#like i am so sick of hearing things like ‘no one else could have played this role’

[ghostlypawn]

think one of my gripes around stage to movie adaptations is that the discussion around roles turns competitive in nature as only one person can portray a role on screen compared to the stage where multiple people can play a role so the community feels much more appreciative of the variety of portrayals and as a result the discussion feels less hostile

[deathbxnny]

Loved your writing of arcane characters saying things they regret during an argument. Would you be willing to do a version with Jayce, Viktor and Silco? I apologize if you don't prefer to write about these characters, you can ignore this

Arcane men saying things they'll regret during an argument. | Viktor, Jayce, Silco x Gn!Reader

Oh, I absolutely am willing to do that, Anon!! These are going to be pretty irredeemable, though, so there is not going to be a part two to this... anyways, enjoy!!<3

Content: Season 2 spoilers!!, heavy angst, hurt/no comfort, break ups, swearing, gaslighting, toxic behavior, sfw

Reader has no mentioned pronouns.

((Not proofread))

》VIKTOR

"This... isn't you anymore, Viktor. A-And I refuse to keep lying to myself like this either!" You hissed out one night, unable to keep it in any longer. You were losing your mind in this compound of his, unable to understand how seemingly no one was able to recognize how wrong everything was. People who were "healed" by him weren't the same after. They turned into robotic and uncanny husks of their old selves.

A terrifying sight that unnerved you deeply. And only you here.

The nail in the coffin was perhaps the skeptical appearance of Councilor Salo. Never in your life had you ever seen him give a damn about anyone but himself. He lived a life of riches and materialism, far from the selfless and minimalistic lifestyle found here. But after your boyfriend healed him of his inability to walk, he suddenly preached the same ideals that everyone else did.

Peace, love, and community.

Those were the important pillars of this idyllic place Viktor had created, and yet you couldn't see past the clear red flags that weaved themselves in their white attire. You were never much of a genius like he was, but it didn't take much brainpower to understand that this was not a great place to be in. No matter how hard he attempted to convince you of that.

"... I'm sorry you feel that way. But I'm afraid I can not follow your reasoning for this claim. I am myself... just someone greater. More meaningful. Isn't that beautiful?" His voice was so gentle and patient in comparison to yours. Something that wasn't unusual to him. But the way he used that tone now made you sick. "Terrifying is a better word, actually... Why can't you see that this is just wrong? You're not healing anyone-" "-But I am. Look around you. Is that not enough for you to finally believe me, my love? I want to create a better world... one in which we can live freely together." Your mind spun, his words ringing in your head dangerously. And you hated every second of it.

This isn't the man you loved anymore. He must have died that fateful day when the sky fell from above, and he covered you with his body to save you. His last act of kindness as your boyfriend and lover before he perished and left behind whoever he was. And you'd be damned if the last good memory got tainted too.

"No. I will not let you play with my mind anymore. I've had enough." You pushed past him, wanting to finally escape this borderline cult. Originally, you had only followed after him because you couldn't bear being without him. Jayce was right, though. He really was different now.

"Hm... it seems like I was right about you after all." You stopped in your tracks yet didn't dare face him. "You truly are not worth saving... you can't grasp the beauty of what I have made. I suppose everyone's claims for your low intelligence were, unfortunately, right. What a shame." How could a devil have such a soothing, loving voice? Why did the monster that now lurked in your shadow have to have your lovers face? The cruelty was too much to bear.

Who would have thought that you'd finally leave him for good after all the years you've taken care of him? This moment felt so surreal and yet ironically freeing as well. The end was near. "Did you... ever even love me?" You asked aimlessly, but didn't wait to hear his answer.

Perhaps if you had, however, you would've seen that sudden spark of surprise in his eyes, as you slipped out of his fingers for good at last.

》JAYCE

You had looked everywhere for him. And after also asking everyone under the sun if they had seen your boyfriend, you had eventually determined that he must've somehow gone missing. Worried sick, it pained you knowing that there wasn't much you could do either, considering that everyone was too busy getting ready for a borderline war and Caitlyn became unreachable as a result. Yet just as you began to lose hope, your dear lover finally returned... but he wasn't the same.

He didn't look the same, nor did he act the same, in fact. He looked so different that it even visibly startled you when you found him rummaging through his once shared laboratory. You had just returned from another wrap around the building in hopes of finding it, and whilst you'd consider yourself lucky this time around, all you now felt was genuine dread.

"Jayce...? What happened to you? I looked for you everywhere and-" You stilled at the intense look he gave you, his face flinching for a moment, as though his mind couldn't comprehend your image. Glancing over at his peculiar weapon of choice, you felt unnerved at how even that looked uncanny. The entire situation was unnerving you deeply, to say the least. "You... You shouldn't be here." He finally muttered, his voice deeper and colder than it ever was. Jayce always had such a fun and warm voice. If you didn't know any better, you would've questioned who he was a while ago.

"Hey... tell me where you were, okay?" You said, trying a more gentle approach as you neared him, eyes focused on his clearly injured leg. Had he been kidnapped? You doubted it. So what made him end up like this? Nothing you could come with explained his appearance. His hair and beard were way longer than they should have gotten in the short span of time he was gone, too.

Reaching down carefully, you tried to inspect his leg, but he seemed less receptive to the idea. Or so you assumed, after he shoved you away roughly and held the hammer to your face at impressive speed. His eyes were glossy, as though he wasn't entirely all there. He was reliving a terrifying moment in his mind, unaware of the horror you were going through. Never could you have ever thought of ending up in this position with him. "Jayce! What the hell are you doing-?" "-Get away! I know what you are... you've been sent by him too, weren't you?" You let out a shriek when he swung the hammer at you, only giving you a fraction of a second to jump out of the way.

Falling onto your behind, you quickly crawled backward and away from him, tears welling up in your eyes. Your scream seemed to at least wake him up, though, as he finally lowered his weapon and blinked at you in surprise. "Fucks sake! What is wrong with you?" You yelled out, yet as fast as his face softened, it hardened again. "... Sorry... I need to leave." Quickly making his way past you, he only barely escaped your presence before you grabbed onto the fabric of his pants. "Why? Where are you going? Why can't you tell me anything?"

The look in his eyes made you shrink away. This wasn't your Jayce anymore. "... The future of everyone in Piltover hinges on me being there on time. Now, make yourself useful for once and get out of my way." Shaking you off harshly, he left you crying on the cold floor of the once lively laboratory, not once looking back.

》SILCO

When you first met Silco, you were both still leading simple lives in the last drop with his brother and all of your other friends in Zaun. The lanes were harsh and, at times, cruel, yet you fought through the agony of it all together. Years down the line later, you find yourself still reminiscing on those heavenly days, particularly those of your lover who had turned for the worst in the time being. And the question of why you didn't listen to Vander's warnings came to mind again then. Perhaps you were just too used to excusing everything his brother did, especially after he had attempted to drown him so horrifically, which left him permanently injured.

But even so... why didn't you just listen? Why did it take so many years for you to finally throw the towel and leave for good? Finally realise that the man you loved was a monster? A disgusting and evil monster who was willing to use the plight of others for his own gain. And for what? Money? Fame? Power? It was all an ego trip you had far more than enough of. Zaun was his playground, and an escape was impossible. You'd be, however damned if you didn't at least try to anyways. Even if just in Vander's honor as a long-awaited apology.

Pushing past the crowd in the stuffy, full Last drop, you finally reached his office upstairs. Not caring about formalities anymore, you knocked and opened the door without awaiting a reply. If death met you behind it, then so be it. "Ah, darling, in a hurry today, aren't you?" "We need to talk. Alone." Short and straight to the point. Raising a brow, he shared a look with Jinx, who was just done giving him his daily "medicine". Oh, how you hated your lover's dearest creation. Shimmer. The exact thing that had ruined your lives for good. But you pushed away your disdain for the task at hand.

Giving Jinx a dismissive wave of his hand, you waited for her to be gone for good before taking a breath to speak. But Silco beat you to it. Always so painfully perceptive. "The answer is no, if you're here asking to leave. I refuse to let you go, dear. You have no one else but me after all. You wouldn't survive on your own." He always underestimated you, so this wasn't an all to surprising response. And if you were just a couple of months younger, you would have maybe agreed and backed off. But you were sick of his games.

"I didn't come here to ask for permission, Silco. I'm here to say goodbye." The slightest, softest crack at the last word gave you away horribly. You certainly didn't expect your feelings for the man to betray you, but even that won't stop you now. Said man just hummed in response as he stood up to face the window. His hands calmly lit a cigar, very much unbothered. But you knew that your sentence had gotten to him anyway with how his hand shook ever so slightly. Out of anger, most likely.

"So you think you can do whatever you want? Leave after you've spent so many years at my side? Your hands aren't as clean as you think they are, darling. Even yours are a bright violet." A reference to the shimmer vials on his desk. He knew how much you hated it, so this felt like a jab. A jab at the deep guilt you felt every day for enabling the death of all of your friends indirectly. If only you had stopped him from the start... then maybe you wouldn't have to feel the dread that ruined you from the inside anymore.

"I've accepted my flaws and sins a long time ago. I may not be better than you... but sometimes, in order to end the cycle, you have to walk away and leave some things behind." You suddenly felt so content, his cold and terrible words not reaching you anymore. You were so close to leaving. So close to leaving Zaun and Piltover like you've always dreamed. But Silco just scoffed in disbelief.

"Hah, don't give me that self-righteous shit... I've been there for you for so many years, dear. I've taken care of you, fed you, and loved you to my best ability for so long. The least you could do is be grateful for my kindness." "So you think I'm a burden?" The silence was deafening, but it was enough to confirm your long-standing suspicions. He had lost his love for you a long time ago. Perhaps the side that loved you so purely drowned in the river with him.

"... Goodbye. I hope one day you can walk away too." You turned and began walking out then, suddenly realising that it's finally over. Shoving your hands into the pocket of your coat, you felt the ticket for the skyship you had to take. "Don't you dare leave. Don't you dare it-" All bark and no bite as usual. There was no stopping you now, and he knew it. He was letting you go after all. You could just hope that one day he'd listen to your words and end the cycle, too.

What a shame that you won't be there at his side to see it, however... maybe in another life then.

[angelshimaa]

𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐘 ;; 𝐕𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒

⤷ feat. bakugou & kirishima <3

✧ cw :: gn!reader, fluff, reader is shorter than them (height not specified), bkg calls you 'babe' and 'pretty', kiri calls you 'baby' and 'pretty', bkg's is a teensy bit suggestive (only if you squint), bkg swears twice, kissin in both 😍

✧ a/n :: hi y'all !! haven't written fanfic in a bit so i am a little rusty (sorreiii) but i couldn't get this out my mind, so here :D it's a little long and i feel there's repetition, but who cares? 😍

"katsu, have you seen my necklace? i swear i just had it—" you walk down the stairs, headed for the living room. the love of your life pauses his patient wait, looking up at your descending figure.

he's not sure he'll ever get used to how beautiful you are.

"s'on the table, babe," katsuki's used to your running about, finding bits and bobs to complete the look of the day because you misplace things quite easily. he places his phone on the table and stands to pick your beautiful necklace up himself.

you feel your lips quirk upwards at the sight of him, his suit smooth and matching your own attire. he's heartbreakingly handsome like this, suited up, and you don't think you'll ever tire from this.

"thank you." you watch bright red irises inch down your figure as you walk closer to him, taking in how good you look all dressed up. you're beaming so prettily at him, and for once katsuki finds a good reason for all these hero dinners. "put it on for me?"

you turn, back facing bakugou as he gently puts the necklace onto you. it's adorable how his fingers fumble a little with the clasp, his skin brushing up against the exposed skin at your neck as he tries to get it right.

the necklace is cool against your skin and his cologne smells too good. it's muted, yet its every note has you fighting back a blushing giggle— you'd be embarrassed for yourself if this wasn't your man. however, the giggle leaves your throat when he presses his lips against your neck, his hands dropping to hold onto your hips.

"thank you, katsu." you spin around to face him, and gosh does he wear that look he gives you so well. the softness of those features has you feeling like the only person in the world worth paying attention to. "you look so, so good."

your fingers fiddle lightly with the lapels of his blazer as you scan the admiration shaping his features. "'s that right?" amusement plays on his features, his hands sliding up to your waist, bringing you even closer to him. that grin of yours has every inch of him burning to kiss you, to show you just how perfect he thinks you are.

"mhm. got such a handsome man." your eyes sparkle up at him and he finds himself gifting you a half-smirk in return.

"'s all for you, pretty." his pretty eyes linger on your lips before looking back up to meet your eyes. "fuck, you're perfect." katsuki's so close it wouldn't take much to brush your lips against his. you laugh lightly at how intensely he's gazing at you.

finally, you meet each other halfway, pressing lingering kisses against each other. it's when your lips lock into a deeper, passion-seared kiss that you feel time threaten to slip away from your fingers. there's nothing else you'd much rather do with your time, than feel those soft lips against yours and against your skin, those warm hands trailing over every inch of you as though he would never get sick of mapping you out—

"we're gonna be late!" you're the one who breaks the kiss with a laugh, lightly hitting his chest.

"who gives a shit when you look this good?"

you laugh at the groan katsuki lets out when you get out of his grasp. "i do, kats. we'll never hear the end of it if we're late again. lemme find my phone, and we'll be off."

his eyeroll is practically audible, but he follows after you nonetheless. besides, he's sure such perfection will last long enough for him to praise it just right after this tedious dinner.

"pretty, could you please do my t—" eijirou's words die on his tongue when he catches the sight of you touching up your hair while looking into the mirror. you look so cute, all concentrated on fixing an error that wasn't even there.

"yes, eiji?" you fix your gaze into him with a smile. your eyes land to your boyfriend, his tie still very much undone and resting on his broad shoulders. "oh, your tie."

the giggle bubbles out your chest when kirishima wolf-whistles at you while you walk to him. "give us a spin, give us a spin!" laughing, you obey by twirling, earning a cheer from him that makes you laugh even more.

"you're such an idiot, eiji," your grin is wide and kirishima is so proud of being responsible for it. he has a grin wide enough to match your own and you reach out to hold his face for a little.

"and you're so, so pretty, baby. gosh, look at you." his eyes are as tender as his touch grazing the small of your back, his hands settling on your hips. "i'm the luckiest man ever, i swear."

you let go of his face, dropping your hands to do his tie. it wasn't that he didn't know how to do it himself, but there was so much magic in how lovely you looked doing it for him.

"and the manliest, most handsome man ever." you glance up at him with a smile. his red mane has grown a little longer than its usual length, so you suggested a low bun instead of his typical updo.

it's safe to say you're glad he listened.

"done!" you adjust his tie and smoothe it over his chest, beaming up at him.

eijirou dips his head down to give you a peck, and another because only one is just never enough. "thank you, baby." what a beautiful smile. "what else do you still need to do?"

"i think i'm done… wait, one last thing."

gently, you hold onto kirishima's tie, inching up its length as you eye him. as though he reads your mind, he dips down to meet you with a proper kiss. warmth settles into your stomach; it feels so unexplainably right to kiss him.

he hums as he feels his heart buzz, smiling into your kiss as he brings you in closer by your hips. it's instinct to wrap your arms around his neck and stay like that a while longer, but you catch yourself beforehand. you both had somewhere important to be.

"that's everything! time to go, traffic might worsen soon."

kirishima watches you walk away with a smile before he follows, completely ready to look at nothing but you for the rest of the night.

✧ — thank you for reading !! rbs and feedback are greatly appreciated <3

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[comingdownwithme]

Mind giving us some headcanons for the woods brothers? Please and thank you

IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ASK OUGHH LOVE THE WOODS BROTHERS

Anyways, changed a few things about them and their story (a lot for Liu), so uhh I hope you don't mind all that ousgdhdhdh

Jeff the Killer

The Woods- like all families- weren't perfect, but they all tried their best despite the fact. They played their roles, attended church every Sunday when they could, and most importantly, they loved each other, and Jeffery Hodak Woods wouldn't have changed a thing.

Still, fate doesn't bend to what we want, does it?

After drastic changes and loss after crushing loss had driven the eldest Woods son to madness, Jeff wondered if those sermons truly meant anything when he damned himself to hell the moment he crawled out of the new house he was supposed to call home and decided that three men were about to pay for what they did.

Struggled with Intrusive thoughts his whole life, and though his parents meant well, being raised thinking that every awful thought was a product of the devil himself left Jeff to internalise a few things.

Speaking of internalising a few things! Internalised homophobia! Being raised in a religious, conservative household in the early 2000s is gonna do that to you lmao

He's got a Southern accent. After reading one fanfic I literally can't hear Jeff with anything else and it's a curse I must bear alone </3

Even before the incident, he's always had a bit of a gummy smile, his ruined cheeks just made his grin wider which emphasised it more.

Smoker since he was a teen, though his parents never knew that. He vaguely smells of tobacco and iron.

Is a damn good cook and huntsr. He learned the former from his mom alongside Liu, and learned the latter from his dad, but after the incident (and the fact he's basically homeless), he doesn't cook unless he truly has to due to his Pyrophobia. The only fire he can tolerate are from his lighter.

He does still use his hunting skills though, both for his targets and for, y'know, food if he's some place rural. He's kinda gross and feral though, so when desperate times call for desperate measures, well, it's not the first time he's eaten roadkill.

His burn scars are mainly isolated to his left side, though they stretch a little past half of his back.

Paints his nails black when he can. His nails and his knife are the only two things he consistently takes care of lmao

Targets anyone. He knows most people will be missed, and he doesn't want to suffer with his grief alone.

Gave himself that sick Glasgow smile when he was facing an especially bad period of grief, and since he wasn't raised in the most emotionally open household, he wasn't equipped to handle his own feelings. The end product was rough and jagged from the pain, but at least he could still smile all pretty like his mom told him to.

Jeff woke up surrounded by fire, unable to scream amidst the rubble and smoke as it threatened to suffocate him. Sometimes, when he sleeps, he relives that moment, leading him to be terrified of sleeping. He attempts to solve this by cutting off the lids of his eyes, but he pussied out before he could finish the job, leaving himself half-blind when his fucked eye dried up.

I HAVE... SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT JEFF BEING RAISED IN A RELIGIOUS HOUSEHOLD AND GENUINELY BELIEVING HE WAS POSSESSED OR TARGETED BY THE DEVIL AT A YOUNG AGE... IMAGINE, WAKING UP IN UNIMAGINABLE PAIN AS FIRE FLOODS YOUR VISION, AND THINKING THAT "This is it. I really am damned to hell."

IMAGINE CRAWLING OUT OF THAT OUT OF SHEER FORCE OF WILL, AND AS YOU LOOK UPON THE GOLDEN FLAMES THAT SPROUT FROM YOUR HOME, BELIEVING THAT YOU'RE NOT THE SAME PERSON YOU WERE, AND THAT YOU'RE A DEMON PARADING IN DEFORMED, HUMAN FLESH

THAT THE FIRE HAD REVEALED WHO YOU REALLY WERE ALL ALONG, AND THAT THERE'S NOTHING MORE YOU COULD DO BUT SUCCUMB

Liu Woods

Growing up, Liu had always been close to his older brother. He could rely on him, and Jeff, in turn, could always rely on Liu, though the younger of the two always knew that his older brother could never truly be vulnerable with him, nor could he compare to just how much Jeff had done for him growing up.

One day though, a while after they've moved, a fresh start for a new life, Liu takes the chance to protect his older brother just as he had done for him, though he'd come to regret that choice when- while in juvenile detention- Liu finds out that his home was gone, alongside his parents, and at the center of it all was the brother he tried to protect.

With the loss of his parents, Liu went around in different foster homes, though he never truly felt like he was part of their families growing up.

As he grew up, he managed to graduate and become a detective, both to help people amidst a growing amount of murders and missing persons cases, and to find and hunt down Jeff.

He'd rather die than admit it, but he does miss Jeff, and he could feel an awful, sinking feeling within him at the thought of hurting him. In the end though, his morality wins over

When he first met his brother in person, Liu recognised Jeff immediately. Jeff, however, did not. Liu was overpowered, and it was only until he had already carved through Liu's cheek did Jeff realise what he had just done. The doctors say that Liu shouldn't have survived then with how much blood he had lost, but thankfully, someone was there to help. Though when the paramedics came, all they found was Liu, alone and unconscious.

Hates the smell of tobacco.

His southern accent isn't as noticeable as Jeff's, but it's more obvious in the way he says certain words or when he's angry.

Has intrusive thoughts, though he's more capable of dealing with them compared to a certain someone. Doesn't make them easier to deal with though, and that doesn't make the guilt he suffers through any less of a burden, especially as an officer of the law.

[zomb-core]

۫ ꣑ৎ NOT MY FATHER || carl grimes x female walsh!reader

summary: carl and you had been inseparable before the apocalypse but that quickly changed the night your father lost it.

(intended lowercase)

warnings: carl is sort of a dick at first, mentions of attempted murder.

friends to enemies to lovers

everyone longed for the life they were forced to leave behind when the apocalypse started, some loathed it, it depended on the situation. you, however, were in the vast majority of people who missed it, who wanted back what they once had, who they once had.

it had been several years since the outbreak started and you had come to terms with the fact that this was just how things were now. your life before the apocalypse was simple, you lived with your father, shane, he was an amazing dad despite the hours he worked. when your father was at work you would either be at school or staying at lori's, lori had agreed to watch over you along with her son, carl. carl was your best friend, you did everything together; read comics, play video games, watch tv — whatever kept the two of you entertained.

at least, that's how it had been.

ever since shane had tried to kill rick in a sick attempt to regain lori's heart carl had shown a strong distaste for you. it made you angry. you wondered how the boy you'd grown up with could hate you over your father's actions, you weren't the one who executed them so why?

when it had happened you assumed carl's coldness would eventually wear off, but it never did, it had been years and he still expressed the same disdain for you. you could tell he wished you were someone else, wished you weren't the spawn of such evil, but it just wasn't possible.

rick never treated you any differently, he knew it wasn't your fault, so why didn't carl?

you learned to stop questioning him so much or trying to make amends, it didn't make any difference so you quit wasting your time. that seemed to anger him more, you didn't understand why considering it was his request to you.

you thought being in alexandria would help lessen the tension between you two or at least make it more avoidable, but it was to no avail, he seemed to seek you out just to spare you a scoff or scowl. you hated it, if he wanted to scorn your being then so be it, but couldn't he refrain from making it so obvious?

eventually, rick had tore him a new one after he had crossed a line and he began to leave you alone.

that was until it was deemed smart to send the two of you on a run together. alone.

it had started off fine, silent but fine. normally, silence in a situation like yours would be unbearable, but the possibility of what could be said if either of you spoke was much more unpleasant, and you were certain you were right when he did speak.

you were crouched down, shoveling supplies into a duffle bag while he was standing guard in case any walkers tried to sneak up on you two when he decided to speak, “do you even care about what he did?”

you felt yourself flinch in shock, not expecting him to speak, your lips pressing into a thin line when you processed his question.

“of course I do.”

“then why don't you act like it?”

you couldn't resist the scoff that urged to escape your lips at the accusation, your fingers tightening around the bag they held. “how am I supposed to act? I have apologized a hundred times, cried, tried to make amends— it's never gonna be enough, is it?”

“he tried to kill my father—”

“yeah, carl, he did. shane did. shane tried to kill your father, not me, when are you gonna get that?” you spat, zipping the duffel bag and throwing it over your shoulder. you could hear his hesitation to speak again and used it to your advantage, allowing yourself to quickly exit the store and make it back to the car before he did.

sometimes you couldn't believe the audacity the boy had, did you care? of course you cared, was he out of his mind?

the shuffling of feet dragged you out of your thoughts, you could see carl making his way in the direction of the car and decided it would be a good time to throw the supplies in the back — there wasn't much in the store to loot but it was better than some of your other runs. you closed the door of the car and made your way around to the passenger side, climbing in.

the ride back was just as silent as the ride there, minus the tapping of carl's fingers on the wheel. you could tell he was thinking about something, you were sure that it was related to the conversation you two had just moments ago. you hoped that maybe he finally realized you weren't to blame for the actions of your father, but then again, the chance of that was very slim; you had been trying to convince him for years, one petty argument wasn't gonna change anything.

you didn't waste any time returning to your house the second you arrived back, too overwhelmed with fury to care about much else. you trudged up your stairs and threw yourself on your bed, burying your face in the mattress, allowing yourself to find refuge in the soft material. tears found their way from your eyes into the cloth, absorbing it along with all your sorrows — you weren't one for self pity but you desperately wanted answers, wanted forgiveness for crimes you hadn't committed, and most importantly you wanted your best friend back. was there really nothing that could be done to mend what your father had broken? you didn't want to blame him but you did, you resented him for what he did and what he caused. everyday for the past 3 years you sat and pondered in a puddle of ‘what if’s — what if your dad hadn't lost it? what if he was successful? what if carl never blamed you? still, nothing changed the present, you were still left without carl by your side.

you hear a sigh in your doorway, jolting up to see maggie standing there with crossed arms,

“I told them it wasn't a good idea to send you guys together.”

you couldn't help but laugh as she approached you, taking a seat next to you.

“you're probably the only smart one out of them.”

“what happened?”

maggie and you were never really close, because, frankly, you weren't close with anyone anymore, but she seemed to care and notice things and you appreciated that; you trusted her. “he thinks it's my fault, he doesn't say it but I can tell. he thinks I don't care— it's like he's convinced I'm heartless.”

“with the way you sit in here crying about it, I doubt you're heartless, he just needs someone to be angry at.”

you nodding, a soft sight leaving your lips, “yeah, I just wish it wasn't me.”

a slight frown was all she gave in response, resting her hand on your shoulder for a moment in a brief attempt of comfort before getting up to exit your room. you listened to her footsteps become distant as she descended down the stairs, throwing yourself back against the mattress once she was no longer within earshot.

you guessed she was right, maybe he did just need someone to be mad at and you just happened to be the perfect candidate, how unlucky.

you had no desire to leave your room after the events of today and opted for a nap to cure your exhaustion and hopefully your desolation.

you didn't bother changing into night clothes and instead focused on untying your combat boots, you tossed them to the side and crawled under the comforter, relishing in the comforting feeling. it didn't take long for you to become a victim to sleep, quickly drifting off and being met with a blank mind.

sleep was the ultimate painkiller, that was something you stood by, but with the apocalypse it was just about as hard to come by as ibuprofen. when you did get the privilege of sleeping you took it as a delicacy, you used it to let your mind stray away from carl and instead become blank or filled with dreams. nightmares were rare for you, but the select few times you did have them were nothing major so you never worried about it like others did, which you suppose made you lucky.

you were awakened by the sound of knocking on your window.

you weren't sure what time it was but you were certain it was late. your hand immediately found its way to the knife you had on your nightstand, you kept a tight grip on it as you approached your window as quietly as you could. you pulled the curtains aside to get a view of who caused the noise, you felt your body go rigid at the sight, the knife in your hand falling to the floor and clattering on the hardwood.

carl grimes. carl grimes sat crouched in front of your window.

once you came down from your shock enough to move, you opened the window, moving aside so he could climb in. he landed on your floor with a soft thud, immediately standing to his full height and stretching, his gaze lingering on you as he did so.

“why are you here?” the words came out soft and unthreatening unlike you had intended, your voice wavering slightly. he moved away from you take a seat on your bed, waiting for you to take the spot next to him,

“I wanna talk.”

you got the hint and sat down next to him, staring at your lap, avoiding making eye contact with him. “okay.”

“you were right— today when we were out, you were right. you didn't do anything, shane did. I was just angry, I wanted to be mad at shane, to take it out on him, but he's gone so I took it out on you, his daughter. when it happened it all felt the same and I never let it go, I never even allowed myself to think about it. I saw you and saw shane and that's all it took I guess.”

“I'm not my father, carl.” your broken voice confirmed, the tears from earlier resurfacing and streaming down your cheeks. you've waited years for this conversation and when you finally get the opportunity to have it every last emotion managed to find its way to the surface.

“I know, I see that now. I'm sorry.”

“why wouldn't you just talk to me? I could've told you that a while ago, I shouldn't have had to wait 3 years for you to finally come to your senses and realize that my father is the one who went crazy, not me. I shouldn't have had to mourn a friendship that could've been so much more if you would've just noticed that.” your tear filled eyes rose to look at him, your stare asking him every question you've asked yourself over the years, showing him all the confusion, the anger, the sadness.

“I couldn't. I just couldn't.”

“that's not enough, carl! I want answers, I deserve answers!”

“because I was in love with you! I was in love with you and I couldn't be in love with you then!”

you froze, your eyes widening in shock, “…what?”

“I was in love with you and I knew you were in love with me too, I couldn't handle it. I was mad at you for something you didn't even do and I couldn't bear being around you knowing all I could see was him and what he did while I still loved you.”

you sobbed. you couldn't do more than that. he was right, you had been in love with him and you still were, he knew why you were so upset — he knew that your longing was for more than friendship. what had happened wasn't fair, not just to you, but to him too; you finally understood why he acted the way he did and now you couldn't bring yourself to be angry with him, all you could feel was despair. you felt him wrap his arm around you, pulling you closer to him and you couldn't help but lean into him while continuing to cry.

“I'm sorry. I should've told you sooner.”

a/n: I made this a long time ago and scrapped it, but the story I'm working on right now is not coming together as I had hoped and I feel bad about the lack of uploads so I hope you enjoy this and I'm sorry I haven't been posting!!

masterlist

[novvabee]

The Boys in the Band

ok... I am extremely sick and extremely stressed about the current state of the world so I wrote a few things to make me feel better. also if you think of a better name for the girl's band lmk cause I am not entirely sold.

Summary: the boys start a band called The Marauders

cw: sorry i am not good at these but there is swearing, drugs/smoking, and mention of vomit

Word count: 2.6k

James was quite hung over. More hungover than he had been in a long time. He felt as if someone cracked one of the many bottles he finished last night over his head. He needed a cigarette, possibly another shot.

He made his way through the mess of a hallway, bottles and plastic cups lying around, he was sure someone's puke was streaming down the wall. He can’t remember half of the party, he remembers playing Sirius in some drinking game and losing, snogging some brunette who’s name he can’t recall and her being eager to go back up to his room, and lastly, he remembers Lily walking into the kitchen, her friends in tow, not seeing James or maybe just pretending not to see him.

He couldn’t blame her really, he knows he fucked up. He knows that she was angry with him, and that she may never speak to him again. And that would be fine, if that’s what she chose. His head started spinning, he couldn't be thinking about all that right now.

He decided to seek Sirius and Remus out. He shared this grungy, tiny apartment with his two best friends, and they were quite happy indeed. All three of them scrounged up every penny they could to pay for the place, living from paycheck to paycheck, but he wanted to do it with them. He would rather struggle with the people he loved most than sit comfortably in his family’s wealth alone.

He entered the living room to find Sirius laying face down on the couch, not moving. Remus was in the armchair next to him, hunched over his knees, hands over his eyes.

“Nice to see I’m not the only one who looks as shit as they feel” James announced to the room.

Sirius, face still in buried the couch, mumbled back “Speak for yourself, loverboy.”

James rolled his eyes and threw his gaze to Remus who leaned back in the chair and shrugged. James knew it was Remus who invited Lily last night, he knew they were still friends. He couldn’t blame Remus for inviting her, but it would feel a lot better if they wouldn’t then bring it up the next day.

He shook his head and made his way to the balcony, opening the door and stepping out into the refreshing cold. He brought a cigarette to his lips and flicked the lighter once, twice, three times. Why the fuck wasn’t it working? He heard the door open and close behind him, then Sirius lighting his own cigarette and tossing the lighter to James. Thankful, James lit his cigarette and took a long drag.

“How you fairing?” Sirius asked from beside James, looking out towards the city beyond.

James chuckled “I feel like I’ve been hit by a train but no worse than last time.”

Sirius smirked, now looking at James “I meant about seeing her, mate”

James would rather be anywhere else right now, with anyone else, talking about anything else. This is not what he wants to be confronting while trying not to throw up or pass out. He just shrugged. That is all he could manage to do.

Sirius nodded, understanding that he didn’t want to talk about it but there was more to talk about. New revelations were made at the party last night.

“Well uh… I have some great news, and some not so great news. Which would you like to hear first?” Sirius asked, taking another drag of his cigarette.

James groaned. Too early. Too hungover. Too emotionally drained for bad news. “The great news please.”

Sirius smiled. “Well, we have a gig tomorrow night at The Common Room. A couple bands were selected for a sort of festival for local bands and artists.” 

James’s mood instantly lifted. This was amazing news. They had amassed a good sized fan base who were very loyal and dedicated to The Marauders. When he performed, he really felt the rockstar live that they were chasing. Needless to say, the gig will be a success if they are able to reach other fan bases as well as their own.

“That’s great!” James exclaimed. He was ready to rehearse and prepare for the upcoming night. What could the bad news possibly be? “And… the other news?” He asked Sirius.

Sirius turned and took another drag of his cigarette, delaying the news. “We have the final slot, we’ll be the last band to perform.” He said. James was just waiting for the bad in that. That's actually great news. Headliners. 

“Ok?” James said, confused.

“There's a band going on right before us,” obviously, James thought. “And uh… it's a new girl group that Lily put together.” Sirius finally got out.

Oh… he was going to have to perform right after… Ok well, he wanted to be a professional didn’t he? Things like this happen all the time. He just, never expected that she would actually do it. They talked about it a few times but he never… he never took her seriously. Perhaps this is just another hobby that she wants to take up that she will inevitably get bored of like painting or knitting, she has a habit of that. Or maybe… she's doing this to get back at him in some way. Great. 

“Alright well, it’s fine. I’m just excited to headline. Right?” he said to Sirius who was relieved. James wasn’t a wreck or angry.

“Exactly mate.”

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

The boys were ready. They had practiced all day yesterday and today, not to mention all the gig experience they already had. Mind you, they were mostly used to bars or parties or the occasional opener for another small local band, nothing like this so far. 

They walked in through the backdoor entrance of the venue. The Common Room was on the older side, but a lot of people had performed here, it was sort of a local legendary spot. James was ecstatic. He remembered coming here with his parents when he was little to see live shows. He saw his first real concert here with Sirius and Remus when he was about 14. This place held so many memories for him, and he felt that it was quite a full circle moment.

They walked through the halls backstage to get to their dressing room. They opened the door and saw countless guitars and cases. Hair curlers and products scattered in front of the mirrors, makeup tossed everywhere, clothes strewn about the entire room. The boys looked around, but they were the only ones in there.

James found the one area that seemingly wasn't already taken. All the bands must be sharing the room. 

Sitting on one sofa in the back corner, the boys rolled a joint and started smoking it, their pre-gig ritual. 

Remus passed the joint to James and looked to Sirius. “Do you know the other groups performing tonight?” he asked

“No?” Sirius replied. “I don’t actually know everyone ya know. Just a lot of people.” then took the joint from James.

“I just mean,” Remus paused. “I don’t know if your brother is here or not.”

Sirius’s brother Regulus, was also in a band. Another quite popular local band. Their style was more indie and underground compared to The Marauders' bold rock style. The snakes, they were called, something that drove Sirius up a wall for some reason. Everything Regulus did affected him like that and vice versa. 

“He’s not.” Sirius said a bit too fast. Trying not to sound jealous.

“But Lily is here? Right?” James asked, trying to take the attention off of Sirius’s brother and maybe make him relax. Remus just nodded and looked to the floor.

“What are they like? I mean… would they even be good?” Sirius asked.

Remus sighed, feeling uncomfortable for being but in the middle of Lily and James. “They're pretty good I think, I mean they're here too right? Just like us.”

“I didn't know any of them sang. Lily is pretty good but Mary and Marlene? They don't strike me as singers.” Sirius said matter of factly. 

“They have a new girl with them. She’s the singer.” Remus replied.

A new girl? With them? Lily, Mary, and Marlene had been attached at the hip for as long as James could remember. That's why it was so hard to ask her out in the first place, he could never get a moment alone with her.

“She was at the party, I talked to her for a few minutes. She seems pretty cool, I just don't know what direction they are going to go.”

“I guess we’ll see.” Sirius said smugly, there was no chance that they were going to come close to The Marauders tonight.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

The boys decided to watch the other bands for a while in the wings. There was some great talent, and each group had a small following there at the venue. The boys already recognized some of their fans in the audience.

They were going to watch the rest of this band’s set, then make their way to start getting ready for their own. That was the plan anyway, until James couldn’t move. The current band finished and walked off after taking a bow. James just had to catch a glimpse of Lily’’s new band. He stood firm even when Remus was trying to pull him away, saying they needed to go.

The lights turned to a fluorescent pink and red, and some fans started cheering. James just needed that one look.

And there she was. Lily, Mary, and Marlene took their places on stage at their instruments, and following was… you. 

James had never seen a more confident and vibrant young woman. He had of course seen Lily, but something about you just screamed performer, entertainer, star. The whole vibe of the audience seemed to have shifted at your presence. All of you were wearing short black sparkly shorts with tights verrying in rippedness, and black Doc Martens. You all were uniform, except in the color of your bralettes; Marlene in black, Mary in pink, Lily in purple, and you in red. You all looked feminine but with an edge.

You waved to the crowd. “Hello Common Room” you drawled. The crowd cheered and screamed, waiting to hear your music. “I am so happy to be here and share our very first performance with you lovely people.” you were charming the crowd, almost unintentionally, but there they were waiting for what you would say next. “Before we begin, I’d like to introduce you to some of my friends. Here on guitar, we have the lovely Mary MacDonald!” The crowd cheered and Mary played a little to show off her skills. “Next we have Miss Lily Evans on bass!” again the crowd cheered and she too showed off a little. “Finally, this is the beautiful, the extraordinary, Marlene Mckinnon!” She too received a round of applause and showed her skills on the drums. “And I am Y/N and we are The Pixies!”

You went into your first song of the night and the crowd was loving it, they were dancing and enjoying the set. The same could be said for your second and third songs. You had the crowd going, the energy bouncing around the room. You changed to a ballad for your fourth song, showing off your vocal range.

Your fifth and final song’s intro started and you decided to work the crowd a bit more. They were seeming happy with your performance so far, so you decided it was time to poke a little. Have a little more fun on stage.

“Alright for this text one, I want to see all the girls, gays, and theys dancing and letting loose!” The crowd went wild. “And I wanna see all the boys go to the back of the room.” There was cheering mixed with some confusion. “I’m serious, I wanna make a dancefloor for all my friends so… shoo.” you said, determined. There was a lot of cheering and giggling while the crowd shuffled. “That is much better. This next one is called Red Wine Supernova, I hope you like it.” 

You stared walking and dancing around stage while singing;

She was a Playboy, Brigitte Bardot

She showed me things I didn't know

She did it right there, out on the deck

Put her canine teeth in the side of my neck

I'm in the hallway waitin' for ya

Mini skirt and my go-go boots (uh-huh)

I just want you to make a move

So slow down, sit down, it's new

I just wanna get to know ya

Guess I didn't quite think it through (nah-uh, girl)

Fell in love with the thought of you

Now I'm choked up, face down, burnt out

Baby, why don't you come over?

Red wine supernova, falling into me

(Let's pick it up now)

I don't care that you're a stoner

Red wine supernova, fall right into me

You walked up to Lily and started to sing with her and she would reply:

I like (I like) what you like (what you like)

Long hair (no bra) that's my type (that's right)

You just told me, want me to fuck you

Baby, I will 'cause I really want to

I just wanna get to know ya

Guess I didn't quite think it through (nah-uh, girl)

Fell in love with the thought of you

Now I'm choked up, face down, burnt out

Baby, why don't you come over?

Red wine supernova, falling into me

(Okay, y'all, let's pick it up now)

I don't care that you're a stoner

Red wine supernova, fall right into me

And now, You Mary, and Lily were all centerstage singing and dancing your hearts out:

Well, back at my house

I've got a California king

Okay, maybe it's a twin bed

And some roommates (don't worry, we're cool)

I heard you like magic

 I've got a wand and a rabbit

So baby, let's get freaky, get kinky

Let's make this bed get squeaky

Baby, why don't you come over?

Red wine supernova, falling into me

I don't care that you're a stoner

Red wine supernova, fall right into me

The applause that followed, you never would have imagined. This performance went off without a hitch, Mary rushed over to you bouncing up and down, saying how well you did and how proud of you she was. You four bowed and waved to the still cheering crowd and left the stage. You all immediately broke into conversation about how well it was, you lovely you all sounded, the atmosphere, mostly talking over each other and running from sentence to sentence, but you all felt like you just ran a marathon, there was so much electricity surrounding you.

The giggling and excitement lasted another few moments until you heard the last group enter the stage. They had just as much support as you if not more, there was a lot of screaming and cheering. You wanted to see what the deal was.

You made your way to the wing of the stage and peeked out to see three boys, taking the applause. They were what a typical boy band looked like to you; young, attractive, fit boys who played their instruments very well. You lingered, listening to them warm up on their instruments, showing off for the crowd. You definitely caught some girls in the crown blushing and flirting with their eyes. Who were these guys?

“Hello ladies and gentlemen, we are The Marauders.”

Let me know if you wish to be tagged in this one 💌

[cherriesformatt]

obvious || matt sturniolo

mattxfem!reader

summary: basically the requests

warnings: fluff

word count: 1,3k

a/n: I tried my best with that requests! Again I thought combining this two would be great I hope that is okay! I know it took a long time and also I am sorry if I am not writing your requests so often! If I am not that means I am either not comfortable with writing it or i already did it in some way before. Hope everyone is good! Thanks for 552 followers thats craaaaaaazy!!!

🍒

"I think you're drooling a little y/n" I heard and it made my look away from the ice.

"I do not know what you're talking about Nick" I mumbled and started to tie my skates.

Nick only rolled his eyes on me and sat down next to me already changed from his uniform. Nick was my best friend and he and his two triplets brothers were playing in the hockey team. Chris and Matt also were my friends but I met Nick first back in the elementary school. We kinda all sticked together and were in the same friends group ever since.

I was figure skating and my practice was right after theirs on the school ice ring. I always came early to change and look at them practice. Or well...look at Matt.

At the beginning of high school I developed a huge crush on him that apparently everyone and their mothers though is was so obvious. Not to Matt tho. He never did anything towards me to show he likes me more than a friend. I would never have balls to do it first especially if it had possibility of ruining our friendship.

"Please....when are you going to tell him? It's almost prom time... are you going to suffer again because he will be asked to go by someone else? And it is our last prom..."Nick said looking down at me.

I sighed and finished my skated and stood up from the bench. The stupid rule we had in this school was that girls were supposed to ask boys to prom.

"Nick... I had a very shitty day and I do not wish to speak about this now. I am going to warm up. Bye hope you guys had a good practice. I will see you later" I said and took my sweater of and put my AirPods in.

I skated away from him and started to warm up in the corner. I did runaway from this conversation because it was not on my list today. I had a very stressful day and it was about to get better because I could get lost in music and ice.

I was glad Chris did not came to great me because he probably would make his comments and made me nervous for Matt to hear them.

I looked at him wondering why he is still on ice. He looked mad and he was hitting puck after puck to the empty net.

There was no one else here now. Nick left and the other people too. I had my practice by myself today because my coach was sick.

"Hi..." I said skating closer to him and turning down my music.

"Oh...y/n hi. I am sorry I'm still here. I was going to ask you if it's fine for me to take one corner? I had a shitty practice and I wanna work on it" He said looking at me.

He was a good player. Furious but good. So I do not know where is this coming from.

" Sure...I do nit mind. Everything okay?"I asked looking at his blue eyes. Eyes that I could think about for hours.

"I just had a very shitty day and thats all" He said.

"Tell me about it...."I laughed because we usually had a very similar mood.

"Mondays, huh?" He smiled at me and I nodded.

I smiled and took one of AirPods out and offered to him.

"Wanna listen to my happy playlist?" I smiled and he took it and took his helmet off to put it in and put his helmet back on.

"Of course you have a happy playlist..."He shook his head at me and I smiled and pressed play.

We just started to do our things and just took little glances at each-other when the songs we both well knew started to play. And let me tell you. My happy playlist was a very dirty rap and trap playlist so seeing Matt laugh at that made my evening.

"You're impossible kid, you know?" He said skating to me while I just landed from my jump.

"I do not know what you're talking about" I smiled and fixed my dress.

"Here... I need to go but that was nice... thanks for sharing" He said and gave me back my AirPod.

"Hope it made you feel a little better" I said taking it back and he just smiled and fixed his hair. It made butterflies in my stomach go wild.

"Bye y/n.... the new dress looks great on you... I love how you're all white while I'm all black" He said just before getting out of the ring and walked to the lockers.

What the fuck.

He loved that we matched? Or whatever that was. I need to seat down.

I couldn't think straight anymore so I finished my practice and went to seat down. Just as I sat down I got massage from Chris.

And they were not meant for me.

Oh my god.

That means… He liked me back? And he knew all this time?

I felt like having panic attack when I grabbed my bag and rushed out of the ring.

In the moment of when I wanted to push the doors there opened and my eyes met his.

“y/n…. I” he started when our eyes locked.

"I thought you left..." I said. I did not know what to do with myself. I was nervous and relived and exited and felt like passing out in the same time.

My heart felt like it would jump out of my chest any minute.

"I was in the car...but then..this stupid motherfucker...I swear..."Matt said and I laughed nervously.

"You knew? You knew this all time that I liked you more than a friend?" I asked looking at him nervously hugging my bag.

"I honestly I did not....I overheard your conversation with Nick...and than I told him how I feel. Chris might be stupid but he was right....I was a coward for not telling you... but it so.. o.."

"Overwhelming and scary? I know..." I interrupted him.

"But I do....I do like you back... more than a friend. You have been nothing but my escape since the begging of the year and I cannot keep this to myself. Not anymore" He said.

All I wanted do now was just to finally kiss him. I do not know where I found the courage to do so but the moment I let go of my bag I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Perhaps we should thank Chris..."I quietly said before I closed the space between us with a sweet kiss.

He was surprised with my actions but he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me even closer.

"You do not know for how long I wanted to do that..."He whispered when we moved away.

"I actually do...." I said and smiled and brushed some hair away from his forehead.

"Let me walk you to your car?" He looked at me.

I nodded and he took my bag. When we got to my car he stole one more kiss from my lips.

"So...would you like to go out with me?"He asked.

"As..."

"As my girlfriend?" He finished my sentence and I couldn't believe this was real.

"Only if you go to prom with me as my boyfriend?" I asked nervously biting the inside of my cheek.

"Of course I will..." He smiled and I swear he blushed a little.

"Then yes from me as well....and Matt?"I smiled at him.

"Yes?"

"Do not yell at Chris... he did us a favor honestly for real" I laughed.

"I know, I know... I will try my best" He smiled and walked away to his car.

I think I sat in my car for good 15 minutes and just smiled to myself before I left home and had 30 minutes face time call with Nick about this evening.

When shitty day turned to be the best day of my life.

[hellodropbear]

like she used to (II)

alexia putellas x sister.

chapter I

~~~~~~

My fingers are dancing on the piano keys, the soft melody leaving my mouth in a quiet hum when Alba walks into my room that night. My mouth closes as the door opens, but my fingers are unstoppable, continuing to abuse the keys as I continue to play the song.

My hands rest on the last keys I pressed when I am done and I think Alba is crying, unless she suddenly has allergies. It is quiet for a few moments before she speaks.

"If you weren't so good at football I would try and convince you to do this forever."

She sighs, standing up and motioning for me to follow her as she laid on my bed. I move beside her, my head now resting on her shoulder.

"I remember when you first played the piano." She smiles, reminiscing on the fond memory. "You were three, you couldn't reach the pedals but you insisted that Papi taught you something. You made us all squish onto the sofa in his office so we could listen to you play and you gave us a very slow and broken version of La Vaca Lechera. It was terrible but Papi was so proud because you had only been playing for a month and could already play with both hands. He picked you up and claimed that you would be the greatest piano player to ever walk the planet. He would be so proud of his pequena superestrella."

"I wish I knew him." They're the only words I can bring myself to say.

"He was a very good man, I miss him a lot. He would have been so proud of Ale with all her football and so proud of you with it too. And your piano. Mami sometimes says to me that you are a mini him."

I realise she is avoiding herself, a habit she got herself into a few years ago, when I followed in Alexia's footsteps by securing my spot in La Masia. She used to be upset, it was unfair. Why had the football gene just skipped her?

"He would be proud of you as well, Alba."

She shrugs, I think she tries to blinks away tears but doesn't succeed because one lands on my head

"I hope so..." she pauses. "It is harder for me to imagine because I am not outstanding at anything like you and Alexia. I am just Alba which is ok but I just don't know what he would be proud of me for."

"There is no such thing as 'just Alba' because you are the best person I know. You don't need to play football for him to be proud of you. Do you realise you are the person we all go to when we need anything? When I am sad, Alba, when I am happy, Alba, when I want to laugh, Alba, when I want to cry, Alba. You are my answer for everything, hermana. That is better than any song on the piano or the biggest trophy there is to be won."

"You are so cute, I love you." She giggles quietly and wraps her arms around me. "Aitana called me earlier and I wanted to come over and make sure you are ok."

"What did she say?"

"Not much, she just asked if everything was ok between you and me and Ale. I didn't tell her the truth, if you were wondering."

"What did you say?"

"I just said that Alexia is struggling with her injuries and that you both are very busy. I don't think she really believed me. Either that or she knows there is something else going on."

I groaned. "She kept giving me looks as we were driving home and it was annoying."

"It's sweet, she's looking out for you." Alba smiles and ruffles my hair. "You are only a little baby to them. 15 is young, pequena!"

"Yeah, well it'd be nice if my own sister did that, wouldn't it." I snap back at her and she recoils slightly.

"You won't let me do anything about it, Elena, so don't get feisty with me! Alexia is complicated and I can't even get anything out of her." She rolls her eyes. Alba is sick of all of the tension. She has been for a while.

"I don't know what to say to her anymore. Does she even know that I was called up?"

"Mami said that she wasn't going to tell her because she wanted her to hear it from you."

"She had no problem telling me when Alexia got a new girlfriend." I'm petty about it, but sometimes I think I deserve to be.

"I cannot believe you still have not met Olga." Alba sighs, flopping back down onto my mattress. "She is very nice, I think you would like her." 

"I am good at getting out of things." I shrug my shoulders and Alba rolls her eyes again. "I don't want to meet her."

"You liked Jenni so much, maybe this could be the same?"

"I still talk to Jenni, on the phone. Maybe we should start an anti- Alexia Putellas club."

Alba groans and sits up, causing me to grunt in annoyance as my head is knocked onto the mattress.

"You know I don't like all of this venom between you two, so please just leave me out of it. I've had enough of you not telling me what the problem is, I am so, so sick of it. You used to be so close that I was jealous of your relationship and now all you do is complain about each other to me." She flops back onto my mattress in frustration.

"You don't understand, Alb, you don't understand what it is like for someone you idolise to practically forget your existence. She used to come to all my games and now she doesn't even know I was called up." She rolls her eyes as I move back to the piano stall, ignoring the way my voice cracked and my eyes sting with tears. 

"Mierda, Elena! How many times do I have to tell you? She has been so busy. I'm sure she has tried to get to them." Even Alba can't explain Alexia's absence. 

"Si, si, you have said that before but you can't understand because she never forgot about you. You didn't used to have an older sister who used to drive you to all of your trainings and games before she decided she was too busy for you and shoved you on the Barcelona busses at the age of 11!" My fingers begin to ghost the keys. Like I said to Aitana, the piano is a good outlet for my emotions. I am glad Mami let me put Papi's old piano into my room. I don't think she is glad when I wake her up in the dark hours of the morning playing loud songs.

"I have an older sister and a younger sister who used to be close and then fell out. I have a father who is dead and a busy mother. We were indestructible, Elena, but look at us now."

My left hand finds a chord and presses down on the four keys, calming my brain down.

"I am sorry that you are hurt by what has happened between Alexia and I, but I am so upset and I don't know what to do."

Alba's eyes softened but I looked down at the keys in front of me, sighing softly as she sat next to me.

"I'm sorry I can't help you more. I don't truly know what happened, but I just want things to go back to the way they were."

"I want that too." A tear found it's way from the back of my eyes but I wiped it away before it had a chance to fall down my cheek.

My fingers picked up another tune, familiarity gracing through my fingertips, the sounds floating around the room. Alba's head rests on my shoulder again and we both tell ourselves it will be ok. Alba likes when I play the piano because if she closes her eyes she can pretend it is our father.

"He was never as good as you are, hermanita."

~~~~~~

The rest of the training week went well. Better than well, but I was mainly just relieved that I wasn't a big disappointment.

The negative of my good performance is that I will be put on the team list. Jonatan pulled me aside after training today and told me I am on it and I thanked him with a smile, hiding my emotions.

I knew my sister was going to find out sooner or later. I'm honestly surprised it has taken her this long, it is not like she has been completely absent from the training grounds. Aitana seems to be the only one who has noticed that me and Alexia have not spoken, but she still has not got anything out of me.

I tell Mami to lock the doors and windows when the team list comes out because I don't want to face Alexia when she inevitably comes over and asks about it. She tells me to stop being ridiculous.

I manage to lock myself in my room when I hear her car coming up the driveway. As soon as she is in the house I climb out the window and walk to the bus stop. I don't want to deal with her tonight. I don't want to deal with her ever, to be honest.

The bus driver smiles at me as I tap on, heading to the back of the bus, no destination in mind. I am happy to just sit there as it drives through my home. My phone is unsurprisingly buzzing of the hook, full of congratulatory messages from friends and family and strangers and fans.

Aitana: *attachment: 1 file* very very proud of you! congrats little lena.

She had screenshotted the team list and put a big heart around my name and I think that might be what started to tears.

But before I knew i could see tears tracking down my face in my reflection as I stared out the window, my mind just wishing that things were normal. Wishing that I was at home celebrating with my family, excited to finally be on the same team as my older sister. I wish I wasn't crying on a bus trying to escape confrontation with my sister who I know will be disappointed that I am on her team.

But this is how it is.

I find myself getting off the bus outside the park near the training grounds, still not sure where I am going. I was considering heading in, practicing my shooting or going to the gym, although I expect they will be closed.

What I don't expect is to hear someone calling out to me.

"Pequena Putellas!" The voice is familiar and I recognise it almost immediately. "What is my little replacement doing out so late in the middle of Barcelona?"

Mapi reached me quickly despite the crutches that she doesn't seem to be relying on too heavily.

"Congratulations, replacement! First team sheet-" she stops when she sees my face. "oh."

"Hola Mapi." I put on a smile but it is a weak effort. "I'm just heading home."

"Si, this is about you and Ale, no?" I look at her curiously and she rolls her eyes. "You don't think I wouldn't have noticed? She is my best friend!"

"And that is why I can't talk to you! I have to go home because they will be looking for me." She rolls her eyes again.

"You are coming over to my house and we are talking about this like grown-ups because you are now a professional athlete. You are not a grown up but you have grown up since I saw you last pequena!" She smiles lightly and uses one arm to pull me into a hug. It is awkward with her crutches. "I have missed you so much." Her words are mumbled quietly into my hair, her arms warming me with comfort and nostalgia. 

Apparently, the new apartment Mapi has moved into with Ingrid is right across the road from the park so we walk back, Mapi getting increasingly frustrated as I become more and more reluctant.

"Maria, please just let me go home?"

She was adamant that she wanted to talk. I just think she wants to know what happened between me and Alexia but I can't tell her. She wouldn't understand. Nobody would understand because everyone would just think I'm being childish and petty. Maybe that's just what I am.

We stand in silence as the elevator takes us up the levels to the apartment.

"Ingrid is not home, she is out with Frido tonight so you do not have to talk to her."

I let out a quiet exhale in relief. Ingrid is nice enough from what I know of her in training but I don't want to have this unwanted conversation in front of anyone else.

Mapi and I used to be close. She was never my favourite but that is mainly because I saw her so often that the novelty of her had worn off quickly and I found myself gravitating away from her at trainings because, like Alexia, she was just always around.

But Mapi loved me like I was her little sister because she never had any of her own. She did a lot for me as a child and tried to pretend that she wasn't offended by my blatant favouritism of other players.

She sat down on the sofa in her living room as soon as she opened the door and I grabbed her crutches that she had thrown on the floor and stood them up against the wall.

"Thankyou, now sit here." She patted the seat beside her and I sat down, my arms crossed. "Do you want to tell me why you were crying alone in the middle of Barcelona, 45 minutes away from home?"

I shook my head.

"Will Mami be mad?" I hate the wobble in my voice.

"No, I texted her and told her you were with me and she said it is ok. She is not mad at you, pequena."

"I don't like being called that anymore." I slumped down in my seat.

"What do you want to be called?" I am surprised that she didn't ask why. I suppose it might be obvious.

"I usually just get called my name." I pause. "Elena."

She smiles lightly, though I can see the water in her eyes.

"I know your name. I know you very well, Lena, I have for a long time but I also know your sister very well and I know that there have been problems for a while now and I know that she is trying her very best to not make it obvious that it is ripping her up and you are doing a very bad job of hiding your sadness. Why did you not tell her you had been called up into the first team?"

I roll my eyes but choose not to respond.

"No, don't roll your eyes at me, peque- Elena. I understand something must have happened but it is big news that you neglected to tell her!"

"What is bigger news? Breaking up with your girlfriend or being called up as a replacement in a football team?"

She hesitated and I continued.

"Getting a new girlfriend or being called up as a replacement? Buying a dog or being called up as a replacement? Being told you are about to win the Ballon d'Or or being called up as a replacement? She told me nothing for so long so don't you dare try and tell me that I should tell her about my life when she does not care to tell me about hers!"

Mapi recoiled and I immediately felt guilty.

"Sorry."

"No, don't be sorry. What else has she done to make you upset?"

"No, Mapi, we're not doing this because you don't need to know about what my sister has done to me. I don't need a psychologist, I just need to grow out of being the pathetic and weak baby Putellas. The younger sister of La Reina who has not had to work hard because her pathway has already been paved and everything has been handed to her on a silver platter." My voice is bored, like I am in front of a class, presenting a boring speech that I have practiced in my bedroom for weeks. 

"Why do you say that? Where is this all coming from?" Her voice raises slightly and her arms wave about as she speaks.

"Because it is true, Maria, why else would things be the way they are? I don't deserve this, it's only been given to me because of my surname." My voice is clearly becoming more urgent and I try to calm myself down. It doesn't work. 

"Where are you getting this from? You need to stop making this stuff up in your head and telling it to yourself because it could not be further from the tr-" Mapi's voice was raised, only slightly, but I could hear the wobble in her voice.

"I am not telling myself this stuff, Alexia did! And Alexia is right, she always has been and she always will be. She is a football geek she knows everything."

Mapi pauses, her mouth opening like a goldfish and her eyes staring straight into mine for any hint of exaggeration or lies. She found none. I have never been a liar.

"She... she said that? To you?" Mapi was surprised. How could her best friend have said something like that to the little girl that meant the world to her? "Alexia said that to you?"

I regret my small outburst immediately; I didn't want to tell Mapi. My fingers begin to get restless, my heart racing, my gum held firmly between my teeth. It is in these moments that I would move to the piano and prepare myself to play a song. My fingers ghost imaginary keys by my side as I take a deep breath, preparing myself to beg and plead; to do whatever I need for Mapi to forget everything I just said. 

"No, you cannot say anything, Maria, this is all a lie, I am dramatic, I am making it all up. Please, just forget I said anything. Please." Tears began to slip out of my eyelids and the expression on my face can only be described as desperation.

"calma, calma. vale. I will forget everything and I will not tell anybody, as long as you don't want me to. But pequenita, it is not true, not true at all and you don't deserve for anybody at all to speak to you like that. You are talented, so talented that I am jealous of you, not your natural talents but your work ethic, Elena, your work ethic is admirable. You are so strong and you have worked for every single opportunity you have been offered and do not ever-" I look away from her.

"Look at me, Elena, look." I look towards her again and notice the water in her eyes.

"Do not ever let anybody tell you otherwise and if you do you call me up immediately and they will get a piece of my mind, si?"

I slump into Mapi's familiar arms and let out a small cry and she just squeezes me harder. I haven't ever told anyone that much of the conversation I had with Alexia - not even Alba - and to hear her best friend attempt to squash any of the worries I had about myself was refreshing. My fingers begin to ghost imaginary piano keys, preparing to begin playing a piece.

"Was this before or after you transferred to La Masia? That is around when she stopped going to your games, no?" Her voice was soft and I felt the need to answer.

"It was during the party that Mami held, when my spot at the academy was accepted. That was the reason why I started crying when I was talking to you. You probably don't even remember that, it was so long ago." I let out a dry chuckle and she rubbed her hand down my back.

"I remember. I remember thinking you were not telling me the truth but I had no idea what was wrong. You have been suffering in silence ever since?"

I don't want to nod my head because it feels dramatic to say that. 

"I told Alba only a little bit of it but nobody else knows. Please, please, please don't tell anybody. Not Mami, not Alexia, not anyone. Please." I looked up at her and she stared at me wordlessly for a few moments before exhaling softly.

"Elena..." She pauses again. "As much as I want to go and give your stupid sister a piece of my mind I will not but on the condition that you talk to Alba or your Mami or me or anyone about it, si? Even Alexia. Maybe she has forgotten. But she misses you, that much I can tell."

I nod, wordlessly making a promise that I know I can not keep. She seems to be satisfied though and changes the topic.

"vale, buena. It is too late to drive you home so you will stay here tonight and Ingrid and I will drive you to Johan tomorrow, si?"

I nod, I do not have a choice.

"Is there a piano in this apartment?"

~~~~~~

Mapi saying she had a piano is an overstatement, it is a keyboard with Norwegian inscriptions that was shoved into the corner of the unused study. Apparently Ingrid does not play the piano but has always wanted to learn.

But, I take the equipment for what it is and sit on the stall, flicking through the different sounds for a while before I find something I like. The office chair behind me squeaks as Mapi sits down but I ignore her presence as I place my fingers on the keyboard.

She would have noticed the release of tension in my shoulders when I sat down. She would have noticed the sigh of relief that I released as my fingers placed themselves on the keyboard.

The song starts out slow. Ludovico Einaudi is one of my favourite composers. His notes sing out from the keyboard speakers and soon they become faster and more intense. Nuvole Bianche is a pretty song, in my opinion, and I like to make up stories as I play it whenever I do. Sometimes I relate to the stories and other times I do not.

But the song builds and builds until a brief pause in the middle in which I hear Mapi sniffling and there is shuffling downstairs. Ingrid must have arrived home. The song picks back up quickly and before I know it the last few chords are ringing out through the room and Mapi has come to stand behind me and is rubbing her hand down my back.

"The last song you played me was un elefante se balanceaba and now you are playing this. You made us sing along and you went all the way to 50, we were in there for a long time. But now you have grown up. You are still so young but you have grown up now I am so proud of you."

I can hear the tears in her eyes so I stand up and pull her into a hug. I feel guilty, she is Alexia's best friend and I accidentally slipped what Alexia said which could potentially drive them apart. But I can't help but feel relieved, I feel comfort which is something I have been looking for for such a long time. Mapi used to be like a sister to me. I don't think I even realised how much I have missed her. 

"That song was so hard!"

She chuckles into the hug and I do too.

Maybe I deserve to feel like this every once in a while.

~~~~~~

hope you enjoyed x

chapter III

[unforth]

I had a day off yesterday.

And I can already practically hear the assumptions that such a statement is prompting the reader to make. Those assumptions are wrong. I don't mean I didn't work. I did, for about 8 hours. That's not at all what I mean.

I mean my wife took the kids out at 9:30, spent the night with her mom, isn't back yet the next morning.

There are things I NEED people on this website to understand about parenting. And I've talked about it before, and I'll talk about it again, because honestly the way that Tumblr as a cohort talks about parents makes me sick. Multiple polls have shown that only about 2% of people on here are parents. We're a huge minority, and we're constantly talked over, ignored, or accused of being bad parents (like, personally, I have had people reply to my comments or come on to my posts and tell me I shouldn't have my kids). In my case, being a parent means I'm almost 41, I'm married to @ramblingandpie, and our children are inching up on being 8 and 6 years old.

My entire day, and therefore my entire life, revolves around them. I'm up most mornings at 5 AM, because that's the earliest they're "allowed" to wake up, and so my brain just defaults to being awake around then - better to wake up before them, at least then I get a few minutes in the morning. Between 5 and 7, I sit with them, do my social media, work on side blogs, study Chinese. Then it's helping them get ready for school, then my wife or I or both get them on the bus, and then I work until the last possible minute, which is either when I need to go pick them up for an after school activity or when I need to go down and meet them off the bus. My afternoons are after school activities, chores such as washing the dishes and cleaning up toys, talking with them, working with them, playing with them. Their bedtime starts at 7:40, and my son gets scared if I leave before he falls asleep so I sit with him until about 8:15. As soon as he's asleep, I go fall on my face, sleep as best I can, then wake up and do it again. Overnight, it's hard to sleep deeply, because about once a week someone will wake up in the middle of the night and need help. That could be as minimal as a hug or as complex as having to completely change the bedding on a bunk bed at 2 AM while also comforting a child who is afraid they'll be in trouble, or afraid they're sick, or afraid of their nightmare, or, or, or. Further, if a child is awake, there is always noise. I usually study Chinese with two or more competing sources of noise. I read the same way. My life is loud, and active, and consists of constant interruptions.

I adore my family, and I love my children, but this is terrible for me.

I do all of this as an neurodivergent introvert. My clinical depression is at least medicated, mostly because post-partum depression after I gave birth the first time nearly drove me to suicidal in under a week (we were expecting this and were prepared, fortunately, getting help was as simple as a phone call). The constant noise and interruptions and forced socialibility are about the worst combination of home-life I could be subjected to. I spend far too many early mornings just breathing deeply and gearing myself up to be subjected to the wall of Loud, Boisterous, Needing-My-Attention that is every minute when anyone else in the house is awake.

So what did my day off look like?

I helped get the kids ready to go and did some morning chores. I'd been up at 4:30 AM so I also had already social media'd and studied. Then, while my wife finished the preparations, I started work, and I worked from about 8 am to about 4 pm, straight. I didn't get hungry so didn't bother stopping for lunch. No one interrupted me, no one asked me to look at anything they'd built, no one broke my concentration, no sounds could be heard except those I'd chosen myself.

I'd been out the day before at a local shopping street and listened closely to the things the kids said they wanted, so at 4 I grabbed a couple orders I needed to ship for work and drove to our local downtown, dropped the orders in a post box, then went back to the shops and did some Christmas shopping in the 45 minutes or so before everything closed. I think I'm basically done with what we'll get them - other bigger things will be left to grand parents - so that's a load off, I literally had a stress dream earlier this week about it being 12/24 and having forgotten to do the shopping and having to go to (oh horrors) the mall on the day before Christmas. (Reminder: I'm a Jewish atheist. It's just virtually impossible not to Holiday in the Culturally Christian Hellscape that is the US. Also, my wife is Christian. So.) Found something cute for my wife, too, even tho I already know the main thing I'm getting her. Then, I realized - one of my favorite restaurants is on that block. So. I went there. I sat by myself at a table, only the indistinct restaurant hubbub around me. I read four or five chapters of my book, and ate a savory crepe, and drank lovely fruit tea, and got a scone to-go that I'll eat for lunch today. It was more than I probably should have spent on myself - about $25, including tip - but fuck it. I only get maybe a handful of days off all year, and I'm allowed to indulge a little.

Then I came home. There were no lights on. There was no noise. I had considered doing some more merch work while watching TV on the actual television (my kids are too young for subtitled shows, so usually if I want to watch My Shows I either have to do it on my computer when they're not around, or put them on and read all the subtitles aloud while trying to keep up and process the actual meaning of what I'm reading). But when I got back, the quiet and dark was so goddamn NICE that instead I curled up on the couch and read more of my book. I did that until bedtime - still about 8:15, because I'm exhausted. Then...I went to bed. And I slept long and deep, knowing that there was no chance I'd be interrupted and woken up, I didn't have to be, even in sleep, alert to every noise and possibility that I'd be needed.

I'm still exhausted and burned out, but even one night to myself felt really, really nice.

Saying "Tumblr does X" as a universal statement is doomed to failure, but generally speaking, the parenting posts I see on Tumblr, the ones with tens or hundreds of thousands of notes, speak what's apparently widely seen as a truism on here: that unless someone wants to spend 24/7 with their kids, to be 100% emotionally available at all times, is always kind and patient and perfect, they are a bad parent, maybe even abusive. I remember when covid started, there were multiple posts actively mocking the "oh god, my kids are now home all the time, how am I supposed to do this?" attitude that a lot of parents posted in despair. WhY dId YoU hAvE kIdS iF yOu DoN't WaNt To SpEnD tImE wItH tHeM?

Look at what my usual day looks like.

Look at what my day off looked like.

Do you really think I don't want to spend time with my kids? Do you really think I don't love my kids?

But I'm not a fucking MACHINE. I'm a PERSON. That's what people on Tumblr seem to forget. PARENTS ARE PEOPLE. The same tumblrinas who post ~uwu be kind to yourself rest if you need to, you should forgive yourself for that mistake you made~ will turn around, with zero sense of irony, and post "you're a bad parent if you ever raise your voice around a child."

Expecting parents to be perfect means expecting parents to be inhuman. It also means that a parent can't be poor (can't spend all your time being the perfect parent if you have to work multiple jobs or weird hours!), can't be introverted (can't be a perfect parent if you're not completely emotional available, god forbid socializing is exhausting for you), can't be on the ADHD or autism spectrum (what do you mean you forgot to get your kid to a doctor's appointment once? what do you mean over-stimulation can make you angry? how dare you get angry at a kid!), can't be depressed (gotta get out of bed every single day, gotta always be upbeat, patient, happy, or else that's Evil), can't be (like my wife) physically disabled (what do you mean your hands hurt too much to hold a child's hand? are you denying them touch?? CRUEL). And when the only answer you can offer to that is, "if you can't be that perfect you shouldn't be a parent," then you're saying people who aren't middle class to wealthy, people who aren't neurotypical, people who aren't physically able, shouldn't have children.

And honestly...what the fuck is your problem?

I'm not perfect. I tell my kids to just leave me alone sometimes. I raise my voice, especially when one of my kids starts punching the other, but also sometimes just cause I'm exhausted and Can't Anymore. I've forgotten an appointment by accident and felt like a total fucking idiot, and I've skipped an after school activity because I just wasn't up for taking them. I've served them more unbalanced, unhealthy meals than I can count. I've made many, many mistakes, but I've also done my best, and I love my kids, and I hope that when they grow up, they'll still love me even as they recognize that I wasn't perfect, just as I've come to accept my own parents' short-comings while still loving them very much. They're people, too, and the older I get, the more I understand where they were coming from.

When I fuck up, I apologize.

When they tell me they're unhappy with something I've done, I apologize, and I try to do better. Sometimes I even succeed.

This shit is hard, yo. And it's getting harder every year.

I'm BEGGING Tumblr: you need to start seeing parents as people. The way y'all talk about parenting on here is toxic, and genuinely harmful, and frankly exhausting. You have no idea what the reality of raising kids is like, and you need to shut the entire fuck up.

I had a day off yesterday.

I might get one more before the end of 2023.

I already can't wait. I am so, so, so tired. sigh

(if you actually read this whole rant and even a single word of it resonated for you, please reblog it. I'm tired of never seeing positive posts about parenting while I see negative ones with a bajillion notes.)

[pookietv]

a secret | arthurtv

a request!! fluffy arthurtv having a crush on a singer that arthur hill knows!!

you weren't really sure how the last few months had played out: you had gone from a tiny artist doing covers and the occasional original song on your smaller youtube channel, to being thrust into a welcoming community with a viral video.

it was surreal, you thought, and you were convinced the support and exposure you had experienced couldn't get any better, you had been able to quit your job, and do what you loved.

that is, until you received an email, inviting you to be an opening act on a tour for arthur hill at his london shows. you had seen him on tiktok, heard some of his songs and seen some of his youtube videos, and he did look cool.

so it was an easy yes, you already lived in london, you wouldn't need to travel, the only thing you needed to do was get used to performing on stage.

so you began doing small shows in dive bars, mainly on friday nights filled with drunk people who paid little attention anyways, so you could mess up all you liked, so it became routine.

performing as normal, in the abnormally warm room, the lights slightly pinkish in the cramped bar, it was unusual to hear your name from the crowd, so when you heard a slight gasp and a "wait, you're right, it is y/n," your head did turn slightly, but with the large crowd talking between eachother, drinks in everyones hands in a sea of people, you couldn't make out anyone in particular.

once you had come off the make-shift stage area, placing your guitar neatly in it's case, you felt a slight tap on your shoulder, turning your head to be met by arthur, a smile on his face.

"y/n! didn't know you came here," he said happily, looking at you expectantly.

"oh! hi arthur, yeah, just trying to get used to performing more, so i do a couple shows a week, what about you, what are you up to?" you said nicely, giving him a small smile in return, looking around the room slightly.

"oh, i'm just here with some of my friends, it's kinda close to our apartments so we figured we'd come just to see what it was like," he paused, turning around to point to three boys stood near the bar, "come over, i'll introduce you, they'll no doubt be at the show so you'll probably see them there too," he nodded over to them, and you followed him, with him chatting away about how excited for the show he was.

"so this is y/n! this is george, chris, and arthur, two of us so a little confusing," arthur hill grinned a little as he pointed to each one in succession.

"it's nice to meet you all! i've seen you a little in videos," you smiled towards them, looking slightly at the other arthur, who was timidly holding a pint of beer and looking at me with a mildly awkward smile.

"its nice to meet you in person! i feel like your songs are always playing in our flat between the two arthurs, it's all they bloody queue," chris smiled, and you giggled a little.

you shrugged with a small grin, "well, i am sorry if you're a little sick of my voice then," you joked, and george shrugged it off with a casual, "no, no, it sounds good!"

"i think arthur got me into your music more than anyone else," arthur hill said nonchalantly.

"oh?" you turned my head towards the other arthur, curiously, looking at him for a moment, and observing how nicely the shade of green of his jumper looked on him, whilst arthur hill began sharing some story with george and chris.

"oh, um, yeah! watched you on youtube for a while, even when you were just, like, doing covers," he smiled broadly.

"oh, that's really cool! i feel like not a lot of people knew me when i was doing covers," you said softly, and he just shrugged a little.

"were you going to stay for a drink?" arthur asked, and it became your turn to shrug. he was quite nice to look at, and that prospect made you slightly nervous.

"i mean, i wasn't planning on it, but i suppose a drink could do me some good," you giggled, and he nodded.

"i'll get you a drink, what do you drink?" he asked, and you tilted your head a little.

"oh, no, you don't have to get me one! i can get one, honestly," you said, but he shook his head with a genial look on his face, a knowing smile on his face making his eyes crinkle slightly.

"no, no, it's fine, please let me get you one?" he said, already sauntering his way to the bar as you followed a few paces behind him.

"okay, well, um, thank you..! i drink anything really, i'll just have whatever you're having," you smiled, and he nodded, ordering two pints of beer.

once the bartender had poured the drinks, you and arthur kept chatting whilst walking back to the rest of the group, who were still in discussion, and arthur seemed to pay it no notice, still speaking to you.

"i do really love your covers, by the way... you're easily one of my favourite singers," he spoke, and a small spread of blush graced your cheeks.

"that's really sweet of you, thank you," you murmured, a little shy before taking a sip of your drink and looking up to him, "so, you do youtube as well right? what kinds of videos?"

"oh, i dabble in a little of everything, in all honesty - i mainly do commentary on like reality tv, so things like ninety day fiance, if you know that? but i do a lot with others, too, reaction content, stuff like that," he explained, and you nodded along, smiling as he spoke about it.

"that seems really cool! i always thought i would love to vlog maybe, if my life got more interesting, y'know?" you joked with a slight giggle, "i don't really do much at the moment, i mean i sing, i write songs, i read a little... not too much, pretty boring."

arthur grinned a little and shook his head, "i don't think you're boring, i think you could definitely make interesting content in that sense,"

"i mean maybe, i don't know, maybe if i ever toured or something, that would be a cool thing to vlog," you looked up for a moment, as if you were rolling the idea around your head. "anyway, i should probably go soon, even though i'd love to stay and chat longer, but i gotta catch the last tube home," you nodded to him as your glass was finally empty, giving him a small apologetic smile.

"its no worries! i suppose i'll see you next saturday, right?" he asked - the day of the concert, and you nodded.

"yeah, of course!" you beamed, and turned to arthur hill and tapped his shoulder slightly, "sorry to interrupt the conversation! i was just gonna say bye, gotta catch the last tube home, but it was lovely to meet you all, and hopefully i'll see you on saturday?" you looked between the boys with a smile, and they nodded, all saying their goodbyes, and giving them slight hugs.

as you left, guitar case on your back and giving them a wave, before opening the door, george turned to arthur and grinned, "so, how's the not so secret youtube crush?" he teased, and arthur's face went red.

"yeah, we figured we'd leave you to it, seemed like you were in the zone," arthur hill chimed in and chris laughed at arthur's eyes rolling.

"she's... just very nice, that's all!" he poorly defended himself.

when saturday had rolled around, you were nervous, without sugarcoating anything.

luckily, you had nothing to be nervous about - your opening went great, the crowd was lovely, and the second your set was over, the rush of adrenaline was palpable as you came off stage, and couldn't hold back a toothy smile, wishing arthur hill good luck before he went on.

you watched eagerly from backstage, wanting to cool down a little and not wanting to jump straight into the crowd.

"you did great," you heard from behind you, and turned to see arthur.

"oh! thank you, i'm so glad i didn't flop or anything," you joked a little, giving him a small smile.

"you looked really good too, really, y'know, pretty," he grinned, "overall, a great performance,"

your cheeks turned slightly red at that compliment, shyly nodding a little as he laughed a little at you, though it was endearingly.

"can i trust you with a secret?" he smirked a little, and you tilted your head slightly.

"and what makes you want to tell me a secret?" you giggled back.

"'cause i reckon you can keep my secret," he retorted, "i've sort of had a fanboy crush on you for a while, y'know, from watching your youtube. you're as nice off camera as you are on." he smiled a little awkwardly, turning to look at you for a moment.

your eyes widened a little, your cheeks only burning more as he grinned at you still.

"oh? well, um, y'know... you're also, quite attractive," you practically babbled out, giggling a little nervously and he nodded in return. "nice eyes, and stuff,"

he laughed a little at your awkward attempt, and you rolled your eyes at him as he grinned, `"and stuff?" he teased, and you pushed his shoulder slightly.

"oh, shut up, you,"

[badaleesbish]

Toxic ° 2 | Bada Lee x Reader

°SUMMARY:

" 𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚘𝚡𝚒𝚌."

" 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚊 𝚍𝚊𝚖𝚗 𝚍𝚛𝚞𝚐, 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚡𝚒𝚌."

~ 𝙺𝚎𝚑𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚒 - 𝚃𝚘𝚡𝚒𝚌

°CW:

𝚝𝚘𝚡𝚒𝚌 𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙, ���𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚜𝚎𝚜 𝚒𝚝, 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚜 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚝𝚘 𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊, 𝙳𝙸𝙳 𝙽𝙾𝚃 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙾𝙵 𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙳‼️ 𝚂𝙾𝚁𝚁𝚈 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝙼𝙸𝚂𝚃𝙰𝙺𝙴𝚂‼️

"Where the fuck are you going?"

"Bada, don't start your shit with our child here."

Bada turns towards the small girl who is sitting on the floor playing with her dolls and bends down to her level.

"Baby girl, will you go to your room so Mommy and I can talk?"

"Okay, but hurry, I want to go see Aunt Tatter."

"Okay, sweet girl, it will be quick."

You and Bada watched as your daughter skipped off to her room, but once she was out of sight, Bada started her shit once again.

"So Imma ask you again. Where the fuck are you going?"

"Out."

"Dressed like that?"

You placed the finishing touches on your makeup and outfit of choice as Bada stood there waiting for a response to her question. You stood up from your vanity, gathering your belongings, and headed towards your bedroom door, but Bada stepped in your way, causing you to damn near run into her chest.

"Bada, please move. I don't want to fight."

"I don't want to fight either. I just don't want you to go out dressed like that."

"Bada, she'll be here soon. Just let me say bye to my baby."

As you tried to step around Bada to walk out of the room, Bada grabbed your arm, pulling you back towards her, bringing you close to her chest. The grip around your arm tightened as you tried to pull away from her.

"Bada.... let go of me. You're hurting me."

"Who is she?"

"My date, Bada."

Bada clenched her cheek, hearing those words come from your mouth. She didn't like it. It pissed her off. You are hers. No one else can have you and treat you the way she can.

"You're not going."

"Yes, I am. Now, let me go."

"No... you can't do this to me. Baby, please. I need you."

"NO, I'M NOT FALLING FOR YOUR SHIT ANYMORE, BADA LEE! NOW, LET! ME! GO!"

"Baby..."

As Bada began to speak, a small voice calling out stopped her, dropping your arm as she turned to see the face of her daughter appearing with tears streaming down her little face.

"Mama..."

"Oh, baby, don't cry."

"Why are you and Mommy being mean to each other?"

Your heart began to break as you watched your daughter cry her little eyes out. You walked over picking up your daughter as she cried into your neck. You looked Bada, shaking your head at her actions that caused this whole thing, her anger. Bada stood there with tears in her eyes as she was completely shocked at her own actions and that she made her daughter cry.

"Bada... I think it's time for you to leave."

"My love... I'm so..."

"Just stop, Bada. Leave. Now."

As Bada walked out of your bedroom towards the front door. She could hear your daughter calling out her. Bada gripped the door knob as tears fell from her eyes, leaning her body against the door. As much as she wanted to turn back and try to pick up all the broken pieces of the family picture that had been picked up and put back together over and over again, she couldn't at least not right now.

"MAMA... MAMA..."

Bada opened the front door of your apartment, slamming it behind her, causing the family picture on the wall to crash to the floor.

"I can't sit around and watch you love someone else. I feel like I'm in the way of what you really want."

"Aiki, where is this coming from? I've only been with you in the past month."

"Tell me the truth..."

"I am! I don't know what more you want, Aiki."

Aiki pulled two pregnancy tests from her pocket and shoved them into your face. Your eyes widened as the tests were pushed into your face. There was nothing for you to say. You made this bed, and now you have to lay in it.

"So you're pregnant. You've been sleeping with her."

"Aiki..."

"I am so sick of picking up the fucking pieces after that bitch shatters your heart over and over again."

"Aiki, I'm sorry."

"That's all you have to say... 'Sorry'. Like it's going to fix this shit."

"Baby, please. I was just lonely, and she came over... everything happened so fast."

"So what? You fuck her every time she shows up at your door."

"No..."

"You know what, I'm done. I'm not about to be your second option to a bitch that breaks you down any chance she fucking gets."

Aiki threw the test down and began to gather all her belongings around your apartment as you follow behind her.

"Aiki, this isn't fair."

"What's not fair? You're getting what you want, right?"

"No, because I want you. That moment meant nothing to me, and I regret it."

"I don't believe you. You're just going to go right back to her every time. Love, you can't have your cake and eat it too."

"Aiki, please don't do this to me."

"Goodbye, love."

Aiki placed a peck onto your forehead before walking towards the door, but you grabbed her arm to pull her back to you. Gripping onto her shirt as your tears soaked her shirt. As much as it pains her, Aiki removed your hands from her body and walked out the door as your sobs grew heavier.

You knew everything Aiki said was true. It's like Bada had this grip on you. Her poisonous fangs were sink into you more and more, and you need her poison to survive in a way. You can't love anyone else, have anyone. She is the one. The only one.

You sat on the couch of your quiet apartment, staring at the blank television in front of you as tears rolled down your cheeks. You couldn't even sob anymore only allow the tears to fall in silence. A light knock at your door knocked you from the silence trance like state you were in. You shuffled to your feet, slowly walking towards the door opened to see the face of the person that hurt you the most but you loved the most.

"Hey..."

"Hi..."

You stepped aside, allowing Bada to walk into your apartment. Without utter a single word, Bada wrapped her arms around your body, pulling you into her warm embrace as you began to break down in the arms of your ex lover. Bada placed light pecks on the top of your head as she tried to keep her cry silence.

"I'm so sorry, my love. So so so sorry."

As you sobbed her arms, you felt yourself growing angry. She is the reason you are this way. She is the reason why Aiki left. She is the reason you can't love. She is the reason you can't leave. She is the reason for everything.

You pushed Bada away causing her to stumble back a bit. You wanted to hurt like she hurt you, crush her heart like she crushed yours. Your fist pound against her chest as you looked her through the tears in your eyes.

"You did this to me."

"I can't have anyone because of you."

"And I hate you for that."

"I hate you, Bada Lee."

Every blow to Bada's chest made her stumble as you took your anger and rage out on her. Every word broke Bada's heart, the fact that she caused you this much pain and didn't stop. Just kept shattering your heart knowing that every time she left you, she took a piece of your heart with her.

"I hate you for making me love you so much, Bada Lee."

"Why couldn't you just love me, Bada Lee?"

"Why?"

As you lifted your fist to strike Bada once more, she grabbed you wrist stopping you before the impact. Bada brought your hands to her lips placing kisses along your knuckles as you try to pull away. Bada pulled you towards the couch and released your wrist, allowing you the sit down as she sat next to you with her head in her hands. She ran her hands over her face, wiping away her tears as she took a deep breath before speaking.

"I know that there is nothing that I can say that would fix this mess that I caused."

"I just want to know why. Why did you leave me? Why did you cheat on me? Why couldn't you love me as much as I loved you?"

"There's no excuse for the cheating or leaving you, but I have always loved you. Never stopped loving you."

"Well... what was that shit earlier today? You have never done something like that to me as long as we have been together. Honestly, it kinda scared me."

"I was so angry that there was someone else giving you the love and affection that I should have been giving you. Like someone was in my spot. I am so sorry for putting my hands on you, hurting you, and scaring you and our babygirl. I am so sorry."

You sat there listening as Bada's pleads her case, taking in this moment. This is something that was really needed. Some type of closure on your very toxic relationship with Bada. Even though you didn't get the reason behind the cheating, you were just glad that Bada was finally realizing that pain that she has caused the family the two of you created together.

"Again, I know there is nothing that I can say to fix this, but I need my family back. You keep me sane."

"We need you here with us, but how will I ever trust you again?"

"We can start over from the beginning of our relationship, and I'll keep my distance until you're ready to move forward."

"Okay, but I have something to tell you, and I hope it doesn't scare you off again."

You shifted uncomfortably on the couch, positioning your body to face Bada. You opened your mouth to speak but hesitated, glance fell into your lap as you began to fidget with your fingers. Bada gently placed her hand over yours, her thumb grazed over the palm of your hand. You glanced up to Bada as she gave you a warm smile.

"You can tell me, baby. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here. Forever."

You placing your hand into Bada's, interlocking your hands with one another before taking a deep breath to speak.

"Well... I'm pregnant and it's yours. I haven't been with anyone else, sexually anyways."

A smile creeped onto Bada's lips as she leaned in, placing a kiss upon your lips.

"I guess I have three babies to take care of now."

"I guess so. I love you, Bada."

"I love you too, my love."

That's all you wanted to hear from Bada.

She LOVES you.

She meant it this time.

That's all Bada wanted.

Her family back.

She meant it this time.

A/N:

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝙸 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚌 𝚜𝚘 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚐𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚍𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚜. 𝙸 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚒𝚝 𝚝𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝙵𝚄𝙲𝙺𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙴𝚅𝙴𝚁 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚗𝚘𝚠. 𝙷𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢𝚎𝚍! 💙

[undercover-marshmallow]

For a few moments, all Adam could do was stare numbly as the crimson liquid traced a thin line down the side of his finger, forming small droplets on the edge of his knuckle.

Was that... blood? his brain wondered. 

Not knowing what else to do, he licked it. Yep, definitely blood. But whose blood? Where did it come from? He was the only one in the kitchen, and he would have noticed if someone had started to bleed all over him.

So where did it...

The realisation hit him like a hammer to the gut. He felt his legs give way under him and next thing he knew he was on the floor, his bleeding finger still held up as if he was pointing an accusation at the sky.

Red blood. He knew what that meant. Everyone did. Angels' blood was golden, hellspawn bled black, and red was for - red was for - 

'Demons'. The word echoed through his mind like a wicked laugh. 

Adam suddenly felt old.

Just how many millennia had it been since Eden? Could he even remember? He scrunched up his eyes tight in concentration but he knew it was useless. He'd given up counting long ago. 

How many of those years had been spent killing, he wondered. How many lives had ended at the edge of his blade? How much blood had he spilled? Sinners' blood. Red blood. Red like his.

He was one of them now. The first human, the once-proud leader of one of the mightiest  forces in Heaven, was now just another cursed soul in a land bursting with them.

"Dammit!" he yelled, slamming a fist into the side of the counter he was sitting against.

The counter shook, there was a hum of something rolling across the top, and then with a thud it landed neatly in Adam's lap. It was a single, bright red apple.

Adam felt a smile begin to creep across his face and then, unable to help himself, he burst out laughing.

"Oh I see, is that how it is?" he said to the empty room.

With a grunt he pushed himself back up to his feet and waved the apple to the sky.

"Let me guess," he said, still laughing so hard his sides were beginning to hurt. "This is another one of your tests, huh?" 

He was in absolute hysterics now, the tears streaming down his cheeks and blurring his vision.

"Just another test, right? This is some cryptic vision, or prophecy of the future, or... or part of your big, cosmic plan, that totally exists."

The laughter died down as suddenly as it arrived. In its place came anger, an anger so hot that it threatened to burn Adam from the inside out. 

"Well you know what?" he hissed. "I am done playing your stupid fucking games."

He glared up at the ceiling, as if his anger was enough to pierce the heavens above.

"I did everything you asked, didn't I? I followed your rules, I looked after the garden, I did what you told me to."

A dam had been burst and now there was no stopping the words that raged out Adam's mouth. 

"And don't bring up that fucking tree, you manipulative piece of shit. You knew we'd eat it eventually, didn't you? You don't dangle something like that in front of your kids and expect them not to try. No, you knew exactly what you were doing!"

He hurled the apple he was still holding against the wall as hard as he could, and grunted in satisfaction as it exploded in a pulpy mess.

"Oh but that wasn't enough for you was it, you sick freak? You then had to go and act all high and mighty, like you hadn't planned all of this from the beginning. You took everything from me, do you hear? Fucking everything!

"You took Lilith, you took Eve, you took our home, you even took my fucking kids! What else could you possibly want with me, huh? What else do I have to lose before it's enough?"

Silence.

"Well?" he yelled. "What's the matter? You too scared to even look me in the eye, you chickenshit?"

Silence.

"Answer me, you coward!"

Silence.

Adam fell to his knees once more and buried his head in his hands. Before long, the sound of muffled sobs could be heard through his fingers.

"Please," he begged. "Please, just tell me what you want. That's all I'm asking. Just tell me what I have to do."

Silence.

---------------------------------------------------

Inspired by this comic by @rius-cave

[kurosstuff]

RED STRING OF FATE WITH LUTE PLS LOVELY-

🙏🙏🙏

Jk- you don’t gotta if you aren’t able to do it

omf YES- omf twist(like we talked abour-)

making it a bit short since- idk what else to add I hope you like it-!!

Lute x demon!reader: soul mate au

Warning(s): adam- so he talks about his dick(implied?), Don't think really any other then that

You couldn't help but curse Charlie for making you send this letter to these pesky angels. APPARENTLY you have to find some annoying(Charlie's words surprisingly) Man. Adam, the first man. Grumbling, you froze, glancing at the once dimmed red string spring to live a soft sting entering the rope interlocking with your ring finger.

A crude reminder of the dream you wished when alive. Finding a soul mate. Your soul mate but. Never once has it actually been this bright. This beaming light. Snorting at the sick joke. Of course, hell would be playing a sick joke like that. Walking to the tower, you glanced at the paper, the name written exactly who to give this to - entering something odd happened.

The string burned. Yanking you to the room.

Singaling your soul mate is near. Your forever mate. Is near. A dry laugh escaped your throat. What a joke. Entering the room There's no way in hell your soul mate is here-

Your tail flickered in thought before an annoyance flush crept up your face. Staring at the exorcist before your finger burned, looking down at your hand, you watched as the rope burned, going into a straight line to her instead of limp like usual. As if yelling that your mate is her.

Guess this explains why your string never acted up until now. Your soul mates an angel

Oh how cruel the irony is.

-

The more Adam talked, the more drained you got. Does this first man ever talk about anything else other than being the original dick haver? Apparently not. Grumbling, you glanced at the woman beside him- where your string was connected to her - humming in thought

How cruel of am irony that you. A demons soul mate is an angel. And any type of angel, either. An executioner. Who? Treat demons like animals to slaughter - not much different from some demons you knew of- humming you crossed your arms glancing over her mask how to changed depending on how she *felt* what she said- God. Her voice

Blinking, you barely even noticed how Charlie entered the room - just so focused on the masked woman you're bound to. Not even as the meeting began. You just stared in deep thought, humming softly. Before? Your face heated up as she took her mask off-

Hearing her name for the first time from that crude angels lips. How did he manage to get into heaven anyways-? Your thoughts of the matter went away when you locked eyes with her- that cold almost uninterested look but - you could have sworn? Is that a hint of curiosity in her eyes?

Staring at Lute as she spoke- your heart beat faster. Feeling warm all over as if her speaking(which was so fucking hot?) Seemed to relax you- put you in some odd sense of warmth and security. You hummed softly- the red string glowing even more brightly filling your whole hand as if to convey your true feelings for one another-

Before that, Adam guy started to sing - you internally groaned. Is Hell and Heaven just some musical? Blocking him out until she began to sing- humming, you didn't even care of the crude words she spoke of your kind - never mattered in the slightest to you anyways given your a demon-

But damn. Her voice? Was the single most gorgeous thing you've ever heard- staring at her. You ignored how Charlie grabbed your arm on instinct as the executioners came close - Lute came so close to your face - it took everything in you to not lean in as well

"-All vile sinners Like yourself should be slaughtered- can't wait to kill you" she snarled in your face- but that did nothing to change your views. Your heart beat faster as you came to a single conclusion

Your fucked.

[dusty-siltstrider]

Alright I'm properly boozed and decently numbed. I promised to bitch excessively on here if our boy became a name on a missing poster. Here the fuck I am.

For reference I'm focusing on Viktor and Jayce here. More than enough has been said about everyone else. Y'all ate good. Let us starve in peace. Lots of this comes from lengthy discussions on the Viktor Nation disc.

To start - no, Viktor does not appear in the new trailer. I'm sorry, he just doesn't. Not even a voice line which should have been pretty fucking easy. Over at Viktor Nation we spent nearly an hour going over the trailer frame by frame brightening shit to see if he shows. He does not. No, not even a far-off shot of his arm. We got more Viktor in the teaser from two months ago than the official trailer.

However...

100% Glorious Evolved. Fingerprints around their faces match what appears to be Viktor face-grabbing that Shimmer addict from the teaser trailer. Similar rune carvings. This is his cult. Which uhh right off the bat is much different from any other interpretations?

Basically confirms they're going all-in on runic magic for Viktor and largely veering away from classic Machine Herald. Which I have feelings about. That will be reserved for the season itself once we see it play out.

And before any smartasses come in with "lol at least you got a shot of his feet" jokes those definitely aren't his. Just one of the random cultists floating judging by the angling. And Viktor's would be full grape Fanta. The silvery/gold texture is interesting. Some kind of manipulation of metal through magic?

Don't even.

Also been seeing a lot on the shadowy golden-eyed figure and we figured that's near-certainly not him either.

Looks sick, I'll admit. I kinda hope it's him, in fact. Most likely not him. Face shape is slightly too squared off, ears stick out too far, yes I went in deep on skull shape for this and I'm at least 75% sure that ain't him. And Viktor's magical influence/Hexcore spookiness has been defined by purple sinews and more organic forms than this more fantastical shadow tendril thing. This seems to be a new force entirely.

I won't discount it outright since Viktor's eyes are indeed associated with gold/amber but for all I know this could be Mel. Eye socket shape/nose does vaguely match. And Viktor's eyes would likely lean more towards a purple voidy glow in S2 if they're going all-in on the Hex Core.

Possible Jayce cameo? Very obviously meant to be his wristband gem, maybe somehow got fused with his skin. The grip on the object appears heavy so it's not Viktor's cane/staff. Could very well be the Viktor/Jayce confrontation since if you squint there might a robed figure standing in front of that weird fuckin magic doodad.

Speaking of...

Saw a pretty interesting post from @nylloth saying this could be Viktor's "hospital" or maybe some kind of Glorious Evolved temple. It does resemble the fucked up glowing sinewy appearance of the Hex Core so perhaps some kind of hallucination or vision that Viktor is having of his potential. Would love to hear more thoughts on that though. It's very obviously related to "the Arcane" as a broader more mysterious force.

Wanted to be angrier here but I'm honestly just disappointed. Which is ass because pit fighter Vi and Ekko and revolutionary Jinx are all things I'm genuinely looking forward to but I can't rally it. I'm very glad everyone else ate good though. Does indeed look sick and I'm still excited. Pit fighter Vi especially. Holy fuck. But I'm just too bummed out about Viktor, call that dramatic or childish but idc it's how it is.

Be stingy about appearances and character designs but it could not have been difficult to include a single voice line. Don't even bother including it in the show, get a couple trailer-only lines or a "Glorious Evolution" or SOMETHING. Don't give me that "well their fates are still ambiguous" No they aren't lmao they just aren't. By this point everyone knows Jayce and Vik live and 50/50 on Mel.

If Viktor had not appeared in that teaser TWO MONTHS ago for like 2 seconds then it would be reasonable to assume he got erased from the show entirely lol. We have a shot of his arm to go off of until we hopefully get a proper Viktor poster. Cool. Nice arm.

That is all. For now. Please refrain from discussing leaks. I don't need any more temptation.

[kazumist]

EPISODE 14 ♡ I LOVE YOU TO THE BONE

HOW YOU GET THE GIRL — A SCARAMOUCHE SMAU

masterlist / prev ep / next ep / angsty stuff ahead!

cw: drinking, alcohol, a few profanities here and there. wc: 1023.

“so?”

kazuha settles down at the table where his miserable and dear friend is brooding. “i just don't get it," his friend says.

“i’m right here, kazuha.” 

“how's your heart at this point?” kazuha asks him. “same old. would it be cheesy to say broken?”

“if that's the best term you think would describe it, then no, it isn't cheesy.”

kunikuzushi pours himself another shot and takes it down in one gulp. he isn't going to last anytime soon, kazuha thinks. “you know what the funny part is? even if i want or try to get mad at them for being selfish, i just can't. i can't do it, kazuha.”

“what am i if not theirs?”

and just in time, “the man who can't be moved” by the script started playing. how perfect for kunikuzushi’s situation.

“a huge and miserable idiot, that's what you are," kazuha replies, pouring himself a shot as well. kunikuzushi lets out a weak laugh at his response, “well, i can't certainly deny that.”

“it's okay to be selfish every once in a while, kuni. you should raise your pride higher again.” 

“i’d rather lose my pride than lose them in my life.”

“you're really stubborn; did you know that?” oh, he knew that very well. 

“you know, if the pain is starting to become more heavy than the joy, then you should let go. you're always the miserable one, kuni. the fact that you're already hesitating already says a lot about what your mind is trying to tell you.”

when those words left kazuha’s lips, kunikuzushi thought it was a nice idea to drink four consecutive shots. “i’m not taking care of you if you get drunk, idiot.”

“just take me home after.” another shot.

not too long after that, kunikuzushi was drunk.

-

when you got a text from kazuha saying that he had a gift for you, you didn't expect to see a drunk and sobbing kunikuzushi by your doorstep.

you wanted to see kunikuzushi, sure, but not in this state. definitely not in the state where he's continuously apologizing for not being enough for you to stay.

“love, come home to me. let's go home.” 

you felt like crying too, because, as much as you also wanted to go home with him, you couldn't even dare step a foot inside the front porch to kuni’s heart.

“fuck you, kazuha.” you cursed at him.

“take care of him, (name); after all, you made him get into this state.”

“kazuha, who are you talking to?” kuni asks.

“that's lyney, kuni.”

before kunikuzushi could even curse at him, kazuha already left and started up his car again. and now you were left with a drunk kuni thinking you were lyney.

“let's get you to bed, kuni.”

“fuck you, lyney. if you hadn't given them heizou’s contact, then this wouldn't have happened. i would've been the one who was with them by that tree.”

you were stunned. you didn't know he saw you two back then.

“lyney, just tell heizou to take care of them," he says again, completely convinced that he was talking to his friend and not his ex.

“tell him that they're not really a big fan of chocolates or flowers, and that they prefer quality time and physical affection over gifts. tell him that they get cold easily, that they're not a huge fan of horror, and that they're prone to sickness if their health isn't maintained.”

“just tell him to take care of them, yeah? because i won't be the one who's going to do those things anymore.”

you managed to pull kunikuzushi into your room, but you still didn't say a word. you wanted to hear what else he had to say.

“you know, i kinda wish those alternative universes were real,” he started again. “because maybe, in another universe, we would've gotten our happy ending.” you couldn't help but let the tears sting.

“it hurts, lyney. and it's unfair. whenever i feel down, if i just see them okay, then i’ll also be alright. if i had to choose where i’d go home, i would always choose to go home to them. i’m getting tired already. is this still leading anywhere?”

“why can't they just let me love them? why do they have to run away? what are they so afraid of? i know i have my own flaws too, lyney, but i’ll be willing to catch them if anything goes wrong with us.”

you finally decided to speak up. “pretend that you're talking to (name) right now; what would you say?”

“(name)?” he repeats.

“i love you, (name). i know you'd never say it back, but i love you all the same. i love you even if you push me away. i love you even if you become too much to handle. i love you even if i’m not sure if you'll ever love me back again. i love you to the bone, (name). maybe i'm still seeking something we could never have again, or maybe i’m still choosing to give you the love that you won't ever accept, but even so, i love you," he says, a sob coming in every now and then.

“in another life, i’d be your lover, and i hope you'd be mine too, even if it's not in this life if you're not ready yet. i love you so fucking much.”

“and i just want you to love me back.”

“but i’m getting tired, (name). i’m sorry if my love wasn't enough to make you stay, but now that you're happy with someone else, i have no choice but to be happy for you. he’ll get to do the things i wanted to do with you, and you'll be happy with him, and i’ll watch. because i have no other choice.”

“i love you, (name), but i can't do this anymore.”

with tear-stained cheeks, kunikuzushi fell asleep on your bed. giving him one last kiss on the forehead, you pulled the covers on him. and you cried yourself to sleep on the sofa soon after.

“i’m sorry, kuni. i’m here. i’ll come home to you now.”

extra notes.

yeah so that happened. crazy ikr haha

i told u all things were gna get messy

link to the smau playlist is here !! would reco to listen while reading

taglist (open): @yinyinggie @blue-b3rries @ryuryuryuyurboat @your-local-reblogging-kazoo @lilikags @haliyamori @diorlumx @mamafly @zuunotsane @iloveosamuu @featuredtofu @kana-de@xiaoderrrr @f1orent1ne @alhaitie @yelleloww @brain-r0tt @jamieexistss @danfelions @e0nssadrift @lovemari @kunikissr @chluuvr @lazy-sanns @lxkeeeee @swivy123 @sketcheeee @quacking-simp @tiredslepz @vxcmx @kichiy0shi @yingofthemoon @feiherp @sicut-sol @mayuumine @xiaosoneandonly @xtobefreex @bananasquash @im-the-ruler-here @hiraethhv @yumiaur @oughhhhmamamia @beriiov @cindywasneverhere @klanxii @fangygf @draclula @aromaticism @shotosjupiter @lyzisbitchingagain @lovelykrystal @riraaya @aether-darling @kochothehoe

[beddybites]

hi bite :D I just binged your tiny 21 trio tag (I’ve been on a 21 trio craze recently) and I love them so much. If you have any concepts or cute little head cannons for them I’d love to hear them. They’re just perfect😭🫶🏼 I adore your art sm

awhh hello!!! thank you thank you, this is so kind!!!

hmmm... concepts/headcanons... i do have a bunch! I've posted some in the past so i may accidentally repeat myself a bit haha

also, apologies in advance-- a lot of these are going to be centered on obanai, since he's my favorite among the three..... unfortunately i am biased :(

sanemi can't stand the heat, and he warms up really easily. he's also really picky about his textures and he gets really worked up if he's wearing something he deems bad

a lot of the time he's just left in a shirt and a diaper. he just needs a lot of skin showing otherwise he feels constricted

obanai is the opposite--- he needs to be warm at all times. he shivers like a leaf if he's wearing anything that isn't long sleeves and will wail his little heart out if he's cold

giyuu always has his blanket. big or little brained he always has his blanket with him. he hides under it a lot, whether it be to avoid everyone else or just to take a nap

when sanemi cries he is so god damn loud. he shrieks and screams and will kick and throw things; he just doesn't know what to do with himself...

again, obanai is the opposite to sanemi in that he's a silent crier, and he even muffles his little wails with his mittens or by burying himself against someone :(

giyuu and sanemi have an easier time falling asleep compared to obanai. someone has to sit with him to make sure he falls asleep and stays asleep--

otherwise he'll pretend he fell asleep or try to get himself out of his crib

they all have nightmares. all of them.

sometimes they have to sleep separately Or Else

tengen's favorite baby to take care of is, surprisingly, obanai. he likes getting to hold him and coddle him and he always really looks forward to feeding the little guy from his bottle or rocking him to sleep

sanemi was originally his favorite, but then big brained sanemi threw mushed up carrots and rice in his hair, and it took days for tengen to properly clean himself up

giyuu is the only one who is obedient when it comes to food, so long as he gets to feed himself

sanemi is a nightmare. he makes a huge mess every time. he loves playing with his food and trying to feed others (specifically genya) handfuls of said food. he will giggle like a lunatic as he covers himself and his loved ones in food

again since obanai is so small and weak he has to nurse from a bottle which is a nightmare when he's big and small

when he's little brained its a lot easier but he'll still get sick on himself sometimes :( he has a sensitive tummy

baby giyuu LOVES bath time. he would sit there for hours if he could. he has lots of bath toys and goes splash splash

all three of them are obedient with gyomei and kagaya. otherwise at least one of them is being difficult for one reason or another

big brain obanai hates touch but baby brain obanai loves cuddles... it's another way to keep him warm

he also likes to be swaddled

the babies do arts and crafts sometimes and its always a disaster

kaburamaru gets paint and glitter on him and obanai freaks out

sanemi and giyuu try to eat the paint then both start coughing and spitting and losing their minds

mitsuri and tengen teach them how to be more gentle and careful and such and they learn how to finger paint

obanai always paints a snake

mitsuri keeps every single piece and hangs them up around her estate

muichiro helps them make tiny paper planes

obviously they're babies and they can't actually make it but muichiro helps them and lets them think they did it

uhhh thats all i can think of right now, sorry!! i hope this will suffice :,D sorry for taking so long to respond!!