#like at least I wasn’t a fan but good fucking lord I could’ve spent that time on anything else

[area51-escapee]

I also kept up with a lot of fuckin onision commentary channels back in middle/high school. I know so much more about that man than I wish I did. I wasted so much fucking time.

[writingfromkitchenator]

1,300 Followers Challenge!

Thank you everyone again for this amazing milestone!  I couldn’t have done this without you all and your support for my fics and I am incredibly grateful for you all.

So, a simple challenge this time round, however, I am opening it up to a few more fandoms so there are plenty of characters to chose from.

There is a list of 50 quotes below, all of which I have taken from the many, many hours spent watching Markiplier (I’m a fan, yes) and will now be used in some fics!  So, in saying that, each quote will be used once, after a quote has been selected, I will cross it out and write the character used next to it.

This challenge will be closed on the 5th July.  This challenge is going to open for a month at least, so, no hurry, however, if in that time all requests are taken, I will open up a second round of the same quotes to be selected.  This challenge will also be open to sequels again, so if I’ve written something that you want to see more of, please just let me know!

In saying that, please remember that this is all just a bit of fun, I’m sure you can have a laugh at some of the quotes below.  Please send all requests through asks, it’s easier for me to keep track of, and let me know of any questions!  It is, of course, okay to request more than once!

Quotes and characters that I’ll write for below the cut!

“I’m really impressed by your boy band but I just don’t want to deal with it now, okay?” ~ Haldir

“I  never said I was highly intelligent…just extremely handsome.” ~ Jaskier

“All I want is a smile.” ~ Crowley

“This is what drives people to turn into werewolves.” ~ Jaskier

“There's more than one way to skin a cat if you know...if you...uh...never mind...” ~ Aragorn

“That sucks for you and I don’t care.” ~ Loki

“I just went and got you human blood last night.” ~ Castiel

“That’s only moderately creepy.” ~ Gimli

“I’m sorry I made fun of your teddy bear!” ~ Balthazar

“I don’t got this.  This is not got.” ~ Legolas

“I’m just an idiot shouting at the void.” ~ Thorin

“Don’t look down.  Never look down.” ~ Haldir

“Don’t call me short you arsehole.” ~ Zevran

“I know a death hallway when I see one.” ~ Balthazar

“You never know when that thing behind you is going to stop staring at you and start acting on its instinct to kill and maim.” ~ Geralt

“No, I don’t want a kiss.” ~ Dwalin

“I don’t even know what we’ve got to do now.” ~ Thorin

“I wasn’t looking, do it again.” ~ Bucky

“Where’s the pitter patter of little feet? ~ Fili

“I’m going to make my way slowly into the abyss.” ~ Faramir

“Woah, what is wrong with your face?” ~ Sirius

“That is a lot of responsibility.  I’m going to kill us.” ~ Legolas

“Listen guys, listen, I wish I could make an excuse for myself, but I cannot.” ~ Fili

“You’re not even thinking about my feelings while you laugh, are you?” ~ Dorian

“I hate upsetting the nice one.  I hate it.” ~ Crowley

“Would you like my shoe?” ~ Sam

“I’m going to assume it’s bad until proven otherwise.” ~ Bones

“I’m going to go out there and dance around like an idiot.” ~ Kirk

“Why does everything have to be so horrible all the time?” ~ Spock

“I’ll just…take that.  Thank you sir, have a  nice day!” ~ Beorn

“It’s unfortunate that this is going to happen to you.” ~ Faramir

“So long as you said sorry that’s all that really matters.” ~ Lindir

“My instincts are honed to a cat like reflex.” ~ Jaskier

“It’s probably best to take this nice and slow.” ~ Haldir

“You can’t tell me to calm down.” ~ Thranduil

“If I’d known about that I would’ve done that a long time ago.” ~ Eomer

“A man in love does not concern himself with safety.” ~ Varric

“That’s what you get for bad mouthing my girlfriend.” ~ Ron

“Don’t get up.  I will hurt you.” ~ Draco

“Whatever you’re conspiring for, don’t do it.” ~ Haldir

“That’s not a good sound.” ~ Boromir

“Are you asking him or are you asking me?” ~ Boromir

“I enjoy your company but I need my time.” ~ Boromir

“Why do you think when you wake up in the morning, the sheets are no longer tucked  into the bed?” ~ Thranduil

“Now that…sounds like hell.” ~ Geralt

“I didn’t ask for a monster!” ~ Yennefer

“I don’t know what you just did but that was awesome.” ~ Thranduil

“I’m not going to do anything.  Fuck you.” ~ Gimli

“It’s exactly what it needs to be and no more.” ~ Eomer

“I could’ve told you that it wasn’t going to end well for you.” ~ Thor

Characters I will write for:

The Hobbit – Thorin, Fili, Kili, Dwalin, Bofur, Nori, Gloin (friends only), Frerin, Thranduil, Bard, Legolas, Bilbo, Lindir, Beorn

The Lord of the Rings – Aragorn, Boromir, Eomer, Faramir, Legolas, Gimli, Frodo, Merry, Pippin, Elrond, Haldir

Supernatural – Sam, Dean, Castiel, Crowley, Gabriel, Lucifer, Benny, Balthazar, Chuck, Garth, Mick, Gadreel, Charlie, Bobby

Marvel – Tony Stark, Clint Barton, Bruce Banner, Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Loki, Thor, Peter Quill, Logan, Stephen Strange, Carol Danvers, Sam Wilson

Dragon Age – Alistair, Anders, Cullen, Morrigan, Zevran, Leliana, Fenris, Sebastian, Iron Bull, Dorian, Cassandra, Blackwall, Varric

Harry Potter – Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, Neville, Remus, Sirius, Fred, George

Star Trek (Newer Films) – Kirk, Bones, Scotty

The Witcher (TV Series) – Geralt, Yennefer, Jaskier

Of course, this list isn’t a final thing, if you feel I could write a character, please just send me a message and I’ll let you know if I’m comfortable with it or not.

Please of course note that all drabble requests are reader insert.  I will not do character pairings, but I will change to first/third person if you prefer reading that way.  Y/N will be the standard name though and remain that way.

For any Dragon Age requests, if you wish to appear as a certain race, please let me know.

[inmyarmswrappedin]

Could you give your opinion in al the Noora’s adaptations? I was really interested in what you wrote about Zoe and Manon. My personal favorite is Nora from Spain, Liv from NL could have been a second... but that wedding dress scene is so bad.

Another anon:  Since I’m sure you definitely want to keep talking about the Noora’s, haha, just curious if there is a remake of her that you’d say was your fave?

Third anon:  Ardi, have you ever ranked the nooras? Because I would love to read all your opinions lol

ಠ_ಠ

I can’t say I was expecting this lol, like I thought I’d reflect on the first anon’s ask for a bit, but then I got two more. I find it a bit surprising that people still want to discuss the original characters and their remakes in this the year of the lord 2021. Especially Noora of all characters lol. (Like I said elsewhere, I’m pleased because there are some orig gen topics I want to pick back up this year, so I’m glad people aren’t tired of all this yet.)

I do have to say as a disclaimer that I find Noora’s season very upsetting to watch, so I didn’t bother watching most of their remake seasons. I watched eskam because they got rid of the major issues I had with Noorhelm in s1, such as the pregnancy scare and William coercing Vilde into not using a condom. Then I watched Grace’s season because I wanted to give them views and ensure a renewal. 😭

As a result I’m not going to rank the Nooras, because I feel a bit weird about ranking characters whose seasons I didn’t watch, you feel? I do have opinions on the characters of course, because they show up in other seasons, and I know the gist of what happened in most their seasons because of the typical dashboard watching. I also like... Look, I know the Nooras are very much you either hate or love them, and I generally don’t mind being blunt about the characters I don’t like, but somehow all this Noora discourse made me feel like I was taking shots at a bunch of teen girls (fictional, but still). 

(I had to cut this because it was so much.)

Noora - The thing about Noora is that I was never the intended audience. I’ve never really been into the tropes that make up her love story, like the good girl who says no when she’s actually dying to say yes, the bad boy with the fridged sister, the pregnancy scare, the pathetic friend/jealous shrew who’s only there to make the good girl feel bad, etc. These story elements don’t titillate me or make me interested, they turn me off a story completely. And I just never saw it coming that Noora’s endgame would be the asshole who had stepped so thoroughly over Vilde’s self-esteem. So like... I spent Noora’s whole season (every season after hers, even!) wishing something would happen that made Noora realize she deserved better than William,

Also, one thing about Noora that many of her remakes inherited is that she just doesn’t seem like a regular part of the show. Her friends’ problems don’t affect her in the slightest, she isn’t an actual part of the squad like the others. After her season she takes off for London or the US or to build houses for Habitat for Humanity or whatever, and she only drops by to break up and reconcile with William some more. Like I can’t buy her as a high schooler when after a certain point she’s just like, “I came back from Manhattan and I need a place to stay because Henry is too busy with the stock market to fulfill my needs.” I’m sorry what???? Is this a high school show or Desperate Housewives.

Manon - already talked about her here.

Mia - I’m going to try to be brief because there’s so much to say about her lmao. I feel like the reason Mia is bisexual is because Alex Lindh watched Skam and felt betrayed that Eva and Noora didn’t get together. Making Mia bi was his way to make it make sense that Hanna and Mia would kiss in the end. Unfortunately, I don’t think he put any further thought on how Mia being bi would impact her character.  💔 I don’t think Mia and Alex make any sense as a couple, and I’m not so much surprised they broke up but more like how did they even manage to last that long? Also, I just kinda resent the way Alex Lindh made Alex such an asshole in s1 and the beginning of s2, that it necessitated a looooot more face time to make him likeable to the audience, so that s2 is more the Alex show than for any other William, to the point he gets the panic attack scene instead of Mia. I can’t really say for sure, but it feels like Alex is the most developed Druck LI and for what!!!

Elenonora - Look..... I know I said I don’t think of the Nooras as feminists, but like, Skam itself at least normalizes the idea that feminism is a good thing, you know? And yet, Skam Italia s1 makes such a concerted effort not to have Eleonora say anything too politically charged that I’m just like, okay, we don’t have to go all the way to the other extreme either. (I get the feeling this changes a bit in s3, but imo it was too thoughtlessly implemented.) All that said, the costume and makeup for Eleonora reminds me of Laura Pausini in her first era, so Bessegato has appealed to my 90s nostalgia lol. 

(I can’t be the only one who sees it, right??)

Grace - Grace is one of the few Nooras who does give me the vibe that she’s a full part of the squad. The Austin s2 writers were really good at incorporating the other girls in the squad into her season and involving Grace in the other girls’ problems. I actually really disliked Grace’s season when it started, but unlike a lot of other Skam seasons (and certainly a lot of Noora seasons), it kept getting better every week. I don’t care much for Grace (and Kennedy as a person didn’t help matters), but I do like how big a role the other girls play in her season.

Nora - Sooo I’m biased as fuck, but Nora is the only Noora for me. I think the eskam team did such a good job with the research into the young feminist movement that resulted from the Manada gangrape case. There are just so many Spanish teen girls like Nora, and giving her an older sister who was a SA victim herself was just such a great addition that made Nora even more in tune with the zeitgeist. Now, Nora did tend towards the performative, esp in s4, but I think even that is an accurate portrayal. I don’t think these young feminists are all activists, but they interiorized feminist discourse and applied it to their lives, and while woc were also part of this movement, I’m not sure that in the end they were actually listened to. (And the eskam team failing Amira when they did so right by the other 4, and even Inés and Lara, is certainly indicative of the kind of “feminists” they are.) All in all, I think Nora perfectly reflected 2016-2020 Spanish feminism, and for me she’ll always be a bit of a time capsule of this period, as well as a character I’d be ecstatic were she to become synonymous with Spain in foreign fans’ minds. Flaws in her feminism and all.

Liv - I have to say I don’t have many thoughts about Liv. I feel like, as a character she could’ve been such a game changer, on part with Nora Grace or Ava or Fatou, but the writing just wasn’t there. As in, I don’t think the Skam NL writer was particularly interested in the things Julie Andem did to break Noora out of the playing-hard-to-get mold, which is fair enough since it’s not like I love Noora myself, but then she didn’t substitute it with anything else either. I don’t think it’s on Zoë Love Smith, because the girl has charisma coming out of her pores, and I think she’s the only remake Noora who truly sold Noora’s introduction scene. I just feel like in the end Skam NL was more interested in making music videos than saying anything of substance, unfortunately. 

Zoë - already talked about her here. One thing I have to say about her is that I watched 7 versions of Noora calling William a cliche, but it didn’t hit me until wtfock’s take on the scene that Noora is as much of a cliche as William is. And that’s because Julie Andem’s writing elevated Noora to more than that, so that I didn’t think of Noora as a cliche. But the writing for Zoë never really did. I think that might be one of the reasons why Zoë and Senne are one of the most popular versions of Noorhelm, because they’re very much characters, they’re not really developed in a way that you feel like they could be real people you could know irl.

[lewlthea]

The Actual Thing Going On With Edelgard Von Hresvelg.

 Spoilers: It’s not fascism, nor racism (at least not in the way people think). Also, actual spoilers for the game.

If there has been a controversial character in Fire Emblem Three Houses, it’s Edelgard Von Hresvelg, one of the game’s main three lords, the house leader of the Black Eagles, the princess and sole heir of the Adrestian Empire, and an antagonist in every single route but hers. She has been a polarizing figure within the community: Some people think she’s an irredeemable monster, others think she’s a misunderstood leader. When it comes to Edelgard, theres hardly a grey opinion towards her; She’s either black or white. Today, I wanna talk about Edelgard’s actions towards the 4 routes, what they actually portray, and how and why the entire discourse towards her was caused deliberately by Intelligent System’s incredible mishandling and mistreatment of the character.

I remember Nintendo’s 2018 E3 conference quite well. I was at with a group of friends, watching at one of them’s house because he had a bigger TV. I remember making jokes about how “there was going to be a new Fire Emblem” because loving Fire Emblem when Intelligent Systems is Like That is a living nightmare.

And then this happens.

Words could not express the joy I felt when the trailer was over. It wasn’t just a new Fire Emblem game: We were going to have another lady lord, and an axe-wielding one at that - something the fanbase had been desperately craving since the recent surge in Hector’s popularity - and for once, it was like when I first found out that there would be a new female character in Shadows Of Valentia with Faye, and it was the tipping point for me to finally buy a Nintendo Switch.

Of course, just like Faye, things weren’t that simple.

Because some months before E3 2019, which promised to reveal more info on Fire Emblem 3 Houses, Reddit exploded. All because of someone who goes by the username Thanibomb, who claimed to have leaked info on the game, saying a lot of information about all the characters, some of them very questionable (With things such as Lysithea would die due to her crest complications, and it would cause the major 5-year war, and other things like Claude being the one who shot Dimitri’s eye off), while other info being oddly specific. A part of it that made me particularly chuckle was when such user said that Dimitri would have lost an eye, and would cover it with an eyepatch. I found it so silly and, along with some friends, claimed it to be fake and carried on.

And then E3 2019 happened.

And Dimitri had an eyepatch. 

And still, even after Thanibomb, things remained optimistic. All lords looked nice, they seemed to have their own ideals, their own paths, and no fights were breaking out within the fanbase yet. But then early copies were sent to reviewers. And then 4chan got a hold of one of those. And then the main leaks started. And by the time the game got released, it was too late. The amount of hate comments towards the character was so overwhelming; some calling Edelgard a fascist, others claiming that she was racist, others even saying that she gives racist remarks towards Claude ingame (a blatant lie). A personal favorite comment of mine was how Hubert and Edelgard looked like the perfect alt-right couple. 

(Should I remark that these kinds of comments stopped as soon as they found out that Hubert could A-support Ferdinand, and most of them moved on to fetishize the relationship between the two of them instead. Ironically, before that happened people despised Hubert in general solely because of his unusual appearance and shady behavior, but that was soon seen as ‘nuanced’ the moment he could be paired off with another man.)

And so, a fight between the fanbase begun: (Mostly) Blue Lion fans bashing Edelgard’s character, Black Eagle fans defending her vehemently, and Golden Deer fans between either on any of those sides or just making memes for Joe Zieja’s rally campaign for the GD. Mostly the latter. But that’s beside the point.

A (Kinda) Brief Summary of Edelgard’s Presence In Azure Moon, Verdant Wind, And Silver Snow.

Throughout the game’s second part, unless you’re playing the Crimson Flower Route, Edelgard will always be an antagonist who cannot be spared, and she cannot survive unless it’s in her own route. However, the way she is percieved changes depending on each route you are making, with each route leaving small fragments depicting Edelgard’s past and shaping her character in full scale. 

In Verdant Wind/Silver Snow, Edelgard isn’t the final boss. She is one of the bosses before the big fight. (Nemesis in Claude’s case, Rhea in Seteth’s). She’s one of the obstacles, but not the main one, therefore there is not much insight on her character; However, there is still one element present in those routes that is curiously omitted from Azure Moon that is the reason why she doesn’t really have too much focus, that being Hubert’s final letter.

In both routes, Hubert seems to highly respect Seteth/Claude’s prowess in the war and their cunning mind. (Especially Claude; Throughout both Verdant Wind and Crimson Flower, he commends Claude’s tactics and strategies multiple times). In the letter, he gives the location of where Rhea is confined and asks them to eliminate Those Who Slither in the Dark, the game’s true villains and the ones behind most, if not all the game’s tragic events. Even more curiously, though, is the fact that the letter does exist on the Crimson Flower route, and can be seen briefly on Hubert’s B support with Ferdinand, being the reason of their argument throughout the conversation. Not a single mention of the letter exists in the Azure Moon Route. (Of course it would not make sense for it to exist gameplay-wise due to the player having already murdered Arundel/Thales earlier in the game but. It’s still something to be accounted for).

Speaking of Azure Moon, this is a much more trickier route to talk about. Not only due to the fact that Edelgard is this route’s final boss, but also because all of the things we discover about Edelgard within it are never mentioned in any other route, only brief mentions about the time she spent in the Kingdom; nothing more. 

In here, her time spent on the Kingdom is expanded: Both Edelgard, her mom Patricia and Arundel were sent off to Faerghus due to exile, with Patricia being set off to marry King Lambert. There, she meets Dimitri, and they both become fast friends. By the time she has to leave, Dimitri gifts her with a dagger (Which, in Faeghus, are important gifts that mean ‘to cut a path towards a better future’), and she returns to Adrestia. Some time after she leaves the Tragedy of Duscurr happens, caused by Those Who Slither in the Dark. However, due to a misunderstanding caused by eavesdropping on a conversation between Thales and the Flame Emperor, Dimitri mistakenly believes that the Flame Emperor was behind it all, and once the Flame Emperor’s identity is finally revealed to be Edelgard, she is instantly demonized and called a ‘witch’, even though she openly declares how she had nothing to do with it. This goes on until Rodrigue’s death and Cornelia’s reveal that Patricia was the one behind the Duscurr Tragedy so she could return to the Empire and “reunite with her daughter”. (We never find out about what happened to her and she is not mentioned during the Crimson Flower). Dimitri tries to talk Edelgard off their final confrontation, but Edelgard insists that it is far too late for her to back down for their ideals are far too different, and she refuses to live in a world where the Church of Seiros exists. Dimitri then hands back her dagger (Which she accidentally dropped before the timeskip), and they both retreat to prepare for the final battle.

This route’s final boss is an Edelgard who was absorbed direct power from Those Who Slither in the Dark, and adquires a grotesque, corrupted form. No other character in the canon possess such a thing, and only Edelgard can assume such form. Once she is defeated, Dimitri tries once again to spare her, only for Edelgard to stab him with the dagger, making Dimitri realize that she would never give up on her dream, and finally kills her.

An Even More Brief Explanation of What Does All of This Means.

Okay, all of that info was nice, fun, good, yadda yadda. What does this mean and why was it needed.

Well, for starters, let’s ask ourselves a question: After reading the summary, can you say that you know what drives her to seek out the destruction of the church?

What is her reasoning behind the unification of Fodlan?

Do we get anything out of her other than “Scary dictator” or “An obstacle that had to be sadly removed” or “Under better circumstances... We could’ve been Allies (tm)”?

We don’t. Because Intelligent Systems did not bother to show Edelgard’s motivations, despite her being the villain in almost all the routes.

During Verdant Wind and Silver Snow, Edelgard herself does not matter: she’s solely important because she is threatening the church, she is your scary big bad dictator that you have to beat in order to rescue Rhea, only to find out that in reality she was just a stepping stone to the real villains, Those Who Slither in the Dark. (In game it is said that Hubert came up with this name. In my humble opinion Hubert can go fuck himself because this is the shittiest name I have ever seen and I am tired of having to type this five word long thing every paragraph or so). As soon as you read the letter, suddenly Edelgard, the Empire, and all the questions you had as to why she Did It dissappear because now you have another objective, another goal. 

This is even more offensive during Azure Moon because she is the focus, the final boss, but it doesn’t matter why she did all of this nor what her ideals actually are despite them being the reason why she cannot be spared. The game would rather focus on getting reactions out of the player when the intimidating big meanie does something that makes Dimitri go angry than actually focusing on the clashing of Dimitri and Edelgard’s ideals, why they cannot go back to what it once was, what happened to her to change this way, why did ‘El’ actually die. All you have is a dictator in red which does things for no reason other than “I will destroy the Church and unify Fodlan so I can govern over all of it”. Nothing more, nothing less.

....Of course, you do realize that I have avoided to talk about a certain thing.

So, About That Crimson Flower Route...

If there is a way to truly understand a villain, one must walk on such person’s footsteps. Most people criticizing Edelgard were the ones who hadn’t played her route yet, or had only played Azure Moon and was led to believe that all of Edelgard’s actions are unwarranted or pure nonsense. 

There is a reason why people sing their tune differently as soon as they experience the Crimson Flower.

For starters, to be able to fight for Edelgard, you have to first have her support up to C+, go with her to Enbarr once she asks of you, and then defend her from Rhea at the Holy Tomb. The reasoning behind that is so that you fully understand what Edelgard has gone through and the reason why she cannot agree with the existence of the Church.

The Azure Moon route tells you of Edelgard before she returned to the Empire.

It never tells you what caused her to change after she went back.

Edelgard was part of the crest experimentations caused by Those Who Slither in the Dark, alongside all her siblings. Her father, the emperor, was unable to do anything about it, as the real people in control of the Empire were Arundel/Thales and Duke Aegir. Being the sole survivor of such things to return to society and see how everything is defined by whether you have a crest or not and finding out that the Church, who instead of breaking down such system to favor equality would rather turn the creatures who run it into figures to be worshipped is. Something.

There’s another reason for Edelgard’s sudden betrayal, a more sinister one, and why she feels like everything needs to be done in a quick pace. In her C+ you find out she has a second crest, The Crest of Flames, just like the player. People who bear two crests have a shortened lifespam, however.

When Edelgard declares war against the Church, and to unite Fódlan, it’s not solely because ‘Church bad’: She declares war against the unfair crest system, against the hypocrisy of Rhea’s dragon entourage, and of course, to destroy Those Who Slither in the Dark later on the road.

  However.

Just because Edelgard’s behavior is justified, does not mean she is 100% in the right. She herself admits that the path she follows is one drenched in blood. But there are several times in the game that makes you stop and think for a second that she can still make bad decisions, and that sometimes her decisions might have horrible consequences. One of them is for example to never take away Brigid’s status as a vassal to the Empire and return it back to it’s former glory as an actual country, which shows how the entire Brigid kerfuffle is something akin to colonization. We should also point out that when she unifies Fodlan, in some endings she remains the Emperor, completely missing the point of what she fought for.

Another case that shows one of Edelgard’s biggest flaws is with the Silver Maiden incident.

Edelgard had just conquered Arianrhod, the Silver Maiden, and due to murdering Cornelia, enrages Ariandel/Thales, whom causes the situation above out of a show of power. She knows it was Those Who Slither in the Dark, but she needs to give explanations fast and she can’t reveal their identity or else they would slip away and it would be impossible to locate them and destroy them. So what does she do?

She says it was Rhea who did it, actively lying to her closest allies, one of them being the Prime Minister of the Empire.

For Edelgard, the ends justifies the means, and as long as she gets the results she wants, she will do what it takes. Even by alienation. And that’s a dangerous way to go on.

...So, where do I want to go from here? Who is to blame for the hatefest Edelgard is receiving?

Intelligent Systems Kind of Didn’t Know What To Do With Edelgard.

Now hold on. That sounds a bit too harsh, don’t you think? She was the first lord shown in the E3 2018 trailer, they have placed a very big emphasis on Edelgard everywhere hell the game’s main theme is about her, why would you claim that??

Well, first and foremost, I should start by saying that Crimson Flower is the game’s shortest route, with the total of 18 chapters. From those 18 chapters, there is only one cutscene, with most of the route’s major events being shown with either the game’s basic models or still images.

For comparison, Verdant Wind has the total of 8 cutscenes, counting the final one before the timeskip, with 3 of them being unique to its route.

Azure Moon has the total of 5 cutscenes, 3 of them being unique to its route. 

Silver Snow has 4 cutscenes, having 2 unique ones to its route.

The other two main lords have several support options with people outside of their respective houses; Edelgard only has one.

Remember when I said that one of Edelgard’s main enemies are Those Who Slither in the Dark? The game never lets her deal with them personally. You never truly fight them during Crimson Flower.

In a way, the game feels as if while Edelgard is the focus, you shouldn’t side with her. It really makes it feel as if someone at Intelligent Systems just snickered and said ‘Hey wouldn’t it be cool if we could let our players side with/date our villain?’ without even considering or respecting such villain’s motivations, her ideals, and what truly makes a character unique.

In the end, all they truly cared for was if Edelgard was romanceable enough for the player, not if she made sense or was appealing as a character, whether as a villain or a savior.

And considering how the fanbase is behaving towards Edelgard, they succeeded. 

[nightklok]

ASH... oh my lord those prompts are SO good... chickles for #60? and/or hammertooth for #98? whatever strikes your fancy~

100 Ways to Say I Love You Prompts[Open]

AAAA Thank you for requesting Kelly ;^; I really liked the two you picked out so i ended up doing both!! (And sorry if they became too long sdfsff)

60)-”Happy Birthday.”

Word Count:1278

For his own reasoning, Pickles chose to pretend his birthday didn’t exist. It was difficult given how famous he is and how much more fan mail and online exposure he’d get around that time that would constantly remind. It’d be easier to not collect his fan mail and avoid the internet but his family always seemed to find a way to pester him. Every single Goddamn year would be them trying to come over or pestering him with texts, phone calls, and dollar store birthday cards with half-assed written messages. 

Fortunately, this year seemed to be different. He was only thankful that conveniently their latest mission to fulfill the prophecy or whatever was in England In hindsight, he should’ve realized that it was actually part of Charles’ plan.

And since he never really looks at the schedule of what they needed to do, he didn’t realize that conveniently there was a day off between the tasks. And it so happened to fall right on his birthday.

It didn’t click into place once he found himself slowly waking up to Charles pulling him closer sleepily. His hands were always so gentle around him that it was almost easy to fall back asleep. Luckily, him being kissed was enough to get that jolt of energy to not fall as fast asleep. 

“Happy birthday, Pickles,” Charles said and Pickles tiredly laughed as he kissed him back.

“Aren’t I gettin' a little too old for birthdays?” He asked with a tired smile.

“That would mean you actually had celebrated your own birthdays. There’s nothing wrong with treating yourself a little,” Charles answered, "Besides, I kind of planned something for us to do together. Of course, the boys want to do something with you too but that will be in the evening." 

“What about my family? They're gonna ruin it if they find out-”

"They won't. It's all taken care of. It's nothing worth getting the press over. It's just gonna be between us and no one else." 

That was enough to get Pickles to be comfortable enough to not ask anything else. Charles wasn't pestering him to get up and start the day like he usually would. He seemed to be taking his time with him and it was actually nice for once. 

True to Charles' word, it was as quiet and enjoyable as Pickles preferred. He had shared plenty of birthday bashes before in the past to wake up incredibly hungover with a bunch of celebrities on his bed. As nice as those times were, he didn't miss it as much as he thought he would.

There was something nice about being able to spend a birthday not trapped in a room or with people he barely even knew. While the other guys may call him old, he just found it not as appealing as they must have. Charles could've simply given him a cake and he would've been content enough with it. However, because he was Charles, he always had tricks up his sleeve that he was never able to catch.

They spent most of the morning and afternoon traveling around England, visiting a few music museums, catching a private matinee performance of Book of Mormon, and even trying out pie at that traditional pie shop Charles always raved over. It was just as delicious as he had said. 

It was evening when they finally made it back to the tour bus after basically traveling around like tourists. The two hadn't had a day where they basically traveled around aimlessly like normal people and while their celebrity status gave them extra special treatment, it was more enjoyable than either of them had expected.

He saw that the boys had attempted to throw him a surprise party. Attempted being the keyword here. Obviously, the boys and Abigail had fought over who was doing what and it ended with a disarray of balloons, streamers, and food being scattered all over. There was no sign of his family so honestly, he could've been knighted by the Queen herself on the spot and he would've felt the same. 

“So we really tried but someone had to insist on being in charge.” Nathan glared at Skwisgaar.

“Not my faults your aesthetics are shit.” Skwisgaar pointed out.

“Should I remind that you wanted to throw in actual rattlesnakes to the punch bowl for the ‘aesthetics’?” Abigail asked. 

“I don’t get why we couldn’t get a metal birthday cake! Mercury is totally safe and metal too!” Murderface chimed in.

“Uh eithers ways, happy birthdays!” Toki said quickly as he hugged Pickles so tightly he almost saw white.

Pickles just laughed when Toki pulled away. How could he be mad at people who at least genuinely tried to throw him a birthday party? He couldn’t remember if his family ever tried to throw him one. It used to hurt him he didn’t remember and he’d try so desperately to remember as the last thing of hope he had that they definitely cared about him.

Looking at the scene now, he realized that it didn’t matter. He finally got the birthday party he truly wanted. A birthday party thrown by his actual family, “The gesture’s still sweet. I really appreciate it. Thanks, guys.” 

The cake was at least saved thanks to the fact it was kept in the fridge by an Abigail who definitely knew how to hold a sword. As they ate their cake, the presents were brought in by a klokateer. Six gifts in all. 

The gifts were exactly things he would like. A mixture of handmade from the boys' secret talents and store-bought that still carried the same amount of love as they were all things he would like. The final gift was almost easy to not notice. It was a small box wrapped in white packaging and even though it had no name tag, it was still easy to see from who it was from.

It took a few moments to unwrap the paper and open the box. Seeing what was inside almost made him drop the box before looking at Charles, "You-This is for real? You actually mean it?" 

Charles nodded as he took his hands, staring at him completely with a look that was full of the love he shared for him as well,"Of course I do, Pickles. You really mean a lot to me and I can't believe it's taken me so long to realize that. I know things are going to be hard soon and I'm not sure if we'll ever get another opportunity for me to propose to you so I'm taking this as a chance. I want this to be a promise that no matter what happens, I'll always be waiting for you and I hope you'll do the same for me."

Pickles almost choked back a sob as he kissed Charles before hugging him tightly, "Of course I fuckin' will. I'll wait a million years if I have to because I do wanna marry you. You're really the only one for me, Charlie."  

It seemed like everyone else was aware of that moment because he heard party poppers go off and a mixtures of 'Congratulations', 'About fucking time', and 'Great, let's eat more cake.' 

They eventually pulled away and Charles slipped the ring in his finger, which was a perfect fit. 

"We cans plans your weddings!" Toki said excitedly which sparked immediate discussion among the others.

"No, I don't think-" Charles said before he was interrupted by the boys beginning to ramble about a very metal (and dangerous) wedding planned. 

"We can tell them tomorrow. For now, I just wanna spend the rest of my birthday with my fiance." Pickles chuckled as he reached over to kiss him again.

“Sounds good to me.” He smiled as he kissed him again, “Happy birthday.”

98) “Take a deep breath.” 

Trigger Warning: Panic Attack, blood mention Word count: 897

Transitioning was difficult. In one moment, Magnus was spending the past decade or so solely on revenge against the band that took everything away from him. The next moment, he’s now spending the rest of his life helping the band that took everything from him. Life had a funny way of throwing things at him that he least expected. Going from a vengeful person to someone who was not was something he never expected to happen. He figured he was too old to change but he supposed the world was nice enough to grant him some humanity to change.

The world was never kind to him. Magnus had made his peace with that and then continued to fight against it for all he had left in him. He wondered if giving in to help Dethklok meant giving up fighting. He was still fighting, for sure, but the difference was that his battles became for something much more than revenge. 

He sat in a meeting with the _Council, _which was full of the people who apparently had a role in the prophecy to help fight against Salacia. Dethklok, Charles, Edgar, Dick, Abigail, ghost Trindle summoned via seance...and him. He was one of the people a part of the prophecy and that was still hard to wrap his head around. He wasn’t told his role yet, it was not his time yet, and that’s what ended up terrifying him the most.

What if his role made him throw away everything he began working for after he was saved? What if he had to go back to his old ways and hurt Toki...fatally this time? No...no he wouldn’t fall down that path again, prophecy be damned. 

He couldn’t bring himself to pay attention to the meeting. It could be blamed on the pain he _refused _to take morphine for or perhaps trying to figure out himself after realizing he wasn’t who he thought he was. Every meeting he sat through brought up the same uncomfortable feelings and this one was no different really. Just usually talking about the usual stuff; updates on the song Dethklok and Dick were working on, Edgar’s messages with whales, boring stuff. And just as usual, he had nothing to provide to the table.

“Magnus?” Charles asked and Magnus was brought out of his thoughts.

Eyes were on him now. Maybe Charles asked a question and he didn’t notice why he was being asked. God, he should’ve paid attention. Maybe this was part of the prophecy? His role was to answer a question incorrectly and be quickly beheaded as an example to those that dare betray Dethklok. Maybe he was really just kept alive for that example. They brought back a fucking psycho for a prophecy; morality is non-existent with them...Maybe...

“Magnus, you okay?” Toki was sitting next to him. He gently reached for one of his hands only for Magnus to quickly pull away. 

Magnus didn’t say anything and ran out of the room instead. He could hear Toki and the others call after him but he didn’t stop. He ran as far as his repairing body would allow him before stopping at a corner, gasping for air. Almost frantically his hand reached for his bandaged chest, feeling something wet just touch his fingertips. God, he fucked up. He always did.

His breathing didn’t stop from escalating. He could feel his heart pound rapidly to the point where it gave no moment for him to breathe. It was almost as similar as to when he stabbed himself. Knowing that he had to die but still fighting for air like he had some sort of worth. 

He could hear footsteps and almost a gasp before feeling himself being dragged to sit on the floor. The hands that held his shoulders were so familiar that he didn’t need to look up. Other footsteps were heard across the empty hall. Distinct voices he couldn’t quite make out. He couldn’t tell who was speaking at all but it was enough for him to want everything to stop.

He wants to tell everyone to fuck off and let him suffer in peace. Let the re-opened wounds open more so he could bleed out to death. That would be so much easier for everyone.

But there was only one distinct voice he could somehow hear. Toki. The only one speaking directly to him, speaking softly but enough for him to hear. It was still hard to hear his voice compared to the others and his own breathing but it was something to focus on.

 If Toki was willing to help over...whatever he’s going through, then how would he feel if Magnus ended up dying? Magnus was one of the few people Toki called out to when he was stuck in the hospital. Magnus became one of the many people Toki gave second chances to but definitely one of the first to actively try and make sure his second chance wouldn’t ever be a third.

He wouldn’t hurt Toki. 

He couldn’t hurt Toki. 

His self-imposed role would be to never hurt him for as long as he lived. As his breathing was struggling to stay even and he was struggling to awake, it was that promise and Toki’s voice that kept him staying awake.

“Takes a deeps breaths.” Toki’s voice was the only clear one he could hear.

And so he did. 

[loplainlointhemorning]

You don't have to answer this if you don't want to but what's up with the Courtney Love controversy? Why are people accusing her of manipulation or whatever? I'm totally new to this discussion

hey darling!! no worries, I love discussing Kurt & Court bc theyre my surrogate parents and they emotionally raised me when I had a difficult relationship w my Mom and Dad, plus I’m named after Kurt and he’s part of the reason I realized my ~gender~, so needless to say I have a surplus of information on them. Plus their music fucks. anyways, this is gonna be a masterpost-

my credentials(sources I have taken my information and formed my opinion on Kurt & Court’s relationship from if u need to look into them):

-Heavier Than Heaven(Book by Charles Cross, authorized by Kurt’s estate. Charles Cross is a well known grunge/music historian and has literally devoted his life to researching and writing rockstar biographies, including several on Nirvana. One of my favorite books ever.)

- Montage Of Heck(Documentary on Kurt’s life. Produced by his daughter, Frances. I have some heavy criticisms of this film and of the interviews in it, but it does have some reflections on Kurt and Courtney’s relationship that I think are important.)

- Hit So Hard(a documentary on Hole’s drummer, Patty Schemel. Minor discussions of Kurt and Kurt and Courtney.)

- Verse Chorus Verse(Fan-made documentary series on Kurt’s life, widely regarded by Nirvana fans the most in depth play-by-play biography that exists- and it’s free on YouTube, which is lit.)

sources I don’t pull from, but many younger Nirvana fans do(the people who buy into the conspiracies generally):

Kurt and Courtney- A documentary made in the late 90’s under the guise of biography, but is actually about the conspiracy theory that Courtney killed Kurt. I saw it when I was a new fan and I literally laughed out loud from how apeshit it was.

Soaked In Bleach- ‘Biopic’ about Courtney killing Kurt. I haven’t seen it but straight men who think Courtney is ugly take it more seriously than the Bible. Very little truth ever goes into these theories, besides maybe names and dates.

Anything Hank Harrison(Courtney’s father) has to say- He wrote a book on the subject. He also gave her acid and lost custody of her when she was three years old. He’s a shit parent and I doubt he’s actually seen his daughter since the 80’s.

Anything Buzz Osborne(Kurt’s friend, singer for the Melvins, a band Kurt looked up to in Montesano) says- I think Buzz’s opinion is taken way too seriously by a lot of the fan base, I read an interview of his criticizing Montage Of Heck because Kurt ‘didn’t really have a stomach disease’ and was just lying about it to get high, and also about how he hated having to see Courtney naked, and made a good long point about how disgusting her body is. IOn top of all that(none of which really has to do with critiquing the film...?), he mocked Kurt and called him a loser for committing suicide. I don’t care what your opinion on his stomach, his wife, or his music is, that shit is callous and idiotic, but totally reflective of the 70’s and 80’s mentality regarding the mentally ill. He’s part of the legion of pretentious punk dudes who *kind of* knew Kurt, who think Courtney’s the one who ‘corrupted’ him, which brings me around to answering your question.

So, there’s this idea regarding Kurt and Courtney’s relationship, which is pretty similar to the one surrounding Sid and Nancy’s(or at least used to.) Courtney is the whiny, annoying, petulant bitch who attached herself to the first trophy she could find, and through her terrible manipulative personality kept him with her and kept him from getting better. In this mode of thinking, She’s also the person who ‘started’ him on drugs, and in a few people’s eyes, the person who ‘forced’ him to have Frances.

The reality of the situation, as I see it, as someone who’s gone to pretty decent lengths to inform themselves on the subject, is that Kurt and Courtney’s relationship was toxic: But the toxicity was mutual. This doesn’t mean they were a “problematic” couple, or that they were abusing each other, or even that either one of them was ‘evil’, it means that they fell deeply in love as young trauma survivors with substance abuse issues and huge ambitions. That’s a lot to put on any relationship and it’s a lot to talk about, so I’m gonna split this into categories of complaints that you’ll hear pretty routinely as a new Nirvana/Hole fan.

1. “She got him into drugs!”

Courtney started on heroin in the late 80’s in L.A., when she was still playing with Sugar Baby Doll(her band with Jennifer Finch and Kat Bjelland). Kurt, as said in Heavier Than Heaven, tried heroin for the first time around 1988-1989(I don’t remember exactly.) At the time, he was still living with(though I don’t believe they were still dating) Tracy Marander. Because he was destitute, he didn’t have enough money to start forming an actual habit until Nevermind started gaining speed, and by the time he and Courtney started dating(they met a couple of times and phoned a couple of times before cementing a relationship) he had been taking it for a while. That’s the thing I think people look over when it comes to Kurt- He was embarrassed about his addiction and he hated the physical side effects, but he loved heroin.

Courtney says in Montage Of Heck that she had both tried and kicked heroin by the time she met Kurt, but I think the Heavier Than Heaven description is probably more accurate: That she did heroin socially, and her addiction worsened after the two of them began living together because Kurt was(in her own words) ‘obsessed with oblivion.’ She also said in Montage Of Heck that his dream was to ‘Get to three million dollars and become a junkie.’ She’s stated several times that her drug problems came out of a need for ‘comfort’, and Kurt was into getting so fucked he couldn’t do anything else(also confirmed by his friend, Dylan Carlson, who was also into heroin and did it with him often.)

On top of that, Courtney was the one who orchestrated interventions for Kurt, went through the process of reviving him when he’d overdosed, and broke his syringes/scared off his dealers to try and keep drugs away from him as much as possible. At one point, she even made a rule that no drugs were to be done in the house- So he started renting motel rooms and doing them there. It was she who was the head of his final intervention before he went missing.

If anything, Courtney is the person who tried her hardest to keep drugs away from both of them. Considering how much people still talk about her doing heroin while pregnant(which occurred very early on before she was aware of her condition), Kurt is the person who struggled the most to stay off drugs during her pregnancy and after Frances’ birth, even going so far as to hide in the bathroom from her while she was struggling with morning sickness so she wouldn’t know he was getting high.

2. “She manipulated him into dating her/marrying her!”

Here’s the thing about Courtney; She is an enigmatic, entertaining, talented, maternal individual. Here’s the thing about Kurt; He’s a shy, quiet, non-confrontational guy with mommy issues. There’s been a lot of discussion on how Courtney was ‘obsessed’ with Kurt, and how she wouldn’t rest until she pinned him down: That’s untrue, or at least it reads less like crazy-bitch-steals-rock-god and more like cute-singer-has-crush-on-fellow-cute-singer. She was really into him, but when she met him she was still dating Billy Corgan, which deterred her from pursuing him until that relationship(basically) dissolved. When Kurt met her, he had just gotten out of a relationship with Tobi Vail, which most likely fell apart because she refused to be what Tracy Marander had been for him. She wasn’t interested in caring for him and she wasn’t interested in a full-time monogamous relationship. She was working too hard at her own career and was way too involved in the burgeoning riot grrrl movement to worry about looking after Kurt Cobain. That just wasn’t going to work for him.

Kurt was a big believer in the nuclear family model, he was very monogamous, and besides that he lacked the ability to physically take care of himself. If he wasn’t living with a partner who would clean up the house and remind him to wash his hair, it just didn’t happen. He was chronically ill, depressed, and he’d spent most of his adolescence AWOL from anyone who would actually raise him, so Tobi’s rejection deeply hurt him for a number of reasons- While Courtney, the opposite of Tobi in a few key ways, was exactly what he wanted. On top of looking like the archetypical punk girl, “I was attracted to her because she looked like Nancy Spungen,” she had a maternal streak (In Montage Of Heck, when he’s found sitting beside her while she cuts his hair, and, typical for people living with Kurt, mentions that she cleans the house because ‘nobody else fuckin does.’) Early on in their relationship, Kurt had a meltdown and begged Courtney to come to his apartment. She did, and looked after him the rest of the night, a pattern which would become common for them, and was stated by her half sister to be the ‘original strain on the relationship.’

Besides her mothering elements, Courtney was brassy and loud, and her presence allowed him to be less introverted and freer with himself. She was an ambitious young musician who shared a similar childhood to him, and had the same yearning for a safe home life that he did. She was well-read and artistic, and introduced him to the literary side of music creation, which he hadn’t explored yet. After spending a night on the phone with her, he went around telling everybody she was ‘the coolest girl in the world,’ and broke off another burgeoning relationship with Mary Lou Lord on live TV after spending the night with her. The famous quote, “Courtney Love is the best fuck in the world.” is in fact real. And yeah, he could’ve handled that one better.

The attraction was mutual, and I find it hard to believe that Kurt was ever forced into anything romantic with her based on how well she suited his tastes.

3. “She used him for his fame/money!”

As stated above, Courtney was attracted to Kurt before Nevermind was even recorded, and if she wanted to marry a famous dude right out the gate, at the time they met there were plenty of people who were way more famous than Kurt. In Heavier Than Heaven she mentions really liking their song “Dive,” and later in life she mentioned hearing “Sliver” and being impressed with Kurt’s writing abilities. Both of those songs were released a solid two years before Nevermind. She was interested in Kurt because he was cute and talented and she was savvy in the music scene, meaning that she kept up with underground bands.

Now, a point of contention between Kurt & Courtney was their different attitudes towards fame. That is entirely true. Courtney wanted to be famous, enjoyed celebrity, loved attention, and could handle touring, press, and the craziness of success. She was very charismatic, very physically strong, and let’s face it, definitely an attention whore. Kurt liked being praised, he liked being successful, and he definitely had a thing for attention- But he hated pressure, he had inferiority issues, he didn’t know how to handle his life being pried into all the time, and he wasn’t strong enough to do massive tours. Courtney just didn’t understand that, which is pretty common if someone doesn’t share your same mental illness/physical illness: Touring hurt Kurt’s stomach, it worsened his anxiety and emotional instability, it wore his body out, it didn’t agree with him. He loved playing live but couldn’t handle the mania or the travelling, meaning he didn’t mind blowing off huge tours that would bring in loads of money. Courtney, who did feel envious and intimidated regarding his success, would get angry at him for that- She didn’t want him to blow off massive paychecks and press coverage because it’s not what she would’ve done. I definitely side with Kurt on this, nothing is more frightening and frustrating than people trying to force you to do things you can’t handle health-wise. Courtney, being naturally business-oriented, was also aware of how things appeared to the public, and definitely cared about their image more than Kurt did- One of their fights revolved around her nagging him about how important the “Heart-Shaped Box” music video would be for him, and how he should look good. He reacted by stubbing out a cigarette on his forehead and saying, “Do I look fucking good enough for you now?”

So yeah, Courtney, like a lot of people in Kurt’s life, was all about furthering his career and success. A lot of people read that as her being money-hungry or manipulative, in my opinion it’s just a natural response from a person who’s spent their whole life trying to be a success and wouldn’t really get there until 1994. I think some of it was envy and I think some of it was her using him a little vicariously, neither of which are healthy but neither of which are malicious, either. She wanted to be a rockstar, she was ready to be a rockstar, she wasn’t; He thought he’d wanted to be a rockstar, he didn’t really want to, he was.

4. “She emotionally abused him!”

I hate to say this because I love Kurt so much but, as someone who’s been through a codependent relationship where they were bailing water out of a sinking boat, Kurt’s behavior throughout their marriage set off way more red flags for me than Courtney’s did. I don’t think he was actually abusive, but I do think he was a little too underdeveloped and unresolved to be married to someone. He had to grow up slower than everyone else because he missed out on having concrete mature influences, which Courtney did as well, and like I said earlier I think a lot of their problems came through a lack of adult communication skills. Both of them were really jealous people: Courtney couldn’t stand Kurt talking about Mary Lou Lord or Tobi Vail, Kurt was completely convinced that Courtney was cheating on him with Billy Corgan(even going so far as to talk to their lawyer about a divorce shortly before he died.) This was the catalyst for a lot of mind games and unnecessary drama, especially coming from Kurt.

Kurt couldn’t handle conflict. He was really passive aggressive, and would do things to purposely piss Courtney off or communicate to her that he was displeased. While she was trying to stay clean he would declare that he was going to do drugs in the apartment, when she started talking to a psychic to help her with her problems he mocked her and put her down, when she staged his final intervention his entire argument against rehab was that she was just as ‘fucked up’ as he was(she had already agreed to go into rehab, though whether he was aware of this or not I’m not sure.) He made his first suicide attempt by overdosing on Rohypnol on their wedding anniversary because she took some pills and fell asleep and he decided that meant she wasn’t interested in him anymore. I’m not arguing that that’s an irrational response to your partner getting stoned and falling asleep, especially when he’d apparently set the night up to be as romantic as possible, but the overdose put him in a coma and sent Courtney into hysterics.

Her mental health began to decline due to paranoia that he’d end up dead, and her weight dropped due to the added stress. As someone who’s been through a pretty similar situation to that and exhibited the same symptoms, I can tell you that it is never okay to use a suicide attempt to deal with a perceived injustice from your partner. By this time, Kurt was facing either getting clean or dying, and his behavior was very depressed and erratic, so there are explanations for the way he was acting and I don’t think he was trying to manipulate her with a threat. Despite my understanding of that, there is nothing more exhausting than being the caretaker of someone who is hellbent on never getting better. I can’t imagine being the caretaker of someone who won’t stop until they’re dead, and I do think at that point it would’ve been better for them to separate.

But that isn’t to say Courtney wasn’t toxic herself, I’m not trying to paint a wholly negative image of Kurt here. I’m merely trying to stand in the way of Nirvana fanboys who have no grasp on the more sickly sides of his personality, and give Court a bit of a break. Definitely, she struggled with her jealousy: As stated, she never wanted his ex girlfriends mentioned around her and would tear them apart if they were. She was ambitious and career driven, which eroded a lot of her platonic relationships/working relationships as well her marriage to Kurt. She was one of the people who was pushing him to recover in time to play Lollapalooza, and she was one of the people who pushed him into his last stunted tour before his death. She weaponized his relationship with Frances in ways that I and most people agree are gross: She told him he should be playing massive gigs to support his daughter(though their medical and legal bills were big they were hardly poverty stricken), and admitted in an interview later that she called him in rehab once to tell him he’d dropped Frances on her head(She mentioned during this that Frances was wearing a furry hood, and that he didn’t hurt her. In my opinion he was doing his best by even trying rehab again, and that he was already so worried that he was a terrible father that it was just cruel to make him feel worse.)

She has a tendency to be self-obsessed, and to put her own self interest before people she cares about, even if she regrets it later. She struggles herself with mental illness and addiction, both of which tend to give a person poor judgment regarding the people they care about.

Once again, Courtney and Kurt weren’t a healthy couple, but it wasn’t because they were evil or abusive towards one another. They cared for each other deeply, they had a very pure devotion. Underlying all this nastiness were two people who prayed together, wrote together, fantasized about a Valentine’s Day wedding, and faxed each other R-rated love letters like modern versions of James Joyce and Nora Barnacle. During one of his more successful stints in rehab, Kurt wrote Courtney love letters every night(though he did decorate them with blood, wax, and semen.)

They had some serious therapy they needed to attend, the both of them. But 90% of these demonizations of Courtney are either untrue or blown out of proportion.

[lest-we-be-liars]

Why I think Castiel is important.

So, I'm newish to Tumblr ( mostly I just scroll through and like and comment on posts) but I have been a Supernatural fan for some years and it all started with Castiel. I won't get into all that because it's a long story about my friends trying to get me to watch it for years showing me clips and such until one had the idea to show me Castiel's entrance....but I will say that seeing so much hate on the angel is a little confusing for me. I feel like, without him, the brothers would not have made it this far, at least phycologically. Now before someone hope all over me about how that is bullshit and all they need is each other let me explain my reasoning.

We'll start with Sam. Cas and Sam's bond may not be as "profound", but their friendship is certainly important. All of Sam's life he had Dean to rely on, and really only Dean. He and his father never saw eye to eye. Dean was, for all intents and purposes, Sam's parent, best friend, brother, everything. When he tried to make a life for himself, and it went wrong, he still had Dean. Even he and Bobby weren't as close and Bobby and his brother. His whole life was Dean. And when Dean got fed up and left him alone, that's all he was. Alone. Although it seemed he preferred it that way he his still human. People need people to survive. Enter the angel.

True l, at first Castiel did not care for Sam. He was an abomination in the eyes of Heaven and Castiel always a soldier of the Lord. As soon as Dean was safe in his apple pie life Cas ignored Sam's prayers and didn't check on him after pulling him out of Hell. Then time went on. They developed a friendship out of their mutual concern for Dean and became close. When Sam and Dean got into a fight about Gadreel and Dean left, for the first time Sam was not alone. He had a friend by his side. He didn't have to go through the pain of his brother's betrayal by himself. He had someone to talk him through it. When he was trying to find a way to get rid of the Mark, he had someone there to support him. When Dean was ready to let himself die to save the universe, he had someone to watch over him in his grief. There are several more examples, but islt basically boils down to this: for the first time in his life, Dean wasn't the only person that would catch him if he fell and being someone who always had a safety net if something went wrong it could've been horribly disastrous (more so than it was) in many instances had he not had that support in those cases. Has Cas severely fucked up when it comes to Sam? Hell yes, but in fairness they have all screwed each other over so many times it's not even funny. The important thing is that they still stand by each other no matter what.

And then there is Dean. Setting the "romantic" aspect aside ( I'm trying to make a point, not stir a pot) Castiel and Dean are very important to each other. Even without Cas's powers, he is a vital part to Dean's continued existence. Here's why:

From the time he was four his life was dedicated to protection. Watching over Sam. Saving people from evil. Doing all the work and getting no recognition. John made it very clear that Sam's life and doing their job came first. Dean was never priority. If Dean messed up( as children do) he was punished. If Sam messed up, Dean was punished. Bobby tried to help him enjoy his childhood in some way, but when John caught wind of that he took that away too. Dean always got left behind. When John found a case or wanted to punish him, Dean was left to his own devices. His mother left( the first time was not of her choosing but still) Sam left him to be his own man. Even Bobby wasn't always around. Dean grew up believing that he came last and he would get left behind and that was just it. Enter Castiel.

The angel who fought through hell for forty years to save him. At first in was for heaven's purposes. He was being a good soldier and following his orders. Distrust between the two was natural. But as time went on Castiel began to "feel"( it's what he said to Anna when he was considering rebellion, I'm not implying anything. Those were the words from his own mouth) He began to care for Dean and eventually they became friends. Because angel's are not meant to feel, Castiel obviously became very attached to the first being who made it possible. Dean gained something he had gone without his entire life; someone to protect him. Someone who would go against their better judgement, their orders, just to keep him safe. For the first one in his life, Dean had someone who put him first. Even when Cas made his deal with Crowley, it was to save humanity ( not defending him in that aspect, it went horribly wrong but we know what the road to hell is paved with). Every time Dean was prepared to sacrifice himself, Castiel was right beside him saying " I'll go with you." For the first time in his life Dean wasn't left alone. Everytime Dean was prepared to blame himself for something going wrong, because that's how he grew up, Cas was beside him telling him not to. Everytime Dean wrote Castiel off, and tossed him aside, Cas always came back, ready to catch him if he fell.

Even powerless Castiel is "always happy to bleed for the Winchesters." Which is something they have only ever had in each other. Cas will even do things for them that they aren't willing to do for themselves or each other. That is something they both desperately need. Someone who is willing to fight for them when they won't fight for themselves.

Castiel isn't perfect. He's messed up a lot of things, and a few thing could have been avoided had he not gotten involved. He isn't as powerful as he once was ( honestly if he was still an all powerful being it wouldn't be much of a show, just "woops, dead demon, dead zombies, no fights all smites) but that is humanity in him. He is learning sympathy and empathy and love and loyalty. It's much easier to kill first ask questions later when you don't feel anything. He is still learning. He has only spent a significant amount of time around humans for 10 years and if you can show me a ten year old who has a perfect moral code and makes the right decisions 100% of the time I will be damn surprised. But just because he isn't all powerful anymore doesn't make him any less useful than he was in the beginning. He helps hold the brothers together when they can't do so themselves. In some ways, that makes him more useful.

I know there won't be a lot of people who read this, I know any who do may not agree, but I felt the need to get it all off my chest in support of the angel that brought me to this fandom. SPN has meant a great deal to me over the years and has brought me through some tough times. The actors have inspired me to grow as a person and just be better. I know it's ridiculous to put so much stock in a show but it really has helped me and I owe it all to seeing that angel walk into that barn. Thank you

[thehivemindwrites]

A  Series of Disconnected Thoughts, Cast into the Void in No Particular Order

1. I’ve been finding myself thinking more and more about Kill Six Billion Demons recently. Not just because it’s absolutely gorgeous artwork and Moebius-meets-prog-metal stylings are extremely my shit (KSBD is responsible for adding Gojira to my rotation of workout music, and that alone has me in its debt), but because I can really appreciate a main character who is a walking disaster coming to some kind of enlightenment through a combination of getting her ass handed to her repeatedly, making questionable decisions, and basically just deciding to struggle forwards because I don’t know, what the fuck else is there to do? It’s hardly original (see: basically any shounen about The Power of Friendship and Not Giving Up) but damn if the presentation of it in this particular case isn’t particularly delightful. Plus it gave us the image of a giant hulking demon wearing a jacket that says KILL BOSS and that’s rad.The creator of KSBD is also co-creator, as it happens, of the newly released Lancer TTRPG, which I backed on Kickstarter and will, one day, get a rad fucking hardcover copy of (but for now I’m reading through the pdf and swearing oaths that one day I will play it). Anyway, as someone who also got where he is through a series of questionable decisions and getting his ass handed to him by life in general (oh, and an enormous amount of luck), I can relate. Plus the phrase “Reach heaven through violence,” while kind of terrible on the surface, feels good to shout at yourself while you’re off for a run. 

2. Part of this whole exercise thing - a side-effect of it, if you wanna call it that - is that generally I feel better about myself like in general. I’ve mentioned that before. What it doesn’t do, of course, is magically mean that I’m now 100% good and not still dogged by a persistent sense of self-loathing that I’ve just had to accept will never really go away. Like for example: I’ve lost 35 kg since starting this whole gym thing, except you might remember the goal was 40. I still haven’t hit that goal, and frankly I’ve spent the last like three months bouncing around the same like, 3 kg zone because I’ve been traveling a lot and that basically fucks up my workout and eating routine. It’s frustrating, and it sure does let the part of me that knows deep down that I’m a fat fucker and always will be no matter what I do run wild from time to time. Which is, I’m coming to understand, just gonna always be there. This stuff doesn’t go away! Ever! 

Which doesn’t mean it’s right, even a little. You tune it out and throw yourself into battle with it over and over again. You get bloodied and broken and claw back and then you get bloodied and broken some more. Insert that gif from Princess Bride of Westly saying LIFE IS PAIN, HIGHNESS here. Thing is, there’s something about the struggle that’s nice. I am not sure how motivated I’d be to do anything if part of it wasn’t motivated by the desire to prove my dumb brain wrong about, uh, me. If I wasn’t fighting the various little demons that plague me every so often, I doubt I’d be so well-adjusted. I certainly wouldn’t be mentally healthy. None of this makes sense as I read it back, of course - it sounds like I’m saying “boy it’s nice to be miserable,” which isn’t true. Being miserable sucks shit! I don’t recommend it! But it is nice to see misery coming and punch it in the face (metaphorically speaking). Sometimes I think the thing that makes me go to the gym and work so hard (this sounds like I’m bragging, but I can assure you I’m not - “work so hard” means “not collapse and fall off the elliptical after five minutes because oh god I don’t want to be here”) is out of some desire for self-annihilation through pushing myself past my physical limits. Reach heaven through violence (see, I told you it sounded cool).

3. The world has gotten really fucking bad for a lot of people, and I don’t know that it will get better for them any time soon. In fact, given the latest talk from the ol’ UN Climate Change report, it’s gonna get even worse. I would very much prefer that were not the case! It’s motivation enough to get out and vote and shit, at least for me - and as someone who is, you know, ridiculously privileged, that’s the absolute least I can do. Which is why I try to do more, mostly involving donating money to causes that seem like they’re able to cause the sort of trouble that needs to be caused. Or just use expertise to protect the people I don’t know how to protect, because I’m a lot of things, and one of them happens to be smart enough to know that I don’t know shit. So I make sure people that do know shit have the money they need. Pretty straightforward, I think. 

The other thing I try to do, because giving money isn’t really something I think about much at all (I’m stupidly fucking fortunate to have a job that pays well, remember), is occasionally go out and actually be present at protests and the like - there are a lot of climate protests and they’re all a good time. Occasionally it’s worth overcoming one’s intense social anxiety to do so. Lord knows it’s significantly less of a risk for me to be out shouting at cops than most. 

4. She-Ra might be one of the best shows out there. There’s something nice about a show that both does and does not present a simple world. Yes, the Horde is bad. Like, objectively bad! They do a lot of looting and subjugating and are generally just deeply not chill people.On the other hand, the people who make up the Horde are still people, and I have a lot of time for a show that can manage to humanize its Big Bad Villain whilst still making it very clear they are  still, you know, not good. It’s messy, and complicated, and sad, because sometimes you have to fight people you used to be friends with! Sometimes you have to make the call that hey, we can’t be friends anymore, because I can’t support the things you’re doing anymore. I’ve made that call before - I bet everyone has, at some point (if you haven’t, I’m sure you’ll have to eventually). Fortunately for me, it’s never been that difficult of a choice, if only because the people I had to go against weren’t people I’d known for very long. 

Anyway, that’s part of it - you gotta just cut people out sometimes. There’s more to it though, because the other thing the show believes is that everyone - even the real shitty people - can change. It doesn’t mean everything’s forgiven, and it doesn’t erase all the bad shit, but they can still change. It’s worth changing, even if it isn’t a cure-all. 

So yeah, I like She-Ra a lot. It’s also just well-written, and funny, and it’s a real good time to see a bunch of diverse characters running around having adventures and being fuckin’ rad. Plus, they’ve shown an incredible willingness to completely change the stakes from season to season - the end of season four in particular is  the equivalent of detonating all the things you thought were important. It pulls a bait and switch so ruthless that I might have applauded if I wasn’t so self-conscious about making noise that my neighbors might hear. The combination of season 3 and 4 was a masterclass on raising the stakes and then explaining that actually, you were playing for stakes even higher than you could’ve thought possible. Oh, and the people you thought you could trust were just using you, and hey, what if we got rid of the thing that you’ve more or less defined yourself by for the entire show? Good luck in season five, motherfucker! I’m a fan, is what I’m saying.

6. Work on Vanquisher 2103 continues apace. I mentioned this before, but we’re doing a once-a-month schedule while the holidays and work beat my ass into the ground, and as it turns out I really enjoy taking a full month to write a chapter. It’s a comically slow pace, but it’s working for me and hopefully the fact that the chapters have tended to be a little longer (and allowed me to expand on ideas a little more, and do a little more research here and there) makes it worth the longer wait. I’d like this thing to be good! There’s a part of my brain, again, that will always insist that nobody reads this and it’s bad and I’m fucking up, constantly - that point, at least, is probably accurate. I am writing characters who in theory have life experiences that are very much Not Mine, which involves a lot of reading things from people who would know better than I do. It’s nerve-wracking, and the only thing I am bone-deep certain of is that I’ll fuck up and hopefully y’all will forgive me for fucking up when that happens. I’ll keep reading and refining and eventually maybe it’ll be okay. Hopefully, anyway.

7. I went to Ireland and guys, Ireland is bullshit. I am offended by its gorgeous cliff-sides and open grasslands and heart-rending beauty. The immense friendliness of the people I met and the fact that you can’t sit in a pub without hearing some dude play a jaunty reel on a tin whistle or accordion or something is a personal insult. I was Arthur Dent angrily demanding to know why this bloody fish is so good the whole time.

I cultivated an immense drinking habit while there. I was also approached by a random German tourist who somehow clocked that I could speak German and we shouted about socialism for an hour auf Deutsch. I met some woman from Louisiana and we ended up having drinks a couple nights in a row to talk about traveling in general and Germany in particular, because her ex-husband is German. There were some Swedish retirees who were both very pleased by their country’s social safety net and also depressingly sour about the fact that refugees got cheap dental care - we might have had some harsh words exchanged before more drinks helped smooth over our frank discussion of differing viewpoints. I had to explain American health care to some people from the UK who were surprisingly gung-ho about the idea of privatized medicine until they talked to me (one of them talked about how the UK used to be an Empire and could be again in such a way that made me want to throw things. We did not talk for very long because I couldn’t fuckin’ handle it). These were strangers that I willingly engaged, because I was having an adventure, and I guarantee none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been going to the gym and committed to the idea of proving the voice in my head that tells me I’m an awkward mess that nobody would ever want to talk to in their life wrong (also, let’s be honest, if I hadn’t had several pints of cider at the time). 

By the end of the trip if I heard one more pub singer’s version of Whisky in the Jar though, that I was gonna produce my pistol and fucking shoot myself in the head.

Go to Ireland if you can. If you live there, fuck you how dare you live somewhere that rad.

8. I didn’t have an eighth thing but I’m committed to this “each thing is numbered” bit which means that even the end of this thing has to follow the trope. This is the end of the post where I say “okay bye I’ll be back the next time I get the urge to throw a bunch of highly unpolished ideas out.” 

[possiblypeachy]

manufactured.

--; summary: The XK-100 model was designed to be many things: charming yet brutal, elusive yet blunt, gentle yet commandeering. What she wasn't designed to be was deviant. But, being so advanced can come with a cost.

You decide what that cost is.

> part two

[determinant factors are in italics]

[warnings that apply to this chapter are in bold]

--; pairings: connor x xk-100, captain allen x xk-100

--; word count: 2.1k

--; themes: slow burn romance, angst, violence, platonic fluff, eventual smut

--; warnings: depictions of violence, death, suicide

--; note: hola mis amigos! this is the first piece of writing that i’m actually putting up here so go easy on me please and thank you! pardon any horrendous mistakes and/or terrible explanation of plot points :( 

in places this story will deviate (haha deviate) from canon. this allows me to weave my lovely little xk-100 model into scenarios that can help shape her personality for future installments. also, it gives me a chance to dabble with her interacting with minor characters that don’t get enough love!

if all goes well, i’d like to make this into a kind of ‘choose your own story’ type read bc i love me a good challenge and i want to give it the true d:bh feel. it’ll take a while to fan the options out but i’m a fast worker when inspired ;)

anywho, feel free to shoot me a message to ask me questions about this or give me suggestions! i’m also open to requests for now so hit me with your best shot, kiddos.

without further ado, enjoy!

[apolgies if this looks shit on mobile/anything really. i'll clean it up later :)]

—————

The first thing she felt was something clicking to the back of her head. Streams of code filled black vision: a start-up process. Lines upon lines of binary were read at a speed that was inhuman, registering her programming and purpose. Though a crucial process, the small camera watching her saw nothing of what was going on behind those white eyelids-- not even a twitch to signal that she was functional.

Then, narrow eyes flickered open, much like a light bulb turning on after years of no use. Pale irises were revealed to the room, intricate patterns of ice and frost weaved around her pupil. They were shadowed by a line of dark lashes, removing the possibility of deducing what she was thinking by way of looking into her eyes. Yet the contrast between the light and dark made her hold an aura of allure. Even he, someone who had prepared for her to look like this, was momentarily hypnotised. Nevertheless, a pang of discomfort was felt when his gaze finally fell to her static form. She appeared detached from the world -- cold. She would be perfect for her job.

From his seat, her overseer leant down to a microphone. “Can you hear me?” A male voice reached her sensors and the LED on the side of her head sprang to life, glowing a calming blue. Tentative eyes watched her through the camera. His heart rate increased when her LED began circling-- processing. This was make or break. They'd tried to make models like her far too many times before but failed; she hadn't looked intimidating enough, she couldn't make sense of her own complexity, her thirium pump hadn't been wholly compatible. God, he'd seen so many of her previous attempts shutdown before they were even able to speak.

Anxiety. Worry. Tension. “Yes. I can hear you.” All those emotions dissolved-- cascaded from his conscience like the most beautiful waterfall he could ever witness--  and he leant back in his chair, instead filled with relief. A sigh that could've praised God itself left him before he moved to look at the live feed of her again. She was completely unmoving-- no blinking, no twitching of her eyes, no breathing. Instead, she was waiting.

“What's your serial number and model name?” The worry rose in him again as his sight glanced to the tablet before him, filled to the brim with information on her. All his team's plans for her, her I.D. and registration codes, who she was going to be given to, her abilities, her materials-- all of it-- stored on one tablet. Everything had to be checked. She had to confirm that all of her components were functional. If she said one wrong thing, she would be deconstructed and analysed.

The android's voice was smooth and unwavering-- unaware of the pressure placed upon her. Perhaps one could describe it as scheming. Hearing it laid a blanket of unsettling calm across those around yet it was beguiling-- mysterious. “#572 236 091 – 31. My model name is XK-100.” Her expression still showed nothing. Good.

The robotic arms whirred around her and created gentle streams of wind as they welded white plastic parts together, ensuring that her body was sturdy; she needed to be as durable as possible. Two of them spun on their pivots to receive an arm-- already constructed and able to move when tugged in a certain direction and therefore, hopefully, functional. Rather than screwing it into place, it clicked as though it was a dislocated bone being fixed. When the arms let go of it, it hung at her side-- lifeless.

He wasn't lifeless, however. Oh, quite the contrary. Having been working on this project for near to seven years now, he felt like a little clap and chuckle wouldn't be deemed all too unprofessional. They'd been planning an android like this for almost a decade: an android who was capable of taking down an entire riot single-handedly if the need arose. Her team had programmed tiny aspects of her day in, day out. Many sleepless nights were spent animating her custom expressions, blueprinting the structure and materials of her frame, weaving code into her artificial mind. By admittance of the former CEO of CyberLife himself, she was perhaps the most intelligent android they had yet made-- and that was Kamski's words from years before. Now, if she didn't possess that whirling LED on her temple and her posture wasn't so stiff, people could peg her as more life-like than some humans.

He spoke again. She picked up on the thrilled waver to his voice and committed it to her short-term memory stores. “Move your head.” As asked, her head craned from one side to another-- eyes yet to follow the direction of movement naturally. Then, she stopped rather suddenly back at the centre. The camera swerved to the front of her and lifted itself to her eye level. “Now, move your eyes.” Her eyelids jolted into motion and she blinked erratically-- even her brows furrowed. He felt as though he was intently watching her trying to remove something from the surface of her eyeball; it was uncomfortable, yes, but inevitably natural. Then, her sight began to sweep across the sterile room, recognising the area as Manufacturing Room 2462-B in the CyberLife Tower. Blinking was rhythmic yet not too unnatural. She was beginning to appear more human. Uncomfortably so.

The team working on her understood that she would be some of CyberLife's best work but, from what he could gather, they hadn't expected her to look so... alive. At least, he didn't.

“Good. Now, tell me your introductory text.”

“Hello. I am a first generation XK-100 android. I am designed to assist Special Weapons and Tactics units in high-risk cases. Alongside being much more durable than humans, I am able to process and successfully predict reasonable outcomes for scenarios-- if given enough verbal or physical queues. I am familiar with S.W.A.T training programs and have an accuracy rating of 96% when in optimal conditions.”

Cases of deviancy had been on the rise and more and more police cases were being taken over by S.W.A.T units. Their only downfall was that they were a mainly human organisation, thus making it more and more difficult for them to track ever developing deviant androids. With her on missions, their success rates would soar-- or so the team who had made her hoped.

“My battery allows me to work autonomously for 212 years and I do not require food or water to survive. Due to the nature of my programming, I am required to make frequent reports to my higher-ups on the condition of my software and, every 2 years, I must undergo a renewal of my permit to bypass the 'American Androids Act, subsection 544-7'-- which allows me to carry weapons as long as I have human supervision.” Her speech paused for a moment and her overseer watched with baited breath. Had her vocals malfunctioned? They couldn't have. She wasn't supposed to stop speaking. Fuck, fuck, fuck! They'd almost had--

“Would you like to name me?” An exhale. Thank the Lord. Perhaps she was already developing mannerisms? She was designed to integrate into a team-- to be adaptable-- and humans didn't take well to stiff androids. It would help her fit in; they'd aspired for her to be like this yet she seemed to be learning quickly-- faster than they'd suspected.

Her other arm clicked itself into place before he spoke and pale skin began to bleed across her plastic body, coating her in practically human layers of pores and tones. Black hair sprouted from her scalp and flopped down into its default style: short, gently waved, and middle-parted-- convenient for her designated career yet not unfamiliar or strange to humans. She began to exude a strange type of stern attractiveness-- every colour that she possessed merging together to create an amalgamation of, what he could only say was, foreign beauty.

“Yes. Your name will be set to...” His eyes flickered down to the tablet before him, “Kassandra.”

Unnervingly, her icy eyes stared straight into the camera. It was as though she was maintaining eye contact with him. Then, her lips twitched somewhat before forming an ever-so-slightly lopsided smile. The smile was charming but seeing it painted across the features of a half-built android was concerning to him. It didn't put him at ease. Rather, his expression tightened. But he couldn't look away from her, seemingly caught in the frost that built in her irises.

“My name is Kassandra. I am pleased to meet you.”

He shivered. All his previous excitement appeared to have dissipated and nothing came through the speakers installed in the ceiling for a few moments. The camera was stationary, positioned before her. He almost felt a degree of sympathy for her; she-- Kassandra-- looked, sounded so... real. Out on the field, she would develop her own habits, her own ticks, her own sense of humour-- just like a human. Yet, her only goal was to detain people-- to kill, on occasion-- and he knew that would never change, no matter how alive she appeared. They programmed her to be like this. He programmed her to be like--

One of her legs were put into place, the socket being filled with an echoing 'clunk!' noise. Said sound made the overseer cough and return to his own mission, watching skin spread over her newly installed limb. She was simply an android. The morality of it all didn't need to come into the equation. “Can you move your arms?”

As Kassandra mindlessly followed his requests, new limbs being added and her programming being tested, he couldn't help notice her becoming smarter even here. Her gaze conveyed emotion-- enquiry, determination, amusement. She had begun to tap her fingers together while waiting for her next instructions. The LED on the side of her head would circle and flicker to yellow more often-- as though she took things into more consideration than the average android.

Finally, she stepped off of the podium. Bare feet padded across the sterile floor of the manufacturing room and paused to allow their owner to briefly scan the room. Now, she had full access to her files, his files, CyberLife's files-- everything. Her LED circled yellow once then returned to blue. She looked back to the camera. “What should I do now, Stephen?”

Stephen-- his name. God, she was analysing him and he wasn't even there. Kassandra likely knew where he was in the building, his age, his annual salary, the millions of possible things that he could do within the next few seconds.

Possibility #762: he turned his microphone back on and cleared his throat to hide his rising stress level. “The conveyor belt to your right will transport you to a specially designed loading bay. A small team of S.W.A.T members will pick you up and take you to your base of operation. You should be working under an... 'Allen'-- 'Captain Allen', so report to him as soon as you arrive.” There was a pause. The half-blue half-yellow LED on her temple was accompanied by a mildly confused expression. “Good luck out there, Kass. I'm glad you're finally functional.”

“I, too, am glad that I am able to move, unlike my predecessors.” Kassandra gave the smallest nod to the camera before leading herself to the conveyor belt. Behind the lenses of the camera, Stephen laughed-- the kind of tired laugh that came through your nose. For him, it was kind of like watching his really unsettling child go off to university, despite the fact that she'd only been operative for two hours at most. Maybe it was because he was one of the few constants in the team as they planned her out. Perhaps she'd already enraptured him with her strange, otherworldly charm. Either way, a sense of bittersweetness resided in his heart as he watched her pick her way into the outside world.

Kassandra took a mindless step onto the belt and it began to whir. “Goodbye, Stephen.” Click, click, click. Slowly, it lurched into motion, reeling her away from the room.

SEARCHING . . . . . .

       'Appropriate ways to say goodbye'

LOADING RESULTS . . . . . .

     i.   “I hope to see you again soon.”

       ii.  “Have a nice day.”

      iii. “Say 'Hi' to your kids for me!”

  iiii. “I'll miss you.”

Then, she disappeared from sight-- shipped off like trained-to-kill merchandise to that... Captain Allen guy. Stephen continued to stare at the camera for a small while, absently bringing his flask of coffee up to his lips and taking a long sip.

His lips pursed.

“I'll miss you too, Kass.”

[literalcreativeidiot]

Reset. || November 17th, 2018.

“So how’s Stink doing? I miss the little fart machine.”

“He’s fine. I’ve slowly but surely weaned him off your scent so he’ll be good eventually.”

“And Princess?”

“Wouldn’t have noticed you were gone even if I went blue in the face telling her about it.”

“That’s my girl!”

It wasn’t the first time the two—Maxine and Derrick—walked the halls of the Staples Center during an event to just have idle chatter and “shoot the shit” as it were. However, this time was different. There was a sense of comforting realization that had swept over them as they walked through the busy halls during this day.

Derrick had always had a ritual when it came to the Takeover events that came 24 hours before one of the marquee pay-per-views. For some reason, he didn’t know why, he always liked to come by and take in the atmosphere as a quasi-fan/member of the writing staff that was just there to watch the process unfurl. Gave him a new perspective and, of course, free access to catering and one of the lush seating areas to watch the show in peace without being annoyed. Weird quirk that came from him being a fan all these years that he’d wanted to take in a show in the most fully immersive way he could without being amongst the chatter. Method to his madness so to speak. This was also the first time the two of them walked the halls of an arena together since her departure.

They had talked it over for a while—her potentially leaving the company after her many years of service to go be part of something she always wanted to do. And when that opportunity came, she leapt at it, though not without a decent level of consternation. If before, she couldn’t dream of leaving then why did she jump on the first thing screaming out of town? Especially if it meant being away from her beloved. And why wouldn’t he create much of a stink about it and readily resign himself to them being, essentially, bicoastal in a long-distance relationship? Sketchy, but they never really shared the details with everyone.

“So how’ve you been? I know it’s been like...a month or so since you were out here and we haven’t really talked all that much because work but still. How are you?” Maxine said, folding her arms underneath her chest as she stood in front of him.

“Doing what I do best: working, listening to true crime documentaries and trying to figure out if I can finagle my way into tax exempt status.” Derrick joked, the corners of his mouth peeking up with a grin. “But for real, I’m good, though. Haven’t had an episode or drank too much to the point where I say too much about anything. Really, just taking shit one day at a time as per usual.”

“So basically you haven’t spiraled. That’s good to hear; makes me feel better and I don’t have to worry as much.” She said, sliding a strand of her hair behind her ear.

“I see how you dealt with things.” He said, reaching his hand out to swipe his fingers over the deep dark red-colored bangs that hung over her forehead. “Cutting your own bangs...again. Wise move.”

She shook her head vehemently as a means to move from his hand, letting out a laugh at his assertion. “What, I’m the only one who makes rash choices with their hair? I got annoyed, briefly, and did it, saw the result, freaked out for like fifteen minutes and then I decided the best course of action was to distract people from it by wearing low cut tops and tilting my head at different angles. Hats are the next option!”

“You can’t put a big floppy hat on everything and expect it to just not catch everyone’s attention. It doesn’t work that way.” Derrick responses with a chuckle, shaking his head.

“Try me, okay? It can happen.”

It was something that he admired in her, the irrational confidence she had that she could do and pull off mostly anything. Made it easier to shrug things off if and when they went awry and to celebrate when it went as planned. Method to the madness, as one would say.

“So how are things back over there? Neighbors haven’t noticed I was gone all that much?” Maxine asked as the two took a seat at an empty table in the concession area, far enough away so people wouldn’t be interrupting their conversation all that much.

“Things are fine; Halloween was a mess. One of the houses got tagged with the phrase, ‘I wouldn’t fuck her with Elvis’ dick’.” He stated, shoulders bouncing up and down as he tried to contain his laughter.

“Oh, God—was it the Johnson Twins?” She beamed with a laughter, reaching a hand out to rest on his forearm.

“Of course it was the Johnson Twins. They’re the only ones who would do something that incredibly dumb.”

There were a few beats of silence that was gradually getting drowned out by the typical mix of chatter that came from people congregating in the arena. It allowed the two of them to look at each other with seemingly pleasant expressions on their faces, taking the time to collect their thoughts.

“So….have you told anyone yet?” She asked after clearing her throat, turning her head and scratching the back of her neck.

“You mean outside of Dad, Melinda, Casey, and Kat? Nope. Not a single word. Not yet at least.”

“Derrick.” She chastised him playfully, giving him a look that could best be described as ‘what the fuck’.

“What?! I don’t need to tell everyone about everything. They’ll know when I feel the time in right.” He offered up a shrug, drumming his fingertips along the surface of the table. “Who knows; I could easily go into the New Year if I’m determined enough.”

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Maxine shook her head at his attempt at justification. She knew he had a knack for doing this sort of thing. Being evasive when he didn’t need to for reasons that were beyond her after all these years.

“So you’re just gonna not tell people that we haven’t been a thing for close to two and a half months and that’s why I moved to Burbank in addition to me getting this new job?”

“Yeah because I’m weird like that. And because I don’t wanna cause there to be speculation and hearsay. Y’know, typical high school nonsense that I’m too old for.”

The nonchalant nature of the two of them confirming their separation wasn’t exactly something shocking to either of them if the people who knew them well enough took it as any indication. Having seen each other and how they were after disastrous breakups, the fact that neither of them were on the verge of real self-destructive behavior was a sign to both of them that they were somehow at peace.

Like skipping all the prior stages of grief just to get to the acceptance stage.

“They’re gonna find out eventu—you’re totally planning on just showing up one day with a new girlfriend and act like it’s a Tuesday.” Maxine stated, remembering the last time he pulled that move back in their early twenties.

“It worked before. And as long as questions aren’t asked, it’ll work again. I know you don’t go to church but have faith.”

“Mister ‘I tell people I go commando at home’ isn’t gonna divulge who he’s been fucking? Who are you, and what have ya dun with muh Derrick?” Maxine said, peppering the last statement with the faux-concerned Southern Belle accent that caused both of them to laugh.

“What, you want me to just up and say the nitty gritty of everything? Give them the ol’ Inside The Actors Studio about my dating life? C’mon, Max.”

“I don’t mean give them the blow-by-blow analysis but yeah, tell folks so they’re not left wondering or assuming shit.”

“And to think, we could’ve signed NDA’s about this whole thing, Max.”

She shook her head in response with a laugh and a smile, noting that he really couldn’t turn that bit of charm off him even if he tried. They stayed silent for a few seconds, letting whatever laughter die down so they could ease their way back into conversation.

“....is it weird that I’m not feeling torn up inside about all of this?” She inquired, biting at the corner of her bottom lip as her eyes settled on his. It was as if she was doing her best to search in his eyes to find the answer she was looking for. Trying to get a read on him before he could say anything.

“I was gonna ask you the same thing. Makes me not feel as weird for not wanting to go into a breakup depression spiral. Is this how normal, functioning adults handle the end of their relationships?”

“No, most of them get into a bitter divorce battle that crippled them financially and makes them hate the person they professed to love in the eyes of the Lord.” Maxine answered with a shrug.

“Well, that’s a damn shame. For them anyway.”

To them, it was good that they were at least able to find a way to joke about this like it was a normal thing. It was a coping mechanism that they hadn’t grown out of since they knew each other and wasn’t something they were going to shy away from, especially during such a time of uncertainty between the two of them. Whatever small laughter there was between them had settled into another few beats of that uneasy silence most people would try to fill with witty banter or small talk.

“For the record, I’m not bitter or harboring resentment toward you.” Derrick begun to say, setting her head perk up to look at him as she had spent the last few moments blankly staring at her left hand. They never really wore their wedding rings outside of special occasions but they had both been feeling the nakedness of it not being on their ring finger for the past number of weeks. “I don’t hate you—don’t even think I’m capable of hating you. I mean if we were having this conversation six months ago, I think you and I would feel completely different than we do now and wouldn’t easily find our way to a comfort zone like we have.”

“Well, six months ago, there probably would’ve been a fight and both of us saying something we didn’t mean and accelerating the process by months instead of what we did: Try to navigate why we were feeling the way we felt until we came to the ultimate conclusion.”

“That that romantic love we once had and were running on—that flame burnt out when we weren’t looking. Sucks but it happens even if you try to stop it from happening.”

“We took the path less traveled. The one that didn’t lead into a belligerent shouting match on the front lawn of a house in a Long Island suburb. Guess that counts for something, huh?” Maxine rhetorically asked, face scrunched up with a small smile. She reached out to grab his wrist, flipping it over to reveal the matching tattoo they had gotten over a decade ago in correspondence to the one she had in the same area. Her thumb lightly grazed over the scar that his tattoo had been covering, biting at the corner of her lip. “You won’t be able to get rid of me all that easy; you know that, right? I’ll always be with you.”

“Wasn’t planning on it, Red.” He replied with a knowing smirk, uttering the same nickname he gave her when they first met. “Even though we live on opposite ends of the country, I’m still a phone call or text away. You know that. For anything: If you wanna talk about your day, tell me about some adventure you took in San Fernando Valley, boyfriend troub—well, no. Not boyfriend troubles. At least not yet; that’d be weird.”

She first responded with a laugh, shaking her head from side to side as her other hand covered her face slightly.

“No, I definitely won’t be calling you up to talk about boy troubles and likewise, I don’t think you’ll do the same with whatever girl or girls decide they wanna make your life hell. More postcards from places you visited, though. I liked the ones you sent over from Manchester. But yes, the feeling is mutual; one call or text away, like always.”

“Like always. Despite everything else, that? That won’t ever change, I promise.”

“Of course.”

They weren’t going to lie to each other. By the seemingly sudden (to people who knew them anyway) nature of their separation, things were going to change in their lives much like it did two years ago when they first got together and wanted to see what it all meant for them to give it the ol’ college try. But in the end, they found that they couldn’t fake it with one another long enough to “right the ship” as it were. In the end, it became the sobering wake up call the two of them needed.

He remembered the conversation as clear as day. Hell, they both did. A semblance of dancing around the fact that neither of them were feeling the same way they did before. That madly in love feeling had dissipated before their very eyes and they didn’t know how or what to do to prevent the slow moving avalanche from already gaining steam. Like most things, once the levees break, there’s no real chance at fixing the leak in the dam.

Tears flowed during that conversation, reminiscing about fun times they had had together that were fleeting quickly. And then, in relative silence, they worked to make the landing for each other as smooth as possible, the last vestiges of two people who loved one another beyond being husband and wife, the two best friends that had known each other for over a decade. It sucked but in many ways, for them, it was therapeutic more than anything else, really. Far more than they wanted to admit anyway.

They had both gotten up from their seats to embrace in a hug, quietly enjoying the close warmth of one another once more until they could see each other again in the future. She rubbed his back and shut her eyes, nodding as he kept his arms locked around her waist.

“You take care of yourself, alright?” Derrick uttered as he looked at her, hands resting on her hips. “If you need anything, just call.”

“Okay. I will. And you don’t worry so much. Don’t overthink shit and keep your head above the clouds, okay? Wouldn’t wanna have to straighten you up again.” Maxine uttered jokingly, shaking her head at him.

“I’ll replace all my worries with true crime factoids and even more useless information.”

“So more doubling down, eh? On brand behavior.”

With shared chuckles, they departed from their embrace—almost unceremoniously, really. There wasn’t really much for either of them to say afterwards; what was done is done and all they had left was to go on with the next phase of their lives. Her, heading to another part of the building, possibly leaving, and him going off to do his usually pre-show scrounging. And really, that’s how it had to be.

The reset button had been hit by the two of them, from once a couple back to the best of friends again, though there’s the not-so small wrinkle of the last two and a half years of their lives being so intertwined with one another. Whatever the case may be, things were different. They were different and they both went about accepting that as their immediate truth.

[the-irish-mayhem]

So. Thor 3.

My spoiler-free reaction:

Spoilery reaction beneath the cut. At times it devolves into an angry letter to Marvel. Lots of swearing and 6/10 sentence structure. 3/10 organization.

As per usual: + positives, +/- mixed, -negative

+ Solidified the headcanon that Thor is magical on his own without Mjolnir.

+ Valkyrie

+ Jeff Goldblum

+ Hulk didn’t take over the movie mostly.

+ Thor wasn’t 10000% Poptart!Thor as I’d feared.

+ HEIMDALL

+The solution to Hela was very reminiscent of the first Thor when he destroyed the Bifrost.

+/- Destruction of Asgard. Raises the stakes a bit, changes up the game in an interesting way. But it wasn’t done very carefully. Did they get EVERYONE out of Asgard? And that being said, are we supposed to expect everyone on the ship was all of Asgard’s residents? With a population that small, how did they manage such a commanding military presence?

+/- Loki. I liked that they pushed his craving for adoration and attention, but it was made the butt of a joke instead of really using Tom Hiddleston’s acting skills, which we know he has, to portray they depth of emotion and motivation he has. I’m not Loki’s biggest fan in general, but he has never felt flat as a character, and this movie he was flat as a pancake.

+/- The Odin!Loki reveal. It felt like the writers of Thor 2 had an idea of how they wanted to reveal Loki, but the revelation was done in like…… less than a minute and had just about no consequences. I liked that Thor was the one to figure it out, even though it wasn’t via his intuition. The way he did it was pretty clever as well.

+/- Hela. As a villain, she had some well-laid out motivations, but they weren’t carried through in the acting at all. Let Cate Blanchett act the shit out of Hela. Give her more dramatic character beats in an intimate setting. I get that they wanted a “comedy” but in all good comedies there has to be a moment when it’s not funny anymore. More on that later.

+/- I can’t remember the dialogue but when they were talking about going through the Devil’s Anus Thor was talking about the tech that would be needed to go through it and I just wanted to add a line that was like “Jane’s taught me well.” or some shit. Idk. But Jane rubbed off on him. He was talking in perfect Earth science terms.

–Where. The. Fuck. Are. My. Girls.

—–WHERE. ARE. THEY. HONESTLY THE RAGE IN MY BODY IS UNREAL.

———WHERE THE FUCK WAS SIF. Where in the fucking shitty ass hell is Sif. They couldn’t even be bothered to give her a mention? Like, you’ve got enough time to callously kill the Warriors 3 but you don’t have time to just give a lil update on where Sif is? Do you seriously care THAT FUCKING LITTLE about your female characters as integral parts of your storytelling? Who am I fucking kidding, of fucking course you don’t. Sif wasn’t an integral part of the story for them so they just dropped her and didn’t care to mention where she was. Fuck that shit. Fuck. That. Shit.

—They murdered every single one of the Warriors Three without a goddamn sendoff. Volstagg and Fandral might as well have been extras for all the care they were shown. Hogun got at least some moment in the sun, but still. Straight up murdered and there was zero time to mourn them. We were right back to cracking jokes a scene later. Thor didn’t even get a reaction to HIS BEST FRIENDS DYING? Those have been his friends for THOUSANDS of years, and yet we get nothing? What the fuck?????

-“Asgard as conquerers” is a great idea and all, but you can’t just pull that out of your ass without setting it up beforehand. There have been two movies where you could’ve put some cohesive worldbuilding together for Asgard and the realms, but nah. Nah, y’all just decided that a few throwaway lines would be puh-freakin-lenty to change the entire image of Asgard we’ve been fed for the last however many years. Like, if you wanna make Asgard conquerers, fine. The seeds were planted with Malekith (if you’d actually kept all of his material.) If you’d taken the damn time to sow those seeds, you’d have had a great basis to build Imperial Asgard upon. But you didn’t so we get a halfhearted attempt to convince the audience that Asgard Was Bad!!!!™

-Lack of Jane Foster.

-Frigga’s part in this history. Hela makes no mention of her mother. Where was Frigga during this. Is Hela her daughter? What was their relationship like? What was Frigga’s reaction when Odin locked her away? Why wouldn’t she have had a bigger reaction to Thor’s banishment if Odin had already done it to one child? Just because y’all killed her doesn’t mean you can just erase her from the story. I won’t let you. Jesus fucking christ.

- “Sorry Jane dumped you.” Go piss up a phone pole, Feige.

- “I dumped her. It was a mutual dumping.” Go piss up a phone pole, writers room.

-That’s the only time that Jane is ever mentioned. Fuck everything. Fuck you, Marvel. Fuck this shit.

-The stupid “cute awkward” way that Thor was talking about the Valkyries. It didn’t come across as complimentary at all. Especially that token “it’s about time” line they threw in there. That nearly made me see red. It felt like they were poking fun at the movement for more female heroes rather than honoring it. I did not like that at all.

-The “potential chemistry” moments between Thor and Valkyrie. She had more chemistry with Banner, tbh.

-That they reminded me at all that Bruce/Nat was a thing.

-That they reminded me that Age of Ultron was a thing.

-Dr. Strange cameo.

—-Lack of Jane Foster.

—-Lack of Jane Foster.

-This is the first (1st) Thor film that didn’t pass the fucking Bechdel Test. Unless you count the Grand Master’s guard telling Valkyrie that she’s “trash.” I don’t even think Hela and Valkyrie even exchanged words during their fight. Which… actually, that’s another point, I think.

-Valkyrie should’ve been given a huge moment in the sun fighting Hela and getting her revenge, even if she couldn’t be the one to beat her. I wanted that character catharsis and I didn’t fucking get it.

-A very weirdly put together final battle? It felt like they spent weird amounts of time on everything. Like, I can barely remember seeing Hulk fight Fenris even though that was one of the few things I was looking forward to?

—-Lack of Jane Foster

-The comedy was just…. not at all the right tone for this story. Not at all. It didn’t allow the drama of the storyline and the depth of these characters really shine through. It did a bit of flattening for everyone (Loki in particular, as I mentioned above) so the dramatic moments, dramatic character beats that should’ve hit us HARD did nothing for me.

-I can’t remember who said it. But the quote that I mention above about good comedies need to have a moment when it’s not funny anymore, and this just like…. didn’t have that. It seemed like it tried to have a few of those moments, but they were all undercut and lost their impact. I’m barely even mourning Asgard because they were so focused on it being a comedy that it doesn’t even seem tragic that it’s gone. It should be tragic!!!!!! I don’t care that “Asgard is a people, not a place” (WHICH IS LITERALLy– I need another point for that, oh lord.) There is NOT a lack of tragedy and dark stuff in the Ragnarok storyline, and they should’ve LET IT BE DARK AND TRAGIC. It would’ve resonated a hell of a lot more than “the hammer pulled you off?” Losing Mjolnir, even, should’ve been fucking sad. THIS ISN’T SUPPOSED TO BE FUN??? Idk man. This was my biggest beef. I don’t mind humor in Marvel movies. But this was just too much.

—–Lack of Jane Foster

-”Asgard is a people, not a place.” What the fuck, it so is a place? That’s the…. that’s the point of Yggdrasil? The world’s tree? or did you forget about that?? Same way you forgot about a lot of things from the first two movies? It’s a nice sentiment, but canonwise, pretty baseless.

- “She’s the god of death” says the guy who literally one movie ago said “we’re not gods.” Y’all can’t just retcon two movies of “we’re not gods” with this bullshit.

-Hela’s “power” is like…. less than unexplained. She draws it from Asgard? What? What power? Extra good fighting skills? Invulnerability? What?? WHAT??? Also, how? Like??? See this is why I need Jane Foster, because she’d science explain how all this nonsense works.

———Lack of Jane Foster

It’s just been…. so. soo. long. since I’ve enjoyed a marvel movie unconditionally. Tbt. I want to go back in time and tell Immediately Post Cap 2 Molly to just… not see another Marvel movie ever again.

[getalittlecountry]

Shape of You (2)

GUYS. I just love writing this. I’ve got an idea of where I”m gong and I cannot wait until all the drama and angst unfolds. Here’s chapter two. Thanks for the love =)

1

Chapter 2

We spent an hour hammering out the details. We got the story down, both of us telling it without faltering. He was right, that would be the leading story, the thing everyone kept asking us once we got to the house. So we made it real, believable considering I didn’t do anything but work and sleep. So we met at the book store, which of course would’ve been oh so romantic if I truly believed in romance.

As we sat there and talked I realized that Cassian wasn't horrible. I could’ve been his friend, before everything happened. Before I closed myself off. I could’ve laughed at his corny jokes and his stupid comments. I might have even been interested in him if the world hadn’t hardened me into this girl I barely recognized.

Cassian was actually sweet and charming. I had to remind myself a few times that he wasn't actually my boyfriend.

The waitress told us we were cute when she brought the check. Luke watched us the entire time, especially whenever Cassian would reach across the table and touch me. I didn’t fight it, I let his skin touch mine to get used to it. I had a feeling he was going to push the PDA things. I could already see how much of a challenge this was going to be.

“See the waitress already believes us,” he said as he paid for my coffee and his piece of cake. I fought him, I told him I could pay for my own food. But he told me it was the least he could do since he was about to making more money than he should’ve off of me.

We were standing outside the diner, awkwardly wondering how to say goodbye. I sighed loudly and then stood up straighter. I had let a bubble surround us while we were sitting at that table. Somehow I had forgotten my walls and Cassian’s charm and infuriating laugh got to me. I pushed it away and put up my guard once more.

“Okay so, I’ll pick you up Thursday morning at seven. It's like a three hour drive," I stood up and rolled my neck, "oh and uh. I know we just met. But thanks. You didn’t have to agree to this and I really. I really appreciate it.”

He gave me that crooked smile again, "don't worry Nesta. I'll make sure they believe you. You’ll get your money’s worth, even if I have to preform a ballad in your honor.”

I nodded, “right well be ready. We can’t be late.”

He gave me a wink and then we walked the opposite direction. I shook my head, my sisters would never believe I fell for someone as cocky and self assure as Cassian. And yet somehow it seemed to work. He was a pain in the ass, I could already tell. But there was something that made him likable. Something I would never admit to him. Not in a million years.

Maybe Rita wasn’t so terrible at picking them after all.

Again something I wouldn’t be telling her that anytime soon.

*-*

Thursday morning I showed up at seven on the dot and much to my surprise Cassian was ready. He was waiting in his driveway, wearing a hoodie and a dark pair of jeans. And sunglasses that hide his honey brown eyes from me. When I got out of my car to help him, I couldn’t help but laugh. He had three bags, whereas I only had one. He threw them into my trunk, surprised I was driving.

“Did you bring your entire closet for four days?” I asked as I fixed the bags so nothing would be sticking at a weird angle.

He shrugged, “I like options and I come prepared. What if we decide we need nice clothing's for an outing? Or what if I rip something? What if you stain something?”

I rolled my eyes, “right so you’re one of those people. I’m making a list. Over planning is on it,” I glanced at him as he watched me, “we’re going to spending most of the time in our bathing suits anyways. I hope you brought a few of those.”

His answering smile, even at this hour of the day, was gorgeous. He knew it too, because he watched me turn away as soon as it appeared, “don’t worry, I brought a few. But I’ve always been a fan of skinny dipping.”

I rolled my eyes, the second time in less than a minute. I had a feeling they would be stuck soon, “cocky and arrogant are actually making it to the top two spots on my list now,” I looked at him and he was still smiling.

“Well I haven’t started my list yet, darlin’. I guess we've got three hours to get to know each other," he yawned and took a sip of coffee, "first things first. I have to have coffee in the morning."

I looked at the cup in his hand and I couldn’t stop myself from answering his smile with one of my own, "of course you do. I didn't take you for a morning person."

He gave me that devil smile, "you don't look too chipper yourself there, Nes."

"It's seven in the morning. Of course I'm not chipper," I slammed the trunk shut and spun around on my heel, "and it's Nesta. I told you no fucking nicknames."

He wiggled his eyebrows as he got into the car, "yes ma'am."

"I'll take away $50 every time you call me something other than Nesta."

Cassian's smug smile made me want to scream, "it might just be worth it. You get this angry look on your face, you scrunch your nose and you glare. Honestly it's the most emotion you show whenever you talk to me."

I flipped him off, "because I hate nicknames okay? Just don't."

Cassian blew out a breath and let the conversation go.

We sat in silence until we made it to the highway. The music played softly in the background and I wondered what it would be like to actually go on a vacation like this with someone I truly loved. Someone I actually wanted my sisters to meet. I tried to pretend that was Cassian.

But it was hard since I didn't know much about him.

My mind wandered back to Feyre's second email. I told her I would be at the lake house by this afternoon. Her response was almost instantaneous like she was waiting for me to email her back. She said she had a very important announcement to make and she wanted me there.

"Nesta. You missed the exit," Cassian's voice cut through my thoughts.

"I know a different way."

I didn't. But I wasn't about to let him tell me the way to the house I had practically grown up in. I'd just take the next exit and hope to find the highway connected there as well.

I was grinding my teeth as I hit the gas pedal a little harder. I held the wheel in my left hand and tried to stop wondering if my sister was pregnant. Or worse if she had done something as crazy as gotten married already. I'd kill her if she hadn't told me that was the plan.

If I stopped thinking about Feyre I started thinking about Cassian. I stole glances at him. He was wearing his dark ray ban sunglasses, the aviators. Of course he would wear those. His hair was pulled back, but a few strand sat around his face. He was snoring softly, which made it easier to focus on assessing him.

I could've picked a worse fake boyfriend. Cassian had the looks and the charm. If he didn't have the job then we would just pretend he did too. After all this entire weekend would be one big lie fest. I sighed and took the next exit, getting back on where the GPS told me to.

I drove for almost an hour and a half while Cassian slept. My thigh burned and my back ached. But the worst of it all was the grumbling in my stomach. I bit my lip and looked at my boyfriend. I had to get used to thinking of him that way. Slowly I reached over and shook his shoulder.

"What? Oh sorry," he jumped in his seat, "did I fall asleep?"

I couldn't help but laugh, "yeah. I um. I'm starving are you hungry? We can stop somewhere for breakfast."

"A woman after my own heart," he reached over and grabbed my hand, "please find a diner. I love diner food."

I looked at our hands, noting the way he didn't let go. Instead he kept ahold of mine, running his thumb over the back of my hand gently. I smiled slightly, trying to tear down at least one layer that guarded me against him.

After a moment of silence Cassian looked at me. I held the steering wheel tighter. "What's your favorite color?"

"That's what you're wondering? Out of everything we need to talk about that's what your start with?"

He shrugged, "the little things matter the most. What if I bring you a towel in your favorite color? Everyone will believe it. Start small and the big things won't look as weird."

I rolled my eyes mostly because he was right. I sighed and pushed my hair out of my face, "green. But don't like light green. It's a dark green. Like grass in the summer."

Cassian smiled, "I'm fond of blue. But not any blue, steel gray blue."

I raised an eyebrow at him and then looked back at the road. I pulled off at the first sign that showed food and we found ourselves at a twenty four hour truck stop. Cassian held the door for me, his hand lingering on the small of my back. I pushed my sunglasses up onto my head as the waitress sat us at a booth beside the big window.

"So you work at a bookstore. What's your favorite book?"

"The ultimate question of every book lover ever," I let out a slow breath, "I have a lot of favorite books. I love fantasy. Give me dragons and demons and I’ll be happy. I love anything that has a girl who can save herself. I love a good plot, a good story."

His eyes held mine, "but you have a favorite."

I couldn't help but smile, "if I'm held at gunpoint and have to answer it would be Throne of Glass. But trust me the list is very long."

Cassian was quiet as he let me ramble. His eyes were wide, "that's the most excited I've seen you get."

I blushed, "I mean I work at a bookstore for next to nothing. Clearly I love books. I um. Yeah I just like to talk about books."

Cassian nodded, his fingers dangerously close to mine, "I'm a fan of fantasy myself. If I had to choose I would sway towards a good old classic like lord of the rings. The hobbit. Maybe some game of thrones."

My mouth fell open as the waitress interrupted us, "what can I get you to drink?"

"Coffee, black," Cassian's answer was automatic.

I sighed, "water please."

She nodded and then walked away. I looked back at Cassian. He was smiling, "you seem surprised."

"Rita made it seem like you didn't have any other interests than girls," I blushed as he kept smiling, "and from the way you look I assumed you spent all your time at the gym. Or staring in a mirror."

Cassian barked out a laugh at that. "Well sweetheart, I'm full of surprises."

I considered for a moment telling him about my dream. I didn't want to just work at a bookstore. I wanted my own. Or better yet I wanted my own bookstore featuring my own book. That was a dream that came after I left the town we were heading to. A dream born out of desperation for something new. Something completely mine.

But I didn't tell him, not yet. I still wasn't sure I would consider him my friend. There had to be a line drawn somewhere right? I couldn't cross it, this was a business arrangement. Nothing more, nothing less.

The waitress came back and gave us our drinks. Cassian fished an ice cube out of my glass for his coffee and then we each ordered. I got waffles and eggs, Cassian picking an omelet and pancakes.

"Okay so favorite book. Favorite movie? I'm a big animation fan. I love How to Train your Dragon and Big Hero 6."

I raised an eyebrow at him, "I have a nephew. So sue me."

I nodded, "I don't really watch a lot of movies. I like shows. Gilmore Girls. Buffy. Firefly. I'm just a closet nerd."

Cassian looked amused, "I like it. It's always the quiet deadly ones who look innocent that surprise you. Alright so what else should I know before the big introduction?"

"Well I'm sure they'll be thrilled to give you all the embarrassing baby stories. So I don't have to. Um. I like jewelry but old jewelry. So if they ask just say that. My feet get really cold when I sleep, so you can complain that I press them against you. I love to swim," my eyes lit up just thinking about four days at the lake with nothing to worry about.

Cassian was soaking up every word it seemed. I blushed, realizing I had told him more about me than I needed to, "what about you?"

He shrugged, "I like to read, I hangout with friends. I drink. I don't have a lot of hobbies, work keeps me busy."

"Work. Yes what do you do?" I asked causally.

"I run a gym."

This time I laughed, "of course you do. I shouldn't be surprised."

Cassian's answering smile told me he wasn't offended, "it's been in my family for years. It's good money and I'm my own boss. Plus I train people. It's not a regular gym though, it's a boxing gym."

"Do you train girls?"

"Of course."

I worried the inside of my cheek watching him watch me. I hadn't been able to protect myself that night. It had been dark and I couldn't see and Tomas had the upper hand. He had been stronger, he had been faster. Maybe Cassian was the answer I had been looking for.

"Who hurt you?" He asked softly.

His voice was so quiet I barely heard it over the pounding of my heart. His fingers finally found mine. The moment he touched me I felt myself come back to reality.

I let him take my hand, the warmth spreading through me and chasing away the nightmare that had come. I let out a slow breath and pushed down the tears. I shook my head, afraid to speak for a moment. I had to put the wall back up. I had to force myself to stop letting him in.

Because once he found a crack in my armor he would hurt me the same way Tomas had. He would use me and then rip what was left of my bruised heart into pieces I could never put back together again.

"No one," I whispered as I sat up straighter, "we don't have to always touch, Cassian. It'll be weird if we do. My sisters know I'm not very.... big on cuddling."

Cassian picked my hand up and kissed the back of it, "well get used to it sweetheart. Because when I'm dating someone, I want everyone to know."

Our food came and Cassian pulled away. The waitresses smiled and we started eating in silence. After the first bite Cassian reached over and took a piece of waffles. I glared at him, hitting his hand with my fork.

"I don't share."

His eyes sparkled as he put the food in his mouth, "well lucky for you, sweetheart, I do."

I stuck my tongue out at him and he laughed again. The sound was so foreign to me. It was deep and rich, like it came up from deep inside his soul. Like he saved it only for the important people in his life.

Somehow we fell into conversation again. No matter how hard I tried not to, Cassian could make laugh with every story he told. And he told me a lot of stories. By the time breakfast was over I felt like I actually knew him.

Cassian paid again. I grumbled and insisted I leave the tip. I didn't want his charity and he rolled his eyes, telling me this entire weekend seemed like a charity case to him. I stuck my tongue out again, childish I know. But I had nothing else to get him back with.

When we stood up to pay at the counter, he grabbed my hand. I didn't flinch, I didn't falter. I let him hold my hand, his fingers lacing through mine. Twenty four hours ago I would've hated this. And yet somehow I was letting myself buy into our story.

I made a mental note to remind myself not to lose reality. But for the moment, for the next four days I wanted to believe in us, in this, as much as I wanted my sisters to believe in it too.

Maybe this weekend wouldn't be terrible. Maybe, just maybe I had found someone who could make my sisters believe there was someone out there willing to love someone as hard and cold as me.

[pandamxnium]

Piece of Mind on One Evil, Dark Lord

Um, okay so I’m seeing so many posts saying things like “Voldemort should’ve thrown Harry out of a window” or “should’ve payed attention in class instead of kidnapping people for information” or “if I were to make horcrux, I’d make rock into one and throw it into the sea”. But you people are forgetting SO. MANY. THINGS.

1. Yeah, he could’ve thrown Harry out of the window BUT. Killing curse was known to be foolproof method of killing.

“There’s no counter-curse. There’s no blocking it. Only one known person has ever survived it, and he’s sitting right in front of me.” -Barty Crouch Jr. disguised as Mad-Eye Moody about Harry Potter. Goblet of Fire, chapter fourteen, page 191.

Now, my fellow fans, why would a wizard, with this seemingly perfect method avoid using supposedly easiest and foolproof method? Why would a wizard loathing muggles use muggle way of killing when there’s a spell that never failed before?

2. Tom Marvolo Riddle was a model student, I could probably whip out few quotes to support that but I’m lazy, don’t have all books in English and am writing this while I should be studying cause damn, those things are bugging me a lot. Now, I’m pretty sure a model student would know pretty much most of what was covered during his education at Hogwarts. Plus like… hell lot of extra stuff not required from students. He spent so many years gaining knowledge after Hogwarts too. Point two… wandlore for one is not covered by teachers at Hogwarts from what we all know (someone correct me if I’m wrong). Also, wasn’t there something on Pottermore about how little knowledge there is available on wands? Heck, even if some random library would have a detailed section on wands, Dark Lord and the main evil one would not be able to just walk in there for his little study. So who to turn go? Experienced wand maker. Raise your hand if you can imagine not-so-good ol’ Voldy discussing wands with Ollivander over cup of tea? No one? Anyone? Yeah, thought so. Plus c'mon guys… kidnap Ollivander and you’re sure no one will know what you’re looking for. Get all the info and let him free? He’s bound to let someone know.

3. Now, horcruxes… vessels for piece of a soul, created by dark, dark magic. Bounding soul to earth. We don’t know much on the topic. What we do know is that: > After death, owner remains on earth in some form that can possess other beings and creatures. > It’s not easy. > There’s still more to that rather than just possessing someone. Otherwise Voldemort would be able to posses Quirrel and not bother with getting his body back. That clearly didn’t happen so it’s deeper than that. > Fourth book, Voldy is existing as this weird, weak baby like form. Feeding on Nagini’s venom. Requiring complex potion and ritual to gain his body back. I’m not 100% certain, but I’ve read somewhere that he himself created big portion of this spell/ritual/potion. And I don’t mean a random fanfiction, but a Wikipedia style website, that should hold at least somewhat reliable information.

To the point… I doubt one could just create random horcrux, throw it out and forget about it’s existence. What I would expect is that there is a third way, requiring having an actual piece of someone’s soul to bring them back in case they die. After all, each time voldemort almost or actually returned, a piece of his soul was present. Back of Quirrels head. Diary with soul piece draining life from Ginny. A shard of soul in the baby-like body. Conclusion: If you die when having a horcrux, it’s worth to know, or have someone else know where that horcrux is. No throwing rock-horcrux in the sea.

Oh oh.. Also personally I can’t imagine someone like Voldemort, with a lot of pride in his magical background and powers, from environment where he barely had anything, picking a random set of objects. Not to mention that it’s one’s own soul we’re taking about. I’d pick something special, with a meaning too. (Also, what’s better for flipping a big fuck you at people, and showing power over them than using heirlooms of powerful, respected wizards? Have I mentioned that many would probably be very reluctant to destroy SO valuable items?)

That’s all I recall that I wanted to cover for now, there might be more. Yes, Voldemort is evil and shouldn’t be left to freely exist and kill. Yes, he’s insane. Yes, world is better without him existing for everyone in Potter universe. That doesn’t change he’s a genius, one of the most powerful wizards.

Yeah, I can also be wrong about many things and am open to discussion. So I guess if anyone sees this, and is bothered to read it, feel free to add on? Argument against my points? Discuss cause I’m curious what you all think.