#like he’s not only our first rival but he’s the only rival who is actually on somewhat friendly terms with the ovenist

[suhkusa]

TO THE TOP.

PAIRING. Sakusa Kiyoomi x f!Reader

SUMMARY. Sakusa Kiyoomi was ranked #1 in his class. Was, at least until you came along. After this revelation, he makes it a (personal) challenge to overtake you. Sakusa Kiyoomi is a genius at everything he does, but for once he finds it a challenge when it comes to you.

CW. hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, rivals to lovers except kiyoomi is the only one competing, idiots in love (but theyre actually geniuses), high school setting, ~3k words

A/N. Got inspired from a tiktok and came up with this word vom hope u enjoy

Everything came easy for Kiyoomi. Academically, at least.

While all his classmates found themselves struggling to take tests or study, it was as natural as breathing for Kiyoomi. There were some cons to being as incredibly intelligent as him, but he found himself drowning in the gratification of being #1. 

At least until the 2nd semester of his third year. At least until you.

———

Class Rank: 2

Sakusa finds himself staring at the transcript in his hand, as if his ogling would have an effect in changing the number presented before him.

His eyes scan through his class history, looking for any clues as to how he might’ve dropped in ranking. But there was nothing. All A’s, and as many extra classes stuffed into each year as possible. 

Kiyoomi’s home room was rowdy as students caught up with one another, as winter break had just ended. While in his own little world, his ears catch onto a couple of words his classmates threw around.

“I heard Sakusa isn’t the top in our class anymore, is that true?”

“Woah, hasn’t he been the top of our class since the 1st year? I wonder who was able to catch up,”

His eye twitched a bit at that one.

“It was that new girl, Y/N,”

The paper crumbled slightly under his grasp. Y/N?

The ring of the bell, signifying the start of class, caused him to slightly jump in his seat. Kiyoomi crumbles his transcript before tossing it in his bag, it’s going to change soon anyways.

He would just have to step up his game.

———

It was ironic really. The world really loved to test Sakusa Kiyoomi, and not only at his school subjects. Of course, you were his desk partner in his math class. Only he had the amazing luck of being seated next to his new self-declared rival.

Kiyoomi knows it’s rude to stare, but he can’t himself because you’re the number one student? You?!

Honestly, you don’t seem like the academic type. You seem too pretty to be caring about stuff like that. At first, he considers the fact that you could be using your looks to get people to do the dirty work for you. But he witnesses first-hand as you write down every math equation, answer every question correctly, and even check your work not once, but twice.

His hyperfixation on you is bad. So bad, he missed the whole introduction lesson and is trying to rapidly copy down what’s on the whiteboard as the teacher is erasing it. Fuck-

“Would you like to see my notes?”

Kiyoomi’s pencil comes to a halt as he looks back at you, your papers are being pushed towards him on the desk. He watches as your eyes widen, as if you suddenly became self conscious. 

“I-Is there something on my face? You were staring at me so I wasn’t sure…”

Shit. 

“No,” he tries to make up something, but what comes out of his mouth is stupid, “I was just looking past you,” it appears it’s sufficient though, as you nod in response.

“I see, well, did you want to see them?” you gestured to the notes between the two of you.

Kiyoomi tells himself that if you hadn’t offered, he wouldn’t have asked. But since you oh so kindly offered them up, who was he to say no? He doesn’t need them. He could always ask his cousin, though his handwriting resembles chicken scratch more than human writing.

“Sure,” he takes the papers and positions them in a way where he could just look between them and his own.

In his head, Kiyoomi is scolding himself over and over again for not paying attention. This cannot be a regular thing. If he was going to take back his rank, he needed to be on his A-Game. 

His pencil slaps against his desk as he finishes, quickly sliding your papers back towards you.

“Thanks,” Kiyoomi offers.

He watches from his peripheral vision as you smile and give back an “Anytime,” before gathering your things and getting up to go to your next class.

Kiyoomi doesn’t know what it was about you, but he could tell he was going to need to up his game. This was war.

———

By the second week of sitting by you, he decides you’re annoying. More annoying than the people who talk while the teacher is talking. Which, in his book, is hard to beat.

Maybe you weren’t as smart as he pinned you to be, since you kept helping Kiyoomi with his work when he did not need it. 

Though, you were only able to backseat his work because you somehow finished before him. He’s used to being the only one who sits back and relaxes as the rest of his class struggles to complete the practice problems. 

It’s weird though. Because as much as Sakusa hates your yapping, he doesn’t find himself putting an end to it. Instead your voice plays in the background as he completes his work.

He hates it, or at least that’s what he tells himself, the way you praise him like a little kid when he finally completes the work sheet. 

“Nice job!” you smile at him, “but, how come you don’t check your work to make sure you’re right?”

“Because I’m always right,” he replies with a slight roll of his eyes.

You laugh at that, I’m not joking, he thinks.

“You’re funny, you know that?” you tell him. 

Kiyoomi gives you a shrug, “Whatever,”

———

A month in, he begins to indulge in your shenanigans. But only because he had felt bad.

During the third week of sitting by each other, you had taken his short and dry responses personally. You halted your chatter and no longer offered to help like you usually did. The way the classroom felt quiet without your talking was eerie, so Sakusa reluctantly decided that he’d rather hear your voice instead of nothing at all. 

So a month in is when your friendship, or whatever you called it, began with him.

“Why do you use erasable pens? Just use a pencil,” he questions you, eyes peering down at your pen.

You look taken aback as you respond, “I don’t know, is there something wrong with it?” you examine your pen, “I just found it on the floor and stuck with it,”

First of all, gross, remind him not to touch you or your belongings ever. “It’s just a hassle, sometimes it doesn’t erase,”

“Well, it hasn’t given me any problems, so!” you exclaim as you get back to write on your practice quiz. “This is kind of challenging, huh?”

“Nah,” he lies, “You’re just stupid,”

You laugh in his face, “Rude,” Kiyoomi watches as you glimpse at his paper before going back to yours, “That’s why you got the first problem wrong and I didn’t say anything,” 

Sakusa can feel his eyebrows scrunch up, he’s quick as he glances at it and then yours. Fuck. He’s mumbling something under his breath and he begrudgingly erases the circle around his answer. 

“Told ya,” you smile before moving onto the last problem, “you know, we should hangout or something,”

“No,” he’s quick to cut you off, catching you by surprise.

“Whaaat, it doesn’t have to be like that, weirdo,” it seems like you’re going back on what you meant, “Like to study,”

“Still, no,”

“C’mon, don’t knock it till you try it,” you nudge at him, and to be honest, if you were anyone else he might’ve punched you, “please, just once,”

You’re annoying and pushy. But he supposes that if saying yes to you would get you to leave him alone, he’d say, “Fine, whatever, it has to be my house, though. Your house is probably messy,”

Kiyoomi watches as your face slowly brightens before silently celebrating to yourself as you get your way with him once again.

———

“Wow,” you’re amazed as you walk through Sakusa’s house, “your house is so nice, do you have a maid to keep it clean or something?”

“No, just me,” he says before leading you into his room, “please don’t make a mess,”

“I won’t, I won’t,” you say before settling down on his rug, playing with the soft threads, “Okay, I was hoping to review the practice quiz, I know the teacher said I got it right but I feel like there were some parts that had me second guessing myself,”

You’re quick to open up your textbook and blab about whatever problem you were having trouble with. You actually came over to study. Kiyoomi was under the impression that once you got over to his house you’d make him do whatever silly shit you usually have in mind. But no, you actually respected his wishes. Which in turn, earned you some respect from him as well.

“So you’re number one, huh?” He asks, looking up from his textbook to meet your eyes.

“Yeah, but it’s surprising that all my credits from my old school carried over,” you mindlessly say as you continue to write on your sheet of paper.

The sound of the pencils scribbling on paper fills the room before you interrupt it, “You were rank one before I came, right?”

His pencil stills, “Mhm,” It was a touchy subject, though he never thought he’d hear it from you.

“I’m sorry,” you surprised him, “When I found out I took your ranking spot, I was nervous because people are serious about that stuff. And then, when I got seated by you and you stared me down, I thought you hated my guts,”

Well, you had it down to the T, but he wouldn’t tell you that. 

“You don’t have to apologize, it’s out of your control,” you smile at his words.

“Thank you,”

It’s then, in his room, when he realizes he’s losing sight of his goal. To overtake your position. As he watched you look back down at your textbook, he found himself locking in as well. 

He needed to get serious, now.

———

These hangouts, or study dates, or study hangouts, whatever, became basically practice. Always at his house, though. Since he couldn’t fathom the idea of how dirty your room might be. 

“I don’t know how you balance volleyball and school, Omi,” you say from your position lying on his floor.

“Don’t call me that,”

You laugh before continuing, “All I do is school and I’m always exhausted. I had to quit my shifts at the cafe down the road because I would fall asleep before making it to my room,”

“Dangerous, Y/N,” he says, frantically writing down practice problem after practice problem. 

Picking yourself off the ground, “Wow, you’re serious about this final, huh, Omi,”

He glares at you, causing you to laugh again, “Sorry, sorry,” your eyes meet his for a brief second before he looks back at his paper, “but you know it’s okay to take a break, right, that’s all you’ve been doing. We haven’t even gotten to try to compete for today’s Wordle yet,”

“Mhm,” is all he offers you.

You sigh in response to that, “Boring, so boring,” you say as you lay back down

“You can go home if you’re bored,”

“Ugh, rude,” you roll around to make yourself comfortable, “I would but sadly I like being in your presence,”

“Whatever you say,”

“Do you like being in mine?” you question, causing Sakusa to hesitate on the problem he was on.

“You’re tolerable,”

You find yourself cheesing, “That’s a yes in my book,”

———

Finals are coming up. There’s so much on your mind, that you finally decide to let one of the thoughts that have been driving you crazy go. The fact that you like Sakusa Kiyoomi. 

It’s nerve wracking. Not only because you’re basically confessing your feelings, but also because he’s your only friend you’ve made since being here. A lot of people think he’s rude and condescending, but to you he’s different. 

He lets you talk your head off about whatever your brain decides fits best. And while he gives you short responses, they show you that he’s listening and observant. He’s on your level regarding academics and can keep up to your train of thought. He just cares.

And while you hope he might feel the same despite only knowing you for the past couple of months, you chalk it up to fate as to whether or not your intuition is correct.

As you approach the gymnasium, you slow and quiet your steps as you hear familiar voices by the entrance.

“You’ve been hanging out with Y/N quite a bit, huh, cous’? Your mom told mines,” you assume is Komori based on his words.

“Yes. It’s not like that, though,” you recognize as Sakusa. 

You assume he might be fronting since it is his cousin, and feelings are embarrassing at times.

“C’mon, you can’t tell me you don’t like her, she’s like one of the prettiest girls in class and she’s smart. So like, your type,” Komori pushes. And while part of you likes that he said that, you soon take it back after Kiyoomi’s words.

“I don’t like her. I only put up with her because she’s so pushy and always hovers over me while I try to do my work. Plus, she took my ranking spot,”

The world feels silent for a second, the only sound audible to you is the sound of your heart slowly breaking.

“She’s just a nuance, honestly,”

Your feet are moving before you realize. Slowly backing away before running the opposite direction.

He doesn’t like you? You were right that he hates you because you’re number one? He let you into his house but only because you pushed him? Your thoughts are running faster than your own legs, you don’t even realize the drips of water slowly running down your cheeks. 

If number one was what he wanted, then you were going to give it to him.

———

Kiyoomi finds it weird. Finds you weird. Well, he’s always found you weird, but particularly as of recent. But only because you’re quiet. And have been for the past couple of days. 

At first, he assumes it’s because the finals had finally arrived and you wanted to focus on your work. Which, respect, because it also allowed him to focus on his own. 

But even after the finals had passed, you were still quiet. You opted for doodling in your notebook instead of talking to him about a new video game you’ve hyper fixated on or this new show you started to watch. 

It’s even weirder when the teacher is going around passing out the graded math finals, that he stops by your desk, letting out a whispered, ���I’m disappointed in you, Y/N,” 

Kiyoomi hears, and it calls his attention towards your paper before even his own. His eyes widened.

A big, fat, red 0 marked at the top of your quiz.

“Y/N-”

“Are you happy now, Number 1?” you ask, still looking down at your paper.

He’s about to ask you what the hell you’re talking about before the bells conveniently cut him off, allowing you to take off without a second glance back at him.

His mind is caught up on your words, Number 1. Kiyoomi has never brought up his disdain regarding the rankings to you, ever. Yes, it bothered him at first. But eventually he didn’t mind it, since the only person he’d ever allow to be above him is you. 

Kiyoomi thinks back on any time he’s ever mentioned it before he remembers the one time he had ever verbally brought it up to anyone. But there was no way… unless.

Fuck, Sakusa thinks as the bright red 100 on his paper stares back at him. It mocked him, poking at his head uncomfortably. Without a second thought, he crumbles the paper before stuffing it into his bag. Kiyoomi had finally gotten back what he’s been working for this whole time, so why does he feel empty?

Kiyoomi realizes then that while you may have lost your Rank 1 position, he was the true loser. Because he didn’t have you.

———

He finds himself at your door before he even knows it. He’s giving an excuse of “she left her notebook,” to your parents as they direct him to where your room is. 

When he finally walks in, he’s shocked. Your room is clean. 

Even as you lay in your bed so peacefully, the space around you is clean, and he feels like it’s safe to walk in. 

“Y/N,” is his first attempt at waking you up, before he’s walking closer to your bed, crouching down a bit to pat your back, “Y/N,” again.

It’s by the fourth or fifth time that he calls your name that you finally look up at him, and you look heavenly.

He’s always known you were pretty, but even more so now you were gorgeous, hair messy, eyes droopy with sleepiness. You were perfect.

Your eyes blink a couple times before you look like you’ve processed who is standing before you. Quickly sitting up, hands moving every which way to fix your appearance, “Omi- I mean Sakusa what are- what do you want?”

Ouch.

“You need to leave, I-I don’t want to see you,” your voice is beginning to tremble and it hurts him, “You finally got what you wanted, I don’t know what more you want,”

“You, I want you,”

Your face drops in disbelief, “No, you don’t. I heard you, what you said,”

“Y/N-”

“No, you hurt me, Kiyoomi. I like you,” you cry, “You can’t just say all of that and then show up out of nowhere claiming otherwise,”

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he’s kneeling now, allowing him to be the same height as you as you sit in your bed, weeping, “I-I’m sorry,”

His rough thumb smoothes away your tears as they fall, “I didn’t mean it, I was frustrated- and that’s no excuse for what I said, I fucked up really bad,” with every word another sob breaks loose from you, “And I’m sorry,”

“At first, all I ever wanted was to be rank #1, but then you came along and changed everything… Then I realized that it wasn’t being #1 I wanted, it was you,” he continues, “and that’s scary, because my ranking was all I’ve known all these years,”

“But even so, you made it okay. I was okay with being #2, I was so caught up in you that I forgot I ever wanted to be #1 in the first place,” your eyes finally meet behind the thick tears in your lashes, “I like you, Y/N,”

He can tell you’re at a loss for words. And for once he can finally say he has out-talked you. 

Until finally, you decide words aren’t sufficient in this situation. Before he knows it, you’re leaning forward, and your lips are on his. The kiss is short, but definitely more than a peck. But it felt infinite to Kiyoomi. He never wanted the moment to end, and found himself sad as you finally pulled away.

You stared him down for a brief second before tackling him down to the ground in a big hug, “I hate you, Omi,” you laugh angrily.

“Sure,” he smugly replies, watching as you smile into his shirt.

“My number one,” you sarcastically mutter as you fake pout at him.

He cringes, “Ugh, don’t. I feel guilty, why would you even do that? You’re crazy,”

“Because I don’t care about the ranking. I never did. Plus it somehow only dropped me to #2 since the rest of our class failed and I’ve taken too many extra classes,” you say, “I only cared about you,” 

Kiyoomi smiles at you before crushing you in his hug. 

Everything came easy for Kiyoomi. Especially now, his feelings for you.

© all writings belongs to suhkusa 2024. do not repost or change.

[francis-writes]

Hiii! can i request what feyd would do if he gets jealous/possessive of his wife/partner? i just have a feeling that he would go absolutely feral. thank you sm! after dune 2 ive been searching her feyd stories everywhere!

READER IS GENDER NEUTRAL

A/N: thanks! I had crush on him since i read the book but now fortunately there is much more about him. I am still obsessed with him but for next week I may publish less often because of university and personal stuff

First of all, you're absolutely right. Not that Feyd is self-conscious. He thinks about himself as a perfect partner, a main prize, so he isn't afraid that you would find someone better than him.

But it doesn't change the fact that he doesn't like the idea of you being out of his control or someone else seducing you. (He trusts you but there's never enough caution, world is full of dangers; also with his position it is possible that someone could try to take you away just to get a revenge on Feyd)

I already wrote a scenario where somebody flirted with his crush and lemme tell you, nothing changes when Feyd is in established relationship. If anything, he only gets more possesive.

Of course, there are many different possible scenarios. His reaction depends on whether there's actual reason to worry or he just has suspicions, whether somebody flirts with you or just gets to close to you, whether it's a stranger, an acquaintance, a family. Is it a noble, a common person etc. But lets just speak about some possibilities

If you were somewhere in public, perhaps on some official party, and Feyd notices that somebody is flirting with you, he quickly drops whatever he's doing and comes to you. Keeping his calm posture, he joins the conversation and makes sure to emphasize that you're HIS partner and you aren't looking for anybody else. Feyd keeps his arm around your waist, starts talking about how happy you are together (constatly repeating "MY love", "MY spouse", "OUR family" etc). He's not that much into PDA and being soft publicly but he kissess you as hungrily and as long as possible. People on the party feel a bit awkward but the point is made.

If potential rival is going to far with their advances and acts too bold, or if it's a less public situation (for example a common afternoon in Harkonnen's residency) then it's very likely that Feyd would use violence, perhaps treating that person like he treated Rabban in the movie (throwing him on the floor and forcing to lick Feyd's boots), no matter the status of that person (unless it would be Emperor himself... I think). Maybe instead of boot-licking (or in addition to it), he would force them to admit that you're Feyd's and they had no right to mess with his possesions (even if your relationship is pretty healthy, Feyd still treats you as his possesion and he's very territorial)

Or maybe if somebody flirts with you more subtly, there's a possibility that Feyd will fuck you in a near room so everybody knows what happen because 1. He knows how to make you scream 2. It's pretty obvious from your disheveled look later. And this can happen no matter whether the flirt happened on a party (and all the nobles have to wittness this little show) or on a common day (and the only recipient of this show is his rival and maybe some poor servants).

When there's no direct threat to your relationship, he still acts pretty possesive. Feyd likes to know where and how do you spend your day (though he really likes if you spend your time with him and if you're interested, he engages you into his duties and takes to fight trainings). He wants you to inform him about your plans and he may or may not make sure that servants observe you. It isn't spying. It's just curiosity and making sure that you're safe.

Also. If Feyd was going to fight with somebody and that person acted the same way as he did with Paul and Chani ("Who is the little one, a pet perhaps? Will she deserve my special attentions?"), Feyd would be fucking livid (kinda hypocritical but that's what we love him for). That person wouldn’t survive to see the next day. And if he left them alive, it would be only to torture them and teach them how messing with his close ones ends.

[lestappenforever]

I think Max has developed a new level of respect for Charles. Now that he finds himself in a situation that Charles has been in many times, namely a crappy car, an inconsistent team that makes mistakes. I think he has even more realized how talented Charles is to have managed to still be at the top, give good results and save his team despite all that.

Anon, given the amount of time Charles has already struggled with this in Ferrari, I don't think Max's respect for him is anything new. Not to mention the fact that Max also spent several years competing in a car that wasn't exactly performing all that well prior to winning his first WDC in 2021. Max made his F1 debut in 2015, after all, and it's not like he's been dominating since that day. Our favorite Dutchman is quite familiar with the struggles of subpar machinery himself prior to this season.

If there is one driver on the grid - and one person in the world in general - who has always been acutely aware of how exceptionally talented Charles is despite the dreadful machinery, and at times team, he's working with, and who has never once doubted Charles' ability as a driver regardless of results, it's Max. Hell, our boy has been praising Charles to the high heavens since his emotional support rival made it into F1, regardless of how Charles' car and team were performing. So I will have to disagree with you here, because that respect has always been there and I don't think it's anything new for Max at all.

What I do think Max has gained with the issues Red Bull has been experiencing this season, however, is a new level of realizing just how unhinged Charles Leclerc actually is. He has watched that man drag several versions of that red tractor to positions it has had no business being, year after year after year, while also dealing with a team who has lived on nothing but historic glory for 15+ years. He has watched Charles be fueled by but nothing but athletic insanity, rage, unparalleled stubbornness and the love of the Tifosi for years while his biggest (and most favorite, don't even try to fight me on this) rival has made F1 history repeatedly.

If anything, the only new thing Max has developed for Charles this season is that weird kind of fear you only feel towards someone who absolutely terrifies you, while still being the single most attractive and appealling person you have ever met.

[victimsofyaoipoll]

Finals

Propaganda Under Cut

Sakura Haruno

Her husband is gay and her author doesn't know how to write women. So many people say she's the worst but she. DESERVES. BETTER!!! Save her from this franchise.

My baby girl my bestie my best friend. She committed the crime of um being written by kishimoto who both doesn’t know how to write women and somehow writes men in the gayest way possible specifically naruto and sasuke. Like the thing is naruto and sasuke ARE gay and also she gets so much hate for the crime of kishimoto writing her one dimensionally in love with sasuke. I know her personally she is a butch lesbian to me just trust me she’s in love with Ino and has a lesbian thing going on with Karin okay just trust me. My everything. She needs to divorce the loveless lavender marriage she’s in 

What is there to say, even? The OG Threat to my 90s anime brain, the only woman I've ever hated with such a passion she made me turn away from the color pink. I used to write fics with my friend where she got left behind on purpose so our OCs could join the Naruto and Sasuke team instead. I loathed this bitch until I was 16 and realized the author simply couldnt write women and decided it was time to make peace with Sakura. It is not her fault she's vaguely written and obsessive over Sasuke. She deserves better. Sasuke and Naruto still should be together and Sakura shouldnt be with Sasuke but I no longer believe this because I hate Sakura, it is because I love her. She deserves a spouse who will actually put in the time to treat her like the hero she is.

Misa Amane

she gets treated in-canon the way fandoms treat female characters that Threaten an m/m ship. it's like, "oh why don't you go sit in the corner and be pretty, misa, while the Men have intelligent conversation and pretend they aren't ten seconds from fucking each other, doesn't that sound nice?" it's infuriating. and MAYBE it's better now but i remember her getting treated the same way in fanfiction too, like we all need to do just as badly by our female secondary characters as fucking tsugumi ohba, but with the added insult of making her be alternately oblivious of the relationship between light and L or actively trying to sabotage it—incompetently, of course, because god forbid misa be allowed dignity or moments of cleverness.

she's one of the first characters I think of when I consider old school fandom misogyny. The annoying bitch and clingy crazy gf allegations were AFTER HER ASS. She's also a lot more intelligent than people gave her credit for, but most seem inclined to take the Very Biased word of our unreliable, narcissistic narrator and his homoerotic arch nemesis and claim that just because she's bubbly and into romance that she's also a complete moron. Which is blatantly untrue. Everyone was afraid of Misa girlbossing too hard. Killing people and devoting yourself to the deranged twink of your dreams even though you know he'll never love you back??? Having a hardcore goth aesthetic and being so Hot even literal Death Gods are into you?? God forbid women do ANYTHING!

Not only is she the victim of yaoi culture, she is the victim of early 2000s misogyny by an author that wanted to introduce a girl character because he knew his male rivals were getting too homoerotic. She is a goth bimbo icon who portrays what I think is one of the few callouts for stan culture and what parasocial relationships can do to both the stan and the idol. The fact that she is a toxic fan of Kira and also hot, funny, sociable is tragic in its own way, which I think the author did try to touch on but was too misogynistic too really get through. Of course, she was reduced to villain status by the fandom and anime alike because she got in the way of the supposed romance in their psychological horror anime

[eve-dawntower]

Treasure (Rafayel x MC)

Rafayel used to have all your attention, but now a rival has arrived. Who would have thought that the most formidable rival he'll ever get is his own flesh and blood?

Warning: None

Pairing: Rafayel x Reader

Tags: Fluff

Rafayel was truly happy when he found out he was going to be a father. I mean, a child is a combination of a small bit of him and a small bit of you, right? He was genuinely ready to become a father despite whatever nonsense Thomas was spouting. But what he wasn't ready for was you focusing all your attention on the half-merman toddler the two of you had created.

Rafayel glared at the small being splashing in the swimming pool in the middle of the baby room. The water in the pool was actually seawater and at the same temperature as the deep waters. Normally, Lemurian children could withstand the temperature above the sea, but babies and toddlers can't. It was all thanks to the protocore technology that they were able to create a baby room appropriate for a half-Lemurian and half-human brat. Brat. That's right. That's what he called his own spawn.

The toddler giggled as you tickled him, making Rafayel pout more. Why was he getting all your attention? The first few months after the baby was born were fine, but he's already eight months old! Isn't it about time for you to turn all your attention back to him, the father?

"At what age will he be able to learn to change his tails to legs?" you asked, not taking your eyes off your son. See? You can't even spare him a small glance, even though you're asking him questions!

"Around three or four. I still need to teach him how. But it's still up to him if he'll be able to master it or not. Not every Lemurian is capable of doing it. Only the talented ones," he replied sullenly.

Noticing that familiar tone, you turned to look at him, and for the first time, you realized he was pouting.

"What's the matter?" you asked him.

"Nothing," he turned away and stomped out of the room.

You look back to your son who was playing around the pool, oblivious to his father's mood.

Days turned into weeks, and Rafayel's frustration lingered. His days were now filled with a mix of responsibilities and longing for the attention he once had. The house echoed with the occasional splash from the baby room, where your son continued to explore his aquatic abilities under your devoted guidance.

One evening, as the sun dipped below the horizon, you found Rafayel brooding in the dimly lit living room. The soft glow revealed the depth of his emotions, and you couldn't ignore the strain on the relationship.

"Rafayel, we need to talk," you said, settling beside him. He sighed, reluctantly turning to face you.

"It's just... I feel like I've become a background character in my own story. Our story," he confessed, his eyes reflecting a mix of frustration and vulnerability.

You took his hand, reassuringly squeezing it. "I understand it's been an adjustment, but our son needs our attention. We can find a balance."

He nodded, but the ache in his eyes lingered. The following days, you made a conscious effort to involve Rafayel in the daily routines with your son, trying to bridge the emotional gap that had grown.

However, the problem with Rafayel was that he's very stubborn, and no matter how hard he tried, it was difficult for him not to be salty about how much attention his son was getting from you.

One day, you were suddenly called into a mission. Normally, Thomas takes care of your son when you're away, but Thomas is away for now, and calling a babysitter is obviously not an option. After all, you can't let anyone know about your half-Lemurian child. Left with no choice, you have to leave the child in Rafayel's care.

"Rafayel, please take very good care of him," you said, looking at him with a comically desperate expression.

Rafayel gave you a very offended look. "What do you think of me?! Incapable of taking care of my own child?!"

The conversation you had regarding what he was feeling about your child having all your attention lingers in your mind, but you decide to shake it off. Rafayel dislikes cats, but he took good care of one for you back then. What more if it's his flesh and blood? Despite what he was feeling, he wouldn't be irresponsible, right?

You nodded and planted a small kiss on the child's temple before leaving.

Rafayel stared at the doorway with an offended and exaggerated expression of shock.

"She didn't kiss me goodbye!"

The toddler giggled, making Rafayel turn to glare at him.

As Rafayel continued to glare at the toddler, the little mischief-maker seized the opportunity and splashed a handful of water in Rafayel's direction, prompting an unexpected reaction.

Rafayel dramatically recoiled, clutching his heart with mock horror. "Assaulted by a baby! This is outrageous!"

The toddler found this uproarious and burst into giggles, thoroughly enjoying the water-based escapade. Rafayel, however, continued his theatrics, staggering around the room as if gravely wounded.

"You've wounded me, my aquatic progeny! I'm a victim of watery aggression!" Rafayel declared, sinking to his knees in a theatrical display of defeat.

Your son, finding this turn of events entertaining, crawled over to Rafayel and patted him on the head. Rafayel seized the opportunity to cradle the toddler in his arms, feigning weakness.

"Ah, the betrayer himself consoles the wounded party. What a world!" Rafayel exclaimed dramatically, earning more giggles from the toddler.

The baby room transformed into a stage for this impromptu comedy, with Rafayel playing the role of the aggrieved victim. Despite the initial frustration, the absurdity of the situation broke the tension, and laughter echoed through the house.

Rafayel sighed after a few moments. "I wonder if your mommy still loves me. It's unfair! I'm the first! Why does it seem that she loves you more?" He whined as he poked the baby's nose, making him laugh. "Yeah, keep laughing at me. Pour more salt on your father's wound." He sighed. "I don't really hate you or anything. I mean, how can I? You're my son. Your mommy's and mine's son. But it really makes me sad how I ended up being shoved aside when you arrive in our life."

Just then, the child dragged himself off his father and slowly pulled himself towards the drawer. Rafayel watched him and mentally compare him to a seal.

The baby then looked at Rafayel, then back to the drawer, babbling.

"What is it?" Rafayel approached his son questioningly.

The child babbled as if trying to communicate with him.

Rafayel sighed. "I really don't have any idea what you're trying to say."

Pouting with a pout that resembles his, the child tried to reach and pulled lower the drawer handle.

"Hey, don't!"

Rafayel grabbed him away from it, making the child look at him in displeasure.

Rafayel groaned. "I guess Thomas is right. You really do look like a spitting image of me, especially when you're unhappy. Fine. You want to open this?"

Rafayel pulled the bottom drawer open, where he saw a book. He took it out and inspected it.

"What's this?" he muttered as he sat on the couch with the baby on his lap. He flipped the first page and realized it's like a diary. Only, it was a diary of your pregnancy.

When you were pregnant, you decided to write all your thoughts in it and how you felt at that time. Rafayel was unaware of it.

He started to read what you wrote.

"Rafayel is always childish and insufferable. He always annoys me, and sometimes I really want to choke him..."

"What the heck?! Is this all about her complaints about me?!"

The baby chuckled as if understanding what his father was saying.

Rafayel glanced at him. "Your mother... Seriously..." He shook his head and flipped to the next page, reading the contents.

More complaints about him were written. The farther he got, the harsher her words became. By the time he was halfway, he was more than ready to burn the diary. But then...

"Rafayel might not be the most mature guy out there, but he is really trying. Despite my mood swings and weird cravings, he was there, never leaving my side. Even if he always ends up receiving my anger, he never retaliated. Well, after I cried when he talked back once, he stop with his sassy remarks. I guess my cries traumatized him. Haha. If you gave me a chance to exchange him with someone else, I'll never do it. Because he's the only man I ever loved and will always love. He is also the one who gave me my treasure. My child."

As Rafayel read the diary, the realization dawned on him that, during your pregnancy, you had poured your heart onto those pages. The entries spoke volumes about the emotional journey you went through, and he found himself becoming a central figure in the narrative.

In the heartfelt words, you described how Rafayel was your pillar of support, always there to ease your fears and celebrate every milestone. The diary chronicled his late-night runs to satisfy your sudden cravings, the countless moments of reassurance, and the joy he brought into the preparations for the baby's arrival.

As Rafayel continued reading, a mix of emotions played on his face—astonishment, gratitude, and a touch of humility. It was a revelation that he had been a vital part of your pregnancy, more than he had realized.

He glanced at the baby in his lap, who seemed fascinated by the unfolding drama. Rafayel couldn't help but smile, a newfound warmth settling in his heart.

"I had no idea," he murmured, a genuine appreciation for the role he played during those months.

The entries continued to paint a picture of a loving partnership, with Rafayel actively participating in creating a nurturing environment for the upcoming addition to the family. He discovered how, despite his initial grumblings, he had been a source of strength for you.

Closing the diary, Rafayel looked at his son with a newfound understanding. The baby, sensing his father's softened demeanor, reached out and touched Rafayel's cheek, as if acknowledging the unspoken connection.

He hugged the baby. "If she consider you a treasure that I gave her, it makes sense how much she cares about you." He kissed his son's temple. "I also care about you but I guess I just felt so left out, I started seeing you as a rival. I promise it will never happen again."

With the diary in his hands, Rafayel felt a newfound appreciation for the bond he shared with you and the significance of his role in your life. As he embraced his son, a sense of warmth enveloped the room, dissolving the remnants of frustration that had lingered.

In that moment, the past frustrations and perceived rivalries faded away. The baby room became a sanctuary of reflection and realization. Rafayel embraced the depth of his role, not just as a father in the present but as a constant support throughout the journey of bringing their child into the world.

_____

After the particularly challenging mission, you returned home, exhausted yet relieved to be back. Opening the door, you realized it was too quiet.

"Rafayel?" You called out, worried about your husband and child.

You receive no reply and so, you went to the baby room.

Just then, you were greeted by a scene that melted away any residual weariness.

In the dim light of the baby room, you saw Rafayel peacefully sleeping on the pool, the baby nestled on his chest, both in a serene slumber. The sight was heartwarming – a testament to the newfound understanding and unity that had blossomed in your absence.

You couldn't help but smile at the peaceful tableau. Gently, you approached the sleeping duo and planted a soft kiss on Rafayel's kiss. He stirred, slowly waking up with a dazed expression.

"Welcome back," he whispered, his voice still heavy with sleep.

You nodded, savoring the tranquility of the moment. "What happened while I was away?"

Rafayel grinned, gesturing to the peacefully sleeping baby on his chest. "Well, we had a little water-based escapade, a dramatic showdown, and a realization that we're all in this together. Oh, and I read your pregnancy diary. Turns out, I played a more significant role than I thought."

"What?! Where do you find it?!" Your cheek reddened in embarrassment. You almost forgot about that diary.

"Well, a little fishy showed it to me," Rafayel gently shifted, allowing you to join them on the poolside. You gave him a look, annoyed that you wanted to get in the pool and have your hunter outfit get wet.

Sighing, you got in the pool.

"It's my real feelings, by the way," you said, referring to the diary's content.

"Yeah. Sorry for being so childish. I guess I just got used to having all your attention. I mean, I'm used to having everyone's attention. As a child, everyone fawned on me, and even when I became an adult, being the artist that I am, everyone looks up to me. So now, having another being get the attention of the person that I love the most made me anxious. I promise I'll never try to compete with my own son for attention."

"I also want to apologize, Rafayel. I guess I really did neglect you." You kissed his lips, as if apologizing for the times he felt neglected.

"It's fine. But promise me, once our child is old enough, I'll be the number one again."

You chuckled at that and snuggled to him.

"I promise."

"And I'm sorry for being a bit of a drama king," he admitted, a playful glint in his eyes.

You chuckled, "Well, I wouldn't have it any other way. Our story may be a bit dramatic, but it's uniquely ours."

The three of you shared a moment of quiet happiness, basking in the love that bound your unconventional family.

With your son sleeping peacefully between you, the challenges of the past were replaced by a sense of unity and understanding. As you leaned in to share a tender moment with Rafayel, you knew that every twist and turn in your story had led to this beautiful chapter of shared laughter, love, and the promise of a bright future together.

As the moonlight filtered through the window, casting a gentle glow on the room, you couldn't help but feel grateful for the journey that had brought you to this moment. 

END

MASTERLIST

[bahablastplz]

All in | Chapter 14

pairing: Lee Felix x f!reader (mafia au)

summary: You didn't know what you were getting yourself into when you started dating Yang Jungwon, notorious mafia boss. Your life gets flipped upside down when you're found beaten and bloody by SKZ, the rival mafia group, and you're quickly integrated into their lives. What will happen when you try to leave your old life behind and start anew?

chapter summary: You try to make amends with Seungmin. Chan wants to meet with both you and Felix.

warnings: please see series masterlist for all warnings.

series masterlist ~~ series taglist ~~ main masterlist

Felix shakes you awake in the early morning to let you know he’s leaving. You want him to stay just a little longer, to relish in his warmth, but you know it’s too risky to actually be caught in bed with him. He gives you a kiss on the forehead and you find yourself smiling as he shuts the door behind him. He invites you to train after breakfast, with both him and Changbin this time. You don’t downright decline his offer but you tell him there’s something you need to do first. 

Seungmin’s absence at breakfast is notable. The tension is in fact palpable and you find it gnawing away at your insides. You know deep down nobody here actually blames you for what happens (except maybe Seungmin), but you still can’t help but feel like it’s your fault. 

Felix knew where you were going after breakfast before you even told him. You weren’t surprised by this. Still, at 10 a.m. you knock on what you know to be Seungmin’s room. You pick at the split-end strands of hair while you wait for a response. It’s Jeongin who answers the door. 

He lets you in wordlessly. You wonder if Seungmin would have done the same. 

You stare at his sleeping frame on his mattress. You can tell these sheets are fresh because the ones stained in blood sit in a heap in the corner of his room. When he’s sleeping like this he looks awfully young for his age. You can’t help feeling sorry for him, for all of them really, having experienced way more than a lifetime of trauma. You’re reminded that he’s human, that you’re all human, but Seungmin in particular is just trying his best to get by. Surely, things were smooth before you’d arrived and you’ve just become a hindrance. 

You almost think for a moment that maybe you should have brought flowers and you nearly laugh. Would you have picked them from the backyard? Re-purposed the ones Chan gave you for your date? That probably would have been rude. Seungmin doesn’t seem the kind to appreciate the gesture behind giving flowers, at the moment. 

“He’s not mad at you, you know,” Jeongin says. You suppose you had been staring at Seungmin just a bit too long, not saying anything. You let out a half-hearted laugh at his words. “No, I know,” he starts, running his hands through his hair. “I mean it though. The aggression, the anger, it’s not you it’s really directed at.” 

You mull over his words. “Felix said the same thing yesterday.” Jeongin gives you a sad smile, looking up at the ceiling. 

“He’s not the only one upset with Chan,” he says finally. “I think we all are, in our own ways.” 

“You’re angry at Chan?” you ask quietly. 

“I wouldn’t say that,” he says quickly, almost defensive. “I… I don’t know that I’m allowed to say that. If I’m allowed to be angry at him. It’s just, I… we all owe him so much, you know?” 

You swallow thickly at his words. “That sort of sounds like a toxic relationship to me, don’t you think?” you joke. It’s not a joke. 

Jeongin doesn’t look at you. He just smiles but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“Did he promise you something too?” you ask, walking a little bit closer to him. You’re worried if you pry too much, he’ll close up and not reveal anything else to you. 

“You don’t… you don’t know the whole story,” he explains. 

“I don’t,” you confirm. “But I know that something’s not right. I know you could probably be doing something so much more. You have passions, desires, dreams…”

“I can’t get there on my own.” He’s justifying it, whether to you or himself, you’re unsure. 

“Jeongin, what did he promise you?” you ask him finally. 

“He’d pay for my school,” he tells you, finally making eye contact. “He would pay for my fashion school in full. I can’t afford it without him, without this.” Your heart sinks in your chest. You wonder how long Chan has been holding that over him for. You don’t get a chance to respond, however, because another voice interrupts you. 

“Y/N?” Seungmin asks groggily. He seems to have just woken up, but he’s definitely still a little bit out of it. 

“Hey,” you say, walking to the side of his bed. He reaches his hand out for you and it takes you by surprise. You tentatively accept his reach, intertwining your fingers together. 

“I’m sorry,” he croaks, voice raspy. Out of all things, you were not expecting this. This is not the same Seungmin who screamed bloody murder last night, who had to get dragged out of the room because he was in hysterics. This is the Seungmin you have come to know. 

“Don’t be,” you console. “It was a perfectly justifiable reaction. I’m sorry, really. I hope you get better soon.” 

He squeezes your hand before letting it go. He really, truly seems remorseful for last night. You’re unsure if he has anything to apologize for. You probably would have done the same. 

“Seungmin, you want meds?” Jeongin asks, shaking a little orange pill bottle. Seungmin takes the bottle, dry swallowing two blue pills. You don’t want to know what it is. 

“He’s going to be a little out of it,” Jeongin tells you. “You’re probably good to go.” You wave to Seungmin, wishing him well before you leave the room. You shut the door behind you, taking a deep breath. You feel better now that you have a little more closure. It went better than you thought it would. 

You meet Changbin and Felix in the training room shortly after. You’re flipped onto your back more times than you can count during self-defense training, and though you’re slightly frustrated you can’t help but notice your own improvement. Even though you’re defeated, it takes a lot longer to get you there. You can get in a few hits, and you’re doing better at blocking and reading their hits. 

You have shooting practice with Jisung after. It goes… a little less smooth, admittedly. But you can’t help but feel like you’ve become a force to be reckoned with. You’re not the same, easily threatened girl that showed up a month ago, beaten close to death. You’re not the same girl that Woojin dared to mess with, and you’re certainly not the same girl that you were before you were in captivity and watched Jungwon die. You’re confident–you’re different. You’re glad you accepted Felix’s help after all. 

And so that night you drag Felix into your room after dinner. You can’t keep your hands off of him. You’re not sure what has gotten into you, but the two of you rush. Clothes are discarded without a second thought, and when hands roam each other's bodies it’s fast, hard, for quick pleasure rather than explorative or sensual. 

Felix licks onto your neck and you need to remind him not to suck; you can’t risk him leaving a mark. When his hand finds your center you’re already soaking, bucking your hips desperately into his hand. 

He’s quick to bend you over your mattress and fuck you from behind. His hands cup your breasts, using them as leverage when he snaps his hips into yours. You’re surprised how quiet he is–he’s usually the talkative type, but it seems you both have one thing in mind. 

Your release comes fast and his follows. He helps you dress, look presentable again. He sits on your bed and you sit next to him, your head resting on his shoulder. You play with his fingers, running your fingertips up and down his calloused hands. You’re not sure why it feels so different this time, why there’s a pit in the bottom of your stomach. Why neither of you are talking. 

Then the knock comes. 

It’s as if you had both expected it before it happened, like you had a sixth sense for being interrupted in these quiet moments with one another. 

It’s not Minho you’re expecting. But it’s the news he brings that you are. 

“Chan wants to see you.” 

“I’ve been summoned,” you say, cracking an anxious smile at Felix as you make to leave your room. 

“Actually, he wants to see both of you.” Oh. Oh. That you were not expecting. Felix seems perplexed by this news as well, and the two of you walk to Chan’s office in silence. 

When you open the door, Chan is standing with his arms crossed across his chest. It makes you nervous, immediately thinking that he knows. He knows about you and Felix and something bad is about to happen, you’re sure of it. But once again, your intuition proves you wrong. 

“Sit,” Chan urges. 

You do. 

“I wanted to check in with you, Y/N, after what happened last night,” he starts, still not sitting. 

“Oh, um, it’s okay, really. Everything’s alright now.” You smooth your hands out on your lap, torn between making eye contact and staring at the floor. You choose to meet his gaze despite the way it unnerves you. 

“I’m glad to hear that.” he clears his throat. “As you now know, Heeseung has been making efforts to move forward against SKZ. He has been pushing with some more aggressive tactics.” 

“Won’t it end if you just let me go?” you ask him. 

“Ahhhh. Well, you know better than that, don’t you? He has it out for you sure, but he has it out for us just as much. So, no. Nice try, though.” 

You wring your hands together, choosing your next words carefully. 

“You could let me into ENHA, to infiltrate.” 

Felix stands abruptly but Chan silences him with a single gesture. He immediately sits back down. 

“Are you out of your mind?” Chan says with a charming smile that doesn’t match his tone. “You must be mad. I’m not going to turn you over to the enemy.” 

“Think about it,” you say. “I show up, beg Heeseung for forgiveness—”

“Forget about it.” 

“And when he’s least expecting it, I kill him. Our problem is solved, Chan! Nobody will have to get hurt because of me again.” 

“I said NO.” His voice booms as he enunciates the word. You watch his chest rise and fall and he rounds the desk to where you’re seated. He crouches right in front of you, his face inches from your own. 

“What do you know about killing?” he asks, voice laced with venom. “What do you know about attacking someone, about infiltration? You’re weak. This is not a job meant for you, Y/N.” 

You’re weak. You try not to smile at that. Because whereas that might have stung a while ago, not an ounce of you believes that to be true. Felix blinks. 

Chan stands, his back cracking as he stretches his arms above his head. 

“Felix, I was hoping I could borrow you tomorrow for a mission,” Chan says, ignoring the way your jaw clenches when he doesn’t meet your gaze. 

“Yeah, whatever you need,” Felix confirms. 

“Y/N, you’re dismissed,” Chan states, his eyes still on Felix. With a small huff you stand, making your way to the door of his office before you hear him suck air through his teeth. “Wait,” he says, closing the distance between the two of you.” Your heart stills for a moment as he gets infinitesimally close, his warm breath against your skin. 

“Y/N…” he pauses, his fingers gliding up your neck to poke a spot against your neck. “What the fuck is this.” 

“Um… Chan, what…”

He lets out a sigh, his fingers running through his hair. “A hickey. You have a fucking hickey, Y/N. Want to explain how that happened?” 

You close your eyes just so you don’t look at Felix by mistake, but Chan’s fist slams into the wall next to your head, causing them to shoot open. A frame on the wall falls to the ground, the glass on it shattering open. 

You don’t bother to deny the accusation. What’s done is done. You cannot help but guffaw when Felix finally speaks, incriminating himself when he tells Chan “It was me.” 

Chan does not seem surprised by this information. He blinks once, twice, and lets out a half-hearted, cold laugh. 

When Chan crosses the room in an instant punching Felix square in the face you let out a blood-curdling scream. Felix does nothing to block the hits, taking them one after another. At one point you recognize your own body crossing the room, grabbing onto Chan’s bicep, begging, pleading for him to stop. You make eye contact with Felix for one split second, watch him spit blood out of his mouth before smiling a sad smile at you, and you’re pulling onto Chan again before you hear a loud thwap. 

He has just backhanded you across the face. You barely register the pain–you more feel the warmth radiating across your face. 

It’s now that Felix has stood up and the fight has truly begun. 

It gets messy fast. A slew of curses and fists are flying, and you even get in a hit or two of your own. Chan doesn’t hit you again, but someone does have to pry you off of his back where you’re desperately trying to get him to stop his fight against Felix. You think it’s Minho’s arms that wrap around you, pulling you away from the man, and you see Changbin step in between Chan and Felix. 

“Y/N, go to your room,” Chan spits harshly. 

“Don’t hurt him, please, I’m sorry, just please don’t hurt him–”

“I’m not going to repeat myself.” 

And so you walk to your room, a mess of tears and snot and blood that’s not your own. You’re not sure why you’re even following his directions, but you don’t know what you would do otherwise. When you get to your room you slam the door behind you and slump to the floor, succumbing to your sadness. 

A hickey. You got caught over a fucking hickey and the problem is you can’t even recount the exact time that Felix left it. You thought you had been so careful… that gut feeling you had that something was wrong wasn’t so far off after all. 

Twenty minutes have passed by the time Chan enters your room. You look up at him from your spot on the floor, shaking only slightly. 

“I said this to Felix, but I’m going to tell you as well. If I ever catch you two touching ever again, you’re dead. Both of you. Are we clear?” You nod your head at him with a grimace. “And as for you… you are not to leave this room. The only person to give you permission to leave is me, the only person allowed in is me. You’ll have meals in here from now on until I decide you can handle otherwise.” 

You don’t dare to speak or protest. You feel sick to your stomach. 

When Chan leaves your room, he shuts your door behind you. The loud click that comes after is deafening. After a few minutes you check that, yes, the door is indeed locked from the outside. You’re stuck in here. The window is already bolted shut from your escape attempt on your first night here, and now you are completely locked in this room, stuck between these four walls. 

The only good thing about this place has been taken away from you, though, and it’s not even your freedom. You never really had that to begin with, did you? What you did have was someone who showed you kindness, someone who cared and made you smile. Someone who saved you time and time again but then helped you to get stronger so you could save yourself on your own. 

You cry yourself to sleep but you are smug in the fact that you got in more than one hit on Chan. You stood up for yourself in that room and fought back even if it wasn’t a success. 

You are not the same person you once were. You will find a way out of this.

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──

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[kathrahender]

"They're abusive" "They're toxic" "They hurt each other" "You're normalizing abusive/toxic relationships" "You're normalizing abuse"

I'm really really tired of people calling "toxic/abusive" some ships I like. People -and I'm being serious with this question- do you even understand the definition of a "toxic couple"??? First, to be in a toxic/abusive relationship, the two characters have to be romantically involved. Dabihawks, Bakudeku, Harringrove, Cherik and other ships mentioned in the tags were in a romantic relationship when they hurt each other? No. Not at all. Therefore, they're not a toxic couple.

Secondly, even if they were in a romantic relationship (like Catradora/Reylo), see when they become a couple. Catra and Adora, for example, only became girlfriends after Catra's redemption and after she apologized. And after they kissed, we don't see Catra/Adora being toxic/abusive towards each other. Reylo also didn't become canon until the third movie, and we don't see Kylo Ren being toxic/abusive towards Rey. Actually, we see him saving her life willingly, and not to manipulate her. He saved her life because he loved her. So calling Catradora/Reylo toxic/abusive is also wrong.

Third, people who criticize us for shipping them, and who call the ship abusive, do you even know how the "enemies/rivals-to-lovers" trope works???? Because the purpose of an enemies-to-lovers ship is one character changing from "I want to kill you" to "I love you", and changing from hurt their enemy to protect their partner. A lot of the ships I mentioned in the tags were enemies when they hurt each other. And like I said in a previous post, you're not supposed to treat your enemy/rival nicely, you're not supposed to treat them like a friend or a lover. You're supposed to treat them like someone you hate. Like someone you want to see destroyed. And if you don't understand the thing called "character development", it's not our fault.

"Bakugo and Deku weren't enemies when Bakugo hurt Deku". Yeah, I know. They weren't enemies. But they weren't people who liked each other neither, right? No matter what you say, they weren't exactly in good terms. And no matter how many times you say it's abusive, the only way "Bakudeku" can be abusive is if they were in a relationship in school, when Bakugo was bullying him. Now that would be a toxic relationship. But Bakudeku being toxic after Bakugo's development (because yes, he had development, and if you deny it you didn't understand his character at all) and after Bakugo's apology is bullshit.

So people, before you call one of these ships "toxic" think about it. Because these ships aren't toxic. You know what's a toxic ship? Joker x Harley Quinn. That's an actual toxic couple. Not Catradora, nor Zutara, nor Zukka, nor Jetko, nor any ship mentioned in the tags. The only way they can be "toxic" is if the writers of the show decided to make them be together and decided to make them abusive, or if a writer of a fic made it a toxic ship.

And even if they were a toxic ship in the canon (what they definitely aren't), you have no right to call people "abuse apologists" or things like that. You don't know them, and liking a toxic/abusive relationship doesn't define what they support/they're against in real life.

[aireia]

from the stars did your kindness bleed through. — you are a spy, he is a sorcerer, a student in the very place you plan on betraying, but he doesn't know that, because he'll fall for you, the same way you fell for him.

tw/cw: reader referred to with she/her. angst with little fluff. hurt no comfort. spy! reader. spying. mentions of blood. minor violence. blades. suicide/ self harm. death. injuries. lowercase intended. author's first language isn't english. wc: 7.5K

note: riko told me to rival her 6.2k word fic, so i'm pulling up with this. (i got carried away) —masterlist

entry snippet, september 5th.

gojo introduced us to a new student today. she seems a little bit like me, but she isn’t, at least that’s what our unreliable teacher told us.she hasn’t interacted much with itadori or kugisaki, even after their pestering. i’m guessing it’ll take a while for her to get used to the new faces. not that it concerns me anyway…

the sun didn’t shine very brightly the next day. grey clouds covered the skies, the winds were getting colder, the once green leaves on trees were turning into a mixture of yellows and browns. winter would be approaching in just a few months, which meant they’d soon have those nights again, where they’d get permission to stay at each other’s dorms and have sleepovers while trying not to burn the kitchen down by making ominous hot chocolate for each other.

that morning when the trio walked into class, they were greeted by you absentmindedly staring out the window at the falling leaves. no concentration to any surroundings, considering you didn’t even look at them when they came in. yuji was the first one to say something, loudly greeting you a good morning, followed by your name, hoping to catch your attention.

you looked over to the trio, trying to take note of their expressions. 

itadori yuji, who seemed excited, waving with his arm in the air and a grin as if you were worlds apart and you wouldn’t have seen him if he didn’t.

kugisaki nobara, who waved with a smile on her face. the perfect mix of crazy and calm, you think.

and finally, fushiguro megumi, who had his arm raised in an attempt to wave, but instead looked like he was raising his hand to answer a question. his expression showed nothing, something between irritated and ‘why am i friends with these people again?’ 

he reminded you of yourself… in a way. probably not what you were thinking about him, but something about him. maybe it was keeping interactions at minimum with people he didn’t know much about… yea. you’ll keep it at that. 

the hyper duo had walked up to your desk before you finished processing your own thoughts. itadori slammed both his hands on your table, causing some of your things to vibrate upon contact. 

“so, y/n, where are you from? what grade are you?” he asked.

“i’m from osaka, and i’m a semi second grade sorcerer.” lies spilled from your mouth easier than when you breathed around them the day prior. being a spy meant having to detach your identity as a person, which also meant having to create layers and layers of lies about who you actually were. 

right before the cheerful boy managed to get another question in, the door of the class flew open, and gojo walked into class with nothing but happiness and positivity surrounding his aura… he was about to send all of you on a mission. you knew, even if it was just a gut feeling.

a loud clap followed by details of a new case confirmed your suspicions. a simple investigation in shinjuku about an unidentified curse that had caused deaths and disappearances of innocent civilians, as well as injuring numerous others.

“i’ll be leaving the rest of the details to our trustworthy assistant director ijichi! he’ll be waiting for you at the entrance.” gojo finished his ‘speech’ before hurrying all of you out the door.

-

“that gojo…” ijichi silently sighed before beginning the mission brief. 

“your task is to only collect information from the residents in a specific area of shinjuku, mainly the offices around schools.” ijichi stopped speaking, only continuing after a brief period of silence. “If you happen to run into any high grade curses, please don’t try to challenge it.” 

“my heart can’t take this type of stress anymore…” ijichi sighed.

the four of you began the mission shortly after, around 10am in the morning. you began by questioning some of the residents. a lot of them seemed nervous the moment anyone in your group mentioned the curse, some even running away from you. most of them didn’t have any information either. 

when noon rolled around and your efforts weren’t bearing any fruits, the four of you decided to split into two groups. nobara with yuji, you with megumi. after the split up, you and megumi continued the search for anyone that might have had any type of intel. you never expected him to speak to you first.

“l/n, right? let me be straightforward about this. why did you join jujutsu high school?��� 

“to spy on you, obviously,” but you couldn’t say that.

“to help others,” another lie slipped past your lips.

“...did principal yaga actually let you pass the interview with that answer..?” 

“no, but i doubt you’d want to listen to the speech i memorised to get in. he told me to stop before i finished it,” you sighed, remembering the amount of struggle you faced a few days before the interview. you had to ensure you had a 100% chance of getting into the school, or you would’ve been a failure as a spy. who the hell failed a mission before it even began?

megumi looked at you with a bewildered expression, though quickly shook the look off his face as you approached an ice cream vendor near one of the high schools. 

“recently, less and less people have come by to buy ice cream. a lot of those were kids who would come by to get a sweet treat after school, so i have noticed quite a few of those disappearances.” the vendor placed his fingers on his chin, thinking of the customers that he enjoyed speaking to, even if their interactions were limited.

“alright. thanks for your time,” you expressed your gratitude, even though the things that the vendor had said had helped you in your investigation in… absolutely no way possible.

just as you and the raven haired boy walked away, your phones rang. a message from yuji, reading, “we ran into one of the victims that managed to escape the cursed spirit!! apparently most of the victims are people who’ve lost or cut contact with their parents. they won’t tell us anymore about it.”

“that’s vile,” you thought to yourself. 

“we should meet up with them and report back.”

-

“so, what do we do now?” nobara whined out of boredom. ever since reporting back, there hadn’t been much to do. you all had a free day, but nothing to fill said free day with.

“we should go watch human earthworm 4!” 

“no.” nobara and megumi said in unison, wanting to avoid the movie at all costs. 

“oh! y/n, we should go shopping together!” nobara suggested. and somehow against both yuji and megumi’s wills, you had all been dragged to go shopping.

nobara suggested that she helped you get a new wardrobe, which ended in you trying on multiple sets of clothes. nobara insisted that you got them, and forced megumi to carry your shopping bags even though you said it wasn’t needed and felt bad that he had to help.

the rest of the day went by with a blur, and you exited the mall after the four of you had a few photos taken in a photobooth. 

“my child…” everyone was walking in front of you when you heard that voice. it sounded oddly familiar, and it was calling out to you. you whipped your head around to look for the source, but there wasn’t anyone there. the call of your names continued, and you strayed from the group to look for the source of the sound. 

you were almost one hundred percent positive that it was the curse you had investigated the other day. why was it targeting you? and no one else in the group seemed to hear anything either. 

eventually, you were led to an abandoned building. you could feel the cursed energy leaking from it, and there was a very pungent smell coming from the abandoned structure. you briefly wonder how no one has flagged the place for an investigation yet. maybe it was, and was ignored. who knows?

the voice continued to lure you closer to the building, eventually getting you into the building and up the slippery stairs, wet from the leaking pipes around the building. your footsteps echoed in the building, the sound of your breathing in your ears. 

you walked up to a room with a closed door. a heavy stench seeping from the gaps of the door, even worse than when you were in front of the building. maybe coming here hadn’t been your best idea, but you were already this close, so why stop here? 

you exhaled deeply before twisting the rusty knob open. you saw the dead. blood and corpses were by the spirit’s legs. its claws were digging into the flesh of the innocent, shaking the body as if trying to toy with it more.

the report you submitted was done a week ago, and the incident started way before this. these bodies had been rotting for weeks at least. assuming the cursed spirit in front of you killed all the people around it, you were going to be next. 

you entered a defensive stance, hand on the handle of your weapon, ready to fight if it pounced on you. instead, you watched as it slowly turned its head towards you and walked towards you. your body tensed, but it didn’t seem to bear any hostility. 

it held its hand out, taking one of your hands, and you found yourself unable to move. even when you screamed at yourself to get out of the way, you found yourself unable to resist as it dragged its fingers along your wrist, a thin line of red bleeding out.

“l/n, step back!” the familiar voice snapped you out of whatever trance you were in before the spirit in front of you was hit with a few nails. 

“you’re just like fushiguro. you really should tell us more about yourself, you know?” nobara sighed, holding her hammer over her shoulder. “oi, i’m the one who noticed she disappeared in the first place,” megumi grumbled. you looked at his hands. 

so that’s how they found you.

“if anything, she reminds me of when you first came to the city, kugisaki!” yuji chirped in, seeming laid back even in this situation. he turned to look at you. “you aren’t hurt anywhere else other than your hand, right?” you shook your head.

you looked at the spirit on the ground. it was a first grade at most, but it had been weakened significantly, probably even before you arrived. it wasn’t long before you exercised it, with some degree of resistance. 

as the three of them prepared to leave, you walked towards one of the dead bodies and crouched down, placing your hand over them. 

while yuji and nobara had already left, megumi was curious about what you were doing. you got up and exhaled when he asked. “i don’t know if it works on those who’ve already passed, but usually, my cursed technique allows me to grant people on the verge of death a better demise.”

“it overrides the brain and erases any and all memories they have in exchange for peace, and a painless goodbye.”

“those two are probably waiting for us. we should report back.”

-

when you got back to your dorm, you took the picture out and stared at it. more people that you couldn’t be friends with, but they had saved you earlier… maybe you’d get it framed just to decorate your dorm.

you looked at your injured arm, which had been bandaged, and closed your eyes. 

yuji itadori is physically gifted, a guy born with a set moral standard. his mental game is easily shaken, but that might change in the future. he has a ton of room for improvement. that’s what makes him scary. 

nobara kugisaki is strong-willed, a woman born by the countryside. she cares for others the way she cares for herself, and doesn’t like showing her affected mental state to the world. she’s strong in her own way, and that’s just the type of person she is.

-

weeks passed by quickly. you continued gathering as much information as possible, while growing closer to your classmates. yuji often told you to cover up for the pranks he pulled, nobara would invite you out to go shopping with her, and you and megumi enjoyed reading together.

one morning, you saw megumi sitting by the benches eating alone. right, yuji and nobara had recently been dispatched on missions. you realised early on that you preferred to be with megumi out of everyone. 

maybe it was his personality that drew you in? the both of you were paired up on missions often, so maybe the fact that you were partners helped develop your trust in each other… when he shouldn’t be trusting you at all. or perhaps it was the way he put you first instead of himself. 

megumi is a selfless person that might not seem caring at first glance, but actually does in his own way. he holds back a lot, and has a mind matured enough to compare to that of a man twice his age, though lets loose around people he can truly find comfort in. that was the conclusion you came to about his character. 

you walked towards him, hoping to be able to make small talk with him. instead, you were called upon by someone right before you got to him. 

-

“so this is the location?” you and megumi had been informed of a cave infested with multiple third and fourth grade spirits. your job was simple. take care of them and go home. 

“yea. be careful,” you said, gripping your weapon tightly. 

you and megumi stepped into the cave, almost immediately registering that there was something wrong. a veil was lowered. were such low grade spirits capable of such a thing? you gulped and looked around. just the herds of lowly graded cursed spirits around. no signs of anything else.

“be careful.”

the both of you managed to make quick work of the spirits. a few scrapes, sure, but you were overall uninjured. now, there was only one problem. every last spirit in sight had been exorcised by you and megumi, but the veil wasn’t lifting. something was still there, and you both knew. 

something in your senses clicked. “fushiguro, jump out of the way!” you screamed at him. there was something underneath you, and megumi had dodged just quick enough to not be drilled and split into two halves. 

a drop of sweat rolled down the side of megumi’s face. how would he deal with this? his first thought was to have you distract it while he attacked, but that would probably be useless and would put you and him in too much danger. 

“fushiguro! focus!” megumi lifted his head up, and you were in front of him. you had blocked a direct strike for him. he needed to concentrate. this wasn’t like the spirit you had dealt with at the abandoned building, where it showed little to no hostility, and had been weakened.

“are you back in your game yet?” you breathed out, the tiredness from blocking the attack and dealing with the earlier curses starting to kick in.

megumi took one look at your expression and hummed. there was something about it he couldn’t read, but he can’t let his thoughts consume him now.

you aren’t allowed to die here. 

the both of you observed the curse for a little longer while simultaneously dodging its attacks. it primarily dug underground to attack, which made it hard to predict where its location was. the only warning sign was the rumbling of the ground before it drilled back up, which made it just a little easier to dodge. 

it could blast balls of pure cursed energy, and with each dodge meant the interior of the cave was crumbling. you’d have to look out for falling rocks and stray boulders. 

its weak point was probably somewhere other than its head, considering it used it to dig into places. 

you shot glances at each other before megumi summoned his demon dogs to attack it from behind. “i have your back.” 

you and megumi took turns switching on offence and defence. the one on offence would deal attacks to the cursed spirit, while the one on defence would watch out for oncoming attacks and destroy any rocks that were falling from the ceiling of the cave. 

the plan worked well for the both of you. the uncertainty of when the both of you would switch out confused the curse, making it more vulnerable to your attacks. once you felt that the curse was confident on when you’d switch, you and megumi delivered one final attack to it together, letting it fall with a thump. 

“is it over?” you heaved, your hand over your chest. a sudden realisation hit. the veil hasn’t been dropped. that meant– 

“l/n, look out!” megumi pushed you out of the way before he got hit by a shot of pure cursed energy. you hear the sound of his body smashing against the rough walls, and his coughing afterwards. you looked towards megumi and briefly saw him cough blood out. you’re hoping he didn’t take the impact head first. 

you narrowly managed to escape another blow just when your eyes snapped back onto the weakened, but still active cursed spirit. it can be exorcised in a single blow. 

you rushed towards it and drove your weapon through its body as hard as possible, twisting, and slicing right through it. it’s as good as dead. you stared at the splatters on the floor that used to be a cursed spirit. you don’t have time for this. 

turning your head away from the remains of your enemy, you focused your attention to megumi who was bloodied and injured. he was resting against the stone walls of the cave, and you could hear his heavy pants and breaths. you gulped and looked at his leg. it had stopped bleeding, the crimson now staining his leg.

you ripped a part of your uniform before crouching in front of megumi to tend to the wound. your eyes showed almost no emotion in the face of the situation, yet your trembling lips gave yourself away. you weren’t supposed to care for them, and yet here you were helping one of your targets. 

you only spoke up once you finished bandaging his wound with the makeshift bandage.

“why would you do that?” you had unintentionally let your emotions slip. megumi looked at you tiredly. “just returning the favour. i would’ve gotten hurt if you hadn’t blocked the attack at the start of our battle.”

“fushiguro-” you started, quickly being cut off by megumi. “i know what you’re about to ask me,” he coughed a few times before he continued to speak. “you’re assuming i’m going to die? you’re cruel, you know?”

you tried to find words to speak, yet all you could say was a “no, i’m not,” turning your head away to not meet his gaze.

“i would kill myself if i died on you now,” he confessed, closing his tired eyes. 

“and besides, you’re all i really want to think of right now.” 

megumi went completely silent afterwards, and you heard soft breathing coming from him, compared to the heavy breaths from just a few minutes prior.

the next time he awoke, you were asleep, your head in your arms by his bedside. he felt a little sluggish, but his wounds had been properly bandaged and he was fine, aside from some soreness. you on the other hand, looked exhausted. there were creases on your forehead as you slept, and dark circles under your eyes.

there was a plate of food wrapped up on his nightstand, with a note stuck to it. “we make a good team.”

only after did he learn from shoko that you had completely gone against her instructions of two days of bed rest, and spent the time taking care of him instead. 

-

“you still couldn’t have brought something more digestible?” megumi eyed the three of you, who had brought pizza to him. something that probably wasn’t nutritious enough for a patient in recovery.

“if you don’t want it, i’ll help myself!” the pink haired male took a slice of the pizza and began feasting on it. “oh, and since we’re already here, let’s just have our sleepover at fushiguro’s!” “itadori, talk after you’re done eating!” nobara shuddered at the sight of the food in his open mouth, while megumi looked as if he were about to kick everyone out of his room.

“we are not having a sleepover in my room,” megumi said in a deadpan voice, though the annoyance was evident on his face. “we can’t have it anywhere else because you aren’t permitted to leave your room, fushiguro,” you joined in on itadori’s suggestion.

“hypocrite,” megumi thought.

“alright it’s settled, we’ll have it here!” nobara clasped her hands together in victory, earning a sigh from megumi. “i still haven’t agreed to this,” he grumbled.

-

december 21st.

it’s cold outside. the temperatures have dropped significantly ever since the day you stepped foot into jujutsu tech. currently, you, alongside two of your classmates, were camping in megumi’s room. you had to admit, with so many people, the room considered spacious for one person became cramped.

you were sitting on megumi’s bed with a mug of hot chocolate in hand as you watched nobara and yuji fight over what they wanted to put into each other’s drinks. you found their sibling dynamic entertaining. megumi on the other hand, looked at you with softness in his eyes. the both of you had grown a lot closer compared to the first day you met. you were grateful for that.

maybe not in the right way, but at least you knew he was your friend, right?

the night went on with both chaos and comfort. yuji had suggested playing cards at one point, and he lost just about every single round. monopoly was going great until megumi somehow dominated the game so hard that the banker had to borrow money from him. 

“i’m telling you fushiguro, it’s just this once! i’ll pay you back!” “you’ve said that about three times, itadori.”

you certainly weren’t in any place to laugh, and neither was nobara, since the both of you were basically hanging onto a thin thread, and if by any chance you landed on anyone’s property other than your own, you would’ve been out of the game from bankruptcy.

but you laughed anyway.

the night ended with all of you (except megumi) in your respective sleeping bags with extra blankets in case it got cold. it was quiet. too quiet, even with yuji’s snoring and nobara’s breathing. maybe that’s why you couldn’t fall asleep.

you slowly sat up, careful not to make too much noise. you looked at the clock on megumi’s nightstand. 11:47pm, thirteen minutes till midnight. 

“can’t sleep?” a quiet and soft voice invaded your ears, and you looked over to megumi. he was lying down on his bed, staring out into the bushes and trees, which had been covered in a thin layer of snow. as a response, you shook your head and got up to sit on his bed. the both of you sat in silence for a while before you spoke up. 

“fushiguro, you like the stars, right? wanna go stargazing on the roof?” 

“are you crazy? it’s freezing outside.”

“we can use blankets.” 

“have you forgotten that my leg’s still injured?” 

“i’ll carry you up.”

that was how you found yourself sitting on the rooftops with a thick blanket around your shoulders. the stars shone brighter tonight. the cold winter wind that breezed by you every once in a while made you shiver. you looked up at the moon, it was full tonight. although the moon didn’t have an expression, you were sure it was smiling down at you and the raven haired boy sitting next to you.

come to think of it, even without exchanging a lot of words, you’d argue that you were closest to megumi out of all your classmates. when you first met him, you saw him as the moon, someone like yourself. yet you realised over the months that if you had to describe him, you’d have to say he were the stars. so pretty, yet disregarded by many as something outshone by the moon. 

“y/n,” megumi’s voice broke through the comfortable silence, and you looked over at him. he had a small smile on his face. you felt him shuffle closer to you. maybe it was getting cold? the wind was getting stronger, afterall.

“yes?” megumi looked at the moon once more, then back at you. “the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?” the words reached your ears, and you couldn’t help but laugh a little. “and what of the sunset?” you questioned him back, feelings hidden behind your eyes and the convincing smile you put on your face.

“the sunset? i dislike it. the rays of the sun blind me too much for me to appreciate it as much as others do.” the sound of your soft laughter reached his ears again when he finished his sentence. “is that so…” you rested your head on his shoulder and looked towards the skies, some of the stars now covered by clouds. “really? i think the moon is beautiful too, but i’m the opposite. i prefer sunsets over moonrises.” you continued, one of your hands inching closer to him and eventually resting on top of his hand.

you exhaled deeply before lifting your head up. “fushiguro, what time is it?” he looked at you with confusion before answering. “a little bit past midnight, i’m guessing.” “oh.”

“may i kiss you?”

your question caught megumi off guard. it was expected, considering it came out of nowhere. a familiar warmth creeped up his face, and the hand on top of his now seemed to weigh heavier as you looked at him, awaiting an answer. he slowly nodded, and you leaned in to press your lips against his. the kiss was short and sweet, the light of the stars shining down upon him as you did.

“fushiguro-” 

“don’t call me by my last name.” you smiled when he said those words. 

“happy birthday, megumi.”

-

nobara eyed the both of you suspiciously, looking you up and down. “you guys could at least try to keep it down when you’re climbing onto the roof. i need my sleep,” 

“i thought i was being quiet. my bad,” you apologised sheepishly. the brunette looked clearly annoyed before she sighed and let it go. 

“sorry,” megumi said to you. “why are you saying sorry?” you shot him a confused look. 

“we would’ve been quieter if you didn’t have to carry me.” 

“oh, thaaattt,” you dragged your words out. “don’t feel bad. you were worth it.” 

“how about you come with me to the cliffs sometime? maybe in the next few days? there’s a great view of the ocean and sky from there, and it’s more secluded.” the invitation fell from your lips before you even processed it. 

a rare smile appeared on megumi’s face. “alright.”

“what are you two doing?! we have a mission soon, hurry up!”

-

he kept to his word. you and megumi ended up going stargazing together so often that yuji and nobara started questioning if you were going on dates. to them, it was blatantly obvious that you two liked each other. hell, even the both of you knew. it was just that none of you had confessed yet. 

megumi always felt warmth when you guys would go together, pointing out constellations and shapes of the clouds when you did. 

you on the other hand, felt the spark between you grow stronger the first few times. you tried your hardest to suppress the rising guilt. afterwards however, you spiralled deeper and deeper into the guilt you felt as a spy. you were never supposed to fall in love with him, and yet you couldn’t help but do exactly that. 

you wanted– no, needed to get rid of your feelings for him. you would never want it, but you’d need it in order to get over him.

you began growing more distant. it was hard, slowly excluding yourself from hangouts and ignoring them more and more, day by day. you felt terrible. every second away from them felt agonising. you’d push them away, dismissing their help. 

the fact that they noticed your distance made it feel even worse. you were going to betray them, and everything you had built up for four months, their trust, friendship, it would crumble.

you’d complete your mission and switch identities again. anyone you’ve met here won’t matter anymore once you disappear. that’s what you reminded yourself.

-

january 25th.

“oh, you’re here,” you approached megumi from behind, sitting down beside him. the skies were dyed with violet and orange hues, the sunset that megumi had once described to be too bright. 

“i was waiting for you. you’ve been quite distant lately.”

“i thought you said you hated the sunset?” you asked, changing the subject to avoid the question. “don’t try to change the subject, y/n. answer me, please, tell me what’s going on.” you could hear the alarms in your mind go off. you wanted to get up and run away. hell, you should’ve never succumbed to the burning feelings in your heart over your mind. 

“it’s really nothing. i’ve just been more busy lately, i guess,” a lie rolled off your tongue again.

megumi sighed. he could tell you were lying, but he didn’t want to push it. “you said the sunset was pretty. i thought the other day that maybe it was because i never took the time to appreciate it, but…”

“hm?” you hummed, looking at megumi. 

“i still can’t see why you like it that much. i still prefer the night skies better.” 

the soft laughter you let out afterwards had goosebumps pricking on his skin. he watched as the light of the sun glowed on your skin, and you looked at him. “i personally prefer the sunset…”

“but if you like the stars that much, i’ll be sure to hate the sun and love stars the next time i’m reborn.”

a light shade of red appeared on megumi’s face, and he turned to look away from you. in reality though, he’s glad. there’s the girl he fell in love with. “you don’t have to do that. we can like what we want.” 

“and i want to be able to truly love the stars.” you said, your tone sullen. 

night fell not long after, but there was no moon that night. the waves underneath you didn’t seem calm either. it was especially cold this winter night, and you and megumi found yourselves bidding goodbye to each other in front of the dorms earlier than you expected. 

mental entry, january 25th.

i wasn’t planning on seeing megumi at the cliffs today, but he was there. i was planning on spending the last day at jujutsu high alone. megumi and i really are alike. It’s a fault on my part, i guess. i grew too attached to them.

i don’t want to do this anymore.

you gulped, and just before he was out of earshot, you called out to him, grabbing his attention. he turned around to look at you, only for you to mumble a “nevermind” before quickly apologising and running back to your dorm. you couldn’t bear to tell him.

megumi was confused. why’d you suddenly call out for him? he decided not to dwell too much on it and went to bed. and the more he thought about it, the more he felt as if he had lost the chance to speak to you about something important, because you disappeared the next day.

you stopped going to classes, training, and you weren’t responding to texts either. any calls were immediately sent to voicemail, and other than the picture that the four of you took at the mall months prior, which was framed on your nightstand, your dorm had been completely emptied out.

megumi was the last person to see you.

the week following your disappearance, it was raining every day. although the higher-ups had confirmed to have launched an investigation for you, megumi was sure that they were looking into things much deeper than just your status as a missing student. he just wasn’t sure what it was. 

the first day you were introduced to them, he felt that you were different in a way. was this connected to it? 

the higher-ups had also told the first years to not worry, and that they’d take care of it. as if they’d ever listen. they had discussions every single day about where you might’ve gone, if you were okay or not, and why they couldn’t see signs of this earlier. 

they got confirmation shortly after that there were no signs of cursed energy from your dorm. it was as if you had never existed, and had it not been for the pictures you’d taken together, along with the texts you’d exchanged with each other, he probably would’ve believed it.

-

february 26th.

JUJUTSU HEADQUARTERS NOTICE

one, y/n l/n has been confirmed to be sharing confidential information to third party sources. she has hereby been expelled from both jujutsu high and the jujutsu realm as a sorcerer. 

two, the penalty of the crimes committed by y/n l/n is death. the execution will be carried out promptly.

three, second grade sorcerer megumi fushiguro will serve as the executioner for y/n l/n’s death penalty.

-

a full month after your disappearance, a notice was released by jujutsu headquarters. 

megumi’s head was pounding. he had just returned from a meeting with the higher-ups, and throughout the entire time he was in front of them, he wished for nothing more than for whatever you were accused of to be false. he was hyperventilating, his face in his hands. megumi swore he heard loud footsteps outside his room before loud knocks echoed through his room. 

 “fushiguro, open up!” the familiar voices of his classmates rang in his ears. no. as much as he wished to find comfort in his friends, he didn’t want them to see him in such a terrible state, so why did his legs move to help him stand and walk towards the door?

megumi doesn’t know whether to regret or to thank his decision of opening the door. his mind couldn’t register that it was yuji who placed his calloused hands on his shoulders and told him to snap out of it. even when they questioned him for details about you, whether he knew about your intentions, and if it was the reason you had grown distant the few weeks before you vanished, he answered vaguely. all he could think of was that it was over. you’re gone, and you’re never coming back. 

megumi wanted to run into the pouring rain and let it wash his soul away so he wouldn’t have to face reality. he wished he’d wake up and realise it was all just a dream, and he could still see your face when he walked out of the dorm in the morning. he remembers the words of the higher-ups so clearly, he was to carry out the execution without delay. he wants to be selfish and give the responsibility to either nobara or yuji, yet the better part of him stopped him from doing so. he can’t do that to them. for once, megumi wished that he would stop loving you.

that night, megumi had trouble falling asleep. he found himself tossing and turning in bed, his head constantly clouded with the many things that would follow this incident. it felt like hours before he managed to go to sleep. 

-

he saw you, right there by the cliffs. you were looking at the sunset again. now that he thought about it, how many of the things you’ve told him were lies? 

megumi walked towards you, standing beside you as he watched the sunset with you. 

“megumi, i understand why you dislike the sunset now,” you said to him, earning a puzzled look from him. “i thought you loved the sunset?” he asked. the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks reached his ears, and you turned your head to look at him. 

“it really is too bright. it doesn’t suit me.” you replied. 

“megumi, have you regretted it yet?” you questioned him back, and he gulped. “regretted what, exactly?”

“us.” 

megumi wanted to say yes. he did regret it. he regretted that he loved someone whose purpose was to eventually betray and leave him. yet, his answer was stuck in his throat, and he said he never did. not for a second did he feel that you weren’t worth his time. he looked towards the horizon, where the sun had now fully set, then at the sky, where the moon was supposed to be, and finally, back at you.

“you made me fall in love with the moon.” you chuckled at his answer.

“i thought you loved the moon from the start.” a brief silence ensued. one that felt comfortable. something he couldn’t feel for the past month when you were brought up.

“would you let me substitute the moon in your sky?” your voice pierced through the silence, and he responded almost instantly.

“always.” 

a content smile appeared on your face. “i’m glad.”

megumi’s eyes fluttered open, the sun shining in his eyes. the male rubbed tried to rub the sleep in his eyes away, only to be met with a damp feeling. tears? what was that about? his mind was hazy, and he swore he dreamt, but he couldn’t remember what it was about. 

he could remember the curve of someone’s lips. yours? yea, it was. even if he went through hundreds of lives, he doesn’t think he’d mistake someone else’s smile for yours.

he didn’t have time to think about that. through the hours of lost sleep, he had convinced himself he was ready to serve his role as an executioner, and he had a feeling in his gut he knew where you were already. at the place he had refused to visit. his mind told him that you had been going there every single day, waiting for him.

-

“you’re finally here.” megumi could feel his heart clenched as he heard your words, and the eerie silence that followed creeped him out. you had a smile on your face, arms behind your back as you looked at him. 

“why aren't you moving?” you turned your body to look at him and spread your arms out. “you need to do your job, megumi.” the smile on your face dropped when you noticed he wasn’t going near you. there were no signs that his shikigami were active either.

one step, two steps, you walked towards him instead. a part of you felt as if you were walking towards your death. you felt him flinch when you used a hand to cup his cheek. his skin felt cold and slightly damp to the touch. he had been sweating. you looked down. his blade was just inches away from your stomach.

you took his expression in, and you couldn’t help but hold back your laughter. megumi’s eyes widened when you suddenly laughed. he felt guilty for loving it. was it genuine? or another one of the things you did as a spy to toy with his feelings? 

“megumi, you’ve grown attached too, huh?” it only dawned on him then that you felt just as guilty for everything you were. 

“do you know what would’ve happened if you sold us out?” megumi spoke with poison laced in his tone, and a lump formed in your throat. “the world would’ve weeped for your sins, y/n.” your expression dropped completely. “i know that better than you do, and here i am, giving you a chance to end my life. yet, you’re hesitating,” you retort back.

“so hurry up already.” you looked at him with sharp eyes, looking for any signs that he might finally give in to the orders given to him. megumi’s hands trembled as he tightened his grip around the handle of his sword. “it’s not that easy to just…” he groaned loudly.

“megumi, do you want to know why they chose you to execute me instead of anyone else?” you sighed and stared directly into his eyes. “they knew i would have resisted had it been anyone else but you.”

your hands went to wrap around his. then, you slowly pry his fingers off his blade and inspect it for yourself. “you sharpened your blade. were you hoping to finish me off in a single strike?” megumi almost choked on air in response, and nodded.

your eyes softened. “how nice of him,” you thought. 

“how about this?” you stepped further away from him and pointed the sword at your skull. “i’ll be the one to carry out my own execution. then,” you pointed your finger at him. “you won’t have to bear the burden of killing me.” you could hear megumi’s heavy breaths. it seemed that reality had yet to crash into him when he first found you here. “megumi,” you whispered as you took one final look at him, “i think you know better than i that i wasn’t trying to give you an option.” you gripped the sharpened blade and winced at the pain as your hands bled, then flashed him a quick smile before you slashed your eyes.

you groaned, holding back the scream threatening to release itself in an attempt to sooth the pain in your eyes. you had no right after all the hurt you’d caused. you couldn’t open your eyes. it hurt like hell, but you didn’t want to see the look on his face either. you convinced yourself it was worth it. 

megumi felt as if he were frozen during the entire duration of your encounter with him. what was he doing? he was spiralling into his own thoughts, and here you were, handling your own execution because he was too much attached and too much in love with you. 

every nerve and muscle in your body seemed to scream at you as you gripped the handle of megumi’s sword tight. even then, your ears couldn’t mistake the heavy footsteps of your beloved as he ran towards you just as his blade pierced your abdomen. his scream rang through your ears when crimson spilled from your wound.

ah, it seemed that blinding your eyes wasn’t enough to keep yourself from thinking of his panicked expression and guilt ridden face.

then, everything went black. you weren’t sure how long you were out for. a few seconds, perhaps a few minutes? your entire body stung, as if you were laying in a tangle of thorned roses. one thing was for sure, you were dying. 

you felt something soft under your head instead of the grassy surface the rest of your body laid on. “megumi…?” your voice sounded tired and hoarse. “is that you?” there was a brief period of silence that made you doubt his presence, but a hum from him confirmed that he was indeed still there. a smile tugged at your face even through all the ache.

“i can’t see right now. look up.” megumi looked up, and realised today was the beginning of a new moon. he could barely see anything. “could you tell me what the moon looks like?” 

“a blood moon. it looks as if roses had bloomed on the moon.” liar.

“it’s not good to lie, megumi. but it’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“very.”

you didn’t exchange any words to each other for a period of time after that. by now, your breathing had calmed down, and everything around you seemed hot and cold at the same time. something in you told you to let go of your consciousness, and another part wished you’d stay awake longer to feel megumi’s touch. be a little selfish, you told yourself. 

you shakily reached your hand up towards the skies. you balled up your fist, a part of your childish mind hoping you had caught a star.

megumi could hear his heart thumping in his chest, and he pulled your body closer to him. he thought to himself, even if there had been that satellite in the sky, his moon was going to stop shining soon. he couldn’t help but wonder if the stars in your sky had burnt themselves out. 

maybe all of them, except for the one that willingly let the moon outshine it.

“y/n, can’t you use your technique to give yourself a better death?” megumi asked, his hand supporting the weak, quivering fist you held up, his thumb brushing your knuckles.

“i can,” you replied back without hesitation. 

“but i’d have to erase everything that’s in my mind. and besides,” you flashed him a pained toothy grin. 

“you’re all i really want to think of right now, megumi.” 

by user @ aireia, do not plagiarize and/or translate.

fun fact: i actually invested sm into this fic i made sketches of the one of the curses

[blockedbykei]

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈𝐅 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐈 𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐈𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ?

🏐 — kageyama tobio x f!reader

— synopsis: kageyama always had one agenda in his life: volleyball. it just so happens that you seemed to challenge him even more than the sport has ever done in his life.

- warnings: pro player!kageyama, frenemies to lovers, volleyball player!reader, swearing, kageyama being too obsessed with volleyball while also being obsessed with you, angst to fluff. lyrics taken from "slut!" by taylor swift but the story isn't actually based on the song lol

— parts: i, ii, iii, iv

i; being this young is art

kageyama only had one agenda settled in his life: volleyball.

every day, every second and every minute that took up his life, he'd spent it with his feet on the court, his sweat dripping down his body, his eyes on the ball, and his ears listening to the sweet sound of the ball richocheting off every corner of the gymnasium.

he felt like he couldn't live without the feeling of the blue and yellow leather being spiked with his palm, or the way it felt on his fingers when he sets it, or how the impact felt on his wrists. it was his craving, his air, his life.

was it an exaggeration? others may say so. kageyama thinks it's simply his passion.

and then he would eat and eat until all that food would turn into muscle. on mornings he would go on jogs, afternoons would be spent in courts, evenings would be spent planning how his next game could occur.

serve. set. receive. spike. repeat.

it was a cycle he'd run around until his heart would stop beating and his legs had run out of life. he never had any other responsibilities to stress himself out on (except his studies, of course). his love, attention, and care– all on volleyball.

so it was no surprise if someone were to find him spending his free time in the gym, with waterbottles aligned by the net, practicing alone because his team decided to use their rest days to actually rest rather than exert all their energy in practice and lose it all when the game arrives.

"oi, kageyama!"

to his surprise, he looks at the doors and sees hinata's bright tangerine hair illuminating the room. kageyama didn't expect that his rival stood at the doors of his team's gym, let alone see him in casual clothes rather than the ones he wore when he played.

"what are you doing here?" he snickers, catching the ball he had previously set before the interruption. "this isn't your team, dumbass."

"i know that," hinata snarls. "come join us! our teams are gonna go out and have some drinks."

"what for?"

"to celebrate our victory."

kageyama groans. "boastful dumbass."

"do you have any other word in your vocabulary other than 'dumbass'?"

"yes," he throws the ball and shoots it to the cart of other balls, picking up the waterbottles aligned. "idiot."

hinata charges at him.

his small albeit heavy body topples kageyama to the ground, his back hitting the floor and the bottles thrown astray from the impact. kageyama groans and pushes him off when hinata's knee presses accidentally on his stomach.

"get off me, you tiny dumba– idiot!"

a couple minutes of rowdiness created by the pair, and kageyama finds himself stepping foot into a small party surrounded by people he has grown up with– those who taught him how to be better, to be a good sport, how to win.

he was clad in a blue simple shirt and jeans, feeling a little underdressed by his friends who wore casual yet elegant clothing that suited their personalities best. he approaches atsumu first, the blonde twin smiling brightly at the sight of kageyama nearing with his hands in his pockets.

"tobio-chan!" he exclaims, an arm extended to wrap around kageyama's shoulders. "take it you were practicing again, huh?"

"yes," he answers, taking the beer bokuto enthusiastically offers him. "i don't want to waste my free time not practicing."

"you spend so much time improving yet you remain mediocre at best," tsukishima snickers, taking a light sip of his beer. "at ease, your majesty."

"i'm 21!" hinata pleads, showing the bartender three valid ids. "i'm of age! i'm allowed to drink! atsumu, please tell him i'm of age."

"give him something to drink," atsumu smiles. "it's past his bed time so he's talking nonsense. give him apple juice and he'll think it's beer."

"atsumu-chan!"

kageyama hollers, the warm liquid inside the beer bottle sloshing from his jovial movements. it all feels nostalgic– he feels as if he's back at training camp, except with the presence of atsumu and sakusa, whom he had met at the all youth training; with the addition of ushijima and oikawa's presence.

everyone was here– those he had considered rivals at the opposite ends of the gymnasium, now sharing laughs and stories like they had all been best friends since the beginning of volleyball's existence.

divided by talents and hard work, united by volleyball.

and he was there for hours, talking about nothing but volleyball, except the occasional school talks. kageyama's body unwinds at the familiar environment, the alcohol in his system temporarily taking over his usual tense demeanor.

kageyama was in the middle of ordering another drink when he sees you.

his chest fumes.

you're a seat apart from him, elbows on the counter, dress tight around your body. the scarlet hues of your attire reflecting beautifully underneath the dim lights of the bar. your hair hangs loosely over your shoulders, and suddenly you looked entirely different from the woman he sees on the court– sweaty and tired, bare faced, hair up in a ponytail, agitated yet pumped up with adrenaline at the same time.

your red lips leave a stain on the rocks glass. kageyama clears his throat.

your head darts to his direction. and your eyebrows shoot up in amusement. "kageyama tobio. what a nice surprise."

"nice to see you're dressed like a girl." kageyama puts his elbow on the counter, a strand of hair touching the space above his left eyebrow. your chin tilts up at his backhanded compliment.

"nice to see you have your head out of your ass."

"it happens once in a while." he shrugs, placing the rim of the beer on his lips. you mirror him, sipping on what he assumes to be whiskey. it leaves him impressed. "you're a hard drinker."

"you drink like you're a teenager." you snort. "beer, really? you're at a classy bar and you're drinking beer?"

he cocks his head behind him to show his tipsy friends, cheeks reddened from the alcohol that is taking over their senses little by little. "it's what they offered me."

"you're here to celebrate the black jackals' victory, right?" you spin on your seat, fully facing him. your legs cross and your heel bounces on your bare leg, leg jerking. your nail traces the lips of your glass. "did it hurt your tiny little ego, tobio-chan?"

"i want to hurt your little ego."

"seems like i just hurt it again."

"(y/n)!" kuroo booms behind kageyama, his arms spread to approach you into a hug. you accept it, wrapping your arms around his buff figure, your head in the middle of his chest. kageyama clutches his bottle tightly. "nice to see you here."

"victories should be celebrated," you smile up at him.

kageyama remembers the recent victory of your team in the women's division, ranking second. you were their wing spiker, the main source of the team's consecutive scoring; albeit you weren't their ace, so that fact was enough to lighten his spirits.

"oh! congratulations then, pretty girl," kuroo combs your hair and kisses your cheek. this bond that he sees remains to leave his queries unanswered– he doesn't know when and how you became close wth kuroo, but he knows damn well it didn't happen during high school.

kuroo's lips on your cheek, the smile on your face, the innocence, the close friendship. something pokes on kageyama's brain, and his eye twitches.

"thanks, kuroo."

he walks away and leaves the two of you again. your body rotates to face the counter fully, letting kageyama stare at the sides of your body. he huffs. "where's your team?"

"over there," you cock your head to the side. his eyes follow the crowd of girls laughing somewhat drunkenly, talking loudly about the recent events of your match. "left them alone 'cause i needed another drink."

"okay," is all he says. it's all he ever really says to every person. though the silence that follows is comfortable to him, because kageyama was never really a talker unless it was triggered by anger (thus, he only ever really yelled at hinata, which makes up the most of his loud moments).

you didn't seem to mind the silence, either. you twist your wrist to see the ice cubes rock against one another in your drink, lips pursed, your tongue poking the inside of your cheek. when you bring your glass up to your crimson lips, kageyama speaks again—

"do you wanna get out of here and play with me?"

you almost choke on your drink, eyes widening as you slowly spin to face him. he sees a slight disturbance in your eyes to which he can't figure out the reason why. "what?"

"you know, like, play volleyball with me?"

"oh," you laugh. "we're here at the bar for a reason, tobio-chan. we can't always play volleyball for every second of every day."

kageyama scoffs. "lame."

"excuse me?"

"LAME," he says loudly.

you seethe, eyes narrowing. you slam your glass on the counter, a light rattling sound emitting. you grab your purse that was on your lap tightly, hopping down the seat.

"me? lame? guess which one of us won." you poke your tongue at him. "i'll show you who's lame, loser. calling me lame. who the fuck are you calling lame?!"

you mutter the last sentences, though kageyama laughs behind you as you trail away from him and towards your teammates, bidding your goodbye. their drunken states barely brought the thought of questioning into their minds as they mindlessly let you go.

kageyama, on the other hand, seemed to find difficulty into making the situation innocent— bringing a girl home you met at the bar wasn't a situation that lacked innuendo.

"kageyama, you're bringing a girl home?" hinata pips in surprise. "is- is that (y/n)? you're going to bring her home?!"

"i won't bring her home, dumbass." he snarls. "we're just– gonna toss balls at each other."

"what kind of foreplay are you into?" atsumu snorts. "you're supposed to let her touch your balls."

kageyama shivers. "that's disturbing."

"oi, asshole," you throw your coat on you, easily slipping your arms into each sleeve. kageyama thinks the coat you're wearing was something you grabbed last minute; it did nothing to contrast nor match your dress. it makes him raise a brow. "ready to go?"

"yes," he takes his coat from one of the couches his team sits on. he claps ushijima's back to nods in acknowledgement, ignoring the teasing hollers of his tipsy friends. you blow a kiss to kuroo that sticks a stem of thorns on kageyama's eyes.

🏐 —

the cold never seemed to leave japan no matter the weather. despite this, you're both still comfortable enough in your thick coats that covered your thin clothing.

the snowflakes fall on your hair, melting tiny wet spots at your scalp. there are some that fall on your eyelashes, at the tip of your nose, but it's nothing to you now.

you didn't expect kageyama to bring you at an alleyway beside the bar. you didn't expect that this is what you would be doing at an alleyway. the fact that kageyama had a ball in his car was expected, but it was something you found endearing nonetheless.

your instincts allowed your wrists to seamlessly catch the ball kageyama tosses to you.

"you know, i'd expect that you'd bring a girl back to your apartment, share stories, maybe give her a kiss or two–" kageyama begins to blush, "–but i also don't know why you bringing a girl out to play volleyball does not surprise me."

"just like i always tell you– i don't like spending my time on things that won't improve my skills."

"take it easy, dude," you catch the ball with your hands, keeping it between your palms. "at this rate, you're going to die a virgin."

"who says i'm a virgin?"

"i see you almost piss yourself when you talk to a girl," you snort, tossing the ball back to him.

"i don't piss myself when i talk to you."

"well, thank god you don't." kageyama sneers. "you'll make yourself look even more like a loser. loser of all losers."

the sneer on his face softens just a tiny bit, which is caused by the way you smile at how you had to bend your knees to receive his petty toss.

his heart mimics skipping stones at a quiet lake.

"'m not a loser," he huffs. "dumbass."

you catch the ball between your hands and hurl it at him. "don't call me a dumbass!"

kageyama ducks, yelping loudly. when he returns to his usual stance, he offers you a threatening glare that makes you spin on your heels and bolt, exiting the alleyway. he yells for you, following suit, almost slipping on his shoes from the melted ice on the cemented ground.

your laugh echoes in the midnight streets of tokyo, roads idle and buildings closed. the sound of your heels meeting the cobblestone ground taps his ears like a rhythm, your giggles akin to melodies of a harp. kageyama barely spares a pant, his feet almost catching up to you.

your hair blows past your face, your coat floating in the air; and the wind leaves cold kisses on his face, getting inside his nose that makes it turn red, his sinuses hurting from the crisp impact. he yells your name and you flip him off.

perhaps it was the beer in his system that makes him woozy, the glow of the streetlights becoming blurry. maybe it was because of the sudden whiplash he faces when you duck and he accidentally topples over your bending body, landing on his back on a loud thump.

your laugh scratches his ears irritatingly.

"do you see what i mean?" you bend, placing your hands on your knees. "take it easy. you're too in the moment that you end up hurting yourself."

the pain trembles on his spine, his hair damp on his forehead. he glares at you, his breath evident as it leaves his panting mouth. you offer your hand and he takes it. "don't tell me how to function."

"alright man," you drop his hand, and kageyama falls to the ground again as you raise your hands in mock defeat. "just a friend looking out for you."

kageyama groans, standing up and dusting his pants off. "you're not my friend,"

there's barely any hurt that flashes your eyes; you know he's joking. "ouchie, tobio-chan." you pout, hands clutching each other over your heart. "you really do know how to hurt a girl."

he huffs, like a petulant child. "let's go back to the bar."

you don't realize how far you've gotten away when you begin to walk, your elbows brushing against his, hands warming inside your coat's pockets. kageyama was no longer scowling, his lips pressed into a flat line and staring right ahead.

to your surprise, he asks: "how do you– function without playing volleyball?"

you feel yourself calm down, body relaxing at the warmth kageyama radiates. you look up at him. "there's more to life than volleyball, 'd you know that?" you start softly. "there's nothing wrong with playing a sport for the rest of your life, but i'm just longing for this sense of accomplishment that's different from what i feel when i win a match."

kageyama stares blankly at you, though you could see the gears spinning slowly behind his eyes. "you... you want to be more accomplished?"

"yeah." you let out a sigh. there's hesitance when you open your mouth, like you're unsure if kageyama is the person you should be telling it to.

he hopes you tell him.

that sense of accomplishment— he doesn't know what you're talking about. he's only ever known the elation of winning a match, the confidence that he gains knowing everyone else was also relying on his decisions, realizing that each choice he made brought his team to success. that feeling was addicting, like a drug, something that he chased over and over again.

the feeling of winning in volleyball was all he ever knew. but now—

now he wonders if maybe that feeling was something that's not permanent; that maybe he should be looking for more than just that rush. he wants to know what you're thinking and see what he's missing in his life.

"it's why..." you blink, eyelashes grazing your cheeks as you do so. the gloss over your lips has matted from the cold air, bottom lip getting lost between your teeth. you let out a shaky, nervous sigh. "i'm quitting volleyball."

kageyama snaps his head to you. "what?!"

"yeah," you laugh nervously, shoulders raising. "i've been playing volleyball since i was middle school, tobio. i'm 21, i think it's time to start something new."

his eyebrows furrow. "okay... w-why?"

"kageyama," you say softly. "we can't always live on the rush we get everytime the whistle blows and we've won. there's always more than just tossing balls in a match."

he's a little slow. "uhuh..."

you laugh tiredly. "what i'm trying to say is that volleyball isn't the only battle we have in our life. and i want to win those other battles." you say, then add: "you know, in an analogical kind of way."

"okay." he says. "i get it." just a little.

"which is why tomorrow, i'm officially retired. we're not only just celebrating our victory, y'know," there's a small skip in your step, and when you sniffle, it's a little blocked. "it's kind of like a... what do you call it? going away party? no, that's not right..."

kageyama tunes out the rest of your loud pondering. despite finding you the most irritating being in existence, he feels the slightest bit of dejection at your departure. and he thinks he may lose you the minute you step out– that he'd no longer get to talk to you, practice with you outside of his team;

that after all the years he's known you, he's afraid you're turning your back on something you've both bonded on.

"work with me," he steps in front of you, stopping you in your tracks. you give him an incredulous frown.

"what?"

"be my personal trainer then."

"kageyama, i didn't quit volleyball just so i could work in something related to volleyball. i'm trying to swerve from the sport, y'know?"

"you're not going to train me volleyball." he shakes his head, his hair falling to his sides, ending just above his ears. "you're just... going to help me... be interested in something other than volleyball?"

"so you want me to take up a job where i'm like your concerned mother who wants you to have a life, is that it?"

"n-no! fuck's sake..." you raise your brow at him. "i'm saying that... that you will be like- my- um- personal... assistant?"

"fuck no," you guffaw. "you're ridiculous! are you even going to pay me?"

he stiffens. "i... i'll have to ask m-management for that."

"geez, tobio," you look to the side, baffled by his abrupt conditions. "you know i could just help you find other hobbies as your... acquaintance, right? i don't need to have an official position for you or anything.

he flinches at the word acquaintance.

"besides... why me?"

"because..." he breathes out, like he's been holding his breath for a long time. "i've known you since high school and... you're the only one i'm not shy to look embarrassing to."

your face softens, eyebrows raising. your hand comes out of your pocket and places itself on his bicep. his blush is overpowered by the cold's brutal nipping.

"i can't help you, tobio," you tell him, your lips turning into a flipped smile of empathy. his shoulders slump. "see you around."

you walk past him, and he turns his head to watch you walk away. kageyama thinks he's seen this before, that bite in his heart from seeing your back to him because of something kageyama has stupidly caused. it's all too familiar.

a little too painful.

and he's scared to lose you again.

🏐 —

his phone dings at 4:30am.

you. Am i going to be paid? 4:30am

the sleep on his eyes are flickered away from his sudden energy. kageyama sits up and props himself against his bed frame, clumsily holding his phone between his calloused fingers.

kageyama. like i said, i'll have to ask management. why the sudden question? 4:31am

the gray bubbles on your side appear and disappear for what seems to be five excruciating times. his heart pounds rapidly, fingers trembling.

you. Realized I can't get a good job immediately, lol. This could be a good starter. I'm sacrificing all the ego I've built over the years just so I could work for you. 4:33am

kageyama. WITH me. 4:33am

you. Okay. 4:33am

there's a pause. he doesn't close his phone yet because he knows you're staring at your phone just like he is.

he likes it when he's correct too.

you. Please text me immediately when you've asked your management. Look forward to working WITH you. 4:34am

there's a sense of hope fluttering in him.

suddenly there's a path opening from the cycle he's been running on since his youth. he brazenly follows it.

this is a series haha i won't be telling you how they already know each other u guys just have to wait for the next part

reblogs and feedback are appreciated <3

[milkteasweetheart]

『just like heaven, chapter 1, part 1』

this part contains riddle’s dream sequence. 

housewardens x reader

author’s note: i depict nrc as an actual college, so first years are 18, second years 19, etc.

summary: crowley has the bright idea of a bonding experience, specifically in the form of a dream potion.

characters: (riddle rosehearts), leona kingscholar, azul ashengrotto, jamil viper, vil schoenheit, idia shroud, malleus draconia / platonic mentions: dire crowley (ew), grim

genre: romance, fluff, smidge of angst

warnings: female reader, reader is yuu, reader is around ace and deuce’s height, sappy, marriage, mentions of potential children, some suggestive themes

「dream scene: rose colored reverie」

Being in someone else’s dream looks strange. Seeing your own dreams in your mind’s eye makes you perceive it as high definition, but looking at this place, it’s like watching a movie shot with a lens covered in vaseline. Except for one house, and it's yard where our cast is trying to walk without falling over.

Vil is currently clinging onto the prefect, who had by now developed the skill of surviving whatever wringer life throws her in. Leona groans out of annoyance. It’s bad enough that he has to spend his precious sleeping time doing this fuckery and spending time with the fuckass lizard and the others when he could be cuddling with the prefect (he will never admit that).

“This must be where the dream is set.” Malleus wondered out loud, not turning around when Azul struggled to learn how to use his legs for the second time. Idia was sad that the dream world didn’t have phones to record this with. So was Jamil.

The group were not accompanied by Crowley, who had explained that “Someone needs to make sure that nothing goes wrong!” (Y/N) knew he was going to say that before he said it. Like precognition limited to one singular idiot.

“...certainly not a pleasant start to this. The headmage said we must go through everyone’s dreams… what a bother.” Azul had managed to conquer the task of standing without falling over. “Got something embarrassing to hide, octopunk? We’ll see yours eventually.” Leona was quick to take out his annoyance on Azul, to which he only rolled his eyes. What a brute.

(Y/N) looked at everyone. They seemed fine. She deliberately ignored Vil, who was still clinging onto her forearm despite being able to walk by now as evidenced when she went to check on Riddle, who was standing still, staring at the house. With silent horror. Vil’s face was quickly changed into a smug smile. “What’s wrong, Rosehearts?” His words didn’t match his tone, a patronizing mockery. Riddle wondered if magic could be used in the realm of dreams. He’d like to shut Vil up, and get out of here. He knew exactly what this dream was about.

Yet, Riddle didn’t answer. Instead, he blushed as he heard a car roll into the driveway. A cute little vintage car. (Y/N) looked as… she herself stepped out? She was wearing a snazzy suit with a fedora, and carrying a briefcase. Very fitting with the old-timey vibe this whole place was oozing. But why was she here?

Azul watched Riddle suffer with glee, excited at the prospect of a rival removing themselves from the chase of (Y/N)’s heart.

「Azul: Oho! Interesting!」

Idia was concerned at Azul’s widening smile. Hell no. He NEEDS to figure out how to stop this series of unskippable cutscenes or he will be COOKED.

Jamil looks at Dream (Y/N)’s face. It’s quite accurate, with the exception of an uncharacteristic smoldering look. Wait… Oh, this’ll be good.

Dream (Y/N) has somehow acquired a bunch of roses, painted red, and opens the door. The group peers inside. Riddle wishes to pass away. 

「Riddle: How can I offend Draconia as fast as possible so that he’ll smite me out of existence?」

“Welcome home, beloved!” (Y/N) watches as the Dream Riddle greets her dream counterpart with a kiss on the cheek. Dream (Y/N) presents him the bouquet, which he gladly takes.

It’s going to be a long night.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Killua and the Power of Wishes

Okay going to try and make this coherent because the amount of wish association all through Killua's character development makes me want to chew plaster.

As a fair warning, this analysis ended up being long as hell, and I didn't even include everything I could've said. This is also just one lens to analyze Killua's story arc with, and I feel there are other valid interpretations of some of these moments. This is just one of mine, so keep that in mind please.

One last warning that this analysis does discuss emotional manipulation and abuse, as is par for Killua's background.

Let's set the stage with one important piece of info: Killua's birthday.

Killua's birthday is July 7th, the same day as Tanabata. Tanabata is a folklore-rich festival where according to legend, the two lovers, weaver Orihime and cowherd Hikoboshi, represented by the two stars, Vega and Altair, are allowed to reunite once a year after separation. A popular custom of Tanabata is to make wishes by writing them down on tanzaku, then hang it on a bamboo tree so that the wish might one day come true.

Tanabata is also known as the Star Festival. Please keep this in mind, because I'm going to come back to it.

To finish setting up the lens for this analysis, I'm going to need to dig into the game-changer scene for Killua's early characterization - his confrontation with Illumi at the end of the Hunter Exam, and specifically, the exact nature of Illumi's manipulation of him.

I say "game-changer" because it really is - up until this point, it's kind of fair to not fully know what to think about Killua. Certainly, he seems excited to hang out with Gon (he approached him first, after all) and he's friendly enough, but he's also arrogant and claims to be motivated mainly by boredom. For all intents and purposes, Killua seems set up to be Gon's dangerous yet charismatic rival... but then this scene happens and it completely turns it all on its head.

Because Killua may have mentioned his family was controlling before, but he seriously downplayed the severity of it - likely because he has no point of reference for how awful his situation actually is other than it makes him feel bad and trapped. Illumi's appearance immediately shifts our understanding of Killua from runaway murder kid with annoying murder family to straight-up victim of emotional abuse, and dissolves his cockiness instantly to terror.

What does all this have to do with wishes? Glad you asked. Let's look at some of Illumi's dialogue.

[ID: A screenshot from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. Killua looks up, sweating and conflicted, as Illumi tells him "You don't want anything or wish for anything." End ID.]

This is the crux of Illumi's (and the family's) control. Killua's desires do not align with the family trade. They must be excised from him.

When Killua insists that he does have something that he really wants, Illumi says "Tell me what it is you want", in a mockery of a certain other sibling who would have helped fulfill this wish - Illumi asks only so he can completely dismantle it. And Killua isn't even really surprised at Illumi's words, just heartbroken. You can tell this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened.

Killua states his wish quite fervently; he really means it. But his words are not rebellious, nor cathartic. Instead, he answers Illumi quietly, as if fearful or ashamed, almost reminiscent of a sinner's confession.

[ID: Two screenshots from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. In the first Killua looks down with a troubled expression, saying "I want to become friends with Gon...". In the second, his face is hidden as he stands with hands clenched at his sides with a spotlight on him. He says "I'm sick of killing people..." End ID.]

It's such an innocent, simple want.

And Illumi proceeds to make him feel like even something so simple is harmful and selfish of him... not to the family, but to Gon.

In a matter of a few minutes, Illumi breaks down Killua's wish by:

Acknowledging this desire, but twisting it into something that will inevitably fade over time, thereby causing Killua to doubt his own conviction and feelings -> "Gon is a novelty, a radiant presence who has piqued your curiosity. No more than that."

Acknowledging that Gon is someone important to Killua, and undermining this by telling him that by his very nature, he will eventually bring harm to Gon, which makes him feel as though Killua cannot trust himself to be a good friend -> "If you try to be friends with him, you will one day want to kill him... because you are, by nature, a murderer." (As a... delightful... bonus, this is also apparently how Silva and Illumi justify their treatment of Killua to him - "This is the essence of your existence and we taught you accordingly." Like they adapted to Killua's nature, instead of them molding Killua into who they wanted him to be.)

Delivering an ultimatum - to fight Illumi and win, or else Gon will die - that Killua is doomed to fail due to his upbringing and the needle in his head. Since Killua doesn't know about the needle, he assumes this is his own personal failure, something Illumi feeds into -> "You're just not qualified to make friends."

And it's the last point that breaks him. The first two shoot down Killua's present wish, but the last proceeds to shatter any hope he might've had of wishing for anything similar in the future - he has told him that his desires are weak, temporary, inherently dangerous to those around him, and worst of all, aren't enough on their own for him to deserve friendship and love from others. And the clincher: Killua feels like all of this is his own fault, that there is something inherently dangerous and wrong with him!

So, it doesn't even matter to Killua anymore if he fails the Hunter Exam. To him, he just failed the only test that mattered.

10/10 manipulation, Illumi. Fuck you, seriously.

Killua's character arc is mainly his quest and struggle to refute Illumi's arguments and to shake off the manipulation and the ways in which his family have molded and controlled him. And by far, the most difficult part of his conditioning to shake off is this idea that he is undeserving of anything more than what he is already given.

It's almost like the family has drilled it into him that wishes are dangerous. How interesting.

Thankfully, however, there are two parties to Killua's wish here - Gon, too, is a part of it, and it is not simply his reciprocated desire to be Killua's friend that saves him, but also his recognition of Killua's situation for what it is (notably, when no one else correctly identified the true issue).

"You know it wasn't his choice. You manipulated him, kidnapping his spirit!"

The ensuing Zoldyck family arc emphasizes that Gon is 100% correct: the main hold Killua's family has on him isn't physical - it's all emotional.

Killua breaks one of his shackles when Milluki threatens to have his new friends killed, but he only breaks the rest when Zeno tells him he's free to go. So, if Killua could break loose at any point, was this still a rescue like Gon said?

Well, yes - just because he absolutely could've broken out physically at any time, that does not mean he could just leave. That's the nature of situations such as this - it's not as simple as "just leaving". Support is necessary, as is actually having something tangible outside the situation to go to - otherwise there is little point to leaving at all. Gon (and Kurapika and Leorio) showing up to free Killua showed him that his wish was reciprocated and allowed him to break one cuff - this is the start of his journey, but he still has a long ways to go. Notably, he again hesitates and closes off when Silva asks what he wants.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 42. In the first, Silva asks Killua "...would you like to see [Gon]?" Killua's expression is complicated in the next panel - he's closed off and uncertain. Silva continues "Be honest, Kil... what do you want?" End ID.]

Killua will backtalk and casually break his shackles and death glare his family... but he's too fearful to voice his wants aloud.

And once again, asked by his father what he wants, he is subtly set up to fail. His wish is granted, but made conditional - "Do not betray your friends", something Killua is regrettably set up to do by virtue of the needle in his head that he, again, doesn't know about. Silva fully expects him to fail and come back home, disillusioned, believing it's his own fault due to his "nature", and trusting in Silva still as a "reasonable" figure in his life.

This condition placed on his friendship is what drives much of Killua's fear and insecurity with regards to Gon for much of the series - the idea that Killua has to earn his right to friendship, and that if he doesn't, he will lose it, one way or another.

It really makes me wish that Killua had actually gotten to hear Gon's views on friendship from the beginning of the Zoldyck Family arc, because it entirely refutes this entire philosophy. He even outright refuses to go through the Testing Gates at first, purely because he thinks the sentiment of needing to prove yourself just to be friends is completely outrageous - he only relents because there is no other way.

[ID: Two screenshots from episodes 21 and 22 of the 2011 HxH anime adaptation. Gon looks up at Illumi and firmly states "[Killua] doesn't need to earn the right to be my friend!" In the second, Gon's face is seen in profile and close up as he asks "Why would you test your friends?" End ID.]

I doubt it would've truly prevented Killua's insecurity from manifesting even if he had heard this, to be honest - his issues with usefulness are very deep-rooted in his upbringing - but still, it would've been nice for him to hear, I think.

However, that's not to say that this exact sentiment doesn't come through in their interactions.

Gon, as Killua's friend, cares about what Killua actually wants and wants to make sure Killua knows that - and that's part of what makes the Whale Island conversation between them really important.

[ID: Two images, both of the same scene from HxH chapter 64, and episode 37 of the 2011 anime. In the manga panel, Gon has turned his head to look at Killua directly, who looks shocked and taken aback, to say "I like hanging out with you." In the anime screenshot, Gon has turned his whole body to face Killua, and says "I think it's fun to be with you." End ID.]

I see a lot of people chalk this up to just Gon being Gon, but it reads to me as much more deliberate than even his usual honesty. He's turned so he's looking directly at Killua, which is a sure way to make his words come across clearly. The lead up to this is Killua, again, not knowing or being able to vocalize what he wants. He doesn't have a goal to work towards like Gon, he only knows what he doesn't want - he's a mix of envious and admiring towards Gon, who knows what he wants and simply goes for it.

But this conversation makes it clear that they have a shared wish - they both want to be friends, and they'd both like to stay together. It's not about earning, to Gon, it's only about if they both want the same thing - mutual, not conditional. There's a nice almost call-and-response type dialogue here, where Gon asserts that he likes spending time with Killua (very directly lol), then shares that Killua is the first friend his age he's had. This prompts Killua to say that Gon is his first friend ever, and that he does have fun with him. And just like that, Gon replies "Then let's stay together!" and pointedly includes Killua's desire to find a goal in their, now shared, upcoming journey.

Overhead, a shooting star appears in the sky. A mutual wish is granted.

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 64. The night sky is full of stars. In the centre is a shooting star. End ID.]

Hm. Stars. Remember how I told you to keep that in mind, all the way back at the beginning? Their association with Tanabata, making a wish on a shooting star, etc. etc.?

Well, buckle up because this star is going to make you experience so much sadness now.

[ID: Panels from HxH chapter 286. The first is a conversation between Killua and Meleoron where Killua asserts he intends to "go down in flames with [Gon]". When Meleoron looks concerned, Killua brushes off the declaration as a joke. In the second image, Killua is turned away, his outline pale, as Meleoron thinks "Why... did you looks so sad... back there?" The last image is a cloudy night sky filled with stars. At the centre of the panel is a shooting star. End ID.]

Yeah, it makes its reappearance directly after Killua has "jokingly" resolved to die with Gon if it comes down to it, after "since it means nothing to you".

I am assured, in Japanese, the word choice here is 心中 (shinjuu), the word for double suicide, where the intent is to die at the same time in the same manner in order to be reunited in the afterlife. The implication here is that Killua, having increasingly grown insecure in his place by Gon's side but unable to voice this, knowing that Gon is hurtling down the path of no return, thinks back to their conversation under the stars where they both mutually wished to stay together and, because he believes that it is no longer possible for him to help Gon, has resolved to stay by his side in death, and after it.

...holy shit, kid.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 4th ending of the 2011 anime. In the first, Gon and Killua stand back to back as meteors fall around them. In the second, they stand facing away from the audience towards a body of water under a night sky filled with stars - Gon throws a stone, which flashes in the air like a shooting star. End ID.]

And of course, here's the shooting star again in the 2011 anime's Nagareboshi Kirari ending, as well as it being the subject of the song itself and rather explicitly referencing that wish to go on a journey together, to stay together, because... Madhouse hates us. I guess. :'(

What started off as a simple wish for a friend deepened into a wish to always stay by Gon's side. This is largely good at first! Killua is able to explore and experience genuine friendship, to get a taste for freedom, and use the power of his fervent wish to protect his dear friend in order to rid himself of Illumi's needle. However, the more Killua wants, the more he traps these wishes in monologues within his own head and does not voice them aloud. Part of it is that he already feels he's been given much more than he deserves - seeing himself as a creature of darkness and Gon as light - but a greater part of the issue here is not that Killua is afraid to wish for things, but that he is afraid wishing without "compensation" will inevitably lead to horrible repercussions - namely, losing who he loves.

In order to feel worthy of staying with Gon, of earning his friendship, Killua works hard to help Gon achieve his goals, taking on the role of wish grantor, growing to do practically anything needed to support him for seemingly nothing in return - but that's not 100% true. Killua wants at least some appreciation, whether he admits it or not - it's a security thing, and it also clearly makes him happy, even if he's not great at accepting it. He insists in Chimera Ant arc that friends don't need to thank friends, but this declaration always read as very sudden to me or like a rationalization, and it's relevant to remember that this is at the peak of Gon isolating himself and self-destructing before his eyes, and Killua's own insecurity regarding his importance to him.

Killua might not mind doing things without thanks, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like to hear that Gon appreciates him. He clearly does appreciate verbal confirmation of their bond! We know this.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 2011 anime. The first is from episode 61. Killua smiles down at the ground with his hands in his pockets, the colours having gone soft and bright. The second is from episode 70 during the dodgeball match. Gon smiles determinedly in the foreground as Killua looks shocked next to him. End ID.]

Keeping all this in mind, Killua's story, or at least this part of it, couldn't have concluded in a better way than his rescue of Alluka, the wish grantor.

Now, I could probably write an entire other analysis on Alluka and Nanika alone, but for the sake of not making this any longer than I already have, I'm going to go through only a few points. Alluka is incomprehensible to her family because they make no attempt to understand her, with the exception of Killua. The only thing they do seem to understand, when explained to them, is the demands made after Nanika grants a wish - this, of course, fits neatly into their own predetermined views on "earning" and "punishment". However, beyond this, they make no attempt to understand her, and since her power is deemed dangerous and uncontrollable, she is locked away.

They are worried, first and foremost, that Alluka will bring harm to the family, and there's two ways in which this could be true:

As a function of failing to fulfill her requests, of course

Because she, just by existing, threatens the family's status quo

I stated at the beginning that Killua's desires do not align with those of the family business, and he's always apparently been more open to understanding others - he asks Alluka and Nanika questions to understand them, and treats them with respect, while his family are more so focused on subjugating anything that might be a threat. This is what Illumi tried to drill into Killua after all; never fight a superior opponent - everything is about assessments of relative strength, which leaves no room for open-mindedness or getting to know people.

Faced with a daughter who is clearly incomprehensibly powerful, and a son, the would-be inheritor of the family trade, who is showing a disturbing amount of willingness to befriend instead of retreat from her, the family made the decision to excise Alluka not just from where she could "harm" the family power-wise, but also likely to secure their control over Killua, who they then set about practically programming to not have any more wishes for himself, or at least to not be able to vocalize them without fear of loss or retribution.

The family's nickname for Killua is "Kil" or "Killu", which is deeply fascinating to me as a reader - nicknames are expressions of endearment, typically, and I actually don't doubt that here. Killua's family does love him, but their love comes with conditions. He must be molded into the perfect son, and every part of him that doesn't fit must be excised.

So: Killua's memories of Alluka are suppressed with the needle, and she is further cut from his life by dropping the "a" from his name (the Zoldyck children are named like a game of shiratori - Illumi -> Milluki -> Killua -> Alluka -> Kalluto). The nickname is also like a command or order "to kill", which is of course what they want him to do.

Saving Gon through saving Alluka and Nanika forces Killua to have to face down the last and hardest of Illumi's manipulations to shake, and that's the notion that a wish, that kindness and friendship and love, cannot be unconditional without severe repercussions - where the people he cares about get hurt because of him, something he cannot envision being forgiven for.

It's a little sad to me that after spending most of the series struggling against his family's teachings that they didn't lead to Killua betraying Gon at all, as he'd feared... but to him betraying Nanika, by sending her away.

Here is this little girl with a bloodstained past, incredibly powerful and dangerous and capable of amazing feats, treated as some evil thing by those who fear her. But she is kind at heart. Her true strength lies in healing, not killing. And she only takes commands from Killua.

Illumi thinks this is because Killua is the only one with control over her. Killua believes this is because she wants praise. They're both partially correct, but this is not the full reason Nanika does what Killua asks of her.

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146 of the 2011 anime. In the first, Nanika smiles and says "I love Killua." In the second, Killua looks at her, stricken. End ID.]

Nanika loves him. Everyone has been trying to figure out all these complicated rules and conditions on her wish granting and why Killua is the one exception, but the answer is exceedingly simple. She loves him, and wants to do nice things for him so he can have his wishes granted. It's the only way she knows to get the love that she wants in turn.

Just like her brother, Nanika makes herself useful to earn love and appreciation from someone who accepted her when no one else did.

Even though he knows Nanika just wants to help, he still sees her presence as a danger to the person he sees as pure and innocent who must be protected. He sends her away because her "nature" is to be a threat to Alluka's safety, even if she doesn't intend to be. Killua's fear of Illumi and repercussions causes him to make a horrible mistake.

And Alluka tears into him for it.

[ID: A set of panels from HxH chapter 336. A furious Alluka glares and asks Killua if he made Nanika cry. When Killua stutters, she demands he apologize to her. End ID.]

You tell him, girl.

Oh hey, this looks a little familiar, huh?

"Apologize to Killua!" says Gon to Illumi after Illumi sends Killua away.

Nanika should not be the one punished for the actions of those trying to control her. She certainly shouldn't be forced to leave those she loves, or have to earn love from them.

And neither should Killua.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 336. Alluka yells, tears in her eyes, "If you're going to protect me... you have to protect Nanika too!!" Killua looks shocked, then his eyes widen. End ID.]

It's interesting to me that this is the line that snaps Killua out of his fear enough for him to properly speak with Nanika and apologize. One party cannot receive all the protection, nor can the other only give and give limitlessly.

Killua makes it clear to Nanika when speaking with her that he will protect her, and that she doesn't need to earn affection from people by granting their wishes. He promises they will both be there for each other - Killua will praise her whenever she wants, and not just when she does something for him, but he also doesn't refuse Nanika's desire to grant his wishes. It's mutual, not conditional.

And on the heels of this "betrayal", Killua asks for what he never thought he could receive - forgiveness. And even though Nanika is clearly still very upset...

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146. In the first, Nanika and Killua face each other, both of them teary. Nanika says "Kay." In the second, he has pulled her into a hug. Nanika is teary, her fingers gripping Killua's back tightly. End ID.]

...she doesn't even have to think about it.

I do think Killua still has a ways to go, but he is in a position right now to learn from his relationship with his sisters about balance - that love is not just selfless devotion, but also allowing those who love you to help you and make you happy too. I think that's what unconditional love is, in a way - supporting and working together with the people you love to make each other's wishes come true.

[bitchimasnake-sss]

it got worse ft. choso kamo!

this is part two to my fic "just a distraction". so, i recommend that you read that first lol (but it can be read as a standalone too!)

set-up: after your plan to distract your academic rival backfired so hard, you don't have it in you to seek him out. well, is it a blessing or a curse when he decides he will seek you out instead then?

warnings: PORN WITH PLOT; nsfw thoughts includes cunnilingus, in public, dirty talking. mdni as always :)

"are you serious?" yuuta gave you a skeptical look.

"what?" you defended by hiding your face under a pillow and avoiding your friends' concerned looks.

"i'm sorry but it's the third day you're missing lecture. over a boy. who even are you?" maki continued where yuuta left off.

"she's lovesick, is what she is. or dicksic—" nobara quipped up next.

you threw the pillow at the source of her voice. then, slowly, you looked up at your three friends, who stood there as if observing an animal in the zoo. except this wasn't a zoo, it was your dorm room. and the animal under surveillance was you.

"this was all your plan!" you pointed at nobara accusingly.

"my plan was to go fuck choso's brain out so that you can get an edge over him in academics. my plan wasn't for you to develop a crush on his weird ass."

"i don't have a crush on him!" you tried to cool off your burning face by fanning it, "i just can't see him again. what am i gonna say?? hey choso remember the day i came over during break like a month ago and you went down on me? i can't fucking stop thinking about that or about you! what are your thoughts on that, choso hm?"

"well, when you phrase it so pathetically-"

yuuta cut off the green-haired athlete lest she say something downright stupid, "see, i am sure choso won't bring it up either. he hasn't made an effort to like text you or anything. it's been a whole month, i am sure he doesn't really care all that much?"

"ughh. how is that consoling to hear? that means whatever happened between us probably sucked."

"well you did suck—"

"—nobara!"

"point being." yuuta reasoned, "you need to go to class. gojo sensei is a serious drama queen. he'd probably mark your grade down because you're missing classes for seemingly no reason. and that'll affect your grades.

you groaned and yuuta continued, "just go to class. and if you see choso, avoid him. i am sure he won't come seeking you out."

"fine."

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

well, this was going okay, you guess? i mean, gojo sensei did 100% make weird jokes about your absence in front of the entire class but thus far, nothing else was amiss. choso was holed up in his regular seat near the window far to your left and hadn't been looking at you from what you could notice.

fuck. truly the only one getting distracted was you.

so, halfway through the lecture (that you couldn't pay attention to anyways), you decided you would confront choso and ask him why he didn't text you back or something.

so, you waited till class was over. standing outside the gate, you waited for the raven-haired man to come out so that you could confront him. but the moment he actually started coming towards the door, your feet took you by their own accord. you ran through the hallways and into the library.

that's right, maybe you should catch up on the studying you missed? self-study truly is the best study after all? and not like choso will come hunting you down here, in the library. so, you chose to go take a seat in your usual spot, the one farthest and where nobody came to disturb you.

sighing, you took our your laptop and notebook, setting it down on the table. you took a deep breath and decided you could deal with him when you were ready-

"why did you bolt off when you saw me?" choso asked as he dragged the chair next to you and sat down. he dropped something heavy on the desk and you noticed from the corner of your eye that it was the book you had taken over to his under the pretense of studying.

"thanks for the book. i forgot i left it at yours."

liar.

you had left it at his so you could go back and get it. and the day you went back, hopefully, choso would have remembered some of the steam and gotten you into his bed again.

but you never went and he never called.

"no worries. i was surprised how you would be able to do integrals without it." he stretched his limbs, muscles shifting under the thin material of his shirt. he then propped his right elbow on the wooden table. resting his face on his palm, he looked at you, "why were you missing lectures?"

"personal issues." you replied without looking away from your laptop screen. as if typing your assignment furiously will make him disappear into thin air.

"ah, okay. i thought you got sick or something."

if you were braver, you would have said it out loud. but you were a coward, so, you mumbled, "if you were so worried, you could have texted me or something."

you obviously didn't expect for him to hear that.

"we're not friends. it would have been awkward. what would have people thought if they realized i'm texting the second best student at uni?"

you whipped your face to look at his. but all your anger melted away when you took in his features. his tired eyes, the tattoo on his nose. did he cut his hair? it was slightly shorter, you think? whatever, he was still a dick.

-and dick reminds you...

"i-" you looked at your screen again, hands stilling against the keyboard and resting on the plastic keycaps, "even if we aren't friends. why didn't you text me? was- idk. like, was our last time so bad? even if it was, it's not a gentle-manly thing to do! to ghost a fucking girl out of nowhere!"

"i thought it was a one time thing." he replied back easily, still looking at your bunched features, "i thought you had some built up frustration after seeing the result and you had come take your mind off of it."

"so, what are you saying? was it just 'nother quick fuck session with your classmate? you shoved your pen in his direction, a direct attack by invading his private space. your face scrunched up in disgust, "you do this frequently? am i just the newest addition to the roster?"

as your gaze tangled with his, the sheer intensity in his eyes sent a shiver through your system. he quirked an eyebrow up, his lips pressed into a thin line. the pen slipped past your light grasp and under the desk.

"do you know you're ruining my life?" his eyes searched for yours then travelled down to your lips, "you're actually ruining my fucking life."

and he knelt down.

"choso wh-" your eyes widened as his arm reached under the desk, looking for your pens as his gaze remained trained on you.

adjusting his position, he moved till he was under the desk, hidden by the chair and your legs in front of him. once he found the pen, his sleek fingers pulled his hair back. he carefully tied his flowing hair with your pen.

looking up at you, his igniting touches dragged upwards from your knee to the hem of your skirt.

"wh- what are you doing?" you bit down your lip are his fingers travelled inwards, caressing your inner thigh agonizingly slow.

his forearms pulled your body towards him till you were barely seated on the edge. looking around maniacally to spot any other person, you looked back down at the sight in front of you.

his hair was pulled back, arms around your thighs and tongue licking a clean strip from your mid-thigh. slowly moving upwards, his hot breath danced over your drenched panties.

pressing a chaste kiss to your thighs. giving you a small (almost innocent) smile, he whispered, "i think i should return the favour. be a gentleman, hm?"

his thumb swiped over the wet fabric. the slick allowed him to rub over the swollen nub while his other hand found his erect dick. he bit back a groan as he palmed himself through the sweats.

"choso, stop mhmm no-" you whined as he pushed the fabric aside and swiped over your clit. the pad of his thumb moved methodically- going up and down, to the sides and in tight circular motion- while his lips pressed innocent kisses all over your thighs.

"cho~ nghh someone is gonna see us, plea-please stop—"

"shut up then. go back to your assignment. let's pretend i'm not even here, yeah?"

"chosoo—" you whined slowly, looking around again to see no one was around. once you were thorough with your inspection, you found yourself meeting his sinful gaze, rutting your hips in sync with his calloused fingers.

"—look up or people are gonna get suspicious." he stilled for a second, letting his words register in your head. when he refused to move his deft fingers against your pulsing heat, you finally took your eyes off him. training your eyes at the screen instead, you ignored his rough treatment on your clit.

kissing your soft skin, his fingers played with your drenched core. you closed your eyes, feeling his heavy weight against you body. he sucked on your skin and then looked up at you to give you a lewd look. something between a smug smile and a feral, animalistic desire.

"that's right, just do your work okay? i'm gonna handle the rest." he whispered against the blossoming bruise, "trust me when i say that it's taking everything inside me to not fuck you right here, right now."

his lips ghosted over your clitoris as his fingers dipped inside of you. the hot breath set your body on fire as his slim digits played against your inner mechanics. finally, he placed a soft kiss o your twitching, swollen nub and you chose to bite down on your lips instead on moaning his name out.

your hips burned against the wood. your forehead was getting damper and damper with each leisurely lick. and every attempt of writing a word of your assignment was just another incoherent jamble, fueled by his fucked up fantasies.

your pelvis rolled with his finger and the ache built up in your stomach as he went faster and faster against you, still whispering sweet nothings as if honey was his own language.

the ache built and built and built and you closed your eyes as your orgasm finally washed over you like waves. you tucked your head under your arms, resting your forehead against the cool, wooden desk as you silently screamed out.

his fingers slowed down their assault on your twitching body and he pressed one last kiss to your quivering thighs before removing his fingers. fixing your underwear and cleaning off the nectar on his fingers, he climbed up again.

you cocked your head sideways to look at him. he flashed you a grin before taking the pen out and handing it back to you, "here you go. you should be careful with your belongings"

you rolled your eyes, "fuck off."

and he gave you another large smile, relishing in your huffs and jitters.

pulling yourself back up, you truly thought he'd walk away now that you had cum over his fingers. i mean what else was left? he had come and ruined your concentration. he had won at your game. so what else now? why wasn't he leaving?

"uhm" you gave him a skeptical look, "aren't you gonna go now?"

he raised an eyebrow, dragging the chair closer next to you, "want me gone so soon?"

you turned around to face him. you could feel the steam physically rise out of your face out of sheer embarrassment. "i mean i thought we were just... like? you know—"

"—fuck buddies or something?"

"i mean yeah?"

"i don't think we can be fuck buddies. or friends with benefits." when your face fell, he gave you an honest smile, "'cause we aren't exactly friends... and we haven't exactly fucked."

a blush crept up your throat at his ease over such depraved words, "right, yeah."

"but." he dragged his chair outwards and stood up, "we can be. friends, i mean." he looked away from you, pausing. "i mean, i'll text you maybe?"

"maybe?"

"maybe." he tucked in the chair inwards to it's actual position. then his fingers drummed along the wooden chair, "i am still not sure if i wanna be friends with my rival, you know?"

"oh, fuck off."

he started walking away, giving you a last smile over his shoulder, "i'll text you."

you bit back a smile of your own, "i'll wait."

a/n: tempted to make a third part (and finish off the story with a sweet, nice bow) but idk if i should lol. part three is up! hope you enjoy!! tagging: @somejojofanlol @little-art-addiction @seaweed-empire @basilgardener @rkiveinmarvel

[penguwastaken]

Nobody Understands Mukuro Ikusaba (aka Mukuro Character Analysis)

...except for the people that do (lol).

But first I want to clarify what I mean by this title and why I even wrote this thread in the first place. Mukuro is my second favorite Danganronpa character, only beaten out by Kyoko. There's a lot of reasons why I really like Mukuro, but one of them is her writing.

I think she's one of the best written characters in the series. But unfortunately, she also happens to be one of the most misunderstood characters as well. Not even by the people who don't like her, but also by her own fans.

"Mukuro has incestuous feelings for Junko" "Danganronpa 3 retconned her character" "Mukuro was just a plot device" These are all claims that baffle me because simply just consuming the media will say otherwise.

To many, Mukuro is either a one note incest freak or a pure innocent cinnamon roll who did nothing wrong and both of those interpretations are wildly incorrect. I've been meaning to write this post for a while, but we're finally here.

Nobody understands Mukuro Ikusaba (a ""🧵"") (Spoiler warning for the entire series)

Story Overview

We don't actually know too much about Mukuro's backstory aside from the fact that at a young age, she was separated from her younger twin sister Junko. Before being taken away, she claims that she was homeless and after she was taken she was forced to become a member of the military group Fenrir.

So clearly Mukuro never really had the chance to have a normal life, and more importantly: never had a chance to feel the care of another person.

Her sister, who Mukuro had not seen in years, suddenly got in contact with her and called Mukuro over to participate in her plan to overthrow Hope's Peak Academy (and the world). Mukuro, who already felt bad for losing her sister and was desperate for any kind of affection, accepted and began working for Junko.

Junko took advantage of Mukuro's desperation and had her basically work as a servant to her plans. She started by having Mukuro wipe out the entirety of a middle school in order to prove Mukuro's skills and how far Mukuro would go for her.

With that out of her way, Junko made Mukuro obey like her servant in order to overthrow Hope's Peak and cause the tragedy. Mukuro did so without batting an eye and disregarding any second thoughts she might have had, all while facing Junko's abuse.

During her time attending Hope's Peak, Mukuro met Makoto Naegi. Unlike most of her classmates, Makoto was friendly to her and showed her compassion. This confused her as we already established that Mukuro wasn't used to affection. Because of this and her tendency to latch onto anyone who shows her even an ounce of care, she began to develop feelings for Makoto (that even Junko acknowledged).

"In the past two years, Ikusaba had gained an interest in the world beyond her sister. And in that world, Makoto Naegi--the first person who smiled at her and bridged the gap between her and the world--had become like a sapling of sincerity taking root in her heart." -Danganronpa IF confirming Mukuro's feelings for Makoto

"Upupupu… I wonder what kind of fun you were having in the infirmary? Did you take care of your rival in love, or did you wish them a happy marriage? Either way, don't you think our nice guy Naegi standing side-by-side with Kirigiri makes for a wonderful picture? If this were a thriller, they'd be the last surviving couple!" "Upupupupu… Or how about just killing all of the others? If everyone but you and Naegi die, then the two of you can spend the rest of your student lives together! After all, we can't even hold a trial if there's only two people left. Maybe it'll be best if you just hole up here, safe in the building forever!" "And what're you going to do once he goes back to his old self? It's not as if you were dating Naegi, right? You were just watching him from afar all this time! Now this is a shock. You can shoot right through people's heads and hearts without even blinking, but you can't even steal away some skinny little boy's heart! You want me to tell you who Naegi had a crush on before his memories were erased? Upupupupu…" -Junko teasing Mukuro about her feelings as she aids Makoto in Danganronpa IF

Once the tragedy occured, Mukuro was locked inside of Hope's Peak with Junko and the rest of their classmates and she helped orchestrate the killing game. She disguised herself as Junko, under the impression that Junko would fake her death and they could spend the rest of the game together.

This is when the seeds of doubt began to sprout inside of Mukuro. I wouldn't say that she necessarily began to go against her sister, but she definitely was starting to get a little more hesitant.

"It was only recently that she began to question her mindset. Hearing about this plan from Junko and watching the world burn at the hands of people in Monobear masks did nothing to sway her, but when she heard that Junko was intending to plunge Naegi and the others into a game of murder, something within her began to move. The seed of doubt soon took root, sprouting into a thorny vine that twisted around her feet. And the moment she met her friends for the first time under the identity of Junko Enoshima and realized their memories were truly gone, the vines quickly tightened around her ankles." -Danganronpa IF describing Mukuro's feelings when the killing game began

To Makoto and the player who are under the impression that this is Junko, they assume that she's referring to not wanting to be a model anymore. But given her backstory of never being able to live a normal life and always having to fend for herself or follow the orders of others, we can infer what she actually means. She expresses disappointment in the fact that she never really had a chance to do what she wanted.

This all culminates in the moment where Junko was supposed to fake the death of Mukuro, but that isn't what happened. Instead, Junko killed Mukuro and betrayed her. To say that Junko felt no remorse from this action would be a lie, however. Junko only did this because she knew it would hurt both of them.

...but what if that wasn't what happened? What if Mukuro wasn't killed? What would happen then? That brings us to:

Danganronpa IF

Danganronpa IF answers the hypothetical question of what if Mukuro survived Junko's attack. Of course this means it isn't canon, but due to Kodaka being involved with its creation and its existence as an event that hypothetically could have happened, it is canon compliant. This means that while the events didn't happen in canon, they could have and things like characterization are all accurate. Think of it like an extended free time event. While the events themselves aren't canon, the things they say and imply are. I'll also be referencing Danganronpa IF a lot because since it's told from Mukuro's perspective, it gives a lot of insight on her thought process.

After regaining his memories, Makoto recognizes and rescues Mukuro seconds before her would-be death and he gets impaled by one of the spears. Mukuro rushes to save him, abandoning her disguise and goal.

During this time, Mukuro does a lot of thinking. Why did Junko try to kill her? For all the time they've been working together, Mukuro always assumed that her job was to prop Junko up and help her achieve despair.

It turns out that Junko didn't want Mukuro to obey Junko's every order, Junko wanted Mukuro to retaliate. She didn't want Mukuro to submit to her, but instead to fight back.

With this Mukuro changes her mind, choosing to fight Junko instead of assisting her. Not because she's on the side of hope, she never cared about hope or despair, but because she only wants what's best for the only person in her life who cared for her.

"'That's why… I'll take responsibility. I'll make you happy, Junko . I'll make youdespair. I'll save Naegi-kun… I'll make sure none of our friends die. I'll get them all out of here. And I'll kill every last one of the ones on the outside. You planned this for years and killed so many people to make this work… so I'll destroy every last trace of it.' She was not driven by resentment at the sister who abandoned her. Ikusaba would do all this for her sister's sake." -Mukuro changing her approach to making Junko happy in Danganronpa IF

Who is Mukuro Ikusaba?

Now this is the part where I finally exit the synopsis phase and finally get into the character analysis, explaining why Mukuro acts the way she does in all entries.

Now, I want to begin with a common critique of Mukuro's character, specifically one that's attributed to Danganronpa 3. The one that says that Mukuro's behavior is not only out of character, but also claims that she has romantic feelings for her sister.

First point out of the way, Mukuro's blushy and flustered attitude is nothing new when it comes to her character. It's been an aspect of her since the very beginning of her characterization.

"'I don’t know if… she attracts despair, or despair attracts her, but… she’s lived her whole life with despair by her side. She lived while immersed in despair. That’s why she began looking for despair in others; she began to enjoy pushing people into despair. But you know… that’s normal. It’s no different than someone cursed by misfortune falling into hatred for those who are better off than them. But what’s special about her was that… she learned to enjoy inflicting despair upon herself. That’s how the link to despair began: as she chased down despair, she pushed it onto others along the way. Doing so caused her to crave falling into despair even more… and because of that chain to despair, the Ultimate Despair was born.' While she spoke, it was like she fell into a fever; the expressions on her face slowly turned into ecstasy. It was so completely absurd that it would have been difficult for anybody to think of it as anything but a joke, but I could tell that this was real. It might have been the hazy memories of Junko Enoshima inside me that led to that conclusion. 'You don’t get it right? That’s fair, I don’t think anybody could… But you know, only I can understand it…' Consumed by ecstasy, even Ikusaba’s breathing had begun to turn ragged." -Mukuro describing Junko in Danganronpa Zero

The second (and more important) point to address is the one that Mukuro holds some kind of romantic feelings for her sister. Now, in all honestly, I can't hold this against anyone for thinking this even if I think it's a wild misinterpretation of her behavior. Danganronpa has a track record of using incest for comedic effect (to always poor results). However, Mukuro's relationship with Junko is not used to comedic effect and it's portrayed in a negative light. Not only that, we know that Mukuro does not enjoy behaving that way.

"'She hoped that, perhaps her sister on the screen would say something like 'Not! You seriously thought I'd say something that sappy? Jeez, you're annoying! Can't you just disappear forever or something?'. She hoped that Junko might criticizeher and call her useless. Ikusaba was no masochist, but she would have preferred to hear scornful laughter and be shot at rather than continue to endure this pain." -Danganronpa IF explaining Mukuro's "masochism"

Mukuro doesn't behave the way she does because she has feelings for Junko, she does so because she believes that's how Junko wants her to behave. Danganronpa Zero and IF makes it clear that Mukuro was wrong about how Junko wanted her to behave.

“'You don’t get it right? That’s fair, I don’t think anybody could… But you know, only I can understand it…' Consumed by ecstasy, even Ikusaba’s breathing had begun to turn ragged. 'Only I’m able to understand her… That’s why she needs me. She still hasn’t realized it, but… maybe she’s only pretending not to. Ufu… It’s because she’s so shy. Ufufufu…'” -Mukuro explaining that Junko needs her in Danganronpa Zero

"Ikusaba knew that not even she herself was her own ally. After all, despite the fact that Junko had betrayed her and very nearly killed her, Ikusaba still believed that she was the only one who could understand her little sister. And that was why she felt that she had to protect her. That's right… you were just being you, Junko. You just wanted despair, right? It's because you love me. You wanted to kill me and fall into despair. That must have been it" -Mukuro in denial in Danganronpa IF

"Ikusaba believed that she alone could understand the despair known as Junko Enoshima. It was a ludicrous notion. The moment Junko said, 'I love you', Ikusaba realized--to her agony--that she never truly understood her sister. Only now had she come to realize Junko's feelings." -Mukuro realizing that she didn't understand Junko in Danganronpa IF

Because of Mukuro's incorrect interpretation of understanding Junko, Mukuro believes that Junko expects her to respond to her abuse with acceptance and masochism. Even if she was uncomfortable to, as long as it made Junko happy, that's what mattered. Of course, we learn that Junko wanted Mukuro to respond her abuse with retaliation, and as soon as Mukuro realizes that her behavior immediately shifts. Mukuro holds a great deal of admiration for Junko, so much so that she only wants to do what would please Junko the most.

She does not have romantic feelings for her sister and to say so misses the point entirely. She isn't behaving that way because she's a masochist, she behaves that way because she believes it's how she's expected to, even if she's visibly uncomfortable. Once she learns this isn't what's expected, she immediately changes course.

Danganronpa 3 also has official relationship charts that depict the relationship between characters. In this chart, crushes or explicitly shown romantic feelings are labeled with a heart (as seen with Kazuichi's attraction to Sonia or Toko's attraction to Byakuya). Mukuro's relationship does NOT feature this heart. You would think that if Mukuro's very obvious admiration towards Junko was romantic it would have a heart, but it doesn't because it isn't. If what I said before didn't convince you, I think this itself is proof enough.

Mukuro's admiration doesn't extend to just Junko though. Due to her unfortunate upbringing, Mukuro has a tendency to get attached to anyone who shows her the affection she's desperate for. So much so that her behavior changes completely around the people she cares about.

"The mass of monochrome spun round and round, making it look as though they were projecting a hypnotic image from three directions, but Ikusaba remained expressionless. In fact, the bizarre sight unfolding before her compelled the Super High School Level Soldier to regain her focus. She was an entirely different person from the girl who had panicked at Naegi's injury in the gymnasium." -Mukuro while fighting in Danganronpa IF, behaving completely differently from when she panicked over Makoto's injury

"Not only that, if anyone who knew her as the Super High School Level Soldier and mercenary were to see her now, the difference in her attitude might even make her look like another person altogether. And Monobear continued to drive the girl into a corner." -Mukuro panicking over Makoto's injury in Danganronpa IF

"The mask of ice she wore around others was entirely unlike the face she showed her sister, making it almost seem as though she had multiple personalities." -Danganronpa IF explaining that Mukuro's behavior around Junko is different from her typical icey expression

This is why around most people, Mukuro has a pretty blank expression. However when she's around Makoto or Junko, the two people who she cares about, she displays a much more soft and emotional side.

That being said, an often overlooked aspect of Mukuro is that she actually has a slight ego and is proud of her skill. This is especially obvious in her fight with Peko in Danganronpa 3. Of course, if I spent years in the military without getting a single scratch, I'd probably have an ego too.

Mukuro is also capable of turning off her feelings and going into a "killing machine mode" whenever the situation demands it, mostly when she's carrying out some mission. It's not because she doesn't feel bad for what she's doing or isn't having any second thoughts, it's that she pushes any doubts to the side to focus on getting the job done.

"In battlefields, where she made her home, her main mission was to kill and survive. And in that setting Ikusaba was invincible. She could put her own emotions on a leash in order to become a killing machine." -Danganronpa IF explaining how Mukuro is capable of ignoring her own feelings

"With a single whisper that was drowned out by the sound of gunfire, Ikusaba went completely silent. Thanks to her status as a member of Super High School Level Despair, her heart was filling with joy. And as if to offset the sudden surge of emotions, the sparkle in her eyes disappeared." -Mukuro turning her emotions off while fighting in Danganronpa IF

So Basically...

Due to her upbringing Mukuro is someone who gets attached to people easily, particularly those who give her attention. Junko took advantage of this to make Mukuro essentially act as her servant. Believing that Junko expected her to return the abuse she faced with enjoyment, she forced herself to do just that. Even if it made her uncomfortable, making her sister happy at her own expense is better than being alone. She's capable of turning off and ignoring her emotions to following orders when necessary and is generally a proud and skilled soldier, though she has a softer side that she only shows to people who she cares for.

That is who Mukuro Ikusaba is.

Conclusion

There's a lot of reasons I really like Mukuro. I think she's silly and cute and I like her singing voice. But I also think her characterization is really good in all of her appearances. I think a lot of the critiques made towards her (especially towards her appearance in Danganronpa 3) are misguided or just a result of her being misunderstood.

She's not a plot device or a character exclusively there to act as an extension of Junko. She's filled to the brim with character depth and interesting writing and has plenty of characterization on her own. I'll admit that her presence in Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc is a bit limited, however she doesn't just become an important character in four other entries without getting some kind of development.

Many think her characterization is inconsistent or different across entries, but I honestly think it couldn't be any MORE consistent. The only times where I'd say she acts out of character is in the comic anthologies, but those are non-canon media that's kinda known for flanderizing characters for the sake of comedy.

Basically, I like Mukuro. I hope I managed to change some minds or shed a new light on her to anyone who didn't before. And if you already liked her, I hope maybe I could make you appreciate her a bit more or just help you explain her in some way.

anyways follow me on twitter cough cough

Also special thanks to Twitter user @LKSixtyfour for their tweets about Mukuro's characterization, many helped me organize my thoughts to form the thread that you just read.

Edit: didn't make any changes to the post, just fixed some typos

[starlightsuffered]

Be Professional (The End)

Warning - Smut, oral (male and female receiving), unprotected sex, breaking machinery, no more cocky timo

I had been avoiding Timothée like the plague since his little confession. I was trying desperately to work out my feelings. I missed the sex, a lot, however, I also found, I missed him.

I missed his stupid guffaw of a laugh. I missed the way he actually said interesting things in interviews. I missed his jokes, even if most of them annoyed me. Why did I feel like this? I was supposed to hate him. He was a rival, a rival that was good at fucking, but I wasn't supposed to fall. Arg the stupid idiot had confused me so much ! didn't know what made sense anymore.

My friend was unhelpful as shit. She suggested giving him an apology blow job and just start dating him. I couldn't do that.

Timothée had been different since that night. He was no longer jovial and cheeky, he was solemn and serious.

He used to be so social, almost over the top social. He now preferred to eat in his trailer instead of with us. He was gone the moment he was allowed to be. He didn't talk unless directly spoken to, and he only smiled if he knew it would be a bad look to frown. He was......Professional.

How had I had such an affect on him? After all, I was some nobody. He'd literally asked why I was on this project at all.

It was one of the last days of our press tour, and we were walking in silence back to the hotel. These were the times I hated the most. The director always sent us back to the hotel together, hoping to ramp up excitement for the movie by our picture being taken together. It was always an awkward and silent journey. He never even looked my way.

We got into the elevator, and he pressed the number for our floor. The elevator ran smoothly for a second then it shuddered. I grabbed out to Timothée without thinking as lights flickered. We came to a slamming halt. The doors opened an inch, but there was solid wall peeking between them. A red emergency light was all that lit the area, washing us in scarlet. The elevator was stuck.

"What the hell," I said worriedly as I pressed the button for our floor over and over.

"I don't think that's going to work," Timothée said.

"Would you shut up," I ground out. I looked at my phone, of course, no signal.

"We'll probably have to wait it out. I pressed the emergency button," he said calmly. I gave him a look of wonderment.

"Why aren't you freaking out?" I demanded, and he shrugged.

"Urrrg you are so irritating," | snapped.

"

"Maybe I am, but this time you can't fuck me about it, so maybe we should talk like adults," Timothée retorted.

"Adults?" I demanded. "Now you want to be adults? You were the one always acting like a goof ball on set, you were the one always touching me and winding me up, and you're the one who initiated the whole sex thing in the first place. So don't tell me I need to act like an adult!"

"Did you ever consider why I did those things?" He asked, running a hand through his curls in frustration.

"Because you're an asshole celebrity who can get away with anything?"

"Because I fucking liked you," he said as though it were obvious.

"You what?" I asked softly.

"I was yours from the second you walked up to me and yelled at me," he confessed, and my back thudded against the wall as I took in the information. "I wasn't even asking the director what you thought | was. I was asking if you had any history in the industry because I know your first movie can be scary. I was trying to see how I could help you."

"You were?" | asked.

"Yes, but then you thought was a jerk and you weren't backing down. The only way I could get your attention was to rile you up."

"Timothée, stop," | said, feeling too much pressure building in me.

卩

"No, I won't, I want to be with you y/n, I want to spoil you, and fuck you, nicely, and kiss you, and not worry about who sees hickeys on our necks because they know we're crazy about each other. Why are you so afraid of this?"

"Because you're you," I whispered, eyes squeezed shut.

"What does that mean?" He asked.

"You are the Timothée Chalamet. You were in Dune, Willy Wonka, Little Women, Call Me By Your Name, fucking game changing movies!"

"So you do know some of my movies," he chuckled. I opened my eyes and looked at him. His eyes were large and pleading, his curls awry from his fidgety hands. He was so beautiful it nearly hurt.

"I don't want people to say I fucked my way to the top. I've worked too hard for this. That's why you always annoyed me so much. One wrong move and I could lose my dream forever. You could do anything you wanted and they wouldn't care. Even if you had been telling the director that he made a bad casting decision, it wouldn't matter, you'd still be there the next day."

I couldn't look at his fallen expression anymore so I sunk to the floor and talked to it instead.

"You piss me off because I wasn't supposed to like you this much. I was also being unprofessional because I knew I wanted you. I've never had feelings this strong, good or bad, in my entire life, and they're all attached to you. It scares the shit out of me."

He was sliding down to the floor too. He took my hands in his and my lip trembled. He was holding me so gently.

He had never held me gently like this before.

"I have crazy strong feelings for you too, and I really don't want to ignore them. However, I one hundred percent get where you're coming from. It'll be hard, but I'll back off if you say this isn't a sacrifice you can make for me."

I looked up into his eyes. They were mixed with equal parts hope and dread. I wanted to give him hope, but could I?

Just then the doors shut. The lights flickered back on and we were moving. He helped me up as we finally got to our floor. We were greeted by a team of workers who were all apologies. I could barely take it all in, it was sensory overload after what had just happened. Timothée turned on the charm and led us through the crowd.

Finally, we were at our doors. Timothée turned to me, I still hadn't given him an answer. Would I be okay leaving things here? I pictured my life after this moment. I'd cry myself to sleep, wake up the next day and try not to look at or think about Timothée. Then we'd go out separate ways. I wouldn't see him again. I wouldn't hold him again, wouldn't hear one of his cheesy jokes again, wouldn't kiss him again, would never have him inside me again. Could I do it?

"Do you have your room key?" he said.

"Yes," | replied, turning towards him.

"Well are you going to go into your room?" He asked.

"No."

"Why?" He breathed.

"I'll tell you why Chalamet," | said with a wild grin. I saw his eyes sparkle with hope.

"Why?" He asked again.

"Because you," I said, walking to him and placing my hands on his chest. "Are the best l've ever had, and also, totally worth it."

His smile nearly split his face in two as he grabbed my face to kiss me. I was beaming into the kiss. He broke it off with a joyous laugh, and picked me up and spun me around. I was laughing now too, heart full and content.

He struggled with the door because he wouldn't stop kissing me for even a moment. When we got in the room he carried me to the bed. His lips must have connected with every part of my bare skin. I was sighing with happiness as I felt my boys lips. MY boy.

"Come here you," I said pulling his face to mine for a long kiss.

"I'm obsessed with you," he said earnestly.

"Same here," | beamed back.

"First things first," he said and his lips went to my neck. He sucked the skin into his mouth. His hands went under my shirt to brush as my nipples as he suckled. I moaned.

"There we go," he said smiling at his work.

"Does it look good?" I asked, pretending to pose with my neck exposed.

"Almost as beautiful as you" he said, and my stomach flipped at the words. I bit my lip, and he leaned down to kiss me. The kiss was slow and passionate. I did take his lip between my teeth, but it was a gentle nibble, opposed to the harsh teeth I'd used to use on him.

He sat up and took off his shirt. I let my hands lovingly caress his abdomen. His eyes fluttered shut.

"Do you know how long l've wanted you to touch me like this," he asked in a near whisper.

"Too long," | answered, and he nodded. He began to unbutton my shirt. He was moving carefully, as if scared I'd run away from him. I wasn't going anywhere. He got my shirt off and kissed my stomach.

"You have got to be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," he said. He unlatched my bra and threw it to the ground. He took a second to look at me before he was flattening his tongue against my nipples.

"Oh, Timothée," I sighed.

"That's it," he said. "That's how I wanted to hear you say my name this whole time."

"My Timothée," | breathed, as he began to work on my nipples again.

I felt him undo the button of my pants. I helped him get them off me. He kissed his way down my body, and took my underwear in his mouth. He dragged them down as I watched him avidly.

"I'm going to worship your pussy," he promised as he dove in. He lapped between my folds. I grabbed his curls, and he moaned into me. I didn't pull as hard as I normally did, just enough to please him.

"Fuck, right there, so good," | moaned as his tongue circled my clit before landing on it. His licks were long and loving, and the way he gripped my thighs with a gentle strength made me weak. Sure I liked being marked up, but l liked this better.

"I'm so close," | admitted. He switched up the direction of his tongue and I curled my toes. I panted as he continued. Finally, I was calling his name as I came undone.

Timothée's head emerged, face shiny with my juices, and a smile on his face.

"I always wanted to ask if you really feel as good as you sound?" He said.

"Yes, absolutely, you are a God with that tongue of yours," I said.

"Well, it's only for you," he winked.

"Better be," I said. "Now please take off your pants."

"Eager are we?" He chuckled.

"Yes, I'm addicted to your cock," I said, it was my turn to wink as I brought up his old words.

"That whole cocky thing was an act. My heart was going a mile a minute hoping you wouldn't think I was repulsive. It seemed like it was the only way you'd interact with me, so I put it on."

"That is adorable," | said truthfully. "But I wasn't lying, I am addicted."

"Fuck," Timothée said with a shudder.

He quickly took off his pants, his cock springing from his boxers. I knew he hadn't intended for me to help him, but I moved fast. My mouth was around his length in seconds.

"Ugh, baby," he groaned, and the pet name spurred me on. I bobbed my head, taking all of him I could into my throat.

"Fuck, so good, so good," he panted.

"Stop," he said, pulling me off. "I need to cum inside you, please."

"Absolutely," | agreed, and pulled him down on me. He kissed me long and hard before lining himself up with

me.

"You ready?" He asked, I bit my lip and nodded. He pushed into me.

"Merde," Timothée cursed, head dipping into my neck as pleasure over took him.

"You feel so good," I told him. He began to thrust. It wasn't fast, but it was deep and powerful, each movement hitting me in my sweet spot.

"Ah, ah," I moaned. "Fuck, Timothée, you're so good, you're so pretty, you fuck me so well."

I was whining, making the sounds l'd always wanted to make for him before. He seemed to be loving my vocalness. He was kissing me heatedly, as he swallowed my whimpers.

He reached down to knead my breasts as he fucked me. He was hitting me so deep it seemed impossible.

"I'm so close," He told me.

"Me too," I whined.

"Look at me when you come please," he begged. I could only nod, completely lost to pleasure as he his hips snapped forward. I locked my legs around his waist, wanting him deeper. I wanted to be one with him.

"Oh, Timothée, I'm gonna come," I moaned and I looked into his eyes as the best orgasm l'd ever experienced washed over me. Wave after wave of bliss was hitting me, so that I was nearly convulsing as I called his name. He came soon after me, cumming ropes of cum inside me, keeping his eyes on mine.

"I think I'm falling in love with you," he confessed as he pressed his forehead against mine.

"You're not the only one Chalamet," I teased.

After hours of talking, I fell asleep in Timothée's arms. I was awoken by the ring of my phone. It was our director.

Timmy's eyes opened groggily as I answered. He smiled sweetly at me.

"Hello?" | croaked.

"You guys did it haha, the story about you two getting stuck in an elevator is everywhere!" He cheered.

"Yes, well, we make quite the team," I said smiling at Timothée. Then I hung up so I could kiss my boyfriend.

[grandline-fics]

I can’t get the idea of Killer having a crush on a Straw Hat out of my head. What do you think would actually make him act on it? Or I guess how would he? (Pretending he actually would) 💖🖤 thank you in advance

DESCRIPTION: You’re a member of the Strawhats and he has a crush on you

WARNINGS: some minor story spoilers but other than that, none

CHARACTERS: Killer

WORDS: 695

A/N: Thank you for the request. This was my first time writing for Killer and I don't know where I was going with this but hopefully you like what I came up with for this

*REQUESTS ARE OPEN*

MASTERLIST

———————

When the Kid pirates first started making a name for themselves, they became interested in the other rookie rivals that they would be sharing the spotlight with. Naturally the likes of Law, Luffy and Zoro stood out the most to Killer as the ones to keep an eye on. Then the stories of Strawhat Luffy and his ever growing crew of unique and interesting members kept circulating and then when you joined the crew, Killer took note of your introduction bounty. While you weren’t quite considered among the Supernova’s it was still enough to pique his interest. 

It made him want to know more. It wasn’t exactly hard for his wish to come true; given who your crew was there was a story about you all and your adventures in the papers practically every week. Kid found his vice-captain’s interest in you amusing and even would go so far as to tease Killer about his crush, which was always furiously denied. It was just being thorough about the strength of possible rivals that they could run into in the future. Then the opportunity to see you and your crew in the flesh presented itself when they landed on Sabaody and all hell broke loose in the auction-house. 

You hadn’t really known much about Kid, Killer or the crew until that incident. In the middle of an attack, you flipped in the air and sailed down towards the masked pirate. To avoid hurting him, you hooked your leg around his waist and turned, knocking him to the floor with you landing on top on him. The impact was enough to lift his mask slightly and reveal his face to you and you grinned down at him. “Sorry about that, handsome.” You apologised while pulling his mask down into place. 

While you didn’t get why he’d hide his features, you guessed he had a reason for it. Suddenly you heard a Marine rushing towards you for a followup attack and threw your weapon up to block it. Quickly you dealt with them and got to your feet to let Killer finally stand. From behind you, Nami called your name which meant it was time to go. As you ran you looked over your shoulder to throw a lazy wave to Killer. “Let’s do this again sometime!” 

As appealing as that offer sounded to Killer, who was finally beginning to admit to himself after that meeting that he just maybe did have a crush on you the chance didn’t get to come up again until two years later when your paths crossed in Wano. Under the glow of the lanterns and in the middle of the lively atmosphere of a land finally celebrating their freedom you stood and watched in amusement as the captain of the Kid Pirates was in the middle of a shouting match with your captain and Law of the Heart Pirates. When you saw Killer about to approach the group in the hopes of calming his captain you subtly took his attention by stepping beside him. “You’re better leaving them to it. Those three are like little kids, they’ll tire themselves out eventually. Enjoy the night off for once.” When Killer turned to face him you smiled and handed him a drink. “Here, to make up for our less than conventional introduction in Sabaody.”

“You remember that?” Killer asked, slightly stunned. It had been two years and it had been so brief, he doubted the encounter had left such an impression for you. He could only watch behind his mask as your grin widened, your eyes sparkling at the memory, effectively proving him wrong. 

“Course I remember, definitely wouldn’t forget a face like yours in a hurry.” Killer tensed slightly when you winked and took a sip of your own drink. Killer considered your earlier statement and glanced to see the three Captains had finally calmed their squabbling at least for the time being. He supposed enjoying himself with your company wouldn’t be such a bad thing. After all, it had been two years in the waiting and who knew how long it would be before your paths crossed again after tonight.

[bicheetopuff]

I don’t think y’all understand how crazy this is. Well, I know you do but I like yapping and I need to type things out to completely understand for myself what’s going on.

Katsuki pushed Izuku away their entire childhood after Izuku was diagnosed quirkless. Before that, it felt like he wanted Izuku to push himself in more things. In his own weird little way, he believed in him. Katsuki was good at everything and he was self aware about that so the reason he always singled out Deku to try out the things he was trying and comparing their furture quirks was because he always wanted Izuku as his rival. He saw something in Izuku that he couldn’t find in himself which at that age deemed him “worthy” of competing with him.

When Izuku was confirmed to not have a quirk and everyone was telling Katsuki that his quirk was amazing, he felt like Izuku wasn’t worthy of competing against him anymore and was offended that Izuku didn’t understand that. He legitimately thought that Izuku was trying to stoop Katsuki “down to his level” because he didn’t understand that Izuku just wanted to be around him and be friends with him. He wasn’t trying to sign up for his life long rivalship that Katsuki had made up in his head that his four year old self established he had already won.

Even then, Katsuki still believed in Izuku. In the TUMs where Katsuki is trying to chase down Nine but Izuku finds him first. He’s not surprised. He’s angry that he didn’t have the same skill that Izuku did in that department. Or when Izuku was talking about applying to UA, Katsuki didn’t laugh it off. He wanted Izuku to not apply at all because he knew there was a chance he could actually get in. Or when Izuku actually did get in, Katsuki wasn’t surprised, he was just wondering how. He has never not had faith in Izuku.

And now, after he established that Izuku never meant ill will towards him and realized that he was just being a jerk towards him for no reason, he started to view him as a proper rival again. Izuku is the only person in his life that has been able to push him to become his best self. He grew so much as a person. But, Izuku’s influence and just his care for him in general landed him wounded on several occasions now. He almost died. Yet he’s unable to think of himself first anymore like he used to.

He went to Izuku’s hospital room and cried like a baby because of Izuku losing his quirk. Because he lost that rival that wanted and needed for so long. He lost his second chance to compete with him after losing so much time. He feels like the person he cares about most just lost his dream because he wasn’t there to help. He blames himself for Izuku’s misfortune yet couldn’t care less about his own.

And from Izuku’s POV, he just experienced a heavy loss for not being able to save Shigaraki (yet/in the way he wanted to). He lost his quirk which made his dream come true even if it was only for a short time. He’s quirkless again yet the first person who came to check on him was the very person that used to give him hell for not having a quirk. The guy he chased after his whole childhood because he wanted to be like him and be his friend. And that guy that always used to push him away pours his heart out and tells him, “I wanted to play this game of cat and mouse with you for the rest of our lives,” and he can’t be anything other than shocked and reassuring at the admission.

This scene single handedly began the healing process for both of their inner child’s. Katsuki feels comfortable to show his emotions and admit to wanting a rival and Izuku finally gets to see just how badly Katsuki wants him around.

But, Izuku still hasn’t even truly acknowledged Katsuki’s apology. And even in this chapter, all he said were things to make Katsuki feel better. He hasn’t explained how he feels about anything yet.

I want Katsuki to tell Izuku that even if he’s quirkless, he still wants to be by his side. And I want Izuku to tell Katsuki that he forgives him for everything he’s done. I NEED THEM TO TALK!

HORI PLEASE LET DEKU TALK ABOUT HIS EMOTIONS NOT EVEN JUST ABOUT KATSUKI BUT ABOUT EVERYTHING. I NEED TO KNOW WHATS GOING ON IN IZUKUS HEAD. LET THEM HAVE A REAL CONVERSATION THAT ISNT UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF BEING CRITICALLY INJURED. I BEG!!!