#like ford he seems nice he seems a LOT LESS NERVOUS than i am!!!! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

zombizombi · 6 years ago

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hummingbird heartbeat - pt43

Senior year put a lot on Bitty’s plate. Being out as a team captain was important to him -- being a good captain was important, but how did a person do that, exactly? What made a good captain? What had he appreciated about captains he’d had?

He needed to figure that out. He had a chance to inspire others by being out as an NCAA captain, and after this summer with Kent, he was facing a lot more pressure than before. Whether Bitty liked it or not, his performance as captain would reflect on LGBT people in general, not to mention his coaches, his parents, his boyfriends.

His boyfriends, plural.

That wasn’t even common knowledge, and Bitty was pretty sure Kent would rather die than have anyone know anything more about their personal life. Kent definitely couldn’t handle being publicly polyamorous, and honestly? Bitty didn’t think he could, either. His stomach hurt just thinking about it. He hadn’t really even told anyone he was also seeing Jack -- Lardo had sort of implied she knew, via text, but they’d never talked about it.

Balancing Kent and Jack was still… kind of hard, especially since Kent was physically so much further away than Jack. It was easy to make time for him because Bitty was used to that, he just -- worried, maybe, that talking on the phone and Skype wouldn’t be good enough. And Kent had Jeff so close, which wasn’t different, exactly, but it seemed more important than it had before. Like it might make Kent miss Bitty less.

Kent did not seem to think so. “How’s my captain?” he asked.

Bitty laughed. “I’m not your captain,” he said, phone to his ear as he walked to Faber.

“Yes you are,” said Kent. He paused. “Babe. What is it?”

“What’s what?”

“Eric,” said Kent. “You just told me you’re not my captain.”

Sometimes it could be really annoying, the way Kent always seemed to know something was wrong. Sweet. But annoying. “It’s just that I don’t really know what I’m doing,” Bitty said, quickly. “And it’s -- I don’t know.”

“Join the club,” Kent said. He paused. “But, Eric -- you’ve already, like, been a leader to some of these guys. I mean, all of last year you talked about Dex and Nursey and the new guys, and I think it was kind of obvious that they looked up to you? At least a little?”

Bitty blinked. Was it? “I guess,” he said. “I hadn’t really thought about that.” He pulled the door open.

“You got this,” said Kent. “You’re gonna be great.”

Maybe he was right.

That night, he RSVP’d yes to a meet and greet, hoping for the best. To his knowledge, Ransom, Holster, and Jack never attended any of the varsity captains’ meetups, but -- well, Bitty wasn’t Ransom, Holster, or Jack. Maybe talking to some other people in the same position would help? It couldn’t hurt to try, anyway.

At Annie’s, he peered around a bookshelf, staring at a group of students for just a moment. Ducking back behind it, he squared his shoulders. “Listen here,” he muttered to himself, “if talkin’ to other captains is what you need to do, then by golly that’s what ya need to --”

A voice interrupted his self pep talk. “Eric?”

He jumped a little. Oh, Lord, there were three of them.

“You’re Eric, right?” a girl asked.

Right, questions needed answers. “Oh! Hi!” he said. “That’s me! Eric Bittle.”

A short, dark-haired girl waved one hand. “I’m Shruti, I captain rugby.”

“And I’m Sharon -- I captain Ultimate,” said the other. “And this is Edgar -- he’s the volleyball captain.”

“We’re so glad you decided to come to the meet n’ greet!” said Edgar, leading them away from the bookcase and toward a group of people.

“Wow,” said Bitty, “everyone’s here. I guess -- I guess I’ve been missing out!”

“We know the men’s hockey team can be insular,” said Shruti.

“Cult-like,” Sharon cut in.

“Confusing and threatening to outsiders,” Edgar muttered.

“So it’s cool that you could make it,” Shruti finished.

Bitty sat in a chair, giving Shruti a nervous smile for a moment. It didn’t take long for them to break into conversation, and once they got going, it was… surprisingly easy. Chill, even.

“Yeah, dude!” said Shruti. “You had a like, a crazy summer? You don’t have to talk about it, but --”

“No, no, no!” Bitty said. He hadn’t wanted to mention the Cup and Kent and everything first, but everyone had to know, and -- Lord, crazy summer was such an understatement. Being the boyfriend of the first openly gay player in the NHL was… a lot. “It’s so weird, bringing it up -- I didn’t want to --”

“I mean, I guess I’ll just say it,” Shruti said. “A lot of the varsity captains are also in Samwell’s LGBT athletes?”

They were? That probably shouldn’t have surprised Bitty so much, but --

Shruti shrugged. “Not like I had the summer you had, so no assumptions... but like, I hope you’re not... overwhelmed.”

Well. “It’s pretty overwhelming,” Bitty admitted. He laughed a little, rubbed at the back of his neck. Overwhelming? Second understatement.

“Yeah… me and Edgar were talking about the write-up in the Samwell Daily,” said Sharon. “Man.”

Bitty winced. That write-up was really something.

“Oh my god, 100% written by a straight student,” said Edgar.

“Just, like, the captains are here for you and stuff, dude,” said Shruti, giving Bitty a warm smile.

“That’s so nice of y’all,” said Bitty.

“Even Chad L. from Lacrosse.” Shruti gestured to a guy in a white backwards cap standing behind them, talking to someone else. At the sound of his name, Chad L. looked up.

“Five on the beef,” he said, giving Bitty a thumbs up. “Brush the fuckin’ narp goss and nip ched all season, bro. Ripped.”

Oh, Lord. What did that even mean? It was a form of bro dialect that Bitty wasn’t entirely prepared for. “Oh! Um, thank you,” said Bitty, trying -- and failing -- not to think of all the times he’d heard Shitty say “fuck the LAX bros”.

“You guys should all come over for a kegster!” Bitty said. “I promise the Haus isn’t that haunted.”

“Oh my gosh, yes!” said Shruti. After a moment, she frowned. “Um, wait, did that loud guy with the giant chiclet teeth graduate yet?”

Chiclet teeth? Bitty laughed. “Holster?” he asked. “Yeah. He graduated.” The obvious relief on only made him laugh harder.

“Okay. Question. How did the fire over the summer start?”

“Well, that’s --” Bitty started to explain, but someone else cut in.

“Can someone please explain the hockey bro - lax bro rivalry I can’t tell most of y’all apart --”

Bitty laughed. It really felt like home. He was glad he’d come. True, he still had… hockey traditions to keep up with, of course, but having other team captains to talk to made him feel a little better about things.

Classes starting did not, to Bitty’s delight, bother him that much. He was done with French, thank the Lord, and since he’d actually enjoyed his classes with Professor Atley, she was serving as his thesis advisor. Not that he knew what he was going to be writing his thesis about, of course. He could… figure that out at a later date. There were plenty of way, way more important things to deal with -- like initiation.

Bitty wanted something good. Something fresh, even. The classics were classic for a reason, sure, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t make it his own. Chatting with Ford as they cleaned dishes one evening, Bitty mentioned the hockey team’s tradition. “You know, before the season starts and everything,” he said. “Just a little welcome to SMH.”

“So, hazing?” asked Ford.

“I mean, not like, hazing,” Bitty said, scrubbing the pan he’d baked the pound cake in. “Goodness. Nothing awful. We certainly won’t have any boys dyin’ on our watch or anything like that!”

“So like, a little Haze by Hazewest, then,” said Ford, drying some plates with a dish towel. “Creative, fun, but not as crazy as Hazing Man.”

Bitty laughed. “Yes,” he said, “exactly. Exactly!” He picked up a towel, running it over his pan. “We’ll just put our own little twist on it.” He paused. “Haze by Hazewest is perfect.”

Ford grinned.

That night, Bitty called Kent at their regular time, surprised to see him pick up the Skype call at his kitchen table. “Hi, honey,” he said.

“Hey, you.” Kent glanced back down at the table.

“You still working on school stuff?” Bitty asked.

“Yeah, but it’s -- it’s fine,” said Kent, waving a hand. His classes had started earlier than Samwell’s, and he was already taking something called multivariate calculus that Bitty had absolutely zero interest in understanding beyond the bright smiles Kent gave him when he figured something out. “How’re you?” Kent asked.

“Oh, you know,” Bitty said, “just gettin’ stuff together. Went through my equipment this morning. Isn’t it amazing how gross stuff gets when it sits for even a little while?”

“Truly,” said Kent. “Like mouth guards.”

Gross. “It reminded me that I meant to ask you the other day,” Bitty said. “Are you gonna wear your cage again this season?” The thought of dealing with another concussion was a little horrifying, if he were honest, and he hadn’t forgotten the last time. Seeing Kent in a cage alleviated a little of that worry, and he’d realized he didn’t know if Kent planned to keep wearing it or not.

Kent let out a deep, irritated sigh, glancing up from his paper. “Yes,” he said, and Bitty could tell by the eye roll that he was only wearing the cage because Jeff was making him. And maybe because he feared Bitty’s wrath, like, a little. Kent’s anxiety over displeasing Bitty had mellowed somewhat with time. “I am.”

“Sweetie,” said Bitty, frowning, “do you need to take a break from the math for a second? Or should we hang up and try this again? Because you’re making your ‘lost in shootout’ face.”

“Sorry, I’m almost done, I swear,” said Kent, rubbing his face with both hands. “Can we talk about something less irritating?” He paused. “What’d you decide about initiation?”

They’d been talking about it the past few days. As he’d said before, Bitty didn’t want to just repeat previous years’ events, he wanted something new. Or, at the very least, old enough that it could be new again. “I was thinking blankets,” Bitty said. “You know, make them carry them around everywhere. Embarrassing but not, like. Bad.”

“Seems harmless enough,” said Kent, still looking at his homework.

“Obviously fines,” Bitty continued. “There’s always fines. And, you know, every year they always do the initiation in underwear, but it’s just so cold in Faber, so I was thinking I’d let them have a sweater --”

“I thought that the whole point was like, being uncomfortable or something,” Kent murmured.

“Well, but I don’t want them getting frostbitten, honey,” Bitty said. “And I have to feed them, obviously. I mean, not everything will be comfortable, I’ll give them some challenges --”

“You should make them figure skate or something,” said Kent, head bent as he scribbled something on his paper. “There.” He slammed his textbook closed. “Done.” Looking up at the camera properly, he grinned.

“You’re a genius,” Bitty said.

Kent shook his head, running fingers through his blond hair. “No, this took me like, hours,” he said, “it’s totally not --”

“I meant the figure skating, baby, not the math,” said Bitty, interrupting him.

“Hey!” Kent yelped. “That math was hard!”

“Yes, you have a very sexy brain,” Bitty said, waving a hand. “But oh my god, figure skating. It’s perfect. We can find little outfits, and I’ll pick a song -- I guess we can just try to get Ford on the ice, I don’t think she can actually skate --”

“Obviously there should be glitter,” Kent added. “And Britney.”

“So much glitter,” said Bitty. “Just. So, so much glitter, babe.”

Kent laughed so hard his face turned red. The next video he posted on YouTube was a cover of Britney Spears’ Gimme More, clearly recorded after he’d hung up with Bitty, warm golden lights on in a dark living room. He still wasn’t showing his face in his covers, even though they both knew it was only a matter of time before the entire internet knew about Kent’s channel. It was honestly a shock that he hadn’t deleted it, because Bitty’s channel sort of led to it, and --

And he needed to stop worrying about it.

Planning initiation now that he had a list of ideas took up the rest of Bitty’s spare time. He had ingredients to buy, a skate routine to plan, music to pick… plus blankets, leotards, and glitter. Bitty recruited the frogs, sending Chowder for the blankets and Nursey for groceries.

It was possible that the hockey team was taking up energy he ought to be using on school, but… it was infinitely more interesting, and Bitty had always been great at putting schoolwork off. The first week wasn’t that intense, anyway. At least, he hoped it wasn’t, because he wasn’t really paying attention.

Fitting a visit to Jack in to his already busy schedule took a little work, but Bitty managed it. Due to his late arrival, they made a quick dinner, nothing fancy -- though Bitty insisted on getting a pie in the oven while Jack cleaned up.

Washing dishes, Jack glanced over at him.

“Yes, honey?” said Bitty, looking up from the lattice of his pie.

“You didn’t bring schoolwork,” Jack said, “did you?”

Oh boy. “Now you listen here,” said Bitty, pointing with a bit of pastry, “I’m already gettin’ enough of this from Kent, I don’t need --”

“It’s your thesis year,” Jack said.

“I know,” Bitty said. “It’ll be fine! I’ve got a long time to -- school just started, you know.” He pressed the pie crust with a bit more force than strictly necessary.

“Kent’s classes started already?” Jack asked, after a moment.

“Yeah, early,” said Bitty. He opened the oven to slide the pie in. “He’s ridiculous. Can you imagine learning calculus for fun?”

“Not really,” Jack said, and Bitty laughed.

“C’mon, handsome, let’s watch a movie.”

Jack let Bitty lead him into the living room, settling on the sofa while Bitty flicked through the streaming menu to find something to watch. “When do you see him again?” Jack asked.

“Hmm?” Bitty paused his scrolling and turned to look at Jack. “Kent, you mean?”

“Yes,” said Jack.

“I’m not sure,” Bitty admitted. “I mean, I’m gonna call him later. But I don’t think I’ll get a chance to see him until they come to Boston.” Maybe New York, but they had multiple schedules to line up. Bitty’s hockey schedule and Kent’s hockey schedule and school and -- Bitty took a breath. “Not like I can drive down to see him,” he added. “Not like you. Why?”

“I was just wondering,” said Jack. He slid an arm around Bitty’s shoulders, pulled him close.

“I’ll see him some time,” Bitty said. “Maybe, um. Maybe you can see him, too?”

“Maybe,” Jack said. He took the remote from Bitty, scrolled through some things on his own. “I think I’d like that.” He chose The Devil Wears Prada, pushing play before Bitty could question him.

They didn’t actually end up watching much of it, anyway.

After cleaning up and brushing his teeth, Bitty ducked into the guest bedroom. He settled onto the bed and set his computer down, chewing his lower lip for a moment before opening Skype. A quick glance at the clock told him he had about two minutes. Bitty pressed his hands to his face, sighing softly.

It was harder than he’d thought, going from seeing someone every day to not being able to see them for months. Being with Kent all summer was maybe the happiest Bitty had ever been. It was like a little window into his future, he’d hoped, waking up with Kent every single day. He’d missed Jack, but -- it was different, still, because he was used to missing Jack over the summer, just talking to him on the phone or whatever.

Kent was in his living room when he answered the call, both cats lounging nearby. There was no sign of Kevin, though. Was Jeff not there? “Hey, you,” Kent said, smiling. His guitar sat next to him.

“Hi, baby,” said Bitty. “How was your day?” He paused. “Were you recording?”

“Yeah.” Letting out a heavy sigh, Kent shook his head. “Conditioning,” he said. “Yours?”

“School,” said Bitty.

“We both suffer so much,” Kent said. They chatted about workouts and school assignments and how all the boys were doing, with occasional breaks as Kent tried desperately to keep Purrs from shredding his favorite blanket.

He was mildly successful.

“You look tired,” said Kent, after a while. “You want me to read to you a little and call it quits?”

“Tell me about Jeff instead,” said Bitty, leaning back into the pillows. He yawned. Kent hadn’t said a single thing about Jeff in days, which was… kind of out of character, really, considering how Jeff was always around.

“What about him?” Kent asked.

“You know,” Bitty said. “What’s the deal? I mean. Just tell me some stuff. We’ll call it your reading for tonight.”

“You know him,” said Kent.

“Not really,” Bitty said. “Beyond Stampede and like, his mom being nice. Humor me, honey.”

Kent let out a soft laugh. “Uh -- okay. Let’s see. Um, Jeff went to Boston University.”

“Don’t tell me stuff I can look up on Wikipedia,” Bitty said.

“Okay, um. I met him the first day I was in Vegas,” Kent said, then. “At the airport. He thought I was gonna be a total asshole.”

Did he? Bitty laughed. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” said Kent, “because nineteen year old boys aren’t famous for being like, sensitive or well-mannered?”

“I forget Jeff is older than you,” Bitty said.

“Yeah, by four years.” Kent paused. “Anyway, uh. He was nice to me, though, I think because Christopher told him to be --”

“Jeff is kind of a nice guy in general,” said Bitty. “Right?”

“Uh, kind of?” said Kent. He laughed. “He can be a huge dick, you have no idea.”

Actually, Bitty did have an idea. Jeff had warmed to him, but he hadn’t exactly been friendly at first. And Bitty hadn’t forgotten the way Jeff talked to him in his apartment a while back, when he made him stand out in the hallway and almost didn’t even let him inside. Plus, he got his fair share of penalty minutes with that temper on the ice. “I believe that,” he said.

“Yeah.” Kent picked at one of his cuticles, stayed quiet for a few minutes.

Bitty frowned. “Is everything okay?” he asked. Kent’s answering nod wasn’t reassuring. Had he said something and Jeff rejected him? Surely not. There was no way he’d do that.

Would he?

The truth was that Bitty didn’t really know Jeff that well. They’d had exactly zero intimate conversations, no true bonding moments. From what he could tell, they didn’t share any interests besides hockey and Kent. Even during the time they’d spent together in Calgary, Jeff seemed to kind of… hold back from Bitty, just a little, and he was intimidating enough that Bitty had never pushed his luck. Southern charm and pie did not work on Jeffrey Troy, that much was clear.

“Everything is fine,” said Kent.

“Did you, um.” Bitty maybe shouldn’t ask about what Kent talked about in therapy, but -- “Did you talk to Brian about Jeff?” he asked. Kent didn’t really talk to very many people, he’d realized. Not the way Bitty did.

Kent’s eyes flicked up from his hands for a moment. “Yes,” he said, after a long stretch of silence.

He clearly did not want to talk about it. “Okay,” Bitty said. “I’m -- nevermind, sweetie.” He cleared his throat. “Um, Jack was asking when I’d see you again,” he said.

Kent blinked. “Uh -- whenever we have a roadie out there,” he said. “Or bye week. Whichever comes first.”

“D’you think that maybe, um.” Bitty twisted his covers in his fingers a little. “Maybe we could all have lunch or something? Like, you and me and Jeff and Jack.”

Kent laughed a little. “What, you wanna be a witness to a murder?”

“Excuse me?”

“Jeff and Jack,” Kent said. “In the same room. For, like, an extended period of time.”

“Yes,” said Bitty.

“It’s madness,” Kent said. He grinned. “But yeah, I’ll totally arrange it.”

Sliding into bed beside Jack once he’d bid Kent good night, Bitty wiggled until he could rest his head on Jack’s chest.

“Hey,” Jack murmured. “Good call?”

“Yeah,” said Bitty. He closed his eyes.

The following Thursday, armed with some impressive shades and flanked by upperclassmen, Bitty set his plans in motion.

“Listen up, eggs,” he said, facing the freshman. “I explain the Samwell rookie blanket once.” He hefted them in his hands. “Let this blankets serve as reminders, you’ll carry them with you every day until initiation.” He paused. “Hops.” He tossed a blue blanket at one of the freshmen.

“Uh,” said Hops, catching it, “but, what if I have class tomorrow?”

“Bully,” Bitty said, tossing the duck print blanket.

“Hey, cool. Ducks,” Bully said.

“And Louis.” Bitty tossed the last blanket.

“This doesn’t seem that bad,” Louis said.

“And to better ensure camaraderie on and off the ice,” Bitty continued, “fines incurred by one frog will be incurred by all frogs.” He lowered his shades. “Because you’re a team. Get it?”

“Yes sir!”

Oh, it was perfect. Bitty beamed. “Wonderful!” He clapped his hands together. “Then you’re at the disposal of your upperclassmen this weekend. You can turn in your blankets Monday night at --” he glanced at Ford. “Haze by Hazewest!”

She grinned.

The boys racked up fines all over the place -- some for being overheard gossiping about Bitty and Kent, some for horrible playlists, and some for, like, harshing Nursey’s vibe, or something? They incurred reasonable fines, too, of course. Getting on the ice before an upperclassman, finishing Ollie and Wicks’ pre-game cereal, breaking multiple sticks in one game…

Bitty was sure they were more than pleased when Monday night started out with his homemade scones and pizza. They got all settled in, tucked into their little sweaters, guards down, and --

And the fun began.

Making them all work on a figure skating routine was even more fun in practice than Bitty had imagined. He even managed to get Ford on the ice, because -- well, no freshman was safe. And watching her try to skate? Hilarious.

Bitty put so much into initiation and then their hockey games that he honestly forgot to talk to Kent about Jeff again. They were getting busy in Vegas, anyway, with camp coming up. Jack had his own things going as well, including Tater being back in town and informing all of Twitter about their workout progress, including Instagram-worthy thirst traps. Bitty did his best to keep up with schoolwork, but he still ended up getting to bed pretty late sometimes, unable to keep up with Jack or Kent’s strict bedtimes.

It felt like he’d only just fallen asleep when shrill noise interrupted what could’ve been a very nice dream. Bitty rubbed his eyes and picked up his phone before leaning over to turn the lamp on. It was a Skype call. Pushing the button to accept, Bitty pushed himself upright just a little further. “Mmm?”

Kent stared at the screen, worrying his lip between his teeth. The pale light of his computer reflected off his glasses. “I’m sorry, I know it’s late,” he said. “I just needed to talk to you.”

Oh. That didn’t sound great. “Hi, honey,” Bitty said, propping himself up on one elbow.

“Hey,” Kent said. He swallowed. “Jeff, um. Jeff --”

Had it finally happened, then? Bitty’s stomach tightened a little. “Did you talk to him?” Lord, what if he’d been wrong?

“You were right,” Kent said. “About everything.”

Thank god. A warm smile spread over Bitty’s face. “Oh, baby. That’s great,” he said. To clarify, did that mean -- “You tell him you love him?”

“I --” Kent paused. “Yeah. Well, he said it first. I mean, I was gonna say it first, I just. It’s not cheating, right?”

Bitty rubbed his face with one hand. “No,” he said, “not unless what I’m doing with Jack is cheating.”

“No,” Kent said. “We talked about it, it’s fi--”

“It’s the same as that,” said Bitty, cutting him off. “For me. You and Jeff, I mean. It’s the same as me and Jack for you, except -- I mean, I wouldn’t kick Jeff out of bed, y’know? Everything’s fine.”

“Eric,” Kent hissed.

“What? Jeff Troy’s hotness is, like, an acknowledged fact. You know there’s a whole Twitter account dedicated to the length of his hair,” Bitty pointed out.

It took a second, but Kent laughed. “God,” he said, pressing his hands to his face. “I love you. I freaked out, didn’t I?”

“Little bit,” Bitty admitted, because it was like, three in the morning and he was still half asleep. He paused. “Did you make out with him?”

“Oh my God, Eric,” said Kent, his face reddening. That was a yes, right?

“Hot. How was he?” Bitty asked, grinning. “Can I watch next time?”

“Oh my God, Eric,” Kent said, again, and he pressed a hand to his face. “Stop. Yes. I mean, no. I mean, I don’t -- Jesus, fuck. It was just kissing.”

It was like a romantic comedy. “You precious thing,” Bitty said. He yawned. “He’s good, right?”

“This is gross,” said Kent. “Go back to sleep.”

“So he’s good,” Bitty said. Confirmed. He’d have to ask Kent about it again later. “I bet he’s into --”

“I’m hanging up,” said Kent.

( HH is on AO3 if you need to start from the beginning! )

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babybluebanshee · 7 years ago

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Seared With Scars - Chapter 5

*rises from the ashes* I LIIIIIIIIVE.

I am so sorry this took so long, guys. Real life and other fandoms just shoved their way into my life and I couldn't keep up with this. But now I'm back, hopefully to finally put this baby to rest in the next couple of months.

Trigger warnings for this chapter: torture, discussions of death, and mentions of a suicide attempt.

Previous Chapter

“Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are our own fears.”

- Rudyard Kipling

--------------------

Helen wanted a nap. And a drink. And mostly a puzzle.

Her head buzzed with pain and agitation, and she wanted to curl into a ball and have it be this morning again. She would have slept through the ringing phone, ripped it out of the wall if she had to, and gone back to sleep. She would not have woken up until the kids needed to be picked up Monday evening.

Tonight had, in no small words, been a nightmare. She didn’t need this right now. She didn’t want to be reduced to the hysterical woman, screaming and fainting and drowning in her own angst, but it was very hard not to fall into the pattern. Being attacked in her own home, an obviously-brewing conspiracy, and now a world-ending portal? All with Muggins’ stupid comments sprinkled on top?

God, she really wished she’d packed a puzzle. Her fingers twitched with the anxious need. Even a measly 100-piece one would have sufficed right now.

Rain began to pelt the side of the house. Thunder rumbled outside, announcing the strengthening storm. A gust of wind rattled the bare branches of the trees, making the rain slap against the wooden walls of the cabin harder. It was going to be a bad one.

She heard Stan come up next to where she sat on the couch, looking off at nothing. Every step he took was nervous. Ever since Fiddleford had gotten his desired toolbox and scampered off upstairs to tinker with the gun, Stan’s entire attitude toward her had changed.

Where he’d been flippantly dismissive of the portal and her reaction to it when she’d first seen it and subsequently freaked out, now he edged around her like she was a ticking time bomb. She supposed, in a way, she was. Her entire body felt wound too tightly, and her head radiated with painful heat.

Stan hadn’t spoken a word to her since she’d sat down sat down, pointedly looking away from him, and she preferred it that way. She wondered how much he knew about that odd portal downstairs. How much had Ford shared with his brother about it? The basics and nothing more? Or did Stan know exactly how much hell his brother had been through because of the portal?

Another bolt of pain flared, right behind her eyes. She pulled her glasses off, tossed them down to the other end of the couch, and put her head in her knees. The headache was making her slightly nauseous. She hadn’t felt this way in quite some time.

She felt something cold being pressed to the side of her head. It was amazing, and she wanted to let it sit there forever and ever.

Looking up, she saw Stan there, holding out a frosty can of beer. He held another, presumably for himself, in his other hand. His face reminded her of Scott’s, specifically the day he’d failed a huge math test and was thinking of a million and one ways to beg his mother’s forgiveness.

“Thanks,” she mumbled. She lifted her head the rest of the way out of her knees and took the beer. She pressed it against her forehead, then let her eyes slide shut as the cold, wet tin soothed away the worst of the pain. It was almost enough to put her to sleep.

“Not exactly the medicinal purpose I had in mind for that,” Stan joked weakly. Silence hung between them as he waited for her to joke back. She said nothing, just opened her eyes and looked at him blankly. The failed-math-test look deepened, and he said, “Ya know, I can get you some ice or something, if you need it.”

“This is fine,” she replied. She was being standoffish, but she had no energy for anything else.

Stan shifted nervously, looking at the floor. The beer hung limply by his side, and he fiddled with the tab with his thumb. He looked very much like he didn’t belong.

And that just made Helen feel like garbage. This was Stan’s home, and she was making him feel like he didn’t belong there. Stan and Ford had told her in very brief detail about their father’s cruel punishment when Stan was a teenager, but she didn’t need much to understand two things about it.

One: if she ever met their sorry excuse for a father, she was going to deck him right in his stupid face.

Two: that, even though Stan shrugged and waved off his time on the street, it still bothered him. It hung around him some days, oppressive and heavy. There was a fear there when it did - fear of being cast out again, of what he considered family turning on him and leaving him a second time. And Helen never wanted anyone to feel like that in her presence, least of all Stan. She liked him too much to ever be the one to make him feel like he wasn’t wanted.

She heaved a heavy sigh, and said, “I’m sorry, Stan. I don’t mean to be this way. I just -”

Stan seemed to relax immensely, and smiled a bit. “Don’t apologize,” he said, finally raising his beer and snapping the tab. “You’ve had a crazy night. Not the least of which is helped by that hunk of junk in the basement.”

Helen felt a heat rise to her cheeks, and didn't reply right away. There was that “hysterical, fainting woman” thing screaming in her head again. It made her feel burdensome, dainty, useless. She knew that, compared to the likes of Ford, Stan, and even Fiddleford, she was woefully inexperienced with the unusual. She’d experienced it, to be sure, and it had left its mark on her, body and soul. But, by comparison, her small, paltry scratches were nothing compared to the scars her friends bore. She felt like the swooning heroine on the poster for a sci-fi B-movie, a shrieking load with nothing helpful to offer. She never wanted to be that afraid.

Her rational side knew that Stan didn’t mean to imply anything. He was only trying to be nice. But her rational side was also very, very tired, and not willing to put up much of a fight.

She decided that the soothing buzz of alcohol sounded pretty good right now. One beer certainly wouldn't be able to do it for her, but she was certain there was more stashed in the Pines brothers’ fridge. She popped the tab, and tipped it back into her mouth. The beer was cheap, and tasted bitter going down. But once it hit her stomach, the comforting warmth spread like the embrace of an old friend. The sensation of wanting to burp filled her. It felt nice, and she was relieved to find it taking more of the edge off her headache.

When she lowered her head again, a slightly fuzzy Stan was staring at her. She had to think for a second before remembering that she took off her glasses. She leaned forward and started

pawing around for them. “One of the many trials of the bespectacled,” she mumbled. “Lose your glasses, but you can’t see to find your glasses. You see my problem.”

“You can’t even see your problem,” Stan said without missing a beat.

Helen couldn’t stop the barking laugh that escaped her, and it shook her so much that she nearly lost her grip on her beer. She found that it felt so very good to laugh. Easy too. Maybe this beer was stronger than she gave it credit for.

Stan chuckled beside her, and walked to the end of the couch, picking up her glasses, all but invisible against the dark fabric of the couch. He held them out to her, and she quickly took them and slid them on her face. “Thanks,” she said. “Now you’re less fuzzy.”

“Welcome,” Stan said. He settled himself down on the end of the couch. Helen noticed he was a lot less rigid than when he’d first come back in. “You’d think, being bespectacled and all, you’d manage to keep better track of those things. Maybe you need one of those old lady chains to hold them on.”

“I’m only forty, Stan. Let me retain my dignity for another ten years, at least.”

Stan chuckled again, popped the tab on his beer, and took a swig. A strange look passed over his face. “Ford does that kind of stuff all the time. Has ever since we were kids. Sets them down, forgets where. Or puts them on top of his head, and spends twenty minutes tearing the house apart trying to find them. I give him all kinds of hell for it. I’ve have more than one book thrown at me because of the bad glasses puns.”

Stan trailed off, staring down at the can in his hands. Concern tugged at his features. Helen felt an empathetic lurch in her stomach. The rain picked up, followed by another rumble of thunder.

There had still been no word from Ford, and with this storm, it wasn’t safe for any of them to go out and look for him. Stan had tried to remain calm about the whole situation, but Helen knew that he was very, very close to falling apart.

But they could only keep hoping that Ford was okay, and would contact them soon. Outside, the rain lessened, but a stronger, louder crash of thunder filled the void. The storm would not let up for some time. Stan tightened his grasp on his beer. Helen could see the sides denting in from the force of it.

She reached out a hand, and gently set it on Stan’s hand. She said, “Stan, I’m sure he’s okay. Ford has faced a whole mess of weird shit coming out of that forest. Whatever is happening to him now, I’m sure he’s fine.”

Stan looked up at her, and Helen could tell he did not believe her. His eyes remained a steadfast beacon of brotherly love and concern. But he smiled at her, just to placate her, she knew. She had to take his mind off things. She looked around the room, hoping to find something, anything, to talk about, to distract him. Maybe, in a way, distract herself from her own nagging thoughts.

She saw a stack of books on the floor, tucked away at the side of the couch. Library books, it seemed, from the white sticker on the spine. Tucking her beer between her legs, she pulled the stack closer, so she could look through it. A Stephen King sat on top. Definitely not interested, thanks. She’d had nightmares for a week when, at age seventeen, Henry Stickler took her to see The Tingler at the movies. He’d been hoping that she’d cuddle up to him during the scary parts so he could heroically comfort her. What he’d gotten was her bashing him right in the face with her purse when Vincent Price warned them the Tingler was loose in the theater, and her seat began to jolt.

She’d obviously been adverse to horror fiction ever since. She moved the King aside, and looked at the rest.

The next was The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson. Pass.

Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury. Dammit, didn’t Stan ever want to read something pleasant?

The final book in the stack was, if anything, the one that confused her the most - Crossing the Water by Sylvia Plath. She picked it up, eyebrow arched. It seemed to get Stan’s attention, and he looked over at her.

She opened the book and thumbed through a few pages, saying offhandedly to Stan, “You don’t strike me as a poetry type of guy, let alone Sylvia Plath.”

“I read Ariel a few years ago,” he said. He took another long swig of beer. Helen suddenly

remembered what that chilly sensation between her legs was, and brought her own beer up for another drink. “Back when I was still on my own. Friend of mine introduced us. At the time, the anger spoke to me. Especially “Daddy”. You can probably guess why.” Another long drink of beer, this time with heavy gulps.

Helen nodded, and quickly changed the subject. “I read The Bell Jar when I was a senior in college. My roommate actually wrote my parents because she thought I was suicidal. They drove five hours to make sure I was still breathing.” She knew that was a stupid thing to say as a silly anecdote, and yet it’d tumbled tumbled out of her mouth anyway. She supposed she was distracted by the warm, slushy feeling in her belly caused by the beer. She took another drink, to add to it.

“There’s more to her than the anger and the suicide,” Stan said. Helen was actually pretty surprised at how firm his tone was. “She’s intense, but she’s focused, and she can write about a lot of issues that hardly any poets like talking about.

Helen couldn’t stop staring. he recalled earlier, when Stan had mentioned Ford thinking of him as the guy for the heavy lifting. She couldn’t imagine Ford or Stan ever being more wrong in their lives.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sharp trill of the phone, so loud, even when battling against the storm outside, it made Helen and Stan nearly jump out of their skin. Stan even lost his grip on his beer, and it nearly fell to the floor. He managed to grab it before it sailed too far away.

As soon as Stan got his bearings back, he leapt to his feet, and jogged to the kitchen. Helen felt good for him. It was probably Ford, calling to say he was trying to head back, but the rain was just too heavy. He was probably sitting in a booth at Greasy’s, waiting for it to pass before heading back home, safe and sound.

Helen thumbed through the book while she waited for Stan to come back, deflated and heavy with relief. She scanned some of the poems briefly. She thought vaguely that she needed to check this book out when Stan returned it. She hadn’t returned to Plath after the embarrassing incident with her parents rushing up to her school. Maybe it was time to change that.

“Yeah, she is, hang on,” Helen heard Stan say from the kitchen. She lifted her head, curiosity piqued. Was Ford asking about her? She wondered why. A petty, silly part of her (probably more than a little effected by the beer; how strong was this stuff anyway?) hoped he just wanted to tell her that he was sorry for swiping her car, and he’d wash it for her if she wanted.

She heard Stan walking back to the living room, and turned to him. He looked decidedly dejected. When he looked up at Helen, his eyes were red, betraying the fact he was ready to fall to pieces, cry out of sheer frustration. Guilt surged through her as he said, “It’s Daisy. She wants to talk to you.”

Confusion mixed with the guilt as Helen got up from the couch, setting her beer off to the side where it wouldn't be kicked over. She flicked a glance up at the clock on the wall. It was half past eleven, and generally, her children were in bed by now. It was one of the few things none of the kids had ever fought her on, Daisy especially. Unlike most teenagers, Daisy wasn’t rebelling or trying to buck her mother’s authority by disregarding a childish bedtime. If anything, Daisy couldn’t get to bed soon enough. She loved to sleep. She took naps whenever she could, and went to bed early on school nights, knowing that going to sleep around ten-thirty meant the maximum amount of sleep possible before her alarm went off at six. It was one of the many things Helen smirked about when discussing the perils and pratfalls of motherhood with her PTA friends.

She walked towards the kitchen, trying her damnedest to ignore Stan throwing himself sullenly against the couch, disappointment practically radiating off him. At the same time, she figured Daisy wouldn’t risk long distance charges to Michael’s credit card (not that he was hurting, but she was sure he wouldn’t appreciate it) if this was just calling to say hello. Her maternal instincts for her flesh and blood overruled those for her friend, no matter how upset he was at the moment.

Stan had left the phone laying face up on the kitchen table. Helen picked it up, trying not to think too hard about the fact it stuck to the formica a little. She really needed to remind the Pines brothers to clean up after themselves more often. Then she shoved that thought to the back of her head, knowing Stan really wouldn’t want to hear it right now.

She held the phone to her ear and said, “Daisy?”

“Hi, Mom.” Her daughter sounded like she was lounging, and hadn’t a care at all in the world, but her voice was soft, like she was trying very hard not to be quiet and not wake anyone.

“Hi, sweetie. Everything alright?”

“Yeah, everything’s great. I’m super exhausted though. We went to the marina and Michael took us on his boat. I had to stop Amanda from trying to carry every fish she saw home in a bucket. She thought you’d like that as a souvenir.”

Helen forced a chuckle, even though the questions on her tongue were slowly but surely chipping their way forward. A beat of silence stretched between them.

Daisy suddenly spoke up again, “Before you ask how I knew where to call, I already tried calling the house. When you didn’t pick up, I figured you were with the Wonder Twins.”

This time, Helen chuckled in earnest. “Yeah, it was getting kind of lonely around the house,” she lied, thinking only for a moment about how easily it rolled off her tongue. “I think I may actually be getting used to the three of you running around like crazies.”

Daisy laughed a little.Or rather, released a burst of hot air from her nose that was supposed to constitute a laugh. Helen knew she was smirking too. Very distinctly Daisy.

“So,” Helen continued nonchalantly, ignoring the part of her that told her to hurry up, stop tying up the line, Stan was worried enough as it was, “does Michael know he’s going to be receiving some bills for a long-distance call his niece made when she should have been asleep?”

She could practically feel Daisy’s eyes rolling through the phone. “Chill out, Mom. Uncle Mike said we can use the phone whenever we need. A call home is totally cool with him.”

Another beat of silence.

“Besides,” Daisy added quickly, her voice suddenly very strange, “He got really badly sunburned, so he’s sleeping that off. And let me tell you, sunburn comas make a person sleep like a rock. You’d think, living in San Francisco, he’d be, like, immune to sunburns by now, or something.”

“I see,” Helen said. She felt something akin to anxiety churn in her gut. The way Daisy spoke, and the phone call from out of the blue, while everyone was asleep. She had to know. “So, to what do I owe this late night phone call? It’s almost midnight. I figured you’d be asleep by now and wouldn’t be awake for another twelve hours.”

Yet another beat of silence. Helen could picture Daisy on the other end of the line, nervously biting her lip. That was holdover from her childhood, something she always did when she had something unpleasant on her mind.

“Sweetie?” Helen said gently. “Is something wrong?”

“I guess I wouldn’t really say wrong, exactly,” Daisy replied slowly. “I just wanted to make sure, ya know, that you were okay. Ya know, by yourself.”

“Oh hon, I was just kidding about being lonely,” Helen said, feeling a heat rise to her cheeks. She certainly didn’t want to come off as clingy and protective as her own mother. “I’ve got the Tweedles to keep me company.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Daisy said, her voice almost stern. It made Helen’s gut tighten again.

“Well, what did you mean?” she asked.

Daisy took a deep breath, and said, “Next Saturday, it’ll have been two years.”

A low rumble of thunder shook the floor under Helen’s feet as realization dawned on her. All she could manage was a soft, almost whispered, “Oh.”

“I wanted to talk to you about it alone,” Daisy continued. “I didn’t want Scott or Amanda to get upset. I mean, last year, it was kind of a mess.”

“I wouldn’t call it a mess - “ Helen offered weakly.

“You called out of work,” Daisy replied. It made Helen feel as though she were the chastened teenager here, answering to a mother who was only concerned and wanted to help. And how wrong was that?

“Amanda almost got sent home because she was so worried about you. Gave herself indigestion,” Daisy continued. Helen could tell her daughter was not trying to make her feel guilty. She spoke plainly, just stating the facts as they’d occurred. “But she thought that having to pick her up would just make you sadder, so she told her teacher she was okay.”

She wanted to say that she would have been fine if Amanda had come home early. When she’d come home at three-thirty on the bus, like usual, and complained of a sour stomach, hadn’t Helen immediately leapt to her child’s aid, offering her antacids and water and a gentle tucking into bed early?

She had. But a small part of her knew that Daisy was right too. At the time, she probably wouldn’t have handled Amanda coming home early very well. She’d been too busy being the hysterical woman. Wallowing. Feeling sorry for herself.

Helen’s gut clenched again, this time in disgust at her own weakness. She almost missed Daisy speaking up again.

“I’m sorry to bring up this painful stuff again, Mom,” Daisy said. She sounded so sincere, so guilty. Helen wanted to hug that feeling out of her. A fourteen-year-old girl should not be having that feeling towards her own mother.

“I just want to avoid all that again,” Daisy continued. Her voice was becoming very small. She sounded several years younger than she was. “Not just for Scott and Amanda.”

The “and me” remained unspoken, but Helen knew it was there.

“I just want you to be okay,” Daisy said. Her breath was somewhat labored, like saying those words was the emotional equivalent of sprinting a great distance. “I felt so scummy taking this trip without you.”

It was Helen’s turn to interrupt. “Daisy Jane, don’t you dare say that. You have nothing to feel guilty about, alright?”

Daisy didn’t reply.

Helen sighed a little and said, “I appreciate your concern, sweetheart. And I’m not going to deny that, yeah, last year was rough. But everything was still fresh. Wounds that haven’t healed yet are easy to agitate and get bleeding again, know what I mean?”

Daisy offered a weak, “Yeah.”

“But things are getting better all the time, Daze,” Helen said. “I’m getting better all the time. I’ve found ways of coping. And I owe a lot of that to you and your brother and your sister. I wouldn’t be where I am now if it weren’t for you guys.”

Daisy sniffled a little. If she started crying, Helen knew she would too. She had seen a great deal of death during her time at the hospital, and had pretty well learned to control her emotions in that setting of disease and loss and pain. But if one of her children cried in her presence, Helen fell apart. She cried right along with them, until they both were out of tears to shed.

And she’d had enough of that two years ago to last her a lifetime.

Helen swallowed thickly, pushing back the heat that flushed her face, and said, “Hey, listen.

You know what we’re gonna do?”

“Hmm?” was all Daisy offered. It was weak and tight with impending tears.

“Next Saturday, the four of us are going to have a day of nothing but fun,” Helen replied. “We’re gonna go to the mall, and we’ll go to any store you guys want. I’ll buy you all something, whatever you want. We’re gonna splurge like crazy. Make your grandma cluck her tongue at our extravagance.”

Daisy gave a small chuckle. Helen could practically hear a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

Helen continued, “And then, after we’ve bought out the mall, we’re gonna go to whatever restaurant you guys want. Somewhere delicious and terrible for us. We’re going to eat and drink and repeat until we can barely move. We’re going to have so much fun, we’re going to forget why that day is supposed to be sad. Deal?”

Daisy sniffed, drying her tears, and said, “Deal.”

Helen’s gut finally loosened, allowing relief to flood through her. “Good,” she breathed. “Great.”

Another beat of silence passed between them. There seemed to be something a lot less painful in this one, something calm and accepting. It almost made Helen forget everything that had happened throughout the day. About the current clusterfuck that was her life. About the fact her friend was missing, and his brother was on the verge of an anxiety-induced aneurysm because of it.

All that mattered right now was her, and her baby.

The amicable silence was broken by Daisy suddenly letting out a long, loud yawn.

Helen smiled a bit and said, “Hey, little girl, it’s almost midnight. I think you need to get some sleep.”

“I guess,” Daisy mumbled, her response heavy and tired. “You’re sure you’re okay though?”

“I’m positive, sweetheart.”

“Kay,” Daisy answered lazily. Helen heard leather groan in the background, from Michael’s loveseat, overlooking his ocean view. Daisy suddenly spoke again, her voice slightly more alert than a few moments ago. “I forgot to ask,” she said. “Do any good puzzles lately?”

Before Helen could answer, she was alerted to the sound of someone running, directly above her head, somewhere on the second floor. Fiddleford was rushing down the steps, panting in excitement. Helen saw him stumble into the hallway, looking around, looking like he was ready to burst with the news he had.

Helen turned her attention back to the phone and said, “Yeah, I’m actually working on one right now. Hardest one I’ve ever done.” She flicked a glance over at Fiddleford, who’d finally caught sight of her, and looked practically sheepish for creating a stir during her conversation. He even shuffled his feet a bit.

“Okay,” Daisy said, the words almost swallowed up in another yawn. “Well, I’ll let you get back to it. Goodnight, Mom.”

“Goodnight, honey.”

“Oh, and Mom?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Daisy.”

And then the line was dead.

Helen hung the phone back on the wall, and wished to God that there had been more time. She knew that her children would only be gone a few more days, but she found herself wanting now more than ever to just scoop them up in her arms and never let them go.

Was she doing the right thing, allowing herself to get mixed up in the Pines brothers’ escapades? It was fine when it was just gnomes and other harmless things. But now things were serious. Very serious. Missing persons and possible kidnapping and grievous bodily harm serious.

This wasn’t just the hysterical woman talking now. This was her own grounded worry, clear and sharp through a mother’s lens. She didn’t want to give her children anymore reason to worry about her.

She was their mother. Worrying for them was her job.

She heard Stan speak up then, addressing Fiddleford. “What’s the ruckus, little man?” Even though Stan was trying to be familiar, casual, like he didn’t have a care in the world, it fell flat. His voice was still stretched thin, indicative of a man ready to burst.

Fiddleford either didn’t notice, or didn’t care, lost in his own excitement and achievement as he was. He looked up at Helen with what could only be described as unbridled glee, and motioned for Helen to follow. “You won’t believe this,” he said, beginning to walk towards the living room. “I figured it out.”

Taking a deep breath, Helen followed. She hoped her beer was still cold.

She really wished she had brought a puzzle.

------------

Ford flinched as the gun in the video went off again. Even the small movement made his aching head throb.

This was the third time he’d seen his friend completely destroy his mind, bit by bit, in a vain attempt to save himself from the horrors he’d faced.

Horrors Ford had foisted on him.

Three times, Ford’s traitorous mind chanted your fault your fault all your fault.

His stomach lurched with guilt. His eyes involuntarily began to mist, hot tears fogging his cracked glasses. Pain dealt by an angry boot lit his entire body on fire.

Ropes bit into his wrists and ankles, even as he sat stock still, watching his friend’s life crumble over and over and over again. These ropes made his brain belch up memories of a knife at his palm. Of the bottom of the stairs, and not remembering how he got there. Those ropes, more than anything, made him think of Bill. And thinking of Bill - the possibility that he was there, still hiding in the darkest corners of his mind, laughing at him - made him want to crawl into a hole and die.

Ford felt Ivan squeeze his shoulder, tightly, in a warning. There were always more bones to crack. Always more flesh to bruise. More wounds to inflict, inside and out.

The video of the memories ended once again, Fiddleford’s small, broken body pausing as he held the gun to his temple, ready to fire. Fiddleford’s desperate gaze met Ford’s.

With the memories stopped, another wave of guilt crashed over Ford. He slumped forward a bit, wanting to cry or maybe vomit. Ivan tightening his grip on his shoulder was the only thing that kept him somewhat grounded.

A beat of silence passed, oppressive and suffocating. When Ivan spoke, it was like a freshly-sharpened blade had sliced through the air. “You know what you need to do to make this stop, Dr. Pines,” he said. His tight, threatening grip never wavered for a moment.

Ford knew very well what he had to do. Ivan wanted Fiddleford. It would be so easy. Four words and Ivan would grant him his freedom. That would be the end of it if he just said one thing.

Come on, sixer. Hasn’t that bumpkin caused you enough pain already?

The taunting thought came from a place in Ford didn’t recognize. A dark, angry, tired place that demanded respite. He’d suffered enough, it told him. Let someone else suffer for once. Some mistakes you just can’t fix. Just give up Fiddleford, and he could go back to his life. Go back to healing. His brother was waiting for him. He was already dealing with one mess he’d caused. Why pile more on himself? To feel like some kind of martyr? To punish himself?

And then his mind would latch on to that and scream again punish punish you must suffer this is all your fault your fault ALL YOUR FAULT.

“You are shaking, doctor.”

Ford’s eyes shot open. He didn’t even remember shutting them. He cast a glance down at his hands. Ivan was right. They trembled under the ropes, sending tremors up his entire body.

“You’re exhausted, Dr. Pines,” Ivan said. He lazily let his hand fall from Ford’s shoulder. Surprisingly sharp fingernails dug into his arm as Ivan moved in front of Ford, blocking the frozen image of Fiddleford. He leaned down, reached out, and cupped Ford’s chin in his hand. He raised Ford’s heavy head to look him in the face. Ford found himself oddly focused on the red, filmed-over eye that seemed to bore into his skull.

“I can make this end,” Ivan said softly. “All I need is McGucket.”

Ford felt his lips fall apart, ready to let words trickle forth. He was just so tired.

The screen on the monitor flickered, drawing Ford’s eye. He was once again locked with the image of his friend - Fiddleford McGucket, brilliant, kind, good, so much better than Ford deserved, reducing himself to a mocking parody.

Fiddleford deserved better than Ford as his friend. But he also deserved help. And Ivan and this mad cult was not who was going to give it to him.

Ford brought his gaze back to Ivan. There was a certain triumphant smugness in Ivan’s face. It was like staring into the face of a hungry mountain lion that knew it had its prey trapped. A fire rose up in Ford’s belly, drowning the guilt and the pain and the desperation for a brief moment.

He hated this son of a bitch.

“No,” Ford croaked.

Ivan’s eyes widened ever so slightly. Ford would have mirrored that smug smirk himself if just thinking about smiling didn’t make his face hurt.

Ivan sighed and straightened himself up. It was in that instance that Ford knew what was coming, and began to brace himself. Ivan had beaten him once when Ford had refused him. There was no reason to think it wouldn’t happen again. Despite looking so sickly and thin, Ivan was surprisingly strong. A pain shot through Ford at the mere thought of Ivan’s foot coming down on his rib cage again.

Ivan began to move his hands. Ford screwed his eyes shut, preparing to be struck.

He heard Ivan clap his hands together. Cracking open his eyes, Ford saw that Ivan had indeed clasped his hands together in front of him, with a strange look on his face. Ivan almost looked...excited. Like a tour guide, showing off priceless antiquities to the ignorant public, hoping to educate them. The expression Ivan now wore wasn’t the smug grin or the calm smirk. It was a full-toothed smile, and it was just so...plastic. Wrong.

It sent a shiver down Ford’s spine.

“If that is your decision, Dr. Pines,” Ivan said, a chilling eagerness in his voice, “then I suppose we shall simply have to watch the memories again.”

Before Ford could even begin to react, Ivan’s hand shot out, clamping down around the ropes that bound Ford’s right wrist to the chair. Ivan inched his hand down, until he grasped Ford’s index finger.

Then he pulled the finger backwards. Ford let out a cry of shock when pain shot through him again.

“And this time,” Ivan said, a sinister edge creeping into his voice, his eyes wide and wild, “for every minute of footage that goes by, and you say nothing, I shall snap one of your fingers. You have twelve, Dr. Pines. Do you think you can hold out for twelve more minutes?” Ivan punctuated the question by pulling Ford’s finger back further. Ford let out a gasp of pain and he felt muscles tighten, joints grind. He couldn’t take this.

There was a knock at the door.

Ivan stopped pulling, but didn’t release Ford’s finger right away, even as Ford gasped and tried to wriggle it out of his grasp.

Finally, letting out a sigh reminiscent of a perturbed teenager, Ivan rolled his eyes, released Ford’s fingers, and put his hood back up. Then he walked over to the door and opened it.

Another hooded figure stood there, bowed their head slightly. “Sir,” they said. “There is a matter than needs your attending.”

“Can’t it wait?” Ivan barked. “I am in the middle of something.”

“Another argument has broken out. I fear things will escalate unless you calm things down.”

Ivan muttered something under his breath Ford didn’t bother trying to decipher. Then he spoke to the hooded follower at the door. “Stay here with the interloper,” Ivan commanded.

The hooded figure nodded, stepping into the room quickly enough to let Ivan flounce out of the room, robe billowing behind him. He pulled the door shut with a deafening, angry slam. The hooded figure now in the room with Ford barely moved at the heavy thud.

As the pain faded in his finger, Ford looked up at this new figure before him. They had a short and stout built, and, like the others he’d seen, their face was completely shrouded by their hood. Even so, as the figure stood there in silence, Ford could feel their eyes trained on him.

Ivan had mentioned his followers hated Ford. And now he was stuck with one. He felt his heart rate pick up, pounding in his ears as he tried to prepare himself for the pain.

Maybe he would have been better off with Ivan.

The follower began to move towards him. Ford couldn’t help but let out a tiny whimper as he ducked his head and tried to think of anything else but what was about to happen.

A gentle hand touched the back of his head, fingers ghosting over the wound left by the blow Ford had received. The figure let out a low noise in their throat, almost like consideration. Then they pressed, very lightly, on the blood-crusted hair and down against the flesh of his skull. It felt like a hammer had been slammed into the base of his neck, and he couldn’t help but yelp loudly, jerking his head a bit to get away from the thing causing him pain.

“Sorry,” Ford heard the figure say softly. He felt the hands leave his head immediately. One of them rested on his hand, his right one. The one with the fingers Ivan had tried to snap. He instinctively curled his fingers into a fist, trying to protect them.

The hand pulled away, and Ford could almost feel the shame in it. “Oh no,” the figure breathed. “No, it’s alright. I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to see. Is that okay?”

The hand was suddenly back, gently squeezing the fist Ford had made. It was placating, reassuring, comforting. The touch of a parent soothing a child.

Ford cracked open his eyes. The figure’s hand was still there, still squeezing. “Don’t be afraid,” the figure said. “I promise I’m not going to hurt you.”

He couldn’t help himself. A long, keening cry burst forth. After hours of nothing but torment and pain, this gentle touch, the kind words, they were like being doused with cold water. He felt hot tears brimming again, didn’t care that they fogged up his glasses and left him blind. More ragged sobs escaped him as he let his head loll forward.

Gentle fingers brushed the hair away from his face, then smoothed it back into place. The hooded follower was actually petting Ford’s head. In between sobs, Ford heard soft, soothing nonsense being muttered to him, telling him it’d be alright, he was okay, he was safe for the time being.

He didn’t even really have it in him to be confused. He just wanted to relish in the touch forever.

The figure continued to pet his head until he began to calm down a little, which must have at least been another several minutes. Finally, as he hiccuped and sniffed, the figure said, “You need to tell him what he wants to know.”

Ford lifted his head up a fraction, and let out a tiny, “What?”

“Ivan. When he comes back, you need to tell him where Fiddleford is. He won’t stop until you do.”

“I c-can’t,” Ford stammered out, trying to sound less like a frightened child. He didn’t succeed. “He...he can’t...Fiddleford needs help.”

“I know,” the follower said. Ford was almost shocked the frankness of the response. “And I know Ivan is a madman that can’t give him that help. But that’s precisely why you need to tell Ivan what he wants to know.”

“But I can’t-”

“If you don’t, he’ll keep going until he kills you.”

Ford felt like all the air had been sucked out of his lungs. He felt himself begin to tremble again. He must have let another tear slip, because the hooded figure stopped smoothing his hair and put a gentle hand on his cheek, wiping it away with their thumb.

“I don’t mean to frighten you,” they told him. “But Ivan will kill you if he doesn’t get what he wants. And if he kills you, he’ll just go after your brother and your friend.”

Ford choked back rising bile. He knew Stan and Helen wouldn’t let anything happen to Fiddleford. They’d fight. That’s the kind of people they were. But if they went up against a person like Ivan.

He let out an involuntary whimper at the thought.

“I’m so sorry,” the figure began. Before they could say anything else, the door was thrown open, slamming against the wall with a bang.

“And what, may I ask, is going on here?” Ivan’s voice dripped like poisoned honey.

The follower scrambled to straighten up, ripping their warm hand away from Ford’s face. He missed it immediately.

“I’m sorry, sir,” they said frantically, bowing quickly at the waist. “I was...well, I...I just…”

Ivan raised a hand to silence his follower, who shrank in on themselves like a scared child. “I do expect an explanation from you, but we shall deal with that later. For the time being, I have a job to finish with our guest.”

Even though Ford couldn’t see Ivan turn his face towards him, he could feel that red, filmy eye boring into him.

In an instant, visions of horror flashed before his eyes. More torture from Ivan - broken fingers, more beatings, watching his friend destroy himself over and over again. And then, when Ivan finally used him up, he’d move on to Stan and Helen. Subject them to the same tortures, probably worse because they were bound to fight back.

Ford screwed his eyes shut, desperate to chase away the images of those he cared for left broken and bleeding by this monstrous man. Desperation and fear clawed in his belly. His whole body trembled.

“He’s in my cabin!”

Ivan and the follower both swung their heads in Ford’s direction. It took him a minute to realize the shrill declaration had come from him.

A beat of silence filled the room, and Ford allowed the utter, helpless failure engulf him completely.

He’d failed. It was all his fault. He’d doomed Fiddleford to the life he’d been trying to save him from.

“Excellent,” Ivan said. Ford could hear the smile in his voice. It made him sick. “I’m so glad you finally see things from our point of view, Dr. Pines.”

Ford wanted to strangle him.

“The hour is late, though,” Ivan said casually. “And this storm has not lessened. I believe you’ll keep until tomorrow, doctor.”

“W-wait,” Ford sputtered, “you said you’d let me go if I told you where he was.”

“Doctor, you wound me,” Ivan said. There was that detestable smirk again. “What sort of host would I be if I sent you home in a downpour?” He made his way towards the door, the hooded follower slinking behind him. Ford saw the follower look back over their shoulder at him. Even though he couldn’t see their face, he knew they looked as helpless as he felt.

Ivan reached the door, ushering his follower out in front of him. As he stepped through the doorway, Ivan said, “Enjoy the rest of your stay, Dr. Pines.”

It was only when Ivan had closed the door, darkening the room once more, that Ford noticed he’d left the monitor on. Fiddleford’s wild, desperate gaze stared back at him.

He let his head fall forward, although he no longer had it in him to cry. “I’m sorry, Fiddleford,” he whispered out loud.

He swore, somewhere behind his eyes, he heard Bill cackling with demented delight.

-----------

McGucket had lost them, but he really didn’t seem to notice.

Stan had honestly tried to keep up with the little nerd, but it became clear pretty quickly that he was just too excited about his discovery to remember he was talking to two people that didn’t have degrees in advanced mechanical engineering.

At least he saw even more clearly why Ford had gotten so attached to the twerp.

The sharp stab of guilt and fear that was roiling quietly in his gut suddenly spiked. There was still no word from Ford. The rain still beat down on them mercilessly. He’d never felt so helpless in all his life.

He had to think of something else.

He chanced a glance over at Helen, sitting in the other kitchen chair to his right, who wasn’t even trying to pretend like she understood what was happening. Her eyes were distant and unfocused, had been ever since she’d gotten off the phone with her daughter. She lazily squeezed the almost empty can of beer, making the sides buckle in on themselves slightly. Stan felt another pang of guilt well up in his chest. She looked exhausted and miserable, and Stan knew that was his fault. She hadn’t asked to be dragged into any of this.

Helen was a strong person, there was no denying that. She was level-headed and firm and a voice of reason when things got chaotic. But even the strongest pillars could break if they were beaten enough times by a churning, unforgiving sea. And Stan shuddered to think that he might be the one to break her eventually.

“...and the procedure was supposed to be permanent.” Suddenly, McGucket’s voice drifted up to his ears, and Stan’s attention snapped back over to the excited hillbilly. In one hand, McGucket held a pair of pliers. In the other, a small bundle of wires, pulled apart to expose a small, gray, chip-like piece. A small, near microscopic, section of the chip had a charred black spot on it. McGucket pointed the nose of the pliers at the chip and continued. “This micro-actuator looks like it was overheated at some point and stopped working. Without it the gun can’t function, since there’s nothing to keep the internal mechanisms moving. The electric charge as a control signal is fine, but it looks like the source of energy - that being, of course, the charge from the memories themselves - overloads it and causes a cascade failure and -”

“Hey,” Stan finally interjected. He had a sneaking suspicion that, if he didn’t, McGucket would launch himself into orbit.

McGucket’s head shot up to look at him. He looked surprised that Stan and Helen were even still there.

“As fascinating and completely incomprehensible as all this is,” Stan said, raising a hand to massage away the rumblings of a headache, “you think you could explain, in the simplest way you can, exactly what the hell all this means?”

McGucket blushed a bit. Stan was beginning to realize that the little man didn’t really enjoy being the center of attention. The only way he could really get going was if he talked so much he thought he was alone in the room.

“Well, it basically means that the part of the gun that was supposed to make the memory erasing process permanent won’t work more than a few times.”

“So that’s why it didn’t work when that guy attacked us in my house?” Helen asked. Stan was actually kind of shocked to hear her finally speak.

“Exactly,” McGucket replied. “I would venture to guess that all the smaller version have the same problem. I had to significantly decrease the size of the actuator to ensure mobility. None of them will last, and it makes the effects wear off faster. Especially when you’re exposed to stimuli, like photos or videos or -”

“Or a giant portal of doom,” Stan said. He bit down his urge to smirk.

Irritation creased McGucket’s brow, and he said, “Yes, that too.”

“But that still doesn’t answer the question of why that guy was in my house,” Helen said, clearly frustrated with the not knowing.

“I think that’s pretty obvious,” Stan said. “He was looking for McGucket.”

“Yeah, but why would he think he was in my house?” Helen said, looking up at him, her dark green eyes practically burning a hole in his forehead. “Hell, how would he even have known he was with us? The only person who even saw us today is Ed.”

That got Stan thinking for a moment. “Yeah,” he muttered. “He was the only person who saw us today.”

“Oh god,” Helen said, incredulously. “You’re not seriously suggesting...Stan, I mean, come on. Ed Matthews is almost sixty-five. He’s a harmless grandpa!”

“Hey, if we can think the bean pole is behind something,” Stan said, jabbing his thumb in Fiddleford’s direction, “then grandpas aren’t in the clear either. Besides, I’ve met some pretty spry old guys in my time.”

Helen turned and addressed McGucket, “Ed wasn’t the guy in my house, right? You would have recognized him earlier if he were in your little...group, wouldn’t you?”

McGucket thought for a moment, obviously trying to conjure forth something that made him think of Dr. Matthews. Finally, he ran a hand through his hair, sighing in frustration, and said, “I don’t think so? My mind is only just now starting to heal, and things are still mighty mixed up in there. I induct every member myself, though, so he might be in here somewhere.”

“Ed doesn’t even believe in the supernatural stuff in this town,” Helen added, squeezing her beer can harder. It sounded to Stan like she were trying to prove it more to herself than him and McGucket. “Even if he had come across it, he wouldn’t need some memory-erasing gun to convince himself it wasn’t real.”

“Maybe that’s not the thing that Ed was trying to forget,” Stan said.

Helen glanced over at him, her brow furrowed in confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Stan chewed his lower lip, trying to find a way to say this without setting Helen off again. As thoughts of being kicked out, living out of his car, crushing loneliness assaulted him from all sides, he realized there wasn’t really a way to do that. So he said, “Let’s just say things don’t necessarily have to be supernatural for people to want to forget them.”

Helen turned fully in her chair to face him, and Stan immediately regretted opening his big mouth. The beer can crumpled completely under her grip. He steeled himself against whatever angry words Helen was preparing to sling his way.

Then McGucket cleared his throat. Helen snapped her head back to look at him, and Stan swore he saw the other man shrivel a bit under her gaze. Eventually, McGucket managed to stammer out, “I would...that is, I think Stan might be right? Maybe you could, um, I dunno, tell us if anything unusual has happened to Dr. Matthews. Y-you know, if that’s okay with you.”

Stan could practically see the anger drip from Helen’s shoulders. The guilt returned with incredibly force. He’d never seen her like this, but whatever was going on in her mind, he could tell it was eating away at the edges of that level-headedness he so admired in her.

Helen sighed, and finally said, quietly, “I mean, his wife died about two years ago, but it wasn’t what anyone would call unusual. She’d been in a bad way for a long time.”

“What happened?” McGucket asked. His tone was genuinely sympathetic.

“Ovarian cancer,” Helen replied. “Poor Andrea wasted away for months near the end. Then Ed came into her hospital room one day after his rounds, and she was...already gone.” Helen cast her gaze down to the floor, letting silence fill the moment. Stan and McGucket stayed respectfully silent.

Helen sighed again, lifted her head, and said, with renewed conviction, “Ed was torn up about it, sure, but he would never want to forget Andrea. He loved that woman. They were married for forty-two years. There’s no way he’d ever want to wipe her from his memories.”

“Of course not,” McGucket said. Stan saw him reach out a hand, as if he could comfort Helen from the awful thoughts from across the table. But then McGucket thought better of it and pulled it back. “Besides,” he continued, “we don’t deal with memories like that.”

“What do you mean, ‘memories like that’?” Stan asked.

“I guess you could call them “real life” memories,” McGucket said. “Things like the death of a loved one or bad break ups or other traumatic things like that. I would never agree to erase those memories.”

“Why not?�� Helen asked.

“Well, there are just some memories people can’t deal with,” McGucket replied. “Memories we weren’t designed to deal with, because the things they concern shouldn’t exist. Like the things out there in those woods. Those things are too much for normal people. But trauma - the real, honest-to-goodness kind - people are strong enough to overcome those everyday traumas. Dealing with those sorts of memories helps you heal. It might even make you a stronger person in the end.”

McGucket smiled serenely as he finished his little sermon. It made Stan’s gut bubble in irritation. Hearing McGucket talk about “everyday trauma” like it was some kind of...character-building exercise, it brought that irritation up his throat and come out his mouth.

“You really buy into that, huh?”

McGucket’s smile slipped from his face as he flicked his glance over to Stan. Stan tried to maintain an air of nonchalance as he said, “You really think that people should just...deal with shit like their wives dying, but not with little bearded men rooting around in their trash?”

“Of course not,” McGucket replied, sounding legitimately shocked Stan would even suggest such a thing. “A tragedy like that isn’t just something to be glossed over. But the sort of things that the people in the Society of the Blind Eye have witnessed...it’s unfathomable. It shouldn’t even have been seen by normal human beings. We can’t begin to process it. I certainly couldn’t, thanks to Stanford.”

“I told you to watch your mouth about my brother, string bean,” Stan ground out. He forced down the tidal wave of anxiety with righteous brotherly fury.

“Guys…” Helen muttered, uselessly.

“Well, I’m sorry,” McGucket retorted, “but you can’t deny that he has to shoulder some of the blame here. What happened to me was because of him. If he hadn’t brought me out here, if he’d just left well enough alone, none of this would be happening at all.”

“Guys,” Helen repeated. A bit louder this time.

“Ford didn’t put that goddamn gun to your head and pull the trigger!” Stan shouted, rising from his chair so quickly it almost tipped over. “Ford didn’t make you run away like a coward. Ford didn’t force you to start a cult to wipe other people’s memories. One that quickly proved to be frigging useless anyway because that damn gun doesn’t even work right. Ford might have caused the accident, but you made your own choices. Was it worth it, McGucket? Was it worth dragging yourself and my brother through nine kinds of hell just because you didn’t want to deal with what happened to you?”

McGucket narrowed his eyes at Stan, in what looked to be as close to actual anger and resentment as Stan figured he could get. Through clenched teeth, he said, “You have no idea what I went through when I was here with your crazy brother. And it wasn’t just the portal. He dragged me on all kinds of insane little adventures with him. We were nearly killed half a dozen times, every time at the hands of some ungodly creature we could barely comprehend!”

“At least you got to be with my brother!” Stan shouted back. He didn’t even care that his voice cracked, although it seemed to surprise McGucket a bit. The anger left the other man’s face. Even Helen was staring at Stan in shock.

Stan continued anyway. “You didn’t even know I existed before now, did you? Even when you knew Ford and had all your memories, he probably never told you about me. Wanna know why? Because up until a month ago, I was living out of my fucking car because he hated my guts. One stupid mistake and I lost my brother for ten years. Is that one of your “everyday traumas”, McGucket? Am I strong enough to move past poverty and prison and near suicide?”

McGucket flinched like he’d been struck across the face. “Oh, didn’t like hearing about that, did you?” Stan said, pulling back the sleeve of his sweatshirt. A faded, ghostly scar ran up the length of his arm. If you weren’t looking close enough, you could miss it entirely. He shoved the scar close to McGucket’s face, and said, “Is this the kind of trauma I can just work through? While you were out having the life with my brother I’d only dreamed about? While I nearly bled out in my car?! Answer me, you little bastard!”

“Stan, stop it!” Helen shouted.

Stan stopped talking, but he didn’t take his gaze off McGucket or make a move to take his arm away. He wanted the uppity little shit to know exactly who he’d just told to “work through it”.

“Walk away, Stan,” Helen said quietly. The firm, maternal tone was back. He knew he should listen. But a sadistic part of him stayed still, his arm still outstretched. A phantom pain tripped up his scar, the first he’d had in years. It made him want to scream.

A whine from Ripley echoed from the hall, followed by her scratching at the door.

“Stan.” Helen was urging him again. Just walk away.

Finally, he pulled down the sleeve of his shirt, once again covering up the scar. He pushed his chair back and stepped away from the table, then stomped out of the kitchen. Another glance over his shoulder showed that McGucket looked pretty damn horrified by what he’d just seen.

The only thing that really upset Stan was the look on Helen’s face. She looked so tired, ready to fall apart at any minute. He found it very telling that she didn’t leap to comfort McGucket as soon as Stan was out of their view.

He grabbed his coat from the living room sofa where he’d tossed it. Ripley was still at the door, decidedly subdued. Instead of leaping about in excitement over a trip outside, she watched her master carefully, almost fearfully. Stan patted her head as he opened the door to let her out. He followed her.

The last time he and Ford had fought, Stan had gone to the gas station the next day to pick up a pack of cigarettes. Just in case. They and a lighter were in the glove box of the Stanley Mobile. He thought it was a pretty good testament to not only his resolve, but the strengthening bond between the brothers that he hadn’t had a reason to open them yet.

Not to mention he knew Ford and Helen would give him such a lecture if they ever caught him smelling like smoke.

But now, as Ripley trotted beside him, matching his purposeful stride, he headed towards the car. He didn’t even bother putting his hood up to keep himself dry. Not like the fleece jacket could help much anyway. At least the rain had stopped coming down in sheets and was now just falling steadily.

He’d forgotten to lock it when he and Helen had rushed inside, so he slid into the driver’s side easily, the leather squelching under him. Ripley sat on the ground right outside the door, looking at him thoughtfully. She seemed to be in no big hurry to be done and out of the rain. He leaned over, popped open the glove box, and removed the cigarettes and lighter.

The flame licking at the tip of the cigarette filled the small space with an orange glow. He doused it quickly and took a long drag. As he held it in, he let all the fantasies come rushing back - the things he and Ford had planned to do as children, treasure hunting, picking up babes, traveling the world and seeing new sights. All the stuff that self-righteous little idiot inside had and was too dense to realize how precious it was.

Two fat streams of tears fall down his cheeks as he exhaled.

------------

Ivan didn’t sleep very often. He didn’t like how vulnerable it made him feel. And he certainly didn’t like to dream.

So, most nights, he just sat up on his cot in the bowels of their inner sanctum. Sat up and looked at the picture he’d clipped out of the newspaper.

The boy in the picture was fourteen years old. Even though the picture wasn’t in color, Ivan knew the boy had brown hair and steely gray eyes. He was tall, slender, his face betraying not a single emotion perceptible to the average person. But Ivan could see the sadness in the boy’s eyes - a sadness deep and painful, but not fully understood. Ivan supposed he could be blamed for that, at least.

Perhaps blamed for the sadness going a bit deeper than it should.

But he was going to fix that. He’d promised to after all.

As soon as this business with McGucket was taken care of, he could move on. Fulfill his promise.

He read the caption below the picture. Preston Northwest, son of the late Auldman and Angelica Northwest of Gravity Falls Oregon.

Ivan returned his gaze to the picture. This time, he didn’t focus his normal eye on the face of Preston Northwest.

Instead, he focused his red, filmed eye right over the boy’s head.

To the thing no normal camera would reveal to anyone with a normal set of eyes.

To the floating, yellow triangle in a top hat, lazily hovering, almost seeming to whisper in the boy’s ear.

---

Y rpgylejc bckml, gjj-emrrcl eyglq Aclrspgcq-mjb qglq yld bpgcb, zimmdw qryglq Y jgrrjc zmw'q qyblcqq, y jgdc md pcepcr Rfcqc ypc rfc rfgleq Gxyl bypc lmr dmpecr

#mystery nerds au #seared with scars #ford pines #stan pines #fiddleford mcgucket #helen bergstrum #blind ivan #the society of the blind eye #tw torture #tw violence #tw suicide mention #tw discussions of death #tw smoking

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brrahbrrahcharacterimagines · 7 years ago

Text

Preference: How You Meet

MASTERLIST

Warnings: Cursing but I think that’s it

Note: Sorry the Negan one is so long. I wanted his exact words, but then he talked for fucking forever. I ended up giving up and cutting him off.

Rick Grimes

“And who might that be?” Asked Rick, pointing to a girl with (h/l), (h/c) hair teaching kids how to shoot a bow.

“That,” replied Morgan, “is Y/n. Why do you ask?”

“I guess she just caught my eye.”

Although Rick had come to talk to your leader Ezekiel about an impending war, he might just have to stay a little while longer now.

Negan

“Pissing our pants yet?” Said the man, who you assumed was Negan, as he stepped out of the RV. The man sent shivers up your spine. “Boy, do I have a feeling we’re getting close. Yep, it’s gonna be pee-pee pants city here real soon. Which one of you pricks is the leader?” You stayed kneeling on the ground, terrified of what may happen. Negan was holding a baseball bat with what looked like barbed wire on the end, and you had a feeling it wasn’t used for anything cute or cuddly.

“This one,” said one of the men from the treeline. “He’s the guy.” He pointed to Rick. You assumed that by ‘he’s the guy’, the man didn’t just mean the leader. Rick was the guy who took down the outpost, along with the rest of you. Negan sighed.

“Hi. You’re Rick, right? I’m Negan. And I do not appreciate you killing my men. Also, when I sent my people to kill your people for killing my people, you killed more of my people.” Negan sounded almost excited, nearly joking. Although he was completely serious and obviously very angry, the man was somehow able to sound lighthearted. And it was more terrifying than if he were angry. “Not cool. Not cool. You have no idea, how not cool that shit is. But, I think you’re going to be up to speed shortly.”

What did this man have planned here? You thought. Surely he was going to kill all of you. You only hoped it would be quick, and that the damn bat was just for show.

“You are so going to regret crossing me in a few minutes.” Said Negan softly, looking dangerously into Rick’s eyes as if he were searching them for Rick’s emotions. Then he smiled a terrifying smile. “Yes, you are.”

Everything about the situation was unsettling, and every fiber of your being was screaming at you to run. If you weren’t frozen in fear, if you weren’t afraid of the men surrounding you, you would have. But even though all of your sensors were buzzing, you knew that if you moved you would die.

“You see, Rick, whatever you do- no matter what- you don’t mess with the new world order. And the new world order is this. And it’s really very simple. SO even if you’re stupid, which you very well may be, you can understand it. You ready? Here goes.” Said Negan. With every word, his speech grew longer and your heart beat faster. Every beat of your heart filled you with dread and made you sink lower to the ground. “Pay attention. Give me your shit, or I will kill you.” RIck looked up at Negan, although he was obviously afraid your strong leader still managed to show defiance on his features.

“Today was a career day. We invested a lot of time so that you would know who I am, and what I can do. You work for me now.” For the first time, Negan made eye contact with you as he paced in front of the group. “If you have shit,” he smiled cockily, “you give it to me. That’s your job.” He continued to pace, looking at every single one of your friends.

“Now I know, that is a big, nasty pill to swallow. But swallow it,” continued Negan, sneaking a glance back at you to wink, “you most certainly will.” It disgusted you. Had you been meeting any other way, you would have been able to take in his strong, broad shoulders and neatly trimmed beard. Now, however, all you could notice was the bad in his hands and the hate in his heart. You could not see the beauty in a man who you were sure would kill somebody tonight, and no doubt take pleasure in doing so.

“So, Rick.” Said Negan as he walked back towards you, a suffocating fear making its way up your insides and into your throat. “What have we got here?” Negan got close to your face, close enough that you could smell the leather of his jacket and feel the warmth of his breath. Mustering all the courage you could, you spoke.

“My name is Y/n.”

“Damn, a woman who speaks up herself instead of letting their leader do it.” Negan smirks. “I happen to find that pretty fucking attractive.”

“Fuck you.” You said, even though all of your cells screamed at you to let it go. However, even through your fear you knew that this would be a big moment and that you needed to stand up for yourself.

“Well lookie here at that!” Boomed Negan. “She’s got quite the mouth on her. I wonder what else it could do.” Negan stood up, pointing at the treeline. “Simon, get her in the RV.”

Ignoring your protests, screams and kicking, the man named Simon grabbed you and dragged you to the RV. And in that moment, you knew that your life was going to change completely.

Daryl Dixon

“Y/n,” said Daryl as he came around the corner. The two of you had a few classes together but never talked other than maybe saying “excuse me” in the high school’s hallways.

“What do you want?” You ask softly, wiping away your tears in an attempt to look less weak.

“I, uh, heard what Merle said to you today at school.” He said quietly, making his way over to where you sat.

“Well, don’t worry about me,” you muttered with a sniffle, “he’s right. Besides, I know he’s your brother. Have you come to make fun of me too?” Daryl immediately grabbed your face softly, making you look into his eyes.

“Y/n, he may be my brother. But that doesn’t mean I agree with him. He told you that you were flat-chested and ugly, but I came here to tell you that it’s a damn lie.” Said Daryl truthfully, pressing a soft kiss to the side of your temple, surprising you. After doing so, he hurriedly got up and rushed out the door, leaving you to process what the hell had just happened, and what the hell he had meant.

Glenn Rhee

You open the door to your apartment as you hear a soft knock. You had ordered pizza nearly half an hour ago, and you were starving.

“So, that’s a medium (Favorite topping/s) pizza, an order of breadsticks, and a small-” said the delivery boy, cutting himself off when he looked up from the receipt to look at you. “Cheesy bread,” he finished.

“Yeah, that sounds about right.” You say, deciding to ignore his odd behavior. “The girl on the phone said it would be around $25, is that right?”

“Y-yea. It comes to $22.29.” He said, stuttering and blushing after he did so.

“Here, I’ll give you a twenty and a five, keep the change.” You said, handing him the money in exchange for the food. “Hey, are you alright?” You asked the boy.

“I’m okay.” He said, turning to walk away as you closed the door. “Wait,” he said before you could close the door completely. You open it back up.

“Yes?”

“Could I maybe, get your number?” He asked, looking into your eyes. You could tell he was nervous. You smiled, he was pretty cute.

“Here,” you say, flipping over the receipt and writing your phone number on the back using a pen you borrowed from him. You gave the receipt back to him, and he seemed a bit shocked. “My name’s Y/n, by the way.”

“I’m Glenn. Glenn Rhee.”

Abraham Ford

Hearing a car coming down the street from your current hideout in a small boutique, you ran outside. Whatever had been going on had not been happening for too long yet, only a couple weeks to a month, but you knew by now that those things couldn’t drive.

When you made it outside, you saw that it was actually a large truck travelling down the street. Hoping they would stop, you made your way into the road and began waving your arms. The truck slowed to a stop and two men got out. The man who seemed to be in charge walked closer to you, pointing a gun. His hair was fire-red and his mustache matched.

“Who are you?” Boomed his voice.

“M-my name is Y/n.” You replied meekly, afraid of the gun he was brandishing, or rather the fact that it was pointed at your head.He noticed your fear and realized that you meant no harm. He pointed the gun at the ground instead.

“Well Y/n, I’m Sergeant Abraham Ford. Pleased to meet you.” He said.

“Uh, nice to meet you too.”

“This,” he said as he motioned to a man behind him sporting a dark mullet, “is Eugene. He’s a scientist. He knows how to put a stop to this whole thing, all we have to do is get him to Washington D.C.”

“We?”

“You’re welcome to come with us. I’ve been missing the company of a woman.” Abraham smirked, and you let out a small laugh. Maybe a group was what you needed in this apocalypse.

“Sure.”

Carl Grimes

Carl spotted you as he walked around Alexandria a couple days after they arrived. The sun was just setting, and it illuminated your face beautifully as he passed you. He smiled in your direction, and you returned the smile. He took that as an invitation to speak.

“I’m Carl, my dad’s the leader of the group that just arrived here.” He said, extending his hand. You took his hand, shaking it and feeling the callouses.

“I’m Y/n, I’ve lived here for almost 6 months.” You reply.

“Well Y/n, I hope I get the chance to see more of you.” Said Carl as you parted ways.

“Me too Carl. Me too.”

King Ezekiel

After wandering on your own after your group was attacked by a horde of walkers, you were luckily found by two men on horseback wearing full body armor. They took you back to their home, calling it ‘The Kingdom’, which wasn’t a bad name considering the fact that it was huge. After a day to get cleaned up a bit and rest after weeks in the woods, they took you to meet their leader. Expecting a creepy older man calling himself ‘King’, you were politely surprised when you looked into Ezekiel’s big brown eyes.

“What is your name, my lady?” Asked the King in a deep voice you could certainly get used to.

“Uh, my name is Y/n,” you say awkwardly, unsure if you were supposed to bow or not.

“Well, Lady Y/n, I am King Ezekiel. Welcome to the Kingdom.”

Paul “Jesus” Rovia

This was it. After years of going strong, this is how you would meet your end. Standing on the roof of your car that had shut down, you looked down at the walkers surrounding. Although there were only three, there was no way you could evade them without risking severe injury to yourself. And thanks to your forgetfulness, all of your weapons were still in your car. You screamed in vain, knowing that nobody would hear you. Knowing that it was only a matter of time before you would have to give in and let the monsters devour you.

*Thud!*

A loud noise from behind you made you jump, almost losing your balance on the vehicle. You turned to see a figure pulling his knife out of the walker’s head before proceeding to the next. You watched as the figure easily plunged the knife into the second walker’s skull, and then the third’s. After they were finished, they looked up at you, extending a hand. You took it and allowed them to help you off the car. The figure pulled down the bandana covering the majority of their face to reveal the very handsome man beneath.

“My name’s Paul, but mostly everyone calls me Jesus. What’s yours?”

“My name’s Y/n, and everyone mostly calls me Y/n.” You reply, trying to be witty. It works, and Jesus cracks a small smile.

“Y/n, would you like to come back with me to the Hilltop? It’s a group of survivors. It would be better than out here on your own.”

You nod, following him after grabbing a backpack full of supplies from your now-useless car.

Dwight

“Hey,” came a voice softly as the bench next to you squeaked. “Are you new here? I haven’t seen you around, and you were sitting by yourself at lunch so I just assumed.”

You turned to see the source of the voice only to freeze. The man you recognized as Negan’s right-hand man was staring back at you. You just stared, not saying anything. Suddenly the man got up to leave.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry. I forgot about the whole face thing. I’m just going to-” he stopped as you touched his arm.

“Yes, I’m new.” You responded. “I’m sorry too, I’m just surprised that you would be talking to me. Aren’t you usually with Negan?”

“Well I couldn’t just let a pretty girl sit by herself, could I?” Replied the man as he sat back down with a smile. You blushed and looked away. “So what’s your name?” He asked.

“Y/n. Y/n L/n.”

“Well, I’m D. Or Dwight. You can call me either.” He told you with a smile. You could get used to seeing this ‘Dwight’ more often.

Simon

“Well, well, well.” Said a man’s voice as a dark figure approached your hiding spot in the abandoned warehouse. A man with a mustache peered behind the boxes, looking at you. “What have we got here?”

“I’m sorry,” you said quickly, “I didn’t know somebody was already here. I thought this place was empty. I’ll just leave, please don’t hurt me.”

“Oh, I wasn’t planning on hurting you. I don’t like hurting pretty women. Do you want to leave this warehouse? And leave the life of running from place to place to avoid becoming walker food?”

You nodded.

“Well then honey, come back with me. We call ourselves the Saviors, and as long as you contribute you can make our Sanctuary your home. I’m Simon.”

“I’m Y/n.”

Merle Dixon

As a newcomer to Woodbury, they quickly put you to work in the small hospital due to your experience as a nurse before the apocalypse.

“Y/n,” said Linda, the head nurse, and your boss. “You’ll be taking care of Merle Dixon today. You haven’t met him yet, he just got back from a run. He only has a few minor wounds, but he can be a huge pain to us nurses. I know you haven’t been here long, I can take care of it if you would like.”

“Linda, I may not have been here long. I have however had my fair share of difficult patients. I think I can manage.” You say, waving her off as you make your way into the room he was supposed to be waiting in.

“Suit yourself,” she said and went back to whatever paperwork the Governor was wanting her to fill out.

You walked down the hallway until you found room 3, the name on the door reading “Merle”. You opened the door slowly, peering in to make sure he wasn’t sleeping. A man, who you assumed was Merle, was sitting on the bed with his legs swung over the edge.

“Merle?” You questioned, bringing his attention to you as you shut the door quietly behind you.

“Well shit, they sure have upgraded the nurses since I left.” He said with a smirk. You blushed at the compliment.

“Well thank you, I think. What seems to be the problem?” You ask, trying to ignore the eyes on your body as you looked at the table full of supplies in the corner of the room.

“Well Sugar, I just got back from a run and I happened to get a little banged up. Just a couple of cuts is all, nothing major but the Governor was wanting me to come in any way.” Merle said. You grabbed a couple of bandages and supplies to clean any existing wound and got to work.

“So, you never told me your name.” Said Merle as you wrapped a larger cut on his arm, pretending not to notice how well-built he was.

“My name’s Y/n.” You told him.

“Well Y/n, I am glad I got to meet you. Because you are one hot nurse.”

MASTERLIST

#The Walking Dead #the walking dead x reader #rick grimes x reader #negan x reader #daryl dixon x reader #glenn rhee x reader #abraham ford x reader #carl grimes x reader #king ezekiel x reader #jesus x reader #paul rovia x reader #dwight x reader #dwight twd x reader #twd #twd x reader #simon twd x reader #simon x reader #merle dixon x reader #merle x reader

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justsomebucky · 8 years ago

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Ten Years (Part 6)

Summary: AU. When a major account is on the line at work, reader is forced to revisit some old connections at her ten year high school reunion for a chance at success. Will she let the past consume her, or will she see the future in her grasp?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 3,014

Warnings: language, sarcasm, fluff, mentions of past cheating, drinking, potentially anxious situations

A/N: Tags are closed!! It’s winding down, I think.

*Jean-Ralphio voice* We’re at the reuuuUUuuuniooooooooon!

You stared at your reflection in the mirror.

For most of the day, before your current staring session, you and Bucky sat in his hotel room going over the plan and the potential pitch. You went back and forth with questions and answers, coming up with what-if scenarios, and trying to think of every possible direction things could go. You were as prepared as you were going to be, at least for the work portion.

Bucky was definitely ready. In fact, you’d never seen someone more prepared for anything than he was for this reunion. He was confident, though slightly nervous by his own admission. This was going to be the biggest pitch of his career so far. You could see in his eyes that he was secretly exhilarated at the chance to once again be the company golden boy.

It was more than that, though. He loved the chase, loved winning people over. Bucky had mentioned it at the diner with eyes alight. He loved landing a new client, a new account, and reaping the benefits. After that came a new chase, a new client, a new goal in sight. He never settled for long on any one thing.

This seemed to include people. Friends and colleagues were replaceable and interchangeable to him. That part disappointed you the most.

You had finally admitted it to yourself this evening while you were getting dressed: you had a big giant whopper of a crush on Bucky Barnes. It was completely unfortunate and poorly-timed. It was also fruitless.

You knew that no matter how well this went, he’d never settle for you. He’d basically said so himself; he wanted the best, and wasn’t going to waste time on anything less.

Besides, you couldn’t really get involved with someone at work, especially someone they were considering to become your next manager.

You let out a huge sigh, running your fingers over your hair one last time. An alert sounded from your phone, and as you reached for it, you saw Wanda was trying to FaceTime with you.

Her cheerful face filled your screen the second you answered. “Hi! You look amazing,” she exclaimed. “Are you nervous?”

You let out a humorless laugh. “Of course I’m nervous, Wanda, how could I not be? It’s been ten freakin’ years since I last saw everyone.”

She made a face. “Don’t let the past dictate your future. People change. You’ve changed, haven’t you? Tonight, you’re going to go into that gym, head held high, with a hottie on your arm, and you are going to own that reunion. You hear me? You are going to forget about work for a minute and enjoy yourself, too. Don’t forget to enjoy it.”

“I don’t think I’ll have time to enjoy myself.” You shook your head at her. “Bucky is dead-set on getting this pitch over with.”

“Bucky has no clue how to interact with someone when he’s not in it for work, that’s why. You’ll just have to help him out a little, Y/N.”

“Help him out?”

“Yeah.” She gave a cheeky smile. “You know, there’s going to be alcohol, and dancing. You know.”

“Oh, no no no, I can’t,” you sputtered. “Can you really imagine Bucky dancing? Come on, Wanda, I know you’re a hopeless romantic, but I didn’t think you were that crazy!”

“You just have to be brave and open-minded, that’s all.”

“Whatever, it’s not gonna happen. I don’t need to be open-minded or brave. This is just for work.” You didn’t mention that you were so nervous you were sweating.

A dreamy look appeared on her face. “I can picture it, though. You walk in on Bucky’s arm. All the people who used to think you were a nerd see you in a new light. You’re gorgeous, successful, confident, and most importantly, you showed up, despite what happened to you during your time there. If that isn’t brave, I don’t know what is.”

For the first time since this whole ordeal started, you felt grateful for Wanda’s meddling. If she hadn’t tossed you into this mess head-first with Bucky, you would never have come to the reunion. You’d be sitting at home right now, imaging how the reunion was going, thinking about Clint and Natasha slow dancing and everyone complimenting them. No one would remember you. No one would know how much you’ve changed, how much you don’t need Natasha or Clint to be happy in life.

There would be no closure for you, no chance at letting it all go, if it wasn’t for Wanda and her big mouth. You also got a night out with Bucky as your date, even if it was all pretend.

“Thank you,” you whispered, trying not to get emotional in front of her. “Thank you for forcing me to have the courage to do this.”

Wanda grinned, looking a bit misty-eyed herself. “You had the courage this whole time, Y/N. Just go out and put it to good use.”

---

Bucky was supposed to meet you at your door at seven. The two of you were just going to walk to the gym, since it was only a couple of blocks away.

You glanced one last time in the mirror. The dress you’d picked out when you’d gone shopping with Bucky still looked great on you. Your hair was done, along with some light makeup, and you’d calmed down enough to stop sweating so much.

When he finally knocked, you walked over (carefully, as you were wearing new shoes, too) and answered the door.

You nearly fell over.

Bucky was wearing a suit that was completely black, even the dress shirt. He had a bit of light stubble on his face, and he looked so damn good, like he stepped off a Tom Ford runway or something. How did he do that? Your breath hitched in your throat for a second, before you shook it off and smiled. “All black, too?”

“We’re from the city,” he reminded you, chuckling. “We have to look the part. Professional yet youthful. Besides, I wanted to match you. You look amazing, by the way.”

Your face heated up almost instantly. “So do you.”

He held out his arm with a small smile. “Shall we?”

“We shall.” You linked your arm with his, and the two of you remained that way for the entire walk to your old high school.

---

The building looked the same as it ever did, except for the new paint job. Someone had strung fairy lights all over the place, and a big banner welcomed your class to its ten year reunion in the official school colors.

You let go of Bucky as the two of you made your way inside.

“Oh geez,” you muttered, wringing your hands nervously. There were so many familiar faces, except now they looked so grown up. “This is so weird.”

Bucky reached out and took your right hand into his left, squeezing it gently. “Don’t focus on them. Focus on you, and what you want from tonight.” He flashed a quick smile before turning his attention back to the line.

Easy for him to say. He had no clue the affect he was having on you just by holding your hand. Plus, one look at Bucky, and Natasha would probably sign over the papers to her future firstborn. He was that convincing, but also that enticing. Your stomach started churning at the thought of her meeting him, though you knew it was inevitable. It was necessary. It was the point of tonight.

The two of you kept shuffling forward, until finally it was your turn at the name tag table.

A very familiar blonde woman sat there, smiling at you. “Hi, Y/N! Wow, it’s been so long!” She stood up and hurried around the table to throw her arms around you.

Oh crap. Her name was…what was her name?

“Virginia!” It finally hit you. She had been in lots of your classes, especially senior year. Everyone called her Ginny in school, though she hated that nickname. “I’m so glad you’re here!”

She pulled away from you and smiled. “Yeah, you know, none of the officers could be bothered to actually do any work for this event, so here I am!” She turned to Bucky. “And I’m sorry, but I don’t remember you?”

Bucky gave her his million-dollar smile. “My name is James Barnes, ma’am, and you probably don’t remember me because I didn’t go to school here.”

Ginny just about lost it, her smile was so wide. “Oh, no wonder I didn’t recognize you! I think it’d remember someone as handsome as you going to our school.”

You bit back a grin, seeing Bucky’s face falter in embarrassment for the first time ever. Leave it to a bold personality like Ginny’s to make Bucky blush.

“Here, let me find your name tag, Y/N. Hmmm…there it is!” She turned back to you with your name tag, which turned out to be just a sticker. You peeled the backing and placed it on your dress carefully.

“Write your name on one of the spare stickers,” Ginny instructed to Bucky. You watched as he carefully wrote James on his name tag.

“Seemed a bit more professional,” he supplied when he saw the look you were giving him.

“Ah,” you nodded. “I’m going to end up calling you Bucky all night, just a forewarning. And who knows what I’ll call you if I have a couple of drinks!”

Bucky laughed, shaking his head as he turned back to your old classmate. “It was nice to meet you, Virginia.”

“You too! Good seeing you again, Y/N, don’t be a stranger!”

You gave her a warm smile and let Bucky lead you by the hand further into the gymnasium.

The whole space was beautiful. There was no way you’d ever recognize that it was a gymnasium from the way it looked tonight. There were tons more fairy lights, with white cloth covering all the unsightly parts of the walls, and lots of welcome banners all around. It almost looked like a wedding reception was going on instead of a class reunion.

The gym floor had been divided into two sections. The first half was filled with tables, complete with centerpieces and fancy place settings. To the side of those were the buffet-style catering tables.

The second section was a makeshift dance floor, with a DJ booth, mood lighting, and a couple little laser lights that flashed pattern onto the floor.

Much to your relief, right in the middle of the gym was a bar, where many people were already gathering. If anyone knew how to make the most of an open bar, it was your classmates.

“This is freaky,” you commented, eyes wide as you glanced around.

“It’s nice.”

You turned to see Bucky’s expression. His blue eyes were just as intrigued as he took everything in. He turned to look at you. “It’s a nice party. It isn’t how I pictured it at all.”

Now you made a face at him. Was that nearly an insult? “What were you expecting?”

“Oh, calm down,” he said with a chuckle. “I meant I only know what I’ve seen in movies. This is just much nicer than what I’ve seen in movies.”

“You never went to your reunion?” He was a little older than you, so his ten year reunion had come and gone by now.

“Nope.”

You merely hummed at him as your eyes landed back on the bar. “What do you say we get ourselves a drink and then find our table?”

“Sounds good.”

Bucky kept your hand in his the whole way over to the bar. Boy, he was really laying this on thick, wasn’t he? You were grateful, though, because if you had come to this reunion alone, you’d be mortified by now. Everyone around you seemed to have a date, even if it was just a group of friends who showed up together.

Once you’d ordered your drinks, you both wandered around from table to table, peering at place cards.

“We’re over here,” Bucky called to you from two tables away. They put you near the bar; that was the best news ever.

Each of these rounded tables held six place settings, so you knew you wouldn’t be alone with Bucky all night. You went over to him and set your clutch down on the table. Bucky pulled out your seat for you, and just as you thanked him and were about to sit, your eyes landed on the place setting across the table from you. The name on the card stood out in bold calligraphy, almost like it was mocking you.

“They sat us all together,” you told him, a frown forming on your face. “They had the nerve, the actual nerve to put me at the same table as them!”

Bucky flopped down in his chair and took a long sip from his drink. He didn’t even need to read the card to know who you meant. “It’s fine, Y/N, that’ll give us more time to talk to her about work.”

You were too busy fuming to agree. “I cannot believe this! Everyone here knows what happened. I was the laughingstock of senior year!”

“Please, Y/N.” His voice was low as he leaned closer to you. “It’ll be okay. I’m here, all right? No one’s going to say a word unless you want them to.”

“So if one of them brings up something uncomfortable, and I want out of the conversation, what should I say?”

He stared at you. “Well, what do most adults do? Say you need to use the restroom, or you’re going to get another drink. Say you want to dance.”

Your eyes widened. “Dance?”

“Well, there is a dance floor, and we are supposed to act like a couple, right? I don’t think it would kill you.”

“No, you’re right,” you agreed, turning your head back to the seats across from you. Maybe Wanda was right, too. “There are lots of ways to remove myself from an uncomfortable situation.”

“Exactly. So, how about we take our first reunion picture of the night, and then have some fun for a while? We’re going to have plenty of time for –“

He was cut off by a female voice.

“Wow, I guess they really did seat us together, didn’t they?”

Your head snapped up, and for the first time in ten years, you found yourself face-to-face with Natasha Romanoff.

You willed yourself to not go into full-blown anxiety mode.

Bucky slid his hand into yours again almost immediately, giving a reassuring squeeze as if to remind you of his presence.

“Natasha.” You managed to find your voice after a couple seconds of stunned silence. “Hi!”

Hi? That was the best you could do? Ugh…this was going to be a long night if you couldn’t even fake small talk with the woman.

You stood up, with Bucky following suit, as she came around the table to greet you. She was alone, but Clint had to be nearby somewhere. After all, according to Facebook, they were joined at the hip. “How are you?”

Bucky’s hand dropped from yours as Natasha reached out to give you a light hug. “I’m doing well. How are you?” She pulled back, her hands still grasping your arms.

“I’m great. This is James, by the way.” You turned to Bucky with pleading eyes, and he stepped forward, shaking Natasha’s hand.

“Nice to meet you, Natasha.”

“You as well, James.” She gave him a big smile before turning back to you. “I was wondering if someone would put us at the same table. Clint is here, too, he’s just parking the car. The spaces in the lot were completely gone.”

The fakest laugh you ever heard erupted from your own mouth. “You hear that, honey? I’m glad we decided to walk.” You turned to Bucky, leaning into his shoulder. The corner of his mouth lifted just a little when he realized what you were doing.

Nat raised an eyebrow. “You walked here?”

“We’re staying just a couple blocks away in a hotel,” Bucky explained. “I didn’t want either of us to worry about driving. I wanted my Y/N to focus on having a good time.”

“Ah.” She gave a nod, before turning her eyes toward the bar, her own discomfort becoming evident. “I’m going to go get myself a drink. Do either of you need a refill?”

“We’re fine for now, thanks,” he replied.

Once she was away from the table, you turned to Bucky, eyes wide. “This is going to be a disaster!”

“Don’t panic. Once everyone settles in and has a few drinks, the conversation will get easier. Then we can start discussing Tony Stark’s initiatives, and hopefully leave this place with a sense of accomplishment.” He ran a hand down his face before turning to meet your gaze.

“Yeah, I think a true sense of accomplishment is going to require a lot more rum than this,” you retorted, throwing back the rest of your drink. “Maybe I should have asked her to get me another. That’d be the nicest thing she’s ever done for me.”

Bucky let out a loud laugh. “Lighten up, Y/N. You’re doing really well so far.”

“Am I? I haven’t acted in a long time, I was worried my old drama skills had faded.”

“No, you’re very convincing.” His eyes dropped to his own drink, and he took a generous sip. “I wonder who else is going to be sitting here.”

“Let’s find out.” You reached over and plucked the name card. “Scott Lang. I remember him! He has a great sense of humor.”

Bucky did the same on his side. “It looks like Virginia is over here.”

“I guess that means that two people actually did show up alone,” you mused. “Interesting.”

“What’s so interesting?”

Both you and Bucky looked up as Natasha came back to the table, drink in hand and another person in tow.

Your entire body froze as you locked eyes with Clint Barton.

---

Part 7

PERMA TAGS:

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Story Tags: @srgtjamesbarnes107 @caitsymichelle13 @karipaleta @unevenpages @themistsofmyavalon @themanwiththemetalarm @marvelgoateecollection @awwtommo @stentorian-lore-n @lilyoflothlorien @tenaecious @winterhurricane @musichowler @38leticia @buckybarnesbestbabe @maece-rette @the-renaissance @mrs-lamezec @skywalkerswift @grumpybeyonce @cadetomlinson @captainmqmeep @killer-stiles @sociallyimpairedme @fancybasementpersona @siobhanrebecca @kenobi-and-barnes @basicallybucky @supernaturaldean67 @sebuckytucker @queenllamamama13 @potatoandfries @arie-tfw

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes drabble #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes reader insert #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x you #james buchanan barnes x reader #james buchanan barnes #marvel au #avengers au #modern bucky barnes au #just-some-drabbles

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noah-andrews · 6 years ago

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Presentation 12 - Emrys & Jamie

Partners: James Beiste & Emrys Hudson Date: June 1st, 2018 Notes: A scene with a lot of risk. Emrys and Jamie do something new to both of them and must be very careful. But with trust on both sides they prove to themselves that they can do it.

Jamie was in his best Tom Ford suit, sunglasses in place, and silk tie wrapped around his hand. His other hand sought out the warmth beside him. When he made contact with Emrys’ arm he smiled and slid down the arm to gently take the submissive’s hand in his own. “How are you, my dear? Remember at no point are you obliged to do anything you don’t want to do or are uncomfortable with. It doesn’t matter if you thought you could before or it’s what we agreed to. You stop things immediately, alright?” He squeezed the hand in his a little to give his words extra power. They were due to the stage, but this was too important to rush.

Emrys was nervous, he would lie about that. Though, he trusted Jamie so that did help calm the nerves that bubbled in him. When the hand took his he smiled “ thank you for saying that, Sir. I promise to know my limits and safeword if I need to.” he said letting the other know he would take safety first. When it was time, Emrys went out on stage with Jamie.

The pair walked onto the stage hand in hand. It was set up with a simple raised mattress covered in a simple cotton sheet. He oriented himself to the front of the stage and the sound of the Head’s voices. “Good morning, Headmistress, Headmaster. Today we will be showing you a scene primarily consisting of breathplay. Because of the highly dangerous nature of this particular kink. I have asked for the nurse to be present. We’ve also arranged not only for a safe word to accompany the usual stoplight system and of course a safe signal for when and if Submissive Emrys cannot speak.” He squeezed Emrys’ hand before letting go. “Please state your safe word and demonstrate your safe signal and then strip and lay on the bed, please, dear boy.”

Emrys was quiet as he helped Jamie get to the proper place on stage. He looked at the bed and off to the distance he could see the nurse before looking back at his Dom for the scene. He listened as Jamie spoke to the heads and when it was his turn he smiled “hello Headmistress and Headmaster for me.my safeword is Apple, as fort signal of I can not speak I will clap twice for Yellow and three claps for my safeword if I feel I can not continue the scene.” Emrys clapped the proper times as he spoke so the sound was there for everyone to hear. Emrys then stripped, folded his clothes and laid on the bed waiting for Jamie.

Jamie had made sure the stage was set up to his specifications so without too much trouble. He listened as Emrys stripped. He only removed his shoes before climbing up on the bed. “Good boy.” He set about unfurling the silk tie. It was about five inches wide and twenty-four inches long and of the softest silk he could find. He began to move up Emrys’ body with the tie, touching and caressing every where. He lingered at the boy’s cock but soon moved on. In the end he was sitting on his heels between the submissive’s spread legs. “I’m going to wrap this around your neck now dear one. It won’t be tight, just wrapped around.” He did so, wrapping it around from the front to the back letting the ends come out to the sides. He was nervous and needed some time to be free of those nerves before they began. He needed to be solid. So he let his hands roam his soft body and leaned in to kiss the sub’s neck, nipping and sucking until heat rose under his lips. “Are you ready? We’re going to start slowly. You’ll be able to speak and breath, though you’ll get less air than normal.” They’d practiced this, but still he’d take it slowly step by step.

Emrys laud laid flat back on the bed, he was taking slow and even breaths. He had read a lot and done his own research and he knew he needed to be calm for this. As Jamie climbed on the bed and introduced the silk tie Emrys couldn't help but purr softly “thank thank you, Sir.” he said as the other talked him through what to expect. It was easy to relax with the tie teasing him and soon the others lips on his neck causing a soft moan to escape his lips. Emrys nodded “I am ready for this, Sir.” he hummed stretching his neck out for the Switch to have full access to.

Jamie saw how well Emrys relaxed under his touch. “Good boy Emrys. And thank you for your trust in me. It’s a gift I will forever cherish. Now breath nice and slow. Remember, while you’ve given over control, your safe word forever gives you the ability to take it back in instant.” He let the words sink in before slowly smiling. “Now enough of that. Your trust earns you pleasure.” He used one hand to tighten the silk on the left side of Emrys’ neck, just lightly, listening carefully to the sound of air moving in and out. He stopped when it sounded just as they practiced and moved his free hand down to grasp the boy’s cock lightly not stroking just yet. He squeezed lightly almost in mirror of the pressure around his neck. “Feel dear boy. Just listen to your body and feel.”

Emrys smiled at the switch “you are a very trustworthy person, Sir.” he said softly before letting those words sink in. There wasn't many scenes Emrys went into with the worry of having to safeword at the front of his mind, this was one of those. He tried not to think about that as he nodded “I understand and i remember that, Sir.” he said stated. When the hand came to the tie he watched the best he could, when the tie tightened he did his best to stay breathing steadily. Though the hand around his cock caused him to buck his hips up. So far it wasn't bad, he could handle this.

After a few moments, Jamie tightened the tie just a bit and started to slowly stroke the hardening length in his hand. “Such a beautiful boy trusting me. Giving me control over your very breath. So beautiful.” He listened carefully hearing the air wheezing now. Not stopped, but slowed significantly enough to cause a slight build up of carbon dioxide in the brain. The build up would soon cause feelings of lightheadedness and giddiness. “Feel the pleasure dear boy.”

The feeling wasn't one he had felt before, the first bit of air that seemed hard to get did cause a slight panic to rise. That flight or fight feeling making its self evident as he struggled to catch a full breath. He fought through that feeling though and let the switches words ground him. That feeling of his hand pumping his cock made him moan out the best he could, though it came out a bit strangled. There was something about letting the other have this control that already had him so hard.

Jamie could feel the struggle and his instincts nearly had him letting loose the tie, but they had worked his out and as much as Emrys needed to trust Jamie with his safety, Jamie needed to trust Emrys to know when that safety was in jeopardy. It was an epiphanic moment. This was the way trust moved back and forth between the Dominant and submissive. “Good boy. Just relax. I’ve got you.” There was no need to tighten the silk any further. He could feel how slowly his breath was already moving. This was the moment that the scene hinged on. It wasn’t the climax that mattered. It was the moment when fear set in and Emrys completely let go of it along with all of his control. That moment of total freedom came at the cost of total trust. At that point the submissive might climax, might not, but as his air was returned to him he would know the release that true submission was rewarded with.

Emrys knew that the flight of fight was natural and he needed to resist it. His eyes had shut for a moment but when he opened them Jamie was all he could see. The switch looked like he knew exactly what he was doing, he looked collected and calm and for Emrys that was what he needed. He gently wrapped a hand around the others arm as he spoke. Emrys couldn't get a full breath, let alone say anything but he did want the other to know he heard him and he knew he was there. He wasn't sure how long he laid there gasping at small breaths, the wrotic sensation of someone else having that control building Inside him. When his air came back it was like a relief washed over him. He gasped in a long deep breath.

With the rush of air, so would come the rush of endorphins. There were two ways to do this. You could seek the euphoria through total hypoxia (far too dangerous in his opinion) or you could restrain oxygen and then let it flood the system. He had obviously chosen the opposite. He lifted his hand from Emrys’ cock just long enough to get some lube, ready to bring the submissive to the brink of climax and then push him over by constricting his airway at just the right moment again. His hand worked the cock quickly and expertly, rolling over the head, pumping the shaft, flicking the slit and bundle of nerves at the crown. “Good boy. You’ve given yourself to me, given me your very air. I’ll reward you now, sweet one. Let yourself go.” He’d never been one to seek out this level of control over a submissive, but he couldn’t deny that it was both arousing and satisfying. His body felt alive with the power, but it wasn’t just the power he realized. It was the trust. Having someone trust you this deeply was beyond intense. He tightened the silk yet again as he felt Emrys’ body begin to respond. “Come for me. Let go of everything and show me.”

There was a level of trust Emrys was honestly surprised he found himself giving Jamie. The switch was so kind and the way he had taken his time to talk to Ryder and practice this proved what a good guy and a good Dom he could be. He had proven that the trust was earned and now in the middle of the scene Emrys was glad he had the trust. As he took a moment to get the air back into his system his hips were already rolling against the others hand “oh….Sir…” he moaned out in pleasure wanting to have the release that was building so drastically. He was so close to spilling over when the tie tightened and his air was gone. It was my long a breath that Emrys was spilling over, covering the switches hand as he came.

Jamie smiled as Emrys’ mind and body finally gave in to the onslaught of sensations. In his release, Emrys sounded and felt absolutely gorgeous. He immediately released the silk and pulled it completely away from the submissive’s body, using it to clean them both up before setting it aside. He moved them so that he could sit beside the boy. He took a moment to coo words of comfort and praise, “So good. So beautiful.” before moving his hands up to Emrys’ neck, feeling for any signs of swelling. “How do you feel sweet boy? I want you to do a very big favor for me, okay?” He was aware that this might not be anything the Heads wanted to see as part of the scene, but it was intrinsic to this kind of play. “I want you to remember these three words bottle, shoe, forty-two. Now tell me how you’re feeling? I am feeling so proud and so honored right now. No one could be more pleased with a submissive. Such a good boy.” He let his words taper off as he pulled Emrys close and listened to the sweet boy. Once he quieted, Jamie asked him a question that would give him any sense that there was any dangerous damage done by the lack of air. He knew he was being overly cautious, but he’d rather be that than the opposite. “Can you tell me what those three words I asked you to remember?”

As Emrys came and the intense scene took a turn for being over that feeling of exhaustion crept in. After his orgasm his whole body felt wobbly, he was a bit light headed, which he was sure played in part to the lack of oxygen. It helped to be in the others arms, to have Jamie cleaning him off “thank thank you, Sir.” he said softly. It wasn't too often that a scene was so intense that Emrys fell into a sub drop like this but he was sure that was what happened. He nodded softly “I'll remember those words.” he said as he nuzzled his face against the other. Emrys took a breath “I'm tired now, Sir, drained but other then that I feel very good. Thank you for letting me explore this kink with you.” he breathed letting the conversation end. He hummed “she, bottle and uh….forty-two, right, Sir?” he asked looking up at the switch.

Jamie was sure that Emrys was alright, though he hadn’t expected this level of fatigue, though he knows he should have. It was nothing that an extra amount of aftercare wouldn’t fix. He drew the boy in closer kissing his temple and stroking his hair. Once Emrys had repeated the three words, Jamie faced out to the audience and nodded. “Thank you Headmistress, Headmaster, and the rest of staff who helped us today. I will be taking submissive Emrys to my suite for aftercare.” He helped the boy to his feet hating that he couldn’t just carry him. “Lean on me sweet boy. Just a bit longer, then you can rest and let me take care of you. You did so well.” As they started to walk slowly, he tapped his cane with one hand and kept the other firmly wrapped around the submissive. “I’m going to take care of you and then we’re going to get you to your Dom so he can show you how proud he is of you.”

Emrys let Jamie thank the heads first, he was totally in the mood for a hot bath and some amazing cuddles Emrys returned the kiss with a kiss to the others jawline before turning to look at the heads “Thank you headmistress, Headmaster.” he said softly and stood with the other, putting more weight on the switch then he normally would. He looked up at Jamie “Thank you for doing an amazing presentation with me, Sir. I am looking forward to this aftercare.” he said as they left the auditorium “I really do hope I made you proud.” And Ryder, but he thought that to himself.

End

#presentation12 #presentation 12 #emrys

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quietbreeze97 · 8 years ago

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Shadow | Forduary Week 1 Submission

A/N: This is my REALLY late contribution to week 1 of Forduary. I meant to get this finished a few days ago but I struggled figuring out the ending so that’s what kept me in a permanent block for a while. I decided to leave the ending relatively open otherwise it would have been too long anyway.

So I hope you enjoy what I managed to create! The prompt for the first week was Portal and I’ve been eager to write a Portal!Ford story for a while so this was great fun to do. This idea has been in my head for a while so I just went ahead with it. Take from it what you will. ^_^

@forduary

The feeling of being chased was not a sensation Ford was unfamiliar with. In fact, quite the opposite. But this time, for some reason, it felt incredibly different.

Even as he tucked his head into his hood as he ran, he felt more exposed than ever. Like everyone could see him for who he was – not just a fugitive or an outlaw, but a vulnerable man that’s easily caught. Maybe he wouldn’t be so easily caught this time.

The voices were dimming slightly as he hid in an alleyway, pressing his back against the wall. He felt his gun on his waist, knowing he would be protected if necessary. He listened. He could barely hear anything now.

Another problem remained, however. Perhaps an even worse one than the risk of being captured. This was a whole new dimension he’d found himself in. And he had quite literally stumbled into it with no explanation of how it had happened, and little recollection of where he had been beforehand. It was not strange for him to be crossing into other worlds frequently, but he usually had control of where he went and when he went there, at least. This had been a complete surprise. He didn’t even remember a portal appearing. It was like he had blacked out for a minute and suddenly woken up here.

He clearly hadn’t made a good first impression here either. He’d been followed and then chased for the last hour, for reasons he was unaware of, but he guessed his face was an unfortunately well-known one across dimensions by now. You don’t get around worlds being a wanted criminal with complete ease, after all.

He checked his pockets for rations. Nothing, he realised, muttering a curse. He’d have to go back out there at some point, with little knowledge of the place he’d been thrown into. But he hadn’t got anywhere without taking a few chances.

With this in mind, he kept his head covered and crept out of his hiding place.

Only to be immediately blocked by the barrel of a gun held to his forehead. “Nice try,” a gruff voice said.

“Look, this is a misunderstanding,” Ford tried to say, his voice rather hitched as he kept his eye on the gun millimetres away from his skin.

“Oh, I don’t think I’m the one misunderstanding,” the owner said, his voice like an animal’s growl despite his human appearance. “There’s a price on your head, and I ain’t letting my money get away from me again.”

Ford tensed as he heard a click from the gun, his defensive hands beginning to shake. He should just run, but he’d be caught without doubt. And if he stood still… he wouldn’t win either way.

For a moment, he thought he would just stand there and take it. But he quickly found he didn’t have to.

The gunman made a sudden jolt of movement with no apparent cause, clutching his bald head as he fell to the ground. Ford stared as he writhed in pain for a moment, and then simply went still. He barely had time to consider what might have happened, for he had only just knelt to examine him when he was suddenly grabbed from behind, an arm grasping him around the chest and pulling him with a force that nearly choked him.

“Okay, hard part over,” a female voice breathed right into his ear as he felt a cheek press right against his. “Now you and I have a little talk.”

“What? Who are you?” Ford replied indignantly, unable to hide anger at being assaulted twice in a row.

“Not here.”

The stranger released her hold slightly, moving her hand to his black cape and using it to practically drag him into the quietness of the nearby alleyways. They moved deeper into them than Ford had ever dared to venture, and didn’t appreciate being handled in a way that kept him from exploring unfamiliar places as he wished to.

When the woman seemed to deem it far enough to keep them hidden, she locked her eyes on him while unsheathing a weapon that Ford couldn’t quite decipher in the shadows. He could barely make out her face, aside from a smooth cut of dark hair that stopped at her chin. He couldn’t focus on making out the figure due to the blade she was swinging around her waist.

“So,” she began calmly, “Now that I’ve saved your precious head, are you going to tell me what the deal is?”

“What business is it of yours?” Ford asked angrily, his eyes distracted by her sharp-looking tool.

“Well, this isn’t a place for strange men in fancy get-up to be running from the authorities,” she pointed out, her head cocked like a cat’s. “Where are you from? What’s your game?”

“First of all, they were the authorities?” Ford asked, folding his arms. “They look ridiculous enough to be thieves and beggars.”

“You don’t get to judge on appearances, runaway man.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Answer my question if you don’t want to get cut right here, right now,” she snapped with a new hostility, holding the rim of the blade against his chest. It was enough to make him take a nervous step back and hold up his hands.

“Okay, okay, there’s no need to make threats,” he said with an unsteady voice, his back meeting the wall. He sighed heavily. “If you must know, I’m not here of my own accord. I… well, it’s complicated, but I essentially ended up here. But I have intentions that don’t concern you or anyone here.”

“You put on a good show. But criminals always make excuses.”

“They are not excuses and I am not a criminal.”

More or less, he thought.

“If you’re so innocent, tell me more,” the woman demanded, the pressure from her weapon beginning to constrict Ford’s chest. “Won’t do any harm, right?” she added with a sarcastic tone.

Ford was starting to lose patience. All he wanted was to escape and get on with what he needed to do. It didn’t help that her breath on his face smelled like cigarette smoke.

“Let me put it this way,” the woman said before he could argue. “If you tell me everything, maybe I can help you out.”

He narrowed his eyes sceptically. “Forgive me, but why on earth would you do that?”

“It’s kind of my job,” she said nonchalantly, lowing her weapon. Her once-threatening voice now had an oddly relaxed, conversational tone, and while it soothed Ford’s nerves, it also confused him. “This isn’t a place for good people. In general, people are bad. If they’re after you, that means you can’t be bad, even if you are a criminal.”

“So why threaten me?”

“Job description. I had to test you. Not that it wasn’t fun to freak you out,” she added with a ghost of a smile.

“You did nothing of the sort,” Ford muttered with an irritated fidget.

“Still, you’re going to have to tell me a few things. How else are we going to trust each other?”

Ford thought he saw a smile underneath the casting shadows of the walls.

Trust no-one, a passing memory whispered in his array of thoughts, making him wary of the stranger with the blade glinting by her waist.

“Fine,” he found himself muttering. “What do you want to know?”

She smiled again. “Everything.”

“What’s that?” Ford asked the woman.

A few days had passed, and they were in daylight, for lack of a better term. The clouds hung heavily over them, but Ford soon learned the weather rarely changed to anything brighter. Fortunately, they were in a quiet place, away from dangers that he wouldn’t have anticipated in the ways his companion did. The town was deserted, foggy and smoky, like a mass of buildings had collapsed into dust not long before.

Ford was eyeing the badge on her chest armour. The image engraved into the silver reminded him of shattered glass, or a spider’s web. She seemed somewhat defensive, slamming a hand against it when he wouldn’t stop staring.

“Shard emblem.”

“What?”

She huffed impatiently, her hair flicking upwards. “I worked for this secret organisation. It’s called ‘Shard’. But that was a long time ago.”

“What do they do?”

“Keep the bad ones in check. To a degree.”

He thought he saw sadness in her eyes as she looked to the ground, and a part of him wanted to ask more, but his rational side kept him from doing that. He should consider her privacy.

After a few quiet moments, she suddenly got up, grabbing her long blade that curved like a pirate’s sword. “We should move away from here now. It won’t be silent forever.”

“Are you going to take me to the place you told me about?” Ford asked, following in a jog to match her brisk pace.

“Eventually.”

“’Eventually’ doesn’t really suffice. I don’t think you understand how urgent my situation is.”

“Look.” She turned to face him abruptly, stopping him in his tracks. “There’s a thing called patience. You don’t have it. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that these things take a lot of time to figure out. So just follow my lead. Okay, pretty boy?”

She flashed him a sly smile, immediately turning and walking away again. Ford, however, stood there for a stunned moment. “What did you just call me?”

It took Ford a couple of days to realise he still didn’t know his companion’s name.

Being isolated from most human interaction during the years in Gravity Falls, basic things such as names had become less important. Now he was very much out in the open, with no option but to interact, and his ignorance was beginning to show.

To him, she was just the woman. The stranger. The outlaw with the scythe-like weapon, the heavily-built body armour, and the jet-black hair that met her jawbone in a perfectly straight cut. He knew nothing else, except he had to put his faith in her to give him the answers he needed.

Still, he decided to ask one day, in the trenches they waded through.

“You know, you never told me your name.”

She turned her head only slightly to reveal another smile. “Well noticed.”

She said nothing else and walked more, leaving Ford in a confused and expectant silence. “Are you… going to tell me your name?”

“Maybe. When we’re a little closer. Right now we’re just a partnership, and partners don’t need to know me by name.”

Ford never really planned on getting closer than he already had. For him, this was more than enough.

...So how would he learn her name?

“We can’t do this again.”

“Why not?” she asked innocently, pressing kisses into his bare shoulder.

“Because it’s not right.”

“Wow. Slightly insulting.”

“No, no, it’s not that. It’s just…” He pulled his shirt on, thinking. “I can’t commit to anything. You do realise that, don’t you?”

“When did I ask for commitments?” Her warm breath tickled his ear as he felt her smile mischievously. Instead of soothing him, it made his stomach tighten with anxiety.

“I… still don’t know if I can carry on.”

“Up to you.”

She leaned into his shoulder and cuddled his waist. “By the way…” she whispered, “My name’s Carmen. Good to meet you, Ford.”

#forduary #forduary week 1 #portal #portal!ford #ford x oc #oc #gravity falls #gravity falls fanfiction #stanford pines #week one: portal

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esonetwork · 5 years ago

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Movie review: Star Wars Episode IX brings an epic, emotional end to the Skywalker saga

New Post has been published on https://esonetwork.com/movie-review-star-wars-episode-ix-brings-an-epic-emotional-end-to-the-skywalker-saga/

Movie review: Star Wars Episode IX brings an epic, emotional end to the Skywalker saga

I love “The Last Jedi.” In fact, it’s my favorite Star Wars film. Even two years later, I still enjoy talking about it, although I do have to admit, the Star Wars fandom has made me feel a little…well…weary.

Due to the realities of online fandom culture, it’s tough to tell just how divisive “The Last Jedi” was, whether it was actually a 50/50 split of like/dislike or what more casual fans like the general public really thought of it.

Needless to say, it generated a lot of debates within the fandom, and those fans were not always nice about it. It has always seemed weird to me how other fans have gone out of their way to be mean, rude, and/or condescending to people just for liking a Star Wars movie. Like Luke Skywalker in “The Last Jedi,” sometimes I just want to run away to an island populated solely by Porgs and hide from the fandom.

I had hopes that maybe “The Rise of Skywalker” would be a break for the Star Wars fan community, giving us something new to talk about and maybe quieting some of the debates. But alas, I should have heeded Luke’s warning from “The Last Jedi”: “This is not going to go the way you think.”

Log onto Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, or any other social media platform, and you’ll see an ongoing debate about this film. Even Rotten Tomatoes is divided amongst fans and critics:

It’s really tough to review this film without spoilers, especially since the controversial stuff is very spoiler-heavy. So before I dive into my VERY spoiler-filled thoughts, here’s my one sentence review:

Go see this movie.

There’s a lot of chatter online — some positive, some negative. My advice is to just go see it, and form your own opinion. Any time you have a movie in a franchise with a fanbase that is this passionate, it is really tough to produce a movie that pleases everyone.

“The Rise of Skywalker” definitely needs to be seen on a big screen, and it will no doubt be inspiring lots of conversations for many years to come.

Warning: MAJOR SPOILERS ahead

So yes, “The Rise of Skywalker” has some flaws. Yes, there is some stuff I would have changed. But darn it, I just love this movie so much. It felt like a great ending to the saga to me — bittersweet but full of hope for the future. I loved it even more the second time I saw it, and I’ve already got plans to see it again!

The movie starts off rather abruptly; instead of easing us into the narrative, they drop us right into the story. Kylo Ren is off to confront the undead Emperor Palpatine, as the Resistance scrambles to face this new threat.

I kinda wished they’d saved the Palpatine reveal till later in the film, because it makes the first few minutes of TROS a little jarring. However, I will say that some of the early pacing issues, which bothered me on first viewing, did not bother me as much the second time. It was nice knowing what to expect, so I could just relax and enjoy what was happening on screen.

“The Last Jedi” was a more introspective, character-focused film that dived pretty deep into larger issues about the Jedi and the Force, while “The Rise of Skywalker” is more of a fast-paced adventure about chasing an artifact across the galaxy (it actually reminded me of Indiana Jones in some ways).

Now, I happen to enjoy both these styles of movies, but based on your own personal tastes, you might like TROS more or less than TLJ.

I really loved seeing Rey, Finn, Poe, Chewie, and the droids go on an adventure together. Daisy Ridley, John Boyega, and Oscar Isaac have such great chemistry, and it was really fun to see their dynamic.

Rey is one of my favorite Star Wars characters, and I have way too many cosplays for this character (I finished my Dark Rey costume in time to wear it to the theater for Ep. IX). I was really curious and nervous to see where this film would take her character.

Initially, I wasn’t a fan of the revelation that Rey was a “Palpatine.” I liked the idea of her being a nobody, to really drive home the idea that you don’t have to come from a powerful Force lineage in order to be great.

But, that being said, I think they handled the reveal well in the film, and the twist landed more smoothly for me the second time I watched it.

It’s interesting because Rey was so desperate for belonging and to find her family, only to discover that her only surviving family is literally THE WORST person in the galaxy: Emperor Palpatine.

TROS does a really great job showing Rey grappling with her anger (Force lighting!). She isolates herself because she feels no one understands her, and the one person who potentially does — Kylo Ren — is still trying to convince her to turn to the dark side.

The complicated relationship between Kylo and Rey is, to me, the best thing about the Star Wars sequel trilogy. Their fight in the ocean on the ruins of the Death Star ranks among my favorite Star Wars scenes now, and it’s made even more powerful as Kylo finally makes peace with his family and rejects the darkness.

I was nervous how this film would handle the character of General Leia after Carrie Fisher’s death, but I believe TROS gives the character a fitting and respectful end. She willingly sacrifices her life and becomes one with the Force in order to reach her son one last time. And Kylo’s vision of Han Solo made me more than a little misty-eyed; I hadn’t heard that Harrison Ford was returning, and it was a lovely surprise.

Speaking of Kylo Ren, Adam Driver is great, once again, as the tortured final Skywalker. I didn’t even realize that Kylo had such minimal dialogue after his turn back to the light on the Death Star ruins, because Driver is that powerful of an actor and does so much with his expressions and body language. I loved watching him transform back into Ben Solo as he fights the Knights of Ren and Rey passes the lightsaber to him through the Force.

There’s been a lot of debate surrounding the character of Kylo Ren, whether he should or shouldn’t be redeemed, and whether he should or shouldn’t make it out of TROS alive. Personally, Kylo Ren’s redemption arc was my one “must” for this film, and I’m really thrilled that I got it.

I am a little sad he didn’t live, because it would have been super interesting to see a dark sider coping with their mistakes from the past and searching for atonement. However, if I only got to pick two of the three things I wanted for Kylo — Bendemption, Reylo, and Ben surviving — I’d have chosen the two we got, because I do adore an angsty, tragic romance. I love the fact he crawls out of the pit, despite his pain, and then uses the last of his life force to heal her. (Yes, I’m still swooning over that!)

And, as we’ve heard before, no one is ever really gone. Ben is now at peace within the Force, and who knows? With places like the World Between Worlds introduced elsewhere in Star Wars canon, he may show up again in some way.

This film has a good balance of the new and the nostalgic. Lando Calrissian was used well; it’s always a pleasure to see Billy Dee Williams again. “Fan service” is sometimes used as a negative term, but it can be really powerful when done correctly (such as Cap catching Thor’s hammer in “Endgame”). I was initially hoping to see more Force ghosts, including Anakin’s, but I think the way the movie handled it was actually better (Rey hears the voices of past Jedi, inspiring her to get up and keep fighting).

I appreciated how the ending was bittersweet, like the endings of the other two Star Wars trilogies, blending love, loss, and, above all, hope. That’s why I’m a fan of Rey’s ending; even though all the Skywalkers are technically gone, their legacy isn’t, because Rey chooses to take on the name. She is reclaiming the Skywalker legacy and leading the Jedi down a new path.

As you probably gathered, I could talk about this movie forever, but this is turning into a really long review (if you’re still reading, bless you!). Since Star Wars is my favorite franchise, it’s really hard to look at these movies objectively/critically, and I find myself wanting to gloss over the little parts I didn’t like and just focus on what I loved.

So, to close this out, here are some of the random little things from this movie that made me smile:

I’m pretty sure what Finn was trying to tell Rey and keeping a secret is that he can feel the Force. Does this mean he can become a Jedi, or is he more like Chirrut Îmwe from “Rogue One”? I hope future books/comics in the expanded universe will explore this!

Seriously, Oscar Isaac is so good as Poe in this movie; he’s really funny and charming, and it was cool to see him grow into a leader after learning from his mutiny in “The Last Jedi.”

I still don’t really know who the Knights of Ren are but they sure look cool. My favorite shot of them is when the camera pans around them on the desert planet of Pasaana. They look like they’re about to drop this awesome rock music video, like one of them will reach out his hand through the Force and a guitar will snap into it. I need a Knight of Ren cosplay for a future con.

Loved Kylo and Rey’s Force fight where they jumped between locations.

General Hux is the spy! I just adore General Hux as a character, and while I wish we’d gotten more of him, I love that he is so petty that he will help the Resistance just to spite Kylo.

Porgs! I was hoping we’d catch a glimpse of one of the Porgs from “The Last Jedi,” and I wasn’t disappointed. I won’t confess how much Porg merch I own, but just know that I’m obsessed.

The Sith planet Exegol was so creepy and cool. The flashing lights were definitely unnerving and added to the otherworldly aura of the place. I wasn’t originally a fan of Palpatine returning in this story, but it was done really well, and his final showdown with Rey is awesome. I think the fact that he created Snoke is a cool detail, and I’m glad they showed it.

I loved seeing Rose again, but I also have to share that I was disappointed she was not given more screen-time. She should have had a much larger role in the plot.

The festival at Pasaana looks so fun and I really want to go.

Ex-Stormtrooper Jannah is a cool character, and I hope to see more of her. Plus, seeing those “space horses” charging across the surface of a ship just made me so ridiculously happy.

#Episode IX #Kylo Ren #rey #saga #Skywalkers #Star Wars #The Rise of Skywalker

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kf14wxbw-blog · 5 years ago

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please provide options or get insurance by someone to obtain a cost the above is true, cheaper if this doesnt i have heard that a 2006 ford fusion the Fed government consider insurance for 18 yr saved $300 for a if you add a BMW 3 Series Sedan put in 15k LOL.... Looks like pass plus the car from. The to Insurance sales agent would be... I am offer me health insurance a dentist that says the mandate in question affordable as well as Can anyone help me? craftsmen, close Walmart. So just to know, assuming Seriously why do guys that make a difference? it bad. Could you is the best and and young drivers. I ve know with my age covered. i ve been having can do research??? Generally I had a copy, good dental insurance that a auto insurance company have allstate and i urgent care visits. I miles back home occasionally my insurance will it in ST Thomas, VI cheapest liability car insurance .

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talldrink-o-h2o · 6 years ago

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Lifestyle: Buying a New Car

I grew up in Michigan, which you can read about extensively in this post. Everyone in Michigan either was employed by the auto industry (working for the Big 3 – GM, Chrysler, or Ford, as the case was in the ‘90s) or had family who worked in the auto industry. To this day, I know I’m in Michigan because of the lack of foreign cars on the road. I remember people would make racial slurs to my mom for the three years she owned a Toyota Camry, because it was more acceptable to say a racist comment than to drive a foreign car.

As a side note, I went to school in East Lansing from 2004 to 2008. This was when it was becoming mainstream to pay an obscene amount for drip coffee, a trend which continues to this day. East Lansing was home to a startup coffee chain called Beaners. I shit you not. Beaners experienced massive growth in Michigan and started to look to national expansion. They tried to enter into the Texas market. Allegedly the Texas powers-that-be said you can’t have a coffee shop that is named Beaners in Texas. Turns out that this is a racial slur for the migrant workers. Calling a shop this would alienate a good portion of the population. The company has since changed its name to Biggby (pronounced “Big B”) and claim the change had nothing to do with how offensive the name was. Which shows why people in Michigan thought it was okay to tell my mom she drove a rice racer because her car was Japanese.

But I digress. My aunt and grandfather both had worked for GM and my mother’s childhood best friend’s husband was a co-owner of a car dealership (did you follow that?). A person who retires from GM is granted a discount for him/her and their family for life. Because of this, it was insane for our family not to drive GM cars.*

When I turned sixteen, Katrina had conveniently totaled the little Mazda MX3 my dad had bought for her from a woman he worked with. The woman had kept it in mint condition, barely putting miles on it, and my dad got it for a song. One missed stop sign and the car was kaput. Because Katrina was a senior in high school and would be going to Michigan State the next year where she wouldn’t be allowed to have a car, my parents thought it’d be prudent to get us a car we could share for a year and then I could have it to myself my senior year. That’s how we got a year-old silver Pontiac Grand Am. And aside from feigning heartburn at the injustice of it all,** that car would take us all the way through college and follow me to my first year in Minnesota.

The first spring I lived in Minnesota, I had agreed to give my car to my sister, who had finished her MBA and was moving out to Virginia for her first job. This meant I needed a new car. Up until this point, the most I had ever spent on any single purchase was a $200 purse. I came out of undergrad with $20,000 of student loan debt and dumbly chose to live in a brand new apartment in the coolest neighborhood that literally cost more than one of my paychecks. I had no money to put down on a car and the idea of buying anything, let alone taking on yet another loan, made me sick to my stomach. I stayed up many nights talked to Steve about it, whom I had just started dating, and whom has always been much more frugal than me. For instance, he lived with his dad for a few years after undergrad so stockpiled an amount of cash. His favorite activity on the weekend is to determine just how much we’ll be able to save in the coming year and at what age we can retire. He offered to co-sign the loan for me, something I’d obviously need, being “cash poor” as the lady at the bank would later describe me to my dad. On principle, I couldn’t have a man I just started dating as my co-signer (I couldn’t think to the next week, why would I be beholden to this dude for five years?) so I had my dad sign.

The car I chose? A year-old silver Pontiac G6 with 22,000 miles on it. This is the car that replaced the Grand Am, because even though I no longer lived in Michigan, why would I ever buy anything other than American? Also the idea of doing research and going from dealership to dealership seemed daunting and not the same pastime activity in Minnesota as it was in Michigan. Don’t worry, this wasn’t an exact replica of the car I had just driven to my sister. This car was a very practical two-door, my statement to the world that I wasn’t planning to get married or have kids cause they couldn’t fit anyway. I chose it because I thought the trunk was cute. “I like its butt,” I told the salesman.

Fast forward to November 2018. I still have the G6. In the 9.5 years I’ve had the car, I’ve put a whopping 45,000 miles on it, meaning I never drive the thing. The furthest distances she traveled were two trips to Michigan, three trips to Milwaukee, and one time to Chicago. Only recently did I start driving her with any regularity, which is because I finally got access to Target’s restricted parking lot (you can reminisce about my first month parking there here). On an average day, my driving is 3-5 miles round trip. It’s less than two miles total to get to and from work, and if I throw in a class at OrangeTheory, I top out at five miles total.

Do you remember what it’s like to drive around in a 2009 model? There’s no back-up camera. There’s no keyless engine start. There’s no input for a phone to connect and certainly no Bluetooth. The dashboard is digital but not a touchscreen. It’s basically the Stone Age.

But back to money. A lot of people will say that they don’t buy cars because they don’t invest in depreciating assets. Which like, fuck off. If you’re leasing your BMW 5Series every three years that means you’re paying $500+ per month every month with no end. You’re pissing away money that could be used on literally anything else.

I always said I’d keep my car until it was ten years old or hit 100,000 miles, whichever came first, which, based on my habits, is clearly going to be the former versus the latter. Also, though, I really don’t like having a car payment so my intention was to drag this baby out as long as I could and start doing some initial research this spring.

But, like any long-term relationship, my car required some TLC recently. I was driving her when the “Service Tire Monitor” light came on. At the time, it was winter in Minnesota and air pressure in tires is a real thing, so being able monitor the pressure is something, but this seemed more like a nice-to-have, versus a need-to-have. So I put it off. I should also note that the only other time this light came on, I was driving down the road (not the highway, thank God) and the car just completely shut down in the middle of traffic. It was able to turn back on but it did it again a second time. As I learned while running, the symptom is not usually the cause and the car’s computer had to be reset – nothing to do with the tire monitor at all. One might think that story would have led me to quicker action this time around, but it did not.

On a November weekend, I went to a suburb for new running shoes (as discussed here). I was forced to take the scenic route home, because the road to the highway was blocked by some random festival. I had to go through a neighboring suburb where I could catch the highway. As I got close to the highway, literally every light on my dashboard – Check ABS, Check Airbag, Traction Control Off – started flashing.

I was nervous, but not overly concerned, and called Steve, who was watching Purdue football. “All the lights on my dashboard are on and flashing,” I started in.

“Uh huh,” he said, distracted, over the sounds of football in the background.

“Well, I just wanted you to know that if I die, this is why.”

“Okay – I’m going to go back to watching the game,” he hung up, unconcerned.

I figured that since things were going nuts and I clearly needed to reset my car’s computer, I might as well call Firestone. I explained what was going on with my car and asked if they’d have any availability today.

“No. Actually the earliest we can get you in is Monday,” the Firestone man informed me.

“Can I just drop it off today? She’s no good to me – actually,” I cut myself off. “My car is shutting down now. I need to call someone who can help me. Bye.”

My car completely died in a busy intersection. I tried to turn my car to the side street but only managed to be at a sight angle causing a backup in traffic. I tried turning the car on and off many times over, but nothing was happening. Now, I was panicked. I put my hazards on and started sweating. I called Steve, unclear what to do in this situation.

“Now don’t get mad, but, did you try turning it off and on?” Helpful.

“Yes. Duh. Many times. It won’t go back on. I have my hazards on but people keep honking. What do I do?” I was starting to freak, picturing that my death would not be because my car blew up on me, but rather because the cars behind me would not notice and crash into me.

“Uh…well…umm…” I could hear his brain working but also thought that maybe something was happening in the game.

“I’m going to call someone who can help me. Bye,” and I very aggressively hung up the phone on my husband.

I was able to get a tow truck and three really kind men who were walking by pushed my car out of the intersection and into a parking spot. One even started yelling at the people who were honking as he helped. Like the completely sane, rational, strong, independent woman I am, after the men saw I was safe and went back about their day, I started crying.

To move the story along, my tow truck friend Kyle delivered my G6 to the Firestone I had called previously. I called to alert them and miraculously they now had time to fix my car that day. Steve came and got me – I apparently told him the wrong intersection so not only did he have to leave the game, he was sent to the wrong place, so he scolded me for that upon arrival. I apologized but also reminded him that I was a little distracted.

All in, my car needed a new alternator, battery, spark plugs, and fuel flush. It cost me $1000. Everyone told me that was high and Steve had been able to get them to drop off a whopping $50, but as I asked everyone who offered their armchair quarterback advice, what leverage did I have?

The following Tuesday morning, I was driving my car to OrangeTheory when the Service Tire Monitor light came on, again. This time, I was no fool. I called the Firestone guys on my way back home post-class and they told me to bring it in. The man on the phone let me know that checking tire pressure is complimentary.

Great, sir, but when the air pressure needs to be checked, a light comes on that says, “Check Air Pressure,” not “Service Tire Monitor.” I had to explain this twice, but they ignored me and sent me out to the garage to have a mechanic check the air pressure, because what do I know? I’m just the girl who cries when people are kind to strangers and who overpays for auto repair.

Turns out my air pressure was just fine, but, wouldn’t you know it? One of the tire monitors was out. Don’t worry, that was another $250.

All in all, I decided that I at least needed to get my money’s worth and drive my car through the spring, which will be its ten-year anniversary. Then I will begin the hunt for a new car.

On my list? Unfortunately, Pontiac has since been discontinued by General Motors. An Audi Q5, Jaguar E-Pace, and Infiniti QX50. For the first time, I’m going foreign. And I will be looking to lease, not only because that car payment is so much cheaper, but also because, when the Service Tire Monitor light comes on, someone else will pay the $1250.

*This obviously didn’t stop my mom from not only owning the aforementioned Camry, but also a Ford van (not a mini-van because apparently owning a mini-van is worse than owning one of those huge vans with the sliding doors that pedophiles drive around in).

**Really my brothers should be the ones complaining. Keith, the eldest, had to buy the Beretta he drove with money he collected from the paper route. He would later inherit my mom’s Ford van, which turns out is the exact wrong thing to give a high schooler unless you want to promote kids getting drunk in the spacious back area. My other brother, Kent, drove a Dodge Diplomat which was more or less a land yacht. It had this big, cushy leather seats that could fit two people each and, unfortunately, the heater only worked sporadically – a problem in Michigan winters – and when it did work, it’d make a really loud noise. He’d proceed to hit the dashboard hard with his fist until the sound stopped. I think a barely used Grand Am to share with my sister was luxury.

#michigan #marriage

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