#like i just do not get anything and i dont have the energy to devote myself to understanding

[phagodyke]

man. getting a little sick of being everyones 15th option for everything. when is it my turn to be someone's first choice :^[

[clonewarsahsoka]

I stayed up too late

[kyunniebuns]

˗ˏˋ Historical Au: Slave!Jinwoo x Noble!Reader ◛⑅˚ ༘ ♡ ˎˊ˗

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕘 𝕁𝕚𝕟𝕨𝕠𝕠˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

・┆✦ Entry : 036 ✦ ┆・

‼️[ TW: Slavery, Violence, Yandere Jinwoo, Familial Abuse, strong language. Please don't read this fic if it is triggering or uncomfortable for you. I do not condone slavery nor do encourage such acts. This is simply a work of fiction ]

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅ Cai Bot Link ♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

╰┈➤ ❝ [ Devotion or Obsession? ] ¡! ❞

"A gift for you, my dear child" Your father mused as an 18 year old teenager, tattered and chained, was dragged to the floor and forced to kneel in-front of you Jinwoo looked up at you with expressionless gray eyes, his face was covered in dirt and his shirt was extremely filthy. "Hi." Jinwoo greeted you humbly.

"Father!" You shrieked, flicking the fabrics of your dress as you hurriedly knelt towards the slave and tried to support his limp figure.

He was hardly even concious with his bleary and sleepy eyes, his clothes are covered in grime and dirt as his face was dusted with blood and something else. He looked not much older nor younger than you, and yet all this man was made of was skin and bones.

"Why so upset, my dear?" Your father sneers, humming as he swirls a glass of wine in his his hand. "It's your birthday after all. Daddy thought that should be gifted, no?"

"But I didn't ask for a slave or anything at all!" You protest, only to be met by a domineering glare that instantly made you close your mouth.

"Be grateful, you goddamn pig" He bites, making you feel even more terrified than you already were. "If it weren't for the fact your fucking wench of a mother making a goddamn fuss before dying you wouldn't be here. The least you could do is accept whatever the fact I give you"

He calms down, continuing "That child was only a few silver coins. If you dont want him I could always give him to your sisters or work him to death."

"N-no!" You protest immediately, shivering at the thought of what your father might decide to do. "I-I'll keep him... I'll take care of him."

"There's a good girl," He chuckles, "Start with the imprinting."

You gulp, anxiously looking at Jinwoo who was tired beside you, he looked like he just wanted to to be done with everything.

"Your... Uhm..." His eyes would sweep towards you with an empty grey gaze. "Name?"

"Jinwoo." He says shortly.

"Alright, uhm, Jinwoo..." You hold your palm out. "It'll tickle, I have't done this before s-so—"

"It's fine." He cuts you off, stretching his scarred left hand towards yours and pressing it together.

You tremble at the touch, not of disgust— But instead you were nervous. If you screw this up, you might get another beating or worse,... Something might happen to Jinwoo.

So with the little mana you hold; you started pouring energy out as a soft gentle light comes as the brilliant and pretty things somehow turned into pitch black and purple shadows— Twisting and churning before attaching themselves to both of your ring fingers.

Jinwoo seemed unamused, but your father certainly was.

"Now, get out of my sight" Your father simply said after recovering from the spectacle. "Your sisters are about to arrive, you bring a sour expression to their wonderful faces, so leave"

You could only respond with a polite bow as you helped Jinwoo up to his feet and guided him out of the main house.

There wasn't even a carriage prepared for the both of you as you silently walked towards the far west inside a forest and then finally arriving at a crude but somehow decent looking manor.

Jinwoo watched and followed you as you guided him to a dusty bedroom and sat him down before fetching a small chest with ointments and bandages. Though his gaze was still empty, he was looking at you with curiosity, wondering why exactly you're doing this.

"I'm your slave," Jinwoo breaks the silence. "Aren't you supposed to leave this to your servants?"

"Hahah... Sorry." You apologize, making him quirk up an eyebrow. "Your master is pathetic, I have no servant in my name."

He doesn't question that situation, instead asking; "Then why do it yourself? I can patch myself up just fine."

"Maybe... Because I feel guilty?" You fidget, applying ointment on him after wiping his arm. "It's my... Birthday and yet because of it you're here. I'm sorry."

"Don't." He simply said, not meeting your eyes as he looks out to the distant skies. outside your broken window. "It's not your fault. And besides, here is better than just wherever."

The silence ensues, nothing much being said any further as you directed Jinwoo to an empty room. He was given a decent place to sleep in. It was odd, since this bedroom seemed more comfortable compared to yours that was even more shabby and dusty.

⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪

It an odd situation, not once did you have ever treat Jinwoo as a slave, you were often on your own in your little garden at the backyard and farming vegetables for both of you to eat.

Jinwoo actively avoided you for quite a while, before deciding that since he lives with you and is technically leeching off of you— He might as well be useful.

And in those days where he helped you, the walls that Jinwoo had built around himself crumbled the more time passed by.

For a while, he was happy, you were happy.

You were both happy.

That was until you had to attend a gathering with your family that had abandoned you.

Of course, you had to dress in your shabby and outdated dress, to which everyone in the ballroom responds with mockery and spite. Jinwoo expected it, sure he's mad, but there's nothing he could do since he is nothing more but a damn slave who cant even defend his own master.

With heads hung low like cowards, the both of you decided to just stay in a corner and be as far away from any and all interactions. It went well for the first hour.

Admiring the brilliant lights and listening to wonderful music around you. Nobility is truly such a beautiful thing, golden plates, silver spoons, brilliant and gleaming jewels stitched into fine fabrics made by highly respectable and sought after tailors.

Jinwoo wanted to admire the scene with you, he truly did.

After all, he spent most of his days being dragged through the mud, his body being flogged over and over just for the fun of a drunk knight, or worse— Hard labour with only a piece of bread you can barely chew on due to how hard it is.

Compared to the grueling days he spent sleeping on the dirt, compared to the devastation he had as he cradled his dearly beloved little sister's corpse when she died of starvation— The sight of these luxurious tiles is mercy upon his pitiful soul.

...

Jinwoo's face drained of it's colours as he watches your elder sister yell at you for simply trying to greet her. A simple greet.

That was all it took for you to be on your knees frantically saying sorry with your voice as humble and as quiet as it can be.

He felt so hopeless, so frozen as he sees your pretty face scrunch in grief at your own actions that isnt even in the wrong in the first place.

So why must you kneel? Why must you humiliate yourself like this?

They stare at you with those sly eyes, as if finding your misery a source of entertainment. Sneers and chuckles would come with each insult being thrown your way.

Was it your fault you were born as the bastard child of the duke when it was your father who willingly went to brothels and slept with multiple women. It was only your mother who stepped up confidently to demand your father to take you in despite the fact that she is currently dying of birth complications. Your mother did all of that just so you could live a comfortable life.

And instead here you were, being punished over something you didn't do.

Isn't family supposed to love eachohter? Jinwoo loved his baby sister so much. So why is he watching another older sibling throw wine at their own blood just for breathing?

Jinwoo felt so... Devastated, his dear companion, his master. His own master— Is being ridiculed right in front of him.

The person he was sold to, the person who took care of him—

"Don't touch him, eonnie!" You scream, throwing yourself right in front of Jinwoo despite the fact you're already soaking wet from the wine splattered all over your pretty face and your already ruined dress. "Please, he's innocent. He's imprinted to me, but he shouldn't receive any punishment. We'll go, eonnie, we'll go. Please don't touch him."

You're protecting him.

That bastard woman would have continued her assault if it werent for her dear father stopping her and saying it's a waste of time dealing with a bunch of lowlifes.

Thus, the two of you were escorted— No, thrown out the main palace.

Jinwoo followed behind you towards the path of your shabby manor, and as the blowing wind caressed your skins,... You broke down.

"Sorry, sorry, Jinwoo." You sob as the man threw his arms around you. "I'm sorry, it was my fault, you shouldn't have seen that. I'm so sorry, Jinwoo. I really am. Please forgive me. Don't be mad at me.

"Why are you asking me those questions?" He asks, his soft voice barely even able to control his trembling voice. "You're my owner, shouldn't I be begging for forgiveness?"

"No, no," You sob even louder.

And Jinwoo couldn't do anything else but comfort you.

⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪

Jinwoo didnt know how, but he managed to put you into sleep right after taking you home. He delivered some spare clothes to you for you to change in. He tucked you in under the shabby blankets and watched over you.

His gaze was stuck on you, contemplating deeply while guilt slowly clawed at his heart.

Tap, Tap, Tap.

"You'll get her killed." A voice suddenly says, and Jinwoo shot up, blocking his arm in front of you as you slept.

"Who—"

"Shut up"

The voice suddenly came from behind him, and when Jinwoo looked back— He could see a pair of purple eyes glaring at him. He can't quite see the face of the man, it was too pitch black and the moon isnt out tonight. He tried grabbing the vase on the sidetable but something had stopped him.

He can't quite tell, but it was as if the air itself is holding him back as those wicked and purple eyes glanced at him from the darkness right beside your sleeping form.

"You really think a damn vase can scare off an intruder?" The man scoffs. "You're pathetic."

"Who are you?" Jinwoo asks again, struggling to move as quiet murmurs surrounded him.

"Some guy" He answers.

"You must be one of those—"

"Ssh." The purple eyes gaze up at him again. "You'll wake the princess up with your voice."

Jinwoo shut his mouth, biting down on his lip as once again he felt so utterly hopeless. Not to mention the air around the stranger was absolutely wicked and somehow... Demonic? Otherwordly?

It was a feeling akin to staring at the abyss, the unkown that makes your skin crawl and itch.

That man is dangerous.

Dangerous But Not Hostile.

"That sister of hers," The man starts, his voice a little tense. "Will get her killed in a few years."

"Excuse me?"

"She'll die, and her blood will be on you, Jinwoo" He grits his teeth. "Just like your sister's who died from starvation, just like your mother who died from sickness, just like your father who died in your arms saving you from a bandit— Her blood will be on your hands just like theirs that is already on you."

"....."

"So quiet, now, huh? You're crying?" He sneers, the voice suddenly coming from behind him. "Crying wont do you any good, you fucking idiot."

"So what exactly do you want me to do?" Jinwoo yells, struggling as he tried to face the man. "I'm not strong, I'm built like a twig. I'm trying, okay? But I'm just a slave. This house is goddamn shabby, I've been trying to fix everything but it's lacking. I can barely even help in the farm, not to mention it's almost winter soon and if she wont die by that bitch's hands then she'll die because of this house! What the hell do you think I can do? I'm trying here and nothing is working!"

"...."

Of course he doesn't want to be in this situation either. Who does? He already lost his family, his blood, his precious kin— All gone and he couldnt do anything about. It was a hopeless situation. Of course, he tried getting a job in the capital since you let him roam as he pleases. He tried some odd jobs, several of them ranging from ordinary helper jobs to cleaning shoes to selling newspapers; nothing is working.

He lost his family because of his weakness, and because of that same weakness he'll loose you too.

"Hypothetically, you are given a guide to becoming extremely strong to protect her but in the process you loose your sanity along the way as well as your emotions" The voice says, his footsteps echoing in the quiet room as he walked around Jinwoo like a ghost. "How far are you willing to go?"

"Farther than the limit."

"Even if you lose your limbs along the way?"

"Yes."

"Even if you get mauled by beasts?"

"Yes."

"Even if you go mad by the power you'll soon hold?"

"Yes."

"Even if you must become a murderer?"

"Yes."

"I'll do it."

"I'll do it all for her sake."

"Good" The voice hums, satisfied.

Jinwoo starts feeling dizzy, his legs giving in as he felt himself collapse on something soft.

"Protect her." The stranger's tone becomes gentle. "Where I failed to do so, be better than me. Devote yourself to her. Protect the heart that is more precious than anything in this world. Even if you go through hell, you must protect her. You must love her. Give her all the adoration you can ever give. Because I couldn't protect my princess. So don't make the same mistake."

⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪

Jinwoo had received the system from that night ever since. He had been busy from then on, often going out in the day and coming back in the evenings tired but somehow... A little different.

He'd go on long trips sometimes, which you honestly didn't mind so long as he promises to come home.

Soon enough, that same lanky, 18 year old boy— Is suddenly a head taller than you that you physically have to strain your neck just so you can meet with him eye-to-eye. Jinwoo had become from a lanky boy to a different person in just a blink of an eye in a matter of months.

Each long week he disappears; he comes back even more mature and lax in his demeanour. The next thing you knew, Jinwoo enrolled himself as a hunter.

You're proud of him, of course you are.

That's your Jinwoo.

Your precious, precious and sweet Jinwoo who always stuck by your side even if you are a noble who had no servant to her name and a manor fit to be deemed as a haunted home.

The wealth would soon come pouring in with each succesful hunt Jinwoo goes through. And the more powerful his bounties were, the more famous he became. The money he accumulated directly went into rebuilding the shabby manor into an opulent home worthy of a duke's daughter. Your filthy, ragged dresses were replaced by finely crafted fabrics. Your neck and ears would be adorned in the meek but captivating jewelry.

Of course, he still had that title of slave over his head but weirdly enough... Jinwoo seemed to carry it as a badge of honor.

Why?

Because he was yours.

What he is, is yours.

Naturally, jealous eyes come your way as the your dear hunter is now the most sought after. Who wouldn't want him anyway? Tall, handsome, a hunter— He is the embodiment of what is lusted for with a man.

And yet he never once bat an eye to those arrogant nobles who offered him the finest of fine wealth could ever give.

Love letters from all over the kingdom pine for your precious Jinwoo.

And yet he still chose you.

Those steely grey eyes of him would solely be for you and you only.

He looked a you like you are his precious goddess.

You Jinwoo is so... So Innocent and lovely.

Even as he held your father's severed head on his hand.

Even as a pool of blood puddled beneath his feet. Even as his grey orbs have turned purple. Even as the opulent pearl tiles reflected his maddened figure.

Your Jinwoo is just so... So lovely.

His heart, oh, his heart belonged to you. His innocent, pretty little master who looks up at him with a bewildered but awestruck gaze— He knew you weren't mad.

"I did it all for you, princess" Jinwoo would coo, cupping your face and swiping his thumb affectionately over cheek. "They were trying to make you cry again. We can't have that"

He whispers, leaning down to kiss your forehead. "After all, I am yours. We're already binded by a contract. Even if it didn't exist I'd still choose the same choice I have made now."

He holds up his hand, pressing his palm against yours as the tattooes rings on your ring fingers glowed purple.

"See? Even our mark is like wedding rings" He intertwines your fingers together before bringing it up to his lips and kissing the mark on you. "It's okay. It's okay. This is for your own good."

"This is all for your sake, my precious god."

"This bloodbath is an offering for you."

꒰ A/N: idk what I made nor do I wanna know. The plot is all over the place wheeze. I'm quaking at writer's block. I should not write for Jinwoo until I get the energy back. I'm so mindblocked with him maybe it's because I cant draw fanart of him atm. ahhhhhhhhhh ꒱

ʚ(੭´͈ ᐜ `͈)੭ .｡✧･ﾟ: ~♡ —! stories written by kyunnie; translations, reposts, plagiarism are strictly forbidden.

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS - Sensual connections <3

Aries Sun and Moons need stimulation in relationships in order to feel energized. If these relationships do not move with passion or purpose they can lose interest.

Pluto/Sun individuals have strong auras that need to release their energy through occult, art, in anything or anyone they love. They need constant reassurance in their love lives or they will feel as if you dont care or like them for them.

Sun/Mars individuals have strong appetites for sex as this is the best way for them to let of that boastful energy they have. Moon/Mars individuals need to express their emotional feelings without fear of being to headstrong about it. Moon/mars people have to use their emotional energy in a craft they like or else this will turn out messy, they could have emotions outbursts that can make anyone a little tired of being around them.

Venus/Pluto individuals need devotion. Like the worshipping of some sort of deity, im not joking. Their intensity leaves people in a state of wonderment with them, causing them to be obsessed and wanting more of them.

Venus/Neptune people actually can get the 'fairytale' they desire they just need to see it through more practically. Not everything we see in movies is real, but the energy around it is. What they are looking for is out there they have to connect with the energy of the type of romance they wish to receive.

Moon/Mars people need lovers who have drive and purpose in them. This causes their emotional wellbeing around them to be self assured and understood. They carry this same energy with them so having a partner that is a nonchalant and too chill about everything isn't for them per say.

Moon/Jupiter people crave for a love that is spiritually connected and deep. They do not care for the practical at times with their relationships, they need someone who can see God in them the way they do the world. A love that the heavens can look too and bless them for all eternity.

Pluto 8th house individuals can have a love that'll change your life!! You will never be the same when they enter through your temple. They make sure you feel the deep raw sacredness of sex and never look back.

Venus 8th house people have a knack for pleasing their partners as they are psychically intune with the needs of their lovers. They know just how to make your skin crawl with sensations that'll make you beg for more. Dont get to close to them you might never stop thinking of them. You may never forget them after a sensual experience.

I may post more on this <3

[seniaasaysstuff]

hii i was wondering if you do requests, ill leave here this request and if you dont do them or dont like this feel free to ignore this!<3

its sukuna (or characters of your choice) x fem! reader where she gave birth to a baby but sadly it died so she fell into depression and sukuna is worried but tries not to show it much

thank you even for reading this, take care!<3

TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️- miscarriage.

Hi anon! This is actually my first request haha. Thank you for the request! I tried to write a happy kind of ending?

Um I hope you like it :D Have a great day<33

SADNESS ; ryomen sukuna.

Sukuna may be considered as someone that didn’t have feelings, a monster, an unnatural freak but he loved you.

The first time he ever laid his eyes on you, sukuna knew you were the one for him.

Even though you were a sickly person, you diligently took care of sukuna when he was wounded. You tried your best to protect him from the villagers. You even went as far as taking a hit that was meant for him.

One day sukuna asked you to leave with him.

You accepted, you didn’t have anyone in the world other than him.

You knew about sukuna being a powerful sorcerer but you always worried about his safety.

Soon sukuna built an estate just for you.

He took great care of you. You never had to worry about a thing. He treated you like a queen.

He courted you and married you like a respectful gentleman.

Everyone in the estate respected you, some even feared you as they believed that you were the only one that could control sukuna.

The estate maids adored you, you treated them so kindly, always greeting them. To them even though you were a sickly person, you always were bubbly, so friendly.They always felt delighted when they saw sukuna sama treat you with devotion because in their eyes you deserved the best.

After a year of your marriage, you felt lonely.

When you noticed the estate maids with their children it made you cry.

You knew you would have great difficulty having kids but you wanted to try having a baby with sukuna. You always envisioned having a child that looked just like sukuna, your husband.

Sukuna vehemently refused as he was worried about your safety. But after your incessant pleas he gave in. He couldn’t handle you and your puppy dog eyes begging him for a baby every day and it worked.

You were finally pregnant. Sukuna got the most sought out doctors for you.

The pregnancy took a toll on you. It was taxing both for your physical and mental health. The morning sickness made you unable to stomach anything and it made you look even more sickly.

While you were walking around one day you felt cramps. They were alarming and it felt like you were dying. You felt something warm trickle down your leg. It felt like blood. You looked down and cried out. You were bleeding.

After hearing you scream, the maids came down rushing. They yelled for the doctor as they ushered you into the room. Sukuna dropped everything as he heard you cry out and ran towards your room.

Pain, all you could feel was pain when the doctor sadly informed you that you had miscarried. You wailed for your lost child.

You never really recovered from your miscarriage. You stopped leaving your room, always sitting in your room looking out of the window sadly. You lost your appetite neither did you have the energy to do anything.

You never really knew it but sukuna cried.

He was so worried for you. He didn’t care for the baby, sure it hurt but you were the only thing that mattered to him.

He did his best to cheer you up. He did not know what to do to make you feel better. He didn’t wish for you to grow distant and fall into depression. So he took you on walks, tried getting you gifts like jewelry, he attempted to make jokes to make you laugh but it didn’t work. Nothing worked.

He was growing even more frightened for you.

If you went on like this you could die and he didn’t want that.

One day sukuna dropped on his knees in front of you. “My love,” he rasped.

“Please let me take care of you. I vow to you that I would do everything in my power to help you. Don’t ignore me please my darling. Kill me if you wish but talk to me. I can’t handle you not talking to me.” His voice cracked. Tears were threatening to fall.

“It was not your fault. Believe me, it wasn’t, curse me all you want but please don’t do this. I can’t do this anymore- seeing you trying to kill yourself.” He let out a tired sigh.

You let out a sob. “I don’t know what to do kuna. I lost our baby.” Sukuna lifted and placed you in his lap. You clutched his kimono and wept against his chest.

“You didn’t lose our baby sweetheart. None of it was your fault. We can always try for another or adopt if you want hm?” He tried to soothe you.

“But-” You trembled. He placed a finger against your lips.

“My love, it's okay.” He assured you.

“It’s okay to miss the baby. But don’t beat yourself up over it.” He murmured.

A few months later you had settled down a bit. You at times felt empty. You didn’t have anything to fill up the void. Sure sukuna tried his best to keep you happy but it wasn’t enough.

“You know what? You wanted a baby to look like me right?” Sukuna barged inside your shared room with his hands behind his back. You were confused. You didn’t know what was going on nor Why he was bringing up babies?

“Here meet Yuji and Mizuho.” He handed you two infants.

“What is the meaning of this?” You shrieked.

“Did you steal someone’s kids?” You shouted. “Look at the children.” He whispered. You looked down and noticed they looked oddly similar to sukuna.

You glanced at him in bewilderment. “I made them with my cursed energy. I knew you wanted children but I couldn’t put you through hell again.” He proudly spoke.

“I know you were planning to name our child Yuji if it was a boy and Mizuho if it was a girl.” He added. Tears were brimming in your eyes. “You did all of this for me?” You stuttered.

“I love you. This was nothing. I’m willing to do anything for you.” He hoarsely spoke. “I know it will not make you forget about the baby nor will it fill the empty void. But I want you to be happy.”

[sojirai]

actually idgaf. i feel better temporarily but here's the text from my uber melodramatic breakdown about self sacrifice / "therapist friend"ing / emotional burnout from discord + me fixing it. for the jirai gang. under the . under the Cut , if you will.

ᓚᘏᗢ 🩷⠀ ━─ breakdown below

trigger warning just in general this sucks

• ───────────────── •

Turns out i as an alter greatly overextend myself socially and emotionally and compensate for my lack of deep vulnerable moments or true security that i constantly try to provide others by gathering egotistical praises about my personality or ability or how nice and good i am at serving and caring for others and the bottling up has turned into repression so i have been having panic attacks and breakdowns and lashing out and psychosis during my antispychotic medication and not knowing why and dismissing it but all along it was ... Giving out way more than i get back (i do it to myself mostly)

Being the new best friend who makes life so much better and always tracks and is fun and sincerely loving for like 8 people all within 4 hours everyday can make your head spin until you dont even know what YOU really want or who YOU are or what YOUR memories are because nothing nothing nothing matters only other people perfect friend best friend best boyfriend best husband housewife best daughter best son best employee. And then you forget everything. But your body doesnt. If you can maintain your composure and comfort and make jokes and compliment and work and fawn and stay quiet and apologize sit stay roll over come don't get upset when they bite you Defend them anyway loyal dog. And the drugs dont get you. And you sleep enough. And you eat. And you drink water. Because you think youre just your body. Your nervous system starts to kill you and breakdown. You start to go insane a little bit at a time. And people will watch. And frown and pat you and say oh oh im here for you. Im listening. You dont even know whats wrong, and if you do, youre not allowed to say. Its bad to say. Its probably not even true. Its just a selfish feeling. You have cluster b, dont you? Youre just being self centered again. Everyone does enough for you. This is enough. Maybe you need a break. Its probably a lie. Nothing is wrong. Youre just so good you overperform! Youre unable to take a break. You always have to be doing something. You have an episode. You take a 10 minute break. You come back. You never address the root cause. You leave for a few hours to do something you like for yourself. You worry about all the time youre missing with others. You come back. Everythings on fire and youre not in service mode. Youre scared and feel like it's your fault for not being there. Everyone says it's not. But just because they say it doesn't mean you couldn't have made things better or they're not all accustomed to your presence. That they all need you. Because you made them like this by always being nice unconditionally. You don't have a life anymore. It's for a bunch of other people. Your work and paycheck and time and energy and career and where you live and where you go are all gonna be for everyone else in your life and you're gonna say it makes you happy because you really do sincerely love other people and you love to be the perfect person and love to be devoted and WANTED. And you're gonna forget who you are because you never knew them. And be happy where you are. And you will have little moments of true vulnerability and that will be enough to go right back to the way you were for the next three weeks at minimum. Just one person you truly open up to and trust and some praise and validation and reassurance from everyone else that doesn't really mean anything like an OCD compulsion calmed down only to flare right back up again. Cus you were raised to be like this and now you're choosing to lean into it. Maybe it's all you know how to do to get people to love you. Something will always be wrong. And you will keep getting over the same thing every hour of the day until you die ♡

giggling. Im actively doing it all again. The endless passion for being kind and wanting to be the new best friend and make someone happy and not be the reason they feel disappointed or alone. Acting the most for them so that they have no doubt you adore them and everything they do. So they dont feel like you. Im actively insecure and need to cry for irrational reasons (i still cannot cry anymore. My expression is always blank / neutral when im upset these days). [redacted details for privacy].

The little things.

Spinning a little again. It wasn't me that realized this.

I panicked so hard that I texted [my partner]. Mentally bawling and wailing and clinging. One person. Another adult who tends to be direct and will respond if i call out when i think they're not or ask more. Good judgment. Kind to me. Always kind to me. In love with me but not blind. They help me clarify everything. I broke down and told them everything about what my mom has done and said and the events of when i attacked her. And Vanny [DID regressed alter] switched in because im. Emotional. And she started to talk about ...

"I think Joy has an anxiety problem... everyday... he kind of freaks liks a panic attack. And the psychosis is worse for him. He takes all the trauma. Hes responsible for all of us, and for a lot of other actual people, too. Is it hard, are you tired?" And she kept thinking and staring and talking and she dug it right out of me. Exactly whats wrong with me. "No shit. Dipshit. Bullshit. You're not evil or selfish; you're exhausted. You're a genuinely nice person. No wonder you're burnt out; look at what happens every day of your life with every single person and thing in it!" Every little thing

I didn't even know. I never address it. I push through it and I forget.

I did this all to myself and others and its all my fault for making myself a martyr but im a little angry somehow. That no one paid attention or thought about it or cared as much as i cared and if they did they didn't show it the way i show it they didn't push the way i push.

And that's selfish and stupid. I set the bar into the sky basically heaven for myself. No one else will reach it. I cant be angry they didnt (i never expected anyone to, but somehow im still upset). Theyre too exhausted to give me that attention or push hard, and im not complaining, im not letting everyone know, im actively hiding it. Why would anyone push? Why would anyone try as hard for me as i do for them when i convince everyone i don't need it and eventually stop showing that i'm distressed at all?

That no one. Overanalyzes as much as me and is constantly looking for things like this. When i always am

Ridiculous. Nothing to be upset about. I did that.

I'll get over it. I got a little suicidal but Vanny touched me and said no and it will pass and then everything will be alright again. Knowing i act out sometimes. And you guys are my friends and i'm not angry at anyone i was/am just lashing out. I always. Get over it. I'm a bit tired of getting over it But The Way The World Works really doesn't care how tired you are and crashing out as cathartic as it is always has an awful aftermath and i'm already unstable. So no. I'm keeping my composure again and not truly forever ruining my life or relationships (again. Something i think of multiple times a day and never do.) Mature and thoughtful and thinking long-term. Again. I wonder if I will die like this always keeping it together overall even if I crash occasionally. Or if one day I will snap and do something really drastic and end up in prison or dead from it and if I will take anyone down with me. Ok anyway

Sorry for making an ass of myself. That was all very delirious and intense and kind of rude. I apologize and I'm . Gonna take a xanax

Ok we're fine

I was given dopamine

ᓚᘏᗢ 🩷⠀ ━─ end transcript

[justallihere]

im joining the train of being physically ill and your fic giving me the motivation to continue with life (allergies and contact dermatitis are kicking my ass. my eyelids are swollen)

I love how soft these two were for each other in this chapter.

XADEN IS WHIPPED. I feel like if he could live in/under Violet's skin he would 💀

exhibit a

“I can kill him for you,” he offered. 

exhibit b

“No, I don’t want you to move,” Xaden grumbled

exhibit c

“I’ll do whatever you want, my darling wife.”

exhibit d

he was sure his heart stopped beating in his chest for a moment before it resumed its rhythm again. 

exhibit e

Something warm bloomed in his chest at the sight of the ring on his finger, a physical representation of the two of them twined together, from now until they entered whatever life or world followed this one. 

Xaden made Vi blush SO MUCH this chapter and I'm eating it up!!!!!

This line was so funny 😭😭😭. Xaden is such a tease

“Yes, your majesty?” She scowled

Not me my heart breaking for younger Xaden. I hope Vi gives him enough hugs to heal his inner child

Being a dragon rider was one of the only things he had ever chosen for himself, even if, technically, he wasn’t supposed to have it. 

SOMEONE HUG GARRICK PLS. The guilt he probably feels, my poor baby 😭😭

“Can I not be worried about her?” Garrick asked sharply. “She is my queen, Xaden. She isn’t just your wife, she isn’t just Violet. Not anymore. She’s important to all of us, and I have a duty to her. You’re not the only one who failed to keep her safe.” 

EXCUSE ME??? ARE THEY FLIRTING? YOURE HONOR I THINK THEYRE FLIRTING. The second i read that he wanted to take her somewhere outside, I KNEW IT WAS HIS FAVORITE HILLTOP!!!! This moment was so special/monumental for them 😭. Xaden has come so far, from not wanting to share this sacred space/wanting to hate her on principle, to loving Violet and willing to do anything to make her happy (Again, mans is WHIPPED)

“Are you trying to get me drunk, Mrs. Riorson?” Xaden asked in a low voice.  She shivered. “Maybe.” 

HIS RING??? HIS RING????? Of course, Vi noticed how obsessed X is with her hair. nothing gets past her

Xaden's unwavering faith in Vi is so �� I dont have words to describe what it is but its top tier husband energy

The fact that Violet reads smut confirms that she's just one of the girls AND Xaden picking the book up to read it ??? Book boyfriend material (Even though he's already her husband)

Questions:

When will Brennan get his head out of the sand and make up his siblings? Stick Xaden on him because B is making Vi and Mira sad!!!!

when was the last time Xaden got drunk/felt comfortable enough to do that?

was the story about malek and his consort's homage to Hades/Persephone but also a reflection of Vi/X's relationship?

She was Amari’s youngest, her most beautiful and most treasured child --- is this foreshadowing to how Lilith views Vi? bc if so... I'm sobbing in a corner

Omg feel better!! Stop being sick!! Why are you all sick!! (normally I’m the one who’s sick all the time 😂)

Waterparks has like dozens of obsessive love songs that I could quote but there’s a line in “I felt younger when we met” (ironically a break up song lol) that says “you moved in behind my eyes and built yourself a shrine” that I think about a lot in terms of how Xaden feels about Violet. Just like, a part of her lives with him permanently now and he can’t and doesn’t want to get rid of it and she’s all he knows and he’s wholly devoted to her

I’m LIVING for the fact that you came with evidence about how whipped he is lmao

They are in fact flirting, can confirm!

To answer your questions: Yes, Brennan will get his act together. The last time Xaden got drunk was, uh. . . so many moons ago I do not have an exact time, but years. And yes! It was a way to say that not only do people see their relationship differently depending on what they’re looking for, but Xaden views himself so differently from the way Violet sees him.

And yeah to that last one as well. I mean she loves all her kids beyond reason, but there’s something in the way she views Violet that’s so special to me

[hotchfiles]

Lari, I apologize in advance, but I really want to add to the discussion of writers supporting writers, because it makes my blood boil sometimes, lol, and I'm sorry if this gets long, and if i sound like a bitch but....

Okay, first off, interaction is important, period! Doesn't matter if you have no followers, if you are a writer with a few followers, or a writer with a lot of followers interaction is important, in every sense! And writers with a lot of followers should be VERY aware of that, because once upon a time, they were a smaller blog too, wishing for people to interact with their works.

Writers especially feed on the interaction, and especially seeing people's thoughts and opinions on their works, and that's where the comments and reblogs come into play!

One thing, that apparently, some big blogs seem to either forget, or not give a sh*t about anymore, because they are just too big now. People are interacting with their works, so they've made it, right? Wrong, because once again, your readers, and their interaction with your works made you big! So, instead of being high and mighty, return the favor by boosting the works you liked reading, written by smaller blogs! (Side note, I'm not hating on anyone, calling anyone out specifically, or etc. But I was a writer in another fandom once, and it was much the same, and it grated on my nerves then, and it's grating on my nerves now)

I was a writer that only used to like, when I was running my old blog, but on this one, reblog, reblog, reblog. Doesn't matter that I don't have a huge number of followers that can benefit from recs, I'm supporting the writer, and to me, that's the most important.

On the mutuals matter, I think you said it right. My works might not be my mutuals cup of tea, or theirs might not be mine. One thing i wanna add here, even if I have mutuals, who's works I don't read because x, y, z, every once in a while I'd reblog a work of theirs and be like "check out this person's works, they write great (character) fics". To me that's just a way to boost your moots, and who knows, maybe someone that follows you actually likes their works.

On indirectly being asked to read their stuff, I think there's nothing wrong with that, BUT! Like you said, if I'm going to support you, I'd expect you to support me too. It's not hard. I myself have asked others to read my works (on my old blog), but I've made sure to interact with them via asks, read and interact with their works, before and after asking! And not because I want to be transactional or anything, but because I genuinely enjoy their works, and asking them to read mine, yes, it might boost me up, but i just want to hear what some of my favorite writers think about something I've written. Later, those same people became my mutuals and I loved that we lifted each other up!

Finally, if some people aren't comfortable interacting, that's completely and totally fine!  What I wrote is for the writers, that honestly should know how tumblr and the community works, well enough to know that boosting people and interacting with people makes for a greater overall experience!

And to the anon that started this whole thing (if they are even reading this, lol), continue being supportive and interesting with the blogs you love, and the works you enjoy! If you still want to read the works of the writers you talked about, be a silent reader, lol. Like you said, they're doing fine! Devote your time and energy and interact with the people that will support you back, and are sweet and kind to you! And, be the person you are now, supportive, because it seems some writers tend to lose sight of where they came from when they grow, and to the ones that don't, you rock!

Again, I'm so sorry for this being so long, lol🥴 (also, if I'm being too bitchy, feel free to ignore and delete this, lol)

i dont even have anything to add you said it perfectly

i love that you mentioned the transaction part because YEAH its not about being a transaction or anything of the sort, its about being reciprocal, and treating others works like you want yours to be treated

i genuinely love reading and helping so i dont mind at all when people ask for me to do that, i just feel like that if you enjoy either my fics enough for that, i should be seeing you reblogging or commenting my fics and the people (really, people, it happens quite frequently) i mentioned just never ever ever reblogged or commented on any of it 😭

i honestly thought i was exaggerating it but it seems its been happening to a lot of writers so

please, writers (especially if you complain about comments and reblogs)

be reciprocal

[nknoxe-n]

hello hello, this is for your matchup event! (a romantic matchup please) 💗

appearance: 4’11 girl w/ shoulder length black curly hair, light brown skin, & brown almost black eyes

personality: pretty reserved and not very good with new people at first, but if you’re a close friend, im unfortunately the affectionate, sassy yapper w/ no filter. i love to help people and make them laugh and i dont play about my people. i wear my heart on my sleeve and i love very loudly.

with the negative aspects though, i tend to get in my head sometimes, so i need reassurance sometimes. when im upset i tend to shut people out because i need alone time instead of communicating, at least at first. im self critical about myself and my looks at times + tend to assume the worst about people + don’t really trust others

hobbies: i adore fashion, singing, dancing, spending time with friends, shopping & engaging in any media i like. i love love love anything pink, snoopy, true crime, and i like having conversations based on people’s opinions on things. as much as i love the coquette aesthetic, my style changes everyday, depending on how im feeling.

love languages: id say giving would be all of them but mostly physical touch, gift giving, & words of affirmation. for receiving, the most important ones to me are words of affirmation and physical touch as well.

what i look for in a partner: absolutely no form of nonchalance 😭 i need someone who knows what they want, loyal, devoted and actually puts in effort with me. they genuinely like & love who i am and wants to do things for me just because they want to see me happy. + a communicator, gentleman, and someone who loves just as loudly as i do, maybe even more. (And even if it’s not the same volume or they’re not outgoing, they show it in other ways that’s clear to me they love me and gives me reassurance if needed)

tysm!! x 🩷

Your Blue Lock Matchup: Shidou Ryusei

Shidou might come off as chaotic to others, but with you, he’d be a fiercely loyal and passionate partner who matches your energy when it comes to love. He adores someone who wears their heart on their sleeve, and your loud, affectionate nature would resonate deeply with his own bold approach to life. Shidou is someone who’s never shy about expressing himself, and he’d love you just as loudly as you love him—or even louder.

Your reserved nature around new people would interest him, and he’d find it endearing how you blossom into a sassy, affectionate chatterbox with those you’re close to. Shidou would tease you endlessly (always with love) when you sass him, but he’d secretly love it because it shows how comfortable you are with him. And when you’re down or in your head, he wouldn’t let you sit in silence for long—he’d reassure you with over-the-top compliments and playful antics, to remind you how special you are to him even if it doesn't translate well.

Shidou also has a surprisingly perceptive side. He’d notice when you need space, even if you don’t say it outright, and he’d give you the time you need while still letting you know he’s there for you. His brash exterior hides a thoughtful core, and he’d never let you doubt how much you mean to him.

When it comes to your shared interests, Shidou would absolutely adore your ever-changing fashion sense. He’d hype up every outfit, whether you’re rocking coquette vibes or something entirely different. He’d also love spoiling you with little gifts—imagine him picking up Snoopy-themed trinkets or something pink just because he thought of you. Plus, he’d be your biggest cheerleader when you sing, dance, or share your passions, always hyping you up without a second thought.

In terms of love languages, Shidou is the kind of partner who thrives on physical touch and words of affirmation, so he’d give you the constant reassurance you need. Whether it’s a quick kiss, a playful hug, or telling you how amazing you are, he’d make sure you always feel loved and cherished. And he’d appreciate your thoughtful gifts and touch in return—it’d only make him love you more.

Shidou might not seem like the classic gentleman at first glance, but he’d go above and beyond to prove his devotion, even if it's not in a common way. His love would be bold, clear, and unmistakable—just like you deserve. If you ever found yourself questioning your looks or style, Shidou wouldn’t hesitate to remind you (loudly) just how stunning and unique you are.

[radical-aurin-care]

between sixth form, my part time job and trying to see my friends i feel so mentally tired and drained and i dont get any revision or homework or anything i love doing (like writing, piano ect) done bcs i just feel so stuck and idk how long i can keep going before i completely mentally give up, have you got any advice?

Dear anon, I am very sorry that it took me so long to answer! I had to take an unplanned social media break and then had some pretty bad health issues (on the mend now) and didn't even manage to open my inbox until two days ago.

anyway, thanks for your patience, I hope things are manageable for you! <3

afai sixth form means that you're old enough that school isn't mandatory any more. I'm gonna be that bad influence that tells you to drop out of school.

schools, unis etc are NOT places to learn (they don't even tend to teach students how to learn, let alone consistently encourage independent thinking, cooperation, nor acting on what you learned or on your conscience). they are part time prisons for children at worst and factories for fancy diplomas at best. plus abuse runs rampant.

they don't teach you stuff that you couldn't learn better elsewhere - if you need it at all. they train people to be be employable and reward them with certificates that basically say "I am good at being exploited for labour, dear boss, please consider exploiting me"

you already have passions and things you like devoting time to - school detracts from that. you're creative!

school affects you severely and I don't want you to hurt yourself for some promise that frankly they don't deliver on. When I went to school I thought schools and unis were the Best places to learn and degrees and diplomas were super important for my future. nope. not true.

I see it as a pattern of abuse now - getting ppl to put up with health destroying hardships and absurd demands (like dictating when you can and can't go pee or eat or stretch your legs or chat with friends, all of which hinders learning!) by holding up some future price. and making promises that are simultaneously ridiculously high ("education opens up the world to you!") and insultingly low ("we'll give you a piece of paper with some grades on them" so that you can apply for jobs but no grades nor jobs are guaranteed plus even if you get one, don't count on making a living off it).

even IF the promises were true, it would be even more unjust (and in many ways is) because formal education acts as a gatekeeper to do many things that get withheld from ppl for mainly racist, classist and sexist reasons - playing that game won't make it get fairer or the world better. besides many of those things are just more capitalism.

If you do decide to keep going, at least stop doing homework - it has been proven to give no benefits to learning. it's just a waste of your time and energy and you're worth more than that!

see if there are other unconventional or anarchic ways to save your time, energy and sanity. this is not just applicable to school btw! you need it at work and when dealing with ppl in general. I'm thinking of things like:

don't obey demands or suggestions unless you really agree that they are the best idea

train your independent thinking, decision making and acting...

as well as how to work together with others as equals

if someone wants to force you to waste your time, energy, talents or insults your intelligence or value as a human being, LET THEM WORK FOR IT

yes sometimes we need to do stuff we don't want. but those times are FAR fewer and farther in between than authorities and social norms (including politeness) would have us believe. AT LEAST let them work for it.

don't be contrarian just to be contrarian though - cooperate with people you value and who have earned your respect and support

strengthen your bonds with friends and people who have similar problems as you, or where you see that you can help them with something they might not be able to do on their own

validate and support others who question or subvert injust or stupid authorities

what I'm doing and wish I'd started decades earlier is to radically cut out any abusive or oppressive person, institution or force in my life. and to build up true friendships and healing relationships instead. to build trust in myself and train my discernment and act on it. to build a good and trusting relationship with myself and my body above all.

there are many ways to get by other than what this oppressive society tries to feed us.

my personal favourite is a combination of mutual aid networks, supportive friendships, connections to nature and the land, and cooperatives or collectives or guilds or associations that work and produce and often make money together without a boss and without being driven by capitalism, but by collectively agreed upon values instead. maybe with some theft, squatting, and other illegalised activities thrown in, as a treat. depends on your risk analysis though.

I'll tell anyone to put their time, effort and hope in those over school/work any day!

and like I said, moving towards tolerating bullshit less and less in all aspects of live and valuing yourself, your agency and time and effort - that should help too in case other institutions or bosses or family or friends sap your energy.

I hope I could give you some support and food for thought, whatever you decide to do with it!

feel free to ask more questions, I'll do my best to answer them more quickly from now on!

[silliest-fckindumbboy]

🪦Consider this blog a TW in & of itself🪦

🩸My coining blog is @fckindumbboy-coins Requests are always open!!!🩸

🫀This will be a mix of RQ & para stuff! Its my safe space! I will like & reblog what I choose!🫀

🪦Block/ ignore dont report, I'm just trying to find safe community & without that, so many of us are in danger!🪦

🩸If you arent harming anyone unwilling to be harmed, do it up, bby; pro-consent🩸

🦷 Im Jynx

🔪 The body is adult; Agefluid, multiage- mainly nepedage and traumatot, but I also sometimes linger around the body's age

🦷 Agender, transmasc, boycunt, periboy, offboy, bordergender

🔪 Polyromantic, hyperromantic

🦷 Polysensual, polarsensual, hypersensual [unless touch-repulsed due to fatigue, low energy, sensory overload, etc.]

🔪 Greyace, hypersexual

🦷 Ductuaffectis, Alteraffectis

🔪 It/he/pup/puppy/clown/honk/rot/ick/demon/rat; I may also use plural pronouns on occasion

🦷 Married, poly

🔪 Ask me anything about anything!

🪦My tags:

fckindumbboy - anything thats mine

boybarx - anytime I comment/post/talk about anything/share my opinions

shøwøff - my pictures

boycoins - coining/flags

Papa♡ - anything to do with my Papa or my relationship

boyIDs- my hoard/IDs or terms I like (reblogs only- not my OGs)🪦

🫀On sys: I'm [Jynx] the current host of a DID system~ Pls keep in mind that, due to the nature of plurality, I may post things or reblog things that I dont typically post, agree with, or that I forget later on. Some alters MAY make themselves known, they may not, thats up to them to decide not me.🫀

🪦Paras & Kinks: LOTS! Obsessed with everything abuse, gore, pain, blood, cannibalism, & death! 3/3, get over it, youre not the thought police. I sexualize & extort my own trauma & mental illness~ Theres wwwwaaaaayyyyyyy more! Consang🪦

🫀SickSickSick (cisIDs): DID, BPD, DPDR, schizoaffective bipolar type, OCD, agoraphobia, C-PTSD, substance use disorder [recovering & hating every second], OSFED-AN/BP, GAD/ panic disorder, PNES, mild TBI, CI

We got the 'tism

ICT survivor

I have so much trauma, & always happy to share & talk about it [for anyone!] (I'm cisharmed, cisgroomed, cisabused, cisICTsurvivor, cistortured, cisSA/CSA, cisraped.. etc.)

Chronically ill & physically disabled!🫀

🪦I AM a radqueer! Get outta here if you cant deal with that! Im super duper inclusive & believe everyone has a right to be themselves (even if I may not agree with them!) I have absolutely no room in my life, my heart, or my safe space for hate, drama, or discourse!!! Im also a [REDACTED]queer! I value privacy & non-disclosure of stances or other information, I think everyone has a right to discretion & safety within the community & elsewhere. My business is no one's business unless I say so- no one's business is my business unless they say so. All information, conversation, etc. with me is strictly confidential. I dont believe in call outs or other forms of non-consenual information disclosure. 🪦

🫀Identities: Transclownspecies, puppykin, trauma-born demon, irl yandere, transHoH/transDeaf, real vampire [hybrid- sang & psi], DemiDead, DemiRot, Traumatot, permapuppy, permadissociated, permalockdown, permasick, devotabled, translabrat, ratkin 🫀

🪦MUDs: Unhealthy Relation-Victim Disorder, Glitching Mind Disorder, Plural Dysphoric Disorder, Imminent Death Disorder, Temporal Perception Distortion Syndrome🪦

🩸I BLOCK FREELY🩸

Anons: ⚙️, ☀️, bitey, 🐶🎉, 🕯, :3, 🍇

[thrashkink-coven]

hii!! im so so sorry if this is considered a weird question and by all means you can delete this/ect, but i wanted to ask: how do you know when your deity loves you? i know it may sound stupid and/or weird but i genuinely have so many issues trusting it.. my deity is very loving to me, hes never been mean to me, ignored me, or anything! and hes so understanding and stuff about everything i tell him, hes really the best deity i couldve asked for. but for some reason i still cant feel loved all the time/all the way. it may have something to do with the fact im aroace, havent done much (hardly any at all really) shadow work, the trauma, or something in between or even all of the above, but i want to trust it, i want to trust him. but the feeling comes rarely then fades almost as soon as i get it. i dont know if its a thing of maybe its because im in the closet about my practices due to it being unsafe to do it openly, or because me and my deity have only worked together for maybe a month or around 6-4 weeks, and i still need the time to feel associated with him & his energy, im unsure and its a little scary/invalidating :( i see so many other witches be so absolutely happy and set in stone with their love for their deities and the deities love for them, but i just cant? i really really know i love my deity and stuff, but, its all just so confusing and sad/aggravating. anyway, thank you for your time <33

(im sorry for the enormous dump haha)

Hi,

Thanks for asking!

Our relationship with our deities are very different to our relationships with humans in many ways, but in some ways they are also extremely similar. Maybe you’ve never been in a romantic relationship, but oftentimes even when we are with the person that we love and we’re 100% confident that they love us back with all their heart, we can still become nervous and wonder if our relationships are legitimate or “real”. This is something that can occur with any kind of relationship. It may have absolutely nothing to do with the actions of the other party and more to do with how we view ourselves. If we don’t think we are worthy to be in their presence we will often unfairly assume their negative opinion of us- even if they have done nothing to indicate that. It’s important to consider what circumstances in your life might have lead you to feel this way, chances are it has nothing to do with them.

In the context of Gods, they are funnily enough, without bodies. Which means that they can’t always be present in extremely obvious ways. You may find yourself getting anxious if a partner or friend doesn’t reach out for a few days, but that doesn’t at all mean that your friend or partner didn’t think about you at all during that time. There is this very common misconception in spiritual circles that devotees interact directly with their Gods every single day, that we can feel their influence at all times and that they are always super close to us- and that’s just not true.

In the case of Lucifer, I reach out to him at least once a day in some way, but I don’t always feel his overwhelming warmth and light all the time. In fact, sometimes I don’t feel anything and that’s just fine. My devotion is partially a gift to him but also a gift to myself, I don’t just do this so he’ll pop up and do a little dance for me lol, my love of worshipping is part of the deal.

For an entity like Jophiel who is an angel, I don’t necessarily even want to feel his presence all the time because he’s just a lot to deal with on a daily basis. In fact I only really interact with Jophiel directly once every few months if that. He probably wouldn’t be very pleased by frivolous interactions either- actually he’s just straight up told me he doesn’t like it lol. His presence is something that can always be found but isn’t always appropriate or necessary. That doesn’t at all mean that Jophiel and I have a weaker relationship by any means, rather that we are so confident in our relationship that we can handle the distance. I know that if I make a genuine call he will answer, and there are times he just happens to be closer to me for whatever reason. In the same way, sometimes he’s just farther away. Jophiel is pure love and I know he feels no ill will towards me, love shows itself in many ways, not just the ways that are the most obvious. If I admire a stranger or study the beauty of a snowflake, Jophiel will always be there.

Likewise with an entity like Faviel, he kind of just does what he wants. By his very nature he is a free flyer. Sometimes he literally does straight up ignore me and that’s okay too. Sometimes I can tell he’s around but actively declining my call. He knows the difference between my genuine need for him and my random passive curiosity. He’s not my pet so he doesn’t stand by my leg all the time.

I’ve seen some hellenic devotees express that some of their Gods feel farther away during certain seasons (Apollon in the winter for example) so they amp up their offerings and celebrations to welcome them back in the spring. Your deities’ absence is the time to think about them most. There’s no need to mourn that which hasn’t died.

I can’t tell you for a 100% fact whether any given God loves us in the same way we experience love- because some of them genuinely just don’t. In the same way that you’re aroace, some Gods genuinely just don’t care about those kinds of relationships with humans lol- but in those cases it is quite easy to tell. Sometimes that level of intimacy isn’t necessary for the work being done. And yes, sometimes a God will definitely just reject you (HERMES REJECTED ME AT FIRST CAN YOU BELIEVE!?!)

But if you already have experienced a genuine connection then worrying about that is of no benefit to you.

These entities don’t really just sit around and wait for us to text them lol, they are very busy and important spirits with roles and things they need to do just like we do. Faviel is a messenger, Lucifer is a King, Jophiel is a chief and archangel, I’m sure your God is the God of something pretty important too. These fellas got work to do!

If Lucifer got mad at me whenever I was doing anything other than worshipping him, he’d probably think I didn’t care very much about him either- which isn’t very fair!

In my relationship with Lucifer especially, confidence was of the utmost importance. Simply put, if Lucifer put no effort in and did nothing in response to my calls, I wouldn’t be his devotee. I know that sounds harsh but it was Lucifer himself that taught me that I am worthy of being in his space, he does respect me and love me and I needed to be 100% confident and aware of that before he took me on. He actually scolded me a few times for “begging” him to appear because it seemed pathetic and he does not work with pathetic people. When you make that call you should be confident in your audacity to do so, you are more than worthy of an answer, there is no need to beg or worry.

If I worried that Lucifer doesn’t care about me every time I didn’t feel his presence that would be a way of casting doubt onto him. I need to be confident in our relationship even when it isn’t abundantly clear. I need to be able to find the light even when I can’t see it.

So in your case, maybe the reason why that feeling of love fades so quickly for you because as soon as you start to notice it, you start to question it and wonder if it’s really there. And then of course it won’t be- because you’re no longer feeling it but analyzing it. The next time you have this feeling allow your mind to go quiet and just let it happen. Don’t worry about anything else, feel it and cherish it and you will eventually become familiar and confident in it.

You got this!

[liauditore]

Hi, I love your art and ive been really enjoying reading all your rambling about characters. Do you have any thoughts about pearl? I dont think she gets talked about nearly enough.

Also, shipping bingo for pearl and cleo?

anon i have so many thoughts about pearl u have no idea

ok uhhhh first off HI UR TOO SWEET???? 😭😭😭😭😭 i never thought so many of you would actually read my unhinged rambles let alone enjoy them LMAO plus my art ok sometimes too ig

i feel like ppl actually give pearl a decent chunk of attention (i would say she gets way more than cleo does) but no amount is too much of pearl for me tbh i always want more so

pearls like uh. the most ever. babygirl. i think scarlet pearl was a bit of a turning point for her but i think she was always.. a little bit messed up. we talk about martyn essentially turning himself into ren's sword in 3L and i think LL pearl and scott have a somewhat similar dynamic, just less in your face about it. <-- thinking about her killing joel for scott multiple times, her essentially donating all her lives to him, etc.

she's a very lonely character i feel like. so the people who she does end up close to she will go insane for, literally being ready for give up her life for them.

if u want me to get hot take-y about it i think that read is why i've never been a big fan of her getting characterized as the crazy ex-girlfriend in fics and such. i always took scott calling her that as his version of events (and slandering her to get the rest of the server on his side), pearl i feel has such a pure devotion and need for love that i cant see her ever really considering romance.

ANYWAY THE SHIP BINGO

soz im a misogynist on this one 😔😔

like every other divorce quartet dynamic i go crazy about it but i don't really "see" anything between these two i guess.

they've always felt kind of detached from eachother to me. like they just can't fundamentally understand one another. pearl is naive but capable of feats way beyond regular people. cleo is all too familiar with the world and endlessly haunted by their own insecurities.

the whole mean girl energy directed at pearl during DL def didn't help their relationship. i like to think that LimL cleo did feel kinda bad about how she treated her? a lot of what cleo does in DL i feel was kind of influenced by scott's behaviour -- i don't think she even really hates pearl (they might even pity her) but she's not gonna be extending a hand out anytime soon either.

but yeah even in another universe where either of them knows how to be normal about their emotions i don't see the possibility for anything more. an apology and return to normal is as good as it's gonna get imo. they're just not close enough.

i also kinda feel that.. idk it's just kind of obligatory? like ppl are clawing and desperate and starving to get some toxic yuri and Trust Me i understand. but idk uh. the ship has to find me yknow. not the other way around. 🙏

[overandundertarot]

How can you find comfort right now?

Hello! This pick a pile is going to focus on how you can find comfort right now, whatever situation you may find yourself in, just some advice that could help soothe your soul.

Here are the piles(1-3):

Pile 1

Pile 2

Pile 3

These pictures are not mine, i found them on pinterest. :)

****

Pile 1;

Cards; 2 of wands, The hanged one, The devil and 4 of pentacles.

Life may be a bit boring right now, you may find yourself just going through the motions. As I write this, my heart is feeling heavy. Maybe you are being weighed down by your own expectations on yourself, and society's expectations as well. Also for some of you, you may be experiencing blockages in your heart chakra. What can help you to find comfort right now is doing something for yourself, I'm getting less of in the physical sense like a spa day or vacation, but something more spiritual in nature. You may be so caught up in the material world right now, making money, paying bills etc etc but you need to take some time to nurture yourself. Your life is lacking that sense of spark that is present when you arre contented and spiritually and emotionaly fulfilled in life. Some of you may want to change what you do and take another path in your job/career? But what you want to do may be quite different and maybe even frowned upon or considered weird. Advice for these people would be to combine your creativity and what you feel inspired to do with the structure that you may already have in place. A partnership would also be beneficial for you. Overall, what can give you comfort right now is turning inwards, nurturing yourself and your desires. Maybe start a hobby that you've always wanted to do that can allow your playful and childish side to come out. I'm getting something like drawing or painting colourfully, something you can do with your hands or something very active.

PILE 2;

Cards; The fool, The emperor, 5 of wands reversed, Knight of pentacles reversed.

Pile 2 you have soooo many opportunities and a lot of potential right now. You may be feeling overwhelmed and unsure how to go forward regarding whatever it is you want to do. For a few of you in this pile I'm getting that you may be starting over from a time in your life where you felt like the rug was pulled out from under you and your whole life came crashing down. A few of you may have devoted a lot of time to something but it never worked out the way you wanted, like a cruel twist of fate. ( but only some of you, it was a specific message). What you can find comfort in right now is routine, building a new routine to channel and direct your energy will give you a sense of stability that you need right now. Also, joining a course( like a university degree) or something that may give you an outlined path to what you want to do. Being rational and disciplined right now will help to bring a sense of comfort in your life.

Pile 3;

Cards; 5 of wands, Page of cups reversed, 8 of wands and The fool.

Pile 3 your message is really clear, lol. What can give you comfort right now is being silly and having fun. Following your desires and impulses and having fun without thinking much about it, not taking life too seriously. You may be worried about something like a competition or a debate? Or something of that nature has ended recently. Either way, whatever the outcome was/is, the most important thing is to enjoy yourself and not let yourself be carried away by anxieties or fears that may pop up. Allow yourself to be childish and treat yourself as well. I'm getting the image of a child at a festival/carnival just running around, playing games and eating icecream.

**********************

Thank you for participating in this pick a pile reading!!! I would really love to know if this resonated with you so please dont hesitse to give feedback or ask me anything on my blog!!

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

ASTRO TALKS: Moons & Venus PT.1

Alright just wanted to have a cool discourse about certain astro placements, we're going to start this off with some moon and venus placements. could be cancer or libra, could be conjunctions to square. doesn't really matter, it all resonates with this post. Lets go!

Cancer moons - Are you the star of your family? Don't overlook this question. I know the leos may got it as the golden star of the fam, but you guys have an interesting spark that inspires people. You may feel overlooked at times but we do notice it, your drive, your flow, your energy. We see you, shadows just don't show themselves in the light, is all.

Libra suns - Do you speak to a lot of people or is your social battery just always on overdrive? People tend to think you're this super extroverted person but sometimes.. you're just not. You know how to put on a show for people, but often times you like to be alone or with someone you normally trust.

Venus in Virgo - Hows your love life? Tired of picking the wrong ones? Stop playing small. That's my only advice here.

Do you trickle down to the nitty gritty details of your lovers? So much so that it could either make you want them a little bit more or truly be disgusted of them? One wrong itch and its downhill from here.

Moon Conjunct Venus - Do people devote most of their energy to you? If not, are you exerting to much force in your life? You might have your energy on overdrive, its time for you to relax. Get some air, enjoy the blissful life you know is yours. Your devotees come when you show up for yourself and desire for your emotional needs to be met.

Moon in the 1st - Are you really sweet n innocent, or is that the role you play? I see u ;) Lol nah jk... But seriously, do you know how calming your aura is? How special it is to be around you? Its not up for grabs lovely plz dont forget it. You have any interested you truly want to follow, your sacral energy (moon/venus ruled) needs more time to express itself in order to be healed and thrive w/ emotional sanity. Very emotional beings and your super power is in your raw ability to express your youth through your presence and vulnerability.

Moon in the 10th - Do you feel in control of your power? How nice are you too others? Would you say its too much?

You're over exerting yourself to allow others to see who you truly are.. Most never do. They see how sweet you are but they don't see the real deal thats underneath. Thats for the 4th house peeps and who touches that arena. Your joy is in your emotional sector, do right by it.

Venus in the 10th - A dream come true. Express your youth and beauty in the way you see fit. YOU are the social standard, remember that!

Do people like you for you? Are others jealous of your ability to be heard, seen, be loved etc. without you having to do or be anything for it? Do you know how special you are? How crazily beautiful you are? My question for you guys.

[sonny-whorezik]

haiii ... like a week short of a month since i left everything.... i just wanted to use as Journal and catch up before i do Fully return to social media, gettin rid of the app after this post yet again:

has . been . rough. grief has been consistent the last month from my best friend and now ex leaving me, losing that new job due to being physically sick from grief and being unemployed an additional month, my best best friend my dog, sage, passed away last friday and although i left to drive to kansas i just didn't make it in time. She has wind chimes over her grave and passed listening to the sound of the wind chime my great grandma left for me. two days after her passing marked the First Full Year since my grandpa passed away, i had a dream the night before where we drove around looking at christmas lights with people no longer in my life and he just looked so so sad. i am consistently physically alone; i facetime a couple friends but i go outside alone, sleep/wake up alone, eat alone, this has been going on since i left arizona in november Most of my time is spent completely alone.

ive tried new habits. i meditate and stretch in the morning and night. i read a page a day of a stoicism book my dad got me last year with a propeller hat. i see a therapist weekly, wake up earlier, even floss now. The complete back to back to back grief has left me no choice but to just Do Something. while i would Love to share something with someone its best i reserve it to myself, yet here i am vacantly sharing my last month to who knows who...

my friend invited me to see stop making sense last night in a farther town, showed the original film not the remastered and general admission was all standing and everyone acted as if it was a real concert dancing and singing. this was my 6th time seeing it in a theater. did not cry once yet celebrated the experience i have had and although i will never have anything quite like i did with someone quite like them, at least i had it for a good portion of my life. had to devote this must be the place to myself, foreign. to be completely transparent, i do miss them every day. i do not cry like i used to, i dont let myself get consumed by thought and feeling, ive grown more desensitized as time has passed, but i still miss them of course. i consistently see things that remind me of them even when theyre not on my mind and when sage died i wanted to reach out so terribly; reminisce of the fort we built where she slept with us and i had no one to talk to but my mom who was with her til the end. i didnt. i havent reached out. it is not my place given they were the one to leave i just will not keep reaching out and chasing someone who sounded so blatantly apathetic on our last phone call. i tell myself it was just a form of self preservation to them but yknow. like. that's it, i have no choice but to experience grief with self compassion and continue on, wherever that goes.

i may be starting TMS treatment , having magnets zap my brain 5 days a week, 6 weeks. i see a cardiologist on the 30th since my chest frequently hurts and both ekgs have concerns in the pause between beats. my pulse at resting is consistently around 120 yet my blood pressure is fine; who knows. well i guess ill know actually in 10 days. im finishing a vape, got a full pack of cigarettes ive yet to touch yet plan to quit smoking here soon in hopes it helps. maybe after my pack to eliminate temptation yet not waste my money... i bought it an hour before sage passed. i barely drink coffee and dont use energy drinks anymore i do what i can for my heart now.

atticus still sleeps with me, most nights. sometimes he wanders the living room when i cant sleep. im almost halfway through galapagos. i washed my sheets for the first time since buying them in august. im very much alone and this is all fine i tell myself. the stoicism has encouraged me to alter my perspective on things more rationally as opposed to the wired self deprecating and depression-based "take everything personally" thought processes ive had for 18 years. im on my phone significantly less and i even wrote a piece on piano i may share after this post. ive been transposing it to cello, my grandma requested.

i have no interest in perusing anyone anytime soon still, whether its still too early or what i think i do just Need to do these things alone for a while. ive never found sole stability in others, i learned this at 6 with my dad, yet while outside aid would help, it is not a requirement to live however. forgive me for how long this is and for leaving once again there are a few of you i used to talk to daily and now ive just got a few contacts in my phone.

despite chronic mental illness, mourning, loneliness, you name it, ive never taken this approach before. i will typically have a suicide attempt yet here i am doing a pancake stretch and ommm-ing every morning. i keep as busy as i can, today i went through every single thing i own to sort donations and the day before i deep cleaned. there is a box wrapped in a blanket of some of the things that remind me of them. i went through it today and brought out some things like the books theyve given me, it doesnt hurt as much anymore to remember. im donating the mugs i never gave them and the one theyd use at my house when theyd come over. all their letters havent been reread yet sit in between the photo of us in the cave. it was nice to see. i am so honored they let me, of all people, share these experiences with them. i am more thankful it happened then miserable itll never happen again; at least i had it for a while. i say this yet if a year passes and i hear from them, i would love to reconnect: hear how their life has been, what they've been doing, how their family is and if they are doing better. if this has helped. while for 6 years i believed they were really it for me, whether we ever dated or not ive always considered them the only one who Really Knew who i was, how i worked, you name it. although im "moving on" by taking care of myself more, it is upsetting to admit if i ever have a chance again, id take it in a heartbeat. i say this yet still believe Even if i do never get a chance, that's okay too. While i would, i dont anticipate it, rely on it, sit in denial "theyll surely come back," its alright if they never do. i live each day as if they never will yet to my core do know that i would try again

a knee ways .. i hope you, whoever reads, is doing okay, that you feel alright and what not. you dont have to feel good every day, but at the least alright i hope ... not sure if/when ill come back maybe just once a month im unsure yet .was just in a solid enough state to do this for a moment . wish you all well ,