#like i could have quit last year it was sooooo hard...jfc it was so hard
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Also I realized earlier in all facets of my life I like a healthy Challenge and I wanted to squeal and kick my feet that's so cool. I'm so cool
#if it's not challenging me at all what is the fucking point#thats so badass.#definitely didnt have this realization from exploring bratting.#jk i 100% did#because bratting is sooooooo fun but then wait i dont want to be put into submission wth. i want the upper hand at all times#and i was like i just want the upper hand but i want to be challenged abt it#i like overcoming!#like the end of last year when after aaaaaall the hell id been put thru i got a huge attaboy and a raise!! WOW!#when i have to frog a project multiple times but then come out w a cool new hat and have learned new stitches!!#i like to prove myself#and look what ive done! look where i am!#look at all ive learned and how much i know#im such a cool funny person because ive been challenged.#i just admire it.#like i could have quit last year it was sooooo hard...jfc it was so hard#but i DID IT. AND IT WAS 100% WORTH IT.#i learned so much and earned a lot of respect and also made great bonds w those kids#they still come running and screaming my name when they see me#im just so proud of myself i love myself sm lmao
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Journey into the MCU XII
Avengers: Endgame
I just watched Endgame. Part of me doesn’t even know what to say. Some bits were brilliant and exactly what I wanted them to be and then some bits were just... a bit shit?
Don’t get me wrong. I loved it. Whenever something happened I was screaming ‘ABSOLUTELY NOT’ you know, in the best way :) ...But... I had to love it, you know what I mean? Seriously though, don’t really know what the shit I just watched (in a good way lol)
So, I love the fact that it started with Clint - that already got me crying (the first of the 41 instances of crying due to this film and probably the fact that I’m hormonal lmao). I adored Tony and Nebula’s interaction playing the game in space and I was like ‘Ah shit here we go again he’s adopting another one’ lol. I honestly had no idea how they were going to get back to Earth until That Bitch™ turns up - I actually waaaaay prefer Carol in this film to Captain Marvel!!!
STEVE RUNS TO TONY WHEN THE SHIP LANDS! I CAN’T! HE’S BY HIS SIDE BEFORE PEPPER EXCUSE YOU BITCH WHAT!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH
I love them so much :’) sorry I’ll stop
Tony’s whole ‘zero zip nada no trust liar’ just. Wow. Very well done to both RDJ and Evans because that’s improvised right? I love!
I really like Thor, Protector of Lesbians and That Bitch’s interaction. Instantly a yes from me.
I enjoyed Thor’s desperation at just slicing that purple twat’s head off.
I’m trying to do this chronologically but I’m gonna start fucking up. Whatever.
I HATE what they did to Bruce. I wanted to see Bruce Banner being distraught and instead they wrote in all this unnecessary humour which personally I didn’t think was too funny maybe because I was too mad and made him permanently green?? Excuse me? The Russos have gotta be clowning right? The dared do THIS to the strongest avenger? Fuck off honestly. Think about what that man has been through - tried to kill himself and this is the treatment he gets?! No.
I like the fact that Thor is depressed because that was a natural decline. And I mean, he was depressed waaay before 2023 right? He has lost EVERYTHING and can’t really relate to anyone else because most of his loss was different, but he manages to maintain some of the humour we see from him in Ragnarok, HOWEVER I feel like the Russos were just trying too hard to make the humour happen and it just didn’t feel right?
LOVE THE FACT THAT THEY GOT OUT OF THE ‘OH SCOTT’S STUCK IN THE QUANTUM REALM’ PLOT HOLE WITH A RAT SCURRYING ACROSS THE CONTROLS. BITCH. I CAN’T EVEN BE MAD AT THAT. THAT’S JUST ICONIC.
Also, Tony Stark really is one of the best dads, huh? Along with Mr. Lang of course. AND NEITHER OF THEM GOT TO SEE THEIR KIDS GROW UP SORRY MORE ON THAT LATER.
I understand that Tony wasn’t on board at first, despite being a bit annoyed at him being selfish, I got it. And then bitch gets on board and everything’s happy for 20 minutes.
The Time Heist was ICONIC aND no one can tell me otherwise!!! Honestly just the fact that it was called the time heist and it was Scott’s plan and Scott is still tHE biggest fanboy - we stan.
I knew about the time travel shit before watching and thought they were gonna fuck it up because time travel is difficult with regard to not just going ‘so now we’re gonna go back and fix everything, job done’ but I actually think they did a pretty good job and did well explaining how *this version* of time travel was gonna work.
I really enjoyed Bruce’s interaction with the Ancient One and when she realises there must be a problem in the future if Stephen saved Tony’s life for the stone.
STEVE, TONY AND SCOTT WERE EVERYTHING AND I ABSOLUTELY LOVED THESE GUYS BACK IN 2012!!! I love Tony making Scott induce a heart attack. ICONIC. I live for the fact that we see all this sort of ‘behind the scenes’ action of The Avengers 2012 and the stuff that happened after the event and the ins and outs of everything. I will NEVER be over these whole shenanigans!!!!! I already knew about Cap V Cap but nOTHING could’ve prepared me for tHAT. This will be a continuing theme lol. I had no idea the whole ‘that is America’s ass’ thing actually happened jfc. SIDE NOTE: Tony really does say ‘I forgot that suit did nothing for your ass Cap’ bITCH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA why you looking though you bi little shit lmao I’m not sorry. Steve whispering Hail Hydra was iconic and I was screaming ‘FUCK YEH BITCH FUCK EM UP NOW THEY DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCKS GOING ON HELL YEAH STEVE!!!!!!’ and at first I was like ‘wait, are they gonna recreate the CATWS elevator fight sequence?’ and then they did tHAT. ICONIC. And then I also knew that they go back further because I knew Tony met Howard and I knew about Dr. Potts and Capt. Stevens (lol) BUT NOTHING COULDVE PREPARED ME FOR THAT EITHER!!!! That shit got me FUCKED aND he hUGged him! He hugged his dad! I was! Not ready! For that!
Anyway so their time heist was really nice and I loved it so much it was everything I could’ve hoped for.
Thor and Frigga’s interaction I thought was really nice and she MUST know by the way he’s talking that in his future, the near future, she’s dead. I just find it so lovely and she completely restores Thor’s confidence in himself.
NOW
CLINT AND NAT
ABSOLUTELY NOT
That totally fucked me up. I knew Nat died at Vormir but turns out it didn’t matter that I already knew because nothing could’ve prepared me for that either.
For one, they hint at it quite a bit after they’ve finalised the plan - you know, that someone’s gonna go there and die. Nebula knows and we know that whoever’s going to Vormir ain’t coming back - well, one of them. oops
Secondly, I had no idea that they *playfully* fought it out to decide who it was gonna be and I was sOBBING from the moment they got to Vormir till- uhhh- well tbh it never stopped but you get the point. The whole fact that Nat realised that *this* was her purpose and after what Clint had been doing for the last five years, he thought he was too far gone and didn’t deserve his family anymore, even if they could get them back. It just totally fucked me up. That was one of my favourite scenes.
Sad Steve. AHHHH.
Then a whole load of shit happens and Thanos learns about the plan. I like the way Thanos talking about his future self is written, so kudos to the writers on that one!
I also appreciate the fact that there’s no delay between Thanos, Squidward and the rest of his crew coming to the future and the fight. That’s it. All of a sudden we’re straight into it! Great!
AHHHHHHH so now it’s time for The Big Three to confront Thanos and I just LOVE this sequence so much I honestly can’t express it and I was so so sooooo hoping that I would see these three on their own (plus purple numpty of course). At this point Thanos is just completely psycho because he wants to destroy the universe and create a new one which is an addition I really like - creates a new sense of urgency I suppose.
In other news, Steve Rogers is worthy! Which I love because somewhere around CATWS I started stanning this bitch!
Dr. Strange’s portals? ICONIC. Hotel? TRIVAGO.
Peter’s back and his and Tony’s whole interaction and hug had me in fucking tears jesus fUCKING christ nope. That shit hurt. THAT IS HIS SON RIGHT THERE. FUCK.
RIGHT.
TONY MOTHERFUCKING STARK.
The fact Stephen knows - has known for 5 years - what must happen.
The look on both their faces when Tony realises.
Nope.
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
Made me wanna die.
Then he does it. Fuck. I’m completely fucked now. Thanks. And then Peter’s by his side and Peter’s whole speech while Tony’s just dYING!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY NOT. I DID NOT COME HERE TO BE HURT LIKE THIS. AND RHODEY. AND PEPPER. AND PEPPER HAS TO PULL PETER OFF. NOPE.
THEN they dare just cUT TO THE FUNERAL??!!?!
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
Get the fuck out honestly.
Tony’s recording. No.
The placing of everyone at the funeral was just perfect. The funeral was just beautiful in general tbh. The Proof That Tony Stark Has A Heart on the flowers. HARLEY!!!!!!! NO.
AND MORGAN WANTED CHEESE BURGERS JFC HAPPY IS GOING TO BE THE BEST UNCLE WOW!!!
Did I know Tony Stark was gonna die? Yes I did. I would’ve had to leave Tumblr to not have found out. There’s only so much that tagging can hide and you see something that hints at it and then you see a quick gif and then you just know, you know?
Did it prepare me? Fuck no.
Now, Steve.
What tHE ACTUAL FUCK?
What was that?
I’m not buying it.
Love the fact he passed Cap onto Sam, but to spend the rest of his life with Peggy? Fuck no. Some girl he knew too seconds vs spending the rest of his life with his BEST FRIEND who was irreplaceable. Fuck off. Bucky’s face throughout the whole sequence. The poor man was fucking devastated. And I’m writing this from a canon perspective because I’m all for stucky you know? Then I asked my self: ‘How could Steve do that?’ Conclusion: he couldn’t and he wouldn’t - the writers were playing silly games and none of us, none of us are buying it.
Did I know all this was gonna go down? Yes. Was I prepared? No.
Not for Bucky’s fucking face jfc. All they got was a line and a quick hug. They were BEST FRIENDS. I honestly can’t stress that enough. Wow.
The deleted scenes. Of course I have watched them aND WHY IN THE SHIT WERE THEY DELETED??? Russos are fucking clowns!!!! They all fucking kneeled for him and that was cut? You having a laugh mate?! And Gerald the Alpaca was cut because??? The extra Howard and Tony didn’t make the cut? Excuse you? Tony’s talking about how he doesn’t think he’s done enough, and then he goes and does the aBSOLUTE MOST???? :’) fuck. And uhhh Rhodey having the ONLY brain cell in the avengers with the whole ‘well you coulda jumped out the plane beforehand Cap’ lmaooo brilliant!!!
So they may be deleted but let me tell you, they released them so now they’re fucking canon.
So in conclusion, did I know all the major spoilers before watching this film? Yes because I wasn’t going to be a tumblr hermit, but managed to pretty successfully ignore them until today. SO WAS I PREPARED? FUCK NO!
Surprisingly I LOVED Clint in Endgame - not that I didn’t like him before but I just really respect how broken he is in this. His family. Nat. It really adds up and I really enjoyed what they did with his character.
I did really love it generally but just wasn’t entirely happy with some of the character choices - because they seemed pretty damn out of character! There’s development over 5 years of not having seen them, and then... there’s... some other situations.
Would I have enjoyed it more not knowing any spoilers? Completely! But I wasn’t gonna stay clear of Tumblr for 4 months lol.
Main thing I will take away from watching this. I miss Tony Stark so much and love him so much. And no I will not shut up about it. And was I crying for a good hour after the film ended and then some whilst I was watching the extra content? Maybe.
Also I’m so emotional that this is IT for Downey and Chris. Wow. Ok I’m done :’)
#so tony *really did* sacrifice himself this time huh?#wow#i miss nat as well man#her sacrifice was incredible#she really did that#i just-#are these emotions ever gonna stop?#i feel like thats a no#lmaooo#im dying inside now#am i gonna watch infinity war and endgame back to back in a couple days?#ABSOLUTELY#AHHHHHHHHH#AND IT’S GONNA FUCK ME UP EVEN MORE!!!!#and then im gonna watch it this weekend with my parents lol#so good#not all of it ngl#but most of it#not over tony/steve/scott time heist#and NEVER will be#ok i think i really am done#:’)#for now#expect a LOT of endgame posts#with a side of rambling#avengers endgame#tony stark#mcu#long post#wow didnt realise how fucking long it is
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JOURNAL ENTRY no. 1 - ❛ REGRETS. ❜
i've always lived by these words: "you only regret the chances you didn't take." which ultimately led me taking chance on a lot of stupid things... that lead to bad decisions, which made a lot of damn good stories... but there was this one little chance i didn't take and i regretted it for years.
it was another day around the palace, guards doing their rounds, the servants running around doing their assigned errands, chefs whipping up the most scrumptious concoctions for breakfast, the king and queen neatly seated at their thrown as they hear out the grand council before them... and then we have the crown princess having the hangover the century... yep, just your typical day at the palace.
jesus christ... that hangover hurt like hell that even thinking about it hurts my head. anyway back to the story, so yeah. princess wakes up with a hangover, right... so there we go. i went up to my vanity and saw a pristinely white letter a top it. i couldn’t quite remember the details, everything is still hazy from that morning. but there are parts that i could recall like:
congratulations
we’ve considered your application
you got in
we’re looking forward to your arrival
i got accepted into a university, i had no idea i sent an application to. maybe once upon a time i drunk sent a letter idek anymore jfc. though i would be lying if i said i didn’t want to go. i took my time pondering on the letter, roaming around my room in circles, contemplating really hard. i didn’t even know why i needed to think about it, i should’ve just packed my bags and went to wherever the living hell this university was. that’s all i ever wanted right? a life away from the palace... but how come i couldn’t drag my feet away from it all? yeah sure, i liked to escape the palace frequently—and damn i was fucking good at it— but i always find myself coming back even when i had the choice to never return... why? i don’t even know myself. i could handle myself, i’m skilled at combat, i know how to shoot, i’m not ignorant to the real world, i know life is tough. i know i could survive without the monarch by my side. i could leave whenever i wanted to. but i never did.
all the thoughts in my head were a waste. i pulled open the bottom left drawer of my vanity and grabbed a lighter—i don’t smoke. i just like keeping one on hand, in case—and burned the letter, watching the embers fall on the marble floor. watching the future i could’ve had, burn into ashes. i watched it burn till the last bit of paper was nothing but dark glowing embers that soon dimmed into the ash it was. the method was a bit extra™ and drastic, i agree. a lot of people would do anything to get into university and here i was burning an acceptance letter.
the reason i did it? perhaps, the intense hangover i was having affected my decision... i certainly wish that was the case. so i could blame it on the alcohol... but it wasn’t.
sooooo... that’s about it... the story of how i almost went to university... i regret i didn’t go, but i’m glad i got that out of my system. i don’t feel bad about it now. it was a wasted opportunity, for sure—like no shit sherlock. but hey i’ve got the best of the best teachers in spain teaching me shit for the last twenty years of my life. i’ve got nothing to complain about.
lots of love, hel.
#manorshq:journal#( ❛ journal. ❜ )#idk what this is about#or if it made any actual sense lmao#but like have this#????#i felt like it so <3#the format is verrryyyy informal#since it's a journal right??
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