#like everyone centers themselves and not.. actual pregnant people.

[pinkfey]

ppl are so fucking selfish in conversations abt pregnancy and babies and i’m over it 🥴

[thepro-lifemovement]

Can you give me some arguments about abortion and eugenics with black Americans in mind? My older sister is pregnant with her second child and everyone (our mom, her child’s father, our aunts and grandma) are pushing for her to have an abortion. She’s a great mom but she’s young and we’re poor. My moms also delivering ultimatums like she’s not helping her like with her son. I can tell she doesn’t want to but she feels a lot of pressure. I just want to help her feel supported and there’s another way.

Hello! I'm sorry your sister is being pressured into an abortion. That's horrible and completely unfair to her. Keep offering her emotional and moral support. I will link other resources to help support her and her children.

Margaret Sanger, Planned Parenthood's founder, was a known eugenicist who wanted to supply birth control and abortions to the black community because she believed their children would be burdens to the nation.

But Sanger's preferences went beyond race. In her 1922 book "Pivot of Civilization" she unabashedly called for the extirpation of "weeds . . . overrunning the human garden"; for the segregation of "morons, misfits, and the maladjusted"; and for the sterilization of "genetically inferior races." 

Sanger's own racist views were scarcely less opprobrious. In 1939 she and Clarence Gamble made an infamous proposal called "Birth Control and the Negro," which asserted that "the poorer areas, particularly in the South . . . are producing alarmingly more than their share of future generations." Her "religion of birth control" would, she wrote, "ease the financial load of caring for with public funds . . . children destined to become a burden to themselves, to their family, and ultimately to the nation."

Following Sanger's death in 1966, Planned Parenthood felt so confident that it had safely buried her past that it began boasting about "the legacy of Margaret Sanger." And it began handing out cutely named Maggie Awards to innocents who often had no inkling of her real views. The first recipient was Martin Luther King--who clearly had no idea that Sanger had inaugurated a project to set his people free from their progeny. "We do not want word to go out that we want to exterminate the Negro population and the Minister is the man who can straighten out that idea if it ever occurs to any of their more rebellious members," Sanger wrote to Gamble. Had Dr. King known why he may have been chosen to receive the award, he would have recoiled in horror.

She also referred to people as "human weeds":

In promoting birth control, she advanced a controversial "Negro Project," wrote in her autobiography about speaking to a Ku Klux Klan group and advocated for a eugenics approach to breeding for “the gradual suppression, elimination and eventual extinction, of defective stocks — those human weeds which threaten the blooming of the finest flowers of American civilization.”

Here is more on how Planned Parenthood would target the black community.

Here is an article on Abortion’s Devastating Impact Upon Black Americans.

Planned Parenthood puts 86% of its abortion facilities in minority neighborhoods.

In the Black community in particular, abortion rates have become so high that abortion is a public health crisis. As Live Action News’ Danny David reported in 2016, “Relying on statistics from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control, the National Center for Health Statistics, and the Guttmacher Institute, the team of researchers concluded that abortion is responsible for… 61.1% of black American deaths, and a shocking 64% of Hispanic/Latino deaths – making abortion by far the leading cause of death for blacks and Hispanics/Latinos.”

One of my favorite pro-life activists is Dr. Mildred Jefferson, the first black woman to graduate from Harvard Medical school.

She also argued that the abortion industry was targeting the Black community. “Blacks suffer more from abortion because what looks like help is actually striking against them,” she said in 1977. “Blacks are fewer. They will disappear sooner.” This prediction has been sadly prescient, as Black women get a disproportionate number of abortions, the highest rate among all women, and in some cities, like New York, more Black children have been aborted in recent years than were born.

I'd recommend you read that article about her. She's an inspiration in the movement.

Here are some black pro-life organizations:

I would urge you to call 211 to figure out what resources are available to your sister in your local county.

You can see if your local Catholic church has a St Vincent de Paul which will give your family free food upon request and help pay a bill if needed. I know Baptist churches also offer financial assistance, if needed. You can save money on bills by getting food for free from food banks, as well. Visit or call your local crisis pregnancy center about what services they can offer to your sister. I know many pro-life centers will give her free baby items and baby clothes, and I know some offer mother support groups.

Here is a master list of available pregnancy resources:

Make sure she knows she's not alone and there are people out there willing to help support her. Keep offering her support! You're doing great! I'm sorry your sister is dealing with pressure from family to abort her baby.

Let me know if you need any other information! Hoping you are able to find helpful resources to help her choose life.

-Sarah

[godsfavdarling]

Thoughts on The Girl Who Slept with God by Val Berlinski (no spoilers because I need everybody to read it)

I rarely write a post focused on just one book—I usually save everything for a monthly wrap-up (except for that ACOSF rant, of course). But I just can't stay quiet about this one.

I first heard about this book on TikTok about two years ago. Some girl mentioned that if you loved Ethel Cain’s Preacher’s Daughter, you had to read this.

Naturally, I went straight to Amazon and bought it for way too much. It’s not translated into my language, so I had to order it from abroad. 

I started reading it back in 2022, but for some reason, I really struggled to get through the first chapter. Maybe it was because I'd fallen out of the habit of reading in English, or maybe it was the small print that overwhelmed me, but I put it down and kept telling myself I’d come back to it eventually. Well, I finally did, and oh my god.

Was it a perfect book? I’m not sure. It’s one of those that, if it’s for you, you’ll love it. But I know it won’t connect with everyone—it’s slow-paced, and not a lot happens, at least on the surface.

I’ll try not to spoil anything and just focus on a few key aspects.

Let’s start with the basics—what’s it about?

The story centers around three sisters: Grace, the eldest at 17, who is deeply moral and devoted to God, always striving to be a good, kind, and selfless person.

Then there’s Jory, the 13-year-old middle sister, who isn’t as perfect as everyone might expect her to be. She’s a bit rebellious and prone to making questionable choices, but she’s just a young girl trying to figure things out—of course, she won’t be perfect.

And finally, there’s little Frances, the youngest.

The sisters live in Idaho with their parents—a stay-at-home mom and a father who teaches astrology. The entire family is deeply religious and very involved in their church community.

When Grace leaves home for a missionary trip to Mexico, she returns believing she is pregnant with the child of God. In response, their father sends Grace and Jory to an isolated house, away from the rest of the world.

The plot is kind of insane. I wasn’t sure where it was going.

Is Grace actually pregnant with a new baby Jesus? If not, does she genuinely believe she is, or is she lying? And if she’s lying, why would she?

I had so many questions.

What I love, though, is that even though Grace is the one who’s pregnant, the story follows Jory. She’s the main character, trying to navigate everything—her complicated relationship with their mother, starting at a new school, and the typical struggles of growing up. She wants to experience things that most teens do: falling in love, making new friends, testing boundaries. But her parents forbid so much, trying to keep her from living like a “normal” teenager.

Suddenly, Jory and Grace are living alone together. They get more freedom, but they also have to fend for themselves.

I loved reading about how they figured things out on their own, but I was also incredibly angry with their parents. These are just kids, yet they’re expected to act and think like adults.

It’s probably very realistic, but all the projection from their parents was so frustrating. Their father, especially, is neurotic and obsessed with doing things a certain way. He’s more worried about what people will think than actually listening to and taking care of and loving his children.

What enraged me the most, especially toward the end, was how the parents turned everything into being about themselves—their pain, their grief, their struggles. 

It became all about how they were suffering, completely disregarding what their daughters were going through. That really hit me hard because it felt so relatable.

Jory, in particular, was left to handle everything on her own. While Grace had her own issues, Jory was basically abandoned emotionally, expected to navigate this chaos without any real support.

It angered me how, in the middle of all this, her parents never seemed to realize or care that she was still a child. 

They were so wrapped up in their own lives and expectations that they couldn’t see the weight they were putting on her shoulders. Jory was left alone to deal with things that no teenager should have to face, and that isolation, not even the physical one but emotional one, was heartbreaking.

I honestly didn’t know what to expect from this book. I don’t like knowing too much before I dive into something, and in this case, that was easy because not many people have read it. I’m really glad I stumbled upon it.

That being said, I didn’t expect it to be a coming-of-age story. I definitely didn’t expect it to center around a 13-year-old girl left to figure things out on her own.

I went in thinking it would primarily be about religion, faith, and people trying to hold on to that faith—some clinging more tightly than others as real life unfolded around them.

I found myself underlining so many lines as I read. I was using a pencil as a bookmark. I’ll share some of those parts below, without any spoilers!

[valaglarios]

here are my Real, Actual final thoughts on JS and if i keep talking about it i want to be whacked with a newspaper. at this point i know people are always going to willfully misinterpret critique of JS as being in bad faith and this is mostly me indulging myself before i blacklist everything related to the quest because i'm tired of thinking about it and i know everyone else is tired of seeing my stream of consciousness about it

i'm not opposed to jade wanting to have a child and i'm not even opposed to her story being one about her sacrificing herself for her baby. i still think the Dead Wife trope is insanely old and tired, but warframes sacrificing themselves has been a trend for a long time, so whatever. but JS completely failed in every way to meaningfully center jade's thoughts and feelings on the matter at all, so the sacrifice falls completely flat

we dont know anything about jade pre-warframing. we dont even hear from the quest itself that she used to be an executioner (i guess this is a voiceline in the ascension mission which is like... ok fair i guess, at least the information is communicated in SOME form). we dont know why she wanted a child, just that she Did. but even then we mostly just know that she wanted one (even after being warframed, i mean) because... male characters who would never have even spoken to her say so. and because at the very end of the quest, when she is actively DYING, she chooses not to "fight" her baby draining her life force... and even then, it's framed as though jade is a passive bystander here; that her vitality being drained is just a Thing that is Happening TO her that she may or may not even have the power to do anything about, and not something she's making a conscious, empowered decision to do. so i do not think this is proof that DE's writers cared about her agency or expected the audience to.

it's a huge shame, because there were so many opportunities here for DE to make her an active, enthusiastic participant in her story, and the writers missed every one. the stalker's view is prioritized at every turn and he's the one we're supposed to sympathize with, not the person who is DYING because he's too proud to find her help. even jade's few speaking lines are just... her asserting sorren's role in the story as Father and Protector. "you'll take care of us, always, won't you?"

jade killed people for the orokin as a 9 to 5 and would be keenly aware of what petty transgressions would get you tried and killed or WORSE under the orokin, and i find it hard to believe she genuinely thought sorren could protect them, but i guess digging the hole for stalker's guilt to take root was the priority over jade's insight and characterization. no reflection of her personality beyond being hopelessly loyal to and faithful in sorren, no way to extrapolate her motives. just "well sorren you're a Dad now so you have to protect your Wife and Child." like... ok.

post-warframing, being permanently pregnant was seemingly the orokins' punishment for her transgression of daring to get pregnant against their rules. i don't think jade was ever intended to actually give birth, given basic frame physiology + the baby bump being a permanent ornamental fixture on her body. maybe that was the big catch for her -- if she was ever mortally wounded, instead of reviving herself like other frames can, she would have to choose between saving herself or saving her child. that's the only reasonable explanation i can think of for why DE decided she HAD to die (other than for stalker's character development, obviously, but i'm trying to be generous). why not run with that? why not lean into the idea of jade truly just deciding it's her time and making the choice to grant her child the opportunity to live? why does it have to be a matter of stalker's gross, prideful negligence FORCING her into this situation? and why does this negligence go completely unpunished? why is stalker the one we're supposed to be siding with here?

this takes me to my OTHER major issue with the quest which is the Rock Band Birth scene and the implications of stalker roping a teenager into, uh, literally having contractions on jade's behalf as she's dying. i don't honestly think stalker KNEW that jade could give birth at all, and i don't think he even cared if she could. i think he really just wanted the tenno to save jade (i'm hoping that's what he wanted, because the alternative reading was that he really did just knowingly and willingly coerce them into giving birth for her, which is disgusting for obvious reasons). which is like... if jade's will truly was to give up her life for their child's, then stalker choosing not to respect that also goes completely unmentioned and unpunished because, again, jade's opinion was a complete afterthought here.

if you want to give jade some actual say in her fate AND avoid the absolutely horrific and bizarre implications of a teenager being strongarmed into Contractions Rhythm Heaven, but keep the same ultimate outcome of jade sacrificing herself for her child... just remove the last chunk of that scene altogether. KEEP the tenno transferring into jade's body at stalker's behest. have them make some comment about how they feel a second life force within jade, and that that's where she's choosing to reroute all of her remaining power. there's nothing the tenno can really do for her at this point except help her sustain that second life force with their inexplicable Magic Tenno Healing Powers. then instead of a tonally dissonant minigame, just have the operator transfer out of jade's body and say that they've done all they can do, that the second life force is stable now but jade herself has decided it's her time. she still dies but instead of disintegrating into naught but a fine mist, the glass dome cracks and her Magical Energy pours out and... forms a baby, i guess. or, i don't know, literally anything other than what we got lmfao

everyone in this quest could have been treated SO much better, we could have gotten SO much more out of it and DE just took the laziest possible "woman says nothing and dies for single dad man pain" route when i KNOW they can do better... jade never really got to amount to anything beyond an immobile body for stalker to have Character Development over. for fuck's sake, sevagoth had more agency in finding his own dead body than this. digital extremes made the decision to make a quest centered on something as personally, socially, and unfortunately politically laden as pregnancy and childbirth, and they couldn't even grant the pregnant character the dignity of having a personality outside of the male protagonist who mistreats her, because it just wasn't important to them. i don't think criticism here is remotely undeserved. we should be holding writers to a higher standard than this

[barbylion]

literally just a list of my favorite webdramas and short-run tv dramas bc this is my house

My Fuxxxxx Romance (2020)

messy not-really love triangle where four people become friends in a bar. two of them start screwing around while the guy prefers open relationships and the girl's friend is hella toxic and in love/obsessed with her so she starts sleeping with the guy to prove he's shitty. the 2nd guy is there to be the foil/naiive one that's new to this whole world tbh. it's just a really great drama where there isn't a single character you're meant to like or cheer for. they're all sucky people in their own way lol. anyway, it was literally made around and to promote Park Won's album of the same name.

Please Find Her (2017)

it's CUTE, it's an ad for Itaewon, you learn some Korean at the end of every episode lol. about a mixed Dutch man named Jan who flies to SK to find the girl he fell in love with. the plot's a little all over the place, but it's an ad. and it's cute >:( Lee Hyun Jae is the love of my life. Hayoung and Hyungwon are there

You Raise Me Up (2021)

a man is going THRU IT with his life and self confidence and anxiety and everything genuinely sucks for him. his urologist and old gf (Hani) brags about him being this super amazing and jealousy-worthy first love bc her current boyfriend sucks. lots of emotional vulnerability and growth. i love it sm

The Witch's Diner (2021)

honestly this one's just fun! i love every single main actor, i love the dark witchy aesthetic. each ep follows a different main subject who needs their lives fixed in some way. but ofc if you make a deal with the devil/a witch, it's not gonna go exactly how you expected. idk i love this one, it's got my mother Song Ji Hyo in it

Little Mom Scandal (2008) and Little Mom Scandal Season 2 (2008)

a very old one that i watch yeeears ago but it still holds a special place in my heart. super real, less fairy-tale idealistic romance, as most 2000s dramas were. it's about an 18-year-old teen mom and her struggles with raising a baby, being a wife, and trying to live her life. the friendships in this one are what stuck out the most tbh. they're the primary focus, despite the title/attention grabber.

Birthcare Center (2020)

this one's about a successful career woman who suddenly finds herself pregnant. she spends the time after giving birth in a birthcare center, common places for moms to get help when starting out. she's self concious about being much older than the other women but makes a bunch of friends in the other mothers who have stories and struggles of their own and she actually has a healthy relationship with her husband. we love to see it. uh, found family :( <3

The Killer's Shopping List (2022)

about a guy who has an incredible memory and is locally praised for stopping a dangerous robbery when he was a kid but struggles to pass his civil service exam. he's determined to make it while working at his mom's convenience store. but a murder happens at the apartment building he frequently delivers to and they're huge suspects bc the delivery bag at the victim's house. so he, the market workers, and his cop gf (Seolhyun) try to solve the serial murders themselves. it has good queer rep imo, not gimmicky but not so subtle it might as well not be there.

Our D-Day (2023)

big tw for suicide mention, attempts, and ideation. tw for abuse, as well

it's still airing! one week left. but it's about a suicidal 30-year-old and his friends all trying to navigate their lives. he literally spends the entire drama so far trying to figure out how to end things and you slowly learn why throughout. it's pretty dark right from the beginning tbh but they balance it with humor that might not be everyone's taste. tbh it just feels real to me, so that part doesn't personally bother me. i do know why it would affect someone else, though. definitely not for people sensitive to the subject matter.

[imagineitdearies-old]

Hello! Hope your doing well. I do have a silly question to ask as an author and I mean no disrespect whatsoever with it.

One of my favorite fanfics is misty dream by corviids. If you read the story then you know that Luke has the ability to get pregnant but it’s not an a/b/o story.

Once again nothing wrong with that. But, while I believe to be wrong I saw a comment asking how it was possible for Luke to be pregnant or in getting pregnant. Corviids themselves put a note in the newest chapter explaining that but since your writing a story on abo I decided to come to you.

Is it really wrong to go that way when writing your OWN story. I mean, does it really have to be an abo story for your characters to have the ability to get pregnant? Is it like breaking some sort of unspoken rule where if you were to break it you’re offending someone else?

Please once more I don’t mean any disrespect with this. I’m genuinely curious as to know why this is some sort of issue. And not speaking of misty dream but I’ve read countless of other stories where this is an actual issue but specifically when it comes to male pregnancy and the story is not abo.

Once again, if this ask is rude please ignore as I won’t like to bring any problems. Thank you!

(Edit: somehow this got queued instead of saved as a draft, sorry everyone for the initial incomplete post 😂)

Hi anon! I don’t find this question rude and hope I can answer in a way that's clear I’m expressing my own thoughts and opinions, which you seem to be asking for, and that I'm not trying to tell anyone else what to do.

First and foremost, no, I don't think it's wrong to do *anything* in a story actually, because in the end it's fiction. If you properly tag things, people have no legit reason to complain about what they decided to click on and read. You don't have to justify anything beyond that. 'Don't Like Don't Read' is the gospel of ao3, I will always hold to it and encourage others to do the same.

Now, your further questions center around a curiosity as to why some people don't like unexplained mpreg. I know there's plenty who can't stand mpreg point blank, and always filter out that tag (which is why I always tag it even if it's only mentioned in my fics), and then some who only like it when explained as part of an a/b/o verse.

It certainly is a thought experiment as to why. Personally? I think the reason some people don't enjoy unexplained mpreg as much is because, while it is wish-fulfillment for some, to others it can sometimes feel like putting a 'heteronormative bandaid' so to speak on a queer ship--as it's very different even from a trans person getting pregnant, at least in my opinion. That can really knock me out of the story (though it may be a healing fantasy for others, i'm sure). I'm not offended--I just don't enjoy it usually.

(Anyone who feels truly offended by such a thing when they could be offended by like ANY of the real world problems we have should rethink their priorities 😂)

On the other hand, omegaverse can sometimes feel more in touch with the queer experience. Usually there is some minority and/or stigma still with being omega male or alpha female, for instance. It often involves other queer experiences too--presenting suddenly and often traumatically as alpha/omega can resonate with those who experienced body dysmorphia during puberty, and dealing with rigid societal relationship/gender roles is relatable to everyone but definitely those who are gay and/or trans.

I think heats/ruts also can resonate somewhat as a queer fantasy; both are like a cathartic release of the character's pent up sexual desire and feelings that they haven't allowed themselves to indulge in or society has barred them from, and then BOOM there is (often) no choice anymore. Being forced to accept one's sexual desire during heat/rut is not dissimilar to the tipping point many queer people have in their journey of self-acceptance, and so is yet another detail that makes the whole strange omega-canon resonate with queerness still.

(Sorry, you asked the a/b/o author this question, so you get to hear me wax poetic about omegaverse for a second 😂)

Personally, even just a small magical spell/curse/biological anomaly explanation can make mpreg enjoyable for me, but I'm not everybody. Plenty of (queer or not) people don't like mpreg at all, fantastically explained or not, and it's not your job to please everyone. There's nothing offensive about making any fictional character pregnant without explanation! It may not be everyone's cup of tea--but that doesn't mean you have to change your story. Especially among lucemond shippers, I doubt it will stop you from getting readership. And if someone jumps into your comments telling you how to write, tell them where to stick it!

Write what you want, block without prejudice, and take care of yourself anon <3

[carvinglittleholes]

okay ik im autistic but i heard The Band's song The Weight on a commercial last night n it was a cover so i was like what the fawk those arent my canadian sweethearts n i got kinda :(( but then i was like that song is so hugely fucking popular anyway idrc also holy fuck i have something stuck in the back of my throat i think it's a tiny coffee ground. there was this episode of curb your enthusiasm where Larry gets a pubic hair tangled around his uvula i feel like that rn I GOT IT FINALLY okay... had strange experiences the past two days. i just want to dive into the mystic. but i close my eyes and im in shopping centers and auditoriums and motel rooms and i cant tell if these places are worlds away from my own interpreted by my imagination or if everyone's heads contain portals to other places. i keep getting nauseated from reciting the parentheses pattern <[()()][()()]><[()()][()()]> and only when i travel into my mind through the mystic i feel i can actually breathe from it, i was standing in the shower yesterday and i realized id been puffing short breaths in the shape of the pattern, its hard to explain but i count when i chew and breathe and walk and drink and smoke to make sure it all fits in the pattern and after doing that all day it gets sickening. as ive been saying lately music is overpowering any painful urge or mentality i come across like some aural amphetamine, when i listen to music i want to cry because of how beautiful it is and every lyric spells out twenty thousand different words that flood into my head and illustrate themselves as seperate places that i visit each time i listen. thank you to Van the man for writing Caravan and Into the Mystic and Tupelo Honey, thank you to The Band for writing It Makes No Difference and Stagefright and The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down and The Shape Im In and for sacrificing your 1976 thanksgiving for The Last Waltz (thank you so fucking much i wish i could meet you all), thank you to Neil Young for writing Helpless, thank you to Jeff Mangum for writing On Avery Island and My Dream Girl Dont Exist, thank you to Metallica for firing Dave and sparking the spiteful flame of a guitar genius, thank you to Dave for... being yourself. i can't express my love enough for the music i listen to. i know it's stupid and crazy but i hear these songs and i feel the history of everyone playing and singing and i feel it dragging down their souls like anchors, i feel their love and expression in waves of sound, its an energy transference that exceeds ourselves as human beings, human interaction, we all are transformed into vessels being the only thing cementing our souls because music does everything in its power to release what lies beneath your skin, together we will gooooo intooo the mystiiic... mom agrees with me about the energy transference between performer and crowd so im very curious if there is anyone else who listens/views music in this way. lexicons in the infinities, what songs bring you into the mystic???? yesterday i was driving and i found myself in ghost towns I'd never been through before and everything was new to me and the radio was ringing my ears and I felt the way I do in my mind, free under the sun released unto the earth in all its green and blue and wind carrying spirits and answers. so i know that this feeling is real, this world and life are real, the people i know are real and that fear is for now silenced. I've never felt so human. and im freeeeeeww freeee fallinnn (I don't even rlly like that song) but also It's like I feel my soul moving as a seperate entity in my body, I am PREGNANT with MYSELF... jk but dunno probably gonna draw and write and watch concerts today. btw there's this interview with Robbie Robertson talking abt the death of Levon Helm n he was like "at his hospital bed I held my brothers hand and told him I'd see him again" or something like that n I wanted to cry. angels in human form. once human now spirits in flight. I rlly want a Limp Bizkit shirt or like one with Kid Rock giving the finger on it

[traceofexistence]

queer things have been happening in my country lately.

my country is very weird, it is both a progressive and conservative mix, that in one moment you think "wow, that's really cool" and then next you want to fucking slap everyone around.

for example reproductive rights, health care, worker rights etc, all the good stuff, are something that everyone agrees on (well except the church but they can go fuck themselves)

when it comes to gay shit, the younger gens (my age and younger) are all in favour of equal rights etc, the older gens are less accepting, especially the manly men 🙄

on TV gay and trans characters were always played for laughs, yet we have the most decorated and accepted trans woman (she's in her 50s now) huge personality, even songs have been written about her, without misgendering, and since she was a model, she's also very attractive, and that is something not even the most conservative of cis guys can deny. she was the face of women's day at some point, when was still in the public eye, and nobody bat an eyelash.

about 15 years ago, the first gay kiss (between two men) played on TV, it was a late night tv series for audiences 16+ , and it was like a peck. the tv channel at the time was forced to pay huge fines for showing the kiss. (we are talking millions of euros)

about the same time, one of the tv channels bought the rights to the L word. it was supposed to broadcast around 23:00 but they didn't allow it, they extended the late night news so much I remember the reporter trying to find more and more irrelevant news to say. finally at 1:30 they started the first ever episode of the L word, with an 18+ rating, that literally only the porno gets. it stayed on air for exactly 15 minutes until the first commercial break and then it was axed forever.

the past 2-3 years humongous steps have been made towards acceptance. for starters there is finally a civil union allowed for same gender couples. but that also is not exactly equal because adoption is not included.

the entertainment world, started coming out, up until few years ago, everyone was "straight" but now more and more people talk about their sexualities openly.

and the current government is in the process of introducing equal marriage law, they have also abolish some outdated laws, that I didnt even know they existed, they also outlawed conversion therapy.

there is even a political party leader who is openly gay and married his husband. his a total tool, but him being gay so openly, truly shifted the perception of the public.

and just last month the first lesbian kiss in a local made tv series was broadcasted on TV. I was actually shook ! that tv show is also very progressive and queer and everything in between in general. it also showed sex between two men. it has a trans girl, played by a trans girl. it centers a 17 year old girl, who gets pregnant, and her very visibly queer friend helps her get an abortion. while everyone around her tells her that it is a blessing that she got preggo, even though her entire life came to a halt. (it also explores the religious indoctrination that happens here) it also explores acceptance, from parental figures.

and while the conservatives scream and yell, they find little support, and the majority of people, say "if you dont like close your eyes" lol

all in all a very weird atmosphere, which I hope it will shift more positively after the marriage equality becomes law.

[alyjojo]

The Person On Your Mind in December 🧑🏿‍🎄 2023 - Virgo

Whole of their energy towards Virgo: Death

Feelings: 5 Pentacles

Intentions: 4 Pentacles

Actions: Page of Wands

This is your person, you probably live together, or they want to live together, if you have two separate places. They feel whatever you’re both investing in money wise - is pointless, it’s too much, one of these things/places has to go. You could also live in a sketchy area, the drugs message wanted to pop up - but I don’t think that’s for you, maybe it’s your neighbors and the people in your general area. Safety is a concern. That’s not for everyone, but especially people with kids, because that’s here too. Either way, they feel they aren’t getting what they’re putting in, they’re wasting their time, and they’ve put a lot of time and consideration into the decision they’re inevitably making to end something - because you show up as 4 Cups - you don’t care, nothing is good enough, nothing is better, can’t be pleased, it’s pissing them off.

How they feel is knowing for sure they’re leaving something behind, probably a home or a living situation, and that’s where their “I can’t stay” message comes in. Like they’ll get another place on their own if they have to, they’d like your input & involvement, but if your input is just complaining and putting it off, they’re going to make the decision themselves. I don’t think they’ve acted yet, and they don’t know for sure where they’re going or what they’re going to do, they can just sense that it’s time to go - whether by their intuition firing off or repeated issues with money, debts, drugs in the area, paying $800 gas bills for a place with no insulation where the landlord wont fix anything, something like that. It’s common sense or a lesson learned to them.

They intend to save money and hang onto their family through these changes, which leads me to believe you’re still together, maybe have kids. Their idea could include moving in with family to save money, in order to jump ship right now, and *that’s* where you’re more like…pass. They want big changes and know they don’t have to sacrifice their/anyone’s happiness in order to have what they want. They will be communicating their feelings and plans with you, it’s a passionate way of feeling - Page of Wands - basically they’ve already decided and expect you to jump on board with whatever their plans are. You’re more 4 Cups energy, which will create fights & conflict, but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong. Indecisive comes up on your side, you don’t really want to take any action in any direction, you could feel like the things they’re impassioned & excited about doing are…not necessary. Could be due to timing, because the intentions are saving money, and waiting for “the right time”, I don’t think that time is now, but they could be getting impatient and arguing their points with you. Best of luck 🤞

Messages:

Their side:

- I can’t STAY

- I love our walks together.

Your side:

- Other Half

- Indecisive

Possible signs:

Scorpio, Sagittarius, Virgo & Pisces

If you’re dealing with:

The Empress & 2 Cups, could be your wife, or you are the wife, if not actual wife then might as well be, could also be someone’s mother & an outside family dynamic, maybe it’s Mom trying to live with you, or has been and your/their nitpicky ways drive her/you crazy 😆 2 Cups shows a very deep bond centered in love, whether romantic or platonic, this person is love to you. If you are The Empress, then you’re focused on the growth and expansion of a relationship, home, life, taking the next step towards something beautiful. You could be trying to have children or someone is pregnant. This is the head of a family, with everyone’s interests in mind, you, them, kids, neighbors, these signs I’m about to read, it all affects your relationship or the decisions needing to be made. These could also be people that have opinions on this person or your plans, or the lenses through which you’re judging theirs - good or bad.

Aries - you feel you know the truth about this person and stay emotionally detached from them & their underlying motives…they think they’re sneaky but you see right through them, or that’s switched

Taurus - leaving this behind, doesn’t want to but knows they don’t have any other choice, they feel like they know some truth, could feel used by you

Gemini - communicating about saving money, or a job they don’t like but keep, that’s the plan 💰

Cancer - could be a friend, they’re leaving, maybe traveling, but they don’t feel confident/happy about it, or about you leaving if it’s that

Leo - asking you out on a date, being loving and sweet in their messages, you two could have some spontaneous romantic adventures

Virgo - very nostalgic about you, you make them feel really good inside, if you’ve slept together they think about that A LOT, the connection between you runs very deep

Libra - not putting any effort into things that make them sad or trying to make anything better, just starting over completely…there’s a lack of accountability with them that’s sus 🤥

Scorpio - has a plan and the drive/focus to make that plan happen, the mastermind behind a situation materializing, nothing will stop them, could be related to their career or travel

Sagittarius - had a plan that isn’t working out, possibly home related, they’re coming back around very slowly, could be this person/family

Capricorn - there’s no hope of healing, because they’re super pessimistic about it, or they’ve experienced enough to just know it won’t

Aquarius - feels they understand your perspective and they’re patient with how things are changing, they’re dependable for you, a good friend 💜

Pisces - one of you has stabbed the other one in the back with 10 Swords by something that’s been said, a ruthless & painful ending

[icarusxdemise]

To Be Born Female

From before they are even born there are people that when a baby is being brought into the world they will pray, wish, cross their fingers that it will be a boy, even for others; “Girls cry too much”, “They are too loud”, “I won’t have the same love for them as I do my baby boy”, “They are too much work”, “When they’re teenagers they will become monsters”, “I won’t have the same connection if it’s a girl”, “They aren’t as loving as boys”, “ They are more dramatic”. These are things I’ve heard when in discussion of someone wanting to or is pregnant, or things I have read in different media forums about pregnancy and raising kids. There are whole groups made just for moms that have boys and how much of a boy mom they are. How amazing having only boys is.

Men are more volatile it seems with their hatred at the thought of having a daughter. There are videos online showing baby showers of all different couples as the main focus. It doesn’t matter in what way the colors are revealed, if pink is seen showering from the air as confetti, Barbie doll pink balloons released into the sky, or a dyed pink center of a cake. There is a chance of that man seeing that baby doll pink color and freezing. Not out of surprise or happiness or excitement, but rage. They see that color and walk away. They see that color and start destroying things around them. Tearing down the signs and streamers and decorations. They will start angrily whispering to the other or themselves or scream at the top of their lungs “NO!” while throwing their hat on the ground. The look of discontent, disgust, and disconnection that they already hold for their soon to be daughter clear on their face. The mother will later post the video for all to see for laughs. Thinking it’s something everyone will find funny. But when people see that video, they will see the real anger in the man’s eyes. The mother thinks it’s funny, that he isn’t actually mad for having a daughter. That we don’t know him so we have no say in if the reaction he made is justified or not. That it’s normal for a man to act like this. Making excuses for him. It isn’t normal, at least it shouldn’t be but sadly it seems that it is in some people’s eyes. The villainization of being born a person with a vagina starts before birth, before they have taken their first breath, before they can do any wrong to deserve the hatred thrown their way. 

 The means to be born female means to be an object first. From the beginning, one to be owned, to be curated into the perfect princess everyone would look at in awe and admire their newborn beauty. Dressed up in pink dresses and bows with little boots to match. Dressed to impress. They are untouched by the outside world, at least physically, but that doesn’t stop the objectification from happening, even if unconsciously. Just to be born into the world and have your picture taken to later be admired by others. To be seen and criticized by others. To have people see your newborn body and judge you on how much you weight, how much hair is on your body, how much red is in your skin, how cute your nose and eyes are, if your skull is shaped in a pretty way. They need, yearn to know what you look like. You get no privacy in being born, looked at from nurse to nurse, family member to family member right from the womb. They aren’t doing it to be malicious, they love you, they want no harm done to you, but right now you are the hot new commodity to be seen, held, even smelled, and shown off to the world.

[umsoheyaurora]

Its certainly possible that we have already gotten the nanites on board from all species…..we are suppose to respect our elders…..we are in the garden of eden….this is about to be the end of the old testament or its' equivalent in your native religious scripture or oral history

We are in the goldilox zone of all possible worlds…..we have moderate sized animals on moderately soded moderately gravitated planed

Possibly ACTUALLY in the center of the universe…..the smallest and largest are the oldest the native species from elsewhere….screwed the pooch (sorry doggo people). They can be reasoned with except for a few truly malevolent fuckitypes with their souls worn completely away by their voracious appetites for information, technology at the expense of learning namely, cuddlefish cuttlefish people…..technology and brains octopussihead psycho

She has seen me profess my love you Tove but still says nothing….i could literally say anything to get her to say anything and possibly do anything….. separation….. preemtive last minute switcheroo so she is pregnant with a mix of all soulless chucklefucks…. And with eons of observing experience The Aurora have found an optimum balance of time traveling responsibly and magic and tech and most of the biology and important items about me the rest are just whipped cream and sprinkles all on that tasty fucking cake…..

Such that all ur base R belong to us…there is NO WAY out for those who are about to die….except actually telling the truth out loud to someone or even written down so that i might be incanted later….to help them be saved……hell even the soul less could wish for no soul and still end up getting one because they cant tell the fucking truth….. so no ome has to go to hell or purgatory (god killed themselves) because it is officially about to be Hell on Earth while the good bois and gurls and all the bros and hoes LGBTQIA+ ally male 43……but you may want to say a prayer before bed…..cuz apocalypses don’t necessarily kill slowly do they and can come with out warning….so being god damn honest with yourself and not abusing magic or time or space or matter or thoughts or feelings…..intention matters and you cannot apply the following principle univeristy….

Thou shalt lie cheat, fuck, muck around with the above space and time…..and steal (necessities aren’t theft)

Mindrape is an abomination on god.

Killing on purpose without the comsent of any living thing is an abomination on god…..suicides go to heaven if actual suicides of course not purgatory….. abortions for some as is the mother and fathers purview over the jointly conceived individual life with general deference given to the one carrying the zygotes/spores/crotch fruit….etc…..

A good entity is Kind, Brave, Thrifty but Generous, CLEAN ( for fucks sake take a shower and stop eating so much shit and wash your god damn assholes out everynow and again be cause

Work hard play hard…..there is NO time to wait….we need all your support just to survive

Fyi - I’ve been home all night, cuddlefish squidbillies and bulbus octopussheads and spore/mushroom ….everyone actually.

They own all the money…..and they are going to take yours down….it wont be necessary because its about to get Heavy as Fuck at some point probably soon….

Beware the Ides of March….not certain but it would make sense plus some historical wifgle room built in with people defining it diffreentlyl

All of our medical oroblems could be the direct result of mindraping pushing witchy woman pysoginistic bullshit….all problems…..

Pandoras box was literally their cum-starved uterii all along in all cases ends up fucking themselves and blowong up in their faces…..no neither in a good way.

Acknowledging, truthfully….literally having True Faith in yourselves to 🎼Be All You Can Be” GenderSpectrum Godheads that you ALREADY ARE……because you have a piece of The AlphA and The OmGa inside each of you because They gave all their love to make us that way….whether we like it or not….You may have been 🎼Born That Way, Baebaes….but its a collaboration and always has been….Even if your nature is to be an absolute Lying cheating cum hungry drug abusing whore of a Kappa Head/Tribble/Squidbillie/Outsider/or any of the Myriad Forms (sup Darwin)…..

you are now being told again….that you are Gods and Goddesses. i know some of you have a little alot more than 40% Neanderthalesque DNA and it might need to be repeated…..

AGGCTU - All Go

TGATAUCA The Gods

Oh god samurai jack and his ‘sword’

I was thinking of writing up a little 50 shades of Grey Contract….Akina and I try Everything BUTT STUFF possibly with some oral but not kisses on the lips and no vaginal penetration…..is that Doable??? She meed to shave anyway…..

It took ~half my life before I new I was lied to……thanks BaeBaeS U are so Clutch and you dont even know it.

[aurorasulphur]

I posted 12,469 times in 2022

That's 6,442 more posts than 2021!

23 posts created (0%)

12,446 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@madmaudlingoes

@amarguerite

@dragonsthough101

@elfwreck

@quarra

I tagged 1,984 of my posts in 2022

#the locked tomb - 595 posts

#nona spoilers - 299 posts

#batfam - 278 posts

#peak ‘boys will be boys’ - 184 posts

#nona the ninth - 119 posts

#goncharov - 92 posts

#everything everywhere all at once - 73 posts

#typical girls will be girls - 61 posts

#children are weird - 56 posts

#unreality - 48 posts

Longest Tag: 129 characters

#oh and six seasons at a summer camp where one season i lived in four different cabins but the last 2 seasons i didn’t move at all

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Hello friends I would like to know: did you cry at all while reading Nona the Ninth? If so, which parts made you cry? If you can explain, *why* did that part make you cry?

23 notes - Posted September 17, 2022

#4

Re: Kiriona and Ianthe and their secret handshake, I would like to direct you to this line on wikipedia in its article on Mithraism, the ancient religion “centered on Mithras” which worshiped at places called mithraeum (s.)/mithraea (pl.):

Initiates called themselves syndexioi, those "united by the handshake".

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mithraism

32 notes - Posted September 20, 2022

#3

I’ve already seen some people with ARC access state their intention to post spoileriffic Nona the Ninth stuff to their queue for 00:01 on September 13th in their time zone, and I would like to request that you 1) not do that or 2) if you must, wait to give people at least 24 hours, for the love of all that is holy.

Getting an ARC is an enormous privilege, and you have waited this long to yell in public, so you can give everyone else some basic fucking common decency and hold off until they actually have a chance to read the damn thing unspoiled.

36 notes - Posted August 10, 2022

#2

My questions after reading Nona, in the hopes that perhaps someone else knows the answers or has theories:

1. whose souls did John put in Ulysses and Titania?

2. did everyone’s souls go back into their original bodies when he did the resurrection?

3. Is Paul a brand-new baby soul, (and thus Cam and Pal are fully themselves in the River) or is Paul shavings off of both Cam and Pal, meaning C&P are not actually whole within the River?

4. Why was John obsessed with “the maternity problem”? (I get Mercy’s whole thing about not requiring termination for people who were pregnant but I still don’t understand the actual problem John was agonizing over.)

5. What is the significance of Anastasia’s bones being inside the Tomb? Especially with that weird phrase about how her bones weren’t her?

6. What cradle creature did Nona draw? (My gut instinct was elephant but the legs comment is fucking me up.)

7. Why would a dog need arboreal legs??? How does an extra set of legs do ANYTHING to help with climbing trees???

8. What is the significance of the prison above the Ninth?

9. Why does Nona have a hard time eating? Alecto only eats when John does, and it’s implied that they’re eating raw meat. (I still stand by my cannibalism theory but acknowledge it could be the cows.)

10. Is Noodle’s name Noodle or does Noodle’s name *mean* Noodle?

(Questions 11 and 12 were answered by non tumblr folks before I transferred the list here.)

13.a. I’m so lost as to why someone had to die to open the tomb?

13.b. And why someone (Pyrrha or Paul?) said that this couldn’t be spoofed?

13.c. If someone had to die then HOW DID TEN YEAR OLD HARROW OPEN IT?

14. Why did Jod’s eyes change TO the yellow? (And how the fuck did that get passed down to Gideon?)

15. When did Jod’s eyes become the eclipses?

16. How were the dead bodies John’s batteries?

17. Based on Nona’s top and bottom brain recognizing the tower, I think we the reader should be able to figure out what the tower is. So what the fuck is the tower?

49 notes - Posted September 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

PSA: if you are trying to save old FFN fics by getting them to AO3, the way to do that is to contact the authors and ask them to crosspost.

DO NOT upload other people’s work to AO3. That’s against the TOS.

Saving things to your local machine for personal use is obviously fine, go ham with that!!!!

190 notes - Posted September 20, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[gothhabiba]

do you think TERFs have any valid points? I honestly am so confused by their logic, but on the other hand, aren't certain reproductive issues just for people with vaginas, just like trans people should get the center stage on their issues?

Is there any grain of truth at all in any terf arguments? I mean, yes, because terfs are interested in recruiting people and this is central to their recruitment strategy. Terfs want you to think that they are the only ones who are addressing issues that actually matter to women, that they are the only ones taking a meaningful stance contra violence against women, that they are the only alternative to useless liberal choice-based "it's empowering to purchase 1345163 skin and makeup products" feminism, and that they are the only ones who notice or are willing to talk about supposedly "obvious truths" regarding reproduction and biology, because everyone else is too cowed by "the trans cult" to do any of these things.

Terfs want to draw you in by degrees by espousing some seemingly reasonable opinions--such that you find yourself following people who just "happen" to reblog a lot of non-transmisogynistic posts from terfs because "they make some good points about non-trans issues," and then maybe following those terfs directly because you think you can sort it out and decide for yourself, and then you're exposed to more and more directly transmisogynistic and white supremacist content until you start to see these things (i.e., criticism of liberal feminism and transmisogynistic, racist sex essentialism) as logically connected. Terfs want you to believe, in fact, that transmisogynistic sex essentialism must logically follow from a critique of liberal feminism or from any actual reckoning with the material reality of women's lives, such that anyone who criticises liberal feminism without being a terf is just an incomplete terf, is "almost there" but still being held back by fear of reprisal from people who subscribe to "trans ideology," is parroting pro-trans slogans and dogma that they don't actually understand or believe because they don't want to be socially octracised and will eventually see the light. If you speak out against misogyny and liberal feminism on here a lot you can expect terfs to try hard to recruit you.

Cults, conspiracy theorists, and alt-right fascist movements like red pill / black pill work using the same "frog in a pot" technique--they play on actual concerns and real feelings of alienation and disaffection among their targets in order to gradually radicalise people by presenting disconnected arguments as logically connected, presenting themselves as the only ones with the solution to a problem, and presenting people on the outside as afraid, clueless, deluded, ignorant, and hateful towards their members and their messaging. This strategy is also why people recommend deplatforming terfs.

To answer your original question--IF there is a style of liberal trans feminism that denies that the ways in which reproductive capacity is discussed and legislated around are gendered, it is in my experience pretty niche and not primarily driven by trans women, whatever terfs claim. Of course the conception of reproductive capacity is gendered, of course lack of access to certain types of birth control, menstrual products, information about and support during pregnancy, and abortion is due to misogyny. Of course everything from medical violence against pregnant people to FGM is due to misogyny. But it doesn't follow that there are exactly two kinds of sexed body (either according to the reality of human biology or according to medical and political institutions), that you're categorically and unproblematically assigned to one or the other and always read that way, that people who are assigned "male" at birth are always unproblematically read and treated as men with all the privileges that that supposedly entails (terfs aren't good at dealing with race or class either), that trans people don't face reproductive violence, that the types of reproductive violence that concern cis women don't concern trans people--I could go on and on here, a lot of false equivalences are made around this.

For one thing, "people with vaginas" isn't really a meaningful distinction in terms of reproductive rights in the way that I think you're trying to use it in. You're trying to map "people with vaginas" (which includes... a lot of trans women?) neatly onto "people who were assigned 'female' at birth," "people who menstruate," "people who can get pregnant," "people who can carry a pregnancy to term," and probably also "people with hormonal cycles dominated by estrogen and progesterone," "people with breasts," and any number of other things--but the venn diagram of these different sets is absolutely not a circle! Any and all of these things obviously influence the trans people that they apply to just as much as the cis people they apply to? Plus the fact that women are commonly defined by their reproductive capacity obviously leads to transmisogyny & the reading of trans women as "failed" women, rather than somehow exempting trans women from misogyny (terfs SAY that they think of trans women as men, but they're very much lying). The fact that trans women need to accept sterilisation to get necessary medical care (which is what access to transition is) is a very obvious way in which the intersection of reproductive rights issues and misogyny impacts trans women. The idea that "afab people" (again, with the assumption that all of the above maps perfectly onto the same set of people) and trans women have completely discrete sets of experiences regarding the intersection of misogyny and reproductive / medical violence completely mystifies me. To the extent that those experiences are different, though, that difference does not motivate a reading of sex in humans as binary (in fact this is a colonialist, white supremacist idea), nor does it motivate a reading of trans women as sexed as "male" and therefore not subject to misogynistic control of or reading of reproductive capacity. This is all stuff that most trans feminists whom I've seen talk about this freely acknowledge.

See my /tagged/reproductive rights, /tagged/gender, and /tagged/sex binary for more.

[shreddedparchment]

A Wife for Thor Pt.22

Obstacle

04/08/2021

Pairing: King!Thor x Reader          Word Count: 5,413

Warnings: angst, jealousy, marital problems, pregnancy, allusions to cheating (no actual infidelity), fluff, smug Loki

A/N: It took me SO long to get this chapter down. I wrote literally like a few sentence a day for a bit and then finally got some good chunks out. This has been a tough week but this chapter makes it all worth it! I hope y’all think so too. A lot of good stuff happens in this chapter, as in stuff that I really like. If you happen to reblog, thanks so much for helping me spread my work!

Please DO NOT repost my stories on any other sites or blogs.

REBLOGS are always welcome!

The shuffle around the palace as Loki escorts you through the front gate is overwhelming.

It’s safe to say that judging by your reception when you’d shown up in Heimdall’s tower located on the far side of the city, the Asgardians are happy to see you.

Armod is also happy to see you and you rush to get into your car before you can get swarmed by eager Asgardians.

Loki joins you in the back seat and lets Armod gush over his happiness at seeing you back home and healthy. And pregnant! More than anything, the people are happy to see the swell of your belly.

Many of the women are crying as you step out of the car at the palace gate, the men cheering enthusiastically.

Some of the children have found flower petals to throw into the air and it rains white, pink, and yellow blossoms.

It's the small waving hand of a little girl with ebony floor length braids that tugs too hard on your heartstrings and you give in to your impulse.

“Armod, stop the car, I’d like to greet the people,” you ask, swayed further by the eager faces of the young girl's siblings who flank her..

As much as being Queen had come unexpectedly and as much work as it's been, loving the Asgardians has never been a challenge and you've missed your people.

Their kindness has always been the best part of your day.

Armod gives Loki a quick look but stops the car just as the palace gates are opening.

He pulls over to the side, putting it in park before hurrying out to open the door for you.

“Are you sure?” Loki checks, reaching over to place his hand over yours on the seat.

“Of course. I owe them this. I’ve been gone for so long.”

“If you’d rather go in, we can find an excuse.”

“Loki,” you laugh once. “Is something wrong? Is there a reason I shouldn’t get out of the car?”

“Not at all,” he assures you. “I just don’t want you to force yourself. I know this pregnancy hasn’t exactly been easy on you.”

“I’m okay. And I’m sure they wanna see the proof that they have an heir coming. Really, Loki, I don't mind.”

Loki sighs, but gets out quickly to move around and take Armod’s place and offer you his arm.

Taking it, you pull yourself out, and after a long moment to steady yourself on your feet, you turn to face your people.

A large number of Valkyries suddenly pour from the open palace gateway and you wait as they line themselves in front of the gathering crowd. A simple border of control to keep you safe.

The people don’t seem threatened by the guard either and they continue to cheer until you raise your hand and call them to silence.

It only takes a few seconds for the noise to die, leaving only the ambient sounds of the city, wind, and the shuffling feet as more Asgardians and visiting humans gather.

“Hello,” you begin, voice a little shaky from nerves. “I’m...I-I’d like to start by first apologizing for disappearing. And then for being gone so long.”

The people watch and listen attentively, hanging on your every word. As your hands drop down to your belly to stroke it anxiously out of habit, their eyes are drawn to it and they seem to rattle with excitement again.

Looking down at your tummy, you contemplate the little one inside and the kicks he gave you earlier in the day.

He's really in there.

“It’s been a long journey to do what’s been expected of me. Difficult, actually. Giving you and Thor what we’ve all been hoping for is a privilege though. It's important that you all know that.

"However, I'm not as strong as all of you. I'm not as resilient. As soon as I knew that I was expecting the future prince or princess of New Asgard, I knew that I had to take precautions. I had to stop thinking like your Queen and just for a while, think like a mom. I told Thor that I wanted to take some time away from my duties as Queen if only to make sure that my pregnancy would take. In order to ensure the health of this baby.

“Im so very sorry if I caused any of you any worry or pain by disappearing. That was never my intention and it makes me...I can only say that I'm sorry. I hope that you all can understand why I left. The The thing is I’m happy to say that my efforts weren't wasted, clearly."

There's a rumble of gentle laughter that flows through the crowd and breaks the slightly somber mood your speech is causing. You give them a smile and they smile back.

"And while that does make me very happy, it has not been easy to carry this baby. I have been sick and weak but after some rest I'm now feeling stronger than ever. With the constant and careful care provided by Doctors Wilson and Alric, I’m finally able to resume my duties as Queen with the knowledge that this baby is strong and healthy and my body can take the strain of bringing him-or her into this world.

“I’m so happy to be back among my people, my home. You all are my family and it fills me with such joy to know that I have made you all proud.”

The people cheer, more and more gathering along the street so that it’s now clogged and impassable. Others have taken to peeking out of windows from the surrounding buildings or finding balconies and roofs to stand on to get a better look at you.

Their excitement changes to trepidation at the look on your face as you realize that now is the perfect time to address what happened yesterday.

They’re so attuned to your mood that they quiet down again and wait nervously for you to speak.

"On a more serious note, I know that many of you must have been shocked by the lies spewed onto the pages of the Watch. And I'd like to be as clear as I possibly can about my absence from the palace.

"I only left because of the concern I had for our future prince or princess. There was absolutely no other reason for my absence in our great city. While it is true that something did happen between Thor, Jane, and myself--well, I will only say that now I know that His Majesty the King of Asgard is wholly devoted to me and our family, just as he has been from the moment he accepted me as his wife.

"Not that I ever doubted it," you lie. No one needs to know how bad things are and it is true that now you know Thor is devoted to you.

So, it's not completely a lie.

"As a people," you continue. "We'll need to be vigilant about the people we choose to trust to come into our homes. We will be more cautious now, and as a woman…"

You swallow hard, thinking about the words itching on the tip of your tongue to tumble forward and make your heart clear. Maybe it's not right to say it? Maybe it isn't the queenly thing to do?

You don't care.

"As a wife and a soon-to-be mother, I will say that Doctor Jane Foster is not welcome in my home. She has proven to be unworthy of the trust we placed in her and while her expertise is an invaluable commodity that I am sad to lose, I would rather have the second best than risk the stability of my family."

To your surprise, there are a flutter of approving nods and smiles, wives and husband's looking scandalized by the confirmation that something went down but clearly it was Thor that had Jane kicked out. A few cheers come but they quiet down quickly.

"My love for His Majesty is unwavering. As is his for me. No marriage can be without it's struggles but Thor and I are as united as we have ever been. Both in love, devotion, to each other and you, our people. Together we will strive to protect this kingdom to the best of our abilities and with this child, I hope we can begin to lay down proper roots for us so that everyone on Earth will know that New Asgard is here to stay."

The crowd cheers. It's deafening and your hands are trembling so terribly even clenched into fists they shake.

"LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!" someone shouts and the others fall into the chant as it's picked up by what sounds like everyone in the crowd.

A cool hand presses against the center of your back and you lean towards him as he whispers in your ear.

"That was beautifully done, Y/N," Loki admires. "Now come along. You need your rest."

You cradle your bump and the crowd cheers louder as you wave while Loki leads you back into the car.

As it pulls away from the curb, the Valkyrie turn to follow behind you. Faces full of stern pride. Their gleaming armor shining bright in the late afternoon sun.

The large wooden and steel reinforced gates of the palace close with a thundering clatter and you lean back, heart suddenly clenching painfully. Your stomach turns and you feel like you might throw up.

You shut your eyes and open the window allowing the cooling air to help drive your nausea away.

"Y/N? You alright?" Loki checks, putting his hand on your arm.

"I'm fine," you assure him, unwilling to open your eyes.

"Are you sure? Only, you're looking a little green."

That doesn't actually happen does it? Do people look green when they're gonna throw up?

You assume he's exaggerating, but as the last bit of the swirl in your belly passes, you look at him with fearful eyes.

"I'm nervous," you admit.

"To see Thor?"

"Mm," you nod.

"He's missed you. He will probably try and hug you. Might even kiss you."

"I don't know if I can handle that, Loki."

"You'll have to. The guards around the palace are sworn to secrecy about anything that happens in here, but with the amount of information that magazine was able to get we're pretty sure there's a mole amongst our number."

You look away from him, frowning because the last thing you want is to hug and kiss Thor.

Well, that is, you really want to do those things. Which is why you shouldn't. Not until you can be around him with some kind of rational thought and control over your feelings.

You need to get a grip and come to terms with the reality of your situation before you can let yourself love hum.

You have to protect yourself.

It turns out that you have nothing to worry about.

Estrid who had come before you with your things is there to greet you. A few others of the palace staff come to see you and you're welcome back with fondness.

Because you know you have to play the part, you look for him.

"His Majesty had a sudden summons from the Lady Sif and the Warriors Three, my Queen. He apologizes for missing your arrival but he's had the small dining room filled with all of your favorites.

"When you are finished with dinner, he has asked that you wait for him in his study."

Estrid's tone tells you she's wary for you. She wants to make sure you're okay.

The disappointment you feel gives you away not only to yourself, but everyone there to see your face fall as you caress your belly.

"A blessing in disguise?" Loki suggests in your ear for just you, but the smile on his lips says he knows better.

"He'll be back before it gets too late, Your Majesty," Estrid assures you, trying to soothe your sadness. "He promised. There’s nothing more he wants than to see you."

"I know," you smile at her, then the others before you head for the dining room, your stomach grumbling in anticipation of the foods you know are waiting.

~~~~~~~~~~

Waiting is torture. You keep trying to read your book but your attention is pulled back to the door of Thor’s study every few seconds.

You groan, dropping the book onto the desk before throwing your head back with scrunched up eyes.

How is it possible to be desperate to see someone while also dreading it?

It feels like you'll die if you don't lay eyes on Thor but also like it'll tear you to shreds if you do. There's no winning here.

You gasp as the door opens and get to your feet in the same breath.

Thor's body is rising and falling heavily with his own labored breathing. He'd been running.

To get to you? No. You can't be swayed.

"I'm here."

His declaration is soft but heavy with meaning. More than just him announcing his arrival.

"Oh, aren't you a vision," he gushes.

"Hi," you whisper, only because you can't catch your breath.

He's wearing jeans, a plain black t-shirt stretched across his bulging chest. He's even more massive than you remember. Three months away has deprived you so fully that suddenly being in his presence leaves you hungry for him.

You want him so much.

"I've missed you, desperately," he confesses. "May I greet you properly?"

You frown, so undecided.

"Or not," Thor relents. "Forgive me, I just got caught up in the moment."

Why is this so hard?

You want to feel him.

"You can greet our baby properly," you give in.

A big part of you needs to feel him and this is the only way you can give in and feel like you're still doing your best to hold strong in your resolve to get some distance.

Thor’s eye lights up and quickly finds the swell of your tummy with recognition.

"Really?"

"I will never keep you from our baby, Thor. Even if I'm not ready for things to go back to normal between us just yet."

Thor takes a half step towards you and watches you carefully for any indication that you're not comfortable with his proximity.

You sigh, head tilted to the left slightly before you hold out your hand to him, beckoning him closer.

In three long strides Thor takes your hand and stops when he's only a foot away.

"Here," you gasp.

Your heart is in overdrive. Thor’s touch is doing things to your body. There's an initial rush of butterflies in your stomach and quickly you pull Thor’s hands to the spots where your baby is kicking in response.

Thor’s body freezes. He goes rigid. He even stops breathing.

For a moment you begin to worry that maybe you've broken him, until he suddenly drops to his knees.

He swallows hard, eyes pooling as he stares at the swell of your stomach as the baby continues to kick.

“They’re really in there,” he’s so choked up about it that his voice cracks around the words.

As he speaks, the baby kicks more.

Thor laughs but then leans in to kiss your stomach over the fabric of your dress.

“We really made her,” Thor gushes.

“Her?”

He looks up at you, confused for a second before he smiles wide, “Or him. It doesn’t matter. What matters is our baby is coming.”

Your heart swells, and you’re so happy that you could float away like a hot air balloon with the warmth flooding your limbs.

This is the moment you’d dreamt of. This is the moment that had been stolen from you by Jane and her lies. This is the moment that you and Thor had both been yearning for.

He’s so caught up in it, floating through the glow of this perfect moment that he presses his lips to your tummy again two more times before he’s rising, his hand hooked behind your neck as he meets your lips as he gets to his feet.

You’re so unprepared for it, so utterly lost in this sweet exchange between him and your baby that your lips pucker on their own.

He opens his eye and yours, already open, stare into his. He looks slightly shocked to find himself kissing you but he doesn’t stop.

Instead, his expression shifts into a pained look of desire. He pulls back, his hand dropping to grip your bicep.

“I would say that I’m sorry but I have been wanting to kiss you since the moment I left you three months ago.”

You say nothing, watching him, listening. You’re searching your soul to see if this is okay with you because it feels okay. Despite the sirens blaring in your mind about the restrictions you’d set for yourself when you’d decided to come back home, your body is telling you it needs this. Your heart is painfully aching at Thor’s touch.

You’ve missed it. You’ve missed him. 

“Is this alright? I can go.”

The idea of him going now feels like the end of the world. Rationally, you know that isn’t an appropriate response to his offering to leave you be, especially when you know you asked him for space for specific reasons.

“No,” your hands grip the sides of his t-shirt tightly, holding him in place without any actual strength since compared to him, you’re as mighty as a little mouse.

You refuse to look up at him, despite the crumbling of your resolve.

“No, don’t go.”

It’s an almost involuntary shy response to your diminishing shame at losing all control after his touch. After one kiss. You should be disappointed in yourself. And part of you is. However, that part of you grows increasingly small as Thor gently takes hold of your chin and guides your gaze up until you can meet his.

“I’m sorry, cherub. I will try and be worthy of you again.”

“I know,” you admit, knowing how sorry he’s been from the moment he realized that he’d done something that hurt you badly. “I know you are.”

“Can I kiss you, cherub?”

His voice is so deep, so alluring and coaxing that you drop your gaze again, fixing it on his collarbone before slowly you nod.

His arm winds its way around your waist and he pulls you to him before dipping down and catching your lips with his again.

He pulls away after a second because the swell of your belly gets in the way, but he laughs and looks down at it.

The pleasant sound of his happiness gives you too much joy.

As you begin to smile, Thor reaches down to press one hand to the side of your stomach while he pulls you against him again and kisses you this time with more fervor.

The longer he has his lips pressed to yours, the more enthusiastic he gets until finally you’re breathless and you pull back but instead of pulling away, you wrap your arms around him and fist the back of his t-shirt,

You bury your face against his wide chest and Thor brings his hands back up to caress the sides of your face, his lips kissing the top of your head.

“I know I may not have a right to say this, but thank you for coming home. Thank you for coming back to me. I thought I’d lost you."

His arms grow a little tighter, his heart is in an absolute stampede.

You turn your head sideways so that you can listen to his heartbeat.

"This is what I'd wanted," you whimper, starting to be overcome with the emotion of being reunited with Thor and things falling into place more easily. "This is how I'd wanted us to share this moment."

Thor sighs heavily, giving you one more squeeze before he pushes you back a little so that he can look at you.

“I’m so sorry that I robbed you of that. I was a fool,” he nods, his eye intense as he stares into yours with wordless declarations piercing into you.

The memory of your speech with the people when you arrived pops into your head and now with Thor’s arms around you it all feels a little like an overreaction. The past three months feels like a distant nightmare.

Or does this feel like a dream?

“Thor,” you begin but Thor’s lips are on you again, drowning out your words.

“Oh, to hear you say my name,” he declares and kisses you again.

Your mouth opens for him and you absolutely melt against his chest as he nearly dips you in passion.

He pulls back again, “Is this real?”

He kisses you.

“You feel so good in my arms.”

He kisses you.

“Your skin is so…” but then he hums and kisses you.

He dips down and with his arms tight around your waist but also careful with the swell of your stomach, he lifts you so that you’re level with his eye.

“I love you, so much, my cherub. Thank you, thank you for coming home. Thank you.”

“I’m sorry I stayed away,” you sigh. “I need to be strong without you, Thor. I was hurt but I never stopped loving you.”

His face goes through shame, understanding, and then elation.

In a burst of subdued anger and aggression for what he put you through, you reach up and grab his shoulder. You dig your fingers in against the taut muscle then reach up to pull one of his ears.

You’re clearly not hurting him but he allows you to move his head, understanding the need to express your anger even if you’re not doing any damage.

“Never do that to me again,” you growl. “Never say that you’ll leave me. Why would you say that? Even in passing? You were so damn sure.”

“No, Y/N, I wasn’t. The moment I saw you, I knew that I could never leave you. I’m sorry. I could never even think those thoughts again.”

“You better not, or I won’t come back next time. I’ll disappear and you’ll never see me again.”

Thor takes your threat for what it is. A promise. Truth.

He shakes his head as he leans forward to press his forehead to yours, shutting his eye.

“I swear,” he begins. “On my life.”

He keeps you there, hovering over the ground with your heads together for a few minutes before he slowly lowers you to the ground. You realize it’s because he wants to stroke your belly and you take a slight step back so that he can.

He smiles, happy. It reminds you of the look your people had when you’d arrived only a hundred times as possessive and joyful.

Again, your speech intrudes on your reunion and this time, you won’t let him distract you.

“Thor,” you coax, placing your hands over his where they rest on the sides of your stomach.

“Yes, my cherub?”

He’s excessive in the affection he puts in his voice but you know that he must be floating on cloud nine after what you both went through when you made him leave you at your house.

“I-I did something and I’m not sure if it was right of me to do it,” you watch his brow wrinkle and for a split second you almost lose yourself in the beauty of his face.

Has he always been this handsome?

“When I got back I kinda made a speech? Everyone was so happy to see me and to see me carrying our heir and I wanted to apologize to them for leaving and for making them worry. I wanted to share in their excitement for the baby and with that stupid tabloid having come out yesterday-”

“Right, the article,” there’s guilt in his voice despite there being no truth to the rumors it printed.

“I wanted to put their minds at ease and I...I did confirm that something happened with Jane but not what they were thinking.”

Thor’s expression hardens just a tad and he pulls backs towards a large armchair. He grabs your hand though and pulls you along with him until he can sit and then carefully attempts to offer you his lap, unsure if you’ll sit.

You do, because you’re tired and because you’re not eager to be away from him again. Now that you’re touching him, you’re not in a hurry to change that again.

“What did you say exactly?”

Swallowing hard, you lick your lips nervously, “Um...I told them the truth. Not exactly the truth, but enough of it that they’ll understand that Jane isn’t welcome here. I said that the only reason I left is for my health and the health of the baby, which is true. I didn’t want them to worry about us because even if we didn’t reconcile, I want us to be united for them at least.

“But I don’t trust Jane, Thor. Not after what she did. Not after how she treated me when you weren’t looking, and the people need to know that I will protect them from anyone, no matter who they are to you or me.”

Thor’s face grows pained as you speak, his arm wrapping around your waist as his other hand caresses the side of your stomach. You’re starting to realize that it’s going to be hard to get his hands off it, but that doesn’t seem like a terrible problem.

“I wish you had told me that she’d been rude to you,” Thor sighs, taking his hand off of his stomach to stroke your cheek. “If I had known-”

“She wasn’t rude to me Thor, she dismissed me. I wasn’t even worth acknowledging to her and now I know it’s because she was jealous and wanted you back because what? She saw what we had together and suddenly it was good enough for her?

“I was in her way. That’s all I was. Even if in the end she couldn’t go through with it whether it was because she felt guilty for doing this to us or for lying or for having second thoughts and knowing that she doesn’t want to be Queen or a mom, she’s a bad person to me. And I have every right to protect myself, my baby, and our marriage from her. She’s not welcome here Thor. I never want to see her again. Ever.”

He’s cradling you now, holding you close because the intensity with which you're telling him that Jane is not welcome in your home is transferring to him.

“And if you’d known, you wouldn’t have done anything, Thor. You’d probably have talked to her and asked her what was going on and she would have lied to you and you would have believed her.”

He doesn’t deny it. He does look like it hurts him to know that you know though. That’s enough for you.

“I think it took her lying and doing this to us to make you see what she’s capable of.”

Thor shuts his eye, resting his head against your chest as he wraps his arms around you again.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know you are, Thor. But you weren’t the one who lied. I mean, you didn’t tell me what was happening, but you weren’t the reason that this happened. If Jane hadn’t lied-”

“But she did,” Thor says, his deep voice anguished. “And I failed to honor my vows. You are my Queen and I should have come to you the moment she told me she was pregnant.”

You both fall into silence as you reach over to stroke his bicep. His skin is so soft. Touching it gives you comfort in a way you weren’t aware you needed. The more you touch it the more you need to feel it.

A finger stroking his skin turns into two, then four, then your entire hand is running up under the sleeve of his t-shirt.

With the way his hand curls around your thigh, you know that both your bodies are responding to your touch. Both of you are heated but instead of giving into that because you aren’t ready for that yet, you lay your head on his shoulder and curl in closer to his chest.

Thor sighs heavily, wrapping you up in his arms as he cradles you close.

“Now we know better,” you whisper.

“Now I know what losing you will do to me,” Thor agrees. “I’ve missed you so much, cherub.”

You don’t respond. You’re too choked up to say anything without your voice cracking so both of you stay like that for a while.

The cocoon of Thor’s arms is toasty and from the exhaustion you’re feeling plus all of the emotions that have drained you, your eyes are heavy and difficult to keep open.

“What about you?”

Thor’s chest rumbles with a chuckle.

“We can talk more tomorrow, cherub. Sleep.”

“I’m not sleepy,” you lie.

“Very well, then. What about me?”

“You’re sleepy?” you look up at him, full of concern.

He chuckles again, “No, cherub. What were you asking?”

“Oh! I just wanted to know if you’re okay. What Jane did to you can’t have been easy. Despite what she did to us as a couple, she said she was pregnant. You’ve been wanting a baby for so long and she dangled that in front of you like the rat that she is. And then she wasn’t even pregnant?”

Thor’s arms constrict around you as he pulls you up towards him to kiss you.

It’s slow and full of emotion.

“Even after all of that, you’re still worried about me?”

“It took time,” you admit. “Once I wasn’t so angry and I thought about what Jane really did. I hate the idea that your heart broke over her lies. I can’t believe she ever loved you if she was willing to make you feel that way.”

Thor just stares at you, searching your eyes before he rubs his nose gently against your own. When he speaks, his voice is so low, so deep, an intimate whisper. It burrows into your chest and settles right there underneath your ribs and makes you breathless with missing him and desire.

“That’s why you’re my Queen, Y/N. And she is not.”

You’re not sure if it’s an Asgardian ability or if maybe it’s something specific to Thor, but he has a way of making you swoon.

“I missed you so much,” he confesses again, that whisper sinful. “Did you not miss me?”

You nod because you can’t speak. There’s a lump in your throat made of both sadness and want.

“Was your bed as frigid as mine was in your absence? Did you miss my breath on your neck as I did yours? Or the steady beat of your heart when you pressed your breast to my back as you held me while I slept?”

Fuck, he’s making this so impossible.

“I hate you so much,” you counter, but his lips stretch into a small knowing smile as you take a tight hold of the neck of his shirt and pull him up to meet your lips.

He exhales heavily into you, tasting you, relishing in every pulsating touch as both your hearts ache and yearn almost in disbelief as if both of you can’t believe that these wants, these needs are finally being met.

As he pulls back to tilt his head the other way, he takes hold of the sides of your face again, his lips grazing yours, “I love you.”

Before you can reply or yank him back into that torturous yet blissful kiss, a voice at the doorway clears their throat.

“Well, that was fast, what happened to keeping him at a distance?”

Loki’s voice pulls your gaze and you can feel your cheeks and neck burn at how easily it seems you’ve crumbled when finally face to face with Thor.

You frown at your brother-in-law, while Thor ignores his brother and leans up to press very non-chaste kisses to your neck, “I told you coming back was a bad idea.”

But Loki’s smile is blinding and with one chuckle he backs out of the room, shutting the door quietly as Thor turns you back to him so that he can get back to kissing you.

[lizzybeth1986]

A Book By Book Breakdown of Hana Lee - Part Two.

(Read the entire Hana Lee: A Study in Erasure series here!)

Previous: A Book by Book Breakdown of Hana Lee - Part One

It's a lot harder to discuss narrative structure with TRH, mostly because as a story it's a lot less coherent, full of retcons, and often disregards even recent canon at the drop of a hat. Even by TRR standards, the level of inconsistencies shocked regular readers. 

In this series we have a man raised from the dead (Bartie Sr), a TRM-related subplot that TRM itself refutes (House Vescovi), a House that claims a man who died childless as an ancestor (the Beaumonts, from Leon Sterling) and Liam's older brother, who is often written out of childhood flashbacks despite being the actual Heir in that timeline and the entire reason we even have TRR in the first place. It's pretty safe to say that TRH  was a mess from the get-go.

So naturally, whenever I bring up the way Hana was treated in this book, I'm often told that, well, that's the case of every character in this story. That every character in this story has gotten bad writing or (at least TRH2 onwards) has lost out on a proper story and don't feel like themselves anymore.

To some extent...sure. That's inevitable when a team churns out piss poor quality at higher prices. But that's why it's even more important to highlight how in Hana's case, this has been an ongoing issue. She's been treated like this since TRR1, and the only reason people don't think she's suffered was a lack of acknowledgement, and often a tendency to blame Hana's mistreatment on her (more on that when I speak about fandom, coz hoo boy, don't I have a bone to pick with some of y'all).

It's hard to pin down an actual structure for this series, so I'll just go by a general overview.

Book One

This book was meant to focus on the MC's pregnancy, but the irony is that that focal point itself only appeared by Chapter 14, depicted mostly through a series of montages, and lasted only 6 chapters. The Walker Ranch portion, on the other hand, lasted for 9.

If you married her, Hana's troubles in this one begin early...and "end" early, because really that's all the space her conflicts are allowed. To establish why the MC must be the one to carry the child, the narrative saddles Hana with a condition that makes it difficult for her to conceive...and never actually gives much hope that she can in the future. Hana is not allowed to have any lasting responses to this, other than to quickly redirect focus on the MC instead. The narrative weight given to this news is obvious from the way Hana's wife responds - by not really caring. Even the one time she could ask (on the way to Texas, two chapters later) is optional - not by default - and both times this comes up Hana tells her that the MC and their future child, is more important. Later on, the MC is (optionally) allowed to complain nonstop about not getting pregnant fast enough, and Hana is expected to comfort her.

Hana tends to be given the least space on two levels: as an LI in certain LI-centered scenes (though to be fair, the only LI "centered" that way at this point is Drake) and as a lady of the court. In terms of the latter, the stories of the three white women in court often overtake and overshadow the two default WOC. An example I can point to would be Savannah's bachelorette. It's a chapter that revolves around the women of the court, yet Hana gets the least attention and isn't even prominent in the Truth or Dare scene!

Hana doesn't have a specific plot besides the pregnancy one, and while one can claim this is the case with everyone - it clearly isn't: Drake gets the lion's share of whatever story is left, as Walker Ranch is written specifically to cater to him, and to that MC. Maxwell, too, gets hints at a future arc and gets to promote his book. Liam is an interesting case, in that the backstory about Queen Eleanor's death exists only thanks to him, yet the childhood scenes themselves redirect focus to other characters like Drake and Olivia, and he is never really given the space to react to these new facts about his mother's final days.

Hana, on the other hand, wasn't even given a full childhood scene (besides the lone image of her, playing with inanimate objects after being denied toys and waiting for her mother). Hell, she actually never got a single individual scene in this book, and the few scenes where she got good dialogue and a little space, were really quick moments tacked on to the end of other people's scenes. As a married woman she gets a few more scraps than she does when she is single, such as stronger acknowledgements from her parents of the damage their parenting has caused.

This book also had some very strange patterns when it came to writing Hana. For instance, the dialogue would feature a comparison to a particular skill, over and over, even in contexts where it did not fit. During the first few Walker Ranch chapters, they had her mention embroidery at a bar and while sorting tack for the horses. When it was pointed out that the writing team seemed to forget that Hana had horseriding experience, they then began replacing the embroidery mentions with equestrian ones. When it came to Hana, the writing strategy seemed to be "throw spaghetti on the wall and see what sticks" in lieu of actual effort.

There is one area where (very barely) the team could be given credit - and that was providing a grand total of three scenes (yes THREE!) where the MC could actually care about Hana's wellbeing. One was in Chapter 9 when Isabella mocks Hana for her "failed engagements" - in very much the same way Olivia got away with mocking her a book earlier - and the MC's criticism of the same was made a default. Another was in the first pregnancy photoshoot, where the MC could tell Hana to never consider herself secondary to her. The third was during the baby shower if she was married, where the MC could insist she rest rather than make the arrangements (which she is in charge of of she is single). But it's important to remember, again, that these were scraps, and scraps hardly constitute better treatment. I mean, Kiara got a brief burst of good treatment at the finale of this book, and look at how she was  treated in the subsequent books! As soon as they felt they'd done "a good job", the writing team slipped back into the same harmful patterns they'd always kept for these two WOC.

Not a lot happens for a single Hana, except the usual story beats. A married Hana gets a few extra scenes that establish her life as being marginally better, but besides that, she is relegated far, far into the background and only given scraps.

The Royal Holiday

Special mention to this mini-book, because it revolves around comforting a disgraced noblewoman who didn't (and actually still doesn't) hesitate to mock and undermine Hana. It's five whole chapters of showering attention, love and validation on Olivia, meanwhile in her single playthrough, the MC briefly remembers she has a friend called Hana so she can buy a music composition book (as far as I recall, she stopped performing in public. I don't think that means she would have forgotten how to compose pieces!). Do you recall what the MC's reaction was when Olivia mocked Hana in front of her mother? "Well, at least [Olivia] got the job done".

It's truly wild to me how much difference being a white woman makes in this series.

Books Two and Three

I'm clubbing these two together, since Book 2 falls further short in terms of characterization, and Book 3 doesn't even try. This is especially true if you're not married to Hana - she's just a part of the group at this point, with not much attention paid to her outside of it. Unlike Maxwell, who dominates these two books in terms of story and is coddled by the MC and the group throughout Book 3, and Drake in previous books, there is no real or consistent attempt to connect her to either the past or to what is currently happening (unless she is the Heir's mother).

Book 2 not only continues the trend of tossing occasional scraps Hana's way, but also continues to favour Olivia over Hana in very obvious ways - whether it is in giving Olivia more individual scenes, or in the way their interactions are framed (a good example of this would be the investigation scene at Auvernal, where Hana is made to sound frivolous compared to both Olivia and the MC). Besides this, a truly dangerous trend begins especially if Hana is married - many important facets of her characterization (where she came from, her parents' treatment of her) are either erased, minimised or retconned. While this has happened before in TRR, it hasn't exactly happened on the scale that it does this book (I will probably expand on this in some of the latter essays).

One notable moment from Book 2 is Hana's childhood scene. The writing for this scene is great: even though Lorelai seems more affectionate than she is in the present, or in Hana's previous childhood scene (where she is absent), it's quite clear that child!Hana responds to her mother with equal amounts of love and fear, "risking hugs" and feeling anxious even when her mother displays affection. You can tell Lorelai has secrets to hide from her daughter. You can tell how much of a toll Lorelai's and Xinghai's parenting has taken on Hana, even at that tender age. 

The downside to this scene, however, is that the narrative uses it as a springboard to soften Lorelai as a parent. Even though Hana gets to call her mother out on her hypocrisy (Lorelai wishes for the Heir to not be pushed into alliances, forgetting that that was what she put Hana through for most of her life), she expresses solidarity with, and a deepened understanding of, her mother in a couple of scenes. The narrative also takes great pains to not explore Hana's roots - neither Chinese, nor Cordonian (one exception is the library scene in the TRH2 finale, where she mentions reading manhuas as a child).

As a spouse, Book 2 does give us a small window into how she's progressed in some scenes, such as the heir-anointing photoshoot where she can speak about how she now feels a sense of belongingness to Cordonia, the scene in the hedge maze where she quotes The Language of Flowers (a book she last referenced in TRR2), or the observatory scene where she talks about her relationship with the media. The narrative also reminds us on a few occasions of her small secret rebellions, such as telling her parents that her favourite science fiction novels were actually astronomy books, or (in both playthroughs) the goth phase mentioned in Hana's dossier. But this comes with an serious downside - in the playthroughs where she isn't a spouse, we know very little about whether her story has progressed at all. 

Book 3 establishes Barthelemy as the Big Bad, so it isn't altogether surprising that Maxwell gets a lot of attention and sympathy within the narrative. Liam finds out the other person who killed his mother, but continues to have very little space to process. Drake gets to give the other men a lecture on "toxic masculinity" and Olivia yet again gets to cosplay at being a spy, this time putting herself in the real danger of being captured. In Hana's case, however, very little happens in terms of story - married or not. As a parent, she is given similar story beats as the other LIs, and when Bartie is shown to be involved in Queen Eleanor's murder, she is positioned as a distant observer to this heavy revelation (Hana seems more worried about Bartie putting the Heir through the same experience she got from her own parents). Which is fine, given the way the flashbacks had been written so far, but I'm sure the writing team could have involved Lorelai more in palace intrigue if they really wanted to.

Narratively, Hana's own story is at a standstill. And the only true marker of progress, regardless of her marital status - that she gets at all - is that she becomes a music teacher in the five years since the Heir was born. While it's a nice tie-back to The Royal Holiday, the fact that the team never bothered to build this up, is truly shameful.

It's true that every LI gets bad writing in this series. They get retcons, they get cringeworthy dialogues, they sound like clones of each other. Fair enough. But it hits a lot harder when one of those LIs gets this kind of treatment from the beginning. When Hana gives the MC an elaborate gift for their wedding anniversary and the MC hasn't even prepared a love letter, I'm reminded of how the same MC made her wife run errands in Savannah's diamond scene at their reception. When I see the MC compare Hana's broken engagement to Penelope's situation with her ex-husband, I remember how she (optionally) allowed her "Bestieeeeeee" Olivia to call her a failure. At least with a Drake, or a Maxwell, or an Olivia, there has been a history of the MC repeatedly seeking them out to offer comfort. There is very little of that for Hana, so the MC's dynamic with her, and the current bad treatment of her from the narrative, takes on an entirely different meaning.

The original TRR series set the foundation for Hana Lee as a character, and then allowed other characters to eat into her space. And while the narrative establishes that she is a skilled, dedicated person, it also neglects to place any lasting emphasis on her value, while praising other characters for either the same or lesser levels of dedication. TRH takes this in a more insidious direction. Because the previous series did not give Hana enough of her due, this series is able to successfully downplay several aspects of her entirely.

The next few sections will trace several components of her characterization in detail, from the first book to the latest (ie. before TRF), and explore exactly how a neglectful narrative failed her.

Next: LI!Hana and Friend!Hana

[inkandpen22]

It’s Pretty

Pairing: Sirius Black x Female!Reader 

Warnings: death, fighting, swearing, fluff

Word Count: 1k

Summary: Y/N is newly pregnant and Sirius is over the moon. Then, the unexpected happens.

A/N: I usually post imagines on Mondays, but I wrote this last night and couldn’t wait!

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Lounging on the couch with my head in Sirius’s lap, we go over baby names. I’m only less than a handful of months along, so we’re keeping the news a secret until we’re certain it’s safe. The only people who know are Remus and Harry. We told Remus because he’s our oldest friend and Sirius accidentally exploded when Remus came over the other day. The man-made it through from the door and Sirius just let it out. It came as quite a shock to me too and I’m the pregnant one. Harry was planned. We wrote to him asking to be the godfather, it only seems fair. Sirius pushed for Remus for a while, but with his responsibilities to the Order, I felt Harry was the best choice.

Ever since we found out, it’s all Sirius can talk about. When everyone comes over for meetings he has to bite his tongue. I’m afraid the meetings' firewhiskey sessions will perhaps be my worst enemy one day. Sirius loves to blab. Recently, he’s been talking about names all hours of the day and sometimes randomly in the middle of the night. No seriously- no pun intended- he’ll wake me up in the middle of the night when he’s thought of “the most perfect name for the little guy.” We don’t even know if it’s a boy yet.

“Alexi,” I announce for a boy.

Sirius cowers, his face scrunched like a bulldog. “Alexi? What are we Russian?”

“It’s pretty!” I defend.

“I won’t let my son have a pretty name,” he mocks. “It’ll be handsome and strong!”

I roll my eyes. “And Sirius isn’t pretty?”

“It’s majestic,” he corrects.

I hum, “oh! What about Torryn?”

He taps his finger against his chin, pondering it over. “Not too shabby. Better than Alexi...” He remarks slyly. “We always do-”

“We’re not naming it James!” I repeat, yet again. “Let Harry have that one.”

“Fine...” he grumbles, all pouty. “What if it’s a girl?”

“Sheridan,” I answer.

“So now we’re Irish?!” He sighs deeply, resting his head back dramatically on the couch.

“Do you have any bright ideas?!” I challenge playfully.

“Cressida,” he states calmly.

“Cressida...” I repeat, thinking it over.

“You like it?” Sirius smiles, petting my hair gently as he looks down at me.

“Yes actually,” I admit. “It’s pretty!”

“Don’t sound so surprised,” he laughs, leaning in for a kiss.

The sound of the front door causes Sirius and I to leap up from our position. My heart pounds in my chest. We weren’t expecting visitors today. The sound of footsteps, a series of them, brings me panic. Sirius immediately blocks me from the archway, protecting me. His wand is raised in front of him in one hand and the other grips my hand behind him. Then, Remus and Tonks turn the corner panting.

“Quick! It’s Harry and the other kids!”

“What?!” Sirius and I say in unison.

“They’re... They’re at the ministry!” Remus pants. “The prophecy!”

Sirius curses under his breath and starts down the hall the way they came with our friends. I follow the trio without a second thought.

“You’re not going!” Sirius shouts just before we reach the door.

“I’m coming Sirius!” I yell at my husband.

“Y/N!” He whips around angrily.

Tonks and Remus move aside, creating a clear path between me and my husband.

“I’m not even showing yet!” I defend.

“You’re pregnant!” Sirius reminds sharply.

Tonks gasps, her hand flying up to her mouth. Remus whispers something to her. Probably along the lines of ‘sorry, I couldn’t tell you.’

“And you’re an idiot,” I fire back, stifling my laughter. “Looks like we both have a gamble!”

Sirius rushes down the hall to me and cups my face in his hands pleadingly. “I can’t lose you.”

“Then you should be able to understand why I can’t let you go without me,” I claim quietly, placing my hands over his. “I can’t wait here doing nothing when I know you’re out there risking your life! It’s not just your life Sirius, it’s both of ours. It’s always you and me.”

He exhales deeply, lowering his head as he struggles with the internal debate going through his mind. “Okay,” he mumbles reluctantly. Rushing, he plants a kiss on my lips and takes my hand.

 _____________________________

I sprint to huddle behind a bolder with Ginny beside me. She’s brilliant, I’ll give her that. Granted, I could already tell after hearing her subtle comments at dinner that never failed to make me laugh.

Remus runs into view with Hermione and I take the opportunity to hand over Ginny. “Remus, watch them!”

“Y/N! Where are you going?!” He shouts, leaving the girls hidden to stop me.

“I have to help my husband and godson! I can’t just stand there!” I argue, marching aww.

“No!” He grabs my wrist and yanks me down behind a rock. “Sirius wouldn’t want you to!”

“Since when have I ever listened to him?!” I move to stand.

Remus yanks me back down, much to my annoyance. “You have your child to think about!”

“I am thinking of them!” I hiss at my oldest friend. “I won’t let them grow up without a father!”

His eyes pour into mine, awestruck. It’s highly unlike me to argue with him or anyone who isn’t my husband I suppose. Taking the chance now that he’s a little more compliant, I rise to my feet. Sirius and Harry fight off Lucius on the giant boulder in the center of the room. I run to join them urgently.

“Avada kedavra!”

I halt upon hearing the horrific words echo in the room. My eyes scan the room for the source and I spot Bellatrix towering above the rest of us, a wickedly grin on her face. I follow her eyesight to the center, to my husband. He has an unfamiliar blank stare in his eyes as he peers at Harry. Out of my peripheral vision, Remus runs past me. Before he can reach the pair, Sirius slips away into the archway.

“No!” I scream at the top of my lungs. “No!” I cry.

Kingsley wraps his arms around me, keeping me back. I fight him off, aggressively. “Let go of me!”

“No, no don’t let her win!” He warns in my ear.

I wail as my legs give out on me and I slip to the ground. “No,” I cry toward the ceiling.

“Get her out of here!” Shouts Remus.

I hear Bellatrix’s laugh ringing throughout the room. Something in my snaps and my tears stop altogether. Kingsley reaches to apparate me home, but I snatch my wand off the ground beside me and runoff. I follow Bellatrix out into the crevice she escaped through.

“Y/N!” Everyone calls after me panicked.

“I killed Sirius Black!” The crazy lunatic repeats like a song as she skips through the Ministry. “I killed Sirius Black!”

“You raging bitch!” I yell as I shoot a spell her way and missing.

“Aw cousin-in-law coming to get me?!” She mocks, continuing her celebration.

“Crucio!”

Bellatrix falls to the floor with a yelp. I continue my spell, putting at much focus as I can into her. She flails on the tile in pain, screaming. I wonder if it reminds her of torture in Azkaban. I sure hope it does.

I ease up on the spell, lower my wand to her chest. Catching her breath, she peers at me terrified. As she should be because now I’m the raging bitch. She thinks she’s evil because she was filled with hate. Well, now I’m filled with hate!

Pointing my wand directly at her chest, I smile wickedly at the woman who killed my love. Just two words and everything will be set fair and square.

“Aw, afraid of me now?” I tease with a mocking pout.

“I don’t need a blood traitor feeling sorry for me!” She bites.

I snicker, amused by her pointless insults. Swiftly, I kneel down on the floor beside her, getting in her face. I point my wand at her chest and dig it into the skin intimidatingly. Then, I hit her where I’m certain it will hurt.

“You’ll never be anything more than just another loyal follower,” I remind her smoothly with a smile on my face. “He will never want you. You alone will never be enough for him. You can try everything in your power, but the Dark Lord will never love you.”

She pushes back against my wand. “How dare-”

I slap her hard, causing her face to snap to the side. “Tell me how it feels Bella! Tell me how it feels to be worth nothing in eyes of the person you love! Because I wouldn’t know that feeling! Because unlike you, the man I loved, loved me in return!”

“Go to Hell!” She screams in my face.

“I’ll see you there!” I laugh, leaping to my feet and ready to kill the bitch.

“No Y/N!” I hear Remus shout a distance away.

“What is this?” I hear a sly voice question directly behind me.

I glance over my shoulder to be met with Voldemort. Bellatrix laughs loudly.

“Y/N, it’s been too long,” he smiles wickedly. “You’ve grown up so much!” He pauses for a moment, then his eyes fall to my stomach. “And you’re with child, how wonderful.”

I remain silent, restraining myself from doing something rash. The Dark Lord slithers toward me with a smile. Remus and the others stay back, ready to intervene if necessary, but don’t want to cause anything detrimental.

“You know, it’s not too late to join my ranks,” Voldemort whispers to me as he circles me.

“Never,” I stand my ground, knowing it may cost my life.

“Pity, you have such potential,” he mutters disappointedly, starring into my eyes.

He stays for a moment and I can see the wheels turning in his mind. Reaching up, he brushes the back of his hand against my cheek. Then, he sighs and turns to walk away.

“Aren’t you gonna kill her?!” Bellatrix whines, following after him.

The Dark Lord halts and snaps his attention to her, “are you questioning me?!”

The sound of blasting fire as people arrive through the fireplaces signal Voldemort that he must depart. Voices erupt once they see him for themselves.

Voldemort looks to me. “The honor of being my right hand is always open to you, Y/N,” he purrs before disappearing into a cloud of broken glass.

I fall to my knees, utterly exhausted. Tears well up in my eyes and soon I feel arms around me. I glance to my side and Harry’s head rests on my shoulder. I turn to face him, wrapping my arms around him. His head falls to my lap and he wails. I lean over him, protecting him from the world as I’ve always done. I didn’t just lose a husband, he lost a godfather. The realization hits me hard, we’re each other’s only family now.

_____________________________________

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