#like i get why Peter always went back to remarry this man

[thebeholdingsfavorite-mrbitchard]

I need more Elias Bitchard in my life. I'm already drinking in every ounce of him I can get from the episodes, to fan art and literally all the fan fics. I want to turn him into a smoothie and inject him into my veins(in a completely normal non-weird way). I'm like speed listening to tma just for Elias at this point and it hate him so badly for all that he has done. But fuck me(not really), he's really hot and I love the energy he exudes.

[persephoneyss]

The Monster.

Pairing: park jimin x f!reader.

Genre: Yandere, dark themes, anguish.

Summary: ❝You can be reborn like spring, but your nightmares will follow your footsteps at night.❞

Warnings: Yandere behavior, obsession, voyeurism, Jimin is a little delusional, implicit murder, death threats, a little violence, stalking, death of secondary characters, reader idolizes his mother, humiliation.

Number of words: 6000+

︙ Author's note: this is my first fic here, sorry if there are errors. My first language is not English and I don't speak it fluently either, so I used the translator. Sorry about that. I hope you enjoy it, I am open to criticism. Thanks!

(Puedes leer este y más fics aquí en español.)

To block.

Your mind felt strangely familiar, like it was processing the same situation all over again. And then the same thing happened again.

Blocking.

You never noticed those little details, invisible to the eyes of others. Or maybe you took too seriously the message and advice that your mother always told you when you were afraid of being left alone in your room because of the obvious and silly repetitive story of the monster under the bed, you were crying looking for your mother's room in the middle of the night. You were looking for refuge in her arms. However, the only loving words she had for you were: "Ignore him and he will go away, darling."

It seemed very clever to you, you began to close your eyes ignoring your worst fears and in a short time you could do what most children could not at your age, sleep alone in the dark.

Your mother was wise, maybe that's why you never understood why your father left her overnight. She never commented on the subject and little by little it was forgotten in her daily lives. Your father never existed, you never saw him again.

In his small town no one was exceptionally well known, unless he had done something good or bad enough to be called a hero or, in the same way, a villain. You were barely seven years old when it happened, a family with a lot of money had chosen your town as a decent land, enough to build their luxurious house where their children who came from golden cradles would grow up. According to the gossip, they were foreigners coming to invade their town and rule it, when in reality the Parks never got more involved in politics than necessary.

They were just rich, spending money.

Young women from all over the world and even from other distant towns came every day to try to conquer the privileged children of the great mansion built finely and strategically in the middle of the main square. The young women were beautiful, many times you stood at the door of your house admiring their distinguished perfect faces and you wondered if the children of the Park family were really worth it so that young and beautiful women who had previously been rejected would come back again. in search of new opportunities.

Your mother sometimes stood next to you with a smile and released another phrase that ended up marking your style of thinking, her voice sounded so ethereal: "Money compensates for external beauty, plus the dignity that you lose to those who possess it, it will never have a price."

Your lost look made her smile beautifully badly, then that same sweet voice that taught you things that other women would see as irrelevant, she too moments later she orders you to come home to eat. You thought about it so much, your mother was beautiful, she could remarry if she wanted to. However, she never did, or at least until that day.

You were poor, you were never afraid to accept it. You noticed it almost immediately, when you saw other children playing with toys that seemed impossible that you will ever possess, your mother was friends with the one who was best friends with your father, a carpenter who seemed to be very kind. He always gave you toys that came out with small defects and he couldn't sell, he was a good man until he seemed to misinterpret the situations and her relationship with your mother, unexpectedly asking her to marry him. Obviously you had to stop seeing him after the rejection. However, you were stubborn like the woman who gave you life, almost every day after finishing school you walk two streets to her local.

"How is your mother? Any suitors who weren't rejected the first time?" You laughed, helping him finish his last job. You shook your head, Peter was always very nice and honestly funny, you still didn't understand how your mother could reject them, but you never got into adult affairs. You were just an eight-year-old girl.

"She still misses dad." You whisper trying to drive a nail into loose wood, before being interrupted by Peter.

You look curiously at his downcast face of hers, as if she was keeping something deep within himself. But he quickly changes his expression as well as the subject. "Very good girl, no more help for today" he says, removing the dangerous tools out of your reach, you let out a exhausted sigh wanting to help him. Deep down you felt guilty. "How are you doing in school? I heard that the Parks will start a new campaign to help more in the education of the children, maybe you can see someone from the family up close."

You move your head in distracting affirmation playing with a piece of wood, Peter watches you for a moment and then sighs. You really were special, and if I could tell what happened to your father, you would let go of that glow for sure.

The following days passed in the same way, there was only a radical change in your routine. Now they forced you to stay longer in school so that you could take art classes with the children of the Park family. You had heard many mothers talking to yours about how handsome they were, and since their daughters would undoubtedly have a chance with Jimin, who was the eldest son and of course the first-born heir, you thought for a long time about a tall man with more years than all those young women who hallucinated with the perfect millionaire husband. However, it was all an illusion. Jimin was not a man, he was a seventeen year old teenager.

Perhaps the young woman who did win him over would be very lucky to marry someone her own age and not a bitter old man who only had money. Jimin was everything, young, handsome and a millionaire, the best bet of any woman.

His first class was alongside his current teacher, introducing each child in the Park family. They were all very handsome, but Jimin seemed to shine brighter than the stars in the dark night. You wondered if his younger siblings would become jealous of him, it would be an interesting concept considering you had no siblings.

Your hands moved the clay very patiently, your classmates seemed to enjoy these classes and they were undoubtedly fun.

"What a beautiful flower ..." You smiled nodding, no one would ever think that someone like Jimin would be delighted with the common drawing of any girl. Her gaze traveled around your pure and innocent face, as if she couldn't get enough of you. She sat next to you, admiring how your hands continued to play with the dough creating new shapes and I certainly enjoyed every second.

She had never met someone who would attract so much attention from her, you were ethereal. Jimin was immediately drawn to you, your gaze clear as daylight and your soft features, maybe you were just a girl but you seemed to tempt his attention incredibly badly from him. He felt the strange sensation of making sure you were okay, safe, probably in his arms.

He followed you closely, always arriving at the same time. Her mother used to say that Jimin was very irresponsible, she never complied with the basic principles of being a Park: Discipline, order and punctuality. Jimin was different, his siblings may have fulfilled those three bases just to give what they wanted to their parents and receive more affection from him, but not him.

Jimin was obsessive. Impulsive, and he had self-control issues.

The biggest dangerous trait that his parents noticed since he was little, is that he suffered attacks of anger against anyone without caring about the consequences of this. More than three of his babysitters claimed that little Jimin had hit them, slapping and shoving them. But all of this was radically ignored by the Parks, who turned a deaf ear claiming that their son was simply too controlling, and in a way, he was. Jimin liked to have everything under control, at his disposal.

Jimin found himself fascinated with your little eyes looking at him without fear and, even though it was painful for him, without love. For you, he was nothing more than a stranger. He tried to change that, sitting next to you every day and talking to you a few times when he could get more than two sentences out of you. He liked art, I could tell by the way you focus too much on a small painting of an insignificant tree.

If you liked trees, Jimin could buy a forest for yourself.

You loved roses, he could plant thousands in every corner of town.

Or maybe, your obsession with the smell of vanilla. Jimin went wildly for the most expensive vanilla scented lotion, hoping for some praise from you and he really didn't fail.

No, when the next day he sat next to you and your gaze turned to him with a kind smile. "It smells great, Mr. Jimin." Your soft tone and your minimal compliment was enough to make his entire body shake, his hands began to sweat and his voice seemed to falter. It was amazing how you managed to make him so nervous, while he was still a child.

"Y-do you like it?" She asked even knowing the answer, your head bobbing in a quick nod and an even bigger smile adorns your features.

You put your painting aside for a moment to continue responding, Jimin feels elated to see that his plan worked. Now you're just looking at him, as it always should be. "It smells like vanilla, I like vanilla." You say honestly.

"I see, I also like vanilla." You seem shocked, Jimin increases the tension of him fearing that he said something wrong. He really wasn't lying, maybe vanilla wasn't something he used constantly but he didn't dislike it either, he was just disguising and embellishing a crude truth.

And before long, Jimin feels his life take an unexpected turn, people had started to notice his closeness to you. They called him an angel when in reality he was a devil, rumors and silly praise that he would be a good father were not lacking and the young women who came to his door every day to look for a date with him increased in an exorbitant way. You were oblivious to all that, clearly. However, you could not ignore all the looks that fell on you when you accompanied your mother to the market, as from one day to the next you became someone important just because you were the focus of attention of him Mr. Jimin, as you used to call him with respect. Peter also suffered the consequences of this, you had not stopped going to his store and the young women looking to conquer Jimin or at least get his attention began to follow you wanting to win your affection so that you will speak well of them with their desired man, no you were interested in what they could offer you but the biggest problem was that they did not like to receive a clear 'No.' as a reply.

They were insistent and often annoying. They followed you closely, even when you went to school or to visit Peter who now only went twice a week, you did not want to go out and have to face the pity that it gave you to see many beautiful young women begging for a vague love and that I was looking for more money arrangements than anything else. Also, not all of them had good intentions with you. Your mother made sure of your safety in the face of any incident, and with that came her last word, her strict order not to approach Park Jimin again until he found a wife.

The rest would be history.

He would surely forget you and start forming his own family, having his own children and likewise, looking for his own problems. Instead, that never happened. Jimin had discovered your plan, he was angry, he couldn't believe that you were ignoring his attempts to approach you in such a way. Your attitude was so pure but you were hurting her so much.

He was delusional, she knew he was. But he didn't want to stop. So, he did the only thing that would make you stay by his side.

You felt strangely calm, you had been to and from school with no one following closely in your footsteps. Until you noticed that the whole town seemed to look at you with superiority, with caution. Peter never stopped taking care of his store, however, that day it was closed. You gave little thought to that coincidence, walking home with slow steps. Deep down you were scared.

Maybe you thought you could feel it, in front of your house a crowd of people lay watching the most unexpected marriage request. Your mother was uncomfortable, you could tell by how her face was distorted, and how her hands seemed to shake for reasons not yet known to you. You watched in horror as Jimin knelt before her with a smile pulling a ring out of a small red box.

For a moment, you thought about your father. You felt strange, you always wanted to have a warm fatherly hug but it made you uncomfortable to imagine Jimin occupying that place, you did not want him, you did not love him as a daughter to his firstborn or as another similar relationship. He was a stranger.

Your body fell into the seat reserved especially for you, your eyes observed any place in the church trying to disperse your mind. Your little shoes brushed against each other, your hands rested on the wooden seat waiting for the wedding to end as soon as possible. You never wanted to oppose your thoughts to the idea of ​​your mother falling in love or getting married again, you really didn't care much as long as that person was good for her.

However, he was Park Jimin. You felt disgusted when her mother looked at you from afar with despicable eyes, just as anger consumed you when Mrs. Park tried to embarrass your mother in front of everyone. You didn't ask for this, nobody asked for it.

Maybe you spent too much time thinking around you to notice that Jimin was unhappy. A little upset. He had done what he had to do, chained you to him in some twisted way, marrying your mother and he felt happy, at first. I could see you walking through the church, you were wearing a little white dress to match your mother's and for a sinister moment I imagine that you were the one walking towards him to be named his wife. But he quickly came back to reality, you weren't his fiancée. You wouldn't be his wife.

Deep inside him, he knew how gross it was to feel like this.

Your mother's eyes reflected how unhappy she was, her gaze was uncertain. Jimin smiled seeing how you kicked the decorations that fell to the ground, you were completely oblivious to everything and more to the look of her that she followed you closely. Many called him a good father. Seeing nothing but his protective attitudes, but under the circumstances there were only hints of what might come next. You weren't allowed to leave Jimin's house, his father had left the mansion where his whole family used to live.

Mrs. Park could find no better excuse to leave than the sudden tantrum of her first-born son for marrying an older woman, a widow, and a daughter. This is a mockery and disgrace to her family's last name. Jimin just let her go, he wasn't even there the day her mother boarded the first train to her grandmother's house.

Your mother flatly refused to leave her house at first, she did not want to leave the little cabin that your father had built with his own effort so that both of them would live there and in the future raise their children, you always lived there and you did not want to leave either. But you never had a solid vote, your mother ended up agreeing from one day to the next, you did not know how Jimin managed to change his word so suddenly. Maybe there was never one reason, but you became all of them.

You were painfully present at all times. You observed how little by little, the wispy and wise glow that your mother possessed was getting lost between her empty eyes and her bent body, her head was never raised as she taught you it should be. She was a stranger, you felt scared in her presence. You remembered very well how her face seemed to light up when she saw you coming home from school and how she taught you something new every day.

"Mommy..." You spoke, your hands were still busy with the picture that you hadn't finished painting. But curiosity began to attack your mind.

Your mother came out of the kitchen with a little gray apron, she smiled when she saw you sitting on the floor. "Yes, honey?"

"Why do people get married?" Your gaze lifted from the sheet of paper, wincing at her glowing eyes.

"It depends, it's not necessarily for love. Maybe for money, comfort or ..." her voice trailed off, she still staring at you she leaned down to take your face in her hands. "Because they found someone, as cute as you!"

"Mommy ... I want to marry you!" Your mother began to laugh, your gaze traveled all over her face, joyful of hers and for a moment, you swore that you would hate anyone who dared to take away the great happiness of a genuine smile.

You finished your drawing, just in time because the front door echoed through the entire cabin. Your father appeared with a small drawer in his hands, your mother seemed to be illuminated with an angel when she saw him enter with a kind smile. Both were such for which. They were, more than lovers and husbands, lifelong best friends. Your life seemed to have something that many do not get even after death.

An outer and inner peace. It was perfect.

Almost so perfect, it wasn't true. White roses were always your favorites. However, you began to detest its soft light petals when it seemed that all the townspeople bought the same bouquet of white roses for the funeral of your, now, deceased mother. You took a seat next to her grave, ignoring everyone's greetings and goodbyes, who apparently forgot how her criticism of her increased even as the days, months and years of her wedding with Jimin passed.

You couldn't blame anyone. Or you just didn't want to.

Because the rope around his neck was not placed by them. And the multiple scars on his wrists weren't his marks. A small part of you felt helpless, angry and respectively, disgusted with yourself. Could you help her? Yes. No. Maybe if you had ... And he had stayed in the past.

The little white rose in your hand fell to the floor, everyone had left the room to go to the large buffet served at the reception. You froze, then with the same rage you began to step on the already dead flower at your feet, the petals of it were no more than a pure color, now they were disgusting and dirty. Jimin appeared minutes later, your gaze fell on his hand that was holding a black and a red rose.

"We should go, honey." He whispered as if afraid to scare you even though you were already looking directly at him. Your immobile figure instinctively ran into his arms, which greeted you with an incredibly loving warmth. The roses were placed on top of the coffin, a smile spread across your face when you saw the color red stand out against so much white, and for a second you came to compare the beauty of an outstanding color with your mother.

She stood out in a world where everyone wanted to paint themselves pure white.

Jimin was even more welcoming to you now. He pretended to sleep waiting for 11:30 to arrive so that he could hear your footsteps on the way to his room, you had developed a great amount of fear of loneliness. Jimin knew you always did that, but before it was with her instead of him. You would walk for several seconds looking in the dark for his room, which was next to hers, then I would always hear her voice singing for you, making you rest in his arms. For a long time, I want to be her. But now he was gone and I knew it was a matter of time before your steps stopped at his door.

She loved the closeness of your body to hers, how your hands clung to her nightshirt when you were cold or a horrible nightmare was projected into your dreams. Jimin horribly wishes he could see beyond your dreams, although that would be disrespectful to your privacy, he wouldn't mind breaking your trust too much if he could be sure that you would never walk away from him, even in your dreams.

He managed to chain your life to his, your scared look was the most beautiful thing I have seen before. I want to touch your little face and kiss your soft lips that tempted him every time the word "dad" came out of it.

Time was his greatest enemy.

Your presentation was no better, your hands were trembling again while your feet moved from here to there restlessly. Jimin just watched silently, but the distance between you and him was gigantic, he just wished that the damn bitch that was presented before him would shut up and leave his house. It was remarkable how you seemed angry, maybe it's jealousy, she has feelings for me. He thought sickly, a smile spreading across his face discreetly at his incoherent thoughts of him. The young woman sitting on the sofa in front of him smiled thinking that her talk had caused some pleasure in the young and widowed man.

Jimin admired her face, she was very cute, also she seemed to have good manipulation technique in people. She noticed it quickly when she walked through the door, her smile that seemed uncontrollable and genuine lit up his childlike face. He took a few seconds, he knew he shouldn't do it but he couldn't help comparing the woman to you. You were shorter, you were obviously younger and your gaze was more pure. Jimin was proud of your firm stance, knowing that in the two years since your mother's death you had developed a closer connection with him, and likewise, you were a beautifully perfect copy of him. Your hard gaze and your legs crossed with each other showed your firmness, and your silent opinion.

You wanted the fucking bitch sitting across from your stepdad outside your house.

You laughed at the very idea of ​​one day finding a really good replacement for your mother. You couldn't replace a rose with bad herbs. For you, as selfish as he was, Jimin was your father, and he was your mother's love from the day he married her. No one would replace his position.

It was all three of them, and a part of your mind conned that Jimin still wasn't over the love he had for her. Or he would have remarried long ago, when the young women stood in front of the door of his house asking for a date with him. In those moments you didn't care, Jimin was a stranger, but now he was your father and you were his only daughter. No one had the right to ruin their harmonious relationship, they were both alone and someday serious like him.

You will be successful, you will make a lot of money and you will be able to marry someone you love.

But for now, your gaze fell on the little worn and dirty shoes of the woman in front of you. A smile crossed your face, your gaze lifted surprising the woman. While Jimin waited with his arms crossed for your following action.

"Woman." Your voice seemed to cut her tranquility, her face lost total color of life and a small grimace of fear passed over her fragile face. "I can't allow shoes like that to step on the carpet in my house ..."

The woman looked at Jimin who seemed indifferent, distracted by the painting on the wall.

"I'm sorry miss" she whispered trying to remove her shoes, his hands seemed more clumsy than usual. Her face burned when your hand moved closer to hers to prevent any further movement.

"Go away." A tiny part of you felt sorry for his embarrassed face and flushed cheeks. But it quickly came to your mind that she thought she was good enough to believe she was your mother. When she couldn't even challenge a stupid girl who acted like a spoiled brat. "Get out of my house, or I'll have to ask you not to just take off your shoes."

"I-sorry, I'll go now-..." A sob interrupted her dialogue, her hands searched for the notebook she was carrying but she gave up making a quick bow to Jimin and running outside.

The garden was your favorite part of the big house, the walls constantly made you believe that you were going to be eaten by them. Every day you came out of your lair admiring the many roses of many different colors growing beautiful and healthy. Your school stage was about to begin and you did not want to neglect your garden, which was also a tribute to your late mother.

So you hired a gardener. You were seventeen years old and soon to be eighteen. To say that you managed to experience the best of all those years was ridiculous, and deep down inside you, you thought that all of that was possible because of all the things Jimin did for you.

You had a debt, which you planned to pay in the future. You thought about leaving and letting him have a quiet life from now on without having to run to solve your problems, even if you never asked him to.

Jimin had eyes watching your every move, he clearly remembers how he put security cameras throughout the house, observing how you slept, what you did in the comfort of your room and privacy. Even when you walked into the shower and your hands ran over your body covered in water. Sometimes he felt guilty, for how he seemed to enjoy those moments that seemed so short.

However, it was repeated that as long as you were safe.

Breaking your trust wasn't that important.

Your eighteenth birthday was moderately quiet, Jimin was not used to throwing parties, and honestly, you never asked for one. So you just stood at the door of your house receiving expensive and cheap gifts from people who when they gave you the gift had a forced smile that told you many things. Most were familiar faces, of women who had previously sought a date with your father, obviously being rejected.

The little birthday cake looked so monotonous, the candles were the only thing you could stand out for. You were never aware that you had started to be privileged and extremely ambitious since Jimin proposed to your mother and forced her to marry him, pointing a gun at her pathetic silly little head. You had it all, and in your previous years maybe you managed to get excited about the new toys and accessories that were brought to you from other countries, you had everything that others did not, and a strange epiphany collapsed over you.

It was you, it was déjà vu. You were them, and those who were before, were now you.

You had all of them, and they didn't. Now, by your side, they were all poor. Jimin showered you with gifts, causing you to gradually lose interest in money. You remember your thoughts when it all started and likewise, you still remember the woman with the dirty shoes. You will be successful, you will make a lot of money. It was what you thought in the future for yourself, but now that was it, in a nutshell. Completely boring. You stayed for a moment thinking about them under the watchful eye of your stepfather who tried not to smile when you saw you, you were an adult now and he could finally take you as his own. They would be husband and wife, as it should have been from the beginning of its history.

And you will be able to marry someone you love. You still had only one option left, you blew out the candles with a single sigh causing Jimin to clap his hands and approach you to hug you fondly. The maids behind you only blushed when his boss started showing all of his affection. They weren't used to seeing him so often, Jimin had a firm and tough stance with everyone but he seemed to become as soft as clay in your presence. You came to mold Jimin in your favor, making him a cold person in front of his own demons and then, you left yours.

"I want marriage proposals, father." A gasp came from the mouths of the maids who just immediately fell silent. Lowering their head as they were taught. "I am ready to get married."

Jimin hummed still keeping his arms around you, your body was trapped in theirs. Your skin burned when his fingers squeezed your skin, leaving permanent marks. There was no reaction from you, you were used to this kind of unexpected treatment and it just didn't hurt.

"Get married?" His arms pulled away from you in disgust, there was no other reaction either. Jimin taught you not to object unless you knew you should. Stay calm and you will win. "And can you tell who would want to marry you? Useless little girl."

"Useless?" Your low voice seemed to make him happy for a moment.

Quickly his hands took the utensils to cut the cake, with a soft and sweet voice he continued: "Honey, men do not look for a girl with a lot of money like you. They look for someone to tame, and you, you could easily crush everyone with a wave of your hands."

A piece of the cake perfectly positioned on the plate was placed in front of you, a sob escaping your lips. You were really pathetic, eh? You clearly wanted to live something that has been claimed many times. You weren't going to get married, not without having it all like Jimin said. Then, you would lose everything and go back up to crush the others with greater pleasure.

"Aren't you going to eat? It's your cum-..."

"I will go to a neighboring town, I will finish my studies there."

Jimin looked down at his plate, ignoring how you got up from the table and put your cake aside. Then, your sweet voice finished destroying his self control that he thought he mastered long ago.

"I never liked that cake taste."

And it was the end.

You went back to the start again. You were planning to leave tonight, your bags were ready. Everything you needed was never in that house, it was never him. They were those that never existed in your present continued.

Your shoes did not seem to contrast with the dirt on the town's floor, you were also aware that those would end up in the trash. You didn't care, they were just shoes Jimin bought for your birthday, insignificant.

People were observant, and often foul-mouthed. It was no different than they spoke far from you or close to you, yet their mouths moved in a fussy way exaggerating reactions and creating new lies.

"_____...?" Your posture was decreasing, you no longer had to pretend. A smile covered your face, framing many emotions in one. "Come in please, it's your house."

Peter stepped aside, leaving room for you to enter. Your hands trembled but this time from cold, you still did not get over the harsh winter that suddenly passed. You took your shoes off quickly, briefly forgetting that this was no longer your home. You had sold the little cabin at a minimal price, and you were even happier when it was Peter who chose that place as his future home to live with his wife and his future child. Now he had two more. The little children ran in the tiny room playing with each other, a feeling of nostalgia invaded you when you saw them. You used to do the same before, together with your parents.

Those moments.

"Glad to see you around here, daughter." Peter hadn't changed, he was still the same kind and understanding person as ever. The opposite of you, of course. "Do you want to have tea? I heard on the streets that you would go to study far from here."

"Coffee, please." You responded still reluctant to talk about your departure.

Peter just laughed at your exaggerated denial, nodding and leading into the kitchen. You took a seat at the small table looking around. "You didn't change the decoration."

"Uh? ...." He seemed surprised by your observation, but he quickly smiled. "No. Actually, I think I liked it from the beginning how your ... er ... your mother decorated it. Besides, my wife loved it too. For her, it's beautiful as spring."

"Spring?" You ask, avoiding looking at it. You look down looking for some reason not to feel sad, in a way, you had compared your mother to spring as well. However, Jimin said that you were his. You never liked being called a light, because you always tried to be in your mother's shadow. And you liked it. "She believed that she is very wise, my mother was like spring."

"Thanks." A voice whispered from behind, your gaze fell on her and her face very much like your mother's. But they were obviously completely different. "I never doubted that you were just as wise. Spring represents the new beginning, a new beginning. Did you manage to find yours?"

Peter tried to intervene, clearly noticing the way his wife was trying to make you talk about your life after your mother died.

"I did. That's why I'm leaving here tonight."

"I'm glad we all need to be born again at some point."

You affirm with a small movement of the head, concentrating your gaze on the coffee cup in your hands. The smoke fell directly on your face hiding your grimace of disgust. Nobody deserves to talk about her like that yet.

"Ok, honey." Peter began by sitting across from you, with a cup of green tea and a serene expression. "Are you planning to go alone or with someone? I heard that travel today is very dangerous."

"Actually, I am accompanied by an acquaintance. His name is Jungkook, he also planned to leave and started working for me as a gardener to get the necessary money. We became good friends." You spoke remembering the adorable smile of the young man, he used to accompany you everywhere you went as if his job was to protect you. At first it was cute, but then it was annoying. Even after all that, you preferred to travel with him rather than alone.

"Oh that's very nice. I'm glad you managed to meet your goals. Good luck."

Your goals?

"Thanks, Peter."

His gaze lingered on your face for a moment, then he seemed to remember something very important. She gave you a smile before getting up to leave the kitchen.

"I have something for you, you are old enough to know this."

It was an envelope. Common and ordinary, but its envelope was beginning to deteriorate, showing that it was an old and very reserved letter.

You questioned your decision but took it, not wanting to read it in front of anyone even more when you read who wrote the letter.

You sat on the small wall, the trees and the cool breeze boosted your adrenaline. Small pieces of paper fell to the ground. So, you weren't thinking correctly at those times.

"I only married a man that I loved in all my life, I was happy. I had a daughter. I lived years of solitude and then, I was chained to an empty love."

"I know what you're reading this now. You're weak, darling. Maybe that's what made us mother and daughter. Because from the beginning I never had the courage to tell you that Jimin put a ring on my finger and a gun to my head. Or maybe, I was weak when I didn't get in the way of his errand, I should have told him that I hated him and that he could put a bullet in my head before giving it to my daughter. And maybe, I should have told everyone who passed by me that He was the same one who murdered my husband, he never left. I made you believe that. You never asked. "

"I saw you so happy today, you were running between the garden and the wedding. I could see his gaze following your hurried steps, I was almost completely sure that he was trying to get closer to you at all times. I told the woman next to me, But she shut me up saying that I can't be jealous of a father and daughter relationship. You weren't her daughter. She also ordered me to let them create a closer relationship, because I already had Park Jimin's heart in my hands. Liars."

"I always loved your curious voice. You used to ask me everything, and why everything was like that. But lately, I don't know what to answer. Why am I crying? Why is there a dark stain under my eyes? Why is there blood in the bathroom? Why did I never ask for help? I see you worry and you don't let me give you affection, because you prefer to give it to me. I also see how I start to bother him, I am a hindrance. Now I understand, I knew it but I never wanted to accept that it happened. He was everywhere, and likewise, I was never part of the plan."

"There were only two things I didn't tell you. I love you and my last piece of advice. Honey, lock it up and fly to the start, whenever you feel lost. A fresh start and never forget spring."

You stifled a sob. Covering up your pain. You had not noticed that the night had covered the sky, a dark blue blanket arrived. It took you a long time to assimilate that all the fragments were torn papers, and it was not a letter. It was an envelope filled with, apparently, incomplete sheets torn from a notebook. There was a fragment that was not part of the leaves, but rather was written later.

"Lost parts of a sad widow's diary.

Peter."

They were from your mother's diary. So where was the rest? What actually happened? A message came to your phone, you read it quickly still drying your tears.

JUNGKOOK:

Our trip is in an hour, I hope you said goodbye to everyone.

Received at 7:05 p.m.

I still do not:(

Received at 7:06 p.m.

Along with both messages was an attached picture, a photo of him and his grandmother. Jungkook talked a lot about her, and hers, her brothers. You smile, still wiping the tears from your face.

Your feet moved, the leaves in your hands seemed too heavy. And yet it was something you needed to do.

"Are you at home." His monotonous voice invaded you, he was busy reading a book that rested in his hand. The maid came over leaving a cup of coffee beside him, greeting your presence politely. "I have some things to discuss with you, darling."

"Me too, Jimin." It was the first time you had said his name without due respect, he seemed surprised for a moment. But his expression changed to one of happiness, as if he had been waiting for it. "I couldn't say goodbye, I'm leaving today. I think you already know that, though."

"Actually, no. But it's nice to hear it from you."

"I ..." Your voice dried in your throat, a giant doubt fell over you. You didn't want to leave without telling him how much you hated everything about him. His attention, his affection, his smile, his gaze, his voice. Everything about him was disgustingly charming. "I think I'll go get my bags."

Jimin nodded, ignoring your presence. Still distracted with reading him.

"Before you go, can you give me that back, darling?" Your gaze followed where he pointed his finger. Your hand. The leaves were still there.

"It's something of mine-..."

"Oh I don't think so. It really is very easy to threaten someone, just suffice to say that you can put a bullet in their head to make them your obedient little puppets."

"I do not understand your..."

"Me? It was obviously me. I'm surprised you thought your mother would be smart enough to leave a confession letter to her ex-lovers, days before her death. You really had a lot of credit for her." His chatter was accompanied by a laugh. You were paralyzed, shaking in your useless state of shock. "But I will not say that I did not plan, I hoped that you would never have the courage to try to leave my side. And even if that were the case, I knew that you would say goodbye to the only person who reminded you of her. Peter, she has a family. lovely."

Nor did he expect you to have the courage to cheat on him with another man. Oh, the gardener. Poor Jungkook, his body now rested leaving behind your favorite flowers. Jimin bit his lip, another mocking smile peeking out with intensity remembering the cutthroat figure of the innocent but guilty young man.

You were his...

"How can you be so cruel?" The doubt in you seemed to want to keep growing, passing second by second through your head. You weren't sure you could understand that everything that happened in front of you was actually planned by the same person who swore never to leave you alone. The same man who disguised himself as a sheep so he could eat you like a wolf. "Did you kill my mother ?!" Jimin seemed surprised by your desperate tone, he did not expect to be able to unbalance your state so easily.

It was lovely. Certainly.

"No sweetie." He murmured closing the book in his hands, setting it on the table next to the steaming cup of American coffee. "But it would have been exquisite to be the reason for his pain. Unfortunately, it was your father who won that title."

"Where did you get this from? I know she wrote it, and I also know that she would never give it to you knowing what a monster you are." Tears were running down your cheeks like water, you knew you were a mess but Jimin seemed to look at you like you were a perfect work of art.

"I found it." He spoke casually, getting up from his seat. Walking slowly towards your trembling figure. "It was a coincidence, I like casual things. It was a coincidence that you studied at that school, that your mother was a widow, that your father died. That he will make me fall in love with you."

What is your goal now?

"I love you darling."

Escape from the monster.

[cultofbeatles]

beginners guide to the beatles

 made one of these a long time ago but i'm surprised by how short it was. so here we go again. doing it right this time lol. 

pov: you told a bad joke and now the beatles are judging you. 

john winston lennon. later in his life known as john winston ono lennon. 

born on october 9, 1940 

i believe in astrology bc how does john just happen to be a libra 

when john was four he started living with his aunt mimi who acted more as his mother figure 

his mother, julia, remarried and would visit him quite a bit.

it was julia who taught john how to play banjo and piano. and she bought his first guitar.

they both had a deep love for music and rock n roll 

he never really thought of her as his mother but more as a cool friend i suppose 

aunt mimi was more rough on him and did the disciplining 

his father was never really present growing up and his uncle passed away when he was young 

he thought he was a curse for the men in his family 

he had five half siblings. two of them, julia and jacqueline, he was pretty close to. the other three he barely knew. 

fashion icon.

hated school but loved art 

very early on he was insecure with himself 

teachers always shit on him and said he would go nowhere in life 

he met paul at a church fete on july 6, 1957 

paul taught him how to play guitar properly.

once told paul that he didnt know how paul carried on after his mother died bc he just didn't think he could do it 

john’s mother died from being hit by an off duty policemen. john was seventeen at the time. 

 he took her death really hard and became a bit of a recluse. 

first serious relationship was with cynthia (we stan her) 

once cynthia cut her hair short and he didn't talk to her for two days. 

hate men. kill all men. 

when he asked her to dance at a party she turned him down saying that she was engaged, and so he said “well i didn't ask you to fucking marry me, did i?” 

slapped her once bc he was drunk and another boy was talking to her.

only time her hit her.

read cynthia’s books about john pls. i beg. 

once a psychic told him that he would be shot in the states.

founder of the beatles and also came up with the name.

instruments he could play: guitar, harmonica, rhythm guitar, banjo, keyboard, piano, saxophone, bass guitar, and a little drums. 

main songwriter in the beatles along with paul.

was more open minded to change in the beatles music. 

was insecure in his relationship with paul after a while bc he thought he only needed him for songwriting. 

would bitch about paul all day long but the second anyone else said something about him he’d be on their ass. 

had a lot of issues and needed a good hug. 

suffered from eating disorders, drug addictions, depression, insecurities, and questioned his sexuality bc of the time. 

was super open minded and ahead of his time in many instances. 

once he was called “the fat beatle” and after that he stopped eating as much.

truly loved his first son, julian lennon, and would buy him presents all the time bc he was excited to see him play with them.

“your famous ex husband”

he enjoyed playing monopoly. 

he once claimed that he saw a ufo.

he had written three books but he always wanted to write a children's book.

 the last song he ever performed in front of a live audience was “i saw her standing there.” with elton john.

he was afraid of the dark. 

found out later in his life that he was dyslexic. 

was also legally blind without glasses.

never could catch a break huh.

said that his best lyric ever was “all you need is love” i agree.

the first time yoko and john met was not at her art exhibit but actually when she approached him about giving away songs for free.

wanted to write a musical with paul. 

once a friend dared him to masturbate ten times in one day and he managed to do it nine times.

would hold circle jerks with paul and a few other friends. 

just dudes being dudes. 

went on a holiday with brian epstein, who was gay, and told some people afterward that they did certain sexual things. but we will never know for sure.

yoko says that john was bisexual.

once in an interview he said that he would of married a rich man or woman if he wasn't in the beatles. 

hated his voice on records. would always ask for effects on his voice for final recordings. 

made a film with yoko where it was just his penis going from flaccid to erect for fifteen minutes in slow motion. 

only beatle not to of become a vegetarian while he was alive. 

murdered on december 8, 1980.

gave his autograph earlier in the day to the man who would murder him.

died at the age of 40.

“all my loving” was played while he was at the hospital.

and its spooky bc a lot of times in interviews he would say “when i'm 40..” 

and it’s sad bc he was finally becoming who he truly wanted to be. 

honorable john moments that i love:

“thanks for the purpler hearts” he says while receiving the silver heart 

“you are the first person from liverpool that i've ever seen” “great”

eric lennon on my mind today 

this come together performance where he messed up the lyrics lol

that interview where paul was sick and john keep checking on him 

john lennon speaking nothing but facts 

when he said that he could see the beatles going separate ways but that they'd always come back together.

SHUT UP 

“shut up while he’s talking..”

this interview breaks my heart sometimes 

and this interview is great as well 

sir james paul mccartney 

born on june 18, 1942

if you ever have spare time just check out this man’s natal chart. 

idk how he’s still alive with his chart tbh. 

he has a younger brother named mike and a step sister named ruth. 

his dad thought he was the ugliest baby he’d ever seen when he was born. 

when he was young paul would kill frogs in a way to prepare himself for the war if he ever was drafted. 

the first instrument he ever learned to play was the trumpet.

I don't even want to list every instrument this man can play but trust me when I say it’s a lot.

but for the beatles he mainly did bass, vocals, and piano. sometimes playing the guitar and the drums.

the beatles was just paul moving really, really fast. 

he lost his mother when he was 14 due to surgery for breast cancer.

never really learned how to cope well with loss of a loved one tbh. 

had the cutest chubby cheeks as a kid tbh 

met john and was accepted into his band 

sometimes they'd ditch school together and either work on music or would visit art galleries.

went to paris with john and john bought him all the banana milkshakes that he wanted.

connected over their love and admiration for music, and bc they had both lost their mothers. 

had a girlfriend’s mom who he would make comb his leg hairs. 

was an ass to his first girlfriend.

kill all men again. 

almost had to marry his girlfriend dot bc she was pregnant, but she ended up losing the baby.

was the one who introduced george harrison to john.

practically despised pete best and stuart stutcliffe bc they were bringing the group down. 

got arrested along with pete best bc they lit a condom on fire in hamburg.

still felt awful and a little guilty when stuart died suddenly. 

main force behind the beatles imo. 

without him we’d have not as much beatles music as we do. 

was dating jane asher throughout majority of the sixties. 

when they first met they talked about syrup and paul fell in love.

they broke things off after she walked in on him sleeping with another woman though.

directed magical mystery tour and it was amazing and I don't care what anyone says ok?

when john divorced cynthia he was the only one not scared of john and went against his wishes of not speaking to cynthia.

was a little controlling at times. 

has a good heart though. 

mal evans had to drive him home once after a beatles sessions bc he was crying so hard. 

was talking about getting the band back to touring when john said he was leaving the group. 

everyone kind of turned against him when the beatles were breaking up and i hate it.

he just wanted what was best for the band.

married linda and had a nice little farm. 

we love that story.

linda i'm free thursday if you want to hang out pls.

started up the whole “no meat monday” thing where you don't eat monday on mondays

food meat. not the other kind of meat.

children: james mccartney, stella mccartney, heather mccartney, mary mccartney, and beatrice mccartney. 

rip martha. 

WINGS!! 

he lost linda in 1998 due to cancer.

 cried for a whole year bc of it.

still has dreams about john and says they're nice.

wrote a sad song about john called “here today.”

really loved john. like..he truly, genuinely did. 

want someone to love me like paul does john. 

“think of me every now and then old friend.”

honorable paul moments:

his story about george’s dad 

“john? he was beautiful. very beautiful.”

humpty dumpty rap 

another story about him and george.

his google search video that I watch every week 

this 

george harrison 

born: February 24, 1943 

or at least we think 

bc he use to say that his birthday was february 25, but later started saying it february 24. 

why can't we change our birthdays its not like we picked it 

he was the youngest child.

baby of the family and of the beatles awwww

two older brothers named harry and peter. one older sister named louise.

when george’s mom was pregnant with him she’d play sitar music.

his mom was super supportive of his career choice 

when he was 16 he worked as an electricians apprentice.

his dad kind of hoped he would start a family business out of it.

george said nah

would ride the bus opposite way of his house just to spend time with paul 

headbutted a kid bc he didn't think they were worthy of paul’s friendship 

was brought into the band bc of paul insisting to john 

would follow john around like a lost puppy when he first met him 

once had an eight hour erection. don't ask me how idk he said it.

was 17 when he lost his virginity and the other band members were in the room watching and cheered him when he finished 

most sex craved beatle tbh 

once walked into a girls dressing room and asked if they could stand there so he could masturbate 

he was the first beatle to go to america 

got a black eye for defending ringo once 

would make john and paul take turns sharing rooms with ringo when he first joined the band so that he felt more welcomed 

when ringo left during the white album and then came back george decorated the studio with flowers for him 

during the beatles first recording session he told george martin that he didn't like his tie

became a vegetarian at 22 

favorite candy was jelly beans and purple was his favorite color 

used the phrase “grotty” in the hard days night movie, hated it, but everyone else picked up on the slang 

met his first wife, pattie boyd, on the set of a hard days night 

was turned down by her at first 

they married in 1966

wouldn't let her do modeling stuff and was kind of an ass 

a stylish couple but not the best image for a healthy relationship 

got into eastern religion around 1965 

during the Hamburg days he would eat chicken on stage 

had an affair with ringo’s first wife maureen 

got a divorce from pattie in 1977

in 1978 he married olivia who he stayed with until his death and had one son with. dhani.

was the first beatle to hit a number one single and album. 

was buddies with led zeppelin

inspired their “rain song” 

smashed a piece of cake on john bonham’s head and then was thrown into the pool by him 

he financed and produced films. had a production company.

tom petty said that george never shut up once you started talking to him 

but he was often referred to as “the quiet beatle”

formed another band called the traveling wilburys

he’d answer questions online in the 2000′s and it’s the cutest thing ever and his answers break my heart too.

“what do you miss most about john lennon?” “john lennon.”

in 1999 a schizophrenic person broke into his house and stabbed him 40 times 

thank god olivia was there bc she was the only braincell in the room 

had to get a part of his lung taken out 

died november 29, 2001 from lung cancer 

ashes were scattered into the ganges river 

honorable george moments:

this interview he did with ringo 

“i'm sad bc i can't play guitars with john anymore. but i did that...i know we’ll meet again some day.”

when he invented reaction videos 

“the wind was blowing.” “..blowing my girl?”

“what kind of girl do you like?” “john’s wife.”

sir richard starkey aka ringo starr 

born on july 7, 1940 

oldest member in the group 

has no siblings 

naturally was left handed but his grandma thought it was bad luck so he writes right handed, and plays drums with a right handed kit 

but does everything else left handed

when he was 6 he fell into a two month coma 

was a very sick child 

when he was 13 he was in the hosiptal for tuberculosis and formed a hospital band 

grew up poor 

loves and looked up to his stepfather a lot 

his step father bought him his first drum kit in 1957

wasn't that great in school bc he missed so much of it from being so sick 

he worked for a britain railway for a while 

also served drinks on a day boat for a job 

loves dancing 

Rory storm and the hurricanes 

got his nickname from all the rings he would wear

replaced pete best as the beatles drummer 

dealt with people hating him for a bit bc they liked pete more 

had to style his hair in a bowl cut to be in the band and i'm still mad at them for making him do that shit 

ringo i'm so sorry 

george martin didn't really like his drumming and had a session drummer come in for the first album 

in 1964 he had tonsillitis, pharyngitis, and high fever all at once and had to be in the hospital for a bit.

was worried the beatles would replace him for good 

he’s a cancer don't worry

was the first beatle to try weed 

drummers always go first huh 

married his first wife, maureen, in 1965 

she kissed paul, ringo, and george.

what a champ

honeymoon was ruined by reporters 

was really insecure in his relationship and needed a lot of reassurance 

had a great relationship with pretty much all the beatles 

but a great one with john 

john felt his most relaxed when he was with ringo

was once in a movie with roger daltrey 

divorced maureen in 1975 

his wife now is barbara bach who he married in 1981 

had alcohol problems 

once gotten so drunk that he beat barbara so badly that he thought he killed her 

put himself into rehab after that 

barbara lowkey looks like jan from the office 

children: zak, lee, and jason

zak is the drummer for the band the who 

peace and love 

but don't send me fan mail anymore 

peace and love 

ringo starr and the allstar band (starting 1981)

was the narrator for thomas the tank engine 

will play at paul’s concerts sometimes now for fun 

mad bc he came on stage during paul’s last concert show and it was on my birthday and I couldn't go to it 

honorable ringo moments:

“do you want me to come with you?”

stupid barbara walters 

talking about paul 

giving us a little dance 

[enchantedlokii]

Calm

Rating: PG

Warnings: none

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark

Mentioned: Ben Parker, Richard Parker, Mary Parker, Pepper Potts, Morgan Stark, FRIDAY, May Parker, Ned Leeds, Michelle Jones

Peter sat at the edge of the small dock, looking out at the water. The moon was high in the sky, making the lake look silver in front of him. His enhanced hearing made it easy to hear the sounds of the ripples and the chirps of crickets that filled the air.

As he glanced up, he saw a clear sky dotted with stars. It was a sight he didn’t see often living in New York City. Even with his enhanced eyesight, the city lights were too bright to make out the shining orbs. He could remember once when he was younger that the power in Queens had been knocked out by a snowstorm and Ben had took him to the roof of their apartment to look at the stars, but that was a long time ago. Still, he was just as fascinated by the beautiful sight.

He liked to think that the stars were loved ones who were already gone to Heaven watching over him. Always there, but just out of reach. He had told Ben his theory that night, he remembered, and Ben had asked him which stars he thought were his parents. Peter had, of course, picked out two of the brightest stars in the sky.

Peter heard footsteps behind him but didn’t look up. He knew from the moment he heard the door opening in the distance that it was Tony. His steps were heavier and slower than Pepper’s or Morgan’s. As he got closer, Peter could pick up the humming of the arc reactor as well and the sound of his heartbeat and breathing. Strangely enough, Peter could always hear a difference each person’s heart and lungs. They each had a unique sound that he was able to identify after hearing many times.

“Hey, Kiddo,” Tony murmured, lowering himself to sit beside Peter. Peter wanted to protest, knowing that it was hard on the man to do so with his healing injuries, but he didn’t have a chance before he felt an arm around his back. “Everything okay?”

“Hey,” Peter whispered, leaning into his shoulder. He imagined that FRIDAY had let him know as soon as Peter left his room and Tony had been watching him out the window from the moment he stepped outside. He was worried about him. With good reason, too. It was hard coming back to a world that had moved on without him. He knew that many people were struggling with this. Many had lost loved ones in the time they were gone. Some had their spouses move on and remarry. In a lot of ways, Peter was lucky. He still had May. He still had Tony. He still had Ned and Michelle. The only thing he lost was time. But it still wasn’t easy.

“Yeah,” he said, finally looking over at Tony. At first, it was hard to look at his face and see the scars from the Infinity Stones, but it was easier now. Getting used to his mentor’s metal arm was the biggest adjustment. He wasn’t used to feeling something cold and hard there. He was used to the gentle touch and callused skin.

He knew it was frustrating for Tony too. He was having to relearn everything, and it was hard on him. He told Peter that he missed having more control, and Peter felt guilty. He wasn’t exactly sure why, either. He just hated the cards that the man was dealt. He had a pretty bad hand himself, but he managed. He had a few of wins to counter some of the loses.

“I came out here a lot before Morgan was born,” Tony started after a beat of silence. Peter, who had looked down again, raised an eyebrow in curiosity as his gaze shifted back. “Then after she started sleeping through the night.”

“Why?” Peter found himself asking. He wasn’t sure where the question came from, but if he had to guess he was likely trying to figure out why, exactly, he had made the decision to come sit by the lake.

“Honestly?” he started, looking over at Peter. “Couldn’t stop thinking about you. Kept wondering if there was something I could’ve done. Something I could do then.”

Peter looked down, fidgeting with his thumbs. He knew now that Tony did it for him, but he still found it hard to believe sometimes. Because why would he care so much about an annoying teenager from Queens? Then he would remember the hug on the battlefield. He would think about how tightly Tony had held him and how he had kissed his cheek like May often did. He would think about the little gestures here and there. More hugs. The smiles that he gave him. Asking him to come visit on the weekends.

Even those first few months that were spent in the hospital. Peter hadn’t been able to sleep that first night. He wasn’t allowed in because of the “family only” policy. He had been beyond upset, but he knew there was nothing he could do about it. The next morning, Pepper called him and told him to come. He had, of course, panicked and assumed the worse. Come to find out, Tony had threatened to buy out the company and fire everyone if they didn’t let him come.

Peter had been hesitant at first. He felt like he shouldn’t be there. Morgan wasn’t even there because they were afraid it would be too much for her. Still, he went and couldn’t help but notice the way that Tony’s eyes immediately lit up and he struggled to try to sit up before huffing and shuffling to one side of the bed, patting the spot next to him. At first, Peter just gave him a confused look before the man teased him and told him it was okay. Peter ended up falling asleep pressed into his side, an arm wrapped around him protectively.

That had been nearly a year ago.

“I didn’t realize you cared that much about me,” Peter admitted, his words quiet. “I thought, you know, it was all professional. ‘Okay, I made this kid a suit and he helped me out, I have to be nice to him now,’ you know?”

“At first, maybe that was all it was,” Tony replied. Peter felt a hand rub his back before moving up to squeeze his shoulder, prompting him to look over. “It started being more than that a long time before Titan. I felt guilty that I never let you know. Thought I would never get to tell you and that you had. . . Left thinking that I didn’t care. That we weren’t there yet.”

Peter smiled weakly, noticing the smirk at the reference to the awkward situation Peter had found himself in just after Germany. Despite everything, he was surprised when Tony pulled him closer, wrapping an arm around him and bending down to kiss the top of his head. “I guess we’re there now, huh?”

Tony chuckled a bit and nodded. “Yeah, Pete. Been there for a long time, Buddy.”

Peter smiled, closing his eyes. He was silent for a bit, listening to the sound of Tony’s heartbeat against the other sounds around them. “Thank you,” he murmured after a bit.

“For what?” Tony asked, glancing down at him.

“Just for everything,” Peter mumbled, keeping his eyes closed. “I don’t know if I’ve ever thanked you for anything. For my suits. For. . . For believing me about Toomes. For pulling me out of the river. For catching me like you said you would. . . For bringing me back. . .”

“You don’t have to thank me for any of that,” he replied. “That’s just the kind of things people do for their kids. Well. . . Their super kids, I guess. I don’t think most parents have to do half of that, but you know what I’m saying.”

It took Peter a moment to process what he meant. He blinked and pulled away enough to look up at Tony. “You. . . You think. . .”

“Is that okay?” Tony asked, frowning a bit. Peter thought he saw hurt flash in his eyes before it turned to a mix of guilt and regret. “I’m sorry, Kid, I wasn’t thinking. I—”

Peter interrupted by quickly wrapping his arms around his neck, pressing his face into the man’s shoulder. He felt Tony relax, one hand moving to Peter’s back and the other combing through his hair. “It’s okay,” he breathed, afraid that his voice would break if he spoke too loud. “It’s more than okay.”

“Good,” he whispered in return. “I love you, Kiddo.”

Peter smiled softly into the fabric of his shirt. “I love you too.”

[notcanoncompliant]

I Never Doubted (pt. 1)

(first Starkercest woo)(it’s not going to be as long as I was thinking, but here’s the first 2,320 words)

I totes wrote this for @silkystark (I hope you like it! <3) and I know I always say I’ll have something done in like a day and then it takes me a week or longer...but I actually do have a part 2 already partially written and I promise (like, full pinky-promise, heart-crossing, needles-in-eyes promise) it will be up by tomorrow evening at the LATEST.

ANYWAY I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS FIRST BIT *hides under a blanket*

@plsstopgivingpetertrauma​ @tightaroundthewebslinger​ @readysetstarker​ @the-amazing-spidertwink​ @stxrker-fan-xx

******************************************************

When his mom had said "Your father wants to meet you", Peter hadn't really thought much of it.

He used to wonder where his biological father was, what the man might be like, whether this mystery person had ever actually wanted to meet him; but the resentment's mostly buried, now. The guy left before Peter was born, and Peter's mom remarried when he was six. Richard's a good man, a good stepfather (if a little distant); so, it wasn't with the hope of filling some kind of hole that Peter had agreed to the meeting. Now he seriously regrets not pushing his mom for at least a name (while simultaneously being very glad she's left the room). Tony Stark is standing in his living room. Billionaire, tech genius, philanthropist, Tony Stark. The man featured on the cover of every one of the considerable stack of magazines under Peter's bed. "Hi, Peter," Tony says, smiling a little, thought it's nervous and fades quickly. "I'm--" "Tony Stark," Peter interrupts faintly, "Wow, um--you're my--" "Yeah," Tony says. Oh, no. "It's--it's nice to meet you," Peter says, walking up and extending a hand that Tony takes. "You too, kid."

***

An hour later, Peter's back up in his room, flat on his back in bed. His jeans are on the floor, where they ended up when he'd hastily shed them after shutting himself in. He rests a shaking hand just above the line of his boxers, easing his fingers under the elastic waistband and staring up into the dark.

He's going on vacation with Tony Stark in a week. A father-son getaway. Christ. As he slowly, lightly drags his finger tips along the underside of his erection, base to tip and back, Peter lets himself think about the thrill of seeing Tony Stark perched in his favorite worn chair, asking questions and cracking jokes, everything about him confident and relaxed save for his long, thick fingers tapping random, ever-changing beats against the armrest.

Tony'd looked scandalized to hear that Peter'd never been on a real vacation. Whipped out his phone, done some digging, and asked if Peter'd ever been on a cruise. When Peter'd said 'no', he'd arched a brow and asked if he'd like to go on one, smiled when Peter had blushed and stammered out a 'yes, yeah, sure'.

Peter's never been on a cruise. He's never really been out on the ocean.

There are a lot of things Peter's never done.

He stops teasing himself long enough to push his boxers down, licks a moist stripe up his palm before returning his grip to his cock. Thinks about the warmth of Tony's hand, the roughness of the callouses. Would Tony offer to remedy his lack of experience the way he offered the cruise? Smirk the way he did when Peter had accepted, an unmistakable flash across his features, excited to be able to give this to Peter, to do this for him? To give him something he's never had? That's what fathers are supposed to do, right? Provide? Teach? "I’m sure you'll love it." The memory of those words, the warmth, the hint of something Peter could swear he saw in those too familiar dark eyes-- When he cums, he bites down on his other hand to keep Tony's name from spilling out of his mouth.

***

He doesn't tell Ned or MJ. There's no part of that conversation he wants to have, isn't really sure how to say it. It's...too big. They can tell something's happened (because they're his best friends, of course they can), but Peter can be stubborn when he needs to, and he spends every day at school resolutely deflecting every attempt either of them make to get him to talk. His time after school, though, he spends a lot more honestly. Jerking himself off to pictures and fantasies of the tech genius is a habit, an addiction, and not something he's trying all that hard to give up. The shame and the secrecy weave through the heat, give him something fresh to think about...and he does. Tony helps, if unknowingly. The billionaire texts him sporadically in the days leading up to the trip (regular things--questions he hadn't asked when they'd met, photos of things in his lab or the view of the city out the penthouse windows) but he keeps eccentric-genius hours, so sometimes Peter wakes up to messages timestamped at two, three in the morning. He gets himself off, not to the messages themselves, but to the idea that Tony Stark is paying attention to him, going out of his way to know Peter in some way, sending him little pieces of his life so Peter can be a part of it, even if they aren't physically near each other.    By the night before the cruise, Peter's given up trying to justify it (there’s really only one flimsy justification, how Tony's never been and never will be his dad beyond the biological sense) and admitted to himself the knowledge isn't (maybe never has been) a deterrent. Just a new scenario, the latest in the endless procession of fantasies Peter's had since he was fourteen years old. He still feels the shame, the heaviness of it, but it thickens the heat instead of detracting from it as he settles back on his bed, naked and teased to full hardness.  

When his phone buzzes, his cock jumps in his grip. No one else texts him this late, not on a school night.

>Hey, kid.

Peter bites his lip, stroking himself slowly as he types out a response with one hand.

>hey >why're you still up

>I could ask you the same thing. >I'm probably supposed to. >That's a dad thing, right? "Fuck," Peter gasps, pulling a little faster. >sounds like a dad thing >I'm sensing a 'but'. "How’d you know," Peter mutters into the dark, blushing and biting back a self-deprecating laugh. He turns, stretching to pull open his nightstand drawer, the near-empty bottle of lube calling his name. When he types out the next response, it takes him a little longer; his texting-hand is a little uncoordinated, most of his focus on running the slick fingers of his other over the tight furl between his cheeks. >BUT youre the one texting me at 2 am >You're right. Not a dad thing, is it.

Peter gasps, broken but nearly soundless, as he breaches himself with a finger, pumping a couple times before adding another--almost too quickly, but he wants to feel it right now; needs to. >i dont think youre supposed to ask my opinion on the subject >Your sass is a positive DNA test. >All Stark. A warm of curl of pleasure winds through him. >did you doubt it Peter's honestly not sure what he's asking for, but he needs the answer like he needed the too-soon stretch of that second finger. Wants a manifestation of his fantasy, to hear (see, read, whatever) that Tony hadn't immediately thought of him as his son, that he wants the same things Peter wants-- The response he gets is simple, and so, so loaded.  >I never doubted you were mine. It knocks the wind out of him. He drops his phone to grab his cock, cumming in a few quick tugs, biting his lip to stifle a groan that's shaped like Tony's name.

****

Reality's an ugly thing, Peter decides when his mom drops him off at the port. He stands there during the awkward interaction between Tony and his mom, listens to them exchange casual (if slightly stilted) conversation. Tries not to flinch when his mom hugs him and tells him to behave himself... ...and then she's gone, and it's just him and Tony. His father. Fuck. "Alright, kid, let's do this," Tony says with a slightly tight smile. They drop off their bags, go through security and the first class line, making cursory small talk (how Peter's week went at school, and a couple of the questions Tony hadn't asked when they'd met the week before), Peter's anxiety building with each step, each word. (When Tony apologizes for texting him so late, Peter nearly chokes on his own spit. He manages to get out a "Yeah, no, it's fine, I was up, anyway", and isn’t sure if he does or doesn’t want Tony to know what he means.) In a masochistic twist, his brain decides to bring every fantasy-driven orgasm from the last few days to the forefront of his mind. By the time they've reached the door to the suite, he's screaming internally, guilty and hard as a rock in his jeans and praying Tony doesn't notice. He follows Tony through the door, to the inner soundtrack of his own panic. Tony'd be disgusted if he knew--Peter is disgusting, thinking about his father like this, sick for getting off on it-- A quiet curse pulls him out of his head. His frantic apology is on the tip of his tongue--I'm so sorry, Tony, Mr. Stark--and then he sees why Tony cursed. There's one bed. It's huge, but it's still just one.     "I'll take the couch," Peter says quickly, because even sort of freaking out, he’s not going to completely throw away the potential opportunity to end up in bed with his number one fantasy. "Yeah, no," Tony says, wandering over to check the dresser drawers, "This is a new experience, kid. Your first time's not going to be on a couch. It's big enough to share." Peter's face heats, gut swooping. "It's--it's fine, really--"

Tony turns to give him a pointed, slightly amused look, and Peter's in hell.    "Okay, yeah, that's. Yeah." "Good," Tony says, shooting him a smirk, "Now. I don't know about you, but I've been on a diet of protein bars, Gatorade, and scotch for the last couple days, and I'm ready for some actual food. Buffet or room service?"

****

"Aren't you darling!"  They should've gotten room service.

MJ's said, before, that Peter's 'pretty', and Ned...well, Ned usually gives a helpless shrug in agreement. He doesn't hold it against either of them; he's aware of his baby face, knows he looks a little younger than his seventeen years. It usually doesn't cause him any problems or draw much attention, except for some of the 'negative' variety from his shittier classmates.

Everyone in the first-class dining hall, though, seem to think it's the best thing. At least six different people have made some kind of blatant comment over the last two hours, but many more of them are looking. A small, still-amorphous part of him is enjoying the attention, and...he maybe (definitely) likes the idea a little too much, that he's whatever they think he is to Tony, whether they believe they’re related or they’re sure Tony’s paying for his time. It doesn't help that Tony keeps touching him. Nothing explicit; the brush of a hand on his elbow or his shoulder, a palm at the middle of his spine, guiding and reassuring. He's leading Peter around, standing or sitting down, talking with these high-society strangers who keep shooting these looks at Peter, and after a while, all of Peter's energy is devoted to not reacting. Not flinching at every fleeting instance of contact. Not gasping whenever the now-familiar weight of Tony's palm presses at the middle of his back. Not giving any sign of all of it's wearing him down to the quick.     "Um, thank you, ma'am," Peter smiles weakly at the white-haired lady, praying she's not about to actually try pinching his burning cheeks. "And so polite, too!" she croons. Peter steels himself, has to fight not to let his eyelids flutter closed when Tony squeezes him where his neck and shoulder meet. A reassuring, paternally-affectionate gesture that shoots straight to Peter's aching cock.

"Careful, I think he might implode. He's not used to the attention," Tony says, and Peter nearly whimpers at the warm, teasing tone. "Well, he better get used to it, an angel-face like that!" They keep talking, but Peter couldn’t say what about. Tony's hand is pleasantly heavy at the juncture of his shoulder, a thumb drawing slow, warm circles against the back of his neck. Peter has one hand under the table, gripping his own thigh for some semblance of control. He's losing it, though, imagining what it would be like cup himself through his pants, to touch himself while Tony touches him like this, easy and familiar. It would be nice, that comfort, that approval, that care-- "--eter, sweetheart." Oh. Peter’s eyes flip open (he hadn't even realized he'd closed them, oh, god) to Tony, gazing at him. He knows. Oh, fuck, he knows. "You're looking a little warm," Tony says, sounding appropriately concerned. "Why don't you say goodbye to Ms. Lancaster and we'll go back so you can lay down?" The woman is clearly eating this up, has noticed none of the tension, none of the heat, as far as Peter can tell when he looks up at her. "Sorry, um--bye, Ms. Lancaster, it was nice to meet you," he manages, and he didn’t know his face could get any warmer. "Nice to meet you, too, dear, both of you," she says, all charmed sympathy, "You just get some rest and try to enjoy the rest of your weekend!" After a last farewell exchange with Tony, she turns to leave. Tony rises from his seat, and Peter freezes. He can't stand up. Tony knows, but he hasn't seen-- That hand returns to his nape, flexing gently, and then Tony's bending down, breath warm at Peter's ear. "Take off your coat, fold it over your arm," Tony murmurs. Peter wordlessly complies, grateful and mortified all at once. He stands, shield in place in front of himself, and studiously avoids looking up at Tony.    A hand settles low on his spine as they walk out of the hall, and Peter is so, so wonderfully, terribly fucked.

[just-dreaming-marvel]

ONE HUNDRED SIXTY NINE - THE END (3)

LEGACY: A Tony Stark Daughter Story

FULL STORY MASTERLIST

ENDING THREE MASTERLIST

< previous

Word Count: 1,180ish

Summary: How life turned out for Bailey Stark and her family.

Everyone was so excited for us. It did take quite a bit of convincing to get Tony on board, but he eventually did. We decided to celebrate by throwing another Gala, where we officially dedicated the facility, announced Bucky and I’s engagement, and Pepper handed over the title of CEO to me.

The many years of my life flew by in a flash. 

The Guardians visited a few times after the Gala, per Nebula’s and Rocket’s requests. It was always great to see them and hear of their adventures in space. They often tried to get me to join them, but I always turned them down, telling them that space was really not my thing and that I was much needed on Earth.

Thor stopped by whenever he was going to check on Valkyrie in New Asgard. He was doing much better than the previous years, it was so good to see. He had began to lose weight and start looking like his normal self again. When he found out about the roof top garden, he requested that Loki be honored as well. I understood why and agreed to it. He would often show up without warning and FRIDAY would notify me that he was on the roof. It made me glad that he was able to find peace somewhere.

Clint and his family stuck to the farm life, with me frequently  visiting. Laura and Pepper were always talking to each other, giving one another parenting advice, especially as Laura’s kids got older and as Morgan was still at the ages Pepper hadn’t raised a child in. 

Bruce kept on with the Avengers, but stuck to the science division. His arm never healed and he never sought out anything to fix it. And I never offered. He believed that it was a good reminder of how lucky he was to survive and a reminder of the sacrifices that were made.

Sam kept the title of ‘Falcon’ though carrying Captain America’s shield. With Bucky’s help, he did amazing things. He eventually did find a wife and had kids. 

Wanda began to work with Doctor Strange. She never found love again. She was always holding out for Vision, believing that they’d be reunited on the other side even though I’d never seen him there.

Steve and I finally got our friendship back to a normal place. He died a few years after the final battle. I was there in the Afterlife waiting for him along side his parents, Peggy, Tony, Natasha, and Howard. Seeing him reunite with Peggy was the much needed final piece to my broken puzzle. I finally understood why he wanted to go back to her so bad. The love I felt between the two was something I had only felt a few times between people.

Happy and Peter’s aunt May officially got together. They even got married. It was so great to see the two of them so happy. Peter was definitely protective over May and, as I joke, I was protective of Happy. The couple had to sit us down and talk to us about being overprotective.

Peter never stopped being Spider-Man. It was the role he was always meant to be, even with his identity known. He ended up marrying his friend MJ, having two kids with her. His kids called Buck and I ‘Aunt and Uncle B’ and I loved it. Bucky secretly did too. They grew up thinking that Peter and I were actually siblings, along with Morgan. I never told Tony, but I believed that’s what he really would have wanted.

Rhodey kept helping with the Avengers Initiative until the day he died. He believed it’s what Tony and Nat would have really wanted. And he wasn’t wrong. 

Pepper never remarried. She never had the desire to. She had found her true love, and would patiently wait to be reunited with him. Pepper died peacefully in her sleep with Morgan and I by her side after living many years of being an amazing mother and grandmother. 

Morgan grew up, choosing to be a genius like our father. She insisted on graduating earlier than Tony from MIT. And she did. She was one week younger than he was when he graduated. She eventually found a wonderful man, who, luckily, could keep up with her and the life she was born into. They had three kids, naming their oldest child, and only boy, Anthony. I didn’t tell her until just before she was married that I was able to communicate with Tony. She immediately wished to see him, saying that she had something she needed to tell him. That was the first and only time that I’d take someone to the Afterlife with me, not counting when Wanda and I made the connection. Tony was shocked to see Morgan there and how she much had grown. Morgan was quick to wrap her arms around him and tell him that she was never mad at him for the choice he made. There was a lot of tearful hugs that day. 

Bucky and I married a few months after our engagement. And I did end up hyphening the name. We never had kids, due to me being sterilized and both of us believing that that was never meant to be our calling in life. As officially CEO of Stark Industries, I made Morgan a member of the board at her request. She believed that she wasn’t meant to be the CEO but still wanted to be apart of the family company. Bucky helped with the Avengers, but mainly stuck with helping Sam step into Steve’s shoes. 

I became a huge advocate for building alliances with people from other planets. And with the Guardians, Thor, and Carol Danvers help, it slowly became a reality. We began to trade and venture out farther than humans ever had before. I created the first colonies on all the planets in our solar system. I created a universe wide communication system, with Morgan’s help of course. I also helped train Avengers recruits, specifically the ones with similar abilities to mine. 

I visited Tony, and the other’s in the Afterlife, no more than twice a year. He forced me to agree to that, believing that I would waste my life away always visiting him. We never could figure out how I was able to communicate with them, but I guess it never really mattered. 

As time went on, it got hard to see people age. I wasn’t aging like everyone, Bucky was even aging. I watched most of my family members die, with me looking like a thirty year old. I kept on as CEO. Hiding was not an option. I finally kicked the bucket at the mere age of two hundred and fifty two. Oh the reunion that was had in the Afterlife. It was magnificent.

So thus ends my family’s story. The story of how we fought to survive, to stay together. How we saved the world-- the universe even-- on more than one occasion. How we learned to love and forgive. The story of Bailey Stark and the Avengers. This was our legacy.

THE END

~~~~~

Thanks so much for following along with Bailey and her story (stories)! If you still have any questions about anything or comments, feel free to ask! Thanks again for all the likes, comments, asks, messages, and reblogs. It’s truly meant a lot. 

My next story should be coming out very soon and should not be as long as this one. (To be honest, I spent almost two years writing LEGACY. So... I had a lot of time to write a lot of things... Like I probably rewrote just the Age of Ultron and Civil War parts at least 3 times, each. They always ended up being longer than the last draft. Anyway... now I’m just rambling...)

For reals though, thanks for reading!

[allicekitty13]

King Of My Heart

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Alice Brandon is a runaway scraping by to survive until the day she meets Jasper Whitlock in a cafe.

Written for Jalice Week 2020 Day1: Vampire/Human

Alice had been living alone, hiding away from the pressures of the world. Five years ago, she had packed a bag in the middle of the night, climbed out her bedroom window, and drove off into the distance aimlessly. Her home life had been... less than excellent, to put things mildly. Her father likely never cared about her; her mother had passed away shortly before Alice's 16th birthday. Her father had remarried within weeks. Even her beloved little sister was starting to look at her oddly. Unable to take it anymore, she left everything she'd ever known behind. Her family hadn't even bothered looking for her, not that she was surprised. Sometimes Alice wondered what they'd told Cynthia about her disappearance... if the younger girl had even cared.

Alice had decided to take up roots in Kennebunkport, Maine, a small town overlooking the Atlantic ocean. People there kept to themselves; they stayed in their cliques inattentive to the going ons of strangers around them, which suited Alice perfectly. Sure, she'd been a subject of interest when she'd first arrived. People had assumed her to be younger than she was, but once she'd proved her age, she was left well enough alone.

She made some of her income working as a tailor, taking in prom dresses, repairing coats, simple work that didn't bring in much revenue. So, she took to pickpocketing, a skill she'd mastered her first year on her own. She'd never been allowed to work a job when she lived with her father; despite the year she left being 2015, he still believed women didn't belong in the workplace. Thus, pickpocketing had been her only means of paying for things as she made the journey northeast. Alice had an inexplicable way of just... knowing things, an ability that had been a large part of her issues back in Mississippi. She always seemed to know what the weather would be ahead of time, where lost items were hidden, little things like that. Unfortunately, it had often gotten her called a freak or accused of being a thief more times than not.

With pickpocketing, though, her gift came in handy; she could discern who the best targets were, what their next moves would be, or how they would react. So why, she wondered, had her intuition failed her that day? Why of all the people in the cafe, she'd chosen to steal his wallet that day.

She'd entered a small coffee shop where she saw him standing near the counter, seemingly not paying attention to anything aside from his phone. She figured she'd be able to quickly pluck the wallet out of his back pocket as she walked by, pretending to be headed for the bathroom. Maybe it had been the hunger that drove her to make that choice, that perhaps she'd gotten too comfortable. Whatever the cause, she hadn't relied on her ability, and he hadn't been as distracted as Alice assumed. He'd quickly grabbed her wrist as soon as she reached for his pocket, his hand freezing cold and firm. The man turned on her quickly with a glare. His gaze softened remarkably as he laid eyes on her.

Pity, she'd assumed, her eyes were sunken, he naturally small frame frail from hunger. Normally people's pitty infuriated her, but something about his unusual golden eyes was captivating. She felt peculiarly serene in his presence. "Can I buy you, lunch ma'am?"

Part of her wanted to turn him down, to submit to her ego. She'd gotten this far in life without any help. Why should she accept assistance from a stranger no matter how charming he may be. Yet, she found herself nodding in acceptance as he guided her to the counter, proceeding to order her a sandwich and juice.

"My name is Jasper," He announced, watching her hurridly scarf down the food.

"Alice," She replied. "Aren't you going to eat?"

"I'm full." He leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms across his chest.

"You're lying." Her guard going up instantly. She didn't trust easily; if this man was lying about being full, what else would he lie about? Still, against every self-protective instinct she relied on to get by, she trusted him.

"Am I?" He smirked at her.

"It's all in the body language. You moved into a defensive position when I asked if you were going to eat. So why lie..." That was when she got that feeling; she just knew, "Oh, you're a vampire. That's lit. Is this like a last meal before you eat me kinda date?"

Jasper looked flabbergasted, "I'm not a vampire!" He whisper-shouted with wide eyes.

"Okay, well, first of all, that was a panicked response, so even if I didn't already know you're a vampire, I sure do now. I'm never wrong, Jasper. So, are you going to eat me... no. No, you're not. Thanks, by the way. I didn't exactly feel like dying today."

"You're a little intuitive, aren't you."

"I just know things."

They stayed for hours in that coffee shop talking. Jasper had walked her home that night, only leaving when she promised he could speak to her again. He wanted to take her on a proper date next time. Alice went to bed, wondering if Jasper had felt the same connection to her that she felt to him. She questioned if he felt just as comfortable as talking to her; if he felt like he'd known her his entire life. It was insane; Alice had spent the past five years since she'd left home perfectly content to be by herself. People made things complicated; people betrayed and hurt you. Nevertheless, Jasper wasn't people; he wasn't even human. So maybe that's why she suddenly felt so very lonely in her studio apartment.

She saw him again the next day; when she left for a walk, he was lingering outside her building. "What are you doing here?" She had asked with a slight blush, silently pleased to find him waiting.

"I wanted to see you again."

Alice's heart raced when he held out a hand; she intertwined her fingers with his noting how it felt... right. Like her hand was made to hold his. Jasper would keep up this routine daily, arriving at the same time every morning just as Alice was leaving her apartment. Their relationship moved quickly from curious strangers to tentative lovers. Within a week, she had felt comfortable enough to invite him up to stay the night.

Late at night, they would lie together, sometimes reclined on her couch, others sprawled out on the bed. The pair had become closed off to the world, living in their own private kingdom they'd created within her apartment. She'd broken all of her rules in allowing him to become so ingrained in her life. She liked to keep people at a distance, never getting too close. Yet here she lay, curled up on her bed with this man. She'd shared all of her secrets with him, told him at just sixteen she'd run away from an awful family environment. She'd explained how she had lived on her own for the past five years, scraping to get by relying on lies and pickpocketing to survive. She told him how she had changed her name, and even hearing the word 'Mary' would send her into a panic, how despite no signs of anyone attempting to search for her, she lived in fear of her former family tracking her down.

His heart had broken for the woman he loved hearing how she had gotten to where she was. He swore to her she would never have to live through anything like that again. In turn, he detailed his own experiences, telling her about Maria's army, his best friend Peter, and his powers of emotion. He told her about the day he'd met a man named Emmett who'd convinced him there was another way to live, how he was able to feed off animals.

Alice asked him once if he'd used his power to make her fall in love with him because she "Sure felt like she was under a spell." He denied any wrongdoing, explaining that he'd cared for her from the moment he'd laid eyes on her. The only time he ever had or ever would use his power would be to calm her from the panic he often sensed.

It was on one of those nights Alice received the call. They were lying on her bed, chatting about favorite books enjoying each other's company when Alice's phone began to ring. "That's strange..." She commented. People only called her to make tailoring appointments; it was far too late for that. The only exception was Jasper, who was lying beside her.

"Answer it," Jasper sat up on the bed, leaning back on one hand for support, gently massaging Alice's shoulder with the other. "I'm sure it's nothing." He grinned, planting a kiss on her temple. "Probably just a wrong number."

"Yeah, you're probably right." She was being paranoid. No one had found her yet, she thought, sliding the indicator on the screen to the left accepting the call. "Hello?"

"Mary." A hauntingly familiar voice greeted her in a malicious tone.

Alice froze in horror, sending Jasper into immediate alert, having sensed the overwhelming emotion suddenly radiating from her. "Are you still there, Mary," The voice taunted.

Alice, still in shock, unable to respond, remained silent as she shook. Jasper wrapped a comforting arm around her, trying to send out waves of calm despite his fury. He didn't know who was on the other end of the phone, but he immediately hated them for causing his Alice to feel so much hurt, panic, and terror. He grabbed the phone from Alice's hand, pressing it to his ear.

"Who is this." He growled.

"I could ask you the same."

"Answer. The. Question."

"Mary's father. We haven't seen the poor girl in years. She's done a good job of hiding, but it's time for her to get help."

"My girlfriend has no family."

"Poor boy, I don't know what my daughter has told you, but I assure you she's a lunatic. It's for the best she get help. Please tell Mary, my wife and I have arrived in Kennebunkport and..." Jasper ended the call, refusing to listen to anymore. He turned his attention back to Alice, who had curled herself tightly into a ball on the bed where she shook silently sobbing.

"Alice..." He lay down next to the girl, heartbreak evident in this voice. "What did they do to you... come here."

She complied, scooting over into his arms; he held them tightly around her, shhing in her ear, allowing her to release all the emotion she'd repressed for years. "They're going to take me away; they'll lock me up."

"Then we'll leave before they come for you."

"What?"

"Alice, I can have you on the other side of the country within two hours."

"What if they find me again."

"I know some people; you learn a lot about how to disappear when you've been alive almost 160 years."

"Okay," Her voice trembled as she nodded in affirmation. She crawled out of bed and began to pack a bag grabbing only the necessities. She'd long ago placed a terrifying amount of trust in Jasper. If he thought he could keep her safe, she would follow him to the ends of the earth.

[themissingmarvel]

Tell Him (Part 2)

((A/N: Ok so like... as usual Endgame spoilers galore. I can’t make a one shot right now so here’s part two of Tell Him. If you want to catch up, I’ll link you ‘cause why not.

Part 1

Pairing: Steve Rogers x powered!Reader

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 3k ))

“Where’s here?” You piped up, putting away your phone and earbuds into your pocket and getting out of the car. The people around you looked... average. There wasn’t anything special about them or the venue.  The men were silent as they began what felt like a somber walk towards the doors. You were desperately looking around for a sign of what was going on but there was a pit in your stomach that this wasn’t entirely ok. Was it?

Inside was well lit and there were folding chairs in a circle. Sam and Bucky sat down and you were getting a sense of what was happening. Some folks were getting coffee in the back and some were talking as you took a seat beside your metal armed friend.  Leaning in to whisper you frowned, “Buck, you have to tell me what this is,” you quietly demanded.  He glanced at Sam who only nodded before he turned back to you, “I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you wouldn’t come. It’s a support group for those who were dusted. Sam and I come out here so we don’t run into anyone we know. But it’s been good. I think it’ll help you.”   For a moment you were offended. How dare he. How did he know what was best for you? And you were doing just fine, damnit. Just fine.  Standing up abruptly but keeping your voice quiet you glared, “I don’t need to be here. I’m not like these people. I’m over it, ok? I don’t even remember what happened.” Grabbing your arm Bucky yanked you back into the seat, “Bullshit, Y/N! You’re not ok. And you do remember. We all do. You need this. I know you still go through it. You beat a punching bag until you bled and broke a glass because you couldn’t keep it together. There’s no shame in it but you need to stop pretending like everything is fine while you fall apart.” You got quiet as you sat, watching people walk, some talking. You remained quiet as you stayed in your seat.  For Steve.  “Good afternoon, everyone. Thank you for being here today.” A middle aged man spoke, dressed in a business casual attire. He looked important.  Everyone sort of nodded and took their seats, looking around with an eerie quiet you couldn’t place. The man who had spoken looked at you and smiled. It wasn’t an average smile, though. It looked almost... solemn.  He clasped his hands together and leaned forward a bit, “Looks like we have a new face. Would you like to introduce yourself?” He was kind. He meant well.  Rubbing your arm nervously you looked at the floor and stayed quiet a moment before looking back up, “I’m Y/N. I was... dusted, I guess. I’m not sure why I’m here.” Everyone murmured a welcome and the man who had spoken nodded, “Thank you for coming. I know it’s not easy to open up about this. I suppose none of us know why we’re here. Part of why we come.” You were a bit shocked at his response, looking around at the people in the circle who nodded and murmured just as they had when you introduced yourself.  “How have you been since coming back?” He asked sincerely. He wanted to know. They all did. You could feel Bucky’s warm hand on your back as a reassurance. You knew you needed to talk. You didn’t want to but you had to. You wanted to tell Steve but you weren’t ready. He wouldn’t get it. How would you begin? “Hurt.” You looked down.  “You’re hurt?” He chimed up.  “Yeah I mean... I was gone for a moment but that moment was five years, you know? The world moved on without me. People moved on without me. People I loved. I missed birthdays and holidays. I missed hugs and connections. I feel that separation every time I see someone who wasn’t dusted and I see that damn guilt and pity on their faces.” It was spilling out now, watching as people nodded their heads in agreement. They understood.  Taking a risk, knowing the two men were with you, you continued, “What pisses me off most is I dusted in the... forest (Wakanda) with my friends (the Avengers) near me. There’s this guy though. Always had a thing for him. Even as I was slipping away I wished I’d told him I loved him. Now that I’m back I still can’t. He’s not with anyone or anything like that,” you waved your hand, “but I just feel like so much has changed. It’s not like it was before. I want to tell him but I can’t and it pisses me off.” You’d been clenching your fists, letting go once you realized what you were doing.  A female voice chimed up and you looked over. A woman in her mid thirties was looking sad as she spoke, “When I came back, my daughter didn’t know who I was. My husband had remarried and this little seven-year-old I had called my own didn’t know who I was. My husband had moved on but it had been seconds. The world moved on and left us behind to pick up the pieces.” She looked you in the eyes and suddenly you felt seen. 

From there stories came forward. There was a teen who had watched his friends age and knew that once they decided to finally go to college, he’d be five years behind them. He’d lose them. There was a man who had lost his daughter as she’d developed cancer, but the doctor’s and researchers had dusted and she’d been left without proper care. Thanos thought he had the answers but halving everything meant literally everything. The best and the brightest went out at the same rate as the average folks. People that were needed vanished without a trace.

When the meeting ended people stood and milled, but the woman who had spoken after you approached, kind features and an aged sweater around her shoulders, “You should tell him, you know. What if he feels the same way?”

It was a surprising comment from a total stranger, and you were shocked, “I- I mean I guess. It’s complicated.” You frowned.

She smirked, “It’s always complicated. There’s never a good time. But you’re getting a second chance at living a life. Don’t waste it.” Briefly she patted your arm before turning and walking away leaving you to watch as she left.

Turning back to Bucky and Sam you nodded, “Let’s go home.”

The three of you chatted in the car, more casually, and you had left out your earbuds. You were in the back with Sam driving and Bucky sitting shotgun. The group had been admittedly good and it had felt oddly relieving to sit with a room full of people all remembering their final moments that had been years for some and yet moments for them. It hadn’t occurred to you that people had simply vanished in their sleep or what others would miss in their time gone. You all had lost something, even those left behind.

Walking back into the Tower, deciding on staying in the city while Strange and Stark did a Wakandan tour, the three of you were greeted by an overly excited Peter Parker, “Hey guys! I didn’t know where anyone was so I just came in, Mr. Stark gave me the password and stuff. Mr. Stark says I can do training here when I’m done with my homework. I hope it’s OK but I made a sandwich. Am I talking too much?” He took a breath and you smirked.

Bucky rolled his eyes and Sam grinned, the two walking away as you ruffled Peter’s hair with a playful smirk, “You always talk too much, Parker. Did you finish your work?” You watched as he fixed his hair and made his way to the table in the living room where an empty plate sat with two closed books. The TV was on and there was some news on mute.

Peter had been this kid you’d taken a liking to when Tony had taken him under his wing. He was like a little brother to you and you couldn’t help but feel a sort of protective stance about him. He seemed to like you as well, however, but you were his second when “Mr. Stark” wasn’t around, “Yeah like… an hour ago. But I don’t know where the gym is and I don’t wanna get lost. Hey! Wanna go a few rounds? I won’t use the suit or anything we can just fight!”

It felt a little heartbreaking, seeing him with a smile, as you remembered. It was years ago but you were the one asking Natasha to spar with you, telling her no powers I promise! Just show me those awesome kicks! Now he was asking you to train and who were you to deny him the chance? He was good. He was small and he was agile as hell. Stark had rightly pointed out that he relied heavily on his webbing and abilities and had reminded him that it wouldn’t always be there. Tony had learned that the hard way.

You listened to Peter go on and on about how school was going and an upcoming trip he had planned. He talked about MJ as usual and you remembered what it was like to have a crush. Now being an adult just meant being in love with a man who probably just pitied you at this point.

“What’s wrong, Y/N? Worried I’m gonna win this time?” Parker bounced ahead of you a bit, walking backwards as you realized suddenly you were frowning.

Forcing a smile you shook your head, “You’re 0 for 10 at this point, kid. And I’m fine. You won’t be when we’re done, though,” Peter watched as you grabbed at him, snatching the poor child’s wrist, yanking him forward, and essentially clotheslining him to the floor with a knee to the chest.

He looked shook as all hell, staring up at you, “Lesson one, I know I know. Never let your guard down.” Peter adjusted himself as you let him up, helping him to his feet. It was a nice distraction to be able to help Peter and know you’d do some training. He had some gear here, now that Tony was taking a closer liking to the kid. He’d always liked him, you knew, but he had a second chance now. Wasn’t that what the woman had said to you…?

Walking into the gym you had changed before Peter, aware the poor kid was probably maneuvering in whatever getup Stark had put out for him. You were wearing sports leggings, dark grey, and a form fitting sport tank top. Your feet hit the floor, surprised a bit to see Steve then going to town on one of the reinforced punching bags Tony had set up for him. He was covered in sweat and you could tell he’d been here for a little while. He didn’t seem to train the way the rest of the team did, but he was always down for a group fight.

“What’d that punching bag ever do to you, old man?” You walked over to Steve, feeling your heart racing in your chest but pushing forward.

He stopped, panting a bit and smiling as he saw you, “Sure didn’t call me old man, for starters,” his smile turned into a grin.

You blushed and shook your head, “You should practice with Parker when he gets in. One New Yorker to another, you know?”

Steve stepped away and smiled at you, “I’d rather go at it with you, to be honest.”

Your face turned scarlet. So did his. His eyes widened and he held his hands up, “Oh! No no, not like that! I mean, not that I wouldn’t- I mean, no, shit!” He was cursing and you were red. You both were.

It was almost comical to watch Peter walk over with his own gym clothes on looking at both of you as though he’d just missed the punchline, “Woah, Cap! Mr. Stark said you don’t like that language!”

Rubbing the back of his head nervously Steve looked away, “I uh, I should go. Raincheck on the sparring,” he turned quickly and made his way out of the gym leaving you and Peter standing.

“Hey, why’s your face all red?” Peter looked at you curiously.

You took a breath and rolled your head back to look at the ceiling, “I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

“I was in love with a woman, back before everyone vanished. She had this smile, you know? A smile that could light up a room. And she was gorgeous, funny, sweet, brave… she was everything. But I never told her how I felt. I always thought I’d have time. We all thought we had time.” Steve had opened up to his support group years ago, back when it was in its infancy. He had opened up about you to people who had no idea who you were. Maybe he could have told Bucky, or even Sam, but his two closest friends were gone and Natasha had more pressing business now.

As Steve made himself dinner, hours after his awkward encounter, he remembered one of the galas that Tony had thrown before Thanos was even in the picture. He’d been dragged to it by Wanda who insisted he’d enjoy himself. Truthfully his driving force was knowing that you’d be there. A friend, a good friend, you’d been a support to the man who often felt out of time and out of place. He was glad that Tony had recruited you after seeing you help in the Battle of New York. Well. Recruited you after you’d run to him for safety from Hydra.

He remembered watching as you walked through the door, dress hanging off your body as though it was created just for you, hair done up, makeup not too much but enough to accentuate your already perfect features. He remembered staring as you smiled over at him and he remembered falling, tumbling, stumbling his way into love with you. All it had taken was a gentle wave and a casual stroll and he knew that he was done for.

The timing had never been right, though. Always some battle, some fight. Always something to stop him from taking your hand. And here he was, five years after he lost you, and he was struggling to find the words. Your pain was palpable, and he wanted to take it from you, remove it from your system and chuck it out the window. Holding you as you cried was the best he could do, but if it helped, he swore to himself he’d do it every damn night if he had to. It had been clear, then, why he had to stay with you. When you’d vanished with Sam and Bucky he’d wanted to ask where but knew enough to respect your privacy and theirs. Besides, you’d come back looking almost relieved. Wherever you went it had clearly helped you.

Looking up, Steve was snapped from his thoughts as he watched you wander in, clothes changed and looking perfect as always. He was biased.

“Hey, Y/N, sorry about before I uh… I don’t know what happened,” he looked down at the antipasto salad he was making.

You smiled, saddling up beside him as you watched him make dinner, “No worries, Steve. It happens.” You shrugged and took a piece of his salami without asking, knowing that you at least had the rapport to do something like that.

Steve liked seeing you this way, more at ease, and it was different than you’d been before, “How’d training with Peter go?” He turned his head and began adding more food, making more for you without even being asked.

You shrugged and turned so you were facing him now, leaning against the counter, “Fine. Kid has talent. I worry about him out there on his own and stuff, but he seems OK. Tony told me his suits are pretty durable and meant to protect him. I still think a lesson with Captain America would help, though,” you grinned and went to take another piece of food.

Steve poked your hand with the fork and you withdrew feigning hurt, “I think he’s got a pretty good teacher already.”

He smiled at you, sincerely this time, and you smiled back.

Tell him! He’s right there!

“Steve, I wanted to talk to you about something, actually. Do you think-“

It was then a ringing noise went off, coming from your pocket, wincing as it did. It was Stark’s ring, of course, and there was a look of disappointment on Steve’s face as you stepped back from the counter. Pulling out the phone you placed it on the counter, watching as Tony’s head ‘appeared’. He had his sunglasses on, of course, and a look of smugness you found oddly endearing, “Is Rogers… making food?” He squinted.

You rolled your eyes, stepping in the way of poor Steve who sighed heavily and shook his head, “What is it Tony? Calling to make sure your place isn’t burned to the ground? I promise we’re keeping New York safe.”

Steve listened to you and Tony banter, Strange’s voice occasionally rising in the background. He made his food quietly and made a plate for you which he left on the counter, knowing you’d turn to see it. Silently he made his way out of the kitchen, wondering what it was you’d wanted to talk about. He had hoped for what it could be and wondered if maybe you had felt the same. He wished he could scoop you into his arms and as he walked into the living room, resigned to eat alone, he could only think, next time… tell her next time.

( @skymoonandstardust @spookydefendordreamer @little-red-83)

[irondadgroupie]

Because we need more Endgame depression

A/N: In this fic, Tony does not die and has a talk with Peter about how the boy is adjusting.

World is in celebration. Balloons fly in the air, street vendors block every single corner and live music is played everywhere you turned your head.

Tony has brought a stroller for Morgan in case her little feet got tired. She rarely visited New York City, too many bad memories for her parents.

Now, Tony could appreciate every block, every shop with newfound gratitude.

“Daddy, look,” Morgan points at a cotton candy stand. “Can I have one?”

“Wait just a minute, honey,” Pepper takes out her phone and looks at the time. “Aren’t they supposed to be here already?”

Tony frowns. “May agreed to meet at one. Maybe they got held up by the traffic?”

“She said they would be taking a subway.”

“Is it wise,” Tony worries immediately. “It’s a filthy hole filled with bacteria. Peter’s system has not had time to develop antibodies and it might make him sick-”

“Then we deal with it. Tony, he is already seeing a doctor and getting all the necessary shots.”

Tony looked around, dying to see a familiar head full of brown curls.

May walks up to them five minutes later.

“Hey,” She gives Pepper a hug in greeting and kisses Morgan’s cheek. “Sorry it took us so long. Peter was being a handful.”

Tony dreaded what those words meant: being a handful would describe a toddler who did not want to put on clothes but not a teenager.

“Where is Peter anyway?”

He looks around and can’t spot the short boy.

May looks around too and sighs.

“Well, he got off the subway with me so-”

“I’m here,” A grumpy, tired voice says behind Tony. The man turns around and his heart clenches at Peter’s dull eyes and the way he has his arms crossed across his chest. “No need to shout.”

“Sorry,” Tony ruffles his hair and the boy luckily enough lets him. “We were about to get cotton candy. You want one?”

Peter shakes his head.

“C’mon, you love it.”

“I loved it five years ago.”

Tony bit his lip and sneaked an arm around the boy’s shoulders. “How about we share one? If you don’t like it, give it to me.”

Cotton candy is pink, airy, nothing like how pale Peter looks now. There are two bright spots on the boy’s cheekbones and he eats slowly, carefully, like dreading every burst of flavor.

Finally Tony can’t take it and sets a hand on the boy’s brow. Peter doesn’t pull away like he used to.

“Are you sure you are okay?”

Peter pushes the stick of cotton candy towards his mentor. “I never said I was okay”

Tony glances up and sees Morgan, Pepper and May looking at what the vendors had to offer.

He remembered taking Peter here once before and how he had seriously considered investing in a leash: the boy had run from place to place with no regards for his safety.

“Kiddo,” Tony rubs his shoulder and Peter’s lips start to wobble. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”

First tear falls but Peter does not sink into his mentor’s embrace.

“It’s been five years. Everything is different.”

“How do you mean that?”

Peter snorts venomously. “People, places, shops have closed, I- May doesn’t live in our apartment, I don’t have a room anymore-”

Tony knows about it. He was there four years ago when May decided to move, he had taken many of Peter’s things for safekeeping. Maybe they had been holding hope that the Snap could be reversed.

“My grandmother is dead,” Peter sniffles. “My uncle lost his wife and remarried and now the wife is back and- it’s a mess.”

Tony knows about the complications, but nothing is close to him.

“You-” Peter starts but stops.

“No,” Tony rubs the boy’s back. “Peter, you can say it. If it makes you feel any better, just let it out.”

“It won’t help me,” Peter whispers, his voice dark and tired. “You are different. You guys lost and- you still got married and had a kid. I- it doesn’t add up. I want you to be happy but it-”

Peter groans and grasps at his hair.

Tony grabs his neck and shakes him a bit. “Peter, whatever you need to say, say it. I won’t hold you accountable.”

“You’ll hate me.”

“Peter, you- I forgive anything you say.”

Peter lifts his head but doesn’t look at his mentor.

“I guess I- I thought I mean something. That losing me would- you know- affect the team. But you guys went on with your lives. You had the wedding like planned and Morgan is- she- I guess she was conceived quite soon after the Snap. I’m glad you are happy, but-” Peter shrugs. “I wasn’t there and- I- I feel so-”

“Disconnected,” Tony offers. “I felt the same after I was kidnapped.”

“But you were still living through it,” Peter spits out. “I am literally out of time. I closed my eyes and suddenly it’s not 2018 anymore! You can’t compare our experiences!”

The boy wipes at his cheeks that are wet with tears. Tony offers to help him but Peter scrambles away.

“Peter, you- what you feel is normal. I have heard it is the same with everyone-”

“That’s the point! You heard! You did not go through it! Five years! Do you even realize how long it is?”

Tony is silent for a moment.

“I felt every one of those days, Peter,” His voice is heavy, maybe even accusing. He understands Peters is an emotional mess but he couldn’t take the boy making mockery of his suffering. “I counted everyday until you came back. I lived with the failure. I knew we were to blame but I had to survive- for my family.”

“Morgan and Pepper,” Peter nods. “I’m glad you have them.”

“They saved me.”

“I couldn’t do it,” Peter whispers. “I- it’s crazy but I always thought I meant something to you-”

“But you do!”

“Not anymore! You have your own kid-”

“Peter, blood does not make family,” Tony grasped the boy’s arms and held him in place. He lifted Peter off the bench slightly, he even got a few concerned glances from passer-bys. “Do you have any idea what it was to come back from Titan? I lived through your dead every single night. Everything reminded me of you, everything here! That is why I had to move out of New York- I couldn’t even stay at home without some memory popping up behind a corner.”

Peter is silent for a moment.

“When I saw you in the battlefield, I was so relieved. And I loved the hug you gave me but-” The boy wrestles out of his hold and stands up. “You are different. We are from two different realities. You are not Mr Stark anymore- and I want him back. I have nothing to fall back on. I’m merely drifting here.”

Peter starts to walk away but turns around.

“It took you five years. That was too long. Maybe you should have thought about us before yourselves. Frankly, I think it would have been more humane to leave us be. Because now,” Peter shrugs with a grim smile. “It’s all fucked up.”

[angelofberlin2000]

by Natalie Finn | Fri., May. 17, 2019 3:00 AM

When Keanu Reeves was asked the other night, "What do you think happens when we die?" interviewer Stephen Colbert probably wasn't expecting such a deep—or assured—answer from the movie star.

"I know that the ones that love us will miss us," the 54-year-old actor said sagely, rendering the Late Show host unusually speechless.

It was a sincere, thoughtful response—vintage Reeves, really—from someone who's had reason to think about such things.

"I haven't really thought about my career future, or what was going to happen, until really recently," he also told GQ in February. Asked why he started thinking about it, he replied, "Death!"

Watch https://www.eonline.com/videos/289305/how-keanu-reeves-training-for-john-wick-3-compares-to-the-matrix

How Keanu Reeves' Training for John Wick 3 Compares to The Matrix

The still eerily youthful-looking Reeves, who's back in theaters Friday in the third installment of the blockbuster John Wick franchise, has become a brand unto himself, the name "Keanu" signifying not just movie stardom but also a certain kind of performance and even a state of mind: chill, zen, blissfully checked out ("Sad Keanu" meme notwithstanding). His name—which has lent itself to a comedy about a cat and a recent hit song by Logic, and which of course a studio exec wanted him to change when he first came to Hollywood—does mean "cool breeze over the mountains" in Hawaiian, after all.

But still waters run deep, and despite being in the public eye for more than 30 years, he's one of the least-known people whose chiseled face you would recognize anywhere. Few play it as close to the vest as Reeves, who, though he does the occasional interview and shows up to fulfill his side of the bargain in promoting his films, does not talk about his personal life. And not in the way that most celebrities don't really talk about their personal lives.

As in, it's entirely unclear if he even has one, although—look at him—he must.

"I came to Hollywood to be in movies," Reeves told Parade recently. "I feel really grateful that I've had that opportunity, but I'm just a private person, and it's nice that can still exist."

He doesn't even publicize his charity work, but his causes include children's hospitals, fighting cancer, the arts and the environment. 

"I always find it surreal that complete strangers come up and ask me personal questions," he told Parade back in 2008. "I don't mind speaking about work, but when the talk turns to 'Who are you?' and 'What do you do off-screen?' I'm like, 'Get out of here.' I've been in situations where people have felt they had a relationship with me or something and I didn't even know who they were."

Not that Reeves is an anti-star. He lives in the hills above West Hollywood, spent plenty of time enjoying the local nightlife in his youth and has starred in countless quotable action movies—and gets paid handsomely for them, enough so that he can take off and do passion projects like his first (and only, to date) directorial effort, 2013's The Man of Tai Chi, or show up unheralded on a Swedish sitcom (Swedish Dicks, now on Pop) or in any indie film he so desires, like the recent Destination Wedding, an acerbic comedy that reteamed him with Bram Stoker's Dracula co-star Winona Ryder.

He's perfectly congenial yet usually looks somewhat serious, but not because he's taking himself seriously—more as if he wants to answer even the most lighthearted of questions with respectful gravity. But hey, as Stephen Colbert just found out, if you ask Reeves a potentially loaded question, prepare to get an answer.

Asked by Parade in 2008 if he believed in aliens, because he was playing the alien Klaatu in a remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still, he replied, "Some days I do. Some days I don't. There's so much unexplained and unexplainable phenomena that's presented to us. But beyond that, the cosmos is so vast. We can't be the only sentient entity. It might not look like us, but it's going to be out there."

His signature Keanu cadence used to be mistaken for a sign of vacuity, but Reeves attributed however he came off in interviews to his overall discomfort with talking about himself.

"I've never played stupid to keep someone distant," he told Vanity Fair in 1995. "I don't play stupid. Either it's been a failure on my part to articulate, or my naivete, or ingenuousness, or sometimes it's the nature of the form... And you know, I find myself more able to give an explanation of a project five years later than in the middle of it. It's so present-tense! I can tell you how I feel, but its context is harder to explain... Sometimes when I'm interviewed I'm not ready to do that. So you say...'excellent!' And you know what, man? It's OK."

It certainly was.

Ted Theodore Logan, Johnny Utah, Jack Travern, Neo, John Wick: all characters that had to be played by Reeves. He's done everything from Shakespeare to sports flicks to A Scanner Darkly, and soon you'll be hearing his voice as Duke Caboom, a motorcycle-riding stuntman with a wistful backstory, in Toy Story 4, which will probably sneak in to top The Matrix Reloaded, which made $742 million worldwide, as his single highest-grossing movie.

"So I made Duke a little more gravelly but still tried to give him energy and a big personality," Reeves shared with Entertainment Weekly in March. "I just thought that Duke should love what he does. He's the greatest stuntman in Canada! I wanted him to be constantly doing poses on the bike while he was talking, to have this great extroverted passion."

He turned down Speed 2 to play Hamlet onstage in Canada. He was one of the first big stars who memorably jammed on the side with his own band, Dogstar, in the '90s and now he co-owns a custom bike shop called ARCH Motorcycle in Hawthorne, Calif, because he loves motorcycles as much as you think he does.

"Riding can be a place to think and feel. It's a way to work things out," he recently told Parade, noting that inclement weather doesn't stop him. "I like riding in the rain. It's a little more sketchy." He rides mainly alone, but he and the ARCH crew cruise Pacific Coast Highway on Sunday mornings.

And if motorcycles provide one soul-soothing salve for Reeves, acting provides another.

"In acting, you're constantly discovering new feelings and thoughts and exposing yourself to them," he told Parade in 2008. "I guess it could be considered psycho-therapy. All I know is that, as an actor, I can tell you a story that you'll listen to. Maybe it won't just entertain you, it might also teach you something. I think film has the power to change your life if you want to let it.

Combine his real-life inscrutability with his is-it-genius-or-does-he-just-do-the-same-thing-every-time approach to acting, and he's become more myth than man—and that, too, is a huge part of his appeal. He's just so Keanu.

"I don't own a computer and I don't e-mail," he said in the 2008 

Parade

interview. "I'm fascinated by people who freak out when they don't get an instant response to an e-mail. It's like they expect as soon as they send an email to get the answer back and if they don't it's like awful. I just hope people won't totally lose the ability to write letters because it's a good way to communicate."

He preferred typewriters, Reeves said—and we can only hope he and Toy Story star Tom Hanks had a chance to talk about typewriters together.

"I only have good things to say about him," Swedish Dicks star Peter Stormare, who met Reeves doing Constantine in 2005, which led to the actor's role on his show, told GQ. "Once a year, we'll have a beer together and talk about life and things. He's very private. He leads his life the way he wants to lead it. And I guess it can be lonely sometimes. But I think he's just like me. There's a comfort in being alone sometimes, especially when you're working on something."

"We bonded over motorcycles, bass guitar, and Harold Pinter," Alex Winter, the Bill to his Ted, also told the magazine. "Reeves had a really good book collection."

Reeves was born in Beirut, to a Hawaiian father and English mother, but they divorced when he was about 2. Mom Patricia remarried in the US., but after that didn't work out she settled with a 7-year-old Keanu and his younger sister, Kim, who was born in Australia, in Toronto. Reeves reportedly hasn't spoken to his dad since he was 13. 

"We were latchkey kids," he told Esquire in 2017. "It was basically 'leave the house in the morning and come back at night'. It was cool." But, he told Parade, "Even for a runaway English girl, my mother gave us a proper upbringing. We learned manners, respect for our elders, formal table settings. I also learned a nonprejudicial, nonjudgmental acceptance of other people."

His favorite part of school was doing plays and studying Shakespeare in English class, so he dropped out at 17 to try his hand at acting.

"My attendance record was very bad. I was lazy," Reeves told Vanity Fair. "I knew I wanted to act when I was halfway through grade 11, I guess, and school wasn't important."

His first acting job came on the Canadian series Hangin' In in 1984. Then he moved to Los Angeles and made his big-screen debut in the Rob Lowe-starring drama Youngblood in 1986. Later that year he won his first major role in the gritty teen crime drama River's Edge, which went on to win Best Feature at the Independent Spirit Awards.

So it was off to the races for Reeves, who in the next five years made a wildly diverse array of movies, including the very-'80s comedy The Night Before, Dangerous Liaisons, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (and its sequel, Bogus Journey), Parenthood, Point Break and My Own Private Idaho.

He was very much living the fast Hollywood life, and it wasn't all charmed.

In 1993, River Phoenix died of an accidental drug overdose—another painful thing Reeves didn't want to talk about, but he spoke fondly of his friend and My Own Private Idaho co-star.

"I enjoyed his company. Very much," Reeves told Rolling Stone in 2000. "And enjoyed his mind and his spirit and his soul. We brought good out in each other. He was a real original thinker. He was not the status quo. In anything."

As for Phoenix's death, "It's something he thinks about all the time, something he never really talks about," a friend told People. "Friends know not to go there with him."

In 1994 his estranged father, Samuel, was sentenced to 10 years in prison for drug possession in Hawaii, but was released in two. "Jesus, man. No, the story with me and my dad's pretty heavy. It's full of pain and woe and fucking loss and all that s--t," he told RS around that time. In 1995, he told Vanity Fair, when asked why he didn't want to know more about his dad's case, "Why would I want to find out what I didn't know?" He called the situation "pretty incredible," and that was that.

Reeves has a massive scar on his abdomen from when he suffered a rupture spleen in a motorcycle crash while riding in L.A.'s Topanga Canyon in 1988. He went into a hairpin turn going about 50 mph.

"I call that a demon ride," he reflected to Rolling Stone. "That's when things are going badly. But there's other times when you go fast, or too fast, out of exhilaration...I remember saying in my head, 'I'm going to die.'"

"I remember calling out for help," he continued. "And someone answering out of the darkness, and then the flashing lights of an ambulance coming down. This was after a truck ran over my helmet. I took it off because I couldn't breathe, and a truck came down. I got out of the way, and it ran over my helmet."

Also while his star was on the rise, his sister Kim battled cancer for years starting in the late '80s. "He helped me through," she told Vanity Fair about her brother. "When the pain got bad, he used to hold my hand and keep the bad man from making me dance. He was there all the time, even when he was away."

Actor and Dogstar bandmate Roger Mailhouse told Rolling Stone about Reeves in 2000, "He's a really giving person. He'd give you his last shoe. Really smart, too. He's incredibly booksmart. He's a really interesting person who doesn't talk a lot of s--t."

Asked how his friend had changed over the past decade, i.e. the '90s, Mailhouse said, "I don't worry about him as much. I used to worry about him. Because I think of him as one of my best friends in the world, was he going to crash his motorcycle, or this or that. We did some wild things. I guess it's just growing up. I don't know—maybe it had something to do with River Phoenix, maybe. Losing someone close to him. But now I'm just proud of him. He's getting to do it the right way."

For years you'd be much more likely to see Kim or Patricia on Reeves' arm at a premiere or other big event—such as when he got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 2005—than any girlfriend, and the actor hasn't been publicly involved with anyone for years.

Not that he hasn't been linked to a bevy of his co-stars, including Sandra Bullock and Charlize Theron, but if he's in a serious relationship, it's not with a celebrity.

On The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon in 2013 he was wearing what anyone would take for a wedding band on his left ring finger, but no revelations ever sprang from that accessory choice.

When Parade asked recently if he remained a bachelor, Reeves replied (squirming a bit, according to the magazine), "Well, I'm not married."

Through the interviews he's given over the years, a theme running through them is the visible discomfort he starts to evince when the conversation veers toward the too-personal. And some topics are just off-limits altogether.

Reeves started dating actress Jennifer Syme after meeting her at a party in 1998 and they were expecting a baby together—but the child, a girl they named Ava, was stillborn at 8 months. They laid her to rest in January 2000, according to People, and broke up weeks later.

Read

Sandra Bullock Almost Starred in The Matrix Instead of Keanu Reeves

They remained close up until Syme, who suffered from severe postpartum depression, died in 2001 when she crashed her Jeep Cherokee into several parked cars on a L.A. street and was thrown from the vehicle. In 2002, her mother, Maria St. John, sued Marilyn Manson, who had thrown a party that Syme attended that night, for wrongful death, alleging he had given Syme  the cocaine that an autopsy found in her system. 

"After Jennifer was sent home safely with a designated driver, she later got behind the wheel of her own car for reasons known only to her," Manson, who knew Syme through filmmaker David Lynch and had worked with her on Lost Highway, said in a statement.

The rocker continued, "This lawsuit, which is completely without merit, will not bring back Jennifer's life. It serves only to reopen the wounds and the pain felt by all who loved Jennifer. It is a pity that St. John sullies her own daughter's reputation by filing this baseless claim."

They reportedly reached a settlement out of court, but Manson maintained he had nothing to do with Syme taking drugs that night. 

Reeves has never spoken publicly about his relationship with Syme, which certainly fits right into how he was before, let alone since. But he grieved. And he eventually had something to say about that.

"I think, after loss, life requires an act of reclaiming," he told Parade in 2006. "You have to reject being overwhelmed. Life has to go on."

The actor continued, "Grief changes shape, but it never ends. People have a misconception that you can deal with it and say, 'It's gone, and I'm better.' They're wrong. When the people you love are gone, you're alone. I miss being a part of their lives and them being part of mine. I wonder what the present would be like if they were here—what we might have done together. I miss all the great things that will never be."

So he knew exactly what he was talking about when he told Colbert, "I know that the ones that love us will miss us."

Calling it "unfair" and "absurd," Reeves told

Parade

, "All you can do is hope that grief will be transformed and, instead of feeling pain and confusion, you will be together again in memory, that there will be solace and pleasure there, not just loss."

"Much of my appreciation of life has come through loss," he concluded. "Life is precious. It's worthwhile."

He said at the time that he would like to have a family, and reiterated the sentiment a couple years later, but Reeves told Esquire in 2017 with regards to "settling down": "I'm too… it's too late. It's over." Asked to clarify, he added, "I'm 52. I'm not going to have any kids."

Famous last words from a litany of 50-something men, and he was reminded of that. Reeves just said, "That's a whole other… But no. I'm glad to still be here."

"I'm every cliché," he continued. "F--king mortality. Ageing. I'm just starting to get better at it. Just the amount of stuff you have to do before you're dead. I'm all of the clichés, and it's embarrassing. It's all of them. It's just, 'Oh my God. OK. Where did the time go? How come things are changing? How much time do I have left? What didn't I do?' I'm trying to think of the line from the sonnet… 'And heavily from woe to woe tell o'er / The sad account of fore-bemoaned moan / Which I new pay as if not paid before.'"

"So, yeah," he added, reportedly with a smile. "I'm that guy."

In turn, Reeves can't help but come off as the solitary figure he so often plays in his films, from Constantine to The Matrix to John Wick. Heck, even Duke Caboom sounds a little melancholy.

At the same time, you're just as likely to see him in a romantic tear-jerker or a quirky comedy as a shoot-em-up. He's played heroes and hustlers, sweethearts and cruel villains, teachers and  slackers, doctors and lawyers.

"For me, it's just continuing to be able to work with great artists and tell stories that people enjoy," Reeves told Parade. "I was always hoping, even when I was young, that I could do different things," he says. "I'm really grateful for that. I'm

Though he had no idea John Wick would be such a hit, Reeves was in top form in the 2014 action extravaganza as a retired hit man who goes on a revenge spree after gangsters kill the beloved dog that was a gift from his late wife.

It made almost $89 million on a reported $20 million budget. Sequel time!

"You hope and you dream but the reality is even sweeter," he told E! News in 2017 about the first film's surprise success when he was promoting John Wick: Chapter 2. "It's great to be involved in a project that has so much affection."

Chapter 2 made $172 million worldwide.

Now back for John Wick: Chapter 3—Parabellum, Reeves has revealed that he started training heavily about three months before filming began to get back into dynamo shape, and he still goes whole-hog (or horse, in this movie's case) in the action sequences, right up until a car runs into him.

"I'll do some fight scenes and then John Wick will get hit by a car," Reeves explained to Colbert on The Late Show, "and that's Jackson Spidell, who's an amazing stuntman." Spidell has been Reeves' stunt double in all the John Wick movies. "He gets hit by the car, then I'll get up from the car, then I'll do a whole bunch more of, like, gun-fu and whatever, jujitsu, judo—and then, if I get thrown off something, Jackson does his thing."

Even more exciting for some fans, however, depending on whether you like your Keanu dark or more dude-like, is the news that he and Alex Winter are finally set to start shooting Bill & Ted Face the Music, the much-discussed follow-up to 1989's Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure and sequel Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, which came out in 1991. The years-in-the-making comedy is tentatively due out in 2020.

And so on his latest press tour, Keanu Reeves left his usual trail of breadcrumbs. They may not lead you straight to his door, but they'll definitely keep you on the path.

[spider-boi]

So This Is Love [1]

Cinderella!AU

Summary: Y/N is heavily mistreated in her household. Prince Peter has to find a bride to become the queen of the kingdom.

AN: So this came to me while I was watching the cinematic masterpiece that is Cinderella (2015) and i literally love it so much so I got inspired to write this and yes this will be a series!!!!!  Yay!!!!!! 

Peter Parker x Reader

“May I have this dance?” His silky sweet voice rung in my ears. He offered his hand to me.

“You may.” I smiled at him. I gently took his larger hand and he immediately gripped it tight. He brought my hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to the back of it. I blushed. He pulled me closer to him and held my waist. We danced to the sweet music around us. He guided me across the dancefloor while my gown swished around me.

The whole time we stared at each other, a certain glint in his eye. I rested my cheek against his shoulder, sighing in content. He placed a kiss to my temple and smiled widely. I could stay in this moment forever.

“Y/N,”

“Hmm?” I lifted my head from his shoulder.

“I love you.” My smile couldn’t get any wider.

“I love you too.”

We leaned in, slowly. I could hear a call of my name in the distance but I was too distracted to notice. Just a few more inches until our lips would touch.

Just.

A little.

Bit.

More.

“Y/N!”

I shot up from my bed, breathing heavily. It was just a dream. Of course it was. My old, dusty room greeted my sleepy eyes.

“Y/N! Come down here this instant!” My stepmother called for me quite angrily.

“Coming, stepmother!” I desperately called back as if that would diffuse her anger. Moving quickly, I changed and fixed my hair back with a ribbon. I threw the door open and flew down the stairs from the attic to the dining room. The door to the hall was right in front of me but I hesitated to open it. I knew what would happen if I went inside but I had to be strong. Deep breaths, Y/N. Deep breaths. With that thought, I pushed the door open.

“Good morning, stepmother.” I placed my hands behind my back. My stepmother stood across me. Arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed. She stared at me for a good minute before she sighed and smiled.

“Good morning, Y/N.” She said. “Did you have a lovely slumber?” Why was she being so nice?

“I-I did, stepmother.” I stuttered. Her gaze made me feel very self-conscious.

“That’s good, that’s good.” Stepmother moved to stand behind the dining table. She placed her hands on top of one of the tall chairs. “I always do love the feeling after a lovely slumber. But do you what’s even better than that, dear Y/N?” She raised her eyebrow at me.

“N-no, stepmother.”

“A filling breakfast is, dear..” I sucked in a sharp breath at the sight of the empty table. Waking up late caused me to fail to make breakfast early. “So, my question is, why is breakfast not ready?”

“I-I just had to clean the garden last night after dinner and did not get to bed til very early in the morning.”

“Excuses, excuses. That’s all I hear from you. After all I’ve done for you, Y/N. This is how you repay me?” Stepmother challenged.

“N-no, of course not, stepmother. I-I apologize.”

“Apology not accepted. Now, go make breakfast before my daughters come down.” She flicked her hand in the direction of the kitchen. I mumbled another apology before shuffling to the kitchen.

“Useless servant. Why do I keep her here anyways?” I heard stepmother’s voice get softer. Tears formed in my eyes but I refused to let them fall. I rushed to make breakfast for my so-called family. After mother died, father remarried a duchess from the next town over. She moved in with us and brought along her two daughters, Alyssa and Diana. And when my father…passed away, Stepmother used all of our money to throw parties in our home. After that, I’d become the family servant. No time to cry over what’s done, Y/N.

“Y/N! I’m hungry!” Alyssa cried.

“Coming Alyssa!” I balanced all the plates in my arms. Being careful, I walked as fast as I could. “Bring me extra pastries!” Diana ordered. I sighed and went back to get Diana a plate of pastries. Plates in hand, I entered the dining room once more. My stepsisters were sat on either side of my stepmother. I placed the plates on the table and began to set the table.

“Finally. I’m starving.” Alyssa complained.

“Sorry Alyssa.”

“Could you move any slower, sister? It’s like watching a snail trying to run away from a toad!”  Diana added.

“Moving as fast as I can, Diana.” I put the pastries in the middle of the table.

“Are you talking back to your sister, Y/N?” Stepmother taunted.

“O-of course not, stepmother.” I wiped my sweaty hands on my apron.

“It sounded like you were. Apologize.” She commanded.

“I-I wasn’t talking back to her-”

“Apologize!” Stepmother screamed. I jumped.

“I’m s-sorry, Diana.”

Diana smirked and continued to slice the pastry on her plate. Alyssa and her shared a knowing look. They lived on stepmother giving me a hard time.

“Good. Now get out of my sight, you worthless peasant. I should’ve given you away when your father died.”

I left after that. Tears streaming down my face. I grabbed a pastry and left to take a walk in the woods. The only place where I could get some peace and quiet. I wiped away my tears and searched for my special sanctuary. My special sanctuary was this small pond in the middle of the forest. I’d found it when I left the house after one of stepmother’s outbursts.

After walking for awhile, I found the small pond. The trees and flowers surrounding it made the place feel peaceful and calm. Approaching it, I took off my shoes and sat down beside the water. I slipped my feet into the clear water, feeling the coolness of it. All I could hear was the chirping of the birds and the soft rustle of the leaves as they danced in the wind. All was calm then it wasn’t.

The sounds of hooves against the ground filled the once quiet forest. I stood up and shook off the water from my feet. Placing my shoes firmly back on my feet, I stood beside the tree and watched as a group of royal huntsmen chased after a moose. I instantly felt sadness for the poor animal.

I heard another wave of galloping horses from behind me. I turned around and realized it was only one horse. The man riding, said horse spotted me.

“Miss, are you lost?” He called out to me. The man moved closer to me and hopped off of his horse. As he came closer, I realized how handsome he was. Perfectly combed hair, high cheekbones, chiseled jaw, broad shoulders. Oh my…

But what struck me the most, were his kind eyes. He seemed genuinely concerned for me. It was rude to stare but I couldn’t take my eyes off of the handsome stranger.

“Miss?”

“Oh, sorry.” I said, slightly flustered. “I’m not lost. Well, not accidentally.”

“So, you’re running away.” He smirked. That made my heart beat faster.

“Just for the morning. I have to go back before lunch hour.”

“Oh. Allow me to apologize for disturbing you then.” He raised his hands in defense.

“You’re not disturbing me actually.” I bit my lip. He raised his brow and shook his head, smiling at the ground.

“So, what is a beautiful lady, like yourself, running away from?”

I blushed at his words. No one has ever told me that I was beautiful.

“Everything?” I said, vaguely.

“Care to elaborate?” I had clearly peaked his interest.

“I only just met you, sir. I don’t think I can tell you my life story just yet.” I joked.

“You don’t know who I am?” He looked a little surprised.

“Should I?” He chuckled.

“My apologies, miss. How would anyone know me? I’m just a simple apprentice.” He chuckled, nervously. “But I guess I’ll have to see you again to find out, now do I?” He took a step closer to me, not once breaking eye contact with me.

“I suppose so.”

Me and the stranger held each other’s gaze. His eyes eventually left mine to scan my face. For some reason, I didn’t feel self-conscious under this man’s gaze. I peered down at his well-pressed suit and sparing a glance towards the royal crest on his horse’s chest. I met his kind eyes once more. His smile immensely contagious. He opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by his horse neighing very loudly. The man jumped off the ground in surprise, making me giggle.

“That horse definitely has a mouth on him, doesn’t he?” The man pointed at his horse, a little red in the face.

“He does.” I played along.

“There you are!” A voice interrupted us. The royal huntsmen were approaching us. The voice seemed to come from the older man riding in the front. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you, Your Hi-”

“Peter! It’s Peter! It’s Peter.” The last time he said to me. Peter…

The older man smirked. “Well, it’s time we head back now, Peter.”

“I’ll be there in a minute.” He waved him off, keeping his gaze on me. I smiled at him. “I will see you again right?”

“If you can find me.” I joked.

“I’ll make sure I do.” He held out his hand for me to take. I placed mine in his slightly calloused ones. Feeling immediate sparks, I tensed up. I felt him tense too. Peter recovered earlier than I did, lifting my hand towards his mouth and placing a gentle kiss on the back of it. Just like my dream. I sighed, contently.

“You should get back to your group.” Feeling his hand tighten around mine.

“I should. Do you require assistance going back to your home?”

“I think I’ll be fine.”

Peter nodded and released my hand from his grip. He returned to his horse and mounted on it. Taking one last look at me, he saluted to which I responded with a coy wave. In a minute, he was gone from my view. Just the soft sounds of horses neighing in the distance reminded me that that was real.

The walk back to the house felt like I was floating on a cloud. I spun around, admiring the trees and feeling the wind in my hair. I plucked a small flower from the ground and smelled its sweet scent. Everything seemed sweeter and brighter. Even the sight of the house didn’t damper my bliss.

Oh, Peter. I hope I see you again. I thought. A silly smile still played on my lips. I wished to relive that moment. Even if it’s just in a dream.

“Y/N! Where are you?” I heard Alyssa scream for me. I sighed.

I guess dreams had to wait. There were still chores to be done.

Next

[thedigitaldollhouse]

Savannah:

Buzz, Buzz, Buzz, I could hear the vibrations of my cell phone going off as I packed the rest of my things. I wasn’t in the mood so my ring tones were on vibrate. Moving to Atlanta was a sad day for me; everything that had happened in the past year was overwhelming. I needed to get away.

Trying to cover up the irritation in my voice I answered the phone, “Hey Mom, I’m almost ready.” “Hey Savannah, did you get in touch with your sister?” No, not yet, I’ll give her a call back, but she knows were coming I’m sure.” “CALL HER SAVANNAH”, my mother yelled. As I hung up the phone the thought of hearing the mean attitude from my step-sisters voice turned my stomach. I was the last person she wanted to speak with. We hadn't had any form of communication in 4 years.

The phone rang twice, “Hello Savannah”, “Hey Bella, how you doing? I just called to let you know we’re re on the way to Atlanta and we should be there by sundown.”

“I know mom texted me 10 times already, tell them I’ll be here and not to leave you without any money; I will not be taking care of your ass”, she said. “Ok I understand”, I said as I sighed trying to be as polite as I could. “But seriously Bella we need to talk when I get there. I really need you to understand how sorry I truly am about everything.”

“Blah, Blah, Blah, save it, just call me when you’re almost near,” she said, and ended the call. The embarrassment of her hanging up on me without so much as a “goodbye” frustrated me even more but it had to be done at least till I could stand on my own two feet in Atlanta.

Orlando became a place I longed to get away from and it was time I moved elsewhere. I’d lost all my friends, my job, and my parents were sick of the drama between me and my ex so they sat me down at dinner one evening and in a nice manner they told me to pack my shit. The nerve of my mother of all people to want to put me out in the streets, she knew I had no where to go and besides my step-dad and Bella, my mom was the only family I had.

Luckily I'd found an intern in Atlanta that accepted students with a low GPA to start working on pursuing my career as a private investigator, but the only thing was, it wasn't a paid intern so that meant that I would have to find a job to support myself. Assuming they were going to put me in an apartment and help pay my bills until I was ready to be on my own they dropped another bomb on me.... I would have to stay with my step- sister Bella. Dammit. I grew nervous. Me and Bella were the best of friends all of our lives until about 4 years ago when everything took a left turn. We both ended up dating the same guy, but I will admit that she had him first. I wanted him and at the time I guess I didn't care. Even after the truth came out and she wanted nothing to do with him, I stayed and chose what I thought was the love I had for him over me and my own sisters.

My parents thought it would be wise if I went and stayed with Bella, praying that whatever was broken between us could be fixed. I knew it wasn’t gonna be easy but I was praying the same. I missed her, and I never stopped thinking about her. What I’d done was completely stupid, and it had labeled me as being un-trust worthy, but the heart wants what it wants, and I can no longer apologize for that. To her it was unforgivable but to me it was a simple mistake that I'd made.

"She will love me again one day" is what I always tell myself, but in the mean-time I needed to get my life together on my own.

Although I hadn’t seen Bella in years, I was told she was doing well for herself. She was always the ambitious type who seemed to make decisions better than I could. My mother adored her and constantly talked about her claiming she had become her favorite because she was a go getter and a perfect example of what I needed to be. It hurt my feelings to know that Bella was so much more smarter than I was but I did look up to her so I could see why.

Arriving to my new home, the 9 hour drive was well worth it. Bella’s home was beautiful. She had a gorgeous front yard, and an all brick stairway leading to the front door. Feeling better than I did on the way there, I was finally ready to make peace with her and get back to how we were growing up.

Bella’s mother and father divorced when she was 5 years old, and I was 5 also when her father remarried to my mom. My mother Linda was already a single parent and before my step-dad Peter came into her life it was just she and I. My father left us when I was 2 years old to be with other women I was told. Although Peter was my step father he was the only man I’d ever known. He made sure that me and my mom had everything we ever wanted. It was a year after my mother and Peter got married that I’d meet his daughter Bella on Christmas Eve. Our greeting wasn’t a gentle one but more of a tussle. Bella had spotted a gift under the Christmas tree at our parents annual Christmas Ball, and assumed that the gift had her name on it. I’d made the same assumption because it was a big box wrapped in golden gift wrap with a pink bow attached to the front of it. As I quickly ran to take the gift out of Bella’s hands my mother seen us go at it like little brats and yanked the gift out of both of our reaching. “This gift is to be shared between the two of you, you understand Missy” as she looked at me with her expression of if I catch you fighting over another gift under this tree I will punish you immediately. Savannah say hello to your new sister Bella,” said Linda. We looked at each other with anger. I was no longer an only child and neither was she. About an hour after our loud spat in front of all the guest, we were allowed to open our gift. It was two African Barbies with our names embedded in each of them. That did it for us and from then on we were the best of friends.

Bella and I were thick as thieves growing up. Nothing could separate us except for the unfortunate school year. Bella only stayed with us for summers and holidays, but when the summers and holidays were over she had to go back to Ohio with her mom.

The whole way there I was thinking of what could I say to change what had happened; were there any excuses that could be made. No it wasn’t, I just had to live up to what I’d done.

[literarynerd05]

Sims 4 Asylum Challenge: The Inmates

So I have been a fan of the Sims since the first one. Although in Sims 1 I basically just decorated and designed houses. I really got into the game in Sims 2.  Now here we are on Sims 4 and I decided to try something new for me, that doesn’t involve any cheats (I am really fond of money cheats and needs cheats.) So I ran across this Asylum challenge and decided to try it out with Disney characters. I had a dry run and now I am ready to do a real run to see if I am able to get through this. I did use the aspiration rewards cheat on a few of them just to get traits that are imperative to their character. Here is a link to the challenge. I am doing the easy setting:

https://forums.thesims.com/en_US/discussion/792947/the-sims-4-asylum-challenge

The Inmates: 

Cinderella: I created her myself 

Story: Cinder lost her mother at a very young age. It was just her father and her for a very long time until her father decided that she needed a mother figure in her life and remarried. Her step-mother had 2 daughters who were jealous of Cinder’s beauty and the relationship with her father. Sadly, her father died not long after marrying her step-mother and life for Cinder was no longer a happy one. Her step-mother used Cinder as a “maid.” She banished her to the attic and gave everything she owned to her daughters. Cinder no longer had any possessions and she had no friends. So, she started to befriend the animals and could be seen talking with them on a regular basis. (Mice and birds etc) As soon as she was 18, her step-mother had her committed. She had much cause since Cinder talked to mice and birds and said that they helped her. She even claimed to have a fairy godmother who transformed her rags into a gorgeous dress and transformed her friends into coachmen and horses. She also said that a pumpkin became a carriage. So now she talks to herself in the asylum. 

Aspiration: Friend of animals

Traits: Erratic, cheerful, and neat 

Bonus Traits: Speed cleaner and animal affection 

Alice Liddell: Created by: jenny9915

Story: Ever since Alice was a child she has loved stories. She even found another world once after following a white rabbit down a rabbit hole. Or so she claims. She also later claimed to have stepped through a mirror to the same world. A world where you can get bigger or smaller by drinking or eating something. A world with talking animals and a caterpillar that smokes a hookah. A cat that can appear and disappear at will. Her parents grew worried about her and as she got older and she did not stop talking about this “Wonderland” they finally had no choice but to commit her. 

Aspiration: Renaissance Sim 

Traits: Erratic, childish, and bookworm

Bonus Traits: Collector, quick learner, and speed reader 

Elsa of Arendelle: Created by: vsebesit

Story: Elsa has always been cold and kept her distance from everyone, afraid of hurting them. After her parents died, she hid away even more. Her sister never saw her until it was time for Elsa to take the throne. When Anna tried to find out why her sister always hid from her, Elsa freaked out and ran away, yelling about how everyone needs to stay away so she didn’t hurt them with her ice powers. Anna had no choice but to send her sister away to get help. 

Aspiration: Soulmate

Traits: Erratic, loner and perfectionist

Bonus Traits: Alluring and ice proof

Jack Frost: Created by:  vsebesit

Story: Much like Elsa, Jack believes that he can control snow and ice. He believes that he is the legendary Jack Frost. His favorite time of year has always been Winter and during winter he spends as much time outside as he can. His parents, afraid for his life, decided to send him to the asylum in hopes that they are able to get through to him.

Aspiration: Soulmate

Traits: Erratic, goofball, and outgoing

Bonus Traits: Alluring and ice proof 

Killian Jones aka Captain Hook: Created by: narinne

Story: Killian has always loved the ocean, he grew up ocean side. He continued to live near the ocean even after he grew up and of course he went into a field that kept him on the ocean. He was part of the royal navy and married his sweetheart. They had a young son named Peter. Sadly, his son passed away due to a tragic accident. This drove Killian to the bottle (rum) and he slowly became a shell of the man he once was. He was kicked out of the royal army and he took to sailing his own vessel. He disappeared for a few months and when he came back, he swore he was a pirate named Captain Hook and had been to a place called “Neverland” where a boy named Peter antagonized him. His wife had already left him at this point so the authorities had no choice but to commit him. 

Aspiration: Public Enemy

Traits: Romantic, erratic, and self-assured 

Bonus Traits: Dastardly 

The Mad Hatter: Created by: whimreaper

Story: No one knows his real name, including him. He has gone by The Mad Hatter for so long that he has forgotten who he really is. He claims to be from Wonderland, the very place Alice has visited. He even remembers Alice so when she came to the Asylum he was happy to see an old friend. He wasn’t put into the asylum by family members like the others, he just showed up one day outside acting odd. He was talking to himself and talking about missing a tea party with a dormouse and a Cheshire cat. So, those who run this establishment took him in. 

Aspiration: Master Mixologist 

Traits: Erratic, goofball, and outgoing 

Bonus Traits: Essence of flavor

Hercules: Created by: flamingnutter

Story: His parents named him after the legend of Hercules but now he thinks he really is the half god. He spends all of his time working out, trying to get fit enough so that he can be a hero, not a zero. Because of this, his parents have sent him to the asylum in hopes he will finally understand that he is not part god. 

Aspiration: World-Famous Celebrity

Traits: Erratic, active, and self-assured

Bonus Traits: Gym rat and gregarious 

And finally, the character that I am going to control: Tinkerbell created by bayley7

Story: Not much is known about Tink before she came to the asylum. She is so thoroughly convinced that she is a fairy that she never talks about her real life. She has improved enough not to be dressed as a fairy 24/7 but only just. She thinks that she needs to get back to Neverland and to Peter Pan. She mistrusts Killian because she claims he has tried to kill her when she was tiny. She loves shiny things and to tinker around with everything. No one even knows how she got to the asylum, she was just suddenly there one day. 

Aspiration #1: Painter Extraordinaire 

Traits: Erratic, loves outdoors, and jealous

Bonus Traits: Collector

[psotu17]

Water Mill, NY

USDAC People’s State of the Union Story Circle

Parrish Art Museum, Water Mill, NY

January 27, 2017

Circle #2

Facilitator: Lisa

Storytellers: Peter, Nancy, Kim, Joanne, Susan, Kevin

Notetaker: Kelley

FIRST ROUND

Lisa: I am a community organizer working in civil and human rights. Born in Sayville. Through organizing I go to a lot of events. A few weeks ago, my daughter and I went to a mosque. One of the first things we noticed was how many cars there were in the parking lot. We also noticed how many police cars were there–7-8. The place was packed. My husband went to one side of the building and my daughter and I went to the other. I covered my head. A little girl came up to her daughter and asked “Do you hate me?”  My daughter says “No, we are friends.” This was a big moment for me, I couldn’t believe this small child came up and asked my daughter this. I had a breakdown later that evening about how sad this was. This spoke volumes to me about the state of our union.

Joanne: Right now, I feel very saddened and upset, I’ve never really been a political person. I was raised by Democrat parents. I feel frightened, afraid of losing everything that we’ve fought for, afraid of our democracy disintegrating. Saddened by the hate that has come out. The election facilitated this. I feel less hopeful than usual.

Susan: I will talk about my experience at the women’s rally in NYC. My adult daughter hosted a party to make posters. It was interesting to watch people formulate a sentence to put on the poster. Everyone decided it should be a positive message rather than a negative one. Two young boys were there, a 9-year old boy wrote “I hate you Mr. Trump” on his poster. Another boy wrote curse words on his poster directed towards Donald Trump. It was eye-opening for me to see what the younger generation is feeling and how they are affected. They are saying things I wanted to say. This experience has been shattering; and it gets worse by the day. I was encouraged by the enthusiasm at the march and the peacefulness that was there. Trying to stay in touch with the people I marched with to keep our spirits up.

Nancy: We went all out for MLK weekend. My husband and I went to three events in our town. I was surprised by how many black and white people went to the events and got along. It upsets me when they pick on Latinos. It has a lot to do with our president. He is making Latinos the enemy. I have a Latino daughter-in-law. She doesn’t understand why people are picking on them. Her entire family has been to college. We have to be vigilant; we can’t shift such a bad attitude towards Latinos. North Fork community is doing well with black/white relations, but Latino relations have gotten worse. We need to be careful.

Kevin: I’ve been interested in civics, government, and politics since I was young. U.S. history informs my art. Politics has always felt personal for me. My mother worked at a newspaper, my father was dying from alcohol addiction. This was around the same time JFK got shot. I was going through puberty. My mother remarried someone from the opposing political party. I went with my girlfriend to Martha’s Vineyard. I found a book there, Death of a President. I decided I was going to make a painting of the JFK motorcade. Stuart Davis’ son was there. They wanted to renovate a studio, they gave me some shutters, and I decided I would make the painting on the shutters. I remember that a long time ago I wrote JFK a letter; I called the Kennedy Center to see if they had the letter, and they did! The letter was a threat—talking about the Cuban Missile Crisis. No matter how comfortable we are as a society, there is always something going on that we are responsible for. I can’t be hopeless—that’s not my style.

Peter: Racism in our country is now at the surface. I grew up very middle class. No blacks in my school. Boy Scout camp was my first experience with another race. Grew up in a liberal household. Educated about racism. Being fair, loving, accepting were my values. What worried me in the election is the rise of racism. Not the rebirth but the rekindling. The expressions of feeling depressed, I look for bright spots in our country. Read story about a black waitress, some Texans left a $400 tip for her; my hope is that there are enough good people to carry us through. This is an affluent area of NY State, that’s why we don’t know more about people. 5/7th of the people voted for Trump on Shelter Island. I need to understand these people. I saw a Ted Talk on how to learn about people from the other side of the road. It was very helpful. I was out in a storm taking pictures; my truck was on the side of the road. A man in a jeep drove by, he stopped and turned around. He drove up beside me and asked “Are you okay?” After telling him yes, he drove away and I saw a big TRUMP sticker on the back of his car. Proved to me that these people have good hearts.

Kim: During the campaign, we all remember when Trump mocked a disabled reporter. This hit me hard. He was teasing him. The problem is that when someone is in a leadership position and thinks it’s okay to do this it makes other people feel like it’s okay. People still harbor fear for people with intellectual problems because they don’t know what to expect. An example is what happened to the young black caregiver of an adult with autism. The adult had a toy truck; someone called the police and said the adult had a gun. The police asked him to get on the ground. It is very hard to get a disabled person to the ground. The caregiver, being African American, knew that if he didn’t get to the ground he would most likely be shot. He got on the ground and they still shot him. It’s absolutely terrible. Mind-blowing. The fact that the person called the police and said he had a gun; this speaks volumes to how people perceive people with intellectual disabilities. This illustrates a lot of issues. How people jump to conclusions that there is violence. Misunderstanding of people with disabilities. WhiteHouse.gov has taken down their page for people with disabilities.

Reflection & Conversation

Lisa: We’re seeing a lot of common themes here. I’m a history, government, and politics buff also. My first election was in 8th grade for Clinton/Gore. History is huge. Being afraid of the other, whether it’s disabled people, women, Latinos. I’m encouraged that tonight is a bright spot. It’s good that we can come together and talk about what’s happening. It’s amazing that we need a Ted Talk to learn how to talk to people on the other side. When did it become so hard? It hasn’t always been this way. When did this happen?

Kevin: I think you can trace it back to the early 90s. Bill Bradley was a great senator. He left because of how bad it was getting. That’s a bad sign—people with good character leaving. I think we can trace it back to the midterms before Clinton. When Newt Gingrich came in. He made blocking the democrats a top priority. His goal was all about keeping the rich, rich. I wonder if Trump has ever looked down at his own shadow. Hillary knew how to govern, he doesn’t. What does this mean? Democrats need to concentrate on the distribution of wealth. We haven’t had a lot of give and take. George W. Bush was a guy who was known for reaching across the aisle. There is a huge disconnect in how corporations dictate foreign policy. It’s right in front of us. We’ve never had a loose cannon like this before. It makes me wonder who is controlling him. We’re waiting to see. I think there is an entire part of society we don’t know about. Made up of people that think that normal people don’t have what it takes to decide what’s right for the country. It seems so outlandish, Trump, in this more progressive community. Even if I disagreed with presidents in the past, at least I knew where we both stood.

Lisa: going to rallies in the past the joke was to not get arrested. I know I will be arrested in the next four years, the question is just when.

Kevin: What is the role of the media/social media in this election? NY Post was saying he had a 9% shot at getting elected. I have friends in the middle of the country who were saying it wasn’t looking that way. Community is huge. Most of my friends in the middle of the country are doctors. They were saying that they hate Obamacare. Now we see more and more doctors running cash-only clinics. People are fed-up. I get it, but not enough to vote for Trump.

Joanne: I heard on NPR today, the things people were saying at the Pro-Life rallies. The comments were terrible. Uneducated. Saying things like “No health care for women” and “Fend for yourself.” Unsophisticated thinking stems from things like reality TV. We’re creating a population that can vote for someone like this. Alternative Facts, with this lack of intelligence, such concept could be put forth. I find this very disturbing. That this could be put forth and not laughed at. I’m hopeful, because otherwise it’s surrender.

SECOND ROUND

Lisa: 8 years ago, after Obama got elected, Marcello Lucero was murdered in Patchogue. This was a hate crime. A group of 7 men would go around and beat up people who they thought were Mexican. When this happened, I was working for a human rights organization, and I felt like I had failed. Leading up to his murder I kept hearing more and more stories of hate crime. I felt like someone was going to die.  When Marcello got murdered, his brother was left to grieve in the public eye. I contacted him and we became friends. He now goes around to schools and talks about the consequences of hateful language. I sat through every day of the trial, every hearing. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. The current state of the union brought me back to this place. This makes me want to scream. Why don’t people understand that people will die from this rhetoric? I have to feel hopeful. My dad who is a Republican voted for Hillary, he said he did because he couldn’t put me in the position I was in during the trials. There we found common ground. Being able to tell personal stories is really a good thing.

Susan: I felt detached and not included when I was in college in the 70s. Myself and one other student were out protesting at the student union against Nixon. Intellectual conservatives made up more of the student population. We were the only two protesting, this was before Watergate. I felt so outside of the culture. I wanted to go home and vote for McGovern. I hitchhiked from Boston to East Hampton. Doing this left me with a sense of pride that I took a stand for what I believed in. Looking back, I don’t regret any of that. Difficult when you see the country going in a bad direction. I feel hopeless and disenfranchised. This is reigniting my activist roots though, so that’s a good thing.

Joanne: I’ve lived out here since 1978. I have my own business in Bridgehampton. Migrant workers would come in the spring and leave in the fall. I got to know a couple of them very well. Leroy was one, he had an alcohol problem. He was very smart. Red was another one, an intelligent white man. He said “I don’t want you to be afraid of me but I’ve been to jail.” They would come talk to me in my shop and I always enjoyed their company. They would make me bouquets of flowers and they became our good friends. The migrant workers have disappeared. It’s different now. That was a great time for me.

Nancy: I have 2 sons. When they were in high school we took in an exchange student from Thailand. I didn’t know much about Thailand. He was living with us for a year. He seemed to know more about America than I did. People in other countries know much more about our country than we do. What’s the reason for this? Maybe we aren’t doing a good job in our schools—there is so much more in the world. We’re losing our globalization from this election. We need to make sure our children know that they can do anything and work anywhere. Don’t close them into one country we need to expand their minds.

Susan: When I was in commercial real estate in Manhattan, a nice man in my office was very close to Donald Trump’s brother. He asked me to go meet Donald Trump one day. I felt like I didn’t want to, I wanted to keep my environment harmonious and stay away from him. Part of me does not believe or accept that we have elected this man as president. Republicans are about fewer regulations, democrats are about more regulations. We have a gambling man as our president. He’s gotten away with a lot in real estate. I wonder if he can get along with a man. He can get along with a woman because he can manipulate her. The media is what’s making us insensitive. Everything good and positive is saved for the end of the broadcast. I feel like I’m unsafe. The media feels like they can manipulate people and psychology. The media wants us to feel scared. This gets them advertisements and makes them money. Through movies and media we have learned that it’s good to be bad. This needs to be reversed.

Kevin: Four years prior to McGovern, when I was a junior in high school, I was in an English class where we talked about politics. My teacher asked me who I was for. I said I was for McGovern. She said I was wrong, I should be for Robert Kennedy. At an event where everyone was mostly there for McGovern, Robert Kennedy got up on stage and everyone booed. He got up to the mic and said he had been wrong for wanting to stay in Vietnam, and the crowd cheered. Someone made a jet airplane; it flew around and landed at Robert Kennedy’s feet. He got up there and said he was wrong about the Vietnam War. From that moment on everyone there loved him and cheered for him. The fact that a politician could get up there and say he was wrong was huge. The Beatles put out a major release the day Kennedy was shot. I call this the day the 60s started. I put together a group art show about the Kennedy murder. One of the artists brought a public relations person from Dallas. She told me the entire story of the assassination as it related to her. It turns out she was a mistress of JFK and had a baby by him. No one knows about this woman. A lot of politics is opera. I believe we are controlled by a shadow government.

Jack: I want to talk about how confused I am. The media played a huge role in what happened. He [Trump] knows how to manipulate the media, so he used this skill to his advantage. He wanted to get as much exposure as possible, no matter what. People thought he was joking and he played on that. He was running against Hillary who is establishment. A lot of people wanted change and I think that’s another reason why he got elected. People don’t believe that he would do the things he said he would do. A complete ban on immigration, building the wall, making a trade deal, and overwriting legal abortion, DAPL, revoking visas. A lot of these people have good intentions; I believe kicking them out will stir more hate for America and Americans. They’re going through Native American holy lands for the pipeline, Trump doesn’t seem to care. Why is he so close with Russia? It’s very confusing to me.

Peter: I’m trying to still have a hopeful outlook. I want to take some action myself. I printed out 2 sheets of Lee Zeldin [Republican Congressman for NYS] shipping labels. I write him letters and put my name on it and send it to the White House. I’ve gotten two responses from Lee. One was about ACA [Affordable Care Act]. He wrote back and said he was working on it and that it is very complicated. I’m hoping there are enough good people out there to carry us through. Supporting minorities and standing up for what we know is right is more important than ever.

Kim: While raising a child with a disability, vacations were very hard. The last time we went on vacation was 2013 because we can’t find caretakers who can stay with our son. We were visiting my mom in Florida. We went to a grocery store. Out of nowhere my son threw a bunch of bananas and started to hit me. This was new behavior we haven’t experienced yet. I wasn’t sure what to do. I took my card out of my pocket and handed it to the girl who was checking us out, and took my son to the car. The employees at the store bagged all of our groceries and brought them out to the car. There was so much concern; I couldn’t believe how helpful everyone there was. Another story: our son loves the lemon bread at Starbucks. We usually go to the one in Bridgehampton, they know us there. They know that we need to be in and out. One day we decided to go to the Starbucks in Hampton Bays. It was just my son and his father there. My son started acting out, again exhibiting new behaviors. My husband had to sit on my child in the Starbucks because there was no other way he could control him. A person who had been hit by the child came and tapped on my husband’s shoulder. He decided not to make a big deal of the incident, seeing my husband struggling and in tears. After everything calmed down, my husband was crying sitting at a table. A person brought over the lemon bread to the table. There are good people in the world.

Kevin: Have you ever heard of the video on youtube, HyperNormalisation? It’s by the same person who made the video “Century of Himself” [British filmmaker Adam Curtis]. The film is about where we are now as a society. It’s about 2 hours long. Talks about Trump, Hillary, Assad, Assad’s father and synchronicity. Starts in two cities, simultaneously, goes along facts until the two cities merge. Has a lot to do with politics and history. Our future populations are going to look back and ask when we knew about climate change—why didn’t we make a difference? We’re going to have to tell them that we knew and didn’t act. Trump is feeling guilty about the low numbers at this inauguration, why is he so embarrassed of this? He’s almost obsessed with it. He wants people to like him. Almost every department has a twitter account now. I’m curious about how people feel about social media and its place in politics. I think it’s a problem we’re going to have to fix.  I have a friend who knew Trump would win from the very beginning. To this day, I still wonder about how he knew. Was he a clairvoyant? They were selling their house because they knew he would win. He asked me how I didn’t know he was going to win. If Bernie Sanders would have been Hillary’s VP pick maybe they could have won.

Lisa: Lets go around and say one word for how you’re feeling right now:

Hopeful

Enlightened

Thoughtful

Secure

Fearful

Community

Cautious-optimism

Ready