#like i actually could not tell u what the last few chapters were even about

[rojekte]

how long exactly has the silver eve arc been going on in wha? maybe it's just because i happened to read and catch up with the manga when it was starting (i believe ch49 was the latest release when i had caught up tho it didn't have an eng tl yet) and therefore this just so happens to be the arc i've had to wait for monthly updates on but,,, man,,,,, feels like we've been here forever

like i love wha dearly but most chapters feel like we're not really going anywhere? not that every chapter has to specifically drive the plot forward - and there have been some very special moments to me in this arc. for the record, i know that This Particular latest chapter was just a character focus on utowin bc shirahama was,, busy? didn't feel well? one of the two i don't remember. so i do get that and im not saying anything against this specific chapter. just more of an overall feeling ive been getting month after month

it's very possible that once this part of the story concludes i'll be able to go back and read thru it all at once and think it's amazing but rn i've just.... not really been all that excited for new chapters

[midwestprincesss]

how did it end?

part 1 || patrick zweig x fem!reader

"you cannot love somebody into loving you"

summary: your relationship with patrick has been on and off for ages. you knew him and he knew you. you love him but he only loves you when he can get something out of it. but then, can that even be considered love?

a/n(READ THIS BITCH): random ass specific fact about the reader but she is skincare obsessed like me. acne prone girlies yk what im talking about. btw I KNOW PATRICK DOESN'T GO TO STANFORD BUT WE WILL PRETEND HE SPENDS A LOT OF TIME THERE OK. also this series will only continue if u guys give me feedback. and hype me up. cause i have no motivation. patrick girlies help me i know ur out there💪 also this first chapter is like. they're friends but pining. no angst yet oopsie

2004, stanford college.

being in love with patrick was difficult. really, really fucking difficult. it was almost like you had to put in an effort to be in love with him. nevertheless, you didn't. to you it just felt easy. you wish you could get rid of the feeling, but it doesn't seem to want to go away.

patrick zweig could be very easily described in one word: player. and by that i don't only mean tennis player.

but he was easy to love, too. if we ignore all the mixed signals he always gave you, he's actually a sweet guy.

he remembers your coffee order. he listens to your problems. he calls you to check up on you. and he takes care of you while you're out partying. and after that. and in the morning. he holds your hair and rubs your back as you puke out whatever the fuck you drank last night. he gives you his clothes. out of all the girls he knows, he gives you his clothes.

this was one of those times.

saturday morning.

you woke up with a horrible headache and with a certain curly-haired boy next to you. you try to remember what happened last night, but you give up after about three minutes of staring at the ceiling in silence. who cares, really? at least you woke up in your bed, and not on a random bench outside. not that patrick would ever let that happen.

he has the key to your dorm. he spent most of his days with you, so you figured it would be totally fine for him to have it.

you rub your eyes sleepily as you look to your left- patrick was not sleeping either.

"morning." he said, simply. you groaned in response.

"glad you asked, and you're welcome." he said sarcastically. "you got fucking wasted, like usual. i had to carry you from the party. not that you couldn't walk, but you just insisted on it. when we finally got here you threw up all over yourself. and then in the toilet, like three times, i think."

your eyes widened in disgust. you looked down at your clothes, expecting to find a now vomit-stained white dress on. to your surprise, you were wearing a dark green tee - you remember you've seen it on patrick once- and a pair of uncomfortably large boxers. you're surprised they didn't fall off while you were sleeping.

"patrick." you said, terrified. "please tell me i took my makeup off before sleeping. or at least washed my face." patrick sighed. 'blah blah blah i have sensitive skin blah blah blah i'll break out if i sleep with my makeup on' you always told him, whenever he was sleeping over.

"you didn't." he said. then went quiet for a few seconds, but just for his own amusement. he thought you looked cute when you were worried. but worried was not a big enough word for the look on your face- you were more like, mortified, maybe? so he decided to stop joking around. "i took your makeup off. i couldn't find those circular white thingies you do it with so i used a towel-"

you cut him off with a laugh. you could actually kiss him. maybe you shouldn't, though. your breath smelled like actual shit. looking to your right, at the nightstand next to your side of the bed, you noticed your earrings and necklace and rings arranged neatly next to eachother and you swore you felt your heart flutter.

you knew patrick cared about you, but you didn't think he would be so attentive. usually, you don't get so drunk, so you can actually do what you need to do by yourself. even then, he insists he should do it for you. but you always refused him, partly because you didn't want to bother him but you were also pretty convinced he would not do things properly. he proved you wrong.

"for how long have you been awake?" you ask him.

"i'm not sure whether i even slept. you kept talking on your sleep. and tossing. and turning. and stealing the blanket. i think you even slapped me once-" he started laughing as you started muttering apologies, but he immediately told you not to worry about it.

you sighed, then you both went silent. you examined his face- he really did seem tired- droopy eyes, dark eyebags, eyelids partially closed. but still smirking at you. no one and nothing could ever wipe that shit-eating grin off his face.

"you look cute." he broke the silence, letting his thumb linger on your cheek.

"i feel like shit." you snickered, hiding your face in your hands but he immediately pulled them away, kissing your knuckles.

that took you by surprise. sure, you and patrick were affectionate with eachother, but this felt way more intimate than usual. what was going on with him?

suddenly, you looked at the time. 10:30 am. you were late for breakfast. like, really late. you figured there wouldn't be anything left in the cafeteria by now.

"shit. we'll have to starve until lunch, patrick" you told him, a hint of irony in your voice.

"don't worry, i'll go get us something from the supermarket." he said as he got up, pulling a grey hoodie over his head. he took his keys and wallet then looked down lovingly at you as you still rested on the bed. "call me if you need anything else" he said , kissing your forehead then leaving. leaving your dorm, but also leaving you swooning over him.

you were in it for good.

[boyfhee]

UNKISS ⋆ nrk

prompt · “you're so dumb” insert fond smile requested

g · bittersweet / fluff warnings · kissing, profanities wc · 0.9k

note · hi lily i hope u like this :< pls take care of urself, yeah? i luv u, and thanks to @flwrshee and @dokiyeom for beta reading + helping me with the ending. i asked both of them for advice and used neither's 😆☝️ go follow them

riki follows you closely behind as you rush down from the hallways to the middle of the football ground for some reason, anger spilling around with every step you take. “riki, what the fuck? what the actual fuck? how could y— why did you do that?” 

“relax, it was just a kiss,” and his voice is calm, like it’s just a kiss, just a moment where his lips touched yours, like it’s an everyday thing, as if you’re making a big deal out of it by making it sound like he just committed a crime. you don’t know why or how he’s so normal about this while you feel every nerve in your body go off with sirens. 

“my first kiss,” you turn around hastily, your index finger pointed at him as he takes a step back to avoid crashing into you. “it was my first kiss, riki, and you took it. you, and you’re not even my boyfriend,” 

is this supposed to be a secret? yes. are you in the middle of the football ground throwing a tantrum like a five year old, for the world to know? also yes, and you couldn’t care less, actually. the fact that riki took your first kiss easily tops your list of concerns at the moment. 

“i am,” he blinks, as if he’s stating a fact, hands on his waist like he’s making a completely valid point. “a fake one, but i am still your boyfriend,” you roll your eyes, scoffing at his oh so true words before shooting him a glare. 

“that doesn’t even make sense. i thought i made it clear when i said ‘no kissing,’ at the beginning of this fake dating thing,” there were three rules, actually— no kissing, none of you are allowed to go on dates with someone else, this is a secret which means, none of you are allowed to breathe a word about this to anyone, not even your best friends. 

“well, what do you expect me to do when your friends dare me to kiss you?” another factual information falls off his lips, it’s actually true this time. truth and dare with friends— never a good option, especially when you’re playing with your fake boyfriend and when your friends are spawns of the devil. 

“i don’t know, you should’ve made an excuse to not kiss me, or you could’ve pretended to kiss me, you know, since this is all about pretending,” right, all about pretending, from pretending to date, to pretending to like each other, fake smiles and fake words of affirmations, fake sweet nothings whispered and fake claims of being in love— it’s all about pretending and riki, he isn’t enjoying this little play at all.

he doesn’t like that every i love you that leaves his mouth manages to convince the world but you. he hates that at the end of the day, every second spent with him is simply tagged as ‘fake dating’ under the chapters named after him in your life. riki despises the fact that no matter how true his feelings are, in your eyes, they’re just an act pulled by him to convince people he doesn’t care about, and he hates himself for not being able to tell you how he actually feels. 

“eh, what’s done is done. besides, it can’t be that bad to kiss me,” so, he just picks up pieces of you from the smiles and hugs you give him here and there, hoping that there will be a day when you will actually consider turning whatever you two have into something more serious, something real.  

you feel your cheeks heat up at his words as you turn around to face away from him. truthfully, the kiss wasn’t half bad. it only lasted for a few seconds, but the ghost of his lips still lingers over yours as if you’re the home they’ve been looking for. you can still taste faint flavour of strawberry from the strawberry milk he had during the game. the moment replays at the back of your head like a movie, one that makes your heart beat relentlessly everytime you think about it. you don’t even know why your mind keeps travelling back to it every now and then. 

“whatever, ‘ki, first kisses are important to me,” you like the fact that he hasn’t noticed your flustered face, he likes the little name you’ve given him unknowingly. “i wish we could just…unkiss or something,” 

“that isn’t even a thing,” he chuckles, earning another glare from you in return. “you’re so dumb,” your words make no sense, but riki can feel himself smiling fondly at your stupid thoughts, his eyes fixed on you while yours are staring at the horizon with slight annoyance. what you said is baseless, but the next second, he’s actually considering it; to unkiss, if that’s even a thing— he can make it a thing, perhaps,

the next thing you know, riki is cupping your face to make you look at him, and before you could say something, his lips are on yours again, catching you by surprise as he pulls you a little closer. you swear your heart might’ve just skipped several beats, another second passes as you process the situation, and riki pulls away the very next moment. “there, i returned your first kiss back to you,” 

and all it took riki is a kiss to find his way to your head, and an unkiss to find his way to your heart.

[momotorin]

heard u were down for fluff asks i’m craaavvving mina content like maybe a silly snowball fight and she’s so quiet and reserved but so determined to best your ass after u throw one at her

crystal flowers

fluff | childhood friend!mina x fem!reader | as always, MEN DNI!!!!!

i'm very festive about winter (i haven't even touched snow ffs)

it's christmas break. finally, you could unclench every single muscle in your academically tired and worn body; laying flat on your best friend's penguin printed sheets.

"hey," she nudges at you, hands still steady on her controller, playing the last few chapters of zelda. (which she probably finished over the course of the semester, but she's doing it because she wants to know the other plotlines.) "move, what the hell, dude!"

"are you seriously dude-ing me right now?" you raised an eyebrow, and you scoffed, finally moving your body away from the surface of the bed to sit down. "i can't believe you."

not a single response from her. just a bunch of clicking, more clicking, and a sigh.

you pout beside her, like the little mini pincher on her lap, your adoptive child, ray-chan.

mina glares at you, one that was full of happiness as she breaks into a laugh. "what?"

"nothing," you nudged at her. "done with your game?"

"you bet," she sighs, pressing the start button to exit the game completely. "it's extra chilly today, don't you think?"

"yeah," you let out a little 'brr..' as you rubbed on your hoodie clad arms. "hot choco could be really good right now..."

mina laughs, "tell that to my mom," she says, laying on the bed, facing you. ray follows shortly after, snuggling between the space of the two of you. mina happily pets him, "i think he's bored, y/n."

"probably," you let out a little snort as you pet him as well. "he probably got bored seeing you do your little game instead of paying attention to him," you cupped ray's cheeks. "didn't you?"

"i think you're the bored one here," mina laughs. "anyways, there's a snow advisory. we can't bring him out either, you know, since he's quite..."

"yeah, i know," you sighed, petting the golden fur of ray. "but can we?"

mina smiles, lips tight and eyes closed as she stretches her legs. "park?"

"definitely," you smiled, sitting up now. "i'll buy the hot choco."

"fair enough," mina breathed as she stood up. "i'll get taiyaki then."

hours later, after a thousand nudges at mina and her controller, you squeal in joy, finally standing up and kissing ray goodbye for a while.

mina let the snowfall pass, so that you're left with leaps of snow in the park.

you sighed, the white fog coming out of your mouth.

mina looks at you, quite concerned, "what are you sighing about, pretty?"

"pretty?" you repeat, in disbelief that mina said it as a compliment. "you're trying to get me to buy the taiyaki too, don't you?"

mina blushes under her knitted scarf, "n-no," she stutters, watching the steps of her boots leave traces on the snow covered pavement. "it's just that, you're actually extra pretty today."

"quite the sweet talker, aren't you, minari?" you jokingly wrap an arm around her shoulders, almost bringing her down to your height.

you two arrived at the park shortly after. the stalls, the playground, and some kids making snow angels on the pavement; it was all too familiar with you two.

"let's go," you held mina's hand, going to the hot choco stand. "can i get two large ones please?" you asked, handing over a bill, still not letting go of mina's hand.

you two went to your favourite seat, covered in white, probably wet snow.

mina laughs as she wipes away the snow, trying to salvage her convenience of seating. "oh well," she sighs, not finding any luck. "can't believe we're standing up."

"you've been sitting for like 12+ hours in front of your nintendo switch rig, dude, even nature doesn't want you to sit anymore," you joked, blowing on your hot chocolate, cooling it down a little before it meets your tongue. "anyways, mina, mama invited you and your parents to come over at christmas eve. she's been planning a little exchange gift thing with your mom, i think."

"oh!" mina suddenly exclaimed. "mama told me about that too," she remembered. "she asked me to help her finish knitting some scarves. i think it's for your mom."

"that's so cute." you commented.

"what, you want one too?"

"of cou-" you cut yourself off mid sentence. "yeah! of course! are you going to make it for me, minari?"

mina shrugged her shoulders, "not a big deal, actually," she smiles. she's so fucking cute holding the cup on her hands with her penguin mittens on, you say at the back of your mind, the awe reflecting on your face, and mina laughs at it, "in one condition."

"what is it?"

"buy me the mclaren f1 tecnic lego set."

"mina!" you exclaimed, kicking a small dollop of snow to her. "i am generous, but i'm not a jesus type of generous. try something a little... in my budget. i could buy you one, yes, but like wow i could never with that set."

"what do you mean you could never?! your allowance is literally like... 10,000 yen more than mine. you can do it." she fakes her encouragement, trying to get you on your good side to buy the set.

"look, you have your dad. you have your mom. heck, you even have kai-san," you sighed, trying to block her request. (you actually got the set already, but you want to give it on christmas so no spoilers!) "i don't want to be like... your sugar mommy or something."

mina laughs, "i mean, you look like one all the time, why den-"

"shut up." you nudge at her as you finish your cup of hot chocolate. you two went to the nearby trash bin to dispose of both of your cups, and went back to the playground.

"well, it's good that no one's on the swing." she mentioned.

"i don't think the kids would appreciate having wet asses," you laughed, looking at your shoes. you remember, the snow was quite thick, and you pulled mina to the little valley of snow that formed on one of the slides. you form a ball, a small one, round, and threw it at her. "merry ch-"

"no." mina threw a much bigger, more scattered snowball at you, hitting your face almost.

"i'm still not getting you the set," you threw one back, and you saw mina making a bigger one. "oh-"

you run away, trying to find another dollop of snow in the park to form into a ball and throw at mina.

she hits you, directly at the back, making you slow down a bit, "you're getting me that!"

you threw one back, one of the same size, but you didn't expect that mina had a bigger one she was holding onto as she had her hand placed on her back.

you two ran around the park for a good 10 minutes, having pointless fights with snowballs. (mina argues that it could be snow triangles, snow rhombuses, or simply just snow because she just wanted to throw some at you.)

you finally settle down in the middle of the park, feeling the snow around you, not the pavement, and mina was above, attempting to throw another snowball on your face.

"stop, please," you smiled at her. "let's just... lay down, okay?"

mina gives up the moment she sees you smile. she puts the pile of snow just beside your ear, and she lays down beside you.

you reach out for her hand, like you always do, and you feel a drop of snow lay crystals on your cheek.

and it begins, the parade of a thousand pearls as you close your eyes, just feeling the snow go and whip all over your body.

mina admired you as the snow fell. at how your nose crinkles the moment snow hits the tip of your nose, how red your ears got, how your grip got tighter, and how you closed your eyes to feel.

fuck it, she says to herself, as she pulls you to her, removing her penguin mittens to fully cup your cheek, and kissing you.

you jolt your eyes open, melting into mina's touch, as the snow falls on you two.

mina pulls away, breath staggering in both anticipation and anxiety.

you smiled at her, putting your hand on the side of her waist, pulling it closer. "do you really mean it, minari?"

"i d-"

you pulled her into a kiss, once more leaving her breathless as you shared it under the snow. mina laughs, breaking the kiss, laying her forehead against yours.

the snow falls, and it fills mina's senses— the coldness, the warmth, the redness, and the sight of you looking at her with the love she's been looking for in everything.

[phoxey]

The White Raven (Bada Lee Gang AU)

Gang!Bada Lee x fem!reader

CW: Gang activities. lil bit of angst, a hetero kiss (ew)

AN: this got a bit long, but istg i never wrote a chapter this fast, i kinda love this chapter and im so proud, hope u will enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it!

Chapter 4

Chapter 5 – You owe me double, Bada Lee.

“You are saving my day again.”, Bada grinned.

You winked. “I like being your hero, Bada.”

A week later you were in your room, standing in front of your mirror. Surprisingly you still fit into your black satin dress, that your mom had bought you after you left the courthouse on the last day of the trial, when you were cleared of all charges.

It was the party dress that you had always worn when you were going clubbing a few years ago. Back when you first met Shin Seonwoo.

You heard the doorbell ring and your mom open the door. A few minutes later Bada knocked on your door and opened the door to your room. Immediately she froze.

“Too much? Be honest…”, you said and spun around for her to look at your outfit.

You were sure you heard her mumble a curse word under her breath then.

“You look… Appropriate for a club.”, she said and pressed her lips together.

“You gotta learn how to compliment a lady, Bada.”, you chuckled and stepped closer to her, tidying up the blazer that she was wearing.

Suddenly your door opened again and your brother stood in the frame. He was only sixteen but as tall as Bada, and he tried to seem even taller and broader than he actually was, which made you giggle. He had an almost angry facial expression, as he approached Bada and got up into her face.

“You better treat my sister right, or else.”, he said, trying to sound intimidating.

Bada smirked. “Or else what, little boy?”

You broke out in laughter, as your brother became smaller and smaller under Bada’s stare.

“Don’t worry, we are just friends and going clubbing.”, you said and wrapped your arm around Bada.

Your brother nodded. “Please be safe, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, you little idiot. You go study now please.”, you said and ruffled his hair before kissing his forehead.

“Your brother is cute.”, Bada chuckled.

“Ask him out then.”, you pouted.

She shook her head. “His older sister is cuter.”

You blushed a little, as you two walked out the apartment and to Bada’s car. Gentlemanly, she opened the door for you to get in.

“Your family is nice.”, Bada smiled fondly.

“Yeah. I love my mom and my brother.”

“They love you too, I can tell.”

You watched her. Some would see her as relaxed, since Bada was just driving with one hand. The other one was resting on her thigh, but you could see nervous fingers tapping. So, you took it gently.

“Bada.”

“Hm?”

“Relax.”

Before you could ask, why she was nervous, she pulled over and looked at you.

“So here is the plan. Or rather the part of the plan that concerns you. You go inside and talk to Seonwoo. Distract him. He usually goes to check his office, every 30 minutes. Make him forget about it. Buy us time. We will be as fast as possible. I will text you when we are done, you find some excuse to leave and you meet me here again, I will be waiting.”

You nodded slowly. “Okay. I will do my best.”

Bada smiled at you. “I know you will, my little hero.”

You winked at her before getting out. She drove away as you walked into the club. The music was loud and heavy, the people sweaty and you could smell the sheer amount of alcohol that was being consumed by the guests.

You looked around and put on your red lipstick. Game time.

Finding Shin Seonwoo wasn’t hard. He was lounging in the VIP area with three other women and a few of his bodyguards. You know what you had to do. You positioned yourself strategically on the dancefloor, so he could see you but it wasn’t obviously intentional.

It worked smoothly. After ten minutes of dancing, you could feel his eyes on you, and after another ten you saw him talk to one of his girls. She stood up and with the brightest fake smile she came over to you. She had black hair and a black lipstick, her curves were hugged by an expensive black dress. You briefly thought that she must be a famous actress. That’s how attractive that woman was.

“Hi, darling.”, she said into your ear, wrapping her arms around your neck. “Alone today?”

You smirked. “Sadly. I just wanted to have some fun.”

She bit her lip. “I can take you to meet someone fun.”

“I would love that.”

She took your hand and walked with you over to the VIP. Shin Seonwoo was manspreading on his couch, two girls on either side. He smelled like cigars and leather. He was terribly thin and grey. Looking almost like a mouse in a very ugly purple suit. A gold tooth shimmered when he smiled.

“You caught my eye, beautiful.”, he grinned.

“You seem to have a good taste.”, you said, giving him a sly smirk, while nodding to the other women next to him.

“Oh, I like you already.”, he said and licked his dry lips.

He made one of the girls move so you could sit next to him. You sweettalked him here and there, but mostly he was talking about himself and his (limited) success in life. At some point his arm wrapped around you, his fingers digging into your waist. A shiver of disgust went down your spine and you felt the need to immediately shower, as he started caressing you.

When he talked to the other girl briefly, your phone buzzed and you quickly checked it.

Bada: [Keep him busy some more, we ran into some… impediment…]

You sighed at that.

You: [When you are done just call me and pretend to be my boyfriend.]

Despite being disgusted you leaned into Seonwoo’s embrace. Your eyes kept going back and forth between his boney face and the clock that hang on the wall. The time was passing in an unforgiving pace. You could feel him getting nervous. His answers getting shorter. He wanted to stand up a few times, but you lulled him into another talk over and over.

“I know you probably have a crush on me but I really need to go do my job for a moment.”, he said, mildly pissed.

You panicked internally. “I want to kiss you, babe.”, you pouted.

The women looked shocked at you. None of them would voluntarily kiss Shin Seonwoo, the human form of a sewer rat. They were just with him for the chance to socially climb within the underground world of Seoul, trying to impress Shin Seonwoo’s high-ranking guests, not Shin Seonwoo himself.

Slowly Shin Seonwoo sank back into the couch, not taking his eyes off you. You gulped hard but hoped that he didn’t notice. You begged Bada would call you now, so you wouldn’t have to go through with what you said. But your phone was still and thus Seonwoo’s crusty lips were on yours.

He was a terrible kisser. It seemed more like he wanted to eat your face, not really kiss you. But you played along. With hands on his cheeks, you tried to guide him and slow him down, but he only took it as an invite to touch you was well, so he grasped your hips and pulled you close.

Just when he was about to slip his tongue into your mouth, your phone finally rang. Panting you pulled away and grabbed your phone. Finally. Bada.

You smiled apologetically at Seonwoo and picked it up.

“Yes babe?”, You said sweetly into your phone.

Bada tried to make her voice sound as deep and manly as possible. “Where are you?”

“Babyyyyy…”, you pouted. “I’m at the club, I wanted some fun…”

“Fun? What do you mean fun?”, Bada asked.

“You know… dancing… meeting new people…”

Seonwoo grinned at that.

“You come home immediately!”

“Home why?”, you whined and gave Seonwoo doe eyes.

“Now.”

“Okay, baby…”, you said and put your phone away.

You went over and fixed Seonwoo’s tie. “I’m sorry, my boyfriend tends to ruin my fun.”

“Come back anytime. You are a VIP from now on in all my clubs.”

As you left you waved to the other women, but you noticed how the woman from earlier did not wave back, but rather narrowed her eyes at you.

You didn’t waste another thought and stormed out of the club, immediately jumping into Bada’s car that waited in front of the entrance.

“Took you long enough. What happened?”, you asked as you fastened your seatbelt. But Bada didn’t answer so you turned to look at her.

With wide eyes she stared at you.

“What?”, you asked confused.

“What happened to your lipstick?”, she asked, demanding.

You were confused and looked into the mirror on your side of the car. The red lipstick was smudged everywhere but your lips.

“I had to distract him.”, you said simply.

“By kissing him?”, she asked, almost two octaves higher.

“You took very long, that’s the only way a virgin like him would let me distract him.”

“Still! You can’t just kiss anyone!”

“I did as I seemed fit. I don’t understand why you are angry! Be grateful, it wasn’t like I enjoyed it!”, you argued back.

Bada huffed, she wanted to shoot back but something in the mirror caught her attention. A Subaru was coming closer… fast.

“Fuck…”, she breathed out, she seemed to know the car. Immediately she stomped her foot onto the gas pedal, ignoring all speed limits and red lights.

“Who’s car is it?”, you asked terrified.

“Trust me, you don’t wanna know.”, she said, pressing her lips together.

“Bada! Answer!”

“My ex girlfriend… who also happens to be Seonwoo’s sister…”, Bada admitted.

“Is this a fucking Drama?”, you groaned. “You promised this whole thing was safe for me!”

Bada concentrated on the street, she tried to drive through narrow alleys, in hopes of losing her., but the other car was getting only closer, easily following Bada. Then suddenly Bada had to put her foot on the brake harshly and the car came to a halt Infront of a brick wall.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…”, she repeated and boxed her steering wheel. Then she saw that the Subaru parked behind her. She opened the glove department in front of you and took out a gun, pressing it into your hands. “Stay in the car.”

She opened the door on her side and got out.

The people in the other car got out as well. It was the woman in the black dress again, behind her a girl that was masked up, who seemed to be her shadow. The woman who drove the car, stayed put inside the car, probably in case that a swift escape was needed.

“Soojin…”, Bada smiled. “Long time no see. You look great.”

“Bada Lee. Let’s skip the pleasantries. This is business, not a Sunday brunch. Let’s not get personal.”, she said coldly.

“I don’t know what you mean.”, Bada tried.

“Maybe your new little fling knows what I mean. Never seen someone to make out with my pathetic brother so passionately.”, Soojin said, and your eyes briefly met. “Janice.”

Janice, the masked girl behind Soojin, raised her gun, pointing at Bada, who was already doing the same.

“You stole from my brother, Bada.”

“Technically, I didn’t. He had bills to pay, and I just helped with the process.”, Bada said calmly, gripping her gun tighter.

“Bada, it’s three against one… and a half.��, she chuckled with a quick nod to you. “This is not the time to get cocky.”

“Actually, it’s three against seven.”, a voice said.

Out of a narrow alley way, the rest of the Bebe members walked out, each and every one had their gun cocked and ready. Lusher grinned at Soojin. “Seven and a half, if you will.”, she mused.

“Boss? Maybe there will be a better opportunity…”, the driving girl said to Soojin.

She slowly nodded and gave Janice a look, who immediately lowered her gun. Yet the Bebe girls didn’t.

“This isn’t over Bada Lee. Be careful from now on.”, Soojin warned, then she got into the car. “Let’s leave, Kyeonseo.”

Kyeonseo nodded and drifted on the spot to turn around and drive away again.

You let out the breath you were holding and carefully laid the gun that Bada gave you back into the glove department, before getting out of the car. The tension made you wobbly on your knees but Lusher was next to you and caught you. “Careful.”

But you continued to walk over to Bada, fuming. You glared at her, angrily.

“You owe me double, Bada Lee.”

Chapter 6

[call-sign-jinx]

Endless Love (Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw) - Chapter 6

summary - Y/N Y/L/N and Bradley Bradshaw have had a rivalry ever since they both attended the same academy. Every chance they took, they always tried to one up each other. One day, Bradley takes the rivalry too far and Y/N ends up in the hospital with serious injuries. Will it make Y/N want to get him back twice as worse? Or will it make her realise that this rivalry between them is childish?

warnings - swearing, enemies to lovers, mention of serious injury, traumatic episodes, reader traumatised from what happened, smut, slowburn, seizures, flashbacks

a/n - hey girlies! it's been a loooooong time since i posted the last chapter. i tried to edit this and add to it but i jus couldn't. long story short i went thru a fat breakup and i jus needed to take a break. and deepest apologies cos this one is so short! hope u enjoy regardless! xx

When I woke up, my head was pounding. I rubbed the sleep off of my eyes then looked around the room. This wasn't my room. This was too tidy to be my room. I got up and opened the door to peer out of it. Yeah this definitely was not my house. Maybe I had a one night stand? Or... I don't know I woke up in an alternate universe?

I walked out of the room and began to smell something. It was fucking gorgeous. Haven't smelt something like it since I moved to the US. I followed the smell and there I saw Bradshaw, shirtless cooking what looked to be a Full English. Wait... why the fuck and where did Bradshaw manage to get the stuff you need to make a Full English?

My focus quickly changed to his figure, damn he looked god without a shirt. Yeah, I have seen him before with no shirt but that was when we were always arguing so I never paid it any mind. But dayum, he looked good as hell. I couldn't stop staring in all honesty, his golden skin tone mixed with how well he'd been working out just pulled me into a trance. I shook my head and quickly walked up to the kitchen island.

"Good morning Bradshaw. Please could you tell me how the actual fuck I woke up in your house?" I placed my chin on my hand as I stared up at him. He chuckled and shook his eggs and he flipped over the bacon, I quickly glanced at it and it was British bacon. Wow...

"So you're telling me you remember nothing from last night?" My brows furrowed and my lips pouted.

"I remember going out to the Hard Deck with Phoenix, getting wankered and then fuck knows what else. Why?" I raised a brow in suspicion and confusion.

"Let me give you the run down. You and Phoenix showed up to the bar with pretty skimpy dresses, you had too many double whiskies for anyone's liking, Phoenix went home so you joined the rest of the Dagger Squad. Then an hour later your 'friend,' can't remember his name, said he'd take you home and then basically asked if you wanna help cheat on his girlfriend. You also said that you're moving out and I offered for you to stay here until you find a new place to live. And you said yes." My jaw dropped. Wait... Thomas wanted to cheat on his girlfriend?... With me?!

"I know, wild night you had sweetheart." He chuckled as he finished cooking the breakfast and plated it all up. He passed me one plate as he sat down next to me and began to eat his.

"Wait wait wait, pause for a second there Bradshaw. Thomas wanted to cheat on his girlfriend with me?" I couldn't believe it, we'd stay up all night so he could talk about how in love with her he was. He even talked about fucking proposing to her. Bradshaw nodded in response.

"Nah what the fuck? That can't be true. He literally took me ring shopping for her the other day." Bradshaw didn't reply, all he did was take his phone out. He tapped it a few times and then placed it on the worktop. It was an audio. It had a few voices in it that stuck out to me. But the one that stuck out the most was Thomas'. The things he said my top lip curl up in disgust. I furrowed my brows as I looked at Bradshaw.

"We've been friends since I was 6. Why and how the fuck has he turned into this? He used to be so fucking sweet and caring." Bradshaw gave me a sympathetic look.

"Some people just change. It sucks, doesn't it?" I let out a scoff with a smile.

"It really fucking does." I stare into space for a few seconds until I look back to the Full English that Bradshaw has been cooking. "When and where did you find out how to make a Full English breakfast Bradshaw?" Bradshaw gave me a smirk as he sat down across from me.

"The joys of google." He jabbed the bacon and sausage before shoving it into his mouth.

------------------------------------------------------

Today was a slow day at Top Gun. Nothing was really getting done because Maverick and Cyclone were having a 6 hour long argument somehow. I can't even hold a 10 minute conversation let alone a fucking 6 hour long argument. What are they even arguing about?

Phoenix jabbed me on my shoulder to get my attention.

"You wanna go to the beach after this? Maverick said it's some team building technique. Everyone has to go apparently." I rolled my eyes with a slight smirk.

"How is going to the beach going to help us all get along? Also, could I come to your house before so I can get ready? I'm staying at Bradshaw's for a bit til I can find somewhere to live." Phoenix immediately said yes and told me some other girls from the squad are coming as well.

Thinking about the beach and team building brought an idea into my head. Although me and Bradshaw are civil now, doesn't mean I can't mess with him.

[jeons-catalyst]

If i say that in chapter two jk Clearly showed his bias would i be wrong? definitely not.

I'm very neutral person so i view things as practical, i don't immediately jump on the conclusions. when i saw jk watching jm's content i for a fact knew that he also watches other members content on his YouTube in his free time. Why I'm telling it? Because i have seen some making it only a jkk thing which is not true and we did got to know it later but i already knew it when he was watching jm's content because that's normal and practical thinking.

BUT thing with jm is that jk always wants to make sure he doesn't miss anything that's related to jm. He wants to watch it when it's there. Remember how he was like "why did you not play your songs for me?" To jm. He told "I'm upset" 4 times to jm and at the end he was said "go ahead and say sorry " like do you imagine him doing that with anyone? Maybe he would but atleast we haven't seen it yet. But it also doens't look like he would go as far as to make them say sorry. Like he simply didn't let that thing go easily. He might be teasing yet even in that, even in the chaos of all members speaking he still was continuously telling jm he's upset lol. That was funny. His reaction was like how could you do that to me. Then we all saw him hop on live 3 days after face release and watch the most content he can with all of us. It's not like he wasn't watching it offline like he did watched pixid offline and as soon as it was released. He watched jimin's suchwita as soon as it was released and before even i can watch it too lol. We all know how much he look uptp RM and loves how RM thinks, talks so you would expect jk to atleast watch RM's episode. Heck that's literally one of the member's own show so you would expect him to atleast watch one episode but the only one who can make him move to watch it was jm. the ep are long and when he started live he actually said that he felt sleepy. We all know that he can't focus on things that doens't interest him and you can see it when he zones out. He really doens't pay attention if what you're saying doesn't interest him. Yet this guy sat down and watched whole episode just few hrs later it was released. usually him reading comments and entertaining armys through that is what his lives are about but in this live he literally asked armys not to comment cause he ain't reading lmao.

When he first commented "me too" to jm's "i miss you" armys were like "Who is he missing Us or jm?" and then when he started lives armys went "umm guys idt he's missing us cause he's missing jm". it was funny and interesting. He had time to do all of such things for all members yet he did it for jm. a month after suga released his album yet we didn't see jk singing his songs live like that. we know how close he is with hobi yet he didn't, RM is literally someone he admires alot yet we didn't see it. he has hungout with with taehyung in chapt2 the most as far as we have seen it yet he didn't. he himself said that he had time to go live but he didn't go live because he wanted to cone off as mysterious 😭 he did listen to their songs but alot later than they released whereas he was telling us to look forward to smf2 trailor release, plus did that jm focused live just 3 days later it's release.

Point is I'm not saying he didn't heard any members' album or their content but he literally showed us how much he admires jimin going live cause watching that same content in four walls of ur home wasn't enough for jk he wanted to show it to everyone. As much as he loves jimin's personality he loves jimin's artistry just as much. he knows jimin's songs be it old or new like he'd never miss it. I remember him singing Christmas love 2 times last yr and i know even jm won't remember those lyrics if u suddenly ask him to sing the song. my guy forgot the lyrics of friends too 😂 He'd always watch jm rehearse more than he watches anyone. He heard one line of letter and said "i already love the song". made sure we hear that "with you" nd him singing alot atleast for a bit in his vlog he made. He didn't get to watch the CTT reel and he was like "I'm only seeing it now" cause he thought how did he miss it. he liked the reel and came an hr later to make that comment. he didn't see it because phones were not allowed during the military training.

With jimin he's consistent and wants to watch and see everything without missing, he doens't wanna miss out on anything. and he made sure of it when he used to sing every new released song of jm's last year. even new content he used to watch when it's released. Every or almost all new clips of his new released perfomances. With others yes he does watch them too but with jm he doesn't miss out on much of content and wants to see most of it if not all. and he doens't just watch it himself but wants to Everyone knows it too.

Hey anon,

Yea it is very clear that Jungkook watches all the members content regardless of whether we see him do it or not. I know this because i’ve seen him make reference to some things the members did in the solo era which he probably watched. He made reference to something Suga did in his documentary on Suchwita so we know he definitely watched Suga’s documentary. He also made reference to something Namjoon did, on Live. He mentioned that he watched Tae meet that one ARMY and spent the day with her and even before we saw him watch Jimin on Live, he had already watched Jimin on Pixid so he definitely watches all his members content, not only Jimin’s.

But yea, you are right about him being consistent with Jimin. He has been consistent in his public support for Jimin since the very beginning. It is clear that Jungkook not only loves Jimin as a person but loves his work as well. I still remember his reaction to the Black Swan MV. It almost felt like he couldn’t see anyone but Jimin. You could literally see his eyes light up the moment he saw Jimin on the screen lol.

And let’s not forget how my man froze while watching shirtless Jimin in SMF pt 2💀. He is literally used to seeing this man without clothes since that is Jimin’s default but we still have him freezing at the sight of shirtless Jimin lol

Jungkook is Jimin’s biggest fan fr.

[millersdjarin]

Some Invisible String

Chapter II: Skies Grew Darker

Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader (afab)

Rating: E (eventually)

Summary: Ten years after Reader left Joel for reasons he still doesn't know, they find themselves together again in a town called Jackson. Joel has questions he's too afraid to ask; and Reader dreads having to give the answers.

Chapter length: 3.9k

Warnings/Tags: injury recovery, light angst, ellie is an absolute G and i love her with all my heart

Chapter One

notes: hello i hope u enjoy love u <3

They’ve got medicine here. Actual antibiotics, even some painkillers. 

Apparently some of the folks in town are from all different corners of the country—some ex-fireflies, some ex-loners, even some ex-hunters, like me, Tommy, and Joel. Everyone came with their own stories, and their own supplies, or ways of getting them. 

Well, everyone except me. All I brought was blood and confusion. But, still. 

Angela keeps me in the town’s doctor’s office for a couple of days to recover. In that time, Joel comes to see me several times each day, as well as Tommy and Ellie. I still don’t really know who she is; just that, for some reason, she’s especially close with Joel. But, just like he’s holding back his questions—I can see it on his face every time the room falls into quiet—I’ve held back mine until I start to feel a little more human again. 

Which is today, apparently. Everything is aching less, and I feel like I’m actually awake where I lie still in my bed. I could probably even sit up to eat today if I wanted to.

Ellie comes in sometime in the early morning, not long after I and the rest of the town started to wake up. She smiles, so bright-eyed and young, and sits in the chair beside my bed. “How you feeling?” She asks. “You look better.” 

“I feel better,” I answer with a relieved exhale. “I mean, I still feel like I just came back from the brink of death, but…you know.” 

“I know what you mean,” Ellie says. “I’ve had days like that, too. I remember after Joel was injured last winter, even once he was better he still took a while to get right again.” 

I frown, mostly out of curiosity, partly out of concern. “How long have you two known each other?” 

She blows a raspberry and looks away in thought. “I guess over a year now. A year and a half maybe? Time is weird.” 

“Yeah, tell me about it. Have you been here all that time?” 

“No. We actually both came from Boston.” 

“Boston?” I feel my eyebrows raise. That’s a long way from Texas, and it’s a long way from here. “So how long have you been…here? What brought you here?” 

“That’s…kind of a long story,” she grins, sheepish. “I’m sure Joel’ll tell you all about it.” 

I almost snort. “I doubt it.” 

“Why not? You guys were obviously close.” 

“It was a long time ago.” 

“Alright, well, he obviously cares a lot about you,” Ellie counters. She’s swinging her legs back and forth under the chair, her hands sitting calmly in her lap. “Him and Tommy. How’d you guys meet?” 

“It’s a long story,” I echo her earlier sentiment, not wanting to get into it. I’m sure Ellie is just as curious about my history with them as I am about her’s. But it’s complicated. Everything is always so complicated. “You guys are obviously close, too. You and Joel.” 

“Yeah. Yeah, we are.” A fond smile spreads over her lips, shy, like she’s trying to hide it. She looks down at her lap, fiddles with her fingers. “We had a pretty intense few months together out on the road. But you know what he’s like. Emotions, relationships…not really his area of expertise.” 

I actually do laugh at that, because I can’t help it. Because even though she’s just a kid, Ellie gets it. “Yeah, you’re telling me, kid. It’s just his way of surviving, though, you know?” 

She nods. “Yeah, I know. And I get it. He’s taught me a lot about that. You know, surviving.” 

My mind goes to Sarah in an instant. 

I met Joel five years after the outbreak. He never talked about his past, his family, his life before it all went to shit. And he definitely never talked about Sarah. 

But Tommy told me. One night, when Joel had been particularly gruff and distant all day, insisting on taking all the patrols even though he was exhausted from constant nightmares for a week, Tommy told me it was Sarah’s birthday. He said her name like I should have already known who she was. Like he’d expected Joel would have told me.

I only brought it up to him the one time. That night when I went to bed and saw him sitting on his shitty mattress on the ground, fiddling with the broken watch on his left wrist. “Tommy told me,” I said, quiet into the dark room. “About Sarah.” 

“Don’t…” 

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry. And that if you ever want to tell someone about her, I’m all ears,” I’d said. Then, before he could protest or leave the room out of frustration, embarrassment, survival instinct—whatever it was that kept him so guarded—I just said, “Goodnight, Joel.” 

And that was that. 

Now, lying here in this bed, I look up at Ellie, hear her say Joel taught her how to survive. Something he never got chance to teach Sarah after it all went to shit. Something he blamed himself for. Maybe he still does. 

I think of Sarah, of Joel, of his closeness with Ellie. It must have taken him a lot to overcome his fears and his past. It’s always weighed over him so heavily that I could see it. 

But now, thinking about it, about how he is with Ellie, he looks different. Lighter. Like he’s not so afraid anymore. 

I wonder what happened between them. How he let anyone new into his life again. 

Just as I’m about to ask Ellie, the door swings open, and in walks Joel. 

“Speak of the devil,” Ellie smirks, craning her neck to look at him. 

“You ladies talkin’ about me?” Joel asks. He doesn’t smile, but there’s one in his voice. He’s carrying a covered tray that’s billowing steam up from around the edges. “Thought my ears were burnin’.”

“Yeah, talking shit,” Ellie says. 

Joel grumbles in response and heads closer to me. He’s so tall from where I am, towering over me like a beautiful skyscraper. Shifting the tray into one hand, he uses his other to gently bump his fist against Ellie’s shoulder. “Scoot,” he says. Ellie does as he asks but stands behind the chair as he sits down, putting her hands on the backrest. “You hungry?” He asks me. 

“Starving,” I answer. The food, whatever it is, smells good. Sweet. I haven’t had sweet in so long. 

“Got pancakes,” he opens the tray like someone on an old ad for a cruise. If I was talking to anyone else but Joel, I’d expect them to say Bon appetit. 

“Pancakes?” Ellie repeats from behind him, staring down at the plate with wide eyes. “Why did no one tell me it’s pancakes?!” 

He smiles, mostly to himself. It’s soft and fond. It’s fucking beautiful to see on him. “Well, go on then,” he says to her, so southern that it hurts, “there might still be some left. Better hurry before the other kids get there first.” 

Ellie starts towards the door, but pauses before opening it. “I’m glad you’re feeling better,” she says, smiling at me, then she heads back out into the cold and runs across the street to the cafe. 

Joel turns to me with that same fond smile. There’s a look on his face that says, Kids, am I right? And I don’t know how I translate it, because I’ve never seen him look like this before. “You need help eatin’?” He asks, putting the cover back on the plate to keep it hot.

“I think I can sit up today,” I say.

“You sure? I don’t know if Angela needs to check you over first…” 

I wave a nonchalant hand, then press it into the mattress. “I’m fine.” Using both hands, I start to push myself up the bed, lifting my head and chest. 

Joel shifts on his chair. “I don’t know if…”

“She told me to sit up when I feel ready,” I grunt out, using all the strength I have—which isn’t a lot—to get myself sitting upright. It hurts like fuck, but the pain has been worse in the last few days, so it’s fine. (It’s not. It’s spreading across my whole body. But I just want to eat my pancakes, to feel normal again. To prove Joel wrong and make up for the fact that I cried in front of everyone. In front of him.) 

Joel half reaches out towards me. I start to struggle the last few inches as my stomach muscles begin to weaken. I can’t quite get straight enough to lean back against the wall, and my elbows are shaking. 

Without a word, Joel puts down the tray and shoots up from his seat, reaching out to hold me steady. One of his hands grasps the arm opposite him, the other wrapping around my back. “I gotcha,” he hauls me up against the headboard. God. His hands are freezing, but my skin under where he touches me feels like fire. “Alright?” He asks once I’m settled. 

I can’t quite speak, so I just nod. 

The tray is in my lap soon, complete with a closed cup of milk with a straw, like it’s made for a kid. But it means it hasn’t spilled, and doesn’t spill even when my hands shake a little as I drink, so it is what it is. 

“You want some time alone, or…?” 

I stare at him, not knowing what to say. What I want. 

“Just I know Ellie’s been comin’ in here a lot, so I thought maybe you’re wanting some space…” 

I stab a piece of pancake and eat it. My God, there’s not even any syrup on it, just some stewed apples, but it is like heaven has just exploded in my mouth. I feel my eyelids flutter at the sensation, at the sweetness I haven’t tasted in so many years. Then, instead of giving Joel an answer, I ask, “What’s the deal with you two? She’s a sweet kid. Seems to care about me just ’cause you d—know me.” I stop myself before I say Because you do. Because, does he? Does he care any more than he feels obligated to anymore? 

If Joel notices my stumble, he doesn’t show it. “Yeah, she’s…she’s a good kid. It’s kind of a long story.” 

“That’s what Ellie told me, too.” I’m speaking with my mouth full of sticky, sweet pancakes. This might actually be heaven. 

“I, uh…I did a lot of smuggling, back in Boston. Me and my…partner, we got a job to smuggle her out of the QZ.”

I raise an eyebrow. “You smuggled a teenage girl out of a safe place and into the wild?” 

“I wouldn’t say safe,” he grumbles, “but, yeah.” 

“Why’d she need smuggled?” 

“That’s, uh…” he looks away, down at his lap. For a moment he seems to consider something, his forehead creasing like it does when he’s thinking really hard. “I don’t think you’d believe me if I told you.”

Observing him for a moment, I push a bit of apple out of my teeth with my tongue. “Try me,” I say. 

Instead of answering, Joel sighs, long and heavy. After a minute he shakes his head, and when he lifts it to meet my eyes, I see an expression that I only saw in the first few weeks we knew each other. An expression I never thought I’d have to see again: distrust. 

He shakes his head again, and doesn’t say anything. 

But I hear him clear as day. He doesn’t trust me. 

I don’t blame him. 

Clearing my throat, I chop up another mouthful of pancake and shove it down me. Somehow, I’ve almost finished the plate already. “Thanks, uh, for the breakfast.” 

“Thank Lucy. We’re damn lucky to have her.” 

Lucy is the town’s cook. A lot of the residents cook for themselves in their homes—which was once the norm in our lives, but now seems like such a foreign concept—but she still makes meals in the cafe for newer residents, injured people, and those who are shit at cooking. 

“So, you went on some big adventure, I assume,” I say into the quiet, half-joking. But the way Joel chuckles dryly and shakes his head, I realise that the answer is a very serious yes. “How’s Tommy already married if you’ve not been here long?” 

“He’s been here a lot longer than me. Maria’s dad set this place up.” 

I frown. “Tommy wasn’t in Boston with you?” 

Joel still won’t meet my eyes. He runs a rough hand over his mouth and stubble, rubs his jaw where the hairs are greyer. I’m a little distracted by it, to be honest. I can’t help but imagine running my hands over his face myself. Even after all this time, those thoughts are still there. 

“We, uh, we separated a while back. Not long after you left, actually.” 

“…Oh,” I’m not sure what to make of that. “I’m glad you’re back together again.” 

“Me, too.” 

My plate now empty, I watch him. He’s somewhat lost in thought, stroking at his jaw over and over, back and forth, staring down at the floor. Maybe he, too, is lost in the memories of what it was like back then. When me, him, and Tommy were a team. When we were part of a group of hunters. When we killed to survive. 

It was hell. Tommy always hated it the most, even though I was always the softest. 

But we did survive.

I look at Joel now, all grey flecks of hair and creases on his face from years of horror. I’ve got some premature greys now, too, but not nearly as many. He looks tired. Not badly rested; there are no bags under his eyes or paleness in his cheeks. But he just looks…tired. Worn down. Maybe it’s because of my presence here.

“Joel…” I say, hesitant. I don’t really know where I’m going with it. I can’t stop thinking about the old days. About the day I left. About the letter I wrote explaining why, that was always addressed to the fire, and not to him. “It’s been a long time,” I find myself settling on. 

He laughs at that. I can’t decide if it’s humourless or not. “Yeah. It has.” 

“You got old,” I tease. Because that’s always a good route to go down when I’m not sure. 

“I sure did. Happens to all of us. Not you, apparently.” He glances up at me, then looks away just as quickly. 

“What are you talking about? I got old, too.”

“You still look just like you did the day I lost…the day you…” 

I look down as guilt hangs in my chest. I should say something. I should apologise. Maybe I should explain, after all these years. 

Does he even want to know? Does he need to? 

Do I want him to know? 

“I should get goin’,” he says before I have any longer to overthink. He slaps his hands on his legs before standing up, then reaches for my empty tray. “Take it easy today. Angela’ll check on you soon.” 

He turns towards the door and I try to scrabble for something to say to get him to stay. I don’t want him to leave—not yet. “Joel…” but his name fades in my mouth, because there are no words. 

“I’ll come by later,” is all he says before he leaves. 

Deflated, I lean further back into the wall behind me. 

Everything hurts.

-

“Joel and Tommy both have spare rooms, if you wanted to stay with one of them,” Angela explains as she tends to some of the smaller cuts on my arms and shoulders. “Or there’s the inn where we house new residents before getting them settled.” 

“I’ll take the inn,” I answer, not needing to think about it. 

“You sure? Recovery ain’t gonna be an easy thing. You might want some friends around to help you out.” 

I’ve survived this long on my own. “I’ll be fine,” I insist. “Had worse.” 

Angela snorts. “Doubt it. You almost died, you know that, right?” 

“Oh, I know,” I sigh. The pain in my body never lets me forget it. Then, realising I haven’t said it yet, “Thank you. For…for saving my life.” 

Angela leans back, happy with her work. “No need to thank me,” she offers a warm smile. “You should thank the brothers. They’re the ones who found you. Crazy how fate works, isn’t it?” She throws old bandages into the bin and closes her medical case. 

I chuckle, dark. “Fate is one word for it, I guess.” Luck is probably more accurate. But whether or not it’s good luck or bad luck, I’m not sure yet. Jury’s still out. 

“Alright, well, if you feel ready, you can head on to your new lodgings. I’m sure Maria’ll get you set up with your own place in no time. For now, I’ll get them to give you a ground floor room.” 

“Thanks,” I say, relieved to be getting out of here. It’s not that it’s not nice—hell, this is the nicest place I’ve been in since before the outbreak—it’s just I’m going a little stir crazy. I haven’t been this still for this long in a very, very long time. Every time someone says they’re going out on patrol, I get a little jealous. I want to be helpful, but more than that, I want to feel that I can still look after myself if push comes to shove. 

Which clearly is not the case, because as soon as I stand up with the help of the crutches Angela has loaned me, I regret it. Only for a second. But the regret is there; my brain says, Maybe we should’ve just stayed sitting down! 

As I hobble out of the doctor’s office and out into the snow, a cold breeze instantly assaults me. Angela is behind me, making sure I don’t fall, watching my step for me. But it’s fucking freezing out here.

My eyes are watering in an instant, blurring my vision. Using the crutches helps with my leg pain, but my arms are still weak and trembly. 

It’s as I’m stepping down off the stoop that I see Joel and Ellie coming running across the street towards me. 

“Angela! I told you to tell me when you discharged her!” Joel shouts as he gets closer. 

“I’m fine!” I shout into the wind, definitely not fine. The cold is making my fingers ache. As if I needed more things to hurt. 

“Where are you going?” Ellie asks. She points down the street in the opposite direction, “Our place is that way.” 

“She’s staying at the inn,” Angela says. She puts a hand on my back, steadying me, then gestures to the building we’re heading to.

“What—the inn?” Joel asks, following us now. 

“Yeah. You know, a place where people stay when they don’t have anywhere else?” Angela retorts, rolling her eyes. “Watch your step,” she says quietly to me, helping me hobble over a deeper patch of snow that crunches as I stand on it. 

“She can stay with us,” Ellie says. “You know that, right?” She looks at me from the side. 

I glance at her and try my best to smile through the pain and discomfort. “I’m fine, Ellie. Really.” 

“No, you’re not,” Joel argues. His voice is so deep and rumbly, like it’s coming from his belly. “You can’t recover on your own.”

“Let’s argue about this once we get her sat down in the warm, shall we?” Angela suggests, which gets everyone to stay silent until then. 

Ellie tries to pitch their house to me one last time. Joel is standing in the doorway of my room, looking disgruntled and grumpy, though that’s nothing new. Ellie sits at the bottom of my bed as I tell her No, thank you, for the last time. 

“Alright, well, if you’re sure. If you need any help, or anything…” 

“I know where you are,” I say, smiling gratefully. “Thanks, Ellie.” 

“I got you some of my favourite movies. Since we came here I’ve been able to watch them. You ever seen Star Wars?” 

Chuckling, I nod. “Yeah, I’ve seen those.” 

“I don’t think this TV has a DVD player hooked up, but I’ll ask Maria,” Ellie promises, putting the DVD cases on the vanity opposite the bed, next to the old TV. The idea of watching a movie is somehow alien and familiar all at once. 

“Thank you,” I say again. I’m amazed by this kid. She’s soft and kind and yet hard as nails. She’s mostly covered in winter clothing, but the skin I can see, she’s got a hell of a lot of scars. The most noticeable is on her eyebrow, gashing right through the hairs. It looks badass. 

But it’s also sad. She’s just a kid. 

“You can stay and watch them with me when it’s hooked up, if you want,” I offer. 

Ellie grins. “I’d love that! I’ll bring snacks.” 

Warmth blooms in my chest. It’s so unfamiliar that it concerns me for a second; I think something must be wrong. But then I look at Joel, standing in the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest, wearing his big puffy winter coat, and it reminds me that the same warmth used to be there every time I looked at him. Until it turned to something fearful, something looming.

“Alright, kid, let her get some rest,” Joel says, standing up straight and nodding his head out the door. 

Ellie stands up and smiles at me. “I’ll see you later.” 

“See you.” 

She brushes past Joel in the doorway and elbows him in the ribs as she passes. Joel gives an over exaggerated grunt and bends over, making Ellie laugh as she heads down the hallway. “Come on, old man!” She shouts after him. 

With a small smile still on his lips, and a hand on his ribcage, he turns to me. “You sure you’re alright?” He asks.

His concern has that feeling coming back. Warmth, from my chest to my toes. I nod. “I’m sure. I’m probably gonna try and sleep for a bit.” 

“Angela said she’ll check on you. And there’s always someone about down here, if you need help.” 

“I’m alright, Joel,” I assure him gently, pulling the blanket further up so it sits against my hips. “Look at me, I’m sitting up. I’ll be fine.” 

He stays there for another long moment, but then he nods once, and turns to head out the door. “We’ll talk later.” 

“Later,” I agree, even though I don’t know what there is to talk about that isn’t telling him why the hell did I leave, and asking him why aren’t you angry at me for it?

I watch him walk away until he’s no longer there.

{chapter 2/5}

notes: all interactions are very appreciated, but comments/reblogs especially make my heart go brrr♡ ps. pls come and scream about the tlou show with me i am feral

taglist: @rosymythologies @lover1307

[cottondo]

Fizzarolli x reader | black lace

chapter four | still luv u

•

•

pills n potions. we're overdosin'

i'm angry, but i still love you.

•

•

•

The show was almost over. You may have found out that it was going to be just a one night deal, but you had different plans.

Making it the best night of your life, you made absolute sure that every single demon out there in the audience knew your name afterwards.

Doing the best that you could in such a long time of not being very . . children friendly, you actually put on quite the show.

You could only hope that Fizz was impressed. At least, he seemed like he was relatively interested in you and your pole moves.

He had danced with you, and even wrapped his body around yours with the help of his ribbed limbs, but, it was all for show. Obviously.

However, in those moments being tangled up with him, you really thought that getting used to that feeling would have been easy. It surprisingly wasn't.

At one point, your hands slipped down the pole because of how clammy they got, and it made some embarrassment in you, grow. You hadn't done stage performances in front of, or, with, someone you were in love with before.

Dancing was hard in general, so slipping on a stage at Ozzie's already meant you were off to a bad start. Nerves don't come easy, even if you were dead.

Fizz bitched about it in your ear, away from his microphone, and made sure you knew not to mess up again.

"Get your shit together, kid." His eyes narrow in on you, as you dance beside him on stage.

It stung a little, sure. You were never unconfident, but somehow, Fizz's opinion of you made you rethink anything you did. Are your footing positions right? The way you spun, was it okay? Should you have not thrown in an extra sexy dance move to make the crowd gasp and awe at you if it means the attention pulls off of him?

You didn't know. All you could focus on are the couple things he was obviously annoyed about. Everybody made mistakes, it was inevitable. But not at Ozzie's. The rules are different here.

You sat on the low stool in the dressing room, knee bouncing, elbows on top of your knees, and head resting in your hands. Shit.

Fizz would never want you to come back now, would he? After all, you were just a last resort to him, anyway. So what did that tell you?

 

  The door to the dressing room opens, and Fizzarolli was talking loud on the phone. You could hear him from the other side of the door before he came in.

When he slammed the door behind him on the way inside the room, you couldn't help but flinch and look up at him, startled.

"Yeah, yeah I know. Yes! Look, it won't happen again, because it was a one time deal. Kay? Cool." Fizzarolli glares at the wall ahead of him, before side eyeing your sitting figure. You two share a heavy look, a thickness flooding into your chest and stomach, before he looks away and waves a hand.

"Yeah. Alright . . bye." Fizz ends the call and looks to you once more.

You dart your eyes a few times up at him, nervous, though it comes off more as curiosity, and lift your head.

 

"I thought you said you danced before." He says.

You blink, furrowing your brows. "I hav—"

"That wasn't dancing! That was slipping."

You sink into the chair and look away from him. There was an underlying annoyance resting in your mouth. It was ONE simple mistake. He didn't have to be such a dick about it all night.

 

"It was an accident. My hands got too warm." You go to explain. Fizz sighs, rounding you to meet the vanity counter. When he looks in the mirror, you look at his reflection and hold a more somber look.

His expression changes lightly, meeting your gaze in the mirror. "Look, Ozzie doesn't allow mistakes. If you have one, you gotta play it off - - quickly."

Something you already knew.

You nod. "I know, I'm sorry. You just make me nervous."

His face drops in the mirror, and now completely looking to the side at you. "I do? Why?"

You shrug innocently up at him, the faintest of smiles trying to work their way to your face again. Why . . Why is an ugly letter. You didn't know why. You weren't sure what made you like him so much. The way he made you feel just by looking at him was a mystery, but unfortunately, real.

"Actually," a soft chortle escapes your mouth as you speak, and you can't help but to nervously smile up at him. "I've wanted to work with you for, like, ever. The real you, I mean." You begin to fidget under his stare. "And it finally happened- - I'm just really sorry I wasn't what you wanted."

Fizz seemed to feel something— you think. You weren't sure what it was. He looked down after staring at you for what seemed like it might have been just slightly too long. After a moment, he recovered, and went back to fixing himself in the mirror. He placed both hands on his jester hat, and situated it to fit just a bit better than before, even if there was nothing wrong with it.

"I'm pretty great, we can agree on that," he drops his hands and turns to face you, expression twisting into a type of confusion. "But, why? Are you just another one of those sex freaks that're obsessed with my replicas?"

Now, you wouldn't be opposed to having a replica of him in your house, and not just for those purposes, but that's not what you were here for.

"What?" Your eyes narrowed, and you'd been taken aback slightly. "No! I used to like your jokes- - That's how I found out about you."

"My jokes?" He asks. You'd thought he was dumbfounded by the question, from the way he was now staring at you. "Really?"

Was it really that hard to believe? That demons and imps could like him for him, and not for some showboat personality he's manifested for the Lust Ring?

"Yeah," you say, nodding. "When I got stuck working at Loo Loo Land, I guess it kinda just made me notice you twice as much, now . ." You glance down to the floor, then back up to him. "You had that passion for the circus ever since you were little. I think its cute." You look over to him, then gaze down at his arms. Fizz notices this, and looks away with a groan. "I was seven, y/n." His arms cross.

You titter. "Yeah, but its still there. You're good at what you do, you know?"

Fizz manages a smile towards you. You soak it up. "It took allot to get here. I had to be good." His eyes roll.

"Well yeah, but not everyone can do what you do." Your smile is soft and genuine up towards the jester. He notices it, and slightly, you swore he smiled a little more back. It was cut quickly though.

You think he didn't know what to say. Instead, he waves his arms, and lets out a little huff of air, shuddering a shoulder to rid the emotions of the topic.

"Listen, you're a nice kid . . But, I don't think this place is right for you." He says, turning his back to face you, so you couldn't see the bit of a cringe curling onto his face. The mirror reflection allowed you to still see it, though.

All hope you had for connecting with him was quickly deflated, and it showed in your slouching shoulders. "Maybe you should try to stick with Loo Loo Land for now."

You shift on the stool uncomfortably. "Wh- - can't you just give me another chance? It was my first time here," there a soft tone of underlying desperation in your voice, mixed in with some slight irritation.

That wasn't fair, right? People make mistakes.

"Look- - If Ozzie tells me you can come back, I've got your number." Fizz crosses his arms, turning back to you. You couldn't fight with him on it. That would just make things worse.

But, damn, you really wanted to.

You stand, taking the little bit of dignity you had left in you, and grab your jacket. With a tense pressure forming on the side of your skull, your eyes get one last look of him before you could make your leave. "Sorry to be such a disappointment."

That was it. Your feet make you leave the room, and you figure that's the last time you'll ever get to step foot in that dressing room again.

   •

 

The ride home was uncomfortable in the car, even if it was just yourself.

Your thoughts were so loud, and you've been fighting back tears basically the entire time.

By the time you get back to your living space, the pit in your stomach was emptied, and slowly filling it, was bitterness.

You slip your shoes off, and trudge your way into bed. Clothes on, hair done up, you didn't care. That sulking feeling grabbed you tight, and sucked the life right out of your veins.

It just wasn't meant to be.

Your hand reaches over for your phone, and you tap on the music app you've known and loved. You press the button on it, and it starts to play.

'I can't stand it, but I still love you . .'

[bytedykes]

What is ORV actually about? I assumed that it was like... A modern psychological thriller with a bit of queerbait, but now I'm seeing your posts and reblogs tagged ORV that are all kinda surreal and fantasy type stuff, I feel like I saw the word isekai a couple times? So what is ORV actually?

ok i have been sitting on this ask for a few days bc i. have no idea where to even begin trying to explain what orv is about

here's a post by tumblr user ot3 that does a better job of explaining orv than i ever could. below the cut is MY attempt at an orv summary

"what is orv actually about?" this is a wonderful question. i don't know. i did nothing but read this novel for 2 weeks straight and i could not for the life of me tell you what orv is "about"

the thing about this book is that if you're reading it, it makes perfect sense. the events are linear. there is a bunch of mindfucky bullshit BUT it all happens in a relatively straightforward way. i understand orv perfectly. but at gunpoint, could i put the events in chronological order? no. pull the trigger

ok. orv is about a salaryman named kim dokja who has the most uninteresting boring life in the world. this is a lie. he does nothing but go to his job he's about to get fired from, eat convenience store kimbap, and read webnovels. he reads a specific webnovel (twsa) that has been updating daily for 13 years straight. he has been reading it since he was 15 through his entire adult life

twsa is about the apocalypse, starring protagonist yoo joonghyuk. the day kim dokja reads the last chapter and eagerly awaits the epilogue to be published the apocalypse happens. exactly like in the webnovel. now armed with a .txt file of twsa and his autism superpowers he navigates the apocalypse trying to reach his ideal ending

orv, for lack of better term, does not take itself very seriously at times. frequently, even. at least half of the major plot points are comprised of complete bullshit. every few chapters i had to put the book down and go "no fucking WAY is this actually happening" but it was! it was happening every time! its hysterical!

orv is also extremely meta. every time you think "ok it cannot possibly get more meta, this is it, this is the peak" ur wrong. u are wrong every single time until the very end of the epilogue. it can ALWAYS get more meta. orv is 100% the most meta thing i have read in my life

on top of all this, pretty much anything you can think of has happened in orv. "orv is a book about everything" while an exaggeration, this is true. it really fucking is. it has everything in it. you know that poem by shel silverstein, "everything on it"? that's what reading orv is like

it tackles many serious topics (such as: loneliness, the desperate desire to connect with other people combined with the inability to allow yourself to be loved, finding the things that push you to keep surviving) and many topics that are. not that (such as: "what if a dumpling had a face how would that work", "what if gay people were insane and not even friends", "what if a guy was so autistic his brain started eating people", "what if a monkey was actually 4 monkeys" and more such things. wouldnt that be fucked up)

orv definitely. yeah. surreal and fantasy type stuff is a very appropriate descriptor. a modern psychological thriller is... also appropriate i suppose. "a bit of queerbait" is NOT appropriate because orv is built on queerbait but not in the sense of it being baiting. in the sense of it being canon but unsaid. like its not canon. but it is. its canon and it is constant. there is an archangel that ships said queerbait she is a proud yaoi supporter. this is a real thing i am not making up

on top of that insane queerbait. there is insane polycule bait as well. like i need you to understand that while its not "canon" in the traditional sense of the word it IS real and it IS on screen and it IS as explicit as it could actually be without it actually being, you know, explicit. it literally makes me feel insane

ISEKAI. RIGHT. im not really familiar with isekai as a genre so take this paragraph with a grain of salt but orv is more of a reverse isekai? the fantasy world comes TO the "real" world. however there are in fact multiple isekais-within-the-isekai later on. multiple types of them even

anyway orv is also heavily based on the theme of stories and like. god i hope you've read ot3's post because im sure they explained it better. its a very theme-heavy piece of media where the rules of the world aren't based on logic but based on how they can further the themes. its very intricately constructed and like

it will blow your mind. god. i dont even know what im saying anymore. its good is my point it is so fucking good. orv changed me. it is a very hopeful piece of media and i am sure that rereading it will devastate me even harder than it did the first time

TLDR: orv is an insane long book about literally everything and at least half of those things are complete bullshit but are incredibly integral to the plot. somehow. it is very worth reading and will change ur life forever

[queenmina37]

hi!! i found out your bleach x bnha crossover series last night and i DEVOURED it, i had such a great time reading it and it's so funny 😭 i just wanted to say thank you for sharing such a brilliant brainworm that will probably now live in MY brain forever 💜 i know it hasn't been updated in like a year but that won't stop me 😾 and since we're here i figure i'll ask something: how would aizawa react if he found out ichigo has two whole *kids*?

again, Thank You and hope you have a good day 💜

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA You're the person who left comments on Ghost Hunters of UA, aren't you?? I'm so glad you liked it!

This is an interesting thing because I could actually swear that I've written something about this? Actually, I just realized that I probably have some parts of the story written... that I haven't posted... because... I don't even know... I remember that I had the very last story for the series written, but I didn't want to post it if the rest of the series was still not finished, but I might actually post it at some point, if I can just remember to do that.

But I could swear I've written something about Aizawa finding out about Kazui and Ichika? It's possible it's one of the group chat chapters that I wrote and then decided not to go through with the idea at all? Yeah, actually, I just found it and it's definitely like that.

I'm not going to put this on ao3 (at least at this time), but since you asked, here you go! Please remember that it was written before the first chapter of Ghost Hunters of UA, so it might not be entirely accurate, for example with what happens in that story, but, yeah, anyways.

Karakura Gang + Stragglers (Group chat name)

God’s Antithesis (Ishida)

Ichigo

God’s Worst Mistake (Ichigo)

Uryuu

God’s Antithesis (Ishida)

[A picture of the living room of the Ishida Residence. Sitting in front of a dark wine red couch and the low table in front of it, on the floor, are two boys around the same age. One of them has wild, spike orange hair that is just slightly smoother than Kurosaki Ichigo’s spiky hair. He’s grinning brightly, his purple eyes alight. He’s wearing a pair of jeans and a baby blue hoodie. The other boy also had orange hair, though of a different, darker shade than the other boy’s. He was beaming. He had dark blue eyes. Both boys were staring right at the camera.]

Why is kazui in my house

Assno (Asano)

asdfghjkl

Reject Universe (Orihime)

Oh!

I didnt know kazui was over!

Dragon (Tatsuki... I think?)

Oh my god what the fuck

Arrancar Translator (Chad...?)

Huh

Queen (Rukia)

Oh my god how is he over there?????

Panicked into Solutions (Renji)

omw dont let him leave

God’s Antithesis (Ishida)

Bit late for that

Reject Universe (Orihime)

I just got home and he just ran out (°-°)

Dragon (Tatsuki)

Is he scared of u?

This is like the third time he has done that right?

Reject Universe (Orihime)

Oh no surely not right?

I dont want kazui to be scared of me!!

Queen (Rukia)

He isnt scared orihime I promise

God’s Worst Mistake (Ichigo)

He just gets similar alarms ringing like when rukia smiles when he has done something he shouldnt have done

Also im coming over, see if I can hold him down long enough for renji to drag him back home

Karakura Red (Karin)

Caught the little shit

Bringing him home but ichi-nii should still come keep an eye on him

Me and yuzu have shit to do

God’s Worst Mistake (Ichigo)

omw

Panicked into Solutions (Renji)

I will be there in a few hours once these idiots get the senkaimon going

Queen (Rukia)

Might be good

Kazui has been taking it rather hard that ichigo is on such a long mission

A bit of time alone with his dad will do him some good

Caterpillar Man (Aizawa)

Im sorry

Kurosaki has a son?

Dragon (Tatsuki)

Wait we didnt tell u?

Caterpillar Man (Aizawa)

No????

Improvised Molotov Cocktails (Mizuiro)

He has a wife and a husband too

Assno (Asano)

Some of us cant find one and he went and got himself two

Arrancar Translator (Chad)

Actually he has two kids

Son and daughter

Reject Universe (Orihime)

Oh but renji is actually ichika’s dad

Caterpillar Man (Aizawa)

What

Improvised Molotov Cocktails (Mizuiro)

Kazui and ichika are twins

Ichigo is kazui’s dad

Renji is ichika’s dad

Simple

Caterpillar Man (Aizawa)

In what universe

Dragon (Tatsuki)

Well I mean they have the same mom and are twins so its pretty simple

Must Protect (Yuzu?)

Aww!

[A picture of Ichigo laying down on the couch in the living room of the Kurosaki Residence. He has one hand under his head, while the other is wrapped around Kazui, who is laying between him and the back of the couch, his head on Ichigo’s chest. Both have their eyes closed. Ichigo is in his shinigami uniform.]

They are so cute!

Queen (Rukia)

Is he purring?

Karakura Red (Karin)

Of course hes purring

This is ichi-nii we are talking about

Caterpillar Man (Aizawa)

I’m sorry

Kurosaki

Purrs?

Panicked into Solutions (Renji)

Like an engine yeah

But only when he naps with the kids

They love it

Caterpillar Man (Aizawa)

??????

How???????

Improvised Molotov Cocktails (Mizuiro)

You havent heard him purr before?

Arrancar Translator (Chad)

He was already doing it in middle school but it escalated in high school

Queen (Rukia)

It escalated even more after he died

Panicked into Solutions (Renji)

And then it became exclusive to the kids

Caterpillar Man (Aizawa)

????????????????????

God’s Antithesis (Ishida)

Wait

What do you mean its exclusive to the kids

Panicked into Solutions (Renji)

Its exclusive to the kids?

He only purrs when he wants to nap with the kids?

Queen (Rukia)

It calms kazui down and he falls asleep within seconds

Ichika too but thats because shes been conditioned into it rather than it being natural like with kazui

Why?

Karakura Red (Karin)

He does it with me too tho

Yuzu too

Reject Universe (Orihime)

He did it to uryuu once too!

Panicked into Solutions (Renji)

What??????

Karakura Red (Karin)

Urahara said its a hollow thing

Pack thing and all that

Must protect little ones

Hes trying to calm down and put to sleep any younger relatives essentially

Must Protect (Yuzu)

Yeah I hear the visored do the same with him too

But he never does it to them because they are older than him

Karin has done it to me too

Karakura Red (Karin)

Yuzu!!!

Dragon (Tatsuki)

Oh my god

Assno (Asano)

Y r u guys so pure?

Panicked into Solutions (Renji)

Im not sure what about having a bloodthirsty cannibal in your head is pure but u do u buddy

Assno (Asano)

Wait no!!!

Panicked into Solutions (Renji)

Also I will be there in another 30 mins

Must Protect (Yuzu)

Stay for tea until they wake up!

Caterpillar Man (Aizawa)

I

I hate to break this to you people but kurosaki is expected at school tomorrow morning

Karakura Red (Karin)

Thats what shunpo and sonido are for

Caterpillar Man (Aizawa)

What does that even mean

Improvised Molotov Cocktails (Mizuiro)

He fast

Caterpillar Man (Aizawa)

That explains literally nothing

Queen (Rukia)

It explains literally everything

[fyorina]

(uh, this is rlly long im so sorry qwq)

OMG THAT LAST CHAPTER HAD ME FEELING SM CARINA U CANT DO THIS TO ME !!!! LITERALLY THE FIRST FEW PARAGRAPHS IN I HADTA WALK AROUND BC I WAS SO OVERWHELMED I LOVED IT SM !!! N THOSE LAST FEW LINES. DONTDOTHISTOME I S A W THE "BEAST AU COMPLIANT" TAG ON UU IM GONNA SOB MY EYES OUT DURING IT I JUST KNOW !!!

gonna leave some of my fave few lines n my thoughts abt them from this chapter (ok these arent all of em, bc if i put all of em it'd be the whole 50k words of this series SO ITS JUST THIS CHAPTER)

"because how could he possibly belong amongst people who are so unfailingly good that it makes his tainted heart stick out like a sore thumb?"

STOP NO DONT DO THIS TO MEEEEEE throughout the whole fic u perfectly captured his thought process n how he denies his own capacity for change n how he HAS changed from when he was 18 BUT THIS LINE MADE ME TEAR UPPPPPP

"He is so completely and irrevocably in love with you that Dazai doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to live in a world without you. The thought alone makes his skin crawl and his chest cave in."

self-explanatory

“Are you calling me ugly?” 

u gorgeous, gorgeous man ilysm yes you look like a rat but i'll swaddle u up in blankets n clean u up

the whole graveyard scene. DO YOU WANT ME TO CRY HELLO

“You were a kid, Osamu. You’re not some incarnate of evil for ending up where you did, you were failed by all of the adults in your life,”

ok nvm crying this hit me like a truck

"Humans cannot live without a heart, so if he’s to give you his, it’s only fair that you give him your own—though realistically, yours has already been his for a long time."

i feel like this mightve been ur fave line, but if it wasnt IT STILL IS MINE BC OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD QWQ

ranpos lil rant was so funny he's literally me frfr

“Yeah… ha, look at us, in jail at the same time! Couple goals, huh?” 

i giggled

PLS READER INVITING EVERYONE JUST TO AVOID GETTING INTERROGATED UMMM RELATABLE LMFAO

these are just some of them BUT JUST IN GENERAL, UR WRITING IS JUST MAGICAL ITS EVERYTHING IVE EVER WANTED TO READ N I LOVELOVELOVEEEE THIS SERIES N ALL UR WORKS (n u /p) SM !!! I CANT WAIT FOR UNREAL UNEARTH, I JUST KNOW IT'LL BE AMAZING !!!

RED HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU NOT TO APOLOGIZE I LITERALLY ADORE YOU IM GOING TO WEEP OMG

honestly the first scene of dazai’s pov was one of my favs to write because it pisses me off so much whenever he’s excluded from the ada panels in the manga fjsjdjsjjd so i NEEDED the opportunity to hit home that that is his FAMILY idc what asagiri says the ada is that boys family and he deserves it 🥹🤞

UGHHHHH STOP BECAUSE WHENEVER I WRITE CANONZAI ITS SO HARD TO KEEP ON THAT THIN LINE OF HIS INABILITY TO ACCEPT HIS OWN GROWTH WHILE ALSO HAVING HIM ACKNOWLEDGING ODA’S LAST WISH FOR HIM SO I REWROTE SO MANY OF HIS POVS SEVERAL TIMES BECAUSE I FELT LIKE I WASNT GRASPING IT ALL PROPERLY

the graveyard scene was one of the 3 scenes i started writing for 🥹 i literally was weeping when i finally got to it

AND ALSO THE YOU WERE A KID LINE UGHHHHHHHH BRO when i tell you that’s something that i literally want to scream at him and shake his shoulders like he was FOURTEEN WHEN MORI BROUGHT HIM IN AFTER HIS ATTEMPT !!!!! FOURTEEN !!!!! HE WAS A BABY IT MAKES ME SO SAD WHEN HE FRAMES HIMSELF AS SOME IRREDEEMABLE MONSTER WHEN HE ONLY TURNED OUT THE WAY HE DID BECAUSE HE HAD NO ADULTS IN HIS LIFE SETTING HIM ON THE RIGHT TRACK ugh im gonna weep again i will always be dazai’s #1 defender, i will fight him himself idc he was only a lil baby :’)

oh my god fun fact i actually almost deleted that line about the heart, i don’t even know why like i was rereading it right before i post and i second guessed myself because i was like ‘i don’t think it rlly flows’ but then i decided against removing it because i liked the line in general SO IM WEEPING AGAIB

bro ranpo needs a promotion for real the headaches this man must get because of people not listening to him 💀

HDOSJDJSJDJJD THE COUPLES GOAL LINE WHEN I TELL YOU I SNORTED WRITING IT HELPPPPP I WAS GIGGLING SO HARD

RED ILYSM IM BUNDLING YOU IN THE SOFTEST BLANKETS AND GIVING YOU A FOREHEAD KISS

i’m so excited for unreal unearth like honestly it’s my pride and joy, i’m so pleased with how my beast!dazai characterization has come out so far and i’m hoping everyone else is going to like it too 🥹 if not ill simply die HAHAH JK JK JK no but really i’m so very excited for it

[dangans-ur-ronpas]

Chapter 12

UH OH

SEE HERE FOR GENERAL WARNINGS AND FIC SUMMARY

Some pre-chapter notes:

trying to move away from writing toko like chunsoft and adding more to her character (she's traumatized she wants to be loved but she's going about it in the worst way) but in the end none of her actions are condoned. she's fucked up still sorry but written in a more sympathetic light i hope?

syo WILL be in this fic but i do my best to make her hand-wavy explanation ambiguous (fuck whatever canon says about 'textbook split personality' btw)

@moonlighttogami and @tokiwigiwi :)

Content warning tags: implication of stalking/blackmail, Toko-expected creepiness, use of violence, character death

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He’s not sure how much time passes when the door opens again.

“Finally,” He huffs, not bothering to turn. “Took you long enough. Honestly, how long does it take-”

He halts, as the intruder steps into the room, and quickly clicks his handbook shut. These weren’t Makoto’s footsteps. And - he surreptitiously covers his nose - that wasn’t Makoto’s smell. But he knows whose it was.

“...Toko. What do you want.” He turns and glares at the girl who has intruded on his space. She fidgets where she stands, a thin shadow of dark purple. The smell of her has grown stronger over the past few weeks, and hangs around her like a miasma.

“M-master Byakuya…”

He feels a full-bodied shiver of disgust run over his skin. “Don’t call me that.”

She ignores him, and carries on. “A-about last night…”

Right. To be completely honest, he was hoping that he had scared her enough the night before to make her leave him alone entirely. But he’s not surprised either; if she had the nerve to blatantly try and look at his secret, it wasn’t surprising that she had the boldness to try and confront him like this.

“What about last night.” He says stiffly, and she jumps as if shocked.

“I-I know about your eyes!” She blurts at last. “A-and, I know Ch-Chihiro knows it too…I, I heard you t-talking about it i-in the b-bathhouse last night…”

He feels his lip curling, revolted. Of course she had eavesdropped; she was quickly proving to be one of the more annoying stalkers he’d ever had the displeasure of dealing with. The number of people who were aware of his condition was also rapidly increasing against his will. At this point he might as well do the same as Fujisaki and announce it out loud.

Fukawa continues in her irritating stutter. “A-and…y-your envelope…” He freezes immediately, suddenly latching on to her every word.

“What did it say?” He demands, and she flinches - shivers? - arms crossing over her torso.

“I-if I t-tell you, y-you won’t w-want anything to d-do with m-me anymore…” She mutters, seemingly to herself, and he feels another wave of revulsion roll over him.

“Out with it. I already want nothing to do with you, but if you don’t speak up now-” 

What will he do? He tries to come up with a threat that can hold actual weight, but they all sound pathetic, even to himself. If only Makoto were here, he could at least get him to chase her away…how long does it take to talk to three people, anyways?

Ironically, it’s Fukawa who saves him from having to think of something. “I-I know you’re r-really mad at m-me for r-reading your secret last night,” She continues, and she’s swaying slightly, as if drunk. “U-um, I-I promise n-not to t-tell anyone! About your eyes, o-or your envelope…a-and, I’ll t-tell you mine, t-too.”

“I’m not interested.” He says flatly. “Tell me what was written in my envelope. Now.”

She shakes her head instead. “I-I know th-there’s no way for you t-to have r-read yours yet, right? S-so only I know!” The light catches on her spectacles, and it gives the illusion of two, illuminated orbs on her face. “W-which makes me m-more special than M-Makoto, or Chihiro, right?”

She sounds deranged. Her voice is pitched with desperation, and she’s breathing heavily. She takes a step closer. “I-I know all your s-secrets, and once y-you know mine…s-so you can r-rely on me, m-more than Makoto, o-or Chihiro?” Another step, and the floorboard creaks. “I-I’ll do better than th-them! And, and I can accept you f-for all your secrets, s-so, you don’t n-need them, I promise!”

“Stay back.” He snaps, shifting backwards. The revulsion was curdling, mixing with fear, and crawling down his back like something physical, like the vile, unwanted sensation of fingernails, tickling over his skin. He hates this irrational panic - she was just a girl, and a pathetic one at that - but here he was, shying away anyways, unable to discern her next move, her intentions. “I’m warning you-”

She lurches forward, and he takes an inadvertent step back. His back meets the bookshelf; he was trapped. “S-so don’t get scared,” She says, though these words really only have the opposite effect on him. “D-do you remember the news, a few y-years back? A-about Genocider S-Syo?”

Genocider Syo? The name sounds familiar, but it takes him a moment to place where he’s heard it before. It was a few years before he enrolled at Hope’s Peak, while in transit to some social gathering or another; Pennyworth had left the car radio tuned to the local news. 

“The serial killer?” He asks aloud, as he subtly searches the shelves behind him, trying to find something to use as a weapon. The tip of his index finger catches on the spine of a large, plastic-bound copy of some textbook or another, and he leverages it slowly out of the shelf, feeling sweat beginning to slicken its cover.

She nods eagerly, her braids bouncing. “I-I knew you’d kn-know about it,” She sounds relieved, somehow, voice breathless. “Y-you know, th-the first place Syo turned up was the town w-where I was b-born…i-it was my f-first crush that was the f-first victim, y’know?”

It clicks together quickly for him. The radio announcer had described bloody and ugly scenes of murder, the displayed corpses of young men and boys, all attributed to a mysterious killer with a penchant for stabbing their victims. And now standing before him was a clearly-deranged, unwell girl, well-known for her romance novels, and apparently obsessed with him.

“I-it’s okay!” She says hurriedly, as he presses himself closer to the shelf. “Sh-she only c-comes out when I-I’m really t-tired, o-or if I see b-blood…b-but, I c-can control her! I am controlling her, I promise!” She steps forward again, and this close, he can see the sickly flush on her face, the shine of sweat - tears? - down her cheeks. “I’ve b-been working s-so hard, s-so she won’t h-hurt anyone again…so it’s o-okay! I c-can be good! See?” She hiccups slightly, she must be crying. He can’t imagine why. “S-so now we can be equal, r-right?!”

She staggers towards him again, and he reacts before he can even think twice about it, yanking the book from its shelf and swinging blindly. The edge catches her across the face, whipping it sharply to the side with a sickly crack and a squeal - there’s a crest of blood, splattering up the length of the book, he can feel a few warm drops splash his hand, the skin crawling where it landed - and she crashes against the shelves with a shriek, stumbling.

“Why?!” She wails, hands shooting to her face. She sounds genuinely distraught, and she shakes as she scrubs at her nose with her palms. “I-I told you m-my biggest secret, a-and I kn-know yours…w-why won’t you tr-trust me?!”

“Trust you?!” He laughs, mirthless and a little frenzied, pitched wildly with his thudding heart. “You repulse me.” He steps forward now, book still clutched in his shaking hand. “Why would I ever trust a murderer in a killing game?”

She flinches as if his words were more physical blows, stumbling away from him and knocking against the shelf. A few books rain down, thudding open on the floor. “I-It’s not me,” She babbles, clutching at her head. “S-Syo - she’s j-just s-someone else, she’s in m-me, b-but I can c-control her, I p-promise - sh-she’s not me, she’s not me, she’s not!”

It sounds vaguely like some dramatized description of a split personality, though Byakuya had never heard of any such disorder that matched Fukawa’s apparently extreme case. Whatever the girl had going on would probably warrant its own DSM volume, but he wasn’t particularly interested in that. “I don’t care if she’s a ghost that’s possessing you or a secret twin taking your place. I want nothing to do with either of you.”

“B-but-”

“Get out.” He snarls, chest heaving. “If I hear anything - anything - on my condition, I will make you wish you were dead.” She doesn’t move, and he feels his teeth clench enough to creak. “I said, OUT.”

She darts, stumbling and stepping through one of the piles of boxes on the floor, completely breaking through the lid. Whatever was inside it stays looped around her ankle as she kicks the lid off, and clicks against the floor as she sprints away, her sobs fading as she goes.

___

For safety, he blocks off the door to the library with the chair, jamming it beneath the handles.

Then, he waits for Makoto, pacing, agitated. Really, how long could it take to accompany one person to talk to three people? His clock in his handbook stated that hardly an hour had passed since Makoto first left, and ten minutes since he sent Fukawa away. Surely, he had to be coming back eventually?

Not that there was anything keeping Byakuya in the library, other than his own uncertainty regarding his safety. Considering that he knew Fukawa’s alternate identity, and her apparent infatuation with him, it would be foolish to make the trek back to his room alone.

He stops pacing, frustration and restlessness boiling over. And returns to the files, shuffling through them, handbook held aloft to read the names printed on the edge of each folder, ignoring the ones that clatter to the ground after he shoves them haphazardly back. Finally, he comes across the one he's looking for, and slides it out of the shelf.

The front of it is stamped with the title in silver: ‘The Murder Cases of Genocider Syo: Top Secret’. He flips it open.

The text is interspersed with images of the victims before and after their unfortunate encounters with Fukawa. He can’t make much out about them, other than the fact that all the murder scenes seemed similar enough; photos of pale bodies, stretched out as if crucified, splattered with blood. Their faces, which must have been twisted with agony, are merely dark smudges.

“...As with the other cases, at the scene of the crime the word ‘BLOODLUST’ was written with the victim’s blood,” Alter Ego reads aloud. “The scissors used in the murder were apparently custom-made, with every pair left at each murder scene seeming to be of the same material and construction…”

How vile. He flips through the pages (one of which is annoyingly wrinkled, and furthermore, smudged with dirt), reading through the victim's descriptions. There was a sort of morbid curiosity that drew him to read further, even as his stomach turned with the knowledge that he could end up like one of these men; pinned like a butterfly for the killer to admire and laud over.

He snaps the file shut at last, feeling nauseous, and sinks down with his back against the shelf, suddenly exhausted - the adrenaline from Fukawa’s confrontation is gone, leaving behind a bone-deep fatigue. Sluggishly, he categorizes what he knows:

One: Fukawa was also Genocider Syo, a notorious serial killer who targeted young men.

Two: Fukawa both knew he was blind, and the contents of his envelope. He reaches into his pocket and feels for it, the paper now crinkled and warped. He still can’t bring himself to try and use Alter Ego to read its contents, but so long as Fukawa knew…there was little he could do about it.

That brought him to three: Fukawa was apparently obsessed with him. That was clear from the start, but he underestimated how dangerous her infatuation was. What she wanted from him was, apparently, some kind of romanticized relationship, if her mutterings about mutually sharing secrets and calling him ‘master’ was anything to go by, but nothing that could possibly be built on equal footing. Not if she was trying to leverage the envelope’s contents and his blindness against him.

He pauses at that. Did Fukawa know he was capable of using Alter Ego through his handbook to read? If she did, then there was no point in her trying to hold it over him. But then that meant she might try to manipulate him in other ways, the most simplest being blackmail. For that, he’d need to silence her…

And to do that, I would need to kill.

He drums his fingers against the hardwood floor. It’d be hard, but he could do it. She was already fixated on him, it should be easy enough to lure her somewhere and take care of her, either with a blunt-force weapon or strangulation - stabbing was too messy with the blood splatter - but the real difficulty then was how to conceal his tracks. 

He thinks for a moment of Maizono, and how she had swapped rooms with Makoto solely for this intention. He thought her foolish then, but in hindsight, it really was an impressive display of quick thinking…though, it wasn’t one that he could copy.

What if he did it in a shared space? In one of the empty classrooms? People hardly went into these rooms, and it’d be harder to pin down the culprit. But he’d have to be fast about it, and careful; anyone who sees him or Fukawa entering that space, or leaving it, could easily identify him as the suspect. It’d have to happen at night.

But, she’s also smarter than she looks… He rubs at his temples now, frowning. She might see the similarities between this and Maizono’s attempt, and realize it’s a trap. I can’t risk that. It’d be easier if I could easily pin it on someone, but the amount of people who might be stupid or willing enough to let themselves be used…

The list was very short. Makoto, who was already a non-option. Yamada, who was too closely allied with Celeste to be trusted. Hagakure, who was too paranoid to be easily led into anything anyways...

And Chihiro.

He’s suddenly struck with the realization that if he succeeds, the others die. It would not be just one person’s blood on his hands, it would be multiple, including those he chooses not to directly involve. He hesitates, for an instant - and then lowers his hands slowly, a sense of defeat settling over him.

He’s already failed before he even started. This game could only have one winner, and if he could not fully commit himself to that role and accept the consequences of it, then he was never a real competitor to begin with. Circles within circles. He was back to the start.

Frustration isn’t something he’s unfamiliar with, but it’s been a long time since he’s felt so overwhelmed with it, as he tilts his head back, knocking it against the shelf as he stares blankly at the brown fog of the ceiling. And then slams a fist against the floor, hissing venomous, ugly curses under his breath. If only he had his eyes, again - he wouldn’t need to be so concerned with such things, wouldn’t need to waver - and yet.

Where the hell is Makoto? He thinks numbly, exhausted with it all. He was sick of being left with nothing but his nerves, and how long did it take to talk to just three people anyways?

Thump, thump, thump.

A rhythmic banging snaps him out of his thoughts. For a moment, he thinks it’s coming from the door, and clumsily pushes himself up, while fumbling for something, anything, to use as a weapon - his hands find the hard, stiff cover of a case file, still on the floor - and stares down the door, waiting for someone to break through it-

But nothing. The chair that’s stuck under the doorknob hasn’t even budged, from what he can tell. The banging continues, and he realizes it sounds more like hammering than knocking. It wasn’t even against the library door.

Construction? Hagakure did mention hearing construction sounds earlier. Was Monokuma building something again?

The sound ends, replaced by footsteps approaching his door. He tenses, taking a step back, but a moment later, the footsteps patter down the hall and away, fading out of earshot. 

He stays where he is for a long moment, caught between terror and curiosity. Curiosity wins out, and he steps slowly to the door, hesitating once more with one hand on the chair.

But before he can even do anything, the air is pierced by a blood-curdling scream, and he throws the chair away, yanking the door open-

Only to be met with the sight of Chihiro Fujisaki’s corpse.

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[gvtted-ratz]

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Look Outside The Window

Jay Merrick/Skully x M!Reader

Last Edited: July 4, 2021 12:03 AM

TW: stalking, obsessive behavior

Requested: no

AO3 LINK -> HERE

Notes: these used 2 be posted but i deleted them after some comments made me hate them. however, i found them again recently n may end up adding more. i also do not hate them anymore. tws will be in the notes before every chapter and some will be put in the additional tags. the character is also in the notes/summary before each chapter. (The 1st 4 r old n unedited)

You had needed an out. You needed to get away from home. Your parents did nothing but trap you there. You couldn’t make your own decisions or even buy anything with your own money without them talking you down or insulting you over it. They wanted you to live with them and go by their rules. They didn’t care about what you wanted in life and only saw you as their “little boy”. You weren’t a child anymore; you were a young adult. They were constantly trying to infantilize you and you hated it. You were a young adult and you needed to branch out, make mistakes, and move on. So that’s what you did. You left home after finding a house-sitting job.

The job would last a few months, which was odd to you. Why house sit for months on end? The owners didn’t tell you anything. You didn’t even call. You emailed them and they emailed you. Every interaction with the couple was through emails. Or at least, you think the person messaging you is in a relationship. It sounded that way. One part of the email said, “We’ll be leaving the house to you. My partner and I are going on vacation for a few months. You can watch and live in the house while there. Your pay will be sent to you in a check via mail. The groceries will be delivered to you once a week. May you watch it carefully.” The last part gave you a sense of foreboding, almost like you should be watching out for something out in the house deep in the woods.

When you had arrived at the house, you were pleasantly surprised to find it very tidy. Everything was spotless in the two-story home. It held four bedrooms and three bathrooms. There was a dining room, living room, family room, kitchen, foyer, dressing area, and a nook. Overall, a large house. Well, a large house for a simple couple. Perhaps the couple has quite a bit of money? Especially if they’re going on vacation for a few months and are paying you a large sum to simply watch the lonely house in the woods.

The first few days were fine. Nothing really happened other than the feeling of being watched. What creeped you out the most though was that you never heard any birds. It was always silent outside. Silent and still. There was barely any wind thanks to the dense forestry. Despite that, the feeling of being watched continued. Sometimes, though, you would hear gentle buzzing in your ears. It reminded you of bees but it sounded more like an old tape. Whenever you heard it, it seemed like static covered your eyesight. You could still see, but the static was like a film over your sight. Whenever you would look in the mirror, your eyes seemed to have a slight glaze over them. Of course, there wasn’t much you could do and no amount of searching the internet seemed to help.

By the second week, you were hearing birds. There was something… off about them. They didn’t sound lively. They sounded hollow. Almost like something was mimicking them. You would hear them next to whichever window you were closest to as well. It was like something was by the window, mimicking the birds only when you’re there. It didn’t happen all throughout the day either. It only happened when you weren’t doing something. If you were to turn off the television, ready to get started on a meal, the chirping and singing would start up. Because of how hollow and synthetic it sounded, shivers would run all over your body. It didn’t help that the static over your vision seemed to get slightly worse whenever it would happen; the buzzing in your ears also seemed to get louder. At night, however, there was no chirping or singing. The static seemed to have tripled at that point though and the buzzing was so loud that you could barely hear your heartbeat and breathing.

By the first month, you were looking outside constantly. The bird noises seemed to happen constantly by now and notes started to appear around your home. When you would try to sleep, the hollow tune of the birds would be there despite the fact that no birds were out. The buzzing was so loud that it was all you would hear. The static was so bad that it completely covered your sight; it was like looking at a static screen. The notes terrified you. There were never any footprints in the snow outside and you were the only one in the home. You believed, at first, that you were writing them. Maybe you had been half asleep and wrote them. But that changed when the notes didn’t match your handwriting and started to be… weird.

You look handsome today. One said. Do you like the birds? They don’t seem very lively though. Another read. I wish you would see me. You always know I’m there thanks to the static and buzzing. Maybe we’ll meet soon. More and more would come in. They were always placed where you’d see them. A window. The fridge. Even on the television. They were taped there, all signed with an S. One was even on your bedroom door. How did someone get in and out without leaving any footprints or any evidence behind? You didn’t know but it started to make you close every curtain and try to raise the volume of everything, trying so hard to drown out the unlively birds.

Today was just like the last few. The static over your vision makes it hard to see right with how thick it is. The buzzing in your ears is loud, but not loud enough to drown out the synthetic birds. You make breakfast for yourself, dressed in some simple sleepwear. The breakfast you make doesn’t take too long, just some scrambled eggs and toast with jam. You eat in silence; well, not entirely in silence thanks to the buzzing and birds. When you finish your breakfast, you wash the plate and other utensils you had used to make your meal. Once done, you decided to do some light stretching in the living room. There wasn’t much you could do in the home. Outside was too cold for you to explore the wilderness without sustaining frostbite.

All of the curtains were closed except for one. It was the closest to the television. You were going to close it before spotting the note taped on the box. You stare at the note before tearing it off the screen. It reads: Look Outside The Window . You pause, staring at the note. The buzzing slowly starts to get louder just as the static over your sight starts to worsen. The birds, however, stop chirping. There’s only the buzzing. Slowly, you look towards the window. Nothing. Nothing but still snow.

A small smile worms its way only your face, mocking. A small, forced chuckle leaves your lips before you turn around, ready to head back into the kitchen to make some tea to calm your beating heart. You freeze though when you see the figure standing in the doorway. The beige-orange coat covers most of their figure while the black-ish blue hood covers their face. They have on a pair of gloves, the same colour as their hood. Their pants are a simple pair of jeans while their shoes seem to be black combat boots. Seeing a figure in your home is terrifying, yes. It wouldn’t have been as scary if the figure didn’t have a mask on. The mask was an off-white-ish colour with black eyeholes, high black eyebrows, and a box shape for the mouth, somewhat resembling teeth.

You both stand there, no one moving. The buzzing is so loud now that you can barely hear your own heart and breathing. The static is so bad that you can barely see the figure clearly. “IT’s NiCe To FiNaLlY mEeT yOu, [Redacted],” They, or he, says. His voice sounded weird. It was like a mix of different pitches and he couldn’t decide which one was best and went with all of them. You didn’t think though, only acted. You quickly dropped the note and fled the living room. You could hear him following you as you ran for the back door. You slam into it, trying to unlock it. “YoU dOn’T wAnT tO gO oUtSiDe! It’S tOo CoLd FoR yOu. EsPeCiAlLy WiTh HoW yOu’Re DrEsSeD!” You don’t listen though, not even as he slowly approaches you. With a final turn of the knob, the door is flung open and you run out into the snow.

It’s cold and stings your feet. You run and run and run. You don’t once look back, too scared that he may be right there. You don’t hear him following you, but that’s due to the buzzing. It’s so loud now that it’s all you can hear. You’re basically running blind; the static is so thick that seeing your surroundings is almost impossible. You stumble around mostly, hands in front of you so you don’t run face-first into any trees.

You’re unsure of how long you have been running. All you know for sure is that you can’t see anything anymore, the buzzing is starting to give you a headache, you feel like you’re sweating buckets beside the fact that your legs, arms, fingers, and toes are going numb. It isn’t long before you collapse. You’re breathing heavily, panting in the snow. You can feel yourself shaking despite feeling so hot, so overheated. Your hair sticks to your forehead as you continue to sweat. You try to move, to drag yourself somewhere but your body refuses. You lay there, your eyes open despite them wanting to close. The static is still strong, just like the buzzing. They scream danger but your body refuses to listen.

As more time passes, you feel yourself slowly going numb, your eyes fluttering every now and then, trying to close. The static slowly starts to fade away until it’s back to the normal, barely there, state. The buzzing fades into a gentle hum, it barely being able to be heard. You can hear how heavy your breaths are and see the pure white of the snow. One of your hands is in front of you, pale and slowly turning blue. Frostbite will, or already has, set in. Were you going to die out here? Here, all alone. Nothing to your name. No one looking for you besides your parents. Who would find your body? Or would the masked man hide your body away, letting it decay somewhere?

You can hear the crunch of the snow and gentle humming coming your way. It seems the man has come for you. His pace is slow, not at all rushed. Soon enough, he walks into your field of vision. He crouches down, sitting on the balls of his feet. His gloved hand is brought up before it comes through your hair. “LoOk At YoU. A sHiVeRiNg, HaNdSoMe MeSs. As MuCh As I lIkE hOw YoU lOoK rIgHt NoW, bEiNg VuLnErAbLe AnD aLl, YoU’rE tUrNiNg BlUe,” As soon as those words leave his mouth, he scoops you up in his arms, holding you close to him tightly. “DoN’t WoRrY. I’lL tAkE gOoD cArE oF yOu. I lOvE yOu ToO mUcH nOt To. YoU’lL bE sAfElY tUcKeD aWaY iN tHaT hOuSe, WiTh Me By YoUr SiDe To KeEp YoU cOmPaNy. NoW dOeSn’T tHaT sOuNd NiCe?”

[isekai-crow]

Delicious in Dungeon / Dungeon Meshi Episode 1

WOW the pacing on this is great. That was my first major impression of this entire episode.

Overall Score so far: 8/10

Dungeon Meshi hits several sweet spots for things I like in a manga/anime - cooking and well drawn food, and fantasy and dungeons. But I never took the time to try out the manga. Maybe the art didn't stick out for me? I tried reading it before the anime came out, just to get a feel for it, but it couldn't keep my attention.

The anime however.

Episode 1 handled all of what I could get through in the manga, and ITS. SO. CUTE.

The food is gorgeously drawn, the characters are adorable, the D&D vibes are immaculate, and the monsters and the food they become are fascinating!

I've only given it an 8/10 because it remains to be seen just how many hooks this might snag in my heart if what I've overheard about the manga being 'soul healing' is true.

The first think I can tell is that this is from a slightly older manga, with Marcille being a very classic/traditional tsundere (and/or possibly tsukomi character?). She is the tsundere type that future tsunderes were based off, and so TO ME she's both somewhat annoying and also more bearable than today's tsunderes.

Sorry Marcille.

I actually didn't like her all that much in the parts I read of the manga, and while her reactions are realistic and serve a purpose to counter balance Laios' nonchalant ability to eat the monsters that try to kill them, her reactions also annoyed me. The 1st anime episode made them much more bearable, and I grew to like her! I hope future episodes do her justice and that she's not delegated solely to being the one to dig in her heels when they eat something new.

Laios is adorable and just really really really wants to share his special interest with his friends, and I love him. He is a cinnamon roll that most be protected but can probably protect himself. I love that he has a cookbook and has just been WAITING to try out some of these recipes.

Chilchuk is Liam O'Brien from Critical Role and you can't tell me otherwise. Specifically his halfling character, Orym of the Air Ashari, with a bit of Vax'ildan thrown in for good measure. I'm excited to explore his story.

Senshi is goals. I wanna but a tough old dwarf roaming a dungeon for food.

I know it will likely get compared with what Capybara and I jokingly call "The Amazon Anime" -- Campfire Cooking in Another World -- and that will always hold a special place in my heart because I stumbled across the light novel when the manga only had about 2 or 3 chapters scanlated online, and never in a million years thought it would get an anime. Where as this is a big name manga that's been running since 2014 and finished last year in September 2023.

They're both cooking animes that deal with fantasy food, but Campfire Cooking is an isekai and all the animation budget went into making the food look D E L I C I O U S, and Dungeon Meshi is going to be far more well rounded story even while being a gag anime.

It's also got some fun Voice Actors!!

Laios, our hungry knight is voiced by Kumagai, Kentarou, who mostly plays supporting roles in a few popular anime and lots of smaller animes, but has spent most of his career voicing BL Drama CDs >o>

Marcille, our elven mage and tsundere, is voiced by Senbongi, Sayaka - Shuna from TenSura, Mumei from Kabaneri, and Haru from Beastars!

Chilcuk, our cute little halfling rogue, is voiced by Tomari, Asuna who, I IMMEDIATELY HEARD GOBUTA FROM TENSURA. She also play Kyou Souma from Fruits Basket. She has a very cute voice.

Senshi, our fearless dwarf, is voiced by Naka, Hiroshi who is best know as Garp from One Piece, Luffy's Grandpa, as well as Gamabunta, Naruto's giant frog.

Anyways, I'm excited for the next episode! Episode 1 was a good introductory episode, with cooking, hunting, and laying out their goals for the coming journey.

ep2 ep3 ep4 ep5 ep6 <- these will eventually become links, I hope.

[wooahaes]

sweet night [pt.9]

pairing: non-idol!mingyu x fem!reader

word count: ~6.0k

warnings: seungkwan heavy chapter, little actual mingyu content. mention of a flashback. rain/storm warning. more emotional talks. angst.

daisy’s notes: honestly u can thank holly for me posting this one now instead of waiting lol

summary: As the adopted daughter of the Kim family and current heir to the   company, you have it all. An arranged marriage with your soon-to-be fiance who you truly fell in love with, respect from your workers for being good at your job, a good relationship with both your family and your good friends… What more could you want out of life? And yet all it takes is one night for everything to fall down, and one man to help pick up the pieces.  

< previous part || masterlist || next part >

Kibum, as your big brother, knew you better than most people did.

He knew that you’re a strong person. You’d face your challenges and steel your nerves to get through them, no matter what people thought of you. Even when he heard the news of what happened, Kibum knew that you would be okay. Still, he knew you well. He knew that sometimes you’d call him and ask to meet up, always with this quiet pleading tone in your voice. It never took him long to figure out what you needed when he heard it, because it was the same tone you’ve always used with him when you were growing up. The very quiet I need my brother here tone: softer than usual, and so much more genuine than the voice you put on when you face work. A quiet plea for company that no one else could provide you.

You had called him and asked him to meet you for lunch with that same tone of voice, and Kibum knew that you needed to talk. He told you to pick the place, and he drove there as soon as he knew you’d be getting off for your lunch break. When you finally showed up, he was already there--excusing it as the (very true) fact that he’d already been in the area for work. He saw the way your eyes widened when you saw him, but that surprise faded fast and was replaced by comfort.

“So? Spill,” Kibum had said, leaning back into his chair a little casually. “What did he do now?”

You cracked a small, uneasy smile. “You act like Mingyu’s always doing something.”

Kibum stared at you for a moment, surprise lighting up his eyes. “Isn’t he?” He recovered well, but not well enough. You could tell that the hesitation came from expecting to hear Seungkwan’s name from you. “So? Spill,” he repeated. “Something’s obviously bothering you if you want to talk to me about it.”

You sucked in your cheeks a little. “Kibum--”

“I know you,” he said. “You want an honest opinion. So tell me what’s bothering you.”

You hesitated as a waiter refilled your glass before walking off again. You looked down at your hands a moment later. “I don’t know if I want to marry Mingyu anymore.”

“And?” Kibum pushed a little, watching you carefully. “That’s not all.” Your brother knew you far too well for that.

Again, the words were hard to get out. “I think I’m falling in love with him.” 

With that, you needed to explain. Everything spilled out of you as a result: the dates the two of you went on, the domesticity of your living situation... and the fact he’s supposed to propose to you in a few days. It felt as though things were beginning to change between you and Mingyu, and last night was just the first time you realized it. All it took was looking over and seeing him, breathless and happy next to you underneath the stars, for you to realize the warm feeling in your chest was a direct response to the way he cared so deeply for you. He made you feel loved.

“I think...” You stared at your fingers, focusing on the little imperfections in your nails. “I feel like I’m latching onto Mingyu because he’s being kind to me. These aren’t dates, we’re just going out and being ourselves together. There’s no stress to be anyone or anything else.” For a moment, you paused. “I feel like I can be myself with him,” and you knew that Kibum was giving you a look, knowing exactly how those words sounded. “And I can’t help but think I’m starting to fall in love with him, which isn’t fair because he’s my best friend. He doesn’t love me like that.” Pain sparked up from how tightly your hands were curled around one another, nails now digging into your skin. “It’s too soon.”

“Everyone moves on differently,” Kibum said. “Some people obviously before the relationship is over--”

You gave him a pointed look, “Kibum.”

“--And some people take longer. It’s been over a month since what happened.” Kibum paused, watching you before deciding to choose his words carefully, as to not offend. “If you needed longer, you wouldn’t call me. You wouldn’t tell anyone of this.” Kibum reached out, gently unwrapping your hand and holding it. “If you think you’re ready to move on, then I support you.”

“Mingyu doesn’t love me like that.”

He pulled his hand away with a hard exhale out of his nose, looking away. He clicked his tongue, before giving you this pointed look as though you’d just lied to his face, “Are you sure?”

“Why would Mingyu love me?” You frowned. You didn’t think you were Mingyu’s type. Mingyu was smart and handsome and caring and kind and you were...

Well. You were you.

“Why did Seungkwan?” Kibum asked, “Why does anyone? Because you’re you. Just because you don’t see the reasons people love you doesn’t mean that they aren’t there. You care about people. I see it in the way you worry over the people who work for you.” When you tore your gaze away with this pout, Kibum merely paused before switching gears. “Do you know why our parents let you date Seungkwan for so long?”

“Because I told them I wanted to wait--”

“Because you two loved each other,” Kibum said. “And you actually cared about each other. All of us thought that you two were going to get married for a reason. I don’t know what happened to Seungkwan, but you two clearly connected. It’s all in the past now, but... You stood up for his comfort. You cared, and you care about Mingyu now. You’re so focused on how Mingyu feels that you don’t pay attention to how you feel.”

You furrowed your brow. “What?”

“Do you remember what you said to me after I came back from London?” Kibum didn’t give you a chance to answer, “You said you wanted to marry someone you like even if it’s for the company. What about you?”

You opened your mouth to respond, only to hesitate. “But the company--”

“Who cares about the company right now?!” Kibum rolled his eyes, turning back to you with a more stern expression. “You are not the company no matter how much you feel like you are. I’ve always worried about you because you’re married to your job--but you said it yourself. You go out with Mingyu and you don’t have to worry about work. You can just be you when you’re with him. Would you really be going out with him if all of this was just pretend?”

Would you? You’d spent time with Mingyu before, just as friends, back when you were dating Seungkwan. But these... not-dates were beginning to feel a little less so. The night on the boat, buying rings with him, falling into the grass and laughing... It all felt different. When you thought about it, you remembered the butterflies you felt with Seungkwan. The cozy feeling of loving and being loved in return. Maybe, if you truly had to think about it and compare, it felt even better when you were with Mingyu. In a way, it was healing.

When you lost Seungkwan’s love, you had felt broken. All of it had been suffocating. The shame of losing his love so publicly, the fact that he couldn’t come to you directly and tell you how he truly felt, the guilt over not seeing it sooner... It had broken you deeper than anything else. Yet when you were with Mingyu, that ache was soothed. He’d rescued you that night, and his care had helped you pick up the shattered piece and start putting them together again. Staying with him made you feel like you had a safe place to heal. Every move he’d made, he did it to take care of you. From bringing you back to his home so you had a private place to mourn the death of your relationship in peace, to moving you into his spare room so you could live with less stress instead of finding a hotel room or an apartment on such short notice. Even his proposal to you had been born from you venting your frustrations about having to date again, and solidified as a decision the two of you made to take your fates back into your own hands. Mingyu had chosen a happy business-fueled marriage with you, one of his best friends, over risking any alternative. He gave you safety when you needed it the most, and something about that made your heart yearn.

“I think you know.”

You did.

You were sure that you were starting to fall in love with Kim Mingyu.

The skies had grown darker outside, and you were stuck listening to Kibum fuss at you over keeping his old college car. You were going to call a taxi to go back to work, but the moment you said so, Kibum insisted that he’d drive you and drop you off. Admitting that you knew you’d been having problems with his car was only another nail in your coffin, because Kibum (as your older brother and occasional second mom) knew you were smarter than to keep something like that. You told him you knew it needed to have work done, but it completely broke down before you could have that appointment scheduled. You could afford a new one, sure, but you liked your car. It made you feel closer to your brother, after all. So instead of talking back to Kibum, you let him lecture you while you reminisce instead.

Two years ago, you’d been like this: heading back to your work building after lunch. However, that time had been a lunch meeting with a client your parents had sent you to. There was no Secretary Lee at this point to take care of you, no office to yourself: you hadn’t risen that high yet. Of course, traffic had been rough for you that day, and it meant that you would have been late to your next meeting with your parents and another company (something about cosmetics--you’d double check your information on the elevator ride up) had you not left as early as you were able to. They’d told you to make sure that you looked nice because this meeting was vital for you to attend.

Which only told you one thing: you were about to meet your future husband.

Ever since you’d entered the company, you knew that this day would come. That one day, you’d be married off to the son of some wealthy businessman, as much as you dreaded that thought. Although you’d never spoken about it (except to Kibum, once, and never again because he’d teased you about it), you were a bit of a hopeless romantic. You’d grown up watching dramas with your brother and grandmother, and seeing your parents love each other genuinely. Things would be different for you, though, and you knew that. Still, you couldn’t help but dream of a loving romance instead of one done like this.

You had reached out to press the button for your floor when you saw a young man quickly leave the front desk when he saw you in the elevator. He’d called out for you to please hold it the moment you clicked the button, doors already shutting by the time he arrived. You could hear the faint thump of his body making an impact (or maybe just his fist--you’d never be sure) while you were pressing the button to open the doors rapidly, as if it’d force them open faster.

A moment later, you were greeted with a wide-eyed young man who’d turned when he heard the doors open. You hadn’t caught everything he’d said under his breath, but you were pretty sure he’d been softly cursing you out. Instead, he thanked you quietly, and stepped in--keeping a decent amount of space between the two of you.

You pressed the button for floor seventeen. “What floor?”

He rattled off the same number, and you merely stepped back as the doors shut without much of a comment. A nice coincidence in all of this mess.

Despite your hesitation, you looked over at the young man. He looked close to your own age, although you couldn’t be sure if he was older or younger (his chubby cheeks were kinda cute, in your opinion). “Are you late?”

He nodded quietly, adjusting his tie. He glanced up at you, sheepish already, and admitted a “Almost.” He continued on after a moment, “I misread the address,” and he continued to fix the lapel of his jacket.

You could understand that. Your habit of leaving early for things had saved you time and time again whenever you made the same mistake while getting to restaurants you weren’t familiar with or businesses across the city. At least that habit, ingrained into you by your family, was good. “I understand.”

He nodded. “It isn’t too bad,” he said, clearly not thinking much as he stared ahead. “At least a pretty lady held the elevator for me...”

The compliment had made you smile. “Oh? How nice,” you teased lightly.

Immediately, color began to leak into his face as he grew more and more flustered. “Ah, I mean--I meant you--” He stammered, gaze meeting your own. “Not that I meant to flirt--I’m--I’m taken now. Sorry.”

Although you almost wanted to tease him (taken now? He sure didn’t sound confident), you giggled at how cute he was. “It’s okay,” you said. Had you been alone, you would have leaned against the elevator wall. You hated how slow this thing moved sometimes, the number just now ticking to nine “I won’t tell.”

“You won’t?” He breathed a sigh of relief. “Good...” He looked away from you, scratching the back of his neck before sheepishly stealing another look your way. “Do I look okay? I almost spilled coffee on myself earlier,” he said, again not really thinking in a way that was actually pretty cute to you. Maybe it was because he was so close to your age that he was so open and honest. Like he could let his guard down when he was around you.

“You look cute,” you giggled. “Your partner must be lucky.”

His face immediately started going red, and he tore his eyes away from you. “I don’t think she is,” he said after a moment. “We, um, we don’t really have a choice here.”

Ah. Another person in an arranged marriage. “I know the feeling,” you said. Floor sixteen... “I hope you have a happy marriage nonetheless,” you began to straighten yourself out a little bit. “It’s important to find things that you love about the other person at least, even if you can’t love them entirely.”

“But is that fair?” The doors opened. “If you can’t love someone entirely, then it doesn’t feel fair. Even marrying a friend is better than marrying a stranger.”

The two of you stepped out together, and you faced him. “Maybe so,” you said. “But we don’t get that luxury, do we?” You took a small step back after checking the time, thankful you could take a moment for yourself in the bathrooms to freshen up. “Good luck,” you simply told him, “I hope you learn to love her.”

And he nodded back, wishing you the same as the two of you parted ways. You carefully fixed your makeup in the bathroom mirror, making sure that you looked presentable for what was about to happen. All you could do was gather your courage, taking one final deep breath and exhaling before straightening. With your nerves steeled, you made your way to the meeting room a single minute past the appointed time. You entered, bowing in respect as your parents had taught you to, and apologized for taking a moment for yourself. Then you straightened up, and realized who stood with his parents now.

Your parents introduced you to Boo Seungkwan, who immediately began to apologize for not recognizing you immediately. He didn’t want to assume that you were you and then be wrong (and have to deal with that situation as well). He wasn’t able to see your plastic ID on your lanyard, after all.

“I’m sorry I called you pretty,” he said, only to realize what he said. “Not that you aren’t pretty! You’re... You’re very pretty,” he said, “but you’ve worked hard to get to where you are. It’s an honor to meet you,” he said, taking your hands in his own, “please take care of me as we move forward.”

You’d smiled to yourself, already endeared to this awkwardly cute man who’d stumbled into your life. All you could do was ask that he did the same.

When Kibum finally dropped you off, you felt a drop of rain hit your nose. Stepping underneath the shelter, you watched the beginnings of rain as they hit the pavement before sighing. Hopefully the rain wouldn’t become too heavy--you’d left your umbrella at home that day. Yet, as the universe seemed to be against you again, you’d watched as it evolved into a heavier downpour that left you stranded at your building after everyone had started to leave. Your driver had said he’d call a different repair shop for you rather than fully admit defeat (you were already beginning to look up cars in your spare time, just to have a back-up plan), Mingyu had his driver drop you off at your work, and now you were stuck unless you wanted to call Kibum again. Mingyu had a business dinner around this time, and you likely wouldn’t see his driver for a while due to the heavier traffic. So instead you decided to call him, thanking him for trying to come get you, but that Secretary Lee had offered to drive you home instead. It’d been a lie--you were fully planning to get a taxi as soon as you could and not worry anyone further--but at least you weren’t inconveniencing anyone. 

Although you were starting to regret it. With this weather, it was hard to get anyone. Most services were overly busy, and you were left sitting in the lobby, trying to get through as you paced to and fro. If only you hadn’t forgotten your umbrella--you would have tried to make it to the nearest bus station if you could. You always had the bad habit of forgetting the thing, and it didn’t help that you felt worse whenever you had to ask Seungkwan to bring it to you or for Chan to fetch it if he didn’t mind. It was your favorite umbrella, bright blue with this elegant darker pattern around the rim of it. It’d been a gift from Kibum, who thought the cute design fit you. You always thought of clearer skies when you used it.

Sitting down by the window, you began to weigh your options. Maybe you could call Minghao or Junhui--or maybe Soonyoung, who you were pretty sure didn’t live far from the building since you’d stayed late one day. He’d left at the end of the work day, only to be back within thirty minutes because he’d forgotten his portable charger (and he’d stopped in to check on you, making sure you weren’t overworking yourself too much).

Then you heard your name being called out, and there was Seungkwan with your folded umbrella in his hand.

“You forgot to take it when you moved out,” he said quietly. Seungkwan looked... bad, to put it simply. Had he been eating? Those round cheeks were slightly less so, and you couldn’t help but feel pity for him.

Then it hit you that you’d never seen him so... somber. So quiet. Even after the meeting weeks ago and the pet adoption drive. He held out the umbrella to you as he approached, and immediately backed off once you accepted it. He opened his mouth to speak, only to close it a moment later, and then he tore his gaze away from you.

With a deep breath, he finally spoke again in that same quiet voice, “Vernon told me you’re supposed to get engaged soon.” He looked up, finally meeting your eyes, “to Mingyu.”

You nodded, standing up after a moment. “And?”

“That’s good.” He took a step back. “Mingyu will treat you better.” His fingers curled tight around his briefcase, and he seemed as though he were in pain. “I know he will.”

You weren’t sure what to say, and you thought Seungkwan wasn’t sure, either. But it was the first time either of you were really speaking to one another, face to face, and alone. The first time you had Chan by your side and you could turn it into business. The second, you had Mingyu there, and you knew he had writhed a little at seeing you happy with Mingyu. Now it was just you, plain and simple and nothing more or less. Being along with him made you feel choked up, the urge to cry building stronger and stronger. You weren’t even sure why. Was it the sight of Seungkwan in general? Or the sight of him looking so... hopeless? Lost? As though everything that had made him shine was taken away from him?

“They haven’t spoken to me in over a month,” he finally said. He didn’t focus on you, gaze staring far past where you stood. “I think I lost them for good.”

Oh. Oh. “I thought you got engaged--”

He shook his head immediately. “Technically, we did. We are. But they’re upset with me,” he said, focus dropping to the floor in shame. “They should be. I know I fucked up,” he said, voice catching in his throat as he sniffled. “And I know I don’t deserve anyone’s support--and I know you hate me now and want me to go, but I...” Tears began to stream down his cheeks, and he refused to look at you as he raised his voice, “I ruined everything and I don’t know what to do anymore!”

Seungkwan broke down in front of you right then and there, and you realized just how much he’d been holding to his chest. You didn’t move from where you were standing, feeling paralyzed. “What do you mean?”

“Half of my friends won’t listen to me when I try to speak to them,” he said through a break in his sob, “and almost everyone else keeps telling me I need to talk to you. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say! I cheated on you and--and you have every right to hate me--” He wiped roughly at his eyes, “--and you should! And you do--and the person I love more than anyone else does, too. They said yes because we were in front of a crowd! I only did it so that our families knew I was serious.”

You raised your voice, anger beginning to fester, “You could have told me! I would have let you go--”

“They wouldn’t have!” He finally met your gaze again. Angry, upset, and so, so hurt. “You would have, but your parents wouldn’t! You aren’t like them. You actually cared about me and what I wanted,” he said. “I didn’t know how to tell you. You already face so much from them, I couldn’t make you break off our engagement.”

You knew things wouldn’t have been that simple. He was right about that. If you had gone to your parents to break off the engagement, you would have had to do it carefully. And what would you have even said? That Seungkwan loved someone else? Not every person like you and Seungkwan were lucky to marry for love. Seungkwan loving you at all was more than enough for them.

You took a deep breath, regaining your tight rein on your emotions. “You should have talked to me either way.”

“If I did, can you tell me you wouldn’t have gone to your parents anyway? That you wouldn’t have called your brother and gotten more people involved?” Seungkwan was going quieter again. “That you wouldn’t have taken things into your own hand even if I had begged you not to?“

You couldn’t.

“That’s why I didn’t tell you,” he said. “Because I knew you. You would have let me go and done anything to ensure that. I know everything’s all my fault,” he took a deep breath, “and I should have said something.” He went quiet for what felt like an eternity, and he took the smallest step toward you--as if to make this conversation more intimate despite no one else being around. “I think letting you go is hard. Even now, I think about how long we were together. How much of our lives were intertwined.” Seungkwan took one final deep breath as he looked at your face. You could see how wet his cheeks still were. “And I want to stop loving you.”

You didn’t have any words. All you knew was that you’d always feel the same.

“I think,” he started, a minute later, “I’ll always love you in some way. And I’m okay with that. Even if I never see them again, I loved them, too. I don’t regret either of those decisions.”

Decisions. You hiccuped, already feeling your own tears beginning to well up. “Boo--” You took a step back, “That’s not--This isn’t fair!” You snapped at him, catching him off guard. Every single emotion you’d carefully bottled up had finally shaken and burst out, shattering hard enough that you couldn’t fight back your tears any longer. “Do you know what I’ve gone through for the past month?! I had to pretend I was okay in front of my staff, I roped Mingyu into this stupid arrangement--” You sniffled, words escaping you for a moment. “And it hurts,” your voice cracked.

Seungkwan grew frustrated immediately. “It hurts me, too!” He snapped back, and you were thankful that everyone else was gone. The door had been propped open and set to lock after you shut it when you left. “You moved on so quickly--It felt like our relationship meant nothing to you! Mingyu will treat you better than I did, but it still hurts to see how you love him!”

You stared at him and the words he had so casually dropped as fact. “What?”

“You love Mingyu,” Seungkwan repeated, “and it hurts to see you love him so readily. I know I was a coward who should have talked to you, but seeing you with Mingyu hurts. He was my friend before he was yours,” he said. “And either you love him or you’re using him as a rebound--which isn’t fair for him. Be angry at me, scream at me, but don’t hurt your friend and mind just to hurt me.”

“It’s for business,” you said, and it stung to lie like that out loud. “Just like we were--”

“No.” Seungkwan was far colder now, his gaze trained steady on your. “We weren’t just business. You know that.”

You did. Two years of loving Boo Seungkwan couldn’t be just business, no matter how much you wished it was. “Mingyu is different.”

Seungkwan stared at you with wet cheeks that he finally reached up, wiping at his face with his sleeve. The silence grew between the two of you, and after a moment, he finally looked at you again with clearer eyes. “I always thought I’d  be happy with you,” he said. “I think I would have been.” And yet he swallowed hard. “Just not happy enough.”

The sentiment hurt deep, and you weren’t sure what was worse: the public proposal, or this. “You--”

“But you wouldn’t be happy, either. You would have figured it out,” Seungkwan said. “You’re smart. You would have seen the way I looked at them sooner or later. And then you’d let me go then, too. I know you. Our parents wouldn’t have let us back out. My mom supported me, but my dad didn’t think I’d go through with it. Your parents didn’t, either,” Seungkwan took a deep breath. “You deserve someone who will love you with everything they have. I’m sorry I couldn’t do that. But they’re...”

You remembered the way he looked at them. “I know.”

“I’m scared I’ve lost them,” Seungkwan said. “And if I have, then I think I deserve it. If I could go back and do it differently, then I would.”

The question burst out of you before you could think twice: “What would you do?”

He went quiet. “I would have told you first,” he finally said. “And I think... I wouldn’t propose at all. I’d take the fall entirely,” he made his way over to you, setting his briefcase aside as he took your hands in his own. “And I’d let you go right.”

You sniffled again, staring down at his hands. Even now, they were warm around your own. “I... I don’t know what to say.”

His thumb traced over your knuckles, and you realized he turned his attention to the rain outside. “Do you need a ride home?” He looked back at you. “It’s late. I can drive you there.”

With an ounce of hesitation, you finally nodded. “That would be nice. Thank you.”

Seungkwan escorted you to his car, and you held your umbrella over the two of you. The drives the two of you used to take together used to be filled with music. If you thought back on it hard enough, you could practically hear Seungkwan’s voice as he sang to you whatever song he had on his playlists--when he wasn’t giving you history lessons on the pop industry. In another life, you’d probably be driving home with him and smiling now. Instead, all that came over his speakers were the directions to Mingyu’s home. He kept looking at you every so often, as if he wanted to speak to you again. He never did, and you couldn’t find the courage to, either.

The two of you finally made it back to Mingyu’s home, and Seungkwan stopped you before you could get out of his car. “You always told me that you were happy marrying me because it meant you were marrying for love.” His grasp was loose around your forearm, eyes boring into your own. “You always said you didn’t want it any other way. I need to know... Did... Did I hurt you that badly? Or... Do you actually love Mingyu?”

Did you love Kim Mingyu? That seemed to be the question of the day that you still didn’t know for sure. Did it count if you were falling? Instead, you pressed your lips into a tight line for a moment, unsure of what to say to him. You settled after a moment: “Goodnight, Seungkwan.”

Something lit up in his eyes, just a little. When was the last time you’d said his name? He let go of you, nodding. “Goodnight,” he said. “I’ll leave once you get inside safely.”

Without another word, you exit the car, shutting it behind you before making your way through the rain to the front door. You unlocked it, letting yourself in and stepping inside before turning back to look at where Seungkwan was watching you. He waited a moment longer, and then you watched him drive away.

When you turned around, slipping out of your heels and into a pair of comfortable house slippers, you realized you could hear the television on. Soon enough, you could see Mingyu sitting on the couch, working on a cross-stitch. He had told you once he’d teach you if you wanted: he’d been in a club back when he was younger, and he still enjoyed the hobby from time to time.

“You’re home?” You called out, and Mingyu looked up. “I thought you had a dinner.”

“A family emergency came up so they canceled,” he said, setting his needlework onto the coffee table. He stood up, “I thought you saw my text. I would’ve picked you up sooner if you had called--my driver said you told him not to worry.”

You hadn’t seen the message, but you’d check your phone for it later. “It’s okay,” you said, making your way toward your room. But Mingyu stepped into the water, stopping you as he tilted your face up to meet his gaze.

“Your makeup is messed up,” he frowned. “Are you okay? Did something happen?”

You stared at Mingyu. You’d fixed your eye makeup in the car, at least as much as you could so it wouldn’t be obvious that you were crying. But the messed up eyeliner and mascara couldn’t be completely fixed since you’d forgotten to put them into your purse. “I’m okay,” you said, a half-lie. “I talked to Seungkwan.”

“And?” Mingyu said, a little more serious this time--almost as if mentioning Seungkwan made him more defensive. “Do I need to talk to him?”

You shook your head. “It’s okay,” you took a step toward your bedroom door. “I think we needed that talk.”

Mingyu edged out of your way, nodding. “If it helped, then I’m glad.” He watched as you started to open your door, hand reaching out for your wrist. He held it loosely. “He’s been wanting to talk to me, too. Should I...?”

You nodded. “I think you should, if you want to.”

“Are you still angry with him?”

You weren’t sure how to answer that. “I think,” you took Mingyu’s hand in your own, “I still have to figure that out on my own. I know he hurt me, but... I don’t know how I feel.” About him. About you. About anything now. Yet you left that part unsaid: no need in making Mingyu worry about you any more than he already did.

Mingyu thought over your words, and slowly nodded as they sank in. “I see.” Then he changed the topic, letting his hand drop back to his side. “Do you feel like going out? It could be a nice distraction if you want one.”

At first, you wanted to say no. But with Mingyu, a dinner out would actually be a good distraction for you. “I’d like that,” you said. “Let me change and fix my makeup, okay?”

When you were ready to go, Mingyu was already waiting for you, dressed down in a more casual outfit--almost as if he read your own mind. He had smiled at you when he saw your sweater and jeans, already looking a thousand times cozier than you had before. Holding Mingyu’s hand felt like second nature at this point, his hand warm around your own as he walked you to his car. He’d already started suggesting fast food for once. As much as the guy worked out, sometimes he knew that something like a good fast food meal could be kind-of healing in its own way. He’d shower you with his own culinary prowess other times: the taste always spoke for itself when the food was genuinely good. He’d take you out for ice cream afterward and split another sundae with you, showing you cross-stitch patterns he’d been looking at. He’d order a simpler one for you, if you wanted to learn.

Later that night, you had settled into place beside Mingyu on the couch. He’d continued working on his cross-stitch, actually almost done with the one he’d started days ago of a bird in a cage with roses around it. He leaned forward, careful not to disturb you too much, and turned the TV back on. Mingyu flipped through the channels before landing on a movie the two of you had seen once before, and wordlessly he wrapped an arm around you. Instinctively, you cuddled in, and almost smiled at the sigh of bliss he let out.

And then you realized that you definitely couldn’t marry Kim Mingyu like this.

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