#like basically every book i'd want to read from the library i'd have to order because the options are so small. rural life

[foxmulderautism]

went through the books in my room and counted ~89 and was like omg that's a lot then i remembered how many booktubers and book influencers essentially make buying and owning as many books as possible massive amazon book hauls buying 50 books at once to put on your shelf and not touch them too much so they stay pristine buying but not reading '1000 books is officially a library' like their whole brand.

[librarycards]

Hello! I am trying to read “the right to maim” by jasbir k puar and I am getting almost nothing out of it, bc of the depth + breadth of academic concepts :( I’m particularly frustrated by it bc it seems to talk about subjects I think about, talk about and do daily, like disability, transness, and (anti)colonialism. I’m most of the way through the intro and it’s gone almost entirely over my head except for a couple isolated paragraphs that are meaningful.

Do you have any advice for how I can get the most out of this book? My main limiter is time, bc I got it out from the library and it is highly requested so I can’t have it for very long

Hi anon! First of all, in terms of time, I recommend piracy. I recommend it in general. I'm not going to post links here in order to protect the places I use, but dm me if you want them.

If you're having difficulty with the concepts (which makes sense - right to maim is a challenging book!) I recommend going back to basics with some background reading. You can get some of Puar's rec'd background reading from the bibliography, and from the keywords she uses in the preface of the text. a few that I see (i'm looking at the PDF now) include debility, rhizome/rhizomatic, soverignty, biopolitics, homonationalism, impairment [in the disability studies sense], precarity, and neoliberalism. if i was teaching this preface, i'd have students break down each of these terms (and probably others, this is just from a skim) using outside readings. it's totally normal to feel overwhelmed when jumping into a scholarly text w/o any context, and most people who use and cite this book have past experience reading Puar's interlocutors and existing familiarity with this language.

you can get up-to-date while reading using resources in tandem with this text. For example, you can read Puar's discussion of debility at that link to get a sense of the context. You can read a decent summary of Foucault (the coiner of the term "biopower") and his thought at Brittanica. I recommend using Google Scholar for terms you're not familiar with, and taking quick notes so that you don't have to google them all over again each time. if you think you have enough context with a new word but aren't 100%, keep reading and use other clues. think about academic reading like learning a new language. the strategies are very similar! because it basically is.

I recommend using the annotation strategies i just mentioned in this post (and/or developing your own). i also recommend looking up Puar's talks on youtube - she's a well-known scholar who does a lot of events, and has spoken extensively about this book and its genealogy (especially in relation to praxis / Palestinian liberation). You can also read her talk with the hosts of Death Panel, my absolute favorite podcast.

Below, I'm going to give you an example of how I close-read, annotate, and analyze a paragraph from Right to Maim (and, by extension, other academic texts. This strategy may not work for you 100%, but hopefully it gives you some solid suggestions. Overall, remember that learning to read scholarly work takes time. A long ass time. Even when it's about things you've experienced yourself! Academia has its own conventions, verbiage, knowledge base, etc, and it's a learning curve for everyone. Don't expect yourself to read as fast or get as much as someone more familiar with the conventions of academic writing - anticipate reading all of these works many, many times, and getting more with each reading. Progress is more important than perfection, and improvement, even if slow, *will* happen, as long as you don't give up. <3

Below is a quote from the preface to Right to Maim, where Puar lays out her argument. I recommend everyone highlight/remember paragraphs like these (pretty much every ac text will have something like this in the beginning as a roadmap) to anchor their reading practice and help them get the most from a book (emphasis mine):

In The Right to Maim, I focus less on an impor­tant proj­ect of disability rights and disability studies, which is to refute disability as lack, as inherently undesirable, and as the sign, evidence, or fetish of injustice and victimhood. I am not sidestepping this issue. Rather, I centralize the quest for justice to situate what material conditions of possibility are necessary for such positive reenvisionings of disability to flourish, and what happens when those conditions are not available. My goal ­here is to examine how disability is produced, how certain bodies and populations come into biopoliti­cal being through having greater risk to become disabled than ­others. The difference between disability and debility that I schematize is not derived from expounding upon and contrasting phenomenological experiences of corporeality, but from evaluating the vio­lences of biopo­liti­cal risk and metrics of health, fertility, longevity, education, and geography.

In the bolded part, Puar outlines what she's not doing: she's not taking a mainstream (white, colonial) disability studies approach, which is, in her words, to refute disability as "lack." She's stating that her goal isn't simply to prove disabled people as equal to able-bodied people, or to claim that disability can be good and liberating (though it is/can be!). Her point is to look at the conditions in which people become disabled, and stay disabled. Often, these conditions are violent and unjust. Acknowledging this injustice kinda throws a wrench into western models of disability pride.

So, if she's not interested in just arguing that disability ≠ badness, what is she arguing? she's looking, in the latter half of the paragraph, to how people become disabled in multiple ways. One, using the verbiage in the book, she's interested in how people become debilitated - physically incapacitated in a way that may not line up with the social category of "disability"). She's also interested in how "disability" as a social identity is constructed - that is, why do disability rights groups look at Palestinians maimed by the IOF and see an injured civilian, but not a disabled comrade? words and context matter immensely. she's looking at why, and what are the implications.

that last sentence sums up the distinction she's making: "The difference between disability and debility that I schematize is not derived from expounding upon and contrasting phenomenological experiences of corporeality, but from evaluating the vio­lences of biopo­liti­cal risk and metrics of health, fertility, longevity, education, and geography."

the difference, she argues, between disability as western disability studies sees it and debility as experienced by people under colonial occupation isn't because we experience our bodyminds differently, or because Palestinians (for example) magically aren't as hurt by occupation as their white/western counterparts would be. rather, the reason she's using debility over disability is because the category of disability isn't objective: it's informed by biopolitical forces such as the ones she listed. her meta-argument is that what we call "disability" can't be divorced from its settler colonial context, not because colonized peoples are immune to disabling violence, but because the category of disability (and health, and violence) is itself affected by settler colonialism.

in "right to maim," Puar is offering a major shift in the way we collectively discuss disability, because the category is not applied equally across sociopolitical, geographical context. it means Palestinians and others living under occupation are either left out entirely, or unsuccessfully co-opted into western-/colonizer-centric disability discourse that doesn't acknowledge the different conditions under which they live. ultimately, "right to maim" means to make that difference, and its implications, visible.

Let me know if this makes sense! it's wordy and tedious, but lots of academic texts are. i hope that breakdown helps you make some more sense of Puar's main argument/the architecture of the text, and maybe serves as a model for future engagement. :)

[prettygirl-gabi]

Something more

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Rating: General Audiences

Warning: fluff

Category:F/M

Fandom: SEVENTEEN (SVT) (boyband)

Relationships: !high school student Jeonghan x ! High school f reader

Summary: being rivals was just a cover up for true feelings

Trope: academic rivals

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Hiiiii everyone who is reading! Welcome to the second installment of my new mini series called "Oi! Not this again!" They do not have to be read together or in order! I hope you all enjoy!

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I never thought I'd end up here—with Yoon Jeonghan, of all people. From the beginning, we were always at each other's throats, and it seemed as if the universe found some cosmic joke in pitting us against one another. If he said black, I’d say white. It was almost like a dance, one we’d been perfecting for years.

The history class bell had just rung, and I was collecting my books when I heard that all too familiar voice.

“Well, look who’s struggling again. Need help with basic history, y/n?” Jeonghan sneered, his smirk evident even before I looked up.

"Very original, Jeonghan," I shot back, rolling my eyes. "But I don't need help from someone who can't tell the difference between the Renaissance and the Enlightenment."

His eyebrows shot up in mock surprise. "Oh, someone’s been studying. Keep it up, y/n, and maybe someday you'll reach my level."

I gathered my things without another word, refusing to let him get under my skin. If only he knew what I was going through... but he couldn’t and wouldn’t, because he was Yoon Jeonghan.

Days went by, our interactions filled with the same biting remarks and cold stares, until one late afternoon. I had stayed back to finish an extra credit assignment, my eyes drooping and my head heavy with exhaustion. Suddenly, a shadow fell across my desk.

“Burning the midnight oil, are we?” Jeonghan’s voice was softer this time, almost concerned.

“What do you want?” I snapped, not in the mood for another round of his mockery.

“Relax, y/n. I was just passing by.” He hesitated before adding, “You don’t look so good. Everything okay?”

My walls momentarily crumbled, and before I could catch myself, I blurted out, “Not that it's any of your business, but no, it's not.”

Jeonghan took a seat beside me, crossing his arms. “Try me.”

Despite every instinct telling me not to, I found myself spilling everything—my parents’ recent separation, the pressure of college applications, the feeling of being utterly overwhelmed. To my surprise, he didn’t interrupt, didn’t offer any snide comments. He just listened.

After I finished, he sighed. “That’s tough, y/n. I had no idea.”

“Of course you didn’t,” I replied bitterly. “We just... fight all the time.”

“I know and... I’m sorry.” His sincerity was a new look on him, and for the first time, his eyes didn’t seem so antagonistic.

Weeks passed, and we fell into an unexpected rhythm. Our arguments turned into discussions, barbs transformed into jokes. Our classmates noticed and whispered, but I didn’t care. Neither did he.

One crisp autumn day, as we walked out of the library together, our fingers brushed accidentally. I pulled away, but he gently grabbed my hand.

“You know,” he said, staring at our intertwined fingers, “I never really hated you. I just didn’t know how else to get your attention.”

“Same here,” I admitted. “Well, except for the history quips.”

He laughed, the sound warm and genuine. “So, what do we do now?”

I took a deep breath, feeling lighter than I had in months. “We try. We see where this... thing between us goes.”

Jeonghan smiled, that familiar smirk taking a softer edge. “I’d like that.”

And with that, the tides turned. From enemies to tentative friends, and maybe—just maybe—something even more.

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Thank You For Reading! 🩵🩶

-Prettygirl-gabi🎀

[pistatsia]

I also wasn’t a fan of ness backstory but would love to hear your personal opinions on why you didn’t like it as much?

I HAVE SO FUCKING MUCH TO SAY-

T/w for excessive amount of hate and oversharing lmao

Well, in the beginning I'd like to say that I grown up in some shitty circumstances which resulted in me having some, uhhh, Ness-classical problems so I may be biased here 😭 Rather not "may" but "will". How can I continue to relate to him when he's like that. Like that's not a representation I wanted. Where's emotional deprivation? Where's emotional abuse? Where's his unsuccessful attempts to get his parents and siblings love because no, lol, no 7 yo child will just accept that he's outcast and be ok with that. He should have tried to adjust to them, he should have tried to reach them, satisfy, do at least something for them to care about him BECAUSE THAT'S HOW CHILD PSYCHE WORKS. And where else would he get this people pleasing towards Kaiser if not from the family? Kids need love for survival, it's not optional. It's a need. They can't just say "oh yes my parents and siblings are stupid I'm going to be alone from now on!".

Okay, now in the order.

First of all, we get the scene of Ness mother saying him he should cure his finger himself, even comforting him while saying that with her "chance of you dying from it is incredibly low". Bad words, bad phrasing, bad everything, it's like to say "dentist just gonna use this drill to take your rotting teeth off" to a kid but still - it's not direct scolding or hate. It's bad, but care. And like, yes?? It was quite a normal parental behavior, even if not really sensitive? You can't be near your kid all the time, they should know how to help themselves because one day you WON'T be there for them. It's a normal way of raising a kid if you don't want for him to grow up weak-willed and helpless. Bad way to approach that, but still. She even mentions that he shouldn't bother her with every LITTLE cut - she'd care for him instantly with something serious. Since we get this flashback from Ness from his following age, we can conclude that he still cherishes that memory as something which hurt him deeply and which was incredibly cruel from his mother to say, forming his personality. And that's… At least strange.

I mean, I also have a story when I cut my finger really deep as a 5 yo and my dad said smth like "go and spit on it and don't bother me" but I won't say it was turning point in our relationship lol But it was valuable in addition to all of other fucked up shit. Otherwise I wouldn't have remembered it at all.

I'm not saying that my experience is the only relevant but child's psyche, especially with some predisposing towards anxiety and personality disorders, has basically the same algorithms. Because till the transitional age child is like a clay, not having it's own form yet. He just adjusts to his family and surroundings.

Memories like that are the ones which CAN be turning points but ONLY in addition to other. They can't be, like. Definition of how your relationship were. It's one small insignificant episode.

Reaching the next scene - Ness reading his book and asking his brother and sister AGAIN about some magical something. Do I need to say that any kid would be irritated if their younger sibling will go and whine around about something you don't like, and again again and again when you have not once said that "that's nonsense I don't like"? It's a normal reaction for kids. They're not grown adults to control their each and every action understanding Ness fragile psychology.

Also, I mean- he got that fantasy book from somewhere, right? He is little kid ~6 or 7 yo, I believe there's few ways for kid to get one. Even if it was gifted by his grandparents or family's friends, or taken from the school library, it's not that his parents have teared the pages from this book. He reads it quite calmly, not hiding - and even demonstrates it to his siblings. His parents allowed him to read such books. No one was REALLY against him reading about something he liked. Not understanding, yes, being bad emotionally repressed family, yes, offending him in some way, probably not really caring, but… It's not that bad as Ness tries to show, at least from the side of his mother and siblings.

Secondly - snowman 💀. Lol, Ness, sorry but have you heard about Rin + Sae drama? About Barou and his little sisters because of which he probably has this obsessive compulsive thing with cleanliness? I love my little brother deeply, but for god's sake he was awful as a kid, the type that will put the hand in the fire and in socket just because I said "you can't do it it's dangerous". Even if we really got along despite the different attitude towards us from our parents, we still fought, and screamed, and got scandals over the laptop. It's a normal part of growing up with siblings.

Not just normal, but obligatory.

And… Ness' brother and sister actually tried to get along with him till some point, even if in their own way. They tried to make him fit into their world because somehow, but they loved him, and wanted him to be more or less happy and near them. They couldn't understand his passion for magic, they couldn't realize - but they had their parents as example, and they knew that while two of them fit into their parents world, Ness doesn't. And thus both magic book scenes and snowman one were a normal reaction from young kids - Ness irritated them, being too loud, and speaking some nonsense because of which they couldn't play and research together, all three of them. That wouldn't be a normal reaction from grown ups, but once again - they're kids. Siblings. Destined to ruin each other's things lol

Thirdly - no one with dirty hands should enter the house, go and wash them. ????? How is that even??? Maybe they'll also ask him to take his shoes off in the wardrobe? The cruelty of parents.

His mother even explains him why he should wash the hands before coming in. Like- I don't want to dig into psychology of two-frames character, but she looks incredibly emotionless and deathly tired. She has three kids and work at home for god's sake. And she STILL finds time to explain Ness how sounds and snow works, probably trying to comfort him somehow. She loves him, just as she loves her other kids - she tries to comfort him in her own way.

Should she have had three children if she didn't feel the need to take care of their every issue, including emotional? No. Does she cut down her children and husband when they offend Ness? Also no. Is it possible to understand her? Absolutely yes.

Through his dad indeed is a jerk lol but I feel that he's not really present in the family? It's usually her and Ness and his siblings. Imagine having a full ass house, in which she works full-time, three 5-9 yo one of whom is constantly injuring himself, and with two others probably fucking up their experiments and her work as well without her husband around. Like…

And the fact that Ness doesn't analyze anything at all, placing himself in a victim position not trying to understand that world doesn't revolve around him and other people don't understand him by default and act the way they think is right and good for him, is, uhhh. Note that "understand" doesn't mean "forgive". It's just about a critical view to the world.

Aaand regarding the kainess flashbacks… I can't say anything because it was just bland and stupid.

Overall I got a feeling that this was just lazy writing with cute kids fanservice so we'd be more invested in the last game with PXG. I mean, those scenes with milk, shower and oversleeping? I can imagine there any other pairing in blue lock - nagireo, bachisagi, kunigiri, etc etc etc. There's nothing special, nothing unique for us to actual feel something towards kainess. It's just a template into which familiar faces have been substituted - and totally OOC.

No toxic dynamic, especially the codependent one kainess have, works like THAT at the start. Even at the sugary period when one non-self-aware manipulator instinctively tries to bend other to himself being nice and everything. Ness behavior towards Kaiser also makes no sense - those things are ALWAYS growing from experience. From the need to please your parents, to try to track your every word, walking on a thin ice.

But Ness never shown such things in his flashbacks, never taking back from telling each and everyone about magic and him being a football player. Then where did this attitude got from? Just from loneliness? It still doesn't work like that THIS HIGH like to the level of enduring physical pain and alcohol in the face.

I low-key hope that Ness is unreliable narrator, so we actually DO NOT see the way his real relationship with Kaiser were at this time. We see only memories and impressions, and his memory saving only good from them - thus it may (PLEASE) happen that from Kaiser's POV it will be totally different.

The last thing about kainess I SOMEHOW liked (because I'm sure it wasn't intentional writing from Kaneshiro) is the way Ness reacts to Kaiser choking. Because he pays no reaction to it - and no real friend/lover would react like that for the sight of your dear person suffering. He doesn't care about Kaiser as of Kaiser - the thing I suspected from the beginning but didn't really liked because that's so predictable and dull. He doesn't even know about Kaiser's habit of choking himself. He doesn't really worry about Kaiser - he worries only about his idol, which he doesn't see a human behind. This was a fun thing to think about prior to this chapter because of the potential of angst from Kaiser's side who'd feel how this "love" is synthetic to the core, but I'm not sure I'd love to see this in the manga. But at least this would be yes, realistic, logical and painful, especially in that "Yoichi's magic" and naked king theme.

The only thing I really 100% liked without any whining from my side was that "undescribable feelings/undescribable sadness" frame because lmao 🤝🤝🤝 At least here you get it Ness. This frame is engraved in my memory.

At this point I feel that I dislike backstory not because it was necessary bad or stupid, but because I hate the thought of Ness turning out being so… Flat. So ridiculously touchy, so stubborn for no reason like a ram since a very childhood, so lacking critical thinking skills. So limited, so self-centered (which is visible even in that Kaiser choking himself scene).

Such a completely uninteresting character, predictable and causing only indifference towards himself.

[flambeaufelid]

Warrior Cats Chronological Liveblogging Masterpost

Edit: this project is no longer active. :/ hope to get back to it someday, but my hopes aren't high.

Hello, and welcome to my attempt to read through all of Erin Hunter's "Warrior's" (AKA "Warrior Cats") books, in the order shown here. I've previously read basically everything released before the third Dawn of the Clans book, so ~half of these wont be blind reactions, though it's been so long since I read these that I don't remember a lot of them well. Still, understand that this blog will often contain spoilers for books other than the one a post is about, as I reference future material!

Dawn of the clans:

The Sun Trail:

Prologue and chapter 1

...And that's all for now. Hit keep reading if you wanna hear why I'm doing any of this though.

Warrior cats means a lot to me.

Growing up, I had a strange relationship with reading. Until I turned about five and really tried to read a book for the first time, I was convinced that I hated reading. Then once I'd tried it, I loved it, but was convinced that I'd only be able to understand kids books or manga.

Of course, I was wrong. I was more capable than I thought. But bigger, more serious books... they were strangely intimidating to me.

So. One day, me and my sister are at swimming lessons, but there's enough of an age gap that we weren't in the same class. We'd both have to wait like half an hour for each other to be done.

I had made the mistake of not bringing anything to do. But my sister had.

Warriors books. But specifically, the manga.

Warriors having manga spinoffs is one of the weirdest marketing gimmicks ever, but it worked very well on me. A more traditional book might have scared me off.

With no other options, I picked up- if I remember correctly- Tigerstar Sasha book three.

For the record, this is an absolutely CURSED way to get into these books. It was so far disconnected from the main series that it was practically it's own thing. Not to mention it was the finale of this little spin-off.

Still, it was mildly entertaining.

And then a kitten fucking drowns.

That's fine. After all, there's no way they would really kill off a literal kitten. I continued reading.

But it never showed up again.

I reached the end of the book. Kitten still dead.

I leaned back on the uncomfortable poolside bench, mind fucking reeling. It was the most brutal thing I'd ever read. I felt a little sick to my stomach.

But, oh how I wanted more.

I proceeded to read every Warriors manga my sister had brought. Then every manga my library had.

This continued to be a cursed way to read this stuff. The clans are portrayed as distant, ambiguously villainous, and almost irrelevant. The characters the manga feature are fucking bizarre. They occasionally do weird things to the cannon.

But I loved it all. I wanted more.

But I didn't get more. I ran out.

There was no other option. If I wanted to read more Warriors, I'd have to read the books.

...I didn't start with the first one. But I got to it eventually. I got to them all.

I credit Warriors with making me truly love reading. It's a debt I cannot repay. The Erins are responsible for making me the person that I am today.

So it's a shame that. Uh. The books are...

....................not always very good.

In fact, Warriors kinda sucks sometimes. It's worldbuilding is nonsense, it's characters are idiots, and the books are so repetitive that there are tons of scenes you could take out of context, remove the names from, and then show me... And I'd have trouble telling you what arc they were from, much less what specific book.

I've tried to do this whole "read Warriors chronologically" like five times. I don't think I've ever gotten past sun trail.

The hope is that if I make this blog, maybe I'll be able to keep with it enough to get properly re-invested. Not to mention that one of my motivations for wanting to get back into the series is the distant idea that I'll write some fanfic- so, these posts can act as notes about things I found interesting, that I can possibly refer back to.

Also, I've heard some fucking crazy shit about the newer books I've not read. I so desperately want to know the details.

It's a long road I walk now.

[elenajohansenreads]

I went to Barnes & Noble yesterday

for my birthday, because I had one new(ish) and one very old gift card to burn. ($20.00 and $1.19, as it turned out; I genuinely don't remember when I got the old one, I found it sitting at the bottom of the junk drawer and wasn't sure it had anything left on it at all.)

I don't think I'd been since before the pandemic; I used to go a lot as a teenager living at home with my bibliophile mother, then less and less as the years went on, and even in the late 2010s pre-pandemic, barely at all because I had discovered the cheapest source of random physical books to try reading, my library system's constant cycle of used book sales.

I know this is hitting me late, and it's going to keep hitting me at surprising times, but I was totally overwhelmed. Not by people (it wasn't that busy and it's a very open space) but by the sheer volume of books, and thus, my choices.

I didn't go in with a plan of what to buy. I used to pick up bargain books there a lot; random cookbooks that looked interesting, or discounted journals, sometimes even fiction hardcovers that were deeply marked down because they didn't sell all that well and the store needed them gone.

I looked through the bargain section (though it's been rebranded and moved to a different place in the store, I could tell by the stock that it was the bargain section) and didn't find a single thing I wanted. I have the internet for recipes instead of cookbooks (half the YouTube we watch are cooking channels!) and they didn't have any fiction I wanted and I definitely didn't need any of the random "learn to do X craft" kits because I pretty much know how to do all of those already.

Which meant I was going to buy actual books and I was not prepared.

I wandered around for a bit and started to feel really pressured; not by my husband, who was with me but perfectly happy to wander around himself and not hustle me out of the store, but by myself, and the feeling of "I'm a writer and book nerd, I write reviews of every book I read basically for fun at this point, why the fuck can't I decide what to buy."

I ended up checking my Storygraph app to remind myself what was on my TBR, combined with the vague knowledge of "oh yeah I can't get this easily from the library system so let's see if they have it in stock."

(I haven't organized my entire TBR this way, but I do have some of it broken down by availability: I can get this from Hoopla, this from Libby, this from my local library branch, but these I would have to request, and so on. I'm trying to work through my TBR now oldest to newest for the most part, but some things are definitely hung up by availability, because buying a book feels like A Big Investment if I have to get it full price in order to read it at all, and I'm not sure I'll want to keep it; shelf space is always at a premium.)

Finally, I walked out with Chemistry by Weike Wang and The Setting Sun by Osamu Dazai, and no more gift cards burning a hole in my junk drawer, mission accomplished.

I'm not even sure yet if this experience makes me want to go back more often (to less the feeling of being overwhelmed through exposure) or never again (because feeling imposter syndrome in a bookstore was so deeply fucking unpleasant, why couldn't I just enjoy being in a bookstore without feeling like I didn't belong there when that's utterly ridiculous.)

[ilikereadingactually]

Picturebook roundup: November 2023

since leaving children's bookselling i have missed, and felt woefully out of touch with, the picturebook scene! so i keep a list of books i want to take a look at, and this week i requested a stack from my public library. below are some casual reviews in the order the books appear in the photo above, which is to say no particular order, just how they came to hand. also age recommendations, which are only that--recommendations! i strongly believe that there are picturebooks for every age, including adults, and the age ranges i give are just where i think the most likely interest is. ymmv as far as your own interest or that of your loved ones!

Evergreen by Matthew Cordell

an extremely charming story about a young squirrel learning how to go out into her world and feel safe. i LOVE the art, no surprise because Cordell is a fave of mine, and i love the way this book is separated into (very short) chapters, it gives the progression and repetition of the story some extra sophistication. it's a view of the world outside the home as a community, where the unknown might feel frightening but requires a second look, a little understanding and openness, and a little trust. there's also a little bit of a Red Riding Hood thing going on, with fun mishaps instead of tragedy.

age rec: i'd put this in the 4-8 range. There's more text than a lot of picturebooks, so it's great for a kid who can sit and listen to a longer story, and also great for kids who are reading early readers and simple chapter books on their own.

a bit i really liked: the expressions here really delight me, that little frog omg O_O

more under the cut!

***

Big by Vashti Harrison

i think this book is really delicately done, given the target age! about a little girl who likes to dance, and is consistently told that she's too big (meaning too fat, and the ways this is implied but never said rang painfully true to me). the imagery is especially powerful; in comparison to the other people in the story, this little girl starts out very bright, chubby and a little taller than other kids, and the more she is told she's too big, the larger and more faded she becomes, until she's so big she can't fit in a single page of the book anymore, and has to break out and confront everything that's hurt her. it's the kind of thing that could go too far in a number of different directions and be trite, or insulting, or just too subtle, but instead it's very lovely and made me pretty weepy. there's a quiet racial element here too--the little girl is Black, and as far as i remember everyone who offers hurtful commentary on her body appears white (sepia, because of what the art is doing, but with thin and white-seeming features and hair).

age rec: the text is very simple, so this one could go as young as 2 or 3, and as old as the message--that fat people are good as we are--is relevant.

a bit i really liked: the way this image drives home how oversized and unwieldy this child has been made to feel, and also how totally ignored! her vibrance has faded! MOOD

***

Ancestory: The Mystery and Majesty of Ancient Cave Art by Hannah Salyer

a very cool book, with beautiful art! this one does what it says on the tin and presents ancient cave art for a young audience, with basic facts and interesting questions that don't have any answers. i particularly appreciated the details about what kinds of materials would have been used to create cave art, and the time and effort that would have been put into these works, being added to over time. artistically, i loved the way the style of the illustrations matched the various kinds of cave art being discussed, and the way these unknown ancestors were portrayed in almost smoky-looking silhouette, shadowy and hard to pin down the details of, because they are so long gone that we don't have that many details. and the back matter is great, including a very cool map of the locations of known cave art! i wish there was a little more back matter, actually, but for a child reader i think it's just right.

age rec: i would put this one around the 4-8 range. not as much text as Evergreen, but a little more complex conceptually, and i think given the back matter it could easily be enjoyed by slightly older kids too if they have a particular interest.

a bit i really liked: this page made me cry. i ALSO take the time to create!!!

***

Mr. S: A First Day of School Book by Monica Arnaldo

DELIGHTFUL! a class of kids arrive for the first day of school to find a classroom without a teacher--until they notice "Mr. S" written on the board, and a charming sandwich with olive eyes and a ham slice tongue. they have a great first day of school under the eyes of Mr. S, while subtly outside the window the human who wrote "Mr. S" on the board before the kids arrived is dealing with a continuing series of disasters befalling his car. the ending was a perfect twist, i laughed a ton, and the art is very cute.

age rec: ideal for 4-6 imo, but can definitely go younger if the kid is in preschool and so understands some of the concepts of what school is, and can go older as a very fun read for teachers and educators.

a bit i really liked: their expressions T^T

***

Do You Remember? by Sydney Smith

a beautiful, quiet book. a mother and son curled together in bed share memories, the room growing lighter each time we return to them. the memories include a father, and a move, but don't make it explicit what has happened to separate them. The memories themselves are displayed in a series of snapshots, the perspectives changing depending on whether the mother or the child is recalling it, and the art style is very dreamy and soft and beautiful. in the end, the child shows us the view outside their window, and suggests they create new memories in their new home. i ADORE dreamy, emotional, subtle books like this, i feel like more than half the picturebooks in my home library have these qualities.

age rec: i'd say 4-8, younger for particularly emotionally aware kids, older as a comfort to any kid or adult going through a separation, a move, or some other bittersweet and difficult life change.

a bit i really liked: this memory struck me as particularly visually lovely

***

The Truth About Max by Alice and Martin Provensen

this is one of those meandering kind of books. very simple, a pleasant ride, and of course very charming and loose and clever artwork, because it's the Provensens, whose work i have loved for a long time. they're both gone now, and this is a story dug out from their archives, which is a thing that i always have kind of mixed feelings about--on the one hand, it is exciting to suddenly have "new" work from people you never expected to see work from again; on the other hand, often posthumously published works were not published in the creators' lifetime because they were fine, pleasant, but not amazing. this book has charm! it has Max, who appears in other books of theirs! it's quiet and a bit funny and does nothing more stressful than follow a mischievous cat around a farm. i enjoyed the experience of it, and it's already slipping from my memory.

age rec: maybe 3-6 ish, depending on the temperament of the kid! this is a slow and quiet kind of book, which can be great for one kid and not attention grabbing enough for another. it's also pretty pragmatic--Max is a farm cat, a hunter, who spends some time considering whether the baby chicks could be his lunch. it's also definitely a read-aloud, because the text is handwritten in cursive, which is a beautiful overall look but would be difficult for kids who are learning to read on their own.

a bit i really liked: this cat is so shaped

***

Ancient Night by David Álvarez and David Bowles

i love the art in this, it's so luminous! a lovely, simple book that twists and combines a number of Mesoamerican stories, in which a rabbit fills up the jug of the moon every night with precious glowing aguamiel, and a possum cracks a hole in the jug to taste the aguamiel himself. in the end, they solve the problem of the now-moonless night together, and become the guardians of night and day. it would be a lovely read aloud, and there's a Spanish language version too, and some nice back matter about the stories this is drawing from! definitely a great way to diversify any collection of creation myths or fables.

age rec: i'd put this one around 2-7; the text is sparse enough for a toddler who can sit still for a story, but it has that timelessness of myths explaining how the natural world works that I think holds appeal for kids and grownups both.

a bit i really liked: just look at that glow!!

[thorraborinn]

I have a question that is more anarchist than anything but basically would it be a betrayal of my anarchistic morals to accept a job offer as an insurance agent in training through Farmers Insurance?

I'm gonna rephrase a little to get at the heart of what you're really asking, because we both know that using the imbalance of power and resources between customers and a corporation to generate profit for the latter (and that's when it's working like it's supposed to) is not compatible with anarchism, but that's also what most jobs are, and that almost all of us are forced to do things we hate in order to survive under capitalism. What you're actually trying to figure out is whether this is a level of compromise that you can grit your teeth through, or if it's actually integrating with the architecture of oppression like, say, becoming a cop would be. And unfortunately, I literally just straight-up don't know enough about insurance companies or what kind of incentives they have to do things like deny coverage or whatever, or if there's opportunity to leverage your position to tip the scales in favor of policyholders (but I strongly suspect not) to have any insight there. Surely you have better tools at your disposal for figuring that out than I do, but I get that you don't want to get knee-deep in it and then have the moment of realization.

But yeah I don't think there's any way you should expect to be able to do this and keep your conscience totally clean, and the fact that we mostly don't get to survive and feel totally good about how we're doing it is a reason to be anarchist in the first place. Don't take the job and then retrofit an explanation for why it's actually fine. It's better to betray your values openly and honestly and to understand it as a condition of a system we're trying to destroy than to be manipulated by it.

Also, read this: https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/lorenzo-kom-boa-ervin-racist-insurance-racket. I don't know how much it applies to what you would be doing but I'd honestly find it surprising if the depersonalized, quantified data used to calculate rates doesn't produce disparities along racial lines even if that isn't written into the formulas directly.

The only sort of ancillary thing I can think to add is that a severely overlooked need that could be addressed using a mutual aid model but largely isn't, is helping people navigate bureaucracies like insurance companies. I've met a lot of homeless people who are technically, on-the-book entitled to money that they don't know how to fight for or don't have the resources (ability to travel, computer access, etc). I'm not submitting this as an idea for how to make up for harm done because I just don't believe in that sort of moral bookkeeping, just pointing out that also, separately, this is a need, and doing it would be good in a way that's completely separate from your question.

(For the record, yes, all this applies to every job I've ever had, and is one of the main things that made me an anarchist).

[fractallogic]

every time I think about what I have to do to make myself feel less stressed, the scream from Immigrant Song goes off in my head (but it's sharper than what's actually in the song, so it really sucks)

I'm going to try to real quick just list out the stuff I have to do to wrangle my brain

roughly in order of priority:

guest lecture (+slides) for the psylx class on monday (there will be no pre-class time to prep for it; has to be done tonight)

pay (and file) taxes ASAP

call photographer for wedding album ASAP (not actually urgent but it's been on my list since like. november.)

read and make slides for two papers for tuesday

post grades for discussion and reading comments

read article summaries, post grades

respond to the person's email from like two weeks ago at this point about the project we were supposed to start last term

send email to CW folks to apologize profusely and say I can't do next year (not like they would hire me back after this year!!! gotta beat 'em to the punch!!!)

that's what I wanted to get done this weekend because like. I am so behind on it, except for the class stuff, which I would like to continue NOT being behind on. feels like a reasonable amount (when you consider I have three students). like enough to have an actual weekend for part of it. but now... lolfuck.

and of course there was more stuff I wanted to do both late last week when I was dealing with migraines/sludge brain (which I'm now realizing is pre-migraine brain) and this weekend

review code for stats consult meeting on monday

maybe reschedule the meeting now that we're apparently not meeting for that paper until at least friday?

read and make slides for thursday's papers

finish the (2-3, I think) Q1 contracts???? at least?????

read the two articles for the other paper

put all of the refs for section 2 as zotero refs

see when RA is able to get responses collated so I can do basic stats on them

continue collating the edits that need to be done on the done chapters

finish up sections of ch 8 on language nests and nicaraguan sign

get the other edition of the experiment programmed and set up to run online with student participants

give lab UGs first crack at being paid to record stimuli for the next-next iteration

if we still need speakers, RA can draft a flyer

read something out of any of the books I have out from the library because theoretically they're useful for my research

do a little bit of digging on how to do a word-learning study with school-age kids

re-pot the aloe and orchid and a bunch of spider plant offshoots

other self-care things like doing yoga and taking really long walks outside since it's finally nice out this weekend

it's hard to do things when your executive functioning is shot and you're overwhelmed by "okay I have to ... OPEN??? documents???? god" because apparently right now that is too many steps. like I've realized I literally have to list out the things I need to open to do something right now BEFORE I EVEN OPEN THEM. like "oh shoot I forgot I said I would give a guest lecture on my current projects next week, I need to write some slides for that" means stress about when is the class, where is the class, did I say I'd do it monday or wednesday, how do I want to talk about what I'm doing, what did I give them as an example to read, etc etc etc, which means I need to very purposefully think through how I would find out the answers to all those questions, and by the time I've done that, well, there goes a bunch of brainpower. fewer things can get done today. guess I'm sacrificing the grocery store until tomorrow or sth.

i mean it all comes down to how I'm an overambitious idiot who was like oh fuck yeah I'll take on all these projects and do these things because it's gOoD fOr My CV and/or possible non-ac aspirations, and then I go oh no this was a terrible mistake when all of them are due at the same fucking time (and the stuff I had to put off is now coming back around to also have to be done at the same time). I really do need to have that punch card of "say no to nine things and you can have an ice cream" I saw on twitter yesterday. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[pretoriafics]

Russian Roulette - Pt. 4

In this series, you will find: Alternative Universe, Soulmate plot, Angst, Fluff. In this chapter, you will find: Things finally make sense, and now you can fight. Word count: 2.069 Pairings: Reader x Platonic! Scott and Stiles Original characters of this chapter: Haytham, your brand new mentor. Warnings: English is not my main language <3 Yeah, it was based on Russian Roulette by Rihanna Russian Roulette series: Chapter Three | Chapter Five RUSSIAN ROULETTE MASTERLIST TEEN WOLF MASTERLIST

It wasn't hard to find the address the lady wrote you. That address took you to the limits of Beacon Hills, in a lonely and old church on the top of a hill. The wooden doors were open, so you came in.

"Hello? Mr. Haytham Conwell?"

You aren't seeing anybody. Actually, the church was pretty silent. Maybe you came to the wrong place...

"I've never seen you here."

You turn and see an old man, with an eyeglass on his face. He seems so confused as you.

"Oh, hi, good morning!" You give him a smile "I'm (Y/N). Do you know where I can find Mr. Haytham Conwell?"

"I am Haytham Conwell, lady. What do you need in the lord's house?"

Oh, you found him!

"Someone told me you can help me to find answers."

"What kind of answers?"

"A few friends of mine were hiding a secret, but now..." You let out a long sigh "I think this secret is worse than I thought. I mean, maybe you'll think I'm insane and-"

"Who sent you here?"

His expression became darker and, despite thinking about how an old priest could help you, you tell him the story about the ginger woman at the restaurant. Haytham's eyes become wider, scared.

"Show me your arms." He said, commanding.

You look at him, completely confused. What does he want to see in your arms?

"What?"

"Now!"

It was your turn to widen your eyes. You take off your jacket and show your empty arms for him. Haytham narrowed his eyes. To see your arms wasn't enough for him.

"Follow me." He ordered.

Without saying any word more, you'd followed him through the spiral stairs, going upstairs. He pulls an old key from his pocket and opened an old wooden door, revealing a huge library. Haytham points to a mirror that was close to a few tables.

"Go there, to the mirror. I need to see your back."

You blink your eyes repeatedly, without understanding why he needs all of this. Well, considering that a lot of things you don't understand have been happening, you had just obeyed him. You stopped in front of the mirror and Haytham stopped close to you, pulling your shirt a little up.

"Ha! I knew it the moment I saw you! The Devil's Mark!"

Your eyes go to the mirror.

"Oh my God. I haven't seen it before."

It was red lines through your spine, just like someone had slid nails on your skin. However, that lines were forming a quote. Haytham read it.

"Ad Lunae Lumina!"

You pull your shirt down, scared.

"What does it mean?"

"It means 'In the Moonlight', in Latin. Selene let a mark on you. More will be appearing with the time. Your mark is still being created. When it finishes, it will be like this."

Haytham pulls his shirt up and shows you his mark. However, his marks were different: Instead of red lines, he had black lines - just like a tattoo, with the same quote as you.

You sat on the chair close to you. What the hell?!

"What are all of this? I can't understand!"

He pulls his shirt down and sits in the chair in front of you.

"One step at the time, child. I think you should learn the basics first. The ginger woman was the only strange thing you saw?"

You denied with a shake of your head and begun to tell about the things that happened on the night of the party. He hit the table, making you jump in the chair.

"Werewolves!"

"I thought werewolves were just Hollywood things."

"No, they're not. Stay away from that friend of yours, stay away from Derek. They are Devil servants. I know it, I've been fighting against these creatures my entire life."

"But they saved my life!"

"They just want to kill you themselves! Never, ever, believe them. Come on, I'll show you something."

He got up from the chair and begun to walk between the bookshelves while you were following him. Haytham stopped in front of a huge bookshelf. He pulls a book, and both bookshelves open like a door. You'd never thought things like that would be in a church.

"Wow."

When the secret door was open, you saw an entire gun arsenal. Guns, grenades... Haytham has even swords! He looks at you.

"I'll give you a few books. You'll come here every day. I'll teach you to defend yourself and things you need to know about werewolves. Do you know how to shoot with a gun?"

"...No."

Haytham took a dagger and gave it to you. Then, he took a small gun.

"I gave you a silver dagger. Silver can harm them. This gun has silver bullets. Come on, I'll teach you to shoot."

.

"He's outside, and he wants to kill us!"

Scott wasn't sure about what else he could create to hide the fact that he, Lydia, Jackson, Allison, and Stiles were trapped in a school with a crazy Alpha. So, he lied and told that Derek was trying to kill all of them.

Desperate dominated the entire classroom they were trapped in.

"I'll call the police." Said Lydia, taking her phone.

"No!"

Stiles went in her direction, but Jackson held him. Suddenly, someone knocks on the door.

"Scott, I'd heard your voice. Open it! I'd received your message, what the hell is happening?"

Damn, it was you! Scott's heart almost stopped while he runs to the door to open for you. He pulls you inside of the room and closes the door.

"I- Hey! What are you doing?!"

"Keeping you safe!"

"Safe of what?"

"I didn't send you that message."

"...Oh. We're in trouble, aren't we?"

"Yeah."

"Fortunately, I'd brought my gun."

"Your- what?!"

You take the gun you earned from Haytham.

"My gun."

Stiles widened his eyes, while Allison let out a long sigh of relief.

"Thank god!"

Stiles comes close to you and Scott.

"Where did you got this gun? It's from Sebastian?"

"Maybe. Or maybe not." You gave them a smile "Who's trying to kill us?"

"Derek." You heard Jackson say.

You looked to Stiles and Scott. You have been visiting Haytham since last week, so you had learned a few things. You know, now, that there's some Alpha killing people in the city - the same who had tried to kill you. Considering that Scott and Stiles were there, and considering that you saw Derek's car outside, all you can conclude that was the Alpha was in the school.

"We thought that maybe we could get out of here through the ladder." You heard Allison say, pointing to the door close to you. Then, Lydia completed the info:

"But it's locked. We need the keys."

You cross your arms.

"Do you guys know where the keys are?"

"I know." You heard Scott say.

"Okay, here's the plan: You, you, you, and you," You said, pointing your finger to Stiles, Jackson, Lydia, and Allison "You stay here because we need to be discreet. Scott go take the keys and I'll cover him."

Allison got a step forward.

"No, he can't. It's too dangerous!"

Scott goes to Allison, trying to calm her down while Stiles goes talk to you.

"(Y/N) let Scott take the keys alone. You don't know what are you dealing with, you don't understand."

"Yeah Stiles, I know about what I'm dealing with. It isn't Derek."

Stiles looks at you, with his face becoming pale. Scott, with a completely terrified Allison in his arms, looks at you with the same amazement. That moment, they realized you found out the truth you were looking for. Then, you look for everyone.

"Someone should call the police. It will make him run."

Yeah, it could make sense. The Alpha wouldn't do anything with a lot of humans around. It could attract too much attention and too many hunters.

Lydia took her phone and begun to call someone. You opened the door and walk to the corridor, loading your gun with some bullets. Scott came and closes the door, and now you were completely alone with him.

"How did you found out about everything? It was from that day in the woods?" He asked, curious, while you were walking with him.

"Yeah, kind of. I met a guy who taught me a few things. He thinks you're a killer or something, but I disagree with him. You saved my life. I owe you one, puppy." You said, giving him a sweet smile. He smiles at you too. "Who's your Alpha?"

"It's complicated..."

"Oh. Got it. Where Are the keys?"

"I think it's here." Scott opens the door to the gymnasium and points his finger to the stands. "I'll take the keys. Wait here. Shout if you need something."

"If I need protection I'll shoot." You smiled at him. "Don't worry about me."

Scott goes to take the keys under the stands while you watch the environment around you, with your gun in your hands. A few seconds later, full of tension, you heard Scott.

"Found it!"

"Okay, come back, and let's get the hell outta here."

Suddenly, the stands began to close. Your heart almost stopped, while you look around, looking for something that could help Scott.

"Scott, hurry!!"

You saw Scott run in your direction, trying to escape being smashed by the stands. You gave him your hand and when he finally holds it, you pull him. Both of you fell on the floor, and the stands close.

"Damn!" You said, putting yourself on foot "You okay?"

"Yeah, you okay?"

"Yeah." You let out a long sigh "Let's go."

You and Scott began to walk in the classroom direction but, then, you saw the Alpha. It was on four paws, roaring for both of you. You took your gun up, ready to shoot, but Scott put his hand on your arm.

"Take the keys and go."

"No, I'll not leave you."

"You haven't a chance against him, you'll die!"

"But I have special bullets and some tricks."

"(Y/N), please, there's no time to be stubborn!"

The Alpha got a few steps forward and let out a roar. Scott fell on the floor, yelling in pain. He was in mutation. Damn. But you had an idea.

"Hey, moron!" You yelled in the Alpha's direction. You pull the trigger, shooting against it. He deflects of the shoot, stop roaring. Scott stopped to yell and seems like he's still under control. "This is for my lost high heels!"

You shoot again, and you hit it that time. The bullet got into the leg of the Alpha, and he let out a roar for you, in angry.

"Yeah, you know you're in trouble." You said, with your eyes narrowed. "Do you want more wolfsbane bullets? I have a lot of them to you."

Then, you shoot again, and surprisingly the Alpha back off. Scott stands up, with a heavy breath, and you shoot against the Alpha again. You shoot one, two, three times. It deflects again, letting out a low roar, looking at you. It was a warning, and you knew it.

"You know you have a problem bigger than Scott, don't you? That bullet will kill you."

Yeah, the Alpha knew about it. In a way to save itself from death, the Alpha turns itself and runs out of school. The battle has ended that day, but the war wasn't even close to being won.

"You okay, Scott?"

He was breathing heavily, but he nodded positively.

"Stay here." You said, unsure about how under control Scott was "I'll go to the classroom. Just try to stay calm. You can't lose control, okay?"

Scott nodded again, trying to stay calm. Then, you walked into the classroom's direction and opened the door. Everyone's was looking at you, scared. Allison was the first one to talk.

"Where's Scott?"

"He's fine but nervous. He needs some minutes to breathe. It's okay, guys. We can go now."

All of you heard the police coming. Relieved, everyone got out of the school quickly and terrified. While you were looking for the boys running out of school, again, you remembered the words of that ginger woman.

This truth will change your life forever, and your life will become a truly Russian roulette, girl.

Yeah, you felt a taste of it. But you know what? You kinda like this action.

[fycarmensandiego]

A chat with author Melissa Wiley

In 1996, HarperCollins published six Carmen Sandiego chapter books, featuring VILE villains from the then-current "Deluxe"/"CD-ROM"/"Classic" generation of computer games and a new lineup of Acme agents, headed by a Black female Chief (Lynne Thigpen ha impact), and focusing on kid detectives Maya and Ben.

The series included two books each by two writing teams and one solo act, Melissa Peterson. I got in touch with Melissa, who now uses the pen name Melissa Wiley, and she graciously answered some questions about writing the Carmen books and beyond.

To get you caught up to my knowledge before the interview, here's Melissa's website, and here's her bio as printed in the two Carmen books (accompanied by the caricature above):

Melissa Peterson is the author of several books for young readers. Born in Alamogordo, New Mexico, she has lived in eight different states and visited Germany and France. She has never ridden a dolphin, but she did eat a great deal of sour cherry ice cream outside the cathedral in Cologne. [Note: These are both references to plot points in Hasta la Vista, Blarney.] Her research for Hasta la Vista, Blarney included many hours playing Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? An official ACME Master Detective, she lives in New York City with her husband and young daughter.

FYCS: Thanks so much for agreeing to this interview.

Melissa Wiley: What a fun blast from the past! The Carmen books were my first professional writing gig and I had so much fun working on them.

That's so exciting to hear! With that being the case, how did you get involved with the books?

I was an assistant editor at HarperCollins, working for the wonderful Stephanie Spinner. I started out as her editorial assistant at Random House right after grad school and moved to Harper with her a year later, shortly after [my husband] Scott and I got married. Stephanie knew that I wanted to be a writer, and she often sent in-house writing assignments my way (lots of cover copy). When I left Harper in 1995 to have a baby, Stephanie recommended me for several book assignments, including the two Carmen Sandiego novels. That project had been underway for several months—Harper was doing a tie-in with the game and TV show. There were six books in total; two were assigned to me and four went to other writing teams [Ellen Weiss and Mel Friedman, and Bonnie Bader and Tracey West]. I often joke that I got my first modem, my first baby, and my first book deal in the same month!

I loved working with my Carmen Sandiego editor, Kris Gilson. The two books were a blast to write and a great learning opportunity for me. Ellen Weiss remains a good friend of mine. She's a true gem of a person!

Have your experiences writing the Carmen books influenced your work since then?

With Carmen, I discovered how much I love writing humor. Before that (in grad school), my poems and stories were on the serious side. I had so much fun with the playful, sometimes goofy tone of the Carmen Sandiego books that I definitely shifted afterward to more of a focus on humor in my books. I still find writing from a place of playfulness to be my most satisfying kind of work.

Were you familiar with Carmen Sandiego before writing the books?

I loved the computer game! I'd seen several episodes of the show—it's all a bit blurry now and hard to say which I encountered first—and really enjoyed it, but I especially loved the game. Instant classic!

How much guidance did you receive from HarperCollins / Brøderbund? Were the plots your own, or were you given plot outlines?

We were given the basic descriptions for the two kid detectives, and I had a couple of meetings with the editors and the other writers to flesh out the characters a bit more—give them personalities. I don't think Mel was in the meetings, but Ellen was there, and Tracey and Bonnie.

Then I wrote outlines for my two books and the other writers outlined theirs. I was assigned one "Where in the World" mystery and one "Where in Time" mystery. I think I submitted several plot ideas for each—the big challenge was thinking up interesting objects for Carmen and her henchmen to steal. The Blarney Stone and cocoa beans were my favorite ideas and I was thrilled that they got picked!

How did you research the books?

Those were AOL days, and the web wasn't yet a place for intensive research, so I spent a lot of time in the library. For The Cocoa Commotion, I conducted phone interviews with staff members at the Hershey chocolate factory—lots of fun. But I never did get to visit the Blarney Stone!

What was your favorite part of working on the books?

Researching the history of chocolate! Naturally I had to do a lot of sampling in order to describe it properly. ;)

Your author bio in the books mentions that the scene in which Maya and Ben eat sour cherry ice cream in Cologne, Germany was inspired by an actual experience of yours. Did any other experiences of yours make it into the books? Have you had any other travel experiences that notable? (Note: I'm originally from Northern Michigan, so travel experiences involving tart cherries are a high bar to clear for me.)

Ohhh, that sour cherry ice cream! I hope I get to taste it again someday. Apart from eating a lot of chocolate, I can't remember any other personal experiences that informed the books. If I were to write one today, I'd make sure to set a scene in Barcelona. My husband and I spent a week there in 2008 and it was an incredible trip. The paella! The Gaudí buildings! Art on every corner! I'd love to go back someday.

The bio also features a caricature of you with your baby daughter...

That drawing was made by the brilliant comic book artist Rick Burchett, who was working with Scott on Batman comics at the time. Scott was an editor at DC Comics and Rick was one of his favorite artists to work with. When I needed a bio illustration for the Carmen Sandiego books, we commissioned Rick to draw it. I love that piece so much! The baby is my oldest, Kate, who was born right around the time I started working on the books. We still have the original art!

You've written over 20 children's books for a variety of ages, in a variety of genres. Do you have any favorites among them?

That's so hard to say—I'm fond of all of them and I dearly loved creating worlds and adventures for Charlotte and Martha in my Little House prequels—but The Prairie Thief and The Nerviest Girl in the World are extra-special to me. I grew up in Aurora, Colorado and had a summer job at a wildlife refuge on the prairie, a landscape that served as the setting for Prairie Thief. I loved getting to weave secrets into the prairie setting that means so much to me.

Your most recent book, The Nerviest Girl in the World, was published last August. Can you tell us a bit about why you wrote it?

I lived for 11 years in La Mesa, California, a small town just outside San Diego. While I was there, I learned that in the very early days of silent film, there had been a film studio in town. Eventually the studio moved to Santa Barbara, but it was exciting to discover that before Hollywood was the center of the American film industry, little old La Mesa was a moviemaking place. I began reading everything I could find about the studio, and when I learned that many of the cowboys in those early Westerns were real cowboys and ranchers, an idea for a book began to take shape—the story of an adventurous girl who stumbled into work as a daredevil film actress along with her cowboy brothers.

Of course, I'm legally compelled to ask the question that literally every interview currently includes: how has the pandemic changed your job?

LOL! Yes, it's the question right now, isn't it! Well, I've worked at home since the Carmen Sandiego days, and I homeschool my kids, so in the biggest ways our lives weren't hugely affected by the shutdown. But I used to do a lot of my writing in cafés, and I miss that like crazy! I had to think up all sorts of new strategies for staying focused at home this past year. I'm hoping to get back to the coffee shops this summer!

Something I found really interesting is that you have a Patreon, which you explain you started to help pay for medical bills. How has that experience affected your work as an author?

I've played with lots of kinds of content on Patreon and really enjoy having a space to share behind-the-scenes stories. It's a more intimate and personal space than social media, so I feel free to let my hair down and be really frank.

Thanks so much for these fantastic questions! I had so much fun reminiscing about the Carmen Sandiego adventure!

[natromanxoff]

I wasn’t sure about posting this at first but as it is already shared publicly and I have come across with it on Pinterest, I decided that it would be okay. So here is a story of a fan about Jim Hutton:

“ON 23rd of March, there was a Queen Tribute band concert in Goresbridge and my boyfriend told me that Jim would come as well. He admitted that he had arranged with Stephen for Jim to come along. The concert was in the pub called The Spirit Store. What a great name for spiritual meeting, I thought. When I entered, Jim sat at the table with Stephen, Jascqueline, her sister Valeria and other family friends. There was nowhere to sit, so we just stood by the table for a while. When I looked at Jim, he appeared somewhat fragile and tiny, like a man who could easily be overlooked. He didn´t look anything like those photos portraying him in the books.

After a while, there was a free seat by the table and everyone, including Jim, moved in order for us to sit down. It was just one place and my friend Mike wanted to take it. He got up fast but they all stopped him. Jim measured Mike up and down and told him, "Perhaps you should let the lady sit here, you cavalier!" Embarassed, Mike got up from his chair and offered it to me. I got the honorable place alongside Jim. Being a woman sometimes has its advantages! Jim welcomed me with heartfelt "Hi". At first I was nervous, but after a while I felt relaxed and enjoyed Jim's company. I was aware of his behavior, gestures, laughter, and tried to absorb his energy all at once. It was easy to talk to him about anything and everything.

I wanted to know the man Freddie loved so much, so I guess I started giving him many questions.

"Jim, are you still in touch with Phoebe?" Jim looked at me closely and began to talk to me with interest. "I haven´t really been talking to him for a long time. I know he had a hotel in Dubai, then he sold it, and he's in Prague now. He also bought something overthere and I think he's going to settle down there." When I heard about Prague, I jumped up excitedly and told him that I was from there. He smiled a little, though the coincidence like this didn´t overwhelm him as much as me.

He relished glass of Budwaiser and smoked Ultra light Silk Cuts. He offered me one and lit it up for me like a real gentleman. It seemed he wanted to continue talking. We both made fun of the ultralight effect of his cigarettes, which would probably piss off every orthodox smoker, Freddie for sure! He then demonstrated jokingly, how to properly smoke them. He inhaled all the smoke by sucking in his cheeks and widening his eyes, as if he should soon burst like an inflated toad. None of us resisted and we both burst into a mad laughter. I told him about my visit to Munich and meeting Barbara. He smiled and listened, then he rolled his eyes up to heaven and stated that she is one hell of a crazy woman. I totally agreed, and added, that also alcoholic one. It was surreal to talk about mutual aquaintances together, people we both knew. I also mentioned my visit to New York club and I could see how he returns nostalgically into his memories. Then I also tried to make him remember my friend Allison, who told me about him in the first place.

"About nine years ago she visited you in London". He couldn´t remember and admitted, that since then a lot of people have passed through his life and many of them he never saw again.

I continued. "She showed me several of your photos and in one of them you were holding Freddie's portrait that you bought at the auction". Suddenly he jumped up and said he knew whom I mean.

I showed him my miniature box containing a stone and talked about it with almost patriotic pride. "It's a stone from Logan Mews that I had to dig out from under the threshold of his house, because there was nothing else to take." Jim laughed out loud, this time without any hindrance and doubt that I was totally crazy. I also laughed because I knew I sound like nuts. He remarked with smile from ear to ear that I was pretty crazy. "Yeah, I'm crazy, and I'm proud to be. Who isn´t...and by the way.....why not?" I smiled at what I just said, because that´s what Freddie would say, to defend himself. Jim then talked about the medallion that Freddie had given him for his birthday. He said, there were three miniature pictures inside. "The first is that of Miko ", he said gently, looking up at me to make sure I knew who he was talking about. "In the other one is Freddie" ... he continued with kind of fervor and love. Something deep inside me shivered. "In the third one," ... he didn´t answer yet, when I jumped into his monologue ...."Tiffany," I blurted out.

"My mom's photo," he finished his sentence. (and I prayed he didn´t register my answer).

It was nice to hear him remembering like that. He opened up in front of me the way I never dreamt of. I think it was nice for him to share these beautiful moments and to talk about things that meant so much to him. "This rock is my good luck charm. I have been listening to Queen since I´m twelve and I also work in the Fan Club's office. We celebrate his anniversary every year. When I went here, I was kidding with my friends that I might meet Jim Hutton in Ireland... and here you are, sitting right next to me. That´s my dream come true", I said all emotional.

"How do you know Stephen?", he inquired after while.

"I go out with Vinnie and they are good friends" He eyed my boyfriend and indicated that he knew who he was.

"I was annoying the two of them and was constantly asking them to bring you", I smiled.

"Oh, Jacqueline wanted me to come, alright" Jim smiled at the thought. Then he talked about the music talent competition, in which they were selecting the best imitators of Queen.

"What music are you actually listening to?" I wondered.

"I have no favorite, I'm listening to almost everything. Even a radio".

"And do you still have Zig and Zag?"

He only sighed and said in a sad voice that they had both died since then.

"And do you have any other cats?"

"Yeah, I have seven others now," Jim smiled. This number didn´t surprise me. The old habits are hard to kill.

"Do you still keep up the gardening, Jim?"

"Constantly," he said with a loving smile and amusedly showed me his hands dirty from the clay and covered in sores. For God's sake, he must have been gardening a few minutes before going to a concert!, I thought to myself. A complete garden maniac.....

We were joking on the account of the band that was supposed to start playing long time ago, but somehow did not. He told me it would be nice to get drunk, so we didn´t know how terrible they were. That really made me crack up. He could be so funny.

He joked and emphasized to everyone around the table, that instead of a concert he could have been at home watching his favorite movie. In the same breath, he admitted that he was curious about their performance and that he hadn´t been out in ages.

He leaned over to me and confessed, that now he lived a life completely cut off from the rest of the world.

"We are basically the same, I am basically like him. Now I just enjoy loneliness and privacy. I don´t go out anywhere except my garden". I immediately knew whom he was referring to in his speech.

I said that I had discovered his house in Palatine and apologized when I saw his slightly concerned look. I said I was just little curious.

He then recalled a few of his encounters with the fans. One day there was an unknown car with a couple of strangers that arrived to his house. They came all way from Vienna and they found him by questioning people in a town! Not a hard thing to trace him, he said, as every cab driver in the area knows him pretty well. One local newspaper even published a photo of his house, and although they gave a wrong address, a lot of people had found him.

That made me laugh, because I knew what it means to be a devoted fan.

"On the other hand, it's nice to know that someone is constantly looking after you and giving you the feeling that all this is still alive," I added with a smile.

"Jim, do you still have your Volvo?"

"You mean the one that Freddie gave me?.....No, I don´t have it few years now, I´ve swapped it for a new one," he smiled.

He was all too gallant all the time, always lighting my cigarette.

He also wondered how long I would stay in Ireland, so I said that only another half a year.

"And you wanna come back here?" He asked suddenly.

"Oh, I'd love to. I'm trying to find a job either in Carlow or Kilkenny," I said enthusiastically.

Then I fell silent, looked at him and assured him "Definitely."

Each time he looked up into my eyes, I saw an incredibly nice person in front of me. Something in his silent expression suggested that he had suffered great deal of pain in life, but that he was now completely reconciled with his fate. Still, in his eyes shone a spark of unrelenting humor. In his company I forgot all about the world. I was happy to be able to make such an affluent and warm contact with him. The longer we knew each other, the closer we were.

When he wanted to go to the toilet, Stephen told him that the men's toilets were behind the bar and the ladies in front of the bar. It sounded like he wasn´t quite sure which one would Jim prefer.

But Jim didn´t care much and set off to the men's. I admit it made me laugh a little.

Then we continued our dialogue. I mentioned that I read both his and Phoebe's book, but that I couldn´t find his book anywhere in the stores. He confirmed that it´s out of print at the minute.

When I told him that I had stolen his book at the local library, he laughed and said that I should have asked him and he would have given me a copy, but he only had Italian version.

Finally, the band started to play. Everyone in the pub stood up and whole lot of us - as we were tucked in at the back, climbed onto the window ledges. I stood next to Jim, who remained seated.

He looked a little bit run over. I knew he was surrounded by the loneliness and I watched him with sadness. I lacked much power or words to comfort him. It was only after some wonderful songs that we both joined and got up. He could not remain sad in such a loving and friendly company for ever.

When he noticed the enormous, life-vibrant energy that only Queen music could produce in conjunction with a crowd of people singing, I think he forgot his personal pain. I could see pride in his face. He stood up and watched the band. Then he addressed me and made me come up onto the ledge above him to see better. I would not listen to anybody else, but from him it didn´t sound like an order. He wanted me to get the most out of it and it pleased me. Then we sat back and drank. Jim seemed to be getting cheerful and livelier. The more he drank, the more cheerful he was. The guys ordered him Red Bull with vodka. When I asked him if it was vodka, he claimed it was white lemonade! He put a warm glass of "vodka" on my hand, so I almost jumped out of my skin, which he thought was terribly funny.

Whatever he did, he looked at me as though I was the only person who knew what was behind his looks. His faces and funny grimaces reminded me of Freddie. He had a lot of subconsciously inherited poses and gestures from him. Even in his laughter I could detect an influence of Freddie's strong personality. He simply marked all people around him. It was not the same contagious and stormy laugh, but there was a spark of resemblance.

His niece Jacqueline, Valerie and Stephen, danced all the time on the ledge and Jim was pulling them and wrapping himself in between their legs, hugging them, clinging to them, and messing around like a little boy. It was a wonderful sight, as he was so happy and childish.

After some time, Jim lost himself in a crowd of concert goers, so I went to look for him. Without his company it felt such a sad place. It was as if he had fallen through the ground, which made me very nervous. Finally, I found him by the entrance table, where he was joking away with one old blonde, not too different from frivolous Barbara Valentin. I asked him for a photo together. At first he looked impenetrable but as soon as I threw a sad eye and smirked, he brightened up and agreed as if saying "You know you can, anything for you, darling"

His niece Valerie took our picture. He then whispered to me that he hopes I´ll send him some pictures later.

After that he announced that we are going back inside to listen to the band.

I saw them from close-up and I must say that it was much better to just hear them. They looked rather too comic with all their wigs. It was something that would make Freddie laugh too.

I told Jim that they don´t look very natural,which he agreed with, but he said he couldn´t complain about their music. He was totally right, because musically they weren´t bad and the singer had a very authentic voice.

Inside, everybody was dancing and Jim joined in and circled around them like a rogalo.

The whole pub vibrated with intense and loving energy. There was no one who would be bored. Jim then threw himself in the arms of his two nieces, who gently caressed him in his hair and embraced him. He let them take care of him, now vulnerable like a little lost child all of a sudden.

There was something deeply touching about it. He had closed his eyes and sadly lowered his head, as if his tears flowed deep inside, in his invisible world. I realized at this stage, how much he really loved Freddie. I was looking at him and I had a desire to caress him and comfort him but instead, I had to stand aside.

"You can have everything and yet feel alone", Freddie once said. But I was glad Jim had his family and friends around him, who cared and protected him. Jim was going through sorrow and joy,both at the same time, it seemed.

During one of his many shananigans, I caught him messing around with his niece's boyfriend.

He sat him on his knees and imitated sexual intercourse. It would seem offensive and utterly crazy to someone who didn´t know him. But we all did. Jim was laughing like crazy and when he finally looked at me, he seemed a little embarrassed by his behavior and gave me a look that said"I hope you won´t tell on me to Freddie"...but it was hard to take him seriously.

We both smiled conspiratorially at each other. In that sense, our relationship no matter how short-lived, was special. We understood one another in thoughts. He winked at me a couple of times, tapping my beer like an old buddy.

In one moment in particular, Jim leaned over me and whispered: "You as a fan have right to be crazy, but them" ... pointing at our dancing group of friends ... " they are fucked up", he said with smile and he began to knock his finger against his forehead. An international gesture that doesn´t need an interpreter!

Jim then went to the toilets for a while, and I, like a stray sheep, followed him through crowds of oblivious dancers. He was somewhat drunk at that time and barely retained a balance. He staggered a little like a broken tree. No surprise after god knows how many Red bulls and vodkas! I was bit afraid for him, so I supported him inconspicuously by both shoulders from behind. He went to the toilet and cared too little to even close the door behind him. If anyone was looking, he would see Jim Hutton pissing in a toilet bowl in his bright canary shirt.

At that moment they played the most touching song of all, These are the Days of our lives .... I stood by the door and listened, watching the band and waited for Jim. I don´t know why, perhaps because of the fate that brought me here, I suddenly felt terrible sorrow. I was sorry for Freddie and Jim. Tears poured into my eyes. I didn´t cry, but was very close to it. Jim suddenly appeared next to me and noticed my face. "What about those tears? I hope you don´t cry", but at this stage I was lost for words. His concern made me sad even more. Something inside me forced me to caress him. I hugged him gently around his neck and put my head on his shoulder for a moment. I wanted to let him know that I am very sorry about what happened to Freddie. He did not resist. He knew he wasn´t the only one in the world who was missing him. I looked into his eyes, and I told him a sentence that I didn´t know why I said, but I strongly felt it..."Jim, he's here, he IS here." His expression was rather confused at first. "Do you believe me?" ... I said this with a seriousness and a certain degree of self-assurance that he froze for a while. He looked thoughtful. He knew what I was talking about.

I seemed to only confirm his inner conviction. He didn´t say a word. He wiped my tear away with the edge of his hand and without warning, took me firmly by the hand and led me through crowds back to our friends. There was a lot of care and love in his touch. The music was just playing and Freddie just sang "I still love you" and I knew he did.

I didn´t want to leave, but I knew I said everything I needed to. I could not leave without saying goodbye. It would be a sin after all this to just disappear into eternity. I interrupted him from the conversation with someone else, leaned over the table and said, "Jim, I'm leaving now, so I want to say goodbye, it was great pleasure meeting you." I smiled as much as my heart allowed me to and shook his hand. He stared up and thought for a moment, and then, without any hesitance said, "We do not see each other for the last time." I didn´t know at this time how true his words were.

I thought I did not understand well, so I asked again, "sorry?" and he repeated patiently and more resolutely, "I shall surely see you again," while taking my hand into his hands and kissing it gently.

He left me in amazement. I stumbled out from there perplexed but still I could hear him talking about me to someone there. He probably said he hadn´t seen a bigger nutcase in a long time, assuming from his cute teddybear smile. Gosh I loved him so much!

The next day I learned from my friends that Jim was looking next morning for his jacket that he had forgotten in his car. Few days later, I've sent him the promised photographs. Jacquie confirmed that he called in to say he had received them allright.”

2001

“...And then I returned back to Ireland in 2004.

I had the opportunity to welcome Jim to my own home in Carlow sometime in 2006. He was Stephen´s surprise. When the door opened up, I didn´t see him at first.

Then his head popped out from the side of the door and with a laugh he emerged a bit later. He hugged me like we hadn´t seen each other for million years. What I felt at that moment was indescripable. My dear Jim back in my life and in my own house!

We all sat in the living room, Jim settled down on the sofa, I was sitting on the ground and absorbed the precious moments because I knew time spent with him was only borrowed time. Then we watched Queen videos and talked about Freddie as if he were in the next room. It was so surreal. Me and Jim agreed that our favorite video was Scandal, and he just added that Freddie didn´t like it very much because he couldn´t make any creative input in it, although he loved the song.

Then we talked about his illness, about him taking up to 40 pills a day to sustain his health and he also explained the difference between AIDS and HIV, as many people still didn´t know. We have talked so much and - above all - we laughed all night, almost at everything. It was so easy to succumb to his funny personality once again and to his heartfelt laughter. He made jokes about fancying my ex-boyfriend, whom he lied on top of on the sofa. Long time ago, I´ve sent him a letter explaining to him how Freddie has impacted my life. But I've forgotten I´ve ever written it and now I was faced with the horror that I actually have sent it. I hoped he has forgotten about it, but when Jim and I met in the corridor of our house, I couldn´t but apologize to him for that letter, and for being so daring. To my surprise, he looked at me softly with his tired eyes and assured me that my letter was absolutely fascinating. Then we were interrupted by Stephen, who was just leaving a toilet and the conversation was cut short at that point. Unfortunatelly I would never have the chance to find out what was the next thing he was about to say, because I noticed he wanted to continue, if he weren´t interrupted.

When we were saying goodbye at the door, he treated me as an old friend. He simply kissed me on the lips, which utterly shocked me and made me laugh at the same time.

He invited us back to his house to have a little party, but my ex-boyfriend was not in the perfect mood and so we politely declined, which I will forever regret!

About a year after that I bumped into Jim several times in the city where we both lived, or we exchanged text messages whenever I needed to advise what room flowers would be best for our new house. Sometimes I learnt about how he´s doing through my ex-boyfriend, who used to hang out with him and drink few pints in a night bar. Once my ex confessed how Jim told him that I was a great person and he should be happy to have me. They must have been talking about me!!!!

Then I met Jim one night in the nightclub, where he was with his friends. He spent most of his time sitting in the lounge smoking a cigarette, having fun with younger girls. Wherever he was, you heard his laughter. That night my ex-boyfriend arranged for Jim and me to have a dance together.

Jim was just dancing on the dancefloor with some older woman. I remember he had his jumper tied around his waist. I just got onto the dancefloor, he looked at me all serious and pulled me close to him. It was some tediously slow song that I can´t even remember, I just know that we were staggering from side to side like two handiccaped penguins and that made me laugh hysterically.

He was such a clown! Now, however, I consider this moment as one of the most precious memories of him. It was my night.

Back in 2009, I have learned that Jim was diagnosed with cancer. My ex-boyfriend told me how concerned Jim was when informing him. He said, he wept. At that time I didn´t know how serious the situation was and I hoped Jim will get better in no time. I believed the doctors would somehow help him out of it. I saw him a little later at work when he came to our restaurant for breakfast.

I almost served him as another customer, but when I realized it was him, I pulled myself back into the kitchen and let the other girls serve him. He never noticed. I was in such state of shock. I didn´t know what to do, how to act and what to say. He was so thin, just skin and bone. His face was sinking, his eyes full of pain, a small tube leading from his nose to the oxygen device he carried in his backpack and a small canvas hat on his head. I couldn´t believe this was Jim, whom I have remembered being so full of life and joy only half a year ago. I wanted to cry like never before. I also felt embarassed by my own cowardly reaction. I wished more than anything in my life to hug him and say I loved him. I wanted to wish him a happy Christmas. But I was scared of my own tears, which would not help him in his situation.

I wrote him a message on the phone, but he didn´t respond. And then I got the terrible news. Jim died and somehow I also missed his funeral. I took a first taxi and went at least to his months Mass and visited his grave, bringing him daffodils and little white lantern with candle. It was so hard for me. His relatives stood above his grave. I said my prayers in a minute of silence. The air didn´t move and the moon was full in the night sky. It was dark and cold all around but I didn´t care.

I wanted to see him laugh and mess around like he used to. It was as if another star had disappeared and fell to the earth. If only life could last forever.”

2006-2010

Credits to Seraphiel’s blog. Please don’t repost without credits.

[sendnotes]

books i read in april.

this is going to be my thing from now on. i'll compile a list of all the books i read in a month and share my thoughts on each one every end of the month.

just so you know, i'm a little forgetful, and i have a tendency to forget names, plots, and other details. i'm hoping that writing these will aid my memory in recalling how i felt about each novel.

you can also find me on goodreads

so, let’s begin, shall we?

101 essays that will change the way you think (wiest, brianna)

self-help book

this book got off to a good start! some of the essays written (or should i say a collection of articles originally published on the thoughtcatalog website) made me think and consider my outlook on life, love, and so on.

the title overstates the case though. when i think of an essay, i picture something more argumentative and philosophical. not to mention that the majority of the ideas in this book are redundant. it made it difficult to get through. nonetheless, i was able to get past it because there were so many fantastic concepts and topics discussed.

overall, it's an interesting & worthwhile read for those who enjoy thinking outside the box.i lost count of how many times this book gave me aha moments. i swear, most of the entries soothed my mind and provided a great pick-me-up when life seemed to be frustrating.

the midnight library (haig, matt)

science fiction, fantasy fiction, psychological fiction

regrets, self-remorse, what ifs, family approval, drugs, dreams, love, passion, hatred, death, afterlife, multiverses, quantum physics, and a plethora of possibilities packed into a 304-page book.

i'll be honest: this book is already on my list of favorites. i'm simply blown away by how well-crafted and diverse the entire story unfolded.

a sci-fi novel with a dash of fantasy and a smidgeon of philosophy. if that's your thing, you should give this book a shot.

the first few pages of the book gave me an impression and led me to surmise it was going to be a cheesy ass chick lit novel that i'd only read and find enjoyable in high school. i was completely off base. it proved to be very mature, full of lessons, but delivered in a fun and entertaining manner— exactly my cup of tea.

it reminded me of a disney pixar film called soul, in which the afterlife is depicted in vivid detail. they differ on so many levels, but they both imagine life after death for people who are unsure of their path, purpose, and passion.

every chapter served a significant concept, so this book is well-deserved of a 5-star rating!

norwegian wood (murakami, haruki)

fiction, romance novel, bildungsroman

as i read the book and neared the end, all i could think about was how this book became one of murakami's most popular and influential works.

murakami offers a sprawling glimpse into the lives of a group of severely damaged youths grappling with the realities of what emptiness entails. take what you will from it.

i know a lot of people like it, which is fine. but please keep in mind that this book hit me square in the gut. it alternated between making me angry, sad, annoyed, and disgusted almost constantly. there isn't much else.

this book should come with a warning: "this is not a good place to start if you're new to murakami's works. this is not a representative of murakami's brilliance."

fist and foremost, the characters in this book are all repulsive.

toru watanabe was a fuckboy and a softboy rolled into one. what could possibly be worse than that? he'd have as many casual sexual partners as he could while also buttering a girl up by appealing to her emotions and displaying a "sensitive" and "vulnerable" side.

this book was made even more depressing by the fact that each female character was needy, weak, dysfunctional, and dependent. since they're all the same, i'm not going to go over each of these female characters one by one. you already get the idea.

reiko ishida, imo, was one of the best rendered sections of the novel. most likely because she had a better grasp on her emotions and goals than the still seeking youths... until, *spoiler alert* she wanted to do it with toru as well. a big disappointment.

to summarize, this book is primarily concerned with two topics: sex and death.

hidden meanings are everywhere, but when you get to the core, that's all that remains.

the four agreements: a practical guide to personal freedom (ruiz, miguel)

self-help book

first agreement ⏤ be impeccable with your word

this essentially means that you should not spew gossip or use words to harm others. because words have tremendous power and can cause significant harm. you are not only negatively affecting others with your hateful and thoughtless words, but you are also hurting yourself. this is something with which i generally agree. how i see it, when people are unhappy with themselves, they turn to others to make themselves feel better. as a result, they gossip about others in order to divert attention away from themselves.

second agreement ⏤don't take anything personally

alright. sure. don't let what others say about you bother you. it has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. well, i don't entirely agree, but i think it's a fantastic idea in general. however, achieving this goal will be extremely difficult. i believe it would take a lot of practice to reach this level of zen. plus, i honestly believe that other people's opinions still matter because they keep you in check. the best advice is to not be swayed by these opinions, but to consider why they were expressed in the first place. see what you can do to improve yourself from there. sure, it can be difficult to deal with; after all, no one likes being told they're wrong or whatnot. but it's not all bad news because you can sometimes use criticism and judgment to give you a competitive edge. i mean- don't you think hearing someone else's point of view is also an opportunity to learn and progress? ruiz should have stressed that it's not just about "not taking it personally because you know you're not that person," but also about not retaliating with an extreme knee-jerk reaction even if you believe you're being unfairly criticized.

third agreement ⏤ don't make assumptions

this is a real eye-opener for me. i've noticed that whenever i become enraged by someone's words, it's usually due to my tendency to assume. personally, i can't help but make assumptions. i don't know what other people's motivations are, and i can't help but draw conclusions based on the information i have. even if the other person had no intention of causing me harm, it's too late. the thought has become ingrained in my mind, and i never ask for clarification out of pride or fear of appearing overly sensitive.

fourth agreement ⏤ always do your best

this section did not seem particularly useful to me. i mean, aren't we all reminded of this all the time? this section is filled with sloppy writing, in my opinion. as if he badly wanted to finish the book and impulsively thought: "okay, fourth agreement: always do your best. that should suffice. lmao"

overall opinion: the third agreement was my favorite, but the rest were a no-go. don't get me wrong, i appreciated his ideas, but i've heard them all a hundred times before. basically, the book's sole takeaway is that we are all suffering in some way in our daily lives, and we are all dealing with different issues. regardless, we all need to be kinder and gentler to ourselves and others.

the song of achilles (miller, madeline)

romance novel, historical Fiction, war story

i'll keep it short and sweet:

i really wouldn't have had this book any other way. miller's writing is breathtaking, so rich and full of lovely detail. it's incredibly a unique concept to me that authors are rewriting such ancient history and stories to make them lgbt+!

some suggest it's tedious, but i disagree. it isn't slow; rather, it is just right.

'cause at the end of the day, it's not about war, tragedy, or heroes - it's a slow-burning, organic love tale between two young men and their inevitable connection.

it's sad, tender, and painful, but in the best way possible.

circe (miller, madeline)

novel, historical fiction, fantasy fiction

"greek mythology, but with a feminist twist"?! sign me the hell up! this piqued my interest... only to leave me feeling completely let down. seriously now. circe was described as a "badass empowered woman," which was the single most compelling selling point for me, and thus the most wrenching disappointment, i must say.

sure, it demonstrated the value of feminine power, but it also did represent how this power can be a force of good or evil.

not to mention the fact that circe fucked a married man or two in this book- i mean- how is that an ~empowered woman~?

let's be clear right off the bat: madeline miller's follow-up to the song of achilles is epic in scope but not necessarily in execution. to me, this read more like a tedious island tale. regardless of how many five-star reviews this book has received... i just don't think it's well-deserved. don't get me wrong here. miller is a fantastic author with a lush writing! istg- i'm blown away by how beautifully she wrote and carefully chose her words. even the most mundane phrases were written poetically. after-all, it’s greek mythology. but how did she manage to make circe seem so... bland?

[thechekhov]

How many languages do you know? Do you have any tips for people attempting to learn new languages(especially any for people on tight budgets)? And have you ever heard of the Sapir Whorf Hypothesis?(It's really interesting and there's a great Ted talk that relates to it in a really cool way that I'd be happy to send you a link to if you'd like)

Thanks for the question! I technically speak 3 at a conversational level - English, Russian and Japanese right now. I used to take German in school but since I never use it it has been shelved inside my brain and I probably couldn’t use it anymore. 

That being said, I basically just revealed my answer to your other question: how do languages get learned? Use. How do languages get remembered? Use. If you don’t use it, you lose it. That’s it. That’s the only secret you need to know. Now and forever. Some company offering you The Fastest Way to Learn And Retain A Language? They’re lying unless their solution is to force you to use a language EVERY DAY hopefully for tasks which are absolutely necessary for you so it becomes something you NEED to keep using. 

So, I studied Linguistics in college. Basically, I think you know what this is if you watched a TEDt on the Sapir Whorf Hypothesis (more on that later). It’s the study of how languages are acquired by the human species, how they are processed in the brain, etc. And if we wanted to go back to the root of things the answer would be clear. Why did humans evolve to be able to learn language? Because it was necessary for us to use it. Because it is our greatest tool. We are expert tool-users and tool-makers. Language is, arguably, one of our most complex and most natural tools. Kids are programmed language-learning machines. They acquire language with an incredibly speed and precision. Why? Because it was necessary for the survival of our species for millenia. So if you want to learn a language? You have to use it as a tool, otherwise nothing will work out.

To learn a language, you don’t need money at all. You just need access to a library card, or a phone app, or a really kind friend. Let’s discuss first the basics of what a good language-learning tool will provide you with... 

It needs: Input, output, feedback and (on your part) lack of fear. 

1. Input is an environment in which you can learn the language. This can be anything. Ideally, you are picked up by a stork and re-deposited in a place where your target language is the ONLY language you can use and you are forced to use it to survive. That sounds really tough and mentally it’s a hike up a really tall mountain. Psychological breakdowns would probably ensue. But would it help your language ability? Absolutely.

Short of that we have a source of info. A native speaker buddy or a teacher who would teach you. A really good book. An app. Duolingo. Anything. Anything that tells you “hey, you wanna say CAT in ____? Ok, then you wanna do  X and Y and Z.”

2. Output is a chance to use the language. If you just read a book on Swahili without uttering a single word aloud or trying out any of the grammar rules, you’re screwed. Even if you memorized that book, you don’t speak Swahili. Probably nowhere close. You HAVE to use the tool in order to learn it. 

This can be in a classroom setting, in a series of worksheets where you have to write sentences, or just a chatroom with native speakers where you can try to talk to people using what you just learned. It can also technically be your kitchen, with no one around as you talk to yourself. However, this is a slippery slope because you still need...

3. Feedback is an object which listens/accepts your attempted output of a language and gives you feedback about how well you are understood. This can technically be anything - innocent bystanders who speak your target language and who are going to look confused when you mess up! Or a teacher who will politely tell you that you mispronounced the word for “food preservatives” and said “condom” instead. 

Feedback is important because if there is no one to judge your use of the tool, you don’t know how to use it well. Languages are made up of separate parts, and ideally all those separate, small parts should function well on their own in order to function well together as a sentence. Basically: If you wanna say “I want to sit in the chair.” you gotta make sure you know how to properly pronounce each of those words, otherwise it might be a disastrous jumble of nearly impossibly bodily function horror.

4. Lack of fear is something you will need because speaking languages that you don’t know well is embarrassing. Alternatively, this can be replaced with a fear of something larger than the language. Say you’re trying to make first contact with aliens who are carrying weapons and you’re not sure what exactly you need to say but the safety of your entire civilization depends on you communicating to them the idea of “No, don’t worry, we already impeached Trump. There’s no need for extreme action anymore.”  

* * *

What are some things you can do this with? Duolingo, for one. Books, for another. Lots of books. Also there’s tons of apps - like HelloTalk, or online chatrooms, youtube videos, etc. It’s entirely possible to learn a language without paying a single penny for it. All it hinges on is your determination to keep going and to continue USING the language, in one way or another. 

* ALSO, I KNOW I SAID YOU COULD USE A REALLY KIND FRIEND, BUT I’VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT, AND NO, PLEASE DON’T ACTUALLY ASK FRIENDS TO DO THIS FOR YOU, ESPECIALLY NOT FOR FREE. Language teaching is a really difficult job. People get qualified for it. It’s a skill. You asking your friend to just randomly do you this big favor is kinda shitty unless they’re getting something out of it too. 

And finally, for the Sapir Whorf Hypothesis... I think it’s safe to say every single Linguist learns about this really early on in their school days. To say that I’ve heard of it might be putting it lightly.

I don’t know if the TED talk mentioned this, but there’s a strong version of this and a weak version. I’m sorry to say that the strong version (that the language you speak determines how you think) is regarded as sensationalist by most Linguists and has a few holes in it. I myself am not a fan, especially because it tends to inspire really racist conclusions in some people who use it and it was the forefather of things such as “the esk*mo language has 100 words for snow” and other inane generalizations. 

The weaker version (that language may constrain thought patterns or influence thought process) has a little more leeway, but I still think that it should be used with caution for what kind of racist theories it could give way to. For example, some languages don’t have as many words for colors as English does. The conclusion might be given that these people don’t see color as well and are therefore beneath the color-seeing peoples and are ‘better’ in a way. Still, when looked at from a neuro-developmental point of view, it’s really kinda cool! Brains are weird.

Sorry that got really long. Thanks for reading!

[youtuber-imagines-and-things]

Yeay, I'd enjoy that :D

Here it is! I started it yesterday so some are from yesterday….

1. What have you eaten today?

Pretzels and tacos


2. Who was your last kiss with? Was it pleasant?

I’ve never kissed anyone, my dude


3. What color shoes did you last wear?

Black


4. Who has made you laugh the hardest in the last week?

The kid I babysit 


5. What is your favorite scent?

Fresh, warm laundry 


6. What is your favorite season? Why?

…. fall? I suppose. I love all of them. But fall because it’s so beautiful and I love how the air feels and the sound of leaves crunching under your feet


7. Can you do a handstand or cartwheel?

No but I used to be able to do both


8. What color are your nails?

Light brown


9. If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be?

Just a small dot. I wouldn’t want a tattoo on my face but I can think of some tattoos I would get on my arms


10. What is something you find romantic?

Stargazing tho


11. Are you happy?

I’m just tired


12. Is there anything in particular making you happy or sad?

Happy: Tyler Oakley, you guys, my dog, Tony Bennett, Ed Sheeran, Hamilton

Sad: Certain Jimmy Buffett songs (weird, I know)


13. Dogs or Cats?

Do not do this to me


15. Which do you prefer:a museum, a night club, the forest or a library?

Uhhhhh….. museum…. forest…. and library????? I love them all????


15. What is your style?

I don’t really have one? One day I’ll be “90’s”, the next I’ll be in sweatpants, the next I’ll be all dressed up…. just depends 


16. If you could be doing anything you like right now, what would it be?

Sleeping


17. Are you in a relationship or single?

Single, which I like right now 


18. What makes you attracted to the person you like right now?

I don’t like anyone right now so, yep


19. If you could replace your partner/best friend with a celebrity of your choice, would you? Who with?

I would never replace my best friend or partner but I would totally wanna be friends with Mark or Tyler Oakley 


20. Are you holding on to something you need to let go of? If so then what?

Hell yeah I am. I’m holding on to every awkward thing I’ve ever done


21. How did you celebrate last Halloween?

By handing out candy with my parents 


22. Have you recently made any big decisions?

Not really


23. Were you ever in a school play?

Yes!!! I was a ladybug. And my character was worried about everything, ahhhh… predicting the future since kindergarten 


24. What movie would you use to describe your life?

Toby Migure’s SpiderMan movies….. a joke 


25. Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

I’ve already done what I wanted to! I wanted to drive around the country and I got to for a month and a half


26. Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

…all of my insecurities and things I worry about 


27. What are two things that irritate you about the same sex?

I’m going to go with things I remember about girls from school because they were all exactly the same

They are not open minded at all and they spread rumors constantly 


28. What are two things that irritate you about the opposite sex?

Again, going with what I remember from school

They are also not open minded and they think being racist, sexist, and homophobic is funny


29. What is the best thing that has happened to you this week?

Seeing those pics I reblogged of the cat made my week


30. What is something that makes you sad when you think about it?

this world 


31. How long was your longest relationship?

I don’t really count it bc I was like 10 but my longest friendship has lasted 10 years! Going on 11 this year


32. Have you ever been in love?

No


33. Are you currently in love?

No


34. Why did your last relationship end?

Again, don’t count it


35. What jewelry are you wearing right now, and where did you get it?

Just moon earrings that I think I got from a little shop in Georgia… maybe a place in Oregon? Or Texas😂 one of those three!


36. When was the last time you cried and why?

A few weeks back and I don’t even know why


37. Name someone pretty.

You


38. What did you receive last Valentines Day?

My sister and I bought each other chocolate and watched rom-coms 


39. Do you get jealous easily?

Nah


40. Have you ever been cheated on?

No


41. Do you trust your partner/best friend?
YES

42. Ever had detention?

Nope


43. Would you rather live in the countryside or the city?

Either? I love both 


44. What do people call you?

Emmer and Emmanuel and an onion


45. What was the last book you read?

I hate myselfie 


46. How big of a nerd/dork are you?

……..


47. What kind of music do you listen to?

Pretty much anything from ‘40’s to now


48. How tall are you?

5'6" or so


49. Do you like kids?

Yes and no? I love certain kids that are being raised right and aren’t little dirt bags 24/7


50. Favorite fruits?

Cantaloupe, strawberries, mangos, red raspberries and blackberries 


51. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Jeans


52. What’s your earliest memory?

I don’t know how old I was (younger than nine) but it was basically waking up on Christmas to see my new trampoline and my brother took me out, in the snow, to jump on it


53. Ever had a poem or song written about you or to you?

No which I’m alright with


54. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind


55. Do you have a collection of anything?

Stuff from my trips


56. Do you save money or spend it?

Kinda both?


57. What would your dream house be like?

It would be my old house which would take me a long time to describe


58. What top 5 things make you the angriest?

People repeating the same dumb actions, HEaRinG PeoPlE chEw, people wrongly accusing others and not bothering to listen to every side of the story, people getting offended when you get defensive because they said something horrible, PEOPLE HATING ON MY BABY TONY STARK ALL DAY EVERYDAY 


59. What top 5 things always brings a smile to your face?

Tyler Oakley, my dogs, my cats, my brother, my best friend, *screaming bc this is six* Tony Bennett


60. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Save the dog! I hate babysitting anyways and it’s a dog


61. 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a.) I’d tell whoever was close to meb.) spend time with those I love and maybe do something I never imagined myself doingc.) Probably 


62. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

If there is a key, then there must also be a lock


63. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Umm…. this is tough… I’d say St. Augustine, Florida. It’s a family tradition 


64. Do you like the beach?

Actually, not really. I LOVE the warmth/weather and I love being in the water but I absolutely HATE the sand. I don’t like the sand. It’s course and rough and irritating…


65. Ever sleep on the couch or a bed with someone special?

I’ve shared a couch and bed with my best friend😂


66. Do you have a middle name? If so what is it!

I do! McKenzie!


67. Do you talk to yourself?

All of the time


68. Describe your hair.

It’s dirty blonde with a dumbass light blonde streak that is fading away (I didn’t want the streak) and it’s like Mark’s hair


69. What is the meaning of life.

Honestly, I don’t know yet.


70. What is your ideal partner like?

Kind, open minded, funny, understanding, good listener, ANIMAL LOVER, I could go on…


71. Do you want to get married?

Maybe? I don’t really think about it much


72. Do you want to have kids?

Again, maybe.


73. Like or dislike your family?

Overall, I love my family. 


74. Are you Chunky or Slim?

Slim 


75. Would you consider yourself smart?

I suppose? I dont know, I think I’m pretty dumb.


76. What would you change about your life?

Not much really? I would like to change how I have anxiety but hey…


77. Religious or Not?

I’ve been questioning this lately! I’m not completely sure…….


78. You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

My sister


79. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

Nah bc I haven’t kissed anyone


80. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

Nope


81. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

I don’t wish to be with anyone right now 


82. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

*opens door* Welcome in, nobody 


83. Do you like when people play with your hair?

FUCK YES


84. Do you like bubble baths?

YeSsSs


85. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop?No


86. Have you ever danced in the rain?

Yes!


87. Do you trust anyone with your life?

My brother and my best friend 


88. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?“Fuck yeah, I have ten more minutes to sleep”


89. If money wasn’t an issue, what top 10 places would you travel to? (You get to stay at each place for a week)

Not in any order…. Ireland, England, Germany, Australia, Japan, Canada, New York City (loved it), Astoria Oregon, and Scotland 


90. How was your day today?

It was alright actually 


91. Play an instrument?

No but I was trying to learn guitar before my grandfather got sick. I didn’t go through with it


92. Describe the what you think of the ocean.

fuck the ocean❤️


93. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

I believe in both honestly


94. Honestly, are things how you wanted them to be?

No


95. Do you have a mean bitchy scary side?

I guess?


96. When are you vulnerable?

It depends on what this means? I’m vulnerable when listening to music, lost in thought, when reading, writing, and when I’m out walking


97. How much free time do you have?

Too much. It never feels like free time though. It just feels like time when I bring myself down and feel sorry for myself 


98. Do you like to go hiking?

YES


99. Odd or Even Numbers?

both????


100. Would you ever go skydiving, bungee jumping , cliff diving, wing suit gliding, parasailing, snorkeling, or other extreme activities?

Possibly. I would be terrified but with the right person I’d be excited!