#like he seems really dumb but really he's just too autistic to communicate properly and will sometimes point at a horse and go “horse”

[thefaeriecreek]

Link would be the type of chess player that has a hard time concentrating on the strategy of the whole board and can only concentrate on a piece at a time. He loses most games, but his strategy is nonexistent, making him extremely unpredictable. Revali is a master strategist, (which we can see in his dialogue in Age of Calamity), so Link's blockheaded, rock-eating playing style is infuriating.

[ecto-american]

Hey I wanted to fuck around and ramble about how I specifically headcanon and like to portray Jack and Maddie career-wise for my fanfics/personal take on the DP canon.

So to start; I headcanon Maddie as having a masters in electrical engineering and Jack as having a PhD in Thanatology (the scientific study of death and the practices associated with it), though he has a bachelor's degree in mortuary science while also having a funeral director’s license.

Why these? Because I absolutely see Maddie as the builder and thinker, the one who can build things, and Jack as the theorist who knows everything there is to know about ghosts. I picked Thanatology because it was as close as I could find to studying ghosts in an actual applied scientific sense, but I liked the mortuary science because it felt like a good accompaniment. I originally had mortuary sciences as his PhD (if you’ve heard me talk about this before), but I found out that I was actually a big dumb because in the US, you cannot get a PhD in mortuary sciences ihsofsa so I did research for an alternative.

So how do their jobs work? Well, I think it's approached in a very academic-y sense. While I kind of play with it loosely based on the specific fanfiction, I generally say that their job is a sorta combination of any number of the following:

Research grants to study ghosts, from both the government and just private companies

Writing books/textbooks revolved around ghosts (like ectobiology, ghost hunting, etc)

Contract ghost hunting work (like being paid to get rid of ghosts from private residents/buildings)

Income from ghost invention patents (think their Fenton weapons and things like the Fenton thermos)

They do non-ghost research and inventing as well (since they seem to custom build their own computers and other various technologies, and even just things like the Specter Speeder can be marketed to a non-ghost hunting audience like the military, and Jazz implied in GNO that Maddie has a lot of inventions outside of Jack that she works on)

Paid to teach/give lectures or make appearances at seminars, conventions or speak at certain events

Since Jack in this is licensed funeral director, he also occasionally works with a funeral home, and sometimes I even headcanon that Jack and Maddie used to own a funeral home before they got the grant/funding to build their ghost portal (which I touch on a little later!)

Jack teaches part time at a local community college/university, teaching normally one or two classes here but sometimes more, and sometimes even as Casper High teaching ghost 101 safety

Maddie is also a licensed electrician that does occasional work related to that

And this is kind of where you may be asking: wait, aren't they kind of a joke? Why are you giving them all this credit?

Well, honestly, I really like to think of the Fentons as being actually fairly well respected academically and by fellow ghost hunters. There's a lot of scientists that you'll basically learn are real Weirdos, but that doesn't distract from the fact that they are incredibly smart people who made amazing breakthroughs.

To me, I headcanon Jack as being autistic, and that ghosts and the paranormal is a special interest in which he's actually an incredibly well respected scientist, who has the most accurate (as far as the paranormal studies scientific community knows) information and knowledge about ghosts. He's been writing and studying it for twenty years, and arguably, essentially proved that ghosts exists because of his ghost portal and living in Amity Park, where ghost activity boomed. While there's canon evidence dedicated to him being made fun of in Million Dollar Ghost, I personally like to think of this as more of other ghost hunters just kind of seeing how Awkward and ridiculous he can be socially. We also hear about Danny and Jazz dunking on them, but I think this comes more from two teenagers being embarrassed about their oddball parents.

I definitely picture the Fentons as still being the town weirdos because well. You see their oddballness every day. But most ectobiologists would only see Jack when he's presenting and read his work, where I imagine he's presented as a bit less goofy and more serious. Because it's a chance for him to essentially ramble on about his special interest and area of expertise without interruption to an incredibly eager audience that's going to be asking questions and wanting his opinions. To me, Jack definitely seems like the person who you don't really think about how odd he kinda is (purely because of masking and it just not really coming up) until you're really with him 1v1 outside of these of these conventions/lectures/classroom environments.

I don’t totally see Maddie teaching, because while I’m definitely picturing her here as being a very smart mind that would likely also be a good teacher; the specific reasoning why I say Jack would be the ones that does the teaching part time is because it’s literally perfect for him. It's an excuse for him to trap 25+ people in a room on a regular basis to listen to him about ghosts. He'd absolutely just one of those easy A teachers, where if you just show up and listen to him babble about ghosts for 1-3 hours and turn in the homework (he gives no tests, midterm/finals or quizzes), you get your easy A. It’s the similar concept with the seminars and guest lecture things; Jack is just much more enthusiastic and would want that solo speaking time, and Maddie knows how much it means to him, so I feel like she would let him have this.

Maddie herself, I feel liker her heart rests more in just the general inventing and building side of it. While she has an interest in ghosts, this also seems to mostly enjoy the physical side of inventing. I say this mostly because, again, in GNO, Maddie has a whole bunch of inventions that she’s working on outside of things she builds/helps Jack build. To me, this straight up personal invention projects, even though they’re still ghost based, tells me that her heart and passion seems to lie within engineering and not necessarily too much in the way of ghost theory.

The way his and Maddie's relationship works to me is that Jack knows more of the ghost related information and he relays this to Maddie for her to build what they need. For example, he'll tell her “this is what the Ghost Zone is like, these are the dangers, this is what we need to survive, etc” and Maddie will have the knowledge to design the Specter Speeder, and they build it together with Maddie being the primary leader and troubleshooter.

However, Maddie has the education and license to do the electrical work and knows how to properly build and submit the patents. Meanwhile, Jack will eventually do all the research and write and publish the book detailing what they learned about the Ghost Zone. Repeat the process with ghost weapons and other such inventions.

I like to think that Jack and Maddie were essentially going through the process of getting the huge government grant they'd need to build the actual ghost portal, which took a lot of prior research, convincing, pleas for money and getting the city permission and code permits to get the money and permission building it, hence the like 20 year gap between the prototype portal and the final portal. Especially since they obviously started a family during that time too.

[momentsofbllove]

My Engineer Review

Okay, so it’s been about 2 weeks since I finished My Engineer and I really wanted to do a review for one reason and one reason only, and that is RamKing. Buuuuuut we’re going to save the best for last, I have some other thoughts first.

Overall I liked this series and I am really glad it’s getting a sequel, but it definitely has... problems. Like:

The creepy fujoshi sister that bribes her 6 year old kids so they’ll take pictures of her little brother kissing another guy

The dark-skinned, overweight, hyper-feminine creep that forces an 18 year old into his tent while they’re camping despite the fact that the boy is protesting and trying to get away (stop putting this character in BL’s, it is so problematic oh my god!)

The three teenage girls that stalk one of the couples and literally chase after them so they can watch them together (little fujoshi girls in training, gross)

The girl who told the boy she liked that she lost weight just because he said he liked ‘fit girls’ so would he please date her now? (And then he did.)

The 2 episodes where they tried to make us think one character had raped another character while he was passed out drunk (he didn’t, but why would they even want us to think that in the first place?!)

The very large amount of time they spent on top/bottom discourse about a couple that hadn’t even properly kissed yet

But... all that aside, I still liked the series overall, so let’s move on to the couples and I’ll explain why. (I'm putting the rest under a cut because this got LONG!)

BohnDuen

(If you love this couple then just... skip this part. This is not a nice review for them.)

I do not like this couple. I wanted to. I tried to. But I can’t, and it’s all because of Bohn. He’s a jerk, and he never stops being a jerk. I cannot stand couples where one of them f*cks up constantly and the other one is just supposed to forgive them every time. 

That’s the whole relationship of BohnDuen. Bohn f*cks up and then apologizes, Duen forgives him, and Bohn NEVER CHANGES. He does mean things to Duen just to upset him, and then gets confused about why he’s upset! Even up into the very last episodes he does things to be mean just to upset Duen. He never changes or gets better throughout the entire series!

And don’t even get me started on Bohn’s jealousy. He gets pissed off at Duen every time he talks to LITERALLY ANYONE. One time he got mad at Duen for talking to his own cousin. Another time he was so busy throwing a hissy fit over some girl asking Duen to take her picture that Duen’s little sister ALMOST DROWNED because no one was watching her. And he still. didn’t. stop!

It was frustrating and annoying and I spent the entire time they were onscreen wanting to shake Duen and tell him he deserved better.

The only time I liked watching this couple was when they were interacting with Duen’s little sister and Bohn’s little cousin and pretending to be a family. It was sweet and cute and the best part of their relationship. (Except for that time that Duen’s little sister almost died. But whatever.)

It sucks that they’re the main couple, because if I ever want to rewatch the series (which I do, because RamKing, but we’ll get there) I’ll have to skip the majority of the show because I won’t watch this disaster of a relationship again. I’m hoping they either get a huge change in their relationship in season 2 or at least that they get way less screen time, since they took up the majority of season 1 and there are much better couples to focus on.

Couples like...

MekBoss

Despite the fact that Boss spent the majority of the show chasing after girls, and was in a relationship with a girl for many episodes, I really like this couple and here’s why.

This was not your typical love triangle, although at first glance it would seem to be. If it was I wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with it. I’m so over love triangles, they’re overused and boring. But this ‘love triangle’ was different and refreshing all because of Mek.

Mek has been in love with Boss for a long time. They playfully refer to each other as husband and wife and are very affectionate with each other and it’s so cute. Mek has been okay loving Boss from afar and watching him be girl crazy because he’s never gotten serious about any girl (or, really, they’ve never gotten serious about him).

But then one day Boss starts dating a girl who really likes him back and he’s head over heels for her.

And Mek is so supportive! He does whatever he can to help Boss with this new relationship even though it hurts him to do it, because he knows that it’s more important for his friend to be happy than for him to project his feelings onto someone who doesn’t love him back.

It’s so so nice to see a ‘love triangle’ where no one is angry or jealous or tries to sabotage anyone!

In the end Boss breaks up with his girlfriend 1) because she wants to be an Idol and he doesn’t want to get in her way and 2) because he realizes that Mek has feelings for him and it’s revealed that Boss has always liked Mek too. They were both convinced that the other didn’t like them that way and so neither of them said anything.

Boss’ confession at the end was super sweet and I’m really hoping that in season 2 they just recast Mek (there were apparently some problems with the actor who played Mek and he was removed from the project) instead of breaking them up and giving Boss a new love interest. I want to see where their relationship goes! (Plus it would be nice to not have the dubbed voice for Mek, that was really awkward and hard to watch.)

Moving on!

TharaFrong

When these two first showed up as a thing my first reaction was, why? We already had a main couple that took up 60 percent of the screen time, a side couple that deserved so much more screen time (we’ll get to them) and a love triangle all going on already, why did we need a fourth couple?

But by the time the series ended I really liked these two and wanted to see so much more from them!

In the beginning of the series Frong actually liked Duen, and was so sweet to him and never made him upset or feel bad (but Duen still chose Bohn because he’s apparently very dumb). But Duen’s bad decisions meant that Frong could meet Thara instead, so I’m okay with that.

Thara is sweet and kind and WEIRD as all get out, and I adore him. He feels a connection with Frong due to their shared experiences of having a sick parent, and really tries to care for him as a friend, not just a student doctor who is involved with his mother’s case.

Frong comes off as kind of a jackass to Thara at first but it’s because he’s very worried about his mother and Thara is understanding of that. He continues trying to engage with Frong and eventually Frong comes around and realizes that Thara is a sweet, weird guy that he might actually like.

Buuut Thara is a kind of oblivious, calling Frong his ‘brother’ in the last episode and leaving Frong questioning his life choices and also the kinds of men he likes. (He is apparently morosexual and he needs to come to terms with that.) But the series left their relationship, whatever that happens to be right now, open for the future and I’m very much looking forward to seeing more of them in season 2.

Now, finally, the real reason I’m here.

RamKing

Y’all. Y’ALL!

These two.

These two have the sweetest, softest, most pure relationship that I have seen in any show, BL or not, pretty much ever.

They are so SO good to each other. They are so SO soft with each other.

It makes me want to cry!

King seems at first to just be a typical engineering student side character. At first you really think nothing of him, he’s just another member of Bohn’s group of friends.

Then he sees Ram and everything changes.

King is apparently, according to his friends, the kind of guy who is interested in anything weird, and Ram is... weird.

King tries to get Ram to talk to him and he just... won’t. No matter what King does Ram stays silent and this intrigues King. He wants to get this boy to talk to him.

BUT! And here’s what makes their relationship so good (which really makes me think the bar is set so low), King doesn’t try to force him to talk. He realizes quickly that Ram DOES talk, but only to people he’s comfortable with so he becomes determined to be one of those people.

He pursues Ram, seeking him out and helping him whenever he gets the chance, but he never tries to force Ram into talking to him. He lets Ram take their friendship at his own pace, even going so far as to giving Ram different ways to communicate, like nodding yes or no to questions, or texting instead of talking.

He is gentle and soft and builds their relationship in a way that makes Ram feel absolutely comfortable with him. He knows when to be careful and when to push Ram gently out of his comfort zone. It’s so beautiful to watch!

After several weeks of friendship Ram confesses that King is one of the few people who understands him and I literally almost cried.

But King is not the only one invested in this relationship!

Ram has a very hard time interacting with people and navigating social situations (look, he’s autistic okay? they’ll never say it in the show but he is and we know it, thanks, moving on). So almost all of their interactions together are led by King. But when King needs him, Ram does everything he can to help King too, even being willing to send his dogs to a friends house after moving in with King when he runs away from home. (King doesn’t make him, because he knows how much the dogs comfort Ram, but it’s the thought that counts!)

When King gets hurt Ram turns into a mother hen, constantly checking on him and making him take care of himself. It’s obvious that Ram cares very deeply for King and is doing his best to reciprocate all the things that King does for him.

My favorite moment of Ram taking care of King is during their first (and so far only) kiss. King is drunk and sad when he confesses his feelings to Ram, thinking that there is no way that Ram likes him back as anything more than a friend. He kisses Ram, a little desperately, almost angrily, and Ram is able to calm him so gently it breaks my heart. Because he knows King just as well as King knows him, and a soft touch is all he needs to take all of King’s roiling emotions and bring them back to that sweet, soft place they’ve always had with each other. It’s so beautiful!

The ending was left very ambiguous, but very hopeful, with Ram at first lying and telling King that he didn’t remember the kiss, claiming he was drunk too when he definitely wasn’t. But as King was driving away to spend a few days with his grandmother Ram texted him to let him know he did actually remember the kiss, so we know that when King returns they will have to talk about it.

I want season 2 so badly it’s making me crazy, because I love these two so much and want to see how their relationship blossoms after this.

However... I am also terrified for season 2, because I have heard some horrible things about the novel and the direction their relationship took. Apparently it was like a completely different writer came in and changed literally everything about them.

If the show runners/writers follow the arc of the first season their relationship will hopefully be something beautiful that will go down as one of my favorite couples of all time.

If they choose to follow the novel I will not ever be watching it because it sounds so so bad. We’ll have to wait and see.

[solarcitymelodies]

Wowza sorry y'all about the random massive Rockafire spam, I'm pretty sure ??most?? People on here? know me for just Knight Rider because that's the only thing I've ever REALLY posted about--

but I Do Not Care it's RAE hours right now so uhhh here's some headcannons that probably aren't Canon compliant very much because I just got into RAE like last week

So like. I feel like Mitzi is a Good Amount younger than the rest of the band like she was in highschool when she joined, the rest of em were all Adults™ and she was a little bit nervous about it because...... ADULTS™

She was just lookin for a place to get her singing voice out there, because ya girl REALLY wanted to perform, and showbiz happened to have a slot open, but she did not expect all of the members to be older than her (although looking back, she realized she probably should have expected that)

It was intimidating at first but Billy Bob and Fatz were just the absolute sweetest and they introduced her properly to the rest of the band because she was like "oh I barely talk to them because I get nervous :(" and the resident dads p much said "aight we can do all the talking for you then, how about that?" And badabing badaboom she's now attached to these two and like honestly who isn't or maybe that's just me but ANYWAYS I feel like the band would become a second home/safe space for her

Yeah fr some reason I have BIG long headcannon for her joining the band but the rest of them? Nobody knows how they got there for all I know they just Showed Up One Day

Also I came across this

https://youtu.be/UU7BeUWQBDI

Which got me thinkin about what my headcannons were as far as sexuality/gender stuff

And I find the concept of Billy Bob being Very Much Straight And Ignorant but trying his hardest to be a good ally SO funny like if someone came out to him he'd probably be like "oh!! I don't understand why you would choose that lifestyle but I respect you!!" not realizing how incredibly stupid he sounds sjkrjh like I don't think he can very easily wrap his head around how people are just. not cishet. so he's like "OH then it must be a choice, right? like you can choose to be gay but you're born straight. Right?" and everyone just shakes their heads in the background but he does earnestly try his best and my man would rather DIE than disrespect someone's pronouns I know this for sure

Fatz is pretty similar, straight ally and a lil confused but he's got the spirit, you know? He still least knows being gay (as well as,,, m o s t sexualities that aren't straight, although some he doesn't get/know about at all) isn't a choice but he hasn't quite grasped that being trans is also not a choice. He will respect your pronouns to hell and back but by god he doesn't get it,,, he's trying though and he feels very accomplished in himself that he's starting to get the hang of using they/them even though he slips up a lot

The rest of the band encourages the HELL out of these two because they're. Trying their best and making an honest effort which is more than a pretty good chunk of people would give

Rolfe, Earl, and Dook are the reasons Billy Bob and Fatz are trying so hard to understand it lmao

Rolfe took it upon himself to hang up a MASSIVE gay pride flag backstage, being the flaming homosexual that he is, and the rest of the squad quickly realized "oh he's GAY gay he wasn't kidding" because at first they literally thought he was joking as he was actually just being openly and obnoxiously a raging mlm (and like I mean no shade to him this isn't me tryna to make fun of it because my dumb sapphic ass almost crashed my car once because I saw a pretty girl walk down the street. And by "once" I mean. Yesterday.) Anyways yeah that's when the rest of em Realized and were like "OH" but after the massive pride flag was hung up that prompted Dook to come out and they were all like "???? YOU TOO????"

Dook is a non-binary ICON he's a demiboy and goes by both he/him and they/them and probably would have a bunch of pride pins I think,,, I'm not really sure of his sexuality though!! honestly he kinda gives me bisexual vibes but Who Knows . Not me. He has a HELL of a time trying to explain his gender to the rest of the band (except for Rolfe because like. He's a part of the community so he knows) and basically he was met with "so you're just a dude but ✨spicy✨?" and it was like, "no, but I have no idea how to explain it in a way that will make sense to you, so. yes?" And that explanation seemed to suffice for most of them

Mitzi went in knowing NOTHING about what being non-binary was so she asked a l o t of questions about it, which Dook just kinda dealt with answering (he's heard most of it before, and it gets tiring after a while. if you're nb or trans or honestly any part of LGBTQ+ you know what I mean) but he thought it was really sweet of her to be so determined to learn about it and eventually she did get a grasp on it ish, so she was able to understand why it wasn't just ✨spicy male✨ (the conversation pretty much went "well if i was just male, don't you think I would label myself that way instead?" "....oH TRUE!!!") and she ended up a VERY passionate ally, and she'll ask occasionally about how to be better at it, bein a queen as she is 👉👉 also definitely started questioning her sexuality after a while and just went with "maybe bicurious" and Rolfe, Dook, and Earl were all like "ONE OF US, ONE OF US"

Earl has never once spoken about his sexuality in his life, because 1. He's very aware that's an awkward conversation to have with a puppet, and 2. He's aroace anyways, which is basically what people assume even if they don't realize it just for their own peace of mind, because seriously, puppets and any identity that ISN'T aroace creates a really uncomfortable mental image for... Most people, pretty much. So it's not like he ever needed to say anything about it, which is convenient for him because he wouldn't want to say anything either way. not worth the risk of embarrassing himself and making everyone feel awkward

(side note ish though Rolfe 100% came out to Earl first and was met with "I already knew that but okay." Rolfe was mildly offended)

And spEAKING OF EARL he's VERY much sentient but he can't say he's particularly enthusiastic about it because Rolfe has to carry him around everywhere

He can move on his own but it's limited and generally annoying to maneuver around with his tiny body so he just says screw it half the time and stays on Rolfe's arm or hitch a ride on Random Object, but like... Yeah, the majority of the time Rolfe just has to deal with only having one arm available and a puppet directly next to him making fun of him at every possible chance

They high-key have chaotic and unorganized college roommate vibes (like they're actually roommates because... Where tf is Earl supposed to go?? So Rolfe took him in) and idk if this is really like a part of my headcannons or if I just think it's funny so I keep entertaining the idea of it but I think it would be Fantastic if Rolfe had no idea how to cook but Earl somehow did so this idiot is trying to take instructions from a puppet, who can't physically show him what to do, and it's like Hell's Kitchen live featuring a furry and a sentient stuffed animal

Aaaaamd going off of my Rolfe and Earl headcannons still Rolfe for SURE has some sort of executive dysfunction issue. ADD or ADHD I'm not sure (probably ADHD) but he definitely has it also this totally isn't just me projecting how dare you accuse me of that

And!!! More about Dook!!!! I don't know how or why I thought up of this but I cannot possibly imagine him any other way now-- he's autistic and space is his Big Huge special interest, and if you ever ask him about it you have to be prepared to get infodumped or possibly even shown a PowerPoint presentation, because GOD he loves space!!! He wants everyone to know all about it!! He knows not everyone thinks it's as cool as he does so he tries to keep his mouth shut but when someone asks about it he can't help himself and will infodump a LOT, also haha drumming stims go brrrr, playing the drums isn't really a stim but he likes to just take his drumsticks and whack em around in the air and get that good ol Wavy Arm Action (wavy arms is best stim change my mind you can't it's GOOD)

Also i bbbbelieve earlier I reposted somethin about someone else headcannoning that he has echolalia, which I don't really know enough about to say anything on it?? But even if he doesn't have echolalia he'd probably repeat phrases over and over until he gets tired of them (which is,,, something I do lmao, it's either memes I get stuck in my head or things I've heard from various medias I like the inflections in (like one tiktokker I saw was talking about their tourettes and their vocal tics and one of them was "uh oh! How unfortunate!" and now I CAN'T STOP SAYING IT)) but like uhhh yeah :))) repeating phrases that get stuck in your head for various reasons for the win

This is already really long so I'm just gonna vibe out thanks for coming to my Ted talk feel free to ask questions I probably won't be able to answer a lot of em though because my headcannons are a Mess hehe >:)

[wadebramwilson]

Dear diary. 

Just a little reflection on 2020 but mostly my last few years. I thought I would just tell Tumblr what I have been up to, I suppose.

I’m sorry to everyone who has struggled in 2020, but to be honest, the year has been quite good to me.

I am very lucky to work in a secure healthcare role, and I am even luckier to be in a regional part of a country that has weathered the pandemic well so far.

I cut my science degree back to part time courseload at the start of the year, with the idea that my workload might need to increase with the pandemic, but that never happened and I enjoy the content much more at a slower pace. I’ve had some very topical units like immunology and medical microbiology which have been tremendous. I truly enjoy lab science, but I enjoy it better when I am poking away at it. I think I will keep it part time. There is no need for me to rush, so I won’t.  

I was diagnosed with a rare kind of retinopathy a few years ago which is a cause of significant stress for me. But this year my vision has not deteriorated in any tests so that is not a negative, though it never feels particularly hopeful as I’ve no hope of regaining any vision in the affected area and my ophthalmologist is terrible. Also in health, I suspect that I might have been a little bit iron deficient for a while without realising it, particularly since going vegetarian, and maybe this is why I’d been having trouble focusing this year. I’ve started on supplements and it’s correlated with a surge in productivity. This is of course, all conjecture until I return to the GP to see what my levels were actually like prior to supplements.

I’ve been going to pottery a lot and I’ve finished some very beautiful pieces. I’ve done some painting, though not much. I’ve made friends with lovely people and we sometimes draw and play board games and exercise and have coffee and cook for one another. We have a strong community. I’m part of co-ops. Sometimes I visit a local farm and do some WOOFER work for them. 

I’ve been writing a lot again. I’ve even posted a few things on AO3 which I am proud of. But less proud of the actual work and more just proud to have posted anything.

I’m content. I think I have reached a point in my life where I do not feel like I have much of anything to prove. I don’t feel any pressure to monetise my projects. I am just happy to create. I am in a financial position where I am okay to work part time, and to put my mental health first. 

I still love my job and I am very good at it. I don’t love all my coworkers but I don’t have to. I love my manager and I feel valued. He is very accommodating to my quirks. Sometimes station can be a very loud place, and some of my coworkers listen to the radio or TV too loud, or talk incessantly, or need the air conditioner at sub zero temperatures, or wear too much aftershave. 

My manager has procured me an extra jumper to keep in my locker for when I forget mine, he put in a vegetable garden at station, he has a pair of headphones in his office for when I need to sit by myself for a while and block out excess noise, and he keeps a little stash of chocolate in his office for emergencies. He doesn’t mind me sitting in the corner of the office to read. I am very lucky. I feel secure in my position as a senior clinician. I like to teach and I like to learn but I probably could work harder to maintain my skills. I am so lucky in the work I have done and the outcomes I have had. I am skilled but I am also phenomenally lucky and I don’t take that for granted.

I realised over the last few years that I am almost certainly autistic. No, definitely. As definite as I can be without a formal diagnosis. I have next to no depressive periods or anxiety when I am able to care for myself properly (unsurprising) and when I respect that my communication needs are atypical. I am at a place where I think all those things make me who I am and I actually really like that person.

When I think back about how hard on myself I used to be. I remember 8 years ago, I moved away from all my support networks to a new, demanding job and place and I used to cry uncontrollably at what seemed like no provocation at all. I was anxious all the time. I used to feel like I had no control over my emotional responses, even when I felt I was intellectually not upset. It’s very strange to look back on and see that time for the stressful transition that it was.

I don’t have any romantic relationship and I’ve been waiting years to become uncomfortable about that, or to feel the need to seek one out. But I don’t feel that need and I think that is okay.

I live with two great big dumb foster dogs and many many plants and I just don’t seem to need another human when what I have is so plentiful. 

I have the creative energy to return to Tumblr again I think. But I don’t intend to put any pressure on myself about it. Just as I am not putting any pressure on myself to write more than I want to. I hope to remind myself that this is something that I do for fun. I feel more than anything, to be very lucky. 

I am weirdly proud of this site and I am happy to see people that I used to know are still here and are doing well. I think I would like to be a tentative member of the community again.

[heeres-suffering]

Be More Alluring: a Personality Swap AU

[pic description and source will be at the bottom of this post, under the read more]

Start of summary:

“You need to be more alluring.”

"... don’t you mean attractive?”

“I do not. Your attractiveness is adequate, Brooke; if you want to mask your apparently latent queerness, you have to make them want you straight. Isn’t that why your step-father defended you?” 

Brooke Lohst is a loser.

But you know what? That was okay.

She always knew she was a weird one. The intensity of her affection for puppies, picture books, and near-constant daydreaming has lasted well-past a normalcy she can’t seem to grasp; when coupled with her inability to befriend anyone (besides the similarly self-identified loser Michael Mell), it’s not a surprise the rest of her peers have left her behind.

However, there were... ah, worse things in her life to worry about then some mild bullying. She liked her passion well enough, and all of her true insecurities went largely unnoticed, so any insults or weird looks rarely lingered in her mind. It’s not like she was a constant target either, which helped a lot. All in all, she just planned to hunker down, wait out the awkwardness of High School like everyone else, and move on to the rest of her life... 

Except.

When Brooke develops a crush on a girl she’s never talked to, after years of avoiding fairy tale romance and trying not to think about the inevitability of marriage (or how finicky her attraction to boys is in the first place), it feels like her whole world is about to cave in. She’d do anything to make sure her parents, especially daddy, never find out... including buying an edible super computer from the loudest, tiniest guy in school.

End of summary.

Alright!

Hi, hello, it’s Mod Seb, and here’s an AU I’ve been rolling around for a few days! You are free to do with this concept whatever you want, but I wanted to introduce it with a good chunk of the info I’ve already worked out in my head.

So. As the CWs are... too numerous, I’m going to go with a blanket “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat” label and encourage you not to read the rest of this if you have any big darkfic triggers that could be upset by mere mention; this isn’t a fic tho, so descriptions of anything awful won’t last long. 

Although, I will mention upfront that Brooke isn’t a binary lesbian. I know the description might read like I’m setting her up to be 100% homosexual; she’s bi with a strong preference for girls, and anyone who presents soft enough in gender or appearance. If it wasn’t for the end-game pairings, her unfamiliarity with smaller details/history of the LGBTQ+ community, and general “gay newb” status, she’d likely ID as a bi lesbian!

(ships and everything else under the Read More)

Okay. That out of the way, there’s quite a number of pairings; I’m pretty sure it’s a super polyamorous and sexual AU, though you’re free to change this list as much as you’d like:

[bolded are end-game ships. italics physically hook up at least once. strike-through means they were in a relationship but break-up in some way before the ending. (H) stands for healthy, while (T) is toxic and/or noncon. underlined characters are pining for the other and may never confess their true feelings]

Brooke/Christine (H), Brooke/Rich (H), Brooke/Jenna (H), Brooke/Michael (H), Brooke/Chloe (T), Brooke/her Daddy (T), Brooke/Squip (H), Brooke/Jeremy (soft T at first bc of mirrored canon-compliant manipulation, H later on), Brooke/Squip/Jeremy (H), Brooke/Squip/Jeremy/Rich (H), Rich/Moses (H), [insert every form of Rich/Mo/Squip/Jeremy here] (H), Jeremy/Chloe (T), Jeremy/Michael (H), Michael/Christine (H), Michael/Christine/Mr. Heere (H; no, seriously), Madeline/Brooke (H)

This is, of course, a role swap AU where Brooke and Jeremy trade places based on my personal lore for their home lives. I always have some pretty fucked ideas as I don’t imagine MB is a great place with great adults, and I pick and choose which parts of canons I use and which I don’t. 

There is no definite ending planned in mind as this isn’t an outline; it’s meta (or an imagine or w/e) for an AU that you’re free to do whatever with. 

So,

The big difference is that Brooke was picked by Michael, while Jeremy was picked by Chloe. Jeremy is trans and hadn’t come out yet; if Chloe had known he was a boy, she wouldn’t have grabbed him. In contrast, Michael’s never gave a shit about potential friends genders.

Jer and B’s personalities... are altered some. Not ALL the way, but kiiinda fusing into their roles, kinda tweaked (I'll get back to that).

The main point of this for me was Brooke/Squip/Jeremy, with B/Jer having a MUCH stronger focus than in canon, and a really bad Chloe acting as one of the major villains.

Michael gets roped into Chloe’s shit, even tho he's still generally a good guy here, bc he's worried about B and thinks she can't properly take care of herself.

While B DOES have a strong crush on Christine, she’s the opposite of the Squip’s “goal”; that’s (obvs) masking, or making passably digestible, her queerness.

Her Mom and step-’Daddy’ have reacted to her friendship w/ ‘openly gay moms, also very flamboyant and GNC’ Michael... poorly.

Michael thinks the solution has to be “act as aggressively yourself as you can, and if they reject you, you know me and the mom’s have a space for you”. This works for him bc he’s permanently hyper-visible, what with all of his own marginalized identities. But, not only has she flied under the radar in comparison to him for years, he doesn’t know everything about her life.

In fact, he doesn’t know most of it. She’s very good at hiding things.

Meanwhile, Jeremy, one of the more popular ‘boy... ish’ (we’ll get to this, too) people in school, is mid-psychosis and self-destruction. He actually has schizo-affective disorder--as is the case with all of my versions of Jeremy--which he needs medication for. Combined that with so many bad influences and trauma, he can no longer fully control himself or his life.

The way he handles this (badly) is to ‘whore around’--which, besides being Chloe’s pet, is kinda why he’s so popular. Nobody respects him, but he’s viewed some form of favorably.

Jeremy is in a relationship with Rich, but he won't let him get as close/protective as Rich wants; Mo and Rich were doing their own man-whoring (but healthy, just droppin’ panties and making dudes and chicks swoon--yeah, Rich is out as bisexual, this is a very ‘the Squips are a good thing’ AU) to gain their standard reputation, but in the course of that, they got together with Jeremy and it became... complicated. Both of them are very "nnn" about how bad his life is for Jer.

The way that their personalities are altered is... okay. To explain this, I have to talk about my characterization of canon-Brooke and Jeremy in relation to this, starting with Brooke:

I imagine B as just a liiittle below the line of "all the way there" for sorta-similar reasons to Jeremy here: trauma, and Chloe (which is why that’s what Jeremy gets in this, it’s just WAY worse when compounded by everything else). She’s also--like me, and like almost every character I write as a result--autistic, in a near-permanent state of “not enough accommodations” and over-stimulation. This leads to a lot of dissociation and a very wandering mind, as well as being perceived as a bimbo or dumb blonde or w/e misogynistic bullshit is projected onto her by the boys she dates (she’s also much more down the middle bi outside this AU).

So, going back to how she is for this AU: she's actually not super nerdy, despite the close connection she and Michael have. Honestly, it’s their general neurodivergent weirdness that bring them together, and so she’s mostly adopted her nerdy interests through him, whether directly a thing he likes, or finding a whimsical variant that fits her tastes.

Obviously, unlike Jeremy, she doesn’t mind being called a loser. She does any insinuation she might be queer. This including anyone who calls her gay or a dyke.

She has too much Cis Male Trauma (unlike canon, where it comes from both cis angles) to really entertain the idea of a Traditionally Male Partner. This means she skews HEAVILY towards hard GNC guys at the very least, and generally finds herself most interested in the idea of enbies and women. she's also not super into butches tho, bc her trauma mixing with her sexuality has latched on to Strong Masc People Are A Threat. 

An expansion on her interests, in canon and otherwise: animals, ASMR/sensual service work (including massages and stuff), spending hours just sorta sitting by herself and letting her imagination wander, fairy tales, and YA-and-under fantasy books.

(Here, she tries to avoid het or f/f romance... except that, this past year or two, she’s started really like m/m stuff--esp after getting REALLY into drag shows, which she could enjoy safely since girls like Chloe have gotten into them too; in canon, she’s a romance fanatic)

Now... this is one of the really darkfic element; she's fucking her step-dad. 

She does this so that he doesn't walk out on her, her mom, and her little sister*. Her mom has a good-enough job as a standard office woman, but he makes enough to pay the rent on their nice townhouse and all the bills she can’t. So, after he expressed interest in Brooke and then casually mentioned he could always just leave if she wasn’t comfortable, she reluctantly entered a relationship with him

(* = her sister is currently know as her brother; he’s like 12 or 13, and started showing signs of trans/queerness which have been Heavily Discouraged. Brooke worries about him a lot)

((I didn’t use she/her pronouns bc I’m not entirely sure he would change them? This is an OC Oli created at the beginning of our interest in BMC, and we haven’t worked on him at all since, so how his characterization will be is up in the air))

Canonically, Brooke's "in love" with her daddy, which is a self-imposed delusion; if she actually addressed it, she’d says she’s well aware that’s not true, but it's so much easier to pretend when you’re cornered like that. Brooke’s life blows.

She’s a lot more honest to herself about hating him here; still, she tries to be as polite and generally-friendly as she can, doing what he says whenever he wants.

OKAY, THAT’S BROOKE. If any of that is badly described or potentially-offensive, it’s just bc I glossed over SO MUCH DETAIL, even in that amount of it!

So. Jeremy.

I don’t have to go over him much and we’re all mostly aware of how I feel about him and also I don’t have the energy to do this again--

(just... read my fics The Devil at your Door or hello yesterday or something... eyyy actually do that, my ao3 username is Sedusa, blah blah blah ANYWAY)

--but basically: He's still very nerdy, like, he’s super into film as well as video games (which is another constant for me), but after being largely ignored in elementary, he's been trailing behind Chloe at her orders since they were in 6th grade. As a result he isn't very open about... any of his interests.

In 7th grade, he came out as trans to everyone. Chloe was furious, but at the same time, intrigued; this was around the time Chloe gets her own... ah shit I gotta go into that too--

--yet another hc of mine is that Chloe gets a Squip on accident around this time at a party (there was one in a “”candy bowl””), and from there, she claws her way up the ladder. I... will not go into that much, but her Squip was crippled by the drugs and alcohol in her system, and therefore largely at her mercy. She’s used his power to manipulate certain things about herself and to sharpen her focus on popularity to the point she’s full-blown Alpha Bitch.

Man, I’ve had to go on so many tangents, I apologize.

Anyway, she drags Jeremy around as a punching bag. She constantly mocks Jeremy's transness, even though she usually calls him by his correct name and pronouns.

This has made the rest of the school follow her lead, hence why I said “boy-ish”; he’s popular, he’s technically ‘well liked’, but nobody really takes him seriously. This is compounded by Chloe’s refusal to let him dress in 'dorky' casual clothes, and, as he’s both too poor to afford designer clothes and also generally hates popular guy fashion, he has to wear the hyper femme clothing Chloe specifically tells him too/

As such, people call him a boy but largely see him as either an idiot, a slut, an attention seeker, or all of the above.

So of course, in Brooke's place, his neurodivergence is more prominent than ever; every day he slips further into this psychosis and self-infantilization haze, as his his mom leaving, his dad severely depressed, Chloe's sexual violence, and other repressed trauma (see: my fic hello yesterday on ao3) all weighing on him. This makes him INCREDIBLY regressed, like, all the time by Junior year.

And then Brooke's Squip (IE: canon Squip) falls in love with Jeremy extremely fucking hard. He pushes her to date him as a way to compromise on her queer desires, since Jeremy is technically a boy, and certainly a few other straight-ish girls have hooked up with him in the past.

WHEW. That is a fucking lot. To wrap this up, lemme go over the interpersonal relationships not already mentioned, and what directions I think it takes.

First off, Madeline has a more prominent role, as I quite like her tbh; she’s a sex worker, she has her own Squip, she’s one of Chloe’s most hated enemies, and she gravitates towards both Brooke and Jeremy. She’s also Actually French, Chloe’s just weird.

(Anyway she prolly sees through Brooke’s straight act and asks her why she’s pretending to be a good little cishet. It rattles Brooke.)

Chloe is scum. This bears repeating. She DEFINITELY rapes Brooke at the Halloween party, and becomes obsessed with her, along with already being obsessed with Jeremy and Jake. 

Jake, by the way, has a lot of regressive behavior and impulsiveness bc he’s been in an abusive relationship off and on with Chloe for years now.

Speaking of Jake, moving on to his best bro: Rich doesn’t set himself on fire. He’s having a good time with his Squip.

But.

He IS set on fire at the Halloween party.

Instead of the Smartphone Hour being about Rich's instability, it's actually about the mystery of Someone Did It To Him But No One Saw Who It Was, They Were Disguised.

The answer relates to the fact that Rich and Brooke are ALSO hooking up, after she’s already with Jeremy, bc he Properly introduces her to him and the three of them hit it off really well.

(She initially wasn’t interested, but while Rich is loud and still kinda abrasive, his Squip doesn’t drive him to act like a bully--and in private, his nerdiness is really obvious and he’s extremely gentle with her and Jeremy. Add to that that he’s bi and trans*, when Brooke connects best w/ queer men over cishet one, and it off-sets his masc-ness enough to make him an Exception.

* = I always imagine him as trans. See: all of Vanceypants fics.)

Sooo... the culprit is actually Brooke's daddy, who sees her with this obvious heartthrob and Cannot let that be.

Chloe convinces Michael that the Squips are Very Very Bad and has him team up with her to force Brooke into drinking Red, with the intention to convince him to kill himself after to get him out of the way, bc she’s really going nuts at this point.

Eventually, he snaps out of it when he and Christine get together (he’s thought he was Full Homo all of his life, but Christine’s prolly genderqueer-ness makes him realize “oh shit, I’m bisexual”) and she starts to question why he’s acting the way he is towards Christine.

He also definitely has a crush on Jeremy and during his time with Chloe he kinda tried to flirt a little but couldn’t really... he’s not up for dating someone as sexually active and a push-over as Jeremy is in this.

However, when he snaps out of Chloe’s manipulation, he and Christine approach Mr. Heere to convince him to straighten up and help Jeremy and also bc they really need an adult to successfully fight Chloe.

This requires a month+ of Christine getting him to see her psychiatrist (the one who prescribes her ADHD meds). Jeremy spends the majority of his time staying with Chloe, and very rarely comes home to gather things or to make sure his dad is eating/still alive, as much as he can remember to in his own haze of mental illness. Anyway, point is, he doesn’t know Christine and Michael are there often... not that, in the course of growing close to Mr. H, they both fall for him hard and it becomes one of my stranger OT3s.

(God, Jeremy goes through a lot of shit in this, tho.)

Pre-Squip, Jenna was kinda-sorta Brooke’s friend--or, well, friendly. However, she’s actually full blown “oh my God she’s wonderful” in love with Brooke.

Brooke isn't aware of that, esp since Jenna tries her not to be around her a lot. She's also trying to hide her own queerness, bc she’s a trans woman and she knows Chloe finding that out would be extremely dangerous.

Eventually, Chloe succeeds in making Brooke take the Red months after canon usually ends, w/o Michael’s help. If you’re curious, Red doesn’t affect her normal Squip bc she’s had him too long and a lot of his receptors and stuff are damaged, so it’s the second one she gets in canon that turns off.

This plan backfires, however, as Brooke’s Squip comes back with a physical body w/ help from Rich and also-bodied-now Moses.

With a body, and shenanigans, Mo and Squip take out Brooke’s daddy too. His life insurance more than makes up for the loss of his income, as it’s a sizable amount. Now that Brooke feels more empowered and strong, she overrides her mother’s neglectfulness and takes control of the household w/ her boyfriends*, comes out as queer, helps her sister transition, and begin to heal from all of this trauma.

(* = Rich and Mo move in, as does Jeremy eventually, after graduation; Jeremy gets a psychiatrist and a therapist and prolly has to go through some intense outpatient care and possibly a stay in the hospital, before finally making major breakthroughs and looking like himself again. The five of them are now happy and in love.)

Chloe, after her arm gets twisted by the Squip’s protective presence so thoroughly, gives up on Jeremy and Brooke to focus on Jake. This too gets abandoned when Rich and Mo help him cut her off, and so she stays in her own popularity bubble, bitter, until graduating and going to a community college in a different state.

All in all, things work out well in the end, but getting there is a long, difficult process. This AU fascinates me immensely and feels like a great way to examine some of my really dark headcanons about MB, as I think it’s a town similar to Derry in Stephen King’s IT--as in, just chronically The Worst Place Ever, with this, like, miasma of low-key despair around it. People adjust and don’t question it, which is why so much of BMC is this flippant dark humor in the face of some highly questionable shit.

I’m so sorry this post is so long (I’ll be uploading it to AU under my usual Sedusa account, as metas like this are more than allowed), but I really adore these characters and the way they can be twisted around, so I had a lot to say!

Thank you for reading <3

-mod Seb

image description: virtual-like stairs pointed forward and bathed in neon yellow and blue to represent Brook and Jeremy, which I’ve modified from the original blue-only design.

source: x (link description: a free Wallpaper Flare image that I found off Google Image’s “filtered by ‘labeled and reuse with modification” feature) 

[universal-kitty]

   Ohhh, I lost a follower. Good note to start this off at. So! Anyways!!

   I’ve vented a LOT about this in private...and I feel like maybe the reason why this keeps bothering me is because I never air it out where it’s been needed. I have never said my piece because, while I have a stance, I’ve been more afraid (in the past) of blacklash and how people would think of me. Which is dumb, I realize now, because people I don’t even KNOW have a way of thinking of me that isn’t good. So what’s the point in trying to care about stuff like that?

   This is a long-winded way of saying that- although belated- I want to give my thoughts on the Age Discourse. (With potential ties to the Villain Discourse, but that’s only gonna make sense later into the post.)

   Obviously, feel free not to read! I know that this community is done of the Discourse and I would like to be, too.....but I’ve also vented about this multiple times in my own server and I feel like if I need to vent about it again, maybe it’s time I do it in the place that’s been causing the stress in the first place.

   With all that said, let’s get into it.

   By Law of Canon, I have young F/Os. Most of which stopped at 17, due to series ending or no promised continuation ever coming to light. (Since some series, like DanganRonpa, had their main focus be high schoolers, but then Dangan Ronpa: Hope (the anime) came out, and everyone’s now canonly in their twenties to wrap up the series and move on to other things, same formula. Also: Naruto and Death Note.) This makes sense on the media side of it, since sometimes, you really don’t want to drag your shoes through all the nitty-gritty details. Who wants to hear about the whacky MC high schooler finding a day to day job? Afterstories? Psssshh.

   ....But then, there’s me. This little autistic kid who puts all their stakes into these fictional worlds and people. Who REALLY gets into it! This character likes me, these characters are my BFFs, and the rest.... Well, I’m just gonna take this world and make my own little story in it! Cause it’s fun!!! And in the eyes of fandom- at that time- I was totally weird, but made it okay. I got the right friends to support my self-inserting. Hell, it’s probably kinda cute for a kid to be so excited about this stuff.

   Now I’m in my twenties. I made it far enough to find the community...and learned that most people agree that if your F/O is age locked, you should leave them behind. And I suppose that makes sense...if you can do that. If you can let go of those feelings and move along, happy at past memories.

   ......I can’t, though. Kurama’s always been my best example for this, cause he’s been the BEST showing of how my worlds have evolved past canon. His canon stopped him at 17. (Yoko is far older, but. Still, his physical body is young.)

   I’ve had Kurama as an F/O for....about 12-13 years, maybe? Which might seem pretty young, but I’ve had.......childhood issues, to put it one way. A friend got me into the show in.....around middle school or so. I liked Kurama ever since.

   In all these years I’ve had him, he’s strayed from canon’s end point. In my world, we age-match, if not him being a year or two older. Two kids and a house all our own; basically a large cottage with PLENTY of flowers and a lovely garden. There’s also a special greenhouse for his demon plants to take residence in.

   I am not a “pedo in love with a 17 year old”......it’s a fictional character who’s my age. Cause I said so and canon wouldn’t let him EXIST past the ending of the manga.

   And that’s what frustrates me so much. One, that my F/Os who canonly have a younger age, were never shown older. Why is it okay to have Naruto Uzumaki as an F/O- who GOT to age up in the show- but I can’t keep Alphonse, because FMA ended when Ed was 18, and not Alphonse? When his canon story ended....why is it suddenly not allowed for ME to finish his story? To keep writing it?

   Secondly, because THIS AGE ISSUE HAS NEVER BEEN AN ISSUE IN FANDOM BEFORE!!!! Of all the fanfics I’ve read over the years, writing characters as older for story purposes has ALWAYS been a thing!! This character is older so he can be the CEO of a company in my AU fic. This character is older so I can show their friendships and relationships, and show how they changed after this important, canon events. I wrote her as older so I can show........whatever.

   I could write a fic where me and Guzma are Pokemon, and nobody would have a problem with it. But no..... If I age up a character, I’m a pedo.

   And I get what it’s supposed to be...don’t look at a kid, think they’re hot, and then fall back on “age up” as a thing. I get that idea, cause if an adult aged up Deku to ship with.......I’d be side-eyeing that. I fully admit to that one. My point is “how does this account for people who just want to grow up with their F/Os?”

   Maybe it’s more nuanced than that and I don’t get it; it wouldn’t be the first time. (I mentioned autism offhand before cause I NEED people to understand that I’m seeking to understand this. I don’t get the connection. I really, really don’t. Maybe there’s something I’m missing! I wouldn’t know!) But as it stands, I just feel frustrated and all too often alienated. Because I know why I do what I do. It’s because of how I was growing up. I went through awful situations and went through emotional abuse at a super young age. I let people walk all over me and thought it was okay, because maybe they’d stay if I was enough. Nice enough, quiet enough....whatever.

   I didn’t- and don’t- want to let these characters go not only for the life I’ve built for us and all of them......but because people have continuously left my life. I’ve always felt so, so alone and left behind... Fictional characters are the ONE constant that can’t be taken from me. And I need that.

   ....Anyways, I did want to tie this back around to the Villain Discourse, so as a sort of weird closure..... I see this as the VD. My example? Purple Guy. For some reason, I like him. Couldn’t properly explain it right now (not without going on another rant and this post is long enough as is), but I like him.

   HOWEVER this does NOT mean I condone his actions in any way. I do NOT support child murder. I have siblings- little kids, themselves- and I know, if he was a real person, that they could be at risk. And I would LOATHE someone like that. They’d make me fucking sick.

   But it’s a fictional character. He’s not going to hurt any real-world people. My sisters are safe...and I can goof around with a fictional, literally purple man as I want. Because I know where reality and fiction differs. I KNOW that there’s a difference between condoning actions and just simply thinking a character is neat. And that’s that.

[rickyriddle]

Anime/Manga autistic characters

Hi! After the list of psychopath characters in anime & manga, here’s the list for the autistic characters, also known as Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Just like the psychopaths list, I make that one because there is a lot of misconception about autism. A lot of people seem to think that autistic = retarded, that a goofy, weird or dumb character is autistic. I also often read people calling others autistic as an insult, and frankly, all of this is pretty much insulting, especially since I’m myself autistic (Asperger Syndrome). I understand that it isn’t always to be mean, that those people might not know what autism truly is. So that’s why I’m making that list, to educate people about that condition by showing characters that truly fit it. Spoilers alert.

There is two main type of ASD: Autism and Asperger Syndrome. Both of them usually have low social skills, difficulties understanding non-verbal language and emotions, they can look emotionless and stoic, have restricted interest, are often socially awkward, and unlike what some people might think, they are often smarter than average, and some of them are geniuses. Autistic people aren’t the kind to have bad intentions, and because of that some of them can’t see that other people might have bad intentions, which often make them naive. People with an ASD often also have an OCD (Obsessive compulsive disorder) and/or an attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) I’ll give you a quick description of those two conditions:

Autism: People with autism have difficulties with communication and social skills, as well as social norms. They often have sensory issues and some of them might have learning disabilities. But it’s not because they are less intelligent, more because the actual education system isn't the best for those who don’t fit the norm.

Asperger Syndrome: A specific type of autism. Aspergers usually have better social skills, without being good at it. It’s just easier for them to learn how sociability works. The main difference between autism and asperger is that aspergers don’t have communication’s problem. On the contrary, they are usually quite good with vocabulary from a young age. Some of them have motricity issues.

Kobayashi (Miss Kobayashi’s dragon maid): Asperger Syndrome

Kobayashi for Kobayashi-san’s dragon maid is a good example of a girl with an Asperger syndrome. She looks emotionless and stoic, she’s not really good with social interaction, she has an obsession (maid), and she’s working in computer science (a lot of aspergers are good with computer, lots of them have job in that field). She has barely no friends and doesn’t seem to have keep in touch a lot with her family, she really is a loner person who prefers to be alone. But, despite that, she’s able to bond with people, even if it takes a lot of them. With Tooru for example, at first she allowed her to stay at her house because she wanted a lift to her workplace. Aspergers often view others at first for logical reasons, they don’t bond at first simply over emotions. But over time, they get used to those around them who bring them something in their life they viewed as positive, and can then bond with them in a more emotional way. That’s what happened with Kobayashi, at first she kept Tooru because she was useful and because she wanted a maid, but over time, she was ready to face an angry dragon dad just to keep Tooru, which was clearly more emotional. And the way Kobayashi is able to keep her composure most of the time despite all the weird thing that happened to her, which show that she’s able to remain more rational than emotional.

Nanami Chiaki (Danganronpa 3 Despair arc): Asperger Syndrome

Another good example of an “aspergirl”. She had no interest in friends at the beginning, she had restricted interest (gaming) and barely show any emotions. She’s really more a rational person than emotional. It does feel a lot like a typical asperger who lack social skills and prefer to do activities alone. But she does over time bond with her classmates, thanks to Chisa. Aspergers can make friends or have the desire to have friends, but it’s harder for them to actuality socialize enough to have some. Over time Chiaki really become attached to her classmates, she was really loyal to them and deeply care about them, enough to risk her life for them...uh, why do I feel something wet on my cheeks...no, I’m not crying, you crying! My eyes are only sweating....anyway, when aspergers found people they really care about, they can go really far for their sake...too far. Damn, it’s really raining a lot today!

 Hirasawa Yui (K-On!): Autism

Okay, for this one, I saw a lot of people joking that Yui is autistic, but to me she might really be autistic. But not because she is goofy and most of the time she’s acting dumb. At the beginning of K-On, Yui had barely no friend other than Nodoka, who even said that Yui had difficulties to fit in society (or something along those lines). When she met Ritsu and Mio the first time, Yui was really awkward and seems to not be able to properly socialize with them. She was not even able to tell them frankly that she couldn’t play guitar, it took her a while to finally admit it. Yui is definitely socially awkward and lacks common social skills, she’s even socially inappropriate sometimes (just look at how she acts with Azuza).  At first Yui only joined the light music club because Nodoka asked her to join a club, it wasn’t Yui’s own desire. But over time, she gets used to her fellow club members and honestly wants to be part of that club. Another trait of Yui that could be autistic is her “dumb genius” statue. Most of the time Yui looks like an idiot, but in fact she can be quite intelligent sometimes, like when she actually studied for an exam she had an extremely good grade on it, or how much of a musical genius she is when it comes to guitar. Even Azuma, who practice guitar since she’s a kid, is amazed of how Yui was able to be so good in only couple of months. That’s why I think Yui isn’t stupid, she probably has learning disabilities, and probably a ADHD, which explain her bad grades, because she’s not able to focus in class. Those are issues a lot of autistic people have. 

Sasaki (Azumanga Daioh): Asperger Syndrome

Remember that manga? I sure do. Some people think that Osaka is autistic, which may be true. But I’m more interested in Sasaki, the shy cool-looking girl. She’s really bad at expressing herself, lack social skills, even if she isn’t a loner, just too shy. She’s obsessed with cute things, to the point of letting herself get injured by a wild cat (talk about dedication!). I don’t have a lot of things to say about her, other than she’s bad at socializing, she appeared emotionless, she’s really smart, she’s in fact a sweetheart and she’s obsessed over cute things.

L Lawliet (Death Note): Asperger Syndrome

I think no one is surprised with that one. I think I’m not the only one who suspects him to be autistic, more exactly to have an Asperger Syndrome. L is known to be a genius, he’s really introverted, eccentric, logical, rational, not really emotional, outside the norm and really socially awkward. There’s not a lot I could say about him since he’s largely viewed as Asperger by fans. All I’ll say is that Death Note is basically the mind battle of a psychopath and an asperger.

Nagato Yuki (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya): Autism

Okay, this one is special since she’s an artificial human, but she’s still organic. Whether or not her brain is similar to a human one, her behaviours still scream HFA a lot. She’s extremely intellectual, prefer lonely activities, lack social skills, almost just rational, but not devoided of emotions either. When Kyon told her he prefers her without glasses, she stopped wearing them. So it’s possible she might have some desires to get along with others, but is not able to due to her lack of social skills. Lots of people think that Haruhi might be asperger. which could be true, but I’m not convinced.

Miyauchi Renge (Non Non Biyori): Autism

Renge is really a special kid. It’s like she’s living in her own world. She has an odd way to interact with others, others often don’t understand her, she often talks weirdly, she’s really intelligent for a kid of her age, and she’s also emotionless-looking. Does are quirks a lot of autistic kids have. Despite her quirks, she seems to have no learning disabilities.

Akiyama Yukari (Girls und Panzer): Autism

I actually saw other people thinking the same thing, that Yukari might be autistic. That’s what actually make me remember that she does have some autistic traits. At the beginning she had, if I remember well, no friends. Her interactions with others are awkward, she’s socially odd, and she has an obsession over panzers. It’s pretty much only when it’s about panzers that she’s able to socialize with others. She may also have hyperactivity issues.

Tsunemori Akane (Psycho-Pass): Asperger Syndrome

I may surprise a lot, but I do think that Akane may have an Asperger Syndrome. Why’s that? Well, she does have some asperger traits, such as social awkwardness and naivety (mostly seen at the beginning of the series), really intelligent (she was a really studious student, the best of her class I think), good-hearted, mostly rational, she’s able to disconnect herself from her emotion, she’s obsessive (mostly about her job and cases) and she can overcome traumatic events more easily than others. But that’s not the only reason why I think she may be asperger. Remember in my psychopaths list, I said that asymptomatic criminals were most likely psychopaths? Well, a lot of people think that Akane is criminally asymptomatic, which I absolutely don’t think is possible because, well, Akane is clearly not a psychopath. But it’s true that Akane’s psycho-pass is abnormal. Despite her rebellious mind, her opposition towards Sybil, the fact she’s able to think by herself and does not follow the norms, Akane’s psycho-pass managed to remain clear. Akane is able to think outside the box, which is really odd in the Sybil society. In that society, people are basically brainwashed to think a certain way, even those who are smart or know the truth about Sybil are unable to become like Akane. She’s, among the known characters who aren’t any kind of criminals, the only one who is truly a free thinker. There are a lot of neurological similarities between psychopathy and autism, which, if Akane is asperger, could explain her odd psycho-pass. She may not be criminally asymptomatic, but like those who are, she’s able to have a certain control over her psycho-pass, to keep it clear. She would probably not be able to commit an actual crime and remain clear, but she’s able to think differently without having her psycho-pass becoming darker, she’s able to think like a criminal without becoming a latent criminal. It could be because for an asperger, thinking differently is something normal, therefore she’s able to keep her hue clear because Sybil can’t scan any abnormality in Akane’s psyché, people it’s her normal way of thinking. Both psychopaths and autistic people are neurologically atypical, it could be why it’s harder for Sybil to judge them, because their brains are too different from “normal” people. An Asperger Syndrome could be why Akane was able to think differently than others despite that brainwashing society, since autistic people usually don’t follow norms and often don’t let themselves be influenced by others. So we could say that she isn’t criminally asymptomatic, but that she could be considered as simply asymptomatic.

Ichinose Haru (Akuma no Riddle): Autism

Okay, I’m sure that one surprise you more than Akane. I understand. I hesitate to put her here, but since I more and more convince and that it’s mostly an AnR blog, I decided to put Haru on the list. There’s also Shiena on whom I had a doubt, but I lack evidence to prove my point, so here’s Haru. Most of you must be thinking “but Haru is friendly and sociable, how could she be autistic?”. Well, here’s the thing. Being autistic doesn’t equal being asocial and unfriendly. It’s true that autistic people lack social skills, but it’s not because you aren’t good at something that you can’t like it. It’s true that most of the time, when you aren’t good at something you’re not really interested in it, but it’s not always the case. Same thing with autistic people, some of them are really friendly and want to socialize, even if they are usually awkward at it. My little brother (who’s autistic) is like that, he’s really friendly and outgoing with others, but extremely odd and awkward when he attempts to socialize. Haru may be a friendly and sociable girl, she’s kinda odd when she socialize with others. It’s like she trying too much, almost like she doesn’t know how proper socialization work, like she...lack common social skills. It could be because she didn’t have the chance to socialize normally before, but I think that in those cases, a regular person who lacks sociable experience would be most likely shy and nervous to interact with others, not overly friendly like Haru is. But it’s not the only reason why I think Haru is autistic. Haru has a really horrible backstory, all her family was murdered and she spent most of her life being almost killed and surviving assassination attempts. Most people would be mentally screwed up after that, full of hatred and grudge, and making deal with demons for vengeance (*cough* Ciel *cough*). But it’s absolutely not the case with Haru. Quite the opposite in fact. I did say earlier that autistic people could more easily overcome traumatic events? Well, that might be the case for Haru. That could explain why she has no hatred or grudge against her classmates, who are assassins. For a neurologically normal person, it would be normal to feel hatred towards those who are similar to the people who wrong them, but an autistic person is able to separate emotions from logic. Even if Haru is against murder, she’s able to understand that assassins have their reasons to kill, that they are humans too. Haru’s forgiveness attitude, her naivety, her good-hearted nature as well as her ability to quickly switch from her friendly attitude to a more cold, serious and composure one really makes me think she’s autistic. Sure, those aren’t exclusive to autistic people, but for her to have all those traits, it’s nearly impossible for a neurologically normal, but not for an autistic person. Even if Haru is sincerely friendly, I think she exaggerates a little bit the way she acts with others, because when she’s alone with Tokaku or in a more serious situation, she’s more calm. Haru wanting to be friends with her classmates is more rational than emotional choice in fact, since Haru is mostly trying to survive. Since Tokaku, who was apparently an assassin after her life, become her friend and decided to protect, it’s in fact logic for Haru to think she could perhaps do the same with others. But despite that, Haru isn’t dumb. She’s able to see when it’s useless to talk and then switch to a rational and even cold attitude, where she’s able to effectively defend herself. In fact, for most of the assassins, it’s in fact Haru who defeated them, or greatly help for that, especially in the manga (Otoya, Kouko, Suzu, Banba, Sumireko). And...I think I’ll stop there for her, otherwise it would be too long for that list, and keep that for a Haru analysis post.

That will be all for today. As you can see, just like psychopaths, not all autistic people are exactly the same, even if they share similar traits. I do realize it’s almost only girls on my list, it’s mostly because I have seen more anime with female leads or an all girl-cast. If you have any other characters you think may be autistic, don’t hesitate to share them with me! Or if you don’t agree with me too! Thanks for reading ^^

[burioltheunseen-blog]

“Drama Queen”

I wish.

I wish I was normal.

Neurotypical, like some say.

Normal. Human.

Regular.

I wish.

 Once I said that

in the classroom

to the delight of the bullies,

and to add to my embarrassment,

my eternal awkwardness,

my abnormality.

 I said, "I wish I was normal."

I'm not. I'll never be normal.

I see things, hear things,

that others do not.

 Normal people.

 And now, I'm just

a middle-aged freak,

borderline autistic,

Asperger's fuck and

depressed.

 Fuck me.

I can't look at their eyes,

I can't talk to no one else,

for everyone else has left.

The normies, they care not.

They are full of real problems,

Families. Daughters. Sons.

Real jobs, real responsibilities,

while I have

nothing.

 Not nothing, no.

A lot of shit.

a ton of drawing materials,

I don't draw anymore.

A shitload of musical instruments,

I barely play anymore.

 I'm alone, I'll always be alone,

Trapped inside a world of my own,

so pure, so ideal, so

naive.

 While others do normal things,

I do nothing at all.

Nothing normal.

 I'm nothing to everyone,

I'm just there,

a curiosity,

a freak show,

someone that may look

interesting, or

intelligent,

but I'm not.

 I'm not.

I'm 40, and I have

achieved fucking nothing,

I got no house, no condo,

no car, no savings,

nothing.

 I am nothing.

40 years of sheer loneliness,

has produced a ruined man,

a 40-year old baby,

a fucking drama queen,

who's also queer.

 Freak, I am.

I'm fucking dumb.

I'm a fucking idiot,

rotting alone with the dust

and the spiders, surrounded by

dragons, that has become my

only friends sometimes.

 My real friends, I know they like me,

but they can't help me, no.

No one can.

 For 40 years I hated

the 12th of June,

While everyone's hooking up,

celebrating with their

Special Ones,

I was once again reminded

of how lonely I am.

how lonely I'll ever be,

forever and ever, amen.

 Everyone who dared to

try to enter my heart,

got so tired of my mental

instability, they left

in a hurry,

no strings attached,

no one remained.

 I just wish I was normal,

but I'm nothing but.

I'm depressed, Aspie

and deranged, in even stranger ways.

 I can't look at no one in the eye,

I can't understand subtle signs,

I'm awkward and strange,

very strange,

I scare everyone

around me,

no one will even sit beside me

in a fucking bus.

 I'm told I got value,

but I do not. I know this,

because I'm fucking 40,

and I'm stuck on a dead-end

job, a dead-end life,

nobody but my mom,

my sisters,

care for me.

For real, but sometimes,

it feels like I'm just a burden,

a fucking leech,

living on my parents' money,

my parents' house,

everything my father achieved

I could _never_ do likewise.

I can't do shit.

Got no marketable skills,

all I got is a pile of regrets,

while i live on the past,

because I've got no future.

I see no future,

just being alive hurts,

my present is absent,

the days go by, I'm getting older,

colder.

I'm giving up hope,

because everytime there's

a glimpse of something,

anything better that may

happen, it doesn't.

It doesn't. Never.

I try to talk it out

reach out to friends online,

they ignore me,

and I can't really blame them.

"Just another rant

from the drama queen man."

And I know, I swear I do,

everyone's got troubles,

everyone's lives are sometimes

even harder than mine.

I know my life’s not

That bad, not at all.

But I also swear,

Despite knowing all

Of that, there’s something

Broken inside

That keeps me from

Wrapping my defective brain

Around it, I swear.

I know it is not that bad,

But my mind just won’t let go

Just won’t function normally,

I’m an abnormality,

A monster,

Walking alone,

Unable to maintain eye contact,

Unable to properly

Communicate, unable to relate,

A failure, a fucking failure,

I’ve got everything to succeed,

But I keep on failing

Nonetheless.

I just wish I had a shotgun,

One small pressure on a trigger,

Blam, I’d be gone.

Gone.

And you, normal people

Would have one less

Freak to bother you,

Endless whining, endless bitching,

He’s got all –

He’s handsome

(So beautiful, I scare

Everyone on the streets,

beauty is skin deep, my friends,

The inside’s all rotten)

He’s got talent

(what talent? To do nothing?)

He’s so gifted,

And yet

He whines

And bitches

And moan

About everything

Yes. I got it all, eh?

And where did it lead me?

40 wasted years.

40 lonely wasted years,

I got it all, except a proper way

To kill myself.

And I tried, for three times

I tried, and failed.

I suck even on killing myself,

What a fucking joke.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of this endless

Fruitless battle,

All the worthless advice

And scolds,

All the drugs in the world,

I’ve tried it all,

All types of treatment,

Except for electric shock,

Or a frontal lobotomy.

I’m on antidepressants, the strongest

Of them all, one so dangerous,

I had to read an article about

How my diet might kill me,

If I ingest the wrong types of food.

Parnate, Parnate it is,

Can’t eat cheese

Nor pizza, nor bacon,

Nor beer, nor wine,

I don’t care, I said,

As long as it works.

It seemed to have worked, at

First glance, but no, it did not.

It didn’t solve Asperger’s –

That can’t be fixed.

And it’s the thing that hinders me

The most. This fucking nearly-autistic

Permanent state of mind.

Increase the dose, it got me

With a limp dick, it got me also

Sterile, to boost,

It got me sleepless, so I had to take other pills

That gave me terrible nightmares,

The most horrible ones I’ve ever had,

I was afraid of sleeping for a week,

So, they got me another one, plus this other one,

That made as fat as a fucking pig,

It is an endless struggle

Against

Myself.

I’m tired,

So very tired.

Life seems a void,

I can’t relate to anyone,

Everyone has deserted me,

Or I pushed them away,

Because I’m aware that I may

Be too much of a drag

Unto others, and I don’t want

That. I just want it to end.

I feel like I can’t take it anymore,

I feel like I’m not even human anymore,

I can’t get into any relationship,

Because I know I’m just

This sad, middle-aged fucking

Loser, with nothing to give,

Nothing to offer,

And I fall in love rather too easily,

And for the wrong kind of people,

And then – the following heartbreak

Ache, added to my permanent depressive state,

It just hurts too much,

Too damn much.

Because everyone leaves, once they see,

What a trainwreck I am,

A long, slow, moving accident,

Just waiting to happen.

Everyone leaves.

And I’m left with less than nothing,

Like someone sprinkled salt all over

My pre-existing wounds,

And I’m left alone,

To deal with it,

Alone.

No one listens, no one cares,

“He’s having another

Drama queen moment, what a bore.”

And no one understands

Why I cannot create anything anymore.

Why I cannot write anything anymore,

But these feeble cries for help,

That will be also ignored,

And then one day,

They will find me dead,

By my own hands, somehow,

And will ask

“But why? He had it all!”

No.

I had nothing.

I have nothing.

Not even someone that will

Read this and take me

Seriously.

That’s

All

I got.