#like being touch starved and watching someone give the most amazing hugs and suddenly realizing that you want that but it’s
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ambrosiagourmet · 5 months ago
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The ideal Laios/Kabru for me is extremely slow burn and takes the form specifically of Kabru deeply, deeply longing to be known and understood Laios. He doesn’t even know it’s attraction at first there’s just this ache in his gut to have his flaws seen and accepted. To be messy but safe. He’s too deep into yearning to be smart about it but it’s too quiet and complex to be an overwhelming force it’s just this voice in the back of his head that’s says “I want. I want. I want.”
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a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual · 2 years ago
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More ROTTMNT headcanons:
So it’s evident that Donnie doesn’t like to be touched unless he initiates it (with some exceptions like when Mikey and April hug him or when Leo leans on him) 
But when Donnie is sleep deprived he’s a clingy little shit 
God forbid you get within 5 feet of him because he will launch himself at you and latch on 
Now this isn’t a problem for Raph and Leo they’re both taller than him and can lift him with relative ease
Splinter, Mikey, and April on the other hand…. not so much
Don't get me wrong they’re all buff as fuck but their height kind of bites them in the ass
Do y’all remember that scene in Lilo and Stitch when Nani is putting her entire body weight on Lilo 
Think that but 10x’s worse because even though Donnie is built like cilantro his tech is heavy as hell
And he will force you to carry that weight by yourself 
It’s not uncommon for the boys to hear “if someone doesn’t get this twig bug off me in 5 seconds I’m gonna get my bat” coming from the living room
And because Leo is an amazing brother (and not touch starved at all) he will give Donnie piggyback rides around the house when he’s tired
Leo can stay awake without help for a stupid amount of time 
Like I’m talking actual days in a row
Donnie wants to be jealous but then he remembers that Leo tends to pass out around the house
One second he’s energetic and bouncing off the walls and the next he’s passed out on the floor
The first time this happened Splinter almost had a heart attack 
After that, they started putting mats and bean bags around the house 
And he’s usually able to make it…. Usually 
Donnie had a folder saved on his laptop and it’s just a compilation of Leo faceplanting
Leo and Donnie came up with all of the nicknames in the show
They were like 5 years old when they decided that saying everyone's full name was a pain in the ass 
So they spent like half an hour coming up with new and exciting nicknames 
But there are some nicknames that the others can’t use 
Nardo and Tello are theirs and theirs alone 
The singular time someone else tried to use those nicknames the twins looked at them funny for a solid minute
No one used them again after that
Leo used to call Donnie “Donbon” but once April showed up he stopped
He didn’t want to but Donnie used to get embarrassed when the nickname was used 
The only time he uses it is when he’s really tired or really sad 
Sometimes Donnie will get stuck in the zone and he won't come out of his lab for anything 
And when those times hit all Leo has to do is walk over to him and go “Donbon the guys are starting to get worried”
And Donnie will sigh and complain that Leo is interrupting his very important work but he’ll still leave the lab and socialize like a normal person 
When Mikey was really little he couldn't pronounce his brother's names so he called him “Lee” “Dee” and “Rrrrrrr” (he would just roll his r’s to call Raph over)
And he will still occasionally use those nicknames especially if he wants to make the group laugh 
He gave April her very own “Mikey approved nickname” 
“Aaaaa” he usually says it in a very quiet and monotone voice and it never fails to make April giggle
For a solid three years of their friendship, April thought Raphs name was Ralph and no one corrected her 
It wasn’t until Splinter got mad and called them all by their full names that April realized her mistake 
And she’s still embarrassed to this day
Sometimes Leo’s ADHD makes him very irritable 
The little things like his phone charger breaking and the tag on his pajamas being itchy will just stack up 
And next thing you know he’s in a really bad mood
Most of the time he tries to hide it but his siblings are always able to tell a difference 
And then they ask a million questions which just makes his mood worse 
And then he snaps and suddenly no one is happy
Leo feels guilty that he snapped at them and they feel guilty for overwhelming him
But no matter what the day always ends with them all in the living room in a big cuddle pile watching their favorite Jupiter Jim movies
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burnedbyshoto · 5 years ago
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Todoroki Shouto - Alphabet HC’s
a/n: I went too crazy with this... it ended up being like 7.4k words of pure headcanons. I really love shouto what can I say, I hope you enjoy!!!!!
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A = Affection (How affectionate are they with an s/o?)
Todoroki Shouto is not an affectionate boyfriend at first. It’s not that he’s timid or even shy about giving you physical affection it’s just that one, he doesn’t know what couples do together, and two, his parents never showed PDA and Natsuo never has his girlfriend over so he’s clueless.
It takes a joint effort between you and him to figure out where and how comfortable he would be with affection
So, when all the loose ends are tied up how affectionate is shouto?
The answer is very.
He’s a soft boy. He loves holding your hand, kissing the back of your hand before you split ways, gentle kisses on your cheeks, nose, and lips. He loves tucking your hair behind your ear even if there’s nothing wrong with it. And on god, hug this boy. Hugs always make shouto go stiff, but once he sees that hugging is something that makes him fill full, his arms will wrap around your waist, his head burying into your neck as his chest palpitations quicken as he struggles to calm his breathing.
B = Breath (What could their s/o do to take their breath away?)
Late night shenanigans with shouto are the best. The first time you take his breath away happens here. The two of you decided to stay in tonight instead of going out, take out boxes no longer filled with food sitting on the table as you’re curled onto his side. His arm is over you as his fingers rub unknown shapes into your side. You turn towards him, no longer focused onto the show you’re watching and he looks down at you. You lick your lips as thoughts form in your mind and easily escape your mouth, “I’m glad I met you, shouto. I don’t think I could be who I am today without you.”
Praises take his breath away
But the one thing that really gets him is when you pull away suddenly from a rather intensive makeout session. You’re straddling his lap and your arms are around his neck, shouto’s arms are around your waist as he groans softly trying to move back in but you stop him. His eyes stare at you as he notices you’re transfixed onto his scar. His scar has never really bothered him before, sure if he could get rid of it he would, but he sees you leaning in again as your lips press softly against the scarred skin. Your wet and bruised lips press against the forever warm skin, the ugly skin on his face. Sweet nothings and loving promises pour from your mouth as you tell him that you love everything about him, that every flaw is just a new reason to love him. It’s not until afterward that shouto realizes that he hasn’t been breathing and it’s because you shout that he’s turning different colors.
C = Cuddling (Do they cuddle? If they do, how and when do they cuddle?)
Ahem. ahem. Shouto fucking cuddles you every single night. He’s a touch starved boy and once he has you in his life he’s drunk off your touch and will forever want to hold you at night especially. You warrant off his bad dreams for one, you’re soft, and he loves you. 
Shouto will cuddle you whenever the two of you are able to lay down together.
How he cuddles? The two of you have a few different positions that you like. The sweetheart’s cradle, spooning (who the little spoon depends on what happened that day and if shouto wants to be held or to hold you), and the honeymoon hug.
Now before you whores start saying that you’ll sleep on his left or right side depending on the weather, I raise you this:
Sleep on his left side always. 
Shouto will forever be a bit hesitant and unsure of his left side. Even with his mother’s blessing and the breakthrough of it being his quirk, he has his doubts. Cuddle into his left side because he never imagined his left side to be anyone’s favorite but his fathers. Cuddle into his left side because he can see that someone thinks that his left side can be comforting and strong. Cuddle into his left side so that he can find yet another reason why his imperfect side is something to be proud of and a reason for him to overcome his self-hatred.
D = Dream (What do they dream of doing with their s/o?)
Shouto dreams of being able to do anything that you want to do. Shouto feels like he owes you so much. He thinks that who he is today is because of you and that’s a debt he can never repay you for. Anything you want, anything you need! Todoroki Shouto has it fucking covered for you.
His dream isn’t just to be a great hero for the public, he always wants to be a great hero for you. He wants to come home every day and see that you’re excited to see him and will never leave him through thick or thin.
Also, he wants to start a Cold Soba Food Critique with Todoroki Shouto and Y/l/n Y/n on youtube because first of all the free soba??? Second of all your look of disbelief when he brought it up made his life.
E = Effort (How much effort do they put into a relationship?)
Todoroki Shouto puts in an amazing amount of effort into your relationship.
The night before your first date he texts Fuyumi for advice because he’s nervous and all the advice that Sero, Midoriya, and all the girls gave him just completely overwhelmed him and now he’s nervous he’s not doing enough.
Fuyumi easily goes through his worries and they set up a game plan together.
Shouto, however, shows up to take you on a picnic wearing an expensive suit and you have to stare at him with your cute and yet casual clothes on in horror. You end up going back to his room to pick out something much more casual.
But that super beyond effort and nervous energy are carried on forever.
Shouto just fucking appreciates you so much.
The effort he puts in isn’t even noticed by him. He just genuinely believes you deserve the best of everything that it makes your heart soar whenever he goes above and beyond.
Shouto has everything about you memorized because he’s so observant and notices everything. It is sometimes daunting to see how much he cares, but it just makes you love him more and return the levels of love he always supplies for you.
F = Fear (What do they do if their s/o is scared? How do they handle it?)
Shouto plain and simply does not know what to do when you’re scared. He, however, is a very collected individual despite his own bursting emotions.
When you’re scared he may threaten to go and end whatever it is that’s scaring you. He’ll throw hands with anyone for you, so if it’s a person that’s making you scared, you’ll most likely be wrestling him to keep him from leaving and ending someone’s whole career.
If its something that he can’t physically fight, but instead a concept (like death and outer space for example), he’ll pull you onto his lap as he’s quiet for a while.
Your head will be against his chest as he listens to what you have to say about your anxieties and fears. When you’re done explaining, he’ll give you his own opinion. Something that makes you feel better as you give a watery laugh and snuggle closer into his arms.
If it’s something that makes you go mute, he’ll wrap you up into a blanket and just hold you and give you reassuring kisses until you’re ready to talk.
G = Gifts (What type of gifts do they give their s/o? Do they want a gift in return?)
Shouto gives you either the most expensive gifts or a penny deal toy.
For your one month anniversary, because of his uncertainty and still rather new experience to this all, he buys you the most expensive thing on the goddamn planet.
Its an elegant and beautiful necklace, a diamond sitting in the middle of the chain.
Your eyes widen as you look at the present and you glance at what you were able to buy for him with the twenty dollars you were able to pull together.
“I can’t… I can’t accept this!”
“That’s why it’s a gift, you have to.”
You have a long talk with shouto about price capping and how he doesn’t need to give an arm, leg, and organs to get you a gift.
Of course, it’s not his money, so he doesn’t really care, but out of respect he starts doing smaller presents.
These smaller presents are able to fill you with overwhelming emotions as his attention to detail and observations make him give you some of the best presents in this goddamn world.
He’ll give you his laundry detergent to use to keep his things smelling like him. He’ll give you his old sweaters because you’ll wear the shit out of them. He’ll give you handwritten letters and love notes because he finds them to be the sweetest and most romantic thing in the world.
H = Hugs (Do they hug their s/o? How often?)
Shouto is a low-key hugger.
He’s a bit embarrassed to hug you in front of other people only because it makes him super soft, not that he cares about it but then he doesn’t want to do anything anymore.
He likes to hold you close, his arms around your waist.
His head will always be tucked into your neck, or resting onto your head.
His fingers resting softly onto your waist as you feel like melting.
Shouto also really loves hugging you from behind or having you hug him from behind.
He loves the feeling of your chest pressing up against him as your face presses against her arms. He loves having your head lean against his shoulder as he holds you from behind.
Shouto also loves lifting you up when he hugs you!
Your legs wrapping around his waist as he holds you! When he’s feeling especially playful you best believe he’s going to spin you around in his arms.
He wants to be hugged by you at least ten times a day because it takes his breath away all the time.
I = Intimacy (How romantic are they? Do they have problems with intimacy?)
Shouto isn’t particularly romantic. He is dense. Most romantic things that he does goes a bit over his head and he just doesn’t realize that he is being romantic. But because of the effort, he puts into this relationship he does really end up being romantic on his own half, but he does pull that off with the help of others.
Intimacy with shouto is hard at first, he’s too stiff and awkward and while he is an open book he doesn’t know how to get around to being intimate. He won’t ever initiate anything affectionate at first, but with time he’ll be able to just walk up to you and give you the softest kisses even with the world watching.
J = Jealous (Do they get jealous? How do they act when jealous?)
Todoroki Shouto is a jealous man :)
Shouto is a person who is extremely emotional, yes he is. He doesn’t know how to always express these emotions, but he is an emotional reactor.
So it makes sense that he gets jealous, and how he acts depends on what happened that is making him jealous.
Scenario one (someone is hitting on you. Unintentional jealousy)
When someone is flirting with you, shouto immediately glares. You’re sitting there trying to get out of this situation but you don’t know how to do it exactly. You don’t want to be rude, but you don’t want to be in this situation. Oh my lord, he’s going to come up to you immediately, whipping you around as his mouth pressed against yours. His mouth fervent against yours as his hands grasp your ass as he squeezes your supple flesh. He’ll bite down onto your lip in a way that’ll make you loudly moan and as you panic ripping away from him, shouto will stare at the man flirting with you. “Thanks for taking care of my beautiful girlfriend, but I think I’ll need to take her away.” he’ll say as he presses yet another kiss onto you.
Scenario two (you purposefully get him jealous)
You’re in the club dancing with the girls in your class. Shouto doesn’t want to dance with you right now because he’s too embarrassed to go onto the dance floor. And well, you really really wanted to dance with him. So when someone’s hands wrap around your waist, your eyes fly over to shouto who is already on attention, his eyes on you as he’s ready to watch you punch this asshole to the next galaxy. Except, you don’t. Letting him continue to dance against you as you keep your eyes locked on shouto. His eyes are glaring as he stands up, and his hands are dragging over you but you can hardly feel it as you can almost see the smoke coming off his body. Your eyes shift towards the girls who are staring at you with their jaws on the ground and when you look back Shouto is in front of you ripping you from his grasp as shouto walks away. The next thing you’ll know is that you’re pressed against a corner as his mouth presses harsh and biting kisses against your flesh as he growls into your ear. “Fucking brats get punished.” He’ll say before slamming his mouth against yours. 
K = Kiss (Are they a good kisser? Do they like to kiss? How often do they try to kiss you?)
Shouto has full lips and they’re soft and a flushed color.
Shouto is an intense kisser, his feelings overwhelming you as he presses his mouth towards yours. How he kisses you is so evident to the way he is feeling. He makes you forget everything that is going on every time you two kiss and he wants to kiss you whenever he can. Shouto is a good kisser once he figures out how to kiss correctly, and he fucking is obsessed with kissing you. 
He loves kissing you when you’re sitting on something; when you’re a few steps ahead of him on a staircase, and he loves kissing you right before bed. 
Shouto is also not afraid to make out with you in public, he has no issues with PDA because he doesn’t care about what people think about him because it all affects endeavors image anyways. So yeah, there are quite a few pictures of the two of you making out in public.
L = Love (When do they say they love you? How often do they say it? Do they prefer to say or show it?)
Todoroki Shouto is not and will not be the first person to say I love you. You will be the one to say it. It’s not that shouto doesn’t love you at the time you say it, he’s just anxious that he isn’t completely sure what he’s feeling is love.
Of course, you don’t mind as you comfort and reassure him.
You’ll even tell him that you won’t say you love him until he’s ready as well.
But he loves hearing you tell him that you love him so he doesn’t want you to stop.
He’ll tell you that he’s in love with you one night after a hard day and days of talking to others about if what he’s feeling is truly love. You’ve taken care of him and reassured him that things will be better so he’ll stop and stare at you. 
“I… I love you…” he’ll tell you as you curl up into his left side.
You freeze as you look at him.
“What?”
“I love you, y/n.”
You’ll start crying and so will he as you kiss him over and over again.
He says it whenever he can fit it into a conversation with you and enjoys both saying it and proving it to you.
M = Marriage (Do they want to get married? If so, what kind of ceremony?)
Shouto is perfectly okay with marrying you or not.
He’s definitely not in a rush to put a ring on your finger because he doesn’t think marriage is needed to make your love true. But if marriage is something you want, you best believe that he’ll go down on one knee.
The marriage celebration with be a traditional Japanese ceremony with your two’s personal twist to it. It’ll be a somewhat small one, but there are so many people that the two of you know that it may end up growing to numbers the both of you didn’t expect to get it. Not that you end up minding because the more the merrier.
N = Night out (What type of dates do they like to go on? How often do they like to go on them?)
Shouto loves taking you to everything at least once.
Amusement parks, every single restaurant in the world, movies, picnics, paintball games, super smash bros???? You’ll experience everything with him at least once because he hasn’t done anything himself and he wants his first memory of everything to be a good one.
Dates are twice every month sort of thing. Dates require shouto to plan things out unless you make them, but you two always eat together every day. So while nothing fancy happens, the two of you are always loving each other.
O = Out of the Ordinary (What’s something they don’t normally do with/for their s/o?)
Shouto will not normally take you to see his family.
You’ll meet his siblings one night because fuyumi insists on meeting you, but shouto feels weird about taking you to meet his mother and father. When it does happen, rei loves you of course and she cries as you leave as she thanks you for taking care of him for her and loving him. 
Endeavor, on the other hand, is a different story. He tries his best to act like he doesn’t like you while also battling to really like you because he’s trying to be a good father. Shouto hates the battling personality that his father trapped himself in but endeavor does at the very least respect you.
P = Playful (Are they playful in a relationship? If so, how do they play around/mess with their s/o?)
Shouto is a pretty easy going s/o and will play around with you, but it’s not in a class clown sort of playfulness. Shouto is the kind to do super obscure pranks that if you’re not looking for it, you won’t notice.
Like with him dying his hair in switched colors during April fools day. You notice there’s something off but it takes you a bit to notice what’s wrong. 
He’s the boyfriend who’ll ask you to come taste something for him and while you learn to taste the food on his spoon, he’ll smear it against your mouth as you scream at him. He’ll always clean you up though! Just you know, with his mouth.
Will also get into sass battles with you to see who can think of the most clever comeback, and so far shouto has never lost a single battle.
Q = Questions (Do they ask their s/o their opinion on things? Do they share theirs?)
Shouto sometimes forgets to ask for your opinion on things…
He’s a very commanding person and takes control of things without entirely noticing it at times. He’s a reactionary person and doesn’t think. Of course, that means you’ll know every single little thought, opinion, and detail swimming through his head but if you don’t speak up he may not notice he didn’t ask for yours. 
So speak up for your own ideas and then shouto will realize that he hasn’t been asking. At that moment he’ll always remember, or at the very least try, to ask for your opinion first because he does care! He’s just… shouto.
R = Random (How spontaneous is their relationship? Do they do things on the spot or plan ahead?)
Shouto isn’t a spontaneous person, he enjoys having things planned out so he knows what he’s doing.
But he will always try to do spontaneous things!
Some of your most memorable dates with him have actually been spontaneous dates because as expected they’re wild and you both end up having a chaotically great time together.
Like the one time, you two decided to go get dinner at ten at night but it was an hour on the bullet train and by the time you got your food the trains were done for the night and you didn’t have money to spend the night anywhere… it was a pretty great ass time.
S = Sleep (How do they sleep with their s/o?)
No matter how the two of you start off at the beginning of the night, you always end up on his chest. His arms wrapped around you protectively as your hands press up against his chest. Your legs are tangled together and his hold on you is a death grip.
Make sure to pee before climbing into bed with him.
Shouto also talks in his sleep so sometimes you’ll stay awake just to hear him talk and have endearing and often hysterical conversations with him as he tells you about how much he loves how your hair looks when the wind blows through it.
The few times he argues with endeavor is sad and also funny as he roasts the living shit out of him and you struggle not to wake him.
T = Trust (How much do they trust their s/o?)
Shouto would not LIKE you if he didn’t TRUST YOU.
Shouto trusts you so much it’s rather sweet and it makes you almost anxious because he’s like “oh yeah that super hard thing you need to do? I know that y/n can do it with her eyes closed, bet.” and you know what? He’s not wrong ;)
U = Unique (What makes them unique as an s/o?)
Shouto is a boyfriend that requires you to take special care of him as well. 
He’s a special baby boy who does need some sweet love and affectionate caretaking and you must give it to him because he deserves to know just how much in love you are with him. Not that he asks for it, but because you know that he needs to hear it.
Also, he can make it snow for you in the summer if you ever really needed it.
V = Vulnerable (How long until they can be vulnerable around their s/o? What are they like in this state?)
Shouto being able to relay his traumatic experiences and being vulnerable are two completely different things first of all. 
It actually takes him a while to be vulnerable because he’s never been allowed to express his feelings of discontent and painful sadness. 
In this state, shouto can’t cry. He’s just breathing harshly, his mind unable to calm down as he paces or sits extremely still. His fingers in fists as he doesn’t believe anything you say. He’s almost a broken record as he states his false beliefs over and over again until you crack him. It’s then that he’ll start tearing up and will cry into your shoulder as you hold him close. Your own eyes watering because this man deserves so much better.
W = Wild Card (Get a random domestic headcanon of the character of your choice)
By FAR the most entertaining date you’ve ever been on with shouto was to the ice rink.
Everyone, including shouto, believes that he is a talented and genius figure skater because his quirk allows him to manipulate ice. He can create ice and walks on it daily so why shouldn’t he be a graceful skater. Well, you were both wrong.
Shouto is so used to being able to just walk and run on his ice because of his special boots that the first time he hits a rink he eats shit.
He can’t ice skate for shit and will forever stumble around the rink as he tries to maintain composure and integrity.
Hopefully, you’re a better skater and can hold his hands and take him around while you two skate or else you’ll be the couple crying on the floor from laughing so much because you both eat shit while ice skating.
Also, you’ve totally dyed your hair to match his at one point.
X = X-Ray (What would they do if their s/o got injured?)
Shouto is a very by the book caretaker. He’s been trained in a way that he will do everything that is correct. Do you have a fever? He’ll give you the medicine and the blankets to help break you out of it.
Broken anything? Better sit your ass down because he’ll freeze you to it if he has to.
Of course, once you submit to his caretaking it’s then that he’ll climb behind you and hold you because being held by someone is scientifically proven to help you heal faster.
Y = Yuck (Do they have any pet peeves about their s/o? Are there any habits that might bother their s/o?)
Shouto’s one pet peeve is if you don’t respect your own opinions on something. If you choose to do something not because you believe it’s right but because it’s whats lawfully correct (he’s a chaotic neutral don’t @ me) he will fight you about it. He doesn’t like it when you don’t follow your intuitions because if you’re not true to yourself who the hell are you true to?
Shouto’s only habit that may bother you is his occasional lack of words. He just doesn’t respond at times where words are clearly needed, but it’s something he’s definitely working on.
Z = Zeal (Are they passionate as an s/o? Do they want or like passion?)
TODOROKI FUCKING SHOUTO IS A PASSIONATE MAN WHO WANTS YOU TO KNOW THAT HE SINCERELY AND GENIUNELY LOVES YOU. HE WILL SWEEP YOU OFF YOUR FEET EVERY SINGLE NIGHT AND REMIND YOU OF HOW MUCH HE LOVES. Shouto wants passion because you own his heart and well he will give you all the passion and loves when you give it back.
NSFW (under cut):
A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)
Shouto is the man who will lay on his face for a few seconds after orgasming as he tries to gather his wits. He’ll look over at you as he chuckles before shakily getting out of bed asking what you want.
He’ll bring back a washcloth as he wipes sweat and cum from your body as he presses gentle kisses to any red marks on your body. He’ll thank you and say he loves you as he does so. His quirk going off to soothe any aches or pains you may have
He also is a big sucker for taking post-sex showers with you. The fragrance of the bath salts as you lay on his chest.
B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
Shouto’s favorite body part on him (besides that long fucking dick) is his arms and hands. I don’t know man, but his arms are so fucking toned and his hands are rough and calloused from handling harsh elements. The way you cry against his body when his hands rub against your body stirs him on and he’ll almost nut on the scene. Plus he loves his back because you rake your nails against his back so much and hehee yes.
Shouto’s favorite body part on you… he can’t decide.
Shouto is a cultured man who loves tits, ass, and thighs equally. He loves seeing your breasts squeezing around his cock as he’s strapped to the bed, your mouth in a sly smirk because you won’t give him your mouth. Plus the soft flesh overwhelms him. Your ass? He really fucking loves slapping your ass as you lay against his lap, counting the number of spanks he’s given you. He loves how soft and how much it bounces with every smack. And your thighs? He loves when you’re riding his face the flesh of your thighs adding pressure as he is desperate in eating you out and eye--
C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)
Shouto’s come is not the worst thing on the planet. He lives a healthy lifestyle and soba is among one of the worst things he eats and it’s actually not that terrible for you to begin with. Shouto comes in a pretty large loud and it’s either burning hot or sorta cold…
His favorite place to see his come is when it’s oozing out of your pussy, he thinks its so fucking vulgar and he loves it.
D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
Shouto really wanted to fuck you before the two of you got together. It’s not something he’s proud of, or even really understood before he was able to understand his feelings for you. All he knows is that you bent over one day and he caught a glimpse at your panties. Afterward, he had one thing on his mind when he was feeling horny but he couldn’t really understand why? He knew that what he saw was, in fact, hot, but why was every single wet dream of his becoming him being fucked or fucking you?
E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)
Shouto is a virgin who you could not tell if they were. He’s so collected that you have to take a few seconds to make sure that he is, in fact, a virgin and he’ll look at you and go “I literally don’t know what I’m doing.”
So to answer, he’s not experienced nor does he know what he’s doing, but he’s a nerd athlete so it really helped him go at it like he was experienced. Plus… he has no shame asking for help.
F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)
Shuttle - rIDE HIS COCK AND HAVE YOUR ELBOW AGAINST HIS THROAT??? DOM HIS LITTLE ASS INTO SUBMISSION?!?!??!?! FUCKING DO IT AND HE WILL LITERALLY NEVER LOOK AT ANYONE EVER AGAIN!!!
Anvil - a classic position, he just loves the depth he can reach like this and how you melt within his grasp.
Mirage - suck his cock while he can see your entire body and can also finger you at the same time as he can tease you about being a cockwhore??? yes.
Lap dance - he just really fucking loves your body throwing backward onto him as your gasps hit his ear as he slams into you. Your tits are readily available for him to grab.
Workout - having your hips desperately grinding into him as he fucks you standing up without a wall to help him??? He’s gonna make you lose your goddamn mind.
Watering can - riding his cock and smothering him with your tits???? Switch!shouto is quaking.
G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)
Shouto is a very serious man in bed. He ranges from being a growling alpha male to being a super needy shaking man who begs for you to ravage him.
Of course, he can be super kind, his touches soft and sweet.
But humourous??? That’s not really shouto.
You can have giggly sex with him, that’s a given, but it’s not that you’re laughing because he’s cracking a joke of the century.
Shouto is an intense man, so it makes sense that his lovemaking and fucking is intense too.
H = Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)
Shouto’s pubes are the same as his head. Red and white split down the middle. 
Now about grooming, shouto wasn’t even that aware that grooming his pubes were a thing so they were a big ole’ mess. Of course, it’s not a defining thing and you talk with him afterward.
He’ll show up the next time bare as a baby butt.
You’ll find a happy medium depending on what you both like because opinions are important and he wants you to be happy and comfortable. 
I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 
Shouto and you can get a little too kinky in bed so being intimate and romantic are a bit hard.
However, he is always super into the moment. When he’s fucking you, shouto can only think about you and only you. Damn everything else.
When you two aren’t being horny animals and are instead soft lovemaking lovers, it’s so so romantic. It doesn’t matter who’s on top, breathless cries, sweet moans, rose petals sticking to your sweaty bodies, and the scent of the burning candles set the fucking scene. It makes you truly look at him and realize just how fucking in love you are with him 
J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)
Shouto used to masturbate once a month before you.
It gradually increased the more he had wet dreams about you and perverted thoughts.
Now? The only time he masturbates is when you’re at the edge of the bed, his face locked on your smirking face as you say you won’t fuck him until he’s made himself come because he was being too needy earlier. 
K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)
Switch - depending on the day he wants you to either manipulate him to your will or he wants to ravage you
Brat tamer - he really fucking loves when you’re being a brat. He wants you to fight him for his dominance because shoving you into the bed to teach you who the fucking dom is right now.
Temperature play - it’s a given, but he’s also a slut for having temp play done on him
Bondage - silk ties, spread bars, gags, blindfolds… on you, on him, he doesn’t care he loves not being able to do anything or seeing you crying in frustration
P R A I S E - HE WILL BE SO WRAPPED AROUND YOUR FINGER IF YOU PRAISE HIM. DO IT, COWARDS.
Marking - let the world fucking know who the both of you belong to. Bites, scratches, the works. Do it.
Roleplay - there’s something about seeing a different personality on the both of you and he just really loves seeing your own personality struggling against the one you’ve chosen
Exhibitionism - he gives no fucking fucks about fucking you outside of the damn house. He finds it so hot seeing you struggle with not going feral outdoors… eye--
L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)
Endeavors bed.
Definitely in one of your bedrooms because that means you can go on for however long and do whatever the hell you want!!!! But he does… sorta love fucking you in the outdoors especially if there’s 
M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)
The major thing that will always result in you getting to fuck shouto is makeout sessions.
Straddle his lap and kiss him senseless.
Grind your hip against his as your mouth peppers a trail of kisses from his mouth to his jaw and down his neck.
Give him quiet and moaning praises as his head drops as his fingers leave bruising grips onto your waist.
You’ll look back to him and you’ll see that fire lit in his eyes, the pure love and lust that swirl within his gaze as he smashes his mouth back against your mouth as he stands up. Your shirt is torn from your body as he slams you against the wall promising you exactly how many times he’s going to make you come that night. 
N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)
SHOUTO WILL NOT BRAND YOU OR PHYSICALLY HURT YOU WITH HIS QUIRK. YES, HE LIKES TO USE HIS QUIRK ON YOU BUT IF YOU SO MUCH AS ASK FOR HIM TO PUT HIS NAME ON YOUR ASS HE’LL LITERALLY LEAVE.
He also does not like emotional torture in bed.
O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)
Shouto loves the best of both worlds.
Suck him off while he fucking eats you out like a man who hasn’t consumed anything in years. But he loves eating you out more than he loves seeing your mouth fucking him. Especially when you sit on his face.
SIT ON HIS FACE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
His skill??? Untouchable, you will never find anyone as good as him at oral, sorry. He aims to please in every aspect so he will find a goddamn way to make you squirt on his face.
P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)
You can do both with him.
He loves the sensual side of the sex with you the most. He loves seeing your body slowly moving due to your actions, how your back arches off the bed, or how you fall forward as you make him squeeze your breasts harder.
But he also loves the fast and rough sex.
The breaking the headboards, permanently altering mattress, the bruises that litter your bodies afterward. Shouto loves seeing your face turn red, veins popping from both of your skin, as cum and sweat drip everywhere.
Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)
Shouto is definitely not opposed to quickies, the exhibitionist in him is high off the thrills as he fucks you in a fast and almost demeaning way. He loves having you bent over, having you against a wall, it literally doesn’t matter he’s obsessed about the way you look and how thrilling it feels to have a quickie.
It doesn’t happen that often, once every few months because at the end of the day he’d rather fuck you or be fucking in a bed.
R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)
Shouto is game to experiment, even if it makes him nervous, even if he isn’t for it initially.
It is how you two found out pegging is a thing you can do together.
As stated before, he trusts you with everything in the world so when you bring anything up he’s going to trust you as either a dom or a sub.
If he finds something that intrigues him, he’ll definitely keep it in for a bit until he fully understands what exactly he’ll be putting the both of you through but it’s always mentioned. Of course, not everything has worked out for the best, but you never keep anything in question.
S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)
Todoroki Shouto???? More like Too many rounds Sho-wreck-you (that was so bad please don’t hate me). He’s been training his entire life so he has the stamina of a fucking ox. When he doms you, fully expect to be a twitching fucking mess who’s literally oozing out his come because he’s gonna fuck you to Pluto and back. When he subs, it’s a bit of a different story. He just has so many overwhelming pleasures from seeing that glint in your eyes to the way you manipulate his body that he won’t ever last more than five rounds.
His stamina is no joke and do not enter this relationship expecting to be able to outlast him especially because he can regulate his temperature to cool himself down.
T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)
You two start with no toys. The first time you fuck it’s going to be vanilla and limited to what you already own. Like he uses a sweatshirt and belts to use for binding and your panties as gags.
But with some time you guys end up having a whole ass collection.
You guys do use them, maybe not every single session, but enough to make each purchase worth their use.
They get used on both of you almost a dead equal amount.
Favorite toys include (but not limited to nor in any particular order): a vibrator, fucking machine, strap on, anal beads, and vibrating cock ring.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Shouto can be the biggest fucking tease on the planet. Especially after you dom him. He loves holding your wrists in one hand because that’s how fucking big they are. He loves to see the sweat slipping down your neck as your hips buck wildly, begging for attention as his free hand grazes your folds, his eyes glancing at you as he chuckles lowly. “Does my princess want my fucking cock?” He’ll whisper as his fingers leave your slit to grab his hard cock, the head barely pressing in but you’re moaning as if he’s fully in you. “Oh no, I don’t think you’re quite ready for my cock princess… I need to see you break before you even get to taste it.”
V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)
Shouto is initially a very quiet lover, his teeth biting down harshly onto his lower lip as he tries not to let his whines and grunts be heard.
But we love vocal lovers, don’t we?
So with pleading, and a few more encouraging praises shouto can completely transform.
He growls, moans, whines, curses, and snarls so fucking much that you can’t even begin to believe that he was ever once quiet and shy about this.
W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)
Shouto has a really big fucking thing for lingerie.
He buys you so many fucking unique and different sets for you to wear. You have lingerie of every single color of every single design. He is especially fond of a black lacy set you have that has a high waisted garter belt to it because it was the set you wore to dominate his switch ass for the very first time ever.
Plus you obtain these different auras with every set you put on, and he can’t help how fucking hot it is to see just how you’ll turn out to be new ones.
He’s a curious boy, what can I say.
X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)
Todoroki Shouto is basically perfect??? Have i not made that obvious enough yet???
His dick is honest to god eight inches even when not hard. It’s not massive in terms of girth but it’s still enough to stretch you out in a delicious way.
He has two prominent veins running down the sides of his cock, one on each side.
It’s also a bit darker than the rest of his body.
Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)
Shouto has a high sex drive, he’s just aware of it lmao.
Everything he does in terms of being romantic kinda of always ends with the two of you going at it.
It’s not until you push him away teasingly saying that he’s a horny ass animal does he finally realize that yeah, he’s probably down to bone you 99.9% of the time all day any day.
But I mean, he won’t push you at all if you aren’t in the mood because he is a  GENTLEMAN!!!!!!!!!!
Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)
Shouto is a sleepy ass motherfucker, he has definitely fallen asleep on you well before getting to clean you up. But the cum stains the next day were not fun so he always fights his sleepiness to make sure to clean you up. But as soon as your dandy and clean, he’s passing out with you trapped in his arms.
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sugassetter · 5 years ago
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Comfort. Soft!Natsuo, Tamaki, Mirio, Uraraka, Shinsou, Bakugo x Reader
Admin: Just a little comfort for those who are dealing with insecurities. Love yourselves. 💕
Warning: Mentions of gaining weight. Might trigger! taglist: @heroheads @secondhand-trash @redbeanteax @ohmycolie @lady-bakuhoe @katsukisprincess @unbreakable-tiddies concept: you’ve always been conscious of certain aspects of your body. you’ve spent days, months even years shaming yourself and your abilities. But your s/o had different plans. 
natsuo: 
once again, your body was showcased in front of the mirror, your expression contorted into a hateful one. Like usual, it was directed at yourself. Your boyfriend was currently not home, giving you the perfect opportunity to concentrate on the spots you hated most. You felt bad doing this behind his back yet it had to be done. Someone had to do it. If it isn’t a stranger, it had to be you. What you didn’t expect was to hear the front door open, your boyfriend entering your shared apartment. He must’ve finished his exam early, you thought. “y/n?” He called out. You felt too ashamed to answer, seeing as he would be disappointed in you for the things you’ve been doing to yourself. The door to the bedroom opened, Natsuo standing there with a huge bouquet with your favorite flowers and a huge smile on his face. It dropped quickly once he took the sight of you half naked in front of the mirror in. “Babe? What are you doing?” The tears started flowing and thus the panic started. “What’s wrong?? How can I help??” You felt so bad, having him take care of you like this. You felt selfish. “I-I’m sorry, Natsuo..” You couldn’t hold back the sob that threatened to escape. “Why are you sorry? What happened? Please talk to me y/n..” Your arms wrapped around him, squeezing him tight as his wrapped around your small frame. You couldn’t look him in the eyes no matter how much he insisted. “Please say something..” He pleaded, the worry in his eyes becoming more evident every time you look up. “I.. I spent my time.. hating on myself when you were gone, Natsuo..” You could feel him tense up at your words, intensifying your worry. He pressed your firmly against his rather muscular body, pressing a kiss to your head. “What did you do that for, y/n? You’re perfect.” His words brought heat to your face, quickly turning into a tomato. You attempted to escape from his hold yet he didn’t want to let you go. He needed to make you realize how much you are worth to him. “I love you for who you are, y/n. Your body is just an addition to your amazing personality.” He picked you up bridal style, carrying you over to the bed and wrapping you up in your shared blanket. Then he sat down and pulled you close to him, planting kisses all over his face. “You don’t need to be a model for me to love you. I do it anyways. So smile for me or i’ll make you!” Suddenly, his hands made their way under your shirt to sneak tickles upon you. Your laughter brightened the mood. At least Natsuo said so. 
Tamaki: 
Being the girlfriend of an outstanding pro hero had its good and bad sides. He was very caring despite his anxious nature. He always made sure you were happy and he gave you the cutest pet names. Your favorites were definitely bunny and honey. It even rhymes. The downside of it all is the amount of free time you have due to him being on missions most of the time. You used it to point out all the negative aspects about yourself and shame them. Today was another one of those days. Tamaki had gone to a mission two days ago and still hadn’t come back yet. You predicted him to be back by tomorrow. But boy were you wrong. You didn’t expect him to come back as you stood in front of the bathroom mirror, half naked. His soft voice called out for you “B-Bunny??” His voice was anxious, as if thinking you had been taken away. You softly answered back. “In the bathroom, Tama.” You could hear the sigh of relief escaping him, making you feel at least a little better. The sound of cups being taken out of the cupboard startled you and then made you relax, knowing what’s going to happen. “Did you want some tea, honey?” Your boyfriend asked from the other side of the door, his hand resting on the handle. “Uh yeah sure!” You hurriedly collected your clothes, hoping you can put them on before he even thought of opening the door. Much to your dismay, he opened the door as soon as you collected the clothes. His face was red and his eyes were widened. “What are you doing in here, bunny?” The confusion in his voice made you feel guilty and your gaze lowered to the floor. “I was.. looking at myself in the mirror.” This made the Pro Hero even more confused. Thus, you continued your explanation. “To.. hate on myself..” You finished, glancing up at his face. The way his eyes widened and his concern showed made you feel even more guilty now. You just wanted to hide away. “Bunny.. Why? There’s nothing to hate. You’re perfect to me. I.. don’t deserve you.” Having him say that made you want to cry. Instead you moved forward and gave him a hug. Luckily he already warmed up to you so he didn’t have an issue with hugging you back. “You’re the best thing in my life, Tamaki. I love you so much. Let’s just.. support each other from now on. I think it helps.” You suggested earning a nod from the red faced man. 
Mirio: 
Mirio is literally the sun. You have no idea how you managed to get such a perfect boyfriend. Compared to him you were nothing. You were dull, a civilian. How did he become interested in you? It was all beyond you. As usual, you were locked up in your shared bedroom, examining your face. Muttering hateful comments to yourself. If he heard them, he’d be disappointed. What you didn’t expect was him storming into the room, very excited to see you until he realized what you were doing. “y/n.. what is this?” His tone.. wasn’t as cheerful as usual. It made your heart clench. “I..I’m so sorry Mirio.. I couldn’t help myself.. I.. I’m sorry.” He just stared at you, seemingly trying to form words. You engulfed him in a hug, giving his body an anxious squeeze. He slowly wrapped his arms around your body, suddenly picking you up and throwing you on the bed. “I think I need to teach you how to love yourself, y/n.” He crawled up to you, grinning down at your now red face. He lowered his face to yours, covering them in soft little kisses. “I love your eyes. They always light up when you’re with me.” He kissed your eyelid after. “I love your cute nose and how it scrunches up when I kiss it.” He kissed your nose, watching it scrunch up as usual. “I love your soft lips and your wonderful smile.” He kissed your lips, making it last longer than the other kisses. “I love all of you and I always will. Don’t hate yourself or I’ll have to save you again” He laughed, causing you to smile a little. This man was yours and you were so glad it was that way. 
Uraraka:
You two were currently cuddling on the couch in front of the tv. Your hand was waving through her hair, softening it. She was relaxing on top of you, her eyes glued to the tv. Until you spoke up. “Hey.. uh. I was wondering.. why do you like me? Someone like you could have someone better.” This made Uraraka get up from her position, looking you dead in the eye with a disappointed look. “Y/N.. We talked about this. I love you because you are you. There’s nothing better if i’m already dating the best.” She pressed a shy kiss to your cheek, holding you close. Your hand cupped her cheek, your face now red. “I just don’t like myself..” Uraraka giggled, booping your nose with hers. “Then I’ll teach you to.” With that she pressed a kiss to your lips. It soon turned into a makeout session. 
Shinsou:
Your boyfriend has always been a very timid guy. But he knew how to make your heart swoon and used it to his advantage in any type of situation. Just like today. You were telling him about your insecurities. “I just wish I had smaller hips and a nicer ass, you know? Maybe you’d like me better too.” Shinso interrupted you quickly, moving closer to you until your lips almost touch. “Why are you saying that?” He questioned you.You being a dumbass answered his question, completely forgetting about his quirk. “Well--” He quickly brainwashed you, cupping your cheek and smiling genuinely at you. “Now repeat after me, y/n.” You didn’t move, he had you completely in control. “I love everything about myself. From head to toe.” A minute of silence erupted until you finally spoke up, his eyes watching your lips with an intense look. “I love everything about myself. From head to toe.” You repeated slowly, tears leaking from your eyes. You must have gotten emotional. “Good Girl.” He released you from his quirk, quickly pressing his lips against yours and pushing you down. “Looks like I have to teach you a lesson, Kitten.” 
Bakugou: 
You were currently seated on the couch, poking your belly while your boyfriend was cooking up dinner for you. You’ve been thinking the whole time, knowing if you were to say what’s on your mind your boyfriend would blow up, quite literally. “Hey babe. I don’t think I’m eating tonight.” The moment he stopped all movement was the moment you were gonna die. You were fucked. He turned the stove off and moved the pot so nothing would burn as he walked over to you with a snarl, which you actually love, on his face. “What the fuck did you just say?!” He shouted at you, regretting it when he noticed you flinch. Instead, he sat down next to you and took your hand in his, an evident blush on your face. “Stop starving yourself, dumbass.” His words were harsh but you knew he cared. His arm wrapped around your torso, pulling you closer to him. “If this is another shitty diet, forget it!!” His face softened, looking at you like he wanted something. “I-It’s not.. I just.. I think I gained too much weight. I just want to look good standing by your side, Katsuki.” Hearing you say that made his heart ache. He never liked you speaking that way about yourself. He clicked his tongue, his eyes focused on yours. “Dumbass. You’re already perfect. Who cares what some shitty person says.. I- I love you damn it!” The blush on his face became worse, yet he sacrificed it all by doing his next move. His hand went up to brush his hair out of the way, moving closer to you. “Here.. you like doing this shitty thing so whatever.” He glanced to the side, clearly embarrassed. You smiled softly at the gesture, placing kisses on his forehead. Thinking he wouldn’t notice, he let himself smile at you with the softest expression you had ever seen. “Well, someone’s happy.” You giggled, his face getting even redder if possible. “S-SHUT UP!” He shouted, letting himself fall backwards and pulling you onto him into a cuddling position. His arms wrapped around your back, not letting you go. “Since you like this kinda think, I’ll let it slide. DON'T YOU DARE EXPECT IT ALL THE TIME… y/n..” He pressed a kiss to the crown of your head as he kept you down to prevent you from seeing his flushed face anymore. “Thank you, Katsuki. You’re the best.” You giggled, getting comfortable. The soft expression appeared again, this time he let it happen. “I know.” Was his response, making you laugh.
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temporoom · 4 years ago
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Kind of wanted to get this out of my mind quickly, so uhm... kind of a personal post? Semi-vent with heartfelt ending? Anyway. If you are uncomfortable with this feel free to just keep scrolling.
WARNING: Internalized homophobia, dubious consent (?)
One of the things that has been bothering me recently is my sexuality. It’ll probably seem weird to old followers because I never hid being bisexual, and most of stories reflect that (since I write all my characters bisexual unless mentioned otherwise). But recently, my certainty was doubted. And I’ve been thinking back to who I am attracted to.
Back in January, I got a boyfriend, with whom I broke up with a first time after a few weeks, before getting back together only a week after, and definitely broke up with him around a month ago. The reason for that was mostly because of the sudden and brutal realization that I might be just not attracted to men at all.
I luckily didn’t grew up in an environment that would make me ashame of whatever sexuality I might have, but my father always insisted on perpetuating lineage for some reasons, and since my father’s way of thinking corresponded to me more, it also stuck in my head in a way. And so, I always imagined my future with a man despite knowing I was attracted to girls, because I wanted to stay true to that principle (and also because I liked the idea of being married and having children). But that future was only seen as something that would suddenly happen, and I never actually imagined having a passionate relationship with anyone. In my head, I would be single and then married, without any of the in-between that normal couples would have. Romances described by others was nice to witness, and I enjoy it, but I never saw it for myself.
And then, I went from single to the social statue of being in a “couple”. Not only did I lost that statue of being single, but then I realized that I had to be with another human being. That realization was one of the reasons I broke up the first time. I wasn’t ready. But it was tense at home at the moment and I ended up being touch-starved and needing something outside of the safe environment I grew up in, and so I accepted going out with him again after he asked me while I was in a moment of weakness. (He is a very cool guy don’t worry)
The first time I was confused, because I never imagined anyone falling for me ever, and the first person who asked me to go out with them just happened to be head over heels for me (no one asked me out before, and no one ever fell in love with me before). So I thought that I might just needed to clarify our feelings, and put some effort in the relationship to make it work out this time. I was feeling bad for this poor guy who I was treating as a test subject for relationships, but I really needed to think about something else at that moment. And so I put the effort. I held his hands, I accepted physical contact, I acted sweet and all... 
And it felt like a performance. Which in a way I knew it was, because I knew I wasn’t in love like he was in love with me. 
I thought it was fine, and I could keep up like this. After all, he was everything I could ask for in a guy, and I should be happy. And so I put in the effort... And the relationship advanced quicker than I would have expected. 
As he was touching me, I suddenly felt like I was dissociating, I was seeing myself on the third person, controlling a character and not my own body. “I’ve seen it act like this, so I should do like this right?” before I realize it, it was starting to become too close to something too deep, and when I came back to my senses... I was terrified. I was terrified and scared. He kindly asked me if I wanted to stop, and I said yes. He hugged me for a while, and I waited, eyes open in the dark, for him to fall asleep so I could sneak out of bed. He noticed, and let me be, moving a way. I stayed there, eyes open in the dark, heart beating fast, but it was nothing romantic, just irrational fear. I ended falling asleep for a couple of hourse before waking up earlier than I ever did. I went to the bathroom with my clothes in my arms, dressing up there before he could my body again, and then I sat at the end of the bed on the ground, staring at the wall, feeling like I would cry.
I came to the same conclusion as before, doing someything with another human being was just plain terrifying. But something else came to me at that moment... the face of a girl I knew back in high school. This girl was a rollercoaster of emotion for me, she had a boyfriend but was flirty with anyone, and when she had noticed that she had an effect on me... She had taken full advantage on it. Grazing my arm in class with her nails, hugging me tight while pressing her entire body against mine, showing herself of to me in the changing room after gym class... She had drove me crazy. She was also the one who made me realize I could have sexual desire... What I didn’t had with my boyfriend at that moment.
I thought back to when she had allowed me to touch her stomach, how my body had felt like I was burning, the electricity coursing through it just from the contact of my hand with her skin... When it had been with my boyfriend... It had felt empty, and I had quickly went back to analyzing the forms of the body like an anatomy book. 
And sitting on the ground, staring at the wall, the dim light of the morning lightening up the room, I realized I liked girls. Only girls. 
I wasn’t sure at that moment, so I was still denying it in my head. “No I just can’t make it work out with him. It’s fine. Maybe I will find someone else, and I will have children, and everyone will be happy and... My brother can’t have children, my sister can’t either... If I can’t, if I can’t then I will be useless.” I ended up messaging a friend about it, because I needed to vent to someone, and she listened willingly, but agreed that she couldn’t really help me on that matter. And I knew that even with seeing a therapist, I was the only one who could know. 
Words from friends and family came back to my mind as days passed by “I imagined a future where we had families, and you were married to a beautiful woman.”, “You often talk about girls, but you don’t seem attracted to men.”...
“What do you prefer?” She had asked in the dark classroom, her eyelashes fluttering, her fingers tracing patterns on my arms, a sly smile on her pink lips. “Boys... or girls?”
“Both.” I replied quickly, my breath getting caught in my throat, I could feel the red burning on my cheeks. 
She hummed, as if she knew, as if she knew I wanted to reply “You.”
As if reading my mind, youtube started recommending me Tiktok compilations of lesbians Tiktok. It was stupid, but I needed answers, and so I clicked on the video.... and then another... and a third... It was enjoyable to watch, but nothing gave me a clear answer. It was always of girls confident in their sexuality, or who wanted to show off their relationship... It didn’t help me. And then one thing stood out between them all, a skit explaining how internalized homophobia worked on lesbians.
Attracted to fictional male character, but not real men.
Wants to date girls, but see themselves marrying a man. 
Reassured by being identified as bisexuals...
Some other stuff too. But those three stood out to me. And another on poped up, about a woman explaining how anxiety can make some girls confuse it for attraction due to the similar feeling of nervousness it gives. 
At that point, I knew I was a lesbian, and I had broken up with boyfriend for good this time. Yet, I couldn’t accept it.
“What scares you about being attracted to girls?” Asked my mother, a sorry look in her eyes, as if she was asking what she did wrong to make me feel that way.
As if I could cry at any moment, my emotions tried to fight with my reasons. “I don’t know.” It didn’t make sense, ther was nothing rational about fearing being attracted to women. 
I started dreaming of heterosexual relationships, dreams that I would live like nightmares, as if I was back with him, performing again, smiling like a good girlfriend and doing what people asked me to... One was sexual, it wasn’t consensual, but I couldn’t see his face, so I thought it was “fine”. If I couldn’t see the face it was fine. There was no logical reasons to be afraid. Maybe I was attracted to men after all? Maybe I could still not be a disappointment...
Why did it bothered me so much? It wasn’t that big of a deal. It’s just how society works, it wants you to find your little box to fit, and you have to act like it, where is your box? Where is the box you fit in? But I couldn’t fit in the box I wanted to, I couldn’t, neither as a bisexual person, or as a lesbian liked described in all the videos I’ve seen. 
I felt more uncomfortable each day. Being with a human was terrifying, being attracted to girls was terrifying...
This night I dreamt of kissing a girl. She wasn’t someone I had knew, and yet, her face was detailed, as if she had been real, and right before me at that very moment. We talked, and her voice was soft, and our lips touched, and my body was mine, not one fabricated by my mind, and she said it was beautiful. She smiled, and I felt... at peace. Like I could see a future with this girl I just met. Our hands touched, and I woke up alone. The memory of her lips still on me.
It was my first time dreaming of a girl like this, and it was nothing like any dreams I had before, it made me feel good, at peace, as if it was where I belonged, and where I was meant to belong all my life. 
“I like girls.” I thought, and then I smiled. “I like girls.”
And I couldn’t get why I was afraid before, because that feeling of love I had felt in my dream was amazing. It was more real than anything I had felt before. I wanted to cherish it. 
This morning I woke up, thinking that I like girls. That it was alright to just think that, hope for that, and hope for something else as well. And I felt at peace.
I’m sorry to my ex if you’re reading this, you did nothing wrong, you were the best guy anyone could ask for... I’m just gay. And it’s time for me to accept it once and for all. 
Oh and thank you to anyone who read it until the end. I’m sorry I had to vent here, but I felt like I had to write it somehwere. Thank you for being patient with me!
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kanene-yaaay-o-retorno · 4 years ago
Text
The Colors of my Soul(mates) [1]
[Second oneshot]
[AO3 link]
Kanene’s Notes:
Nope, I do not regret the pun. Okay, okay! I’ve plaining this AU for almost an year so I’m pretty excited to post it!! dfghjsdfrtyucfvgbhjv yaaaay!! Thank you very very much @olliedollie1204 for such a positive feedback and awesome ideas. it helped me a lot!! 
Warnings, fun facts, random things and stuff:
* That fanfic has Virgil, Logan, Patton and Roman (only a brief mention of Remy) in a platonic relationship (yet), but it can be viewed as romantic, if you wish. 
* Warnings: A bit of swearing and depreciative thoughts. It’s mostly fluff and hurt/comfort, tho.
* This characters do not belongs to me. They all belongs to the amazing Thomas Sanders in his series of Sanders Sides.
* Something around 4.500 words. -w-)b.
* Sorry for any spelling, pontuation and grammar mistakes! Any advice is very very welcome!
* Tô com preguiça de postar a versão em português brasileiro aaaa! Thankys for reading, my lollipops! Say to someone important how much you love them, be safe, talk with the one that you love, drink water and sleep well! Byeioo!~
                           [~*~]
What can do a creature if not, between creatures, love?  - Carlos Drummond de Andrade
  - What the fu-
 Virgil only discovered he had more than one Soulmate when he was twenty years old, more specifically the exact moment he took a wrong turn and kept going even knowing he was in the wrong way because one hour it would lead him to somewhere Virgil would recognize before his mortal being inevitably starved to death in the middle of nowhere and his eyes got dragged from the visions from thousands of futures created by his mind to a Teddy Bear Store - they seemed to replicate worse than bacteria during Valentine’s Day - and two bears from the crimson shelter suddenly dyed themselves in two milliseconds as he slightly glanced at them.
 Two of them. Virgil felt his entire face burn in hot shades of embarrassment with drops of disbelief, almost as if all the people running, stumbling, locked in their own worlds and swearing while walked in the sideway because ‘some stupid teenager decided to just stop and block their way’ could, by only looking at him, stare deep into his soul and realize the one staring astonished the store already carried in his fate another one more Soulmate at home.
One completely different in shape and form, even if also blue, however in a light, sky blue completely opposite shade from the new navy one staring him down - Virgil knew plentily their link wasn’t bonded yet, albeit he was equally sure that the person behind those black glooming teddy bear’s eyes were already judging him, - wondering why, between all the people, he was their soulmate. The other red one was very much likely crackling in his face when an employee came and pointedly turn the adult’s attention to the sign in big, graphed words clued in front of their store:
 “You dye, you buy.”
 Virgil signed, pushing his hoodie down further, wondering how much time it would take of him hitting his head on the wall to finally pass out. This option sounded much more attractive when he realized that this new ‘discovery’ about himself would cost all his month’s saves.
 He asked, to the Universe, the stars, the Earth and whoever was seeing him in that exact moment: why?
 Was it a kind of prank? A punishment from fate when, years and tears ago, Virgil lifted his chin up and dared the Universe to give him more soulmates as he locked all his uncolored – although never really free of some weak drops of paint from what one day they came to be – simply stuffed animals, - and nothing more, anymore, - away and promised he would never, ever allow himself to go all through this shit again?
 But… That had been… years ago. Almost a decade since that soft voice he got to know so well, the impulsive acts, long conversations and warm feelings.
 But…
 Time has passed, that is true. Nevertheless, deep down has he really changed?
 Virgil stared at the bag carried so close to his chest since his bare hands were sweating and shaking way too much for this task. Yes, he knew his Soulmates won’t feel anything until both of them decided to ‘give the First Step’, accepting to link their souls and fates, for the longest as it lasts. However, he didn’t want to risk it, because what if they felt? What if he in some way broke the Soulmate System when got two at the same time and now everything was messed up and they could already feel his touches even through the bag and the first impression Virgil would gave to them was ‘That anxious, weird boy and his creepy, sweaty hands’ and-
 A girl almost hit him as she passed running at his side, making his arms protectively hug further the teddy bears closer to him, arms protectively involving them, the soft touch somehow calming his tumulted thoughts. The lost man took a deep breath.
 Clear your mind. Rational thoughts. Focus on the two sides of the coin. Three people wouldn’t be able to break a millennial, unknown system, don’t matter how good he was in screwin… No, a voice that sounded suspiciously a lot like his psychologist calmly pointed, not like that. Virgil huffed, trying again. He was a magnet of problems and bad…Okay, also wrong. Neutral thoughts, focus on neutral thoughts. Come on. Come on.
 It was okay.
 They wouldn’t feel him until they gave the first step. Right, that… sounded like a start. He didn’t do anything. Now, what Virgil needed to do was go to his house, clean his bed in order to find a good place where he could put and ignore them and then he would get his headphones, listen his playlists and wonder where the fuck his life was going.
 It was okay. Everything would stay okay as long as he didn’t give the First Step.
 Virgil unconsciously hugged tighter the teddy bears, his fingers finding way and drowning themselves in the soft, cozy fur, combing them in light, soothing touches as he continued his way.
 Okay. Everything was okay.
 [~*~]
 Plurinfanto, or Multiple Souls, it’s the nomination used for the cases when a person has diverse soulmates at the same time and in a same period.
 The first known case was with Pharaoh Cleopatra when multiples of her woolen fabric started to dye themselves in various colors and shades. In Ancient Roman, it was believed that the occurrences were blessings from Venus in a sign of prosperity and abundance. Grand, longstanding parties were executed through days nonstop in order to get together those intertwined souls. When the connection broke and the colors disappeared, it meant that days of pain and foreboding were waiting forward.
 It is not known for certain the exact moment when the meaning changed, albeit researchers believe it was around the fall of the Roman Empire, when all the invasions resulted in a cultural reconstruction which led to the loss from much of their costumes.
  CLICK HERE TO DISCOVER HOW TO HAVE THE SOULMATE OF YOUR DREAMS!!!!  
 [~*~]
 The computer made a soft ‘click’ as Virgil closed it and sat on his bed, adjusting slightly his position to stare the three vivid, brilliant stuffed beings contrasting to the general dark theme of his room.
 Virgil growled, resting his back on the cold wall, the shivers calming his flowing thoughts about all the variants this whole thing had. No to mention that people change with time, leading to the souls who they “relate” to change as well, meaning that you can have someone in your life for years and then, one month, or weeks or the next day, you can wake up only to discover you and the said person don’t “match” anymore.
 And NO ONE talked about this just because it was a freak tabu to doesn’t have ‘an only one soulmate who will be with you until the end of your existence’. Oh, for fuck sake. Virgil ran his hand through his hair, wincing when he accidently pulled some tangled strands. That sounds like a line of commercial, does anyone believe that bullshit for real?
 “Hello dear, newer fellow!!” The popping thought broke his line of reasoning, jumping excitedly in his mind and automatically pulling him out of his wanders. It has a strong and full of… about everything, tune demanding attention. Virgil felt a warm kiss on his forehead, meaning one soulmate – a deep part of him turned his attention to the red colored teddy bear, - had given the First Step. The one who in some moment changed his position so now he was sitting on the floor felt his face get hot again, heart thumping strongly in his chest as his arm moved, fingers stopping inches away from the fur, questioning if he was ready to retribute the gesture.
  [~*~]
 Many history icons have reports of being Pluriers, as shown in the book ‘The Romance in the History of Those Who Wrote It’, by historian Henry Senyura. The subject is also beginning to gain more visibility after the protest from the teacher Joan A. in 2010, who got touched towards the situation of some of her pupils being forced to choose only one among their Soulmates for the six-month annual exchange, by the end of that period most of them lost or weakened their bonding due lack of communication, small changes of personality and continuous absence. She held a protest at the front of the school, stating that no one had the right to interfere in ‘matters of the heart’.
 A lot of fiction works are beginning to address the topic more frequently, as in I’m Not One, a movie directed by Devon Stan; The Seven Colors of Rainbow, a book written by Lílian Lee and the psychological analysis Life’s Watch, recently found between drafts by the famous writer Robin Green, published after their husband’s authorization, Josué Green.
 [~*~]
 Logan hummed. As it seems, this was a relatively common thing, since the concept of Soul Mates surpassed the barriers of unity and time, being ‘souls who in a way or other intertwined themselves in some part of their life. Sometimes it didn’t necessarily mean a romantic relationship, as the majority of society and media pointed, but it also didn’t hold any assurance that all of them were platonic.
 He massaged the bridge of his nose. Remy wasn’t in the dorm so everything was silent enough for him to hear his own thoughts.
  It has been a remarkable amount of years since he got his last soulmates, - except for Remy, however they both considered this occurrence as a separate incident - well, until, of course, this day. At least it was a good thing he always carried in his bag extra easy manageable stuffed animals or else maybe the System would dye one of clothes, what would be less than ideal for him in the middle of his philosophy debate. But things got even more interesting when, after his classes, as he arrived at the small, pleasantly well-organized store next to his university, one more stuffed animal colored itself right before him.
 He didn’t exactly understand why. Logan considered himself an owner of a… quite strong, strict personality, this added with his difficulty in managing his and one another emotions usually tended to bring some complex tribulations in his rela-
 Anyway, that is beside the important matter. The one laying his chin on his crossed fingers undid his pose for a bite of time in order to adjust his glasses, barely fixating his gaze on the two plushies in the desk before him, his third – Pat - resting a few centimeters away, closer to Logan’s fingers, who were barely touching. Mind running. Asking, reflecting, wondering what was the exact amount of time to be acceptable to give his First Step?
 ‘The First Step’.
 Logan never really understood from where and how that expression emerged. It didn’t come from the words’ etymology nor some semantic detour. His most concrete hypothesis consisted of the phrase being derived from old romances.
 “Did you know it used to be called the ‘First Kiss’?! But that confused a lot of people who really believed that, to be able to talk and interact with their soulmates they would have to kiss each other, like the Sleeping Beauty! I always got confused in this movie when I was a child, by the way! That ended up messing with a bunch of relationships before they even started, since a lot of peeps don’t feel comfortable enough with strangers kissing them. However, they also speeded up a bunch of them as well…” Logan blinked, his attention escaping from his previous thoughts to the light sky blue plushie of Baby Yoda, for a moment surprised with the sudden input. He felt fingers carefully holding his arms and a bit of ghost movements as Pat probably moved his representation to somewhere else, a hug and warmth engulfing the one yet absolving the new information moments later.
 “That was… enlightening.” His voice danced across the room. Even though he was completely aware they could chat telepathically, the childish act of saying the words out loud still comforted him, in a way. “Thank you for your contribution.”
 He took a deep breath and closed the tab of research on his cellphone, internally thanking from the escaping of his turmoil of thoughts, his free hand carefully combing the Baby Yoda’s head fur, almost methodic.
 “Looo, no!” The other protested with no heat in his tune, leading a toothless smile to resurface in Logan’s features. “Stop doing this. You know I end up sleeping every time!”
 “Oh no, what a tragedy.” He deadpanned, already plugging his phones and changing to a most relaxed position on his chair, his eyes traveling across the countless movies on the device before him. “In which episode did we stop?”
 “I’m going to fight you.” Pat sounded like he was pouting.
 “How so?” Logan asked, trying to hide his amusement.
 Silence followed his words.
 “Pat?”
 “What is the skeleton’s favorite instrument?”
 “Pat, don’t you fucking da-”
 “Language! It’s a xiloBONE!”
 Logan audible growled, fast in his final decision. “I’m going to drop you out the window.”
  “I’m going to hug you!” And immediately the one rolling his eyes felt himself being squished in a strong bear hug, huffing only half annoyed.
 “You are an incorrigible heathen, let me go in this exact instant.” His answer was a ‘butterfly kiss’ – as Pat was fond in calling them – on his forehead. “Urg, affection.” Yet he smiled and mirrored the act, lightly poking the other’s side.
 “We’re on episode 19.”
  [~*~]  
Roman stared the paper, his pencil’s tip stopped in the middle of the biggest petal’s flower, his eyes narrowing in the hope of a clearest way of how to convert the vague idea he had in transforming the night full of stars in a flower. No to tell he also would need to choose a good pallet of colors indication for it, later, and probably re-do all the process over and over and over until got the best result as possible. A yawn found its way from his lips and the designer stretched, getting up to drink a bit of water and rubbing his eyes, wondering if it was really worth it to make a black tea to help him through the night.
 A glimpse of color caught his attention. The navy blue teddy bear on his couch, the main inspiration of his newest tattoo. Roman wondered why it wasn’t resting in front of him while he drew. A corner of his brain, obscured by the tiredness, telling he had a previous good reason for this choice although his actual self carried absolutely no idea of why.
 Well, if he couldn’t remember it, it means the reason wasn’t THAT good, right?
 Roman held the stuffed animal, spinning with it across the room for a couple of minutes, imagining who would be the person behind it. A king, a queen, a non-binary royalty? Did they like Disney? Musicals? Sing? Would they chat for hours at first with a few words exchanged or would they take a bit to warm at each other? Was navy blue their favorite color or…
 Or…
 Navy blue.
 Oh.
 He fixed his glare on the plushie, his hands feeling and slowly drawing in the soft fur of it.
 Navy blue, huh? A humorless chuckled flew in the air. It could have no significance, it could be a world of it. It probably didn’t mean what he, for a moment, a so silly, stupid moment, wished it meant. Of course, one day this would happen, right? It was something normal, something expected. Not the magical, right out of the story books or his old daydreams, occurrence.
 This wasn’t a second chance. The Universe doesn’t give you second chances. He wasn’t the same boy from eleven years ago, holding his own costumed teddy bear crying his eyes out, hugging he – No, it – the closest as possible, wishing with all his heart and soul for the color, the voice, the thoughts, the rambling, their bickering, the forgiveness to come back again.
 No, he grew up. He moved on. He got better.
 Then why did a part of him still felt this way? Like he was about to hear the excited giggles, the soft reprimand, that lovely, deep and so truly -and sometimes boring, Roman had to admit – questions? Why would a part of him still say that he could have it all again if he just… waited long enough, hoped high enough, dreamed long enough…
 …If he was enough.
There aren’t more than seven billion colors in the world. Roman would be stupid if he really believed there was a path where he wouldn’t stumble in that so (un)fortunate well-known shade of blue again.
 Roman growled, his forehead making a loud, dry thumping sound as hit his desk. The one who should be asleep hours ago had absolutely no energy to battle against those thoughts, again. At least for now. He rubbed his eyes and stared at the teddy bear laid on the cold tabletop before him. Well, what a better way to get rid of your own means thoughts than put some stranger’s unpredictable thoughts in the middle of it? Roman slightly pushed the bunch of flowers and some warmup sketches he had out of the way, carefully carrying the representation next to him, nodding. Honestly, that was the best idea he had for a while, why did he even put the lovely thing away?
 Awake Roman was so silly, thinking that… something he couldn’t quite recall right now would be a bad idea, he pointed as snorted softly, pressing his lips on the teddy’s forehead, the quote he knew by heart flying from them in a natural flow.
 “It is not immortal, since it’s flame. But let it be infinite while it lasts.”
 A warm sensation rested on his own forehead moments later, leading the sleepy form to hum happily.
 “Is it… poetry?” Oh shit, Roman widened his eyes. His soulmate heard that?? Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. Roman mentally facepalmed himself. So that was why he usually said it before the First Step!
 “Uhh, yeah. Of course. Fidelity Sonnet by Vinícius Moraes.”
 “I see. Classicism, I presume. A literature of very soundly pleasant rhymes, indeed. The first sonnet was probably created by the humanist Italian poet Francesco Petrarca, although it got even more known in the western literature after the works of Camões, who- ”
 “He is from Modernism, actually.” Roman didn’t know why he suddenly sounded so defensive. Logan felt a cold feeling run his body when the other’s hands let go of him, for a piece of second wondering if it was supposed for him to do the same with the red narwhal plushie on his hold.
 “A very common mistake to make due the lack of context.” He retorted, unable to formulate another answer. He had, of course, thought, balanced options and chosen the best topics to discuss with his new soulmates when they bonded. However, his fingers firmly gripped the pen, its tip tapping on the first topic written in the notebook partially forgotten in front of him, the poetry figuratively threw him out of his tracks, leading the decision to be the most impartial as possible due his… not so impartial past memories with that specific shade of red an even more difficult task than it already was.
 “Yes. Sure. Sorry, I- I’m just… very tired right now.”
 “You should go sleep, then.”
 The other snorted with the direct, immediate response. “I should, shouldn’t I? Gotta work, though.”
 Some part of Logan’s brain registered the new fact, separating and keeping it in a special place so he would remember to write it down in the new folder he bought, later.
 “I see.” … poetry? That wasn’t a hard topic to talk about. The one now nervously cleaning the very clear lenses twisted his mouth. He could talk about this for hours. No, correction: he already had previously talked about this for hours non stop.
 Logan strangely felt the urge to rub his face and scream. It has been years, - eleven years and 10 months to be precise – and exactly eight years since the one wearing glasses learned poetry because of him. Because of his constant habit of reciting Shakespeare before they would go to bed, until Logan brought himself to research and decorate all the poems he could muster, taking the task to now wake Prince – the name still carried a strong taste in his tongue – in the same way every single day. Before they realize, that becomes something between them. There were times when both didn’t talk, content in only reciting some verses and hear the other complete them. A part of Logan, that illogical and unfortunately full of feelings one wondered how their rap battles would be if they found each other right now.
 Did Prince even maintain his liking the same things he one day did? Does he still recite poetry? Does he maintain the same dreams? The same habits?  Does he even remember about him?
 Highly improbable.
 “You can call me Lo.”
 Roman slowly blinked, getting out the fog surrounding his brain to realize he was mindless staring at the pan’s boiling water, surprised the other still there. Well, it seems like he hasn't screwed terribly everything yet.
 “Lo? Like Lowrance?”
 “Even though my name does contain ‘Lo’ in it, no. It’s ‘Lo’ like Logic. I came to believe it’s a good idea the nomination after a predominant characteristic, since we can’t actively exchange our real names through the Soulmate System.”
 Roman’s breath hitched, a memory with yellow-ish edges and nostalgic smell unrolling in front of him.
 …
 ‘I think we should choose you a name with more personality in it, ya know?’ He threw himself on his bed, kicking his legs on the air before immediately scoping the plushie and laying it on his stomach. ‘Like a characteristic!’
 ‘I don’t see what is wrong with the nickname I choose.’
 ‘No, no! There is nothing wrong with it! But that could be something just between us!’ Then he gasped, picturing that, if he was inside a movie there would be a lamp shining right above his hair in this moment. ‘We could call you Ro!! You wanted to be a robot, right?’
 His soulmate growled and Roman felt a few pokes on his arm, the verbal protest doesn’t taking long before accompanying it. ‘I was three years old!’
 ‘And I’m never letting you live this down.’ He beamed, both knowing the annoyed scoff he got as response held no real heat. ‘Besides, we could even match our names!!’
 ‘That would be very counterproductive.’ Roman felt his hair being softly smoothed, a usual indication the other was losing himself in his thoughts. ‘Nicknames are supposed to help us. Having two equal names is not the most efficient thing.’
 Roman dramatically scoffed, picking the stuffed animal and half hugging it, his free hand occupying itself in making a couple of gestures to no one, since his soulmate couldn’t exactly see them. ‘It’s not about being productive, Bear! It’s about feelings!!’
 ‘And since when,’ a light poke was delivered on his belly, making him squeak and mess with the teddy bear’s hair in revenge ‘Everything isn’t feelings for you, your highness?’
 …
 “Okay,” Roman and his self past disappearing with the fading memory said, in synchrony “You shall call me by Prince, then.”
 Suddenly he felt himself falling, his hands quickly holding on the tabletop as the cold, nauseous feeling took over his stomach, more like a punch on it, his veins being filled with amounts of adrenaline for a glimpse of a second.
 “Excuse me? Warn a guy next time you decide to just drop his representation, dude! Damn.” Roman shook himself, trying to bring his body to calm down.
 “Sorry, I got… startled.” Logan gulped. The word ‘Prince’ echoing on his mind as a broken vinyl disc. What were the chances? That couldn’t be such a common nickname, right? Nor color. Nor interests. What were the chances? What could be the chances? Maybe he was just projecting, being played, tricked by a dangerous partnership between his own brain and emotions. Maybe he was just jumping to conclusions due the nostalgic feeling fogging his actions, his thoughts. Perhaps-
 “Hey, Lo? Are you there?”
 “Yes.” Logan answered, his fingertips colliding quickly with the fabric of his pants as he visualized his options. “Yes, I am.”
 “Hm. Okay, then. I’m… glad to know.”
 Silence. Logan took a wobbly breath.
 “Time hath, my lord, a wallet at his back; Wherein he puts alms for oblivion; A great-size monster of ingratitudes:”
  “Those scraps are good deeds past; which are devour'd; As fast as they are made, forgot as soon.” Roman continued without even noticing until the words danced in the air, just like the years haven’t passed.
 Then he understood.
  His heart stopped for a second, his eyes widening and his voice disappearing, as if his whole being was afraid to break the moment, the spell; as if this was a dream and a miscalculate step would make everything fade.
 “Bear?” Roman felt a light poke on his cheek.
 “Hello, Prince.”
 Roman choked a laugh, quickly crawling the teddy bear next to his chest, hugging it both firmly and yet so caring, curling around its - no, him - feeling an equal warmth involve his form as he hided his face on the soft fur, giggling and hugging, feeling so happy, so alive and right and good and he would never, ever, ever again let him go.
 “I missed you, bitch. Never scare me like this again.”
 “I… missed you, as well.” Logan tried to not let the emotion take over his tune, his hand petting the narwhal plushie softly, the words had abandoning him, as it seems. “This reunion is a… good surprise.”
 “Oh, shut up, I know you’re having a blast somewhere in that logic soul of yours, too.”
 Logan huffed, grinning. “Stop crying on my hair, your troglodyte.”
 “Make me, I dare you.”
 “Always so dramatic.” They both rolled their eyes, letting the moment be bathed in the deep waters of a comfortable silence.
 “Eleven years.”
 “We have so, so much to talk about!! Oh, my goodness gracious, I’m going to get my tea. Do you remember about that play I wrote about zombie princes and a dragon witch? You will NOT fucking believe what happened with it!”
 “Good thing I have you to explain to me then.” Roman stopped, a gigantic smile taking over his features as he closed his eyes to feel everything even more.
 “Yeah, I agree.”
 Somewhere in the world Patton and Virgil smiled during their sleep, unable to control themselves when a gigantic wave of pure joy and delight filled every corner of their hearts, coloring it on the most brilliant gleam, just like their stuffed animals resting peacefully on their grip.
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memoriesoflastwords · 4 years ago
Text
Seacrow
for the amazing adventure @grishaversebigbang has been 👀
before going ahead, please do check out the amazing art made by @chaosvvolf (Inej and her crew, here) and @artzy-lia-art (Inej on her way to Ketterdam, here). working with them truly has been a bliss!
I also wanted to thank @sopsopart, @niecity and @tricewithaz, despite not having had the chance to get to the end of the event with them. the sharing of ideas opinions has been more than enough, and I look forward to the day our roads meet again.
and a thanks to @sheitha, too, for being by my side during the Mini BB, and helping me come out with the plot!
summary: Nastya has only recently joined the Wraith after escaping, thanks to Inej, from a slaver ship. She's cautious, as she can sense something's wrong, and the meeting with one of her slavers can't but scare her even more. Someone's looking for Inej. To take her down. To take everything she's ever built down with the myth the Wraith is. That's why Inej moves to Ketterdam, to look for help, answers, unknowing of the growing fear amongst her people...
Ao3 link (it's a multi chapter fic, so do remember to swipe and go on with the reading if you don't wanna miss anything!): click here
Nastya still didn’t feel quite at ease on the Wraith. She realized, of course, her current situation was better than the one she had found herself into on the slavers’ ships just hours before, but Nastya’s movements were still stiff under Orghana’s caring watch.
Since she had set foot on the ship, she had done nothing but spark flames, although not in a literal way. She had bit Orghana’s finger, caused to ship to almost wreck, yet Inej – that was the Captain’s name – hadn’t hesitated. She had welcomed her. What mattered most, she had realized how unsafe she felt when someone made contact with her skin.
Nastya knew she was supposed to be grateful.
Orghana, the Shu girl, had brought her into one of the cabins, showing her a free place she could sleep in, smiling and seemingly happy about her presence despite still having her finger covered in blood. Despite what Inej had told her, she had decided not to go see their Heartrender. After all, she was no Healer, and to tire her for a bitten finger was not needed.
“Come.” Orghana had let her look around before moving towards the back of the cabin. “I’m guessing we can find you something else to wear. Your clothes smell of fish.”
Nastya had decided not to let her know the cabin was what smelled of fish, not her clothing. There was no reason to be obnoxious, after all, when Orghana had done nothing but try and be of help. Nastya still was decided to be cautious, of course, but not obnoxious.
That’s how she had found herself back out, under the night sky, breathing in cold air and looking at how little clouds came out of her lips and nose. That alone fascinated her way more than any aspect of the small science. Grisha had to concentrate for things to happen. Some of them more, some of them less. Nature? Nature simply had to exist in order to be magnificent under every point of view.
She felt cold in the tunic Orghana had found for her, with the promise of finding a pair of pants and a blouse as soon as possible, but it wasn’t uncomfortable, after all. It almost felt like home, in Chernast, not that far from the Permafrost.
She breathed in and out once more, the little cloud remembering her of when she was little, playing in the snow with her mother, pretending her breath was an ice dragon’s fire. How long had passed since those carefree days, how far was she from home now?
“The Captain threw a party.” she hadn’t realized Orghana had never left her side. Inej’s orders, probably. Not to risk another problem on board. “She called it a party, but it’s nothing more than dinner. However, there are some waffle lookalike.”
Nastya found herself studying the Shu girl, her short brown hair, her unperfectly cut bangs and gentle eyes, before nodding. Orghana had asked her nothing, but she wanted to know whether or not she was joining the crew for dinner. At least, that’s what Nastya imagined.
“I’m starving.” she added, as to avoid any possible misunderstanding.
Orghana smiled, her bangs covering her left eye, and sticked her hand out towards Nastya.
The Grisha stiffened, unsure whether or not she trusted her new comrade enough to let their skin touch. No. No, she didn’t. She looked for pockets to hide her hands in, finding none, standing still, a slight amount of panic running through her veins.
And Orghana noticed, or remembered Inej’s words, or both, because she stood back. “Sorry. An habit of mine.” she pointed out to a winding staircase bringing below deck. “Let’s go. I’m starving as well, and my fine nose tells me there’s some fish cooking.”
Nastya frowned before walking on the slippery wood, making her way towards the staircase. Hadn’t there been fish cooking while at sea, there probably would’ve been a problem.
Needless to say, Orghana had been right. As soon as they had reached the big room used as a dining hall, Nastya’s nostrils were filled with the familiar smell of fried fish, and the comfortable one of the dough used to make waffles. Would anyone have found it disgusting, had she mixed up the two? She hadn’t lied, when she had told Orghana she was starving.
“Sit with Mbali there!” Orghana was about to touch her elbow to catch her attention, but moved back as soon as her fingers touched the tunic. “I’ll get food for us both.”
Nastya nodded, looking at how quickly Orghana moved towards the makeshift buffet before finding Mbali among the crowd.
She wasn’t the only dark skinned girl, but she towered the others, and seemed to be a focal point for the girls living on the Wraith.
Nastya sat by her side in silence, wishing for Mbali to remember, as Orghana initially hadn’t, she would rather not be touched, or hugged in greeting.
Mbali smiled, white teeth in contrast with her night-coloured skin. “So Orghana did manage to find you something to wear!” she looked at the tunic. “The laundry girls are giving us our clothes back tomorrow. We’ll find something more appropriate for a pirate as soon as they do. Can you imagine fighting against slavers in a tunic?”
Nastya actually could. After all, most of her capabilities were in her hands, in her teeth. Biting and using the small science were all she could do during a battle, attack, or even play-fight. She had spent too little time in Os Alta to really learn how to use weapons, or her body as if it was made of steel.
“Here I am!”
Nastya’s eyes traced Orghana immediately, on the other side of the table. She was playing the tightrope walker with three full plates, two in her hands, one barely standing on her head. Nastya could already imagine all that food falling when one of the plates was placed in front of her, nostrils once back full of what she was ready to swear was the best smell of the world. How long had it been since her last real meal? She couldn’t remember eating anything but sardine scraps and dry bread on the slavers’ ship. She tucked her fingers into the fried fish, little caring about what Mbali and Orghana would’ve thought of her, willing to be called a savage, an uncivilized beast, as long it meant having her belly full of real, warm food.
“It’s horrible.”
Nastya froze as soon as she heard that word. Was it really happening, then? She had thought so, but hadn’t really believed for her new comrades to judge her for the way she was eating. She bit her lower lip, covered in the fish’s oil, looked at Mbali. “What’s horrible?” she said, unable to pretend she didn’t care.
“How those slavers treated you.” Mbali shook her shoulders, using a waffle’s edge to accompany a piece of fish. “When we got word of a Grisha girl trapped in some slavers’ hands, we didn’t get many details. Not at first. We had to puzzle together the informations we managed to get from other slavers, and some merchants.”
Nastya suddenly felt comfortable enough to start eating again, caring little about the way her fingers were now covered in little scraps of her food. She kept her eyes on Mbali, wanting to know how, why Inej had been so interested in finding her, saving her. She was an Eterealki, of course, capable of making the ship move despite there being little to no wind, but was that all?
“We had just left Bhez Ju. We were supposed to go to Ketterdam, it felt like time for a little vacation away from the sea.” noticing how deep in the story Nastya was, Mbali went on. “We were not far from the land, were we?”
Orghana shook her hand. “We’d been at sea for less than two hours. We were still adjusting the sails.”
“A small ship crossed the Wraith. Someone having to talk with the Wraith. Inej didn’t want our plans to change, at the beginning, we’d already been moving around for months, it was just time for a little bit of rest.” Mbali sucked the oil off her fingers, and Nastya found her plate to be almost empty, already. Her stomach growled. “Inej didn’t tell us much, at first. Only that we’d have to go a little off route, moving towards the Bone Road before turning back to Kerch.”
“The Bone Road?” Nastya blinked. Rusalye’s home. She knew the legends. “Is that where we are now?”
Mbali shook her head, getting up and taking both her plate and Nastya’s. “No. We were lucky enough to find your ship first.” she said, before moving back towards the buffet.
Nastya looked at Orghana, trying to understand properly what had happened, under what circumstances she had been saved. “Lucky? Why? Rusalye’s not there anymore, it’s cold, but it’s not dangerous, for what I…”
“We aren’t really fully-equipped for cold temperatures, right now. That’s one of the reasons we had to stop in Ketterdam, to buy some warmer clothing, some dried food.” Orghana explained, her plate still full. She handed Nastya half a waffle. “Inej wanted to find you. No one’s ever left behind, that’s our philosophy, no matter how hard it is to fight. We fight, knives and pistols, and always come back to each other.”
That felt like family.
And that blocked Nastya from eating even just another bite of food. That felt like what she had promised her family before going to Os Alta, to come back, as soon as she could, to stay by her parents’ side, to work on the vegetable garden when they were too old to break ice and turn the soil.
“Now that we found you, we can go to Ketterdam. Or maybe we won’t, and we’ll stop in Novyi Zem. I have to admit it’s not really clear to me whether we are closer to Weddle or Gjela, right now, but I guess we’ll know soon enough.” Orghana tilted her head, noticing how Nastya had stopped eating. “Are you all right?”
Nastya wanted to nod. After all, she was. She was alive, and she had just eaten the best food in months, and she had clean clothes on, a bed, comrades that could be friends. But was that enough? Was safety enough for her, or did she want to go home, set foot off the ship forever and go home in Chernast making of the sea a distant nightmare? She wanted her mother’s quick fingers braiding her hair, her father’s soup cooking on the low fire, her siblings’ laughter stopping her from getting a good night’s sleep. Nastya wanted to nod, wanted to be grateful, but being alive and safe was not enough. She wanted to be home, as well. And that still looked unreachable.
“Nastya?”
How had that happened? How had she found herself at sea? She had no memory of it, and although the long, jagged wound on her head’s back was enough to justify a memory leak, she was not ready to admit it to herself just yet. She had been in Os Alta, training, and then she had been on a ship, fighting with chipped nails and week knees against too many men, and with too little Grisha by her side. She had been the last one standing. She had been the first surrendering. She found no pride in any of the actions.
“Nastya, are you listening to me?”
She blinked, noticing how Mbali was once more in her visual range, a light in her eyes she couldn’t but call joy. “No.” she admitted, frowning. “What’s going on?”
“One of the slavers is in the Captain’s quarters.” Mbali didn’t seem bothered by how she had to say things twice in order for Nastya to listen to her. “She wants to question him, process him for what he’s done in these years. But she wants you to be present when she does.”
To see one of the men who had took her freedom from her, who had took her possibility to go back home from her. To make questions, to claim answers, to fill the gaps her memory loss had gifted her. The light in Nastya’s eyes didn’t mirror Mbali’s joy. That was desire for vengeance.
“Tell the Captain I’ll be there as soon as she needs me to.”
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sunbird-tells-stories · 4 years ago
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Some dumb Team Spicer OT3 headcanons no one wants to hear but I’m gonna say them anyways:
Jack has a thing with personal space and doesn’t like being touched by pretty much anyone and hates physical contact as a whole, except for maybe hugs from Mom. However, he’s severely touch-starved and the more he falls for Jermaine and Timber, the more he not only allows for physical contact from both of them, but he initiates it too. Sitting closer to them, leaning on their shoulder, that sort of thing.
Eventually when they do become a thing he then becomes this barnacle that is always hugging or leaning or lounging on one of them at all times. They’re his safe space and he shows it by being close to them.
I’m still debating on whether Timber’s short hair becomes a permanent look, but I like to think that if it becomes long again, Jack has a habit of playing with it and petting it because it’s so soft and fluffy. And because it’s Jack, Timber let’s him.
Since one is a martial artist and the other is a wilderness nut,Jermaine and Timber are both pretty physically strong. And Jack 👏 is 👏 here 👏 for 👏 it 👏 He’s into physical strength.
Before Xiaolin training Jack is pretty wimpy and nowhere near as physically fit as he should be because he spends most of his time building robots in a lab. Since he’s so slow and kind of a load in an emergency, Timber often just picks him up and carries him. He pretends to hate it and won’t stop complaining when she does it, but he actually kind of likes being carried around like that. He’s always lowkey impressed by it.
He has tried or will try carrying her just to get back at her and it never ends well.
Jermaine is the strongest of Team Spicer and can carry both of his partners. However since he’s also the shortest member he rarely does it because it’s way too easy to lose balance.
Timber never really played any sport except hockey because...well, because Canada (and also no friends), but I like to think that Jermaine teaches her how to play basketball and she just loves it. She likes playing it and when he finally takes her to a game she likes watching it too. Jermaine loves the way it brings out her competitive spirit and her sense of wonder as a whole.
Jermaine’s favorite things about Timber are her enthusiasm, her curiosity, her creativity, her ability to stand on her own two feet, her outspokenness, her wild nature (pun intended), her wilderness skills, her thirst for adventure and knowledge and her smile.
His favorite things about Jack are his innovative nature, his feistiness, his intelligence, his competitiveness, the cute and silly faces he makes when he’s sketching out new blueprints for one of his inventions, his eyes, his awkward and adorkable moments, his defiant nature and the way he just doesn’t quit no matter what life throws at him.
Jermaine also likes Timber’s laugh and Jack’s smile. Neither of them are prone to laughing or smiling and as they grow closer Jermaine makes a point to try to get each one to do both. He genuinely wants to see these two disasters realize how beautiful and amazing and incredible they really are.
Slight spoilers but Jermaine ends up suffering from nightmares after the events of MW! due to reasons I won’t go into. He’s alright but healing is a slow process and it takes time to get over trauma, and the nightmares are intense and leave him in a cold sweat and make it hard for him to get some rest. The only way he feels safe enough to go back to sleep is if he’s with Jack and Timber. So for a long time after the fic, the three have nightly sleepovers so Jermaine can actually get some sleep. He wakes up, freaks out, talks it out with them, sometimes Timber makes him some tea with her super potent lavender and chamomile flowers and after they just all fall back asleep.
Jack is the first to catch Feelings. Next is Timber. Jermaine, for all his virtues, is incredibly thick and can’t seem to understand that both of the people in his party are crushing on him pretty hard. Sadly it’s because he doesn’t really think he’s good enough for anyone to like him.
In this universe, Jack and Jermaine are both bi, but only Jack is aware of his own orientation. Jermaine is not. At least, not for long.
Jack’s color motif is mostly black, Timber’s color motif is mostly blue and Jermaine’s is mostly red with yellow accents. Why?
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They’re the colors of the poly flag :)
Spoiler but once they start dating, everyone’s in a tizzy about it. But hands down the person who is most shocked and/or disturbed by this turn of events is...Chase Young. Despite the fact that he used the boy as a pawn in a scheme, he did get somewhat attached to Jermaine. He was after all a good student and Chase is honorable enough to respect legit talent and effort. The moment he hears that his talented former Apprentice is dating both the student of his oldest rival AND Jack freaking Spicer, he goes through all five stages of grief before running straight to the Xiaolin Temple, finding Jermaine and telling him “I’m sorry for your loss”.
As you can imagine, Jermaine isn’t pleased.
You better believe I have an entire YouTube playlist dedicated to this ship, but this one in particular, and this particular mix made for this AMV, is definitely one of my favorite songs for their ship. https://youtu.be/SYcODDcNSIk
youtube
Timber’s family is dysfunctional and abusive, and Jack’s family is distant and neglectful, if well intentioned. So I like to think they both find a healthy family dynamic in Jermaine’s mom, grandmother and older sister.
They try to keep their relationship a secret from anyone outside the Temple, but eventually their families find out. Jermaine’s family is very supportive, but you better believe Ivory grilled Jack and Timber pretty hard once she realized these two idiots were in a relationship with her baby brother. But eventually they do have a supportive dynamic with each other (with Timber slightly more successful than Jack on the grounds that Jack is a show off and Ivory doesn’t like show offs).
Jack’s Dad is shocked and doesn’t really know how to handle it but since Jack is genuinely happy for once in his life he’s got no beef and just quietly lets them be - with one exception. Jack’s Dad is relatively famous and in the news all the time, so he’s used to being paparazzi fodder and having tabloids spin stuff on him. But the moment they try to belittle Jack for his relationship with his partners, Jason puts an end to it. IMMEDIATELY. Jason may not understand his son, but he will always love him.
Jack’s mom is devastated, but not because he’s poly - it’s because as a hardcore supporter of Jack getting married and giving her lots of grandkids to spoil (she’s that kind of mom), she’s been budgeting his future wedding for years, LITERAL YEARS, so that the moment he finds The One, they can get hitched with no fuss. And now suddenly she has to budget for a whole other person. One and a half decades of planning RUINED.
Timber’s mom and step-dad.....even I’m not sure. But Kallik and Hanta still care about their sister, even if they’re terrible at showing it. And once they get wind of what’s happening, Timber’s brothers get overprotective and overstep their boundaries in an effort to drive off these “playboys” from toying with their sister’s heart. That is, until Timber puts them in their place.
I like to think that Kallik and Hanta eventually do find a way get along with Jack and Jermaine, if only for the fact they can watch over Timber when they can’t....but it’s a slow process. After all, they’re still working on repairing their relationship with their sister.
Poly families exist in real life (and happily so depending on the family) so maybe when the members of Team Spicer are all grownups and are at a good age to start a family, they get married and have kids? I dunno. It’s a hypothetical situation for now since the whole “Xiaolin Dragon” thing is more or less a lifelong deal and that would get in the way of raising kids. But I like to think that if they do have kids, they have a boy named Jake who raises a lot of Hell (like his birth Dad), and a girl named Jazmine who likes to kick evil’s butt (like her birth Dad).
Slightly spoilery but our Team each end up with an army of their own - Jack has his robots, Timber has her plants and Jermaine has loyal jungle cat soldiers. So if they did have kids, those would hands down be the most well protected kids on the face of the earth. Also maybe the most...interesting, since being raised with killer robots, killer plants and dangerous animals might make for some unnaturally fearless kids.
Jermaine is the glue that holds them all together. Jack and Timber come to love each other dearly but Jermaine is so influential to the both of them that neither one can imagine life without him.
Same with Jermaine and both of them. Timber and Jack are both crazy, they’re both stubborn, they’re both unpredictable, they cause trouble and break rules and he never knows what they’re gonna do next - and he loves that about them.
You know that person in the relationship that steals the other person’s hoodies to wear them? That’s Jack. And he doesn’t even say sorry.
Jack likes to flirt and tease Jermaine and Timber but when either of them reciprocate he gets all flustered and tsundere.
Jack and Timber both have jealousy issues but neither of them compare to Jermaine’s. He gets majorly angry when someone flirts with or gets too close to either of them - he just hides it well and is smart enough to know that Jack/Timber weren’t asking for it.
Jermaine is very protective and sometimes even overprotective. It’s an issue he’s gonna need to let go of.
Jermaine is pretty short for a boy and Timber is very tall for a girl. Jermaine doesn’t have issues about it, Timber does...but if anyone insults either of them, Jack throws hands. Like seriously he will fight you if you make a nasty comment about their height.
You see these three often chilling with each other because they are each other’s safe space.
Because they fell in love with each other while traveling the world, their idea of a date together is grabbing the Tiger Claws, warping to a random location and exploring it together. It’s a tradition they keep up even as they get older.
They genuinely love and care for each other very, very much.
That’s all for now but I have more headcanons for these guys. Trust me.
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the-mykie-show · 6 years ago
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The Storm (Neganxreader)
When a storm blows Negan's cell door open you're the first thing he does.
Requested by @lokis-imaginary-friend
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*Warnings* Negan's potty mouth, graphic descriptions of sex.
*Rating* explicit
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You never understood why you needed a bodyguard to accompany you to deliver Negan’s food. Yes, you had heard the horrible things he had done, Rick had told you before you agreed to take the job of being his caretaker, but he was always a perfect gentleman to you. Well, despite the occasional lewd comment, the use of “fuck” as a coma in his vocabulary, and near constant dick jokes, but what else would you expect from a man who hadn’t gotten in laid in years? And he never threatened you, never even made you feel uncomfortable. Yet every time you went down to his cell, you had to be accompanied by whatever brawny man with a gun was available at the time.
You didn’t like it, you didn’t like the way they always stared at you like you had just slapped them in the face when you were actually nice to Negan.
Nobody else but you in the Alexandria Safe Zone was ever kind to Negan, they simply threw him food and water, and cleaned up after him twice a day and left him to his own devices for the rest of the day. Like he was some vicious stray dog, forgotten and unwanted, when really he was more like a lost puppy that got kicked to much and lashed out one to many times.
It made you sad for him, so you started talking with him, swapping stories, forming inside jokes, telling eachother things about yourselves that nobody else knew, and bringing him small gifts.
You would never forget the puzzled way Michonne looked at you when you had given Negan a small hanging plant.
Was it really so hard for these people to understand that he was a person too?
You always managed to separate yourself from your shadow at least once a week to just let Negan talk to someone without being handcuffed to bars, or having a gun on him. Those were the moments he was the most himself.
Those were the moments that you understood how he become a leader...and why five women all decided to marry him, he was charming, funny, and still somehow attractive despite having not had a proper shower in probaldy years.
He had a way of always putting you at ease and making you laugh.
You didn't even care that your relationship with Negan made you distrusted in your community and turned you into a popular subject of gossip.
You glance out your window and see that a storm is rolling in, the wind is picking up, and lightning illuminates the sky from dark clouds on the horizon. You wonder if you should go bring Negan an extra blanket, and offer to cover his window to keep the rain out.
You start to turn away from the window to make your way to the lienin closet when something catches your eye.
A figure standing in the corner of the window
Why would anyone be out in this storm?
Then you realize that it isn't a figure outside, it's a reflection from inside.
Your blood runs ice cold, someone is in your house. You reach for your hip where your gun would usually be only to remember you'd taken it off to settle in for the night. You're on your own, without even a weapon.
Too frightened to even turn around you watch as the figure advances on you, and slowly you begin to recognize the dark blue prison jumpsuit and close cropped dark hair. Your intruder is Negan.
He must've escaped the cell and come here. But why? What was he going to do to you? What had he already done to other members of the community who were responsible for putting him in the cell?
Your fight or flight response kicks in and you choose flight. You make a run for the kitchen, and manage to grab a knife from the island as you back into the corner against the counter.
Negan approaches the kitchen door, he looks confused.
“don't come any closer!” you order, branching the knife.
“Okay, okay I won't.” he assures you calmly, raising his hands in an effort to show he means you no harm.
“Why are you here?”
“Gabriel left my cell unlocked. The door blew open in the storm, you were the first person I thought to come to. I'm sorry I scared you.”
“Why would you come here? Why wouldn't you run?”
“I wanted to see you, you're the only person who doesn't want to see me dead in this hell hole.” looking in his eyes you can see his words are genuine.
“You haven't hurt anyone?” you ask.
“No, and I don't plan to. Least of all you.” you drop your knife on the counter top, and he sighs in relief dropping his hands to his sides. “I understand if you have to lock me up again but I had to see you, just once without bars between us or a gun to my head.” it's your turn to sigh in relief.
“You scared the living shit out of me!” you scold him and smack his shoulder.
He laughs a little “Sorry, it wasn't my intention but in hindsight I can see where sneaking into your house and creeping up on you like fucking Michael Myers wasn't my best idea.”
“Yeah, no shit Sherlock. I could've shot you!” you pause for a moment. “What's your plan now?”
“I don't know, didn't really have time to think about it.”
“You better think fast. You don't have long before they realize that you got out.” he looks shocked.
“You mean you aren't going to lock me back up.”
You shake your head “What you did all those years ago was fucked up, but you've served your sentence, you don't deserve to be in that cell anymore.” before you even know what's happening Negan's arms are around you, holding you tight.
“Thank you.” his voice breaks, and you can tell he's almost crying he's so grateful. You hug him back, and you know you're making the right decision by the way he leans into your touch. So starved of touch and affection this simple embrace is the greatest thing in the world to him.
“I wouldn't hurt you, ever, you know that right?” he whispers into your hair, kissing the top of your head.
“I do now.” he pulls back from the embrace slightly to look down at you, raising his hand to brush the side of your face, he's staring at you with longing in his eyes. You realize what he wants, and realize that you want it too, raising up on your toes you press your lips to his softly. Letting out a gasp of surprised pleasure he returns the kiss in full. One of his hands tangling in your hair, using the other against your back to pull you closer.
The kiss heats up quickly, and within minutes his tongue is exploring your mouth and his hands are on your ass, lifting you onto the counter top and then sliding under your shirt. You wrap your legs around his waist as his hands brush the underside of your breasts, moaning into your mouth when he feels you aren't wearing a bra.
You feel him grow hard between your legs, and you reach the buttons on his prison uniform, unsnapping them all at once and running your hands down the t-shirt underneath it.
He breaks the kiss. “wait a second… Do You really want this? I mean really? Not because you feel sorry for me, I don't you want you to give me anything of yourself out of pity.”
“I want this, I want to be with you even if it's just once.”
He nods and his hands go to the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head, you lean back on the countertop, while Negan takes in your body, his hands slowly sliding all over your bare torso, a sigh of pleasure slips between your lips when his fingers brush over your nipples. He suddenly pulls you off the countertop, plopping down in a bar stool with you between his legs, he pulls you to his body and his mouth finds your nipple, sucking the erect bud into his mouth. Moaning as his tongue swirls around it, you bite your lip to hold in your own moans as your hands grip his shoulders and grab at his hair.
“Goddamn you taste good.” he practically groans.
“Why don't we take this to the bedroom?”
“Fuck yeah!” you lead him to your bed, both of you stripping off your clothes as you go.
When you touch his chest you can feel every one of his ribs, you knew he didn't eat well, but you didn't realize he was this thin. You don't say anything, just lean back on the bed and let him pull off your panties.
His hands plant themselves firmly on the inside of your thighs and he spreads your legs staring at your body with pure lust in his eyes.
“You're so fucking beautiful, Y/N, inside and out.”
You grab him and roll you both over so you're on top without a word, you pull his boxers off, take his already hard cock in your hand. Pumping him slowly a few times. You're already more than wet enough, you grip him by the base and slide yourself down onto him. The he lets out a satisfied moan, as if he was experiencing this for the first time, his eyes fall closed as you start to ride him.
“Fuck! you feel good.”
Soft moans of pleasure falling from both your lips as you fuck yourself until you feel the coil of your orgasm building, his hips meeting yours every time.
“I can't hold off much longer.” he says through gritted teeth.
“I'm close too.” the coil snaps after a few more hard thrusts.
“Can I come inside you?” he asks breathlessly.
“Yes.” you moan, fucking yourself through your orgasm.
almost at the same time Negan lets out a deep moan and you feel him fill you up with hot spurts of come. Once he's finished you let his softening cock slip from your folds and flop down next to him.
“That was amazing,” he says, leaning over to press kisses up and down your neck “I never thought I'd feel a woman's touch again, let alone come in anything that isn't my own hand.” he kisses your lips softly “thank you, for not only this, but for your kindness.” you just nod and let him keep touching you.
“Damn your skins’ soft.” he touches you almost reverently, like you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.
The way he looks at you tells you this is about to be goodbye.
“You need to go, don't you.”
He nods. “I don't want to leave you, but I can't go back to that cell.”
“I know.” you touch his face and smile and softly.
And then you look into his eyes, and you see something that you never thought you'd find in the apocalypse… love. You know then that you can't leave him.
“Okay, let's go.”
Tagging: @neganssavior-fanfiction @ariasnyder @negans-network
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kusunogatari · 5 years ago
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[ ObiRyū October | Day Twenty: The Routine; Step by Step ] [ @abyssaldespair ] [ Uchiha Obito, Suigin Ryū, Uchiha Sachiko ] [ Verse: The World’s a Stage ] [ Previous || Next ]
Six weeks. Six weeks he had to stay in that hospital, waiting for the singed and melted flesh to heal. The only things that made it bearable were the visits he got. Primarily from his grandmother, but also from Ryū...and eventually, to his honest surprise, Kakashi.
Their reunion had been rather...awkward, at first. And Kakashi admitted that he’d been at least partially prompted by Ryū to show up. But it had been a long time coming, the pair sitting and talking about all that had happened for hours. Rin, the accident, their falling out...and then the fire.
Ryū had waited down in the hospital’s cafe, giving the boys their privacy. Only once texted that it was over did she come back up, smiling wearily as they both gave looks of tired accomplishment.
...but his wounds weren’t his only punishment.
Arson in the first degree. Depending on factors the prosecutor wants to bring forward, he could - in theory - face up to life in prison, and a fifty-thousand dollar fine. Stack that on top of his hospital bills and a lawyer...and things aren't looking good.
His grandmother insists the bills don’t matter - she’s just glad he made it out alive, even if it was his fault to begin with. Ryū sets up a fundraiser, and they manage to bring in a few thousand dollars, but...that’s really just a few drops in the pail.
Court is a terrifying thing. As legal jargon is tossed around and his fate decided by someone else, Obito can do little more than be truthful. Admit to his anger, explain its roots, plead that he’s more than learned his lesson.
The building he burned was condemned, but still legally considered a residence. In the end...he’s given seven years jail time, tried and prosecuted as an adult, being eighteen.
“We’ll visit whenever we can,” they tell him - his grandmother, Kakashi, Ryū. And still they try to find funding for his remaining bills, legal and medical alike.
For the most part, his stint in the joint is...unremarkable. The first year is filled with visits from all three, and even a few other students who feel sympathy. But then Kakashi and Ryū start college, and their arrivals dwindle. Depression on the rise, Obito just...slogs through it, day by day, unsure what he’s going to do when he gets out. Hell...he wasn’t sure what he was going to do before he started that fire. He had no direction, no goal...just anger and sadness and a tight grip on his past...without any thought to his future.
He tries to reflect. Tries to look forward. But there isn’t much for him to glean.
For good behavior, they shave off his last six months. At age twenty-five, Obito is released from prison.
...and he has no idea where to go from here.
By some miracle, his grandmother is still alive, but getting frailer by the day. Mostly he’s just glad he’s out before she’s gone. Their full reunion is a teary one, Obito enveloping her in a hug that almost makes her disappear.
“Oh, my boy...it’s been so cold and lonely without you here…”
“I’m sorry, grandma. I’m here, now.”
He starts looking for a job. But no one wants to hire a convicted felon. Even menial labor jobs think twice, seeing his past penchant for setting fires as a liability they don’t want to touch. Months pass with nothing. His grandmother has been barely squeaking by, managing his bills on top of her own expenses. With him home and only making things all the more expensive, the need for some kind of income drives him to extremes.
Kakashi, already graduated and working, tries to help him find something. He himself got a teaching degree, landing a literature gig at their old high school. By some grace, he convinces them to let Obito come on as a janitor. It’s...not much, but it’s something.
And by now, Obito’s learned to swallow his pride.
Three months of that first job pass before Life decides to throw him a curveball.
Home on a Saturday, Obito’s quietly peeling vegetables for dinner when a cab pulls up out front. Brow furrowing, he watches as someone gets out of the rear seat, packing a single bag. A sweatshirt’s hood is drawn, watching the car pull away before turning to the house and peeling the material back.
...it’s Ryū…!
Abandoning his task, Obito heads out the front door just as she passes the gate. There’s a small pause, and then they meet in the middle. Obito practically swallows her up in a hug, earning a laugh.
“I’m so sorry,” she breathes, doing her best to embrace him back. “I’ve been so busy, and only just heard you were out early…!”
“Kakashi didn’t…?”
“Look, it’s...a long story. Mind if we go inside, first? I have something I need to ask you.”
“Yeah, yeah...here, let me get that.”
“It’s just one bag! I can’t stay long. I, uh...technically snuck off.”
He gives her a questioning look, but she doesn’t elaborate, just heading inside. His grandmother wastes no time in giving her a hug of her own.
“Oh, it’s been so long, dear…!”
“I’m sorry...I’ve been so swamped the last few years. But it’s good to see you, Mrs. Uchiha.”
“Please, Sachiko is fine.”
“Here, I actually have something for you…” Ryū pulls an envelope out of her pocket, insisting, “Don’t open it until I leave, okay? It’s a surprise.”
Obito watches as they interact, noticing the rather glitzy outfit his friend is wearing. It feels like he’s...missing something.
But then she turns to him with a windblown smile. “Sorry, I’m all over the place...I’m a little lagged from the flight.”
“Flight?”
“Yeah, I...well, let me start at the beginning…”
“I’ll go make some tea and some snacks,” Sachiko then offers, toddling toward the kitchen. “You two talk.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Uchiha!” Taking a seat in the living room, Ryū seems to take a long moment to think.
“So, um...I dropped out of college.”
“What?”
“I was trying to major in nursing. And it, uh...wasn’t going well. But I was also taking some music classes, you know...since I loved theater and choir so much. I was posting some of my stuff to the net, covers of songs and stuff...and um...I ended up auditioning for that singing competition show.”
Obito just gapes.
“I got...pretty far. Semi-finals. And when I was voted off, I got picked up by a small label. Things just sort of...spiraled from there. I got a song on the radio, and views online skyrocketed, and now I’m…” She shrugs, looking sheepish with a blush. “I’m...a singer, now! I’ve done a few concerts, some music videos...and things don’t look like they’re going to slow down any time soon.”
“I...that’s amazing…! That must be why I haven’t...heard from you?”
Her face then falls. “...I’m so sorry...I had to move to the coast, and I’ve just been so busy...I kept meaning to write, but my agent didn’t want word getting out I was talking to a felon,” she mutters, looking frustrated. “Which...is why I had to sneak away to come see you. I’m tired of her strongarming me all the time.”
“...I guess I just...dunno what to say. I’ll admit I didn’t see that change coming.”
“I mean…” Ryū tucks some hair behind an ear, musing for a moment. “...part of me always wanted to try it. I’ve loved music and theater for a while. But I thought nursing would be more...practical. And follow my mom’s path. And I do sort of wish I’d stuck with it. I’d love to be helping people. But at the same time, as tough as this career can be...I’m pretty happy with it. And um...that leads me to my question.” She leans forward, arms braced on her knees. “...I heard from Kakashi you were having trouble with a job…?”
“I’ve got one for now, janitor at the school.”
“...do you like it?”
“It’s...a job.”
“...well...I wanted to offer you a new one.”
“Wh…? Me? But...for what?”
“My agent’s been a bit...worried lately. She’s convinced that I’m reaching a point where I should probably have some kind of security. Just in case someone tries to hurt me. Frenzied fans, or a stalker, or just...someone who gets it in their head. Y’know? So...I wanted to ask if you’d consider being my bodyguard.”
Obito stares at her.
“...I know it’s really random, and I don’t expect an answer now. But...well, I figured if I’m going to trust my life to someone, I want it to be someone I know. That I...trust.” Sorrow suddenly colors her features. “...I realize I haven’t been much of a friend. Life swept me away, and we haven’t talked in a few years. But...I do still care about you. And I thought it would be a good opportunity for you. It would pay really well, you’d get all sorts of benefits, and really it would probably be pretty easy most of the time. Just...think about it.” Dragging her eyes back to his face, she manages a small smile. “...it’d be great to be able to see you again.”
Rather overwhelmed, Obito reflexively jokes, “I think you’d get sick of me.”
“Oh, I doubt that. But...I just wanted to throw that out there for you. See what you think. And I don’t expect an answer now. I think I’ll be able to hide out in town a few days before my agent drags me back kicking and screaming,” she adds, grinning.
“...you really want me to...do that? You’d trust me with that?”
Her eyes flicker over his face for a moment. “...I would. More than anyone else. I got a really good look at your character when you were hurt, and...all the time after that. Court, and everything. It’s true, you had some issues...but they were born out of grief. I got a pretty good idea of who you really are. Besides that, you’re obviously strong, and attentive. I think you’d make a perfect bodyguard. But again, it’s only if you want it. No pressure, no expectations.”
Before he can reply, Sachiko returns at last with tea and some crackers. “I’m sorry, dear...I don’t have much in the cupboards.”
Something flashes across Ryū’s face. “No, no - that’s great! I skipped breakfast so I’m starved -”
“Oh! Then let me -!”
“No no, I’ve got it. This is good - my stomach’s a little wobbly after that flight. Tea and crackers is perfect, thank you.”
The old woman doesn’t look convinced, but takes a seat and a cup anyway. “So what’s this I hear about a job…?”
Obito explains it all again for her, and her eyes alight. “Oh, that sounds perfect…! You’re such a strong boy, and you’d be sure to keep her safe!”
That gets Ryū to smile warmly. “He was the first person I thought of for the job.”
“Surely you’ll do it, won’t you Obito?”
“I’ll...give it a little thought, first,” he replies evasively.
“Oh I’m sure he’ll do it. Just give him a minute to mull it over,” Sachiko insists, making Ryū laugh and Obito go pink.
“Well...I better find a hotel to crash in,” Ryū eventually offers, getting to her feet.
“Oh, won’t you stay, dear?”
“I don’t want to interrupt -”
“Nonsense! We’re happy to have you!”
“Well...Obito needs to do some thinking, and you need to open that envelope I gave you,” Ryū gently counters. “I’ll come back by tomorrow, how about that? Take you guys out to lunch or something. And we can talk some more. I sorta just...showed up, that was rude.”
“You’re welcome any time,” Sachiko insists, tottering after her as she moves to the door. “But it would be lovely to see you again tomorrow. Just give us a call!”
“I will.” Giving the elder a hug, Ryū then offers one to Obito, who accepts. “Think that over, huh?”
“Yeah...see you tomorrow.”
As she takes her leave, the remaining pair turn to one another, and then Sachiko brightens. “Oh, the envelope!” Fetching it from her pocket, she unfurls it and opens the flap, reading a small note before pulling out another slip of paper. Eyes widening, her face pales, and she almost collapses if not for Obito’s quick reflexes. “Oh...oh my goodness…”
“Grandma?!” Helping her to a chair, Obito takes the papers from her, first reading the note.
Just paying some good fortune forward.
I know how you can use this, so please
do. And no, I won’t take it back. Whatever’s
leftover after the two main expenses, you
keep to live on. Consider this me making
up for my absence, and all the time I owe
you both. And please...don’t show this to
Obito. I don’t want it swaying his decision.
I don’t want either of you to feel obligated
in any way. This is what I want to do.
Love,
Ryū
Looking to the second slip, Obito sees the set of zeros on the check and freezes. Two main expenses...she must mean the rest of his medical and legal bills…? But this...this is…
Looking close to tears, Sachiko manages a shaking sigh. “...first she helps save your life...and now this? Surely she’s an angel from Heaven...what a kind soul…”
Obito reads the note again, flipping it over but finding nothing on the back. Don’t show it to him, huh? Well...he’d surely find out one way or another. Sway his decision...about taking the job? Which way? Obligation to work for her to repay the debt, or to turn it down and refuse her further kindness? Either way...he’s shellshocked.
“...I’ll take the job,” he murmurs.
“I’d certainly hope so!” Sachiko replies, her own surprise managing to fade a bit as she sits up. “Now you listen to me! You keep that girl safe, Obito. No one can hurt her...such a sweet girl. I’ll...I’ll have to call the bank in the morning. Good gracious…” Mumbling to herself, she snatches back the papers, suddenly full of vigor as she leaves Obito behind.
After a long pause, he gives a single huff of a laugh. “...well, then.”
When Ryū calls the next morning, Sachiko gives her an earful, but the singer refuses to hear any complaints or refusals. Instead, she takes them out to lunch as promised, and Obito tells her his answer.
“And you’re doing this because you want the job, right? No other reason?”
He just nods. He does want the job. But maybe partially for a reason she wouldn’t like.
“...all right then. You can fly back to the coast with me, and we’ll get you all settled in. Mrs. Uchiha...I know you depend on him, and if you’d like, I could have you moved -?”
“Oh, nonsense. I raised my son in that house, lost my husband in that house...and took care of Obito there. There’s only one way I’m leaving it,” she insists. “I’ll be fine.”
“Would you like me to hire a careta-?”
“I can manage that well enough with what you gave me. I’m not a prideful woman...but there’s only so much I’ll allow.”
“Well...we’ll come visit as often as we can. And I’ll get you set up so we can facetime with you!”
“Face what, now?”
“...I’ll explain later.”
Obito packs up a few belongings, giving a rather teary goodbye to his grandmother as Ryū calls her agent. The exchange is clearly argumentative, but in the end it all seems settled.
“Not in trouble, are you?” he asks, perking a brow.
“I didn’t break anything in my contract,” Ryū replies with a wink. “So no. She’s mad I snuck out, but I didn’t have any other pressing obligations. And technically I did what she wanted: I hired a bodyguard!”
Obito just snorts.
One flight later, he finds himself in the big city, the next several days a blur of Ryū finding him an apartment, introducing him to the rest of her team, and getting all of the paperwork taken care of.
“So you don’t have to be with me all the time,” she eventually explains. “There will be plenty of times I’ll be in safe environments where others can keep an eye on me. Biggest things will be public venues, you know?”
“Okay…”
Ryū gives a sympathetic smile. “Don’t worry, it’ll all sink in. I know what it is to be overwhelmed...I felt the same way when things started picking up for me.” Her expression then warms. “...I’m just...very glad you’re here. I feel safer already. Now...I have to go to practice for some choreography for an upcoming show...want to go with me?”
“Uh...sure.”
They head to a dance studio, where Ryū meets with her trainer, choreographer, and backup dancers. For several hours they run through the routine, step by step. Obito, with little else to do, lingers and watches. He has to admit...it’s impressive. And Ryū looks focused and driven, mouthing along with her track as they go.
By early evening they break for the day, everyone heading home save for Ryū, who hangs back to work on a section she’s struggling with. Sweat lines her brow, breath rushing as she rests between attempts.
“Ready to call it a night?”
“No...not yet…” Taking a swig of water, she sighs. “...few more tries.”
“I dunno how you keep that all straight.”
Glancing over, Ryū grins. “Practice. Lots and lots and lots of practice.” Setting her water aside, she asks, “...want to try?”
“What, me?”
“Yeah! Just a few steps, huh?” She gives him a grin, holding out hands.
“I’m a bodyguard, not a backup dancer,” he replies, nonetheless stepping up.
“Well maybe I’ll promote you if you dance well,” she teases. “Here...stand like this. The sequence is...one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.” With each number, she executes a move, doing so slowly at first.
“...uh…”
“We’ll go slow.” Holding a pose, she waits for him to mimic before moving to the next. Over and over, going a bit faster every time. “There, you’re getting it!”
“I’m a little stiff,” he laughs. “Scars and all that.”
“No, you’re doing really well! You’ve got good rhythm! Here, we’ll try with the music…” Playing the mp3, she helps him count out before they go through the little section. As Obito stops, she keeps on for a few more, including the part she’d been struggling with. “...okay, I think I got it! Finally, oh my gosh…”
As she stops and catches her breath, music still going, Obito listens. It’s pretty much your typical pop song, but...he likes it. If only because it’s her song. “...this is actually pretty good.”
“Heh, thanks...I’d like to do more ballad-style pieces. Fast, poppy stuff is okay. And it sells well. But I’d like to have something a bit more...theater-like.”
Obito shrugs. “Neither are really my genre…”
She laughs, insisting, “No, that’s fine! I’ll get you some earplugs, because otherwise you’re going to hear it a lot.”
“I don’t mind it if it’s yours.”
Ryū pauses at that. “...not biased, are you?”
“N...no.”
Her lips curl a bit in a grin, shutting it off. “...well...I’m gonna shower, and then indulge in some takeout. Wanna come with, or head home?”
“I’ll stay.”
They slip into a fast food joint, getting it to go and heading back to Obito’s place. It’s a hell of a lot nicer than he’d ever afford working that janitor job. Yet another thing he needs to thank her for…
They sit on the balcony, legs dangling through the railing as they munch fries. “...you know...this is the first time since I graduated high school I’ve really just...hung out with a friend.”
Obito glances to her. “...really?”
“Yeah. I was a loner in college, and then...well, good luck finding real friends in his business,” she sighs, indulging in another fry. “...that’s a big reason why I wanted you to take the job. I’ve been...really lonely. Maybe that was selfish of me.”
“You’ve been anything but selfish.”
“...maybe.”
“Hey. You literally saved my life. Twice, really. You flipped it upside down. I’d be scrubbing high school bathrooms right now if not for you.”
“I don’t want you to feel that way, though,” Ryū insists, turning to him with a wilted brow. “I didn’t do this out of...of pity, or wanting you to feel like you owe me. You’re my friend. And I’ve been really lucky. I just...want to share that luck with someone. Help them. And you were the one I wanted to help the most. And not just because of all the troubles you’ve faced. But because you’re a really sweet guy, Obito. I -” She cuts off, apparently catching herself before blurting something. “...I’m glad you’re here. I wasn’t kidding - I feel safer with you around. For...a lot of reasons.”
“...yeah?”
“...yeah.” Looking into her empty fry cup, she then just...collapses against his side with a sigh. “...I know I’ve been a bad friend up until now. But I hope I can make it up to you.”
“...you already did. And then some.” Tentatively, he lets an arm encircle her shoulders. “...thanks for letting me be here.”
“...thanks for letting me drag you into this.”
“Any time.” Glancing down to her, Obito feels his stomach shift as she nestles a bit more comfortably against him, a weird warmth in his...chest…
...oh no.
Swallowing thickly, he then looks back up, watching the sky slowly darken, the city still bright with lights.
“You’re a really sweet guy, Obito. I feel safer with you around.”
He can’t help a small sigh. Oh, Obito...what are you getting yourself into…?
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     (This is a follow-up to day four!)      I'm not...100% sure it was a good idea to have this verse continued from day four - it mighta worked better as a standalone with them as strangers, but...meh, oh well - maybe I'll do this sort of concept again sometime lol      I am.......a really big sucker for protector / protected dynamics in ships, okay. I've wanted to try it for a long while now. And the title just gave me the idea of a dance routine, WHICH fits the whole pop star AU pretty well! And I think Obito would make a really good bodyguard, honestly. He's both strong, AND - depending on the verse - also knows how 'bad guys' think...hence me tying it into day four, like he had some experience in jail to sort of know what to look for to help keep Ryū safe.      Anyway, III'm rambling lol - hope ya enjoyed! Thanks for reading!~
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mrsbenedictbridgerton · 7 years ago
Text
I was prompted bed sharing so I used this: Your mate has taken your room to get lucky after the party. You’re my roommate and I can’t make you sleep on that shitty couch…
also on AO3
Not smut really but on the mature side...
It was the right thing to do. She couldn’t make Killian sleep on that couch - it was worn with springs that liked to bite you in the ass at the most unexpected moments. And she had a king size bed. Plenty of room.
“Least I can do,” she smiled when he asked again if this was okay, dancing in her doorway with his hip hugging jeans and permanently ruffled hair.
Of course it was. They were roommates, had been for three months now. Craigslist had not failed her for once, providing someone who was neat and gainfully employed. In the time that had lived together in the downtown loft, they had become friends. Amigos. Amis. Etc. But she wasn’t blind. It didn’t hurt that he was just about the hottest man she had even came across. With an achingly beautiful face and a set of manners that would make the most suspicious mother swoon and beg him to marry their daughter. Far too good for anyone as messed as up her.
She tucked that thought away as she dove into the bathroom to change, leaving him to get under the covers. The party had been to celebrate his birthday. It had been deemed a success when her friends had really gotten along with his friends. So good that his best mate was now getting friendly with her best friend in his room. She couldn’t wait to tease Mary Margaret come the morning. Her friend rarely did anything that spontaneous so she knew this must be something special. That realization sent a little pang of longing for her own special someone to her heart. It had been a long time since Walsh and he’d turned out to be such a cliched asshole that she’d well and truly climbed back into her shell when it came to men.
Speaking of men... She returned to see he’d shucked off his jeans, leaving them neatly folded on the bedside table, but thankfully had left on his t-shirt. She’d caught him once coming out of the shower, just a week after he had moved in, and that image was not only seared on her memory but had made her flush so wildly she’d almost ran back to her room. The smattering of hair that covered his firm chest and the enticing trail that led down beneath the towel wrapped around his slim hips had made her mouth dry. It wasn’t the body of a man who slaved at the gym - but someone who worked and used his hands every day. And that made it an all the more erotic sight to her starved eyes.
The door closed behind her. Pulling awkwardly on the sleeves of her flannel pyjamas, Emma smiled thinly as he watched her walk towards the bed.
“Hey,” she smiled, chewing on her bottom lip as he shifted to give her more space. “So, good party?”
“Hmm,” he nodded, his blue eyes sparkling mysteriously.  “Quite.”
There seemed to be loaded meaning to his answer, the way his gaze flitted over her and his voice became soft and gruff. She made herself look away.
Her heart was hammering as she turned of the little bedside lamp and tried to settle. She half wished she’d drank herself into a happy drunken lull- that way she’d be able to ignore the hot sensation of him being so close (and in her bed) and just fall asleep. Instead she listened to her pulse pound in her ears and the mingling of their breathing as it fell into tandem.
She shrugged herself into the bed a little more. He cleared his throat.
Then the faint sounds of bed springs and moans filtered from his room across the hall. Emma couldn’t hold back a nervous laugh. “I’d say Dave owes you big time Jones.”
“And why would that be, love?”
God, she loved it when he called her that. He did it every now and again and it never failed to send a shiver down her spine and straight to her lady parts. She heard him turn onto his side, the old iron bed creaking. She fixed her gaze on the little crack that ran down the centre of the ceiling.
“You know, he and Ms… in your bed…”
She could feel herself turning red. Oh damn, she was not that person to get shy about talk of sex. What the hell was wrong with her? She clenched her toes and tried to pull herself together.
“Oh,” she head him sigh. The covers shifted a little. She chanced a glance his direction and her breath caught at the way he was looking at her.
His eyes were that dark shade of sapphire she had only seen a few times. His lips tantalising, their edges curved in a half smile, his upper teeth biting down on his full bottom lip.
“What?” she asked, her blush deepening as his eyes dipped.
He seemed for a moment almost… shy. Confident, gregarious Killian Jones, the man who could light up a room with his megawatt smile was looking away from her like an inexperienced school boy. It gave her an unexpected thrill. And a sense of trepidation.
“Perhaps it was good fortune on my part.”
Her breathing caught. She found her self slowly turning her body to face him, her hands resting on the comforter where it dipped between their bodies. The material spanning the space that was slowly filling with a delicious friction.
“Oh yeah?” she asked, with an attempt at a flippant shrug.
He nodded, his tongue darting to moisten the blanched portion of his lips where his teeth had worried against the flesh.
Suddenly, she felt emboldened. His gaze darkened, drinking her in, making her feel... desired. As crazy as that felt in flannel pajamas and scraped back hair.
She splayed out her fingers. “So, is my bed more comfortable than yours?”
He shook his head, his hand sliding from his hip to a few inches from hers.
She parted her lips, studying the handsome curves and lines of his face, relishing in this closeness... it was almost like there was something there-
“Are my pillows… fluffier?”
He shook his head again, this time increasing that little smile of his, showing a hint of white teeth, his eyes crinkling at the edges. Her stomach did a little somersault...
“So what could persuade Killian Jones that leaving his 1000 thread count sheets was a good thing?”
The question lingered, like a tantalising treat hanging by a thread. Emma held her breath, for a second thinking she had been mistaken-
“You,” he whispered, the word dancing in the air between them, her heart giving a little leap as she felt her insides melt...
He reached out, his hand cupping her cheek, the apprehension on his face clear until she smiled, dimples puncturing those cheeks. His thumbs brushed across the curves of her face and she let her eyes flicker closed in pleasure, until she gave a soft shriek when one hand moved to her hip and he pulled her towards him.
Their bodies flush, she swallowed hard. His firm against her softness, his breath sweet with the scent of rum, his fingers flexing against her flesh.
Her limbs tingled. Her lips ached. Her whole body radiated with need.
“Me?” she asked, her voice breathless.
He replied with a kiss. At first soft, pliant, the barest whisper until she arched her chin, giving him more access, inviting him to tangle himself into her. Pushing her onto her back until she slid her legs around his hips, cradling him as their embrace becoming heated. His hands tangled in her hair, pulling out the pins that held it in place. She slid her palms beneath his shirt, relishing in the silk of his skin. She was scorching hot, coming alive beneath his touch, an unspoken dream being realised with every stroke of his tongue.
Time seemed to melt away. Finally, reluctantly, he placed his damp forehead against hers, resting himself on his forearms so she could catch her breath.
“That was…” she panted, laying her palms onto his chest, her whole body alive, every nerve sparking.
“Amazing,” he finished, snatching another brief kiss, his eyes dancing in a blue haze of lust and something more.
Emma smiled, before slowly shaking her head.
“Just the beginning,” she clarified, before shifting him onto his back and resuming their embrace.
To hell with the consequences. Whatever this was, she was going to enjoy it.
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gillovny1013 · 7 years ago
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A Night Shared
So I decided to write a fanfic.  I haven’t written one in almost 20 years (wow, has it been that long?!), but I started thinking recently how it would be fun to bring out that side of my creativity again.  I hope you enjoy my entrance back into the world of fanfic writing, I might be a bit rusty!  
Synopsis:  Post My Struggle I Rating:  18+ Spoilers:  IWTB, My Struggle I Author:  Gillovny1013
Chapter One – Memories of Years Past
When Scully arrived home from work that night she felt very overwhelmed, underappreciated by the FBI, tired, and weepy.   It wasn’t like she should be surprised by this, she had worked on The X-Files for such a long time, but nevertheless she couldn’t help it.  She planned on eating some dinner (finally at 9:00 at night), lighting some candles, and slipping into a nice warm bath before heading off to bed.  This was one of her favorite past times when she got home after a long hard day.  It didn’t matter whether she was arriving home from working at the FBI or at the hospital, she needed time to unwind and to process everything from the day.  Both jobs demanded so much of her physically, mentally, and emotionally that in order to maintain any amount of sanity she had to do this.  
When she heard the phone ring a few seconds later, and wondered who it could be at this time of night.  She found herself excited to see Mulder’s name on the caller ID, but she also felt in the mood to just be by herself on that night.  She hesitated for a moment, deciding whether to press that little green button to answer the call, but after so many years Scully knew it was best to just answer it because Mulder always had a way of making her feel better even in the darkest of moments.  
Mulder and Scully had shared so many tender moments between them over the years.  She loved the hand touches that meant more than words could ever express, the hugs, and the kisses (especially the kisses, kissing was one of her favorite ways to show affection).  They had even shared a bed together one night many years earlier, and nine months later William had been born.  She thought for a moment about how that had turned out, but decided it wasn’t wise when she was already feeling the way she felt.  She knew she couldn’t allow her mind to go there.  
Scully pressed the talk button, and she immediately heard Mulder’s voice on the other end.  It was such a comforting sound for her.  He asked how she was feeling.  He knew they had had a tough day, and instinctively he already knew how she would be doing when she answered after a few seconds.  It’s amazing how many thoughts can go through a person’s mind in just a few moments while waiting for someone to answer.  He could tell by the way she said, “Hi Mulder” when she finally answered that she was upset.  He offered to bring over some dinner to cheer her up.  She wanted to say no because she really did want some alone time, but she knew how much better Mulder made her feel, so she decided to cave and accepted his offer anyway.  Being around him made her feel more alive, more like herself.  She had felt somewhat dead inside being apart from him for so many years.  Even now, working together again but not living together, it left a sadness in her heart that only being around him could heal.  
It wasn’t a very long drive from Mulder’s house to Scully’s.  He often wished they could just go back to the way things were before.  One of them could sell their house, and they could move in together.  It didn’t seem like that big of deal.  Hell, they had lived together for several years after working on The X-Files so many years before.  Now they were back at the FBI again, and it brought back so many memories for him.  Memories of the life they had together, of William (he could tell that being back at work was doing the same thing for her too), and of all the moments they shared together over the years.  They had a lot of history, a lot of chemistry, and he hoped at some point he’d be able to convince her that living together and being a couple was the right thing again.  Until that time he resolved to keep himself available to her when she needed him, and he knew he would eventually win her back.
His own personal journey had caused difficulty in their relationship, and ultimately ended up being it’s demise.  How odd it was that it should have happened considering that his personal journey was what brought them together in the first place, but that was a thought he knew he couldn’t entertain.  It would eat him alive if he let it and cause him to become depressed again.  His depression was another factor that had caused a rift in their relationship.  He thought about how grateful he was that he had sought help so many years earlier, and now he felt that he was at a really good place.  Sure things weren’t always easy, but it was better and that’s what mattered.  He hoped by beginning this leg of their journey at the FBI that they could be together again, and he hoped that they might find out information about their son William who he missed more than words could ever express every moment of everyday.  He knew Scully felt the same way.  It was like a part of both of them was missing, and that void was unable to be filled by anyone or anything else.  
These thoughts were still going through his head as he pulled into the restaurant and arrived at the pick-up window.  So much so that he almost didn’t notice the server walking up with a clipboard and pen in one hand, and carrying his bag of food in the other.  He quickly handed her his debit card and then waited for her to return.  While he waited, all of his thoughts went directly to Scully.  What would he say to make her feel better when he arrived at her house, how would she act around him?  They hadn’t spent time together in years, and he honestly wasn’t sure how the night would end up going.  He did know though that his heart longed to be with her, and that he loved her with every fiber of his being.  When the server returned a minute or two later, he took the clip board and signed his name.  After saying thank you and setting the bag of food on the seat next to him, he drove off and was on his way to Scully’s.
Chapter Two – A Night That Meant So Much
As Mulder turned onto Scully’s road, he suddenly had a wave of anxiety wash over him.  How, after so many years he wondered, could he possibly feel nervous about seeing her?  But as he pulled into her driveway, he decided he wouldn’t try to sort out his feelings.  Instinctively, he knew that this night was going to be significant in their relationship.  
Scully sat on the couch watching some tv while she waited.  Her stomach grumbled as she sat thinking about Mulder instead of actually paying attention to what she was watching.  Just then she heard the slamming of a car door, and through the curtains she could see the outline of a man’s body walking up to the door.  She got a little bit of butterflies in her stomach at the thought of seeing him.  This always happened when she knew there was a possibility of something romantic happening between them.  It was something she felt she should be used to, but nevertheless it still surprised her every time.  
He finally approached the door holding the bag of food.  Even being outside it still had a strong aroma, and it made him even hungrier.  Smelling it on the car ride was pure and utter torture.  It was getting late and he was beyond starved by that point, and knew Scully must be also.  They had eaten in the car around noon while investigating the case they were currently working on, and that was many hours ago.  He knocked on the door, eagerly waiting for her to answer.
Scully opened the door and greeted Mulder with a smile and a small hello as he walked in slowly, asking her how she was doing.  She told him she was doing okay, but she was really hungry.  He wanted to play his cards right, because he knew deep down he longed to be near Scully all the time and hoped this would eventually lead to something more in their relationship.  Being back at work with her was amazing, but he missed all the little things living together provided.  He missed sitting down to share meals like this one, he missed her messy hair as she woke up in the morning, he missed giving her a kiss goodnight while lying next to her and staring at her until she fell asleep, he missed rolling over in the morning and tempting her with a quickie; he missed all of it.  He realized the longer they were apart that those little things were what he missed most about her.  
She asked if he wanted to sit down, and then immediately started setting the table.  He was trying to play it cool but inside he was longing to jump up, pull her into an embrace, and kiss her deeply, never letting her go ever again.  He wanted to do that at that moment more than anything in the world.  He didn’t even care about the meal at that point, he just wanted to be with Scully.  He watched her as she moved over to the kitchen counter to grab napkins for them and as she walked over to the cabinet to grab plates and cups, and all he could think about was how beautiful she was and how much he loved her.  
When she sat down, he asked her what was bothering her, because he could see it written all over her face.  He knew they had a rough day at work, but he also knew getting the chance to unwind had always helped her.  Today was no different.  She poured her heart out to him, explaining how tired she was and how under appreciated she felt being back at the FBI as they sat eating their meals.  They were so grateful to be back and to be working together again, but this wasn’t a job that was ever easy for either of them both physically and mentally, especially at the age they were now.  
As they finished their meal, Scully asked Mulder if he wanted to sit on the couch.  He couldn’t have been happier, and smiled while following her into the living room.  He was the one with the butterflies in his stomach now as he sat down next to her on the couch.  She seemed to be very calm, oddly enough.  They continued their conversation, and he found that it quickly turned from only talking about work to talking about other things going on in their lives.  After sitting and talking for what felt like hours, he realized it was starting to get later and later.  He told her that he should start heading home, but inside he was hoping she would ask him to stay more than anything.  Despite this he was still taken aback when she rested her hand on his thigh unexpectedly and stared up at him smiling, with a look on her face that said she had more on her mind than just the discussion they were having or about sleep.  
He never would have thought she would be the one to make the first move.  It had been he to make the first move so many years ago when she got stung by that damn bee in the hallway of his apartment building, it was he who had carried her off to his bedroom the night they made love for the first time, and it had been he who made the first move to spoon with her and kiss her on the cheek when she came over saying she was nauseous and needed to lie down before she knew she was pregnant with their son.  It had always been him, but not tonight.  
Scully, still acting much calmer than he was feeling at that moment, asked him to please stay with her tonight because she didn’t want to be alone.  He wondered whether she was really as calm as she was letting on, because he felt like his heart was about to pound right out of his chest.  He had never been so excited as he was at that moment knowing that she wanted to be with him as much as he wanted to be with her.  He knew no matter where it led to, this was a great first step that he hoped would lead to them being together once again.  He allowed her to lead him off towards her bedroom, and all the while he felt the butterflies rising higher and higher into his chest.  
Scully quickly pulled him into an embrace and kissed him passionately as she led him towards her bedroom, knowing good and well where it would lead to and being so happy to be where she was right then at that very moment.  She hadn’t felt a sense of completeness like that in many years, and it was the most amazing feeling in the world.  She knew he felt the same way.
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jrubalcaba · 7 years ago
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Precious Cargo Ch. 14 - The Big News
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Precious Cargo Chapter 14 - The Big News
author: jrubalcaba
featuring: OFC Guinevere “Gwen” Adams x Bucky Barnes
word count: 1783 words
rating: PG
warnings: Feels galore
A/N:  @avenger-nerd-mom is the best beta ever!
At first there was darkness everywhere, but after a while I could sense bright lights. I could feel something cold in my right hand and something tight wrapped around my left arm. I could hear beeping and someone nearby was breathing deeply, almost like they were asleep. I opened my eyes slowly, taking in my surroundings. I was in the medical wing of the tower. I looked to my left and could see the heart monitor, tracking my vital signs, a blood pressure cuff just above my elbow. A sigh from my right startled me. I snapped my head around and saw him. Bucky. He must have been here a while, because he was still in the clothes he was wearing the day we left. He was asleep, his metal hand holding my right. I squeezed his hand, hoping to wake him up, and it worked.
“Wha-Gwen! Oh I'm so glad you're awake! Everyone's been worried,” he gushed, leaning forward to brush my hair back from my face. I gave him a small smile. “You need anything? Water? Trip to the bathroom? Food? Tell me and I'll get it for you.” Geez. He's not normally this attentive, even when we were together.
“Water,” I rasped, my throat dry. Bucky sprang up and ran to the sink, filling up a cup with water before bringing it back to me and tilting it up ever so slightly so I could take a sip. Oh my god it tasted so good. “Thank you.  Can you let my doctor know I'm awake?” I asked. He left the room without a second glance. Wow. I need to remember how to do that. The door opened and Dr. Cho walked in, Bucky on her tail. 
“Miss Adams, so glad you're awake. You lost quite a bit of blood back there. A couple of the bullets went straight through,” Helen informed me. Well, son of a bitch! No wonder I went out so fast. She wasn't done with her assessment though. “There was a bit of a problem, due to your underlying condition, but everything has been checked out and you're going to be making a full recovery.” 
Underlying condition? WTF? Bucky was in the same boat as me, as he had a perplexed look on his face.
“Underlying condition? What does that mean? Is something wrong with her?” He questioned. She looked at him with an apologetic face before answering. “Sorry Sergeant Barnes, but seeing as you're not my patient’s next of kin, I cannot discuss anything with you unless she tells me otherwise, in writing.” Helen smiled, clearly dismissing him. Bucky walked out of the room like a puppy with its tail between its legs. As soon as the door was shut, she rounded on me. 
“So, I need to tell you this because I'm sure that he's going to notify the team that you're awake, and that means we have a few moments before we're interrupted.” She paused, checking to make sure he wasn't listening, before coming back to sit next to me. “Your underlying condition? You're pregnant. 9 weeks along and confirmed by ultrasound and blood work,” she stated. 
Pregnant? Me? There has to be a mistake. Bucky couldn’t have kids. Unless HYDRA lied to him, which given their history, it’s entirely plausible. He’s the only guy I’ve ever been with, and he never used condoms while we were together. Holy fuck! I'm pregnant! 
“I can see that this is a surprise to you. Normally, the kind of trauma that you've experienced could have caused you to miscarry, but, and I'm thinking I'm correct in this, but the fetus is half super-Soldier, so it's still viable.” Helen squeezed my hand and gave me a sad smile. “I know it's a lot to take in, but you need to rest and recuperate,” she insisted, patting my hand. “It's not just you anymore-” she was cut off as the door opened and Wanda, Steve and Natasha filed in. Wanda got to me first, embracing me in a tight hug. 
“I'm so glad you're ok! I've missed you so much!” She exclaimed. The other two gave me a smile and a nod before I realized that no one else was coming in. 
“Where's Barnes and the rest of the team?” I murmured, my throat still sore. They all looked at each other before Steve stepped forward. 
“He's more than likely taking a shower, getting some clean clothes, and eating. He came in with you and hasn't left your side since. He wanted to be here when you woke up,” the captain explained. Oh. Well, that's...sweet. “The rest of the team is waiting for you.” 
In my fuzzy brain, I begin to process things.  “How long have I been out?” 
“You've been out for a day and a half. Dr. Cho said that you have some issue that no one knew about, so she wanted to monitor you to make sure nothing was wrong,” Wanda answered my thought out loud.
“Oh. Well, ok then. Dr. Cho, when can I leave?” I asked. She smiled knowingly at me, because it's a well-known fact that I cannot stand being the center of attention, medical or otherwise. She really is an amazing doctor.
“Let me go fetch your discharge papers, then I can come unhook you from the machine,” she replied. Natasha suddenly produced some clothes from behind her back. 
“I figured you'd want some of your own clothes to wear instead of scrubs,” she stated, shrugging. I nodded, flashing a grateful smile her way. Dr. Cho returned, placing some paperwork on my lap before leaning over me to begin unhooking the leads to the machine. 
“No one knows. Your secret is protected by doctor-patient confidentiality,” she whispered in my ear. I peered at her out of the corner of my eye before she spoke louder. “You will need to relax. Your left arm will need to stay in a sling for a couple days. No extra curricular activities, do you understand?” I nodded my head, catching her eyes to ensure that I was replying to both statements. Everyone left so Dr. Cho could help me get dressed. 
Once I had my own clothes on, albeit significantly tighter, I was in the elevator, heading up to the living quarters. When the doors opened, there was a chorus of “WELCOME HOME!” The whole team was standing under a banner that read ‘WELCOME HOME GWEN’. I smiled as they took turns hugging me until I noticed that Bucky had joined them. His hair was still damp from his shower and he had clean clothes on. He walked forward, holding an envelope out to me. 
“Hey. Um, so Elliott and Zoey’s parents didn't get to meet you or anything, so they gave me this to give to you,” he said, nodding at the envelope and handing it to me. “Oh, before you ask, both of them are fine. Not a scratch, bruise, or hair out of place. They were really scared that you were gonna die though.” He rocked back on his heels, looking sad. His phone suddenly went off, and as he pulled it out, Sam looked over at it and whistled. 
“Damn dude. Where'd you find her?” He asked, jealous. Bucky looked over at him with his best ‘eat shit and die’ look and shoved the phone back in his pocket, his eyes straying over to me for a split second. 
“Forget about it. Let's celebrate Gwen being home, alright?” he offered, changing the subject, but I wasn't gonna let him off that easy.
“Sam, was it a blonde woman with dark eyes?” I may have been talking to him, but my eyes never left Bucky's face, so I saw the guilty look pass over him before Sam confirmed my suspicion. 
“Yeah it was. She, uh, didn't have any clothes on,” he replied, a blush dusting his cheeks. Fan-fucking-tastic. First Bucky brought her home to do god knows what, now she's sending him dirty pictures. Unbelievable.
“Great. You know, I appreciate the thought of celebrating and all, but I'm starving and I would love to just order some pizza and relax,” I suggested. Everyone could feel the tension between Bucky and I but I could tell they weren't going to push the issue since I had just come out of the hospital and didn't need anymore stress. 
“Alright,” Tony said, clapping his hands together. “Everyone figure out what you want on your pizza and I'll call in an order. Grab your drinks, get comfortable, and we'll meet in the theatre.” Everyone was going their separate ways, so I walked over to the closest chair and opened the envelope. There was a letter inside from Elliott and Zoey’s parents.
Dear Gwen, 
We want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts for taking care of our children. They are our entire world and being taken from them has been torture. We were told about what had happened at the gas station. How you hid them. How you selflessly put your life on the line to protect them. How you took several bullets and lost copious amounts of blood all in the name of our children.You saved their lives, and we are eternally grateful.
We didn't know if you would pull through, so we had plans in place in case you did or didn't. If you're reading this, that means you pulled through and that all of your medical bills are taken care of. It’s the least we could do. If you didn't pull through, we were going to pay for your funeral services. We hope to keep in touch with you on behalf of Elliott and Zoey. Thank you so much for taking care of the precious cargo that is our children.
 I wiped the tears away as I finished the letter. I looked up and Bucky was there, watching me. I stood up and pushed past him, going to my room and slamming the door. I slid to the floor as more tears came. Knowing that I had a child growing inside me, that could have been lost, suddenly hit me. This was no way to raise a child. I could not, in good conscience, bring a child into this life. Not to mention that if people know that I'm carrying the Winter Soldier’s child, I will most certainly have a target upon my head. Bucky cannot know. He more than likely wouldn't care anyway, seeing as how he cheated on me. There's only one path I can choose. I will not tell Bucky and I will have to disappear and never speak to the team, who had become the family I never had, again.
Chapter 15
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ibangtanthings · 8 years ago
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Sleep - pt 8
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You woke up on top of Jimin, and Hoseok was right next to you guys on the couch, head thrown backwards and mouth slightly open.
Jimin’s cheek was red where you had been leaning on. You pushed yourself off his chest and fixed Hoseok’s head so he wouldn’t have neck pains when he woke up.
By three, you guys were refreshed and staying in the house seemed boring compared to last night.
They performed for you at the karaoke bar and drank until they couldn’t sing properly anymore. The taxi dropped you guys off around three in the morning, none of you even bothering to make it to your rooms.
Today you and Hoseok wanted to relax while Jimin decided to go shopping.
“Let’s just go walk around the park.”
“Okay. Let’s go.” You said, throwing on a light hoodie.
“It’s too hot for that. Here…” he went into his room and pulled out a brand new spring dress.
“When did you buy that?” You asked, annoyed that you would have to get dolled up.
“I ordered it last night. It got here this morning, isn’t that crazy?”
He must have been awake and seen you on Jimin. Probably half awake when the package arrived and returned to the couch to keep sleeping.
“Okay, I’ll wear it but only because it’s nice out and a walk in the park seems like the perfect thing to do right now.” You said.
He got ready too and you hesitated. “Isn’t this a bit too much?” You looked at how nicely dressed he was too, in khaki slacks and a baby blue button up.
“No. We look cute. Don’t we look like a couple from the 40’s?”
“No.” You scoffed, smiling at his silliness.
Today you promised yourself to go along with his silliness. It would make him happy and you wanted to feel the sun on your skin, refusing to think about work or your worries.
The park was about fifteen minutes away. You swore you two could film a movie right then and there, the park was beautiful. Hoseok looked like celebrity too.
There was a big fountain deep within the park and Hoseok managed to lead you guys straight there. It was more like a rectangular pond, long enough to take up a few minutes just to circle around its perimeter.
You finally took out your phone and snapped away, but taking pictures of him instead as revenge for taking pictures of you nonstop on the way here.
“These are coming out pretty good.” You smirked.
Once Jimin was famous, you could be his professional photographer because in these pictures, Hoseok looked like a model.
You giggled at the pictures, amazed by how good the phone’s camera was.
“It’s not the phone Y/N. It only captures the beauty that already exists.” He looked off into the distance and waited for you to take some pictures.
Again, they came out as if from a magazine. You laughed and immediately showed him.
“Okay. Enough paparazzi. I’m just going to walk around the fountain, no pictures please.” He said arrogantly, acting like a celebrity.
“I understand” You laughed. “Carry on.”
He laced his hand into yours and didn’t bother to see your reaction.
You didn’t think about it for too long because he bought ice cream from a man rolling around his cart. How nice it must be to work in the park…watching children pass by and couples going on dates.
It felt silly knowing that’s exactly what you two looked like, a couple.
Embarrassed, you freed your hand and happily ate your ice cream, sitting on a nearby bench with him.
“Let’s take a picture of our ice creams.” He suggested.
“Okay, but I already bit the cone.” You pouted.
“That’s fine.”
You stretched your hand out next to his and he snapped the picture.
“Now I just have to put a caption….‘my ice cream and Y/N’s half eaten ice cream cone…hashtag fat ass’…”
You giggled and snatched the phone out of his hands.
“Ay, give it back. I wasn’t really writing that.” He laughed.
Brining the phone father away from his reach you shook your head and licked your ice cream. “No.”
“Yah! I just want to send it to Jimin and make him jealous.” He whined, reaching over your body as you stretched your arm back as far as possible.
His face only inches away from yours, and his determination making you laugh. “Nope…no.”
“Okay.” He said suddenly, then he quickly gave your lips a small peck.
You were so shocked, so surprised.
“Hobi!” You gasped, looking around and laughing at your own embarrassment when you realized no one was watching. “Why did you do that?”
Admittedly your heart was beating faster.
“What? You can kiss me when you feel like it but I can’t? I like it when you call me Hobi by the way.” He smiled, looking into your eyes and pushing your hair behind your ear.
“And when did I assault you so?” You asked, amused.
“You don’t remember? Oh, Hobi! You’re my teddy bear, come here! Then bam! You kissed me right here.” He pursed his lips and poked his right cheek.
“Hoseok…” your smile faded and your tone was serious.
“What’s wrong Y/N?”
“I was drunk. It just happened. Plus that was on the cheek, not on the lips.” You mumbled.
“I know. I just couldn’t help myself. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not ready.” You breathed, suddenly feeling anxious.
“I know but…what are you afraid of? You have me, Y/N. You can tell me anything, you can flat out reject me if you want to but just tell me. No matter what you say, I’m not going to get mad or think differently of you.” He said, a slight frown on his face.
You placed the phone on your lap and thought about his words.
“I know about Jimin…What he did that night the cops were here.” He said.
You gasped and brought both hands to cover your face, dropping the cone onto the ground. “He told you? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you first.” You said, voice trembling and tears in your eyes.
He pulled one hand away from your face and you turned away from him.
“It’s not about who tells me first. Jiminie could have kept it to himself but he didn’t because we’ve been friends for a long time and he respects me enough to admit when he does something stupid that could affect me. What I don’t understand is why you were afraid to tell me. I tell you all the time, you can tell me anything and I want you to tell me everything.” He sat closer and hugged you to him, kissing your forehead.
You faced him and apologized again. “I didn’t want to hurt you Hoseok.”
“I don’t care. I want you to dump everything on me. All the bad things, all the good things. Don’t hide anything from me. That’s what really hurts most.” He brought your chin up and you looked at him. “Promise?”
“I promise.” You nodded.
“Okay then let me do this…and don’t think about it for too long because I know you’re not ready and I’m okay with that. Just pretend it never happened. I just need to know.” He said seriously, gazing into your eyes.
You wondered what he was talking about but you got your answer quickly.
His lips pressed against yours, catching you by surprise. Unknowingly, your lips responded and your body buzzed with an unfamiliar feeling, but it felt warm and safe and euphoric. His hands gently held your face. He moved his lips again and you were shocked by how natural this seemed, and overwhelmed at the same time. He pulled away with a small peck and you looked into his eyes, a small smile on his face.
This is what it felt like to be loved…
It was too much. Your heart was racing and you flushed pink then frowning the second you remembered what he said…to forget.
He understood that you couldn’t give him what he wanted…at least not yet.
“Let’s go. Maybe we could catch up with Jimin and do some shopping.” He said, grabbing your hand and pulling you off the bench, already putting that moment behind.
_______
He let you walk around by yourself. They stayed at the boutiques while you headed to the Target.
It felt nice just being able to grab a shopping cart and buy your own things. Just the simple task of getting groceries and whatever else you wanted, felt like a brand new start at life. It felt good.
When they caught up with you, they grabbed a few things and you guys quickly went to checkout since it was getting late. The sun would go down in an hour or so and everyone was starving.
On the way back to the car, the temperature was noticeably colder. Hoseok just had his button up but Jimin had his hoodie. He unzipped it and handed it over. You gratefully accepted it.
Inside you felt a bit weary, as if you had to be more conscious about your actions in front of them. Jimin still didn’t know that Hoseok told you about the incident.
Hoseok showed no ounce of reaction to Jimin’s gesture as you put on the hoodie.
Tonight’s menu was ramen. You guys were too hungry to wait for food to be done cooking so you added some sausages, some veggies and whatever else seemed good.
Within fifteen minutes, you guys were sitting on the couch, watching a war movie and drinking soda.
For a moment, nothing felt real again. It was like you were watching someone else’s life. It was different, but in a good way.
___
“Give it to me Y/N.”
“Jimin it’s fine but I don’t think you need to add that extra chorus at the end.”
“What else?” He asked.
“Nothing else. I’m no expert. Maybe you should tell Hoseok to listen to it? See what he thinks.” You slid him a folded up sticky note with a thumbs up you drew on it.
“He’s too nice. You’re more straightforward with the feedback.”
“Are you sending these demos to a label?” You asked, sending back the USB.
“I can hear you guys mumbling!” You guys faintly heard Hoseok yell.
Why?…well you and Jimin found out that the only reason Jimin comes to comfort you after having nightmares so quickly, is because there’s a hole in the wall between your rooms, right above the floor.
It was about the diameter of two fingers and you could see through it. He had the cute idea of attaching two paper cups to either side of string so there you guys were, communicating like kids. If you both laid down on the floor, you could see each other’s faces.
You touched pointer fingers, a secret handshake of sorts that you two came up with since your fingers just reached each other.
Crawling into bed, you were sure that each of you would get a good rest and somehow you also knew that this week was going to be just as exhausting as the last.
Suddenly remembering you jumped out of bed and ran to the hole again.
“Jimin!” You half whispered.
“What’s wrong Y/N?” His eyes appeared at the hole.
“Hoseok told me that you told him what happened.” You said quietly.
“Ah…he did?” Jimin’s expression was too serious.
“I’m kind of glad you told him. Relieved actually.”
“Why is that?”
“Because you’re a good friend to him. You told him the truth and now I can trust you without a doubt.” You said.
He stuck his finger through the hole. “Of course. Jimin is one outstanding guy isn’t he?”
You poked his finger and giggled. “Yes. Goodnight Jimin.”
In the middle of the night, you went to get some water and Hoseok must have heard because he shuffled into the kitchen.
“What’s wrong Y/N?”
“Nothing. I was just thirsty. Go back to sleep.”
He smiled before turning around and going into his room again.
A small part of you wished something was wrong. Then you’d have an excuse to be comforted by him. It sucked though, because now you felt guilty. Like you were abusing his feelings for you.
How could you be in his arms knowing what it meant to him? How could you hold his hand and or throw your arms around him?…but how could you not?
He was your friend, your best friend, the one who made you want to live again, your other half. The one who held you down to this earth and made you smile.
Things were good, yes…but a relationship? Could you even make him happy? You didn’t even know how.
But how could you forget that warmth in your heart when Hoseok kissed you? It was like you could feel what he felt. It was wickedly impulsive on his part but that didn’t matter. It felt perfect.
Hoseok was a part of you now and there was no way in hell that you would continue to live on without seeing his smile everyday.
He was so full of life and hope, everyone saw it. You had him all to yourself now, you’re his first priority and that made you feel safe, protected, brave even….
One year was all it took for him to single-handedly to make you happy. What more could you ask for? You had a friend and a protector.
And what about Jimin? Wouldn’t it be weird for him to see you and Hoseok as a couple and have to live together? Was that another reason as to why he wanted to leave?
He proved to be someone you could open up to. Someone who was trustworthy. Best of all, his honesty proved that he had Hoseok’s best interests at heart.
The fact that he confessed to Hoseok just crushed any doubts about him that you had. Jimin was a good guy. One you wanted to get to know more of…but that kiss was something different.
You couldn’t give too much thought to it without thinking about how a Hoseok must feel. He didn’t say he was upset…
Thinking about it brought you more feelings of guilt but it was easy to put yourself back in that moment, when Jimin grabbed you close and kissed you as if you were his already. The shock of the moment took your breath away, paralyzed you and it was also wicked. He did it to hurt her, Yumi.
The look in his eyes when he apologized to you though, it was more like he was sorry about your reaction and not so much the kiss.
The Jimin you grew to know so far was kind, trustworthy and caring. If he hurt other people then that was his problem. For now, it was just you, Hoseok, and Jimin against the ugly world.
___________
“Jimin.” You whispered, lightly tapping Jimin’s door.
Hoseok was gently snoring next door.
You woke up before he died in your nightmares.
Jimin opened the door, half asleep but quickly waking up when he saw it was you.
You threw your trembling hands on his shoulders and arms, touching him and making sure he was real. Your face, crying into his chest.
“Shh…” He said, hugging you tight.
Still in his arms, he walked you backwards to your room.
You laid down once again, but you were shaking. You faced the wall and closed your eyes, trying to calm down and sniffling like a baby who’s just cried for hours. He hugged you from behind with a bit of pressure.
“I saw you die again…” you managed to blurt out.
It made you think, maybe you should speak to Dr. Yoo about how graphic these nightmares were getting, how violent they were. It wasn’t fair. It was like torture.
“Don’t think about that anymore. I’m right here.” He said, rubbing your arm, warming the skin.
You clenched your hand into a fist and listened to his voice, angry that it was taking so long for you to relax.
He hummed and sooner or later your breathing returned to some normality.
Almost asleep now, you wanted to tell Jimin he could go but even that seemed like using too much energy. It threatened to wake you up again. You couldn’t even lift your eyelids open now.
Everything was quiet.
The last thing you could possibly remember was his lips placing a soft kiss on your shoulder before he left.
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Part 9
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