#like canonically the character that Hugh grant plays is named Phillip Tumblr posts

[goldenhawk-k]

Guys please. Benoit Blanc wasn’t “hinted at” being gay in Glass Onion. He IS gay. CANONICALLY. Even if Rian Johnson didn’t confirm that Hugh Grant is in a romantic relationship with Blanc, if it was a woman answering the door, everyone would just assume that was his girlfriend or wife or smth.

This isn’t something that’s ever gonna be explored bc the movies aren’t about his identity. They’re barely about Blanc. He’s just the world’s greatest detective, and he just so happens to be gay.

[hepbaestus]

Thoughts on Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022) SPOILERS AHEAD

I just got back from a 7+ hour trip back to my uni accommodation and the amount of Glass Onion tiktoks that I've been getting are astounding. So I'm going to watch it.

All I know about this film is that Benoit Blanc is very gay and is in a relationship with Phillip (Hugh Grant's character). (Is that canon?)

This was filmed during Covid? Nice.

That's the actress for Agatha Harkness in Wandavision!

Oooo she's a governor.

He FAXES??? Jesus Christ, that is old.

Child = NFT??? that's quite hilarious.

Breaking Covid rules? As expected.

I already love Peg.

DAVE BATISTA??? HELLO?

this is the best character introduction to a character.

Dukey? What a cute nickname from his mum.

The breastification of America? What a sentence. (That was also difficult to spell)

Hell yeah, his mum's a badass.

Oooo fancy.

This box is fancy schmancy.

I like their interactions, they seem really human.

I want to meet this Miles Bron. He seems like a fun dude.

"My beautiful disruptors." I love that.

Oh. Of course Miles is dead. Bruh.

Oh no. One of their friends is alone.

I mean, that's one way of opening it that's for sure.

Really? Among us?

Benoit Blanc has a bath fez? That's brilliant.

The old hags playing Among Us is quite funny.

QUIPLASH? AS IN QUIPLASH FROM JACKBOX? hell yeah

Haven't left the bath for a week???

That was Cain's Jawbone on the floor with it's pages missing. Did this fucking man figure out the true way it's supposed to be read?

I love the rubber duckie on the edge of the bath.

No one straight wears a bandana around their neck like that. Or at least none that I know.

The different modes of travel suits each character. Of course she's not wearing a mask.

I don't know if I like the accent.

The reactions to this spray shot thing? Especially Benoit's, you can tell that he's had experience with things in the back of his throat unlike the others.

Oooooo a slap band.

Oh she left Alpha?

Oooo the sad lady again. She's clearly pitted to be the odd one out, probably going to end up being the main suspect or something similar.

The reference to Social Network oml.

AYO?? GLASS SCULPTURES FROM THE SEA

Also the name of the island; Pisceshite. Clearly meaning "piece of shit". I love this film so much already.

The running across the pier reminds me of Mamma Mia

The necklace? Sure dude.

The tension between Miles and Andi? Oof.

Miles looks like he's just in pajamas.

I love Derol. He's just there.

It is just a rich-asshole house.

Oh the slap band is a biorhythm monitor.

Andi's haircut is really cool.

That is very trippy.

I love that the detective has so many questions and stuff about the island.

"Simple children's puzzles."

I'm curious as to what chakra the others got assigned.

Benoit's outfit. Bro that's a homsexual.

Not Jared Leto of all people.

I love this awkward wading in the water.

Benoit's uncomfortableness when Birdie sits way too close to him. Like can y'all not see that he's a homsexual? Look at the outfit for crying out loud.

Dukes is on Twitch? Nice.

So what I'm gathering from this speech is that I would hate all of them if they were real life people.

Evidently, Andi has some seeming common sense of humility.

Of course Duke also got banned on Twitch.

Peg's is just trying to keep her job.

Of course, hiding behind a statue with it's butt just freely showing.

Oh shit.

The superman tattoo on the finger. Nice.

Is that a Ronald McDonald painting series??

The classic red cup

Andi's outfit. I love it.

HE HAS THE MONA LISA IN HIS HOUSE.

The Louvre closed?

Derol's back! My boy!

There's always one that doesn't know the answer. He like me fr.

Claire doesn't like Klear.

Oh shit, Lionel really doesn't like this.

HE JUST HAS THE FRONT OF A GREEK TEMPLE BEHIND HIS DINING TABLE?

IRL Cluedo time

Already starting the game.

Has he already completed it. Jesus Christ, this man is good.

I wonder why people don't tell you the truth anymore .

Of course Take Me Home, Country Roads is playing.

The cool turkey bone brooch thing that Lionel's wearing on his suit. The bone you pull and whoever gets the longer piece is lucky/gets a wish. (That was the worst explanation of it that I've ever seen)

The Mona Lisa's protection thing is going quicker, Miles or someone's about to die. This is where shit goes down.

I knew it

Rip Duke.

Is he choking? Nah shit.

Of course they're trying to cover their own asses.

Now they're going to be moving everything and ruining the scene.

Rip Andi.

That happens at 10 o'clock.

That close-up shot of the Mona Lisa is irking me.

Hugh Grant!!! Man's is just baking for his boyfriend.

Trauma dumping to a random stranger? Like every twitch chat I see.

Why is Andi's body on the gurney and then why is she alive for the party?

A journal since she was six? The dedication of this woman.

Oh wait, sad lady is Andi's twin.

Fuck. No.

Shit so that means both Brand twins are dead.

The good ol' Ted Talks.

I love that Lionel was a substitute teacher before all this shit.

They all betrayed her.

Whiskey has no thought to what she's saying.

She puts on a front.

I love that she's just downing the 9% alcohol.

Serena Williams???

Peg. Poor Peg. Birdie doesn't give a shit about her.

Derol! Turns out he has it.

Ayo what?

Jeremy Renner??

I am confusion.

Oh wait, she's not dead

It's really cool that we're also left out of the story.

That's so cool oh my god!

That son of a bitch.

Fuck bro. No.

Something is going to get thrown at the Mona Lisa and there'll be a camera in it.

That's a cool shot.

Oh shit the hydrogen gas thingy that this entire building runs on!

What a nice fire show!

The car!

I love slow shots where everything is going to shit. It's surprisingly beautiful.

Finally they're on Andi's side.

I like the lil portraits during the credits, very Cluedo style

Overall score: 9.7/10 this is such a good film

Recommendations welcome!

[icedteaandoldlace]

So last night I dreamed that I was watching Struck by Lightning, but in this version it was mixed with A Series of Unfortunate Events.

Carson was still the protagonist, and he remained exactly the same, but there was no grandmother character, and instead he had two sisters (one two years older than him and the other an infant--essentially Violet and Sunny, but they had different names). The movie opened with the whole family being shown as close and happy, and just having a chill night hanging out together at home, and then the phone rang, and the dad (played by Hugh Grant) left the room to answer it. The person calling was from a shady, top secret organization that he used to be a part of (VFD, but an even more mafia-like version of it). He had apparently run away from the organization and gone into hiding years ago, before any of the kids were born (possibly before he met his wife?), but now they've finally tracked him down, and they're out for revenge, because no one is allowed to leave the VFD, and anyone who does instantly becomes branded an enemy and a target. So now with his cover blown, Mr. Phillips panics, and instead of explaining the situation to his family and taking measures to protect them, he just runs away again, abandoning his family and leaving them all at risk with no warning.

So Mrs. Phillips of course reacts by drowning her sorrows in alcohol and prescription pills, and the would-be Violet takes on the responsibility of taking care of both her mom and little sister while Carson finishes high school. And every day when Carson comes home from school, he takes over looking after the family while Violet goes to work. This is incredibly frustrating for Carson for several, obvious reasons, one of which being that Violet is his best friend as well as his sister, and not only does he rarely get to see her anymore because of their conflicting schedules, but, while she is able to look at their family’s situation from a more pragmatic and functional point of view, he gets the brunt of the emotional side effects of being walked out on and having adult responsibilities heaped onto him, and that disconnect between them makes him feel like he’s going through all this alone.

Meanwhile, he's still trying to start a literary magazine and get into Northwestern, and on top of that, he now also has to deal with shady people hanging around trying to find his dad.

When Carson and his dad eventually have dinner together (because April's storyline is still the same and she doesn't know Mr. Phillips also has two daughters), he’s justifiably angry with him for leaving. And he just gets angrier when he learns the real reason his dad left, and when he sees that he doesn’t even really seem that sorry about it, since Mr. Phillips’ own self-preservation takes priority over ensuring his family’s safety (this guy’s kind of a mash-up of canon Neal Phillips and Aunt Josephine). So Carson does what his dad should have done, and puts all his energy toward protecting his family and stopping the VFD, with help from Violet and a handful of former VFD members they managed to rally.

So more shit happens--some SBL related, some ASOUE related. The Phillips’ house burns down at some point, because of course it does, and Carson uses his journalistic and blackmail skills to try to take the VFD down, all the while still masterminding Clovergate. He still ends up getting killed by lightning, but it happens in the middle of the movie, and it was orchestrated by the VFD (because they have Thanos on their side and he can use his metal glove or whatever it is to control the weather, and idk what he's even doing here because I've never watched an Avengers movie in my life and I’m pretty sure that's not even how his glove works, but whatever, there are no rules in my unconscious mind).

Violet witnesses Carson’s untimely death, and is devastated. And from that point on, she takes over as the film’s protagonist. Now it’s up to Violet to try to save the family, which is difficult, because Carson knew more about the VFD than she did, and he died before he could tell her everything he knew. And Mr. Phillips isn’t being of any help, Mrs. Phillips won’t sober up or take the situation seriously, most everyone else Violet goes to for help won’t take it seriously, either, the VFD rebels are seriously outnumbered and about ready to admit defeat, and the baby can’t even walk yet so Violet has to carry her everywhere.

The dream shifted into something else before I could see how the movie ended, but it was wild, fam.

Another interesting thing about it was that there was a lot of red. Like, you know how SBL and ASOUE both have blue and gray tints to the screen throughout? This movie's was more orange, like a war or apocalypse movie, and most of the characters wore colors with red in them (lots of orange and reddish brown, and Violet alternated between scarlet and pink), so Carson stood out in every scene he was in because he was the only person on the screen wearing blue.