#like i don't want to buy a fridge with internet on it

[heavenknowsffs]

Makes me sad that one day there will only be fully automated cars and phones without basic features (i.e charger and headphone jack) and everything will become more and more useless to the point your old actual good gadgets will be impossible to find or replace and you will have to settle for its modern horrible version of it that is useless and 10x more expensive

[krirebr]

Thanksgiving with the Barbers

Pairing: dark!Andy Barber x f!reader

Word Count: ~3.4k

Summary: You and Andy celebrate Thanksgiving. Part of the Trapped AU.

Warnings: Dark elements, kidnapping, references to punishment, isolation, solitary confinement, hunger, negative self-talk, manipulation, angst, mental breakdown - This is a rough one, guys. All of my work is 18+ - Minors DNI

Dividers by @strangergraphics

Masterlist

A/N: So... remember this part from I Don't Want a Lot for Christmas?

"Don’t you want this Christmas to be better than Thanksgiving?” It took everything in you not to grimace. You still felt the marks from what he’d done to you after Thanksgiving dinner.

Yeah. This is that Thanksgiving.

Big thanks as always to @paperweight91 who read so much of this and always encourages me to go as dark as my twisted little heart desires.

Any comment, reblog, or ask to let me know what you think will be greatly appreciated. Even if it's just screeching at me. As always, thank you so much for reading! 💜

Andy’s soft murmurs traveled down the hallway to you from the entryway as he said goodbye to his guests. You couldn’t tell how things had gone. He’d seemed happy enough but as he’d started introducing you to his life outside these walls, you’d learned quickly how easily he could have one face for the world and a different one for you. He’d stressed many times all week how important it was that your first holiday together be perfect. Was it? Had you done enough?

You busied yourself with cleaning up the dining room, trying to ignore the churning dread in your stomach. The leftover turkey, mashed potatoes, and roasted vegetables had already been moved to the kitchen, waiting to be put away in the fridge. Then you’d start on the endless dishes. Hopefully, that would buy you some time alone, while Andy went back to the football on TV. 

You kept your head down and continued gathering the discarded plates as Andy’s heavy footsteps came down the hall. He entered the dining room and leaned against the old-fashioned buffet that took over one wall, his arms crossed over his chest. You felt his eyes on you, but you kept your own eyes down and didn’t say anything. You knew better now. 

You had a tall stack of plates now that you wanted to take into the kitchen, but you were afraid of turning your back on him and leaving the room. So, you stood where you were, and you waited. 

Finally, he cleared his throat. You looked up. “You were awfully quiet at dinner,” he said, softly, but there was an edge of steel in his tone. 

“No, I–” you started and immediately regretted it. That was a bad word. “I just didn’t have much to add to the conversation.” The guests were all Andy’s colleagues and their spouses. It’d been too much shop talk to keep track of. On top of being so many more people than you were used to.

Andy made a thoughtful little hum before he continued. “Barbara commented on it, as she said goodbye. Wanted to be sure you were ok, hadn’t felt left out.”

You forced a smile, trying to stop your hands from shaking. “Yes, I’m fine. I had a nice time. It was a good dinner.”

He pushed himself off of the buffet, straightening to his full height. “Really, you thought it was a good dinner? With a dry turkey and an unfriendly hostess?”

You couldn’t help the way you blanched. You’d never cooked a whole turkey before or anything like it.  And you didn’t have access to the internet right now, so you were limited to the highbrow cookbooks Andy had bought for you. While those recipes were detailed, they didn’t exactly have tips and tricks for beginners. You’d tried your best. And no one at dinner had complained. Everyone seemed to enjoy it. You’d thought it was ok. But he didn’t want to hear you defend yourself, so you said nothing. 

He looked at the dirty dishes spread across the table and scowled. “Finish cleaning this up,” he said. “We’ll continue this conversation when you’re done.”

You nodded quickly with a quiet, “Yes, Andy,” trying to keep your sigh of relief inside. He hadn’t said you’d continue the conversation downstairs, hadn’t said anything about a timeout or a punishment. You might be ok. You might get off with just a lecture. You could handle an upstairs lecture—kneeling at Andy’s feet while he listed all the ways you’d disappointed him and everything you needed to do to be better. Sometimes you even got to stay fully clothed. Lectures were fine. Lectures were easy. As long as you got to stay upstairs, you’d be ok.

Without another word, he moved into the kitchen. You heard him opening and closing the fridge as you continued organizing the dishes into neat stacks to hopefully make cleaning up a little easier. He came back with a beer in his hand, moving through to the living room to watch the evening game. As he started to walk by the table, the movement drew your eye to something, his reflection caught in the shiny steel. The carving knife. Just lying there next to the turkey.

The knife block had sensors in it, just like all the doors downstairs or the front door of the house. You had to scan your wristband every time you needed to use a knife while cooking and it would send an alert to Andy’s phone, letting him know whenever you used one, for how long, and when you put it back. But the carving knife, he’d taken that out himself today. As the man of the house, he had to be the one to carve the turkey. And then he’d just left it there, forgotten about it. The carving knife.

As you stood there, staring at it, it was like all of the parts of yourself he’d worked so hard to turn off, suddenly came roaring back on. How much you hated the dress you currently wore. How exhausted you were after working in the kitchen all day without a single thank you. The lecture that you knew awaited you, being forced to kneel at his feet. All of your own holiday traditions that had been stolen from you so that you could accommodate his. Everything he’d taken from you. The rage bubbling up inside of you was cleansing. You felt it giving you new breath, new life. You felt yourself coming back.

You looked up at Andy as he continued to move, his back to you now. That perfect, broad expanse. You could see it so clearly. The way you’d bury that knife between his shoulder blades. You lunged across the table.

Andy spun around as soon as he heard you move, his bottle of beer slipping from his hand, it’s contents spilling everywhere. Somehow, in that instant, he saw what you were grasping for and lunged for it too. Oh god, he was so much closer to it. You'd timed it all wrong. You were stupid in your desperation and anger. Oh well. You'd already made the choice. There was no turning back now.

You threw yourself onto the table, arm outstretched, dirty plates beneath you, just as his hand wrapped around the handle of the knife. You let out a guttural scream as he threw it away from you and it clattered against the baseboards. 

A beat too late, you tried to crawl backward, your knees struggling for purchase on the tablecloth, plates crashing to the floor, but Andy had already grabbed your still outstretched arm, dragging you towards him as you flailed, trying and failing to grab onto anything that might help you. 

He pulled you over the edge of the table and you fell to the floor, landing harshly in a jumble, more plates falling around you. He loomed over you, face completely overtaken by rage. But it couldn’t compare to yours. You kicked out wildly, indiscriminately and you’d never felt more satisfied than when you landed a few hits to his shins and he grunted in pain. Your satisfaction was short-lived, however, as he recovered and reached down to wrap his hands around both your wrists, even as you struggled as hard as you could to get away from him. 

He didn’t say a word as he dragged you across the floor. That was fine. You had no problem filling the silence. “You fucking motherfucker!” you screamed, the frustration and terror and anger of the last several months finally finding an outlet. “I hate you! I’m gonna kill you! I’m gonna burn this house to the fucking ground!”

Your struggles kicked up a notch as he opened the door to the basement with one hand, the other now holding on to both of your wrists. “No!” you yelled. “You can’t fucking do this! I’m done pretending to be your perfect little wife! You can’t–”

He wasn’t gentle at all as he yanked you down the stairs. You had to pause your fighting and screaming as you fell, the breath knocked out of you. You tried to protect your head, tried to protect any part of your body you could as you hit every step. Your dress did nothing to help as it gathered above your waist. You were exposed and vulnerable. But what else was new? You were immune to it now, after being debased every single day for months.

He paused at the bottom of the stairs to adjust his hold on you, using both hands to drag you again. Still, he said nothing. But you caught your breath and resumed your litany of hate. “You’re so fucking weak. You’re pathetic. Of course, you had to buy a wife. Who would love you willingly?” The carpet burned your skin as he dragged you across it, but you continued to struggle, continued to scream. Nothing would stop you now. “You’re disgusting. Embarrassing.”

He stopped in front of the door to the quiet room and you almost laughed. Did he really think this was just some little tantrum a time-out would fix?  Did he really not understand the rage and power that flowed through you now? Did he really think a few hours in the dark would quell this? No way. After everything you’d been through, everything you felt now, you could handle the quiet room.

He threw you in and closed the door behind you. You sank down into the darkness. This was fine. This was great. The darkness couldn’t hurt you.

You’d forgotten what it was like to have no understanding of the passage of time. It’d been hours. It had to have been hours. Right? 

He would come get you soon. What would you do then? Attack him as best you could. The rage still coursed through you. You were done laying down for him.

It must be getting late. It’d already been evening when the guests left. You were so tired now. Exhausted. But you had to be ready when Andy opened the door.

You startled awake as the furnace whirred to life. You were slumped over against the wall, your face pushed into the cinder block. It felt grimy.

You didn’t remember falling asleep. How long had it been? Minutes? Hours? Where was Andy? Whatever tenuous grasp you’d had on what time it was was completely gone now. That was ok. Andy would come soon and you’d beat the shit out of him, and then you would know what time it was.

It was the hunger that hit you first, but the thirst hit you harder. You knew now that this was the longest he’d ever left you here. You’d never gone hungry like this before. Well. He would let you out soon. He had to.

Your stomach hurt with how hungry you were. Your throat ached. Would he just let you die down here? Was he that angry? So angry that he’d decided to cut his losses. Start over with someone new. Was starving to death better than your life upstairs? Or the basement? You honestly didn’t know.

You were sprawled across the floor, as much as you could in the small space. What was the point of being upright? You could barely even tell which way was up anymore. It was all just darkness.

Suddenly, you were hit by a sliver of blinding light. What was happening? It took you embarrassingly long to realize it must have been a slot in the door you’d never seen before. Then something slid through it. You blinked at it, trying to get your eyes to focus, trying to make sense of what you saw. Oh my god, it was food! You lunged for it and tried to pull the tray to you, but it wouldn’t budge. That was better anyway. You needed the light to eat.  

On the tray was a small plate of leftover turkey and green beans and a bottle of water, along with a small plastic fork. You went for the water first, downing it, and then scarfed up the food, not even tasting it. After a few minutes, on the other side of the slot, you heard an alarm go off, and the tray was pulled back, a few bites still on the plate. “Andy, wait!” you called out, but the slot slammed closed and you were in the dark again.

You didn’t have anything to do. You couldn’t remember the last time you had nothing to do. Before Andy brought you here. Evenings in your little apartment, watching TV and eating takeout, fucking around on your phone. You hadn’t done that, hadn’t even thought about doing it in months. 

When you first got here, when your list of chores felt insurmountable and ridiculous, you would’ve given anything for the chance to lay around and do nothing. But now, it didn’t feel right. You should find a way to be productive. Andy was going to be so disappointed in you.

You hated yourself for thinking it.

You tried to do some yoga. You were so stiff from laying on the floor, but it was too hard when you couldn’t see how much space you had and were too scared of hurting yourself on the furnace or hitting the wall. So you went back to doing nothing.

The worst thing about waking up in this room was that you had no memory of falling asleep. It was all just darkness. Maybe there was no real difference between sleeping and being awake. How could you even tell anymore?

Andy brought another meal. Well, you assumed it was him. There was no one else. But you didn’t see him. He didn’t say anything. The tray was pushed through the slot, you ate and drank as fast as you could, the tray was pulled away. You didn’t say anything to him either.

You were so fucking bored. You’d tried singing to yourself. Running through old movies you remembered watching on TV as a kid. Reciting passages from old books. You felt like you were running out of thoughts.

There’d been three meals. If you could count the meals, that was sort of like keeping track of time, right? Even though you had no idea how often he brought them. Still, it had to be something.

The furnace was going to drive you insane. That whirring, whirring, whirring. White noise that wouldn’t stop. So loud you were afraid that the noise was just inside your head now. Maybe the furnace wasn’t even on.

“Andy,” you called out when the slot opened. “Andy, please.” He didn’t say anything. He never said anything.

The timer must have gone off sooner this time. The tray was pulled back when you were only halfway done. You started crying as the slot started to slide closed. Your stomach felt too empty.

You realized your mistake after he was gone. You had to call him sir when you were in the basement.

You started talking to yourself. Just to hear your voice. Any voice. You didn’t have anything to say, but you just couldn’t deal with the silence.

It wasn’t worth it. You saw that so clearly now. What did you really think you’d gain? You were never going to kill him. You couldn’t even hurt him. You were never going to win and you’d lost even more by trying.

You couldn’t remember whether there’d been six or seven meals. You’d lost count. And they were all the same. Nothing differentiated them. There was nothing to hold on to. This was the one thing tethering you to anything real and you’d lost it. There was no getting it back. You didn’t know how long you’d been crying.

He was tired of you. He was done. He was the only thing you had in the whole world and you’d lost him. You’d fucked it up. You were going to rot away in the Quiet Room until you were nothing. There was no getting out.

You crawled over to the slot when it opened and put your head right in front of it, keeping your eyes closed to avoid the burn of the light. “Sir,” you pleaded, your voice raspy, “sir, please. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, sir. Please.” You were crying. You couldn't stop. You couldn't hide it. 

He paused before he pushed the tray through, but he didn't say anything. 

You were lying on the floor, trying to figure out whether you were awake or dreaming when everything was suddenly bathed in light. You must be dreaming. Oh, but would a dream hurt so much? You rolled onto your stomach and curled up in a ball to try to shield your eyes from the light. Wake up wake up wake up, you chanted to yourself.

And then– Then, as you were curling up, tighter and tighter, on the floor, someone touched you, lightly, gently on your back. When was the last time you’d been touched? You didn’t know. You started crying, even as you pressed up into the soft caress.

“Oh sweetheart,” someone said. An angel. But wait. You knew that voice. “Look at you,” Andy said, “we’ve both had a rough few days, huh?”

You slowly rolled back over, wincing harshly at the light. There he was, crouching over you. You squinted at him, trying to make out his features. You started to sit up, but it ached to use your muscles that way.

He reached out a hand to help you. “Go slow, honey,” he said, and his voice was so gentle. “Give yourself a minute to adjust.”

“Sir?” you rasped. Was he really here?

“Hi sweetheart,” he cooed, as he carefully pulled you into his arms. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“How–” you blinked up at him, feeling so disoriented. “How long?”

“Too long,” he answered sadly. “But we both needed time to calm down, didn’t we?” 

He stroked your back, and you whimpered. It felt so good. You’d been alone for so long. You nuzzled into his chest, the tears still streaming down your face. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t– I shouldn’t have– I don’t know. I’m so sorry. I didn’t understand. Please forgive me.”

“Oh honey,” he sighed. You wished that you could drink up his gentle voice after so much silence. “I know. I know. It was a hard day. I understand. I’ll forgive you. After your punishment, it’ll be like it didn’t even happen.” 

“Punishment?” you looked at him in horror. “But– This– I–” You’d already been through so much. How could there be more?

“Sweetheart,” he said, his voice picking up a firm edge. “This was just a little timeout. For both of us. So that we could both calm down and think about what happened. You know I never want to punish you when I’m angry.”

“But I’m sorry,” you cried, grasping at his shirt. You didn’t think you could handle a punishment. You were afraid you’d break into a million pieces in that room.

“You tried to hurt me.” All of the gentleness was gone now. “You have to be punished so you learn.”

You barely nodded as you curled up in his arms, crying quietly. You’d been so stupid. So, so stupid. It was such a mistake.

“I’ll tell you what, honey.” His hand resumed its stroking, up and down, up and down your back. So gently. “If you’re very good for me, if you take your punishment like a good girl, then we can go right back upstairs when it’s done. We won’t have to spend any more time down here.”

“Really?” You’d been so afraid that you’d doomed yourself to months down in the basement again, even worse than before.

“Really. Neither of us wants to be down here, do we? We both want to be happy upstairs, don’t we?”

“Yes, sir. Please, please. I’ll be good. I’ll be a good girl.”

“I know you will be, sweetheart. Let’s go get it over with, huh? Then we can take a nice long bath to get all this grime off of you. Can you move? Can you get up?”

“Yes, sir,” you mumbled into his chest, but you didn’t make any effort to move. Not yet. You wanted to savor this for a few more moments. You knew that as soon as you got into the punishment room, all of the gentleness would be gone. He’d be the figure from your nightmares again. And you knew you deserved it. You were so stupid. But you needed a couple more minutes of his soft touches before you’d be ready.

Tag List

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[spoopdeedoop]

hi i have some disorganized thoughts/hcs abt the found family human doctor au

(one of the thoughts being i should really give it a better name. another being YES this is only the nuwho doctors atm bc that's the only series i've watched so far apologies. if i ever get around to watching classic who i will add them trust)

BEHOLD my random, not at all in-depth headcanons

nine is the only one with a car out of all of them. they all keep bugging him to drive/pick them up from places -- he has mixed feelings about being the assigned taxi driver

both twelve and eleven are teachers -- college professor and preschool teacher respectively. twelve's students love them because he will say the most stupid, hilarious shit with a straight face without even knowing and eleven's students love him because he is the only teacher at the school that will dance with them during musical chairs (he doesn't even play the game. he just dances)

i want to make one of them an actual doctor but i don't think any of them could handle it unfortunately

they all share an an apartment flat on the same level -- nine, twelve and fifteen live in one room, ten, eleven and thirteen live in the one across from them. of course there are other people in the building too but they're all used to the strange loud hyperactivity of that particular flat. i think i'm using the right terminology here. yall know what im talking about

(i'm so tempted to make some companions be their neighbors)

nine and ten are the most insomniac of all of them, so they're used to bumping each other in the dead of night on their way to raid each other's respective fridges or something. very rarely thirteen will join them and they're like "WELL FANCY SEEING YOU HERE"

twelve does sleep, but like. he's nocturnal

eleven and ten hate each other in a sibling kind of way (see: day of the doctor). they are constantly sending each other death threats or tripping each other over. everyone is sick of it

sometimes when they're out shopping you'll hear ten yell "GET OUT OF THE FROZEN FOOD YOU NUMPTY WE ARE NOT BUYING FISH FINGERS" over the aisles and you'll hear eleven whine "WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH" back

(if you're lucky you'll be able to catch fifteen mumble "why did we put them in the same apartment. are we asking for an eviction notice")

eventually eleven will pick a random stray cat off the side of the road, take her home, and name her bowtie, which is a stupid name, so everyone just defaults to calling her kitty

kitty's favourite person is twelve, to eleven's absolute despair

(my original idea for this was to initially have ten hate the idea of living with a cat, since he's stated full on in the show that he doesn't like cats, but apparently there is some very obscure doctor who comic run in which he falls into a depressive spiral and adopts a cat whom he names rose-the-cat, so he might actually like cats idk?)

anyway ten hates her until he doesn't lmao. he vents to her when there's no one else home and she will Stare at him back and it is a very nice friendship

kitty and nine watch shitty romcom together

they have a joint groupchat together -- half of it is just thirteen and fifteen assigning everyone outfits they find on pinterest and the other half is eleven asking where everyone went (he keeps getting lost when they go out)

nine doesn't know how to download pictures off the internet and so resorts to manually editing memes together to send to the groupchat and everyone's like "girl that's so much more effort........."

(yes he doesn't know how to press save image to camera roll but he knows how to use a photo editor flawlessly. such is the logic of the idiocy of the doctors)

eleven and thirteen get along very well i think. they're the only two of the group to play video games and so they bond over that. they also have ridiculously similar clothing taste

sometimes they'll succeed in getting fifteen to play pokemon with them and then they'll proceed to not see him until the next day when he comes out of his room and goes "you didn't tell me plusle couldn't evolve i've been levelling it up all fucking night"

friday is assigned movie night (it's always big hero 6)

eleven is the only one to actively seek out physical affection, usually really abruptly like clinging to thirteen's back as she passes him in the hall or bapping ten with the palm of his hand until he sighs and gives him a hug. he does expect a platonic kiss on the forehead from anyone before he goes to bed and will complain if he doesn't get one

anyway thats it i'm sick in the head and really sad. if this keeps up i may be forced to actually write a fic

[feyburner]

tumblr user feyburner, i have a confession. i don't know how to roast a chicken, or do anything with a chicken, and at this point i'm afraid to ask.

I can tell you're afraid to ask bc this isn't really a question. But I will answer it anyway. I'm always happy to talk about chicken.

You’ll be pleased to learn that roasting a chicken is so easy. The below explanation is quite long bc I am including all the information I can remember, to set you up for chicken roasting success. But, essentially, you’re rubbing a chicken in oil and seasonings and putting him in the oven for like an hour. Done.

Remember that people have been roasting whole chickens since the dawn of time using whatever they had around bc it’s the most low effort, high reward meal ever. You could say the word “salt” in a chicken’s general direction and toss him at a candle flame and he would still turn out great.  

To roast a chicken:

Buy a whole chicken, however big you want. 4-5 lbs is enough to feed 3-5 people with leftovers.

Prepare a workspace with a plastic cutting board (not wooden bc raw chicken juices) and paper towels. 

Remove the giblets, pin feathers, extra flaps:

1. Stick your hand up his primary orifice and pull out anything loose. There is usually a handful of little organs like heart and gizzards and sometimes these strings of pale bean looking things (tbh not sure what those are). Save these for stock, except the liver (super dark squishy organ) which will disintegrate. You can eat the liver separate if you want.

2. Trim off any sticky-outy bits that have pin feathers on them, and the flaps of fat/gristle over his orifice. Save the fatty bits for stock. Leave the triangle of fat directly above the orifice (his tail). 

Pat the chicken dry with paper towels inside and out. Get him as dry as possible. 

Spatchcock: You don’t have to spatchcock/butterfly but I like to, bc it maximizes outer surface area for that good good crispy skin. Also easier to get breasts and thighs done at the same rate.

All you have to do is cut the backbone out of the chicken with poultry shears or kitchen scissors if you’re desperate. Then push down hard to crack the breastbone so he lies super flat. Save the backbone for stock or jus. How to spatchcock step by step guide.

Dry brine: Prepare a bowl of coarse kosher salt. More salt than you’d think. Like 1 Tbsp per lb of meat. Rub salt over the whole chicken inside and out. Don’t skimp on the salt especially on the inside. It will not make your chicken crazy salty, it doesn't penetrate the meat that deep. Also some will be wiped off before you cook. 

Put the chicken on a wire rack on a baking sheet and chill uncovered in the fridge for 2-24 hours. The point of this step is the salt draws moisture to the surface of the chicken, which then evaporates in the circulating fridge air. It helps you get crispy chicken skin.

Dry brine + resting isn't 100% necessary, if for some reason you must produce a roasted chicken on a time crunch. But it's a good practice.

Roasting time:

Pat excess moisture off chicken inside and out. If you did not spatchcock you can stuff the inside with a halved lemon or garlic head, herbs, whatever you want. 

Seasoning rub: Prepare a small bowl with olive oil (maybe 1/4-1/3 cup?), salt, freshly cracked black pepper, and whatever dried herbs and spices you want. A good starter is: salt, pepper, parsley sage rosemary thyme, paprika, garlic powder, onion powder. I love me some Cajun spice mix like Slap Ya Mama. Start with like 1-2 tsp of each (1 tsp spices, 2 tsp dried herbs) and build from there. Don’t be shy. Recipes on the internet are like “Use 1/2 tsp herbs for this whole recipe” because they’re heading off 1-star reviews from annoying people who can’t handle a molecule of flavor. Season with your heart, your pussy, and your balls. Don’t be ashamed to use a store-bought spice rub. It’s not lazy, it’s efficient. Also, who gives a shit.

Rub the oil all over Mr. Chicken like he’s an Ancient Greek warrior-prince you’re preparing for the Olympic Games. 

Some recipes tell you to use butter, or slip butter under the skin, but butter has higher water content than oil and might not get you the ideal crispy skin. You can do whatever you want though. It’s your chicken. 

Preheat the oven to 425°. People will tell you a billion different temperatures—screaming hot, low and slow—but I’m here to tell you that it is so hard to fuck up a roast chicken, you can experiment and the results will always be great. 

I like to start at a high temp for 30 minutes to get the skin crisping and then reduce to 375° for the rest of the time to avoid burning. Sometimes you’ll have to cover him with foil if the seasonings start charring. That’s fine.

General cook time: 20 minutes per lb of meat, give or take 20 depending on oven temp. A 4-5 lb chicken at 425° -> 375° generally takes me ~1 hour 20 minutes. If you do low and slow at like 325° it might take 2+ hours. Just check on him periodically. Tbh it’s harder to overcook a chicken than you probably think. 5 minutes, or even 10-20 minutes, is NOT the difference between beautiful tender juicy chicken and a bone-dry tragedy. Chicken is not turkey. He is versatile and he can take it.

Pull the chicken when a meat thermometer inserted into the thickest part reads 145° or above. (160° is the “safe temp” but 1. The temp will continue to rise for a few minutes after it leaves the oven, and 2. 160° is the temp at which bacteria dies immediately. 145° is fine for eating. Disclaimer: I am not a scientist just a guy who makes a lot of chicken.)

If you don’t have a thermometer, pull the chicken when you insert a knife into the thickest part and the juices run clear. Gorgeous.

Let him sit for 10-20 minutes before carving. When carving, find the oysters and give them to your favorite person or take them as the Cook’s Bounty.

**********************

Again, this explanation is quite long because I included lots of detail. If you do it even one time, you'll realize it's incredibly easy and intuitive and doesn't take much time at all.

Godspeed!

[batcavescolony]

Since in #7 Bernard Dowd is seen to want to be a Chef and I've had culinary arts schooling this is my list of oddly specific things pertaining to that. Use it as you want (just from my experience)

Having a callous on the base of your pointer fringer of your dominate hand from using a chef knife

Funky patterned chef pants

DISHES NEVER END

when you are moving with a hot pan or heavy items ect you tell everyone like HOT PAN! BEHIND. GOING AROUND THE CORNER. BEHIND!

small batches are cute but in a restaurant/bakery/etc you're doing big batches in industrial ovens and mixers. A batch of bread dough we made had 12lbs of flour and like a half gallon of water.

Culinary arts isn't just making food it's doing math, converting recipes, going over OSHA rules and restaurant regulations

After awhile you have enough knowledge to the point where you see a recipe on the internet and go "hey... I can make that. Like really easily" like you can just make curry or scallion pancakes or fancy food

You will notice the shitty knife cuts in like pre cut packages of fruit and veg at the store

You're not allowed to have nail polish or false nails (unless you want to wear gloves all the time)

You start to realise how easy it's is to do somethings for yourself. Like you can just buy a chicken and break it down yourself or make stock at home

Their will be at least one class day where you cut onions all day and leave in tears because everyone is literally cutting onions

Sometimes stuff gets pushed back in the fridge or it's after break and the food has grew a putrid smelling mold. Cleaning it is part of culinary, it's...Fun

Everyday you wear chef pants, a chef coat, a closed toe non slip shoe and a chef hat.

Your hands will get chapped af because you're washing them all the time, lotion is your friend

You do refer to your head chef as 'Chef' or 'Chef ____' (or at least we did)

You will fuck up except it and move past it. (I once put too many chips in the fryer, it over flowed and we had to clean it up)

Kitchens get hot and you're wearing pants and a coat that are designed to protect you from like boiling water being pored on them, so drink water.

You will get cut/burned/stabbed/squished fingers it's part of the job just don't get bodily fluids on the food

You're standing like the whole time no matter what

You know that gallon conversation thing you learned in elementary? You will see that in your sleep. Gallon to quart to pint to cup. Also 8oz to a cup. 3t to a T. 16oz to a Pound ect it's ingrained into my head now

With a bit of knowledge you now know things and you can use it. Like add Xanthan Gum to a blended drink to emulsify it and it's just like Starbucks.

On the down side people want you to make things

You start wanting things for your kitchen like a KitchenAid or a portion scoop or dehydrator and having that feeds back into "I can make anything"

Figuring out exact prices for things is crucial and a pain. Like you have to take the price of baking soda and figure out how much a 1/4t costs. It's not horrible ig but when you're doing it for a whole recipe or menu it gets repetitive.

Ok that's all I'm putting you get the idea

[goodluckclove]

Skylark's Apple Log: Cosmic Crisp

Hi! Scott Skylark here.

I don't really know why I'm doing this. I was having a nice conversation with my good friend Katy about the importance of putting apples in the fridge so you can enjoy a cold apple, and barely an hour went by before she suggested I make a physical (Digital?) log of my insights and share them with the internet. I hesitated at first, but she insisted it was for the best, as people online might only know of me right now as some "sad boy pretty boy".

To which I said "Huh? What? What does that mean?" But right as she started to explain I suddenly decided I really didn't want to know and made some loud nonsense noises to buy me time to leave the room.

Anyways, I'm definitely no food critic. If you give me some cheese, some bread, a hard-boiled egg or two and like 4-6 apples, I'm good for the day. I'm not picky. I'd hate to put some misinformation out there (Discourse! Can you imagine?) so I've asked the very capable Chef Edgar Gallows to comment on what I say before I post it.

Today I'd like to talk about the Cosmic Crisp, which is absolutely in my top ten favorite apples. They're a hybrid bred in Washington in the late 90s. Did you know there are people who dedicate their whole careers to breeding apples? That was my dream job for a while when I was a kid, but I always struggled with science and apparently that type of work is entirely science. Anyways!

When I can have a Cosmic Crisp and some toast for breakfast, I'm a happy guy with lots of energy for the day ahead. And when it's fresh out of the fridge, it's crisp and chill, so no need for a morning juice. I like to use an apple slicer to make nice inform shapes, but those end up pretty thick, so I'll cut each slice to be about half-thickness. Doing this means you get a better bite to enjoy the flavor - and it also makes it seem like you have more apples to enjoy, which is always fun.

Cosmic Crisps are really big. There are bigger that exist - the Hanners Jumbo for instance, which is actually sold exclusively in Oregon where I live! But the girth of a Cosmic Crisp is certainly nothing to sneeze at. It's really fun, and frankly a great option if you're looking for the most bang for your buck at most average supermarkets. Sometimes it gets to be a little overwhelming, though, because I personally can only eat about three before I start getting a little grossed out. But if you're just eating one or two, this is very much a consistently satisfying variety in terms of sweetness and bite.

In my youth I resented the coloring of a Cosmic Crisp, believing that a red apple should commit to the hue. Now I appreciate the look of an apple that is definitely reminiscent of something grown off a tree, compared to a Red Delicious that mainly just looks like a child's crayon depiction of an apple given physical form by some cruel, confused God. And the crisp! Very crispy apple, potentially the crispiest I've experienced by far.

If you choose to enjoy a Cosmic Crisp apple, I highly suggest pairing it with a little bit of peanut butter, or just eating it on its own. It's very yummy.

I don't know how to end this! If you're reading this I hope you see a video of a cute animal on the internet. There are so many out there. Way more than I remember.

Thanks so much!

Skylark

Chef's Note: I think I'm immediately unqualified to check this kind of writing for accuracy. Up until recently I thought all apples were either green or red. Even after being told otherwise I still kind of think that. It's pretty startling to know there is a person in existence who puts more thought into this type of thing than picking up an apple from a bag on the counter and taking a bite.

Chilled apples are pretty good. I'll give him that one.

-E.G.

Hey Songbird Taglist did you think I'd call you all here to read Scott talk about apples because here we are

@kuebiko-writing @cartoonghosts 

@atlasthecactus @aroaceghosties 

@booksntea6982 @xarrixii 

@mushroommanchanterelle @whoevenknowswhatimwriting

@fukurouonthesea

[escapetothelake]

Mr Crow & Mr Owl for the ship asks ;)

when i say this is one of my absolute FAVORITE dynamics (remember when i said it would be toxic? i made it way too sweet oops)

i'm gonna tag @callmegaith for this one as well because ik they are also an evil bird husbands truther >:)

btw sorry this took so long i'm on vacation and have spotty internet :,)

who made the first move: i think mr. owl likely first contacted mr. crow. we know that they were working together since at least the events of roots, so it's been a very long time.

who kissed who first: aldous started by kissing jakob's ring, and then graduated to his bare hand (it's about the homoerotic tension 🤌). eventually, jakob kissed aldous on the lips. aldous was all too happy to kiss back.

who started the relationship: mr. owl did, as mr. crow is technically his underling, and aldous is a man who is concerned with propriety.

who remembers things: both of them remember EVERYTHING.

nicknames for each other: jakob strikes me as a "my love" user. i think they both say it, actually. i don't think "darling", "dear", or "dearest" is out of the question. also "beloved", "precious", "my treasure", "lover", and "dumpling" cuz these bitches are OLD.

who is more likely to pay for dinner: i feel like they'd be the kind of couple to fight over the bill, calling it "my treat".

*they're eating out together and the bill arrives* "ah. let me get this one, darling." "no, you got it last time. it's my treat." "no, it's my treat. you know how i love to spoil you." "alright dear, but next time..." "hah! we'll see."

that said, usually jakob is more persistent.

who normally cooks: have i ever actually answered this question with "x person in the couple does it"? yeah, mr. owl runs a hotel, and he has mr. toad to cook for him. though jakob knows how to cook, considering that he was on his own for a while and we saw it happen onscreen and everyone else at paradise is incompetent. i'm sure aldous knows how to as well. i think aldous likes to cook for jakob, and he makes an art out of it, incorporating expensive wines and fancy herbs and the like. only the best for his beloved.

who remembers anniversaries: both, of course. they have minds like steel traps when it comes to each other.

what would they get each other for gifts: suits, expensive jewelry and pocket watches, taking each other out to eat, all kinds of stuff! i imagine they're the kind of couple to share a glass of wine to a job well done after they successfully harvest souls.

most trivial thing they fight over: i wouldn't call it trivial, but i think jakob was at least a little upset with aldous for fucking up that one time. i think that incompetence of any sort exhausts jakob after his experiences at home (like this post haha). not that he views aldous as incompetent in any way—after all, he chose him to be his right hand—but, i mean, he goofed in a pretty big way. regardless, jakob can't stay mad at aldous for long.

how often do they fight: they don't really fight much. i think aldous finds shouting disrespectful, and they mostly work in tandem, so it doesn't happen often. when it does, though, i feel like it's a big deal. i mean, a long time without speaking and a lot of pining, because both men can be stubborn. eventually, though, they can't stand to be apart.

who uses all the hot water: both.. together :)

who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working: aldous. he doesn't want jakob to have to deal with that shit

who leaves their stuff around: they're both rather organized. mr. crow meticulously folds his clothes after washing them, even though it takes forever, and both men keep their suits nice and pressed.

who remembers to buy the milk: aldous gets it! he never lets jakob want for anything—the fridge is always stocked before jakob even has to ask.

who controls the netflix queue: i think they watch netflix together, cuddled up in bed or on the couch. aldous asks a million questions. jakob always answers, even if that answer is "i know the same amount of information as you, dearest".

who steals the covers at night: no one really can, since they sleep tangled together.

who cusses more: jakob when he was younger. now? neither, really.

who does most of the cleaning: aldous, or he sees that someone else does it. he doesn't like to let jakob worry about such things.

what’s their favorite non-sexual activity: talking! they really, really enjoy each others' company, whether that's over a glass of wine surrounded by candlelight, in the bath, or in bed. both of these men have had very long lives, so they have much to talk about.

who’s the cuddler: both! birds are cuddly :>

source

who’s the big spoon/little spoon: usually it's jakob big/aldous little. aldous likes to rest his head on jakob's chest (i hc that jakob is taller).

who’s more dominant: mr. owl.

who is the dirty talker: their brand of "dirty talking" imo is more like pillow talk. idk they're just pretty affectionate and like to praise each other. however, i'm gonna lean aldous for this one. i think aldous absolutely WORSHIPS jakob, and he makes it known both in and out of the bedroom.

what do they do when they’re away from each other: miss each other. a lot. both are mutually reliant on each other—aldous makes sure to make jakob's life easier, and jakob in turn gives aldous a sense of direction. therefore, their separation can be hard on both of them. they try to busy themselves with other things (there's a lot of work to be done), and remind themselves that ultimately, they serve the lake.

what would they do if the other one was hurt: both would be very worried, but the injured one would try to put on a brave face for the other. of course, both of them are seemingly immortal, but they also know what it's like to be mortal men, and the memories are all too fresh. they're very protective of each other.

a headcanon: i think that they both struggle to adapt with the times, even if they feel that they need to. for instance, they don't like to give up their old-timey pet names for each other, and mr. crow doesn't like the new-age suits. of course, he grins and bears it because it's part of being immortal, but he still believes that it doesn't matter because.. i mean.. they can turn into birds. being inconspicuous isn't exactly important to him. on the other hand, jakob kinda likes playing different roles to suit his needs. we see this in the white door, for instance. i think it allows him to live out some of the things he missed out on in his youth, whereas aldous got to live out a full life. regardless, as the times change, the biggest constant they have is each other.

[bluestjayy]

Emotional Post/Vent under the Cut (but positive this time, I think!)

I've been suffering with chronic depression since I was about 14. I've cycled through therapy a lot, I've been on antidepressants since I was 18.

You get some good advice and you get some bad advice. And often this is also contextual to yourself. Some things that work really well for me might make other people worse, that kind of thing.

By far one of the best bits of advice I ever got was to find something to keep you alive right now. Doesn't matter how small it is. Doesn't matter if it feels silly or inconsequential, if it works, put it on a list.

A reasons to live list.

Recently as I've been in what I think might be the worst mental health state of my life this far, I started small. Really small. And I mean each reason bought me a few hours.

I can't die yet because I have to take the trash out and my roommate is too scared of the bin store to do it herself. I can't die yet because I have a food item in the fridge that will go off if I don't eat it today. I can't die yet because the youtuber I like just posted a new video so I should watch that first.

After that, you start to buy yourself days. It's I can't die yet because I kinda wanna see the Venom movie this weekend. I can't die yet because there's a new episode of my favourite show this week. I can't die yet because on Fridays we order takeout food and I'm really craving it.

Next comes weeks, and even in some cases, months. I can't die yet cause I bought the perfect Christmas present for my friend and I want to make sure she gets it. I can't die yet because I have a pre-ordered item arriving. I can't die yet because they're gonna make xyz show/movie and I want to watch it.

I can't die yet because I have unfinished stories I want to tell.

And now, I am getting to look further ahead before than I have been able to for a very long time. I'm getting to say things like, I can't die yet because I'm going to own my own place one day. I can't die yet, cause in a year or two I'm going to go to Thailand with my best friend. I can't die yet, because I want to be able to get a pet cat one day, and then I won't be able to die because they'll need me to take care of them.

It feels good, that all my small steps are adding up. It feels really overwhelming that I'm starting to see these little but very real changes in myself, that I can start to see a path to a future where I survive.

And wish I could tell many people, but specifically Jeff, Barcode, and Bible (+ the whole 4 Mins team tbh) how a lot of the time, especially in the early days - they were my reasons.

There were days I woke up and said I can't die today because Barcode has a new song I need to hear. Or I can't die today because Jeff is in concert and I'm not missing those fan cams. Week to week I would tell myself I can't die today because I need to know what the fuck is happening in 4 Minutes.

They've helped me get to the point where they're part of my much bigger goals. I can't die right now because I want to see Jeff perform live in person at least once, I can't die until we get Wuju Bakery AND Happy Ending on our screens. I can't die until Bible comes to Europe somehow.

And in all of this, if you're reading, I need to also say how this community has helped me so much. This little corner of the internet we have gathered together. So much of me waking up each day is tied to not wanting to miss the stories you write and the art you make and the meta you discuss and the GIFs and the fanvids and the brainrot. All of it. Has helped me keep going, so as much as the idol's we look up to, you're all very important to other people.

There's folk out there who think about you on their worst days and feel comfort. Who seek out your creations to soothe themselves. Who find community in your Tumblr blogs and discord servers so.

Thank you, I guess. To all of you, and of course, to the boys.

And for anyone else struggling. Find a reason. Any reason at all. Make a list, and stick with us.

The world is a better place with you in it 💛

[disease-danger-darkness-silence]

I have a smart TV and it sucks. I use a Chromecast Google sent me for free (I've had a Gmail account for literally 20 years, they just send me shit sometimes, it's weird. I also have a Google Nest, but I don't use it). It's loads better.

I like flat-screen, LCD and LED TVs. I do not want to return to the days of low-res, heavy-ass tube or CRT TVs.

But I don't need a smart TV. I have a Chromecast and it works just fine. I can take it with me places to watch things on other people's TVs, or I can put it in the computer monitor at the end of my bed that I use as a gaming TV/screen.

I legitimately will not buy appliances that have smart functions unless it will benefit me in a huge way. I will shop secondhand.

I want my fridge to be a fridge. I don't want it to be a smart list or a smart noteboard or a smart calendar or a photo board. I want it to be a fridge. I want to be able to put magnets on the front.

My washer, my dryer, my stand mixer, my toilet, my stove, my shower, my sink, none of these things needs to be smart. I'll even keep my vacuum dumb - I like roombas but if I need internet or a network to connect to an appliance to make it work, I won't use it.

Maybe it's just because I learned IT from my dad in the wild west of the Internet days, when AOL discs were actually Spyware before we had a word for that, and before wifi existed, but I'm paranoid. I keep a lot of stuff digital but you know what? My fridge doesn't need access to it.

THANKS.

[in-the-dreamland]

Diary Entry 31/12/24

End of year review (of sorts :P) and other nonsense...

Ok. So at the start of the month there was a storm which took the electric off in the early hours of Saturday 7th and didn't come back till about 20 mins to 5 Sunday 8th. On the Saturday evening we tried to toast a piece of bread in front of the gas fire. It worked of course. In this short time I really appreciated being away from the internet and just being at peace sat in front of the fire. The tea that we had to get hot from the local supermarket gave me a panic attack though (it wasn't decaf! I never knew caffeine could have such an effect) but anyway all was well afterwards.

The rest of the month up until now as I write this I have been trying to cope. Either with way too much alcohol or music. The alcohol is not letting me sleep and i'm so fucking tired. I'm also so fucking tired of mother throwing her little narcissistic jibes at me. It's literally ruining my mental health as if she hasn't ruined that enough like my entire life. I can't trust anyone in this house other than the cat. This family is so toxic and it's been interwoven into EVERY generation of it. I just want to escape but coping with it at the same time has made me weak - physically and mentally. I've put up with it a long time now.

Mother got me the most toxic smelling cheap made trousers I've ever seen and by chance I saw what she paid for them on bidding - £2.90. Literally the postage was more than that! I'm going to have to put them in the big bundle of clothes I'm going to sell next year. There is no way i'm EVER wearing them. The t-shirt she got me was cute but honestly I don't want that either because she's just done this because I said I was gonna get some clothes during the sales because they are slightly cheaper and money is tight y'know and I've barely any clothes but she literally took the piss out of me by buying those god awful trousers and even last night she kept on with her jibes. She doesn't want me to have anything nice.

I can understand why none of her internet friends stick around. Absolute nightmare human. I just want to escape but they took my life savings and STILL i'm so very fucking angry.

Anyway the above is just what it's always like here. A misery... We'll move on to the year in review.... (not that this year was any fucking good)

Ok, This year was hell don't get me wrong but I have learnt lessons. I have grown from the destructive behaviour I was doing to myself. And you know what? IT HURT LIKE HELL! I was miserable on New Years Eve / Day and that reflected in this entire year. I forgot to add that in the last weeks / months the boiler went, the fridge went, the bulb in the oven went, as a result of it being cold and also no boiler majority of my clothes got mouldy and even though they have been washed the mould has still stained some of the items ffs.

It was a battle to get through this year and i'm never ever easy on myself. I get hurt by something and then seek to make it worse for me...Why? I need to look after myself because no other HUMAN around me is going to do that. They would rather me crumble than have the bother of trying to help.

I'm going to make this new year SO FUCKING GOOD. I'm going to give it my all. I have to. This is it now. There is no other option other than failure. And I only want the good options from now on. I deserve that at least. I've suffered enough. It's time to win now. And I wish that for anyone going through the same hell as me or worse. I wish that for anyone who's dissatisfied with how life is. We can do this!

It's perhaps a little cringe to say this but I am going to be a new me this forthcoming year and she is going to be my favourite version thus far.

[secretewagmaterial]

Glow-Up & Weight Journal:

TW: Please do not read this if you're struggling with an ED or any sort of mental health issue. This is not an ED account, this is my personal weight and glow up journal.

Day # 5

Weight - 211.9 lbs.

"You ever just wanna scream"

Hello tumblr!

Woke up at 7:12AM which was,,, odd. I did some squats this morning that have my legs screaming atm. I don't know why my legs still hurt but maybe this will go away with time. By the way, I took my meds this morning and took my melatonin before writing this. Unpopular opinion but I prefer the pill version and not the gummy version. The gummy version gets stuck to my gums and I literally hate it.

Had a pretty chill day afterwards actually. While I did plan to wash my hair today and such, I couldn't find the shampoo and hair conditioner I use and, of course, I refuse to use the head and shoulders we have. It literally dries out my hair? somehow?

Went on a walk which was cool, def recommend it (even if it's far too cold). I've been looking at towns to move to and I think I've officially found the place for me! It's an hour away from a friend of mine (not too much imo) and the living cost is 5% lower than the current town I'm in. I've got the plan to move out after my trip (sometime between summer and autumn). Most likely moving in during a holiday weekend so I can have extra time to set up my work internet and computer since I need to be connect with an ethernet cord. Those who get it, get it.

I want to wash my hair either tomorrow or Monday since I'm off that day. This did fuck me over but my older brother is coming over tomorrow with his fam and I love them of course but I'm having a bad week. Like I do not need people coming over to make a mess. This is why I want to move out so bad, I'm never alone.

I have a list of teas my friend recommended to me! There's a few different blends and even some caffeine free options (lol love u to death girl) because she went to a tea house. Also, on my walk I stopped by the store and they didn't have the new pink and blue red bulls,,, I was so sad. I love me a good red bull. My friend L joked she'd buy me a red bull fridge for my apartment once I move out.

God I can't stop giggling about moving out. I think about it day and night, it's literally the best thing ever. My friend L did help me out with getting over the guilt of moving out thankfully. I love my family, yes, but I will die if I stay in this house past 20.

Anyway, my melatonin is hitting and I'm on the verge of buying tons of fashion magazines.

Bbbbyyyeeeee~

[trickster-whim]

Chaotic photograph session of the stuff I got from goodwill because my house has been taken over by giant boxes of bean bag stuffing, and it's too dark out to take photos outside. Why don't they just cut out the middle man, am I right?

Anyway, on to the things I bought:

First up, I've been looking for scarves to use as gift wrapping, and I liked this green dramatic flowery one.

I didn't know where else to photograph it, so I just threw it on the fridge. It went right into the cleaning pot anyway. My sister's birthday is Monday (I'm writing this on Saturday lol), so I have to get it cleaned and dried before then.

Another awkward shot, but this apron was really my style!

It's from Reprime, I guess, not a brand I'm familiar with. I've been looking for an apron either for painting or cooking, or both, and this one was $1.50, is one of my favorite colors, and has a cool zippered pocket as well as two open ones, so I kind of needed it.

Ooo, bad photos. I found this sheet that's half white with dino prints and half blue with dinos (like, just straight up half-and-half, no border or anything). I really liked the look of the dinos, so I want to whip this into a skirt. It was also only $1.50, so even if that plan falls through, it can live in my stash for a while.

The next stuff is a group photo because of tumblr's dumb photo limit, but it's lotsa stuff.

The Sailor Jupiter was a big surprise, I gotta say! I don't remember if I had Jupiter as a kid, but I did have some of the senshi, so a 90s Irwin Sailor Moon doll was really nostalgic to find.

Of course she's uhhh bald. The cashier saw her and went, "Wow, she's been through it," and I couldn't agree more. Her legs are a little sticky and stained, and the battery in her back was bad, so it's likely that her hair just fell out. I could reroot her, but I don't have hair on hand and I don't remember where my rerooting tool is, so she might get a wig instead. I haven't decided!

She was arguably overpriced at $6.50, but she did have her gloves, shoes, and necklace, and I wanted her, so she was my big splurge for the trip.

Ooh that shadow. My kitchen is a terrible place for photos ooh.

Jupiter having her Catwoman moment.

Anyway, I love little plushies, and I saw a bag full of McDonald's plush and pound purries (it's stylized as Pound Pur-r-ries on the tag, but everyone just writes purries so idk) and I had to bite. The McDonald's plush are 1997's Animal Pals, and I think we had the moose when I was a kid? Also the Internet says the bottom one is a brown bear, but I know a wombat when I see one.

Kinda funny that the plushies and Jupiter are both marked 1997. The plush are also in good condition, and they fit right in into my tiny plush collection!

The book was mostly a response to my constant impulse to buy vintage or antique books that cost a dollar. I also love poetry, but these poems are... let's just say not my style. I haven't finished the book, but my favorite so far is "Cat".

The twins have a bunch of toys, many of which make noise, and they love chasing their tails. The only thing is they aren't allowed out. They're indoor babies and also trapped in their baby house mostly.

And lastly, I have such a hard time resisting Halloween kitsch, so when I saw these adorably terrible hanging sign things, I just... I needed them.

They also glow in the dark!

I think I might put them in my window, and it's not lost on me that I passed on a trans flag but had to buy these. It's a compulsion.

Of course, I bought kind of a lot and spent kind of a lot of money, but things are really going on around here, and getting out of the house was a necessity. And I can't say no to things.

Also, interestingly, they've started a bag tax at goodwill! It's the first time I've seen that in Arizona; mostly cashiers are baffled when I pull out one of my dozen Halloween bags because I really don't like plastic bags. Bag taxes are pretty annoying, but it's good practice to use some sort of reusable bags. We've gotten a few from restaurants free with purchase, and libraries. The Halloween ones mostly from target, which used to have a whole bunch of cool stuff. Not anymore, though. Not anymore...

Ok bai!!

[external-accountability]

Day twenty-four!

I was really busy cleaning the kitchen and such today that I kind of last track of time. So my eating wasn't too evenly spaced out, which is on me because I felt myself getting hungry about halfway through my three hour cleaning spree but I was cleaning the KITCHEN and the smell of bleach was really not doing anything for my appetite plus I didn't want to lose momentum. But on the bright side I was doing so much today to prep for the cookout this weekend that I stayed active practically the whole day which was nice.

Surprise surprise, I didn't drink as much water as I should have. I really need to work on that. But I did buy some beverages the other day to hopefully break up the monotony of just water (though I love water, don't get me wrong). Also, as soon as I get in a groove and can organize my fridge well enough I'll try and make room for my tea pitcher so I can have my unsweet green tea again. When I have that at my disposal I practically never have to worry about staying hydrated. My Ma always keeps a pitcher of it in the fridge at home so when I go to visit next week I'm gonna be going through it like it's the best cold leaf juice ever. My apologies for the ATLA reference and also I'm pretty tired so I'm a little loopy. There's much to do tomorrow which includes assembling my new grill (I'm stoked, pun intended) and more cleaning.

Goodnight internet void people 💙 sweet dreams

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Monday, January 1st, 2024!

10:29am We are alive mf's!!! We made it to the new year!

Currently having my semi-annual financial hoopla but things will work themselves out 😇

January goals: not spending money basically.

- don't get so drunk, it is not fun anymore!

- stop buying food/ drinks out! Too much $

- look for free activities

- free hobbies

- be mindful of what you're doing! And not doing!

- wake up earlier and go to bed earlier! (Gradual)

1:01pm I have already caved and have gotten PDQ 🤣 it's all good I'm straight chilling ❤️ Stay positive y'all. Watching A Historia Delas on Hulu, looks pretty good!

3:45pm Ok so PDQ has made me completely lethargic, the salt has made me totally bloated AF like I feel it in my belly and my feet and hands. I want to work on increasing my energy levels this year and omg this was not the right thing to do. I'm so bloated I'm too uncomfortable to nap even. This show is very good though thank god bc I'm clearly not doing much else today.

Also, one of my wall adjacent neighbors has been playing freaking dubstep or something for like 2 hrs straight and I just realized it's making my brain feel weird/ fuzzy but I couldn't identify why tf I felt that way before. There's so much damn noise in the world it's no wonder everyone is losing their mind/ irritable and slightly annoyed all the time.

8:04pm I did my nails! Also binge watching this show was a very good decision, the best I've made all day 🤣 Tried eating some cheese and it's too much!! My body is just rejecting all of this rich af holiday food and I should really clean out the fridge tomorrow and start fresh. I know it's a waste but idc I don't want to keep feeling like crap and I hate expired food. It's not my fault I went on vacation for like 10 days and all this was too much. I'm still not used to buying/ cooking food for one person. I need to stop buying gallons of milk ffs! It's way too much I had to have like 4 cups last night bc it was expiring today. This is just all part of being mindful, everything is a learning process! You are ok and you are doing great! ❤️

Also, learning more and more about how abusive my relationship is and I'm so glad the internet exists because it would have been so easy to just *not* be aware of this experience that i unfortunately share with many people!! Narcissistic abuse is real and I am ready to keep healing!! Can't fool me twice.

I loved talking to his grandmother though, she is so wise and sweet and I love that she really doesn't play his BS and can see through it, amen!!! I can't believe she said what I thought she would say.... She wants them to move out together so that they'll break up already!!!! That shit is crazy she really said that!!! I may be young but I am not stupid and I saw that shit coming from MILES away literally.

9:41pm He keeps randomly texting me and tbh at this point it's so crystal clear what he's doing and it's pathetic. Simply I have no admiration for him, no respect above human decency really, it's just pathetic is the only word for it. He clearly needs psychological help, and I'm not a psychologist! Also, don't you have a gf to text who literally hates me? Get it together, bro, you're not fooling anyone (except her?? Poor girl tbh she's really getting her payback/ karma in spades I'm sure) thanks universe :) love ya.

PS why does he keep bringing up the music thing?? Does he have no other lines I don't really get it. What tf am I supposed to do about that anyway. I listen to all of his music and my music just fine (oh wait it's because I took time to heal and didn't jump into another toxic relationship 7 days later!!) Get a grip, dude, you're not getting anyone's sympathy here.

Made a to do list for tomorrow so we'll see how that goes! Also I'm sleeping naked so we're trying lots of new things!

[stagandhoneybeehealing]

Let us begin...

I have tried to start this before. I have spent too much time on the internet the past few years, like many of us, and have come to believe it both harms and heals. It scares me. On purpose and I resent that. But then it will make me laugh and then it will give me hope and then I learn something valuable. So I am here. Wanting to make my little mark even if it's to one person.

I have been thinking about homesteading, natural medicine, good, healthy food for years and dabbled in all now and then. I am a science believer with a crystal collection. I am practical but consult my tarot. I try not to eat meat but love a bratwurst. I am finding my groove.

Last night, I burned the zucchini bread. I had grated and frozen this zucchini and felt very smug at having saved this vegetable from certain compost death and pulled it out, mixed up a batter, and I was doing this all very haphazardly....and thinking how the cottage core homesteader people would be feeling uncomfortable with this very muppet chef-like approach to this project but that most people, normal people living in apartments or little houses in little towns or big cities might relate to this. And then I started thinking about the herbs I have grown and gardens I want to grow and food I plan to make and preserve.....could I make this real and approachable for the every day humans like myself? Can I help others learn to do things simply, cheaply, safely without feeling overwhelmed?

I consider myself sustainable, but buy stuff in plastic sometimes and am so tired on certain days, I cannot always be as mindful as I like...but what about "ugly sustainability?' This idea that we think about it...we act on it as much as we can, we remember to laugh....and we show the failed garden and the burnt bread and the gross things we forgot to label when we canned stuff last summer... or 4 summers ago.

Let's be real. I'm going to show you. I'm going to stand there in my not perfect clothes and my somewhat jumbled house and we are going to do things even if we don't quite know how yet, and even though it may not be perfect and our kitchens are messy.

This is for the uninternet ready# people. You are safe here. My fridge is a disaster and I do not know what is on the very back of the shelves. Reheat your coffee again and join me.

[frogsandfries]

Payyyeeeeedaaayyyyeeeeee! So I bought a couple cases of ensure, and I've been fucking around with Amazon, so I didn't get the mattress yet but I'm soooooo freaking excited to have a mattress--my own mattress! A decade into my adult life!

Okay, look, I have many good reasons to never have owned my own mattress: Living in shelters, motels, pre-furnished units, or sleeping on floors and couches, or living with people who already had a mattress that I was welcome to. Okay?

I try not to frame this shit entirely onto myself anymore. If you turned eighteen and your family was homeless, you wouldn't be having a very blazing start to adulthood yourself.

While that person was abusive, I'm grateful to have had some one person in my life, sooner than later, who laid the path in front of me for me to claim my own stability.

It was really tempting, with a big ole chunk of change in hand, to get everything--the office rug I wanted, plus the other cat bowl I need to get, the room divider that I need for my stupid job, pillows, some desperately needed pants (it's always pants wtf). But the cats will be fine eating off this tote; I'll survive without a rug. I just need a couple items; I need some money left for groceries as I get ideas throughout the next couple weeks for meals that I'd like. I can't go without internet, and I'm going to make another attempt at getting a desperately needed new phone either tomorrow or Saturday.

I'd eventually like a new cup with a lid, but I could probably get a decent one from the dollar store. It's gotta be a biiiig cup, because I often forget to fill it on my breaks and talking all day, with how arid it is where I live, and how hot the apartment can get later in the afternoon....... also, my water filtererer is like, twenty-some cups, apparently, and I swear I'm in the fridge constantly filling that thing. Hydration? Not an issue here, but it will be if I don't have anything to flavor my water with. Not sure how much longer I have left on this can of drink powder, since I don't remember when I got it, but can I drink something else besides just pink lemonade 😵‍💫🤢 Not if I blow all my money on apartment stuff.

Besides, I think I can always find something else to buy for the apartment: Silverware organizer, some kind of cat-proof barrier for the kitchen (my dummy boy got stuck behind the stove, and the pilot light constantly heats the whole cooktop, which is disturbing), storage for my bedroom, new bedding, storage cubes for my clothes, maybe eventually a rug for my bed, bookshelves, organizers for my creative workspace, a proper dish set that I won't really use by myself, to prove that I'm definitely an adult, more corkboards, more foamcore to mount the corkboards onto, more diamond paintings that I'll probably just never finish...... Maybe eventually a couch cover just to spice things up. A different chair for being not at work, maybe a laptop or computer so I can download entertainment. More dishes. I could always use like, more toilet paper, a new bath towel, hand soap, body soap, laundry soap, dish soap, cat litter--you can literally never have enough cat litter. Which reminds me, I also don't own a vacuum. That's going to take some real determination to get the one I want.

Ugh....... I've been thinking about a new office chair. Like, obsessively. While I want my desk to be higher, I want my chair just the slightest bit lower. At its lowest, in this chair, my feet do not comfortably touch the ground and my hips won't let me forget it. But...... there are soooooooooooo many options. How do I know if the chair I get will be lower than this one? How do I know if it will be comfortable enough? What if it's too hot? How do I know if it will be worth the money? What if I buy a knee-chair and I hate it? Do I just go straight for a gaming chair? Is that overkill?

Anyway, the point is, I'm obviously no minimalist. I can always think of more things to purchase to customize my living space, and coming from basically zero a decade in to my life as an adult, fully, legally and financially responsible for myself........I don't have a whole lot. This apartment doesn't have a whole lot of storage. My shit is mostly still packed up. I didn't have any intention of moving this year. The more I'm caused to move when I would rather not, the more I'm going to start digging my heels in. I would rather do anything than move next year, or in five years. Maybe by five years, I'll have the stomach for packing again. I have plenty of time, plenty of money, to invest into my home, my comfort, my existence. And I don't have to balance against anyone else, at least for a long, long time........ if ever...... I'm so awful at even just making friends...... sigh.

As for money for hobbies and such, it's probably fine for now. I really don't know what to do as far as coloring the graphic novel. I honestly need some kind of feedback, because this digital thing is not working. I've already made like ten sketchbooks, which is waaaaay overkill. I don't really have any other hobbies. I don't really have much time for any other hobbies.

I'm making really good progress on my linework just squeezing it in at work, don't tell the client 🤭

I'm seriously wondering if I could actually color better with colored pencils......

Anyway, I should probably go to bed...... tomorrow is Friday.