#like god forbid ppl don’t wanna be killed

[thee-radio-host-is-a-kookaburra]

transmasc: “I did something to avoid getting clocked or assaulted or killed.”

dumbasses on tumblr: “erm.. that’s actually rlly problematic :/ u know you’re literally a male oppressor right?”

[starlooove]

Saying “not everyone looks good thin” after EVERYTHING this world puts fat people through is so sick

[diivineray]

Ya’ll are really hilarious trying to pin who owes who more when deep down it’s really not all about that.

Ya’ll only look at things Wei Wuxian’s side and have no sympathy looking at Jiang Cheng’s. Yes Wei Wuxian did a lot for JC, but his family also did a lot for him.

Ya’ll wanna shit on Jiang cheng so bad for reacting HUMANELY.

Wen Ning did some kind things, and even tho it wasn’t his intention to kill Jzx IT STILL HAPPENED. He is loyal as hell to his family, knowing his nephew now wouldn’t have a father and considering WWX and JC both lost theirs I think they’d know how much that shit hurts.

Wwx might have been fighting for the right reasons but it also caused a lot of pain and suffering for the ppl around him. Wwx knows he did a lot of shameful and regretful things that he can’t even look at his past self without turning away.

If Jiang cheng had known wwx was going to give him his CORE HE WOULDNT HAVE ACCEPTED THAT. Those two don’t know how to do anything for each other that isn’t one GRAND sacrifice. The whole reason he lost it was to save wwx. JIANG CHENGS CHOICE. Just like it was WEI WUXIANS choice to give him his core.

They talk about how their core is everything. It’s like a second soul to cultivators. AND U SEE HOW IT AFFECTS WWX WHEN HES DOING NOTHING BUT DRINKING HIS SORROWS AWAY WHICH IS UNDERSTANDABLE. AND HE HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO HIDE IT CUZ GOD FORBID THESE BOYS LEARN TO COMMUNICATE.

But yeah let’s shit Jiang cheng for being depressed after his entire sect is gone, his parents are gone, his core is gone. I THINK HES ALLOWED TO BE UPSET ???

Also Jiang Cheng’s whole family disrespected wwx’s mother ??? WHOLE FAMILY ?? Be so for real now. Whole family my ass just say his mom.

Jiang cheng thought about wwx more than anyone else !! Yall also forget that lan zhan didn’t lift a damn finger until the very end !! It’s why he has been so determined to be by wwx’s side when he got a second a chance

Jiang cheng is a newly born sect leader, he is still so young. He can’t make or take risky moves without risking the livelihood of sect. He had more than himself to think about. Good and bad is not as clean cut as yall wanna think. It’s complicated and he had to do what was best for his clan. WWX KNEW THAT. THEY HAD A WHOLE CONVERSATION ABOUT IT DID YALL JUST SKIP THOSE SCENES ??

Jiang cheng expressed that if he went down this path he couldn’t protect wwx anymore !! AND THAT HURT HIM TO SAY. HES BEEN PROTECTING WWX ALL HIS LIFE !!! It has ALWAYS BEEN THE TWO OF THEM. I’m speaking from experience that losing a sibling hurts like fucking hell and to think Jiang cheng didn’t care wwx was going to be leaving yall can kiss my ass

Lan wangji had nOOOO business being at the ancestral hall. And had every right to be mad that wwx brought him there because for JC??? Wwx ‘s feelings for Lwj are the very reason his sect ended up in flames ! So yeah !!! He gonna be mad. I’d be mad !! If someone I disliked, and someone who very much has wronged me has the audacity to be show up at my parents burial site IMMA BE MAD. Cuz !!! Who said you could be there ?? Ya’ll only ever look at wwx’s side and just forget that wens CREATED GENOCIDE !! Just because there were the few who didn’t participate doesn’t change that fact.

it’s kinda wild how deep jiang chengs debts to wen ning and wei wuxian go. even without the knowledge of the golden core transfer. wen ning saved jiang cheng, retrieved zidian and his parents bodies. he brought them to safety and wen qing gave them medicine to recover. then wei wuxian gave up his only chance for a favor from an immortal, given to him from his mother whom jiang chengs family has spent their entire lives disrespecting, for jiang cheng to get revenge and continue cultivating. as the world turned against wei wuxian, do u ever think jiang cheng thought about this sacrifice wei wuxian made for him? that maybe if wei wuxian hadnt given up his chance for jiang cheng, he could have went to baoshan sanren for help. did he ever go to the ancestral hall where his parents were able to receive their full rights of burial only because of wen ning and think of the fact that his parents bodies probably would have been thrown into the burial mounds or burnt if wen ning hadn’t saved them.

i wonder if he ever thought about that when he yelled at wwx about unpaid debts, betrayal and disrespect.

[only-vibe-times-here]

I’ve been reading a bunch of Undertale Anti-Harems lately and my dumbass decided to write a test snippet.

But I don’t plan to make this an actual things rn bc life so I just wanna see ppl’s reactions lol

——

Tuesday

December 26, 2023

11:32 AM

You loved driving.

When things were too chaotic or you didn’t want to deal with it then and there, you took your car for a drive.

You would put on your favorite radio station and drive around town for hours upon hours. You preferred to drive at night and into the city, where you felt your most relaxed while seeing bright lights and the busy streets.

After seeing all there was to see, you would just drive around at random until you almost ran out of gas.

Driving was one of your escapes from the world, something that helped you relax and clear your head while things went crazy outside. Being alone in your car was one of the only things that stopped you from going insane

But that was all thrown out the fucking window by the time Christmas is over.

That’s right dear reader, everything went to shit on Christmas of all days.

The best way you can describe it without much description is that one song Bo Burnham released in 2021.

It was like that, only you shower every other day.

...That probably doesn’t make that big of a difference -

The point here is that as of this very moment, you hate driving.

You fucking hate it.

And driving in snow is even worse.

Who knew there would be a small snowstorm in the middle of winter?

Not your dumbass apparently.

Now, you have to watch out for black ice or other cars because, god forbid you get into an accident that kills you.

You don’t mind dying at this point. Everything sucks.

If you actually got into an accident, you bet Athena would live. She survives everything. You could fire a machine gun at her for 5 minutes straight, and she would probably be alive. God, she’s so annoying.

Now, dear reader, you’re probably wondering, “Who’s Athena? She sounds pretty cool if she can survive a machine gun!”

Athena is not cool.

She is nowhere near cool.

In fact, she’s a manipulative conniving lying bitch who deserves to die. She fucking deserves to be shot by a machine gun for 5 minutes straight and bleed to a horrible and painful death.

Sadly, murder is illegal everywhere so she can’t die.

Not yet anyway.

“But that doesn’t answer my question!” You complain dear reader.

Shut up, we’re getting to that.

Back to you driving!

In the middle of a snowstorm.

Right, forgot about that.

Now, earlier you said you liked driving. Which is true! You loved driving. You imagine driving somewhere far away from your current situation to a nice house. A quiet house, where you could all day doing whatever you wanted without consequence.

Cliche, but yeah, it’s a nice cliche.

So why do you hate it?

Because you’ve been driving 5 hours straight with a manipulative conniving lying bitch who deserves to die named Athena.

She sat next to you in the passenger seat of your car, quietly playing with her thumbs. Your eyes were glued to the road as you were set to get back to her house, ready to pack.

You said nothing for the whole 5 hours of the drive. Not since you left your parents’ place and forced her to pack her things before leaving. Your boyfriend -

Sorry, Ex-boyfriend -

- wasn’t able to pack in time before you took off with Athena, who was barely in the car as she fumbled with her seatbelt and tried to get you to talk to her.

The atmosphere in the car was tense and it was clearly making her uncomfortable. Even if you didn’t look it, you however were fuming. It took everything to not bash the car into a lamppost on Athena’s side in hopes it would kill her.

But again, murder was illegal everywhere.

She quit her attempts to talk to you after about an hour, crossing her legs as she tried to distract herself for the remainder of the drive. She still remained uncomfortable, which you ironically found comfort in. It’s a small slice of karma coming her way after what she did.

A machine gun would take the cake though.

Traffic begins to lighten up after 3 hours and you begin to speed up slightly on the road, catching Athena’s attention as the car hits a small bump in the road which causes everything inside to float for a hot second before gravity takes over.

“H-Hey, you’re going a bit fast.” She tells you, her voice that you used to find relaxing now sounded like nails on a chalkboard.

“...Gotta get you home.” You tell her flatly as you slow the car at a stoplight, speaking after hours of silence.

“Y-You mean get us home right?” She asks hesitantly, your blood boiling at her audacity to use the word “us”.

“Us?” You don’t even try to hide the bitterness of your tone.

“W-W-Well I mean, you’re my b-best friend so we c-can obviously get past t-thi - ”

“Call me your best friend again and I will toss your whore ass out in the snow.”

She quickly and wisely shut up.

You felt a twinge of guilt shoot through you after your words but you mentally punch yourself in the face for feeling that way.

‘She deserves it.’ You remind yourself

She deserves it, she deserves it, she deserves it.

...The rest of the ride was quiet as you entered back into town. The drive from your parents to her place was at most 2 hours but because of the snow and traffic, it was bumped to 5.

Sure, the drive was quiet and uncomfortable for Athena, but that didn’t mean you weren’t feeling it either.

Yes, you were mad, very mad, and you knew you had every right to be mad. Maybe not mad enough to kill her but the thought of it was amusing.

But you were equally confused as you were mad.

See, you and Athena were best friends, or you thought you were at least. You’ve known each other since you were little kids and even then, you thought the two of you were “thick as thieves” as your parents would say. Whenever you guys did anything, you did it together. You studied together, you played together, you’ve comforted her almost a million times as she cried on your bed.

You loved her.

You fucking loved her.

Not in a romantic sense, hell no, please god forbid you ever fall in love with her.

But you gave her your absolute loyalty and devotion as her friend. You thought you knew her inside and outside, you thought she was your person, you thought she was someone you could trust as you bared every piece of your heart and soul to her.

You fucking loved her.

And in less than a day, all of that is just gone.

Just, gone.

All your loyalty, your devotion, your trust in the person you’re willing to fucking die for is gone.

As you neared her house, you weren’t sure what to think anymore.

Was none of it real for her?

Were you just some toy she could play with? Did none of it mean anything to her? The years you’ve known each other were all fake? Something she controlled to get what she wanted?

Why did she do it?

Why?

Why?

“....Why?” You park on a sideway away from the main road. Your hands are still tight on the wheel and you haven’t turned to face her but you can hear her as she faces you, sounding and probably looking confused.

“W-Why what?” You laugh bitterly at her pretend ignorance.

“Why did you keep me around?” You finally turn to her and you almost fall for the look of guilt in her green eyes. “Why did you stay when I clearly meant nothing to you?”

She quickly shakes her head and leans over her seat towards you, appearing to be on the verge of crying. “Y-You did mean something to me - !”

“Oh sure, so everything you said to Charlie was a lie then?” You scoff, feeling sick when saying your ex’s name.

“I-It’s complicated - ”

You almost laugh again at her statement, wanting to make fun of her but you hold it back was you shout, “W-What the fuck can be more complicated than sleeping with my ex while dating, oh right, 8 other people?!” You slam your fist against the horn with loudly honks and scares some birds out of nearby trees who quickly return after a few seconds.

That’s right. Athena was dating 8 people.

8 fucking people.

The woman has her own anime harem!

But instead of wanting love and compassion from people who genuinely cared about her, she goes and cheats on them with your ex, how on fucking Earth can it get more complicated than that!?

“Just trust me!” She begs you, emphasizing every word reaching out to hold your hand on the verge of tears. You hate yourself as the feeling of guilt begins to rise, but you manage to ignore it again as you look each other in the eyes.

...Trust her?

She’s asking you to trust her?

You jerk your hand away from hers as you let out an empty laugh, starting your car which turns on rather quickly.

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

You step on the gas and hurry to her house, Athena slamming back into her chair hard and gripping the seat of it for dear life. The look of fear on her face puts a smile on yours and you take some pride in the fact she’ll have to take you seriously after this.

You’re starting to like driving again.

[firelxdykatara]

Hi, heavensweetheart in an ask mentioned you’ve written meta on adults writing about teen sex and told me I should ask you about it. I was wondering if you could give your thoughts on this in the context of ATLA, in fanfic and the Suki and Sokka tent scene. Some teens are having a meltdown over that scene saying it’s immoral for 16 y/o to have sex and imply that and I’m so confused. When did teens suddenly become allergic to sex? It wasn’t like that when I was one not long ago?

I’ll probably have follow up questions, but I’ll save those for now. Unless you say you don’t wanna talk on that anymore, which I totally respect. I’m just so confused as to why teens now are rioting against the Sokka and Suki scene, and even the *slight* implication that Zuko and Mai had sex too. They sound like church moms rather than teens and that’s jarring shift in culture in just a few years

I COMPLETELY understand teens wanting to avoid sex and stuff in their own lives or the media they choose to consume on personal levels but don’t know why they’re waging war against it

they’re complaining about that scene now too???? idk why i’m so surprised, considering everything else i’ve seen ppl getting up in arms about in the fandom it was only a matter of time, but jfc

listen, here’s an inconvenient factoid that fans--adult and minor alike--need to bear in mind before they go off half-cocked: underage teens have sex. it’s not like there’s some magical switch that gets flipped the instant someone turns 18 that unlocks their Raging Hormones where before they were Completely Sexless Beings. that’s not how it works. (i’m not bringing asexuality into this because ace ppl can have sex and even decent sex drives, libido and sexuality are not the same thing, and sexual awakenings can happen at just about any age post-puberty.) furthermore, coming-of-age tales (which often involve blossoming sexuality, as that is frequently a part of such narratives) are always going to be published and written by adults.

adults are, by and large, the ones with the resources and time to create finished and polished pieces of fiction and pitch them and get them into publishing houses and sold. teenagers who manage this are the exception to the rule, and the only one i can think of off the top of my head (christopher paolini, who started writing eragon when he was fifteen) was still an adult (at 19) by the time he actually managed to get published. adults are also, sorry to say, going to have a better understanding and perspective on what it was like to be a teenager--because they not only lived through it, but they have distance and a better ability to look at it objectively than someone still in the throes of massive hormonal changes and struggling through high school.

this doesn’t always work to our advantage--’adults forgot what it was like to be kids’ is a major theme in a lot of media for a reason--and sometimes it’s depressingly obvious just when any given author actually experienced being a teenager, because regardless of the setting their characters and plot points and tropes are incredibly dated--but it does typically mean that when an adult author is writing about teenagers having sex, or experiencing a sexual awakening, having a first love and everything that comes with that as a teenager, they aren’t acting like some voyeur watching teens gettin’ it on from the outside, but rather drawing on their own lived and remembered experiences and using those to inform their writing. (or experiences they wish they could have hand, like many queer authors who weren’t able to safely come out as teens and so get to experience being a kid and being able to be queer through their own writing in a way that was denied them in their own lives.)

i’ve done ‘first kiss’ and ‘first time’ type stories, now, as i am, as an adult, and i was never thinking about it as some outside observer perving on teenage characters--i was remembering what it was like when i was that age, and channeling that into my writing. no one is obligated to read or enjoy the things i write, of course, but trying to tell me that i’m not allowed to write about the things i felt as a teenager, just because i’m an adult now? that’s a quick way to get told in no uncertain terms to fuck off.

now, that being said, it’s absolutely flat ridiculous to me that people are complaining about the idea that suki and sokka were having sex, when they were child soldiers in a goddamn war. why is it more acceptable that they were preparing to fight and possibly die in a fierce battle, but gods fucking forbid they be implied to have a sexual relationship with each other before-hand? why is it more acceptable that children fight and die and kill (and yes, the gaang had a bodycount to their names, even aang), but the idea that mid- and older teens having sex is so taboo? nothing was even shown! it was all but spelled out, but in that scene we didn’t even see them kiss, it just immediately cut away after sokka called suki back to his tent!

what this tells me is that people are having a meltdown over the mere suggestion that these fifteen and sixteen-year-olds were sexually active, and considering that by the time i graduated high school (over a decade ago) i knew five girls personally who’d gotten pregnant and either dropped out or been homeschooled for a few months to have their kids before coming back to finish out their classes, i’m having trouble with this idea that even thinking of the fact that teenagers have sex should be so virulently anathema.

teens have sex with each other. sometimes teens get pregnant. sometimes these things find their way into YA fiction, and that is a genre that is almost 100% written by adults. (i’m sure some started writing as teens and maybe even got their early fiction reworked and polished, but the vast vast majority are at least adults, if not totally out of their teens, by the time they are officially published.) sometimes these things find their way even into narratives aimed at a younger audience, because there are always going to be elements that children won’t understand but the adults watching will get a kick out of--think of all the jokes in Shrek that you didn’t understand if you saw it for the first time as a kid, which seem even more hilarious once you’re an adult and have context for them.

no seven-year-old kid is gonna look at the scene of zuko walking in on sokka and the latter inhaling a rose he was holding between his lips as he waited for suki and think ‘OMG HE WAS EXPECTING HIS GIRLFRIEND AND THEY WERE GONNA HAVE SEX’--not unless something else was going on in that household, and at that point its not the show’s fault by any metric. but adults or even older teens are probably gonna get a chuckle, understanding the wink and the nudge that younger kids won’t get cause they don’t have context for that kind of romantic/sexual coding. and that’s ok!!!! the fact that people won’t get it unless they already have context for that sort of behavior is exactly why it works as a subtle joke!

and, again, the fact that a kid was killed on-screen and the fact that the main characters are all effectively child soldiers in a war, and these are somehow not topics that are too mature for the audience at which the show is aimed, but implications (which the target audience won’t understand, but older people who enjoy the show will) that teenagers are having sex is somehow beyond the pale???? (sure sokka might die tomorrow, but at least he wasn’t having -gasp- SEX before he did!!!!! that’s how they sound and it’s fucking ridiculous)

i genuinely do not understand that attitude, and i don’t think i ever will.

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 08 + 09.11.20 lbs

08.11.20

lmaoooooooo i really love the ice cold way siya operates in. truly a raisinghania sib!

“siya chal sakti hai!!!” behen, iss ghar mein tumhare dimaag ki alaava sab kuch chalta hai.

dadi trying to cheer raja band baja hua beta up with his favt. chole bhature. he doesn't seem like the kind who'd eat that kinda food, but ok.

CHOLE BHATURE ARE NOT CHEERING HIM UP. MATLAB MAAMLA SERIOUS HAIIIIII.

lmao he's literally twisting and turning in place like kids do when they have a tantrum. i mean, i like it. it shows a more human side to the character, ki just how much anguish and helplessness he's feeling.

dadi like babe, you can't control everything in life, stop being such a bloody control freak ki things not going your way turn you like this.

blah blah anguished rant on how he lost something so important to him.

dadi giving cliche ~~~if it's meant to be yours, it'll come back to you~~~ advice. which is kinda working on him. huh. all kindsa out of sorts behaviour.

“jab tuney kisi ke saath galat nahi kiya hai, toh tere saath galat kyun hoga?” uh okkkkkkkkkkk, that's not how life works. bad shit happens to good ppl all the time. also, he's done lotsa galat shit ok. what did riddhima do for this fucker to paralyse her huh?????? YEH SAB USSI KA NATEEJA HAI. BHUGAT AB.

carbs therapy. BEST HAI. ALWAYS WORKS. IT'S SCIENCE, BITCHES.

dadi saying why don't you talk to riddhima about your issues, and lol he's whining about she dgaf about him coz she left him alone last night when he asked her not to.

dadi left praying ki hey bhagwaan these two fucks’ relationship is in your hands now, this is beyond human interference.

kabir being informed of new developments and accusation of kidnapping ragini is being heaped on siya. BASED ON WHAT EVIDENCE YOU STUPID TWIT??????? THAT SHE CAN WALK??????? SO CAN EVERYONE ELSE YOU KNOW!!!!!!!!!!

��mujhe usse vansh ke aage expose karna hoga.” LMAO BITCH EXPOSE YOURSELF FIRSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

“tum kya mujhe expose karogi? expose toh main tumhe karungi!” YES SIYAAAAAAAAA FUCK  HER UPPPPPPPPPP

NOICE. WE LOVE A FIERCEASS SISTER WHO’S READY TO KILL FOR HER SIBLINGS. ESP. WHEN IT’S THE SCARY BIG BROTHER WHO’S EVERYONE’S PROTECTOR.

siya saying she just miraculously got cured a few days ago, and was waiting to surprise everyone. sounds sus, but whatever.

but also what kinda terrribleasssssss physiotherapist is riddhima that she didn’t even identify her patient’s progress?????

LMAO SIYA POL KHOLING OF VANSH BHAIYYA SAYING HE MADE HER DO ALL THE SHADY MASK SHIT. “TO KEEP RIDDHIMA SAFE”. haaaan behen, khooooob safe rakha tumne, baar baar behosh karke. pehle se hi iska dimaag nahi chalta, now you’ve managed to give her some kinda degenerative brain disease.

i love how vansh didn’t bother to ask siya how she stopped riddhima’s plans and knocked her out multiple times if she’s in a wheelchair. there’s literally only one person in a wheelchair in this house?!?!?!!!!!! wouldn’t riddhima KNOW who the person in the mask is???? god vansh. you’re such a dumbass.

lellllllllllllllllllllllllll i am livingggggggggg for siya reading riddhima to filth with a knife in her hand THIS IS THE BEST SCENE OF THIS SHOW YET. esp in her small, child-like voice, it’s fucking amazing.

riddhima admitted to being a spy, AND SIYA RECORDED IT ALSO. OMFG SHE’S MY NEW FAVE CHARACTER I LOVE HER THE MOST.

i wish vansh was the person he is to siya, instead of the fucker he actually is. she literally thinks the worldddddddddddd of him. ugh, i am so soft for this relationshippppppp.

but i also wanna know what the ishani/siya relationship is like? we hardlyyyyyy see them interact. like, we even see aryan push her wheelchair around sometimes, but ishani neverrrrrrr interacts with siya. why????

ugh riddhima managed to convince her that she really cares for vansh and is trying to do the right thing. she’s literally asking her to kill her rn if she doesn’t trust her. baby sis you’re farrrrrrrrr too trusting.

“mera dimaag tumpe trust karne se rok raha hai, riddhima, par jiss dil ne tumhe bhaabi bola haina, woh tumhe ek mauka dena chahta hai. ek aakhri mauka. iss baar mera bharosa mat todna. 24 ghante hai tumhare paas. apni taqdeer badal sako toh badal lo warna yeh audio main vansh bhaiyya ko suna doongi.” SERIOUSLY, WHERE WERE THEY HIDING THIS MOST SAYAANI CHARACTER OF THE SHOW TILLLLLL NOW????????!

riddhima has a condition for siya too. i think i know what it is.

omg vansh IS COLLAR PAKADKE YELLING AT ANGRE IN THE WORST WAYYYYYYY POSSIBLE. god vansh, you’re honestly the fucking worstttttttttttttttttttt. angre you need to take up work with someone else, istg, you don’t deserve this shit. kabir treats his sidekick so much better. yet another point in the kitty for kabir >>>>>> vansh.

seriously, why would you wanna blindfold this dude when he’s in THIS mood????? save it for the bedroom, sis.

empty wheelchair dekh ke he’s yelling at everrrrrrrryone ki how could they leave siya alone somewhere. god. i can’t imagine having to live with such a toxic personality.

everyone in the house is soooooo happy for siya. like, aryan’s not beaming as much as the others, but he does look kinda pleased. BECAUSE SIYA IS BEST CHARACTERRRRRRR OF THIS SHOW EVERYONE LOVESSSS HERRRRR.

oh my heart, i am so softttttttt for sibling shit like this. he’s hugging her with suchhhhhhhhhhhh fierceeee affection, i’m crying happy tearsssssss.

heart eyes for riddhima who supposedly cured her. pls. she did nothing. jo bhi karna tha, siya ne khud kiya hai. iss ridhimma manhoos ko jasoosi se kab fursat mili to do PT with siya and cure her???

siya being gracious and giving credit though. ugh, honestly, this show and this family don’t deserve siya.

lmao she’s saying vansh brought riddhima in though, so actually allll the credit goes to bhaiyya for intimidating this poor woman into treating his sister against her will.

THE AFFECTION. THE SHEER MAGNITUDE OF HIS LOVE FOR HERRRR. I CRIEEE. THIS IS THE ONLY RELATIONSHIP THAT MATTERS TO ME IN THIS GODFORSAKEN SHOW.

anupriya giving some fakeass congrats. i hope siya tells vansh that she was the one who pushed her down the stairs a while back. aur kuch nahi toh just for that vansh is gonna kill her dead.

riddhima and vansh still all tense and sad about the ragini thing. OUFF JUST LIVE IN THE MOMENT YOU FUCKS.

I LOVE HER. I FUCKING LOVE HER. BEST RAISINGHANIA HAI YEH.

———————————————————————

09.11.20

riddhima back at kabir’s to try and find ragini. ughhhhhhhhh i’m just so done with this nonsense. we already KNOW that kabir and anupriya still have her based on the precap from like 2, 3 days ago.

lol kabir is so pissed at riddhima and her dimaag chalaana. a mood we ALL share.

kabir trying to turn riddhima against siya and riddhima’s like NOOOO SHE COULD NEVER, “USKI AANKHEIN USKI AWAAAZ SAAF SAAF KEH RAHI THI KI WOH SACH BOL RAHI HAI!” uh huh, yeah, like kabir’s are rn????? and vansh’s were before he paralysed you? just a suggestion i’m throwing out there: is it possible that perhaps, just maybe, you’re just very fucking stupid, riddhima, and tend to trust people too easily????

OUFF I’M SO BORED WITH THIS SCENE. we already know from the precap that ragini will knock down a vase but riddhima will never find out what caused it and kabir will make some lame excuse she’ll believe. FWDING TO NEXT.

JESUS CHRISTTTTTTTT, SIYA IS JUST WALKING AROUND THE HOUSE RANDOMLY LISTENING TO THAT AUDIO CLIP OF RIDDHIMA’S CONFESSION. AND SHE WALKS RIGHT INTO VANSH, WHO’S LIKE HUH, WHAT’S THAT RIDDHIMA IS SAYING?????

siya brushes it off saying its exercise stuff for her PT. sure. uh huh.

OH MY HEART HE GOT HER HEEEEEEELS, WHICH SHE’S ALWAYSSSSSSS WANTED. THIS BHAIYYA-BABY RELATIONSHIP IS GONNA TAKE ME DOWN GODDAMNITTTT. ITNE DIN BAAAAAAAAAAAD ITNI ACHCHI SIBLING FEELS MILI HAI ITV SEEEEEEE.

bhaiyya knows baby enough ki she’s hiding something from himmm. oh noeeeeeeeeeee.

damn, siya a real one. didn’t give out riddhima’s secret coz she wants to give her a fair chance. again, this show does not deserve this character. she’s too good for it.

she says she just believes in him and knows he’ll find whoever murdered mom. 

SOFT. SO SOFT. MY HEART IS SO FULL WHENEVER THESE TWO SHOW LOVE TO EACH OTHERRRRR.

idhar ragini ki marammat shuru. y’all are just exhausting me with this bs. isse maarna hai toh maaro already. ainvayi mein time waste.

oh dangggggggg, ragini batting for riddhima. saying i know she’ll fuck y’all up. dang, we love the sisterhood feels of this episode!

“aap ke liye SPECIAL INTEZAAM kiya hai maine.” said with the most polite customer service obsequiousness. I LOVE THIS PSYCHOPATH THE MOSTTTTTTTTTT.

ragini warning them that once vansh finds out everything, they’re as good as dead. wow, spunky!!!! dude i like her as a female lead better than stupid fucking riddhima. 

“hmmmmmm, you’re right. lekin usse batayega kaun???” honestly, why do i love his deranged ass so much????

anyway mishra has been delegated the task of stashing her somewhere else i guess. so it’s settled that mishra knows he’s not working for the CBI or whatever and is just a hired goon.

dadi is organizing YET ANOTHER POOJA. lordddddd.

this riddhima and her dumbass mandir jaana excuse that she uses constantly.

“bhagwaan tum jaisi bahu sab ko de!” OMFG DADI PLS, GOD FORBID. ISSE ACHCHA AAPKE BETE KUNWAARE MARR JAAYE!

ugh dadi your bloody pota needs a fucking therapist, it isn’t in riddhima’s hands to fix his 1001 mental issues.

great, mangalsutra almost broke. foreshadowing.

ughhhhh mummy managed to steal the memory card from aryan. FUCKING IDIOT I THOUGHT YOU HAD PUT IT IN THE BLOODY BANK ALREADY, BUT NO. HE WAS STILL HOLDING ON TO IT AND TALKING ABOUT IT LOUDDDDDDDDLY ON THE PHONE. jesusssss, why he so fuckinggggg stupid????

oh now vansh is exclaiming GREATTTTTTT JOB ANGREEEE as if he didn’t tell him to GTFO, THE VERY SIGHT OF YOU DISGUSTS ME yesterday. fuck, i really hate vansh as anything but a brother to siya.

aaaaaaand riddhima was standing behind him and he turned around and in a veryyyyyyy contrived move got his watch caught in her mangalsutra and broke it.

sis freaking about THE APSHAGUN!!!!!!!!!!!

he’s like arre nahi achcha shagun hai, angre got the cctv footage now i’ll know who kidnapped ragini! and sis is like OH GOD NO THE BAD LUCK IS STARTING ALREADY I’M SO DEADDDDDDD

“toh main tumhe kho dungi.”

lmao his face. literally the white guy blinking meme.

god she’s having a freakout about how their shaadi and rishta is in khatra. BITCH THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE MS AND INSTEAD THE MOUNTAIN OF LIES YOU ARE SITTING ON AND YOUR EK DARJAN KE INCOMPATIBILITY ISSUES AS INDIVIDUALS.

”tum jaanti ho riddhima, tumahra ek ek aansoon mere liye kitna keemti hain? aisa lagta hai jaise mere dil ke ek tukde ko tod ke alag kar diya ho.”

OH YEAH????? DIDN’T FEEL ANYTHINGGGGG WHEN YOU PARALYSED HER HUH????????? IT’S GONNA BE A LONGASSSSS TIME BEFORE I GET OVER THAT, BITCH BOY.

yeah yeah ok this is a nice moment and all. WHY COULDN’T YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THIS DUDE, HUH?????? WHY’D YOU HAVE TO RUIN ALLLLLLLLLL THE GOOD WILL YOU BUILT UP BY KARWA CHAUTH IN ONEEEEEEE MOMENTTTTTTT?????? fuck, i hate you tellywood men and the shit they put my stupid heart through.

only bappa ki aarti shall fix things now. based on the promo and BTS i’ve seen, things about to get reallllllly realllllllly bad but............ lol let’s wait and watch.

ragini managed to sneak mishra’s phone outta his pocket. SEE????? SO ENTERPRISING!!!!!! I LIKE HER SO MUCH MORE THAN RIDDHIMA. GOD VANSH, THIS IS THE GIRL YOU SHOULD HAVE MARRIED. SHE’S REALLY THE ONE WHO GOT AWAY.

she’s callllllllllling vanshhhh. BUT AARTI KI WAJAAH SE HE CAN’T HEAR THE PHONEEEEEE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

here, have some dhaarmik #couple goals to take the edge off the anxiety till the next episode.

———————————————————————

precap: omfg ragini got through to riddhima and she almost told her that kabir is behind kidnapping her, but kabir got to her and attacked her from the back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DOUBLE OMFG SIYA OVERHEARD MUMMY ON THE PHONE BRAGGING ABOUT KILLING THEIR MOM AND CALLS VANSH TO TELL HIM ABOUT IT!!!!! LIKE SHE TOLD HIM THE NAME ALL CLEARLY AND THAT SHE HEARD IT FIRSTHAND!!!!!!!! VANSH SEEMS TO BE GIVING NO REACTION THO????????????

TELL ME THAT BOTH THESE PHONE CALLS WERE NOT MADE ON SOME FUCKING GHATIYA NETWORK LIKE IDEA AND THE REQUIRED PPL HEAR EVERYTHING THEY NEED TO!!!!!!!! (high hopes, i know. 😔😔😔)

[stray-tori]

An Innocent Sin & the good gay flashback ft. my descent into madness

I wasn’t sure if I should post this but I mostly want it archived so here we go. This is from like,, September?

So. “An Innocent Sin” is a dumpster fire unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember why I decided to read it. maybe I was crazy. Either way... I read it. It soon started to touch upon (very very outlandish) sexual abuse which I thought was interesting. (the angst, not so much some of the wack circumstances surrounding it)

ANYWAY. at some point... we have a flashback. And not just that. It has a gay character.

And it turns rly gay. which mind you, is still in a het smut manwha (that has a “gay” side couple, but still!)

And it destroyed me.

For those who want to read it because I genuinely think the flashback is a decent bit, it’s all the bonus chapters between chapter 77 and 78 I think. There’s a part before that too, but idk where exactly anymore. (It’s on lezhin! or your platform of choosing)

I don’t THINK you’ll need any other knowledge to get the flashback bit? but it’s been a while.

Below the cut (rip mobile users), you can read all of my amazing reactions (all of these were text messages, for context - but I took most of the replies and convos about other things out). Post is also tagged as long post. :))

(i’m serious, this is fucking long)

__________

Here I am. Liking the gay flashback character. Feck. Main dude is still straight but idk it's cute pff

This is a mess. The girl white hair likes, likes black hair, maybe, but thinks white hair is attractive

What just happened is sth I'd like to know too pff He's so cute tho omg. Watch me melt Can we stay in this flashback before everything got perverted af and before white hair gets assaulted all the time I would send an eyebrow emote if I could Context: he's asking he says it again

Ik it's not mutual but loookkk he's so sweet. He's kinda rude in present time, can't we stay in this flashback forever

I never asked for gay, never expected gay but I got gay

This story is trash why am I still reading it shdhhd

He caught his mom cheating. And now she's forcing him to watch??? What is thissss Well adoptive mom But still sudhdidu what Bitch how dare YOU exist

Save my babyyyy

Yay sister that's not yet a rapist to the rescueee

This flashback is actually just nicer in every way let's just stay here This is a super long flashback btw Idek anymore what triggered it

Okay I think I'm gonna make the sensible decision and let this dumpster fire rest and just go sleep

It was very wild. I kinda wanna see white hair get therapy but it has 90 chapters and I'm at like 30... So I'm very concerned this is gonna be very dragged out. Idek if it's even finished ahahsududi - but I do kinda wanna see where it goes and see more cute Noah (white hair) so. Here we are.

yeahhh like i was down for the sexual abuse angst but then the mother killed the adoptive son's mother bc the dad had a thing for her?? and it was someone a person studying with white hair knew and so he's investigating and I'm like how did this turn into a crime organisation kind of plot

hhhhhhh i... i appreciate these horny things also tackling abuse but it always kind of gives me weird vibes to have both, especially when its very horny. And when people are horny to people who've been abused. Idk but I'd assume... you might try NOT to tie them up if they're frequently bondaged during their assaults. I'm just.... disjdksdj hello?? am i weird?? why are they fine with it???

also this manwha is so wild, theres this murder mystery investigation thing and then theres just a couple doing honry stuff sprinkled in between and i'm like OKAY

they rescued a guy in their basement and he's understandably very traumatized and they're trying to question him cut to our main couple trying bondage which i still dont understand bECAUSE HE'S A RAPE VICITM WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS the ones questioning arent the main couple of course but idshkjds

like im glad he's somehow okay with all this horny stuff despite his trauma and im glad he can be happy and have a nice relationship but DO WE NEED THIS MUCH OF IT he's very cute tho

i like that even when i try other stuff lezhin recommends me it still has large amount of gay in it

[mei: i mean... that's pretty great, if you ask me]

I mean I agree, I'm enjoying the gay eheheh these tonal whiplashes there's not even that much white space between the panels fhjd nvm it just turned horny goddamn it can there be 1 chapter without fucking? okay, there were the flashbacks

WE ARE BACK IN FLASHBACKS but im not getting the gay relationship, sad

OH WAIT AM I GETTING GAY COMFORT bc thats very good too

OH NNOOO this turned sad very quickly

I'M SORRY IM SPAMMING BUT THIS IS JUST ANGSTY

I'M :((((

different species confirmed

I rly like them :((( I like the current girl too but it's just..... very horny with her. the flashbacks are nice [current tori edit: she’s very unloyal idk why i said I liked her] im weird HHHHH RIPPP 

someone help him he looks so saddddd

not sure if thats the most healthy relationship but I'LL TAKE IT

AWWW black hair's mom cooks mild food for them bc Noah can't eat spicy food :((( im soft

PFFF

I LOVE THE FLASHBACKS :(((

awww

i feel like theyve done much more bonding than noah's current relationship. I mean yes I think its cute when she comforts him, too, but they rarely do anything besides be horny together

OH OH THEY'RE KISSING

best buildup, honestly

the position is hornier than I'd like later here goes hope it stays cute

D-did someone just respect the word "stop"??? I am amazed

i think you might uh. have some trauma stuff too so yknow

Dohye is a little dramatic in his reassurance but it's all rly cute so I'm :(( I like them a lot pls stay like this getting invested in flashbacks is always like: ik it wont stay but pls stay like this

hELP

chapters ending in "i wanna touch him" is never good. I'm scared. Oh okay he didnt do anything. PHEW. He's already better than the girl, can't they just end up together lmao

[Noah was jealous]

w-why do you look so evil dohye haukdhjs

oh. oh no. the horny is starting. pls dont... just be cute forever

DOHYE NO YOU WERE SO DECENT WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT KOREAN TRADITIONS TO GET HIM TO DO STUFF HORNY STUFF TOO NO PLS STOP I JUST- WHEEE TvT the manwha is actually less visually horny in the flashbacks but im not sure if its bc its BL which isnt rly the genre of the manwha or if its bc they're still kids basically, which... I'd respect the latter, tho I'd prefer it to be like this constantly haha

okay. he's not respecting stop anymore, but it's also more of embarrassed nature more than "no i dont want this stop" so maybe i can forgive it. Still losing points, but he hugged him and it was sweet so HHHHHHHHHHH NOT SURE HOW I SHOULD JUDGE THIS SITUATION

They [Noah’s family] forbid him to visit his friends house I AM DEVASTATED

understandable they're a rapist, a fucked up murderer mother and a father with a thing for younger women so

tho he dont know any of that but yknow he's so pretty just fucking end me on the spot

hooo

they are boyfriends and ik from the future that his sister is gonna ruin it allll she has those drugs that make visual imaginations feel like they rly happened to the person (dont know if thats real but holy fuck its terrifying) and she's used it before to say that Noah assualted her. and im pretty sure shes gonna use it again bc there was a panel of Noah remembering Dohye being uhhhh intimate with her and thats why Noah began to hate him and im so sad im not ready for it. bc he's denied it in the future and i honestly couldnt see it happening even before that or she drugged Dohye, i guess thats a possibility too

[current tori: oh girl, it’s neither and it’s wack]

which if, btich you gonna die even more enough rambling, more reading. this makes me so sad but also spicy

on the manwha note, he thinks Noah doesnt like his family bc he's adopted and doesnt feel comfy which....... fair enough i suppose. and he's so cute im gonna melt just looK AT THIS 

SHUt UP, IM GONNA CRY

OH MY GODDDD he ate like ice and gum and all that, and Dohye assumed it was bc of the more spicy food and got rl worried, but he was just trying to get the smell out of his breath bc he wanted to kiss him ukhsdjs HOW CAN YOU BE SO CUTE HELLLOOOOOOOOO

look at them. LOOK AT mY BABIESSSS

how am i ever gonna care about the main couple again aww he-he wanted to go to the same highschool as him :((( im sad bc i know its not gonna happennnnnn

[mei: also at this point, you're literally never gonna care about them. i don't even know the main couple that well and i honestly don't care about them whatsoever.]

WAIT NO they're actually going to the same school awww ik it wont take long until sister fucks it up for them but for now theyre so sweet ohmygodddd

cant he move in with them, fuck his family honestly

dohye he's not a fucking pokemon iukhsdjs

oh. its. turning horny i am displeased with this development but i guess its natural for their relationship however COULD YOU DO IT AT HOME AND NOT IN SOME DUSTY SMALL ROOM how do ppl do this i like that the comments too are just "... is anyone still carng about the other girl?" sakjds

this is the best 3 panels in existence.

h-he just took your hand dohye idk what to tell you

[mei: "you blush at everything i do" god if that isn't me, idk what is]

awww its cute dohye is getting bonus points bc he invited Noah over while his mom wasnt home, they watched some sexual stuff and he DIDNT try to do anything what is this where can i get more of this

"well im not okay"

MY BABIESSSS 

they still didnt do much btw they're just kinda exploring and its honestly nice TvT I dont want this to ever endddd

[Dohye sees Noah’s sister and approaches her] N O

N OOOO

this is the starttttt of something.......... TERRIBLEEEE 

:((( babyyyy

I AM EMO

Noah was drugged im sure. hes having dreams and waking up in pain and the sister is asking doyhe over I DONT LIKE THISSSSSSS OH HE DECLINED

OKAY OKAY he saw him with her again but it was from behind and im not sure if it rly happened??? oh no this is terrible. Noah :((( poor child

i am so emo about this

[reminder he’s been abused TvT]

[the sister: “Don’t you want to know why?”]

i will. murder someone he called to ask her to delete his number btw what is this manwha but this is just gonna make it that more tragic when whatever happens that breaks them apart :(((

he's such a good bf but Noah just wont TELL him his side I'M SO SAD

I AM SO SAD

No

NO

It cant end im actually tearing up nooo you were so cuteeee and happpyyy

[*sister is telling dohye to come to the gym hall*]

what else is she gonna do she already teared [current tori: ahem... T O R E] them apart THAT'S NOT DOYhE. THATS NEVER HIM. OH MY GOD. is it a look alike??? damn, she's dedicated to just. ruining it, huh

I’M

I’M SO SAD

now he's switching SCHOOLS NO NOOOOO how will i ever find happiness againnnn NO they're misunderstanding further they're not talking properly i mean i get it but oh my god

I'M :((( 

NO NOOOO pls make up in the future at least omg he tried to clear it up tooo ahhh i dont even have hopes for them getting back together but i just i want them to clear it up im crying first manwha to make me cry and it's this dumpster fire ahaha maybe a little too bc it kinda hit a little close to home i guess but goddamnn ittttt they were so cuteee and so happy and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OH NO. Noahs getting drugged and assaulted. And he's realizing it happened before, he just forgot. I am. so sad it's not horny drawn either which i appreciate but MY HEART NO

N O DONT YOU DARE MAKE THIS WORSE

Im. gonna cry more 

Doyhe kept an eye on him im so emo :(( but he thought he was doing well enough and gave up.... Im im so sad no i want you to make up and get back together its all just a stupid........... MEHHHH will i ever find sth like this flashback again

[mei: p-probably not, no]

i am so devasted i dont even wanna go back to the main couple just fucking. i want this relationship back :(((( but i guess the investigation might end up somewhere so hhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh the baker manwha had a similar flashback feeling so. i just gotta find more of that haha

BUT THIS WAS SO SAD??? im so emo

[Dohye got kidnapped // the flashback commentary stops here but I think my descend into madness is pretty funny too]

OH YEAH THAT HAPPENED. THE FLASHBACK WAS SO LONG I FORGOT. NOOOO SAVE HIM. JESUS CHRIST PLS JUST ONE GOOD THING

its. actually rly smart to have another, more focused on them flashback, before the arc where he gets kidnapped by the rapist murder household so. good job. from a meta perspective but also NO but also. maybe theres hope for them making up at least after all :(((

[main couple kissing] this is. very weird now. but im glad he has someone, he deserves it but dohyeeeee

and switching to sex, YET AGAIN now i wanna see this EVEN LESS THAN I DID BEFOREEEE it's even.... a threesome now with one of the other characters why are you like this why can't you be. like in the flashback i am so upset HAHHHHH WHEEEZEEEE

I am just stop fucking jesus christ PLEASE I DONT WANNA SEE IT ANYMOREEEEE

im just stop the horny pls just tell me who that new guy is and why doyhe likes him so much

[mei: this manwha is a fucking mess but at least we got your lovely commentary out of it]

dhsuksj thanks i feel honored at least i got cute BL out of it before everything went [back] to shit

[mei: THAT TOO]

[...]

tbh im getting kinda mad about doyhe... i dont... feel like he'd just fall instantly for a guy who looks like Noah... but eh not my character

i just want closure for dohye at this point, fuck everything else ... not literally pls theres already too much of that

pls get it together for like 1 chapter is the investigation even still happening i am so confused save dohye plEASE wait what i have less than 10 episodes left Dont tell me this shit isnt even wrapped up yet

[Dohye is having a breakdown over the Noah double not coming to see him anymore]

yeah i this... doesnt feel like Dohye... at all... Even when Noah was rejecting him he was just kind of... taking it with some humor and maybe he was a little desperate and risky sometimes but... oh well... i do want him to get better but... im having a hard time believeing this development??? he never seemed overly anxious or anything. but who knows what else they did to him. Sister can still go fuck off tho

[...]

i mean. i liked the flashbacks a lot honestly??? it stayed simple and focused on the dynamics and less trying to balance smut with murder plots

[dm partner: NO THAT'S WHAT I MEAN LIKE CLEARLY THE AUTHOR CAN MAKE A GOOD STORY SO I'M JUST... CONFUSED AS TO WHY THEY DIDN'T STICK WITH SOME SOFT, FLUFFY BL ROMANCE MANWHA AND DECIDED TO MAKE WHATEVER THIS IS INSTEAD ]

okay i dont care bc dohye is currently getting assaulted nobody asked for this why i just. this is terrible. he was... so sweet. he doesnt deserve this. nobody does of course but jesus christ pls someone save him at least its not horny visually, one saving grace

ah... the assult is back to being depicted horny-ly thank you for nothing

[... removed some general confusion about the plot]

YES. SOME SHIP FOOD.

i am. suffering i mean i cant stop but GOD

okay so apparantly. the sister. has just an arsenal of people who look like other people Dohye, then Noah... and even Noah's GF??? this is ridiculous??

one good message 

why 

did you feel the need to add that [actual tired rage]

im gonna die this manwha is gonna kill me im laughing but im suffering oh hes arrested great and thats the end and the last update was in january of this year

why AS IN NOAH IS ARRESTED nobody who actually did anything is arrested What is this why is this AHHH I at least wanted the complete-ness of finishing this but now I'M JUST SUFFERING

[ mei: I MEAN TO BE FAIR I'D BE SUFFERING TOO BC JUST... WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE?? MANY QUESTIONS?? AND MANY CONCERNS BC THIS MANWHA IS JUST... AN EXPERIENCE ]

its an experience allright WELL

_______________

yup that’s it.

in my head, in a twist of events Dohye and Noah make up and are actual endgame. Something like that must exist out there but I won’t ask because it’d destroy the surprise and ruin the point.

That’s it.

Have a nice day.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

another prompt saga

April 8th: Talk about friendship. How important are friends to you? Do you find it hard to make and maintain friendships? Are your friends generally supportive? Is there anything about having friends that confuses you?

another big question for me to go on plenty of tangents lol

well i haven't often had friends Really, there's like, being amicable with classmates, being friends with people While We're At School Together, being friendly acquaintances lmfao, or like, the occasional "yeah ig we're sort of friends, not exactly very close tho" lol and then rarely where yeah i'd call someone a close friend, although naturally, it's not like i completely discount those other, less close relationships. and, even more so, not like overall i'm like "oh friendship? yeah that's pretty frivolous and unimportant and it's just something mildly entertaining vs the Real Shit & True Emotional Support & Love of your biological family and romantic soulmate" lol, Friends Are Important and it's entirely serious 2 me

also natch i Do find it hard to make and maintain friendships lol. goes back to like, preschool and being around a bunch of age peers regularly for the first time, where my "best friend" defaulted to this one person who sought out interacting with me when i was otherwise doing my own thing during preschool recess, and i was pretty enthused about getting invited to a bday party one kid invited a bunch of us to, because that was like, a Friend thing, and a fun social thing, and i was included.....that i Do remember just feeling like, socially, everyone else was playing a game i didn't know the rules to and so couldn't expect to participate and, furthermore, i ought to stay out of the way of whatever everyone else was doing, where i Did often choose to do stuff by myself, but it's like, you know, the way "autistic" is even used figuratively (which. i have a lot of disdain for) because it's like oh the defining thing really is that telltale "doesn't want to interact with other people or form relationships, probably because also they have no feelings / normal and intrinsic qualities of Humanity" but it's like, if you pay any attention or god forbid ask autistic people about their own experiences, sure everyone has their own varying social approach and anyone might not always be raring to be the center of the party or Not want to do their own thing, but it's not that oh all autistic people aren't interested in social connection, but that like even when you are a small child it's like, oh all these other kids are interacting in this way that isn't really my social style and that shuts me out, and/or attempting to interact with people results in this even subtle, quiet rejection / exclusion that can be picked up on. i wasn't making friends and was often keeping to myself / keeping my head down as it were, but it wasn't because i didn't want to have friends or socialize. my mom was insistent i was a Shy Child lmao and i'd always argue that i wasn't Really, without further explanation though lmao, but it's like, again that i felt that sort of emergent exclusion, and there wasn't any space to interact much on my terms at all, and like, yeah i often stayed quiet / didn't want to mingle with other kids / if i was in a Situation i wanted to know the How To of navigating it / what to expect

being friends with people at school was fine, except the drawbacks of stuff like "we're only interacting at school, rarely hanging out outside of that" & "someone in the same grade is in a diff class in elementary school so we just never see each other now" & "for some reason that 2nd grade teacher made a whole giant Example out of me and a friend, god forbid, not paying attention or whatever the fuck, so now i feel like we can't interact at all anymore" & "changing schools entirely between elementary / middle / college" & "not being in school" lmao similar to work friends too, we're At Work, might not see each other outside of that, might change jobs & stop seeing each other, & still overall rare, b/c the Preschool Experience never Really stopped imo, had different versions of it even into college and like, being at jobs with other adults lmao, socializing is still Like That, came up with the Je Ne Hate Quoi where like, people kind of just Know to exclude you / consider you an exception to whatever other social stuff is going on.

and then like, the difficulties even when socializing / interactions Are happening, where like, it's always funny like. i'm very Verbose / Chatty and very opinionated but like, this will surprise people, that i Talk actually and have a ton of takes, b/c i was keeping to myself / not sharing that with them and so it's like well, that must of course be the realest version of me, no way i was filtering myself, i just must have Not Wanted to talk, and/or had nothing to say & hence no thoughts or feelings i might wanna share lol, of course....and tbh like, it sure Can be true that i don't wanna talk lmao like. i wanna talk About Stuff that isn't really "personal" generally, which can be like, yeah i wanna talk about this book, or about birds, or about this trivia topic, or whatever, whereas idk so much how to do like small talk about your day or otherwise share Casual things about Yourself, like, idk, being aware my interests are things about Myself but also aware that it's Weird / wasn't the kind of stuff you were supposed to talk about, and i felt that things about my life were otherwise Not The Right Stuff, or too boring (never hanging out, not doing much except being at home reading / doing shit by myself or w/siblings) or too Unfun (able to pick up the sense that At Home Shittiness was a private matter lol......) and it'd be like, idk what to say, things about myself don't seem to fit..........but also it can be that i do not enjoy the Vibe of an interaction lmfaoooo like, i truly do not want to talk to you people. like that i can sometimes vibe with someone inebriated people better lmfao because then, idk, they have some sense of humor and can muster some enthusiasm for anything, but also i'm not really a fan of knowing that someone isn't sober lmfao like. ppl will be like "omg were you drunk" like no, that was just my personality, whereas i am not Heartened to know other ppl Will have to have been drunk to get on my level, for example, don't understand when people cannot muster being even a little silly. it's goofaround hours. but then you have like, being around a bunch of cishet people when they're drunk, and their humor is as nonexistent and boring as ever but they're even louder / more insistent about it, nightmare. and, yknow, just people talking and i'm like "i'm not interested in this at all, whether re: conversational Style or Subject, i would not want to participate" and times when it's like. i know if i was gonna chime in with what i Would say you would not be able to handle me here lmfaoooo so. i truly would prefer examining the wall and thinking about my own shit or texting with someone i do like talking with

but that yknow, in groups / conversations i would be at least someone interested in, i can still be like, idk, Hesitant To Talk b/c of all the instances you've been taught like oh you're socializing Wrong and everyone hated that, sorta like the post about making a comment about salsa that brings the gc to a halt and you're wondering how you fucked up and if salsa killed someone's parents and forgot or whatever, i've been Disheartened re: hanging out when it's like, well, nice to be included, but i'm a friendship third wheel here, not being included in the entire convo and nobody misses it, there's been instances where it's like, two people talking, i chime in, i am completely ignored multiple times, this is frustrating lmao. or there's been times i've tried to put myself out there in a way, like yeah sure i'll hang out with this group, but also i'm anxious and it's like, if people are doing homework i'm also bringing this thing i'm working on as this parallel task, only to find out down the line like people then regarded you as a joke or something b/c it was Rude or Wrong when you know, actually that was you reading some weird shit that didn't exist into the situation, and just like, idk it's wild how people will have like "graciously" declined to express something to your face, and you either can pick up on shit at the time but not be able to say anything which just reads to people like "oh they didn't notice this / that means you can push it a little further next time even" or like, figure out later that something that seemed positive or decent actually ft. people not liking you / not wanting to include you Yet Again, and as a bonus you're left with you know, having to always worry about if people Seemingly being amicable & accepting is actually them wishing you weren't there or solidifying some Interpretations of you that they're then gonna Talk About or Act On behind the scenes, like, beautiful thank you, always very touching, so glad you were so Considerate of someone's feelings and Nice about this where it just ends up being this whole letdown / feeling like even more of a rejection if there was this weird like stringing along lmao like. can allistic people be normal for five minutes

anyways and tied to that sort of, it's also like, simultaneously Cagey About Things and always worried about like, i could tell this person this thing and maybe it'd be Incorrect for the interaction and they won't care, whether because it's too mundane and boring a thing about you or because it's too #Real, i think i glimpsed something a month or so ago about like "do other autistic people have trouble where like, you can be friends with someone a long time but not get particular Close to them" or whatever lol, where like, well i have to hold everyone at arm's length and often Then Some because there's just matter of fact stuff about me that i nonetheless think i can't or shouldn't share, if i talked about something it might be out of the blue b/c i just was hardly confiding in people about it, or it's boring, or it's like, i don't actually feel like i'm close enough with this person that saying this isn't gonna be like "whoa overshare!! i just feel awkward & weird!" lmfao like. there were people i hung out with in person the year i lived out of my car and i did not mention this at all to them / kept it a secret b/c it's like, not out of like ohh this is a secret b/c No One Can Know, some people Could know lmao (shoutout to the person i Did confide in about these problems and who talked with me at what must've been like 3am in that timezone when i was like "well the rich people around here made sure to get cops to harass an unhoused person, e.g. me, would you believe it, it sucked" lmfao) it's that i knew idk, it would be pointless, they'd just feel weird about it and switch into that "for some reason, this is being Nice" where everyone will go into full Putting On A Front mode to be Polite like, that really sucks actually lmao could you Not. but it's like, idk, all this stuff where it's like "this thing about me / my life would be too Boring or too Awkward or Depressing or Etc Etc" turns out to be isolating / alienating b/c like, of course it would be. and idk nobody i ever made friends with in person i was Confiding in, not a ton of them re: me either, because you know. being cagey and wary, on top of like ohhh this person is Standoffish if they're hesitant to interact with people generally or do their own thing or i don't think they're socializing Right / have incorrectly inferred their feelings/motivations/intentions or whatever

and furthermore on that lmao it's also like, again, while i'm Verbose & Opinionated people will think i'm quiet & have no takes to provide because it's also like, even when it comes to stuff i sure feel i Could talk freely about, it's like, if i have a different opinion here will that just be a conversational Interruption ruining things for the real participants, probably nobody wants to hear me talk about this Subject, probably nobody wants to / would let me talk about it at much length without interrupting, even Online lmao i can be just going all out in terms of [how much i can talk about something] and while people can be Into that at that time it's like, people aren't into that beyond that one back and forth on one day, shoutout when people do enjoy the extensive discussing and/or have patience for it other times lol.

then supposing i Am talking to people lmao it's like, idk i'm an acquired taste or what have you, like, on top of the Talking A Ton it's like, the being opinionated and argumentative and sometimes pedantic or whatever on top of being irritable, could stand to be a bit more patient lmao, The Hater Friend to use the figure of speech lmao i have hardly been in a Group to be The [Any] Friend lol, also if my sense of humor doesn't fit it's like well how am i supposed to be silly, if being sometimes Enthused doesn't fit, again kinda an issue......have described myself as A Bit Much, humorously, but already not doing that as Much b/c it's like, i think i'm still too much like considering other people's opinions too "objective" here when like, first of all that's never accurate lmao, second of all i can easily forget that idk, i can at least in theory expect people to just regularly Like me and Enjoy interacting with me lol so. an acquired taste few can sample..........like hey even if other people don't vibe with me, it can just as much be the case that i'm not vibing with other people, don't worry lmao. and yknow, kinda parallel to Masking to seem acceptable in any casual social situation it's like, if i feel i'm suppressing my whole personality here / putting up a front / like i have to Get Through what should be a friendly interaction rather than be able to enjoy it myself, it's not exactly that rewarding. and plenty of times it's like, i like to be around people, but it can be strangers, i don't feel like "oh i wanna go out to eat / see a movie / go to this event, but if i can't get any friends to go, guess i can't!" like get out of the way i'm readily doing shit alone, it can even feel Better that way if otherwise it's like, now this occasion is about performing peak Agreeability for this other person/people, and like, not like i have ever been like "yes i have people i can readily ask to hang out and they'll be like Ya" anyways lol so. used to operating solo, where you can't be like "aha this is because this person has no Human Interest in Human Connection" when it's like. well it was never all up to me was it

well and so also it helped when i was 14 and able to be Online consistently, vs at home lmao. time for online friendship, which i don't think is like, oh that's not Real, like what sorry have you never known about people who have Remote friendships before, phones & letters & telegrams and also [nowadays when many ppl are Remote even if they usually lived near enough to hang out with] where it's like, you have this different format for socializing that can sure play out differently than Real Time, In Person interactions, and ever since i'll be posting mostly to myself lmfao but able to thusly talk about Interests and like, people will come along who want to talk more about it, then we do. i suppose also it can sure help that i'll draw (and Only draw, lol) for said interests, although tbh i think most of the time it's the extensive text posts that do it? really and great litmus test or whatever lmfao like, well already this person must not hate the verbosity. and then you can end up vibing with these people further, or not, but it's like, again, there's this chance for From The Start like, oh this person Likes that i have this niche interest, they like &/or don't mind talking A Lot about it lmao, vs in person introductions where that can sure happen but it's like, that's gonna be chance & spontaneous, whereas ppl might have the opportunity to Seek Out this interaction / content of yours......even online though, i'm still like, not as inclined to reach out or make the first interaction move or whatever lmao so. and then it's like, people make galaxy brain remarks like "ohh people who are very Online don't have friends, irl, they aren't Personable, irl," like yes congratulations i'm autistic and i don't have many In Person friends generally, sometimes maybe not any, don't really know where people think they'll land their argument here. like, follow it through, are you just calling people losers. is it "social media makes peopel Not social" like nobody is Doing Anything when they're online or everyone is embracing strangers and having heart to hearts every weekday morning with whoever is nearby if only they weren't on twitter? plus the fact that like, if i don't have access to people i interact with online, that doesn't like, force me to become neurotypical so that i then have a thriving in person social circle, it just means i'm more isolated? meanwhile, turns out it helps a lot if it's like, yeah i can Expect to interact with people

and then still like, all the time it might be like i still can feel Confused as it were about How To Talk To People lmfao like. there's not much "Just Be Yourself" when being yourself has meant filtering yourself, actually, and being v self conscious about trying (and often failing) to appeal to other people (which, then if you do succeed, it's like oops this person likes me but if i've been putting up a front the whole time, not super Validating) and not exactly a ton of practice getting to do Otherwise, and it can again be like. is this too boring to talk about, or just somewhat arbitrarily like "oh i'd better Not talk / say whatever" for no real reason lmfao, i Can just get like. Real Time Chatty as it were, but it's difficult actually lmfao like i need a lot of momentum, and it's easy for that to be Not the case.......and just like, again that it's easy to forget you don't have to be in "nobody wants to hear you talk" mode, or think like, okay, i can't just say anything, i have to say something Good, aka of interest or funny or whatever lmao but then it's like well i guess i Can just say anything. don't much know how to do that tho

(also, sidenote from "wtf is thinking being friends w/someone online is faker than when you're friends with someone sort of from being in the same building every weekday, what is the conclusion of 'what a loser geek whatever if you care about connecting Online who can't be popular Offline'" where it's always funny when someone is also like "wow even in person Fandom is, like social media, something that only people who suck at socializing Normally are into" lmfao like. not very relevant b/c nobody wants to really be in a broader fanbase rather than find particular kindred spirits through it, and who actually wants to go to comic con or whatever, sounds like a nightmare, but it's still such a faux analytical perspective lmfao like, again, first of all, what's the Conclusion to your argument here? and secondly honestly like. all versions of Small Talk are kinda gonna be bullshit, even amongst say, nt people, there's nothing Universal, and people can certainly be inconsiderate / preclude any genuine connection via what they might consider to be this neutral part of the ritual, and yknow, i find it kinda exhausting like it's peak Time To Mask and then i'm hardly in the mood to Really talk further, like yknow what. idk i'd be annoyed if someone demanded i Correctly Complete some sort of fandom reference by way of greeting, but i'm also annoyed when someone demands i Correctly Complete whatever maneuvers you're supposed to do with a rhetorical "how are you :)" lmfao like. you're a cringe nerd in the rigid social ritual of pleasantries fandom)

anyways and uhh yeah i also yknow, hashtag alana beck, it's like, glad to pretend Friendly Acquaintances makes sense, i guess it can, but it's great when it's like, oh i Don't have to only expect to be really peripheral in people's lives, or to only be friends with people i don't feel like i vibe with That much or also talk to that much about anything, when i can definitely feel like Yes this person is a Friend, no "are they actually closer to an acquaintance at this point" disclaimers needed, again, taking it back to the fact that friendship sure is Significant to me and when i have it that's v important thanks

so it's like uhhhh yeah difficult to make friends, don't have general appeal or whatever lol, ppl aren't on my wavelength or i'm not on theirs, hard to talk to people even though it's not because i don't/can't talk plenty lmfao.......and re: being Supportive it's like well, i don't really tell people In Person i'm autistic but naturally if you follow me Online here i am talking about it lol, and not like anyone who already knew me & was friends with me was like "oh nvm don't like interacting with you now" and i also gotta mention the like Handshake Lgbtq lifehack, where plenty of times it can be like, oh if we vibe on That wavelength it can be easier to befriend people, and/or that people will at least be more like, amicable / supportive based on Knowing you're handshake on that lol. b/c really it's like, i'd also like to just be allowed to talk and/or simply be around people even if we are not Personal Friends, aka that you can expect to be treated decently with some basic respect / consideration and like you're generally allowed to exist and be present and interact with people where you're not only guaranteed to Not be punished / excluded for it if someone's your individual friend and allows you to be here, so. once again it's like, can allistic ppl be normal for 5 min

[ofclaude]

vent post   under a readmore instead of in the tags bc i !! need to vent !!! & the point of not typing in the post is to be less in your face but this is gonna be a Lot probably lmao

i just. wish i had people around me who i actually care about & who care about me instead of them all being countries away. i live here in this place that helps me recover from trauma & integrate blahblahblah &...like.

they are literally paid to pet my head & call me sweet & go aww really :(( that sucks! & tell me the world’d be worse off without me. & it just fucking. it always gets to me. how is it supposed to not??? i want to be cared about the reason i’m suicidal is because no-one i’ve lived around ever gave a shit about me except 2 primary school teachers & one friend in high-school. people have been paid to pretend to care about me since i was born because me dying was more scandalous than paying a stranger to therapy the neglect away !!

i’m so tired. i’m so, so tired & i can’t anymore. oh, i will. i always fucking do !!! i always fucking do!! and i hate that!! because it’s never. i. ugh. i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tierd i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tried i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired

i went to talk to my father & he !! doesn’t even remember !!! telling me to go live on the street & die in a village where i was the freak when i was 6 years fucking old because he was just qangry & well he got it off his chest didn’t he !! I FUCKING CAN’T IT’S CALLED C-PTSD FUCK YOUR ENTIRE LIFE he was a grown-ass man lashing out in a violent rage at his own goddamn child & NO-ONE. NO-ONE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING WHEN THEY DO THAT. YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING WHEN YOU DO THAT, I DON’T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU FORGOT ABOUT IT!! YOU’RE STILL THE ASSHOLE WHO MADE ME SUICIDAL & MADE IT SO I KNOW I’M WORTHLESS, I KNOW NOTHING WILL EVER BE OKAY, I KNOW NOTHING WILL EVERY CHANGE THIS

& that was just one, tiny lil interaction out of 24 years of that shit. 24 years !! how am i supposed to just. work thru all of that shit without getting tired of it; yaddahyaddah make ya life better IF UCKING KNOW. HOW ABOUT NOT MAKING ME WORK FOR SMTH I NEVER CHOSE & DON’T WANT ANYMORE, HOW ABOUT DOING SOMETHING ABOU TTHE SCUMBAGS WHO GET TO JUST ‘GET BETTER’ AFTER the only reason they’re not responsible for my death is bc i got real fucking lucky. i’ve got massive endurance & i got lucky as hell. & it wouldn’t have mattered bc THEN I WOULD’VE BEEN DEAD, HUH?!?!? NO-ONE CARES! no-one does anything, & i’m sick of it. they get to kill me, but fuck forbid i do something abou tthem.

& blah that’s all feelings & trauma blah it’s not true i fucking know it’s not true. nothing’s true or fals #nihilism. doesn’t matter that’s not the point. i can do endless therapy, i can have people pet my head all day, i can talk myself out of this & that attempt because i know it won’t change anything. but i can’t change that this lives in me. it’s been years since i cut ties. he’s changed. i’ve changed, else i wouldn’t have cut ties in the first place but ok.

i still don’t want him. i still don’t like him. part of me still cries & hates me for taking my own daddy away from me!! even tho he’s the aggressive bastard who makes me want to fucking take my own life hellloooooo !?!?!? i have to put up with this shit. because i choose to live, but i didn’t get to choose what motherfuckers i was born with - not that my mother didn’t try to teach me otherwise tho !!! it’s all ur own choice uwu u made this call u wanted me for a parent !!!! except i loved myself unlike you bitches so no i did not but go off !! in ur fantasyland

it’s been 3 fucking years & i’ve done so much & i actually got myself a will to live last years. & it’s like. yay it’s better now :))))) no. it’s not. there are better things also. this is not better. it won’t get better, because there is nothing to change. & since it’s ptsd, i can’t forget either. blahblah lessen the impact IF UCKING KNOW I DO THERAPY I KNOW HOW THIS WORKS! BUT IT DOESN’T CHANG ETHE FACT MY OWN PARENTS THOUGHT IT WAS OKAY TO TEACH ME TO HATE MYSELF & THAT THE WHOLE WORLD COULD ONLY EVER HATE ME BUT I WASN’T ALLOWED TO DIE!! OR MAKE A SCENE !! THAT’D LOOK BAD HUH?? me, the village freak. diagnosed with autism cuz they traumatised me so bad it looked the goddamn same but fuck forbid ANYONE. EVER. talk to my parents !! noooo no i was the one that needed fixing. except they did that wrong too my fucking god does it never end.

i’m tired. i’m tired of living with the pieces of somebody else’s mistakes. i’m tired of being afraid of pushing away the only people i have who i do care about & who care about me, just by asking them to care about the parts of me that’ll never get better. i’m sick of hiding how tired i am. i’m sick of having to be normal & happy & good enough by all those rules that don’t belong to me just to not be as terrified of being neglected again - except this time by people who don’t owe me shit.

i always deal with everything. & i’m tired of it. i’m so, so fucking tired. i know. i know it can get better. i know i can find ways. i know. i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i KNOW. that doesn’t make it okay.

i wish it did, but it never does.

& since :))) i’m afraid of running off my friends by asking directly i’ll just ;)) vent :))) here ;)))

what do you even say to the ppl who actually care about you anyway like lmao what a joke. the better i get the more room i have to conform to being normal - & idc about how other ppl like it, i mean. bad normal. social skills apparently only mean ways, not truth. i was never taught social skills so i communicated directly, which is super good & ppl these days need to be taught that?? so much????????? but no i was awkward & didn’t have social skills. fuck you, ppl raised from the get-go with social skills are the WORST at being social bc they never had to learn another person’s language or the desperation that comes with the language barriers no-one will explain to you. i’m so tired. i’m so tired of jumping thru hoops just to  what???? get ppl to care??? get smn to care about????????? & then what. jump thru hoops some more bc now u have smn who doesn’t get u unless u filter out who you are & are left with nothing.

it’s so important to be me but the better i get the less i can do that & that’s what killed me so i gues we’re back at square one !!! let’s go back to therapy & pretend i need that when i already know how to work shit. let’s pay another person to pet my head & give me an hour of their time to vent, just because i don’t have to be afraid they’ll run. jesus christ. if i can’t be me i won’t do it. but idek if i can force myself to bemyself anymore & that’s fucking scary. learning social skills after a lifetime of being shunned just makes me more equipped to go with my terrible coping skills, which is to nix myself & just. be normal be normal be normal be normal bne nomral bne mrf oamlf be nomral. i’m tired.

& blah if u wanna post it on tumblr u gotta go on ur personal uwu ur rp blog is a vending machine no personal shit !! how dare u have a personal life that Exists lmao

[strawberryspeachy]

K. I know alt stands for ASSITANT language teacher

But 2 things. 1) assitants fucking DO THINGS

2) the way they sell this job is like youre a teacher.

Constantly in this job i am treated like a clown.

And im gonna tag this and im probably gonna receive the same comments i get irl from rose tinted glassed ‘japanese people can do no wrong’ people

Thus far ive worked in 4 junior highs and 3 elementarys

Most of the teachers no matter where they are just seem so incompetent

Its no big deal that the teachers arent fluent in english - isnt that literally why alts are here??? So why don’t they ever take advice?!???

Im so fucking sick of being told how to speak my fucking language.

And not the ‘speak slower’ ‘speak simpler’ thats fine and ill accept criticism on my ability to communicate to people learning english as a second language. Not that.

Grammar, pronunciation, sentence structure - and what sounds natural

I hate the videos that are made for classrooms. And the fucking books

“A native speaker wrote it” - k no. Having worked here i know exactly how that went down. A japanese person wrote it, then went to either a business kiss ass ‘japan can do no wrong’ person. Or. Bullied someone into saying it was good by doing that annoying ass thing japanese people do

Where they ask the question over and over with “ok?” At the end. Cause they dont want an answer - they just wanna be told that theyre right or to do whatever they want. And they do not plan on receiving any answer besides “youre correct”

Its awkward cause ive literally been annoyed at my friend in the past for complaining about having a job where she does nothing and gets paid. Now i feel bad because i HATE going to work to sit and do nothing. But honestly - it has more to do with the fact that of all of my schools - only 1 has given me a nice place to sit.

Not a table that they store junk on and pretend to be surprised by me everytime im there like “oops sorry theres all this stuff (but like youre not a real person and we hate that youre here so just be happy we tolerate your existance and tell is your happy to have giant things all over your desk literally sticking in your face)”

Not the extra desk behind the printer that blows dust in my face as it goes off every 20 seconds

Not the desk under the aircon blowing on me/ in the corner next to the coldest window/door

Not a literal broken chair

Not a desk in the path of the class files where teachers have to constantly get to the spot directly behind me

And i was also that person thatd say ‘well if you dont like it - quit - theres plenty of people who WANT that job’

But like it fucking sucks. Cause i have experienced REALLY good teachers who actually team teach with you. I have had one school where i worked full time and got to see my students more than once a month - hence being able to actually get to know them and want them get better. I have been at a school with wonderful staff who welcome me into the school like im an actual person - not like ‘oh is today already the day we let the rat in the school to make the children smile again. Ugh.’

It fucking sucks. I linger on the hope of being able to work at a good school with good teachers full time

I cant find a better job because im a ‘beginner’ and corona

And im stuck getting treated like shit

I AM NOT a kiss ass. Never have been. It kills me to have to work with people who dont want me around

Most of the teachers i work with ARE NEVER PREPARED like wtf why??? Why dont you EVER plan ahead??? When im not prepared its because i have to wait to get instruction from you - you get to chose what you do

And they do basically nothing (not all like ive said ive worked with good teachers)

But most just

Read the book OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. The students memorize the book passages - they have no clue about the context and if you ask them the same exact question but with a different subject like “do you have any shoes” instead of “do you have any bags” theyre lost. The teacher can get them to answer by saying the exact phrase from the book - but they dont know what theyre saying or how theyre actually answering. They just have it memorized

Then some teachers will have “conversation practice” where they take those exact sentences out if the book - put them together to form an awkward ‘conversation’ and then the students just read it.

Ooohhh look at them. Having a conversation!

Play fucking bingo.... why? They dont even make the students repeat the words for pronunciation practice - why the fuck do you play bingo everyday

Sing songs. UGHHHHH yea that could be fun if these 60 year old teachers would stop forcing shit from the 1940s on the teenage students. I cant decide if music too old for 30 year olds is worse or teachers who take japanese songs that have been translated into english is - lol you fucking hate english so much you cant find ONE english song to sing??? WHY are you teaching english?! - god forbid you let the students choose

Teachers who just give the students the day date and weather....??????????? Cool. Youve managed to ensure they cant come up with the simplest of fucking English questions on their own. Do you carry around those cards to look like you do a lot at your job when you dont? Oh yea probably

Because being in a school watching teachers is the way i learned that japan values looking busy over being productive. If you look stressed and busy all day - you are better than a person who got shit done but looked relaxed.

Why do you use the recordings when i am in the class?????????????????????????????????? THATS LITERALLY THE ONLY REASON YOU APPARENTLY HAVE ME THERE

K and like i said. I have worked with good teachers. In their classes the students are better at english (hur hur funny how that works) those teachers encourage the students to talk with me. Those teachers let the students try to come up with answers and questions on their own. Those students try and ask the teacher when they dont know how to say something to help with translation.

The shit teachers on the other hand - will jump in and stop a student who looks excited to try and trying to figure out how to say something. What does this teach them? Dont try. Just stay silent - the japanese teacher will just talk in japanese again soon - no need to try.

Jumping off that. Students who are good at english or go to juku - will dumb themselves down in classes with shitty teachers. Theyve learned its not good to know more or even nearly as much english as the teacher - pretend you dont understand. Pretends you don’t know how to say things - itll make my stupid teacher feel good. So. If i try to talk or do anything in those classes, even the students who understand will stop trying.

Speaking of just going back to japanese. WHY IS MOST OF ENGLISH CLASS IN JAPNESE???? Most of the teahers will jump at ANY chance to switch back over into japanese. English is just sprinkled into the class. Then they pretend to wonder why the students dont try and why theyre bad at english

And things ive been told in the last year

Dont ever be upset about anything ever

Lol yea just that for one

K but dont ever be upset about teachers doing ANYTHING because theyre just so GOSH DARN BUSYYYYYYYYY

Lol like intially i thought that was why ASSISTANT was in my title. I THOUGHT we were supposed to make them less busy by helping out with planning and grading and blah blah

Nope cause

‘Oh offer to help them! BUT dont be upset when they decline because theyd have to explain to you ANYTHING and.....’

So. Im a child?! I cant be trusted to do anything without proper instruction

Well yea exactly cause

“Oh! Hes probably your babysister haha! Japanese people are so nice! They usually have one teacher look out for you and help you with stuff - besides the head teacher- lol theyre kinda like your babysitter!<3”

K. So like. I need a bachelors degree for this job. Let me say again I NEEDED A COLLEGE DEGREE FOR THIS JOB. i had to move ACCROSS THE WORLD by myself. I have to ge able to fill out federal documents and find a house and pay my bills and follow foregn laws and figure out my way in a foregn country - but i need a BABYSITTER at work?!?!?!?? If im a minute late ill be docked an hours pay. If i do ANYTHING that slightly upsets ANYONE and japanese ppl are offended by EVERYTHING - i am liable for all reprucussions. But. I need a BABYSITTER.

Cant be trusted to be in a class alone (dont be offended its because your not a certified teacher) that would make sense except that YALL THROW ALTS IN WITH THE SPECIAL NEEDS STUDENTS ALL THE TIME - thats supposed to be an EXTRA certification on top of teaching. but Im too fucking stupid and untrustable to do anything with regular students alone, but because you dont like dealing with spefial needs - i can teach them alone.

You dont actually read their hw or check for correctness and most of their tests are just for fun it seems - but i cant be trusted to grade those either

You do the exact same lesson everyday and i only see each class once a month - but dont let me create any activity or lesson for them. Also dont tell me your plans until class is starting and then change it throughout the class and act surprised when idk what the fuck youre doing because you changed your mind while talking at them in japanese

Speaking of changing. I hate teachers who constantly change how they do shit. And again. Get annoyed at me when i cant follow their flow. Do i say hello first or do you? Are we even saying hello today? Am i asking how they are or are you? Are we letting them answer? Are we answering? Whose asking the day date and weather? Are we asking them for the day date and weather?? Whose saying goodbye? Are we saying goodbye? Which bingo version have you chosen today? Are they repeating the words? Yes? No? Am i saying each one twice? Do i have to spell out the fucking word today? Fast? Slow? What hell are you putting me through today

And when they ask me to take charge of an activity. But then change their mind. But then no no you go ahead please take charge. K no just kidding ill tell you and them what to do. Actually no you can keep going please be in control. K no too much english i wanna hear more japanese ill be in control - hey everyone thank the alt for doing that activity with you (me and the students look at each other visibly confused)

These teachers will ask me a question and no matter how i answer its wrong. I always answer shortly initially because... of course. But theyll tell me to GO ON!!! theyll keep doing that. So ill start answering questions with substance - then theyll cut me off - so i go back to answering shortly but NO! CONTINUE!!! im constantly caught confused exactly what they want me to say and now i barely ever tell stories to the students. I stare at the jte the whole time trying to guage by their face if i should keep talking or make it short. Its also awkward cause sometimes they jump in to translate and other times they want me to just keep talking in english with no translation. Regardless whatever way i choose is never correct and they always look at me like im an idiot

Yesterday a teacher did one of the things inhate that prompted this I WANNA WRITE ABOUT HOW MUCH I HATE THIS JOB

Hes a sub. Hes supposed to do the same lessson as the other teachers. He is NEVER prepared. And he does everything bad. So when he didnt have the stuff for the activity he said he wants the students to have conversations with me. GREAT! thats what im here for! Lets do it. So then he shows them videos he has of other students talking with an alt at another school for 5 minutes. Um.... k. Then we open the book to a page of 3 example convo starters. Except. Japanese teachers dont seem to understand that the book is meant to be EXAMPLES. he says ah like this but maybe change. Good ok! I think were on the right track. Lets read these examples and get to it. Nope. He has them have the example sentences with their partner saying its good practice.

No. Its not. Theyre just reading the book and then when they finish saying

“Do you know any good restaurants around here?”

“Yes i do! Theres a curry place over there”

“oh i love curry!”

Theyre not gonna make up more at the ......

Theyre just gonna talk in japanese about other shit.

Then he says ok lets have conversations. Finally

Nope.

He has the class repeat after him together as a unit to me “do you know any good restaurants around here?”

GFFEIWBAKDHWNDGDIEBS RAGEEEE

I said ive had convos in class before may i try like before

He feigns confusion

I ask a student “what kind of food do you like?”

She says sushi

“What kind of sushi”

The students in this class were excitable and chimed in each time.

This time (as usual because they dont know the fish names in english) She begins talking with the kids around her trying to figure out what the english word is for the sushi she likes

But the teacher jumps in and shuts it all down

Because the students are just way too shy to talk in front of the class. Their english is too bad. They cant.

Its extra aggrivating because the teachers at this school range from good to decent - except him. That was a second year class. The last time i was at this school the first years had a introduction 1 on 1 test - with me. And i was to ask them a question at the end. With the other 3 teachers when i asked the question if they didnt understand. I would try saying it in another way. If they still didnt understand - i would answer my question as an example. If they still didnt understand i would give them answers like

“What tv do you like” “do you like anime?” Wait for yes or no “do you like youtube” wait for yes or no (and so on)

If they still didnt understand (very few got here) the japnese teacher would translate the question)

And. If they still didnt understand. We would give them an answer and coax them into repeating after us.

If they didnt. Then they didnt get the point for answering the question.

This teacher. Him being the 4th teacher to do this test with me. Would IMMEDIATELY translate the question if the student didnt answer quickly after me asking it once and then talk to them in japanese and tell me their answer or make one up to me with something like “oh ahah they dont know when yet. So he doesnt know. Maybe he ate breakfast before school!” And then would shoo the student away and call in the next.

^^^ and this is how most teachers are

They sit during class. They play unrelated videos. They spend half the class acting like theyre too confused about their plan to even teach the class (but if i try to do ANYTHING like talk to a student while they sit in front of the class rummaging through their folder going “うーん」 「じゃ」「じゃあー」「そして」「それから」「えーとー」 theyll instruct SOMETHING or play some recording over and over) have i mentioned how they never seem to want to talk in english or listen to students talk in english in english class?? Most of the time theyre just having aside conversations about nonsense in japanese. They read everything themselves despite me being there - in a way where they really just wannt hear themselves talk in english.

Just in general. I hate when teachers talk about me in front of me and dont tell me what the fuck theyre saying. And it’s annoying when students ask them stuff in japanese about me and then the students look at me waiting for me to respond/the teacher to translate their question- but the jte doesnt translate. Or they ask a question that im not in charge of the answer for so even though i understood the question they asked the jte i cant answer them because its not my decision and the jte doesnt wanna look like the asshole that gives them an answer they dont like so they just dont respond so that i look like the dick whose ignoring the students

They do this with regular questions too. Sometimes i hear the whole question and understand. So when the students look to me and the jte goes silent - i answer - then the jte gets all out of sorts because 1) they wanted me to look like an asshole who doesnt wanna talk to the students 2) they deemed the questions not important and didnt want it answered 3)ew! The alt knows more japanese than i thought and she knows what im doing and thats a little embarrassing also what else have i said in front of her today that she might have understand - awkward 4) oh no if students know she understands some japanese they might ask her stuff and i wont be the only means of the alt and students communicating 5) that awk silence just showed the students that i didnt plan to translate something to her and i wanted to blame her and say she doesnt wanna answer that but now i was made a liar of

These arent personal queations btw. For example a student asked why does the guy in one peice eat a lollypop in the america version instead of smoke a cigarette?

This is an incomplete liste. Just. Honestly being an ALT is draining.

I feel like im at a restaurant again just waisting my life away waiting tables.

I actually really like english so being forced to listen to people who are supposed to teach it - purposely teach it wrong and force me to use it incorrectly hurts

I hate watching people suck at their jobs....and be rewarded for sucking at their job

I hate feeling like an outsider in my workplace.

I wanna feel like a real teacher.... not a clown

I hate doing something where nothing i say, do, or feel matters.

That last one. I hate that i can be treated like shit in my workplace AND get in trouble for not thanking people FOR treating me like shit. Not just take it. Take it with a smile!!!

I try to focus on the good things... but its just so damn hard cause ther far and few between and honestly i just wanna feel like im actually an educator to my students and like i can actually be a teacher with the ones who like me and come talk to me and stuff. But its not like i have have a teacher student relationship with them - i cant be part of their school activities. I cant go to their school events. I wont be at the school with them for more than a year.

Even at good schools when the teachers like that you talk with the students - i always feel this vibe of ‘keep it superficial’ dont become an adult they would trust. Its like you can feel them watching - ready to jump in when they think the student should stop petting the stray before they get fleas

I have a lot of teachers i remember fondly. Who id talk to when i saw them even when i didnt have their class anymore. Id tell kids in grades below me that they were lucky if they got them. When i hear about things happening at the school after i leave im happy to hear they got something good. Teachers who helped me understand something better or were just nice to the obvious loser in the class or made me laugh

I wanna be one of them....

Not the police man that came into school a couple times. Or the guy with the birds. Or the nice lunch lady who let you take food when you didnt have money and pay it back the next day.

I wanna be a teacher with a name.

Or at least. Do one of the only things im actually good at

So this job is unfulfilling

[the-shield-of-ares]

the signs IMO

aries: can’t fuckin chill for one goddamn second. everythin is a fight to u. stop yelling im 2 metres away from you. maybe i should be 200000 metres away from you BYE. u need to get ur ass kicked. egoistic bastards. they’re not even that egoistic in reality they’re just big fuckin babies but they gotta put on this dumbass mask so nobody can hurt their stupid fragile feelings. suck a fuck arians

taurus: fuckin sloths. ur not as cool as u think u are. stop acting so fuckin chill when i kno ur dyin on the inside. also fuckin leave the house once a while alright. ever heard of vitamin d? didnt think so. bitch. chocolate ice cream is their religion

gemini: DEAR FUCKIN LORD FORBID WE HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS. DEAR FUCKIN LORD FORBID I TALK TO U . fuckin blabbing all the fuckin time. 24/7 non stop. can’t chill for 2 secs eve n if it depended on their life. ur like an eastern european old lady at christmas dear god help me. they also leave the house only when the wifi is down. they go to the palce they kno has free wifi. leave me the hell alone two face d bitches

cancer: fuckin cry babies. always the victim and always has a reason to cry. gets offended because the leaves fall from the trees in autumn. tells at least 20 lies a day. manipulates and cries their way through life. probably through sex too. sissy ass little bitches thinkin they the shit. guess what. ur not. fuckin satan in disguise. no t the cool kind of satan tho. 

leo: do u think about anytihng else other than clothes and being in the spotlight? didnt think so . get off social media and get a grip. this isnt fuckin kim kardashian reality tv show. dumbasses. favorite hobby is throwing shade at ppl they kno through statuses on facebook. doesn’t have a life outside of social media unless they get hammered. put s on glitter to go to the store. has 20+ crushes at the same time and gets heartbroken about each and every one. my god. disgusting

virgo: MY FUCiNG GOD. grown up babies. u is not always right. there’s filth in this world too. get over it. and dont bring the vacuum cleaner to the party pls thanx. nobody is interested in shakespeares gay ass poems either. fuck off vorgis. lubes their dick and ass with hand sanitizer

libra: BITCH YOU’RE NOT EVEN REAL. HAVE U EVER HEARD OF STATING UR OPINION WITHOUT GIVING A SHIT. real life words i’ve heard come from a libra “have you tried charming them” BUH BYE. fake ass bitches

scorpio: calm down satan princess/ this isnt hell. and its also healthy to let go of grudges. please dont kill me because i dont like cats. also stop staring at people like they killed your family in front of your eyes. fuckin freaks 

sagittarius: def not as cool as you think you are. def not the party animal u say u are. stop bein a fuck up and a little bitch and settle down for ONE FUCKIN THING IN YOUR LIFE. also u not as philosophical as u think, no real facts just fancy vocabulary. likes big words cuz they think it makes them smart. it doesnt. suck my dick sag fags

capricorn: dear fucking lord. all of u stay the FUCK AWAY FROM ME. always ready to fuk u up without even listening to u first. think they kno what u saying before u even say it. they have a funny way of twisting ur words. shows the convos with u to all of their friends. pretentious little fucks. theyre gonna gauge ur eyes out for asking if they r ok when they’re sad. then they gonna flip out cuz ur “never there for them” or “don’t pay attention to them” and then they gonna go like nothing ever happened a while later. fuck u honestly. fuck u in the ass capricorns. fuckin spawns of satan

aquarius: def not emotionless. definitely too fuckin sissy to show their tru emotions. will wear a dress made out of plastic flowers and shit just to show their “UNIQUE INTELLECTUAL REBEL SIDE”. fuck off aquas . fuck off. their world crashes down when their intellectuality and opinions are being questioned . fuck off alright u and ur dumbass lana del ray aesthetics. they prolly run a hipster blog too. ew. definitely has a poster of a sexy alien in their room

pisces: D R A M A QUEENS. attention whores, m y god have you ever heard of privacy????????????????????????? THE WHOLE WORLD DOESNT HAVE TO KNO ALL OF UR PERSONAL SHIT. if they got a problem with you theyre gonna drag you to a crowd of ppl and start their shit there. god forbid they talk to you alone about it. they all just wanna be super duper artistic but all they do is fuckin zone out and day dream about some gay shit prolly. i dont know. dont wanna go into their heads. i love and respect myself too much to wanna see whats goin on in a pisces head.  they all post pics of their collar bones and their “90′s pastel grunge torn up jeans” on social media. no matter what happens they are always the victim, and everybody hurts them. fuck off and grow a pair and tell it how it is aight. sick and tired of ur bullshit

[janiedean]

Actually it'd be weird to assume people on other continents are living the same way than us, when the city next door, like 3 hours away is in another country with a different mindset and language. However, what do you think could be done to reverse this tendency to try to guilt trip everyone? Because, in my very eu pov, I think it kind of aggravates to gap between people in the same countries and they may end up with trump 2 the way they're going.

a) traveling more and with that I mean at least within the US (I mean over there state A also has wildly different customs from state B so maybe same language but different mindset)

b) studying things in school with fucking context meaning that you study all of world history and not just your country’s own and you don’t gloss over the bad stuff (like I find it unacceptable that some people wouldn’t know that there wasn’t the draft in vietnam)

c) fucking forbidding homeschooling and making sure all school adhere to a certain curricula IE schools where creationism is taught shouldn’t even be a thing nor your religious parents homeschooling you without teaching things they don’t want you to know

d) instead of being overtly PC or overtly un-PC, make sure that ppl are actually up to date when it comes to what shit *white anglosaxon* pulled on native populations maybe speaking with the aforementioned minorities everywhere (same for black people obv) but also realize that privilege is not tied to BEING WHITE, it’s tied to being white anglosaxon protestant or passing for one and getting taught also that **white people** went through enough crap back in the day (again: oklahomans during the great depression if we don’t wanna touch the european immigrants topic)

e) studying other countries’ history in relative depth same as we do with theirs (I mean, UK at least. or general european. and other continents’)

f) teaching in school that talking to ppl you disagree with might get them to change their minds easier than guilt tripping them

g) travel to other countries

h) kill the notion that if your great grandparents came from country X you’re not American, you’re from that country. no. if you were born in the US you’re american-something at most. there’s nothing wrong with that. but good lord saying that *italians* live in new jersey when their family’s been there for generations just helps this concept that over here it works like over there

i) kill the use of the word race in any other sense than ‘general human race’ that would solve a bunch of issues in one go first of all getting people to finally understand why in the rest of the world racism is a thing that happens regardless of skin color

l) get people to learn more about their own culture without demonizing it or without making them hate it. like I detest when I hear this dumbass argument that ‘american white people have no culture’ because guess what most of my favorite novels/music/movies/art (which are in fact culture) come from... white american artists/writers/musicians. and these people made great things and I hate how people go like ‘nah doesn’t exist’ when it does in fact exist. stop guilt tripping yourself.

m) after that, just realize that y’all live in one fucking country that has one US american culture that might be divided in a lot of sub-others but this idea that black culture is a thing and white culture is another (if it exists obv) and they can’t coexist and be shared is ridiculous. like if you want to all live together just learn to share and coexist and it’s gonna go a lot better and you’ll learn that sharing cultures is a good thing and you won’t guilt trip people (obv that doesn’t count for, like, sacred things that can’t be shared outside the culture but I mean in general) and you’ll stop guilt tripping people from other countries

if that also comes with a general good dose of ‘teaching US americans that cultural imperialism and subtle imperialism are a thing’ - since I’m 90% sure that most US people have no idea of how many foreign governments the CIA tampered with in other countries bc they were too against US interests - it wouldn’t do a lick of damage because at least people would have an idea of what it really means to be against US imperialism/centrism rather than saying they are against it and then keeping on saying US centric shit anyway.

that’s mvho obviously.

and maybe get more ppl to read kurt vonnegut outside of high school and outside of slaughterhouse five like a lot of trump voters could benefit from reading god bless you mr rosewater I’m entirely srs

[urbxntwilight]

I just think beauty is bullshit and makeup culture is bullshit and dieting culture is bullshit not to be all We Live In A Society but I look at myself naked in the mirror and immediately notice things I wish weren't there even though they're supposed to be there and my body is just like that why are constantly mocking and laughing and hating and shaming ourselves and others for shit abt our bodies that is Fucking Natural

like all men talk abt is how they want a girl w big titties and make fun of girls w big titties for having 'pepperoni nipples' or mocking girls for having hair under their arms and on their legs or making sexist memes abt how gross "hairy pussy" is or the "fishy pussy smell" when it's supposed to have hair and it's supposed to smell who cares if it's gross it's supposed to be like that

actually the fact that there are fucking names for natural body stuff tht ppl deem unattractive you have 'strawberry legs' bc of the red dots on ur legs cuz u shaved them that's gross oh you have 'thunder thighs' cuz ur overweight haha that's gross ew u have a 'muffin top' cuz ur fat haha oh u have 'cankles' eww and the fucking fact that men n women perpetuate this bs

u have no fucking idea how much these little offhand comments abt ppls appearances can do to their self esteem and confidence bc it's happened to me and I guarantee it's happened to u too

u have men n women killing themselves and dying from anorexia trying to be thin bc no matter how much they starved themselves they weren't thin enough and they believed that they'll finally be happy with themselves when they're thin bc media n shit has told everyone that ur unlovable and deserved to be treated as subhuman if ur fat or "morbidly obese" (which is such a gross term)

fat people get told the grossest most dehumanizing shit every day of their lives bc they had the audacity to Exist While Fat and then ppl will just say it's bc they 'care abt their health' and then turn around and get blackout drunk at a quiznos

there are grown women who are Petrified of going outside without makeup on bc they were taught that the way they naturally look isnt presentable or attractive and women bond over the amount of weight they 'need' to lose and 14 year old girls developing eating disorders bc someone on tiktok said if u pinch ur arm and it's more than an inch of skin ur fat or some bullshit and putting makeup over their acne effectively making the acne worse bc god forbid ppl know that u have skin and r going through puberty and little south asian girls crying while tweezing their eyebrows bc the other kids will make fun of them if they have a unibrow or dark skinned girls rubbing fucking bleach on their skin cuz u don't wanna look like a 'd*rky' or whatever the shit and oh ur lips r too thin haha u have no lips oh haha ur lips r too big u look like a fish ew u have cellulite on ur ass haha ur boobs r lopsided haha u have acne on ur back n face haha ur ears stick out haha ur body jiggles when u move haha

and I get that ppl wear makeup n fancy clothes cuz they wanna look their best n that's fine I just feel like u should only wear makeup if ur comfortable with urself as you are without it you don't even have to convince urself that ur perceived flaws r "beautiful" u just have to Accept them and make peace w ur own body bc it's yours

ppl can do makeup for themselves when the Kardashians r selling makeup to put on your fucking legs bc u can't let anyone know that irl u don't look like a cover model whose every imperfection was airbrushed into oblivion no I don't believe ppl r doing that shit for 'themselves' ur fucking lyingggg

like do I constantly have to be trying to be Beautiful and Sexy can't I just be alive

like no I'm not gonna wear makeup I'm not gonna watch ur fucking YouTube tutorials I'm not gonna buy ur diarrhea tea u r going to respect me as I am and as I look like on a normal day and ur going to fucking deal with it it's bullshit it's bullshit it's bullshittttttttttttt

[recentnews18-blog]

New Post has been published on https://shovelnews.com/why-we-shouldnt-be-surprised-pete-davidson-joked-about-his-split-from-ariana-grande/

Why We Shouldn't Be Surprised Pete Davidson Joked About His Split From Ariana Grande

Is all fair in love and post-break-up art?

That is the question when it comes to Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson‘s recent split, as the two are now navigating the rocky waters of moving on after such a high-profile and public engagement. And unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like they are exactly on the same page when it comes to addressing their split. 

On Thursday, Grande, 25, took to Twitter to seemingly blast Davidson, 24, for using their break-up as fodder in a new Saturday Night Live promo. 

“She wasn’t amused by Pete’s jokes at all,” a source close to the “God Is a Woman” singer told E! News. “They made an agreement that they would not address their relationship or discuss it after they split up. He violated that agreement.” 

Another source, however, said “it’s not true” that Davidson “violated any agreement.” 

And for Davidson, using the darker experiences from his past, the ones other people usually hide away from unless they are sitting on a therapist’s couch, is an integral part of his comedy, and has become one of his stand-up signatures.

“I’m like, ‘Heyyyy, I just want to talk about this, that everybody’s uncomfortable about.’ I like doing that,” he told The New York Times in 2015. “I like making things that are dark, awkward, weird things that you don’t really find funny, funny.”

This often includes referencing his father—Scott Davidson, a firefighter was killed on 9/11—during his routines, a loss that impacted him in the way only losing a beloved parent at seven years old can.

One example of his coping comedy? “I always regretted growing up without a dad…until I met your dad, Justin,” Davidson said to Justin Bieber during the Comedy Central roast for the pop star in 2015. “Now I’m glad mine’s dead.”

If you’re feeling a little unsettled by that joke, well, that was Davidson’s intention, with the 24-year-old’s brand of sort-of-offensive-humor helping him become one of SNL‘s youngest cast members ever. 

After his father’s tragic passing, Davidson’s mother told the Times, “It was sad how sad he was growing up,” adding he began acting out in school, and even ripped all of his hair out until he was bald during one particularly rough period.

And then when he was 16, Davidson began doing stand-up. “I feel very safe—you can say whatever you want,” he said.

Making people uncomfortable while on stage is Davidson’s comfort—even when it’s at his own expense, owning his losses before they can possibly be used against him.

And this exactly what he did when he referenced his recent split with Grande his during the promo released for Saturday Night Live‘s Nov. 3 show. In it, Davidson jokingly asks musical guest Maggie Rogers, “You wanna get married?”

When she declines, a sad Davidson says, “0 for three.”

It wasn’t the first time Davidson had brought up the broken engagement—it was just the first time he did it on such a big stage. And his ex-fiancee definitely noticed.

“For somebody who claims to hate relevancy [you] sure love clinging to it huh,” she wrote, adding, “Thank [you], next.” Grande didn’t refer to Davidson directly, but the subtweets were pretty darn clear.

She then retweeted a user who wrote. “SNL is about to milk their breakup just like they did with the engagement” as well as an edited clip of Maggie turning Pete down.

BACKGRID

Some people cry. Some people go to therapy. Some people write a song. Davidson takes to the stage, turning his insecurities into comedic ammunition. 

“Things that I feel really sad about, I talk about,” he told Interview magazine in 2014. That way, if it’s funny, it doesn’t hurt anymore.”

But is there a line when it comes to talking about his high-profile split with one of the world’s biggest pop stars? There’s a fine line when it comes to personal and private when it relates to art and it’s one Davidson and Grande clearly have a difference of opinions on, which makes sense given their respective careers. 

No one is holding punches when it comes to stand-up comedy. Everything and everyone is fair game, for better or for worse.  

Music—and more specifically songwriting—however, is all about innuendo and veiled references. Taylor Swift had the entire Internet deducting every lyric (and liner note) with her Red album in 2012, desperately trying to crack the code to figure out which of her ex-boyfriends inspired each song. 

“The more it seems like a journal entry the better,” said Swift. “The more it seems like an open letter the better. The more true and honest and real it gets the better,” Swift told Songwriter Universe in 2012. “Where you’re naming the places you went and the time it happened and all the things about a relationship.”

Grande seemed to allude to her break up with Mac Miller (who later died of an apparent drug overdose in September at the age of 26) after years of dating on and off on the song “Better Off.”

While she almost didn’t include the song on the album, Grande explained on Twitter, “[because] at first i was nervous about like……. it coming true. if that makes sense. more honest than i was ready to be w myself at the time (its [very] old). but it’s beautiful and has always been one of my favs and i’m very happy she’s on there.”

She directly referenced her then-fiancee Davidson on a song named after him, which she wrote shortly after they began dating. 

“I just made it and I sent it to him and I didn’t know what to call it, so I just called it ‘Pete.’ It was going to be that or like, ‘This Is About Pete Davidson,'” she told Jimmy Fallon. “I was like why not just be direct?”

And she tweeted about the song, telling her fans, “Music lasts forever. It’ll outlive any tattoo, any memory, any anything, even myself so i want my love for him and how i feel to be a part of that.”

But it wasn’t just Grande being direct about their love, as Davidson also talked openly about his romance during interviews and stand-up sets.  

During Saturday Night Live‘s season 44 premiere in late September, just before the split, Davidson made several references to his relationship with the pop star. 

He told Colin Jost during Weekend Update, “I got engaged and no one could believe it. I can’t believe it and I get it. She’s number one pop star in the world and I’m that guy from SNL everyone thinks is in desperate need of more blood.”

He even discussed their prenup situation, jokingly explaining, “Obviously I wanted one. So God forbid we split up and she takes half my sneakers? No, look, I’m totally comfortable being with a successful woman. I think it’s dope. I live at her place. She pays 60 grand for rent and all I have to do is stock the fridge.”

Clearly, Davidson knew who was “the settler” and “the reacher” in the relationship. The joke was always on him and he was OK with that.

But some of his humor received some backlash during their relationship, especially a joke he made on SNL about switching Grande’s “birth control with tic tacs,” as well as a comment he made about the Manchester Arena bombing during a comedy set in July. Davidson reportedly made light of his then girlfriend’s level of fame by joking, “Britney Spears didn’t have a terrorist attack at her concert.” 

A few days after Davidson’s comments, Grande addressed the controversy on Twitter. 

In response to one user who said Grande should break up with her fiancé over the insensitive remark, she said, “This has been v tough & conflicting on my heart. he uses comedy to help ppl feel better ab how f-ed up things in this world are. we all deal w trauma differently. I of course didn’t find it funny. it was months ago & his intention wasn’t/ is never malicious but it was unfortunate.” 

Post-split, Davidson’s humor about the relationship kept the same self-deprecating angle, including the SNL promo that sent Grande to Twitter. 

“Pete never said her name in the joke,” a source told E! News of the comments. “It wasn’t a joke about her, it was self-deprecating.”

And the source continued that Davidson is doing what he usually does during a difficult period of his life: filtering his heartbreak through humor. 

Instagram

“Pete’s way of dealing with the breakup is through jokes, but he’s doing just fine and is moving forward,” the insider said. 

Davidson first publicly spoke about the split when he co-hosted the comedy show Judd & Pete for America in October, addressing the elephant in the room pretty damn quickly. 

“Well, as you could tell, I don’t want to be here. There’s a lot going on,” Pete told the crowd. “Does anybody have any open rooms? Looking for a roommate?”

In addition to joking about his lack of housing, the comedian also brought up their infamous matching tattoo (which she’s already been covering up post-split).

“So, obviously you know [Ariana and I] broke up or whatever but when me and her first got engaged we got tattoos, and it was like in a magazine like, ‘Was Pete Davidson stupid?’ And 93% of it said yes,” he said. “”So my boy, he was like, ‘Don’t listen to that s–t man. They’re literally f–king haters.’ And I’m like, yeah, f–k that. I’m not stupid. And the other day we were in my kitchen and he was like, ‘Yo bro. Turns out you were stupid.'”

As for Grande, who is prepping for her Sweetener World Tour in 2019, she’s stayed mostly silent, save for some interactions with her fans on Twitter, before taking to the social media platform following the SNL promo to seemingly call out her ex. 

“Time to say bye bye to the internet for just a lil bit. It’s hard not to bump news n stuff that i’m not tryna to see rn,” she posted—then deleted—on Instagram Stories in Mid-October. “It’s very sad and we’re all tryin very hard to keep goin. love u. and thank u for bein here always.”

Now, after Davidson’s jokes referencing the broken engagement, a source told E! News that Grande is “really hurt” and knowing he would see her tweets, she “hopes that he will have enough respect to not do it again.”

We guess we’ll all have to wait and see what happens live from Saturday night…

Don’t miss E! News every weeknight at 7 p.m., only on E!

Source: https://www.eonline.com/news/983233/why-we-shouldn-t-be-surprised-pete-davidson-joked-about-his-split-from-ariana-grande

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz/dbo 22.05.17 lb

holy shit this legit took me like 3 hours to complete. fuck meeeeeeeeee. i’m very smol and tired, i can’t handle this amount of drama on the daily yougaiz. fairly sure this week of episodes IS GOING TO KILL ME DEAD. 😥😥😥

plain text version here. 

FOR FUCKS SAKE SOMEONE GIVE RUDRA NEW CLOTHES, KAB TAK IS COCKROACH KA KHAAYA HUA TSHIRT PEHNE HUE GHOOMEGA???? HE’S AN OBEROI. THEY’RE RICH. KUCH TOH IMAGE KA KHAYAAL RAKHO! 😒😒😒

…how is NT rich enough to arrange for a BOMB? like… that stuff costs money. also specialised labour to put it together. 🤔🤔🤔

yeah you’d know what the chakkar was if you bothered keeping in touch with your poor older brother who’s handling EVERYTHING alone. hmph. 😑😑😑

such tadi, much style, waaah. 😎😎😎

5 minutes for dramatic posturing. while sahil is in danger. praan jaaye par swag na jaaye. 😏😏😏

shivani has transferred her buri nazar to kunal these days, by now putting HIM in these awful boxy vest waistcoat things, that make him look like he has a winnie the pooh body. COME ON MAN!!!!!! LAANAT HAI TUMPE FOR MAKING MY HANDSOME BOY LOOK LIKE THIS. 😩😩😩

for once, shivaay called a brother for backup. FOR ONCE. matlab itne bhai paal ke kyun rakha hai, agar kaam na aaye? 🙄🙄🙄

PICK UP YOU FUCKING IDIOTS. RUDRA HAS SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😣😣😣

yuppppp, these vans are desi kidnapper vehicle of choice. to this day i’m terrified whenever i see one. 😕😕😕

OMG KHANNA ACTUALLY USING HIS BRAIN??? OH HAPPY DAY. 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

… of course, shivaay ignores him on that one day. 😒😒😒

um, if you die, who tf is gonna save sahil? honestly shivaay, you’re so damn stupid sometimes. 😑😑😑

great, not one, but both are being stupid today. 

but i’ve come to expect it of om after how he’s been just walking into havelis with ppl who wanna kill him and just getting lured into cages and shit. you used to be the smartest boy, om. oh how the mighty have fallen. 😔😔😔

GOD FORBID KHANNA ACTUALLY DO HIS DUTY AND OPEN THE FUCKING VAN HIMSELF!?!?!?! 😒😒😒

ok they were still waaaay toooo close for them to be uninjured by a whole van blowing up. 😶😶😶 

also what if sahil was IN the fucking vannnnnnnn you motherfucking idiots?!!?!?!?! god i am so angry at all of you rn. DON’T BE PLAYING WITH MY CHILD’S LIFE LIKE THIS!!!!! 😡😡😡

oh. nowwww he thinks about if sahil was in it. ekkkkkkk jhaap mein… 😤😤😤

ugh return of the insufferable shivaay of yore. NO. WE DON’T LIKE THIS BOY. WE LIKE NEW SHIVAAY™. SOFT AND SELF AWARE SHIVAAY WHO TALKS IN FIRST PERSON. 😌😌😌

i’m sweatingggggg like cray just looking at the SWEATER kunal is wearing. shivani, y u hate my boys lyk dis? 😟😟😟

oBro hugzzzzzzzz. better than drugssss. 😊😊😊

is this same basti where they did poster hunt? 🤔🤔🤔

anika got her game face onnnn. 😏😏😏

oufffffff, NT is starting to get on nerves now. khatam karo yaaar yeh track. 😠😠😠

anika’s playing real estate agent in own house. best. 🙄🙄🙄

BITCH WHAT YOU SAYYYYYYY ABOUT SAHILLLLLLLLLLL 😡😡😡

look at SHIVAAAAAAAY SINGH OBEROIIIIII take the help of unsavoury looking members of public! 😧😧😧

11 saal??? how the f did sahil age 4 years in these few months??? 😯😯😯

if this lady is just a parent of some friend of sahil’s, how would she know sahil has taken SPECIAL CHUTTI from boarding school???? 🤔🤔🤔

behenji ki battiiiiiiii jali. 💡💡💡

BAAD MEIN PHONE KAROGI? HELLO, WHAT ABOUT AKSHAY???? HE HAS TO CUT HIS BIRTHDAY CAKE!!!!!!! 🎂🎂🎂

mmmm cake. i could use some cake rn. 😋😋😋

she hasssssss the magic powerrrrrr of THOUGHT. 😒😒😒

you know NOWWWWW. abhi gila shikwa karne se kya faida? 😐😐😐

“tum ro kyun rahi ho??? roti hui bilkul achchi nahi lagti.”

OH UM MAYBE COZ HER BROTHER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED? I THINK IT’S PRETTY APPROPRIATE TO CRY. 😒😒😒

ALSO WHO GIVES A F ABOUT KAISI “LAGTI HOON” WHEN MY FUCKING BROTHER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED?!?!?!? FUCK OFF WITH YOUR BS STANDARDS OF BEAUTY BRO! 😠😠😠

ohhhh hoooooooo, redemptionnnnnnnnn track. 😏😏😏

… how did he just convert a regular phone call into a SKYPE video chat??? 🤔🤔🤔

OMG. HE’S IN THE PAANI. BECAUSE OF NT KA TAAAAIRNE WAALA STATEMENT. 😧😧😧

…. ok suddenly its NIGHT now? 😐😐😐

snort, om came home and instantly got caught up in his own issues. sahil who? bomb blast what? 😂😂😂

why does jhanvi have oxygen cylinder and mask just… lying around in her room? 🤔🤔🤔

CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHO THE F THE FAKE SVETLANA IS? LIKE… IS SHE A KAPOOR OR NOT? AND HOW LONG HAS SHE BEEN IN THIS DISGUISE? WAS THIS FAKE ONE THE ONE WE SAW FROM THE START IN IB, OR DID SHE REPLACE THIS ONE SOMETIME IN THE MIDDLE? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONSSSSSSSS AND NO ANSWERS!!!!!! 😩😩😩

why is real svetlana dressed like an airhostess? 😕😕😕

“main shaadi-shuda hoon. mujhpe dore daalna bandh karo." 

svetlana’s BITCH PLEASE face at that lmaooooo. 😂😂😂

pft, you’ve been failing at EVERYTHING for the past 3 months, om. leave the smug overconfidence to your big bro who actually does get things right occasionally. 🙄🙄🙄

why the f should there be FOOTPRINTS on marble/tile flooring????? 🤔🤔🤔

fauxlana is (relatively) smart. i like. 😌😌😌

pft, don’t be making awaiiiii ka regret face for red herring purposes. we know you got him. you wouldn’t return otherwise. 🙄🙄🙄

damnnnn, reyhna is so fucking gorgeous. i am in loveeeeeeee. 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

lol ok real-lana’s bholi bhaali way of talking is kinda throwing me off. 😆😆😆

amazing how she’s been comatose in a freezer for god knows how long, but her memory and muscle function and all are A-OK! 😊😊😊

meanwhile, i struggle to move my goddamn limbs and form a coherent thought without even having been thrown in a freezer. 😖😖😖

aaaaaaaaaaand gauri is out. 😐😐😐

glucose daale bina hi, magically the glass of glucose paani got made. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 

this outfit of gauri’s looks pretty much like that white salwar of anika’s that she sleeps in these days, no? 😗😗😗

LOL FAUXLANA AND THIS FREEZER OF HERS. 😂😂😂

the scene changes are too fucking abrupt ok. 😕😕😕

come on, this child is not 11. look how tinguuuuuu he is. my little cupcake. i could eat him up in just oneeee bite. 👶🏽👶🏽👶🏽

WHATCHOO DOING JUST STANDING THERE, GET IN THE HUGGGG, BROOOO. 😚😚😚

YAAAAAAAAS!!!!!!!!! 😊😊😊

LOOK AT MY LITTLE FAMILY. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO PERFECT. I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

wow, she just gave it away instantly WHERE gauri is. 😐😐😐

… what temperature range can a FREEZER have that a human being can stay alive in? science side of tumblr, please help. 🤔🤔🤔

"tumhari biwi JAM KE mar jaayegi" 

lol idk why that sentence is making me lol. 😂😂😂

why does he care about gauri all of a sudden now? he was perfectly fine leaving her to die/be raped and tortured at kali thakur’s. 😒😒😒

ok fauxlana is LOSING it. 😬😬😬

arre waah, fond flashbacks. apna bhai pighal raha hai. 😏😏😏

ok and what did throwing that bottle even accomplish? also how did fauxlana move before he even threw it, if she was super engrossed in her badle ki bhaavna waala lecture? 😒😒😒

arre idiot, if you had a gun, pehle hi istemaal kar deti uska. 🙄🙄🙄

amazing how both the omkara waala scene and anika waala scene are supposed to be happening in the SAME LOCATION of oberoi mansion (the foyer in front of the main door), but… nope. 😕😕😕

it’s really like they exist in some different realms or something. 😐😐😐

pfffffffft. “angry aur young” hone ka bas tune theka le rakha is ghar mein? 🙄🙄🙄

why did they show a smoking disclaimer when no one is smoking in the scene?? 🤔🤔🤔

heaaaaaaaavvvvy foreshadowing that shivaay isn’t pinky’s beta. 🙈🙈🙈

ouffff oh, this idiot still doesn’t know of mummeh’s involvement. yaaaaaar, by the end of this week at least? please? 😩😩😩

also kaaahe ka mahasangam???? bas IB and DBO ka episode has been edited together into one video instead of two different ones. none of the characters are interacting aapas mein beyond that one oBro scene. the rest of the week better not be like this is2g. 😠😠😠😤😤😤

roleeeeeeeeee playinggggg. againnnnnn. this man is incorrigible. 😏😏😏

bewakoofi toh yeh february se hi dikhaata aa raha hai.  matlab kuch dino ke liye shivaay ki nazar isse hatti, aur isne bas apna hi nahi, SABKI life ki OH MY MAATA kar rakha hai. 😒😒😒

paanch minute? timer says 1 minute and few seconds though? honestly. why wouldn’t you pay attention to shit like this, production team? 😒😒😒

BUAAAAA MAAAA TO THE RESCUE. 👵🏽👵🏽👵🏽

lmao gauri developing freezer burn like she’s a bag of frozen peas. 😂😂😂

WHERE DOES FAUXLANA KEEP PULLING THESE MULTIPLE SYRINGES FROM?????? 😟😟😟

ok the timer on that thing is def broken. 😐😐😐

lmaoooooo fauxlana’s impatience and side-eyeing om’s uselessness is so me. 😂😂😂

ALSO GIRL YES, YOU HAVE A GUN, WHY THE F WOULDN’T YOU JUST SHOOT HER?????? LIKE… 🤔🤔🤔

ABBE OHHHH HERO, APNI BIWI KO BACHA. NOT THIS RANDOM FREEZER GIRL WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE YOUR FATHER’S MISTRESS. 😑😑😑

… lol whatever om, you think she gives a rat’s ass about you? your ass will die first then. 😂😂😂

JUST SHOOT HIM FAUXLANA! 😫😫😫

lol idek what team i am on anymore. i’m just all the teams i guess lololol. 😂😂😂

LMAOOOOOOO JAANE NAHI DENGE TUJHE AGAIN. THE FUCKKKKK, HOW MANY TIMES WILL THEY USE THIS SONGGGGGGGG? 😅😅😅

they should have just played ‘saathiya’. it’s more hearttttwrenching than this stupid song. 😐😐😐

please note: her freezer burn is magically gone. 😗😗😗

pffffffffft, CPR as kissssss scene is coming up. MAJORRRR eye rolling happening here, but also some involuntary squeeing. because despite all logic and sane thinking, dil toh hai dil, dil ka aitbaaar kya kiiiije. 🤐🤐🤐

lol uske beech mein fauxlana - buamaa theatrics. could you ppl let me focus???? 😑😑😑

lolllllllllll they had time to script and film this with real-lana in the middle of all this. amazing. 😑😑😑 

buamaa toh badi shaatir nikli. maybe shivaay gets it from her? 😊😊😊

oufff oh, iska abhi tak GAURI UTHO GAURI UTHO ka jaap hi chal raha hai. abbe jo karna hai, kissy wissy jo bhi hai, kar na. awaiiii ka time waste. 😒😒😒 

i could be watching shivaay/anika going about their kinky roleplaying in this time. hmph. 😤😤😤

first of all, is om even trained in CPR? like… why does HE have to give it to her? buamaa seems knowledgeable about it, why can’t she do it? 😕😕😕

lmaoooooooooooo omg fauxlana leaning to the side to see better as om approaches gauri. 

when your otp are about to kiss. #relatable 

ok are you ppl aware that the actual important part of CPR is the chest compression bit, not the mouth to mouth? in fact, people who aren’t trained in CPR are recommended to use ONLY chest compressions. 😐😐😐

but i guess asking for a scene for omkara "feeling up” gauri’s boobies (because you know, that’s what this whole scene is all about. the physical intimacy. 😒😒😒) is TOO MUCH for indian television. 

GOD OM DO IT ALREADY. DUS GHANTE LAGAAYEGA KYA? 😤😤😤

fauxlana getting jelly. does she have realllll feelings for omki shomki? girl, you shoulda focused on tapping it when you had the chance, instead of wasting time in all your other udddd-shud harkatein. 🙄🙄🙄

riKara shippers be like AGAIN!!!!!!!! MOAAAAAARRRRRR!!!! 😘😘😘

haaaaaaye, what a sight to wake up. ohhh to be gauriiii kumaaariiii ssssarma in this moment. 😇😇😇

ok my heart is doing tinglyyy things seeing his happy lovesick eyes. what a puppy. despite everything i’ve been yelling at him today, i love this boy so much. my omki shomki. 😍😍😍

heinnnnn, what was he raising his hands up to do? 🤔🤔🤔

yeah that means bye bye time for you now, gauri. 😐😐😐

at least you got two “kisses” out of your time, girl. udhar anika bechaari kabse pyaasi ghoom rahi hai. despite being “real wife” and all that. 😔😔😔

bloody shivaay. kuch seeekh apne chote bhaiyon se. 😒😒😒

… is it necessary to have this conversation IN FRONT OF THE POLICE AND FAUXLANA? 😒😒😒

btw, why are they still here? why hasn’t the police taken her yet? what are they waiting for, christmas? 

om be like “idk having a wife worked out good for shivaay. maybe i should keep this one? 🤔🤔🤔”

HER NAME ISN’T SVETLANA THO? LIKE WHAT IS HER REAL NAMEEEEE????? DOESN’T ANYONE CARE WHY SHE TOOK REAL-LANA’S FACE AND DID ALL THIS???? WHY AREN’T YOU PPL ASKING FOR EXPLANATIONS????????? 😩😩😩

oh hoooooo “kisiiii ne mujhseee kaha tha” and all… 😏😏😏

ok, actually physically dragging her out is unnecessary???? 😕😕😕

why does this girl wear her dupatta like a geriatric watchman wears a kambhal tho? 🙄🙄🙄

ouffff, dialoguebaazi bandh kar aur chalta ban. awaiiii ka naatak. 😒😒😒

god shrenu is soooo fucking pretty though. i can’t handle just how pretty she is. 😍😍😍

lmaoooo, gauri’s managed to get on bade bhaiyya’s radar. 😄😄😄 bade bhaiyya’s gonna make errrrything alrightttttt! #championOfOberoiBahus 😊😊😊