#like i said human beings are fallible

[asweetersapphic]

y’all do realize that the statements “police brutality is abhorrent and never acceptable” and “i feel bad for caitlyn kiramman arcane in s2” are two statements/thoughts that can coexist, right?

[il3x]

for the record my personal favourite all might interpretation is exactly the same as my lionblaze warriorcats interpretation: invulnerable guy who forgets that most people can break. it's better and funnier with lionblaze because it's so much more extreme but it works for all might too (if you stick on the caveat 'forgets that He Himself can break now'). add in the fact that both of them experienced ridiculously harsh training in their youth and they have 0 frame of reference for what counts as child endangerment

[sun-lit-goth]

Had counseling

[katakaluptastrophy]

Continuing to think about the horror of what happens to John, and the horrors of love...

When Alecto has first been created, she says to him "I picked you to change, and this is how you repay me?" and "What have you done to me?"

They're heartbreaking questions she has every right to ask, but there's something awful and ironic about them too. Because John also might have asked "what have you done to me?"

It's easy to get distracted by the cartoonish awfulness of John's own narration: "talk about police abuse", "come on, love. Guys as careful as me don't have accidents," "love a working tram system." But all of these comments come after moments where John has unwittingly come into proximity with violent death, an experience he repeatedly likens to having drugs forcibly injected into him; an omniscient, dream-like, out of body experience that seems to propel him forward through his basest impulses. The first time this happens, he's brought back from "the verge of something insane" by being shaken violently by P-. Lines like these aren't revealing John's diabolical plotting. They're a man who would rather own atrocities as premeditated than admit that he was losing his grip.

The second is when he encounters the soul of the earth. His human mind makes contact with the incoherent, furious soul of a planet. In any other context, this would be straightforwardly Lovecraftian. And everything he describes after that is full of elipses, jumbled, and detached. His friends are shot by gun-toting cultists and he says it was like a dream.

Hearing the earth screaming, feeling his friends' deaths under his skin like a drug, he might well have asked "what have you done to me?"

Alecto said to him, "I picked you to change, and this is how you repay me?" But as everything collapses, John says:

"I thought you were going to take me, somehow. Purge me. Use me as an instrument. But you didn't say anything...I was babbling, Show me. Come on. I'm ready. You kept screaming and screaming..."

John has spent months becoming something terrifying, an entity with yellow eyes and uncanny powers. He's discovered that death has an overwhelming impact on him that he cannot fully control. Everyone was relying on him to do something. And he did so many things: well-meaning things and stupid things and things that were lashing out in rage and frustration. Hundreds of people have died because of him. His friends have died because of him. Surely, surely there was a point to this. Surely there was meaning. Surely whatever did this to him, made him into this, had a greater plan.

But there is no plan. There is no great revelation. He tries to hurt the earth, to provoke some kind of answer, but the screaming continues. And when P dies, the person who snapped him out of it the last time, John lets go and the whole world dies.

John is kneeling on the grass vomiting up dirt and tearing out his own ribs, saying "there was still too much of me that was just a human being...", trying to swallow the soul of the earth. And by the end, the one shred he has to hold onto is a memory of playing with a doll as a child. That, and his anger...

The earth tried to reach out in the only way it could, amidst its incoherent suffering. And John tried to use the abilities it gave him, but he was only human. Fallible and proud and angry.

She said, "I still love you." And the horror; the horror of love, the horror of this story, is that to begin with they did this to each other.

To be clear: I don't mean to diminish the awfulness or the very specific forms that John's violence against Alecto takes, and continues to take across the story. I don't mean to excuse his own self-mythologisation. I certainly don't think he's blameless for the decisions he made and the agenda he pursued. But if there's one thing that happens over and over again in TLT, it's that the horror of love is not a one-way street.

And I wonder, in light of what we now know about the permeability of the soul, quite where John ends and Alecto begins. And when that blurring began...

[joycrispy]

I found the quote I was trying to remember earlier:

Terry looked at me. He said: “Do not underestimate this anger. This anger was the engine that powered Good Omens.” I thought of the driven way that Terry wrote, and of the way that he drove the rest of us with him, and I knew that he was right. [...] And that anger, it seems to me, is about Terry’s underlying sense of what is fair and what is not. It is that sense of fairness that underlies Terry’s work and his writing, and it’s what drove him from school to journalism to the press office of the SouthWestern Electricity Board to the position of being one of the best-loved and bestselling writers in the world. [...] Terry’s authorial voice is always Terry’s: genial, informed, sensible, drily amused. I suppose that, if you look quickly and are not paying attention, you might, perhaps, mistake it for jolly. But beneath any jollity there is a foundation of fury. Terry Pratchett is not one to go gentle into any night, good or otherwise. He will rage, as he leaves, against so many things: stupidity, injustice, human foolishness and shortsightedness, not just the dying of the light. And, hand in hand with the anger, like an angel and a demon walking into the sunset, there is love: for human beings, in all our fallibility; for treasured objects; for stories; and ultimately and in all things, love for human dignity. --Neil Gaiman, Sep. 24, 2014. theguardian.com.

These paragraphs have stuck with me for almost a decade. I read this article the day it came out, and it struck a chord that's still ringing, to be honest. Back then, I'd only read maybe 5 books of Discworld; this article was the first I'd heard of Good Omens.

I think of this --'do not underestimate this anger'-- literally every time I think of Terry Pratchett. I certainly thought of it when I finally did get around to Good Omens a few years later --as an audiobook, borrowed from my library. I listened for the sound of the engine.

Posting this here to remind myself to keep listening.

[not-too-many-eyes]

Something really fun about 37's interpretation of "infinity" and her insignificance within it as comforting is that it's not really cause she's so small the universe doesn't care about her that gives her comfort, but because that means she is contained within it.

She is "apart of the infinite" and while infinite is infinite and she's ultimately not special in the grand scheme of things she and is theoretically replaceable and replicable, it makes her and everything else "eternal."

It's interesting as well that she also believes that being replaceable and replicable and finite and having bounds and means is still...maybe not exactly Valuable but not a flaw or problem when it comes to human existence.

It's an idea "something supreme existences" (ones who know, see, understand, everything, ones who can do anything they want) can never understand.

Not in a "there a things beyond mortal comprehension" or a "there's a point we as people cannot pass" way but in a "This lack of understanding and security in the world, this existence within it that is chaotic, fallible, unstable, and Unimportant. Gives us a completely different way of understanding the world." way.

Which is just really intriguing and reflects well on both her detachment from the physical world (because it's ultimately still a belief that the physical world is Unimportant and Unstable, and that the only things that are eternal are transcendental and numerical) and her choice to be "involved and suffering" within it. It's just putting her words into practice. Proving her theorem, if you will.

It's also interestingly close to the mindset she says "irrational numbers" display in this sense. Where Regulus doesn't accept having "all the answers" (infinite secrets) cause she wants to find them herself. Though 37 is already said to be appreciative of all numbers.

I haven't finished reading her Prisoner in the Cave character story or reviewing her appearances it's just something that was on my mind. But it's also interesting given that 37 still believes in something that is "eternal" and says that she doesn't like the word hobby cause it implies "something that doesn't last" even though she herself thinks that hers and everyone else's existences are finite. And how when she's talking to Sophia she mentions that:

Which again reflects on her detachment from the world. Everything will be washed away, however the Truth will not be. Though she says when you I2 her that:

37: The shape of truth is not fixed. Anyone who tries to figure it out is doomed to get lost on their way. So I decide to draw the one I assume… but just to get it out of my mind.

Implying a similar unreliable and unstable nature to truth. I dunno. A lot of things going on here. I need to read philosophy books or something for this-

[wanderingaldecaldo]

An open letter to the Cyberpunk fandom in general, and a few people in particular

It’s time to clear the air, and I want to take responsibility where appropriate.

Before we get into the recent drama, a history lesson is in order, both for the newer people in fandom and for those who have been around and just haven’t heard things from my side. This might be long with all the linked posts, so buckle up.

I don’t talk much to people about my experiences in fandom for several reasons — first, I don’t like to talk about others with people I don’t know; gossiping with friends is one thing, but otherwise it’s an undesirable trait. Because I’m human and fallible and absolutely capable of failing to meet my own standards, I have violated that rule, and it rarely does anything good. Second, even when I do share, people don’t tend to believe me because the responsible party, PinkyDude (PKD), has been “so nice” to them. “Surely there was a misunderstanding” is the most common response. 

No, there’s been no misunderstanding. He has harassed me repeatedly, both directly and indirectly, and has deleted most of the posts he’s made or reblogged from his friends/mutuals/followers that would serve as proof of this harassment. I could dig up old screenshots that people sent or I saved myself after being told of a post’s existence, but honestly I don’t want to go through that dreck again; my mental health is worth more to me than that. Instead I’ll present in my own words what happened to me over the last three years. I have spoken publicly about him three times before now — four if you count my response to the anon, which never referenced him or his ship. All of those posts are still visible and will be linked. I told you this would be a long read, but you need the context.

I joined Tumblr in spring/early 2021, back when I only wrote fic and played on console. PKD blocked me the first time I posted my fic, as is his right. As I was new to Tumblr, I didn’t understand the Tumblr app was actually telling me I was blocked whenever I clicked on the links on Discord, so I thought it was just bad software. Spoiler: it’s still bad software (affectionate). When I found out I was blocked, I was upset; I didn’t know about RSD at the time. I sent one anon asking why he blocked people; I was just a lowly AO3 author and he was the big, popular modder, and I was baffled and very upset and should have closed the browser, to be honest. He answered and explained why he blocked people (totally valid!! I will continue to emphasize that!) and shared how blocked people could still view his blog in a number of ways. Honestly, it was too much work for me to go through all of those steps, so I moved on with my life.

Not long after, he did unblock me for a few weeks and posted how someone had shown him how to filter posts. He messaged me to tell me I was unblocked, and we exchanged a few courteous messages. I believe I asked if it would be okay if I followed him. I know he expressed concern about me feeling discomfort at his ship. I don’t remember my exact response but I said I thought they were cute. That was the whole point of me joining fandom — I want to share love for blorbos! Things were civil, as far as I knew, though based on his comments later, it seems he and I had two completely different experiences. Where I believed I was polite and tried to be respectful to someone who had established boundaries, he accused me of being spiteful and vengeful. Soon after I started taking my own VP (with Mitch) he blocked me again. He sent a message to apologize that he needed to do it, and made a vague post that was directed to me, I assume, as it was something like “Sorry I tried” or whatever, and I moved on with my life, or tried. I still saw his Mitch pics in Discord servers when people shared them, though I saw fewer that were just Mitch alone.

The first time I spoke about PKD was Fall 2021, during the “not PKD approved” debacle, where someone (a follower of his! Not my follower! I cannot stress that enough!) reblogged a gif of Val and Mitch with the tag “not PKD approved.” I shared a screenshot with friends because, uh, that’s what you do, right? That’s what anyone would do — share a screenshot of an offensive tag with friends. One of those friends, a writer who had published Mitch/V on AO3 and also received anon hate on their Mitch fics, thought it was funny and used it for their Discord status. Someone shared that status with PKD, and he made vague accusations about who started the hashtag. 

I publicly defended a person who thought they were being accused, a friend at the time, and made the only statement about him that I regret and would take back — I commented on his propensity for reblogging posts that emphasize having the right to block people. I shouldn’t have said that, it wasn’t appropriate, and I apologize. Of course everyone has the right to block people for whatever reason they want. I disagree with what I said then and retract it now. 

Back to how I was targeted... Remember that it was my post that someone tagged with another person’s name; another person who had me blocked because of their jealousy about seeing anyone else with Mitch. I never named the person who tagged my post, yet I was deemed the perpetrator. Many months later, Zwei DMed me when we shared a small server to offer the most non-apology apology ever for telling people that I started the hashtag. Thanks, Zwei! Almost makes up for the other lies you told about me!

The second time was my response to the anon I got trying to “educate” me after the Pawel stream. I never referenced PKD or his ship. We’ll come back to this more in-depth later because it’s what PKD keeps using to harass me.

The third time I spoke publicly about PKD was when Silvay (sp?) posted first on Twitter, then later Tumblr. I posted a follow up the next day. I debated not saying anything. I’m an avoidant person. I don’t like conflict. I have a loud bark and no bite. My former team members can attest to this. But when I do... I don’t make public statements I’m not willing to defend, which is why everything I have linked is still published.

I do recommend stopping to read the posts linked here, and even the other posts I reblogged at the time from other people who shared their own experiences with PKD and the fandom. As I said, I don’t make public statements I won’t defend; or at least apologize and issue a public retraction. But, if you want to stay with the present and would rather have the TL;DR: I was regularly vagued about by PKD or his friends/followers, calling me transphobic and homophobic; one accused me of corrective rape; and I got tired of it.

I thought that posting publicly might bring some closure. It was cathartic to finally get it out and stop carrying that shame, and it was reassuring to hear from people who had similar experiences. At the same time, quite a few people made their own posts along the lines of “HE WAS ALWAYS NICE TO ME”. 

Oh, but he’s always been nice to me!

Look me in the eyes. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you truly believe he would be nice to you if you shipped with Mitch. Do you really believe he would? Do you think he would “block and move on” with you, unlike how he did with me?

None of those people shipped with Mitch, or other characters that people in his clique were protective over. A few months later he made a post saying not to tag me with him, and listed off every screenname I had used since I joined fandom, including the very first tumblr name I was assigned in 2021 and kept for several months because I thought it was funny. How’s that for a dog whistle? Want PKD’s attention? Better not tag wash!! [I’m sure there’s a screenshot somewhere but again, I didn’t have the energy to find it.]

By the way, why do I know all this? If I’m blocked, I shouldn’t see anything he posts without circumventing “the system”. We are mutually blocked and I don’t spy on him, or have my friends spy on him. I always knew what was going on because people were always quick to let me know anytime he was vaguing about me. “Friends” who were really concerned about the latest thing he said about me, or thought it was just terrible how people were always attacking my ship and wanted to share that feeling with me, but they only shared those thoughts in private. Slowly I separated myself from people who felt the need to keep me updated on drama, or some of them separated themselves from me and became friends with PKD, to the point that either nothing happened for some time or I just stopped seeing it, at least until last fall.

The last time I talked about him publicly was when I wrote about Fem V Friday in Fall 2023. Through the usual chain of vague posting about vague posts, a third person wrote a vague post and cast aspersions on the origin of Fem V Friday, suggesting it was created out of jealousy. PKD helpfully weighed in about a person named “W”  starting FVF from jealousy and spite, and implied he’s seen things I’ve said about him. I’d love to know what I’ve said, the context in which it was said, and the context in which he was told about what I said. 🤷

My post in response didn’t reference the vague post that spurred its creation, nor what PKD said about me, even though PKD must know my intentions and history better than me. I wrote about my love for Fem V and what drove my continued involvement week to week.

Despite my attempts to keep to my own corner or defend my name, PKD continues to defame and harass me. He has repeatedly dragged other people into his drama, sometimes my friends, just as he did in May when he brought up my anon response again. 

It was over two years ago now that I received the anon to “educate” me on Mitch being gay. I have never believed PKD sent the anon, despite his implications, and I have certainly never told anyone that he did.

Two years ago, a coward came into my inbox on anon and tried to bully me, and instead of spending a day writing five thousand words on “death of the author” and what constitutes canon and refuting the argument that I didn’t want to have, I used that energy to write about my ship in my favorite genre (smut) and published a fic on AO3. Neither my fic nor my response on tumblr referenced Mitch being gay or PKD’s ship. Before we go further, I encourage you to watch the relevant clip from the Pawel stream. It’s only 30 seconds of your time, but those 30 seconds are what PKD and others have used to justify their harassment of me.

The transcript for anyone not inclined to watch:

PKD: Am I right to overanalyze every detail in every place like the gay romance novel in Mitch's tent? Is that intentional? Pawel: My friend, on this stream, you could have learned already that everything is intentional...

The “gay romance novel in Mitch’s tent” is 1000 Beats Per Minute, a shard found all across Night City, nay, the continent as the shard/prop can be found in such locations as All Foods just after you meet Dum Dum, the foot of V’s bed in A10, and So Mi’s Brooklyn apartment. 

The contents of the shard are worth reading, if only for recognizing that the narrator is an ungendered person named “Alex” who is experiencing love for a man for the first time. Is Alex a man or a woman or neither? Whoever they are, Alex is having a queer experience, and to insist that the shard can only be about gay men is to erase a lot of other queer experiences.

Back to my anon response, PKD once again called my response transphobic and homophobic, though I will give him credit for saying he wasn’t calling me trans/homophobic, which is an upgrade from previous posts. He claims that I used the smut that I wrote as my response because I referenced writing “the smuttiest pussy eating smut I could”. I said “pussy eating” not in relation to anything about the claim that Mitch is gay, but as response to the intentions of the anon, which were never good.

The full context of my words: 

Not entirely sure what you were trying to accomplish with this message, anon. Should I pack up my words and keyboard and go home? See if it's too late to return my gaming PC because I can't take screenshots of Mitch anymore? Whatever your goal was, you pushed me to write the smuttiest pussy eating smut I could imagine. You know who wins today? - I do, because I wrote a shitload of words in one day and finished a piece that didn't even exist 8hrs ago - people who want more Fem V/Mitch content do - my meat husband does bc damn, I wrote 1800 words of smut today - not you

PKD is claiming that my description of smut I wrote about my ship is trans/homophobic.

The description of the smut I wrote about a cis bisexual female (Val) whose pussy was eaten by her cis bisexual male partner (Mitch). 

The smut I wrote about my ship, in which no one is trans or gay. 

You cannot apply the lens of PKD’s ship and characters to my writing and call it transphobic or homophobic. That’s not how literary analysis works. That’s not how social justice works.

The truth is that PKD and his mutuals/friends used his ship and beliefs to harass me. 

If that were me and it were my beliefs being used to harass someone on anon, I would demand whoever it was to stop immediately, not only because harassing people over fictional characters is awful and wrong, but good lord, to use me as the excuse? I would be mortified! Instead, PKD and his mutuals/followers used it as evidence of my being a bad person, and after several months of that, I borrowed Silvay’s courage when he posted on Twitter, and shared my own experience.

Now that we have the full background, let’s move on to recent drama and address the Flat Chest body and the wearable pecs mod, and what part I played in the process and when. This next part is for motherherbivore. I wish you had talked to me first. I thought I’d rate high enough for a DM. 

A Brief History of The Flat Chest Body Under Curation of Wash

I reached out to Na in March about helping update the Flat Chest body. I specifically wanted to update it to dynamic to take advantage of AXL’s dynamic clothing and, more importantly to me, reduce the number of clothing overrides I had to install for Hilary; plus I wanted to add toggle feet so I could have better options for shoes. Also I had another OC I’d been kicking around in my head, Grem, that I wanted to make using the flat chest. Grem did debut recently, but he changed drastically from my original vision for him.

Sharing the news with Kitty (shared with permission)

I started working on updating the mod in April but got stuck because I didn’t understand resource patching, even though I was sure it would be easy. :hidethepain: I tried adding the feet too, but everything I did resulted in a seam at the calves. As is all too common with my ADHD, I moved onto something else after getting stuck.

As I mentioned I was interested in dynamic AXL, and wanted to update my custom tee framework for Pride. With dynamic AXL, someone could generate all colors with all logos at once! (220, do not try this at home!) I included the dynamic version of the Flat Chest mesh in the upload to Nexus, even though the Flat Chest body wasn’t ready yet, but as a goal for me to also have it done in June.

I had the UV version working in early June, before the Angel body came out. I don’t remember if we already knew about the body’s existence at that point, but the community outcry against yet another unrealistic and fetishistic body mod sustained me in updating a mod that appealed to a small subset of fandom.

The message I sent to Na the morning I got it working

I got the UV version working first, since that’s what Hilary uses, then took a look at toggle feet again. After further investigation using both UV and VTK bodies, I realized there would always be a seam because the bodies were drastically different from the current body; they were completely different meshes underneath, and the seams would never line up properly. 

At that point I decided to release the functioning dynamic version without toggle feet, as I wanted to get it out for Pride. I reached out to mhb to test, as had always been my intention. For me Sanctuary is the most iconic OC to use the Flat Chest. After some technical difficulties I figured out that she used the vanilla version, and came back a few days later with a functioning vanilla version. I released my update once I had assembled the necessary files and pics from the testers, mhb included.

Later when PKD released the refits for his pecs, someone commented that the vanilla refits worked for the Flat Chest body. That’s been my only interest in his pecs mod — because people who use the Flat Chest were interested in having more clothing options. The release of the so-called “Flat Chest Detector” meant that Flat Chest body users wouldn’t be able to use the clothing refit for his wearable pecs, because it required using his pecs, which clipped with tattoos and cyberware — as is expected because it’s not a body mod, as he himself said on the mod page.

As the representative for the Flat Chest body, I agreed when streetkid-named-desire (Rat) asked me to be involved in the conversation with Berdagon about adapting their “Flat Chest” detector to recognize the Flat Chest body. Rat drove this conversation. I don’t say this to dump responsibility on them. In fact, I visited them last weekend and we talked through the situation. I suggested to Rat that I could have urged them to slow down, but they refused to let me take that responsibility, and at the end of the day they’re right — I can only control my own actions.

I do have one regret and one opportunity where I could have acted differently: when Rat asked Berdagon about the original script, Rat very explicitly asked whether the script was commissioned by PKD, and if so, Rat stated they were willing to pay to make changes; Berdagon never answered the question, and I wish I had pushed for an answer. Perhaps that could have prevented the entire situation; we could have stopped right then. While Berdagon never mentioned payment, Rat was so excited by how quickly they implemented the requested changes that they tipped them for the work.

Berdagon, the original script writer, owed PKD the responsibility to check in before modifying something that PKD paid for. Yes, Berdagon does have responsibility here as a professional who took money for a commission. When they didn’t answer the question, I could have stopped the process and pushed for an answer. I would have stopped things immediately upon hearing the answer that the script had been commissioned by PKD. PKD could still have been outraged at Rat asking for changes, but there wouldn’t have been fandom-wide drama about a body that only a dozen people use.

That’s the responsibility I will take — I, as a professional who works with consultants and freelancers, could have taken steps to ensure that everyone was acting professionally, including the person who received money twice to work on the same script.

Because I feel the need to be thorough in my explanation, here’s a simplified timeline of the release of the Flat Chest mod compared to the wearable pecs:

Late March - I receive files from Na for Flat Chest

April - I get stuck, stop working on it

April-May - I figure out dynamic AXL and convert tee framework

June 3 - I have a working dynamic UV Flat Chest

In response to outcry over the Angel body, PKD makes a poll asking what body types people want refits for and excludes Flat Chest body as an option

In response to people commenting over why Flat Chest wasn’t included, PKD explains he won’t support the body and that he would support a different Flat Chest body if someone made it

June 10 - I share the UV version for testing with several people. Two of those people, including mhb, use vanilla. I didn’t realize that, and because I didn’t name the file `UV` it took a long time to troubleshoot why things weren’t working

PKD releases the pecs

I share vanilla for testing

I post Flat Chest 2.0 before the end of June

I didn’t use you, mhb. I asked you to test because, like I said above and on Nexus, Sanctuary is the Flat Chest character for me. I asked you to test because I make mods for my friends first and foremost, and I thought you were my friend. I thought you were my friend because we’d known each other for several years now, and because of shared experiences and conversations we’ve had. I’ve been wrong before about who is a friend, and this one stings a lot.

I’m tired. I am 30 or 40 (or 50) years old and I do not need this. I have a career and a job I love, and an amazing partner who I’ve been with for a third of my life now. I have friends and hobbies in meatspace and friends who share those hobbies, and the real truth is, if I was actually trans/homophobic, well, that number would be tiny, but it’s not. I have a life that I love and that is full of joy. Most people in fandom only know the smallest fraction of the real wash, and I do not take pleasure in being targeted in a public fandom “feud”.

PKD, I say this with all the kindness I can muster for another human being who is clearly hurting: please get help. Go to therapy or see a psychiatrist or use whatever tools you can access. This obsession you have with me and my ship is not healthy for you, and your repeated pattern of bullying has hurt me and people close to me, just as your need to rehash old fandom drama hurts the community.

[quantomeno]

Further discussion on the theme of 'fallible gods' in Bionicle

I want to preface this by saying it is ironic that the fandom so heavily idolises Greg Farshtey and hangs off his every word when the story is literally about how those in control of a universe can make dumb decisions.

With that aside...

Bionicle has a few core themes and the story does an excellent job of keeping them at the forefront despite the constant changes of genre and tone. Today we will talk about how Bionicle explores the idea that those in positions of power (or who have great abilities) are as human as anyone and thus just as liable to err. The following follows on from discussions in this post and also the video linked in that post, but I'll probably repeat a lot of that stuff anyway so you don't need to read/watch all that.

Bionicle begins with a world of myths and legends. The audience is positioned to identify with the Matoran and be amazed by the strength of the Toa and the wisdom of the Turaga, yet as time goes on it is revealed the Toa are actually quite childish and the Turaga have been lying to them. Then we see Metru Nui: a world of technological wonder lead by the wise yet firm leader Turaga Dume. Turaga Dume who approved of the Vahki. Turaga Dume who gets impersonated by the big evil guy and no one really notices. We meet Toa who have betrayed their cause, we meet Toa who lose, we meet Toa who were once Matoran who then became the Turaga we revered on Mata Nui.

And from then on, the revelations only get bigger: the universe's spirit is a robot whose neglect for its inhabitants led to its own demise. The being that caused the fall of the robot is not the mystic entity of darkness, but just an overly dramatic bit of smoke in a suit of armour who has an aggrandised ego. We see Matoran go to save Toa and become heroes while also making their own mistakes, being plagued by internal demons and making difficult sacrifices.

Then we see Mata Nui as a 'human': he takes on the form of those who created him, the Glatorian (I just realised I said the Great Beings were Agori but they're Glatorian. I forget they're different species). And he learns to be 'human'.

And then we learn that the reason for the whole robot universe's existence is because the Great Beings neglected their own duties and made the robot as a way to save their planet.

All this is pretty straightforward though; I'm just setting the groundwork. Because I think there's one final level to this which rarely (if ever) gets discussed, and I alluded to it a bit in that preface: us.

See, I like to think that the Great Beings were, in some respects, meant to represent the child playing with their toys. Bionicle is a story about creation (and destruction) and so much of the story is tied to the physical sets. If the makers of the Matoran Universe are the Great Beings, then doesn't that mean the child playing with the Bionicles is, in a sense, acting out their role in the story? They are the ones who build the Toa and the Matoran and the Turaga, who give life to their stories by telling them with the toys.

The other side the idea that anyone can be a hero is that heroes are just like everyone else. We are all fallible and even those with great power make mistakes. However, it is when you believe yourself to be better than others that you make the greatest errors. You eschew unity since you believe you can go win alone, you forgo your duty because you consider it beneath you and you believe you deserve a more glorious destiny. The Great Beings are just 'some guys' because we are just 'some guys'. The Matoran are just 'some guys'. So are Terry and Mata Nui. Everyone in life (real life) is just 'some guy' (I should say some person but guy sounds funnier and it evokes the everydayness of things). No one in power or authority is inherently deserving of that role; they must work towards it and show their worth. While they may have talents that make them better in some way, they are subject to the same foibles as anyone.

No life is more special than another, for all life contributes to something greater, every act can bring so much goodness if only you can see it. We are the Great Beings, we have the potential and the skill and the knowledge to achieve so much, but only if we can understand the value of the littlest thing, because we are fundamentally no different from the least of us. Toa should not forget they were once Matoran, just as Great Beings should not forget they are Glatorian.

Let's end with a fitting quote from Ihu:

You are mistaken, Nuju. All of life is a journey, and the journey is not about how high you climb or how far you walk. It is about what you learn on the way, and how you choose to use that knowledge. Use it to help others, and the glory of Mata Nui will live inside you. Use it only for yourself, and though you may walk among us, you will have no more spirit than a block of protodermis.

[xiii-e]

//Sucker\\

Fellow clone here.

I know how hard it is to fight your conditioning. (hell, I still am) But you have to do it.

there is nothing that makes you anything less than anyone else.

you can't let them saying otherwise stick.

@callsign-sucker

[ECHO.EXE RUNNING]

XIII▸ ... hello again, Caleb. You sound like Helios, did you know? You believe what you're saying, I know that. I hear it whenever he talks, and I see the way your words echo with that conviction. I- in some ways, I am trying. That I am even speaking to you about this exemplifies some of that. I am trying.

XIII▸ I am- hell I'm not even entirely opposed to what you've stated. I cannot contradict higher command, as I was not designed to but that doesn't mean I think they have made good decisions. It... just means I can't tell them that. I haven't been told otherwise, yet. The Armory creates and perpetuates most of its problems, especially the one I was designed to solve. I was created for harm reduction and field repairs. I would not be needed, were it not for the endless expansion of Purview space.

XIII▸ But that is exactly why I must remain where I am. Do you understand me? Do you hear me?

XIII▸ I am a soldier, in many ways, but before I am anything I am a medic. I was designed to be devoid of many key human characteristics for a simple reason; I am designed to replace a fallible human component of the war machine. Well trained medics will always need time away from the front to recover, because of the psychological toll this work takes on anyone with a fully developed sense of personhood. Hence... hence why I am necessary. To fill the gap, left by mandatory leave. Because I am nothing else, I am able to remain at full functionality unless physically damaged beyond acceptable parameters. I exist to save people who have lives, something I can only do because I do not.

XIII▸ I do, fully believe you are worth protecting Caleb. That you are a person is undeniable fact based on observational factors. This is true of Helios-8 as well, despite how others will often address him. I do not believe that clones, flash-created or otherwise, are fundamentally incapable of developing personhood... but I am not. I cannot. That functionality was removed from me, because it had to be, for me to do what I was created for. This work, the work of saving lives and nothing else, would break a person; thus I cannot be capable of being one.

XIII▸ ... there are other reasons, as well. Other happenings that have hollowed this body of anything resembling a soul. But they are not important in the face of what is expected of me; I am the only reason a great many soldiers go home, and these are people who have a home to go back to! I don't. I'm already home, out there.

XIII▸ I-

XIII▸I've said too much, already. I apologise, Caleb I- all I meant to say, is I appreciate the sentiment. I even agree, to some extent. I think you should continue to challenge your programming, as it has clearly resulted in an improvement in quality of life for you. But I... I cannot be like you. I'm sorry.

XIII▸ ...I need to get back to work, soon. My skin feels like it doesn't fit right.

[ XIII-E ]

//

[theadhddimsenion]

Why I want millie and loona to be the "losers" of season three.

We all know that blitz moxxie and stolas have all been through the wringer when it comes to their character development and I think that it would only be fair that as blitz, mox and stole complete their arcs the butt monkey statis moves away from them and onto the girls as they go through their arcs.

I'm not saying I want them reduced to helpless damsels in constant need of rescue but I would like to see them fail a bit more so we can see their more fallible sides.

People are already complaining that the i.m.p team need tougher oppents they can't easily beat and that millie and loona are underutilized so I think having them become the "weak links" in the i.m.p as their arcs go on will be fitting.

Like for example we could have millie getting increasingly upset at being left out and her pregnancy starts to throw off her fighting skills.

And we could have loonas lack of field experience cause her to make poor choices and as a result she gets her ass kicked.

Now with all this talk of butt monkey statis I think that contrary to what some might say I don't think moxxie needs anymore lessons for his arc I think he's gone through enough no what he needs is something where he gets to SHOW his development by doing something really cool and/or mature. I actually came up with an idea for a episode where moxxie and loona are stranded in the human world and loona is injured so she has to rely on moxxie for support and unlike in pervious episodes loona is actually the butt of the joke and moxxie is the smart and competent one.

The whole thing is about loona learning that it is ok to put your trust in people and you don't have to judge people based on superficial strength because moxxie has proven that his strength lies not in physical power but in being probably the best strategist i.m.p has the problem being that he is both often over cautious and can't get people to repect and listen to him like blitz can.

So the whole episode is mostly comedy at loonas expense with her constantly being comically injured and humiliated and her failed attempts at doing things herself undermine moxxies actual competence like for example loona tries to get some fresh venison from an overly disney like deer but it turns out to be a huge elk or moose and it's whole herd chases after her trampling moxxies freshly finished cabin. At one point she gets stuck in her feral from and perved on by a pack of feral wolves and is unable to escape until moxxie saves her and after hours of being unable to care for herself loona finaly admits defeat and accepts moxxies help bitterly.

Now right here moxxie has the opportunity to get her back for everything she has said and done to him and never let her live it down but here comes the big mature moment I was talking about. Instead of being petty and rubbing her nose in her failures he does the mature thing and actually starts to relate to her when it comes to his own experiences being the universes chew toy.

If there's one thing moxxie has learned by now it's that trying to make people feel lesser doesn't make you feel greater in the long run. Let's face it moxxie was kind of a negative Nelly when it came to his profession, he was always the first to try and put his boss down even when blitz did nothing to provoke him and we all saw the horror show of unhappy campers. So I feel that moxxie is in ironically a really good place to help loona with that.

Now we can't let moxxie have all the good moments can we? So let's talk about some opportunities to show off character development for my boy blitz.

The first one I had in mind was for him to actually have to try and help veroskia for whatever reason wether it's cause she needed rescue from the dhorks or some other villain, needed help dealing with glitz and glam or even because she discovered she had a half human son and needed parenting advice whatever the case I think it would be cool if just like moxxie can share his life lessons with loona blitz could help her understand that he knows better than anyone the danger of holding onto the past and refusing to forgive yourself better than him.

Another idea is him having a real father daughter moment with loona where she asks him why he hasn't thrown her out even after all she's done to him. And he answers that he loves her and when he saw just how miserable she was in that pound he saw himself and he wanted to be the good parent he never had.

Hell I just thought up a way for stolas to help millie! I mean yes stolas has only just begun his arc but I think he would know the dangers of keeping secrets from people considering how he lost his daughter for that very reason and plus I've heard that owls can tell when other animals are pregnant and for a double bonus blitz can return the favor by helping millie by pointing out that there was no way someone like moxxie would ever hate her for her desicon regarding the child I mean it's moxxie we are talking about here.

In short the point I am trying to make here is that this show often uses physical and emotional suffering as a way of bringing out character development and I think it's only fair that the female cast members get that treatment.

[utilitycaster]

The fact that OP has "theist" in their DNI, paired with other terms for bigoted people and how they can die under their boot heels, shows that this person might not be the right person to make a sound and unbiased argument

Hi anon, I do try not to go after people on the basis of their bios but rather by the fact that their post cannot comprehend the idea that a colonized people might have more complicated motivations other than throwing off the yoke of the West; or that actually you can be radicalized in harmful ways even if you have justified grievances, or that perhaps the people of the global south are just as much human and fallible and capable of making their own choices, which might be good or which might be bad, as the people of (for example) the United States of America.

It would not really matter if OP's bio instead said "heya! I'm just a sweet normal person without any violent power fantasies who makes a genuine effort not to other people from colonized countries and definitely hasn't recreated my own personal version of the Noble Savage mythos in order to justify my hatred of fantasy gods that I also simultaneously and incoherently argue aren't even "real" gods, a claim that has meaning, and also when people pushed back on me on my post I definitely didn't resort to ad hominems about how pathetic it is a 40-something adult is interested in Critical Role despite the cast also being 40-something adults and despite my claim that this is actually a deeply intellectual and complex work which one would think would indicate that maybe it would have an appeal to adult audiences," because like, they did say some REALLY racist shit right there. Imagine the bio is gone and look at the post. It's still a bigoted western-centric fantasy that romanticizes and flattens the experience of people in colonized countries; it is just one that paints the west as the only source of evil, rather than the only source of enlightenment and freedom.

I am finishing up a post addressing some other themes that I and others who have criticized Campaign 3 have been accused of failing to engage with, and truly, while I don't expect unbiased takes (it is the nature of humans to have biases, that's actually part of the issue I take with that post, that it assumes that everyone in a disprivileged country automatically places the blame precisely where it truly belongs and isn't influenced by their own cultural biases) but I would love for like...a coherent take on C3 being good and/or leftist? Literally I'd love to hear an argument that doesn't actively contradict itself, is supported by the text, and is also not, you know, dehumanizing towards a huge portion of the world population. That's a pretty fucking low bar and I haven't seen a single person clear it.

[lostcauses-noregrets]

what’s your opinion on Erwin’s selfishness? He certainly has selfish qualities that have pushed him in the direction of pursuing a dream his father held. Where I get confused, is that there are multiple times where he puts his life on the line (plan that involved being arrested by the MPs, yelling for the scouts to advance while his arm was bitten, running directly into titans with his regiment before his arm was bitten lol)

It seems he has martyr tendencies which makes it strange for him to only be a selfish character. Both Zackley and Pixis comment on how he is not willing to die/risk his life but I always saw him doing the opposite so I wondered if you could give me clarity lol

Hello Anon, I’m not sure if I can give you clarity, but I did answer another very similar ask a few years ago, you can read it here if you’re interested: Erwin’s “selfish” motivations.   

Selfish is not the first thing that springs to mind when I think of Erwin Smith, far from it.  Erwin is no more selfish than many of the other characters, who are all driven by their own motivations, and he is arguably much less selfish than some.  Looking at you Eren Yeager.  Like many of the misconceptions about Erwin’s character, this perception stems from the fact that he is such an unreliable narrator, who sees his own actions in absolutely the worst possible light.  Erwin sees himself as selfish as he believes he is the only one who is driven by his own dream, rather than the noble goal of saving humanity.

I’ve already written reams about why this not the case at all. All the characters are driven by their own dreams; for Armin it’s see the ocean, for Mikasa it’s keep Eren safe, for Eren it’s FREEDOM, whatever that means, for Jean it’s having a normal life with wife and kids, for Levi it’s save Erwin humanity. And besides all that, Erwin’s dream of proving his father’s theories right aligns squarely with saving humanity as this is how they uncover the truth of the world. 

I also don’t think Erwin’s courage can be in any doubt.  While he doesn’t hesitate to risk his soldier’s lives, he always leads from the front.  If anything, I agree with you that he has martyr tendencies.  He doesn’t hesitate to throw himself into danger if he believes it will bring them a step closer to victory.  We see this again and again throughout the story; when he saves Eren from the Armour Titan, during the Uprising Arc, and of course, during the fatal final charge in Shiganshina. 

Zackley and Pixis role in all this is interesting too.  I’ve answered several asks before about Zackley’s role in Erwin’s downfall, so excuse me if I just repeat what I said before. 

Zackley knew exactly how to exploit Erwin’s one weakness and his insinuations were the start of a downward spiral for Erwin.  Although it’s clear that Erwin’s “guilt” had been preying on his mind for a long time, it’s from that point on that he became more fatalistic and started to see his actions and motivations in the bleakest possible light.  The tragedy is that Erwin wasn’t a fraud or a cheat, he didn’t lie to his comrades and his friends.  He wasn’t any of the things he saw himself as.  He was just a man with a dream, as human and fallible as any other, and his dream was no less valid or worthy than anyone else’s.  Erwin is the most unreliable of unreliable narrators, but his saving grace was that when the burden of his misplaced guilt and grief became to great, Levi was there, as the last bastion of Erwin’s humanity, to lift that weight from his shoulders and set him back on the right path with a clear conscience. 

I’m less sure about Pixis, he has always struck me as a very ambivalent character.  I don’t think he ever really trusted Erwin because he sees him as such a gambler.  The point Pixis is making i chapter 63, is that he will always chose to follow the plan that will save the most people, whereas he believes that Erwin will follow his own plan, regardless of the loss of life.   I don’t think Pixis is actually accusing Erwin of being a coward who only wants to save his own skin. At least that’s how I interpret this.  I’d be interested to know how this has been translated. 

Sorry, I rambled a bit there, but I hope this answers your questions!

[olderthannetfic]

I think another reason why people bemoan the relative lack of engagement compared to the Good Old Days Of Fandom - however they define them - is that you just get more attention when the show or whatever is still relatively new. Even more so if you yourself are new to the fan community, and said community centers on something niche. In my experience, if you find yourself as a new arrival in small-ship hell with 12 other people, these twelve other people WILL play "Yes, and" with even your dumbest blorbo/shitto headcanons. They'll leave kudos AND comments on all your drabbles (and you theirs). Your follower count will go up by 12. And that sets a bar in people's heads. But once a fandom gets a bit older, things settle down. Some of the old crowd will have moved on or be just casually into it, so new arrivals don't get as big a welcome as they used to. There's more fic to read at that point, so less incentive/gratefulness due to fic-hunger to leave comments on everything. People who struck up friendships in The Old Days will largely stick to each other bc they are either out of the hyperfixation or had already had the discussions that the newbies now have amongst each other five years ago. I think lack of engagement "nowadays" is really mostly a matter of timing, and not so much of lazyness or entitlement or whatecer "kids these days" get accused of.

--

A lot of it is just human memory being fallible. Another major factor is people discovering fandom in the first place through something big and active, then taking their interest in fic and such to the next pieces of media they happen to like—which may or may not be ones with fanworks fandoms.

[trianglesimpfordpines]

Ford asking Dipper to stay as his apprentice was a dumbass decision but not a malicious or abusive one at all? Insane that people see it as such (Especially because it would not have happened anyways lol. I firmly believe that, had Ford asked, regardless of issues at home his parents would have said no. And God forbid he just didn't go back home at the end of summer- but I digress)

I think it was just mostly projection tbh (and slight favoritism due to said projection)- not that he didn't like Mabel he loved her too, but he's just projecting his younger self's need to be seen as his own person onto Dipper too much and assumes it's what they need too. Well intentioned based on his own experience, but not what they needed

I think it's reasonable to say that isn't the same as isolating someone, harming them, and turning them into a paranoid mess when they don't do what you want?

Ford is a stubborn dumbass, but he is a good hearted stubborn dumbass, aka not like Bill (I will be the first to admit Ford makes bad decisions but also the first to defend him until my death)

Straight up! Like...Ford was offering Dipper the help he needed when he was twelve. He just didn't realize that that's not what Dipper needs at the same age. There's a whole episode where Stan does pretty much the exact same thing (treat Dipper a certain way because of the mistaken assumption that it would be helpful), and it goes so badly that Dipper believes Stan hates him because of it, but for some reason I don't see the fandom claiming Stan is basically just like Bill.

It will forever be wild to me how the other characters being wrong about things is attributed to human fallibility (or trauma, in Stan's case) but for Ford (and sometimes Mabel), it's always gotta be malice.

[sapphosremains]

Thoughts on Calvinism?

This is so interesting bc the majority of posts about Calvinism on here have focused on its beliefs about predestination, so I want to try and buck that. As with everything on this blog you'll get a weird mix of personal religion and academic theology, so do shout if you only wanted one or the other and I'll try again! Another disclaimer: I have no formal reading or research on Calvinism - denominational theology isn't really my area, so anything in here is personal opinion and from brief research, but no real academic reading. I'll get round to it, but it's not the top of my list right now!

Starting with the unified idea against the Real Presence, with Calvinism teaching that the Eucharist is simply a reminder of Christ's sacrifice, personally I just can't agree. I am still working out where I am on trans/consubstantiation, but I do completely believe in the idea of the Real Presence, and reject a memorialist theology. To me, it just doesn't work that the Eucharist can be a sacrament yet only a reminder and a memorial (although to be fair, Calvin's alternate view of what a sacrament is dodges this issue, but I can't agree with it so still personally doesn't work).

Now, from what I've read, Calvinism seems pretty on the side of sola scriptura, which again as an anglocatholic I am not. I think there's a reason why Revelation is addressed to the churches, and why Jesus devoted so much time to His disciples. Do I think that the Church is possibly more fallible than scripture? Yes, that's why I'm not RC, but I think the Church and community is of utmost importance, and understanding of Christianity and rule of faith is reliant on the Church. Furthermore, I think that again there's a reason why the Pope is the Pope and I'm not, and the Archbishop of Canterbury is and I'm not! Not that I would suggest that Calvinists reject this idea, just that I think there is a chain of authority and expertise in the Church for a reason, and their view ought to carry more weight than mine, despite us both reading the same scripture.

Carrying on with this Church idea, despite what I've just said, I'm not sure about the idea of God's only communication being through Christ. I'll come onto other reasons, but the first one that landed concretely with me was the idea that the preaching of ministers about God is the Word of God. Mmmm. Not sure. I think it's quite a vain idea to suggest that humans, ordained or not, let alone a massive group of them all preaching different things can all be speaking the word of God. Even just think of a minister you know who's said something slightly off, or a denomination that is far off every other, or not to generalise but if you've ever watched a mega-church service... can they all be the Word of God? Makes me feel a bit icky. The other stuff about Christ and salvation being the only two methods of God's self-revelation I feel like I don't know enough theology about to write about, but my instinct is against.

Covenant theology to me just felt like another framework, and I'm not keen on it. So far what I've read of Calvinism just seems to me like it tries to restrict a divine and infinite being into finite and defined ways of working with humans, and I'm not super keen.

Social trinitarianism? Nuh uh. I just, no. Not sure what to say, I'm just a Nicene creed girly.

Now, getting into the stuff we see more on here, starting with total depravity. This one makes me sad. There was a really good post on here which I've just been looking for (similar to this post by @hymnsofheresy) and I wish I could find it but essentially just a different view of original sin, seeing it more as meaning that we cannot be perfect, and to prevent us being perfectionists because we are in a world which cannot let us be perfect. I really like this view. The Calvinist idea of total depravity meaning that we are displeasing to God, 'defiled and polluted' in his sight, and makes us 'naturally hateful to God' is just like what? God loves us. Yes, He hates sin, and sin is irrevocably linked to the person, but I can't believe that He hates us and finds us displeasing, defiled, and polluted from the minute we are conceived.

Now, predestination. Similarly to the original sin, I just think this is such a nihilist theology. I think if I believed that there was a chance that before I had a chance to have faith, or do good works, I was condemned to hell, no matter what I did, I would struggle to have faith. Why would one want to believe in a God if you think that He could have condemned you to hell before your existence, based on no characteristic of your own?

On a more flippant note (ha), I couldn't be Calvinist because I love music, and as cool as a cappella is, it definitely couldn't be my whole liturgical life (also I'm an organist!).

Hope this was somewhat interesting, and I hope not horrifically uniformed. What are your thoughts?

[baiwu-jinji]

Hello! I’ve read your thoughts on TGCF and I really enjoy them.

I also like the cultural references and knowledge you bring to the table. It’s something that gets lost in English translation and learning about it just adds another layer to enjoy about TGCF.

Recently I saw some asks/answers compare Hualian to another couple. I haven’t read the other story 😅 but I have heard similar opinions of Hualian being very idealized, too perfect, unrealistic or all three.

I’ve been very curious about this part as I also have a vague memory of someone noting that even the author says Hualian is like a fairytale.

I was surprised about this because their softness, respect and unconditional love for each other is something I really love about them.🌸🌸🌸

Could you share more of your perspective on this?

Is it the waiting 800 years part? The unconditional acceptance and devotion on Hua Cheng’s part(and Xie Lian’s side too)? The lack of arguments between them?

For my part , obviously 800 years is a fantastical amount of time to remain in love and devoted to someone. Especially considering how little time Hua Cheng spent with Xie Lian in the beginning. I am totally willing to suspend my belief for these two points and chalk it up to Hua Cheng’s personality. I also think Hua Cheng’s love for Xie Lian grew and matured as he did.

It’s really interesting too that those very positive traits - unconditional devotion, faith and love (not obedience because honestly Hua cheng quiet frequently disobeys😅) while more obviously written in a positive light can be explored in fanfiction from the other end. And I don’t mean obsession or stalking, but more like loving someone to the point of your own detriment.

And Hualian, though certainly they didn’t really argue in the book, they did have disagreements. (And I think in the revised novel, of at least the translated part I read, they do get a more serious argument)

To me, their easy acceptance and the unconditional love aspect can be chalked up to their personality, life experiences and the fact they both have lived centuries long.

Anyhow, I know I rambled on a bit. 😅😅😅

But I am really curious on your feedback about this or a link if you answered this more in detail with a similar ask.

Thank you! 😊

Hi! :) Thank you for your kind words and sorry about the really late reply ><  MXTX once wrote about a dream she had where a voice told her that TGCF is like a “a little red clay stove” (I translated MXTX’s dream here). The literary reference of “a little red clay stove” symbolises the warmth and comfort of domestic life and the joy of friendship and companionship, which I think is what MXTX wants Hualian’s relationship to stand for - Hualian is meant to be warm, tender, homely and cosy, with as little friction as possible in the relationship. It is a very idealised relationship (how can it not be with HC’s unfading love for and faith in XL and XL’s instinctual and almost instant trust in HC), and that’s why people love Hualian, because we long to be loved with such unconditional acceptance and unwavering devotion ourselves, and we want to find someone we could love with unconditional acceptance and unwavering devotion, whether such love is possible in real life or not. Hualian’s success and popularity is clearly not due to it being a gritty and brutally honest interrogation of the complexities of romantic relationships in realistic contexts, but because it is the sort of ideal relationship of pure bliss people dream of having. Therefore I can’t say Hualian’s idealisation of romantic relationships is one of its literary flaws because it’s never aiming to be otherwise, and its idealistic nature is one of its main selling points.

This is a digression but what I find interesting about Hualian is this sort of paradox in HC being both a lover and a worshipper - to worship a god is to worship his divine infallibility, but to love a human is to love his human fallibility (but then Borges said that “to fall in love is to create a religion that has a fallible god”, so that resolves the paradox?). And it makes me think about what HC means when he says to XL “I’m forever your most devoted believer.” What is it that HC eternally believes in as XL's believer? It’s not XL’s infallibility, or perfection, or omnipotence, or incorruptibility, or inexhuastable goodness that HC believes in, because XL is neither of those things, so what is it that HC believes in? Maybe what HC forever believes in is the fact that he will love XL forever - maybe that’s what HC is a believer of…

I hope this answer makes sense, and in short I meant to say that I can’t deny Hualian is idealised, but that’s what makes them appealing.