#like come on. let's take a long look at ourselves. at each other. and acknowledge the truth.

[greenerteacups]

For me, personally, the canon ships of HP and canon ships of Avatar the Last Airbender (Sokka and Suki excluded) were the major (fandom related) disappointments of my youth 😂😭

I'm willing to bet a substantial amount of money that the Venn diagram of people who like Dramione and people who approve of Katara's canonical partner is a pair of circles located on opposite sides of the planet.

[manofbeskar]

Okay, I am interested in your Dracule Uta posts now. (She's just so cute and I just know he embroidered that flower on her onesie!!) I need to know more!!

I don't have too much details yet but this is what I have for now:

While Shanks finds her in a treasure chest after raiding another crew, Mihawk instead finds her after killing some marines and discovering her on their ship, eating a devil fruit. He figures the Marines probably don't have good intentions for her so he takes her with him.

For the first few days/weeks, he tries to find another home for her. He thinks his life as a marine hunter and lone pirate is too dangerous to care for an infant. A bit of a Buddy Daddies thing in that way, that he's too dangerous to be around and frankly doesn't want the responsibility.

When he finds out which devil fruit she ate (still the Sing-Sing fruit), he realises he can't risk her falling into the hands of someone more corrupt who can manipulate her powers. He decides to go all in and try his best to raise her properly.

He goes to Shanks for help. He himself never had good parents, but he knows Shanks had a good relationship with Roger and his crew also has older men who may have advice to offer. He gets closer to the RHP this way, learning from them how to best care for a baby.

Shanks grows close to Uta. He likes that her hair makes her look like his and Mihawk's baby. He also treats her like she is their kid, always accidentally calls himself her father. Uta also thinks of him like that. Similar to Buddy Daddies again, Mihawk and Shanks both acknowledge they have parental roles in her life but, at this point in time, don't view themselves as romantic co-parents.

(Of course, they have feelings for each other but Mihawk is oblivious to his feelings and Shanks is secretly crushing hard. He loves how good Mihawk is with the kid and how hard he's trying)

Shanks likes to bribe Uta with sweets to talk him up to Mihawk. Always backfires on him because she's way too frank about it (learned that from Mihawk). She'll just say shit like, "Mihawk, Shanks told me he wants to kiss you!" and it embarrasses Shanks every time.

Uta loves being carried by Mihawk. He carries and controls Yoru so easily. Even teen Uta is practically weightless in his arms. It reminds her of when he first found her and rocked her in his arms as they rode his boat back to his home.

Uta sees Mihawk and Shanks's feelings for each other grow over the years until on her 12th birthday she told them to get a grip and go out already. They went out and have been together ever since.

Mihawk and Shanks figured out a co-parenting arrangement a few years before Shanks docked at Windmill Village. Mihawk thinks it will be good for Uta to go sailing with Shanks every once in a while as his experiences sailing with him have always ended with fun stories and meeting new people.

Mihawk wants Uta to get out there and appreciate the world's vastness. He often takes her sailing (if she isn't sailing with Shanks) and shows her all his favourite spots. Sometimes Shanks comes along and tells her stories of "that time me and Mihawk came here ourselves and this really cool thing happened"

Mihawk let Shanks take Uta for longer than before when he docked at Windmill Village as he wanted Uta to make long-term friends that weren't twice her age like himself and the RHP, so she still meets Luffy. While he is a loner, he wants Uta to experience everything and meet people from all walks of life so she can figure out exactly who she wants to be.

Mihawk trained her to be a strong swordswoman since young. She's very skilled with the blade but told him she wanted to be a singer. Mihawk supports her preference and is happy to listen to all her new songs. As he strived to be the greatest swordsman when he was young, he now wants to help Uta become the greatest musician. He tunes in for every broadcast she does and makes sure the RHP catches them too. Uta still cares a lot about her swordsmanship and practices it often to stay sharp.

She carried a bamboo sword as a kid, then got Shanks's old one with the red hilt as a hand-me-down when she was 15. For her 18th birthday, Mihawk had a Yoru-inspired blade crafted for her. She named it "Musica". It looks similar to Yoru but the orbs are red and heart-shaped, the blade isn't black, and it's shorter.

She lives at Kuraigana with Mihawk but splits her time between there and wherever Shanks is. When Perona moved in, they became close friends. Perona loves hearing about her Mihawk stories. She also regularly duels with Zoro when he moves in, insists he doesn't stand a chance against Mihawk if he can't even beat his first student.

Uta's favourite colour is teal because it's the colour Yoru's blade shines.

Her eyes have rings as Mihawk also taught her powerful observation haki (I don't know if the rings are directly relevant to that but I like how the rings look on her)

[blueesnow]

Otori Eiichi's Birthday (Year 1) Voicelines Translation.

-You can look at it again on the Event Log, Mini-Event section (for the other boys messages to him) and Talk section (for a one-on-one conversation with you and him) in Idol Page.

-Also the translations might not be fully accurate since I'm not that fluent on jp/en, so if i ever made a mistake do correct me🙏

<You (Player)> Eiichi: Thank you for the celebration. To think that you're right here with me the moment I take a new step in my life. Talk about a luxurious day indeed, it's very good! Eiichi: However, they do say that being satisfied makes one even more greedy. I won't let you go home so easily for today…you don't mind, do you?

<Otoya> Otoya: Happy Birthday! I'm sure that being a leader is a lot of hard work, but I wish you all the best, so good luck! Eiichi: Thank you for your honest support. When it comes to all of the hard work that it takes to reach the heaven, regardless of how much it keeps piling up is even more endearing.

<Masato> Masato: I wish you a Happy Birthday. I hope we can continue building a relationship as a good rival from now on. Eiichi: Why, of course. Sometimes we'd compete with each other, and sometimes we'd also help each other out, let's go and strive to the top together.

<Natsuki> Natsuki: Happy Birthday. I want to sing a lot of various songs together with you. I want to get to know you more~! Eiichi: Sure. I actually do have high respect for your musicality sense. Rather than wait for a right time, why don't we just get started right away right now!

<Tokiya> Tokiya: Happy Birthday. I honestly believe that the way how you conveyed your expressions through your song is really amazing. Eiichi: My mission is to give my love to the Angels and to always give them the best song as possible. As long as it can get across, then I'm more than happy to do it.

<Ren> Ren: Happy Birthday! The way you whisper your love to your fans on stage was very passionate. Seeing that made me feels like I also won't lose to you too either. Eiichi: No matter how much I express my passion, my feelings will never run dry and always keep overflowing. I'm sure it's also the same case with you too.

<Syo> Syo: Happy Birthday! Even looking at it from an outsider perspective, I often think that it's so amazing how you handle your group really well. Eiichi: ST☆RISH and us have different origins and ways of being as a group. I'm sure we each have our own merits.

<Cecil> Cecil: Happy Birthday. To think that there's a pair of siblings in the same group really made me jealous. Somehow it looks very heartwarming. Eiichi: A deep emotional connection are born from working together toward the same dream. And I'm sure you already knew that too.

<Reiji> Reiji: Happy Birthday♪ Actually I often go for a drive too. Shall we go and have a talk about our hobbies☆ Eiichi: About that, I don't think we can talk enough about it no matter how much time we have. Why don't I go and make a plan so we can go together someday?

<Ranmaru> Ranmaru: So I heard it's your birthday today. I do admit that I acknowledge your music. If you're asking for a small talk then I'm sorry to break it to you, but if it's about music then I'm all ears. Eiichi: What are you talking about, aren't we already close friends? No matter if it's about music or even outside of that, let's have the time to ourselves and talk to each other, shall we!

<Ai> Ai: Happy Birthday. If I'm not mistaken your hobby is car racing, right. I must admit that I do have a slight interest in car too in terms of its mechanical aspect. Eiichi: In a competitions that compete for speed, technology do play a very high role for it. I'm sure you'll like it too!

<Camus> Camus: Since it's your birthday, I hope you have a relaxing day for today. I'm sure it must be quite hard for you to handle and coordinate a large group of people. Eiichi: I appreciate your concern. But we are the best of the best group. There's no such a thing as a hardship!

<Kira> Kira: Happy…Birthday. Even as an individual…or as an idol. I really admire and respect…both of your appearances. Eiichi: These words came from none other than Kira. It truly makes me happy. It's also because of Kira's strong will and heart that supports us all.

<Nagi> Nagi: Happy Birthday☆ We all know that Eiichi has a strong leadership skills, but don't forget that Nagi is also a genius too, okay♪ Eiichi: Of course, those astounding quick thinking of yours that you show in all sorts of situations is indeed impressive. I'll also be counting on you a lot too, Nagi.

<Eiji> Eiji: Happy Birthday, Nii-san. I may not be very reliable yet, but I'll promise that I'll try to do my best to be of more help to you. Eiichi: You have actually helped me a lot, even more than you ever think. I'm happy to see how much you've grown. Thank you.

<Van> Van: Happy Birthday! On a day like this, isn't it fine for you to just relax and rely a bit on us, don't you think? Eiichi: Any more than that sounds more like a punishment. I know very much how you care a lot about us, Van.

<Yamato> Yamato: Happy Birthday! Once you decide to do something, you go all out with it. I'm glad that I'm here together with you. Eiichi: Thank you for the birthday wish. I also consider myself to be very lucky to have such a passionate man like Yamato as our teammate.

<Shion> Shion: Happy Birthday. In order to repay you for all of the kindness that you have shown me, please let us celebrate this in a grand celebration… Eiichi: Thank you for the birthday wish. Just that feeling of yours is more than enough to make me happy. Let's continue to sing together as HE★VENS from now on.

[nathanbatemanfucker]

ALEX HIIIII!!!!!!!! i saw ‘aaron hotchner x reader’ in your tags and i RAN here 🤭🤭🤭💞

okay so what about #10-“Let me call you mine, just for tonight.” 😩🦋🦋 with aaron <3333

thank you ilysm!!!!!!!!!!

Instead

prompt: #10 “let me call you mine, just for tonight.”

pairing: gn!reader x aaron hotchner

contents: implied sexual content, angst, exes in love, hope for the future

wc: 1.1k (listen it got out of hand)

an: i hope you enjoy this my sweet fay, despite it being angst i had a really fun time writing it. perhaps im slowly returning to this man 🤭 love youuuu bb <33

summer blurbs prompts + masterlist | cm masterlist

You’ve always reminded yourself there was the possibility of seeing him when you come back home. You’ve prepared; there is nothing to say, nothing to change. Going your separate ways once the two of you had graduated from undergrad just made sense. Living states upon states from each other, working insane hours— the two of you were never going to fit together the way you did those few years. And while it hurt, neither of you wanted to hold the other back.

Your relationship was based in choice and fire and tenderness. How the bicker of back and forth turned into something soft, something sweet and erotic. You’d never been able to find the flame that sparked when you were with him with anyone else, so you’d given up.

It takes 10 years. You’d gone almost 10 years without seeing him— you come home for Thanksgiving and Christmas respectively, sometimes even the 4th of July. Aaron Hotchner never comes home. Until he does.

He says words that you never expected— words some part of you buried deep down has always wanted to hear.

“Let me call you mine, just for tonight.”

You shouldn’t even be here. He shouldn’t even be here. You’ve avoided this for so long and all it took was once for you to end up here. For you to say yes to him. Over and over you’d said yes, because what else could you say?

He’s always been your weakness. You’d agreed to coffee when you saw him in the grocery store. Said yes to dinner at coffee despite the awkward tension between you. Said yes again to coming back to his hotel room despite the tan line from his removed wedding band.

When those words— let me call you mine, just for tonight— spill from his mouth as you two stand in his hotel room, you can acknowledge that this is the perfect time to say no.

Still, you can’t bring yourself to say it. Instead you say, “We’ve done this before, Aaron. Why hurt ourselves?”

The words have hardly left your mouth before he’s answering. “Because I haven’t stopped thinking about you since you left.”

“I didn’t leave, we came to an agreement,” You grit out, arms crossed against your chest defensively. “We wanted different things, coasts apart.”

He puts his hands up in surrender, “I’m not blaming you.”

“That’s what it feels like. And you never fought for me— I posed the idea and you just went with it.”

His mouth presses into a thin line, brow furrowing in confusion, “Was I supposed to know that I was meant to fight? I always respected you and your autonomy.”

You know that he’s right. Choice and fire and tenderness.

Your shoulders drop as all the stubbornness in you disappears. You can’t look at him. “I don’t want to fight, Aaron, please. I don’t have the heart for it.

He steps forward— that’s all that’s left between the two of you after this little tiff, a single step. His hands, warm and calloused, rise to cup your face, lifting your gaze to his own.

“I know, you never have, have you, honey?” He asks gently, not a single drop of malice or condescension. “We get worked up just to fizzle out. I’m sorry, I am. But, I don’t know if I can let you walk out the door like this.”

You have to close your eyes before you drown in him. In his deep brown eyes, in his strong pine cologne that surrounds you. It’s too late, you’re sure of that when he angles your jaw further and you feel the ghost of his breath on your lips. And while it took so much strength to look away, it takes none to press your lips to his.

For a while that’s all either of you do— kiss and explore the way you’ve changed. His mouth feels the same, his tongue deep and searching but his skin is different, his beard is gone, his shoulders are firmer. He feels how you’ve become softer, how your mouth might taste even sweeter.

You pull away once your lungs burn and not a moment sooner. It could end here, you could keep all those promises you’ve made to yourself and walk away from him. Nothing and everything has changed. Once again you think that you should do the right thing to save you both. But instead, you sit on the couch and pat the spot beside you.

You and Aaron truly talk for the first time since seeing each other in that grocery store. You tell him about your loneliness. He tells you about his, about the horror and gore that accompanies it. You bring him close and kiss him until he’s dizzy, until you’re in a vacuum where none of that exists. Just the two of you.

Eventually, he guides you to the bed with respectful eyes, eyes that say this is your call. You make it, pulling him in for another kiss by the collar of his polo.

In the quiet darkness of the night, he touches you like you never left him. He kisses every inch of your skin, and reintroduces you to a level of pleasure that left with him.

And when you wake in the morning, you’re warm— almost too warm. But, you aren’t quite ready to move and accept the reality that dawn brings. You’re losing him all over again. There’s a familiar stiffness in your bones, a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that takes you back to that cool May morning.

Rising out of bed, slowly and carefully, is one of the hardest things you’ve ever done. Not because you haven’t snuck out of bed before, leaving a one night stand or two wondering about what they did wrong. But, because Aaron’s always been it for you. Because you’re leaving the warmest bed you’ve ever known.

Dressing quietly, you press a parting kiss to his forehead, so light that you feel like a ghost. Maybe that’s what you are, a ghost in Aaron’s life the way he’s one in yours.

When Aaron wakes, he feels the chill left in your absence. He knew what he was getting himself into; he’d only asked for a night, hadn’t he?

That chill stays with him as he gets ready. But, when he reaches for his wallet, a small bit of paper falls out. He bends to pick it up, and smiles— written on the paper are familiar digits. Ones he’d deleted from his phone long ago, ones he’s been trying to forget until now.

He thinks for a moment that he should throw it away, spare you both the back and forth for something that might crumble all over again. Instead, he opens his phone, saving your number once more. His chest thaws a bit at the potential of more.

[tcclsblog]

Reflections on Enlightenment and the Way

"Many of the past masters have tried to explain enlightenment. But, like climbing to a summit, it is an individual experience. Why try to explain the inexplicable phenomena of enlightenment?"

Let's say a person wants to climb to the top of a mountain to experience what it will be like up there. The way up is challenging, but he is determined and gets started. The mountain is high, and so the uphill climb takes a very long time. He encounters many people on their way down, and he asks each of them to tell him about their experiences. He wants to know what they saw and what methods they used to reach the top successfully. Everybody answers his questions, but they give him a different account. He continues, but after talking with that many people, he concludes that he knows what is up there. Perhaps he doesn't need to go up anymore. So he gives up and does not continue his journey.

In much the same way, in seeking enlightenment, there are no set answers to your questions. Enlightenment is a journey where you will come to understand the meaning of your own life, which is not going to be the same for everybody. It is essential to recognize that not giving up is a part of the practice toward enlightenment. There will undoubtedly be obstacles that will stop us in our tracks toward our awakening. And that is why no one can tell you that there is only one answer to this question.

We practice dharma so that we can create a perfect habit. The daily prayers and recitations may sometimes be boring for us, but it was the same for all of the masters who have accomplished it. Through their efforts, they have given us the perfect recipe. Once you become a master, it doesn't mean that you will understand all of the ingredients, but you will know how to use them. To bring out the best of anything, one needs to understand it's nature, which takes experience. There are different methods of study, and there are other experiential methods.

People change, and even we change continuously throughout our lives. We each have different natures, and we have to accept that. We have to experience our quirks, our impatience, and our judgments, so we know what we need to tune-up. We need to be like a sieve to sieve ourselves to see what's inside and clear it out. That is why meditation, self-acknowledgment, and self-love are so important. With this, we can look to find the kind of love that has no hidden agendas, the type of pure love that comes from the Buddhas.  

In conclusion, you must keep going with your practices, on this journey, without seeking to be influenced by the experiences others have had. Your destination might be the same, but the changes effected in reaching there will be unique to you.

  Dharma Teaching by Singha Rinpoche and Edited by Sandeep Nath

1 November 2020

[ask-serendipity-sky]

Story time- Making Music

Gather around the bonfire, it's story time, (not just because because I want to inform you all about my life, this has a purpose for reals lol).

Anyways, let's get it...

When I was a wee teenager, I decided to join the church's band with other teenage people. I was around 17ish.

Now, this church was insanely conservative and insane, in general, and dating was prohibited and if you dated anyone, people would watch you like a hawk and make up rumors, and try to break you until you repented.

(I know...this place was toxic but I went because my parents took me and I didn't know any better.)

So as time went on, I began spending a lot of time with guitar boy....

Guitar boy had hair the color of gold, played soccer, and he had a six-pack.

We clicked right away. We had chemistry. Our voices were complementary. Like puzzle pieces. Our instruments blended together.

I thought he was the funniest person I'd ever met.

I felt all butterflies in my brain. Even the sky had a prettier shade of blue.

I would see him practically everyday and I couldn't get enough.

We liked each other bad.

And this was all while having eyes on us at all times.

So to escape those eyes, we began doing duets. Just me and him practicing for hours and hours. Hiding behind the excuse that we needed to practice so we could spend time together and be able to be ourselves without anyone judging. We would use any excuse to work together.

Christmas? Say no more, we can put some songs together.

New Year's? We got you covered.

Birthday? We can get you some music for that.

We spent so much time together that it was inevitable.

We fell in love.

We had no label for a while because it was all scary and that way if they asked if we were in a relationship, we could easily say no.

But it was thrilling.

Since we couldn't openly hug, kiss, or hold hands in public, we would sit next to each other.

We would hold each others pinky fingers because we thought that didn't look as suspicious lol

He would come to me so he could tune his guitar and lightly brush my hand when I was giving him the key to tune to.

We would sneak out of our houses and take a blanket to the park so we could watch the sky. We had a list of promises to each other about the future. We knew each other's deepest secrets.

All of this went on for a long while...and no one found out until years later.

After doing well on a song, we would glance at each other. It wasn't just to let each other know we did well on the song, but to transmit our feelings to each other.

People thought that it was just us acknowledging that we had done a good job, but it was more than that. It was magic and love and all those pretty things.

So when I see Jikook, I think "Yeah, it's exactly like that."

Anyone who has fallen for a band mate and for some reason couldn't be in a relationship with them will understand. And they will see it immediately when they see Jimin and Jungkook interact.

There is something about making music with the person you love. It's unexplainable.

Music becomes the axis your relationship gyrates upon.

For guitar boy and me, it was permitted because we were just making music, it's not like we were making love.

But here is the catch, for a musician, those two concepts are pretty much the same thing.

[thana-topsy]

I got one - Malthyr and Ambarys of the New Gnisis Cornerclub. #49, I think, but necessity as in "I need you/we need each other because life kinda sucks here and if it weren't for you/us I think we'd lose ourselves".

Okay, I still have some of these prompts still sitting in my inbox and I hate seeing them waste away, especially fun prompts like this. So I'm gonna attempt to use these as writing warm-ups before getting into meatier WIPs. So one smooch, coming right up!

--

Ambarys x Malthyr “A kiss out of necessity.”

“Alright, out you go sera, easy does it.” 

Ambarys busied himself scrubbing down the bar, watching out of the corner of his eye as Malthyr escorted the final patron of the night to the front door. It was well past the witching hour. The mer should have been cut off long ago, but they couldn’t afford to turn down any coin, even if it meant watching his people drink themselves sick. Sour guilt pulled at Ambarys’s stomach and he threw the soiled cleaning rag into the nearby pail with a sigh. And who could blame them, in this wretched city?

“Poor sod,” Malthyr muttered, locking the door behind the mer and pulling down the heavy wooden bar. 

“It’s not our place to babysit them,” Amabrys grumbled. 

“Never said anything about babysittin’ nobody.” Malthyr wiped his nose roughly against his sleeve before beginning to upturn the chairs onto the tables. “Just hate to see ‘em like that sometimes.”

“It’s a corner club, Mal. Comes with the territory.” 

Malthyr let out a frustrated growl, waving a hand in Ambarys’s direction. “Don’t preach to me, you prattling old scrib.” 

Ambarys barked a laugh, then rolled up his sleeves before starting in on the pile of dirty dishes. 

An hour later the New Gnisis was as clean as it ever was; floor swept, tables cleared, dishes washed, glasses dried. Malthyr returned the broom and dustpan to the corner as Ambarys poured them each a finger of shein. They clinked their glasses together without a word, knocking them back in silence as well, each hissing at the burn of the liquor. Ambarys poured them a second, then made his way around to the patron side. He leaned his back against the bar, letting his arm brush against Malthyr’s. 

“This month’s taxes are gonna put us in the red if we aren’t careful,” Ambarys mused. “Was thinking about trying to run a special. Sell off some of the less popular drink for cheap. It’s just gathering dust as is.”

Malthyr grunted in response.

“All these new bloods who’ve never even set foot in Morrowind drink that Nordic swill over the imports. Makes me wonder why I even bother having the stuff shipped in.” 

Another nonverbal acknowledgement. 

“You’re great for conversation.”

“I’m tired, damn you.”

Ambarys let his head roll from side to side, cracking his neck, then attempted to weasel his way beneath Malthyr’s arm where he leaned against the bar. “Hey, c’mon…”

“Annoying swit,” Malthyr grumbled, but lifted his arm and pulled Ambarys against him, taking a swig of shein with his other hand.

Ambarys settled with his back against the bar once again, one arm looped around Malthyr’s waist as he let his eyes go unfocused looking over Malthyr’s shoulder. He felt Malthyr’s thumb trace the muscle of his lower back, heard him exhale as he tipped forward and pressed his forehead against Ambarys’s shoulder.

“Let’s get some sleep, hey Mal?” Ambarys suggested, voice pitched low. 

“Sure,” Malthyr said, little more than a sigh. As he moved to stand, Ambarys tightened his grip around his waist and pulled him in for a kiss. Days old stubble scraped against his chin; the taste of shein and the smell of sweat and spice. It was brief, but Malthyr melted if only for a moment. Then they stacked their glasses to wash in the morning, extinguished the candles, and made their way upstairs.   

[zulufic]

ooh. any director's cut notes on je me souviens? i know that's an older one, so no pressure if you don't have much to say, but it's one of the very best in the fandom imo. thanks!

OMG I am so sorry I let this linger a zillion years! Thank you so much, it's one of my favourite stories as well.

It has been a long time so let me think…

I know at the time I was on a real fandom kick. The story came together nicely because structurally it's one of my favourite things: rewriting an episode to suit my pairing. I was doing that a lot at the time, I had an ambition once of rewriting each season 3 episode in a way that would divert the inevitable tragedy and fix things by making them Buffy/Faith: mostly, making them communicate. Ski Trip was this for Amends, and Gingersnap was this for Gingerbread; Walkabout and Smitten also come from this era.

Now amnesia has always been one of my favourite tropes for several reasons. First, because you can decide to what extent memory shapes character. How much of the characters we know is caused by their experiences, and how far can we 'rewind' them using amnesia; as opposed to, how much of them is formed at some deeper, unconscious level, below the surface of memory? I love exploring these things!

Plus of course add on the body switch. How much is action determined by physicality: by hormones, by muscle memory, by those lingering PTSD symptoms that are ingrained at the level of the body rather than the level of thought?

Now this very much sets the "conscious self" in opposition/binary to the "unconscious self" and I have no idea if any of that makes sense in "real life" or in terms of but at the level of *story*? Man I eat that shit up! So it's 'magical amnesia' in that sense: it follows the rules I decide on, for the purposes of ultimately bringing my ship together!

In this case, that means that Faith doesn't wake up and immediately want revenge. She's cautious, she's patient. And that thoroughly knocks Buffy off whatever high horse she generally prefers to ride. It forces communication because Faith literally does not know what happened. And that communication, by extension, forces Buffy to think about and acknowledge her role in the divide between them. So Buffy has to be responsible to her past self, and so does Faith, so the issue of *time* comes into it as well, and also *forgiveness*. Forgiveness of others and of ourselves...that requires memory. We can't forgive what we don't remember.

Anyway, plus the hotness of the bodyswitch, can't forget that. The description of looking at yourself and being turned on by yourself but also by...yourself...well, you see what I mean. I couldn't let that opportunity pass me by.

I don't really remember much of the writing *process* or what I was thinking because that was a while ago, but I remember that I was fully absorbed in the fandom and the characters at the time, writing in every spare minute--rather like these days with ALOTO. So I think that's a sort of hyperfixation that takes over sometimes, and I know by now to ride the wave as long as it lasts, and not to get too discouraged when it inevitably fades. A new fandom will come along.

[sayhelloanimalfriends]

i saw my dude @sodom-hussein (hi i like your blog so much it is good and so fun and keeps me scrolling) RB this post that was like “I compared today to 1930s germany and the results aren’t good”

and then OP proceeds to just make a bunch of very vague and unmeasurable statements like

‘we are about to die horribly in concentration camps because

antisemitism is increasing

LGBT discrimination is increasing

ableism is increasing

indigenous people are continually threatened etc etc’

The post doesn’t have any facts or information to back any of these claims as true, but it doesn’t need it. because it’s using the same kind of rhetoric that Fox News uses with its users. Fox News doesn’t have to prove something is true if it *feels* true.

and firstly if you go find the post and compare it to my wording of that first statement, you’ll see that i’m sensationalizing a little bit

and secondly, i have love for OP and i have love Sodom-hussein both because i am confident they only want to inform with the goal of changing our world for the better.

BUT I believe that these kinds of posts are not helpful, and while my wording was sensationalizing it wasn’t doing so all that much because of what the post is implying. The post’s intent it seems is to strike fear and terror into the hearts of those most vulnerable in society.

So if you are still reading I would like to use a bit of bad news to maybe ease the fears that many of us are having about the state of our world. Let me explain:

There exists a theory of social organization called Social Dominance Theory which was constructed by Jim Sidanius (oh my god i just found out he died in 2021 ☹️ what a legend) and Felicia Pratto. These two psychologists took behavioral sciences and combined them with historical record of societal hegemony to explain why and how humans seem to organize our societies unfairly.

I won’t go into the minutiae of the theory, but my main point of bringing it into this conversation is that according to their writings, when humans define categories on which to base discrimination (such as race, sexual orientation, cultural/religious identity, etc) these categories remain as subjugated for VERY VERY long periods of time.

This part is the bad news but stay with me.

What i mean to say is that as a gay man, I will probably always be discriminated against in our society. That is just the way these things seem to play out. Now, within my particular place in society things may improve or worsen. But there isn’t really any realistic hope of full liberation. And apparently, also according to social dominance theory, even if gay people WERE to be liberated, a new arbitrary category of discrimination would just take its place.

So how can we use this information to cope with our world?

Well the reality is that you may need time to grieve this truth. But once you are done grieving, you can look at our world and realize that nothing is changing. Everything is staying the exact same.

Just yesterday youtuber Matt Baume released a video about Ellen coming out on TV and it was literally all the same shit as what we’re hearing now. Conservatives feigning disgust and fear for what it means to acknowledge the existence of lesbians. Censorship. Blah blah blah. That was 25 years ago but it could easily be today.

So when you are able to accept that society has fixed you at a disadvantage that is permanent, you are more immune to the kind of brain-numbing effects of fear and terror.

And that’s what I really want you all to do.

I want you to Think Critically. I want you to Think Clearly. And when you’re scared shitless you can’t think at your max capacity.

Because yeah I mean shit is scary. But panicking isn’t going to help anyone. It’s just going to ruin your mood and make it harder for us to organize.

We’ve been dealt a shit hand. But we’ve got each other. We’re not alone. And we’re smart! We can figure out how to protect each other and ourselves. We are resilient. There’s no reason to be terrified. There is every reason to be brave. Bravery, courage, determination. These will help us more than fear in the days to come.

Anyway check out social dominance theory it’s really cool. RIP Jim Sidanius. Your work changed my life man.

[ts-wicked-wonders]

Why do we celebrate the winter solstice?

Let’s start with the science. The Winter Solstice is the point of the year at which the path of the sun in the sky is farthest south. Here in the Northern Hemisphere this occurs in December, between the 20th to the 23rd of the month. The sun travels the shortest path across the sky giving us the shortest day of the year with the least sunlight and subsequently, the longest night.

The hushed darkness of winter is at its deepest on the solstice, yet for thousands of years it has been celebrated as a promise of the brighter days ahead. The winter solstice is a tipping point, a moment of stillness when the balance of the seasonal scales will once again begin to tilt towards the light. Since long, long ago humans have been aware of this tipping point and celebrated the long night as a marker of new life and warmth returning.

These days we may find that Christmas celebrations become the focus of our attention around this time, there is usually so much to do and little time to rest when we find ourselves preparing for family visits, buying gifts and tackling the mighty food shop! But there is so much internal gold to be mined at this midwinter point, so much connection and grounding to be found in this quiet seasonal milestone, I think it’s well worth carving out some time for each year, if we can.

How to celebrate the Winter Solstice

3 simple ways to honour the shortest day

1. Light up the longest night

“In the Druidic tradition the name of this festival is “Alban Arthan”, Welsh for “Light of Winter”. According to an older and more poetic interpretation, the name is “Alban Arthuan”, meaning “Light of Arthur”. In this poetical image, Arthur is symbolized by the Sun. The Sun dies and is reborn, just as the mythical Arthur is sleeping deep inside a mountain and will wake up again when the people need his help.” Www.druidry.org

Of course I would choose candlelight for number one! Even the small act of striking a match and lighting a wick can be easily turned into a mindful ritual, an action which provides a minute of clarity within a busy day and one which takes us back to the present moment, even in a house full of noise, chaos and kids running wild!

Bringing light to the dark is a simple yet powerful acknowledgment of the seasonal shift and an invitation to take some time to consider what the winter solstice means and how we are feeling at this point in the year. Candles are symbolic of the returning of the light and have been used for many centuries past to focus our attention and create a sacred space.

Lighting a fire in the grate, or a bonfire in the garden is also a traditional way to mark this day. The ancient Norse would burn a Yule log in their celebration of the return of the sun at winter solstice. “Yule” came from the Norse word hweol, meaning wheel. This practice of burning a Yule log can also be found in many other countries and in the Pagan, Wiccan and Druid traditions too.

2. Reflect on the year gone by

The solstice and equinox points give us quarter milestones in the year to reflect and reset. This has been a year of huge upheaval, emotion and uncertainty so I know I am likely not alone in needing a little time to consider what this past year has changed in me and how I might use that knowledge in the next chapter ahead.

Winter is a time for stories, a time for hopes and dreams birthed from the darkness and given time to stretch and grow before they see the light of day. What story do you want to see come to life next year?

Journaling is a wonderful way to get down some of these thoughts and reflections on the winter solstice. Remember that journaling doesn’t have to look like pages and pages of thoughtful verse – you can choose to jot down a few key words which sum up your feelings, or if you are more visual person sketch out a spider diagram or mind map which pulls out your perceptions of what has passed and your hopes for what might be – use whatever method works for you.

“There is a reason why some of our most enduring holidays of mysticism occur during the cold months. Winter is a time when unseen energies steps forth out of the fog— when the above-ground world goes back to the roots and the hidden mysteries of spirit can bloom.” Asia Suler – One Willow Apothecaries

3. Find nourishment in your favourite winter comforts

Brew up your favourite seasonal tea or make a hot chocolate with the works. Find something which warms your body and feels like a small luxury and take it to a quiet part of the house, or over to your favourite window. Sit down and take the time to savour it. Letting our bodies be still and allowing our minds to wander doesn’t always feel easy, there is a temptation to constantly fill ourselves up with scrolling, doing chores, working, cleaning – anything to keep our minds occupied.

But the stillness of the winter solstice, and the call of the winter season in general, is an invitation to let ourselves drift. So try to give yourself a little time to do just that.

“Pause here. You are deep in the heart of the darkest nights. The world is hushed: The trees are dwelling in their roots, and the earth’s small creatures have gone to ground. Turn inward and listen to the stories of your deepest self.”- Maia Toll

http://www.Tswickedwonders.com

[shark-myths]

1/2 Hi hello I have a...Headcanon? Fic prompt? Grand unifying Mania to smfs tryst theory theory? Anyway it's this: There was some sort of 'fuck it lets just try again' decision around mania era and it was good! It was working out! And then there was covid and lockdowns and everyone had to make some really tough choices re: who we say irl and when and how often and that led to some real 'well maybe were fooling ourselves when we thought we could have it all this can't really work we did miss our-

2/2 -shot' ergo the smfs lyrical lean of 'I love you so much but this maybe really isn't our time'/ mixed in with all the other very project-written-during-covid ~vibes~ (which I love). But anyway there's a lot of time that can and did (if they started in 2021?) pass between writing lyrics and releasing music and working on the album after all that isolating introspection led right back to 'fuck it lets just be together life is short' hence The Way They're Acting now. *shrugs* idk

*

Love this, love you, thanks for the conspiracy ask!

we know from this kerrang interview and a few other casual mentions, like in patrick's album commentary from the release parties (still haven't listened to that myself but @leyley09 is an excellent on-the-scene reporter) that some of the writing for SMFS actually started before the pandemic, with Patrick dreaming up the music for What a Time to Be Alive right after the release of MANIA and Pete writing the lyrics that paired with it before the pandemic. so if the writing process went dormant in lockdown, we know many of the threads were connected before covid hit the US. (i'm also remembering the cute zoom sing-a-long pete & patrick did at the beginning of the pandemic where they were clearly in the same room but on separate video feeds so that we, viewing, could feel like we were all alone together)

I stand by my thought that MANIA's ask symbolizes open doors that are open-ended--the queer poly happily ever after is floated, and maybe it's answered and maybe it's not but i don't think any of those doors were closed, even by lockdown. i take the backwards-looking in SMFS as a way of acknowledging what's gone past and is no longer possible: having their whole lives being entwined together, maybe even raising a family together instead of with the lovely women they've chosen and built something beautiful with, not letting the fear of being found out determine the unhealthy shape their relationship took for the first 15-odd years of its course. i find this deeply relatable as a mid-30s bisexual, honestly, whose life could have looked really different in some really joyful ways if the culture had been more hospitable and open to queerness when i was growing up, but who also doesn't regret or want to change what i have now.

SMFS doesn't feel like a frantic too-lateness to me, it doesn't feel young; it feels plain and true, like, well, it is too late for some things, but that might not have worked out anyway, and as it stands we're everything to each other--patrick can't write songs without pete and pete feels like he's a painter who can't paint without fall out boy (the kerrang interview is giving me life, truly)--and it isn't so bad, having a soulmate, whether that manifestation is currently romantic or not. it's too late to change what's gone past but it's not too late for the entire future.

i've just never seen them so comfortable together and so matter-of-fact! like their closeness hasn't looked this easy since pete was making patrick squirm on vh1 by describing them as husbands nearly 20 years ago. i love the way no one's rushing to disguise or define or defend anything, they're just sitting there plainly like, this dude is everything to me, and it frankly is so beautiful and refreshing after the no-homo panic that characterized the early aughts.

i love your headcanon and it gave me all these lovely chewy thoughts! god i can't wait to see the fic that comes out of this. thank you darling!

[viridian-tay-leaf]

Pick a Pile:

Pile 1 💛 -- Pile 2 💞

Pile 3 💚 -- Pile 4 🧡

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pile 1 💛:

So what were not gonna do is go past that like you didn't just say what you just said- seriously how are you still underestimating yourself. Look at where you are right now and how far you've come. You're in your zone babe, keep on going. Big virgo & capricorn energy. 🎶 Money money ain't it funny in a rich man's world 🎶~ You're already there babe, just a little more resting, testing, and putting some more work into sharing your passions and it'll all be good. The universe is working for and with you so why are you fighting. "The girls are fighting". Let go loves it'll work out, it always does for you. Take some time to enjoy the little things today and you'll be a okay little loves~

Channeled Songs:

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Pile 2 💞

Ouuuuuuuu Someone's in looveeeee. Who are they? Are they someone you've known forever or a new person that just gives you the butterflies? Ignore my interest in the gossip- You guys are down bad and when I say that I mean you're gone loves. This person is someone you can really trust and depend on. They are someone who is down to ride and thrive with you for the long run. Just be sure to keep communication open, respect each other & your boundaries, and be honest all the way through. Keep up these basic ideals and you'll be a love for the pages. I'm getting dancing/kissing in the rain. Library dates, walking in the golden hour, amusement parks. Y'all are an adventurous couple who bring out the best in one another, just be sure to acknowledge and work through the worst as well. A relationship can't work unless you both split it 50/50. Remember that you are your #1 priority and then consider them as your #2 priority. You guys are like a storybook kind of love though. Love songs all the way. Getting Pisces, Taurus, Leo vibes. Overall, whether it lasts a week or a lifetime, enjoy one another and the experiences you have as they will be some of the best memories you have when you go.

Channeled Songs:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pile 3 💚

I actually got the songs before the message this time. Yall are in a me myself and I mood, huh? It's giving "I'm feling myself, feeling myself, feeling myself!" While dancing in the mirror. Okayyyyy you guys are vibing. Y'all are either in love with yourself right now or learning to love yourself again and I'm here for it. You go babe, you deserve it. Someone went through a bad breakup(romantic, familial, or platonic) and it took a hardship on you. It was really tough since you've put so much into this relationship and it hurt you alot to get out of it. But! You did it for yourself cause you knew it wasn't going to change and that you deserved better. After going into Hermit mode for a while, you've decided fuck that I'm the shit, they don't deserve my tears so I'm going to be the best version of me I can be and I'm going to do it unapologetically! Major Pisces and Libra energy. Also getting Capricorn for some reason. Either way im proud of you honey. Yesssss 👏🏽 ahhh I love you're energy. Here's to rebuilding and renewing ourselves! Drink that wine 🍷, Dance in your mirror 🎶, Hang out with people who bring you joy 😂. You are someone who loves hard, but the universe loves you harder ;)

Channeled Songs:

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Pile 4 🧡

Are you guys okay? I'm getting a lot of anger from y'all. Some of you are upset that something hasn't worked out. Others are just mad at the state of the world and how it's going. I'm getting alot of pessimistic vibes here and I'm hearing that it's not gonna work for either of us babe. So right now I'm gonna need y'all to go into self-care or what I call Hermit-Magician mode and take care of yourself big time. You may be the healers we need for our future. So take a breather cause you definitely need it. I'm hearing burnout big burnout even if it's something you love. Too much of anything is never good for you. Take a cleansing shower. I'm getting protection and maybe some of yall have been cursed/hexed by someone else's negative energy/envy. Get that person out of your environment or life as soon as possible loves. They are not good for you and your friends seem to think so aswell. Be gentle with yourself because you're still sensitive. Take your time refilling your energy and your passions. You can't give pour out an empty cup darling. So as someone who's been there before, rest, rest, rest 👏🏽. It sucks but it'll be worth it. I've found that depending on which sign you are, it helps to go be around your element. For example, I'm a Scorpio (sun) and whenever I feel like this I usually shower, swim, or stand in the rain. It's like a little refresher. A reminder that I'm here for a reason and that reason is to exist and guide others to enjoy their experience aswell.

Channeled Songs:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Be good, be kind, be safe~💜

[paradoxical-catastrophe]

Vent. God this is long

Front being crowded with The Roommates so hard that it feels like we are all blending together really got me thinking since I can’t do much other than sit and stare.

Having to accept that we were traumatized as a child. And not knowing exactly what, because of so many memory gaps. I have theories, and I don’t like the theories. Because god, my theories suck. If it is what I suspect it is, it’s something so insignificant and small that I feel like I shouldn’t be affected. Could something like that really cause all of this? It’s really just looking like bad luck that caused a crap ton of situations to happen. It would be easier if I could pin the blame on someone.

Not to mention, my system would be half its size if not smaller if it wasn’t for one person. One singular person caused people to come to front or split. Now we have a persecutor, we have memories being taken from us, someone had to be split because he couldn’t take care of us via self care and take care of us from externally and deal with others. And like don’t get me wrong these guys are cool I guess, but god my head is loud.

It’s hard to even acknowledge that everything that happened was so bad. Like, it ended a month ago ish, I feel like I should be better.

But clearly it was bad. With attempting at least once a month, struggling to have motivation to do anything I wanted and even eat, crying constantly, getting so angry we had to block someone from fronting so they wouldn’t kill someone or hurt ourselves, having to constantly stimulate ourselves or else we would be at such a high risk of spiraling to sui, not to mention the whole persecutor thing???

We fucking split a plush doll, because we could not feel like a human let alone alive, just to hold a portion of our mental health issues, who took ages to even feel comfortable using an alias let alone finding a name. We split a teen version of ourselves to torment us because we feel like we deserve the pain in hopes it will fix us, or at least train us from doing bad. We split someone just to take away painful memories despite not even wanting the memories gone.

And I didn’t even have the worst of it.

Yeah, I was already juggling so much of my own. College, already shitty mental health, loss of family, work, COLLEGE???? But I didn’t have it as bad as others did. And my life could be significantly worse.

Maybe I don’t even have alters. Maybe I just finally lost it. But why else does it feel so loud? My thoughts are interrupting each other in different tones. Nobody can finish a complete thought. I struggle to walk because this body isn’t what it’s supposed to be like, I can’t look in the mirror because I can’t recognize him. My sleep schedule is an absolute mess, I can’t take care of myself, my health is still atrocious…

I am so tired. I want everything going on to be over. It could be over by now and it’s not. Because people are selfish and cruel.

I want out of America, I want out of Texas, I want out of this body, of this world. Because if I don’t constantly drown myself in an interest, a world that isn’t my own because I can’t fucking deal with my life despite the fact I should be okay because I have a great life, I’m worried I’ll try and off myself.

I can’t escape anywhere except in fiction. I tried to escape the real world by coming online, and now there’s assholes on here making it unsafe.

It’s all just too much and too loud and I’m sick of it. I’d do anything to be put in a coma even for just a few days, but oh no I live in America, thatll cost 7 billion dollars!

Not to mention what the fuck am I going to do after college!!!! I have no idea. I have no fucking clue. I feel so stupid not getting a degree in something much more practical. At least mechanical engineers are constantly needed! But math, even applied math, feels fuckint stupid, even if my goals are still in demand.

I’m so tired.

[leonbloder]

Learning To Live Fully Alive

Last month, during my stay in Denver, I saw a concert at Red Rocks Amphitheater, one of the most incredible venues in America.

The photo below is from the concert and shows the incredible beauty of this natural amphitheater high above the city in the beautiful Red Rocks Park suburb of Morrison, CO.

The artist I went to see that night was the Avett Brothers, an alt-country duo I have been listening to for years but have never seen live.

The evening weather was perfect for the concert—clear, cool, and marked by a fantastic sunset. And the Avett Brothers were terrific.

I have come to truly appreciate one of the Avett Brothers' recorded songs, but hearing it live took my appreciation to a whole new level. The song "No Hard Feelings" reflects on a life spent seeking peace and unity despite all the challenges that seek to destroy both.

Here are the lyrics that really speak to me:

When my body won't hold me anymore And it finally lets me free Where will I go? Will the trade winds take me south through Georgia grain? Or tropical rain? Or snow from the heavens? Will I join with the ocean blue? Or run into a savior true? And shake hands laughing And walk through the night, straight to the light Holding the love I've known in my life And no hard feelings…

None of us know exactly what happens to us when we die. Any idea we have is pure speculation, or to put it another way, our best guess.

I trust that there is so much more on the other side of the reality we experience in this life, and I also firmly believe that whatever that looks like is beautiful beyond our imagination.

Which is why I love the lyrics of this song so much.

The singer's musings hint at the unknown, but each scenario he imagines of the afterlife is filled with beauty and peace without a hint of regret.

The song actually ends with these words being softly sung over and again:

"I have no enemies."

I love this refrain. It speaks to forgiveness, letting go of hurts, embracing love, and surrendering to the serenity that comes from losing ourselves to find ourselves.

I listened to this song quite a few times during my long hours behind the wheel last month and understood a few things that need to be shared.

The first revelation comes as a question because that's how it came to me as I reflected on all this: "When I come to the end of my life, can I say that I didn't just live, but that I was truly alive?"

This is a question I have been pondering a lot lately, especially while I was traveling alone across the country for the past several weeks.

What does it mean to live fully alive all the time, no matter what we are doing or where we find ourselves? It has much to do with finding peace that frees us from regret and bitterness.

This leads me to the second revelation, which is just as important as the first: Be intentional.

The late Thich Nhat Hanh once wrote:

Every twenty-four-hour day is a tremendous gift to us. So we all should learn to live in a way that makes joy and happiness possible.

For Hanh, this meant beginning each day by being mindful of his breathing, acknowledging each breath, and reminding himself that he was given the gift of a new day and that he had to live in it. In other words, he was intentional about living fully.

I've come to believe that the fulfillment of this intentionality is different for each of us.

For some, it means intentionally spending time outside each day to take in what nature offers through inspiration, peace, and joy. For others, it is spending time with loved ones and friends in life-giving and meaningful ways.

For others, it might mean solitude and silence, reading, writing, and creating art, which feeds the mind, body, and soul.

I suppose, for my part, I tend to want to employ all of these ways of being intentional, but my opponent in making it happen always seems to be time. This leads me to the last revelation: We make time for what's most important.

This can go both ways. If we feel that all of our time is taken up by actions and reactions to busyness, stress, bitterness, anger, conflict, deadlines, and the like, then we have to admit to ourselves those are the things we prioritize over our own peace.

I am shifting my thinking and priorities toward more life-giving ways of being.

I'm learning that when I prioritize living fully in the things that are truly important to me (connection with others, time with my kids, creativity, being in nature, silence, and solitude), all of the demands on my time tend to become much easier to handle.

And all of this leads to a more regret-free, conflict-free, and spiritually-free way to live fully.

May we all find ways to seek the kind of peace that comes from the Spirit to set us free toward becoming the people God longs for us to be.

And may the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with us all, now and forever. Amen.

[2004videovixxxen]

i am taking his words at face value. truth, he is in a relationship, i can respect that. and also truth, it can never be just sex with us.... gotta be so honest with ourselves and i'm grateful he decided to say that. he is right, it's not good for either of us.

i just wish he didn't want so bad to leave me in the past, like i never meant anything to him, like it's not supposed to be us.. (yeah, still)

but i won't allow my emotions to rule me yet again! i be meaning it when i say i want him to have everything he wants, maybe for us it's better to love each other from a far distance, lol, i'm okay with that.

well, i have to be because he's with someone else. and apparently it's real, happy for him 💙 i won't lie to myself and say that it doesn't bother me to know that and we haven't been broken up that long for him to actually move on, (10 years!!! of a BOND) yeah i dated someone but i was lying to myself the whole time, complete rebound, i wanted to be over this man so bad so i ran from the truth until it caught up to me and i'm not saying that i'll never date again or i won't end up in another relationship or fling or whatever, i just need to be honest with myself when those times come. i thought he was the one for me and i have yet to let that go and i get hurt seeing some other woman reaping the fruit of my labor! and ew i don't want to be that way, that's so childish lol but it's how i feel right now and eventually that too will pass, just honoring the moment ya know..

also, i haven't met anyone truly NEW to me in SUCH a long time! i miss that feeling and i also am scared of it so damn much lol which is why i spoke on my desires to be alone for some time, my patience is in the negatives when it comes to getting to know anyone, i have patience for slow cooked meals, my friend taking 4 days to call me back, sewing my bikini strings on tighter, losing weight, seeing results with my skincare routine, learning a new routine, learning a new subject, seeing where life will take me each day.... but figuring out what sets a man's heart on fire? ooofffffff gotta blast i don't want to

this was a good moment, i don't have hard feelings, initially i did but i had to take a step back like girrrrl that is not your man lol BUT i'm proud of myself for doing that, the old me would have definitely said some mad shit in the moment, crashed out a little bit and then regretted it all the next day but not talk about it and give some half ass apology- growth! so i have to acknowledge that for sure!!! giving yourself grace works man, anywhooooooo

finally got my watch byke so these walks and runs are about to go crazy! i'm looking forward to that at least lol i'm going to run a half marathon next year! watch me!!!

[imspardagus]

Let us bray

When we arrived at the hotel bar, after a trying day, we were hoping for a bit of time to unwind and regroup before dinner. We had reckoned without the men, six of them, who had clearly already been there for some time. They had taken over the tables and high stools in the centre of the bar, were well down what may have been, but probably weren’t, their first pints of lager and were well into raucous mutually-affirming badinage.

We had first visited the bar, a part of what was supposed to be a four-star hotel in Taunton, on arrival a few hours before, after a particularly taxing day driving across England to, and the participating in, the funeral of an old friend and colleague. Then, it had only been the music in the bar that had been loud enough to be intrusive but, although it was still audible in the background it could not now compete with the level of sound emanating from this group.

We were booked to eat in the bar – the hotel had graciously allowed that my sister’s well-behaved dog, a nervous and still cowed rescue that couldn’t be shut up and left,  could remain with her during the meal but not in the “dining room”. Fair enough, except that the dining room was in fact just an unpartitioned area of the bar. So in fact we had only the options of staying to eat or giving up our reservation in the hope of finding somewhere else that would admit us. And since we had, on arrival at the hotel, been required to provide a substantial deposit towards our evening meal, leaving, without the prospect of a serious argument, was not much of an option.

We had been joined by a friend from the funeral and had been anticipating a gentle conversation with him before going on the eat. Apart from us and the men there were only two other couples in the bar. Twenty minutes later, however, even though we were barely a metre apart, we were each already hoarse with th effort of making ourselves heard over the noise the men, now enthusiastically into a new round of beers, were making, 

My only excuse for the interaction that followed, and not a great one, I acknowledge, when the time came for us to take our places for the meal, is that I was aware of how stressful the day had already been for my sister and had wanted this part of it to be as comfortable as possible. I therefore asked if the waitress could find us a table at a greater distance from those men. She looked around haplessly before confirming to us that we could only sit in the bar area “because of the dog”.

I did not react well, I accept this, but I reiterated that we would like to be further away from “those braying drunks”. The waitress, with commendable calm, replied that “they are not drunks. They are just a group of men who have come in aft the end of the working day.” I’m afraid her unwillingness to recognise the deleterious impact of the group riled me somewhat and I responded that if they were not drunk they were giving a good impression of being. She simply stood her ground insisting they were not drunks, just working men and that we had to be in the bar area with them because we had a dog. My reminding her that we were guest of the hotel and that the hotel had assured us when we booked that there would be no problem with accommodating the dog at the meal and that its vaunted mission was to make us comfortable was to no avail.

Fortunately, an hour, and several more beers, later, the men, amid noisy farewells, got down off their stools and left.

I dare say I can guess what some of you are thinking. I should have just got, and should now just get, “over it”, and myself. You will be thinking I was in a bar in a city centre. What did I expect? Why should I think it okay to want to spoil the enjoyment of some working men and why should I think it acceptable to confront a poor harassed waitress in the process? To that last part I put up my hand unequivocally. For as long as I can remember I have understood that, unless the person serving you is behaving obnoxiously from personal choice, you should never allow yourself the luxury of attacking or demeaning them.

I have seen it done so often: inadequate men and women, dress’t in a little brief authority, usually attributable to the overweening size of their bank balances and to the need to demonstrate what they are pleased to think of as their superiority, putting down those whose hapless misfortune is to have to attend to their requirements. Such behaviour is bullying, it is rude and it is indefensible. I am not advocating condescension, noblesse oblige, here. Don’t they know that there are only people in this world and that it is our human duty to treat every last one of them with the respect they deserve, even when you think you deserve better? I “don’t indulge” in such behaviour, or at least I shouldn’t.

All I can say, and my offered excuse rings hollow, believe me, is that my own challenging response was out of character and that it was triggered by a difficult day. And if I could have that time over, I hope I would behave better. But time only works in one direction for humans like us so I can’t go back and do better.

But perhaps, with that out of the way, now we could get back to the point. Those men.

I get that they had been working all day. But did that entitle them to make everyone else’s evening uncomfortable? I don’t think so. Don’t get me wrong. I am no saint, no temperance-driven killjoy. I too have been the worse for wear in bars. But, like it or not, and making due allowance for the reasonable desire to “have a good time”, I believe that nobody should be allowed to have that “good time” at the expense of other people.

It is, I think, a well-identified observation that the volume of noise produced by any group of drinkers rises to meet the level of the loudest member. That certainly is true of men (women, please do not feel left out, you have your own version of this behaviour). I have watched it time and again in the pubs I have visited. Sadly it is also the case that the loudest member of any drinking group tends to get louder the more alcohol he has consumed. Every joke has to be appreciated with a bigger outburst of braying laughter; every anecdote has to be topped by another increasingly inarticulate ramble delivered at full and yet fuller pitch. And so the braying ratchets up.

It is the unhappy lot of the licensee of the premises to exercise control over the behaviour of his customers (I’m not making that up; it is the law). Often a quiet word to the group will be enough to restore order, for the benefit of all and with very little impact on anyone’s fun. Indeed, having been in such groups on numerous occasions I can assure you that I have not been alone in welcoming such interventions. Better that, surely, than to wash one’s hands and allow the unbridled ravings of one man spoil the pleasure of the entire establishment until the whole situation is beyond recall.

Regrettably, some licensees would sooner take the soft option and let duty go hang. It is, of course, false economics because it will, in time, drive away good paying customers but they would rather temporise, kowtow to the drunken braggart, than confront him. It is not in fact limited to drunks in bars. We see the same subservience in other areas of our lives; profit put before people, entitlement raised over the common good, selfishness prized over consideration. Feudalism, which is still the bedrock of our society, always favours the bully. It has become “the British way”. 

But it is not how it is supposed to be, nor how it has to be. One man’s, or indeed one group’s, pleasure does not have to be bought with the discomfort of everyone else and we should not be accepting of it. Just a little consideration and accommodation can enable us all to have a good time.

But until we learn that lesson, sadly we will all have to kneel so that some of us can bray.