#like i keep having to take deep breaths to calm myself bc

[thugbiscuits]

we have a semi busy night tonight at work and i’m dreaaaading the rush

[strniohoeee]

reader breaks up with her bf bc she finds him cheating on her so she goes to the triplets house crying and chris comforts her

What Did I Do?

Pairing: Chris Sturniolo X Female Reader (friendship)

Synopsis: Receiving a DM that your boyfriend of two years has been cheating on you practically the whole relationship is something nobody ever wants. But sadly it was Y/N’s reality 🥀

Warnings⚠️: None, I lowkey went off script? Mannn idkkkkk. I wish time travel was real…(side note LMFAO)🤭

Song for imagine: Black Cab- Lola Young

Did I say something to make you fall

Out of love?

Makes me want to throw up

And I did

Isn't it funny how life can change in an instant? You could have everything you’ve ever wanted swiped from right under you. I prayed many nights that that wouldn’t be my fate. Begging the universe? God? Anyone really to finally let me have peace in my life.

So as I sat here with my stomach in a pit of anger and hurt, I sat cursing the Gods. What did I ever do to deserve an outcome like this? Love is truly a losing game. My blinking back tears as the messages just kept coming. One ping after another. Never thought I would get a ‘hey girly’ text, but hey there's a first for everything.

Betrayal, hurt and sadness lingered in my chest as my breathing began to shallow out. Videos, pictures and text messages of my boyfriend (soon to be ex) had in fact been cheating on me for the past year and a half of our two year relationship. Watching the videos and reading the messages made me physically sick. My tears fell instantly, but soon the disgust settled in. And shortly after was the extreme anger.

My leg bounced anxiously as I bit my nails, waiting for Lee to get home. Rarely ever did he see me truly angry, but lord did I want to key his car and spit in his face…. Hey maybe even smash his phone and then his car windows.

Too deep into my thoughts as my nails tapped the dining room table I hadn’t noticed Lee got home. Dropping his keys into the bowl left by the front door. I blinked back to reality and my leg began bouncing again as my nostrils flared.

“Hey baby” Lee smiled as he caressed my head and kissed my forehead before heading behind me to the fridge.

My silence clearly bothered him as I heard a small scoff. Seems ironic for him to be annoyed…. Not like hes been fucking another girl behind my back for most of our relationship.

“No hello? What's your issue?” He asks as he cracks his drink open, I was immediately annoyed

And now it was my turn to sigh

“A year and a half? Really Lee?” I asked slowly standing up

“What are you talking about?” He asks laughing

“PLEASE! Please don’t act fucking stupid” I replied shutting my eyes to calm myself down

“I really don’t know what's going on. Did I forget our anniversary?” He states again laughing once more

“Let me jog your memory sweetheart” I state opening my phone and offering him a smile

“Hey Y/N, I know you don’t know me, but I wanted to let you know Lee and I have been dating for a year and a half. I found out the other day you guys have been together for two years” I read to him

“ I mean poor girl you played us both you sick bastard” I replied looking up at his smug face

“Y/N… baby you have actually lost your mind. I can’t believe you’d believe some random jealous girl on the internet” He states shaking his head and chuckling

“You will not gaslight me baby” I said mocking his attitude

“Because I have plenty of proof, would you like to see it” I asked him opening my phone again

“Please enlighten me’’ he states crossing his arms over his chest

Oh man was this information going to have his head spinning faster than he can respond to me.

“Oh look what we have here, your phone number in her phone, oh and look at this “I miss you baby” “Can’t wait to take you to Vegas for our one year” “You looked so hot last night at dinner” “When can I see you?” “ I stated as I began to sniffle and tears began to fall from my eyes.

“And there’s more, let's keep reading some more shall we. You left me stranded alone with my sick aunt because you went to stay with her. You’re a fucking dog man! When I needed you the most because my aunt was dying you were in Tulum with this girl. I can not believe you.” I stated scrolling through the DM

“ I think you need some time alone” he stated looking at me wide eyed

“ That’s all you have to say?” I asked him

“This information is easily false” He replied

“Are you fucking kidding me? You know what isn’t false? These fucking pictures” I replied storming over to him

Showing him the pictures of him and that girl naked in bed.

“That's fake Lee? Huh? That’s fucking fake?” I asked him as I jabbed him in his chest with the corner of my phone

“Yeah you can fake messages, but you can not fake those photos. I know what your naked body looks like and so does that girl for a year and a half” I state backing away from him

I sat there basically begging for a why and all he could do was stare at me like I was crazy. I have never seen this side of him and it was making me physically sick

“Why aren’t you talking? WHY AREN’T YOU TALKING? WHY AREN’T YOU REACTING” I screamed at him

His lack of emotions sent me over the edge in to a fit of rage.

“You are a sick fucking man. How could you be with both of us? You can’t have your cake and eat it too” I stated glaring at him

“Looks like I did” He replied smuggly

My face dropped and all I could do was stare at him with no emotions. My heart was shattering even more than it already had. My eye twitched in anger. His face became very punchable.

“Get the fuck out” I replied as I stared at him blankly

Rolling his eyes he grabbed his stuff and headed to the door. Running up behind him I snatched his keys and slid the key to MY house off.

Throwing the keys back at him, they hit the floor and as he picked them up from the floor he looked up at me.

“All your shit will be outside by tomorrow, pick it up and stay the fuck out of my life” I state blankly as I held the door open for him

Before he could fully get out the door I slammed it against him. Hitting him hard as he stumbled down the first step. A grunt of pain left a smile on my face.

Shortly after I got in my car, allowing the silence to overtake me. Tears falling down my face as I screamed. The silence rattled as I banged my fist against the steering wheel. I was so angry and hurt. Yet I found myself driving to the one place I knew I’d find comfort.

Putting my car in park, I made my way to their front door. Ringing the doorbell I sat on their front step. Mascara ran down my face as I trembled from the cold. The tears never ending leaving a blurry view of the front door.

Thirty seconds later the front door opened.

“Hey Y- Woah! What happened, are you okay?” Chris asks me as he yanks me inside, locking the door behind us

“He cheated” I replied crying and falling to my knees at the end of their stairs

“What?” He asked getting nervous

“Chris he’s been cheating for a year and a half, Lee threw our two year relationship down the drain. I can’t believe this” I replied hyperventilating

Stooping down to my level Chris began to rub my back. Cooing me as he listened to my sobs

“Take your time, you don’t have to talk about it” He replied as he helped me up to walk up the stairs

“I saw the messages and the videos and the pictures. I feel so gross he was two timing me basically our whole relationship. I’m so dirty I can’t believe this” I choked out as we made it down to his room.

“No do not say that! You are not dirty or gross. Lee is the scum of this earth for cheating on you” He says as he held me in his arms

“Anybody who cheats on their significant other is a piece of shit, but especially if they cheat on someone like you. Y/N you are an amazing person and you deserve way better than Lee” He states as he rubs my back

“No I don’t” I replied muffled by the fabric of his hoodie

“Yes you fucking do. Do not let that piece of shit define your love life from now on. You will find a better man who will respect you and love you for you. A man who won’t cheat on someone like a dumb ass coward” he stated as he pulled me away

“I just can’t believe he would do such a thing” I replied looking up at Chris and wiping my nose

“His name is Lee and he has to take liquid medicine because he’s too pussy to swallow a pill. You my friend will be just fine” Chris replied laughing, his statement made me laugh because it was indeed true. And that made me realize how pathetic Lee truly is.

“There’s that radiant smile of yours” He says winking at me

“So keep your head up because he is not worth a drop of your tears or a waste of your breath” He says to me as he hugs me once more

“Thank you Chris for always being there for me” I replied offering him a warm smile

“Always Y/N, you are my bestfriend and seeing you hurt kills me” He replied wiping my tears from my eye.

“Now how are you planning to get him back?” Chris asks smirking evilly

“Noo I won’t do that” I replied shaking my head

“Oh come on! The queen of getting people back since we were kids?” He replied cocking an eyebrow at me

Glancing up at him I smirked at him, Racking my brain for an idea

“On second thought there is one thing we can do” I replied getting Chris in on the revenge scheme

The next morning before Lee came back to pick his stuff up from my house. Chris and I threw his belongings on the side of the street. Pouring syrup and glitter all over everything. Laughing as we did it because we knew everything was virtually ruined.

Tossing his expensive items from the second floor balcony. Saying “whoops” every time we chucked something over the railing.

Keeping everything I purchased him, so I could resell everything. Let’s just say Lee wasn’t very happy about his destroyed items and especially when he found out I was keeping the items I purchased him.

Chris made me feel better and ultimately forget all about Lee and his cheating bitch ass.

What would I do without an amazing friend like Chris……

The End

Thank you all sooo much for the support and sticking by me🥺🖤🖤. I really love yall 😭💕💕💕

-J💅🏽

[wrestletotheground]

settle down - ross macdonald x reader

summary: you and ross are staying in your old house with your family for the weekend, but you find it hard to keep quiet when everyone's asleep...

wc: 1.9k

cw: 18+ minors dni!!! f!reader, angst, fluff, smut, dom!ross, 'good girl', fingering, gagging, slight degradation, choking kink, d word bc i can't help myself, spit, general filth tbh x

'i can't believe i'm actually about to sleep in the bed you grew up in,' ross says, shaking his head in disbelief as he pulls off his tshirt, climbing into bed beside you. 'I can't believe you've spent the day with my insane parents and are willing to stay here for two whole nights', you reply with a giggle.

your parents had been tormenting you to have him over for dinner ever since you moved in together a month ago, claiming you were both in need of a decent meal and a break from dirty dishes.

you'd finally agreed to go back and stay for the weekend. obviously ross got on well with your family as they'd met countless times before, but having him stay over, sleeping in your childhood room, feels daunting. as if it's the final layer he has to go through to know every part of you inside and out.

your parents are well asleep by now, having gone upstairs just before you and ross. with the emptiness in the living room, you'd straddled his lap, grinding into him softly as you littered kisses down his neck.

his heavy breathing was an indicator of how worked up he was getting, although it was less sexual and more passionate, a simple display of your love for each other. shortly after, you'd both gone up to get ready for bed, lovesick and giggly.

~

darkness floods the room with a click as you turn off the old pink lamp beside your bed.

'goodnight baby,' you say to ross as he presses a loving kiss to your temple. 'night sweetheart,' he murmurs, letting his hand fall down to your stomach as he settles his head into the pillow beside you. the warmth of his body is comforting and strong beside you, but your thoughts are elsewhere.

a wave of intense emotion starts to take over as you lie awake staring at the ceiling, your mind racing. the nostalgia of being in the room you grew up in is making your head flood with memories of long sleepless nights spent in this exact place. many a night were filled with tears and hopelessness, going through things no young girl should ever even have to think about. you're doing so much better now, having created a new life and a new home for yourself with your perfect fiancé. your eyes brim with fresh tears as you lie mourning the lost teenager that once sat here. you wish you could give her a hug and tell her that it truly does get better.

you take a deep breath to calm yourself, before shakily placing your hand over ross's, needing him close to you. the feeling of him beside you relaxes you, it always does. you can't help the flutter of arousal that runs through you at the pressure of his hand weighing down on your lower abdomen.

his eyes open suddenly, flicking up towards you. you didn't even think he was still awake with how sleepy he'd been only moments beforehand. you snap your eyes shut, as if that would trick him.

'baby, are you okay? what's wrong?' he asks sleepily. he props himself up on his elbow and brings a hand to your face to caress your cheek gently.

you turn to face him. 'yeah, I'm just- it's okay, don't worry, I'll be fine. just need you close to me'. 'darling, what's up? talk to me'. his voice is laced with concern and you silently curse his ability to read you like a book at all times.

'I was just.. thinking about how happy I am now, compared to how it was when I was younger. I used to think I was- I don't know, broken. but everything has gotten better since I met you, and not to be too sappy but I'm so glad I get to make happier memories here with the love of my life'.

'god you're making me emotional too, love,' he smiles and kisses you gently. 'I love you, and im so glad we found each other.' you look into his eyes adoringly and smile. 'i love you too', you reply.

you settle down into each other, ross lying on his side with his arm across you. the ache between your legs is still there, but you decide to close your eyes and try get some sleep.

until his hand begins to rub up and down your thigh, inching further and further up with each stroke before he rests it on your hip, fingertips rubbing in light circular motions dangerously close to where you need him.

you need him to fuck you so badly, but the risk of being heard is so high. you know you wouldn't be able to control yourself with the way you melt into him as he worships you.

'mmh ross, we can't, not here', you mumble, instinctively leaning into his touch despite your words. 'why not?' he asks, smirking up at you as he presses light kisses down your neck. 'i want to but my parents are next door, the walls in this house are like paper.'

he lifts his head up, the warmth of his breath tickling your ear. 'well you'll have to be quiet then won't you, love?' he whispers, dipping his hand under the waistband of your underwear. you exhale sharply as his fingers graze over your clit, instantly making you wet. 'fuck,' you breathe, squeezing your thighs in around his hand. 'ah ah, you're gonna take it like a good girl aren't you?' he says softly, grabbing your leg closest to him and pulling it up over his to give him more access.

you writhe under him as his two middle fingers continue to swipe lazily up and down, stopping suddenly. 'aren't you?' he says again, his eyes stern. 'yes- mmh- i'll be good,' you whimper desperately, earning a grunt of approval. 'there we go, relax darling, let me look after you', he replies.

the endless band posters and picture frames that cover the walls seem to be watching on in silent judgement, making you hyper aware of where you are. to be honest, the immorality and risk of it all is just making you more turned on, more desperate for him than ever.

he traces your soaked entrance teasingly before slipping his middle finger in to the knuckle, making you gasp, your back arching into him. 'shh, you said you'd be good,' he mutters, curling his finger inside you and stroking upwards. your eyes roll into your head at the heavenly sensation.

he doesn't waste time before adding another and you can't help the sound that spills from your throat, louder than you expected. he stills inside you, your slick dripping down his fingers. your heart pounds in your chest as you meet his eyes, looking down at you with a heavy gaze.

'if you're not quiet I'll give you something to whine about and we don't want that do we?' he's practically growling at you, making you like putty in his hands. 'n-no, please, daddy' you whine under your breath. the magic word. his breath hitches and his eyes roll back into his head. 'fuck, there's my girl', he whispers, his eyes snapping back to yours instantly.

with that, he starts moving in and out, dipping his fingers in as deep as they can go and drawing them back again in quick, fluid motions. obscene sounds break the silence of the room, barely noticeable above the haze of pleasure taking over your body.

your walls pulse around him, enhancing the feeling even more. he throws his right leg up over yours, holding your legs open for him. he curls his fingers inside you, using his thumb at the same time to press into your clit, hard. you have to hold your breath to suppress the scream that's lingering in the back of your throat, coming out in a pathetic barely audible whimper as you exhale.

his other hand creeps around the back of your head, never slowing his rhythm between your thighs. he reaches your mouth and covers it tightly with his whole palm, muffling any more noises you would've let out. suddenly he shoves three digits into your mouth, making you gag as they hit the back of your throat. you close your lips around them and start sucking, swirling your tongue around and coating him in spit, never breaking eye contact. he groans softly, flashbacks filling his mind of how your mouth feels around his cock.

your mouth hangs open as he hits the deep part inside you and your eyebrows furrow, hips bucking into his hand in time with his movements. he's fucking you hard and fast, pinning you to the mattress.

'ross, I can't - mfh- fuck, i'm -' you start, although it comes out muffled and strained around his fingers that are still deep in your mouth. the vibration of your voice goes straight through his hand, the sensation making him feral.

'one more fucking word from you and you're never going to finish do you hear me?' he whispers aggressively, eyes stern. you nod your head in silent response, eyes fluttering shut for a moment.

he takes his fingers out of your mouth, dragging his soaked hand down to your neck and presses in on either side just below your jaw, all the while his fingers are working you to your core. you bite your lip as you gaze up at him, completely at his mercy and loving every second of it.

he reaches a particularly deep spot inside you that makes your stomach coil. your head is spinning, face scrunched up in excruciating pleasure, on the brink of the peak you've been desperately chasing as his strokes get quicker and more precise.

'please...' it's barely a whisper, more of a breathy plea for him to let you come. 'let go. let me fucking feel you all over me. pretty. little. slut.' each word is punctuated by a hard thrust into you, the final one sending you over the edge.

your vision turns to white and you clasp a hand over your mouth to stop yourself from screaming, your hips rolling into his hand as you ride out your high. his hand that's now drenched, warm honey dripping down onto his palm.

you exhale sharply as he pulls his fingers out, bringing them up in front of you and spreading the two middle ones that were curling inside you moments ago. a wet string of your arousal connects them at the knuckle and you watch him dazedly. he drags them almost reluctantly towards his mouth, as if he didn't want to stop looking, and runs his tongue up the wide v shape, collecting your juices into his mouth.

it's a filthy sight that leaves you awestruck. he smirks at you as you lie gazing at him, being broken out of your lustful trance when he leans in to kiss you. as soon as your lips part his mouth is hovering above yours as he taps your jaw lightly. you open your mouth wider and he takes his chance to slowly spit into your mouth. the taste of the two of you is warm and feral and addictive.

he whispers again, breath ghosting over your lips. 'good girl'. you're too flustered to respond with words, so you slide your hand up around the back of his neck and pull him into another kiss. tongues moving languidly against each other. it's loving and soft, a stark contrast to what he was like moments ago, but you wouldn't have it any other way.

~

[shurisbathwater]

Hiii I have a request☺️

Shuri x reader

Reader gets pregnant and is confused and terrified bc she’s only been with shuri

So one day she visits shuri in the lab and starts asking more detailed questions about the strap

Then she’s also worried bc he and shuri aren’t actually in a relationship so she starts avoiding her until she can figure out what to do

Shuri doesn’t like that she’s being ignored so she just shows up in the readers house and like is sitting on the couch or something waiting for when the reader gets home one night.

Plz forgive my formatting I wrote this at work. Thank youu😚

𝐖𝐀𝐈𝐓 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ; Shuri udaku

✿•˖*

A/n :: Thank you sm for the request love <;3! Srry this took ages 😭😭 I had alot of stuff going on personally.

𝐈𝐍 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐂𝐇 :: you find out your pregnant with Shuri's baby. Freaked out and confused, you avoid and deny everything. Hard truth -You and Shuri are not even in a relationship. So what will happen now?

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒 :: Angsty, fluff. That should be it.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓 :: 1,834

✿•˖*

higher -- tems

best part -- daniel caesar Ft. H.E.R

𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐍𝐈𝐁𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐋𝐈𝐏 and bounced your knee up and down as you sat on the toilet of your bathroom. "Fuck.Fuck.Fuck. Oh my gosh."

You put your head in your hands as you just needed a moment to.. you'd say.. think. How could you let this happen? You grab the pregnancy test sitting on the sink and you grab it, looking at the result.

"Positive.." you breathed out as you shook your head. "No no no." You put your head in your hands once again. You throw the test and it hits off of the door, onto the floor. You rip open another test and repeat the same process.

You watch the test as you wait for the result, keeping your beady little eyes on it.

Soon, two lines come up on the test.

"No!nope nope nope." You dig through the trash to look at the box. "This has to be some kind of prank." You muttered, in denial about everything.

It could be the test, right? there's no way..well it is from a cheap drugstore. You read the test, and nothing seems useful to you so you throw it back in.

You're going to have to accept it.

You're pregnant.

With shuri udaku's baby.

Without thinking, you leave the bathroom and grab your coat. You then get your keys from the counter and go down to the stairs, to get to the parking garage.

As you get there, you sit in your car and nibble your lip. You cant be pregnant. You guys aren't even together. You can't be together. That was the agreement. This was just for fun..but It got serious so fast. You drive off, palms sweaty and shaky.

✿•˖*

𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐄 standing outside of shuris lab now. You grab the doorhandle but hesitate, but before you can do anything griot informs her that someone is here.

"Come in!"

You take a deep breath and open the door, standing helplessly as she works on a new project.

"Oh, y/n. Didnt expect to see you here." She says as she glances up at you, then continuing to work.

You chuckle shakily as you muster up some words to say to her. "I'm..I wanted to ask you something, you know about the strap." You get quieter on the last word.

She drops her piece of equipment and stares at you. She raises her brow and stares at you strangely. "Can it maybe get me pregnant, for instance?" You ask.

"No..why are you asking?" She tilts her head. "Y'know, I just wanna protect myself. Is anything faulty about it or...?" You slightly lie, and before she can open her mouth you cut her off.

"Actually, don't answer that. Its fine." You say as you turn around to the door. "Y/n--" but before she could say anything you were gone.

you felt a wave of embarrasment and shame come over you. You felt as if you screwed this up. You walk to your car and try to open the door, but your hands were shaky. you take breaths to calm yourself.

"I'll figure it out." you mumble to yourself as you finally open the car door. Okay, a plan. what will you do?

No idea.

you groaned and put your head against the steering wheel. You were completely clueless..how were you going to take care of a mini you when you can hardly take care of yourself some days?

You figured the best idea was to stop seeing shuri untill you figured out and processed all of this.

you rub your belly and bite your lip.

"Everythings gonna be alright.." you reassured yourself as you started the car, your shaky and clammy hands gripping the steering wheel.

You drove off from the lab, playing some chill r & b to soothe you.

Once you got to your house. you slumped on the couch and sat there in distress. you felt the tears prickling in your eyes, and your throat closing up. There was one question lingering in your mind. what were you going to do?

Your phone buzzed, bringing you out of your trance. you wiped your eyes and sniffled.

shuri

wyd tomorrow?

you

busy

shuri

day after that?😏

you

busy all week

you threw your phone across the couch as you slumped there, being sorry for yourself. How could you let this happen. Messing with the princess of wakanda wasn't the best idea.. but somehow you couldn't let go. You craved her touch, and when she wasnt there you could still taste her on your lips.

The best idea was to avoid. avoid avoid avoid. Untill nessecary. Which would probably be..forever? she couldn't know about this baby. Not now , not ever.

✿•˖*

weeks later

𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐅𝐈𝐃𝐃𝐋𝐄𝐃 with your fingers anxiously as you sat out in the waiting room, outside of the obstetricians office. You sat alone with your thoughts as the clocked on the wall ticked. Shuri had been trying to contact you for ages now, and your only choice was to decline and avoid.

You now were here for your first ultrasound, which was well overdue. suddenly, a secretary comes out.

"Y/n L/n?" she says as she looked around the room.

you got up from your seat and took a deep breath, your hands shaking. "Okay.." you muttered as you made your way to the office.

You had no idea what the gender was, and the pregnancy was slowly started to show on you. mood changes, morning sickness, and cravings. The belly was starting to show too, in which you had to hide with baggy clothes. Layering clothes was basically your best friend.

You walked into the office as the doctor smiled at you warmly. "Hi.." you said in a low tone. "hi y/n." She said as she put on her gloves. "Do you mind just sitting over there?" she says to you as she prepares everything for your ultrasound. you take a seat. she then adjusts the chair to make you lean back.

She starts the procedure by pulling up your shirt and putting gel directly on your stomach. she rubs the cold gel on your preganant belly. "Nervous?" she said to you, trying to make conversation. "Kinda." you chuckled. "Thats okay.. it's normal. You're not the only one." she grinned at you.

"Okay..." she says as she gets the sensor and puts it onto your stomach, moving it round. Suddenly something comes on the screen. your..baby.."Oh..oh my gosh." you say as a tear rolls down your face, hands over your mouth. you laughed softly. You start to sob quietly out of joy.

This was a moment you were going to cherish forever.

"It's just me and you." you said in between sobs, smiling.

"Would you like to know the gender?"

"No..no..I want it to be a surprise." you sniffled as you wiped your tears.

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑 𝐃𝐎𝐎𝐑 opened as you get to your apartment floor. You felt joy running through your body, but also waves of sadness.

You walk over to your apartment and put the keys in the door, the keys jangling. you walk in to see the lights on and someone sitting on the couch. It can't be..you drop your keys and walk backwards. "When were you going to tell me...sthandwa." she turns and gets up to look at you. "oh.." you mutter as you close the door behind you. "h..how did you get in here, Shuri?" you said shakily. "when were you going to tell.Me."

she picks up the trash can from your bathroom , and takes out the two pregnancy tests. "I..."

"This is why you were avoiding me?"

"I didn't know how to tell you." you sniffled as you felt the waterworks coming.

"..I thought it was for the best."

Shuri looks at you, attempting to stay strong. you saw her slowly breaking down, tears rolling down her face. "When did you find out? how far along are you?" she rushes to you, grasping onto your elbows, rubbing her hands along your arms.

"A couple weeks." you sniffled and smiled up at her. you take the photo of the ultrasound out of your bag and show it to her. she gasps softly as she takes it out of your hand to look at it.

she cries some more, tear drops rolling on the picture. "entle.." her mother language slipping off of her tongue. she puts it on the counter and gets on her knees, admiring yourbaby belly. she kisses it softly and looks up at you. she closes her eyes as another tear comes down, and you cover your mouth to stop you from full on sobbing.

the most beautiful moment you had ever experienced.

"Have you told anyone yet?"

"no.. i don't plan on it anytime soon."

"I'll wait for you. whenever your ready, I will wait for you."

✿•˖*

𝐘𝐎𝐔 looked at yourself in the mirror and adjusted your hair for what felt like the fifth time in the past five minutes. "Relax babe, you look amazing." Riri reassured you as she walked towards the mirror, looking at you in the relfection. "You should go out there. Everyones waiting for you." she grinned. you give her a tight lipped smile back as she put her hand in yours. "you got this. it's your day." you nodded as she walked out of the bathroom, glancing at you and shutting it behind her.

"Okay." you mutter as you walk out of your hiding spot.

you walk over to the front of your babies gender reveal in awe. You couldn't believe it was happening. You felt calm and stress-free as you know there people who love you and care for you, meaning you didn't feel alone anymore.You felt a little anxious though. you rubbed your belly again and you looked down at your outfit, and admired yourself. You felt as confident as ever. you smiled to yourself as Shuri came up beside you, kissing your forhead. "I told you not to wear those death traps." you rolled your eyes as you knew what she was referring to.

"Heels aren't going to hurt the child, Shuri." you chuckled. "Plus, i look good, don't I?" you spun around to show the full fit. "Amazing." she smiled wide.

Shuri grabbed a pin, and you grabbed a balloon which had the words "Boy or girl?" inprinted on it. Family and friends gathered and smiled hopefully at the both of you.

"3..2..1..!" They all chanted along with you

Shuri pops the balloon, and suddenly everyone cheered in unision. Blue glitter spread in the air, meaning it's a boy!

You and shuri screamed excitedly, jumping up in the air. she picks you up and spins you around.

"Oh my gosh..Marry me."

your lips part slowly as you try to process the information you just heard.

"Marry me, sthandwa."

You nod as you were shocked you couldn't even say anything.

it was now you, your wife and your son.

A/n : sorry this took so long yall...chile what a mess. Anyways hope you enjoyed.

[remcycl333]

Is putting my awareness on having it the same as feeling it real? I feel like I put too much pressure on trying to feel how I would if I had it in the 3d and that’s where I struggle. I want to manifest moving out and given the circumstances I need it to reflect asap but idk how to feel it real and not panic when the circumstances are all up in my face and taking a toll on me. I’m so sorry if that was a lot, thank you so much for being so patient.

feeling it real doesn't have to feel like happiness or euphoria! sometimes the feeling of knowing doesn't feel like anything. so yes, as long as you're aware of the fact that you have it in imagination, that's enough! i have a friend who manifested her sp, and she said that the whole time she was manifesting her sp she felt anxious about it every day, but she just stood firm in the fact that her sp was hers and it still manifested!

i went through the same thing while manifesting at first. like when i was manifesting my sp a couple years ago, the DAY before he finally reached out to me i was sooo anxious out of nowhere, constantly thinking about how i much be doing everything wrong bc it wasn't here yet, how i needed to start over, how it'd be days without anything, etc, but i'd just talk to myself and be like "no im doing everything right, i already have it, im good, this isn't gonna effect anything bc its mine" etc.

having feelings of anxiety or worry is not a failure on your part, and they won't mess anything up (unless you assume they will). i've read this somewhere, i think it was twitter but i can't remember who said it, but think about anxiety. it's not logical! usually you feel anxious over something that you think will never even actually happen, but you still feel anxious anyway. or i have friends who sometimes say they're super anxious and they don't even know why. i had social anxiety as a teenager and i'd be soo anxious in social settings. what did i think was going to happen? nothing, but i was still anxious for no reason constantly. and my anxiety never manifested, because even i knew it was illogical. it still hindered me in other ways, but it didn't manifest into negative circumstances in my reality!

re-reading your ask i realize u didn't mention anxiety 😭 but im still gonna keep all that in bc i still think you/other people will benefit from those anecdotes! lol

"idk how to feel it real and not panic when the circumstances are all up in my face and taking a toll on me"

in my experience, you don't need to focus on feeling it real constantly! i focus on feeling it real while im imagining, but during the day, i just shift my state when i need to. that being said, there's no pressure to be in the state of the wish fulfilled every second of the day! the main goal is to enter TSOTWF more than the state of lack, but there's also more states you can enter throughout the day! sometimes during the day you're neither in the state of the wish fulfilled nor the state of lack. there's such thing as a neutral state! so if you're panicking and it's hard for you to shift back to your desired state, you can focus on shifting to a neutral state. you can do this by trying to calm yourself down, talking to yourself, meditating, taking deep breaths, etc. if you need to just take deep breaths and think of something else that has nothing to do with your desire, go for it!

if im manifesting something on a time crunch, it always really helps me to just deep breathe and talk to myself, saying things such as "there's nothing to worry about, its mine, it's promised, everything is going to work out perfectly, my 3D is going to change, my inner man already has it and my inner man is me" etc.

i manifested moving out and this was very helpful for me! i dealt with very toxic, narcissistic parents and my family struggled with money for most of my life. sometimes my parents would be yelling at me for no reason and it'd trigger me bc i was manifesting living in my own apartment on my own. in these times i'd focus on remaining calm and staying in a neutral state. eventually it got easier for me and i'd be able to talk to myself in my head while getting yelled at, saying stuff like "im so glad this isn't my life anymore, im so glad i live on my own whew" etc. i'd also imagine that i was just visiting home and i couldn't wait for my visit to be over so i could go back to my own apartment again.

just remember that no matter what happens in your 3D, nothing can stop you from having your desire in your imagination. you moved out in your 4D and nothing can change that! it is fact, and all you have to do is persist in that face. you don't have to gaslight or trick yourself into thinking you moved out in the 3D. you just need to stand firm in the fact you have it in your 4D.

anywayzzz i hope this helps! i hope i answered your question i fear i went on multiple different tangents lol <3

[sku11s1asher]

Punches ok.. uhm uhm can I request a hard dom Johnathan x Reader (Male ofc) where Reader is wearing a skirt , so his bestfriend Johnathan looses his shit over it and fucks him 😧

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johnathan byers x male reader

FEM DNI (you will be blocked)

mb it took me so long to post this, i had writers block and didn’t really realize that the inbox was a thing bc i didn’t get notifications for it so i just thought no one asked stuff in there </3 (also this is based on s4 where they are in cali cuz i felt like hawkins was too homophobic for this) also not a lot of plot to this so it’s short ;(

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You were waiting for this moment, the day that you finally get your way with Johnathan. You dressed in this beautiful skirt, got yourself prepared, and left to go to his house. Early that day he told you that he was home alone and needed someone to keep his company as argyle was somewhere else. When you got in your car, you looked in the mirror and took a deep breath before driving to his house. The radio turned on some Aerosmith (or whatever you want ig), which calmed your nerves, you were starting to have second thoughts about this but it was too late as you were around the corner from his house.

You mentally prepared yourself before walking into his house. Johnathan and his (ex?) girlfriend Nancy have been drifting apart lately, you were hoping now that they aren’t having the strongest relationship that you can slide in there and take her place. Before you could knock on the door he opened it, he had a flustered look while looking at you up and down. You were freaking out in your mind so you couldn’t catch the smirk on his face, along with the tent in his pants. “Come in, Y/N, I don’t want to let the cold air out.” You took your shoes off before going to his room with him following behind you, slightly looking up the skirt. You felt his eyes all over your body when you bent over for a split second to grab a book off the floor.

You tried to get up to look at him but he pushed your head down into the pillow even harder, which made you arch your back on reflex. “Stay in this position.” He demanded while he got off the bed to grab a condom and lube. As soon as he put his fingers inside of you he knew you prepared yourself, “Did you prepare yourself because you knew I’d fuck you today?” He asked while he kissed you on your back. You tried to reply to him but all that came out were muffled sounds. “I can't believe my best friend is such a slut for me.” He began kissing your body more, leaving a couple of hickies here and there. You lifted your ass right onto his crotch to give him a hint. You heard him chuckle before a ripping sound was heard and you got turned around, “I want to see and hear you.” You could only look away in embarrassment since the realization of your best friend was about to fuck you.

He started to go faster when he felt you get tight, giving you a few kisses. After a little bit, he took his hand that was holding yours so he could jack you off, you cummed immediately which made you get ever tighter. “Fuck, loosen up a bit.” He groaned. Just became you released your load, doesn’t mean he isn’t going to release his. You started to get overstimulated when he put his hands on your waist to fuck you even harder. You couldn’t help yourself but scratch his shoulder from being so overstimulated, you couldn’t process what you were doing, you just needed something to grip on. Soon enough he came, along with you cumming for a second time. He pulled out of you slowly after calming down. You were still breathing heavily when you felt a couple kisses on your neck. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I can’t control myself.” He said before getting off you. “No- I liked it, if I didn’t I would’ve said something, I promise. I mean I did wear the skirt for a reason.” He grabbed your face, “We did have sex so I think we should make it official, we don’t have to tell everyone but-” You cut him off with a kiss before he could ramble any longer.

He cleaned you both up and let you wear a pair of his sweatpants. You both were cuddling in his bed when you heard the door open, “JOHNATHAN, WERE HOME!” You heard his mom call. He groaned, “I guess our cuddle time is over until tonight.” He gave you a quick kiss before getting up and cleaning his room a little bit so they don’t suspect much. You grabbed your book from earlier which was now on the floor instead of the bed and flipped through it looking for where you last left off, “Did you read this or something?” You looked up at him, “Yeah probably, I honestly think that-” He got cut off by the door opening, revealing Will and El, “Hi Y/N.” El said at the before telling you both that their mom said dinner is ready. You smiled at her before saying okay, you waited for them to leave before you stood up. “My back hurts god..” You whispered. You could feel him smiling behind you and you just flicked him off.

════

@ethereal-love

again im so sorry this took me forever to do, i had a bad writers block and didn’t feel like doing request :(

[metaltea]

Yesterday was ok, today anxiety's been awful again...

(rambling abt anxiety and nonsense venting below)

felt dizzy/bit of vertigo throughout the morning and when I checked my BP it was 154/108 so that scared the shit out of me... I took a bit of propranolol and that seems to be helping but I'm worried bc when I asked about what a dangerous BP was my stepdad said 160 and up and that's uncomfortably close. The last time it was high it was only like 140/90 so this was really scary

I called the number the crisis ppl give me from a resource sheet on friday again since I never got a response after leaving a message on monday but this time they told me to call yet another number and they said I couldn't get any kind of help till I came to their office to fill out some forms and like??? I CAN'T LEAVE MY FUCKING APARTMENT

Do these people never get ppl with severe agoraphobia?? The last time I had a full-on panic attack I screamed at the top of my lungs and had to call 911 to get ppl to calm me down so I'd stop hyperventilating, you want me doing that in public again??????

Anyway she told me I can call the supervisor and see if she could make an exception in my case BUT ofc she wasn't available and I had to leave a message, no clue when I'll hear back and when I do I doubt she'll even be able to help me

I fucking hate this system. This is why so many people kill and hurt themselves. When they are lost, when there's nowhere else to turn. When the crisis ppl come they give you a whole list of resources but what is there for people like me who are stuck at home, broke, unable to work bc they literally cannot function like this when it gets this bad every couple of months (sometimes more frequently)

it's either go to a psych ward where they'll pump you full of meds that'd just give me the same "locked in" panic attacks which trust me are far worse than toughing it out at home where at least it isn't bright and loud and horrible or face shit on your own

I thought it was starting to get better, yesterday I cooked 3 meals for myself, I went outside and sat on the step for 5 mins, today I can't get out of bed bc every time I try the room spins. Even when I'm laying down like this it's bad. Even if I close my eyes it's bad... I slept better last night and I thought I was doing well but no, midway through the day everything's horrible again. I keep feeling out of breath no matter how many deep breaths I take... other times I feel like there's "too much air" and I'm breathing too fast and can't slow it down... how do I even describe it??

I feel like I'm going insane but at the same time I know it's been this bad and worse before. I remember my childhood. I remember laying on the floor struggling to breathe, alone. I remember begging god to take this sensation of dread to go away, or to just let me die. Anxiety has a habit of always seeming... idk unfamiliar? No matter how many panic attacks you have, they always feel new

and what's worse is I can't even remember how I eventually always overcome these phases bc I ground rule growing up stemming from OCD I had at the time was I wasn't allowed to write anything in a journal bc it was "bad luck" or something (at the very least my OCD isn't nearly as bad these days) Idk if it takes days, weeks or months to get better. If I spend half a year or longer just waiting for things to get better then like um... it kinda becomes a quality of life issue, doesn't it?

Idk maybe it's the weather. It's 65 rn, yesterday it was mid forties, so maybe that's it. Well then I'm fucked bc it's only gonna get warmer as it approaches summer, and ya know climate change and everything wooooo

Doesn't help that the past two times when my stepdad witnessed me having those really bad attacks he said I should go to a padded cell or something... I know where he grew up there was no such thing as mental illnesses or therapy, only "crazy and not crazy", but damn it hurts. At least my bio dad understood what was going on to some extent. He knew anxiety was out my control, that I was going through it but that it didn't make me "crazy", just that my body was reacting physically to something seemingly unsurmountable on a mental level.

My stepdad was even surprised when I told him anxiety is the second most common mental illness nation-wide. I've talked to many other bad anxiety-sufferers, the reason you don't see us outside a lot is bc most of us are inside afraid to leave our houses! We're literally just trying to survive in bodies with malfunctioning nervous systems and in a society that literally is built around causing stress on a daily basis- on normal people, so just think about how that is if you literally have the being-stressed-out disorder my guy

it also seems like whenever I talk to my mom about this she tries to immediately talk about something else. Like I messaged her earlier today and when I brought up feeling dizzy and having a high BP she just said "Sorry you're having a challenging day! We're at the library getting library cards. Libraries are nice!" like sure some ppl like talking about light hearted stuff to distract them but sometimes I just need someone to be there and listen, you know? All it does is make me clam up and bottle all my emotions in, which ofc makes it worse.

I'm scared to check my BP again. I feel like there's something terribly wrong with my body but it's not as if I can see a doctor if I can't 1. afford it till medicaid processes or 2. fucking go to the doctor. You want me to have another one of those soul-crushing panic attacks and shriek around some stranger in an uber?? Hell no

So yea idk what to do. I have a math test this weekend and I've barely studied at all, can't get myself to focus on anything. I can't drop out again, I've already failed this class twice. I don't think they'd let me take it again and I'm pretty sure I've run out of financial aid to pay for it

Ofc mom and dad are gone, my sister said she'd visit me the other day but "forgot" to, so I'm alone. Completely and entirely alone.

The one thing I have going for me is the PMDD won't start up for another week or two so at the very least I have a will to live rn. Anxiety and depression usually go hand-in-hand but since it's just anxiety atm I'm still able to have the motivation to cook and clean when I'm not ya know unable to get out of bed bc my heart is beating out of my chest

When it does come back, well... I'll keep those crisis numbers on speed dial. I've survived all this horseshit, I might as well make it worth something. Idk maybe the thing I'll keep living for rn is a fucking pet fish someday. I have to hold on to every tiny thing that gets me through the day bc there is a chance, even if extremely slim, that things will in fact get better

[duckymcdoorknob]

Ducky hi I hope this isn’t a bother but I have an oddly specific emergency request??

I’ve been struggling with atypical anorexia for years. I keep gaslighting myself that it’s not that bad because I’m not skinny enough to look sick. I feel like it’s no big deal because it wouldn’t hurt for a fat girl like me to stop eating right? Hah sorry. Bad joke…

anyways, I saw that you write for Genshin and I was wondering if I can have Cyno and/or Tighnari comfort me? It can be separate or together but maybe can you make it that we’re classmates and he/they notice us?

thank you for even taking the time to read this and I hope you have a really good day 🥲

Oh my god anon hi

It’s like my brain was fucking cloned and copied into yours.

Fear not my liege, I’ll do both of them bc I’m infatuated with them both.

This is EXACTLY what I face on the daily.

I hope this isn’t too triggering because I really projected into these. I kinda just emptied my mind into the doc

(Oh no, Cyno’s got long)

I want you to know that you are deserving of food. No matter your size, food is fuel and you NEED to eat.

CW BELOW THE CUT: Reader has An0r3xia, Symptoms of An0r3xia, Self-hatred and Self-depreciation Ducky is essentially venting in this post

ALL REQUESTS ARE CLOSED!! THIS IS AN OLD REQUEST

𝑇𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑛𝑎𝑟𝑖

The course of your life changed long ago, and you can’t exactly remember what “inspired” you to take the path that you did. However, you’d been plagued with negative thoughts for years, and decided to take action.

What you didn’t take into account was the people that you would hurt in the process…

Tighnari wasn’t expecting you to enter his life. You were a Haravatat student, and he was an Amurta student. Your paths were not technically supposed to cross. But, somehow you both ended up in the same required arithmetic class.

The first day went as always, your professor would explain the outline of the course, you’d introduce yourself to your seat-mate, and that would be it.

Little did you know, your seat-mate would be the one to save you from yourself…

The fennec leaned over to you, and in a whispered voice said, “If he doesn’t stop talking about his cat, I might just walk out.”

You giggled a little, to his delight, replying, “Walking? Man, you’re calm. I’m ready to drop out entirely.”

You earned a snort in reply. You watched the student next to you try not to erupt into laughter. “Tighnari.” He managed through his scattered breaths.

“(Y/N).” You replied with a smile. “Need any water? You’re looking a little…”

“Mm mmnh, fine, fine. I’m fine…” He blew an exhale through his lips as he gently fanned himself with his hand. “No laughing here.”

From that moment on, the two of you became friends. Your torturous arithmetic class became your favorite part of the day, and you looked forward to seeing Tighnari every time you went.

Eventually, all good things must come to an end. Your disorder had caught up with you, and you started to behave differently.

You started to slowly deteriorate. You became more reserved, nauseous and irritable. Your daily caloric intake sunk drastically, and you did not feel good whatsoever. Every time you stood, gravity was begging for you to go back down.

Ideally, this was not what a human should face, but this is what you greatly desired deep down. The pain in your stomach, head, knees, chest, it all meant that you were doing what you thought you needed to do.

One day during arithmetic, you were completely spaced out. You couldn’t focus on anything aside from your pounding head and starving stomach. A loud growl emitted from your abdomen, but you could scarcely hear it over the ringing in your ears.

Tighnari looked upon you worriedly, noticing you gag while your professor talked about the breakfast he had. When class was dismissed, you practically jumped to your feet to leave, promptly causing you to stumble and brace yourself on him for support.

“(Y/N)-“

“I’m… I’m fine.” And with that, you quickly left the room and rushed to the top floor of the library, in a spot that only you and your best friend knew about. After climbing the stairs, you fell onto the beanbag chair, panting heavily and holding your throbbing head. What was wrong?

You didn’t have much time to focus on why you were feeling so feeble, due to hearing frantic footsteps climbing the stairs behind you.

“Please, go away,” you whimpered as you tried to calm yourself. “I don’t want anyone to see me. Please just leave me alone.”

“I’d be a fool to leave you like this.” The person sat down next to you, looking at you with sympathetic eyes.

You looked to your left to meet aquamarine colored irises, blaring holes through you. “Tighnari…” With a wobbling lip, your tears started to bubble up again.

“I’m here… I’m here… it’s okay,” he soothed, moving to kneel in front of you. “What’s going on?”

“I… I-“ you wanted nothing more to explain, but would he believe you? You didn’t look sick enough, so who were you to claim you had an eating disorder. “I’m j-just not fee-feeling well.” You lied

“(N/N), please don’t lie to me…” he begged. “I may be reaching way too far out of proportion, but-“ his face screwed into one of sympathy as he looked at your terrified eyes, securing his fears. “With everything I’ve been noticing-“ he sighed. “If… If you’re having problems eating, you can tell me.”

You froze, breath stopping completely. “I-I don’t have-“ you scoff in disbelief at him. How did he figure that out from just your symptoms? “Look at me, Tighnari. I’m too fat to have an eating disorder.”

“Anyone of any size can have an eating disorder.”

“Not someone like me.” You shook your head as pitiful laughter bubbled out of you. “Someone like me doesn’t have an eating disorder. It doesn’t matter how hard I try, I never make any progress. That’s kinda how it works, and I can’t manage to make it work.”

“I’m obsessed with what I eat and how much I eat, and no one fucking believes me. Archons, it wouldn’t matter to the public if I just completely stopped eating. It would honestly be better knowing that I wasn’t stuffing my face all of the time. Maybe I’d actually drop a few pounds if I-“

“(Y/N).” The archer’s heart sank to the ground as he heard what you thought of yourself.

“What?”

“Can I please give you a hug?”

You paused, taking in his face. Tighnari looked absolutely distressed, almost as if he was about to cry. “Y-Yes please.” You whimpered.

Without further need for conversation, you slumped your head against his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around your waist, and another around your shoulders as his hand cradled the side of your head. His padded thumb gently stroked your cheek.

“You, (N/N),” he began. “Are absolutely beautiful.”

The words made your breath catch in your lungs.

“I think you’re stunning atop of being your size. You don’t need to be a certain weight to be beautiful, you just need to be yourself. There will never not be someone trying to get under your skin, but it’s important that you stay positive. It’s like my mother always said: not everyone will want to be your friend, and that’s okay.”

The fennec sniffled, using his thumb to wipe his eyes. “What I’m saying is: you don’t have to change yourself for someone else to think you’re worthy. You brighten my life just by being alive, please don’t try to change who you are.”

“It absolutely breaks my heart to hear what you think about yourself.” Guilt washed over you as you heard his voice start to break with sniffles and tears. “A-And I don’t know h-how I’d manage if I-I lost you… (Y/N), I can’t b-bear to have to think of burying my b-best friend.”

You closed your eyes as your lip wobbled. It wasn’t long before a sob ripped from your throat and you broke down in loud lamentations.

He held you tighter, eyes closed, hot tears running down his cheeks, as he allowed you to finally release all of the woes and feelings that you had been holding in for so long.

“I’ve got you…” he whispered. “Don’t worry about a thing…”

It took a while for you to calm down, but ultimately, you did. You laid still in Tighnari’s embrace, playing with a few locks of his hair that hung loosely in front of you. “I’m sorry to cause you so much trouble…”

“Don’t be.” He replied with a patient grin, eyes focused on the people outside. “I’m just glad that you told me. To be honest, I was missing your usual quips in arithmetic.”

You snorted in amusement. “You’re only saying that to make me feel better.”

He cocked a brow and pursed his lips. “(N/N), my only other source of “comedy” is Cy-“

“Nevermind.” You interrupted.

The fennec snorted and burst out into boisterous laughter. You couldn’t help but mirror his action, giggling over the lack of hesitation in your answer.

As seconds passed, and the two of you laughed, the tears that were in your eyes were replaced by ones of mirth. When the laughter subsided, you laid lax against his torso, sighing in contentment.

Maybe Tighnari would be right after all…

𝐶𝑦𝑛𝑜

Cyno has always been a very detail oriented person. He’s keen at catching tiny things that others may overlook.

It was the end of the academic year and final examinations were coming around. The Kshahrewar students decided to host a huge party, and your dearest friend was begging you to go with him.

You wanted nothing more than to deny, for you knew your ED would ruin the night. You had been caught in a pretty bad relapse lately, and you dared not to tell Cyno.

Regardless, you swallowed your fears and agreed with a patient smile.

“Great.” His lips upturned into a gentle grin. “I can’t wait.”

That evening, you spent hours looking for something to wear. Every outfit had some sort of issue, and you never found yourself satisfied with what you had on.

Eventually, you decided on the outfit that you hated the least, texted Cyno to alert him of your departure, and left your dorm feeling uneasy.

When you arrived at the party, you found your best friend analyzing the refreshment table, plate in hand. You made your way over to him, taking in his simple, yet fashionable, clothing choice.

“Hey.” He smiled as he looked at you. He caught glimpse of your outfit and whistled, “You look hot, (N/N).”

You couldn’t help but giggle a bit at his flattery. “You’ve been waiting a while to pull that card, havent’cha?”

A simple shrug of amusement answered your question. “Im going to go say hello to Al-Haitham and Tighnari, wanna grab a plate and meet me outside?”

Your stomach dropped, but you never lost your smile. “Sure. I’ll see you out there.”

As Cyno retreated to say hello to his friends, you eyeballed the table. It was a beautiful array of food, but looking at it made you nauseous.

Your pupils flickered between sweet treats and savory snacks, the music drowning under the growing static in your ear. Your hands shook in protest as you went to grab a plate.

Having finished a, rather curt, exchange with Al Haitham, Cyno was deep in conversation with Tighnari. After a while, his eyes traveled back to the table, brows knit in confusion as he took in your demeanor. His face fell upon noticing…

You looked dazed. Your eyes absentmindedly pooled with tears as your quivering hand hovered back and forth between foods and back at your side. Eventually, you sighed in defeat and put the plate down with a loud groan, grabbing a bottle of water and retreating outside.

Words caught in his throat as he pointed to the door and attempted to stutter out an excuse to leave. Unbeknownst to him, Tighnari had seen the same thing and ushered the white-haired male after you.

When he went outside, Cyno couldn’t find you. You were nowhere to be seen in the backyard. It wasn’t until he heard gentle sniffling from above that it had dawned on him.

You were hiding out in a tiny treehouse that had been built by the Kshahrewar students as a final project. Those damn architects and their spare time…

He pushed aside his worries of cleanliness and began to scale the large tree. He carefully climbed up the ladder and silently entered the small, wooden house.

When your best friend’s eyes fell on you, his face dropped instantly. You had thrown on an oversized hoodie over your outfit, and were hugging your knees to your chest.

Cyno sat down next to you wordlessly, settling onto the dusty floor. He looked through the wooden window, eyes fixated on the twinkling stars.

“I’m sorry.” You murmured, not daring to look at him. “I ruined your fun.”

The white-haired male scoffed with amusement. “The only “fun” to be had was listening to Tighnari talk about a beetle that he found today. I love the guy, but sometimes I can only smile and nod and pretend to know what’s coming out of his mouth.”

His comment got a chuckle out of you, then an uncomfortable silence followed. “You feelin’ okay?” He asked gently.

“Not really, I’m not big into parties and I’m feeling sick.” You rest your head between your knees.

“Oh dear…” he mumbled. “Do you have water with you? Anything to snack on to get your levels regulated?”

You held up the bottle you had brought with you, not daring to speak.

“Good on the water part, but you need to eat something.”

“I’m not hungry.” Your stomach suddenly cried out for food, betraying you as you managed to curl in on yourself more.

The white-haired male sighed as he turned his head to look at you. “Do you wanna tell me what’s going on? Or do I have to force you?”

“Threatening me is not the way to get me to talk to you, Cyno.” You grumbled in reply, sneering a bit as you don’t move your head from its previous position.

“If that’s what it takes for you to tell me what’s wrong, I don’t care how it happens.” He said sternly. “Please, just tell me what’s going on.”

“It’s fine, I’m okay. Go have fun at the party.”

“(Y/N)-“

“I said I’m fine!”

Your head shoots up to reveal hot tears running down your cheeks, you lock eyes with Cyno and instantly feel guilty for yelling.

The white-haired male takes hold of both of your shoulders, gazing into your eyes. “You. Are. Not. Fine.” His fiery gaze is baring holes into you. “After what I saw a few minutes ago, I can’t believe you when you say that you’re fine. I just can’t-”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I know the signs, (Y/N). Please, tell me I’m wrong in what I’m thinking is going on, please... I care about you way too much for you to hurt yourself like this.”

His thumb comes up to wipe your tears, but it’s all in vain as you hang your head low and start to sob. Cyno is taken aback at the sudden outburst, but doesn’t fail to turn to comfort. “Oh honey… c’mere, it’s alright… it’s alright...” He soothed as he shifted to a kneeling position, wrapping his arms around you.

Through your sobs, you explained how you had been feeling lately. You explained your relapse, your self-hatred, the things you believed were true (when in reality they were not). Your best friend listened intently to every word, giving you his undivided attention.

When you were finished, Cyno did not reply, he only hugged you for a moment longer. When you broke free to wipe your eyes, that is when he finally spoke…

“I want to preface by apologizing. I didn’t even notice, and you’re one of my dearest friends… I’m so sorry.”

“S’okay.” You replied, resting your head on his shoulder.

He rested his head atop of yours, bringing a hand up to gently trace shapes on the small of your back. “I can’t entirely understand what you’re going through, but I do know what you’re feeling all too well…” he murmured. “I’m so sorry that you felt that you had to resort to this. You’re an incredible person, and I’m so lucky to call you my best friend… I couldn’t care less what you look like, or what you eat. I just wish that you felt that way too.”

“I just wanna be me again,” you whimpered. “I hate all of this. I’m tired all of the time, in pain, dizzy, everything just hurts and I’m starving but I can’t bring myself to eat anything. It’s- It’s crippling.”

“I know…” he soothed. “I wish that people understood how awful it is to have a calculator running in your head constantly. They see someone who looks like me and they think “he’s sick”. They see someone who might be on the heavier side and think “they’re an inspiration.” It’s unfair, and it’s repulsive. Anyone of any size can go through this.” He rambled,

Your eyes widened when you realized what his words meant. “Someone like you…? Wait, you? You’re-“

“For years, yes. I finally managed to get it under control when I entered the Akademiya. However, sometimes I still have moments like you’re in right now.”

“How did you recover?” You asked with hope in your voice.

Cyno gently held out his hand for you to take, which, to his delight, you did. “I met Tighnari,” he answered truthfully. “He helped me learn to love who I am… every inch of me. And I want to see if he can help you too. Do you think you’d be okay with that?”

You closed your eyes with a smile as you nodded tearfully. “Yes, please do so.”

A solemn silence was left in the treehouse until Tighnari had climbed his way up. He promptly said what everyone had been thinking: “Aw man, now my pants are all dirty.”

As you and Cyno laughed at his similar fate, you thought, for the first time in a while, that things might just be okay.

—————♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎—————

[whentherewerebicycles]

just got hit with an unexpected $600 bill for what my insurance says is a “noncovered service” even though they’ve covered it in the past sooo gonna have to call about that later and already have the sinking despair feeling of: it’s probably not going to get waived. between this and a week of unfortunate vet bills I think the dream of one last trip before the baby is not going to happen and I feel pretty bummed about that… also I fear I will be broke for the rest of my life because I spent almost the entirety of my 20s making $15k a year in grad school and it turns out that does not set you up for long-term financial stability in your 30s. but it was sunny out and we went for a nice long calming walk, including a foray into the cool dark woods where little mushrooms are growing up out of the damp earth. I’m in a pretty bad funk right now but money isn’t real and it’s not really fair to compare myself to my brothers’ financial situations when they make way more money than me, have been working well-paying jobs for much longer than me, and are part of two-income households. ugh I just have some black sheep feelings around being the oldest in the family and yet perpetually the one whose financial situation is the most precarious. but like I made my professional choices! and it’s fine it’s fine I like my life I just wish I felt less squeezed all the time. I will pursue various avenues to try to get this medical bill partially covered. I will start this second job in January and if they don’t give me enough hours I will pick up another one. also I will cry a bunch right now because I can tell I just need to get it out of my system.

oh and maybe I will practice doing this cognitive behavioral therapy triangle thing my therapist gave me as homework.

activating event: got walloped with another huge medical bill which has been a huge stressor for me all year (bc so many fucking medical bills)

belief (negative self-talk): I am either broke or on the verge of being broke all the time, I have no savings cushion at all, and every small setback makes me feel like I’m one crisis away from real financial catastrophe. this means I am a fuck-up and a failed adult who probably has no business having a baby. this situation is my own fault and reflects an inner unworthiness. also my parents and family are probably silently judging me for being an idiot with my money.

consequence (how I feel as a result): I feel a lot of shame and it makes me feel really bad

now I am supposed to go back to the belief and try to disentangle it/give myself an alternative narrative.

alternate belief: I live in a society with a super fucked up healthcare system that extorts us all to the maximum extent; I also live in a culture where insurance companies are allowed to be like ‘haha very funny go fuck yourself’ to lgbtq people and people with fertility issues who want to have kids. I have made values-aligned choices about what I want my life to look like (working in public ed and having a family), and it is a brave and honorable thing to create a life you believe in when there is lots of pressure to do something different instead (keep the horrible government contractor job that paid an obscene amount of money, not have a baby). that might be being a failed adult by some people’s standards, but if I think about what being a grown-up means to me I think it should include being able to exercise autonomy over my body/choices and making decisions that bring my lived experience into closer alignment with my core values and beliefs. also money is real but it also isn’t real and I can do the “stress now and suffer twice” thing or I can take a deep breath and move through it and hope things look different in six months. also people who are financially stable don’t “deserve” to have families more than people who don’t have savings or are dealing with a lot of debt! that’s not how it works!

[emilem-forevermore]

soft answers ig

there are actually a lot, but "dans ma tete" by louane <33

brooklyn nine nine all the way

writing! i love both ofc but writing is a nonharmful way to get out all of my negative feelings :)

comfort, especially mixed with trust. as in. laying in someones lap and closing your eyes and just feeling safe

i like to listen to music and draw after a long day.

i don't really.. candles... but my favorite scent is the smell of all my friends' hair <3

my bestest friend. they know my real name, they know my secrets, they accept me however i am and i feel safe, and ofc the feeling is mutual

ohh um. um. squishies, especially food ones

so many!!! the first one i can think of is getting my black belt in taekwondo. i just felt so happy and proud and i remember that moment so clearly in my head of the entire room clapping and my teacher tying the belt around me.

there are a lot, i'm lucky, but yesterday during lunch my friend and i were talking about a silly memory where we laughed so hard and every time we talk about it we immediately end up in tears in the best way XD and today after school i was sitting with my friend and she kept misspeaking hilariously and we made a bunch of stupid jokes that were actually really funny and i felt really... okay :)

a couple, i'd say, but hugging my larger stuffed animals makes me feel happy. blahaj or the panther i named "harry" for when im sad

drawing trees, listening to either very aggressive or very calm songs, and writing poetry about how i feel.

shower. bc feels like rain.

eeee um homecoming is on friday and i get to work at the gsa table (genders and sexualities alliance for my school)

i eat popcorn when im sad, but probably just candy (white rabbits, hersheys, gummy worms)

i really want to do a big drawing with a lot of detail!!

in a long, solid hug where i can take a deep breath and know because i am with that person, everything will be alright

hopefully all ages. right now, i'm pretty authentically me, and i'm really lucky to feel that way

i've written a couple yeah. dont know if ive gotten one

gfskj so many. but i think my first kiss- i remember we were surrounded by our best friends watching 'the summer i turned pretty' and they were in my arms and i leaned down and kissed them and it was so gentle and sweet and genuine

hot cocoa!! always good! especially with popcorn dipped in

it's. it's called 'songs.' i'm so sorry. my favorite playlist not made by me though is called "That's My Kind Of Heaven" (it's kinda abt me i think... so...)

after a play i did yea

i have four. but the first one is a boy i've known since before birth. the second is the person who knows everything about me who i love more than anything (bestest bestie), the third is a girl i've known since kindergarten who i laughed with at lunch yesterday, and the fourth is my ex, someone i've been really open to and honestly trust more than almost anyone

i'm not sure. it'd be blueish, but a mix of a lot of colors

i'd want to live near a lake, in a smaller town with probably my bestest friend :)

i do, a little bit. for a project in science i grew some peppers and they're still alive!! love those and they were fun to grow

i'm proudest of myself, for being who i am and for keeping going even when it was really, really hard.

i get unreasonably angry sometimes but overall? yeah, i really try, at least.

my hobbies look like they're spread all over my room due to the drawings on my walls and the bookshelf organized by color. they look like my soul, with nail polish on my dresser and poems scattered around in notebooks covered with stickers. they look like me.

amazing questions btw

✨soft asks✨

What song makes you feel better?

What is your go to comfort show?

Reading or writing? Why?

Whats your favorite feeling?

How do you like to take care of yourself?

What’s your favorite candle scent?

Who do you feel most like yourself around?

Whats a fabric/texture that’s nostalgic for you?

Best childhood moment?

When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? (or just felt really good afterwards)

Do you have a comfort item? Tell us about it!

What calms you down?

Bath or shower to relax?

Whats something upcoming that you’re excited for?

Comfort food?

What’s something you want to create soon?

How do you feel best loved?

What age in life do you think you’ll feel most yourself at?

Have you ever written or received a love letter?

Tell us about a memory you hold close to your heart.

Tea, Coffee, or hot cocoa?

Name of your favorite playlist?

Have you ever received flowers?

Who is your bestfriend?

If your soul was a color, what would it be?

If you could live anywhere with anyone you want, where would it be and who would you bring?

Do you like to garden? Have you ever grown something?

What are you proudest of?

Are you a kind person?

What do your hobbies look like?

[tearsandfairydust]

I just give up. At this point I just give up. Why even allow someone to get me out of my character anymore? I keep repeating it to myself but this is not love. This is not what love is supposed to feel like. It’s supposed to be calm and gentle. It’s supposed to be soft and thoughtful. Not someone trying to sleep right next to you while you’re knee deep in a crying episode. I have never in my entire life experienced someone so cold. So cut off. So angry. So resentful. So hateful. What am I doing that I deserve all of that? Nothing. In a relationship nothing you do should warrant the removal of love and affection and care. Nothing. You don’t watch someone you claim to love spiral and sit there and get angry because you can’t sleep. This is not love. I think I’m really coming to my senses that this isn’t what I want for myself for the rest of my life. I cannot live with this kind of love. I’m really starting to zero in on the fact that I may not want this anymore. I’m fighting but what am I fighting for? For someone who promises change and then never does? Who tells me to shut the fuck up when I’m crying because I started to get angry myself? Who tells me they want to try and they want to do better for me and then throws that out the window the first chance they get to show me?

Do you know how many flower bouquets we have passed for $6 in the past couple months that I have not received? When was the last time I got just because flowers? I didn’t even get a bouquet on Valentine’s Day but only the day after when I complained. I am not being loved in my love language. I’m only being loved in theirs. I do not feel loved. This is not what love is.

I can’t even tell you the last time I received a loving paragraph before waking up or in the middle of my day bc they wanted me to feel special. I can tell you it was before this relationship that’s for sure. I have never received that kind of treatment here. I have done it many times for them though.

Truthfully speaking, I don’t know how much more my heart will take of this. It has been a constant battle between my heart and my brain. My brain knows this isn’t good for me and my brain wants out. My heart tells me that this person is worth it and that they’ll realize how much I love them unconditionally and will hopefully start loving me the same. Slowly though, I feel my heart is waking up. Every single time I’ve gasped for air and gripped at my heart she has taken note of the pain they have caused and she will keep that forever. Eventually the pain will fill the chambers of my heart and it will overflow and pump through my veins and I will finally realize this is not for me. The love will blacken and come back to life but this time it will be for me that my heart is pumping for. It will no longer pump for them.

One day it will be the last time that

You

Put me down

Make me feel annoying

Make me feel like a burden

Push me when I’m down

Blame me for all our problems

Blame me for my past

Make me beg for your love

Make me cry til I can’t breathe

Let me cry myself to sleep right next to you

Make me feel ugly

Make me feel small

Make me feel anything.

One day the string that is frayed but still holding on will finally give and it will click in my head that you never loved me but the idea of me and the fact that I loved you no matter what it is you did.

Truth be told I would have loved you through it all. You could have done anything and I would have taken you. Truth be told if you had asked me to marry you and swept me off to court, I would scream yes with every fiber of my being because I love you more than life itself and it would be us against the world.

For once I wanted it to be us against the world

But it was always you versus me.

You against me.

Just me.

Truth be told I will never stop loving you. But truth be told… I can’t say the same about being in love with you.

One day the string that is frayed will break away and I will grasp at both ends with both of my hands and cling on to the last bit of hope I had for us and it will burn right through my skin and I will have to let go because the fray is you and I’m the string and I’m the only thing keeping us together. If I let us go, you would too.

The truth is you don’t want me anymore and it’s never been more evident. You despise me. For whatever reason you despise me. For your reason you despise me.

You don’t love me. No. You don’t love me. Someone who loved me would never continue to treat me this way. Someone who loved me would’ve taken Wednesday and understood the gravity of the way they speak to me and would have vowed to never hurt me that way again. Someone who loved me would have vowed to never hurt me that way again. They would vow to sow their mouth shut if it ever tried to speak to me that way again. You don’t love me.

And I’m slowly accepting that.

The string has frayed and one day it will break

And this time I will let it.

[mania-sama]

rule #12 - through the tides

Rule #12 - Through the Tides - Fish in a Birdcage

➼ information ❧ Voltron ❧ Pairing: Hunk & Lance & Pidge ❧ Tags: shark attack, amputation, surfing, surfer! lance, no voltron lions au, blood and injury, harm to animals (the shark had it coming), hurt no comfort, nonbinary! pidge, gore ❧ Summary: Lance just wants to surf, but it seems like a creature of the sea has different plans in mind. ❧ Word Count: 1,837 ❧ Cross-posted from Archive of Our Own ❧ Original post date: 16 October 2023

➼ whumptober 2023 ❧ Day 16: Amputation ❧ Previous Day ❧ Next Day ❧ Masterlist

Author Note:

this is inspired by a VERY specific fanart of lance and shiro (not ship i dont think) where shiro is trying to comfort a crying lance, who is staring horrifiedly at his amputated arm. the nub has obvious shark bites, and the whole work is so compelling bc its like lance was hurt by the thing he loves THE MOST in the world (or that the fandom has assigned to him anyway) and nobody can understand his pain but shiro, who is also an amputee.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT. I CANT FIND IT. i cant find the fucking fanart. its gone. if any loser reads this fic and happens to have the fanart somewhere. link me to it. or dm me on instagram or twitter. i am desperate. i am so utterly desperate idk what to do with myself

also faintly inspired by barbie's "a mermaid tale" but thats only because the only references i have to surfing are the movie and Teen Beach Movie and im gonna be honest, this is not like teen beach movie at all

-

The ocean is Lance’s happy place. When he sets his feet in the cold salt water, the tension in his body from the day or week flows out of him like how the ocean waves ebb against the shore. His feet sink into the sand and seep between his toes. It’s a natural massage to work out his anxieties. The breeze rushes off the horizon, tossing his hair and cooling the sweat on his forehead.

He stares at the glittering sun in the midday sun. It brings him relaxation and adrenaline all at once; the water lapping his ankles is his calming massage, but the waves crashing further ahead call his name as though they are a crowd of excited fans. Lance doesn’t surf professionally, preferring to keep his hobbies and his career separate, but that doesn’t mean he won’t get a rush from the beachgoers watching him tackle the unforgiving ocean.

He adjusts the board under his arm and takes a deep breath. He spares one glance over his shoulder at his friends waiting on the safe sand. Hunk waves at him enthusiastically from where he’s building an already impressive sand castle considering they only arrived ten or so minutes ago, and Pidge smiles from their lounge chair. Their massive umbrella protects their fair skin from burning at the slightest touch of the sun.

Lance turns back to face the waves. A big wave builds in the distance, too far for Lance to get to in time. It’s a promise of a thrilling challenge yet to come. He doesn’t waste any longer and strides out to join the people swimming out in the ocean.

The chill of the ocean is a fresh of breath air to him. Most people — Pidge — complain about the bite and sudden cold, but Lance has never been able to understand that reaction. It’s like a mint for bad breath, a shower after toiling in the mud, and a payday after two weeks of hard labor. He embraces the slap of the crystalline water as though it’s an old friend, which in some ways, it is.

He hoists himself stomach-first onto the board and drifts when his feet can no longer touch the ground. He’ll propel himself now and again to keep moving in the right direction, but for the most part, he stays stagnant on the water. Waves come and go as they please; a good one is harder to catch than a mediocre one, and a gnarly wave is the rarest of them all. Unfortunately, Lance is in the mood for something huge to make the adrenaline rushing through his veins worth it, so he has to wait a long time.

Honestly, it’s not so bad. As long as he’s in the ocean, he can’t feel the edges of impatience creeping up on him. The sound of the water’s ever-constant movement is a melody to his ears and a remedy for his greed. He can stare for hours at the way the sun reflects off the water in dazzling bursts of light. It’s a phenomenon that can’t be replicated even if all of history’s best painters rose from the dead to collaborate on recreating the scene.

It can’t capture the smell of salt and seaweed, the gentle caress of the water on his hands and calves, or the happy people screaming and splashing each other in the distance. Seagulls circle overhead and dive when they find a fish straying too close to the surface, or they find a human to harass for bread and chips. The heat of the day burns on Lance’s tanned skin, unrelenting even as the thin clouds attempt to diminish its power.

It’s Heaven on Earth. Michelangelo could never hope to replicate it.

Lance spies a wave rippling in the distance. The water ripples, and the frequency of the sloshes near his board change. His heart picks up pace, and his arms start working to get closer to the rising wall. After years of surfing, he can easily tell which waves will end in a disappointing, diffused heap, and which ones will create a loop so large Lance can stand inside.

A shadow overcasts the water that the wave rises over, and the rush of the moving water overpowers the loud beachgoers closer to shore. His world narrows to him, the wave, and his board. Lance forces his board and himself underneath the wave, the ocean completely encasing him in sea water. He stays there for a moment, salt and water burning his eyes and flowing against his closed lips. The sounds of the surface world are muffled, and he can only distinctly hear the gushing water.

When he’s about to break the surface, he spots a form under the water. Lance has had close encounters with sea creatures before — fish, crabs, jellyfish, and other rather unfriendly animals that didn’t appreciate a human traversing their home. He’s never been upset when they pinch, bite, or sting; he is the trespasser. The ocean is not his home.

He’s been near sharks before but in every single instance, it was in a more or less controlled environment. The sharks were small, freshwater, and used to human presence. Experienced divers kept their noses and teeth from ever getting within biting distance.

In the split second after, he breaks the surface with his board clutched in a white-knuckled grip. All he can see now is the very tip of the shark’s gray fin coming straight towards him.

“Shark!” He screams as loud as he can, and he climbs onto his board as quickly as he can. The wave is still moving, on the brink of collapsing in the great surge he’s been waiting for. They travel fast, faster than he hopes the shark is willing to go to keep up with him. It’s not going to be the surf that he wanted, but by God is it going to be the one he’s going to get. It’s ride-or-die, literally.

Hazily, he hears the blow of whistles and the revving of the lifeguards’ waterskis. His heart beats too hard in his chest, and it nearly overpowers the sounds of the restless ocean. His board wobbles underneath him, threatening to knock him off with the slightest misstep. He knows it's the panic setting into him that’s throwing him off but his running mind can’t help but associate it with the shark moving in the depths below him.

The shark produces a massive shadow underneath his board and rocks Lance off-balance. It’s slippery from being completely under the water, and his tingling feet prevent him from a steady grip. His arms flail in the area to pull him back on the center of the board.

He’s still screaming his head off when he falls. It’s not completely off — his body is still on, but his hips straddle the board and his legs plunge into the ocean. He tries to pull them back up, but he notices the wave has left him behind.

Then pain explodes in his right leg.

He thrashes against the board, attempting to use his full body weight to dislodge the shark off his leg. But it holds fast. Lance can see its body as more than just a shadow, now. Its nose sticks out of the water, and its huge body moves back and forth with all of the effort it has to pull him underneath the waves.

Lance can hardly think past the bite, how it sears his leg in the worst agony he’s ever felt. He’s been burned, stabbed in a fight, beaten to a bloody pulp, yet nothing compares to this. His skin rips and tears under the huge, sharp teeth of the shark. It takes all of his core strength to keep on the board and not tip over, which means leaning on the other side. It’s taking off his leg, it’s taking off his leg, but he has to sacrifice it if he wants to survive.

Blood comes up in smokey waves to pool around him and the shark, mixing with the white steaks and bubbles created by their fight. Lance lets go only temporarily to punch the animal directly in the nose, which actually gets it to let go. Its body torques and thrashes in the water. Lance uses the short opportunity to bring his leg onto his board.

Except it doesn’t come out of the water. His knee comes up, but the space where his calf and foot should be is occupied by the overflowing pour of blood and flesh. Tendrils of the tendons the shark couldn’t get ahold of swing in the open air. His white bone peaks out from his knee, a small numb in comparison to the long bone that should continue the skeleton.

He screams, and he screams when the shark launches to finish the job, and he’s still screaming when a pair of hands hoist him off of his board and out the shark’s bloody, snapping jaw. Its beady eyes flash in the open air, staring directly at its prey before it flops under the water once more. It breaks his board in half from the crash of its massive body directly down the center.

Lance’s voice is hoarse, and his sobs are uncontrollable as he stares at his leg. Or rather, the absence of it. It throbs like it's still there. The pink and red bits of his flesh fly off in the wind from the speed of the jet ski. The lifeguard is saying something to him, but he can’t hear it over the engine of the machine and the static in his ears.

He’s never going to surf again. He’s never going to be able to walk on his right leg again. Not as flesh and bone, but as a wooden peg, metal, a machine, nothing but the air. It should still be there. He can still feel it. Parts of it remain; his liquid and solid insides still flow and burst into the area where it should be. It should be there.

But it’s not, and it’s unbearably painful and all he can do is sob as the pain overtakes all of his senses. Salt flies into the gaping wound, filling up the space where his leg should be. 

Where his leg isn’t. Where it never will be.

He’s sobbing when the paramedics drag him into the waiting ambulance, and he’s reduced to whimpers as the sheer pain overrides his consciousness. Hunk cries with him and holds his hand, and Pidge can’t seem to stop screaming, either.

He passes out thinking about his leg. How it’s gone and never coming back. but still hurts all the same, still mocks him in its presentation of being real and attached to his body. He sees the pink, pulsing flesh peeling from his knee in thick strips behind his eyelids. He feels the warm, blood-infested water, and stares into the gaping jaws of the shark that claimed his leg.

Then, the deep, watery darkness of unconsciousness.

[just-fics-station]

okay. i read this. then re-read this a second time. and then properly comprehended it in the first.

sheesh, bro. you packed a lot in there, didn’t you!?

i love you for it but man are you going to annoy so many people with this one 😂

anyway, let’s get into it:

1) matt/darling lounging on the couch. it was just first paragraph before flashback, but i felt relaxed? and then the simmering tension between them made itself known with his looks every now and then. sir, you are, unfortunately, not the main man here. quit giving me these moments of utter calm but smiles that promise anything but. how very dare you?

2) that kiss (and whenever you roll out the whole scene) was everything. it was in true sense their dynamic. him very barely holding back on showing her exactly how much he enjoys her, and her trusting him to know that she isn’t ready for that yet. but their intensity is everything. dude, I already am down bad for this guy, I have to remind myself this isn’t who I’m supposed to fall for. tragic. but what a choice! i always get reminded of the moment when it was just an idea and you and me were freaking out about it.

3) he’s so careful with her tho? the soft touches bringing her back to present, keeping her focused and alive instead of lost in her complicated feelings. (ewan looming over like menacing presence. deep breathe. it’s hot, but man, chill out! she feared disappointing him. no, darling. love, you didn’t and couldn’t disappoint anyone for just letting go and allowing yourself a moment. get behind me darling I’ll protect you!)

4) my chest felt so tight during that talk. which i kinda am pissed at ewan for. one, there were better ways he couldn’t approached this instead of shaming her for something he set the parameters for. two, he was drunk? three, boy you should’ve dropped on her door step if you really wanted to talk it out and not gaslight her instead.

5) idk but matt’s now letting his feelings known. it’s nice to see him be protective but wow, that was a tad intense? idk if it was proper of him, but it kinda highlighted that him and everyone else can clearly see how encroaching and entitled ewan acts with her, even if he technically has no right to? it’s the same with phia. she’s called him out about it too. also, she had comfort. so yay.

6) that phone call itself. I’m glad ewan finally said that he wants everything with her. but it felt too little too late? like he said all the words, but the way he said them felt so wrong, especially in that moment. like he was just expecting her to say yes. like he realised he hurt her but wanted her to go along with him bc he loves her.

7) okay. see. he did turn up at her place. this is what he should’ve done. right from the start. right after the first few times of their arrangement. this was the sweet kiss they both deserved. this made me happy. but I was pumped for the confrontation.

8) ewan mitchell, part time event planner and decorator. his roof top dates obsession needs to be studied. he’s like that guy who had thought of ideal date or watched his fav characters from his fav movie go on one and stuck to it. promised himself that when he finds the one, he’ll take them on as many roof top dates as possible. honesty cute and points to him for doing this. i don’t want to read too much into him but something about rooftops being out in the open yet secluded in the world gives me ‘on top of my world, all to see but none to witness’ feels. his version of private dates.

9) they FINALLY talked!! i can breathe now. It was a long time coming. do I condone darling lying and making that decision for him? no. but he did it too. and under the assumption that it will work out well for him in the future. like nah, mate. one word, and many wouldn’t even consider you. it’s dirty but it’s business. at least now you have franchise. even if you have to sell the romance beyond the screen. and the fact that she tells him now, that she’d understand but never be okay with a PR relationship. ‘all to see but none to witness’ she’s going to end up getting most of the flak from people. and ewan didn’t consider that. Also, what was the point of suggesting she gives him a chance when he isn’t even going to be there make good on his word? he’s going to be swamped with work and other related commitments. Ewan, babe you’re gonna stress yourself out.

10) and wow, dude. you’re genuinely making matt/darling a thing, even if brief. but it’s going to be real now. bold move, mate. Im all for it. I feel he fits the type of genuinely caring and openly affectionate partner she needs in this moment. someone stable. and that she won’t just ditch him kinda made me sigh in relief bc I would’ve been mad if she just ditched him. fan reaction would be interesting. my heart goes out for all the ewan/darling triggers. they had 376188 edits waiting to be posted, what will they do with them now? i wanna see how feral and unhinged matt/darling stans get. also ik there’s a few brave matt/ewan fighting for their lives rn. especially after that joint interview they did during the cast shoots.

11) I wanted to laugh at the last line. So bad. bc matt coined it first. like ewan’s stealing from, but not. and his jealousy will always be hilarious. he’s impossible and incredibly funny to me when he gets all ‘grrrr mine’ like okay pookie. put the plastic butter knife down and drink your juice.

This was a dramatic chapter. And for that you deserve a long forehead kiss. Thank you for this delicious meal. I enjoyed every second of it. I was tuned in like a new episode of my fave tv soap dropped.

can’t wait for the extra stuff. but but but since we all know what THAT poll result was, will we finally have a nocturnal files??

chemical override (9)

Ewan Mitchell x actress!reader

a/n: this was tricky to write I won't lie. I wanted it to be sweet but not unrealistic. Tension and angst filled but fair to our protagonists who have struggled through a lot. Oh well, you'll see. Enjoy!

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We find out what happened at the end of the reader's date with Matt. Can Ewan and his darling still mend their rift or will things be too far gone?

Matt sits next to you on your couch, as you enjoy one of his favourite films on the TV. He’s close – not too close that he’s flush against you – but enough that you can feel the warmth radiating from him. His arm is casually draped on the back of the seat, and his other hand often reaches up to run through his perfectly tousled hair.

As the film plays on, you can’t help but remember the intensity of last night’s kiss. Every time he turns to you, his disarming smile draws your gaze to his lips, lingering on the memory of their softness. 

The kiss had grown heated, leading him to press your back against your door. With a soft, frustrated growl, he had fished your forgotten key from your hand, unlocking your front door himself, while keeping a firm grip on your face, as if afraid the moment would fade if he let go. 

“Come here, love,” he had half-demanded, half-pleaded once you both entered the apartment. In a swift motion, he had picked you up in his arms and threw you down on the couch – the very same couch you two are lounging on right now. His touch had been intoxicating, his lips trailing hungry kisses down your neck while his hands roamed eagerly over your chest, your hips, and eventually, your backside. His muffled moans brought a heat to your core that almost made you let go and abandon all your inhibitions. Yet, as if on autopilot, or perhaps due to the image of a certain someone lingering in your mind, you pressed a hesitant hand to his chest and asked him to wait. 

His pupils were shot black, his lips swollen red, revealing the depth of his desire. He had reluctantly complied, burying his face in your neck and releasing a frustrated laugh that rumbled through his chest. You could see it - the figure of Ewan standing in the corner, arms crossed and lips curled in disappointment. Tsk tsk, he seemed to chide, leaning against the wall, judging you.

Oh sod off, you almost grumbled aloud, covering it up by running a hand down your face. This is my moment. 

And that moment came and went. The night had drifted away as you and Matt talked for hours, the connection deepening with each passing minute. He left early in the morning with a promise to return in the evening, bearing food and wine. “I just enjoy being in your company,” he had shared, and he was true to his word. 

Now, as he reaches for your bare knee, you thank your lucky stars that you chose to wear shorts.

“Where were you just then?” he asks, his smile playful.

“Hmm?” 

“You were lost to me for a moment there,” he says, eyes sparkling with curiosity. “Care to share what occupies your thoughts?”

Your phone buzzes on the side table, cutting through the tension. It’s a sudden lifeline – an excuse not to come up with some witty response that doesn’t reveal how fixated you had been on the kiss that nearly turned into something more carnal. Or how it had been the thought of Ewan that kept you from pulling him into your bedroom. 

You give Matt a look, silently telling him to hold on a moment, then you glance down at the screen which displays that all-too-familiar Ewan One-Eye, and you realise that you might need a longer while.

Matt raises an eyebrow. “Are you going to get that?” His tone is light and teasing, but something darker flashes across his gaze, something you haven’t seen in him before – it seemed like suspicion, or maybe even jealousy. 

You push it out of your mind, convinced you are just getting ahead of yourself.

You try to match the intensity of his gaze for a second before letting out a sigh. “Yeah, give me a minute.”

“A minute,” he echoes, index finger held up as if to confirm your time limit. 

With the phone pressed to your ear, you retreat into your bedroom, leaving the door open just an inch. Your hello barely stumbles from your lips before the familiar sound of Ewan’s voice greets you, rougher than usual.

“Darling,” he breathes, his voice low and raspy, “I think we need to talk.”

His tone is sombre, so unlike the usual cadence of your late-night calls, made for the usual purpose of making good on the arrangement. Those calls inevitably result in the two of you stumbling blind into the night, tangled in sheets and each other’s arms. 

“What is it?” you respond, unable to mask your nerves.

“About us,” he says, his voice slurring somewhat. Is he drunk? “We need to talk about us,” he repeats, as if he needs to convince himself just as much.

“What do you mean?” you ask quickly, getting defensive. You have a feeling that this isn’t going to end well. “What is there to talk about?”

“You know exactly what,” he snaps, unable to keep his emotions in check. “This… whatever we are.”

“Do we have to do this now?”

“Yes, now. Why not? You’re not busy, are you?”

“No�� no, but – ”

“Okay then,” he presses on. “Let’s talk. I’ll start with… the fact that it didn’t sit right with me, seeing you on that date with Matt.”

“How did you see – ” The realisation dawns on you. “ – of course. Photogs.”

“Like I need their photos to know what’s happening. I know it was a date,” he spits, each word laced with frustration. 

You shut your eyes for a moment, trying not to let him get a rise out of you. “Yes, because I told you. I’m not hiding anything, Mitchell.”

“Is that supposed to make it better?” His voice rises, the bitterness sharper now. “You think honesty makes it hurt any less? You’re everywhere with him. It’s like... you don’t even care.”

The ache in his voice catches you off guard. You clench the phone, fighting back the surge of guilt threatening to overwhelm you, reminding yourself that you have nothing to feel guilty about. “What do you want me to do, Ewan? Push everyone away? Completely ignore this person who shows me genuine interest? Is that what you expect?”

“Stop,” he interrupts, his voice cracking slightly. “Just... stop.”

“You’re the one who made the rules, remember?” you snap, your own anger rising to meet his. “You were the one who said I wouldn’t be yours. That’s exactly what I’m doing. Not being yours.”

“Fuck,” he hisses under his breath, “I know that.”

“Then why are you acting like this? Like I’m betraying you?”

“Because,” he says finally, his voice raw, trembling. “Because I want you to be mine. Goddamn it, I want you to be.”

The air leaves your lungs in a single, sharp exhale, your heart pounding in your chest. You stand frozen, the words echoing in your mind, too much and too little all at once.

“What?” The word barely makes it past your lips, but it’s all you can manage.

A hollow laugh escapes him, strained and bitter. “It was stupid of me to say otherwise,” he murmurs. “I never stopped wanting you, not once. Not since you first smiled at me. I’ve always been yours.”

The confession hangs between you, finally out in the open. You let out a pained breath, and grip the phone tighter, needing to anchor yourself to something.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Ewan,” you whisper.

“Say you’ll let me fix this,” he breathes. “Say you want me too.”

Your mind reels, torn between the ache for him and the reality that Matt is waiting just outside the door. But in this moment, it’s Ewan’s voice that consumes you – the yearning in his voice, the raw confession of someone who’s done with pretending not to care. 

“I – ”

“Hey, love.” Matt’s voice cuts through your thoughts like a blade, and you see him casually leaning against the doorframe. His tone is light, but the look in his eyes says he knows something is off. “I thought we said one minute.”

“Who’s that?” Ewan’s sharp question cracked through the phone.

“It’s – ”

“Why don’t you kindly tell Ewan that it’s rude to keep you from company?” Matt approaches slowly, his voice growing more pointed with every step.

“Matt?” Ewan’s voice is icy, his frustration palpable even through the phone. “Matt’s there?”

“Hey there, mate!” Matt calls out, loud enough for Ewan to hear, his tone overly cheerful, completely at odds with the atmosphere thickening in the room.

Your stomach clenches. The situation is getting out of hand. Fast. 

“Your date was yesterday,” Ewan mutters, the pieces starting to fall into place. “Did he stay the night? Is that why he’s still there? Did you – ”

“Yes,” you blurt out, the truth tumbling from your lips before you can stop it. Panic flashes through you. “I mean, yes, he stayed the night, but it’s not what you think – ”

“I don’t think you owe him an explanation, love.” Matt’s voice drops into a low whisper, leaning into you as if staking his claim. 

Ewan’s voice darkens, the sarcasm biting. “Not what I think? Really? So... what? He didn’t touch you? He didn’t – ” His words falter, but you can feel the unspoken questions twisting the knife deeper. Did he fuck you? Did he lay in your bed, his arms around you? Did he touch what was mine?

You feel the heat rise to your face, the sting of his accusations sharper than you expected. “Listen, Ewan, we just went on a date, that’s all. He came back to mine, but we didn’t – ”

“I get it,” he cuts you off., the bitterness dripping from his words. “I understand, darling. Like you said, this is what I signed up for. Who am I to stop you?”

“That’s not fair,” you whisper. “You can’t make me feel wretched for simply going – ”

“For what? For living your life?” Ewan interrupts, his tone bitter but resigned. “I told you I wouldn’t stand in your way. So go on, enjoy it. I’ll leave you to it.”

“Ewan,” you sigh, blind to Matt’s disapproving look. “Just wait.”

Ewan’s voice is soft now, almost too soft, like he’s already slipping away. “It’s alright,” he murmurs, but the hollow sound of his reassurance feels like a knife twisting deeper. “We’ll talk another time.”

The line between you feels like it’s fraying, each second stretching longer, heavier, with neither of you able to say what you really mean.

“Okay,” you whisper, though it feels like a surrender.

“Okay,” he echoes, the finality settling in the silence that follows. 

For a few excruciating seconds, neither of you hangs up. You can hear his breathing – steady but strained – and in your mind, you see his face, that familiar frustrated pout tugging at his lips, the way his jaw clenches when he’s trying to hold something back.

But Matt is standing right there, his gaze piercing through the quiet moment you’re desperately clinging to. With a trembling hand, you lower the phone, ending the call. 

“Sorry, Smithy,” you weakly smile, in considerably lower spirits than before you entered your bedroom.

Matt studies you for a moment, his face unreadable, and the weight of everything you’ve left unsaid presses down on your shoulders. “No need to apologise, love,” he says, gently slinging an arm around you and pulling you to him. “Let’s go, you’re missing the best parts of the film.”

The next day, the events from the previous night still weighed down on you. Ewan’s words echo in your mind when you go about your routine. 

When you wake up and brush your teeth – “Darling, I think we need to talk.”

When you make your cup of morning joe and help yourself to some breakfast – “... I want you to be mine.”

When you try to focus on the scripts for season three, settling into the worn comfort of your couch. – “Say you’ll let me fix this. Say you want me too.”

By late afternoon, a call with Phia offers some reprieve. You confide in her about the recent happenings with Ewan and Matt. She alludes to being in contact with Ewan, and ‘making sure his head is screwed on straight’.

“He can’t be like this,” she passionately exclaims. “He can’t act all macho and possessive when he’s been treating you like a throwaway lay in the sack. I mean, no offence, I love you but you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” you laugh despite yourself, already feeling lighter.

“You do you, my darling,” she reassures, before reminding you, “But listen, he told you his truth. More or less. I think it’s your turn to tell him what you really think, don’t you?”

“You’re right, Phi,” you admit quietly. “I guess I’ll have to start from the beginning.”

An hour after the call, you find yourself laying down on your bed. Sansa, curled up on Ewan’s side, is doing little to help. She nestles on top of his pillow, her paws digging into the soft fabric as if to anchor herself to his memory. Either it’s due to the events that transpired, or your mind is playing tricks on you, but she reminds you of Ewan with each passing day. 

Ewan, with whom she quickly decided to replace you as her favourite human the moment she got a good sniff of his hoodie. 

She meows softly, as if privy to your thoughts, as if to say that she misses him too. The little squishball of a traitor. 

Then she suddenly raises her head, in that feline manner of being alert to something that eludes you. She scrambles out of the bed, her small form darting out of the room with a purpose, her persistent meows filling the apartment. You’re about to tell her to shush, when the buzzer rings. Your heart skips a beat. Someone has been let up already – someone familiar enough to bypass the usual formalities. 

You pad to the door in your worn pyjamas, exchanging a knowing glance with Sansa, who waits by the entrance like a sentinel.

“Meow,” your turncoat companion looks at you briefly, then at the door. Open the door, you silly human, is what you’re certain she would demand if she could form the words. 

“I know, I know.” She follows close behind as you unlock your door to reveal your visitor. Sansa’s favourite person in the entire world. 

When the door swings open, there he is – Ewan One-Eye. Standing tall in his black leather jacket and worn jeans, his hair returned to his natural, darker shade you prefer on him. Your breath hitches, your gaze dropping to the delicate bouquet of white roses he holds in one hand.

“Hello, darling,” he murmurs, that familiar smile tugging at his lips. “I come bearing a white flag.”

Before you can respond, Sansa lets out an elated meow, bounding toward him like he’s a long-lost friend. Ewan snorts softly. “Hey, Sansa,” he greets her, crouching slightly to give her a small scratch behind the ears. Then, with a glance up at you, he adds, “Think you can convince your mum to let daddy inside?”

You roll your eyes, unable to fight the smile that’s already tugging at your lips. One smile from him and your resolve is at risk of unravelling completely. 

“A white flag, huh?” you ask, stepping aside to let him in. But you barely have time to close the door before he leans in, catching you by surprise with a firm kiss. It’s not rushed or desperate, but there’s a weight to it – a need that hums beneath the surface.

When he pulls back, you realise he’s slipped the bouquet into your hand. You stare down at the roses, his symbolic white flag.

“These are for you,” he says, his voice soft but insistent, his eyes searching yours. “I, uhhh, I wanted to apologise for being… you know.”

“A dick,” you tease, raising an eyebrow. “I know.”

He scoffs, shaking his head with a small grin. “Well, don’t hold back, darling. But yes, I shouldn’t have gotten on your case over… him.”

“Him?” you ask playfully. “Don’t worry about it, One-Eye. I always knew you and your uncle had bad blood.”

His eyes narrow, his smirk faltering for a second, and you watch as his gaze flickers down your body, slowly taking in the sight of you in your comfortable attire. It’s a familiar look – the way his eyes sweep over every patch of exposed skin with barely veiled hunger. Normally, he would’ve made a move by now, reached out to brush a stray lock of hair behind your ear, or run his thumb lightly across your bottom lip. But today, his gaze lingers longer than usual – right at your neck and exposed collarbones, like he’s searching for something. Or someone else's unwelcome mark.

You can practically see the gears turning in his head, the surge of jealousy he’s trying so hard to suppress. But the way his jaw tightens gives him away.

“Why aren’t you dressed?” he asks casually, breaking the silence.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh well, this is fine, I suppose.” He shrugs, eyes flashing with mischief. “You look beautiful in pyjamas… or a fucking ball gown.”

“Wait, what are you talking about?” 

“I’m taking you out. We’re going on a date, my darling.”

You openly gape at him, stunned by the sudden shift of events. “I’m sorry, did I miss your memo or – ”

“It’s a surprise,” he cheekily grins. “So, you know… surprise! And all that.” 

You cross your arms, trying to suppress the warmth blooming in your chest. “So you’re fine with taking me out on dates now?”

“Mhmm.” He takes another step, and his voice drops lower, the teasing edge in it sharp enough to make your breath catch. “I realised you deserve a little more than I’ve been giving. The bloody arrangement we have isn’t enough for me. It never has been. I’ve been too stupid to see it, and maybe I’ve got competition now, but you better believe that I’m not backing down easily.” 

He leans in slightly, adding in a sarcastic tone, “Especially not to Daemon Targaryen.”

“Took you this long to come to your senses, huh.” you say, biting back a smile. “It took another man successfully sweeping me off my feet – ”

“Okay, now,” he looks away, his lips curling. “No need to rub it in.” 

You can’t help but laugh softly at his wounded pride. “So what now?” you ask. 

“Why don’t you let me sweep you off your feet this time?” he offers. “With each and every single string attached.”

He offers something real, something more. Something resembling what you once shared, and perhaps even better this time. 

“Fine. I’ll get dressed,” you relent, backing toward your bedroom.

“Can I watch?” The boy has the audacity to call after you, his signature smirk in full display. 

“Ewan Robert Mitchell,” you click your tongue in mock disapproval, eyes narrowing at him, “why don’t you buy me dinner first?”

The cab rolls to a stop in front of a familiar modernised brownstone, and you turn to look at him suspiciously. “You brought me back to your place?”

Without a word, he slides out of the cab, quickly ambling to your side and opening the door for you. “My lady.” He offers his hand and you take it with an amused look in your eyes, still awaiting an explanation.

You ask again, “Mitchell, did you just lure me back to your apartment?”

“Yes, you’ve cracked it,” he smirks. “But don’t worry, I won’t just be seducing you into my bed. As tempting as that might be.”

He leads you inside, and when you step into the elevator, you notice he presses the button for the topmost floor – not his apartment. Your brow furrows. “What are you up to, Mitchell?”

“Patience is a virtue, darling,” he quips, his hand massaging the small of your back. 

The elevator dings to signal that you’ve reached your floor. He says, “Remember our first date? Up on that roof in LA?”

“How could I forget?”

“Well, I thought we could pay tribute to that memory.” The doors open and you’re met with the sight of a breathtaking rooftop pavilion, softly lit with hanging lights strung between metal beams, casting a golden glow that dances across the polished stone floor. It feels like an amplified echo of your first date, everything sharper and more vivid.

A small table for two sits in the centre, adorned with candles and more flowers, the atmosphere far more intimate. A bottle of wine sits in the centre, already uncorked, with two delicate crystal glasses waiting beside it. 

You blink, surprised and touched. “You did all this?”

He comes up behind you, his hands resting on your shoulders, his breath warm against your ear. “Did you really think I’d just settle for my couch and Netflix?”

“Honestly? I did,” you tease, leaning back slightly into him.

He chuckles, low and deep. “Well, I have to keep you on your toes, don’t I?” Then, more seriously, he adds, “I wanted to make up for weeks of mere stolen moments, you know?”

He moves to stand in front of you, and he asks, “Do you think I could steal a kiss, darling?” he asks, still teasing, but with an undertone of vulnerability. Do you like it? Do you approve of everything? his eyes seemed to say.

Slowly, you close the gap, your lips brushing his in the softest of touches.

It’s tentative at first, as if testing the waters, but then his hand comes up to cradle the side of your face, deepening the kiss. There’s no more teasing now, just raw, unfiltered emotion in the way his lips move against yours.

“I guess I didn’t need to steal it after all,” he whispers, a hint of a smile in his voice.

“No,” you say, mirroring his expression, “that one was all yours, baby.”

After dinner, which was nothing short of extraordinary – Ewan had gone all out, employing the exclusive restaurant from the ground floor of the building to cater the night’s meal – the two of you settle into the rooftop’s plush seating area. 

The conversation shifts naturally, easing into shared memories and playful banter. You both laugh about that disastrous karaoke night during your first press tour together, and how he barely made it through his favourite ‘For Whom The Bell Tolls’ without collapsing into a fit of embarrassed and drunken giggles. Tom, of course, relentlessly made fun of him for it, stepping into his role like an actual older brother. 

You wish you could stay in these moments, ignoring all the things left unsaid. But the weight of those things hangs heavy, demanding to be addressed.

“Listen, I have to tell you something.” The words almost catch in your throat as you search for the right way to begin.

“What is it, darling?”

“When I… When I broke things off between us, I wasn’t entirely honest with you. I know I said I wanted you to take on the film, and I did, I really did. But when I mentioned that thing about Jacob, about wanting to see where things would go with him, about feeling something for him… none of that was true. I just needed to say something that would convince you. Something that would keep you away, and hopefully change your mind about taking on the film.”

His expression turns stony. “You lied to me.”

“I lied for you,” you say, trying to keep your voice firm. “I know how important acting is for you. It’s been your dream ever since you can remember, and I didn’t want you to jeopardise that dream for my sake.”

“That wasn’t your choice to make,” he snaps, his voice tight with frustration. “I gave that up for us.”

“I never asked you to!” you nearly shout, the weight of it all spilling over. “You did that for me, I know you did. And you didn’t even tell me.”

“I would do it all again. I would make that same choice again. For you.”

“You made that choice all about me, without even consulting me,” you shoot back, the hurt evident in your voice. “If something went wrong with your career, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Knowing that I caused it.”

“You wouldn’t have,” he says, shaking his head, “But you were wrong to lie to me.”

“And you were wrong in not including me in your decision,” you retort, the back and forth bickering reminding you of playground taunting.

“So? You did the exact same thing.”

“I guess we’re both fucking hypocrites, aren’t we? Anyway, things fell into place. You’re all set for that franchise. And soon you have to play at being in love with someone else.”

“I don’t want to – ” he starts, but you cut him off. 

“You’re not quitting,” you say in finality, “Not for me.”

“Look at you now making decisions for me. How bloody generous of you,” he says venomously, all traces of softness gone from his voice. 

You stand in a huff, unable to take the arrogance he is showing you. 

The silence that follows is heavy, almost unbearable. It’s a silence filled with the unspoken frustrations and regrets of two people who thought they had control over the situation, only to find themselves in a web that is already far too tangled.

“I’m sorry,” he says, now standing close behind you.

“I’m sorry too,” you echo his sentiment weakly, casting your gaze to the night sky to find some solace and finding none. The only comfort would be in his eyes, but they might be a bit too cold for your liking at the moment. 

“I have to be in LA in a week,” he says in a flat line. “Pre-production for the film.”

“Ewan… I can’t just stand by while you have to be someone’s pretend boyfriend. We both know that these things have a way of making things messy.”

“Hmm,” he says, blankly staring out into the distance. “It's too late for me to quit anyway. Already signed on the dotted line.”

“So I guess we both know where we stand.”

“I guess we do,” he responds, his tone almost resigned.

“Matt asked me to be his date to his friend’s film screening,” you reveal, “and I think I’ll go.”

“Do you really… you and him, is that… ?” His question hangs in the air, fraught with unspoken jealousy and hope.

“I do like him,” you admit, holding back from the expanded truth, the addition of ‘but I love you’. 

“And you’re not just lying again for my sake?” he presses, eyes locking onto yours.

You glare at him. “Really?”

“Right,” he mutters, his shoulders slumping. “My bad.”

“I wish I could say I’m sorry for proposing no strings attached between us,” he starts, turning to face you, his voice tinged with regret. “Maybe I am, because I see now how it hurt you. But the truth is, I needed you – desperately. I needed you, but I couldn’t let go of my pride. I don’t regret having you, feeling you, holding you... even if it was all wrapped in that fucking mess. It was all I could manage, darling, and I’m sorry.”

You don’t even notice the stray tear that slips down your cheek, but Ewan is quick to brush it off with his thumb. His eyes also well with tears, and he smiles ruefully. 

You keep his hand pressed to your face, shutting your eyes for a moment. He leans in until his forehead meets yours, and the two of you stay there, two hearts hanging on the line.

“So you’ll go,” you say.

“I’ll be back in a few weeks,” he replies.

“We’ll be okay, Mitchell,” you say, leaning back to look at him. No matter what, in whatever capacity, you want Ewan in your life. Even if circumstances dictate that you can’t be with him. 

“Hmm.” His gaze sharpens. “And Matt? What about him?”

You hesitate, grappling with the truth that you’re not even certain of. “I can’t just push him aside. I owe it to myself to see where things go.”

He sneers, his eyes narrowing. “You think a few weeks away will change how I feel? If you want to explore things with him, fine, but don’t expect me to just back down.”

You meet his gaze with equal intensity. “And don’t think that things will just magically fall right back into place between us.”

“No.” He nods just the once. “But remember something, darling.”

“What is that, Mitchell?”

“You were my Alyna first.”

Taglist: @namelesslosers @skymoonandstardust @valyrianflower @luckyfirebasement @omgsuperstarg @elissanatok @callsignwidow @sinistersnakey49 @darkwriteracademia @yyrzmomo @queenofshinigamis @luvaerina @shamelessblazecrown @mirandastuckinthe80s @elleinex0x0 @pierrotlu @aegonswife @strangersunghoon @lunampacheco @writer-ann-artist @gaiaea @of-swords-and-words @ateliefloresdaprimavera @m00n5t0n3 @helaenaluvr @peachysunrize @annie-ruk @luvly-writer @ananas26t @athenafaes @lovelyteenagebeard @mamawiggers1980 @moongirl27 @katherine93 @barnes70stark @justbelljust @cloudroomblog @somestufftoday @esposadomd @girl-in-the-chairs-void @insideyourimagination @vyctorya @wildrangers @onlyrealjoy @hotdismylife @thepurplecrown @just-fics-station @clarkysblog @urmomsgirlfriend1 @misfitbimbosblog (continued in comments ... )

Some notes in the margins...

When I said sweet, I hope you know that this is what I meant. Sweet.. and bitter, essentially. Like a good cocktail. A balance is needed 🍸

Cut scenes include whippets, TGC, and the next Matt x darling outing which is mentioned at the end here. You'll see those in part 10.

Well, well, well... now that everything has been laid out on the line, it's open frickin season, babies!!! Anything can happen. Woohoo 🤍

PS. this doesn't show the true outcome of THE poll (which I have already made up my mind over). That's still to be written. Watch out :)

[krs724490]

1/24/2023

how much I want for myself! how much I have evolved! how much is still stuck - how much is moving. I cant even really fathom all of it. its all a jumble in my mind bc I no longer evaluate so hard. there is a girl inside me with the will power and strength of a true dragon. the girl who edges towards something more and doesnt flinch away from it knowing she can handle it, knowing it is in her blood to act this way. to do the hard thing. to have the strong backbone. This is how I would describe her:

-she is more hard than soft

-she has a strong backbone/posture

-her chin is up, her jaw is sharp

-her gaze is steady & unflinching

-she is strong, she can feel her muscles

-she leans towards work, wouldn’t think of shying away

-she stands up for herself no questions

-relishes in the hard work

-relentless, unstoppable, limitless, no doubts, pure strength, maximal seriousness

-she does pull ups at APE

-she glides across the floor effortlessly, smoothly, landing softly as her movement evolves

-she doesnt hesitate in freestyle movement, she trusts herself to take her where she needs to go

-she holds a deep squat, toes pointed forward, without shifting

-she hangs from the bar as if she could hang there all day

-she holds herself to a higher standard, and doesn’t flinch when she rises up to meet it bc of course

-she classes classes at high ride that wake. people. up.

-she has a strong voice that comes deep from her core, that commands, and demands to be heard

-she is a strong rider, it appears effortless for her to hold her pace

-she meditates with such a calm fierceness, it erupts through her like a volcanic avalanche that takes out every worn in path

-she has enough ego to present herself in a way that she is proud to move about the world

-she shaves, washes, gets tattoos re-touched, and maintains

-she is an amazing parter, understanding and loyal, patient, willing

-she doesn’t fidget with social media too much, she reaches for it at sensible times and doesnt move with compulsion

-she steadies herself constantly

-she prepares for and teaches a damn good yoga class

-she is completely inevitable in every way, and yet also far enough away to need to be jolted into existance

-she is the middle way

-she is her own greatest piece of art, the way she moves about herself

-she has a dragon tattoo that runs down her spine, to remind her of the time where she needed to loose her dragon in order to realize she still had it in her

-her core, her will power, is strong and there is no sway in her low back because of it.

-she is a w a k e

I love her dearly and I thank God for her presence every day. Here are some practices that draw her closer:

-saying HAH while squeezing core

-drinking a fuck ton of water - big BIG gulps

-bringing my elixers - tea and kombucha to keep the liquid flowing

-heavy meal prep

-adding more resistance

-holding the sprint beat

-pushing for 1 more rep

-asking to do something harder at APE

-meditating at times when she doesn’t want to

-closing eyes + going inward

-deep, genuine breaths

-finding a tall spine to keep energy running through

-spreading kindness and telling ppl you notice/appreciate them

-remembering dragons, pixies, magic

-reading

-feeling bshumavneswari

Being relentless in her pursuit of herself and therefore the divine. seeking out opportunities to prove to herself the divinity that is inside and getting energy from those places.

[ellcrys]

Y’ALL there isn’t a gif in existence that encompasses my rage right now

I can’t remember the last time I was literally ready to throw hands with a piece of software

[illegal-spiegel]

if u ever have the time I’d love to read some of your HCs about what spike would be like with his newborn kid/the mom since I was kind of obsessed with your pregnant reader hcs🥹 love your work!

YES OMG ANON YOURE SO SMART ILY MWAH

Read previous parts to this here or specifically this one!

well, you heard the man!

he wants to be there for his kid!

so bc he knows absolutely nothing about children other than they’re annoying, they cry for everything, and they’re a pain in the ass

he gets lots of baby and parenting books

after reading a few books, he learns something

he’s not going to be a good dad

he’s going to be the best dad, god dammit!

you’ve never seen him so fired up and focused before

this man is dedicated

definitely the type of s/o that is constantly worrying and fretting over you (he already lowkey did that before you were preggers, but now it’s like he’s on overdrive)

he legit thinks you’re made of glass, on god

he basically becomes super clingy and won’t leave you alone for two seconds 

sit him down and talk to him all you want about giving you personal space, it’ll just go in one ear and out the other 

“Okay, babe. I promise I’ll give you more space.” my ass

he goes on any and all missions with you, even if it’s just to get more food or to seal a deal with someone 

it doesn’t matter. He’s there, babyyyyy

okay but like he actually becomes like super sweet and it kinda scares you bc normally he’s...well, Spike

Mr. I-Don’t-Need-Anyone-Or-Anything is now Mr. BaBy-WhErE-ArE-yOu-GoInG-dO-YoU-NeEd-HeLp

okay but no fr he’s so sweet tho 

grabs anything and everything for you, rubs your feet, presses his ear to your belly, will literally travel across the universe for you if you told him there was smth there for your unborn child 

he’s really hoping for a boy 

don’t get it twisted though. In front of the others, he acts all aloof and as if he doesn’t care

they all know better though

they even pull pranks on him 

“Spike, (Y/n) needs you in th-”

he’s already gone

you always grow confused when he suddenly appears panting and looking frantic 

“What is it? What do you need? Are you okay? Is the baby coming?” 

ah, so it was Faye again 

“Babe...I’m not going into labor for another six weeks...”

just stops dead in his tracks and sighs, realizing he’s been bamboolozed once again

Faye - 7, Spike - 2

he takes you to all your appointments in the Swordfish

every. single. one. 

he never misses one 

he even goes so far to play music for your unborn baby and reads to you both 

stop im literally going to cry

yeah well, imagine his fear when you actually do go into labor 

it’s actually kinda a funny story (not to him tho)

he was out on a mission by himself (bc Jet promised to keep an eye on you) when it happens

when he gets a call and sees Faye, he instantly rolls his eyes

“What is it?” 

“(Y/n)’s going into labor!” she screeches

his heart rate instantly spikes (haha-) but he quickly calms down

“Haha, very funny, Faye. Now fuck of-”

“I’m not kidding!”

“Sure you aren-”

“Babe! Get your ass here or I’ll kill you myself!” 

his eyes go wide at the sound of your voice, his hands instantly jerking his controls to the right to turn himself around 

“I’ll be right there! Just hold on!” 

“Don’t tell me what to do!” He can’t help but smile at that. You’re always so feisty. He likes that in a woman. His woman

“There’s no time for you to meet us here. We’re taking her to the nearest hospital on the Hammer Head!” Jet calls somewhere off screen

“Yeah, right, okay! Uh, just send me your coordinates when you get there!” 

he makes it there practically as soon as you arrive

he definitely broke some laws just to get to you 

“I’m here, baby. I’m right here. Deep breaths,” he says softly to you, pushing your hair out of your sweaty face

he’s there for the entire thing, offering you whatever you need to make the experience easier for you 

imagine his surprise when you have a girl instead 

he cuts the umbilical cord and holds his baby girl in his arms 

he definitely doesn’t cry shut up Jet

“Uh, can I hold the child I just spent hours pushing out of me now?” 

“Yeah, yeah, in a sec...” he absent-mindedly replies, holding the baby to his chest and cooing at the sweet bundle in his arms

sigh, is definitely that parent that spoils his kid. You can’t tell me I’m wrong 

will buy any and everything for his baby girl don’t play 

he will let you pick the name for the baby (it only seems fair after what you had to go through to bring the little bundle of joy into the world) 

if you want his two cents though, he thinks the name Roxanne or Dani would be cool 

if you joke about naming her Faye, he will literally walk out on protest ✋

no matter what though, he’s going to be there for every step of the way with taking care of your baby <3

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MASTERLIST

More with Spike Spiegel 

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