#like i don't want to buy a fridge with internet on it

[heavenknowsffs]

Makes me sad that one day there will only be fully automated cars and phones without basic features (i.e charger and headphone jack) and everything will become more and more useless to the point your old actual good gadgets will be impossible to find or replace and you will have to settle for its modern horrible version of it that is useless and 10x more expensive

[girlscience]

screaming crying blowing up

[spoopdeedoop]

hi i have some disorganized thoughts/hcs abt the found family human doctor au

(one of the thoughts being i should really give it a better name. another being YES this is only the nuwho doctors atm bc that's the only series i've watched so far apologies. if i ever get around to watching classic who i will add them trust)

BEHOLD my random, not at all in-depth headcanons

nine is the only one with a car out of all of them. they all keep bugging him to drive/pick them up from places -- he has mixed feelings about being the assigned taxi driver

both twelve and eleven are teachers -- college professor and preschool teacher respectively. twelve's students love them because he will say the most stupid, hilarious shit with a straight face without even knowing and eleven's students love him because he is the only teacher at the school that will dance with them during musical chairs (he doesn't even play the game. he just dances)

i want to make one of them an actual doctor but i don't think any of them could handle it unfortunately

they all share an an apartment flat on the same level -- nine, twelve and fifteen live in one room, ten, eleven and thirteen live in the one across from them. of course there are other people in the building too but they're all used to the strange loud hyperactivity of that particular flat. i think i'm using the right terminology here. yall know what im talking about

(i'm so tempted to make some companions be their neighbors)

nine and ten are the most insomniac of all of them, so they're used to bumping each other in the dead of night on their way to raid each other's respective fridges or something. very rarely thirteen will join them and they're like "WELL FANCY SEEING YOU HERE"

twelve does sleep, but like. he's nocturnal

eleven and ten hate each other in a sibling kind of way (see: day of the doctor). they are constantly sending each other death threats or tripping each other over. everyone is sick of it

sometimes when they're out shopping you'll hear ten yell "GET OUT OF THE FROZEN FOOD YOU NUMPTY WE ARE NOT BUYING FISH FINGERS" over the aisles and you'll hear eleven whine "WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH" back

(if you're lucky you'll be able to catch fifteen mumble "why did we put them in the same apartment. are we asking for an eviction notice")

eventually eleven will pick a random stray cat off the side of the road, take her home, and name her bowtie, which is a stupid name, so everyone just defaults to calling her kitty

kitty's favourite person is twelve, to eleven's absolute despair

(my original idea for this was to initially have ten hate the idea of living with a cat, since he's stated full on in the show that he doesn't like cats, but apparently there is some very obscure doctor who comic run in which he falls into a depressive spiral and adopts a cat whom he names rose-the-cat, so he might actually like cats idk?)

anyway ten hates her until he doesn't lmao. he vents to her when there's no one else home and she will Stare at him back and it is a very nice friendship

kitty and nine watch shitty romcom together

they have a joint groupchat together -- half of it is just thirteen and fifteen assigning everyone outfits they find on pinterest and the other half is eleven asking where everyone went (he keeps getting lost when they go out)

nine doesn't know how to download pictures off the internet and so resorts to manually editing memes together to send to the groupchat and everyone's like "girl that's so much more effort........."

(yes he doesn't know how to press save image to camera roll but he knows how to use a photo editor flawlessly. such is the logic of the idiocy of the doctors)

eleven and thirteen get along very well i think. they're the only two of the group to play video games and so they bond over that. they also have ridiculously similar clothing taste

sometimes they'll succeed in getting fifteen to play pokemon with them and then they'll proceed to not see him until the next day when he comes out of his room and goes "you didn't tell me plusle couldn't evolve i've been levelling it up all fucking night"

friday is assigned movie night (it's always big hero 6)

eleven is the only one to actively seek out physical affection, usually really abruptly like clinging to thirteen's back as she passes him in the hall or bapping ten with the palm of his hand until he sighs and gives him a hug. he does expect a platonic kiss on the forehead from anyone before he goes to bed and will complain if he doesn't get one

anyway thats it i'm sick in the head and really sad. if this keeps up i may be forced to actually write a fic

[feyburner]

tumblr user feyburner, i have a confession. i don't know how to roast a chicken, or do anything with a chicken, and at this point i'm afraid to ask.

I can tell you're afraid to ask bc this isn't really a question. But I will answer it anyway. I'm always happy to talk about chicken.

You’ll be pleased to learn that roasting a chicken is so easy. The below explanation is quite long bc I am including all the information I can remember, to set you up for chicken roasting success. But, essentially, you’re rubbing a chicken in oil and seasonings and putting him in the oven for like an hour. Done.

Remember that people have been roasting whole chickens since the dawn of time using whatever they had around bc it’s the most low effort, high reward meal ever. You could say the word “salt” in a chicken’s general direction and toss him at a candle flame and he would still turn out great.  

To roast a chicken:

Buy a whole chicken, however big you want. 4-5 lbs is enough to feed 3-5 people with leftovers.

Prepare a workspace with a plastic cutting board (not wooden bc raw chicken juices) and paper towels. 

Remove the giblets, pin feathers, extra flaps:

1. Stick your hand up his primary orifice and pull out anything loose. There is usually a handful of little organs like heart and gizzards and sometimes these strings of pale bean looking things (tbh not sure what those are). Save these for stock, except the liver (super dark squishy organ) which will disintegrate. You can eat the liver separate if you want.

2. Trim off any sticky-outy bits that have pin feathers on them, and the flaps of fat/gristle over his orifice. Save the fatty bits for stock. Leave the triangle of fat directly above the orifice (his tail). 

Pat the chicken dry with paper towels inside and out. Get him as dry as possible. 

Spatchcock: You don’t have to spatchcock/butterfly but I like to, bc it maximizes outer surface area for that good good crispy skin. Also easier to get breasts and thighs done at the same rate.

All you have to do is cut the backbone out of the chicken with poultry shears or kitchen scissors if you’re desperate. Then push down hard to crack the breastbone so he lies super flat. Save the backbone for stock or jus. How to spatchcock step by step guide.

Dry brine: Prepare a bowl of coarse kosher salt. More salt than you’d think. Like 1 Tbsp per lb of meat. Rub salt over the whole chicken inside and out. Don’t skimp on the salt especially on the inside. It will not make your chicken crazy salty, it doesn't penetrate the meat that deep. Also some will be wiped off before you cook. 

Put the chicken on a wire rack on a baking sheet and chill uncovered in the fridge for 2-24 hours. The point of this step is the salt draws moisture to the surface of the chicken, which then evaporates in the circulating fridge air. It helps you get crispy chicken skin.

Dry brine + resting isn't 100% necessary, if for some reason you must produce a roasted chicken on a time crunch. But it's a good practice.

Roasting time:

Pat excess moisture off chicken inside and out. If you did not spatchcock you can stuff the inside with a halved lemon or garlic head, herbs, whatever you want. 

Seasoning rub: Prepare a small bowl with olive oil (maybe 1/4-1/3 cup?), salt, freshly cracked black pepper, and whatever dried herbs and spices you want. A good starter is: salt, pepper, parsley sage rosemary thyme, paprika, garlic powder, onion powder. I love me some Cajun spice mix like Slap Ya Mama. Start with like 1-2 tsp of each (1 tsp spices, 2 tsp dried herbs) and build from there. Don’t be shy. Recipes on the internet are like “Use 1/2 tsp herbs for this whole recipe” because they’re heading off 1-star reviews from annoying people who can’t handle a molecule of flavor. Season with your heart, your pussy, and your balls. Don’t be ashamed to use a store-bought spice rub. It’s not lazy, it’s efficient. Also, who gives a shit.

Rub the oil all over Mr. Chicken like he’s an Ancient Greek warrior-prince you’re preparing for the Olympic Games. 

Some recipes tell you to use butter, or slip butter under the skin, but butter has higher water content than oil and might not get you the ideal crispy skin. You can do whatever you want though. It’s your chicken. 

Preheat the oven to 425°. People will tell you a billion different temperatures—screaming hot, low and slow—but I’m here to tell you that it is so hard to fuck up a roast chicken, you can experiment and the results will always be great. 

I like to start at a high temp for 30 minutes to get the skin crisping and then reduce to 375° for the rest of the time to avoid burning. Sometimes you’ll have to cover him with foil if the seasonings start charring. That’s fine.

General cook time: 20 minutes per lb of meat, give or take 20 depending on oven temp. A 4-5 lb chicken at 425° -> 375° generally takes me ~1 hour 20 minutes. If you do low and slow at like 325° it might take 2+ hours. Just check on him periodically. Tbh it’s harder to overcook a chicken than you probably think. 5 minutes, or even 10-20 minutes, is NOT the difference between beautiful tender juicy chicken and a bone-dry tragedy. Chicken is not turkey. He is versatile and he can take it.

Pull the chicken when a meat thermometer inserted into the thickest part reads 145° or above. (160° is the “safe temp” but 1. The temp will continue to rise for a few minutes after it leaves the oven, and 2. 160° is the temp at which bacteria dies immediately. 145° is fine for eating. Disclaimer: I am not a scientist just a guy who makes a lot of chicken.)

If you don’t have a thermometer, pull the chicken when you insert a knife into the thickest part and the juices run clear. Gorgeous.

Let him sit for 10-20 minutes before carving. When carving, find the oysters and give them to your favorite person or take them as the Cook’s Bounty.

**********************

Again, this explanation is quite long because I included lots of detail. If you do it even one time, you'll realize it's incredibly easy and intuitive and doesn't take much time at all.

Godspeed!

[batcavescolony]

Since in #7 Bernard Dowd is seen to want to be a Chef and I've had culinary arts schooling this is my list of oddly specific things pertaining to that. Use it as you want (just from my experience)

Having a callous on the base of your pointer fringer of your dominate hand from using a chef knife

Funky patterned chef pants

DISHES NEVER END

when you are moving with a hot pan or heavy items ect you tell everyone like HOT PAN! BEHIND. GOING AROUND THE CORNER. BEHIND!

small batches are cute but in a restaurant/bakery/etc you're doing big batches in industrial ovens and mixers. A batch of bread dough we made had 12lbs of flour and like a half gallon of water.

Culinary arts isn't just making food it's doing math, converting recipes, going over OSHA rules and restaurant regulations

After awhile you have enough knowledge to the point where you see a recipe on the internet and go "hey... I can make that. Like really easily" like you can just make curry or scallion pancakes or fancy food

You will notice the shitty knife cuts in like pre cut packages of fruit and veg at the store

You're not allowed to have nail polish or false nails (unless you want to wear gloves all the time)

You start to realise how easy it's is to do somethings for yourself. Like you can just buy a chicken and break it down yourself or make stock at home

Their will be at least one class day where you cut onions all day and leave in tears because everyone is literally cutting onions

Sometimes stuff gets pushed back in the fridge or it's after break and the food has grew a putrid smelling mold. Cleaning it is part of culinary, it's...Fun

Everyday you wear chef pants, a chef coat, a closed toe non slip shoe and a chef hat.

Your hands will get chapped af because you're washing them all the time, lotion is your friend

You do refer to your head chef as 'Chef' or 'Chef ____' (or at least we did)

You will fuck up except it and move past it. (I once put too many chips in the fryer, it over flowed and we had to clean it up)

Kitchens get hot and you're wearing pants and a coat that are designed to protect you from like boiling water being pored on them, so drink water.

You will get cut/burned/stabbed/squished fingers it's part of the job just don't get bodily fluids on the food

You're standing like the whole time no matter what

You know that gallon conversation thing you learned in elementary? You will see that in your sleep. Gallon to quart to pint to cup. Also 8oz to a cup. 3t to a T. 16oz to a Pound ect it's ingrained into my head now

With a bit of knowledge you now know things and you can use it. Like add Xanthan Gum to a blended drink to emulsify it and it's just like Starbucks.

On the down side people want you to make things

You start wanting things for your kitchen like a KitchenAid or a portion scoop or dehydrator and having that feeds back into "I can make anything"

Figuring out exact prices for things is crucial and a pain. Like you have to take the price of baking soda and figure out how much a 1/4t costs. It's not horrible ig but when you're doing it for a whole recipe or menu it gets repetitive.

Ok that's all I'm putting you get the idea

[goodluckclove]

Skylark's Apple Log: Cosmic Crisp

Hi! Scott Skylark here.

I don't really know why I'm doing this. I was having a nice conversation with my good friend Katy about the importance of putting apples in the fridge so you can enjoy a cold apple, and barely an hour went by before she suggested I make a physical (Digital?) log of my insights and share them with the internet. I hesitated at first, but she insisted it was for the best, as people online might only know of me right now as some "sad boy pretty boy".

To which I said "Huh? What? What does that mean?" But right as she started to explain I suddenly decided I really didn't want to know and made some loud nonsense noises to buy me time to leave the room.

Anyways, I'm definitely no food critic. If you give me some cheese, some bread, a hard-boiled egg or two and like 4-6 apples, I'm good for the day. I'm not picky. I'd hate to put some misinformation out there (Discourse! Can you imagine?) so I've asked the very capable Chef Edgar Gallows to comment on what I say before I post it.

Today I'd like to talk about the Cosmic Crisp, which is absolutely in my top ten favorite apples. They're a hybrid bred in Washington in the late 90s. Did you know there are people who dedicate their whole careers to breeding apples? That was my dream job for a while when I was a kid, but I always struggled with science and apparently that type of work is entirely science. Anyways!

When I can have a Cosmic Crisp and some toast for breakfast, I'm a happy guy with lots of energy for the day ahead. And when it's fresh out of the fridge, it's crisp and chill, so no need for a morning juice. I like to use an apple slicer to make nice inform shapes, but those end up pretty thick, so I'll cut each slice to be about half-thickness. Doing this means you get a better bite to enjoy the flavor - and it also makes it seem like you have more apples to enjoy, which is always fun.

Cosmic Crisps are really big. There are bigger that exist - the Hanners Jumbo for instance, which is actually sold exclusively in Oregon where I live! But the girth of a Cosmic Crisp is certainly nothing to sneeze at. It's really fun, and frankly a great option if you're looking for the most bang for your buck at most average supermarkets. Sometimes it gets to be a little overwhelming, though, because I personally can only eat about three before I start getting a little grossed out. But if you're just eating one or two, this is very much a consistently satisfying variety in terms of sweetness and bite.

In my youth I resented the coloring of a Cosmic Crisp, believing that a red apple should commit to the hue. Now I appreciate the look of an apple that is definitely reminiscent of something grown off a tree, compared to a Red Delicious that mainly just looks like a child's crayon depiction of an apple given physical form by some cruel, confused God. And the crisp! Very crispy apple, potentially the crispiest I've experienced by far.

If you choose to enjoy a Cosmic Crisp apple, I highly suggest pairing it with a little bit of peanut butter, or just eating it on its own. It's very yummy.

I don't know how to end this! If you're reading this I hope you see a video of a cute animal on the internet. There are so many out there. Way more than I remember.

Thanks so much!

Skylark

Chef's Note: I think I'm immediately unqualified to check this kind of writing for accuracy. Up until recently I thought all apples were either green or red. Even after being told otherwise I still kind of think that. It's pretty startling to know there is a person in existence who puts more thought into this type of thing than picking up an apple from a bag on the counter and taking a bite.

Chilled apples are pretty good. I'll give him that one.

-E.G.

Hey Songbird Taglist did you think I'd call you all here to read Scott talk about apples because here we are

@kuebiko-writing @cartoonghosts 

@atlasthecactus @aroaceghosties 

@booksntea6982 @xarrixii 

@mushroommanchanterelle @whoevenknowswhatimwriting

@fukurouonthesea

[escapetothelake]

Mr Crow & Mr Owl for the ship asks ;)

when i say this is one of my absolute FAVORITE dynamics (remember when i said it would be toxic? i made it way too sweet oops)

i'm gonna tag @callmegaith for this one as well because ik they are also an evil bird husbands truther >:)

btw sorry this took so long i'm on vacation and have spotty internet :,)

who made the first move: i think mr. owl likely first contacted mr. crow. we know that they were working together since at least the events of roots, so it's been a very long time.

who kissed who first: aldous started by kissing jakob's ring, and then graduated to his bare hand (it's about the homoerotic tension 🤌). eventually, jakob kissed aldous on the lips. aldous was all too happy to kiss back.

who started the relationship: mr. owl did, as mr. crow is technically his underling, and aldous is a man who is concerned with propriety.

who remembers things: both of them remember EVERYTHING.

nicknames for each other: jakob strikes me as a "my love" user. i think they both say it, actually. i don't think "darling", "dear", or "dearest" is out of the question. also "beloved", "precious", "my treasure", "lover", and "dumpling" cuz these bitches are OLD.

who is more likely to pay for dinner: i feel like they'd be the kind of couple to fight over the bill, calling it "my treat".

*they're eating out together and the bill arrives* "ah. let me get this one, darling." "no, you got it last time. it's my treat." "no, it's my treat. you know how i love to spoil you." "alright dear, but next time..." "hah! we'll see."

that said, usually jakob is more persistent.

who normally cooks: have i ever actually answered this question with "x person in the couple does it"? yeah, mr. owl runs a hotel, and he has mr. toad to cook for him. though jakob knows how to cook, considering that he was on his own for a while and we saw it happen onscreen and everyone else at paradise is incompetent. i'm sure aldous knows how to as well. i think aldous likes to cook for jakob, and he makes an art out of it, incorporating expensive wines and fancy herbs and the like. only the best for his beloved.

who remembers anniversaries: both, of course. they have minds like steel traps when it comes to each other.

what would they get each other for gifts: suits, expensive jewelry and pocket watches, taking each other out to eat, all kinds of stuff! i imagine they're the kind of couple to share a glass of wine to a job well done after they successfully harvest souls.

most trivial thing they fight over: i wouldn't call it trivial, but i think jakob was at least a little upset with aldous for fucking up that one time. i think that incompetence of any sort exhausts jakob after his experiences at home (like this post haha). not that he views aldous as incompetent in any way—after all, he chose him to be his right hand—but, i mean, he goofed in a pretty big way. regardless, jakob can't stay mad at aldous for long.

how often do they fight: they don't really fight much. i think aldous finds shouting disrespectful, and they mostly work in tandem, so it doesn't happen often. when it does, though, i feel like it's a big deal. i mean, a long time without speaking and a lot of pining, because both men can be stubborn. eventually, though, they can't stand to be apart.

who uses all the hot water: both.. together :)

who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working: aldous. he doesn't want jakob to have to deal with that shit

who leaves their stuff around: they're both rather organized. mr. crow meticulously folds his clothes after washing them, even though it takes forever, and both men keep their suits nice and pressed.

who remembers to buy the milk: aldous gets it! he never lets jakob want for anything—the fridge is always stocked before jakob even has to ask.

who controls the netflix queue: i think they watch netflix together, cuddled up in bed or on the couch. aldous asks a million questions. jakob always answers, even if that answer is "i know the same amount of information as you, dearest".

who steals the covers at night: no one really can, since they sleep tangled together.

who cusses more: jakob when he was younger. now? neither, really.

who does most of the cleaning: aldous, or he sees that someone else does it. he doesn't like to let jakob worry about such things.

what’s their favorite non-sexual activity: talking! they really, really enjoy each others' company, whether that's over a glass of wine surrounded by candlelight, in the bath, or in bed. both of these men have had very long lives, so they have much to talk about.

who’s the cuddler: both! birds are cuddly :>

source

who’s the big spoon/little spoon: usually it's jakob big/aldous little. aldous likes to rest his head on jakob's chest (i hc that jakob is taller).

who’s more dominant: mr. owl.

who is the dirty talker: their brand of "dirty talking" imo is more like pillow talk. idk they're just pretty affectionate and like to praise each other. however, i'm gonna lean aldous for this one. i think aldous absolutely WORSHIPS jakob, and he makes it known both in and out of the bedroom.

what do they do when they’re away from each other: miss each other. a lot. both are mutually reliant on each other—aldous makes sure to make jakob's life easier, and jakob in turn gives aldous a sense of direction. therefore, their separation can be hard on both of them. they try to busy themselves with other things (there's a lot of work to be done), and remind themselves that ultimately, they serve the lake.

what would they do if the other one was hurt: both would be very worried, but the injured one would try to put on a brave face for the other. of course, both of them are seemingly immortal, but they also know what it's like to be mortal men, and the memories are all too fresh. they're very protective of each other.

a headcanon: i think that they both struggle to adapt with the times, even if they feel that they need to. for instance, they don't like to give up their old-timey pet names for each other, and mr. crow doesn't like the new-age suits. of course, he grins and bears it because it's part of being immortal, but he still believes that it doesn't matter because.. i mean.. they can turn into birds. being inconspicuous isn't exactly important to him. on the other hand, jakob kinda likes playing different roles to suit his needs. we see this in the white door, for instance. i think it allows him to live out some of the things he missed out on in his youth, whereas aldous got to live out a full life. regardless, as the times change, the biggest constant they have is each other.

[bluestjayy]

Emotional Post/Vent under the Cut (but positive this time, I think!)

I've been suffering with chronic depression since I was about 14. I've cycled through therapy a lot, I've been on antidepressants since I was 18.

You get some good advice and you get some bad advice. And often this is also contextual to yourself. Some things that work really well for me might make other people worse, that kind of thing.

By far one of the best bits of advice I ever got was to find something to keep you alive right now. Doesn't matter how small it is. Doesn't matter if it feels silly or inconsequential, if it works, put it on a list.

A reasons to live list.

Recently as I've been in what I think might be the worst mental health state of my life this far, I started small. Really small. And I mean each reason bought me a few hours.

I can't die yet because I have to take the trash out and my roommate is too scared of the bin store to do it herself. I can't die yet because I have a food item in the fridge that will go off if I don't eat it today. I can't die yet because the youtuber I like just posted a new video so I should watch that first.

After that, you start to buy yourself days. It's I can't die yet because I kinda wanna see the Venom movie this weekend. I can't die yet because there's a new episode of my favourite show this week. I can't die yet because on Fridays we order takeout food and I'm really craving it.

Next comes weeks, and even in some cases, months. I can't die yet cause I bought the perfect Christmas present for my friend and I want to make sure she gets it. I can't die yet because I have a pre-ordered item arriving. I can't die yet because they're gonna make xyz show/movie and I want to watch it.

I can't die yet because I have unfinished stories I want to tell.

And now, I am getting to look further ahead before than I have been able to for a very long time. I'm getting to say things like, I can't die yet because I'm going to own my own place one day. I can't die yet, cause in a year or two I'm going to go to Thailand with my best friend. I can't die yet, because I want to be able to get a pet cat one day, and then I won't be able to die because they'll need me to take care of them.

It feels good, that all my small steps are adding up. It feels really overwhelming that I'm starting to see these little but very real changes in myself, that I can start to see a path to a future where I survive.

And wish I could tell many people, but specifically Jeff, Barcode, and Bible (+ the whole 4 Mins team tbh) how a lot of the time, especially in the early days - they were my reasons.

There were days I woke up and said I can't die today because Barcode has a new song I need to hear. Or I can't die today because Jeff is in concert and I'm not missing those fan cams. Week to week I would tell myself I can't die today because I need to know what the fuck is happening in 4 Minutes.

They've helped me get to the point where they're part of my much bigger goals. I can't die right now because I want to see Jeff perform live in person at least once, I can't die until we get Wuju Bakery AND Happy Ending on our screens. I can't die until Bible comes to Europe somehow.

And in all of this, if you're reading, I need to also say how this community has helped me so much. This little corner of the internet we have gathered together. So much of me waking up each day is tied to not wanting to miss the stories you write and the art you make and the meta you discuss and the GIFs and the fanvids and the brainrot. All of it. Has helped me keep going, so as much as the idol's we look up to, you're all very important to other people.

There's folk out there who think about you on their worst days and feel comfort. Who seek out your creations to soothe themselves. Who find community in your Tumblr blogs and discord servers so.

Thank you, I guess. To all of you, and of course, to the boys.

And for anyone else struggling. Find a reason. Any reason at all. Make a list, and stick with us.

The world is a better place with you in it 💛

[ji-ja]

I haven't published something for a while now except for reblogging and I haven't planned to, but I'd like to share something or rather someone to y'all

I can't draw so I tried to recreate my vision of the character in Picrew.me

Meet Sylo, my first full OC! When I roleplayed I always used myself or a version of myself(kid, genderbend etc.) or a character I knew well enough, but a few weeks ago an idea of him came to my mind. I never thought that I could create something like that before, though I tried.

Anyway, I've been watching and reading stuff about writing your character and I hope to receive some critics and questions. Keep in mind that I still haven't quite thought about their story.

Sylo - automaton, who you can't tell from a regular human visually. He eats only non organic materials to repair and keep himself alive. Yes, they buy regular goods, but they only eat the packaging and give away food to shelters and orphanages. The staff doesn't trust Sylo enough for them to bring already opened products (it could be poisoned), but they're already used to it, so the automaton opens it only when he arrives. The orphanage employees don't understand why he takes the "trash" back with him, but they just stopped questioning it. They thought that Sylo recycles it and started giving him other non organic stuff (washing it priorly of course), the robot doesn't mind. They've been living among humans for quite awhile, working at the service industry. Sylo doesn't have real emotions, he only imitates them by analysing other people so it's easy for them to keep a friendly smile in front of clients, he's boss's favorite employee.

!Important!: Sylo doesn't have emotions and doesn't want them, they're great like this. And they give away food "cause they noticed someone doing it.

Sylo has chocolate-colored skin, purely white hair (eyebrows and eyelashes too), black eyes with somewhat long eyelashes, fluffy messy chin length hair that is tied in a really long ponytail. Their body isn't masculine but isn't feminine either though they have nice pecks, waist and thighs. He wears a black halter turtleneck with loose heavy white shirt on top, dark blue palazzo pants, white socks and a pair of white loafers. He always has his a black shoulder bag.

Sylo regularly surfs the Internet, analysing sites and people in it, studying how to act like a human (that's where they found about charity. It's not profitable for them to be a "bad person"). Automaton can't just suck up ALL the information in mere seconds, but he's still faster then humans, so he doesn't know everything.

Pronouns: any, main ones are he/him and they/them.

Gender/sex(yes, biological too): gender-neutral. What did you expect?

Full name: Sylo Mack. No last name ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, he doesn't have anyone to gain it from.

Sylo doesn't lie and it's difficult for them to detect lies. They don't lie so they won't be seen as a "bad person" in people's eyes, but they do understand what lying is and why it exists.

They're punctual and decent, but I wouldn't call Sylo a perfectionist, it's only for convenience and to please others.

Sylo has friends, but he doesn't know about their existence. If you ask his friends about him, they would describe him as a cute, open and thoughtful person, though they won't be able to say anything personal. If Sylo was asked about their friends, then the automaton would get confused and they'd ask who are you talking about. When you'd specify he'll tell you lots of information about them, it's easy for him to win over people. The robot will imitate excitement, realizing that he's talking about his "friends", but in reality he doesn't feel anything for them.

Sylo doesn't need food, but there's always something in the fridge for the guests. Usually it's wine, snacks for it and something for tea or coffee. Wine is probably the most expensive thing he owns, not counting the furniture 'cause he doesn't really need anything else.

The automaton can't distinguish the taste of anything, so they don't really have favorite food, but if you count something that they consume the most, then it'll be remainings of electronics and plastic. That way his technical hobbies are surfing the internet and donating to charity.

Sylo's goal is to survive and keep his identity of an automaton as a secret. They think they're doing a good job even though they often get confused by human's reactions, not understanding their emotions. His fatal flaw is the lack of humanity in him.

Sylo has some habits. For example he literally puts his fingers, head and other parts of his body in place, but from the side it seems like he's just cracking his neck or knuckles and stretching. Sylo gnaws on pens, literally eating it sometimes, they tend to fix their clothes and hair frequently to look more presentable for other people. They often flirt with people by accident because the automaton doesn't know how people will react to words and compliments that he found on Internet. Sylo walks almost silently sometimes scaring people accidentally and then apologizing.

The robot always has his handbag with him, where he always keeps some non organic snacks for himself, a hairbrush, his keys and also anything spare for others (bandaids, power banks, chargers, pills and many more).

Sylo's hands and body are cold most of the time, but if needed they can turn on the heater inside of them. Also they can change font which they're writing on paper with, but mostly they use "Comic Sans" :).

P.S.: actually its just one of the most popular font and it's easy to use for someone with dyslexia, that's why he chose it.

If no one's around Sylo they're mostly silent with a poker face, but as soon as someone interacts with them the automaton starts to smile and ask anything about the person. There're some exceptions. When he's analyzing his surroundings and notices a person with a problem, then he's most likely gonna come up to them and help, but only if there's any observers around and the robot knows how to act in this situation. Technically Sylo is an egoist. He's more of a listener than a teller, not counting situations when he explains something to clients. Sylo speaks pretty fast, but if you'll ask he'll slow down and repeat what he said with ease. He's straightforward and he always looks in the eyes when talking to someone. They don't use metaphors, sayings or others figures of speech because he doesn't understand it's importance for them. Their speech is formal, but they try to switch to informal when speaking among non colleagues, though they still can't really distinguish situations when they need to use someone's full name, nickname or diminutive-affectionate version or a name. People around Sylo find him funny by the way he talks sometimes, but when he tries to tell a joke, usually the one he heard or found on the Internet, no one's laughing, because the joke is probably old, not funny or not to place.

Fun facts about Sylo:

Sylo uses these 3-in-1 shampoos.

He was hit by a bus once.

Sylo doesn't sleep.

It won't take much to make them "evil".

They can't sit properly (they're trying to figure out which pose to take).

Sylo is smart, but also dumb.

He doesn't shower for 2-3 weeks (tidyness and lack of "product waste" help staying clean)

Sylo doesn't know when or why should he apologize.

Sylo is asexual (what a surprise).

They have no idea when someone is in love with them.

Sylo can walk in heels and platforms with ease.

When he only started living among humans he was often confused with different shops, so yes, he tried buying clothes in the soup store.

Well, maybe someone will see this ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[nukenai]

I haven't exactly seen this opinion around, but I hope people don't take the whole "poor people deserve nice things too" attitude and attribute it to like... pets you can't afford. Like obviously people deserve internet access and like. A fridge that works. Those aren't "luxuries" anymore, at all. But when I see people be like "oh my god, my cat's vet visit cost $150, I don't have that money" ...well, you shouldn't have a cat, actually. Animals require yearly exams and vaccinations, not just vet visits when something goes wrong. And an average vet visit is gonna cost $100-$200 even when everything is fine. If you can't afford that for all your animals, it means you can't actually afford to give them basic care. Also, spaying and neutering is expensive (which is a big problem and more affordable clinics should be supported) and if you get your pet as a Cute Baby you're gonna have to do that. Sorry. Spaying and neutering is basic animal care for many animals.

Having pets is a luxury lifestyle choice. And you can say shit like "I need animals for emotional support reasons" all you want, but the fact is that if you can't afford their care, you shouldn't have them. They're living creatures with their own lives, you shouldn't be getting a cat just because you want one for your anxiety. They're not tools or objects for your consumption alone. And obviously everyone has emergencies but I'm talking about routine care and like, food.

And it makes me feel like an asshole to say all this, but it really is true! It feels like a real controversial opinion but it shouldn't be. I don't even wanna say "it shouldn't be, in my opinion" bc we're not talking about someone buying a ton of anime figures when they don't have enough money or something. Animals are living creatures and are not just objects for your comfort or one-sided companionships. They REQUIRE a lot of money and effort to keep and are a responsibility. I'm also of the opinion that there's really no excuse for not understanding proper care of smaller animals species in this day and age. You have the internet. Read before you buy something. No a hamster cannot live in a 10 gallon aquarium.

Anyways. Just my periodic frustrated screaming about people not caring for animals properly. A huge movement should be made to not shame people for rehoming or surrendering animals for the animal's best interest. You Wanting A Dog in your tiny apartment or whatever should never supersede the animal's actual care requirements and ability to thrive. Not sorry! Idc how much you want a corgi, they're a herding breed and your 4th floor studio apartment is not an appropriate place for them. Honestly that's not even an appropriate amount of space for a cat. Fucking hell.

[disease-danger-darkness-silence]

I have a smart TV and it sucks. I use a Chromecast Google sent me for free (I've had a Gmail account for literally 20 years, they just send me shit sometimes, it's weird. I also have a Google Nest, but I don't use it). It's loads better.

I like flat-screen, LCD and LED TVs. I do not want to return to the days of low-res, heavy-ass tube or CRT TVs.

But I don't need a smart TV. I have a Chromecast and it works just fine. I can take it with me places to watch things on other people's TVs, or I can put it in the computer monitor at the end of my bed that I use as a gaming TV/screen.

I legitimately will not buy appliances that have smart functions unless it will benefit me in a huge way. I will shop secondhand.

I want my fridge to be a fridge. I don't want it to be a smart list or a smart noteboard or a smart calendar or a photo board. I want it to be a fridge. I want to be able to put magnets on the front.

My washer, my dryer, my stand mixer, my toilet, my stove, my shower, my sink, none of these things needs to be smart. I'll even keep my vacuum dumb - I like roombas but if I need internet or a network to connect to an appliance to make it work, I won't use it.

Maybe it's just because I learned IT from my dad in the wild west of the Internet days, when AOL discs were actually Spyware before we had a word for that, and before wifi existed, but I'm paranoid. I keep a lot of stuff digital but you know what? My fridge doesn't need access to it.

THANKS.

[secretewagmaterial]

Glow-Up & Weight Journal:

TW: Please do not read this if you're struggling with an ED or any sort of mental health issue. This is not an ED account, this is my personal weight and glow up journal.

Day # 5

Weight - 211.9 lbs.

"You ever just wanna scream"

Hello tumblr!

Woke up at 7:12AM which was,,, odd. I did some squats this morning that have my legs screaming atm. I don't know why my legs still hurt but maybe this will go away with time. By the way, I took my meds this morning and took my melatonin before writing this. Unpopular opinion but I prefer the pill version and not the gummy version. The gummy version gets stuck to my gums and I literally hate it.

Had a pretty chill day afterwards actually. While I did plan to wash my hair today and such, I couldn't find the shampoo and hair conditioner I use and, of course, I refuse to use the head and shoulders we have. It literally dries out my hair? somehow?

Went on a walk which was cool, def recommend it (even if it's far too cold). I've been looking at towns to move to and I think I've officially found the place for me! It's an hour away from a friend of mine (not too much imo) and the living cost is 5% lower than the current town I'm in. I've got the plan to move out after my trip (sometime between summer and autumn). Most likely moving in during a holiday weekend so I can have extra time to set up my work internet and computer since I need to be connect with an ethernet cord. Those who get it, get it.

I want to wash my hair either tomorrow or Monday since I'm off that day. This did fuck me over but my older brother is coming over tomorrow with his fam and I love them of course but I'm having a bad week. Like I do not need people coming over to make a mess. This is why I want to move out so bad, I'm never alone.

I have a list of teas my friend recommended to me! There's a few different blends and even some caffeine free options (lol love u to death girl) because she went to a tea house. Also, on my walk I stopped by the store and they didn't have the new pink and blue red bulls,,, I was so sad. I love me a good red bull. My friend L joked she'd buy me a red bull fridge for my apartment once I move out.

God I can't stop giggling about moving out. I think about it day and night, it's literally the best thing ever. My friend L did help me out with getting over the guilt of moving out thankfully. I love my family, yes, but I will die if I stay in this house past 20.

Anyway, my melatonin is hitting and I'm on the verge of buying tons of fashion magazines.

Bbbbyyyeeeee~

[trickster-whim]

Chaotic photograph session of the stuff I got from goodwill because my house has been taken over by giant boxes of bean bag stuffing, and it's too dark out to take photos outside. Why don't they just cut out the middle man, am I right?

Anyway, on to the things I bought:

First up, I've been looking for scarves to use as gift wrapping, and I liked this green dramatic flowery one.

I didn't know where else to photograph it, so I just threw it on the fridge. It went right into the cleaning pot anyway. My sister's birthday is Monday (I'm writing this on Saturday lol), so I have to get it cleaned and dried before then.

Another awkward shot, but this apron was really my style!

It's from Reprime, I guess, not a brand I'm familiar with. I've been looking for an apron either for painting or cooking, or both, and this one was $1.50, is one of my favorite colors, and has a cool zippered pocket as well as two open ones, so I kind of needed it.

Ooo, bad photos. I found this sheet that's half white with dino prints and half blue with dinos (like, just straight up half-and-half, no border or anything). I really liked the look of the dinos, so I want to whip this into a skirt. It was also only $1.50, so even if that plan falls through, it can live in my stash for a while.

The next stuff is a group photo because of tumblr's dumb photo limit, but it's lotsa stuff.

The Sailor Jupiter was a big surprise, I gotta say! I don't remember if I had Jupiter as a kid, but I did have some of the senshi, so a 90s Irwin Sailor Moon doll was really nostalgic to find.

Of course she's uhhh bald. The cashier saw her and went, "Wow, she's been through it," and I couldn't agree more. Her legs are a little sticky and stained, and the battery in her back was bad, so it's likely that her hair just fell out. I could reroot her, but I don't have hair on hand and I don't remember where my rerooting tool is, so she might get a wig instead. I haven't decided!

She was arguably overpriced at $6.50, but she did have her gloves, shoes, and necklace, and I wanted her, so she was my big splurge for the trip.

Ooh that shadow. My kitchen is a terrible place for photos ooh.

Jupiter having her Catwoman moment.

Anyway, I love little plushies, and I saw a bag full of McDonald's plush and pound purries (it's stylized as Pound Pur-r-ries on the tag, but everyone just writes purries so idk) and I had to bite. The McDonald's plush are 1997's Animal Pals, and I think we had the moose when I was a kid? Also the Internet says the bottom one is a brown bear, but I know a wombat when I see one.

Kinda funny that the plushies and Jupiter are both marked 1997. The plush are also in good condition, and they fit right in into my tiny plush collection!

The book was mostly a response to my constant impulse to buy vintage or antique books that cost a dollar. I also love poetry, but these poems are... let's just say not my style. I haven't finished the book, but my favorite so far is "Cat".

The twins have a bunch of toys, many of which make noise, and they love chasing their tails. The only thing is they aren't allowed out. They're indoor babies and also trapped in their baby house mostly.

And lastly, I have such a hard time resisting Halloween kitsch, so when I saw these adorably terrible hanging sign things, I just... I needed them.

They also glow in the dark!

I think I might put them in my window, and it's not lost on me that I passed on a trans flag but had to buy these. It's a compulsion.

Of course, I bought kind of a lot and spent kind of a lot of money, but things are really going on around here, and getting out of the house was a necessity. And I can't say no to things.

Also, interestingly, they've started a bag tax at goodwill! It's the first time I've seen that in Arizona; mostly cashiers are baffled when I pull out one of my dozen Halloween bags because I really don't like plastic bags. Bag taxes are pretty annoying, but it's good practice to use some sort of reusable bags. We've gotten a few from restaurants free with purchase, and libraries. The Halloween ones mostly from target, which used to have a whole bunch of cool stuff. Not anymore, though. Not anymore...

Ok bai!!

[external-accountability]

Day twenty-four!

I was really busy cleaning the kitchen and such today that I kind of last track of time. So my eating wasn't too evenly spaced out, which is on me because I felt myself getting hungry about halfway through my three hour cleaning spree but I was cleaning the KITCHEN and the smell of bleach was really not doing anything for my appetite plus I didn't want to lose momentum. But on the bright side I was doing so much today to prep for the cookout this weekend that I stayed active practically the whole day which was nice.

Surprise surprise, I didn't drink as much water as I should have. I really need to work on that. But I did buy some beverages the other day to hopefully break up the monotony of just water (though I love water, don't get me wrong). Also, as soon as I get in a groove and can organize my fridge well enough I'll try and make room for my tea pitcher so I can have my unsweet green tea again. When I have that at my disposal I practically never have to worry about staying hydrated. My Ma always keeps a pitcher of it in the fridge at home so when I go to visit next week I'm gonna be going through it like it's the best cold leaf juice ever. My apologies for the ATLA reference and also I'm pretty tired so I'm a little loopy. There's much to do tomorrow which includes assembling my new grill (I'm stoked, pun intended) and more cleaning.

Goodnight internet void people 💙 sweet dreams

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Monday, January 1st, 2024!

10:29am We are alive mf's!!! We made it to the new year!

Currently having my semi-annual financial hoopla but things will work themselves out 😇

January goals: not spending money basically.

- don't get so drunk, it is not fun anymore!

- stop buying food/ drinks out! Too much $

- look for free activities

- free hobbies

- be mindful of what you're doing! And not doing!

- wake up earlier and go to bed earlier! (Gradual)

1:01pm I have already caved and have gotten PDQ 🤣 it's all good I'm straight chilling ❤️ Stay positive y'all. Watching A Historia Delas on Hulu, looks pretty good!

3:45pm Ok so PDQ has made me completely lethargic, the salt has made me totally bloated AF like I feel it in my belly and my feet and hands. I want to work on increasing my energy levels this year and omg this was not the right thing to do. I'm so bloated I'm too uncomfortable to nap even. This show is very good though thank god bc I'm clearly not doing much else today.

Also, one of my wall adjacent neighbors has been playing freaking dubstep or something for like 2 hrs straight and I just realized it's making my brain feel weird/ fuzzy but I couldn't identify why tf I felt that way before. There's so much damn noise in the world it's no wonder everyone is losing their mind/ irritable and slightly annoyed all the time.

8:04pm I did my nails! Also binge watching this show was a very good decision, the best I've made all day 🤣 Tried eating some cheese and it's too much!! My body is just rejecting all of this rich af holiday food and I should really clean out the fridge tomorrow and start fresh. I know it's a waste but idc I don't want to keep feeling like crap and I hate expired food. It's not my fault I went on vacation for like 10 days and all this was too much. I'm still not used to buying/ cooking food for one person. I need to stop buying gallons of milk ffs! It's way too much I had to have like 4 cups last night bc it was expiring today. This is just all part of being mindful, everything is a learning process! You are ok and you are doing great! ❤️

Also, learning more and more about how abusive my relationship is and I'm so glad the internet exists because it would have been so easy to just *not* be aware of this experience that i unfortunately share with many people!! Narcissistic abuse is real and I am ready to keep healing!! Can't fool me twice.

I loved talking to his grandmother though, she is so wise and sweet and I love that she really doesn't play his BS and can see through it, amen!!! I can't believe she said what I thought she would say.... She wants them to move out together so that they'll break up already!!!! That shit is crazy she really said that!!! I may be young but I am not stupid and I saw that shit coming from MILES away literally.

9:41pm He keeps randomly texting me and tbh at this point it's so crystal clear what he's doing and it's pathetic. Simply I have no admiration for him, no respect above human decency really, it's just pathetic is the only word for it. He clearly needs psychological help, and I'm not a psychologist! Also, don't you have a gf to text who literally hates me? Get it together, bro, you're not fooling anyone (except her?? Poor girl tbh she's really getting her payback/ karma in spades I'm sure) thanks universe :) love ya.

PS why does he keep bringing up the music thing?? Does he have no other lines I don't really get it. What tf am I supposed to do about that anyway. I listen to all of his music and my music just fine (oh wait it's because I took time to heal and didn't jump into another toxic relationship 7 days later!!) Get a grip, dude, you're not getting anyone's sympathy here.

Made a to do list for tomorrow so we'll see how that goes! Also I'm sleeping naked so we're trying lots of new things!

[stagandhoneybeehealing]

Let us begin...

I have tried to start this before. I have spent too much time on the internet the past few years, like many of us, and have come to believe it both harms and heals. It scares me. On purpose and I resent that. But then it will make me laugh and then it will give me hope and then I learn something valuable. So I am here. Wanting to make my little mark even if it's to one person.

I have been thinking about homesteading, natural medicine, good, healthy food for years and dabbled in all now and then. I am a science believer with a crystal collection. I am practical but consult my tarot. I try not to eat meat but love a bratwurst. I am finding my groove.

Last night, I burned the zucchini bread. I had grated and frozen this zucchini and felt very smug at having saved this vegetable from certain compost death and pulled it out, mixed up a batter, and I was doing this all very haphazardly....and thinking how the cottage core homesteader people would be feeling uncomfortable with this very muppet chef-like approach to this project but that most people, normal people living in apartments or little houses in little towns or big cities might relate to this. And then I started thinking about the herbs I have grown and gardens I want to grow and food I plan to make and preserve.....could I make this real and approachable for the every day humans like myself? Can I help others learn to do things simply, cheaply, safely without feeling overwhelmed?

I consider myself sustainable, but buy stuff in plastic sometimes and am so tired on certain days, I cannot always be as mindful as I like...but what about "ugly sustainability?' This idea that we think about it...we act on it as much as we can, we remember to laugh....and we show the failed garden and the burnt bread and the gross things we forgot to label when we canned stuff last summer... or 4 summers ago.

Let's be real. I'm going to show you. I'm going to stand there in my not perfect clothes and my somewhat jumbled house and we are going to do things even if we don't quite know how yet, and even though it may not be perfect and our kitchens are messy.

This is for the uninternet ready# people. You are safe here. My fridge is a disaster and I do not know what is on the very back of the shelves. Reheat your coffee again and join me.