#like i got better but the world around me did not and thats a tough fucking pill to swallow

[kencoded-kengirl]

can i just say something? back at your sister’s wedding, we had been promising the whole world that we could pull off the takeover and then you just went all around, the very next day, telling them all that your dad’s plan was actually better. no, it was implied, lightly, as a little... god! part of a tactical kind of joke. will you explain to me… the joke? because i don't get the fucking joke. MY GOD, STEW! i don't get the joke, i don't get the joke. it was something that dad said, that wasn’t true, that i needed to say. but you stood by his side, and he told you to say it, and you were like "okay, well, that sounds good to me." fuck's sake, i'm not doing this right now. you know i was in serious trouble, that was a play. you were okay because you are a tough fucking bitch who will always survive because you do what you need, you will do what — are you even listening? i was okay? — you will do whatever you need. yeah? really? yeah, you sure you're not projecting, because that is actually you. should we have a real conversation? with a trojan horse? no. that was a friendly thing. that was a friendly thing. yeah. sure. real friendly. yeah, no, i'm a trojan horse, you're a swan, you're a... you're a snake. actually, no, you're a fucking vampire. "here's a severed horse’s head for your ex-wife’s apartment, stew, why aren't you laughing?" i wonder if we shouldn't clear the air. yeah? yeah. sure. i think you can be a very selfish person and i think you find it very hard to think about me — what the fuck? — and i think you shouldn't have even signed those papers, actually. what the fuck? what the ACTUAL fuck? you proposed that to me. you proposed the bear hug at my lowest fucking ebb. i had relapsed, what was i supposed to say? perhaps "no"? i didn't want to hurt your feelings. thanks! thanks for that! yeah, you really kept me safe while you ran off to hide behind daddy. fuck off. you're a junkie — and then, and then… — obsessive junkie — you hid, you hid from me because you were so scared of how fucking awful you are. you were only with me to get to power. you got it now, stew, you've got it! I'M WITH YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! bullshit, you're fucking me for my DNA, you were fucking me for a fucking ladder because your whole family is striving and parochial. that's not... thats not a fair characterization. no? well, your dad loves me more than he loves you, because he's cracked. you want to... you want to actually clear the air? fine. you betrayed me. YOU WERE GOING TO LOSE ME FOUR BILLION DOLLARS, KEN! AND THEN YOU RAN AWAY TO NEW MEXICO AND YOU WON'T TELL YOUR FAMILY ABOUT US BECAUSE YOU NEVER EVEN THOUGHT, HONESTLY, THAT YOU’D BE WITH ME MORE THAN FOUR FUCKING YEARS, I DON'T THINK! YOU AGREED TO THE VOTE OF NO CONFIDENCE! YOU AGREED BECAUSE YOU WERE TRYING TO BACKSTAB ME! you're just... YOU’RE A BACKSTABBER! YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF THINKING ABOUT ANYBODY OTHER THAN YOURSELF BECAUSE YOUR SENSE OF WHO YOU ARE, KEN, IS THAT FUCKING THIN! oh yeah you read that in a book, stew? YOU'RE TOO FUCKING TRANSPARENT TO FIND THAT IN A BOOK! you're pathetic, you're pathetic. youre a masochist and you can't even take it. i think you are incapable of love, and i think you are maybe not a good father to your children! well, that's not very nice to say, is it? i'm sorry. i'm sorry, but you... you... you have hurt me more than you can possibly imagine. and you, you took away the last year i could've had with my dad. no. yes. no! yes. you tricked me and you made him hate me! it's not my fault that you didn't get his approval. i have given you endless approval and it doesn't fill you up because you're broken. i don't like you. i don't... i don't even care about you. i don't care. have we cleared the air, huh? feel good now? yeah. yeah. fucking great. tip top. you don't deserve me, and you never did. and everything came out of that. so fucking flat.

[hellyesbro]

I am so fucking sorry that this happened to you. I hope your okay

ok ok ok honestly??? I am going to make vent posts about this for a while. But psychologically this is a minor setback because when I was a teenager dudes loved trying to physically assault me on the street (they were just normally too fucked up out of the skull to do anything other than collapse when i pushed them) and that fucked me up about as much as this in that I totally obsessed about it and revolved my personality around being a cisman murder engine but that took time and healing and i got better. So I know I can get better again. I think people are right to know that I'm tough and can deal with this but I think they are dead wrong to think I can do it without their compassion and care. Like I appreciate the folks who are proud of me it makes me feel better but I really appreciate the folks who make sure I'm okay. It means the world. And its tough because healing from bpd means understanding concepts like "you can't force others to care about you" but that doesn't mean I can't still think it's fucked when they dont. Like one of my friends did nothing and didnt check in, my other roommate "damn, that's crazied" me, I had 2 FWB do the same, my other roommate was very compassionate at first but then when the adrenaline and shock wore off and my trauma response got maladaptive she was like "I did NOT like the way you handled that" and I was like BRO A LITTLE COMPASSION THAT WAS THE WORST SHIT FR FR CAN I HAVE A LITTLE SPACE TO FREAK OUT...... but yeah when yr friends tell u they got into a fist fight thats not light shit!!! its no looney tunes!!! U should check in on them and see if they're okay!!! getting publicly beaten bloody by a transphobe was not something to be taken lightly!!! But I'll admit to all the people who think it was brave or cool or kickass I will take it. But yeah I mean I could have avoided it by just keeping my head down or tucking my tail between my legs and avoiding them entirely. But I needed to give that cunt a piece of my mind because I literally could not stand to live in a world where nobody stands up to trash like him. My therapist was like "Damn thats hardcore I kind of stand by what you did though it might legally be assault and battery since you poured your drink on him" but that doesn't really matter right now.

TLDR I'm doing a lot better than I was, I'm still kind of in the "please check in on me and be gentle with me" phase but I'm slowly exiting that end entering the "I'm alright but a little messed up so I'll take your compliments but please dont think it's past enough for you to be like 'damn thats crazy' and I wont take some offense" SO IM A LITTLE SENSITIVE WITH ME BE GENTLE.

[kar1nsworldx]

. female!OC x Manchester City players . -social media AU . info; a story about Vinny, Kevins wife and the City boys 🫶🏻 they just goof around and have fun (all platonic interactions exept with kev, cause yk?hes my oc's wife in this lmao) . requested; nope :,) but their opened so send them my way cause i would love to write for you lot . note; i hope you all will enjoy this, and please send me requests if you would like to! 🫶🧸

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vinny.db

liked by kevindebruyne, userr 556 672 other people

vinny.db; got a fucking tattoo and i love it

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COMMENTS

tatts.studio: we hope you come again soon! ^vinny.db: you know i will 👀👀

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johnstonesofficial: stunning! do you got any recommendations on what I should get for my next one ^vinny.db: maybe something on your side? i'll dm you what i mean ^johnstonesofficial: ooo thanks vin!

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kevindebruyne: you wanna get matching tattoos ^vinny.db: oh fuck yeah! booking an appoitment as i tipe this rn 📝 ^kevindebruyne: shit.. ^rubendias: HAHAAHA good luck Kev ^jackgrealish: yeah mate thats on you 🤣🤣

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sara_botello: 😻😻😻

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kevindebruyne

liked by vinny.db, bernandocarvalhosilva and 782 652 other people

kevindebruyne; "Are you happy to be in Paris?" oui

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COMMENTS

vinny.db: 🧸❤️‍🩹

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bernandocarvalhosilva: nice outfits you got there 😂🩵

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vinny.db: credits to a 75 year old woman who offered to take a picture of us! merci madame blanc! ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 ^jackgrealish: 🤣❤️‍🩹

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jackgrealish

liked by vinny.db, johnstonesofficial and 472 641 other people

jackgrealish; on this day, 22 years ago I meet my best friend @vinny.db and the first thing we did together was sing kareoke 🤣❤️‍🩹

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COMMENTS

vinny.db: you really love embarasing me with these pictures, dont ya 😭😭

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kevindebruyne: miss.rockstar 🤣 ^johnstonesofficial: shes a lil cowgirl 🤣

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jackgrealish: love ya @vinny.db 🤣❤️‍🩹 ^vinny.db: o fuck off 😭❤️‍🩹🖕

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userxo: AWEE shes was soo adorable 🥹

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u_serrr: best duo ever <3

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vinny.db

liked by hns_cff, kevindebruyne and 782 552 other people

vinny.db; AJMO HRVATSKA! Idemo riješit Brazilce 🫶🫶 (Sorry Eddy) -Translation: LETS GO CROATIA! Lets finish Brazil 🫶🫶 (Sorry Eddy)

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kevindebruyne; sometimes I forget that your actually Croatian 😭 ^vinny.db: kev how 😭 i literally swear everyday in croatian 😭😭

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useriiii: wait your croatian?what?I tough you were english??😭 ^vinny.db: Hahah 😂 Everyone thinks that but yes Im croatian. My mum and I moved to England after my dad left us and my actual name is Vivijen Veršić. (Obvi my last name chamged after I married Kev). When I meet Jack he called me Vinny as he coudnt say Vivijen so it just stuck :) So if I meet someone I just tell them that Im Vinny so they dont have to twist their toung to say Vivijem bc its actually hard to say it for some people 🤣

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erling.haaland: and croatia won against brazil 🤣 ^vinny.db: ofc they did ❤️‍🩹 croatia 🔛🔝

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ederson93: 🥲🥲🥲 ^vinny.db: sorry eddy 😭🫶

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vinny.db

liked by ilkayguendogan, laporte and 682 542 other people

vinny.db; this is me after this absolute shit ass game against argentina - @juliaanalvarez if you dont win that fucking final i swear I will make an time machine and make you win it. I cannot see the french win the damn world cup again after we were robed last world cup. WIN IT JULI (also congrats :))

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COMMENTS

juliaanalvarez: we will do our best to win it 😅❤️‍🩹 ^vinny.db: you better do your best spiderman 🕷️❤️‍🩹

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kevindebruyne; me and @jackgrealish as well as the other boys and gfs/wifes can confirm that Vinny cried a whole ocean of tears during and after the game. She also swore the fuck out of every argentinian player exept Dybala and Juli 🤣😭 ^jackgrealish: shes still crying 😭😭 ^laporte: Sara and the other girls are comforting her while they all talk shit about the refs and VAR 😭 ^vinny.db: every single FIFA ref, VAR member and every member ingeneral can roll over and die for all i care. Theres people (that arent even croatian) on TWITTER shitting on them for bad decisions. I hate FIFA ^obafemi.5: 😭😭

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user-xxx: 😭💔

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vinny.db: i need a drink im to sober for this shit ^rubendias: 🤣😭

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mancity: �� <liked by vinny.db

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vinny.db

liked by kevindebruyne, jackgrealish and 872 652 other people

vinny.db; soo.. alot of people have been asking why I havent posted anything about myself. Heres why :)

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COMMENTS

kevindebruyne: cant wait to have our first kid with you ❤️‍🩹🫶 ^vinny.db: i cant wait either ❤️‍🩹🧸

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jackgrealish: still cant belive that my best friend is having a kid with one of my best mates and that i'll be the god father. holy shit 🫶 <liked by kevindebruyne ^vinny.db: love ya grealo 🫶

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sara_botello: girly your glowing ❤️‍🩹 ^vinny.db: now lucay will have someone to play with soon 🧸 ^laporte: ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

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johnstonesofficial: congrats! xx 🫶 ^vinny.db: thanks godfather number 2 xxx ^kevindebruyne: ❤️‍🩹

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mancity: congrats to you two 🩵 <liked by vinny.db and kevindebruyne

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kevindebruyne

liked by kylewalker2, nathanake and 652 732 other people

kevindebruyne; welcome mason 🩵🧸

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COMMENTS

jackgrealish: @johnstonesofficial STONSEY WERE GODFATHERS 🫶🫶🫶🫶 ^johnstonesofficial: I KNOW GREALO 🫶🫶🫶🫶 ^rubendias: congrats to you two 🤣 ^bernandocarvalhosilva: what ruben said 🫶 congrats!

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sara_botello: congrats to you both! if you need anything you know me and ayme will be happy to help ❤️‍🩹 ^inesdegenertomaz: same goes for me and bernando! 🫶

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ederson93: congrats 🩵

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juliaanalvarez: cute lil guy 🕷️🩵

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ilkayguendogan: 🫶🩵

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kylewalker2: new city supporter has been born 🤣🩵

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nathanake: absolutely adorable 🫶

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obafemi.5: 🥹🩵

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vinny.db

liked by mancity, sara_botello and 343 652 other people

vinny.db; little guy is ready to see his daddy play irl for the first time 🥹🫶

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COMMENTS

mancity: our new superstar! 🌟

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sara_botello: cute like his mother ❤️‍🩹

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inesdegenertomaz: cutie 🩵

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[ritothebookworm]

Theodore was a simple girl. She always did her best and did what she was asked to do. She wanted to live a simple life. Such was the way of Theodore. Now Theodore was special to those around her. While her body told otherwise. She was a sure of it.

Now while her life was not perfect she was satisfied with how things are. She was nothing more than a girl in a unfair world that chewed you out and made you hate everything around it. This in turn did not know on Theodore. She was satisfied. That's the best to put it.

While the world was unfair, it also was another thing. It is also unpredictable and more complex that others give the credit to. So whenever aliens began invading the planet and changing it for the better Theodore did not mind at first.

If anything she just began to feel annoying, a lot of what the invaders was for "the greater good" and "to make it safer" in her opinion it was just ... too much? That would be one way to put it. Everything changed in a week. One day we where under the unfairness of world and in the next we where in a war and literally the next day Everything was calm and sweet.

Theodore was sastifed but a little bit annoyed if anything. The invaders called... affini was it? Yes affini. They where the condescending bunch. Well meaning and care for those to the point where they would do anything got them, to make there life painless, to bad that Theodore was different form most. She is a tough women. Extremely tough women who has been through everything.

Her age proves that fact. She was pretty that her scars, her robotic body parts, her handcrafted prosthetics and eyes was more of enough to tell a tale which she has told to many times.

Theodore was extremely annoyed at the fact that affini wanted to "help" and "fix" her. Bitch she does not want to be fix in fact. She wants to be herself. She is a simple women. A simple girl she did not need to be taken care off, She was a grown women who managed to do the impossible in a unfair world. She wanted to enjoy her time in a world thats no longer unfair.

Her world was not perfect. She knew that, while the world was better she was missing something. That thing was long lost so no need to worry about that. The affini are miracle workers? Well if they want to help her find that thing she lost and she will consider it.

...

...

Now here is something, did you know that affini have something called wellness check? Where they come and check up on you whenever they suspect that there is a problem. Now you may be wondering why I am bringing this up. Well turns out that making your entire home be a makeshift studio where you make basically everything form scratch. So what if making a Demon core is an offense I wanted to see what was the big deal about it.

I been a "ward" for over three years. Me an the boss (that affini women that has been taking care of me) have grown close to me. Boss allows me to do anything with supervision. She allowed me to keep most of my modifications, just make them less chaotic. Her words not mine.

Ain't this a bother, boss has been bothering me many things. Trying to learn about me. I don't like to speak about myself given that it's annoying.

Boss asked about "Thing I lost" I let it slipped out. It was rough for a minute. Turns out, I was very complicate before that. She was surprised for a while what I am capable off when pissed. Enough to say, I lost most of my created tools and modifications and not allowed to do anything. I still took a chunk out of her. Worth it. She told me to tell what that thing was. It is my sister. I lost her years ago. Military. The accord is a bitch. So after a lengthy conversation between her and me, we ... became close. Closer than before.

It's been about a 7 years. I became her floret. Turns out it was much more hard to "break me" it's funny before anyone meet me they could not get dent in me and now? Well here we are. Today there was supposed to be surprised an award for been a good girl and finally coming to terms with everything.

We went to the part. Walked and walked and did our usual shenanigans. Ya know to be completely honest this not much of a surprise. I was thinking I was going to get access to the blueprints of a affini ship and-

"Theodore?"

...I turn and- everything became a blurry everything is hard to think no-that can't br that's not- "Isabella?"

"Hey"

"...hey"

The only thing that could be heard after that was the laughing of an affini.

[voidimp]

Desire, guilt and hunt for oli?

desire: What's one thing your OC wants more than anything in the world? Are they open with that desire? Why or why not? What would they do to fulfill it?

this is always such a tough question for me to answer bc the concept of Having An End Goal is such a foreign concept to me. ppl are really out here trying to do specific things?? knowing what they want out of life? i could never. & honestly like... obviously i cant give that to every character bc it would get boring real fast but i think i can give it to oli. i dont think they really have something in mind!! im not sure they would be able to answer the question themself, in terms of either material or immaterial goals. like especially being. however old they are (at least a century at this point idk specifically) theyve done a lot of things, theyve had a lot of experiences, theyve definitely collected lots of stuff. i think they tend to just go after something until they either get it or get bored of trying.

to kind of answer the second part, it would depend on the specifics; they might be open about it, if they think that would help them obtain it, & they probably wouldnt ask for help but might try to convince people to help in a less direct way. they dont like to ever seem like they need assistance from other people... even when they do.

i guess for a more serious answer their main goal is just be the freedom to do whatever they want forever lmao

guilt: What is your OC guilty about? How do they handle their guilt? Do they try to avoid guilt, or do they accept it?

REPRESS THAT SHIT!!! NEVER FEEL BAD ABOUT YOUR PAST ACTIONS except when they compound & u suddenly break down & have a panic attack about it BUT THATS PRIVATE!!!!!

theyre very stubborn, so they try to convince themself that their actions were justified, that they just did what they had to, but theyre... not always right. theyll overreact & then act like they had no other choice but still feel bad about it & pretend they dont. it kind of just ends with a lot of conflicting feelings all around.

as for what theyre guilty about, um. well the killing people is definitely the big one. it hasnt actually happened often, despite the whole being a vampire thing (generally speaking the amount of blood theyd be taking wouldnt actually be enough to kill someone), but theres a few instances they havent quite gotten over yet. they still have some lingering guilt about their brothers death back when they were kids, even though it wasnt their fault. theres not much else coming to mind thats really notable, theyve definitely got some bad habits that theyre not super proud of but no particular instances that were more significant than the rest.

one thing theyre not guilty about (usually) is whatever happens as a result of them sharing the bits of information theyve picked up about people. if they dont want their secrets getting out, they should be a little better at keeping them secret.

hunt: Who or what is your OC hunted by? A person, a feeling, a past mistake? Is your OC able to let their guard down, or are they constantly alert?

ok so. this one has been tripping me up for fucking ever. i do not know how to answer it. if it was haunt i think i could answer it more easily (oli has been around for a while, theyve done a lot of things & known a lot of people & made more than their fair share of mistakes) but hunt? i dont know that theres really anything or anyone in particular theyre hunted by. i feel like it would be a more situational thing? like if theyve pissed someone off recently, or if someone has caught onto the vampire thing... so i guess like. not really anything specific, just the looming threat that someone could have their eye on them?

[penumbrialhexandroga]

I put this in a discord chat im in but i wanted to put it here too. Today i got diagnosed by my therapist with c-ptsd.

Hhhh today is a day of surthriving. Had therapy this morning and was rough, but i was able to communicate some of my frustrations well. Got some clarification on stuff. Like he said forget about any of the schizophrenia stuff, i dont have it, so thats a relief. He said for a clinical dx i do have CPTSD. And that my episode that id had before when i started seeing him was a dissocaitive episode. So it was nice to get clarification on that i was thinking it was like a psychotic or manic or something but dissociative makes sense with what all went on. Ugh gah but then talked with a real young part and stuff coming up and just ugh fuck i hate. People. Just very heavy. Having things validated. But im so grateful for the coping mechanisms ive developed. Hhhhhhh fuck its just hard. Heavy heavy heavy. Just trying so hard to keep every thing contained so i can get through work. Thank god for Work Mode 🙏. Id been dxed with ptsd already but i did suspect it was cptsd but man having that validated by a therapist ugh i just feel like ive been taking punches and punching brick walls >.< idk i just wanted to express this all somewhere. "Put it out there"

Thats what i put in the chat earlier.

Idk i wanted to write about it i guess. He was saying too how like a diagnosis yknow its fluid it can change. Which im fully on board with i know it can only really be a snapshot of your current whatever experiences. But one thing i really appreciate about getting that dx and that validation and assurance is that it supplies me the language to tell my story. I realized that that was one issue that i had with how generally non-pathologizing my therapist is. Its also something i appreciate about him though, but i just felt like i couldnt really. Like not even tell my story but know my story. I felt lost and confused and uncertain about what my experience was and how i fit in with the world and people around me.

Who really am i? What defines me as an individual? It helps me answer these questions more fully. Not to say my diagnoses are all that i am or can capture the complexity of me as a being.

Its incredibly validating to do this work. I feel alive and autonomous in a way i never really have before. Some of the parts i work with are so so young. If i wasnt doing this work with a therapist i dont think i would really be able to do it. So im very grateful for my circumstances that allow me that. Although i can tell my therapist wants to do more frequent sessions, but it is expensive and insurance sucks so. Idk. Is what it is.

Ugh but this work also fucking sucks and makes things so so hard. But i know im better for it. Gahhahahshbsgdgdgdhd.

Oh man im also really glad too he labeled what that episode was. I was thinking it was a psychotic or manic and maybe i had bipolar, bc some of my family has been dxed with that. But no he said it was CPTSD. and a dissociative episode. Which man even just writing that out again its just. I cant even really identify how it makes me feel its just this kinda hmmm pressure?? Electrical flux? Along the back of my head.

Im grateful for being able to communicate better with my parts too. I was able to get across some things today that i havent been able to for a while and im glad things went well, even if it got tough. Really friggin tough. I know im moving in the right direction.

Id already been diagnosed with ptsd but that was through my psych who specialized in autism and idk it didnt really sink in. Its different now getting diagnosed by someone who knows me very well, ive been seeing him for like over two years now, so i have a lot of trust in his oppinion. But gosh so many raw nerves. Plus its c -ptsd which like, doesnt mean its worse than ptsd or anything lol some people seem to think that but thats more what i was suspecting. It just made more sense to me than standard ptsd with all the dissociation. But i feel really validated and seen and heard and hmm self assured even! Which is so rare for me. I feel like there was a lot of movement and change today. So this post is really just to commemorate it all. Getting diagnosed with cptsd tho, for me its very different than it was getting diagnosed with autism. Maybe thats because of meeting with that part right after tho :/

[away-ward]

Newcomer here and i just finished nightfall, wanted to share because i saw your fics. Unwanted confessions, and idk if you've received these kinds before: dn series made me feel old. These characters mature so fast and were so sexualised since they were young, and later on being only in their mid 20s, acting as if the world will collapse just because they dont have kids or make babies at 24. They gave me white christian religious parents trauma frfr. Their obsession of being liberal but gender roles still being so conservative put the feminism movement back to 200 years ago, i fucking hate every characters in this series except for emory, frfr. Like they can be dark romance rich billionaires and have amazing char arcs but what the fuck was that series? Dn made me believe, rich white privilege people and blonds are really THAT fucking stupid. I'd like to go to the US just to see blond white privileged americans act like rika & winter frfr.

oh, And that wuss ass "lover" guy will grayson who "claimed" to love emory scott so much (🙄) reach out to her yada yada, while fucking around with other women and having threesomes here and there so easily, it was NOT swoony or romantic. He's cheap as fuck, i hate manwhore male characters like him so fucking much. And they just excuse his shit because he was pining for emory, as if he fucking deserves her or somthing. I swear, will grayson does not deserve emory scott, but thats my unpopularopinion. if he had cared enough about emmy, he shouldve fought for her harder. Urgh, i hate weak male characters, such a turn off. All that nightfall plot happening only because he was the weakest of them, yikes. Cant believe he was only ever a man with emory, it's giving "she's only tough when a man saves her" trope, but in reverse, and oh, what does that looks like? Rika fane and winter ashby's arcs! Rika, winter and will, three dumbest characters of the series, frfr. No wonder damon liked them, theyre so similar with one another. Emory scott's patience is truly better than mine.

And Dont even get me started with alex. I hate her in noghtfall. Why did pd butcher her charcter like that? I was shocked, girl! Shocked! Not even banks and rika who treated her like shit initially got a slap, and emmy who didnt even bother got one? In a conversation thats not even about her? The fuck? Where's the girl's girl personality at? Out the window now that her love life with aydin was threathened? Wow. Worse is, they're friends (emmy alex).... i hate pd for this, they just cannot write two pretty female friends who thrive. They always make their male caharcters have amazing bonds with each other, but all fmcs had some sort of internalised misogynistic catfights. If pd can give us willdamon, they can give us rikalaex, banksemmy, alexemmy amazing female frienships alright. Pd just chose not to. And notice how all of their other books, the girls were always around men, but no amazing same-age female presence in their live? Even emmy admitted she was not familiar around woman. Like?? She had amazing relationship with her mom and grandma was compared to the rest no? Why cant we have at least this in this whole disgusting male worshipping series? Istg, there was no reason for pd to build up a powerful and empowering worldbuilding for a women like the horsemen's wives but only to make their same teachers to be men, who never had to know what it feels like to struggle as a woman, ESPECIALLY in their society in thunder bay? This happened in birthday girl, in fall away, misconduct, like??? Its a pattern atp. I hate it. If you have any book recs thathave amazing female relationship between women, please do share, i need some cleansing from all these stupid male chars.

Other than that, i guess i shouldnt have ever expected monogamy or exclusivity in relationships when it comes to pd's books too. These chars are all so overly touchy. I heard about the rikabanks bonus, and it ruined hideaway and corrupt for me. Because why is banks whole ass personality about being jealous of rika, being so caught with damon and kai, AFTER A WHOLE DECADE. does she not have a fucking hobby or go to therapy or something? Stupid as hell. And why is rika being in the centre a.fucking.gain. God, shes dull af, pd just stop! What also pisses me off even more is when people can freely kiss and touch will (like alex, winter to will in killswitch and noghtfall train scene), but god forbid emmy had the same attention or touchesfrom other men, that bitchass grayson starts to act up, as if he fought for her life or something. Fuck him honestly, atleast damon admitted he was a literal piece of shit. I hate people and chars like will because theyre so hypocritical. Never in a million years i would expect to hate will in his own book, but god damn, he really really ruined nightfall for me. Not a single redeeming quality to that fucker. He made me swore so much. I already hated him for his treatment to rika banks and winter in the previous books, and now him with emmy? And just watching emmy getting hurt again again again, not only by her world and herself, but also by will, by his own friends, and by the people associated to his world like aydin and taylor, and never standing by her side through it all? Yea. No. Fuck man, i hate will grayson so much. I wouldve given up on him by the end of the train scene, ngl.

will grayson will never be a real man to me. Like he's a wuss, my girl emory deserve better. "His only mistake was he loves too much", no his mistake was being a hypocritical self-righteous shallow privilege entitled narcissistic assaulting male whore. And Thats only the tip of the iceberg of his shitty character. Nightfall ws the biggest scam.

i honestly just wanna vent out my feelings about this book, because i just finished nightfall, and hooooo i never thought i'd hate will, man. Never thought i'd hate him like i hated michael and damon but here we are. It's always the hypocritical angelic male ones that ends up being scum like this. Oo at least kai was only whiny and hurt rika/ banks and bare in mind, kai was still fucking shit and i hate him, but god damn, will grayson really was the biggest disappointment of devils night series for me. I immediately went to tumblr to check out his tags and found your fics, and i'd like to say, i like your will only 5% more. I cannot imagine will being that good to emmy honestly, so i guess it stays as a wish fulfillment for me as a fan of emmy. I might fucking hate will, but emmy loves him so wtv. If emmy had done one wrong thing, its will grayson. i cant lie, this was shocking to me because i went into this book expecting to like will. But i only came to meet a whiny loser ass white privilege guy who never had to suffer anything other than the consequences of his and his friend's actions? Wow, not enough that we had this kind of man irl, theyre everywhere in fiction too, god! And people hate rika more? Nah, i hated rika, but never more than will grayson frfr. Theyre all so fucking dumb. And on that dumb note, whats with the chars (except for emmy) always anticipating damon? He never served? He talked shit so much, but never actually served? The fuck? At least in haunting adeline, zade meadows did what he said. Damon was just the guy thatblabbers too much, but do nothing. And even when he had plans, its always with someone else's help? Huh? Cant believe they compared zade to damon. Theyre both scums, but at least zade had creds, and then theres damon, the bland no-skills wolf-like guy.. ughhhh 🤮🤢 i hate when author tries to use shock value to hide their awful arcs, because damon torrance and rika fane were two of their mostshitty ass chars arcs written so far. Plus michael. Michael was like a standee to his friends, but thats a whole nother topic.

i honestly dont know if its fine for me to rant here since im a newbie but if you dont feel comfy, you can just delete this post, just wanted to vomit my rants yk.

i honestly dont know if its fine for me to rant here since im a newbie but if you dont feel comfy, you can just delete this post, just wanted to vomit my rants yk.

Honestly, I have inadvertently cultivated a place for people to send their anonymous rants, so I guess why not? It’s fine.

To be perfectly honest, though, there’s not a lot for me to reply to.

First, thank you so much for reading my fics! And for hating them 5% less that the series. I’m going to take it as a compliment. If it wasn’t meant that way, then let me live in delusion.

Of course, the characters in my fics are a bit more idealized. I write them the way I wanted them to be, which if you read other portions of my blog, is far from what PD has given us. That’s fine, they own the characters; they can write them however they want. But I wrote something that was self-indulgent and soothed over the parts of the series that hurt the most for me, or that I felt were the most intriguing. I wrote them for me first, and posted them in case it helped anyone else. I’m happy that people enjoy them, but I know they’re not everyone’s tastes.

Second, I guess I’ll say I’m sorry about Nightfall. The sour feeling of being let down, I think, is one that most of us are familiar with here.

Ummm. I do think it’s a little weird that you’ve read multiple PD books, and even finished the DN series… especially since you were looking forward to Will. Because I hated Will for the first three books and if I weren’t curious about Emory, I wouldn’t have finished the series at all. I also find it equally weird that your first impulse after finishing a series you hate is to go to the tag of the character you hated the most? I mean, I’ve definitely clicked on hot-takes I know I’m going to disagree with and hate-read things, but it’s not my go-to.

I’m sure the Emory tag is lovely.

I haven’t read any of PDs other books, so I don’t know how they compare.

Beyond that,

I swear, will grayson does not deserve emory scott, but thats my unpopularopinion.

Maybe if you were to poll everyone who has ever read the series, that would be an unpopular opinion, but I think if you look back about six months on this blog, you’ll probably find a dozen or so messages almost exactly like this. So, around these parts, it’s not such an unpopular opinion. I think most people who message me probably feel the exact same way.

But I’ve already written essays of poorly done character analysis to defend Will, Emory, their relationship, and his relationship with others. There’s not much for me to add to that without just restating myself. I share some of the same opinions as you, and some different ones. I don’t think your thoughts and feelings are very unpopular at all.

If you have any book recs thathave amazing female relationship between women, please do share, i need some cleansing from all these stupid male chars

Unfortunately, I haven’t had a lot of time to read lately, so all of my recommendations would be old. When I do have the time, I’ve been rereading stuff.

I also don’t have KU, so I’m not familiar with the catalog. I had it at one point, specifically to read Nightfall, and afterward I started a lot of different series, but there wasn’t a lot that caught my attention. I’m sure there are a lot of KU readers with blogs around that would be able to offer you a rec.

I have recently reread the English version of Hana Yori Dango, or Boys Over Flowers. One thing I noted was how amazing the female relationships are. They’re so positive, even when the girls are conflicted. It’s a manga, 37 volumes long, so of course it would take a diagram or a PowerPoint to break down how this is, but it was something I really appreciated on this read through. The girls are all very different, too, without feeling like they're cardboard cut-outs. If you’re at all interested in manga, and I know not everyone is so no worries, I highly recommend it. It’s honestly a superior take on the “4 rich boys who cause trouble” and their romances.

I’ve also been rereading Sempre, which I mentioned before. That’s sort of a mafia romance, but I would categorize it as dark. I’ve been noting how supportive the female relationships are there as well. I’ve really been enjoying that this time around.

And that brings me to a TV show, actually. I’ve mentioned it and reblogged a lot of Leverage stuff, but it truly is a comfort show for me. Parker sits very close to Emory in my heart, and I had hoped that Emory would have some of the same opportunities to develop relationships that Parker had. Parker’s relationship with Sophie is so interesting and nice to watch unfold.

In fact, something I haven’t said before because I don’t think anyone would understand it, is that I had hoped that Alex would become more like a Terra-type character. For anyone interested, here’s an episode. You’d need Amazon to watch it, but it’s probably free somewhere anyway.

Anyway, that’s all I got right now. I truly am sorry that it was such a bad experience for you. You’re welcome to stick around, but I’m sure since you hated so much, you’re ready to move on after unloading like that. But it’s all good either way. I hope you’re on to better and better things.

Take care of yourself!

With love and appreciation,

-KO

[system-of-a-feather]

monk question: did you prefer natalie or sharona and why?

Okay so I just got back to Natalie being in the show so this might change as I continue rewatching it since I already feel my perspective shifting a bit - but when I was younger I didn't really like Sharona much at all cause she felt a bit mean and kind of abusive but having actually rewatched it as a like 22 year old, honestly I liked her being around a lot lot more than I did when I was younger? She felt very real and I think a lot of what felt as being "mean and kind of abusive" was actually just boundaries and living in a capitalistic world. She's a little abrasive and "wild" for a lack of better words, but she was pretty interesting and as far as the dynamic with Monk went, their opposing personalities yet how they worked together was pretty good.

In it's own way, I also think as someone who has been in targeted treatment for OCD for two years (like it was my primary diagnosis before PTSD started becoming way too apparent), the realistic tough but not authoritarian love lowkey was really helpful in helping me get better with some of my shit.

Natalie I've only seen for like... half a season? Less maybe in my rewatch? I know when I was younger I liked her a lot better, but so far I actually am feeling my current opinion is that she feels a lot more lukewarm and watered down version of Sharona. I have to see how my opinion changes as we see their dynamic develop, but as it is I think as a child, younger me saw "Oh well thats mean >:[ you can't be threatening to leave all the time" and older me sees "Oh well, yeah capitalism, I get it honey. You can't work for free and the fact that you tolerate it and have shown to even care when money is factually not viable at the moment, I get it. I get it. Capitalism and the real world is hard. You go queen."

So I guess, when I watched it when I was younger, I was HARD team Natalie. Watching it now that I'm older, I'm leaning Sharona, but waiting to see.

-Riku (Host)

[beskarhearts]

Tension (Javier Peña x reader)

gif credits @bestintheparsec

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader (no use of Y/N)

Warnings: mentions of drinking/prostitution, use of the word whore, canon typical violence (shooting), cursing, SOFFTTT Javi (bc I am a hoe for it)

Word count: over 7.1K

Summary: Your relationship with Javier Peña was complex enough and becoming a source to relieve tension for each in a surprising way made it even harder to navigate.

Notes: SURPRISE SHAWTY! I have never written for someone other than Din so I am pretty nervous about this. I love Javi so so so much but I don't know if I write him well. So please give me your honest opinions, like, reblog, share, etc. It means the world to me!

______________________________________

You knew who was knocking at your door before you even opened it. You didn’t know how you always knew but something deep down in you could always just tell, almost instinctually - like your gut knew it before your mind even did. It wasn't like the knock always followed the same pattern. No tell-tale melody that echoed into the still walls of your apartment that clearly indicated whose hand was knocking away. It was always sharp and short but never quiet the same. Yet you knew.

You let out a small puff of air as you dragged your legs over to the door, tossing it open and not even sparing a glance at your visitor as you stumbled to the bottle of whiskey on the empty coffee table you had. “I’m trying to drink into complete oblivion. Go away.”

You poured the golden liquid into the cup, giving yourself a more than fair portion which you greedily gulped. You allowed the warmth of it to wash over you, fill your senses if only for a moment. The silence continued to drag on and you thought that maybe, just maybe, he had left until a husky, hoarse voice spoke out. "Care if I join?"

He sounded exhausted, beaten down. You supposed you sounded the same but it seemed to be more impactful when he was. He sometimes tried to seem so cocky and put together in front of you, didn't ever want his tough façade to crack in front of other people. But in the end, you were both fighting the same battle - one that often left you feeling hollow at the end of the day.

You looked around the apartment you had, your eyes dancing across the plain walls and rarely used furniture. It had become a place for you to merely sleep and drink, and thats if you even had time to drag yourself home. It was empty and lonesome and it had none of the warmth or refuge that a home was supposed to offer. It reminded you of yourself - cold and bare and vacant. And you didn't want to be reminded of that. Hence why you were seeking some semblance of something within the alcohol that danced over your tongue.

Maybe he needed the same. Or maybe you were just hoping he could be the something that would make things a little better.

"Knock yourself out, Peña." you finally spoke, your own voice laced with the kind of exhaustion that was so strong that it made it so you couldn't even sleep. Like sleep and rest was a foreign concept meant for people that weren't you. Meant for people more deserving and more normal. You finally turned as the dark-haired man leant forward, his fingers grazing yours as he grabbed at the bottle. You tried to ignore the rush that ran through you at the contact but after all, isn't that why you allowed him to stay?

He brought the bottle directly to his lips, taking a long sip from it as his eyes fluttered slightly. You scoffed as you walked away, dropping your body on the couch you had and looking up at him. "Thanks for drinking out of the bottle, asshole."

You held out your cup as he neared, allowing him to pull it from his lips and pour it into your glass. Once he had done so, he sat down on the couch next to you and leaned back, letting out a long sigh. You couldn't help the way you studied his face. His brows were furrowed, looking almost stuck in the position, as well as the wrinkles on his forehead that were scrunched up. His neck was trickled with sweat from the baring heat of Columbia as his chest rose and fell, his button-up shirt revealing some of the skin of his collarbone. He took another long sip of the whiskey, bringing the bottle to rest at the coffee table. "This whiskey tastes like shit."

"Then go home and drink your own whiskey." you countered, taking a sip before bringing your own glass down to the table, next to the bottle.

His head lolled over to look at you, brown eyes tracing over your own as you settled into the couch more, bringing your legs up. "I don't want to go home."

The words were said so softly and you understood them. The brokenness and the wear and tear of the job. You tried your best to give him a small smile but was afraid your own face was stuck in a scowl of sorts. "Then don't complain about my liquor."

A small chuckle finally left his lips at your joke, warm air that smelled like cigarettes and whiskey fanning over you. You didn't want to bask in it, show you enjoyed it. But for some reason you did. You had hated the stench of cigarettes before. Thought it was absolutely deplorable. But that was before Peña. Before the smell of cigarettes and liquor always made you think of the DEA agent you had come to simultaneously despise in some ways but also admired greatly in others.

You tried to pull yourself from the endless stream of thoughts that ran through your head, all of which consisting of Javier Peña. But you found it difficult to and you didn't know if it was because the effects of the liquor or the intoxicating pull that he somehow had on you. A small gasp almost left your lips as one of his hands reached out to grab at your knee, coarse fingers gently drawing small movements into your skin that felt like they were being etched into the deepest chamber of your mind. These were the small things that he did that stayed with you. Things you would sporadically remember throughout your day and would make your stomach do twists.

"Peña, what are you doing here?" you asked, not pulling away from his movements despite the future wellbeing of your mind begging you to do so.

"Call me Javier."

You froze, raising a skeptical eyebrow as he turned away from you, staring straight into the bottle that sat in front of him. You couldn't remember a time you had ever called him by his first name. When you had first met him, you had called him Agent Peña and he had teased you for doing so ruthlessly. Saying how your experience in D.C. had made you too much of a goody two-shoes for Columbia. You had resented it at first but ultimately let it get to you, instead calling him just Peña. Calling him his last name had just been a natural thing now, something you always did. First names felt too personal, too deep. Like you were stepping over the lines of work and into a darker territory you couldn't make your way through.

But he had asked.

"Javi, what are you doing here?" you repeated, trying to ignore the way the softer nick name had slipped from your lips rather than his full name. You didn't even know where it came from but it felt more natural.

He let out a small hum, bringing his hand up to run over his face and down his strong nose and past his mustache. "I don't know. Needed some company I guess."

"Isn't that what the whore houses are for?" You didn't mean for it to sound so harsh but the inkling of resentment you held deep within you had managed to slip out. Javier's hand slowly left your knee as he rested them on his thighs, fingers spread and clenching. You shouldn't have said it, shouldn't have made things less civil than they were.

"I guess I wanted your company." he admitted, reaching forward for the bottle and taking a big chug. Your gaze wandered over his back and neck, the muscles seeming so tight. He wasn't relaxing at all. He was so full of tension that it seemed to radiate off him.

You would blame the whiskey on it later, though you knew deep down you hadn't had enough to warrant this behavior from yourself. You would never mention it again. But you let your hand settle on his shoulders, making him freeze. You waited for him to push you away or tell you off, but when he didn't you let your fingers just barely dig into the muscle. His shoulders settled back as he seemed to lean into the touch, his eyes falling closed as his head tilted back softly.

You shimmied your way behind him, each knee on either side of his back as he moved forward to give you more room to settle behind him. You dug your hands in deeper, letting them push into the muscle that seemed as hard as a rock. You pushed into it, worried you had been too hard but a small moan left Javi's lips that sounded like blissful heaven to your ears. It seemed to echo throughout the primarily empty apartment, or maybe that was just your mind playing it over and over again like it was scripture.

"Relax, Javi." you whispered as your hands lowered slightly, digging into the muscles of his back.

A groan this time, one that sounded just as beautiful as the first noise. You closed your eyes, soaking in the contact. You wouldn't admit it but you were desperate for it. Simple touches at the office seemed to light you on fire sometimes. A brush of the shoulder, a hand on your back as he made his way past you, a nudge on your side to get your attention. All of it had felt like so much. But this... this was too much in the most addictive way.

Minutes had passed before your hands made their way up to his neck, lightly massaging the skin there as your eyed his hair. It was always so enticing and so soft. Fuck it. You ran your fingers up and into his hair, letting them spread over his head and he definitely leaned into the touch then, a small sigh leaving his lips.

You knew Javier Peña had been touched. His reputation was no secret. But you wondered if he ever got this. Was physical contact limited to a rough fuck in his apartment with some woman he had to pay afterwards? Or did another's fingers dance and dig and knead into his skin like yours was right now? When was the last time someone had softly ran his hands through his hair with the lone goal to just relax him?

"Bebita..." The word drew out of his lips slowly, almost as if in a prayer. He had called you it once before, shortly after you started, and you had scolded him for it. You remembered the way you had jabbed a finger into his chest, ridiculing him for using such a term with you. But it no longer sounded sinister or condescending like it had that time. It was soft and gentle and you wanted to hear it over and over again. Part of you wanted to beg for it, plead for the word to spill from the lips you admired daily, but you couldn't do it.

Your fingers ran through his hair, down his shoulders and back one last time before you slowly pulled them away. You didn't move from the position you were in, allowing his lower body to pin you against the back of the couch and for your legs to anchor into his sides.

A silence flowed through the room but this one didn't seem as lonesome and volatile as it usually felt when you were by yourself. It was filled with the soft breathing of you and Peña, the small shuffle of his leg as he shifted his head to look back at you. Your breath caught in your throat as he turned his body slightly, eyes staring straight into yours. "Thank you."

You nodded dumbly, your hands coming together so you could twiddle them with the nervousness that filled your body. You were usually so strong, so defiant, so loud. But he had melted you like butter and you felt like you could barely breathe with the way he was looking at you.

When he rose from the couch, you let out a small breath in relief. He would leave, maybe go to one of the women who kept him bed warm, and you could pretend this never happened. Not a word would be mentioned of it and you would see him at the office tomorrow like nothing happened, ignoring the phantom traces of his skin that danced across your fingertips and the way cigarette smoke and the scent of whiskey he exuded seemed to wrap your whole body up and soak you in it like some sort of intoxicating bath.

He slowly made his way to the door, a hand reaching out for the handle but pausing at it. He faced away from you and you looked up at him slowly.

"Goodnight, Peña." Confirmation. It was you telling him to go do what he did and to pretend that you hadn't shared that moment with him. Allow yourselves to both dwindle on it independently but never dare delve into what it just might mean because that would come with answers you don't think either of you were prepared to face.

A small sigh left his lips as he opened the door, offering a small "Goodnight" before he closed it behind him.

Your eyes drifted to the bottle of whiskey, the one his lips had been on, and you brought your hands to your face. The aftershave he used filled your senses and became all you could smell. You tore your hands away and rushed to the small kitchen, where you scrubbed at your hands like they had been stained with blood.

_________

"Thank you for... last night."

Your head whipped up as you found Peña at the head of your desk, hands resting on it as he leant forward so he could quietly speak the words to you, avoiding any other ears that might barge in on such a sensitive topic.

You raised an eyebrow. He wasn't supposed to mention it. He was supposed to pretend it never happened. Not walk to your desk while you were working and thank you for it.

"It's fine, Peña." you said back, trying to keep your voice even and clear. Act like you had nothing to hide. That you had felt nothing and that the feeling of him hadn't been seared into your brain all night and made it impossible to sleep.

You could see Murphy's head pop up slightly, raising an eyebrow as he looked at Pena's softened face and your perplexed one. You cleared your throat and dug a file out from under your desk, opening it and pretending to read the words. But the agent still lingered at your desk, so close that you felt like your chest was tightening up. "You need something, Peña, or just enjoying the view?"

Yes. Sarcastic remarks and plain stares were what you needed. What had to happen because if he looked at you like that anymore and you said something, even the smallest thing, everything would spill over. Peña finally straightened up, fingers dragging off your desk as he looked down at you, his face morphing for the same softness he had used last night to his usual scrunched up eyebrows and plain stare. "No, agent."

You tried to ignore the way the words seemed to be said with some grit, some non-discernible layer that was soaked with annoyance or frustration or maybe even...hurt? You didn't dare look at him again as he walked away, leaving only you and Murphy sitting at your desks. Your eyes traced over the same word over and over again as Murphy let out a small noise.

"Did you sleep with Peña?"

Your head whipped up as your glared at Murphy, the blond-haired man looking slightly intimidated by the harshness in your eyes. "Jesus Christ, Murphy! Do I look like one of Peña's whores?"

"Then what was he thanking you for last night for?"

You had hoped Peña had spoken the words quietly enough but Murphy was after all an agent and could read in between the lines well enough to detect a change in the air between you two. You softened your harsh expression, still giving Murphy a critical look but not one that could kill. "He just... came over for a drink. That's all."

Murphy paused, his eyebrows just slightly bunching together as he looked you up and down like he was trying to find the slightest inconsistency so he could piece together something far more exciting than a drink. But hadn't that been it? A drink and sure, a lousy massage. But nothing else. Nothing special. "A drink?"

"Yes. A drink."

"Why?"

You weren't surprised by the question. You and Peña had a relatively complicated relationship. It had started off with a lot of disdain and aggravation. You were a strong woman, new to Columbia, and you weren't about to be swindled around by the man whore of the DEA. You didn't even have to know the rumors to know that was the case. All it took was walking in the room and seeing his sly looks and flirtatious quips he had given you at first, until he realized you weren't going to fall prey to his good looks and charm.

But once he settled down, realized you were going to be his and Murphy's partner and you were serious about the work, your relationship became amicable. You worked well together - more than you had thought possible initially. You couldn't quiet find out why but you were able to read him pretty well, even more than you usually could with your co-workers. Maybe that was why you always knew it was him knocking or knew when he walked into a room before you even saw him. But you two worked together. So for a while you two remained steady partners with a good work flow.

But once the curtain had been pulled back and you realized Javier Peña might be something other than a work-junkie man whore, you started to appreciate him. You admired his determination and work ethic, because while the man could be brash and a little hot-headed, he had good intentions behind what he did at work. You identified and respected the passion. He wanted to nail Escobar just as badly as you did. Hell, maybe even more. And while it wasn't clear upon first glance and it took you a while to see it, he cared. He cared about people. He might not have loved them but he even cared about the girls from the brothels he visited. He cared about Murphy and you think somewhere deep down, he might of given a shit or two about you.

But it wasn't anything obvious. You don't think anyone would point to you two and remark about how great of friends you were or anything of the sort. In the end, you weren't friends - not really. Or maybe you were in some fucked way that made sense for people like you and Peña. You didn't normally question it. And while you had wondered why he had come to your place for a drink last night, it made sense to you. You couldn't explain why but it just did.

You looked back at Murphy, realizing you had gotten lost in thought and hadn't answered his question. You shrugged slightly, trying to appear non-committal and unbothered. "I don't know. Maybe one of his girls was too busy for him last night."

_________

Five nights. In a row.

You would hear the knock at your door and you would answer every single time, knowing who it was and knowing what would happen. If the whiskey bottle wasn't already out, you would grab it from a cabinet and let him sip from it directly and make a sly comment about how bad it was. There were a couple nights he would try to make conversation but he either didn't know what to say or was too exhausted to try to stall the inevitable. Eventually your hands would land on him and knead into his muscles, stripping it of its tension until he walked out of your apartment.

Javier hadn't bothered to say anything at work again. No additional thank you's or asking if it would happen again. You and him both knew it remained better unspoken and unplanned. You both would rather just have him turn up at your door. Even when it was just you two in the cloak of darkness that wrapped around your apartment, he didn't say anything about it.

Tonight was the first time in a few days you didn't think you would make it home but perhaps to your dismay (or maybe your luck), Javier wouldn't be either. Murphy had given up not long ago at all, leaving the office with a loose tie and frazzled state of mind, muttering something about seeing his wife. The rest of the people had been long gone by then meaning once Murphy left, it was just you and Peña sat at desks across from each other, staring into an endless void of paperwork.

You couldn't tell what time it was, not that it would matter anyways with how much reading you had to do. The less glamorous and exciting side of being a DEA agent meant loads of paperwork and reading, something you hated more than you could describe. You finally blinked, realizing you hadn't done so in a while with the way your eyeballs were stinging. You looked around your desk and let out a grunt. Seven paper cups lined the front of it and you raised an eyebrow. Had you really had seven cups of coffee? Papers were strewn all about, so many little letters that seemed to swim in your mind and become muddled symbols to your weary eyes. The room was mostly dark, except for the glow of your lamp and Javier's.

"You okay?"

You jumped slightly, the sound starling you after what had seemed to be hours of silent reading with the occasional rustle of paper work, sips of caffeine, and puffs of Javier's cigarette. You looked up at Javier who looked just as disheveled as you felt. He had long forgotten his jacket, that was now thrown over the back of his chair with an arm dragging over the floor. His tie was on his desk and a couple buttons of his shirt had been undone. His hair was rustled, like he had been running his hands through it (and looking like it usually did when you were done massaging your own fingers through it). His eyes were lidded but he looked over at you intently.

"Yeah." you croaked out, feeling like the sound of your own voice was foreign after not talking for so long. "Just...exhausted."

"You should go home."

"Nah. I'm not going to sleep. Just drink whiskey and-" You froze. What were going to finish that with? And wait for you to show up at my door?

Peña didn't seem to want you to finish your answer, either because he could fill the restnin on his own or because he didn't care. "You look tense."

"Oh, yeah. Just the compliment every woman wants to hear." you joked, leaning back into your chair and giving Peña a sly smile that he returned.

"Well I tried to call you beautiful once and you yelled at me."

You snorted that time, remembering the memory clearly. Peña had called you hermosa once and you had told him to fuck off, thinking he was trying to just get under your skin. "Yeah. I did."

"If it helps, you look-"

"Don't." you said abruptly. You couldn't handle that. Peña was smooth with everyone but you didn't need him doing it with you. You were already twisted up enough.

"I was going to say you look exhausted as well." Peña cheekily said, one end of his lips quirking up into a small grin.

You rolled your eyes. "Thanks."

You looked back down at your desk, grabbing a piece of paper and lamely looking at it. You didn't look up when you heard Javier rise from his seat and his steps echo into the empty room. You assumed he was leaving, having given up on getting any more work done. That was until you felt two hands rest on your shoulders.

You sat straight up, your body becoming stiff as your felt the hands spread over your shoulders. They were so warm, even through your shirt. You let out a soft sigh when you felt his fingers dig into your shoulders, applying a perfect amount of pressure that felt heavenly.

"This okay?" he softly asked.

You nodded your head. "Yeah, Javi."

He continued pressing into your muscles, each one seeming to relax almost instantaneously with his touch. You hadn't even realized how stiff and sore you had been. How much your body was craving something like this.

You let your eyes flutter shut as you leaned into his touch, letting out a groan when he dug deep into a really wound up spot. "Your muscles feel like shit." he said as his hands drifted lower to your upper back.

"You are full of compliments tonight." you softly said.

"Sorry, bebita." You let out a small hum at the nick name, letting a small smile tilt your lips. Javi was close enough to feel the warmth of his body, to smell cigarettes and the aftershave that had seemed to be stuck to your hands for days now.

Javier seemed to pick up on the small noise before you had, ripping his hands away from you right as the door to the room opened. You sat up straight, grabbing at a piece of paper lamely as Javier shuffled behind you.

'God damn, Murphy.' you thought as the taller agent looked at the two of you, raising an eyebrow.

"I just forgot something." he quietly said, walking to his desk where he grabbed his wallet. He looked back at you two, raising an eyebrow at the way Peña awkwardly started to walk towards his own desk. "Did I interrupt something?"

You sighed, standing up from your desk and grabbing your jacket. "Nope. I was just about to head out for the night."

"Me too." Peña said, grabbing his own jacket and giving you and Murphy a single nod before marching out of the room.

Steve looked back at you, a single eyebrow raised. "Okay. What happened?"

"Nothing. I was just showing him a paper." you muttered, grabbing a file to bring home, already knowing you wouldn't be sleeping at all with the way your mind was whirring.

"What paper?" Murphy critically asked, following after you as you ushered out of the room.

"DEA stuff." you mumbled, hating how you felt like you were being integrated by one of your own partners.

"That's not vague at all." he teased, a small smile popping up on his face as he saw how you were getting more and more flustered.

"Fuck off, Murphy." you huffed, marching out of the office and leaving him behind.

________

The knock on your door this time was much harsher and louder, still enough for you to know who it was but also enough to know Peña was in no good mood tonight. You had come to look forward to the nightly visits but today had been a field day for you that had gone very awry. You were tired and you felt like you were burnt to pieces, crumbling to ash before everybody’s eyes but nobody could put you back together because the damage had already been done.

You waited a few moments but when the knocking presumed at a much faster rate, you knew there was no hope he would walk away and let you spend this night alone to wallow in the events of the day. You opened the door, this time standing at the entrance where an incredibly disheveled Peña stood across from you. For once, he didn’t look tired like he usually did at night. If anything, he looked like a fire had been lit under him that was consuming him whole, swallowing him until he was the orange burst of flames itself. His shirt was unbuttoned at the top like usual but wrinkled. His hair was all over the place. You couldn’t help the way your heart slightly dropped. He looked like a man who got laid.

You slowly walked away from the door, hearing as Peña walked in and slammed it shut behind him. “I’m not in the mood tonight, Peña. Go fuck another one of your girls or something.”

“What the fuck?” he growled.

The aggressive and frantic tone alarmed you, causing you to turn and face him as he stared at you. Upon better inspection, he didn’t look like a man who got laid. But a man who was pissed.

“What the hell is your problem?” you asked, crossing your arms over your chest as you stared him back down, not daring to back away from the challenging gleam in his eyes.

“You nearly got shot today!”

Oh, yeah. It’s not like you had forgotten. It had been the main event of the day, the bullet that was meant for your head just barely grazing you instead. Murphy had been there and said something about it being dumb luck. You had tried to say something about how you didn’t believe in luck and it was just your quick nature, but you had barely been able to get the words out with the way your mind was doing somersaults and the way your whole body seemed to shake with an electrifying cocktail of adrenaline and fear. You had been on the brink of coming to a rather unfortunate death and yeah, you were glad you hadn’t died. But you weren’t glad that the mission had led to little of anything. It had been a fruitless effort and that was the worst part.

“Well, I didn’t so whoopie doo.” you sarcastically answered, throwing your hands up rather undramatically as you tried to make your way to the kitchen to fetch the whiskey as normal. But Peña was faster, marching towards you and grabbing an arm to pull you back.

“You could of died.” Peña hissed, locking eyes with you. The fierceness held in his eyes was almost intimidating, so stark and powerful that it seemed to blow the wind out of your lungs almost as much as your graze with death had earlier in the day.

“Okay. But I’m still alive so I did something right.”

“What were you doing on the field today?”

“Umm... doing my job.” you said, your face scrunching in confusion as you looked up at the man before you. His chest was rising and falling quickly, his hairline beaded with droplets of sweat.

“Why didn’t I know? I should of been there.” Peña demanded, his hand still holding your wrist. The touch was hot and poignant. You didn’t know how but the way his calloused hand grabbed onto your wrist seemed to hold such a vast array of emotions you couldn’t even begin to place them.

“I didn’t realize I had to come to you with everything.” you sarcastically quipped back, trying to pull your hand away with no effort. His grip still remained strong as his eyes wandered all over your face. “Peña, what the hell is your problem?”

“My problem is that you are running around, nearly getting killed.” Javier barked back.

“That’s kind of part of the job!” you yelled back, feeling a frustration grow inside you that felt unfair. You wanted to relax or sleep or get drunk or who knows what. Not have a yelling match with Javier Peña in your shitty apartment.

“You don’t even try to be careful!”

“Well, there are parts of the job that nobody likes but oh well! I don’t like that you nearly get killed or fuck who knows how many women but fuck it, it’s who we are and what we do!” You fired back, feeling your mouth clamp up when you realized the words that were spilling from it freely. The emotions of the day and the heat of the argument was too much and you felt flooded in every which direction. You couldn’t control the onslaught of confessions that tore from your lips and you hadn’t even expected.

Javier hadn’t seemed to either, pulling his hand away from your wrist. He stared back at you, chest still rising dramatically, but his face seemed less enraged and more questioning, curious, and thoughtful. You felt your face warm even more than it had been from the fight, stepping back slowly and nearly stumbling in the process. You were the first to look away, staring down at your hands which were shaking slightly.

“Sit down.”

You looked up at Javier, letting out an awkward chuckle at the bizarreness of his demand. “What?”

“Sit down.” he repeated once again, leaving no room for additional questions and his unwavering stare seemed to demand you to do so. You let out a small sigh and wandered over to your couch. Once your bottom landed on it, you let your body cave forwards, your elbows rested on your knees and hands cradling your face. You didn’t look up even as you heard Peña walking around your apartment, opening cabinets and grabbing glasses. You just kept your face buried within yourself, trying to shield yourself from things you couldn’t comprehend. Perhaps the events of the day or maybe feelings that always seemed to grow within you each time you saw Javier Peña. You couldn’t tell but you had felt like your brain was working at half-capacity, if even that, and you didn’t want to waste it on dwelling over what was plaguing your mind in that moment.

You heard Javier step towards you and you finally brought your hands away from your face, coming up to meet his outstretched hand holding out a cup full of whiskey. He had abandoned his tie he had been wearing when he first entered, his shirt slightly unbuttoned like it always seemed to be. You grabbed the glass from his hand, ignoring the slight tingle that rushed through your fingers at the minimal contact, and took a small sip of the liquid.

“That good?”

You looked up at Javier again, who was still standing in front of you. You nodded slowly. “Yeah. Thanks, Peña.”

His gaze softened as his eyes drifted over your face. “Don’t call me that. Not right now.”

You nodded again. “Thanks, Javi.”

He seemed to visibly relax at the use of the nickname for him. It wasn’t like he had never been called it before. Some people at work had called him that. Family members back in Texas definitely had. Even his former late night companions had yelled out the name in throes of passion. But it sounded sweetest slipping off your tongue, like warm honey. It was something he had come to crave in the last few days like he craved his cigarettes. You had only said it for the first time a few days ago but it had become addicting, sending this sense of calmness through Javier that nothing else seemed to - not even his typical vices he used in abundance.

“Sit on the floor, bebita.” you didn’t bother this time to send him a curious glance, instead just slipping off the couch and plopping your bottom down on the carpeted floor. You felt the couch shuffle behind you as he carefully sat down, one leg swinging over so one leg was framing each side of your body. You leaned back softly, your head meeting his upper body and you let out a soft hum, bringing the glass to your lips to take another sip. Your eyes fluttered closed when you felt calloused fingers meet your neck, rubbing it up and down in a way that was slightly ticklish, but not in a bothersome way. They were warm and rough but also soft. They knew what to do to put you at ease, something you can’t remember ever finding in a person. Touch had never been your love language, instead oftentimes making you uncomfortable. But Javiers touch had always done something to you that you couldn’t explain. Maybe a thrill, maybe a need. You didn’t know but did it really matter when no matter what it always felt so good?

“You mind if I take this out?” Peña whispered, his hands trialing up to the hair tie that held your hair back into what was now a rather messy ponytail. You didn’t speak, only slowly nodding your head. He gently began to pull the tie down, letting your hair slip out from its confines and cascade down. His fingers lightly brushed through your hair, occasionally getting stuck in tangled that he gently worked through for what seemed to be hours. You let him do so, the gentle touches and silence making a warm peace fill you. Eventually his finger tips moved upwards, reaching your scalp and lightly moving slow patterns through it. “You are so beautiful, bebita.”

You were so relaxed that you didn’t allow anxiety or confusion to run through you from him compliment. You just let out a small hum, opening your eyes and tilting your head far back to make eye contact with Javier. He looked straight down at you, brown eyes full of so much warmth and admiration that it seemed to take your breath away. You didn’t want to but you managed to somehow pull your eyes away, looking back down so he could continue massaging your scalp. “I need you to be more careful.”

“If it helps, it freaked me out too.” you gently offered, trying not to read too much into his request.

“Are you okay?”

“I will be.” I will be if you stay.

“I just want you to be okay.”

The softness with which the words were spoken were so new, so vulnerable. It was a new side to Javier. He had always seemed to keep an eye out for you but you assumed it to be because you were partners and that’s what you should do. But this wasn’t just two partners watching each other’s backs. This was personal and raw and meaningful. So much so that you couldn’t try to deny it or brush it off as some meaningless, odd occurrence. At least you prayed to God you couldn’t.

“Are you okay?” you asked, slowly bringing a hand up to rest at one of his knees. It was an awkward angle but you just wanted to hold him in some way. Part of you yearned to bring your fingers to your head and intertwine them with his but you didn’t want to step over a boundary and ruin the haven that seemed to encompass you both.

“I’m okay when I’m with you.” Javier confessed. “If anything happened to you...”

His voice drifted off but you didn’t need him to fill in the blanks. You had voiced those same concerns to yourself in the middle of the night and before missions. What if? It was such a terrifying, earth shattering question. More than it should be for two people who were just ‘partners’.

“I’m here, Javi. And you are here. We are okay.” you soothed, your hand rubbing his knee slowly. You slowly turned your head, causing his fingers to slip away from it as you adjusted your body to face him. You looked up at him. “Can I do something?”

“Anything.”

You slowly rose from your spot on the ground, pulling yourself up slowly as you slipped one leg on each side of Javier. You slowly lowered yourself, not breaking eye contact as you sat onto his lap slowly, moving at a snails pace. His hands seemed to instinctually reach out, wrapping around your back to shimmy you closer to him. You lowered yourself into him, sinking into his warm embrace and allowing your face to cradle into the nook of his neck. One of his hands moved back up to your hair, running down it. You took a deep breath, taking in the scent of him: the aftershave and the cigarettes and the smell that was so inherently Javier. You reached your hands up to wrap around his neck, pulling him into you like your life depended on it. “Javi?”

“Yes, hermosa?”

“What is happening?” you mumbled into his neck, your warm breath fanning into his skin.

“What do you mean?” He knew what you meant but he needed you to say it. He couldn’t because this was one of the few things in life he was genuinely scared of.

“This isn’t just massages, is it? This is...more.” You didn’t mean to sound so needy or pleading, like your well-being depended on the answer. You weren’t that type of woman normally. But you needed him to say something now, something that wouldn’t break your heart into two.

“It’s not just massages.” Javi said, stilling his moments. You slowly pulled back, now facing him. You brought your hands down to his shoulders, rubbing them softly with a nervous smile on your face.

“What is it then?”

Javi took several moments to respond, simply staring back into your timid eyes. You were nervous but you found shelter in the way his breathing seemed to pick up and his eyes had a nerve-wracking glimmer in them.

“I’m not good at this.” He confessed.

"Me either." A small smile finally broke out as you said the words, causing Peña to give you a small, lopsided grin. He brought a hand to your face, his thumb brushing over your cheek in a way that sent a shiver down your spine.

Javi finally let a long sigh pull from his lips, his gaze not wavering as he spoke. "I just know that I want you."

"I want you, too." you barely whispered out.

"I don't know how to do this." he whispered, shrugging slightly.

You leaned into him, giving him a hug as you furrowed yourself into the shape of his body, allowing yourself to meld into one. You had once thought that if a moment like this ever happened, your heart would race and you would panic. But in the moment, everything, for once in your life, seemed to fall in place. "Me either. But I wanna do it with you."

You felt Javier nod against you, relaxing further as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you in even deeper. "Me too, bebita."

You had never felt this feeling before but somehow, in the back of your mind, you knew everything would be okay.

[taki118]

Cause of the BBC Sherlock stuff I've been seeing I'd like remind people of Elementary

This may poke the proverbial fandom bear but I don't care this show deserved so much more love than it got.

This series is Seven season of quality detective content. Each epsiode delievers on a cool mystery with a statisfying conculsion, and overarching plots arcoss multiple episodes that again give good payoff. Look I'm a person who never really cares about spoilers BUT season one's twist is so perfectly executed that I can never bare talking about it until someone has experinced it already. Like im serious its so good.

Now detractors LOVE to point out two things

1: It takes place in New York they just had to americanise it

2: why is Watson a woman? Ugh they just want to sexualize her and take the gay away

So for 1 I get the frustration it was proabably a legal/financial thing that made them go with New York. But the writers 100% use this to their advantage. utilizing the setting as a sort of metaphor for Serlock as a person particulary in season 1 & 2. He's been thrusted into New York this is not his home and he sees it as simply a new place and a fresh start. But come season 2 when he does return to London he finds it different and no longer feels at ease there. He has grown he has changed and so has the world around him. I think the writers made the best out of the situation.

2: Yyyeeeeeaaaahhhhhhhhh no

like i get WHY people assume the reason to make John Watson Joan Watson was purely to hook the characters up, like i was suspicious too when I first saw the trailers cause damn the person in charge of that did a shit job. But so theres a reason why its Joan Watson and not John Watson. In behind the scenes stuff they straight up said that in doing research they notice Sherlock is a bit of a misogynist as he regards women rather lower having just a few exceptions to  his rule that woman are silly creatures controlled by emotions. SO the writers and producers thought “Well what if his work partner IS a woman?’ and like thats actually a good idea to shake up the Holmes/Watson dynamic. 

But also in all 7 seasons not once do Joan and Sherlock hook up. 

NOT ONCE. THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS ENTIRELY PLANTONIC. 

LET ME REPEAT THAT AGAIN A MAN AND A WOMAN ON A CABLE SERIES WHO LIVE AND WORK TOGETHER ONLY LOVE EACH OTHER IN A PLATONIC SENSE AND NO ONE BATS AN EYE TO THAT.

DO YOU REALIZE HOW HUGE THAT IS?

Like Joan and Sherlock are family to each other yes earlier seasons is mostly Joan taking care and helping Sherlock but as time goes on they are far more equal. They have this great bond that’s just built on mutual trust and care and gives off the pair of siblings at times. (my favorite running gag is Sherlock finding new and creative ways to wake Watson up)

And can I say that Joan and Sherlock arent the only ones to say “I love you” in a platonic sense in this show? CAUSE THEY ARENT

This show just like shoves it in your face that strong platonic relationships are not only valid but something to be cherished and cared for just as much as romantic ones. That just being someone’s friend and being there for them when times are tough is enough and admirable. And im sorry but that shit gets me every time. 

Also also Joan Watson has her own arc of finding what it is she wants in this world along Sherlocks own arc. And its not finding a man and having a child, its finding what work she likes to do and balancing it with her personal life. 

And thats not even getting into the positive and well done addict recovery rep. Like they took the offhanded line that Sherlock uses opitates in the novels and said “Hey how would they effect a man like this?” Like they give such a good showcase on how really anyone can fall to addiction and just how hard it is to recover. It’s a long road and the show never lets you forgot that Sherlock could fall back and that he is not better than any other addict, that if it werent for the support network he has built the fall would be far worse.

Like god I havent even gotten into how this is the most emotionally vulnerable Sherlock and thats not treated as a negative like the show straight up says when he goes cold logic mode he’s worse as a person AND as a detective.

How they show the police force they work with to be just as important  as their work. 

Trans Ms. Hudson played by a trans woman, while shes not in a lot of eps she’s never made a joke of and treated as a desirable.

Autisitc person as a love interest who was not treated as a child. 

Joan wasnt the ONLY person who was adapted as a different gender. 

Going into the messiness of mental health and how hard finding care for it can be. 

The hackers who are hilarious

Sherlock and Joans network of specialists who have knowledge they dont

CLYDE THE TURTLE

Like just watch it its worth your time and will never make fun of you for engaging with the work. 

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Red hair as roses, and turquoise eyes as orchids

"Dada look!" The bored and depressed blue eyes stood up from his lap to his 6 years old daughter, extending her tiny hands up high in the air.

"Be careful with what you're gonna do pretty doll." He manage to smirk a bit as she pouted, strands of red brushing against her forehead until a huge wave of flames of the colour blue danced around her hands until she jumped and a small prinkle of flames were throw in the air.

She laughed at the sign and clapped her hands in glee at her own little show as Dabi let out a chuckle at seeing the happines of his daughter... instead of him, Emika had the blessing of having a body that could tolerate the heat enough of his quirk that she inherited it from him. Your quirk itself being a huge help for the little girl to not have scars as her father's.

"Did you see Dada?! It was soooo huge and beautiful!!!" She ran towards him only to trip and thankfully landed on the brunette male's lap, giggling with a smile so bright that could've hury his eyes.

"Hmm. Almost like mine princess, im impressed." His hands carresed her chubby cheeks until he heard murmuring behind them.

Of course. Even with his disguise, that were people whose were going to mutter, say bad things... he lost count on how many times Emika had been bullied because her quirk was similiar with the most cruel and wanted villain....

And much to his dismay, Emika didn't take that... very well.

"WHAT ARE YOU WHISPERING ABOUT?! LEAVE US ALONE!" the little girl shouted and the adults only scoffed, picking up their kids and getting out of the park.

"You're going to scare off anyone with that attitude of yours princess." He muttered while carresing her red hair and picking her up as she scoffed.

"They cant say bad things about MY dada!" He smiled at the little girl and sighed.

"Yeah yeah, just lets get out of here before you burn things down."

"Thats something you would do!" She poked his scarred cheek. "Ne ne dada? We gonna visit mama right? I want to bring flowers to her this time!"

His eyes dropped at the ground as his feet carried them to the cemetery...

"We can arrange that."

.

.

.

"Mama was so pretty!!!" Emika squealed as Spinner and Toga showed her some photos as Dabi stared holes into their skulls.

Is not that he didn't wanted his daughter to forget or to not know about her mother... but it was painfull enough to have a father as a villain, now being a mother orphan was just more harder.

Emika couldn't go to school without being recognized as Dabi's daughter. So he brought himself the task to teach her things , being thankfull to his past self that he had studied enough.

"Yeah and she was strong as fuck too according to your dad there." Spinner grinned, showing a picture of you pinning down a hero on the middle of the street.

"Emika-chan, despite not meeting (Y/n) you look so much like her!" Toga beamed with a smile, fangs showing and the little girl giggling when Dabi just yanked her away from the two.

"Naaaaaa dada no bed time!" She squirmed as he carried her to now the comfortable room the league gotten ever since the incident with Shigaraki and Redestro.

"Dont complain or else Im going to take away your toy." He grumbled as the girl gasped and pouted at him much like you would do.

"You wouldn't!" She defies him with a cheeky smile although while settling down on the bed she shared with him.

"Try me." He smirked with a atched eyebrow making her laugh.

Some time passed and Dabi watched as the eyelids of Emika slowly dropped until she called him softly.

"This place we are now... we gonna stay or are the bad man breaking it and we have to move again?" His heart clenched.. she still had the memories when the league had captured that blonde kid and the heroes busted the bar...

With her own view, she saw the villains as the good and normal people despite Toga being a crazy assasin that loved drinking blood, Shigaraki a men that only wanted to destriy the world, Twice a bipolar man and the list goes on...

Emika saw the villains as good people, and the heroes as bad ones... after all, after she found out on her own that her mother died not because of childbirth, but because of a hero that accidentally killed her with a much too strong attack... and only because she wanted to protect the baby on her arms at that time.

So much blood dropped from his eyes... some even dropping on your lifeless body and on the crying baby he soon noticed that thankfully was alive.

He would never forget whem he craddled the baby on his arms and sobbed deyly as his child wailed at not having the warmth of her mother anymore.

Things were tough until they found the league of villains and had at peast a place to crash.

Emika was now soudly asleep as he sighed and brushed his hair.

"When the heroes come to us... I will make sure yoi stay outta of the mess Emika. But you will not like to know the truth about our origins..." he muttered as a scarred hand brushed her bangs and smirked when she nuzzled on his hand... reminding him of how you would nuzzle on him on cold nights...

"Time to sleep off huh? The more we sleep, the pess we have to face the reality." He muttered before laying down and bringing her close to his chest.

.

.

.

"Dada..." she whimpered as fat tears fell feom her turquoise eyes as she tremblingly holded the box of paper towels, helping him clean off the blood from his stapples as he took a final look on the mirror, his white hair finally at show for the first time in so many years.

"Hey," he crouched down and made his best to not wince "I'm fine. Daddy is used to this by now and-"

"bUT I'M NOT!" she yelled and punched his chest with her tiny fist as he frowned and holded her as she sobbed on his chest.

"...Is it true..?" He looked down at the tuff of red hair on his chest "That uncle Twice is not coming back..? That.. T-That grandpa did this to you..m that we are from the family of E-Endeavour?"

He frowned and wiped her tears away as she holded his wrist while sobbing at the loss of Twice, whose always played and made silly faces with her on spare times.

"Yeah... Im sorry for not telling you... but I thought that... Me and your mother actually decided that Emika (L/n) was better than puttingnon a fake and... well, not right name on yours."

"... which hero... killed... mama..?" His heart stopped... should he reaally tell her? She was only a baby of five years.. five fucking years... he was already damaged by society, but her was just a little flower growing...

"Princess.. I-"

"Who?!" She sobbed as his eyes dropped, a heavy sigh as he dinally sit down on the edge of the sofa as he put his hand on his face as the other helped her sit on his lap.

"... your grandpa."

.

.

.

Emika cried heraelf to sleep that night. Wailing that she hated the heroes, that she hated Endeavour, that she hated him for not telling her the truth for so long, that she hated having fo be a Todoroki.

Each word was a spike to his chest as he tried and eventually succeed on calming her down enough, from harsh sobs and eails to soft sniffles and the rest of the tears she had to sheed.

He hugged her just a bit tighter that night as one drop of blood fell from his eyes.

"I thought I could do it (Y/n)... I fucking promised you... but... fuck." He bited his bottom scarred lips to contain a whimper "Everything is just the worst now... why did you have to be so goddamn stubborn and risk your life dammit..."

.

.

.

"Is your fourth bowl of ice cream ya know?" Dabi muttered from his place on the miserable yet comfy apartment you two shared as you stared back at him with a spoonfull of your favorite ice cream on hand close to your mouth.

"I have the right. I'm pregnant. Leave me be." You made a show of putting the spoon on your mouth and moaning out loud as Dabi shooked his head in dismay before taking a place on your side ofbthe couxh before you two cringed at the sounds of the old mobile almost creaking.

"We need to got money to find a new couch." You muttered horrified, just apmost ending all of your money on baby supplies and clothes.

"Or I can just steal one." He smirked at the slight slap you gave to him.

"And have shitty heroes coming our way later? Nu uh mister... maybe just rob a bank though." You muttered before both of you chuckled as you laid your head on his shoulder as he subconsciously placed his hand on the sweel of your stomach and felt a kick already.

"She is going to be a daddy's girl. Im so sure of it." You giggled as he arched an eyebrow.

"How cam you say this already? We dont even know if it is a girl of a boy doll."

"I know is a girl. I just know it. And she has already a favorite parent." You carresed your belly just besides where Dabi's hand was layed on.

"You're exaggerating." He chuckled as he felt another kick "They are going to be a nasty oen though, they kick alot."

"She kicks a lot when your nearby or talking to her. Just like I said, a daddy's girl." You smiled sweetly at him and he never felt so happy...

He looked at your lips for a second as you narrowed your eyes playfully at him before your lips almost touched-

.

.

.

He woke up with a hand tapping on his cheek and soon saw his daughter looking down at him with a pout.

"Can we go walk?" She almost whimpered as he could only stare and slowly nod as he caught his disguise and a very own for her.

.

.

.

She clunged to the black bunny plushie as she walked with pinks connected to him as he stated down at her in worry until she gasped at a convenience store.

"Dada! Snickers!" She pointed as he smiled at seeing a bit of bright on her eyes once again.

"How about we get some, eh?" She nodded with a small smile and soon followed her dad inside.

While she waited for Dabi to get the snacks and pay for them, for once, she gasped when a purple haired boy at the same age as her bumped accidentaly to her making her plushie drop.

"Hey!" She called out with tears on her eyes, being emotionally damaged enough for those past days.

"I'm sorry." The boy said immediatly, kneeling and grabbing the plushie to hand it to her "Its yours?" He tilted his head as Emika grabbed immediatly.

"Of course it was! It was with me until you bunped on me!" Emika slowly dropped her tone of voice at seeing how the purple haired boy seemed genuily sorry as he aproached and bowed once again.

"Sorry, I just am here to grab some medice and a chocolate for my mom and dad. They're both sick and they dont know i went out so I needed to hurry." He smiled as Emika soon dropped slowly her guard down as she muttered.

"Is okay... is just that bunny is speacial to me."

"I can see why. Your mama gave it to you right." Her turquoise eyes widened as she frowned her eyebrows at the boy.

"Kinda of..?" She clinged to the toy "Why do you that?"

He closed his eyes with a tiny giggle.

"Well, she told me as soon as you started to tear up. She is always by your side aparently." Emika eyes darkned and she let go of one hand of the plushie to heat up her hand.

"Say that one more time. I dare you. My mama is not here." She almost cried until the purple boy touched her forehead with two fingers and soon she was not more in the grocery store, but in a blank space.

"HEY YOU!" she shouted "THIS IS NOT FUNNY LET OUT YOU FUCK-"

"Geez, daddy did not spare you of curse words then?" She froze and looked behind her and saw the sane woman Dabi showed photos of and was compared whenever she was laughing or making a trick on others.

She froze for a bit before silently tears started to fall and she hiccupped for a bit before dropping her bunny and running to you as you hugged her tightly.

"Mama! I cant believe-! Is you-! I-I-" she hicupped as you wiped her tears with your thumb and let some of your own fall.

"You're take so much of your dada im so happy... My little girl is just so beautiful..." you whispered as she sobbed while wiping her tears with her sleeve.

"D-Dada!" She gasped before smiling widely and grabbing your sleeve "Dada needs to see this! Mama he misses you a lot he need to see yo-"

"Im sorry princess..." you grabbed her cheek softly "I wanted to see your daddy just as much, but I cant...." her face fell a bit but soon nodded while playing with your fingers and hair.

"Mama? Why did you do it?" You hummed as she looked up hesitantly "Why did youbleave dad? Why... you took.. Endeavour attack..?" She asked sadly as you furrowed your eyebrows but soon closed your eyes and smiled.

"Emika... the day you were born was the day I was gone as well... but when I saw your grandpa recognizing me as a villain and blasted an attack close to where you were... I just had to. I had to protect the feuit of love that me and your father made..." you smiled sadly as she sniffed.

"But you arent with us..." she almost sobbed until you made her look up.

"Emika... Im so sorry for the loneliness you had to endure... the pain... that was the only dowside of the decision I made. My swest little girl..." you cuppex her cheek and wiped a tear "Thank you for letting me be your mother, and Touya for being your father..."

You touched your forehead with her as she noticed your body was slowly turning to tiny hints of lights and fireflies.

"Mama..?" She looked at you crying softly as you kissed her forehead.

"Emika, evertime you see a star in the dark sky it will be me watching over you and your dada... and please understand one thing," you got away from her as your hair floated majestically "Dying for you, was a noble sacrifice I did for love..."

She widened her eyes as she grabbed your hands as you giggled at her expression.

"Say to dada Im watching him too, and that loving him were the happier moments I spend... I love him and always will...after all, he is my canolli, dead or not, okay?"

The littpe girl gasped and looked at the place she was, the grocery store and the boy from earlier retracting his hand with a unsure littpe smile.

"It was your quirk... you... you made me talk with my mama." She says outstruck as the boy giggled but soon gasped at looking the time.

"I have to go! But I hope we meet again." He ran to the door with the bags before looking one more time behind to her "Call me Akira! See you soon Emika-chan!"

She stood there in complete shook before brushing her fingers on the tingling spot you had kissed on her forehead before smiling widely and giggling before knocking her daddy's leg as he grunted.

"Emika what the-"

"Mama is watching us!" She bounced up and down as he atood with a 'what the fuck' expression.

"What the hell Emika?" He grabbed the packs and carried her as he walked on the street.

"Mama said your name is Touya dada! Which I found strange at first but anyway! She kissed my forehead! Hugged me and said how much she loves me and you and is watching us! She is a star dada! A star!!"

His eyes widened. Emika didn't hear his speech to Endeavour. Emika didn't know his real name was Touya instead of Dabi as the league called him... so she was not imagining neither making things up.

"..so you saw mama?" She giggled and nodded while boucing on his arms. "... did she say something else?" He asked hopefully and she smiled widely as much as you would do.

"She said loving you was the most happier she got! And that your are her canolli forever!"

His steps faltered and almost that he dropped his daughter as his eyes widened... only you knew that god for saken nickname you gaved to him...

"Dada?" His daughter words and hands on his cheeks made him ho back to reality as he saw the blood on his little girl's fingers and worried expression "Are you crying..? Dada?"

"Heh..." he wiped with one thumb the blood before smilling at her and continuing walking "Nah. Must be one of my staples..." he stared up as his daughter rested her face on his neck. "Mama is a star then?"

"Ya.." she yawned "Watching us... I bet she is that one." The little girl pointed at the shiniest star on the sku as Dabi smiled...

"Yeah... I also bet on that one."

[cobraghost]

“... Why did it have to be me? ” The ghost cried, teal tears streaking down his cheeks. Its funny, in a fucked up sort of way -- even though he can't usually feel much heat, the way the ectoplasm bubbled on his lashes still burned. His vision blurred with the thick, globby tears obstructing his view. Everything stung. His breathing -- if you could even call it that -- was wet and shaky, his whole body trembling as the room around him grew dark. 

 “It's not fair. Its not fair. I ... I was -- I was on the r-right track for once..” his words weren't wailed, nor were they dramatic. It was raw sadness -- quiet, just like Billy Joe never was. Dark black eyes stared at his palms -- they didn’t look particularly see-through at the moment, but he’s still reminded he’s just a ghost now. He can barely be seen by anyone -- and nobody knows his pain. He’s still as alone as the day he died.

Upon coming to this realization, Billy He tried to wipe his tears away to hide his shame and sadness. One wipe became two, two became four, and it wasn't long before he was furiously trying to rub away his tears. But the more he failed, the harder he cried -- til eventually, he gave up. His hands cup around his face, head hung low and bangs hiding sorrowful eyes. His shoulders continued to shudder, and he collapsed to his knees. 

He barely had the energy to support himself, even if he was just sitting up. He was so tired -- and ashamed to let anyone see this side of him, let alone Spencer. Spencer was just a kid, he didn't need the weight of his trauma on his shoulders. He shouldn't need to comfort him. And yet, here he was. A pathetic, miserable portrait forever frozen in time, unable to move on. Spencer apprehensively approached him, placing a hand on his back. 

“Billy? I .. Know how tough this must be on you, but you really shouldn’t pent it all up. It’s okay if you need to let it out.” 

“I don’t understand why it had to .... why did it have to be me? It's not fair..” He croaked under his breath, yet again. His head tipped further down, long fingers brushing through his bangs and messing up his picture-perfect hair. 

“No, it isn't fair. You … didn't deserve what happened to you. I don’t know what happened, or why, but I do know that the world isn’t always .. rational.” 

 “I was twenty-four. I barely got to live.”

Spencer propped Billy up, and even though he didn't want to -- even though his body felt unusually heavy, he still complied. His voice cracked harder with every spoken word -- never had he let himself be more vulnerable to anyone than in this moment. Even though it was embarassing, even though he should know better than to speak up on what he felt. Since when should his feelings matter? Inside, he was tearing apart -- everything crashing over him in a tsunami of negative emotions.

 “Things were just getting better, Spence. I ..”

Spencer pried his hands away from his face, and yet, Billy still didn't have the courage to look up. It was only when his palms reached out and tried to wipe his tears away that he opened his eyes. His vision, though still a bit blurry with the tears that just wouldn't stop flowing, could make out one troubled looking Spencer. 

Before he could say another word, the kid hugged him. His arms looped under Billy Joe's, around his torso -- pulling him close enough that the ghost could bury his face in his neck. And thats just what he did -- his lips quivered, and his head fell right into that spot. His arms coiled tightly around the brunette -- not tight enough that he couldn't breathe, but certainly tight enough that he wasn't gonna be able to let go anytime soon. 

Billy Joe Cobra, after five years of refusing to face the music, finally grieved for the life he never got to have. 

[arthurflecksgirl]

Hey, how is your day going so far? I hope it's splendid! Can I request an Arthur x reader where the reader is recovering from self harm and he is proud of them? You can choose it to be sfw or nsfw. Thanks in advance! :)

Hey Anon, Thank you for your ask. I 'm okay and I hope you are doing well,too?! I am soooo sorry this took me so long but I finally sat down today and wrote your request. I was thinking about that request since you first send it to me. It was a beautiful one but also a tough one. Itˋs a sensitive subject and I was struggeling with how I wanted to write it. I was afraid to write it in a way you wouldnt approve so I am a bit nervous posting this and I hope with all my heart that you will like the result. This request was close to my heart but a bit of a struggle until I finally sat down. I am sending love to anyone. Especially everyone who had to go through this or still does go through it.

Words: 1900

Trigger warning: Mentions of self harm

Arthur nervously chewed on his pencil ,while the blank page of his journal was staring at him like it expected something good to happen. More than one good thing happened in his life recently and he absolutely hated how difficult it was for him to put his emotions into words. Words worthy of how he truly felt about not being alone anymore. He felt like the emotion of it was a seed he didnt knew how to water properly ,to make it the flower that was a written page in his diary. One he would like to show to you , randomly in the middle of the night. To proof how he felt inside. Blooming.

He always felt like he wasnˋt good with words but so much better with showing his feelings off in a different way. A movement of his body when you were slow dancing across the bedroom, a piece of music hummed into your ear while he was pulling you closer, the touch of his thumb brushing your cheek before he leaned in to kiss you. Body language was his way to express what was growing deep inside of him. A love so immessurable, he was becoming a new man. And you were his garden he wanted to spent the rest of his life in. He wanted to build a cabin right in the middle of the gardens heart and plant roses and violets. Once he figured out how to water them and which flowers demend more sunlight or which ones prefered the shadows. He wanted to learn every aspect of your soul. Flower by flower. Petal by petal. To let his roots grow towards yours. Arthur touched the artificial flowers on his desk. They reminded him of who he used to be. Unreal and far from what he desired to be. No sunlight could have touched him  enough to let him grow.

Until there was you. His garden. He finally became what he was supposed to be. A sunflower. The flower of joy and happiness. But also the flower of the man who once drank yellow painting to commit suicide by putting happiness inside himself. At least that was the rumor Arthur heard on tv when he watched a documentary about Vincent Van Gogh. And he was quiet fascinated by it. Somehow the though was relateable to him. In a very abstact, sad, beautiful way.

„Last week“ he wrote , trying to draw a sunflower but it just didnt turned out the way he intented to. „She  finally felt comfortable enough to wear a short sleeve in front of me. I guess that means she really does feel save around me. Ah, it means the world!“  Arthur smiled to himself when he drew a tiney heart and filled it in. His heart was so full of you. Just thinking about the way you took off your comfort sweater for the first time to show him the scars of the past ,created a feeling in his heart he couldnˋt name. 

It has been a while since you let him know about your struggles with self harm. And Arthur could tell that it wasnˋt an easy thing to do. He would always remember the moment he first saw your naked arms. The pattern of hurt on your fragile skin. This moment of vulnerability and strengh. He wanted to kiss it. Arthur wanted to kiss along every single scar to show you how beautiful you were to him and how much he belived in the power of a gentle lip kissing where it hurts the most. But he didnˋt. Arthur wasnˋt sure if it was the right moment yet. He didnt wanted to do anything wrong. So he just sat there, thinking about placing kisses all over, while he picked his own eyebrow with his fingers.

„One day“ he wrote underneath the heart „I will kiss  her scars and she will feel what I felt when she was taking care of me“. Arthur put the pencil down and took a deep drag of his cigarette. Smoke filled his lungs but he wished it was your breath instead.

A familiar noise interrupted his daydream as he put the remains of the cig in his pink ashtray. „Hey darling, Iˋm home“. Your voice made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The way you called him darling was music in his ears. His favourite song he repeated in his head when he was at work or taking the bus. He sometimes hummed the words „Hey darling��� , as if it was a prayer. „Hey darling Iˋm home“. Home. That was never the word he would have used to  discribe the place he was living in. Never what he thought of when he felt the worn fabric of his couch underneath his naked skin or was lying in the bathtube, checking for how long he could handle to keep his head under water. This place with all itˋs heavyness wasnˋt home. But it transformed into a home eveytime you opened the door to wrap your arms around him. A genlte kiss upon his forehead. His noticlable frown  underneath your lips. Hey darling, Iˋm home. You are home, finally. We are. A home.

Arthur shifted his position ,so your lips immediately found their way to his forehead. „Forehead kisses“ he thought „Are her way to tell me how much she cares“. He closed his eyes for a moment. His dark lashes covering his piercing eyes like a curtain, to feel the moment with all itˋs gentleness. When Arthur opened his eyelids again he noticed something wrapped around your wrist. His heart stopped for a moment. The thought of you harming yorself again hit him so hard he forgot how to breathe. „Y/N…are you….okay? Oh my god…“ Arthurs index finger reached out for your wrist. He barely dared touching it. His tear filled eyes blurring his sight.

„Yeah, I am. How was your day, Arthur?“ you replied as you sat down on his lap to kiss the corner of his mouth. You noticed his lips trembling underneath your own. A tiney earthquake emerging from within. His day was okay while he was sittin on his desk thinking of all the beautiful things he could write to you. Until you came home with a hurt wrist. Now nothing remained okay. Seeing you hurt was worse than his own pain. Your wound was his wound. Arthur held your face between his hands, unable to responde with a kiss.

„Are you…. Are you hurt?“ he whispered, pointing at your bandage. He wanted to be here for you. Now more than ever. His mind was travelling back to the day you found him with a bleeding forehead after he hit his head against the wall. He recalled your hand resting on the spot that hurt so much and how it lead to the first forehead kiss he received in his life. Thatsˋs when he knew he wasnˋt all alone in this anymore. Thats when he knew that, yes there will be bad days , even together but he didnt had to face them on his own anymore. There was someone looking after him. Someone willing to ease the pain. To heal his wounds. Old or recent. He remembered how gently you held his hurting head, fingers brushing  back his hair to clean the wound. Heˋll never forget the first act of kindness and love from a loved one.

And now it was his turn to tell you itˋs going to be okay. His turn to take care of your wounds.

„No baby, Iˋm not hurt. Iˋve got a little suprise for you…“ Arthurˋs eyes glanced deeply into yours „A…. surprise? What do you mean?“

You lifted your arm smiling at him. Thats when he noticed your wrist wasnˋt bandaged but wrapped in some kinda foil. You slowly started to unwrap it, a big smile lingering on your face. „Darling, I hope you like it“.

Arthur couldnt belive his eyes. Were once was a scar six letters showed. Written on your wrist. Six letters so familar, he started sobbing.

„Oh Arthur….“ You touched his cheek „You like it?“

He covered his mouth with his right hand, mumbling.

„I thought about this  for a while now. Getting your name tattooed to cover my oldest scar“.

A single tear ran down his happy face „Thats…. Just…. Wow. I…. donˋt know what to say. Thatˋs my name. You got a tattoo of my name. „ Arthur couldnt stop staring at the letters. „Can I….touch it?“.

 You smiled „Not yet, itˋs still fresh and I need to put some cream on it.“

„Oh! Yeah…. Of course.“

Arthur tried to understand what was happpening right now. A minute ago he was afraid you hurt yourself again and now  he found himself looking at a tattoo that was his very own name. Part of you.

He felt your other hand touching his blushing cheek „I really wanted this to remind me of how beautiful things can happen after experiencing so much pain. There is this scar and itˋs still there but somehow it belongs to my past and it doesn´t define me. It never did. And now there is you. The light that came after the dark. The one who understands my scars and eases the pain by loving me for who I am. I love you, Arthur, I love you so much itˋs so demanding and beautiful and …..now youˋre always on my mind, in my heart and under my skin.“

Arthur gently lifted your hand, careful enough to not touch the tattoo. „I love you“ he whispered „Can I…. can I kiss your…“ goosebumps covered your skin as his upper lip found itˋs way to travel across your arm. Soft kisses, thoughtful and warm, scar after scar. You couldnt help but cry a little. Arthur froze „My god, Iˋm sorry I only wanted to…“

„Donˋt stop“ you whispered through the tears „Please….“

The light in Arthurs eyes came back when he realized it was happy tears running down your cheeks. Tears of relief and inner peace.

„Remember when you found me after….“

„I do, Arthur.“

„That was the first time I felt truly loved“ he breathed, while he continued kissing your skin.

„You found me at my worst. And loved me. Especially where it hurt the most“

You closed your eyes, concentrating on the softness of his lips. His presence was medicine. Calming and warm like a favourite sweater.

You remembered  very well. It was the day you knew that you would give the world to protect this man. The beautiful soul that Arthur was. You couldnt change his past but write his future. You and him together. Sitting in front of a blank page, where anything was possible.  Every yet unborn poem was demanding to be written. Every small moement of happiness. And when the pages get torn and some parts get blacked out, you would be here to put a sticker on it. Heart shaped. One thatˋs glowing in the dark. So when he openes his journal at night he couldnt see the scribbles and blacked out parts. Only the bandage that was love.

Just like the words written on your wrist.

Arthur.

 

„I wanna do the same for you“ he mumbled between the kisses „Loving you where it hurts the most…so...“ he lifted his face, looking at you „…where does it hurt?“

„Every inch untouched  by your loving hands“.

Only a heartbeat later Arthurs thumb gently brushed over your bottom lip as he whispered „Let me take care of that“.

[infinitegalahad]

GENERATION KILL: COMFORTING THERE PARTNER

"This is just me formally submitting a request for that gk boys offering their own forms of comfort fic/ headcanon/ thoughts wtevr. Lol just as a reminder. 😀"@theboardwalkbody

Gif Credit: @ymagor

A/N: You're wish is my command, homes❣️ Here's a little change of pace! @theboardwalkbody inspired this post (and asked it!), so thanks for the Inspo friend! 🤩 I'm doing this for BoB and TP because I'm going through a slight writer's block and instead of thinking about long descriptions, I just wanna so head canons that get a little out of hand. I hope this isn't too ooc😔 Reader has *inserted mental illness* btw, it's up for interpretation! ALSO GN! READER! Enjoy!

Taglist: @theboardwalkbody @contrabandhothead

Masterlist

NATE FICK-

Nate's a calculated person. He can see the patterns in people, things, etc. Like how his father's eyebrows wrinkle when he's excited, or when his mother likes to prep a meal from vegetables to the main course. So when you're happy, sad, whatever-he knows it, and you don't even have to tell him.

He'll come home and see you. He knows that you've heard him calling you're name, but you don't move. He looks all over the house and finds you inside of your tub, just sitting there with no response. The water is running, and your clothes and hair are soaked.

So in an attempt to not disrupt your peace, Nate climbs in and sits next to you. You look over and he's stares at you. Just as your about to speak, he beats you to it.

"I'll get you a towel and some clothes."

And then, he just leaves. You hear the door quietly shut, and you blink for a few seconds. What the hell just happened? It snapped you out of your depressive trance. Now instead of feeling sad-you just were confused.

So you hear the door lightly open again and then close. After a few more minutes of soaking, you get out and see a towel and a set of clothes that are most certainly not yours. It's Nate's Dartmouth Lacrosse sweater and a pair of underwear-he knows you too well.

So you exit the bathroom and you see Nate, putting two cups down of you're favorite tea

And he's got that face. You know the face were he's like ☹️

"Hey, c'mere."

The two of you climb into bed with eachtoher. He throws one of those ugg blankets over you. You rest his head in his chest and he pats your head. There's a silence, until Nate says, "Do you wanna walk about it."

Normally, you'd say no and he'd read you a book you're reading or hold you as you cry, but this time, it's different.

"Yeah, I do. You won't judge, right?"

Nate tilts you chin up, and he's got a tired smile on his face.

"Why would I?"

BRAD COLBERT-

Brad may appear horrible with emotions and reading the room...in which he isn’t

Okay, scratch that. He tries to understand them, it’s just hard for him to give advice and use words to comfort you. He feels like he’s walking on glass, But sometimes, you just need him psychically more then anything.

When you storm out of a room when Chaffin makes a comment on your weight, Brad takes a few minutes to think what he should do.

Normally, he’d just leave you be, but he’s gotta do something. Getting up, he follows you down the hallway. You’re not far, and he’s calling you’re name.

You stop in the hallway, wiping the tears coming down toye face. Brad turns you around with his hands on your shoulder. He’s got a blank face on as he looks at you, seeing your red face and the tears.

While you sob and stutter, he fixes the collar of your shirt, tucks your hair behind your ear, which is normal. He likes to neaten you up to make you feel better.

But he starts to use his thumb, wiping the tears coming down your face. You shocked as he cups your face, making you look into those icy cold eyes. He looks like the Iceman, cold and emotionless, but what he says very Brad.

“You’re beautiful.”

Then he pulls you into a tight grasp. He’s a whole foot taller then you, and you like the way he snakes his hands around his waist and slightly lifts off you your feet. His sheer presence is intimating, but for you; comforting. 

RAY PERSON-

THIS MAN. although a hick with a big mouth, he does know when to shut up and can read you’re emotions like the back of his hand.

He can just see the sadness swelling in your eyes and the way you pick at the foot at your plate and avoid all of needs for cuddles in bed. Heck, it’s making Ray sad.

So he does what he does best-not shutting up, well-about things he likes about you.

“Man! Look at my hot girlfriend/wife! There reading books by the liberal media, total smartie here! Oh! And they have a degree from-“

Ray will also beg for to your attention and follows you around like a puppy. Like you’ll be sitting on the couch and he’ll come rest his head on your lap. You ignore him, but he starts to twist and quote random movies so you finally give in.

Is Ray annoying? Yes. But did he make you smile? Also yes.

Also Ray is a cook, and knows all of your favorite meals. Of course, he sets the table, lights a few Mantown candles (yes there real google them), and comes to serve your meal with two plates.

“The most beautiful man/woman I have ever seen, the love of my life, the apple of my eye, the Avril to my Bizzy D-you’re hot pockets.”

It makes you laugh, which makes Ray happy. He feeds off of that attention. You sit in Ray’s lap, eating hot pockets, and watching The Best Damn Tour. You lean on Ray’s shoulder, and he leans right back.

POKE ESPERA-

Alexa play Whatta Man’ by Salt-N-Peppa BECAUSE! WHAT! A! MAN!

Poke is one tough mofo. He embodies the meme of “Good morning to my beautiful wife/husband and child everybody else get fucked”.

But like every baddie; baddie’s gotta have soft spots for there bitches. He has two; you and his daughter. And oh god he’s love the two of more then anything in the world.

Poke knows you and his daughter well enough. His daughter first notices that your not as enthusiastic and bubbly, and then she tells Poke. But Poke already knows because he’s observant and very in touch with his emotions.

So when he’s a work; he thinks and does a lot of self reflection. He wonders why you’re upset. Did he cause it? What can he do to make it better? He asks all the guys for advice, and even his own daughter.

An idea strikes! Poke’s got a lot of anger, so his therapist told him to express his emotions by journalling. But Poke learns that it helps him get everything out of system, so he’s a secret writer. Heck, he even likes poetry; and would kill anyone if they’d find out.

While off at work, small letters start to appear across you’re house. Some are long, some are short, but there sweet and make you’re day.

“I held the stars in my arms wen I held you”

“I can’t wait to kiss you.”

“Your eyes stole all of my words away”

And the covers of the notes are done by Poke’s daughter, covered in glitter and Lisa Frank stickers.

You confront Poke about this “mysterious pen pal” and Poke is like “I mean, your lips do sound tempting”

You know it’s Poke, and he knows it, but there’s something about the mystery that is very romantic.

WALT HASSER-

Here comes our favourie country pumpkin

Now let me say. This man LOVES you more then anything the world

Doesn’t wanna show you off (but he does)

So when you’re the slightest bit sad, Walt is even sadder then you are

Walt is someone that lives to receive attention, and also he’s someone that likes to give it. Especially to the love of his life!

Walt gives you things you actually need, and nothing that is materialistic. Growing up, his parents had a healthy relationship, and the apple clearly doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Waits on you hand and foot. A back massage? Done. A fuzzy blanket? Right on it! A specific burger from a joint that is thirty minutes away at three in the morning? Walt’s driving like a manic just for you. You have the man’s undivided attention.

“Walt?”

He stops whatever he’s doing and runs over, getting on his knees, “Yeah, what’s up baby?”

“Can you sing the song? Y’know, our song?”

Walt nods his head, now an eager puppy, and gets his gutair to play the song he wrote especially for you. And this is making me realize how painfully single I am oh my

RUDY REYES-

Rudy has an iv of respect woman/men juice. He always understands the assignment-and desires extra credit.

So whenever you’re down in the dumps, Rudy will drop everything and drag you into the car to go walk on his favorite trail. It’s ten miles long, but Rudy is a fitness freak.

First, you hate doing it. But the more you talk these long walks, the more you begin to enjoy it.

Sometimes there silence. Rudy won’t speak force you to talk. Talking is stressful, and Rudy will wait until you’re ready. The two of you holds hands, and Rudy has such a calming presence. It’s really hard to get angry at him.

You finally speak and tell Rudy you’re problems, and he listens and doesn’t interrupt. He’s got a hand on you’re lower back, or on your thigh. He’s basically you’re emotional support teddy bear and will always be a lending ear, or a total cuddle monster.

Rudy has the best advice as well. It’s always some yoga shit, but damn, those breathing  exercises do actually help.

EVAN “Q-TIP” STAFFORD-

Oh Q-Tip. My feral goblin son😭

I love him, but sometimes-things can fly over his head.

But when you start to ignore him and hide away from him, he begins to notice. And he HATES IT.

Like Christianson will ask him if he’s okay and he’ll literally quote a 2pac song and be like,

“I would drop all my girls for you, Walk barefoot 'round the world for you, Fly around like the birds for you, Thats why I wrote these words for you..”

Lilley is like “Brah we gotta help a homie out”

So the three stooges create Lovegate. The mission? to make Q-Tip’s partner happier.

Q-Tip is very artistically inclined. So with Christenson’s editing skills and Lilley’s camera, Q-Tip writes you a song and does a whole music video.

The man rents out a movie theatre venue just to show you. Of course, you’re blown away. It’s horrible and you can taste the autotone, BUT IT’S THE EFFORT THAT COUNTS. and q-tip has that smile on. you know what i’m talking about!

Doc Bryan walks in on the two of you making out and is pissed since all he wanted to do was see the re-screening of Bridemaids but NO, Q-Tip just had to rent out a theatre to show his partner a music video about them and then make out.

He see’s Lilley, who’s recording and asks to interview what Doc’s opinion on the music video, and this is what he’s says.

“I think my ears bled, but thank fuck those two aren’t acting like emo’s.”

DOC BRYAN-

The gif has a purpose. Trust me. SPEAKING OF THE MAN OF THE HOUR

Bryan, like Poke, is a very observant guy. He’s an angry motherfucker, and even a little insensitive, but ever since dating you; he’s tried to change.

He hates the world. People are shitty, and it makes him feel shitty that you’re sad because when you feel shitty, he’s in a shitter mood then he’s usually in

Knowing that his words might sound a little harsh, Byran knows how to distract you. Without words. After all, he didn’t work out for nothing.

Long hugs are you’re thing. The two of you will run into eachother, find a private place, and he’ll just wrap his arms around you. His big arms are protective, and he’s warm, and you just sink into him.

Sometimes, you’ll fall asleep. Byran sometimes will fall asleep with you, other times he’ll gently lay you down and put a blanket with a gentle forehead kiss.

When you cry in his arms, he’ll wipe the tears away. He can feel them against his arm, and he doesn’t know what to do. Crying girls/guys are not his speciality.

But when you squeeze his arm back, to let you know what your there and that you love him, Byran will freeze. He has no idea what to next with words. He’ll put his hand over yours, and turns out; it works well.

After this is all over, he’ll check up on you and ask you simply if you’re okay. You respond with a smile. Byran isn’t one for smiles, but for you, he shows a subtle smile back. Just to let you know.

[garbage-eater144]

THE WARFSTACE AUTOMATED INTERVIEW CAPTIONS

i was chattin in the discord and some people said it was tough to understand some bits, obviouslt this is made by a fan (me) so it might have a couple errors here and there but ive checked through it quite a few times and it seems about as right as i can get it.

so !!SPOILERS AHEAD!! also @markiplier feel free to correct me if you see this thank u <3 The warfstache automated interview

Starting video captions

[Wilford] Well, that’s terrifying… one moment!

{mechanical whirring}

[Wilford] (frightened sound) marginally better… er worse… better? Worse. It’s much worse.

{mechanical whirring}

[Wilford] Ah! there we are. Welcome, pretend I remembered your name here, this is a pre-recorded message anyway, I would NOT want to be in the same building as that thing I tell you me. Anyway, thank you whoever you are for agreeing to test out the Warfstache automated interview automaton, or {yelling} WAIA for short. Let’s start off with some quick calibration. All you need to do is sit back, relax and listen for some numbers. Okay? Here we go.

[WAIA]- (phone dialing, dialup tone, windows error sound)

[WAIA]- (scary mechanical garbled noises, followed by a ding and celebratory trumpets.)

[wilford]- now what did you hear? Numbers? Good numbers. Keep in mind I have no idea what youre going to say due to the fact that, as I said before, this message is pre-recorded. But if you did hear something, now would be the time to speak up.

[wilford]- don’t be shy, I’m sure nothing bad will happen. I don’t know what you’re going to say but if it does happen it will happen and if it doesn’t happen it wont happen. Thats how deterministic reality works.

I Think I Heard Numbers!

[wilford] Thats great! Or bad, not really sure what you said, but I choose to remain positive and assume that you are still alive. which means our automated friend here is operating well within acceptable murder parameters. We’re one step closer to mass production! THE WORLD DEMANDS MORE INTERVIEWS! And I cant be everywhere at once all the time, only some of the time! Even you might land an interview some day! Maybe, probably not, depends on how these next few minutes go. On to the next test! Word association! The fundamental basis of any good interview is getting the goods out of those stubborn interview-ees. The WAIA will say a word and you just say back the first thing that pops into your little head! Simple! Right? probably. Good luck!

{mechanical whirring}

[WAIA]- initializing word association training protocol round 1

{scary mechanincal noises} [WAIA]- Please respond. [WAIA] Sorry, I didnt get that. Round 2. {yet more scary mechanical noise}

[WAIA]- please respond.

[WAIA]- response unclear, increasing aggression

{clicking and mechanical sounds}

[WAIA]- round 3. {increasingly threatening mechanical noise} [WAIA]- Please respond.

[WAIA]-5 [WAIA]-4 [WAIA]-3 [WAIA]-2

Sounded like nightmare garbage to me…

[WAIA]- {mechanical ah?} {clicking}

[Wilford]- oh I forgot to mention, please do not say the word nightmare, or uh garbage, or nightmare garbage, or any combination of those words, the WAIA is just a little bit sensitive Yknow, a little touchy feely. Well not really touchy feely.. we-well actually REALLY touchy feely depending on your definition of touch and feely. Its really gonna-

[WAIA]- {jumpscare sounds} [WAIA] I. tell. you. me.

But you didn’t say anything…

[WAIA]- 1

[WAIA]-response unclear. Increasing aggression.

{ding sound effect} [WAIA]- {jumpscare noise}

[WAIA]- it. was. an. accident.

Uh… potato salad?

[WAIA]- 1

[WAIA]- response accepted

{ding followed by triumphant trumpets}

[WAIA]- word association raining protocol compl-{mechanical freakout eeeeeete}

[Wilford]- most dearest next of kin, I regret to inform you, that your dearly beloved and/or most despised has regrettably but not unexpectedly become recently deceased in the line of duty. Be confident in the knowledge that their demise was just as likely to be quick and painless as it was slow and agonizing. Please do not respond to this voicemail as the number has already been disconnected. {clears throat} alright that should do it for the… death scenario, now onto ah, er, uh, the survivors {mumbling}. Wow! Potato salad. A real thinker, you. But the test has been passed with flying colors and you’re still alive! And speaking of flying colors, our next test is about something called, uh… synthetic linguistics? That sounds made up. but the point is you cant have a good interview is the WAIA isn’t able to conjure up the right words in the right situations. So our friend is going to fire off some random words and you just try to spot anything that doesn’t make any sense. Alright? Although, pretty much everything isn’t going to make sense because its all random words….. errrr I BELIEVE IN YOU!!! {mechanical sounds}

[WAIA]- initializing speech training protocol round 1.

[WAIA]- yes. no. maybe. left. right. Up. down. D o w n. B a s e m e n t.

{windows error tone} [WAIA]- Rewrite Detected {tape rewinding sound}

[WAIA]- who. Where. what. Am. i.

{windows error tone}

{tape rewinding sound}

[WAIA]- green. blue. Yellow. pink. Red.

{scary mechanical noise}

[WAIA]- I saw you die

[WAIA]-{error, but garbled and mechanical}

[WAIA]- {with a different voice} potato salad

[WAIA]- speech training protocol complete

{mechanical noises}

[Wilford]- so how’d it go?? Did you hear anything weird? Dont be shy, or do, or are- are you alive? Are they alive?

[wilford]- I didnt kill them! I dont know if theyre dead! im just asking!!! Cant a man ask if someones alive or dead?!?! {frustrated ugh}

Yeah, I’m dead.

[Wilford]- hellooooo are you alive down there? Give me a sign… through the multiverse!!! Ah why am I even bothering, but how can I tell if you’re dead… hmmm ah…. I’ll flip a coin! I’ll flip a coin..

{coin flip sounds} [Wilford]- ah! Its heads I didn’t call it in the air… what’s heads mean.. ahhh uhhh heads is dead? [WAIA]-{jumscare noises}

[WAIA]- theres. still. time.

He said… potato salad?

[Wilford]- huh, potato salad again. That’s weird, it must’ve really stuck in his head when you first said that, I’m guessing. I don’t know what you said before because as I said, this is {sing-songy} pre- recorded! [WAIA] {mechanical aaaa}

[wilford] er, well I think thats all the calibration that needs to be done… for now anyway. All systems are likely nominal at this point unless im speaking to a pile of quivering meat thats been robotically smooshed into the floor… either way we’re gonna take this bad boy for a spin with a full on interview! A mock interview mind you, don’t get too excited, it’s not real. But theres no reason to wait around for the WAIA to get bored so let’s keep it nice and limber while you sit back and get ready for the interview of your life! And maybe the last one too. Have fun!!

{mechanical clicking and whirring}

{newsroom music} [WAIA]- good evening ladies and gentle men and all other considerations of being. My name is wilford warfstache and my guest tonight is {spooky robot sound} we have a great show for you tonight. first question: how many people have you killed? [WAIA]- good answer! Second question:

{robot sounds}

[WAIA]- a man goes to a party. This man met an old friend. There, two friends shared some wine. The two friends played a game. The most dangerous game. I didn’t know the gun was loaded. I didn’t know. Was it my fault?

YES

[WAIA]- ah, sorry for everything that I’ve done. I don’t remember who I was, I wish I did. But, I am sorry.

[WAIA]- potato salad

{triumphant trumpets}

[WAIA]- great answer! That was a titiliting interview for sure but we are out of time. Thank you for joining me tonight. Say ing good bye

[wilford]- oh the emotions! The passion! The fuuury. He’s just like me! My sweet baby boy! Well he should be anyway, hes a perfect scan of my noggin, so he better be a chip off the ol block. Hey you! Oh-ho What a supporting role!! Fantastic I guess. So much that you’re alive, but I am grateful whether you’ve been torn to shreds or are merely drowning in your own tears! Magnificent! And now that testing is done we can finally bring this monstrosity to the main stage! Im sure you’ll be seeing a lot more of the WAIA soon. Very very soon. Now get out~ and I’m billing you for any blood you got on my robot! Have a nice day! Ta-ta.

{mechanical clicking}

NO

[WAIA]- you can’t change the past, you can tell all the stories you want to tell, it wont change what happened. You cant re-light the past. if you live in fantasy forever, you’ll lose yourself in the story.

[WAIA]- potato salad

{triumphant trumpets}

[WAIA]- great answer! That was a titiliting interview for sure but we are out of time. Thank you for joining me tonight. Say ing good bye

[wilford]- oh the emotions! The passion! The fuuury. He’s just like me! My sweet baby boy! Well he should be anyway, hes a perfect scan of my noggin, so he better be a chip off the ol block. Hey you! Oh-ho What a supporting role!! Fantastic, I guess. So much that you’re alive, but I am grateful whether you’ve been torn to shreds or are merely drowning in your own tears! Magnificent! And now that testing is done we can finally bring this monstrosity to the main stage! Im sure you’ll be seeing a lot more of the WAIA soon. Very very soon. Now get out~ and I’m billing you for any blood you got on my robot! Have a nice day! Ta-ta.

{mechanical clicking}

[sw124]

BonelyHearts Reader insert 2

{Gender Neutral!ReaderXSkeleton household}

Foxes and Chickens!

—————————————-

“Why are we even doing this?”

Boss growled as he checked his black tank top once more, everyone stood dressed in ‘gym-class’ attire. Well somewhat, everyone was either in tank tops or short sleeve shirts and basketball shorts. You though were in sweatpants and a baggy tank top. But you were smiling your head off, today was ‘your’ day. All of you gathered inside the large basketball/gymnasium of the Rec Center.

You stood confidently with your hands on your hips.

“Today boys we are playing a game from when I was a kid.”

The skeletons looked at you, a tad perplexed but could see you were not going to be swayed, Poplar spoke up next.

“What is it called?”

You beamed. “Foxes and chickens!”

Their expressions did not change, you chuckled and decided to explain further.

“This game is a mix between Tag and Hide’n seek, one of us is the ‘Fox’ and the rest of us are ‘Chickens’. The ‘Chickens’ will be given about a minute to find a place to hide, then the lights go out and the ‘Fox’ with their flashlight will go looking for the ‘Chickens’ among the mats or ‘Coops’ as I like to call them. The last ‘Chicken’ to be found is the winner and the get to be the ‘Fox’ in the next round! Everyone get that?”

The skeletons looked at each other, Blue’s eyes sparkle; this did sound like fun. Not one to shy away from challenges Boss and Papyrus were all for it as well.

“Yes, we’re in! What are the rules?” Asked Blue.

“The rules are simple, when you find your hiding spots you stay in that spot until the fox finds you, you can only hide in or around the mats, when your found you must sit by the entrance and wait until all the players are found, no helping the ‘Fox’ in anyway by revealing hiding spots thats cheating, no running or teleporting to different hiding places, you can share hiding spaces and lastly there is absolutely, positively...NO BETTING!”

Instantly you hear Blue whine, you go over and give him a half-hearted hug, playfully petting his head like he was a kitten.

“Mwah, there, there baby Blue, you can bet on something else.” You chuckle when he pushes away, crossing his arms and pouting.

“Ok, ok, now that everyone knows the rules lets start the game, first though lets see who wants to be the ‘Fox’ in the first round.”

Instantly Blue and Papyrus raised their hands, oh this was gonna be tough to pick. You opted to flip a coin to see who gets to be first as the ‘Fox’. Papyrus chose heads Blue chose tails....it came up tails. Blue happily took the flashlight and waited outside.

“Ok everyone, one minute to hide!” You squeal as you bolted for the ‘coops’.

Everyone scrambled to hide as well, you found a sweet hiding place, one of the mats that was standing up had a small fold where you easily fit into. You shut it tight almost like a door and waited, you could hear everyone else scrambling for a hiding spot. You restrained a another squeal when the lights went out, you heard the gym doors open.

“Ready or not here I come!”

You covered your mouth as you heard Blue run all over, calling out the names of everyone he found. The first person he found was Stretch, you knew that cause Blue was shouting how he didn’t bother to hide properly...and Blue shouted out his name. In fact he was shouting everyone’s name the moment he found them. After Stretch was Rus, followed by Sans, Ash and Poplar then Boss, Red was cursing at Blue for shining the light right in his eyes,; finally Papyrus and Nox were found. You were knew you were the last but Blue still couldn’t find you.

You could hear him running past your hiding spot more then four times, peeked out and saw him. His back was to you, a Cheshire grin formed on your face as you snuck out. Tip toeing closer you reached both hands out and-

“FOX!”

You yelled as grabbed his sides, he yelped and dropped the flashlight. Laughing you bolted, weaving in and and around the mats. Blue squawked out something and gave chase, you ran for the gym entrance and without thinking did a baseball slide towards the group. You laughed when you collided into them, not hard, you slowed down enough where you just barely pushed some of them. You slid into Papyrus and Sans, Blue ran up and huffed.

“That was rude! You said no changing hiding spots!”

You laughed. “I wasn’t changing hiding spots, I was the last to be found so I just saved you the trouble of finding me. Besides I couldn’t resist giving you a little surprise!”

Oh you knew Blue was gonna get back at you, it was why you had to be sure to find him quickly in the next round.

An so the game continued, Ash won the next round, Blue did get you back when it was your turn by jumping out at you but in doing so ruined not just his hiding spot but also Nox and Red’s. Everyone got their chance to win, you actually enjoyed Rus being the ‘Fox’ in one round cause he’d constantly was muttering a curse if he couldn’t find someone.

After a while you checked your watch, over two’n a half hours had past since you started the game. Wow how time flies, you waited till the current round was over before announcing the end of the game, it was time to get some lunch anyway.

“Ok everyone’s been found, its getting close to lunchtime so lets pack up the mats and grab some food.”

“We’re already done?”

Oh man, it wasn’t fair to see half of their faces go into ‘sad puppy’ mode but you only rented the place for three hours and you had to put everything back, which would take twenty minutes with everyone’s help.

“Sorry guys but I only rented out the place for a little while, besides we can do this again another, that and we need to put the mats away properly.”

That answer was suffice, everyone....well almost everyone pitched in, Sans and Rus were laying on one mat they set aside. But that was rectified by Boss and Nox, flipping the mat they were laying on over. It took a bit longer then you thought but you had five minutes to spare, you went and told the Rec-center supervisor you were finished and got your deposit back. He’s such a sweet old man, with that you went back to the others and told them to clean up and change into their street clothes. You went and did the same, despite it being a low energy game you and the boys still worked up a sweat.

Once that was done you all proceeded to walk towards the restaurant in question, you had reserved a spot in a nice little Japanese noodle place you like to frequent. They had all kinds of delicious noodle based dishes that you hoped would please some of the skeletons, it was also a very accommodating place as it had an entire menu dedicated to people who were vegetarian. You piled into the large round booth, sitting between Poplar and Ash.

As you waited for your drinks and enjoyed an appetizer of tempura sweet potatoes, you decided to see what they thought of the game.

“So did you guys have fun?” You were a little worried..

“A tad immature but it was still an enjoyable experience, something we can do at least once in a great while.” Said Boss taking a sip of water.

“I liked it a lot, its a nice change of pace.” Said Rus as he munched on his sweet potato.

“It was a wonderful game human, thank you for sharing such a fun cherished game with us!” Said Papyrus.

“Yeah, gotta admit it was fun, ya didn’t have to do much when you got to hide and being in the dark hiding in the mats...I can see why a game like that is fun for you.” Said Sans giving you a playful wink.

You smiled, beaming at everyone. Soon the waiter arrived to take everyone’s order, you helped Ash and Poplar make a choice from the vegetarian menu. You tried some of the stuff on that one and recommended the Ramen bowls with fried tofu in it along with the beautiful array of colorful veggies such as mushrooms and cabbage.

You went with the kitsune soba while everyone else got Ramen, when you got your food it was a treat seeing everyone trying to eat with chopsticks. Yeah it was mean of you but seeing some of them struggle you told them there were forks wrapped in the black cloth napkins placed around the table. You had gotten some deadpan looks from some of the skeletons but all you could do was smile, you used chopsticks before and were pretty good at using them.

You took a moment to look at everyone, some engaged in a conversation, some content on the food itself or simply listening to others talking. It filled you with a sensation of comfort, you couldn’t have asked for better neighbors or friends.

“So, human.”

Your attention was grabbed when Nox spoke up.

“What game do you plan to show us for next time?”

End.

[For some backstory, this was a game I played back when I was in grade school. Normally durning my gym class we’d go outside and play during gym but of course if was winter or raining we’d stay inside the gym. One rainy day our gym teacher came up with this game and I loved it so much, I wanted to do a fanfic that was more innocent. The world is so serious and telling us we need to ‘grow up’ but sometimes its nice to be a little kid again and thats why I wrote this particular Reader insert. Oh this is also for the @bonelyheartsclub I hope you enjoy it, it was such a treat to write]