#like bitch i have bills too and mine are higher than yours. get your fucking shit together i hate you

[hellfireeddiemunson]

beating my mother to a pulp in my mind

[thran-duils]

Was Ich Liebe (P.1)

Title: Was Ich Liebe (Part One) Summary: Fem!Reader x Dark!Tony Stark.  Tony becomes enamored with a stripper at a club his hedonistic friend Thor owns. A casual sexual relationship quickly becomes possessive and the reader sees more of the underground mafia life than she would like to. The cherry on top is that Tony is married and so is she. Him to a woman who has no intention of losing her throne at any cost and the reader to a deadbeat alcoholic. Feeling trapped by both her previous life and the suffocating hold Tony is trying to put on her, the reader steals away in the night, which is not going to go over well. Words: 4,301 Warnings (for whole fic, more may be added): Dub-con, smut, infidelity, stripping, vaginal fingering, public sex, possessive behavior, angst, degradation kink, violence, physical abuse, domestic violence, language, drug use, alcoholism, death Author’s Note: I did not have the ability to do a one shot. As usual, this is 18+.

Intro || Part Two || Masterpost (mobile) || Fanfic masterpost

Your legs and core were burning as you ended your routine to “Walk” by Pantera. You slowly slid down the pole as it was coming to an end, ending in a deep squat at the end, ass towards the crowd.

Turning back against the lights shining at you, you crawled on your knees seductively taking bills being held out and swiping up ones that had been tossed.

The tips were good tonight. You swiped your top from the ground you had thrown off halfway through much to the pleasure of the crowd, showing off your glow in the dark skull hand pasties. Happy autumn. And you walked off, holding your cash and looking forward to switching back to six inch heels to walk around now that your set was over.

Fixing your winged eyeliner, you spotted Thor coming in through the door to the dressing room. Everyone straightened up at his presence. He came straight over to you though. “Perle room, Y/N.”

That was a private customer room. It was easier being on the stage because you were blinded from the crowd for a lot of it with the lights. One on one was harder to dissociate since they were the only other soul in the room.

“You’re picking the songs. He paid for three.”

That was always a gamble; depending on what genre the customer liked, it could go up or down hill really quick.

Thor leaned in close and whispered in your ear, “And he’s a friend of mine, so behave, you hear? Make sure he leaves satisfied. He loves ass so grind, yeah?”

A friend of his was shady no doubt. But you nodded, making eye contact through the mirror. Thor smirked before planting a kiss on your temple.

“Good set by the way.”

“Thank you,” you said as he straightened up and turned to leave you.

Shit. That meant you needed to change. Which is why you always brought an extra set of lingerie. You went to your locker and pulled out the black set.

<><><>

Since it was going to be more intimate, you chose “Was Ich Liebe” by Rammstein to start. It would allow a lot of grinding.

When you walked in, he was already sitting on the opposite of the dark room in the black light. Even in the darkness, you recognized the man. It was not hard to do so with his high standing in the mob.

Tony Stark.

He was to be treated like a high-ranking customer and you were doing to do that.

You started on the pole, circling slowly before climbing and hooking your leg to spin controlled around.

Sliding down, you crawled on all fours to him, pulling yourself up by holding onto his knees that were already spread in anticipation of you. Turning around you ground your ass into his pelvis. Leaning back your face brushed his.

“What’s your name?” he breathed into your ear. You told him your fake name and his lips tugged up at the corner briefly. “You’re real name, sweetheart.”

“That is my real name.”

He chuckled, his nose nuzzling into your neck. “If you insist so, sweetheart.”

You fell into the music, alternating between him and the pole. Your second song started, “Problem” by Natalia Kills.

You moved back to his lap. His hands ran up and down your thighs as you grinded. Which was okay until his fingers slipped past your thong, cupping your sex as you ground into him. You lost rhythm with your lap dance and his breath was hot at your ear. “Just like that, keep going. You are doing beautifully.”

Men getting handsy in the private rooms was not unusual. Especially not ones who paid like he had but you workers knew to dispel it as much as possible. Do not let them get too bold.

You had to be crafty about how you maneuvered out of the situation though. He was Thor’s friend and you knew he was powerful. You resumed grinding, and his nose brushed your neck, inhaling deeply. His fingers threatened to push in and you reacted quickly. You moved out of his lap to dip down in your dancing, forcing his hand away. You were still doing what Thor wanted, giving him a good show. Your hands gripping your ankles, you moved your ass in rhythm with the song.

Tony was not going to be deterred though. Gripping your hips firmly, he pulled you back into his lap with a rough tug. He forced your legs open again and his hand was snaking past your panties again.

As the song sang about claiming your body, Tony’s fingers slid into your pussy and you jumped away from his embrace. You stood a couple feet away, holding your arms tightly around yourself. He was frozen, looking at you expectantly.

“You… you’re not supposed to touch us. It’s against the rules,” you told him, keeping the tremor out of your voice miraculously. You knew what trouble could come from denying a man like him.

Tony brought his fingers to his mouth and sucked them off slowly, tasting you. Your heart was hammering with the intense stare off he was having with you. He was handsome as all hell, but you knew he was the type of dangerous you should not have in your life.

He finally shrugged. “Noted. My apologies. I’ll behave, scouts honor.”

He beckoned you back with two fingers.

You swallowed your unease and came back, resuming. He kept his hands off of you like he vowed he was going to. Still, you spent a lot of the time on the pole during your final song “Inertia Creeps” by Massive Attack.

At the end, Tony stood up and he came up to you at the pole. You looked up at him with curiosity; men usually did not move when you left the room.

He smiled devilishly down at you and held out a couple of folded hundreds. He was giving you $200 in tips? Your eyes widened and he forced them into your hand.

Before you could react, he leaned in and caught your mouth. His lips were soft but his force was rough. You were dazed when he pulled away. He winked at you.

“I’ll be seeing you again soon, sweetheart. Thanks for the sweet dreams.”

<><><>

Next weekend you were called to the Perle room again. And again, you found Tony there. He chose the set list this time and had you starting out with “Dissolved Girl” by Massive Attack. He had enjoyed the other song so much, he wanted to see you perform more of the album in front of him.

“I’ve tried to stop thinking about you. It hasn’t worked.”

His hands came up, caressing your breasts. You turned your head and his hands loosened. He laughed, nipping at your ear.

“Right, right. The rules. Darling, do you know how hard it is to remember those around you?”

“I’ve heard that before. It doesn’t make the rules any less real,” you returned, pulling away from his embrace and sashaying back to the pole.

He was watching you hungrily as you worked yourself around the pole. There was a storm brewing in his eyes.

“How would you like to make some money outside this club?”

Dipping low, you met his eyes and saw he was serious.

“If you’re asking me to fuck you, I’m married.”

That was information you rarely gave out. But Tony seemed the type of man you needed to put a hard wall up with.

Tony gave you a wide grin. “No, not fucking. Just fun. I wanna have a night out. I just want company.”

Some of the girls did escort work like that. And since it was outside the club you got to keep everything, no tax was taking off the top. And your electricity bill was going to be higher next month since winter was coming.

You did not answer him immediately, rolling the idea around. Knees spread on the ground, dancing, you met his eyes again. He was still waiting for an answer.

Getting back up sultrily, you came to sit back in his lap. He hummed in approval as you said, “Sure. Where we going?”

<><><>

“Going to whore yourself out again?” Michael asked, his words already slurring.

You were wearing a peacoat coat over your dress but he could still it was short. He disapproved of you stripping but he always backtracked when you were able to pay the bills. And more so, bring him his favorite bottle of liquor every other night. Especially since he rarely brought any money in himself. You felt an obligation to him since you had been high school sweethearts.

“For your information, no. I’m going out with friends.”

A white lie.

“What friends? Your co-hooker friends? Glad you keep such great company. A bunch of pathetic bitches just like you, starving for validation…”

“No. Well-paying friends who want my company,” you spat without thinking, angry he was always putting you down.

He got up out of his chair and you moved quickly. The last time he had laid hands on you, you had to take a week off of work and Thor had been pissed.

Your hand was on the door handle, and you had it opened quick. He stumbled and that gave you enough time to get the door closed and move down the hallway. The elevator was not an option cause it was too slow and you took the stairwell, not missing him yelling expletives at you.

He would be passed out well before you got home.

<><><>

Your dress clung tight to your body. You looked around the restaurant, worrying that you were going to be stood up. You had been here for twenty minutes and had ordered a glass of wine.

You were halfway through it without a sign of him. This place was five star, and you did not want to do a walk of shame.

Thankfully for you, Tony sauntered in five minutes later and he slid into the booth across from you, adjusting his jacket as he did. Leaning back against the booth, he threw his arm across the back of it, relaxing back, looking at you. You had chosen the seat across the table.

“You’re punctual. That’s new.”

“Was I not supposed to be?”

“Darling. I never am. Next time let’s ride together. Reservations for 7? I’m here at 7:30 at best and they know to keep the table for me.”

The first date had not even started, and he was already talking about the next.

He suddenly noticed you had a chair and as the waiter approached. He gestured at you and said, “What’s this chair doing here? Is there supposed to be more people than can fit on this booth?”

“Uh, no, Mr. Stark. It was just put there in case someone wanted it—"

“Do you want it?” Tony asked you, interrupting.

You knew the answer he wanted. Calmly, you stood up and moved around the table to sit right up next to him. His hand lying across the back of the booth caressed your shoulder.

“No, here is fine,” you said.

“That’s what I thought. Now, let’s get you something delectable to eat to match how I know you taste. Top notch deserves the same in return.”

He winked salaciously and you blushed. This off-limits escorting was not going to last long; you could sense that. He was not a man that would be satiated with just a taste. He wanted the whole course.

And that whole course was you spread out for him whenever he so pleased.

<><><>

On the fourth date, he took the plunge.

His town car took the opposite way from your turn, and you looked at him.

“Where are we going?”

“Somewhere where we can enjoy each other fully.”

You opened your mouth, but Tony held a finger up to your lips, winking. There was a sinister feeling behind that wink, and you closed your lips. He smiled in approval, “You’re so well behaved, sweetheart. You’re going to be a lot of fun.”

At the hotel room, legs spread wide, Tony’s large hands held you at your waist as he drove up into you hard and quick. He was not a gentle lover.

He rocked forward quickly and in one fell swoop had managed to maneuver you to pull you with him and you ended up on top. Lining himself back up with your entrance, he plummeted back in, resuming his unforgiving pace. You cried as he held your arms tight, keeping you in place to use like his own personal toy. You were an object to him that he wanted to possess.

<><><>

Leg crossed over the other, relaxing back in the armchair, Tony demanded, “What’s her name?”

Thor told Tony your fake name without missing a beat as he worked across the desk. Tony had come here for answers and Thor would be hard pressed to give them away completely.

Tony stared at him across the table unimpressed and Thor stopped typing, noticing. He simpered, “Tony, it’s for her safety.”

“Are you afraid for her? Because of me?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because her husband is a real piece of work.” He noticed the look on shocked Tony’s face, and he said, “Yeah, she wasn’t lying about that. I’m assuming she told you she was married. He might be a deadbeat, but he knows how to load a punch. If he found out she was doing more than dancing, I would be afraid for her. He’s already made her miss a couple weeks of work because of his Rambo fists when he’s gotten riled up just about the dancing. Which makes no sense to me because he barely brings money in, and she is essentially the sole breadwinner.”

Tony cocked an eyebrow. “And you want her to stay with that?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Seems like you did.”

Thor snorted, “No, I just know what lengths you are willing to go to get your way. And I’m not sure I want you taking this on. As your friend. It’s advice.”

“It won’t be hard. I want her, so it’ll be worth the effort,” Tony said.

<><><>

“It was nice,” you told Tony as you sat in the back of his town car when he asked you how you had enjoyed the night.

He had taken you to a high-end seafood restaurant on a large boat docked at the marina. You meant what you said; it was delicious.

“I thought you would like it,” Tony stated, scooting closer and an arm slipped around your shoulder, holding you closer.

He was staring into your eyes, and you smelled the bourbon on his breath. You no doubt reeked of alcohol yourself. There was something lurking beneath his gaze though. And you soon found out what.

“Y/N,” Tony murmured. You froze and he smiled at your shock. His fingers trailed up your arm and came to cup you under the chin. “That’s such a lovely name.”

Unable to stop yourself, you asked, “How…?”

“Money talks,” Tony informed you as his hand spread to hold you beneath the jaw, fingers trailing behind your ear. You tried to pull away but his arm around you held tight, stopping your movement. He smirked briefly, “I’m not here to hurt you, darling. Don’t ever think that. I just simply adore you. I wanted to know about you. I want to take this further.”

“Further than just the bed?”

“Yes. I want you entirely.”

His firm tone was sincere. What had you gotten yourself into?

He pressed the button, and the partition went up between the two of you and the front seat. His hand left your neck to snake up your dress. “I want to call you by your real name when I take you this time.” He kissed you roughly and his lips brushed yours as he vowed, “I’ll have you whenever and wherever.”

<><><>

Months later, you awoke in the king bed in the mountain top suite. Sneaking a peek at the bedside clock, you saw it was almost four in the morning. You needed to leave. Tossing a look at Tony, seeing he was still sleeping, you tried to unravel yourself from his embrace as gently as you could.

But it was futile.

Tony yanked you back to him as you tried to crawl out of the bed. You protested lightly and he shushed you by roughly rolling you towards him and pressing his lips to yours, growing in intensity as he woke from slumber. His leg wrapped around you, trapping you against him. His cock was already growing hard again after the short nap the two of you had taken after the last tussle in the sheets.

You tried to make space as you said, “You know if I’m going to get home the time I said I was going to, I have to leave now.”

You were hours from home. He had taken you up into the mountains for the last couple of days. You had said you were going on a work trip with your coworkers per your managers request to dance at a new club. Michael would never know. That is unless you came home at the wrong time; then he would start to get suspicious.

The last couple of days had been really nice. Tony had been kind… until tonight. He always treated you to the best and made sure you were well taken care of. But he had gotten… off when he noticed you tonight having taken a nice tone and smiled at a busboy as you dropped off dishes near the kitchen entrance that was out of your way. You had only been trying to be nice to the guy. You knew what it was like working customer service and you only wanted to make his job a little bit easier. And he was not hard on the eyes. Receiving small flirtations was harmless in your eyes and it boosted your mood. It had done just that for the guy.

But upon coming back to the room, Tony was callous, and you had to pry him out of his shell with sweet words and caresses. He had been condescending, asking you if you got off on pleasing men in front of him. When you had told him you did not know what he was talking about he had torn your dress down the front, ignoring your shocked cries at his brutal behavior, and forced you onto the bed. The tatters of the dress had been torn from you completely and he had done the same to your underwear and then forcibly removed your bra from you. He had not even waited for you to get wet before slamming up into you.

“Who gives a fuck what that good-for-nothing husband of yours thinks?” He nipped at your neck, sucking in roughly. His hands gripped and held you close.

“My face does,” you retorted, trying to unwind yourself from him. But Tony was quick, locking you back down. “Tony, please.”

You managed to unlock yourself despite his grabbing and you slid off the bed, hitting the ground, your ass hitting it roughly. He exhaled sharply, glaring down at you and you moved quickly backwards, getting to your feet unsteadily. He was already getting out of the bed, and you moved quickly, snatching up your bag. Your dress was ruined, which was no matter. You could return in your sweats and top.

Tony was on you though and his grip on your bag was tight and he yanked back, drawing you with it. You let go as you stumbled as to not lose your balance and face plant. He used his momentum to throw the bag across the room by the sliding glass door.

“Tony! Stop playing games!” you said desperately, trying to move towards where he threw it, but he stepped in your way. “You know I have to get ready! You can’t be jealous of him. You know what this is.”

“So what if I’m jealous?” Tony asked, continuing to advance towards you and you kept walking backwards. Your back hit the wall, stopping your advancement. “The thought of you with him makes me sick.”

“He’s my husband—"

Tony slammed his fist on the counter, and you jumped back against the wall, causing it to shake slightly. “Stop making fucking excuses! He’s a piece of shit and you know it! Why won’t you just accept me?”

“Tony, I do—” you tried to placate him.

“Don’t you lie to me,” he warned in a snarl. “If that were true, you would be loyal to me and me only. You know how I feel. I want you. Wholly.”

That was so unfair of him to say when you knew he was married. But you also knew better than to point that out. Not when he was this belligerent; you knew belligerent men were hardly able to be reckoned with and calmed down. No, you needed to use other facts.

“And you did, this whole weekend,” you pointed out in shaky tones.

Tony’s laugh was maniac, “’Weekend’. Yeah, that’s what I mean when I say wholly.”

You tried to dodge around him quickly to go towards your bag, but he jolted out and grabbed you around the waist, swinging you around. You kicked your legs as he dragged you. You bounced on the mattress, not fully on it but not fully off it either. You grabbed at the sheets to get leverage and you got grounded just as his hand closed around your ankle. You pulled away with ferocity, landing on the other side of the bed. Scrambling, you grabbed your bag. Tony’s arm came around you, pulling you back.

“Tony!” you cried out, your voice cracking. “Please stop!”

There was a sharp knock at the door and the two of you froze. Tony swore underneath his breath and let you go, causing you to stumble because you had been relying on him.

He snatched up his briefs and threw them on before storming towards the door as another knock came.

He opened the door a crack and sighed frustrated, “What?”

You heard Happy, “Uh, I was coming to get Y/N… it’s time to take her back? I went to bed super early so I would be ready to take her back now?”

You were relieved to hear someone with sense.

“Fuck!” Tony snapped, tossing the door open and you squeaked, still naked. You rushed towards the hall to grab your sweats and sweater out and throw those on.

When you emerged again, Happy was waiting by the door and Tony was necking the bottle of bourbon he had bought. He slammed it back down on the counter and glared at you. You went to go towards him to kiss him goodbye to try to start to smooth things over, but he held up his hand forcibly and you stopped. He took another swig without looking at you.

Hurt, you turned towards Happy, who was looking at Tony with scrutiny as well before following you out the door. You fell asleep on the car ride home and when you arrived back at your place, Tony still had not texted you.

<><><>

Clutching your duffel bag, you climbed the stairs a week later to your apartment. Tony had been clipped in his responses since Happy had taken you home. You were growing simultaneously frustrated and nervous with possessive, aggressive behavior.

Upon walking in, you saw the living room was upturned. Your blood chilled and you immediately dropped your bag, going for the switchblade in your front pocket of it. It was out as you grabbed your cell phone out of your bag.

Just as you were about to dial 911, Tony emerged from the hallway, holding up his hand. “Darling, it’s just me.”

Dropping the hand with your phone, you demanded, “’Just you’? What are you doing?”

Tony shrugged, “What I needed to do.”

You did not like the way that sounded at all. And then you noticed all the blood on his hands and on the wetness on his black jacket, which was no doubt more blood. Your hand clutched your switchblade tighter. Tony’s eyes dropped to it, and he looked back up at you.

“Sweetheart, there’s no need for that. It’s just me.”

“’Just you’? Where’s Michael?”

Tony rolled his eyes, annoyed. He turned his back and walked towards the kitchen. He flipped the switch on in there as he moved towards the sink. You moved to follow him and upon seeing more of the kitchen, you saw Carol and Rhodes were sitting at the table, having a drink.

“Where’s Michael?” you repeated.

Washing his hands in the sink now, without a care for the blood splattering, Tony told you, “I could have used a gun, but this was personal.”

The horror of what he was admitting without outright saying it was washing down on you. Your hand wavered, threatening to drop your switchblade.

“You…you…” you stammered; your chest was tight.

Tony continued rinsing the blood off of his hands, unbothered. He finished as you stood there frozen by your shock. Shaking his hands off, he wiped them on his black jeans and turned back to face you. As soon as he started to come close, you regained sense of self and your hand gripped tighter on your blade again.

Tony was not having any of that. He was quick and gripped your wrist tightly, twisting it so you cried out, dropping the blade. He held you up to the wall by your throat.

His word was law sinking around you, “No more excuses, Y/N. You’re all mine now.”

~~~

Song list to set the mood for me while writing:

Was Ich Liebe -- Rammstein Walk -- Pantera Problem -- Natalia Kills Inertia Creeps -- Massive Attack Dissolved Girl -- Massive Attack Just For Me -- Saint Jhn feat. Sza

Marvel tags: @coconutqueen21 @undecidedsworld @holl2712 @agustdowney  @biiskuitx

[spnfanficpond]

June 2020 Angel Fish Awards

(New Angel Fish design by @slytherkins!!)

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. While the Pond was founded to support the Guppies, everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that by opening this up as a Pond wide system, we’ll be able to share the love as far as it can go.

NOTE: WE’VE BEEN HAVING OCCASIONAL PROBLEMS WITH ASKS GOING MISSING. Please use the Submit button when submitting your nominations and make sure you’re signed into Tumblr or your URL won’t show. (If the form asks for your name and email address, then you’re not signed in.) If you like, you can also send a message to Michelle @mrswhozeewhatsis or Mana @manawhaat to check and make sure we got your submission.

Be sure to read through this whole post as people who were nominated more than once only had one tag activated for tumblr tagging purposes!

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE JUNE’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Nonimated by @thegirlwhorunswithwinchesters

I Thought You Were Going To Die (oneshot) by @fun-and-fandoms

My nominations for the month wouldn’t be complete without a little bit of angst. Though this one isn’t just that. If you’re easily triggered by mentions of depression and its symptoms, this one’s not for you. But it’s an important topic and I will always encourage any creator who uses their art to remind people it’s okay to talk about it. (Note from Kale, this was actually submitted in May but I missed it.) 

More to Me (oneshot) by @becs-bunker

No spoilers, but I’m so glad this ended the way it did. So sweet <3

Help  (oneshot) by @blushingjared

I came across this fic and was immediately intrigued. Then I started reading and I was captivated from the first sentence until the very last. The author did such a good job with setting the scene and painting the right picture.

Talking Bodies (oneshot) by @ne-gans

This AU-Sam is such a huge weakness of mine. That, in combination with this dangerously filthy masterpiece, is nothing short of perfection.

Nominated by @focusonspn

Into The Woods (series) by @amanda-teaches

So well written, interesting plot and great development. The chemistry between Y/N and Dean is also amazing, and I loved how this mini-series could be so easily part of the show. Totally worth reading.

Nominated by @thoughtslikeamindfield 

Stranger Than FanFiction (series) by @cherry3point14

The premise is similar to the film Stranger Than Fiction – a story about a story being written about you – and it’s just as hilarious. Also, Cherry Pie is still one of the funniest writers in this corner of SPN fandom.

“You’re not supposed to move your head if there’s someone trying to murder you, probably…”

No, I wouldn’t think so, but lollllll

“You’re being insane, out loud.”

Omgggg

“It tried, oh, how the door tried to divert her attention from the unknown men who could be terrible, rule-breaking influences on her. However the door was only wood and she was a stubborn woman made of free will and limbs—a woman who refused to be deceived.”

“Your hand is on the doorknob before the mention of your limbs has finished rattling around your head.  Realistically you don’t want to encourage the voice by doing what it says. After all, the voice’s ultimate goal seems to be killing you.”

BAHAHAHAH omfg you guys

I need to stop quoting from this bc I probably seem insane to those of you who haven’t read this, so stop being judgy buttheads and go read!

Nominated by @flamencodiva

The Choice (series) by @superfanficnatural

A couple of things. 1) this is an amazing fic that highlights Dean unwillingness to let himself go until it’s almost too late. and 2) the smut in this is hot hot hot hot! not for anyone under 18 years of age.

Mert has a way with words and can literally pluck you into one and make you see it as it comes to life in your head.

Mine (series) by @holylulusworld

Lulu has an abundance of different stories she tells and this one is my favorite of her ABO’s at the moment. (although I love all of them) I think this one deserved a mention. I am glad she joined to Pond so I could help nominate and spread her amazing work!

One Night at a Time (series) by @crashdevlin

Another great fic by Cassie! This one shot full of Angst, Smut, and if you squint just the right amount of Dean fluff. She has a way of capturing your attention and putting you in the world as you read.

What He Lost (oneshot) by @jensengirl83

This short story by Brandy is sure to rip your heart out. she leaves just a bit of hope where you think there is a chance only to crush it completely with the ending. This one is sure to bring you to tears if you are looking for the most delicious angsty story to read.

Nominated by @risingpheonix761

Down The Rabbit Hole (oneshot) by @dontshootmespence

So, this was hysterical. XD I love crack fics, and bad smut in particular, and this one hits the spot. (I’ve also learned several new horrible euphemisms lol). The ending, though? Golden!

Nominated by @myinconnelly1

The Affair (oneshot) by @holylulusworld

I love how well all the characters are portrayed I truly hate everyone except the reader! Well done!!  

Red Riding Hood - or how you ran into a wolf... (oneshot) by @holylulusworld

I have nothing to say about this. I will simply allow the puddle I have become to speak for me. 

Last Omega On Earth (oneshot) by @holylulusworld 

This was a great entry in the ABO world. and we need more of this and more like !!!!! Great work!

My Beta (oneshot) by @holylulusworld

I am a greedy little bitch with this fic.  I think I've read it 3-4 since i first read it this month!!!!!! READ THIS FIC!  

Third Period (oneshot) by @fictionalabyss

Some truly inspiring smut.  Inspiring to change my panties. 

Gods of Twilight (series) by @thecleverdame​

I think i posted this fic in my rec before, but it is so amazing and intricate that i can't stop gushing about it.  Fucking awesome. 

Apple Pie (oneshot) by @bad268​ 

The amazingness of this is great, check this guppy out!

Deal (oneshot) by @bad268 

Comedy at some of its's finest!!! 

Confession (oneshot) by @idreamofplaid

THE FLUFFFFFFF!!!! I don't read straight fluff.  So get the tissues ready.

Fallen (series) by idreamofplaid

My therapist has told me i'm not longer allowed to talk about this fic during our sessions.  So instead i shall now talk about it here... *pulls out soapbox* ahem... *gets pulled away with hook*

Memory (oneshot) by @idreamofplaid

This fic is older, but i love it so much.  I recently went back and reread it, and the angst and reconciliation in this fic are heartwrenching.

Home (oneshot) by @emilyshurley

My dentist bill the month was higher than normal, due to the new cavities caused by this fic.

Imperfectly Yours (oneshot) by @emilyshurley

Cuteness overload as you get Dean's perspective of Home ^^

Second Hand News (oneshot) by @emilyshurley

Alright listen. I am a glutton for punishment.  And this fic, I asked for.  Also i had it set within one of the universes we now own.  That all being said, reading this was like a dose of my own medicine and it fucking hurt.

Honesty And Lies (oneshot) by @crashdevlin

This was super dirty, and great.  Totally recommend. 

Nominated by @deanwinchesterswitch

The Classifieds (oneshot) by @talesmaniac89

This is rip your heart out and stomp on it angst right here. So well written, but so, so heartbreaking.

So Much More Than Perfect (oneshot) by @imagineteamfreewill

This fic is one of the sweetest things I’ve ever read. It made me tear up a bit, but who doesn’t love Dean being the most protective, most adorable dad ever?!

Nominated by @mariekoukie6661

Dear Dean (series) by @smol-and-grumpy

It’s one of those series that makes you wants more after every chapter. It’s a brilliant story.

Left Behind (series) by @kittenofdoomage

It’s the only John Fic I can read over and over and over again. Its hot, the plot is awesome! And it makes me wants more each and every time I read it.

Not Much Left (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

I think Beka tries to kill her readers every time she writes smut… or she just tap into our mind what we want or what we fantasize about. Every single time I’m speechless by her talents!

Yes Professor (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

It’s a Misha fic, there’s no one who write Misha the way Beka does!!!

Owe You One (series) by @supernatural-jackles

It’s such a great series! The friends with Benefit and Mechanic!Dean… I just love this so much and I don’t have words to describe how good this one is!!

Flirty In French (oneshot) by @fictionalabyss

This is brilliant, and I know its an old one, but from someone who finally decided to read more and from someone who is from Quebec, this is absolutely brilliant! The flirty french pick up line are so hilarious!

Nominated by @moosekateer13

Watching for Comets (series) by @holylulusworld

This fic beautifully captures the song that it was inspired by.

It also showcases things that when things are meant to be.

I’ll will all fall into place.

Please Trust Me (oneshot) by @holylulusworld

This fic beautifully emotionally captures what it’s like to have trust issues.

Nominated by @fictionalabyss

Last Call (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer 

It was everything we needed and wanted.

Culinary Exploits (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer  

Too utterly ridiculous not to get a mention.

His Omega (oneshot) by @iflostreturntosteverogers 

A sweet little comfort fic of Dean being utterly perfect caring for his Omega. Carrie also pulled off keeping this gender neutral, which isn’t something I see a lot of, and probably something I’d struggle with, so hats off to you, babe.

Poison (oneshot) by @supernatural-jackles 

YES omg i feel this on such a level. I’ve gone through that shit myself. A friend who lets you down so profoundly but then acts as if you’re the most toxic person in the world.  Nothing feels as good as letting go of that shit and moving on to better things. This was beautiful, and perfect, and TRUTH.

Amara (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer  

This one hurt. It really hurt, but it hurt so good that I’m left wanting more.

Take Me Now (oneshot) by @sorenmarie87  

If Dawn doesn’t continue this, I’ll riot.

Stuck On You (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage  

I rarely read a fic this long (I just don’t usually have the time) but it looked too interesting for me to scroll past, and it had me completely captivated. I needed to know what would happen as if I needed air, even though I could guess how it ended, I needed to read the words. Phenomenal.

Thank you all for the awesome work and great feedback!

These are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

[jjsjuiceboxx]

LIFE IS UNUSUAL

PART 1: Dramatics on the dock

Summary- Y/N has just moved from California to the Outer banks because her father James Amber is going to be the new District Attorney, what will happen when a certain blue eyed pogue and you cross paths both having lots in common even though you have money and he doesn’t? Will there be drama surrounding that or not?

⚠️WARNINGS⚠️- drugs, cussing, possible sex? Abuse. ( only cussing in this chapter. )

✮︎A/N- Yes I deleted this part and now I’m reposting it ( if you read this it’s still the same! ) I’m just revamping my stuff I want to put more of a effort into these ( I meant to list edit it but I accidentally deleted it, but I have it in my notes ) anyway happy reading :).

☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎

Hey my name is Y/N, Y/N Amber I was born in raised in Huntington’s Beach, California. To live in California is difficult because prices for stuff is a lot higher then most places, my Dad is well off he is the District Attorney in Huntington’s he makes enough where my mom does not have to work at all but she does. She is a designer she makes her own clothing pieces she isn’t some big huge brand that you would know of, she is a small business so far it’s just her she is just starting it up she wants to have a boutique to sell her pieces that’s her dream. As for me I’m just trying to have a good time as much as possible you only live once right? So live it up.

Y/N POV:

“So Y/N are you excited for Friday’s big charity surf event?” My best friend since birth asked me on the way to dropping me off at home, “of course I am” you said hopping out of the car “you know I love helping” you bid your goodbyes and walked to the driveway only to see a moving car in the drive way you walked fast into your house “what’s all this about?” You asked confused “oh Y/N I must have forgotten to tell you we are moving to the Outer-banks” your father James said.

That was yesterday now you were currently in the outerbanks your parents went back to California to end some business so it was just you for a while, you were at this restaurant called The Wreck you chose to go there cause it was the closest to your house and it also had everything on the menu. Your parents had bought a piece of land 8 months ago it was on the cut your father wanted it to be in figure 8 but your mom said the cut had a better view and your dad was all for the saying happy wife happy life.

You were eating your burger and fries with a dr. Pepper, when your phone buzzed you looked to see your best friend Maia texted you saying she can no longer be friends with a liar, your heart sped up and your hands sweaty you texted back saying you had no idea that you were moving you found out right when she dropped you off. You hit send and she replied back 3 mins later saying she knows how your father is and how he can do terrible things but not telling his daughter about a move wasn’t one of them.

You went to respond back saying that you really had know idea you didn’t know if your dad genuinely forgot to tell you or just chose not to till the very last second, literally and that you wouldn’t miss the charity surfing event for anything. You hit send but it failed to deliver meaning one thing, your best friend had blocked you. You looked around the restaurant and saw 3 boys and a girl eating and laughing they looked very close with one another. Like family. And here you were in a brand new state in a new town with no one not even your friends back home.

You were so overwhelmed you dug in your purse grabbed at 100$ bill slammed it on the table jumped out of the stool so quick it fell to the ground, it was like the whole restaurant silenced and looked over to the noise you felt like a deer in headlights frantically looking at the people watching you making you feel so much worse you didn’t bother picking the stool up and you ran out of the restaurant tears streaming down your face.

JJ’S POV:

Me and the rest of the pogues were eating at The Wreck like always because kiara’s family owns it and we get free food, it’s scrap but food is food. Kie was trying to keep us quiet so her dad doesn’t yell at her when a loud bang went off. we all looked in the direction of a girl who wore black ripped jeans, maroon tank top, with a plaid blue flannel on top. She looked frazzled and not by her stool hitting the ground usually I would have looked away but I’d never seen this girl before and I could tell she wasn’t a touron because she was alone, I looked closer and could tell she was trying to hold back tears and then she ran out of the restaurant.

“I hope she paid for her food or atleast left a tip” kie mumbled “hey maybe someone should check on her” pope said moving his stuff around, “yeah I’ve never seen her before, wouldn’t want her to get lost or run into a kook” John b said. I got up out of my chair “where are you going?” Kie asked confused “did you not hear the conversation someone should make sure she is ok or at least make sure she knows where she is going” I said like it was the most obvious thing ever “yeah I heard but why you?” She challenged.

“Because I have to go to work in like 15 mins, I’m already on the way out might as well. Oh hey tell your dad I said foods great I’m coming back tonight for more” I said heading out the restaurant, I quickly found the girl with her knees to her chest I made my way to her the closer I got I could hear and tell she was crying. She had long strawberry blonde hair that was very curly and she had a blue feather earring that hung to her shoulder. She is definitely a pogue probably a new one us pogues all know each other whether we are close or not.

“Hey uh I saw what happened in there just wanna see if you’re ok, or if you knew your way around you look new.” I said trying not to startle her, she looked up and me and smiled softly “yeah, um I’m ok just a tough 2 days is all, thank you for checking in though” she said looking back out to the ocean I decided to take a seat next to her I have 10 more mins to lose anyway “hey you’re the first girl I’ve caught crying to never wipe the tears away quickly and pretend as if they weren’t there” I said laughing.

She laughed too, “I guess it’s just stupid to hide something obvious, why pretend?” She asked looking at me her mascara and eye liner I think kie told me once what it was. I personally think it’s an eye marker but whatever Floats your boat. It was smeared all over her face from her crying and probably wiping it i motioned to her face and hand to let her know “uh your face stuff is well on your face, but like all over your face” I said she looked at her hand and touched under her eyes pulling them away and seeing more had transferred to it. Most girls would have tried to fix it but she didn’t. “I guess it is, oh well” she said wiping her hands on her jeans.

This girl was different then all the girls I’ve met you could tell she cared because she was crying about something but when it came to herself or rather so her appearance she didn’t care one bit, “I’m sorry about disturbing your meal, I just moved here from California. The move was surprising my parents had to have known for months maybe even a year but they didn’t tell me till yesterday, and now I’m here while they’re there wrapping up business. I’m upset because my best friend didn’t believe I just found out and she blocked me. Which I know sounds SO stupid, but I’m all alone here in a town I’ve never even been before I know no one and my best friend left so I can’t even talk to her about it. Life just fucking sucks right now” she rambled and wiping some tears that fell. In a way I can understand that.

“Hey don’t apologize I was done eating and I have work soon so you saved me from getting bitched at for being late, and I’m sorry about that, that does suck but

Maybe this will help” I said sticking my hand out “I’m JJ consider me your new friend” she took my hand and shook it “I’m Y/N thank you for being my friend” she said smiling a real smile this time. That made my day knowing I could

Make someone smile after they were just crying.

“Oh anytime, here I’ll give you my number so we can plan sometime to get together and I can show you around, also show you the best spots” I said giving her my phone. She put her number in and I took her phone putting mine in hers of course mine is “JJ🏄🏼‍♂️🚬” I gave her phone back and saw that she put her name as Y/N🦋 (AKA dramatic girl who cries) “you know Incase you forget you won’t now” she laughed making fun of herself which I admired a lot.

“I won’t forget, In fact after work the first thing I’ll do is text you” I said standing up and pointing to her she stood up too “you better you’re my only hope” “did you just quote star wars at me?” I asked “yes I did and I don’t regret it” “oh we are so best friends now” I said looking down at her she was a lot shorter than I was it was cute my own personal arm rest “I’m serious though text me! You’re my only friend now and the only person to text. My fate is in your hands young jedi” Y/N said putting her hands together and bending slightly I did the same back “may the force be with you, and I’ll text you don’t worry. You’re the only person to quote Star Wars at me and it’s now my favorite thing” I yelled as I continued to walk away smiling to myself.

[ttylbabezzz]

Jeff wittek part one

Everyone knew Jeff in some way, whether just by association or from the vlog squad. He was the type of guy that could make even the saddest of people laugh and I loved that about him more than I should. I was a friend of Corinna’s, her hairstylist who did not only her hair but all of the girls in the squads too. We were all great friends, they were often at my place and I was the one thing they kept to themselves. Until we got closer and it was hard to hide our friendship. So like most people at parties, I ended up here thanks to Corinna. Everyone was here, people I had met, people I hadn’t and Corinna was quick to introduce me to everyone as we sipped on drinks. I couldn’t remember who’s party it was or why we were here but as we all laughed I didn’t really care. I was squished in between Scott and toddy but after a while Scott left and his body was replaced by another. He had been sitting on the arm rest and I hadn’t really had the chance to get a good look at him or really introduce myself. But as I turned around and I saw him I stopped myself mid sentence “hi I’m,-“ I turned back around swiftly and glared at Corinna. “Y/N” I finished refusing to turn back around. This was her doing. I made the mistake of mentioning my perfect guy. How I expected him to look and behave and the man sitting beside me was the exact replica of that. But there was a problem. So was my last boyfriend, he fit the same bill, rough exterior, with well sculpted hair and the perfect stubble. But Jeff, I knew Jeff, I watched his videos but everytime I watched them the same thoughts went through my head ‘he’s kind of a dick’ ‘wow if he can talk about girls like that...’ and ‘I can’t fucking stand this guy.’. I didn’t know whether I should scoff and walk away or be civil so I settled on simply smiling over at him with an apprehensive look in my eyes. He catches my eye and smiles back a soft wink shot in my direction as he smirked and leant forward with his elbows on his knees and his arms folded in front of him. I gave it some time refusing to look in his direction as we made snarky comments back and forth. I was frustrated by the time I was leaving and not in a good way. He was exactly the kind of guy I’d do anything for. But this time I wouldn’t let myself. As days turned into weeks and weeks to months, 6 had passed. Today was like no other, Jeff and I had been tossing rude things back and fourth all day. It started with me insulting his videos and slowly from there it just progressively got worse, but something about this one was different, it was very different. Our voices progressively rose as we yelled following each other around the house as we fought about nothing. It started off with me passing a snarky comment about him being an asshole, and grew to us now yelling little things just to make the other person mad. Then things started getting thrown in the others general direction not to hit each other but to prove how angry we were. Pillows, solo cups, keys, even my phone which now laid shattered and probably completely broken on the floor with his laying a few feet from me after ricocheting off the now dented wall. “You’re nothing but a piece of sh!t, you’re like everyone else that’s as attractive as you, nothing but a douche who treats women badly!” I yell and he recoils back away from me a look of fury passing his face “what did I ever do go make you hate me so much?” He asks his voice dropping. With angry tears falling from my eyes I crossed my arms over my chest. “Nothing.” I say “then why the f*ck do you hate me? We hadn’t even said hi yet and you hated me what the f*ck is up with that?! I thought you were this cool and kind and caring and giving girl who is so confident and really loves life and her people, like you were with everyone else but you’re nothing but a cold hearted bitch with me!” He says angrily still “I’d rather have a cold heart and be a bitch then just another one of those girls. I’m sorry I didn’t fall all over you like everyone else. Would that have made things better?!” I muttered storming towards the door.

“what the f*ck is that supposed to mean y/n?!” He says following me with confusion write all over his face “nothing Jeff. Just leave me alone.” I say forcing back tears and grabbing my keys. “Stop running away from me!” He pleads his voice hard trying to stop me from leaving again “no.” I say as I keep trying to walk forward. His hand gripped my shoulder pulling me around to face him and in that split second his lips crashed onto mine. It wasn’t like I planned on melting into him the way I did, it just happened. My arms wound around his neck, his hat falling off as he pushes me against the wall. Our hot breaths fanned each other’s face every few seconds as we pulled apart to catch our breath. Our kisses were hungry like we had been waiting and building up to this moment forever. My legs wrapped around his waist as we pressed into each other. I didn’t know how long we were making out with each other before we finally broke apart from each other. Our breathing heavy, a look of confusion was written across Jeff’s face as he looked deep into my eyes surveying my face as if to fully comprehend that we had just done that. His eyes flicked down to my lips once more before they met mine once more. As if to make sense of it all he placed his lips on mine once more and just like the last time, I kissed back. I don’t know what was more shocking to him the fact that we were making out or the fact that I was willingly kissing him when less than 30 minutes ago we were at each other’s throats over nothing. He broke the kiss once more before setting me down “maybe we should talk. About this whole situation.” He says and I nod “ yeah I think that’s a good idea. Maybe before David gets home.” I say nervously. I pick my keys and purse up off of the floor as we exit David nat and is house. Jeff drives and I just look out the window biting on my nails gently and scratching my one leg over and over lightly from the anxiety. My movements stopped as a hand grabbed mine and laced our fingers while he drove. I squeezed his hand gently letting him know I was okay as he rubbed circles on the back of my hand with his thumb. The thoughts were running wild through my mind how could I have been so careless. But I realized, it wasn’t care less at all. In fact it was to hide something I had been trying to avoid since we met. The inevitable. Me falling for him. I had hoped if I made him hate me then I would be okay and wouldn’t but in the process I found myself falling harder for little things he did, how he smiled, how for some stupid reason there was always this glint in his eye when he was looking at me. Just to piss me off he’d always wink. But deep down, I loved when he winked at me. All of the emotions I had been trying to avoid since I met him were exploding and I didn’t know what to do because a part of me was scared he didn’t feel the same. Maybe it was how he looked at me from time to time, or the way he said my name or the simple kind things he did for me even though we were always arguing. It was poetic really a love hate that was almost terrifying.He parked the car and I took a look around, my jaw dropped when I realized we were out in front of my favorite restaurant. “How did you know this is my favorite place to eat?” I ask “I pay attention. You’re carrying a takeout box from them almost daily.” He says and I furrow my eyebrows “I live with David and he doesn’t even know this is my favorite place to eat.” “David wouldn’t know unless it smacked him in the face quite literally.” He says and I agree “for the most part anyways.” I say and he nods . We’re sitting at a booth not 10 minutes later and I struggle to keep calm as anxiety courses through my body. I was playing with my nails not getting enough of them apparently. Jeff watched me intently, studying me as if I was the most interesting thing in the world. We get our drink and our shared appetizers and finally the conversation starts “I need to know if what just happened was in the heat of the moment or if it actually meant something.” Jeff says.

“I wouldn’t have kissed you if it was just in the heat of the moment and we both know that Jeff.” I say quietly and he nods. “So you don’t hate me either? Because your mouth was saying something but uh... your mouth also definitely said something like completely different.” His eyes meet mine and I blush looking away with a small giggle “yeah well my head wants one thing and my heart wants the other.” “Which ones which?” He asks biting into the jalapeño popper I always ordered. “My head was telling me to run, that you’re the kind of guy I should run far away from and never look back at. But regardless of that. You were my perfect guy. Corinna knew that when she introduced us, but I had just gotten out of a bad relationship and I somehow thought it would be a good idea to make you hate me so that you couldn’t hurt me. It was stupid really but it made sense. And no matter how much I tried to convince myself of these things that weren’t and aren’t necessarily true but I tried making myself believe them so I could hate you. But I couldn’t hate you.” I say not much higher than a whisper. “ But why couldn’t you make yourself hate me? And why did you get to decide if I should hate you or not?” He asks slouching back in our booth. “Because. Instead of hating you I think I fell in love with you instead. I don’t know when, or how. Or even why really. But I could figure out a few things here and there that probably did that. And it wasn’t my place to decide if you should hate me or not, but it was at the time my best interest and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for making you hate me because I’m the insecure one who couldn’t admit that she was so fucking attracted to you. Im so sorry for all the things I said. But never for one second did I actually believe them. I I... I’m so sorry.” I say as a few tears fall out of my eyes and I sniffle wiping my nose while looking down at my lap pulling at my lip ring nervously. I was everything I told myself never to be and I was suffering from it. “What few things stood out to you?” He asks leaning forward and grabbing my hand “I don’t know, maybe it was the way you looked at me sometimes, it was like no matter what I said, no matter what I did, that I could do no wrong. Like I was the only person in that moment who mattered. Or how every fucking day you smile at me like you’re happy to see me. Or how even though were always yelling at each other you always walk beside the road, open doors for me, pull out my chair for me. You somehow always knew when I was hungry and you’d always make sure I ate. You never let anyone treat me badly, always got mad at everyone who tried. And that stupid fucking wink that almost literally makes my panties drop and that pisses me off.” I say and he nods. “You want to know something? The truth of the matter?” Jeff asks and I nod wiping some tears once more as he moves to sit beside me instead of across from me. “truth is, no matter how much you try to make me hate you, I won’t. I haven’t really tried either. Honestly I think part of me knew you didn’t really hate me, just wanted me to think you did. To the others, they wouldnt have noticed it, but I know you better than you think. I could see past your little glares I could see the regret in your face after everything you said, how your cheeks would turn red everytime you caught me staring at you, how you looked like you wanted to cry for hours after our little fights, honestly I fell for you so hard that I relied on our fights because at least I knew you actually cared when we did. You cared enough to notice things I did and it gave me hope. And I know exactly why. Because I’ve been in love with you for months. And this whole situation, us fighting all day everyday , I want to start over, not pretend that it didn’t happen because it did, it happened but I really want to see if we can work.” He says pressing a kiss to my cheek.

“I kind of do too. If I could take it all back maybe I wouldn’t have been so stupid and let you in. Because you’re not like everyone else, you treat me so good even though we were always fighting. You always open doors for me, walk by the road every time even when that’s the reason we’re fighting. God I’m such an idiot.” I say putting my head in my hands and letting a few tears fall. There was an arm around my shoulders a moment later as he pulls me close “I don’t blame you for being scared, I don’t blame you for any of this y/N. You’re not an idiot you’re human, we make mistakes and you came to terms with it and were being adults and were talking about this together. An idiot wouldn’t feel bad for anything and I know for a fact you beat yourself up over how we treated each other okay? But let’s start over, let’s turn over a clean slate and let’s do what we both want to do. Let’s be together. Baby, I want to be with you.” He says kissing my head. I nod and I hug him, for only the third time in my life and it feels amazing. We finish our meal before we go for a drive around to his place where we knew we’d have privacy. We both find a spot on his couch, far away at first but he was quick to come and sit beside me. “I think for a while we should just keep this between us, just gradually start being nicer to each other and see if they can figure it out.” I say and he nods “whatever you want. I’m fine as long as at the end of the day you’re mine.” He says kissing my cheek. I look up at him and press my lips against his once more with my hand resting on his cheek. Minutes pass before he pulls away grinning and chuckling “what?” I ask and he smiles at me “I’ve been waiting for so long for this I’m just so happy baby girl.” He says with tears in his eyes. I blush and look away “Jeff..” I start and he nods “I love you.” I whisper looking up at him nervously “I love you too baby. So much.” He says kissing me. Needless to say nobody heard from either of us for hours over the next two days. We spent our weekend together in his apartment making up for lost time. But reality called on Sunday night and I left for my place. I had to work Monday to Thursday and since I’d be filming with David almost every other day this week we’d have little time to see each other. I came up with a good excuse for where I was all weekend saying I got called in to teach a hair course my co worker wasn’t able to make so I was out doing that all weekend. Living with David was going to make this all the more difficult but it was going to be so worth it in the end.

More parts to come! Hope you all enjoy it!! More will be posted once I see if everyone likes it!

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

I notice you post quite a bit about your family being extremely poor but also are an adult and seem to write a lot. Do you work to help out your family, or are you unable to? There are jobs out there that involve writing if that’s the extent you're capable of, like if disabilities get in the way of normal jobs. The level of poverty you describe your family dealing with is really depressing.

So...

I spent 11/14 years in one Christian School. There was a hiatus of 3 years of me trying out public school but I got shoved back into RBCS in 8th grade and stayed. I did not not want to go but Sperm Donor said it was a punishment for my behavior, so I’d be forced to be around Bible Thumpers every damn day.

Private Schools in America cost money. Tuition for this place was $1500 a year for kids over 10. I found out my mom’s brother John paid all my former years of education there to try and keep me close to the family(since my Nana was my school teacher) and make sure my mom didn’t go full broke.

Sperm Donor was in a pickle himself at the time. He was in the processes of being arrested for stealing nearly a million dollars from his clients(he was a financial adviser). He only took from the very desperate, disabled clients too. One died because her parents couldn’t afford her medication, because he was stealing their money. We were in a tight spot as a result, though I didn’t know enough until later. He didn’t pay my tuition or book fees($100+).

So he’s carted off to prison a month before 8th grade ends and I’m sent back to my mom’s custody. And my principal(also pastor) calls my mom to inform her that she has a $1600+ bill to pay for my schooling. She definitely does not have that and I certainly don’t either.

Next day at school I get cornered about how stealing is a sin and dishonesty is a sin(instead of blaming Sperm Donor because God forbid the man in prison for STEALING be in the wrong here). I’m offered a chance to lower the bill if I go candy-selling with the rest of the students every Friday. I will get half the profits made and it’ll be taken off my debt. So I told my mom I’d help her out and I went and did it. I ended up having to stay in the school another year where the money added on and I went candy-selling on Tuesdays too to try and make up for it. I’d earn about $50 each time so $100 a week was put toward the debt, meaning $400 a month. 

The chick who was the school/church secretary however, was a bitch who had it out for us. Monthly we’d get notices about how much debt we were in with the school, and one month a student would have $457 and the next month on the first day they apparently had $890. If tuition monthly is about $150 for teen, how did the number shoot up so much? Mine kept getting abnormally higher and reaching into the $3,000s. And I told my mom who then bitched at the school. 

The secretary barely finished high school and the only reason she was in that position that she was not capable of handling alone or at all, was because she was kissing the church’s ass. She had sex outside of marriage on school property and got pregnant and was forced to marry him to save her dignity the moment she turned 18. They kept her very close with guilt ever since. Instead of just leaving, she chose to stay and be a bitch to everyone.

My tuition issue plagued me the entire time no matter how much I did. I was so stressed constantly and letters from Sperm Donor who got to write to me in prison, said the school wouldn’t accept his tuition payments when he re-enrolled me. He said he even got his new fiance to monitor a fund he set up before leaving, and sent the money in monthly for the year he signed on. IDK who to believe because he’s a pathological liar, but the church has also been trying for 4 years to get me back into their fold, popping up at my mom’s house uninvited, trying to guilt trip me with Godly reasons, accusing me of being a ‘whore’ who needs to get right with God all because I wore pants, and using my terminally ill Nana as an excuse. They very much would and have actually taken payments without recording them in the logbooks.

I spent my HS years in debt, working hard to get out of it. My HS teacher actually helped me by letting me clean her house once a month and I’d earn $150 in two days because the house was pretty big. I ended up candy-selling more and more days a week and bringing candy boxes home to sell in the neighborhood.

And it seemed to never let up. The numbers did not match. Somehow my debt was always in the $2000s+ but I was making at least $300 a month? My mom finally snapped and said she’d call the cops on the school if something didn’t change. A month later we get the updates to our accounts and the numbers dropped drastically. My Senior Year and I only had a couple hundred dollars left. And the Secretary was suspiciously quiet from then on and kept to herself and left us alone.

Still, I spent the whole time doing candy-selling for them so much, and having to attend church activities for them, that I never got a job. Candy-selling actually brought in more money than what a teen would be allowed to earn anyway. At the time I was so up the church’s ass and scared to make my own decisions that they said I wasn’t capable of making because I was so young, I had already agreed to continue being the church pianist past graduation and they’d agreed to help me fund college so long as I went to the one of their choice with my friends. They had set up my future vocation(teacher in the their school, pianist in their church) and my future husband(Sam most likely) and I wouldn’t have to do anything but follow rules. And as I was scared, I planned to go along with it.

But then they fucked me over a week before Senior Year ended and when June 5th passed and I got my diploma, I peaced out. We changed our phone number, stopped coming to the door when they came by, and ignored their chances at re-connection. And it was months after I got fucked over when they found out they were the ones in the wrong and tried to half ass an apology to me. Didn’t work.

After graduating, my step-dad demanded I get a job finally. Mind you, his failure of a son dropped out of HS & moved to PA with us and proceeded to rely on daddy to do all his work for him. Daddy got him a job at Weis, he faked being sick so much he was fired. Daddy got him another job at Walmart, he took too many days off and he got fired. He moved out of our house and in with his new girlfriend(after milking 3 of their cash already). This one was a trust fund baby(Bree) who was adopted. Her parents paid for her apartment, her nursing education, and gave her a card with $1,000 on it a month for anything she needed. Step-bro moved in and they wasted that whole card name-brand candy in a week. 

She started skipping classes to go out to eat with him. Her parents stopped by to see if she was doing well because the school became concerned over abnormal behavior. They wanted step-bro out of the apartment and the relationship to end because they said he was using her for her money(he was and admitted it to mine and my mom’s faces) and would get in the way of her goals in life. She refused. They said they’d take away her card if she didn’t. Well, they did. And another month went by with no changes and they withdrew the full payments for the schooling too. She dropped out. And finally the apartment a month after that.

So now she’s homeless and step-bro manages to swindle both of them back into our apartment. They have to sleep on the floor in the living room. Daddy got them both jobs at Amazon with him. The pay was pretty fucking good at the time. There was a year in between there where we had money and were contemplating getting our own house for the first time. Things were going well.

Step-dad didn’t try to help me get a job though. I asked for help because my search went nowhere. Those 3 got transportation every day and I was stuck with walking. We lived on a mountain and all businesses were at the bottom 2 miles away, so I applied to all available businesses within 2 miles, either in person or online. Never got any responses. As it was a bust, my mom just said, ‘help clean the house since they’re gone all day and help be my legs to watch your sister and I’ll consider that your rent’. So I did. Every day. And I hated it. And there are a lot of posts on here from then of me complaining about it.

So I asked him for help and he never did. But he would demand to know why I didn’t have a job yet or why the house wasn’t perfectly clean? And I’m like, “Dude, you leave your dirty clothes everywhere. You don’t take your dishes into the kitchen. I clean in the day, you get back in the evening and trash the place and by the morning when you’re gone, it’s all a mess. You only see mess because it’s all you 3 make all day with candy wrappers and soda cans!”

After year he had a seizure on the floor and had to be rushed to the hospital from Amazon. Epileptic issues meant no more work at Amazon because his job was operating heavy machinery and he kept having small seizures weeks later! Without him there every day to keep step-bro and gf on their toes, they started calling in sick together or skipping work with dumb reasons. They got fired soon after. The job hunt was a failure, but daddy was still getting jobs for all of them! Instead of over the table jobs, they now worked under the table, fixing up houses(sheetrock, spackle, insulation, etc...). Still didn’t try and help me get a job. I didn’t know how to do any of that, but gf didn’t either but they taught her how to do it.

Frankly, it got to a point of me being a live-in maid in exchange for me staying under their roof, while step-bro and gf made up excuses to not have to help step-dad. Sick, business, too tired, whatever they came up with. I remained home, handling my sister’s online education with my mom, cleaning the house, handling my sister’s bullies, handling our shitty inspector, and all that crap.

Step-dad takes in a friend of his who was evicted and homeless so he’s sleeping on our other couch at this time. Kind of easy to forget but we felt bad for his situation as it was his girlfriend who fucked him over.

And then step-dad and step-bro opened their mouths on something they should have avoided. In that place we kept to ourselves. There was shady shit going on. Murder, drug deals, drive-bys, etc. Mom and I left them all alone and turned the other way and they left us alone. 19 years in that place. If a cop came by asking questions of the only white person in the joint, she’d go, ‘we know nothing, we saw nothing, sorry’. But step-dad and Junior opened their mouths and one of the newer guys reported the son and gf because they weren’t on our lease. We got evicted after 19 years of good relations with management because someone inserted an opinion in something he should have stayed out of.

So 30 days to gtfo, no one in the house has a real job with consistent pay, we move in with my mom’s uncle for the time being. The house is huge with many bedrooms but to conserve space, I, mom, and my sister bunk in the same room. Mom and Bethy got the bed and I slept on the floor for 2 years. Step-dad don’t know what the eff he’s doing for months. We’re up in buttfuck Egypt. He and the Tweedle dimwits are still doing what they were doing before but now have to drive 3 hours to and 3 hours back just to make it. Mom is doing surveys online to make extra money. She’s trying to do her best while disabled. I’m helping clean the house as my form of payment. The car fails, money that was being saved up to move out, has to go to that. The next one fails too so that has to be handled and we’re in debt now! Christmases and Birthdays are nonexistent. Her Uncle’s new wife isn’t quite so open to us being there and complains a lot.

Step-dad manages to make a deal with a guy he’s working with. He fixes up a house the guy owns, and works for him on more houses after that, and he’ll get a considerably low payment for the rent monthly. He didn’t do much work and lied to mom about what was done and when all was said and done, we moved in and it was a wreck. Worse than it is now but it’s still pretty effin terrible. No kitchen, the bathroom is half-finished still, no insulation, power problems, you name it. It’s bad. But cheap because the lease shows we owe $20 a month instead of $200 because the guy forgot to add a zero when he was drawing up the contract.

Then step-bro and gf manage to convince step-bro’s grammy to move down to PA and rent a house for them to use. They still don’t have jobs, disabled grammy pays for everything. Step-dad’s couch-dwelling friend gets a new gf and moves in with her. Step-dad is driving 3 hours to work and by the time he gets back, he sleeps for 4 hours and then has to leave again. Finally he starts staying at his son’s place because it’s closer and less gas to spend, but that also means he’s taken the car. We’re stranded here with only a mini mart across the street as the only shop for miles! He makes excuses for why he can’t come up. Mom has so many health problems but hasn’t seen a doctor in 5 years because of this. I haven’t seen one in 6. My sister is the only one with regular appointments because they’re necessary for school. If anything, at least she remains unaffected by this crap.

I too have taken to doing surveys now. If I get 500 pts a day that’s a $5 gift card to target which delivers here. One of the few places that do.

I can’t even work at the mini mart because the man has 6 employees for each day of the day. 1 works with him each day but Monday where he works alone because there’s less rush on Mondays.

No matter how I complain it’s not like I can go anywhere. There’s still a roof over my head and I have access to the internet. Even if I’m cold every day, borderline ill, and miserable, it’s better than being on the streets.

Some poor people are very unlucky. We are those people. The ones where everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Step-dad’s been through 4 cars since coming here cuz they keep breaking down and needing to be fixed. My sister’s been sick every other month. Power goes out a lot.

I cope by whining online.

[zerolympiustrife]

Something weird I’ve written from my phone while out of state, part 2

Later that night, ‘Bone’ and the blonde girl were tasked to clean up the mess hall for a whole week, accompanied by their new “friend”, Nier, who was also given the task due to him getting in trouble from his “virginity ears” remark.

“I can’t believe you actually said that to that bitch.” The blonde girl spoke up.

“You looked like you were suffering. Good girls like you don’t deserve to suffer.” ‘Bone’ replied.

“I am anything BUT a good girl. I honestly have way too much fucking stress going on right now.” Said the blonde girl, moping the floor.

“Such as...?”

“...You’d actually wanna listen to my troubles?”

“I have nothing better to do! ...Other than, you know, helping you clean up this place.”

“...Fine. The name’s Shiloh, by the way.”

“Mine’s Bratley!” The blonde boy smiled.

“Bratley? Don’t you mean ‘Bradley’?” Shiloh raised an eyebrow.

“No. It’s Bratley. Personally, I don’t like that name because it has the word ‘Brat’ in it. And everybody in elementary school kept making fun of my name because of it.” Bratley replied, now annoyed.

“Oh...sheesh. Sorry to hear that.” Shiloh replied, slowly opening up to Bratley.

“Name is Bratley, you are? Bone Err Boy, I thought you were!” said Nier.

“Huh? Oh, right. I forgot that he was here too.” Shiloh replied, looking over to Nier.

“The whole time here I was! Munching away on a delicious hoagie just I was doing!” Nier replied, indeed eating away on a delicious hoagie. Shiloh’s mouth slowly started to salivate as her stomach started to growl very loudly.

“Ooohhhhh...I’m so hungry...I haven’t been able to eat anything since I got here three days ago...then again, the reason I haven’t been able to eat anything is because my asshole of a family wouldn’t send me any fucking money, only spending it on me going to this hellhole of a college AND on fucking textbooks. They said they won’t send me money unless I fucking send them a photo of me getting good grades. And if the fucking grades are at 96 or higher, THEN they’d send me money. And nothing else.” Shiloh states, holding her stomach in pain.

“Would you like for me to pay for any foods you want?” Bratley offered.

“Thanks for the offer, but I don’t want your damn pity money.” Shiloh replied in a sneering manner.

“I don’t have pity money! Pity money doesn’t exist! I have genuine paper money! And I won’t take ‘no’ for an answer to help out a fellow friend!” Bratley declared, pulling out his wallet, then pulled a twenty dollar bill out of said wallet and handed it over to his new “friend”, Shiloh. “Now, what’s this about your troubles?”

“...I...I literally just told you...what I was going through...although, seems like I didn’t tell you about me getting into an argument with my own family...” Shiloh stated somberly.

“Was the fight against your family what led to them to decide not to lend you money for as long as you’re here?” Bratley asked, cleaning the tables.

“You’d be right. I wanted to move out of the house and not continue living with my family like some fucking neckbeard still living in the basement of his parent’s house. However, my parents refused to have me let go, saying shit like ‘you’re not smart enough’ or ‘it’s too dangerous out there’ or ‘it’d be safer to continue living with us’. I told them that I’m eighteen years old for fuck’s sake AND that I don’t want to be sheltered from the world for the rest of my life after I graduated from high school. They did not appreciate what I just told them, my mom slapped me across the face, and said ‘if you want to run off out there into a very cruel, competitive, unforgiving environment, then go ahead. But just so you know, we’ll only send you money if your grades are very, very high. We won’t be sending money to a damn freeloader.’” Shiloh stated, angrily slamming the mop against the floor. “And the fact that nobody’s willing to either share their food with me or lend me cash is really starting to make me hate this fucking place.”

“Really? But I’ve come across a lot of students who are just so pleasant! Including Nier here!” Bratley stated, pointing at the black-haired boy.

“Pleasantries are indeed the having of what I own!” Nier smiled.

“...The fuck’s wrong with his speech?” Shiloh asked.

“I dunno, I just assumed that this was normal for him.” Bratley, stated.

“...No offense...Nier, was it?” Shiloh asked. Nier nodded in response. “No offense, but your speech pattern...rather odd. Specifically, a low quality translation that is...’Engrish’?”

“Says the target for bullying hours ago.” Nier replied, finishing his hoagie.

“I’m a target for bullying no matter WHERE THE FUCK I GO AND HOW FUCKING OLD I AM!!!” Shiloh snapped at Nier, causing him to fall back onto the floor, then crawl behind Bratley for safety.

“Bratley, friend of mine. The Shiloh that is our friend of newness is giving me the armpits that reek of a wet animal.” Nier whispered to the blonde boy.

“Your armpits reek of a wet animal?” Bratley asked, raising an eyebrow. “...No, that is not the point right now.” Bratley stated, shaking his head. “...New friend Shiloh! I am personally willing to share my money with you to ensure that you will NEVER study on an empty stomach! Or dehydration! My mum said that dehydration is never a good thing! It makes your head not function properly.” The blonde boy stated, causing Shiloh to look at the twenty dollar bill that Bratley gave to her a few minutes ago. “In fact, here’s another dollar bill to prove that I am speaking the truth, only the truth, and nothing but the truth! ...Your honor.” As Bratley was stating this, he handed another dollar bill over to Shiloh, only this time, it was a fifty dollar bill instead of twenty.

“A gamble that is risky! You are okay with this, are you?” A surprised Nier asked to Bratley.

“I’ll be fine! Heck, I’ve even got more in my wallet!” Bratley stated proudly.

“You’re...you don’t mind? Helping out a mess such as myself?” Shiloh asked, even more surprised than before.

“You’re not a mess, you’re a beauty! And beauti...full...ness...uh...isn’t...messy! Or is it dirty? ...No, no, it’s messy. And messiness isn’t beautiful!” said Bratley, trying to be clever.

“(He doesn’t seem to be the brightest person...but...)” Shiloh thought to herself. “(I would happily take this blonde dumbass over my family right now.)”

To be continued...

[petersmparker]

Sorry!!! Prompt list dialogue with 8 and 13?? Honestly it’s the latest one reblogged if that helps at all

No problem at all!! I’m glad you saw my first reply !! 💞I hope I got the right ones , eek

This one is a lil long because I had to fulfill my urge to write Some Nonsense Happening. I’m having too much gd fun with these but I have to admit that this one is slightly less romance and a bit more eccentric slice-of-life

prompts #8/13 - “Ugh, you’re sweaty. Get off.” “I might have had a few shots.”

Winter break is your favorite time of year. Not just because of the break from your overly-demanding college schedule, either. When finals end for the fall semester, Midtown Tech’s 2024 graduating class flocks back to their New York City home. It’s not long before phones start buzzing with the invitations to meet up again, and while many people had drifted out of it all together, the academic decathlon team had remained blissfully committed to these yearly rekindlings.

You and Peter had been one of the few to stay close to home for higher education. With his commitment to superheroing and your adoration for Empire State University’s interning programs, it seemed like the most obvious choice. This, and the fact that you both had been nursing gigantic crushes on each other. Nearly three years into your relationship, you eagerly await the return of your friends each winter together. It’s kind of like high school still, but with bills and no curfew.

Making ends meet is a bit difficult, but despite that, it’s kind of great. Kind of awesome, just going about life with Peter Parker.

Last year, Ned had been the first to jump on gathering the troops. This year, Flash sends out a mass text containing a video of a santa hat spinning circles on his turntable, Dec 20th, bitches. 7pm. Time to get your fuckin’ christmas on, emblazoned across it in red. It’s only a few hours before everyone excitedly confirms their plans to attend. 

Everyone is exactly the same as they always were, but maybe that’s just because you all become stupid high schoolers again when you get together. It’s Flash’s house, but Ned answers the door when you ring the bell. Peter is instantly wrapped up in a bear hug by his best friend. It’s been a few months, and they’ve been whining about missing each other for at least half of it.

“Never leave me again,” Ned orders as he releases Peter.

“Funnily enough, I’m just putting a downpayment on a place in Boston,” Peter jokes back.

MJ is quickly found on the floor of the sitting room, gently shaking the presents that had been placed beneath the tree. She isn’t that big on gifts, but likes to challenge herself to guess what they are. You and Peter place your secret santa contributions in the pile and ask to hear her theories.

“I’m almost positive that your secret santa bought you an action figure,” MJ tells you, shaking a longer box that has your name on the tag.

“That can’t be right,” you laugh.

“You’ll see.”

Flash appears from the kitchen, eventually, Betty close behind, on their way to the main living room. They’re both toting huge trays of sugar cookies. The ones on Betty’s tray look significantly nicer than the ones on Flash’s, which is pretty typical.

“Mine taste better than hers,” Flash insists as he bumps fists with Peter and gives you a one-armed hug. The rest of the crowd in the living room erupt into the teasing of his “ugly ass reindeer” when he presents them, but scarf them down anyway.

It’s the same every year, and nothing could make you any happier.

Gifts are exchanged around the devouring of sweets and an over-the-top catered dinner for a relatively small group. Friends don hideous new sweaters and open up weird new board games. To your surprise, you do receive an action figure. It’s one you’ve seen before in shop windows: a display-quality Spider-Man figure in the Iron Spider suit, complete with four metal arms protruding from the back and a stand to hold it up.

“Oh my god,” Peter says, spotting it in your hands.

Flash is snickering from his spot near the fire. You wave the box in his direction. “You know that Spider-Man’s identity is secret and therefore he can’t receive any profit from the merch that companies are making these days, right?”

“Yep,” he confirms, “I’ll make it up to him eventually, probably.”

All things considered, it’s a pretty funny gift. And you have to admit that it is a nice figure. 

There’s already a couple bottles of champagne being passed around, but Peter receives several rolls of expensive camera film and a fancy bottle of liquor, and, feeling happy and generous, cracks the bottle open and shares.

It’s not long before most of the group is tipsy, having arranged rides home or decided to stay the night in Flash’s home. The rowdiness picks up. Games are taken less seriously and somehow become more fun, Flash’s stupid techo-christmas playlist suddenly becomes excellent dancing music, and some of the guys end up hollering as they chase each other around the house. You’re content to watch the festivities pick up, having decided to be the designated driver. It’s hard not to enjoy it all.

Peter sprints across the living room, in hot pursuit of Flash. He attempts to hop over Betty’s head while she’s sitting on the floor in front of the couch and ends up clearing the couch, too. Flash screeches and nearly collides solar-plexus first with the countertop island as he dives into the kitchen, gasping out accusations of Peter being a filthy cheater.

“What the fuck!” Shouts Abraham, who had been running behind him.

Your boyfriend has been chasing the host through the house and yard for the better half of thirty minutes by now. He’s such a stupid drunk. You’re completely in love with him.

When they calm down, he immediately drifts back to you. He drapes his arms over you from behind the back of the armchair, pressing smooches onto your temple.

“Ugh, you’re sweaty. Get off,” you chuckle, swatting lightly at his head.

He doesn’t get off, deciding instead to melt further into you. “You’re sweaty,” he says, quite cleverly, and turns his head to try to kiss you for real.

“No I’m not. You’re drunk, too,” you add, accepting his attempt to kiss you on the lips.

Peter is 160 pounds of pure muscle, but he comes around the side of the chair to climb into your lap. His arms wrap themselves around you again. He’s a little too heavy to be in your lap, but at the moment you’re too filled with adoration to care.

“I might have had a few shots,” he concedes, “That expensive stuff tastes like cherries. I love cherries. I love you.”

“I love you too,” you assure, patting his leg.

“Marry me.”

Your heart thrills. Peter is gazing at you like you’ve hung the stars in his sky. There’s a sincerity in his tone that you’ve only heard a few times before. When he first confessed that he loved you, for one. There’s only one real answer to this question, but considering the circumstances, that isn’t the answer you give just yet.

You lift your head to kiss him once more.

“I’ll say yes next time you ask.”

permanent tag list

@undiadeestos @moonstruckholland

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 219: Two Good Boys and One Unlucky Broker

Previously on BnHA: Katsuki and Shouto had their licenses for all of 30 minutes (literally) before deciding to put them to the test. But let’s backtrack a bit! It was a beautiful snowy day in December and class 1-A was chilling out and watching the news. We were introduced to a company called Detnerat, and their CEO who’s apparently a big fan of this dead terrorist guy named Destro who wrote a book about quirk supremacy and how people with superpowers need to rise up and liberate themselves and shit. It’s actually really interesting and I can see how these ideas would create a divide within hero society much like Stain’s ideology did. But anyway, so the CEO casually murdered his assistant for mocking these ideas, so that was deeply horrifying. And then he went to meet with some other villains (because yeah! he’s a villain, apparently!) who are apparently descendants of Destro (as is he, I presume), and they talked about how they’re gonna arrange a meetup with the League of Villains so that they can FUCK THEM UP. Plot twist! Anyways and then we cut to some hapless citizens who were being robbed by some banditos, and that’s when Katsuki and Shouto showed up as previously mentioned. So let’s see how this goes!

Today on BnHA: Katsuki and Shouto take on Soda Sam (who I really did think was Aizawa’s old buddy for much longer than I’m proud to admit though), who fights back with some pressurized water jets. All Might saves a stupid Instagram lady and Katsuki saves the both of them, and also recovers everyone’s stolen wallets, because he’s a fucking boy scout now that the provisional course is over. Meanwhile Shouto whips out the ol’ hot+cold power combo of sports festival fame and knocks the villain out. Afterwards the two of them are enthusiastically congratulated by a pro hero called Slidin’ Go (who’s secretly evil, as it turns out, because this is a very strange arc) and hair ruffled by All Might and it’s fucking great you guys. We then cut back to the Detnerat guys, who bring in Giran, a.k.a. the League of Villains’ black market broker who just so happens to have balls of fucking steel. Good thing too, because the DetCEO plans to use him to track down and lure out the League so he can take care of them. Lastly, we cut over to said League, whose members are currently in the process of having their asses handed to them by Gigantomachia and are really not looking too hot, oh dear.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my mostly-unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’m caught up with the manga now at chapter 225 -- I haven’t read 226 yet -- so any ETAs will reflect that.)

so it’s come to this. the Symbol of Peace, reduced to directing traffic

listen kid, you’ll have time for autographs later all right? for now just DO AS THE MAN SAYS

meanwhile Shouto’s being a badass

Bakugou may be out of his element in the cold (and we’ll see if this poses a problem for him--he’s only got one gauntlet on top of that), but this lil lukewarm lad is fine and dandy

loooooll

you tell ‘em Shouto. that’s some nice property damage there son. I hope Katsuki tries to keep his own quirk contained, the last thing we need is you guys getting billed Mt. Lady style for destroying fucking main street here all of 25 minutes after getting those licenses laminated

(ETA: I guess he didn’t actually do any lasting damage though? hopefully nothing got flood damaged when he melted all of that afterwards.)

the title of the chapter is “go! sliding go!” which sounds like fun. sounds like more icy goodness

(ETA: why did they name this chapter after the weirdly unsettling and secretly evil THE FULLLLLL BULLPENNN hero, though?? my working theory is that it was Horikoshi’s way of ensuring we wouldn’t just immediately forget he existed so that we could be properly surprised when he returned a few chapters later.)

anyway so Aizawa’s cloudy friend is shaking off the ice, and now he’s chewing the boys out for fucking up his big purse-snatching operation

all that for a handful of wallets?? seriously??

LMAO

I don’t know if it’s that I’m becoming more like him, or if he’s just becoming more like me. but either way Katsuki you gotta get out of my head there kiddo, I’m starting to worry here

by the way is it just me or is he actually higher up than he was just a few seconds ago. are you actually climbing this thing. drunk on adrenaline or what

anyway so Kumo, who may or may not actually be him but we’re just assuming for now, is explaining that he controls carbonated water and he lives for thrills. his words. not mine

okay first of all, no you don’t. fucking no one in this series has more resolve than that lil monkey slowly inching his way up towards that traffic light there

and second, you spent a whole goddamn month planning a purse heist. where the fuck did you get these airs you’re putting on dude

wow you guys

I feel like we should be placing bets not on whether Baku and Todo will win, but on how long it’ll actually take them. I’m thinking not very fucking long

(ETA: this whole thing is wrapped up within ten pages. I could have literally have been present on the scene, said to myself “my what a lovely snowy day, I think I’ll go buy myself some hot chocolate,” ducked into the Starbucks on the corner, and it would have all been over by the time I stepped back out. “you missed it!!” shouts the excited ‘it’s All Might’ kid from page one. “there was ice and explosions and this stupid lady almost got All Might crushed with a pole!”)

MY DUDES WHAT IS THIS??

SIX IN ONE GO. THIS HIGH SCHOOLER IS THE FUTURE NUMBER ONE HERO I’LL HAVE YOU SUCKERS KNOW

AHHAHAHAHAHA

I’M LOVING IT. I’M LOVING THIS. FUCK ‘EM UPPPPP KATSUKI

WHERE’S THAT RESOLVE OF YOURS NOWWWWW

holy shit. it occurs to me that this is only the third time in the series we’ve actually seen him fight real villains. and the second time was at Kamino, and he was pretty much just on the defensive there and trying to keep them all at a distance, so it’s debatable whether or not that really counts. so basically this is the first time since USJ that he’s gotten to just let loose against a bunch of mooks. and I’ve only just realized how much I wanted this omg

apparently he wanted it too lol. also I’m surprised and extremely impressed that he can control his trajectory that well with only one arm. gives me hope that Shouto’ll be going airborne like his pop any day now

anyway so Kumo? is fighting back though

watch out Katsuki he’s got seltzer and he’s not afraid to use it

okay but damn though

is this fucking seltzer water slicing through this metal lamp post??

I just took a brief break from reading this chapter to go look up “water saw” videos on YouTube to try and get an idea of what exactly we may be dealing with there. and well, I found this. so uh. depends on what kind of firepower that thing on his arm is packing I guess. but he might be more trouble than I anticipated

meanwhile!

ALL MIGHT LET HER GO IT’S NATURAL SELECTION

FUCK

IF THIS STUPID LADY GETS ALL MIGHT KILLED IN FRONT OF THESE TWO BOYS WHO WERE SO GUNG-HO ABOUT FINALLY GETTING THEIR LICENSES, SHE BETTER PRAY THE GATES OF HELL CAN PROTECT HER BECAUSE I’M GONNA GET ME SOME FUCKING BOLT CUTTERS AND FOLLOW HER DOWN THERE MARK MY WORDS

OH THANK GOD

oh my goddddd

first of all, whew. and second of all I’m so glad Horikoshi let him have that moment, rather than Shouto. just in case there were any lingering haters out there thinking his heart still wasn’t in the right place and that the only reason he was all TEAM RESCUE, BITCHES in the previous arc was because he wanted to win

and I mean, he did, obviously. but IT CAN BE TWO THINGS, and now we have a nice little moment here with him rescuing his dad (whose body moved before he could think, AS USUAL) and this stupid lady who put her Instagram above her own fucking life

meanwhile

okay Shouto you have my permission to kick his ass

yeah go ahead and fuck him up

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT

PETITION TO PUT SHOUTO IN “GUESS I’VE GOT NO CHOICE” SITUATIONS MORE OFTEN

wow not!Kumo, he is literally the worst possible opponent you could have had huh. sucks to be you

lol Katsuki’s mad that Shouto got to be a badass

they’re getting along so well now. Shouto completely knows how to handle him, he’s like a Kirishima 2.0. he just completely ignores the fact that Katsuki is shrieking insults, and responds as though the questions were phrased normally

and Katsuki actually answers him despite everything. I know it’s crazy, but this is seriously progress

now Dad is running over to make sure they’re okay

“oh, All Might. didn’t see you there. we were just out here being heroic heroes. [stretches casually; yawns] all in a day’s work”

at least he didn’t reference his kidnapping! Kacchan’s protesting but really that’s the best he could have hoped for

so the dude’s asking if they did all of this and uh, yeah. who do think they are, amateurs? I’ll have you know they have provisional licenses, sir

did this motherfucker just pull 13 fucking wallets out of fucking hammerspace to hand over. Link?? is that you??

holy shit. is that why your pants were always so baggy?? WERE YOU JUST BEING PREPARED THIS WHOLE TIME

so not only did Katsuki not destroy so much as an inch of public property (aside from the pole which was already destroyed), he even had the forethought to rescue everyone’s wallets and hand them over to the authorities like the good law-abiding citizen he is

where the fuck is Gang Orca, I need to send that man a fucking fruit bouquet or something

oh my

new favorite panel alert

so this guy, whose name is apparently Sliding Go, says he’ll take care of the rest. okay. thanks man

meanwhile definitely!not!Kumo!mybad!sometimesI’mwrong’s little jet nozzle gauntlets are... exploding??

Detnerat? possibly??

good eye there Sherlock

so I wonder if they got them from Detnerat or from that black market guy the League’s associated with... Giran? I think is his name??

oh shit!!!

new new favorite panel alert

love how Shouto seems shocked at the unexpected gesture of fatherly affection (which hurts my heart. hey All Might you got room for a third son there), whereas Bakugou is just accepting it and probably even knew it was coming and is just trying to keep his cool and trying to calculate how long he can stand there basking in All Might’s pride before it starts to look like he’s actually enjoying it

sdflkjasldkj

SWEETHEART USE YOUR WORDS

Shoutooooooooo. ;_; that little smile is killing me, I’m melting. once the initial surprise wore off he was so happy. look at him shyly fumbling with his tie oh my baby I love you so much

oh to be a fly on the wall of that taxi cab. watching the two of them sit in the backseat as far away from each other as possible and looking out the window and being so pleased with themselves after all their hard work finally paid off. and meanwhile All Might in the front seat next to the driver, peeking at them in the rearview mirror and smiling softly

also fly!me would definitely try to sneak a peek at Katsuki’s fucking hero license because HORIKOSHI COME THE FUCK ON ALREADY WHY IS IT ALWAYS SECRET AFTER FUCKING SECRET

and I guess that’s that! a very satisfying fight that lasted all of 10 pages but had several cool moves, an opponent with a cool quirk, and several character development moments! that’s how it’s done! god this series has been fucking killing it lately I swear. I hope I’m not jinxing it but this is some good shit. the artwork and pacing are great, I’m liking the new plot so far... just, keep it up, Horikoshi, please

(ETA: for real though he is crushing it)

so now we’re cutting back to the ol’ villain corporate office in Gotham City or wherever

ah, so it was Detnerat!

well I can’t say this is a huge surprise. I imagine the villain market was too tempting to pass up

!!!

I swear to god this had better be more entertaining than the last League of Villains team-up

so now this dude with the shiniest, most luxurious hair I’ve ever seen is explaining that he worked fast because DetCEO told him “do so at once” and his words are the words of Destro

damn so there’s a pretty clear hierarchy here huh

OH SHIT

THAT’S FUCKING GIRAN. THAT’S THE DUDE. WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY DO TO HIM?? FIRST A MURDER IN THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER AND NOW THE LEAGUE OF VILLAINS’ FAVORITE BROKER IS GETTING FUCKING TORTURED BY CORPORATE THUGS, WHAT THE FUCK. ARE WE IN FOR ANOTHER HARDCORE ARC

(ETA: indeed we are, but this one is so much better though.)

careful, he’s sensitive and clearly not afraid to kill a bitch for less than that, Giran

!!

“the old man”?? is he talking about DetCEO’s father? or his? surely he’s not talking about AFO?

so now President Why So Serious is asking him how much he wants

and Giran is all “I happen to be picky about who I do business with, and since you all just kidnapped and beat the shit out of me, I’m inclined to say ‘no’ here”

(ETA: Giran is a stand up guy and it cost him a fucking hand. well that’s the risk you run when you work in the criminal underworld I guess.)

holy shit Giran

RIP Giran 2015-2019

but damn though, I gotta hand it to the guy, he’s got a bigger pair than I ever expected

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

okay so I’m just gonna post the whole page and break it down

GIRAN IS FUCKED. THIS GUY IS A MANIAC AND HE’S LEGIT GONNA TORTURE THE INFO OUT OF HIM HOLY SHIT

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, AGAIN

GIGANTOMACHIA IS FUCKING INSANE

AND HOW DID HE GET SO BIG

AND IS COMPRESS FUCKING DEAD. AND WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BEST VILLAIN GIRL TOGA OMG

SPINNER IF THERE WAS EVER A TIME TO REVEAL YOUR QUIRK AND HAVE IT TURN OUT TO BE REALLY BADASS IT’S NOW BUDDY

DABI AREN’T YOU GLAD YOU WERE OUT PLANNING NOUMU SHIT WITH HAWKS AND NOT DEALING WITH THIS UTTER SHITSHOW

IS IT JUST ME OR DOES TOMURA LOOK A LITTLE BUFFER THAN BEFORE? YOU BEEN LIFTING BRO

HOW AND WHY DID THEY GET TO THESE CLIFFS IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING NOWHERE

LAST BUT NOT LEAST, GIGANTO YOU’D BETTER WATCH IT, BECAUSE TOMURA MORE THAN LIKELY IS TRYING TO THINK OF A WAY TO BEAT YOU WITHOUT KILLING YOU, BUT IF HE DOES DECIDE HE WANTS TO KILL YOU, YOU’LL BE PRETTY HARD-PRESSED TO STOP HIM DUDE

oh my god. this is three awesome chapters in a row now. BnHA is killing it, seriously

[noahsfreckles]

Patience.

Summnary: Alexandria has a crush on her brother's best friend, who happens to be Noah Centineo. She's had enough one night and is determined to have him see her more than just his best friend's little sister. Will she succeed or will she always be the best friend's little sister?

Rated: NC-17

Noah. Noah Centineo. The internet's boyfriend. Or as I like to call him, my older brother's best friend who I'm not allowed date or find attractive at all. I never used to like Noah like that until about two months ago after a dream I had about him. No one knows and no can know cause my brother; Chris would kill me and Noah only looks at me like I'm his little sister.

I hate it.

I come home from school and find Noah and a few of their friends; Jack, Kyle, and Travis, in the living room playing Xbox.

I groan and throw my jacket on the hook and go upstairs to my room slamming the door.

Of course he's here when I've been turned on all day from another stupid dream about him.

There's a knock on my door and I walk over to answer when I open the door I see Chris.

"What?" I say highly annoyed and frustrated.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just go back downstairs and play your stupid Xbox and leave me alone!" I slam the door back in his face and lock it.

"Alexandria! Stop being a bitch!"

I go over to my closet and find some clothes to change into. I decide on an over sized black crop that says eat me, black booty shorts that shows the bottom of my cheeks, and some knee high socks.

I don't care anymore. Noah will be mine tonight.

I head downstairs and head into the kitchen to grab something to drink, I'm bending over in the fridge when I hear someone come in so I start shaking my ass a little, I grab the water bottle and lean back out of the fridge. I close the fridge and see Jack, I lick my lips and smirk at him. "Hi Jack."

"H-hey Lex," he says and he looks me up and down.

I move over to the counter and hop up on it and take a sip of my water.

"Chris said I can grab something to drink."

"Go ahead. I won't bite, unless you want me to." I wink at him.

He gets all flustered and grabs a water from the fridge, he quickly leaves after that.

I laugh a little to myself and wait for my next victim. I grab some gummy worms from the cabinet next to me and start eating them.

Travis comes in a few minutes later and I start sucking on a worm and look at him. "Hi Travis."

"Hi Alex."

"What's up?" I twirl my tongue around the worm as I hold it above my lips. I let the worm slip in my mouth and I start sliding it in and out of my lips.

"Not not much. Y-you?"

"Oh you know chilling and eating gummy worms."

I see him move closer to me and I smirk. "Want one?"

He nods his head and I hold one above his head and drop it in his mouth. I bite my lip and wrap my legs around him pulling him closer to me. "Wanna have a taste of something sweeter?"

"Alex? What are you doing?"

"Getting to know my brother's friends."

"You know he's one room away, right?"

"I'm fully aware and I don't care. I can keep my mouth shut, can you?"

He looks at me then looks at the doorway, "I can't Alex. He'll kill me if he catches me."

I unwrap my legs from him, "if you wanna later, you know where to find me."

"I can't. I better go."

"Don't forget your water."

He quickly grabs it and leaves the kitchen. I laugh when he leaves.

Two down. One to go and then set the bait.

I hop down from the counter and head into the living room to grab my laptop.

I walk in and smirk at Travis and Jack.

"Al, would you move! You're gonna make me lose," Chris yells as I walk in front of the tv.

I see my laptop next to Kyle and smirk to myself. I sit down next to Kyle and grab my laptop.

"Hi Kyle," I say and place my hand on his thigh and rub it up and down.

"Hi Lex."

I keep rubbing hand high and higher on his thigh to see how far he will let this go while Chris is five feet away.

"How are you?" I lean over and whisper in his ear.

"I'm g-good. You?"

"Wet." I rub my hand closer to his crotch and he grabs my wrist.

"Chris is right there."

"And?" I look at him and lick my lips.

"Not here."

"But I want it." I pout at him.

He moves my hand back to my thigh and shakes his head. "No."

"Your lose cause," I lean over and whisper, "I have no gag reflex." I lean back and get off the couch, look at Noah then head up to my room.

I go in my room and wait to see if the bait was taken. I open my laptop and start looking for something to watch. I select American Horror Story and lay on my stomach and start watching it.

There's a soft knock on my door and I smirk then look at the door then groan. "What do you want, Chris?"

"We were going to order food, did you want anything?"

"What's everyone want?" I ask.

"Pizza."

"Get the the regular."

"Okay. Money?"

"Dresser."

Chris grabs the $10 bill on the top of my dresser and leaves. I turn my attention back to the screen, I turn over and lay on my back and start watching the show upside down outta boredom when I hear a laugh from my door. I turn my head and see Noah.

"Having fun?"

"Tons." I sit up and sit on the edge of my bed. "Is there something else you needed Noah?" I stand up and walk over to the door.

"Actually there is."

He walks in my room and closes the door behind him, he grabs me by my waist and presses me against the door. He pulls my hands above my head and holds them in one of his hands. "Is there a reason why I wasn't sexually assaulted?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh really? Both Travis and Jack looked like Chris was going to kill them when they came back from the kitchen where you were and don't think I didn't see what you were doing to Kyle." He rubs his free hand up my thigh, getting closer and closer to my core.

"I I was just having a little fun."

I feel his fingers rub over my core and I moan softly. "Is that what you want, baby?"

I nod and moan softly. "Please."

He removes his hand and I groan. He smirks and pulls down my shorts and moves his fingers along my core again. "Tell me what you want."

"I want you Noah. I want you inside me."

"Is that all?"

"Make me scream your name."

"Alex. Lex. Lexi. Alexandria!"

"What?"

"The pizza is here," Noah says.

"Pizza?" I open my eyes, I see Noah standing right outside my door.

What?

I look down and see my hand inside my shorts that are pulled down slightly and you can my blue cheekies, with my fingers teasing my core thinking about the guy standing in my doorway who just caught me.

"I um will be right there."

"Take your time," he says and winks. He turns and walks away.

Fuck my life.

I slowly remove my hand from my shorts, pulling them up and head into my bathroom. I wash my hands and look at myself in the mirror.

Noah. Noah Centineo just caught me with my hand down my shorts pleasuring myself thinking of him doing it.

I just scream and then calmly walk downstairs.

"Hey everything okay? I heard you scream," Chris says and looks at me as he walks out of the kitchen with his plate.

"Yup. I saw a spider and it scared me."

"Okay..." Chris says and continues walking into the living room.

I continue into the kitchen when I see Noah. I bite my lip and continue to go in.

"Hey Lexi," Noah says and smirks.

"Hey Noah," I say calmly when all I am is the exact opposite of calm.

I walk past him and grab a plate from the cabinet and walk over to my pizza, I grab a couple slices and go over to the fridge.

I bend down to get a pop when I feel a presence behind me. I turn my head a little and see Noah.

"Can you grab me that blue Gatorade?"

I look back in the fridge and look at the Gatorade that's all the way in the back of the fridge. I lean in the fridge a little more and grab it when I feel Noah press up against my ass with his crotch. I grip the Gatorade hard and try to keep all my noises inside. I slowly lean up and he grinds against me a little and I bite my lip hard.

"Hey Cent, grab me a water," Kyle yells from the other room.

"Sure," he yells back. "Hey Lexi, can I get a water too?"

"Sure," I say and grab a water and lean back up.

He moves away from me and I turn around, he's standing directly in front of me with a smirk on his lips.

"Your water and Gatorade, Sir." I say and look up at him through my lashes.

"Thanks Lexi." He takes them and his plate and heads into the living room.

"Al, are you coming?" I hear Chris yell.

"Yeah."

Oh god I wish I was, fuck.

I grab my pop and plate heading into the living room. I sit down on the couch Noah is sitting on. He takes a bite of his pizza and smirks at me.

"What are we watching?" I ask pulling my eyes away from Noah.

"Bumblebee," Chris says and presses play on the remote.

We all start watching the movie and eating our pizza.

Half way through the movie, I get a little cold so I grab the blanket behind Noah and I. I cover my legs up and continue to watch the movie.

The movie ends and I stretch, I uncover and get up, "anyone need anything from the kitchen?"

"Can you take my plate while I look for something else to watch?" Chris says and I roll my eyes.

"Anyone else?"

Everyone holds out their plates and I groan. I take everyone's plate into the kitchen and load the dishwasher. I put the pizzas away in the fridge and grab a water, I head back into the living room.

"Where'd Jack go?" I ask when I sit back down

"He had to go home, he has to babysit his brother," Chris says.

"He didn't say bye, rude. What are we watching now?"

"You're not going to like it." Chris says.

I groan, "What?"

"Saw." Chris says.

"Why? Out of all the movies in the world you choose the ones I can't stand." I groan loudly.

"It's only the last three if that helps any," Chris says and laughs.

"It only the last three," I mock back. "Fuck you Christopher."

"You don't have to watch if you don't want to."

"Just press play." I grab the blanket and cover up, I hold some of it up so I can cover my face through the bad parts.

I'm hiding for more than half the movie and all the guys are so into the movie. We're just about to start the next movie when Kyle and Travis decide to go home. Chris presses play once they leave and I groan.

Around ten minutes into Saw 7, Noah leans over as I'm hiding my face, "if you don't stop groaning, I'm going give you a reason to."

My eyes go wide and I bite my lip, he leans back and goes back to watching the movie like nothing was said.

Thirty minutes later, Chris gets up and heads into the kitchen is when I see Noah's hand slide under my blanket. I try to focus on the movie. I feel his hand on my thigh and I try not to show any indication of me feeling it. I keep watching the movie. He starts rubbing my thigh as he watches the movie.

I quickly move so I'm sitting cross legged on the couch, I see Chris come back in with a slice of pizza and I bite my lip. I feel Noah's hand sliding closer and closer to my core.

Something gross happens in the movie so I hid my face, Noah slides his hand over and cups my core in his hand. I try not to move or make any noise, I peak out from the blanket and watch more of the movie.

I feel Noah rub his thumb over my shorts and I bite my lip. He starts rubbing it in circles and I shift slightly. He removes his thumb and I look at him. He slides my shorts to the side and I turn back to the movie. He slides his thumb over my cheekies and I groan a little and pretend to be scared and hide my face.

I peak back out as Noah slides my cheekies to the side.  He leans towards me and whispers, "how bad do you want them?"

I reach my hand down, grabbing his hand and slide it over my core a few times and groan.

He leans back and he slides two fingers over my folds, and I gulp. He teases my core and I hid my face again. I peak out and he slides his index finger inside and I quickly grab his hand. He looks over at me and I slowly let his hand go and relax.

He starts slowly sliding it in and out, my breathing starts to get heavy and he looks at me, he leans over and whisper, "so wet for me." He slides his finger out and slides his index and middle finger inside me and I bite my lip hard.

He leans back and watches the movie as he keeps fingering me. He adds his thumb rubbing over my clit and I groan and hid my face at the perfect time. I can feel myself getting closer and closer, I grab his arm trying to signal that I'm close and I see him smirk.

He pulls his thumb away and then slides his fingers out just as I'm about to cum. I grip his arm and try to bring his fingers back to my core to finish and he laughs a little.

He pulls his hand out of the blanket, starts sucking in his fingers and I whine slightly and look at him. I slide my hand down to my core and tease myself a little, he notices and shakes his head in disapproval and I pout. I pull my hand away and watch the movie. He stop sucking on his fingers and softly moans.

He is going to be the reason I die tonight from sexual frustration

Chris stretches when the movie credits end and look at Noah, "can we finish tomorrow? I'm about to pass out."

"Yeah. Tomorrow."

"You staying?"

Noah pulls out his phone and looks at the time: 3:15 am. "Yeah, I'll take the couch."

"Night guys."

"Night Chris," we both say.

Chris takes his plate in the kitchen and heads downstairs to his room.

I look at Noah and he shakes his head. I head Chris' door close and Noah smirks.

And this is where I die.

"Maybe we should watch the last one to see how wet I can make you," Noah leans over and whispers in my ear.

"Will you let me cum?"

"Maybe...maybe not."

I groan.

"What did I say about groaning?"

I groan again.

"You think you can just tease my friends and not be teased yourself?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I'm sure you don't. And dressing like that in front of me."

"Dressed like what?" I pull the blanket off of me and fix my shorts, standing up in front of him. "What's wrong with my outfit?"

"You're still in it."

Oh fuck.

"Do something about it then."

He grabs my hand and pulls me back to the couch. I straddle his lap and look up at him through my lashes. "What were you thinking about earlier?" Noah asks and rubs my hand over my ass.

"Y-you."

"What was I doing?"

"Teasing me against my door."

"Is that what you want?"

"And for you to make me scream your name."

"Fuck."

I start sliding back and forth on his lap causing him to groan. "I'm still so wet for you, Noah. I always get so wet when I think of you."

"Mmm baby. I should have done this a long time ago."

"Mmm Noah."

"Lexi." He moves his hands to my crop top and pulls it off. He places his hands on my bra and massages my breasts. "God you always make me so hard."

"Always? Has Noah been thinking about me when he's alone?"

"Only mmm you."

"Your best friend's little sister, naughty boy."

He smirks and pulls me down, to kiss me and I pull back and shake my head. He groans at me.

"I wanna taste you so bad, Lexi."

"You already got a taste," I grind down hard.

"I need another. You're so intoxicating."

"Patience." He groans and bucks up when I grind down, I groan loudly. "Fuck me."

"Mmm my pleasure." He picks me up off his lap and lays me down on the couch. He moves on the couch and slips off my shorts.

"Noah."

"What?"

"Not here. Please. My bed. Make my fantasies come true."

"Can't deny a girl her wish, now can I?"

I shake my head no.

He moves away from me and gets off the couch, he holds out his hand and I take it. He helps me off the couch and I walk towards the stairs, he walks behind me.

I get to the stairs and I look back at him, to him licking his lips and checking my ass out. I start waking up the stairs and he presses against me. We walk up the stairs together and once we get to the top, he presses me against the wall.

"Noah," I whisper and he rubs his hands over my thighs.

"So sexy." He kisses my neck and I moan softly. He rubs his hand over my core causing me to moan loudly. "Shh baby don't wanna wake up Chris."

"Fuck Chris."

"Mmm I'd rather fuck you."

I moan when he removes his hand from my core and pulls me into my room. He softly closes the door and locks it. "I'm glad you forgot to do that earlier," he smirks.

I walk over to the bed, moving my computer to the floor and laying down on the bed. I run my hands over my body and over my core. "Noah," I moan as I tease myself with my fingers.

He watches me from the door and pulls off his shirt and takes off his sweats. He starts to palm himself over his boxer briefs.

I motion for him to come here with my finger and he smirks. He walks over and gets on the bed and lays between my legs. "Can I taste you?"

I nod.

He starts kissing down my neck and I moan softly when I realize he didn't mean my lips. He kisses each of my breasts through my bra and down my stomach. "Noah," I moan as he gets closer.

He continues to kiss my stomach, he kisses my right hip and I run my fingers through his brown curly hair. He bites my hip and I moan. He kisses the bite and start sucking on the spot.

He rubs his middle finger over my core.

"Noah. Please."

He bites my hip again, "patience."

I groan and he slides his middle and index over my core. He kisses up my lower stomach and kisses my left hip before biting it and sucking on the spot. "So wet."

"Please."

He hooks his fingers in the waist band of my cheekies and slowly pulls them down. He moves between my legs and moves my legs so they're over his shoulders.

I reach down and run my fingers through his hair. He looks up at me and smirks.

He slides a finger inside me. "So wet baby girl." He starts sliding it in and out a few times before adding his middle finger.

"Noah," I moan softly.

He licks his lips and moves closer, he licks my clit and I about cum just from that one lick.

"Fuck."

He does it again and I moan louder. He removes his fingers and I moan. "Shh baby girl." He licks his fingers as he makes eye contact with me. He leans down and presses his mouth into my core and starts licking and sucking on my clit and core.

I grip his hair hard and pull on it. "Fuck Noah!" He groans when I pull his hair. "N Noah I'm gonna fuck if you mmmfuck don't mmm stop."

He groans again and pulls away. "Cum for me."

I moan before he starts sucking and licking again. I can feel myself getting closer and closer. I grip his hair hard and start squirming. He holds me down and keeping sucking.

"Noah! Fuck fuck fuck!"

He groans but holds his ground.

"Noah!" I pull his hair harder and start cumming. He keeps licking and sucking even harder. I start squirming more. "Fuck!" I start panting fast, once my orgasm has subsided he pulls away with one long lick.

"Fuck!" He says and licks his lips and kisses up my body. He moves so his clothed cock is rubbing against my over stimulated core.

"Noah."

He smirks and licks his lips. He leans down and start kisses me and I wrap my arms around his neck pulling him closer. He starts grinding against me and I moan in the kiss. He pulls away slightly to kiss down my neck.

"I want him. Noah please."

"Patience."

"Mmm no mmm hickeys. Chris kill."

He nods and stops sucking on my neck. He kisses my lips and grind against me one more time. He moves to get off the bed.

"Top drawer."

He smirks and moves back between my legs. I lean up slightly and I unhook my bra and slip it off, he leans over to the nightstand and grabs a condom. "Someone was ready."

"A girl can dream."

"Baby I'm about to make it a reality."

He slide off his boxer briefs and I see him for the first time and I moan.

"Someone likes what they see?" He asks as he strokes himself before sliding on the condom.

"Yes Noah. Please."

He repositions himself between my legs. He rubs his cock over my folds and I moan.

"Please. No mmm more teasing. I need him."

"Oh my god you are so sexy," he says and slowly starts sliding inside.

I moan loudly and grip the sheets. "Fuck Noah."

"Mmm Lexi." He slides all the way inside and gives me time to adjust. He leans down and kisses my lips till I bite his lip. He groans and slowly starts working up a rhythm.

I grip his bicep and moan loudly.

"So wet."

"Noah, harder."

He moans and starts going harder. I gasp loudly and wrap my legs around him causing him to angle just right and I roll my eyes back.

"There!"

He moans loudly and start hitting my g spot over and over.

"No-Noah!"

"Lexi!"

He keeping hitting my spot.

"Cl Close Noah please."

"What do you mmm want Lexi?"

"Make me scream."

"Fuck." He leans down and angles his hips and starts going harder and faster.

"Yes yes yes. Noah."

"Mmm baby."

He leans down more and starts kissing my neck. "Close baby."

I move my hands to around his neck and moan loudly.

"Uh you gonna cum for me?" He goes harder if possible.

"Noah! Yes yes yes."

"Lexi." He bites my neck hard as I start cumming hard.

"Noah!" I scream and pull at his hair.

"Fuck Lexi." He groans loudly when my walls clench around him. He keeps sliding hard and fast into my over stimulated core.

"Gonna make me cum again."

He groans loudly and links one of our hands together. "You Mmm feel so fucking good."

"Make me cum Noah, make me cum."

I bites my neck again and slams into me hard and I lose it again. He slides out and slams into me harder.

"Noah!" I start cumming harder than last time. My walls clench hard around him and he slams in one more time.

Lexi!" He yells and stills.

I can feel him cumming in the condom. I move my legs and press him into me more causing us both to moan.

"Fuck," he pants out.

"Fuck is right."

I slowly unwrap my legs from him and he pulls out. He pulls off the condom, ties it and tosses in the trash next to my bed.

He lays down next to me and pulls my against his naked body, pulling the covers over us and snuggles into my neck.

"Noah?"

"Hmm."

"How long?"

"Two weeks after I met you. You?"

"Two months. And Chris is going to kill us."

"Worth it. So worth it," he whispers the last one and kisses my neck softly and pulls me closer.

so... thoughts...I had writer’s block for my other story and this is what happened...

[mokocchii]

The Kyman Fanfic Ultimate Guide (or in other words, how to be a kyman hoe)

So lurking in Kyman fandom for awhile people would ask, what do you recommend reading? Well, after much searching I conjured up a list in what I believe to be the best Kyman fics. As well since this is Kyman week might as well fellow fans read some good shit during this fabulously gay week.

Remember folks, my list is incredibly biased HOWEVER from reading countless kyman fanfics and engaging with fellow kyman fans, this is solely based on what I consider to be strong kyman fics in terms of story structure, writing style, characterization, and overall enjoyment.

RATING: E

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we don't sleep when the sun goes down

by izzybusiness

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9450338

“Okay, will someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?” Cartman finally yells, clearly at the end of his tether. “So, what, everyone here got struck by lightning and now you’ve got superpowers like some kind of all-gay Justice League?” Misfits AU.

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Unwell

By cigarettestainedeyes

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12319431

Kyle's being introduced to a whole new side of himself, the panicked side, the scared side, and he doesn't much care for it. Support comes from the last place he expected.

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The Rules

By Creatortan

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13389867

South Park has many rules. 

1) don’t try to get involved with Kyle Broflovski. You will face the wrath of Eric Cartman. Plus Kyle just isn’t interested, even if he pretends to be.

2) don’t try to get involved with Eric Cartman. You will face the wrath of Kyle Broflovski. And Eric isn’t interested and doesn’t try to hide that. 

3) don’t try to get in between Cartman and Kyle. It never ends well. Just let them get it out of their systems.

.

RATING: T

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Cant we just try?

By shortstackedchessecake96

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5187086

If Eric had his stubborn way, he'd deny his feelings forever. But Kyle's not going to let that happen.

 .

Higher, Higher

By Sweeticing

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13518693/chapters/31008642

Bebe tries to use a love potion on Kyle, but the plan goes wrong when the potion makes him fall for Cartman instead. Good thing Cartman hasn't been pining for Kyle for eight years or anything crazy like that.

 .

Cartman Gets bored

By sorrowfulJoy

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13062774

Cartman gets bored at 11pm and tries to get his friends to come and spend time with him, texting fic

.

Secondhand

By SnyapticFirefly

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7751491

Cartman does what he does best: peer pressuring impressionable Jews the only way he knows how.

 .

Keep Your Enemy Closer

By guineabees

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9123163

A story about what happens when a superhero and their rival have been living under the same roof without realising it.

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I Won’t Fall For You

By shortstackedchesscake

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13247808

Just when Kyle thought turning up alone to a wedding - that was starting to feel like a college reunion - couldn't get any worse, it turns out Eric Cartman is invited too. But Eric may just be his saving grace, and Kyle decides to run with his inevitably crazy plan even if he thinks he knows better. But Kyle is a lot smarter than his college friends, he won't fall for Eric that easily... will he?

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the coriolis effect

by briwookie

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11544261

"There's nothing wrong with being attracted to the same sex." Kenny would say, but Eric Cartman had always thought otherwise.

It just surprises him that it takes Kyle Broflovski getting drunk at a bar with another man to prove him wrong

 .

Sunday best and broken glass

By cherryvanilla

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2296934

Cartman doesn’t do nervous. He’s done plenty of fucking public speaking, public singing, public anything but tonight – tonight, he’s nervous. Maybe it’s because this stupidly means more than any of those other times, even though he wishes to fuck he could deny that. Because he actually cares this time. It isn’t based around some manipulation. Maybe it’s because Stan’s up there right now singing and playing electric guitar to Sweet Child O’ Mine like a lame-o, but he’s actually fucking good and all Cartman’s got is a dumb emo love song and an acoustic and a future bill for rejection.

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Between love and hate

By izzubusiness

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8239649

“Fuck you, whore!” Cartman yells, getting to his feet and stomping over to the other end of the room. “What the fuck are you even doing in my house?” 

“What were you doing with Kyle’s tongue in your mouth?” Wendy counters back, and if Stan’s head wasn’t about to explode under the weight of everything going on, he thinks he might have high fived her for that wicked burn.

 .

I said I wouldn't by I did

By captaindude

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2754203

In which Cartman is whipped and he doesnt even know it. but mostly sex though.

 . 

Redéfinition de l'individu

By Kymanlvr

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6481633/1/Redéfinition-de-l-individu

Kyle Broflovski is tired of his dull, unchanging life. But after he returns from being away from South Park for the summer, things start to spiral out of control, and everything falls apart. Mainly Kyman. Strong language and references to sex.

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Don’t Touch Me

By Soul Flash

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5231878/1/Don-t-Touch-Me

When your life hits an all time low, things can't possibly get any worse, right? Not for Kyle Broflovski. Slash, Kyle/Cartman.

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Respect My Authority

by Soul Flash

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5687376/1/Respect-My-Authority

There's only one thing you can do when a Jew tries to mess with your mind: play some mind games yourself. After all, all's fair in love and war. Kyman, slash. Cartman's POV. Companion fic to Don't Touch Me.

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Boundaries

By cutie pie 9335

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6547130/1/Boundaries

Cartman finally crosses the line that Kyle had so carefully drawn. Kyman, amongst other pairings.

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Afflictions and Affections

By PartiPooper

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10588091/1/Afflictions-and-Affections

When Kyle is sick, as per usual, Cartman pays him a visit. He even so much as looks after him, in his own bitter-sweet way. (Fluffy Kyman One-Shot; Rated T for profanities.)

 .

The Sorry Struggle

By Partipooper

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11152548/1/The-Sorry-Struggle

When Cartman does something bad to Kyle, he tries to say sorry - "tries" being the keyword. AKA, How Not To Say Sorry To Your Boyfriend. (Slightly Silly Kyman One-Shot; Rated T for profanities, slightly sexual scenes, and the follies and flatulence of youth.

 .

if I didn't believe in you, we’d never have gotten this far

by orphan_account

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11282883

Kyle and Eric are both getting tired of the 'no strings attached' asterisk attached to their relationship.

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The Stag Prince

By Synaptic Firefly

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4979806/chapters/11437663

A Swan Princess parody. Grand Wizard Prince Eric and High Elf Prince Kyle are roped into an arranged marriage. Honestly, who thought this was a good idea to start with? Eventual Kyman, slight Stenny, and poor Butters is a paladin.

.

RATING : M 

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Restraints

By Soul Flash

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5867328/1/Restraints

“Goddammit, Jew...” Cartman breathed as he furiously began to work on Kyle's belt buckle, “Why'd you have to wear a goddamn belt today...?” Kyman. Graphic lemon. Contains whipping, rimming, frottage, dirty talk, masochism, and more.

 .

How Long Till You Surrender?

By wettmark

https://archiveofourown.org/works/453686

Stan is self destructing, Craig Tucker might be gay, Butters can't handle Cartman's wiener, and Kyle just wants to get out of South Park without losing his mind, his best friend, or his virginity.

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A Series of Left Turns

By ScribbleSibly

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4088479/chapters/9208600

Kyle, now 17 and preparing to be a responsible adult, is drowning in the stress of his mundane life. Until Cartman gets an idea. Kyle POV. Heavy swearing and smut later on.

. 

Perfectionist

By shortstackedcheescake96

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6452782

Kyle appreciates Eric's praise perhaps more than he really should. It is rare, after all. (All characters are 18+)

. 

Backseat Confession

By psychelelicgoolash

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1907814

It was moments like these he wondered why he let that Jewish son of a bitch ensnare him like he did. How Kyle could just wrap him around his finger as he rolled onto his back, allowing Cartman full access to his unfastened jeans. Aged Up. Kyman. Smut.

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Comfort

By NocturnalLament

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5361029

Unable to sleep due to 'unfortunate circumstances', Kyle finds solace in the form of Cartman - but as is inevitable with these boys it's not as simple as a mere sleepover, and Kyle gets more than he'd bargained for. This fanfic is based on the events of the incredible blog 'Ask The Main Four' on Tumblr, and is totally canonical to the universe. NSFW Kyman smut, first time and delicious grinding warning.

.

Games

By NocturnallLament

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4932157

The card game was enjoyable at first, but it very soon became clear Cartman had much bigger ambitions for is 'alone time' with Kyle - despite his parents sleeping in the room down the corridor. Unable to resist, Kyle tries to contain himself and stay quiet... but it's much easier said than done, especially when the sex is THIS good.

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Mission Accomplished

by NocturnalLament

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3144293

Concerned about the imminent yearbook photographs, Kyle is intent on staying clean of hickeys - much to Cartman's displeasure. But Eric has never been one to back down from a challenge, and if he can help it the feisty auburn wont stay reluctant for long. Yummy smut with hints of fluff at the end. Kyman One-shot.

 .

more than words can say

by NocturnalLament

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4794164

After an innocent slip of the tongue, Kyle can't help but wonder if he'd put their relationship in jeopardy. After a summer of strange behavior and evasiveness from Cartman, Kyle wants answers... but the truth is something he never had expected.

One word to describe myself

By confunded

https://archiveofourown.org/works/604033

"Because he was mine, and in a way he always had been. He just didn’t know it. Yet." Your standard love/hate oneshot featuring our favorite frenemies. Established sort-of-relationship, Cartman wants more and Kyle is a tease. Fighting ensues. Super smutty, but maybe there's more to it than just some porn. Maybe.

 .

Denial

By SchwiftyJerry666

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13728942

At parties, when everyone's usually too high or drunk to notice or care, two enemies find that the line between love and hate is a very thin one indeed.

 .

Express Love

By BookishTea

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8799361/chapters/20173393

Kyle misses his husband after a long and boring business trip.

. 

Baby, Now you do

By charmzz

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13379967/chapters/30644319

Five years ago, Eric Cartman was hunched over him, with a fat hand on Kyle’s throat and the tip of a knife pointed between his eyes.

.

might last a day (minus forever)

by cherryvanilla

https://archiveofourown.org/works/420889

At twenty-five, Kyle Broflovski thought he had his life all planned out. He was living in Denver with Stan with a nice apartment and a decent job. Suddenly, his world is turned upside down when Stan breaks up with him and he loses his job all in the span of a few months. Now Kyle is back in South Park, living with his parents, and trying to figure out where he goes from here. Enter Eric Cartman, who always got under Kyle’s skin as a kid, and who was now about to do so again, in more ways than one. (A story about reevaluating yourself and your life. Or, How Kyle Broflovski Got His Groove Back.)

 . 

Go on, take everything (I want you to)

By cherryvanilla

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5070895

In retrospect, Kyle should’ve seen it coming. In retrospect, he really didn’t. Sequel to might last a day (minus forever).

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Fake it so real

By cherryvanilla

http://archiveofourown.org/works/266865

In which there is a party and seven minutes in heaven.

.

 I am beyond fake

By cherryvanilla

http://archiveofourown.org/works/503667

It’s been exactly 24 hours since Kyle was in seven minutes in heaven with Cartman and he hasn’t thought of anything else but the feel of his lips and the press of his body. Sequel to Fake it So Real.

.

Disintegration (is the best album)

By dont_take_me_im_seriously

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13325070/chapters/30499041

Kyle's Sunday morning began with an appalling marriage proposal and only got stupider from there. Now he's on the run from the government, stranded in a post-apocalyptic wasteland and contending with the idea that Eric Cartman might just have a heart to break after all.

. 

Tough Luck & Tough Love

By kylebiased

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13807146/chapters/31746348

Cartman bets he can break his previous bike-jumping record. Kyle bets he cannot. Cartman bets that if he can make said jump, Kyle will have to own-up to his end of their old fourth grade bet, and give him head. Kyle accepts this bet, since he obviously, cannot lose.

Cartman wins and now Kyle, is totally, screwed.

...Only thing Cartman never betted on, however? Finally realizing he's got actual feelings for Kyle.

Now, they're both screwed.

.

Put out the fire on us

By I_Already_Forgot

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7262815/chapters/16490188

 .

Cartman cheats at a bet he'd made with Kyle and when the other refuses to pay him Cartman decides to get creative. Kyle knows not to let Cartman goad him into anything, but in the end his ego wins out and through a series of poor decision making they find themselves stranded in the woods all night, handcuffed together, bruised and battered. They have to work together in order to make it through and the near-death experience forces them to talk in ways they haven't before. The ordeal sheds new light on their friendship, and Kyle wonders if things will ever be able to go back to the way they used to be, or if he even really wants them to.

.

Hate

By Kymanlvr

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5953936/1/Hate

There are people in this world that would, upon first glance, have looked at them and called them enemies. A story about Kyle and Cartman, and how a series of events bring them closer together. Kyman.

.

Hiring Hope

By Partipooper

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10659998/1/Hiring-Hope

Cartman has a job interview to attend, and Kyle has worrying about him to do. (Fluffy & Smutty Kyman One-Shot; Rated M for profanities and sexual scenes.)

 .

Time Bomb

by sweeticing

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13009413

Cartman got therapy, Kyle has a hard-on, and New Year’s Eve remains a cause for celebratory champagne even if you’re locked in a bathroom with your worst enemy.

 .

In my office, now

by mokocchii (yes i wrote a fic too)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14469690 

Working for Mr. Cartman hasn't been easy. (Or has it?)

.

.

HONORABLE MENTION (If already a kyman fan you’ll get the joke)

Kyle in Chains

By DanniDinmont

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4676235/1/Kyle-in-Chains

Kyle has a problem, and it seems that there's only one solution to it. Slash, Kyle/Cartman.

.

.

.

I also wanna give a shoutout to these kyman authors, cherryvanilla, shortstackedchessecake96, partipooper, ScribbleSibyl, synapticfirefly, and NocturnalLament for their surplus of quality quantity fics. They’ve written more than what I mentioned on this list, so I highly recommend to read ALL their work regarding Kyman. I suggest to check both their AO3 and FF.net accounts for the full archives of their work. 

Happy Kyman Week everyone! 

[marginallygreen]

Dry shampoo — hot damn

All the questions you didn’t know to ask about this new hair product deal.

We wanted to write an article about a couple of hair products — but then we started doing some research on dry shampoo and shit got real fast.

To people with all different hair types: we see you and we love you because their are lots of different kinds of dry shampoo from stuff for naturally dry hair to the real greasy shit — you just gotta find the right kind for you. Love for all.

If you don’t use dry shampoo this article still has info about other things that are good to know. Obvi we would think that cause we wrote this shit but it’d be cool if you listened to us anyway.

When did dry shampoo become a thing?

We are obvi people who ask too many questions for lyfe to answer. But once we started researching dry shampoo, one of the first questions that came to mind was: what is the history? How long has this been a thing for humans?

I always thought of it as something for skinny blondes with beach waves using it, but that’s probs just cause ads + skinny blondes are seen as the shit in a lot of Western societies. Sadness all around (no offence blondies, but everyone is beautiful).

As usual, we are mooching off of other people’s info and making sure their sources seem legit. There’s this sweet blog we discovered that had a lot of info on dry shampoo, so here are a few highlights — but if you want to know more you should go check it out (it’s worth your time).

1401–1500 - People in Asia knew what was up. They used clay as a form of dry shampoo in the 15th century. Idk why but the century thing has always confused me… just one of those things (truth).

1701–1800 - It was used for wigs in the US. My guess is because those things created some sweaty ass heads. But I may be projecting my sweaty ass head probs onto others. Lyfe.

1940s - This is when the commercial shit became a thing.

1940–1970 - Homemakers wanted a quick fix to deal with their hair, cause that life is no joke.

1960s - As usual, a celeb made it more popular. This time it was Lesley “Twiggy” Larson. But I’m usually not very interested in celebs so let’s move on.

Ok so dry shampoo: WTF?

I remember looking at a dry shampoo bottle and thought: what the fuck are humans doing to their hair? I mean for real.

I didn’t know what was in that shit so I decided to make my own, but was supes lazy and didn’t take the time to look up some of the chemicals in dry shampoo and why they might be bad for you. But here are some chemicals to look out for if you use it:

Talc

In doing a little research, we found out one of the main culprits: talc. This stuff is def one to look out for, cause it’s bad.

Talc is a material made from magnesium, silicon, oxygen, and asbestos fibres. And inhaling asbestos fibres can be a real bitch.

The American Cancer Society has listed talc as an ingredient to avoid because asbestos is “known to cause cancers in and around the lungs when inhaled.” So best avoid that mofo cause cancer is not something to fuck with.

Propane

Dry shampoo in aerosol cans (which we’ll get to more of that later) also use some form of propane or butane to achieve that misty glory.

Low amounts of propane/butane are usually chill, but that doesn’t mean you should be spraying it all over your greasy head every damn day. Studies cited by the National Institute of Health have linked overexposure to propane to respiratory problems and headaches.

As with most things, the bad side effects come from LOTS of consistent exposure to this stuff. But it’s worth knowing about chemicals that can cause problems.

And if there’s a natural alternative to achieve the same result (spoiler: there totes is), then why not check that out?

Triclosan

Exposure to triclosan has been linked to a higher likelihood of colon cancer. This chemical is also bad news for the environment: in the US, it’s listed as one of the top 10 pollutants found in rivers.

And once this gets in a river, it turns into a toxin that can kill algae and other plant life. Aside from dry shampoo, this stuff is also real common in household soaps and toothpaste.

Other things to watch for

With commercial dry shampoo, there’s usually lots of chemicals at work. There’s a website called The Good Guide that provides loads of information about beauty products. It also lists what chemicals are in each, and if they are banned in any countries.

Naturally, we were curious about some of the best sellers so we looked it up. You can see how they perform in this nifty chart below.

Here’s how to read it: the higher up towards the top a bubble is, the more “use restrictions” the product has. A use restriction just means that in at least one country, regulatory bodies have made some laws against using too much of a chemical in consumer products.

The further to the right a bubble is, the higher the hazard score. This is a score created by the Good Guide website summarising the potential downfalls of stuff, both environmentally and for personal health.

Do people even use dry shampoo?

This shit sells. Who would have guessed that dry shampoo was a hot industry? But apparently it is. One of the top dry shampoo sellers is a company called Batiste. They sell 2.2 cans every second. That’s a lot of fucking cans.

The dry shampoo industry was worth 3 billion dollars (2.3 in pounds) in 2017. Idk about you but I did not see that number coming. And the industry is expected to grow even more in the next several years. This stuff is making it pour dolla dolla bills.

Out of curiosity we thought it would be fun to see how often people Google dry shampoo. I know you’re totes jelly of our fun filled lives.

In the past five years, search interest for “dry shampoo” has doubled according to Google search trends. Google assigns a search index score to everything that people search for with a number from 0–100, but they don’t tell you the raw search volume cause they’re stingy like that.

Basically, 0 = no one really cares, and 100 = peak dry shampoo searching. And at the start of 2018, Google reached peak dry shampoo fo sho.

We should all probs chill with the spray cans.

Another thing worth mentioning: aerosols. You might use them on the regs. Not saying that as a judgment thing — we sometimes use them too, but are trying not to (hence this blog).

Examples of this aerosol shit? That airy, SPF 50 sunscreen with the spray top. Your fave perfume that makes you smell like good things. Also, most dry shampoo. That kinda stuff.

Most things that take a liquid and spray it out into some vapor-like shit is an aerosol, and those can be bad fucking news for the environment. They contribute to global warming and deplete the ozone layer. But to be fair, we’ve gotten a bit better.

Here’s the deal: before the 1970s, aerosol cans used this ozone-depleting chemical called chlorofluorocarbons (try saying that while drunk…most people just call them CFCs to keep it simple).

By the 1980s, most companies had taken this shit out of their products and the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency formally banned it from future products. So like, halfsie thumbs up.

Basically, this means that aerosols are still allowed as long as they don’t have CFC. But they still emit hydrocarbons which also contribute to global warming.

Hydrocarbons are better than CFCs but still not good. Kinda like eating cheap Italian food. Still tastes nice but we want fancy ass carbs in our lives — aka we should be aiming for no aerosols.

Maybe more importantly, aerosols emit this shit called volatile organic compounds (VOCs), which have been shown to add to ground-level ozone levels. More ground-level ozone = more asthma-inducing smog.

This has gotten bad enough that the state of California has started regulatingany products known to have VOCs. Cue Where Is the Love by Black Eyed Peas am I right?

Algae luv

Wow we’re in p deep to this hair stuff; but I guess there is no turning back at this point. So here is some other semi-related stuff we found while deep in the hair product archives of my soul.

This next bit is about anti-dandruff shampoo, so not the same, but kinda like a second cousin. I came across some info that suggested anti-dandruff shampoos often contain something called climbazole. Yeah, I didn’t know what the fuck that was.

Apparently, climbazole is a fungicide that has been linked to increasing phototoxicity in algae and other water-dwelling plants. Phototoxicity just means plant injury — I obvi had to look that up too. Also “has been linked” means that smart people are doing research to find out more, but it’s still worth paying attention to.

Also why is algae that important? You may remember from science class (which full disclaimer I did not), or maybe you had to look it up. A person’s brain can only remember so much. I mean, I knew vaguely that I should think algae was important. I knew it mattered in my heart of hearts but couldn’t remember why.

Basically bb creatures eat algae. They rely on that shit. And then bigger creatures eat the little ones because lyfe is brutal.

But then the chain just continues so less algae = less bb fish, etc. Obvi too much of a good thing can be bad too so we need there to be a balance and chemicals can get in the way of that.

The dry shampoo in my lyfe.

Just a quick heads, I personally have an interesting hair texture. I usually wash mine once a week, maybs twice if I’m super sweaty and it smells like ass — but I like to take on the grime.

I also have dry but greasy hair and no one ever taught me how to take care of it, so I use a mixture of things for all different hair types. But ya gotta know your body — the dry shampoo that works for me won’t work for all hair types.

I make my own dry shampoo so I don’t have to worry about the chemicals and I can’t love this shit enough. For real though. I can’t be washing my hair every day but I have major grease issues.

Here’s my regimen: I pretty much shower and then start using the dry shampoo once the grease really starts to show. I have some thick ass hair so I have to apply it in layers by the roots.

Since I have darker hair I use cocoa powder. It does smell, but I found the only issue is that I want to eat chocolate more — kinda like being in a bakery without being able to eat the sweets. But I’m getting p good at channelling my midwestern religious upbringing to practice self-discipline.

I usually apply it with my fingers. Some people use old makeup brushes but I didn’t have one of those since I don’t wear makeup on the regs, and just got makeup brushes last year. I was totes stuck in the 90’s just applying stuff with fingers, but my younger siblings were appalled so they gave me makeup lessons. What is lyfe?

Once I make the dry shampoo I usually keep it in one of those bb jam jars or a spice container. You know — reuse shit.

The recipe I use is easy and I found it on another blog — I obvi wasn’t the one to come up with the recipe. I realise this recipe won’t work for all hair types, but give it a go. The ingredients are supes cheap and it’s easy to whip up.

If you feel like this recipe doesn’t work for your hair texture, but are real into finding something without chemicals, please message us. We can go on this journey together.

Marginally Chill. Good vibes to all.

This post was originally published on marginallygreen.com. Come say hi.

[choisgirls]

Requests for Saeran you say? Hmmmm... What about some Fouran aka the amazing otp

a-mess-of-a-princess said:Uuhhh can i get some… fouran?? And a milkshake shanks :3

i love hate both of you and I full on wrote one

I used this prompt HERE

and yeah its a self-insert so if you guys are reading and don’t /like/ it, that’s a-okay, feel free to change the name and appearances to match your own ^^

Words: its uuuuuuuh 3,546 words

Pairing: Saeran x Four so viva la fouran

Masterlist~

The bell over the doorjingles.

I look over the counter- afairly tall figure started to approach fairly rapidly. As they got closer, Icould see full hips being hugged by black leather jeans and a long, silverwallet chain swiftly bouncing off of them. I felt my face get hot and ducked backdown to finish cleaning the previously spilled soil before they got closer. Anotherglanced revealed their leather coat, grey tank top and- God, Saeran, don’t lookat her chest, what is wrong with you! Now you have to look her in the eye,knowing you already looked at her chest. Wait- oh she’s really close now, Ishould probably stand up. She looks angry, is she alright?

Standing up, I open mymouth to welcome her to my shop before being cut off by her hand slamming a $20bill onto the counter. Looking through her long lashes, her electric blue eyespierced right through me- I couldn’t tell if I was infatuated, or genuinelyterrified. I was starting to feel sorry for whoever made her this angry.

“How do Ipassive-aggressively say ‘fuck you’ in flower?” a smooth voice passed byher lips.

“Good morning to youtoo, miss” I say, watching as she closed her eyes for a second whiletaking a deep breath.

“I’m sorry, I’mjust… so pissed off. You’re right, I was being rude. You deserve better thanthat, let me try again,” suddenly she crouched down on the other side ofthe counter, startling me when she popped back up with a bright smile now gracingher features. “Good morning, Mr. Shop keep!” she bowed with anexaggerated flourish, “How might one say, oh I don’t know, ‘Fuck you’ inflower, all mighty flower God?” She giggled at herself after, covering hermouth before continuing. “No, but really. Is there a way to do that? I’dreally like a bouquet like that.”

With a thoughtful smile ather enthusiasm, I lean against the counter with my chin in my palm. “Hmm,I think there’s a way to do that, yeah. Mind if I ask why?” I watched herfake smile turn down to a frown before moving her hand to move her bangs awayfrom her eye- I felt my own smile falter.

“Ah, just… some exboyfriend of mine. It’s- It’s a long story,” she stammered, looking at herfeet. Well shit- I didn’t mean to do that.

“H-hey look, no needto tell me, just trying to make conversation,” I said, standing straightand rubbing the back of my neck. I’m starting to get nervous and tense, butwhy? I looked at how distant her eyes seemed now, thinking back to her previousrelationship. 'Damn, I don’t want to see her like that,’ I thought to myself,looking away from her before she noticed me staring. With a soft sigh, Icleared my throat and glanced her way again. “I don’t normally let peopleback here, but…” I started, walking to the greenhouse door, “Youlook really determined to tell this dude to fuck off. Want to come back with meand watch?”

Her whole face lit up likethe sun- her eyes brightened up like the blue sky to match. There- I like thatlook a lot better than the last one. Wait, maybe I like it a little too much- Ican feel my face heating up again, dammit! I gestured for her to hurry up andget through the door before closing it behind us, using that time to take adeep breath. What was I doing? What’s happening? I never let anyone near myflowers- what is this stranger doing to me all of a sudden?

Behind me, I hear a soft'wow’ pass by her lips. Over my shoulder, I can see her profile as she looksaround the room at all of the flowers.

“There’s so manycolours in here. And you take care of them all? By yourself?” she asked. Iwalked up next to her and started to beam with pride.

“Yup! They’re like mybabies. Come on,” I lightly brush my fingertips against her hand before Iretract my hand. What did I just try to do? Hold her hand? Saeran, get a grip.I find my hand scratching behind my neck again, nervously trying to redeemmyself. “L-let’s go this way. The ones we want first are gonna be overhere.” I lead her to some bright red geranium’s, watching the corners ofher mouth curl upwards.

“Wow!” shecrouched down to get face to face with them. I noticed she got as close aspossible, but didn’t touch them. She seems to have high respect for theflowers, or maybe for me? I watch her smile face up at me- if she keeps thisup, my face will be as red as these flowers. Crouching down next to her, I pickthrough the geranium’s and cut them with long stems. “Hey, I never caughtyour name?” she said, as I stopped mid-cut. Shit, that’s right. I mentallyface-palmed myself.

“I-it’s Saeran.Nothing special,” my eyebrows drew together as she groaned indisappointment. “I’m… sorry?” I turned to look at her in confusion.I came face to face with this adorable pout and had to move back a little bitto slow my heart rate.

“Nah, it’s alright. Ijust thought maybe it was some sort of flower pun,” she started, glancingto the flowers before looking back at me. I immediately shot her a deadpanstare- she returned with a slight shrug and a smirk. “You neverknow!”

“Haha, reallyfunny,” I finished clipping the stems and stood up, watching as shefollowed. “So?” I raised an eyebrow, “What about you? What’syour name?” She tilted her head to the left- I watched as her longer,side-swept bangs fell across her face. What an idiot.

“My name’sFour,” she muttered, tucking her bangs behind her ear- the curls causedthem to bounce right back out.

“Four? Like thenumber?” I shook my head with a chuckle. Was that a slight blush on herface? “And you thought my name was going to be funny?”

“Hey! It’s anickname!” there was that pout again. She had naturally pouty lips, Ipreviously noticed, so her pouts seem very dramatic. I raised an eyebrow ather.

“A nickname, huh? Areyou sure it’s not your age-” another pout, “Alright then, Four, it’snice to meet you,” I threw a wink at her before turning my back to her,where she couldn’t see my face turn maroon and horror being painted across it.Where did that confidence come from, Saeran?! What is wrong with you? I couldn’thelp but wonder if she was blushing too. With a shake of my head to clear mythoughts, I started to lead her over to the foxgloves instead.

“Um, so..Saeran,” she mumbled, “You seem to know a lot about these flowers.How do these specific ones say 'fuck you’ to someone?” I chuckled- this isone of my favourite parts.

“Ah, each flower hasa different meaning!” I saw in the corner of my eye that she started towalk by my side. Her hair seemed to bounce with each step- the sun keptcatching both her eyes and her hair- both shining with different breathtakingshades of blue. Damn, they really were breathtaking- I forgot to finishanswering her question. Swallowing the newfound lump in my throat, I turn thecorner and finish. “Like the geraniums- they mean 'stupidity’. And thesefoxgloves,” gesturing to the bell-shaped, cream coloured flowers,“mean 'insincerity’. So we’ll just get a few other ones to, as you said,passive-aggressively say 'fuck you’ to your ex boyfriend!” I went aheadand picked a few stalks, handing them over to her to carry. She seemed to getreally interested in her surroundings all of a sudden- pointing to differentflowers and asking me their meanings.

“Wow, you really doknow all of their meanings,” she said as I stood up, throwing her an unblinkingstare.

“Did you think I wasbluffing?” she shook her head and smiled at me.

“No no, I justthought maybe you were making them up as you went, but you seem prettyconfident that they’re right,” she giggled at the unamused look I threw ather, “Okay! To be fair! There are a lot of them, I could never rememberthem all!”

“So you thought Imade them up?! That’s a little rude,” I said, jokingly.

“And you’re a littleshort!” her giggle grew uncontrollable at her own joke and I whipped myhead to furrow my eyebrows together and sneered.

“Okay, now THAT wasrude,” I shook my head and muttered a soft, but playful 'bitch’ under mybreath- her giggles started to get higher in pitch once she heard me, she triedto wave the laughter away so she could breathe. I rolled my eyes and turnedaway so I could hide my amusement from her.

We moved from thefoxgloves to the meadowsweets- her nose scrunched at the bunch of purplepetals.

“That just looks likecrumpled up petals glued together,” turning her head and squinting at theplant- it looked as if she was trying to imagine what shape it may have beenbefore.

“Hey, don’t judgethem by how they look. They’re still beautiful- and they mean 'uselessness’,which I figured you would appreciate.”

“I do appreciatetheir meaning, god that’s so accurate. But they still look weird,” shesaid with a coy smile. I scoffed to hide my laugh and side-eyed her.

“You look weird too,but I didn’t judge you by your looks,” why the hell did I say that? I turnmy attention back to the flowers in front of me, hiding my blush behind thebushy petals and bunches of the previous flowers.

“Hey! I don’t lookweird!” I could hear the pout in her voice. “Okay.. I may look alittle weird. And… intimidating, but that’s not the same!” I stood upand handed her the bundle of flowers in my hands, giving her a cheeky grin andan eyebrow raise.

“Yeah, whatever yousay. I don’t think you’re that intimidating.”

“That’s because youhaven’t seen my sick-ass ninja moves- HYA!” she cried, kicking high in theair as she started to topple over. I caught a hold of her wrist and got herbalanced, unable to hold back my laughter. I don’t think I remember the lasttime I laughed this hard.

“Wow, what greatninja moves,” I said still a little breathless, “I take it back. I ama little intimidated by you.” Her smile radiated pride as I kept hold ofher wrist, leading her to the yellow carnations. I let go at the very lastmoment, immediately missing the warmth of her skin in my hand- the stem of theflowers feeling colder than usual. I gave the yellow petals an absent look- Icould feel her crouch down next to me again, her presence surprisingly calming.“So… you said it was a long story- y-your ex-boyfriend. I’ve got thetime if you want to rant about it.” I heard a soft sigh pass her lipsbefore I turned to give her my full attention. My heart almost broke intopieces when I saw how sad her face had become- how dark and stormy her eyes hadturned.

“He.. well he washorrible. I didn’t see the signs beforehand when I should have- he was alwayschecking up on me and would get extremely upset when I didn’t answer him foreven 20 minutes because I was hanging out with a friend of mine. Very long storyshort- he told me his friend said he should break up with me. His FRIEND. Hecouldn’t even talk to me about it,” she seemed to bite the inside of hercheek- she also seemed to dig her fingernails into the palm of her hand. Myeyebrows drew together as my head tilted- why would anyone want to break upwith her? My questioning stare must have said it all since he decided tocontinue her explanation. “He broke up with me because he 'wasn’t attractedto my body’ and he’d 'stay if I would work on losing weight’, apparently. Nowhe’s invited me to this dinner with him and his mum, and told me last minutehis new girlfriend would be there- the previous friend he told me about.” Sheplaced the flowers on the floor to hug her knees, her cheek laying on top ofthem. The completely dejected look on her face completely pissed me off.

“Who the hell doesthis guy think he is? First of all, he has no say in your body, no control overwhat you do, and worst of all, he must be completely fucking blind becauseyou’re gorgeous,” I knew my face was growing hot but I was angry. Thisgirl didn’t deserve to go through something like this- and that dude definitelydidn’t deserve her. “I haven’t known you very long, but I can read youenough to know that this guy obviously doesn’t deserve you. Maybe he was upsetyou had better kung-fu moves than him,” her eyes shined as the sun hitthem, a faint smile gracing her lips once again- a soft laugh bubbling out.

“Maybe. I don’t thinkI helped my case when I picked him up over my shoulder when he got mad oneday,” I couldn’t help but laugh at the idea of this girl just tossing agrown man over her shoulder- but it felt good to see her bright smile return toher face. I thought for a moment before handing her the bunch of flowers,pulling her by the hand back to her feet.

“Hey, I’ve got theperfect flower to finish this bouquet off,” I used every ounce of myconfidence to place a hand on her lower back to lead her towards the orangelilies. She didn’t seem to mind, in fact, I thought I saw a faint blush acrossher face- then again, I couldn’t see clearly due to my own embarrassment. Asoft gasp escaped her when she saw the flowers, immediately leaving me and myhand behind to run up and crouch down in front of them.

“These are beautiful!Oh, they’re great! What do they mean?” she asked, looking up at me withchild-like curiosity. Handing her the scissors and taking the flowers inexchange, I gave her half of a smile.

“Hatred.”

“Oh… fitting!”she seemed so excited to add these to the bouquet and that was a relief- I wasworried she would think it was too harsh, I didn’t want to step over a line.Why didn’t I want to cross that line? What does it matter? I was zoning outuntil she lightly nudged me, asking, “Is this enough?”

“A-ah. Yeah, that’sgood. Hey, you aren’t so bad at this,” she actually picked really niceones that fit size-wise and a variety of lengths- not that I was surprised, shehad been watching me do that for quite a while. I helped her back up to herfeet and started to take her back to the front of the greenhouse, alreadystarting to feel lonely once again at the thought that she would be leavingsoon- but at least I can spend some more time with her as I wrap the flowers,right? Walking to the counter, she points out which ribbon she’d like and jumpsup to sit next to my work station.

“Hey, Saeran? Yousaid these flowers were like your babies, yeah? Why do you like them somuch?” she tilted her head to the side, her hair dangling away from herface and her feet swinging in unison. I bit my lip before thinking about myanswer- should I lie? Should I tell her the truth?

“I didn’t grow up inthe best conditions,” oh god, I’m going to tell her the truth. Why am Idoing that? “I-it’s a long story. But there was a garden where I was, andI got to plant and raise all of the flowers I wanted. They were the only oneswho would listen to me, without judgment. The only ones who I could trust, andconsider my friends. They’re beautiful and soft, with such deepermeanings,” I turned to glance at her- she had a raw, genuine emotionpainted on her face. “Look, I don’t like pity, so if you’re going to thenjust-”

“No no,” she cutme off, “I wasn’t thinking that. I was thinking that it’s actuallybeautiful to think that way. I’m glad you can find yourself happy amongst yourcolourful friends,” she closed her eyes and gave me a soft smile. A smilethat I wouldn’t hesitate to drop everything to see again. “I don’t knowwhat you’ve gone through, Saeran, but…” she opened her eyes, her starepiercing straight through my own, let alone my heart, “You kind of remindme of some flowers. You’ve got a few thorns, and some of your petals may not beperfect, but you’re colourful, beautiful, and full of a deeper meaning.”

I thought my heart hadjumped out of my chest.

I’ve never felt like thisbefore- I’ve never heard such sweet words from a person, let alone a stranger.What.. what was this? My face started to grow hot and I was shaking, but mybody started to move on its own. My hand found its way to her cheek, my lipsjust barely grazing her other one. It was only a moment that I was close to herface, but it felt like forever. Being this close, I could see every gleam inher eyes. I could feel her breath on my skin. I could count every freckledusting across her cheeks and nose like stars. I didn’t want to move away, butI knew that I had to- I couldn’t look her in the eyes anymore. My heart wasracing and I could feel my legs trying to give out when I pushed myself away,busying myself with tying her flowers together.

“Thank you..” myvoice came out soft, I could feel her gaze on me, but it was comforting.“I’ve.. never been talked about that way before. It’s.. nice to hearsomething positive about myself instead people focusing on the negative andassume they know me.”

“Now that’s justsad,” she said with a hint of playfulness in her voice. She was trying toease my embarrassment, and I appreciated it tremendously. I let out a smalllaugh, finishing her bouquet and handing it over. The minute the flowers leftmy hand, I was struck with agonizing loneliness. I knew she was still sittingright there, but now she had no reason to stay. All I could do was hope she’dcome back some time- I could ask her on a date- no no, can’t do that. I usedall my confidence to kiss her cheek, shit. She was going to leave and I wasgoing to be here all alone again. I watched silently as she jumped down fromthe counter, walking around to the other side and flashing me a bright smilethat I struggled to return with my own faint one.

“Well, I guess Ishould get going, gotta make that dinner. Maybe it’ll end with me smacking himwith some of my ninja moves!” her light giggle was like music to my ears,please don’t leave. “It was really nice to meet you, Saeran! Thank you somuch for your help, I had a great day. And uh, thank you… for making me feelbetter. It means a lot,” another bright smile. She’s trying to kill me.

After placing more moneyon top of her initial $20, she turned on her heel and started to walk out. Itfelt like my heart was on a leash and she was dragging it right out of the doorwith her. I couldn’t move- I just stood there behind the counter, looking downat my feet. Were those tears? They started out slow, picking up their pace likea faucet has been turned on. I didn’t even hear the bell above the door jingleagain, or the sounds of clunky boots running back up towards me. I felt softhands on my cheeks, brushing tears away by their thumbs. Before I could react,soft lips met my own for a moment before the warmth of her hands slid down tomy own and she pulled away. I came face to face with the sky and I couldn’tlook away. She gave a goofy half smile and tucked her bangs behind her earbefore turning to walk back out again, a slight bounce in her step.

In my hand was a crumpledup slip of paper with a string of numbers, the word 'Fuckface’ and a hastilydrawn doodle of not only herself winking, but of me blushing as well.

I couldn’t type thenumbers into my phone fast enough.

[rich-ditch14]

Stereo Hearts

This was super long because it’s a long song, but here it is! Sorry for the wait @s-s-s-stutteringbill ... hope it is what you wanted!

(For anyone else, send in a request and I can write anything that is consensual)

My heart's a stereo, It beats for you, so listen close, hear my thoughts in every note Eddie wouldn't admit it, but every time Richie opened his loud mouth, he'd stare with doe eyes wishing Richie would stop being so loud and annoying and notice that Eddie liked him. He wanted Richie to hear his thoughts and feelings. He wanted Richie to listen to him as well as he listened to his favorite songs.

Make me your radio and turn me up when you feel low, this melody was meant for you just sing along to my stereo Bill and Stan brought this to Eddie’s attention when they were past the point of annoyed because “Richie is only being this loud and obnoxious to get your attention dumbass”.

Richie was especially over the top when Eddie was down, wanting to cheer him up. It worked usually worked as Eddie forced himself to laugh as they both just rolled with it until Eddie’s laughter was genuine.

Richie wanted Eddie to know that he’d always be there for him.

If I was just another dusty record on the shelf would you blow me off and play me like everybody else? Richie didn't admit that he liked Eddie because, if he was honest, he was out of Eddie’s league. He was a walking chemical, always filled with cigarette smoke and alcohol, Eddie, on the other hand, was a straight-A student with colleges practically begging him to come to their campus. He was satisfied with being friends.

If I asked you to scratch my back, could you manage that? The two were riding home on their bikes when Richie’s bike broke. While Richie was fixing the chain on his bike, Eddie decided this was a good time to confess. Richie couldn’t exactly ride away.

“Richie,” Eddie started, biting his nails to keep his hands from shaking.

“Yeah Eds?” Richie looked over his shoulder from his bike he was fixing.

“I told you, don't call me that,” Eddie lost his train of thought.

“Okay.” Richie’s attention went back to.. a stone on his ground.The bike he was working on was momentarily forgotten.

“Richie,” Eddie sighed exasperated, “Richie I need to tell you something”

“Yeah? Did you finally use those birth controls on my sister? Sorry. That's not funny.”

“That's not funny,” Eddie repeated before taking a deep breath in,  “I need to tell you something, and I need your 100% attention.”

Furthermore, I apologize for any skipping tracks, It's just the last girl that played me left a couple cracks

At first, Eddie didn't know if Richie even liked guys or was even looking for a relationship, he was with a girl for a couple months, but she left him leaving him heartbroken and swearing that he'd never be in a relationship again, but then Bill and Ben told Eddie that Richie was apparently bi.

'Cause holding grudges over love is ancient artifacts “Do you like me?” Eddie asked, not the question he meant to ask.

“Um… Yeah?” Richie raised his eyebrows.

“Cause I like you. Like, I really like you.”

“Like a crush you mean,” Richie stated the situation bluntly. He pulled out a cigarette, identifying himself as nervous at the moment.

If I could only find a note to make you understand, I'd sing it softly in your ear and grab you by the hand “I don’t know how to say it anyway else, but I like you. A lot. I wish you could see my brain cause I go fucking insane thinking about you!” Eddie confessed, unable to find the right words to tell Richie, who looked more confused than anything.

“A lot of people go fucking insane thinking about me,” Richie made a sarcastic reply basing off of people telling him that his talking made them want to kill themselves.

“You know what I mean!” Eddie curled his fingers resisting the urge to throw a punch, deciding it was a bad idea to tell Richie.

Just keep it stuck inside your head, like your favorite tune Richie listened silently as Eddie spilled his feelings onto the dirt road, the words scattering to the ground and Richie picked up each word, treasuring them in his mind and locking up the key. It was too good to be true.

And know my heart's a stereo that only plays for you Richie could say his life was a broken stereo, only playing certain lyrics smoothly for a couple minutes, but with Eddie, somehow that love mended most of the cracks. Richie’s life got better when he was around Eddie. Each kiss, touch, and reassuring word slowly healed the scars the years gave him.

If I was an old-school fifty-pound boombox, would you hold me on your shoulder wherever you walk Richie knew Eddie always had his back and vice versa. They both had their fair share of beatings from bullies because of standing up for each other.

Dating Richie did come with negative baggage, but Eddie was strong enough to carry it with Richie. Richie was known as a fuckboy, a thief, and drunk. He was clearly bad news for everyone, but none of those were true and Eddie would defend Richie, even more now than when they were friends. The other boys would stand up for them as well.

Would you turn my volume up in front of the cops (turn it up) When Eddie and Richie became a couple, people bitched at Eddie, telling him that he could do better, even if they didn't believe in the gays.

They warned that Richie was just using him to fuck and then dump. Like they knew anything about the Trash Mouth Tozier. Richie would slink back, hating that he was bringing bad lighting on Eddie’s life. His own dark life seeping into Eddie’s, but Eddie would always defend himself, proud as ever.

And crank it higher every time they told you to stop “Stop dating that freak!” People would say.

Instead, Eddie grabbed Richie's hand, curling his fingers around Richie, swinging their arms as they walked down the school halls, both of their eyes daring people to come at them. Richie could see now, maybe his dark reputation shadowed Eddie’s, but Eddie’s bright soul brightened his as well.

And all I ask is that you don't get mad at me when you have to purchase mad D batteries Richie attempted to stop smoking and drinking due to Eddie’s request. He was scared that he'd relapse and Eddie would hate him for it and break up. His last relationship burned because of his problems. When he did relapse, he worried himself to tears and confessed to Eddie, only to be hugged and comforted.

“Relapsing is normal. I'm just glad you told me, it's a step in the right direction.”

Appreciate every mixtape your friends make Even though the school hated them, their three friends stood by them as strong as they stood beside them when defeating the clown. Richie still felt bad, and Eddie could feel his boyfriend slipping, afraid and ashamed he was making Eddie look bad and that Eddie would leave him. Fuck appearances, Eddie thought.

I think I finally found a note to make you understand, If you can hit it, sing along and take me by the hand “Richie Tozier,” Eddie stormed up to Richie one day at school in front of everybody, making a scene. Good, he wanted that. Richie turned around from talking to Bill and Eddie took him by the cheeks and kissed him in front of everybody.

“Yep! This motherfucker’s my boyfriend so if you have a problem with it, you can go fuck yourselves!” Eddie shouted.

“Fuck, I love you,” Richie grinned, any traces of doubt leaving his mind as he took Eddie by the hand, kissing Eddie again just for good measure.

Just keep me stuck inside your head, like your favorite tune Richie’s mind ran faster than his mouth, so a complex, thorough thought was near to impossible, but Eddie somehow grounded him. Which is why he could heal properly. Eddie was his new, healthier drug. And that kiss, that was deadly but beautiful. He couldn’t stop grinning the whole day,

You know my heart's a stereo that only plays for you Neither boy felt feelings so strong as they felt for each other. They dug their hearts out and gave them to each other, their feelings at the mercy of the other. Together though, it made them stronger.

I only pray you'll never leave me behind (never leave me) Because good music can be so hard to find (so hard to find) Richie knew he wouldn't go to college, he was barely scraping by in high school. Eddie now, he was an A student, able to go to any college he wanted to within financial realism. He begged Eddie not to leave him. Well, leave as in dump, he wanted Eddie to go to college and they could do a long distance thing or Richie would just move up and live in the general area. They would do long distance.

I take your hand and hold it closer to mine, thought love was dead, but now you're changing my mind They were falling asleep together in Eddie’s bed, curled up together for warmth, making out innocently, engulfed in each other’s lips. Richie marking Eddie's collarbones carefully as Eddie ran his fingers through Richie’s hair, which was now curly.

“And who said romance is dead” Eddie joked silently.

“I didn't. I said love is.” Richie started, pausing and waiting till Eddie opened his eyes to grin.

“I mean, right now you're changing my mind”.

[sandcvstles]

【 𝑡𝑎𝑔 𝑚𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡 ! 】

*✧·˚. –  so i hit 400 followers, & i just want to make this to celebrate ! this is just one gigantic tag masterlist, separated by categories ! there will be otp, family/brotp, vanity & misc tags. under the cut, you’ll find them all. i might make a second part to this if i feel like it, but for now: here we are ! they are lyrics from a variety of songs. — please reblog/like if you found this helpful !

ᴏᴛᴘ:

i’ve been thinking about you

you got me going crazy

fuck your white horse and your carriage

you needed me

how deep is your love ?

the place to lose your fears

treasure that is what you are

i’ve got you in my space

i’d like to be everything you want

you hit me with lightning !

you’re out of line

do things when you want me to

i got fake people showing fake love to me

tryna fix your inner issues with a bad bitch

good on the love for a faded fuck

like dreaming of angels

i think about you all the time

you see it in my dreams

take it easy on my heart

the times we had

your touch got me looking so crazy right now

i’ve been thinking about forever

all that matters to me

i don’t wanna be living in vain

please have mercy on me

i see quiet nights poured over ice & tanqueray

everything is shattering & it’s my mistake

only fools fall for you

you are surrounding all my surroundings

twisting the kaleidoscope behind both of my eyes

i don’t keep love around

you’re driving me wild

his hands so cold they shake

those thoughts of past lovers

we will stumble through heaven

i keep a close watch on this heart of mine

beacause you’re mine; i walk the line

all i need is you

send my love to your new lover

you still think about the times we had

would you believe me if i said i was in love

ғᴀᴍɪʟʏ / ʙʀᴏᴛᴘ:

i couldn’t wait to get you off my chest

i think i’d die for you

the kids aren’t alright

you tell me that i’m alright

we’ll kick it when i hit the ground

your bridges are burning

they look up to me

somebody to lean on

would you lie with me ?

you’re never there for me

no matter how dark it is i know i’m not alone

friends can break your heart too

you don’t own me

skinny dipping in rabbit holes for fun

will you remember me in the same way ?

so what if i’m crazy ? all the best people are

it’s probably the reason we get along

the craziest friend you’ve ever had

we built this house on memories

i’m best friends with my doubt

wish we could turn back time to the good ole days

we don’t talk anymore like we used to do

lean on me when you’re not strong

i just need to be at home

fuck fake friends

nobody messing with my motherfucking clique

we’ve come a long way from where we began

how can we not talk about family when family’s all that we got?

everything i went through you were standing by my side

i’ll tell you all about it when i see you again

‘cause you feel like home

this reminds me of when we were young

let me photograph you in this light

we were scared of getting old

i’m sorry brother / forgive me father / i love you mother

it’s crazy what you’d do for a friend

i’d run away & hide with you

i’m in paradise with dad

i was broken from a young age

i’m tired of the way things have been

ᴠᴀɴɪᴛʏ

watch you waste away

i don’t need dollar bills to have fun tonight

i love cheap thrills

i feel like i’m always dreaming

destiny is calling me

just forget the world

gonna shine bright under the starry sky

i want this world in my hands

what i create is chaos

the blood on my hands scares me to death

for all the times i never could

 a daydream spills over from my corked head

left a nod over sleeping waves

crybaby; crybaby

i asked forgiveness three times; same amount that i denied

i’m a pro at imperfections

it’s our hearts that make a beat

it’s just the sun in your eyes

i know you want to go to heaven but you’re human tonight

i keep my eyes wide open all the time

do you feel like a young god?

think i got myself in trouble

we’ll never be worlds apart

i wanna be a billionaire

i could really use a wish right now

i wanna swing from the chandelier

i don’t really care what people say

oops ! i did it again

solo ride until i die ‘cause i got me for life

i don’t need a hand to hold

i got that fire in my soul

this hunger is driving me

everybody here is watching you

i was so scared to face my fears

the hearts i have touched will be the proof i leave

i wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time

i wanna say i lived each day until i died

i’m scared to get close & i hate being alone

i can’t drown my demons

the higher i get; the lower i’ll sink

you deserve what you’ve been missing

ᴍɪsᴄ:

all i want is a hole in the ground

hard times gonna make you wonder why you even try

i still don’t know how i even survived

i gotta get to rock bottom !

hard to find life in something that’s already died

i’ve been down so long it look like up to me

whole time they wanna take my place

didn’t they tell you i was a savage ?

buried yourself alive & expect it to be fine 

choking on your own dirt 

you’re digging your own grave 

had some fun on the run

just the price i pay

getting high off helium

night falls with gravity

the earth turns from sanity

a salutation & a farewell

i don’t have much time

i know i won’t die scared of dying

build your home brick by boring brick

the wolf’s gonna blow it down

that make pandora’s box’s contents look non violent

it’s much better to face these kinds of things

with a sense of poise & rationality

when i leave this world; i leave no regrets

everything that i wanted & it was more than i thought it would be

i will leave my mark so everyone will know i was here

i meant something in somebody’s life

can you hear the silence ?

can you fix the broken ?

i know it’s dire my time today

can you help the hopeless ?

i long for that feeling to not feel at all

you could call this my funeral

might go to hell & there ain’t no stopping

might be a sinner & i might be a saint

if i really want to i can change it

i was naive & hopeful & lost

don’t wanna leave this place without a doubt

when will your kingdom come

now i just sit in silence

sometimes quiet is violent

[pixel-glow-blog]

Favoritism, emotional abuse, and bitterness.

So this is going to be kind of a long, personal post. But suffice to say, I’m interested if anyone has had a similar experience to mine, or feels sort of the same emotional turmoil that I do? I just really want to know I’m not alone. 

Right now, I’m feeling kind of bitter, and sad, and unhappy. You know, that feeling where your chest tightens up when you see some injustice or unfairness, and there’s nothing you can do, so you just sit there feeling both frustrated and powerless? And it all started with one thing. My parents happily told me that my stepsister, who is 5 years younger than me, just got a letter from Yale inviting her to tour the college because they’re impressed with her SAT records. 

Now I’m sure we all know that twinge of envy when someone much younger than you ends up being more successful, but this goes much deeper than that. You see, she was always the favorite. She was my stepdad’s real daughter, and thus he cared about her more than he did about me. And honestly, that part never bothered me too much. At least, it didn’t for the first few years our parents were together. 

Now, I’m going back to some kind of triggering memories right now, so I’m sorry if my writing seems a little jumbled or disorganized, but I really want to get this out, so I’m going to try anyway. 

The trouble started when I was about 12. That was when my mental illnesses starting showing through, and since I was under a lot of stress, I was acting ‘more autistic’ (even though I was undiagnosed at the time). That was about when the abuse started. Now, I hesitate to call what I went through abuse, because my parents never physically assaulted me. There was no real “evidence”, per se, that anything was wrong. But because of the deep psychological scars it left, I’m going to call it abuse. Basically, from the time I was 12, till I was about 16, I was emotionally abused and neglected by my parents. I almost have the urge to say “Well, other people have it worse, so you can’t claim it was abuse.” That’s what people always told me when I confided in  them, anyway. But I know plenty of other people have been through the same thing, and I wouldn’t ever minimize their suffering, so I won’t do it to mine.

So basically how this all started, was my mom just out of the blue took away my antidepressants, took me out of therapy, and just basically ignored the fact that I had depression for almost a year. I say this is when it started, because I had only just started treatment a few months ago. I had gotten my diagnosis of depression when I was just miserable and numb all the time, I had meltdowns often, and I wanted to die at 11 years old. I’m saying all of this so you understand that after I had no treatment, I went back to being depressed.

Most of the abuse I went through, was specifically related to, or because of, my mental illnesses and my autism. I’m not going to go too into detail about my abuse (that’s for another post, if I ever get around to making it), but I’ll give you the basics: I was yelled at or punished for showing pretty much any signs of autism (having a meltdown, expressing sensory sensitivities, trying to avoid overload, or not getting facial expressions), showing any symptoms of depression (being yelled at or punished for not being able to get out of bed, not being able to do my chores, being slow at understanding things or responding, self harming (the only one that’s really understandable), or expressing that I was unhappy at all. I just want to make it clear that most of the things I was abused for were not things I could control. Now I was a teenager, and there were times that I actually got into trouble for legitimate reasons. But most of the time, I was punished for things I didn’t understand and couldn’t control.

The neglect showed through in other ways. Like most families, we were pretty tight on money, but I call it neglect because I was never considered a priority. For example, being autistic, I can only tolerate certain foods, (and my list of foods I could eat was even shorter back then). About 80% of the time, my parents would go out of their way to NOT bring back anything I could eat. The only way they got food for me, was if I agreed to go grocery shopping with them (which was sensory hell) and basically begged them throughout the store to get at least 1 or 2 things for me. It was bad enough to the point where I would only eat maybe 2 or 3 meals a week, and even then they were usually things that had me gagging or crying because I hated them so much (on the inside of course. I would be punished if I dared to gag or cry in front of people). When I needed things, like clothes or school supplies, I rarely got them. I was stuck in a catch 22 where if I only told my parents about it once, they would often forget I had asked. But if I asked them more than once, I was yelled at for “nagging” them. I remember one instance in particular where I needed clothes for school, because almost everything I owned I had either outgrown or had holes in it. I was told we didn’t have the money for it. LATER THAT SAME WEEK, my dad buys a membership to Farrel’s (you know, that workout place) that costs $300 dollars. I’ll never forget the feeling of absolute betrayal. The knowledge that even after bills, even after food, even after all the necessities, when I specifically put in a request, my actual needs were considered less important than his vanity. He lost 15 pounds. I’ll remember that till the day I die, and I hate it.

Now, to describe how he treated his daughter. She was his princess. I used to (and still do, sometimes) call her “Her Highness”, because that’s how he treated her. If she wanted anything, anything, she got it. She needed 1 pair of shoes? He’d buy her two. She lost her coat he bought her a week ago? He’d buy her another one, just as expensive as the last. He bought her as many school supplies as she could need, every year. I remember 1 year he bought her 3 separate pairs of glasses. Because she kept losing them. If she was coming over that weekend, the house had to be spotless. Instead of eating the cheap food WE were stuck with, we always had either fresh ingredients, or we’d eat out. It got to the point when I could reliably count on eating like a normal person on the weekends she’d come over, because he would never in his wildest dreams think of forcing her to eat the same stuff I did. She got piano lessons, violin lessons, tae kwon do lessons, she went to an expensive summer camp nearly every summer, and she always went. Even if that meant pulling money from what was supposed to go towards our bills, she always got what she wanted. Fancy dresses, new books, all the supplies she could need for her hobbies.

And the emotional treatment was even more of a gap. If I brought home a report card with all A’s and one D, all my parents would do is berate me for the one bad grade, and threaten me that it had better be higher next time. If she brought home a report card with all A’s and one D, she got $20 for every A. I’m not even exaggerating, that LITERALLY happened. I was called basically every name in the book “Lazy, stupid, ungrateful, not trying, condescending, a fucking bitch, crazy, a bad person, faking, a burden, impossible.” When I asked for help with my depression, I was told that it was all in my head, that I was making it seem worse than it was, that I could get over it anytime I wanted. When I talked about things I was struggling with in school, I was told that it was obvious, that I was stupid for not getting it, that I just wasn’t trying hard enough. When I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do in life, I was told “You’ll never be able to do that. We can’t afford to send you to college. Scholarships won’t help you. You won’t be able to make it through.” I was basically told that I was inherently a bad person. That I would never be able to achieve anything because I was bad. And even if I tried my hardest, I would never be able to be any better than I was. And when I did succeed? When I got good grades, when I was able to fight through my depression to do my chores, when I actually did something I felt proud of? Silence. Well, most of the time. Sometimes I got criticized for it not being good enough, “You can do better. You didn’t even try!” Eventually, I pretty much gave up trying to impress them, or earn their love and respect, because I knew it was never going to happen. I gave up a lot of my dreams, because either they didn’t approve, or they convinced me I wouldn’t be any good at it anyway.

Which brings me back to my stepsister. You see, we both had basically the same grades in school, before I dropped out. We were both really smart, we both were the highest in our respective classes. Intellectually, we were both equal. We both had the same potential. But she had more resources than I did. She was encouraged and praised and accepted. She had everything she needed to be at her best, and everything she wanted to keep her happy and focused. She never had to go through the abuse I did, the kind that beats you down every day until you feel like you’re a worthless speck of nothing. She didn’t have two parents who picked apart and exaggerated every flaw or mistake until she felt like she would never be able to do anything. She never had to go to school with the kind of hunger that only comes from not having eaten for several days. She didn’t go to school wearing clothes that had holes in them causing her to get made fun of by all her peers. 

Look, I get that life isn’t an even playing field. I have a developmental disability, and she doesn’t. I have several mental illnesses, and she doesn’t. Our lives would never have been perfectly equal. But much of her success is directly tied to my lack of it. So many of the things she got, she didn’t just get, she got them because they were directly taken away from me. They money that should have gone towards food for me went to violin lessons for her. The money the should have gone to clothes for me, went to expensive clothes (that she didn’t need) for her. The money that could have been used so I could practice my art, which I’ve always wanted to do, went to horseback riding lessons for her.

So much of the success she’s had in life is directly tied to everything I didn’t get. And it hurts. There’s the pain of realizing something’s been taken from you, something you can’t ever get back. There’s the guilt that comes from realizing you should be able to be happy for your little sister’s success, and instead you’re a bitter mess. And there’s the injustice of having it not be your fault. If I had spent my teen years drinking and partying, and I had thrown away my own future, I would be fine. I would write that one off under “oops” and move on. But I can’t. The future I could have had was stolen by parents who didn’t care about me, and basically did everything they could to make me feel like garbage. And there’s the frustration of not being able to talk about it. I can’t tell her I’m not happy for her because my parents screwed me over to make sure she succeeded because then SHE’D be guilty, and I don’t want to put her through that. My parent’s have made a commitment to doing better, and I’d no longer classify them as abusive, but I’m not allowed to bring up anything they did. Anytime I try it’s “Why are you bringing up the past?” “It’s different now.” “Just let it go.” They’re willing to treat me better, as long as I don’t get any closure. 

It’s just not fair. It’s not fair how two people who you trust and rely on can just decide to ruin your mental health, and leave you with psychological scars that will last a lifetime. And then they get to move on while you’re stuck holding the bill. I’m still dealing with the consequences of those 4-5 years, and they get to just pretend they never happened. 

And now I’m the terrible person who hears their little sister got an invitation to Yale, who’s dreams are starting to come true, and can only think “Fuck you.”