#like i could make for myself a place in the world | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

winwintea · 3 days ago

Text

my apology letter

PAIRING ↬ boyfriend!zhong chenle x fem!reader

TAGS ↬ heavy angst. some fluff. no happy ending this is a breakup fic you have been warned

SUMMARY ↬ Chenle always thought that love truly wins all. Your relationship with him was filled with joy and connection. But lately, cracks have begun form. Between small misunderstandings, unspoken frustrations, and the growing sense that he’s not enough for you, Chenle begins to doubt his theory. Is love enough to bridge the gaps between you or is letting go the ultimate act of love?

WORD COUNT ↬ 3.0k+

AUTHOR’S NOTE ↬ i'm sorry in advance !!!! not really. suffer. happy birthday chenle. i hate (love) you so. very. very. much. title and fic based on my apology letter by kim yeon woo!

PLAYLIST ↬ my apology letter - kim yeon woo, who - lauv (feat. bts), lie with you - ten, line without a hook - ricky montgomery, the scientist - coldplay

CHENLE SITS DOWN, AND BEGINS WRITING HIS LETTER.

He’s lost track of how many times he’s sat in this exact seat. It used to be different. So different. At first it was nice. You were beautiful in every way possible. Kind, patient, and thoughtful. You always made him feel like the most important person in the world, even while surrounded by others. This table was a place of warmth, laughter, and love. Now the mood was only as tense as ever.

He takes a deep breath, letting his thoughts consume him as he begins to write.

I miss your laugh. I miss making you laugh. I miss that joyous echo of good times I could feel around the apartment, and I swear to god it was my favorite sound ever. I miss that. I miss us.

He remembers how the mornings would go. You’d both sit at the table, sharing a simple warm breakfast that you or him had prepared. All that really seemed to matter was the two of you in that moment of time.

He looked at you, the sunlight reflecting off of your face. You were always smiling at your phone, lips quirking as your fingers began typing. You placed your phone against your chest after hitting send, waiting for him to react.

As Chenle was absentmindedly scrolling through the news, he noticed a notification pop up on his screen.

My Love: “You okay? You’ve been quiet today.”

Quiet, huh? You always enjoyed texting him to get his attention. Thought it was funny. He looked up to see you smiling at him with a concerned expression. Not wanting you to worry too much Chenle smiled and shook his head, but did not say anything else.

The two of you continued eating in silence.

Chenle sets down the pen, this burden in his chest growing heavier. Where did it all go wrong with you two?

The two of you used to be inseparable. Days consisted of stolen glances, shared jokes, silly photos and videos, small moments that brought this intimacy together. Now, you barely interact with each other, barely talk to each other. His mind drifts to details of last night.

You sat on the floor, folding the laundry in front of the TV. Your movements were slow and graceful, thoughtfully folding every article of clothing. Chenle sat on the couch behind you, staring mindlessly at the TV, playing some show he couldn’t care less about. He didn’t look at you, you didn’t look at him.

The silence was tense and deafening, yet neither of you made moves to break it.

Chenle picks up the pen again with a stronger grip.

I don’t know how we got here. I don’t know how to fix it. Actually, that’s a lie. I do. But maybe I’m not cut out for that. I know I’m losing you, and it feels like I’m losing myself too.

Chenle’s mind drifts to a day where everything seemed perfect, but always something tugging at the back of his mind.

The amusement park date. Your laughter was vibrant and warm, eyes sparked with determination as you tossed beanbags, threw balls at cans, aimed darts, always determined to best him. The two of you definitely had a competitive streak, but Chenle always made the sacrifice for you. You ended up winning a small stuffed dolphin, holding it high above your head like a trophy.

Chenle mock pouted, and laughed, “Guess I’ll stick to basketball.” He pulled you into his arms, the dolphin nearly squished between you as he pecked your cheek, while the two of you broke out into fits of giggles.

But even in the moment of happiness and joy, there was still something eating at him from inside.

Chenle grips his pen tighter as he recalls those fleeting moments of joy, moments that now feel bittersweet. He lets the ink flow on the paper again, writing some more.

I think about how happy we’ve been, and yet there’s always this weight, this worry I can’t stop thinking about. Even in our brightest moments, something felt... off. It’s not because of you, but because of me. It's slowly destroying me.

Later that evening, the two of you had dinner at your favorite restaurant. Chenle thinks about the way your face lit up when the waiter placed your meal in front of you. He could never get over these small things that you did that make his heart feel giddy as well.

You slipped out your phone and took a photo of the meal, sending it to him with a caption to the photo.

My Love: [Photo Attached]

My Love: "We should make this at home sometime! You’re practically a chef. 😊"

Chenle chuckled, replying out loud, “Only if you clean it up afterwards.”

You smirked and rolled your eyes, ignoring him as you dove into your meal. For a while, everything felt easy, like it used to.

But then you got home.

It started with something small. Just a simple misunderstanding about weekend plans. Chenle couldn’t even remember the exact details now, only how frustrated he felt when his words seemed to fall short. He’d tried to explain, stumbling over his thoughts, but the look on your face never changed. You remained calm, patient, nodding along as if you understood every word.

You always did that—nodded and smiled. But had you really understood him?

Chenle sets the pen down again, and stares at the words he just wrote on the page.

"You always tried to meet me where I was, even when I couldn’t meet you halfway. I see that now. And I hate that I didn’t see it sooner."

He swallows hard, glancing toward the bedroom door. The stuffed dolphin you won that day lay peacefully tucked away in the closet. It reminds you of the time when things were simpler, or maybe just felt that way.

He stares at the words, hoping they’ll somehow fix what’s broken. But words alone aren’t enough.

They never have been.

Chenle’s been so lost in his memories and thoughts that he hasn’t noticed how much time has passed. He lifts his head and sees you standing in the kitchen. You’ve been here the whole time.

Preparing a lunch for the two of you, you move quietly, chopping the vegetables and stirring a pot on the stove. He barely hears your movements, soft and careful. He wonders if you feel the tension between you two as acutely as he does.

And for that moment, he just watches you. Your posture is relaxed, your head tilted slightly as if you’re caught in your own world. You seem so at peace, and it breaks him.

Chenle wants to reach out to you. To stop this moment from becoming what he knows it has to be. He wants to take your hand, to hold on to you just a little longer. But he knows that’s selfish. This cannot wait.

He swallows hard, his throat tightening as he tears his gaze away from you. His hands clenched into fists on the table, fingers trembling slightly. This is it.

Taking a deep breath, Chenle forces himself to speak. His voice is low, almost breaking, the words that come out of his mouth are barely audible.

“Y/N, let’s break up.”

Chenle had been distant lately, but you didn’t press him. He always had this quiet side to him, and you figured he’d come around when he was ready. You trusted him.

Lunch was extra special today. You were making tteok-bokki—Chenle’s favorite. It wasn’t a particularly hard dish, but he appreciated the effort you put in for it. You focused on the ingredients, the soft sizzle of the stove and the aroma that filled the kitchen. Smells like these made everything feel brighter.

You lost yourself in the rhythm of cooking, chopping vegetables and stirring the sauce until it thickened just right. He had taught you how to make the dish originally, cooking it to perfection until you got it just the way he liked it.

You glanced over your shoulder at him briefly. He was at the dining table, hunched over something. A notebook? His phone? You couldn’t tell. He didn’t look up.

It wasn’t like him to be so withdrawn. He’d always try—he’d send funny memes or silly videos to make you smile. Lately, though, his texts had seemed less and less. You told yourself he was just busy, and would make time as usual to make it up to you.

When the food was nearly ready, you began washing the dishes in the sink, suddenly remembering something you’d been meaning to ask. You turned around, leaning slightly on the counter, and smiled.

“Chenle,” you said, your voice soft but clear. “Take off early for work today and let’s go out to eat dinner together, alright?”

Your hands begin to move, signing something quickly as you mouthed the words out, the gestures being full of emotion to convey your thoughts and feelings. It was your way of making sure he understood. He didn’t know a lot of sign language, but he always made the effort to try and guess.

He initially looked at you with a serious face, his lips in a tight thin line. His eyes were conflicted. Why he looked so pained for some reason, you had no idea. But as soon as you started signing his lips curved into a smile once more, a familiar smile that you loved looking at all day long.

Eventually after no reaction, Chenle seemed to process your words and nodded his head. He held his hand up in a ‘ok’ position to ensure that he had understood and got the memo.

Pleased with his response, you turned back around and finished up your task in the kitchen.

Chenle had asked you to prepare him lunch. You suggested his favorite. He needed this moment to himself, to let the words leave his mouth and test the weight of them in the air.

“Let’s break up,” he had whispered while your back was turned. The words had tasted bitter, like ash on his tongue, their weight heavier than he could have anticipated.

But you hadn’t heard him.

You’d been deaf since the moment he met you. He could still remember your first conversation. It was brief and awkward, with you typing out sentences on your phone and holding the screen in front of him. He’d smiled at how patient you were. A patience you still had today. From that moment, he was hooked.

Yet now, after all this time, he hated himself for how little he’d tried to understand you better.

Chenle leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling. The guilt felt like a heavy weight, weighing his shoulders down.

He loved you. God, he loved you so much. But it wasn’t enough. Love alone wasn’t enough to bridge the gap of happiness between the two of you.

He thought about all the times you had signed something to him, your gestures full of emotion, but he could only guess their meaning. You never scolded him for not understanding, never grew angry when he needed you to repeat yourself or resort to texting instead. You were always kind and understanding. Patient and calm.

But you shouldn’t have to be patient. You shouldn’t have to wait for him to change. You shouldn’t have to wait this long.

He had taken advantage of your patience, convincing himself that things would work out eventually. He would catch on quickly. Or so he thought.

He had barely scratched the surface of learning sign language, and didn’t put in as much effort as he should’ve.

He wasn’t enough for her. His mind flooded with these thoughts and revelations. These words were sharp and seemed to pierce his heart, filling him with immense pain.

The gap between his hearing and your not hearing had grown too large, too large to ignore. At first, he had thought together you could leap over it, that your love would be enough. But he was wrong.

You deserved someone who would dive into that gap and build a bridge, piece by piece, brick by brick. Someone who would work to understand every gesture, every look you made, every unspoken word.

He wasn’t that person. He would never be that person.

Chenle glanced at the letter on the table, the words he had written laid out before his own eyes. He wanted to say goodbye, but he couldn’t find a way to do it face to face. Not properly. Not without him breaking down.

Maybe he wasn’t strong enough to say the words. Call him a coward. He couldn’t face you. He couldn’t even say he wanted to break up with you outright. Yet he wasn’t brave enough to stay and keep letting you down.

He heard you call his name again, your voice soft and light, the way you always spoke just for him. Your hands moved as you spoke, signing the words with ease, your face glowing after looking at him.

And in that moment, he realized: no matter who he met in the future, he would never love anyone the way he loved you.

But that love wasn’t enough.

The apartment felt emptier than ever when you walked in one day after work.

You’d noticed the change the moment you opened the door: the subtle shift in the air, the absence of his shoes by the entrance, the way the quiet seemed louder than usual, some space seemed emptier than you remembered. Your chest tightened as you stepped further inside looking around the living room.

That’s when you saw it.

A neatly folded envelope sat on the table, your name written on it in Chenle’s familiar handwriting. Beside it, the small dolphin you’d won at the amusement park laid out next to the letter on the table, its glossy black eyes staring back up at you.

You took a deep breath and swallowed, your hands trembling as you picked up the envelope. You didn’t open it right away. Instead, you stood there, staring at the letter, trying to steady your breathing for a bit. You knew this was coming. You tried to ignore the signs, but you were correct.

When you finally sat down, it was in the same chair Chenle always used. You never sat in it, since it always seemed like his spot. The cushion still felt warm somehow, as though he had been there just moments ago. You placed the envelope on the table in front of you, staring at it for what felt like an eternity before you finally gathered enough courage to open it.

The letter was written in his careful handwriting, each word deliberate, each line heavy with emotion. As you began to read, tears blurred your vision.

My dearest Y/N,

By the time you’re reading this, I’ll be gone. I know you probably saw it coming—I’ve been distant for a while now. And I know you deserve more than this. A goodbye in words rather than on a page. But this is the only way I could say everything I need to.

From the moment I met you, you were the brightest part of my life. You lit up every room you walked into. You taught me so much about patience, about kindness, about love.

And I failed you.

Things have been different, haven’t you noticed? I miss your laugh. I miss making you laugh. I miss that joyous echo of good times I could feel around the apartment, and I swear to god it was my favorite sound ever. I miss that. I miss us.

I don’t know how we got here. I don’t know how to fix it. Actually, that’s a lie. I do. But maybe I’m not cut out for that. I know I’m losing you, and it feels like I’m losing myself too.

I’ve tried to convince myself that our love would be enough to bridge the gap between us, that I could make up for my shortcomings. But the truth is, I haven’t. I’ve barely tried to learn about you and your world. You’ve carried so much of the burden, of the weight of our relationship, and I just let you.

You deserve someone who won’t let you do that. Someone who will learn every gesture, every sign there is in the vocabulary of sign language, who will work tirelessly to meet you where you are.

That someone isn’t me.

I hate myself for not being enough for you. I hate that I couldn’t give you what you deserve. And I hate that my love for you isn’t enough to fix this.

You always tried to meet me where I was, even when I couldn’t meet you halfway. I see that now. And I hate that I didn’t see it sooner.

I hope that someday, you find someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. Someone who will put in the effort I didn’t, someone who will never let you feel alone.

I’ll never stop loving you, Y/N. I just hope that letting you go gives you the chance to find the happiness I couldn’t give you.

I’m so sorry.

- Chenle

Your hands trembled, shaking the letter slightly, your tears dripping onto the paper and smudging the ink. You pressed your lips together, trying to stifle the sobs threatening to escape, but it was no use.

The dolphin on the table stared back at you as if it held all the memories you’d shared—the laughter, the quiet moments, the love.

You folded the letter carefully, placing it back in the envelope as your tears continued to fall. Sitting there in the silence, you felt the weight of his absence settle around you.

And yet, even through the pain, you couldn’t bring yourself to blame him.

Because you understood. And that hurt the most.

TAGLIST ↬ @lyvhie @aquaphoenixz @galacticnct @ldh0000 @polarisjisung @peterm4rker @sleepyvic @chenlesfavorite (u too pookie)

113 notes · View notes

lazyjellyfish300 · 3 days ago

Note

H-hey mootie

So it’s my birthday this week

So if you would make a blurb about drider!Miguel killing readers shitty husband then fucking her 🕷️

I would love it 🥺🥺🥺

Yes it’s Halloweeny that’s cause I didn’t have the energy to write it myself no matter the word count or format I know you can do it Justice!! Love ya!!

YES U CAN MY WONDERFUL MOOT. 🎉🎂 Dedicated to the amazing moot 🖤 HAPPY BIRTHDAY ILYYY 🕸️🕷️ @cullen-rutherford-wifey

Huge thanks to my moot adqui for the Spanish translation help, and to @politemenacephd for the inspiration and their flawless Drider!Miguel smut in Arachnophilia that helped me a ton with this fic. 🖤

can I be him

CW: MINORS DNI, X FEM!READER, MONSTERFUCKING, SMUT, P IN V, LOTS OF CUM, NIPPLE PLAY, LIGHT BONDAGE, SPIT, BREEDING, CREAMPIE, ANAL PLAY(idk if that's what it's called) EDGING, DRIDER!MIGUEL, ANGST, MUTUAL PINING, SLIGHTLY STALKER ISH BEHAVIOR, GRAPHIC BLOOD AND VIOLENCE, DOMESTIC DISPUTE, YOU HAVE A SHITTY HUSBAND, MURDER, INFIDELITY, A DARKER PIECE PLS PLSSSSS MIND THE WARNINGS.

Words 6.1k

Miguel shouldn't be doing this. But he can't help it. It was wrong to watch you like this. To want you like this.

The warm glow cast by the screen floating in front of him softened his chiseled features as he gazed longingly at you through the portal of dimensions that kept you apart.

A gorgeous, living variant of his own version of you that he could not save. The only one out of thousands he had come across. And believe that when he first lost you, his unfathomable grief kept him searching, scouring, waiting, hoping for months that there was one more universe out there where death didn't rip you away.

And the first he discovered just had to be one where you belonged to someone else.

Dated for almost five years now. Married for going on three. And the kicker was that bastard didn't even deserve you.

The multiverse was cruel. In every other reality, tragedy irrevocably tainted the legacy of Miguel O'Hara.

Always so close, and yet, never finding peace in any set of cards he was coldly dealt.

In this particular dimension he was watching you from, he was a mutant with his top half being that of a man and the lower half, that of a spider. A large abdomen adorned in fuzzy black hair with eight enormous thick legs like a tarantula and venomous fangs, irises of bleeding crimson to match. He was a drider. A monster, as far as he was concerned.

But there were times when he'd watch you that he'd allow himself to be crazy enough to dream that you could love someone like him.

At least in his mind he wasn't chained back by his fears and insecurities. At least for now in the sanctity of his office, your shitty husband didn't exist and you weren't lightyears away in an opposite plane of reality. You could be free to be all his, monstrous features be damned.

A version of you loved him once, would it really be all that far fetched to think you could possibly learn to love him again?

---

Another long day ended. You exhaled a weary sigh as you left the cold of late fall that was descending quickly into winter in the icy world behind you. Closing the door to your house that seldom felt like home these days.

You supposed your life was okay, but still you wouldn't have chosen it had you known this feeling of monotony would haunt you everywhere you went.

From your job, to sometimes family, but most of all your marriage. Nearly all your life, you felt out of place, but never quite like this. You supposed it started as early as nine months into your relationship with your now husband.

When he stopped buying flowers, when his texts became fewer, hours at work became longer, his patience shorter. You chalked it up to the unpredictable ebbs and flows of love.

"Love isn't perfect. Not all rainbows and butterflies," you were told time and time again.

When your husband wanted to, he could be great. When he was bad, he could be exceptionally worse. But how could you be so sure? With practically nothing to compare it to, you supposed this was simply the path that was carved out for you. Mediocrity may be disappointing but passion alone couldn't keep a roof over your head. Stability was still a wiser thing to choose than comfortability.

Even so, on the eve of your birthday, the empty spot next to you in bed that you slowly became accustomed to delivered that sharp reminder of just how lonely you really were.

Tears fell and seeking solace, you shamelessly indulged and allowed your mind to visualize him. That mystery man from afar who haunted your dreams and took up permanent residence in your mind with his bewitching crimson eyes. Sometime around when you suspected the love your husband once had for you had all but ceased.

You don't know why, but this being seemed to call for you, seemed to speak to you. To that forgotten part inside that for the life you couldn't explain why it remained empty.

It was almost like a cosmic bond to him, an adept yearning. An invisible lining etched into your very being that somehow recalled him in a different life. That gorgeous face without a name.

Miguel.

----

Miguel stirs awake, realizing he was a victim of sleep while watching you. His attention is called immediately to a growing spat between you and your husband.

"I asked a simple fucking question, John. Where. were. you."

"And I GAVE YOU A SIMPLE FUCKING ANSWER. Don't. fucking. worry. about. it."

Miguel sits up, high on alert, spider senses kicking in. Something about John's tone this time was highly unsettling.

"You know what, I've lost count by now, John..." You flung your hands in the air, weary, defeated and broken down by the endless disappointment, tear soaked trails running from your eyes that hadn't stopped since last night. "But of all the days out of the year...you just couldn't keep it in your pants on my fucking birthday..."

"Do you fucking hear yourself??" John screamed. "Nobody said anything about cheating! Where in this entire conversation has there ever even a hint about cheating? I'll fucking tell you: NONE." He points an accusatory finger. "You brought this all on yourself, not me!"

"It was Carla again, wasn't it." You nodded with a tearful sob, pacing around the living room. "Carla, fucking, Carla..."

Maybe fixing these pillows could distract you from the agonizing realization that you were reliving the nightmare of John's infidelity. Going on three for three when you thought the first and second time he had learned enough.

"I didn't sleep with goddamn Carla!!" John grabs a mug and hurls it at the wall.

That's it. Miguel draws a portal immediately. His yearning had reached a breaking point, and this fight was all the push he needed to come to shove. Miguel O'Hara normally obeyed the rules, but this version of him was unlike the others.

No rule was above being broken when it came to the lengths he would go for you.

"Real fucking mature, John. What are you gonna do huh? Gonna hit me, choke me?? Maybe then you'll actually be half the man you think you are!"

"Ohhh you fucking little..."

But before the worst can happen, an otherworldly threat makes itself known with a random buzzing orange window opening, allowing an enormous half man, half spider through.

You and your husband scream in horror, your conflict between you temporarily forgotten.

"Shit shit SHITTTT!!! WHAT THE FUCK!! John what's happening??"

"I don't fucking know..." John mumbles in disbelief, flinching as Miguel's long legs pound on the hardwood floor, echoing under his formidable size. His eyes appeared menacing, deeply laced with venomous dislike as he glowered at John, but seemed to soften, if not only for just a fleeting moment when they landed on you.

"If...if we both don’t get out of this. I need to tell you something" John mumbles almost incoherently as your fingers dug into his arm.

"W-what?" You turn to look at John, at this face that housed a soul inside it that you once knew but no longer recognized. Almost wordlessly appealing to whatever final shred of respect he had left inside for you as a last ditch effort to give you some semblance of the man you once loved.

"I ruined everything. Your sister and I fucked. Just know, I'm sorry..."

And before you could even have a moment to compute that final godforsaken dagger he had the nerve to drive into your heart, he shoved you in the way of the monster like a piece of meat so he could save his cowardly ass.

"JOHN!" the sound was wretched and broken. Devasted by betrayal. You shrieked in fear and brought your arms over your head, prepared to absorb whatever immense pain was about to wrack your whole body, praying frantically for a quick death.

But, you gasped in alarm when no such fate arrived and Miguel charged headfirst at your fleeing coward of a husband, pinning him to a wall as nearby photographs came down with crash of splintering glass.

His head hit the wall with a deafening crack, a dark pool of maroon beginning to leak from behind him and drip out of his nose.

He yelled but the sound was quickly muffled as Miguel's calloused hands wrapped around his throat, a couple trails of blood oozing down his fist.

"B-babe....aacghkk...please m'ergh sorry, I'm..." John tried to choke out, his teeth now coated in sheer red from where he bit his tongue, quiet trickles audible as the blood from his head seeped onto the floor underneath him.

Miguel was only moments away from crushing his windpipe, but he untensed his jaw when he heard you trying to catch your breath on the floor. He turned, taking note of how helpless and fearful you looked.

Though it would have given him immense pleasure to pull the plug, he had to think of you first.

"Do you mind?" He merely asks, his eyes cold as his fingers tightened just a bit.

"P-please..." John croaks. "Please...Babe..."

You're still reeling from anger that was slowly turning to anguish. As you looked at John, for the first time you felt nothing. It only took years and him nearly sacrificing you before himself for you to wake up and realize the sorry shell of a man he had turned into.

"Goodbye, John." You uttered like venom and turned away as you heard the sickening crackle and then wet sound of choking blood as Miguel snapped John's neck in half.

----

"You okay?"

"Fine."

Miguel could tell you were lying. After swiftly disposing of the body in a different dimension and washing up, he had came back to discover you hadn't moved an inch from your spot on the floor. Your numbness kept you anchored, gazing into the haunting abyss of the blood spatter that remained on the wall.

"Hey, easy now. " Miguel murmured as you finally began to stand up.

"I can handle my own, thanks."

"Of course, I mean..." He clears his throat, stomach uneasy when you became short with him. "Sorry."

You two sat opposite each other in the living room with you and on the couch and Miguel on the floor as that was the only space that could accommodate him.

Sometime during the seemingly infinite silence, you realized all of this bullshit your now dead ex managed to put you through in his final hours on earth made you profoundly indifferent to the fact a literal drider broke into your home.

"Who are you?" You ask at last. "And why didn't you kill me too?"

Miguel looks at you quickly, glad the empty silence was broken at last. "My name is Miguel." He looks down, shame in his expression. "And I, well.."

He doesn't think he should divulge all of his secrets yet. Surviving near death by drider and having your husband's cheating revealed shortly before his untimely death was more than enough burden to bear.

"I'm not from around here."

"I gathered that." Your eyes rake over his enormous form. You should be beside yourself. This man creature just killed your husband after all. But something about his voice was calming. Oddly soothing. Dare you say it was, rather attractive?

"So what are you, half spider?"

For the first time, an inkling of amusement shows on his face. "What, did my eight legs give it away?"

"Just a little." You hum, bringing your knees to your chest as you allowed yourself to relax.

"You know, you're...eerily calm about all of this."

"Heh...I know. Guess I kind of feel like I'm still asleep and I'm gonna wake up any minute."

"Wanna test that theory?" Miguel quirks a brow.

You pinch yourself while keeping your deadpan stare, holding it for a moment as if it would do anything. "Nope."

"Wow." Miguel says sarcastically to which you can't help but snicker. "So, do weird occurrences like this happen to you often? Still doesn't explain why you're not completely hysterical about all this."

"I watch the news." You shrug. "Crazy shit happens in New York all the time. What with Spider-Man being a thing and all. Just a step above normal, I'd say."

"Ah." It made sense. Miguel should've known your dimension had its own spider. A little bit of relief washed over him. At least this made things a bit less messy on his end. He falls silent again, stealing little glances of you now and then.

You were fucking ethereal in person. Being this close was something he only dreamed about. Now that it was happening in real time, he was wracking his mind desperately for ideas on how to drag it out as long as he could.

"So if I may: how'd you become half spider?" You ask the hard question at last.

Miguel raises his eyebrows, somewhat relieved you took the first leap. He proceeds to tell you about his lab accident, and how he became spliced with spider DNA.

He tells you about the multiverse, and how there are many versions of him out there with the same story, but his cursed him with the lower half of a mutant unlike most.

"So, if there's a whole multiverse out there, are there multiple versions of myself too?" You lean your chin on your hand like a curious pupil.

Miguel nods stiffly, trying to disguise the weight of the information he held. "Yeah. "

You go silent again, then you ask, "Did you know me in your own universe?"

Miguel's heart pangs subtly at the reminder. "Yeah, I did..." He looks away from you but you can't help but continue to stare at him.

He really was so pleasant to look at. That brown, wavy hair that curled just slightly at the ends you could only imagine would run like silk between your fingers, eyes a hue of red that couldn't be replicated anywhere except the deep center of the rarest rose, lulling voice that dripped from those full lips. This formidableness about him that crumbled into gentleness only when it came to you did absolutely nothing but pull you closer to him.

For the first time, those unconnected dots in that unanswered part of you in your dreams might be falling into place.

"Was I quite close to you?" Your heart steadily begins to pick up.

Miguel shook under his desire to just let the facade fall away and pull you into his arms. But he remained still as he looked back at you, silent plea from behind his words that was only articulated in those eyes that put bleeding sunsets to shame.

"You meant the world to me."

The pieces coming together prompted these strong emotions you weren't expecting, coming out in broken tears. "So that's why you found me..." You shook your head.

Miguel's heart tugs outside of his chest. He stands up, drawing closer, then his legs folded as he leaned in to where you sat on the couch. When you didn't pull away, he got the courage to cup your face in both his hands, gently wiping the wetness away.

"Why didn't you come get me sooner?" It clicks at that very moment. That tender gaze that graced you now could not belong to anyone other than your starcrossed beloved who visited every time you closed your eyes.

"I wanted to." Miguel must suppress his own tears at this point. Oh how he wanted to, how he ached to.

"Believe me, I really did, mi vida.."

His term of endearment for you just encourages you to liquify under his touch even more. "But why didn't you?? I was so miserable. I waited for you. I thought you weren't real. Thought you were never coming..."

"I know, I know." Miguel closed his eyes when your foreheads met at last. This feeling of touching you for the first time elated him, shedded him of his internal torment. He felt like he was soaring.

"You were married and I was..." He sighs deeply, pulling away just a little, "I was... well, me."

"What do you mean by that?" You furrow your brows, your heart panged by hurt, trying to understand why. Why he deprived himself of this thing you both clearly wanted when it was right there.

"Nobody as beautiful as you would ever love someone who looks like me.."

A pit falls to the bottom of your stomach and you immediately shake your head. "No...no, that couldn't be further from the truth, Miguel..."

You sit up, leaning in as you took his face in your hands again. His eyes went wide in disbelief. "W-what are you..."

A million chills erupt in Miguel's body that become embers of warmth as your lips touch for the first time. He holds his breath, then sighs. The little break in between the kiss and the low, gentle sound coming from him just encourages you to meet him again, and again.

Your fingers wind their way into his hair and his own hands couldn't do anything but pull you even closer as the kiss deepened under the weight of the burning passion. The longing was set free, a million questions answered that just kept confirming to Miguel over and over that this couldn't be more right. Canon be damned, rules be damned as your lips and your hands became a slow dance of sensual exploration.

"Miguel..."

"Please I-mnghhh..." He pleads then relents immediately as he lets his head roll gently back, allowing you to continue blazing tantalizing trails of kisses all over his neck. Because of the size difference between you both, he scoops you into his arms off the couch. He can't help but indulge the feeling of your body pressed against his, using his grip on your thighs to grind you ever so lightly against his abdomen.

The pressure delivered from the press of his body shoots directly to your core and you shamelessly take that as permission to roll your hips slightly as you straddled him, releasing that first moan into his mouth when your lips came back up from exploring the warmth of his neck.

That delicious little sound you make nearly wrecks him in the best way. Miguel moans equally louder as his kisses dial up in intensity. His teeth begin nipping intermittently as the kiss morphs into a passionate exchange of saliva and collision of lips on lips. The potent venom laced in his fangs pools with the building zeal and it seeps into your mouth, leaving sweet aftertaste whose foreignness only fuels your arousal.

An enormous thud echoes as Miguel falls backwards, but it does absolutely nothing to deter the flame lit under you. You both find a comfortable rhythm as his hands guide your hips as you ride his large spider abdomen while your makeout session riled with fervor. The coarse bristly hairs were a delicious addition to the addicting friction with each slow roll of your body. Miguel's lips fall open and his eyes falter. You relish this feeling of power over him, this enormous drider who all but became a weak weak man when he was underneath you.

You bite your lip as each heavenly movement inspires you to leave all shame at the door and start to put on a show. You card your fingers in your hair, moving it in your eyes in erotic display, groaning as you rolled your head every which way in careless abandon, letting your fingers dip in your mouth, squeezing your breasts.

"Fuckkk me..." Miguel breathes out. "Fuck me, you're so...God, you're so beautiful..." He hands continue to knead the swell of your ass, gritting his teeth as his grip locks down even harder and he feels you humping directly over his slit where his phallus was hardening underneath the ocean of fur to the point of ache.

His hands then move to play with your breasts, your eyes widened when the spot on your hips is quickly replaced with two of his smaller forelegs, one of them teasing the waistband of your pants as his human hands quickly unclasped your bra.

"Miguellll...." You mewl as one of his forelegs holds your hip steady while the other works little circles through your clothed clit, all while you felt his warm, wet tongue flatten and tease your left nipple. All you can do at this point is moan and let him wreck you completely, this pleasure that was smoldering you from all sides.

You gazed down, amazed and aroused to discover that the lower half attached to this beautiful man you were tangled in only fueled the desire, this taboo. Knowing fully well that he was capable of bloodshed, but for now he only wanted to fuck you. You grinded harder against him, answering his soft ministrations of your clit with eager gyrations of your hips.

"Me vas a terminar matando..."(You'll end up killing me) He weakly chuckled, "So, so perfect..."

Miguel is intoxicated by your breasts, circulating and squeezing them together, while his lips dribbled and slobbered as he sucked them both greedily into his mouth in messy alteration.

Soon both round globes were coated in a dripping sheen of his venom, working the thickening syrup in sloppy circles over both nipples that tingled and numbed you so deliciously along with the teasing circles of his thumbs that it made your back arch to the heavens.

He leaned back momentarily to admire his handiwork, lower jaw shiny with a mixture of venom and spit, a steamy yet filthy display of his subtle ownership he now felt over you.

His.

His rightful claim when he snapped your sorry ass excuse of a husband like a twig. Each little noise you made all for him only swelling his pride and confirming his suspicion that the loser couldn't make you cum like he could.

Speaking of cumming, you were damn near close. Miguel doesn't want to be greedy and would love to let his sweet little darling cream and squirt all over his stomach right now, but the thought was more appealing for this first time being on his tongue or, if you were up for it, his drider cock.

"I wanna cum, Miguel, please I wanna cum..." You whined, temporarily losing that sweet spot as he removed his forelegs from their massage on your clit.

"I know baby, I'm gonna make you cum..." He kissed you. "You'll cum for me. Many times, I'll make sure of it..." He panted, moving a finger underneath your chin. "How do you feel about taking my cock?"

The straightforward nature of his question answered itself in the further dampening spot in your panties. "Please...Y-yes pleaseee, Miguel. Want you to fuck me...want you to give me your cock..."

"Yeah?" He groaned, hands slinking all up and down your body, under your clothes, stroking your breasts. "I'll give it to you then, baby...fill you up so good..."

He paused then kissed you deeply once more. "You're gonna have to trust me... We'll have to try something different so this can work..."

You nodded. "I trust you, Miguel."

"Okay..." He whispered. "You're still okay with this?"

"Yes, I'm okay..." You breathed back. "I'm okay, baby. I want you so badly. I'm willing to try anything so you can be so deep inside of me..."

"Fuck, me too..." He groaned back against your lips. "Okay, hold on f'me..."

He set you back down on the couch and you were floored as you watched your beloved turn into an artist, spinning an elaborate web that stretched from floor to ceiling, almost like a swing that was anchored solidly on both sides to the wall.

"Mi vida..." He offers you his hand like a gentleman, helping you up. "Can I?" He whispers as his hands disappear underneath your clothes.

"Yes..."

He strips you carefully and slowly like fine china, letting the anticipation build as every patch of skin slowly became revealed to him.

Somehow letting him undress you, sliding the rest of your panties off and simply letting his eyes roam freely all over your body felt like the most intimate thing you had done all night, even more so as he still remained fully clothed in his top half as he stood back and drunk in the sight of you like wine.

"You're simply stunning, love..."

His hands ghosted low on your hips until they rested on the bare curve of your ass. You jumped and wrapped your thighs around him, Miguel tensed his jaw with a smirk as he kneaded the plump flesh of your ass, hardening again when he felt your bare slick he drew out of your pussy earlier against his stomach.

He nestled you into the makeshift swing that was soft and sticky as the fibers clung to your bare skin in a natural adhesive. He spun more webs around your ankles, opening them slightly.

"Is this still okay?" He asked gently again.

Exhilaration washed over you but you nodded, grinning and easing your legs open in further tease to demonstrate your own building excitement for what was to come. "Yes..."

"Good." His voice went halfway between a groan again at your pretty pussy blossoming like a flower in front of him.

He stood back, eyes cloudy and trained on you as he removed his shirt, letting it fall in a quiet heap to the ground.

You drank him in as well like an offering, moaning audibly when the slit in his fur low on his abdomen opened to reveal a long, thick, hard red cock with pulsating black veins adorning both sides. It curved upwards, and it throbbed, making your mouth water.

This only made the full sight of your monstrous lover even more alluring as he stood before you in all his drider glory, towering over you even now when you were closer to his eye level in your makeshift swing, with your thighs spread and your silky cunt begging to be filled.

He shot a web onto your belly, pulling you in closer while you still sat settled on the swing, giggling as he smirked playfully at you, until just the tip of his cock kissed between your folds.

"Hi there..." You chuckled, tilting your head up, wetting your lips seductively.

He groaned quietly in a stew of lust as he saw your tongue rake over your bottom lip,

"Hello, sweetheart...fucking gorgeous thing, you..."

He gently pinched both sides of your cheeks between his thumb and pointer finger, immediately bringing you into a deep french kiss.

The feeling of his warm tongue sliding in your mouth shot directly down to your cunt, only amping up in electricity as he teased his plump girthy head of his cock all around your pulsing clit.

"Miguel....fuck me..." Your spine arched and your nails dug into his shoulder, aggravating the raging arousal he was simmering for you all over his body. "Don't tease me like this, baby..."

Miguel released a mischievous chuckle that tapered into another one of his low moans that goaded you even deeper into all this pent up frustration you wish he'd take out on your now sopping pussy already.

"Ten paciencia, mi vida, por favor... " (Be patient, my life, please) He cooed sweetly at you, lightly brushing his nose against yours "Gotta get you nice and ready to take me..."

You breath became choked in your lungs when he begins to massage the fat tip directly over your velvety clit, grunting as he felt another drip of arousal leak and coat all along the thick head.

"Besides..." He murmured heavily though soft parted lips, entranced with hooded eyes. "The more I edge you, the more pleasureable it'll be when I finally make you cum all over my cock..."

"Baby, please..." The crescendo of arousal swelled in your belly, making your eyes water. You coaxed your body against him faster, desperate to reach that peak, but your movements were minimal due to the webbing. The feeling of emptiness covered you but was quickly eased when he promptly removed his tip from your clit again, this time dragging it down to your dripping entrance.

"Kiss me..." Miguel murmured and he didn't need to tell you twice. His tongue rolled and rubbed with yours as he began to circle his cock into your wet opening, inch by inch filling you ever so slowly. You gasp into his mouth, realizing this whole time what he was talking about. You felt every rigid vein, every solid groove as his drider cock slowly pushed into you, stretching you beyond comprehension. It was unlike any you've ever taken before. Fuck, it felt better than any you'd ever taken before.

Once you got past the daunting size, the addicting feeling and pleasure of having his cock inside you set off a new chorus of breathy moans from your lips. You sighed deliciously as you greedily accepted everything he was giving you, so transfixed on his divine face that was watching you the entire time.

Miguel was irrevocably smitten, completely enamored with the way your warm silky walls wrapped around him, the way you looked at him with immense rapture. Fuck, this feeling was greater than anything he felt in his entire life as your pussy molded to him like it was made for him. "So tight, cariño..." He teased then hissed as he reached the hilt.

You two gazed at each other, completely silent for what felt like divine eternity. Simply enjoying the feeling of Miguel being buried so deeply inside you.

"I'm gonna start fucking you..." He whispered.

"Go slow at first, baby..." You purred back, clenching your pussy around him, biting your lip when it earned another weak grunt from him. "Wanna feel you nice and deep like this for a bit..."

"Haah...you're a goddamn tease..." Miguel huffed. "I'll try and go slow as long as I can..." The sound that came from him next was downright pathetic as he looked down at where he had you stuffed to the brim, feeling along the emerging bulge in your belly.

"You feel so fucking good, it's hard not to just fucking ravish you right now..."

"Mmm...just kiss me, then..." You murmured and he quickly seized onto that opportunity as he slowly began to pump inside you with lengthy, meaningful thrusts. Every movement was so wet and sloppy with drenched noises as a sea of slick began to drool from your pussy, coating his cock that slid in and out of you with greater ease as the moments passed.

You squeezed your thighs in a death grip around his large waist as you became more hammered off this euphoria, the bristly hairs tickling the sensitive sides along your clit, goading you to grind back into each deep thrust.

"Shit..." And Miguel's patience flew out the door with that lethal squeeze of your thighs, his hands gripped the curve of your ass as he began to completely unload on your needy wet cunt. You cried out as you took every torturous inch like the absolute whore you were for him in this moment.

It tested your limits but God, this feeling of him thoroughly fucking you nice and hard scratched that nagging, primal itch you experienced ever since you first laid eyes on him. You were practically drooling at this point, laying back and taking it, your submission just fueling his fire, unlocking that deep seated urge to fucking breed this perfect cunt for all it was worth, to ruin you and fuck your brains out so you could feel him for weeks.

"Miguel, Miguel, Miguellllll....." The hungry, wispy mantra of his name from your lips nearly set him off the edge alone, a raw possession washing over him completely as he railed his cock into you to new limits.

"You're all mine now, you know that..."

"I'm all yours Miguel...all yours baby..."

He cut you off with another fiery kiss. "Wanna cum inside you, baby, can I?"

"Fffuck yes....yes, Miguel, fill me..."

"I'll fill you up, baby..." His forelegs come up again, but this time one directly rubbing quick, vibrating circles on your clit, while one gently teased and massaged the puckered rim of your ass, all while his heavy slick covered cock continued to pound your pussy. "But you're gonna cum f'me first..."

"Miguel..."

You nearly black out as you see heaven. Miguel locks in, dipping his head down as he swallowed onto your left breast again, tweaking and tugging the nipple of the right, his mouth salivating and more venom dousing and dripping from his tongue, soaking down your already sweaty body.

The web renders you helpless as you have no option but to lay there and let him pleasure you past anything you thought you could handle. It felt like overstimulation as you shook and cowered and whined so loudly it could wake the neighbors.

Your thighs trembled, tears leaking out of the corner of your eyes as you forced yourself to let go. The premature ending of all the previous other treatments he bestowed on your spent pussy piled on top of one another, making this one far more intense and overwhelming than the others. Thick cream oozed lewdly out of you, making a sticky, glossy mess of both your pubes and coating his black fur.

"Cumming, sweetheart..." He panted, dripping sweat all down his reddened face, some of it landing in your mouth but you could care less. Everything about this encounter was so dirty and nasty already. The salacious feeling of consuming every part of one another from head to toe reduced you to nothing but a hole for him to dump his cum in, and you'd let him every time.

"I-love-you...."

And his heavy sweaty shaft and bulbous tip nudged your g spot simultaneously as his foreleg's massage of your swollen clit that your orgasm shuddered and rattled your bones, a new sinful coat of wetness squirting and seeping into Miguel's black fur that he soaked in like a badge of honor.

He forgot to warn you before, but when the coil in his balls finally released and he came inside you, the thick, viscous drider cum was like lava as it spilled and drooled and leaked from your insides. Even after you thought he had emptied, another spurt of a thick rope of cum painted your drenched walls and flooded out of you.

You both merely panted, eyes locked on each other in a display of intimacy of the deepest and most carnal kind, the overwhelming haze of orgasmic bliss made you both speechless. It almost didn't compute that he told you he loved you.

You laid there in your spiderweb tangled underneath your drider lover in the now fully emerged daytime, world outside none the wiser of the steamy, lewd acts that took place. All the more enthralling that this became a love nest built on top of your blood lust and mutual yearning that exploded like gasoline on a fire.

For now, real life could wait as you came back down to Earth and gazed at the flood of slick cum dripping and oozing from both of you. You felt that primal urge kick up again as Miguel smirked, softly stuffing the mess of what he could back inside the pool of glistening white that peeked between your aching folds.

"And I love you too, Miguel.." You whispered back.

All the puzzle pieces of his scattered life fell back into place as he heard those glorious words hit him like a train. He willed this himself. Even if it meant taking you from another dimension, this thread across time, this inevitable bond was now cemented permanently with your lovemaking and the deepest parts of him that were now inside you.

He could deal with all that bullshit later; he had his love back with him where she rightfully belonged.

You both laughed to yourselves as you sauntered down this path of mutual bliss and made a plan to leave all this behind and start a new life with your Drider lover in his reality.

But first...you couldn't help but pull him closer and he couldn't help but groan loudly as he effortlessly slipped inside you again,

"It's you and me against the stars, mi vida..."

And he groaned before rhythmically moving his body in that sinful dance with yours,

"But first I'm gonna prove it by fucking you all over again."

---

89 notes · View notes

iamespecter · 9 hours ago

Text

THIS.... OH MY GOD. THIS.

...THIS IS SUCH A GREAT ANALYSIS. THIS MAKES ME LOVE JAX EVEN MORE EVEN THOUGH I HAVE THE TENDENCY TO HATE ASSHOLE CHARACTERS.

And admittedly enough, if this analysis needs proof that this can happen to people in real life, I think I'm proof enough of that. I'm a person who doesn't really deal with what life throws at me very well, like yeah sure, I can act silly and goofy online but the moment I step away from the screen and reality seeps in?

... All I can really say is that I don't have a good coping mechanism for all the trauma I went through growing up in an abusive household. I even remember how it started: Memorizing the entire Kung Fu Panda movies and going to a secluded area, pretending I'm the characters because it came from a place of wanting to beat up my physically and verbally abusive, asshole of a father.

I'm not even kidding; sometimes when things are really really bad for me, I'll stare off into a wall or the floors and imagine an invisible audience that can hear my thoughts as they observe me like you would a TV show, and those thoughts slowly devolve into a third person narration that's either describing my motivation, my plans, my next move, or talking like it's an entirely separate entity from me.

When I'm in the bathroom, I talk to myself like I'm in a talk show in order to lessen the buzzing thoughts occupying my head. Keeping silent so that my cover isn't blown.

I've even entertained my friends that I prefer to be an NPC and while I don't say it to them often (because of fear of being thought of mentally insane, who could imagine), it always crosses my mind when I walk down a street, thinking "what if I was a background character, experiencing the world that I'm meant to be worldbuilding fodder for".

Listening to music helps stop these thoughts because the music blasts it all out, leaving no space for any crazy thoughts like that.

But to hear this analysis and to finally understand what pulls me to Jax that other asshole characters can't.... it's... I don't know how to feel. A part of me feels seen, but a part is also just... preventing me from further spiraling at the realization.

It's scary to admit this. It's downright horrifying, even, that I have a pit forming at my stomach as I tell this. To not only admit it to myself, but to also admit this publicly, where people would think I'm not mentally sound. Perhaps I am, perhaps I actually need help as much as I wanna say I don't, but I still wanna get this out there.

With Gooseworx all but confirming that the Jax being an AI thing is bullshit, I personally want to talk about an interesting part about Jax that a lot of theorists used as "evidence" that validates the theory:

Jax's fourth wall breaks are a common topic brought up amongst the "Jax is an NPC" theory. After all, Caine broke the fourth wall in the pilot, knowing full well that the world of The Amazing Digital Circus isn't real and is talking to some unseen viewer as he introduces the Circus Crew.

There's also this bit of official art surrounding Jax's pin:

Where everyone else is inside their room, Jax is outside as pieces of the circus fall apart around him and all of reality to crash. Certainly lends itself to this idea that Jax knows he's not a real person and that his presence could cause great disruption to this world. And he doesn't care because none of it is real. Might as well have fun and cause chaos in a world that doesn't exist.

And I'll admit, all of this seems like valid claims for how the theory could be true. I saw it all and thought that it surely COULD be possible...but there are some things that stop me from being convinced.

Firstly, Caine breaking the fourth wall in the pilot doesn't really seem like an AI talking to the audience. It looks more like an AI programmed to talk to a player as a game boots up. What we saw in the opening could be more like a morning routine that he has to do at least once a day. Plus, we've yet to see any other NPC talk to the audience like Jax has. He explicitly called out the viewers in episode three, knowing full well he's being watched by SOMEONE. Or, at the very least, acting like he is. What do I mean by that? Well, to explain, I'd like to use one of my favorite fourth wall breakers as an example:

Deadpool, in most adaptations, knows fully well that he's a fictional character. He'll talk to the readers/viewers, move the camera around, and constantly talk shit to the writers/studio for occasionally screwing him over. It's all in good (Sometimes bloody) fun...but there's a canonical reason for this. It's not like She-Hulk where the fourth wall breaks are a way to tell HER stories HER way. You see, Deadpool...is just fucking insane.

No, really, that's the reason. Due to the trauma of gaining his powers, Deadpool's mind breaks and he's led to believe that he MUST be a fictional character. In comics, he actually gets voices in his head that makes him think he must be some comic book superhero, and the movies implied that something similar happened given how he never broke the fourth wall ONCE before getting his powers. This means him breaking the fourth wall could be seen as a coping mechanism. After all, it's better to believe you're a fictional character designed to entertain some invisible audience than believe that all of the shitty things that happened to you and people close to you is just a cruel joke from the universe.

Sound familiar?

Going back to the pilot, remember how Pomni's first instinct was to say that the Circus was all just a dream? To her, it's better to live in a lie that everything around her isn't real than to accept the reality that she's stuck in digital purgatory. Jax very well could be going through something similar, but unlike Pomni who seemed to just accept her reality, Jax never did. The trauma of being stuck in the Circus had led to his mind breaking just like Pomni's, Kinger's, and anyone else's. It's just that, for him, he thinks he's coping with it better because he discovered the secret that no one else did: None of this is real.

They're not actually people trapped in some hellscape while an AI unintentionally tortures them. They're all just fictional characters whose tragedies and silly antics are used to entertain viewers. I mean, it's either that or they're real people forever trapped in the circus with the closest thing to death being a full, psychotic break as they give up their sanity because they no longer want to exist in this hell anymore...But that possibly can't be true. Because if that IS true, then Jax has to face that he's a real person stuck in a real, awful situation that he can't joke his way out of. So, it's best to think nothing is real and nothing they do matter. So, might as well have fun with it.

Going back to the pin...

I don't think this is damning evidence about Jax being an NPC. Actually, it perfectly captures who he is as a character. He knows the circus isn't real. He even thinks HE isn't real. So instead of grappling with that, Jax lets himself believe that if nothing is real than nothing he does matters. He can break things, ruin lives, and assist in torturing the others in the circus. It's what he thinks will make the show more entertaining, even though all he's really entertaining is himself so his mind doesn't break more than it does.

Now, could the same apply if he's an NPC? Well...maybe. Gumigoo definitely proves how far someone could fall when they're told their world is fake. He was about ready to give up on life because he didn't think he had one. If Jax was an NPC, I could see him having a similar break, but going in the far opposite direction where, instead of giving up on life, he chooses to live the way HE wants it. Instead of being some one-off NPC for a lame adventure, he could go off on adventures of his own and ruin the lives of others now that his is thoroughly ruined.

However, Gooseworx makes a good point: "...a lot of people come up with theories based on how unexpected they'd be, and not because they make sense or align with the show's themes."

If Jax is an NPC, it would harm the overall message of the show. That there's meaning to be found in a stagnant life, and you find that meaning with people close to you who make that life worth living. Jax represents a sort of foil to that idea, with his way of coping with the madness being pure chaos and breaking others. It's his coping mechanism, and it works because it shows how human Jax really is. They're ALL human and they have human desires and wants, with the Circus pretty much stripping that away and leaving them...as they are now. They're emotionally broken, their sanity is decreasing, and some of them are losing all sense of self. By making Jax an NPC, it would definitely be surprising, but it would take away from that idea. It no longer makes him a human facing his own tragedy but instead an AI that's just as broken as Gummigoo. More than that, it gives the others an easy out. All the crew has to do is tell Caine that Jax is an NPC and POOF! No more annoyance. So making him someone who HAS to stay with the others and they're forever forced to deal with him also adds more to THEIR tragedy and torture.

Jax being an NPC is an interesting theory, but I don't think it's one that SHOULD be true. To me, it's more fascinating watching Jax treat the world around him as meaningless knowing he's a human instead of a rogue NPC breaking everything. And Gooseworx made it clear how they feel about it. Now, could it potentially be a mislead to get fans off the trail? Genuinely...I don't think so. That sounded very "I don't like this idea so it's not gonna happen" type of response. Still, we won't know until the show wraps up. Anything can happen, but don't get your hopes up if a character who does bad things to people that don't deserve it is more human than you think.

#tw abuse #tw trauma #tw childhood trauma #tadc analysis #jax #the amazing digital circus

252 notes · View notes

blueberrypancakesworld · 17 hours ago

Note

Could you write for a female concubine that both Geta and Caracalla are in a relationship with?

The concubine of two gods

Geta/Caracalla x concubine!reader

warning : comfort, kissing, touching, mention of smut (rather smutish) nothing explicit, no use of y/n, nicknames : sun, heart, goddess

Summary : Her past uninteresting, her future uncertain, but in the present she had her place, she belonged to the emperors of Rome. A single concubine for the care of two gods, two men who desired and possessed her. She was theirs and had no choice but to obey...

info : Thank you so much anon for the request, I am so pleased to get one for Gladiator II. I love the idea, I wanted to do something similar myself someday, so this fits all the better. Have fun reading ;)

masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A scandal in the eyes of the senate, two emperors who had only passed their twentieth birthday a few moons ago without an heir were having fun with a concubine rather than looking for a wife.

But the Senate's secret was kept under wraps and the people hardly noticed, so Emperor Geta and Emperor Caracalla were all the more furious when the golden hands were placed around their handsome possessions.

The blue eyes of the imperial siblings had settled on them, both had been on a quest for something more fun, someone who was not tainted by lowly origins.

A woman who was a nobody and lived only for the bedie, ,,Give us our desire and we'll give you the world” Geta had promised her when he had put the tight gold bracelet on her, engravings of Apollo carved into it. It belonged to Geta and the chain that could be attached to the gold bracelet had a leather handle made by Caracalla.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Emperor Geta

°For Geta it was Olympus, the sky he could turn to at any time when he disappeared from the light of attention. After a Senate meeting or a visit to the Colosseum, she was waiting for him, would always find him and he didn't have to search to catch sight of her. ,,My heart” he greeted her, placing a kiss on the back of her hand, kissing the golden rings he had made for her, she was his property.

°Above all, he could do anything he wanted with his property, satisfy his lust for her in every conceivable way. At night in his chambers, he went to her under the furs and pillows, saw the emperor without make-up and golden clothes, while he ran his hands over her golden body. Lips that tasted hers, that kissed and tasted her body, grips that would leave colorful stains like a mosaic and two bodies that demanded lust, ,,My...you are bound to the emperor” he reminded her and fingers closed tightly around her jaw.

°As lustful as nights and days could be, she was just as magnificent when she was at his side. He appeared with her in the safety of the palace, two gods whose hearts seemed to wander through the corridors, ,,More divine than they will ever be” she flattered him and adjusted the golden laurel wreath before they entered the senate together. With her at his side, he had the missing piece in his government, what he had in ideas and plans, she had in eloquence and influence behind him to make it happen.

°His past known to her but hers all the more mysterious, something that harmonized when they joined forces in the Senate against the "false" friends and he held her hand as they witnessed the stabbing of some senators, ,,Thanks to your grace" he whispered to her, a hot breath and a kiss on her neck a sign for more, for the night. But especially when the sun went down and the moon came out, the light of the goddess gradually lost its meaning and only the young man Geta remained, without make-up, without gold, only with a name that she spoke with her lips.

°When he lay there on the bed in pillows and furs, the goblet of wine in his hand and looking vulnerable, she was there to keep him from being alone with his thoughts. She would run her hand through his hair, kiss him and run her hand over his hands where the gold lay, ,,You will never lose your power...my Emperor” she would murmur to him, looking over the rim of the goblet at him and resting her hand on his chest.

°Two hearts that beat the same in dark hours when the burden of a ruler becomes too much. For when her olive ring felt too tight, he was there to loosen it, a reminder of his power, but in the same breath it was he who wrapped his arms around her, not letting go because he needed her not only physically, but also to have his human side protected by her.

°Above the gold, he and she were two gods when they wanted to be, but underneath they were two humans caught up in a larger thing. Love and devotion was the only thing holding them together before they became Emperor Geta and his nameless concubine again with the rising of the sun...but with the sun, a second desire settled over them, one with a lust for blood.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Emperor Carcalla

°Caracalla did not see the divine when he saw her, he saw an amusement that never ended. Like a personal spectacle, a coliseum, a fight, a never-ending blood...more like a pet he dragged behind him on a leash...but in the figure of a woman in whose arms he wanted to lie when his existence became too heavy.

°His interest in politics was hardly an open secret, he could hardly make decisions himself without Geta being there. But now that he had the need, the desire for something for the first time, he didn't let himself be dissuaded. ,,If brother gets you at night, I'll take you during the sun,” he made his intentions clear, his smile revealing the gold tooth, the same sound of the leash rattling as he started to move and she had no choice but to follow.

°A follow she did day in and day out from the colloseum where she sat next to him, his hand wrapped around hers, sharing his excitement with her when one of his gladiators killed the opponent and blood spurted through the counter, ,,You bring us luck sun!” he proclaimed and a kiss as a reward. An intimacy he lived out with her in a different way what Geta wanted to have control over, Caracalla wanted to see everything free from her.

°When lights from the sun were reflected in mirrors, the emperor's chamber was illuminated and a trail of blood ran around the room, a throaty moan could be heard every now and then between the laughter. ,,Wonderful! My goddess is as beautiful on the outside as she is on the inside!” he shouted as if he were entertaining an audience as he applied the knife once more, her naked body ran across the room, the chain slept across the floor and one of Caracalla's hands lay on the knife while his other lay under his toga.

°Despite his fits, he knew better than to take her than to pursue his lust physically with her, but both benefited from such a game. With each thrust as he pulled her to him, her skin warm and bleeding, her gasps and moans as he kissed her just to taste and lick her blood, his amusement grew, ,,Such a good king,” she replied, the pleasure in his eyes turning to a smile and another moan leaving his lips.

°Despite all the blood and lust, he was eager for her anchoring, for the woman in whose arms he loved to lie like a child who could do no wrong. A child who listened to stories of war, he giggled when another one died and stretched out to her touch when she gently stroked his cheek and gave him a kiss on the head, ,,My handsome emperor” her praise turned him on, soothed him and made him clasp the chain tighter.

°For Caracalla she was everything, a wife, an entertainment, his desire, the mother he ever wanted to have and he was almost like a child born with a golden tooth in his mouth. A king who was addicted to her and her feelings for him went deeper than that of a concubine and her emperor, it was recognition and love that united them both when the sun was in the sky before she went back to his brother at night because she was sworn to both of them for all time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@potatoesenpaii , @sigiismunda , @cottoncandiescupcakes , @somepallings , @abundance-of-fic-reblogs , @trampstampbrbie

@orphdices , @k-yurieee

#gladiator ii #gladiator 2 #emperor geta #emperor geta x reader #emperor caracalla #emperor caracalla x reader #male x female #reader is female

82 notes · View notes

pricesprettyprincesss · 2 days ago

Text

There’s a thing I wrote about Simon… I hope you like it…

MDNI - suggestive content

“Boys Night”

Simon decided to host a boys' night at his place, inviting his friends Johnny and Gaz over for drinks and video games, reminiscent of their younger days. As they lounged on the couch the next morning, Johnny couldn't resist making jokes about the previous night's antics.

“Give it to me, Simon, that’s what she kept screaming!” Johnny laughed, his voice filled with mock enthusiasm.

“Give it—give it to me, Simon!” Gaz chimed in, throwing his head back against Johnny's shoulder, the laughter contagious.

But Simon remained unamused, his expression resembling that of a disgruntled cat forced to endure the antics of its human companions. Despite the jovial atmosphere, there was an underlying tension in the air, as if Simon's patience was wearing thin.

I was walking from our bedroom to the kitchen to retrieve a snack for myself when I heard Johnny’s comment. I saunter over to the living room, to grace my fiancé with my presence. “Actually Johnny, I said give it to me harder daddy” I smirk as I lean over to kiss Simon’s masked face, my elaborate diamond glittering on my hand as I place it on Simon’s chest to steady myself.

Simon's mood seemed to light up a bit as he saw me approaching. Once I was close enough he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me onto his lap, peppering my neck and cheeks with affectionate mask covered kisses.“You’re an ass, Johnny,” Simon chuckled. “Now if you’ll excuse us, we have some business to attend to,” he grinned cheekily, earning a laugh from Gaz, but a groan from Johnny.

The guys said goodbye leaving Simon and I sitting on the couch.. “Did you have a fun night with the boys?” I ask Simon looking around at the disheveled state of my living room. A smile tugged at the corners of Simon's covered mouth as he looked around the living room, his eyes wandering to the empty beer bottles, controllers, and other debris.

“It was enjoyable, albeit rowdy,” he chuckled, reaching forward to intertwine his fingers with my own. “But now I have you all to myself,” he added with a hint of possessiveness, his masked lips finding their way to the crook of my neck. “You sir are forever the charmer” I let out breathlessly. "You're my favorite target for a reason," he cooed, his voice low and husky. His calloused hands brushed along the bare skin of my waist, his touch sending shivers down my spine.

“I don’t think the living room will look as good as it should,” he mused, his gaze flickering over to the disarray surrounding us. Still, his focus quickly returned to me, the warmth of his breath dancing against my skin.“I will clean up whatever mess you boys have made, but I’ll do that in the morning… I want to entertain whatever you’re concocting up in that handsome head of yours.”

An eyebrow arched beneath his mask at my reply, a smirk slowly spreading across his mouth. “Whatever I want, huh?” he purred in response, his fingers dancing along my body in a tantalizing dance. Slowly, ever so slowly, his hand found its way to my chin, gently lifting it to meet his eyes.“Be careful what you wish for, love."

I smirk, “I know you’ll take care of me… I trust every single thought you come up with, no matter how incredibly dirty they can be” I kiss in between his eyebrows, where the smallest bit of skin he has showing from under his balaclava.

"Oh, and I don't think you can handle the filth in my mind,” he whispered, his breath sending chills down my spine. The desire in his eyes intensified, as his hands began to wander over my body, slowly yet firmly pulling me even closer, his touch igniting a fire within me.

“You're in for a world of trouble,” he murmured huskily as he lifted his mask just above his nose, his parted lips grazing my skin. “That’s my favorite world when I’m with you” I lean in and grabbing his chin to hold his face in place while I tenderly kiss his lips.

He reciprocated my kiss with a passion that could set fire to the living room, his fingers digging into my sides with a fervor that told me he had been holding back his desires. There was an edge to his touch, a feral hunger in the way his mouth moved against mine, his tongue eagerly exploring the newfound space. “You’re going to be the death of me,” he murmured against my lips, his voice thick with need.

“Mmmm is that so… I thought I was your angel” I coo and kiss him again. A brief laugh escaped from him, a sound that was both amused and aroused by my response. His teeth found their way to my neck, nipping and licking my skin with a need that made my spine tingle.

“My angel… my temptress,” he whispered between bites before sucking a small mark into my flesh, his fingers gripping my hips tightly. “My savior…. My sinner” I coo, tangling my fingers in his hair at the nape of his neck. His grip on my hips tightened, his fingers sure to leave imprints of his desire, his touch turning almost possessive. He trailed a line of kisses along my jawline until he reached my ear, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin at the base of my earlobe.

“Your demon,” he murmured hotly, his voice low and heavy with need. His stubble brushed against my skin, the sensation sending sparks racing down my spine. “my demon” I purr softly into his ear. His fingers dug into my flesh even harder, his breathing growing more ragged as his hunger intensified. I could feel the heat radiating off him as his mouth found its way to mine, his kiss needy and demanding.

He lifted me with ease, his arm circling around my frame to pull me flush against him. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me to the bedroom. His hands were everywhere, his touch leaving a trail of fire in its wake. “You know… demon….. I love seeing you hang out with your friends… makes me want you more than I already do” I kiss his chin.

His hands gripped my thighs tightly, a wicked smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Is that so?" he murmured, his voice laced with a dangerous edge. He walked us over to the bed, and with a swift move, he tossed me down onto the sheets, the impact making me bounce as I landed. He leaned over me, his arms caging me in, his body shadowing mine as he held himself above me, his eyes dark with intention. "Are you telling me I should hang out with them more often?"

“Only if I can cook the dinners��” I smirk. I know he loves when I cook him food and especially for his friends. He flashed a roguish grin, clearly amused by the suggestion. "Your cooking does sound tempting," he murmured, his fingers grazing over my stomach. He leaned down, his mouth hovering over the sensitive skin of my neck, his breath sending shivers down my spine.

"Perhaps I could invite them over for more evenings, under the condition that you cook for us all." He took a moment to playfully nibble on my skin, his teeth grazing lightly. “As long as when you eat you save room for me as your desert”

A low chuckle rumbled through him, the sound of it thick with desire. "Ah, so I'm only good for a nighttime snack, eh?" he murmured against my skin, his voice holding a hint of teasing. His mask was bunched up around his mouth now, offering a tantalizing glimpse of his parted lips and the heat in his eyes. “Mmmmmm… all the time….” I correct him.

His teeth found my earlobe, nipping at it softly before releasing it with a flick of his tongue. The heat in his eyes flared, his gaze roaming hungrily over my body. “And I must say you are a tasty delicacy that I can never get enough of,” he murmured hotly in my ear, his breath hot against my skin. His hands were everywhere, touching and exploring, as he claimed my mouth in a searing kiss.

My fingers found their way back to his shaggy hair on the nape of his neck.. “Sii… baby…” I whimper. His fingers traced a path down my body, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. His mouth followed suit, planting tender kisses down my neck and chest. "You have no idea what you do to me," he murmured hotly against my skin, his voice thick with need. Slowly, but surely, he continued showering me with kisses lower and lower. “Is.. that.. so..?” I ask breathlessly as he continues to trail kisses down to my belly.

As he reached my exposed belly, he let out a low groan, his hands finding purchase on my hips to keep me steady. His lips peppered along my abdomen, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin. “You drive me insane,” he murmured between kisses, his voice rough with hunger. “Can’t get enough of you.” Slowly, he kissed his way lower toward where I needed him most. “Then take all you want my love” I hold onto his hair as if my life depended on it. His fingers slipped past the waistband of my pants, tugging them lower until he could push them all the way down. He paused for a brief moment, his breathing ragged as he took in my disheveled form.

“Just be careful what you wish for,” he warned huskily before he buried his face in my most sensitive area, his mouth worshipping my body. I couldn’t form coherent words, I’d be lying if I said I responded to Simon in anything but moans and whimpers. He took his time with me, lavishing me with his mouth, his tongue flicking and swirling as he brought me closer and closer. He was relentless in his fervor, spurred onward by each moan and gasp. He knew his way around my body so well, every spot he touched set my skin ablaze.

“Simon….Jesus……I’m……gonna….ohhhhhhh” I cry out. He chuckled against me, his fingers digging into my thighs as I shattered beneath his touch. The heat of his breath sent shivers down my spine as he drew his head back, his eyes dark and sparkling with desire. “Did you really think I’d let you off that easy?” he murmured lustfully, his tongue flicking out again to sample me. “I…kno-know…you… w-won’t” I shudder as my body shakes a little with the after effects he’s having on me.

He watched me with a self-satisfied smirk, clearly enjoying the way my body responded to him. He didn’t wait for me to recover, his fingers tracing patterns along my thighs and stomach. “Such a perfect little thing you are,” he crooned, his voice filled with a possessiveness that only fueled my desire even more. “I’m going to take care of you, darling.”

“Mmmmm” I purr happily as he’s reduced me to a mush. “Sii… you’re soo good at that… I will never get tired of your tongue” I add to my purrs as he comes back up to eye level… I kiss him, my tongue lingering and dancing with his.

His hands tangled in my hair, holding my head steady as he reciprocated my kisses with his own heated fervor. "And you taste sinful," he murmured hotly against my lips, his voice thick with need. "I can never get enough of your taste, darling." His hands roamed over my body, claiming me all over again. “I guess it’s a good thing we are getting married then… isn’t it?” I ask peppering his cheeks with kisses. He let out a low chuckle, his heart swelling with love under my affection. His hand found its way to my chin, tilting my head back so my eyes met his swirling ones.

“A very good thing,” he murmured affectionately, his thumb brushing over my lips. “I wouldn’t want to risk letting you find someone who doesn’t kiss that sinful taste off your lips." His fingers traced a path down my body, his touch lingering on my skin. “My perfect demon… taking all his angel’s sin…. Mmmmmmm…” I murmur before pulling his lips back onto mine for slow, deep kisses. He pulled me against him, his body molding to mine flawlessly, as he parted my lips with his tongue.

His fingers still tangled in my hair, holding my head steady as he kissed me deeply, his tongue seeking its way into my mouth. There was a need in his touch, a passion that made my body shiver with desire. I willingly let him devour me from within, submitting fully to his sinful ministrations.

His lips are gentle against mine, but there’s an urgency behind them. I gently remove the rest of his balaclava from his face… “I wanted better access to your hair” I giggle against his lips as he grumbles a “what was that for” in protest. He allowed me to remove his mask, his expression softening when he noticed my desire for access to his hair.

"It's only fair that I get equal access to your hair too," he murmured affectionately, his hands finding their way to my hair. He gently grasped a handful of the red strands, his fingers teasing the locks playfully. "Besides... I need to make sure it's always in perfect condition for me to play with." He flashed a roguish grin, his eyes glinting mischievously. “That’s why I keep my hair long for you my love” I scrunch my nose. A low chuckle rumbled through him as he leaned in to nuzzle his nose against my own. He gently kissed the tip of my nose, his fingers tugging lightly on my hair. “And you know I love how playful the red locks can look when you have them down. It’s like a visual representation of your fiery spirit,” he murmured affectionately, his eyes tracing over my features. “You’re perfect for me, in every way.”

“And you’re perfect for me in every way Simon” I reassure him and I lean to kiss his cheek. His eyes fluttered shut at the feel of my lips pressing against his cheek, a content sigh escaping his lips. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer as he nuzzled his face in the crook of my neck. “I’m a lucky man,” he murmured affectionately, his breath ghosting over my skin. “My beautiful angel...all mine.”

“And I’m a very lucky woman… my handsome devil” I coo. His teeth latched onto my shoulder, biting gently before releasing the flesh from his grip. He trailed kisses up to my earlobe, his warm breath sending shivers down my spine.

”My delicious little sinner,” he whispered in my ear, his voice low and sensual. His hands glided down my body, claiming me as his own. ”The most perfect being in the entire world."

“Mmmmmm” I melt at his touch, malleable for him to bend at his will. He continued to shower me with kisses and bites, leaving his mark on my skin as if to prove I was all his. When he leaned away to look at me, his eyes were filled with a desire that was almost sinful. “Such a beautiful sight,” he whispered hotly, his eyes roving over my body with a possessive hunger. His touch continued to play over my skin, his fingers dancing over my flesh, stirring my desire. I smirk at his compliment… reaching my hand up to caress his stubble covered cheek. “I love your stubble darling..” I giggle gently. He let out a chuckle, turning his face into my hand. He nuzzled his nose against my palm, his stubble rubbing against my skin.

“And I love how it makes you writhe when I nuzzle my face against your sensitive spots,” he teased, his voice low and seductive. He caught my wrist, gently pinning it down as he nibbled on the skin. “Me too…” I purr looking up at him through my eyelashes. His eyes never left mine, a wicked gleam in them as he slowly, but surely, crawled over me. He pinned me onto the bed, his body hovering over mine, a smirk tugging at his lips. "And I love how my stubble makes you gasp as I trail my mouth down your body."

“Mmmm” my eyes close at the thought… this man is a dream come true, insatiably obsessed with me… He dipped his head low, his mouth finding my sensitive skin as he left a trail of kisses along my neck. His teeth found purchase on the hollow of my collarbone, nibbling and suckling on the skin as he continued his path down my body.

"And how you shudder and shake when you feel my stubble tickling along your skin." His voice was a low, sultry rasp as he continued to mark a trail down my exposed flesh.“You….. Simon…… my darliing…..” I whimper with my hands holding his hair. A low, possessive growl escaped his lips when my fingers tangled in his hair. His tongue flicked over the sensitive marks he left in his wake, his fingers tracing circles over my inner thighs. “And how you arch your back and call my name in that sweet, sultry voice…” he murmured hotly in my ear, nipping at my earlobe. “Like this?” I ask innocently as I arch my back, pushing my chest and torso into his chest as he hovered his body over mine. And I lowered my gaze to his chest then I looked back into his eyes, “*Siiiiimooooonnn” I whimper out in a sweet and smooth voice.

He let out another low groan, a possessive hunger shining in his eyes as my body pressed into his. His hands found their way to my thighs, holding onto them with a grip that would surely leave behind marks of their own. "That's it, darling….I will never get tired of hearing you say my name like that." he growled lowly against my skin as he nipped at the sensitive flesh beneath my chin.

“I’ll never…. Get tired…. Of saying your……. Name” I say through bated breath. He claimed my mouth, his tongue slipping past my parted lips as he deepened the kiss into something more possessive. His mouth trailed down to my neck, his stubble rubbing against my sensitive flesh. "My perfect, sinful, seductive little angel…" he whispered heatedly against my skin, his teeth nipping gently at my collarbone.

I smile as he returns his lips to mine for a brief moment. “My sweetheart, protector, possessive demon and my doting lover” I whisper back to him. His eyes locked with mine, filled with a burning passion that set my skin aflame. He leaned down, his mouth hovering over my ear as he whispered, his voice thick with need and love mixed. “You have no idea how much I want you right now…” he murmured hotly, his warm breath sending shivers down my spine. His stubble tickled the skin by my ear as he moved to press kisses along my jawline.

“I have a sort of an idea of how much you want me” I whisper and I reach down to his waist. He let out a sharp gasp as soon as my fingers found his waist. His grip around my thighs tightened for a brief moment, his body tensing at my touch. A hungry rumble escaped his lips, his hands grasping my hips firmly, his fingers digging into the skin as he held me in place.

“Careful what you wish for, darling…” he chuckled lowly in my ear as he nibbled on my earlobe. I unbutton his pants, leaving the zipper up. “I’m wishing for it….. make my wish come true?” I coo.

A low groan escaped him as my hands began unbuttoning his pants, his body quivering with anticipation. His thumb traced circles over my skin as he leaned down, his mouth finding my neck, his teeth grazing over my pulse.“Oh, darling…You’re making it extremely hard for me to hold back,” he said with a low, warning growl.“I don’t want you to hold back Sii.. I want you to ravish me” I say with a voice mixed with pleasure and pleading.

His breathing was ragged, his eyes darkened with a passion that was bordering on feral. A low, possessive growl escaped him as he pressed his body down into mine, pinning me underneath him.

"You don’t have to ask me twice," he murmured hotly in my ear, his teeth tugging on my earlobe. His mouth claimed mine in a heated, possessive kiss.

#simon riley smut #simon ghost riley #call of duty #ghost cod

58 notes · View notes

nightxcreature · 3 days ago

Text

Summary: Reader relaxes while Dean is away.

Warnings: Panic attack, Death, Grief, Angst

Pairing: DeanxReader, SamxReader (platonic)

A/N: I’m so sorry. 😬 I love you.

Written quickly, edited poorly. You don’t have permission to copy my work, so don’t. 18+ only.

Yellow light cascaded across the room from the lamp beside me leaving a faint film across the pages of the book in my hands. I’d had the bunker to myself this weekend while Sam and Dean went on a quick hunt not too far from home, and I was taking full advantage of the silence. Miracle was curled up at my feet mouthing a squeaky bear and enjoying our lazy day. After the busy few weeks we’ve had, a little reprieve with man’s best friend in the library was much needed as the next several weeks would be even busier. Dean had planned a roadtrip to celebrate this hunt, our bags packed and ready to go by our bedroom door. Excitement and exhaustion were imminent and I knew this moment of peace would be required to make it through whatever plans my lover had made.

I smiled softly at the thought of Dean and the life we would have after this. He’d never been one for marriage or kids or the Apple-pie life, but the moment Chuck was gone I knew something had changed for him.

—————————————————————————

The door to our shared bedroom was open as I worked making the stomp of Deans heavy boots reach my ears before he reached the doorway.

“Hey,” He calls as he steps inside, placing a kiss to my temple and dropping a few papers onto the desk in front of me.

“What’s this?” I’d asked, smirking up at him as I lifted the packet to my eyes. The question hung in the air for a moment as I read over the papers before me, “An application for the fire department, and…” My head jerks back slightly in surprise as I read over the next page, “You wanna buy a house? Like white picket fence-barefoot and pregnant-with a dog-buy a house?”

“Uh, It doesn’t have to be, if you don’t want it to. I just-you know, I’ve always wanted to be a firefighter, and, I’ll need a job. Plus, we can’t always live here so I- uh, I just thought maybe you’d like to move in with me. Like…our own place.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke, an adorable sheepish smile on his face, “We can talk about the barefoot and pregnant part later.”

My eyes widened a bit as I took in his response. Leaning back in the chair I placed my pen against my lips and grinned, “So, a house and my own personal Magic Mike?”

He’d rolled his eyes, a smirk pulling at the edge of his lips as he nodded, “Yeah, but only if you want.”

I’d dropped the pen in my hand quickly and jumped up to kiss his lips. His hands immediately finding my waist and pulling me closer, our hips slamming against one another as he dug his fingers into my skin. My hands were covering his blush-stained cheeks, pulling his face into mine harshly. When we broke apart grinning, he’d chuckled softly. “So, is that a yes?” He’d asked, breathlessly.

“Absolutely.” I mumbled, placing my lips over his again and quickly finding myself underneath him.

——————————————————————————

My train of thought is abruptly broken by the steel door slamming open at the top of the stairs and Miracle whining at my feet. I duck my head to see which brother comes down first when Sam stops short of the last step. I close my book as I watch him there, his hands in his pockets and his head bowed low.

“Hey, Sammy. You okay?” I ask as I stand, worry building in my veins. He doesn’t speak as I reach him, doesn’t raise his head or acknowledge me in anyway until I place a hand on his arm, “Sam, look at me.”

Slowly he raises his head, tears falling down his red and swollen face, “I’m so sorry.” He whispers out, “I’m so, so sorry.” He collapsed into my arms, heavy sobs leaving his body. I wrap my arms tightly around him, pulling him to stand as best I can before wracking my brain for whatever could cause him to go into such a….

Suddenly the world goes deathly still, only the sound of my heartbeat and Sam’s broken sobs reach my ears. My chest is heaving and the world is spinning and I can’t seem to form a coherent thought when I raise my trembling hands to push him off of me. Pointing a single shaking finger in his direction.

“No.” I whisper quietly, “Sam, no.”

“I’m so sorry.” He mutters again, devastation covering his face, “I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that.” I snap, “Stop it!”

My feet are moving before I register that I’m halfway up the stairs, the steel door the only barrier between me and what lies ahead. I sling it open, half expecting to see Dean standing there with a shit-eating grin on his face and saying “Gotcha!”, but I’m met with nothing. I push my way through the bunker, Sam following quickly behind me, practically begging me to turn around, but I can’t stop my feet. I can’t stop the need to see him.

I fling open the garage door and am met with the sight of Baby parked in her usual spot. I stop short of the drivers door, already able to see the white cloth covering the backseat.

“Is that…” I choke out.

“Yeah.”

Neither of us speak for a moment, the silence deafening between us. I take several slow steps closer, my mind and heart at war as I reach up to open the back door. I place my hand on his head, taking a deep breath as I push the sheet down to see his face. A sob racks through me and I drop to my knees, cradling his head in my hands. His eyes are closed, his face a picture of peace that I’d never seen before. I would believe he’s sleeping if I didn’t know any better. The dark freckles that scattered his face are pale, his lips ashen, all signs of the life my love lived have long since left. I stroke my thumb across his cold cheek and place my lips to his forehead as I cry.

“You ass.” I whisper against his skin, “We had plans. What am I supposed to do now?”

The tears falling from my eyes find themselves on his own face, covering his cheeks as if, even in death, he’s crying with me; Mourning the life we could’ve had…The life we should’ve had.

“This isn’t supposed to happen now.” I mumble, shaking his limp shoulders, “Chucks dead! You’re supposed to be happy. We’re supposed to be happy, Dean! Wake up! Please, Wake up! This isn’t real. This isn’t real!”

My eyes suddenly snap open, the light from our bedside lamp igniting the green orbs in front of me. Dean’s face full of worry as his arms wrap protectively around me.

“Hey, hey. It isn’t real. Shh. It isn’t real, Baby.” He whispers, rocking me back and forth as I cry against his chest, “I’m right here. You’re safe, you’re fine.”

Hot tears coat my cheeks and I lift my head to see they’ve stained his shirt, “I’m-I’m sorry. I just-I can’t-I”

He reaches over and grabs one of my hands, placing it over his heart as he cups my face with his other, “Focus on my heart. I’m right here, you’re safe. This is real.”

I focus solely on his heart beating beneath my fingers, the panic subsiding but the tears coming quicker than ever, “I thought you were dead.” I whisper, “I dreamed it and it-it seemed so real.”

He wraps his big arms around my torso and pulls me into his lap as he leans against the headboard, “Not dead, yet. I couldn’t leave you like that, I promised you Magic Mike and a couple babies, didn’t I?” He teases, placing sweet kisses across my face as my breathing slows, “Can’t get rid of me until I hold up my end of the bargain.”

I smile and place my head in the crook of his neck as I tuck into his side, “I know. It just felt so real.”

He shakes his head slowly and pulls the blankets up our bodies to rid us of the bunkers chill, “I ain’t leaving ya anytime soon.” He whispers, kissing the top of my head and sliding down so we’re laying on the mattress again, my head on his chest and his hand in my hair, “Well, after I take care of that Vamp nest with Sammy tomorrow.”

——————————————————————————

Taglist: @lmhf1 @whimsyfinny @k-slla @enigmalynne @envysarchive

@daisydark @foxyjwls007 @roseblue373 @manicjk @aylacavebear

@suckitands33 @oceean @mxtansy @justwhisperingfantasies @mgchaser

#spn 15x20 #spn fanfic #supernatural #dean winchester #spnfandom #sam winchester #dean winchester x reader #jensen ackles #dean winchester x you #jensen fucking ackles #sam and dean

62 notes · View notes

myusuchaa · 2 days ago

Text

with you in a distorted fairy tale ༻¨*:·.

'dark if ' chapter 1 - elbert greetia

This is a fan translation and may not be 100% accurate. I do not own anything. Cybird reserves the right of ownership for all in-game content.

author's note: Throughout this story, Kate refers to Elbert with feminine pronouns 彼女, and Elbert's title is the Queen 女王. Therefore, in sentences where Elbert is the main subject, sometimes you will see Elbert's pronouns listed as she/her. (i.e, "Elbert removed her hands"). This may be a bit confusing to read through, but I wanted to keep the translation as accurate and close to the original material as possible.

Victor: Miss Kate, your hands have the power to create the ultimate happy ending.

Victor: Now, come, and enjoy your time in this distorted fairy tale world.

Somebody's fingertips lightly grazed the back of my neck.

Kate: ..mnnn

I squirm from ticklish stimulation as someone whispers into my ear.

???: --Ah...It's definitely- ....-not

(What... what is this..)

Before I could make sense of those whispered words, I groggily began to wake up.

When I awakened fully, I found myself in a soft bed.

(Where am I..?)

Blonde, blue eyed beauty: Ah, you're awake.

A "woman" [1] with moonlight hair and sea-blue eyes peered into my face.

[1] When Kate awakens, she perceives Elbert as a woman. The pronoun is placed in quotations to indicate that he is not really a woman, just seems like one thanks to Al's ability.

(Wah... I've never seen such a beautiful person before..)

Kate: Could.. could this be heaven?

Man with raven colored hair: Unfortunately no, this is your reality.

The man standing next to the beautiful woman replied with a chuckle.

The dark-haired man is just as bewitching.. charming, even, to look at, making the two before me a truly eye-catching duo.

Man with raven colored hair: You've just woken up, is there anything you feel is wrong with your body?

Man with raven colored hair: You were found collapsed in the forest by a hunter who brought you here.

Kate: Oh, I see.... my body feels fine! Thank you very much for saving me.

I got up from the bed and bowed to both of them.

Kate: In any case.... exactly where am I?

Blonde, blue eyed beauty: ....this is my castle.

Queen Elbert: I run this this country..... as the "Queen of Greed" - Elbert.

Mirror Alfons: I am Alfons the Mirror, the Queen's servant. I hope we will continue to get to know each other [2].

[2] In Japanese, Alfons uses ｢以後お見知りおきを｣ which is similar to saying "I hope you will remember me in the future." Here, it is meant to be a surface level greeting for someone you know you'll see again, though more commonly you'd say 「よろしくお願いします」 or "It's nice to meet you". But I think the meaning behind the first phrase really plays into Al's curse and fated end.

(The Hunter, the Greedy Queen, and the Mirror...)

(Then this must be... the fairy tale world of "Snow White"?)

If this is the case, then the other remaining important characters are the Prince and Snow White.

(I wonder of one of these people are what's missing in this story.)

Queen Elbert: As you've just woken up...... are you hungry, Snow White?

Queen Elbert: I was thinking of preparing a meal for you.

Kate: Sn-... Snow White? That's.... me?

Mirror Alfons: The Hunter gave you that name.

Mirror Alfons: A beautiful girl laying in pure, white snow-- Snow White.

Mirror Alfons: And so, you were taken in by the Queen, who is looking for the most beautiful thing in the world.

Mirror Alfons: Thus, I had you brought to the castle-- such is your story.

(I'm Snow White in this world...)

(...then, wouldn't it be dangerous for me to be near Queen Elbert?)

In the traditional story, the Queen is jealous of Snow White's beauty, and attempts to poison her.

There hasn't been any hostility toward me here yet, but..... it's definitely better safe than sorry.

Kate: Aaaaah, well! Thank you for your help, then.

Kate: However, I don't think I need a meal right now. Well, if you'll excuse me.......

Realizing the situation I was in, I quickly tried to get out of the bed.

--However, at that moment, Elbert grabbed my hand.

Queen Elbert: Where are you going?

Kate: ...Ah uhmm.. I'm going back home to my family.

Mirror Alfons: Oh? Dear, do not lie to us.

Mirror Alfons: While you were asleep, we confirmed that you are not a resident of this country.

Mirror Alfons: Coming here alone, a foreigner from abroad.... what home do you have to go back to?

(What should I do... I can't escape this...)

(No one would believe that I actually came from another world...)

Queen Elbert: ......Snow White.

Kate: Y- yes!

Queen Elbert: .....I personally do not care who you are, or where you came from.

Kate: Eh...?

Queen Elbert: As Queen, I should punish you for coming here on unlawful terms, but...

Queen Elbert: More importantly, I want to obtain the most beautiful thing in the world.

Queen Elbert: And you might be what I've been looking for..... so please, stay in this castle for a while.

Kate: Ah, that....

Queen Elbert: Of course, we will provide food, clothing, and shelter for you.

Queen Elbert: And if you require money, I'll give it to you, whatever sum you ask for.

Queen Elbert: For my own sake...... please, stay in this castle.

As Elbert wished this, her eyes looked extremely lonely, almost desperate.

There was no way I could brush her off and refuse her offer.

Kate: If you say it that way.... then okay, I understand. I'm not sure what I'll be able to do but...

Kate: Oh, and I don't intend to ask for money. I'd be grateful just to have food, clothing, and shelter.

(If you think about it.... it's easier to find the missing part of the story if I'm near the main character.)

Queen Elbert: Thank you, Snow White.

As Elbert expressed her gratitude with a gracious expression, she did not look like the type of cruel person who would poison Snow White.

--time skip--

We were shown to a dining room where a wide variety of dishes were lined up on the table.

Queen Elbert: I didn't know what you liked, so I let the chef make whatever he could think of.

Queen Elbert: ........Please, eat as much as you want of whatever you'd like.

Kate: Oh... thank you very much.

The freshly cooked food was steaming, and the delicious aroma wafting through the air stimulated my appetite.

(....But, if I were Snow White, I'd have to be careful about what I eat.)

(Apples, in particular, should be avoided.)

Although I still don't sense any hostility from Elbert, due to the background story of this world, I couldn't help but be wary.

Kate: Um... are there any dishes that contain apples..?

Queen Elbert: ...........Why do you ask?

The moment I asked, the air around Elbert became tense, and her blue eyes became cold.

Kate: Well... I can't eat apples because of my allergy to them. They make my mouth itchy....

Without even understanding the reason for her icy stare, I lied about the reason.

Queen Elbert: ...I see.

Queen Elbert: If that's the case, there's no need to worry. In this castle, we do not eat apples.

Kate: Is that so...

I was curious and wanted to ask why apples weren't used here, but I was too hesitant, and refrained from asking in the end.

Meanwhile, Queen Elbert picked up a piece of bread and tore it in two.

Queen Elbert: ...Which would you prefer, left or right?

Kate: Uhhhh.. right.

Elbert then took a bite out of the left bread, and handed the right to me.

Queen Elbert: ...Mm, it's delicious. Please go ahead and eat, too.

(Maybe he knew I was on guard this entire time and he's trying to tell me the food is safe this way.,?)

Kate: Thank you very much...

The bread slice I got from Elbert had a gentle sweetness and was delicious all around.

Queen Elbert: I also recommend trying this salad, which uses vegetables from a nearby village.

After seeing that I finished the bread, Elbert took her portion of the salad and started eating it.

Seeing that, I went ahead and ate my salad.

Elbert eats some, and then I eat some more.... this strange back and forth of meal tasting continued for some time...

Kate: Thank you for the meal! Everything was delicious!!

Queen Elbert: .............

Kate: Elbert?..

Queen Elbert: My stomach........hurts......

Kate: Wha!?

Mirror Alfons: I came to check on y- Elbert?

After coming to the dining hall, Alfons quickly donned a shocked expression and went to support Elbert by the shoulders.

Kate: Umm.... is Elbert okay?

Mirror Alfons: She simply ate too much... She is usually a small eater, so she pushed himself too hard.

(Could it be... she was forcing herself to eat a lot to put me at ease and help me eat as well...)

Seeing Elbert's kindness, I began to feel ashamed of myself for being scared of eating poisoned food under his watch.

Kate: Ah well.... I'll help out too!

I stood on the opposite side of Alfons to help support Elbert.

(..Oh?.. The Queen has a surprisingly sturdy build...)

(Wait! No, no!! Now's not the time to be thinking these things.... let me just help out with a pure mind..)

With the help of Alfons, we put Elbert to bed in her room.

Mirror Alfons: It's not an illness, so if she rests, she'll feel better soon.

Kate: Elbert... I'm sorry for making you eat too much..

Queen Elbert: I chose this myself.. so no need to apologize with such a sad look on your face.

Elbert's hand gently brushed across my face.

Queen Elbert: You're more adorable when you smile than when you're sad.

Queen Elbert: So please... do not worry about my health.

Kate: Mm! Then, thank you for the delicious meal!

Elbert took her hand off my cheek and gave me a soft smile.

She was supposed to be the Queen who poisoned Snow White, and yet her smile made my heart race.

Queen Elbert: By the way, I still have not gotten your name. Snow White.... what is your real name?

Kate: It's Kate.

Queen Elbert: I see... Then, Kate, it is lovely to meet you.

--time skip--

That night in my bed chamber, I decided to plan my course of action.

(The Queen has been friendly to me so far, so I'll have to get serious about finding the missing piece of the story starting tomorrow.)

(The only things that are from the story that I have not tracked down yet are the poisoned apple and the Prince.)

(However, searching for the poisoned apple is quite risky.... it may be better to search for the Prince first.)

On the second day in this world, I decided to cooperate with Queen Elbert.

Queen Elbert: A Prince.....?

Kate: Yes! I want to find the one and only Prince who will love me.

Kate: Please, Your Highness...will you help me?

Queen Elbert: ...........

Queen Elbert seemed to think very carefully about my request.

Queen Elbert: Why exactly do you want to find the Prince?

Queen Elbert: You said yesterday that you did not need money, and you simply brushed Al off when he tried to flirt with you.

Queen Elbert: If you are not swayed by money or the opposite sex, why would you want to seek out the Prince?..... I don't quite understand.

Kate: That's... erm.... finding him is necessary to make my wish come true.

(I am searching for what is missing in this world to correct the distortions, and then return to my reality.... That is what I should do...)

(The Queen seemed to be troubled by my statement........ I can try one last time to do something...)

Ah, that's it!

Kate: People become more beautiful when they are in love....

Kate: If a Prince whom I love and loves me appeared before me.... perhaps we can find the most beautiful thing you are searching for.

Queen Elbert: ...Really?

As soon as Elbert heard it was a beautiful thing, her eyes widened and she came over to me.

Her large hands gripped my shoulders so hard it hurt.

Kate: Y-yes.... that is... most likely so...

(They say falling in love makes people more beautiful-- that isn't wrong per se...y'know?)

Queen Elbert: If there's potential, then so be it. Thank you for trying to make my wish come true, Kate.

Queen Elbert: Let us gather all the people in this nation to search for a Prince... the one and only Prince who will make you beautiful.

Thus began the search for the Prince, led by Queen Elbert.

Chapter 2 -> coming soon

page dividers from @/adornedwithlight

#ikemen villains #ikemen series #cybird ikemen #ikevil #elbert greetia #ikemen villains elbert #ikevil elbert #yandere #fairy tale #fairycore #ikevil story event #snow white #alternate universe #ikevil alfons #alfons sylvatica #ikevil translations

41 notes · View notes

teaguehq · 1 day ago

Text

Of course, because what's getting kisses without giving them too?! And it's true, you do mean a lot to me, and difficult not to care about you a whole lot. The Salem trip was a lot of fun, the best part being the time with you, no doubt. Though I'm missing that and you right now, so I'm glad the weekend's almost here and I get to fly to you. I know we had a bit of time with your premiere, which I'm still so proud of you for, by the way, but it felt like no time at all! I'll always dress up with you any Halloween, I promise that! Plus you have to admit we looked pretty amazing in our costumes. Not surprised you have so many projects lined up with how talented you are, though I'm always grateful for the time we get together. It just means a lot that you're so understanding about distance and you get it since you're an actor too. And well, that now I can be excited whenever I land new roles and share that excitement with you and not worry otherwise! Your support always means the world to me, too. Thank you for always reminding me of those things too, since the last thing I'd want is to lose you. You're too important to me for that, you know? Also glad we'll always work out our schedules somehow. I'm still thrilled you don't complain about my clinginess when I know I can be quite a bit clingy! I can't help myself when it comes to you, though. And if it means being in your arms a lot, I'd never complain about that in the least. I love planning dates for you, in case that wasn't obvious, and I always love the dates you plan too, Joseph. They're so well thought out, and it means a lot to me. The hike and the hot springs was easily my favorite part of it, and I think we should do that again before filming ends here, don't you think? I absolutely still daydream about the hot springs and everything we got up to, and well, since I'm visiting this weekend, we could always recreate those in the tub, don't you think? I'll admit it was exciting thinking maybe someone would come hiking past us, though I liked that it was just the two of us. The smartest move you've ever made, being my boyfriend? Don't mind me blushing about that. I can say the same though, that being your boyfriend is easily one of the best decisions I've made too. I play so much worse when you're distracting me, but again, not a complaint in the least. How are the knitting projects coming along?! Because you're right, it's been chilly here in Canada and those could always come in handy. It never has to be very long for me to miss you, for what it's worth, since I do so much of the time. And you can cuddle with me as much as you'd like when I get there, promise. I won't tell Bach you said my cuddles were better! I'm so glad we got to spend time with Jamie and Anya too, and their haunted adventures are always so exciting! I'm so happy you think they like me too, since I do like them. We'll have to tell him we'd love to see some of the Catacombs then! I'll just make sure to kiss you and hold your hand all the way through. Double dates with our friends make me happy too, so I'm always for those! I'm still laughing thinking about us visiting that pub as well, especially when it flooded and you had to carry me! My hero for making sure I didn't get wet, though. We'll definitely have to make more memories there, without a doubt. I'll never get enough of hearing you tell me I'm sexy, that's just a fact, or get enough of you, either. That's what we'll do this weekend then, sleep in a little and kiss in bed as much as we'd like. Which just means you can silence me with kisses as much as you'd like, too.

Your place in New York is honestly so amazing, and I'm looking forward to when we can be in the city more to spend time in both our places, since I feel like I haven't even properly broken in my apartment, either. Of course I'd be happy to come to London with you when you're missing it, since I love that city too! We'll save the rooftop bar for when it gets warm, and good thing there's plenty to do in the cold months in New York. Like there are so many places that play live music, and I'd love to take you to all of those! It makes me smile that you'd always be willing to fly to where I am too, and needless to say, that's mutual. I'd love to visit more pumpkin patches, given how much fun we had with the ones we've visited! I'm all for another cooking class too, and it's a lot of fun learning new recipes together. We can't know too many of those, right? I'm really excited for taking you to Florida sometime and showing you where I grew up, not to mention meeting Bentley too! He's always so excited every time he sees me, he might be missing me a little. I usually try and do any work they need done at the sanctuary too, which I hope you wouldn't mind helping out! Last time I was there, I helped build a fence, which was really cool. Between that and camping, we'll do it all! I'm already excited for a romantic vacation once we're finished filming, and I'm almost tempted to say it should be somewhere with hot springs since we liked that so much! And you're definitely the best view for being so handsome, there's no doubt about that, and especially when you're blushing. Sussex was such a good time, maybe our vacation should involve that again too?! What do you think? You showed me plenty both in the hot springs and in Salem too, both of which I enjoyed quite a lot. I wish you could wake me up that way every morning, is what I think, since it's far better than any alarm clock. I'd love more of those showers this weekend too, since showering with you is easily one of my favorite things. I'm glad the wanting's mutual too, because there isn't a time I wouldn't want you, love. You can already see a future with me? Don't mind me blushing and hiding my face, and that honestly makes me so happy, especially when I can see a future with you too. I can understand it being scary to say out loud since there's a lot of vulnerability to that, but I understand, and trust me when I say you're not alone in that thought, not in the least. Well, you're a beautiful person, and getting to know you better just always reaffirms that. I'm picturing you pouting in your trailer because I wasn't there, and I just want to kiss you for it. And I always love being on set with you and seeing you work, especially when you're all dressed up like a superhero! I don't think the director is ever going to let me live down that I just abandoned a scene to say hello to you, either! He still asks if you're visiting today and if he should be ready to stop mid-scene. He's hilarious about it though, so at least it's become a funny inside joke! I'm just glad I repaid the favor of you flying out there once we were alone, no question about that since I wanted to. I can't wait until we can break in both of our apartments then! And we can visit the rooftop of mine even if it's chilly, we just won't stay up there for longer than briefly taking in the view, maybe having some hot chocolate. The picnic in Salem was so fun, and honestly, I think picnics with you are my new favorite thing. I'm excited for when I can cook for you more, knowing how special it is to you. Your love language being physical touch was obvious, but I enjoy every second of it, honestly. I'm really glad the weekend's practically here and I'll be on my way to you. I don't know if it's because filming's been going on a while or the material is pretty dark or a combination of both, but I'm just starting to feel a little worn down. So being in Spain with you for a few days is just what I need. | @josephafq

i'm glad that you'll always be happy for getting so many of my kisses -- and you know that i'm very happy to get all those kisses of yours in return! it really makes me smile hearing you say that i mean a lot to you and that you care so much about me, you know? i agree that the weeks leading up to us being together do feel rather long, but i'm really glad we had all the time we did together thanks to the salem trip. and thank you again for dressing up with me, love, this was the best halloween to me. yeah? i feel the same way, and honestly, i know i've got a lot of projects lined up, but whenever i'm not filming and i get more time with you, you know i'll be happy. i'm always going to be understanding when it comes to you, especially when you're worried about something, you know? and i really do understand why you have these hang-ups over a relationship ending because of distance, but i'll admit that it makes me feel a little sad that you felt hesitant to tell me you had a new gig of feel happy about it. because you know i'm always going to support you, yeah? i want to celebrate those new gigs with you, because i'm so proud of you. but i can understand it'll take some time to ease, and i'll just have to make sure you always know that i'm here, i'm not going anywhere, and there's no way that you'll lose me. we'll always make things work when we're apart, love, there's no doubt about that. it's safe to say that i love your clinginess, if that hasn't been obvious by now. plus, i'm pretty happy that you feel better that i'm clingy too, and i love having you in my arms a whole lot. the dates you plan are amazing, and it makes me happy that you like the dates i plan too. oh, i'm still smiling about that date because it was pretty amazing, especially the hike to the hot springs! i got to ask, are you still daydreaming about being in there with me and what we got up to? because i am and wish you were here right now getting up to those things with me again. i'm glad they were mostly private too -- though it did add a little bit of excitement to us playing around and possibly getting caught, right? i love being your boyfriend, baby, there's no doubt about that, and i'll say it was the smartest move i've ever made. what can i say? it's so much fun distracting you, but i love it when you're still able to play some music even with me being distracting. you'll be having some of my knitting projects soon, love, which is perfect because it'll be winter time before we know it! i know it's only been a few days, but i really am missing you right now. i'm glad that i have bach for cuddles, but i'd much rather be getting to cuddle with you. i'm glad that we got to spend more time with jamie and anya while we were in salem, it was neat going on a double date with them that also was a haunted adventure! plus, i think they really like you, and you have no idea how happy that makes me. oh, if i told jamie we wanted to visit catacombs, he'd jump at the chance to take us there, no doubt about that. look at you being my hero though, i love it, and i'll love all the kisses and handholding, of course. i'm glad you're all for more double dates, it makes me happy that we've got so many friends we can have double dates with! it's safe to say that if we go back to that pub, i'll be carrying you again i hope you know, can't have you getting wet and all! plus, it'll be fun to make more memories there together, yeah? i'm just being honest, love, you're so very sexy and i'm always going to tell you that -- just like i'm never going to get enough of you either. i miss waking up to you during the week too, and we were spoiled in salem, and i'm already missing it so much again. but i'm glad when i'm able to be with you and i can get all those kisses and get to stay in bed for a while, i love that. yeah? cue me silencing you with kisses all the time then!

i'm glad that you love my new york place already, love, since i really do love the thought of you staying there with me while we're in the city -- i love that i get to share it with you! and i'm so glad that i'll be living so close to you as well, and that we both plan on being in the city when we're not working. though when i'm missing london and we're not working, you'll come back with me, yeah? i'm a little sad it's getting colder in the city as well, because i would have loved to gone back to your favorite rooftop bar one more time! but we'll find something else fun to do next time we're in new york. it's safe to say that i love all the dates that you plan, love, and you know i'll always be happy to fly to wherever you are, no matter where i'm at. i was just thinking that, next year we'll have to visit more pumpkin patches together. what do you think? i'm all for going to another cooking class with you as well, because we really did have a good time -- and i loved that what we made turned out so well, and i know learning to make more things with you will be a lot of fun. i'm really looking forward to going to florida with you, love, i know camping will be fun, but i know i'll love the sanctuary too! plus, i think it's so sweet that bentley might be missing you, and of course i want to meet him too. i'm glad that you like the idea of us having a romantic holiday when we're finished filming, love. and i'm thinking we should brainstorm because i want us to pick a place that we'll both really enjoy. you keep making me blush by saying i'm the best view and calling me so handsome, but i'm always going to think you're the most handsome. i'm really glad that sussex is one of your favorite places to visit now and glad that we made the memories that we did. plus, i love that you'll enjoy having the same room and access to the beach, not to mention that tub. i had a feeling you really liked that tub. oh, i was very much showing you some of those things in the hot springs that weekend -- and i liked to believe i showed you some of those things while we were in salem too. i think i need to start waking you up in the way i woke you up a few times while we were in salem more often. what do you think?

happy to hear that you love taking showers with me, love, and of course i'm pleased you can't resist me whenever i press you against the shower wall, because i love that you can't resist me since i can't resist you. it's just the truth, baby, i'm always going to want you, no matter what and all the damn time. i'm very grateful we've met and we're in each other's lives this way as well, i'm happy you're my boyfriend, and honestly, that i can already see a future with you, you know? which is a little scary to admit out loud, but it's the truth. i'm glad i can have you as much as i'd like, though, love. you're making me blush calling me beautiful, and saying the more you know me the more you feel that way. we really do get each other, and it makes me so happy. i love that you know you can be open with me, just like i love that i can be open with you. can i just say i came into my trailer today and pouted because you weren't there with me? though i'm glad i at least had that friday with you before we went to salem, that was wonderful. hey, i had to think of some reason why you wouldn't hear from me! but i'm glad it was a great surprise, love, and it still makes me laugh a little that you shut down a scene just to run to me. oh, you more than repaid me with what we got up to in your trailer, and i loved every minute of it. i love the idea of breaking in my new york apartment once we have more time, and of course breaking in your apartment a little more too. i've been thinking about that rooftop of yours, honestly. i'm glad we got to have a picnic in salem while we were there, love, and the spooky element just added to it! plus, i'll always love when you pack my favorite things -- but also when you cook for me, it means so much to me. i feel like you're taking care of me, and i love that, it makes me feel so good. i had a feeling words of affirmation was one of yours, love, just like i'm pretty sure another one of mine being physical touch is obvious. i'm glad you feel so lucky to be my boyfriend, love, and i can't help but say it again that i'm missing you so much already. the weekend can't get here fast enough so i can be with you again. || @teaguehq

#( conversations. )#( with: joseph quinn. )#long post tw

91 notes · View notes

daretoassume · 2 days ago

Note

Hello , I hope you see this.

I might be a bit desperate.

So 2 years ago I wanted to kill myself but then I had a huge “spiritual awakening” where I say things beyond human comprehension. And from that moment I decided to give life a chance, I knew that life actually had a meaning and that was for me to discover what was beyond what I could think. It gave my so much clarity of the world around me and who I was. From that moment I also started to randomly consciously manifest things without knowing about manifesting. I’m not kidding when I say this but in that time I manifested 6 million overnight while I was just kidding about being a millionaire while listening to my rich music and then when I woke up my parents had the good news. I also manifested others things that I thought where extremely special. But I didn’t really put in effort it was just fun experimenting with my powers.

So then I decided to deepen myself in the laws. I started with law of attraction. And I ended up meditating so deeply everyday that I was so passionate about finding the ultimate truth of reality inside me, that I was extremely depersonalised from my 3D and basically lived inside my brain. I could ask things and receive answers on my questions, like the one time i asked how to invent something that could end humanity ( I still have a full doc on how to build to most effective machine that could end humanity in less than second) I also got the answer of questions about reality and my vessel. So that’s when I realised there was nothing but me. And that I was experiencing myself from the experience of myself ( if that makes sense!) I found that there really was nothing and everything at once while I was giving meaning to it. So that’s when I started with extreme anxiety and depression because I struggled so much with intrusive thoughts, not being able to ground myself in this reality and being so so scared of my thoughts. Still to this day my thoughts scare me so much that I can’t help but experience anything other than fear from myself. It’s like I’m living in a constant nightmare. I have watched so much law of assumption post and videos dedicating every second of my day on being focused and disciplined to affirming and being in the state of having what I want, but it makes me so fuckiyn angry and I don’t know why. Everytime I see a post I feel depressed because deep down I know everything but everyday I wake up in the same reality where everything fucking sucks ( I have been forcing myself to be kind self love gratitude letting go void state visualisation whatever exist I’ve done it all) and when I finally have build up that trust that everything is working out in my highest favour and I always get what I want and the 3D can’t tell me nothing yk I can delude myself into knowing I have it but it’s been over a year and I just can’t bear this reality anymore I know I’m meant for another reality and there’s just nothing for me to find here anymore. And I really don’t know what to do anymore I feel like I’m stuck in this reality where everything seems to get worse. And my thoughts are also getting worded everyday for the last year but whenever I tried manifesting a better self concept mindset etc it got worse when i don’t even want to be the person that is in conflict with themsef because that’s just a idiotic thing to do. But can you help me out?🫶

what you experienced, everything that you learned, was so profound. it is truly a gift to have such insight, so treat it as such. try to examine why it scares you so deeply. there is something within that fear that is asking to be understood.

you have seen how effortlessly you created before, simply by being playful and detached. you were experimenting, having fun with it, and not placing too much importance on the outcome. that is why there was no resistance. things flowed into your reality flawlessly. you already understand the law. you know how to apply it to your life. you do not need another blog post or video to teach you what you already know.

what you need now is to go deeper within yourself, to truly understand why you feel this way. these feelings are not here to torment you but to guide you toward something deeper. perhaps there is a message waiting for you, something significant you need to uncover, or even a realization that you are meant to share with others. your emotions, no matter how overwhelming, are part of your journey. they may be pointing you toward a greater understanding of yourself and your purpose.

if you feel an inner pull to create something meaningful, to express yourself, or to pursue something that sparks joy, do not ignore it. act on it. even if it feels small or insignificant at first, do it. follow what excites you, even in the simplest of ways.

i know it’s easier said than done, especially when it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. but remember, we both know the truth—what we focus on expands. even a small shift in focus toward what you prefer can create change. we often feel so much these days that we forget to acknowledge what we can be grateful for. take a moment and ask yourself: what are you truly grateful for right now? your family, your friends? doesn’t it bring you some happiness to know you’ve learned so much already? i am not saying you are ungrateful. i am suggesting that maybe starting with gratitude, even in the smallest way, could help shift your attention, even just a little.

as you take time for introspection to truly understand what is behind these emotions and why you feel the way you do, you might also set some goals for yourself. try doing something that excites you, even if it’s small. i know this reality can feel limiting, and maybe that’s why you feel like you don’t belong here. but if you see it as a curse, then that’s the experience you will live out.

what if you see it as an opportunity to discover something profound within yourself? what if the very limitations you feel are only reflections of the state you’re currently in, waiting for you to shift?

you don't have to force yourself to change everything all at once. just start small, day by day.

you already know how powerful you are.

#law of assumption #neville goddard #self concept #loa #loablr #affirm and persist #reality shifting #desired reality #manifestation #manifesting #law of attraction #shifting #consciousness #spiritual awakening

40 notes · View notes

yuna542 · 3 days ago

Text

[6.]

~Pogues to the Rescue~

Pairing: JJ Maybank x Reader/Oc

Genre: Fluff, Enemies to Lovers, Smut, Angst, Drama, Action

Warnings: Jellyfish-stings, Swearing, Alcohol and drugs

Taglist: Open

Word count: 2,8K

Summary: The Kook princess is back after a year and reignites the war between Pogues and Kooks on Kildare. But she quickly realizes that after this year, nothing is the same as before. Deception, secrets from the past, and dangerous conspiracies sweep across Kildare, leaving her no choice but to work with the Pogues and her personal nemesis to find the truth and maybe even $8 million. A dangerous treasure hunt begins that turns her world upside down.

Note: Hope you like this part. Let’s say I’m pretty devastated and sad about S4…

Soundtrack:

⏯️Play: Ain’t It Fun by Paramore

“Where you're from

You might be the one who's running things

Where you can ring anybody's bell and get what you want

See it's easy to ignore trouble

When you're living in a bubble”

"Put me down!" escaped me irritably as I drummed my palm on his frighteningly firm chest as soon as we reached the stairs.

I could feel his warm skin close against mine and it was messing with my head.

He just snorted and actually let go of me.

"Wait here! And be quiet!"

Already he had disappeared into the house. I settled down on the step, sighing, since I had no choice anyway.

Only a few moments later he came back with a red plastic box with a white cross on it.

He placed it on the cheap plastic table that looked like it had been stolen from a kiosk where they sold those disgusting fries.

When I looked at it closer, I noticed that it probably was.

"Shit," I heard Maybank mutter, and he closed the box again.

"What?"

I looked over my shoulder questioningly, careful not to turn my upper body.

"It's empty. My dad must have used it all up."

He put his hands on his hips and seemed to be trying to figure out what to do with me now.

"Well, we can definitely go ahead and disinfect the wounds."

Suspiciously, I watched him disappear back into the house and return with a large bottle containing a transparent liquid.

Half of the bottle was already empty.

He sat down next to me on the step and unscrewed the cap.

"What's this?"

I grabbed his hand before he could pour the contents onto my leg.

"Vodka. Alcohol."

He looked at me as if I didn't know what that meant.

"I know what vodka is, dickhead, but is this really a good idea?"

I knew alcohol was used to disinfect, but that's about all I knew about medical treatments.

JJ just shrugged.

"It got 70%. You won't find anything better."

"Yeah, I bet."

JJ gave me an annoyed look, but I just raised my eyebrows provocatively. There probably wasn't even a pharmacy here.

After a moment's hesitation, I finally gave in. What could go wrong?

I could not use an inflammation or infection now.

So I let go of his hand and he began to pour the liquid over my leg.

Immediately a burning sensation shot through my leg, making me gasp loudly.

Several curses escaped me as I waited for the probing pain to subside.

"Now the back," JJ said, and I wanted to punch him in the face.

"On three. One. Two..."

I couldn't even take a breath, when he already had poured the alcohol over the wound on my side as well. The pain was even worse there, and because of the shock I couldn't prepare myself internally.

Reflexively, I grabbed his arm and clawed into it so as not to cry out.

Although I dug my nails into his skin, he didn't make a face, but reached for my hand to squeeze it.

When the pain finally subsided, I pulled my hand away and glared angrily at him.

"Asshole!", I hissed and braced myself to get up from the stairs.

"You're welcome," he replied, setting the vodka down on the table.

"This really should be looked at. I can drive you home so that-"

"No!", I interrupted him harshly, fixing him with my gaze.

There was no way I could go home like this. Rick would just ask a lot of questions and if he found out I was surfing, that I was on the Cut and if he saw JJ to top it all, I'd be screwed....

I'd rather not imagine his reaction.

Astonished, the blond tilted his head and crossed his arms.

Fortunately, he didn't ask any more questions, since he didn't seem to care either.

"Then I'll take you with the others. John B has a first aid kit in the Twinkie and Pope knows what to do. I was on my way there anyway."

Vehemently, I shook my head.

„No, absolutely not!"

At that very moment I staggered and would have fallen forward if he hadn't grabbed me by the wrist.

"You have no choice, though," he murmured, holding my wrist tightly. As he did so, his gaze wandered aimlessly through my face and I noticed the dark green circles at the corner of the endless blue of his eyes.

They were really intense and reminded me of the cloudless sky over Kildare.

Everything in me resisted going to the other Pogues.

For one thing, I was embarrassed to ask for help, and for another, I couldn't let myself be seen there.

If anyone found out about this, I would also be screwed. At JJ's look, however, I realized that I really had no choice.

He clearly seemed to enjoy every second of my sorrow.

I needed help and this was my only option.

He realized that I was admitting defeat and at that, the corners of his mouth lifted a bit. It wasn't until he took a few steps back that I noticed how close he had just been to me.

"We're going on my motorcycle."

He tried to support me, but I fought off his hand. I could still walk myself, even if it was hard.

I didn't want him to think I was weak or needed his help.

So he went ahead and grabbed the keys and I tried to follow him.

"Do you think your friends are really going to help me?", I called out as I tried to catch up to him with a limp.

He glanced over his shoulder at me and tossed the key from his left hand to his right.

"They're going to help you! We're not self-serving kook assholes, after all."

I wanted to hurl a counter at him, but I couldn't think of anything to say. His words hit me because it was true. Hardly anyone from Figure Eight would have even been interested in what had happened to me.

Arriving at the motorcycle, he got on and put the key in the ignition.

The engine howled and rattled away contentedly.

JJ offered me his hand, which I accepted this time, to get on.

His fingers closed tightly around mine and when I was finally seated, he wrapped my hands around his body.

"Hold on tight, princess!"

Then he was already driving off and I actually had to clutch him to keep from falling off.

The wind went through my hair and made it dance around my head.

It wasn't until we turned onto the road after the wooded area that I realized I had been clinging to him tensely the whole time.

Gradually I let go and got used to the ride.

I felt his skin under my fingers and the muscles of his stomach under his unbuttoned shirt.

Directly my fingertips tingled and I fought the urge to run over the contour of his abs while my upper body was pressed tightly against his.

I couldn't focus on my surroundings and had lost my bearings after only a few minutes. Instead, I paid attention only to the amazingly toned body and broad shoulders in front of me.

When had this happened? Just a few years ago, JJ had been just a lanky little daredevil.

The smells of conifers, fresh grass, and salt water mingled into a distinctive nuance known only from the Outer Banks.

Slowly, I began to enjoy the time on the bike and forget about the pain. All too soon, the ride ended at a driveway.

The first thing I noticed as soon as we dismounted was the huge tree with countless branches that had a hammock hanging from it.

I had never seen such a special tree. Like a monster, its branches reached for the sky, trying to grab the clouds.

Or I had simply never paid such attention to trees before.

Behind it, John B's house came into view. Like JJ's fishing shack, it was run down, but still in reasonably good shape.

It even looked quite cozy, if not very luxurious.

As we climbed over the much-too-tall lawn and shrubs, I propped myself against JJ's shoulder.

It was uncomfortable, but my leg was already shaking with exertion.

On the patio sat the rest of the Pogues.

I could make out a large campfire area and the Pogues' old boat.

The property had to be really huge.

Besides, it was really beautifully situated.

Further ahead, the shore began and a long boardwalk led out to a small pavilion out on the water.

Ward Cameron would buy it in a heartbeat and put one of his mansions on it.

"There you are at last! What took you so long?", John B's loud voice rang out from the deck and already his head appeared from behind the sofa back.

"What the hell!" he snapped as his gaze fell on me.

Now Kiara and Pope also looked up. While Pope looked surprised and confused, Kiara looked at my face in disgust.

"What is she doing here?"

Kiara was sitting on an armchair with her ukulele on her lap. Pope sat across from her, tinkering with a fishing line. John B had been lying upside down on the sofa and was now completely perplexed.

"She's hurt. I had no choice but to take her. JB, you still have the first aid kit and that ointment, don't you?" explained JJ, helping me up the stairs.

John B frowned and I was eyed suspiciously by everyone, as if I could detonate a bomb at any time. After what they had done to the Camerons today, that concern was justified.

Kiara put her ukulele aside and straightened up.

With one look at my wounds, she immediately realized.

"Every child knows that this time of year the waters are teeming with Portuguese galleys!"

Kiara seemed upset, yet she stood up and looked at my reddened skin. By now, some numbness was spreading, but the pain did not subside.

"I'm really sorry that I don't have the know-how of a simple fisherman," I hissed, annoyed, and propped myself up against the wobbly railing.

Kiara now looked at Pope, who was also slowly approaching, almost frightened, and eyeing me.

"A simple fisherman wouldn't be so stupid, anyway," now came snidely from JJ, who rummaged in his pants pocket.

I glared at him angrily.

"JJ, what did you do?" asked Pope directly, and I realized that the alcohol had indeed probably not been a good idea.

The blond was now sitting on the sofa where John B had just been sitting. The other Pogue was standing behind Pope with his arms crossed, trying not to get in the way of the two.

"I disinfected the wounds," JJ muttered, putting a joint in his mouth. So that's what he'd gotten at his place.

A moment later, the click of his lighter sounded and he lit it.

"Just like a doctor. I saw it in the movie Pope made us watch!"

"Oh please don't!" it escaped Kiara.

"What? We only had vodka there, so I improvised."

Pope buried his face in his hands as Kiara was about to push JJ off the couch.

"Vodka? Are you out of your mind? You might as well have peed on it! Idiot," Kiara hissed, turning to the other two boys.

"Hey, at least I kind of helped. Could have left her there."

He clasped his hands behind his head and seemed pleased with himself as he blew smoke into the air.

Kiara just groaned in annoyance and pointed at Pope.

"You get the ointment and bandages, please! John B, get ice cubes in a cloth and JJ get a bottle of salt water!"

She threw an empty plastic bottle, harder than would have been necessary against his chest and when the boys disappeared without protest, I had to admit that I admired Kiara for her assertiveness.

I guess she was a kook deep inside after all.

"Come on! Sit down!" she urged me, so I did as she said, since she obviously had common knowledge about jellyfish stings.

Tentatively, I settled down on the sofa and watched as she sat down next to me.

"I don't see any more nettles.... That's good."

"Oh yeah?", I returned sarcastically, whereupon I got a threatening look.

"Don't think I'm helping you because I want to. I just want you to leave as soon as possible."

"Believe me, that's my fondest wish too."

At that moment, JJ came back and threw the water bottle to Kiara. Skillfully, she caught it and unscrewed the lid.

Without a word of warning, she poured the water down my side and then over my calf.

Instantly it burned again and I tried to breathe away the pain.

"You can thank JJ for that. Vodka... Really."

She still couldn't seem to believe that JJ had done that.

In fact, the stinging was starting to subside.

Now the other two returned as well.

Kiara handed me the cloth with the ice, which I eyed in disgust. It looked as if it had last been washed a decade ago.

"Press this on the wounds and the pain should go away completely!"

Tentatively, I did as she said and sure enough, the cold on my skin was liberating. First I pressed the ice underneath to my shoulder blade until the stinging disappeared and only the numbness remained.

Then I put my leg up and placed the cloth on my calf.

In the meantime, Kiara unwrapped the bandage stuff and took the ointment.

"This stuff will make the wounds heal quickly and not leave any scars," Pope explained calmly, leaning against the wall of the house next to John B.

„It's from my mom. Her ointments work like magic..."

„Great", I mumbled sarcastically. Pope immediately looked down on the floor, remembering who I was.

Kiara was now sitting behind me and I winced when I felt her cool fingers on my skin. She carefully probed the skin on my back and I felt like I was on display.

"Watch it," was the only thing she said before she pulled the strap of my bikini open with a flick of her wrist.

Panicked, I held the fabric pressed against my body before it would have fallen off.

Pope swallowed in a panic and turned to face the wall, John B had eyes as big as plates and it took endless seconds before he cleared his throat and averted his eyes as well.

JJ, on the other hand, was looking at me with that amused grin that made me go furious.

Along the way, Kiara spread the ointment on my back.

"The bikini was in the way. I'll bandage this now so the ointment can soak in," she muttered, taking the bandage off the table.

JJ made no effort to avert his eyes and seemed to be enjoying the show. He took a drag on the joint and looked challengingly into my eyes.

"That's very true, Kie! You should really get rid of the bikini completely," he said provocatively and obviously stared at my breasts, hoping to see something more.

Immediately, heat shot up my cheeks. John B cleared his throat loudly again and disappeared into the house with Pope.

It felt like an escape.

"Shut up! If you're not going to make yourself useful, get out of here and start a fire!", Kiara beat me to it and threw the empty water bottle at him again, which he caught this time.

He stood bolt upright and saluted.

"At your command, Captain!" he shouted and winked at me.

By now a huge knot had formed in my stomach, which wouldn't let me throw anything at him in return.

Already he was skipping down the stairs and sauntering down to the fireplace with the joint between his lips.

"He's always like that. Don't worry about it. Every girl he sees, he hits on. You're nothing special."

Kiara fastened the bandage around my body and tied my bikini back on. Even though her voice sounded cool, she no longer seemed so dismissive.

"I noticed that already. Thank you"

Then she began to tend to my leg.

"You really don't seem to like each other?" she said, smirking.

Directly, I shook my head.

"No... He's so incredibly rude and annoying."

"Yes that's true," she agreed, fastening the bandage.

"But still, he brought you here."

I didn't know the answer to that. After all, he just wanted to get rid of me again quickly, right?

⬇️

45 notes · View notes

heavenbloom · 2 days ago

Text

🇵🇸 BEFORE YOU READ: DONATE • BOYCOTT TLOU • GAZAN MUTUAL AID MASTERLIST

❆ — 𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫

song: the night — lovewave

summary: a letter addressed to abby anderson, twenty years after the two of you parted.

warnings: 18+ mdni, literally straight up angst, letter format, from reader’s pov, set in the future, not proofread.

a/n: this is entirely inspired by moonlit winter (2019). this’ll probably be boring af but i love love that goes beyond time and the physical and i love mundane yet emotional movies <3

The icy air nipped at your fingertips, the chill tracing unforgiving trails from them to the bottom of your soles.

The snowfall was thick this time of year and it painted the small town in hushed tones. The only thing heard in the white noonday was the laboured crunch of your boots and the heave of your breath against your thick woollen scarf.

The cold barely registered, though, as you dipped your hand into your coat pocket. The thin, glossy edge of an envelope crinkled at the contact.

How could something so small and hidden conceal a whole lifetime within it? It felt like it was burning a hole where it sat, yearning to reunite with your being, to settle there and remain a secret.

The sound of your footfalls ceased, and you let out a slow exhale. A plume of air swelled in front of your vision, softening the edges of everything.

The post office box was rimmed with ice. It stood as lonesome as you did, on this drowsy street, in a town you knew so well now, yet not nearly enough as you should have. It was hard to be a part of something when you always had one eye gazing back at the past.

This would hopefully change that. A parting gift. A farewell to somebody you had said goodbye to long ago.

You reached for the letter.

⋆⁺₊❅.

Dear Abby,

It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?

I don’t know if I will send this letter, but I can imagine the look on your face if you ever do receive it. Bushy, furrowed brows and downcast eyes… you never looked up when you were puzzled about something. It was if you had to retreat into yourself in order to make sense of the world around you.

The woman that I see receiving this is youthful and vibrant, forever frozen in the sands of my memory. Lines have begun to etch my features, and with each year that passes by, they deepen. It must be the same for you. It has to be, right? But the image of you, aged, eludes me.

I often imagine what kind of person you are now. Did you ever marry? Have children? Do you live in a house with a garden bursting with the smells of overripe berries and fresh herbs, like the one we fantasised about owning all those years ago? These are the reveries that have teeth, that sink and gnaw at something unspoken within me.

I did know you, once, but I’m unsure I do now. Does the soul change over time, or just the meat and bone that surrounds it?

I’ve experienced more of my life with your absence as opposed to your presence. I moved to a quiet corner of the world and made a life for myself. The summers here are mild and the winters are the never-ending and silent kind that we never saw back home. It’s somewhere that you would despise.

Maybe that’s why you plague my mind so often. This town is a place where I know you’d never find yourself in. Back then, I was running away from you and in a way, I still am. Like visiting an attic that one knows is haunted, I think of you.

I dream of you, too. Mundane, meaningless. Nothing happens in these dreams, but you’re there, shining. A wisp of blonde hair, the starlight of a freckled shoulder… the same.

I guess this sameness is what compelled me to write this. I’ve been walking through my life with my head craned back towards the past, so much so that I couldn’t see where I was headed. Now I’ve stopped, in the middle of it, in this purgatory. It can’t go on, Abby. At some point, I have to turn to face the future. I should have long ago.

I’m made up of regrets, but what good will they do now? Instead of listing the should-haves, I’ll tell you the truth;

This is not the first letter I’ve written that’s dedicated to you, but it will be the first I’ve ever had the courage to send. Let it be the last.

I’m sorry if what we shared has also left you with scars and an endlessness of seeking. I’m sorry that I was cowardly, and that I still am.

Thank you for the sliver of sweetness that you gave to me. Thank you for loving me like you meant it. I hope you know that I meant it, too. Everything I did, every word and every touch, was honest.

But I have lived with its death. Now I must let it rot.

Goodbye, Abby. Be braver than I am.

#is this too niche 🧍#abby anderson x reader #abby anderson #abby anderson angst #abby anderson x you #tlou writing #tlou2 #tlou #tlou fanfiction

28 notes · View notes

gor3sigil · 2 days ago

Text

"But whyyyy did u transition if it's to be gender non comforming/still dress "like a girl"/not change your gender marker/yada yada"

Why ? Because I can. As privileged as it sounds, I want to show everyone that it's a path worth taking. Because I firmly believe that people should do whatever the fuck they want if it makes them more comfortable in their skin. Because I got told all my fucking life that my body didn't belong to ME, but to my future husband, to my parents, to society, and if I could eat back my freshly cut uterus you bet your ass I would. To show that I can cut up parts of myself and swallow them back if I PLEASE.

And you can too. You can choose for this path for yourself today, tomorrow, in 10 years, I'll be right there and I'll tell you "oh, nice to meet you !" If you want to start over or "nice to see you again" if you want to just go on. We can celebrate, we also can just smile and keep living like nothing has changed, whatever floats your boat, because I know that sometimes I felt like partying on a new birthday, sometimes I just wanted to feel like every thing was still in the same place has before. As I was changing, it was reassuring to see the world stay the same around me, like a steady floor I could jump on without it crashing down under my feet.

We're living scary times. But when I hear about the trans elders who came out in the 70s (thanks MardiPants for her testimonies), and see how few of them survived to tell their tales, I feel like we have wayy more ways to protect each other now than before.

So let's do it, okay ? Let's protect each other. And when I say that, let me be super clear: let's protect EVERYONE. If someone falls, we stop, and we help. We don't run ahead and expect people to catch up. If someone falls, we stay with them, and when they're up and ready to go on, then we walk together. This is the only way we'll ever make consistent, long-lasting progress, not the false victories that only benefit the Chosen Ones(TM). These victories aren't victories.

Take care of yourselves and keep a close eye on your community. Lend a hand if you can, when you can. Even if it's just one time, it can make a big difference.

#genderqueer #transgender #lgbtqia #trans #lgbtqiaplus #transmasc #queer #genderfluid #ftm #ftx #queer joy #trans joy

27 notes · View notes

sissybabycucksophia · 1 day ago

Text

The Adult Baby Adoption Part 3

(This story is complete fiction and although i may desperately wish it isn’t, there is no fact or real world experience behind this story, and themes reflected in the story may be triggering, these themes are not my actual beliefs and are only part of a fantasy kink scenario. Also non of the images belong to me)

“Wakey Wakey Jadey bear~” a familiar voice melodically hummed, slowly i began to open my eyes having fallen asleep on daddy’s lap. Now however i appeared to be somewhere else. Slowly coming too I realised i was sat in a changing room, with daddy stood between me and the door. Looking down I realised I was sat in nothing but my diaper and my pathetic little girls flower cross necklace, even the pink wig on my head was removed and I gradually noticed that the diaper was a brand new diaper. “Well aren’t you a sound sleeper Jadey bear? I managed get you completely undressed, remove your wig and change your diaper all without you waking up! Also i added a few diaper stuffers to your diaper just to make it last longer” daddy said gently patting my head.

Feeling the embarrassment rush through me i reacted oddly to my nakedness and crossed my arms across my chest trying to cover up, “daddy…. Why have got no clothes on?” I whimpered looking up at him. At that daddy would pull out of his bag and begin securing on my head a more realistic looking Brunette wig which reached down to my nipples. “Because silly little baby! We need to get you more appropriately dressed obviously” daddy chuckled as he kissed my cheek and I noticed hanging on the door in front of me a big puffy white dress. “Ready for what?” I whimpered to which daddy stood up right after securing the new wig and said “ready for your Christening baby! Your going to be christened Jade Ulysses Carmichael and from then on you’ll be one of god’s soldiers. You’ll live a life devoted to this church, its flock and your fellow babies also being christened today. We’ll get a certificate with your new name and we will never again have to refer too you by that vulgar name you used to have. I can’t wait for you to legally have my first name as your middle name and my surname as your surname! You’ll truly feel like my child once my name is part of your name!”

Shock hit me like a bus as daddy spoke, I don’t believe in any god or any religion! And yet this man was not only going to christen me a follower of his religion but also change my name and add his name into mine like a stamp of ownership! “But daddy I Don’t beli….” I tried to protest but daddy cut me off as he pulled me too my feet and took the puffy white dress from the door, unzipping the back of the dress it was clearly it had been designed in a most child appropriate style but in adult dimensions. “Ssshhh jade, i know your excited baby but we really must get you ready!” Daddy said as he then raised the dress over my head and dropped it down over me.

Man handling my arms through the waste, the dress would stop with the waist resting on my diaper waist band. Guiding my arms into the dress’s sleeves daddy pulled the torso of the dress up into place. Before i could object i felt the torso of the dress begin cinching tight around my body from the waist up as daddy zipped me in. Looking down i saw a tight bodice with little sparkly detailing, puffy shoulders which tapered into form fitting sleeves which were lined by sparkly detailing and a skirt which poofed out from my waist hiding everything beneath. As I studied myself daddy would begin guiding my feet into whilte socks with frills around the ankle and a pair of white dolly flats with an ankle strap and white flowers across the toes. Stepping back too look me up and down daddy would turn me around too look at myself in the mirror, as I studied myself daddy would reach over my shoulders and dig out the little girl flower cross necklace to make sure it was on show.

Hugging me from behind daddy whispered “my beautiful little angel, your the vision of femininity my gorgeous baby girl. I honestly cant wait to christen you my daughter! Remember when your being christened that your giving yourself to god and this church baby! Isn’t that great?!” Daddy whispered in my ear. Not that i really heard it as i stood looking at myself in the mirror… why was I Allowing this, surely any embarrassment from being seen chastised and diapered couldn’t be as bad as this! As i stood totally enraptured and entranced by mental fantasies of escape and freedom i didn’t even flinch as daddy secured a thick black collar around my neck which on the front had my new baby name ‘jade’ in big metallic letters and from the back of it i felt something hanging down my back. However it wouldn’t be until i felt my right wrist being grabbed by daddy and manoeuvred behind my back that i would stop day dreaming and begin too panic.

As i felt a thick cuff lock around my right wrist I panicked asking daddy “have you not embarrassed me enough by dressing me like this? Can i not even have my arms free?” I whimpered as I tried too tug my right arm back round it would tug on my neck as the two collars seemed connected. Ignoring my concerns daddy would secure my left wrist into the other cuff and before i knew it i was helpless once again, turning me around too look at me daddy crouch before me and placed a hand on either side if the bodice of my dress and looked deep into my eyes as he said “you know why i agree to take such a yucky, ugly, weak, pasty and pathetic little boy from the agency to be my Baby girl? Do you know why i picked you? Your eyes…. Your beautiful big blue eyes. So innocent and adorable, i knew that once i fixed the rest and made you a little girl that those eyes would be far more comfortable once the face and body around them matched their feminine and beautiful charm!” Daddy said as I suddenly stopped struggling to get my arms free and blushed with embarrassment as i said “you chose me because my eyes are pretty? But you said you didn’t want a boy baby from the agency? You said we had to make do with the fact this mix up had happened and it was my fault for reading the paperwork wrong” i said with confidence and even upset building in my voice. He’d chosen me! Had he stolen me away before a mommy dom got the chance too choose me?. “Sssssshhhhh jade there there. Yes i chose you, your right I didn’t want a baby boy but i knew looking at your innocent blue eyes i could make you perfect! Now we best go now, its your turn now to be Christened!” Daddy replied standing up and opening the changing room door, tears began to fill my eyes as visions of a different life flash through my mind. Leading me out the door of the changing room I followed behind like the submissive little baby faggot that I was, leading me too the stage I looked out as “parents” sat with their “babies” sat all dressed up. The adult babies all wore white, the adult baby girls all wore dresses like me and the baby boys wore white suits.

Looking too daddy he motioned for me to sit on the chair behind a school desk in the middle of the stage, shuffling over i sat down struggling to keep my dress from poofing out in all directions as I struggled to free my arms. Sat before me was a piece of paper on which was written ‘This Document hereby states that James Valence will be Transitioning To and will be changing their name too Jade Ulysses Carmichael. As such this document also states that the afore mentioned James, willingly grants Ulysses Carmichael Full Power of Attorney while still of mental capacity to do so. As such this legally binding document states that James Valence will be legally adopted by Ulysses Carmichael and will turn over all decision making capabilities and freedoms too Ulysses Carmichael.’ Oh god no! This couldn’t be happening! And it got worse! My signature had already been faked on the document! Watching daddy go into his pocket and pulling out a pen and reaching past me to sign and accept legal authority over me, “no please! Daddy stop! Don’t do this!!! Im a man but i swear i’ll never resist you again as long as you don’t sign that please!! Please!! You cant do this!!! You can’t take my freedom like this!!!!” I begged and whimpered as tears gushed down my face and dripped onto my dress. Signing to contract regardless, daddy would proceed to kiss me on the lips and begin making out with me before pulling back too whispering “sh’up faggot, your mine now! No ones coming to save you! Now dry those helpless blue eyes and lets get you christened!” With an evil smile as he grabbed the underside of my left arm and dragged me too my gay little dolly flat and frilly sock coated feet.

At that the crowd of parents and subs cheered, clapping, throwing diapers, Dresses, Bras and stuffies onto the stage at me. As they did reverend imelda would come onto stage and stood at her podium, then from the floor of the stage next to daddy arose a large Tank of water. “Well as you all know Today we Christen all of your new babies with their new names and identities as your children. The first beautiful baby to day to be Christened in the eyes of god is the absolutely pathetic Jade Ulysses Carmichael!!!!” Reverend Imelda said excitedly as daddy push me over too the tank of water pressed me up against it so my knees were against the tank. Then i felt his hand on the back of my neck and suddenly before i could say a word i was bent over at the waist, my ribs against the rim of the tank and my head fully submerged. Panicking i screamed under the water and desperately thrashed around trying to free my arms and push myself out but the straps holding my arms behind my back were far too tight. My life began flashing before my eyes as I inhaled water and coughed wasting valuable oxygen, whats worse was i knew no one was helping me nor was reverend Imelda stopping the ceremony. After 2 minutes and thirty seconds daddy would pull my head out of the water, dropping to my knees in my puffy christening dress I began coughing up the water i’d swallowed as tears rolled down my face and sissy cum’s leaked into him diaper. “I now hereby announce Jade Ulysses Carmichael christened!” Reverend Imelda said excitedly as a cheer filled the room. Dragging me to my feet Daddy picked me up bridal style once again and would carry me off stage too an empty seat at the end of the front row. Sitting me down right night too the man who’d humped me against my will. “Babies need to sit in the front row, daddy will be just a few rows back. Welcome to my family and the church Jade… daddy’s so proud of you” he said as he then disappeared.

For the next two hours i sat watching every Adult baby sign a name change and power of attorney document before having there heads dunked in the tank. Like me some were horribly distressed and uncomfortable but every baby had some kind of restraints on their hands or arms too stop them fighting the dunk. Tears slowly dripping down my face the entire time and sniffling like a sad little girl eventually the event began to reach its conclusion. Being lifted to my feet by daddy I was escorted to a group picture with all the “babies”. However as though a cruel taunt I was stood next to the only other Adult baby who had been forced to crossdress. Recognising her from earlier the girl was beautiful, she had such soft skin so soft and feminine looking, her eyes a beautiful golden brown and her lips plump and shapely. However much to the sheer devastation of the girl she had had her hair cut and shaven to a buzz cut, her chest was clearly being binded, her nails has been cut short and was stood wearing a white formal suit. Her hands were mittened and cuffed together in front of her and a pacigag held a blue paci in her mouth.

Stood next to her I begun to feel less alone as she balled and whaled with tears of sheer devastation and despair. As they arranged us to take the picture, I stepped closer to her pressing my chest against her side. Looking at me she tried to shake her head and say she wasn’t a man, “its ok! I’m a boy! Look just snuggle up to me like we’re getting along then when you get home tell your captor that you would feel better if you got a playdate with Jade Carmichael!” I whispered as I then rather humiliatingly rested my head on her shoulder and smiled. As the picture was taken so marked the end of the ordeal, grabbing my by the shoulder my now legal guardian and decision maker would lead me out of the church, forcing me to curtsy goodbye to every adult we stopped to talk too on the way out.

(Pictures for reference, Jade is forced to wear this dress in an adult size that fits him)

#permanent feminization #feminized sissy #crossdresser #loser humiliation #forced ferminization #pathetic loser #sissy crossdresser #adult diaper #controlling sissy daddy #daddy diaper sissy #bd/sm daddy

25 notes · View notes