#like i WILL complain forever but i won't watch that shit again

[genderlessghoul]

Hey so remember when I wrote a small fic about trans Phantom using tape to bind for the first time and it went like shit?

Anyway, I wrote a tape redemption arc and it's under the cut! It's just around 600 words-ish.

“Come in!”

Dew calls out after hearing a shy knock on his door. He doesn't need to look up to know who's on the other side, the faint scent of lavender and woodsmoke betrays Phantom before he even walks through the door. The quintessence ghoul walks in sheepishly and closes the door behind him, something nervous about the way he carries himself that immediately catches Dew's attention.

“What is it?” the fire ghoul asks with a cocked eyebrow as he sets down his book (something about mermaids that Rain suggested to him) and sits up in bed. Phantom holds up a roll of kinesiology tape and a pair of scissors, his tail wrapped around his leg in worried anticipation. He doesn't even need to say a word before Dew's on his feet, taking the roll from him and leading him deeper into the room. It's been months since Phantom's first attempt at binding with tape and it didn't exactly go well. He knows the younger ghoul still has some scars on his back from the experience. Dew leads him near his desk so he can work while standing up. He takes off the other's shirt.

“You took a shower?”

“Yeah.”

“You didn't put on any kind of body butter?”

“No.”

“Good.”

As he starts cutting strips of the tape, Dew notices how the quintessence ghoul opted for black, this time. He can't help but think that, at least, it won't stick out like a sore thumb, this time. Phantom seems to read his mind and lets out a dry chuckle.

“It fits my colour scheme better.”

“It does. You sure you wanna do this? We don't have to.”

“I know… But I figured I'd go back to it sooner or later. And if I don't do this now, I feel like I'm gonna chicken out forever.”

“Fair enough. Just don't go ripping it out raw again, okay?”

Phantom laughs nervously at that.

“Been there, done that. Never again.”

“Good boy.”

The quintessence ghoul melts a little at the praise and Dew gets to work. He instructs the other to lift his arms so he can lay the first pieces of tape.

Phantom keeps his arms up while the fire ghoul works on him. He finds a lot of comfort in his warm fingers and the ease with which Dew applies the strips. He wishes now more than ever that he'd gone to him the first time, instead of experimenting all by himself in his cold bathroom. At least, he'd learned what not to do. His eyes find Dew's mirror and he watches him work, trying to commit the techniques to memory, although he could get used to the pampering.

“How'd you figure out how to do it right?”

“Lotsa practice.”

The fire ghoul finishes his work and pats Phantom's sides a couple times.

“Lots of asking around, too.”

To which the younger ghoul rolls his eyes.

“I get it, I should come to you more…”

“It doesn't have to be me, baby bat, I just don't want you to mess up your body.”

They stay silent for a moment while the quintessence ghoul puts his shirt back on. He stretches his arms out, relishing in how comfortable the tape is this time around. He even finds himself smiling at his own reflection.

“You don't have to take care of me so much… I'm not complaining at all, I appreciate it more than I can tell you, I just… Thank you.”

“Don't mention it, Ant. I um… I remember what it was like to be in your place. And I wish I had someone back then to show me a thing or two, to tell me it was gonna be okay.”

Phantom doesn't quite know how to react to Dew's words. As long as he'd know him, the fire ghoul hasn't talked much about his own experience, only ever spoken with his actions. The moment is short lived, however, when Dew turns back to him and claps his hands together.

“Alright, loser, down for a game of Mario Kart?”

[autumnrory]

#the funniest thing is if this was any other character id hate them forever until i die but because its steve its so easy for me to dismiss#the whole thing and separate it from Steve Rogers in my head BECAUSE its so wildly out of character#like dont get me wrong it pisses me off probably more than any other decision made in a fictional setting has ever pissed me off and while#this would have made me want fuck all to do with the character had it been anybody else i cant even hate him for it because thats literally#not him. easiest he would not fucking do that😂😂😂 of my life#like its insane how this is actually the single most out of character thing to happen in anything ever and im not even exaggerating#and i dont have to have seen everything ever to know that with certainty i just know it in my heart#steve's love for bucky was the driving force behind his character arc for three consecutive movies you cant just backpedal on that and#expect people to just go with it as if it doesnt go against literally everything thats been established#he disobeyed orders and marched into enemy territory on the off chance that bucky was still alive he was willing to die in that base if it#meant bucky got out safe he picked up the shield for bucky and then gave it up for him TWICE#he was ready to let bucky kill him because he didnt WANT to live in a world without him. like whats not clicking#he turned his back on the team he was leading for bucky without hesitation he was ready to let the whole world condemn him for it he didnt#give a single shit if anybody had a problem with it because bucky was always his priority#bucky was the one person who unconditionally loved steve through everything bucky was his childhood bucky was his family bucky was all he's#ever known and you're telling me. he abandoned his traumatized best friend who literally had nobody else. who he JUST got back. who needed#love and support more than ever after getting his brain fucked to hell and back. and just left him to go live a peaceful life with someone#who a) already had a family b) told him to move the fuck on c) HE BARELY EVEN KNEW. like youre telling me he just sat back and became a#househusband knowing damn well his best friend was being tortured and the world was going to shit around him for 70 fucking years

#like what are you people fucking talking about when you say any of that makes sense for his character. thats not 'giving himself a deserved#break' thats being a shit fucking friend and a piece of shit human being be the realest youve ever been#thats abandoning his morals and betraying his own character#the only reason bucky is even alive at this point is because steve fought tooth and nail for him to be. he wouldnt just leave him to figure#shit out on his own when bucky needs him more than ever. when everything hes done was to keep him safe from harm. when steve himself went#so long without anybody who truly knew and understood him#it doesnt make sense no matter how you want to spin it not even just for their relationship but steve's entire character#like. steve 'never backing down from a fight always doing the right thing fighting for justice' rogers would not fucking do that#i wish theyd blasted him into the sun instead theres literally nothing worse than this#they got me raging four years later at 3am like alright but u gotta get over it#BUT LIKE ITS JSUT LIKE (muffles screams in a paper bag) im okay guys 😁(willblogger)

the funny thing about the steve x bucky ending is that everyone was like “ah boo hoo ur just mad ur stupid little gay ship isn’t canon” as if what steve did wasn’t terrible & shitty through the lens of, you know, friendship 

[luveline]

Hi lovely, how are you? Idk if you're doing the blurbs still but if you are, can you do something like Eddie taking care of a hungover reader that just partied to hard with her friends? Or something with hockey! Eddie because I love him and you ❤️

I'm good thanks! I hope this is ok ♡ fem

"Come on, loser. Eat up." 

"Can't eat." You stare up at your friend with pleading eyes. "Don't make me." 

"I'm not gonna make you do anything," Eddie says, sliding a plate of eggs and bacon in front of you at the kitchen table with a shrug. "Feel like shit forever, see if I care." 

You pick up your coffee with shaking hands. "You could stand to be a little nicer to me," you whine lightly, more pleading than annoyed. "I don't feel well and you're supposed to love me." 

You think even a dash of compassion from Eddie could cure you. He's not a mean guy —he's been known to hug you at random moments, or lick your wounds for you when things get tough— he's just having an 'I told you so' moment, of which he's prone. 

"This is your own fault." Eddie fills a glass of water at the sink and puts that next to your plate. "If you're going to drink coffee you need water, too. The coffee will make you feel worse in the long run."

"You're like a drill sergeant." 

He finally breaks, reaching across the table to squeeze your forearm. "I just want you to feel better, you dummy." 

Your eyes dry and your head pounding, you switch from coffee to water if only to see some approval in his gaze as he takes the chair beside yours and starts on his own breakfast. Steam drifts in the air, the greasy smell of bacon tickling your nose. You poke an egg yolk with your fork, grimacing as it breaks. 

"Could I make some toast or something instead?" you ask. You really would like to eat, but the egg and bacon is too heavy. You're afraid you won't be able to keep it down. 

He rolls his eyes. "I'll make you some toast, babe, just drink your water." 

He makes you some toast, plate to his chest so he can eat and watch the bread brown at the same time, eating in that boyish way where he leans down to the fork rather than bringing it up to his mouth. It's his fault you got so drunk, in a roundabout way, though you don't actually think that and you'd never tell him if you did. He was in his stupid elf costume from his favourite book, his hair sleek and out of his face, face painted pale. Will you do my makeup? had started innocuously and ended with his hands on your waist to hold you in place, heart in your throat, pulse a hummingbird under his touch. You had to drink to forget the feeling. To avoid ruining everything. 

He seems to be taking pity on you now, swapping your plate for a new one of toast. He dips down to kiss the top of your head Eddie style, smacking. "You should quit partying so hard." 

"It felt like a good idea at the time." 

"Sweetheart," he says, pausing as you take a bite of your toast like it's his mouth that's full. He sighs and wraps an arm around your shoulders to hug you. "Is it really bad?" 

"I feel dizzy." 

"Eat your toast," he encourages, softer now, not a dummy in sight. "You'll feel better once you've recouped your losses. I'll make you some pedialyte, if you want?" 

"Can't I just have gatorade?" you mumble, mouth full of toast, head full of his naked arm pressing to your collar. 

"Don't want much, do you?"

Still, Eddie hauls you to the couch with a bucket just in case and a promise to return. He drives the two miles there and back it takes to get you gatorade and he doesn't complain about it, just breaks the seal and presses it into your hand. 

It's the most peculiar thing when he sits down next to you and takes your hand. Almost hesitant at first, then like it doesn't mean a thing, he holds your hand for the few hours between breakfast and lunch until you feel better, gatorades drank, and an orange eaten between you. 

"Next year," he says, slinking down into the couch, the smells of lunch cooking on the stove, your hand once again taken and held to his chest, "we should go as a duo costume." 

"Like what?" 

"I don't know. Ferris and Sloane?" 

"No one would ever guess who Sloane was." 

"How about, uh," —he's speaking casually, voice dipped low and rough— "fucking, Baby, from that movie you like? Baby and Tommy." 

"Dirty Dancing? You want to go as Baby and Johnny?" you ask. It's the most coupley couples costume there is. 

"I'd have to cut my hair. I don't think I'm ready for that."

"Did you hit your head while you were out?" you ask. 

"Whatever. You can just go as something lame again." He finger runs down your forearm. "You looked nice, but you could've looked awesome. You could've been Arwen." 

"Oh, I get it now. You want a mental image for the bank." Eddie groans and pulls away from you. "No, it totally makes sense, you've been so lonely ever since Macy cut you off–" 

"Shut up, I cut it off with her." He shakes his head and stands. "You're starting to make me regret it," he warns, though the smile appling his cheeks shows that he's not as serious as he sounds. 

He leaves you there on the couch with that stunning implication, your thoughts racing, and when he comes back it's to act like nothing happened, your lunch nicely plated and an ice cold drink to match. "Try and eat it, okay?" he asks. 

"Sure thing, Dr. Hyde." 

[nor-4]

Taking care of Sick Geto

Geto Suguru x Reader

"Geto let go I'm gonna pee" You said as you tried shaking geto off, it's been around 8 hours ever since both of you found out that geto is sick.

After that it's like you are trapped in a cage since geto wanted to hug you all day. "Nooo.. Can you hold it for a minute?" he murmured in your chest as he held you waist a bit tighter which makes you wanna take a pee more.

"I'm sweating bullets, it's already hot and you decided to hug me.." You tried reasoning as you try to shake of from his arms, "Not my fault you looks so huggable" He said as he readjusted his arms almost hitting the bowl from the night table that is filled with soup from earlier morning that you made so the medicine will be more effective for him.

Once geto re adjusted you took the advantage to get up from the bed which made the bed rise a little.

You and getou's shared house is not too fancy like those houses you find on pinterest, but sure is cozy and warm that makes you feel really welcome. A type of house that you will be comfortable to have a sleep over with, pantries filled with foods and snacks that geto sure will be nagging about when both of you are out for grocery, those neat looking kitchen that those Asian moms would love.

The living room that kids love because of those consoles and games that geto own, it's a safe place for both of you when all you just wanted was to hug each other while watching.

"I think I'm gonna die.." Geto said looking at you as he was sitting on the floor on the door of the bathroom like a kid as you do your business on the bathroom, "You're not don't worry." You said as you are scrolling through your phone.

"what's taking you so long? Are you shitting?" he nagged you again while giggling, his voice is a bit deeper, more raspy and airy than his normal voice. You always tease him about that because you said that he sound like a kid Justin bieber.

"Maybe you wouldn't know." You shrugged as you wash your self up and flushed the toilet really quick so geto wouldn't even try to take a peak, "Ewww it stinks" Geto acted as he pinch his nose as you walk by.

"Stop acting, you won't act like that later on when you couldn't breath on your other nostril." You said as you headed down stairs to make both of you a meal, this will be the third time that both of you eat. It's very rare for both of you to eat more than three time a day, you guys only did this when either both of you are sick.

Geto followed you like a lost kid as he walk lazily around the house, "I'm not feeling vegetables right now" he complained as he sat down near the stove so he will still be near you.

"Then don't eat, might as well make your cold worse." You stated as you started chopping the vegetables as geto sang lazily to the song you played, it's a habit of you to play music while cooking. Geto remembers the time when he wasn't sick he would dance around just to annoy you or just to enjoy the time with you.

You remembered the time where geto memorized the whole choreo of water by tyla just for you to watch him dance the whole song.

Your mind didn't have the capacity of a phone nor the smartest person on earth. But you remember every detail of it, you remember how much he made you so happy, how much effort he did just to make you laugh after a very busy and stressful week.

"God you're so beautiful.." Geto whispered as you looked at him seeing him looking at you with agape mouth, "I think I should marry you for the 100 times... Noo it's not enough, I should marry you on every chance I get. You know if you are sick, like really sick that there is no other cure than for me to die. I would rather die happy that I get to be loved by you."

Geto said this the time you said yes to him being your beloved of your life forever. He still remembers every detail even the tone he had while saying this, he always have a deja vu everytime he says this it was a good deja ju. A euphoria of the time where he vowed to never make you feel unwanted, unloved or anything that will make you sad. The time he vowed to love you in every aspect of your life, the time he said gratefully that he will love you even as a worm.

"You're being-" you are about to talk but geto keeps shushing you, "Oh girl now let's not ruin the moment." he sassed as you giggled while handling him the plate.

"I'd rather eat dick than eat vegetables all day.." Geto said raising his eyebrows on the vegetables, as you laugh smacking the sickness out of his system.

[bloodyymaryyy]

Taking care of Kai

Kai cenat x reader

Side note : it's probably gonna be messy and short but I want to write it because I just got a new phone and yeah .

I will be starting fanfics again and for YouTubers too not only f1 because there is next to nothing about amp especially

________________

You visited kai's home and was hanging out with him a few hours before he streams .

You noticed that his fridge had nothing , same with his pantry, you thought he would be going shopping but he in fact did not so when he was complaining that he had nothing but a expired cookie and thought of what duke would do and thoughted it out and was imitating duke about shit like wanting to be taken care of and "that nature " as he put it you decided to take matter into your own hands .

Dressing up and fixing up your make up , you headed to the store .

After buying extra shit for you and snacks for the guys you went to the amp house , most of them were streaming which wasn't a surprise, Chris and Davis was sitting in the living room watching TV or their phone on occasion you went up to them first , hanging them their drinks and snacks that you got them and chatted for a bit you went into dukes room first as it was the first door you saw , also handing him his drink and snack while he was thanking you , you said hello to chat and left to go to fanum's room next . Knocking on his room door too you went in after getting confirmation to enter you got him a bit of extra so he won't fanum tax Kai or anyone,you both exchanged pleasantlies (?) you left to to agent's room next, knocking once again because he wasn't streaming so you knew to knock a few times after traumatic experience from a few of the guys and you just threw his shit in his bed and left after he wasn't awake and finally you got yo kai's room where you was carrying a big bag of chips , chocolates , candy and a few others .

" oh shit! What are you doing here !? "

" I bought you snacks !" You said smiling and hugged him as he was still sitting down shocked .

" why didn't you text me I could have sent you over money !"

"nah it's okay I was watching the stream and I knew you didn't have shit so I thought I could get you some for the stream ! Also I bought something for the guys so you don't have to give me money !"

As was talking to him I handed him the bag so he could decide what he wanted and for me to get them into the pantry and fridge.

" nah I will Venmo you money after bruh! Thank you I was starving!"

Y/n is like a mother, taking care of her kids 🥹😭

I love their friendship!

I want what they have !!!!

Hello y/n

My fav girl is hereeee

Hey y/n

Why do I ship them ?

Her is your girl that takes care of you Kai

You look like her kid but in black 😂

" You are my friend you don't have to give me money I have a job ! I like taking care of you guys! Ok so I have to go to cook you guys something so you dont get fast food for the 5th time this week "

I again hugged Kai and left down to the kitchen to make us something, after what felt like forever I did some potatoes fried with a four different types of cheeses and throwed it in the oven with thick milk ( I don't know how it say it otherwise) and a few steaks and mushrooms and plate them up .

After taking two plates at the time to the guys for what felt like the hundred time today and many compliments and praise for feeding them you took the last two plates and headed again into kai's room , handing him a plate and setting yours in the table ,you retrieved a chair and sat down with Kai , chatting on stream , reading the chat and receiving many compliments it was time you go and sleep . Having a norlan 9-5 job in the morning.

___________

Okay that's it I don't know if it's good I just pulled it out of my ass so yeah . Have a good night babies I love you and I am sorry I was absent for so many weeks ❤️ love you all

Oh btw here is the "inspo"

[angelsnkisses]

nsfw headcanons - danny cooper <3

‼️ NSFW - MDNI ‼️

warnings: softdom!danny, sub!fem!reader, smut, overstimulation, oral (fem receiving), brief mention of daddy kink. lmk if i missed any!

• nobody can tell me danny isn't a total softie in bed.. unless he's having a really bad day.

• he would be so vocal while eating you out, moaning and whimpering while he devoured you eagerly.

"fuck- oh, baby, you taste so fucking good."

• he wouldn't be able to take his eyes off whatever you're doing, just the sight of you enough to drive him wild.

"you look so pretty. so, so goddamn pretty.. my perfect girl."

• no matter how exhausted he is, he always wants to give you head before doing anything else. sometimes, if his day was extra stressful, he'll just immediately walk up to you and drag you to the nearest surface, taking off your bottoms and helping himself to your pussy.

"i had a bad day at work, darling.. i just wanna taste my princess."

• he'll channel all his energy and frustrations into giving you orgasm after orgasm, until your body is trembling and his face is covered in your slick.

• and when he finally fucks you? lord. he is so fucking sweet, leaning down to mumble how good it is in your ear.

"mm, you feel so good angel~ you're so wet, is that all for me? fuck, i love you so much."

• he whimpers, for sure.

"h-hah shit, i won't be able to last if you keep squeezing me like th- oh, oh."

• he doesn't actually let himself finish until you've cum at least twice, from head or him fucking you.

"come on, baby, cum for me.. just one more time, you can do it. you're such a good girl, let me make you feel good."

• he loves finishing on your belly and thighs, watching himself paint some of his favorite parts of you with his cum just ties it all up perfectly for him.

"look at you, all covered in daddy's cum. you look so messy and pretty like this, sweetheart."

• after everything, his aftercare is perfect. he runs a bath, helping you clean yourself up while he sits behind you. he'll mumble countless praises and compliments in your ear while kissing your neck and shoulders, making you feel so special.

"so proud of you angel, you didn't even complain once. so sweet for me, aren't you?"

"you're so fucking beautiful, i just wanna hold you forever."

"come on, stay awake a little longer baby, i gotta finish cleaning you up."

• when you finally fall asleep (in one of his shirts, of course) he just strokes your hair, mumbling how much he loves you even if you can't hear it. he'll eventually fall asleep, too, holding onto you <3.

***

A/N: ugh i was watching intruders 2015 again and danny is just so whiny and noisy the whole movie, i couldn't not write about him <33. i hope you enjoyed this, i have so many more ideas for rory culkin's characters, he's just so perfect. requests are always open!

[dez-wade]

GODDDD OKAY Tubbo and Bagi are honestly like, the perfect people for Forever to become closer with BECAUSE they are very blunt and upfront. It's something I appreciate about Phil's friendship with Forever too like they're take no bullshit and will directly talk to him if there's an issue.

It's especially helpful since I feel like Forever struggles a lot when people are sarcastic with him in English or "obviously" not being truthful or not being direct since it isn't HIS language. Bagi speaks Portuguese too, and Tubbo also struggles with sarcasm and is usually quite straight forward which is something I feel like Forever needs since he's quite earnest and open with the people he loves.

He does just deserve so much more, and he DOES have so many good friendships that both him and his fans don't realize where the other person actually cares for HIM and HIS safety and happiness nd not his title as president. (Etoiles, Philza, Cellbit, Pac, Roier, maybe Tina, the other Brazilians, etc)

I knowww his character is just like that, far too forgiving and willing to accept the way others treat him but I need him to be friends with someone who won't take his shit but also won't let certain people walk all over him and call his one sided trust and loyalty "friendship". Just...I want him to be close with people who care for him and for him to realize just how many people he has who trust him and that being ganged up on and accused of horrible things because you dared disagree with ur "close friend" isnt Normal Friend Things

Sorry I think Forever finally realizing it's a duo, NOT a trio made me finally snap after months of watching him fight while feeling completely alone since he thought he only had those two who treated him with mistrust and actively tried to turn everyone against him and richas who was uninterested in having a relationship with him before being literally kidnapped

Ramblings about q!Forever and his friendships.

You made a really good point about Forever needing to have friendships that are more blunt and upfront. BBH likes to lie and gaslight for fun, Baghera does that too sometimes and Forever usually takes it as face value. Which is why he snapped on Bad and started talking Portuguese when he went all mockingly "it's sarcasm" when Forever didn't understand. They also do a lot of mind games that Forever wasn't even aware of.

People got mad that Forever never believes when BBH says something but that's because HE ALWAYS LIES. I think what happened now made sure that Forever will never believe BBH again, even if he tells the truth (that he only tells after telling 10 lies before) because it finally clicked to him that BBH will lie about everything because he can, even if there's absolutely no need to. He actually trusted BBH every time he said he didn't do something that he actually did (like the pranks on his base).

Having him get closer to people who are more earnestly like him, don't do mind games and are clear about what they're feeling is something that he definitely needs. It also explains why he has such a warped sense of what his friendship with Baghera and Bad actually were.

I REALLY wish he learned about what happened with his gun. What would have been just something small before, with the current situation, it would really enlighten him that is something that is always happening. For big, and small things.

I stop deluding myself that he'd cut ties with them for good, I just really need at least that he stops treating them priority and value his friendship with other people more. No matter who it is at this point, as long as it's someone who just earnestly likes and trusts him.

I always had people saying I want Forever to have a "yes-man" because I complained about BBH and Baghera never agreeing with anything that Forever decides to do. But they never supported him in any of his decisions. Like, I think the only thing they didn't complain about was N.I.N.H.O. and hell I think if Forever tried to come up with that idea today they would twist into the worst case scenario. And even then, after he was completing NINHO, I remember Etoiles tried to come up with an idea of having a council with the strongest members on the island so they could mediate between conflicts that could affect everyone like the Regret arc. Forever liked the idea and tried to tell Bad, who immediately twisted into the worst case scenario that they would be bullies that arrest people. So it's something that always happened, you know? Even before the election arc. They never trust him to make big decisions. It's something that made me appreciate insaneduo so much back in the election arc, because it was such a relief to see him speak with someone who valued his ideas, added to it, or just argued normally why it wasn't good.

I think the reason he's so forgiving is that he's trying to be his better self, since he wasn't a good person in the past, so he thinks he should be the bigger person and let people walk over him. I don't think he found a balance of what a good person that helps the people actually is. There's also the fact that at the end of the day, he's at a point where he truly doesn't care about anyone or anything besides Richarlyson and making sure that he leaves the island. That's why he can't even hate Cucurucho (despite obviously not liking him) even with the fact that he pretty much tortured him, because Richarlyson wasn't affected so he thinks it's not important.

I really, really wanted that Forever had someone at his side that didn't make him feel Richarlyson was everything he has. That if, God forbid, Richarlyson died one day he'd at least think he still has someone for him besides just dying together with his son.

[lonelycowgirls]

Scared

Hey guys! Here we are again ✨

So, this is a long, angsty piece of work that I've been drafting for quite a while. I'm not sure where my inspiration came from, but I do like to write and explore deeper aspects of relationships and life. I really hope this doesn't rub anyone up the wrong way. These things happen every day and I for one feel very lucky to live in a country that operates on a pro-choice basis, for the most part. Whatever keeps a person alive and healthy is what I think is the priority. I won't get into the politics of it all, I'm purely reflecting life and its complex feelings and emotions through art.

Nevertheless, this is a part of Stella and Harry's story - it's entirely fictional and has nothing to do with the real people. I hope you all take it that way.

I also hope you enjoy reading it.

Nel x

WARNINGS | Unwanted Pregnancy | Adult Language | Minors DNI | Lots of Angst

Word count: 6.6k

2014

“Ah sweet, Emma put out the chocolate-covered raisins I asked her for,” Harry waltzed in from his rehearsal into the canteen area set up for the band and crew. He was beaming at the buffet table spread out before them, a child-like energy still so prevalent even at the age of 20. Stella had been staring into the bowl of potato salad for God knows how long by that point. “Y’alright, babe?” He nudged her side while popping a handful of the dried fruit sweets into his mouth.

“Yeah…” Stella glanced up at him before turning away and walking over to grab a banana from the fruit bowl. She tugged at the tip of the banana, but it wouldn’t budge. Tugging harder and scoffing with frustration before slamming the banana back onto the buffet table.

She screwed her eyes shut and ran a hand over her forehead, sighing heavily. When she opened them again she saw a peeled yellow fruit under her nose. She looked up at Harry and took the banana, she swallowed through her dry throat over the nausea crawling up from her nervy tummy. He winked and popped another raisin in his mouth over a smirk.

“I’m pregnant, Harry.”

He was almost sure his heart stopped for a few moments. The smirk fell the quickest it had ever fallen - she’d likely remember his facial response forever.

“What?” He whispered. His eyes were wide in shock, his blood ran cold with a shiver up his spine. She nodded, the tears welling in her eyes for what felt like the hundredth time since she’d found out. She couldn’t believe she’d become that girl. That girl in his life. The girl to ruin his life. “You,” He shakily attempted to draw in breaths to steady his racing heart. “No, no, y-you can’t be pregnant, you’re-”

“I’m on the pill.” She spoke over him, stepping back and running a sweaty palm through her hair. “I know, trust me I know, I’ve been questioning everything for days. Apparently it’s not 100 per cent effective.”

“We- you can’t be pregnant… I’m about to go on the biggest tour of my life.” He stepped back, stumbling on his feet slightly. He brought a hand up to his forehead and she watched his fingers shake.

“I know that-” she murmured quietly, but he cut her off again. He was panicking, now.

“We can’t have a baby- fuck.” He cursed, running both hands through his fast-growing curls and tugging at the back of his head. “We’re always so careful, right?” His voice was muffled through the sleeves of his top as his face was buried in his arms.

“I mean, yeah… I guess we needed to be more careful.” She sniffled, still not looking at him. She’d expected him to feel and react this way, but it still made the whole situation that much more emotional and scary. He snapped to look at her when he heard her small sob of sorrow.

“Shit, I’m so sorry, Stell. You should’ve told me as soon as you found out.” He leaned back against the buffet table, reeving up the cream tablecloth. Emma always complained about the stains that the boys would leave on it but still refused to get any other colour.

“I knew you’d react like this, H… I was scared.” She was folded in on herself now, protecting herself from the rejection she swore was coming.

“I know… I’m sorry, I’m just shocked. I never wanted to do this to you.” Stella looked at him with that. Their eyes locked, his shiny green with her deep brown.

“You haven’t done anything bad, Harry. In theory. There are things we can do… things we have to do.” They stayed silent for a moment as Harry racked his brain through the options he knew about from sex education lessons at school.

“Won’t that hurt though?” His eyebrows were tied in the middle, concern flooding his pale face. His shoulders were sunk, he looked like a helpless little boy. Nowhere near ready to be a father. She took a careful step towards him, unable to stop herself - he needed comforting.

“I’m sure it won’t hurt nearly as much as giving birth, H.”  She laughed slightly, pushing a curl over his ear.

“I’m so sorry, Stell.” A large hand came to rest on her hip, a thumb stroking back and forth.

“You don’t have to be sorry.  It takes two to tango… and I was a very willing dance partner.” She winked, trying to lighten the mood. She brought her fingers to his chest, two of them tracing the cross that rested on it.

“Are you sure you’re okay with… with what you have to go through.” He spoke barely above a whisper, looking down to try and find the appropriate words but coming up empty.

“I’m a big girl, Harry.” She was telling herself as much as him.

“Yeah, I know…” He smiled slightly, somewhat proud of how mature she was and just as thankful for it, too. “Just know, one day… the time will be right. We’ll have beautiful babies, as many as you wanna push out.”

“Yeah?” She cocked her head as he smirked and another hand moved to curve around her hip. “We’ll see about that, Mr Cheaper by the Dozen.” She chuckled as he finally scooped her up into his arms, the feeling giving her an immense amount of comfort. He breathed her in, his face nuzzled in her neck as she ran her hands up and down his back. “I love you so much, I think we’re gonna be okay.” She whispered into his shoulder. Pulling away slightly to look down in her eyes, Harry kept his arms around her and smiled softly.

“I can’t believe there’s a baby in there…” He smirked, eyes getting a bit glossy. Goosebumps instantly sparked all over her body, she flinched in his arms almost as if his words had physically struck her. Regardless of how softly and sincerely he’d said them. She moved to gently push him off but he held tighter.

“No, H… it’s not a baby. Not yet.” She shook her head, blinking the tears away. She was exhausted, having been up for nearly 24 hours by that point, worrying about this exact situation. She pushed harder and stepped out of his arms, but he let his palm graze her belly as she moved away. She began slowly pacing, hands raising to rub at her eyes.

“What do you mean?” He asked, confused by her sudden return to her stressful demeanour. He frowned, still leaning back against the buffet table.

“You can’t make this what it isn’t. You’ll… you’re making it harder.” Her breath was speeding up, a shaking hand being brought up to her chest as she fought the panic and nausea. He kept his hands by his sides now, fidgeting and anxiously picking at the skin around his thumbs with his forefingers.

“I don’t understand, babe.” He stated firmly, not knowing whether she needed his comfort or her space, but desperate to figure it out. Her pacing stalled in the middle of the room. A clear divide was now put between them.

“Harry, I have to go to the doctor’s and take a pill to get rid of this… whatever you can call this thing inside me. I can’t do that with the thought that it’s anything more than a speck in my womb. Alright? So, just don’t make this what it isn’t because I… I can’t.” She brought her hands to her face again, her breath catching in her throat as the anxiety continued to heighten and spill over. Harry stayed frozen, not knowing what to do, or how to help her. This was something he’d never been prepared for, he’d never learned about abortions in school or even discussed them with his mum or sister. His dad adopted the phrase, ‘Don’t be a fool, wrap your tool’ pretty much as soon as Harry turned 16. As far as he was concerned, Stella was still carrying his baby, no matter at what stage, which was making him feel unexpected things. He knew that right now wasn’t the time and it would be irresponsible of them, but he thought that if he romanticised it a little bit, she’d still feel loved and accepted by him. Boy, was he wrong.

“We need to tell someone-” Harry offered, his eyes following her pacing feet. She came to a halt again at his words.

“No. No, we can’t tell anyone.” She motioned with her hands, emphasising how serious she was.

“Have you even told your mum?” Harry reasoned, brow furrowed. Stella told her mum everything. He was sure her mother knew more about their relationship than he probably did.

“No, she’d kill me if she found out.”

“Well, maybe you can tell Dolly?” Harry grasped at straws, he thought she might need another woman’s opinion. He’d definitely be telling Gemma at some point, he knew she’d have comforting words. Most probably after thumping him on the back of the head for being so stupid as to get his 19-year-old girlfriend up the duff in the first place.

“I don’t know, Harry. I think it’s best nobody knows, I don’t want this following me.” The pacing returned.

“Well, I’ve gotta tell my mum,” Harry said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Why?!” The pacing stopped again, she looked at him like he’d suddenly grown a second head on his shoulder.

“Because she’s my mum, Stell. She knows more than me about this stuff. She’ll know what to say.” Stella didn’t doubt that, but she couldn’t bare Anne knowing that they’d been irresponsible enough to have to get an abortion. If she was scared of what her mum would think, she couldn’t summon the thought of Anne knowing.

“And you don’t think she’s gonna be disappointed?” Harry was quiet at that, folding his arms and dropping his gaze to the floor again. “You don’t think she’ll judge us? Judge me?” Stella stepped forward on each question, a fire behind her eyes now. She almost looked wild, her eyes bloodshot from the lack of sleep and her body almost vibrating with emotion.

“You know she’s not like that. She’ll understand. Yeah, she might be a bit shocked and sad that you’re getting rid of it but-”

“Oh, I’m getting rid of it? It’s just me, yeah? It’s all me, I’m dealing with your baby but it’s none of your business.” Stella was beyond help now, spitting venom in the quiet room. He’d not seen her act this way before.

“No… no, you know that’s not what I mean,” Harry said quietly, sounding fed up now as he dragged a hand across his face in exasperation. She stared at him with wide eyes, daring him to look at her. “I don’t know how to talk to you right now.” He grumbled, holding his hands up in surrender, before swiftly moving towards the door.

“Oh, fuckin’ hell, fine, do that! Lucky you can just walk away from this while I’m left to sort it out!” Her screeching words were punctuated by him slamming the door. “Prick.”

“Hiya, baby girl! How are you guys? How’s the tour rehearsals? Tell me everything!” Dolly’s beaming face on the other end of the FaceTime was almost making Stella feel better. Almost.

“It’s… it’s good, yeah. Can get a bit boring sometimes, but it’s nice to be able to go to bed with Harry every night.” She tried to sound happy and upbeat, hoping that her big sister wouldn’t see through her.

“Oh, girl I bet it is.” Dolly’s perfectly plucked eyebrows danced with a suggestive smirk, making Stella scoff.

“Not just for that reason, Doll. We go to the hotel pools or gyms together, then we go to dinner or we get a takeaway, the takeaways are a bit shit here though, I said to H I’d kill for a-”

“Okay, what’s going on, Stell?” Dolly asked suddenly. “You’re all flappy and flustered. Your eyes are bloodshot to fuck. Tell me what’s going on.” Stella sighed, dropping her head down onto her arm, willing the tears to stay in her damn eyeballs. She was sick of crying at that point. Deep down she knew that her sister would pick up on the signs straight away, she’d subconsciously called her for this exact reason. She just thought she’d have a little more time to get her courage up.

“You’re gonna be so upset with me.” Stella sobbed, fully crying now that she actually had to say the words. Dolly’s face was full of worry, whatever this news was, she was scared to know now.

“I won’t be upset, Stell. We can get through anything, but you’ve got to tell me.” Stella tried to take deep breaths, just so she could allow the words to leave her lips. “Stella, please, just tell me.”

“I’m… fucking pregnant, Dolly.” Dolly’s face fell into shock, her hand flying up to her mouth.

“Oh my God,” her eyes instantly filled with tears. “Stell…” She awkwardly laughed in disbelief, unexpected emotions bubbling up.

“I know.” Stella shook her head, eyes shut, tears still flowing.

“Fuck, okay. It’s fine. It’s gonna be fine.” Dolly dabbed her eyes with her fingers, trying not to smudge her winged eyeliner. “You obviously can’t tell Mum.”

“This is what I said to Harry! It would go down like a fart in a lift.” Dolly laughed and Stella joined in, it felt like the first time she’d laughed for a week straight. It felt good to make light, somewhat, of a very stressful situation. “I’ve got an appointment to get an abortion on Friday morning.”

“Ah Stell, you’re gonna… deal with it?” It was telling how nobody seemed to be able to say the actual word - it was one of the reasons Stella knew she’d be judged.

“I can’t have a baby right now, Dolly. Harry’s 20 years old. He’s having the time of his bloody life.” Stella blew out a soggy breath through her pouting lips, sniffing over the tail end of her tears.

“What about you?” Dolly asked, the conversation pausing for a moment. “I’m hearing a lot about Harry and not a lot about Stella.” Dolly rest her head on a fist as she looked in the camera lens.

“I… I can’t have a baby.” Stella’s hand absentmindedly landed on her lower belly, running her palm along the material of her t-shirt. “I’m not ready… there’re things I want to do. Things I want to accomplish. I especially can’t have Harry Styles’s baby. Can you imagine? I don’t want to be just his baby mama.” Stella anxiously cringed inwardly at the potential headlines. “The girl chasing for child support… the girl waiting at home looking after the kids while he’s off seeing the world… the girl left behind…” she whispered, trailing off with her eyes focused on the lamp on the bedside table.

“I get that. You’re gonna be more than that, of course, you are.” Dolly smiled over fresh tears welling up for her baby sister. When Harry first became famous, everyone was so excited, Dolly remembered it like it was yesterday. She’d watched Stella enjoy it, for a while. Recently she’d watched her struggle with it, watched her fade into the background. She’d never been truly accepted into his new lifestyle. By the people who were begging to be around him, or by his fans - everyone knew why, including Stella. But Dolly also knew she was in love with Harry, had been for years, and she wanted her sister to be happy. So she vowed she’d always be there to pick up the pieces when it all started to fall apart. “I wish I could come and be with you but I’m knee-deep at fashion week.”

“No, I know, of course, I understand. I’ll be fine.” Stella spoke sadly, as much as she secretly hoped someone in her family would be able to come and support her, she’d never want any of them to drop everything, for this of all things.

“Is Harry going with you?” Dolly questioned, casually.

“He can’t, he’s got rehearsals,” Stella mumbled, picking at a nail.

“Oh, for God’s sake, surely they’d understand-”

“Well no, because we can’t tell anyone.”

“Can’t you just say you’ve got an important doctor's appointment?”

“Isn’t it a bit obvious if we say we both need to go?”

“Well, maybe… but it’s not fair for you to have to deal with it all on your own. It’s scary.” Stella’s belly flipped again at the thought of the abortion, but she knew she could do it. It wasn’t an ideal situation, but she would be fine. She had to be.

“It is a little. But it’s supposed to be not too bad, I Googled it and apparently, the worst of the pain is over in a few hours, so I’ll be back at the hotel and in bed for the bad bits.”

“Okay,” Dolly didn’t sound as convinced. “What’s he thinking anyway, is he freaking out?”

“He’s… I haven’t seen him since he walked out on me yesterday.”

“What?!” Dolly sat up straight in her chair at this revelation. Her eyes bulged behind her glasses. “He walked out on you? Surely fucking not.”

“We had an argument and he walked out. Slammed the door and everything. I do kind of get it to be fair, I’ve basically given him the worst news imaginable.” Stella looked up at the lamp on the bedside table again. “I almost didn’t tell him because I thought he’d dump me.”

“Aw Stell, I don’t think he’s like that is he? He’d be an idiot to throw away three years together and he’d be a dick for doing it over a pregnancy scare, especially.” Dolly’s face was as serious as her tone. “I know I’d never forgive him.”

“Well, it’s not looking good now anyway. He’s off sulking somewhere.” Stella rolled her eyes. “I’ve gotta go, I’m knackered and just wanna sleep. I’ll text you.”

“Okay, sis. Look after yourself. Speak soon, keep me in the loop. I love you!”

“Love you, too,” Stella replied, sighing as she flopped back against the plush hotel pillows and dropped her phone onto the bedside table. She was too angry to text Harry first or to ask anyone where he was either. None of the boys knew what was going on so they hadn’t bothered her, which she took as a win. She glanced around the room, Harry’s suitcase lay open in front of the dressing table, the contents spilling out in a mess onto the floor, as usual. Was he still wearing the same pants from yesterday? How had he brushed his teeth? She wondered to herself but then reasoned that he could literally just ask Carrie, the tour manager, to get him anything he needed. He didn’t need her. He didn’t need anyone, really.

A heavy knock on the door shook Stella out of her thoughts with a firm jolt to her body. She sighed, tossing the duvet from her body and dragging her feet towards the direction of the sound. Forgoing the peephole, she cracked the door open, peering through. There Harry stood, in the same clothes he’d been in since the day before. In his arms was a huge brown paper bag, emblazoned with the familiar golden yellow arches they’d become way too accustomed to since landing in the US. Glancing down further, her eyes caught on the fluffy pink slippers that adorned his feet. She smirked at them before quickly covering by folding her lips into her mouth and narrowing her eyes at his face.

“You think a Maccy’s is gonna fix this?”

“We’re not broken, baby.” He said with his own smirk and a shake of his head. His eyes widened, “Sorry, poor choice of words.”

Stella rolled her eyes and opened the door fully, stepping to the side so he could waltz into their hotel room. Just watching him cross the threshold had her body sagging with contentedness. She’d been tensely on edge for far longer than what would be considered a healthy amount for a 19-year-old. But for a 19-year-old pregnant girlfriend of a boyband member? That scale may be marked differently.

“Where’d you get the slippers?” She said to the back of his head.

“Got fed up of my boots, so Lou let me borrow these of hers,” Harry mumbled, dropping the paper bag onto the dressing table before collapsing back on the bed with a huff and a deep sigh. She looked at him, sprawled out on the white duvet, his lanky legs hanging off the edge, arms splayed out either side of him, eyes shut, lips parted. Stella thought back to her conversation with Dolly and felt anger flow through her veins again. Moving to the sofa against the wall of their suite, she picked up a throw pillow before launching it at Harry’s head. He huffed in surprise, not able to get a word in before she did.

“You don’t get to come back in here like nothing’s changed, Harry.” She said, getting upset all over again. Harry clutched the pillow to his stomach, coming up to a sitting position. “You left me yesterday not knowing if you’d ever come back.”

“Obviously I was gonna come back, I just needed space, Stell.”

“Yeah? Well, I needed you.” Harry was silent, his mouth hung open, catching flies. “Why do I have to be the strong one? When you didn’t come to bed, I didn’t know whether it was over or not yesterday… thought I might even have Carrie coming up here telling me to pack my stuff because we were done.”

“Stella, I’d never do that to you. I… I can’t believe you’d even think I would end things like that.” He frowned hard, hand coming up to his chest. “Do you really think that’s who I am?”

“I don’t know, Harry. This is the point!” She threw her arms in the air. “You left me in the unknown.” They came back down to slap her hotel robe-covered sides. “That’s what fucking hurts.” She pointed to her heart as her voice faltered.

“Stella, you were laying into me, I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t know what else to say!” Harry’s chest was heaving slightly, panic and anger mixing and rising. “Everything I say to you lately is wrong.”

“Don’t make me out to be some sort of psycho, Harry. I’m going through a lot right now.”

“Ugh, God there you go again!” He tossed the cushion back onto the sofa it came from, getting up to move away from her, arms flying in exasperation. He took a deep breath to try and calm himself before turning back with his hands on his hips. “I’m not trying to make you out as anything, I’m literally just trying to talk to you… I don’t know what to do to help you.”

“No, you don’t.” Stella laughed humourlessly, she looked down at her fidgeting feet. Her arms came to surround her tired torso. “I’ve had enough… let’s just get ready for bed.” Harry ran a hand over his face and moved towards his open suitcase, starting to unbutton his jeans. Stella wandered over to the ensuite to brush her teeth, speaking before she closed the door, “I think you should get the sofa bed out.”

Stella had been tossing and turning for over an hour, occasionally shifting up to glance at Harry on the sofa bed. He was on his side, a long leg thrown over the top of the spare blanket they’d found in the wardrobe. He always slept like a brick, no matter where he was forced to lay his head.

Dropping her head back onto the pillow, she wondered if they’d make it through this one. She didn’t want to lose what they had but she was too proud to accept the way he’d behaved about this whole situation. They were only young but their lives together would bring so much more turbulence and she didn’t want to have to be the one to guide him through it all the time, while he pranced about with everyone thinking he was perfection personified.

She knew what people said about him, how they talked about him, the words they used. They idolised him. They couldn’t understand why he’d chosen her. Of all the options he had. She’d mostly gotten over the insecurity of their younger years together, but every so often, it would start to swim around her head again and make her doubt herself again. And doubt them as a partnership.

She wanted to respond to people who pointed out her seemingly endless list of flaws and say, ‘Hey, he’s got plenty, too.’ Not that they’d believe her. He was still a man at the end of the day. And men did stupid shit. Like, walk out on their pregnant girlfriends for a day and a half, while they’re away from home and she’s about to get an abortion.

“Hey,” Stella jolted awake, she must have dozed off in her thoughts. Harry’s voice was soft and gentle, his light strokes on her back were even more so. She made no move to turn over, just nudged her head slightly to signal she was listening. “I can’t completely get out of rehearsals… but I’ll make sure I’m here when you get back. Okay? I’ll make sure of it, I’ll make some sort of excuse and I’ll be here.”

Harry watched her breathing, biting his bottom lip when she still didn’t move. “This is all my fault…” His voice wobbled over the words, making Stella’s heart sink. She finally rolled over to see him leaning over the bed on his arms, fists digging into the mattress. Leaning up on her elbow, she brought a hand to his cheek, she stroked with her thumb and shook her head.

“It’s not all your fault, Harry. It’s not.” Her hand slid down to his neck and to his bare shoulder, giving him a subtle pull to signal his welcome into the bed beside her. He quickly obliged before she could change her mind, pulling the duvet up to his chin, almost swallowing her head up completely in the heavy covering. “We’ve both just… made mistakes. It’ll all be over soon.” Her voice held a melancholy that encapsulated their complicated scenario completely. The sadness of the loss, the anguish of the toll it was taking on their relationship, the relief that there was a safe solution available to them.

“I should be comforting you, I don’t know why I couldn’t do that. I think, I just…�� Harry’s eyes were cast down in thought. He really didn’t know why he reacted the way he did. He surely wasn’t proud of it, but he had to do it. Something inside him told him to run away for a bit until he could think straight.

“We’re scared, H. We’re just kids still, this is heavy… we’re working it all out.” She fiddled with the lining of the pillowcase that was under his head. 

“I don’t wanna lose you.” His voice was so quiet, dripping with sincerity. His hand itched to touch her, to grab her and pull her close, just to emphasise how much he meant it. But he didn’t want to overstep his welcome. “I hate when you’re angry with me.”

“Stop making me angry then.” Stella teased, her eyes flicking up for a second with a smirk before looking at her fiddling fingers again. Harry chuckled lightly.

“I’ll try.” Stella bit her lip, looking at his dark silhouette again, with hooded eyes begging her for sleep. She leaned forward to press a tiny peck to his lips, his arm secured her to him to place a successful three more to hers. She then turned in his hold for a few minutes, him hugging her so tight, their bodies slotting together naturally. She rested there for a few minutes, before nudging herself free to shift across the bed and snuggle down into her own side. Harry’s heart ached as he stared at the back of her head, so close but still so far. But he knew he needed to put his own feelings second, at least for now. He needed to take her lead on this one and respect her boundaries. Besides, she’d never steered him wrong thus far.

Stepping out of the back emergency exit of the family planning clinic, Paul, one of the band’s bodyguards and one of Harry’s closest friends and confidants, guided her to the haven of the tinted windowed vehicle waiting for her in the car park. The whole thing had felt like a Mission Impossible movie, except Stella was more of an Austin Powers than an Ethan Hunt. She had her most oversized cardigan on, along with Harry’s biggest, darkest sunglasses and one of Niall’s caps, hood up. She’d signed into the clinic with a pre-arranged dummy name that was called out into the waiting room. Luckily, there were only three other people waiting to be seen and they all looked too caught up in their own lives to care about her presence. Which made a really nice change. She’d almost forgotten the concept of people not giving a shit about her or what she was wearing or how she acted.

She was sure she wouldn’t be able to describe the way her body felt if she tried. The phrase ‘emotionally drained’ could never be more appropriately used. Harry had kept her up half the night with his tossing and turning and the other half she’d kept herself up with her own tossing and turning. Which was out of character for him, but he was so worried that she would be papped - or worse still, spotted by fans - that he was moving like a man possessed.

Halfway through the struggle of the night, she’d decided it best to try and calm him by drawing patterns on his bare back. Running her nails up and down, side to side and in circular shapes, softly letting her fingertips glide on their journey. She did it often because she knew he loved it, that night she felt he needed it. It calmed her too, feeling his warm, smooth skin on hers. Once she began hearing his quick breaths slow to a relaxed pace and then finally to a soft snore, she stopped and turned over as slow as she could so as not to disturb him again, falling asleep at last, but for an hour at most. When she woke up with a jolt, his side was empty, sheets crumpled and unmade as usual.

As Paul began to drive she took a deep breath, took her cap and glasses off and willed herself to feel something. To feel something for what she’d just done, but she didn’t. She’d done her best to block out the intrusive thoughts of believing that she was a murderer, purely to stay sane through all of this. But now she felt like a cold heartless monster, almost like she’d gone the completely opposite way. No one would ever know what she’d done, but she always would. Dolly always would. Harry always would. Now, Paul always would. She trusted Harry as much as he trusted her; as much as to not force her into signing an NDA. So she knew he’d never tell a soul, should things not work out between them in the end. But they were forever changed from this moment, well, from the moment she’d watched the little red lines show up on that plastic stick.

Don’t feel guilty, don’t feel guilty, don’t feel guilty, don’t-

“Ya alright there, sugar?” She jumped slightly at Paul’s deep Irish voice piping up from the front. She met his eyes in the rearview mirror and noted the kindness in the blue, he wasn’t judging her, she could sense that. All he wanted was for her to be okay. She nodded wordlessly, pulling her cardigan sleeves over her fingers and leaning to look out of the window again.

Paul scanned her card for her and allowed her to step through the hotel room door, which she allowed after multiple attempts at telling him that she could do it herself fell on deaf ears. He carried her handbag, too.

Harry jumped up from where he’d been led back on the bed, an arm propping his head up and his phone in hand, mindlessly scrolling as he tried not to lose his mind overthinking that his girlfriend might die from a noninvasive, tried and tested medical procedure. He’d been on the phone to Gemma since he’d gotten back to the room after telling the boys and the crew that he had a migraine. He couldn’t stop himself, he wanted to know what he needed to do to help Stella when she returned from her treatment. He felt a bit guilty about going against her wishes of not telling anyone, but he was unaware that Stella had already told Dolly.

He stopped a few feet in front of her, fidgeting from one foot to the other, fiddling with the side hems on his jeans. She looked so small and defeated. She smiled at him softly, trying to show gratitude that he was there, just like he’d promised he would be. Paul nodded once at Harry before handing Stella her bag and squeezing her shoulder, throwing a final salute before letting the door shut with a soft click.

“Well, it’s done,” Stella said, dropping her bag onto the sofa and perching herself on the end of the bed to slide her trainers off. Harry stayed put, watching her.

“How do you feel? Does it hurt yet?” He kept his voice gentle like he was approaching a wounded deer.

“No, I feel fine at the moment, only happened about an hour ago though and the doc said I should expect some pain around the two to four-hour mark.” Once both shoes were off, she stayed still, only fiddling with the threads pulling from her cardigan.

“Okay.” They sat in silence for a minute or two, before Harry finally worked himself up to move to a crouch in front of where she sat. He cupped her slightly chubby cheek, her eyes stayed downcast, lashes fluttering. His thumb stroked under her puffy eye and she brought her hand up to wrap her fingers around his wrist. “I’m really proud of you, Stell. You’re so brave, much braver than me.” She still didn’t look at him, her bottom lip tucking inwards as she shook her head slightly.

“I feel nothing, Harry.” She voiced, barely above a crackled whisper. “Why don’t I feel anything?” He frowned, shaking his head.

“I don’t know, babe. You said the doctors mentioned it would take a few hours to-” 

“No, I mean I don’t feel anything.” Her words were juxtaposed with the lone tear that began to trail down her face.

“Oh. That’s alright, you’re not a bad person if that’s what you’re thinking… you did what was right for you… and for us.” He tried not to make it about him again, he knew she definitely didn’t need that. “Like you said, it wasn’t really a baby, it was just a pocket of cells in your uterus.”

Stella huffed out a laugh, “You been Googling?”

“Nah, Gem told me.” Harry laughed softly, eyes flashing with realisation when Stella flinched, eyes finally meeting his. “Shit.” Stella couldn’t even find the energy to argue, she just rolled her eyes and moved her head to the side to press a kiss to his palm and his wrist that she still had hold of on her face.

“Don’t worry about it, H. I suppose it was harsh of me to say you couldn’t tell your family.” She knew she hadn’t handled this very well. Inside, she was grateful that he’d talked it out with someone. “What else did she say?” He stood up straight, both his knees clicking on the way. She puffed out another laugh as he stretched out exaggeratedly like an old man. 

“She said,” He held out his hand to help her up. “That I should take care of you. That I should rub your belly, if you’d like that?” Stella nodded. He led her up the bed by the hand, flipping the duvet over. He slid her cardigan off her shoulders, before flicking his head up and running his hands up her arms as she lifted them over her head. He then pulled her t-shirt off, leaving her in just her soft lounging bra. “She said that I should get you your favourite food, which is gonna be hard to do since you like Cadburys chocolate and roast dinners and we’re in America.” He flicked her nose with his finger and she swatted at him. Stella giggled along anyway, brushing a hand through his curls as he bent to pull her leggings down her legs. Once both of her feet were free, he pressed kisses back over her tummy, the tops of her breasts and her neck, as he made his way back up to stand. He bent to wrap his arms around her waist and bury his face in her neck, hugging her close. She, in turn, wound her arms around his neck, scratching his nape and inhaling his scent. He pulled back and turned her so she could climb into the bed.

Once the covers were over her, he jogged in small steps back round the bed, getting his t-shirt and jeans off in quick succession, something she knew him to do regularly, but in different circumstances. He slid into the bed and faced her, breathing a sigh of relief when she shuffled closer to him and tangled her legs with his. “Then she said,” he murmured, low and slow, tucking hair behind Stella’s ear. “To tell you how much I love you and that I support you.” He brought her closer still, trailing his fingers up and down the curve of her waist. “I’m sorry I was a dick.” He whispered.

“She told you to say that, too?”

“Nah, that one was all me.”

“Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t know when I’ll be… okay, again.” She looked down again, not meeting his eyes. His brows pulled in.

“That’s alright, Stell.”

“I mean… in a lot of ways.” She whispered, wanting him to get the message without her having to say it out loud. “Specifically… in that way.” She looked in his eyes briefly to solidify her point.

“Stella, you’ve just had an abortion, I’m not a horny monster.” To be truthful, both of them were feeling a little bit of PTSD from the experience, they needed to live a bit more of a wholesome lifestyle for a while. “Don’t worry about all that. We’ll just worry about what’s up here for a while,” He tapped her temple with his finger. “Instead of what’s down there.” She smiled, so relieved that he was being so understanding and mature. “Plus, distance makes the heart grow fonder. Once you’re ready to go, it’s gonna go OFF.” She knew it was too good to be true. He was still a 20-year-old man, she supposed. It still didn’t fail to make her a little excited, deep inside.

“You’re so good.” She said, playing with the ends of his hair that just kept getting longer.

“You are.” He responded, rubbing his nose with hers.

“Yeah… we’re good.”

~

If you'd like to read other pieces from this universe click here.

[cinnamontoastcrunch-15]

This was supposed to be for today's @wolfstarmicrofic prompt: candles, but it's now 1,801 words, so I'm just going to post it as a oneshot and upload it to ao3 instead (because it's absolutely NOT micro lmao)

Just to establish this now: this is a Talk to Me AU

Remus Lupin offers to go first.

"I'll do it."

Sirius hasn't met the bloke in his life, having tagged along with Lily, but he's not complaining. Anyone with the balls to try out the hand is fine in his books.

The hand is already stationed at the small coffee table, Remus walking calmly over to the seat pulled up in front of it and dropping down onto it. Sirius smiles for a moment, rooting through his bag and pulling out one of his white candles. He drops it on his desk and lets Peter light it.

"Candles?" Remus asks disbelievingly, Peter just nodding.

"Light the candle to open the door, blow it out to close it."

"Lift your arms," he says when he sees James behind Remus, belt in hand. Remus obeys quickly, glancing up as James lowers the belt around him and the chair, tightening it around his waist.

"Mm, kinky," Remus mutters under his breath, and Sirius snorts, entertained. Something is telling him this possession is going to be great. James yanks the belt tighter, making Remus flinch. "Fucking hell, mate."

"It has to be tight," James explains, taking a step back. Sirius moves to sit with him. James sits on the sofa, Sirius sitting on the floor in front of him. "Trust me."

"Right, once we've started the clock, it can't run for more than ninety seconds," Sirius calls to the room, the same spiel he says every time.

"Why? What happens after ninety seconds?" Lily, Remus' friend, pipes up. Sirius meets Lily's eyes with what he hopes appears as a menacing smile.

"They'll want to stay." As he explains, he lets his eyes land on Remus', maybe rattle him up a little before he starts. Remus meets his eyes unblinkingly, throwing Sirius a little bit. Nobody has been this... blase before.

"And if you die while they're in you," James interjects at the realisation that Sirius is too busy watching this man, "then they'll have you forever."

The rest of the party start muttering, gossiping. Remus rolls his eyes, and Sirius decides it's time to stop fucking around and just get on with it. Time to freak this bloody kid out, stop him from seeming so mysterious.

"Okay, enough stalling, let's go!" Sirius claps once, commanding the attention of the room. Everyone falls silent as a few people start pulling out their phones to film. "You ready Lupin?" Remus nods. "Alright. Put your hand on it. Like, holding it." Remus complies, reaching out and fitting his hand to the white ceramic mould. For a moment, Sirius observes his hand in the embalmed one, his thumb cutting through some of the scribbled writing.

He's not even shaking.

"Now," he continues quickly. He won't be so relaxed in a second. "Say 'talk to me'." Remus chuckles a little disbelievingly, eyes not breaking contact with Sirius' as he speaks.

"Talk to me." Ignoring the tug in his stomach, he watches as Remus turns his head and he jumps a mile.

Fucking finally.

His hand immediately flies backwards, his whole body rejecting whatever he's just seen. Sirius starts laughing before he can think, enjoying the first time reaction and recalling his own. Honestly? He was shitting himself too, but nobody needs to know that.

"Oh my god," Remus says, voice suddenly shaky and eyes darting everywhere. "Who the fuck- who the fuck was that?" He turns to Sirius, as if expecting an answer. Sirius is a little busy laughing, hitting James' leg once. "Who the hell was that?!" Remus asks again, louder, finally compelling Sirius to answer. He shrugs first.

"No clue, it's different every time." He dissolves into further laughter, dropping his head for a moment, before pushing on. Yeah, Remus is freaked out, but Sirius knows he isn't going to stop there, he can feel it. "You didn't do everything, though. You need to say 'I let you in', otherwise this is all pointless," he says pointedly, forcing himself to swallow his entertainment and get through the end of the prep.

Remus can do it. He knows he can.

"Hold on, wait, I'm-"

"Just do it!" James exclaims. "Do it, do it, do it..."

Fuck yes. Sirius joins into the chant immediately, watching as everyone around him joins in. Well, everyone apart from Lily, who looks like she wants to go and drag Remus from the party. Remus glances at everybody watching him, before turning and looking straight at Sirius. Something in him seems to shift, turning back to the hand, pressing his lips into a thin line and slowly reaching out.

Ah, there's the shaking.

He clasps the hand, taking a deep breath.

"Alright, alright!" He shouts, eyes screwing shut. "Okay, fine. Okay." Sirius starts willing him to do it in his head.

Go on, you've got this.

Talk to me.

"Talk to me." He opens his eyes and immediately glances away. Sirius bites back another laugh, checking to see that he hasn't broken contact with the hand.

If anything, he's just gripping it tighter.

"Go on, say the next part." Sirius inches himself slightly closer, pulling out and unlocking his phone, ready to time it.

"I- I can't look at it!" Remus is still looking away, Sirius praying for him to just say it.

"You don't have to look at it, okay? Just say it. 'I let you in'."

"I- I can't-"

"Say it!" Sirius shouts, watching him carefully. He can do it. He needs to do it.

Come on, Remus.

After taking a deep, stabilising breath, Sirius starting to think that he's going to give up, his eyes focus on a space.

Staring the spirit down.

He's such a fucking badass.

"I let you in."

Remus is immediately thrown backwards, neck flying back until his head is facing the ceiling. He exhales once and James stands, tapping Sirius' shoulder once before he moves forwards.

"Timer?" He asks, before walking over to Remus.

"I've got it," he answers, starting it as Remus' pupils dilate, eyes suddenly an inky black, no white visible.

James clicks twice, drawing the newly possessed Remus Lupin from his haze. They blink, eyes flicking to James and head starting to tilt down. Sirius smiles to himself. His face is flushed, neck covered in red lines.

Okay, strangled.

A laugh bubbles out of Remus' body, Sirius glancing down at the timer.

75 seconds left.

Sirius smiles as he watches the others at the party laughing along with the spirit. The laugh grows more maniacal by the second, until it stops abruptly, Remus' body pulling back as they choke slightly, breath stopping in their throat. He loves these ones, they're always the most interesting.

Remus' head whips straight to Sirius, tilting to the side once.

"Someone's following you," their voice is croaky, fried, and Sirius doesn't flinch.

"Really? They hot?" He asks casually. James snorts, the spirit turning and swinging for him with their free hand. Sirius cackles at that, enjoying watching his brother leap backwards with a swear. "Oh, not your biggest fan, 'ey?"

Remus' body coughs once, the spirit turning their attention elsewhere. God, this one doesn't have the best attention span, does it? He glances quickly at his phone to make sure they're making good time, before enjoying the show. The spirit leans forward and makes a biting action at Hestia, who's eyebrows raise, nervousness leaking onto her face. It doesn't last too long, though, as they make their way to Lily.

"She doesn't like you." Their eyes flick just above Lily's shoulder, behind her, and Lily looks behind her for a moment, concerned. The moment she does, every drawer and cupboard on James and Sirius' cabinet opens and slams shut, the whole cabinet yanked forward.

Holy fucking shit, this is amazing.

Sirius looks back at the phone.

"83 seconds, James, take the hand back!" Sirius calls confidently, as Lily turns back to Remus, her anxiety clear, as the spirit keep drawling about something to do with death.

"Right, come on, you've had enough time here." He reaches out to take the hand. However, the moment he goes to pull it away, Remus' free hand flies out and snatches the embalmed hand back, sending shock rippling through Sirius.

That's never happened before.

It doesn't matter, they still has five seconds. It'll be fine.

James reaches back, grabs the embalmed hand with both of his own and yanks it. The spirit just won't let go, though, their grip somehow overwhelming James'.

"Bollocks. James?!" Sirius hisses, watching the clock run as the spirit starts a chant of its own.

"Run, run, run, run," they keep going, eyes wide and burning into Lily's as the light above them flickers and bursts. Sirius covers his eyes as Peter joins James in trying to free Remus of the hand. Nothing's working, the clock just keeps going.

"James, ninety seconds, fucking get on with it!" Sirius shouts, ignoring the clamouring from everyone else and focusing on Remus. He's still shouting 'run', the lights are off, and it's been 96 fucking seconds.

"I know, okay?! I fucking know!" He groans as he and Peter try to wrestle the hand away.

Fuck it, something needs to be done.

Sirius abandons the phone, ignoring the shards from the light bulb as he surges forward and over to Remus' arm. Without thinking, he shoves his own hand between Remus' palm and the embalmed hand's palm, gripping the fingers of the embalmed hand and wrenching it away from Remus. A scream escapes him as the hand finally falls, tumbling across the carpeted floor. Peter moves quickly, dropping down to the coffee table and blowing out the candle to shut the door.

It might not make a fucking difference though, they've never done this before.

Sirius has fallen in his aggressiveness in pulling the hand away. He runs an anxious hand through his hair and immediately pushing himself up and over to Remus.

Remus has fallen forward, breathing heavily, and Sirius needs to know he's okay.

"Hey, Remus? You alright?" He murmurs gently. One of his hands goes to Remus' lower arm, the other pushing his hair back as he realises that Remus is sweating from the exertion. "We went a bit over. Remus?" Remus glances up, eyes meeting Sirius'.

Okay, he's definitely conscious.

"That was..." he looks away for a moment, Sirius pulling his hand away from Remus' head as he does that, eyebrows knitting together as he tries to figure out what Remus is going to say. "Amazing."

A relieved, overjoyed smile immediately finds its way onto Sirius' face, applauding as he stands.

"Fuck yeah! That was the best one yet!" He calls happily, turning and clapping Remus' shoulder, who's laughing along with him as James takes the belt off.

Remus Lupin.

How the hell had Sirius never heard of Remus Lupin?

[amyispxnk]

Chickenshit

Day 2 of my Halloweeny drabbles with Joel!

26/10: horror movie

Joel Miller x gn!reader

Word count: 895

Warnings: language, pet names (sweetheart, darlin')

Do not copy this work in any way, pls and ty

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Beep, beep, beep.

You opened the microwave door and took the bag of popcorn out, cursing quietly when the hot air grazed your hands.

You walked back into the living room to see Joel flicking through the TV channels to find a movie to watch. After setting the bowl on the small table in front of the couch, you sat beside him, tucking your feet beneath you and looking at him.

"So, what're we watching then?"

He turned back to face you before nodding his head towards the screen.

"Scream."

You raised your eyebrows at him with an unimpressed look on your face.

"Scream? We've all seen that like.. 20 times already. It's not even a horror film, just a whole lotta blood and death. Are you too chickenshit to watch anything that's actually scary? Hm, Joel? Too scared..?" You mocked in a playful tone. He glared at you, or tried to - he found it really hard to be truly annoyed at you - before handing you the remote.

"Fine, you pick somethin' scary. I bet ya 10 dollars you won't be able to sleep without me tonight you'll be so afraid."

"Challenge accepted." You replied, confident you'd be 10 dollars richer by the end of the night as you turned on The Ring.

-------

An hour later, you were petrified. You didn't want to look at the screen, but you couldn't tear your eyes away from it either, trying to catch the next jumpscare before it got you, failing miserably each time.

"Holy- Shit! Why are there so many jumpscares in this fuckin' film?!" You complained after what seemed like the ninth one in the past 20 minutes.

He just shrugged, smugness radiating from him as he watched you slowly get more and more freaked out, throwing more popcorn into his mouth. You reached for some more and pouted slightly when you realised he had finished the entire bowl.

"Joel.. did you seriously finish all the popcorn."

"'s not like you were eatin' any. Too scared shittin' your pants-"

"Go fill it up now." You cut him off as you handed him the bowl, eyes falling back to the TV, transfixed by the events playing out on-screen once again. He was about to tease you some more but decided against it, going to the kitchen and looking through the cabinets for the popcorn bag.

That was the last one.

"Sweetheart, 'm gonna go to the store real quick. Don't got any popcorn left." He called out from the hallway.

"Yeah, okay. Don't take forever." You responded as you heard the door close.

--------

15 minutes later, Joel still wasn't back and you heard something. A floorboard creaking. Probably nothing, the house is old anyways. The tap running. You needed to get it fixed, you'd tell Joel later. A crack, then a thud.

"Probably just a tree or something. Yeah. 's nothing." You quietly assured yourself, pulling the blanket tighter around your body, glancing around a bit before looking back to the screen. It was a quiet scene, nothing much was going on. Nothing much until-

The lights flickered in your house, again and again until they turned off completely.

"What the fuck.." You muttered under your breath, squinting your eyes to look through the darkness- the only source of light being the TV. When you looked back at it, the girl was fucking crawling through the TV and you nearly pissed your pants, jumping up and scrambling for the remote to immediately turn the film off.

Your shaky hands reached for your phone, pressing the button to call Joel, about to shout at him to hurry the fuck up because why was it taking so long for him to get some damn popcorn?!

Creeeeeeeaaaak.

You whipped your head around to the direction the noise came from before a pair of hands grasped your shoulders tightly.

You almost actually did piss your pants before the light turned on and you saw Joel's face staring back at you, shit-eating grin very evident on it. Grin which immediately disappeared when you accidentally smacked him across the face.

"Get the fuck off- Joel?" You stared at him, panting from the adrenaline coursing through your veins and watched as he broke out into laughter, doubling over at the sight of you gripping the remote and holding it in preparation to use it like a weapon, quivering with your eyes blown wide in fear.

"What. The fuck. Was that?!" You demanded, not amused like he was.

"That-" he began after a good thirty seconds of howling with laughter. "That was me being the king at scaring you, darlin'."

You threw the remote back onto the couch, before turning back to him.

"So that was all you? You- did you even get the popcorn?"

"I did not get the popcorn, but I don't think we'll be needin' any, considerin' you turned the film off."

You looked back to the TV screen, and yes you had turned it off, but you didn't want him to have the satisfaction. You were gonna finish the damn film, you weren't chickenshit.

"We don't need popcorn, but we're still finishing the film."

--------

He had to stay over that night because of how scared you were, jumping at every little noise that came from inside and outside your house.

Safe to say he didn't pull a stunt like that again.

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Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it <3 Comments, reblogs and hearts are always appreciated and requests are open! 💞

[danny-chase]

dickroy + 61 or 62? 👀

61. Fairytale

Roy's breath caught when he found Dick enshrined in the glittering glass casket. Wordlessly, he skimmed a hand over the fog obscuring Dick's face. His lips were red as blood, his hair dark as night, and his skin was pale as death. Roy ran a nervous hand through his hair. "I thought the spell didn't hit him." He confessed, looking down to Donna. She and the rest of the Titans had been transformed into the seven dwarfs.

"Of course it hit him." Kory chimed in, a bit too cheerfully. She quite literally couldn't frown, not with her namesake being Happy, and her expression looked a bit terrifying. "He was there with us."

"Then why's Dick..." Roy bit his tongue. Doc/Donna gave him a raised eyebrow. "I'm not. It's not going to work."

"It has to work." Donna countered. "It's part of the story."

"Dick wouldn't want it! It's a dumb story anyways, where's his agency in all of this?" He half remembered a rant from Ollie about Disney princesses and how all their problems were solved by men. "Why aren't we in Tangled or something, I liked that movie." He laughed nervously, feeling himself start to sweat.

"Take it up with the sorceress or Dick's brain." Vic sneezed messily after he finished talking. "I sure know I am, this is ridiculous-" He sneezed again. "-just because I have seasonal allergies doesn't mean-" He broke off into a sneezing fit.

"Dick doesn't even like me like that." Roy protested, as the others slid the glass case off.

"Yes. He does." The others all replied simultaneously. Gar, who couldn't due to his namesake, made a heart with his hands. Roy cringed. That namesake sure hadn't aged well.

"But-"

"Oh my gods, Roy, just kiss him so we can go home." Donna complained.

"We won't watch." Raven bashfully commented.

"You could try just taking the apple off." Garth yawned, before settling down for a nap. "I thought that's what actually solved the problem anyways."

Roy sighed and stepped forward as everyone politely looked away. Even in death, Dick looked stunning, and maybe some of that was due to the fairytale magic. "This feels wrong." He complained, as he parted Dick's lips, searching for that bit of apple. He couldn't find it.

"Look. There's a reason you're the prince." Donna pointed out, clearly peeking through her fingers. "If Dick didn't want to kiss you, it wouldn't have been you. You have to do what's in the story to progress the plot. He knew what he was doing when he bit the apple, he'll understand, just do it!"

"Fine!" It wouldn't work, he wasn't Dick's true love or anything like that. They didn't live in a fairytale and maybe that was the real intention of the curse all along. They'd be stuck here, in this moment, forever at an impasse, because Roy wasn't the prince that could make this work. He was quick with the kiss, just a short peck, but still, he saw the missing chunk of apple slip from Dick's lips. "You're shitting me." He muttered under his breath, as Dick's eyelids began to flutter. Well. He supposed it was just part of the story.

[cakeinpants]

Pat spent the rest of the day in his room. The room where he spent most of his "vacation". Despite having the keys, he really had nowhere else to go.

But now he at least had Kyung to talk to. Even after ending the phone call, the two friends kept exchanging messages all day.

On the contrary, he didn't hear anything from Maximus that day...

He showed up at the dancer's door late in the evening.

"Hey there.." The drone peaked in his room tentatively. "Hope I'm not disturbing... You weren't sleeping yet?"

"No.." sitting on the bed, the dancer answered blankly.

"Sorry I had to leave without wishing you good morning~ Wanted to check in on you sooner, but.. You know how it is being Delvona's assistant." The drone smiled casually, coming in. "How are you?"

"Im okay.. now." Pat said. He kept his eyes low, unable to look Maximus in the eye, sitting very still. It felt like his body froze in the presence of the drone.

"That's- good..." Maximus said less confidently. They stayed quiet for a moment, both waiting for each other to say something else.

"Any.. news?" The dancer said finally, still looking at the floor.

"News?"

"My brothers.. Mr. Malgaine.."

"Oh, right. Well... I didn't really have the time..."

He had all the time to drive around Nolybab yesterday though... Pat didn't say it out loud. But his thoughts must've reflected on his face.

"Look, I'm telling you it's just been a real busy day at work... But I'll take care of everything, I promise." The drone started reassuring. "I'll bring them to you. And your master.. I could get you a phone call with him! Would you like that?"

"A phone call?"

"Of course!.." he smiled softly. "As.. soon as it's possible. Hes uh- not exactly available right now.. but he'll be okay." The drone said vaguely.

"..Right.."

"Pat. I got you." Maximus said, sitting next to the dancer. "You don't need to worry about anything, alright?.."

Oh, how Pat wanted to believe that. It was almost tempting to give in to the soothing words just like he did before.. Just like he did last night.

"C'mon, look at me..." The drone reached his hand out to the danser's chin..

No!

Pat instinctively broke away from his hands. Maximus did get to see his eyes for a second. The dancer's look was full of repulsion.

"Wh-" The drone looked at him in surprise. "Why?.."

Pat hurriedly looked away. Of course, Maximus didn't even realise how the dancer felt about all this. It's not a big deal to him after all...

"What happened?"

"Nothing.." Pat didn't know why he said that. It was very obviously not true.

"You weren't so.. untouchable yesterday.."

"I wasn't sober either..."

The drone's expression darkened.

"... You regret it?"

Another long pause. Pat felt like all words were stuck in his throat.

"Well, say it. Why won't you say anything?"

They sat in silence for what felt like forever to the dancer.

"Tch-" Maximus moved away. "Like I don't know what's going on..." His voice was bitter, full of held back frustration. "People are in my bed for my money and connections all the time. You ain't unique. And you ain't special. If you play along cause you need shit from me, then don't complain about it later. I didn't force you to nothing." The drone got up. "You don't wanna see me? You won't see me again." And walked towards the door. "You can keep all the shit I gave you..."

The dancer's stomach went cold hearing those words, watching the drone leave. But he didn't say or do anything, sitting helplessly on his bed as Maximus closed the door behind himself.

Pat was on his own now.

[bengiyo]

Our Skyy 2 x Never Let Me Go Ep 1 Stray Thoughts

WELCOME BACK MY BOYFRIEND! I'm excited to see Jojo and friends have fun with these characters, and really glad we're starting with Never Let Me Go.

I like that we're going to see them a few years into the long distance romance.

Pick him up from the airport? The reason Pran almost killed Pat???

I love Nueng being grumpy as shit as soon as they get together.

Nueng is so valid for wanting Thai food when he goes home. I'm the same whenever I go back home after traveling.

Thank you to Suzuki for sponsoring this episode.

Love the unabashed product placement of Our Skyy episodes.

I like watching Nueng calm down after realizing that the only reason Palm was busy was because he was thinking about Nueng.

Palm can fight. This man is lucky he didn't get his ass beat.

I'm absolutely here for this soulmates plot.

I like how Pond and Phuwin face each other. They stand in each other's space in a way that feels like they're together.

Oh lord is Palm about to get beat up by a bunch of dudes again?

"Go back to the beginning," has worked its way into my brain forever because of the Digimon Movie.

Jojo loves Pawin and is going to put that boy in so many situations now.

Oh, "faen" being a modern word is actually fascinating, and now I need one of you who knows Thai to explain this history to the rest of us.

I like Pond's hair in the past.

Oh, pratfall kisses, how you make no sense to me.

I'm trying to understand how Thai people walked around tits out with all those mosquitoes. Like I am happy to look at Phuwin, but it looks like you would get EATEN UP by bugs.

Nuengdiao being smart and quick to adapt has always been one of my favorite things about him.

Palm reversing the breakfast dialogue, and Nuengdiao being charmed and annoyed is *chef's kiss*.

Would love to get an approximate year for when this is going down. It's making me think about the history of mosquito nets.

Petch (Pawin's character) is going to try to kill Nueng.

Phuwin is quite pretty with that umbrella.

They are having a lot of fun with the camera work for the imaginary photos.

Suddenly Marc. Are he and Pawin going to interact?

Oh, Nuengdiao, please don't be smarter than you're supposed to be. Still, they like showing off how talented Phuwin is, and I won't complain about that.

I AM HERE FOR THE SECOND CHANCE FOR MARC AND PAWIN.

There's some interesting ideas about seeing the same people in every lifetime.

What if we kissed in ancient times?

Palm is right to be frustrated that they might spend another four years apart.

I'm glad I didn't have to watch Phuwin's back get destroyed. As a black person, I'm not keen on seeing folks get whipped.

I'm having fun with this! I'm glad Jojo got to play around with a different setting, and I'm enjoying the role reversal.

[hermit-called-he]

STOP AND STARE

Today I watched you stop and stare at me 

Oh God it made me nervous as can be 

You've moved on, your girl was next to you 

A large part of me was satisfied that you saw I'm in the process of moving on too 

There you sat, on your little perch,

Clearly not fighting back an urge 

Did you really have to stare so much? 

Especially when you were the one who released me from your clutch?

I couldn't help but want to smirk 

When she asked you who I was 

I was fascinated that you ignored her for a bit, continuing to lurk 

I know you showed her something on your phone but I caught you staring more 

I caught it enough times to know it wasn't a faux pas 

Your intense gaze shook me to my core 

Maybe you didn't know it was obvious but my friend caught it too 

Perhaps you should be more careful who you choose 

Especially when you were the one that decided to let go 

You can't complain that I didn't go with the flow 

I know I was being loud, obnoxious 

Not my fault that the way you treated me was kinda toxic 

The vindictive part of me hopes you were displeased 

Unfortunately that feeling alone wouldn't help me feel eased 

Maybe you should think again before you stop and stare 

You were literally the one that said we were going nowhere 

So honest to God, fuck you you dumb bitch ass 

Meanwhile, I'll be trying to graduate middle of my class 

The angry part of me hopes this comes off bitchy,

That it gets under your skin and makes you feel itchy 

You're not worth my time

But if you're going to stop and stare,

Think about how terrible you spent mine 

There will come a day when neither of us will really care 

But to be honest? That day is dawning soon 

I am my own moon

And sun and stars

I am my own woman, I set my own bars 

I'll leave you with this, you piece of shit 

Maybe don't stop and stare at your supposed friends because that kinda ruins it? 

Just acknowledge that I'm there and go back to your table 

I'm sure that your girlfriend would find that agreeable 

Speaking of her, hopefully you treat her right 

Otherwise, I hope one of her friends punches out your light 

Unavailable, unemotional piece of garbage 

Don't you dare have the audacity to complain that empathy is in shortage 

I tried my best for you 

But apparently even half-hearted isn't something you can do 

I hope for the day that it's goodbye forever 

Because then I won't have to see you and feel under the weather 

Seeing you triggered an anxiety attack 

So honestly, thanks for that 

Are you proud of yourself for making a grown woman shake like a leaf? 

Does that make you feel all nice and sweet? 

Is that your little treat? 

I was so blind at how bitter your pill was 

My mind flew off like the house in Wizard of Oz

So hopefully this is goodbye 

I'm going to give the cold shoulder a try 

I don't need you or anyone else 

Especially when all I need is myself 

Okay, maybe I need my friends too 

But you have forfeited most of your place in that glue 

If you want your spot back, then you better work for it 

Because I don't plan on giving you shit

[grimescum-2]

quick collection of head canons for funsies :o3 i dont know if i've mentioned any of these before or not but oh well

- i think anderson would be the kind of guy to absolutely melt into any physical affection. like, imagine this big tall dude leaning down so u can hold his big ol face in yr hands

- i am going to preach about kittycoded anderson until the day i die. it literally makes so much sense he and alucard fight like cats and dogs

- anderson prays before he eats anything. if you eat over at his house u best believe he wants you to join him (he respects if you don't do that but why would u not want to? literally free opportunity to hold his hand) sourced from my christian ass family

- "jesus christ" "DON'T use the lords name in vain"

- walter tries to be modest with physical affection so he wouldn't really know what to do at first . i think he'd def prefer verbal affection, praise, stuff like that

- walter is naturally particular about details. perfectionist that won't stop until he gets it right, includes basic tasks like cleaning and cooking

- walter is homophobic /j /j /one of my friends said he looked racist and homophobic in the first anime

- although not really a music person, i think walter's fave genre would be swing or jazz. he was born back then right??$? i did the math at some point but i forgot

- i've said this before but I'll say it again for this post, walter def puts a lot of care into his appearance. probably has some kind of skincare routine. the bitch

- walter enjoys watching old black and white movies in his free time. def one of those old people who complain about modern technology and the newer generation. much less obnoxious about it though

- if you gave walter a phone and told him to open settings he would explode. if he called u successfully without breaking it he'd be all like "i did it :D!! i pressed ONE button!!" then proceeds to accidentally call you all the time

- walter takes forever to type, signs his text messages and though he uses proper grammar he has occasional spelling errors because he has no clue what he's doing

- seras uses emojis often + a lot of exclamation marks, occasional run on sentence. if integra texts at all it's always perfectly grammatically correct or, like, 1-2 sentences. if not a singular word. i'm weird abt how alucard would text because i really think he'd say shit like lol lmao w basic grammar (punctuation and shit) but also ehhh??

- "have you seen my monocle i cant find it" "its on your face" "Oh"

- walter hates being publicly embarrassed. gets red in the face really quickly

- i dont think alucard has a favorite genre of music but still enjoys seeing what people come up with. i do think he'd have a preference for alternative or experimental music

- alucard is the epitome of adhd in my mind because i imagine he's always bored and up to fucking something. he'll come into integra's room and stand around like an idiot until he realizes he forgot what he came there for and leaves. talks and laughs to himself like a WEIRDO

- being alive for so long i think alucard would've tried everything at least once. now hes bored of it all and doesn't really have any hobbies aside from stalking people

- alucard also melts into any physical affection but i think he'd be the kinda guy to physically grab your arm and put it around him or something

- i dont know if he would exactly but imo he'd at least think about putting a bunch of random shit in his mouth. imagine u give him a flower or something and he leans down and eats it

[etoilesbienne]

im going to be a lil ship hater for a moment but itll be a readmore so dw

i ammmm so not on the 4h bandwagon. first of all dont see the chemistry it does not a thing for me second of all it feels a little forced? like i feel so goddamn unsatisfied about the fight immediately resolving with a date like that. it was so anticlimactic... like sure the date was funny but it was like why are we doing this? what happened to the fun arc about revolting. ive been so fucking excited for a revolt arc !!! it had headway!

frankly in general im beginning to outright despise 95% of 4h fanwork because so much of it does not care about bbh as a character. like i know most people do not care about bbh outside of people who watch him directly but do you know how frustrating it is to have a really funny stubborn asshole of guy whos whole deal is that hes really sick of how people aren't treating him like a person get flattened into this lame obsessed with forever writing

i dont get mad at fandom like this usually i just complain about being vaguely annoyed!!!! but like!!!! im actually mad mad for once!!! i also dont fucking like this perception bbh fans are the root cause of all the drama when there's frankly only bbh fans collective as a large group on tumblr. that shit does not exist on twitter in NEARLY the same capacity. nor do i get why bbh fans aren't allowed to complain about people taking out shit on him or refusing to watch his povs (& then getting mad at his character for a completely understandable character move). like sue me! we all said at the start of the server everyone gets to be a main character we won't let dsmp happen again with people being relegated to side characters. And like. No we did do that. That happened again.

^ anyway before anything is said NO CC DESERVES HARASSMENT THIS IS JUST MY PERSONAL ISSUES IVE BEEN SEEING LATELY. also no hate to anyone who likes 4h if u like it u like it that's fine. i just don't. its a personal opinion.