#like having to completely uproot everything is bad enough (and possibly multiple times a year) but for kids it gotta be even worse

[inspectorseb]

Not Yusei saying that Leo really doesn’t want to leave Canada 😭😭😭

Edit* while looking for stuff surrounding this I found an article from the athletic back in 2019 (when Yusei and Vogelbach were on the Mariners) and reading this had me crying 😭. Am I the only person who didn’t know about this?

[kittybellestark]

Okay I think Time Can Heal All, But Maybe Not This has been out long enough that I can actually talk about it

If you haven’t read TCHABMNT yet there’s gonna be some spoilers but you can find it here

EDIT: I forgot to talk about May bc I did this at night when I was really tired and my brain just wanted to talk about Peter ig, that is my absolute bad so I added that in everything else is the same tho

So obvs y’all know I had troubles with getting it published here and there’s still been some struggles but I wanna actually talk about the story.

So I started writing it a few months ago but only got 7 paragraphs in before not knowing where to bring the story. Originally the line “And Peter is terrified” was supposed to end that paragraph.

After that the fic was going to be all fluff and Harley and Tony trying to reassure Peter that his insecurities aren’t going to come to fruition.

But then I had a bad day. And the story had been sitting in my drafts forever. So I figured out how to continue the story.

Make Peter feel alone.

I had to keep the snap canon because otherwise there’s be no other plausible way for all of Peter’s family to just ditch him and for Flash and Peter to become friends.

I had to make it so that everyone in Peter’s life moved on without him.

So May moved to Italy and has a boyfriend who Peter assumes will be her husband by the time he’s 20, she has her dream job and is doing what she loves.

She moved out to Italy to forget Peter. It was for selfish reasons, she lost everything in her life, her husband, his family (Peter’s parents), her parents had died years prior and now Peter is also dead. She’s left alone and she doesn’t know what to do. So May moves to Italy to forget Peter and forget the pain and grief she feels. She doesn’t want to remember him.

By trying to forget she finds a new life. She’s a version of who Peter could have become. May is alone with no one, left behind in a world that lost everything. She has a new family and she can’t give it all up to move half way across the world. May would be uprooting her whole family. She moved on from Peter. Tried her hardest to forget him.

May wants to have a relationship with Peter, she just mentally cannot handle having him back in her life because then that opens up the possibility of Ben being back in her life, or her parents, or Peter’s parents even. By acknowledging that Peter is back for more than a phone call or a FaceTime it’ll send her spiraling. May has crafted this reality for herself and it is safe and she cannot give it up.

She loves Peter, of course she does, but having him back will only hurt her more.

I still think it’s canon, in this story,  that Tony reversed what Thanos did for Peter. And I couldn’t just kill Tony off either because that wouldn’t really be as painful as Peter just not having contact with him after everything.

It’s not because Tony just forgot Peter existed that they don’t really talk at the beginning. Obviously the affect of snapping left Tony seriously injuries and I referenced that in the story, “…Tony needed a lot more attention after the snap due to his injuries…” so Peter doesn’t really have the full idea of what his injuries are like, but I imagine pretty horrible, which would mean that Pepper wouldn’t be able to move him very soon.

Not to mention Morgan, who is born post snap and now the world had doubled in population and suddenly her father is so badly injuries he can’t be moved. That’s traumatizing on a child of her age, and then try and move her into the city?? That’s going to cause lasting affects on her mental health so of course the Starks are going to do what they can for Peter, but they have some really big things they need to deal with too.

But the Starks did move back into the city for him, it’s just a little late, because Peter is now going away for school. It’s not that they didn’t put an effort in to be with him, it’s just that they were spread thin between the Tony’s recovery, having Morgan cope, the company, what’s left of the avengers, trying and get themselves back to the city and being in the midst of what is probably an economic crisis.

When Peter turns 22 there’s a line “Just some empty seats and empty promises,” which isn’t much to go on, but a little bit later when Peter is thirty I wrote that Tony also has an 8 year old son. So Tony and Pepper were supposed to go to Peter’s MIT graduation, but she went into labour and they couldn’t go. It’s such a small little thing that’d be easily missed, but I wanted to sprinkle in that Tony and Pepper were trying to make an effort with Peter at least. But then they have another kid and being parents is hard enough, but now two kids? That’s hard, they’re going to forgot to prioritize Peter, especially when he hasn’t been a priority yet.

I felt it was important to give Peter someone though. Which is why Peter and Flash are friends through the story. It’s unlikely, and it wouldn’t have happened had they not been left behind. In the beginning I had wanted to have Flash and Peter get together romantically at some point, but that felt like a cop out, and too predictable. Which is why Flash ended up with Peter’s P.A, Gwen (yes Gwen Stacy). Having Flash move on with his life could either give Peter the idea that he could have what Flash has, because they’ve been in the same boat forever, or it could lead him to think that he’s incapable of having a life like that.

I had originally written that Peter tells Flash about Spider-Man, about how he can’t put on his suit without getting really bad flashbacks and panic attacks about what happened. But I didn’t want to turn this story to be about Spider-Man, because it’s not. This isn’t about Spider-Man’s struggles to get the suit back on and save people, this is about Peter’s struggles with mental health and his addiction. In my head Peter told Flash when they were still in high school, sitting on the bleachers in the evening, drinking a bottle of whiskey that Flash stole from his Dad’s liquor cabinet, which would also be the beginning to Peter’s alcoholism. But I ultimately didn’t feel like it was necessary to add to the story. It is something I’m willing to write out in the future though.

It felt really important for me to make everything in the story connect with each other. Peter goes to school at MIT, which is in Boston, where Ned lived when he was an adult (and we know that’s also where Tony went to school), and Peter is in California when he meets Harley again, where MJ went to school (Tony also previously lived in Cali). Everything needed to be connected to the life Peter lost. Which is also why there are so many similarities in Peter’s life now and Tony’s life before he settled down.

Tony went to MIT, well now so does Peter. Tony is an alcoholic with preference for whiskey? Yeah, Peter too. Tony is pretty much alone except for Rhodey? Peter is also alone, but he has Flash. Tony had suicidal and self-destructive tendencies? Peter has only tried killing himself multiple times. By making Peter into a version of Tony, it brings a reference to SM:HC, where Peter says after the ferry boat accident, “I just wanted to be like you” and Tony responds “And I wanted you to be better.” Peter is Tony, he’s just found fame and fortune at a different time, runs his own company and makes ground-breaking research that will help the world.

It’s why Peter is so hurt when he’s called (look a SM:FFH reference) “The Next Tony Stark.” He already is Tony Stark, except he doesn’t have the happiness or the family Tony currently has. Peter just has Flash and his assistant Gwen (just like young Tony only had Rhodey and Pepper). Peter being a version of Tony Stark, he can’t really see an escape. He is so horribly hurt and the only way he can see there being peace in his life is if he isn’t alive. Which is why he continues to try and kill himself.

I didn’t want Peter to die though, I wanted him to find something that would make life tolerable. Which is why I reintroduced Harley. Peter tries to ignore Harley, pretend he doesn’t recognize him, because Peter doesn’t want to remember his past and who he was and what he lost anymore. Harley being there is such a big reminder of who he used to be and who he wants to be, that Peter wants Harley to go away. He doesn’t acknowledge that he knows Harley, even when Harley all but says ‘I’m Harley Keener’ to Peter. At this point in the story Peter made up his mind that he is going to die. There was no other option, but then this beacon of hope shows up and Peter doesn’t want it anymore.

I think by reintroducing Harley it was important to never say that Peter and Harley end up together or that they’re still in contact. I left that pretty open ended because Harley just swooped in at the last second and stopped Peter from killing himself. Peter’s recovery is clearly not an easy one because that was when Peter is 30 and it’s only when Peter turns 32 that he’s one month sober. It was important that you don’t know who is Peter’s family. Because maybe it’s not the Starks or MJ and Ned or Harley or May. Maybe Peter moved on from his past they way they all had and has finally made peace with life, or maybe Peter’s past is now in his life again and he’s happy because he has what he always missed.

Everything in this story was so deliberate and there’s so much that I did that’s just these small little things and I love it so much. I think it was important to see Peter struggle with life and death and his mental illnesses.

So yeah, I’m completely in love with this story and if you guys have any questions about it please send me some asks and I’ll totally answer them, I’m just not over this story yet and I really want to talk about it some more !!

[nathalie-sancoeur-assistant]

Chat Blanc

I’m finally ready to post my Chat Blanc analysis now that I’ve my thoughts sorted out. Beware, there are going to be spoilers below and probably a lot of speculation on the Agreste family (and when I say “Agreste Family” that includes Nathalie and possibly Gorilla). I’m going to be using screenshots from youtube w/ english subs. 

First off we have this

This further cements the idea that I’ve said before- that Gabriel doesn’t just want to bring Emilie back, but fix something that happened. Granted the mistake they made is likely the exact thing that sent Emilie comatose, but the fact still stands that he’s not just looking to wake her up. He’s looking to change the past so that she never fell ill to begin with.

Now we have that cute scene with the girls hyping up Marinette, Nathalie denying Marinette’s present, and Ladybug busting in. Which....idk that just seems really stupid. I get it, she’s 14 but she’s also proven she has critical thinking skills. She could have waited till the next day, or outside the Agreste gates until the car came up (Adrien would have rolled down his window for her), there were other solutions but I guess Marinette hasn’t always gotten an A+ for patience. But this girl, she takes it to far and all I can do is shake my head 

The only reason you get a pass for this is cause you’re still learning what’s appropriate and not.

And I don’t think I have to explain why this is sad. He just wants his dad to be even a little proud, but he never gets to see his reaction or receive the praise he needs because his dad is “busy”. Can’t even spare a solid thirty seconds for Adrien to pop his head in and say “Father I won!” “That’s great son!”

Then cut to Marinette stuffing her face in Adrien’s pillow and I just I can’t. Sigh. 

And props to Adrien for being smarter than we gave him credit for. And then we get to this scene...

Where we first see Chat Blanc and you can tell....he’s clearly unstable. You can just tell, from the moment he’s on screen singing to himself that there is something off and Adrien Agreste has left the building. I think that speaks numbers about the psychological trauma he’s been through regarding what went down in this episode. They displayed it perfectly in the most gut-wrenching way. You’re already fearful for Chat/Adrien just due to how he’s acting because you can tell by that alone, akuma or no, that something went terribly awry.

And now he wants her miraculous

Not because of his dad’s influence, though the initial goal of the akuma is probably terribly overwhelming. How long has he actually been there in this wasteland by himself? It’s practically clad in white and almost looks frozen. You can tell Chat Blanc brought on all of this from the beginning (obviously) but my point is that it even has a signature mark on it by the color scheme being off. It genuinely feels like an altered version of reality, or a separate universe (which it can’t be can it? Since Chat Blanc was going to destroy the whole universe, making Bunnyx panic. Does that mean there really is only one universe? Because I feel like in a world with multiple timelines that could occur that there would be more of a multiverse. Anyway...

This poor child...

He’s being torn between two different worlds in every way. And he doesn’t deserve it. We get to see glimpses of Adrien in between Chat Blanc. THIS is Adrien asking her to save him. But then Chat Blanc is back in the next scene.

I genuinely thought that perhaps Hawkmoth had sent his akuma into Chat/Adrien��s heart.  But it was more symbolically than literally. Imagine how messed up that could be, if he could akumatize someone by the heart. How would they get the akuma out then? It would be a matter of actually being able to convince the person to let the akuma go. But Chat/Adrien has had so much happen that his emotions were already so high and intense, imagine how intense it must be now? It’s literally pushed him to the brink of insanity! Thinking about it though,.insanity at this point is likely the only survival tactic he has. How else could be handle being alone, completely and utterly alone? And for how long? How long would he had to have had to mull this over from where he started out as Chat Blanc, being able to fight against the akuma even a bit so that he didn’t directly harm Ladybug/Marinette. How long would he have needed to come up with “This is Chat Blanc. Chat Blanc did this, not me, Adrien, Chat Noir- it was Chat Blanc using my hands to destroy Paris” and develop this outlook so that he didn’t just completely give up. How long has he been fighting? The torture that came with that akuma likely isn’t going to go away once he forgets it. It’s just...this poor kid. He’s trying his best. 

And here I think I appreciated Marinette’s hair being down just as much as the next person but I’m kinda curious as to why? It was in pigtails just moments before so why is it suddenly down- what prompted her to take it down and just keep it down? I feel like it represents the change in the timelines. Especially since we don’t see her with pigtails again in that universe.

“I finally understand that you’re not just a friend. I always felt that there was something more...” so in other words- he loves both sides of Ladybug completely. He would love Marinette without Ladybug. He has always had this underlying affection for Marinette that is completely unlike the feelings he has for his other friends but he’s suppressing it in order to not feel unfaithful or something in regards to his feelings for Ladybug. He wants to be genuine, and now that he knows that his feelings aren’t going to cause him any kind of discourse (when it comes to Marinette VS Ladybug) he can openly express and acknowledge his feelings for Marinette and Ladybug alike.

Please appriciate that Marinette has to stand on her tiptoes because her boyfriend is a tol smol. 

And THAT is why Chat Blanc wants her miraculous. He isn’t thinking straight- he’s not able to think “if I give up the akuma Ladybug can use her Lucky Charm to fix everything” because he’s still swallowed up with the akuma, the command from his father to get her miraculous. And at this point he’s to tired to resist fighting her. 

Yikes, someone’s getting jealous. Also, appriciate the fact that Marinette, in that scene, literally leaps into his arms. How long have they been dating at this point? This is likely only a few days after, once enough time has gone by for word to spread. 

Luka says “Adrinette rights”. 

I feel like some more time has been passing between these scenes. Not a ton, but a significant amount. After all, Adrien would hardly have enough to go on an icecream date and dance with his girlfriend at a friend’s place in the same week, wouldn’t he?

“It was so amazing, until Hawkmoth found out everything”- really. They seem euphoric. And Adrien finally has something that is making him genuinely happy and helping him get through everything he’s already had to go through. Then we get hit with this...

Side note- Nathalie is tol, Sabine is smol. Back on track- what the actual- are you actually serious? Gabriel is....he’s actually doing that? Perhaps it wouldn’t be QUITE so bad if it was him simply being an over protective dad, if Marinette weren’t a well-behaved aspiring fashion designer that could benefit both him and her in the future, you know, something bad was actually going on but no...Gabriel is just making her end the relationship....for an akuma. He is bullying and forcing a 14 year old girl totally head-over-heels and love-struck with his son m, someone who is actually giving Adrien a happy place....does he not already know what it’s like to be forcibly separated from the person you hold dear? He lost his wife so now Adrien has to lose his girlfriend because “it’ll save your mother” or some ish- no! There are other ways to get powerful akumas!!! You don’t have to be so selfish as to put your own son through something similar to your own heartbreak (I mean Marinette is up and healthy and everything but it’s still forcibly removing them from each other’s grasp and selfishly taking away his son’s love interest to revive his own). You want to manufacture an akuma? Fine. Get Lila. Or target literally anyone else besides your son’s girlfriend and her family. Your son has found a way to be happy and move on without his mother being by his side every day. Either you learn how to do that too or you don’t uproot the happiness he has found to “replace” it . Because you CAN’T replace what he’s found You can add to it, if his mother really can come back without harming him or someone else he loves. But not at the expense of what he’s made for himself. That is cruel, and I genuinely thought better of you. I’m deeply disappointed. Again, if this was because Adrien’s judgement was actually questionable and Marinette had a bad record, I could understand it more. But it isn’t because hes looking out for him, it’s purely for an akuma, no regard for Adrien. And I dunno exactly how willing Nathalie was in this situation but that’s a whole other post I made a day or so ago. We can’t judge her based on the few clips we’ve seen of the future, but we can judge Gabriel because there is no good excuse for it. 

She sounds so heartbroken when he tells her to break up with him too. Because she really hasn’t done anything wrong. If this is the case, then she never actually had a real chance with Adrien because his father wouldn’t have allowed it regardless of how much they liked each other. And once again he used the threat of taking him out of school, something incredibly important to Adrien, to manipulate someone who genuinely cares about him to be selfless enough to comply with him. He’s counting on other people caring about Adrien more than him to get his way. This is not only emotionally abusing Adrien, but Marinette as well. And there’s nothing anyone can do about it outside of Gabriel himself.

And this heartbreak is so different from that act when Chat rejected her. That probably adds fuel to the fire with her parent’s. They can tell from her reaction that Chat was probably just a phase she was having but with Adrien, she genuinely loves and cares for him. She just wants to be with him and make him happy. You can tell that she already knows what she’s going to do simply because of how heartbroken and hopeless her cry sounds. There is NO justifiable reason for this. 

And this is part of the reason why I want to know how long they’ve been together at this point. I can see current Gabriel doing this, but if he hadn’t done what he does later on (which feels very out of character as I’ve addressed in a previous post I believe) then something else would have happened to tell him that maybe perhaps he did go to far and needs to apologize. If only he hadn’t taken it to the extent further down, this could have all been resolved. (Also, you can’t tell me that the news reporting that Gabriel made Adrien and Marinette break up after having reported about how star-struck they were wouldn’t put more damage on the company than Marinette leaping into Adrien’s arms in public...)

Nathalie and the Gorilla aren’t much help in this scenario either. I mean, think about it. 

They both very obviously care about Adrien, and they have both done things for Adrien to make his life easier, help him be happy. They both seem to see him as a son to themselves as well. But they both get to see how Adrien is treated day in and day out. There are cameras all over that house, I can only assume- so there would be plenty of evidence of the neglect going down. 

So...why, pray tell, have neither of them done anything? Oh Nathalie we know why, but what’s stopping the Gorilla? Don’t tell me he actually thinks that Adrien is better off in this environment? He sees what happens every day- if he’s mute, does he not know sign language? Or how to write? If he actually can’t talk then he could still write out a letter to the authorities. Is it because he doesn’t want Adrien to go into some kind of foster care system, be taken away from him, or have to go live with Felix? Tell me there’s something more going on preventing the Gorilla/Nathalie from actually taking action and doing something besides their jobs and not wanting to separate Adrien and Gabriel.

She doesn’t even question her feelings for him even after finding out he’s Chat. And she probably knows that he knows that what she just said about not loving him was bogus, but I don’t think he ever figured out why she did it.

And look at this. 

Here, Nathalie looks sad, heartbroken and almost shocked, while Gabriel is harshly calling for her from the phone. 

And here her expression changes, only slightly. The first one, she saw Chat Noir and Adrien as one and was shocked that he that they were one in the same, and sad likely about the fact that he was fighting against his father. This one, is the moment of realization. Her eyes got wider, that look of dread really set in. This is where she realizes that not only is he fighting against his own father, but realizing what he’s fighting against, how many times he almost got killed because of it all (outside of the times Adrien has been the direct target of an akuma) and how she herself has fought against him in hand-to-hand combat and tried to hurt him. That is a look of pure regret. It’s all in her eyes. 

And even here, her eyes shift ever so slightly, and she looks like she’s not even looking at anything anymore and trying to process that she has been actively hurting Adrien in her attempt to bring his family back together. Physically. 

Then when she really tells Gabriel, she doesn’t seem quite hesitant per se, but she sounds like she has to actually say it to believe it and thinks that if Gabriel knows, something might change. I doubt she actually thinks he’ll totally stop trying to get the miraculous (because we don’t know how much time has passed here and it seems he gets more and more desperate and with each passing day and less likely to quit as time goes on) but I do definitely think that her intentions with telling Gabriel this, like all others, were good. She wasn’t trying to hurt Adrien further. She was doing what she thought was best because I think that she thought that if Gabriel knew he was fighting his own son he’d question himself again, stop fighting him and actively physically hurting him, just do something other than what he actually does. She sees good in Gabriel otherwise she wouldn’t be in love with him. Heck I’m not in love with him and I saw good in him. Never in my wildest dreams did I actually suspect he would have reacted the way he did- especially with how he acted in Gorizilla! Sure in that episode he was still pretty awful, I mean who tosses their son off a building, but at least he actually seemed to care, he seemed like he’d be emotionally torn if Adrien had actually transformed- which is why I think that Gabriel isn’t necessarily entirely there anymore. I mean...look at this. Really look at it.

There is a shock factor there, for a moment it actually seems as if Gabriel might be about to reconsider...

What the frick happened

I don’t recall seeing him smile quite like that previously. His reaction is “Chat is my son? Well then I’ll take his miraculous!” and it’s nothing like what we see in Gorizilla. Something here has changed- something changed in Gabriel, the household. It just doesn’t seem right. Where is the Gabriel from before? Where are the nose holes for his mask? Why does he not have any nose holes, does he mouth-breath? Man Hawkmoth really is evil if he mouth breaths. I’m getting off topic- but this is why I want to know how long Marinette and Adrien were together before this. Something had to have happened to make him unstable didn’t it? I just can’t see how that is Gabriel. I can’t see how that would be his true reaction. Perhaps my perception of him is just severely muddled. Maybe I had more faith in him than I should have. 

...wow. He really did accidentally kill them. Two people he loves, obliterated because one doesn’t know when to stop.

Now here is an interesting scene. They fell directly from above, which tells me that Hawkmoth’s lair is directly above Emilie’s coffin room. Which must then mean that his office is above both on them? How very interesting. Now- how did they know where to find Hawkmoth. Watch that entire scene, you are given no hints....

Unless we are. 

Mayura/Nathalie isn’t there. It’s very out of character for her to not help Gabriel, isn’t it? How much later is this from when Hawkmoth found Chat’s identity? I’ll say a week? A few days? I can’t see how Nathalie would be able to actively fight against Ladybug and Chat Noir knowing who Chat was. Her and Gabriel definitely spoke about it if it is a day or so after. After being told he was going to continue, I don’t think she reacted very happily. She isn’t fighting against Adrien. 

That being said they’re also in the Agreste house. They already ruled Gabriel out of being Hawkmoth long ago, so why would they suspect him again? What could have given it away? Sure. she’s calling him Hawkmoth, but why would she respectfully call him “Mr. Agreste” or awkwardly call him “Gabriel”? Hawkmoth is much easier considering that’s who he is. If he wasn’t willing to stop or at least tone it all down for Adrien’s sake, then he was obviously doing all this for his own selfish purposes and was never out to help his family. No good could come of it, so I think it’s just barely possible that perhaps Nathalie decided it wasn’t worth it and found some way to contact Ladybug or tell Chat Noir/Adrien where Hawkmoth could be found. If it isn’t a few days after, then Nathalie hearing how Gabriel reacted, maybe she ran out through the front doors to tell them. All I know here is that there is a time skip of undetermined length and Mayura isn’t present in this episode at all. 

This look of utter delight....if Nathalie did tell them where Hawkmoth was, she obviously said nothing about him knowing Chat’s identity or why Gabriel was doing it. Perhaps she knew that would make it harder to stop him for Adrien, if he knew what was going on? She can’t predict the future- But it comes as such a shock. I do believe they know that Gabriel is Hawkmoth and who they’re fighting against in this scene simply because how could you be inside the house of a world-famous fashion designer and not recognize that while you’re going in? How would they have found him otherwise? There has been no evidence to my knowledge that would have backed up them going after him and suspecting him again to the point they actually go inside his house. Why were we not told how they found out? Was the puzzle just to long or are we supposed to continue seeing a certain character in a grey light? We were NEVER told how they found out who he is or where his lair is! He’s able to use his knowledge of who Chat is though, to shock him long enough to press the “reveal my wife” button. When he says “Dear Adrien”, Chat doesn’t ask “Father?!” he asks “How did you know?!”. then he sees his mom  

He doesn’t ask if Hawkmoth is Gabriel. He makes no move to seem to try to figure out “Why does Hawkmoth have my mom in his basement”. Sure, it’d be pretty obvious to anyone but he doesn’t even hardly have time to think “If my mom is here then this must be my father”. No, he just never suspected that his mother would be so close. 

“I’m doing this all for her Adrien”

And Adrien then proceeds not to ask anything about his dad. He knows that’s him. He just asks “Why” over and over. He’s in so much emotional turmoil from this alone that he almost seems to cataclysm his dad, but I don’t think he even actually had that intention. 

what

WHAT

WHAT THE HECK?!

HOW IS THAT ALLOWED IN A TV-Y7 SHOW?! 

deep breaths, deep breaths, calm yourself, Self.

Then the next scene, Chat is fearfully crawling away from his own father. In actual fear. Gabriel is actually completely okay with what he’s doing, justifying it by saying “this is for us” but it isn’t. Not once he’s gone that far. If you have to beat your child into submission, it’s not for their own good. I hope it never actually goes that far, but let’s continue.  

What he’s saying is basically telling Adrien that he’s been fighting against bringing his own mother back, he doesn’t want to hear that him and his lady are capable, have BEEN capable, of bringing his mother back to him. This goes to prove that IF Emilie is bad, Adrien wouldn’t be able to handle it. It would put a similar psychological torture on him as this did and idk about you but I don’t think Gabenath is worth Adrien’s mental health (I still very much ship Gabenath don’t get me wrong but if Adrien is going to suffer like that to make it happen then I’m not so sure it’s worth it.). The amount of emotional manipulation in these couple of minutes is too disgusting to put into words. 

“If she loved you as much as she says she’d save your mother”- does that mean he’s now also aware that Marinette is Ladybug? Seriously, what happened during this time skip?? Did Ladybug and Chat Noir start openly dating so they could still be together as heroes even if they weren’t together as civilians?

It gets to the point where the boy can’t stand it. He needs to be left alone. He needs to process everything- how is he supposed to know what’s right and wrong when he has two people he loves dearly telling him to do two very different things? Does he save his mother and join his father? Does he listen to ladybug, spare someone else the price of Emilie and follow her into their future?

The delight on Gabriel’s face as he sends his akuma into Chat is just....it’s unthinkable. How can he be enjoying this when it seemed to hurt him so much to toss him from a roof? I don’t understand. It doesn’t make sense! The only way I can make any sense of it would be if Gabriel had just completely lost his mind! He feels so OOC! Something had to have happened to make him go this far. He has to be severely emotionally unwell and distanced from Adrien if he’s actually okay with this- and if he doesn’t have the critical thinking skills to think “Hey, maybe someone who’s this traumatized shouldn’t have the power of unlimited destruction. Maybe just be able to use his power multiple times.” then idk he’s a complete fool. At least this version is anyway. I can’t believe him. 

This is not okay.

How can he stand there and watch his own son, in pain, struggling because he doesn’t understand what he needs to do anymore and just grin??

“Obey me!”

I’ve had my parents tell me to listen to them, to do as they say, quote the 5th commandment at me and things like that, but obey? In such a harsh tone? To obey could almost be interpreted as having to listen because they are your master. Slaves obey. 

How they do the facial expressions so well...is just artful, I must admit. Even if they do tear my heart out piece by piece. 

And perhaps Chat Blanc taking the blow for himself did something to damage his psyche even more than it already was. Perhaps that helped to paint the unstable Chat Blanc we’re introduced to. 

“It wasn’t my fault”

That’s right baby, it wasn’t. You’re a victim of cruel circumstance. You’re completely innocent and I hope you genuinely believe that. 

But seriously, Hawkmoth’s lack of understanding of what emotional turmoil can do and giving a distressed child the power of total destruction...yeah. Imagine being single-handedly the reason the entire freaking universe got wiped out. 

---

What makes everything even worse is that now Marinette thinks she can’t trust Adrien with her secret. She thinks he blabbed and Chat found out her identity (still not piecing together that Chat is Adrien). That must be a rather hard potential truth to take. When in reality, he never said anything and she could trust him completely. And her erasing the signature 

means the Chat Blanc Timeline never happened. Which puts everything back at square one. All that abuse...it never actually happened. It was a potential outcome of the future and it never actually occurred because it was fixed. We got to see a potential result of the identity reveal, we got to see the way Future Hawkmoth would have reacted- but what about current Gabriel? It feels like all that happened a decent way into the future, at least long enough for something to happen for Gabriel to go further down his rabbit hole. How different are the potential versions of Gabriel and the current Gabriel? I still want to hold out hope that he can change for the better. Adrien has been through enough as it is, he doesn’t need his father to hit him, emotionally manipulate and traumatize him. 

This episode i feel like simultaneously showed a worst case scenario, why a reveal would be dangerous, why Adrinette probably wouldn’t happen even if Adrien liked Marinette like that, and how far things could go downhill if the reveal happened in the wrong place, at the wrong time. In this case it just absolutely obliterated the chances of Adrien having a loving family again, unless part of Gabriel’s wish erased what he had just done to Adrien. With the erasure of the Chat Blanc future, there is potential for Gabriel, I think, since Chat Blanc never happened. Since he never actually did it, I don’t know how to feel. On one hand he never did it and therefore could have potential to turn around, but on the other, that timeline showed what he could be capable of in the right situation. 

I’m walking a thin line on a lonely road when it comes to Gabriel Agreste. I’m skipping rope with the line. And one last thing...

Alix is going to do something to prove herself in the future. You can tell by this scene. I wonder what it is?

[trashyslashers]

(Sorry about last time :') You told me to send this next time request were open so-) If you're willing, could you do a soulmate au with Brahms? Where you have a mark on your arm or chest and the closer you get to your soulmate, the more it glows and/or the hotter it gets? And s/o ends up getting lost in the woods during a storm and has to seek shelter in the manor?? (Hope this isn't too much to ask for 💞 I love your hcs and stories! )

No need to apologize! I’m definitely guilty of missing the “requests: closed” on other blogs before a few times, so it’s not a problem. Instead of doing a list of headcanons I just did a tiny bit of a scenario type of deal.

I MIGHT do a part II at some point, but that entirely depends on where I think I could go with this, considering the ending is vague but I’m not sure how much more in depth I could go with this specific AU. 

Ever since you were a child, you found yourself heavily preferring solitude whenever you were upset or distressed. The time alone allowed opportunity for you to clear your mind and ponder whatever was bothering you; the peace of mind brought on by the alone time was like no other and you found it hard to feel bad about distancing yourself whenever you felt you needed it. 

Now was one of those times. 

You’d spent the past year studying abroad in the UK, and while the locals of the small town you were staying in were nothing but kind and welcoming, you couldn’t help but feel horrendously homesick. Not only that, but on top of missing home, the added stress and pressure of school and exams were beginning to take a toll on you both mentally and physically and eventually you found yourself in desperate need of some time to yourself. It didn’t matter where you went - you just needed to be alone, away from other humans.

Fed up and frustrated with everything, one evening you decided that what you needed to remedy your sour mood was a long drive so you could think without any sort of distraction. During the past year of living in town you easily familiarized yourself with your surroundings, and much to your pleasure you learned early on that there were plenty of winding roads throughout the surrounding countryside. You’d been up and down them a handful of times, mostly in travels to other towns if you needed something in particular the one you were in didn’t have, and they were perfect for those times when the last thing you wanted was to be surrounded by other people. So, with that, you settled into your car one evening and set out. 

About 15 minutes into your drive, you had a change of plans once you came upon a small parking spot on the side of the road, deep in the countryside. From what it looked like, there were a handful of hiking trails branching off from the road, and without a second thought you decided that you’d quite like to go for a walk, considering it had been a hot minute since you’d really done much exploring, and the air had that mid-autumn chill to it that you absolutely adored. Seeing as no other people appeared to be around, you took it as the perfect opportunity to park your car, tuck your keys and phone away in your pockets, and go for a stroll. 

Within moments of being out of your car you were feeling much better than you had been previously, and you dug your hand into your pocket and pulled out your earbuds, fully prepared to spend the next half an hour or so meandering along the trails, lost in your own thoughts.

Despite taking the time for yourself, you still couldn’t completely rid your mind of the anxiety and stress that had been gnawing at it for the last month. While you were pretty good at masking your anxiety you had a few self soothing habits that arose whenever you were feeling particularly antsy - one of which was rubbing at the lovemark on the back of your left wrist, tracing it’s shape. 

It was something everyone knew about and everyone had; a small mark, not unlike a tattoo shaded lighter than your skin, located usually on one’s arm or chest that acted as a sort of indicator for whenever you met your supposed soulmate. It definitely saved people time - from what you’ve heard, it’s saved plenty of people from the woes of serial dating and made it much easier to settle down with someone. From what you understood, the closer you physically got to your soulmate, the mark would either change in color or emit a heat of its own (or on occasion, both), and the intensity indicated a closer proximity. Once it numbed and had a more charcoal-like tone, that meant that you finally met the one you were supposed to be with, and that was that. While some people liked this, others found it a nuisance as they felt that dating and discovering things on their own was much more exhilarating and would get a tattoo placed over it. 

You had no strong feelings either way. 

As you thumbed at the phone of your screen with your left to swipe through your music, your right hand found its way to the back of your left wrist as you went to rub at the mark out of subconscious habit - almost dropping your phone once you realized it was warm. 

Not skin warm, no, but rather it was giving off its own heat, and you yanked your sleeve down, turning your hand over so you could actually get a good look at it. Your own mark was a set of lines, looping together to form something that looked somewhat like a clover, and once you got a decent look at it you realized that it had changed from a shade that was a bit lighter than your own skin to an almost peach-pink. 

You felt sick to your stomach. Out here? Of all places? Seriously? You were nothing short of perplexed by this. You were wandering through the woods of a country you’d lived in for barely a year, and yet you, supposedly, would meet your soulmate out here? It confused you greatly, and you were left absolutely dumbfounded by this. 

Your thoughts were interrupted as a few droplets of rain landed on your skin, and glancing up at the sky through the trees you realized that storm clouds were closing in, and you needed to get back to your car as quickly as possible.

But you, in your daydreams of a stress-free life and deep thoughts regarding your future, had apparently not paid attention in the slightest to the direction you headed in. You were still on a trail, yes - but there were multiple around you, all branching off from the one you were currently walking on. Which one did you come off of? Which direction? The hike wasn’t uphill in the slightest so you had no way of figuring out which way headed towards the road.

Shit. 

None of the three paths looked familiar enough for you to determine them as the right one, and the last thing you wanted was to take the wrong path and end up actually lost. Weighing your options for a second, you decided to take the left-most one and figured it was your best bet. The sky was darkening quickly out of both the approaching storm and it being evening, and not wanting to get caught in the worst of the storm you tucked your phone back into your pocket and broke into a light jog. 

The further you went, though, you felt your heart sink. 

You’d gone the wrong way. 

Now you sure didn’t recognize your surroundings in even the slightest - you’d never passed an uprooted tree like that, and even though you were lost in your own thoughts on your way through you would’ve been able to remember passing one. 

A frustrated sigh left your lips as you pivoted back around, taking off in the direction you’d come from. The woods were darkening quickly, and you were absolutely terrified at the thought of getting lost out there in the dark. Pulling your phone out of your pocket, you opened your camera app with the hope that the flash from the camera would be enough to light your way - you didn’t want to risk draining the battery by using its actual flashlight function. Every few seconds you’d take a picture, the flash illuminating the path just enough for you to see a few feet in front of you, and while it was hardly enough to see it would have to do for the time being. 

You felt dizzy with anxiety; you’d always read about how dangerous it was to panic in situations like this and always told yourself that you’d be level headed enough to avoid it, but you managed to prove yourself so, so wrong. You clutched your wrist in your hand, relying on the warmth of your lovemark to warm your hand up as it was becoming horribly stiff from the cold. The rain was pouring down by now and the phone of your screen was absolutely drenched, and you realized that you needed to keep it dry in your pocket because otherwise it would end up water damaged, and you really didn’t have the funds to get it fixed if that happened.

You were left with only the slowly receding light of the sky and the knot in your stomach as you ran along what you hoped was still the path, mentally berating yourself for being such an idiot.

Only you, of all people, would manage to get lost in woods you’d never been in. 

As you trudged on, you wrapped your arms around yourself as best as you could in an attempt to keep yourself as warm as possible. It was completely futile, though, as you were already shivering viciously and your joints ached from the cold. No matter where you held yourself - your hands on your shoulders, in your pockets, clutching your wrists, nothing - you felt no relief from the freezing rain and air. The only thing that you had to guide you in even the slightest was your mark, which was becoming uncomfortably warm the further you walked. 

Were you about to meet them? How on earth would you, anyway - would you run into them? Were they out here in the woods, too? Were you about to run into a serial killer or something? Oh god, what if you found someone trying to hide a body or doing something as equally as disturbing? Were you going to die?

Well, you most likely would die, if you didn’t get shelter. It seemed dramatic, yes, but considering how soaked through you were combined with the plummeting temperature of the air, you feared that you may end up with hypothermia if you didn’t get warm soon. 

Soon though, you realized you weren’t going to come across a dead body or some unpleasant stranger in the woods, but instead a sign of hope. 

After stumbling around in the woods for god knows how long, you ended up in what appeared to be a driveway. It was large, paved, and the path that you hoped would lead to some sort of shelter - if you managed to pick the right direction, that is. That thought was short lived though as soon, you realized that you didn’t need to choose a direction because you saw a faint light at the far end to your right. Whether it was a cabin, a warehouse, an oddly placed gas station you didn’t care; you just needed to get out of the cold as soon as you could, and you broke out in a sprint towards it. 

The closer you got to it, the better you were able to see where you were - in the front yard of a large, stone manor. It stood grandly in the middle of a small clearing, tucked away so perfectly in the woods that it wasn’t visible from the roads you’d come from. You fought the urge to just run up the stairs - you couldn’t just trespass like that, no way. You’d seen countless horror flicks; film after film about what happens to unwelcome trespassers and you didn’t particularly care about ending up chained to a radiator in someone’s basement or becoming the nth victim to a family of cannibals. 

The soft light glowing in one of the front windows hinted that someone was home, and you realized that you’d really had no other choice but to swallow the lump in your throat, take a deep breath, and climb the stone stairs to the huge porch. The porch was massive, long, and lined with enough doors on the wall that you had no clue which to go to - how many damn doors did one house need?

The large oak door situated in the middle of the porch seemed to be your best bet, and after trying to peer through one of the large windows to see if anyone was in there, you hesitantly reached up and knocked briskly on the door, waiting a few seconds.

No answer. 

You debated on if it would be a smart idea to knock again - what if no one was home, or if they were asleep? You didn’t want to wake anyone up or anger anyone by suddenly pounding on their door at some ungodly hour of the night, but what other choice did you have? You were hopelessly lost, the rain was freezing cold, and you knew that if you went back out there you’d end up in an even worse position. You shifted your weight back and forth on your feet, wracking your brain for any other possible option other than the obvious one. 

Fuck it, you thought. I’m already lost, not like much else could go wrong.

You brought your fist up to the door and knocked yet again, your knuckles sore and raw from a combination of the cold and being knocked against the hard door repeatedly. You prayed something would happen, that someone, anyone, would answer - even if it was just to tell you to get off their property. Anything was fine in your book.

No response, again.

With a defeated sigh you pressed your forehead against the door, your hands resting against it as well. Your heart was heavy with defeat and hopelessness, and you sank down to sit, resting against the door as you tried to figure out what else you could do. It was pitch black out now, and the rain showed no sign of letting up any time soon. You pulled your phone out, your hands trembling as you unlocked it and saw that it was almost 9:30 at night - you’d been gone for almost over an hour at this point. You had only one bar, and it wasn’t nearly enough for any of your GPS or map apps to open and load properly.

It looked like you’d be here until morning, if you even lasted that long. 

You hadn’t been this cold in ages; you were trembling violently at this point and your clothes were practically glued to your skin. Your hands and feet were growing numb from cold, and you were worried that your fingers would become too stiff to move soon. You pulled your knees to your chest, resting your forehead against them as you cradled your warm wrist against your chest as best as you could. 

You had no clue how long you sat there for before you heard a soft thump come from behind the door, startling you from your rest. You jumped up (or rather tried to, you were still entirely too stiff to make any quick movements) and watched as the door slowly creaked open on its own - no sign of another person on the other side. 

The house is old, you told yourself. The latch on the door was probably old and weak, too - that’s all it was. There’s no way it was opened purposefully for you.

But what if it was? If the latch was shoddy, why didn’t it open when you knocked on it? Surely, if it wasn’t weak enough for it to open from you knocking on it, or from the pressure of you leaning on it, then it wouldn’t be so weak that it would open from literally nothing. 

Maybe, just maybe, it was a sign that you were welcome to come in. 

You fought the urge to just run right in, trepidation preventing you from making any hasty decisions as you slowly stepped inside, immediately sighing heavily with relief once you realized how much warmer it was inside. Seeing as no one was there to confront you, you took that as the opportunity to look around at your surroundings; the dimly, but cozily lit foyer you stood in. To the left of you was what appeared to be a sort of den with multiple bookshelves lining the walls, a spinet with yellowed keys resting in the middle of the room. Directly ahead of you was a long hallway that led off into darkness; a bit up on the left was another room that, from what you could see, contained a rather large staircase, and to your right was a fireplace that seemed as if it hadn’t been used in years. 

The whole area appeared to be almost totally untouched by any sign of life - it looked more like a sort of display set up for people to tour while learning about the house’s history, or something like that. You’d gone on field trips like that as a child.

The house’s interior was beautiful.

“Hello?” You called out, your voice shaky and hushed. You refrained from being loud, not wanting to disturb the residents any more than you probably already were with your intrusion. Noting the lack of any commotion or responding voices, you took a few weary steps forward, leaning forward and peering into the large room with the staircase to see if anyone was there. Of course there wasn’t, but sudden movement out of the corner of your eye caught you off guard and you jumped back to where you were before. Your heart beat sped up as you stared down the hallway, squinting as you forced your eyes to adjust to the darkness and settle on the humanoid figure at the end. Despite no features visible, the silhouette appeared to belong to an awfully tall man - who was probably staring right at you, unhappy with a complete stranger just barging into his house.

You needed to remedy any issues, before they arose.

“Excuse me - I’m sorry for the intrusion, but - I got lost while going for a hike and… it started to rain and I haven’t been able to find my way back to my car, I was hoping maybe you could point me toward the road.” It took you a second to find your voice, and when you did you worked hard to keep it as soft as possible, not wanting to come off as demanding or rude in any sort of way out of fear that the man may turn on you and throw you out - or worse.

When there was no response, you took a hesitant step forward, only for him to mirror your movements and move closer as well. 

Though it creeped you out a bit, at least he acknowledged you this time.

“I really don’t mean to be a nuisance,” You spoke up, as your hand moved under the sleeve of your opposite arm and rubbed at the mark habitually. “But I really am lost and I’m not sure where I should go - ” 

The mark was no longer warm. 

Wait a minute, was it not just practically burning hot, not even 5 minutes ago? What happened? Did they, your apparent soulmate, move on? You didn’t know if you were more disappointed or confused, and you didn’t bother with finishing your sentence as you pulled your sleeve down. 

Despite the light from above being dimmed now that you were further down the hallway, you were still able to see the mark enough to see what was wrong with it; it was no longer that soft, glowing, warm pink that it once was - instead, it had faded into a tattoo-like charcoal black that was numb to the touch. 

You couldn’t bring yourself to speak or even exclaim anything out of confusion. Your voice was caught in your throat and it felt like your heart had stopped beating altogether and the realization that this was him, this was your soulmate, hit you like a truck.

This was your soulmate - and that was a fact that he seemed completely aware of, judging by the quickness of his steps as he walked to you. He came into the faint light enough for you to see his messy hair and his face - or at least, the doll-like make that was covering it. 

Holy shit. 

“S-Sorry..” You barely managed to choke out a weak apology.

He towered over you and you were nothing short of intimidated by the situation, completely prepared to turn around and run right back out into the rain.

Before you could, though, his next movement caught you completely off guard: his much larger hand found its way to your left wrist, making an effort to be gentle with it as he lifted it up just enough for him to tug the saturated sleeve of your sweater down, revealing your mark - and also enough for him to position his own wrist just enough for you to see his matching one. 

[nightcityhqs]

case  file     ;  Etienne Isaiah Sloan

nicknames     ;  “E”, Eti, The Devil, Sloan.

associations    ;  Head of The Vices

occupation    ;  Owner of LUX

birthdate    ;  July 10th, 1982

hometown    ; London, England

current  location     ;  Downtown/Dawn Ridge

pronouns     ; he/him

mirror image     ; Tom Ellis

IN CHARACTER INTERVIEW

the record stops, the player tape states, and the radio static is replaced with voices; 

 — And our dear listeners are eager to know, how long have you been in Sunset Port? — Most importantly, why do you stay?

“Sunset Port has been home for nearly twenty years, eighteen, to be exact. And I stay because where else in the world would I want to go? Further more, where else in the world could I live the life I do? There’s a lot to be said about Sunset Port, but it’s got a certain something about it that draws you in and grabs hold of you.” 

 Of course! We can all identify with the sentiment. Well, at least some of us. [LAUGHTER] What do you do in Sunset Port?

“I run a nightclub called LUX, the best drinks, dancers and entertainemnt in town. We thrive on indulgence,  stop on by when you get the chance.” 

 Admirable! Now, I'd have left this question last to finish with a bang, but our listener is impatient, oh my! Have you heard of our little organization?  

“Heard of? Who hasn't? They've got their hands in just about everything these days.It's hard not to know, right?"  

 Oh my! — And if Isabella Castello came knocking at your door, what would you do?  

“Act like I normally would. Isabella has never been a problem for me, and I doubt she ever will be. We have similar ideas, and goals.” 

 Interesting. Well, I think I've kept you here long enough! Thank you for speaking with our public! Which song would you like me to play for you, now? 

"Ain't no rest for the wicked always did put me in a good mood."

BIOGRAPHY

Trigger Warnings; Child Abuse, Violence, Murder, Guns, Drugs

Etienne Isaiah Sloan was born on July 10th in London, England to Edward and Isabelle Sloan, a real estate mogul and a nurse.   Etienne was an only child for a few years up until his father has his first affair, which resulted in a brother named Nathanial when he was just four years old, and then, when he was eight, his father had another baby with someone else, resulting in his youngest, and last sibling, Charlotte Sloan. Elias’ mom Charlotte divorced his father after she found out about Nathanial, but because the mothers wanted their children close, the women stayed friends, and the kids spent time with their father. Etienne spent a lot of time between France, and London with his mother, and his father.  The problem with this was that Edward Sloan for some reason, didn’t like his son. A man who claimed to be godly, who loved his other two kids tormented his young son, from five years old on, he verbally and physically abused Etienne, telling him that he could see something bad in his son, and that he had to beat it out of him.

Etienne, eventually, learned to push back, until he was 18, when he came out as bisexual to his parents, his mom was receptive, but his dad cut him off completely. Etienne took that opportunity to uproot his entire life and go NYU as a business major (and English minor), one of the many US schools he applied to. Once he touched ground in New York, he didn’t speak to his father ever again. Etienne didn’t tell a single soul about his abuse until his later years.

Etienne knew from the beginning that living in New York would be hard, and ended up working odd jobs, including a bartender at some upscale piano bar.  Working there, and the tips from working there are what really got him through university. It was there that he met and eventually charmed,  one of the members of The Organization,  and what Etienne thought would be a normal body guard job turned into so much more.

He moved to Sunset Port after graduating university, and it all sort of fell into place after that. He showed how willing he was to sign his life away to The Organization, with no real family who cared about him, and no plans at the time to start one of his own, being powerful in a way he never thought possible was everything he ever wanted. He needed control somewhere, and this was how he got it.

Running The Vices was all a matter of hard work, earning trust and being a damn good businessman. Opening LUX was his idea, and The Organization thought it would work, a way to sell their drugs with the front of the club, and Etienne being able to run his dream club, it was all about indulgence in every way.

Everything kind of changed, one day nearly three years ago, Etienne was in LUX, standing on the balcony looking over things like he always did when he saw her walk in. Imogen Roke was someone he never expected to be in his life for a longtime, but multiple hookups, and two twin girls later, they’re on their way to getting married, and he’s trying to balance the life of being a dad in a city as dark and twisty as Sunset Port, and being one of the reasons it’s so dark to begin with.

Despite his lifestyle, Elias is fiercely loyal and protective of his found family, if anyone even thinks about touching them, they won’t stand a chance.

[jjkfire]

Wrapped Around; part 3.5

Jimin x Reader x Tae // College!AU // 1.9k words

Summary: Freshman year was a mess and sophomore year doesn’t seem to be looking too good either. You know boys like them are no good for you but maybe they’re just your kind of type

Genre: Fluff

A/N: yeaaaah needed to get this awkward transition out of the way but also some key background stuff but ya know lmao sorry this is so late.

*Ding*

The message tone on Jimin’s phone sounds and he quickly digs his phone out of his pocket, hoping that your name would be the one showing up on his screen.

Tae: Yo lunch at our regular place in 15 mins?

Damn it.

Jimin swipes to reply the message, simply answering with a thumbs up emoji.

He clicks on his conversation with you and he’s almost embarrassed just by looking at it.

23/12/2016

Jimin: hey, you left your door unlocked when you left for home so I locked it for you. Jimin: you owe me big time nerd Jimin: happy winter break!

25/12/2016

Jimin: merry christmas nerd! Jimin: bet you’re stuffing your face with mashed potatoes rn Jimin: don’t get too drunk at the family dinner Jimin: or do Jimin: you have a habit of trying to undress people when you’re drunk Jimin: won’t that be a fun family story to tell for years to come?

01/01/2017

Jimin: happy new year nerd! Jimin: party hard, stay safe Jimin: use a condom

Oh god why? If there was a way to delete messages after sending them, he’d be doing it right now. He doesn’t blame you for not answering because the messages made him cringe and he can’t possibly know how much worse it mut’ve been to be on the receiving end of those messages. What possessed him to write them, he’ll never know.

His thumbs hover over the keyboard, unsure if he should type out his message. Was it too much to quadruple text someone? Probably. Damn it. He just felt like he had so much to say. He didn’t like the way you had left for home probably thinking that he had sneaked out of your room in the morning. He didn’t want you to think you were just a number to him because you weren’t.... you were… okay he wasn’t exactly sure what you were to him but you’re definitely more than just a number. Above all, he just missed you, he missed his friend.

Screw it.

He begins typing his message, one that would be more than likely to elicit a reply from you or at least he hopes so.

02/01/2017

Jimin: hey nerd Jimin: the grades are out Jimin: did you do well? bet you did :)

But you don’t reply to that message either.

A 5-hour drive is what it takes to reach the cozy but grand cabin that your grandparents live in but really the drive seemed infinitely longer. Tall pine trees line the winding roads that lead to their home and by the time you reach the driveway, all you wanted to do is jump out of the car because your head won’t stop spinning. As usual, your grandparents and your other relatives rush to the car to greet you and help you unload your luggage. Everything seemed so warm and familiar except that it wasn’t your parents’ car you were getting out of. The both of them were nowhere to be seen this time around.

You remember picking up the video call about a few days ago, extremely excited to hear from your parents after being completely drained by one of your finals but the solemn look on their faces told you that bad news was coming your way. You had been counting down the days until the beginning of winter break only because you were dying to see them but here they were telling you that they both weren’t going to be around for Christmas. Your dad who worked on the oil rig out at sea was called in for an emergency, apparently one of the pipelines had burst so he was needed on the scene right away. Your mum on the other hand was being sent halfway around the world by the company she worked for to appease disgruntled factory workers who had gone on strike.

Both of them had valid reasons to miss Christmas but yet you couldn’t help but feel like it was unfair. Christmas was the only time the whole family ever got together and they were going to miss it.  As if that wasn’t enough, they tell you that with the way things are, they probably won’t be back until after your break ends so you’re going to have to spend your break at your aunt’s. Upon hearing that, your heart just sinks. First you don’t get to see your parents whom you miss dearly at this point, then you don’t get to go back to the city filled with people and places that you loved, the place you called home. You had already made plans with your friends back home, your heart singing at the thought of taking short drives to nowhere in particular or grabbing supper at the local joint that you’ve been eating at for years. Getting to go home was the only thing pushing you to finish this semester strong but now, it all seemed so futile.

Ah, Christmas. You had always loved the holiday season.

The smell of delicious food wafts through the air and warmth that radiates from the fireplace in front of you but despite all of that, you couldn’t help but feel empty and cold. Christmas just didn’t feel right this year. It’s going to be a long winter break, a sad one at that too, you sigh. Your cousin takes a seat next to you and begins telling you all about his college experience in an attempt to cheer you up but he only gets a fake meek smile in return. Noticing your sour mood, he slowly retreats and allows you to wallow in self-pity. Shame, you were usually much more delighted to see him. The two of you were the same age and had many things in common but at this very moment, all you wanted to do was be alone. Well, you were going to spend your whole winter break at his house anyway so the two of you were going to have tons of time to catch up.

It was always family tradition to stay at the cabin all the way up till New Years before parting ways and usually you’d be whining by the time the 3rd day comes around but this time you’re whining when you had to leave. Staying at your grandparent’s cabin was like going for one of those detox retreats. Your grandparents never bothered getting internet because apparently, they didn’t need it and they didn’t have cable TV because apparently, they had no use for that either. Add to the fact that you broke your phone just before coming here and that there was no repair shop in sight, it truly seemed like you were disconnected from the outside world. 

This year however, you and your cousin were in for a surprise because at dinner your grandfather announces that a new ski lodge had just opened up about a 20 minute walk away. You exchange looks with your cousin, glad that the two of you won’t have to rot to death in this cabin after all. Both you and your cousin were determined to win the title of best skier of the family. Both often coming home with multiple bruises each day but alas the two of you lose the title to your grandfather who despite his old age, seemed to be able to meander down the slopes at an ungodly pace. 

With time, you begin to warm up to your family. That seemingly eternal frown slowly fading away as one day bleeds into the next and for the first time in forever you didn’t have a shroud of dread hanging above your head every time you wake up. You feel yourself begin to pack on the pounds as your grandmother feeds you a never ending selection of your favourite dishes and you tell yourself you should stop but the pout she wears whenever you reject her food makes you wolf down the next plate with ease. Your cousin rejoices in the fact that the old you had returned and the two of you begin to set out on endless skiing adventures. The 20 minute walks to and fro from the ski lodge is filled with long talks and laughs but mostly a lot of shouting as the two of you trudge through the snow, often taking the time to stop and throw snowballs at each other. The adults only shake their heads when the both of you return home fully covered with snow and bickering with each other, as usual.

As you bid your grandparents and your other relatives goodbye, you felt a mild feeling of sadness start to creep up on you again. It felt like you were finally getting settled in, finally taking the time to enjoy your winter break but here you were being uprooted and whisked away to another town which based on your cousin’s numerous stories over the years, was just as boring as the one your grandparent’s live in. Great. Maybe you could just sleep all day long, catch up on a semester’s worth of sleep. That seemed like a good idea. Sat in the front seat of the car, you were meant to keep your cousin company as he drove back to his home but the multiple days of skiing had tired you out completely. In any case, staying up during long car rides always made your mind wander and if the car ride to your grandparents’ house was indicative of what your mind was going to wander to, then maybe it was better that you were asleep.

You’re shaken awake by your aunt from the back seat and you yawn lazily as your blurry vision begins to clear. The sign board by the roadside shows that you were soon entering the town and hey, that name sounds familiar. As the car travels down the relatively busy streets you can’t help but think that this doesn’t seem like the town your cousin had described to you.

“Hey, didn’t you say you lived in the middle of nowhere? This place seems pretty lively to me,” You yawned, still trying to shake off the sleepiness that was enshrouding you.

“Ah, Mum didn’t tell you? We moved recently,” He smiles. “Much bigger town and definitely more people below the age of 30.”

From the back seat, you hear your aunt let out a breathy laugh. Your cousin really hated the town he had grew up in.

You nod along to that, silently glancing out the window as you pass the town which oddly looks just like something you’ve seen before. Perhaps a movie had been filmed here? With your eyebrows furrowed, you try to think of where you could’ve possibly seen a place like that before or maybe all town squares look the same.

A high school comes into view and you recognize the name but you’re unable to put your finger on it and it’s starting to drive you crazy. A large banner spans across the building, announcing the school’s 50th anniversary, a large reunion for all the alums. Your cousin stops at the red light and you curiously watch as drones of people, young and old, all dressed to the nines make their way into the school. In due time, the light turns green and just as your cousin steps on the accelerator, you watch 3 boys run across the street, laughing wildly as they do so, quickly throwing their hands up in apology as they reached the other side. Your cousin slams on the brakes hurriedly and mutters under his breath, silently cursing them as he shakes his head in disapproval.

Kids these days, your aunt growls from the back of the car.

Those boys. You’d recognize them anywhere. Your mouth hangs open and you turn your head as far back as it can go, silently gawking at the sight of the 3 of them. It finally clicks in your head. The reason as to why the streets seemed so familiar, why this town seemed so familiar, it was all because you’ve seen these places countless of times on social media and in pictures stuck around the walls of a room. Unreal, you thought. Of all places your aunt could’ve moved to, she moved to the one town that was home to the 3 idiots you call friends. 

As your cousin speeds forward, closer to his house, you can’t help but laugh to yourself. You were mixed with equal parts of dread and excitement, longing to wind down the window to shout out their names but at the same time wanting to hide away, hoping that you wouldn’t run into them at all. What a turn of events. Looks like it was going to be a fairly interesting winter break after all.

Part 4

[psychotherapyconsultants]

How Developing Small Habits Can Help You Achieve a Bigger Goal

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” – Lao Tzu

Many of us have big, grand goals for our lives.

These goals can be tied to our work, or maybe staring a family, or ideals for a new home with that family, or travel to an exotic location we’ve long dreamed about, or pretty much anything else. Oftentimes these goals can seem a very long way from where we are presently in our lives. In fact, sometimes they can seem so far away that they appear to be totally out of reach.

As a consequence, too many of us give up even trying to make these things happen. And that’s a real shame, because sometimes all that is required to make them so is putting one foot in front of the other, in their general direction.

The Pressure of Big Steps and Overnight Success

Part of the reason we give up is that we put ourselves under pressure to make things happen quickly. We try to make grand, sweeping changes in our lives and expect overnight change. If this doesn’t happen we can quickly become discouraged and quit. We lose sight of any and all progress we may be making toward our goals.

Perhaps we try to uproot and change all our habits at once and it doesn’t happen. These habits may have been part of us for a very long time yet we expect to change them swiftly.

This cycle can repeat again and again. It can be really disheartening. We try so hard but get nowhere fast.

What I’ve found, in making significant positive changes stick in my own life, is that often the small steps and habits that underpin them do not get enough attention. In fact, I believe there is an untapped magic in these seemingly tiny habits. They can support even the largest of goals.

From a Writer Who Didn’t Write to One Who Writes Lots

While writing doesn’t pay all my bills, I am most definitely a writer. I think a part of me always has been on some level. It’s something I am incredibly passionate about. It’s something I spend much time and energy on.

I meet lots of writers and want-to-be writers in my travels who talk of writing their first book or starting their own blogs. Truth be told, I think most of us think there’s a book in us that we will write someday.

When I dig a little deeper, it never ceases to amaze me how many of these same people haven’t yet developed a regular writing habit. It’s like wanting to run a marathon with their only preparation being walking 800 yards to the shops on a daily basis. The odds of it happening are slim, very slim.

That’s a shame, as writing a first book, or starting a blog, is a pretty amazing milestone for anyone who has a passion for the written word and sharing their ideas.

I shouldn’t be surprised this is the case, though. You see, I was one of these people for too many years. I promised to write more than I actually wrote. I thought about the books I was going to write without writing a word. I thought about ideas for articles without committing a single word to the page.

Thankfully, this has changed in the last several years. In fact, it’s changed to the tune of seven books and counting and hundreds of articles written for my own blog and other blogs. I’ve even been lucky enough to share several articles here with the wonderful Tiny Buddha community (thank you Lori!). My words have now been read across the planet in many countries. My books have been purchased from most corners of the world.

I share this not to brag but to let you know that I have skin in this writing game, and any ideas that follow have been hard won and tested. Most importantly, none of this would have been possible if I had continued to stay in the self-imposed blocks I had put myself in.

Breaking the Big Goal Down into Smaller Steps (Write One Line)

When I was starting my writing journey, almost everything I read in terms of advice for the writer included some form of “write so many (500, 1000 etc) words a day.” Well, this never really worked well for me. I tried it and I failed regularly.

With full-time commitments elsewhere (an unrelated job, friends, hobbies, a relationship) the pressure of trying to hit a certain word count just did not fit for me. So, after many failed attempts to force it, I finally gave myself permission to try another route. I broke this down into an even tinier habit. I decided to commit to writing just one line a day.

Some days that one line turned into many pages of ideas, sometimes it was just one line. That’s okay; the habit and practice proved to be the important part of this process. It was something that worked for me and I could stick with. It was something that pulled me out from my writing inertia and got me moving in a positive direction.

Why This Works

If we make the entry point low enough, we avoid the excuses not to do something. However, if we also make the entry point meaningful, we ingrain a habit that supports regular practical steps to get to done.

Five hundred words a day may be a more meaningful target for other writers, and it’s a target that is often shared by writers of note. Some writers commit to “two crappy pages a day.” Personally, I like to make the point of entry even lower at one line.

What I’ve found is that, more often than not, one line turns into many, and just getting started creates momentum. It also allows me to be liberal with how I use my time. I don’t feel pressure to have one big writing block per day; I can find time for multiple opportunities to write instead (a little and often approach sprinkled through the day). For those of us that also have external responsibilities and unrelated jobs, this approach can be especially useful.

One line is also a low enough entry point that I don’t feel bad if I miss a day completely. And sometimes I do have days where I won’t write a word. Not the trendy advice of the day perhaps, but it works just fine for me. I feel no guilt about missing a day but often find I’m twice as productive the day after a day missed and will get lots of ideas down.

A seemingly tiny habit has been the catalyst for much positive change in terms of my writing.

How We Can Apply This to Other Goals

My example includes my writing because this is something I’m passionate about. Writing may not be your thing but the good news is, it doesn’t have to be. This approach travels and works for all sorts of goals. I know because I utilise it regularly for lots of personal goals.

What I’ve also found is that what appears to be a tiny habit change, and new behavior, can start to have a compound effect. We create positive momentum. We set ourselves up for success.

Tiny steps in the direction of a goal are still steps in that direction. There is a real magic to be found in linking steps together consistently. Big goals are fine as a guiding star, but they need to be supported with smaller steps. Developing these tiny, positive habits can support even the largest of goals. Wishful thinking will not.

Want to write a book? Get started by developing a regular writing habit. Maybe try my example of one line a day to get that done or try something else that will work for you.

Want to run a marathon? Commit to packing your kit for the morning as one tiny habit. Then link this with other tiny habits that support your goal, like committing to increasing your mileage gradually week by week. Don’t expect to run that marathon tomorrow unless you’ve already put lots of work in to get there.

Whatever your goal is, develop a regular practice to help get you closer to it. Set up simple habits that support this happening, and that keep you accountable, while still being achievable. Commit to this and amazing things can happen.

Tiny Habits — Simple, Not Easy

This tiny habit approach is incredibly simple and that’s exactly where the power of it is. There are no tricks, hacks, or ninja secrets to concern ourselves with. No sales copy or complex points of entry to worry about. We can set our own rules or have no rules. It’s so simple it can, and will, work for us if we commit to it.

Simple doesn’t mean easy, this approach still takes work. And that’s a good thing, as our goals will be all the sweeter if we’ve applied ourselves along the way.

The larger the goal, the longer this process may take and the more habits we may need to stack together. We can, however, commit to embracing the process and journey for its own end, rather than being focused purely on the destination (the where we want to get to).

Give the tiny habits approach a try in earnest. You may be surprised by where it takes you.

This post is courtesy of Tiny Buddha.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-developing-small-habits-can-help-you-achieve-a-bigger-goal/

[sarahburness]

Tiny Habits Can Support Big Goals

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” ~Lao Tzu

Many of us have big, grand goals for our lives.

These goals can be tied to our work, or maybe staring a family, or ideals for a new home with that family, or travel to an exotic location we’ve long dreamed about, or pretty much anything else. Oftentimes these goals can seem a very long way from where we are presently in our lives. In fact, sometimes they can seem so far away that they appear to be totally out of reach.

As a consequence, too many of us give up even trying to make these things happen. And that’s a real shame, as sometimes all that is required to make them so is putting one foot in front of the other, in their general direction.

The Pressure of Big Steps and Overnight Success

At least part of the reason this happens can be that we put ourselves under pressure to make things happen quickly. We try to make grand, sweeping changes in our lives and expect overnight change. If this doesn’t happen we can quickly become discouraged and quit. We lose sight of any and all progress we may be making toward our goals.

Perhaps we try to uproot and change all our habits at once and it doesn’t happen. These habits may have been part of us for a very long time yet we expect to change them swiftly.

This cycle can repeat again and again. It can be really disheartening. We try so hard but get nowhere fast.

What I’ve found, in making significant positive changes stick in my own life, is that often the small steps and habits that underpin them do not get enough attention. In fact, I believe there is an untapped magic in these seemingly tiny habits. They can support even the largest of goals.

From a Writer Who Didn’t Write to One Who Writes Lots

While writing doesn’t pay all my bills, I am most definitely a writer. I think a part of me always has been on some level. It is something I am incredibly passionate about. It is something I spend much time and energy on.

I meet lots of writers and want-to-be writers on my travels that talk of writing their first book or starting their own blogs. Truth be told, I think most of us think there’s a book in us that we will write someday.

When I dig a little deeper, it never ceases to amaze me how many of these same people haven’t yet developed a regular writing habit. It’s like wanting to run a marathon with their only preparation being walking 800 yards to the shops on a daily basis. The odds of it happening are slim, very slim.

That’s a shame as writing a first book, or starting your own blog, is a pretty amazing milestone for anyone to reach that has a passion for the written word and sharing their ideas.

I shouldn’t be surprised this is the case though. You see, I was one of these people for too many years. I promised to write more than I actually wrote. I thought about the books I was going to write without writing a word. I thought about ideas for articles without committing a single word to the page.

Thankfully this has changed in the last several years. In fact, it’s changed to the tune of seven books and counting and hundreds of articles written for my own blog and other blogs. I’ve even been lucky enough to share several articles here with the wonderful Tiny Buddha community (thank you Lori?).   My words have now been read across the planet in many countries. My books have been purchased from most corners of the world.

I share this not to brag but to let you know that I have skin in this writing game, any ideas that follow have been hard won and tested. Most importantly, none of this would have been possible if I had continued to stay in the self-imposed blocks I had put myself in.

Breaking the Big Goal Down into Smaller Steps (Write One Line)

When I was starting my writing journey, almost everything I read in terms of advice for the writer included some form of “write so many (500, 1000 etc) words a day.” Well, this never really worked well for me. I tried it and I failed regularly.

With full-time commitments elsewhere (an unrelated job, friends, hobbies, a relationship) the pressure of trying to hit a certain word count just did not fit for me. So, after many failed attempts to force it, I finally gave myself permission to try another route. I broke this down into an even tinier habit. I decided to commit to writing just one line a day.

Some days that one line turned into many pages of ideas, sometimes it was just one line. That’s okay; the habit and practice proved to be the important part of this process. It was something that worked for me and I could stick with. It was something that pulled me out from my writing inertia and got me moving in a positive direction.

Why This Works

If we make the entry point low enough, we avoid the excuses not to do something. However, if we also make the entry point meaningful, we ingrain a habit that supports regular practical steps to get to done.

Five hundred words a day may be a more meaningful target for other writers, and it’s a target that is often shared by writers of note. Some writers commit to “two crappy pages a day.” Personally, I like to make the point of entry even lower at one line.

What I’ve found is that, more often than not, one line turns into many, and just getting started creates momentum. It also allows me to be liberal with how I use my time. I don’t feel pressure to have one big writing block per day; I can find time for multiple opportunities to write instead (a little and often approach sprinkled through the day). For those of us that also have external responsibilities and unrelated jobs, this approach can be especially useful.

One line is also a low enough entry point that I don’t feel bad if I miss a day completely. And sometimes I do have days where I won’t write a word. Not the trendy advice of the day perhaps, but it works just fine for me. I feel no guilt about missing a day but often find I’m twice as productive the day after a day missed and will get lots of ideas down.

A seemingly tiny habit has been the catalyst for much positive change in terms of my writing.

How We Can Apply this to Other Goals

My example includes my writing because this is something I’m passionate about. Writing may not be your thing but the good news is, it doesn’t have to be. This approach travels and works for all sorts of goals. I know because I utilise it regularly for lots of personal goals.

What I’ve also found is that what appears to be a tiny habit change, and new behavior, can start to have a compound effect. We create positive momentum. We set ourselves up for success.

Tiny steps in the direction of a goal are still steps in that direction. There is a real magic to be found in linking steps together consistently. Big goals are fine as a guiding star, but they need to be supported with smaller steps. Developing these tiny, positive habits can support even the largest of goals. Wishful thinking will not.

Want to write a book? Get started by developing a regular writing habit. Maybe try my example of one line a day to get that done or try something else that will work for you.

Want to run a marathon? Commit to packing your kit for the morning as one tiny habit. Then link this with other tiny habits that support your goal, like committing to increasing your mileage gradually week by week. Don’t expect to run that marathon tomorrow unless you’ve already put lots of work in to get there.

Whatever your goal is, develop a regular practice to help get you closer to it. Set up simple habits that support this happening, and that keep you accountable, while still being achievable. Commit to this and amazing things can happen.

Tiny Habits—Simple, Not Easy

This tiny habit approach is incredibly simple and that’s exactly where the power of it is. There are no tricks, hacks, or ninja secrets to concern ourselves with. No sales copy or complex points of entry to worry about. We can set our own rules or have no rules. It’s so simple it can, and will, work for us if we commit to it.

Simple doesn’t mean easy, this approach still takes work. And that’s a good thing, as our goals will be all the sweeter if we’ve applied ourselves along the way.

The larger the goal, the longer this process may take and the more habits we may need to stack together. We can, however, commit to embracing the process and journey for its own end, rather than being focused purely on the destination (the where we want to get to).

Give the tiny habits approach a try in earnest. You may be surprised by where it takes you.

About Carl Phillips

Carl writes short books full of big ideas. He is also the proud owner of Frictionless Living which is focused on helping readers find and live their own version of a simpler, good, life.

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The post Tiny Habits Can Support Big Goals appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/tiny-habits-can-support-big-goals/