#like dude. really. right in front of my salad

[burke-juliet]

started reading red white and royal blue and there is literally no heterosexual explanation for how alex describes henry AND shaan in chapter 2. How did this boy ever convince himself he was straight

[imnotcrazyimawesome]

The look of a man about to make a regrettable choice on live national television

[kkumacoupzz]

guess who? (h.js)

───★ soft launching your boyfriend, joshua, on instagram (feat. seungkwan as your older brother)

notes .ᐟ smau (ig posts), random face claim, f!reader, use of y/n

A/N: a combination of some of my recent favourite tropes! i'm also exploring new and creative ways to write smaus and fics in general, thus the instagram feed layout. anyways hope you enjoy this short silly story! <3

urfavuser

urfavuser looking for someone

view all comments

dk_is_dokyeom WAIT WHATTTT

pledis_boos WHAT YOU ARE HERE???

urfavuser surprise 😛😛

user01 omg you went to support your brother! ♥︎ by author

urfavuser he better be grateful i dragged myself out the house for this

user02 Y/N IS A MENACE AND I LOVE HER FOR THAT

urfavuser

urfavuser midnight escape

view all comments

user01 ok queen 😩

sound_of_coups pledis_boos is looking for you girl

user02 WHO'S THAT IN THE 3RD PIC

user03 OH MY GOD RIGHT

user04 you might be onto something…

joshu_acoustic

joshu_acoustic late night walk

view all comments

user01 WAIT A MINUTE

user01 THIS LOOKS FAMILIAR

pledis_boos where even did yall go

joshu_acoustic for a walk obviously

min9yu_k why is seungkwan madder than sound_of_coups lmaooo

sound_of_coups i literally do NAWT care atp

urfavuser

urfavuser look who it is

view all comments

user01 SOFT LAUNCH WHOOO

user02 WE MANIFESTED THIS

user01 seungkwan about to go into his protective older brother era ♥︎ by author

user03 user01 WHY DID Y/N LIKE YOUR REPLY

vernonline 😦

user04 OH HE KNOWS THE TEA

urfavuser no he doesnt lol

pledis_boos ??? have i been summoned

urfavuser naw

user05 lies upon lies y/n WE KNOW

urfavuser

urfavuser watching the sunset with my sun

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user01 MAMA WHO THAT IN THE BACK

user02 PULLED A BADDIE

urfavuser *he pulled a baddie

user03 WE LOVE A SELF AWARE QUEEN ♥︎ by author

user04 hear me out, it's a seventeen member

user05 OMG RIGHT

user06 theres no way 😹😹 stay delusional gang

user07 user06 babes you must be fun at parties

urfavuser

urfavuser best of our recent dates

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user01 GUYS I SWEAR IT'S JOSHUA. JOSHUA LIKES BRACELETS. IT'S DEFINITELY JOSHUA. 100%. 

user02 idk but he lowk might be jeonghan tho…?

user03 she's not dating a svt member lol

user04 user01 i can confirm i am the bracelet 😔

user05 user03 IM CRYING THEY THOUGHT THEY ATE 😭

sound_of_coups pffft lol

user06 omg hii cheol

user07 BRO HAS INSIDER INFORMATION

user08 what about you tell us cheol !? 😍🫶

xuminghao_o GET OUT OF MY TL 😭😭😭

urfavuser NEVERRR

xuminghao_o but what if my fingers... slipped... and i accidentally... tag him... oops...

urfavuser MINGHAO PLS NO

user09 minghao over here doing god's work 🙏🙏

urfavuser #cooked

urfavuser

urfavuser brother approves

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pledis_boos SIGHS DRAMATICALLY IN FULL CAPS

urfavuser ok weirdo 🥀🥀

pledis_boos LOOK WHO'S TALKIN

user01 i love whatever beef the boo siblings have together ♥︎ by author

urfavuser user01 well i don't really do actually (jokes)

pledis_boos me neither (not joking)

joshu_acoustic ❤️ ♥︎ by author

urfavuser ❤️

user02 DAMN BRO IS DOWN BAD

user03 OK YNSHUA CUTEST COUPLE

user04 POWER COUPLE WITH LETHAL FACE CARDS

user05 THIS WAS NOT ON MY 2025 BINGO LIST

joshu_acoustic

joshu_acoustic ❤️ loml

view all comments

urfavuser love ya shua darling ❤️❤️ ♥︎ by author

joshu_acoustic love you too ❤️

user01 right in front of my salad too

user02 make love like this attack me too one day 🥹

pledis_boos you better take GOOD care of my baby sister

joshu_acoustic 🫡

urfavuser pledis_boos I AM NOT YOUR BABY.

user03 COUPLE OF THE YEAR

user04 OMG OMG OMG I CALLED IT

user she is such a pick me girl for dating her brother's friend. i bet she is only dating him for attention.

user05 go cry about it loser 😂

user06 sorry you're just single and hate people for being HAPPY

user07 what about you go touch some grass ms delusional

user08 i heard people tend to be jealous over what they don't have 😔

saythename_17 best couple ����

sound_of_coups 👏👏

min9yu_k ynshua 🤩

vernonline congrats dude

urfavuser 💕

kkumacoupzz 🐈 © 2025 do not repost any of my work and writing

[eddiegettingshot]

okay so let's just recap what happened. maddie tells buck he should try making new friends because he's not coping well with his only friend eddie being gone. so buck tries to make friends with eddie's replacement, looking like a complete loser in the process, due to he doesn't know how to make friends and eddie's just a freak disguised as a pretty cool and normal dude. they manage to settle on an activity that eddie should probably not haunt (drinking) except for that buck is really intent on making sure eddie haunts everything and everyone so he spends the entire time talking about how he is eddie's princess and eddie is soooo good at stuff and has never done anything wrong in his life and he's so much fun, let's play this drinking game he taught me! ravi who is sick of this forcibly inserts tommy in his place and gets the hell out of there before buck can say eddie's name a billionth time. tommy doesn't really get what he's supposed to be doing there and doesn't give a shit until he learns that eddie is gone, upon which he Turns It On and they end up going back to. well. (tommy voice) eddie's house. buck has not unpacked a single thing and is never even there so they have tequila-drunk sex on a bare mattress without sheets or anything, there is definitely no lube available so it's definitely dry as fuck, and afterwards buck (drunk, just had sex) still has the wherewithal to change into his sleepytime shirt (he doesn't take his watch off though) before falling asleep, so it probably isn't all that athletic either. in the morning buck wakes up in an empty (sheetsless) bed and is like Haha okay he probably just left! but no. tommy's in eddie's kitchen and he has cooked 1 pound of bacon and 17 eggs and an entire fruit salad and chopped up celery and carrots and also cut 4 bagels AND brought champagne. to celebrate their dry ex sex they had on buck's bare mattress in eddie's house, which by the way he thinks it's super weird that they're in eddie's house, but hee hee eddie's gone so he can ignore it and GET IN THERE!!!!! like he's been waiting to do for months apparently. then for some reason when buck asks him if he's not afraid buck will break his heart anymore he decides the best response is to be like WELL YEAH NOW THAT YOUR BEST FRIEND HAS MOVED TO A DIFFERENT STATE. YOU KNOW, BECAUSE OF HIS FAMILY FALLING APART DUE TO HIS GRIEF. YEAH HE'S OUT OF THE WAY NOW SO IT'S ALL GOOD OVER HERE. HOW ABOUT SOME BUBBLY? and buck, understandably, is weirded out, and also freaked out, but even he is like. Ummmm. first of all eddie rented this house. and he's straight. so you're wrong about my feelings for him, which neither of those things address. also i don't have feelings for you btw. and then tommy walks out, leaving buck with approximately 80 united states dollars' worth of breakfast, so he can call an uber from eddie's front porch. and he has to sit there and wait for his uber, and probably he's thinking, Wow if i told buck i was getting an uber right now, buck would probably say, "me and eddie got an uber once!"

[multiversefanfics]

Fluffy

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Chubby!Fem!Reader Warning: fluff, body insecurity, cussing Summary: You're a waitress at a diner that Sam and Dean stumbled upon. Word Count: 934

Another hunt. Another random state. Another string of lies they have to tell people. Dean usually had no problem lying to people, but for some reason when it came to you, he didn't like the fact that he had to lie to you, he didn't even know you, yet he wanted to be his most authentic self with you, but also wants to protect you he didn’t know why, but he couldn’t shake the feeling.

You walked up to them pen and notepad in hand “Mornin’ boys, can I start you off with something to drink?” Dean smirked, but he hasn’t looked at you yet

“Uh, yes, sweetheart, do you have-" That’s when he saw you.

His breath got caught in his throat, your smile, your eyes, and most importantly, your curves. Dean cleared his throat and looked away

I’ll take a water.” You nodded and turned toward Sam

“And for you?” Sam smiled sweetly at you and looked at your name tag

“I’ll take a water too… Y/N, that’s pretty.”

You smiled back and blushed a bit “Thank you, I’ll be right back with your waters.” You turned on your heels and walked away to go get their water. Sam smacked Dean’s arm

“Dude what was that?” Dean looked nervous he didn’t know what to say or do

“She’s gorgeous.” A few minutes later you returned with their waters and 2 mugs and a pot of coffee

“I hope you don’t mind, you two just look really tired so i decided to bring you guys some coffee, free of charge.”

They both thanked you and placed their order, Sam got some nasty salad that you tried to talk him out of, and Dean got a burger and fries.

"If you guys need anything else, just let me know." You smiled sweetly and turned to walk away

"Actually, sweetheart, I would like your number."

You always got hit on, usually, they just wanted to get in your pants, and you're sure Dean is no different, he was just another man that wanted to get his dick wet, well at least that's what you thought.

"I don't think I'm your type." Dean tilted his head to look up at you, smirking a bit

"What makes you say that?"

You sighed and looked at the girl in the booth a couple tables down from them who never stopped looking at Dean since they walked in. She was pretty, skinny, and blonde

"Well, I think she's more your type than me, I mean, have you looked at me, I'm a cow." You nodded towards the girl and waited for Dean to look at her.

He frowned before he turned his attention back to you and chuckled. You raised an eyebrow, trying to figure out what was funny

"Listen, sweetheart, she may be pretty but, she's not you. You're definitely not a cow.” You wanted to be flattered but come on, you could tell he was just like every other guy that hit on you or told you they wanted more than just sex and you were fed up with it.

“I’m flattered, but I’m more than just a booty call.” You laid their check on the table and walked away to go wait on another table.

Dean didn’t want a booty call, he wanted you, all of you. He was determined to let you know that and prove it to you. You were taking a table’s order when you felt a strong hand on your lower back

“I’m sorry, but can I borrow her for a second?” The people are the table nodded.

Dean took your hand lacing his fingers with yours, and pulled you outside.

“What the hell. I’m working.” He stood in front of you not letting your hand go

“You’re not a booty call.” You scoffed, let go of his hand, and crossed your arms over your chest.

“I’ve heard that before.” Dean sighed and looked into your eyes

“I admit, I’ve had my share of booty calls, but when I saw you, I knew you were the one that could turn me into a better man, call it a gut feeling, but you lit up the room when you walked over to our table.” He took a deep breath and rubbed his face. “I don’t even know your name, and I feel like I’ve known you my entire life.”

You couldn't help but blush, he held his hand out for you to shake

"I'm Dean." You shook his hand, smiling up at him

"Y/N" He brought your hand to his mouth and kissed it

"I hope I get to do this more often." You smiled and squeezed his hand lightly

"I hope so too," Dean told you the truth about why they were in town, and you decided to quit your job and join them in hunting. Dean trained you how to shoot, and Sam showed you all the websites he goes to when he's researching lore.

You became a very good hunter and even got the chance to exorcise a demon on your own, Dean fell hard for you. Bobby and Sam tease him about it, but they know how much you love him and how much he loves you he complimented you every chance he got and you believed him when he did; Dean was never distracted when you were on a hunt, you would think he would, but protecting you was his number one priority, he was focused even on hunts when you weren't there, he knew he needed to make it home to you and he always did.

A/N: I hope you guys like this, I'm sorry if it seems rushed, if you want to be tagged in future fics comment here or send me a message. Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated. 🥰

Main Masterlist - Dean Winchester Masterlist

Taglist: @iwudbutnah

[anonohmiss-onao3]

I forgot to mention but when I went to that con last weekend in Temari cosplay, my best friend came with me and cosplayed Shikamaru and the whole time dudes were coming up to me to get photos cause like Temari is a certified babe and they wanted photos with their waifu. But my friend is just standing there as Shikamaru getting visibly more and more upset by this to the point where she starts going "Really right in front of my salad? They're gonna hit on my WIFE right in front of me? Unbelievable."

At one point one of the guys was like "oh let me help you put your fan back on" after I took a photo with him and she whipped around and goes "Not on my watch!" to which the guy was like "omg Shikamaru I didn't see you there lurking in the shadows."

Anyway I thought it was funny how into the character she got, like girl did not need to be doing all that 😭😂

[ravennaortiz]

2/5: Date Crashing with Coco requested by @hatersaremymotivators

“Where’s the trouble maker?” inquired Coco as Angel and EZ joined him at a table in the clubhouse.

“Don’t even get us started on that” replied Angel with a sigh as he took the beer Bottles offered him. “Out on a date with that idiot from her work. All I’m going to say” he added after a couple swigs as EZ chuckled.

“Guys okay” offered EZ making Angel scowl.

“He is okay in won’t hurt her cause he’s got twigs for arms and legs and the personality of a helpless worm. “ scoffed Angel before turning back to Coco. “Dude has no idea how to change a tire, has asthma and gets fits from dust. I mean how the hell am I supposed to feel secure with my baby sisters safety when the man she is dating could be killed by a damn dust spore thingy?” he demanded as EZ continued to chuckle as he wandered away to talk to Guero.

“Valid point’s man” replied Coco his eyes locked on his beer. Trying to decide what to say that wouldn’t set his best friend off any further. If he was being honest he had feelings for the youngest Reyes but had never acted on them due to Angel being his best friend. But the idea of her being with another man especially one who couldn’t look after her really bothered him. “I can fix it” stated Coco as he stood up and patted Angel on the shoulder before moving towards the door.

“What do you mean?” started Angel as he turned to watch him go with a frown.

“You will see” called Coco.

“You okay?” you asked as you looked up from your food when Ken paused in the middle of his sentence. He was looking over your shoulder with a look of horror as he folded his napkin on the table. He looked ill and like he was trying not to run away. Turning to follow his gaze your eyes landed on a familiar leather that had you getting annoyed before you realized it was not one of your brothers. Though to be honest Coco Reyes might be worse for Ken.

“Everything good?” you asked as Coco stopped at your table smiling at you as he set a rose down.

“Course. Just joining you for dinner” replied Coco as he nudged Kens shoulder. “Mind scooching over man”.

“Uhhh…sure.. yeah no worries “replied Ken quietly as he made room in the booth for Coco.

“Coco, I’m on a date. Which you are crashing. Did Angel tell you to do this?” you demanded annoyance in your voice.

“Crashing your date?” asked Coco as he sat back before popping a chip into his mouth. “My bad. Though from my observation it didn’t seem you were. “ he added before turning to Ken who looked like he would love to run away. “See if I were her date I would have been sitting right next to her, getting all close and shit. Make sure she was having a grand time. I definitely wouldn’t have let some strange man anywhere near her. Certainly would not have let him sit across from her.” He added before turning back to you and leaning back in the booth. “Also would not have brought you to a place you hate and then ordered you a dumbass salad” he added with a laugh as you all looked down at the food you had been playing with. You couldn’t help the snort at that.

“See how I made her laugh? Start taking pointers for the next time you get a woman to go out with you” stated Coco as he nudged Ken. “Watch my next move. I call this stealing your date” he added before leaning across the table and grabbing you hand.

“I am madly in love with you. I am not playing either.” Stated Coco as you met his gaze. “You mean the world to me and I would do anything for you. Just give me a chance please?”

You were shocked but managed to nod. Truth be told you had had a crush on Coco for awhile but knew better than to mix in with Angels friends.

*Next Day*

“I’m sure there is a reasonable explanation” stated EZ as he called after Angel who was storming up your stairs to pound on your front door. Trying to suppress his laugh as he finished parking behind Coco’s bike that was in your driveway.

“Hey man” greeted a shirtless Coco as he opened your door with a grin. “Fixed your problem”.

[munchymuchy]

Don’t rib the kish

..Gggrrrruuoowww..

Here you are in a tiny bathroom stall sitting on the toilet but you weren’t using the bathroom you were gonna be used as a bathroom. Your front view was filled with the most famous ass in wrestling and that was rikishi. His ass blocked your whole view of everything, his stomach gurgling like a volcano made the situation scarier. The only thing you were hoping in that moment that he didn’t pull his thong down, thankfully he still had it on and between those fat cheeks of his.

He looks back at you with a smug look on his face. Seeing that you’re looking very nervous but also curios on what’s gonna happen. “Don’t worry little dude this gonna be breeze…just remember this is what happens if ya hide food that’s mine hgnn”. Yep, This whole situation your in came from you hiding his food from him as a rib. You started to open your mouth to yell weight but a gust of wind filled it instead.

Frrt!?

Broootttt!

FrrrbbbBbTtRtRt!!?

Brorott!

It sounded like his farts weren’t gonna stop and the sounded of you coughing really made him giggle. This was basically him doing his pre-match ritual to you as a “get back” to your rib, “man his farts are rank, what’d this dude eat” you thought to yourself as you covered your nose and turned your face. However his gargantuan ass was a mere inch from your face making it harder to get away from the blast zone.

“Whew..that feels good been holding these in for a while. Had a pretty big bean salad before you wanted to go and try and rib me. Gonna have plenty of fuel for a while” Rikishi said wiggle his ass side to side making small poots come out more.

“Fuck cough cough.. i won’t hide your food, I won’t rib you anymore Jesus” He continued to wiggle his booty and turned his head to look at you. “Uh uh uuh, face your punishment. No point in trying to get away from this ass”

BBbbrrbrbtbrbrtbtbtbtbtb??!

Sprtrtrbrtrbrbtbrtttt?!!

These farts he was releasing now sounded wet, veerrrryyy wet. It even took rikishi by surprise by their squelchy sound and the rotten smell. Kishi started to do a fanning motion near his butt and playful tease you. “Damn that stinks, smells like straight shit.” He could tell it look like you were gonna pass out so before you could do that he pushed his butt right into your face. This caused you to snap in a more alert state when your nose was attacked by old fart smell along with man musk.

“Hang in there bud, imma let you go in one second” with that being said he started to move his hips side to side for good ol stinkface. Your nose was deep in his clothed crack and your mouth was half way open to get a somewhat taste of his ass. It tasted salty almost like a cracker but also bitter like kale or something. It felt like forever until he got off, your head practically popped out of his ass in a cartoonish manner.

Rikishi grabbed your face to face him. You felt so tired and your whole body smelled awful inside and out. “God dayum you smell just like ass! But hey at least you know not to rib me anymore right?” He said squeezing your face tighter making you nod in agreement. “Good~….now get outta here all this farting made my bowels full unless you wanna stay for that too?” He said with a voice filled with anticipation. You quickly get up and rush out, you really didn’t wanna stay in there while he pooped since you already know what his farts smelt like. Fresh air was the only thing on your mind…..but you could feel yourselves wanting more after getting out…more of that chunky ass.

[hils79]

Hils Watches Imitation - Ep 5 (part 2)

Part 1 here

This clueless boy is also my favourite. Honestly the characters in this are so fun!

Wait, that's the same photo behind him that he had on his desk. Are they all photos of himself??

He is such a loser, and I mean that affectionately. You know how Hongjoong gets all awkward and weird around Seonghwa sometimes. That's basically what this is.

Really? Right in front of Hyunji's salad

Have I mentioned that I love her? If this was a braver show she'd be a lesbian

I genuinely don't think it's even occured to her that he likes her. He's her bestie who is always just there. But comments like this definitely aren't helping. I mean I make jokes like this with my kpop kids but we're all in on the joke

Is this an Ateez joke?

Meanwhile Ryeok is very aggressively tidying the fridge because Ma Ha keeps ignoring his calls. Very normal behaviour.

I really like him. He's so funny.

He just flipped the towel over his shoulder like a scarf 😂

LMAO dude that's exactly what you did

Except that poor kid from Riize got cancelled and fired for dating while he was a trainee so you can't even do it then really

I like that Yujin spite dances and Ryeok dances out his feelings. They're more similar than either of them realise

Dude it's been literally 5 seconds since you texted her. Please have some chill this is just embarassing

I mean he's sent you 6 messages a reply might be polite?

I was going to laugh about how they keep all roasting him for not having any friends but Hongjoong says the same thing. God, Ryeok is just Hongjoong isn't he?

See, if he hadn't imagined the whole megaphone scene and just told Hyuk sooner he'd be a lot further along than he is. The maknae is wise. God, I really hope Jongho also gives the Ateez members wise romance advice

[darling-i-read-it]

Barbecue

Phillip Graves x fem!reader

Word Count: 2.2k 

Warnings: general sexual insinuations, literally tooth aching fluff i love him so much it hurts, drinking, guys being dudes

Author’s Note: i literally swore to myself i would write this, the plotless fluff needed to happen and it needed to happen now frankly. Also I just made up a bunch of names for the shadows!

I wrote this as a technical part 2 to Shower Before Bed but it’s not necessary reading! Just like. Made sense in my head lol. 

Summary: Literally just a get together with the Shadows at Phil and his ladies house 

Genre: fluff 

Song: Maps by Yeah Yeah Yeahs 

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director/creator

(not my gif)

“Babe, where's the propane?!” 

“Under the grill?”

“It’s not there!” 

“I don’t use that grill Phil!” 

You were inside the kitchen, grabbing all the side plates you bought from the store. Phil could make a mean steak but he wasn’t really sure how to do the side things. Lucky for you, buying chips and various salads was easy. You could give him hefty lifting. 

He walked in through the sliding glass door. 

“I feel like it’s in here,” he grumbled. 

“Then you are welcome to look handsome,” you mumbled, grabbing a couple bowls. He walked around you, opening under the sink. You knew it wasn’t there but you let him look anyway. 

After a very enthusiastic and slow to rise morning, Phil got right into preparing for guests. You had some people around sporadically but never that many. He had basically invited the entire squad over. 

“Did you try the garage?” 

“I did not.” He turned on his heels. He made it barely to the garage door down the hall when he turned back around. He walked back towards you in the kitchen. You raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Yeah?” 

“It’s outside. I just remembered.” 

“Is it under the grill?”

“It’s not under the grill,” he said and walked back through the sliding glass door. You rolled your eyes. You waited a bit, pouring some chips into a bowl. 

“Hey Phil?”

“It’s under the grill.” You nodded slowly. You figured. You grabbed the bowls and brought them outside. The sun had risen high in the sky. A perfect day. Not too hot, not too cold. You put the bowls down on the table and turned to him. He was leaning over the grill. 

The shirt he was wearing was tight around his arms. Your eyes scanned down his arms, following the veins down to his hands. You walked up behind him. He stood up all the way, almost bumping into you. 

“What’re you doin darlin?” he questioned. You wrapped your arms around his waist. He chuckled. Your face was scrunched up into a smile as you put your hand on top of his. You lifted his hand in front of his face. 

“You have such prominent veins,” you whispered, bewildered. 

“Baby,” he breathed. 

You traced down his arm. You placed your chin on his shoulder and leaned your head against his. Your touch was just a mere flutter. He could barely feel it, a tickle on his skin. You smiled cheekily. 

“Never noticed before,” you muttered and moved away. That was the lie to end all lies. You had noticed plenty of times. He groaned when your touch left him completely. 

“You’re gonna be the death of me.”

“If all goes well!” 

There was a knock on the door, raspy and aggressive. He turned on his heels. 

“I got it,” you called, going back into the house. You weaved through the house to the front door. 

Wes was on the other side. A taller member of Phil’s squad, lanky and apparently one of the best sharpshooters of all time. You smiled at the sight of him holding a tin of potato salad. 

“Wes!” 

“Oh if it isn’t lil miss Graves!” He teased. You smiled, moving aside to help him in. 

“Phil’s in the back starting to cook. You should probably go teach him how to do that.” 

“I can’t get a word through to that man, you know it.” You laughed, watching him go. It felt odd to have other people in your perfectly tuned home. It wasn’t bad. Just different. You walked onto the front porch, putting up the sign you had made that read; Come around the house!

You would get tired of walking through the house and you had no interest in letting bugs in through a propped front door. 

-

About an hour later, the backyard was packed. Music had started to play, though you weren’t sure where it was coming from. The grill was surrounded by men, there were discarded beer cans on the patio. 

“I did not say that,” Robbie muttered. He was a large man with tattoos, a beard on his face. 

“You did!” John called. “I thought I was gonna have to call it in but you just told the fucking mafia you were unarmed.”

“I wasn’t unarmed though,” Robbie countered. 

“Yeah no, I know that.” Your laughter melded into theirs. You were sitting with a couple of the guys around an unlit bonfire. “I thought they were gonna shoot you for being dumb.” 

“Wait, this was the Baikal job?” you questioned. 

“I thought it was Petersberg,” Robbie mumbled, lost in thought. 

“It was definitely Baikal,” John argued. 

“Oh yeah, because we were by that lake. I remem...wait, isn't that classified?” Your eyes went wide at the information and you grabbed the beer can off the table. Their eyes floated to you in bewilderment. 

“I coerced him,” you said, trying to salvage it. “Or something. Might’ve been pillowtalk.” 

“Oh God girl,” Robbie muttered. “You’re in for it. They’re gonna kidnap you for information instead of us!” 

“No ones getting kidnapped.” Phil approached behind you, his words floating above everyone else's. He sat down beside you on the porch couch. It smushed you to the side because there was barely enough room for two. You didn’t mind. He had gained a cowboy hat since you saw him last. He put his arm over the wicker back, rubbing circles into your shoulders. He loved to be touching you, especially in a place with a bunch of other guys. He had no qualms about having a woman in the Shadow Company but they tended to not wanna come to extracurricular activities. You couldn’t blame them. 

“Your girl knows about Baikal,” Robbie said. A couple other guys had joined the small circle. Phil grimaced. 

“She’s an honest one isn’t she?” He patted your back. You rolled your eyes. You two hardly had enough chairs for everyone. Wes sat down on the couch arm. “And I definitely remember telling her,” he lied. Everyone chuckled. 

“Oh my God Wes, sit here,” you said, getting up. 

“I am not about to kick a lady out of her seat,” Wes persisted. You were already standing. 

“I’ve got the best seat in the house, don’t worry,” you promised. He gave you a look, hesitantly sliding into the spot you had been sitting in. 

“What’s that?” he questioned. Phil was mid sentence when you sat on his lap. He let out a soft surprised sigh. There were a couple of ‘ooo’s’ from the onlookers but you had known most of them for years and couldn’t care less. Phil put an arm around you to keep you steady. You brought your legs up over the couch side to get comfortable. 

“What were you saying?” you questioned, rejoining the main conversation. 

“I was saying that you like to tell everyone confidential information and it’s a security risk,” he teased. You rolled your eyes. 

“At least she’s cute,” Robbie argued. Phil squeezed his grip on you. 

“Makes everything easy,” he assured his friends. You rolled your eyes. 

“Where’d you get the hat?” you asked. 

“Joey brought it for me. House warming gift.”

“We’ve lived here since June.” 

“And he hasn’t been over since then,” he argued. “What, does it look bad?” You shook your head, a laugh sputtering from your lips. 

“You look handsome.” You grabbed the hat from his head and put it atop yours, leaning into his chest. That earned a couple more ‘ooo’s’ from your onlookers. “What, he does!” you argued. 

“No, not that darlin,” Phil grumbled, though his voice was lighter than he likely intended. 

“Your man there is a cowboy. Believes in all the rules,” John explained. Joey peaked his head out from behind him as you starred with wide confused eyes. 

“There are rules that come with a cowboy hat?” you snorted. 

“If a girl takes a hat from a cowboy and puts it on her own head then…well she has to ride the cowboy,” Joey said. That caused more commotion. Your cheeks flushed but you tried to own it as best you could. You liked being so linked to Phil that it was the source of conversations. He was rubbing your back, hand toying at the hem of your shirt. 

“Oh darn,” you joked. You turned to face Phil completely. “You believe in that bullshit?” 

“Yes ma’am,” he explained. “It’s strict.” Your eyes were locked in a careful intimacy. You could’ve taken him right there. 

“Sounds like we have dessert plans then. I’ve gotta start kicking you boys out early!” Chuckles followed from your words. 

The overlapped conversations continued. You chimed in when you could but mostly you listened. Phil held you safely in his arms, drinking his beer with his free hand. He did most of the talking, making crude jokes about battle and telling stories you only half understood. He didn’t tell you to leave even when you were sure his legs had fallen asleep underneath you. 

The sun set. Someone started the bonfire. The conversation continued. Beers were passed around. Jokes were told. Your eyes started to droop. People started to leave around 11, funneling back to their own homes. 

It was around then you finally stood. 

“Thanks for being my chair,” you said to Phil as you slid off of him. He let out a groan, stretching out his legs. 

“Don’t say I never make sacrifices for you.” You extended your hand to help him up. You pulled him aggressively and he caught himself by grabbing your hips. The reaction was natural. He was so close and he smelled like a bonfire.

“Those steaks were fire boss,” someone said. He let go of you to mingle. 

“It was nice to see you again,” Robbie called towards you. 

“You too. Y’all are welcome anytime. Well, not anytime. Call first.” A gentle, tired chuckle. You walked people to the front door. 

Before you knew it, the house was empty again. Save for Phil, of course. When the last Shadow left you shut the door behind him with triumph, locking it and then turning on the security system beside the door. 

You shuffled out back. Phil was picking up beer cans. 

“I’m exhausted,” he said with a light laugh. 

“Me too,” you admitted. You had gotten tired a half hour ago. “It was nice to see and meet everyone though. I’m glad you’ve got so many good guys looking after you.” You lazily approached him. He tossed the beer cans in the recycle bin and wrapped his arms around you happily. His cowboy hat had returned to his head. 

“They’re good men.” 

“I know,” you hummed. You cupped his face. It was torment being around him so long and not being able to kiss him silly. You took the opportunity now, slipping your lips onto his. He responded sleepily, kissing you like it was breathing. 

“I love you,” he muttered against your lips. 

“I love you too Phil,” you whispered. “We can clean this up tomorrow. I’ve gotta crash soon or else I’ll fall into the fire embers.” He held your hip tighter.

“Not on my watch.”

“I know. Never on your watch.” You made an effort to leave his grip but it just tightened. 

“I like hanging out with them,” he started. His voice was far away. The fatigue had gotten to him which made his words loopier. Could also have been the alcohol. “But I don’t like the way some of em look at you.” 

“They’re all nice to me,” you said, titling your head in confusion. You hadn’t gotten weird vibes all night. 

“Sometimes I catch em staring too long. I don’t like it.” You hummed in response. “Gouge their eyes out then.” 

“For you? Anything.” He kissed you again. You brushed his hair back out of his face. 

“It’s bed time for you baby.” He nodded once. 

“Love you.” 

“Love you too. C’mon.” You looped your arm around his as you started to walk inside.

“That cowboy thing is a rule you know. They weren’t fuckin with you.” 

“I’ll make it up to you when we’re not exhausted.” 

“Promise?”

“Promise.” His low hum sealed the deal. You took the hat off his head as you walked into the bedroom, tossing it onto the dresser. Even as you went to get clothes to sleep in, his hands remained on you. You traced his veins with your thumb. This is what being content feels like, you thought. This. 

[oinkinpigprince]

i am your #1 requester I can STOP IF YOU WANT ME TO OR IM DOING TO MANY 😭 /gen

last one I swear. ok so like Pim x reader but Charlie is like "dude quit kissing your s/o in the office that's weird"

NOT FORCING. you can IGNORE my silly self

Oh silly you don’t understand! I’m actually sending silly little worms to lay on your pillow when you sleep and send you secret messages to come ask me/J :33

More Pim kissing headcanons!!

Pim would love PDA, cuddling, kisses, all the sweet shit. He’s just so happy to see/be with you, and has bad social awareness.

Charlie would absolutely be disgusted of all the fluffy shit he sees you two do. He’s happy for you and Pim but he’d be happier if it wasn’t while he was working

Says shit like “ugh Pim get a room dude.” Or “really, right in front of my salad?”/ref he is not happy

Pim just sheepishly smiles but he doesn’t care and still gives you pecks on the cheek, he doesn’t do it on purpose it Charlie just always happens to be in the break room

Listen, it’s gotten a lot better. When you two started dating you two were so sweet to each other it was sickening, cutest pet names and constant PDA, made Charlie want to vomit

A lot of the office pokes fun at you two, comparing it to a new high school relationship w/ how handsy you two can be.

I feel like at some point you’d have to have an ‘appropriate work place behavior’ meeting, after that you and Pim toned it down a lot

Charlie just had to accept it after a while, this just was a battle he simply wasn’t going to win. At least you two aren’t making out,,,,, in front of him

[alexas-fandom-and-random-blog]

Are there any themes or scenes or literally any small details in Sadistic Tendencies that you really want to gush about?

My own fic? Dude! Technically everything??? Kinda sounds like a cop out of an answer I suppose but really! Couldn’t really pick out one. That’s why I write it, it fills me with dopamine nggg! I practically always gush to myself whenever a scene comes together how I want it to! When the vibes just click, it’s glorious muahahahah! Such an awesome feeling.🥹

Frankly I’ve been more than blessed with other people commenting and picking on what I put out. I’m in awe of some of the meta I get in my writing like…that’s so uplifting! So really, I just tend to gush more about those comments, the jokes and RP’s and enthusiasm and theories people leave and the motherfucking fanart (!?) I somehow got the honor of receiving. Me is sated. Me is happy!

Hmm. I guess I could point out to some little things that kinda got overlooked even though, again, not really, as people still blessed me with picking out on most😊

(SPOILERS)

On Sadistic Tendencies

Ch3: The standout between Moxxie and Striker and having Moxxie bluff while having no more bullets in his empty gun. I love my boy being cunning when least expected. And Striker already going a little bit nuts internally cause he couldn’t catch him was my favorite early obsessive part to write!🤩

Also this part: "What are you fucking assholes doing right in front of my house?!" yelled a shrill female voice from above.

Was kinda meant to be a reference to “Right in front of my salad”? gay sex meme lol

Ch5: Moxxie gets personalized donuts for breakfast for each member of I.M.P. How he hands them over and the separate interactions they have was a fun way for me to portray their different relationships. Also subtle nod on how observant Moxxie can be. I love doing little character scenes like that!

Ch8: Striker and Moxxie technically having their first casual conversation off-screen during a quieter moment of the Extermination and get interrupted by Alastor appearing around the corner. Striker instinctively and immediately getting protective when he hears Moxxie’s alarmed yelp before he even sees what’s the threat. He’s already possessive of him but doesn’t know it fully yet heheheheheh~

Also Moxxie accusing Striker afterwards of hitting on his wife on their first meeting and Striker getting low key offended because hello??? 😆

Ch14: Striker being ruthless with his revenge on Sulfus and he planned on it much earlier when he held onto the blessed bullet. He didn’t just want to kill him. He wanted it to hurt. It’s especially harsh as it is implied that Sulfus is someone who knew him for a while. The theme of Striker being unstable when he feels cheated in any way becomes more apparent here.

Ch 30: Okay this one is definitely not overlooked but you won’t believe how freaking yummy it is to finally write Striker going full blown yandere!!! Yessss!!!

I think I won’t gush about stuff on the sequel “Caught” though cause it’s fairly more recent haha. Especially last chapter. I just updated *wink wink*

This was fun! Thanks a lot for the ask!🥰

(even tho it got me rambling non-stop again whoops haha!)

[novaiisk]

Favorite headcanon for every ghoul! Go!

Every ghoul??? Oh god uhhhh

Ok its not every ghoul but the ones i think about the most ig, and i shouldnt say these are my favorite hcs but they are a few random ones that i decided were fun lol

Check em out below the cut

Sodo: That little mf loves to be weird and ominous and just stand all stoic like in dark hallways sometimes, staring with glowing eyes at whatever poor ghoul happens to be at the other end of the hall. It’s not actually all that scary and most ghouls just wave to him and move along with a chuckle but Aether often gets stopped in his tracks or tries to stare ominously back at him, only for Sodo to flinch towards him like he’s gonna run at him and for Aether to book it outa there holding his hands up.

Bonus: He steams when his emotions are high, literally steams. Steam flows out from his mouth, nose, ears, etc. Its kind of annoying sometimes, but at least it looks cool.

Aether: Big guy gives the best hugs in the entire ministry, some might say that they can even cure you of minor injuries or ailments. He is almost always met with eager open arms, and when he’s not (looking at you sodo) he will wrap them up tight and hold them close with a big ol smile anyway no matter how much they grumble and kick. Even sodo cant hide how great he feels when Aether finally lets him go and sends him on his way.

Bonus: Also killer at massages

Mountain: If he wasn’t constantly tapping out rhythms on any available surface wherever he went, he is very quiet. So quiet that sometimes its a jumpscare when all the sudden you hear a beat begin to be tapped out behind you. It’s honestly impressive how well he can pass unnoticed considering how tall he is but he likes to just listen in. Coincidentally, he knows all the gossip you could ever desire. If you have a secret, its best to bribe him now to never share it because its a good chance he already knows it.

Swiss: He and sodo vape together and set up a lil cozy spot to chill in while they do. Basically a blanket fort that they can hotbox on occasion. They think they are soooo cool lmao. Sodo has given him a few burns because of how much Swiss pokes fun at him, but playful bullying is swiss’ love language so its all in good fun. Also this mf is the biggest flirt ever, he has flirted with every ghoul, every sibling, and honestly every object that humors him. He thinks its fun. Generally just a great ghoul to hang around.

The ghoulettes: i honestly dont know much about them to my great dismay but i think they should all cuddle in a giant fluffy pile. Their cuddle piles are probably the best place to sleep in the ministry. Maybe too good actually, any ghoul who joins them has a very high chance of sleeping for much much longer than they had originally intended to. Often finding themselves overslept for some important task, but nothing beats how you feel when you finally wake up. Not tired like you sometimes do after a long sleep, but entirely refreshed.

Bonus Omega: Dude is a poetry nut but he’s embarrassed about most of the time

Bonus Alpha: Omega3’s biggest hater ( “I mean good for you guys but really? Right in front of my salad?” )

[broodingheroine]

tmagp 9 thoughts

rolling with it........ idk transportation? hair rollers? I'm bad at guessing

pen scribbles :3

ONBOARDING PAPERWORK....... SAM STOP FILLING IT OUT WHAT ARE YOU DOING

refuse to give "it" the satisfaction of giving up. sam don't give it sentience.

IF ITS DELIBERATELY WEIRD DONT FILL IT OUT

negative emotions. no stop.

why zero to seven.

JUST WHY????

okay they're flirting now. not in front of my salad.

sam humming to himself lol

CHESTER

MAGNUS WHAT??????????????? STOP

"STATEMENT" FUCK OFFFFFF

artifact storage moment

haunted game sounds interesting though.

oooooo wait the dice are haunted........

it's giving the card game with death episode of tma

divination dice 👀

SCARS?

turning gambling into a horror story is so creative though.

nah I'd probably roll the dice to be honest with you

oh this dude was on the way to Becoming huh

oh this is definitely like the Death episode of tma

oh fuck not the snake eyes

lol end of that one final destination movie

INTERRUPTION?

DECLARED DEAD??????

first assignment

"I don't watch television" lena ur so hot

hm tv ppl.

TEDDY!!!

back in the crypt lmao

alice jealous moment???

teddy u sneak I love u

alice the lady doth protest too much

BIG FOOTS A GOOD LAY HAHAHAHA

NO. NO DO NOT GO. DO. NOT. GO.

SAM. SAMMMM NOOOOOO.

YOU HEARD A CASE FILE ABT A GUY GETTING HIS EYES PRESUMABLY RIPPED OUT AT THIS PLACE AND I DECIDE YEAHHHHH LETS FUCKING GOO[?????

alice. alice uve been adamantly against any kind of investigation this whole time and now ur just like. sure whatever??

I'm so stressed right now.

I have a bad feeling about allll of this.

so the mention of some big name TV guy is very reminiscent of web statements so I'm a little wary of that

I'm assuming that lena is blackmailing ppl? can't really think of a reason why some tv guy would actually be involved with anything Horrors related considering he'd be in the public eye pretty frequently.

unless he is and it's the guy who burned the hilltop charity shop down and the envelope is another job? but I doubt that

presumably lena is the one handing out "hits" now vs being handed them. maybe "killing" klaus is what got her the position?

I'm lowkey nervous abt teddy reappearing? what if it's true that you can quit but you always get drawn back? teddy is seemingly the only ex employee anyone has any contact with soooo

I LOVED the case file today. dice are cool as shit. wish I could remember the episode title of the tma ep with the card game to become death but alas.

also hey! even more evidence that fr3-d1 is listening instead of just recording. computer has sentience let's gooooo.

I don't want sam to go to the institute but also I really hope next ep we get to see the institute.

sam filling out the paperwork presumably for no reason 🤨 he's being compelled 🤨

overall I'm STRESSED right now

how are we doing folks

[shyphonics]

Salad Days Chapter 3: When I was born, my mama cried, and picked me up with gloves.

(babypunk!Rodrick Heffley x reader)

part one | part two | part four

I wanna be stereotyped

I wanna be classified

I wanna be a clone

I want a suburban home

Suburban home

Rodrick wakes unusually early, 8 AM, still feeling weird. The rest of the band are still asleep. He grabs a beer from the fridge because, fuck it, nobody can tell him not to.

Getting shows is harder than he’d expected. He’s nervous, but he has to keep up a front, for the sake of the band. If he tells them he’s worried that they’ll never get a show, they might just give up. He can’t let on that there’s any negativity in his mind. He has to be a fearless leader. This has to work. This is their life now. It’s gonna be fucking amazing.

There are seven missed calls from home on his cell phone, and he decides to ignore them a little while longer. He doesn’t feel like talking to his parents, he knows they’d just be disappointed in him. He'd just have to hear about so-and-so from down the street who just got into law school. Or medical school. Or whatever the fuck kind of school.

No matter what he does, he knows he's a failure in their eyes.

Rodrick hadn't had any interest in higher education. He'd figured he didn't need it for the kind of life he was after. No matter how much his parents had guilted him.

He'd felt maybe a teeny, tiny bit guilty when everyone around him got their college acceptance letters. People started cliquing up based on which schools they'd gotten into and everything.

I hope we're dorm mates!

Are you taking psych 101?

Wow, you got a full scholarship?

Fuck off.

At one point, his dad had even caved and said, you can major in music theory!

And what, Frank? Show up to venues all like, here’s my degree! My masters in drums! Give me a show, please?

Yeah, right.

At least he'd had the rest of the band. Through everything, they'd always been on the same page. Always plotting a way out.

He takes a deep chug of his beer and pops his laptop open. He checks The Strike's website, and notices a radio feed in the top corner.

A nasally man's voice comes through his headphones. He's mid-rant, "-because they didn't understand us. And they never have, and they never will. My parents thought I was the devil. My dad loved The Eagles. I hated The Eagles with every fiber of my being. If I could say one thing to my father- and Glenn Frey- right now, it'd be: suck it. Punk never dies."

Rodrick suppresses a laugh as a song starts. He's pretty sure he recognizes it, and the words are really resonating with how he's felt since he left home.

Clicking through The Strike’s event calendar, he almost does a spit take. Friday night. They’ve got a show.

Suck it, Frank and Susan!

“Wake up, fuckers!” he yells, causing bodies to stir around the living room.

“Dude, shut up.” Ben groans from the couch.

“You shut up! We have a show! In 2 days!”

That does the trick, and everyone is up and shouting in celebration, drowning out their downstairs neighbor hitting the ceiling with a broomstick.

His email blinks with a new message:

Let’s see what you got, diaper boy.

~

Gettin’ high with your friends

On the basketball court

Sunglasses on when you sleep

Yeah, that's a sport

They're absolutely decked out. Denim, leather, patches, and studs as far as the eye can see.

You recognize Rodrick from your post at the bar, dressed like an aging member of a hair metal band, desperately clinging to his youth. He’s fumbling with his ID and a pair of dark sunglasses while Jimbo, the bouncer, impatiently crosses his arms. The rest of his band, you assume, make it through easier.

“The show’s in two days! What are you doing here?” you shout, drying a glass with a rag.

They look like a child biker gang, hopped up on sugar.

“Making ourselves known!” one of the others replies. He’s got a high pompadour, and a leather jacket that is entirely too small for him. You chuckle as they all take a seat.

“What’re you havin’?” You toss the rag over your shoulder and meet Rodrick’s eyes.

“Beer?” He says, unsure.

“Type?”

“Uh. Cheap? Cheapest, please.”

“Natty Light. Two bucks. Plus tip.” You wink, rooting around in the fridge under the bar.

“Tip? You got it out of the fridge.” Rodrick raises an eyebrow.

“And I opened it,” you pop the beer open, setting it down hard to make your point.

“Okay, okay. Uh, what’s a tip on that?” He looks panicked, digging in his wallet.

“I’m fucking with you. It’s a two dollar beer.”

He sheepishly hands you three singles, and you tuck the third into your bra. You hate to say it, you really do, but he’s kinda cute. All dressed up to drink shitty beer with his friends. He’s got a nice nose, despite the visible break, and enough eyeliner on to join a family of raccoons. It suits him.

He takes a sip and flinches, “This is awful.”

“If you hadn’t said cheap-est, you woulda had more options!” You laugh.

The rest of the guys order a round of PBRs, a four dollar option, and well whiskey shots.

“Ooh! Classy,” you mockingly fan yourself, “What fine young gentlemen.”

“Hey, how come it’s empty in here?” One of them asks.

“It is…” you check the clock behind the bar, “four pm.”

They stare at you.

“Broad daylight.” You deadpan, setting four shot glasses down on the bar.

The Strike is an old building, all chipped red paint and rickety metal. Rodrick’s eyes linger on a giant sculpture of a flaming match above the bar. Posters from their heyday line the walls: Agent Orange, Circle Jerks, Violent Femmes, Adolescents. There’s a weird song playing; the chord progression seems all out of whack, and from what Rodrick can tell, the singer is chanting suicide, suicide.

“What song is this?”

“You don’t know? it’s your favorite,” you tease, smirking at him.

He’s got nothing. You figured.

“Dead Kennedys, ‘Straight A’s.’ Come on, man. It’s a good one, too. Sixteen on the honor roll, I wish that I was dead. That was me!”

“Whoa. What? What happened?” One of the others asks. He’s got flat ironed blonde hair and big hipster glasses, and his mouth is hanging open.

“Well,” you tilt your head, “Let’s just say my hair and eyebrows have fully grown back, and my parents don’t know my whereabouts. The punks took me in, and I never looked back.”

“What do you mean they took you in?” The one with the shaved head looks at you with genuine concern.

“Okay, so like, this is a bar. People play here. People also play empty buildings, and shitty old houses.”

They’re hanging on your every word.

“I used to run the doors for house shows, collect the five bucks or whatever, stop fights, and then I could sleep in the houses. Then they started paying me, I met my band, I met Mike… and now I’m here!”

You pose, attempting to look successful.

“That’s really cool, but also, like, sad. You don’t talk to your parents?” One of them asks, eyes glittering.

“Don’t need ‘em.” You try to smile reassuringly. You hadn’t meant to bring the vibe down, but hey, they’d asked.

Rodrick’s eyes are fixed on you. His expression is strange. You decide to break the tension.

“You gonna drink that, baby boy?” You tap your fingernail next to his shot.

He looks up at you, lips trembling like they’re trying to form words. His friends are cackling.

“Uh, y-yeah, totally.”

Oh. He’s never taken a shot. None of them have, you realize, as you look down the line and see full glasses.

“C’mon, losers! Take ‘em down! What are you here for?” You holler, channeling your best drill sargent, “I’ll do it with you, fuck it!”

You pour yourself a shot of shit whiskey, raising it in the air, “Let’s go!”

They mirror you and raise their glasses.

“Here’s to Big Rod and The Diapers!”

Gulp. You look around. They’re all puckering their lips and tearing up. You have a brief moment of recovery as well.

You exhale heavily, “Yeah, that’s what happens when you get well liquor. Does a body wrong.”

They laugh, still groaning.

You turn the music up from the big stereo behind the bar, and the guys are all chatting amongst themselves. They seem to be having a great time, and you’re prepping the back of the bar for the small crowd about to pour in at five.

The whiskey hits Rodrick’s head, and he feels pretty goddamn proud of himself. This place is awesome. They have a show here. He fishes his phone out of his pocket and decides he's finally going to call home. Hearing your story had made him actually miss his mom. Maybe she’d even be proud of him.

“I'll be right back,”

His friends wave him off, and he heads into a doorway where the bathrooms are. He dials the number and sighs heavily, shaking off his nerves.

“Hello?”

“Hey, uh, hey mom,”

“Rodrick! Oh, thank goodness, did you change your mind? Are you coming home? We can start applying to colleges again, and…”

“What? No, I… I got a show! At a real venue.”

“Oh.” She sounds disappointed, “Are you getting paid?”

“Wh- I don't know! It's in two days. I'll let you know. Nice to know you're still so supportive, though.”

“I'm just worried about you.”

Rodrick frowns, refusing to speak.

“Do you want me to put dad on?”

“No,” Rodrick scoffs, “tell Greg I say hi.”

He hangs up, standing there, sulking for a moment. Why the hell was he expecting anything different? Don’t need ‘em.

He hears a commotion towards the front of the bar. He peeks around the corner, and sees the bouncer restraining a short, stout guy with a shitty little mustache.

“Lemme go, Jimbo!” he struggles.

“Tony! We told you not to come back here!” You march around to the front of the bar and put your hands on your hips.

“What did I even do?”

“You got broken glass and blood all over the dance floor! You know who had to clean it up?” You're right up in his face, taunting him.

Tony is part of a small group who only come to shows to beat the daylights out of each other. They're sweet when you get to know them, but reckless, and horrible for the bar ecosystem. Last Saturday had been hardcore night, and Tony and his buddies had managed to turn a very respectful pit into an absolute bloodbath.

He's still squirming. The bouncer has him in a full Nelson at this point, he's not doing himself any favors.

“I had to clean up your fucking blood, asshole! That's a health hazard!” You land a light flick on his nose and he grumbles. It's probably broken, and you feel just a little bad. “Not cool!”

Jimbo carries him outside like a child and dumps him on the curb. Rodrick is slowly creeping to the front of the bar, eyes wide. He's cautious, but part of him can't help but think how cool you are.

“Dont come back! Remember what I said, I can put the Hell's Angels on your ass in a second!" The bouncer’s voice booms.

The rest of the band notice Rodrick’s presence and they share a frightened look. This is getting serious.

Jimbo shuts the door and laughs. He's a huge man, mountain-like even. He's got long hair with a beard to match, adorned with rings, like a viking. His laugh does not match how scary he is. He sounds like Santa Claus.

You're laughing too. Jimbo is the perfect bouncer; strong and intimidating, but a total softie underneath. He's the honorary uncle of everyone at The Strike.

“You're a Hell's Angel?!” Ben pipes up, shocked.

“Nah,” Jimbo chuckles, “I just have a beard and a bike. Little fuckers like Tony scare easy, though."

Rodrick feels his heart hurt a little less as everyone around him laughs. He could get used to this. It feels like being in a weird little family.

“Oh boy,” you say quietly, hearing the familiar sound of fuck, fuck, fuck! coming down the stairs. It's Mike.

“What’s goin’ on, Mike?” you ask, grabbing a glass and filling it with seltzer water, topping it with a lime.

“Fuckin, booze delivery Saturday, show Friday! Spring break! Fuckin… frat boys!" His voice is high and nasally. Rodrick immediately recognizes his voice from the radio show earlier.

He chugs the water in one go, and slams it on the counter.

“Mike, we got plenty. All the bottles are at least half full, and the walk-in has, like, fifteen cases of beer.” You say, refilling his glass.

“Frat. Boys.” He repeats, running a hand through his tall, silver hair.

Rodrick grimaces. He really, really hopes none of those frat boys will be from back home.

“Isn't this a punk bar, though?” Ward asks.

Mike moves his head like a meerkat to look at Ward, squinting through his Buddy Holly glasses.

“Who are you? And they don't care! They'll go anywhere there's noise and booze!”

“Alright. Focus. Ideas, solutions,” you try to recenter your neurotic boss.

“They said we could come get it, but that delivery’s not gonna fit in a goddamn ‘94 Corolla.”

Ben leans back from the bar and looks at Rodrick, raising his eyebrows. Rodrick gets it, and smiles back, pointing at Ben.

“We have a van!”

Mike whips around to look at Rodrick.

“Who are you?”

“We’re Löded Diper, uh, sir?” he cringes at his own words.

“Ew. Don’t do that.”

“I don’t know why I did,” Rodrick’s eye twitches, “but we’ll totally get your booze.”

Mike gives him a suspicious glare, then ducks behind the bar to grab a notepad. He scribbles furiously and waves Rodrick over to show him the paper.

“That’s where you go. That’s who you talk to. That’s our order. Be there at 11 AM tomorrow, get it here by 1.”

“We’ve totally got it!” Chris shouts from the bar, making Mike jump.

“Don’t fuck me over!” Mike turns to point at Chris, then makes his way back up the stairs.

You look at Rodrick, mouthing nice! and giving him a thumbs up. He nods, giving you a big grin. It’s the first real smile you’ve seen from him, and it gives you a little flutter in your chest.

Pretty cute.

~

Hold my head, make me warm

Tell me I am loved

Give me hope, let me cry

Make me feel

Give me touch

The guys are all passed out for the night. Rodrick finds the radio feed from earlier and puts his headphones in, laying back on the couch. This time, the host is different.

"This is 98.7, your last independent radio option in a hundred mile radius." A calm, warm voice greets his ears, and he has a pang of recognition.

Is that...?

"I've been thinking about this song a lot today," the host says, "this one's for whoever needs to hear it."

Brain death. Mind death. School damage! Straight A's!

Rodrick sits up. Holy shit. It is you!

He closes his eyes and lets the song take him over. For how dark the lyrics are, it's oddly comforting. Today had really made him feel less alone.

Life isn't just bullshit for him- he'd known that, of course- but now he knows it. He's seen it. He's not a disgrace for going after his dreams.

He's finally in a place where that's not such a crazy idea.

If you're okay, if four other bands are okay... he's gonna be okay. He doesn't need anyone's approval. Fuck 'em.

He lays back as the song ends and another begins, a sense of relief washing over him. Eventually, he falls asleep to the sound of your smooth radio voice mixed with crunchy, old punk demos.

Everything is gonna be okay.

He knows it.

[evandarya]

This is my entry into the BatPham Disney AU summer event!

Shaytan Alhufra

The Hunchback of Notre Dame AU

[Read on Ao3]

Day 1

(Death/Resurrection)

“Mom and Dad are out this weekend, and Jazz is planning on spending the whole time at the library, if you guys want to come over,” Danny said conversationally one day over the lunch table as he stirred the gravy into what passed for mashed potatoes.

“Can’t.” Sam stabbed a cucumber slice out of her salad angrily. “My mom is taking me dress shopping for some party over the summer.”

“Me, either, dude,” Tucker said, struggling to open his milk carton. “Lex Corp is unveiling a new prototype drone and I want to watch the live demonstration. Last time something caught on fire, it was awesome.”

“Oh, okay.” Danny squashed his disappointment and fear. He really didn’t want to be alone in the house right now. Not with the empty hole in the wall in the basement. His parents said the portal didn’t work, that it might never work if they couldn’t figure out what was going on with it, but that didn’t stop the feeling that something was lurking in the darkness, beckoning to him. “Maybe I can come over and watch it with you?”

“Yeah, that sounds like fun,” Tucker said, giving up on his mangled milk carton. Sam took it with a sigh and opened it easily and handed it back to him. “You boys have fun. I’m going to try to negotiate for only one petticoat this time.”

“Ew, people still wear those?” Tucker asked, recoiling from her with a grimace.

“No, and I don’t know why Mom insists I do.”

Danny couldn’t stop himself from laughing at his friends' dual looks of disgust. This weekend would be fine. He would be fine.

***

Danny unlocked the front door to the empty house and let himself in. It was dark, but enough light was filtering in through the living room windows that he didn’t feel the need to turn on a light. He locked the door behind himself and made his way to the kitchen. Tucker’s family was great. They never treated him any differently for what his parents did for a living and avoided the subject since they knew it made him uncomfortable. His parents studied ghosts, something that can’t even be proven. How did they expect him to make friends when he was the but of all the other kid’s jokes on career day?

Danny sighed and filled a glass with water from the sink. Even the city water was safer to drink than the pitcher in the fridge, stored next to ectoplasm samples, because why would they put a fridge in the lab when they have a perfectly good one in the kitchen? Mr. Foley had cooked dinner, spaghetti, and meatballs with garlic bread and salad, and Danny was always thankful for a dinner he didn’t have to kill a second time. He finished his water and put the glass in the almost full dishwasher. He should run it, but he didn’t know if Jazz would eat when she came home, so he left it. He could run it in the morning either way.

Right now he wanted to go to bed and sleep while his parents were out and the constant noise from the lab was at an all-time low. It was never really quiet in the lab, with too many machines whirring and beeping with ongoing experiments, too much electricity surging through the wires, but without his parents tinkering and exclamations of discovery or disappointment it was almost eerie how quiet it was. Danny walked quickly past the basement door and headed up the stairs to his room. He made it about halfway when he heard it. There was a skittering. Something was moving around in the lab. A mouse? He hoped not. He saw what ectoplasm did to hotdogs, he did not want to see what it did to a mouse. He opened the basement door on silent hinges and padded his way down the stairs. He didn’t dare turn on a light in case he scared the mouse away. He crept across the lab, eyes on the edges and corners of the room where he knew mice liked to hide. He didn’t see anything, but it was pretty dark.

He heard it again, the quiet almost non-existent whisper of tiny feet on metal from behind him. He turned, dread pooling in his stomach, toward what he knew was behind him. The empty void of the broken portal. Its metal jaws stretched seven feet in each direction, but it felt much bigger than that. Cables and wires hung from the walls and spilled from its open end like the tongue of some great beast. Someone could mistake it for dead, but Danny felt in his gut that it was sleeping. The beast was sleeping and a mouse was running around in its mouth. He didn’t know what it was that made him take a step forward, to enter that great maw. Some stupidity or bravery took hold of him and he placed one foot into the void. Then the other. Then one more step and his foot caught on a loose cable.

You hear, sometimes, of how people in extreme situations say the world slowed down around them. He and Jazz had watched a documentary about it, once. The doctors they had talked to said it had something to do with the adrenaline and your body’s reaction to sudden stress. It had never really come up again. He was so rarely in life-threatening situations. But as soon as his foot caught on the cable and he started tipping forward he saw everything. His hands shot up on their own accord, he saw the button, grey like the surrounding metal, and felt it hit his palm and depress. He heard the beast around him wake up and shudder to life. A ball of green fire built in the depths of its throat and sparked along the metal, raced up his arm and across his chest. He saw it all before the pain registered. He barely had time to scream before everything went green and then faded to black.

***

Ra’s Al Ghul walked into the chamber like he owned the world. In essence, he did. He owned the world and ruled it from the shadows, the same way he had been doing for centuries. He was rarely surprised anymore, and when something did happen to surprise him he often took interest in it. He circled the pool of Lazarus water, his underlings bowing their heads in deference or fear, he didn’t care which. Something was happening that he had never seen before. The pool was bubbling, almost like it was boiling, except the temperature hadn’t changed. A dark vapor poured off the surface and gathered and swirled around the roof of the chamber. It hung there like a cloud threatening a storm.

Suddenly he saw something in the water, something pale white floating up to the surface.

“Everyone out,” He said quietly. He needn’t shout, everyone obeyed him without question. Soon he was alone in the room watching whatever it was slowly make its way to the surface. It took several minutes and several more slow circles of the pool for the body to emerge. Ra’s carefully pulled the body from the water and laid it down on the cool stone. It was a boy, young, maybe mid-teens, with pale skin tinged blue and hair as white as fresh snow. The clothes he had been wearing, a simple t-shirt and blue jeans, were in tatters, burned away and barely hanging on. Ra’s checked the boy’s neck for a pulse. He didn’t find one, instead, he found a green mark like lightning branching up his neck and face, and disappearing under the collar of his ruined shirt. Ra’s pulled the garment off and it practically disintegrated in his hands. The lighting stretched across the boy’s chest and down his left arm, ending in a nasty-looking burn on his palm that oozed a vibrant green fluid.

“Pit demon.” he spat, standing up quickly and taking a few steps back. He had heard of them and read about them in texts. How they had come out of the pits and wreaked havoc on whoever was unfortunate enough to be near. How they bled a green more vibrant than anything that occurred in nature, even the pits paled in comparison. Ra’s had half a mind to separate its head from its body and bury them in separate parts of the world before it woke up and started causing problems. But then it stirred and choked, sitting up quickly and vomiting Lazarus water onto the stone floors. Its arms shook as it held itself up. Then it stood up, rising on unsteady feet that quickly left the ground. It’s arms flailed in wide circles and it wobbled in the air. It was like it had never flown before like it was a baby. A cruel smile found its way onto Ra’s face. The Lazarus pits had given him a baby pit demon, and he had an idea of how it could be of use to him.

He was even kind enough to bestow upon it a name: Shaytan Alhufra, Demon of the Pit.