#like i feel very guilty about wanting attention bc it feels selfish or some shit
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ok i think it might be an attention thing
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milo-is-rambling · 2 years ago
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Day whatever it is recap!
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#📸#I think it’s day five maybe#also I’m at my brothers school for the last time ever :/#probs the last time I’ll ever step into a college dorm again tbh#and I got one last shower in the dorm bathroom which is always good bc if I’m seeing my brother chances are I’ve at very least spent three#hours in a car to get to him#so a shower is nice especially bc I was like panic attack sweaty. tmi? maybe.#I didn’t really do a lot today#at least not postable stuff#a lot of hanging out with family and Millie and being tired and kind of miserable but also daydreaming about any other shit in my life#idk. it all feels weird rn. all of it. and my brain is nagging me saying you’re being/doing x y z for attention even when I’m not telling#anyone shit im doing or thinking or anything and my brain is still like nah. you’re jealous of your brother graduating and not being home#at the end of dads life and at the same time you feel stressed and guilty and feel bad about him not getting closure#but at the same time you just wish you didn’t see his fucking body on the ventilator and all the IVs and the bloat and the popped blood#vessels and the nurses and doctors and knowing they did cpr so much if he even survived he would be miserable and have broken ribs#fuck. I want to be home and alone and crying about this all by myself alone. I hate this I hate this I hate this I want to go smoke a cig#but this is a no smoking campus ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh I am miserable and this is supposed to be this big fun#thing for my brother and I feel selfish and stupid for having feelings and letting myself get upset about my dad but my fucking mother#made some sign to put in an empty chair for my dad and she brought his jacket he wore all the time and I started crying when I saw and then#immediately after we had to go see his parents and my grandfather is falling apart and reminds me of my dad in the hospital and I’m just so#miserable and between horrible thoughts and self harm and everything I’m keeping to myself I am just thinking about how this is so bitter#sweet for my brother like he’s graduating with his friends and then moving away from them all to a place where it’s just all about dad being#dead and he doesn’t like Florida really and he’s gotta start his grown up life (technically he has two more classes online and he’s getting#a blank diploma tomorrow but yeah. things are rough and my body hurts and stress is so bad for me and my chronic pain and I feel like I went#from the most relaxed and comfortable and happy I’ve been in a year to feeling like hell on earth and I feel like I’m bringing down every#one else’s mood but like hello why are we pretending any of this normal thid can’t be real this can’t be real this can’t be real I don’t#want this to be reak I want it to be fake it has to be fake please please please wake up tomorrow and have it be a year ago please#I miss my father and I hate myself and violent thoughts are taking over my mind and I hate it all but things were so good literally up until#I saw my mom and grandparents#my brother was so nice when it was just us too (and later I just mean before mom got here specifically he was still nice to me)
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robo-cryptid · 11 days ago
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⭐️
OKAY, coinin, my dear friend, because you gave me permission, I'm going to ramble about shit you know nothing about (but you should, because truly it takes, like, five minutes to absorb enough Deadlock lore to enjoy fic and art I'll even make you a primer post about it if you want hi I love you join me in hell).
But for now, since this is about fic, I will talk about what is happening with the characters in The Pipeline.
First, there's Pocket, our narrator/POV character (who in this series does still think of themself internally by their birth name but who I think has some ambivalent feelings about it all if they were forced to confront it head on). They are clever, young, and damaged, with just a boatload of Daddy Issues and trust issues and a lot of conflicting feelings about themself. They're also one of my favorite character types: they like to lie to themself about their own motivations. Some of this I think is just because they're young and still learning to process new experiences and certain emotional truths, and some of it is out of fear of confronting their own ambitions or more selfish/"selfish" desires, because the thing they fear the most is being Like Their Dad.
Then there's Abrams, who is imo the most straightforward character. He keeps secrets by the nature of his job (detective, which I think means private investigator 1940s noir shit rather than "works for the NYPD," but this might just be my ACAB biases showing bc textual evidence could go either way afaik -- in his redesign, he no longer has a badge) and to protect people, but I don't think he's an inherently secretive person. He is also mostly a good person, though I think labels like that are tricky in Deadlock, where everyone has something a little shady going on. So he's pretty blunt and to the point and mostly has his heart in the right place, and you can generally take what he says at face value.
The Abrams/Pocket dynamic is pretty easy because Abrams makes it easy. He's someone older who says he wants to keep them safe and who they trust to follow through on that, and he's generally very kind to Pocket without ulterior motive. The biggest hurdles for them are just that Abrams would be kind to Pocket either way, but feeling attracted to someone younger and more vulnerable than him makes him feel kind of weird and guilty. (If I were going to write a slow burn, this is where a lot of the emotional beats would be tbh bc if Abrams is younger than 40, I will lose my mind, and I'm only in my 30s, but I am still old enough that I too would feel Very Weird being attracted to a 23-year-old -- but also I'm a sapphic who has enjoyed MILFs since basically forever and has been attracted to people easily twice my age MANY times, so I also get the appeal of someone older from Pocket's side of things lolol).
Anyway, once Abrams is past the weird guilt hurdle, he's got the confidence and experience to be able to just, like, say what he wants and act on it, which is wildly refreshing as far as Pocket's concerned. His biggest problem is being probably too attentive and protective (which I went into more before so I won't here, but I will say that would also be a good longer-form more serious fic).
But really I did this answer because I want to talk about Lash. For vague plot reasons and the way the story evolved, I had to play Lash closer to the vest, but like, also, what else can you do with a character whose entire biography is just the single sentence, "Jacob Lash is an asshole"? (He has wildly funny voice lines and lore that's hinted at, though, so there's not nothing there.)
He is an arrogant asshole who actually has the goods to back up his cockiness (canonically he's only lost a single fight in the underground fighting ring he's in), which is in many ways worse than an arrogant asshole who's just full of hot air. He says he can beat your ass because he can. He says he's the best that's ever been because he has a 99% win record. He brags about having an incredible body because he does. So, you know, the logical conclusion was he says he's got a big dick because he does, lol.
I think he's content to let people think he's exactly as simple as this implies, most of the time. It's pretty easy to hide behind that if one wanted to. Sort of an "if I tell you who I am, you won't ask questions I don't want to answer" thing. He controls the narrative about himself (and Pocket falls for it at first).
But I also think this can be a really lonely existence. Not to be all "she's so lucky, she's a star," but because he's kind of a local celebrity and also abrasive as hell, I think it's very easy for him to get laid and very hard for it to be more than a fling. Most of the people who sleep with him are sleeping with The Lash. It's a notch in their belt, which is mostly fine most of the time, because he's treating them the same way, but it means he's not particularly well-versed in keeping someone around when he wants to.
But also, you know, who's more loyal than a fuckboy who's been domesticated?
Enter Pocket, who treats him basically the same at first (this is a fling, purely transactional, nothing more). From Pocket's POV the appeal is pretty obvious: Lash is hot, he's kind of dumb and easy, and the sex is actually good.
For Lash, though, I think the appeal wasn't entirely physical, which is kind of a problem for him. Like sure, Pocket is cute, but again, Lash could take home someone cute basically any time he wants. But I think outside of Pocket's head where we can see all the conflict and doubt, they come off as aloof and mysterious, and they're clever and kind of dryly funny and not afraid to tell him when he's being annoying (and also they kind of let Lash do whatever he wants in bed and they get off on it, so).
And no matter that they've been a homeless urchin for 5 years, they still have little tells that give them away as (formerly) wealthy, lol, at least to a solidly blue collar guy like Lash. Hence his comments about their soft hands -- he thinks that at the very least they're probably a bank clerk or something administrative, but they also haven't totally lost that rich bitch bearing and diction and manners (when he hasn't been too annoying) and "let's make a deal" attitude that all mark them without them realizing. So I think some of the early appeal is very "getting my grubby hands on something I'm not supposed to have" too.
Also, the final thought is that I think the contrast between him and Abrams is obvious: Lash is an asshole, but Abrams is too nice sometimes, hm hm what must be done here? But one of the other things, especially from Pocket's POV, is whether or not Lash or Abrams respect them. And I think this is where Abrams' approach has backfired and Lash's has won Pocket over so far, because Abrams has been too delicate with them -- which to his credit is at least partly about the physical reality that he is an enormous person and even taller-than-average Pocket is still very small next to him, but Pocket hasn't really considered it from that POV yet. Versus Lash who is pushy and demanding (without actually crossing boundaries) and sometimes gross. I think Pocket has learned to see this as a sign he knows they can handle what he's giving.
You know, as far as Pocket can tell, Abrams is still a little concerned about the Tumblr anons telling him "our relationship is problematic." Meanwhile, Lash is basically saying, "We're equals enough to have nasty disrespectful sex."
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huntingpeople-savingsam · 3 years ago
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Euphoria 2x04: Cassie
Oh my goodness, after all the bullshit so far this season with the whole Cassie / N*te thing this episode made me kinda feel for her. Like,
After she fucked the fuckboy, and he’s going off about how “you can’t blackmail me into dating you” I hate N*te but he’s right???
And when she said she’d tell Maddy and he was like “this isn’t about being a good friend or being sorry, this is about you getting what you want” he was still unfortunately very right??
But then here’s where this episode reminds us that Cassie is still very much a high school kid who wants her friend too dump this asshole for good but also is desperate for this male attention no matter how she can get it after everything she’s been through:
“Is Nate still coming???” Girl, GET UP
When he just walks in passed her and she’s so hurt even though she knows he doesn’t actually want her like that
Girl starts doing what unfortunately many do when they’re upset and stressed, hell I’ve been guilty of this myself, she starts drinking heavvvyyy
Then when she’s still not getting the attention she wants she’s like “time to put on my hot girl fit and pretend I don’t even care!!”
She keeps getting drunker and drunker and by my track of it it was seltzers, beers, some sort of 4 Loko looking drinks, and champagne. So she’s mixing shit too
Now she’s watching Maddy and N*te getting close and get in the hot tub together and she’s like I’ll put the stop to that
She “falls” on N*te getting in the hot tub while she’s still trying to get his attention and he pushes her off
And now she hears everything N*te has been pretending with Cassie wasn’t true: that N*te is still saying shit to Maddy about getting back together, moving away together, having his babies etc
And Cassie at this point is clearly drunk enough to the point she was definitely going to vomit and I think the combination of that and this heavy emotional trigger had her literally crying and throwing up
And she’s saying to Maddy, “I’m sorry I’m sorry you’re my best friend!!” and Maddy, who almost definitely already knows about N*te and Cassie, says to her, genuinely I think, “It’s okay, it’s okay” while she’s gagging bc she has chunky ass vomit on her and girl is still going
Then being pulled up to the bathroom while she’s red faced and crying with puke on her mouth still trying to get N*te’s attention and I think that this is fully the end of them
As hurtful and somewhat selfish as I think Cassie’s actions were towards Maddy this season, I still think that Maddy knows her and while earlier on when Cassie was acting all “he doesn’t care about you he cares about ME” I kinda wanted Maddy to put the beat down on her, I don’t think she actually will. I think Cassie fucked up this season but I still don’t think Maddy is going to put N*te over Cassie.
That’s just my take but I think it’s easy to forget with this show bc the actors are older and the things they’re all doing are way grown for most high schoolers but they are all still kids. And I think or at least hope that after this messy scene that N*te and Cassie are over and Maddy finally steps in like yeah I know what’s going on and N*te can fuck directly off and Cassie’s just on some friendship probation while they get through this ordeal
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cradlingsongs · 3 years ago
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anna for the ask game!! @gabriziodeandre and @likesomethingblooming asked for her 🥺 thank u so much!!! hehehe im super flattered. The actual answer for the ask game is below:
Full Name: Anna Barkley
Gender and Sexuality: Cis Woman/Lesbian
Pronouns: She/Her
Ethnicity/Species: White American
Birthplace and Birthdate: god i dont know LOL ummmm maybe 1st November somewhere in the state of California (subject to change) between 1800~early 1900s??
Guilty Pleasures:
making up fake scenarios in her head ab getting back w her ex. Stop treating her like she’s some woman obsessed w her ex from a hundred years ago! She’s not!!! (She is)
indulging in pictures of wangsty pinterest poetries. If words get out to her camarilla toreador siblings she’d be so fucking toast god help her
Phobias: not really a phobia but she hates dirt and unclean and disorderly things in general
What They Would Be Famous For: If she was still a mortal i can kinda see her being famous for being a ruthless woman politician 🤷‍♀️ like. In a bad way. Otherwiseeee i feel like she would be kinda well known for being extremely petty and inconvenient to people she doesnt like LOL
What They Would Get Arrested For: Public aggression. Anna has a bad temper
OC You Ship Them With: @/dykeferatu’s dani… anna is a total bitch to him now but they were very 🥺 together……… i want that for them again……………. Anna doesnt deserve it tho……… but still……… 👉👈
OC Most Likely To Murder Them: none of them would hate her enough to want to murder her 💀
Favorite Movie/Book Genre: ROMANCEEEE i feel like she would have so much sappy romance books (novels and poetries) in private. But publicly (and mostly) she really likes those specific type of books about the art of gaslighting and manipulating others idkkk u get what i mean. She is very fascinated in gaining power. For selfish means but also because to her it’s a delicate art form as well
Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: she would have so many. But i feel like she would hate the miscommunication cliches the most
Talents and/or Powers:
VTM disciplines: animalism (she has a snake ghoul), celerity (she has super reflexes and can move very fast), and presence (supernatural charm)
she’s supposedly pretty good at putting words together? She writes a lot in her spare time but it’s like 1-2 sentences of her thoughts per writing pieces… once every blue moon she’d write a full poetry but yeah.
Why Someone Might Love Them:
anna is actually pretty good with children and younger people?? as in she often takes people seriously no matter her first impression of them. she snaps very easily but if she knows the other person isn’t so experienced/knowledgeable she can be pretty chill and patient about it 🤷‍♀️
also she takes people she likes really seriously in general? idk like her object of affection could be like im feeling tired today and anna would go full are u ok? do you need anything? i’ll fetch u sth to get cozy with so take it easy and just rest ok?
she is very protective and attentive to people she likes…. it might also feel really nice to be treated like that by her bc she hates a lot of people lol
Why Someone Might Hate Them: lol where do i even start
once she decides she hates someone she hates them. She’ll go out of her way to inconvenient them as much as possible
oh yeah she’s incredibly petty too. U slip up and offend her once (and if she doesn’t feel any affection towards you) she will bring that thing up constantly to remind u of ur fault(s) LOLL
she doesn’t like small talk and will readily cut people off to get to the point. Probably could come off as standoff ish and rude to others
Vvvvveeery argumentative….
She has a short temper… it’s very easy to offend and/or accidentally insult her
Will do almost anything to get what she wants… she’s not a good person 🤷‍♀️ will readily use anything to blackmail and manipulate the shit out of people that she wants to step over…
How They Change: WELL i did write out a redemption arc for her!! It includes her bad personality and short temper finally biting her in the ass and her losing everything she worked the past hundred years for!!!!!!! It was fun
Why You Love Them: she’s my pathetic little meow meow and also she’s very cringe but in a sad way like she’s pretty lame and she doesn’t think she’s cool either but she’s trying so hard to be cool bc no one’s gonna take her seriously if she’s not. Anyway i love her sm. Pathetic little meow meow
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sunriseseance · 5 years ago
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please,,, even if you dont answer this publicly i wanna know your In Depth Thoughts on fanon klaus and the issues w him bc i also have issues w fanon klaus but i cant put it in words
This got SO LONG, so I hope you meant it when you said you wanted in depth! Holy shit I sorta lost my mind on this.
In my early days as a bear-poker in this fandom, I described fanon!Klaus as that person who gets resurrected in a horror movie and comes back different. As an audience member, I can tell he's wrong, but nobody interacting with him directly seems to know this. I've also talked a little bit about Klaus and intelligence before, which plays into any discussion about fanon!Klaus, but I'll be more specific here. Before I get started, I wanna say that fandom is a fun space and I don't think anyone is *bad* for creating/enjoying fanon!Klaus, especially not for the third reason I lay out. I just think he's awful, and has some harmful roots that I doubt the people writing him even know about on a conscious level.
Okay, let's get into this. Because I'm me and Wittgenstein's early work that he later disagreed with has changed my entire way of interacting with the world, I'm gonna define my terms. Let's talk about what fanon!Klaus is LIKE before we talk about why I REALLY DON'T LIKE HIM. Fanon!Klaus is a happy, stupid, sweet, childish, bubbly, luminous free spirit. He wears bubblegum pink skirts and he cries when Diego eats his cookies. He doesn't know what numbers are, he can't count, he can't walk and chew gum, he thinks that Africa is a country, he forgets that homophobia exists, he doesn't know that drugs are bad for him, the list goes on (These are all real examples. Can you tell what part of fanon annoys me the most?). He cries at the drop of a hat, and doesn't understand his place in the family. He'd move heaven and earth to help the people around him, and he'd never be mean to anyone but Luther (and even then just barely) He constantly needs attention, supervision, etc. He makes jokes about modern memes and listens exclusively to pop music. He's really damaged but it's only because nobody Took Care Of Him and he needs someone to Rescue Him.
Canon Klaus is mean, and quick, and sharp, and miserable, and hiding, and funny because you're laughing WITH him, and an old soul, and a goth, and chronically apathetic, and selfish, and so fucking smart, and acutely aware of just how much he matters to other people. He makes rape jokes, he figures out how to get info on the eye while high out of his mind, he speaks like 10 languages, he listens to Nina Simone, he uses people's inherent fear of the dead to buy himself time, he finds the perfect story within the dead to cause a rift, he tells Luther TO HIS FACE that he doesn't care if the world ends. Klaus is a fascinating study in queer trauma, and robbing him of these traits is a complete disservice to yourself AND the character.
I say this often about fanon!Klaus, but WHO IS THIS??? Like…. Okay, if I gave you this list and you didn't know it was about Klaus, would you think it was? I think he's literally unrecognizable. He's not any of the things I know or love about Klaus. He's nobody to me, except a nuisance wearing the same skin suit and clogging the tags. He is also, weirdly, the most popular character in the entire fandom. I wanna think about why, and I have 3 theories that I think can all be true separately or simultaneously instance to instance.
First, fanon!Klaus exists because of internalized homophobia, classism, and anti-addict rhetoric. I think that on some level people don't believe addicts, feminine queer men, or homeless people are capable of intelligence. I think people see Klaus's canonical positive traits and they sort of throw them out the window because they don't make sense with their world view. A queer addict is a helpless tragedy, and he's someone that needs rescuing by Kind Strong Dave. A queer addict can't be smart, because then he wouldn't be an addict. A queer addict can't be wily, or interesting, because then he wouldn't be an addict. Fandom sees a feminine queer mlm and knows he should be in a sparkly bubblegum pink skirt, and saying "dahling" or "wig" or whatever else all the time. They know he should be bashful and submissive and always falling into the arms of Kind Strong Dave who protects him from Evil. They also know he should really, really like Britney Spears, and not give a shit about Nina Simone.
Second, fanon!Klaus exists because people want to excuse negative behavior in their favorite characters. Klaus is selfish and mean and apathetic. He just is. These are flaws that haunt him, and define a lot of his interactions. These are, also, pretty tough flaws to excuse (which… Hey…. I have a solution for that). I think that fanon Klaus, who just doesn't GET that he's being mean, and is too stupid not to become an addict (I don't think addiction is a flaw, but I do think that addiction plays into this), and is too out of touch and childish to understand that he shouldn't just fucking leave, comes from a place of wanting Klaus to be a good person who does good things. I'm sorry, but he isn't. Not always. I think the impulse to make him constantly sweet and constantly stupid comes from wanting Klaus's actions to be fundamentally excusable. He can't help it! He's just too much of a useless twink to know that it's bad to lie! (also, side note, fanon!Ben comes from this side of fanon!Klaus. In canon, Klaus is self destructing on purpose and Ben's presence helps…. Maybe, possibly, twice. In fanon, Klaus is just stupid and he needs a babysitter and that is Ben, the motiveless, endlessly loving but Exhausted braincell holder. This is fucked up on many levels. Ben is an asshole, and we all need to get used to that idea quick).
The third and final reason is that fanon!Klaus is… More fun, in the traditional sense of the word. Fanon!Klaus seems like he comes from a very emotional romcom or sitcom or something. He's like a barbie. He's fun to play dress-up with. He's fun to make incorrect quotes about. He's fun to write about, especially when it's about his siblings herding him or coddling him. Good ol' useless, loveable Klaus. I think this is partially because Klaus is a pretty fucking heavy character. He's a traumatized homeless queer drug addict, and that's sort of hard to make jokey fandom content about. Not impossible, I don't think, but not easy. This isn't to say that angsty fandom content isn't guilty of fanon!Klaus, though. It absolutely is. Often when Klaus willingly shares his feelings, or cries in front of someone, or asks for help for something more intense than tying him to a chair, it's fanon!Klaus. Hell, any time he GETS rescued it's teetering into that territory. He's still completely devoid of all of the grit and intrigue of canon, but he's fun to write about, and fun to project onto, and fun to rescue. He's also EASIER to write. People know that Klaus is a funny character, they know they laugh when he's on screen, but it is WAY harder to write a character you're laughing with than it is to write a character you're laughing at. It's WAY easier to write a character who moves your angst plot on by asking for help, or necessitating rescuing, than it is to work out how these things would happen without initiation. I get it, and in spite of the length of this, I don't think it's the end of the world.
I guess as I close this out, I would remind everyone that Klaus is smart, and mean, and over 30 years old. He's not a babe in the woods, or a damsel in distress, or a useless silly junkie twink. I promise that the real Klaus is worth the time and effort it takes to engage with him.
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lunar-lair · 3 years ago
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brb thinking thinking thinking thinking thinking
i just. man raz really is 10? and he really went through a lot of shit?? and were very right that hes hiding shit bc holy shit he was Way too composed in pn2??? and its Owie that hes hiding stuff and says something about how little everyone payed attention to him, maybe, or how chronic his Middle Kid Syndrome is, or how well hes become at keeping things because of that or because of his empathy and how badly he doesnt want to make anyone else feel sad or guilty even though keeping things only makes it worse but hes 10 he doesnt know that and even if he does its still automatic i know that i do the same thing. like hes definitely hiding stuff and that really really hurts because hes 10 but i did the same at 10 what can i say? express yourself freely? feel like youre purposefully hurting people? its not that easy. some people find it hard to not say whats going on.
we dont.
thats why its amazing he asks for help when he does. thats why its unsurprising that he bottles things up, keeps his chin up, and most of all, that he just tucks his anger away; i bet you hes convinced himself hes being selfish, that he doesnt deserve to be angry, that it would be better if he didnt express that.
anyways this went rlly off the rails sorry i just. thinks about raz and him hiding things and how it hurts but makes sense and why it makes sense people might not have noticed
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bubbleteaa · 5 years ago
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Break her heart [Miya Atsumu x Reader]
Part I | Part II | Part III
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break her heart;; pairing: miya atsumu x reader [college!au] fandom: haikyuu!! warnings: angst. swearing. suggestive themes word count: 3.6Kish
a/n: Istg that this was a rollercoaster, bc i love so much tsumu but samu is the superior miya ok:c sorry, i have a favourite. n weez, i’m thinking in doing a second part! Hope you enjoy this! :c sorry for the angst babies
Summary: Atsumu breaks your heart.
┅┅┅┅┅┅┅༻❁༺┅┅┅┅┅┅┅
He met you two years ago.
You were in a lot of classes with him, except for calculus. “Ah yes, L/N-san does not give calculation, because of her score on the entrance exam and in the courses before the semester began, they exempted her. She is very smart” that was what they said. And he was curious. Were you that good?
The first time he talked about you, was to demonstrate that he could have all the girls without exception at his feet.
"Atsumu, I heard they said you were a total heartbreaker," they told him exactly those words "You have all the girls behind you, right?"
"I don't pay attention to any. It is one night and that's it. If it is very good, we may become recurring, but not so far. It doesn't bother me anyway, I have plenty to choose from" Atsumu knew what he was saying and he was not lying about it, it was the mere truth. The other boys who were with him began to laugh and the blond frowned a little "What's so funny?"
"Well, you don't exactly have all the girls behind you," then one of his classmates spoke up. Miya frowned and asked who "L/N-san"
"The I-know-it-all girl?" they burst out laughing "I don't like wasting my time"
"Ah, but Y/N-chan is very cute"
"And?"
"I'm sure you couldn't make her fall for you, Miya" they replied with a smile on her face "It's impossible to have all the girls at your feet"
"Oh yeah?" the challenging tone that came out of Atsumu's mouth made the others laugh again.
"You say you can?" was what they replied, challenging Tsumu.
"Sure. It is easy."
❥•°❀°•༢
"If it's not yours, don't take it"
The flickering lights in the club seemed to smile at him. He smelled drunk and his ears were vibrating with the catchiest songs of the moment. He shifted through the crowd while holding a red glass filled to the brim with alcohol. His steps were steady but his mind was spinning. The bitter taste of the ridiculously expensive drink still stung on his tongue and his throat burned like hell. His eyes met a figure he did not distinguish, but he was sure he had seen somewhere. Without thinking, he walked towards the person, his eyelids heavy and smiling with great energy.
He had only one purpose in approaching her. He just wanted one thing.
They were at the chorus of the song when his lips connected to the girl. They tasted like mint with vodka. Her mouth cavity was cold, it tasted like sin, craving. Atsumu groaned before separating and finishing his drink, releasing the glass to continue caressing the woman. She laughed as she tangled her fingers in his dyed hair. The setter's hands were placed on the girl's hips, stamping her against the wall that was a few meters from them.
And the truth was, Atsumu did know who the girl was. She was the girlfriend of one of her teammates. He didn't even know her name, he just knew that sometimes she would send him seductive looks at college games and that she was too good to ignore her. Was what he was doing right? Of course not. Atsumu made mistakes but did not regret them. Atsumu deceived others, but it is a world where you deceive or deceive you. Sometimes you go unnoticed and other times you are the big shot. As simple as that.
In his head, he could only think of how the situation went from being cold kisses to groping to a melting ice cube for the summer. Now they were in the cubicle of the men's room. The body of the young woman stuck to him, connected by sweat, by unfaithful kisses, by flavors of whiskey with deceit. With his thoughts found in a numb state, he didn't even notice when he entered her.
I was just horny, he thought. He just wanted to satiate the horny state he was in and didn't think exactly who. Well, he did. With someone who also wanted to be with him. But that someone did not belong to him, and it was not as if he knew him, it was just a carnal deception on his part; but for the other person, it reached all kinds of state. Selfishness, hatred, jealousy. Maybe it was those emotions talking. Perhaps it was the thought that he didn't need someone else and that he had Miya wrapped around his finger.
But boy, was he so wrong.
After that, they were both a mess gasping, trying to get a breath, trying to process what they had done.
"Don't you have a girlfriend, Miya?" Those were the words that came out of the girl's mouth. No, it wasn't like he was in a relationship with you. What's more, what were you? What were you to him? You weren't interested in him and still, everyone assumed you both were together "L/N-san, right?" 
L/N. His L/N. It was stupid to claim it as his property when there was no title for what you were. You were just a girl who was always there for him and he took advantage of your feelings for him. Did he need a favor? He knew you could do it for him. Did he need a place to stay for the night? He knew you would even offer him your bed if he was very tired. Did he need to vent his anger and frustrations with someone? You were there. Did he need love? You were already holding his hand without being asked.
But he never thought those were signs of a love relationship without being in a relationship. He only remembered you for being someone who would always be there for him and with him. He just saw you as an escape. From others and himself.
But no more than that.
"We are nothing. You do not have a boyfriend?" The setter was released in a playful tone. Almost as if he was mocking the girl's actions. She was silent and averted her gaze “Ah, nervous, embarrassed? A few minutes ago you were not ”
"This was a mistake," he said after processing on the girl's situation. He was sorry. Sure. She wanted Miya, but she didn't want to have him. She just wanted to give him a taste. And she regretted it "Do not tell anyone about what happened today"
"It's not like I'm interested anyway" he shrugged his shoulders and smiled "I wasn't unfaithful to anyone after all"
And in part he was right.
But he was partly lying.
They both fixed their clothes before leaving the bathroom. Atsumu immediately felt a fist collide with his cheek.
And then he felt another blow.
And another.
"What the fuck, man!?" Atsumu received one in the stomach but he managed to defend himself. He stared with her brown eyes at the attacker. Ah, it was the partner of the girl, the same boyfriend of the girl he had just fucked.
❥•°❀°•༢
"If it is not right, then do not do it"
Atsumu pulled out his cell phone while wiping the blood from his lip. He took the shit out of him. But he deserved it, deep down he knew he deserved it. He was close to the university dormitory complex. Every step was numb with pain.
He dialed the phone number. The first marked lost. The second one too. He roared angrily and tried one last time.
"Tsumu?" your voice was numb. Atsumu tried to suppress the gasp of pain "Are you alright? It's 3 in the morning"
"Can you open your apartment door for me?"
It was sad, to tell the truth. He and Osamu had not been to the same university and there was no one to take care of the stupid mess Atsumu created every time he walked somewhere or to someone. 
So Y/N was also his for that. So she could clean up his messes. So that she could advise him and take care of him. To have the warmth and personal and sympathetic affection that he missed.
But he was just using her, after all.
"Uh, yeah. You're good? You sound dejected,” you asked with notable concern. Your voice was so soft and loving even when the Miya seemed to have interrupted your sleep. He smiled at your words and let out a sigh.
"I just fought with an idiot. Nothing new"
"What? Are you hurt? Did they hurt you? Do you need me to look for the medkit? Where are you?" God Tsumu, do you need me to pick you up?”
For a moment, Atsumu felt guilty. But it was a moment that lasted years in his head. Your soft voice changed dramatically and now it was racing, almost desperate and breaking as you spoke. Why did you care so much about him? At this point, he didn't even remember how he had finished most of his university experience in your apartment or next to you. He only remembered the times when he had already put you in the same situation, where you were on the verge of crying for his problems.
How you unconsciously told him how hopelessly in love you were with him.
"Shh, I'm fine, doll. I'm almost here, just leave the door open"
"Does it hurt somewhere specific?" your voice seemed to hang by a thread as you asked him. Miya sighed with some pain.
"They hit me in the face and stomach"
He heard how you made a sound similar to a complaint holding back the crying. You were angry and worried. And you had every right to be. Atsumu slightly opened his eyes when you let out a broken sigh to start crying.
"Atsumu, what did you do to get hit?"
What did I do? Nor did he know what he did. He had gotten drunk, had danced with different girls. He had slept with one who was the girlfriend of one of his teammates. Then the boy found out. Atsumu hurt his ego and well, they ended up giving him the beating of the year. And everything, why? Did he really have a reason to do all that? Did his actions make sense?
"I…"
He didn't know what to say, he just kept walking while he got to your apartment.
Even before he could tell her and knock on the door, Y / N already had the door open and the cell phone against her ear. When she looked at him, she felt her heart break into a thousand pieces. His lip was cut and his hair was all messed up, he seemed to move with some difficulty and his face was screaming drunk everywhere.
Atsumu always broke her heart, and she always tried to repair his.
Miya hung up the call so he could get closer to her. The difference in size was noticeable, but not that did not prevent the blonde from collapsing in the arms of the eyed-e/c. Y/N dropped her cell phone and hugged him carefully, tried to keep her balance, but Miya was too heavy, the moment her body collided with the girl's figure, she couldn't avoid two steps back, about to fall.
But she was able to hold it, like all the times he broke into L/N's delicate and soft arms.
Miya's strong arms wrapped around Y/N, pressing her against him, wanting to feel her fragrance closer and closer to him. He held her tightly, but not as tightly as he desire. He just wanted to hold onto her. What she broadcast to him. To the feeling of love.
He wanted to be wanted, not just carnally.
He wanted to feel loved.
"Atsumu?"
He wanted to be from someone.
He wanted to be yours.
The words that came out of her strawberry lips intoxicated him. The way his name sounded in her voice was angelic. The way he stroked her hair, her fingers wrapped in the dyed blonde strands. The way her body trembled from the weight he held on her.
Oh he remembered. He remembered why he did everything he did.
"I need you"
He looked at her eyes. Damn, those color e/c eyes. Those eyes that made him confuse not once, not twice, but thousands of times. Atsumu awkwardly entered the apartment with her. Y/ Nhad her heart leaking out of her mouth.
Miya Atsumu had never said those words to her.
He had never acted like this, had never needed her before. They were just friends. Well, she loved him with all her might and had always been willing to be there for him, no matter the time, distance, or place. But, they were just friends, after all.
His fingers dug into the girl's h/c strands. His face came dangerously close to hers and their breaths collided. Oh Y/N could feel the alcohol emanating from him and it was impossible not to smell it, the nervous eyes of L/N met the brown eyes of Miya, he just looked at her with hunger, with desire, needy. "Atsu?" your voice trembled like a little bird just hatched. "Atsu, you have your lips all cut-" Atsumu smiled before colliding his lips with yours.
So soft. So cute. So, mine.
He held your figure firmly while desecrating your mouth with need. The metallic taste of blood mixed in the first kiss they shared. There were groans from you, trying to keep up with him. Your hands met his neck and you held on to him.
What remained of the night passed into the room.
❥•°❀°•༢
The hangover the next morning was killing him. His head looked like a pool table, and every hit they hit the balls echoed in his brain. He growled angrily as he stroked his temples. The heat of the summer and the rays of the sun seeped through the window of the room. Atsumu blinked to find a smaller figure beside him. A figure he knew. A figure that was always by his side.
Y/N.
Fuck. I have to get the fuck out of here.
Atsumu moved as delicately as he could, removing the blanket that covered them and rising with utmost silence, gathered up his clothes before putting them on. He turned a little to see L/N. Her hair was watered by the pillow and her expression looked so serene that it hurt Atsumu for a moment to leave her there. Alone.
It was just a fuck. Nothing more.
Her breathing became heavy before closing h eyes due to the horrible pain he felt in his body. The headache was throbbing while his abdomen and face felt like a punching bag. He groaned in pain, one loud enough for the girl to open her eyes full of concern.
"Atsu?" no, no, no, fuck. Atsumu didn't turn to see you, instead he grabbed the door handle "Do you need advil?" He could hear you getting out of bed and just closed his eyes tighter. He let out a weary, irritated sigh. "Let me help you, Tsumu. It’s okay” you hugged him from behind, placing your check against his back.
Just treat her like the others. Just break her heart.
"If it's not true, don't say it"
Atsumu grabbed both of your hands and pulled them away from his chest, turning his head slightly to meet your confused and worried gaze.
So tiny. So fragile. So mine…
"I’ll be clear Y/N. I was drunk, I needed a place to stay. Things got heat up and we fucked. That’s all. You don't mean anything more than just another fuck. And of course, you are my friend, that’s why I have to tell you that I don’t feel anything for you” his eyes were glued to hers, without blinking. He could see how the girl's gaze began to collapse and began to fill with sadness and despair. “If you thought that this would mean something, well, now you know that it doesn't. I need to go. Bye, see you around ”
"Don't go, Atsumu" you begged, holding his arm tightly, but your hands trembled with fear, with sadness "Please, don't go" your words dragged with fear as you continued to beg "Did it really mean nothing? You do not love me?"
"Damn, Y/N. No, you can't make me stay" he turned for the first time to meet your face, completely in front of you, you were fighting tears, you were trying to keep your voice from breaking while he kept rejecting you over and over again "I love you" he said softly "But not enough to stay,” he lied, again. He took your face in his hands and felt how your cheeks began to redden and how the tears came out of your eyes and collided with his fingers “What happened yesterday should not have happened. It was a mistake, I was very drunk and you were very sensitive "
"Am I not enough?"
"No" stopped immediately, Atsumu, don't do it like this "I really have to go, Y/N. Let go of me" he sighed again, you tightened your grip, refusing to believe him "Y / N, now, let go of me "wiped your tears as he stared at you" Please "
"All was a lie?" you dared to ask, and immediately a lump formed in your throat.
"What do you mean by all?"
“Us”
"There was never a us. We were never more than teammates, more than friends. If you ever felt like I wanted to be with you, I'm sorry. It is not like this. I repeat it to you again, because apparently you don't understand it” he made you look at him while he brought his face close to yours “I don't feel anything for you, Y/N”
"Atsumu, why ..."
"Y/N!" your eyes filled with terror, he had never raised his voice at you "Stop asking meaningless questions! Is it so difficult for you to understand that I played with you? It was all a damn game!" The boy's head kept pounding from the hangover. Your eyes went to him with a look he had never shown before, disappointment. 
Disappointed in him or in yourself?
"Everything?" your voice was almost inaudible at those points in the conversation.
"Everything, Y/N. All kisses on the forehead, all holding hands, all the walks to your apartment. All those "study dates" that I asked you for. All those movie nights. All the damn sleepovers. All the words I told you that surely excited you. Everything. You were so damn naive. It was so easy and simple. It was all to show others that you could fall at my feet like all the others”
What the fuck are you saying, Atsumu? Stop.
"All the others...?"
"My God, Y/N. To be so smart you have a hard time understanding some things” he smiled with some anger “Yes, Y/N. Like all the others. Like all the ones I fucked with”
Atsumu couldn't hear your heart, but he knew it was already more than broken. He knew he was ruining everything. Everything he had accomplished with you.
It was no longer simply showing that you could fall in love with him. It was no longer that.
It was to show you that he had fallen in love with you, too. But he couldn't say it, he refused to believe it. He refused to break his heart in the process of breaking yours. He had always been selfish, always. Why was it bothering him now? Was he doing the right thing?
You pushed him away from him and started crying uncontrollably. The way your body trembled and your crying intensified as the seconds ticked by was driving him mad, it was hurting him. He stroked her temples again, the headache was growing little by little.
"If you don't know, shut up"
“Don't do anything stupid because of what I did or said. I don't love you as you love me, but that shouldn't break our friendship. So calm down, drink some water and you're done. It’s not that bad”
You didn't answer him for the first time in the morning.
And he left you in there, broken. He knew, he knew what he did. He always lied to you. He knew that he broke your heart so many times and in so many ways.
 When he reached the door of the apartment he could hear your whining accompanied by beatings to what he supposed was your wall and he sighed again, opened the door, and left.
❥•°❀°•༢
Memories of last night appeared on his head while he drank from the whiskey bottle.
"I love you" he murmured in your ear the night before, his strong arms covered your little figure "I love you so damn much, you are mine" he kissed your lips softly before looking into your eyes, "Say it, say that you are mine”
“I’m yours, Atsumu” your voice saying those words were heaven and hell “I love you more” the little smile that crept all over your face was intoxicating, he kissed you again.
“Never forget how much I love you, my angel” I kissed your head before wrapping his arms all over your body “Not even if I fucked up, not even if I lied to you. Not even if I broke you into pieces, please remember that I love you more than I can say, please, Y/N. Please"
You smiled and kissed his cheek.
"Okay. Don’t forget that I’ll always be by your side, you dummy”
"Even if I break your heart?"
"Even if you break my heart"
He smiled again and pressed a sincere kiss on your lips "I'll try to not break your heart, anyway"
"I'll try not to hate you if you do it anyway, then" and both of you laughed.
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nvrissa · 6 years ago
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hello laid ease and furries ( u know who u are )......hahaha....are u ready for this ? zimzalabim ! my name is xan ( she/her pronouns ) and my laptop has been broken for a good 3 years now i have to use an onscreen keyboard so if u see me typing for 20000 years on discord only to send u a single sentence u know whats up x JSDBJWBJW here is the intro....im really winging this no one call me out for that WOOO....tw: medication, mental health, body image ? perhaps just to be safe <3
ok ! so im not gonna talk too much abt family stuff bc yuno and i are doing the collab of the century here and art takes time people ! JSBDJBWDJW but so u get a good idea...i will write a little abt it lets get it 
so the kwons were two of the biggest faces in hollywood ( and tbh they are still considered icons / hollywood royalty no matter how old they get they stay #Relevant ) think bradgelina ! literally everyone knows who the kwons if u dont u probably live under a rock /: 
their parents are very into the fame thing...so when it came to their kids ( nari and wolfe ) they SUPER pushed the famous life onto them, really expecting both of them to be just as obsessed and enamored by the public. idk if u guys ever say that vid of gigi and bella hadid before they were huge were their mom was pressuring them both to get into modeling and to stay skinny and to be stars etc....it was kinda like that !
so narissa, being the first born, really just internalized that shit...like imagine being told ever since u were a baby that fame and status and ur last name are wildly important and not being able to remember a time when u werent being watched by cameras / a third party ( the public ) bc that was her life ! nari has....no experience as to what life is like without cameras and without having to create this image of herself that ppl are gonna be into 
obviously that’s NOT normal....and it had it’s toll on her /: as a kid she grew up so fast like u know those kids that seem so mature and wise for their age ? that was nari. she always had two versions of herself: inside nari vs outside nari. she was so good at being good just bc she knew what stuff to express and what stuff to keep inside ( spoiler alert: most of it was kept in x )  
she is still very much desperate to please her parents despite it all /: i feel like for a long time she kinda excepted and agreed that fame is everything ( hence why shes known for using her last name to get her places ) but shes starting to realize just how FUCKED it all is and just how much it’s messed her up so stay tuned for more fun !
ok so career stuff ! nari started off as a child model bc she was um super cute and super good at knowing what to do / not freaking out in front of cameras <3 but she was always obsessed with actors ! she used to sit in front of the tv for hours legit study and memorize ppls mannerisms and various movie lines.. she was literally always just quoting random lines / imitating various actors so often her parents were like ok word go act !    
she landed her first role at 12 and it was a pretty huge role as a lead chara in a mini television series that revolved around a cast of kids ( think stranger things but not plot wise just how some of the mains were kids ) with zero acting experience before hand ... so it was pretty clear to the media nari got the spot bc she was a kwon ! there was a bunch of controversy around the show before it came out but once it was released...there was no denying nari had talent
after that it was just a whirlwind of acting doors opening up for her. everyone wanted nari bc of her last name and all the attention that came from it, not to mention every director wanted to be The One that helped narissa kwon become one of the most famous actresses of the 21st century. most of the time she was getting cast for selfish reasons but nari never realized it /: she was just happy to be acting bc it really was like therapy for her to become different ppl
flash forward to age 15 when narissa was finally diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and was prescribed meds to help ! it was actually a director from a movie she was working on that suggested to her parents nari might be struggling after witnessing her have a panic attack on set. not wanting a scandal, her parents agreed it was best to get her “help” which included pills and weekly therapy ! 
so nari actually didnt mind it too much tbh she HAD been struggling for a while she just assumed her anxiety was normal and just like something all famous ppl were dealing with but that wasnt the case. she was hesitant to open up to her therapist just bc she was still obsessed with this idea of inside nari vs outside nari, and she was very scared to cross that line so it took....years of sessions to build up that trust
as she got older though and as she got more famous, everyone just assumed she was better. she was more famous and loved by the day, she had become a chanel ambassador ( thank u jennie x ), her interviews on youtube always brought in record views, she’d started in plenty of movies critics agreed would become cult classics, her social medias were nearing kardashian level in terms of followers: everything was on track....
....except nari had actually never been more unstable. she had become so dependent on her meds she couldnt go anywhere or talk to anyone without popping a few in. all the watching eyes were starting to make her paranoid, not to mention the pressure from her parents ( who couldn’t be happier with nari being so famous ) was at its all time high. she had been nominated for an oscar at 21 and everyone was expecting her to win...and then she didnt
narissa kwon famously fainted at the 2018 oscars after it was announced she had lost the award. her actual fainting wasnt caught on camera or televised, but it WAS witnessed by some of the most relevant names and faces in hollywood who were in that room. the scandal took the media by storm, the hashtag #getwellnarissa trending for over 42 hours until a statement was released she had fainted bc of dehydration and other undisclosed causes and that she was okay & currently taking it easy at home surrounded by family 
in reality it was the abuse of her medication as well as all the stress, but when your last name is kwon manipulating the press is as simple as making the right phone call. unfortunately for nari and her parents, the article about the brat pack came out a week later, and there was no manipulating that source /:
for narissa, it was all a wake up call. she decided to go off her anxiety meds altogether. after falling out with the brat pack she spent that year trying to figure out who she was separate from her fame and her last name. despite some offers from a few casting directors ( surprisingly some people still wanted her despite the scandals bc she was still a kwon, after all ) narissa rejected every role except one in a coming of age indie movie that explores womanhood and mental health as well as strained relationships with mothers. the movie is set to release sometime mid august hehe (~:
she agreed to come to milan to reunite with the brat pack bc she’s still searching for herself ! nari figures the people who quite literally grew up with her might give her some answers......not to mention there is still a part of her who is desperate to reclaim the image and status she had before everything fell apart </3    
PERSONALITY/TIDBITS
narissa is....complicated to say the least. growing up in front of the cameras and in a family who prioritized fame and outside opinions of you as the most important thing, she is quite literally desperate for praise and approval. because she legit has no idea what parts of her are real and what parts of her she’s created for her public persona, she often looks for understanding in others!! shes very very good at analyzing people and understanding people in the hopes that its gonna make her better at analyzing herself, but to no avail. 
libra sun capricorn moon !! THIS is super accurate and telling if u wanna read but i kinda just summarized it in the last bullet
she is such a perfectionist with everything she does and a bit of a control freak in the sense that if she’s not the one doing something, she doesnt have faith whatever that is will be able to live up to her unrealistic standards. directors are often concerted with nari bc whenever she gets big roles.....she is so hard on herself, often asking for take after take bc she monitors every little thing abt her expression or her movements. she’s often left frustrated and disappointed with herself bc again, her standards are SUPER unrealistic ):
she’s relatively sweet!! growing up with the brat pack they probably knew her as the life of the party, very bubbly, confident, and very easy to have fun with as long as you’re being tolerable. however, she can get kind of opinionated at times so it’s very hard for you to gain her trust and respect back if you lose it. she’s also prone to random mood swings / periods of isolation, but whenever she returns its with a big smile and a soft voice assuring you everything is okay 
very good at lying and deceiving ppl but she hardly ever does it on purpose ( unless her publicists asks her too ). she’s carried this persona / public image of herself curated for consumption from others for so long, sometimes she has no idea when she’s being sincere or if she’s just convincing herself she’s being sincere. most of the time she only deceives other people about herself. she can come across as kind of elusive because of this ( think daisy from gatsby’s perspective ) but it’s not on purpose. she just legit has no true sense of self isnt that sexy?
speaking of sex. JWDBJWBDJWBD she also uses that as a coping mechanism / a weird affirmation that yes, she IS wanted by others and yes she IS seen as someone beautiful and that she IS something to be consumed by others ( like i said in my tags....male fantasies male fantasies ) but then at the same time she feels guilty abt this and so unsatisfied and disgusted at how she’s living her life as an object / manifestation of other people’s projections rather than as a normal person...rip </3 its a cycle
ever since her relationship with micah that was so hated by the public it actually ruined and ended their relationship, nari has been too scared to publicly have a relationship again. the media seems to love seeing her on casual dates with other stars, but not to see her tied down to one person, as that kind of “damages” this super accessible persona she’s put out ( think idols and why they cant date )  
she loves poetry, french music, all of marilyn monroe and audrey hepburn’s movies, nonfiction essays abt womanhood and identity, anything chanel, is particularly fond of silk dresses but is partial to velvet as well, wears lacy bralettes under everything bc it makes her a little more confident, actually prefers large parties to small ones because small gatherings are more personal therefore give her more anxiety, would only eat fruit and drink champagne if she could live like that, doesn’t know how to swim so she’s scared of the ocean as well as the dark, used to study ballet as a kid and misses it terribly, doesn’t know how to drive and isn’t planning to learn, can be materialistic at times, is probably an introvert masquerading as an extrovert for 22 years now, the only movies she cant stand are westerns, loves to travel but is scared of flying, doesn’t drink coffee, and is allergic to nuts. 
last but most important fact about narissa is that she loves her brother wolfe more than anything in this world so messing with him is the only way nari is bound to 100% hate you. she can bully him all she wants ( ex. starting very real rumors he IS in fact a furry ) but no one else is aloud to actually be mean to him or she will kill you
also very random but i had a hc that when she was 6 and her pet cat jinx died she caused enough fuss at home her parents actually made it a national holiday in about thirteen different states. the anniversary of this death is december 4th and yes . the brat pack better mourn jinx with nari every year......
pls spare plots im sorry this is so long.....JBDJBWJDBWJBWDJBJ i promise it will be worth it also im sensitive and very small ... how can u say no ? 
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lets-talk-nonstop · 6 years ago
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WHY SAKURA IS NOT USELESS I STILL CANT BELIEVE WE ARE STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS
let’s talk about the all mighty queen Sakura Haruno. 
it is the year 2019 i sit with my family. we talk of the good ol days. Playing sonic watching Naruto.
“My favorite character is Sakura”! I say l
“But she’s useless?”
She’s useless..and I hear this all the time oh she’s useless all she does is cry. But I think to myself have we read/watched the same thing? People say Sakura only got good in Shippuden, and I use to agree with that to. But it has been years and I of course have rethought that opinion. Sakura has never ever been useless and let’s discuss why.
Let’s start from the beginning a 12 year old girl from a civilian family becoming a ninja. No bloodline limit, no special family moves, no unique ninjitsu,taijutsu or genjustu(of course she gets skills unique to her later on). but a totally average girl with crush. I remember a lot of “Sakura is so annoying” expecting a 12 year girl to act like an adult lmao. of course Sakura has done some things that can be quite questionable mostly due in part to the writing. But she is just an average girl, she is a child. She gets annoyed,she can be obnoxious and immature but it seems like people glance over her compassion and determination.
Let’s go way back even more before the beginning of the show. a young bullied girl who became friends with Ino. To me this friendship was the start of what Sakura always wanted to be, a strong confident girl. And people need to understand that she did not become a ninja for Sasuke in any way her crush came later on. Ino is someone she looks up to. Ino who told her not to hide her forehead and to proudly display even giving her a headband to push back her bangs. Sakura eventually feels like shes in Inos shadow, she wanted to be Ino’s equal. The crushes they both had on Sasuke brings a wedge into their relationship but it wasn't everything. Ultimately their rivalry was to be better than the other, to grow. 
I think Sakura in general was the most emotionally mature pre teen I’ve ever seen, and as the show went on she only got better and better. Her inner voice was something i loved about her, and it showed that she did pay attention to how others viewed her and how that can shape the opinions of others. She still held on to insecurities as any kid would. The only reason she would feel unconfident to state her opinions was because other people would put her down. She wouldn’t do things unless other people did them first. She didn't have a good support system other than Ino and her parents whom were not ninja themselves so were not able to really understand that part of her life. As much as I love kakashi he payed more attention to the boys and thats just that, the team was made to keep a closer eye on Sasuke in general. She did not think much of her self surely other people’s opinions must be better. I think at first she wanted to be a ninja to prove to others and her self that she could be strong. It was more for herself a bit selfish but I found that part her more interesting than any other goals her peers had because most of her classmates had expectations as clan leaders other than Sasuke and Naruto.  But as many arcs happen she realizes how fucked up the ninja world actually is.
On their first mission she does not hesitate in protecting Tazuna even if she knows she can’t handle those two ninja. she’s the first to learn to tree climbing, amazing chakra control. Even that small scene of her giving a child food because who knows when he’ll have his next meal. She empathizes and that’s something that struck me about her bc in the show so far there was a lack of that(other than with Naruto). To me she is the glue and heart to team 7 because let’s face it if she wasn’t there most of it would have fallen apart.
The chunin exams Was the moment she got to truly shine. My girl took that test without a sweat when most people in that room came from ninja families and needed to cheat their way out. Not saying that that’s wrong that was the whole point of the test but she didn’t need to she was just that smart. And she uses the things she learns WELL. she is a genius on the battle field she is a quick thinker and comes up with brilliant plans even if she’s pushed to her end. Lets not forget the part that everyone remembers the most iconic moment where she cuts her own hair. She grew out her hair because she heard a rumor that Sasuke liked girls with long hair, and she cut it. That whole arc Sakura showed so much mental strength with everything going on. Naruto being passed out, Sasuke getting the curse mark, being constantly on edge, surrounded by plenty of dangerous people Attacking teams for fun. But she took charge and took care of her teammates even if she was weaker than anyone else she didn't care. Her fight with Ino one of my favorites from the Exams in general. She makes it clear that this fight wont be about Sasuke which people for some reason seem to forget!!  Ino doesn't expect Sakura to even be a match to her and she fights with Equal fever and manages to break out of Inos mind jutsu. If you call her useless after that then idk what you’re watching at this point. That whole arc was just loving Sakura hours.
Getting towards the end of the first part of Naruto, Sakura realizes that she cannot get by merely with book smarts. Not downplay her already very honed skills. It would be a crime to not mention how she notices things (like the genjustu during the chunin attack) extremely quickly with not a lot of prior experience. The tension is rising for her teammates and Sasuke leaves.  Even after all that Sakura picks her self up and vows to become stronger. She trains under Tsunade. Shippuden is filled with many more gems on Sakuras part. This is already very long so I’ll keep this short to name a few.
-Her fight with Sasori an Akatsuki member.(she was 15)                                        -Taking the poison out of kankuro when no one else could.                                   - Inner Sakura only makes an appearance once in Shippuden which shows she is much more confident in stating her opinions and reacting more freely.              - Feels extremely guilty about Naruto putting his life on the line for her. Tries to confront Sasuke to deal with him herself so Naruto Doesn’t have to. Even if that was the man she has loved her whole life.                                                             -Healed Karin  an enemy                                                                                       -Became one of the leading members of the war ( at this point I definitely believe she had already surpassed Tsunade)                                                          -Noticed that Neji was not actually Neji in like literally under a minute                   - Mass healing                                                                                                         -Physically pumping Narutos heart like holy shit.                                                     - Saving Sasuke with he remaining of her chakra                                                  -Strength of hundred seal                                                                                      - PUNCHED A GOD IN THE FACE                                                                        -RAISED A CHILD ALONE                                                                                      -OPENED A CLINIC FOR CHILDREN’S MENTAL HEALTH AFTER THE WAR, AND GOES TO SUNA TO HELP START THEIR OWN METAL HEALTH CLINIC
ALL BEFORE THE START OF EVEN BORUTO, AND HOW MUCH SHE HAS DONE IN THAT STORY ALREADY.
SAKURA HAS NEVER BEEN USELESS. PEOPLE THINK SO BC SHE CARES.
Ninja aren’t suppose to show emotion but fuck that noise Sakura will always be compassionate, helpful, and dedicated, and you can’t stop her. People call her useless bc she wasn't as flashy as the boys and held onto that nonsense thought since the beginning. If it wasn't for her thousands of people would be dead, Including plenty of main characters like Natuto, Karin, and Hinata to name a few. Give her the credit she deserves and stop calling her useless bc she was 12 and was taught basic ninja skills. 
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persona-rrau · 6 years ago
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Is the shuake ending really a bad ending? I guess it is in the sense that Minato dies for it to happen, but it seems to settle a lot of things in the story and everyone's relationships better than your original pegokita storyline now because a lot of things come to light in Akira's and Akechi's perspectives. I don't think I would consider it a bad ending at this point when Minato takes on a similar sacrificial role that he's known for in canon. It all just fits into place imo.
TNT: Original pegokita storyline? I don’t think I’ve outlined my original ending yet? Or even talked about it (Akechi’s end)? I’ve kept quiet because I’m in the process of outlining a huge Akechi-centric post that tells you exactly what steps he took to become retainer, and what led him to betray Minato in the end. 
Straylize’s end and mine aren’t the same (Our Akechis are completely different). I give a lot of thought to alternate routes because I find it entertaining to think of what the outcome would have been if things played out a little differently.So, when you say “it fits into place” I’m happy it does, because that was the intention. 
I wrote the shuake end wanting to explore Akechi more as a morally gray character, because in this particular AU, both Akechi and Akira have killed people. Just not for the same reasons. So, in a way, they can reach a resolution based on their similarities. Akira could argue Akechi forced himself to kill for “no reason”, but Akechi could equally argue that Akira forced himself to kill for “no reason” because it would have been easier to “imprison” the guilty. He points out that Akira just didn’t “want” to because it would leave Minato vulnerable to another attack if those prisoners ever got out. These two arguments follow my canon as well and aren’t exclusive to the shuake bad end.
Though, I love that specific shuake end a lot because of the reasons you listed, anon. I write all my endings based on BIG DICK ENERGY (just based on what is a cool concept and what would make for a good alternative to play with outside of canon established story) and I love when things come full circle. It’s a bittersweet ending, in a way, but noncanon nonetheless. It’s still an alternate universe I’ll probably draw for/play with because of the potential between Akira and Akechi, and the grief that Akira and Akechi will go through because of Minato’s sacrifice.
It’s a bad ending because Akira and Akechi still feel unhappy with the turnout (Really, all endings that aren’t pegokita are kind of bad endings bc this is a pegokita au. Even an ending where Akira gets together with Hifumi and Minato gets together with Aegis would still be considered bad end. I think it’s just a ���catch all” tag at this point, even if the endings themselves aren’t necessarily “bad” in turnout). They don’t regret settling their differences but they’d have fought for/preferred a different ending if it were up to them. I love absolutely all bad endings, but this shuake one in particular is one of my favorites because of the way Akira and Akechi are forced into the roles that they thought were “easy to manage” and “if I was in their shoes, I’d do things differently” when it actually isn’t that simple.
The canon story I want to tell with Akechi is focused more on how unhinged and broken he becomes because of the shit he forces himself to do. However, in this universe, he isn’t exactly ‘forced’ to do anything like he is in canon (not that canon forced him, but he made a dumb choice, really. Here, he has time to opt out whenever by his own will because no one will step on him if he quits). It’s something he ‘wants’ to do- a choice. I want to give us what canon didn’t give us: Akechi, but a really cunning and downright terrifying antagonist. Becomes so warped and distorted you can’t help but to want him to succeed because of how motivated he is and how careful he is about achieving his goal. He works on it slowly in steps- breaks Minato down and renders Akira useless so progressively that no one suspects a thing. Also, Minato genuinely fucked up twice with Akechi in canon. Should have penalized him the first time he broke rules, but didn’t. Shouldn’t have made Akechi retainer (Minato broke tradition for selfish reasons- ie: Akira needs help, so to hell with tradition, I’m making Akechi second retainer) and Minato suffers because of his own actions, despite being manipulated into making Akechi second retainer (not that Minato was aware of it- but Akechi managed to persuade Minato to make him retainer). 
However, in this AU’s canon, if Akechi attacks Minato, it’s absolutely game over for him. 
Given how P5′s canon Akechi has nothing to lose and wants to be loved… he wouldn’t hesitate to exploit Minato if it granted him some lasting effect of love well after he’s gone. If Minato won’t give him what he wants, he’ll just have to take it by other means. Forge his own happiness. The Akechi in this au is so starved for attention that he fools himself while he’s trying to fool Minato- makes himself believe he can replace Akira completely and be Minato’s only retainer and special person. I’m trying hard not to go into detail about what it is, but I plan to make sure that people hate/love Akechi in au canon specifically because of how good he is at being an antagonist. Manages to fuck the whole system, driven by sheer pettiness, and become retainer (despite it never being possible before), covers his tracks so he can’t be framed for murders, sends Akira out on wild goose-chases by spreading rumors in town (because he knows Akira gets leads by rumors sometimes, and there’s NO WAY Akira would take the bait if it came out of his own mouth) so Akira spends more time away from Minato and leaves Akechi to work closely with Minato in his place, manipulates Minato by mimicking Akira’s mannerisms and habits to subconsciously make Minato feel safe in his presence, renders Akira useless by taking on more burdens as retainer, etc. All the while, Akira knows something is up with him, but he can’t figure out what because Akechi doesn’t give Akira room to catch him red-handed.
Akechi’s character is so versatile thanks to canon that I can practically pull him in either direction for either a bittersweet end, a good end, or a fucked up and truly bad end. Bittersweet end would be those shuakes, the good end would be the minakeshu where no one suffers and NO ONE DIES, and the truly fucked up one is where he embraces his antagonist role and becomes a menace to both Akira and Minato- so much that Minato suffers greatly in the end for making Akechi retainer, and Akechi suffers for crossing Minato greatly as well. 
Minato basically gave an unhinged person a huge deal of power. That has to come with some very dire consequences for him, given he’s a leader, and it’s his responsibility not to let his dick do the thinking.
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steponmepinkjun · 4 years ago
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ok replying to the last ask from the shortie convo: i have decided that the issue isn’t my unintimidating appearance nor any lack of badassery in my chart, i simply need to start snapping on bitches. no more making excuses just committing a straight up murder, verbally, or maybe i’ll just start swinging. who knows. i Could be giving off that energy you describing but i’m clearly not so it’s probably just that i’ve been holding myself back. fuck that, it’s been too chummy over here i’m gonna start summoning demons n shit. haunting people via the astral plane. going to their house and moving all their furniture an inch to the left so they bump into everything. swapping their lube and laundry detergent. stealing peoples bank account numbers. selling their organs online. fucking their mans. nt’s who wanna try me aboutta catch these HANDS! YALL WANTED TO SEE A SCORPIO YALL GON GET STUNG BITCHES
i’m definitely taking this ego boost and running w it tho. ur right tho us scorpios go hard. in theory i’m like “yeah i’m a p selfish person i always put myself over everyone else even those i care about” when in reality if someone even Breathes incorrectly at any of my like 4.5 people i’ve decided are My People they aboutta feel the wrath of a GOD. i just been cast away too many times to put in that energy for most people tbh it’s hard bc i’m an extrovert snd i Want lots of friends but i’m picky w em. if i find them boring they’re getting left on read. if their sense of humour doesn’t bounce off mine like a motherfucking bouncy castle that you can safely do a triple backflip on, i’m not having it. if they can’t take my roasts with their head held high they ain’t lasting long. this criteria narrows it down to just abt everyone who don’t want me, apparently, and some randos on the internet. LMFAO. then again i’ve had people i just thought were ok and not fun enough to stick around for, be the ones reaching out to me n put the effort in to be my friend and i just 🥺🥴🤩🥺🥺 i’m gonna roast them shitless but if anyone else says so much as a single hair on their head being off i am annihilating their entire bloodline down to the 9th generation. you best not go around telling ppl how soft we are on the inside tho hoe i do Not strap a switchblade to my thigh for people to find out about my romanticism or how i daydream abt just hanging out w my best friends n doing The most domestic and normal things just bc i want to spend more time w them, no, shhh. keep it on the down low. also aquarians tend to scare me in terms of genuine friendships bc y’all so flaky like aquas would tell me “i love u so much ur like my favourite person ever” then ghost my entire existence until i ask them for a tbh on their insta story and turns out they thought i was too much and their friends all hate me, like, i love yalls sense of humour but OUCH. u may projectile vomit at ur taurus moon but that’s like Exactly what u need to balance that shit out cause taurians to be ride or die. like yeah they’re arguably “lazy” by generalisation but that’s just bc their motivation is Extremely tunnel visioned towards whatever makes them happy and if that’s you you’re getting Showered in love n affection and attention and yall stubborn as a brick wall but loyal to a fault. us scorpios need thst shit bro we need that Stability taurians provide, esp since they’re so sturdy they tend to be able to handle our intensity well without being scared off. no taurus slander in this household will be tolerated unless it’s from me 😤😤😤 -felix bi anon
I'm tellliiiing you, you need to start smackin bitches. Cause I've met baby scorps that don't realize they literally are The Babe With The Power, and then full scorps who know that smackin tf out of someone is ONLY A PROBLEM to bitches who know they do shit they deserve to get slapped for 😂
I'm always honestly confused when people say Aquarians are cold or detached or unemotional ☹️because I genuinely don't get it 😭 like, we are some of the most emotional people on fuckin planet earth, to our own detriment—I think we just have an ego problem and we also tend to be extremely contrarian, so whenever someone thinks they know us or what we're about, we pull the rip cord because no one could EVAAAAA, and it's insulting that they think they could 😂 But I've always known Aquarians to be some of the most sensitive bitches, we just don't externalize it because our world is internal, we don't share w the world, we create our own. We are flakier than a fresh baked fuckin Popeyes biscuit tho, that is the gods honest truth. We will decide on the drive to ur place that we're no longer invested and just up and turn around and go back to bed without a word. I think what the outside world intercepts as being cold or aloof in Aquarians is actually just the fact that we really struggle with Casualness and take everything WAY too seriously and are extremely idealistic, and we're so used to being made fun of for being too serious or too passionate that we just like. Stop showing up mentally to a lot of spaces. Especially if what we're excited about is something other people find weird, we jsut go "okay I won't share joy with you anymore cause you're a bitch." I've also never known another Aquarian who doesn't feel an extremely strong sense of intuition, coupled with a really black and white thinking, that makes us quickly gauge how compatible someone's values etc are with ours and if we have an inkling it's not gonna work, we just dip. I'm totally guilty of thinking someone is my kindred spirit and then they say one thing that makes me feel differently and I just cut ties, cause I know that they won't change and I can't abide by our differences, so it feels like an insurmountable problem and we just shut it down and move on. We think too much about shit lmfao. My problem with Taurians has always been that, in my experience, they have this deep emotional capacity because they think of their life through the lense of classic film, so being the hopelessly devoted friend or the lovestruck ingenue is appealing to them for that reason, so they can picture their actions from a 3rd person pov and feel that the audience will react positively to their character. To people/signs that are internally motivated rather than externally, that can read as not being genuine, and that's been my large experience with taurus. I don't hate Taurians, I have a lot of them in my life, but the Taurus in my chart only exacerbates the natural dramatic nature i have and makes me unbearable a lot of the time lmfao. I'm idealistic enough as it is, my moon in taurus just makes me INSANELY emotional about romance and friendships to a degree that keeps me from having them because I NEED it to be storybook, it has to be perfect or I can't handle it. I'd sum up the taurus/Aquarius dynamic as us feeling uneasy about them because they're very driven, but we feel it's for the wrong reasons, if that makes sense.
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surveystodestressme · 7 years ago
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85.
5000 Question Survey Pt. 22
2001. Can you believe that we have only gotten through two fifths of this survey so far? i believe it 2002. What is your opinion of Dave Coulier? i have no idea who that is 2003. If you were to a write a Choose Your Own Adventure book, what would it be about? horror 2004. What was your best find from a flea market, garage sale, ebay or thrift store? huh? 2005. What do you not have enough money for right now? a new car
2006. Do you believe that Teras for Fears were right when they said, “Everybody wants to rule the world?” eh 2007. What is the design on your beach towel? i don’t have a beach towel 2008. What stirs something deep and animalistic inside you? mean fucking people 2009. Have you ever cross dressed (even as a joke)? no 2010. Do you own anything with a rainbow on it? yes lol my boyfriends mom buys pj pants for everyone on christmas and this year she got me rainbow pants with minions on them....... i’ve NEVER even seen despicable me 2011. What would be the worst object for a child to take on a long car ride with you? a loud handheld game 2012. What’s the Best Beatles song in your opinion? help 2013. Why do you suppose that diary sites are more popular with females than males? idk 2014. What do these color combinations remind you of: orange and pink: ice cream pink and green: fruit green and gold: nature purple and gold: idk gold and red: royalty red and white: america blue and grey: the beach 2015. What is one selfish thing you tend to do? let people buy me stuff 2016. When do you think technology will catch up with the Jetson’s? idk 2017. What made you laugh today? my lab partners 2018. Do you ever stick your entries in any of the diary circles? no. 2019. Can you freestyle rap? i could try but it wouldn’t be that good 2020. Are you: stylish? somewhat shiek? huh? smart? i think so 2021. Do you find you self only buying brand name products? i do not care about name brands 2022. Would you ever want to buy an article of clothing or an accessory because you saw a celebrity wear it? i don’t pay attention to celebrities enough 2023. What song do you feel the sexiest dancing to? buttons by pussycat dolls 2024. Who do you know who looks silly when they dance? my dad 2025. Sweaty sex or clean sex? a lil bit of both honestly 2026. Which is more important to you: being kind or being right? i mean both honestly. 2027. Can you do any special dances like swing, tap, or ballroom? i used to do tap 2028. Are you scared of monsters? nada 2029. Who would you like to remind people of? idc 2030. Do you walk to school or do you bring your lunch? neither???? 2031. Rate your skills from one to ten (10 = you are the best at it): socializing: 5 making friends: 5 working with computers: 5 arts: 7 crafts: 7 dancing: 2 skating: 6 talking other people into things: 8 writing: 9 living life to the fullest each day: 5 cooking: 3 gardening: 2 cleaning up after yourself: 9 playing poker: 1 surviving in the woods: 3 managing your time: 8 attracting the opposite sex (or same sex if you prefer)? 4 2032. Have you ever been to an indian reservation? nope 2033. What is going to happen tomorrow that you can celebrate, even if it’s a little thing? idk 2034. Do you save things for special occasions or is everyday a special occasion? i save things. 2035. What is one thing you are terrible at: saving money 2036. What’s your favorite: rap song: love the way you lie country song: we danced industrial song: idk. cover song: cant help falling in love with you punk song: idk odd song: cotton eye joe 2037. What do you get your teacher or your boss for the holidays? not a thing lol 2038. Do you like to read books by Virgina Wolfe? never read any. 2039. What is your favorite tv show from when you were a kid? spongebob 2040. What is now proved was once only imagined. - William Blake. What do you imagine? the future. 2041. What has been passed down through at least two generations to you? nothing 2042. Do we live in a particularly bad age for romance? i don’t think so 2043. Have you ever cheated on someone? nope Do you believe that once someone is a cheater they can never be trusted? yes 2044. Have you ever gone: christmas caroling? nope pumpkin picking? yeah on a hay wagon ride? yes on a romantic valentine’s day date? yeah to a new year’s eve party? a couple times to a memorial day parade? yeah to the Macy’s thanksgiving day parade? maybe in the past to search for gold coins on st patrick’s day? no. 2045. Have you ever done any modeling? nope 2046. Would you consider yourself to be psychologically damaged? not that i can think of 2047. How aware are you of the reasons behind your actions and words? very aware 2048. What is the sickest you ever drank or drugged yourself? i haven’t had any really bad experiences tbh. it’s always a shitty time when i’ve thrown up from alcohol but i’ve never blacked out. 2049. Would you prefer it if clothing was optional? no lol. 2050. What is one interesting fact about you: i collect shot glasses 2051. Are more people depressed because they are alone, or are more people alone because they are depressed? they’re more depressed bc they’re alone probably but there are way more complicated reasons as to why people are depressed 2052. Have you ever gotten a mug, t-shirt, key chain, etc. that was personalized with your picture? no lol 2053. What was the last thing that you experienced for the first time? i don’t know 2054. If you were going to die tomorrow and you were leaving a postcard for someone to read after you were gone what would it say? i dunno. 2055. If you were about to be executed what would your last request be? tell my family that i love them 2056. What kinds of people do you find intimidating? too many people lol 2057. How much conviction do you have in your feelings and beliefs? quite a bit. 2058. In your house where is the: crazy glue? in the junk drawer flashlight? above the snack cabinet 2059. Out of everyone you know who has the most personality? there’s plenty of people lol 2060. If you could go back in time to experience a musical movement or era, which one would you choose to live through? none 2061. Do you suffocate people with your love? sometimes 2062. Do you feel your life is charmed? no. 2063. What character do you identify the most with from Winnie the Pooh? piglet 2064. When do you do your best thinking? in the shower or on the toilet 2065. What motivates you? food 2066. Look back at all the people you’ve dated. Has there been a pattern? not that i can think of 2067. Things change but what will always remain the same for you? i don’t know 2068. Is divorce something you would ever consider or do you feel that marriage is permanantly binding? i would preferably not get divorced. 2069. What’s the strangest movie you ever saw? the abc’s of death 2070. If you could go into virtual reality and set up your life there to be perfect and it would seem real but not be real would you trade your life now for the virtual life? it’d be cool but no 2071. Does it seem like life is more difficult for you than for anyone else? nope 2072. What are you grateful for? everything i have. 2073. What was a choice that you didn’t want to make but you had to? idk. 2074. Have you ever had dental surgery? no. 2075. At what point exactly are you grown up? when you  have bills and you feel like you’re drowning 2076. If there was a weight loss procedure that would destroy your ability to taste food so you wouldn’t be tempted by junk food, would you have it done? absolutely not 2077. What is one thing that happened that you never expected? finding someone i love who actually loves me back 2078. If you called one of your friends and they said “It’s nothing personal but I don’t want to talk to anyone right now,” would you take it personally? nah, i’ve had moments like that too so i can understand 2079. What is your favorite girl’s name? i don’t really have one 2080. Do you ever feel guilty for being more fortunate than others? not really. 2081. If you had to wear a shirt with one word on it for a year, what word would you choose? kok 2082. What is evian spelled backwards? naive 2083. You drop 10 pounds of feathers and a ten pound bowling ball off the top of the same building. Which will hit the ground first? they both weigh the same, sooo both 2084. Even though you may never get what you want, are you happy because you’re trying? yes 2085. If you started a petition what would it be about? idk. 2086. When was the last time you asked someone to do something and they said no? everytime i ask jack to do something he says no but does it anyways 2087. Do bad things happen to you on friday the 13th? not that i know of. 2088. What’s your favorite: Madonna song? - John Lennon song? - Michael Jackson song? billy jean Doors song? - Rolling Stones song? - David Bowie song?- Elvis song? cant help falling in love with you 2089. If you had started a relationship with someone and they said that it would be best if no one knew about it just to see how it goes, would you be offended? it depends ig but id feel like they just wanted to hide me 2090. Do you know any self defense? not really How about CPR? i know the concept of it but ive never really practiced or anything 2091. If you had to look into a mirror and see your naked soul stripped of all delusions and pretenses (Never ending Story style)could you handle it? maybe 2092. Are you a genius? no. 2093. How did you find out that Santa Clause wasn’t real? i got a letter from ‘him’ and the handwriting was the same as my dads 2094. Which is your favorite tarot card? i dont do that shit 2095. Does the internet separate people or connect them? both. 2096. Have you ever written a letter to a soldier? my brother and my sister and some of my friends when they were all in the military 2097. Does pain and fear make you feel alive? to a a certain degree 2098. Are you: good looking? yeah thin? no. happy? yes successful? not yet confident? for the most part 2099. Are you decisive or wishy washy? in between. 2100. Do you feel pop stars should be morally responsible to set a good example for their fans? it’s nice but they shouldn’t be obliged to.
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arctic-urpo · 8 years ago
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Cyrus and Ceri pls??
Absolutely, thank you for asking nonnie!!!!!
For Cyrus:
Full Name: ★CYRUS POFFINGTON★ - THE STAR PRINCE (His real name is a secret (bc his background is a secret to the other players) so this is the name he goes by and everyone knows him)
Gender and Sexuality: A guy, and a 100000% homosexual.
Pronouns: He/him
Ethnicity/Species: He’s an aasimar (in DnD aasimars are like, humans with celestial blood so kind of like half-angels)
Birthplace and Birthdate: Birthplace is a ★Secret ★ and while idk how timelines work in DnD universe, I’ve put him down as Sagittarius so somewhere around November-December
Guilty Pleasures: Gods, lots. He likes cheating money out of people in card games, he likes to flirt with people who are in love with him just for fun, he befriends people for their pets… 
Phobias: He doesn’t really have any specific ones left. He used to not like heights, but for his magic shows he wanted to do tricks relating to high places so he just practiced the tricks until his fear went away, for examples. Anything he’s afraid of he’ll just, get rid of as soon as possible in not-so-good ways out of impatience
What They Would Be Famous For: He’s already a famous magician so!! That lol
What They Would Get Arrested For: Gods, swindling people probably. I mean, he only swindles from people he deems ~bad~ (like from abusive and actually morally corrupt people to people who are just “Super Mean :(((” or he just disagrees with their moral standards) but that kind of vigilante justice doesn’t really go according to law lol
OC You Ship Them With: We haven’t yet started the game so I can’t say if there’ll be someone, haha~ But for now, no one! 
OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Gods, as said the game has yet to start but I feel like one player’s character Vivi is already a candidate, because she’s the bodyguard for another character Selena, and Cyrus tends to play around with her a lot (play around in like the, pick her up and spin around to make her dizzy kind of way) and Vivi Does Not Approve
Favorite Movie/Book Genre: He’s not that into fiction! But I think he’d generally love stories about animals 
Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Doesn’t really have one~
Talents and/or Powers: Uhm he’s a Bard, so even now on first level he has the magical power of actually hurting others by insulting them :’’’D But yeah he’s a mage so there’s that, but he’s also skilled in playing the violin, flute and lute, and also he’s skilled in magic tricks! Some of his magic tricks do include actual magic and some are more our world kind of magic tricks.
But really, the magic shows are more about the show and glamour, and entertaining people. Which he is great at. 
Why Someone Might Love Them: He’s a charming young man, who can be really sweet and make you laugh and smile any day of your life. There’s not a boring day with him, really
Why Someone Might Hate Them: He’s… super annoying, selfish and makes assumptions and judges people without really even knowing them. He’s also a perfectionist about his shows so gods if something goes wrong he’s going to be so upset and whine abt it
How They Change: Well, that remains to be seen! Only thing I know that will change in his life is that he’ll get a puppy after our first mission bc the GM promised me he’d give me enough money and an opportunity to get the lil darling~ It’s gonna be a Toy Pomeranian and his name will be★ FLUFFY POFFINGTON★ - THE STAR KNIGHT
Why You Love Them: He’s, so dramatic and fun, I feel like I’ll have a blast playing with him because he’s so lively and energetic! He’s also really pretty and I would die from being gay if I actually met him, lol
For Ceri!
Full Name: Ceri Davies
Gender and Sexuality: Male, and a gay demisexual!
Pronouns: He/him!
Ethnicity/Species: Idk, some kind of human bean
Birthplace and Birthdate: He’s also from the Mystery Country that most my OCs live in, and he was born September 6th
Guilty Pleasures: Idk if this counts as guilty pleasure but he tends to annoy people on purpose, just to see if they get upset with him if he’s difficult or uncooperative and when they do he’ll cry and turn it around to say they’re bad for getting angry at him. He keeps doing this even though he hates doing it. He also has a lot of shitty coping mechanisms
Phobias: Being abandoned, being hated, never being loved, being alone….. You get the picture
What They Would Be Famous For: He’s not really the type to be famous…. unless for like, bad reasons. Like the answer of the next question…
What They Would Get Arrested For: Murder of a lover. Like, no question abt it.
OC You Ship Them With: Salal!
OC Most Likely To Murder Them: He doesn’t really have anyone close enough for this other than Salal… I guess his family goes for this though, especially his shitty older siblings
Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Romance
Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Like, you know the trope where character A is about to like, get married to character B and then A’s old sweetheart C comes back into their life and they fall for them again and end up dumping B for C? Yeah, Ceri hates that. And any other kind of cheating/breaking up tropes.
Talents and/or Powers: He’s an extremely little-better-than-mediocre in many things, like web design. Although he was very studious and hard-working, and did get straight A’s when he was in elementary to high school, and then got into university when his mental health finally plummeted from the abuse at home. Now he lives in sort of a daze, and many of his skills and knowledge has kind of… deteriorated bc he stopped. 
He still managed to graduate well enough and get a job with the skills he had already acquired, but there’s little hope for him to get actually better and ahead without like… getting actual professional help for his mental health…
//EDIT: ALSO I GUESS HE’S SOMEWHAT CAPABLE OF BLACK MAGIC like geez that fact might be relevant somewhat to his character arc
Why Someone Might Love Them: Uh, that’s a good question. He’s hardworking and, when he’s actually stable he’s witty and funny, and I think he’s the type to have a really cute laugh. All in all, he is a sweet person underneath, who just got treated like shit by the world
Why Someone Might Hate Them: I mean, he’s like, Problematic ™ so it’s easy to see why. If someone even tries to befriend him, he either turns them down until they give up or he’ll demand their absolute attention and care and when they of course wouldn’t be able to provide that he’d dump them out of his life. It’s all of course because of a mental illness, but, he is really abusive and has given up on trying to be better (he thinks that it’s “too late for him to be good”) so… 
How They Change: I think he’ll eventually realize that he can change and will seek help, and will at least to some degree start to interact with other humans again. 
Why You Love Them: I mean, of course the obvious “I love yanderes” part, I think what I love him about the most is the fact that he’s a bad person without a like, justification. There’s a reason why he’s like that, and he’s not completely a lost case or irredeemable but still, he’s not good. He yearns to be loved and cared for but he doesn’t know how to go about it and ends up summoning a demon in his desperation… Idk, I really love thinking about his personality and how he ended up being like this, and what goes on in his head. So ultimately, I love yanderes and have endless interest in that kind of thought processes orz
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ladyloveandjustice · 8 years ago
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JFA THE FINAL CASE THE FINALE
Mia basically tells Phoenix he is powered by friendship and its his strongest weapon. SHE AGREES WITH ME HE IS A MAGICAL GIRL.
Will Powers on the stand convinced Phoenix is going to accuse him of murder because THAT’S WHAT YOU DO TO WITNESSES I’VE SEEN IT.  Miles says: “I will personally talk to the defense later” He did this in DD too didn’t he. The whole “Don’t worry I will scold my troublesome husband” bit. This is where it started. Amazing.
Never forget that Phoenix just threw a cell phone. Across the courtroom. At Edgeworth’s head. Yelling “EDGEWORTH CATCH.” This happened in a court of law.
Gumshoe: I’M COMING PAL AS FAST AS I CAN
Miles: Wait, get here in one piece-
GUMSHOE: NOPE I’M RUNNING ALL THE RED LIGHTS  *immediately crashes*
Miles: THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY.
Fortunately Franziska is a weirdo who puts tracking devices on her subordinates so we get can get her to come to the rescue.
Back to the trial and hey we COULD get a not guilty if we wanted but Phoenix CAN’T BETRAY EDGEWORTH’S TRUST… then he’s like “His…trust? I never thought about it till now. I…I….I trust him?”
My friend was actually playing this part when I lent her the game and we voiced characters and when I did Mia’s “Yes. You do.” Response here I made sure to do it in a COMPLETELY DONE voice because she looks so done. This was Phoenix’s internal monologue too so she just must have been able to read it on his face or something “YES PHOENIX YOU ARE STILL INTO HIM THAT HAS BEEN OBVIOUS TO EVERYONE FOREVER. My sister has been kidnapped can you DO YOUR GAY AGONIZING LATER???” It’s so hard to be Mia.
Miles: THE TRUTH IS THE BEST I LOVE THE TRUTH I WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH THE TRUTH TRUUUUUTH I WILL NEVER BETRAY YOU I WILLL DO MY JOB AS A PROSECUTOR THE END-
Phoenix: Edgeworth this guy will kill Maya
Miles: shit. well okay fuck the truth. the prosecution rests.
Phoenix: WAIT SUDDENLY THE TRUTH IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME,
Miles: FUCKING-
Franziska crashes in to saaaaave the day. Despite having been shot yesterday.
When she whips the judge Miles is all “lol she always has u in her sights” and then later happily informs us she’s probably beating the shit out of Matt Engarde (GOOD) he’s so weirdly proud of her violence.
De Killer does his little “I’ll return your item” thing to Phoenix and Maya SCREAMS AT THE TERRIFYING ASSASSIN “wtf I AM NOT AN ITEM” you tell him girl.
WOW I totally forgot that this is where Miles started his ~that man~ thing.
But... A man appeared and stood fast against that selfish me. I fought him in my usual manner, and tasted my first defeat. (…)_ No matter how desperate the situation... instead of giving up like most people, that man would hold strong with his undying faith. And then, before I knew it... I began to trust in that man as well.
HE’S LITERALLY DOING THIS RIGHT IN FRONT OF PHOENIX. I’m just imagining Phoenix being like “Uh, Edgeworth who is this guy???? Are...are you talking about me???”
“YES I’M TALKING ABOUT YOU WRIGHT OBVIOUSLY. I’M TRYING TO BE POETIC”
“how is not saying my name poetic”
“IT JUST IS”
Maya’s baaaaaack. And informs us if she had died she would just haunt Phoenix forever through Pearl I love her so much
Edgeworth: Maya...
Maya: Oh, Mr. Edgeworth.
Edgeworth: Um... I'm relieved you're alright.
Maya: Hey... It looks like you've made some real progress, Mr. Edgeworth!
Edgeworth: Umm... Well, I suppose I'm a little different from who I was a year ago.
Maya: Heh...
Seriously their friendship is so cute and underrated.  She like “U APPEAR TO BE TAKING MY ADVICE ABOUT THOSE BABY STEPS GOOD JOB I’M SO PROUD”.
Maya’s first order of business is to eat all the food and it’s gonna be GOURMET FOOD because THE KIDNAPPING INTERRUPTED HER FEASTING AND THIS WILL NOT STAND.
Phoenix calls Maya a glutton SHE WAS JUST STARVED FOR TWO DAYS PHOENIX THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS “TOO MUCH FOOD” here.
Maya’s like “wow I’ve escaped death three times now lol I’m invincible” THAT’S RIGHT BBY. DEATH IS NOTHING TO MAYA FEY
Phoenix doesn’t know how ~express his feelings~ to Edgeworth so he settles for giving him a whip.
And thus we initiate AWKWARD SIBLING CONVERSATION. God Franziska is such a good character. She is such a ball of conflicted feelings and…agh. Like there’s so much in this conversation like her feelings of abandonment and  she just wants to be acknowledged so badly by people and even Miles just sort of ignored her and didn’t treat her like a rival or equal because he was wrapped up in his own shit. 
It’s pretty clear from how she talks she both just really wants the attention of her remaining family but also resents him so much after being pitted against him for years thanks to her father…She had to work so hard and also pretend it was all easy for her and she was confident and just felt inadequate the whole time…and her emphasis on “that “girl” you left behind….” Indicates she  felt there was gender component to how her father neglected her and why people weren’t noticing her…
THERE’S TOO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT HER I CAN’T DO IT RIGHT NOW. I GUESS I’LL JUST SUMMARIZE THEIR CONVERSATION.
Franziska:  BEING RAISED BY AN ASSHOLE DAD AND BEING CRUSHED BY ALL THE EXPECTATIONS HAS FUCKED ME UP MILES. HE MAY BE A GENIUS BUT I’M NOT BUT STILL I HAD TO BE (ok but. U did become a prosecutor at 13 Fran. Most people would consider that enough to qualify as a genius.)
Miles: Franziska I too am fucked up. But look here’s your whip back just be a prosecutor and think about the TRU-
Franziska: OH MY GOD SHUT UP I HATE YOU.
Miles: k
Franziska: YOU JUST LEFT ME BEHIND MILES EDGEWORTH. LEFT ME BEHIND WITH MY SHITTY FAMILY AND HAVING TO MEASURE UP TO MY DAD’S WEIRD OBSESSION WITH YOU AND YOU DIDN’T THINK ABOUT ME AT ALL. NO WHAT DO YOU DO, JUST FUCK OFF TO GO FLIRT WITH SOME DEFENSE ATTORNEY JESUS CHRIST. I WANTED TO KICK YOUR BOYFRIEND’S ASS AND THUS FINALLY TRIUMPH OVER YOU and have revenge BUT NOOOOO
Miles: Huh you’ve given like ten different motivations for your revenge you are an extremely complex person I guess
Franziska: I CAN’T THROW AWAY WHO I AM
Miles: Okay but have you considered dating Adrian Andrews.
Franziska: what
Miles: her girlfriend’s dead and I think you guys would get along
Franziska: what does this have to do with anything
Miles: Well I’m pretty sure Wright’s forgiven me and I want you to be happy too…
Franziska: WE ARE NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSATION
Miles: Okay well. I’m not going to stop being a prosecutor ever again except well actually I WILL quit for a while in my spinoff game for a while and it will really piss you off
Franziska: what
Miles: anyway if we’re not prosecutors we’ll probably never interact because we’re both shit at communicating. So if you stop THIS IS WHERE WE PART WAYS
Franziska: *cries* NO IT ISN’T BECAUSE I’M NOT GONNA BE IN YOUR SHADOW FOREVER YOU JERK SOMEDAY I’M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS SO HARD THE ROAD TO KICKING YOUR ASS BEGINS NOW
Miles: Yaaaaay that makes me happy.
AND SO WE END OUR GAME. I am very fond.
I’ve covered all the anime was s’posed to cover, so I guess I’ll binge the rest of the anime real fast like, just to sate my curiosity.
I can’t really go directly to the third game bc my friend’s borrowing it rn so that will have to do.
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saltwaterships · 8 years ago
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Characters: Klavier Gavin, Vera Misham
from Ace Attorney
I’ve never done one of these proper fic posts, but I’d really like to elaborate on this idea so I think I’ll give it a try.
I feel like Klavier’s characterization was a let-down in so many ways. After playing around with ideas from the Drew Misham case, I thought about Klavier. He seems really cool and composed in the game (mind you, its been a while since I played it) and it just didn’t sit right with me. I wanted to write a fic that expresses Klavier’s feelings properly, regarding the end of AJ.
I wrote this around Vera bc I love her, and love writing about her experience. This fic actually came about because I love thinking about new ways to tell her case so I felt it necessary to include her. Not sure how long this will be, or how many characters I will add in. I definitely fell in love with the idea of Vera and Klavier supporting each other and being able to talk to one another.
Hope you enjoy!
It was a difficult time in the life of prosecutor and rockstar, Klavier Gavin. He was in the process of questioning all of his relationships,  He couldn't have known his brother would do something like this? His own bandmate? That's one story, but his brother- who he had known all his life, was another. He felt guilt and fear and he felt abandoned. But he himself could not say what he felt because he felt too much all at once. How could he forgive his brother? Was it his fault? Something he could have done? Could he have changed the future?
How would Klavier continue his life? He had money, which was a great start. Fans, fans, people were generally friendly to him, he did not lack an abundance of admiration or wealth. What he lacked was maybe love, maybe it was true friendship, and he had done well without it until this point. He felt like he was at an end, he really couldn't end his life but he could not imagine his life continuing. What was in store for him? He had made many accomplishments in his life, two of his biggest turned out to be the cause of much horror.
He almost didn't want to hear other people talk. Didn't want to talk to people, for the first time in his life. What his brother had done was awful and he was awful for sharing his name. He wanted people to forget who he was, if anyone would talk to him he would like them to treat him like someone who was not related to a murderer. But how could he ignore what his brother had done? Why should anyone? At the same exact time he believed people should treat him awful but they should also treat him like he was not significant at all. What a selfish prick.
It was about his feelings now. What didn't he feel? But what did he feel? He didn't want to know what he felt, he would never figure it out, anyways. He was distraught, he was angry, he was sad, but he didn't feel an ounce of it.
Did he get help? Yes. Did it take time? Yes. It took him long enough to reach a point of stability. How he felt now took him back to the days before therapy, before medication. He was a burden, selfish, jealous, he was (not his words) a monster. Deep down he knew he wasn't really all these things, he was a lovable human being, and he, himself was loving. He cared for people and he cared so much, he cared  more than anyone else could ever know. And at this extent, he felt anger, sadness and jealousy in similar intensities. And now it was all coming back. The worst he had ever been.
Just as he thought his entire life was up in smoke, he remembered the victim. He was sorry for the him; Klavier knew that Drew Misham's life was not the easiest but felt a little comfort knowing the man truly cared for his daughter. Everything he did was to benefit her well-being. And how did her life turn out? Who would she become? If she survived, that is.
Klavier's attention shifted to the girl. Would it kill him to pay her a visit? No, not at all. Although, it could make him feel worse. But he wouldn't die. It would be fine. Or maybe it wouldn't, he just needed to go. Her life was in his hands now.
He arrived at her hospital room the next day. He realized he could have been too late but he was a sour piece of shit anyways. The nerve of him. A young woman's life was in danger and he – just forget it. He was here. He was beat to the punch by Phoenix, Apollo and Trucy. It wasn't a competition. In reality he knew he was not responsible for this girl. He knew it somewhere deep down. He could not find it at that moment. He did not know.
As he looked at her, his heart pounded. Memories came flooding back; emotions he tried so hard to keep away. Fuck it all. He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave. He was leaving. He was leaving. He was responsible for this. Why wasn't it him in this hospital bed? Why was he lying to himself. He had it good compared to her. He had it bad, but she had nothing. She had some things but she didn't have the things he had. She would have to start her life over. His was ending. Maybe he was responsible for this after all. Maybe he should stay.
So he sat himself down on a chair next to her bed. He put his head in his hands as if to keep his emotions at bay. He was kidding himself but he did it. He was actually a wreck but he soon learned that if he didn't look at the girl and pretended he wasn't in a hospital bed, he still felt like crap but he didn't feel guilty. What a faulty human being. Waste of space.
He must have been sitting there for hours. Well, five minutes. He finally looked at her again. She was awake. She was looking at him, possibly staring. She closed her eyes again. She must have hated him. He felt sick. He wanted to disappear.
“Look, I'm sorry.” He worried he sounded too aggressive. Maybe he was being too passive.
She nodded her head and said, “It's okay.”
He wanted to scream.
“I did awful things. My brother did awful things.” He knew he was calm this time.
She looked at him briefly. She looked away as her eyes teared up.
“I'm sorry.” He repeated.
“Mhmm.” All he could hear was her heavy breathing and her hidden tears.
What on Earth would he give to make her suffering go away? She didn't deserve this. But he didn't know what to do. She wasn't immediately impressed by who he was, nor was he being very charming at that moment. He was an ordinary, an ordinary Joe. To her.
“I didn't want to make you feel bad, Vera.” He said it. Her name. It was one of the most painful things he ever had to say. Not that he had to. “I feel bad.” He paused, he didn't want to repeat himself a million times. He came here to talk to her. But he felt disconnected from her. He didn't want to touch her shoulder or her hand, he didn't think she would like it if he got any closer. He wasn't exactly comfortable, with their distance they may as well have been on opposite sides of the room. “Vera, do you understand me?”
“Yes” She barely looked at him. Poor girl. “It's not your fault.” She sounded insincere from trying to be nice. Maybe she meant it.
But it worked for Klavier. He believed her.
“Vera, I think I know, I know it's not,” He placed his hand on her bed, “but this,” he cleared the tears in his eyes, “is painful for me. It's painful for you. I don't want you to feel this pain.” Klavier took his hand in hers, not sure if she would be comfortable with it. He should have asked.
“It was scary.” Vera looked him in the eye for a short moment, but it meant the world to him. He saw her pain, it made him want to heal her. Healing her would be the first step to healing himself. It sounded selfish but they both needed the same thing.
“You are a brave girl.” He let go of her hand. He wanted to cry but he didn't. He was coming back to his normal self. For a bit. “I want to know if you know what to do when you leave here.”
Vera looked thoughtful for a second, “what do you mean?”
“Where are you going to live?”
“Oh, I have a home.” He couldn't read her.
“Aren't you afraid?”
“He's gone, isn't he? .....I'm sure he is...” The amount of fear she showed was horrifying to Klavier. That was his brother, and although she was definitely right to be afraid, it hut him. He hoped to get over it.
“I promise that he is gone. There is nothing to be afraid of anymore.” He felt silly for pursuing. But what if he could really help this girl? He looked Vera in the eye, trying to get her to look back but it was fine either way. “Vera, are you afraid of me?”
She shook her head. She couldn't say, though. Did he scare her? She was always afraid these days and knew it wasn't only him. “No” Although, was he here to torture her?
“Vera...” He worried when he saw her expression, it was like she was lost, a bit like if the world around her wasn't real. But she was living through the unfortunate consequences. “I think you....you need a bit more time...” He brushed his fingers across his face to wipe away his tears as subtly as possible. It hurt him to see her that way, but he was sure now that he really wanted to help her. He was afraid of doing something out of pity but this was a girl in great need of help; she just lost her dad, she had no one in her life. Maybe she had money, she had a home, and Phoenix and the others would care for her, no doubt. But he didn't think it was enough, he had, the kind of help she could not get from all that.
Vera looked at him, unsure of what to say. She didn't understand what he meant but she didn't want to ask for many reasons. If she was going to die, well it was the best time for it. As for him being with her, she didn't get why he would show up. She was happy, but a little uncomfortable, it was fine.
He was afraid of being too pushy and he wondered if she wanted his help at all.
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