#like i said tho VERY subtly cuz the only person i talk to is my gf and she will pick up on that instantly

[cherry-bomb-ships]

The fucking autism pitfall of getting obsessed with a character who talks a certain way and trying desperately not to imitate their speech patterns in ur everyday life

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Invisible Assistance

Prompts: If ur taking requests do you think maybe you could write about the sanders sides as kids where Virgil subtly looks out for the others when they’re afraid of things (cuz he can tell as anxiety)? Like for example he plugs in nightlights in the hallway bc Logan is afraid of the dark. He leaves sticky notes with compliments out for Roman bc Roman’s afraid of rejection/falling short. He stitched together little stuffies for patton bc he’s hates being lonely. Those kinda things. Virgil would have to do it discreetly bc the other sides wouldn’t accept the help if it was from anxiety (even if they really really wanted the things that would help). And maybe the other sides find out after they accept Virgil bc he says something offhandedly about it? However you wanna write it tho!!! <3 - renjunstolemykidneys

Can I request a Sanders sides fic where one of the sides is touch averse? - anon

Oh is it kid fic time? it's kid fic time!

Read on Ao3

Warnings: none! fluff land down below bois

Pairings: it is found family to the MAX

Word Count: 3836

When one of the others is afraid, a patch on the back of Virgil’s neck tingles.

It doesn’t hurt, which is good, because that would be really annoying, but it tingles.

Or, five times Virgil helps one of the other Sides when they're afraid, and one time they show him how much they appreciate it.

When one of the others is afraid, a patch on the back of Virgil’s neck tingles.

It doesn’t hurt, which is good, because that would be really annoying, but it tingles. He used to be scared of it. He ran to Janus the first time it happened because he didn’t know what he did wrong, he didn’t know why this thing was happening to him. Janus had calmed him down, walked him through his breathing exercises, and said that it was one of his powers.

“Powers? What powers?”

“I can grow extra arms and I can tell when people are lying,” Janus had said, “those are my powers. You can tell when people are afraid.”

And Virgil could. There was a small patch on the back of his neck that acted like a fear detector, where he could tell what was wrong. Over time, he had figured out how to tell who it was that was afraid.

Logan’s fear felt really fuzzy.

Not like the soft blankets that Patton likes from the hall closet, but the kinda weird static that the TV has sometimes when the video games won’t load properly. It’s fuzzy. It’s kind of hard to think. Sometimes, if it’s really bad, it gets kind of hard to see.

Logan doesn’t like being afraid and Virgil doesn’t blame him. Being afraid isn’t fun, that’s why he doesn’t like it.

Logan’s fear is fuzzy because Logan is Logic. Logan makes things clearer, easier to understand, because that’s his power. He’s really good at it. When Virgil gets afraid for himself, Logan is really good at explaining why it’s not so scary after all. Sometimes it doesn’t always work, but it works most of the time. But Virgil can’t do what Logan does for him because that’s not his power. He just knows when Logan is scared and fuzzy.

At first, Virgil thought it was something wrong with his glasses. After all, Logan needs them to see, doesn’t he? So if his glasses are fuzzy, he’ll be fuzzy. But Logan uses the glasses to see outside, not inside. So it isn’t the glasses. So he starts trying to figure out what Logan is scared of.

Then he notices that Logan’s light stays on all night while everybody else turns their light off.

He mumbles something about it to Logan the next day and Logan tells him that’s because he likes to read at night and so he needs the light. But Janus said his mouth felt weird after Logan said that so Logan’s lying.

Oh. Maybe Logan’s scared of the dark.

Virgil goes back to his room and opens his closet. He scrambles up on the step stool—putting his arms out for balance like Patton and Janus said—and reaches for the box of night lights. He pulls the cardboard down and rifles through it, looking for ones that Logan would like. He comes across a collection of night lights that Thomas saw at the space museum—what was it called? He pulls one closer and reads off the label.

“Planetarium,” he mumbles, “got it.”

It’s a set of nine night lights, one for each planet, and a big one to be the Sun. He scurries out into the hall and checks to make sure no one is around. There’s no one there. He tucks the box under his bed and scampers off. He needs to count how many outlets there are to see how many lights he’ll need.

There is one by the bathroom, two in the middle of the hall, one by Patton’s door, one by Roman’s door, one by Remus’s door, one by Janus’s room, one by Logan’s room, one by his room, and one at the top of the stairs.

One…two…three…four…five…six…seven…eight…nine…ten.

Perfect.

Virgil hurries back to the cardboard box and makes sure there are ten night lights. There are. Now all he needs to do is figure out where each one has to go.

The Sun is Logan’s room. Obviously. Mercury can go with Roman because those two love to play together. That would make Venus Remus because the twins are very close too.

Patton is the Earth because he takes care of all of them. Janus can be Jupiter because he likes being the tallest.

The bathroom can be Uranus.

The stairs can be Neptune because Logan likes that Neptune spins on its side, which is really cool. And the stairs are kind of sideways so it matched.

Virgil holds the last night light in his hands. Pluto. It’s small, a kind of purple-gray. It matches the sleeves of his pajamas. As he walks back to his room, he plugs the Pluto into the outlet next to his door.

Perfect.

He doesn’t feel Logan getting scared by the dark anymore and the Sun nightlight is really bright.

2.

Roman’s fear makes his neck feel hot. Almost like he’s embarrassed by something or he’s ashamed of something. He doesn’t like it, and he can imagine that Roman doesn’t like it very much either.

Roman is really loud. He really likes singing at the top of his lungs, even when there are like four other people in the room that are trying to do something. He really likes talking loudly too, even when they’re trying to do something. Sometimes Virgil thinks that Roman is too loud, but he’d never say that to him. That would be mean.

Roman gets hurt a lot. He says it’s because of his quests in the Imagination but Janus doesn’t believe him. Not about all of them. And that would be a weird place to get bruises. Virgil goes in there too sometimes, to play with Remus and Roman or to train with Roman. One of his other powers is fighting the things that come to hurt Thomas so he has to be ready. And he only gets bruises on his arms and legs from that.

Roman gets them everywhere. And Roman’s a good fighter! So it doesn’t make sense that he’s really hurt all the time.

Virgil does figure out that Roman gets hurt when Thomas feels bad about something. When Roman and Thomas have been working really hard on something and it doesn’t go well, Roman goes off into the Imagination and he looks hurt when he comes back. That’s when Virgil feels that he’s scared.

When they get a bit older and Virgil can start confidently naming it ‘rejection,’ he starts to notice that Roman slumps more when he’s hurt. Like it physically hurts to stand up straight. Which is really bad, because Roman loves to sing but you can’t sing properly if you don’t stand up straight. And if Roman can’t sing, he can’t make himself feel better.

Virgil also notices that Roman really doesn’t like it when he’s not sure what to do.

Virgil isn’t the best person to go to for this, because he’s always upset that things are going to happen and they’re going to happen and they don’t know how. But he notices that Logan, who always knows what’s good to pay attention to, doesn’t help either. Patton is the only one who seems to be able to help. And he helps by telling Roman that he’s doing a good job, that they will help, that it’s okay. Roman likes being told that it’s okay.

Virgil can get behind that.

But Roman isn’t always around when Virgil remembers to tell him that, so he decides to write it down.

On his desk, there is a pack of red post-it notes. Virgil stashes one in his pocket all the time with a pen. When he thinks of something that Roman should hear, he writes it down and sticks it on Roman’s door. He doesn’t go into Roman’s room, that’s mean. And rude. He knows better.

Things like ‘I like your singing.’ Or ‘The pancakes you made were really good.’ Or ‘You did a good job today.’ That kind of thing. Sometimes it’s just ‘I like you.’ Because Roman is good and Virgil likes him. A lot.

When he feels Roman start to get afraid, he goes and writes it down and sticks it on the door. Then he retreats to his room and waits, holding his breath, until he hears the creak of a door down the hall and the fear goes away. If he waits a few more minutes, normally he’ll hear Roman start to sing.

Then he lets himself smile.

3.

Patton’s fear feels really heavy. Like…really heavy. It kind of hurts to breathe sometimes if it catches Virgil off-guard. So he really doesn’t like Patton’s fear.

What makes it harder is that Patton is really good at hiding when he’s actually afraid. He screams really loudly when there’s a spider or when something surprises him—thank you, Remus—but when he’s afraid, it’s harder to tell.

But Virgil sometimes catches him sitting in the living room by himself, watching TV, and he’ll be afraid. Not of what’s on the TV, but of something else. So he’ll come downstairs and ask if Patton’s okay and Patton will say he’s fine, but then Virgil will curl up in a chair and that won’t be true. The fear will still be there. It’s only when someone else comes down that it goes away.

Virgil remembers very clearly the day that he spent an hour sitting downstairs with Patton and left to go to the bathroom. He had come back downstairs to see Janus next to Patton and Patton wasn’t afraid anymore. He’d gone back to his room and thought about it.

Virgil couldn’t help with this as he was, but the others could. Patton was afraid of…of being left alone?

Okay. Okay, Virgil could make things that would make Patton feel less alone.

He was never really good at making things, not like the twins were, but he was good at fixing things when they got ripped. When he wakes up in the middle of the night from nightmares he knows how to fix his blankets and pillows and pajamas. So he takes the scraps of fabric he has from all the ones he still had to fix and frowns.

Patton likes frogs. So he draws a frog on the blue sheet and cuts it out carefully. He folds the fabric over and cuts out another one. He stitches them wrong sides together, leaving a little bit at the bottom. He turns it inside out and fills it with stuffing from the pillow. Then he sews the bottom back up. It’s a little frog plushie, and it’s for Patton.

He leaves it outside Patton’s door to a squeal of delight.

When he feels Patton get lonely again, he makes another one. This time it’s from the galaxy pillow and he makes a cat. The cat’s eyes don’t come out right when he draws them but they kind of look like glasses. Logan’s glasses.

The next time, he makes a lion. The lion is fuzzy because the slipper that was falling apart worked really well for a mane. He gives it Roman’s favorite red sash because he accidentally cut the fabric in the wrong place and needed to keep the stuffing inside.

After the lion, he makes a snake. He gives it a little paper hat like the one Janus wears. He giggles when he sees the final thing, it kind of looks like it belongs in Phineas and Ferb. Agent J.

When Patton gets really afraid, he looks at the last bit of the green fabric he has and chews his lip. Can he…maybe he can make an octopus. Like Remus. It takes a long time and he accidentally pricks his fingers a couple of times, but he gets a sloppy-looking octopus. After a moment, he grabs the pen and draws a smile with lots of sharp teeth. Like Remus.

Patton doesn’t feel so lonely after that.

4.

Remus’s fear feels muffled. Not like it’s there but it’s not really, but it gets hard for Virgil to hear things. Not like Logan’s fear where everything is fuzzy, but like someone has their hands over his ears. He doesn’t like it. It makes his own head louder.

He notices that Roman is loud but Remus is louder. Remus is constantly making noise, not like Roman’s outbursts, but always. He’s tapping a table or stomping his foot or humming to himself. He’s never quiet and when he’s quiet it’s bad.

He remembers watching Roman and Remus come out of the Imagination once and Remus hadn’t made a noise. The twins had scurried off to Remus’s room and they hadn’t come out until breakfast the next morning. Virgil’s head had been really loud all night because everything else had been muffled.

Remus isn’t quiet. Remus doesn’t like the quiet. Remus hates the quiet. Remus is scared of the quiet.

Virgil doesn’t like the quiet either, but he can’t exactly make noise without worrying that he’s disturbing everyone else. But Remus doesn’t have that problem. Remus is loud and he likes that he’s disturbing everyone else.

But maybe Virgil can help.

There is another box on his desk full of fidget toys. Virgil doesn’t use them most of the time because they’re stuck in the back of the desk but he does like the fidget cube. Maybe Remus would like it too?

He figures out how to get another one and makes it green and black. He puts it outside Remus’s door.

Well, it’s not quiet anymore.

But Remus isn’t afraid, so that’s fine.

It’s all fine.

Virgil remembers too late that the reason he doesn’t use the fidget cube that often is because he can’t stand the sound of the clicking and the squeaking of the cube. But Remus isn’t afraid anymore and he has his headphones.

So it’s fine.

5.

Janus’s fear is cold.

It’s probably why Virgil took so long to work out that Janus was scared of anything. Janus didn’t like to admit that he was scared of things. Janus didn’t like to admit much of anything if he’s being real, but he really doesn’t like admitting when he’s scared. And Virgil is used to being cold so he probably didn’t notice it for a long time.

But Janus does get scared and when he does, the back of Virgil’s neck feels cold.

Janus is like a snake the same way Remus is like an octopus and Patton is like a frog. If Logan is right and he normally is, it’s like how Virgil is like a spider and Roman is like a lion and Logan is like a cat. Which means that there are certain things that Janus does that are like a snake.

Even if he has too many arms to be a snake. Like…way too many.

Janus has a forked tongue. Remus is jealous and Patton thinks it’s kind of weird. Janus has scales. Roman thinks they’re strange and Logan thinks they’re interesting. Janus hisses sometimes when he’s tired or upset. They all think it’s cute. Janus doesn’t like that either.

They’re watching a documentary for a science class and snakes come up. Logan leans forward with his notebook, Patton grabs his juice box, and Remus starts thinking of ideas to do with Roman later. Janus watches the documentary. Virgil watches Janus.

“Snakes, unlike humans and most other mammals, are cold-blooded. This means they have an inability to regulate their own body temperature. They must bathe in the sun to stay warm.”

What?

“But basking out here in the open is risky. Predators, like this hawk, can see snakes in the grass, thanks to their incredible eyesight. The snake has to choose. Being safe and cold, or risk getting warm and being lunch.”

What?

The others are focused on the footage on screen or by their own conversations, so Virgil can stare at Janus. Is that…is that why Janus doesn’t like coming to spend time with them? Is that why he doesn’t like coming out of his room? They’re not going to eat him, he’s part of Thomas! They need him like they need each other.

But if Janus is part snake…then it would make sense why he’s nervous about being in the open.

Only later, when Virgil is startled awake by how cold he feels, does he realize that he might’ve been wrong.

Janus isn’t afraid of being around the others, he is afraid of what happens when he isn’t around the others. Because Virgil never feels Janus afraid when he’s with them. He only ever feels it when Janus is alone.

When Janus isn’t in the warmth with them. When he’s safer, maybe, but when he’s cold.

Janus is afraid of the cold.

Well. That’s the easiest one to fix.

Virgil gathers up all the blankets he has and goes to Janus’s door. He dumps the pile on the floor and scampers back to his room, knowing that Janus would’ve heard something hit the ground. He waits, waits, waits, and then—

It’s gone.

The cold on the back of his neck is gone.

Virgil smiles and burrows down under the one sheet on his bed. He pulls his arms tight around his pillow and buries himself under the thin sheet. He curls up as tight as he can and feels that the back of his neck is no longer cold from Janus’s fear.

Janus is warm. That’s all that matters.

Janus doesn’t feel cold again. Janus feels warm. Janus feels warm. Janus feels warm.

Logan has light.

Roman has love.

Patton has friends.

Remus has noise.

Janus has warmth.

They’re okay.

They’re okay.

They’re…okay.

Virgil falls asleep in the cold room.

+1

Virgil doesn’t like touch.

It…it’s not that he’s afraid of it, but it…

Okay. Here’s the thing. Virgil doesn’t like that the others can touch him.

Thomas can’t touch him. Thomas is safe, Virgil keeps him safe, but he doesn’t touch him. Thomas is safe and that is Virgil’s job because he is afraid and Thomas isn’t and it’s fine. There’s a line there. Thomas and Virgil hold the line between each other and it works.

Patton tries to pull him in for hugs and Patton doesn’t like being alone but his hugs make Virgil feel like he’s trapped.

Logan tries to touch him on the shoulder to get his attention and Logan likes being listened to but that hand feels like a live wire.

Roman tries to pull him close when they fight and Roman doesn’t like being rejected but sometimes Virgil doesn’t know whether he wants to fight the monster or Roman’s grip on him.

Remus tries to scare him by grabbing him and Remus likes noise but Virgil can’t stand being grabbed.

Janus tries to poke him because getting people out of their comfort zones is part of his job but Virgil worked hard for his comfort zone and he doesn’t want to get out of it.

Virgil doesn’t like being touched.

But that’s okay. He can…it’s not like the others normally want to touch him.

Virgil likes to sit by himself. There’s less to worry about when he sits by himself. He can sit and he can make his own noise and do his own thing and he can be fine. He can hold a pillow if he needs to and he won’t get overwhelmed. He can just…be.

He likes the idea of just being.

He doesn’t get to do it often.

So he’s surprised when he opens his door one morning and there’s a box sitting in front of his door.

He takes it back inside and opens it up. His mouth falls open.

There, on top, is the last post-it he stuck on Roman’s door. The one that just said ‘you’re important.’ He picks it up with shaky fingers and turns it over.

Virgil, these are for you. We know what you’ve been doing to help and we want to help you too. We know that you do not like being touched so we got you something that can help. You are important too.

Under the message that makes Virgil blink back tears for a second, he sees the names of the others scrawled in their colors. He puts the post-it note in the most important part of his desk and peers back into the box.

He lifts out a spaceship nightlight. It’s the one from the movie he and Logan had spotted on the way back from school. It’s very shiny and smooth to the touch.

There’s a notebook in the box that has the quote from Winnie the Pooh: ‘Always remember you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.’ A purple pen is tucked into the binding.

A spider plushie! It’s soft, it’s fuzzy, it fits right into the palm of his hand. It looks like it’s been made out of the Halloween sweater they got given for Christmas. It was a weird year.

There’s a small tin of putty. It’s purple and black, sparkly, and it makes really cool sounds as Virgil stretches and squeezes it. If he traps an air bubble in it, it makes a satisfying pop sound.

Virgil’s eyes widen as he pulls out a weighted blanket. Oh, it’s warm. It’s so warm. It feels perfect. He can understand why Janus hisses when he’s tired now, he wants to do it himself and he’s not even a snake.

There’s one more thing in the box. It’s dark, soft, and for a moment he thinks it could be another blanket. But as he pulls it out, his mouth drops open.

It’s a hoodie. A simple, plain, black hoodie, that’s soft and looks warm and looks big enough to cover all of his upper body.

They…they know he doesn’t like being touched so…so they gave him a shield.

Oh.

Oh.

Virgil doesn’t take the hoodie off until he switches it for a purple one many years later.

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[brattata]

Hi I wanted to send in my info for a Genshin impact matchup. I chose B, I, L from the fluff alphabet. I’m over 18. My pronouns are she/her and I prefer men for my matchups. Thank you! ❤️

Personality: INTJ 3w4. I tend to act very arrogant and cocky as a defense mechanism. I don't like being vulnerable with people because it's not their job to worry about my problems. I come across very calm and collected and people rely on me for advice but not a very trusting person so I don’t really let myself depend on anyone. People have said I’m a lot more charismatic than I think I am. I'm really analytical and am good at finding loopholes and working around problems under pressure. I'm not good with emotional support and can come across a little cold because of that. I'm not that expressive (outwardly at least because I'm actually really emotional I just hide it well) and have a hard time relaxing or enjoying things because I've been conditioned to always consider how it will look on mine and my family's reputation. I'm a perfectionist and hold myself to very high standards. I appear very confident but it’s like a “I feel like I’m the worst so I act like I’m the best” situation. Because I’m not very expressive with my emotions and most people’s first impression of me is they find me intimidating and think I look mean. My intelligence is my favorite thing about myself (while I know I’m good looking I absolutely hate when that’s the only thing people compliment because it feels like empty words) because it’s undeniable and I know no matter what I can think my way out of anything. I look intimidating but I'm actually just socially awkward and suck at small talk (because it seems kind of pointless to me). I also have a short temper but there's only certain specific people that can get me to actually lose my patience and explode. I constantly chase perfection for myself and try to be the most idealized version of myself. My love language is giving gifts but I'm not sure what my love language to receive is. Some negative traits are I try to handle everything alone, I have a big ego, and and I can be kind of mean. If I’m really invested in a competition all bets are off and I will literally do whatever I have to do to win because I believe things don’t just happen within the bounds of the rules. As for dating I’ve notice I tend to get bored very quickly and once I do I completely lose interest in the person so whoever I’m with needs to be interesting enough for me to never feel bored or stuck in the relationship. (Some characters I really relate to are Chevalier Michel, Vanitas, Mikey and Ran Haitani (Tokyo revengers), Oikawa, and Kaguya Shinomiya.

Hobbies/Likes: I love fashion and I've been a model since I was 14, I used to do pageants as a kid, I make my own music and music is probably the thing I love the most. It's really what I use to process the world so music is definitely the way to my heart. I can't play any instruments but I can sing and do digital music production. (I've always wanted to be in a rock band) I'm a good artist but I don't like doing it on a deadline (I took an AP art class back in high school and didn't draw for 2 years after it cuz I hated being forced to draw. It's like when something you like becomes a chore) I've gotten back into drawing recently tho. I've also been doing martial arts since I was 7 + fencing. I'm good at chess and poker and made money from playing/betting on games when I was younger. I also love reading.

In order for me to like or fall in love with someone I first have to actually have a certain level of respect for them which must be earned. In the “get to know" stage I subtly test the person a lot to see how they react or respond to certain things. It's like a test they don't know his happening but that will determine if our relationship is gonna go further. And they will probably need to be persistent enough if they reciprocate my feelings to deal with the fact that it’s gonna take me a while to open up to them or trust them enough to get into a relationship and I might try to push them away several times (I’m just being realistic about what I do ik it’s bad😭). I also like people who challenge me and inspire me to be even better but not when they overstep and belittle me with their challenges. I also want to see effort and thoughtfulness from the person like for dates I don’t care if it’s super fancy or not I just want to see that they really put thought into the it and what I’d like. Same goes with gifts or any gestures really. And they also have to have a few screws loose and be crazy enough to go along with all my plans and trust that I’m smart enough to get us through unscathed. All this said I’m always the dominant one in my life and I don’t want to be the dominant one in the relationship I’m tired of taking care of everyone I want to be taken care of. I also despise the word mommy do not ever call me that

Dislikes/Dealbreakers: Misogyny (when people especially men undermine my intelligence and experience and end up making a mistake I warned them about only to listen when another man repeats the same thing l've been saying since the beginning), big egos with nothing to back it up, people who can't keep up with me (I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone whose hand I have to hold all the time. They need to be on the same level/wavelength as me and not drag me down), being a coward and not standing up for your own beliefs/motives, people that are way too nice (whoever I end up with has to have a mean streak because it shows they are able to take action when needed), being self absorbed and not considering the consequences of your actions. I absolutely hate being called spoiled or entitled or a princess (usually this happens because people are jealous), I may have expensive taste but that doesn’t give anyone the right to discredit the amount of work I put into myself and everything I do. People who talk big about what they’re going to do and never follow up with it. People who have a moral superiority complex that think they're better than me for not wanting to break rules to get what they want. People who can't take responsibility for what they do (Everything I do is on purpose so even if it's a bad thing I'll admit to it because whatever happens as a result is no one's problem but my own). Although I will say there's sometimes an exception to these things depending on the person and situation. Personality wise I do not usually get along with ESFPS and INTPS. (I don’t want to be matched with Itto. He’s so funny but I don’t think I could ever date him.)

Extra Stuff: I’m a Gemini Sun, Scorpio Moon, Virgo Rising and Cancer Venus. If I was in genshin (this is just based on quizzes I took) I’d probably be an electro polearm.

Welcome, and thanks for joining my event!

I thought a lot about this one. 🤔 Initially I was leaning towards Kaeya, and I do think you’d have chemistry. He would enjoy the challenge of trying to fluster get to know you, and you’d never be bored with him. But I think he’d give up a little too easily - and I also personally see him as a secret lonely softie who would want to be doted on a little more than you’re into. Instead, imo the best match for you is…

Kamisato Ayato!

He looks so cool in this GIF

You have a lot in common in terms of your values, background, and personality traits, which helps you understand each other very well but may also lead to some challenges. I don’t see this being a super warm and fuzzy relationship, but it’s one with a strong foundation of mutual admiration and respect. Ayato can, and will, and loves to take care of you, but he also very much appreciates that you can handle yourself too (he’s overworked as it is 😭). He’s probably the Genshin guy who most understands the pressure of family reputation and obligations, and he’ll never view you as spoiled. He doesn’t have a mean streak per se, but he definitely has a sly/mischievous streak, and though his approach is usually subtle he’s not afraid to do what it takes to get things done. Also, as a Raiden/Xingqiu main, I just love that Electro/Hydro synergy, you know? 👌

B is for Beauty

Your poised and confident demeanor is what first attracted him to you. You're like frost on Mount Yougou - beautiful, elegant, and serene, but cold and distant at the same time. He's not easily intimidated, rather he thinks your carefully controlled persona is a testament to your mental fortitude. As he gets to know you more, he really comes to admire your observational skills and out-of-the-box thinking, and to appreciate the little moments of vulnerability you let him see from time to time.

I is for Inspiration

I think Ayato could help soften some of your edges a little bit, if you're open to that. Like you he's very calculating and charismatic, but he also has some of the smalltalk and schmoozing skills you lack, and he has a knack for winning without making others feel like losers. On the other hand, I think Ayato would find being around you very refreshing. Sometimes it's nice to spend time with someone straightforward and to the point who doesn't want or need anything from him other than companionship.

L is for Love Confession

In his (very limited) downtime, one thing Ayato enjoys is playing games with you. He has a lot of fun playing chess with you, and even more fun teaching you shogi. He's really amused (but not surprised) how quickly you pick it up. The first time you force him into a resignation he says, "Clever play, my love," and then just kind of keeps playing like he didn't say anything, leaving the next move up to you. If you express interest too, then I think his next step would probably be a formal proposal. I don't see him as the type for casual dating - if he's making time in his life for you, it's because he wants and expects you to have a future together.

Thanks again for participating, and for your follow. Hope you enjoyed the matchup! 🥰

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se3, ep11 (part 1)

Breaking toxic bonds & accepting healthy ones isn’t a miracle. A bond that started with love could end up chained & toxic, another that started wrong could’ve become the joy of a life time. You can do it. Break the cycle of abuse & stand up for yourself, it is easy yet so difficult, you aren’t alone, tho, loved ones stand nearby cheering. Be kind on yourself, otherwise you’ll throw your life away. Life isn’t just happiness & joy, it’s also sadness & loneliness. Break free from the shackles that held you down. Embrace life & Live.

-Tohru’s “ I’m okay” mask is finally shattered! (the Importance of kyo’s rejection for her development):

This is the last part of tohru’s character development! The last few eps were abt her role in Akito’s redemption & their similarities. she staood up for herself & choose a path away from her mom while keeping her mom’s memory in a healthy manner. No more planning my life according to mom’s wishes, no more talking to mom ‘s picture 24/7. Now, I’ll plan my life & move forward even if it is with the guy mom said she cant forgive. even If it is without him, I’ll move forward. I love him so much, yet I won’t force our bond & let go. So easy yet so difficult!. tohru doesnt know anything abt kyo after her fall. All she remembers is his heart-broken face as he wept beside her. Those tears on his face, she caused them. He cried cuz it is too painful to see her hurt. She was a burden to him! tohru restored to her old coping mechanism of pretending “ i’m Okay” & smiling. She did so numerous times before. Always worked. No one noticed. Except him. Se02, ep7. he urged her to show her true fears. Now, she’s faced with a pain so big she can’t pretend no more. the pain of loosing him. She cried in front of yuki! The smile & chatting abt chores couldn’t conceal the running tears! Yuki’s first time seeing her like that. Se01, ep14, yuki wondered how could tohru smile after her mom’s death. She can’t pretend no more! She’ll have to wear her feelings on her sleeve! cuz it IS ok to do so! She tells kyo to give her a moment to compose herself. She couldn’t lie & pretend like she did with yuki. Here she either run away or just try to compose myself! I LOVE THAT! This way, whenever kyo/tohru fight or have any misunderstanding in the future as a couple, you’ll know tohru won’t just bear it & pretend, “ i;m okay” No! she’ll talk to kyo & express herself! I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! It gives her so much strength as a human & I’m happy all the obstacles & set backs in kyo/tohru’s romantic journey has led them to be better ppl little by little to build healthier & more realistic love! 

-The mechanics of writing a compelling slow-burn romance:

1. Igniting the romantic feelings slowly: Slow burns don’t work with love at 1st sight. It must first sparkle naturally, slowly & subtly. Both kyo & tohru repeatedly stated they don’t know exactly when they first fell in love. The author’s decision to create an environment where the two live together is a genius way to start & nurture their romance quietly & subtly. Kyo was tricked to stay in shigure’s house while tohru had to stay cuz she had no home, Natural reasons that force the two to spend days together & get to know each other gradually.

2. Dynamics of their personalities: For slow burns to work, the two characters need to be similar yet opposites! Kyo & tohru are both kind, endearing, innocent, good at chores, independent & hardworking. They both have history with their mothers that is filled with love yet traumas. However, tohru is calm yet prefer maneuvering around subjects, can’t stand up for herself, reads ppl easily, tends to trust ppl easily & disregard herself. Kyo is fierce, strong, tends to distrust ppl, despite ppl loving his spontaneous character, he has hard time figuring out if they’re mocking him or teasing him, very straightforward with his words & actions. The similarities helps them understand each other, however, the differences creates chances to clash & come even closer thro various situation. Ex, se01, ep2, kyo apologizing for hitting her head with the table which created the situation where she needed to confess she always loved the cat zodiac! It is HER gush of emotions that struck kyo. ppl really want my friendship? the cat is loved? Thro those difference they learned to better themselves so they won’t hurt the other, kyo toning down his anger for her, tohru desiring to know him even more as he becomes even more awkward.

3. Creating natural, realistic  & convincing obstacles that prevents them from being together:  This is the most important part! Slow-burn is two characters in love & cant be together despite everyone wanting them to be! if the reason that stops them from uniting is trivial, stupid, one-sided, can easily be solved, then the slow-burn would be a fillery & no one would cheer for it! Takaya-san is a genius!

Kyo can’t be with tohru cuz he thinks (a) he killed her mom! we saw thr flashback, he could’ve saved her & couldn’t save her. It was a split of a second difference & he hates himsef for NOT trying! that split of a second also prevented from thinking of better ways to save her than holding her! it happened to fast, he couldn't think of a better alternative cuz this was his 2nd time loosing someone (b) his mom’s sucide being pinned as his fault created this immense guilt & defeated feeling that “ no matter what, I just cause death & misery! There’s (c) too!, he knew tohru! thinks she deserves the world & cuz he didnt save her mom, he watched tohru talk to a freaking picture for two years! heck! he is the only one who can see thro tohru’s “ i;m okay” mask, so in se01, ep 14 in the grave yard! kyo wasnt the only one who is sad! tohru was too! & kyo could tell! (d) her mom’s death is the reason tohru is accepting shigure’s offer to stay with them rent-free in exchange of doing housework! (e)? he saw her confess crying her heart out abt missing her mom so much that she imitated her dad! so tragicly sad! (f) he saw her die in his nightmare!! how can he accept her love,now? Perfectly orchestrated obstacles! 

Tohru, unfortunately, in the anime it wasn't that clear due to shortening her backstories & trauma in se03, ep6. But she too couldn’t see herself confessing love to kyo. Tohru is has low self-esteem, always thinks she’s a burden to others, an orphan who just wants her mom, so scared, lonely & sad! we the audience believed the mask! we saw her work her motherly charm yuki, isusuz, kisa & believe her issues are not that deep.  tohru wont cry for herself but shed rivers for others! grief is so ugly it broke her! I cant let go of mom, must keep her always in my heart, such a hard emotions to write & I believe 100% the director couldn’t understand her grief & decided to split ep6 between her, kyo, isuzu & shigure. But Tohru struggling to confess to kyo is no laughing matter. ppl who are grieving find it the hardest to live after the loved ones die. they wont mostly commit suicide, they are alive, but they arent living. they just go thro the motions & live for the sake of those around them but not themselves. Tohru deciding to confess to kyo is her deciding to live for herself.

4. Writing a perfect psychologically & emotionally packed climax: I dont need to explain how perfect kyo’s rejection of tohru in se03 ep9 was. How much we felt for him yet were mad at him. He we were “ ugh! kyo no!!!! I mean I get why you do that , but you idiot no! come back! poor kyo! He was just so sad & broken! OMG he’ll kill himself after finding tohru’s injured body!! he totally would! his nightmare came true! But Tohru reached him! she wanted him to be okay! he wont kill himself but still feels hella guilty! but so utterly in love with her that his instinct upon seeing her come to life after near death is kiss her! Perfect display of psychology & emotions! filled with right, wrong, sad, happy, guilty, innocent! basically so human~ As the audience you MUST have this mixture of feelings of wanting to hug him so bad cuz this boy has been killing himself for years now yet want him to stop & just see that he was a good boy afterall. Tohru is THE best girl & if the audience are cheering for kyo to be with her, kyo really deserves her! The only problem is for kyo to see that now.

5. The Perfect wrap up of all romance: If you make your audience suffer the slow-burn this long, you gotta reward them good! & Takaya-san delivered! Just like how the entire romantic story is realistic, the reunion must be as realistic too! Tohru is hurt by kyo;s words. Facts remain his words were hurtful to her. I love that was addressed! tohru gets to tell her side, too! If you love someone, you are bound to be hurt by them as much as be happy with them. Simply cuz they matter so much to you! you arent one person, but two ppl coming together. Kyo must work hard for this confession. Must run & chase her. Must earn her proper! He gets on his knees, I cant express how important that is! he is way taller than her, Imagine apologizing while she looks way up & he looks down? He gets on his knees & apologize like a man, for every mistake, all while not loathing himself. He aint going back to that deep abyss again. He did wrong by her & he is owning up to his mistakes. Give me one chance. I’m not gonna force you with persistence or guilt you into taking me. Give me ONE chance cuz i deserve it & no more. The choice is yours. She asks to confirm, he shows her, they kiss, they hug, they are rewarded with a blessing from the heavens! One of the most simple yet emotionally fulfilling confessions in anime!

- Hugs over kisses: (And her kiss hugs her & the curse was lifted):

Prince charming kisses the princess & she wakes up~ they live ever after~ except furuba is all abt “ eternal ever after is not true, real life is where the real love is”

Kyo kissed tohru once, she didnt wake up, she didnt even think he loved her back. didnt even remember the kiss.

Kyo hugged tohru once. se01, e024, He initiated it, tohru was all in tears, surprised, happy & so utterly in love. he called her name for the first time ever, for a brief moment, they both connected, they both comforted each other. The rain stopped, he became a man not a monster, she got him back. She got her kyo that she fought for with none other than kyo himself.

kyo hugged her again, se03, ep6. They both initiated it. He made the first move, pulling her just a little closer, she made the second move & hugged him hard, he transformed, it was a moment were they both connected, both so sad & broken, both feeling needy for the other, both desperate for the other, both just living the moment. the result is them coming closer, her wanting him more, him realizing her love, there is no escape. Admit it. she loves you. You can tell.

Kyo hugs her again today. He asks permission. No spur of the moment feeling. But a long lasting permission to be together. To hug. He wants to hear her acceptance of his cursed body. “ is ok to hug you? this body will cause you pain as it wont be able to fulfill your wishes of constant hugs & intimacy”. She responds, permission granted, for love, for hugs, for a life long acceptance of you as a whole. weakness & strength, sadness & happiness. I accept you all in better & worse! we’re invincible. Why? cuz we understand love isnt magic. It is a path for us to walk together~~~ reward curse break!

Every time kyoru are closer it is a hug. The one thing the zodiacs cant do. A hug. They can kiss. But cant hug. comes this Zodiac Ruler girl so lonely, away from ppl, so sad, meets a cat boy who comes to the house she’s living in, a house away from ppl, the boy is drawn to the girl, However, when the boy needed to leave, the girl was able to let go despite loving him, the boy comes again, this time wanting to stay, the girl accepts the boy. They both accept the realistic reality of life. Embrace the obstacles & the achievements, celebrates the weakness above the strength. Both so imperfect. Both so endearingly dumb! that’s why the girl’s hug broke the boy’s curse. The girl’s acceptance of the cat broke all curses.

Side Note:

Kyo’s confession is so kyo! so straightforward, so direct, & so physical. He’s on his knees, holding her hands, looking at her eyes. “ i want to be WITH you. If I’m gona live, I want to to do it with you & no one else! cuz I love you” that’s it. That’s all.  So sincere & so romantic!

it is crazy how different tohru & kyo are now after the confession! she stood confidently & happily & said “dont you know, I love you!” all while teasing him, her giggle is so girlish & cute! my girl is a happy woman in love! long buried the angelic mother image of se02! YES! also, kyo’s happy face is love! Dude! when was the last time he smiled so freely? Did he ever do that? He smiled in se01, ep4 with kazmua, but not like this! T_T. my son is healing~

Kyo’s “ i wont ever feel afraid if you’re with me” is a huge growth from his “ I want to protect her” mindset. Now he realizes it is two-sided mutual desire. She gives him strength as much as he does! <3

I dont like open eye while kissing, but here it is so perfect for tohru in this moment! cuz she spent days thinking kyo rejected her & even ran away as soon as she saw him, now he’s not only confessing, apologizing, admitting she is his life, but also kissing her signaling they’re romantic couple. kissing on lips is so personal, what more evidence she needs? still, her thoughts? “ it’s like a dream?” aww~~~ tohru~~~ my precious girl! she just cant believe all her suffering is over, now? She was just practicing “ i’m okay” smile & now she’s an official girlfriend to the man of her dreams? He just bent da kneeee~ go for it queen!

yuki’s face when tohru cried is exactly what I meant of “ allowing yuki to have strong facial expressions”! XD these types of faces humanize yuki so much into the teenage boy he is! Unfortunately the anime team only sees him as the pretty prince in most times. That’s why fave yuki is when he’s with kakeru. He becomes so un-princly as he should be.

Speaking of yuki, I see you anime team~ postponing his moment into next ep so him & machi wont be overshadowed by the long awaited kyoru!! While this defies the perfection of all cursed zodiacs breaking on the same ep making akito’s breakdown less perfect & poetic, I take it as the anime team admitting they underdeveloped yuchi & decided let’s give them more screen time & not putting them in close distance from any couple. A week later ep is enough with lots of time. I dont mind at all, I’m just saying more time after/while confession is not what i was hoping for~~ sigh~ At least I hope yuki would say sth along the lines” all this time I was looking at you, i realized i love you” to imply he was thinking of her as a lover not his kindness for someone he helped. I just dont want their love to be sudden simply cuz yuki needs happy ending. oh well~ I’m sure whatever it will be, the anime will give it utmost attention.

That sad moment when kagura wasnt allowed a moving image. lol. girl was given a still image that didnt even move with the breeze! T_T

Not gonna lie... the scene with kazuma & kyo was underwhelming. Why the wide shot? I mean you dont need budget for that. Just give me a closeup from the waist up with kyo head buried in kazuma’s chest. Dont need to waste budget on kazuma’s face, either.... do the old trick of hair covering eyes & show me glittery tears~  why the awkward shot of kazma towering in his own house! how tall is this man & why cant he he fix his roof?...lol

Also, shigure, you got scars man... who can hurt shigure? akito? gotta be her. I dont think hatori scratches...lol.. Aya? nah~ too busy with Mine! yup, akito... another steamy night? could be, she’s changed as he wish now. But scratching a face is weird while..um..kissing? a quarrel? but why? I bet she wants him now & we know he wants her....

More on part 2! especially abt the curse’s lore~

[casualmaraudering]

Do you have anymore trans Remus headcannons that you haven’t talked about yet? Also your rant about Remus/Lily and the boys growth is !!! 💯 🌻

my dear I always have headcanons that I haven't talked about yet so here's some more of my favourite boy (this turned out to be mostly wolfstar shdkshs I hope you don't mind)

- Sirius is the CEO of buying pride merch so any trans flag stuff Remus has, there's a 97% chance Sirius got that for him. same with the bi stuff (Sirius himself loves the rainbow flag cuz gay so he has so many of that on his person)

- dyed his hair pastel pink because colours aren't gendered and boys can and should like pink (Sirius finds his hair irresistible. how can you resist pink curls. you cannot)

- he's quite shorter than Sirius and sometimes it'll make him feel very self conscious cause people can be really rude about stupid things like that (and it is the dumbest shit I HATE when people say mean shit about people's height or insinuate that being short is feminine and tall is masculine i will slit your throat if you come for my short boys fucking watch me). but then Sirius does cute stuff like rests his chin on Remus's head and hugs him from behind and says they're clearly meant for each other cause they fit so well together. a bitch just wants to be held sometimes so it makes Remus feel tons better

- also they have different physiques obvs, like aside the obvious body differences Remus is allergic to exercise and Sirius works out quite a lot so he's broader in the shoulders and whatnot. Remus kind of drowns in Sirius's shirts and hoodies but he loves that, not only they're cosy but also they're big so they help with covering any body issues, win win

- also fun fact about the first time they went to pride together - Lily thought it'd be fun to do some pride makeup or something, so she did some flags with eyeshadow. but what Sirius didn't know is that his skin is Extremely sensitive and so they ended up at home like two hours later cause he had an allergic reaction. he was fine but his face was very puffy and squishy for like two weeks and he Refused to leave the house. Remus has photo evidence of that but Sirius would murder him if he knew

- being hit on in a gay club??? is like the biggest confidence boost???? Remus's low self esteem does a blushy emoji when boys talk to him (Sirius is super jealous but as long as the guy doesn't get handsy, he doesn't say anything cause Remus deserves the attention tbh)

- pretty much the same if women hit on him tho. his bisexual ass is all like,,,, pretty lady,,,,,, someone save him

- Remus, throughout his life, has identified as all of the letters in LGBT and yes he makes jokes about it all the time

- Sirius is a gay disaster and you bet his proposal was something sappy and yet dorky like "you know how you changed your first name? how would you like to change your last name, say, to Black?" Remus did not register it at first and was about to roll his eyes and be like 'what did you see that joke on tiktok-' but bam Sirius looking very nervous and having a ring and Remus's brain has entered shutdown mode

- ofc he said yes. and they both mightve cried. just a little bit tho

- Sirius wants a pride wedding with their flags. he wants it and so he will do anything within his power and rich people money to make it happen

- Remus isn't big on wedding planning. or weddings in general, so he lets Sirius lead the plans aside some important decisions that they make together

- the flower arrangements end up a subtle trans flag, the cake is a layered rainbow cake, and there's also some subtly bisexual balloons.

- ever since they get married Sirius's favourite word is 'husband'. Remus doesn't have a name anymore, now he is Sirius's husband and Sirius will use any opportunity to say it.

- even to James he's always like "ah yes me and my husband-" he's gay and in love he has no chill ok

[thecreativeangel]

Five Seconds (Richie Tozier x Reader)

Richie Tozier x Fem!Reader

*Please don’t plagiarize my work, thank you :3*

Summary: When you confessed to Richie, you got the expected response, but that doesn’t mean it hurt any less. Not even a week later he decides to talk to you, not so subtly jealous about you spending time with Ben. Things sort of…escalate from there.

Warnings: Cussing and Kissing. (oh no, not kissing! *parents screaming, children crying, Ohio catches on fire*) This is a request. DON’T HESITATE TO SEND IN REQUESTS. (Don’t send in like 50 tho. I still need sleep.)

Word Count: 1,697

“Can I t-talk to you.”

Richie stops laughing at Stan and, still giggling, turns to you. “Yeah, what’s up?”

You glance over Richie’s shoulder to see Beverly shoot you a thumbs up. “I’ve been, well- It was Beverly’s idea! But for a while now…” You stumbled over words, trying to soften the embarrassing blow of ‘I have a crush on you’.

“I like you!” You blurt, deciding to get it over with. “I l-like you as more than a friend.”

There’s a moment of silence in which you count the seconds that painfully tick by.

One. Richie’s mouth opens and closes, you can see his eyes dart to the other boys. They’re whooping and hollering, pushing him and giggling like idiots.

Two. You can feel the headrush hit you hard, along with waves of nausea.

Three. Teasing smiles stay on the boys’ faces, but Beverly’s melts off. She knows. She knows what’s going to happen.

Four. Richie’s ears turn fire hydrant red as you grow pale and faint. His eyes once again scan the boys, who continue to tease without mercy. You close your eyes, wishing they’d stop. There would be nothing to celebrate.

Five. “I’m s-sorry…”

He looks lost, twisting around in his seat on the log. The boys see that something’s wrong, thank god. It’s about to get very awkward.

“I-”

“Rich, c’mon…” You say, laughing lightly, as if the situation could be taken that way. You’re preparing to lie through your teeth, desperate to take it back. “It’s just a small t-thing. It’s not even a-a crush anymore! There, Bev, I said it? We’re all okay? All good?”

The air is thick and you can feel it, choking you. “(Name), I don’t- I don’t think of you-I just…” Richie stutters, only making the situation worse. “I don’t like you like that.”

Like that. He couldn’t even name what the feeling was. He was too grossed out to say it out loud, and that’s what stung the most.

“Richie, I was joking.” You state firmly. The sheer humiliation was enough to make a grown man cry, but not you. It was easier to be mad at him than at yourself. “I was completely kidding! But now you’ve made it weird. Thanks for that.”

“(Name)-”

“Richie, it’s fine!” You repeat, trying to convince yourself more than him. “Honestly, why are you making such a big deal out of this? Jesus…”

You get off the log and brush yourself off, walking over to your bike. Everyone’s eyes kept flicking from you to Richie like in a soccer watch. Even with your back turned, you could still feel their gazes, burning holes into your back. You turn towards them, mounting your bike.

“Guy really, stop acting like it’s such a big deal!” You say, throwing your hands up in defeat. They were still quiet. Mike looked at you with pity, Bill stared at the ground and Ben whistled lowly, thinking no one could hear him.

“Okay, you guys are making this weird. I’m out!” You call, beginning to pedal away. Don’t cry, you’ll make it worse, don’t cry, you won’t be able to stop. You repeat that in your head until it sticks, but it’s getting harder and harder to steer the bike as your eyes glaze over.

Just don’t talk to them for a while. It’ll be forgotten soon.

It wasn’t forgotten. Fuck. A couple days later, after avoiding leaving your house in fear of meeting Richie on the streets, your doorbell rang. You walked over to the door apprehensively, seeing Ben’s smiling face through the peephole.

“Hey…” You greet slowly, narrowing your eyes in suspicion and opening the door. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see if you were okay.” Ben says sweetly, still standing on your porch. You suspected he didn’t come here to hang out inside your house. “We’ve been wondering how you’re doing.”

“I’m surviving.” You answer, noticing Ben’s own crestfallen aura. “A-are doing alright?”

“Yeah! I- well, Beverly…” He stops and shaked his head, forcing a smile. “Nevermind, I came to check up on you.”

“Wait, no. Don’t change the subject.” You say. “If you rant to me you’ll probably feel better.”

“She didn’t do anything-I don’t really wanna talk about it…”

“Oh…” You run a hand through your hair. “Well, since we’re both feeling shitty, let’s go out.”

Ben squints and tilts his head, confused. “Out where? Like on a date?”

“No, dumbass.” You chuckle. Leave it to Ben to make you feel better, no matter how shitty your day was. “Just… out. Y’know, the arcade. McDonald’s sounds good right now.”

Ben brightens and bounces on the heels of his shoes. “Yeah! That’s cool!”

You walk over to the coat rack and grab your black windbreaker, pulling it on. “Let’s go get fucked over by junkfood.”

You observed the cafeteria, dreading when Richie would come and sit down at your usual table. He was walking from the lunch line in slow motion, your brain going fuzzy with panic. You stared down at your food, refusing to look up again.

“Can I talk to you.”

You nearly snorted. Nearly. Those were the exact words you said to him the day you confessed, and the irony was killing you. Well, you wished the irony killed you; it’d be less embarrassing then. You didn’t look at him but kept picking at your food, intent on ignoring your problems.

“I, uh, saw you and Ben last Friday.” He says, sitting down next to you. “So are you and him-y’know…a thing now?”

You look up at him only to glare. “I’m just asking because I’d like to know, is all.” He quickly corrects himself. Damn. Richie Tozier is tongue tied for the second time this week. That must be a record. “To l-leave you guys alone when you-when you need it.”

“Ben and I were hanging out, yeah.” You say blankly, your face dropping to an unreadable expression. “Why do you care?”

“Because… Because I don’t think you and him look good together.” He says quickly, scowling at Ben, who was standing in the lunch line and looking innocent as ever. “Personality differences and other shit.”

You still stare at him through half lidded eyes, not amused at all. “Why. Do. You. Care.”

“God-I don’t know!” Richie exclaims. “I just think that maybe, you’d tell me if you were dating anyone.”

“Ben and I aren’t dating.” You say cooly, although your temper was rising steadily. “None of your business who I’m dating anyway, ‘cuz you don’t think of me that way, remember?”

“I just-”

“No Richie, you don’t get to answer that!” You cry out, earning weird looks from nearby kids. “You’re the one who rejected me!”

“I was scared!” He says. “You asked me to say something back in front of Bev and Mike and Eddie-”

“If you can’t admit that you like me in front of our friends,” You say stiffly, more and more irritated. “Then you don’t actually like me. Which you don’t! You don’t like me, and you’ve made that clear.”

Richie looks at you incredulously, like what you just said was some sort of crime and suddenly stands up on the tables bench.

You panic even more, pulling at his pant leg, begging him to sit down. “Richie get off! What the hell are you even doing?”

“Hey you losers, I like (Name)!” He yells over the cafeteria’s loud chatter, drawing even more attention. By now, more than half the cafeteria was staring at you and him. To your horror, everyone quiets down, listening to what the weird kid has to say.

“I like (Full Name) and everyone should know!” He shouts again, cupping his hands to use as a megaphone. “And I was an idiot and a dumbass not to tell her, but here I am now!”

You hide your face in your hands, turning the color of a ripe strawberry.

“So yeah,” Richie announces. “For once in my life I’m done caring about what you assholes think! She’s perfect and smart and nice and sarcastic and I think I love her!”

Finished with his big speech, he plops back down, red in the face and panting slightly from yelling. A shocked silence lasts as Richie counts the seconds, waiting for you.

One. You look at him through your fingers, mortified and overjoyed at the same time.

Two. Slowly, what he just did registers in your mind. He just humiliated himself in front of the entire cafeteria. For you.

Three. Your chest feels so hot it physically hurts, ready to explode with admiration and disbelief at this stupid boy.

Four. Richie waits patiently for your reaction, crossing his fingers under the table.

Five. “Y-you fucking dick!” You say, punching him in the arm. “That was-what was that?”

“I’m not scared to tell anyone I like you.” Richie says, rubbing his sore arms with a sheepish grin plastered on his face. “You said that if I’m too scared to tell anyone I like you then it’s not true, so I just told the whole school.”

“I-you fucking-what the-argh!” You give up on scolding and grab the back of his neck, your lips colliding with his. Richie reacts almost immediately, holding your face in his hands so gently your heart exploded for the fifth time in the last ten minutes. You tilted your head to the side and weave your fingers through the curls on the back of his neck, only coming up when you were dying for air.

You see Beverly absolutely beaming in her place at the lunch line, Ben clapping rapidly, Eddie getting a book out of his bag, probably to check if kissing could transmit serious diseases. Bill was smirking and Mike slapped money into Stan’s hand.

“They’re never going to forget this, are they?” Richie asks, flashing Stan a quick middle finger.

“Most likely not.”

Richie watches the terrible cafeteria light reflect off your cheekbones, somehow giving your face an almost angelic look, like something that is too good to belong in a town like this. Your eyes are brighter than usual and filled with childish laughter, this time not because of the cheap blinding lights, and Richie had to wonder if this was more than just a dumb school crush.  

“Good.”

[cow3survivor]

Ep. 2: “I’m Trying To Lay Low” - Jake

JENNET

plan worked fabulously purrrrrrrrr

(a little later)

maybe its me being paranoid but why are jake,jones, and lindsay always the last three to leave calls............ when i have a f2 with all of em....

JESSICA

Song of the day is ELVIS by AOA. My favourite workout bop. Silver got voted out! So sad, I wanted to play with him. But also, kinda cool! This is the only game I have played where I truly didn't know anyone (except my very first ORG). What an experience. I know last confessional I said Sam and Shane were both kinda on the fence for me in terms of if I wanted to maybe work with them or not. An update: I think I want to work with both! Both of them, unprompted, told me they wanted to work with me if we lost immunity, and I have actually been getting along well with both of them I feel now that our conversations are moving past the sort of awkward beginning stages. I still like Sammy even though I probably should talk to him more oops... and Daisy/Lovelis/Ethan are also still in my good books. I kind of keep forgetting Pete and Cloud are on this tribe but when I remember, I am happy they are here. That being said, I think Cloud or Madison will be the first to go if we lose. Cloud is very inactive. Madison is too but she was at least on the call tonight. It might come down to how immunity goes. I want to participate because it will bond us as a team. That way even if we lose, I was a part of the team effort and won't stand out as someone who people don't know or want to work with. Also while I personally want Cloud or Madison out as I know them the least, I am not going to push it. I'll let somebody else throw out a name and as long as that name isn't Jessica then I will consider it. I sort of chilled today with the social game and only messaged people as they messaged me. The vibe of this team is very relaxed from what I can tell and I didn't want to overdo it with conversations and come across as too much. Tomorrow, my goal is to talk to every single person for at least 1 (one) whole real conversation. I might have to start using my good ol' tactic of sending people random youtube links and saying "what do you think of this" to get something going.... Honestly nothing starts a conversation like David Hasselhoff and his cinematic masterpieces that we call music videos. I hope the other tribe is full of problems so that when we eventually swap, I have a very easy time in this game.

LINDSAY

no recording tonight because i have a headache:( anyways i'm apparently not in as good of a position in the tribe as I was hoping. got left out of a six person group chat bc I was associated w Silver and people were nervous abt this vote w me. Jake luckily looped me in but I'm kind of bummed out people didn't trust me enough to let me in on this. I know it's probably just cuz Silver and I had been getting along alright the past two days but that means I'm in kind of a yucky position in the tribe that is starting to gear me up to a S6 type deal from survivor umich and I'm not fuckin' vibin. I'm gonna try to reach out (Nash appears to be ignoring me currently tho so lol) and try to fix that. I still want to work tight w Jones and Jake but I don't want them to be my only options. I need some more connections than that. ALSO WHEN SILVER DID THE THING MY HEART STOPPED LOL SO THAT MIGHT BE WHY IM BEING IGNORED also "you kept laughing at silver's jokes" was a comment someone leveled at me today and i couldn't find a good way to level and say i laugh at everything because that's how my brain is trained to react to everything. monkey brain cannot comprehend emotions so i laugh everything off. anyways i guess this is my clue i've got to step up. i mean, it's fine if i'm under the radar some because it's not merge yet so like it's fine, but i'm... worried. if nothing else we're even tho bc the galaghers got revealed as well as the six person alliance so we're all even here. bottom line is, i'm winning this fucking scavenger hunt this shit aint happening next week

JAKE

https://youtu.be/amXasrOidh0

y'all I'm still shaking from tonight tbh....

PENNINO

https://youtu.be/_26B1wn1pDw

JONES

https://youtu.be/7FngYQfYMB0

PETE

Nobody will want to vote me out if I have kittens and share pictures of them muahahahahahahahahahaha

JESSICA

Oh no, we lost! I hope that Shane and Daisy want to be a final 3 because that is what I am envisioning in my hopes, dreams, and mood board.

SHANE

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1mNEOfPVwOp-ltGoNTdEq59su-9Vl_Adm/view?usp=drivesdk

ETHAN

AHH TRIBAL IS SCARY MORE TO COME SOON BUT EVERYONE IS SO QUIET AND I DON'T LIKE IT BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I AM THE TARGET BUT IF I AM I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY IT IS JUST WEIRDLY QUIET AND MY PARANOIA IS EATING ME ALIVEEE

DAISY

https://youtu.be/tBDHsLvF8W8

NICOLE

WE ARE IMMUNE!!! I’m so excited to have flipped the vote on Silver AND got us immunity but, I’m gonna have to be more careful if I’m gonna go far in this game. I know I can be strategic, I can be a comp threat but I really have to work on making myself a little dimmer in the social department. If we swap or merge obviously down the line, I feel like I’m gonna have a LOT of different potential paths to the end but, it won’t matter if they all realize that. So I really really have to be careful here. I am playing this game with a level head so far and really trying to make my rounds daily to talk to people. I am close with Jake, close with Jones and close with Nash. I am working on forming better bonds with Jabari, Lindsay and Jennet right now and honestly to me, Pennino is a non factor as well as Mikey but I am obviously going to try to maintain being on their good side. So that’s all I got for this round it’s been pretty tame except for Jennet immediately leaking our alliance by accident. At this point I really don’t think it matters.

MADISON

Okay so our tribe is not superhuman and we finally lost a challenge so we will be attending tribal tonight. Nobody is really saying much in terms of what will happen which is extremely worrisome, however, I did hear Sam on call very subtly throw Cloud out there and I'm kinda hoping that Jessica and Shane heard that too and will kind of run with it. Daisy wants both of us to be safe and I feel the same way so I'm hoping that's what will happen. In other news!!! I have officially begun the idol hunt one round too late but perhaps that works out better because if something is found, I'll know it. So because of the way things were worded during the hunt, the idol has either been found already or whoever wrote this system wanted to through a red herring in there to trick us. I'm going with the latter because I feel like Jarod would do that. That's all from this neck of the woods for now, hopefully will be writing another one of these bad bois next round :*

SAM

https://youtu.be/liGOEuFKiFo

JENNET

I WILL die for jones btw...

(a little later)

Survived the immunity challenge... at what cost

(after falling asleep on the beach)

The way we accidentally won that comp is literally a joke.... period i guess?

PETE

so we lost cus we’re the beauty tribe not the brains tribe fuck math dude anyways, it’s been hella fuckin quiet like not a lot of people are on and aren’t really talking. Up until about, 4 hours before tribal Sam comes to me and says the vote is gonna be Cloud and i’m like what who why. All he said is “that’s what he’s heard” honestly i think it’s just his own idea but whatever. I don’t know Cloud at all so it’s fine with me. Sam, myself, Jessica, and Shane apparently are all agreed to vote Cloud and with Ethan’s vote that’ll be 5.

CLOUD

i have nithing to say other than i might just be the stupidest person on the planet. absolutley nothing is happening in my head ever. if i stay its pure luck HSKSHSNSKBSKS

NASH

smiles at immunity... this is cute it feels good to not be in danger for once! i’m honestly still worried my tribe might want to cut me at next tribal but at least tonight can be chill! i hope kiki is first brookeisa boot xoxo

SAMMY

honestly there is no tea, daisy found an idol and gambles her vote but she lost her vote early so no worries w that! I love her so much and i hope she doesn’t snake me...but daisy if ur reading this, in this moment i love dont snake me mwah!! I love Jess and I love Cloud but everyone’s telling me Cloud is the vote but I’m so sad because I had such a good time with them and they are one of the few funny ones in the game!! Anyways not much is happening we lost the challenge cause we are just bad at math...blinks...I don’t think I’m in any danger and this vote should be unanimous. I was also told someone said I was one of the few active people so that’s a check in my book!

JAKE

https://youtu.be/HmtSAjyQoJI

I'm trying to lay low so if I'm not very present on Discord the next day or so that's why hehe

PETE

so ethan is down for voting Cloud, sammy too. Cool great awesome hot. i’m just sitting here vibing and suddenly Sammy tells me that my (and Madison’s) name came up for a second. He said it went away and it’s Cloud for the vote but like jskdhd why do i aaalways get targeted bitch i’m literally just sitting here whYY can’t i relax for once?! Frfr every survivor game it’s always this person or me. I’m always the other option and i just don’t get why lmao

LOVELIS

This tribes been kinda dead until like an hour ago plss, a new alliance of 5 has been organised and somehow me and Shane managed to make it seem like it was Jessica’s idea? Don’t really know how that happened in all honesty but a vibe. Then Daisy also leaked that she’s in another alliance who’s actively idol hunting so that was a lovely bit of beef that I love to see - my guess is she’s in a duo chat with Jess and they’ve tried to get this group formed with people who they think are unconnected, unbeknownst to them that me and Shane have a final two deal and I kinda have one with Sammy as well that happened on day one but it’s not really developed as of yet, he’s not really tried to talk game with me as of yet, but all in due time I suppose there’s plenty of time for more shenanigans 😂

MIKEY

HONESTLY Chile. Not much tea going around since this round we won. Im very proud of Nicole as she literally carried us and I pray she'll do it again dhbhsfg. Ive started getting really close with Jones and she's so fun to talk to, im hoping me her and nash can form a little trio and work together but who knows. Jennet STILL hasn't replied back after like a week so idk what's up w them LMAO

JABARI

So our tribe loved it when we blindsided silver, it puts me in a much better position than before. Now I have to talk more to people and take time to realize what's gonna happen. As of right now I have 2 alliances. The big majority one and the one where its just me and Jake and Jennet.

JENNET

exactly.... 

https://open.spotify.com/album/0pWu9s2gPdVgqHpMR2LDEx?si=uOqh6Ar9RiqNLUfaBZEkvw

TRIBAL COUNCIL

[devilsadvocate007]

Facebook Posts July 2010 - December 2010

4th July 2010

The illusion that everybody's opinion matters has created a society in which stupidity must be considered just as seriously as brilliance. Gone are the days where stupid people weren't allowed to talk while big people were talking. Now they have their own facebook pages.... On the bright side, we no longer have to rely on television for entertainment

_________________________

10th July 2010

♫ Just gonna stand there and watch me burn....well that's alright because I like the way it hurts......Just gonna stand there and hear me cry....well that's alright because I love the way you lie...♫  - ‘Love the way you lie’, Rihanna ft. Eminem

_________________________

14th July 2010

If there's no such thing as no such thing, then there is such a thing as no such thing, which means that there really is no such thing as no such thing.

_________________________

15th July 2010

Bad?: So I was standing next to a fat girl and I turned to her and said "moo". At first she started to cuss and call me names and tell me about my mother. I quietly said "moo" again without lifting my gaze. This time she started screaming and clawing at me. For the last time...I said "moo". She stopped and looked at me, then after a minute of silence she said "father?"

_________________________

25th July 2010

You know you're doing something wrong when your fiancée tells you "I'd rather be his whore than your wife"... ♥ Titanic

_________________________

30th July 2010

You ever meet someone so dumb that you think they're up to something? "What?....no....what you playing at?....wait.....you're serious?"

_________________________

5th August 2010

The 1st tao of Jarid: {For all those in a relationship...the sentence "It doesn't matter anymore, I have a man, I'm gonna let loose" is not acceptable unless you're talking about a party or sex.}

_________________________

6th August 2010

I know I'm not the only person that finds irony in the fact that the guy that recently beat the JAMAICAN Bolt, is called Mr. Gay. lol "Gay shocks Bolt in Stockholm" is the Headline....So what did we learn? U can run from gays all u want my Jamaican brethren, but it'll catch up with you eventually...

_________________________

15th August 2010

Life is too short to waste on people who don't realize how awesome you are. I knew an awesome person who never followed the crowd or did what was 'expected'. She's gone now, but I can say she lived her life the way she wanted to, surrounded by people she liked who definitely liked her. When my time comes, I want someone to say the same about me. So fuck off and thank you.

_________________________

17th August 2010

Can someone explain to me how purposely doing something that makes your guy friends happy and like u, but at the same time leaves ur woman unhappy and unsatisfied, isn't gay? "Bow cat" it would seem is the opposite of "battyman"....not synonymous.

_________________________

20th August 2010

"Ur like a giant fucking cock blocking robot developed in a secret government lab or something" - Zombieland (lmao)

_________________________

21st August 2010

♫ That's alright, thats ok....g'on head believe what ur home girls say...a nigga like me drink alotta liquor, meet alotta bitches, take alotta pictures....I might break bread with 1 or 2 strippers, but that don't mean u gotta pull my zipper...thinkin that I dicked down the whole town, even tho I got dick to go round ♫ - ‘Smell yo dick’, Kay Luv

_________________________

22nd August 2010

♫ You say its my fault, ok then I'll go...its better to know...how theres nobody to argue with...cuz im not home...dont care who ur with....dont call my phone...or did u forget...u know you're wrong...I'm gone....and you're all alone....hearing your own damn...eh echo eh echo ♫ - ‘Echo’, Gorilla Zoe

_________________________

8th September 2010

♫ A penny for my thoughts, oh no I'll sell them for a dollar, They're worth so much more after I'm a goner, And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin', Funny when your dead how people start listenin'...If I die young ♫ - ‘If I die young’, The Band Perry

_________________________

10th September 2010

The tao of Jarid: "Facebook is not a place to publish things you wish to remain private. By its very nature, anything put on here voluntarily is for people to notice, see, and by extension comment or ask about. Getting defensive when asked about something YOU put up in the public domain makes no sense."

_________________________

11th September 2010

The tao of Jarid: "Women treat the male gene pool like a real pool. They all jump in and splash around the shallow end in their youth...then wade out to the deeper end as they get older."

_________________________

15th September 2010

“Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar [violin] to a gorilla.” - Jim Bishop

_________________________

17th September 2010

Taxi driver on the way home today: "You see men? Especially young men like you? You need to eat raw foods. Lemme tell u the other night I was with my gf and no matter WHAT position I put her in...me deya fight fi cum! FIRST time me haffu TRY cum. All when me done, cocky stiff stiff"

_________________________

22nd September 2010

Birthdays on facebook are really opportunities for people that never speak to you to subtly say "I care! Don't delete me! Look how I wrote on ur wall!" lol

_________________________

23rd September 2010

The tao of Jarid: The lawyer most people know is the American lawyer. That's why lawyers have a bad name. Caribbean lawyers are nothing like their American counterparts (the laws and practices here are vastly different). People should remember that before they band all "lawyers" together.

_________________________

23rd September 2010

Listen, I understand that having a BB means that u can talk to anyone at anytime for free, but seriously...10 grown ppl sitting in a room engrossed in their phones not speaking to each other, is ridiculous. What happend to common courtesy, what happened to meeting new people and saying hi to a stranger? Sheesh. U remind me of little kids in church playing their gameboys.

_________________________

26th September 2010

U know what I hate? The fact that hypocrisy is so prevalent. Any time you see someone stand up and strongly take a stand against something...9/10 times they do it. If they vehemently denounce homosexuals, 9/10 times, they're sleeping with little boys. Its SO common now, that I never want to take a strong stand against anything, lest ppl think I secretly do it. Chupz.

-

The tao of Jarid: For those of you who believe that "no means no, but unconscious means yes".....a prison cell awaits.

_________________________

28th September 2010

The legal way of saying “nigga stole my bike”:  “ A human being of the male gender wth black pigmentation on his skin appears 2 have acquired without my consent my 2-wheeled, non-motorized private and/or recreational transportation, also known as "bike", and appears 2 have driven away with said 2-wheeled, non-motorized private and/or recreational transportation, despite my attempt of chasing the said human being, completely ignoring my request 2 give sed item bk” - username iani103. Man, I love my profession.

_________________________

1st October 2010

I think women should develop the same "fuck it" mechanism guys have. If there's a baby in the house crying for hours on end...what you will not find is a man around. Y? Cuz we can't fix it and its driving us crazy, so we roll out and go by Tony's house to watch football, i.e. fuk it. More women should do that instead of staying in the stress and snapping and shaking their babies to death or driving them into a river.

-

The tao of Jarid: Facebook should have a 'WHO CARES?!?' button....and make my page immune to it.

_________________________

2nd October 2010

The tao of Jarid: The more "LMAO"s and "LOLOLOL"s your status contains, the less funny the actual subject matter is. Contrary to popular belief, nothing gets funnier the more you laugh at it by yourself.

-

Grown men's fascination with penitentiary pussy confuses me... Sex with it = go to prison. What's the problem? Where's the option? All I see is "Sex with prison". No thanks. That's like the "option" 'get in this dark van so I can drive u to my abandoned cabin in the woods or I shoot you'. All I should be hearing is *gunshot*.

_________________________

4th October 2010

The tao of Jarid: Drama vampires are not cool. While the rest of us need food and water to live, these creatures survive solely off drama and other people viewing it. The only effective way to deal with them is to block and delete them from everything. If you can't see their drama, they weaken and die. True story.

-

“I think when you put sex and spirituality in the same bottle and shake it up, bad things happen. Yes, I said I kissed a girl. But I didn’t say I kissed a girl while f-ing a crucifix.” - Katy Perry (on why she dislikes Lady Gaga’s music video for ‘Alejandro’) 

_________________________

5th October 2010

"This is my facade of civility; do not mistake for complacency, for once this veil is taken down, you'll see a vicious turn around...of all you grew to know and love...the hand lying beneath the glove.... An animal living in a shell. A beast who's come to raise all hell."

_________________________

6th October 2010

The tao of Jarid: Forget CNN, BBC or any other news organisation....nowhere else are world issues more discussed than on YouTube's comments section

_________________________

8th October 2010

You are one person, out of 7 billion people, on one planet, out of 8 planets, in one solar system out of a hundred billion solar systems, in one galaxy out of a hundred billion galaxies.......you are ENORMOUSLY insignificant, and don't let facebook ever make you forget that. [De-motivational Speech for the day]

_________________________

11th October 2010

Anybody remember when they FIRST came on fb YEARS ago? How it used to be? How Fb made hi5 look like the social networking ghetto? It was so clean and neat and classy. "Jarid Hewlett", likes, interests, lil about myself. Send ur friends who u havent seen since primary school messages. It was a magical innocent time. Why did you people have to rape facebook? Why?

-

Now? as NC17 says, no more "Jarid Hewlett", we have "Jarid fuckspussyallday Hewlett", we have "What kind of telly tubby would u have sex with?" quizzes, we have people fighting over who their baby's daddy is for the world to see. (Btw when did this shit become acceptable? Not knowing which guy ejaculated inside and impregnated you is something people used to be ashamed of and settle in private...why is it cool to broadcast this now?), we have break ups where guys blatantly put their numbers under "X is no longer in a relationship"..... What happened to CLASS??? I understand they don't teach that in school, but they bloody well should. No one comes on fb to keep in touch with people anymore. And the ones that do, spend 20% of their total fb time doing that. The rest of us laugh or bow our heads in sadness at the ridiculous shit people post. I'm black and I hate racists and racism, but goddamn it....sometimes, as much as I hate to admit it.....I see where they're coming from. <sigh>

_________________________

15th October 2010

♫ We're going out tonight...to kick out every light, take anything we want, drink everything in sight, we're going till the world stops turning while we burn it to the ground tonight! ♫ - ‘Burn it to the ground’, Nickelback

_________________________

21st October 2010

The tao: Men get bitter, just as women do. The difference is, a bitter woman will say "fuck men" and never have sex again. A bitter man will say "fuck women" and do just that.

_________________________

26th October 2010

The tao: "All inclusive" does not mean "free cheap rum and vodka with juice". Stop the false advertising.

_________________________

27th October 2010

The tao: Having high standards doesn't necessarily exempt you from whoredom. While we all agree that having low to no standards makes one a ho, having high, meaningless standards makes one a ho too. "I only sleep with guys that drive BMWs" is a high standard. It is not a substantive standard.

-

♫ And who do you think you are? Running round leaving scars....Collecting your jar of hearts, tearing love apart........You’re gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside your soul.........So don’t come back for me, who do you think you are? ♫  - ‘Jar of Hearts’, Christina Perri

_________________________

28th October 2010

"Labour all de way"? "UPP all de way?".....come on, man. I'm "all the way" with whoever makes Antigua a better country. Politics has come to mean arbitrary following of a party that makes your immediate life better regardless of the long term. Don't even get me started on 'patriotism'.

_________________________

31st October 2010

The tao: He who is slow to anger gets annoyed the longest.

_________________________

1st November 2010

♫....you just hurt my goddamn feelings, and that was the last one I had ♫ - ‘Here we go’, Eminem

_________________________

2nd November 2010

Lawyer talk: My Lord, my client was not anywhere near the building when the window was broken, and if he was, he did not break the window, and if he did break the window, he did so by accident, and if he didn't break it by accident, it wasn't the complainant's window, and if it was their window, it was their fault for putting it where my client throws stones.

_________________________

8th November 2010

Mr. Kartel, you sir, have lied to me.....apparently women do not want a man whose "buddy long like a thousand match stick line up"....apparently that hurts and more than 90% of it will be outside anyway. You have misled me sir, and I demand an apology.

_________________________

10th November 2010

On a serious note.....which do you think is more "loving" and less "heartless"? (Option A) Being in a relationship and cheating gratuitously on your significant other? Or (Option B) breaking up with your significant other who probably didn't see it coming, because you want to sleep with someone else?

_________________________

11th November 2010

The tao: No one really sees anything. Everyone thinks they see something. I might think I see a pudgy, ugly woman, you might think you see a curvy goddess. Who knows whats actually there...The difference between sane and insane people is that insane people are just a little more creative with what they think they see....and nothing can change their mind.

_________________________

14th November 2010

The tao: If someone tells you something you don't understand, don't repeat it. It might have been wisdom when they told you...but after your brain is done with it, there's a high chance it comes back out as crap.

_________________________

15th November 2010

"You're Cuban AND Jamaican?? That's a really.....illegal mix, lol. So you speak Spanish and bloodclaat?" - Mike Yard (*dead*)

_________________________

17th November 2010

The tao: One should never let emotions get in the way of reality. Sometimes people just don't appreciate you no matter how you feel about them. That's ok. Someone does.

_________________________

19th November 2010

♫ Well I'm a poet to some, a regular modern day Shakespeare.....Jesus Christ, the King of these latter day saints here ♫ - ‘Renegade’, Jay-Z & Eminem

  _________________________

25th November 2010

The tao: Whenever you think "don't let a good thing pass you by"....remember that many things are only good now BECAUSE you let them pass you by at first. Don't be afraid to let go.

 _________________________

26th November 2010

"If my wanting to see you was on a scale of 1-10.....I'd still say no". It takes a while to fully appreciate just how horrible this statement is.

_________________________

27th November 2010

U know what I just realized..?..The first time I listened to the Marshall Mathers LP was on *cassette*...in my * Walkman*....that Michael Henry had copied for me.....I'm gonna reserve my rocking chair in the old folks home from now, see...

-

The tao: Stop saying "I'm just me". Everyone is just them. If you choose to be someone who tries to be like other people, that's still who you are. You are just a personalityless ninny, but it's still who YOU are. You can't ever be anything else but you. "I'm just me" is like saying "I breathe oxygen". No shit.

-

♫ Me start da day wit a flask, cranberry an ice inna glass....satellite can't find me me lost....buy me own liquor cuz me a me own boss....drink fi drunk dat me endorse....OH ♫ - ‘Rum & Red Bull’, Beenie Man &Future Fambo

_________________________

30th November 2010

Seriously....if I read one more comment under a political story with someone urging people to "wake up", I'm going to slap somebody. I always find it fascinating that politics turns otherwise sensible people into jackasses. "Belief is the enemy of reality".

-

Lesbians have life so easy.....girls are very gay normally, lol. Dressing in front of each other, dancing up with one another, feeling up one another etc.....you could pretty much spend ur whole life being a lesbian and no one would ever know once u lie every now and again about some boy u find hot.

-

"The fact is governments deal with the United States because it's in their interest, not because they like us, not because they trust us and not because they think we can keep secrets," - US Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. If that's not gangsta, I dunno what is...

_________________________

2nd December 2010

♫ I love my life....none a we don't know wey tomorrow might bring cuz the future deh hours away...so me go live my life today...me ah live my life today...so lowe me mek me talk what me want fi talk, me have nuff fi say...so me go live my life today...me ah go live my life today ♫ - ‘I love my life’, Demarco

_________________________

7th December 2010

The tao: Never overestimate the power of friendship.

_________________________

9th December 2010

♫ De boy ketch me a stamp up him gyal postcard....want arrest me but....him anna sarge....he nah stop tell me how him a camouflage....never voice ya hear from him vocal cord because.....a we mek nuff man start drink Guinness ♫ - ‘A we’, Hawkeye

_________________________

11th December 2010

The tao: The next time someone you thought you mattered to lets you down, always remember that its not their fault you don't have better friends.

_________________________

17th December 2010

Men beware: "Your mouth says no, but your eyes say yes" will never ever stand up in court.

_________________________

19th December 2010

The tao: Stop bitching about the 'true meaning' of Christmas. People like presents. Deal with it.

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21st December 2010

The tao: Put on a jamaican accent and include "bloodclaat" or "bumboclaat" and any sentence becomes five times funnier. E.g. "Where are u going, u unhygienic homosexual?" "Yow, a where dis dutty skin, yellow teet, shitty draws BUMBOCLAAT battybwoy a go?" Same message. Five times funnier.

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25th December 2010

The tao: "I have a boyfriend".........."Babes....you can have ALL the boyfriends you want...not "a", not "some".....ALL.....me still want u". - This conversation will always go like this. Saying you have a boyfriend is not a substitute for saying no.

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30th December 2010

New year new me! "Are u getting a sex change?" What? no..... "Are you changing careers?" Um..no.. "Are you radically overhauling your entire personality?" Not really... "Shut up and sit down"

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket Manga Review (ch 90-91)

Since I discussed the first few pages of ch-90 that contains kyo & tohru in my previous preview, this one will only be kyoko’s story.

Kyoko’s story brilliantly explores the effects of unhealthy domestic environment on children without the use of the zodiac curse as a metaphor for abuse. My first-reaction of kyoko’s story is the following:

I really enjoyed how kyoko’s descend into darkness was explored & how the psychologically-informed writing of her behavior was depicted.

I was troubled by how Katsuya was presented as the magical solution to all her problems. Kyoko was saved by romantic love in a more basic writing than machi. Both girls just needed a guy to listen to them vent abt their family issues once & tada~ they’re in love.

Kyoko’s story made me realize that Arisa is just a more modern & healthier kyoko.. The only difference is that Kureno didn’t save Arisa. She herself changed gradually due to kyoko & tohru’s influence.

1) Kyoko’s descend into Darkness:

Kyokyo told kyo that she was already “out of control delinquent before she got to middle school”, “ fell into the wrong crowd”, “ enjoyed beating innocent ppl”. subtly citing the influence of “delinquent peers” & the innate desire be noticed at home. I’m bad, notice me! love me, listen to me!

There are some elements in her story that faintly reminds me of yuki & strongly reminds me of kyo:

Kyoko’s parents gave her a treatment similar to “ yuki’s parents”: cold, neglect & devoid of love. Her dad, similar to kyo’s dad, felt ashamed & disgraced by her.

Kyoko similarly to kyo was angry, full of self-loath & self-destruction. However, kyo was never violent like she was. I believe kyo’d have turned like her if he didn’t have Kazuma to discipline him with love, care & attention. Hence, we saw kyo carry on a code of “ not beating girls, or ppl who aren’t hurting them, or don’t know martial arts”, like Arisa or the student council guy whop loves yuki.

Kyoko’s mom similarly of kyo’s mom talked abt the dad venting his anger on her after being pissed off with kyoko. So, a hint of domestic violence between husband & wife.

Kyoko described herself as “ made of shattered glass”. Tohru once said both kyo & yuki are very sensitive. yuki blocks the world behind the prince mask & kyo puts on the annoyed attitude to push ppl away from hurting him.

Society thinks that “delinquent/bad ppl” are always happy with what they’ve become. Satisfied with their destructive choices. When in most of the times... they’re as bewildered & confused as the community around them..

I really don’t blame the teachers for being defensive. Teachers aren’t supposed to be “life-coaches” or “saviors of students”. That’s sth the educators with their research gush abt & what society demands & what families wish for. The fixer-teacher!!!! Teachers are ppl teaching a subject, doing a specific job, underpaid & overworked most of the times, also, they come from various backgrounds, beliefs, & sometimes even if they meant good & wanted to “ save” a student, they aren’t equipped with the suitable psychological training. Yeah, there are ppl for that in schools, but so many students with lots of issues. Also, let’s be real, we love kyoko cuz she’s the “epic mother of tohru, we grew on her teachings thro out 3 seasons” but if you meet a loud, delinquent, gangster head, violent chair throwing student who rarely comes anyway, would you wanna deal with them?

2- Katsuya “ the magical savior”:

so, why did teacher katsuya helped a screaming delinquent? cuz he IS interested in kyoko. He said so. He approached her, talked & tried to help cuz he intended to “never let her go since he saw her honesty” ~ romantic? maybe to some.. I find it weird & creepy. him eyeing her & getting interested & approaching her & earning her trust. It is true that he has no intention of hurting her or forcing her & he DID save her in more ways than one. But why is this all wrapped in romance. He DID flirt with her intentionally many times from the moment he saw her until then.

If Im being honest, had he not be her teacher (trainee or not), & had she not be very veeeeery young! I’d be enjoying his flirting so much. He’s so smooth, playful & cool (not looking head over heels in love) which is normally such a fun dynamics. She was so head over heels, tho. Finally found someone who noticed her tiny efforts “ drawing eyebrows”, someone who listened & someone who didn’t forced her to do her “duties”. She tells him (her teacher) that she is ditching classes & he’s okay with that~ not lecturing, not urging. why? cuz He only wants HER. she comes to see him in the lunch break everyday. school? classes? that’s her choice~ not his business~ In a way, Katsuya is intentionally made not morally correct. Why? cuz a good moral adult wouldn’t be in love with a middle schooler & would care for her future as an independent person from him. He must be written with intentional desire to NOT care for morals or right or the likes. Yes, he later helps her to study & graduate but ONLY when that is HER choice & she made it ONLY to catch up with him. To cleanse herself & be “ like the other girls” . Kyoko deemed katsuya “ good person” &  herself “ bad person”. That’s why she was motivated to be good to catch up with him since she can NO LONGER see him everyday in lunch break. He fixed that. How? teach her in the weekends & provide better chances to flirt since he’s no longer a teacher & she’s his student. The issue is not teacher-student love... it is adult-kid love!! but hey~ they’re cute (they’re written to be, so they are) so it’s cool ( it isn’t at all..eww).. oh the dilemma that is Takaya-san’s love for weird big age gaps where one is an underage teenager...

Furuba’s has this big theme of “ love doesn’t heal or save”. yuki took tohru’s love & grew up by himself. Kyo’s love for tohru didn’t save tohru, she was scared to be in love & forget her mom. Tohru made the decision to be free from her past, herself.  Tohru’s love to kyo made his trauma 10 times more complicated & he acted based on his love for her & decided to leave her. It wasnt until he decided to face his trauma, past & bio dad by himself, that he accepted tohru’s love. Only two characters were totally saved by love:

Machi: has the excuse of being solely created to be yuki’s reward for acknowledging platonic love for tohru & everything abt her is rushed & made as a lighter copy of all yuki’s issues to quickly create shared grounds for them to connect. Machi needed to vent her issues to yuki once & all her issues were never brought back to the service again. She was happier, calmer & healed.

I expected more for kyoko. She IS a bigger character than half of the zodiacs! but she just needed katsuya to listen to her & she was in love & her issues solved.

I don’t deny that it IS true that sometimes all we need is someone to listen to us. Tohru herself said so & even yuki said it to kyo. But Even if someone listen to us & we love them, the issues that troubled us dont magically disappear until we face them or do sth abt them aided by those who love us. Kyo’s issues remained even with his love until he faced them, tohru’s too!

Katsuya:

had off-screen issues with expressing himself. He said that he loved kyoko cuz she was “honest abt her ugly feelings” while he pretended to “humor & please his dad”. He gave a wonderful speech to her parents abt the expectations of parents on their kids & the refusal of their “human weakness” again furuba’s main vision. Unfortunately, this was followed with confessing, marriage proposal & kissing her on the lips all while the whole issue is abt kids/ parents exceptions of middle schooler/ neglect & his own acknowledgement that she’s minor while he was “in love”.

Like the author wants to tie kyoko’s issues & katsuya’s issues so bad & present him as her ONLY chance for normal life. Kyoko was just repenting & understanding that her actions got consequences which is an epic moment! but romance triumphant & saved the day~ yay~! marriage!

The story would’ve been better romantically if it was given time for kyoko to “ grow up” just like katsuya himself said when they were at the beach. He said “ grow up, middle school is not the world”. He continued meeting her but never confessed & never crossed the line despite the flirting. But he KNEW what he was doing “ i never planned to let you go since I saw you”. He was cementing his place as the ONLY one in her world.

Had kyoko grew up, saw the real world, kept taps with katsuya, he helped her broaden her world, then they’ll marry without needing her dad to sign papers, then that would be a better love story than this.

Side Notes:

The writer didn’t shy away from confessing that pairing Katsuya & kyoko is problematic & stated it in canon (kyoko called katsuya “pedo”). She did the same with Arisa & kureno (Arisa thought the age gap is big & hana questioned if kureno is a married man). However, making the story acknowledge that as an issues doesn’t make it less uncomfortable, but at least, I respect when writers do what they plan to do regardless of fans. even if I dont agree with the writer. It’s way better than when writer becoming fans toy/ fans pleaser.

Still, couldn’t the author state that kyoko was held back few years in jmiddle school & failed & repeated school years? like make her i duno 17 or sth... this would at least lessen the big age gap... but no~~~ kyoko is what? 14? ... -_-’.

You bet this won’t change a bit in the upcoming anime spinoff abt kyoko. Just this year an anime abt an adult man & his high school love interest that he pursued stubbornly was highly popular & my real life friends were gushing abt “ him finally winning her/ being respectful & only kissing her lips once or sth/waiting for her to “catch up” with him”/ consent age differ in X & Y countries..I’m not dictating my beliefs on anybody or any country or saying my way of thinking is the just way. I’m saying, Personally, I think, there are better romantic stories than adults & kids couples.. The fact that this trope of (adults & kids romance) is still popular even today is sad~~

I dont mind HUGE age gaps as long as BOTH characters are adults. If any of them makes a crime, they’ll be held responsible by the law. & sometimes the younger adult is the one dominating the relationship. but “kids or teenagers” can’t. They’re easily groomed & manipulated, so it bothers me when a love story between an adult & a kid is portrayed as  “equal”. it isn’t.

I’m not judging whoever loves such trope in “ fiction”. it IS fiction, & as long as you don't pursue a real kid/teenager in real life, you can like whatever in fiction. moving on~

kyoko’s delinquent life is well-written & if done right, would send a powerful message of being able to start over. But the romantic love aspect will steal the spotlight by (a) directing uncomfortable hate/disgust towards the story & hence all the discussions will abt the “pedo” aspect. (which is fair). (b) Perceived as so lovable romance since katsuya is the prince who to saved the neglected princess which is a trope that has stood thro time garnering lots of support & attention always, so all the discussion would be abt their “cute romance”. (which is fair since the author weaved elements that endeared their romance, such as: cute nicknames “miss no-eyebrows”, him giving her space, home & respect, saving her from the streets & poverty & having the most endearing tohru”. So, yeah, the romance will be the center of attention regardless.

I like katsuya’s character type in fiction generally: the flirty, mischievous & a bit cool guy who is so aware he’s wrong most times & plays his cards smart to not get caught red-handed. He’s a cooler version of shigure. It’s just the blatant fact that he’s been planning to “get” a middle schooler from the first glance & that she is wayyyy young for this, that is bothering me so so much~~ T_T.

I wont expect the anime to change their age gap cuz it is the essence of their story that she’s a lost kid with no protection against the world & he’s the savior providing everything at once!~ Remember kyoko went on to be the savior of an entire clan tho tohru~ So in a way, katsuya saved the sohmas by saving kyoko....

“ i’m like a stray cat that he looked after instead of chasing away”. kyoko with katsuya is like kyo with kazuma! >_<!. When kyo met tohru, he wasn’t a stray cat, most of how he dealt with her was cuz he already knew her & was tormented by remembering kyoko’s death & feeling guilty towards tohru’s constant pain. That’s why when kyo started falling in love with tohru, he unconsciously stopped pushing her away little by little & just wanted to be with her until akito said “ i’ll hurt her” that’s when he totally gave up.

the way katsiya appeared in the right moment to save kyoko from her dad~ oh the drama. XD

Hospital Discharge & chase. like mom like daughter~ but thank God the kids got a more balanced love story.

Comparing kyoko/katsuya to Arisa/kureno in the broad writing of their romance without diving into details: (a) I hate the age gap in both but at least Arisa is older & nothing happened until she graduates & become an official adult. (b) Kyoko/katsuya are more fleshed out & if you forget the age gap,m their dynamic is so cute & endearing. (c) the love at first glance, never meeting afterwards yet still sickly in love to the extinct of screaming made Arisa/kureno shallower. (d) now that I saw teenage kyoko, Arisa is really just her clone! I hate that this steals from Arisa’s uniqueness. (e) both couples ate ramen in their first meeting/first unofficial date signalling their blooming love.

I’ve said this more than once, but I was the high-schooler that fancied adult independent men growing up, I never pursued anyone tho cuz I understood it was a crush even tho I’m pretty sure my “ *_*” face was clear to one or two, but I’m definitely lucky none of them tried to woo me or influence me. Now that I’m a grown woman, I think back & laugh at my self. I fancied them cuz they were independent & mature compared to the silly high school boys, which is what those men are supposed to be (adults) & what those boys are supposed to be (living their young age). lol. Still, I wish I found someone somehow to be my life’s partner since then, it would’ve made my life less lonely~ T_T.