#like how do i account for artefacts

[slava-the-stalker]

Working on a little Fallout crossover

[lennythereviewer]

My favorite Kingdom Hearts fact is that one of the biggest plot-holes that Nomura has never been able to meaningfully retcon or write his way out, a plot-hole so big that it fundamentally breaks the very rules the series is written on...

Is the existence of Steamboat Willie

Let me explain for the uninitiated:

In Kingdom Hearts 2, there’s a small detour in the story involving Maleficent trying to invade Disney Castle, the home of King Mickey. She can’t step foot in the castle due to an artefact of pure light that wards off darkness locked in the basement.

Pete, who is working for Maleficent, opens a door into the past (Before Disney Castle, this land was known as Timeless River) and decides to remove the artifact from it’s place in time so it won’t be there to stop them from getting in.

Sora, Donald, and Goofy chase Pete into the past thanks to another magic door provided by Merlin, and through some shenanigans involving old cartoons and teaming up with Pete’s past-self, they lock the door the villains are using, and return the artefact to it’s proper place so it can exist in the present.

You with me so far? Pretty straightforward-ish time-travel plot right?

Here’s where it goes off the rails.

Time travel would go on to become a staple of Kingdom Hearts going forward and would come with a very strict set of rules over how it operates:

1. You can only travel to a point in time where a version of yourself exists

2. You basically give up your body to do so, and travel as a disembodied soul unless you have a vessel to inhabit

3. You can’t alter the past in a meaningful way, what’s going to happen will happen

4. You lose your memories of said trip once you return, but your actions could leave a lingering instinct on your other self that could influence their decisions

“Wait” you may be thinking “Why should anyone go through all those hoops? Wasn’t time travel super simple that first time?”

And you’d be totally right, because the existence of Timeless River completely renders all of these rules and restrictions meaningless. 

There is no version of Sora that existed in Timeless River before he step foot there, everyone kept their bodies, the trio and Pete were able to mess with the timeline as freely as they pleased, and they all very much remember their trip. 

Nomura has never been able to meaningfully explain this super simple, easy way of time travel and the more convoluted method co-existing other than a cheap-throwaway line from one of the villains saying that Merlin “broke the rules” 

The hilarious part about this line is that it implies that PETE of all characters is actually more powerful than the actual villain of the series, because Pete opened a door into Timeless River through sheer willpower and nostalgia for “the good old days”

But the all-knowing chess-master of a villain who had an evil plan several decades in the making with countless moving parts and contingencies to account for had to use the roundabout, more complicated method of time travel where a lot could go wrong.

Pete though? Dude just casually broke all the rules of time travel because he felt like it. He's just built different.

TL;DR: Steamboat Willie breaks Kingdom Hearts lore in half, Pete is more powerful than Master Xehanort, and I fucking love this beautiful trainwreck of a series you guys it means so much to me

I love Kingdom hearts so much.

[alice-apparently]

I think Agent / Subject / Catalyst are the three categories [CAT 1-3] in the case numbers.

Bear with me.

So aside from the dates, the case numbers are split in 3 parts, right:

CAT 1-3 (rarely combination of 2 numbers) -> category

*R (-> rank) A/B/C (sometimes combination of 2 letters from ABC)

DPHW (4 digit number)

* the case numbers for episodes #3 and #4 don't have the R for some reason

This is very much taking into account/based on the stuff from the ARG klaus.xls document btw, which has these exact 3 columns & features some of the episodes' cases where these match up exactly with the case numbers. [if you're interested, it's #2 line 80; #3 line 64; #5 line 75; #7 line 77]

Both category and rank are divided into 3 options, with some exceptions of cases having 2 applied at the same time. So now episode 9 gave us another nice group of three. And I thought, hm, maybe those ideas, Agent, Subject, and Catalyst, could match up with one these as a classification of the cases. And I think it does.

Based on the cases we had so far, I think category 1 is Agent, category 2 Subject, and category 3 Catalyst.

In my tmagp paranoia document with all my notes, I made a table sorting the cases according to the categories for a better overview and to be able to maybe spot similarities:

Let me explain what I think the classifications mean.

1 - Agent.

That's the most self-explanatory one I think. I'm not the first to make the comparison between avatar and agent, and not the first to point out that Needles acts like a TMA avatar.

Agent then is an active purveyor of fear/terror. someone deliberatly acting in such a way to spread it, to scare people. It is the person themself directly and possibly willingly causing the 'unsettling experiences' and spreading fear. Needles is the prime example.

It doesn't work quite so well with #1A, but I'd say the "he" that she interacts with acts as an agent, with him luring her to the cemetary and the unsettling way he is described there, but more importantly, with the laughter that follows, that he seems to enjoy what's happening, her fear. Her fear that's caused by him.

2. Subject.

Subject I would describe with "being subjected to something" or that "something just happens". A subject to fear. Maybe as a victim of sorts, but that's not quite it. Anyway, I think the cases in category 2 group together easily:

What's interesting is that all of the cases feature in some way a person entering a space and being affected by it/by something in a certain space. Or at least it is centred on a certain space. they are subject(ed) to the space.

In #1B it's the TMI ruins, in #3 the garden, in #5 the cinema, in #7 the charity store, and in #8 the service station. The person in #8 himself blames it explicitly on the place, the architecture, on the space he entered.

3. Catalyst.

Catalyst, I would argue, means a moveable object that works to spread fear. That is, a person with a certain object--or artifact, if you will--working together: it's a person with the object as a catalyst, it's the object through a person spreading fear.

To put it more concisely, it's cases of a person carrying an artifact and through them, allowing the artifact to affect other people.

We have the violin and the dice in episodes #4 and #9. In both cases the people who pick them up spread harm/misfortune by using them. In both cases the person first harms themself before learning they can/how they can instead spread it to others.

In episode #1B, which was in both category 2 and 3, RedCanary takes that wooden box/old wooden thing home with them. And it's that box, taking that box, that's linked to what's happening to them. Or what they do afterwards. Because we don't actually know what happens to RedCanary or what RedCanary goes on to do afterwards. We've kinda assumed that they just die, but maybe not? Anyway, my point is, old wooden box thing = artefact/catalyst.

Episode #2 is the biggest hole in this theory I think. Without knowing I probably would've put it as category 1, agent, with Ink5oul as the agent. But instead it's rather that the tattoo acts as a catalyst, through the artist. So far it rather has seemed to affect the artist herself rather than other people through her, except for the confrontation with her roommate. But, as @amelie-isnt-french pointed out, we don't know what she moved on to do afterwards. Maybe it would go on to affect other people. Maybe she just hasn't learned how to do so yet.

Or maybe affecting other people is not even a criteria at all. Maybe it's enough that the artifact comes into contact with a person and affecting them.

I'm aware that this theory isn't without flaws; both cases in episode #1, and esp. #2 don't fit into this as well as the others. But I think it still works.

That being said, I can go even more crazy.

You know that other ARG document, the chdb.xlsx, with the list of the gifted children tested at the Magnus Institute, the one that features Sam and Gerry, the one that's possibly the one Sam mentions in episode #8 through which he found Gerry.

Now my question on looking at this document, or you know, one of my questions, was what does the chdb stand for. I figured db might probably be database. the c could be children, because that's who were tested and listed. but the h? I had the stray thought at some point that it might be host. which I found very unsettling, but also didn't really work as a whole, like "Children Host Data Base"? nah.

But what if the C is not for Children. What if it's for Catalyst. Because Catalyst Host Data Base suddenly makes a lot of sense. We know that the TMAGP Magnus Institute is interested in "supernaturally active items" as the episode 9 statement giver tells us. They have been collecting artefacts/catalysts. Cf. also that old wooden box RedCanary found in its ruins. So they might have in the children been looking for potential hosts for them.

[incorrect-riordanverse]

Can you explain Palestine vs Israel. I have done my own research and still do not understand. From my understanding Palestine attacked Israel first, and this war has been going on for so much longer than just now. So why is it suddenly so important and how is Israel in the wrong?? Genuinely trying to understand since you are spreading news of the Genocide on your page.

hey so i cant really explain all the complexities and details in a singular tumblr post. i dont really know how much research you did if october 7th is your earliest knowledge of ‘attack.’ israel has been an apartheid state since 1948 and during that year they were downright deplorable to palestinians to get them to be conpliant. nakba is probably the most notorious case but there is more.

this issue is important because this is the first time we see such atrocities in mainstream media and online. Its so oversaturated with suffering that it sets a precedent for how the world (the general public in particular) reacts outside of politicians and activists. will we continue to care when we see other people suffer, or will we grow numb and desensitised? it’s important we don’t lose our humanity like capitalist neoliberalism would prefer. just because we live comfortable lives, it doesnt mean we should be ignorant to those who are suffering. in fact, we should inspect ourselves and ask whether their suffering lends to our comfort and vice versa (it usually does). for instance, many western countries are profiting from this apartheid, hence their support.

i’m not going to list through everything (plus i myself don’t know everything) but i can tell you where to go, and hopefully some others can add on to it.

for israel’s crimes against palestine since october 7th on the account of genocide i feel like south africa has done an amazing job putting together documentations of evidence against them in the ICC. you can find the full thing on youtube or online. some of the crimes include bombing and stopping aid trucks from reaching gaza, preventing women from giving birth by bombing maternity wards, bombing hospitals (there are now 0 active hospitals in gaza, whereas before october there were 36. this info has not been updated in the case) to prevent civilians from getting life-saving treatment, psychologically tormenting civilians until they lose the will to live (particularly in children), and so on.

of course please pay attention to palestinian journalists within gaza specifically— they will show you firsthand whats happening. there’s many apart of al jazeera. al jazeera has also done some articles on the history for you. here is one on nakba. amnesty also did a good job on explaining what an apartheid is.

theres also quite a few independent ones that have become journalists through this attack from israel. bisan is one of them if youre active on tiktok. noor harazeen is a journalist on instagram.

here is a link on how israel funded hamas to rival the plo

here is al jazeeras article on the cultural genocide of palestinians through bombing ancient historical sites and artefacts.

kind of seperate to all that but still related is how support for palestine affects other people. people are losing the jobs over supporting palestine (such as melissa barrera in scream). yemen, another third world country who has been going through crises such as food insecurity for years, has been suspended aid by the UN because it has been aiding palestine throughout the conflict.

The UN in general has been useless about calling for a ceasefire. The United States vetoed during a UNSC meeting because the USA sucks ass. you can look any of this up and they will come with multiple sources im just too tired to find something rn (i’m currently on vacay and heavily sleep deprived).

also general advice to not ask a percy jackson account but an account dedicated to spreading information on the palestine-israel apartheid because they would be able to help you more. yes, ive talked about it on this account but that doesnt mean i’m qualified to explain 75 years of oppression.

[patchwork-crow-writes]

Possessed by Grief - an essay on MyHouse.pk3

Here's that essay on MyHouse.wad I've kept threatening to drop like a big anvil, which I definitely did not forget about for like a month :P Seems like an opportune moment to publish it, what with all the recent influx of interest in the game - and so I present some more of my thoughts on this masterpiece. Enjoy :)

MyHouse.pk3 is a game about grief.

It is a game about nostalgia and regret, obsession and devotion, confusion and despair. A game that asks if it's ever possible to escape grief's clutches, or if each apparent success only makes the net close tighter around us. A game that compels us to seek answers, and provides only further questions.

This is also a game about love, and how grief scrunches it up impossibly small and stretches it out impossibly thin, as we are forced to reckon with what this person really means to us, what impact they've had on us, and how we can possibly continue to exist in this world without them.

It is by all accounts a common thing for prospective modders to recreate their own houses, or those of their relatives, as part labour of love, part test run for future projects, part rite of passage. I imagine that playing through one is akin to a virtual property tour, with added demon killing and grunting. And perhaps this was all MyHouse.pk3 was ever meant to be - just another map of just another house, albeit uploaded as a tribute to its original owner who passed on.

What we get instead… is nothing short of an electronic manifestation of grief itself. The house changes as we play, as demons thought vanquished return stronger than ever. New hallways jut out at impossible angles while old doorways vanish into thin air. We wander through wildly different versions of the house's floorplan - a brutalist office block that changes in size, a perpetually-flooded bathhouse suspended in an eeriely tranquil skybox, an abandoned daycare falling into disrepair, an empty airport devoid of life, adjoined to a bathroom with a bloody secret. Mirrors become portals to alternate versions of the same house, where everything is the same except reversed. You jump out of a plane and seemingly wake up back at the house, but time has passed and everyone has moved on and the one thing you thought a concrete certainty ("Safe as houses", so the saying goes) is literally sold off behind your back and you turn around and there's nothing there anymore, it's just gone.

No-one asked you. You did not consent to any of this, and yet it has happened all the same.

And life ticks on and you try to move on but you can't. Even the Underhalls, Doom II's second level, provides only temporary respite, as you are immediately spat back out right where you began, and the whole process starts over.

THIS is what grief does to someone. It freezes you in time, folds your mind into endlessly recursive origami shapes that loop on themselves again and again, removes an old keystone from the bridge of your psyche before stepping back to watch the structure slowly crumble to ruins. You flail helplessly as you are caught between trying to invoke what you've lost in meaningful objects and places, and tossing everything aside and trying to escape into some new, different reality. The past contains bittersweet memories of happier times you can never return to, while the future promises nothing but a bleak pseudo-existence utterly devoid of meaning. You cannot go back. You cannot move forward.

And all the while, you torment yourself with the same questions, over and over and over: Why did this happen? What do I do now they're gone? Could I have changed something? Could things have been different, if I had just been kinder/braver/better/gentler/more attentive?

Grief haunts MyHouse. It is the unseen hand that shapes the world and all the artefacts scattered throughout it. It is the force that compels Steve to continue adding to it, convinces him that only he can do what is needed, and he becomes as dependent upon the map to frame his loss as it is dependent on him to shape it. There are no ghosts or demons, no supernatural forces at play here - just one person trapped in his despair and loneliness, pouring everything he has into the one last thing that connects him to his dead friend. And in the finished map, we see exactly what Tom was to Steve, just how precious and irreplacable of a friend they were to him, just how fathomless his depth of feeling for them. So deep that Tom may very well be "the only person I [Steve] ever loved."

Grief and love are intertwined, they cannot be teased apart. The deeper and more profound the love for someone, the greater the agony experienced when they are taken from you. For Steve to have constructed such an elaborate, multifaceted, labyrinthian space, and to have done so deliberately as a trubute, it becomes increasingly obvious that he was motivated by a love and a grief so abyssal and all-consuming that there was no-one and nothing he valued more in life - to the point where it must have seemed that he, too, had died alongside his friend.

This house and all of its impossible multitudes is a digital mausoleum, built not so much for a person as for a relationship, dedicated to stupid in-jokes and childhood traumas and painful secrets, plagued by a burning love that cannot be spoken yet has to be expressed lest it destroys the one who harbours it. It stands as proof that Tom existed, that the bond they shared was real. And through all the confusion, the hopelessness and the heartbreak, a way forward begins to emerge.

Grief never truly goes away, is never truly "beaten" as a video game final battle may be. But it does become easier to navigate, its twists and turns becoming more familiar with each pass, with each story shared between others who are struggling alongside us. Contentment can be reattained. Life does, indeed, go on. Love is not negated by death, but endures forever in how we choose to honour those who are no longer with us.

Thanks for reading.

[lulublack90]

Prompt 14 - Choice

@jegulus-microfic March 14 Word count 665

Previous part First part

Because Regulus didn’t need to get Remus back to the pack, they found themselves with a bit of free time. When Evan offered for them to all stay over if they wanted, his father was apparently in Romania for Voldemort and wouldn’t be back until the following week. 

Sirius and Remus instantly took him up on his offer and barely had time to say goodnight before Sirius dragged Remus out of Evan’s room and into another bedroom.

Barty looked at the clock on Evan’s bedside table. 

“They do realise it’s only 5 o’clock, right?” 

“I don’t think they care.” Evan snorted. 

“Well, anyway, what information have you found?” Regulus asked, trying to steer the conversation away from what his brother might be doing in the other room. James saw the grimace that had crossed his face and slipped out to put a silencing charm on their room as yet again Sirius and Remus had neglected to do so. 

He slipped back into Evan’s room just as Evan began telling them what he’d discovered. 

“Thank you,” Regulus whispered as he slid his hand into James’s and squeezed gently. 

“So, I managed to find out where he went after he left Hogwarts. He went to work at Borgin and Burkes for a while and then completely disappeared.”

“We went to the shop and basically charmed the pants off old Borgin, and he told us something very interesting.” Barty took over.

“Riddle, by all accounts, was a model employee, but then one of their best customers was found dead, and her house elf blamed for it.” Regulus had opened his mouth to complain about that. House elves couldn’t hurt their masters. It was all a part of the magic’s that bound them. “Yes, Regulus, we are well aware of House elf rules. However, the same day she was supposed to have died, Riddle handed in his notice and disappeared off the face of the earth.”

“But, Burgin also mentioned to us just as we were leaving that a priceless artefact went missing at the same time, and he’s convinced that Riddle took it.” Barty was grinning now. 

“Go on, what was it.” James had taken a step towards Barty, completely drawn in by their story.

“Helga Hufflepuffs cup.” Barty finished with absolute glee in his eyes. “Slytherins locket and Hufflepuffs cup. I bet MV turned it into a Horcrux as well, and my money’s on he found something of Ravenclaws and Gryffindors as well.” 

“What’s MV?” Regulus asked, his brow furrowed as he tried to work it out. 

“Mouldy Voldy!” Barty cackled at them. The other boys ignored Barty and looked at each other excitedly. They might not know where the Horcruxs were, but at least now they had an idea of what they were looking for. 

“I wonder what Ravenclaw has,” James said. “Gryffindor had a sword, but Ravenclaws a mystery to me.” The others turned to James.

“A sword?” Regulus said. “How do you know that? Do you know where it is?” 

“He has it in his portrait. But it’s been lost for hundreds of years.” 

“Just like Slytherin’s portrait in our Common room. Perhaps Ravenclaw has whatever her thing is in the Ravenclaw Common room.” Regulus mused aloud. He had a choice to make now of which artefact they tracked down next. Pandora came floating in, coming to stand beside her brother. 

“Ravenclaw had a diadem.” She said breezily.

“Pandora, how is it that you always turn up just when we need you?” Evan sighed. It had been the same story his entire life.

“Because I’m smarter than you.” She smiled as she kissed his cheek. 

“Do you know where it is?” Regulus asked, watching Pandora closely. 

“You might want to talk to the grey lady.”

“The ghost?” James looked confused. “Why would we want to talk to her?”

“Because,” Pandora rolled her eyes as she stretched out her hand and patted Barty’s hair flat. “She’s Helena Ravenclaw. Rowen Ravenclaw daughter.” Four mouths dropped open.  

Next part

[shootingcookielover]

Ducktales 2017 Dystopia Alternate Universe

After losing Della to space, Scrooge 180's into taking over the world to keep people safe from adventuring. (Yeah, u can imagine bradford's reaction xD)

This, surprisingly enough, doesnt necessarily change a lot for ur average, non-magical entity.

But now magically inclined people, to fully magic people r being hunted/locked up/etc.

Beakley, with Webby in tow, leaves the manor as soon as she realizes what he's doing. She tries to return to SHUSH, to warn them, do anything - but it's too late. SHUSH is already in Scrooge's hands.

While trying to evade shush/fowl/scrooge to protect her granddaughter and maybe start a resistance or something against mcduck's regime, she runs into a homeless teenager who is being hunted as well. Because she is a purely magical entity and thus entirely too dangerous.

This, of course, is Lena. (I'm assuming Lena doesn't really... Age? Considering that Magica made her when she was imprisoned and that was, presumably, a while ago lol)

They end up helping/covering for each other, to stay safe. Lena and Webby r basically siblings lol

They eventually find that there is a rebellion, a resistance, trying to fight against the grip mcduck has on the world and the discrimination against magical creatures. Who is leading this rebellion?

Glittering Goldie O'Gilt, baby! I just think she'd make a great rebel leader, especially when she realizes how utterly insane Scrooge has gotten.

She's not just doing this for the world, she's hoping she can maybe punch some sense into scrooge after taking him down.

Donald Duck, meanwhile, has no clue what's going on, not really. Being neither a magical entity nor really still in the adventuring business, Scrooge's changes haven't really affected him much - besides, he has the boys to take care of.

(aside from that weird letter from storkules; but that's probably nothing.)

The boys eventually need a babysitter. During their time at the mansion - a strangely empty mansion, mind you, with no magical artefacts, no mementos to old adventures - they end up finding that prophecy abt atlantis. (Or something like that.)

Cue Scrooge's driver, Launchpad "I'm a pilot" McQuack who has exactly zero qualms taking three boys on an adventure in a submarine.

I dont think Donald would still work with Glomgold in this instance - maybe instead he unknowingly hired on to the rebellion or smth? Either way, atlantis shenanigans happen.

The rebellion people donald works for - Beakley, probably, maybe even Webby is there - tell donald he shouldn't return to his uncle with the boys, but donald just rolls his eyes and insists they need to take accountability. Also scrooge needs to take accountability for putting them in danger in the first place.

Scrooge is not happy to find out that his nephew and his nephews went out adventuring. He fires Launchpad on the spot. (Launchpad def gets hired by the rebellion later)

But also, he wants to imprison the boys - for their own good, of course. Adventuring is dangerous and such dangerous inclinations cannot be allowed to run wild among the populace.

Donald (obviously) does not like this.

He tries to bust them all out (the boys are very surprised/impressed at Donald's fighting ability) but of course he hasnt done anything like this in years, he's rusty. And his uncle knows him well enough to counter him.

The sentence "I thought you'd know better, Donald, I really did. Especially after what happened to your sister." Falls at some point.

Lucky for the duck boys, Webby convinced Beakley to trail them, so now we get agent 22 busting them out! Yay! Except she gets taken prisoner in the process! Oh no!

The ducks find Webby who is, understandably, very upset at having her grandma taken, but also understands that the five of them have no chance of busting her out. So, she takes them back to the rebellion.

A rebellion probably consisting of like, Goldie (duh), Lena, maybe some of the Beagle Boys? There was that one magician beagle boy so i'm assuming he at least is there, and some other assorted magical/dangerous people/creatures. B.O.Y.D. probably, too, actually. I'm imagining Gyro got locked up - if only due to his, yknow, building B.O.Y.D. in the first place.

Oh, and once della comes back from the moon she's most definitely not teaming up with scrooge - something that really makes scrooge think i'd imagine. May even trigger his eventual redemption arc? Though having him as a villain through the whole thing could also be fun tbh

This is all i have so far tbh, but feel free to take the concept and run w it if u wanna, i had a blast coming up w even this much tbh xD i'd love to see other people take a crack at it (or expand it even!) so like, it's free real estate (just tell me if ur doing anything w this, i wanna see that lol)

[yanfeisty]

Oh, my bad! I read the general rules! I'm so sorry that's my mistake, but thanks for explaining again!

So, I'm gonna try here, how about Itto and Zhongli with J and P? They are my faves ; v ;

—  LETTERS  : Jealous = How jealous do they get if you gave more attention to someone else on your team? |Protective = How protective are they?

—  CW :  None.

⠀‣ Itto Jealous

. Itto turning jealous is like the stages of grief, first he'll be in denial, you just want to play with new characters, that's all you'll get back to him when you see how weak they are compared to him even with his artefacts. Then slowly anger comes out, you're passing too much time with them, he wants to fight! He also would like to have his weapon and artefacts back. He'll start to think how could he get you back, isn't he strong enough? That's impossible, but he can try to do bigger numbers. It follows with him being sad because you don't want to play with him anymore and he realized that, but even his members can't confort him, he lost his game battle even more than before. He just wants to have you back again with him.

⠀

⠀‣ Itto Protective

. He is very protective of you, no one better dares to try to hurt his onikaboo boo, or they'll find their face in his claymore. If you mess with an Arattaki member you mess with him, he wants to protect everyone around him. Whenever for some reason he can't be with you (jail time) his members will be here for you, Itto got total confidence in them even if in reality they are too clumsy and you would get in less danger without them. He also won't hesitate to act as the "scary red oni" to scare others away.

⠀

⠀‣ Zhongli Jealous

. Over the centuries, Zhongli learned to controll his emotions and pride, being the collected man we know today. Then, perhaps it's the dragon inside of him who feels sour when he sees you changing him for another person or taking away everything you gave him for another, he won't show his disatisfaction as he remains calm and it would be childish of him to complain to you for a such insignificant issue, or be mad at the other person who stole your focus. He'll just have to wait for his turn again.

⠀

⠀‣ Zhongli Protective

. You're his most precious treasure, that he made a personal contract to protect. You would think he be overprotective with his immortal life of watching each of his friends die, but he knows boundaries and suffocating you with his presence would remove your right to be free, he doesn't want to make you feel sick of him, however, there's still some trauma left and fear inside him that one day he won't be here to protect you, but this day won't come any soon as Rex Lapis watches over you.

© ་ ׅ : pls don't translate or copy this | don't reblog with yand3r3/cult tags or if you’re a yand3r3 blog/reblog account.

[fandomtrxsh19]

I present to you...

BG 3 Companions (+ Others) as Sonic Adventure 2 Snapcub fandub quotes

Astarion: Talk about a low budget flight! No food or movies? I'm- (Gale peeks out of the doorway) Gale?! What are you doing here?

Karlach: You need to go back home. (Karlach jumps off of a cliff with her axe that just appeared) I have a suspicion you left the oven oooooooooooooonnnnnn!

Gale: Please. Stop. Your mother would be very disappointed.

Astarion: The password is "eat my asshole".

Shadowheart: Awwwwwwww, that's not an actual passwooooooooord....

Astarion: And my social security is 69.

Wyll: DRAMA DETECTED. BLOCKING ACCOUNT.

Dame Aylin: I miss my wife, Shadowheart. I miss her a lot.

Karlach: Did we ever establish our names? Hi, I'm Karlach!

Wyll: No. Nice to meet you. I'm Wyll. Ow.

Karlach: Sorry for hitting you so much. It's just... it's part of the narrative. Wham!

Shadowheart: I'm taking over Victoria's Secret, I'm taking over Best Buy, the news is MINE, and everyone else can leave! You see that PLANET!? I'M TAKING IT TOO!! It looks like a fucking WALNUT!

Minthara: Fuck you, Moon! You never had the cheese I wanted!

Lae'zel: I hope you're ready to die, It's gonna be like Evangelion. Get the fuck out.

Karlach: Whoa...

Astarion: That is like, Evangelion or some shit man, that is crazy. Anyway.

Wyll: Wait a minute, I have an epiphany!

Karlach: Wait, what's-

Gale: Let's go!

Karlach: What's an epiphany?

Gale : How do you think I feel being CUCKED by a HEDGEHOG?

Shadowheart : Well, it might upset you to know that I also fucked your wife. [pulls out artefact] 

Karlach: AND SHE HAD AN ARTEFACT IN HER VAGINA?

Lae'zel: Good job.

and last, but certainly not least

Lae'zel : I've come to make an announcement: Shadowheart's a bitch-ass motherfucker. She pissed on my fucking wife. That's right, she took her istik fuckin' quilly dick out.-and he pissed on my fucking wife, and she said her vagina was "THIS BIG", and I said "That's disgusting!" So I'm making a callout post on my Twitter dot com. Shadowheart, you got a small vagina! It's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller! And guess what? Here's what my vagina looks like!  That's right, baby! All points, no quills, no pillows, look at that, it looks like two balls and a bong! She fucked my wife, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck Faerun! That's right, this is what you get, my SUPER LASER PISS! Except I'm not gonna piss on Faerun, I'm gonna go higher. I'm pissing on the MOON![ HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, SHAR? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT!  You have 23 hours before the piss DRRRROPLLLETS hit fucking Faerun! Now get out of my fucking sight, before I piss on you too!

[avatar-of-the-blank]

ok but like- where IS Micheal

What'd you do to them !? >:(

They're still in the corridors - More specifically, we've found a way to contain her door in artefact storage. It was a hard process, but it shouldn't be long until I figure out how to.. do SOMETHING with this account. I've found myself scrolling for hours just taking in information...

[dracomort]

Hi :-) can I ask 7, 19, 22, and 29 (or if that’s too many, then whichever is most interesting to you!)

Ship Ask Game (answering for The Travelling Cabinet universe Taco).

Thank you for your ask! I'll answer 7, 22 and 29 for this one.

7. Who is the more romantic one?

Draco is by far the more classically romantic person. He loves the idea that he fell in love with the first person he met in the 40s (just... doesn't love the reality that it was literally Voldemort), and he adores the thought of being both the giver and receiver of grand acts of romance. His problem is that he knows Tom would find such gestures stupid, wasteful and suspicious.

Part of maturing for Draco is recontextualising what 'romance' is beyond the saucy novels he pinched off his ex-girlfriend as a fifteen-year-old. Once he realises that someone committing a massacre for you is, in fact, a grand act of romance, and that stealing significant artefacts for your significant other is their idea of peak romance, he'll be a lot more satisfied 😌. And once Tom realises Draco wants flowers pinched from the Hogwarts greenhouses, there will be no unhappiness in their relationship on that front.

22. How do they apologize after arguments?

Both of them are terrible at apologising. Which is good, in a strange way, as in that regard there's no imbalance.

Tom doesn't tend to take Draco's tantrums seriously because drama occurs with him on a daily basis. If the upset continues for more than a day or two, then he'll actually start trying to solve the problem. If the problem is unsolvable—like, 'i'm upset that you're not upset that a theoretical future version of you did X'—then he draws a blank. Mostly he waits till Draco forgets he's angry. Draco is the quick-to-boil, quick-to-cool type of kettle. He likes to give the silent treatment but can never maintain it for very long because he enjoys the sound of his own voice too much.

I've been trying to think of a scenario in this universe where Tom would expect an apology, but none have sprung to mind. He's got a high tolerance for Draco's brand of annoying, having spent seven years with spoilt, stuck-up purebloods for housemates, and besides that, I don't see Tom putting much stock in apologies. Actions over words.

29. What is something they can never agree on? How do they meet in the middle?

So, there's the obvious one—the just and humane way of disposing of Muggles. Tom's views are utterly unaltered, no matter how much other growth he might have done over the course of the fic. Draco, having gained perspective and maturity from 1) seeing Muggles tortured to death at the Manor, and 2) actually meeting and talking to them through his adventures in the 40s, is less keen on the 'slaughter them all' strategy. However, he has zero chance of ever convincing Tom, because Tom (rightfully) believes Draco knows nothing about Muggles compared to him.

Now, moving on from homicide to a very mundane couple problem—I think they'd have irreconcilable differences in their attitudes toward managing finances. Tom has the penny-pinching financial anxiety of a poverty-stricken Great Depression orphan, Draco has the carefree spending habits and inability to budget of any filthy rich pureblood. Once Draco finishes his traineeship, probably the healthiest way forward for them is a joint account for expenses and separate savings accounts 🤣

[everythingblackblack]

Do you have any ideas on Kaito and Akako's powers? She mentions that no man can resist her charm but statistically speaking not all men can be straight and even girls seem to find her beautiful and have a generally good impression of her (though I'm a big fan of bi or lesbian Aoko), in 'Please be my prisoner' she wonders if Kaito is a child but I doubt she'd be so worked up if it was normal for her powers to be weaker on late bloomers seeing as her main influence is on high-schoolers still going through puberty. Immun ity because they like someone else doesn't quite work either. What do you think her powers include? She makes potions and uses magic circles, crystal balls and seems to have contracts with demons and can fly a broom. Her Cleopatra tiara implies she can utilise relics/artefacts for their powers. I love Asexual and Aromantic Kaito, but the angst potential of pandora Kaito is great and it makes more sense for Kaito to have strong magic or a different colour of magic that deflects hers maybe. Them working together beyond Akako giving cryptic prophecies makes sense because Kaito need more info on magic beyond his dad's unhelpful post-death mentions (Akako being angry at Kaito's dad for teaching him that magic doesn't exist when he himslef was involved with magic-users) due to the nature of Pandora and I think despite being 'natural enemies' he's fine with using her magic so long as it doesn't do more harm than non-magical means and will gladly use his magic tricks to help her with the supernatural side of things when he can (Kaito proving an endangered mythical being doesn't exist to protect it).

First of all, you have my eternal love, the person I mentioned 'Please be my prisoner', it's my favorite character song. Okay, I'll break down your questions. Well, we don't really have much information about Akako's magic, but that hasn't stopped me from rambling on about it either. Personally I had fun at first assuming that the reason Kaito wasn't affected was because he was so gay for Shinichi. My favorite headcanon is Kaito Bi, but I can understand the aromantic Kaito headcanon, it would make sense that he wouldn't be affected by the spell if that were the case.

I have to tell you that I have a tendency to lean towards more fun and chaotic scenarios than logical ones, so my brain can't help but take what you've told me and turn it into fun angst.

Can you imagine if Akako's magic worked on gays? How crazy and stressful that would be? I can just visualize some random guy seeing her and falling in love with her and think of everything it took for him to figure himself out so that he ended up liking women!

I have no idea how it translates into English, but in Spanish we have a word called "amarre" (binding spell), it's a spell that witches often use to bring two people together, usually it's because one of the parties doesn't want to let the other go, doesn't take their opinion into account and forces them to be with her by force. Witches often recommend not using it, because the person resists the spell and by doing so begins to change their personality and way of being, they can become violent and even abusive with their "love interest", "amarre" never end well.

There is also another thing called "Endulzamiento" which is what I think Akako might use, it's not to make people fall in love, rather, it's to make someone feel attracted to you.

Although, Akako also makes me think of the Greek goddess Aphrodite or Medusa herself, only instead of turning people into stone, they fall in love with her. Personally, I had just assumed that Kaito was maybe just immune because he also had magic or some gene that repels magic, but who knows. About Akako's general powers, it seems that she may have telepathy because she talks to Kaito in his mind, pyrokinesis because she sets the magic circle on fire and also electrokinesis because she shoots lightning at him. Maybe even telekinesis, she's so amazing.

I definitely think Akako would be mad if she got the whole story of why Kaito became KID, she's shown that she cares about Kaito.

One of the reasons I really like the Akako x Kaito is because Akako can give him all the information about magic that he doesn't have, maybe she even knows about pandora.

I haven't seen almost anyone mention it (skipping the fanfics), the fact that pandora isn't the only magic Jewel and that Akako uses magic artifacts, could give a clue that she's the key to find it.

[bastetwastaken]

Another WIP? From me? Who'd have thought it.

This time it's not romance though, so there's that, right?

........

She put me in the worst spot imaginable. The woman who appears to run this…place.  

She put me right in the corner of the window which faces out onto the street, under an old item of some sort of clothing which I'm sure is a hat…it probably smells dusty. 

I think this place is some sort of shop, I know that people come in here and exchange money for goods, so it must be. 

I wonder if I have a price. 

I hope I’m expensive. I certainly feel as if I should be. 

Anyway, I digress. My point is that I'm sitting in the least advantageous spot in this entire world and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. 

I used to be worshipped. I used to be adored. I led an entire civilisation to prosperity and for them, I gave my life. That much I have gathered over the years with the help of the occasional receptive host. 

My journey has not been a glamorous one by any means, but it has led me here and I must hope that it means something if I am to get through this. 

I was taken from my homeland hundreds of years ago by tomb robbers. They disturbed my sleep with their harsh words and actions, they desecrated the sanctity of whatever place I was residing in. They shoved me into an old sack and carried me to some other place I didn’t quite get to see before I was packed tightly into a box of other stolen artefacts and moved once more. 

I travelled for a long time, I’m unsure of exactly how long, but eventually I came to the home of a very stuck up man who mistreated many of those around him. He was receptive to me but I could not use him as my host fully. 

He wasn’t right. 

His dark soul wasn’t open enough to sharing a body with another. So I gave up on that pretty quick. Instead I tried to focus on his housekeeper. 

She was a lovely woman, too pure and kind hearted to be working for someone like him, but she did a great job…and if I helped her by occasionally using her boss to increase her pay little by little then it is what it is. 

Not that she ever knew that was what had happened. She only knew that her bank account suddenly looked significantly healthier and she could suddenly afford to live much easier. However she never heard my pleas, never realised I was trying to talk to her. 

Perhaps she was too pure to be receptive to someone like myself…

I wish I could have done more with that man's fortune but he was stubborn. I could only maintain control over him for short periods of time…but luck was on my side it seemed when he was found at the centre of a million dollar fraud scheme and lost everything. 

His possessions were taken from him and I was among them. 

It was a relief honestly when the kind housekeeper stopped by the box filled room I was being kept in and decided to take me with her. I thought she had finally heard me, that I could use her as my host. 

I was wrong. 

The kind housekeeper took me to another place where a balding man inspected me. He opened the container I reside in and tipped out the contents. I felt as if my soul lay scattered across the table before him but all he saw was a complicated puzzle, a mess of shapes which made no sense because he was not the one I was looking for. 

He told the woman I was a worthless trinket. Just some strangely complicated and expensive jigsaw that no one had bothered to solve. He told her that he could only offer her a small sum of money to take me off her hands. 

I begged her not to accept, to keep me with her instead of leaving me there but she either didn’t hear me, or didn’t care. 

She left me there and the pieces of my soul were scooped up roughly and dropped back into the box I still reside in now, placed upon a shelf and never looked at again. I slept for a long time, I spoke to no one, I didn’t even bother trying to feel out my surroundings. 

I suppose you could say I was moping, but in my defence, thousands of years with no real meaning to your existence and no idea what to do will wear a spirit down. 

I continued to wallow in silence, embrace the darkness I found myself in and told myself I was perfectly content with that. 

That was until the woman who put me here found me. 

She paid for me with a handful of coins and took me away from that place but I never tried to speak to her. I didn’t feel like it after so many years of disappointment. 

Now here I sit, in the corner of a window of some sort of shop for lost things. 

I have no idea how long I've been here, no idea how much longer I may have to sit and wait…for the right person, someone perceptive enough to hear my plea.

So I wait. 

Each day I watch people pass, some stop to look, but none of them hear me. I have no idea how much longer I can do this, but somewhere inside me I know that I must. 

I know that I will find that person one day, that I will once again have a purpose to fulfil, that the world will need me once again. 

But until then I must wait.

[sniperjade]

What Will Your Pleasure Be?

When Hermione got home at the end of the following week Varek was lounging on her couch, a bored expression on his face as he lazily flicked through a book. She rolled her eyes when she realised exactly which book it was: “The Hunt for Horcruxes: How Dark Magic Led to Voldemort's Fall”. A fanciful and highly over-exaggerated version of events.

Hermione groaned as she threw her bag down on the table by the door. “Do you have to read that?”

Varek looked up, his handsome face pensive. He held the book out toward her. “Apparently, you’re a big deal.’

Rolling her eyes, Hermione snatched the book off him and began reading the page he was on. “The intrepid heroes gathered together to watch Harry Potter, the saviour, in his final battle against Voldemort.” She made a sound of disgust. “What utter wank.”

Varek sat up and looked at her intently. “So that book is not a true account of events?”

Hermione sighed. “It’s relatively factual. It just glosses over how harrowing it all was with all the death and fear. Voldemort wasn’t some bumbling two-bit villain. He was brilliant. Everything I read pointed to the fact that he was a genius, and if it wasn’t for the deterioration of his mind into megalomaniacal madness, I doubt we ever would have won.”

Varek’s eyes widened for a moment. “His mind deteriorated?”

Hermione nodded. “It had to have. It’s the only thing that explains how different he was from the first wizarding war to the second. In the first, he would have won had it not been for Lily and Harry. In the second he made so many mistakes. He couldn’t even kill Harry when he was eleven.” She tilted her head. “Shouldn’t you know all this? I thought you had all these world bending, all knowing powers?”

Varek clenched his jaw. “It doesn’t work that way. I can only access them if you make a wish.” He stood up, and walked toward her until he was leaning over her, taking a curl that had fallen from her braid and curling it around his finger. “Speaking of wishes. Have you put any thought into what you would like to do with yours?”

Hermione rolled her eyes. “Varek. I have no intention of making any wishes. That would be completely unethical.”

Varek shrugged. “What do you owe those staid ministry buffoons? None of them managed to activate me in over forty years.” He smiled, his tone turning honeyed. “Don’t you deserve it?”

Hermione put her head in her hands. “Varek, I am not in the mood to deal with your seductions today. It has been a trying week.”

When she lowered her hands, she caught the tail end of a smile fading from his face. “You think I’m seductive?”

She let out a sound of frustration and walked into the kitchen to make herself some dinner. As she began loudly slamming ingredients on counters and wielded a particularly sharp knife, he came in with his hands raised.

“Sorry. I take your point.” He slid into one of the bar stools up against the counter and laid his face in one hand. “Spill. Tell me about your day.”

Hermione sighed again. “It’s just that Draco Malfoy is an absolute arse who almost got us both killed last week, and I sort of felt that he wasn’t quite so bad after that. He seemed so – vulnerable and I thought he was changing but then after that visit to The Room of Paths Not Taken, he turned back into a prat.” She punctuated the point with a stab of her knife.

Varek tilted his head. “Draco Malfoy. Wasn’t he a Death Eater? I wouldn’t have thought you’d have anything to do with him.”

Hermione waved the knife around for emphasis. “It’s complicated. Back then he was just a dumb kid who was threatened and coerced. Now he’s all repentant in the media and has this lovely wife who I genuinely like. Regardless of all that, I need his help with this artefact at work, so I have to spend time with him. It doesn’t stop me from wanting to stab him in the face.”

She stabbed at the carrot she was cutting up and blew her hair out of her face. “I am trying to be nice and work together and he just throws it in my face. It’s like he trying to get me worked up.”

A ghost of a smile passed over Varek’s face. “Maybe he is. Tell me. Do you find him attractive?”

Hermione dropped the knife with a clatter. She was instantly reminded of all the possibilities she had seen in the room. A hundred lifetimes where she ended up with Malfoy and only Malfoy. She could still remember how he felt when he was in her arms.

“What!? That’s – I don’t see how that is even remotely relevant.”

Varek laughed. “So, you do find him attractive.”

She continued to splutter as he got up to stand next to her at the kitchen counter. He picked up the onion and began peeling it before getting another knife and chopping it up. Fetching the pan, he placed it on the stovetop to heat as she stared with an open mouth.

“What are you doing?”

“Helping.” He shrugged as he placed a knob of butter in the pan.

“You know how to cook? I thought…” she trailed off as she watched him put the onions in the sizzling pan and begin to stir.

“Thought what?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Nothing.” She grabbed the chicken and began chopping it up into small cubes. After a moment she added, “I do not find him attractive.”

There was a chuckle behind her. “Sure, you don’t.”

There was a rustle of movement and then suddenly she could feel his hot breath on the back of her neck. “You know, I could be him for you.”

She whipped around and found herself face to face with Draco Malfoy. He was looking at her with an openly appraising gaze, his silver eyes intent. She knew it was Varek. Her head was screaming at her to be careful. This man was a trickster, a darkness, but her entire being screamed out to let herself have this. She could find out exactly if kissing Draco Malfoy in reality felt as good as it had in the memories of her other lives.

He leaned in and his breath wafted across her lips.

“No!”

She pushed back, sending him crashing into the bench behind him. The illusion dissolved and Varek was standing in front of her, wearing a smug expression. He closed the gap between them again and leaned in to whisper in her ear.

“I knew you found him attractive.”

Read the rest on Ao3

[custardcove]

First Memories

Chapter Four - Great Idea

The following day—as Alice insisted they attempt this feat a day later and not immediately—the group stood before the gate to Queenie’s villa. Pansy was sweating bullets as she pressed the button on the intercom.

“Er, hello? Queenie asked me to uh… To look at the roses—her garden.” She sounded utterly unsure of herself. “It’s Pansy.”

With a crackle, an older, masculine voice sounded from the other end. “She did?” A pause. “Well, I’ll let you in, Ms Harte. You did a fine job last time.”

“Thank you, Mr Banks.”

As the gates silently swung open on an automatic motor, Taylor stared at Pansy in amazement. “You know that guy?”

“Yeah, he n’ his wife both live and work here.”

Alice took in an eyeful of the garden as they passed through. Now that she was beyond the gate, it was a lot easier to view how vast and carefully planned all the rose hedges were. Not a single wilting leaf, weed or imperfection was in sight. The dragon fountain stood proudly in the centre, where the paths through the garden met, and there were ornate streetlamps to illuminate the grounds at night. It seemed there was a patio and some wooden structure to the far right, and a white iron table and chairs mirrored on the far left, but Alice didn’t have long to stare before they made it to the house itself.

Entering the double-doors, another staff member—a bodyguard, if his literal stone abs were any indication—was standing by.

“Hey, Bastian,” Pansy greeted the gargoyle with nonchalance. “How’s the cross-stitch comin’?”

“Inadequately, I’m afraid. My clumsy claws weren’t made for it.”

“Naw, you just need a bigger set.”

As the group continued into the building, Taylor gawked at Pansy like she’d grown a second head. “Do you know everyone here?”

“I like chattin’ when I’m working, and I only ever seen about eight folks that actually work for Miss Queenie,” Pansy shrugged. “Now, er—what’s our next move?”

Taylor froze, looking up and tapping his foot quickly.

“…you didn’t think about it, didja. Great.”

Alice tugged at Pansy’s sleeve. “If Mr Banks knows we’re here, doesn’t that mean he’s going to tell—”

“And what,” Queenie began, looming from the banister atop the central staircase, “do you three think you’re doing in my house?!”

The intruders stood still as statues, not one daring to speak. Queenie stormed down the staircase, heels clacking with resounding force.

“Garden?” Pansy finally got out, wholly unconvincing.

“That’s funny, Harte, because I don’t remember asking you to look at my garden.”

Now that they were face-to-face, something in Pansy clicked, and a surge of confidence swept over her. “My bad, I guess you didn’t. Last time we spoke, you were too busy talking about that prized artefact you found, right? Looked real familiar … I’m sure Alice would agree.”

Affronted, Queenie inhaled sharply. “Are you accusing me of theft? And in my own home, trespasser?”

“Is it really trespassing if the doorman let us in?” Taylor offered, grinning nervously.

“Wh—YES, if you lied to gain entry!” Queenie was becoming increasingly flustered. “I don’t know why I’m suffering your argument—Bastian!”

The gargoyle from earlier hulked over.

“Show them the door, if you would be so kind!”

Bastian gripped Alice’s arm, though with an unexpectedly light hold. “If you would forgive me, madam—”

Alice looked up at him, but he was addressing Queenie.

“You did find a gold locket, and if it does belong to this young lady, you could be held accountable for theft by finding. I would not want my Lady’s name to be blackened by such an offence.”

“You would do well to hold your flapping tongue,” Queenie snapped back. As Bastian was about to proceed with his duties, however, she gave it some thought. “No, let them stay. They’ll only keep pestering me about it otherwise.”

“As you wish, Lady Drachen.”

Alice’s audible sigh of relief made Pansy chuckle. “Changed your mind, Miss Dragons?”

Queenie shook her head with reproach. “If you’ll go as far as entering my home … Come, Alice.” She motioned. “Just you. I don’t need your friends influencing your certainty.”

Pansy stepped forward. “Wait just a minute—”

“It’s fine.” Alice held out a hand to stop her. “I don’t want to drag this out.”

“There, see? A sensible girl.” Queenie’s praise dripped with venom. “Now come upstairs. This way.”

Obediently, Alice followed, in part quite eager to see the rest of the villa. The other part of her wondered if she’d ever come back down. Looking back at her friends’ faces said it all.

It was obvious Queenie was a fan of antique interior design. Even her wallpaper had a carved wooden border with looping, intricate patterns. The wallpaper itself was deep blue, floral. In place of candleholders, there were ornate silver wall lamps, and plenty of portraiture. Not to mention how many rooms there seemed to be—it was enough to keep track of, but far too large for a home.

Queenie opened one of the doors, and Alice remembered the task at hand, following her inside. The room had barely any light coming through the curtains, and it looked like it hadn’t been used for a while, but it was furnished in a similar manner to the rest of the house. Of all the rooms Alice had ever anticipated being locked in, it was the nicest. But Queenie wasn’t locking anything. She was busy taking a cloth-wrapped object out of a drawer.

Uncovering it, she asked, “There. Has this ever belonged to you?”

Alice gazed upon the gleaming object. If it were hers, it had been polished since, but it resounded with familiarity. Even so, being put on the spot made her nervous. Especially as an amnesiac. What if she were wrong? … Queenie had isolated her on purpose.

“Alice, help…”

“It spoke,” said Alice, stunned.

“It did?” Queenie studied her with a quizzical gaze, then stared back at the locket. “That doesn’t answer my question, Webbe.”

“Oh. Yes, it’s mine.”

“Prove it.”

Alice met Queenie’s eyes. They were stern, unflinching. The human couldn’t maintain visual contact for long. “It called me by name. I think that’s proof enough.”

“It’s not proof if I didn’t hear it.” Queenie lifted the pendant, eyeing its reflective surface.

“Well … I washed up on the beach, so where did you find it?”

The noble considered her answer carefully. “Not near you, by any means.”

“But you found it on the beach, didn’t you?”

Queenie didn’t answer.

“That locket was given to me by a friend,” Alice continued. She didn’t know where this knowledge had come from, but she knew it wasn’t false. “You’re a dragon—you know how much more value a treasure with sentimental attachment holds.”

Though stiff, Queenie agreed. “…More than its measure in carat. But it’s enchanted, too. I don’t know about talking, but I can tell it’s made to improve upon your weaknesses.”

“Then you admit it’s mine?”

“I admit that it was made to increase someone’s chances of survival.” She covered it with the cloth once more. “But in light of that … I have a proposal for you, Webbe.”

“I’m not going to marry you for it.”

“That is not what I meant, and you know it!” Queenie huffed, staring her down. “Consider your standing. But I will give you this locket – on the condition that you rightly win it from me.”

“Oh.” It seemed like this was the best deal she was going to get… “Alright then, at what?”

“I haven’t decided yet.”

“It has to be fair. I refuse if it’s a duel.”

“Oh yes, because you’d die.”

Alice blew air up at her fringe to tousle it, venting her grievances. “Uh-huh.  With my life at stake, I think we should go back and discuss this ‘competition’ with my friends.”

“If you insist.” Queenie placed the locket back inside the drawer, a forceful thunk securing it there. “Don’t expect it to be in there if you pay another unexpected visit later.”

“I’m not a burglar, even if it is mine.”

As they returned to the central hall, Alice caught a glimpse of Pansy’s tightly folded arms and Taylor’s unsettled frown. Their expressions changed at once when they saw her, bright and eager.

“Custard! Did you get it back?” Pansy was first to ask.

“Not exactly—” Alice started, before Queenie cut over her.

“Miss Webbe and I have come to an arrangement.” She sniffed. “I have no guarantee that it’s hers, so if she wants it, she has to earn it.”

Pansy’s face clouded again. “Why of all the slimy—”

“It’s alright, Pansy,” Alice insisted. Being alert meant playing safe. “I agreed to it. But I wanted your input on how we should compete. So that it’s fair.”

Taylor shook his head slowly. “But Alice—if you lose…”

“I’ll be in the same situation I’m in now, really.” She shrugged.

“See? You should all strive to be as polite and reasonable as Miss Webbe.” Queenie’s wicked smile wasn’t reassuring.

Pansy groaned but began to give the idea some thought. “How about a writing contest?”

“Absolutely not.” Queenie shot down her suggestion.  “She said something fair. I won’t allow pandering to Alice’s skillset.”

Alice muttered, “I’m not confident I could best Queenie’s poetry, either.”

“Well—how about a quiz?” Taylor offered.

Rejected. “You’ll rig it.”

There was a brief pause while everyone thought. Pansy pursed her lips. “I don’t think either of you are known for your baking skills. How about a cooking competition? Making, er…”

“Apple pie,” Taylor suggested, eagerly awaiting approval.

At last, Queenie didn’t seem to have any complaints. “A baking contest suits me just fine. I can get a venue set up in town square and find a judge—”

“Three judges.” Alice folded her arms. “Pansy cooks enough to judge baking. Whoever you choose will want to throw things in your favour. And we should have a third, impartial judge to cast the deciding vote.”

Queenie rolled her eyes. “A gourmet, then?”

“Maybe not a gourmet,” Tay interjected. They’d have to be hired, after all, and Queenie was the one with the money. “Any rando with tastebuds should do.”

The heiress mulled over the terms, and after a short while she turned to her bodyguard, who had been waiting on standby. “Bastian, since you’re not terribly busy at the moment … go and fetch us the nearest willing candidate you can find.”

“Yes, My Lady.” He strode out, letting an awkward silence settle over the group. Everyone looked at Queenie. She didn’t flinch.

Pansy checked her watch.

“So—” Taylor started, immediately cut off as Bastian re-entered. He was shepherding a scrawny, lop-eared man by the shoulder.

“Rando with tastebuds brought, as requested.” He returned to his post, leaving the man to tremble under the pressure. Alice knew him. He was—

“Name, if you please,” Queenie demanded.

“Elliott Howell—well, um, most people actually call me Tech, Miss—”

“Lady.” After her reprimand, she turned to Alice. “Mr Howell should be a suitable enough judge, wouldn’t you agree?”

Tech continued to babble, “Um—was this about judging food, or something? The uhm, the man said something like—well it wasn’t for money, but if I can take some of the food home I’m fine with—”

“Yeah, he’ll do.”

---

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[staghunters]

hey hey! 2, 8, 12, 14

hoi hoi!

2. Oldest book you own (as in the one you received earliest in your life)

This one!

I got it from my grandpa one pakjesavond (sinterklaas/the dutch boxing day) when I must've been around 8 years old? I can recommend it, though it is very much a children's book in that there is a lot of exposition that feels overdone at times. Still, it's got "fairy tales are real but a bit fucked up in this world", fairies with double agenda's, sibling love, a shapeshifter who's definitely queer in some way shape or form!!, and the main character is basically like an Indiana Jones but for fairy tale artefacts (hijinks included) on the background is this large-scale political conflict that makes it all very witcher-y.

You might know this author from Inkheart, btw! This one has also been translated into english.

8. Best cover

A tie between these two!

I got them both last year on my bday credit at the store and haven't read either of them, but they look very nice. The Bale one is a hardcover that has gold details, but just the whole composition of it all is perfect.

12. Weirdest book you own

Definitely "The making of The African Queen, or, How I went to Africa with Bogart, Bacall, and Huston and almost lost my mind" by Katherine Hepburn.

I couldn't get it anywhere physically except as an second-hand library edition from the states (shoutout to Boston Baptist College Library!) but read it beforehand on internet archive because you can borrow it there for free! It's just a personal account of making a movie, but Katherine Hepburn is hilarious. It really reads like you're sitting with her and she has to vent about this stupid flick she did but wowza. Please let the following passage convince you to check it out. The full thing is only 150~ pages long.

14. A book you love but wouldn’t really recommend to others

HEX by Thomas Olde Heuvelt! (I don't have the cover below but really like it so ordered it at work just now asjdkfhlsd)

It was review bombed big time on Goodreads. On some points I could see the validity, but there's something really cool going on in here but that either doesn't translate well cross-culture, or is in general a bit ambiguous. The climax and ending is WILD. Not in a way of "wow some crazy fucked up shit happens here", which it kinda does, but I'm talking fucked up like a Hieronymus Bosch painting, and not like SAW.

I believe Olde Heuvelt did change some things to make it more understandable for american audiences, while sticking close to what he meant in the dutch version. Putting the town in the Hudson Valley as opposed to somewhere near Nijmegen makes sense, but still doesn't cover the typical "dutch small town" feeling from the original, particularly because of how densely populated my country is, making the whole curse that confines you to your super small old town forever till you die thing a lot more frustrating when everything modern and big is within a half hour drive.

Anyways, if you'd still want a rec: A town (name might vary but it's called Black Spring in the american edition) is haunted by the figure of a 17th century witch. the gist of her curse is that anyone who stays in the town for too long or is born there will have to stay till they die, only being able to leave for short amounts of time. Over the years there's been a sort of witch-watch task-force that keeps track of the witch's movements (she otherwise doesn't really do anything). All goes well until some teen boys want to fuck around for a nice video to post online.

Bookish Asks