#like i hate romance novels

[bpdohwhatajoy]

I’m your average person but with the capacity for love that only exists in romance novels

[oceans-beloved]

IT'S INTERNATIONAL VINCENZO DAY!!🥳🩷✨️

I maaaayyy have been late-ish with posting this but Dunyazad's 100% the type of person who'd wake Vincenzo up at mid night (if wifey's toxic bestie even let's him sleeps that is 👀) to wish him happy birthday and make him go through the whole scrapbook she made for him while cuddle attacking him~

The without anything written on it version because I worked hard on this and I'm gonna make it everyone's problem😤✨️

Mwah mwah~<3

[tungle-scant-sequels]

huevember 22! ngl I don't like this one as much but I wanted to try something design ish. may redo some time in the future

[cryptidcorners]

do you guys think he'd be super awkward at parties or is it just me? this loser probably only arrives for the food unless his bestie is there, lmfao.

[i-like-books-and-women]

Okay so I haven't listened to the book in the past couple days but there's this line from one of Zach's chapters that I can't stop thinking about cause it's like "good God that's so fucked" he says something along the lines of "I might have to work to transition from cute to hot but Rubens already there" and potentially in the same line but also maybe not cause I don't remember he says something close to "I have to make the switch from cute to hot if I want to have a career" which is like? Like it's so gross dude. Zach and Angel are barely 18 like tf- like yeah sex sells but Jesus christ what in the fuck. And then like the internalized issues?? Like it's not quite the same vein it's similar tho. I've always been "the fat kid" since I was in elementary school and let me tell you comparing your body to your friends' is literally the quickest way to start resenting them and hating yourself. Quite literally chorus was kinda pitting them against each other and started instilling body image issues in very impressionable teenagers and then was like *surprised Pikachu face* when they were all starting to show signs of depression and anxiety and started fighting and started doing dumb shit and drugs to try and cope.

[nocasdatsgay]

I read two Nesta/Azriel fics and why was this never an option??? My eyes are open, I can see in technicolor.

[enbysiriusblack]

remus loves folklore books, lily loves fantasy books, regulus loves classical books, peter loves comic books, emmeline loves detective books, dorcas loves poetry books, mary loves romance books, james loves sci-fi books, marlene loves rock magazines, sirius loves play scripts

[msmargaretmurry]

[coffee cup] romance novels: when do they work for becs and when do they not!!!

oooh okay! so i often call myself a romance novel enjoyer but not a romance novel lover, because romance as a genre often involves things that are at odds with what i love most in fiction. which is fine! many people love those things, there is a reason the genre is like that! it just means that it's rarer for me personally to find a romance novel that works for me on every level. (the things i'm talking about are, i don't usually like alternating POVs between romantic leads, i usually prefer my romantic storylines to be involved with the plot but not the MAIN plot, and my favorite romantic relationships in fiction are ones where i don't know going in that they're going to get together. i LOVE catching a detail or an interaction or sensing some chemistry and going "oh?? are they--?? and then greedily gathering more details as i read to try and figure out what feelings are happening. obviously this cannot happen in a romance novel because you know the endgame from the start!)

so what DOES work for a romance novel for me? i'm sorry this got so fucking long and it's mostly complaining so we're putting it under a cut.

firstly it has to be well-written and well-edited. i'm sorry but a lot of romance is not well-edited and it's so distracting to me. i'll often let a little bit of sloppy writing slide if it's a story i feel feral about, but because romance as a genre isn't built to make me feral, i need the writing to be tight or i'll get so distracted by nit-picking. like, i really wanted to love a caribbean heiress in paris but the female lead "muttered under her breath" TWICE on the FIRST HALF-PAGE. this is a whole different conversation but i do place the blame for this on publishing houses who do not care if these books are well-edited because they think their audience has low standards.

secondly, i need things to happen for real reasons. i listen to the "fated mates" podcast a lot because i find the craft side of it all super interesting. the hosts, who really love romance novels (as opposed to me, a romance enjoyer but not lover), often talk about things in romance novels happening or existing for "romance reasons," which are reasons that aren't really justified by the story/plot but that the reader goes with anyway for the sake of the story. romance reasons are almost never enough for me. i need there to be real worldbuilding. if it's contemporary romance, i need it to jive with how things work in the real world. if it's historical romance, there are different rules, because historical romance can run the gamut from trying to actually be historically accurate to totally made-up societal rules in a historical setting. i will meet the book where it's at, but i need the internal world to make sense. no romance reasons.

thirdly, relatedly, i need the author to know their shit. if a character is an athlete, i need the details of that sport to be accurate. if your character works as a nonprofit, i need it to be clear that the author understands the basics of how a nonprofit works. if your character is involved in politics, do not make up how politics work to serve your story, because i will be too annoyed to enjoy it. i read a het hockey romance the other day where there was a rumor about a popular player retiring an the author had a reporter from the ASSOCIATED PRESS show up at the LOVE INTEREST'S HOUSE to try to get details about it and then MORE MEDIA OUTLETS SHOWED UP TO CAMP ON HER LAWN about it. none of that is how any of that works. i don't need every detail to be perfect. i just need things to feel real.

fourthly, relatedly, i need real stakes and believable conflict and deeply drawn characters. i won't love a book just because it contains a trope i like. i need the trope to work with the characters and within the emotional stakes of the story. i need my romantic leads to have something inside them then genuinely needs healing, and i need to believe that they are people who make each other better. (note that this is for romance novels. in other genres i love weird little freaks who make each other worse.) i know some people like very fluffy low-stakes romances and i support them but those are not for me. the stakes need to not just be about the romance; there needs to be other stuff doing on, both internally for the characters and externally in the world around them.

lastly, if it's het romance, it needs to not be fucking weird about gender in a getting off on traditional gender roles kind of way. i WILL be turned off if you keep telling me about your tiny dainty fragile heroine getting claimed by your big strong serious man hero. like i have enjoyed plenty of historical romances set in very gendered societies where gender roles play a huge part in characters' lives, but you can have gender in grand and delicious ways without making patriarchy the kink. if you are making patriarchy the kink then your book is not for me.

oh sorry two more things. i love it when a romance author tries something off-beat for the genre. very little romance feels truly fresh and new to me, so it's exciting when an author pulls that off. also: when a romance novel has sex scenes that are also character-driven, not always 100% perfect sex, and don't feel skippable. that's the good stuff.

sorry this mostly just turned into complaining about things that i don't like 😂 but it really is for me less about "these things work for me" and more about "these are the things that DON'T work for me and i kEEP RUNNING INTO THEM." here are some of my favorite romance novels: evvie drake starts over by linda holmes. the countess conspiracy by courtney milan. think of england by kj charles.

[starswallowingsea]

Every time I think about how the Colleen Hoover fangirlies get mad when people even suggest that they should try and diversify their portfolios I get really, really sad. Like I don't think you have to read classics or anything and be an elite snob but if you limit yourself to just Colleen Hoover and maybe Sarah J Maas and a few other popular booktok authors, you're missing out on so so much. Even if you just want to find good new releases, keeping up with the book of the month club will give you plenty of options (even if you can't subscribe to them and have to get them from the library). Diversify your portfolio. Read older mass market paperback romances or literally anything else.

[mermaidsirennikita]

Princess update:

Our hero, DARIUS SANTIAGO (fantastic) had an incredibly sexy moment involving the heroine’s hair that ended in him stealing her hair ribbon to keep in his pocket (if there’s one thing this bitch loves, it’s a hair ribbon moment) and he only allowed himself this because his plan is

to ASSASSINATE NAPOLEON BONAPARTE

to keep Serafina safe, OBVI

and he fully expects to die so he’s like letting himself touch her albeit technically chastely

but Serafina, unaware of his assassination plans, is like “well now I have to go to a safe house and it’s going to be so BORING and you’re going to be my guard” and he’s like “um NO, plot aside, I am FOR SURE gonna fuck you if we’re alone for a week” and she’s like “EXACTLY”

to which he is about to stage a protest except just as her dad (previous hero, also despoiler of a virgin) approaches she’s like “COME WITH ME OR I TELL HIM YOU HAVE MY HAIR RIBBON IN YOUR POCKET MOTHERFUCKER”

and then

he is toast

[despair-tea]

Man who has not even considered reading a book this year: Why would I want to read a VISUAL novel? I don't need the pictures! I'll just read a regular book The girl who is desperately trying to crack his egg because "she'd be so fuckable you don't understand":

[asteria-argo]

the thing about being aromantic while also liking romance in fiction is that I actually don't like romance in fiction, because no one ever does it right

[via-val]

i want,,, magnus and alex bookstore dates!!! them just browsing the shelves, criticizing books that are clearly biased, alex reading excerpts of random books out loud to magnus and doing the voices, magnus showing some of his favourite comic issues to alex and (attempting) to do the voices. of course they have to make it competitive at some point so there's also a hidden quest: alex has to find a new comic for magnus to read and magnus has to find a book for alex that she'll like. it turns caothic very fast. sometimes magnus ends up with comics about fart jokes sometimes he gets really good ones. alex almost always ends up with some random novel because magnus is too afraid of giving her something in the romance section and fantasy as a genre is banned on the basis that "we deal with all that on the daily, provide me some good escapism, chase". they go for falafels and coffee after<3

[builtlikeastickofcelery]

TWO THINGS

one I am rewatching 2012 so I might make some stuff of that and not as much rise stuff (ill still remain loyal to rise capril tho and probably some other comics)

and two 

(I couldn’t find the one of him drinking tea with the same expression but it exists) look a reference!!!!!

[maxellminidisc]

Sometimes looking at my library suggestion page genuinely makes me go

[smol-blue-bird]

Greek mythology retellings that I like:

We updated this myth for a modern setting while keeping most of the story and major elements of the mythology intact

We made a story loosely based on or inspired by an old Greek myth, and we’re upfront about that

Greek mythology retellings that I don’t mind:

This is an adaptation for laypeople who have little familiarity with the subject matter, so we simplified some things out of necessity

This is an adaptation for children, so we kept it age-appropriate and handled the sexual/gory material in a non-explicit way

This is a ten-minute YouTube video that can’t possibly explain every tiny detail about this extremely complex topic, so we’re gonna stick to the basics

Greek mythology retellings that I loathe with every fiber of my being:

This is the Secret True Version of the original myth that historians have been hiding out of malice, and if anyone tells you otherwise they’re a liar who’s shilling for Big Archeology

The original myth was Wrong and Problematic and you’re Bad if you enjoyed learning about it, but don’t worry, I rewrote it to make it Good

I hate history, I hate reading, I hate the classics, and I especially hate ancient Greece. I did zero research whatsoever for this project and I have no respect for the source material or the field in general, and I’m very proud of that