#like even his happiest memories where clouded with neil
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biillys · 2 years ago
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and you— you were happy.
#top one most heartbreaking scenes in the world.......................#m#gifs#billyhargroveedit#needed a break from trying to make palette sets and Colour Specific Gifs for billy week work and somehow thought /this/ would relax me??????#now im just fucking SAD#billy hargrove#its the WAY u can see him like. fucking PHYSICALLY reacting#to when el says 'she was pretty'#like he's fighting with himself SO HARD to like.#OKAY NO LISTEN! its the way that when el ventured into his head the first time#she saw him. on the beach#with his mumma. grinning from ear to fucking ear#but surrounded with The Neil Of IT All still#like even his happiest memories where clouded with neil#so like. even when billy retreats into his head- into his HAPPY place#its STILL got neil just on the outskirts........ always still there.....always overshadowing and like. eventually taking over.#so el!!!!!!! when el fucking looks up at him!!!!!!!!! crying and begging!!!!!!!!!! she just!!!!!!!!!!!#she brings forward all those memories!!!!!!!! except she cuts neil out!!!!!!!!!!!!!! focusing on his mum!!!!!!!!!!!#highlighting every single fucking detail!!!!!!!!!! that billy can never focus on!!!!! because even his happiest memory isn't safe#and els just like!!!!!! the wave was seven feet!!! u told her it was seven feet!!! and there was sand in her shoes!!! and she was pretty!!!#she was really pretty!!!!! and you WERE HAPPY.#the way billy fucking breaks??? after she says 'she was pretty'#and then the way his face Does That and he nods along with 'she was REALLY pretty'#then the 'and you- you were Happy.' part#like#i fukcing WISH i died instead
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