#like did i send that camera? did i steal her dye? did i forget the yogurt?????

[lilgynt]

my mom keeps losing her own stuff - blames me like yelling screaming saying she can’t believe i did this and then finds it in ten minutes or less.

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

In Sorrow and In Joy- Part 7: Human

Luke learns the hard way what it means to be a dad and how to keep his family safe and together. Dad!Luke with a South Asian Reader. This is a collaborative experience with A Family of Five.

CW: Over the course of this series, themes of racism and prejudice on the basis of religion are present. Please read or skip as necessary.

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No one has my permission to repost my work of fiction. This includes translations as well. 

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Zeek and Noor are adamant about a bike ride. Zahra prefers to get her nails done. Luke had hoped to send more time together as a family on his day off. But unfortunately there’s not enough hours in the day to do both together. You agree to take Zahra to a nail salon close to the hotel. Luke grabs some bikes with the twins and they agree on a path around time. Hopefully by the time you two are done, they’ll be at the frozen yogurt place everyone agreed to meet at. Helmets acquired, Luke wrangles the kids, kissing you on the cheek. 

“Have fun. Be safe,” you chime, watching them shuffle out the hotel door. 

Noor walks directly beside Luke, smiling as they walk down the hallways of the hotel. “How’s the comic coming along?” Luke asks Zeek, nodding for him to catch up. 

Zeek sighs a little. “Alright, I guess.” It’s not going anywhere really. He’s stuck. It’s mainly inspiration. He doesn’t feel inspired enough to take his character. He goes to so many places, but honestly none of those intrigued him. He could make his character the typical superhero who saves everyone but not himself. But that feels tired and making the hero the villain in the end seems obvious too. Not as obvious as the first option, however, it feels unoriginal to Zeek. But he can’t seem to find the thing that makes his character accessible. 

“Just alright?” Luke asks. “What’s going on?”

“I just think I need to clear my head for a little bit, you know?”

Luke nods, looking down at his son. Placing his hand on Zeek’s back, Luke prays that the bike ride will help. Noor takes his other hand as they descend down the elevator. The sudden dropping sensation still catches her off guard. He gives her small hand a squeeze, smiling down at her furrowed brow. The second they step out of the hotel, Luke can hear the click of cameras. He tucks both kids into his side. They know this drill unfortunately. Both keep their faces buried in the cloth of his t-shirt. 

With a stern glance to the papz, Luke manages to keep them far enough at bay. It’s moments like this that Luke wished he wasn’t famous. Not even for his sake, but for the sake of his family. Every little thing they do automatically becomes a news headline. They breathe the wrong way and it’s blasted across tabloids and blogs. He wishes for his kids to have normalcy, a childhood they don’t have to recover from. Though he might have fucked that up just a little with Zahra. But he’s trying. At the end of the day, no matter what mistakes Luke makes, he tries his damnedest to give them a normal life. If only the fucking paps would politely be on the same page as him. 

Far from the paps, and flashes, Luke let’s them pick out whatever bike they want from the rental shop. “Daddy, can we ride that one together?” Noor asks, pointing up high to a baby blue tandem bike. 

“Of course, sweetheart.” Luke has the worker pull that one down and then tries to find Zeek. It shouldn’t be that hard to do since the shop is practically empty besides them. But it still takes a moment to find the red flames on Zeek’s helmet. 

Luke walks over, Noor in toe. “So let me guess,” he starts, looking at the two bikes in front of him. Luke rubs a hand over the beard. “You’re gonna go with the black one. Because the red doesn’t quite match the red in your helmet.”

Zeek grins. “Or maybe I could go with the red one just because you said something.”

A chuckle falls from Luke’s lips. “You’re just saying that because I was right. So which one is it? Prove your old man wrong, huh?”

Zeek looks back to the bikes. His dad is right. The red doesn’t quite match the color of his helmet. But does he really want to prove his dad right? Zeek looks between them before spotting something gold. He looks up to see an employee setting out a new bike. He grins, pointing it out. “That one.”

As Luke settles his gaze onto the bike, he grins a little. Of course, Zeek would. “Alright,” he nods, “that one it is then.”

The three of them hop onto their bikes. Luke takes a selfie while Zeek takes a moment to get balanced. “Say cheese,” Luke warns, barely giving the boy enough time to look up.

“Take another one!” Zeek demands horrified at how dumb his face looks. 

“I like that one. But I’ll take a spare one,” he angles the phone up again. Noor pokes her head out from behind Luke. Zeek is able to smile this time. Luke sends it to you, even though you may not see it for a while. He knows you’ll still gush over it the second your nails are dry and free to use. 

The wind starts to blow over their faces as they gain some speed. Noor pedals as hard as she can to keep up with Luke, but as they travel, she gets distracted by the numerous brightly colored shop displays. Zeek keeps up the pace. He’s less intrigued by the stores and finds himself thinking up scenarios for the people who walk around them. What time did they wake up? What do they eat for breakfast, if they eat at all? He wonders what they’re childhood was like. Did they ever break an arm falling out of a tree? 

One woman sits waiting for the bus. Zeek imagines she works in some sort of office building by the gray dress pants. Not the boss, unfortunately, but one day she’ll take over. She works hard. Maybe she’s an architect. Yeah, that fits her. She designs skyscrapers; she’s working on the tallest building ever right now. Her boss will love the design, but try to steal it as his own. So she quits and starts her own company. Soon it becomes the number one architecture business in the world and her old boss comes crawling back in need of any sort of work. She could easily turn him away, or give him a job scrubbing toilets. But she can’t, she’s too nice. She’ll give him an entry level position. She’ll advance him as she sees fit. She will kill him with kindness. 

“Dad,” Noor starts, “look.” She points to a candy shop they’re approaching. “Can we stop for candy?”

“Sure thing. Only something small though,” he warns before crossing the street and turning left down the block towards the shop. Right next door is a comic book shop. As they unload off the bikes Zeek hovers outside the door. 

“Can I go in Dad?”

“Once Noor picks her candy out, you can head over.” It’s fair, so Zeek lingers behind them. 

Noor looks with awe at all the large displays. She points out a giant ring pop, laughing. “It’s small, right?.”

Luke chuckles. “That is most definitely not small at all.”

“You’re no fun,” she teases. 

“Daddy is tons of fun!”

Zeek laughs. “Yeah for your age, you’re tons of fun. Just not after 9 pm.”

Luke whips around, mouth agape and the start of a snort catching in his throat. “Oh, someone’s got the sass today.” Zeek laughs, shrugging his shoulders. “Well, I was going to grab you a reese’s but I guess now I’ll put it back,” he jokes with a huff. Luke starts towards the chocolate display, orange wrapper in hand. 

“I’ll trade the reese’s for a comic anyway,” Zeek offers.

“Cherry or grape?” Noor asks, looking to her brother. She’s holding up two blowpops. 

“Both. One for now. One for later.”

She huffs. “Why do I ever ask you?”

Wrapping her in a hug, Zeek chuckles. “Because you love me.”

She wraps her hands around his forearms, a return gesture to his hug. “Unfortunately.” She eventually settles on the grape, though Luke argues for cherry. The red will still be noticeable on her tongue, but far less than the purple dye. He can’t say no to her pout though. They’ll have to figure out a way out of your rage when that bridge arises. Luke can already hear the lecture you’re going to give him about how they were already getting frozen yogurt before even having dinner. He can already see the huff pushing out from your shoulders. 

The door to the comic book store chimes again. Zeek looks up from the copy he’s holding to see Noor and Luke walking in. “Heads up,” Luke calls out, holding up the reese’s. Luke tosses it and Zeek manages to catch it one handed. 

“Thanks, Dad.”

“You’re welcome. See anything cool?”

Zeek holds up the comic he’s reading. “Newest edition.”

Luke nods, looking through the comics. The only ones he truly recognizes and can follow along with are things like Captain America, Deadpool, and Batman, the mainstream ones really. But Zeek takes a particular interests in the ones from Dark Horse. So Luke tries to keep up with them, though they do sometimes become lost on him. Luke still listens to Zeek explain all the actions sequences, the plot lines. He watches with a smile as Zeek comes alive, talking, the smile that takes over his boy’s face, the way he talks with his hands. The pure excitement and rush of being listening too. 

“Hey, you see that one?” Luke points out with a cover he hasn’t seen in Zeek’s collection. A tribal leader of sorts, the headgear is faded out and made of something Luke can’t quite see from here. 

“I’m reading that series with a friend. He’s a couple issues behind and it’s his turn to get the copy,” Zeek answers. 

“Let me know if it’s good? It looks interesting.”

With a nod, Zeek watches as his dad looks over more titles. He knows his dad isn’t into this, comics and drawing aren’t what get his dad out of bed in the morning. It’s normally an alarm, or the need to write or play music. And yet in still, he puts in so much effort. Was he afraid that touring somehow made Zeek forget how much love was there? Was his father afraid that Zeek would be angry? What was it? Not that Zeek minded, but he knew something was propelling his father. 

As the set back on the bike around the city, after purchasing two new comics, Zeek watches his father. He tries to pull to the surface what the reason for this. The traveling didn’t make Zeek upset. He liked it actually, he liked seeing new places. He liked getting things in the mail from different countries from Luke. He liked seeing his dad happy. He could never be angry about that. Yes it hurt to always feel like his father was so far, but it was days like this when Zeek could join him on the road and steal small moments together that made that distance a little easier to bare. 

They return the bike rentals, pulling off helmets. Noor quickly reaches for the bag in Luke’s shoulder to grab the hair brush. One of the few times the girl actually cares about her hair. The walk to the frozen yogurt place is short from here, thankfully. 

Zahra flashes her orange nails in line. “Very pretty,” Luke gushes, titling her hand in the light. 

“I couldn’t convince Mum out of her color,” Ra laughs with a roll of her eyes. 

“There is nothing wrong with the color I choose,” you defend.

“But you always choose it; always the same nude pink with a brown tint.”

Luke pulls you in for a kiss. “It’s a nice color, as always,” he grins, tucking some hair behind your ear. Noor wraps herself around your legs, wanting in on the hug as well. Ra sighs, but smiles. She likes this, her family complete, like it was always meant to be. 

Zeek watches on, happy, but still unsure of what his father fears. All gathered onto a bench outside, it doesn’t take long until spoons are scraping the bottom of paper cups. “Should we head back?” you ask.

Luke goes to nod, but Zeek cuts him off. “Can I talk to you, Dad? Go to the park maybe?”

“Of course, bud.” You and the girls head back to the hotel room. Luke remains seated, gazing on at Zeek. “What’s going on?”

Even though the sun is blazing and the beams are blinding him, Zeek stares out in front of him. His face scrunched up and eyes centimeters from closing, he gazes on into the horizon. “I’m stuck with the writing.”

“How can I help?”

“I need to make him more human. And I was just thinking about how you’re so invested in all our hobbies and interests. It’s great, but it made me think, something scares you. Like, more than just the normal parent things. You know? Something happened and it made you really scared.”

Luke hangs his head a little. His boy was always observant, always watching. A small piece of Luke’s hair falls into his face. With a sigh, he lifts his head, Zeek’s gaze zeroed in on him. “I made some mistakes, Zeek. I’m not perfect.”

“No one is.”

With a sad chuckle, Luke nods. “Yeah, that’s true. But I really messed up. I married your Mum twice,” Luke starts. He goes to clarify that the married twice isn’t wholy correct. He married once, divorced and then they got back together. But you weren’t for a second marriage. The legality of it all was pointless to be fair. Besides, Luke knew there was some fear. What if things went to shit a second time? What if there had to be divorce papers again? No one wanted to deal with lawyers, and child support, and dividing assets a second time. So the two of them left it alone the second time.

“What?” the question falls softly from Zeek’s lips, barely enough breathe to get it out. What was his dad talking about? What did he mean married her twice?

“We got married really young and had Zahra. But I wasn’t ready for a kid. I was out drinking, partying. I was never home. Your mother was raising two kids when she should’ve had a husband. We got a divorce. She couldn’t handle it and I wasn’t even mad at her. I went to counseling, still do. It’s not that we stopped loving or having love for each other, but she couldn’t take me back until I got myself together. And I didn’t want to get back together until then. The pictures we have are from the second time. I was ready then.”

Luke looks to Zeek, grabbing his son’s hand. “I make a conscious effort to be so invested because I wasn’t there for nearly a year of Zahra’s as much as I would’ve liked to be. She still remembers what it was like to have me so close, but so far away from her. I have tried to make that up to her. I have tried to fix those scars. Ultimately, there’s not much I can do to reverse what I did. But the future, I can always do better in the future. I can be there for her when she paints her nails and has debates. I can be there for you and your comics. I can be there for Noor when she wants to run lines. I can be right there in the future. I may only be human, but I’m a human with a beautiful wife, three amazing kids, and a big future.”

Zeek slides into Luke, wrapping his arms around his torso. This is what terrifies his father, making the same mistake twice, not learning from his mistakes, from falling back into whatever man he was before. “I love you, Dad.” 

Gently rustling the black strands, Luke smiles and kisses the top of Zeek’s hand. “I love you. Dad tries. I’m not perfect, but I try my hardest.”

“I know. I can see it.”

“Still wanna go to the park?”

“No, I got an idea for my comic now.” 

Right as Luke calls for dinner, pizza being the order of the day because a debate over food was sure to ensue if the planning kept going on any longer, Zeek rushes out from the bedroom of the suite, tablet in hand. Luke cradles his phone into his ear using his shoulder and takes the drawing tablet. “Okay, thank you,” Luke says concluding the phone call. 

Zeek takes the cellphone and ends the call, hovering close by as Luke slides through the panels. It’s a monologue of the character, after coming home from a mission. Most of the panels are black and shadowing, but depicts him removing the superhero costume. “I’m human, not in a physical sense, but in a mental sense. Hearing screams still make my heart jump. I wake up every morning terrified. Terrified of failing, terrified for that one person I can’t save. I am terrified. I am human. I am terrified of becoming human,” reads the last panel. 

Luke pauses and look up to his boy, smiling. Tears are still to collect on his lower lashline. “Keep going, Dad.”

A hard sniffle echoes throughout the room and Luke swipes to the left. ‘For Dad--it’s okay to be human.”

Luke slides the tablet to the cushion next to him, before dropping to his knees. Zeek doesn’t resist the hug his father pulls him in for; instead, he wraps his arms tightly around. “Thank you, Zeek,” Luke whispers, rocking the boy’s frame side to side. 

___ The radio blasts inside the car. Luke’s settled into the driverseat, the majority of his hair pulled into a bun. Some is left out, hanging in front of his face. You reach out and twirl the loose strands. “Need a haircut, babe.”

Luke fakes on offended sound. “Are you saying that you don’t like it long? That’s not what you said last night.”

“Gross!” Ra shouts from the back seat. Zeek snickers, pulling out his phone. Luke’s laughter fills the car. It’s his last day off and a trip downtown was in order before dropping you guys down at the airport, which was your current destination. 

As the heat creeps up your cheeks, Luke turns up the volume on the radio. He reaches out for your knee, giving it a squeeze. “C’mon, we’re how old now? You’re still not blushing are you?” he teases. 

Zeek records from the back as his dad’s start singing along. Ra huffs from beside him, attempting to get their dad to stop. “This is a car, Dad. Not your concert,” she laughs as he starts doing a poor shoulder shimmy. Zeek turns to the camera to Noor who’s copying the dance way better. She grins at the camera. 

Zeek taps for the selfie mode. “This is it. This is what my family is like. Tickets on sale now.”

Another loud laugh from Luke bounces around in the car. “It’s not that bad is it, Zeek?” he asks, glancing into the rearview mirror. 

“No,” he smiles. “It’s not. I just like poking fun.”

Pulled in front of the airport gates, Luke helps unload the bags from the trunk. It’s not a lot, only a three day trip for you all. But still he insists of pulling each of the backpacks out of the trunk. He slides Noor’s bag on and kisses the top of her head, the first to fly out of her seat. “Love you, Daddy! I’ll send pictures of me in my costume!”

“I’ll be looking forward to it, pumpkin. Sorry again, I can’t fly in time for your play.”

“It’s okay. We can record, so I’ll send you that.”

He grins. “I’ll be sure someone films my reactions, so it’ll be like I was right there.”

She kisses his cheek, stepping out of the way. Zahra grabs her backpack from Luke’s hand, kissing his cheek. “Love you. Try not to fall on stage again,” she laughs. 

“No promises. Love you.” 

Zeek motions for you to go next. So Luke hands over your bags, kissing your lips repeatedly, a series of pecks, dramatically adding the ‘mwah’ sound at the end of each one. It earns a fake gag from Ra. Noor just coos. Finally, is it Zeek’s turn. Luke hands over the gray and black backpack. Zeek unzips it pulling out a stack of paper. Luke takes them, noticing it’s the comic. “I want you to have the first copy. I printed it out at the hotel with Mum’s help.”

The grin is watery, Luke knows by how his lip quivers a little and his vision blurs. His chest squeezes. The first copy, Luke looks back down to his hand. The gray, white and black cover art, the shadow of a man, sitting in the middle of a room, a mess scattered about him of clothes and cigarette buds. Zeek’s art skills are impeccable. But Luke knows what’s on that last page. The last page that reminds him of how okay it is to not be okay sometimes. How okay it is not to be perfect. How okay it is to make mistakes. How okay it is to be human. 

“I’m proud of you, bud. You know?” Luke whispers, voice thick with the tears that haven’t quite fallen yet down his cheek. 

“I know, Dad.”

“Thank you. I’m humbled to have the first copy.” They share a long embrace. Luke watches the four of you travel through the glass sliding doors. He watches until your shadows disappear from sight. Settled back into the car, Luke flips to the last page again. His phone buzzes with a message from Zeek. It’s the video he took on the drive over. Luke smiles, replying with a question. 

__

After the show, Luke scrolls through his phone, clicking out of the Instagram app to twitter. His mentions are a mess as always but the majority are about the sticker, “It’s okay to be human.”. Luke asked Zeek to send him a digital copy of the last page to him. He then found a printing shop nearby that made stickers. He got one made to go on his guitar of the dedication. One user gushes how sweet the gesture is.

Luke writes a reply. I need a reminder sometimes. And I think others do. I’m proud of my bud.