i wish i could put into words the way i feel right now. i feel like i'm doing everything i can to do the right thing. the right thing for ME. but with every decision i make, i feel extreme guilt and second guess myself like crazy. like i dont KNOW what im doing idk if any of the decisions i am making are actually good for me. i am constantly in this state of isolation and loneliness, but when there's a chance for a potential romantic relationship i back away and ignore the possibilities of what could come from it. i don't want to be in love but i crave intimacy. i don't want to hook up and leave, but i want someone to hold me.
12 notes
·
View notes
"You felt freer to hold her hand in Paris, I wonder why that is" is something that I think about very often and dare I say, to me, it's the biggest proof that DM did happen in the past (The way Louis said it, the fact that it needed to be said at all, Daniel seeing Armand, Armand's reaction, Paris being more queer-friendly on the show... Which could mean nothing)
70 notes
·
View notes
brain will not let me sleep until I say
same age padawans au where they’ve been in a weird wired frenemies thing for ages but now that they’re both mature adults (all of 24/25 years old) they’re more friends than enemies….
And it’s Obi-Wan that Anakin tells when he’s decided he’s going to leave the Order, not anyone else. He has a wife. There was a pregnancy scare a few weeks ago and it made her want their relationship to stop being a secret so they could really have kids. He has to leave the Order. Doesn’t Obi-Wan understand?
Obi-Wan, who has been a little in love with Anakin since they were younglings, does not understand. Not one bit. Instead of wishing him well and helping him pack, he goes to the Council and requests a mission in the Outer Rim….perhaps a month long or more…perhaps undercover? No contact with anyone on Coruscant. And maybe they could assign Anakin Skywalker as his back up? He can help with the undercover aspect.
And at first, Anakin is pissed because he was planning to resign from the Order in the next few days, but Obi-Wan convinces him to go on this mission with him….one last mission as a Jedi. To say goodbye to the Jedi life.
Obviously, Obi-Wan sort of wants to go on one last mission with Anakin because in his dreams, he wants the mission to go so perfectly that Anakin stays with him the Order. But realistically, he mostly wants to go on this mission to say goodbye to Anakin and then let him go, soaking up all his warmth and light, memorizing every casual touch bestowed on him because he knows they’re ticking down to the last handful of seconds together.
But then obviously the mission works TOO well and Anakin falls in love with Obi-Wan but doesn’t admit to it even to himself before they’re on the ship about to head back to Coruscant and Anakin realizes he doesn’t want to leave this planet because he doesn’t want to leave Obi-Wan if it could always be like this so he crashes the ship during take off so they can stay longer because he’s 24 and doesn’t know how to handle the immensity of his love except through destruction
430 notes
·
View notes
Part 85 - College AU
Read the first 6 chapters here
Don't want to wait for the regular Tumblr uploads? You can buy this entire final chapter here for $5! Thanks for the support!
Previous - TBC
@deardiary17 @mizzingyou @i-belong-in-a-retirement-home @kittenwhodidntwanttogiveup @septic-dr-schneep @queenlovett @theoncomingdoo-dah @thethickofitt @jicklet @ginshoujo @samsrosary @confusedwhovian23 @icouldntthinkofanythingclever @the-wolf-among-the-roses If anyone else wants to be tagged let me know
35 notes
·
View notes
berliner remus thoughts 🤲🤲🤲🤲
yes yes that man is sitting by an open window in freezing weather eating a single hard boiled egg and flavorless pasta salad, and he can unwittingly come across as quite unsentimental or rude or blunt, and his jokes are awful and overly literal (“a werewolf? he’s sitting in my chair!!11!1”) so remus is a damp paper towel, i agree. but these same things also make him a really stereotypical berliner schnauze
in terms of modern au it's just a funny detail that makes a lot of sense (remus is in a knit turtleneck but still stomping his way through Friedrichshain in crustie doc martens), but its more interesting to me in my personal view of canon?? like this is the 70s. it's before the fall of the iron curtain, remus is growing up in a postwar city halved by the Wall, isolated from the world by the cold war, and filled with spies and punk music and poverty
in my headcanon, remus was separated from his (bavarian) family by the wall and grows up alone as a muggle in kreuzberg, west berlin. i like the idea of remus as a penniless lycanthropic preteen at the very height of Deutschpunk, cynical but still young, going to all the shows covered in scars just looking for a place to sleep. he grows up collecting gutter cigarettes and not eating enough and sharing a filthy flat with a rotating cast of sometimes-benevolent older teens with drug problems. he sees things pragmatically and he sleeps too much and spends his full moons in the abandoned train tunnels under Potsdamer Platz and he shaves his head to fit in and he loiters, eating peanuts off the bar at all the music clubs down Oranienstraße, thinking his life is dull and lonely and monotonous and grey and wishing it could maybe be something more. and then, of course, he gets his Hogwarts letter
54 notes
·
View notes
Are guys like trying to be nice by letting me a place to meet, like they’ll say it like theyll do whatever I’d be comfortable w. Or is it lazy to have them avoid picking.
Its frustrating bc like I don’t know many places so idk many places I know I’d feel comfortable. And it’s also soo much more attractive when the man leads making plans too.
I’ve been growing to really dislike this part of making plans.
18 notes
·
View notes