#like i literally CANT wrap my head around it
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will never understand people who bought a guitar and dont play it. what do you mean you cant get yourself to practice. i have to play music or my brain starts to ooze out of my ears
#like i literally CANT wrap my head around it#sitting on my bed at night and playing phoebe bridgers songs while palm muting the strings is the only thing keeping me sane sometimes#is there anything more beautifully human the action of creating art ? im sorry like come on#txt#music
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ive been unhealthily fixated on kubosai for the past few weeks, i just have no idea how to put it into words. kuboyasu aren and saiki kusuo are in love btw
#they are.#been thinking a lot about t*rusai and k*bosai and all three of them together#(really long rant in these tags that shouldve been a rant post but im not changing it soz i got carried away LMAO->)#see the thing is that k*bosai is my absolute favorite ship ever. but i get genuinely pissed when people smack talk t*rusai#idk like i get why people wouldnt ship kbs and i really dont care. and i also get that a lot of people have differing opinions and-#wont ship trsai. i honestly cant wrap my head around why (other than people who just hate teruhashi and are misogynistic) but im okay with-#agreeing to disagree and i dont care yk??#but people so often make these long discussion posts just yapping and yapping and making up shit about how trsa 'wouldnt work'#and its always just... actual complete bullshit. like unreadable word vomit.#sorry. but its true.#thats why it gets me so mad#i cant think of a single reason why you would feel the need to do that#why cant you be normal and just. not like a ship. just dont like it. hate it even. but dont make up shit just to shit on it#its so dumb i have to force myself to just scroll past them every time i encounter one#usually on tiktok or tumblr#if i read them i wont be able to stop myself from making the most concerned and upset noises ever cuz what is actually wrong with you#theyre always the biggest dumbest stretches ever and they ignore their actual development and pretend it didnt happen#it just makes me wonder why people are so okay with making fun of that ship but get mad if anyone even dislikes theirs#and then they complain about people 'shitting on their opinion'#LIKE ?? NOBODY CARES THAT U HATE THE SHIP. I CERTAINLY DONT GAF.#but ur in the main tags advertising ur hatred for it and sounding stupid as shit for no reason? UR SHITTING ON PEOPLES SHIP ON PURPOSE#AND THEN GETTING MAD AT ANYONE WHO EVEN SAYS 'i disagree actually' IM LAUGHING SO HARD STOP IM KILLING MYSELF#the one time i ever talked in that much detail about why i disliked a ship was bevause somebody specifically asked me#and yk what ?? i have literally gotten death threats over it. im not allowed to hate that ship but everyone else can do whatever i guess#okay sorry. rant over.#is that controversial i cant tell. i dont really care and im not tagging anyway#meows post
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for people who have anxiety but live alone anyway: how do u deal with the panic? I live with 2 other people and still have bubble burst moments of random fear that only gets soothed by putting myself in someone else's eyeline. what do you do when the catastrophising starts???
#my body has a lot of random weird pain frkm 26 years of bad things and every time im like#i should have written a will its really happening this time im about to drop dead#so i skitter around the house to stand close enough to someone else that theyd hear me if i fall over LMAO#insane behavior i know. i have a mountain of medical anxiety bc of my grandparents#but like i cant even wrap my head around what id do if i felt that way and was alone 24/7 at home#panic forever???#who makes you eat and shower bc its sure not MY executive function keeping me alive on the bad days LOL#id wither away if i lived alone i think#kinda sad my life went a way where thats never going to happen tho. to the end of wanting to know who id be#how would i dress and act and decorate?? eat?? what kind of dishes would i get. throw blankets too#what would i learn abt myself etc its an iteration of me that will likely never happen bc im happily married#hmmm#ur always going to wonder about the lifestyles you didnt have. thats normal#but it does make me wonder what i would have been like if i had friends and my own space#oh to be a fag making out with his friends in the privacy of his own home#or maybe thats just how i feel bc were literally married and have never been able to afford to live alone Together lol
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you'd think losing people would stop hurting as much after you've gone through it a bunch of times but I guess if humans can learn to love over and over with the same or even greater intensities it makes sense that the following pain of losing said people you give that love to is proportional each time too
#are you ever surprised at how much things affect you#because i genuinely cant wrap my head around why this hit me so hard. it doesnt make logical sense. ive been through so much worse#i should not gaf at this point. or at least only feel mildly sad for a brief while. not full on lose my fucking mind and literally not be#able to function for days on end#like i know life isnt over the world is still spinning i have a lot of love in my life#but it still hurts almost as badly as the first time i had my heart broken#i know that's a net good thing. i know that means im still human and havent completely numbed myself to the world#and my heart is bigger than it used to be#and its a good thing that i could love with enough intensity to feel the same amount of pain even in the aftermath#heck there are people i love so much more. so this is GOOD#but it doesnt make it any less painful in the present ijbol#anyway.#liveblogging.pdf
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Christopher Nolan making movies: I'm gonna make a film that is so confusing and non-linear
#just watched memento :DDDDD#which i think would be his first bigger movie?#but it was so interesting bcs there were a lot of concepts in it that are so visible in his later films#like watching that after watching almost all of his most recent films was such an 'aha!' moment#lthe whole black&white vs in-color to delineate which part of the story we're in#in memento: black and white is the beginning of the story and then in-color is the rest of the story going backwards#and then he uses that concept again in oppenheimer but b&w is the current events and color is everything leading up to that and after#like yeah its really confusing first time around because you dont know that fully yet but then at the end its like OH!!!!!#and then both also have other stuff interspersed btwn those two sections that you only reallly understand by the end#and then with the plot going backwards. that was the same as tenet right?#like starting with the end of the story and them ending with the beginning of the story#i cant remember inception well enough atm but im sure it has traits of memento as well#his movies are like puzzles ig! like you really have to keep track of all the details and what takes place when#i think theyre really fun bcs more and more becomes clear to you#im not sure what the most confusing nolan movie is hmmmm probably tenet or inception right?#oppenheimer: much more clear in general since its following literal historical events but just in a non linear manner#the only real reason i found it a bit confusing is bcs i didnt know a lot of the characters and also was trying to figure out the timeline#and then interstellar is more just confusing in concept bcs it has to do with time in the 4th dimension and all that#but i think the story is pretty understandable its just hard to wrap your head around the different time/dimension concepts#then again....ive watched it probably more than 4 times by now! ITS ONE OF MY FAV MOVIES EVER#cant say much abt the batman movies bcs they have nolan concepts but arent really like his other stuff#haha someones said he did those movies so he could make absolute bank and then have a blank check to do whatever movies he wants#and someone also said that oppenheimer felt like memento and thats so so so true!!!#its cool that he can make the movies he wants. bcs as i said watching memento really outlines very well what concepts he likes#watching it was weird bcs im like oh yeah this is *so* christopher nolan and then realize this is literally only his second film#i need to rewatch inception and dunkirk and see if i can spot inspo from Memento in them#anyways: yay film!!! yay cinema!!!!!! movies are so fun!!!!!!#catie.rambling.txt
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It's weird having someone like you romantically and not knowing how to react to it. Like yes, I'm flustered but why???? How hard did you get dropped as a child for you to look at me and go, "Yes! I want the autistic man with ADHD who is childish and overly playful"???? I would understand if someone fell for me while I'm masking but when someone likes me after they have seen me fully unmask and be my authentic self. That's when I gotta ask why because not even I would date me. I'm sorry but I'm annoying as fuck 💀🤚
#Yes. I still cant wrap my head around my best friend liking me#I genuinely dont get why people can like me romantically???#Im literally a person with golden retriver and orange cat personally
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Ngl bad parents give me such an ick like stay tf away from me ew
#this cousin of mine has twins#twin boys#and while i sort of understand why she is the way she is with them#i realy cant wrap my head completely around it#because well#its such blind idiot stupid fucking BAD behaviour especially for a mother was especially towards her children#especially when theyre twins and youre so blatantly partial the favoured one KNOWS hes favoured#like. she has absolutely ruined her second boy and absolutely cannot handle him and yet slaps him every chance she gets#doesnt listen to him refuses to indulge him even the least bit shows zero affection and ive been here three days and man can i see#that child is fucking parched for affection specifically from him mother because he is neglected#he knows he is neglected#he is scared shitless of her and acts out of his way to get any attention he can because that is the only time his mother will hold him#be it with sharp fingers and a hold that digs into his skin#theyre literally just 5 years old#the neglected child i a fucking dream come true. is already smart as FUCK#does anything you tell him to do RIGHT THAT SECOND#the only flaw is that he doesnt listen when anyone tells him not to do something which isnt even a flaw for fucks sake#thats a fucking child hes gonna ASK#and you shout at him and dont amswer him and when he keeps asking you hit him#my heart fucking cries man#the other one knows his mother favours him and despises his brother and that evil fucker (i know its not his fault) lies#and gets his brother hit and then fucking TEASES HIM ABOUT IT THREATENS HIM LATER ON LIKE I AM SO DISGUSTED#HOW MUCH OF AN AWFUL PARENT DO YOU HAVE TO BE FOR YOUR KIDS TO BE AWARE OF HOW TO MANIPULATE YOU AT THE AGE OF FUCKING FIVE#F I V E (5).#they. are. FIVE.#i seriously want to keep him to myself because she will ruin him#and whats more disgusting is when shes getting him to do stuff shes all like “baby do this” and the moment hes back and standing close she#pushes him away? looks at him disgusted? says “why do you bother me so much”??????#that is child is the most fucking neglected child ive ever seen and seriously man why does this happen and why do I HAVE TO WITNESS IT#the favoured one is pure evil and NO ONE SAYS ANYTHING TO HIM HES DUMB ASF CANT EVEN WRITE ONE WORD WITHOUT DYING DOES NOTHING DOESNT LISTEN
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me: oh boy I'm gonna look through the werewolfkin tag and click recent.
literally 5 seconds later: why is there a transphobe
#yes im vagueblogging#YOU'RE A KINNIE WHY WOULD YOU BE TRANSPHOBIC THE MATH AINT MATHIN#I literally cant wrap my head around transphobes in the kin community like bro....
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#the worst part about all this is that i Literally saw her 2 weeks ago. we didnt have time to talk we just said hi and went our separate ways#i never even got to say goodbye to her.#and i didnt even know i needed to because this was all so fucking sudden. she was my age. healthy. etc#life is really fucking fragile huh. like it can be gone just like that.#im sorry im just.#i was super close with her mom too and i want to idk. text her or something. but what the fuck can i even say??#and my other friends in that friend group are all unavailable rn for one reason or another#like. no contact in another country kind of unavailable#so im just. do they even know. has anyone told them. or will they find out when they come back.#i still cant even wrap my head around it tbh. its just. she was alive this morning. she was alive. this morning.#hh. anyway.#i called my sister and cried to her a little bit which was nice. but fuck i really really wish i could hug her right now#or cuddle my dog. literally anything.#im going to be such a fucking mess tomorrow oh my god#i dont even want to go to sleep tonight because if i see her in my dreams im going to fucking lose it#i dont know. i dont fucking know.#winter speaks#personal#tw death#grief tag#<- i fucking guess. i might be venting more in the next few weeks so ill at least make it easy to blacklist
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ok if there are any artists out there who do comms can u like help me understand why there are no refunds for upfront payments even if you have not started the work at all ????
#like i am. very much struggling to understand why if someone has paid u and then#before u have even started the work#if they cancel#u cannot return the money to them ???????#i do not understand and i do not think i will ever understand. not that its happened to me but im very curious why tf thats a common rule#what is the purpose of keeping money for something u have not even done and is perfectly cancel-able#like its one thing when u have already started and are mid project ofc. then i def understand that u have spent time and effort and u shoul#be compensated for that. but if ur rules are 'no refunds whatsoever after payment' like im struggling to understand why if someone pays you#and a day later. like before u have even started the comm. why cant they cancel and have their money back if they decide to ??#perhaps if u do slots and they took up a slot so now u have to go thru the trouble of reopening that one slot and getting another customer#i would understand like a fee for cancellation and then returning the money after keeping a fraction#but#just no refunds whatsoever after payment ??? for a comm that hasnt even been started ??????#idk maybe im just not understanding something from the artists perspective or something here and if so someone help me understand#but i literally cannot wrap my head around it and until someone can offer me a valid reason why this rule is set in place i rly honestly#think its a bit insensitive to other peoples money and possible situations that may arise that might make them cancel a comm due to like#an emergency
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so much for going to see the used
we bought the tickets the other day and ticked the accessibility seating option and were told ticketek would call us in a few days to confirm seating. great, no problem. got the call today and we explain, “she needs wheelchair accessible seats and two people with her,” “no problem, our seating is just behind general admission.” and my mum says, “wait… general admission? so the standing area?” “yep, that’s right.” “so… she won’t be able to see?” and the chick goes, “… huh, i guess so.”
you guess so? that’s the best you got? you didn’t see the flaw in putting the only wheelchair accessible area, the people who have to sit down behind the people who have to stand up? she even had the fucking gall to go, “well you can’t really expect people to sit down.” they can’t sit down, it’s standing only you fucking idiot
#ive been so anxious about it and i just finally wrapped my head around going and started to get excited#just for this to happen#for it to not even occur to her that i wouldnt be able to see how fucking thick are you#like i know the seating isnt her fault but nothing clicked in her head that putting the sitting people behind the standing people wont work?#she didnt even try to think of other areas or other options she really just went huh i guess you wont be able to see#my parents went to see offspring there in december and they sat up and saw people in wheelchairs in their area#and when she said that she just said oh theyve changed the seating for this#just#are you fucking kidding me#and its not even a seperate area its literally directly behind standing ga#so its not like you could get the distance to be able to see#so not only would i not be able to see it would also be boiling hot which would send me into a seizure#not to mention people bumping into me and the strobe effect of people blocking the lights#i cant break down my wheelchair and i cant go up fucking stairs so its not like i can just pick different seating#who the fuck puts the accessibility seating behind general fucking admission what is wrong with you#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#pots#disability#ableism
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whoever made the decision to change basil's death from him sitting at the table and slumping over to dorian falling upon him and them laying on the floor tangled together like a cruel parody of a lover's embrace. i want to say thank you thank you thank you
#THIS VERSION OF THE SCENE IS SOOOOOOOOO FUCKING GOOD IM LOSING MY MIND#basil wrapping an arm around his head AFTER HES BEEN STABBED BY HIM. god its like even as being murdered his love cant quite be killed#the way they lay on the floor together it literally looks like they're like making out. this shit is insane im gonna be insane about this#forever. also the music is rlly good here. there hasnt been much music throughout so its presence here is rlly striking#girls when love corrupts girls when love and murder are tied up into the same twisted affair girls when a murder is like a kiss#serena.txt#the picture of dorian GAY#uhh lmk if i need to tag this as anything
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so my main thing w the azrael new gods tech stuff is like OK but he was up there on new genesis for like 9 months and like he goes haaha yeah i was in space at the beginning of the story but they dont mention that at all at any point during this big new gods tech reveal........
#justixw league comix#i literally cant wrap my head around what orion and azrael should be like bc of how bad their actual interactions were written
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team rocket went from being a nice simple way of extending episodes to a 22 minute runtime to characters that just unnecessarily bloat and derail the episode as of xy tbh
#sm jn era where they show more restraint w them please. please. please. youre nothing#ik i keep complaining abt them but they are literally insufferable in this arc theyre not even funny villains anymore#bc now theyre apparently respected and need to be more serious for that to make sense#it’s literally the issue i had with them in bw (them not being funny) combined w them being crammed into every episode#and again w xy its even more offensive bc its no longer a requirement to have em in each episode#and they dont. but now theres like 3 villains in xyz to juggle#and they STILL have to be crammed into the conflict bc…. its team rocket and people love them#which like i get i love them too but its at the point i literally groan when i hear their theme now#go away!!! just let there be a natural conflict between the characters!!#let team flare just be villains on their own!! let one off threats like the ninja gang just take over for a bit!!#like i actually cant wrap my head around why theyre here at ALL besides ‘’uhhhhhh we like them so they have to be there’’#echoed voice#pokeani lb
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Death mention or w/e
#So my brothers friends dad had a stroke and like w/i a day he passed away and likeeeee we were vid calling like me my brother and mom#And she was like something something you guys should also be ready (abt my dad) and like#Shes literally not wrong like obv my brother got scared for our dad too bc he has diabetes high cholesterol smokes a LOT drinks too etc so#So like he couldn't wrap his head around ~being ready~#But that's exactly what I've been doing for this last year#Every day in the wards i used to see stroke patients ppl w heart probs copd patients and literally my first thought used to be abt my dad#And for the past year I've been mentally separating myself from... him? Like obv i cant but I've forced myself to stop caring abt his healt#Bc he never listens to me or anyone his health has completely gone to shit and its easy for others bc they hear abt someone else and get#Worried for couple of days then forget about it but i can't lol bc I literally see it everyday everytime#So what im trying to say is that#Fuck this shit lol#~
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#have been an anxious lil piece of shit since my mother walked past/then in my room bc she smelled something-#this was yesterday btw .. first thing she said was 'u dont vape do u?' and i was like 'no' *queue john mulaney voice: like a liar*#ok well technically only on occasion like if i dont have w**d#anyway she steps into my room and starts fuckin sniffing around and goes 'it smells like .. weed 😐' and just looked at me and guys ..#i am the WORST but my mothers brother aka my gay uncle got kicked out when they were younger bc he smoked too and my mother has grown to#not be fond of it since . so BASICALLY i lightly gaslit her and was like 'mom. seriously ? 🙄'#bc we joke about it on occasion like she went to denver and came back with a fuckin pot that says 'a little pot from colorado' meant for#weed and in my head im like 😭 bro i could actually use this 😭#so thats how we joke but obviously for me its genuinely funny bc of the irony but anyway .#my anxiety was so high after that bc i literally had my pen on me and i just left the situation and started petting my dog and filled up my#waterbottle trying to think of what the fuck i was going to do next but that was literally the end of that#(at least for now but i dont even want to jinx it)#to be proactive tho bc newsflash i do smoke! i got smart as shit and wrapped my smell proof combo bag to make it look like a gift for my#my friends when i go back to school so she wont think anything of it#and then put my pen old battery and vape in a box hidden away so i can still access them if i need but god DAMN#i was def just being stupid tho bc i forget when im at home i cant be so lax and rip the shit out of my pen with my door closed and no fan#anymore like 😐 u dumb fuck i was smarter at 16 with this shit#anyway. its definitely on me and im just mad at myself for it and hope it doesnt come up again/that she isnt overly paranoid with me like i#am with myself rn#also just for some more background my mom and i have never been super close but im really close with my dad but i love with my mom ? so#after this semester not just bc of this situation but i might be like. ive never had a room at dads and id like to at least for summer#and go from there. they just moved and its so cozy and id love to make my room mine over there for once even if it means moving in for abit#but the one thing that would absolutely break my heart is that my dog lives with my mom and its not like i couldnt still see her but i feel#like id feel guilty/like im abandoning her or something :'(#idk if anyone read this far pls lmk ur thoughts#oh and i work right by my moms so its not like i couldnt still visit her but it would break my heart#kylas thoughts#drugs /
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