#like at this point i think calling it villain of the week insults that trope

[semi-sketchy]

I mentioned briefly in my Xenoblade 3 critique that Xenoblade X handled the theming of people in power exploiting the general populace better than 3. Now the Q&A in 3's art book is out there people are talking about this explanation.

I wanna elaborate on why the concept worked better in X:

It's not the primary antagonist.

That's it. That's the reason.

While X's primary antagonists, the Ganglion, leave...something to be desired, (as does the story in general) this overarching theme is used to push the cast.

Because it's not the elite directly confronting them; it's the result of their actions that put everyone in this situation. You don't need the big wigs preaching to everyone to get the point across. This story is about how the people are affected.

Lao has been so deeply hurt by all this, it drives him to seek revenge. The concept created a villain (and the best character in the game).

This can even apply to the Ganglion, who were created as slaves and want to wipe out their masters descendants (the failsafe) so they can truly be free.

Compare that with 3. I'm sorry but an ideology alone just doesn't make an enticing villain. There's no motivation, no drive, it's just constant and blatant dehumanizing and it gets boring.

All the Moebius you fight, there's no character. There's not supposed to be, after all they're a collective, an idea, even called a concept in-game.

It's why villains like N, Shania and Joran stand out. Even though they're not amazing, they add something personal to the idea, they attach it to an actual character. (Although even in those cases, it's more of a background element since their shtick mostly has to do with revenge on the protags...)

With the rest of Moebius, it's just a fear of dying that drove them to power and to keep it. Nothing else is really said, even by the head honcho and final boss, Z.

Takahashi really did look at the villains and go "let's make so you only ever see the evil surface."

So yeah. That's why X did it better.

[iridescent-peasant]

my mega-long ADSoM review, copy-pasted in from my goodreads so i can share my dumb opinions

To summarize, this book is as if someone took Six of Crows, Britishiezed it, then slapped a red, white, gray, black filter over it.

When I first picked up the book, I was very intrigued. I LOVE multiverse/dimension traveling and the mix of a gritty magic system and 1810s London? I was very excited. And obviously, I've heard a lot about the author already too so my expectations were high. And then... I didn't read it. for a solid few months I had it on my tbr shelf but I just couldn't make myself read it. BUT HERE WE ARE! I did it, I finished the book! So let me rant about it:

PROS:

the multiple dimensions all interconnected via one city! Like that's so creative!!

the magic system. yes, it is basically Avatar but make it dark, but I honestly don't mind elementally based magic systems. i think the author managed to execute it pretty well.

the opening! THE COAT! It's such a small thing and honestly adds nothing to the plot but I love those little details! it's what makes a plot so rich

the grittiness, I usually don't go for these types of books but I can see why someone who does would like this. the blood and gore isn't minimized. it's just as bad as it would realistically be.

The author definitely wasn't afraid to kill characters. A lot of side characters that I did end up liking (I don't usually even like side characters!) were killed. Very brave and I applaud.

CONS:

the main characters. They were just so... blah. Kell was pretty ok but I could not STAND Lila. Her "I'm not like other girls" thing drove me NUTS. Also, Rye being a semi-main character of color but whose whole personality is just a bisexual stereotype... that ain't cute sis.

I am honestly in awe of how this author managed to write a whole book about 1810s London, one that literally deals with royalty vs. the lower class and pirates and exploring and never ONCE talk about colonialism! How even! honestly, that takes some real talent and some big British propaganda

going back to the characters; Kell and Lila are both as non-diverse as you would expect from a YA protagonist couple. I know Rye I supposed to be the lgbtq+ and POC representation, but *come on* (and he isn't even that much of a main character he is mostly a plot device and he does literally nothing). In the acknowledgments at the end of the book, the author says that the book is about a cross-dressing pirate and such. And... miss Schwab, I don't think that means what you think it means. Your (very clearly) cis woman main character dressing up as a man in order to steal stuff is not the representation you think it is.

I was going to talk about how Kell, Lila, and Rye and basically a watered-down Kaz, Inej, and Jesper... but I won't go into that.

The plot is all over the place; sometimes boringly slow, and sometimes way too fast to be impactful or make sense. Basically, the pacing is off.

so much plot convenience oh my g-d... oh, that guy *happens* to have that thing! oh, that woman *happens* to be willing to help!! It grated on my nerves.

(tw rape and assault) Lila's backstory--of course--revolving around rape and assault. I counted at least four men at different points in the story talk about raping Lila. It was just getting ridiculous and felt unnecessarily triggering. I am 100% here for female characters killing rapists, but it was just too much.

Apparently, I haven't complained about Lila enough, so let me mention the fact that she says that killing makes her feel good... and it's not acknowledged at all. AT ALL. Like dude what?? A lot of the reasons she does kill people are definitely understandable and I can get behind a few of them, but her saying that it makes her feel *good* and then nobody acknowledging how problematic that is felt very iffy.

Some points of the plot felt painfully predictable. (SPOILER) the predictability of putting a man with an extremely powerful artifact in his pocket next to a pocket picker??? I knew Lila was going to steal the stone and I was so annoyed by it that I stopped reading after that bit for a few weeks. ALTHOUGH it could actually be said in *favor* of the author that I felt so strongly about Kell losing the stone, it showed that the author managed to make me care about the stone as much as Kell cared about it so... Props to her actually!! But I do feel like there could have been a less annoying way of making them meet? maybe?

Was I annoyed that there were side characters named Parrish and Calla, both names characters from The Raven Boys, a book published six years before this one? Yes. Am I going to get into it? No.

Literally having a place called "Black London" where everyone there went crazy and killed each other... it didn't bode well but that's not up to me to talk about.

The two major villains both being extremely queercoded? Is definitely up to me to talk about. It was so obvious too!! It wasn't like, the hidden sort of queercoding that you usually see on villains in media, it was right in your face. The guy (whose name I cannot for the life of me remember even though I just finished the book) torturing that boy in a sadistic yet sexualized way, the way Holland talks about how he was controlled and stuff... very much felt like the "older gay man using and abusing younger men" trope. Less so for the girl, (whose name I cannot remember as well). Just something about her felt coded. I think the most obvious part was at the end where she had that fight scene with Lila... it just felt like that idk.

so between the queer-coded villains and the only canonically lgbtq+ character being an insulting bisexual stereotype, Shwab ain't looking so good...

FINAL THOUGHTS:

(spoiler about minor character death)  I was actually really upset about Holland dying. I thought he was a really interesting character and I was really hoping that Kell would free him from the mind-control or something. I really love redemption arcs and redeemed characters and I was really hoping that would happen for Holland because I know there are more books so I was hoping he would be a character that appears later... Also, I was highkey shipping him with Rye (sob)

This is way too long so I'll stop now but generally, I would recommend this book if you like gritty / darker sort of fantasy YA books. I feel kind of neutral about it but I am glad that I read it because it was still an overall okay experience. Also, I'm so glad to have finally finished it.

my goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/118399436-iridescent-peasant

[moviediary]

She’s All That (1999)

Rich and popular makes a bet with his “friend”, whose personality is pretty much summed up by the fact that he has frosted tips, that he can turn any girl into the prom queen after getting dumped by his longtime girlfriend. 

Now don’t get me wrong, I love this movie, but every time I watch it I can’t help but be amazed at how absurd it is. I mean, cliché plot aside, every individual piece that makes up this 1 hour and 30 minute ode to the individual is completely insane. What universe does this take place in? What high school do they go to?

That being said, I really like the opening shots to this movie, it definitely gives you a good introduction to the main character. Laney Boggs. She’s political and messy and 100% down to her bones an art student. She isn’t afraid to be dark.

In contrast I feel like the first meeting of the main love interest really doesn’t set him up to be who the writers want you to think he is. I mean he rolls up to school in a bright yellow Jeep with a Mr. Prez vanity plate. Then you see his shoes when he gets out of the car, fuckin’ ugly ass leather loafers. I’m sorry I know this means nothing I just have a hard time believing this jock wears these fucking shoes they’re so god damn ugly.

Every moment that introduces him makes it seem like he should be the villain, he has pretty much no redeeming qualities that we can see besides his wit (barely) and good looks. I just don’t understand why we’re supposed to like him, this is Sixteen Candles all over again. Hot rich guy, is an asshole, for some reason I still root for and love him. How does that work? What makes these characters so grossly likable? I mean, his name is Zack. That alone raises a red flag for me. That’s a frat boy asshole name. Zacks are friends of Kyle that’s all I’m saying.

Once we get through his painfully douchey introduction we get introduced to Zack’s equally douchey friends frosted tips and Gus from psych. (don’t ask me what their actual names are it’s not important anyway, that is essentially their personalities) The first thing we hear is them talking about summer break and their vacations, further driving home how rich they are and how weird it is that adults write movies about teenagers having gratuitous amounts of sex with adults. Then Zach tries unsuccessfully to say something philosophical about them graduating soon (I have to keep reminding myself that he’s supposed to have like the 4th highest GPA in their class) They then meet the most 90s girls I have ever seen. Who I guess are supposed to be popular? One thing I do like is how diverse all the characters are, they don’t all look exactly the same which I feel tends to be a problem with high school movies.

So we finally meet the “popular girl” Taylor Vaughn, Zack’s girlfriend and she immediately breaks up with him (which honestly is probably a good idea anyway) and his “friends” fucking laugh at him which he really had coming. I mean. Look at his hair. 

This launches what is probably one of my favorite narrated flashback scenes of all time, not because the topic is particularly interesting but because I love the way they have Zach interrupt her inside of the flashback. It’s a very small addition that really gives the scene style. Also we see this hot girl start dating Shaggy??? Also one of the villains from the original Scream???( he only really plays one character.) Makes me laugh every time. Also makes me a little uncomfortable every time since she’s in high school and he’s who knows how old but whatever not important. This also leads to one of my favorite exchanges in the whole movie. 

Taylor wraps up her spring break story time with one of the rawest lines I've ever seen in a 90s movie (she really did that to him) and the director throws in a classic high school movie trope, everyone actually caring enough to stop and watch this exchange. And while I usually hate this kind of character worship, since this movie is already so bizarre and unrealistic it actually kinda fits

We then cut to Laney’s art class which includes her teacher that for some reason thinks her art isn’t personal enough and two clown obsessed Lydia Deetz knock offs. I have to say I do love this part where the art students literally suggest that she kill herself in order to have her art recognized. Very realistic conversation between art students. 

That whole scene is really funny though because it doesn’t feel like it belongs in this movie. Even the music doesn't fit which is only emphasized by the sudden bell ringing transition back into a stereotypical high school movie. It reminds me of movies like the craft, the way it’s cut together, the way the characters talk, how Laney just stares straight ahead after not saying anything. It seems like she could have chosen a completely different movie to be in. Like if the movie was a chose your own adventure, she could have been in a different genre entirely and the movie would have been about her and those girls faking her death to get recognition and make money from her paintings. which would have been sick. but that isn't the movie I’m watching. Which I’m reminded of when fucking Zack comes back on screen.

Also right before the scene where the actual bet is introduced we meet the school’s resident DJ??? which isn’t important at all but is so strange that I feel the need to point it out. Like they don’t just have a guy who does the announcements they have like a disc jockey who is just there all the time??? There are just so many little things in this movie that make it so weird.

So fucking Brock pukashells pulls up and Zach just flips. Which is understandable it is a very gross moment but he just fucking goes off about Taylor and how she’s not that great and he could get with any girl in the school. His friends point out that bitch boy forgot that Taylor Vaughn is “an institution” and basically Zach with tits. She’s very important. This is something I never get about movies like this, has anyone actually been to a high school where someone was that well known. But also not liked? Like sure she’s hot, but she’s also a grade A bitch to everyone. and according to Zach nothing more than a C minus GPA in a Wonderbra. 

Once you get through the misogyny plus ultra scene and they finally make the bet, frosted tips has picked the girl Zach has to turn into the prom queen. Scary inaccessible Laney Boggs. He’s got 6 weeks to make her popular. He starts off his first exchange with her in the best way possible. By calling her brother Spaz (as his name). Again, we’re supposed to like this guy I think. I don’t know when he’s supposed to become a likable character but I can’t imagine it’s during all these scenes where he just legit insults people.

I also love all of the clips we get to see from Brock’s time on The Real World Which make me really question why all the girls fan girl over him given that he’s actually the worst, even on the show. We also get introduced to Zack’s sister who probably should have been a lesbian given how queer coded her character is besides the fact that she desperately wants a boyfriend. She even goes to an all girls school it would have been perfect. But alas, this movie is gay-less.

We are then introduced to another b-plot in this movie, Zack’s indecision about college. This was I guess to make him more human? or something? To sort of flesh him out and give him problems but honestly he doesn't have any problems. Later in the movie Laney points this out to him, he can do whatever he wants. This whole college thing is resolved fairly quickly later in the film too, it’s not very important it’s just the only thing we see about Zack besides being a perfect high schooler throughout the whole movie. Well that and his terrible performance art and being an asshole. 

After we see that Zack has been accepted by every Ivy League school and their mother (I’m not jealous I swear) we take a brief Taylor being a bitch detour before getting back to Zack making an ass of himself. This time he’s bothering Laney at her job which is awesome we love that. Again I don’t know why we like this guy he does like 3 nice things the whole movie. Anyway she gets defensive like she always does and he fumbles around trying to talk like he’s a normal person and not a walking cliché and then there’s this really strange exchange where he tries to asked her for help in art classes and she says “you don’t take art” and he’s like “how do you know?” and she’s like “Why haven't I seen you in any of my classes?” and like, I get what they were going for but what kind of high school is this? how does she have time to take more than one art class? How is she already an art major before she’s in college that’s not how high school works. I only ever had one school where I could take more than two extra curriculars and that was in middle school and it was only because they fucked up and put me in four hours of study hall and so I just went to all of the art classes that were offered. But that’s different. And am I way over analyzing this movie? yes. Does anyone but me care about this shit? probably not, but I’m gonna talk about it anyway.

I also really like Laney’s best friend who’s kind of just there, all the time, he’s such a good wing man. He also made the best excuse to get out of seeing that weird ass art show she’s in. He’s like, oh good I don’t have to see another Mitch show. He’s probably in his underwear in all of them, I wouldn’t want to go either. I think it really says something about the performance art world though, because this is probably the most believable part of the whole movie. If someone told me that his is just an actual performance art piece that they used in this movie I would absolutely believe them. Also one of the weird gremlins in this piece says what is probably my favorite quote ever which is “my soul is an island, my car is a Ford” like what the fuck is that I love that so much.

I really want to know how they came up with this shit, it’s so perfect. It also is another one of these parts in the movie that doesn’t really add anything. A lot of the movie is like this, I feel like 90% of this movie is weird filler scenes and the rest in plot. Like it’s so obvious how it’s going to end that you barely even need to watch most of the movie, and even when you do watch most of the movie it always kind of feels like it only half has something to do with the plot. I’m not even going to talk about the weird hacky Sack scene, I can’t handle how embarrassing and cringey it is I pretty much always skip through it. What a dick move of Laney’s to even put him in that situation. The whole “your eyes are really beautiful” scene is also really strange, both his lines and her reaction don’t really make sense. Through most of this movie when they actually talk to each other I feel like they don’t have any chemistry. It’s the same when he subtly blackmails her into going to the beach with him. He’s awkward and barely says anything that prompts a response and then she just goes full WOKE EMO on him and like, they really do have nothing in common I do not understand their relationship. And then his friends show up and he’s like, “If we’re gonna be friends we’ll have to deal with them eventually” which like, 1: wow get some friends you actually like maybe? And 2: how are you guys friends, you’ve barely ever managed to exchange civil words on screen. Actually maybe that makes sense, this is why he thinks this is okay (besides the whole bet thing) maybe he doesn’t realize he’s supposed to actually like his friends and girlfriend. Because it really seems like he doesn’t like any of them, which I get. Except for Gus (not his name but whatever) because that guy’s actually pretty funny and spends the whole movie calling frosted tips out whenever he sounds too much like Kenny from Can’t Hardly Wait.

The whole beach scene is kinda take it or leave it too, there are a lot of moments where we see Laney hang out with Zack and other people but honestly through the whole movie there really isn’t a whole lot of growth. We don’t actually really see them bond or talk, we’re supposed to believe their relationship is growing but I guess that must be happening off screen because I don’t see it.

One of my favorite parts is when Zack forces the JV soccer team to clean Laney’s house, the kid answering the jeopardy question and her dad just realizing they were there. Oh man, gets me every time. The makeover scene is also pretty cute, I always love those. Also the whole “new, not improved, but different Laney Boggs” thing is adorable and I appreciate it.

The evolving of the characters and their relationships don’t happen gradually, what little is actually shown is pretty much in like 3 parts, the opening, the party scene, and the end. The characters are very flat for most of the movie and they have very little personality, but the party scene is very fun to watch. From “Gracias, papi!” to Laney turning Misty into a clown, and then the Give it to Me dance sequence. And even though the characters haven’t really given me a good reason to care about them my heart still hurts a little for Laney when Taylor ruins her dress. That’s the thing about this movie, I shouldn’t care, I shouldn’t like these characters, but I still do, and I have no idea why.

The Brock dumping Taylor thing was great, the parallel was expected but I actually think it added to the story. In fact most of the things after the party actually feel necessary to the movie which is nice. Even the soccer practice actually leads to something. I don’t know what it is about the 2nd quarter of this movie that feels so empty but whatever it is it’s enough that I saw a noticeable difference when I got to the third act of this movie.

It’s a small part but I also really love the alternative clubs that make signs in favor of Laney for prom queen. They’re just so fucking funny to me. I mean, Hygiene club? Prisoners club??? What?

Then they pull another fast feelings thing on me again. They throw the mom painting scene at me and like, wow that’s sad. Then Zack tries to garner sympathy for the problems that he makes for himself. Then boom they flip on me again they’re cute and I like them. Then she says that weird thing about prom and he just dips man. And like, Why do they gotta do me like that? I cannot seem to decide if I like these characters or not it’s so weird how this dialogue is written.

And then the dream happens? Definitely one of the best scenes in the whole movie. So fucking perfect. It really just adds to the weird slight surrealness of this whole movie.

Then we go back to the school and suddenly everyone is dressing like Laney? In support I guess? Again can I just ask what fucking school they go to? And then there’s the beat boxing scene? Where they rap about who’s gonna be prom queen? I’ve never even met anybody that invested in the outcome of who’s gonna be prom queen except for those running. I don’t even think I know anybody who voted. Even so, I do love the beat box scene, they really spit some bars.

Also I just noticed that in that super fucked cafeteria scene, you can see Buffy make a cameo? Just a fun little trivia fact. But seriously that cafeteria scene is fucked. Like, the pubes on the pizza? I wish no one had thought of that ever. Also can I just say I would undoubtedly rather get my ass kicked than be forced to eat pubes. I don’t know what they were thinking that isn’t even a question.

It’s also really uncomfortable how good frosted tips is at acting like he’s not a douchebag. What a creep. If that were a real guy I’d be tempted to call him a sociopath. So gross. But I suppose it’s good for the story line.

The end of the movie wraps up pretty fast honestly. Zack’s dad and him finally communicate which fixes Zack’s only problem immediately because that’s just how easy it is. He was just projecting the whole time, his dad had literally no problems other than being a typical rich dad. Then of course we get another moment with the school DJ who I guess just gets to play and say what ever he wants whenever he wants. Am I the only one who thinks it’s really inappropriate how sexual that guy’s announcements about prom are? Maybe it’s just me and I had a really different high school experience but I feel like people are way too focused on sex when they make movies about high school. Other shit was going on you know? It’s just odd for me to think about grown adults writing and pitching this movie.

Zack really is such a bitch boy though, he doesn’t even try to explain anything to her, just lets her get hurt and lets Taylor be a bitch to her without saying anything. He doesn’t even try to tell her that frosted tips was just as much a part of it as he was. Honestly I kind of wish that frosted tips wasn’t such an asshole his whole heart to heart with her at the door before prom could have been really cute if I didn’t already know he was a lying scumbag. But I guess Laney just gets the lesser of the douchebags.

We finally get to the prom, inarguably the best part of the whole movie, all the little bits and pieces. The sex doll guy is always funny as hell. The DJ being the school DJ works really well brings a lot of closure to that whole weirdness. Also that dance scene is fucking great, has absolutely nothing to do with the plot, which actually works since about 40% of the things in this movie have nothing to do with the plot of this movie. I absolutely unironically tried to learn this dance, man I fucking wish prom was actually like this. I don’t know about you guys but for me, both of my proms were not nearly this theatrical. I spent my first one playing black jack the whole time and my senior prom was full of people that were way too white to dance. Anyway, Laney doesn’t win and she leaves early. Zack gives a pretty boring speech. Taylor goes off on everyone. Frosted tips tries to get Laney in bed and everyone gets upset.

The whole thing ends with Laney coming home to find Zach waiting for her to make sure she’s okay, which is sweet and all but like I can’t help wondering how long he had just been standing there waiting. Especially since it seemed like her dad was just ignoring him. That’s just a funny image to me. Anyway, they dance in the backyard. They kiss. It’s cute. Zack loses the bet so he accepts his diploma naked which I’m pretty sure is indecent public exposure but sure.

Overall it’s a very cute movie. The clichés are sort of made up for by all the weird 90s movie things. Plus it has a pretty great soundtrack. I know I sort of really went in on this movie but to be honest I really enjoy watching it. I’m not sure why. It’s pretty bad when you think about it any deeper than surface level. But it’s also just really fun and the characters are weird and there’s too many duffel bags to be normal and it’s just funny. It’s really weirdly funny. And it has that same non-conclusion that a lot of teen rom-coms have where they just can’t really give you all that much and just make sure they’re happy even if you know there is no way they can continue a relationship outside of high school. It may sound like it, but I’m not mad at it. If you haven’t already I’d say watch it. Watch it as a relaxing mindless good time activity. At the very least you won’t be bored, but if you get sympathy embarrassment like I do then maybe skip a few parts.

As of right now this movie is not available for free on any streaming sites (yes I own it on DVD don’t @ me)

Final Verdict:

Actual movie review: 6/10

How fun is it to watch?: 8/10

[atlantic-riona]

1, 2, 5-8

1. Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.

It swings between a story with friendship/family dynamics, lots of humor mixed with drama, and ultimately a happy ending, and a story that’s philosophical, vaguely terrifying and/or depressing, and ultimately bittersweet/scary.

…The former tends to be longer stories, while the latter tends to be my short stories. I have no idea what that says about me!

2. Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

I would love to try my hand at writing faeries. I feel like a lot of modern stuff I’ve read tends to either crib off of Tolkien or be really badly done/uninspired (although for an excellent, wonderful interpretation of faeries, everybody reading this should go read @hobbitsetal‘s Mute, because it’s amazing and I will never stop talking about it).

However, I’m not sure that I could do it well? I don’t know. I have vague plans for something similar to faeries in The Raven’s Return, but these might get adapted as time goes on.

ALSO I would really want to try an arranged marriage story because secretly I ADORE them. it’s just!! their marriage is arranged!! but then!!! they fall in LOVE

5. Share one of your strengths.

I feel like dialogue is a strength of mine? It’s really easy for me to write, at any rate!

6. Share one of your weaknesses.

Description. I really struggle to write description. I’m never sure if I’ve overdone it, underdone it, or what.

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

A solitary figure stands forlorn, silhouetted against the sunset. The mass of curls on her head burns in the dying light, like a sputtering fire. It’s her. Helen of Troy.

“I know that’s what they call me,” Helen says without moving. Her gaze is fixed on the carnage below. Cassandra hadn’t meant to speak aloud, but now that she has…

She moves closer and Helen speaks again. “They used to call me Helen of Sparta.” Her lovely, hated, adored face remains turned away, shadowed and sorrowed. “And my husband–”

“Which one?” Cassandra interrupts, having assumed a careless position of relaxed leaning against the battlements, one elbow propping up her chin. At the tenseness of the other woman’s shoulders, she shrugs and looks away. “I mean, there are so many of them.” Despite the laxness of her appearance, her muscles are thrumming like a just-fired arrow. This woman is bringing murder and grief to her city, all for the sake of her stupid affair. Cassandra has no interest in hearing any sad story from this woman. Sad stories won’t resurrect the dead or comfort their grieving wives.

Helen turns to face her then. Cassandra stares coolly back at her. She’s beautiful, indeed, but beautiful like a snake. Cassandra has experience with snakes.

“Do you know what it’s like?” Helen of Troy asks her, advancing. “To have never had a choice?”

Cassandra says nothing, because her breath has been stolen away. As with Scáthach, though, she does not retreat. She is no coward.

“All my life,” Helen says, “I have been a prize. A prize to be fought over. First, I was a prize to Theseus at the tender age of seven. My brothers stormed his stronghold and won me back, and so I was again a prize for my father. Then I was a prize for all the kings of Greece. And so that no one would feel insulted, I was not left to choose one out of all of them. Instead my would-be husbands drew straws. And the man who won was not even there to claim me, his winnings–his brother was.”

“You’re still a prize,” Cassandra interrupts, taking a step forward. “Don’t you realize? You’re a prize that Aphrodite granted to my brother for saying that she was the most beautiful goddess. You’re still a prize, so why do it? Why give in to it? Why is it better to be a prize over here, in Troy–why is it better to destroy my city as Paris’ prize than to live quietly with your daughter as Menelaus’ prize? Tell me.”

The crows circle overhead. Helen remains still, frozen like carved ice. A moment later, when she moves, it is like ice shearing off to reveal a storming sea. “Because,” she says, her eyes reflecting the carnage below, “because I have chosen to be here. It may be my destiny to eternally be someone’s prize; but I’ll be damned if I don’t choose who wins me.” A single tear falls. It shatters on the stone like glass. “And I thought you might understand,” she says, “because you’re god-touched too.”

______

I really like this one because it was one of the few times in my life where the descriptions were exactly what I wanted, with barely any editing at all. I also like it because Helen of Troy and Cassandra have fascinated me for, like, ever and I always thought they were such intriguing characters to play with.

Like, Helen can be written as a victim or as a villain or somewhere in between (and when you read the Iliad, it’s pretty obvious that Aphrodite’s heavily involved and making Helen do stuff she doesn’t want to, but also Helen’s life has basically been plotted for her since the beginning–she’s the daughter of Zeus, she’s been kidnapped by Theseus, she’s going to be married off and she’s the most beautiful woman in all of Greece–who’s to say that maybe at the beginning, she chose to do something for herself? I think for this version I went a little more ‘ice queen’ and ‘selfish’ than how I would read the actual Helen in the Iliad, but I do think she can be seen that way). And for Cassandra–is she mad? Is she trapped? Is she going mad? (Wouldn’t you, if you could see everything that was coming, but nobody listened to you, and you couldn’t stop it?)

In I See It Crimson, I See It Red, I was playing with the idea of fate and destiny, and whether it was even possible to have free will if you could see the future and your destiny, so Helen was kind of an example of knowing one’s destiny but making a different choice.

Also, this was a really fun twist to write, because for the earlier parts of the story, Cassandra hates Helen, and Helen gets portrayed extremely negatively, but here, Helen makes the point that she and Cassandra are not so different–both of them have gods meddling with their lives–so that was something I really liked.

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

“You shouldn’t curse people,” he said firmly. “That’s wrong.”

Great. The Raven had standards. “Sorry,” she said, getting up and brushing her knees off, “not all of us had the luxury of morals in the recent past.”

Milon was still warm to the touch when she pressed her hand to his forehead—a little cooler than before, or was that wishful thinking?

“I only meant,” came the Raven’s voice behind her, “that it’s not right. You shouldn’t have to hurt people for money.”

“Are you any better?” she shot back without turning around. “Seems to me you do the same thing, only a little more violently—that’s right, I heard about the massacre in Arciun. A little bit before my time here, true, but the others are still talking about it even now. How many people had to die for the money you and Noz gained?”

“That’s different. Those people—they deserved it.” Almost to himself, he muttered, “King’s blood, you should have seen what they’d done.”

“Oh, but the brother that screwed over his family didn’t? The drunkard who beat his wife and children didn’t? The wife who cheated on her husband and laughed at him when he cried didn’t? The girl who tormented every other child in her village until they were reduced to tears didn’t? At least I don’t kill all of my victims.”

He came over to look down at Milon. “Those Valaviri nobles in Arciun—they kept slaves. They’d practically enslaved everyone else, too. The children were starving. There were—” He stopped, cleared his throat. “There were more orphans than adults. The nobles had killed their parents for resisting, or sent them off to prison—and worse, in that prison, they’d be—” Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes. “I met the prisoners from Arciun. In prison, where we were all waiting to be killed. If you had heard their stories—” He broke off. “And we didn’t kill everyone, either. That’s a lie. Only the ones who were responsible.”

“And that justified making their children in turn orphans? Taking their wealth so they could take their own turn at starving?”

The Raven felt Milon’s forehead and bent over to listen to his breathing. “We didn’t take all of their money,” he argued as he straightened. “We left them enough to live on. More than enough.”

“Oh, yes, so very generous of you—leaving scared children in a province full of people looking to exact however many years of pent-up vengeance upon somebody. Noz feed you that line?” One of her friends had a brother who’d lived in Arciun—she’d cried for weeks when the news finally reached the Tower. “The way I heard it, nobody survived the second round of killings. Now the whole province is still in uproar—how many more orphans have you created? Noble rebels, my foot.”

He shoved his hair out of his eyes. “We—I—had nothing to do with that. You can’t—”

“If you hadn’t set everything in motion, none of that would have happened!”

“They were Valaviri,” he said, eyes flashing in rage. “You don’t know what they’re capable of, how cruel they can be!”

“For your information, I am Valaviri,” she told him coldly. “I may have been born in one of the outer provinces, but without the empire, do you know where I’d be right now?”

“Not running for your life?” he bit off.

She clenched her teeth. “I’d be slaving away on a farm somewhere, instead of knowing how to read—oh, and also how to throw literal lightning.”

The anger in his eyes hadn’t faded; Calista dug her nails into her palm, understanding suddenly why everybody in the camp was terrified of the Raven. He looked as though if she spoke one more word, he would leap across the tent and put her in the ground right then and there.

“Look,” she said, striving for a calmer tone, “I’m not here to make friends or debate politics. I appreciate your help with my little brother, really, I do. Just tell me what you want in return and my debt can be settled.”

He turned away, dismissing her. “I don’t want anything from you.”

Why had she expected anything different? Lulled by the banter between the two boys, exhausted from worry and late nights, she’d hoped—desperately, painfully hoped—for an ally, a friend; someone who could show basic human decency and understand her plight.

Instead, she had been bitterly reminded that she was surrounded by rebels who saw no harm in killing those she considered her friends and countrymen. Fine. She didn’t need them. She didn’t need anyone. She and Milon were just fine on their own, thank you.

“That’s what you say now,” she threw at his retreating back. “That’s what Noz said at first, too.”

“I’m nothing like him!”

____

Because the majority of characters in The Raven’s Return are Falian, we generally see a very anti-Valaviri perspective of the world. And there’s good reason for that, but that’s not the way reality works. For one thing, you can’t blame an entire people for something that their military or government decides to do–and even then, how do you blame an entire group like that? Are the people in the military only in the military because they need money? Is it a way to make their lives better? Did the people in the government make their decision based on what was best for their people? Since people don’t have the benefit of 20/20 hindsight like we do, would it have been feasible for them to take the alternative route like we think they should have? What were the available options that they knew of at the time? Obviously, there are definitely cases where we can look at an event and the people involved and say, “here’s what went wrong, here’s what would have been better for everybody involved, here’s who’s to blame,” but history is complex. People are complex. And for a lot of people, that’s hard to wrap their minds around, because a narrative with good guys and bad guys is so much easier to process and understand.

Part of what I’m trying to do with The Raven’s Return is show the complexity of history and the effect of that complexity. The nin Roys and other Falians hate the Valaviri because their land was invaded and their own culture was taken over. But Lucan wasn’t the one who did that–that invasion happened centuries ago. Plenty of Valaviri weren’t responsible for that. And there are elements of Valaviri culture to be admired–Cal brings up education, and how that improved her future. The issue here is messy, and it’s complicated, and both sides have some of it right and some of it wrong. There isn’t a clear cut “bad group” and a clear cut “good group.” There is an empire, and a lot of the characters hate it (pretty much all of the characters have some problems with how it is right now, but that’s pretty standard for anybody with their government), but it’s not an evil empire, and Falia isn’t the noble rebel nation. It’s messy, just like history.

So I like this conversation because it gets into that a little bit. Cal doesn’t like the government or the magicians right now, but she appreciates the empire nevertheless. Bran can’t understand that, and maybe he never will, but he needs to hear that the world is more complex than he might think.

Also, I love having characters with different worldviews have discussions without one character being a strawman. That’s really annoying to read, and seems so lazy to me. So I like this little snippet for doing that.

[shoot-i-messed-up]

L and V (Part 8)

A/N: Uhhhh this part took me longer to post because I wanted to plan the rest of the parts better, so yeah. Now instead of 8 parts, there’s 10. Also, pay close attention :)

Tropes/Pairings: Analogical, background Royality, hero x villain, soulmates AU (the one where if you draw on yourself, it shows up on your soulmate’s skin), and superpowers

Summary: Logic pulls another heist with his team of villains, and Anxiety gets hurt. Logic tries to reconcile, but they are caught by a first grader, a tween, and a tired mother.

TW: Injuries, robbery, Deceit mention (Tell me if there’s any more)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

Anxiety kept his promise, mostly. The two of them set up dates, originally to the places they had famously fought in, but then they branched out to cozy cafes and their own homes. Virgil learned to communicate better, and so did Logan. Once, Virgil knocked on Logan’s door, so he could pick him up for one of their dates. Virgil had accidentally met the A-team of villains he had fought, though he didn’t know until Logan quietly told him at the park.

A week after their talk, Logic and his team checked their plan one last time. The villain felt a little guilty about it, but he reminded himself of the end goal and benefits. In the plan, he had subtly given himself a task that would have the least publicity. He didn’t want Virgil to notice about his continued villainy. They never tried to talk about it. They pretended that they weren’t on opposite sides. Logic was fine with pretending. Pretending hurt less, so pretending was beneficial.

To his right, Logic hacked a camera with the assistance of their spy on the inside.

“Anxiety, there’s a robbery at Charlotte Bank.”

“I’m on it,” Anxiety said. He stood up and scanned the city around him. Charlotte Bank was a small bank in size, though it had a lot of money inside. “Where’s Charlotte Bank?”

“Anxiety. You’ve been there twice before,” Corbin said.

“Corbin, just gimme the directions,” he murmured into the earpiece as he blindly ran through some alleyways. At the very least, he had a general idea of the direction. “Who else is notified or on the scene?”

“Nobody’s on the scene, yet, but three heroes, excluding you, are already notified. Now, turn left until I say right.”

A little boy tugged his mother’s sleeve as Anxiety passed by and pointed at him. The hero hoped that running was worth the energy. He ran past more surprised civilians and hoped that the Dragon Witch wouldn’t notice him. She was usually set up in a surveillance role in robberies. But she was a force to be reckoned with in a battle, seeing as she could breathe fire to a degree. The Dragon Witch was someone Anxiety was scared of, but that concept wasn’t new.

“Right.”

Anxiety took a sharp turn into another dark alleyway and prayed to whatever gods were up there that there wasn’t an ambush up ahead. But even villain organizations with the rationality of a certain someone trying to invade Russia during winter knew that there needn’t be more than a handful of villains at a simple robbery. At least, that was what he hoped. And hope has failed him, so many times.

High above the city, the Dragon Witch spotted several ant-like dots run through the streets. She snorted smoke and even didn’t flinch at the sting of pain. Envy would notify her at any moment now when the battle would begin. “Witch,” a crackling voice said. “Three, no, four heroes have shown up.” The corner of her mouth curled up in a sickening smile.

“I’ll be there.”

Finally, she could destroy. Daphne had been longing for this day for a while, ever since she had been cooped up for who knows how long.

Anxiety quietly groaned from the pain and cursed his fate. He had never asked for this, he just wanted a nice looking resume and took up being a hero’s intern. He got elevated to a sidekick, that escalated into him being an independent superhero, and now he laid on the cement, in the dirty alleyway. Just great. Just like other countless battles he had lost, Anxiety thought bitterly. He had lost another one. He wished the other heroes weren’t as prideful as they were, not calling backup like that. They should’ve.

(The agency’s healing department came, but Anxiety had been left behind on accident. As usual, he was expendable.)

The A-team was what the superheroes called them. The Dragon Witch, who could turn into a dragon; Deceit, who could make one believe any lie; Envy, who could take whatever you have in your hands; Creativity, who could make any non-living thing; Sleep, who could make anyone unconscious in a matter of minutes; and Logic, who could control the air around them. They were powerful. The Dragon Witch was the most brutal, and Anxiety would’ve liked to avoid her. But the other heroes had left her to Anxiety because he was always lucky with dodging the Dragon Witch’s flames.

At least Creativity the common sense to not let his boyfriend’s brother burn, but in order to do that, Creativity had tried to “fight” him AND cover Anxiety from the Dragon Witch. Deceit had also contributed to this mock battle in the middle of a real one, probably because Deceit still felt guilt from the time he had kidnapped Anxiety. Anxiety didn’t see Logic in the entirety of the fight, though he thought there was a slight wind helping him dodge the Dragon Witch’s flames.

In the corner of his eye, he spotted a figure in black and blue tights. Just the insult to injury he needed. He didn’t need Logan to know how pathetic he was, assuming this was actually him. He checked his earpiece; he didn’t need Corbin to hear their conversation.

“...V?” Logic said.

“How’d you know I was here?” Anxiety asked warily. He feared shape shifters, such as the Dragon Witch herself. As far as he knew, the Dragon Witch couldn’t shift into anything other than a dragon, but he could be wrong.

“I was tipped off by Deceit,” Logic said. He stood just far away from Anxiety as the hero was understandably jumpy from the fight that they had fought. “V, are you okay?”

“You would know,” Anxiety snarled on instinct. “Sorry, coping mechanism kicked in. I'm just a little injured.”

“How?” Logic asked. He crouched down to look at Anxiety’s wounds. “Creativity?”

“Obviously. And Deceit, too.”

Logic cursed Creativity and Deceit’s name, which Anxiety almost found comforting and amusing had he not been in pain. At the very least, the most major wound wasn’t on the arm that had been slashed last time. “Are you going to be okay?” Logic asked.

“I think so,” Anxiety said. “Hopefully.”

Logic had never been good at snap decisions. When he was younger, his elementary school loved to play chopsticks, and so did Logic himself. But his nine-year-old self had noticed that he would lose again and again. So he taught himself how to think ahead and map out possible moves. Now he loved to play chess. So he always wanted to think on it, if he could, and possibly research it. But now, with his soul mate injured because of something he had personally helped, he made a decision. “You know what?”

“What?”

If he stayed a villain, if he lost a fight, he would lose money and rank within his organization. But if he won a fight, he could hurt Anxiety, and that was a great loss. It was a lose/lose situation. And Logic wasn’t ready to lose so many times. Logic saw a way out, and he had been thinking about it for a week. “I’m going to come clean. I’m not going to be a villain anymore.”

“L,” Anxiety said softly. He moved closer to Logic. “Are you sure? I know how much they mean to you.”

“Of course,” Logic said. He cupped Anxiety’s face in his hand. “You mean more to me.”

The seven-year-old waddled along with his mother. A tween with her earbuds in followed, almost skipping. The boy talked excitedly to his tired mother about the superhero they had seen.

“And-and-and Ang-i-ady was super cool!”

“Yes, yes, Mason,” the woman said distractedly. She looked around the streets, careful. The three took a right turn. “Heroes are very exciting and-” She stopped suddenly and gaped at an alleyway. The boy followed her look and gasped.

“Mommy! Mommy! Is those heroes?” Mason pointed at them.

“Hmm?” the tween hummed and took out one of her earbuds. She stared into the alleyway. “Holy-are those Anxiety and Logic making out?” She fumbled with taking her phone out. “Wait ‘til Tasha sees this! She’s going to freak!” She lowered her phone just as she had taken a few pictures. “Tasha’s gonna to rub this in my face.”

And Tasha did rub it into her friend’s face.

Taglist:

@cyberpunkjinx

@jemthebookworm

@preyed-llama

@a-ghosts

@alicehatter529

[callie-the-snarky-geek-blog]

RvB16 Episode 2 Review: Incendiary Incidents

(Old Blog Repost)

Last time, not a lot happened other than going out for food, Donut unlocking his true potential as a contortionist, and alien Norse Gods are a thing that exist. Nothing that unusual for this show. We got the setup, so what’ll they do with it now as the pizza quest continues? Lets find out!

Overview

To the shock of no one, Grif crashed the ship. He rushes everyone through the insults and sidenote to Kai’s… so does she actually have regular contact with their mom? Makes me really wonder about where Grif stands with his family. Anyways, good news is the pizza place isn’t far off! They just have to go through some ominous woods! Grif however opts to go through the less than ominous woods which would take longer, but isn’t… well, ominous. This gets Simmons attention. Enough that, as they make their way through, he pulls Grif aside to find out what his deal is. My shipping heart is happy to see Simmons noticing that something’s not right with his not-boyfriend and getting to the bottom of it… please tell me I didn’t accidentally write an innuendo,

So you knwo that ‘new science’ Grif mentioned last episode? Well here’s that new science: laziness… sort of! So when stuck on the moon (I THINK he called it Iris? So… after Michael and Lindsay’s daughter/Geoff’s goddaughter? AWW!), Grif found a book that Jax left behind about story structure. He found out about ‘incendiary incidents’, which are incidents that jumpstart a plot essentially I tried to look it up to see if that’s an actual term… and all I got was a bunch of fire safety websites. But I’ll take Joe’s word for it and say it’s an actual term. So Grif cutting off Jensen before, crashing the ship deliberately as it turns out due to a message from Locus, and avoiding the ominous woods is to avoid getting into an incident that would jumpstart a plot, and therefore lead them into another adventure. IDK if this is clever fourth wall breaking but… wow. WOW. Even Simmons gets chocked up about how much effort Grif put into doing nothing. It’s counterproductive when you think about it, but still!

Unfortunately for Grif, he IS in a webshow with plot structure and the powers to be aren’t going to let them get out of it that easy. Caboose discovered a glowing lake. And a figure emerges form it. Now the episode summary describes a thought to be deceased team member returning. Oh my Gd, that… that’s crazy! It could anyone! But why?! Tex? Flowers? Shelia? Church? Alpha Church? Yellow Church?! The guy who got killed during one of those 360 videos?! The possibilities are endless! It could be anyone! Who knows what kind of shocking twist it cou.. it’s Donut. Who we all knew was alive. Yeah… well I’ll give them this, it had me hyped for the episode.

So Donut… Jesus Christ. No, seriously, Donut is now Jesus. He walked ont he water for crying out loud! Donut says that he had been taken through time and that they have to go into the past to stop a great danger… and absolutely no one buys it. Now to be fair, Simmons makes a good point later. They already went through a time travel story and it turns out it was just a simulation. So them being skeptical about this happening again, especially since only Caboose saw the body horror last episode and I imagine that he forgot by now, is pretty understandable. But yeah no one buys it and Grif feels relieved about avoiding the story bomb… until Simmons points out that refusing the call is an actual story trope. See Grif? There’s no escaping!

So the Reds and Blues make it to ton and… yeah, it’s been totaled. After talking to Jeremy Dooley… I-I mean a cop… no, I’m 90% sure that was Jeremy. Anyways! After that, Donut tries to convince them of time travel again, and this time has actual proof. He has this new gun which he uses to open a portal to a few days earlier. How did he get this? Well to put it simply, after he got hit by Loco’s machine he got sent back in time and his body got wrecked, but God found him and fixed him. IDK if he means the Christian God or one of these alien Gods, but they’ve picked the Reds and Blues to be his time traveling warriors and has sent back four more guns for them to use to go back in time with. The portals can also only fit two grown humans at once.

Unfortunately, things go downhill quickly. So you guys remember the four armed guy from the trailer? Well the sky goes dark and he appears… oh sorry, typed that wrong. I mean that SHE appears. Yes everyone, we have a legit female villain at last!! I couldn’t get her name, but part of it sounded like Callie… which is my name… UGH… anyways! Yeah, she starts causing chaos and destruction. Donut uses a bubble shield, telling the others to use the portal guns and get away. They comply with everyone pairing off: Cabbose and Lopez, Tucker and Sister, Grif and Doc, and Sarge and Simmons. Donut remains behind, though I assume that he’ll follow them later. Huggins, who has been following the group, chases after Grif and Doc by going through their portal. We follow Sarge and Simmons as they land in… what looks like ancient Egypt. Could be wrong, but we’ll have to wait and find out cause that’s the end of the episode!

Review

Well all of that escalated quickly!

So… gonna talk about Grif first! Cause yes, he’s getting a character arc! I mean I guess it could have ended here since his plan failed, but since Huggins went after him and Doc we could get something on that front. Anyways, so I was right and Grif is actively trying to keep them out of getting into adventures. To the point that he’s putting effort into maintaining laziness… that’s the kind of logic I expect form this show. It wasn’t how I expected it, but I expected it. It’s also good to see that he does still have some hangups from the moon. He seems a lot more… what’s the word? High-strung than normal? He’s also still talking in pretty large bursts compared to normal. I don’t know if that’s just me reading into it too much, but it seems like Joe is trying to show that Grif still has hangups from his self-exile. Which hey, if it means more Grif focus, I am not complaining!

The episode is more about plot than the last one. Last week was the setup, and now the payoff is here. So first, Donut. He was written SO WELL. One of the issues last season was that Donut was pretty much a background prop and they even forgot to put him in scenes. Joe must have realized that this was a problem cause he’s already fixing it BIG TIME. Donut’s had shit happen man! He comes off as slightly mroe serious and competent in a sense that he actually knows the gravity of the situation. But he still feels and acts like Donut, which is good! It shows that he CAN be useful and competent, but without sacrificing his personality. Heck he only spouted out one innuendo and it was just to prove that it was really him. I am digging this new direction!

So turns out that the four armed guy si a terrifying alien goddess of death… I dig it! So someone pointed out that this character is similar to Hela from Thor: Ragnarok. SO it REALLY seems like Joe is basing the villain off Norse mythology… or just the Marvel Cinematic Universe verisons of them. Either way is fine. So I’m not sure if… Kali-Ra I think is her name? Anyways it doesn’t seem like she’s with the same group as Huggins cause I imagine that she would have reacted. I also don’t think that this chick is the main villain since DOnut referred to a ‘devil man’, but still she is terrifying and badass and I LOVE it. We finally got a female main villain guys! Joe is the hero we’ve waited for! Yay! Also Sarge asking he rot marry him, Of course he’d want to marry a violent death goddess… I’ll totes ship this!

Alright, time travel! SO ever since Joe mentioned it in that post a while ago, I’ve… been skeptical. Time travel in pretty much every show tends to be confusing and create tons of plot holes. It even happened in RvB before with Season 3 before Burnie retconned it as a simulation. Didn’t save my head from imploding, but still that’s a fair excuse. Hopefully Joe has a VERY good idea on what he’s doing with this, but I’ve been warming up to the idea since then. It’ll be fun to see the guys in different time periods at least! Form how it looks, Sarge and Simmons may go tomb raiding it it really is Ancient Egypt. I mean Sarge vs mummies, there is no way that cannot be epic!

So the gang is being split up, and the pairs are interesting! Sarge and Simmons sin’t that much of a surprise and tbf it’s been a long time since they had some one-on-one time. Simmons has also grown out of being a kissass quite a bit, so it’ll be interesting to see how that goes. Caboose and Lopez are together… so I’ just going to assume that in every animated RT production, Burnie is just meant to be stuck with/get annoyed with Joel in one way or another. Cause that is the impression I’m getting. Tucker and Sister are together, so I imagine flirting… okay I’m good with that! Hopefully Sister gets some focus to herself that isn’t just Tucker trying to hit on her, but still I’m good with this!

And finally Grif and Doc… that one is gonna be interesting. Grif in particular seems very grudgey against Doc for the betrayal and we just saw Doc save Grif form getting crushed by tackling him into the portal. Which props to Doc for that BTW. Still with that and since they’re 100 on an adventure now, Grif’s not gonna be a happy camper. Also if O’Malley gets active and starts going into Grif’s past issues like in S13, I… imagine that’ll be rough for our favorite orange boy. Also Huggins chased after them, so I assume that they’ll be discovering her soon. Which if she pals up with them…t hat could be really cute tbh! I am all for Grif and Doc shenanigans with a a ball of light! But yeah, this could lead to a LOT of things and I’m very interested in seeing how this plays out.

Final Thoughts

It was great! Admittedly this is a lot mroe bizarre than RvB has been in a while but it’s also RvB where Grif still being alive after getting hit by a tank and having Simmons organs thrown into him improperly isn’t ever questioned. Alien Norse Gods? Ia m all for it! Donut being Jesus? Awesome! More setup for Grf having a character arc? HELL YEAH MAN. It was a well done episode, progressing the plot without wasting any time, gives us a glimpse at how dangerous our villains our, gives us a badass female villain, and sets up everything for the episodes ot come. There’s definitely a feeling of epicness compared to last time, so it looks lie Joe is taking the armature gloves off and giving us one Hell of a story. I am very excited to see where it leads!

[goldenchildkatsuki]

For the kacchako drabbles, it could be about literally anything but it's a kacchako gender swap?

Done and Done!

Summary: It’s the second Cultural Festival and 1A have decided to do a play this year. A fanatsy story written and directed by Iida Tenya about a lady of royalty that meets a knight on a trip to visit other royalties and experiences love at first sight. The princess tried to deny her feelings since her father has told her that the knights were bloodthirsty and have slaughtered thousands for their ruthless king. Without a decent goodbye, she left the knight behind. The knight does everything in his power to make his way back to the princess and reunite with her. In this play most of the male roles are played by girls and vice versa. 

Writers note: I asked on Tumblr to send a cliché fanfiction trope in my ask box and I would make a decent Kacchako drabble out of it. This is for the sixth ask I received. Boy, was this harder than I thought. I didn’t want to go for the “ villain has a gender changing quirk” because for some reason it didn’t feel right. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good trope but I wanted to do something different. I made it kinda hard for myself by doing that but I managed to come up with something. (see the end for notes)

Word count: 3.010

AO3 link: (x)

THE GRYSELIA FAMILY AND THE LUNAR KNIGHTS

With hernail she tried to scratch the end of the tape loose. “Yaomomo, can you help mewith this again? I have tried to do this on my own at home but I failedmiserably.”

Yaoyoruzoutightened her ponytail and stuck her hands out. “It’s fine Uraraka, we don’tmind helping, it’s not exactly easy.”

Urarakahanded the tape over to Yaoyoruzou and she managed to get the end loose with afew scratches with her nail. She extended the tape and nodded.

“Readywhenever you are.”

Urarakatook a hold of her breasts and pulled them apart slightly. Yaoyoruzou startedto tear strips from the tape and carefully placed them on Uraraka’s chest.Gradually her chest flattened enough to fit into her costume. Satisfied thegirls looked at the chest and then back up at each other.

“Thank you,it’s looking good as always.” Uraraka clapped her hands together and bowed herhead.

“Oh it’snothing to thank me for! Let’s get dressed quickly, we don’t want the other towait for us for too long!” Yaoyoruzou waved her hand as she walked back to themake-up table.

Urarakastroked her hands over her chest and went behind the dressing curtain where shehad hung her costume. She sighed when eyeing it up and down, it was quite atask to get herself into the heavy armor. There wasn’t a single time she didn’tend up panting and sweating after getting into the suit. It was worth theexhaustion though, because when she looked in the mirror she couldn’t imagineherself looking any cooler.

And that tothink that she was quite hesitant when they assigned the role to her, not beingsure if she could do the character justice because of her small build, lengthand face. But she got amazed by what a bit of make-up and armor could do. Withevery rehearsal she started to embrace the character more and it took less totime to get into it. The other girls could also tell as they seemed starstruckand often praised her for her performance until she combusted from all thepositive reactions.

“I can’tget over how badass you look Ochako!” Ashido gushed the moment Uraraka steppedout from behind the dressing curtain.

The girlslooked around and ogled at her at if it was the first dress rehearsal. Urarakalaughed and pointed at her classmates. “You guys keep forgetting how cool youlook as well!”

The othergirls were also dressed in silver armor, though it wasn’t as flashy at hers,they still looked like the greatest set of knights a kingdom could have. Like theycould defeat any monster and any army with just the five of them.

The girlswent into their usual back and forth of complimenting each other and making thelast adjustments to their look as someone knocked on the dressing room door.

“We’resorry, we’re coming!” Uraraka yelled back at the door as she put her hair in abun.

The girlsgrabbed their scripts and marched out of the door to the theatre stage wherethe boys sat, dressed like mediaeval royals bent over a script and a grumpylook on their face. Some of the boys wore flowy linen pants and knee highboots, others wore dresses that scraped the floor. Uraraka couldn’t get overhow much more time it took for them to adjust then it took the girls. She hadlost count of how many times the boys tripped over their dresses or complainedabout that their face felt weird with ‘all that junk on them’. ‘Junk’ referringto the lightest bit of foundation and eyeshadow. Though she couldn’t blame themfor still trying to get the hang of it.

“There theyare! Now we can hurry up, I can feel this make-up melting of my face because ofthese ridiculously hot stage lights.” Kaminari moaned. The other boys nodded inagreement, touched their face and checked their hands and fingers forfoundation.

“Get overit already you Wet Wipe!” Bakugou groaned.

“Easy foryou to say Lead Actress, you’ve got the least on out of all of us.” Kaminarifired back at him.

Bakugou gota fistful of fabric of his dress and stood up. “I would shut up if I were you,don’t think I won’t be able to beat your ass in a dress and a wig.” Hethreatened.

Tsuyuleaned over to Uraraka to whisper in her ear. “Kind of strange how he stilllooks abnormally pretty when he’s acting like that.”

Urarakawatched Bakugou getting held back by Kirishima that held on to the bow on theback of his dress and tilted her head sideways.

“I stillcan’t get over it.”

Iidaluckily stepped came out from backstage to control the chaos. He straightenedhis barrette and raised a director horn to his mouth.

“Students,we don’t have time for messing around, stop this immediately!” He shoutedthrough the horn.

Immediatelythe boys kept their insults under their breath and sat back down on the wooden planks.Throughout the making of this play, Iida who was the director, sent the classthrough hell and back. Making them do the most trivial things over and overagain to get them perfect, constantly sending them back to the dressing room tohave them retouched, and adding on extra hours of if the singing or dancing wasoff that day. A lot of people were close to falling out with him, not beingable to see the fun rehearsing anymore since it turned to a literal boot camp.

But whenthey noticed the circles under Iida’s eyes getting darker, they started to lookback to where they started and compare it to where they were now. The classwouldn’t have been able to get so far if it wasn’t for Iida pushing them to dotheir best. As a sort of thank you, they gave the poor guy last week off andrehearsed by themselves, which he gave into much easier than expected. Now thatIida was back he was more fired up than usual, especially since they weregetting to the last scenes of the play.

“We onlyhave a handful of rehearsals left before the premiere at the festival and wehave an immense amount of work to do. There’s still dances and fight scenes tobe choreographed, there’s songs to be studied, and I’m more than positive thatnot everyone has their lines memorized yet. The rehearsal schedule is going tobe filled to the brim for now on and I haven’t made any space for unnecessaryfights or wasting time in dressing rooms!”

The wholeclass sighed and hung their head.

“Well then.For today’s rehearsal we need to set the choreography for the fight scenebetween the staff of the Gryselia family and the Lunar knights. The Lunarknights also need to rehearse singing their song as they change into battlearmor. And the princess and the knight need to start rehearsing their final scenes.That’s only half of the things we’re doing today, so like I said, filled tobrim. Let’s get started students!”

Iida wavedhis script at his classmates and put them in place, giving individual adviceand instructions and put them to work. Uraraka’s knights had left her side andBakugou’s staff had left hi. They made their way over to each other and stoodthere unsure what to actually do.

Bakugouelbowed Uraraka. “If we run now, the director from hell won’t notice we’re goneand we can get ice cream or something.”

Urarakawatched her classmates struggling with the steps and the many instructionsbeing yelled at them by the so called ‘director from hell’.

She laughed.“That does sound nice but everyone is working so hard. It wouldn’t be fair onthem.”

BeforeBakugou could even try to convince her to ditch the rehearsal, Iida noticedtheir absence and turned around. He inhaled and puffed up his chest, raised hishorn, ready to shout instructions at them.

“Iida, wecan hear you just fine. Can you just tell us what to do?” Uraraka quickly said.

Thedirector lowered his horn and raised his hands to his mouth instead. “You twocan study the lines of the scene after this fight scene together. I planned torehearse that scene this afternoon. You can practice anywhere you like, Irecommend staying close by.”

Iida threwthe keys of the dressing rooms at Bakugou and focused back on the knights andthe staff who took an opportunity to rest before they had to go throughtheatrical torture again.

Urarakalooked at Bakugou, bowed and gestured to backstage. “Lead the way princess.”She deepened her voice like she had done for the whole of the play.

Bakugouscoffed and flipped her off.

“That’s notvery ladylike!” Uraraka laughed.

Urarakafollowed Bakugou backstage and to the dressing rooms. Casually he unlocked andwalked into the boys dressing room. Uraraka kept hovering at the doorstep,hesitant to walk in. She looked back at the girls dressing room. She didn’tthink the girls would feel very comfortable knowing that a boy was in there.Uraraka remembered all the things lying around there, it was actuallyembarrassing how much of a mess their dressing room was, so maybe it was forthe best if Bakugou didn’t see any of that.

Shechanneled her inner Lunar knight and marched into the dressing room. Bakugouhad sat himself down on one of the dressers with a propped up knee, already flippingthrough the script. A blush crept up on Uraraka’s cheeks and averted her eyesto the ceiling.

She crossedher arms. “I can’t believe you keep forgetting you can’t be sitting like thatwhen you wear a dress.”

“I’mwearing boxers under this, not silk panties, it ain’t that bad.” Bakugou spreadhis legs even more.

Urarakaraised her crossed arms to her face. “Can you please just get into character sowe can start rehearsing?!” she sputtered.

Bakugou chuckledas he lowered his leg. “Right, let’s get this over with so we can still ditch.”

He crossedhis legs, combed his fingers through the bangs of his wig. Bakugou unexpectedlywas one of the few people that knew how to embrace their character regardlessof gender. Though he couldn’t help but to man spread and to lower his gravelyand deep voice a pitch, when it came down to rehearsing he acted exactly likethey expected from him. He stuck to the script and was able to pronounce theold-timey and difficult words perfectly, he managed to soften his face and makehis movements more feminine. Though he completely rejected the role at first sinceacting was far from his likes, when people kept referring to him as the lead heslowly started to realize that no else was more fit for the role than him andaccepted it. And when they say Bakugou Katsuki never half assed anything, hereally didn’t. He ended up being the perfect princess.

Uraraka wasexcited to finally do a one-on-one scene with him again. Despite being the leadsand each other’s love interest, they only had a couple of small scenes togetherthat were easily set and didn’t need much rehearsal time, and a couple ofimportant scenes at the end of the play. It took longer than she expected to beable to act with him after the first couple of scenes. Uraraka had gotten soimpatient to reach that point she even asked Bakugou to rehearse their scenes outsiderehearsal. Bakugou simply denied since the play hadn’t left much time for themto hang out together since the start of the semester. The last thing he wantedto think about when they were watching movies or going out for walks was whathis lines in scene 15 were.

“Do youwant to casually read it over first?” Uraraka asked.

“I read itover when we were waiting for you so let’s get straight into it.” Bakugoustraightened his back and raised the script to his face.

Urarakastraightened her stance and coughed so she would be able to get the rightpitch.

“Josephine.Josephine Gryselia. I’ve gathered the strongest of my men and traveled acrossthe land all so I could see your face again.”

Bakugou puta hand on his chest and inhaled slightly. “Marius! What have you started? Thecommotion outside…Was that your doing?”

Uraraka gottaken aback by Bakugou’s acting, the intense emotion he was able to displaymade her feel some kind of way. She actually felt her stomach tying itself in aknot, as if she genuinely felt slightly guilty. Bakugou was able to act so wellthat he brought real emotions out of her, making her able to put her heart andsoul into her own acting.

She put herhand on his face and he laid his hand on hers. “Darling, please don’t be angrywith me. Haven’t you had enough of the world driving us apart? I would goagainst whatever the universe sent my way. I would fight a hundred men, athousand even just so I can stand here before you.”

Bakugou’scheek started to get hot, it didn’t seem likely to her that he was that good ofan actor to be able to do that on command. Did that mean she was playing Mariusconvincing enough that it made Bakugou blush?  

“How couldI mean so much to you after merely spending not more than a day together?”Bakugou shook his head.

Urarakanoticed the tremble in his voice, she really had managed to get real emotionsout of him too.

“OhJosephine, how you love asking questions. Aren’t you overjoyed to see me? Thatyou can hear my voice again? That I’m able to touch you again? I beg of you, Ineed to know if my efforts were for nothing. Please tell me.” She moved closerto him and lowered her voice to a whisper, to make herself sound moredesperate.

Bakugou’spupils grew larger every inch she moved closer to him, his eyes were full of afamiliar desire and had answered all her questions. Uraraka held in her breathas she waited for Bakugou to say the next lines. When reading it over she hadimagined him saying that to her but it never sounded right in her head.

“I am morethan overjoyed to see you here standing before me. How scared I was to forgetyour voice but now you have come here to give me the kindest of reminders. HowI longed for more of your touch, I don’t want to ever let go of you. No Marius,your efforts were not for nothing.”

Urarakafelt her chest tightening and her heart speeding up to a thousand beats aminute. She noticed Bakugou had put his script down and did the same. With hernow free hand she took the other hand of the princess and laced their fingerstogether. Together they stayed like that for a moment. Both too invested in theother to turn away and look at the script.

Urarakadidn’t want to risk falling out of the moment. Not only was this the first timeshe felt this way during rehearsal but it was also the first time in a longtime she felt this passionate in general. Though she and Bakugou were stillaffectionate towards each other, they haven’t reached this point of affectionin a while. As if even on their days off their minds were always occupied withmany other things and they momentarily forgot how to love each other.

She was surehe was feeling it too. How he held on to her in that moment was like he wastrying to hold on to the moment itself, determined to make it last.

She wantedmore. Uraraka had a slight taste of the forgotten intensity and craved more ofit. But she waited for a sign from Bakugou. For him to give her the greenlight. In her head she asked him a million times to tell her it was alright.

“I thinkthis is the part where we kiss.” Bakugou croaked.

“I think sotoo.”

Both ofthem hurried their lips on each other, tired of trickling around the climax.Their mouth clashed and they forced soft gasps out of each other. Urarakapushed her leg further in between Bakugou’s legs and he pushed his chest closerto hers. Their hands started to drift to their bodies, frustrated they tuggedat fabric and scratched at metal, feeling held back by the costumes. Urarakafelt Bakugou smile as he panted in her mouth, trying to desperately catch hisbreath in between kisses. She couldn’t help but feel bad for not leaving himany room to breathe but she needed all of him she could get, they had so muchto catch up on.

The littlepreserved kisses, often given in a hurry felt nice but were nothing compared tothe feeling of Bakugou’s sly movements of his tongue swindling around hers, teasingher and making her hungrier for him. It drove her to push him against thedresser mirror. Again, he smiled against her lips, Uraraka could tell Bakugouwas intrigued by how far they we’re going to push it.

UnexpectedlyBakugou bit her lip and she got some indication of how far he was trying totake it.

“I didn’tknow princesses had this side to them.” Uraraka spoke out her thoughts.

She pulledaway, embarrassed by accidentally slipping back in character and covered hermouth to stop herself from saying anything else.

Bakugoupulled her hand away and played with her fingers. “And I didn’t know knightsshied away so easily.” He breathed.

Urarakasmiled. “You know I’m not shy.”

“Prove it.If you’re such a noble knight, prove you’re not shy.”

“I will,your Highness.”

Writers note: I hope I didn’t offended anyone with this. I feel like this is a vunerable subject to write about. 

[jaeheekangisimportant]

1/4 As someone who went from walking into the secret endings thinking that the Rika hate was just classic sexism to really, really disliking her, I can assure you that a lot of the Rika hate... actually DOES come from people apologizing/excusing her actions. I know it's easy to chalk it up and say "no one defends her actions" but the victim blaming against V, equating an abuse victim (Saeran) to his abuser, and outright denying Rika's actions (like blinding V) is actually a /VERY/ real issue.

2/4 Espsecially when you have popular blogs brush off hating Rika for her atriciously abusive actions as just “ignorance on mental illness” and trivializing abuse victims who latch onto characters like Saeran and V because of shared trauma as just “jealous fangirls”. I’m not saying that V and Saeran did nothing wrong but at the end of the day, they are Rika’s abuse victims no matter how you slice it. So people are obviously going to be able to empathize with them more.

¾ It’s important to note that, despite male villains usually being more well recieved, this type of trivilizing treatment is treatment that people who despise abusive male characters actually don’t recieve. Because like… you obviously can’t be accused of being a sexist, jealous fangirl if you hate a male villain. Rika isn’t a bad villain at all; however the huge back lash she recieves isn’t simply because she’s female character in a fandom of Straight GirlsTM but rather because she’s a

4/4 very realistic portrayal (far more realistic than most male villains tbh) of an abuser in a fandom where people can easily use her gender as an excuse to wave off the hatred as just “misogyny” rather than an instinctual reaction to seeing a character who walks, talks, and acts like a real life abuser. There’s nothing wrong with liking Rika, but I think some perspective is necessary before just throwing your hands up in the air and going like “she’s a woman and we only like hot men. the end”.

Okay, I actually think there are a lot of really good points in here and I do agree with most of it, there are also a few things I would contend with, and also some things I’d like to discuss in more depth now that I have an excuse to, but before I do that I have two things to say that I think are very important for everyone, including myself, to keep in mind

There are a lot of layers to any discourse, and I can’t cover every angle of every discourse all the time. I do try to be fair and objective and not totally one-sided but I also want to be clear and honest about what my position is and I also try to stick to whatever has been brought up in the asks I get. If somebody sends me an ask that’s like “hey V fucked up and I wish people acknowledged that”, well then, that’s what I’m going to talk about and there’s not always a lot of room for me to give attention to the other side

It’s impossible for everyone to have interacted with every single member of a fandom and ultimately no one will have the exact same experience with a fandom. I can only talk about fandom issues through the lens of my experience and what I have seen and been exposed to, and that won’t necessarily be universal

The rest is going under a read more because this got unexpectedly rambly and I’m truly sorry for that. I’m also sorry that it’s so unorganized I kind of started with a solid idea of what I wanted to say but then every time I thought of some new thing I kind of just went with it

So, about Rika. Whenever people have brought up misogyny in relation to her, I have always tried to be careful to say that I don’t think Rika hate is always inherently misogynistic but that I do think that some anti-Rika sentiments are rooted in it. I probably could have made that more clear and I apologize if there was any confusion. I have frequently said that there are totally valid reasons to hate Rika which is why I try not to go after Rika haters too much. When I see people hating Rika for the simple fact that she’s important to the other characters, or when I see people using very gendered language to insult her, that’s the kind of stuff that I think can reasonably be criticized for misogyny. But like, obviously there are perfectly good reasons to hate Rika so I don’t take issue with hating her in itself, and I have tried to say that as often as possible. I don’t think it hurts to examine where Rika hate comes from and, more importantly, how it actually manifests (I’ll come back to this in a minute). I do agree that brushing off all Rika hate as just internalized misogyny is wrong and counterproductive and very trivializing, which is why I try not to fall back on that argument. But I also don’t think that misogyny is entirely irrelevant to the Discourse about her. I think that “Rika hate isn’t inherently misogynistic” and “a lot of people would treat Rika differently if she were male” are ideas that can coexist

As for what you said about people defending Rika, this relates to Point Number Two I made up there. Most of the people in the MysMe fandom that I still follow these days are Rika fans, and honestly I have never seen any of them try to say that Rika did nothing wrong. I don’t doubt that people have done that, and I also am glad that I’ve never seen people like that, or at least if I have it was rare enough that it wasn’t a significant problem for me and I could just forget it. I think I’ve made it clear enough that I think Rika did very wrong. I have consistently called her a villain, I have repeatedly said that I think she deserves punishment for her crimes, I have referred to both Saeran and V as victims of her abuse (and I’ll get to them soon too). Even if I do like Rika and consider her a tragic and sympathetic character, I am really not okay with people pretending Rika didn’t commit any of the crimes or abuse that she did. I didn’t talk about it because I haven’t seen it, but if I’m wrong and people are doing that then all I can say is YIKES @ those people and please don’t assume I’m one of them

The subject of mental illness is one that the fandom really handles terribly and honestly the game handles it pretty badly too. I’m very mentally ill myself and I actually recognize a lot of my symptoms and issues in Rika (violent intrusive thoughts, the feeling that there’s just something inherently wrong and bad in me and I’m only ever faking being good, paranoid and dramatic/emotional outbursts that even I know aren’tproportionate to the situation, self-harming, self-sabotage and suicidal ideation), so I was inclined to sympathize with Rika. It’s also why I was so viscerally disgusted by the way V talked about her mental illness. Having said all of that, I really don’t like people blaming a character’s abusive actions on mental illness, as if mentally ill people can’t help being bad and violent. Like, I know a lot people probably think they’re sympathizing with us, but you realize that exact same sentiment is used to demonize us, right? You’re not helping anyone by saying that mental illness is an excuse for bad behavior

People really need to learn that there is a difference between an explanation and an excuse. My anxiety flaring up might explain why I’m so irritable sometimes, but it doesn’t excuse me from snapping at well-meaning people. My depression getting really bad might explain why I isolate myself for weeks and sometimes months on end, but it doesn’t excuse me from completely shutting out and ignoring my friends and family who really just want to know why I haven’t spoken to them in so long. Mental illness can make me act out in a lot of ways that are bad for me and for other people, but I would never try to use it as an excuse and I would never want people to use it as excuse for me either. There are still very real consequences to my acting out, I still need to apologize and make up for them, and I still need to try my best to correct that kind of behavior no matter how easy it can be to fall into (and I do try, and I have gotten much better)

Rika’s mental illness and backstory does explain a lot of her behavior. It explains it, it doesn’t excuse it. She’s still very much accountable for her shitty actions. I do think that Rika could have been a very different person if she had gotten proper and intensive help with her mental health, and I wish she had gotten it. I don’t think she’s completely one-dimensionally evil and I do think that, at the very least, she had the potential to be a good person. I do think that she’s partially a victim of her circumstances. But, I also think that arguing about what a character could have been like under different circumstances is pretty moot and that’s why it’s another argument I try not to fall back on. It doesn’t really matter what characters could have been like. What matters is what they are actually are like and Rika is. Well. Rika

I think that there is a lot to criticize about the way Rika is written in the game, mostly having to do with the fact that she perpetuates the Depraved Bisexual trope, or that portraying a mentally ill character as villainous is always going to come with some issues, or the extremely frustrating fact that aside from Jaehee there are no female characters in the game that we’re really meant to like. I kind of wish we could discuss the game’s actual writing issues more because uuum there’s a lot of really bad and messed up stuff in here actually

Also, when I say things about how I think Rika hate is out of hand, it actually doesn’t have much to do with how people react to Rika as a character. It has more to do with people harassing Rika cosplayers at cons, leaving rude and aggressive comments on Rika fan art, attacking her fans even after they’ve made it clear that they only like Rika as a character/villain. That’s more the kind of stuff I’m thinking of when I say that Rika hate can be unnecessarily vicious, when it extends to actual real people who are mostly just minding their own business and trying to have fun with a character they like. I understand that Rika is controversial and for good reason, but come on guys, it’s not hard to have basic decency toward each other

Okay now let’s finally get to V and Saeran. I’ve never denied that they are victims of Rika’s abuse so let’s get that straight right away. I’ve also been careful to avoid equating their actions with Rika’s. I know I have repeatedly said that Rika has done worse things than both of them. And I do deeply sympathize V and Saeran. Almost everything I’ve ever said about Saeran has included a sentence that started with something like “I love Saeran and I sympathize with him but”. And yes I do in fact sympathize with V and I have mentioned this before, but since I’m also pretty harsh on V a lot of the time I suppose that point can get buried.

As a sidenote - and I’m not accusing you of doing this, anon, it’s just something I do want to address - I really don’t like it when people assume that someone must have no experience with abuse or trauma just because they may feel differently about something. Abuse and trauma are heavy subjects and of course people want to make sure you actually know what you’re talking about if you’re going to be talking about it, but like, no one should be required to disclose their personal abuse/trauma history just to prove that they’re qualified to have an opinion. I just… we really should be more careful about things like that

Back to V and Saeran (I’m really sorry I’m all over the place and I’m probably making less sense as I go), even if I do sympathize with them a lot, and even if I can relate to Saeran on a deeply personal level that I don’t much like to share with people, I don’t think it’s right to completely dismiss their wrongdoings. It’s possible for characters to be victims as well as victimizers and I would consider V, Saeran and Rika to be both those things, though obviously to vastly different degrees. 

Just because I understand and sympathize with V doesn’t mean I think it’s okay that he enabled Rika’s unhealthy behaviors, romanticized her mental illness, treated her like his art piece rather than as a person, and remained silent and complicit in her crimes. 

Just because I understand and sympathize with Saeran, doesn’t mean I think it’s okay that he attempts to kidnap MC, threatens violence against both her and Seven multiple times, and actually does shoot V. And I was actually being generous there by only counting things that he did in Seven’s route and the secret endings, aka the canon stuff that ultimately matters most. If I was going to count all the shit he pulls in other routes (blinding Yoosung in one eye, as an example), in bad endings (sexual assault, kidnapping, torture, murder, as examples), in Another Story and in his own damn route (kidnapping, sexually harassing MC and almost crossing the line to sexual assault, keeping her locked up and being verbally abusive with her), it would be asking me to excuse a lot more. I do both sympathize and empathize with Saeran! I really do! He’s one of my favorite characters ever and he means a lot to me, I can’t even begin to tell you how much!! But a lot of his antics are still inexcusable!!

And again we have to go back to my point about people’s fandom experiences being different from each other’s. I haven’t seen enough Rika defenders for it to be an issue for me, personally, but do you know what I have seen a lot of? And I mean, a lot of? People talking about how hot it would be if Saeran abused and/or raped them, people saying that they would be perfectly happy to let V treat them exactly how he treated Rika, people insisting that anyone who even tries to say that something V did was Not Good are terrible people, or that liking Rika at all in any capacity or even just showingneutrality toward her makes you a terrible person. That was the kind of stuff I saw a lot of back when I was really involved in fandom and that was the kind of stuff that made my experience in the fandom so deeply unpleasant. So, when I talk about fandom issues, that’s the kind of stuff that comes up for me, because those were the issues that I had. Maybe you’re lucky and you missed a lot of the shit I saw. Maybe I’m lucky for missing a lot of the shit people are spewing in defense of Rika. And maybe reducing it to an issue of “Straight Girls only care about hot guys” is not exactly right or fair of me, but… well, Straight Girls who only care about hot guys have been a significant source of annoyance for me in this fandom so when I’m feeling particularly salty they become a very easy target for it. Again, not saying that’s right or fair of me

More often than not what I’m trying to do with V and Rika discourse is get people to realize that the situation was not as black and white as they make it seem. Rika was not one-dimensionally evil and V was not wholly good, that’s all I ever want to get across about those two. And what I’m trying to do with Saeran discourse is… okay honestly I don’t even know what I’m trying to do here I actually wish I could just stay out of Saeran discourse entirely but if it comes up I guess I’ll talk about it. I am extremely uncomfortable with many of the more popular fandom interpretations of Saeran but he’s also too important to me for it to sour my opinion of him (since Ray’s route has come out it’s been a pretty close call tho let me tell you and I swear if this fandom ever does make me stop liking Saeran I’ll never forgive them). I really want nothing more than to stay out Saeran discourse but lately it keeps finding me. I’m honestly kind of tired of discourse-ing about V and Rika on theseblogs because at this point I’m running out of new things to say about eitherof them and I think I’ve already made my thoughts and feelings sufficientlyclear in numerous posts, I’m not sure what else I can do. But again, if people bring it up, I’ll usually be willing to talk about it. 

I don’t really care if people hate Rika, and I don’t really care if people love V, I only wish people wouldn’t oversimplify either character and I wish people were more open to accepting that their situation was a complex one where, even if one of them (Rika) is undeniably guiltier, neither person was 100% innocent

[yellowhalcyon]

~ this or that ~

RULES: ANSWER all questions, ADD one question of your own and then TAG as many people as you like!

Got tagged by @budapestalloveragain so here we go...

live session or studio session? studio music sounds so good to me and I’ve never really been a fan of concerts coke or pepsi? please give me some coke disney or dreamworks? dreamworks, never watched any disney coffee or tea? coffee but only when it’s sweet or cold books or movies? I would say books because there’s a lot more creative freedom sometimes and a lot more development of characters windows or mac? windows, macs suck and can burn in hell dc or marvel? tbh Marvel own me a lot of money for the shit they’re pulling at the moment and DC isn’t perfect either xbox or playstation? both, both is good night owl or early riser? depends on my sleeping schedule at the time cards or chess? cards chocolate or vanilla? chocolate, mostly since I find vanilla too sweet vans or converse? my feet are annoying and stupid and I wish I could chop them off star wars or star trek? ...O.O Star Wars, obviously (but I would highly recommend Star Trek to any sci fi, they’re both different but good in their own ways) one episode per week or marathoning? marathoning, then I can watch it whenever I want, since I seem to lose interest when it’s just one week at a time heroes or villains? heroes, villains get woobifyed too much that I’ve kinda gone off them john wiilliams or hans zimmer? so this is basically star wars vs inception sound tracks..? I feel like both are very underappreicated so I would say both because people don’t really realise how much work and effort it takes. disneyland/disney world or six flags? never been to either (or even heard of ‘six flags’) in that case I’ll take disneyland forest or sea? fuck that’s a hard choice, but I guess forests are safer in... some sense flying or reading minds? I don’t like what I know people think of me anyway, so I wouldn’t want to know more, plus I fly in my dreams and it feels so freeing so flying twin peaks or northern exposure? wft is twin peaks or northen exposure?! harry potter or lord of the rings? oh fuck I can’t decide, LotR was my childhood but then Harry Potter is so comforting to me, but I guess LotR is kinda dead now so Harry Potter. cake or pie? pie cos cakes can be too dry for me sometimes you are banished to a desert island, which benedict cumberbatch character would you choose to take with you? Lol, which ever one has the more meat on him so when he inevitably dies (because I kill him) there's enough to sustain me for a long enough period for me to get rescued. train or cruise ship? train cos cruises are for old, rich, white people brian cox or neil degrasse-tyson? Degrasse-tyson is kinda usa and brian cox is uk so cox. wizard of oz or alice in wonderland? alice in wonderland (wizard of oz is really good too) but Alice is so weird and symbolic and unfortunately made by a pedo that’s not to be forgotten fanfiction or fanart? you CAN’T make me chose between these two, like I find art easier to process but then I write fics. I would fight anyone who even thinks to insult these platforms, they’re both amazing and healthy ways to express yourselves. keep making wonderful work everyone <3.<3 the hunger hames - books or movies? the books, movies were whitewashed and boring and should have been 15+ not PG. see the future of travel to the past? the future is always changing and should remain unknown, I believe; I would go into the past as long as they found a way for my germs not to kill everyone han solo or luke skywalker? I would go with Luke cos he’s my gay son. Han is great but Luke is like that guy you could go to crying and, even though he doesn’t know you, he would sit you down and try to help as best he could, whereas Han would just panic and go get Luke. lilacs or sunflowers? hmmmmmmmmmmmm, sunflowers cos they’re tall and bright spring or autumn? spring, I’m a spring baby campfire or fireplace? depends on my mood, but I wouldn’t mind either french fries or onion rings? onion rings are great truth or dare? truth because the dares are always horrible winter or summer? winter because the bugs are back in hell where they belong, I can cover up my ugly body more, and being hot makes me want to die vampires or werewolves? vampires are so disgusting and rapey, also I’m part werewolf so werewolves all the way. red or blue? blood red eyes or lips? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm lips, cos I would rather be blind than deaf burgers or sandwiches? possibly burgers cos I’m really fussy when it comes to sandwiches friends to lovers or enemies to lovers trope? I think everyone thinks enemies to lovers is okay cos they don’t care about how the villain hurt the hero (especially if the hero is a woman) and everyone is like ‘but they’re just friends’ as a way to say something isn’t romantic, so friends to lovers (you should become friends with someone before you love them though) pizza or pasta? pasta is in my blood 24/7 so pizza ancient rome or ancient greece? rome, i guess cos maybe they’re more hygienic foxes or wolves? i love city foxes but then wolves are so family oriented, so both I guess mermaids or dragons? mermaids cos like swimming and breathing underwater sci-fi or fantasy? i can’t decide, fuck me watch a film at home or in a theater? depends on the film, but going to the cinema with my friend is my fav thing fireproof or no more sad songs? ...i don’t know what either of these are bands or individual singers? both are great sweet or salty? salty, I don’t have a sweet tooth monotype corsiva or comic sans? I never use either font so lol turtles or frogs? fuck, I never thought about that... I guess, frogs blur or oasis? oasis baseball or football? that’s such an american question, ummmm... hockey bowling date or movie date? movie cos dates are awkward and I don’t have to talk in a movie fruits or vegetables? i guess veg cos fruits are too sweet sometimes rain or sun? rain cos the sun is *hisses* tattoos or piercings? tattoos cos piercings look painful phone call or text? texting because phones are one of the seven layers of hell animated films or live action remakes? animated cos the live action are usually shit chandler or joey? both have their good or bad points so.... Joey cos he would have more sexual experience have all the boys reunite for a 1d tour but never go on solo tours or have all of them do solo tours but never reunite as a band for a tour? that’s such a fangirl question and I don’t care for either tv show or movie? tv I guess cos I do that film of ‘do I have enough time to pay attention to a 2 hour film? but I’ll totally watch 4 hours straight of a tv show.’ @budapestalloveragain‘s question: ramen or korean bbq? I feel so bad cos I haven’t tried either cos I just don’t eat food creatively (but Catherine is saying I should go with Korean BBQ)

MY QUESTION IS: aesthetic posts or gif set posts?

I tag @buchananbarnesjames and @vinterfalcons and @smilingkat

[liebeztod]

cheap sex and sad films

Once again, the overwhelming sense of inadequacy inhabits the pit of my stomach. There’s something about your best friends being in love--and happily so--that really puts a sour spin in every sunset and song. Suddenly... it’s hard to sleep again... even when fatigue weighs at my eyes with the day’s worries. My irrationality serves as the best caffeine; keeping me up at night with its usual doldrum anxieties... 

Tonight is no different, as I mull over the same insecurities while listening to my own infamous playlist chock-full of songs of self-loathing and/or melancholy. 

How do I always end up here? Well, I have wonderful friends, and of course, I want them to be happy. But there was a comfort in not being single alone... what I mean by that is... since Nat and her boyfriend broke up earlier last year, suddenly it was nice not to be the odd one out. However when she started dating again, and we all got together for brunch with she and Juby and their beaux--I the only one without having brought “someone”--suddenly the empty chair to my side felt very noticeable.

Not to mention the comments made a little while later... when Juby’s boyfriend mentioned how he felt sorry for me when I didn’t have anyone to bring to functions, and how setting me up with some mutual friend was the best possible option... suddenly I felt like that Old Maid I always read about in books like Gone With The Wind or Pride & Prejudice... this undesirable old hag who needs her matches made for her... 

The thing is, it’s a thought that crosses my mind more often than naught ever since it’s been brought up. I think about it all the time. And I mean this... all the time. I have conversations with myself daily... imaginary, silly discussions about whether it’s an inability of mine to find a SO, or a deep desire of just not wanting one in general.

I entertain both notions.

On the one hand, where’s the good in having a boyfriend? When I think of the men I have been with, or the type of men I attract, I am... disgusted. In my last physical venture,  I felt sick to the stomach. Not that the guy I slept with was absurdly unattractive or a bad person, but because I knew I was. Because he mentioned dating, and I was just in it for the meaningless sex.

And then there are all the other men I’ve been with (excluding my darling Martin from Munich) who all had to make some kind of disclosure about my weight... like “you’re pretty for a chubby girl,” or “I like bigger girls” yadda yadda. As someone who still struggles with the comments made to me in my adolescence about my weight, it’s still very hard for me to unlearn the “conventional” body ideals I grew up coveting; and with friends like I had in high school, the jokes made at my behest have made their mark rather permanent.

And then there are the moments when, if I do want to engage a man in what my generation calls “talking,” I am put off by the “busy” trope. Of course, men are always busy when *I* want to start a conversation, or they are short--can’t be bothered. But when the night hours are in session, when a guy has a boner he wants to rub out with the help of my textual expertise, then suddenly they’re Charles Dickens, getting paid by the mouthful.

They’re all the same.

Which brings me to my next point: has my loss of desire in the opposite sex evolved into a straight-up inability on my part to find any necessity in finding an SO? Suddenly I find that I am no longer in want of the occasional hookup, nor do I get the itch to download a dating app, or talk to random men when going out with my friends.

In the now WEEKLY events that my friends suggest introducing me to someone, I panic. I become drenched in dread, and talk my way out of it. Truly. 

There is something about the incessant dredge that is “talking” to a guy that feels like I’m going through an embalming process; like when I have to sit through a conversation that sounds like ALL the others, it’s as though my blood is being drained from my body. Every attempt a man makes at flirting makes me roll my eyes; every winky emoji boils my blood, and any indication of “kicking it” or “chilling” is all it takes for me to put down the phone and quit replying.

And I am just tired. When my friends find their weekly opportunity to pitch a new beau to me, it is hard to respectfully decline. Each man I have encountered all seem to be working from the same script... the same stupid jokes they think I’ll find funny... the same nighttime schedule which prompts them to only text me at night when they’re horny and bored.

Love has eluded me. 

Life has dealt me the blow of meeting the love of my life at the premature age of 13. It has also added insult to injury by putting him on a completely different continent, ensuring a personal meeting ten years after the fact, and once again separating us by the sole reality of different nationalities, families and incompatibilities. 

I think... what did I do in my past life to deserve this? I am being punished for something I cannot remember doing, and to make it worse, I am very much alone in this lifetime sentence of unrequited love.

If I am the villain, and it sure feels that way, I wonder if “tragedy” is inapplicable to my plight. I feel neurotic at times, feeling the way I do for someone I spent a whole of perhaps 30 hours with. But when I psychoanalyze the phone conversations, and try to find hidden meanings in what he says... I chock it up to us being one in the same; beating around the bush, being afraid of saying what we mean, etc., etc.

But, in my momentary laps of sanity, like this moment, I know I am alone in this. P does not work from the same script as all the other idiot men I have let try to woo me; however it is similar, in that he has his own schedule. And similar to my own script, he ignores me, as I ignore the other men.

It is infuriating as much as it is deflating when my text messages and calls to P go unanswered. Especially so this week... now that Nat has found someone new, it feels a bit like salt in the wound; of course, I am happy she is happy. But naturally, there is a envy I do not know how to detach myself from. 

It’s one thing to be kept up by my sorrows. But to hear her gush about her insomnia brought on by her happiness and excitement of this new guy is... distressing to say the least.

There is a worry that this feeling will elude me indefinitely, as much as I want it, and as much as I have tried in the past to move on from P. My friends tell me I need to open up, and that I will find someone who is “great,” but hard as I try, I cannot see anything but a man’s ulterior motives, their insincerities, their comments about my weight, their disclosures and disclaimers.

I feel brash enough to say I feel trapped in my love for P; I am a prisoner of my own dissatisfaction for what life has dealt me, and because I am either in love with being sad, or just stupidly devoted for P, or both, I refuse to help myself.

And yet, like some caged bird staring out at other birds, flying free against the blue of the sky, I am jealous of it. Hearing Nat smitten by this new player has me so curious; when was the last time I felt butterflies? At what point did cynicism invade every fiber of my being? I would like to be like my friends who are excited after meeting a nice boy who wants to talk to them, and take them out. 

The butterflies in my stomach are lifeless, and are only revived after a word or a ring from P. And when a week or two passes by of not hearing from him, they die again, which is time’s way, I suppose.

The thing is... I do not find other men to be nice. And when they are, they are not. And I know I am not nice. And through my P-tinted glasses every suitor just looks like a poor substitution. And when the humiliation of being single gets to be too much, I will finally do just what I am most afraid of doing: settle. 

It is just hard going on three years of this accursed want for P, feelings that have only gotten stronger with the distance and time and the reality that I will most likely never see him again. In being denied the only person I have ever wanted, you would hope this makes me a better person but I doubt it can. 

In lieu of the the melancholy that keeps me up all night, I will reside in the memories where he felt attainable and hope they will suffice.