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mountttmase · 2 months ago

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Change Of Heart

The Beginning - Part Two

Note - thank you so much for all the feedback last week I was honestly in shock 😂 but I’m really happy you guys like it and I hope this chapter clears things up a little bit. Once again let me know what you think and thank you guys so so much I adore you 🩷

Pairing - Mason Mount x Reader

Word count - 6.9k

Warnings - series contains angst & fluff

‘So who’s coming to dad’s birthday thing? Like will there be a lot of people?’ You asked. Half because you actually wanted to know how busy it would be and the other to know if he would be there.

‘A fair few. Auntie Jean and uncle Tim are coming plus the kids and Grandma said if Steve can give her a lift she’d come. A few of the neighbours will be here too and some people from dads work’ she reeled off but you didn’t care about if these people would be here and you couldn’t deny the omission of his name calmed you. ‘Tony and Debs are coming too. I think Lewis might tag along but it’s too late for the little one and I think that’s it really’

‘Okay, not too bad then’ you nodded, not minding at all that they would be there as you knew they were still close with your family and you still kept in semi-regular contact with Lewis when you could. ‘I’ll go finish getting ready’

’Make sure you're quick, everyone will be here soon’ she called as you ran up the stairs and you called down to let her know you would, even though you were nowhere near ready.

It was only a family party but you still wanted to look nice. Cracking out one of your more family friendly dresses that still showed off your figure and finishing your makeup before moving onto jewellery. You didn't have much, just a pair of hoops and a few rings before popping on your favourite necklace.

You knew you probably shouldn’t, but you’d worn the necklace Mason had gifted you every day since he’d given to you last year and today wouldn’t be an exception. No one knew about the secret engraving underneath and even if there was no coming back for the pair of you, you still wanted to keep part of him close to you as he’d always been such a big part of your life.

It had been about half an hour now and you could hear the buzz from downstairs letting you know people had arrived. You were nervous about heading down however and hoped that your cousins were there so you had someone to talk to rather than aimlessly following your mum around.

’Hey love, can you get that nice bottle of rosé out the fridge for Debbie?’ your Dad asked as you were halfway down the stairs, nodding at him before making a u-turn at the bottom of the stairs to fetch it from the kitchen before taking it to him in the dining room.

Knowing they were here and Mason wasn’t with them gave you mixed emotions. On the one hand you were relieved as you didn’t have to see him but on the other hand you wondered if he was avoiding you. He’d been back for a few weeks now and still made no attempt to contact you so you came to the conclusion you were no longer friends.

It stung, and left you feeling confused but you’d grown to accept it. Not everyone in your life was meant to stick around but you’d always thought Mason would be the exception. Trying to get past the fact you’d never see your favourite brown eyes or his special smile directed at you anymore.

That was until you heard his unmistakable laughter in the living room. The sound making your blood turn cold and for a second you wondered if you were just hearing things, but as you rounded the corner to double check you spotted him right away.

The same boy who’s heart you’d broken a year ago, who’d in turn had broken yours slowly since then. The same eyes and smile and silly spiky hair but he’d grown more than you could ever imagine to the point it was like looking at someone new. His shoulders and chest were broader and even through his jeans you could tell his legs weren’t as tiny as they used to be. He was even dressed better than he used to be, all in black in a pair of ripped jeans and a dark denim jacket but you felt sick at the sight of him.

He was still the boy who’d ignored you for a year because you said you didn’t want to be with him romantically and even though you stood by your decision, you were hurt by the way it had all been handled.

You didn’t want to speak with him or be near him so you turned back around made made your way to the stairs so you could lock yourself away for a moment. The bathroom being empty when you made it up the stairs and you sat on the edge of the bath as you tried to relax.

There were too many emotions flowing through you right now. You were shocked at seeing him again, upset and angry that he thought he could just turn up at your parents house and you’d be fine with it and embarrassed that everyone seemed to know he was here and you didn’t.

After a few relaxing breaths you managed to look yourself in the mirror. Wiping away the few tears that were sitting in your waterline before making yourself look presentable enough to go back.

You weren’t prepared to see him, the shock of him actually being here overwhelmed you and as much as you had told yourself things were done you knew there was still a part of you that yearned to still be his friend. To forget everything that had happened over the last year and accept him back with open arms but your pride wouldn’t let you.

The first thing you saw when you left the bathroom was Mason's big brown eyes again. This time he was standing on his own directly across from the door and you knew he’d been waiting for you. You paid him no attention though, your eyes falling to the floor as you walked away and back down the hall to the stairs but you should have expected him not to let you go so easily. Feeling his fingers wrap around your wrist as he pulled you to a stop and gently turned you to face him.

‘I’m sorry’ he whispered after a few seconds of silence. The sound of his voice in the flesh again making you shiver but you keep your eyes down as you knew they were full of tears again. ‘Y/n? Please. Please, I’m so sorry’

You didn’t respond, the tears now freely flowing down your face and even though he’d let go of you now, you were frozen. Your hands coming up to hide your face as you sobbed into them but he was quick to wrap you up in his embrace like nothing had happened. The pair of you fitting together like missing puzzle pieces as he tried to comfort you the best he could but soon enough he was pulling you in the direction of your room to try and avoid anyone seeing you so upset.

Once inside your room he grabbed your arms gently and placed them around his neck so you’d hug him and you didn’t pull back. Letting him hold you close to his body as his arms wrapped around your waist and that same feeling of safety you got around Mason that you always did returned alongside the crippling feeling of hurt that rippled under your skin.

‘Come on, please don’t cry’ he whispered but his words had the adverse effect. Sobs wracking through you as you held him as tightly as possible, almost as if he might disappear again but he was holding you back just a tight. Rubbing your back to soothe you but all you could do was sob into his neck as the smell of him consumed you. ‘Come sit down, yeah?’ He whispered and when he pulled away so he could take your hand you let him lead you over to your bed, unsure as to why you were blindly following his lead but you were hurt and upset and even though it was all his fault, his was the only comfort you wanted.

You followed him over to your bed. Your hand in his the whole time and he sat down on the edge before manoeuvring you onto his lap. Not really aware of your surroundings as your eyes were full of tears but once you were seated he pulled you into a hug again. Holding you close to his body as he slightly swayed you from side to side but you just hid your face in your hands again as you lent into him. Still too upset to even look at him but your mouth was now starting to run away with you.

‘You didn’t even let me say goodbye’ you hiccuped through your sobs. Feeling him pull you in even tighter as you wiped your eyes repeatedly. ‘I get you were hurt but you took that from me’

‘I know I know, I’m sorry’

‘I waited… I waited for you to text me and you never did’

‘I know, love. I know I didn’t and I’m the biggest idiot in the world’ he told you quietly. ‘Why do you think I came here tonight? I wanna try and make it up to you. To apologise and explain myself’

‘Why haven't you tried before?’

‘Cause I was embarrassed’ he admitted quietly but it didn’t make you feel any better hearing it. ‘And I thought you deserved more than a phone call or a shitty text’

‘Why Mase? Why did you go and just forget about me?’

‘I didn’t I promise, I’ve thought about you every day, yeah?’ He told you sincerely, moving the pair of you so that you could face each other a little better but your eyes were still full of tears and you couldn’t make him out very well. You wanted to hear his explanation though so you waited for him to continue whilst you quietened your sobs and thankfully he took the hint and carried on.

‘That last conversation we had, I was crushed. And it’s not your fault at all yeah, I told myself you’d probably shoot me down but there was this tiny part of me that thought you might feel the same. And it’s okay that you don’t, you’re probably right as it wouldn’t have worked but I was so embarrassed that you knew I liked you and the fact nothing would happen felt shit so I told myself just to adjust to life out there for a bit and then I’d be fine to talk to you again’ he told you quietly and it hit you once again how upset he was that you’d didn’t have the same feelings he did.

‘The first few months weren’t great and I needed you but I held back. Gave you your space and me mine, you know? but as time went on I just kept talking myself out of it. Said that you hadn’t tried with me either so I should just leave it a little longer but then it got to the point it was too long and I was too embarrassed to text you cause I figured you must hate me now’

‘I've never hated you, Mase’ you told him, sniffing as you tried to get yourself together again. ‘I’m really fucking hurt but I could never hate you. I only never messaged you cause I was giving you space too. I can’t tell you the amount of times I typed something out to send to you and then backed out cause I figured you weren’t ready. That you hadn’t text first and I had to wait for you to come to me but you never did, Mase’

‘I know’ he sighed, his voice full of tears now himself and hearing him upset hurt more than anything else you’d been feeling for the last year. ‘I’m so sorry, y/n. I really am. I don’t know if it makes any difference or if there’s anyway we can go back to being friends but I’m here now and I want to make things right with you’ he told you and you could tell he was ready to have a cry himself. The sound of his voice making your tummy churn and when you built up the courage to look at him the tears were sliding down his cheeks. ‘You’ve got me through some of my worst days, and when I was struggling out there I can’t tell you how many times I went to message you as well. I tried to push it all aside but I was afraid you’d still think I was pathetic-‘

‘Hey, no’ you interrupted, reaching you to touch his arm that was settled on your lap and the tiny bit of contact made Mason's eyes light up. ‘You’ve never been pathetic, Mase. I know that conversation didn’t go how you wanted but I never once thought you were pathetic’

‘I’ve really missed you’ he pouted, his bottom lip wobbling as his eyes continued to overflow and as much as you wanted to tell him you missed him back you held off. ‘It’s all my fault, I know that, but I’ve missed hearing about your day and telling you about mine. I’ve missed laughing until we’re crying and feeling sick, I just miss you. Like I don’t care about any of that stuff now I just want my friend back’ he hiccuped and your heart hurt for the broken boy in front of you. ‘If you need more time I can give it to you. I know things won't be the same and we’ll have to work on stuff but I’ll do anything for you’

‘If it was anyone else, you know I’d say no’ you told him, watching the hope fill his eyes as he knew what was coming next. ‘But I’ve been miserable without you Mase’

‘I’ve been miserable too’ he laughed, a few more tears spilling from his eyes but you took him into your arms again so hold him. To hopefully let him know that things would be okay somehow no matter how the two of you were feeling that you could get back to where you needed to be eventually. ‘How about, we both sort ourselves out so we look presentable and head back downstairs. We can talk more then yeah, I just don’t want you missing your dads birthday’

‘Okay’ you sighed, giving him a small smile but you watched his eyes flicker over your face before coming back to look in your eyes.

‘Where’s your red lipstick?’ He asked quizzically and you should have known this comment was coming sooner or later.

‘Oh um, I’ve still got it, I’ve just been trying something new for a while’ you smiled. ‘The red’s a lot, you know?’

‘I liked it’ he shrugged and and your heart melted at the way he was looking at you still.

‘Do you not like me without?’

‘Of course I do, you I know I’ll take you whatever way you come but I never thought in a million years you’d willingly stop wearing it’

‘Just thought a change might be good’ you nodded and you were hoping he’d move on from it and not make you explain it any further.

‘Come on then, we should head back out’ he told you. Tapping your thigh so you’d stand up off his lap and once you had you’d realised how much you missed his touch.

‘You go, I’ll come in a sec. I just need to sort my face out’ you laughed, realising you probably looked like a hot mess but he just smiled at you and touched your arm before turning to leave. ‘Mase?’ You called quietly, but he stopped in his tracks and turned to you with his eyebrows raised. ‘Can I get one more hug? I really did miss you’ you whispered and you watched his face soften immediately before wrapping you up in his arms again. Lifting you off the floor so he could sway you from side to side but your giggles made him pop you back on the floor.

‘See you down there, yeah?’

‘Okay’ you nodded and with that you let him go.

You didn’t think too much of letting him go back on his own, Mason grabbing himself a drink before making a beeline for his brother but he didn’t quite get there as he was stopped in his tracks by your mum who wanted to say hello and congratulate him on his season abroad.

‘Mason you must come and meet Jack’ your mum told him, linking her arm through his as she led him through the dining room and he just went with it.

‘Jack? Yeah sure’ Mason said, walking up to a guy who was stood alone by the window but he nodded his head at Mason as he got close but Mason didn’t know what to think or how to react.

Mason could tell what kind of guy Jack was immediately. Taller than him by a good few inches, short jet black hair and arms as big as Mason's head. He had no idea who he was though and guessed he was part of the family or a friend but when Jack gave him a once over as your mum introduced Mason to him there was something about him that felt off.

‘Hey it's good to meet you, man’ he smiled, holding his hand out for Mason to shake and it’s like he was trying to crush Mason's hand with the grip of it so Mason held back just as tightly. ‘Y/n’s told me a lot about you. I can’t lie, I’m actually an Arsenal fan but we were keeping up with you last season.’ Jack smiled and Mason just nodded along, still unsure as to who the man was in front of him as the pair of them let go of one another and Mason flexed his fingers behind his back. ‘Have you seen her by any chance? It’s like she’s been avoiding me- ah here she is’ Jack smiled holding his hand out to his right and when Mason turned to look that way he saw you standing in the doorway like a deer caught in the headlights. To say this was the moment you’d been dreading was an understatement but you couldn’t leave Jack hanging.

Mason could see the uncomfortable look on your face but you took Jack's hand and let him pull you into his side and press a kiss to your head. The action making his skin prickle uncomfortably and he had to look away to process what he was seeing before looking back up and avoiding your eyes.

‘You alright, babe? Was just saying to Mason I thought you were avoiding me’ Jack laughed, wrapping his arm around your waist and your heart broke at the look on Mason's face. This isn’t how you wanted him to find that you had a boyfriend but unfortunately you were stuck in between both of them now unsure of what to say or do.

‘Sorry, was just sorting a few things out’

‘That’s alright, sweetie’ he smiled and the term of endearment made Masons' skin crawl. Watching him as he pulled you in front of his body so he could wrap his arms around your waist and rest his chin on the top of your head. Like he was trying to claim you in front of everyone else and Mason could feel his blood starting to boil.

Mason didn’t want to be here, stuck talking to this guy who was holding you in a way he could only dream of but it was the fact he was there in the first place annoyed him more than anything. He came here to talk to you, to make amends with you but now everything was up in the air. He knew he owed you this, that he'd been a crappy friend and he owed it to you to be the best friend he possibly could in this moment but he was overwhelmed and needed a way out. Looking up to find Lewis looking back with his eyebrow raised so he made a quick excuse that he was needed quickly and fled the scene.

‘What the fuck, Lew? Why didn’t you tell me she’s got a boyfriend?’

‘I assumed she would have told you?’ He shrugged, only then realising that the pair of you had both lied to your families that you were still speaking. ‘What’s up with you?’

‘Nothing, I’m getting a drink’ he mumbled before trudging back to the kitchen.

Mason felt broken. A small part of him hoped that when he came back there would be a way for you to work things out and be together. That you’d had a chance to think things over and realise you were in love with him too but now all his dreams were dashed. Yes he’d told you it was fine being friends and he’d do what you wanted but he’d also wanted you to miss him. To realise that you could feel the same and that you could make it work but now there was no chance.

Jack wasn’t the guy he thought you’d go for and he made Mason feel more insecure than he ever had. He could tell he was a few years older and quite clearly able to give you things that Mason couldn’t but the reality that you’d slipped through his fingers completely was more than he could take.

He knew what he had to do though, he had to be what he hadn’t been for the last year and be the bestest friend he could be so he psyched himself up and went back to find you so he could prove himself to you again.

You weren’t hard to spot. Jack now leaning against the table with you in between his legs but it was like Jack could see Mason coming and when he got close enough he started to kiss you softly. The sight making Mason's temper flare but he pushed through it and carried on making his way over.

‘You look hot as fuck babe’ Jack told you, holding you out at arms length so he could look you up and down and even though he was being silly, it made Mason feel awkward how Jack seemed to be dangling you in his face without your knowledge.

‘Jack stop it’ you laughed, tapping him on the chest as you tried to brush the comment away but Mason knew you and he knew how uncomfortable you sounded.

‘No, I’m serious. Like look at you’ he laughed, trying to get you to spin so he could oogle your bum but you just laughed awkwardly and turned back as Jack looked at Mason. ‘You admit it too, don’t you Mason? Go on, tell her. Tell her she looks hot’

‘Mason you don’t have to say that’ you told him, only now just realising he’d seen the whole thing and you watched as his cheeks reddened and he awkwardly coughed. Feeling awful for him as Jack tried to parade you in front of everyone so you swatted Jack in the arm playfully to get him to stop but he just laughed loudly and pulled you closer.

‘What about you Mason? You got a girl’

‘Nope’ Mason breathed, popping the p at the end of his sentence and you knew Mason was getting annoyed with Jack's antics.

‘Why not? You must have girls all over you right?’

‘Not the ones I want though’ he laughed under his breath, just loud enough for you to hear before clearing his throat and nodding to the side. ‘I’m just gonna use the loo I won’t be long’

‘Can you stop doing that’ you whispered to Jack as soon as Mason was out of earshot but just sent you a cheeky wink before pinching your bum.

‘What? You love it when I compliment you usually’

‘I know but we’re at a family party, you need to tone it down’

‘I can’t help it if you're the sexiest person I’ve ever laid my eyes on’ he teased and you wanted to roll your eyes at how ridiculous he was being. ‘You’re my girl and I wanna let everyone know you’re mine’

‘You can show me another time’ you winked, letting him pull you into a hug but you should have known he had ulterior motives when you felt his lips on your neck. Peppering soft kisses that usually drove you wild but you were well aware you shouldn’t be doing this as it wasn’t the time or place.

‘Jack…’

‘Sorry sweetie, I can’t help it’ he laughed, pulling away from you so he could look you in the eyes and you noticed straight away how dark his were. ‘Doesn’t help I won’t get to have you tonight’

‘I’m sure you can wait a few days’

‘I don’t think I can’ he whispered, hands travelling back down to your bum but you pulled out of his grasp so no one could see him being handsy.

‘Well tough. I’m going to get a drink I won’t be long’ you winked and left him on his own so you could go to the kitchen. You’d told him it was for a drink but secretly you wanted to check in with Mason and even though he said he was going to the loo you found him exactly where you thought he’d be.

Mason was out in the garden on his own, arms crossed as he looked up to the sky and even though you knew he’d come out here to be alone you also knew you needed to talk to him. You didn’t want him to find out about Jack the way that he had and you didn’t know what he was thinking so without a second thought you made your way to him. Quietly walking across the grass until you were stood next to him and even though he didn’t look down, you knew he’d seen you.

‘I really have missed out on a lot then, huh?’ He sighed. Finally glancing down at you but you were unsure of what to say. Looking off into the distance just as he had done and you waited for him to talk again. ‘How long have you been together?’

‘About 7 months’ you whispered, watching his head drop out of the corner of your eye and your heart broke for your best friend.

‘How did you meet?’

‘We’re on the same course’

‘And are you happy?’ He asked but you kept silent as you didn’t want to upset him even further. ‘It’s okay, you can tell me’

‘Yes’ you whispered, your tummy dropping as he just shut his eyes momentarily but he was soon looking at you with a small smile on his face.

‘Well that’s all that matters then, yeah?’ He nodded and you felt the tears in your eyes spill over instantly. ‘C’mere, it’s okay’

‘I was gonna tell you, I didn’t want you to find out like that but it just slipped my mind before’ you spoke into his chest. Holding him like he might disappear but the way he was rubbing your back let you know everything would be okay.

‘It’s alright, you don’t need to be sorry’

‘I don’t want you to hate me’

‘Hey, I could never’ he whispered into your hair and you just held him tighter. ‘We may have lost our way a bit and I know it’s my fault but seeing you today, I never wanna go that long without you again okay? You're my best friend, y/n and I’ll always be happy for you no matter what you decide, okay?’

‘I’m still sorry I didn’t say anything earlier’

‘It’s alright, it’s all out in the open now. Unless you've got anything you wanna confess’ he teased but you just shook your head with a laugh. ‘Come on then, I better go give him the full assessment. Make sure he’s good enough for you’

‘I know he’s a lot, but he really is good to me Mase’

‘Okay, I trust you’ Mason smiled before quickly wiping your eyes for the hundredth time that night.

Once you were back inside, the three of you sat together so you could get to know each other. Both boys relaxing a bit as the night went on and you couldn’t believe the two men in your life were getting on. Something you didn’t think was possible even this morning but you hadn’t felt this happy in a long time.

‘You guys got any plans over the summer?’ Mason eventually asked when he was finishing telling you about the trip he’d planned with his family and you smiled at the way he was taking an interest in the both of you.

‘We’ve got a little road trip to Cornwall coming up’ you nodded, feeling Jack squeeze your waist as you knew you were both excited for your first trip away together but you didn’t realise he was about to explain further and drop you in it.

‘Yeah, we weren’t gonna do anything as we need to save the pennies for our big trip but we thought a few days away wouldn't hurt’ Jack smiled and even though you knew what was coming you couldn’t stop it from happening.

‘What’s the big trip?’

‘Safari in Kenya’ Jack smiled and it was like Mason's heart fell into his stomach. That was meant to be our trip he thought, trying best to swallow back his shock and thankfully he pulled it off just enough so Jack believed him.

‘Oh wow, that is a big trip’

‘Yeah, I mean I’ve been there, done that before. I traveled for a few years before uni but when this one mentioned she’d always wanted to go then I told her I’d make it happen’

‘It's just an idea, could be years away’ you mumbled, trying to ease the heartbroken look on Mason's face but he just gave you a tight smile and nodded.

‘No you should do it, I know you’ve always wanted to go’

We’ve always wanted to go, you thought to yourself but you didn’t bring it up again. Letting the boys change the conversation to something football related as you sat there with a heavy heart.

Jack had to leave at around 10, needing to get a late train so he could be home for a family trip the next day and you walked him to the door so you could share a private goodbye but as soon as he left you felt yourself pulled in Mason's direction.

He’d been doing the rounds for about an hour now and even though you’d been talking with Jack and some other members of your family it was Mason who your eyes always went to. Finding him looking back at you fondly most times or pulling silly faces the other so now you were alone you knew you wanted to finally talk to him properly.

You joined in with the conversation he was having with a few of your neighbours until it was just the pair of you talking. Him taking you into the kitchen to refill both your drinks and any concept of time vanished until Debbie made a beeline for the pair of you.

‘You alright you two?’ She smiled and you both nodded before her attention was on Mason. ‘We’re gonna head back but you come when you’re ready yeah?’

It was only then you looked up and realised most people were gone. Only Lewis on Tony left who were putting their coats on and you realised you and Mason must have been too caught up talking to notice anything else.

‘Oh okay, yeah’ he nodded, reaching over to give her a quick kiss on the cheek and you smiled at how lovely he was with her.

‘Text me when you’re leaving i'll get your dad to wait for you by the door’

‘Mum im a grown man and we live one street away. I’m sure I’ll be fine’ Mason groaned, rolling his eyes as you let out a little laugh but Debbie just huffed and you had a feeling she was about to put her foot down.

‘Well I'll feel better if your dad waits for you so just humour me and text us please?’

‘Yeah yeah fine, but don't wait up okay?’

‘If it gets too late he can just stay here, Debbie’ you smiled. ‘I’ve still got that old mattress he used to sleep on whenever he stayed round before’

‘And you wonder why my back was always fucked-‘

‘Language around y/n, Mason’ Debbie interrupted, not happy with her son's filthy mouth but he just chuckled and patted you on the shoulder.

‘What? Who do you think I learnt that word from’ he laughed ‘she’s got a mouth like a sailor’

‘Just text me okay’ she laughed, rolling her eyes once more before giving you both a quick goodbye and joining everyone else in the dining room.

You followed after, making sure to say goodbye to everyone before retreating to the living room and when your parents never came back in, Mason tapped your knee lightly.

‘We should give your parents a hand clearing up, I bet there’s loads to do’

‘No it’s fine, they said to leave it until tomorrow. I think they’ve both gone to bed by the sounds of it’ you laughed before stretching your arms above your head. ‘You wanna go to my room? Bit comfier than these chairs and I wanna get changed’ you smiled and you could have sworn he was blushing ever so slightly.

‘Okay’ he nodded and after grabbing a few snacks the pair of you hurried upstairs and into your room. You’d changed it around a bit from when he’d last seen it properly and when you switched the LED lights on and the space was filled with a purple glow, he looked at you with a shy smile.

‘I’m just gonna get my pjs on, this dress is suffocating me’ you laughed, running over to the bathroom to get changed and wipe your makeup off and when you got back he was sat up against your headboard with a soft look on his face. ‘You okay?’

‘Yeah, I’m fine’ he coughed, adjusting himself and shuffling over before patting the space next to him for you to join and you were quick to jump in next to him.

The pair of you were sat against your headboard for what felt like hours, trying to keep your laughter to a minimum but it was difficult. You’d missed his cheeky personality and he had so many fun stories from when you were apart that he was incessant about telling you about. You eventually found yourselves laid down facing each other and you couldn't help but shuffle yourself closer towards him.

‘You know, I thought I saw you once’ he laughed, rubbing your back lightly after he’d placed his arm around you a short while ago. ‘We were playing PSV and there was this girl in the crowd and I could have sworn it was you. I went over to have a better look at the end of the game but she’d gone and I realised maybe I was just going crazy’

‘You weren’t going crazy’ you whispered. Not having the courage to look at him but you could see him staring at you funny from the corner of your eye. ‘It really was me, I flew out to see you and watch a game but I chickened out of saying hi’

‘Are you serious?’ he laughed, his hand on your side so he could shake you and you laughed until you had the courage to look at him.

‘Completely, I’ve got pictures and everything’ you told him, reaching for your phone and scrolling to the album you had them saved in before rolling onto your front so he could see. Him still on his side but he wrapped his arm around your back further and leaned into your arm so he could get a better look and you could feel him chuckling as you flicked through them.

‘I can’t believe it, I was thinking about you for days after’ he laughed, rolling onto his back and even though you probably shouldn’t have, you felt yourself shuffling over so you could lay next to him. You head on his chest with an arm around his waist and you knew he was shocked as it took him a few beats to wrap his arms around you.

‘Sorry I didn’t come and see you, I just didn’t think you wanted to talk to me’

‘You don’t have to be sorry about anything I promise you’ he whispered. ‘It’s me that’s the sorry one, I can’t believe you came all that way for me’

‘I told you, I’ll always be cheering you on and that’s whether you want me to or not’

‘Of course I want you to’ he gulped and you could tell he was getting upset so you rubbed his chest lightly in hopes it would make him feel a bit better. ‘I really am so sorry y/n’

‘Mase it’s okay-‘

‘No it’s not’ he interrupted, planting a soft kiss on your forehead. The act startling you are little but it warmed your chest and you couldn’t hide your smile. ‘I haven’t felt this… whole, in a long time and I always knew it was you that missing’

‘Well in the interests of being sorry, I’m sorry about the whole safari thing. Jacks travelled here, there and everywhere and when he said he’d been I told him it was always my dream to go. After last year and everything I didn’t know if we’d ever get a chance but it’s our thing and I’m sorry I shared it with someone else’

‘It’s okay, we can make it a group trip’ he laughed, squeezing you tighter and you loved the fact he was taking everything in his stride.

‘Yeah? You’ll come with us’ you smiled, looking up at him but he shrugged and you weren’t sure if he was saying it to try and make you feel better.

‘Maybe, we’ll see’ he winked before you settled back on his chest. ‘Maybe i’ll be able to buy you your own safari to keep in the garden soon’

‘I’d like that’ you whispered, loving the fact everything had clicked right back into place and the fact that you thought this would never happen made things feel extra sweet.

You spoke quietly for a bit longer, talking about the future and what he thought his next plans were but it was way past 2am and you were both yawning your heads off.

‘Come on Mase, you look exhausted. Why don’t you go to sleep’

‘Cause I cant be arsed to get up and get that fucking awful mattress’

‘So don’t, we can share right?’ You told him, not wanting him to move either as you felt so comfy on his chest but you hoped you weren’t pushing things too far for the pair of you. You’d had sleepovers before when you were younger but never in the same bed and now you knew he once harboured feelings for you it may have been awkward but you didn’t care right now.

‘You sure?’

‘Yeah, just don’t hog the covers’ you laughed, rolling away so you could get up and pull the covers away as the pair of you had been laying on top and you laughed as he rolled around to get underneath

‘I can’t promise anything’

‘You really gonna sleep in jeans?’ You asked, sliding in next to him, not wanting to make him uncomfortable by telling him to get undressed but also knowing that he was a human radiator and it would be like sleeping next to the sun if he stayed as he was.

‘I’ve got nothing else’ he mumbled. ‘Stop trying to undress me’

‘Oh whatever’ you laughed, moving the covers back so you could finally get back in before turning your lights out and settling down.

‘Y/n? He whispered, only just hearing his voice as he was most of the way asleep and you hummed to let him you know heard him in hopes he’d carry on. ‘For what it’s worth, he was right. You did look hot tonight’

All of a sudden you were wide awake, a small gasp falling from your lips as your eyes flew up to his but he was out like a light. Small snores filling the quiet room and you thought it was typical for him to be asleep so quickly.

You ignored what he said though, knowing he was just trying to tease you and you rolled over onto your side away from him. Letting the sound of his breathing lul you off to sleep, feeling more at peace than you had in months.

Tag list - @saltyheartnightmare @harvestmount @prideofpd @sid-vii @carlottawllms @footiehoemcfc @katharinanadiaa @whenelifallsinlove @neverinadream @cityzenchick @msnmnt @stikkibun @masonmtxo @chillymountsjess @yoursselo @maseymm @feelinglikeineedlotsofnaps @leclerc13

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shinysobi · 3 months ago

Text

pretty u

summary: when joshua, your best friend gets engaged, you can't help but feel as though you're missing out on something important. jihoon, your other best friend, kindly offers to set you up with one of his many friends. chaos ensues, seungkwan is an observer who knows everything, and unfortunately, mingyu is a hapless victim.

pairing: woozi x fem!reader

genre: crack, fluff, angst

word count: 10k~ish

warnings: alcohol consumption, general warnings apply

a/n: angst central again lmao but there's something good for everyone ig hehe also dedicated to gigi, who's been the first reader of this hehe

a/n 2: reblogs/comments/likes are, as always, much appreciated! tell me if you like it lmao

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3

Chapter 3

I learnt, at a very young age, that the best thing to do in any situation, is to ultimately do nothing. If you do nothing, then you will never fail. I’ve managed to spend my entire life doing the bare minimum, but right now? Right now, with Jihoon’s face half a feet away from mine, close enough for me to see the dried tears on his cheeks, I begin to wonder if it’s the best thing to do.

“You should say something,” Jihoon says, wiping his face, “I didn’t run half a mile uphill just for you to say nothing.”

What does he actually want me to say? I’ve furiously racked my brain to find the correct words to say to him; in the aftermath of the argument, but I’ve always come up empty. Its odd, and strangely humbling, this experience. Should I even say something? Am I allowed to? Jihoon stares at me, and it’s only then that I realise, he’s still holding my hands.

“I’m sorry.” I say, “I’m sorry for everything I said that night.”

“No, you were right. I shouldn’t have forced all those decisions on you when you were not—are not ready.” Jihoon says, “but I really can’t imagine myself in a world where I am not your friend.”

He leans down, picking up a plant, “for your kitchen garden. Your chive plant died last month.”

I take it from him, the lingering warmth of his hands on my skin, “this is your idea of a housewarming gift?”

“This is all I could get at such short notice,” he replies, “all the other stores were closed, so I got this from a street vendor.”

“That’s—unexpectedly sweet of you, Jihoon,” I say, turning to place the pot on the floor, “do you want to come in?”

Jihoon nods, before slipping off his shoes and his jacket, entering my still-unfurnished house. All of a sudden, I’m self-conscious about the state of the place, even if he has seen worse. What am I doing, getting worked up over Jihoon entering my home?

“Look,” he begins, standing in the middle of the kitchen, “these past few weeks have been a personal kind of hell for me. I know you don’t care, but I’m just putting it out there. Life without you, without seeing you every day, without talking to you, has been hell, and I don’t want to live in it anymore.”

“Jihoon,” I begin, but he holds up a hand, silencing me.

“I’ve felt like shit, knowing that you’re just out of my reach, to the point where even if I reach for you, you won’t be able to see me, to talk to me, to be the kind of person I know and love, and it’s been excruciating, having to live with that knowledge.”

“Jihoon, what are you trying to get at?”

He takes a deep breath, as if readying himself for something horrible, “what I mean to say, is that I lied.”

“What? You lied about what, Jihoon?”

“It’s about—” he throws up his hands, “don’t you have any alcohol around here? Why do I have to have this conversation with you while sober?”

“Jihoon, I just moved in today. Of course, I don’t have alcohol, you idiot.” I cross my arms over my chest, “if you have nothing else to say, then you should leave. It’s getting late, and I have a lot of work left to do around the house tomorrow. If all you came here for was to apologise then it’s fine, I accept your apology—”

“Damn, woman, will you let me finish? I’m trying to get at something!”

“Well then, get at it faster!”

“I lied about getting over you!”

One thing I hate about this apartment is how silent it is. In my previous apartment, at all times of the night, there would be someone making a noise, and I hated how it would disturb my sleep. Right now, there’s silence. There’s silence and then there’s us, standing in the half-dark. Jihoon looks like he wants to say something, but has been holding himself back.

“What-what do you mean?” I say, after what seems like a lifetime, “what the fuck are you talking about?”

“I said that I lied about getting over you. I liked you back when I was doing my military service, and I still like you now.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I can assure you, I’m just as serious about this as I am with my work.”

“Then are you saying—”

“I like you. I’ve liked you for a long time, and I think I’ll continue liking you for a long time.”

“Jihoon, I don’t like you like that.”

“I know,” Jihoon looks pained, and for the first time in my life, I want to lie and say that no, Jihoon, I like you too, but I can’t, “look, my feelings are my own. You don’t have to reciprocate them. You and I are separate people, and I don’t want to impose my feelings on you.”

“Then why did you say all this?” my voice communicates all my frustration, “then why did you come here and tell me all this, if you didn’t want to sway me? You were the person who kept telling me to move on, and now you come here and tell me this?”

“Because I felt like I was dying!” Jihoon yells, “not talking to you, not seeing you, not being able to text you, all this made me feel like I was dying. I didn’t tell you anything because I wanted to preserve our friendship, but when I can’t see you around, my heart feels as though it’s stopped functioning. All I could think about was you.”

“Jihoon,” I say, hoping my voice doesn’t betray my frustrations, “you don’t like me in a romantic light.”

“Don’t presume my feelings.”

“I’m not! I’m just pointing out that we have been friends for a long time, and that your feelings for me might just be you overthinking your feelings of friendship and thinking its something else when really, its just friendship. I don’t think you like me romantically, Jihoon. I think you’re just confused.”

Jihoon doesn’t say anything for a long time. I would have felt better if he had cursed me, or if he had become angry, but all that remains of Jihoon right now, in this moment, is someone whose feelings are replaced with—just nothing.

Jihoon checks his watch, “look, it’s late, you should get some sleep.”

He turns around, opening the door, and pauses for a moment before turning around. “I don’t care if you’ve stopped, or if you’re terrified of moving forward. I’ll stay there with you until you’re ready. I don’t care how long it takes.”

“And another thing.”

“Yes?” I ask, voice cracking in the middle of the word. This is going to haunt me in my nightmares.

“Your dream,” Jihoon says, hand on the door handle, “I’ll help you fulfil it. No matter what it takes.”

—

Seungkwan is at my door the next morning, even before I’m fully dressed, carrying a box of Jeju oranges. Even before I can open the door fully, he’s in my apartment, staring at my face.

“My mom sent these for you, by the way,” he says, then takes a look at my face, “whoa, Sunbae, you look like you haven’t slept all night.”

“I know, I know,” I mutter, “just had some things to think about, that’s all.”

“Think about?” Seungkwan starts to unpack my crockeries, “you look like hell. I’m not kidding, you look awful.”

“Wow, thanks, Seungkwan, that sounds like a great compliment.” I mutter, settling down into a chair, “coming into my home on a Saturday and telling me I look ugly, way to make a girl feel great.”

“I’m not being sarcastic, I’m concerned. There’s a difference.” He sits in the chair next to mine, “is there anything I can help with?”

“Seungkwan, you’re sweet, but this is something I can’t really talk about.” I mutter, “some things aren’t meant to be shared with everyone.”

And really, what can I say? ‘oh, don’t worry, Seungkwan, my best friend since university, the person with whom I haven’t been talking to for the past few weeks, came to my apartment last night to confess that he had feelings for me?’ How does one even begin that conversation? Not to mention the embarrassment that Jihoon would face if I were to ever spill the beans to the guys. He’s always been intensely private, even in his romantic affairs. To spill his secrets would just be cruel.

It's really, really not as though I haven’t received romantic confessions. There have been people who have asked me out, who have said that they liked me, from university classmates to people at work. Even in school, when all I could think about were university entrance examinations, and how I had to get into a university in Seoul because that was where my sister went too, I had a few people tell me they had feelings for me, I have had people get angry when I turned them down, I’ve had people get sad when I said, no, I’m sorry. Yet, all this feels new. What do you actually say when someone you’ve known for years, tells you that they hold feelings for you? What is the appropriate thing to say, especially if you don’t know what your own feelings are?

“You know, I grew up with three older sisters, right?”

“Yes, you keep reminding me of it every other day.”

“Yes, so,” Seungkwan leans forward, inspecting my face, “you look like you’ve got something weighing down on your mind. And while I might not be Joshua-hyung or Jihoon-hyung, I can be a pretty good listener.”

“No, I don’t think I can tell you this. It’s not my secret to tell, and even then, I don’t want to burden you with something that shouldn’t be your responsibility in the first place.”

“Sunbae,” Seungkwan asks, “does this have anything to do with Jihoon-hyung?”

I stare at him. “When did you get so fucking perceptive?”

“So, it is,” he leans back in his chair, self-satisfied and smug as hell, “I knew it. I knew he’d do something like this.”

“You knew?” I ask, and Seungkwan nods, “you knew, and you didn’t think of telling me? not even once? Not even a single heads-up?”

“And? What would we even say? ‘Jihoon-hyung likes you, please be advised he might try to confess his feelings?’ Would you have even liked it?”

“You’re right, I wouldn’t.” I shake my head, “really? This is something everyone knew about?”

Seungkwan nods, “I think most of us are aware of Jihoon-hyung’s feelings towards you, given how he acts.”

I hold up a hand, “Wait, pause. How he acts? What do you mean, how he acts? I’ve never seen him be anything other than perfectly normal with me.”

“That’s the problem with you,” Seungkwan clarifies, “your baseline is different when it comes to Jihoon-hyung. He treats you much more differently than he does all of us, and you’ve never noticed? Not even once?”

“No, clearly, I haven’t, Seungkwan, explain.”

Seungkwan takes a deep breath, as if trying to gather his thoughts into a proper sequence, and begins, “well, for once, he always does what you want, even if he is initially against it. With anyone else? You can’t even convince him to lift a single finger, but he drove all the way to the restaurant that one time, dropping the recording for Soonyoung’s new album. Sure, he didn’t get in trouble, but he did that just because you called.”

“He ran out of a recording session?” I have to repeat myself, because in all the years that I have known Jihoon, he’s always put his work before everything else. In university, he spent days and nights in the makeshift recording studio he had in his home, only venturing out to get food once every two days. Even his recording studio was off-limits to us, until he had finished working on a project. That Jihoon left Soonyoung in the middle of a recording session to come pick me up because I was drunk? “Should I apologise to Soonyoung?”

“The only person you should be apologising to, is me,” Seungkwan send me a dirty look that would have anyone else cringing, “I come here to help you unpack and decorate your home, and this is what I have to hear?”

“You’re a traitor. You’ve been hiding Jihoon’s feelings from me for god knows how long, and now you expect me to be nice to you? Get a grip on yourself.”

“This is,” Seungkwan wags a finger at me, “this is just shooting the messenger. You think the others haven’t kept his secret from you?”

“What? Even Jeonghan-oppa? He’s betrayed me too?”

Seungkwan smiles, “there are no allies in this stupid game you both are playing. We’ve all known about his feelings ever since he came back from the military and hung up that stupid photo of the two of you on his wall. He would have had it framed it if the quality wasn’t like it was taken on a microwave.”

I think about the picture, Jihoon with the flat cap and me beside him, flashing a wide, toothy smile. “He tried to get it framed?”

“Seungcheol-hyung had to talk him out of it, because it’s insane, having a picture of another girl framed and putting in your bedroom while you’re trying to get a girlfriend is not the best thing to do, in retrospect.”

“Ah yes, wasn’t this when he was dating the music major? The intern at the office?” I’m trying to keep my voice light, but unfortunately, I know everything about his past relationships, the serious and the casual. The girls at university, the intern he dated for a month before she dumped him, and the office worker who he dated for a year before she finally grew sick of him and left. “I don’t remember them that well.”

“Liar. You remember every detail.” Seungkwan grins, “just like Jihoon-hyung can recite the names of all your exes backwards if he wanted to, “You remember every detail about all of Jihoon-hyung’s relationships. Yes, this was when he was dating the intern, and Seungcheol-hyung pointed out that it probably would not be the best look to frame a picture of the girl your girlfriend hates, and put it in your bedroom where you could see it every morning and every night.”

“May we all thank Seungcheol-oppa for his infinite wisdom.” I say, and Seungkwan gives me a high five, “wait, she hated me? but I was nice to her! And not fake nice, which is what I generally am, I was actually nice to her!”

“She still hated you, though. There was nothing you could do about that relationship.”

“Really?”

“Really. It’s the same the other way around, too. Remember when you were dating that artist who hated the idea of Jihoon-hyung being around?”

“Oh, him? I remember that. He once tore down all the pictures I had with Jihoon, insisting that I was cheating on him. in his defence, we were twenty-three, so, I don’t blame him for making bad choices.”

Seungkwan groans, “this way, it’s going to take at least a hundred years before you wake up, too. Sunbae! Have you not realised it yet, or do I have to spell it out for you?”

“Realised what?”

“That you like hyung as well? That its not just him who’s chasing, but also you?”

I scoff, “no, I don’t like Jihoon! I don’t know why you are saying this, but I don’t like Jihoon. He’s simply a friend of mine.”

“You once drove to Hwacheon in the middle of winter for his birthday.”

“That’s different! It was his birthday, he was in the military, I had to do something! Besides, he only got one day for his leave, and none of you guys could go.”

“Sunbae, driving to Hwacheon is a bit too much, don’t you think?” Seungkwan stares at me, “you’re telling me you drove through snow and went halfway to North Korea for your friend?”

“Yes! No! I don’t know!” I wail, falling onto the floor on a heap, “all I know is that I want Jihoon in my life. I can’t live without him; these past few weeks, its as though life has lost its meaning for me. I don’t find my work fun anymore; I don’t have anyone to talk to anymore. I can’t give him up.”

“I don’t know about you, but that sounds pretty romantic to me.”

I narrow my eyes, “you’re just enjoying the fun, aren’t you?”

Seungkwan giggles, “and what if I tell you I am?”

“I’d kill you.”

Seungkwan says nothing, just continues to grin as though he’s watching a sitcom, or a variety show. What would a variety show based on my life look like? Something like I Live Alone, but entirely for people struggling with romance problems; if I worked in a bigger broadcasting company, I would have pitched this idea. People would get on there, and just talk about their romance problems.

“Sunbae—no, noona.”

Seungkwan calling me by the familiar honorific catches my attention. Since I have known him, Seungkwan has never once referred to me in that familiar a tone, always with the more respectful sunbae, reserved for departmental seniors. Especially since joining the news desk, he has refused to call me anything but. It gives me a sense of respect, obviously, but it also seems as though he has always kept me at arm’s length.

“You’re being familiar with me, Seungkwan,” I say, “what’s happened?”

He sits next to me on the floor, staring at me, “noona, have you ever really done anything for yourself?”

I give him a look. “What do you mean, if I have done anything for myself? Everything I do is for myself; I think we’ve established that. If you made a list of the most selfish people you know, I would probably rank top five in there.”

“That’s what you think. You always keep talking about how you’re doing things for yourself, but in reality, all you do, is based on the needs of others.”

“I think you’re trying to make me into a martyr, Seungkwan, when all I have done is be a selfish person.”

“I also think that you consider yourself to be a selfish person because that’s what you’ve been taught to believe.”

“Seungkwan,” I say, mildly, “look at the society we live in. its either hyper individualistic, or it’s based on outdated systems of collective identity; either way, I’m not actually doing anything I want to do myself. It is all things I’ve been taught. How to be, how to act, how to think.”

“And that isn’t wrong, per se, but you have to think, at some point, that your existence is based on how others think of you. Even with Jihoon-hyung, you’re just going off of what we might think of you, what he might think of you. Have you even figured out your own feelings?”

“And what if we break up? What if I say to Jihoon, that yes, I’d like to date you too, but we break up soon? Within one month, two months? I’m terrified of losing him, to the point where I’m happy to be his friend just to keep him in my life. Why else do you think I rejected him?”

“You rejected him?” Seungkwan screeches, “noona, you’re in love with him, and you rejected him?”

“Being friends with him is more important to me than being his girlfriend,” I say, “to be his girlfriend is something I don’t want to imagine.”

“Because you don’t want to be his girlfriend, or because you don’t want to get your hopes up?”

I groan, lying back down on the floor, “I don’t know, and I don’t want to think about it either.”

Seungkwan smiles, “hey maybe, you should try and think about what you want to do, before doing what everyone else expects of you. Even if that’s what you are going to end up doing anyway, maybe, you should at least be aware of what you want.”

—

On Monday, I walk into the office with my eyes bloodshot, and dark circles underneath them, ten minutes after the team meeting has begun. Both the Editor and the Assistant Editor take one look at my face and decide not to tell me anything for showing up late to the meeting.

“We were talking about your column, Sunbae,” Haewon says as I nurse my coffee, “the readers loved it. We’ve been getting so many responses and letters to the office after you began the column.”

“We are?” I ask, “who the hell is screening through the letters, then?”

“I am,” the Assistant Editor says, “I figured you didn’t need one more thing on your plate, and I sorted out whatever you had to. For the first time in a long while, we have fan mail coming to the office.”

“Huh?” I catch the last part of that sentence, “we have fan mail?”

“Yes, and a lot of it, too,” the Assistant editor smiles at me, “at this rate, we might start a radio show if we have the funds for it.”

“We’ll never have the funds for it,” I wave a hand, “having a radio show is out of the question.”

“Still, it seems nice that the desk is getting a lot of other attention too, other than doing book reviews and movie reviews.” The editor says.

“You do realise, all this is coming at the expense of my sleep?” I grumble, “this is the worst idea you could ever have. A radio show? I can barely talk to people. You want me to go on a show and talk to people in real-time?”

“Yes, yes, which is why we are not thinking about it,” the Editor clarifies, “you just need to continue writing the column as you have been. That much is enough for the desk.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, Sunbae,” Seungkwan slides an energy drink towards me, “it’s enough for the desk if you just do things as they come by. No one is asking you to do more than what’s required.”

“You say that now, Seungkwan, but pretty soon they’ll be asking favours from you, too.” I smile at him, “don’t let anyone walk over you here. Its difficult to stop them once you’ve begun letting them have their way.”

During lunch break, Seungkwan sidles up to me in the cafeteria, where the members of the desk have congregated (on news of them serving galbi-tang), and asks, “Sunbae, have you finished moving in? Jeonghan-hyung wanted me to invite you to a party this weekend.”

“Why didn’t he invite me himself?” I ask through a mouthful of beef, “has he lost my number?”

“No, he’ll probably invite you personally, but he wanted me to tell you beforehand.”

I narrow my eyebrows, “what am I, some sort of minister? Why are there levels of protocol when approaching me for an event?”

Seungkwan shrugs, “you know how Jeonghan-hyung is. You once told him you were uncomfortable at a party, and he’s taken that to heart ever since.”

I roll my eyes. The party in question was one thrown in the first year of university, after appropriate introductions had been made, and me and Jihoon had been invited out to a party by Joshua and his friends, where I got blind drunk and regretted it the next morning. Ever since that night, the boys have been particular about when to invite me out, none more so than Jeonghan, who apparently vetted all his invitations through Seungkwan, “tell him I’ll be there. And from now on, don’t let him vet his applications through you. If he wants to invite me out, he can call me himself. I don’t mind.”

“You do realise, if I relay your message verbatim to hyung, he’s going to be even more cautious of you?”

“Well, I’ll tell him myself, then.”

“Don’t tell him.”

I stare at Seungkwan, who looks serious, “really, sunbae, let other people care about you once in a while. Jeonghan-hyung is only mindful of your boundaries because he doesn’t want to overstep. He doesn’t see you as a burden, or as someone he needs to treat with kid gloves for the rest of his life.”

“Well, doesn’t matter what he thinks. If he continues to treat me like I’m a child, others might get annoyed with his actions.”

“Others? You mean the people that respect you and are cognizant of your boundaries and your shortcomings?” Seungkwan places a piece of meat in my rice bowl, I’m almost done with eating, “sunbae, people that make accommodations for you aren’t doing it because they secretly hate you, or that they’re bothered by your presence in events. They’re doing it because they want you to be there, and they like you enough to go out of their way to make a place for you at the table.”

“Seungkwan, this is much more complicated than that.”

“I don’t see why it has to be so complicated,” he says, standing up, “you keep being kind to people, but when they want to extend that same kindness to you, you reject it, saying its excessive. Aren’t you hurting yourself in the long run?”

“Seungkwan,” I hold my head in my hands, “I can’t just change my way of thinking.”

“Yes, I know,” he shakes his head, “just that��you should try at least.”

—

When I enter my apartment that evening, there’s a cloud hanging over my head. Its not simply the absence of Jihoon, but also Seungkwan’s words. To think that I haven’t been trying to accept the attentions of people, well, why am I trying to deny it? its correct.

My phone rings, and I pick it up without even checking the caller ID, “hello?”

“I had to hear from Jihoon that you had moved.”

I sigh. This is the last think I wanted to do at this moment, have a conversation with my mother, “sorry, I didn’t have a lot of opportunities to talk to anyone. I was too busy with work these past few weeks.”

“Still, it would have been nice to know that you moved, from you, and not from Jihoon.”

“Wait, mom, why—why are you talking to Jihoon instead of me?”

My mother laughs on the other end. It’s a nice thing, to hear her laugh, “because Jihoon, no, not just him, all of your friends call me more than you do. Jihoon even came by our house a few weeks ago, and had a meal with us.”

I sigh, “really, Jihoon—he’s going to piss me off at this rate.”

“No, don’t take out your frustrations on Jihoon. He’s a nice boy.”

I wonder how my mother would react if I told her that her ‘nice boy’ stormed into my apartment and told me he was in love with me ever since he went for his military service. She would probably jump with joy. “Sorry, mom,” I say, hoping my thoughts aren’t seeping into my voice, “I just started a new column at work.”

“Really? That’s so nice, I hope they aren’t overworking you.”

“No, mom, they’re not. I came home right on time today.”

“That’s good.” She says. I say nothing. What else is there to say? For someone who’s been alienated form their family for so long, all that remains is a string of hollow formalities and conversations that die out in a moment.

“How’s my sister?” I ask, in an effort to continue the conversation, “has she talked to you recently?”

My mother perks right up, “have I told you, your sister is getting married? She’s marrying Yong-Hwa in the spring. Has she not told you yet?”

In fact, my sister had told me, had told me how she was getting married to the love of her life, a prosecutor, and how she was envisioning the rest of her life with him, with children, a happy home, and more. It made me jealous; to see someone achieve their dreams when you are struggling with your own is not an easy thing.

“I heard,” I say, “how’s dad? Are his health problems persisting? Should I send more vitamins?”

“No, no, he’s perfectly fine. He’s still working as a lawyer, even though the doctor has told him not to. He says he’ll continue to work till he’s eighty.”

“Hah…dealing with father is tiring, isn’t it?” I groan, “I’ll come down the next time I get some time off. I’ll talk him into retiring properly.”

“You don’t have to do that,” my mother says, “knowing that you’re working hard is good enough for me, at least, this way, I can think that you’re doing well.”

“That’s good, then,” I reply, “sorry, mom, I’m getting another call. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay, but don’t go for too long without talking to us.”

This is fine. To know that my parents are doing well, its okay. I can hold on for longer if that’s what helps them. I’ll be the daughter they’re proud of.

—

I’ve been wandering for far too long. Always trying to be the best version of myself. But what lies at the end of this journey? Is it just a means of fulfilling my parents’ wishes?

On most days, I want to be alone. So, I push people away, just to benefit myself. It has got nothing to do with how I feel about them, it’s just how I feel most at ease. I’ve always been on my own, its just easier. Its easier to be the person people relied on, instead of the person who had to rely on others. But just for once, I’d like someone to tell me that it will be okay. It will be okay to break down, that it will be okay if I fail. My life has been so barren, that even trying to do anything otherwise is too much. For so long I’ve been someone whose life has been dictated by the wishes of others, that I fear I wont even be able to live well if I decided to live by my own.

What does it mean, to have a dream? I had a letter sent to me, saying that their dream is to find happiness on their own. Well, happiness is something that comes after a long time. I’m searching for it too, but I hope you find it, sincerely. To walk towards happiness isn’t something that’s easy. But I appreciate you for taking that step. To walk towards what you want. What you need.

There’s another letter, that says, ‘I don’t have a dream yet’. Don’t worry, a dream isn’t something that’s complicated. They aren’t supposed to be; you’re supposed to find something that makes you happy, that makes you want to live again. That’s all. that is all there is to a dream. All around us, people are living day to day, they’re living without finding what makes them happy. I hope it finds you soon.

I’m tired. I’m tired of trying to find something that gives me purpose. The way I’m living now, it’s enough for me, to live an average existence, to live in a way that gives me peace, if not happiness.

What happens when that peace is taken away, too?

—

Jeonghan throws good parties. That’s a given. It’s not as though he invites many people, or that his parties are a riot of good fun, but he always makes people feel at ease, if not with his actions, then with his words. Its who he is. A source of constant comfort, that I feel guilty for trying to take advantage of.

I arrive at his house after finishing work with a bottle of wine, hesitating before I press the doorbell. Jeonghan lives in a house in the middle of Seoul that he got for dirt cheap because the people who lived in there were violently murdered in the early ‘00s, a fact that I had asked him about once, and he had simply brushed it of by saying that if there were ghosts, he would befriend them. I’d given up on asking him after that one exchange.

The door opens within ten seconds of me ringing the doorbell, and Jeonghan greets me with a wide smile, “I thought you wouldn’t come! Can I give you a hug?”

I nod, “I told you I would be there,” but the rest of my sentence is drowned out by Jeonghan enveloping me into a large hug. He smells like an expensive perfume, mixed with the familiar smell of chicken and beer. Ah, so its that kind of party.

“Make yourself at home, the rest of them already have.” He says, ushering me into the living room, “the rest of the boys are already here. We were just waiting for you.”

“Waiting for me?”

“Because, my dear writer, you’ve always turned down any invites for parties for five years now. Now that you’ve accepted my invite, you’re the star of this gathering.”

I don’t say anything, but my discomfort must have shown on my face, because he suddenly stops me, “hey, just so you know, I meant that as a joke. Seungcheol just got a big promotion at work, so he’s been bragging about that for an hour now. I doubt anyone will pay attention to you.”

“That’s nice.”

All around the low table, there are cans of beer, snacks, and boxes of fried chicken. Jeonghan must have prepared for a lot of people to come. Seungcheol is talking about his job, how he was now the team manager of marketing, and how happy it made him, to have so much responsibility at such a young age. There’s Chan, Vernon, and Seungkwan, gossiping about their respective fields of work, and Mingyu is sleeping on the end of the table, while Minghao and Wonwoo talk about how work has been nowadays. Jun is noticeably missing from the group, but I can see him in the kitchen, making himself another drink, and then, there’s Jihoon. Seated between Joshua and Seokmin, talking about something I can’t hear. I stand still in my tracks, unable to move. What do I say? After rejecting him so painfully, what do I say? I’m sorry, Jihoon? Sorry about what? Sorry about not being able to accept genuine affection in the fears that it might ruin the one good thing I have for myself?

“Aren’t you going to sit?” Jeonghan asks, gesturing to a seat beside Jihoon, “I thought you would be more comfortable if you sat beside Jihoon, since you’ve known him for longer.”

In fact, I’d rather sit anywhere other than beside Jihoon, but I take the seat next to him gingerly, and Seokmin eagerly moves over. Seokmin is like a child, eager, soft around the edges, and someone you want to protect, no matter what. Maybe if I could look into people’s minds, Seokmin’s would be pure, devoid of any harshness of the world; is that why I tried to protect him even when I had no right to?

“Noona,” Seokmin giggles, “have I told you about the play I’m performing in? I’ll give you a ticket, so you have to come, okay?”

His energy is so infectious, I can’t help but smile with him, “of course, I’ll come to see you.”

“Are you okay?” Jihoon asks, his voice so quiet I barely miss it, “you don’t really come to occasions like these.”

“Felt like it,” I mutter, “new year, new me, or should I say new apartment, new me?”

Jihoon laughs, “yeah, you seem like you’ve changed. Your hands are shaking.”

I look down at my hands, and true enough, they’re shaking. Whether from nervousness or something else entirely, I don’t know, but they’re shaking. I ball my hands into fists. Whatever happens, don’t let anyone know what you’re going through. “just tired, perhaps.”

“You have been working too much,” Joshua pipes up, “you never reply to any of my texts anymore.”

“That’s because you keep asking me about flower arrangements,” I reply, “why would I look at flowers when I can’t smell them?”

“Sunbae is very busy at the news desk,” Seungkwan pipes up, “did you know, she has a new co—”

“Shut up, Seungkwan,” I mutter, reaching over to stuff a chicken leg in his mouth, “the work has been just harder these few days.”

Jihoon stares at me; it’s the same look he has in his eyes whenever he’s landed on something to probe, and sure enough, he asks, “why? What’s going on at the office?”

“Nothing!” I say, far too quick for it to even go past Seokmin or Joshua, (whom everyone, not just me, have deemed as the most scammable) “its nothing! Seungkwan just wanted to brag about his workload to everyone else.”

“Why the fuck would he do that?” Vernon asks, but is largely ignored by Jeonghan (my angel prince saviour Jeonghan) who arrives with drinks, a grumpy Jun in tow, announcing, “who wants shots!” and despite pushing thirty, Seungcheol, who had paused bragging about his work promotion, raised his hands, grabbing one of the shot glasses. Even Mingyu wakes up from his nap, raising his hand in the air and grabbing one of the shot glasses. They’re all going to regret it, I think to myself, then, feeling Jihoon’s eyes on me, grab a couple of the shot glasses myself. The drink is sugary, and multicoloured (Jun once wanted to be a bartender in university). It goes down far smoother than expected, since I’ve had Jun’s drinks since university, and they have tasted like battery acid far too many times for me to expect something nice out of his concoctions.

“This is actually nice,” Chan says, “hyung, what did you put in this?”

“Won’t be telling you,” Jun pulls a face, “you’ll just make it for other people and then take credit for it.”

Of course, this ensues in a squabble, with Chan loudly protesting that he would never do that to his beloved Jun-hyung (he would, I know) and Jun proclaiming that Chan is nothing but a dirty jerk who wants to put his grubby little hands, on Jun’s hard work and his creation (most likely, it was from a Reddit forum on bartending). One by one, the rest of them enter the argument, and I lean back into my seat, laughing at their antics. Its always chaos when I meet the boys, but somehow, its also peaceful. They’re loud, boisterous, and from whatever pictures Joshua and Jihoon had shared from their one shared ‘boys’ trip’, dirty as hell (these people laid out a carpet of towels instead of just drying their feet) but they know how to put someone’s mind at ease. Or at least, my mind at ease. I don’t know about others.

Its almost two in the morning when they quiet down. Jeonghan might have bought this house because it was dirt cheap and he wanted to make friends with the ghosts, but this house has one of the most gorgeous verandas I’ve ever seen. It looks out onto a peaceful Seoul street, and in the middle of the night, there’s no one here to complain if I smoke a cigarette.

I light one up, letting out a puff of air as I sit down on the marble flooring. It has been a long time since I smoked a cigarette (three days), and some of the smoke goes into my eyes when I let it out of my lungs. Its not enough to make me cough, but my eyes water nonetheless.

“You can smoke inside, if you want.” Jeonghan appears at the corner of my field of vision, “in fact, I think Minghao is smoking one right now.”

“Just wanted to get away from the noise a little,” I say, shaking the cigarette, “want to sit beside me?”

He shrugs, but crosses his legs and sits beside me on the marble flooring anyway.

After barely a minute, he turns to me, and without any warning, says, “so, has Jihoon told you he’s in love with you?”

I start coughing. Big, hacking coughs, and he just stares at me while I recover. I cannot believe I called him my saviour. “What—what do you mean?”

Jeonghan, the irritating bastard, still has that same, serene smile on his face, “you can’t possibly think that we all spent the last few years with our eyes closed now, have you? We’ve all known about Jihoon’s feelings for you, and now that you’re here, I can see that its reciprocated.”

“Wha-how are you even making these assumptions? I don’t have any feelings for him!” I whisper, “and yes, I know about his feelings. Even if they caught me somewhat by surprise, I’m aware of what kind of feelings he has for me.”

“And?” he leans close, “how does that make you feel?”

“How should it make you feel? I feel worried.”

“Worried?” he pulls a face, “if you wanted to get him off of your back, you’d say something like ‘I feel uncomfortable’, but you aren’t, because you don’t really feel uncomfortable, do you?”

I stare at him, fuck Jeonghan and his perceptive nature. “it’s not that I don’t feel uncomfortable, I just-don’t see the point in his confession.”

“Why? Why would a mere confession have you feeling this way? If you don’t want to accept it, then just say so. No one here,” Jeonghan points to the room, “will fault you for that. In fact, I think they’ll all commend you for it. Jihoon can be a tad bit difficult at times.”

I scoff, “he’s not difficult, he’s just—Jihoon.”

Jeonghan laughs, “see, I knew it. I knew there was something else there that you weren’t letting on. Now, come on, tell me,” and then spreads his arms wide, “tell oppa what’s bothering you.”

“If you refer to yourself as oppa again, I might have to kill you.”

This time, he laughs loud enough for people to hear inside, “fine, fine. I won’t be doing that anymore. But tell me, my dear writer, have you never thought about it? even once?”

I shrug, “of course I have. Everyone has those kinds of thoughts once in a while, I’m no different from the others, of course I’ve thought about it.”

“And?”

I shake my head, “nothing good will ever come out of it, because it’s a fifty-fifty chance. We either stick together until the end of time, or we break up and I can’t interact with him ever again.”

“So, you’d prefer to not try at all.”

“Yes, that’s exactly it.”

Jeonghan says nothing for a long time, and then finally, shrugs, “it’s your choice. If you don’t want to do something, then you shouldn’t force yourself to. But can I tell you something?”

“Yes?”

“When did he say that he started having feelings for you?”

I think for a moment, “since his military service.”

Jeonghan grins, sly, just the way I know his smile works, “As someone who’s seen Jihoon since his university days, I can tell you something. He’s got it wrong.”

“Wrong?”

“Yes. He’s liked you since the day you walked into his life. There has been no moment in time when he was not in love with you. He might have realised it late in life, but he’s always been in love with you.”

I stare. Jeonghan isn’t the kind of person who makes random statements, so for him to say this, its strange. Jihoon has been in love with me ever since the first day? but that doesn’t make sense. “You do realise he’s dated other people too, while he was friends with me?”

“Of course, I know that. Both you and him have been running away from your actual feelings, but that doesn’t make it any more apparent that you have both been in love with each other since the day you met. Or at least, it has been that way for Jihoon.”

With that, Jeonghan stands up, dusting off his trousers, “there’s a guest bedroom in there for you. If you’re tired, just go inside and sleep.”

I look inside, where Chan is currently trying to balance a beer can on his forehead, “and the rest of them?”

“The rest of them can sleep on the couch,” he says, “it’s the least they can do after creating such a ruckus in my own home.”

“But you invited them.”

There’s a slightly evil glint in his eyes as he says, “yes, yes I did.”

—

The next morning, I wake up to people talking all over themselves, and the smell of pancakes wafting in the air. That has got to be Joshua. After cleaning up in the attached bathroom, I walk out of the guest bedroom, coming face-to-face with Jun, who’s carrying in his hands a very large tray, heaped with pancakes and a singular glass of milk.

“Is this for me?” I ask, and he nods, gesturing towards the kitchen, where Joshua is busy cooking a meal for thirteen people. Or fourteen, if you count me.

“Sorry, I can’t have breakfast right now,” I sidestep past him, and Jun follows me out into the kitchen, “sorry, but I have to leave right now.”

“Without having breakfast?” Jun asks, setting the tray down, where Chan promptly picks one up and stuffs it into his face, “you should have something at least.”

“Had too much to drink last night,” I offer up as a feeble excuse, avoiding Jihoon’s gaze. It’s strange, piercing in a way that I am not really used to, “I should probably get going. There’s still so much to be done in my apartment.”

“Speaking of apartments,” Wonwoo speaks through a mouthful of pancake, “when are you going to call us all over?”

“As soon as I can,” I reply, “I’ll host a potluck. You all can bring a dish, and it’ll be a party.”

“Instead of that, just make Mingyu cook,” Soonyoung grins, “he’ll be eager to help if it involves you. And cooking. But mostly, you.”

I open my mouth to say something, but Jihoon stands up, slipping on his stupid khaki jacket, “here, I’ll give you a ride. Come on, then.”

“Ah but hyung, you still have so much on your plate—” Chan is promptly cut off in the middle of his sentence by a swift elbow to the ribs by Seungkwan, “hyung! Why the hell did you do that?”

Jihoon ignores the squabble currently breaking out at the dining table, and stares at me, his car keys dangling from his left hand, “want to come?”

Before I can say anything to accept the offer of a ride, Soonyoung raises a hand, “Jihoon, weren’t you supposed to meet the other producers and sound engineers today? I’m supposed to be there too, but will you not be attending?”

Even though Jeonghan hisses at Soonyoung to shut up, I can already see the cogs in Jihoon’s mind turning. Clearly, he wanted to talk to me, or at least, he wanted to make an effort to talk to me, “I’ll take a taxi, then.” I say, trying to make an excuse for myself, “don’t worry, Jihoon, you don’t have to drop me home.”

“No, I can drop you off and then go to the office,” he begins, but Joshua cuts him off (while wearing a Rilakkuma apron) saying, “can’t Mingyu take her home? He’s going in the same direction as her, so he can drop her easily. You don’t have to overexert yourself and drop her off at the apartment when you’re going in the opposite direction.”

While not one to turn down a free ride, I raise my hand to complain that I don’t need to take Mingyu’s car to go back home, but Mingyu walks into the room at that moment, and before I can say anything, Joshua turns to him, saying, “are you going back home right now?”

“Yes, hyung, I’m off for the weekend since Minghao is handling the meetings this time around,” he says brightly, “I can drop her off!”

“That’s settled, then,” Chan announces, “Jihoon-hyung can take Soonyoung to the company.”

“You brat,” Soonyoung scowls, “why is Jihoon hyung and I’m just Soonyoung? Do you have no respect for your elders?”

“I once saw you vomit into a flowerpot,” Chan says, “at that moment, you lost all respect in my eyes.”

Before another scuffle can break out over breakfast, Mingyu says loudly, “I’m leaving then!”

—

I’m a big fan of travelling in silence. Even if it is with someone I like, I prefer to sit in silence and contemplate, instead of chattering on about my life. That’s a lie. Mingyu chatters on and on about the new collection and how its selling better than he or Minghao expected, “This is such great news for a fashion brand that was launched less than a decade ago, noona,” he says, while driving his fancy car, and I sit still in my seat and pray that he hasn’t noticed the awkwardness between me and Jihoon. I don’t expect him to notice, either. Mingyu might be nice and well-meaning, but he’s also painfully oblivious.

Which is why it takes me by surprise when he turns to me, while the car is halted at a stop sign, and says, “so, have you figured out what to tell Jihoon-hyung yet?”

I cough, “how-how did you know about that?”

Mingyu laughs, “you think we all were unaware of how he feels towards you? Pfft. Noona, we’ve been observing him since he was in university. He’s always been gone for you.”

I stare resolutely out of the window, “you’re evidently kidding.”

“Noona. He used to stay up with you when you had exams, he used to make sure you weren’t dead when you used to hibernate for long periods of time, he even had a space for you in the stupid apartment studio, are you seriously telling me you had no idea that he was in love with you all this while?”

“Of course, I didn’t!” I want to scream and tear out my hair in frustration, “of course not! I thought he was just looking out for me because I was his only female friend, and after university, I thought to myself, that this is how he usually is! Why would I think that he’s in love with me?”

“Well, he thought that it would be enough to impress you.”

“We were twenty-two! I thought he was an immature weirdo who had no idea how to maintain female friendships!”

“Yes, he’s usually like that,” Mingyu resumes driving, “but he’s got degrees of being familiar.”

“I know. Jihoon’s like a cat. He approaches you at his own pace. Doing anything else will just push him off.”

Mingyu laughs, “you know what, noona, I think you’re a lot like a cat too.”

“Kim Mingyu, watch what you’re saying.”

He grins, “you know I’m correct.”

“Doesn’t mean you have to say it this way.”

“The way I see it,” he says, slowing down as the car turns into the parking lot of the apartment, “you’ve always approached people at your own pace too. Seokmin and I were overenthusiastic when meeting you for the first time, and you refused to even acknowledge me for the rest of the semester.”

“Sorry about that, really.”

“We didn’t mind then, and we don’t mind now,” he shrugs, “its just who you are. And to accept the kind of person that one is, and then to continue caring for them, yeah, that’s love.”

“Jihoon’s just my friend,” I say, getting out of the car, “he’s just my friend, nothing more.”

“Noona, the fact that you keep repeating this to all of us, makes me wonder who it is that you’re trying to convince. Is it me, the rest of us, Jihoon-hyung, or yourself?”

“Kim Mingyu,” I warn, “you’re overstepping.”

“Sorry, noona, but I have to ask,” he walks into the elevator after me, “have you always seen him as a friend, and nothing more? I saw how you used to, no, how you still treat him differently than the rest of us. You’ve always had a soft spot where he was concerned. In fact, you still do, and you’re hiding it.”

“Drop it, Mingyu. You have no idea what happened the last time I said anything about this.”

The elevator dings, opening onto our floor, and Mingyu steps out right behind me, “Then tell us, noona. We, all of us, Jihoon-hyung, everyone around you—we are stumbling around in the dark because you’ve been so closed off about your past.”

I shake my head, pressing the keys in the keypad lock, “maybe, you shouldn’t be knowing about this one, Mingyu.”

The door closes behind me with an audible click, and even without pressing an eye to the keyhole, I know Mingyu is still standing in front of my door, deliberating over whether or not to knock. In the end, his loyalty wins over his curiosity; he walks away, over to his own apartment.

I sink into a heap at the doorway. What do I do? I know I’ve told Jihoon to ignore the confession and be exactly as we were before, but that is not possible anymore, now that I know how he feels towards me. every interaction I have with him will be grappling with this same truth, and I’ll always be wondering about how he feels towards me.

Out of habit, I pull my phone out of my pocket, swiping through messages and emails, when one of them catches my eye. It’s a simple, single-line message.

Read your column. I know its anonymous, but I know how you write.

—Sungwon

How bad is rock bottom? Is it possible to go below that? I have to remind myself to breathe, as I slowly collect myself from the floor, and go about the rest of my morning. Of course, I shouldn’t think about the people who have left me behind. It’s a disservice to myself. I’ve spent enough time and money in therapy to know that. But what happens when the past refuses to let go of you?

I dial the first number I can get my hands on. After three rings, Jeonghan picks up, his cheerful voice filling the line, “hi! Did you reach home already? Did Mingyu crash the car?”

“Oppa.” I say, “you have to listen to me carefully.”

“Why?” Jeonghan’s voice, so cheerful moments before, has been filled with anxiety, “what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I lie, even as Jihoon’s voice floats over the line, yelling is she okay? “don’t let Jihoon know anything’s happened, please.”

“Yes, you reached fine?” Jeonghan says, voice nonchalant, “okay, I’m in another room, tell me what’s wrong.”

“Jeonghan-oppa.” It’s taking all have to not break into sobs, “I once told a friend, that I liked them.”

“Okay, and?” his voice is kind, so kind, that it drowns out the other voices in my mind saying you don’t deserve this, “what happened?”

“He said—he told me that I’d ruined our friendship, and he never talked to me after that.”

“Oh, oh no, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry to hear that. What else can I say, that will help you feel better?”

“Just—hear me out, for now,” I continue, “and he’s never contacted me, but all of a sudden, he sent me an email last night.”

“What did he say in the email?”

“That he’s been following my writing. I don’t understand, how is it easy for people to be like this when they’ve hurt someone else?”

“Are you afraid Jihoon is going to break off all contact with you, and then email you years later like some kind of pathetic loser?” he scoffs, “if he did that, I would be first in line to break his legs.”

“No, I’m afraid I’m going to be that person to Jihoon,” I sob, “I think I’m going to hurt him and leave him behind, and that I’ll be the person to deal him that cruel hand.”

The line is silent on the other end.

“Jeonghan? Are you there?” I ask.

“It’s me.” Jihoon’s voice sounds rough around the edges, as though he’s been crying, “I heard everything.”

“Jihoon.” I plead, “please don’t do anything that’ll hurt you.”

“I’m coming over in ten minutes,” he mutters, hanging up.

And it’s done. Over. Fuck. I’ve thrown away years of friendship because I didn’t want to accept my own emotions and grow beyond the scared girl I was as a child.

I want to cry, but even that effort is too much for me, sinking down into a heap in the middle of my living room, listening to the sounds of the wall clock ticking down every second.

Even before ten minutes are up, the keypad beeps, before the door opens to reveal a very windswept Jihoon.

“How did you know my password?” is the only thing I can say to him.

He rolls his eyes, “you use the same password as my studio. Of course, I know your password.”

“Fair.”

Jihoon stares at me for a beat, then takes a deep breath, before kneeling down on the floor beside me, “I overheard everything.”

“I’m going to curse Jeonghan and his high-volume phone,” I mutter, “I told him to keep it a secret.”

“To be fair, he was only protecting you.” Jihoon laughs, “he didn’t know I was more persistent than he could ever imagine.”

I shoot him a dirty look. Jihoon sighs, “look, I know, the way I said things to you, wasn’t the most ideal—”

“They were horrible, actually,” I cut in, “you yelled at me that you loved me, and then you left.”

“—man, just let me finish,” Jihoon says, without any real spite, “but I wanted to tell you, that my feelings still haven’t, and will not in the future, affect the way I see you. I’ve always been proud to call you my friend, even if you keep secrets from me.”

“I don’t keep that many secrets.” I mutter.

“Really? Then what about the whole anonymous column thing?”

“You knew about that?”

Jihoon scoffs, “I’ve seen you write since the beginning of university. I know how you write better than anyone else, of course, I knew it was you.”

“Then why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I’m respectful.”

I scowl, “continue.”

“I just wanted to say that even if you wanted to push me away, you can’t,” Jihoon says, smug smile on his face, “I’m impossible to get rid of.”

“You’re not selling yourself very well.”

“You still haven’t given me an answer to my confession.”

“Look, Jihoon, it would never work,” I say, turning away from him, “we know too much about each other. We’ve seen each other’s worst moments. And what if we break up? Who’s going to tell the rest of the boys that we no longer have the same dynamic that we used to have and that its going to be different around us? They have the tact of a bull; you know how they are going to be.”

“That’s them,” he replies, “I’m asking about you. I want to know what you think.”

I sigh. Jihoon’s face is remarkably close to me; from here I can make out the tiny little freckles he has, and the way his eyes are shining, “I’m scared.”

His skin is so soft under my touch, has he always been this way? Jihoon leans into my touch as if he’s never felt anything like this, “scared of what?”

“That I’ll like you too much. That once I take a step forward, it’ll be too difficult to restrain myself again.”

Jihoon laughs, the tip of his nose touching mine, “one step forward, is okay. It’s allowed.”

“Are you quoting Crash Landing on You?” I laugh, even as his lips touch mine.

Kissing Jihoon is an experience; his skin feels soft under my touch, but his lips are insistent against mine, demanding and reverent alternatively, as though he can’t believe his luck that he’s kissing me, or that this is a dream, and what he needs to do is possess it, and then, this memory of a moment will be forever engraved in his heart. My hands go to the back of his neck, where his hair is softer than usual—has he washed it—but all I can feel, under my fingers, is how his heart beats, quicker than I’ve ever imagined it to be, and how it mirrors my own.

I don’t want this moment to end.

164 notes · View notes

boyfhee · 2 years ago

Text

UNKISS ⋆ nrk

prompt · “you're so dumb” insert fond smile requested

g · bittersweet / fluff warnings · kissing, profanities wc · 0.9k

note · hi lily i hope u like this :< pls take care of urself, yeah? i luv u, and thanks to @flwrshee and @dokiyeom for beta reading + helping me with the ending. i asked both of them for advice and used neither's 😆☝️ go follow them

riki follows you closely behind as you rush down from the hallways to the middle of the football ground for some reason, anger spilling around with every step you take. “riki, what the fuck? what the actual fuck? how could y— why did you do that?”

“relax, it was just a kiss,” and his voice is calm, like it’s just a kiss, just a moment where his lips touched yours, like it’s an everyday thing, as if you’re making a big deal out of it by making it sound like he just committed a crime. you don’t know why or how he’s so normal about this while you feel every nerve in your body go off with sirens.

“my first kiss,” you turn around hastily, your index finger pointed at him as he takes a step back to avoid crashing into you. “it was my first kiss, riki, and you took it. you, and you’re not even my boyfriend,”

is this supposed to be a secret? yes. are you in the middle of the football ground throwing a tantrum like a five year old, for the world to know? also yes, and you couldn’t care less, actually. the fact that riki took your first kiss easily tops your list of concerns at the moment.

“i am,” he blinks, as if he’s stating a fact, hands on his waist like he’s making a completely valid point. “a fake one, but i am still your boyfriend,” you roll your eyes, scoffing at his oh so true words before shooting him a glare.

“that doesn’t even make sense. i thought i made it clear when i said ‘no kissing,’ at the beginning of this fake dating thing,” there were three rules, actually— no kissing, none of you are allowed to go on dates with someone else, this is a secret which means, none of you are allowed to breathe a word about this to anyone, not even your best friends.

“well, what do you expect me to do when your friends dare me to kiss you?” another factual information falls off his lips, it’s actually true this time. truth and dare with friends— never a good option, especially when you’re playing with your fake boyfriend and when your friends are spawns of the devil.

“i don’t know, you should’ve made an excuse to not kiss me, or you could’ve pretended to kiss me, you know, since this is all about pretending,” right, all about pretending, from pretending to date, to pretending to like each other, fake smiles and fake words of affirmations, fake sweet nothings whispered and fake claims of being in love— it’s all about pretending and riki, he isn’t enjoying this little play at all.

he doesn’t like that every i love you that leaves his mouth manages to convince the world but you. he hates that at the end of the day, every second spent with him is simply tagged as ‘fake dating’ under the chapters named after him in your life. riki despises the fact that no matter how true his feelings are, in your eyes, they’re just an act pulled by him to convince people he doesn’t care about, and he hates himself for not being able to tell you how he actually feels.

“eh, what’s done is done. besides, it can’t be that bad to kiss me,” so, he just picks up pieces of you from the smiles and hugs you give him here and there, hoping that there will be a day when you will actually consider turning whatever you two have into something more serious, something real.��

you feel your cheeks heat up at his words as you turn around to face away from him. truthfully, the kiss wasn’t half bad. it only lasted for a few seconds, but the ghost of his lips still lingers over yours as if you’re the home they’ve been looking for. you can still taste faint flavour of strawberry from the strawberry milk he had during the game. the moment replays at the back of your head like a movie, one that makes your heart beat relentlessly everytime you think about it. you don’t even know why your mind keeps travelling back to it every now and then.

“whatever, ‘ki, first kisses are important to me,” you like the fact that he hasn’t noticed your flustered face, he likes the little name you’ve given him unknowingly. “i wish we could just…unkiss or something,”

“that isn’t even a thing,” he chuckles, earning another glare from you in return. “you’re so dumb,” your words make no sense, but riki can feel himself smiling fondly at your stupid thoughts, his eyes fixed on you while yours are staring at the horizon with slight annoyance. what you said is baseless, but the next second, he’s actually considering it; to unkiss, if that’s even a thing— he can make it a thing, perhaps,

the next thing you know, riki is cupping your face to make you look at him, and before you could say something, his lips are on yours again, catching you by surprise as he pulls you a little closer. you swear your heart might’ve just skipped several beats, another second passes as you process the situation, and riki pulls away the very next moment. “there, i returned your first kiss back to you,”

and all it took riki is a kiss to find his way to your head, and an unkiss to find his way to your heart.

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dragonfly0808 · 5 months ago

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How the Squad Found Out About that One Time Riven and Flora Kissed

First part of the chapter takes place during s4, second part is back in s2 ch28, right after the end of the chapter.

I’d originally planned to have Flo and Riv kiss in that chapter but decided against it last minute cause I just wasn’t sure how to make it clear that, while there could’ve been something there, and they both feel that, there are no actual romantic feelings between the two.

The possibility of them? Yes. the reality of them? No.

I feel like Riven and Flora have the most distinct platonic soulmate relationship, mainly because they’re the main ones I really could see falling for each other if things had been different and if they hadn’t meet Musa and Helia and I wanted to get that across in a poetic way but not a tragic way ya know? They didn’t lose anything for not falling for each other in this universe and they are still a huge part of each other’s lives if that makes sense?

Whatever, I’ll stop rambling, hope u enjoy this little drabble! I will be posting it on AO3 probably later on

***

It’d been a slow week, no activity from the Wizards and Roxy’s classes progressing nicely.

The squad had decided to have a quiet game night, with some alcohol coming into the mixture at some point.

At the moment, they were playing Truth or Dare.

In all honesty, there was very little they didn’t know about each other, but even after so long, there were still a few things that could surprise them from time to time.

Stella considered her turn, the bottle on the ground dictating that she’d gotten Riven.

The coward had chosen truth.

There were few things she could ask him that could result in anything majorly interesting.

Unless… Stella glanced towards Flora, who was leaning against Helia, his arm wrapped around her shoulders.

Anyone who had eyes could tell Flora and Riven had adored each other since their first year. That was obvious. At this point it was also obvious that, while they didn’t see each other as siblings, they didn’t see each other in any kind of romantic light either.

…but she would be lying if she said that she wasn’t curious about whether or not they ever had, even for a fleeting moment. Especially since she did remember one particular evening during their second year in which they’d both seemed… almost bashful with each other.

Should she?

Stella slowly leaned back against Brandon’s chest, meeting Riven’s challenging look, “Okay, I know what I want to ask.”

Riven spread his hands, “Go on then buttercup.”

“Have you ever… kissed someone in this room-” she ignored the snorts, continuing, “who wasn’t Musa?”

Riven froze for a split second, clearly flabbergasted before casting a single quick glance towards Flora, who had sunk into Helia’s arms, covering her face as she flushed.

“Listen-”

“I FUCKING KNEW IT!” Stella shouted, slamming a hand against the ground.

Musa broke down into giggles as she turned to Riven, “What?”

“No- it- it was before we were dating obviously. It was dumb we just…”

“We were fucking up a lot with you two so we got a little drunk and we kissed to seal our depressing marriage pact.” Flora explained.

Helia chuckled under his breath before turning to Riven with mock anger, “You got a marriage pact with my girl? What happened to the bro code?”

“We were drunk, depressed and hating on love. She was obsessed with you, I was obsessed with Musa but we were fully convinced we’d just fucked everything up for good- cut us some slack man!”

They all burst out laughing, clinging to each other as they Flora somehow sunk further into the floor and Riven hid his face in Musa’s neck.

***

Flora was thinking, unable to focus on the book in her hand. She could feel the alcohol at the base of her skull, a dull thump, barely there but just present enough to make her think.

She’d freaked out on Helia.

Riven loved her. He was her person.

Did that mean something? Or did she just want a connection that her baggage didn’t impede?

She turned to him, watching him as he tinkered on one of his projects, trying to think objectively.

He noticed after a moment, meeting her gaze, “Something wrong?”

“No, I was just… thinking.”

“About?”

He’d freaked out on Musa.

Flora loved him. She was his person.

But how did she love him? Was her mind playing tricks on her?

“Have you ever thought… that maybe… you and I should try?”

One of his eyebrows slowly rose up as he set down his tools and fully turned to face her, crossing his arms and leaning back, “I won’t lie… the thought did cross my mind once or twice… before I really started catching feelings for Musa. You?”

“Same. Before I fell for Helia… I don’t know, maybe I thought about it in passing.” But she would’ve never acted on it even back then because she knew Musa had a crush.

“It’s weird isn’t it… if not just sad. That we’ve had so little love in our lives that now we’re doubting what we have.” Riven muttered under his breath, letting his head fall back as he sighed.

“Yeah… should we… do something about it?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know.”

Riven raised his head, inspecting her before going to join her on the small couch, sitting besides her.

“Should we kiss?” He asked, it sounded like he was asking himself just as much as he was asking her.

Flora considered, “I mean… could be like… sealing the marriage pact?” She took a deep breath, shaking off her nerves, this was her person, worst case scenario, it might be a bit gross, “Okay. I’m in if you’re in.”

Riven nodded along, “Okay.”

He leaned down to meet her halfway. It was a hesitant, yet gentle kiss, soft and slow as they both tried to figure out how they felt about it.

Seconds passed and they pulled apart, both leaning against the couch, staring at the wall before them.

“I mean… it didn’t feel… wrong.” She started hesitantly.

“But it didn’t feel right either.”

“Exactly.”

They glanced at each other before laughing light-heartily. Blushing out of embarrassment and awkwardness.

“If things were different… maybe then.” He said after a long minute.

She shrugged, bumping her shoulder against his, “Maybe in another life.”

He snorted, “Yeah, maybe in another life.”

#veiled wings and shattered panoramas #winx riven #winx flora #flora and riven #riven and flora #winx club #winx rewrite #winx #winx headcannon #winx fanfic #winx headcanons

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lovecla · 3 months ago

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TAKE YOUR PAIN AWAY | quinn hughes.

chapter one:

➴ chapter warnings: shitty mom.

➴ word count: 2.6k

💌 from me to you: and finally, the first chapter of TYPA is here. i wanted to post this only when i had at least the first five chapters ready so you guys wouldn’t wait too long for updates, so thank u all for waiting. again, i cannot stress this enough: read the story’s warnings before reading the story!!! aaand i love u all!!! (also thank u for 200+ followers? insane!)

౨ৎ

2024, MARCH

YOUR ALARM went off at half past five, and you grunted, smacking it with your right hand, trying to make it stop yelling.

After you turned it off, you laid your bed on your pillow again, sighing. Turning your head to the side, you watched as Bella snored like she paid all of your bills and worked a nine to five everyday. You smiled, happy to see her so relaxed.

You got up, put on your slippers and walked to your bathroom, turning on the lights and regretting immediately after, because your eyes took a long time to adjust to the bright, white light.

You opened the tap, putting in warm water and gently wetting your face, before closing it and grabbing your cleanser and starting your morning skincare routine.

Even though you loved to stay in bed, there was something about the early hours of the day. You could go on with your morning with no one bothering you, just working on the steps of completing your morning routine with ease, while the world was still asleep outside— even though Los Angeles never got entirely asleep.

You can wash your face and apply your moisturizer, before stepping in the shower after letting your skin absorb the products. Then, you can scrub your body and exfoliate it, humming to this week’s top song on Spotify charts. You can dry yourself with your fluffiest towel, smear your skin with your favorite vanilla scented body lotion and perfume.

Then, you can wake Bella up, and force her to leave your bed so you can make it. She’ll growl and bark at you, but in the end she’ll be too eager to go outside to do anything else.

You’ll change into your outfit of the day, something cozy, and grab your keys before leaving the house with Bella by your side, taking her to the dog park your apartment complex has, and let her enjoy the synthetic grass while you stare at her, smiling from ear to ear.

You’ll both stay there for ten minutes, with you talking to her about everything and anything, while she sniffs around the place and answers your yapping with occasional barks.

Then, you’ll call her name and go back to your place, starving for food. You’ll make your breakfast, nothing too heavy— a cup of green tea and a yogurt bowl.

You’ll leave your house at sometime around seven a.m., after grabbing everything you’ll need for the day and saying goodbye to Bella, telling her that her dog sitter, Carly, will be there in just a few hours. You’ll get into the car your agency sent to you, greeting the driver and sitting in the back, checking the texts on your phone. And then, you will feel your heart stop inside your chest, because—

What the hell does she want? You thought, squeezing your phone so hard between your hands that, for a second, you thought you’d actually break it.

You haven’t seen your mom in a year. Or your family, for that matter. Your parents, your brother and Canada felt just like a distant, hurtful memory that you wanted to keep away from yourself, buried deep inside your heart.

After making your teenage years feel like hell, and after making you hate yourself in more ways you’d ever think possible, your mom got you signed at the most prestigious modeling agency in all LA, IMG Models. Some people online talked about how you were only the cover of last year’s VOGUE because you’re basically a Nepo Baby, and even though your social media team did their best to debunk those comments, you knew— everyone did— that they were right: you only reached the top that fast because you are the daughter of the editor-in-chief of Fashion and retired model, Jessica Carter.

Not that you weren’t pretty, no, you were. But your last name opened more doors for you than your face and body ever would.

But at the end, you were grateful to be living a normal life— as normal as it could get— away from Canada. That country held painful memories and people that you would much rather watch from afar.

You didn’t reply to her text, you didn’t need to. She made it very clear that your attendance wasn’t an option. Even at twenty-two years old, your mom would always have the final word.

You arrived on set ten minutes after reading that text, sad to have your good mood ruined. But you still had a long day of work ahead of you, so you should just do what you’re best at: pretending you’re fine.

You spent your entire morning at a photoshoot for Elle, posing for infinite pictures and changing as fast as you could, while trying your hardest not to focus on your mom’s text.

Glad to be working with people who were actually nice, you slipped into your work headspace and when you checked your phone again, it was lunch time.

Grabbing the biggest salad from the agency’s restaurant, you ate with no hunger or pleasure. Thinking of your life back in Canada made you sick.

After lunch, you were sent to another location so they could take more pictures of you, the photographer, Garret, making sure to get the right photos of you.

At six, you were ready to head back to home, but unfortunately, part of your job meant interacting with people on social media. Sometimes answering questions online, making TikToks or even posting on Instagram.

౨ৎ

liked by gigihadid, champagnepapi, darianka and 560,929 others.

madisoncarter @britishvogue 🧸

View all 12,082 comments

user1 she’s just so pretty i cant

user2 looked at my gf and sighed

user3 user4 this yo boyfriend?

user4 user3 EX boyfriend now.

britishvogue Stunning 🤩

imgmodels you never disappoint bbg 😌

user5 i love u thank u for blessing my feed

౨ৎ

“ARE YOU leaving already, darlin’?”

Nicholas’ voice echoed as you bend over to grab your purse.

Looking at him, you smiled, tiredly. “Yes, hum. Actually, I need to talk to you about something,” you took a step further, stopping in front of the man you've known as your boss the past four years.

“Yeah, go ahead.” He leaned against the wall, waiting.

“I need to have Friday off,” you started, biting your lip. “It’s a family thing. Promise I’ll be back on Monday.”

“Madison, you’re literally the only model here who hasn’t missed a work day for an entire year, maybe even more than that,” he laughs, blond hair moving as his head turns around. “If you want to take the entire week off, you’re allowed to.”

A week in Toronto? No, thank you.

“No, I just need Friday.” You replied, adjusting your bag on your shoulder.

“You’re free to go, my love. Send kisses to your mom, okay? Tell her to visit us sometime.”

“Of course, thank you.” You kissed his cheek quickly before heading back to the elevator.

On your way home, you thought about all of the things your mom might want of you. Sure, she said that she wanted the family to get together and all of that, but you’re sure there’s more to that. She wouldn’t make you fly to Canada just because she wants to have dinner with you. She’s just not that kind of person.

Entering your apartment, the first thing you did after removing your shoes was go looking for Bella, who had somehow managed to lock herself inside the guest's bathroom, and was whining loudly.

“Naughty, naughty girl,” you kissed her, petting her fur gently. “How did you even do that?”

She just licked you and you sighed, the long hours of work finally hitting you completely. You just needed to shower, drink your daily glass of warm milk and play with Bella for a while before going to bed.

Locking away all thoughts related to Canada, you followed your night routine like you’d usually do, trying your hardest to let the people you buried years ago stay away like you wanted them to.

#quinn hughes x reader #quinn hughes #quinn hughes x y/n #quinn hughes x oc #quinn hughes x you #quinn hughes x model!fmc #quinn hughes angst #quinn hughes au #quinn hughes fic #quinn hughes smut #TYPA

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vulpixisananimal · 4 months ago

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Carrion!Sif AU, Chapter 2

ACT 2, The Smell

(You wake up.)

(. . . What.)

(You, you were checking for traps in the hallway and couldn't see, smell, feel anything until the very last second and then-)

"Siffrin!"

(It was Mirabelle. She walked up you you just like last time and just like then just started, taking to you!)

"Good morning! Or, w-" >>> "-but not too long!"

(You stared at Mirabelle as she walked off. The scent of that soap she used even stronger than last time. She, she said the same thing, same exact thing?!? But, but wait you- How- how did-)

(Did you-)

(DID YOU JUST DIE?!?!?!)

(You did!! You must have!! You just walked into that hall and said everything was fine and you died!!! You didn't see anything!! Smell anything!! AND YOU STILL DIED?!?!)

(You're USELESS!!! It's your JOB to find traps and you DIED!!! You didn't even get a glimpse of the King and you just got squished flat!!! STUPID, STUPID STUPID!!!)

(AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

(Okay you're over it now.)

(You sit up, dizzy. And now absolutly starving. Your stomach growls. Stars, why are you so hungry again??? Ugh, and now you're gonna have to wait untill tonight, again! You grip the grass beneath you, taking a breath, once, twice, and three times. You're ok, Sifrin. You're ok. You're back here, and now you can do better this time.)

[You got the "Memory of Looping!" You'll always remember this.]

(. . . What was that voice?)

(You stand up, looking around. You could smell the birds, the people, everything around you. Come on, Siffrin. You'll be okay.)

[. . . You should come to the Favor Tree when you have a second, Stardust~]

(You shudder, Stardust?)

>>>

". . ."

(A. . . A star?)

(You had gone straight to the favor tree to see just, what just happened. And, there was a star sitting there, a star person.)

". . . My! Struck speachless at the sight of me, aren't you~?" (The star put a hand to their mouth like they were laughing at you.) "You're so cute, Stardust~"

(Stardust?!?) "U-uhm--"

"Aww, Siffrin. Look at you, all lost and confused~"

(?!?!?!?) "How, how do you know my-"

"Why wouldn't I know, you're Sif! Siffrin! No middle name, no last name~" (The star leaned back against the favor tree.) "Now I know you must be quite overwhelmed, with this being your first loop and all~"

"My. . . ." (You shake your head, this was all a lot to take in, and. . .)

"Oh where are my manners! Take a seat, Stardust, there's plent of room~"

(You look between the star and the root of the tree. Who, who was this?!? You couldn't tell, they smelled of, sugar. Strongly of sugar, and nothing, and a bit of something that smelled a bit familiar.)

(. . . . . . You decide to sit down.)

". . . . . ."

". . . . . . . . . So! You're stuck in a time loop!"

>>>

"Phew, Bonbon! That was DE-LI-CIOUS!!"

(Deja Vu.)

(So, you're in a time loop. Loop was, here, and helping you out. But, that was okay! Great, actually! That means that you could be useful! And that makes it okay, doesn't it? You could get used to this, used to dying. Something about it, it felt familiar, and that felt, comforting? Why should it feel comforting?)

(. . .What were you thinking about again?)

(Anyway! You ate up your food even faster than last time. You felt famished! Even more so than before! But you had to pace yourself at least a little. Right? Don't cause a scene.)

(This'll be fine!)

>>>

(It was right there.)

(It was right BLINDING THERE!!!)

(Right in front of your stupid! Blinding face!! A little hidden switch in the side of a pillar! How!! How could you miss it!!! Stupid, stupid stupid stupid!!!!!)

(You breathe in, and out. Fine, you flip the switch.)

(CRACK!)

(THUD!!!)

(. . . . . There's a pause, a large rock fell a few feet back.)

". . . . Let's go, everyone."

"W-wow! Not even phased! Huh!" (Isa says, falling in step as you lead everyone along. They were scared, worried, you could smell it, it's fine, though, nothing bad can happen now.)

>>>

"Why the need for an armory and weapons in the first place?" (Asks Odile)

(It was a small room, a few spears on a rock, a sword on the wall. The others were talking as you looked around. The smell of sugar only got stronger.)

(You weren't paying too much attention to the conversation, once they were done, you moved on. What else was around the room? There was a big steel thing with a stone on it, and a big brick, thing- O-OH, you take a big step back.)

"You're alright, Sif!" (Isabeau says, reassuringly.) "I don't think anyone will be using this forge aaaaany time soon."

"It's not even hot!! Dummy!!" (Bonnie walks over to the forge and kicks it.) ". . . Ow."

"Be nice, Bonnie." (Odile adds, giving you a look of sympathy.) "You can't exactly controll these things."

"Too true! Let's get going, then!" (Isa finishes, you nod, leaving the room. Fast.)

>>>

"Do you guys, smell that?"

(You had to ask. You had to because it was getting unbearably strong! The SUGAR! The sweetness!! It honestly was driving you a little mad and stepping through the halls only made it worse!! You knew, it was LEADING somewhere!)

"Smell. . . What?"

"I don't smell anything."

"Hmmmm, maybe?"

"Is it the sugar?"

(You turn to Bonnie.) "Sugar?"

"Yeah, sugar!" (They sniff the air.) "It's been around since we got in here. Super sugary."

(Huh.) "Guess I'm not crazy then."

"Hehe, I wouldn't say that!"

(You all laugh, and move on. Right, sugar, that was fine. Just a bit of sweetness. You all walk on, through the hall, to the door at the end. The smell got stronger, why here? Was it a food storage room? Well, you were about to find out anyway. You open the door and walk inside.)

(You gag and stumble to a knee, the smell was WAY. WAY TOO STRONG. Your eye was watering, it was unbearable. You felt Isa kneel down to your side.)

"S-sif! Are you alright?!?" (He asks, worried.)

"S-so strong-" (You choke out.)

"C-careful! There's-" (Mira starts, you look up, there was a weird sadness in the room you didn't even see! You could barely see anything, anyway. It noticed you all, and charged.)

"Gems, Siffrin, get up!" (Odile takes a combatitve stance.)

"R-right-" (You stumble to your feet, gripping your dagger, battle time, just, don't, don't think about the smell, don't, get, distracted--)

-----

(Obligaroey @traumaboyexo <3)

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amyispxnk · 5 months ago

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My Kind of Woman

Chapter 5: Collide

Series Masterlist || Previous Chapter

Series summary - Your song captivates Joel the second he hears you that night in Jackson, but he struggles to work up the courage to confess his feelings. With some (very heavy) encouragement from Ellie and Tommy, you two get closer and closer until he finally thinks he’s ready.

Chapter summary - Joel makes up for the time he stood you up.

A/N: just wanted to say a big thank you for the support on this series so far! love u all<3

also im so excited for this chapter because they’re finally starting to (officially) like eachother guysss ahh

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Word count: 2k

Warnings: fluff, a few dirty thoughts (because what is this fic without them), slight language

DO NOT COPY THIS FIC IN ANY WAY PLS AND TY.

Also this chapter has a song..!

The next week, you have another lighter schedule - two patrols and three nights at the Tipsy Bison. Unfortunately though, your first patrol is on Monday morning at the ass-crack of dawn, and Joel can definitely tell that you’re not a morning person from it.

“So today we’re heading out to-” he begins, and you cut him off.

“I know, Joel.” You sigh heavily, getting annoyed just from that in your grumpy state. He doesn’t take it personally though, quickly deducing what’s wrong.

“Not a morning person, I take it?” He chuckles, and you just nod, taking another large swig of your coffee before screwing the lid back on and going over to May, your mare, to prep her for the patrol.

He does the same, keeping conversation light and just asking about your supplies and whatnot, still receiving a little attitude from you despite his efforts, before the two of you exit Jackson’s gates once more.

After almost an hour of riding, the sun is close to being fully risen and you find yourself watching it with awe. You never really took the time to watch the sun rise, but it really was beautiful, especially out here with no distractions or pollution to ruin the view of it.

“It’s so pretty.” You find yourself commenting, and Joel looks over at you, seeing the view which you’re talking about.

“I guess. I can think of something prettier, though.” He murmurs, staring directly at you. You turn to face him and realise what he’s done, smiling shyly before averting your gaze once more.

“So, where’s that music store you were talking about last time?” You ask.

“It ain’t this way, so I don’t think we could go today. We could try go on Thursday’s patrol, though. ‘S just a little ways past that town we cleared.” Joel replies, to which you nod.

“Guess we’ll go then.”

That morning’s patrol is fairly quick and quiet, a few straggling runners dotted around the outlook you two end up at, and nothing more.

You get back to Jackson just before lunchtime and return your horses and weapons. You’re tending to May, giving her a treat and combing her mane, when Joel enters the stables.

“Hey.” He says, voice gruff and nervous, almost.

“Hey,” you smile, turning to face him, “what’s up?”

“Nothin’, just.. It’s lunchtime.”

You nod slowly, a little confused. He picks up on this and sighs.

“Wanted to ask if you.. if you wanted to come over for lunch. Ellie’ll be there too… Thought it might be nice.” He mumbles, not able to meet your eye as he braces himself for rejection.

“That sounds great! I’d have to get changed and stuff, so I could be over in maybe.. Half an hour?” You say, smile wider now, and he finally looks back up at you, trying to hide his surprise.

“Yeah- yeah. That sounds good. See you then.” He says, giving you a wry smile before leaving you in the stables, hurrying back home to get everything ready for you. It was a last minute decision, and he was honestly already regretting it, but he just wanted to spend more time with you. Even though the two of you had just spent almost 4 hours together, he needed more.

Ellie’s surprised to see him in such a rush, and to see him in the kitchen actually cooking something for once.

“Dude.. what are you doing?” She laughs as she watches him pull out a pot and almost throw open the fridge door.

“I invited her over for lunch. Dunno what I was thinking.” He grumbles, squeezing his eyes together and pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation when Ellie cheers and whoops excessively.

“You finally did it! Oh my god. It only took you 10 years.” She smirks, sitting at the island and watching him grab the most random ingredients, as if they’ll make something good when he puts them together. Her brows furrow before pity floods her system, and she gets up with a deep sigh.

“Okay, what are you actually doing..?” She says, rounding the island and coming to his side.

“I don’t.. I don’t know,” he sighs, “this is gonna be shit.”

“Not if I can help it.” She says, determined to not let this fail. “Just.. gimme 20 minutes and I can make something good.”

“You want any help, or-”

“No! You have to go get ready for your date!” She says abruptly, cutting him off and grinning slyly when he starts going red at her words.

“It’s not a date.. She’s just coming over for lunch. You’re gonna be here anyway…” He mutters, turning and going upstairs to get ready nonetheless.

“You keep telling yourself that, old man.” She smirks, getting herself busy with the cooking.

20 minutes later, Joel comes downstairs freshly shaved and changed into some better clothes than the ones he wore for patrol.

Ellie lets out a low whistle when she sees him. “Wowwww, you actually look half-decent for once. Well done.” She teases, to which he just rolls his eyes.

“What’d you make? Actually looks half-decent.” He smirks as he comes to see what Ellie’s cooked up.

“I made this spaghetti for us, and it looks more than decent to me, thank you very much.”

–

Just breathe.

You keep repeating that in your mind as you walk down the street to Joel’s home. Overthinking, as always, but trying to quell your thoughts when you reach his front porch and make your way up the steps. You clench your fists, taking a deep breath before raising your hand and knocking on the door. It’s opened surprisingly quickly by a very eager Ellie, ushering you inside and informing you that Joel’s just finishing up in the kitchen. You start up some conversation with Ellie as the two of you sit at the table, waiting for Joel. He approaches with the food and your breath catches in your throat when you see him.

He looks fucking beautiful.

He’s wearing a different shirt, one you’ve never seen him in before. It’s a deep green, with the sleeves rolled up just past his forearms and exposing even more skin which you try your hardest not to salivate over, and it’s tucked into his jeans. The jeans are criminally tight on him and you quickly avert your gaze when you catch yourself almost eyeing his bulge, finally meeting his eyes.

“Joel. Hi.” You breathe, and he gives you an equally flustered greeting.

You had just changed into one of your better sweaters and some jeans. Both of them hugged your body perfectly, showing off your curves. The sweater was off-shoulder so it showed off your collarbones as well.

You guessed the outfit was a good choice when Joel’s brain visibly short-circuits at the sight of you, and he blinks a few times before he even realises you’ve said something to him, greeting you back and setting the food down.

“Ohh, damn it. You know what I just remembered? Dina actually wanted to see me like… now. So I guess I’m gonna have to leave you guys here. So sorry.” Ellie smirks, clearly not guilty in the slightest as she gets up from the table and makes her way to the front door.

“Have a nice lunch, you two.”

Joel looks like a deer in headlights, still standing by the table as Ellie leaves, the door swinging shut and leaving the two of you in silence.

“I’m gonna just.. grab some forks.” He mumbles, and you nod, watching him leave and trying not to focus on how good his ass looks in those jeans.

After giving himself a silent pep talk in the kitchen, he returns with the forks and sits across from you at the table.

At first, the conversation is a little slow. Mundane topics like what else have you been up to and the weather’s been looking good recently but eventually, you get into a flow, moving from topic to topic, laughing together and having a really good time.

“This has been great, Joel. Thank you.” You say after helping him clean everything up, much to his protest - ‘you’re my guest, shouldn’t be cleanin’ up’ - but you insisted.

“Pleasure’s mine.” He smiles softly, willing himself to not get lost in your eyes again, averting his gaze quickly.

“Um.. you don’t have to leave just yet.” He starts, and you turn back to face him.

“Got a few guitars upstairs, if you wanted to play… I know we didn’t really get to last time.” He offers shyly, and you can’t hide your grin this time. You’re finally getting to hear Joel play.

“I’d like that.” You say, and he nods, going upstairs to grab them.

He comes back and hands you one, the two of you sitting down in the living room as you strum a little.

“So, what d’you wanna play?” He asks after a minute of letting you get acquainted with the guitar.

“I actually wanted to hear you play first… If that’s okay! It’s totally fine if you don’t wanna-”

“Nah. Figure I owe it to ya.” He says, thinking of a song and taking a deep breath before starting to play. It’s a little bit of a bold choice, but he figures he could play it off if you don’t receive it well.

The dawn is breaking

A light shining through

You’re barely waking

And I’m tangled up in you

You’re stunned into silence as his deep voice cuts through the air, positively transfixed by it and his skilful playing. You’re so entranced that you barely realise the lyrics of the song, but when you do, your eyes go even wider.

But I’m open, you’re closed

Where I follow, you’ll go

I worry I won’t see your face

Light up again

Surely he doesn’t mean it. He just chose a random song. He hasn’t made the same association with it that you have. It’s just a random song.

Even the best fall down sometime

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme

Out of the doubt that fills my mind

I somehow find

You and I collide

You listen quietly as he plays all the way til the end of the song, admiring how he plays, as lost in the music as you find yourself becoming.

You finally find

You and I collide

A final strum rings through the air as he looks up at you, meeting your wide eyes with his own, hoping that you understood what he meant from the song.

You open your mouth to say something, but you’re interrupted by the front door swinging open.

The moment is lost, and you blink quickly, standing up as two voices come from the front door.

“Yeah, we can just go to the gara- oh. Hey.” Ellie says bashfully, realising she’s probably just interrupted something.

“We’re just going to my place. Sorry.” She chuckles, walking through the living room with Dina, to whom you offer a small wave. Dina’s a nice girl, you know her from the school.

As the back door closes, you look back at Joel.

“I should probably get going.” You say, offering him a small smile.

He just nods, clearing his throat to fill the silence.

“I knew you’d be good at guitar.” You comment, and he smiles back at you this time.

“Thanks, sweetheart. You want me to walk you home?” He asks as the two of you walk to the front door.

“That’s okay. I’ll see you on Thursday?” You ask as red taints your cheeks once more from that name.

“Yep. See you then.”

“Thank you for this. Bye, Joel.” You say, leaning up and pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek, something you’d decided to do before you could think about it too hard, before opening the front door and leaving him once again stunned, frozen in place on the other side.

You exhale shakily, taking a second to calm your nerves before heading back home.

Thank you sm for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated <3

Next Chapter

Tags- @mermaidgirl30 @tuquoquebrute @joelmillerisapunk @pascals-doll @casa-boiardi @konigslittleliebling @xxx-silhouette-xxx @hannah9921 @friskispunk @orcasoul @s0meoone

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momotorin · 1 year ago

Note

heard u were down for fluff asks i’m craaavvving mina content like maybe a silly snowball fight and she’s so quiet and reserved but so determined to best your ass after u throw one at her

crystal flowers

fluff | childhood friend!mina x fem!reader | as always, MEN DNI!!!!!

i'm very festive about winter (i haven't even touched snow ffs)

it's christmas break. finally, you could unclench every single muscle in your academically tired and worn body; laying flat on your best friend's penguin printed sheets.

"hey," she nudges at you, hands still steady on her controller, playing the last few chapters of zelda. (which she probably finished over the course of the semester, but she's doing it because she wants to know the other plotlines.) "move, what the hell, dude!"

"are you seriously dude-ing me right now?" you raised an eyebrow, and you scoffed, finally moving your body away from the surface of the bed to sit down. "i can't believe you."

not a single response from her. just a bunch of clicking, more clicking, and a sigh.

you pout beside her, like the little mini pincher on her lap, your adoptive child, ray-chan.

mina glares at you, one that was full of happiness as she breaks into a laugh. "what?"

"nothing," you nudged at her. "done with your game?"

"you bet," she sighs, pressing the start button to exit the game completely. "it's extra chilly today, don't you think?"

"yeah," you let out a little 'brr..' as you rubbed on your hoodie clad arms. "hot choco could be really good right now..."

mina laughs, "tell that to my mom," she says, laying on the bed, facing you. ray follows shortly after, snuggling between the space of the two of you. mina happily pets him, "i think he's bored, y/n."

"probably," you let out a little snort as you pet him as well. "he probably got bored seeing you do your little game instead of paying attention to him," you cupped ray's cheeks. "didn't you?"

"i think you're the bored one here," mina laughs. "anyways, there's a snow advisory. we can't bring him out either, you know, since he's quite..."

"yeah, i know," you sighed, petting the golden fur of ray. "but can we?"

mina smiles, lips tight and eyes closed as she stretches her legs. "park?"

"definitely," you smiled, sitting up now. "i'll buy the hot choco."

"fair enough," mina breathed as she stood up. "i'll get taiyaki then."

hours later, after a thousand nudges at mina and her controller, you squeal in joy, finally standing up and kissing ray goodbye for a while.

mina let the snowfall pass, so that you're left with leaps of snow in the park.

you sighed, the white fog coming out of your mouth.

mina looks at you, quite concerned, "what are you sighing about, pretty?"

"pretty?" you repeat, in disbelief that mina said it as a compliment. "you're trying to get me to buy the taiyaki too, don't you?"

mina blushes under her knitted scarf, "n-no," she stutters, watching the steps of her boots leave traces on the snow covered pavement. "it's just that, you're actually extra pretty today."

"quite the sweet talker, aren't you, minari?" you jokingly wrap an arm around her shoulders, almost bringing her down to your height.

you two arrived at the park shortly after. the stalls, the playground, and some kids making snow angels on the pavement; it was all too familiar with you two.

"let's go," you held mina's hand, going to the hot choco stand. "can i get two large ones please?" you asked, handing over a bill, still not letting go of mina's hand.

you two went to your favourite seat, covered in white, probably wet snow.

mina laughs as she wipes away the snow, trying to salvage her convenience of seating. "oh well," she sighs, not finding any luck. "can't believe we're standing up."

"you've been sitting for like 12+ hours in front of your nintendo switch rig, dude, even nature doesn't want you to sit anymore," you joked, blowing on your hot chocolate, cooling it down a little before it meets your tongue. "anyways, mina, mama invited you and your parents to come over at christmas eve. she's been planning a little exchange gift thing with your mom, i think."

"oh!" mina suddenly exclaimed. "mama told me about that too," she remembered. "she asked me to help her finish knitting some scarves. i think it's for your mom."

"that's so cute." you commented.

"what, you want one too?"

"of cou-" you cut yourself off mid sentence. "yeah! of course! are you going to make it for me, minari?"

mina shrugged her shoulders, "not a big deal, actually," she smiles. she's so fucking cute holding the cup on her hands with her penguin mittens on, you say at the back of your mind, the awe reflecting on your face, and mina laughs at it, "in one condition."

"what is it?"

"buy me the mclaren f1 tecnic lego set."

"mina!" you exclaimed, kicking a small dollop of snow to her. "i am generous, but i'm not a jesus type of generous. try something a little... in my budget. i could buy you one, yes, but like wow i could never with that set."

"what do you mean you could never?! your allowance is literally like... 10,000 yen more than mine. you can do it." she fakes her encouragement, trying to get you on your good side to buy the set.

"look, you have your dad. you have your mom. heck, you even have kai-san," you sighed, trying to block her request. (you actually got the set already, but you want to give it on christmas so no spoilers!) "i don't want to be like... your sugar mommy or something."

mina laughs, "i mean, you look like one all the time, why den-"

"shut up." you nudge at her as you finish your cup of hot chocolate. you two went to the nearby trash bin to dispose of both of your cups, and went back to the playground.

"well, it's good that no one's on the swing." she mentioned.

"i don't think the kids would appreciate having wet asses," you laughed, looking at your shoes. you remember, the snow was quite thick, and you pulled mina to the little valley of snow that formed on one of the slides. you form a ball, a small one, round, and threw it at her. "merry ch-"

"no." mina threw a much bigger, more scattered snowball at you, hitting your face almost.

"i'm still not getting you the set," you threw one back, and you saw mina making a bigger one. "oh-"

you run away, trying to find another dollop of snow in the park to form into a ball and throw at mina.

she hits you, directly at the back, making you slow down a bit, "you're getting me that!"

you threw one back, one of the same size, but you didn't expect that mina had a bigger one she was holding onto as she had her hand placed on her back.

you two ran around the park for a good 10 minutes, having pointless fights with snowballs. (mina argues that it could be snow triangles, snow rhombuses, or simply just snow because she just wanted to throw some at you.)

you finally settle down in the middle of the park, feeling the snow around you, not the pavement, and mina was above, attempting to throw another snowball on your face.

"stop, please," you smiled at her. "let's just... lay down, okay?"

mina gives up the moment she sees you smile. she puts the pile of snow just beside your ear, and she lays down beside you.

you reach out for her hand, like you always do, and you feel a drop of snow lay crystals on your cheek.

and it begins, the parade of a thousand pearls as you close your eyes, just feeling the snow go and whip all over your body.

mina admired you as the snow fell. at how your nose crinkles the moment snow hits the tip of your nose, how red your ears got, how your grip got tighter, and how you closed your eyes to feel.

fuck it, she says to herself, as she pulls you to her, removing her penguin mittens to fully cup your cheek, and kissing you.

you jolt your eyes open, melting into mina's touch, as the snow falls on you two.

mina pulls away, breath staggering in both anticipation and anxiety.

you smiled at her, putting your hand on the side of her waist, pulling it closer. "do you really mean it, minari?"

"i d-"

you pulled her into a kiss, once more leaving her breathless as you shared it under the snow. mina laughs, breaking the kiss, laying her forehead against yours.

the snow falls, and it fills mina's senses— the coldness, the warmth, the redness, and the sight of you looking at her with the love she's been looking for in everything.

#twice fluff #twice mina #twice mina fluff #twice imagines #mina imagines #mina fluff

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phoxey · 1 year ago

Text

The White Raven (Bada Lee Gang AU)

Gang!Bada Lee x fem!reader

CW: Gang activities. lil bit of angst, a hetero kiss (ew)

AN: this got a bit long, but istg i never wrote a chapter this fast, i kinda love this chapter and im so proud, hope u will enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it!

Chapter 4

Chapter 5 – You owe me double, Bada Lee.

“You are saving my day again.”, Bada grinned.

You winked. “I like being your hero, Bada.”

A week later you were in your room, standing in front of your mirror. Surprisingly you still fit into your black satin dress, that your mom had bought you after you left the courthouse on the last day of the trial, when you were cleared of all charges.

It was the party dress that you had always worn when you were going clubbing a few years ago. Back when you first met Shin Seonwoo.

You heard the doorbell ring and your mom open the door. A few minutes later Bada knocked on your door and opened the door to your room. Immediately she froze.

“Too much? Be honest…”, you said and spun around for her to look at your outfit.

You were sure you heard her mumble a curse word under her breath then.

“You look… Appropriate for a club.”, she said and pressed her lips together.

“You gotta learn how to compliment a lady, Bada.”, you chuckled and stepped closer to her, tidying up the blazer that she was wearing.

Suddenly your door opened again and your brother stood in the frame. He was only sixteen but as tall as Bada, and he tried to seem even taller and broader than he actually was, which made you giggle. He had an almost angry facial expression, as he approached Bada and got up into her face.

“You better treat my sister right, or else.”, he said, trying to sound intimidating.

Bada smirked. “Or else what, little boy?”

You broke out in laughter, as your brother became smaller and smaller under Bada’s stare.

“Don’t worry, we are just friends and going clubbing.”, you said and wrapped your arm around Bada.

Your brother nodded. “Please be safe, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, you little idiot. You go study now please.”, you said and ruffled his hair before kissing his forehead.

“Your brother is cute.”, Bada chuckled.

“Ask him out then.”, you pouted.

She shook her head. “His older sister is cuter.”

You blushed a little, as you two walked out the apartment and to Bada’s car. Gentlemanly, she opened the door for you to get in.

“Your family is nice.”, Bada smiled fondly.

“Yeah. I love my mom and my brother.”

“They love you too, I can tell.”

You watched her. Some would see her as relaxed, since Bada was just driving with one hand. The other one was resting on her thigh, but you could see nervous fingers tapping. So, you took it gently.

“Bada.”

“Hm?”

“Relax.”

Before you could ask, why she was nervous, she pulled over and looked at you.

“So here is the plan. Or rather the part of the plan that concerns you. You go inside and talk to Seonwoo. Distract him. He usually goes to check his office, every 30 minutes. Make him forget about it. Buy us time. We will be as fast as possible. I will text you when we are done, you find some excuse to leave and you meet me here again, I will be waiting.”

You nodded slowly. “Okay. I will do my best.”

Bada smiled at you. “I know you will, my little hero.”

You winked at her before getting out. She drove away as you walked into the club. The music was loud and heavy, the people sweaty and you could smell the sheer amount of alcohol that was being consumed by the guests.

You looked around and put on your red lipstick. Game time.

Finding Shin Seonwoo wasn’t hard. He was lounging in the VIP area with three other women and a few of his bodyguards. You know what you had to do. You positioned yourself strategically on the dancefloor, so he could see you but it wasn’t obviously intentional.

It worked smoothly. After ten minutes of dancing, you could feel his eyes on you, and after another ten you saw him talk to one of his girls. She stood up and with the brightest fake smile she came over to you. She had black hair and a black lipstick, her curves were hugged by an expensive black dress. You briefly thought that she must be a famous actress. That’s how attractive that woman was.

“Hi, darling.”, she said into your ear, wrapping her arms around your neck. “Alone today?”

You smirked. “Sadly. I just wanted to have some fun.”

She bit her lip. “I can take you to meet someone fun.”

“I would love that.”

She took your hand and walked with you over to the VIP. Shin Seonwoo was manspreading on his couch, two girls on either side. He smelled like cigars and leather. He was terribly thin and grey. Looking almost like a mouse in a very ugly purple suit. A gold tooth shimmered when he smiled.

“You caught my eye, beautiful.”, he grinned.

“You seem to have a good taste.”, you said, giving him a sly smirk, while nodding to the other women next to him.

“Oh, I like you already.”, he said and licked his dry lips.

He made one of the girls move so you could sit next to him. You sweettalked him here and there, but mostly he was talking about himself and his (limited) success in life. At some point his arm wrapped around you, his fingers digging into your waist. A shiver of disgust went down your spine and you felt the need to immediately shower, as he started caressing you.

When he talked to the other girl briefly, your phone buzzed and you quickly checked it.

Bada: [Keep him busy some more, we ran into some… impediment…]

You sighed at that.

You: [When you are done just call me and pretend to be my boyfriend.]

Despite being disgusted you leaned into Seonwoo’s embrace. Your eyes kept going back and forth between his boney face and the clock that hang on the wall. The time was passing in an unforgiving pace. You could feel him getting nervous. His answers getting shorter. He wanted to stand up a few times, but you lulled him into another talk over and over.

“I know you probably have a crush on me but I really need to go do my job for a moment.”, he said, mildly pissed.

You panicked internally. “I want to kiss you, babe.”, you pouted.

The women looked shocked at you. None of them would voluntarily kiss Shin Seonwoo, the human form of a sewer rat. They were just with him for the chance to socially climb within the underground world of Seoul, trying to impress Shin Seonwoo’s high-ranking guests, not Shin Seonwoo himself.

Slowly Shin Seonwoo sank back into the couch, not taking his eyes off you. You gulped hard but hoped that he didn’t notice. You begged Bada would call you now, so you wouldn’t have to go through with what you said. But your phone was still and thus Seonwoo’s crusty lips were on yours.

He was a terrible kisser. It seemed more like he wanted to eat your face, not really kiss you. But you played along. With hands on his cheeks, you tried to guide him and slow him down, but he only took it as an invite to touch you was well, so he grasped your hips and pulled you close.

Just when he was about to slip his tongue into your mouth, your phone finally rang. Panting you pulled away and grabbed your phone. Finally. Bada.

You smiled apologetically at Seonwoo and picked it up.

“Yes babe?”, You said sweetly into your phone.

Bada tried to make her voice sound as deep and manly as possible. “Where are you?”

“Babyyyyy…”, you pouted. “I’m at the club, I wanted some fun…”

“Fun? What do you mean fun?”, Bada asked.

“You know… dancing… meeting new people…”

Seonwoo grinned at that.

“You come home immediately!”

“Home why?”, you whined and gave Seonwoo doe eyes.

“Now.”

“Okay, baby…”, you said and put your phone away.

You went over and fixed Seonwoo’s tie. “I’m sorry, my boyfriend tends to ruin my fun.”

“Come back anytime. You are a VIP from now on in all my clubs.”

As you left you waved to the other women, but you noticed how the woman from earlier did not wave back, but rather narrowed her eyes at you.

You didn’t waste another thought and stormed out of the club, immediately jumping into Bada’s car that waited in front of the entrance.

“Took you long enough. What happened?”, you asked as you fastened your seatbelt. But Bada didn’t answer so you turned to look at her.

With wide eyes she stared at you.

“What?”, you asked confused.

“What happened to your lipstick?”, she asked, demanding.

You were confused and looked into the mirror on your side of the car. The red lipstick was smudged everywhere but your lips.

“I had to distract him.”, you said simply.

“By kissing him?”, she asked, almost two octaves higher.

“You took very long, that’s the only way a virgin like him would let me distract him.”

“Still! You can’t just kiss anyone!”

“I did as I seemed fit. I don’t understand why you are angry! Be grateful, it wasn’t like I enjoyed it!”, you argued back.

Bada huffed, she wanted to shoot back but something in the mirror caught her attention. A Subaru was coming closer… fast.

“Fuck…”, she breathed out, she seemed to know the car. Immediately she stomped her foot onto the gas pedal, ignoring all speed limits and red lights.

“Who’s car is it?”, you asked terrified.

“Trust me, you don’t wanna know.”, she said, pressing her lips together.

“Bada! Answer!”

“My ex girlfriend… who also happens to be Seonwoo’s sister…”, Bada admitted.

“Is this a fucking Drama?”, you groaned. “You promised this whole thing was safe for me!”

Bada concentrated on the street, she tried to drive through narrow alleys, in hopes of losing her., but the other car was getting only closer, easily following Bada. Then suddenly Bada had to put her foot on the brake harshly and the car came to a halt Infront of a brick wall.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…”, she repeated and boxed her steering wheel. Then she saw that the Subaru parked behind her. She opened the glove department in front of you and took out a gun, pressing it into your hands. “Stay in the car.”

She opened the door on her side and got out.

The people in the other car got out as well. It was the woman in the black dress again, behind her a girl that was masked up, who seemed to be her shadow. The woman who drove the car, stayed put inside the car, probably in case that a swift escape was needed.

“Soojin…”, Bada smiled. “Long time no see. You look great.”

“Bada Lee. Let’s skip the pleasantries. This is business, not a Sunday brunch. Let’s not get personal.”, she said coldly.

“I don’t know what you mean.”, Bada tried.

“Maybe your new little fling knows what I mean. Never seen someone to make out with my pathetic brother so passionately.”, Soojin said, and your eyes briefly met. “Janice.”

Janice, the masked girl behind Soojin, raised her gun, pointing at Bada, who was already doing the same.

“You stole from my brother, Bada.”

“Technically, I didn’t. He had bills to pay, and I just helped with the process.”, Bada said calmly, gripping her gun tighter.

“Bada, it’s three against one… and a half.”, she chuckled with a quick nod to you. “This is not the time to get cocky.”

“Actually, it’s three against seven.”, a voice said.

Out of a narrow alley way, the rest of the Bebe members walked out, each and every one had their gun cocked and ready. Lusher grinned at Soojin. “Seven and a half, if you will.”, she mused.

“Boss? Maybe there will be a better opportunity…”, the driving girl said to Soojin.

She slowly nodded and gave Janice a look, who immediately lowered her gun. Yet the Bebe girls didn’t.

“This isn’t over Bada Lee. Be careful from now on.”, Soojin warned, then she got into the car. “Let’s leave, Kyeonseo.”

Kyeonseo nodded and drifted on the spot to turn around and drive away again.

You let out the breath you were holding and carefully laid the gun that Bada gave you back into the glove department, before getting out of the car. The tension made you wobbly on your knees but Lusher was next to you and caught you. “Careful.”

But you continued to walk over to Bada, fuming. You glared at her, angrily.

“You owe me double, Bada Lee.”

Chapter 6

#swf #swf2 #bada lee #bada lee swf #bada lee x reader #swf2 x reader #bada lee x y/n #team bebe

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call-sign-jinx · 10 months ago

Text

Endless Love (Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw) - Chapter 6

summary - Y/N Y/L/N and Bradley Bradshaw have had a rivalry ever since they both attended the same academy. Every chance they took, they always tried to one up each other. One day, Bradley takes the rivalry too far and Y/N ends up in the hospital with serious injuries. Will it make Y/N want to get him back twice as worse? Or will it make her realise that this rivalry between them is childish?

warnings - swearing, enemies to lovers, mention of serious injury, traumatic episodes, reader traumatised from what happened, smut, slowburn, seizures, flashbacks

Main Masterlist Bradley ”Rooster” Bradshaw Masterlist

a/n - hey girlies! it's been a loooooong time since i posted the last chapter. i tried to edit this and add to it but i jus couldn't. long story short i went thru a fat breakup and i jus needed to take a break. and deepest apologies cos this one is so short! hope u enjoy regardless! xx

When I woke up, my head was pounding. I rubbed the sleep off of my eyes then looked around the room. This wasn't my room. This was too tidy to be my room. I got up and opened the door to peer out of it. Yeah this definitely was not my house. Maybe I had a one night stand? Or... I don't know I woke up in an alternate universe?

I walked out of the room and began to smell something. It was fucking gorgeous. Haven't smelt something like it since I moved to the US. I followed the smell and there I saw Bradshaw, shirtless cooking what looked to be a Full English. Wait... why the fuck and where did Bradshaw manage to get the stuff you need to make a Full English?

My focus quickly changed to his figure, damn he looked god without a shirt. Yeah, I have seen him before with no shirt but that was when we were always arguing so I never paid it any mind. But dayum, he looked good as hell. I couldn't stop staring in all honesty, his golden skin tone mixed with how well he'd been working out just pulled me into a trance. I shook my head and quickly walked up to the kitchen island.

"Good morning Bradshaw. Please could you tell me how the actual fuck I woke up in your house?" I placed my chin on my hand as I stared up at him. He chuckled and shook his eggs and he flipped over the bacon, I quickly glanced at it and it was British bacon. Wow...

"So you're telling me you remember nothing from last night?" My brows furrowed and my lips pouted.

"I remember going out to the Hard Deck with Phoenix, getting wankered and then fuck knows what else. Why?" I raised a brow in suspicion and confusion.

"Let me give you the run down. You and Phoenix showed up to the bar with pretty skimpy dresses, you had too many double whiskies for anyone's liking, Phoenix went home so you joined the rest of the Dagger Squad. Then an hour later your 'friend,' can't remember his name, said he'd take you home and then basically asked if you wanna help cheat on his girlfriend. You also said that you're moving out and I offered for you to stay here until you find a new place to live. And you said yes." My jaw dropped. Wait... Thomas wanted to cheat on his girlfriend?... With me?!

"I know, wild night you had sweetheart." He chuckled as he finished cooking the breakfast and plated it all up. He passed me one plate as he sat down next to me and began to eat his.

"Wait wait wait, pause for a second there Bradshaw. Thomas wanted to cheat on his girlfriend with me?" I couldn't believe it, we'd stay up all night so he could talk about how in love with her he was. He even talked about fucking proposing to her. Bradshaw nodded in response.

"Nah what the fuck? That can't be true. He literally took me ring shopping for her the other day." Bradshaw didn't reply, all he did was take his phone out. He tapped it a few times and then placed it on the worktop. It was an audio. It had a few voices in it that stuck out to me. But the one that stuck out the most was Thomas'. The things he said made my top lip curl up in disgust. I furrowed my brows as I looked at Bradshaw.

"We've been friends since I was 6. Why and how the fuck has he turned into this? He used to be so fucking sweet and caring." Bradshaw gave me a sympathetic look.

"Some people just change. It sucks, doesn't it?" I let out a scoff with a smile.

"It really fucking does." I stare into space for a few seconds until I look back to the Full English that Bradshaw has been cooking. "When and where did you find out how to make a Full English breakfast Bradshaw?" Bradshaw gave me a smirk as he sat down across from me.

"The joys of google." He jabbed the bacon and sausage before shoving it into his mouth.

------------------------------------------------------

Today was a slow day at Top Gun. Nothing was really getting done because Maverick and Cyclone were having a 6 hour long argument somehow. I can't even hold a 10 minute conversation let alone a fucking 6 hour long argument. What are they even arguing about?

Phoenix jabbed me on my shoulder to get my attention.

"You wanna go to the beach after this? Maverick said it's some team building technique. Everyone has to go apparently." I rolled my eyes with a slight smirk.

"How is going to the beach going to help us all get along? Also, could I come to your house before so I can get ready? I'm staying at Bradshaw's for a bit til I can find somewhere to live." Phoenix immediately said yes and told me some other girls from the squad are coming as well.

Thinking about the beach and team building brought an idea into my head. Although me and Bradshaw are civil now, doesn't mean I can't mess with him.

#top gun #top gun fanfic #top gun fanfiction #top gun imagines #top gun maverick #top gun rooster #bradley bradshaw fanfiction #bradley bradshaw #bradley bradshaw fluff #bradley bradshaw x reader

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millersdjarin · 2 years ago

Text

Some Invisible String

Chapter II: Skies Grew Darker

Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader (afab)

Rating: E (eventually)

Summary: Ten years after Reader left Joel for reasons he still doesn't know, they find themselves together again in a town called Jackson. Joel has questions he's too afraid to ask; and Reader dreads having to give the answers.

Chapter length: 3.9k

Warnings/Tags: injury recovery, light angst, ellie is an absolute G and i love her with all my heart

Chapter One

notes: hello i hope u enjoy love u <3

They’ve got medicine here. Actual antibiotics, even some painkillers.

Apparently some of the folks in town are from all different corners of the country—some ex-fireflies, some ex-loners, even some ex-hunters, like me, Tommy, and Joel. Everyone came with their own stories, and their own supplies, or ways of getting them.

Well, everyone except me. All I brought was blood and confusion. But, still.

Angela keeps me in the town’s doctor’s office for a couple of days to recover. In that time, Joel comes to see me several times each day, as well as Tommy and Ellie. I still don’t really know who she is; just that, for some reason, she’s especially close with Joel. But, just like he’s holding back his questions—I can see it on his face every time the room falls into quiet—I’ve held back mine until I start to feel a little more human again.

Which is today, apparently. Everything is aching less, and I feel like I’m actually awake where I lie still in my bed. I could probably even sit up to eat today if I wanted to.

Ellie comes in sometime in the early morning, not long after I and the rest of the town started to wake up. She smiles, so bright-eyed and young, and sits in the chair beside my bed. “How you feeling?” She asks. “You look better.”

“I feel better,” I answer with a relieved exhale. “I mean, I still feel like I just came back from the brink of death, but…you know.”

“I know what you mean,” Ellie says. “I’ve had days like that, too. I remember after Joel was injured last winter, even once he was better he still took a while to get right again.”

I frown, mostly out of curiosity, partly out of concern. “How long have you two known each other?”

She blows a raspberry and looks away in thought. “I guess over a year now. A year and a half maybe? Time is weird.”

“Yeah, tell me about it. Have you been here all that time?”

“No. We actually both came from Boston.”

“Boston?” I feel my eyebrows raise. That’s a long way from Texas, and it’s a long way from here. “So how long have you been…here? What brought you here?”

“That’s…kind of a long story,” she grins, sheepish. “I’m sure Joel’ll tell you all about it.”

I almost snort. “I doubt it.”

“Why not? You guys were obviously close.”

“It was a long time ago.”

“Alright, well, he obviously cares a lot about you,” Ellie counters. She’s swinging her legs back and forth under the chair, her hands sitting calmly in her lap. “Him and Tommy. How’d you guys meet?”

“It’s a long story,” I echo her earlier sentiment, not wanting to get into it. I’m sure Ellie is just as curious about my history with them as I am about her’s. But it’s complicated. Everything is always so complicated. “You guys are obviously close, too. You and Joel.”

“Yeah. Yeah, we are.” A fond smile spreads over her lips, shy, like she’s trying to hide it. She looks down at her lap, fiddles with her fingers. “We had a pretty intense few months together out on the road. But you know what he’s like. Emotions, relationships…not really his area of expertise.”

I actually do laugh at that, because I can’t help it. Because even though she’s just a kid, Ellie gets it. “Yeah, you’re telling me, kid. It’s just his way of surviving, though, you know?”

She nods. “Yeah, I know. And I get it. He’s taught me a lot about that. You know, surviving.”

My mind goes to Sarah in an instant.

I met Joel five years after the outbreak. He never talked about his past, his family, his life before it all went to shit. And he definitely never talked about Sarah.

But Tommy told me. One night, when Joel had been particularly gruff and distant all day, insisting on taking all the patrols even though he was exhausted from constant nightmares for a week, Tommy told me it was Sarah’s birthday. He said her name like I should have already known who she was. Like he’d expected Joel would have told me.

I only brought it up to him the one time. That night when I went to bed and saw him sitting on his shitty mattress on the ground, fiddling with the broken watch on his left wrist. “Tommy told me,” I said, quiet into the dark room. “About Sarah.”

“Don’t…”

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry. And that if you ever want to tell someone about her, I’m all ears,” I’d said. Then, before he could protest or leave the room out of frustration, embarrassment, survival instinct—whatever it was that kept him so guarded—I just said, “Goodnight, Joel.”

And that was that.

Now, lying here in this bed, I look up at Ellie, hear her say Joel taught her how to survive. Something he never got chance to teach Sarah after it all went to shit. Something he blamed himself for. Maybe he still does.

I think of Sarah, of Joel, of his closeness with Ellie. It must have taken him a lot to overcome his fears and his past. It’s always weighed over him so heavily that I could see it.

But now, thinking about it, about how he is with Ellie, he looks different. Lighter. Like he’s not so afraid anymore.

I wonder what happened between them. How he let anyone new into his life again.

Just as I’m about to ask Ellie, the door swings open, and in walks Joel.

“Speak of the devil,” Ellie smirks, craning her neck to look at him.

“You ladies talkin’ about me?” Joel asks. He doesn’t smile, but there’s one in his voice. He’s carrying a covered tray that’s billowing steam up from around the edges. “Thought my ears were burnin’.”

“Yeah, talking shit,” Ellie says.

Joel grumbles in response and heads closer to me. He’s so tall from where I am, towering over me like a beautiful skyscraper. Shifting the tray into one hand, he uses his other to gently bump his fist against Ellie’s shoulder. “Scoot,” he says. Ellie does as he asks but stands behind the chair as he sits down, putting her hands on the backrest. “You hungry?” He asks me.

“Starving,” I answer. The food, whatever it is, smells good. Sweet. I haven’t had sweet in so long.

“Got pancakes,” he opens the tray like someone on an old ad for a cruise. If I was talking to anyone else but Joel, I’d expect them to say Bon appetit.

“Pancakes?” Ellie repeats from behind him, staring down at the plate with wide eyes. “Why did no one tell me it’s pancakes?!”

He smiles, mostly to himself. It’s soft and fond. It’s fucking beautiful to see on him. “Well, go on then,” he says to her, so southern that it hurts, “there might still be some left. Better hurry before the other kids get there first.”

Ellie starts towards the door, but pauses before opening it. “I’m glad you’re feeling better,” she says, smiling at me, then she heads back out into the cold and runs across the street to the cafe.

Joel turns to me with that same fond smile. There’s a look on his face that says, Kids, am I right? And I don’t know how I translate it, because I’ve never seen him look like this before. “You need help eatin’?” He asks, putting the cover back on the plate to keep it hot.

“I think I can sit up today,” I say.

“You sure? I don’t know if Angela needs to check you over first…”

I wave a nonchalant hand, then press it into the mattress. “I’m fine.” Using both hands, I start to push myself up the bed, lifting my head and chest.

Joel shifts on his chair. “I don’t know if…”

“She told me to sit up when I feel ready,” I grunt out, using all the strength I have—which isn’t a lot—to get myself sitting upright. It hurts like fuck, but the pain has been worse in the last few days, so it’s fine. (It’s not. It’s spreading across my whole body. But I just want to eat my pancakes, to feel normal again. To prove Joel wrong and make up for the fact that I cried in front of everyone. In front of him.)

Joel half reaches out towards me. I start to struggle the last few inches as my stomach muscles begin to weaken. I can’t quite get straight enough to lean back against the wall, and my elbows are shaking.

Without a word, Joel puts down the tray and shoots up from his seat, reaching out to hold me steady. One of his hands grasps the arm opposite him, the other wrapping around my back. “I gotcha,” he hauls me up against the headboard. God. His hands are freezing, but my skin under where he touches me feels like fire. “Alright?” He asks once I’m settled.

I can’t quite speak, so I just nod.

The tray is in my lap soon, complete with a closed cup of milk with a straw, like it’s made for a kid. But it means it hasn’t spilled, and doesn’t spill even when my hands shake a little as I drink, so it is what it is.

“You want some time alone, or…?”

I stare at him, not knowing what to say. What I want.

“Just I know Ellie’s been comin’ in here a lot, so I thought maybe you’re wanting some space…”

I stab a piece of pancake and eat it. My God, there’s not even any syrup on it, just some stewed apples, but it is like heaven has just exploded in my mouth. I feel my eyelids flutter at the sensation, at the sweetness I haven’t tasted in so many years. Then, instead of giving Joel an answer, I ask, “What’s the deal with you two? She’s a sweet kid. Seems to care about me just ’cause you d—know me.” I stop myself before I say Because you do. Because, does he? Does he care any more than he feels obligated to anymore?

If Joel notices my stumble, he doesn’t show it. “Yeah, she’s…she’s a good kid. It’s kind of a long story.”

“That’s what Ellie told me, too.” I’m speaking with my mouth full of sticky, sweet pancakes. This might actually be heaven.

“I, uh…I did a lot of smuggling, back in Boston. Me and my…partner, we got a job to smuggle her out of the QZ.”

I raise an eyebrow. “You smuggled a teenage girl out of a safe place and into the wild?”

“I wouldn’t say safe,” he grumbles, “but, yeah.”

“Why’d she need smuggled?”

“That’s, uh…” he looks away, down at his lap. For a moment he seems to consider something, his forehead creasing like it does when he’s thinking really hard. “I don’t think you’d believe me if I told you.”

Observing him for a moment, I push a bit of apple out of my teeth with my tongue. “Try me,” I say.

Instead of answering, Joel sighs, long and heavy. After a minute he shakes his head, and when he lifts it to meet my eyes, I see an expression that I only saw in the first few weeks we knew each other. An expression I never thought I’d have to see again: distrust.

He shakes his head again, and doesn’t say anything.

But I hear him clear as day. He doesn’t trust me.

I don’t blame him.

Clearing my throat, I chop up another mouthful of pancake and shove it down me. Somehow, I’ve almost finished the plate already. “Thanks, uh, for the breakfast.”

“Thank Lucy. We’re damn lucky to have her.”

Lucy is the town’s cook. A lot of the residents cook for themselves in their homes—which was once the norm in our lives, but now seems like such a foreign concept—but she still makes meals in the cafe for newer residents, injured people, and those who are shit at cooking.

“So, you went on some big adventure, I assume,” I say into the quiet, half-joking. But the way Joel chuckles dryly and shakes his head, I realise that the answer is a very serious yes. “How’s Tommy already married if you’ve not been here long?”

“He’s been here a lot longer than me. Maria’s dad set this place up.”

I frown. “Tommy wasn’t in Boston with you?”

Joel still won’t meet my eyes. He runs a rough hand over his mouth and stubble, rubs his jaw where the hairs are greyer. I’m a little distracted by it, to be honest. I can’t help but imagine running my hands over his face myself. Even after all this time, those thoughts are still there.

“We, uh, we separated a while back. Not long after you left, actually.”

“…Oh,” I’m not sure what to make of that. “I’m glad you’re back together again.”

“Me, too.”

My plate now empty, I watch him. He’s somewhat lost in thought, stroking at his jaw over and over, back and forth, staring down at the floor. Maybe he, too, is lost in the memories of what it was like back then. When me, him, and Tommy were a team. When we were part of a group of hunters. When we killed to survive.

It was hell. Tommy always hated it the most, even though I was always the softest.

But we did survive.

I look at Joel now, all grey flecks of hair and creases on his face from years of horror. I’ve got some premature greys now, too, but not nearly as many. He looks tired. Not badly rested; there are no bags under his eyes or paleness in his cheeks. But he just looks…tired. Worn down. Maybe it’s because of my presence here.

“Joel…” I say, hesitant. I don’t really know where I’m going with it. I can’t stop thinking about the old days. About the day I left. About the letter I wrote explaining why, that was always addressed to the fire, and not to him. “It’s been a long time,” I find myself settling on.

He laughs at that. I can’t decide if it’s humourless or not. “Yeah. It has.”

“You got old,” I tease. Because that’s always a good route to go down when I’m not sure.

“I sure did. Happens to all of us. Not you, apparently.” He glances up at me, then looks away just as quickly.

“What are you talking about? I got old, too.”

“You still look just like you did the day I lost…the day you…”

I look down as guilt hangs in my chest. I should say something. I should apologise. Maybe I should explain, after all these years.

Does he even want to know? Does he need to?

Do I want him to know?

“I should get goin’,” he says before I have any longer to overthink. He slaps his hands on his legs before standing up, then reaches for my empty tray. “Take it easy today. Angela’ll check on you soon.”

He turns towards the door and I try to scrabble for something to say to get him to stay. I don’t want him to leave—not yet. “Joel…” but his name fades in my mouth, because there are no words.

“I’ll come by later,” is all he says before he leaves.

Deflated, I lean further back into the wall behind me.

Everything hurts.

“Joel and Tommy both have spare rooms, if you wanted to stay with one of them,” Angela explains as she tends to some of the smaller cuts on my arms and shoulders. “Or there’s the inn where we house new residents before getting them settled.”

“I’ll take the inn,” I answer, not needing to think about it.

“You sure? Recovery ain’t gonna be an easy thing. You might want some friends around to help you out.”

I’ve survived this long on my own. “I’ll be fine,” I insist. “Had worse.”

Angela snorts. “Doubt it. You almost died, you know that, right?”

“Oh, I know,” I sigh. The pain in my body never lets me forget it. Then, realising I haven’t said it yet, “Thank you. For…for saving my life.”

Angela leans back, happy with her work. “No need to thank me,” she offers a warm smile. “You should thank the brothers. They’re the ones who found you. Crazy how fate works, isn’t it?” She throws old bandages into the bin and closes her medical case.

I chuckle, dark. “Fate is one word for it, I guess.” Luck is probably more accurate. But whether or not it’s good luck or bad luck, I’m not sure yet. Jury’s still out.

“Alright, well, if you feel ready, you can head on to your new lodgings. I’m sure Maria’ll get you set up with your own place in no time. For now, I’ll get them to give you a ground floor room.”

“Thanks,” I say, relieved to be getting out of here. It’s not that it’s not nice—hell, this is the nicest place I’ve been in since before the outbreak—it’s just I’m going a little stir crazy. I haven’t been this still for this long in a very, very long time. Every time someone says they’re going out on patrol, I get a little jealous. I want to be helpful, but more than that, I want to feel that I can still look after myself if push comes to shove.

Which clearly is not the case, because as soon as I stand up with the help of the crutches Angela has loaned me, I regret it. Only for a second. But the regret is there; my brain says, Maybe we should’ve just stayed sitting down!

As I hobble out of the doctor’s office and out into the snow, a cold breeze instantly assaults me. Angela is behind me, making sure I don’t fall, watching my step for me. But it’s fucking freezing out here.

My eyes are watering in an instant, blurring my vision. Using the crutches helps with my leg pain, but my arms are still weak and trembly.

It’s as I’m stepping down off the stoop that I see Joel and Ellie coming running across the street towards me.

“Angela! I told you to tell me when you discharged her!” Joel shouts as he gets closer.

“I’m fine!” I shout into the wind, definitely not fine. The cold is making my fingers ache. As if I needed more things to hurt.

“Where are you going?” Ellie asks. She points down the street in the opposite direction, “Our place is that way.”

“She’s staying at the inn,” Angela says. She puts a hand on my back, steadying me, then gestures to the building we’re heading to.

“What—the inn?” Joel asks, following us now.

“Yeah. You know, a place where people stay when they don’t have anywhere else?” Angela retorts, rolling her eyes. “Watch your step,” she says quietly to me, helping me hobble over a deeper patch of snow that crunches as I stand on it.

“She can stay with us,” Ellie says. “You know that, right?” She looks at me from the side.

I glance at her and try my best to smile through the pain and discomfort. “I’m fine, Ellie. Really.”

“No, you’re not,” Joel argues. His voice is so deep and rumbly, like it’s coming from his belly. “You can’t recover on your own.”

“Let’s argue about this once we get her sat down in the warm, shall we?” Angela suggests, which gets everyone to stay silent until then.

Ellie tries to pitch their house to me one last time. Joel is standing in the doorway of my room, looking disgruntled and grumpy, though that’s nothing new. Ellie sits at the bottom of my bed as I tell her No, thank you, for the last time.

“Alright, well, if you’re sure. If you need any help, or anything…”

“I know where you are,” I say, smiling gratefully. “Thanks, Ellie.”

“I got you some of my favourite movies. Since we came here I’ve been able to watch them. You ever seen Star Wars?”

Chuckling, I nod. “Yeah, I’ve seen those.”

“I don’t think this TV has a DVD player hooked up, but I’ll ask Maria,” Ellie promises, putting the DVD cases on the vanity opposite the bed, next to the old TV. The idea of watching a movie is somehow alien and familiar all at once.

“Thank you,” I say again. I’m amazed by this kid. She’s soft and kind and yet hard as nails. She’s mostly covered in winter clothing, but the skin I can see, she’s got a hell of a lot of scars. The most noticeable is on her eyebrow, gashing right through the hairs. It looks badass.

But it’s also sad. She’s just a kid.

“You can stay and watch them with me when it’s hooked up, if you want,” I offer.

Ellie grins. “I’d love that! I’ll bring snacks.”

Warmth blooms in my chest. It’s so unfamiliar that it concerns me for a second; I think something must be wrong. But then I look at Joel, standing in the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest, wearing his big puffy winter coat, and it reminds me that the same warmth used to be there every time I looked at him. Until it turned to something fearful, something looming.

“Alright, kid, let her get some rest,” Joel says, standing up straight and nodding his head out the door.

Ellie stands up and smiles at me. “I’ll see you later.”

“See you.”

She brushes past Joel in the doorway and elbows him in the ribs as she passes. Joel gives an over exaggerated grunt and bends over, making Ellie laugh as she heads down the hallway. “Come on, old man!” She shouts after him.

With a small smile still on his lips, and a hand on his ribcage, he turns to me. “You sure you’re alright?” He asks.

His concern has that feeling coming back. Warmth, from my chest to my toes. I nod. “I’m sure. I’m probably gonna try and sleep for a bit.”

“Angela said she’ll check on you. And there’s always someone about down here, if you need help.”

“I’m alright, Joel,” I assure him gently, pulling the blanket further up so it sits against my hips. “Look at me, I’m sitting up. I’ll be fine.”

He stays there for another long moment, but then he nods once, and turns to head out the door. “We’ll talk later.”

“Later,” I agree, even though I don’t know what there is to talk about that isn’t telling him why the hell did I leave, and asking him why aren’t you angry at me for it?

I watch him walk away until he’s no longer there.

{chapter 2/5}

notes: all interactions are very appreciated, but comments/reblogs especially make my heart go brrr♡ ps. pls come and scream about the tlou show with me i am feral

taglist: @rosymythologies @lover1307

#joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel tlou #joel miller tlou #joel miller story #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller imagine #the last of us #the last of us joel #my fic #my fic: joel #some invisible string

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cottondo · 1 year ago

Text

Fizzarolli x reader | black lace

chapter four | still luv u

•

pills n potions. we're overdosin'

i'm angry, but i still love you.

•

The show was almost over. You may have found out that it was going to be just a one night deal, but you had different plans.

Making it the best night of your life, you made absolute sure that every single demon out there in the audience knew your name afterwards.

Doing the best that you could in such a long time of not being very . . children friendly, you actually put on quite the show.

You could only hope that Fizz was impressed. At least, he seemed like he was relatively interested in you and your pole moves.

He had danced with you, and even wrapped his body around yours with the help of his ribbed limbs, but, it was all for show. Obviously.

However, in those moments being tangled up with him, you really thought that getting used to that feeling would have been easy. It surprisingly wasn't.

At one point, your hands slipped down the pole because of how clammy they got, and it made some embarrassment in you, grow. You hadn't done stage performances in front of, or, with, someone you were in love with before.

Dancing was hard in general, so slipping on a stage at Ozzie's already meant you were off to a bad start. Nerves don't come easy, even if you were dead.

Fizz bitched about it in your ear, away from his microphone, and made sure you knew not to mess up again.

"Get your shit together, kid." His eyes narrow in on you, as you dance beside him on stage.

It stung a little, sure. You were never unconfident, but somehow, Fizz's opinion of you made you rethink anything you did. Are your footing positions right? The way you spun, was it okay? Should you have not thrown in an extra sexy dance move to make the crowd gasp and awe at you if it means the attention pulls off of him?

You didn't know. All you could focus on are the couple things he was obviously annoyed about. Everybody made mistakes, it was inevitable. But not at Ozzie's. The rules are different here.

You sat on the low stool in the dressing room, knee bouncing, elbows on top of your knees, and head resting in your hands. Shit.

Fizz would never want you to come back now, would he? After all, you were just a last resort to him, anyway. So what did that tell you?

The door to the dressing room opens, and Fizzarolli was talking loud on the phone. You could hear him from the other side of the door before he came in.

When he slammed the door behind him on the way inside the room, you couldn't help but flinch and look up at him, startled.

"Yeah, yeah I know. Yes! Look, it won't happen again, because it was a one time deal. Kay? Cool." Fizzarolli glares at the wall ahead of him, before side eyeing your sitting figure. You two share a heavy look, a thickness flooding into your chest and stomach, before he looks away and waves a hand.

"Yeah. Alright . . bye." Fizz ends the call and looks to you once more.

You dart your eyes a few times up at him, nervous, though it comes off more as curiosity, and lift your head.

"I thought you said you danced before." He says.

You blink, furrowing your brows. "I hav—"

"That wasn't dancing! That was slipping."

You sink into the chair and look away from him. There was an underlying annoyance resting in your mouth. It was ONE simple mistake. He didn't have to be such a dick about it all night.

"It was an accident. My hands got too warm." You go to explain. Fizz sighs, rounding you to meet the vanity counter. When he looks in the mirror, you look at his reflection and hold a more somber look.

His expression changes lightly, meeting your gaze in the mirror. "Look, Ozzie doesn't allow mistakes. If you have one, you gotta play it off - - quickly."

Something you already knew.

You nod. "I know, I'm sorry. You just make me nervous."

His face drops in the mirror, and now completely looking to the side at you. "I do? Why?"

You shrug innocently up at him, the faintest of smiles trying to work their way to your face again. Why . . Why is an ugly letter. You didn't know why. You weren't sure what made you like him so much. The way he made you feel just by looking at him was a mystery, but unfortunately, real.

"Actually," a soft chortle escapes your mouth as you speak, and you can't help but to nervously smile up at him. "I've wanted to work with you for, like, ever. The real you, I mean." You begin to fidget under his stare. "And it finally happened- - I'm just really sorry I wasn't what you wanted."

Fizz seemed to feel something— you think. You weren't sure what it was. He looked down after staring at you for what seemed like it might have been just slightly too long. After a moment, he recovered, and went back to fixing himself in the mirror. He placed both hands on his jester hat, and situated it to fit just a bit better than before, even if there was nothing wrong with it.

"I'm pretty great, we can agree on that," he drops his hands and turns to face you, expression twisting into a type of confusion. "But, why? Are you just another one of those sex freaks that're obsessed with my replicas?"

Now, you wouldn't be opposed to having a replica of him in your house, and not just for those purposes, but that's not what you were here for.

"What?" Your eyes narrowed, and you'd been taken aback slightly. "No! I used to like your jokes- - That's how I found out about you."

"My jokes?" He asks. You'd thought he was dumbfounded by the question, from the way he was now staring at you. "Really?"

Was it really that hard to believe? That demons and imps could like him for him, and not for some showboat personality he's manifested for the Lust Ring?

"Yeah," you say, nodding. "When I got stuck working at Loo Loo Land, I guess it kinda just made me notice you twice as much, now . ." You glance down to the floor, then back up to him. "You had that passion for the circus ever since you were little. I think its cute." You look over to him, then gaze down at his arms. Fizz notices this, and looks away with a groan. "I was seven, y/n." His arms cross.

You titter. "Yeah, but its still there. You're good at what you do, you know?"

Fizz manages a smile towards you. You soak it up. "It took allot to get here. I had to be good." His eyes roll.

"Well yeah, but not everyone can do what you do." Your smile is soft and genuine up towards the jester. He notices it, and slightly, you swore he smiled a little more back. It was cut quickly though.

You think he didn't know what to say. Instead, he waves his arms, and lets out a little huff of air, shuddering a shoulder to rid the emotions of the topic.

"Listen, you're a nice kid . . But, I don't think this place is right for you." He says, turning his back to face you, so you couldn't see the bit of a cringe curling onto his face. The mirror reflection allowed you to still see it, though.

All hope you had for connecting with him was quickly deflated, and it showed in your slouching shoulders. "Maybe you should try to stick with Loo Loo Land for now."

You shift on the stool uncomfortably. "Wh- - can't you just give me another chance? It was my first time here," there a soft tone of underlying desperation in your voice, mixed in with some slight irritation.

That wasn't fair, right? People make mistakes.

"Look- - If Ozzie tells me you can come back, I've got your number." Fizz crosses his arms, turning back to you. You couldn't fight with him on it. That would just make things worse.

But, damn, you really wanted to.

You stand, taking the little bit of dignity you had left in you, and grab your jacket. With a tense pressure forming on the side of your skull, your eyes get one last look of him before you could make your leave. "Sorry to be such a disappointment."

That was it. Your feet make you leave the room, and you figure that's the last time you'll ever get to step foot in that dressing room again.

•

The ride home was uncomfortable in the car, even if it was just yourself.

Your thoughts were so loud, and you've been fighting back tears basically the entire time.

By the time you get back to your living space, the pit in your stomach was emptied, and slowly filling it, was bitterness.

You slip your shoes off, and trudge your way into bed. Clothes on, hair done up, you didn't care. That sulking feeling grabbed you tight, and sucked the life right out of your veins.

It just wasn't meant to be.

Your hand reaches over for your phone, and you tap on the music app you've known and loved. You press the button on it, and it starts to play.

'I can't stand it, but I still love you . .'

#fizzaroli helluva boss #fizzarolli #fizzarolli x reader #helluva boss #helluva boss x reader

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katie-delaney · 2 months ago

Text

WIP Game

Rules: you will be given a word. share one sentence / excerpt from your wip(s) that start with each letter of that word.

Tagged by @gyokujyn

My word was LUSTY. Excerpts are below the cut, note that some are NSFW explicit content/ABO stuff. Stucky, Evanstan, and one that's going to be Bucky/Ransom Drysdale.

These were hard to find...I'm sure I only managed it cos I have about 10 WIPs at the moment...

L - AU Bucky/Ransom Drysdale

“Look at that.” Bucky uses a lot of Brock’s lines when he’s interrogating people. They work pretty well. “Guess I know what he gave you then.”

“What the fuck, oh my God.” Ransom blinks, twisting in his chair. “What is that?!”

“I don’t know it’s actual name, but I can tell you in about five minutes you’re gonna start begging me to fuck you. And you’ll feel like you’re gonna die if I don’t.”

Ransoms eyes are wide.

“Thats...oh god. Fuck. You people are fucked up.”

Bucky nods. Now the kid's getting it. Bucky’s not usually easily aroused, he blames it on spending half his time with Brock, but his dick is definitely getting interesting in poor little Ransom, squirming in his chair.

“Its just another method of torture,” Bucky says, shrugging.

“You mean you can make it stop?”

“Sure, by shoving my dick in you.”

“Fucksake.”

“Even then it won’t last long though, generally you have to keep getting fucked for a few hours if you don’t want it to send you crazy.”

“That’s got to be a war crime.”

“I think I am a war crime.” Bucky’s sure Pierce said that to him once. U - Unnamed Captain Hydra (Alpha) using Virgin Service Omega Bucky (it's his first day, poor baby)

“Uh, yes, sir, Captain, Steve,” Bucky stays quickly, clearly panicking.

Steve’s lips twitch up.

“You ever event scented an Alpha before?”

“No, Steve.” Bucky blushes.

“Do I smell good to you?”

Bucky blushes even harder.

“Y…es, Steve.”

“How old are you, Bucky?” Steve asks, keeping close, talking right into the Omega’s ear.

“I’m 18, Steve.”

“How’s a pretty thing like you stayed a virgin for so long?”

Bucky looks down at his feet.

“I uh...presented late and I’m...from a pretty small village. Not many Alphas around.”

Steve pulls Bucky’s chin up, forces him to look at him again.

“Hmm. You poor thing. Don’t worry,” he purrs into Bucky’s ear. “I’ll break you in real good. Once you’ve taken me, you’ll be able to handle anyone, you’ll be a pro in no time.”

S - Sliding Chapter 2 - Evanstan

Seb sits across the table from Chris and tries not to make unnecessary eye contact. They’ve all been dragged out to drinks. Seb was planning on just going back to his room and waiting for drinks, but everyone else had agreed, and he worried about acting suspicious if he failed to go along. Besides, if Chris was going out for drinks, there wasn’t any point in waiting in the hotel room all night for him, not knowing when he’ll come back. He’d not even said yes for definite. It’d be sad if he turned down a night out and then Chris didn’t even show up.

He's regretting it now. He’s sure the fact that Chris has fucked him is written all over his face. In every look he gives Chris. In every look Chris gives him. He looks down into his glass. He didn’t even know if Chris is going to show up, after this, or ever again, there was no promises made. It was just a fuck in a bathroom. Seb needs to calm down...but the way he’d held him down against the sink and fucked him...that had felt like it would lead to a yes.

T - Who's Afraid of Little Old Me, Chapter 2

There’s no response and Bucky hears no noise coming from anywhere. It’s silent, and pitch black, and Bucky starts to freak out. He could be fucking anywhere, Steve could have left him like this, left him to die, somewhere no one will ever find him and –

“Help! Help me!” Bucky yells at the top of his voice.

“Jesus Christ, puppy, I knew I should have gagged you.” Steve’s glowing golden eyes appear out of nowhere in the dark about a meter from him.

Bucky jumps, he didn’t hear any footsteps or movement in the room, but he supposes Steve is a vampire.

“What the fuck?” he yells.

“Hey, settle down, baby boy,” Steve simpers. “Or I’ll shut you up myself.”

Y - Vanity Fair Chapter 11 :D

“Yeah? Should I fuck off then, go help Peter with lunch?”

Bucky grabs the back of Steve’s head in response to keep him still. Steve smirks, raising his eyebrows at Bucky and waiting. God. Bucky hates him. He takes a deep breath and tries to think about what he wants.

“I want your fingers in my ass,” he says eventually, his cheeks flushing and blood thudding in his veins.

“Okay, beautiful, step forward a little bit for me.”

#stucky #stucky fic #wip

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dangans-ur-ronpas · 10 months ago

Text

Chapter 12

UH OH

SEE HERE FOR GENERAL WARNINGS AND FIC SUMMARY

Some pre-chapter notes:

trying to move away from writing toko like chunsoft and adding more to her character (she's traumatized she wants to be loved but she's going about it in the worst way) but in the end none of her actions are condoned. she's fucked up still sorry but written in a more sympathetic light i hope?

syo WILL be in this fic but i do my best to make her hand-wavy explanation ambiguous (fuck whatever canon says about 'textbook split personality' btw)

@moonlighttogami and @tokiwigiwi :)

Content warning tags: implication of stalking/blackmail, Toko-expected creepiness, use of violence, character death

< previous - from start - next >

He’s not sure how much time passes when the door opens again.

“Finally,” He huffs, not bothering to turn. “Took you long enough. Honestly, how long does it take-”

He halts, as the intruder steps into the room, and quickly clicks his handbook shut. These weren’t Makoto’s footsteps. And - he surreptitiously covers his nose - that wasn’t Makoto’s smell. But he knows whose it was.

“...Toko. What do you want.” He turns and glares at the girl who has intruded on his space. She fidgets where she stands, a thin shadow of dark purple. The smell of her has grown stronger over the past few weeks, and hangs around her like a miasma.

“M-master Byakuya…”

He feels a full-bodied shiver of disgust run over his skin. “Don’t call me that.”

She ignores him, and carries on. “A-about last night…”

Right. To be completely honest, he was hoping that he had scared her enough the night before to make her leave him alone entirely. But he’s not surprised either; if she had the nerve to blatantly try and look at his secret, it wasn’t surprising that she had the boldness to try and confront him like this.

“What about last night.” He says stiffly, and she jumps as if shocked.

“I-I know about your eyes!” She blurts at last. “A-and, I know Ch-Chihiro knows it too…I, I heard you t-talking about it i-in the b-bathhouse last night…”

He feels his lip curling, revolted. Of course she had eavesdropped; she was quickly proving to be one of the more annoying stalkers he’d ever had the displeasure of dealing with. The number of people who were aware of his condition was also rapidly increasing against his will. At this point he might as well do the same as Fujisaki and announce it out loud.

Fukawa continues in her irritating stutter. “A-and…y-your envelope…” He freezes immediately, suddenly latching on to her every word.

“What did it say?” He demands, and she flinches - shivers? - arms crossing over her torso.

“I-if I t-tell you, y-you won’t w-want anything to d-do with m-me anymore…” She mutters, seemingly to herself, and he feels another wave of revulsion roll over him.

“Out with it. I already want nothing to do with you, but if you don’t speak up now-”

What will he do? He tries to come up with a threat that can hold actual weight, but they all sound pathetic, even to himself. If only Makoto were here, he could at least get him to chase her away…how long does it take to talk to three people, anyways?

Ironically, it’s Fukawa who saves him from having to think of something. “I-I know you’re r-really mad at m-me for r-reading your secret last night,” She continues, and she’s swaying slightly, as if drunk. “U-um, I-I promise n-not to t-tell anyone! About your eyes, o-or your envelope…a-and, I’ll t-tell you mine, t-too.”

“I’m not interested.” He says flatly. “Tell me what was written in my envelope. Now.”

She shakes her head instead. “I-I know th-there’s no way for you t-to have r-read yours yet, right? S-so only I know!” The light catches on her spectacles, and it gives the illusion of two, illuminated orbs on her face. “W-which makes me m-more special than M-Makoto, or Chihiro, right?”

She sounds deranged. Her voice is pitched with desperation, and she’s breathing heavily. She takes a step closer. “I-I know all your s-secrets, and once y-you know mine…s-so you can r-rely on me, m-more than Makoto, o-or Chihiro?” Another step, and the floorboard creaks. “I-I’ll do better than th-them! And, and I can accept you f-for all your secrets, s-so, you don’t n-need them, I promise!”

“Stay back.” He snaps, shifting backwards. The revulsion was curdling, mixing with fear, and crawling down his back like something physical, like the vile, unwanted sensation of fingernails, tickling over his skin. He hates this irrational panic - she was just a girl, and a pathetic one at that - but here he was, shying away anyways, unable to discern her next move, her intentions. “I’m warning you-”

She lurches forward, and he takes an inadvertent step back. His back meets the bookshelf; he was trapped. “S-so don’t get scared,” She says, though these words really only have the opposite effect on him. “D-do you remember the news, a few y-years back? A-about Genocider S-Syo?”

Genocider Syo? The name sounds familiar, but it takes him a moment to place where he’s heard it before. It was a few years before he enrolled at Hope’s Peak, while in transit to some social gathering or another; Pennyworth had left the car radio tuned to the local news.

“The serial killer?” He asks aloud, as he subtly searches the shelves behind him, trying to find something to use as a weapon. The tip of his index finger catches on the spine of a large, plastic-bound copy of some textbook or another, and he leverages it slowly out of the shelf, feeling sweat beginning to slicken its cover.

She nods eagerly, her braids bouncing. “I-I knew you’d kn-know about it,” She sounds relieved, somehow, voice breathless. “Y-you know, th-the first place Syo turned up was the town w-where I was b-born…i-it was my f-first crush that was the f-first victim, y’know?”

It clicks together quickly for him. The radio announcer had described bloody and ugly scenes of murder, the displayed corpses of young men and boys, all attributed to a mysterious killer with a penchant for stabbing their victims. And now standing before him was a clearly-deranged, unwell girl, well-known for her romance novels, and apparently obsessed with him.

“I-it’s okay!” She says hurriedly, as he presses himself closer to the shelf. “Sh-she only c-comes out when I-I’m really t-tired, o-or if I see b-blood…b-but, I c-can control her! I am controlling her, I promise!” She steps forward again, and this close, he can see the sickly flush on her face, the shine of sweat - tears? - down her cheeks. “I’ve b-been working s-so hard, s-so she won’t h-hurt anyone again…so it’s o-okay! I c-can be good! See?” She hiccups slightly, she must be crying. He can’t imagine why. “S-so now we can be equal, r-right?!”

She staggers towards him again, and he reacts before he can even think twice about it, yanking the book from its shelf and swinging blindly. The edge catches her across the face, whipping it sharply to the side with a sickly crack and a squeal - there’s a crest of blood, splattering up the length of the book, he can feel a few warm drops splash his hand, the skin crawling where it landed - and she crashes against the shelves with a shriek, stumbling.

“Why?!” She wails, hands shooting to her face. She sounds genuinely distraught, and she shakes as she scrubs at her nose with her palms. “I-I told you m-my biggest secret, a-and I kn-know yours…w-why won’t you tr-trust me?!”

“Trust you?!” He laughs, mirthless and a little frenzied, pitched wildly with his thudding heart. “You repulse me.” He steps forward now, book still clutched in his shaking hand. “Why would I ever trust a murderer in a killing game?”

She flinches as if his words were more physical blows, stumbling away from him and knocking against the shelf. A few books rain down, thudding open on the floor. “I-It’s not me,” She babbles, clutching at her head. “S-Syo - she’s j-just s-someone else, she’s in m-me, b-but I can c-control her, I p-promise - sh-she’s not me, she’s not me, she’s not!”

It sounds vaguely like some dramatized description of a split personality, though Byakuya had never heard of any such disorder that matched Fukawa’s apparently extreme case. Whatever the girl had going on would probably warrant its own DSM volume, but he wasn’t particularly interested in that. “I don’t care if she’s a ghost that’s possessing you or a secret twin taking your place. I want nothing to do with either of you.”

“B-but-”

“Get out.” He snarls, chest heaving. “If I hear anything - anything - on my condition, I will make you wish you were dead.” She doesn’t move, and he feels his teeth clench enough to creak. “I said, OUT.”

She darts, stumbling and stepping through one of the piles of boxes on the floor, completely breaking through the lid. Whatever was inside it stays looped around her ankle as she kicks the lid off, and clicks against the floor as she sprints away, her sobs fading as she goes.

___

For safety, he blocks off the door to the library with the chair, jamming it beneath the handles.

Then, he waits for Makoto, pacing, agitated. Really, how long could it take to accompany one person to talk to three people? His clock in his handbook stated that hardly an hour had passed since Makoto first left, and ten minutes since he sent Fukawa away. Surely, he had to be coming back eventually?

Not that there was anything keeping Byakuya in the library, other than his own uncertainty regarding his safety. Considering that he knew Fukawa’s alternate identity, and her apparent infatuation with him, it would be foolish to make the trek back to his room alone.

He stops pacing, frustration and restlessness boiling over. And returns to the files, shuffling through them, handbook held aloft to read the names printed on the edge of each folder, ignoring the ones that clatter to the ground after he shoves them haphazardly back. Finally, he comes across the one he's looking for, and slides it out of the shelf.

The front of it is stamped with the title in silver: ‘The Murder Cases of Genocider Syo: Top Secret’. He flips it open.

The text is interspersed with images of the victims before and after their unfortunate encounters with Fukawa. He can’t make much out about them, other than the fact that all the murder scenes seemed similar enough; photos of pale bodies, stretched out as if crucified, splattered with blood. Their faces, which must have been twisted with agony, are merely dark smudges.

“...As with the other cases, at the scene of the crime the word ‘BLOODLUST’ was written with the victim’s blood,” Alter Ego reads aloud. “The scissors used in the murder were apparently custom-made, with every pair left at each murder scene seeming to be of the same material and construction…”

How vile. He flips through the pages (one of which is annoyingly wrinkled, and furthermore, smudged with dirt), reading through the victim's descriptions. There was a sort of morbid curiosity that drew him to read further, even as his stomach turned with the knowledge that he could end up like one of these men; pinned like a butterfly for the killer to admire and laud over.

He snaps the file shut at last, feeling nauseous, and sinks down with his back against the shelf, suddenly exhausted - the adrenaline from Fukawa’s confrontation is gone, leaving behind a bone-deep fatigue. Sluggishly, he categorizes what he knows:

One: Fukawa was also Genocider Syo, a notorious serial killer who targeted young men.

Two: Fukawa both knew he was blind, and the contents of his envelope. He reaches into his pocket and feels for it, the paper now crinkled and warped. He still can’t bring himself to try and use Alter Ego to read its contents, but so long as Fukawa knew…there was little he could do about it.

That brought him to three: Fukawa was apparently obsessed with him. That was clear from the start, but he underestimated how dangerous her infatuation was. What she wanted from him was, apparently, some kind of romanticized relationship, if her mutterings about mutually sharing secrets and calling him ‘master’ was anything to go by, but nothing that could possibly be built on equal footing. Not if she was trying to leverage the envelope’s contents and his blindness against him.

He pauses at that. Did Fukawa know he was capable of using Alter Ego through his handbook to read? If she did, then there was no point in her trying to hold it over him. But then that meant she might try to manipulate him in other ways, the most simplest being blackmail. For that, he’d need to silence her…

And to do that, I would need to kill.

He drums his fingers against the hardwood floor. It’d be hard, but he could do it. She was already fixated on him, it should be easy enough to lure her somewhere and take care of her, either with a blunt-force weapon or strangulation - stabbing was too messy with the blood splatter - but the real difficulty then was how to conceal his tracks.

He thinks for a moment of Maizono, and how she had swapped rooms with Makoto solely for this intention. He thought her foolish then, but in hindsight, it really was an impressive display of quick thinking…though, it wasn’t one that he could copy.

What if he did it in a shared space? In one of the empty classrooms? People hardly went into these rooms, and it’d be harder to pin down the culprit. But he’d have to be fast about it, and careful; anyone who sees him or Fukawa entering that space, or leaving it, could easily identify him as the suspect. It’d have to happen at night.

But, she’s also smarter than she looks… He rubs at his temples now, frowning. She might see the similarities between this and Maizono’s attempt, and realize it’s a trap. I can’t risk that. It’d be easier if I could easily pin it on someone, but the amount of people who might be stupid or willing enough to let themselves be used…

The list was very short. Makoto, who was already a non-option. Yamada, who was too closely allied with Celeste to be trusted. Hagakure, who was too paranoid to be easily led into anything anyways...

And Chihiro.

He’s suddenly struck with the realization that if he succeeds, the others die. It would not be just one person’s blood on his hands, it would be multiple, including those he chooses not to directly involve. He hesitates, for an instant - and then lowers his hands slowly, a sense of defeat settling over him.

He’s already failed before he even started. This game could only have one winner, and if he could not fully commit himself to that role and accept the consequences of it, then he was never a real competitor to begin with. Circles within circles. He was back to the start.

Frustration isn’t something he’s unfamiliar with, but it’s been a long time since he’s felt so overwhelmed with it, as he tilts his head back, knocking it against the shelf as he stares blankly at the brown fog of the ceiling. And then slams a fist against the floor, hissing venomous, ugly curses under his breath. If only he had his eyes, again - he wouldn’t need to be so concerned with such things, wouldn’t need to waver - and yet.

Where the hell is Makoto? He thinks numbly, exhausted with it all. He was sick of being left with nothing but his nerves, and how long did it take to talk to just three people anyways?

Thump, thump, thump.

A rhythmic banging snaps him out of his thoughts. For a moment, he thinks it’s coming from the door, and clumsily pushes himself up, while fumbling for something, anything, to use as a weapon - his hands find the hard, stiff cover of a case file, still on the floor - and stares down the door, waiting for someone to break through it-

But nothing. The chair that’s stuck under the doorknob hasn’t even budged, from what he can tell. The banging continues, and he realizes it sounds more like hammering than knocking. It wasn’t even against the library door.

Construction? Hagakure did mention hearing construction sounds earlier. Was Monokuma building something again?

The sound ends, replaced by footsteps approaching his door. He tenses, taking a step back, but a moment later, the footsteps patter down the hall and away, fading out of earshot.

He stays where he is for a long moment, caught between terror and curiosity. Curiosity wins out, and he steps slowly to the door, hesitating once more with one hand on the chair.

But before he can even do anything, the air is pierced by a blood-curdling scream, and he throws the chair away, yanking the door open-

Only to be met with the sight of Chihiro Fujisaki’s corpse.

< previous - from start - next >

#thpff chapters #thpff #danganronpa fanfiction #byakuya togami #hi....sorry for the delay...#in my defense i was waffling a while about posting this bc once i do it means im locked into my trial 2 case and scene etc #and im still writing the trial 2 scene WHOOPS....#also was feeling very bleh this past week. whatever im fine now #byakuya full on plotting a murder before realizing. wait a minute. i care about people now.#and then having a mild crisis about it. prince zuko style except instead of getting a fever he starts swearing in french #hitting a girl? not cool byakuya #im so sorry chihiro i love you tho #the scene were toko gets makoto to go with her to talk to byakuya doesnt happen here #and also toko has been watching byakuya hang out exclusively with makoto #and hearing the rumors that they were having a scandalous drauma-fraught romance #so she ended figuring that the best thing she could do was corner him herself. hence the gathering of blackmail material etc etc #not necessarily the most romantic thing but she sees it as creating a level playing field where he's forced to acknowledge her at all

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