#like bro made the conscious effort

[babymorte]

@v4lde replied to your post “@v4lde replied to your post “question…is it a dick...”:

If you can't cut them off completely for reasons, then the next best thing would be establishing clear boundaries (for them and importantly also yourself). The fact that you are trusting is not a fault and speaks volumes about your own integrity as a person. Don't be too hard on yourself for your coping mechanisms; you were just ran through with a chainsaw bayonet. There are a few stages to the grieving process and it is healthy to let yourself experience them all.

​oh trust me, boundaries are definitely being set~ especially my own. i'm too trusting for my own good honestly. i always want to see nothing but the good in people and i think everyone has the same heart i do. im used to it fucking me over but i never in a million years expected anything like this. like im still waiting to wake up from this crazy nightmare.

it's funny because at first i was really unbothered. i mean i was angry obviously because it all started over a question i had asked about something alarming i saw and kind of spiraled into what it is now. but like this also isnt the first time something like this has happened and i let it slide so i honestly should have seen it coming i was just constantly lying to myself i guess. but like as i found out more and more and did some digging of my own because i knew i was being played (people really do think im an idiot i swear. like im autistic not an oblivious moron) the more angry i got and now im just kinda constantly raging and crying on top of being unbothered because homeboys pathetic and he's the one who's gotta live with it 🤷🏻‍♀️

but tell me...how close am i to the end of the grieving process cuz i would have rather the chainsaw just killed me 🫠

[dronebiscuitbat]

Give me a Reason: Chapter 12- "Petals"

Uzi sat on the park bench scrolling through songs on her phone, the air around her was warm and humid, summer seemed to come faster every year and this year was no different. It was marginally cooler in Copper, the valley it resided in shielding it from the sun's rays most of the day, but not by much.

The park itself was nothing special, a small playground in the middle with a few covered seating areas around it, she was just on the outskirts, sitting under a dogwood tree that was spitting it's big, pink flower petals out at everyone who passed it. She'd already had to pick several out of her hair.

And at exactly 6:30pm. A dark grey BMW pulled into the parking lot, and Uzi looked up at it before looking back down at her phone.

N:I'm here! Where are you?

Nvm! I see you!

Uzi blinked, looking back at the fancy BMW that had just pulled in and sighing, oh so N's family had money, money. That made a bit of sense, though she was a little surprised he'd never mentioned it before.

She stood up, dusting herself of and trying to look as presentable as possible, suddenly feeling a little self conscious in her tank top and (currently open) jacket.

A tall woman with long brown hair and gorgeous emerald green eyes stepped out of the sedan, doing a once over of the park before the passenger door opened and out stepped N. A hoodie and jeans despite the temperature. (Though it's not like she had room to talk)

N pointed at her excitedly, which made her freeze for a moment before awkwardly smiling. Stepping up towards them a bit warily.

“Um, heeey?” Oh fuck everything, she was so awkward. Someone please come rescue her from this conversation.

“Hey Uzi! This is Tessa! The chef of the food you like so much!” She winced, they hadn't shared lunch that often, but being put on the spot so suddenly made her heart speed up and breath get caught in her throat.

“Oh-uh, it's nice to meet you. I guess.” She curled in a bit on herself, feeling more out of place then ever. She felt her face getting warm despite her efforts to stop it.

“Oooh, N didn't tell me his ‘partner' was the girl he met on the first day.” She side eyed N, a smirk growing on her face as she turned to him.

“You didn't lie to mom to go on a date did you little bro~?” She teased, earning a squeek as N turned an impressive shade of cherry red, something that seemed to also spread to Uzi, as she looked down to hide her own fluster.

It wasn't a date! It was an exhibition to gather data! No romantic undertones at all! Nothing romantic about hunting for ghosts!

“Tessa!” N seethed, being the first time Uzi had seen him look genuinely upset since she'd known him. “Its-Its not a date! And I didn't lie! She is my project partner!” He defended, fidgeting his hands.

“Riiiight, alrighty then. It's nice to meet you too Uzi, N was right, you are very pretty.” Tessa winked at her, and Uzi felt whatever oxygen she had escape in a tiny gasp as N looked like he was about to perish on the spot.

“I'll be back at ten sharp. Have fun you two!” Tessa waved them off, chuckling to herself at the way she embarrassed her younger brother before hopping back in the car. N was still stuck ramrod straight, face redder then beetroot.

There was a moment of very tense silence, before N cleared his throat, trying to calm down a little.

“Ah-uh… don't mind her, she likes to embarrass me…” He explained, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly, smiling like a fool.

Uzi gave a half-laugh. “I-Its okay. She's your older sister, it's kinda her job right?” Her hands gripping onto the bottom fluff of her jacket as she also tried to coax the heat from her face.

Right. She just likes to embarrass him. He probably never said that about her…

“You are- you are though.” He murmured, looking down at his own feet to avoid looking anywhere near her.

Well that certainly didn't help calm her fluster.

“Oh… thank you?” She managed to get out before she had to look away, a dumb, smiley look on her face. She still didn't know how to take compliments, and this one made her heart feel all fluttery… for some reason.

“You have petals in your hair.” N said after a moment of awkwardly walking back to the bench she was at before. Pointing at the pink petals caught in her beanie and purple locks.

“Huh? Agh! Come on!” She shook her head and huffed, watching as a few petals floated down around her, crossing her arms.

“Uh… there's still… here.” He suddenly stepped incredibly close, hand brushing through her hair as he fished for the final stubborn flower, she almost wanted to yell at him for invading her personal space, instead all she could do was squeak and watch his arm like a mouse watching a cat.

The moment was over quickly. N pulling back with an intact pink flower in his hand, he was beaming, letting the flower float out of his hand and onto the ground gently.

“There! It really wanted to stay with you!” He giggled, fidgeting with his hands again.

Uzi blinked. Before figuratively slapping herself. Pulling herself put of whatever weird headspace she'd just fallen into and clearing her throat.

“T-thanks. Uh, you wanna start walking? The forest is thata-way.” She pointed forward through the park, past the fenced in area of it's well trimmed confines, the forest grew thick and untamed.

“Yeah! Let's go, I love doing anything!”

Next->

[golvio]

So I've got...some complicated feelings about this. Some of them more analytical, some of them more personal. I get pretty long-winded when I think out loud about this guy, so I'm putting my thoughts behind a cut.

On the one hand, I definitely noticed that TotK's Ganondorf was more preoccupied with his appearance, not necessarily in a stereotypical "vain villain who never shuts up about how beautiful they are" or a "gym bro who spends more time checking himself out in the mirror than actually working out" sense, but in a "he's very conscious about the image he projects and wants to maintain careful control of how other people see him at all times" way. I'm glad I've got confirmation that I wasn't just seeing things. Also, that TotK discusses how he uses attractiveness to manipulate people, as implied with how he portrayed "Princess Zelda," had some really interesting implications about his life as the Gerudo king and his personality and skills in reading people that Nintendo never followed up on, because god forbid we give this character any recognizable traits that could inspire curiosity about who he is as a person or discussions about gender roles in ways that aren't "He pretends to be a cute little white girl because he's an Evil Degenerate."

On the other hand...it kind of contributes to the way I've been weirded out by how the game itself treated him and how certain fans treat him. The game itself made a lot of effort to dehumanize and un-person this man as a character even while making his human form visually appealing. The fans themselves are celebrating this a validation of their seeing him as a sex symbol, calling him "a bi icon" because both men and women are attracted to him, etc.

Like...there's all this discussion about Ganon's appearance and how sexy people find him, but not much consideration of what *he* might want, or how he feels, or what he's attracted to. I know that's kind of a goofy question to ask about a fictional character who can't really have opinions on things beyond what the writers give him, but...it's just kind of...objectifying?

For example, I don't take any issue with headcanons that Ganon might be bisexual, or at least enjoys the attention he gets from people of any gender, since I've got my own headcanons about him being queer, but I do get weirded out by the assumption that just because both men and women find him attractive that means he *must* reciprocate their desires and be bisexual. It's the same thing that weirds me out about fan art pre-release that portrayed him as this airheaded himbo jock because fans wanted to ogle his sexy body without having to deal with his intelligence, his anger, his negative qualities, or his potential dangerousness.

There's this tendency to objectify him in both the game, whether as a "monster" to slay to prove the player/Link's mettle as a hero, or as a trophy to symbolize Rauru's dominon over the frontier territories of his kingdom. And then there's a tendency to objectify him in fandom, presenting him as a pinup devoid of his original personality, or trying to shape him into a "good Ganondorf" that the fans would actually like to be friends with by sanding off all his sharp edges so they can access his body, which they find beautiful, without having to deal with the parts that might complicate that or that they'd dislike.

Fandom as a whole seems to have a blind spot when it comes to the objectification of masculine characters, particularly because it's like, "Oh, BOYS can't be objectified! Only pretty (white) ladies can get objectified!" Nevermind that objectification is a phenomenon that's super commonly done to nonwhite men in tandem with the more overt and violent dehumanization that comes with racism, especially men with darker skin. And there doesn't seem to be much of an interest in exploring what that might mean for Ganondorf as a character, whether just as discussing double-consciousnesses and exploiting expectations to manipulate people, or to explore how being treated like a piece of meat or a pretty ornament who exists only for other people's pleasure can really warp a person.

I guess...this is something I've been thinking about since playing Slay the Princess, which asks a lot of questions about objectification, how people's complexity can be dismissed and ignored when they're shoved into the Love Interest archetype, and how being limited in this way in the eyes of others can seriously hurt and warp someone even if it's being done in the "nicest," most paternalistic and "benevolent" way possible. It presents the core relationship as being a fundamentally unequal power balance; no matter how fearsome and terrifying the imprisoned party becomes, she is always at your mercy, she lives and dies based on the choices you make, and the "nicer" routes are potentially just her saying what she knows you want to hear and auditioning for your sympathy because like it or not you're her warden. It also forces you to ask yourself what makes you come to love somebody, and to consider the possibility of loving somebody while also acknowledging their thorny, messy, contradictory, and dangerous parts. I wish I could see more works considering this for Ganon, as opposed to regurgitating tired old "Destroy This Mad Brute" tropes or turning him into a "safe," palatable, easy-to-digest love interest.

[yae-energy]

…jotaro with an rnb singer! fiancé? also best part by her and daniel caesar would go with this 🤭

“you’re the best part”

synopsis: jotaro finally ready to give love a second chance

cast: bodyguard! jotaro x rnb singer! black fem reader (jolyne is mentioned briefly)

universe: modern au?

wc: 1.1k wrds , 5.8k char

cw: angst to comfort (?) happy ending, established relationship, very cheesy (and shitty) writing , mostly proofread (i tried my best y’all but looking at my own work makes me cringe bad)

a/n: bro im so so so mega sorry if this is so trash/not what you asked for 😭 i am not good at actually writing so pls forgive me. i hope you like it tho <3 , also thank you v much for requesting 🫶🏽 mwah.

"utterly breathtaking."

those were the words that you used to describe the blazing hues of orange, yellow, and red that painted the horizon, as the sun ultimately began its descent. causing the sweltering summer heat to finally come to a halt as a result, and instead be replaced with a gentle breeze that danced through the air. wisps of your curls being disturbed in the process whilst your eyes remained glued to the sunset.

upon looking at you, he can't help but wonder why he didn't see it back then, why he didn't pay closer attention to the way the sun beautifully kissed your skin. or how you glowed underneath the moonlight, or even the gentle tone of voice you used whenever you spoke to him.

he felt stupid- foolish, one could say.

why did he wait so long? why did he wait so long to fully relish in the prickly feeling that arose whenever your hand just so happened to glide against his own? or admire how your lips looked whenever you applied your favorite gloss.

sometimes he just can't help but wonder, why?

then the answer clicks.

he simply wasn't allowed to. falling in love with you wasn't in his job description, he was your bodyguard. his job was to protect you, to shield you from the harsh realities of your successful career, and to barricade you from the rush of paparazzi attempting to make their way to you any chance they could. he was excellent at his job, so much so that even he knew to never cross that boundary with you.

he was far too afraid to, far too afraid to hurt you like he had done others in the past. like he had done to his former wife, his daughter even. he wasn't there as much as he should have been and he knew that, no matter how understanding they were about his career and the long, long, hours that came with it. the feeling haunted him.

and for the many, many, years after the fact, he couldn't shake the feeling of guilt that he harbored deep in his soul. he just couldn't allow that again. he couldn't allow himself to hurt someone else because of his own mistakes. mistakes no one held against him anymore, mistakes jolyne managed to forgive him for long ago.

so why couldn't he do the same for himself? why did he use it as a reminder to keep himself in check? as motivation to keep you as far away from him as possible- not that, that was an easy job in itself. he did work for you after all.

24/7 he was at your beck and call. walking you to all your favorite shops whenever you felt the urge to go, escorting you out of blacked-out vehicles and being your personal buffer between you, and the obnoxiously bright flashes of light being emitted from those large, ugly, cameras.

24/7 he was with you.

and a very large part of himself is livid for waiting so long to appreciate that.

to appreciate how you'd gift him small trinkets to show gratitude for all his hard work. to appreciate how you always made a conscious effort to bring him hearty meals if you noticed he wasn't eating as well as he should've been.

to appreciate how you'd call his name so prettily whenever you needed him for something. and how it sent a kaleidoscope of butterflies to his stomach each and every time.

god, he was foolish, unequivocally so.

and it hurt too much to think about, even for him. you were so kind to him, so sweet and understanding of his past, of all the mistakes he made. you didn't judge him like he judged himself for all those years. and that's when he realized it was time to put that shame and guilt to rest.

to allow himself to feel loved and cared for despite his mistakes- that seemingly everyone forgave him for, but himself.

to allow himself to relish in the way your hands glided against his own.

to allow himself to admire the way you applied your favorite gloss.

to allow himself to be loved by you. and to be loved by you till death did you apart.

utterly breathtaking. those are the words he'd use to describe you.

you were the best part of his morning, evening and night. the best part of his career, and the best part of himself.

which brings him back to the present. all those cherished memories between the two of you acting as his sole motivation for why he was doing this. why he was so nervous as he clutched the comically tiny, black, suede box that held your ring, in his hand.

it was beautiful, just like you.

"a pretty girl needs a pretty ring, dad" were jolyne's wise words that echoed in the back of his mind while ring shopping for you. his heart full of so many emotions that he could barely contain the tears that pricked the corner of his eyes while he stood in the middle of a "tiffany & co."

and even now, as he stood beside you on your shared balcony. watching you as you watched the sunset, slow jazz playing from the vinyl record he got you got Christmas, (doubling as a 2 year anniversary gift.) leaking through the crack in the sliding door.

what was he supposed to say?

not enough words in the dictionary could describe how he felt about you. none of them could describe how utterly beautiful he thought you were. or how you made him feel every time you looked at him, or called out his name for yet another favor he pretended to be annoyed about.

nothing could describe you.

"…wonderful weather we're having…" he began. to which you replied with a short hum, your eyes sparkling like the millions upon millions of stars in the sky.

what was there to say that he hasn't clumsily said already? why did he have to say anything at all? you knew him like the back of your hand. all his good traits- his bad traits, you knew him inside and out and that's what he loved about you.

you knew what he was thinking, what he was feeling, what he wanted to say but just couldn't due to lack of words.

you knew him.

so with that in mind, he decided that words were too much. the way his legs wobbled as he got down on one knee, and the way his sweaty palms opened up the comically tiny, black, suede box should say all it needed to.

that he loved you,

unequivocally so.

[motelroomjesus]

Final Love Sea Ramble ｡⁠:ﾟ⁠(⁠;⁠´⁠∩⁠`⁠;⁠)ﾟ⁠:⁠｡

spoilers ahead!

Guys, I'm fucking siiiiiiick. I can't believe it's over. 😭

Yeah, I definitely got attached to the characters, especially Mahasamut. He's never been wrong in his life ever.

Anyway

I already knew how this ep was gonna go. I knew Mut was gonna take a chance since his time there was running out, and I definitely had a premonition (💆) that Rak was gonna have an explosively negative reaction. Tongrak is very predictable. He's so stuck in his ways and in his past that it makes it easy to map out his reactions. But I appreciate Mut's unwavering belief in Rak. He believed that there was still even the slightest chance that Rak might make a change for himself and take a chance on him, on them and Mut's willingness to let go of Rak had he just said "no not interested". He stood steadfastly by him even if Rak tried to push him away. But, y'know, Mut is only human, too.

I knew that break up was bound to be explosive, but Rak throwing such a thoughtful and unique gift, that he saw Mut explain to him with stars in his eyes, almost literally in Mut's face was like kinda crazy. The things he said, bro.... Mut is bearing his heart, and I understand that's really scary for Rak, but fuuuuck. I fully get why Mut's tone turned to a bit of anger and genuine upset. I would feel like my feelings were being made less than too. I think the worst part is that despite it all, even through the argument, Mut is still trying to leave the door open for him until the moment Rak just fully crashed out. Once Mut fully turned his back to him and walked out, I think Rak realized he fucked up big time. But he still expected Mut to stay, to approach him first, to fix things like he always has. Selfish even then, when things were falling apart and the obvious solution was in his hands, at the tip of tongue. He was not thinking about how Mut was feeling or how that truly affected him. His trauma blinded him so much. Poor Mahasamut.... oh the angst of it all omg.

I'm glad Vie ended up intervening for Rak. Vie is such an amazing friend. I think if Rak had been left to his own devices, he would've chosen to rot away from the heartbreak in his house. Vie, my beautiful mischievous lady, I love you. IDC what ppl say about you.

I'm also glad that Mahasamut did not give in when Rak first showed up. I'm glad he barely even let Rak get a word in during that first encounter at the beach at night. I'm glad he scared Raj by pretending to throw the gift out into the ocean. Mut has maintained his composure for the most part. Seeing Rak follow him after not just breaking his heart but also hurting him beyond that, must've stung so bad. I'm happy Rak was forced to suffer the consequences of the very ditch he dug himself. It forced him to acknowledge the way he hurt Mut. It was obvious that he was never conscious of the way his actions and words hurt those around him. Even if his outbursts and reactions were not intentionally malicious, he has to take responsibility. So, I'm glad that's how it played out. He really had to put in the effort for Mut.

I, for one, really really enjoyed this series. I saw some opinions that said they felt the story fell flat and lost substance as the show went on, and while I agree to an extent, I don't think the fall off was that bad. It was still fun to watch, and characters like Mut, Meena, and Vie really kept me seated. Now, my biggest gripe is with the VieMook side plot. What the fuck was the point of it if they didn't even give us a full resolution for them? It was genuinely so frustrating. I think it might actually be my only gripe

All in all, it was a fun series. It was engaging for me and a pleasure to watch. I'm hoping to see fortpeat outside of the mameverse one day, but I'm not forecasting that for the near future.

8.5/10

maybe it's because Fort is in it or maybe it was actually really good.... the world will never know

[kaidraws69]

No one asked for this but you’re getting it anyway

Agni as your boyfriend headcannons

Agni isn’t gonna warm up to you immediately. It takes time, patience and effort to get him to trust you

Once he does eventually trust you, he’s practically glued to your hip (bye bye alone time)

Agni is a protector. He liked to protect those that are smaller and weaker than he is

LET THIS MAN COOK!! Bro should open a restaurant frfr. Bro is like Gordon Ramsay in the kitchen (but his true talent is welding and making traps)

If you’re a human, you bet your ass he’s gonna wanna know everything about humans. ‘Organs’ and all 😏

Once you two start dating, this man is so possessive and protective it’s insane. If anyone even looks at you, they’re either dead or in the ICU.

Agni can and will make you things. He likes seeing you smile when he gifts you the things he made.

Agni is really self conscious about his horn and arm. So be cautious when discussing them. (He doesn’t like talking about them)

Bad day? Frustrated? Stressed? Not anymore you’re not. Agni has connections. And those connections happen to be dangerous Rageons, so if someone made you upset, he’s sending those connections after who put a damper on your mood.

Feeling sad? Depressed? Tired? Haha, not anymore. Agni surprisingly gives good cuddles. He’ll coil his arms around you like a snake, trapping you against him as he whispers calming words into your ear, reassuring you that he loves you and will keep you safe. “Shh.. it’s okay, love.. I’m here, and everything is going to be okay. Relax a bit and let me handle it..”

This one is for the ladies! PMS hit? Cramps? Cravings? Just let him know and he’ll get you everything you need. Feminine products, all your cravings, a heat pad, fluffy blankets, and of course, kisses and cuddles. He’ll even make you a warm bath if you want!

Agni is a huge fan of PDA. He LOTHES the thought of anyone looking, talking, or touching you, so he has his arm or hand on you at all times. Mostly wrapped around your waist. This man ain’t letting anyone near you.

Weekly dates are a must with Agni. He works a lot, and he knows you get upset and feel neglected at times, so he closes his shop once a week and spends the entire day with you doing whatever you want (you guys usually order pizza and watch shitty horror movies cuddled on the couch)

Your interests are his interests, and he makes you info dump all your interests on him, because he enjoys seeing you get excited and loves your voice.

Catch a cold? Have the flu? Yeah, don’t tell him, because last time you did he freaked out and acted like you were gonna die. (You spent the entire day reassuring him you weren’t gonna die, and just needed rest and medicine)

Agni gets you flowers once a week (a gift along with the dates) (if you don’t like flowers, he gets you something related to your interests)

Dating one of the most feared Goyles in Under Rageous definitely has perks. No one messes with you, you get what you want, and you get automatic respect. God forbidden anyone harasses or is mean to you, because Hell hath no fury like Agni.

Agni has a mouth of a sailor. (If you don’t curse, he’ll try not to do it around you)

THIS MAN WORSHIPS THE GROUND YOU WALK ON

Agni worships you like you’re some kind of god/godess.

I hope you enjoy these hcs! Happy shipping!

[indndwnshead]

Amalgamation: Part II - When you meet... Namjoon

Pairing: Min Yoongi x (f) Reader

Chapter tags: developing relationship, meeting the bro, Namjoon being the absolute gentleman that he is

Series summary:

Now that you are a permanent fixture in Min Yoongi's life, it's inevitable that you meet the rest of BTS.

Each encounter with the rest of the group becomes a unique thread in the tapestry of life, gradually integrating disparate elements into a harmonious whole and seamlessly weaving into the fabric of your joined world.

A/N:

I have been seeing a lot of videos of Namjoon being a gentleman and vibing with female artists and here's my interpretation!!

Let's be friends and stan Yoongi together on twitter @itsdndwn 💜💜

---

Masterlist. Previous Chapter. Next Chapter.

Also read on: AO3

---

Yoongi was in the studio with Namjoon when the article spotting Yoongi and you leaving a restaurant together came out. He was the one who calmed Yoongi down when the older man was getting enraged. As the leader, he was involved in the discussion regarding the possible scandal and the circumstances leading to it. And as one of Yoongi’s oldest friends, Namjoon advocated for letting Yoongi, and you, lead the next course of action.

Yoongi wasn’t sure what you would want to do but he knew that he wanted to let you know how he felt before making a decision together. Namjoon offered him solace and helped him escape the crowd already gathering in front of the building.

Later, Yoongi personally informed Namjoon about your and his decision to pursue a relationship in private. Namjoon was also privy to some details of how the agency was assisting and supporting you and Yoongi in maintaining your privacy. But overall, Namjoon was just happy for his Yoongi-hyung for finding his happiness with you.

However, your first meeting with Namjoon was unexpected. One afternoon, as you sat on the studio's plush couch, engrossed in reading your script, the gentle hum of Yoongi's computer filled the room. Since your relationship with Yoongi evolved from friendship to a romantic relationship, you both made a conscious effort to spend more time together despite your busy schedules. One such way was hanging out in his studio, a new venue that offered a comfortable and familiar atmosphere, much like your cozy moments in both of your apartments.

You occasionally stole glances at Yoongi, your heartwarming as you admired his intense concentration while he created the perfect sound for his music. In return, Yoongi glanced at you from time to time, a fond smile tugging at his lips each time he observed the various expressions that danced across your face while you practiced your lines. Your unwavering dedication to your craft only made him adore you more.

But the tranquillity of your time together was suddenly interrupted by an unexpected knock on the studio door. Yoongi, lost in his music and wearing his headset, remained oblivious to the sound. You decided to stand up and tap his shoulder, pulling him away from his creative process for a moment.

"Yoongi," you began, your voice tinged with a touch of concern about the unforeseen interruption, "someone is knocking at the door. What should I do?"

Yoongi removed his headset, his brow furrowing with mild annoyance at the disruption to your peaceful evening. "Let me check it out."

With that, Yoongi headed toward the door, unlocking and swinging it open slightly to reveal the unexpected visitor.

"Yoongi-hyung! What's up?" Kim Namjoon said, his boisterous voice filled the room.

As Yoongi opened the door more, Namjoon couldn't help but glance past Yoongi and catch sight of you standing in the studio. His eyes widened slightly when he recognized you, but there was a hint of embarrassment in his expression.

"Am I interrupting something?" Namjoon asked, his tone carrying a note of sheepishness. "I didn't know you had a guest, hyung."

Yoongi turned to look at you, silently asking for your input with a questioning glance. You responded with a reassuring smile, indicating that you were perfectly fine with Namjoon’s unexpected visit.

With your approval, Yoongi gestured for Namjoon to come inside, his expression warm and inviting. "It's fine, don't worry about it," Yoongi reassured Namjoon as he closed the door behind him.

Namjoon's gaze darted back and forth between the two of you, still a bit unsure about the situation. He finally turned to you and introduced himself, "I'm Namjoon. Nice to meet you," he greeted, his tone friendly and welcoming.

You offered a polite bow to Namjoon and told him your name, “Nice to meet you too, Namjoon,”

Yoongi cleared his throat, catching both your and Namjoon's attention. "So, was there something you need, Joon-ah?"

Namjoon’s excitement seemed to increase as he remembered what he had come to the studio for. "Hyung, what do you say we finally get the gang together this Friday? It's been forever since we just hung out. The others have been bugging me about it too."

Yoongi hesitated, his gaze shifting between Namjoon and you. He had mentioned earlier that he was free on Friday and had wanted to finally have you over at his apartment again. But he also knew how much it meant to Namjoon to bring the group back together.

You could see the dilemma in Yoongi's eyes, and you gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "It's okay, Yoongi. We can hang out another time."

Namjoon raised an eyebrow at the exchange, concerned that he had disrupted your plan. "Were you planning a date or something? It's fine, hyung. We can find some other time."

You quickly shook your head. "No, not at all! Please, go ahead. I know Yoongi has been wanting to hang out with all of you together."

Namjoon suddenly smiled brightly as if struck with a sudden idea, he addressed you and said. "You're welcome to join us too, you know."

You turned to Yoongi to gauge his response. He smiled warmly and nodded. "Yeah, that would be great. Besides, Jin-hyung has been bugging me to introduce you properly to the rest of the members now that we're 'official,' as he put it," Yoongi chuckled. 

With the decision made, Namjoon’s easygoing demeanor returned, and he eagerly discussed the details of their upcoming hangout. It was clear that this Friday was going to be a memorable reunion for the group, and you couldn't help but look forward to it.

As the afternoon rolled on, Yoongi was called into a sudden meeting with one of the other producers. Namjoon kindly offered to walk you into the basement parking elevator as you had yet to receive your access card to the more restricted area of the building. You make small talk along the way.

You appreciate Namjoon walking in front of you when you walk in a more crowded area, his huge body shielding you from prying eyes. Yoongi assured you before that you can be comfortable inside the building as everyone has an NDA when they sign with the agency, but you feel that it's best to avoid unnecessary attention. That was when you noticed the back of Namjoon’s plain t-shirt. It was a quote from a movie directed by one of your favorite directors, someone you’ve worked with before and have great respect for. 

When you finally get into the quieter area you ask him about it, “Did you like the movie?”, gesturing to the back of his t-shirt.

“I did! I’m a big fan.” Namjoon said with a grin, “Have you watched it?”

“I have!” You said, “I admire the director of that movie, he’s brilliant. I had a really small part in one of his earlier works." You mentioned the name of the movie, not expecting him to recognize it.

To your surprise, Namjoon's eyes lit up with recognition. "Wait, seriously? I watched that movie! I remember your character now!"

You couldn't help but laugh at his genuine enthusiasm. It seemed like Namjoon had a unique taste and an excellent memory. You ended up having a delightful conversation with Namjoon, even stopping to chat a few extra minutes in the sitting area before he finally helped you all the way to the other elevator leading to the basement parking lot.

[thegreatestegg]

cringe is dead! I’m gonna talk about Mario. So I saw a video of Alpharad going through the Mario Kart ride at Super Nintendo World, and it made me realize something.

Team Mario is shown as being Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Toad, as per usual, but also Yoshi (which is expected)... and Daisy. Move a few months later...

And you’ve got Team Mario in Super Mario Bros. Wonder. Mario, Luigi, Peach, Toad, Yoshi... and Daisy. They drop her so casually too, in the trailer. She shows up, and she’s just part of that cast, about as important in the art as Peach or Toad or Yoshi. I think this is the start of a genuine, conscious effort to put Daisy at the forefront of the Mario series- likely so that they can have two women as playable characters per game more consistently, without having to justify Rosalina just showing up out of nowhere instead of her starship, or make up a new unique skill for Toadette that’s different from Toad himself. I think we’re going to start seeing Daisy as a major character- maybe even in...

The unnamed Peach Game? Toadette might be relegated to a skin of Toad (as with Blue Toad), as well. I could easily see this being something that continues into further games, especially with the creativity that’s being pretty obviously put into the new Mario games (Odyssey and Wonder are both so much more creative than the RELATIVELY lackluster New Super Mario Bros. and Mario 3D World.)

[astars-things]

Hi bestie! Imagine being Luke's twin and dating Dylan. Like you and Dylan will work together to annoy Luke and the rest of the boys. Like I just think it would be cute.

Pairing Dylan Duke x hughes!reader

I never thought I'd fall for my twin brother's best friend, but Dylan was different. We had known each other for years, and I always found myself drawn to his charming smile and infectious laugh. So when he asked me out on a date, I couldn't resist.

At first, I tried to keep our relationship a secret from my brother Luke. I didn't want to make things awkward between them, but eventually, I knew I had to tell him. Luke was surprisingly supportive, and even gave his blessing for us to date. But there was one thing that annoyed him: our constant PDA.

Dylan and I couldn't keep our hands off each other, and we loved showing our affection in public. But every time we were around Luke, he would roll his eyes and say, "Keep your hands off each other, please." It was like he couldn't stand to see us happy together.

I tried to be respectful of Luke's feelings, but sometimes I couldn't help myself. Dylan and I would sneak kisses or hold hands when we thought Luke wasn't looking. It was like a game, trying to see how much we could get away with without Luke noticing.

One day, we went out to lunch with Luke, and things started off well. We were chatting and laughing, and I felt like we were all getting along great. But then, Dylan reached over and took my hand, and Luke let out a loud sigh.

"Seriously, guys? Can't you keep it PG for once?" Luke said, exasperated.

I could feel my cheeks turning red as I let go of Dylan's hand. I knew Luke was just teasing us, but it still stung a little.

"Sorry, Luke," I said, trying to sound apologetic. "We just can't help ourselves."

Dylan chimed in, "Yeah, bro, you know we're just crazy about each other."

Luke shook his head and laughed. "I know, I know. I'm happy for you guys, really. Just maybe tone it down a bit when I'm around?"

From that day on, we made a conscious effort to be more mindful of our PDA when we were around Luke. But even though we didn't show it as much, our love for each other never waned. And in the end, that was all that mattered.

my requests are getting turned off soon so make sure to send in whatever request you gave before they close

[desultory-novice]

Have you ever just looked at a unimportant character no one cares about, and you just go

“They could have so much depth”

- the necrodeus anon

...I've been passively trying to come up with a compelling backstory for Brobo of all characters so yeah, I do...

Jokes aside (though I was being serious about Brobo!) I sympathize, Necrodeus fan! Some people might notice that I don't ever seem to draw the Dream Team as a whole? Or even all that much indidivually.

It's not because I don't love them. In contrast, I love them all sooooo much! But I also know that as a fan-artist (1) I don't NEED to do anything for them. They're so important to the, err, "brand" that I'm going to get my daily dosage of Kirby and others being cute by checking Twitter for merch announcements!

King Dedede, who is not as well loved by merch as the other three, gets a lot of fan-made content exploring his backstory, relationships, traumas etc, so I'm feasting on his majesty that way! (...I-is that phrasing too weird?)

--

It might seem weird to position myself like I'm some champion of giving minor characters depth when I draw a lot of Magolor and Marx, characters who are also showered in love and attention. But as much as I love jester boy, I know that for a variety of reasons, Marx is still in the exact same tier of cameo character as Daroach is, regardless of the difference in merch-love and fan content for the two. Neither of them are going to top the list for "characters to make important in the next Kirby game." That's just facts.

That's why, instead of producing a whole bunch of Meta Knight content, even though I do have ideas for him, I lean towards characters who were important once and are likely never to be important again. (The exception is Magolor, who has been made so important lately, he's likely to stay a reoccurring character. My excuse there is just that I'm biased. (2) Though even I start to feel his spread too much lately? He's trended on JP Twitter twice this last month and I don't even think it was for anything special.)

I LOVE Elfy but I didn't have much for them in the wake of FL's release because Elfy was everywhere I turned. A year later the fire has died down somewhat and I'm ready to write and draw more about Elfy in a relatively collected way. It's weird but sometimes hot news characters can turn into unimportant characters?!

I wasn't here for this, but Daroach was an important figure in two games, back to back! Imagine at that point, he must have seemed like frickin' Magolor to people! Isn't that wild? And the Animal Friends too! They WERE Kirby's friends, allies, family, supporting cast! They were Kirby's everything! ...Fast forward to the years between 64 and Star Allies and it's like... who?

And even then, trying to "spread the love around" is something I have to make a conscious effort to do, and I still know I'm WAY lacking in this department! I'm sorry, my other precious blorbos! Someday I will give you all each the visual masterpiece you are deserving of!

--

A thought struck me, as I watched a longplay of Kirby's Pinball, Kirby's Blockball and Kirby's Dream Course (three games I didn't play because even as a Kirby fan, young Dess avoided anything that reminded me of "sports.") that there are more "tiers" of Kirby characters than I typically think of!

If you love even the non-Dedede and non-Magolor last bosses or if you love the Dream Friends, you're still eating good. Because in the early games, our "supporting cast" to develop were things like the Poppy Bros, Squishy, Broom Hatter, and Kabu!

And I LIKE those guys! I like the Helpers! I like Wheelie and I like Bonkers! I mean, Chilly, right?! We all love Chilly! These guys were actually treated as kinda important in the older games! (The older manga gave focus to them too.) They didn't have compelling narratives out of the box, but they were staples in Kirby's world!

Have I ever drawn something for them? Have I ever stopped to think up a story about Simirror or Gim...? I'm not trying to guilt anyone or myself. After all, they really don't have compelling narratives, and I think you'd have to do some serious stretching to come up with one. (It might be a little easier for Gigant Edge and Bonkers and Mr. Frosty since they all spent time in the Forgotten Land...)

--

I think what I'm getting at is that we, who love characters who were important, if only for a single game, are kind of blessed to have that experience. Even if it's only for the length of the Milky Way Wishes sub-game or Mass Attack's main campaign. Our favorites were the shining stars with their own arc: triumphant rise and downfall.

So of course we want to plumb their depths! We got attached! And we're still better off than the Brobo fans or... dare I say it... the GRYLL FANS who dearly love a tough as nails last boss with a great design and... that's it...? We Gryll fans (because I am one of them) have pretty much had to make up their character whole cloth.

(On that note, even Gryll being non-binary is not a 100% canon thing. Gryll's just a character who we know so little about, even their gender is "unknown." There are artists all over the world who have settled on either a strictly fem or strictly masc interpretation for our onion witch. Though I prefer enby Gryll and am actually pretty confident that should they make a future appearance, the official localization will go that way themselves.)

For a long time, what informed Gryll's character was "Gryll introduces themselves with the same line that Marx does. Marx Soul and Drawcia Soul share the same attacks. All three use magic. Maybe these three who have never interacted know each other?!" That is, as far as I'm aware, the "origin" of the semi-popular HC that Marx and Gryll are friends/rivals/pseudo-siblings and both of them know/respect/fear Drawcia.

When Magolor came along and hinted he knew Marx, suddenly that lent some credence to all the magic-users knowing each other. Then Taranza came in with some weird hints of his own about knowing Magolor, and then Drawcia started to get pushed out because she was a little bit less "fun" seeming than the others...?

But I want to highlight that this is all made up!!

And I think it was made up because of people like us. People who still hold fondness for the characters that sparked their imagination and, because they were never likely to appear again, started making connections between other benchwarmers.

:cough: currently in the middle of a lengthy comic connecting Adeleine and Dark Matter Swordsman :cough:

--

I'm not going to say that we "keep the fandom going" or are somehow more important than people who just draw gorgeous fanart of Kirby. Everyone please keep doing that, btw! (Although it's funny that prolific Kirby fanart master, Suyasuyabi, will often draw these bottom-tier no-personality characters alongside Kirby. We don't get to see what motivates Chip or Blipper but we do get gorgeous visuals of them just living their lives) But our weird little hyperfixations are valuable and do have a purpose!

Still, if we want depth for the non-tier 0 characters, we will need to act on it. We can be helped along by inspiration from other people via weird, off-hand ideas that will make you think "Oh my god, wait what?! Oh, that's PERFECT!"(2) but your brain is going to be the one that makes the most fulfilling connections to you. Thus, my "compelling Brobo backstory" quest.

(I'm currently thinking he could be made by King Dedede? His majesty has a way with robots, after all. Or DOES he? What if there's a person or a place or a Weapon Shop Waddle Dee or Planet Mecheye that his majesty goes to to make his golf robots, blockball robots, and rocket hammer??)

-

Have I mentioned this about myself? As everyone knows by now, I'm one of the oldies. Not old as in I've been in the fandom forever. I've only been here for like, a year or two? But I am physically older than the rest of the people I know here, at least. But I only started drawing a few months before officially joining the fandom. (I did write fanfic when I was much younger but I hate all of it. Whee!)

Part of the reason I started drawing at my age was when it finally hit me that I would have these utterly brilliant ideas for cool things! "Oh my gosh, this would be SO perfect for X!" And I would patiently wait for someone to make this same connection and draw or write something for it that I could then love...!

:insert crickets chirping:

And...yeah... This could basically summarize my participation in my last fandom. Now, I actually wrote a lot of essays/answereds some ask questions. I didn't just sit quietly in the corner. But no matter how much I emphasized "This is a really cool thing more people should do something with!!" no one, outside of my one fandom friend, ever did.

I began to despair that maybe no talented artist/writer would ever come along and wave their magic brush/magic pen and fill me up with serotonin in accordance with my dreams. And it's a good thing I realized that because, oops, that's actually kind of true?!

Anyway, not to hammer on Dess's Philosopy of Fandom: that you should make the works you most want to see, regardless of how poor a job you do at the beginning but... yeah, actually. That.

Anyway, keep giving depth to characters! In whatever form you can!

I want to say once more to everyone who follows me and likes my art that I learned all this in like... two years. It just takes obsession :cough: dedication. But yeah, also obsession.

Also insomnia and sacrificing your free time to devouring every piece of beautiful art you come across and dissecting it lovingly. You can do the same with fiction, if you lean more towards writing. Not that I am recommending anyone pick up my regemin...

...Regemen? Regimin? RrrghI JUST looked up this word the other day. How could I have forgotten how to spell it so quickly?!

Aha! It's "Regimen."

...Wow. That's not how I pronounce it at all.

--

--

(1) Note that I seemed to talk a lot about drawing fan art up above, because to me, that IS giving them depth. When you draw a character participating in a hobby, enjoying a certain food, or talking with another character, you are giving them depth! You're rounding them out and making them feel whole!

(2) Another reason I draw a lot of Magolor is that I follow a bunch of obsessive Magolor fans on twitter who seem to do almost nothing but speculate on things that could have happened to Magolor all day(?) Just the other day, someone wrote something like "What if Magolor didn't immediately threaten to take over Popstar in front of Kirby et al? What if he just calmly took over Halcandra on his own and then realized too late that he couldn't take off the crown?"

I found that idea so compelling that five minutes later, I was scribbling this script down...

So, yeah. I want to apologize because for all of my nattering up there, it really isn't all that fair across the board when you like an unloved, unimportant character because the popular characters ALSO get talked about more, which leads to more sparks of inspiration and opportunities to explore ideas and plumb their depths. And that does suck. It just does. It can drain the inspiration you have to work on growing your favorites and make you feel alone and unloved yourself until the love you once felt for your beloved fictional muse is more like a heart-shaped hole in your chest...

...On the bright side, sometimes you can use another character's popularity to grow the less important characters too! I saw another gorgeous and scary comic (in JP) the other day about Magolor and the Master Crown that treated Dark Nebula as a cruel, dangerous, highly intelligent and threatening rival to both of them!! How awesome was that?!

So yeah, try riding the coattails of popular characters to make your favorite blorbo more interesting! Merry Magoland as much as confirms that Magolor has interacted with a stunning amount of Kirby characters. Use the squishsy wizard egg's popularity for your own benefit! (You could argue that's what I do with Marx all the time! Use Magolor's constant appearances to loop Marx into his activities and keep Marx relevant/give him stuff to do...!)

So, what WOULD the fandom's darling think of X canon character we don't see enough of? Or King Dedede. Or Meta Knight. Make connections between the characters that everyone is devouring up content for and draw people's attention that way!

--

This is a bit of a silly thing but... my Dark Matter + Adeleine comic-in-progress? The actual base comic did really CRAZY numbers! To the point that it's not even a month old and it's almost as popular as my most popular post! (That being my "moon's haunted" meme I drew when Forgotten Land came out - and oh.my.god it looks so bad?! I want to redraw it just to wipe off the shame... I feel that way about a couple of my more popular pieces tbh...)

Legitimately one of the reasons it became so popular initially was because it featured King Dedede in a sympathetic role. So it got boosted by certain Dedede fans and, not to diminish my own talent, spread way further than it would have on my art/storytelling abilities alone! (To which I'm thankful. And also, I love Dedede myself and love seeing him in serious roles, so it all worked out.)

Anyway, I hope that proved entertaining and maybe a little hopeful?

[toxicopolis]

I saw the ask you answered about video games where you said you have strong opinions about Luigi's Mansion. Care to share? I am dying to know your opinions.

- 🌌 (Idk if you do anon sign offs but you'll be hearing from my dumb ass again so I'm giving myself one if that's alright lol)

In my opinion, the entire thing is unfair and speciesist, especially on Professor E. Gadd’s part. I don’t necessarily intend to argue that King Boo is “good”, but I certainly don’t believe that E. Gadd is any “better”…

The mansion in the first game was created by King Boo, and it was inhabited by ghosts that had been freed after E. Gadd had captured them. These ghosts did not seem to be hostile or dangerous. Many of the ghosts, who seem to simply be human spirits, don’t attack Luigi unless provoked. In the original Luigi’s Mansion (2001), only 4 of the 23 portrait ghosts are hostile, and many of the rooms in the mansion are locked.

King Boo and Boolossus can only be fought once other boos have been captured, Spooky is a guard dog, and Bogmire is literally the manifestation of the mansion's fear and despair.

E. Gadd also admitted to selling the portrait of King Boo (the most powerful and dangerous of the ghosts) anyway…

This also demonstrated how little he cared for the ghosts… These are fully-conscious beings, and some of them made it very obvious that they did not want to be trapped this way. King Boo is portrayed as “bad” for not caring about Luigi’s friends, but E. Gadd clearly doesn’t either, and he is a supposed ally of Luigi who is often not portrayed as a “villain”.

King Boo was holding Mario hostage in the mansion, and although his own motivations weren’t made entirely clear, my personal theory is that it was some sort of payback for the events of Super Mario Bros. 3. Regardless, I think this serves as a motivator for Luigi to go against King Boo, but not E. Gadd. E. Gadd seemed to have been trapping ghosts in paintings before King Boo trapped Mario in one.

In the original game, King Boo did warn the other boos about E. Gadd’s Poltergust 3000 in an effort to protect them, and this was immediately followed by E. Gadd’s claims that it was indeed King Boo/the boos that had released the portrait ghosts.

King Boo is definitely angry and dismissive in Luigi’s Mansion 3 (2019), but it is understandable when you consider the events of the previous games, regardless of his perceived moral standing. I don’t think it would be fair to use that to argue that he doesn’t care about the other ghosts/never intended to protect them.

E. Gadd never seemed to care much for anyone else in the Luigi’s Manaion series considering the fact that he obviously puts Luigi in danger throughout the series and explicitly disregards the safety of a Toad. I don’t believe that he cares about Mario at all; it seems more likely that he is just using Luigi’s love for his brother for his own gain. He was arguably aware that the mansion was haunted, but he did nothing to prevent Mario from entering… He also repeatedly fails to contain the ghosts and boos, including King Boo, and perhaps even the gem that can be found in his crown in every Luigi’s Mansion game, assuming these are the same gems.

I also want to point out that, in Super Mario Sunshine (2002), Shadow Mario and Bowser Junior use tools created by E. Gadd to cause problems for Mario. Bowser Junior even said that the paintbrush was given to him by E. Gadd.

[casuallivi]

The Midnight Kiss

Enjoy. Comments are welcomed and cherished :)

Part 4: Are we there yet

“Azzy, Azzy. I haven’t seen you in weeks baby bro.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Why not, Azzy? I’ve called you Azzy since you were little.”

“And I never liked it.”

Elain massaged her throbbing forehead, feigning normalcy while feeling the heat of Cassian's stare in the back of her neck. He walked a step behind them, casually whistling, the loud tap of his shoes hitting the hard-concrete ground competing with the beep of Azriel unlocking his car. He opened the door with the same easy confidence he display on the nights before, as if his brother hadn’t popped out of nowhere and ruined her confidence to forget him. She stopped short beside him.

“Cass should sit in the front.” No way he would be comfortable on the back, that man was way too big to fit there, his massive legs would be all cramped with nowhere to spread. Mmmh, his spread legs…She glanced at his brother, discreetly checking him up and down.

“You sit there, doll.” Cassian politely refused.

“No, it’s bigger here. You sit.”

“No need.”

“I insist.”

“Don’t worry Lainy, I can fit anywhere with the right effort.” He winked. “Besides, I wouldn’t dare to interrupt your ride. Ridding the back is not proper for a first timer.” Now he was the one checking her up and down, making her extremely conscious, his suggestive tone tinting her ears the same tone as his read tie. Jesus, this man would be her death.

Elain noticed Cassian smirking at her evident embarrassed, but she wasn’t one to shy away from shameless flirting. Elain flipped her hair over one shoulder, twirling the waving ends in a deliberate slow motion, greeting him with an obnoxious smile of her own,  

“Who said is my first time?” Ignoring him completely, she turned to Azriel, pushing her purse in his chest. "Az gives me plen-ty of rides." Both men went still as she bypassed them, sliding with grace inside the car. Only when her seatbelt clicked in place did Elain noticed how the pink satchel seemed out of place in his stiff arms - stiff because he was frozen with a petrified expression in his face. Shit. Maybe she went a little too far. Whatever, it was too late to back down now, so she batted her lashes at him. "You coming?

Twenty minutes in, Elain was positive that if a pin fell on the car floor, she’d be able to hear it. The ride was that silent. God, this was uncomfortable. It didn’t help that she hadn’t been able to look at Azriel once since her big fat mouth decided to work against her. Again. Elain didn’t know why she did stuff like that, it was stronger than her. One minute she was having a normal conversation, on the next she was shamelessly flirting with her counterpart without a care in the world. It also didn’t help that Cassian’s brain seemed to run in the same speed as hers. They couldn't spend two minutes in each other company without making other people uncomfortable with their overly sexual innuendos and heavy jokes.

Inside the cup holder Azriel’s phone vibrated like crazy, but he only ignored it. Elain traced patterns in her purse, risking a glance at him. His back was ram-rod straight, hands on three and twelve, eyes fixed on the road, a slight downward frown on the corner of his mouth. Was he mad at her? He probably was. Elain mentally slapped herself for being so playful with Cassian in front of him. She and Azriel weren’t in love or anything, but she did agree to be his girlfriend tonight, it was shitty of her to be flirting with his brother on the next breath. She made a note to fix that habit near Cassian asap!

Ten minutes later Cassian was bored out of his mind. They had been sitting in this car, in silence, with no music whatsoever, for goddamn thirty minutes! Where the hell did Elain live? Canada?

“Are we there yet?”

“No.” Azriel responded, his phone buzzing.

That had been the only sound made in the car. Whoever was trying to reach him was perseverant, because it kept calling even when Az showed no signs of wanting to take the call. A light lit up inside Cassian’s brain. Was it a woman? If his brother was shaking Elain’s sheets, as Cass suspected, it would make sense for him to reject another woman’s call. Smirking, Cassian prepared to snatch the phone, his plan turning to smokes when they stopped on a red light, his brother using the opportunity to turned it off, dropping it back with a little more strength than necessary. He sighed and asked again,

“Are we there yet?”

“No.” Elain responded.

Cassian tapped his foot, drummed his fingers on his thigh, scrolled his phone, relaxed the knot of his tie.

“Are we there yet?”

“No yet.”

Cassian rolled his window down, rolling it back up when a quick rain began to fall.

“Are we there yet?”

“Yeah.”

“Really?”

“No!”

Hiding behind her hand, Elain laughed softly, a part of her tension dissipating. She couldn’t help but compare Cassian with Donkey from Shrek, sitting there, bored out of his mind while the trio traveled to Far Far Away. At least he didn’t resort to doing that annoying popping sound with his mouth. She was about to ask Azriel if she could turn the radio on when the object of her distressed fantasies pushed his head between the seats, his silky hair brushing her upper arm.

“By the way Azzy, I’m going to yours.”

“Why?”

Cassian cleared his throat, mimicking an overly excited girly voice. “Sleepover!”

“No.”

“Come on. We can braid friendship bracelets and stay up late like the old days.”

“We never did that shit. Sleep in your own home.”

Cassian nudged Elain. “He is no fun this one, run while you can. Seriously, tho, I’m crashing with you.” His faced turned less playful. “My upstairs neighbor flooded his bathroom, which flooded my bathroom, now the entire block has the water shut down till they fix the pluming. Help a brother out, your brother.”

“No.”

“And where will I go?”

“Your girlfriend.”

“She’s in Miami.”

“Go to a hotel.”

“You know I feel lonely in hotels.”

“I don’t care.”

Venting dramatically, he turned to Elain, resting his chin on her shoulder.

“Heard that, Lainy? My heartless brother wants me on the streets! You are my only hope now. Do you have an extra room?”

“No.” Elain clutched the edge of her sit, looking straight ahead. He was so close to her face she was afraid to breath. “Sorry.”

“No problem, we can do that there’s-only-one-bed thing girls enjoy in books.” He wiggled his brows, and unhelpful snort scaping her. Elain bit her lip to stop her comeback. She was dying to say, 'I sleep on the nude.'

Azriel slammed his foot on the break, nearly crashing on the black sedan in the front. A serious of honks and curses was thrown at them. He cared for none of them.

“For Christ’s sake, respect your girlfriend!” Azriel knew he shouldn’t be worrying about Mor anymore, that he should be defending his girlfriend, but the damaged part of him didn’t care for the unusually quiet girl beside him. No, all he could think about was, if he’s brother was this brazen with him right there, what wasn’t him doing when no one was near? Was he cheating on Morrigan and having affairs while she was away? Did he have a girl on the side? Azriel gripped the steering wheel tightly. Cassian was his brother, his blood, but if hurt Mor in any way…

“Relax. I’m joking with her.”

“It’s not funny.” He pushed Cassian’s head, forcing him to retract. "Put you damn belt."

“She’s laughing!” he defended himself. “The girl has a sense of humor.”

“Go to your girlfriend, go to a hotel, I don’t care. But don’t say that shit to her. You are being disrespectful no matter how funny you think you are.”

He exited the car, slamming the door on his way out. Elain looked around, only them noticing they were parked outside her place. Contrary to her bluff, Azriel didn’t give her plenty of rides.

Twice.

Twice he had taken her home before.

It was never Elain's intention to live in New York, Nuala's crazy suggestion of her moving here only being accepted by the photographer once she landed a permanent position in Marinos. After abusing her friend's hospitality for almost a year, Elain was finally able to save money. gathering enough for the deposit of a one-bedroom in a brownstone building in a cheaper part of town. The moving dried her to the last penny, so when her beloved Death Trap – a lovely nickname Nuala gave to her car – broke down again, Elain was left with no car. It was fine, she was used to the piece of metal dying on her.

By pure coincidence, Azriel saw her downtown on Tuesday, waiting for her second bus. He promptly offered to take her home, no doubt trying to be polite, barely did he know that Elain wasn’t one to refuse this kind of offers only to appear ladylike. Some called her cheap, the middle Archeron called herself a pro in saving up, so she said yes without even thinking too much about it. Later she remembered he might try to convince her of his crazy plan again, but her boss didn’t make a single move on her, he simply turned the radio on low and rolled the windows down, night breeze blowing her hair as they talked about nothing in particular. They didn’t even snarl or fought about anything! Elain was seriously impressed with their mutual civility. Silly fool. Had she known the pleasant nights were driving towards this disaster, she’d have caught that bus yes or yes.

Her door opened suddenly, startling Elain, who fumbled with her belt. Azriel was really mad now, there was no hiding the smoke coming out of his ears, the annoyed vein pumping on his neck. Still, he accompanied her to the door, waited for her to find her keys.

“This isn’t a prank.” she had her door halfway opened when his cold midnight warn hit her. “I didn’t ask you to date me as a prank. I hope you knew that when you said yes to me. I’m serious about having a relationship, Elain.”

"I know."

"Are you serious?"

Elain can’t look at him.

“...I'm trying to be."

"If you don't want to do this you have to tell me now."

"No! I want to do it. I do. It's just, I can't dislike him from day to night, you know how sometimes I speak before thinking,"

"I know."

"It's stronger than me."

“Be stronger. Don’t flirt with him.” Easier saying than doing it. Guilt twists in her gut. Azriel stepped closer until he was invading her space, craning her neck back, his scorching angry gaze holding her ashamed eyes. “Don’t flirt with my brother,” he repeats, “you are my girlfriend now. Mine. Don’t forget that.” The possessiveness in his voice raises goosebumps in her arms. She liked the way he said the word ‘mine’. His gaze slides up to her forehead, his free hand feeling the bump forming there. Elain hiss softly. “You better ice that.”

“I will.”

“I’m taking you out tomorrow.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

“You’ll want to.”

Elain couldn’t restrain the smile threatening to break free. Their bickering had toned down these days, more on the playful side of the thing than the ‘I hate you’ side. Sometimes she likes to contradict him just for the hell of it.

“Go inside.”

“Okay.”

His hand comes down to her cheek, his thumb moving back and forth against her skin. She holds his wrist, imitation his motion.

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

They don’t move.

“Azriel?”

“Hm?”

“My kiss.” Elain closes her eyes, puckering her lips.

Azriel shakes his head in denial, thinking about how it’s impossible to have a serious conversation with her. Curiously, this doesn’t annoy him today, Azriel founding himself rather entertained by her attempt to be cute. The kiss is closed-mouth, chaste and quick.

Elain blinks in confusion.

“What’s this?”

“Your kiss.”

Elain is in shock. She wanted a good goodnight kiss, one to have lips tingling all night, one to have her stalker neighbor curling her toes in bed later. Where is the man who kissed the life out of her? She wants him back!

“What are you, a nun?”

“I knew you are a pervert. Good things come to those who wait, pervy.” He gives her another quick kiss, nudging her inside her building. “Go. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” She mumbles mildly disoriented, but not for the reasons she’d like.

A few feet from them, inside the silver SUV parked by the curb, Cassian’s unblinking stare didn’t stray from the couple. He had jumped to the front sit as soon as Elain was out, winking her goodbye, the cute photographer blushing as she dipped her head in returned and followed his brother. Off they went, and Cassian staying scrolling on his phone without paying attention to a single thing appearing on the screen.

He didn’t know his brother had it in him, the ability to casually fuck someone. But the longer Cassian looked, the clear it got that this no casual fuck. No man drove they casual fuck home and accompanied them to the door, kissed them goodnight without guaranteeing an ass grab or a boob squeeze. Cassian could not remember seeing the two spending time with each other, didn’t know they were close enough to share rides, to stay in the same vicinity without yelling.  

Seeing his bother kissing Elain for a second time was quite a shock for two reasons. One, his brother wasn’t one to introduce his girls, Cassian had never met a single hook up, or girlfriend, or whatever, he was honestly waiting for Azriel to assume he was gay. Two, the girl he chose to kiss was the farthest thing from what Cassian assumed his brother might like. He always pictured Azriel coming out of the closet to introduce them to his tight-ass boyfriend, someone obsessed with fashion, cold and closed off, who didn’t know how to have fun and spent way too much time in suit pants. You know, someone like his brother.

Elain was nothing like him. The cute brunet with big eyes and a perky behind was easygoing, lively, and had the thing Azriel lacked the most; a good sense of humor. A girl like Elain was a much better fit for someone like him, too bad she was a Flowers and Chocolate kind of girl, and Cassian did not do flowers and chocolate. The idea of having a one night stand with her unsettled him for some reason. She seemed to fragile for that, to pure. He couldn’t help but wonder what the hell had been the common denominator to bring those two closer. How many times had Az come to her place? When he stopped to think about it, Elain hadn’t said her address, but his brother knew where to go. Knew to wait for the light coming to life in an apartment on the third floor, knew to wait for Elain to push her head outside the window, waving him. This development between then must have been going on for a while. And for some reason, this development unsettled Cassian.

When he saw the two of them getting cozy in the parking lot his instinct was to interrupt, so he asked for a ride. While in the car, Cassian noticed that he didn’t know where Azriel was taking Elain. Were they spending the night together? A lump of rocks settled on his stomach. It was impossible to say where the fuck they were going in the long silent ride. Before he knew it, Cassian was inventing some shit about his bathroom to have an excuse to crash in his brother’s. Azriel might not be gay, but he was a prude. No way he was having sex with some else nearby.

Azriel put the car in reverse and Cassian spread his legs on the leather seat, a lazy smirk blooming; his favorite weapon.

"Kissing your employees goodnight now, huh. Is that new Union's Right?” Azriel didn’t bother to answer, making a U-turn. “Till yesterday you were all ‘Cassian, stop hitting on my employees. Cassian, stop fucking my models,’ When I do it, it’s harassment, when you do it, it’s a ride.”

Silence.

“Your tune changed pretty fast, little bro.”

Nothing.

“I wonder how many of the girls under you, you are fucking,”

“Why do you care?” Azriel snapped. Finally.

“Because you care when I do.” Cassian shrugged, pretending to be unfazed. Now he would get some answers. “Hypocrite much?”

“Contrary to you, I'm no fucking her and never looking at her face again. I'm dating her.”

…Dating her…

"And how many other?"

"Just her. Elain is my one and only girlfriend," he slid his gaze to Cassian. "What about you Cass? How many others?"

"Just Mor," he answered absently.

Dating her...

Dating her...

Annoyed, Cassian ran his tongue over his teeth.

No, he definitely didn’t like this development.

[inkofamethyst]

October 2, 2023

After two and a half days of illness, I'm pretty much back to regular functioning (with occasional sneezes but at least the sinus pressure has majorly receded). This does mean that I'm about two days behind where I wanted to be, but I'm going to have to try as best as I can to catch up so Thursday doesn't ~suck~. I don't really want my sleep to suffer though [edit 2, next morning: failed, reverse bedtime procrastination strikes again], that's a habit I'd like to leave back in undergrad if possible. Man, I can't wait until I'm done with (undergrad-level) classes (though then I'll have to structure my own days which is another kind of challenge).

Anyway back to the house conversation, I'm obviously facing a major hurdle preventing ownership: the down payment. I know I listed out all of those "little" savings goals a bit ago, but preparing for a down payment is a huge goal, like tens upon tens of thousands of dollars in some places, and I don't want that to bite into my emergency fund which I am also trying to build (though the emergency fund will likely be much smaller than the down payment goal). The toughest part is that saving in grad school is terribly difficult. The first year and a half are so are going to be weird because I don't really know what my taxes will look like, but budgeting should become easier as I settle in.

And then and then not only do you have to do a down payment, but also hoa fees, monthly mortgage, insurance, figuring out how to get things fixed when (not if) they break, not to mention all the fees you have to worry about before moving in and all the people you have to pay... so many things to consider, so much cash to raise. And like yes I know that serious saving requires serious sacrifice, but bread and roses man. I wanna get a bass guitar in two years, I'm solidifying a wardrobe, I wanna keep sewing. I don't wanna be so single-track-minded that I'm totally miserable for years (like they tell phd students to not let Being In School stop them from living their lives).

I need to talk to a financial advisor, agh. So many things online are saying that renting could be the better move,,,,, but something deep in my bones tells me that it's propaganda of some sort.

God the way I could've been absolutely insufferable as a (metaphorical) finance bro had I actually taken accounting seriously in high school. Like I totally could've gotten a degree in finance and gone into consulting had I not taken money for granted in high school and really thought seriously about it. Honestly...? That probably would've been an easier way to live than the path I've chosen, but I suspect that what I'm doing will be a bit of fun and probably more intellectually stimulating. So that's okay. I guess.

Another funny thing about this whole ~house~ mini-obsession is that it was merely a month ago that I was freaking out (mildly) about the idea of moving away from home lol.

On to different topic entirely, Knowt has got to be my fav quizlet successor. Having anatomy experience is definitely making these practical cram sessions go by faster.

Today I'm thankful that I'm mostly back to normal and also that I decided to go to this social hour thing where I might've made a new friend (someone who knows my puzzle-friend actually lol)! Now comes the tough part--finding and scheduling things to do with them. It's not like high school where you are with people all the time and come to learn who they are gradually. This takes a lot more conscious effort I feel like.

Okay, enough time spent here. I have (too many) things to do.

[edit, like 20 minutes later: I think I just worked through necessity vs sufficiency in my head and im so proud]

[theladysherlock]

BYE Story Time

One of my favorite Ethan moments is when he tried to filibuster the end of the world.

You have to understand, I did not expect this campaign to last so long. I made Ethan as an improv bro, frat boy adjacent bard, thinking that the campaign would fizzle out four sessions in. He was a joke character. I made him cringe on purpose. He was a super-senior who was captain of a failing improv comedy group, and he knew he was painfully un-cool. He was a deeply un-cool person in a party of awesome, powerful people and that was part of his charm.

The other important thing to understand is that throughout the entire campaign I rolled like shit. I've never had consistently dogshit rolls with any other character, just Ethan. On top of that, he had an extremely mid build-- even as a level eleven bard, his charisma score was only 16. He failed often. So often that it ended up being a running joke. As the campaign went on, I played a bit with his Insecurity about being the weakest link on the team. He had failed his senior year of college (though he was always quick to say he failed on purpose), he had no future plans or job prospects, and everything he tried to do combat-wise tended to fizzle out. Surely the others saw him as an annoying, stupid, stubborn fuck-up, and they only put up with him because he was good for a cure wounds in a pinch.

Anyway. The world was going to end.

The party had had a week to convince some demigods to vote to save the world, and we failed. 4-3, they voted to create the world anew, going far enough back in time until they had a blank enough slate to remake the world in their image. Everyone in the party was trapped, unable to use their magic or their weapons to stop whatever was about to happen.

And then, as a last-ditch effort, Ethan raised his hand and started asking questions about policy. "How far back in time would the world go? Fifty years? Would fifty years enough time to undo the damage? If not, won't you all just end up here again, voting on whether or not to start over? Shouldn't there be a solid plan in place before wiping away history all willy-nilly? Is this plan in phases? How long is the rebuilding process going to take? What happens to the other planes when you wipe this one out?"

He couldn't get out of his restraints; he's not strong enough (of course he's not, he's the weakest party member, remember?) But maybe, if he distracted the main villain long enough, one of his friends could break free. The kid whose favorite thing to do is "yes, and-" people was going to buy his friends time by coming up with as many stupid questions as possible. And maybe, if he poked enough holes, the other demigods would start to think that the plan was more trouble than it was worth.

Obviously, this didn't work. The DM had a huge, climactic fight we had to get to, and it would spoil the fun if the session devolved into me poking holes in proposed infrastructure for three hours. But the futility of his attempt makes me love it more. The only thing that Ethan can do in this moment is one of the things he's self conscious about: being a fucking nuisance. There's no "oh it turns out I'm not actually annoying" moment where he realizes at the last second that his friends loved him all along. He's weaponizing the flaws that he's insecure about! Yes, he's annoying! Yes, he's stubborn! And he's going to make that the main villain's problem for as long as possible! Fuck you!

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Omg megumi and Yuta are my favs after Inumaki LMAO (I’m Lowk salty that we did not get ANY lore exploration of Inumaki but maybe it’s better that way so he stays alive atp)

No the hating mainstream things to be “unique” is so eugh honestly like just because somethings mainstream doesn’t mean it’s basic…but exactly I’ve definitely lost the spark with jjk I think it just got too confusing? And I was losing the essence of the story and idk I know geges said before that that they’ve wanted to end jjk earlier but something about the editor saying no…? I feel like sometimes the lack of motivation kinda peeks through with how the story was done….which I get because writers block/art block and just burn out in general is so real I just wish circumstances were different lmao…

Also yeah the “jjk has the best female characters” ideation…hmm..it’s def better than the blatantly sexualized ones but at this point it kinda feels like a bare minimum/low standard thing that they ARENT sexualized like in most shounen content that makes people say this (i agree like wtf happened with yuki we barely saw her honestly?? Don’t get me started on tsumiki i was expecting them to take a route where maybe she’d actually wake up and play a more conscious role but what the hell was that)

NO LITERALLY im all for analysis and leaving some things open ended but idk in jjk it was just excessive that it turned into confusion like…the constant guessing and insane analysis that needed to be done to clarify things or try to parse things together is not my favorite…agreed that the story should not have to rely on deep level analysis to be understood!

Yeah I’ve definitely lost my emotional ties with jjk its just like well I got this far i might as well see how it ends

LMAO WIGGLY that made me think of a worm on a string but I see what you mean! One track soccer mind doesn’t give much room to explore lolll but it was executed very well hehe

LMAOO it’s the pipeline of shitting on side characters to loving them but I can’t with his hair cut…also don’t think he’s ugly like I guess he’s objectively relatively good looking? But yeah I never fully saw the appeal (it’s funny because I know a good amount of people who prefer him to Rin when I’m the opposite lol) and the Gojo aura LOL

THE ACCURACY IS INSANE the way I would have never known if you didn’t mention it (I don’t think I would’ve even noticed if I wrote it) the fact checking goes crazy LMAO but I love it honestly the research def gives the story more depth and feel to it rather than just a one shot/story that kinda just floats in the void of the universe or something…gives it ties to reality and an actual grounding in the world! (This was worded so badly lmao)

It’s always Karasu….I think it’s partially also because some manga scenes of him are a little goofy because they give him that smile that almost cuts across his entire face to give him that kinda evil looking smirk….and the anime style kinda striking that awkward balance of maintaining those features but not putting enough detail to go full asshole def makes it a little goofy LOL (but in art they put more effort into like the S2 trailer/teaser visual he looks great with all the shading)

And LMAOO IKR!!! I always think back to that I’m like KURONA WAS 4??? Bro wasn’t even on the field in the u20 match so I was Lowk a bit shocked haha, iirc Kiyora was also 5?? Like the discrepancy makes me laugh ik people probably developed during the second selection but the drastic change always gets me

Your tag with the arrow has me feeling idk why I found that so funny LOL

Also SHSHS drowsy allergy medicine is the worst…I hope you weren’t having a severe reaction or anything and also that you feel better soon!!!

-Karasu anon

there’s def a lot of areas where there could be more lore (rika’s character page is so odd??) just because of how many characters there are i think!! but i do feel like the story is wrapping up so some things might just be left as questions. or not, who knows!!

yeah there’s def a cycle of like thing gets popular -> everyone loves it -> it becomes so over saturated that people start hating on it to be different -> it becomes overhated -> in a few years everyone realizes it wasn’t that bad. the biggest problem w the “hating as a trend” is that it takes away from legitimate criticisms of the work, as fans will lump it into general hating for no reason.

besides just analyses being so important for even basic comprehension of the plot, i’ve noticed a lot of the storyline is dependent on random interviews gege has done. like nobara’s death only being confirmed because of an interview years after it was written is RIDICULOUS to me (even though i already thought she was dead tbh but there was enough speculation in the fandom that it obviously wasn’t clear enough in-story). things like interviews and character pages should give you fun additional information that can help you expand on a character (oh rin likes horror games!! karasu is scared of the water!! etc etc) but it shouldn’t be the MAIN source of KEY info on a character. idk i think a lot of people love what jjk could be at this point and not necessarily what it is.

YESS i honestly was not super pleased by the female characters in jjk!! they are cool, and they COULD be well written, but they aren’t. i think in terms of its contemporaries, demon slayer does female characters better than jjk (again, not saying they’re perfect because they aren’t, but, say, shinobu is a stronger character to me than even maki).

jjk is a sunk cost fallacy for me HAHA i’ve been into it for over 2.5 years now so i have to see how it ends but i don’t really care atp what happens 😭 i’m like an unbiased outsider…idk it’s sad i wish i could’ve stayed invested but i only even know leaks are dropping because my social media blows up whenever they do.

OMG i also think rin is better looking than sae but i find sae easier to write for some reason?? idk why 😫 like sae is canonically only interested in soccer at least rin likes horror stuff but honestly between the two of them it feels easier to separate sae from soccer than rin?? if only marginally so hahaha. sae occasionally expresses regret at only knowing abt soccer so i feel like he’d be more willing to open himself to new experiences if sufficiently prodded whereas rin is SO invested in soccer (because soccer = his relationship w his brother) that he doesn’t even seem like he could have a proper friendship w someone let alone an actual relationship 😔

it really is always karasu…i do think manga can get away w exaggerating certain features (ex karasu’s smirk) that anime can’t so they have to figure out a way to balance it — maybe it’s the static nature of manga vs the motion of anime?? although karasu hasn’t been smirking much in pxg vs bm 😕 give my boy his swag otoya back!! HAHA but i also think he was such a background character in that one scene of season one that they just didn’t gaf abt him. he’s looked really good in all of the s2 promotional material so i have faith he will be done well!!

KURONA AND KIYORA MY RANDOM AHH KINGS 🙏🏻 they came outta nowhere but they’re slaying atm…ig the hundred goal thing only tested a very specific aspect of playing soccer?? like shooting without anyone on you which doesn’t really translate to an actual game 🤔 like in bllk vs u20 they needed defenders and midfielders who wouldn’t necessarily score but were integral to the game 👆🏻 plus they didn’t all go in at the same time so better players like tabieitaken and shidou were ranked lower than randoms like tokimitsu probably just because they entered later 🤷🏻‍♀️

it wasn’t that bad!! i just got like overwhelmingly sleepy because i haven’t taken any in forever so i just crashed instead of staying up longer like i usually so haha. but i’m hoping to get the one shot out soon!! it’s pretty dumb but more karasu content is more karasu content 🤩

[beefcakenpinkyring]

Thoughts are getting heavy again so I need to unload.

I took a ride on the elevator today, with mom and lil bro. The cubicle went dark, quiet when we thought we pressed the button but didn't. I clicked again, saved us. Mom still let a sound out. It clanged, shook and wiggled all the way up ; coughed twice before letting us out. My heart sunk down to my stomach on a lift of its own.

I know better than to avoid my triggers, so yeah I went down the stairs to get the papers mom forgot, but on the way up, I took the elevator. Alone this time.

I clicked right, this time firm enough, tongue busy calling to God the Almighty. It clanged, shook and wiggled all the way to the top ; jerked twice before spitting me out.

My back muscles probably did not unclench since then, about six hours ago. Or maybe they were tight since yesterday, when sleep was a dream. Or maybe since the day before, when reality seemed warped, striped, marred. Or maybe my back muscles were made to clench, relentless, unrelenting, trying to keep upright a curving bad, caving in.

Sometimes, time stops, and all that exists is sound.

I listen in.

Unmoving, unbreathing, unliving.

Time stops, my body too, my heart almost.

Everything disappears and all is left is shells, threatening in their weight, frieghtening in their emptiness.

The night is what I fear most.

The night when my brain is left to fend off for itself. Where I am alone, maybe the only one still breathing on purpose.

Every night I feel like the sole visitor of a silent grave ; one guilty survivor in the aftermath of a mass murder.

I suppose that fear alone wouldn't have fucked me up as much. If it weren't for the lonely fog, the dooming guilt, the mute helplessness, the overwhelming weakness, I wouldn't have been as deeply disturbed.

It feels impossible to ignore the fear. It holds signs screaming "I told you so" everytime wind blows too hard, honks sound too loud or elevators struggle too much.

Fear promises a time where you will be surprised, fatally so. And since life is as volatile as the breeze, fear never breaks a promise. And in the meantime, my guards are permenantly up. Danger is always around the corner, and worrying enough to never be unprepared is the only way to survive.

Sometimes, it tires me. It exhausts me to no end.

I circle back to the guilt and hate myself for being a slave to what I cannot bring myself to change. I lack the discipline to be who I want to have been when breathing becomes a conscious effort and sleep becomes a remote goal.

Listing triggers, planning prep, strategizing, expressing, unlearning and relearning. Shit I wish wasn't as cold and hard and flavorless as solid med pills.

I am grateful for every ounce of help I've gotten regardless, and I will keep praying.

My God, please assist me in regaining trust in my body. My God, please make me a better believer, and a better practicer. My God, please give me the faith I need to put my weights down, and live. Live righteously, moderately with just enough contentment to unclench my muscles. My God, forgive me. For if at many times, I have escaped sin, the thought of it never leaves me. For if many times, I have been repulsed enough to stay away, my God I still hate me. My God, I have never liked to cry of pain and yet I have always believed it is the only valid reason to cry. My God, I believe in you, and I know my tears are only of frustration and exhaustion, but my God, I wish I knew how to live and die without overfeeling every moment. My God. My God, who has created my heart, my mind, my soul. Who has the Earth, the sky, the soil. My God, who makes ground shake, waves break and tornadoes swirl. My God, the Almighty, the Creator, the One, the Only. My God please accept my thousandth apology. Please give me the strength to keep my word this time. Please forgive me, God, for I have to, I need to forgive myself. Please God, I see your punishment in everything ; I see it in me ; and I don't know if this ferocious consciousness is a blessing, but it is undoubtedly waking me. My God, I want your Heaven, immensely so. My God, please forgive me, please allow me to feel Your satisfaction and grace before I go.