#like basically... i most enjoy games that are light on mechanics but heavy on story/worldbuilding.

[echthr0s]

I am disappointed about how this BG3 experiment turned out but I cannot be too disappointed because I also learned some things in the process, namely about what makes games "work" for me and the difference between appreciating something's artistic value and enjoying the experience of it. cut for length

I don't enjoy Larian games. which feels bad to say, because I think Larian games are beautiful and intricate and full of amazing worldbuilding. why would I not enjoy that? it's very simple -- they are mechanically dense in a way that I find very unrewarding. and that feels bad to say, because the way people tend to interpret "this doesn't work for me" is as "this is bad and shouldn't exist", and sometimes I internalise that. but I know damn well that's not what I'm saying. what I am saying is that what makes games enjoyable for me is different than what it is for the people who enjoy Larian games, which is a perfectly neutral concept

I had to compare how I feel when playing the games I love to how I felt when I was playing BG3. Can Calah pointed out that he has never heard so many frustrated noises per minute from me while playing a game that didn't end up in me immediately dropping the game, and that's a good point. at one point I was literally in tears. this is not because the game is difficult to me. it is, in a way, but it's not like Bloodborne where I literally couldn't get past the first mob of enemies, lol. that didn't make me feel bad, I knew I wasn't gonna get through that game, I just wanted to try it anyway and laugh at how bad I was at it. what BG3 is to me is taxing.

here's an example: I'm familiar with isometric RPGs and especially their movement set. but BG3 is like... some hybrid of isometric and straight 3D, and I constantly want to move the camera down behind my character and use WASD for movement, expecting the camera to circle around the environment in a 3D fashion when I move my mouse. and this is a minor peeve -- not even a peeve, more like a "the way this game looks to me and the way this game is meant to be played are at odds, apparently" -- but it sets a baseline level of minor irritation. like a lil IRL debuff. so then when I hit something else that is irritating (like gnarly turn-based combat scenarios or having to reload a bunch of times trying to get past one NPC without activating a gnarly turn-based combat scenario), I'm already irritated, so I have less mental resources to deal with this new thing. I did not immediately recognise this was happening, but it's definitely the main roadblock for me

last night I went to do some research to see if I could figure out ways to make my Act I experience a little less taxing. I love learning tips and tricks about games I play, or finding out how the game works behind the scenes, stuff like that. when I look up stuff about ESO or FFXIV or Mass Effect or whatever, I feel curious and excited to try out whatever new thing I learn. (this is why I don't read the ESO subreddit at night, because then I learn something and I immediately want to boot up the game and try it out and I can't bc I'm supposed to be going to sleep and I get mad LOL) but I didn't feel that way at all last night. I just felt... tired. the curiosity and excitement did not magically appear. because ultimately this is just not a game I can play. not right now, at least. and yes, this upsets me, because I wanted to play it. but enjoyment cannot be forced and it's not fair to myself to go "look at all these other people having a great time, why can't you be more like them?" (talk about a line straight out of the Bad Parenting Playbook lmaooo)

yes, I would have loved to find out what it's like to be half-illithid, I would have loved to fall in love with Wyll, I would have loved to learn more about Faerûn and the various cultures and wow, would I have loved to see the Underdark, finally! I won't be meeting that drider guy I kept seeing gifs of and that makes me sad! but "the journey is the important thing" is never more true than when it comes to video games -- if I do not enjoy the minute-to-minute gameplay, if the journey itself is not inspiring joy in me, then it won't matter if I somehow push myself long enough to get to those moments. because I will be so stressed and tired and annoyed by the time I get there that I won't even enjoy the victory. so then is it really worth it?

the insight I've gained about myself as a gamer from failing to become a BG3 player is, however, quite worth it, I think