#like hell i'd go through much effort again lmao

[tardis--dreams]

We've officially reached the 'too demotivated and drained to bother to go to class' part of the semester. Awesome

[ghostssweetgirl]

Thanks for answering so quickly!

I've been thinking about a fic.

How about the reader being afraid of getting attached because of the trauma they went through in their childhood (absent parents or emotionally abusive father/mother) and the 141 boys & los vaqueros boys slowly figured out why the reader is always skittish when it comes to emotions.

And they finally get the reader to open up and realize that she/he loves the boys more than herself/himself.

P. S. I'm new to this! If you've already written something like this then please don't kill me. 🙈 🙈

no worries, i don't think i've written anything like this and if i have I'LL WRITE IT AGAIN FOR UUUU <3 but yeah i got you :) thank you for your patience! i know it took me a while to get to this. and i also hope it's okay? if not please forgive me 🥺🙏🏼thank you for this request @ghostslillady (btw i love ur username so much i almost wish i thought of it too lmao)

GN Reader x 141 + Los Vaqueros and How They React to an Emotionally Skittish Person

It was another successful mission the 141 teamed up with Los Vaqueros for. Everyone was sitting in the breakroom for a meeting while eating some much needed food together.

You sat by yourself, but close enough to your team to make conversation. Like the father figure he is, Price was going around the room, handing out compliments to everyone's efforts as a team. He finally made it to you and as he stood proudly, with his hands on his hip, smiling widely, you froze in place, hesitating to make eye contact.

"Y/N, I'd like to personally thank you for always looking out for your team, having their back 100%. If it wasn't for you, these muppets wouldn't be here right now. You exceed my expectations every time, and I'm proud of you, and we're happy to have you, kid," he complimented as he held out his hand for you to shake.

Still froze in place, your hand shook as it grabbed his, his grip tightened, feeling your sweaty palm against his as you had trouble making eye contact. The combination of the bright overhead lights, everyone's eyes on you, smiling and clapping for you overwhelmed you instantly.

You gulp as you take deep breaths, forcing yourself to remain as professional as possible. "T-thank you, Captain," you managed to mutter out, smiling at him with wide eyes as you forced a smile.

He dismissed everyone shortly after a few more words he had to share, you sigh out a breath of relief as you throw your box of food away and go to your quarters, not minding that the rest of the people stayed put. Whatever floats their boat, you thought. I'm out of here.

You sank into bed, instantly falling asleep given how exhausted you were.

--

The team definitely took note of how you reacted to the praise, and were concerned for you. They would respect you if you didn't want to talk about it, but it was now their mission to figure out if you were okay, if there was a reason why that happened and if there was anything they could do to help you. They cared for you like they would a close loved one, and it was no doubt that there's no length they wouldn't go to protect you, or help you.

Price, Soap, Gaz, and Ghost got together in a private meeting to talk about what they should do. It was decided to do a nice dinner, with everyone along with a comfortable environment, comfortable enough where they can try to ask them to open up. They even invited the Los Vaqueros, since they worked with you sometimes and you've worked together well as teammates.

--

As you woke up the next morning, you were given dozens of small tasks, go here, do this, go do that, etc. A little odd and out of routine, but whatever. They were really doing anything to keep you out of the dining and open areas.

Your work day finally came to a halt, and as you walked back up to the safe house and walked in the door, everyone was gathered around and they were talking. You spotted Alejandro and Rudy and waved hello as you smiled at them, happy they were here but what the hell is going on?

"What's this?" you asked, not specifically to anyone, but you made eye contact with Soap first.

"It's a... family dinner! Join us?" he smiled warmly.

You look around the room, noticing the effort put into this surprise and oblige. "Sure," you laughed, a hint of nervousness in it. For a moment, you thought back to your past and how family dinners never ended up well, but you push it to the back of your mind, reminding yourself this is different.

Price entered the room, gesturing for everyone to start making their plates. You got in line and got your food, sitting down at a corner seat of the table. Usually you'd choose to sit away from people, but in this moment you had no choice. You sat down and stared at your food for a moment, before checking your surroundings.

Everyone made small talk, and you'd admit that the atmosphere soon felt more calm to be in after adjusting a little bit.

"Y/n," Price started as he was finishing a bite of food. "Is the food okay? You feel okay?"

You look up at him and nervously smile. "Y-yeah, it's great! Thanks."

"Good, I'm glad," he smiled, looking around the table proudly.

It wasn't long before that knot of anxiety in your stomach disappeared, and you don't know what hit you, but your mouth moved before your brain could stop it from speaking. "Um... thank you guys for being patient with me..."

Everyone stopped what they were doing, giving you their full attention, all smiles and genuine intentions. They all nodded before Ghost spoke up.

"Of course, kid," he spoke softly.

"I... don't really have the easiest time opening up, and definitely have a hard time with emotional... things, thanks to my childhood," you laughed it off. "But you guys make me comfortable, and make me feel like I'm actually a part of something. A family. So thank you."

"Aye, we understand… If you ever need to talk, we're all here for ya," he smiled.

"D'ya mind me asking what about your childhood..." Price lowered his voice to a calmer level. "Makes it hard for you to open up? Is there anything I can do to help you?"

You thought for a moment before saying it out loud. While you spoke about your childhood, your abusive household and how you couldn't open up and if you did there was always a consequence, bad things just always happened as soon as you did open up... A weight finally lifted off your shoulders.

They all comforted you, and a lot of them related, so it only helped. The night ended in laughter, smiles, and lots of jokes. You found a place you felt true comfort at and it was safe to say you loved these boys more than you loved yourself.

A/N - I hope this is decent! Sorry again for taking a while!

[nowoyas]

Koi no Yokan 21: push through (nishinoya yuu/reader)

First - Prev - Next - M.list - Ao3

A/N: and a double update! I wasn't gonna leave y'all with just 700 words and call it a day lmao. I feel like I should be wishing y'all a happy nanowrimo. I've been doing that challenge half my life. it feels weird to have divested myself from it now.

Summary: The training camp continues in spite of the heat. Your concussion makes you feel like you're on a roller coaster.

Warnings and Tags: suggestive themes if you take your glasses off

Words: 3200+

The next day, you nap for two hours after lunchtime and meander your way downstairs. The headache hasn't exactly faded, but if you can just hide it, you can still be in the gym. The question is whether or not you can handle the volume enough for that to be sustainable. Before you even reach the gym, you run directly into a wall.

Or rather, you note once you've caught your balance and your bearings, you run into Tsukishima.

"Oh! Sorry, Tsukishima-san. I guess my brain's not awake yet," you explain with a laugh. "Concussion naps are killer."

Tsukishima—unfazed, the bastard—looks down at you for a moment. Stares, really. You raise an eyebrow at him. "You alright?"

He sighs. "Yeah. Sorry. Bathroom."

…right. "Okay. I'm just gonna—" You sidestep him, move to slink down the hallway behind him, but a hand closes around your wrist suddenly.

"Wait."

"…waiting."

He chews on his words for a moment, avoiding your eyes. "Why did you bother showing up here?"

You flinch, shooting him a wounded look. "Alright, we're being an asshole, I see. Because I'm a manager and managers go to the training camps. Is that a problem?"

"No, I mean—" He lets out a frustrated sigh. "I mean, why are you here when you have a concussion? It's not like anyone would have stopped you from resting at home for the week."

…okay, that's a little better. "I might have been more comfortable, but I wouldn't have been happier. I would've been bored and annoyed and useless." You eye him. You've seen the way he is during practice—tired, lower-key, there to be there. Compared to anyone else on the team, he's certainly taller, and you've heard them talk about how much potential Tsukishima has and just fails to use because he doesn't want to try. "Why are you asking?"

He shrugs. "Just curious."

"You suck at lying. Try again. Why are you asking?"

His left eye twitches a little. "I already answered."

"No, look. You want advice, you get advice, but you have to actually ask me outright. You're not asking why I'm here for no reason. What's your actual problem?"

"I just don't get why everyone on this team tries so hard all the time. You drag yourself to Tokyo even though it sucks, everyone else is putting themselves through penalty after brutal penalty, risking injuries… it's way too much effort for something that's just a club at the end of the day."

Ah.

You get it.

You get it well.

You hum, leaning against the wall. "You're trying to figure out why everyone else is passionate when you aren't."

"I guess."

"I mean, that's a tough one. The weirdest part is that you're lumping me in with the passionate ones when I've spent most of the time since joining the club being actively jealous of everyone else in the club for having something they love doing and doing it. If I could figure out how the hell to have half their energy, I'd do it."

"But you've got the energy to try harder than I would. If I'd gotten a concussion, no one would have seen me for a month. Where does that energy come from?"

You shrug. "I guess… I just… I want to be happy, and I don't want to go home. And now that I'm here, I don't want to feel like I don't need to be here. I can't miss time or not show up and lose to someone who's better than me."

He snorts. "What, do you think you're gonna get overtaken by the other managers or something?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

He gives you a surprised look.

"I mean, you saw those posters Yachi-san made. I don't get passion, I don't know how to be like her, but among the two of us, she's done something amazing for you guys. She is amazing. When there's someone else doing the same job, filling the same role… isn't it normal to not want to lose to them? Isn't it normal to push through the headaches so I can at least stand on equal footing with her?"

"And when they outclass you so hard there's no point in fighting?"

"Then you quit." You shrug. "I'm not saying I want you to, but like… if I didn't think there was any chance of me being good enough to be worth being here at all, I'd just stop showing up and find something else to fill my time. Probably go back to starting fistfights and stuff. In your case, though, it's not like Hinata can be both middle blockers in a lineup. There's something you can do that he can't, and if you actually gave a shit, you could probably shine just as bright in a totally different way. You're way better off than me."

You move past him, down the hall, intent on pushing through the pain. He disappears into the bathroom, and you—

You run smack into Yachi.

"Oh, Yachi-san. Are you also running to the bathroom?"

There's a wounded look in her eyes, and—

Oh.

She heard you.

~

Yachi returns to the gym with you in tow—apparently, she'd only been coming to wake you, since you had mentioned not wanting to keep sleeping until dinner. She also reports to Sensei that your head's still bothering you after your restless nap. Within five minutes of entering the gym, you are kicked out again to chill outside until your headache clears, which means you're also forced to overthink about how she might be interpreting what you had to say about her.

It's not like you said anything bad. Yeah, you sense danger from her in the sense that she's better than you and you need to work hard to justify showing up at all when she's here. Yeah, she's amazing and did amazing things. Those are all compliments.

But…

She looked halfway to crying. She wasn't taking it as a compliment.

You pass the time sitting on the hill outside, watching whichever team just lost a set running up the hill and joining the girls in handing out water bottles and mixing sports drinks for Karasuno as needed. You don't try to avoid Yachi—if anything, you do try to talk to her, but she's clearly avoiding you, and that makes things worse, so after the first few set losses, you stop trying to talk to her and just focus on manager duties.

When one of the other teams comes out, you'll scamper up to their manager(s) and join in—Suzumeda, Shirofuku, Otaki, and Miyanoshita are generally happy for the help after you assure them that your limit right now is that you're not allowed in the gym and not that you can't do anything. They don't let you lift, but they let you pass out bottles and towels, and you take the chance to chat with them and generally fill the time between now and the end of your exile.

It's a little odd that Nekoma doesn't have a manager, so when they lose a set, you take it upon yourself to approach the coach with a sheepish smile.

"Um, excuse me, sir?"

He turns to you, relaxes with a smile. "You're one of Karasuno's girls, right?"

You nod. "I've been exiled from the gym due to my concussion until my headache clears a bit more, and I noticed your team doesn't have a manager. If you'd like, I can help pass out drinks and stuff out here until I'm allowed to rejoin my team? No ulterior motives or anything, I'm just really bored and couldn't stand sleeping upstairs any longer."

He nods his assent, and you excitedly move to handing out drinks at the top of the hill, taking care to make sure you don't miss any Nekoma guys. It's entertainment enough, makes you feel useful despite the headache, and you find the headache quickly fading as you get your mind off it.

You also find a set of intense eyes staring you down. It's Mohawk Guy, the one that seemed to have been friends with Tanaka and Noya. You roll your eyes and make your way over to him, holding out a bottle. "Here. You can just flag me down, it's fine."

He accepts the bottle, stammering with a profuse blush. Much shier than he looks. Interesting. "Uh—t-thank you! It's v-very nice of you to��to—to help out like this!"

You snort. "People really like confusing me for a nice person. I'm just bored, don't get it confused."

"Bored? What are you doing out here instead of with your team, anyway?" one of the other guys—first year, tall as shit, silvery hair, foreign-looking—says.

You shrug. "I've been banned from the gym until the headache clears. Something about don't make your concussion symptoms worse," you say in a mocking tone. "I'll be fine. They're just worried about me being around too much noise. If you ask me, it's louder out here with the cicadas than it could ever be in the gym."

"Concussion? What happened?"

Huh. You kinda figured one of your guys would have mentioned it. You shrug. "Oh, I don't really remember it. Apparently Hinata took my head off with a spike a couple of weeks ago."

"U-um!" Mohawk Guy says suddenly. "H-how did—I mean—what should I—"

You raise an eyebrow, watch him babble in amusement. He gets almost sort of halfway towards a full sentence before Nekoma's libero smacks the back of his head. "You're gonna freak her out. How many times do I have to tell you to be normal?"

You stifle a laugh as the libero turns to you with a bow.

"I'm so sorry about him. He doesn't know how to talk to girls. I think he's trying to ask what to do to recruit a manager to our team. He made a failed effort to recruit a manager a few weeks ago."

You laugh, shake your head. "No worries. I'm used to guys like that. But, you know—" Your eyes slide to Mohawk. "—you'd probably do a better job either sending someone else to ask girls or building yourself up until you can talk to girls without the staring contest to start out. You're pretty intense-looking, and I'm more or less immune to that at this point, but 99.9% of girls are gonna get scared off by that combination and become impossible to recruit."

"T-thank you! Sorry!"

Okay, wow. Yeah, you think the Noya vaccine is the only thing protecting you right now. "No need to apologize. Maybe just like… practice talking to real girls so you don't freeze up like this?"

"How am I supposed to practice talking to girls if girls won't talk to me?" he laments.

"Ah. Good point. I mean, you're talking to me just fine…? Just like, pretend you're talking to a person instead of a goddess or something and you'll be alright."

Giving out girl advice wasn't where you'd hoped to take today, but it works well enough, and it keeps your mind off things with Yachi for a minute, which is nice. When he bows and runs off to re-join his team, you sigh a little. It feels good to be useful, at least.

~

[name] to Noya at 22:01

[name]: level one soba request

Noya: is level one soba the worst or the lightest

[name]: the lightest

[name]: level 100 soba request is like, someone just died or something

Noya: [image attached. Image description: A white handkerchief on top of a lump. A tail and one paw stick out from underneath the cloth.]

Noya: Halloween edition Soba!

Noya: talk about it?

[name]: nah

[name]: but thank you for the soba 

~

Yachi wouldn't talk to you for the rest of the day, or this morning in the bathrooms, or at breakfast. You don't think anyone's noticed, and you do a good job of distracting the other girls before they can notice. This doesn't need to be dramatic. You just… need to clear the air with her. Somehow. When she won't even look at you.

God, you used to be good at talking to people. Where's that skill now?

Anyways, at least Tsukishima's making some kind of progress in his volleyball-related soul-searching. The first indication is a simple question before their set this morning. Coach is doing his pre-set pep talk, reminding the guys of things like it's enough to get a hand on the ball, when Tsukishima speaks up.

"We don't have to stop it?"

It snaps the attention of the rest of the team to him, and you feel the slightest swell of pride at the look in his eyes. You hadn't been particularly invested in whether or not he decided to give a fuck about volleyball—sure, it'd be handy to have his height actually on Karasuno's side, instead of just showing up because he doesn't have anything better to do, but you can't say you had any interest in pushing him one way or another.

That, of course, doesn't mean that you don't notice when he looks a little different during the next set, when his arms go up for a block and he actually looks scary. Fukurodani's ace gets around it, barely, and you listen as his teammates tease him for running away from a block.

He ran away from Tsukishima.

You huff, smile. He'll probably never admit to really trying. You're the same type, after all, but… he's playing differently, just a bit. You know what it looks like to start trying, just a little bit, just so you can figure out whether it's worth trying any harder than that.

He's searching for an answer, and you hope he finds one. Maybe you can find one too, in time.

~

It is in the showers that night that Yachi finally decides to talk to you. She could have picked any time before this, but she chose now, while you're combing some fancy bullshit through your hair courtesy of Kaede, still wrapped up in nothing but a towel, still mostly dripping wet. She marches right up, standing too close.

You suppose it's the first chance you've had to be really alone since the thing, excluding last night's shower run. There's not really much point in there being staged showers for the managers in the same way the guys have to split up shower slots by year to fit everyone in, but it's the first years' turn to shower after the other girls have gone anyway, which really just means it's you and Yachi alone in the showers for as long as you need.

She's in an equal state of undress, standing closer than you thought her capable of with a burning look in her eye. "[s-surname]-san!"³⁶

You frown. The -san is a bit of a downgrade. "Yachi-san?"

"I… I wanted you to know…!" She's got her fist clenched, eye contact unflinching for possibly the first time in her life. It's not a bad look on her. Neither is the towel.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," you try to interrupt, but she stomps her foot and you let her continue.

"I-I don't want to lose to you, either!"

Oh.

"If—if Tsukishima-kun has a different role to fill than Hinata, even though they play the same position, then I don't see why both of us being in the same position means that we can't both be useful!"

You flinch a little. "I wasn't—I'm sorry. You know there's no hard feelings on my end, right?"

"D-do you?" she snaps.

You're going to panic at this rate. You probably fucked things up permanently, the way this is going, but—

"I respect you! I respect you a lot! It made me really happy to hear that you think I'm amazing! But it's important to me that you know that I don't think I'm any better than you, and that I think you're actually way cooler than me, prettier than me, and fit in way better!"

"I'm not—"

"I-I'm not done! You look down on yourself way too much, and it's really frustrating because if you're so cool and still looking down on yourself, what am I, even? I'm not half the manager you are. I wouldn't be pushing through a concussion like this. I'm still learning a bunch of stuff that you seem to just already know somehow even though we started at the same time! I would never have a—an almost-boyfriend, or whatever you have going on with Nishinoya-san. I'd never be able to. I'm basically just here until everyone figures out that I'm not that great and gets annoyed with me, or until they figure out that I'm—that I'm, like, broken or something, and then it's just going to be you left because I won't be able to be around anymore and—"

"Woah, pause, wait, you're not broken, so let's start with that. I said it before, right? There's nothing wrong with you that's any worse than anyone else I know."

"B-but I don't think I'm like you," she insists. She's making a valiant effort to shove down tears, and it's sort of working. "Sometimes I think I can fit in, and I'm just like everyone else, but I know that's not right. Normal people aren't like this. Normal girls aren't like me."

You frown. "I… you seem normal to me, but I guess I'm not seeing things from inside your head."

"I'm sorry if I'm being presumptuous, or pushy, or… I just… I admire you, you know? I don't want you to feel like you're not good enough because of someone like me."

You huff. "I guess that puts us on the same page…? Thanks."

"I don't want to lose to you, either. S-so, let's keep working hard together, okay?"

You stick out a hand for her to shake, scramble to hold up your towel with the other hand. "Alright. Friends?"

She takes it, serious look falling away to a bright smile. "Friends."

36. In editing, I kept nearly fucking up this sentence because I keep a style guide on my character notes for how everyone refers to each other with like, supporting textual evidence/character notes on how in-plot events affect this, so generally any inconsistencies you see in honorific or nickname uses are deliberate decisions.³⁷ I still kept almost fucking this up because Reader is listed in Yachi's note as "[surname]-chan" during this arc and my urge is to match up to the style guide always. She's also one of the only style guides I've gotten up to date since moving into a centralized note-taking platform… I think I mostly just need to strike a fine balance between referring to my notes and trusting myself.

37. For example, during the popsicle scene in chapter four ("Nishinoya!"), the intention is very much "playful indignation" in response to Noya's horrific eating habits. I'm holding back on digging into Reader's honorific usage rules here but I think thinking about these things easily adds twenty minutes onto writing time whenever I include a new character or dynamic where I haven't yet made notes on how one character refers to a specific other character. Honorifics are really fun as a tool for relationship dynamics.

Tags: @deeplightgarden @idonthaveanameideayet @dusstory @kazunish

[fereldanwench]

so since i had the tower ending available to me, i figured i'd run through it

disorganized, spoilery thoughts under the cut

so a few world-state items of note:

valerie had no romance (ofc)

valerie did the parade and saved goro (ofc)

valerie never met kerry

valerie didn't help judy with the clouds stuff so judy was also not a friend to call

valerie did have panam and river available as friends

valerie and johnny were very much not friends

i had only seen the ending with a friendship johnny, so getting to experience the rival dialogue was actually really cool. i did record the whole thing so i'll probably upload some clips from that and muse on it properly, but yeah, i love it when valerie and johnny fight. i loved being able to have her call him a narcissist 10/10. and i like that i could play her as still somewhat sympathetic to his situation

i love 2079 reed. his tie and office bod are precious <333

since valerie had no romance, i did get to hear goro during her in-and-out-of-consciousness scenes, which i absolutely loved

i knew about river and panam's phone calls/msgs and neither one of them are actually that close to valerie so the emotional impact there for me was minimal

much like with the devil ending, though, i wish goro was at least listed in her phone, even if it went to a disconnected number in 2079. valerie did tell him she was going to go with hanako prior to this, so having some kind of 'hey, are we doing this thing' msgs from him in 2077 would have been cool.

and like there seems to be some recognition from the devs that players who didn't get attached to any of the romances or had any other friends likely had some degree of fondness towards goro--hence using his voice in the coma. so once again, it just feels like there's missing content from him, basically. not even asking for romantic stuff here either--just more platonic interactions would have been very much appreciated!!!!

vik's situation depresses the hell out of me, even moreso than v's, although i did love getting to spend more time with him and see a different side to him just for characterization purposes. i loved the employee eval on his computer that said he talks to patients too much, because MUSE FUEL MUSE FUEL MUSE FUEL

(i'm actually in the process of working on some story sets for the events that happen directly after the heist, and vik gossiping to goro has been on my mind since the 'vik likes to talk' line v can deliver so this just compounded that)

connecting with misty briefly does kind of heal the soul a little at least

seeing valerie un-chromed and with a shaved head was pretty jarring, although not as much as seeing her in those clothes lmao. like wtf did the fia do with the clothes she arrived in??? even if she wasn't in top form, she would still make an effort to look somewhat nice going to see an old friend but i mean, i get it, at this point my vision of valerie is so beyond the possibilities of the game's potential characterizations for v

i also have a glitch in my game in which she's constantly holding a pistol during some cutscenes lmao so uh having randos try to beat her up while she's visibly armed was odd

the devil ending is still valerie's canon so this was just a curiosity playthrough, but i am somewhat intrigued by the possibility of another AU/alternate timeline for her and goro playing off these events.

the obvious scenario would be valerie becoming a fixer and goro becoming her bodyguard after they work out their shit since goro is clearly unhappy in 2079 lmao, but this ending plays on the convenient-lack-of-communication tropes that i fucking hate in stories (like really, the FIA couldn't find a way to get in touch with v's friends and let them know what's going on? i don't buy it) so it'd require a lot of rework for me.

and i really can't see valerie willingly going with the FIA, particularly after she told goro she was gonna go with arasaka, so i think a lot of that would have to change too

but idk, it's not a priority. i like having the AU stuff to tinker with when i need a break from their canon, which i currently do not. maybe it'll be like the nomad AU and suddenly hit me out of nowhere :3

but yeah im glad i experienced it for myself since there can be so many little personalized variations, but i also feel kinda out of sorts because it just felt really OOC for valerie and there were some major downers there, lmao. i feel like i need a bit of a palette cleanser

OH and i liked rogue taking nibbles, that was a pleasant surprise

[leyyvi]

hi ley :^) dont mind me coming into your askbox like a lil fan but roo recced paychecks to me and i'm very thankful she did bc she made me fall for the lil short short shortie. looking back in hindsight it was easy bc i'd read a few fics mischaracterising him n i told her to fix my impression of him and she did with your lovely work !! so i'm thankful for you putting in all the effort and dedication to it because it really paid off with how loved paychecks is !!

she told me she sent you screenshots of me gushing over it and im embarrassed that was your first impression of me but everything i said was the absolute truth and you did make me fall for him with the fic !! i loved every single detail about it, from the expressive world and character and relationship building to all the little details like levi n reader's interactions with each other. and and and i also really love how reading all those chapters felt like i was reading a real life published novel i can't explain it but everything slotted together so perfectly that it just feels so natural and before i knew it reader and levi were pining for each other like the sick lil lovebirds they are :'))

also roo introduced me with a link to just chapter 15 to which i skimmed through the first few paragraph and then decided i had to start from the start and it was definitely worth it. i think what really grabbed me n pulled into the levi rabbithole was how soft and genuine you made him on the moments alone with reader. i loved reading about their little witty convos with each other and all the subtle intimate moments in between.

im going through major pfd now and im in the middle of dinner so i'm sorry for the ramble :'( i'll shush myself and go reread paychecks from the start and cry all over again omg last ramble but as a struggling college student as well this fic made me seriously consider quitting my stable part time job for a underpaid minimum wage cafe in hopes i also meet a shorter than me moody ceo who wants me to make his tea right for him

AHHHH

I'M SORRY I TOOK FOREVER TO ANSWER YOU i was in tears when i saw this and dfjksdhfsdjk i wanted to be able to give u a proper well thought (mostly) response sniffles

i'm so very flattered that u like my lil rendition of that man it means the world to me whenever someone likes him ;;; PLS the screenshots i loved them so much they were making me so giddy and tbh it really motivated me to keep working on this story to see such reactions so jfkdghdfjk

PLEASE ROO CHAPTER 15 IDFSDJKLFSLKDJF that's just--that's a hell of a way to be intro'ed top pwasoi and im so sorry LMAO its probably my most unhinged horny chapter oh my god. PLSSSS do not apologize i love the rambles so much i've reread your message like 20 times and it's put a smile on my face every time. i hope u find yourself a tiny lil seemingly angy rich man who's so very soft for u on this inside ;;; <33

thank you SOSOSOSO much for reading pwasoi and sending such a nice message like i sincerely appreciate it from the bottom of my heart <333

[bipolaritysucksbutslaps]

ok lemme sit properly

1. at 6 years old

2. it was a comic about mermaids

3. umm... aside from the mermaid comic... fanfiction

4. well... fanfiction

5. idk honestly

6. i'd like to add in some psychological stuff, make it a bit more than just two boys pining after each other

7. don't have oc-s, but i'm projecting heavily on all of my fictional characters

8. what i said above

9. these questions aren't for me lmao

10. my current wip, because i'm projecting so much that we'd all just cry together and i've never wanted nothing more

11. writing fanfiction about fanfiction?? hm. i could try that

12. "a sigh escapes his lips." because meanwhile same, why can't i just- jdhfhshd

13. my friend said she could see the whole scene right in front of her eyes and that it went so smoothly- i think about this a lot

14. my asexual ass could never write smut. never.

15. i open the word document, stare at it for a while, come to a conclusion i don't know words and scroll up to edit a bit

16. my own mental illness and some pretty sunsets and vibey songs

17. uhh... it might never see the light of the world? because- because what the hell i've never seen an english sentence in my life

18. umm... like my own? wait lemme-

"no, we're playing at the summer fest, actually," the boy renders the volume of his voice back to normal, and soobin tunes in to the conversation despite his best efforts to not eavesdrop. he still keeps his distance though, loitering in the door frame and scrolling on his phone, trying to look nonchalant.

"quit making it sound so fancy already, it's literally going to be just you guys standing on the square playing for a couple grandmas," yeonjun says gruffly, but it only makes his friend snort.

"excuse you, my grandma loves our music," the boy fights back.

"yeah, probably because she doesn't understand a single word of the lyrics."

"the most important part in music is the feeling."

soobin can practically hear the roll of yeonjun's eyes. "well, i'm currently feeling a very strong urge to kick you out of here."

19. you're really making me go through the whole thing now:/

“it’s getting bad again. i thought leaving this town would solve everything. i wanted something new, i wanted something that is not just… plain grey. but the city is concrete and full of people who mean nothing to me, all friendships shallow, i don’t even remember half of their names now. it’s just nobody next to another nobody, and i am nobody, too.”

not a single line, but it's very important to me.

20. don't ever give up on writing. your thoughts are beautiful and deserve to be written. now go open that stupid document and do what you were born to do.

Writer's Ask Game

When did you start writing?

What was the first story you've ever written?

What genres have you written for so far?

What is your favourite genre to write for?

What is your favourite trope to write for?

What topic would you love to explore in your writing?

Who is the OC that is most like you?

Which OC is nothing like you?

Have you ever brought an OC back from the dead?

In which of your stories would you like to live?

Have you ever written fanfiction about your own work?

Do you have a word/phrase that you overuse in your writing?

What feedback did you receive for your writing that stuck with you?

What is something that you feel weird/uncomfortable writing about?

What is your current writing habit?

Where do you find inspiration to write?

Tell us a fun fact about your current WIP.

Show us a piece of dialogue you really like.

Show us the line you want readers to remember from your story.

Do you have one piece of advice for your fellow writers?

[sylhea-raemi]

usseewa but it's syudou

[ghostonly]

Fixing up a shirt that's too big and needs tailoring.

A couple years ago, I kept thinking to myself, how does one even acquire goth or grunge clothing? And the conclusion I came to is that you need either a lot of money for band merch and studded leather and all that shit, or you need to get your hands in it and fuck around with what you have and make something grungy and homemade, so that's what I'm doing cause I'm poor as shit lmao

Now that my chest is flat, and I'm recovered enough and have a minute, I'm making up a shirt that I've been planning to do for like over a year now. I ordered a few things a year and a half ago and I fucked up the order because they didn't have any 3-6x sizes in stock for this plain, black shirt I wanted, but they did have 7x, and I said, "fuck it, it'll be baggy but it probably won't be THAT much bigger than the stuff I usually wear."

I was very wrong

I've been wearing them anyway (I've got 2 of them) but like, they don't look good lmao. These things are made for one of those guys who is not only large but built like a fucking skyscraper

But lots of extra fabric means great for customizing in a fun way. So anyway I have been wanting to put the cover of The Twilight Sad album "nobody wants to be here and nobody wants to leave" on a shirt, cause it's a great album and the art is a great vibe, but the art is in white. I looked up some ways to put white on black fabric and decided to make a bleaching stencil

Here are some progress shots from while I was working on it. I guessed at the CD shape and then freehand copied the outline of the art with a 5x4 comparison grid

I made this strip to block out where letters would go with the intention of painting on the details with additional bleach after spraying

Then used a razor knife to cut where I wanted the border to go through on the drawing when I sprayed it with bleach

After the stencil was ready, I stuck the shirt around a big plastic drawer so that the bottom of the drawer would be a working surface and the bleach wouldn't bleed onto the back of the shirt (as u can see, it is a very large shirt :') there was actually extra fabric I clipped onto the drawer's edge with binder clips)

Before I actually starting with the spraying, I did also stick more cardstock (it's not regular paper, it's like twice as thick) under the edges of the stencil frame to guard the rest of the shirt, but I didn't get a picture of that

This is my first time doing this and you're not actually supposed to do it with paper but I didn't realize that until I'd already spent like 2 hours making it, so i said fuck it, it's fine if it isn't perfect. You're supposed to make it with freezer paper and iron it onto the shirt temporarily and the temporary adhesion of the plastic keeps the bleach and shit from spreading and the stencil from moving (both would have been really handy but Oh Well 😪)

So after spending an hour spraying the bleach and adding detail with a broken-off pencil I kept dipping in bleach (I was trying to use the method of a guy who used a wooden skewer but I don't have any) this is what I've got

It's messy as hell but I kinda like that it is. Looks fucked up in a good way and that's what I like about doing crafts for grungy purposes - it's very low stress, if not low effort

I don't think it's that orange irl but the sun had mostly gone down so I was taking pictures under a lamp

I was surprised at how well the intact lines came out considering how thin they were. As you can see, some of them "blew up" because they got too wet and spread, but that's okay. It's good to know that, with spraying, you can get really good detail. I will probably do this again in the future with freezer paper so I can iron it on

Anyway, it's in the wash now. I'll post pictures of the finished... Drawing? When it's done drying

Then later I'll add more when I've done the actual tailoring bit because the whole shirt is getting overhauled

[lovelytarou]

kiss me thru the phone — bakugo katsuki

— katsuki always calls you on the phone, making sure that it's his voice you hear when you wake and the one you'll listen to as you fall asleep.

pairing: bakugo katsuki x reader

tags: established relationship, swearing? cuz this is bakugo hehe. not proofread!!

genre: fluff, kinda angst

word count: 1.4k

a/n: 1/7 of the 200 follower event, i can just see him doing this lmao. sorry if the header doesn't look good, i tried my best (˘･_･˘) not at me saying i'll upload this yesterday night but it's already 2am here. it is what it is.

bakugo katsuki is a busy man. 

even when he was in his UA days, you always see him training by himself and excusing himself early to go study and then eventually, sleep. his friends often tease him for being a grandpa and not having time to go and have fun, but when he met you that's when he really started to let himself free and experience fun things with his friends albeit he's masking it as having “no choice but to join” under the guise of watching over his friends as to not make themselves look like idiots, but you know better. you know that when he says he doesn't care, you understand the meaning that he actually does. and deeply too.

he's just a big tsundere who cares a lot for the people he loves. 

now that he's a pro hero working his way up to the top, hectic times and cancelled dates cannot be helped. he has to always excuse himself and apologize over and over for not going to the date you both planned as promised and you always have to say that it's alright, that you understand over and over. and if anyone knew bakugo, it's that he would never settle for less. a simple ‘okay’ isn't enough for him. 

so when you woke up one morning to the ringing of your phone and the rare photo of your lover smiling instead of your cacophonous alarm, you knew it had to be one of those days where bakugo was feeling particularly soft for you.

rolling over on his side of the bed, you answered the call with a smile on your face despite him not seeing it. the warm streaks of sunlight coming through the windows illuminated your face, making you shut your eyes for a moment.

“hi, baby.” you croaked, voice scratchy and raspy upon waking.

you heard his chuckle on the other end before he greeted you as well.

“good morning, sleepyhead. it's 10am already, you should be getting your ass out of bed,” he scolded you. you rolled your eyes as you lied on your back, staring up at the ceiling while you twirled a piece of your hair like a lovestruck schoolgirl talking to your crush. 

“i know, i know. but the bed's still warm and i wanna stay in bed for a bit.” you whined, even pouting for effect that you knew he wouldn't resist. 

you heard him click his tongue in annoyance at your statement. knowing him, he's probably shaking his head in disapproval at your lazy behavior. 

“get the fuck out of bed or else your breakfast will get cold. you don't want to eat cold food, do you?" 

“wait, you made me breakfast?” you felt your stomach do flips at the thought of bakugo waking up early and even having the time and effort to cook for you. 

you heard him scoff at that, “course i did. i know your dumbass will complain about how i didn't cook you anything before i left if i didn't. so eat up, okay? i know i'm not always at home to eat with you and this is the only thing i can do to make you feel that you're not alone. and i'm sorry about that. i promise one of these days, i'll take you out for dinner, alright?” 

he can only hear sniffles and soft sobs on the other end as you nodded. 

“oi, are you crying?!”

“yes! why the hell are you so sweet? and it's too early for me to be crying like this!” you wailed, tears streaming down your face like a waterfall, trying your best to wipe them away with your night shirt. 

“i'd like that very much. you're the best, katsuki. take care and good luck at work!” 

“i know i am, babe. take care as well, don't wait up for me tonight, i'll call you.” you both bid your goodbyes with words of love before he hung up to do his hero work and for you to get ready for the day. you ate your breakfast with a smile on your face and heart feeling much fuller than your stomach with the thought of katsuki.

some days, when he's away on a mission, he'd love to call you randomly and he wouldn't even care if you're doing something or if you're busy. what he knows is that he needs to hear your voice more than anything. 

on a particularly busy and dreadful day, bakugo had called you during work and you picked it up without second thoughts, worry already clouding your mind. 

“tsuki baby!” you greeted in a joyful tone. your smile evaporated when he didn't return the sentiment.

“katsuki? are you okay? what's up, baby?” you tried to make your voice as soothing as possible, knowing that any other unwelcoming approach might set him off.

he sighed on the other end, and you can only guess what happened.

“i'm fine...just...i missed your voice,” his own had a low timbre to it, sort of a deep vulnerable tone he only let you hear when he wanted you to see his true self without the facades and the mask. 

“i'm here now, katsuki. do you wanna talk?” being a pro hero can be stressful as much as he loves it. he's also human, and he can only handle as much when faced with a lot of obstacles in life.

“yeah, that'd be nice. tell me about your day, how are you?” he might be diverting the topic towards you instead but you indulged him in his request and started to tell him about your day – from the time you wake up to the time you arrived to work.

“oh! and um, i also bumped into my old friend a while ago. they asked me about you and i told them that we should meet up someday, you know, like a double date?” 

“sure, yeah. i'd love to meet them. they seem like a cool person.” 

“they are! anyway, what about you? anything happened in there on the mission?” you waited patiently for his response which he appreciated a whole lot than what you realize. 

“it was okay. the mission was going smoothly with everyone helping and then...i just, we rescued this man and his...wife got–” he faltered, you heard him choke a sob through the phone and you can only wish you can hold him right at that moment if you weren't only miles away from each other. 

“it's okay if you don't wanna continue, tsuki. i understand this is heavy for you. i'm sorry you have to suffer through that alone. i wish i can be there for you,” in your head, you're imagining that you're comforting him and kissing his worries away as he's nuzzling into your neck. and you'd tell him that everything will be alright and that you'll always be there for him.

“i'm sorry...thank you, for staying with me and being in my life. i wouldn't know what i'd do without you, honestly. maybe be the same asshole that i was before we met,” he joked, chuckling at the fond memory that felt like ages ago today. 

“no worries, babe. you know i'm always here if you want to talk. i'll listen and you can never talk my ear off because i love listening to you sexy voice.” you teased, knowing it would make him as red as a tomato. the both of you laughed and it felt like you're together, probably at home as you lounged in the living room without worrying about anything.

“whatever. i like hearing your voice too, i guess. anyway, i gotta go in a few minutes. i'm calling again later before you sleep, make sure you don't doze off on me!” you can practically imagine the smoke coming out of his ears as he yelled at his phone.

“yes, yes, i will. i already told you i'm sorry! go kick some villain ass in there, baby. i'll be waiting for you back home.” 

“good. goodbye, i miss you. stay safe and always lock your door and the windows! don't stay up too late or i'll swim there to make you sleep myself–”

before he went on a tangent about his usual scoldings you told him that you still had work to do and he can save them for later, but you felt warm inside knowing this is how he tells you he loves you without really saying them. time and distance may keep you away from each other, but your love can travel through great distances and defy all odds. 

Taglist: @chibishae34

[2dmenenthusiast]

Warmth - a Bakugou x Reader Christmas special

its finally done hhhhhh I love how I was just like “Oh yeah I’ll do a short little fic for Christmas” and then I ended up typing this long ass fic. I mean, its not that long but it took me days to write cuz I lack motivation always so it feels long lmao. Anyways, haven’t wrote for my explodey boy bakugou yet so here it is! Let me know if I gave the reader any specific pronouns or features by accident and I’ll fix it right away! I hope you all enjoy! Please feel free to reblog if you wanna give my fic more exposure, I'd really appreciate it 😚

Summary: You get caught in the middle of a snowstorm, and when you get home, you’re desperately craving the warmth of your exploding, ragey boyfriend. 

Word count: 3.3K

Warnings/other info: swearing, itty bitty reference to sexy times, spoiler for Bakugou’s hero name, just a lot of fluff (you guys are so mean to each other tho lmao)

You hated winter. Actually, scratch that. Let’s rephrase. You hate snow. No, you had nothing against the actual season. Winter brought you cute Christmas movies and catchy songs, as well as the gift-giving holiday itself. However, snow was a demon, and it could fuck right off. Especially when it was blowing directly into your face like it was now, your snow-covered boots trudging through the thick snow as you held grocery bags in each of your gloved hands. Even though you were wearing a thick winter coat and hat, and had your scarf covering half of your face, you felt like you were about to shiver out of your own skin and god you could barely fucking see with all of this snow going directly into your eyes.

“‘It’s right down the street, y/n, just walk there.’ What am I, fucking stupid?” you muttered.

You had figured it would be better to just walk to the store rather than using up gas or spending money on transportation, and fuck were you dumb for making that decision. Bakugou had warned you too, taking one look outside and telling you it would be better to just go get groceries tomorrow. But noooo, you just had to get it done today. And honestly, it looked like the roads were gonna be shitty for the next few days, so better now than later. Speaking of the roads, there were barely any cars driving on them, which was expected. The plow didn’t look like it had come through yet. However, a vehicle slowly came towards you, going under the speed limit to avoid sliding on the road, and you could hear The Christmas Song playing loudly from inside as it passed. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire? Yeah, the only thing going to be roasting on an open fire was your ass the second you walked through the door. And by an open fire, you meant the heater, which Bakugou better have on full fucking blast, or else you swore you were going to wring his neck.

As your apartment building became closer in view, you doubled your efforts and tried to speed up your pace, but the snow made it almost impossible when it was almost past your shins. Still, you grit your teeth and pushed through, letting out a relieved groan when you walked through the front door of your building and felt heat blast you in the face. Releasing a sigh, your grip tightening on the grocery bags as you traversed up the stairs to your apartment, and when you jammed your keys in the lock and pushed through the door, it was just as you suspected. Too fucking cold.

“He’s dead. He’s a dead man. He knew I was going out in the fucking arctic tundra that is the city right now, but he chose to keep the thermostat at fucking 70 degrees?!” you thought, grumbling to yourself as you set the bags down in the kitchen and marched over to the thermostat.

“Hey, take your fucking boots off, will you? You’re tracking snow.”

You raised your middle finger in the direction the voice came from, not even looking back

at your boyfriend as you turned the dial of the thermostat and watched the numbers go up until you were satisfied. Turning to look at Bakugou with a glare, you said something that he could tell was filled with frustration and anger, but he could barely hear you when you were talking through your scarf, raising an eyebrow as if to silently say, “what the fuck are you saying?” Rolling your eyes, you toed off your boots and hung up your coat, taking off your gloves and hat next before unwrapping your scarf from around your face and neck.

“I said you’re a fucking maniac. How are you not freezing?” you asked, hurrying past Bakugou to your shared bedroom so that you could change into something warmer.

Bakugou just scoffed, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest as he watched you change. “You remember what my quirk is, right?”

Slipping one of Bakugou’s large hoodies over your head, you let out a sigh. “Oh right, I forgot that along with the ability to blow shit up, you’re also a walking heat box,” you said, throwing the hood over your head as you turned to your boyfriend with a small pout.

He just looked at you with an amused smirk, a single eyebrow quirked as he looked you up and down. He had to admit, he’d never get tired of seeing you in his clothes. Though he quickly became worried when a mischievous grin appeared on your face, and he had no time to react when you were running forward and slipping your hands underneath his shirt, wrapping your arms around his bare torso.

“Gah! Shit, you’re fucking freezing!” he yelled, trying to push you off of him, but you just tightened your hold as you buried your face in his chest. “Hey! Don’t you get comfy, get the hell off of me.”

“But you’re so waaarm,” you whined, looking up at him with cute puppy dog eyes. You weren’t lying, he was very warm, and you’d be damned if you pulled away from him anytime soon.

Letting out a growl through clenched teeth, Bakugou gripped your thighs in his hands and suddenly lifted you, and you let out a noise of surprise, not expecting your feet to come off the ground as your legs automatically wrapped around him so that you wouldn’t fall. Carrying you back into the living room, he threw you on the couch and pinned you with a glare when you tried to move, not walking away until he was certain you wouldn’t get up from that couch. Once he turned his back to you, you sat up on your knees and looked over the back of the couch as Bakugou walked into the kitchen, bending over the reach into one of the bags, and holy fuck his ass in those sweatpants was downright fucking sinful. As the cool kids would say, he was, “double cheeked up on a Thursday afternoon.”

“It’s Saturday, and stop staring at my ass, you damn perv,” Bakugou grumbled without looking back at you, and you pursed your lips as you raised your hands in surrender.

“Not my fault you’re so dummy thicc.”

“For the love of god, stop watching TikTok.”

You just laughed and stood from the couch, walking into the kitchen and leaning against the counter as you watched your boyfriend put the groceries away. “You don’t have to do that, you know. I can put them away.”

“Nonsense. You were just out freezing your ass off in the snow. Now get back on that couch before I throw you on it again,” he said.

You smiled at the kind gesture. While Bakugou was often rude and uncouth, not making an effort to hide his frustration or disdain for certain people or things, there was a soft spot deep down in there, and you were lucky enough to be one of the few people he showed it too. Of course, it was hardly willingly. You were persistent as hell, getting under his skin the moment you started going to UA with him. However, he’d be lying if he said he didn’t like your persistence.

Letting out a small hum to yourself, you leaned over and pressed your lips against his cheek, his skin warming up under your touch. “You’re cute.”

A light pink dusted his cheeks as you walked back to the couch and plopped down onto the soft cushions, grabbing the fluffy blanket hanging over the back and draping it around your shoulders. No, if anyone in this relationship was cute, it was you. With the way you stole his clothes and just seemed to always make them look better, or made him his bento lunch with cute little notes inside that he secretly kept in his desk and would look at whenever he needed a little pick-me-up. You probably didn’t realize how much he noticed every little thing you did, but he did, and it made him fall more in love with you every day. Of course, he wasn’t very eloquent and it was hard for him to express how he felt with words, but he was a believer in how actions spoke louder.

“Hey, dipstick! You almost done? I’m about to freeze my ass off over here and I need my cuddle buddy,” you yelled from the living room, and Bakugou’s eyebrow twitched as he scoffed, running a hand over his face. You just had to ruin it, didn’t you?

“Yeah, yeah, wait a sec, would you? Not my fault your body can’t regulate temperature like a normal fucking human being.”

Your head popped up, looking over the couch at your boyfriend with an incredulous look on your face. “‘Normal?!’ What about you is normal, Mr. I-get-unnecessarily-ragey-and-blow-shit-up? Hm?”

“Oh and you think you’re so normal when you bought fucking ice cream in the middle of goddamn winter,” he said, holding up the tub of ice cream you recently bought on your trip to the store.

“Ice cream is good for any time of the year! And you have no room to judge me. It could be a hundred degrees out and you’ll be scarfing down a bowl of spicy ramen like it’s your last meal.”

“You don’t hear me complaining about it though, do you?”

You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest as you pouted. “Jerk. you know, I hope your quirk just one day combusts and you blow up your own face.”

“Fuckface.”

“Asshole.”

“Dumbass.”

“Mama’s boy.”

Eyes widening, he dropped the last grocery bag on the floor and stomped over to the couch. If you were any normal person, you probably would’ve been cowering in fear just from the pro-heroes intense stair. But you had been with Bakugou for a while now, and what “normal” person would date someone whose first draft of their hero name was Lord Explosion Murder anyway? He placed his hands on the top of the couch, looking down at you as you stared up at him with a shit-eating grin on your face.

“What the fuck did you just say?”

“Oh, I think you heard me.”

“Take it back or I’m blowing up all of your Deku shirts.”

You gasped dramatically, placing both of your hands over your heart as you gaped at your boyfriend before narrowing your eyes. “You wouldn’t.”

He didn’t say anything, simply raising an eyebrow at your challenge before walking towards your shared bedroom without another word. Oh. Oh, he was being serious. Scrambling off the couch, you ran after him.

“No! Nononono, wait. Ugh, All right!”

He turned to look at you, one of your shirts of the Pro hero Deku held tight in his fist and a smirk on his face that meant trouble. You sighed, crossing your arms over your chest as you looked at the nearby wall, not wanting to see that stupid little grin on his stupid face.

“You… You’re- not a mama’s boy,” you muttered under your breath, coughing to make the words more unintelligible.

“I’m sorry, what did you say? I think I feel my hand warming up a bit.”

“Ugh, fine! You’re not a mama’s boy. Happy?”

Grin widening, he dropped the shirt and walked over to you in long strides, closing the distance quickly and placing his hands on your waist. “See? Was that so hard?”

“Absolutely teeth-pulling,” you said, dropping your head on his chest as he chuckled, bringing a hand up to gently pat your head. Of course, there wasn’t a lot about you two that was so different from each other. You both had a mutual hatred for backing down. He then looked over at the bed where the green-haired hero’s smiling face stared back at him, and he scowled.

“Why do you have so many shirts of that damn nerd anyway?”

“I don’t have that many, Katsu.”

“You have like ten. You don’t have any merch of me.” His grip on you tightened possessively, and if he wasn’t aware of it, you certainly were, smiling against his chest before lifting your head.

“Why would I need merch when I have the real life thing right here?” you asked, poking at his abs. “Besides, it’s not like I bought them. They were gifts whenever he had new designs come out.”

“And you couldn’t just refuse?”

“Even if you have some weird tension with him, that doesn’t mean I can’t be friends with him, dummy.” You lightly flicked his forehead and slipped out of his grasp as you walked back out to the living room, and he followed close behind with furrowed brows.

“Weird tension? The hell’s that supposed to mean?”

You just looked at him with raised eyebrows and shrugged, dropping down onto the couch before pulling out your phone. It took him a second to understand what you were getting at, and when he did, he wanted to vomit up his lunch.

“Oh, you’re sick.”

You threw your hands up. “I’m not saying I ship it! Your Twitter followers certainly do, though.”

“Yeah well, they’re all weirdos anyway,” he said, sitting down next to you and throwing an arm around your shoulders, and you immediately relaxed into him, content with the warmth he seemed to produce 24/7. “The only person I wanna be…” he grimaced, shaking his head, “shipped with is you.”

You smiled, looking up at Bakugou as you placed your hand on his chest. “I think people would if we didn’t constantly insult each other while we’re out in public. And you know, if you were actually affectionate with me.”

“I’m affectionate!” he yelled, arm tightening around you. “Those damn extras don’t need to see that shit anyway. Not like it’s any of their business.”

You chuckled and moved to straddle Bakugou’s thighs, hands taking their time as you dragged them up his muscular torso and splayed your fingers over his chest. You admired the man below you with a small smile on your face, his hands moving so that they rested on your thighs, giving them a small squeeze, and you watched his tongue swipe over his bottom lip as he seemed to look at you with that same red-eyed intense stare that he always did. Leaning down, you placed a slow kiss against his lips but pulled away before he could deepen it, and he chased your lips with a quiet growl as you let out an amused huff.

“Would you…” You could tell he was hesitant, never knowing how to properly express what he wanted to say, especially when he was feeling vulnerable. You placed your lips against his cheek, gently holding his face in your hands to try and reassure him. “Would you like me to be more affectionate in public? Would that… make you happy?”

Brows furrowing, your lips formed into a frown as you sat back, hands slipping into his. “Katsu… we’ve been together since our high school days. If I had any complaints, wouldn’t I have voiced them by now?” He opened his mouth, but you didn’t give him the chance to respond, grabbing his face again. “Listen to me for a second. Despite what people think about your rough edges and your unpleasant attitude-”

“Watch it.”

You smiled. “I wouldn’t change a damn thing about you. Your random outbursts, your sailor mouth, your shitty nicknames for all of our friends. Those things are what make you Bakugou Katsuki. Not some shitty tabloid with that stupid headline that’s like “Ten things to know about Pro Hero Dynamight!” or whatever. They’re all bullshit. No one sees the side of you that I get to. No one sees the big softie that you really are.” You lightly poked Bakugou’s chest with a giggle, and he swatted at your hand.

“Hey, I’m not soft, you dumbass,” he grumbled, and you just laughed as you leaned into him and wrapped your arms around his neck, resting your forehead on his shoulder.

“Keep telling yourself that.��

You heard him sigh and felt his arms wrap around you, happy in his strong embrace. There was nowhere you felt safer than in Bakugou’s arms. They were always there to hold you at night, or to pull you into a hug when you were feeling upset. You loved his arms, but you loved him in general. Everything about him always had butterflies fluttering around in your stomach. When he would gaze at you like you were the only other person in the world, or when he’d come home after a particularly rough day, and you’d offer to help him relieve some stress, but he’d insist that the only thing on his mind at the moment was you underneath him while he memorized and tasted every inch of you. Yeah, you were a love-struck idiot, but so was he. Maybe even more so.

You were brought out of your thoughts when the lights started to flicker before going out, and you waited a few seconds for them to come back on, but they never did. Are you fucking kidding me?

“Um… Katsuki?”

“Hm.”

“Please tell me our power didn’t just go out.”

“Our power didn’t go out.”

You smacked his chest. “Don’t be a smartass.”

“Then don’t say stupid shit.”

You let out a groan before whining out his name, and he sighed as he lifted you off of him and walked into the kitchen to grab his phone. It was like you could already feel the cold seeping back into the apartment through the cracks in the doors and windows, and you shivered as you grabbed the blanket from before and wrapped it around your body. Bakugou then came back into the living room, letting out a sigh and tossing his phone onto the couch.

“Some idiot driving in this shit-storm hit a pole and took down a transformer. Power won’t be back until the morning.”

Great. Just magnificent. Who the fuck decides to drive in a snowstorm? Letting out a huff, you stood and went to the kitchen to find a lighter before lighting every candle you two had, hoping they would provide enough light for the night. After making sure at least one candle was in every room, you went back to find Bakugou gathering all the blankets he could and raised an eyebrow.

“What? We both know our comforter won’t be enough to warm your shivering ass.”

“But I have you, don’t I? My personal heater,” you said, rocking back and forth on the balls of your feet as you smiled.

Bakugou scoffed. “Yeah, can’t wait for you to suck all the heat out of me.”

“Oh piss off. You love my cuddles.”

Before he could give you another snarky remark, you turned on your heel and walked to your bedroom, pulling back the covers and immediately tucking yourself underneath them. But of course, it wasn’t warm enough. When Bakugou walked into the room, you stuck a hand out from under the blanket and made a grabbing motion, and he just chuckled at you before throwing an extra blanket on top of you and climbing underneath the covers to lay next to you. You immediately sought him out, desperate for his warmth as you wrapped yourself around him and nuzzled into his chest, and his arms looped around you as he tangled your legs together.

“Christ, you’re fucking freezing,” he grumbled.

“Shut up and hold me tighter,” you said voice muffled as you spoke into his chest, and he did as you asked, his arms tightening around you as you let out a content sigh. 

Relaxing in the silence, you felt yourself begin to grow more tired with each second that passed, and your boyfriend seemed to relax as well, which was rare for him. You both were perfectly content, dozing off in each other’s embrace.

“... So should I get a mistletoe for the apartment?”

“Dear god, shut the fuck up and go to sleep.”

[hoefette]

All the petty things I hate about fate!winx and their shitty universe/world building because

I'd added most if these in tags of other posts but I'm still so mad lmao

The way characters, Aisha and Mrs Dowling specifically make references to explicitly human or American things like instagram and Harry Potter

These people are from a different dimension for ffs why are they concerned with or are even aware of this very earth-specific shit? Do they teach earth classes at school over there?

I understand not wanting to have them be oblivious so Bloom wouldn't have to explain it to them, but it simply could be ✨omitted✨

Why would you go out of your way to date your work like this lmao ew

Ms. Dowling calling Tinkerbell an air fairy.. I cannot breeve with the stupidity why did they keep that in there

Why is Ms. Dowling.. the headmistress.. teaching classes? Where are the other teachers?

We ended up with a trio of antagonists (I guess you could call them that?) by the end of the season anyway so why not give us the trix, why have the characters play double roles as friends of our protagonists and also the villains/bullies? They clearly wanted a delinquent trio, in which case they could've gender bent the trix if they wanted to keep all the unnecessary sexual tension.

It just feels like the production team was lazy, they didn't want to hire more actors, they didn't want to bother with making the world immersive or lived in or believable at best, they just didn't give enough of a fuck

They wanted to make this show and attatch Winx to it for.. what? Like did you even google the main plot points? The abridged version or sparknotes to get details on the very literal, basic characteristics of our main characters or their roles or the world they inhabit????

It lacks wonder and intrigue.. I mean Bloom moves to another dimension, a school for fairies and we don't see her marvel once at anything.. and that's because she might as well have been in Switzerland because she's in exactly the same environment she would've been in over there anyway.

They could've said Alfea was in Europe and I'd believe it because nothing about the setting makes it feel otherworldly. I'm sorry but I'm not impressed.

Why do the teachers and graduated specialists communicate via facetime ?? In the magic dimension. ??? Why do they text each other and those texts then appear on screen like .. oh look, like a bad netflix teen movie ????? HELLO ??? it's the way technology and magic could've blended in so seamless into the world THE WAY IT WAS ALREADY DONE/SHOWN. Missed opportunity. it just takes you out of it imo every time you see the ugly, bland, gray text bar. Some fucking flavour pls I'm begging

How stupid the specialist must feel clonking around with the skinniest shreds of armor, plastic swords on their backs and battery powered flashlights and cellphones in their bags. R we larping?? I know I'd be laughing and asking why we hadn't already come up with something more effective .. idk like guns. I'm surprised I ain't see one gun in there.

In the beginning Ms. Dowling says some nonsense about fairies having lost the ability to transform to explain why there are no wings, which means they could've transformed before. So are we to assume that this supposed to be set in the time proceeding the original then?? Because something is not adding up with where they should be as a magical society technologically if that's the case

How does the production team want to keep the dark academia vibes with torches lining the walls and also want them to be face timing each other, presumably from miles and miles away in the dark forest???

Pls pick an aesthetic and stick to it everything was so unnecessarily dark. Where do they charge their phones since it's the only device we see that is the slightest bit modern and dont fucking tell me they charge it with magic I will punch you in the face

Why is there only one major monarchy that we are shown? Why are Solaria the only ones contributing to the efforts to defend the school and where is this mysterious battalion we never see lmaoo it's all so bad its laughable.

Is this set in the kingdom of Solaria? And why does the queen of an alleged interdimensional superpower monarchy pull up in black SUVs??????????? Why does she pull up with Andreas?? Is he not the king of Erakleon?? Where are his soldiers and his battalion and just?? Huh!? The world just feels empty like nobody lives here fr

Are we supposed to believe that the specialists get paired up with fairies just as a normal occurence and that they have to 'trust each other' and not because the plot demands it suddenly half way through when all we've seen so far are the fairies doing normalish school and homework, and the specialists outside, being physical everyday all day. This was never even implied that they'd have to work together apart from when we see the faculty as youngins with Rosalind. But even then.. it's like well why are they even together lmao? Is this a special team formed from Rosalind’s protégées? Were they formed after graduating from Alfea or what is this?? Are they the ONLY team of specialist/fairies hunting every single burned one?? What?

Are we now supposed to buy that Musa is being switched to 'support' because that's where her strengths lie and not in combat?? Are we supposed to believe that these girls know hand to hand combat?? When was this established? We see Terra wrapping some baby vines around a dude and I'm sorry is that the practical application of her power? Is this what the fairies are supposed to do once they graduate? Or is it just a switch in curriculum because of the threats outside the barrier?? This is never made clear.

Because if not then what's the point of this?? Why do they suddenly have endless classes together when the expectation was never set for the fairies to be like soldiers or out in the field fighting ?

Where exactly are they supposed to be what was the purpose of including Aster Dell and why is it a joy ride away from Alfea lmao?? Where Bloom is from and also not from?? Plot pls make it make sense

Why are fairies from another dimension vaping or smoking weed?? They are not human so why are they engaging in specifically human vices, yol couldn't come up with anything else to characterize 'delinquents'?? Very lazy very como se dices.. no effort. Nothing a little more spicy yol could invent, at least change the name and some properties holy shit did yol even try ??

So its fairies everywhere, having a lil party in the east wing of a phat castle.. and they are playing beer pong and dressed in t shirts and jeans..

Can you hear me screaming? Can you hear me vibrating with rage?

Not one floating decoration or magical anything in sight. Just purple lights and subpar vibes

Stella's costume design: tragic. I won't discuss further because we don't have the space or time but just know that it was absolutely atrocious and I hated it. Giving very debutante vibes

The entire budget going to that lame transformation sequence that was not a transformation sequence and those horrible, barely-there fire wings

Edgelord bloom and all her fucking leather jackets. Why do 30 yo, white cis men think girls exist in a binary? They could keep her earlier characterization and make her a hothead.. Bloom literally screamed herself into a couple power upgrades in the original come ooonnnn

Let girls be feminine without it being a character flaw what is wrong with yol its 2021. They could make her more mature, more angsty or whatever the hell else and not style her like that

The way Aisha's abilities flipflop between episodes and scenes. Very inconsistent. One minute she's struggling with a drop of water and the next she is moving an entire body of water for her bestie Bloom to fake transform because the plot demands it. Why even add in her struggles at all if you're just going to ignore it?

Why was Stella with them in that scene? She didn't do anything literally.. Aisha pulled the water and she did .. nothing.

Who the fuck is Rosalind? Why would they add her in,, to add nothing to story? The company of light was a thing, they could've plucked one of them hoes to be the antagonist. Why did the winx club need their own Delores Umbridge? Valtor was right there if you wanted an evil educator type character.

The camera work was so bland during the down beats, stagnant and fixed during a fairy party and erratic and ugly and disorienting during the fight scenes

I'm not getting over the fairy party because it was a good opportunity for the production and everyone else to show the differences between where Bloom was and where she is now but instead it just looks like a regular teen high school party?? This could have been set in Switzerland fr.

Everyone's just kind of standing?? You mean to tell me these people are from all different places in the magical dimension and their customs are all the same? They all throw parties like this ??

White and flavorless I am very bored

I guess the main question or takeaway I have is just.. who is this for? Because everyone, including the showrunners keep saying that it's for us, the fans of the original. But apart from the characters sharing some names, there are really no other similarities. So again, who was this supposed to appease or placate or satisfy? Because it sure as hell wasn't the winx club fans.

Overall, this feels very much like something I wrote and probably published on ff.net when I was 13 because I thought girls couldn't be taken seriously if they liked pink, and injected angst into everything that didn't need it and had no idea how to structure scenes or dialogue. It's just bad, objectively and N*tflix will keep making shit like this because apparently some people have bad taste??? Idk yol, be easy

[chikkou]

I'd ask this on your Lisa sideblog but you don't have anon on and I'm shy lol, but do you have any headcanons relating to Lisa the First? Like Lisa's views on religion, her relationship with her mother, if any of the various worlds we see mean anything?

hoh man i didnt even know anon wasnt on LMAO... ill turn it on after i post this!

also fuck YEAH i do holy shit i fucking LOVE lisa the first!! i know its sort of the black sheep of the lisa series, since it is a completely different type of game and was clearly austins first game, but i fucking ADORE it dude. the music - which he made ENTIRELY IN THE FREE TRIAL OF FL STUDIO BY THE WAY - is FANTASTIC, the art direction is actually pretty fucking incredible for an rpgmaker game that uses a good deal of basic assets, and the gameplay.... ok yeah that part is a bit lacking but its a yume nikki-style game be nice it was his first time LMAO

ANYWAY back to ur question. first and foremost, i think this is not even a headcanon so much as straight up canon, but lisa DESPISES christianity. marty is christian, probably catholic given the golden crosses everywhere, and he is a fucking scumbag hypocrite. lisa likely associates all of christianity with this line of thinking, as there is one room in the bile area where the melted martys (although i suppose we can just call them joy mutants now LMAO) simply stand in a circle surrounding one big cross. the role of the melted martys is up for interpretation of course, as is everything, but after playing the painful and seeing them described as “mindless sheep,” i think this is how lisa viewed them. so they likely represent other people that, to lisa, are probably just as sick and disgusting as marty

lisas relationship with her mother... i go back and forth on this one a lot. i can never decide if i prefer the headcanon that lisas mom died in childbirth, and so lisa never met her, or if i prefer that lisas mom was around for a very short time and then either left or died. the fact that she says “i didnt want to leave” at the end of the first leads me to believe that she most likely died. in either case, the memory of her mother was clearly important to lisa, as she wears her pendant through the entire game and its explicitly noted as being a gift from her. in either case, i think that the death/absence of the mother is heavily implied to be the primary cause behind martys descent into alcoholism and lisas abuse, since the white room strongly implies that marty did at one time sincerely love and care for her as a father properly should 

as for the meaning of each of the rooms, i think most of them are fairly self explanatory, but some of them are a bit more vague, so ill break it down in terms of how i see it (and ill put them under the cut because its long as hell):

martys house - this is the most literal one. pretty self-explanatory. the dark, yet vibrant colors and the ear-bleedingly loud tv are pure sensory overload, something lisa probably deals with on a regular basis. when lisa goes outside and it turns into a sky of marty faces, i think this is the transition into the psychological part of the game

the lobby - this is honestly just pure yume nikki ripoff LMAO... but if i had to ascribe a symbolic meaning to it, i think its probably a quiet and safe area for lisa to retreat to in her mind when she needs it, but even that eventually gets sullied as tricky rick makes his way there, too (and tells her hes “just waiting” when she talks to him). the majority of gameplay is lisa searching for items with which to kill tricky rick, who always abuses and disparages her whenever she talks to him, telling her she’ll never forget. as for the reason why... well, take one look at him and its pretty clear whats going on there. (the name is also a reference to richard nixon, whose nickname was... well, you can figure it out!)

the town - the bar area is 100% my favorite from this world; lisa clearly hates alcohol and anyone who drinks it, associating them all with marty, and that music... all i can say is YUCK. the entire section also consists of lisa having to give up something in exchange for what she needs to move on, and usually getting the raw end of the deal out of it (she gives one marty a banana, he gives her a banana peel in return). she does all that while avoiding a marty following her outside who repeatedly tells her “you cant escape,” and upon reaching tricky rick (who is atop a narrow, columnar, PINK mountain), it becomes pretty clear whats happening to her. 

the sea room - fucking marty spiders man. im assuming they represent the sickly feeling of crawling skin she gets when she looks at him or is anywhere near him, but holy GOD they are annoying to deal with. she kills tricky rick with pills here - we dont know what kind of pills these are, but i interpret them as sleeping pills, and given the rumbling music and the rapid cycling marty background, i wonder if he forced her to take these. marty is everywhere here, but the only one she can speak to is seen chilling on a raft of some kind. marty likely spent much of his time recreationally, i.e. drinking, so it makes sense why this would be here

the rope room - theres no symbolism here this is just pure comedy (LMAO). if i HAD to assign some meaning to this area, it would be that lisa likely is so despondent at this point that putting in effort to do anything feels utterly pointless, much like climbing this long-ass rope was

the white room - as i mentioned earlier, i personally believe that this area depicts the previous relationship between marty and lisa (and also has one of my favorite songs in the game). he is shown doing traditional fatherly things - he is no longer wearing sunglasses and is wearing a suit, meaning he was likely employed, and is actually smiling. he also spends time with her in a completely platonic, familial way. when she interacts with him, there is a little heart over his head. after lisa walks through the golden statues (which will reappear later), the entire world becomes filled with bile, and martys appearance returns to that of the other martys, but with an extremely warped, grotesque face. the item she needs in this area to kill tricky rick is found between two golden crosses.

notice that all of the items she kills tricky rick with - a razor, pills, and now a plastic bag - are things that a child could plausibly get their hands on; none of them are explicitly weapons. i think this shows both her age and how often she must have considered using those things against him. 

the bile room - probably my favorite area in the game, and also features what i consider the quintessential lisa song. this area really drives home lisas disgust with marty and with christianity as a whole - it almost certainly has the highest concentration of crosses, and it is also quite literally covered in wall-to-wall bile, dirty water, and disgusting houses. a lot of the most graphic sights, like the melting martys and the pond martys (no idea what to call them LMAO) are here, so i think this is pretty much the lowest circle of hell for lisa. marty gives lisa a freshly cut finger in exchange for a napkin here; im not necessarily sure what that represents, but i think the napkin was used by marty to masturbate (as he says “i needed that” after he takes it), so perhaps the finger is martys?

lisa kills tricky rick here in a cave that is not-so-subtly shaped like a penis, and gets a vhs tape in which he pretty explicitly states what is going on in the game; he even pretends like he doesnt know who lisa is at first, which somehow makes it even more disgusting. the fact that vhs tapes play a role here sort of makes me wonder if marty really WAS filming some of what he was doing, and given that lisa the joyful confirms that brad was forced to somehow participate in lisas abuse, that is.... horrific to think about, honestly

the marty tape - this tape just has the player (as marty) walk up to lisa and suited marty, who are having a tea party with a plastic tea set. they both get hearts over their heads if you talk to them. i think this drives home that he and lisa did once have a normal relationship, and perhaps theres some part of marty who misses that? theres a LOT of ways you can interpret this; having the player become marty really calls a lot into question.

the mansion - the room leading here has a marty staring directly at the player who informs lisa that she needs a sword to progress. unsubtly, the sword must be placed into the crotch of a womans statue. the mansion inside is beautiful and ornate, and easily the most gorgeous area in the game - and it all leads to what appears to be a proto-joy mutant marty, sort of looking like jabba the hutt. i dont doubt that this is intentional, given that jabba the hutt is associated with slave leia, and its not at all a far leap to call lisa martys slave. the golden statues of women, as well as many golden crosses, are everywhere in this area. its actually quite a large space with a lot of thought put into it, so im really upset that i cant figure out more of what it represents LMAO

the final area - lisa seems to go back to her actual house, but upon leaving her room and entering whether the living room would be, the whole area changes. she encounters herself in a blood red room, but when she talks to the other lisa, she turns into marty. i think this represents a clear question - who is lisa without him? IS she anyone? or is she just a vessel for him to do with what he pleases? she encounters a naked marty telling her to give up shortly after, and flees from him, but is followed by voices repeatedly telling her that she must accept her fate. i think this clearly show the mental state of lisas last days. she was tormented, eternally. she truly felt there was no escape from marty. even the background becomes nothing but martys face, over and over again, as the end screen flashes.

at the end text, she finds a video tape, and in the tape sees someone who is ostensibly her mother from behind. she apologizes for not being there for her, but when that figure turns out, its martys face that she sees. the sky turns into marty. the music becomes corrupted and overrun with pretty fucked up laughter. she tries to run, but marty is already everywhere. theres nowhere for her to run. and then the game is over.

note that the video tape comes AFTER the games end screen, which stops not long after the appearance of the naked marty. so i personally believe that the “game over” represents her deciding to take her own life, rather than just give up and accept her fate. by running from him into the blackness, she got away from marty the only way she could have. it is sad and horrible, but that is honestly the best ending that she could have gotten in this game.

the first is definitely not as good as the painful in terms of gameplay, that much i can agree on, but i really think people miss out on a lot by not playing it. i think its really crucial to see lisas life from her own perspective before you can see it from brads - after all, brad may have known more than anyone else about what was going on, but he did not experience it like lisa did. for brad, lisa is a symbol of his own regrets and failures, but lisa was a PERSON (well, in-universe anyway LMAO). she suffered on her own, with pretty much no one to help her, and then she suffered so much that she couldnt take another second of it. 

[isitstraightvodka]

so buckle in: so way back when i was 21 (.. so three years ago) which i know doesnt seem young when you're it, but looking back im like HOLY SHIT i was a BABY, i was at uni (still am) and when i was picking my classes for the semester found it amusing that two of my classes were with the same professor. i'd had him before, he was pretty chill, and ugly as all fuck. like. he was known for being the professor that all the good professor's chucked their shitty classes at bc he'd never published (1)

and anyway it was all good! u know, the classes seemed interesting and i was coming out of a really bad depressive period that had lasted about a year or so and i was, to my mind, Recovered. so that semester i put in a lot of effort into…. pretty much everything. my grades were sky high, i was dressing nicely and doing my hair and makeup, i was moving out of home, i was On My Shit. and it had been a bit of a joke among my friends and i that the prof seemed to quite like me (2)

he was always joking about with me, he handed out extensions to me like candy, and one time he was caught staring down my shirt which. was just sort of Funny at the time because??? this dude is in his late thirties and a bit sad, so whatever you know. it just became a running joke amongst my friends and i that i was going to fuck my professor. until, of course, end of semester came about and he invited the whole class (for one of the units) out for end of semester drinks (3)

and so my friends and i trundled along and got…. fucking obliterated. he did too. and then as the night goes on people start leaving and it somehow ends up just being he and i as i figure out how to order an uber (i’d never used uber before at the time, it was still relatively new in perth) so i can get home. anyway my phone died so i was like… well. Fuck! and he invited me to come to his office and charge my phone. anyway ended up fucking him because im a Disaster who wants validation (4)

and he’s a dickhead in a position of authority exploiting that position and also out relative drunkenness to get a fuck. anyway all good, all fine. the next morning im freaking out like holy shit CAN’T HAPPEN AGAIN to which he’s like. it’s chill, i really like you and im already planning on notifying the university that i cant teach you again which had me like. oh. oh okay? cool. that’s pretty great, thanks.  and he’s like… so like, would u be interested in going on a date? (5)

and im like…… in for a penny, in for a pound right? so. sure, ig, as long as you. file that paperwork, that would be nice i suppose. anyway we end up dating for eight months, i meet his friends, some of his family. it’s all cool, but also im not actually sure if i like him or not or if i just like the fact that someone’s into me? and then i meet a girl through a friend of mine who is like oh man i met this girl i think you’ll get along with you should join us for dinner tonight (6)

so, i do. and while we’re at dinner i mention something about the prof just casually to my friend and the girl stops and goes “oh, you know x?” and im like oh yeah we’ve known each other a while and she sort of went quiet. and then later on she’s like “hey, dont take this offensively, but do you know if x has a history of sleeping with his students?” and im like. alarm bells ringing. like yeah! my dude he sure does! in fact, i’ve been fucking him for 8 months (7) 

and she goes “that motherfucker, i’ve been dating him ‘exclusively’ for five months” :) and so we confronted him and it turned out! he also had a chronically ill fiancee at home! who none of his friends or family that i’d met had said anything about! anyway someone ended up reporting him to the university without our consent and he ended up getting away with the whole thing (and! he never submitted that paperwork lmao). that’s the story of my shitty ex! who i still have to see around campus (8)

tl;dr: don’t fuck people who are in positions of authority over you. even if you think you’ve got control over the situation, you don’t and they Will fuck you over and destroy your mental health!!!!! (9) 

well THAT was one hell of a rollercoaster! men ain’t shit, he is disgusting and I can’t believe you still have to see him, that must be horrible. and he’s a fucking professor, it’s wrong and foul to take advantage of students like that, and he’s engaged too?? like wtf dude, he sure is fucked up for thinking all this is/was ok. i’m fuming, this is why i don’t trust many men bc they’re act in terrible ways, I hope you’ve had/will have better experiences, lo, it’s what’s best for you, and you deserve everything good when it comes to relationship. I pray you never go through something like this again, but thank you for sharing! xx

let’s chat about shitty exes!

[fanfiction-fiend]

Damnit I'm on chapter 40 of Spill Your Guts now. 19 left.

Man, I don't want this to enddddddd! I'm def gonna be rereading it, but I'm having a hell of a time for my first read through.

Again, spoilers under the cut!

I love this, it's been so good so far. I was a little worried the turnaround from enemies to lovers was gonna be awkward, but it's been pretty good. The back and forth and all of that. I like how it's been very solid on everyone's terms. It's not smooth, but ya know, progress isn't linear ;) they're all learning and getting better for eachother, but it's a bumpy road, and they're doing alright.

I've never rly been a fan of Toby, but I like how he's handled and characterized in this fic. Just my own personal preference, idk, I just can't see him in a /r way lmao. No hate on anyone who does, just not for me.

Brian has been so much fun too, I love him he's been fantastic. Just as a whole. From the very beginning when he shot Alexis' tit off. I knew I was gonna love how he was written here. And I do! And he's perfect. And I love it here. The best version of Brian I think I've ever seen. And very respectfully I'm stealing all these headcanons.

I love the whole "They're all my boyfriends, Tim just doesn't know it yet" bc yeah. Yeah. That's exactly what this is. He's always been my favourite and he's taking the longest to cave and it's so fun to watch. The small moments are really feeding me and I know it's just breadcrumbs but I'm starving and that's enough for me. Tim and the mc argue VERY often(sometimes seriously), they hate eachother on the surface. I know there's gonna be more in the next few chapters and I'm so ready for it u don't even know. Even Tim's self sabotaging tendencies rly setting them back, but hopefully it'll be okay.

I really enjoy the hurt/comfort that's been happening in general.

Oh, and the secondhand embarrassment, I L I V E for that in fics. That's why I adored TPI so much. It was such a trainwreck and I felt it so deeply in my bones. Any fic that can make me feel anything is a good fic. This one has me laughing and smiling and cringing. I've been anxious, worried, disgusted, scared, happy, sad. It's been wild and I've loved it so much.

I glossed over the scenes of mc eating Sully bc that's like, the one gore thing I don't handle well, but I mean this in the best way when I say it was so gross and it gave me chills and I had to sit back for a few minutes before I could go back to skimming it. The gore has been EXCELENT I've ADORED it. I love gorey writing. It's been so descriptive, and had a good balance of action and emotions.

One of my fav things though is how the authors treat the characters with a lot of respect. All of them I'd say. Even the ones they've killed off, even Micheal, the dumbass from the beginning who cut the landline in the cabin. I think it's really obvious when a character is just thrown in or written up without any respect. But they all feel like genuine people. Like, I remember all their names, I'm terrible with names. But there's so much effort shown in the little ways that I'm still following it perfectly. They all had motivations and goals and they felt like more than just their tropes. It's either very hit or miss with ocs in fanfiction, but it's done,,,, so so so well in this fic. I've got genuine feelings for all of them. Even if it's just "Henry seemed like a genuinely nice dude and I'm sad he died" it's still feeling something for someone that I knew for maybe 3 chapters 37 chapters ago!!!!!

I had pretty high hopes for this fic, tbh. Just after the prologue I just knew it was going to be good. I'm so glad it's only kept my hopes up, giving me more reasons to love these stupid murder men.

[pokefanbri]

Im still fucking fighting, i keep telling myself im not gonna let go & Fuck everyone else who thinks I should. But sometimes there's the opposite, im just lost & idk what to do....hes not gonna come back...so why should I bother to keep fighting 😔 If someone asks me...

Are they worth it? Absolutely. Because theres always room for improvement & growth, & we've been doing that apart for ourselves now for 7months. Did they give u the respect and attention u deserved? Are we not more valuable than that? Hell no & hell yes lol. Look I was happy just doing that for him but yea when it came to me honestly it was like nah im good 😒 & i know how fucked up it is that id go along with his selfishness but I did. I did deserve better & he knows I did... i just didnt wanna lose him & did anything he needed me for... but I ended up losing him anyway 😔 theres a reason why u work on that kinda shit & grow together as you go so everyone is happy, its fair to say we both lost sight...I was eager to learn everything about him cuz I wanted to be closer...but I was blocked out & pushed away, he wouldn't open up & talk to me or show feelings for anything, even of me when he used to all the time...like he was scared of being too attached or didnt want to get hurt..he didnt trust me or was afraid to show his true self or show any emotion that'd be viewed as weak due to the typical be a man complex. Idk I was confused & didnt know what was needed to help fix things so yea i walked on eggshells & me showing affection of my own free will was out of the question most of the time...I couldn't touch him unless he wanted me to & rare occurrences for my own satisfaction. Its the reason why I cried all the damn time, I felt avoided & unwanted because my own attention lacked pretty badly. How tf do I love a fucknugget bobblehead like that lmao, cuz I dont give 2 flying fucks he was my man ok! & being close enough to him made me happy enough I guess, I still looked at him like he was my world even if I wanted to slap him for making me feel so lonely at the same time. I admit his needs came b4 mine, he liked it more that way & I took care of him more than I did myself. But if he had more effort to take care of my needs in turn & I were happier than I was, & us happy at the same time, then maybe I wouldn't be so hard on myself...cry all the time & smoke like a chimney 🙁

I still don't fully understand why he held back, communicating with me on a deeper level is supposed to be natural & pretty much all normal couples show an appropriate amount of affection & understanding to eachother....but it was kept burried...was he afraid id hate him, judge him, make fun? No, id love him even more! Idc how dark he may think he is or whatever past bs he's gone through or even if he was lying about anything...its okay it can't hurt u anymore dear & we can overcome it just tell me what it is thats lacking & let's fix this. Id say "sit down babe, tell me everything, whats on your mind, what can I do to help 😊" & id give him the most gentle kiss on the forehead. I'd do anything to see a smile from that face & it makes me smile too. I want to help him, he needs somebody to hold just as much as I do cuz the fact of the matter is babe, he's just as broken as I am, we both need someone to put back our pieces & become whole again...after we try doing it solo it can only go so far b4 u want that physical presence of another again to help u more so. He keeps everything bottled up & especially didnt let me see what was happening to him I had no clue, if he didnt like talking to anyone he at least had me but still kept me away from him, whatever it was festered in him & he changed his whole demeanor toward me, he became colder & shut me out for good 😔 Making me feel even more unwanted. We didnt help eachother through our problems & I really wanted to, I wanted to save us for the longest time way b4 the end. Idk maybe if he put in as much effort & we knew how to function better together instead of a Corolla with just 2 wheels then we'd probably be fine...& our suspension wouldn't be dragging on the asphalt 😂 Its not all on him for fault, I take equal amount of responsibility, we failed eachother, we didn't know wtf we were doing & 9/10 it was just friends with benefits with only 1 of us in love & attached, & the other not really caring with side pieces to chat with 🤷‍♀️

U know what 🤬 They're right, he's right, & now I'm actually starting to accept it the more I write. Maybe just maybe,HE DOESN'T DESERVE ME AT ALL. Im still upset and frustrated. To answer the question again from earlier no maybe he's not worth it. I suffered through his bs and 10fold heartbreak afterward!! If he can't own up, right his wrongs & bring us both peace then no he's not worth suffering for afterall, and ive been loving the wrong soul this whole damn time 😣 He kicked me to the curb cuz he a fucking coward! He cant admit his wrongdoings, ask for forgiveness, say im sorry or actually put the tiniest bit of effort into a relationship to make it work, but instead disposes of me so he wouldn't have to confront any of it & just continue on like nothing happened are fucking kidding me!!?? I thought u were smarter than this, its beneath you to just run away & pretend I never mattered to you when we both know I did!!!....& im crying again. Im still feeling the betrayal apparently, ill never be able to trust him fully again anyway, let alone other men now. I dont hate you, I love you very much. But I hate the evil from you that you've shown me. I should've known honestly, I was naive to see all types of disrespect but this was the worst part. I still love him but i do deserve better than that & I hope he's changed his ways. Trust a guy with a high track record of ladies & a handful of em in their hand..what u think 🤔 can trust be gained back? Can I get over the bad uncalled for lying shit he's said about me to other women to make himself look better? Idk 🤷‍♀️ I haven't been able to rest without closure for so long, but enough is enough im making my own. You're absolutely right, you'd just manipulate me further, I thought maybe we could be better than before...round 2 at some point in the future...but maybe we're not salvageable after all. Thats up to u, I did everything I could, but now if u were to ever come back idk if I'd jump into your arms or slam the door in your face, I just dont know. Its better that I try never speaking of u again, or think of you for as long as I can so that I can heal better....cuz loving you even after the fact is tearing me apart & making me lose focus on what matters more, myself. I fought valiantly as long as I could, 7 months is a long time to not shut up about u lol.. maybe you've been hearing me I wouldn't know. I have to force it or ill never be able to, ill still silently grieve but as much as it hurts, Its time. U were my rock, an asshole but a good one, the best gamer I got to know, a boss at alot of things, with the cutest lil butt, & somehow the love of my life. Other than maybe something valentines or anniv related in Feb ofcourse....Ur getting what u wanted, I have to do whats best for me now, I have to let u go. I held on for so long but Im really tired & emotionally drained, im just torturing myself when i need to stop, im defeated, nobody won anything, everyone got hurt in 2020 why should our relationship be any different, id say we gave it our all be we both know we didnt. This hurts me so much to do, like my heart is breaking again. Bye babe, I love you with all my heart. 💋💞 💟

I tried to do what I could but if he left, I just gotta try to move on. If I take him back, I gotta consider how that's gonna look like & if I really got past the damage he did....obviously theres some I still haven't 😔 Its what im telling myself while trying to move past this. Others going through the same...We're in love and they ain't. We can't control their actions but we can control our actions. Im not a toxic person..only to myself, I love with all my heart, nobody bothers to understand...they just judge

[pokefanbri]

You and me, we had it..we so did u know...at some point or in some ways anyway. What happened to them, ill never know. But I miss those guys man 😂...they were great together even if the mentality wasn't the best on either end & he lost interest less than 2 months in living together 😒. But they was chill af 😊, despite any darkness. Girl learned many things..fucking bought a car for the 1st time. I had home on the other side of the damn continent lmao..i never dreamed id live outside Tucson again. Drove a lawn mower for the 1st time...holding onto him at the back of one 😔 the sunglasses was a tragedy lol. We played video games together, watched the birds at the feeder & drank coffee in the morning sitting there looking at the wildlife & chatting 😌 I'll really miss someone being there to help me with back pimples, massages & backscratches that I can't reach lol. If all that & more we did together ain't cute couple shit idk what is lol, thats the shit id live for any fucking time.

I wouldn't give any of it back, cause those among many great times shared...are the memories I hold dear to my heart & always cherish. Many 1st times thx to this wonderful guy i had the pleasure of knowing in my life. He may not appreciate what we had, but i sure as hell fucking do. It all meant something to me, & yes he meant so much to me I won't deny it.

But ive accepted this shitty year for what it is, & it did make me wanna shake my hands in the sky & tell God himself its not fair & I didn't deserve this 😔 But I'd see this dude again one day & maybe thats a chance for the genuine goodbye i missed before. He's still an asshole & knows it..i looked up to him but know better than to be so naive & hurt again by anyone 😏

But...im staying positive, ive forgiven alot & letting go..dwelling on it too much til it fades but it hurts & i cant have that. Taking care of myself is important, im moving past the bad, remembering the good, & moving forward the best i can. Missing him resonates in the back if my mind but im doing okay. Im definitely feeling better, dont feel as bad anymore..a huge relief almost. I was hurt & betrayed pretty bad in this relationship than any other 😔 the typical lies about me to cover his own ass afterward are still like stabs to the heart, so ofcourse its hard..probably talks bad about me for no reason still when I damn well know better, but I have no control over that. Never been through a heartbreak this bad before I tell ya 😅 was so damn difficult & still hurts but not as much.

But thats that, 🤷‍♀️ Onto something new, I want someone that mutually handles my heart with just as much care & effort, I wanna have a blast with someone again, a new adventure. I just hope I find him at all..if at all 😣

I need to stop whining about it for 1, but I just want what everyone does. Sucks that I had it twice for that matter & lost em 🤦‍♀️ damn im disappointed in myself too. My choices guide my path & im going somewhere I guess, but ive accepted at the end of the day u experience & grow from the people u meet along the way right🤷‍♀️ nomatter how hard it hurts 😔 dealing with the heartache can be physically painful when it hits & this one has topped way tougher to go through than 2 experienced b4 it, & I don't ever wanna experience it again. So im done with it, put my sorrow aside for later if I must but I cant be depressed when I can focus my energy on something else. Me my self & I 😌 is holding up okay all things considered

https://open.spotify.com/track/71ehTADpxs85ULrZgSEKCy?si=tKTOa1zpRkWc6NZPSEJPkw

https://youtu.be/i-qT5n_5Mys 👋