#like hazel being such a horse girl

[nellhargreeves]

rereading pjo/hoo series and honestly forgot so many things

[hazellvsq]

hazel never tells ANYONE that she loves them in those words. she never says it. even in trials of apollo when the topic is brought up, its not her own words. its apollo's assumption.

[ry3breadl0rd]

some titles uncle rick deprived us of

”I Fall To My Death (Again)” for the fall into tartarus

“I Get Mugged by Monsters” that one chapter where leo’s tool belt gets stolen

“Jason Meets his Brother” hercules chapter

“I Obtain A Death Ray” the sphere thing

“Leo Makes a Great First Impression” when he blows up new rome

“I Scare Some Pirates With An Unofficial Sponsorship” that chapter where percy scares off the pirates with diet coke

“A Spider Hates My Mom” annabeth at any point with arachne ngl

“Scrawny Is The New Sizzling Hot” leo+hazel with narcissus

“We Get Slapped to New York” zeus smacking the argo ll to new york

“Nyx Gives Us A Tour” when they convince nyx to not murder them immediately by pretending they’re tourists

“My Evil Great-Grand Mother Wakes Up” self explanatory i hope

“Hazel Orders A Horse From Amazon” hazel meets arion

“I Get Blasted Out Of This World” leo goes to ogygia

“Fleecy Does Us A Solid” when they meet iris

“I Tame A Dragon” leo with argo

“I Vaporize Some Old Ladies” first chapter of son

“I Give My Dad Some Decor Tips” nico and hades conversation

“Piper Talks Her Boyfriend To Life” when piper charm speaks jason back to life

“I Play Roulette With A Blind Man” when percy drinks the gorgons blood

“Piper Sees Dead People (In Her Knife)” i might be remembering wrong but it’s that one where they try to trick piper by showing her how her friends were doing in her knife, like trying to convince her they were all dead

“We Use Adidas To Summon A Goddess” nike chapter

“Mudman, Hazel, and Frank Get Brunch” when they get to alaska

“I Learn The Power Of Positivity” percy and misery

“We Meet A Cool Girl (Literally)” khione chapter

“I’m Leo. You Killed My Mother. It’s My Turn” based on the funny comment:) it’s for when leo blows up gaea

“My Nosebleed Wakes Up My Great-Grandma” when gaea wakes up

“Mr. D Hates Ballet” when he helps percy and jason against the twin giants

“Frank Gets A Blast To The Past” when hazel shares her past with him

“Frank Sets Himself On Fire” with the firewood and freeing thatanos

“I Got A Girlfriend?” jason first chapter

”Why Did It Have To Be Poison?” that chapter with polybotes

“Jason Becomes The Oldest Demigod!” old man jason

“Game Night Goes Too Far” war games in son

“The World Hates Us, Literally” hoh when they’re low key attacked by like everything

“We Traumatize Frank” when percabeth gets caught together

“Lions, and Tigers, and Frank, Oh My!” when frank unlocks his shapeshifting stuff

“I Aquire a Misfortune Cookie” i might be delulu but didn’t nemesis omfg i knew that why did i put nike give leo a fortune cookie to open if he needed help?? but price would not be fun

“The Law is On My Side For Once” percy and terminus vs polybotes

“Being A Dumb Blonde Has Its Perks” annabeth when she drops the knife that one chapter

[guardianspirits13]

I have seen so many comments along the lines of "wait how will we tell Annabeth and Hazel apart now" or "i thought this was Hazel and Percy 💀" and I just wanted to clear up this confusion- you can (obviously) have two black girl characters without them being indistinguishable.

Here are some pointers on how I distinguish them in my own art:

•Annabeth is a very practical person. She keeps her hair up and out of the way and is ready for a fight at any moment.

•Hazel, like the horse girl she is, is more of a free spirit. She likes feeling the breeze in her hair.

•Annabeth is older than Hazel, she is taller and built like a runner.

•Hazel is small and sometimes looks younger than her age.

•I make an attempt to make my Annabeth look as similar to Leah as possible, while my interpretation of Hazel is more from my imagination and others' interpretation of her.

•Also, Annabeth has the white streak in her hair while Hazel has gold streaks, and I like to add gold freckles to her face because they're pretty and fun to draw

•The CHB chronicles has 5+ blue eyed blonde boys and I don't see any of y'all getting them confused 🤨

Anyways that's my contribution for the day- this is not directed at anyone in particular so don't take it personally (and if you do, maybe take a moment to reflect on why).

Peace ✌️

[sunflowerwinds]

i have to ofc request current brainworm cowboy ellie/hazel and/or cam girl ellie/hazel 😍

AS A SOUTHERN GIRL MYSELF, i will gladly take this request for some cowboy ellie!hcs for now… lmk if you guys want a oneshot of cowboy!ellie

HOW YOU CAN HELP PALESTINE | DO NOT BUY TLOU2 REMASTERED

cowboy!ellie who has a reputation of being an absolute asshole to everyone and anyone who looks her way

cowboy!ellie who wore heavy boots with spurs, thicker brown clothing and jeans that hugged her frame beautifully

cowboy!ellie who constantly wore a red, blue or brown flannel and a cowboy hat everywhere she went

cowboy!ellie who first meets you when she stops by your mom’s little bakery that you work at and gets a bunch of stares and hushed whispers from the people in the shop but you, sweet you, kindly ask her if she needs anything to just let you know

cowboy!ellie who is immediately enamored with your gentle voice and how oblivious you were to how intimating she was to most people — or you did know; you just didn’t care because of how pretty you think she is

cowboy!ellie who originally was just stopping by your town decides to stay around because of a certain kind girl who gives her samples of your famous almond croissants

cowboy!ellie who has a thick southern accent that makes your knees buckle

cowboy!ellie who gives you nicknames like ‘darlin’’, ‘sweetheart’, ‘doll’ and ‘baby’ to watch you fluster and stumble over your words

cowboy!ellie who takes you on your first date on her trusty horse ‘cosmo’ to a picnic she set up in a field for you

cowboy!ellie who (tries) ignores people giving you unsolicited advice about ‘who you were dating’ and how ‘these cowboy folk bring nothing but trouble’

cowboy!ellie who had shown you what its like to be cherished and cared for for the first time

cowboy!ellie who will promise you a good life because that’s what you deserve so you never have to lift a finger again (except to bake your favorite treats)

[livwritesstuff]

Have you talked about the girls’ first word yet? Would Steve and Eddie become competitive about it?

Oh they took it very serious, especially with Moe. They had a running bet and everything (the prize was bragging rights, because no amount of money is worth being their first baby’s first word).

Ultimately, Eddie won, which Steve thought was totally bogus because Eddie gets to be at home with her all day so obviously he was gonna be her first word. To make matters worse – she said it to Steve.

The three of them had been in the kitchen one morning, Moe clinging to Steve like she’d been doing lately when she’d pointed to where Eddie was standing at the stove making breakfast.

“Who’s that?” Steve had asked her “Is that…Dada?”

And Moe had looked right at Steve with her big brown eyes, gave him a cheeky smile, and said, “Dada!”

(Eddie waited for the initial excitement and pride to fade before gloating about it).

Robbie’s arrival brought about the bet again, but that time neither of them won because her first word was Moe.

Obviously, they realized afterwards, because Robbie was obsessed with her big sister, and it didn’t take long for her little chirps of Moe to turn into hi Moe and love Moe and where’s Moe?

It was so sweet that neither Steve nor Eddie were too bothered about losing the bet (and Moe does claim her well-earned bragging rights a good few years down the line).

Hazel turned out to be one of those kids who took her sweet time talking.

She could do animal sounds (foreshadowing, Eddie later called it), but not any actual words until she was a few months away from her second birthday.

Steve and Eddie had taken her on a drive around their town on the first really nice day of spring. They were driving past a local farm that let their cows and horses and goats roam around a fenced-in pasture when Hazel said, “I want to see the cows please, Papa.”

They’d been so perplexed that it wasn’t until after they stopped and said hello to the cows (because after that how could they not?) that they realized she’d said Papa.

[notebookqueenofnarnia]

Okay Demigods

now that Season 2 has been confirmed (!!!!!!!!!!) I am here to make my official appeal that you ALL read the books. and yes...i mean ALL the books. Because here is what you are missing if you don't:

(mostly spoiler free. mostly vibes and chaotic no context)

OG PERCY JACKSON

Percy's INCREDIBLE sarcasm

Lots of chaotic Mr. D moments

Percy's unending absolute obliviousness when it comes to: his own abilities/powers, his own feelings towards a certain daughter of Athena, and EVERYONE'S feelings towards him

the full list of Percy's felonies (it's longer than you think!)

how much Percy thinks about Annabeth, especially in the third book

The Hunters of Artemis (everyone's like 'which godly parent would you have?' but im like ??? who cares??? I'm running off with the girls to immortal to hunt men i mean monsters)

soooooooooo much Sally Jackson is the Best Mom (to everyone who walks through her door) content

BLACKJACK. TRANS ICON BLACKJACK THE PEGASUS.

Rachel. Elizabeth. Dare. (this is how the audiobook says her name every single time)

Paul Blofis

Sally Jackson, author

Poseidon: Blowfish?

HEROES OF OLYMPUS

If you don't read these books you are missing out on some of the coolest female characters Rick has created: PIPER (an iconic), HAZEL (unintentionally hilarious), REYNA (beautiful character arc), and ANNABETH's point of view will have you loving her on a whole other level, trust me

Also: COACH HEDGE

Leo

All The Ladies Love Leo

the audiobooks are INSANE. It felt like a full cast read the book, but no. it was just one insanely talented narrator.

FESTUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS (im a dragon girlie)

Personally, I spent a lot of time reading the OG 5 wondering about how Roman mythology plays into Percy's world. Uncle Rick answered my questions and answered them SO WELL

Hazel the horse girl

Frank the horsebirddolphinman

Frank, gentle himbo, my beloved son

MY FAVORITE SCENE WHICH INVOLVES PERCY NOT KNOWING HOW TO DRIVE, A HARPY, FRANK, AND HAZEL AND THEYRE ALL SCREAMING AND IM PRETTY SURE STUFF IS ON FIRE

Forced Proximity for 7 teenagers and one chaotically violent satyr (that's Coach Hedge)

Eros/Cupid being one the most genius things Rick's ever written

Percy's hate of Ares transcending god magic

(also his love of Annabeth, but that's like obvious)

PercabethPercabethPercabethPercabethPercabethPercabethPercabethPercabethPercabethPercabethPercabethPercabethPercabethPercabethPercabethPercabethPercabethPercabethPercabethPercabethPercabethPercabethPercabethPercabethPercabethPercabe

weird barely gnome things

this one giant whose name is definitely not pronounced like female anatomy

everyone thinking Percy and Annabeth are constantly getting up to the hanky panky

a statue made me cry

Gay Grumpy/Sunshine (or should that be Death/Sunshine) origins!!

TRIALS OF APOLLO

Apollo, vain himbo of godly proportions is forced to live as Lester Papadopoulos

Percy: why

a very chaotic twelve year old daughter of Demeter

she commands Apollo around

plant magic

terrible great haikus at the start of every chapter

Sally Jackson being the best mom to everyone who comes to her door

magic shoes

a sassy magic prophetic arrow that talks in Shakespearean English

so much gay grumpydeath/sunshine content

also yes sunshine's dad is Apollo

Apollo sings

Grover! Piper! Reyna! Hazel! All the friends! Everyone

Jason! (also im sorry)

what if there were some trees who were an elite squad of warriors who also answer to the chaotic twelve year old

gay moms of the midwest

unicorns

in the last book, chiron takes the campers on a 'field trip' to help take down the big baddie and he shows up dressed as a warrior soccer mom with granola bars, water bottles, and extra swords attached to his fanny pack

a different chaotic twelve year old while fighting to the death in a building that's on fire: "CAN WE GO ON FIELD TRIPS EVERY WEEK?"

chiron: "ROSE DEAR RAISE YOUR SWORD A LITTLE HIGHER!"

okay im not going to spoil it but in the last book there is also this extremely horrifyingly violent moment that Uncle Rick somehow turns into one of the most hilarious things i've ever read

Piper in the epilogue

CHALICE OF THE GODS

more insanely funny percy first person narration

Grover, Percy, Annabeth reunite ("the gang is back together!" "The three musketeers!" "Shrek, Fiona, and Donkey!" "Excuse me?")

have you met the god of himbos? (Percy has)

SO

MANY

EASTER

EGGS

for Season one. you can totally see how Uncle Rick worked on the script and chalice together

if you liked Annabeth shoving Percy into the water....this one is for you

Percy, supreme god of snakes

the cutest cutest cutest cutest Percabeth content you will ever read

hippie gods (yes more than one)

Percy is literally obsessed with Annabeth

Annabeth already being the Jackson daughter in law

Sally Jackson and Paul and

For the record: You CAN read Chalice of the Gods without reading the other series, but please please please read all these books. The audiobooks are phenomenal.

[ruegarding]

anyway here's my rant:

despite her comment in son, hazel doesn't have much adhd/dyslexia coding. her treatment at st agnes has more to do w being a black girl in the 1930's and her powers/curse than her possible adhd/dyslexia, considering she never mentions any symptoms specific to adhd or dyslexia in her backstory. the closest things are her interest in horses, which could be considered a hyper-fixation, and her flashbacks, which could be argued as daydreaming associated w inattentive adhd. furthermore, her powers could easily be used as a commentary on masking similar to the general attitude towards her vs other dead ppl (she looks alive, so she deserves to be alive, unlike all these other ppl who went thru the doors of death). overall, interesting set up, not expanded upon in canon.

similarly, the only time piper is ever implied to have adhd is in that boo scene, which doesn't hold much weight bc it's a general statement in an impersonal pov (as opposed to "piper was only able to keep track bc of her adhd/demigod abilities," still in third person pov, but a more personalized statement). this post began as a quest to answer the question "how does piper's adhd manifest," and the answer is "uhhhhhhhhhhh."

continuing w the trend, jason is never implied to have adhd or dyslexia at all. would have been interesting to see, considering jason has the whole gifted-kid-burn-out thing going on, but alas.

i'm not including the statement annabeth makes abt demigods typically having one or both and hazel's statement abt "just being a demigod," bc it's also established that it's not a requirement. the fandom wiki claims frank is the only demigod to not have adhd: if "just being a demigod" means that every demigod has adhd/dyslexia, then frank, inarguably, has adhd/dyslexia, as well.

more importantly, in a story where adhd and dyslexia are explicitly addressed and considered the cornerstone of the world building, i need it to be explicitly said that a character has adhd/dyslexia in order to give credit to canon (my personal hcs are a different story).

so, it seems like leo is the only one out of the lost trio w adhd or dyslexia, and it's only adhd. he frequently references things he's reading and shows no issue doing so, given that it's in a language he understands.

interestingly, leo claims "he couldn’t read ancient greek" in hoh, so it could be that the ease w learning ancient greek (and potentially latin) is exclusive to those w dyslexia. however, this has been as inconsistent as the actual dedication to giving demigods adhd and/or dyslexia. for example, chiron says the ability is "in their blood" in tlh w no mention of dyslexia, but in tlt annabeth says percy has dyslexia bc "[his] mind is hardwired for ancient greek."

the only character to bring up how dyslexia affects them in hoo is percy, making it seem like his dyslexia is much worse than annabeth's, the only other character who we know is dyslexic (from pjo, it's never mentioned in hoo). if leo is "seriously adhd," then percy is seriously dyslexic. something to be said how they're both treated as comic relief in fandom, considering.

frank not being diagnosed despite his dyspraxia coding could be used as a commentary on medical racism and the model minority stereotype. since frank is exclusively listed as the only demigod to not have either diagnosis and his dyspraxia coding eventually disappears, it doesn't appear that that was the intention.

moving to a more theoretical discussion, it's hard to say what is/is not definitively adhd/dyslexia symptoms, specifically using canon, considering we rarely see any of the demigods acting "normal." the majority of the time, they're on a quest/in an extreme situation. contrast w pjo, where we learn things abt percy's adhd and dyslexia while he's at school, a relatively normal situation, and then can apply it to the rest of the series. w hoo, it's almost all guesswork.

leo mentions that his adhd affects his memory, so we know that similar moments can be attributed to his adhd. but is hazel forgetting part of sciron's story a symptom of adhd or just a normal thing that happens bc forgetting things in stressful situations is normal? is jason's seemingly permanent amnesia a symptom of the memory wipe or is it exacerbated by adhd? is piper's aversion to feminine clothing and make up caused by sensory issues? we'll never know, bc they're never said to have adhd.

[punkeropercyjackson]

Percy Jackson has tgirl swag

Potrayed as the best hero ever in-universe because she defies traditional manhood and it's just who she is and can't help being which doubles as autistic/audhd with no masking ability coding and irl transfeminism and autism largely overlap

Nonstop abused by men her whole life and a mama's girl who's friends were all girls growing up except an effeminate boy she stood up for against bullies and has a magic mental link with from how close they are in completely platonic friendship and a canon gay boy who had a crush on her until he realized she's not the ideal man he thought she was and she compared her treatment of him to acting like a/her mom and they have the middle brother/eldest daughter dynamic

Wears hoodies all the time

Dad is Poseidon-the sea has a lot of femininity to it and he told her 'the sea does not like to be restrained'

Punk but subculturally instead of an aesthetic poser

Gender envy towards Thalia and Annabeth,who is punk in lifestyle AND aesthetic and who is described as 'like a princess'(Poseidon is the king of Atlantis so Percy is an actual princess)

Thalia has tgirl swag too and Annabeth is played by Leah Jeffries in the show while Book!Percy is black-coded

Dated Rachel,a girlypop neurotic activist artist,but they broke up on good terms and became even closer friends afterwards

Horse girl with a transmasc Horse(Blackjack was a mare in Som but a stallion in TTC)

Her foil,Luke,is a physically abled allistic conventionally attractive blonde blue eyed cishet white man that constantly talked down to her about how he's more of a radicalist than her and had a harder life even though he was sheltered in a literal fantasy land for years where everybody worshipped him while Percy grew up friendless,poor,abused by her stepdad and bullied at her schools to the point she got kicked of 6 at 12 for how much of a bully beater she was and is an anarchist and intersectionalist with an overt sense of community and 11+ books worth of street cred and he was also a serial pedophile and had a lot of subtext of being into her and parallels to his relathionships with his other victims

Her other side of the same coin is Jason,an ex-wolfkid turned dorky team dad who's a paragon of positive and healthy masculininity and his arc is about creating a new self after loosing his old one everybody in his original life knows but he dosen't and they instantly became best friends with romantic chemistry out of being opposites yet the same and their friends poke fun at them for how obvious and quickly they got attached and they're black cat gf x golden retriver bf,Team Parents,hothead gf x chill bf and most popular guy x outcast girl where the girl is actually way cooler and Jason's butch ex-girlfriend said Percy is unimpressive in terms of masculinity compared to him

And Percy's other pseudo-kid(and Jason's)alongside Nico is Hazel,who's got the classic 'ressurection as a metaphor for transition' storyline and her femininity including how she acts alongside the gender presentation part is baby black transfem supreme and her life was basically a 40s version of Percy's earlier life

Loves burgers,skateboarding and cartoons

Obsessed with blue,considered a 'boy' color but it comes from her mom

Would totes have a blahaj and a strong video games interest.You see it too,right?

Men describe her as intimidating and off-putting,women describe her as enchanting and comforting(/ref to that fish meme)

Implied to want to present femininely at multiple points but dosen't reach out of fear of being ridiculed because she's 'supposed' to be male

Is the 'cool hot alt girl with a snarky bitter outside and a soft gooey inside who's the Team Mom and super capable and experienced' trope

But everybody in the fandom turns her into the 'Just Some Boy dumbass boyloser manchild' trope so they can deny she's unconventional and expectional

Named Percy.Percy isn't a greek name or a geek name,it's a girl name

[yourclumsyguardianangel]

the seven + a few others future headcanons

percy:

becomes a high school teacher

teaches high school marine biology (idk how it is in other schools but when we hit sophomore year we got to choose different bio classes ie: marine bio, ag bio, med bio + regular bio)

also teaches the mythology elective and is the swim team coach

annabeth:

we already know this queen is an architect with obvious inspiration from greek architecture

learns how to make blue food for percy and their kids from sally

has traveled all over the world looking at different architecture

learns the basics of many languages so shes able to communicate with the locals

her and leo team up to build a small school near camp half-blood for year rounders so everyone can learn consistently but dw they get summers off

piper:

love her but shes a nepo baby

she doesnt act like it tho

”are you tristan mcleans daughter?” “who?”

loves her dad to bits but does not like being seen out in public by the paparazzi

marries shel, they dont have kids tho, neither of them want to bring any into the world especially with america’s downfall and the government erasing women and poc rights

is basically leos big sister atp

leo:

him and calypso dont last, maybe a year and a half in they split bc calypso wants to explore the world and leo is very emotionally unstable and calypso has a hard time understanding

they end on good terms but dont ever talk unless its with a group of friends

he goes into a trade to become a mechanic and owns his own shop

starts smoking cigarettes/vaping

his friends dont really approve but they understand he cant quit just yet as hes not in a mental space to do so

goes to therapy with a psychologist whos a demigod that specializes in grieving and war trauma

they all go to therapy but hes the last one to do it

he’s still the ‘happy go lucky’ guy hes always been but as he gets closer w the others they start to see the true sadness in him

piper and him grow a lot closer after jason died and have a big sister little brother relationship

hazel:

my girl stays at camp jupiter

takes nicos place at camp

horse trainer

her and frank also dont work out as a romantic relationship, they felt that the age gap was too much after frank turned 18 and hazel was 15 theyre still friends tho

hazel often visits leo in his shop

as much as leo reminds her of sammy, through therapy she has recognized that theyre separate people and to not push all her past feelings for sammy onto leo

not only does she train horses but she also teaches little kids basic math, science, and history to the younger kids

they all call her ms. hazel

she prefers to teach the really young kids (age 4-7)

wears her hair in different braid styles after BOO

frank:

my friggin HOMIE

i relate to frank a lot personality wise

therefore i think hed be a 4/20 fanatic after BOO

hes not stoned during training or during important camp duties

but otherwise you try talkin to him and you dont really notice until you look and see the far off look and red eyes and he just goes “huh?”

other than that hes a great leader

after he gets his cool new look from mars he takes really good care of his body including consistent exercise and eating really healthily (maybe he has a soft spot for fast food when hes hi)

him joining the military does not make sense to me

he lost his mom to war, and he was in one himself, idk about you but i would not wanna join the military after being the main character in a war

he studies to be a veterinarian for exotic animals

when no one is around he shifts into the animal to find out whats wrong

”dr. zhang prefers to work by himself” “why” “idk but hes always right, if it aint broke dont fix it”

jason:

rip home-slice

nico:

my other homie

my guy does not get taller than 5’8

stays at camp during the summer to train the new and old kids

him and will get a house together

teaches history at the camp school

cat dad (5 cats and counting)

will:

takes nicos last name when they marry bc its cooler

him being a doctor doesnt click w me i more picture him being an EMT

EMTs are hotter anyways

does med training with new apollo kids whenever he gets time

if he’s not busy during working hours he drops by nicos classroom w his fav drink from dutch bros (starbucks is MID) and hangs out with him and his students

[bayetea]

ms hazel levesque does not get nearly enough acknowledgement in the fandom for having one of the most (if not actually the most, which it is imo) utterly insane and devastating backstories in the entire pjo series like what do u mean u are a little black girl who lived through the jim crow era who is cursed with the power to summon evil gemstones that your mother uses for financial gain even though you know that they bring great harm to anyone they encounter and then your mother gets possessed into forcing you to summon an evil deity from tartarus (btw your mom berates you for being the cause of her misery and your dad is a deadbeat god who is the reason that you are in this position) only to have to sacrifice your life and your mother's life and literally die to protect the world (a racist world that allows your oppression and considers you subhuman i must add) and then you are brought back to life by a half brother named nico di angelo (angsty white boy who has never had a full night's sleep in his life) that you never knew you had and then you once again have to reengage in a perilous life-or-death struggle to protect the world in the modern era knowing that everything you loved is now in the past and you are haunted by blackouts that retraumatize you over and over (you are also at risk of dying again when the doors of death must close)

all she wanted to do was draw and ride horses man

[what-the-heck-is-rwby]

I KNEW THAT WAS GONNA BE THE END

I FUCKING KNEW IT

YOU COULDN'T ASK FOR A BETTER FUCKING CLIFFHANGER

WELL

THAT WAS A FUCKING EPISODE

Oscar left home and got on the train. Hazel saw him, and is apparently not someone to be trifled with. Hooray

Ruby FINALLY venting!! FINALLY letting out that she blames herself for this, and Jaune being the best friend a girl could ask for and VALIDATING HER TRAUMA AND BELIEVING IN HER

AND THEN REN'S WHOLE FUCKING TRAUMATIC ANIME BACKSTORY!! AND PART OF NORA'S ALTHOUGH CLEARLY THERE'S MORE GOING ON WITH HER!!

An and Li Ren seemed like great freaking parents. Kind, loving, the whole nine yards. AND THEN THE GRIMM HAD TO COME AND FUCKING RUIN IT!!

FUCKING GIANT HORSE MAN THING?! FUCKING HOUSE COLLAPSING ON TOP OF REN AND KILLING HIS MOTHER FIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM?! FUCKING DAD FALLING AND GIVING HIM THE KNIFE AND COVERING HIS ESCAPE SO REN WOULD LIVE?!

REN'S SEMBLANCE??!

BEING BRAVE DESPITE HIS FEAR?! GIVING NORA HER HAMMER?! INSTRUMENTAL FUCKING COVER OF BOOP?!

AND THEN THEM BOTH FINDING OUT THAT THE BIG GUY IS ON ITS WAY TO KILL BOTH OF THEIR FRIENDS

FUCKING SHIT FUCK

I HAVE NO MORE TEARS TO GIVE

I HAVE NO MORE WORDS TO SAY

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING AND SUFFERING WITH ME, FUCKING CHRIST, THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING ON PATREON, ALL THE EVERYTHING, I WANT TO DIE

I'LL BE ON THE DISCORD TO SCREAM, MAYBE, AND IF NOT I'LL BE BACK NEXT FRIDAY

FUCKING SHIT

NO IF YOU EXCUSE ME I HAVE TO GO LAY DOWN FOR A MILLION YEARS

[moa-broke-me]

PJO characters as gods:

So there was a post going around about the idea of PJO characters being treated as gods in a thousand years or so, and I like the idea, but some of the godly placements felt a little off to me LOL, so I decided to make my own pantheon. (not sure how to order these, lol)

-

Percy: God of the ocean and all its creatures, of water in general, hurricanes, earthquakes, cities, family, and horses. Titles: The savior of Olympus, the good son, the loyal husband, retriever of the bolt, king of the gods. Sacred items: Stuffed animals, particularly bears (panda pillow pet), any item colored blue, but especially food, like candy or cookies, bull horns, and pens. Sacred animals: All marine life, the black pegasus, the black dog, and the ophiotaurus.

Annabeth: Goddess of war, strategy, intelligence, wisdom, practical knowledge, civilization and the building of houses, the study of history, and the mind. Titles: The general, the architect, favored child of Athena, queen of the gods. Sacred items: Knives, rings, clay beads, coral, silver, and popcorn. Sacred animal: The owl.

Clarisse: Goddess of war, revenge, anger fueled by love, triage and midwifery. Titles: The eager soldier, slayer of the drakon, retriever of the golden fleece. Sacred items: Spears and weapons in general, wool/fleece, and chariots. Sacred animal: The boar. Often depicted bloodstained, charging into battle without armor.

Frank: God of war, animals, change, the transition from boyhood to manhood, of the duality between strength and gentleness. Titles: The reluctant soldier, the changeling lord, the young praetor. Sacred items: Bows and arrows, playing cards (mythomagic), charred wood, and a silver medallion on a red string (the canadian sacrifice medal) Sacred animals: The bear and the bee, both the most common depictions of him as an animal.

Reyna: Goddess of war, patriotism, fidelity, independence, leadership, strength, sorority, and resilience. Titles: The shield, the politician, guardian of Athena (bc the athena parthenos). Sacred items: Cloaks, gold, silver, and oat cakes (oatmeal cream pies). Sacred animal: The hound. Often depicted either shielding a little boy with her cloak or braiding hair with her older sister.

Hazel: Goddess of jewels, caves, broken curses, witchcraft and the mist, art, death and escape thereof. Titles: The princess of the underworld, the queen of magick, the illusionist, the dead girl who rose again. Sacred items: Schist (because... obviously), pencils and oil pastels, gold, shrimp stew (because gumbo), Tarot cards, and caramel candy. Sacred animals: The horse, the stoat, and the black cat. Often depicted either drawing or riding horseback, usually with her older brother, but sometimes alone or accompanied by her husband or one of her friends.

Nico: God of darkness and shadows, death, decay, loss, longing, love of all kinds, language, diplomacy and forgiveness, insomniacs, immigrants and orphans, mourners and outcasts, and sewing. Titles: The bereaved, king of the underworld, the ghost king, the romantic, deliverer of Athena (again, the statue, not the actual goddess). Sacred items: Playing cards (mythomagic), soft suede leather, fried bits of chicken (mcnuggets), sewing supplies, oat cakes (again, oatmeal cream pies), Posca (not the pen; the drink. it's like an ancient roman gatorade), pomegranates, anything colored green or black, and memento mori rings. Sacred animals: The bat, cerberus, unicorns (because unicorn draught), all stray animals, and any animals or insects that feed on carrion. Commonly depicted either weeping or accompanying his little sister or husband. (@yonemurishiroku you're gonna love this one)

Bianca: Minor goddess of death, darkness, rebirth and reincarnation, sisterhood, and the hunt. Titles: The broken promise, thief of the forge, slayer of Talos. Sacred items: a carved statuette of her father, and a bow and arrow. Sacred animals: None. Most often depicted climbing onto the back of Talos, or comforting/bickering with her little brother.

Will: God of medicine, light, summer, and the sun. Title: The healer, the sun. Sacred items: Candy bars, medical equipment, lamps, summer fruits, and anything colored yellow. Sacred animal: The cat.

Thalia: Goddess of lightning and storms, maidenhood, the moon, the night sky, wilderness and the hunt. Titles: Queen of the skies, the hunter, guardian of sanctuary. Sacred items: Leather, golden fleece, the severed heads of dolls (bc of the 'barbie is dead tshirt), and pine trees. Sacred animal: The black eagle. Commonly depicted dressed in black and silver, behind a shield emblazoned with a terrifying face.

Jason: God of clear skies and wind, daylight, law, leadership and fatherhood, heroic sacrifice, child soldiers and the military. Titles: Prince of the skies, the retired praetor, the golden boy. Sacred items: Eyeglasses, dense chocolate cakes (brownies), peaches, swords, silver wire (staples), bricks, and feathers. Sacred animal: The wolf. Often depicted with a spear lodged in his back.

Piper: Goddess of love, the heart, beauty in all its forms, charisma, music, wealth, and fame. Titles: Beauty queen, the snake charmer, the dove, the silver tongue. Sacred items: Knives, jewelry, anything colored in pink or light purple. Sacred animals: The dove.

Silena: Minor goddess of love, specifically first love, regret, noble sacrifice, grieving widows, and disguise. Titles: The young lover, the spy, the bleeding heart. Sacred item: Armor. Sacred animal: None. Often depicted wearing armor while lying on her back, bleeding.

Drew: Minor goddess of beauty and adolescence. Title: The betrayed. Sacred items: Seashells, seafoam, cosmetics, perfume, and really anything with a strong, pleasant scent, like herbs, flowers, or incense. Sacred animals: None. (side note, I made up most of this just because canon gave us Literally Nothing)

Leo: God of fire and the forge, machines, invention, humor, cookery, and runaway children. Titles: The engineer, the orphan, builder of the Argo, the forge, the devil, and the trickster. Sacred items: Tools, oil, cinnamon, cooking utensils, and bronze. Sacred animal: The dragon.

Charles: Minor god of the forge, blacksmithery, and fallen soldiers. Title: Courage of the gods, the young lover. Sacred items: Canned fruit, promise rings, and green fire. Sacred animals: None.

Tyson: Minor god of blacksmiths and the ocean, specifically underwater volcanoes. Titles: General of the Cyclopes, the rising mountain, brother of Percy. Sacred items: Peanuts (because peanut butter), shields, watches and clocks (because of that watch that becomes a shield that he made for Percy), ships, and canons. Sacred animals: None.

Grover: God of animals, nature, wilderness, music, empathy and emotional sensitivity, and the young. Titles; The protector, the searcher. Sacred items: Pan flutes, walking sticks (those crutches he used to blend in), flowers, cheese (bc of the enchiladas), apples, and any kind of plant life. Sacred animal: The goat. Often depicted as half-goat-half-human, sometimes wearing a wedding dress.

Rachel: Goddess of wealth, youth, rebellion, nature, art, hedonism and impulse, and prophecy. Sacred items: Hairbrushes, art, and art supplies. Sacred animal: The yellow bellied armadillo.

Sally: Goddess of the hearth, motherhood, writing and literature, women, and survivors of abuse. Titles: The sculptor, the author, the victor, the good mother, queen among women. Sacred items: food, especially the blue kind, and books. Sacred animal: The snake. Often depicted either holding a little boy behind her or holding up the head of medusa.

If there's any character you want me to do next, please tell me!

[rubyfa]

So concept, epic mission to make the seven as queer as possible because real life reasons we need not get into. This will have retroactive stuff not just stuff that applies to heroes of olympus.

Percy: Bisexual trans girl. Spends too much time describing how hot men are to be straight. And I read her self esteem issues as partially caused by gender dysphoria. So as a result after becoming aware of what trans is transitions via magic herbal methods provided by Mr. D during Titan's Curse for some 'Will Annabeth like the new me?' angst. Still goes by Percy but has disowned Perseus cause Percy has some GNC swag that fits her vibe.

Annabeth: Bisexual. Spoilers she likes the new Percy cause the way she looks at Thalia is definitely not straight. Percabeth is Bi4Bi but not T4T cause Annabeth is too middle of the road girl for me to see it. Still gets to be doomed yuri though.

Jason: Bi+ while technically not a queer category furry. You're telling me this man was raised by wolves since he was a toddler and he's the normal one? Absolutely not. He's a little freak and we love him for it.

Leo: Gay. All the ladies love Leo but Leo does not love all the ladies. Also canonize valgrace while we're at it.

Piper: Still a lesbian. Hera/Juno stinky and stuck her with a man. Terrible woman. Anyway yeah.

Frank: Transfem lesbian. Percy recovers her memories and tells Frank and Hazel about being born a boy and Frank goes 'Wait that's an option?' and her powers do the rest. Probably chooses a new name but Francine does not fit her chubby teddy bear vibe. Also she gets to stay chubby. Fat≠unhealthy so she can be as strong as a bear without looking like a bodybuilder.

Hazel: Bi. Horse girls like women it's a universal truth.

[toussainttwins]

“You are implying that all beautiful things may shatter.” Eyes of hazel gilded in flecked crimson sharpen, the previous glimmer of welcoming mirth ripped away with the slight lower of a brow. Feigned or not. And yet, a smile remained curled within gentle features, and it is so that it broadens ever so slightly. A witch made to show her teeth, unafraid to bloody them with the red of the flayed man if she so pleased. She was a witch, the next thing to a God, and she was not fragile, and she would never break. And so she gives her a smile, with the fold of hands at her torso. “And yet- I have heard that beauty often hide claws.” And mine are as long and sharp as yours.

As she would chuckle for the moment. “Yet I am glad you are here.” As she leaned forward and would look right at her for the moment, hand raising to her face and cupping her cheek for the time being, before one hand moved to her skirt and would pull upon it, pulling up the crimson silks, to show her, the hazel fur, the softest brown fur there ever was, along with the hooves that where on the ground. “How do you walk like this.” As her tail flickered back and forth, as she was beautiful in every single way. But her curse, of all those years ago, with turning lovers into horses, had bitten her back, and this was the result, she was like the little lamb, hiding right in plain sight.

Who could blame a maiden that sought the help of a witch? It was as common in fairy-tales, as it was in daily life, only in the latter girls had a much more meagre desires and the payment was, as a result, less demanding. But for Natanis her cause seemed as dire as all the woes of princesses of earth and parchment combined. The petite succubus would trade anything for the happy ending of her tale, and thusly one day she put all the wisdom aside, donned a fancy travelling cape in a shade of a dryad's embrace for a good luck, locked the doors of the shop as tightly as she locked the fear out of her own heart and went to seek the Daughter of Kaedwenian Wilderness. Luckily, the infamous sorceress resided not as far as her moniker suggested, and it took the horned beauty but a short trip to the border. Yet her pretty hoofs burned with hurry, as if she was dancing thought a garden of knives, like that unhappy little siren... "Oh, I am glad too, sangbonbon!" Sabrina's smile left a hollow taste down her throat. It yearned and it burned, but not for her kisses, not for her flesh. It seemed like a tainted mirror of the crimson flower that burned inside her own chest. But was such a terrible miracle even possible? Regardless, a sorceress you know was better than a sorceress who would like to gobble you up alive... Natanis gulped, but did not let her own relieved smile flicker.

"Beautiful things may shutter...if they are left alone in this world, if there is no one to cradle their heart in their arms. For what would beauty mean, if it shone only for itself? Claws can't fight solitude." the petite succubus hurried the words out of her mouth, terrible and ugly, for all the fear they were laced with underneath. Natanis was afraid, but not of Sabrina Glevissig - not that she didn't recognize teeth and claws even if they were but lovely names for grisly weapons - of her own thoughts. Of her...loss she was afraid to put into speech. "Oh..." a plump hand flew towards the horned beauty's mouth. She looked up and down the flame-haired sorceress figure, up and down again and..broke into a genuine, sugar-sweet smile and a squeal of delight. "What a beauty you are, mistress Sabrina! Why, a fur of such a shade, like golden-chestnut-of-3-wishes... the softness of a dream, and to the eyes alone! Hoofs strong and shiny! almost as pretty as mine! And a tail..." Natanis, the weight of her iron-heavy woe lifted from the dainty shoulders for a moment, circled the newly-cursed - blessed! - sorceress-succubus, like a clockwork toy - rapid and loud with many gasping praises, sharp to the details with the eyes of a seamstress.

"Ah, do your new, charming hoofs give you any pain? It must be the cobblestones! They are a torture once you change the soft earth of the forest for the joys of the cities!" the vivacious twin shook her golden curls in sympathy, gasped again as if remembrance of something vital shoot her through the very heart and snatched a tiny, silver-clasped notebook, seemingly out of thin-air. The movement was so nimble, one could call it magic, whence it was a sleight of hand and a silver chain of a chatelain, hidden amidst the fold of the dress to blame. "I shall make a special skirt for you, with a long train, as long as a cloud on an autumn day, so it would hide your hoofsteps from the prying eyes when you walk in all your beauty!" @fallesto

[freddie-77-ao3]

Percy Jackson-esque Chapter Titles for a fic i'm writing:

We have friends in holy places (and unholy- Hello Lady Hera!)

What’s Up, Random Person, We’re Kidnapping and Adopting You

Yeah, The Beach Is Nice- Thank You For Not Drowning Us

Hazel Was Dead and Still Knows More Than You

Thank Fuck For The Egyptian- How the Hell Did We End Up In Great Britain

Annabeth Is Obsessed and Bianca Is Possessed- There Goes Christmas

Question Of Our Lives and Today Especially: What The Hell Is Going On?!

Now Would Be A Good Time To Be Anyone Else

Call The Police Because We May Have Just Murdered A Mortal

Ask And You Shall Receive… Sometime In The Next Twenty Years Probably

A Guinea Pig, A Dandelion, A Pine Tree, An Olive Tree and Two Embarrassed Girls Walk Into A Bar  

Satan Or Santa? Neither Should Exist And Yet Somehow They’re Both Knocking On Our Tent Door

A Slight Reprieve From The Last Chapter: Connor Comes For You With The Question ‘Do Tents Have Doors?’

And We’re Back, Why Did You Guys Think Our R&R Would Last Long?

Sugar, Spice, Almost Dying Twice (Today)

Would You Put ‘Cheating Death Almost Daily’ Under Experience Or Special Skills?

An Inspirational Trip Through Hell- Persephone Makes Good Brownies

Those Commercials Where People Screw Up The Most Basic Of Tasks In The Most Idiotic Fashion Ever Describes The Current Situation

As The Prophecy Foretold (We Made It Up, But It Came True)

Living Normally? In This Economy?

And Then The Wolves Came… Sike (Thank Fuck)

The Snails Paced Chocolate Bunny Gives Mixed Messages But Good Cereal

What The Hades Is Going On, Someone Explain

Apparently Exploding A Volcano Makes Us 'Irresponsible’

Why Are Cats So Vengeful 

Oh Look! An Unhelpful Old Person!

The Adults Are More Annoying Than Leo Valdez and Nico Di Angelo Put Together

They Scream For Ice Cream, I Scream For Sanity

McDonald’s And Raising The Dead- Tuesday Never Looked So Good

Unfortunately, I’m Still Not Dead Or A Dolphin (Not For Lack Of Effort)

Eggs Apparently Don’t Like Being Lost At Sea

I’m Packing Up My Crayons And Leaving

Viva La Pluto, Fuck You Guys

A Guide To Giving Up

Hopefully We Can Do This Without Dying This Time

Lady Dirt Face Fucks Us Over- Apparently Today CAN Get Worse

Apparently The Horse Is A God, And Honestly, Fuck The World- But Not You Potty Sludge

If Love Is In The Air Then We’re Wearing Gas Masks- How We Almost Started A War On Accident

If Love Is An Open Door We Should Close It- Aphrodite And Cupid Both Suck

Vegan Ice Cream Sandwiches For One

I Call Shotgun (Said The Invisible Girl  and The Literal Ghost)

I Fucked My Way Into This Mess, I’ll Fuck My Way Out Of It

Things Go Horribly Wrong (Or Horribly Right? It’s Hard To Tell At This Point)

The Fine Art Of Bullshit

We Are Being Hunted And Killed (Why Is This Normal And How Can We Stop It?)

Previously On ‘The Chaos Chronicles”

Cool, Cool, Cool, Cool. Actually It’s Not- Who Lit Katie’s Hair On Fire?!

I’d Like To Say This Is Shocking, But That Would Just Be A Lie

One Hundred And One Monsters, And Twenty Times A Therapist Was Needed

I Am Honestly Surprised That We Are Still Alive, And Apparently So Are The Gods

You Will Never Be A God

Blackmail Only Works If I Care

An Offer I Can Definitely Refuse

Hush Little Baby, Don’t You Cry, You’ll Give Away Our Location, And Then We’ll Die

Only Come Back With Back Up Or A Burger- Maybe Donuts

Doomsday Or Not, Let Me Go Back To Bed, I Haven’t Slept In A Week And I Don’t Care

Practise Doesn’t Make Perfect, Practise Makes A Forest Fire And A Flood

Sea Foam Speaks and A New Person Shatters My Dreams

The Labyrinth Apparently Doesn’t Murder The Already Dead, So Can We Just Die Already?

For A Moment I Forgot Gravity, And As It Seems So Did The Sky, Which Is Good Because I’d Hate To Die Before Breakfast

And God Told Us To Run A Marathon- What Happened To Normal Executions?

At Some Point The Universe Just Needs To Kill Us

There Is Not Enough Faith For This, 

No Words Can Explain Dan, The God Of Moths and Accidental Demon Summoning 

 The Endless and Mysterious Ocean Becomes A Bit Less So, And I Should Have Paid For Diving Lessons

If Best Plus Bitter Equal Better, Then I Am Way Better Than Everyone

Firecrackers And Actual Crackers- Where Is The Cheese

He Likes Art. Terrible Art, But Still Art So I Suppose I’ll Forgive The Sword Through My Head

Hazel Drives Worse Than Thalia Which Says A Lot Because Thalia Crashed Into A Lake- Oh Wait

What Do You Do When The World Almost Ends- And No Nico, The Answer Isn’t Go To McDonalds

This Wasn’t Supposed To Happen (Just Like Me)

Can I Rewrite My Life Story, Because If So I’m Starting With This

I Wasn’t Prepared For Parenthood When I Stopped A Kidnapping, I’m Seven

Patting My Own Back, No One Appreciates Me, Fuck This And Really The Rest Of My Life

Apparently Dying Is Not An Excuse For Being Late, So Fuck You Too 

Buying Happy Meals For The Dead Isn’t An Excuse For Being Late

Caped God? I Was Hoping You Had Said Cape Cod

Incoherent Screaming Is Our Theme Song, And I Feel A New Episode On

Who Told Apollo He Could Give Us Presents, Because MCR Is Not A Proper Wake Up Call

It’s Jesus Who Ruined Our Lives This Time, Folks

Don’t Awaken The Ancient One, She Has Anxiety

I Did Not Know That Could Kill Someone, But You Learn Something New Every Day

The Gods Themselves Want Me Dead, You’re Not Special, Todd

Doritos And Death, A How To On Properly Waking And Raising The Dead Featuring A Trip To Alaska

What Was I Thinking? I’m Pretty Certain I Wasn’t

News To No One: The Previously Dead Can’t Drive

I Really Hate Saving The World Actually

How Many Times Is That Threat Going To Work Considering It’s Not Serious? A Surprising Number

Everyone Asks Who We Are, Not How We Are, And Honestly I’m Pretty Hungry

The Gods Hate Me And I Don’t Know Why (I Do Know Why, But I Don’t Care, And Honestly They Shouldn’t Either)

 Which Circle Of Hell Are We In Now, Because I Was Not Planning On A Field Trip To Tartarus

We Master The Elements (Some Of Them- We Also Torch And Flood New England)

In Which We Almost Die Again And No One Bats An Eye

 Our Lives Would Be Incredibly Saddening If We Could Sit Down And Look At Them, But Leo Burned Our Chairs 

The Houseplants Try To Eat Us, And Katie Gets Mad

We Babysit For A God, And Then Adopt His Kids- Surprisingly He’s Fine With This

Dreams Do Come True And That Is Absolutely Not A Good Thing

There Goes My Best Bargaining Chip (Oh And Also His Head)

A Series Of Horrible Decisions- Who Decided I Was The Leader

Hylla, Please Don’t Leave Us- Oh, You Can Give Us A Box Of Cereal? Nevermind 

Sunshine And Rainbows Are Meant To Mean Happiness Not War- Iris and Apollo Destroy Things

Please Don’t Hit Me With Another Brick

We Were Happy And Then There Was A Giant Pigeon

Oh My Holy Fucking Shit That Was Not The Right Lever

In Which Swimming With Sharks Almost Leads To Death And Yet Saves Our Lives

There Is No Highway To Hell As It Turns Out, Only Backroads, And Now Nico And Thalia Are Disappointed

And Then The Sky Almost Crushed Us Because It Fell And Honestly I’m Never Trusting You Again

There Goes Normal Society, Say Bye-Bye, Miranda 

Are We Supposed To Live Through This?

The Dick Who Hands Out Toothbrushes Also Assigns Us A Death Quest And This Is Why We Don’t Celebrate Holidays

Sorry For Cursing You Out, Please Fix My Life

The Plan Checks Out- We Can Do This! (Spoiler Alert- We Can’t)

Three Hundred And Sixty Five Times We Can Say Fuck In A Hour

Please Let Me Pass Out On Your Lawn

Apparently Yelling Fuck At The Sky Is Considered ‘Disrespectful’ And I Haven’t A Fucking Clue Why

Yes Sir, That Is A Lot Of Blood, And No Sir, She Doesn’t Need That Leg

That One Time We Accidentally End Up In The Slaughter Sea, And How That Manages To End Up With A New Leader Of The Amazon Empire And Thalia Gets A Girlfriend

Yes, I’m Aware I Look Gay, Thank You Very Much, I’m Here To Be Queer

This Person Is Nico di Angelo With Less Shits To Give, And Honestly That Scares Me

A Good Idea With Bad Results And A Bad Idea With Surprising Results- The Ending Will Astound You

Never Thought I’d Literally Be Shut In The Closet Again, But Life’s Full Of Surprises

One Million Pounds Of Oranges And Sadness, Sixty Thousand Pounds Of Mangos, And A Truck Full Of Happiness- Monsters Not Welcome

Who Packed The Blueberry Muffins?

Nevertheless She Persisted, And Yet Just Like That, She Gave Up

What The Hell Is This, What The Hell Is That, Why The Hell Am I Here, What The Hell, *Moonwalks Into Hell*: A Brief Summary Of Life

All Is Fair In Being The First One In The Shower

We Accidentally Summon An Army Of Lost Souls

All Our Nightmares Come True And We Prove We’re Idiots

Life Gave ‘Lia Lemons. She Squeezed Them In My Eyes. Please No More Lemons.

Trying To Play Nice To The Gods Never Ends Well. In Other Words, Percy Is An Olive Tree

What’s Happening? I’m Digging My Own Grave, That’s What

Finger Guns, Peace Signs, and Middle Fingers To Nowhere- Home At Last

In Jason’s Defense, He Tried, But The Dragon Was More Interesting

Keeping A Family Alive Can Be Difficult, Especially With No Education and More Monsters A Day Than Cash (Twenty Dollars)

Thalia Tries To Sing Over Annabeth And Percy Arguing And All That Happens Is A Noise Complaint

At This Point, Murder Is Less Of A Passing Thought And More Of An ‘It’s Only A Matter Of Time’

Cousin Bonding Time Doesn’t Usually Include The Gods, But There Are Burgers So…

According To The Crazy Titan Lord Kronos, Asking If A Newborn Looks Like A Rock Is A Question That Will Result In The Death Of The Asker

Oh Joy, I’m Facing Scrutiny Over My Love Life From Immortal Preteens

Oh Things Couldn’t Be Worse When Your Parents Run The Universe Oh Things Couldn’t Be Worse When There’s A Vote To Kill Us (Leo stop using Jazz hands!)

We Have The Worst Family Reunion Ever 3.0

Barbed Wire Instead Of String, The Fates Hate Me More Than You Might Think

Zombies, Zombies Everywhere, Wave Your Hands Up In The Air

The World Is A Different Place When You Know What The World Is (Spoiler Alert: It’s Your Murderous Great Grandma)

The Refrigerator Seems Empty, Much Like My Soul

Ah, The Smell Of Success, It Smells Like Bullshit

My Heart Is Broken (Like Those Crackers That Bianca’s Eating)

Utter Chaos: Now Featuring Camp Half Blood And Literal Blood

Family Drama Destroys My Life

Family Drama 2.0: Family Drama Destroys California

So Then A God Says We ‘Will Save Humanity’, And Thalia Says ‘What The Fuck’

Two Middle Aged Women Start Screaming In Walmart

The Main Braincell Holder Is Asleep, God Doesn’t Exist, And Starting Forest Fires Is A Normal Way To Deal With Stress

Hell Is Just Life On Steroids

Queerly Beloved, We Are Gathered Here Togay… A.K.A. A Bet Ruins Rachel Elizabeth Dare’s Life

Normal People Would Avoid This, But The Two Most Normal People Here Used To Be Dead Or Will Die When A Stick Lights On Fire, So We Can’t Have High Hopes

We Try (And Fail, But Hey, It’s The Thought That Counts, Right?)

So THAT’S Where The Greek Fire Went. Sorry, Bus Driver.

Percy Has His Gay Awakening In The Form Of His Grandfather (Technically. He’s Also Technically His First Cousin Once Removed Or Something- Annabeth’s cousin maybe?)

You're Annoying Me To Death With Your Monologue So I Have To Kill You Now

What Can Go Wrong Will Go Wrong Doesn’t Mean You Should Set My Bed On Fire

Thalia Does Shock Therapy Meaning She Electrocutes People When They Say Things 

We Should Know By Now That Yelling Doesn't Solve Things But We Don’t, And The Gods Don’t Either

Most Of My Life Is Incredibly Traumatizing, But This Is New 

Who The Fuck Invited The Norse?!

Okay, I Thought The Norse Were Enough, Why Are The Magicians Here?

Wow. Popcorn. The Roman’s Worst Nightmare. 

So First The World Almost Ends, And Then The World Ends But It Gets Better, And Now It’s Ending Again?

Prophecies Can Fuck Off, And So Can Apollo

“Treacherous Nephew In The Tuxedo” Should Sound Funny, But It Doesn’t, And That Makes Leo Sad

 Why Is A Titan Making Dad Jokes? 

Falling Into A Dumpster Was The Highlight Of My Day, What Is Life

Grieving For The Living Is Just As Hard As Grieving For The Dead

Please Forget That I Tried To Kill You

In My Defence, An Invisible Higher Power Who Has The Ability To Strike Me Down Made Me Do It

Let Out A Boo For The Boom Man

Twenty McDonald’s Happy Meals And A Gun- Godly Gifts Are Awesome

We Enter The Maze Of Doom (This Time With Fabulous Prizes)

Two Brothers Are Not Happy As A Sister Cheers On Two More Brothers As They Duel To The Death- (Triton & Tyson & Kymopoleia & Percy & Anteus Have Sibling Bonding Time) 

The Eight Year Old With A Gun Manages To Save And Then Destroy A Life

Hello, I’m Queer, And Full Of Fear. Please Kill Me Now

Children Try To Make Plans (It Doesn’t Go So Well)

Thalia Grace Once Again Proves That Being A Demigod Really Fucking Sucks

It Don’t “Do Be Like That Sometimes” Leo, We Are In HELL