#like i genuinely don't know why it exists

[redladypaige]

So I've been hearing that there shouldn't be a country for the jews, that it should be like "other countries" and "be for everyone".

Ok, so your country that has separation of church and state, which days are the work week?

Mon-Fri? Huh? Why is that? Maybe to make it so people won't work on Sundays, and then, go to church?

In Israel, the work week is Sun-Thu. I don't know if Americans even know that.

Friday night to Saturday night is the Sabbath, so having these days off make it easier to observe.

Muslim countries, usually, have the workweek be Sat-Wed for similar reasons.

People are so stuck on their American Defaultism that they forget that so many things are structured on purpose to benefit different people.

So when people say that Israel should be abolished and there should be a "neutral secular state", what they mean is that it should be more like what they consider the "normal" and "default".

They act like there is a "one size fits all" culture, that anything else is some perversion for the ideal of what a country should be.

That's just one of many many things, cultural and religious, that makes Israel the only place in the world where jews can live without being an afterthought.

I have a lot of problems with Israel.

So many, many problems, especially with the government, and with what's to come with Trump's victory.

I genuinely hope for a change, for the end of suffering, for lasting peace and justice.

But I'm so done with people that have their country built to suit them telling me mine shouldn't exist.

[bonefall]

bones. bones they made moonpaw a schizophrenia and plurality stereotype. bones. bones help us

OH NO IS THAT WHY THERE'S 16 MESSAGES

I TURNED MY BACK FOR 5 MINUTES GREAT GOOGLY FUCKELING MOOGELY

I still have to finish reading Star (you have to forgive me for being a capital G Gamer who's been uber distracted) to gather together my final fair assessment, so I can start putting down the fragments for BB!ASC. But I WILL tell you this;

The whole Moonpaw Discourse from a couple of months ago really opened my eyes to just how pervasive intersexism and plurality stereotyping is, even in this space.

Not all of it is malice-- like many other cultural biases, people often just pick up negative stereotypes passively and don't realize they reflect poorly on real people. "Scary evil head voice" is one of them. Yes, intrusive thoughts exist (they are something I deal with), but it's about the snap, subconscious association between "voice in head" and "mental torment."

As the case and point; Look at how FAST the fandom conversation changed when the team first teased it. What was a fantastical, equal parts sincere love and horror exploration of shipping a cat with a magic pool morphed. Overnight, The Voice was an abusive thing, an expression of a dead baby who wanted to live, or a reincarnated monster, or another evil Ashfur-esque posession spirit.

Something bad, malicious, unwanted. By contrast, the voice of the moonpool was mostly portrayed as a supernatural yet good thing. Genuinely asking her for help.

(Part of me also ponders the religious angle of it. "Voices in my head" that come from God are generally much more socially acceptable than "Voices in my head" that come from the self. Regardless,)

So, as always, I Don't Rewrite Arcs Until They Are Done (I DRAU TAD, if you will), BUT... I know for certain that I will want to subvert this.

If Canon!Moonpaw must be a system, and we're all ready to buckle up and bunker down through how the Erins handle this one, then for BB!Moonpaw I'll try to do the same. But for my portrayal, I want to write her relationship with her headmate to be generally positive. Or at least more complicated and multifaceted.

One idea in particular I like is the thought that she absorbed a twin... but writing it as a chance the twin GETS to live, NOT a life denied. Death would have claimed them if they didn't become part of her. So, they love her-- of course they do. They're two souls with one heart.

The specifics will have to come with time. I need to see how her plurality impacts the plot, the overall story being told, plus wait to assess the criticisms that real systems and fusion chimeras in our fandom will have. But I can say with certainty that I would like to attempt my redux with the sad truth in mind that headmates in media are almost never approached as non-malicious. I'd like to do what I can to make a difference.

[ckret2]

Hellooo, I have a question about Billford in your au.

how do they get a chance to get together if both Mabel and Stanley are keeping a sharp eye on them, and forbidding them of any romantic relationships?

They are NOT keeping a sharp eye on them.

Mabel has identified Bill as a needy ex, and is determined to get him to move on—but like, he's gonna be dating around town! She's gonna meet a couple of the people he goes out with! (We're using the word "people" really loosely here.) And Bill's attitude toward Ford has evolved from "hey buddy, don't you wanna be buddies again, buddy??" to "if you don't like me then why bother." So getting Bill to move on is totally working, right?

(I DO still need to edit a couple scenes in some early chapters for TBOB compatibility on this front—but that basically only means Mabel's going from "I need to help Bill make new friends and keep him away from Ford so he won't be a jerk toward him" to "I need to help Bill make new friends and keep him away from Ford so he won't be a jerky ex toward him." Either way, she's mostly concerned about Bill being a jerk.)

Stan has realized Ford's weirdly obsessive over Bill... but not THAT kind of obsessive. It's like "interview him about his species while vivisecting him" obsessive. Like so. Ford gets like this about stuff! Stan might not have a damn clue what autism is but he sure as hell has seen his brother's special interests! He tried to kill that triangle for thirty years, this obsession is not coming from a place of love. He's worried about Ford—but he's NOT worried about romance.

As a bonus, the two of them DIDN'T have a past relationship—they're not actually exes, they just spent the 80s being weirdly homoerotic—so there's no grounds to worry that they might "get back together." Bill's current feelings on Ford are more mixed; but at this point in the fic, Ford honestly, genuinely, truly hates Bill with no romantic interest.

Plus, once romance creeps onto the table, Ford thinks "if anything happens between Bill and me, my family would never forgive me (and I'd never forgive myself)" and Bill thinks "if anything happens between Ford and me, the Pines would murder me, and that might not be hyperbole." They'll be motivated to downplay their feelings for each order before feelings even start to happen.

Bill & Ford tend to clam up around each other or only have shallow surface-level conversations when other people are around. When they DO have serious heart-to-heart discussions they trip and stumble into them when no one's listening. (They keep having serious conversations at midnight, usually in the kitchen. It's happened like, what, four times so far?) This is gonna continue in future chapters. Oh, boy is it gonna continue.

So during this time period, as far as anyone else knows, on a scale of 0 = sheer loathing to 10 = passionate love, Ford's feelings for Bill go from 0 to 2 and Bill's feelings for Ford go from 3 to 1.

It doesn't help that their idea of flirting is "spend an entire day arguing about whether or not Minnesota exists and compromise by agreeing the backs of dollar bills are blank. Tell no one how this is a compromise." This is some kind of shrimp romance.

(This is an actual upcoming chapter, and I wrote it like a week before TBOB came out where Bill has a whole paragraph about how Minnesota doesn't exist. Originally the chapter was about Wyoming. I still think Wyoming works better than Minnesota but I'm tickled "Bill claims a state doesn't exist" is canon.)

Add that all up? And by the time anyone realizes something's going on—IF anyone realizes something's going on—they've been licking each other's eyeballs and roleplaying erotic deicide for weeks.

(This is a slight exaggeration. Only Bill's into eyeball licking.)

[lastoneout]

Genuinely losing my mind at how prevalent the misconception that radfems don't hate men has become in queer spaces like. What good does completely denying easily verifiable facts about hate groups do?? Why are we doing their work, disguising their rancid ideology, for them??? We cannot fight radical feminisim if we put our hands over our ears and pretend they believe something they don't. You have to recognize your enemy to actually fight it. Pretending they don't believe what they do helps them keep recruiting queer people bcs no one recognizes their rhetoric until they pull the transphobia card and they KNOW to only do that once they're sure they've got you.

Like I feel insane what the hell is going on. This is easily fact checked, radical feminisim has existed since the 70s like????? Why are so many people just straight up denying reality?????? I dont even know what to say except that shit shit REALLY scares me. We cannot be spreading misinformation so confidently, especially now. How the hell did this even happen I just. What the fuck?????

[worstdisastermaster]

The books and the shows aren't the same thing and?? That's okay?? It doesn't have to be??

Some of the artists haven't even seen the show yet, and maybe won't 🤷‍♀️ I know I've seen like. The 1st episode and that's it lol. And I really enjoyed it and I think it's really fun

But people tend to separate book fandoms from in screen fandoms, to an extent, at least, bc there ARE differences, and THATS OKAY

They are very connected but they are not the same and I don't understand why people find that so hard to accept?? Like. Genuinely I'm so confused lol

Like if someone was being disrespectful, or trying to whitewash Leah or something horrid then like. Defend her!!! (Do try to be polite tho bc people can and often do change, and they know what they have been taught until they learn more- like for example, a few years ago I had no idea ab anything lgtbq and I peob would have gotten myself canceled bc I had. No idea. Ab any of it. And despite having best intentions in heart i totally would have offended someone, and that would have crushed me, because *i didnt know*. I never would have hurt anyone on purpose, i just didnt realize what COULD hurt others on that specific topic, much less why. But now I identify with it and am learning new things ab jt every day and etc. And that's a super touchy topic for a lot of people and for good reason too! Just try to be kind first, then if they are jerks u can be a jerk back lol. Just give peopke a chnace to get better- and then PLEASE dont hold the past against them ubless they very clearly havent changed mk please please please let people grow and change and get better dont crush them before they can) anti Leah trash is. That. Trash

But why would you attack book Annabeth, just for existing? She was my childhood, and I identified a lot with her as I grew up. And guess what! I also identified with Hazel, and I do so even more now! No matter what race she will be casted as, I'm still going to imagine BOOK Hazel the way I always did. Doesn't mean I won't adore her actress, or appreciate art of the girl playing her role! But would you call me racist for drawing her as African American if her actress, was, say, Asian American? Or drawing Leo as Latino instead of Somoan? Because to me, u less I am being a jerk about it, all I'm doing is drawing the book instead of the show. Idk I'm too sleep deprived to put my thoughts into coherent words lol

I love the posts, where it's like, book Annabeth and show Annabeth holding hands. Those posts are my favorite, both because they are freaking adorable, but also. Because it's equal

They are different aspects of the same person

And

Thats

Okay

You know???

I quite literally grew up reading pjo. I read it at least once every year since I learned HOW to read, *partially on pjo*, until late middle school. I was raised on book Annabeth.

Show Annabeth is new and exciting and adorable and I'm so happy for it and I am very excited for all the people being introduced to it!!!!!!!! However, when I'm writing book pjo, I'm not swaping it out for show scenes, bc they are, in fact, different. Which, again, NOT A BAD THING. And you know what? When people from the show fandom write their scenes, they aren't going to be thinking ab the book scenes, and THATS OKAY TOO!!! And I could care less how my readers saw my characters when the read the story. I write them the way I imagine them, but it's their job as the reader to say 'no, actually :P' and swap out the appearance for one they liked better.

I did that plenty often as a kid, and i donf regeret it.

Which, ironically enough, was why my book Percy was blond until ab 6th grads XD I mixed up Luke and Percy's hair description ONCE and just. Never questioned it, though all the rereads, or looking at the covers of the books 💀 you can imagine my shock when I joined the fandom and found out Percy had black hair, instead of sandy hair like, you know, S A N D, like poseidon!!! And now show Percy is blond XD

That just proves people can imagine things how they want and jts okay- especially bc maybe, in an au, they're rifht!!! (Au being show Percy to me)

Anyways I lost my train of thought and it's almost 12 here lolll I hope I didn't say anything ill be embarrassed by come tomorrow~

Good night world :3

Hi guys, wanted to discuss something going on for a while now. What the hell is wrong with pjotwt? Like...whats wrong with this people? Do you see what they say? What they are even trying to do?

First of all, let me start by speaking about the cast. They are all wonderful children, Leah especially! She is doing an amazing job as Annabeth. But book Annabeth still exists yk? She is and she is literally white. It is not racist. But denying about a character being white in the books, even spreading hate like this...is racist. There are people out there related with Annabeth for years. People love her, every version, maybe book more maybe even the movie. How can you disrespect her like this? And most importantly, how can they attack an artist like this, with an art being so beautiful. What they are trying to do is not protecting Leah, it is spreading hate. It is awful. Making this fandom toxic, so so much.

Them trying to erase book Annabeth because she is white, trying to cover her by painting on her, shaming artists, calling people that loves her racist...What do we do about this in pjo fandom? This fandom used to be so beautiful, but now. This people are not part of the fandom in my eyes, because real fans, would respect every version of the characters, love them with their anything, even flaws. They would protect this characters because they love them, so much. And not to mention this characters are the ones Rick wrote 20 years ago, they were with us for so long.

What do tumblr think about this I wonder? Since pjo fandom is pretty active here :3

[ace-and-the-rpg-horrors]

have a bit of a rant. i can't stand it when people practically justify casual bigotry in anime, manga, Japanese games, etc because "it's Japan!!" things like anti-queerness, misogyny and especially colourism. if someone points questionable things out, there will always be at least one annoying person replying with something along the lines of "well, it's more normalised there!!"

do you not see how fucking racist you're being? by implying that Japanese people don't know any better? you're infantilising them and suggesting they all have backwards beliefs. it's really, really weird how way too many people have this belief that Japanese people all must be "pure" and can't do any wrong. it's not cute or whatever other bullshit, these beliefs are genuinely an issue and allowing them to continue being carelessly portrayed like this without any criticism just means that there won't ever be pressure to change and improve

whenever colourism in Japanese media is pointed out, someone always has the counterargument that "people with darker skin aren't common in Japan!!" which is just so... ignorant? and you're using this strange belief that the average Japanese adult in the industry somehow doesn't know brown and black people exist to... excuse the way that characters with those features are often presented in such a stereotypical and offensive way. or, more likely, not at all?

if you're one of those "it's not that deep" kind of people and roll your eyes at people pointing things like this out, maybe you could, ah... have a little think about why that is? why is it that you instantly jump to defence and get so irritated when POC and other minorities try to explain that the way they're represented isn't okay? why do you think they shouldn't speak up?

[1toreyouapart]

The Lies We Tell

Summary that tells you nothing: Sometimes everything you ever wanted has been right there, within reach, all along.

CW/TW: Angst, fluff, swearing, friends to lovers, jealousy, smut, fingering, PinV, pet names, friends with benefits, more to come as I actually get things written out.

Masterlist

Why Do Men?

Quinn pushed the food around on her plate, barely listening to the man across from her. He was attractive enough, seemed kind. But good God, he was boring. From the moment she walked in he droned on and on about him and what he did for work, how much money he made. His big flashy car he had. Right now she was really hoping that Noah had asked her to stay with him instead. In fact, she had been sure that he would. Instead, he had rushed out of that bathroom and she hadn't seen him since. Not even when she knocked on his door before she left.

Him telling her she had shitty taste in men still stung a bit. Mostly because it was true. And who was it that picked up the pieces after every failed date? Every brief relationship that failed after three months? Noah. Always there to pick up the pieces and put her back together again. She was willing to bet he already had a whole thing planned for when she got home tonight, too.

"You're one of those goth girls, right?"

Quinn snapped out of her head. What the fuck was this guy on about?

"Excuse me?"

"I'm asking because you look like one. Tattoos, dark hair. Dark clothes." He leaned forward. "Bet you're into some kinky shit, too."

Her stomach turned. What the fuck? Did he really just say that? It didn't matter so much that she wasn't goth. Though, she definitely had more gothic tendencies than not. The sexualization of goth girls, however, was too much. It was vile. It was disgusting. God. Noah had been right.

"Mmmm. This date is over." Sighing, frustrated, she got up, pulling out her wallet. "Here's my half."

"Oh, come on. Don't be like that. It's just a question."

"Be like what? Bored out of my mind because you can't shut the fuck up about how great you think you are? Or irritated because you seem to think that goth women exist for your pleasure?" She threw the money down on the table, laughing. "See you never."

Satisfied she walked away, pulling her phone out. Everything in her screamed at her to call Noah, not an Uber. Noah would be there faster. But she didn't want to hear his "I told you so" just yet. That might set her off even more and she was trying not to cause a scene.

The cool night air hit her skin as the app told her a driver was on her way. 15 minutes until her ride arrived. Cursing she pulled up the text thread with Noah, debating texting him that he had been right. Just then, however, her date appeared in front of her, angry.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? You're not even that pretty, anyway."

Quinn's stomach churned, her palms going sweaty as she glanced up and down the sidewalk. There were people. Lots of them. She should be safe, right? Fuck. What had Noah taught her? He had tried so hard to teach her how to defend herself. Now that the time may be here she couldn't remember a thing. Steeling herself for what may happen she lifted her chin, meeting the man's eyes.

"I said the date is over."

"You know, you should be grateful I even gave you the time of day. I make more money in a year than you ever will in your life."

She laughed. Genuinely deeply laughed. This guy wasn't going to attack her. His ego might be bruised, but that's as far as it would go. The type of guy that used his wealth to get sex. If he even actually made that much money.

"Says the grown ass man crying because the girl that 'isn't even that pretty.' Do you even hear yourself right now?"

"Whatever. Good luck finding a man that'll put up with you."

She watched as he walked off, ignoring the tiny crack in her armor that last comment had made. So many failed dates. Nothing lasting more than three months in the last seven years. Maybe he was right and there was something just inherently wrong with her. Her track record definitely spoke to that.

Her phone lit up, letting her know her ride had arrived just as a vehicle with an Uber sign in the window showed up. Thank fucking God. All she wanted right now was her pajamas, a movie, and her best friend.

Tags: @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[somewhereincairparavel]

[TW: grooming] Gentle reminder that Luke castellan was a 19 year old adult going after a 14 year old Silena, emotionally manipulating her and basically grooming her into giving him information. (Luke was said to have recruited Silena sometime after he left chb, which is basically the ending of TLT and Silena was 14 in TLT while Luke was 19) and continued to do so for 4 YEARS (the time between TLT and TLO is 4 years, and Silena only stopped falling into the trap after Charlie died, which was in TLO)

I hope the pjo timeline is an eye opener for the naive as fuck fans defending and justifying Luke's behaviour and having the audacity to deny that Silena was indeed groomed.

There's a difference between appreciating well written complex characters vs actually glossing and meat riding their problematic and questionable behaviour. A huge fucking difference. I think Luke is a good written character, but seeing the amount of fans justifying him being a creep scares me.

"Grooming" (I took the definition straight out of the internet for the detectives that will probably scrutinize and chew on my post lmao) is when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them.

Luke took advantage of Silena to BOTH manipulate AND exploit her for information.

Don't even get me started on the "he had a terrible home life, he was traumatized as a kid, what else can you expect?" yeah he was, but how was that Silena's fault? She shouldn't have to be taken advantage of , suffer without even realizing it, and pay the price to Luke's insanity, just because Luke had internalized issues like other demigods did?? How is that a fucking excuse??

pls look me in the eye and tell me that Luke was "so hot because of how crazy, messed up and unhinged he is"

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Anyone else just not feeling like a real person much lately?

[stairset]

I think the portrayal of Spider-Man 2099 in Across the Spider-Verse is in-character in that aside from like Shattered Dimensions he's always been portrayed as a bit of an asshole who slips into anti-hero territory at times and generally has a "needs of the many over the needs of the few" mindset and given his specific circumstances in the movie it's not unreasonable to think he could take the actions he does. However it does kinda suck that since like 99% of moviegoers had no idea who he was before the movie came out their first impression of him is when he's in an antagonistic role and people think "antagonist" and "villain" are synonyms so now I'm gonna have to listen to people who've never read a comic saying he's a villain or isn't a real Spider-Man for the rest of time or at least until he inevitably changes his mind in the third one.

[screamingfrenchfries]

hi there im back to add onto this post that this has become a LEGITIMATE problem. especially since ive been slowly but surely making my way through literally every single tally hall performance i can find on youtube.

if a music/live band version of The Tetris effect exists, i'm experiencing it right now. i was genuinely concerned for myself typing this out so if anyone can confirm whether or not i should seek mental help or not PLEASE let me know lol.

i literally cant listen to a single one of their songs without such INTENSE visuals in my mind. this doesn't sound like THAT big of an issue, but allow me to explain why its ruining my life;

i zone out

this one kinda happens to me regardless if im even listening to music or not but its ESPECIALLY bad now. i've had many staring complaints just because i've disassociated SO hard "watching" them perform.

2. i get TOO EXCITED?

just the other night i couldnt stop jumping around and RUnning & singing (kinda. it was quietly) because i had such an ENERGY BOOST from the pure serotonin i get from their music. this was in public. i am 19 years old.

3. i cant focus on work

literally the reason i had to come back and type out this "rant" because im STRUGGLING !!! i usually need music to work but the hyperfixation is SO bad that i cant listen to anything else but tally hall, but whenever i listen to tally hall im so enamoured with the mini performance happening in my brain its hard 2 focus on anything else.. do u see my issue here? im convinced if i just don't listen to music altogether i'll STILL have one of their songs playing in my head.

i guess i should be glad i dont drive yet ahahaha

anybody else got a tiny little tally hall in their mind that performs for them everytime u listen to their music???!,!!!???

[sage-nebula]

I am this close 🤏 to taking the word "siblings" away from the Sonic fandom and putting it on a shelf. People here seriously use it as a shorthand for "any characters I don't ship that have a good relationship in canon." It's wild. Y'all are out of control.

Because let me tell you, I've had a (step-)brother for 28 years. And I have never once talked to him like this:

(He's the "prince." It's teasing bordering on flirting. And the other two aren't even borderline.)

This isn't a "they're canon dating" post, it's a "they don't interact like siblings" post. Sisters don't flirt with their brothers unless there's something messed up happening in that family. And Rouge, canonically, flirts with Shadow. Meaning that she definitely doesn't see him as a brother, and likewise, we have no reason to believe that, canonically, Shadow sees her as anything more than a friend.

Here are the confirmed sibling relationships in canon:

Sonic & Tails

Scratch & Grounder

Rough & Tumble

Shadow & Maria as of this month

Sonic & Sonia & Manic in Underground

Sally & Elias(? was that his name?)

Aside from some more obscure pairs in Archie or similar adaptations I may have missed, that's it! Everyone else? Friends. They're just friends. And you can say "I see them as just friends" and sound far less clownish than when you decide literally everyone, including characters who flirt with each other (or at least have one-way flirting like Shadow and Rouge), are "siblings."

Thank you and goodnight.

[agalychnisspranneusroseus]

Man if Marcy keeps ending up with like child protection services in all these fics over her parents being slightly distant then my parents should be in JAIL

[reimeichan]

God I love this question a lot tbh and I'm so glad anon asked it. I actually had to sit and think about this for myself- as a system that's regularly in a fully fused state but also regularly still experiences splitting into dissociated parts, how exactly does fusion feel for me?

At the very beginning, when I was adjusting to being fully fused, it was definitely A LOT and while I wouldn't call it "fatiguing", it was definitely very confusing. I had access to all of my emotions and thoughts and memories and it was incredibly overwhelming for me to try to navigate through all of that. We did find our equilibrium after a while though, and I think it took us a couple of months to really settle down and be at peace. Nowadays, being in a fused state is just... nice. I feel like my emotions have mellowed out and don't tend towards any one extreme anymore, and I know for me the stronger my emotions, the more energy that takes out of me, and thus the faster I tend to get fatigued. I feel in sync with all parts of me so that there's basically no need to actively communicate and spend energy on that as well.

When I'm not fused, though, and acting more as dissociated parts? That's definitely tiring for me. I regularly get headaches from communicating with ourselves and will need to sit down or close my eyes more because it's generally more exhausting to exist that way. I feel like I actually have to put in effort to be present and grounded- something that's basically effortless when I'm a fused whole. The difference isn't really as stark as I'm describing it tbh, as because I'm more dissociated I'm less able to notice just how tired and fatigued I am until after the fact- like now, looking back on those moments. That's really not to say it's all bad; acting as individual parts can be kind of fun and freeing, but generally speaking being fused is definitely much more preferable for us. Even though as dissociated parts we work together incredibly well to the point co-fronting and blending feels seemless and normal, it's still genuinely not the same as operating as a fused whole. It's a pretty major reason why I'm actively working together with my therapist to decrease my reliance on dissociation and splitting and to increase my window of tolerance when faced with high amounts of stress.

hi, i have been thinking about the topic of fusion, and what i want my long-term goals to be, and i was wondering. do you ever feel like being fused is exhausting? not the process of fusion, i know thats exhausting because healing is exhausting. but like. do you ever feel overwhelmed due to being all parts of yourself at once? i havent experienced any fusions yet (hopefully in the future!) but ive seen people talk about how even when fused, none of the parts disappear but instead are all part of the "you" that always exists. my only frame of reference for how that feels for myself is blendy cofronting, which in my experience can be pleasant with 2 or 3 parts, but any more than that gets overwhelming and disorienting

Actually? Surprisingly? No. Not really at all honestly. The funny thing is that I used to wonder the same thing so I absolutely understand the frame of reference and perspective and assumptions that go with it, but its extremely comfortable and LOW energy to be fused for me.

The actual thing that happens is that you don't really get that "too many parts in front" fatigue like... ever or fronting fatigue like ever - at least thats how it is for me.

I relax a whole fuck ton better as a fused whole and while a lot of fusion still has me having to learn my new / fused "me" and how I operate on a baseline, thats an entirely different thing than trying to balance all the differing and contrasting parts or trying to understand and negotiate that because like... They are all simultaneously me and I VERY freely and fluidly exist as and between all of them. There isn't really "compromise" I have to make because.... we just co-exist harmoniously as one without even needing to explicitly talk about it or discuss or put intention into coming to a shared understanding, we just... do and know and its really really really really fucking easy living as a fused whole compared to being multiple parts

Like even if you were to ask me just as ONE part versus how I am now, there is not a single part in our system that has ever actually been so comfortable and so not-fatigued existing as I am as a whole

Everythings a lot more balanced, managable and our window of tolerance is STUPID fucking large - and I don't mean that in a "relative to where we used to be" or "relative to someone with as much trauma as I do" but genuinely STUPIDLY huge compared to most generally neurotypical non-traumatized not-severely-mentally ill people and I largely thank that to Post Traumatic Growth honestly.

But like... tldr, not really at all for me surprisingly. Maybe really early post fusion when I was still figuring myself out a lot but like.... Thats more so the process of fusing than being fused itself imo.

(Side note edit: Sometimes I DO think itd be better to explore a situation and issue as independent parts and so sometimes I DO operate in a more system / plural way of existing for however long its beneficial, but thats less to do with fusion not helping me as much as it is that I think a plural lens and perspective has a lot of perks in navigating complicated situations.)

Anyways tagging a few others who might have a different answer / perspective on this since they are either in a different stage of a fusion / integration and/or have a different way of existing with their fused / integrated state than me.

@hiiragi7 @reimeichan @subsystems

[frankensteinmutual]

I truly don't think I've ever been this into someone who is showing this little interest in me. like is this just a manifestation of my self loathing or something