#like any second now a publicist is gonna appear and tell me i need to post an apology

[amanedachi]

tennessine / rookie

Part of LoL Esports Elemental Series.

[crackheadgeminibby]

better for you

pairing: chris evans x female!black!reader

warnings: age gap, angst, language

word count: 2.7k

a/n: this lowkey sucks and is very poorly edited, i’m sorry but on the plus side, i surpassed 400 followers yesterday!! so thank you to those 400+ people🤍🤍

i do not consent to my work being copied in any way, shape of form or reposted on any other platform

not my picture

You didn’t consider yourself a jealous person. Much less a jealous girlfriend. Not at all. Never had and you thought you never would.

You had practically raised yourself as your parents had always been more preoccupied with their jobs. You loved your parents, you really did, but when your high school counselor told you that you could graduate high school a year and a half early, you took the opportunity to start college immediately and move out of your parents’ house. This drastic change when you were so young made you become extremely independent. Which is why your relationship with Chris worked almost perfectly. You valued your independence, as he did his, and you respected his independence, as he did yours.

As a corporate lawyer that had multiple firms around the country, you traveled a lot, needing to meet with clients. Chris, as an actor, also traveled a lot.

You both trusted the other without a doubt at the beginning of the relationship despite that Chris was, at first, a little wary of being with someone as young as you. As a 24-year-old, he thought that you should be living your life, partying, sleeping with whomever you wanted without being tied down, but you had explained to him that despite your age, those were not the things that you wanted.

You and Chris were truly made for each other, knowing the other more than they knew themselves. You would even dare to call yourselves soulmates.

Which is why you could not fathom why you were in your current situation.

You had left early in the day for California, where you were overseeing the opening and start-up of your newest firm. Chris, on the other hand, had left 3 days ago to go on some trip his publicist had arranged for him. You hadn’t bothered asking what it was about, assuming that it was about ASP. Plus, you didn’t mind it: he had to do what he had to do.

But now, you couldn’t believe yourself.

You were sitting on your hotel bed, in a white and fluffy robe, fresh out of the shower. Your computer was open in front of you, the TV was blaring the news and you had your phone in your hand. It was almost 11pm but you had been doing this for at least 3 hours. All three electronics were talking about the same thing: Are Chris Evans and Lily James dating??

It was a bit your fault that people gave themselves the right to assume things like that, to be honest, since you had been the one to pressure Chris about keeping your relationship secret. You knew that people would talk and judge you for your 15-year age gap. You, personally, didn’t care and neither did Chris but his career was dependent on his public image and you didn’t want to hold him back, especially not at a pivotal moment in his life like right now.

So, you had agreed on telling your families and your very close friends and Chris had convinced you to let him tell his publicist, Megan. God, she fucking hated you. When Chris arranged for you guys to meet, she had called you “a walking, breathing PR disaster”. You had laughed it off calling her funny, but you knew that she was 100% serious. You really shouldn’t have been surprised that she would do something so fucked up at some point.

A bunch of different news outlets were pumping out new stories every 30 minutes, each article a little more detailed than the previous. It was all over the Internet and it seemed to be the only thing that people cared about today.

Considering the 8-hour difference between London and San Francisco, you hadn’t been able to talk to Chris at all since you got to your hotel. You weren’t even sure if you wanted to talk to him. He hadn’t even tried to talk to you. Why was he avoiding you and acting like he had something to hide?

You’re reading the latest Daily Mail article on your computer about how Chris and Lily apparently got to his hotel in the same car when you hear your phone ring on the nightstand. You don’t even bother looking at the caller ID as you reach for your phone, eyes still glued to your computer and answer,

“Hello?”

You hear a loud exhale on the other end of the phone before you hear Chris’ tired voice, “Baby, hi.”

You tense up slightly before asking, trying to seem nonchalant, “What’s up?”

“Have you watched the news today?”

You bite your lip, thinking, before replying, lying through your teeth, “No, why? What’s going on?”

Chris sighs again before answering, “Nothing, it’s fine. How was your day?”

You roll your eyes. Was he seriously not going to say anything?

“Fine, but it’s really late and I have to get up early tomorrow so good night.”

You hang up the phone before Chris can answer anything. You throw the phone at the end of your bed, frustrated beyond belief.

You continue to read the Daily Mail article as you hear a message coming in. You don’t bother to get up to pick up your phone as you see the message appear on your computer screen a couple of seconds later.

chris💙, 11:01pm:

Good night baby girl. Good luck tomorrow🤍

You groan loudly at his message. Even when he had pissed you the fuck off, his words still brought butterflies to your stomach.

You disregard his message and finish reading the article. You roll your eyes as you close your computer and get up to put it on the hotel desk. As you’re walking back to bed, you take your phone from the end of the bed and put it on its charger, ready to go to bed.

You’re not sure how you manage to fall asleep that night as your mind swirls with unending thoughts.

When your alarm wakes you up at 6am the next day, you feel groggy, having slept very badly last night. Which was to be expected.

You get up and change while eating a protein bar before heading to the hotel gym: you needed to do something to get your energy up. Once you finish your workout, you head back to your room to get ready for the day.

When you get out of the shower, you open your computer and, having left the Daily Mail website open last night, you see a new article posted 2 minutes ago: Chris Evans and Lily James seen on a date in a London park.You groan loudly, closing your computer as you hear that your cell phone is receiving multiple texts.

You reach for your phone on the hotel desk and your eyes widen as you see your lock screen.

5 missed calls

12 messages

You open your Phone app seeing one call from Chris, two from your best friend, one from your brother and one from your mom.

You open the Messages app as a new message from your brother comes in.

will, 7:31am:

When did you break up with your boyfriend? And why didn’t you tell me?

you, 7:32am:

i didn’t

yet

will, 7:32am:

You know i’m gonna fucking murder him right?

You smile fondly at your brother’s concern, chuckling softly as you type your reply.

you, 7:33am:

as you should(:

You open the rest of your messages, mostly asking the same thing. You didn’t feel like talking about it anymore so, you ignore them until you get to your conversation with Chris.

chris💙, 5:22am:

Hey, I’m sure you’ve seen the articles by now.

I’m so sorry

Call me when you can, please. I really need to talk to you.

You bite your lip as you think about what to answer. You didn’t have the energy to deal with this right before your firm’s opening. Shaking your head, you lock your phone, putting it back on the desk, getting dressed.

As you get back to your hotel room, exhausted from your day, you hear your phone signal an incoming text for the millionth time today.

You sigh loudly: you knew it was Chris texting you again. You had been ignoring his texts all day because you didn’t want to get in a bad mood while you were opening the firm.

You put your purse and work bag on the floor, unlocking your phone. You open the conversation with Chris, scrolling through his messages.

chris💙, 6:15pm:

I’m leaving a bit earlier than I planned, I should be home tomorrow morning.

Are you back in Boston or are you gonna stay in LA?

You sigh, feeling guilty that you had been ignoring his texts all day. You start typing a reply, your finger hovering over the send button for a couple of seconds before clicking on it.

you, 6:17pm:

i’m still in san francisco i’m leaving tomorrow morning

As soon as your message goes through, you see the three dots pop up in the conversation.

chris💙, 6:17pm:

Oh my God, hi. Are you okay?

Can I call you?

You chew on your bottom lip: you really didn’t think he was going to answer that fast.

you, 6:18pm:

i’m about to take a shower then i’m gonna go to bed i’m really tired sorry

chris💙, 6:18pm:

Okay, I’m sorry

Good night

You groan loudly. You really didn’t know why you felt so guilty: he was the one running around with another woman. As you think about this, you realize that you didn’t really know who she was.

You shake your head at yourself as you pull up Google on your phone and look for her. You don’t even realize it but, 20 minutes later, you were now at the oldest post on her Instagram.

You curse at yourself, dropping your phone on your bed, and head to the shower.

You stay under the hot stream of the shower for at least an hour before you finally get out, toweling off.

You order some room service for dinner, settling down in front of a random show playing on the TV. After pushing your food around for half an hour, you sigh loudly, put the tray on the hotel desk and get under the covers before finally falling asleep.

You had not slept very well so you had been in a rush to leave the hotel and catch your flight to LAX in the morning. You were exhausted and hungry when you got to your shared LA home with Chris but there was no food in sight, considering that neither of you had been here in a couple of months.

As it was not too late in the day, you decide to take a nap and order some food after.

When you wake up a few hours later, the sun has already completely set and the house is pitch black. You rub the sleep out of your eyes and take your phone before heading to the living room to order some food.

As you enter the kitchen and are about to head to the living room, you hear a deep voice, “Hey, you’re up.”

Taken by surprise, you throw your phone in the direction of the sound and scream, “Holy shit!”

“Ow… What the fuck?”

You’re breathing heavily, clutching your chest as you turn on the kitchen lights, brightness illuminating the area as you see Chris holding the side of his head.

“Jesus Christ, Chris! You almost gave me a fucking heart attack!”

Chris rubs at his head as he looks towards you. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Your heartbeat starts to slow down as you roll your eyes.

“What are you even doing here?”

Chris frowns and replies, “Well, you never told me where you were going to be but when I got back to Boston and you weren’t there, I assumed you were coming here.”

You groan silently, crossing your arms over your chest and raising your eyebrows,

“So, London seemed to be very fun.”

Chris shakes his head, looking up at the ceiling, before making eye contact with you, “I didn’t know that’s what the trip was about.”

You chuckle humorlessly, “Really, Chris? Since when do you go on trips, not knowing what they’re about?”

Chris exhales loudly, taking a couple of steps towards you, “I promise that I didn’t know. Megan planned everything and just sent me the info.”

You snort loudly, rolling your eyes. Chris frowns before asking, “What?”

“Megan, Chris? Really? She fucking hates me, of course she would pull a stunt like this.”

Chris frowns again, shaking his head, “What are you talking about? She doesn’t hate you.”

You laugh, this time, actually finding this funny, “Chris, she literally called me a walking disaster.”

Chris struggles to find an answer to that: he knew that Megan used this exact kind of formulation so he couldn’t deny it.

“And you know what? It’s fine. Maybe you really should be dating her instead of me.”

Chris’ face contorts in a mix of hurt and anger, “Why the fuck would you say something like that?”

“Because it’s true, Chris. She’s better for you. She’s actually your age, not a fucking child compared to you. She can give you the things you want from life that I can’t. Maybe it’s better that way.”

“What way?”

You shrug your shoulders, looking at your feet, mumbling, “If we weren’t together.”

Chris scoffs, “You literally have to be kidding me.”

Chris takes large steps, making his way towards you and takes your chin in his hand, forcing you to look at him.

“Y/N, I’ve told you before and I will tell you again. I do not give a shit about your age. And I thought you didn’t either. So, what’s the problem here?”

You bite your bottom lip nervously, “Because what if what Megan said is true? I mean… If people find out that we’re dating, the shit talking would never stop. I can’t do that to you.”

Chris sighs, enveloping you in a hug.

“Baby, it doesn’t matter. None of it matters if we’re not together.”

He lets you go, stroking your cheek, “You’re it for me. There is no one better for me than you. And no one is going to take that away from us. Not you. Not Megan. And certainly not my fans. If they love me as much as they say they do, then they’ll respect you.”

You chuckle slightly, “Chris, I don’t know what kind of fantasy you live in, but in real life, that’s not how things go.”

“Okay, but who cares? There’s two people in this relationship, you and me. Not you, me, Megan and my fans.”

You scoff, mumbling, “Yeah, tell Megan that.”

“I will. The same goes for her. I didn’t know she actually meant those things about you and I’ll tell her that she needs to knock that shit off.”

You sigh, nodding slightly, “Okay.”

“And, baby, I’m sorry.”

You furrow your brows, trying to understand, “I never should have agreed to Megan’s little plan thing. But, most importantly, I should have told you as soon as I knew. It’s just that I kinda owed Lily a favor and she needed this. But it doesn’t erase the fact that I should have been honest with you and I’m sorry I wasn’t.”

You sigh, “I know, it’s okay. I knew this kind of thing could happen when I decided to be with you, and I overreacted a bit so I’m sorry too. I knew it wasn’t true and I should have asked you about it instead of ignoring you. I just… couldn’t let go of the fact that maybe you should be with her.”

Chris shakes his head, “I shouldn’t. And I never will be.”

Chris laughs a bit before continuing, “Sorry, but you’ll have to try harder to get rid of me.”

You laugh loudly, throwing your head back. Looking back at Chris, you smile warmly before hugging him,

“I love you, Chris. Like, a lot.”

Chris chuckles, squeezing you tighter, “I love you too.”

[newtonsheffield]

On the note of your latest headcanon about Edwina, I really feel like she and Anthony should have a heart to heart at some point. So Anthony knows that Edwina really approves of Anthony, because he sees the Kate Eddie has always seen - the beautiful, brilliant, head-strong Kate people have overlooked for years. Just something for you to possibly write about. :)

Hello again! I agree that Eddie and Anthony need to have a little chat! Edwina loves Kate just as much as Kate loves her and it is my firm opinion that if that Mischievous little bee hadn’t intervened and Anthony had actually had the idiocy to propose to her, Edwina would have cackled in his face and let out a very confused “...No?” and I feel people often forget just how astute Edwina is. 

Someone else was also interested in seeing a little more of our girl, Eddie!  

Anon asked: I loved the hc from Edwina’s pov do you think you’ll do any more? Like how she views Kate and Anthony’s relationship or something? Yes! I am doing some more Edwina! And I’m glad you liked her! 

Let’s see what Edwina has to say about Anthony Bridgerton dating her sister!

Edwina Sheffield had known Anthony Bridgerton since she was a teenager. She’d sat in her dormitory at university on more than one occasion and listened, biting her lip to keep from laughing, as he begged his sister not to get arrested at a women’s rights protest.  “El, I just don’t want you to get in trouble. I’m very proud of you for standing up for your beliefs but do you think this is the best way to do it? If I have to bathe your eyes in milk one more time I swear to god, Eloise-” but Anthony had been cut off as Edwina lost her battle to contain her laughter. Anthony had spun towards her, a fairly incredulous look on his face and Edwina had said 

“You just remind me so much of my sister, I should really introduce you to Kate sometime.” And Anthony had said pointedly staring at his sister. “Well given that you’ve never been arrested, Edwina, Kate must be very sensible.” 

Of course, then he’d met her sister Kate and decided quite the opposite. Edwina had been at a charity gala for something or other that her publicist had begged her to attend when Anthony had sidled up beside her and said  “Edwina Sheffield, you’re in rather a lot of trouble.” Edwina had laughed spinning towards him a little surprised and said  “Anthony, you haven’t scared me since I was 18 and I realised that under all of this bravado, you’re just a big softie.” Anthony had huffed a little indignantly and said  “ How did you never tell me that your older sister is an absolute menace?”  Edwina had laughed still more, he curiosity to hear Anthony’s side of the story getting the better of her a little.  “And what did my menace of a sister do to you?” She said, watching Anthony carefully as he told his story,  his eyes wide with disbelief but not exactly angry, and certainly not the hatred he was trying to convey. Edwina clucked her tongue tapping her fingers against the side of her champagne glass.  “Well, I’m very glad she put my birthday gift to good use.” Anthony’s mouth dropped open in surprise and Edwina continued leaning in a little conspiratorially “And by the way, Kate told me you were an insufferable arsehole so you might want to work on that if you want to woo her.” And Edwina walked off leaving him spluttering behind her  “I don’t want to woo her!” He called out though Edwina privately thought that was exactly what he wanted. 

Anthony’s birthday party was in full swing when it happened. Colin and Eloise had been secretly topping up Anthony’s drink for hours and he was certainly more than a little buzzed. Edwina watched on laughing with Eloise as Kate swatted Anthony’s hands away, shaking her head at her boyfriend attempting valiantly to carry on her conversation with Daphne as he whispered in her ear. And then Anthony caught sight of Edwina, and his eyes widened  “Edwina Sheffield I want to talk to you!” Anthony yelled, roughly shoving his way towards her, his words slurring a little, as he flopped into the seat next to her that Eloise had just vacated. His eyes a little glazed as he stared into her eyes, Edwina bit back a laugh at her sister’s boyfriend, normally so proper, desperately trying to tell her something. “ I want to tell you something, Edwina it’s very important.” He said, nodding a little, Edwina tried to keep her voice serious as she spoke. “What is it Anthony?”  “I love your sister.” He yelled in her ear and Edwina’s heart clenched a little. Because honestly, as if she doubted it. It was as plain as the nose on his face, and the fact that he’d sought Edwina out just to say this, was... well it was really very sweet.  “I know you do, Anthony.” Edwina said smiling softly. Anthony’s eyes widened even more.  “No, Eddie, you don’t understand. I LOVE her. And I just want you, and your mum to like me because if you don’t like me, I don’t think Katie’s gonna love me anymore.” He said seriously, still slurring his words. And Edwina’s heart clenched again truly glad for her sister having found this very kind, clearly very besotted man. Before she could reassure him Anthony was distracted, bless him, by Kate’s arrival. “Oh my God, Eddie here she is, Here’s Kate! I Love Kate!” He yelled, leaping up to wrap his arms around her sister burying his face in her hair. Kate sent Edwina an apologetic look though she could barely keep the soft smile from her face as she ushered Anthony away. 

The next morning Edwina sat at the kitchen table calmly eating a bowl of cereal when Anthony shuffled out looking very much worse for wear. His hair was disheveled, his eyes a little bloodshot, moving very carefully wincing every few steps. “Well there’s sleeping beauty.” Edwina smirked, Anthony gave her what she assumed was the closest thing to a sarcastic look he could manage this morning. “Kate’s out for a run.” She explained. Anthony nodded, wincing again. “Remind me to kill Colin and Eloise when I see them next.” He said, his voice a little hoarse. Edwina chuckled,  “I’m afraid I can’t do that. You were very entertaining, I think Drunk Anthony is my idol.” She said lightly, laughing at her sister’s boyfriend as he looked wearily at her. “How bad was it?”  Edwina hummed “How bad would you say attempting to grope Kate in front of your mother was?” Anthony’s mouth fell open “To Violet’s credit she was barely ruffled.” Anthony dropped his head in his hands, groaning. Edwina bit her lip, maybe now wasn’t the best time but she might not get another chance. 

“You also had something very interesting to say about Kate to me.” Anthony’s head shot up, alarmed. Edwina continued quickly, her voice placating  “It was very sweet, don’t worry. You told me that you loved her, and maybe that you desperately wanted me and Mum to like you? Is that True?” Anthony’s eyes were wide.  “I love your sister, Eddie. And I know we haven’t been together very long but-” His voice was soft, beseeching almost and Edwina’s heart clenched at the honestly in his voice.  “Anthony,” she said cutting him off softly. “Mum and I know that you love Kate. I’m honestly not sure how you could not see it. And I’ve waited a very long time for someone to see the incredible person that Kate is. She’s so beautiful, and strong and smart, and kind. And I could not be more glad that that person is you.” Edwina couldn’t stop her voice from cracking a little as Anthony stared at her, his eyes glazing over slightly more. He cleared his throat carefully before he spoke “I think she’s the most incredible person I’ve ever met.” His voice was soft, Edwina felt a warm feeling spreading through her chest.  “I know you do. But if I’m wrong about you, and you hurt her. I’ll kill you myself, Anthony Bridgerton.” Her voice firm, Anthony’s eyes widened in surprise, he made to respond but stopped suddenly as the front door opened, Kate appearing second slater, a light sheen of sweat on her forehead, slightly out of breath. 

“Oh rise and shine honey, how’s your head?” Kate said, grinning, leaning down to kiss Anthony’s cheek. He huffed. Edwina Smirked

“I was just filling prince Charming in on his exploits last night.” She said lightly. Kate laughed again, as she made her way further into the kitchen, pouring two bowls of cereal.  “Did you get to the part where he told Francesca how much he loves shower sex? because that’s my favourite part.” Kate said, smirking, as a look of Absolute horror spread over her boyfriend’s face. 

This really went on for too long. I’m sorry         

[lizacstuff]

Liza that 3rd fragman 👀 "if I was born a 100 times I'd fall in love with you everytime" Eda saying this is their last obstacle and nothing can separate them, serkan's "I'll be right back, close your eyes I'm here" If this isn't all a red flag for shits about to hit the fan then I don't know what is LOL (but also how cute to Edser look and them telling each other they love each other very much 😭😭😭)

That fragman is both the SWEETEST and the MOST OMINOUS thing I’ve ever seen. ALL AT ONCE.  

Friends... we’re gonna go through some things.  That being said, everything is going to be great. These writers have been solid so far, and I have faith they have come up with something really interesting to increase the longevity of this show. And I don’t know about you, but I’m prepared to go through some things if it means keeping Eda and Serkan for longer.  (I heart them)

This show is about Eda and Serkan and their love story, at it’s core it’s a comedy, it will all lead to happy things, but... yeah, buckle up! 

I have a lot of asks both about the fragman and last ep, so I’m going to answer a bunch under the cut. 

Anonymous said: The fandom theories about episode 28 have gotten so wild that I literally think the most shocking thing would be if they actually got married and were not separated (emotionally or physically). What if the earlier painful episodes were to make us believe that things couldn't possibly go right in 28 and it's a reverse psychology trick?

You could be right!  I like your thinking. I checked on twitter and I had to back away slowly. The juvenile temper tantrums were too much for me today.  

Look, I think it’s clear something big is coming. It has to, there has to be something that shakes up the show. Some of the theories are more upsetting and catastrophic than others, but the writers won’t do anything that dings either character or their love for one another.  Whatever happens will showcase the connection between these two and the chemistry between the actors, that’s the point of everything, and anything that does those things is gonna be a-okay with me. 

@jan31​ Hi Liza. Do you think we are going to see the wedding in 28 or they will leave it on a cliffhanger for next week. Lots of theories going round mainly cos of Neslihan saying new dimensions coming in episode 29, which could just mean married life etc. I have seen suggestions of memory loss, it's all a dream since episode one. I would personally love Eda to wake up like in episode one but for it to be a total turn around and she is the boss and Serkan the employee. Eda being robot yildiz appeals to me!!! I know it will never happen but leave me here with my dreams!!

I started the day at 90% sure they’ll be married in 28/29, but now I’m down to like 30% that they’ll get married in these episodes. I really, really want them to get married before whatever happens happens, because every scenario I can think of for this reset or starting again, seems like it would be better if they were married.  

However, the shooting spoilers from today, make me question that. Namely the videos where Hande appears to still be wearing the ring on her right hand. We shall see, that could be for many reasons. 

Honestly, though, I wouldn’t hate a memory loss storyline. Seeing one of them (and Serkan’s line in the trailer makes it seem like it might be him) lose their memory and have to fall in love all over again? There are worse fates for a shipper than getting to experience that all again but in a different way.  

Anonymous said: Your response to the fandom drama anon was so good, it's exactly how I feel. While I don't know what the old posts that were like are (that's shady as fuck) I did see all the other drama go down and wow. The actresses def need to stay in their lane and some of the fans, hoooo boy, it's obvious they're young based off their reactions alone. Had to unfollow some people once I realized what they were like. Also some of the IRL shipping reminded me of col*fer stuff, reading into everything and blowing it out of proportion (which then gets picked up by paps....). But you're right in that at least the show related drama is tame compared to OUAT. But still, people being too careless even while they know the paps see everything and harass Kerem and hande (omg did you see the video of hande the other day stopped in the van and she looked so overwhelmed 😔)

You’re referencing this post here about yesterday’s drama. 

Today Neslihan made it worse by addressing everything and claiming she didn’t like all those Hande-bashing posts because... wait for it... she was HACKED. Oy. Hackers got in and went back two years to like gross posts about Hande? Sure, Jan. While I don’t believe that for a second, I guess that at least gives her cover with Hande so they can all pretend it’s true and move on so it’s not awkward on set.  But, yikes, she needs to consult a publicist, she took a narrative that was circulating in certain circles in fandom and made sure all her followers were aware. Not very savvy. 

As for the paps coming after Hande, yes I did see her in the car, she did look overwhelmed. Back off vultures!!! That’s why I think Kerem sometimes throws himself to the wolves so that doesn’t happen. She always handles them like a pro, but you can tell she’d rather be anywhere else on earth than talking to them. 

The pap stuff is worse than I’ve seen before, they’re like vultures circling for any conjecture (sometimes made up out of thin air) they can turn into a question and blame fans. OUAT actors dealt with nothing like this. Also I can’t believe they never ask about the show. Like after last week? They could legit ask about the sex scene which probably would have given them some angle on the actors that they wanted, (especially since it was too hot for Turkish TV) but they let that pass them by, and instead asked the same questions about being together that they never answer. Dumbasses. They are not only awful people, they are awful at their jobs. 

In Van, the paps pay off crew members for info, they always know more than fans. Also I don’t remember stars of my shows getting this level of tabloid attention before. Except for on Riverdale, Lili and Cole generated that level of interest, and while I didn’t pay terribly close attention to them, I feel like they rarely talked to the paps, were just photographed. Also I don’t suspected the CW of calling the paps on them, but I suspect either the network or production company of sometimes calling them on Hande and Kerem. 

Anonymous said: Do you think it’s weird that they didn’t touch the kidnapping at all in either trailer? They might not have filmed it in time for the 1st one but certainly the 2nd. And I’m definitely not complaining about the ones we got because its like a fairytale but the kidnapping was the cliffhanger...? 🧐 I think they should’ve just left the princes storyline at “he went back to his country” but then they didn’t so......

If they’d left his story at just going back to his country, then the Prince really wouldn’t have served his purpose. He was brought on to cause some sort of trouble, so they probably need him to cause the trouble before he goes, lets hope it ends with this kidnapping!

And to answer your question, yes, I do think it’s weird that neither trailer touched on it. On any other show I’d think it was a huge red flag, but on this show maybe not as much because  a) there’s obviously a lot of romance in this episode, it’s not crazy that they are focusing on that to draw people in with the promos  b) this show likes to do cliffhangers that end up being no big deal, that happens a lot.  

Who knows it could turn out to be a big deal that shapes the rest of the episode in some unexpected way (Eda’s captured the whole episode and she’s dreaming about wedding prep, or... who knows) but I think it’s more likely that they resolve in the first 5-10 minutes and then move on.  Since we know from the summary (not that I trust those) that Serkan goes on the bachelor weekend, it feels like the Prince is taken care of prior to that. I don’t think he’d leave her alone for a second if there was a chance the Prince was still a threat. Perhaps Babaanne is pissed he tried to kidnap Eda and tells them she’ll handle it herself???

Anonymous said: Semiha not being in the promo is highkey suspicious. The actress is promoting the episode lol. She's about to Evil Queen this wedding ceremony but you know what, I'm fine with whatever she has planned if they end up married at the end of the day. What's funny is that since a lot of fans these days will assume that there will be shocking negative plot twists, not actually having one here would be a plot twist so I hope the writers keep them together for whatever's next haha

You’re not wrong, at this point, having this wedding take place would be a shocking twist for all of us!  As for Semiha... hmmm... it will be interesting to see what her reaction is to Eda being kidnapped by her pick of suitor. Serkan Bolat might be the son of the man indirectly responsible for her parents death, but he would never hurt her. Take note, Grandbag!  

Anonymous said: Do you mind sharing your speculative scenarios?

After the trailer today, I don’t know if I can even remember some of them. 

Memory loss

Grandma forces Serkan to choose between Eda and his company/wealth,  he chooses Eda and they start over from scratch with nothing

Time jump

AU starting over, showing a different path they might have taken together

Dream

These actors playing different characters in a new story

I don’t think the last three are likely, but they did spring to mind after some of Neslihan’s teases. 

Anonymous said: So this show doesn't get like fantastic ratings (it actually seems to be on the lower end compared to all other dizis airing) but the social media engagement is off the charts. Why is that?!? Is the show just extraordinarily popular internationally? or that this is a "shipping" show? I'm floored by the numbers - its like no other show/fandom is even trying

The ratings were terrific during the summer. But to your point, it has a huge fandom both in Turkey and internationally, but it’s worth noting that most of those charts you see where it beats every other show in every imaginable social metric is just for Turkey.  

It’s one of those lightning in a bottle situations where you get the right property and the right actors together at the right time and magic happens.  And, for sure, the number one reason is the shipping. Shipping drives fandom engagement, and a fantastic ship with a juicy, fun, tropey love story is what this show offers. It also offers up two extremely attractive, talented, likeable leads with off-the-charts chemistry (plus the added speculation about an off-camera relationship that has intrigued more than a few fans, tabloids and gossip sites and fueled interest) who have done a good job of building the fanbase through their social media engagement. Plus the timing is part of it as well. I don’t know about you, but this show hit the spot during this pandemic and the horror of 2020. We all needed this escape. 

Anonymous said:Do you think something happened in the writers room after the backlash of 25 and fan disappointment after Ayse's announcement? I feel like a switch flipped and now we're in fanficland with how much good content we've gotten in these last two episodes. Like I thought maybe they should wrap up the series soon before the characters got completely off the tracks but they may be finding their groove now and I'm interested to see what their next twist is after they can write out Balca/Seymen.

I don’t know about a switch flip, this show has been fanfic land since the first episode!  The tropes! That is how I described it to multiple people when I first started watching: an AU fanfic come to life.

As for the writing changes, no, I don’t think backlash after 25 affected 26 or 27, because 26 was already 90% shot, and 27 already written. However, I assume they themselves could tell that 25 got just too dark and had strayed pretty far from the DNA of the series. While I didn’t think it was bad, it was not fun to watch and this show ought to be fun to watch. 

Let’s hope, however, that the backlash affects future episodes in that they know what works... and what doesn’t.  The last two episodes definitely felt reminiscent of the first batch of episodes. Light, funny, romantic. If they can keep that tone... I’ll be thrilled.

Anonymous said: i didn't realize how much i missed "together" edser until watching 27.. it's been so long since they were "officially" together and we also had such few episodes of it.. ppl have been comparing it to 12 and while in some ways i agree, edser are always so different here than they were there. 12 was them navigating their new relationship.. they were more shy and finding their footing.. here they are very much established, as they should be after knowing their love for so long in comparison to 12!

Yes, it was lovely. You know I’ve preached a lot about how even though Eda and Serkan were broken up, they’ve still been together all this time. And it’s true, but there is something about them truly being together that is magical. We never got enough of that the first time around (a writing mistake in my opinion) and they’re so good together it’s lovely to watch. 

Anonymous said: Serkan not asking for help from Balca when asking his team for help with the marriage gifts preparations and refusing her offer of help when she asked made me so happy. Good job Serkan! He's learning! She's not trustworthy!

Yes, that was a good moment. And he was eyeing her very warily when she offered. The thing I don’t understand is how has no one caught on that she’s working with Babaanne? That entire office is filled with nosy people, has no one remarked on the number of times Balca has gone up to the office or they’ve disappeared for lunch at the same time? Come on Leyla! Come on Melo! Notice these things!  

Anonymous said: Fingers crossed that we finally make progress towards getting rid of Seiman & Balca now that all the girls were drugged and Eda was put in the car in the last episode. Unless Seiman has a change of heart and takes Eda back inside before anyone wakes & the guys get there then the show has to address it. Although I do not think Balca is going to back down unless Serkan straight up tells her he has zero interest in her and never will. Totally fine if that happens in the next episode.

Will Balca backdown even if she’s humiliated like that? She’s so delusional I’m not sure. What I am sure is that she’s dangerous. This came in before we saw the other two fragmans that have no mention of the kidnapping. Hard to picture how that is so easily resolved. Unless she frees herself (which seems unlikely in her groggy state) or maybe Melo’s future boyfriend is able to stop it before they get far?  Or I don’t know. I just know that I want to see Serkan lose his mind and all the other characters see Serkan lose his mind and then I want it to be over. LOL.

Anonymous said: As much as I am loving everything Edser, I cannot wait for Seiman, Balca and Grandma to be gone. And I am even more annoyed to think that the show might try to redeem all 3 characters. All 3 of them are truly awful people and no need to waste air time trying to make the audience think any different. Just my opinion...🤷🏻‍♀️. Show please finally expose those 3 for the psychos they are and get rid of them.

Bye bitches!  I don’t think there’s any redemption for Balca and Seiman. They both have poisoned/dosed people, hard to come back from that.  And there is no need to redeem them because neither is compelling enough to be a long-term character. But maybe Granny, we probably will see a redemption arc for her. 

Anonymous said: i know you were worried a few weeks ago that with ayse leaving as writer, we probably wouldn't have the same sort of comedy as previous episodes... but istg the whole kiz isteme scene, especially with chef alex, had me almost crying with laughter. especially when serkan off the cuff just goes "well if that's an option..." to everyone misunderstanding alex "wanting" ayfer for 2 nights and then eda ready to beat him with the flowers he bought her... comedic gold lmao.

SO GOOD! I was thrilled to see that sort of comedy, the sort of comedy we’d come to expect, from these writers. I think it bodes very well indeed!  

That scene was amazing. I know Neslihan said that much of it was improvised. Probably that line from Serkan (since Serkan is SO out-of-his-mind in love I’m not sure he could even joke about having Eda only two nights a week! LOL) was improv from Kerem, and Aydan asking about the other nights, and Seyfi bringing up the weekend. And Eda’s very Hande-esque “Ser-KAN.” 

I just love rewatching that scene and checking out everyone who is breaking character and just losing it. Cagri most of all. He’s blurred aback there but you can see Ferit spends the whole time laughing or trying to stifle a laugh. Reminds me of Cagri in the scene in 18 when they’re watching the security footage he was losing it in that scene as well. 

Anonymous said: i'm scared - I think they are really about to give us all of these happy EdSer scenes only to have something happen RIGHT before the wedding ceremony due to Babaanne. Based on the last episode, I don't think there's any chance of a breakup (knock on wood) but what if Serkan gets arrested, goes to jail for 2 years, and we get a time jump?

This was sent before the last two teasers, so yes I think something is gonna happen. We shall see!  I don’t really think Serkan going to jail for 2 years is in the cards, at least I hope not!  Besides if Babaanne did that she would have no hopes of ever reconciling with Eda, so that seems unlikely she’d follow through and leave him there for so long a time. 

Anonymous said: With the last week's sex scene, they did a lot of fade outs but the scene was basically still there so it wasn't much wasted effort for the actors. But for what they're teasing in episode 28 - idk how they can get away with showing them in the shower at all if Serkan lifting Eda with her clothes on had required blurring? Is Eda dropping her robe even pushing it? It's intriguing indeed.

Great questions. We’re 36 hours from finding out (well I'm longer than that because I wait for the English subs, hee hee) All I know is I want to see these scenes.. one way or another! 

[oikirstein]

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 | Kuroken | Day 1

Synopsis: Kenma has has loved his best friend, Kuroo, for a lifetime. After a misfortunate occurrence which was photographed by the media, the PR team for Bouncing Ball Corp. decide that it’s a good idea for Kenma and Kuroo to play along with the public to increase the sales of their upcoming product release. Will Kenma be able to control his emotions, or will he lose his best friend in the process?

Contains: Angst, unrequited love, fake relationship

Posted: 12/21/2020

Word count: 3,342

Haikyuu Angst Week Prompt List here.

I have been in love with Tetsuro Kuroo since I was seven years old.

I still love him—eighteen years later.

Growing up as best friends, he was never a hard person to love. He looks out for me, brought me out of my comfort zone, hell, he’s the reason why I’ve grown into who I am today. I’d never admit that to his stupid face, though.

I was seventeen when I realized my love for him was more than just platonic. He was a year older than me, so by the time I started my third year, he was already off to university. The harsh reality of the situation finally weighed heavy on me when I waited outside of his house for thirty minutes and remembered he’s not coming anymore.

He called me later that evening apologizing, although he did nothing wrong, because that’s just the type of person Kuroo was. The next week he surprised me by waiting outside my door to walk me to school.

“I miss this,” he reminisced, staring up at the sky.

“What?” I turned to him, heart racing just a little more than usual, hoping for a certain string of words to come out of his mouth.

“Walking to school like this every morning.”

They didn’t.

I don’t know what I was hoping for. Maybe I wanted him to say he missed walking with me. I’m not sure whether I’d rather hear lies or the truth. That was the day I admitted to myself that he’d be the only person for me.

Now here we are, me at 25 and him at 26 sitting in my office with my publicist yelling at us for being so reckless in public. It was a misunderstanding, really.

“How could you do that at a party where you knew there’d be press coverage?” Kata was pacing back and forth while I rested my forehead on my crossed arms that laid on the glass desk and Kuroo leaned back in his chair on the other side of the table.

“Kata,” she stopped mid-stride and turned her attention to me as I muttered, “how many times do I have to repeat myself,” I lifted my head back up, “IT ISN’T WHAT YOU THINK.”

Kuroo found it difficult to hold back his laugh.

“I don’t think you should be laughing, Kuroo-san. You’re in just as much trouble as Kozume-san.”

He stopped laughing.

“Anyway, it doesn’t matter what I think. It was never about what I thought. The point of my job is to make sure you look good for the public. Thats what a publicist does. Now the issue here, is that the public thinks you’re dating.”

“Okay, wow so all it takes is for me to fall, Kuroo to catch me, and some no-name photographer to snap a picture of us for us to be considered ‘dating’ now?” 

“Kozume-san if you play into this little charade, say for a couple months, just long enough for the new product to be released, sales will go up, and then you can just announce that you two called it quits.”

Was it really worth playing with my heart just to earn a quick buck? 

“No. I don’t want Kuroo to be forced to date me, that’s weird and embarrassing.” 

Kata walked forward and took a seat in the chair next to Kuroo before she leaned forward and rest her chin on her hand, “Here’s the thing Kozume-san, you two ‘dating’, doesn't even have to be real,” proud of her award-winning idea, she leaned back in her seat, arms folded across her chest, and a smug look written all over her face.

“So what you’re saying is to do this as a cash grab?” Kuroo seemed genuinely curious.

“Well somewhat. Think of it more like...fan service.”

“Hmmm...I mean if it’s a show they want then it’s a show they’ll get,” he reached over and smacked my back, “What do you say kitten? Be my scene partner?” he smirked.

Ugh. Why does he have to use those stupid nicknames that always make my heart flutter. My face was visibly cringing as i scrunched up my nose and scowled at him. He knows I could never truly refuse when it’s him.

“Fine,” I mumbled under my breath as I looked away.

Kuroo’s footsteps were light as he got up from his seat and went around the desk to sneak up behind me. He bent down and leaned in close towards my ear.

“What was that, puddin?” he whispered, his hot breath whipping through my loose strands of hair.

I jumped out of my seat and rubbed my ear with the sleeve of my jacket and he laughed his ugly, stupid, hyena laugh. 

“See! Look at that! You two aren’t even ‘dating’ and yet you have so much chemistry!” Kata said enthusiastically while clapping.

Of course we have chemistry. We’ve been best friends for eighteen years. Soulmates our whole lives. It was always easy to be around Kuroo. That’s one of the things I love about him. Why wouldn’t we have chemistry?

“Well, when you’ve been best friends with someone for like, your whole life, of course you’re gonna know exactly how to push his buttons,” his voice was breathy as he wiped tears from his eyes.

I didn’t realize it then, but I truly did sell my heart for pocket change.

A full month later was when we went out in public together as a “couple” for the first time. It was a simple brunch at a well known restaurant, but Kata made sure to anonymously tip paparazzi that we would be at that establishment. Together. It wasn’t even 30 minutes into our meal when we were bombarded with cameras.

“Today we are here with Kenma Kozume, the young CEO of Bouncing Ball Corp., and his supposed boyfriend, Tetsuro Kuroo, from the Japan Volleyball Association. Are any of you able to speak on the rumors spreading about the two of you?”

Kuroo had always been good at talking. He's been smooth with his words for as long as I could remember him. He was...a people person. The complete opposite of me, which is why we agreed that Kuroo would do most of the talking, should a camera crew show up.

He laughed, not the ugly hyena kind, it was an attractive laugh. That’s how I knew it wasn’t real.

“Well I mean we won’t confirm or deny anything right now, won’t we kitten?” he winked at me and suddenly all the attention was directed towards my direction.

Idiot. Two can play at that game.

“Im pretty sure whatever the public is thinking is probably true, hm Tetsu?”

I’ve never called him that before, so it was obvious he was shocked. Big eyes and blushy cheeks. We gave the camera exactly what it wanted.

“Is that a confirmation?” the man behind the camera was provoking us for an answer.

“It’s whatever you want it to be,” he smirked before taking his chopsticks back into his hand and grabbing a plate full of beef, “Now if you gentlemen will excuse us, we’d like to continue our lunch date.”

Satisfied with the content they would now be able to work with, the cameras slowly started retreating from the scene until it was just us two again.

“Damn maybe I should’ve gone into show business,” he smirked.

“Shut up, they might still be around,” I whispered while looking down, incase we were still being watched.

“How do you know I was talking about that. I could just simply be saying that I would’ve been amazing on T.V.”

“No you wouldn’t,” I replied, monotonous voice, as I took a bite of some barbecue and rice.

“Kenma, why do you have to break my heart like this? What if I was born to be an actor?”

“Uhm I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen an actor that has the same hairstyle twenty-four seven, three hundred sixty-five days a year.”

“That’s a technicality. Why should hair define my amazing acting abilities?”

“Then I want to see you shave your head and wear a wig.”

Kuroo froze in the middle of whatever movement he was making and just stared at the grill in the middle of the table with a horrified expression written on his face.

“You know what? Maybe I wasn't meant to be an actor...”

Outings usually continued on like this. We would have little interviews with paparazzi, slowly dropping more and more hints about our ��relationship,” and once they left, we’d have breakfast, lunch, or dinner, like we usually do. I suppose to any outsider it would seem as though we were on a date, but I wouldn’t allow myself to call this pitiful get together as such.

I could pretend this was real. I could tell myself that Kuroo reciprocated my feelings. I could tell myself that we were truly in a relationship. I could tell myself I have a chance, but a mere sliver of probability isn’t worth risking our friendship. 

Since I was seventeen I accepted the fact that I’d be happy as long as he was in my life. I mean, he’d still smile the same. He’d still laugh the same. He’d still love me... 

I’m supposed to be content with what I have. It’s either we stay as best friends, or we go on as strangers, and I’d rather avoid the latter. So why do I feel such a tightness in my chest whenever we’re forced to go out together? Why do I feel so selfish for wanting more?

Two months went by until we had to make an actual appearance together at a party. Me under Kuroo’s arm like some sort of bittersweet candy. 

He was always good at reading people—especially me. Which is why he pulled me aside before we walked into the huge rental house. The only reason I agreed to show up was because it was Shoyo’s team celebrating their win against some team who’s name I can’t remember.

“You okay Ken?” he rested both hands on my shoulders with my back against the wall.

“Yeah, I just need a second.”

I never did like big crowds.

After taking a few minutes to breathe before submitting myself to the abyss of rowdy adrenaline-high athletes, Kuroo took my hand in his as we walked through the front doors together. It was warm. Like my fingers were molded to fit perfectly into his palm. Must’ve been why I felt so cold when he let my hand go.

As soon as the camera flashed and Bokuto called him from the other side of the room, he whispered an “I’ll be back kitten,” before joining the beefy player by the bar. 

I guess I’ll go find Shoyo.

It wasn’t long until I saw a bush of bright orange bobbing up and down through a sea of people.

“Shoyo!”

“Kenma!”

“Congratulations on your win.”

“Thank you! I wouldn’t want to disappoint my sponsor,” he winked, “Do you want to step outside? It’s a little loud in here.”

Whether he means to or not, Shoyo’s always been good at making sure people feel comfortable.

“Uhm, Shoyo?” I grabbed the hem of his shirt and tugged a little to get his attention.

“What’s up?” he practically had to yell over the loud music and the incessant yelling of the surrounding people.

“Can we get a beer first?”

A smile spread across his face, “Of course, just wait for me by the fire outside.”

I followed his instructions and sat in one of the red lawn chairs that snaked around the circular bonfire.

“How’ve you been?” the ginger said while handing me an opened beer and sitting in the chair next to me.

“I’ve been alright. Things are running smoothly for the product release—”

“I didn't ask about how work was, Kenma,” he interrupted, “How are you?”

“Oh. Uhm...I’m keeping it together.”

He leaned back in the plastic chair and took a sip from his drink, “So you and Kuroo-san, huh?”

I looked around to make sure no one was near us. I could never lie to Shoyo.

“Barely,” I mumbled as I, myself, took a big gulp.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“It’s an act. All because of a misunderstanding from a few months ago.”

“Well did you have a choice?”

“Not really.”

“That's unfortunate. I thought you would’ve told him how you felt by now.”

“Wait- what do you mean ‘how I felt?’ You knew?”

“I may not be that bright, but I have eyes, Kenma. I can see the way your eyes gloss over when he calls you one of those cute pet names, or the way your cheeks redden when he does that weird laugh at your jokes.”

“Hmm... You’re more observant than I thought, Sho.”

“So why haven’t you told him?”

Just thinking about confessing scared the shit out of me. All I can imagine is the disgusted look on his face when I tell him. The scenario plays over and over again in my head—the one where he walks away and fades into the background. I don’t know when I started crying, but I had only realized it when I heard the glass of Shoyo’s bottle tap the ground.

“What’s wrong?”

I wiped the hot tears from my cheeks with my wrist.

“I guess I just love him too much to lose him.”

Two weeks after that party, we had another meeting at the office.

“This has been going great so far!” Kata exclaimed, obviously proud of her idea, “Have you ever thought of being an actor?” she teased Kuroo.

“See! That’s what I’ve been telling Kenma, but apparently my untamable hair is standing in the way between me and fame.”

“You’re already all over the news, idiot.”

“And all thanks to my little kitten,” he walked over to my seat behind my desk and peppered my cheek in kisses.

“We’re not in public, you can stop acting all lovey dovey,” I spat. I didn’t even think about my words until Kata’s effervescent expression changed into a state of confused shock. She wasn’t sure how she should react to my outburst.

“W-what? It’s all fun and games, Ken,” Kuroo was taken aback by my response as well, but he hid it much better than my publicist.

“It always is with you,” I got up and walked out of office. I couldn't take it anymore. All this pretending and toying with my heart. I felt bad for blaming it all on Kuroo, when he couldn’t have possibly known about my feelings, but it was easier to blame him for my pain than to admit to myself that I’m a coward. 

I rounded the corner and continued on my way to the vending machine to get an energy drink. Those always seemed to put me in a better mood.

Kuroo knew me well. Who wouldn’t after eighteen years? That’s probably why he knew exactly where to find me.

“What the hell was that, Kenma?”

I pulled up the tab of the can and let the hiss of carbonation fizzle out before I took a sip and leaned against the wall.

“What was what?” 

“You’re little scene in there? What’s going on?”

“Nothing is going on.”

“You’re lying to me.”

 I looked off to the side, my eyes scanning every row in the vending machine, “I just think it’s time to call quits on this charade we have going on,” I responded dryly.

“Huh? Why? It’s only a couple more weeks until the release. Why end it now?”

“I’m tired, Kuroo. I don’t want to have to pretend all the time anymore.”

I was never an emotional person, so I knew that in this moment Kuroo knew something catastrophic was going on inside my head, for me to put myself before the potential success of the company.

“It’s just for a little while longer and then we can go back to normal, okay? Can you just hold out until then?”

“No. You’re not listening to me. Why the hell do you want to keep doing this. This doesn’t benefit you in the slightest.”

“Because I love you,” my heart rate went up at these words although I knew he didn’t mean them in the way I wish he did, “You’re my best friend and I want to see you thrive.”

“Why are you always putting yourself on the line for me?”

“Putting myself on the line? What are you—”

“I’m so selfish! And then you over here,” I rolled my eyes at him before kicking my weight off the wall, “You constantly give but you never take!”

“I don’t see the issue with that.”

“You’re too good for me,” I looked to the ground because I knew that if I looked up into his gorgeous hazel eyes, I would definitely cry. 

“That’s not true—”

“Yes it is and you know it,” my voice was on the verge of cracking from how tired I was from arguing.

“You know what? You look like you need some space. Think about things okay? I’m only a phone call away. I’ll see you at the launch party,” he walked away.

The day of the launch party was a bore. Just a bunch of business men in suits and the growing anxiety in the pit of my stomach, for Kuroo had yet to show up like he promised. 

It was half-past twelve when I stepped outside the venue to get some fresh air. The second I opened the doors was when I saw him pacing back and forth, deep in thought.

“Kuroo?”

“Kenma! I’m so sorry about what happened a few weeks ago—”

I did nothing but hugged him like I was going to lose him.

“Why are you apologizing? I was the one that had a tantrum.”

“Well you’re not the only one that got mad.”

“Let’s go for a walk?”

He nodded and draped his heavy arm over my shoulder before he took another step.

“Well so far sales have been good. Almost linear.”

“I’m glad I was able to help. So this is the end, huh?”

We both stopped in the middle of the side walk. I didn’t want it to end. The handholding, the hugs, the camera kisses. I wanted all of it. I so badly wanted all of it to be real. Maybe it’s because I spent half the night drinking, or maybe it’s because his midnight hair ricocheted the moonlight ever so perfectly, that I felt a courage rush through me like never before.

“Why does it have to end?”

“Didn’t you say like three weeks ago that you wanted to end our little ‘relationship?’”

“I don’t mean it like that. I mean,” I unwrapped myself from his limb and stepped in front of him, “I’m in love with you, Tetsu. I have been for eighteen years.”

A piece of my heart cracked when he took a step back, face pale, and eyes widened.

“What?”

I wanted to take a step forward, but for some reason, my feet were glued to the ground.

“I love you.”

He smiled assuringly before he laughed to lighten the air. The same type of laugh he’s used to fool reporters. 

“You’re my best friend, Kenma.”

“I know. I’ll never be more than that, right?”

“You know I love you,” I wouldn’t dare get my hopes up again at those words, “You’re like a little brother to me.”

Damn. Is this what it feels like for my heart to be so irreparably shattered? Physical pain spread from my chest throughout my body. To the tips of fingers and toes.

“I—” he started, before giving you that diabetes inducing smile, “I should go.”

I watched him walk away. It was a vision from my worst nightmare. When did it all change? Is this what my selfishness was bound to lead to?

What was supposed to be a simple marketing tactic, turned out to be a fate worse than death. I was heartbroken to think he was my soulmate, but I wasn’t his.

© all content [unless stated otherwise] belongs to gellysticks 2020. do not modify or repost.

reblogs are greatly appreciated :)

[lauras-collection]

More Than I Know [Part 1]

Tom Holland x female Reader

Masterlist

Summary: You and Tom need to find a way to deal with the situation that the world thinks you’re dating. And the only way to do that is pretending to be dating, right?

Words: 1.4k

Warnings: swearing, nothing else I think

A/N: I’m really happy you guys liked the prologue to this series! I hope you like this one, too! I brainstormed a lot of ideas for the second part last night soooo get excited :D

This is my second try at posting this... I hope you get to see it this time :D

Prologue

When Tom got a call from his publicist early on a Sunday morning, he knew something was up. His first thought was that he had accidentally spoiled something from a movie again. But that was not what this was about.

“Tom. We talked about this. If you’re going to date someone you need to tell me about it.” She sounded like she had told Tom this about a hundred times. But he’d heard about this only once. He was confused because he didn’t have a clue what she was talking about. Until he remembered the afternoon he had spent with you and that you had hugged him basically in the middle of the street for everyone to see.

“Someone saw that? It was absolutely not what it looks like. It wasn’t really a date.” He had no idea how he would explain what it actually was, but he didn’t have to.

“That doesn’t matter now. The pictures are all over the internet. And I’ve got a plan.”

-

It had been a couple hours since you found out that the guy you spend your whole Saturday afternoon with was an international movie star. We’re talking Hollywood. And you were fuming. He could’ve said something! But he didn’t and now your pictures were popping up on more and more websites by the minute. No one had found your Instagram yet but it was only a matter of time until the follow requests would flood in. You wanted to call Tom and tell him off but you couldn’t. You didn’t have his number. You had to wait until he would call you. And you weren’t sure if he would. You had done a little digging and found out that he hadn’t really been spotted with someone in the last few years, besides his co-star Zendaya but they were apparently just friends. Your theory was that his agents, or whoever is responsible for his public image, wanted him to stay single, at least in public, so all his fans wouldn’t be disappointed that he was taken. But that was just a theory. And it might have been one of 28 theories you had come up with this morning.

You were in Tesco stocking up on some comfort food when your phone finally rang. It was an unknown number. You accepted the call and before you could say anything Tom’s voice reached your ear.

“I am so sorry Y/N.” He sounded genuinely sorry, which made your anger dissipate a little bit.

“Tom?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s me.”

“You could’ve told me that you’re an A list celebrity.” You kept your voice low, not wanting anyone to hear. You were afraid that someone would recognise you from the photos, so you were wearing a baseball cap that you had pulled as far into your face as possible. It probably made you look suspicious.

“And how would that have worked out? ‘Hi, I’m Tom. I shoot movies and walk red carpets for a living.’?”

“For example.” You were standing in front of the freezers deciding which ice cream you should get when Tom called, but now you were just standing in the middle of the aisle, the ice cream was long forgotten.

“You would’ve thought I was a downright asshole.”

“Aren’t you?” The line was quiet. “Tom, I’m joking.” You heard him let out a breath.

“I was scared for a second.” He chuckled. “Look, it was refreshing to have a conversation with someone who didn’t know I’m an actor. Who only saw me as a normal guy in a coffee shop. And I’m sorry that someone saw us and you got dragged into this whole thing.”

“It’s okay Tom, it’s not your fault. I was just caught off guard… What happens now?”

“Well, I wanted to talk to you about that. But I think it’d be better to do in person. Can we meet up?”

“Uh, yeah sure. I’m out anyway. Where do you want to meet? The coffee shop?”

“If you’re okay with that. I don’t know if there’s gonna be someone taking pictures again.” Which wouldn’t be a problem if you agree to Tom’s – or rather Tom’s publicist’s– plan. But he couldn’t say that.

“Oh, that’s alright. I’m wearing a disguise.” You glanced at your reflection in the glass panel of the freezer.

“A disguise? Like what? Those glasses with the moustache?” He laughed at the image and you joined in.

“No! Just something to hide my face, ya know? Anyway, I’ll see you there in about 20 minutes?”

“Sounds good to me. See you there.”

You looked at the contents of your basket after you ended the phone call and contemplated whether you should still get three bags of crisps and carry them to the coffee shop or if you should just come back later. You’re sure this talk wouldn’t take long so Tesco would still be open then. You put the bags back to where you got them from and left the store, walking the short distance to the coffee shop. You glanced around you, afraid that someone would snap a picture of you. But you were sure that as long as Tom wasn’t next to you, you wouldn’t really stand out.

The table in the back where you had sat with Tom the day before was unoccupied so you sat down waiting for him. Not long after Tom appeared in front of you, in a similar get-up to yours, black jeans, black jumper, black baseball cap. He orders his coffee at the counter and joins you a couple minutes later, a steaming mug in his hand.

“We probably look like we’re about to rob a bank.” You say as Tom takes a seat across from you.

Tom made a surprised face. “And here I thought I was going to surprise you with that plan.” You just rolled your eyes but couldn’t help but let a small smile slip on your face.

“And what is the real plan?”

“I’m not sure if you’ll find this funny because let’s be honest the irony.” He let out a chuckle. “Or if you’ll be mad.” He looks at you for a moment and you signal him to go on. You were intrigued. “My publicist thinks it’d be a good idea to be seen a bit more together. Because I don’t have a movie coming out in the next couple of months and I’m not doing any press either, it’d be something to keep my name in peoples minds or something like that.” He rolls his eyes. “So she actually proposed the idea that we go on some more dates. Or fake dates, whatever you wanna call them.”

“I’m not sure if you’re being serious or if you’re making fun of me.” You look at him sceptically.

“I’m serious! That also means I can accompany you to your sister’s wedding.” He raised his brows a bit, a smirk on his face. He knew how badly you wanted to take someone to your sister’s wedding. You asked a freaking stranger to join you!

“Except that instead of just lying to my family, we’re lying to the whole world.”

“Pretty much yeah.”

You were conflicted. On the one hand, you really liked Tom and he would make a great impression on your family and you wouldn’t have to deal with all the comments you would usually receive. On the other hand, this would make things so much more complicated, if the whole world knew that you were seeing Tom Holland… What were your friends going to say? You had obviously never mentioned Tom. You met him literally yesterday!

“Do I have a choice?” You didn’t really. Everyone you knew had probably already seen the pictures and you didn’t want to tell anyone that you didn’t know him. Maybe you wanted everyone to think that someone like Tom would be interested in you. Movie star or not, Tom was a catch.

“Of course you do! I don’t wanna force you to do anything that you’re not comfortable with. But you wouldn’t have to do anything ridiculous. You’d only have to hang out with me every once in a while.” He laughed lightly shrugging his shoulders a bit before taking a sip from his mug.

“I think I can handle that.”

Tom almost choked on his coffee. “You’ll do it?” His eyes were wide and hopeful.

“Yeah, I mean, what’ve I got to lose? I can’t really tell my sister that the reason I was with you was to lie to her and I really don’t want to go to that wedding alone. And I like hanging out with you. Who cares who sees, right?” You shrug your shoulders and send him a small smile.  

Part 2

Taglist: @jackiehollanderr // @alicethestral // @snowxbarryxendgame // @van-horn-dashner // @sltwins // @yeahimcrying // @ohhhotstan // @heathera101x // @xxnomercy

Let me know if you want to be tagged! 

[afictionaladventure16]

Safe and Sound (Robert Downey Jr. x Daughter!Reader)

Chapter 6

Masterlist

Previously on Safe and Sound...

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1,022

With the recent spotlight on your disappearence, Robert had closed himself off, not leaving the house or doing any interviews. That was until his publicist called him, explaining that Chris Evans had, unfortunately, had to cancel his appearance for San Diego Comic Con. Robert didn’t see as to why she would bother calling him for that particular reason, she explained that the slot was there for him if he wanted it. He pondered for a second, his mind was saying no but his gut was telling him to do it.

“Alright,” He said softly, “I’ll do it.”

She cheered, “thank you, Robert!”

He chuckled, “you owe me,” with that he hung up the phone.

“Who was that?” He looked up to see his wife Susan smiling at him.

“It was my publicist, I just agreed to do a panel for San Diego Comic-Con,” he said as fumbled with his thumbs. “I probably shouldn’t though, given all the attention with the media.”

Susan shook her head, “you need a distraction, babe,” she walked over to him, gently brushing his hair with her hands in a comforting way, “it’d be good for you.”

“You think so?”

She smiled, “I know so.”

He stayed quiet for a bit, looking at his beautiful wife. He wished his daughter was there with him, he wished he could have been there for her life, seen her grow up. Robert felt his eyes sting, “I miss her so much, Susan,” he sobbed.

Susan frowned, she hated seeing her husband in such pain, “I know,” she whispered as she pulled him into an embrace. She heard so many stories of his daughter, wonderful stories. She knew that (Y/N) was just like her father, from the home videos she has seen, her personality was just like Roberts. Susan would always see how much Robert loved his daughter in those videos, how much he cared for her. She sees it to this day with their own children, but stronger. The loss of his daughter, just made him fight harder for those he loved.

Susan didn’t want to say that (Y/N) was dead, she didn’t know what to believe but she did have hope. Hope that one day a miracle would happen, but she knew if that miracle would happen, there would be the trauma to deal with. The emotional support that young girl would need and she had mentally prepared herself for it.

~

You were sitting down outside, enjoying the warmth of the sun as you ate your lunch. You were reviewing some notes for your next class, silently repeating the formula’s for certain equations to yourself as you ate.

You were in full concentration of your notes in front of you when you heard a piercing yell, “(Y/N)!!!” You groaned slightly to yourself as you swallowed sandwich bite you were just chewing. “(Y/N)!!” You turned around to see your best friend running towards you and also seeing the crowd that she had managed to capture their attention. She jumped onto the bench next to you, placing her backpack on the table, “guess what?!”

You glared at her, “I would say you finally got kidnapped by aliens but seeing that you are still here, I’m gonna pass with that guess. So, tell me,” you said nonchalantly as you kept your focus on your notes, slowly taking a bite from your sandwich.

Your best friend rolled her eyes, “I’ve got some great news on our investigation!”

“Our investigation?” You gave her a side glance, quickly drawing your attention back to your notes, “(Y/B/F/N), I would love to hear about that but right now I really have to focus on this.” You gave her an eye gesture towards your notes.

She sighed, grabbing your notes and throwing them pretty far, almost hitting someone. You looked at her in shock, “fuck that!” She expressed, “that’s only temporary, baby! This!” she said as she placed a paper in front of you, “Can change your life.”

“So, can college if I manage to pass my calculus class!” You retorted, you got up and retrieved your notebook, quickly apologizing to the guy sitting down at the table that your notebook had managed to land on. You made your way back over to your table, “can’t this wait until after school?”

“I mean it can, but I can’t,” she said with glee.

You let out a defeated sigh, “alright, if anything I’ll take a make-up quiz after school,” you placed your notebook aside, “now tell me, what’s so important that you had to almost kill a guy with my calculus notes?”

She smiled, pushing the paper further over to you, “your dad-”

“We’re not even sure about that,” you quickly interrupted.

She rolled her eyes, “okay, Robert Downey Jr. is going to comic con.”

“Okay and?”

“San Diego Comic-Con,” she said slowly, “the comic con we’re going to, the one we’ve been planning on going to for years now. The one that is a week away... You see what I’m trying to say here??”

You looked at the paper, sure enough, he had a panel at SDCC. “Alright,” you said, still unsure of what she was implying.

“I know we got passes to the Supernatural photo sessions and we planned on going to their panel but Robert’s panel is around the same time, by the time the Supernatural panel ends we’ll probably only make it to ten minutes of Robert’s panel,” your best friend explained.

“Just spit it out, (Y/B/F/N), what are you trying to say?”

She let out a frustrated sigh, “we are going to find a way to meet Robert, passes or not!” You stayed silent for a bit, you had no idea how what to say. This could go wrong many ways, but it was probably your only shot at finding out the truth, “Well?!” Your best friend asked anxiously.

You took another bite of your sandwich, chewing it slowly as you continued the debate in your mind. Swallowing the chewed bite, you looked over to your best friend who was carrying an annoyed look, “I’m in.”

Safe and Sound taglist is CLOSED

ALSO, I am super close to hitting 1k followers and I kind of want to do something special... I don’t know what though. Let me know what you guys would like to see, like a special fic or something... I don’t know! I’m still new to all of this! 

Permanent Taglist: @unapologeticallymimi   @glitterquadricorn @lady-of-lies  @cassmoreiraxo @just4muggles @mellorine-paprika  @agirlruinedbybands @yougottalovefandoms @avngrsinitiative @lizlil @otomefan @dejaazaro @culturebay @kpopishilarious @fireproof-heaven @iloveyouthreethousand-o6  @weappreciatepower @whereyoustand  @white-wolf-buckaroo @spider-woman22 @coffee-habit @supernaturallover2002 @barnes-parker @therealmrshale @myinternetissoslow

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[empressaryastark]

Draft for "Chef's Kiss"

Chapter 1: Meetings

"There you go! All you have to do know is create a screen name and, well, you know the rest," Wylla said as she returned Arya's cell phone.

Arya looked down at her phone to see the anonymous dating app appear on the screen. After months of tireless working through countless renovations, Wylla, her business parter, thought it was high time that Arya actually had a life outside of their restaurant. Arya, on the other hand, groaned at the thought of another dating app. The last thing she needed was another slew of messages from guys only interested in hook ups or nudes. Men who only saw her picture and made a judgement about whether she was worth the effort.

"The Raven app is so different," Wylla said as they sat in their newly painted kitchens. The restaurant was on the eve of reopening after a fire so they celebrated with wine bottles and a box of doughnuts from the disgustingly hipster Americana, but admittedly delicious, Hot Pie's American Bakery down the street.

Arya rolled her eyes as she sipped from her wine glass. "How different can it be from any other lame dating app?"

Wylla sighed with the expected amount of drama. "My god! Can you just create a screen name already? You'll see. This app is special because you connect based on interests and age range, but there's no photos, no specifics like careers or names, unless users choose to give that information."

Arya raised her eyebrows. "So it's mostly just chatting?"

"Exactly!"

Though Arya felt skeptical, she had been rather lonely in the past year. It's not that she didn't have a wealth of friends or family. Those she had no lack of. However, she'd been single for nearly two years since she broke it up with her ex, Daenerys. Since then, Arya had focused on work. And with the kitchen fire that nearly took over her family's White Harbor landmark sea restaurant, The Nymeria, it only made even more sense for Arya to devote her time renovating the place. Though her parents may have wanted to sell the place after the fire, Arya insisted that she and her best friend, Wylla, could keep the tradition alive. Other restaurants along the harbor would come and go, but The Nymeria was a city institution.

So, Arya relented. Wylla hooted after Arya broke down to her friend's wishes and said, "Fine. I'll make one. I think my screen name will be, um, 'titansdaughter95.'"

"You're gonna get dates in no time," Wylla said as Arya continued to fill out her profile with the information necessary to pair her up with other chatters.

What were Arya's interests? She mused on that very question. Arya Stark enjoyed cooking, sports, theater and films, cats and dogs (as backed up by the pets in her townhouse), fencing, sailing, hiking, and weaponry. Arya figured that list would be enough to sort her out with some chatters. In time.

-----

As The Nymeria finally reopened for business, Arya totally forgot the Raven app. She didn't even bother to see if there were any notifications. Indeed, she was far too busy. Wylla Manderly, the beautiful green-haired influencer and former publicist, was able to gather a great deal of buzz over the restaurant's return to the wharf. In the brief moments Arya was able to spare from the kitchen, she would check up on social media to see if the city shared her excitement for the return of the The Nymeria. Of course, Arya felt elated when The White Harbor Gate published a glowing article on the restaurant's grand reopening on Instagram. All the replies and comments to the article shared the same enthusiasm. Except for one. From a user with the handle of 'willow.h'.

Willow.H: Yawn. How come the only restaurants ever highlighted are these boring standard places owned by the same rich Northern families? You know, there are other chefs and places to eat! Steel and Fire is opening their second location on the Wharf this week too! But I haven't seen one single article about it on this page! The bias is pretty gross if you ask me :/

The comment had 40 likes. Arya felt a mixture of nausea and anger. She wanted to reply to this Willow. H. Yes, The Nymeria was a legacy restaurant, but it was far from boring. Arya had done all she could to fuse the traditional northern sea cuisine with all the culinary training she earned while studying in Braavos' famed House of Black and White Culinary Academy. Her menu was far from standard or boring! Even the critic, Jaqen H'ghar, had written a rave review of The Nymeria. Arya did not think the critique was fair. Quite the contrary, she thought this user and those who liked her article were biased against her without any cause. How was it any fault of hers if this other restaurant, Steel and Fire, did not get the same attention? Arya desperately wanted to speak out against the comment, but she decided to let it go. There were more pressing matters at hand. For one, the restaurant's opening night.

The reopening went as seamless as one could possibly imagine. The house was packed and the food was delicious according to all the guests including various culinary critics and journalists. Though White Harbor was a sizeable city by the sea, it certainly felt like the entire city was at The Nymeria. But most important to Arya, the whole Stark retinue was also attendance. Even Sansa and her new husband, Petyr. Though their addition to the party made for an awkward family table given how Petyr went to college with their parents.

Arya wanted to be as happy as Wylla was about the night's success, but she mostly felt exhausted.

"You did a good job, Arya Underfoot," Arya's father, Ned, said as he embraced her at the end of the night when all the guests had long gone.

Arya breathed in his pine scent. "Thanks, dad," She said when she reluctantly pulled away from the embrace in order to move towards her mother, Catelyn.

Catelyn looked radiant in her fur lined coat. Always elegant and beautiful, her mother. She smiled and pulled Arya into a short hug. "I agree with your father. The Nymeria is quite reinvented with you at the helm. And though the food isn't really my taste, a little too spicy, I did immensely enjoy the dishes."

Years ago, Arya would have felt slighted by the mixed compliment from her mother, but now she decided to take it in stride. She was content with the reopening and that's all that mattered.

When Arya opened the door to her townhouse, she felt so exhausted that she collapsed right on her couch while her old cat, Salem, jumped up to sit on her feet. A part of Arya wanted to sleep into the next year, but she also still felt the night's exhilaration. Instead of getting ready for bed, she glanced at a phone. There was a new notification from the Raven app. Usually, Arya cleared those notifications right away. She was too busy to spend her time chatting. But, this time was different. Even if it was nearly three in the morning, Arya was far too excited to sleep. Maybe chatting would not be so bad.

There were a handful of messages on the app's notifications page. A few were lame pick up lines or inquiries for nudes, so Arya ignored them. However, the latest message did intrigue her.

HammerTime92: What kind of food do you cook?

Arya smiled.

Titansdaughter: A little of everything. Mostly Northern and Braavosi food. Do you cook?

HammerTime92: I grill some, chop some. Does that count?

Titansdaughter: I'd say so. Do you have a signature dish?

HammerTime92: Steak is my speciality. Southern style, though. What about you?

Titansdaughter: Clams and cockles!

HammerTime92: Don't tell me you go around shouting that.

Titansdaughter: Only when I'm planning to distract people while I go on hit jobs.

HammerTime92: I know there's no personal specifics on this app, but I got to say...that sounds pretty cool if you are an assassin.

Titansdaughter: Damn. I knew I should've changed my user name to LicenseToKill.

Arya smiled. HammerTime92 wasn't such a bad user to chat with. Even if it was so late she had to wonder if the chatter wasn't a complete weirdo.

------

A lack of sleep was not unusual for Arya. When the sun creeped through the windows of her home, Arya was up and ready to go help Wylla and the rest of the crew prep for the day.

Running the restaurant was long and hard, but Arya loved it all the same. In between prepping the menu, the ingredients, and cleaning up, she never felt more alive.

Arya was sweeping when Wylla came along her side. "Hey, let's take a break from this place. We can go out to lunch. Something that isn't from our kitchens for once. Come on. It'll be good to walk around. See some of the other stuff on the wharf. I saw on my feed that a new steak place opened up down the way. We could check it out."

Though Arya couldn't see what was wrong from eating lunch in the restaurant, she did agree with Wylla that it might do some good to get some fresh air outside of The Nymeria.

Arya loved White Habor's wharf. As one walked along, there were tons of shops and restaurants and views of the sea for miles. Arya admired them and took in the salty fresh air as Wylla led them to their destination: Steel and Fire.

Arya blinked. This was the restaurant mentioned by Willow.H in negative comment she had read on Instagram.

The sign was minimalist and forged from steel. Arya had to admit the place was sleek in it's simplicity and homages to a long gone industrial era just by judging what she could through the restaurant's windows.

"How cool is it? My friends went to eat the first location in the Saltpans. They rave about it so much," Wylla said as she dragged Arya into the restaurant.

She had to admit, the place seemed rather busy for lunch hour. "Is there a hostess, or---" Wylla said as she and Arya stood by the door.

A man was cooking on a long grill that was surrounded by a long bar around its perimeters. He answered Wylla loudly over the restaurant's chatter. His voice was deep, gruff, and perfectly understood. "Sit anywhere! Hell, sit right here," the man said as he pointed with a cleaver at the two available bar seats in front of where he was dicing up some ingredients.

Unperturbed, Arya and Wylla made their way over to the two bar seats. A server hastily gave the pair of them some menus and hurried off to deliver a dish to some other diners.

Arya looked at the menu. The selections were not typical for a steak house in the north, so Arya was intrigued. When she picked her head up to look at the grill, she thought she saw the cook in front of her staring at her but he looked away at once.

No, Arya, thought. He wouldn't look at me. Not when I smell like seafood and my clothes are filthy from restaurant prep.

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Rest of the Weekend Warrior’s 2020 Top 25… and His Terrible 12 Movies!

If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll notice that my Top 10 has already appeared over at Below the Line, and you can either go there and read those first or start with the movies that fell just outside my top 10, including a few movies you might not have heard about.

Back at the very beginning of 2020, I made a private resolution that I would watch more screeners. This is because I had become quite legendary for publicists sending me screeners and me just not getting the time to watch them with all the running around I was doing to screenings. I will never make a resolution like that ever again. (In fact, if my 2021 resolution was to have more sex, I only really need to do it once.)

This year, I wrote (no joke) slightly under 300 reviews, which may be more than I wrote in the three years prior. Part of this was having extra time from not travelling around the city trying to get to screenings, but also, once I decided to transition my weekly box office column into a review column, I decided that I was gonna watch and review as many movies as I possibly could this year. I’m sure there are others who do this all the time, but man, I don’t know how you do it. There were days where I got so burnt out at staring at my laptop for 15 hours every day that I just had to stop.

Still, when you’re watching 300 movies in a single year, any movie that can get into my annual Top 25 (or even get an Honorable Mention) should feel somewhat honored.

Anyway, onto the second 15 movies in my Top 25 (click on the title for a link to each of my reviews!):

11. Herself (Amazon Prime Video) – One of my more recent viewings is this film directed by Phyllida Lloyd  (Mamma Mia!) and starring British actress Clare Dunne (who also co-wrote the script) as a mother of two young girls who got out of an abusive marriage with a man who still shares custody with her daughters. She wants to give her girls a place to live so she decides to build her own house on a plot of land given to her as a gift. It’s such a simple premise but Lloyd and Dunne have made a wonderful not-too-heavy drama that still slams you with its raw emotions.

12. Jungleland (IFC Films) – I really enjoyed Max Winkler’s earlier movie Ceremony, but this underground boxing drama about two brothers (Jack O’Connell, Charlie Hunnam) was also a solid crime-drama that follows them on a road trip to deliver a mob boss’ mistress (Jessica Barden) back to him on their way to a big match. Winker really outdid himself in terms of the storytelling and somehow managed to avoid most of the normal boxing movie cliches while allowing this to stand up to some of the greats.

13. Palm Springs (NEON/Hulu) – One of the first of this year’s Sundance movies that really connected with me, Max Barbakow’s sci-fi comedy starred Andy Samberg as a guy stuck at a horrible wedding who ends up in a Groundhog’s Day situation with the wonderful Christin Milioti was so much fun. Adding to the madness was JK Simmons as a guy who seems to be out to get Samberg’s character for reasons we don’t learn until much later. Such a brilliant and hilarious movie with so much great re-watch value.

14. Soul (Disney•Pixar) – The latest from the animation studio that seemingly can’t do wrong – but that depends on who you ask – follows jazz pianist Joe (voiced by Jamie Foxx) who dies and ends up “The Great Beyond” desperate to get back to earth having just gotten his big break. Helping him (sort of) is a soul voiced by Tina Fey, and things don’t go quite as Joe helped. Co-written and co-directed by Kemp Powers, the film goes in a different direction from Docter’s last animated film, Inside Out, but still retaining some of the same metaphysical fabric that made that Oscar-winning animated film connect with adults just as much as with kids.

15. Mangrove (Amazon Prime Video) – The debate on whether Steve McQueen’s latest “Small Axe Anthology”  should be deemed a TV series or five separate movies continues to rage as Amazon decides to save the movie for the Emmies. At  two hours long, Mangrove is the closest of the series to being a  great stand-alone film, and frankly, I thought it was better than McQueen’s Oscar-winning film, 12 Years a Slave. This told the true story of restaurant owner, Frank Crichlow (Shaun Parkes), and how he’s persecuted by the racist local police in the late ‘60s, but when he teams with a local Black Panther activist (Black Panther’s Letitia Wright), a protest march turns into a tense court trial for a number of people involved in it.

16. I Will Make You Mine (Gravitas Ventures) – Actor Lynn Chen’s directorial debut was actually the third movie in a trilogy of indie films centered around musician/songwriter Goh Nakamura, who appeared in all three films. I watched this the first time thought it was just okay. When I realized it was part of a series of films, and I went back and watched the other two movies, I was completely blown away by what Chen did within this finale. With movies, you generally only have a limited time to explore its characters, but like Richard Linklater’s “Before” movies, this movie helped to really create depth in the characters by revisiting them. I was kind of shocked that I hadn’t seen the other movies – few critics have – and though only 18 other critics reviewed this one, the film is still 100% on Rotten Tomatoes, which should tell you how good it is.

17. Sylvie’s Love (Amazon Prime Video) – Tessa Thompson and Nnamdi Asomugha starred in Eugene Ashe’s 50s-60s-set romantic drama about an early television producer and a jazz musician, following their relationship after a summer fling that ends with him leaving for Paris. Separated for years, she remarries and raise the child from her former lover, but then they reconnect and… well, you’ll have to watch it for yourself. It’s on Prime Video right now, so if you’re a subscriber, you have no reason not to. (And Erik Davis of Fandango had a great idea… watch this as a double feature with McQueen’s Lovers Rock from “Small Axe Anthology”!)

18. The Traitor (Sony Pictures Classics) – Last year’s Italian section for the Oscar International Film was a fantastic The Godfather-like crime-thriller, this one starring Pierfrancesco Favino as Tomassso Buscetta, a Palermo-based Casa Nostra family member responsible for the heroin trade in the ‘80s who flees to Brazil. It’s an amazing story showing that filmmaker Marco Bellochio did his research to create a movie that didn’t really get the critical love or attention it deserved.

19. Weathering With You (GKids) – And here is Japan’s selection for the Oscar International Film, a rare Anime film, this one by Your Name director Makoto Shinkai, this one more about a fantasy-romance about a young man who meets a young woman who can control the rain, which they turn into a lucrative business. I didn’t love it quite as much as Your Name, which was a truly inventive turn on the “body-switching” movie, but this also had some of the same characterizations that make Shinkai’s work so terrific, so it was impossible not to enjoy how it translated into his latest feature.

20. Lingua Franca (ARRAY Releasing/Netflix) – Trans filmmaker Isabel Sandoval’s film was released in the same weekend as another movie with a trans lead, Flavio Alves’ The Garden Left Behind. While they were both good, Sandoval wrote, directed and starred in her movie which was about her character Olivia having a romance with a guy surrounded by transphobic bros. Olivia is also trying to get her green card, and the immigrant aspect of the film really added a lot to what seemed like a deeply personal film.

21. The Outpost (Screen Media Films) – I’ve been a fan of Rod Lurie’s work for almost as long as I’ve been writing reviews. In fact, one of my very FIRST movie reviews was for his movie The Last Castle in 2001. I’ve also been fortunate to call him friend. I’ve watched Rod transition into quite a skilled television director, but I been waiting over ten years for him to make a movie as good as his amazing political thriller, Nothing but the Truth. Working from Jake Tapper’s non-fiction novel, Lurie created a full-on and unapologetic war movie as good as Peter Berg’s Lone Survivor, Blackhawk Down or any other modern war film… but also a film as personal as any others released this year.

22. The Trial of the Chicago 7 (Netflix) – Aaron Sorkin’s second film as a director stepped things up, WAY up, as he decided to take on one of the more noted events that signified the famed “Summer of Love” of 1969, as a number of peaceful protesters were tried by the federal government for “inciting a riot.” The amazing cast included Eddie Redmayne, Sacha  Baron Cohen, Yahya Abdul-Mateen 2, Michal Keaton, Mark Rylance, Frank Langella, Jeremy Strong and many more. It was an abundance of acting riches and when you have such a fine wordsmith in screenwriter/playwright Sorkin, it’s hard to go wrong. The thing is that by the time I saw this, I had already seen Steve McQueen’s Mangrove, which in my opinion is a far superior version of a similar story from the same time period.

23. Words on Bathroom Walls (LD Entertainment/Roadside Attractions) – A movie I didn’t expect much from but totally fell in love with was this romantic drama starring Charlie Plummer as Adam Petrozelli, a young man sent to a Catholic School where he hopes to keep his schizophrenia a secret from his new classmates. The film co-starred Taylor Russell from Waves as Adam’s friend and love interest, who also gets worried about Adam’s erratic behavior whenever he goes off his meds. Adam’s condition was shown by the personalities he interacts with, played by Anna Sophia Robb, Devon Bostick and Lobo Sebastian, but the movie also stars the great Molly Parker as Adam’s mother and Walton Goggins as her live-in boyfriend. All of this adds up to a great coming-of-age film from Thor Freudenthal that also became one of the first couple movies since March to test out theatrical waters months after the pandemic shutdown.

24. Sputnik (IFC Midnight) – An amazing Russian sci-fi thriller from Egor Abramenko (remember that name!) that’s likely to be compared to Alien  but adds so much more depth by taking place in communist Russia during the ‘80s. It stars Pyotr Fyodorov as a cosmonaut who brought something back with him from space and Oksana Akinshina as the psychologist who has to figure what is happening. It starts quite, reminding you of the original Russian film Solaris, but by the end, it gets pretty insane. More than anything, it finds a way of doing something original within an overused sci-fi trope.

25. Parallel (Vertical Entertainment)  - Similarly, I had pretty low expectations for Isaac Ezban’s sci-fi/horror film about a group of Silicon Valley friends who discover a mirror that allows them to travel to and from alternate versions of their own dimension, which they use for criminal activities. Soon, some of them have gotten out of control with the power and money that this access gives them, but like Palm Springs, it’s a great take on another overused sci-fi trope that’s done so beautifully. (Warning: There have been a LOT of movies with this title in the last five years. Make sure you choose the right one!)

Honorary Mentions: The Prom (Netflix), Kindred (IFC Midnight), On the Rocks (A24/Apple TV+), Yellow Rose(Sony), Misbehaviour (Shout! Factory), Premature (IFC Films), Spontaneous (Paramount), The Climb (Sony Pictures Classics)

Oh, and as a reminder, here’s my top 10, this time with links to my reviews where applicable:

10. One Night in Miami.. (Amazon Prime Video) 9. Pieces of a Woman (Netflix) 8. Sound of Metal (Amazon Prime Video) 7. Mulan (Disney+) 6. Synchronic (Well GO USA) (Tied with Disney+’s Hamilton) 5. Nomadland (Searchlight Studios) 4. News of the World (Universal) 3. Minari (A24) 2. Corpus Christi 1. Promising Young Woman (Focus Features)

And some MORE DOCS I liked that didn’t make my Top 12 over at Below the Line:

13. Robin’s Wish (Vertical) 14. PJ Harvey: A Dog Called Money 15. 76 Days (MTV Documentaries) 16. Rebuilding Paradise (NatGeo) 17. The Fight (Magnolia) 18. Collective (Magnolia) 19. Stuntwomen: The Untold Hollywood Story (Shout! Studios) 20. We Are Freestyle Love Supreme (Hulu) 21. My Name is Pedro (Sweet 180) 22. Crock of Gold: A Night with Shane MacGowan (Magnolia) 23. You Cannot Kill David Arquette (Super) 24. Feels Good Man 25. Suzi Q (Utopia Distribution)

The Terrible 12 of 2020!:

And it’s the moment you’ve been waiting for -- and the reason I guess most people are reading this -- so I apologize for making all five of you read through all the great movies and docs of 2020 before getting to the juicy stuff. Let’s get to it!

12. Superintelligence (HBO Max) – There was a time when I loved Melissa McCarthy – years before Bridesmaids – but her success after that film and her decision to keep making movies with husband/director Ben Falcone has only led to a few halfway decent comedies. (I didn’t think The Boss was that bad, but that’s cause it co-starred Kristen Bell.) So imagine if you’re one of the first big studio comedies to be dumped to Warner Media’s new streaming service, HBO Max, and that was almost SIX MONTHS BEFORE COVID HIT! How bad could a movie be to have that little support and confidence from the studio? Well, I found out that very thing, as I sat through this horrible movie that had McCarthy play another one of her usual “everywomen,” this one who encounters an Artificial Intelligence, voiced by James Corben, who has achieved sentience. Trying to learn what it is to be human, the AI starts giving McCarthy’s character everything she wants, including a relationship an old workmate, played by Bobby Canavale. The movie wasn’t very funny but it also branched into a rom-com plot that just didn’t suit either McCarthy or Canavale, so yes, quite an epic fail.

Rotten Tomatoes Quote: “'Superintelligence' is not a term I'd use for whoever greenlit this piece of crap.”

11. Hubie Halloween (Netflix) – I don’t think that Hubie Halloween was anywhere near Adam Sandler’s worst movies ever, and probably not even his worst for Netflix – although there have been some VERY bad ones. The problem is that any opportunity Sandler was given in this movie to show he can deliver something other than “more of the same” had him instead resorting to the physical humor that appealed to his fanbase. And yet, it wasn’t even the worst movie to come out that week it debuted on the streamer. (See below.)

Rotten Tomatoes Quote: “A perfectly fine Netflix movie, not something I’d ever want to have to sit in a movie theater watching with others.”

10. Max Cloud – This sci-fi-action-comedy didn’t have a terrible premise – I mean, I enjoyed it in all three Jumanji movies --  but it was marred by being such a monumentally badly made movie that stars one of the one actors in the business, namely Scott Adkins. Set in 1990, Adkins plays the title character in a video game, in which a teen girl finds herself transported as a character. If you wondered what a Jumanji movie would look like in the hands of a completely incompetent cast and crew, well, here you go.

Rotten Tomatoes Quote: “Pretty awful, a bad faux video game movie that should have had its plug pulled.”

9. The Stand-In (Saban Films) – Not to be outdone by her frequent co-star Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore threw out all of the love she’s garnered from previous movies and her new talk show by playing dual roles of a raunchy comedy star best known for her pratfalls (so kind of a cross between Sandler and Melissa McCarthy?). Barrymore also played her nearly identical stand-in who didn’t get as much acclaim but gets to stand in for her famous lookalike when the latter goes on a bender and ends up hiding in her mansion for five years. Not sure why Barrymore thought this would be a good way to put her back on the movie screen, but yikes… one of her character’s big gimmicks is falling face first into a pile of horse shit – not funny and just plain gross.

Rotten Tomatoes Quote: “Guarantees Barrymore a double-dose Razzie nomination.”

8. The War with Grandpa (101 Studios) – For whatever reason, I decided not to review this Weinstein Co. cast-off family comedy starring Robert De Niro and Uma Thurman. Maybe that’s because I hated the movie so much I could barely get through it, and with a Friday review embargo, I just decided not to waste any more time thinking about it. So why didn’t it end up lower, you ask? I have no effin’ idea.

Rotten Tomatoes Quote: N/A

7. Pearl – There have been some bad young adult romances over the past few years, and while I don’t think Bobby Roth’s is actually based on any existing book, it might as well have been, because it was very, very bad. It stars Larsen Thompson as a 15-year-old piano prodigy who is sent to live with her unemployed film director uncle, played by Anthony LaPaglia, who was so super-creepy in that role. I don’t remember much else, since I deliberately scrubbed my memory of this movie’s existence.  Little did I realize that I’d be watching an even WORSE version of this movie a few months later.

Rotten Tomatoes Quote: “LaPaglia is way too good an actor, who deserves better than this.”

6. Black Water: Abyss – Another movie I watched late in the week and just didn’t have time or bother to review. Honestly, I remember very little about this. I think it involves crocodiles? Who knows, who cares? Not me or anyone else I expect. Everything about this movie was pretty bad.

Rotten Tomatoes Quote: N/A

5. The Turning (Universal) – Probably the biggest studio movie to wind up on this list, and possibly the only reason I didn’t review this was because I interviewed the director, Floria Sigismondi (The Runaways), who is generally a pretty awesome artist. But I love the original source material on which this is based and seeing how much better Netflix’s The Horror of Bly Manor was a few months later just made me a little sore that a movie starring the great Mackenzie Davis with Finn Wolfhard and Brooklyn Prince could end up with one of the lamest endings of a horror movie in recent memory.

Rotten Tomatoes Quote: N/A

4. Butt Boy (Epic Pictures) – Tyler Cornack’s comedy-slash-thriller was my worst movie of the year for many, many months until the three movies below it reared their ugly heads. Still, this one is pretty ugly as it stars Conack himself as Chip Gutchel, a man who becomes obsessed after a proctology exam so that things just keep vanishing up his own asshole. Yeah, I think my RT quote is fairly apt.

Rotten Tomatoes Quote: “I wouldn't recommend this to my worst enemy.”

3. Buddy Games (Saban Films/Paramount) – The fact that Josh Duhamel’s directorial debut came out the same week as Superintelligence yet ended up lower on this list is fairly telling. It involves Duhamel and a group of his friends taking part in ridiculous competitions for money, and shows what happens when these friends reunite five years later to throw another Buddy Game. It was just very low-brow and disgusting and a not particularly funny take on the Jackass movies. There was scene that almost made me stop watching.

Rotten Tomatoes Quote: “To call Buddy Games moronic, idiotic or even asinine, would be an insult to morons, idiots or asses, who are also likely the movie's target audience.“

2. Sno Babies (Better Noise Films) – This poorly-conceived “Afterschool Special” that follows a high school senior named Kristen (Katie Kelly) and her ever-growing drug addiction was almost like a young adult version of Darren Aronofsky’s Requiem for a Dream if just about everything about the movie was bad from the writing to the acting to just really horrible images that no one would want to watch or be put through. If the film just followed Kelly���s character, maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad, but it’s a narrative that follows a bunch of characters including a couple wanting to have a baby… and when Kristen becomes pregnant due to her being on drugs, well, you can probably guess where it’s going. The only movie this year that had me literally yelling at my laptop like a lunatic.

Rotten Tomatoes Quote: “The people who made this movie should never be allowed to make another movie again.”

1. Dead Reckoning (Shout! Studios) – Scott Adkins makes his second appearance in the Terrible 12 with a movie in which he plays an Albanian terrorist. In fact, when I first heard about this movie and the fact it was directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak, the cinematographer/director behind Romeo is Bleeding and lots of trashy action flickers from the Aughts, it made me expect something in that vein. Instead, this is another young adult drama set in Nantucket with K.J. Apa from Riverdale playing Adkins’ brother who falls for a local teen lush, played by India Eisley, who proceeds to chug alcohol in every scene. Oh, her parents were killed in a terrorist act… coincidence? I think not. Eventually, we learn that Adkins’ character is planning a terrorist act by blowing up a boat on the 4th of July, and that’s maybe an hour or more into the movie. And yeah, there’s a number of action scenes awkwardly shoehorned into the story as well… Adkins’ fight with a nurse trying to help him was particularly hilarious. But the fact that the movie is being sold as “a thriller inspired by the Boston Marathon bombing in 2013” just makes the whole thing even more awkward and insulting. This one ends up in the “What on earth were they thinking, whoever financed this movie?” box.

Rotten Tomatoes Quote: “The only way to have any fun watching this disaster is to play a drinking game where you take a drink every time Eisley's character takes a drink.”

That’s it for this year…. Happy New Year and on to 2021!

[midnightiscoming-kasabian]

Kasabian: 'A minute ago we were 16 ... but we are still doing what we love'

25/05/17

It's 20 years since Kasabian started recording music in Serge Pizzorno's house. Ahead of a Belfast gig, the Leicester boys tell Joe Nerssessian how they went from being mere Britpop graduates to arguably the UK's biggest band.

Keep reading

In May 1997, as Tony Blair walked through the gates of Downing Street while the UK was revelling in Eurovision glory and Donald Trump was divorcing his second wife, two teenage boys, fresh from sitting their GCSEs, were sitting in a sunny bedroom in Leicester recording music.

Twenty years later and Labour are back in opposition, the UK's Eurovision efforts appear futile, and Mr Trump is the controversial leader of the free world. But those 16-year-olds? They've just scored their fifth consecutive number one album and, like they do almost every summer, are preparing to headline a major festival.

Love or hate Kasabian, they've confounded the cull of UK rock bands borne from Britpop. And with their latest record, For Crying Out Loud, arriving to critical and popular success, it's very difficult to ignore their longevity.

"It's mad that we had just left school," says Tom Meighan, sitting alongside his best friend of those two decades.

"It would have been this time almost exactly. It was during our GCSEs in April, in the early summer. I was working in a Doc Martens factory and I remember going to Serge's on the bus and we were recording. It was dead sunny outside - I can still smell the garden, I can see it all now, that was 20 years ago."

Sergio Pizzorno exhales. "Whoosh, gone."

Moments earlier, the pair could be found rifling through their publicist's CD collection. Meighan, with child-like abandon, grabbed at several "Texas! .... Rufus Wainwright ... Depeche Mode."

They are very different from each other, these two rock stars. The frontman leans forward and back again, eyes darting around the room. He quizzes Pizzorno on what to say and aims most responses at his bandmate, who is calmer, relaxed.

Meighan cackles madly in response to a question about the contrasting year they endured in 2016.

While the tall, skinny guitarist and songwriter wed his long-time girlfriend, Meighan split from his own long-term partner. He admits the upbeat nature of Pizzorno's writing on For Crying Out Loud kept him going.

"I don't know where I would be if I hadn't have heard Acid House or any of the beautiful songs that Serge has written," he says.

"It saved me, it really did. It gave me hope. Everything was negative in my life and it picked me up and gave me a new lease. I just needed it and something to focus on."

"I wrote the first 10 tracks really quickly", says Pizzorno as he volunteers an explanation of the album's journey.

"That's the key to what this album is. It's very concise and it is a feel good, uplifting record.

"I think if you make an album over a year, then you go through more ups and downs."

Notably, that short period early last year coincided with the band's beloved Leicester City upsetting all the odds and winning the Premier League title.

Meighan takes off where the guitarist left off. "Imagine if he'd written a depressing record?" he says. "I'd be s******* it."

The cheerful mantra of the album is insistent. As one reviewer wrote, it can feel a little like someone shouting "cheer up, love" down your ear for an hour. But it's largely been well received, although one negative was the reaction to You're In Love With A Psycho. A mental health charity called the use of 'psycho' and the track's accompanying video, which is set in a psychiatric ward, "damaging and disappointing".

Unaware he is mocking Donald Trump, Meighan calls their reaction "sad", while Pizzorno reasons, "It's how people round our way talk".

He adds: "It's (like) when I say to my missus, 'I'm gonna get home at 12 at night', and then I don't come home until Tuesday, and she rings her mates and says, 'Ah, he's gone psycho. I've not seen him all day'. They're taking it the wrong way."

At this point Meighan, perhaps reminded so much of his school days by the talk of 1997, appears to return to the classroom as he asks for permission to visit the toilet before remembering himself and, chuckling, wanders off.

A few weeks before the album's release, the band took over Kentish Town Forum for a three-night residency and will headline Reading and Leeds festivals for the second time in August where they tease a "surprise" is in store, but won't elaborate. They've also headlined Glastonbury twice.

In an era where UK bands are struggling to top the bills on the biggest stage, what do they think about the lack of guitar groups?

"It's beyond a massacre... devastation, honestly mate," says Pizzorno.

"To headline a festival you need four or five big albums, you can't just have one album and go, 'Waah I'm not headlining'.

"Well f****** write another good album, then write another one then write another one. Then when you headline you've f****** got 15 songs that are massive. You can't go on there with one good song because you're done."

Meighan, who has returned, interrupts: "You've gotta remember it's not just purely your fans. If you go out there like a small man, you get found out.

"But you just feel like a god, like a leader. Nothing can touch that. You feel like a giant."

Pizzorno differs. He has had to learn to enjoy the performance side, for which he developed a headspace he slides into in the walk from dressing room to stage.

The four-piece have headlined a festival every year bar one since 2010, and 20 years together have taken their toll.

"For every year we've been doing this," Pizzorno says, "we've lived five in that year, so we've lived 100 years".

"F****** hell, yeah", agrees Meighan.

"A minute ago we were 16 years old," he laughs, reflecting. "But we wouldn't still be doing it if we didn't love it."

Belfast Telegraph

[kartiavelino]

Cardi B Says Her Breakup With Offset is NOT a Publicity Stunt: “I Don’t Need No F**kin Publicity B**ch”

As Cardi B and Offset’s breakup continues to dominate gossip headlines, Cardi B desires the world to know that her cut up along with her husband is the actual deal, Holyfield. Over the weekend, Offset pulled off an elaborate stunt that noticed him crashing Cardi B’s Rolling Loud efficiency and begging her to take him again in entrance of a screaming viewers of 1000’s of followers. The rapper appeared on stage with a cart of roses spelling out the phrases “Take Me Again Cardi.” WATCH: Offset Crashes Cardi B’s Rolling Loud Set to Beg Her to Take Him Again “I simply wished to inform you I’m sorry, bruh, in individual, in entrance of the world,” Offset stated. “I really like you. No matter I received to do to point out that, I’ll do it.” Cardi regarded mortified, and the complete second was captured on video and rapidly went viral on social media, the place some people advised that the entire thing was a publicity stunt. Making issues even worse, a video clip surfaced exhibiting Offset being led to Cardi’s stage by the “Cash” rapper’s publicist Persistence Foster. Right here is backstage footage of Cardi B’s publicist Persistence Foster main Offset to the stage. Like I stated, this complete “break up” is an orchestrated publicity stunt. So these media retailers can cease utilizing this pretend state of affairs to push their anti-Black “poisonous masculinity” narrative pic.twitter.com/z8KLPs3eZl — Tariq Nasheed (@tariqnasheed) December 16, 2018 Which begs the query, if this second was so honest, why was Patientce a a part of it? Nicely, in response to Cardi herself, Patientce is extra than simply her public relations supervisor—she’s household to each Cardi and Offset. “That’s my bitch. That’s my homie. That’s like my massive sister,” Cardi stated on Instagram Stay. “She’s not like another publicist. She’s my good friend.” Cardi continued: “She has taken my husband and my sister as a consumer and he or she has helped us a lot. Yeah, typically she does a little bit extra, you wanna know why? As a result of we’re a household and he or she cares about my household. I’m not gonna let y’all drag her. I don’t give a f**okay … I’ll by no means let y’all disrespect individuals this near me.” [embedded content] Cardi stated she had no concept that Patientce and Offset had been working in tandem for the viral stunt, and he or she’s by no means mad at Patientce as a result of she is aware of she was simply making an attempt to do what she thought was finest. “She was simply making an attempt to assist a man that was telling her, ‘Yo, I really like my spouse. Please assist me get my spouse,’” Cardi stated. “I’m not gonna let y’all drag my bitch for that,” she added, threatening to delete her Instagram account and never drop her new music video for “Cash” if her followers didn’t again off. Cardi reiterated her sentiments in an Instagram Story put up, writing: “Fan or not you discuss my publicist/good friend you possibly can eat a d**okay interval.” Responding to a fan’s touch upon Instagram, Cardi added: “She was there after I gave beginning to my daughter and the one individual I’ve stored [with] me because the starting of my profession trigger all people noticed [me] as nothing however a piece of alternative. She continued: “You wanna know what’s sooo humorous? The final publicist I had after I first received on TV advised me if I don’t change the way in which I discuss or act I received’t blow up as a result of I wouldn’t attraction to massive manufacturers. [They] even [tried] to make me get a rattling etiquette class. I discovered any person who match my persona and look how far we’ve [come]. You may’t be mad at any person for making an attempt to assist any person else.” Foster responded to the observe along with her personal caption: “For these of you who query the place I stand with the individuals who MATTER!” Cardi went on to say that she didn’t need individuals to criticize Offset for “f**king making an attempt,” including that she was additionally bored with individuals saying the rapper’s actions had been a signal that he was making an attempt to control her. “I’ve been married and y’all haven’t observed that I be speaking some sexual sh** and I be saying no matter I would like and wanna know why? As a result of no one can manipulate me to vary who I’m. Interval. So cease with the sh**,” she stated. This comes after Cardi pleaded with followers to depart Offset alone. SEE MORE: Cardi B Needs Followers to Depart Her “Child Father” Offset Alone “I don’t need individuals to maintain doing f**okay sh**, saying f**okay sh**,” she stated. “I simply need issues to die down. I simply want time so we will see eye-to-eye. I can’t predict the longer term. I don’t know. However, the entire coming at my child father bullsh**, that doesn’t make me really feel any higher, as a result of on the finish of the day, that’s household. She added: “I’m not saying that I’m gonna get again along with him. I simply don’t like that bashing on-line factor. I understand how painful it is when you could have thousands and thousands of individuals bashing you each single day. I don’t like that, and it doesn’t make me really feel any higher. Interval.” Cardi additionally instantly responded to claims that her breakup with Offset is a publicity stunt, saying that she doesn’t want the publicity. She stated in a profanity-laced rant on IG Stay: “This 12 months I used to be one of the crucial tweeted b**ches. This 12 months I used to be one of the crucial searched b**ches even on f**king PornHub. Do you assume I would like f**king publicity hoe? F**okay outta right here. B**ch, I promote! F**okay is you speaking about? I don’t want no motherf**king publicity b**ch! Proper now on my dwell there’s 101,000 viewers. You assume I would like f**king publicity, b**ch?” She added: “Do you assume I would like n***as to be f**king speaking sh** about my child father? The n***a I conceived a child with? No, so shut the f**okay up. You assume I wanna give these bum a** bitches clout. So what makes you assume I wanna do that sh** for publicity?” http://feeds.gossiponthis.com/~r/gossiponthis/~3/IHdblsIKzwY/ The post Cardi B Says Her Breakup With Offset is NOT a Publicity Stunt: “I Don’t Need No F**kin Publicity B**ch” appeared first on My style by Kartia. https://www.kartiavelino.com/2018/12/cardi-b-says-her-breakup-with-offset-is-not-a-publicity-stunt-i-dont-need-no-fkin-publicity-bch.html

[anavoliselenu]

Fueled chapter 11

“You worried you’re going to lose, Ace?” I smirk. My back is toward our audience so I bend over and tie my shoe, purposefully putting my cleavage on display. When I look up, Justin’s pupils have darkened and his tongue darts out to wet his lips.

“I know what you’re doing, Selena,” he murmurs softly from beneath his smirk, “and as much as your little antics have had me wanting to push you up against that wall over there and take you hard and fast more than once since we’ve been here—regardless of who’s watching—it’s not going to work.” He flashes his megawatt smile at me. “I’m still gonna beat that fine ass of yours to the finish line.”

“Well as much as I could use a good spanking...” I breathe out, looking up at him from beneath my lashes and catch his sharp intake of air at my words “...I was just coming over here to see if you needed any help getting your motor revved up.” I smile innocently at him, although my body language says anything but.

I watch his throat constrict as he swallows, his lips twisting as he tries to prevent himself from smiling. “Oh, my motor’s running just fine, sweetheart,” he teases as his eyes travel the length of my body again. “Revved and raring to go. Do you need any help getting yours tuned and ready to race?”

I bite my bottom lip as I stare at him and angle my head to the side. “Well I seem to be running a little tight in the ass end. Nothing a quick lube job wouldn’t fix,” I toss over my shoulder as I walk back to my car, wishing I could see the reaction on his face.

The boys keep up their shouting and heckling as we put our helmets on and get strapped in our carts. I glance over at Justin and nod my head as I rev my gas pedal. And then we are off, racing side by side through the twists and turns of the track. My competitive nature surfaces as Justin noses past me. I can’t hear the boys cheering me on over the sound of the motors, but I catch passing glimpses of their arms waving frantically in my periphery. We come to the next turn and I edge the nose of my cart in first, taking the corner at full speed and powering past him. We race down the straightaway toward the finish line, edging back and forth. When we finally cross it, I’m pretty sure that I won by the hysterics from the boys and Jackson on the sidelines.

I screech my kart to a stop and jump out, unable to suppress the wide grin on my face. I pull off my helmet at the same time Justin does and when I turn to him, I swear his grin is as wide as mine. I do a silly, little victory dance around him to amuse the boys who are doing their own celebrating. He just shakes his head, laughing at me with a genuine, carefree smile on his face.

“Ha!” I smirk at him. “How do you like them apples?” I taunt as I follow him to the little office at the edge of the track and out of the spectators’ view. The minute we’re out of the boys’ line of sight, Justin spins me around and has me pinned against the wall. His long, lean body presses against every curve of mine as if we fit together like yin and yang.

“Do you have any fucking clue how turned on I am, Selena?” He growls at me. “How much I want to take what you’ve been flaunting in front of me all afternoon?”

It takes every ounce of my concentration to appear unaffected by him. Every ounce. I arch my eyebrows at him in nonchalance. “Well I have a feeling that your dick pressing into me is an indication.”

“God, I want to fuck that smirk off your face right now.”

His words alone incite my core muscles to clench at the mere thought. I never realized that the act of seducing can provoke equal parts of desire in both parties.

My nipples harden at the feeling of his firm chest pressed against them. His breath feathers over my face and his eyes remain locked on mine. He tilts his head forward and meets my lips, his tongue licking between them, and tangling with mine. There is a quiet passion to his kiss, and I groan as he releases me, leaving me wanting more.

“I couldn’t agree more, Selena, but I gotta get going…and I have a feeling your fan club is going to come barging through that door any moment.” He takes my helmet from my hand and places it on the table at the same time the door opens up and the boys come barreling through. Justin looks over at me and arches his eyebrows as if to say I told you so.

I bite back a careless giggle when I see all of the boys carrying bundles of cotton candy. My thoughts revert to my more than memorable experience with the confection and Justin. He groans, his own little acknowledgement, causing my lips to twitch with a devious little smirk.

“One second, guys!” I yell above their raucous noise as I take a pinch from Ricky’s funnel. I step back toward Justin and deliberately run my tongue over my lips before placing the fluff of sweetness on my tongue. I close my eyes and play up savoring its taste. When I open them back up, Justin’s eyes have darkened and his jaw is set with frustration and desire—just the response I was looking for.

I lean close to his ear, purposefully withholding any touch of my body against his, my voice a seductive whisper for his ears only. “Hey, Ace?” He looks over and arches a brow at me. “I’m not wearing any panties.” I smirk. He audibly sucks in a breath in acknowledgement before I sway my hips a little more than normal as I walk away from him.

What he doesn’t know, won’t hurt him, I think as I picture the pair of white cotton underwear I’m wearing beneath my Levis.

Justin glances over at me as he listens to his publicist give him the order of events for the evening. We’re gliding through Los Angeles in a limo headed toward a charity gala. This is the first of several events in the coming weeks where Justin and I will make the rounds, formally promoting our companies’ joint venture, and hopefully enlist some participants for the car’s lap sponsorship program.

I stare at him unabashedly as I hum to Hero/Heroine floating gently through the background from the speakers. I take in everything about him that has become so familiar, so addictive, so everything to me in such a short period of time. He’s so striking in the formal tuxedo—the clothing that he’s already confessed to detesting several times—and I can’t stop thinking what a lucky girl I am. His face is clean-shaven again, and yet even without the usual shadow of hair, he still exudes the aura of careless bad boy.

It’s just something that oozes off of him regardless of what he’s wearing. He’s almost sexier with his look tonight because I know that beneath his sophisticated exterior lies a reckless rebel at heart.

Justin glances over me again, feeling the scrutiny of my stare, and a salacious smirk spreads on his lips. His eyes meet mine and I know he is aching just as bad as I am to feel our bare skin connect. The remainder of our week since the go-kart track has been filled with provocatively taunting emails and texts explaining in depth what we want to do to one another once this evening is over. My God, with words alone the man can make a woman need, crave, desire—and most likely beg if it takes too long—like I’ve never known possible. But I’m pretty confident that the unfulfilled ache goes both ways though, from the hissing of his breath when I answered the front door in my sexy, red dress.

“Okay, so we’ll be there in about five minutes. I’ll jump out before your call time and get into place while the car circles around the block,” Chase says, looking at both of us above her black-rimmed glasses. I hold a hand to my stomach at the thought of being photographed on the red carpet in front of all of those people. Yikes! I thought this was a little function. I didn’t realize it was a full-blown Hollywood filled gala with questioning press. The publicity will be good for the charity, but can’t I just sneak in the back door and avoid the spotlight?

Obviously that will never be the option if I’m with Justin.

He reaches over and squeezes my hand. “Don’t be nervous.” He winks at me. “I’ve got you covered.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” I smirk at him, our eyes doing the talking for us. I swear I can see the electricity crackle in the air as sexual tension fills the limo. Chase busies herself by keeping her head down, her cheeks staining red at our silent yet obvious exchange.

“Well, here’s my stop,” she mumbles, gathering her papers as Justin rubs the back of my hand with his thumb.

“Thanks, Chase. We’ll see you in a few minutes,” he tells her, never taking his eyes off of mine.

The minute the limo door shuts, Justin shifts and has me pressed against the backseat. His hand tangles in my loose curls, and I arch my chest off the back of the seat, aching to feel the heat of his body against mine, but he stops inches from my face. My lips part and my breath quickens as I look into his eyes. The quiet intensity held within that flash of green undoes me.

Strips me.

Fuels me.

“Do you have any idea how many times this week I’ve wanted to do this to you?” He ever so slowly lowers his lips to mine, just a whisper of a touch that has me groaning with a teeming desperation.

“Justin,” I plead as his lips withdraw a fraction, leaving my body focused solely on the slow slide of his hand up my ribcage to just below the underside of my breast before it makes the slow descent back down. My breath exhales in a shuddered sigh that has his lips turning up and eyes crinkling at the corners.

“Is there something you want?” he whispers against my lips as he pulls my hair gently back so my neck is exposed. His tongue glides a slow trail down the column, clearly drawing out the anticipation that we’ve built over the past couple of days, but I’m so addled with need, I just want him inside of me. Now. To fill the void aching for him.

“Yes. I. Need. You. In. Me. Justin. Now,” my splintered voice pants as his tongue licks at my proffered cleavage.

His laugh is low and throaty, the tenor of it filling my ears, stoking my fire of need until his tongue leaves my skin. I open my eyes, looking at him from beneath eyelids weighted with desire to find his gaze trained on my face. “You didn’t think I’d let you off—or rather let you get off—that easy did you?” He smirks and I can see the mirth dancing in his eyes. Oh shit! My body already taut with need tenses further. “You’ve given me blue balls all week, and I think turnabout’s fair play.” He smirks. “To use your term.”

As much as I want to take pride in the fact he’s confessed that I’ve successfully driven him crazy, the knowledge that my itch is not going to be scratched any time soon causes me to groan in frustration. Justin’s smile only widens at the sound, and the mischief in his eyes has my own narrowing at him in turn.

“You’ve been killing me softly all week, Selena, with your little suggestions…little teases…and so it’s time to show you exactly how it feels.”

Oh fucking hell! Seriously? What does he have in mind here? “I do know how it feels,” I try to emphasize but only succeed in sounding breathy. Desperate. “Your responses have done the same to me.”

He kisses my neck softly, working his way to my pleasure point just below my ear lobe. His whisper of a touch makes me slick with arousal. “No. I don’t think so, Selena,” he murmurs, his lips moving to my ear. “Do you know how hard it is to concentrate on a meeting, trying to hide my hard-on because I can’t get your texts out of my head? What an idiot I look like when I draw a blank at a question about wing adjustments to the car because all I can think about is savoring the sweet taste of your pussy again?” He brings a hand up and lays his palm on the base of my neck, holding my head still, so that I have no option but to meet the challenge in his eyes. “Did it feel the same for you, Selena?”

I bite my bottom lip and shake my head no, our eyes, violet to green, in a silent exchange. “Say it.”

“No.” I take in a shaky breath, completely under his spell. Captivated. Mesmerized.

“Then tonight I’ll show you,” he tells me, sinking to his knees on the floor of the limo as he moves between my legs and captures my mouth again. His tongue licks in and slowly moves with mine as his hand slides up the outside of my thigh, pushing my dress up as he goes. “Sweet Jesus.” He exhales as his fingers skim over the garter belts I wore specifically with seducing him in mind. For some reason though, I seem to think the tables have turned now.

I’m the one being seduced.

“Now I’m going to think about undressing you all night until you’re standing in your heels and these and nothing else,” he says, pulling on a garter strap so it snaps back against my thigh. The slight sting mainlines a jolt straight to my already quivering sex.

“I think you’re a little overdressed.” He smirks, the devilish look back on his face. I look at him with trepidation, all my focus on the carnal look in his eyes, until I feel his fingers dancing over the dampened silk of my panties. The slight fabric barrier mutes his touch, and I instinctively lift my hips up, begging for more.

“Justin,” I gasp.

“And I’m a little underdressed,” he murmurs, a teasing quality to his voice. I have a quick second to wonder what the hell he means by his comment, but then the limo’s cool air bathes my heated flesh as he pulls my panties to the side and the question falls from my mind. I keep my eyes on him, body humming with uncontrollable need as he ever-so-slowly trails one finger up and then down my slowly swelling folds. And I am gone—my thoughts lost to the dance of fingertips, the searing heat of desire, and the unyielding ache of need.

He leans in and teases me with a soft, tantalizing kiss—fucking my mouth with reverence—that pulls all the way from my toes and back up. He’s assaulting all my senses, hindering all coherent thoughts, manipulating my body with a focused purpose.

I cry out and into his waiting lips as he tucks three fingers into me, circling them around so that they rub all of my sensitive walls. I throw my head back without shame and emit a strangled moan, his fingers invading the depths of my sex and manipulating me in the way I so desperately need. I angle my hips up, straining to be closer, his fingers to delve deeper, needing this release brought on by him. The connection.

My body climbs. Tightens with the anticipation of my mounting orgasm. I’m so close to free falling into ecstasy that I can’t hold back the moan that falls from my lips.

And then suddenly I’m empty.

“What?” I cry, flashing my eyes open to see Justin’s green ones filled with humor and a heavy dose of lust before me.

“Not ‘til later, Selena.” A lascivious smirk finds its way on to that gorgeous mouth of his. “When I can take my deliriously slow, sweet time with you. Take you to places you don’t even know exist yet,” he says, reiterating his promise from the first night we met, except right now I have no witty comeback for him. I just want him. Now. Any way possible.

Because this time I know he can fulfill that promise. And then some.

When I start to protest, he brings a finger up to my bottom lip, and coats it with my own arousal before capturing my mouth with his. His tongue licks his way into mine, the hum in the back of his throat is sexy as hell. He frames my cheeks in his hands and then pulls back a fraction, laving my bottom lip again upon retreat. He looks into my eyes—that hum rumbling through his throat again. “My two favorite tastes in the whole world.”

I groan in frustration. Is he fucking kidding me? He can’t talk to me like that and not think I’m going to jump him and take what I want.

“Shhhh,” he whispers. “I told you it’s your turn to be tortured with need.” I close my eyes momentarily, resigning myself to having this deep, fastidious craving remain unfulfilled for the time being. “And I intend to show you just how exquisite that torture can be all night long, sweetheart.”

The dark promise of his words has my entire body thrumming with an unrequited desire and my pussy pulsing in anticipation. I have a feeling that this is going to be a very long, very frustrating evening.

“Starting now,” he murmurs, flashing me a wicked grin while he slowly moves himself down my body, and lowers his mouth to take a slow, sweet taste of me. I groan wildly at the soft swipe of his tongue that immediately renders me defenseless and leaves me his for the taking.

He slides his tongue back and forth momentarily, his fingers whispering across and spreading my swollen flesh.

“Justin,” I say in a drawn out whimper as an earthquake of sensation rocks me when he plunges his tongue inside of me. I can barely breathe. Can’t even focus. My fingers grip into the flesh of my thighs—urging, pushing, building toward the earth shattering release just within reach.

“That’s it, Selena.” He blows on my seam, my head falling back against the seat, eyes closed and body willing. “I want you just like this all night.”

I hear, rather than feel the snap of fabric as Justin falls back on his heels. And I’m so pent up with my denied release that I don’t even find it amusing that he’s claimed yet another pair of my panties. The low, guttural groan he emits has me flashing my eyes up just in time to see him wipe my moisture from his mouth with the remnants of my red silk panties. I just stare at him, lips parted, eyes wide, breath panting, and heart racing.

And frustrated.

“Is there something you want?” He smirks.

My head is clouded with need. Screw the game he’s playing. All I want is him. Right now. Urgently. “Yes. Please, Justin. Please.” I basically beg and don’t care one bit that I did.

Our silent stare is broken when his phone chirps a text. He looks at it and then up to me with amusement dancing in his eyes. “Perfect timing. It’s our turn in line.”

I just shake my head at him as my body remains in its suspended state of negligence. He smirks, smoothes my gown back down over my legs, sans panties, and sits back in the seat next to me.

And in this moment I can see it in his eyes. The razor thin edge his control is teetering on. How his body is driven with such an incredible need and fueled by such an intense, overwhelming desire. How much this little seduction of his is killing him as much as it is me.

“A single word,” he says, slowly leaning forward so one of his hands can cup the side of my face. He brushes the pad of his thumb back and forth over my bottom lip. “Anticipation.”

The simple word sends a tingle of awareness through my body. He grazes his lips tenderly against mine before pulling back a fraction. I lean in wanting to deepen the kiss and drown in the taste that I’ve been craving, but he withdraws, denying me with a seductive chuckle and a mischievous yet naughty gleam in his eye.

And for some reason, my mind picks this moment to remember the comment he’d made moments ago. “Underdressed?” I ask, my eyes narrowing in thought, trying to figure out what exactly he means.

He holds up my panties and works his tongue inside his mouth as he figures what words to taunt me with. “You see, now these have been exactly where I’ve wanted to be nestled all fucking week long. And since I haven’t been allowed to be there, neither will these.” He leans in to place the most tender of kisses on my lips before resting his forehead against mine. “Tonight, Selena,” he murmurs against my lips, “I want you thinking about me all night long. More specifically everything I plan on doing to you later when I have you alone.” He breathes out, his voice a seductive whisper that has the desire within me igniting into a raging inferno. “Where my tongue is going to lick. Where my fingers are going to grip. Where my mouth is going to taste. Where my cock is going to stroke. How my body is going to worship every incredible inch of yours.”

My hands reach out to squeeze his biceps as my mouth goes dry and my sex gets wet from the provocation of his words. He has to know I’m affected—has to know that I’m desperate for his touch already—but he continues.

“I want to know that while you are talking to all of these potential donors, looking so poised, elegant, and fucking breathtaking, that beneath this dress you are wet and dripping with need for me.” I draw in a ragged breath, his words almost too much to hear in my current state. “That you ache so much it hurts. That your pussy pulses at the thought of how later tonight my cock is going to be buried in it. For hours.” His voice is pained as he says the last words, and I have some degree of satisfaction that he is suffering as deliciously as I am. I can’t help the hum of desire in the back of my throat, as I feel his mouth curl in a smile at my response.

“Every time I look at you I want to know that I’m killing you slowly on the inside while you look so perfectly proper on the outside.” He angles his head forward and gives me the kiss that he’s been withholding from me. I’m breathless by the time he releases me. “And knowing that will leave me wanting just as much as you will be.”

He pulls back from me and shifts in the seat beside me. I’ve said nothing this entire time, and yet I feel exhausted and totally overcome from our conversation. “Underdressed,” he says, a mischievous grin tugging at the corners of his mouth as he holds up my panties and starts folding them. “You are no longer overdressed with these taken out of the picture…” He tucks the scrap of red silk into his pocket square opening and winks at me. “and now I’m perfect.”

I stare at him wondering what depths of desire he is going to bring me to tonight. A blush spreads over my cheeks and he smirks, knowing that I’m more than along for the ride. I shake my head softly at him. “You can really be naughty, you know that?”

Something flashes through his eyes which I akin to fear, but I know that’s not possible. What does he possibly have to fear from me? “You have no idea, Selena.” His jaw clenches as he looks at me, the mood is suddenly serious and I’m confused as to why. We sit staring at each other in silence for a moment before he turns to look out at the passing scenery. His voice is eerily soft and contemplative when he finally speaks. “If you were smart…if I could let you…I’d tell you to walk away.”

I stare at the back of his head, confusion bewildering me. What does he think is so horrible within him that he’s not worthy of me? The fact that after all of this time he still feels that he’s tainted by his childhood kills me. If only he would let me try and help him. I reach out and lay my hand on his back. “Justin, why would you say that?”

He looks back at me, his face guarded. “I like your naivety way too much to give you the sordid details.”

Naivety? Does he not know the horrors I have seen working at The House? Either that or it’s another excuse to run from his past. “Whatever it is Justin, it doesn't affect how I feel about you. I need you to know that—”

“Justin?” I startle as the intercom from the front of the car buzzes to us in the back.

“Drop it, Selena,” he warns quietly. “Yeah, Sammy?”

“ETA two minutes.”

He lowers the privacy partition dividing us. Sammy turns his head toward Justin. “Sammy, please get Sex here. I feel like driving tonight.”

Sex? Driving? What the fuck is he talking about?

“Sure thing,” Sammy says, a crooked smile lighting up his face before the partition slides back up.

“Sex?” I look at him like he’s crazy, glad for the change of topic to add some levity to the sudden heaviness of our conversation.

“Yeah. My F12. My baby. That’s her name.” He shrugs as if it’s the most perfectly normal thing in the world, but he lost me at F12, baby, and sex.

“Ummm, can you explain that in a language for those of us with dual X chromosomes?” I laugh bewildered.

He gives me a boyish grin that would melt my panties if I had any on. “F12 is my favorite of all of my collection. She’s a Berlinetta Ferrari. The first time Beckett drove her he told me that the feeling was equivalent to the best sex he’s ever had. It was a joke at first, but the name stuck. So…” he shrugs his shoulders, and I just shake my head at him “...Sex.”

“Collection?”

“Women have shoes. Men have cars.” It’s the only explanation he gives. I’m about to ask more when he announces, “We’re here.” He shifts in his seat so that he’s closer to the door and butterflies take flight in my stomach. “Show time.”

Before I can mentally prepare myself any further, the door to the limo opens. Even though Justin’s body standing in the doorway partially blocks the flash of cameras, I am temporarily blinded by their intensity.

Justin calls out a casual laid-back greeting to the paparazzi as he buttons up his jacket before turning to help me. I take a deep breath as I take his hand and scoot out of the limo. I exit the car and look up at him, a reassuring smile on his face. Gone is the brooding guy in the car from moments before. Hello Hollywood playboy.

“You okay?” he mouths to me and I nod my head subtly, overwhelmed by the onslaught of people yelling at us along with the repeated camera flashes. He pulls me toward him, his mouth resting against my ear. “Remember to smile and follow my lead,” he murmurs. “You look stunning tonight.” He pulls back, squeezing my hand and graces me with one of his panty wetting smiles before turning to walk the carpet.

And the only thought that breaks through the buzz surrounding us is that from this point forward, I am no longer anonymous to the press.

My eyes still have bright white spots in my field of vision, but I survived the red carpet. I feel so disoriented and oddly taken advantage of by the press’ invasive questions and incessant picture taking. I have no idea how Justin can be so relaxed in such a situation. Maybe years of practice. He was calm and polite, and avoided answering the questions thrown at him—were we an item, how long had we been together, what was my name?—and deflected them with the flash of his smile, giving them the perfect picture for their cover page instead.

Justin squeezes my hand in sympathy. “Sometimes I forget how nerve wracking that can be to someone who’s never done it before.” He gives me a quick, chaste kiss on the lips before directing me toward the ballroom. “Forgive me. I should have prepped you for it before hand.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I tell him, relaxing at the warmth of his hand on my back. “I’m fine.”

The red carpet is one thing, but I don’t think anything could have prepared me for what I’d feel entering a room with Justin. It seems as if every head in the room turns when we walk through the doorway, all of their attention focused on the man beside me. The man is just simply magnetic in every sense of the word: looks, attitude, charisma, and personality. I falter at the sudden attention. Justin feels my hesitancy and pulls me closer against his side, a not so subtle demonstration of ownership and possession to the assessing stares. The unexpected action both surprises me and warms my heart. He leans his mouth to my ear. “Breathe baby,” he murmurs, “you’re doing just fine. And I can’t wait to fuck you later.” My eyes flash up to his and the smirk he gives me tames the nerves.

The next hour or so goes by in a flash. Justin and I mingle throughout the crowd, and I’m in awe of the number of people that he knows or is acquainted with. He is so unpretentious that I find myself forgetting the circumstances in which he grew up—where celebrities are family friends and tuxedos are everyday wear.

He’s really quite charming, always knowing the right comment to make or when to add a little levity to the conversation with a light joke. He subtly works the sponsorship program into each conversation and patiently answers questions about it in a laid-back fashion that has people committing to the cause without feeling propositioned or badgered.

And he wears my panties as a pocket square—a constant reminder to me of our little interlude in the limo and the seductive promises he made.

I glance around the room and notice several women talking together and stealing glances our way. At first I assume that they’re looking at Justin because let’s face it, it’s hard not to gawk at him. And then when I take a second look, I realize that their gazes are not in admiration of Justin but rather in judgment of his date—me. They eye me cattily, sneers on their faces before turning back to each other to carry on. Criticizing me, no doubt. I try to not let it bother me or to let my insecurity get the best of me, but I know what they’re thinking. I see Tawny’s observations echoed in their looks.

[loveandwarfanfiction]

A Birthday Reunion...

One Year Later

Chris

      It's been a year since Tamar and I broke up and to be honest, it's pretty much been hell. I hated Jasmine as much as I hated myself because of how the shit went down and for three months, I didn't even speak to her unless it was about Nayah. After that, for my daughter's sake, her mom and I made it official and tried the big happy family bullshit. Out of respect for Tamar, because I wanted her back, we didn't make our relationship public. When shit was going good six months later and I considered it, my life, and Nayah's, was changed completely. That day, August 20th, 2011, Jasmine had a photoshoot that ran late...

Flashback:

      It was around 6 when Jasmine called saying she was finally on her way home and our routine was tucking Nayah in for bed together so I did my best to deal with how fussy my almost two- year old was because she's fighting her sleep due to the fact she missed her mom and was waiting on her to come home. Usually it takes about thirty minutes to get to my place from the location she had her photoshoot today so when forty-five minutes pass, I blame that on traffic. When fifteen more minutes pass by, I think either she stopped somewhere for some food or her car broke down.

     If that was the case, why wouldn't she let me know? I would've went to pick her up or understood that she couldn't wait to put Nayah to bed then head home to eat. Hell if she asked, I would've ordered a pizza or something so she could eat before she went home. With that said, I was worried. Thankful that Nayah was fast asleep because she couldn't stay up that long after her bedtime, I finally call her mom. Nothing. Now I'm not just worried but scared so I begin to dial 911 when there's a knock at the door. I sigh with relief assuming that's Jasmine and open the door to see the police.

      Considering my reputation, I instantly have my guard up but my biggest concern right now was the mother of my child. I haven't been in any trouble lately so they couldn't be here for me. If they were here for her, something bad had to happen. I couldn't shake that feeling but I push those thoughts to the side and invite the officers in praying that I was wrong. Once they're seated, I find the courage to ask what brought them here. "May I ask why you're here officers?" "Sorry to bother you Mr. Brown, I'm aware you have your daughter Nayah at the moment correct?"

      "Ok... What's going on? Why are you even bringing her up," I question them; getting pissed now. My heart is literally racing; thinking that they were about to allow Jasmine in, with Social Services behind her, to take my daughter from me. It was either that or something happened to her. "We're here about her mother, Jasmine Sanders... She was in a drunk driving accident and from her recent phone calls, it appears she was on her way here." I was lost for words and trying my hardest to hold myself together at this point; there's only one reason for giving me this news personally.

      That reason, which I didn't want to have to accept, is that my daughter's mother is gone. "She didn't make it did she," I ask clearly with a lump in my throat on the verge of tears. It took them a moment to gather up the courage to speak, it being hard to have to tell me, before they did. "I'm very sorry Mr. Brown but no she didn't... The only belonging of hers we're allowed to give you from the scene is her phone so you can call everyone and tell them the news. Again, we're sorry for your loss," they explain handing me her phone and placing their hand on my shoulder on the way out.

      I closed my front door behind them and just broke down. How do I tell Nayah that her mother's gone? More importantly, how the hell am I going to raise her on my own?! The only person I want to call right now is Tamar but she's most likely not answering. My mom won't be much comfort either; she'll start crying when I tell her which will make me cry even harder. The only comfort right I'd get right now is Nayah. Even though she's sleeping, I went up to her room and scooped her up into my arms, sat down in the rocking chair next to her crib, and held her close as I continued to cry.

      It took me a good thirty minutes to pull myself together after that before I took Jasmine's phone and started making the phone calls I'd been dreading. I started with her publicist just so they could handle getting the news out to the media and then I called her parents. Hitting dial and staying on that phone the entire time was the hardest shit I ever had to do. I'll never forget the screams and wails of her mother in the background as I talked to her father. He was clearly crying himself but staying as strong as he could and let me know how much it meant for me to give them the news.

      It was obvious that they wouldn't be able to handle telling everyone so I volunteered to call the rest of her contacts and give them the news as well. They were beyond grateful and the rest of the phone calls were ten times easier because I made the hardest one prior to them.  After almost three hours of that, I was pretty much numb; I couldn't bring myself to cry anymore. I sent Jasmine's publicist a text asking if she could tell Kae the news because there was no way in hell I was going to then sat there in silence. I NEED to talk to Tamar; to hear her voice and hopefully get closure for the two of us.

      My mom's already called over ten times but I ignored her since I was busy. I also knew she'd be crying when I finally picked up, which I said I wanted to avoid, since she's heard the news by now. The other thing I didn't want to hear is her saying how she's sorry for my loss; it won't bring Jasmine back. Tay will say it too but she'll also try to take my mind off of this bullshit; no matter how pissed she is at me and right now, I needed that. After I dial her number, I was having second thoughts so I took a deep breath, hit the green phone button on the screen, and let it ring; hoping she'd answer.

      "What Chris?! Didn't I tell you to leave me the hell alone the last time you blew up my phone?! I almost changed my number but I thought you finally got the message when you didn't call me again," she yells at me when she picks up on the final ring before her voicemail. At least she answered! "I know. I did get the message but I need you right now... They haven't confirmed it on the news yet but it was Jasmine in that drunk driving accident earlier tonight..." "Oh my God... I didn't know! Is she..." I could tell she didn't want to finish her statement hoping Jasmine was ok. If only she was...

      "No... Tay she isn't... Nayah doesn't have a mom anymore..." Just that alone almost made me want to cry again but Tamar was my rock even if we weren't together. She gave me the strength to keep it together. "Chris... I; I don't know what to say... I'm not gonna say what I should because that won't bring the person back but I will say that this sucks..." "You can say that again," I thought to myself before I responded. "I agree... And thanks for that... I needed it." "No problem," she starts off being interrupted by someone telling her to hurry up before they're late. "Hold on Toni, I'll be right there!"

      Now I know who was rushing her; one of her sisters. I'm just glad it wasn't another nigga she was going out with! "My bad Chris, I'm dragging her out to a 10:00 movie so I should go... Stay strong ok? I would say you could call me anytime if you need me but right now, with the break-up wounds being so fresh, it wouldn't be fair to me or you. I still love you so it's hard to even be on the phone with you right now and knowing that, I can't be there the way you'd deserve." "I get it. Thanks for being honest Tay and just so you know, I still love you too; more than you know." "Bye Chris..."

Flashback Over

      That was the last time I got in contact with Tamar, she really did change her number after that night and less than a week later was Jasmine's funeral. Ever since then, I've been struggling as a single dad. Kae had Drake's baby right after the accident too but that was the least of my worries. My main focus after the FAME tour was my daughter and I just started my new album Fortune; not even winning a Grammy made me want to get back to the music. The only reason I was in the spotlight during this time was if Jasmine was mentioned or if I was sighted with our daughter.

      On social media, I had so many people coming at me; blaming me for the tragedy. Some even went as far saying bullshit like "Just kill yourself! Your daughter would be better off without you and you should've done us that favor after putting your hands on Rihanna!" That's what I meant by Kae and Drake's baby was the least of my worries and why I said goodbye to my Instagram and Twitter for a while. When I returned to them last week, I changed my username from @fuckyopictures. I still post shit but before I scroll through the comments, my management looks first.

      They delete the negative shit and block the users leaving it. Being a father, I don't have time to roast niggas if they say the wrong thing. My ass will do it too; no filter and no fucks given. Anyway, with me working on a new album, I was going to be busy in the studio and everything that goes with promoting it when it's done so I wanted to take Nayah on a mini vacation. I felt it was best to get out of Cali so we flew into Tampa last night so we can go to Busch Gardens today. For once, my baby girl didn't ask for her mom the moment she got me up to start the day so I felt good.

      The sad thing about that was how I think that she finally realized Jasmine's not coming back. That breaks my heart since she's turning three on the 27th. Today however was MY birthday. Considering the tough time I had with my baby mama's death, I didn't see any better way to celebrate than be with my baby girl. No friends or family other than her. After I got the us ready and we got inside the amusement park, we were having a good time. She enjoyed Elmo and everybody on the Sesame Street safari and it was hot as hell so we were heading towards the water ride that I hoped was kid friendly.

      That's when the unexpected happened. I saw a camera crew and I heard a lot of laughing because somebody got drenched on the ride. Ok, I have an almost three-year-old so it's NOT kid friendly. Can't blame a nigga for trying.  We'll just get something to drink on the way to the next kid attraction. Apparently it's called 'Treetop Trails.' Anyway, after I look at my map of the park and start heading in that direction, more than happy I CAN get something to drink on the way, the laughing behind me halts and there was total silence. Then I hear: "O, shit! It's Chris!"

      "Traci would you shut up before he turns around and sees us?! He's with his daughter for crying out loud!" I knew that voice from anywhere and I was hoping that was her but the chances of us being here at the same time, and while she and her family are filming their show, were pretty slim. Unless it IS her... I thanked God as I turned around; seeing Tamar again for the first time in a year. My nerves got the best of me for that reason but I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind anyway: "Hey Tay... Braxtons..." Things just got awkward as fuck but if I get to see her again it's worth it!

Tamar

      I didn't know what to do or say right now... The fact Chris was here out of all places at the same time I was here was way beyond crazy. So many emotions were going through my head at once and I couldn't handle it. Seeing Chris did that to me and I just couldn't handle it. Before I knew it, I was taking off and heading to the RV my dad rented for the day but without hearing my sisters saying: "Tamar!" "Tay; wait!" Right now, I just had to get away. Seeing him with Nayah was too hard and it didn't help that we happened to run into each other again on his birthday of all days.

      My dad noticed I was upset so he stepped off the RV while Chris made his way inside. He most likely left his daughter with my sisters and like I hoped my mom wouldn't, she ended up getting off the RV too so my ex and I could have a moment alone. For a moment, it was silent and it didn't look like either of us was saying anything anytime soon so I broke the ice. It wasn't easy either; I was actually dreading it. That's why all that I managed to get out was: "Happy birthday..." Not "Hey; How've you been and happy birthday by the way," but just fucking "Happy birthday!" Nice going Tamar!

      "You remembered... Thanks." Ok; he's just as nervous! That makes me feel a little better! "It's hard to forget when Team Breezy made the hashtag #CincoDeBreezy because it's on Cinco de Mayo," I reply. "Right... So, how've you been?" "Good... still struggling with finishing my album, but good. I should really be asking you that question though..." This shit was way too awkward. I mean when isn't having a conversation with your ex though? And considering the last time we spoke, I'm surprised I'm the first person to even bring Jasmine up. Hell; I'm surprised that I'm even talking to Chris right now!

      "I just started working on my new album and I'm just now adjusting to being a single father, a year later. I'm ok though... I got a Grammy for FAME," he says taking me out of my thoughts. Him mentioning his Grammy had me smile inside; I was proud of him. He made it back on top after what happened with Rihanna and I couldn't be happier for him. "I was watching, and cheering, when Taraji called your name. I contemplated calling you too, to congratulate you, but after our last conversation-" "Tay... I get it. Now can we cut the bullshit here? Why did you run off like that? Do you hate me that much?"

      For the first time since running into Chris, I started laughing. One, I saw that coming and two, I was pretty much playing with his emotions to get back at him before I made the move that would make us officially back together again. That move was walking  up to him and placed my lips on his. "Don't you get it?! Like I said last time we talked a year ago, I still love you. I could NEVER hate you and you tried it for even thinking that I do," I tell him when I pull away only to be pulled back in. "I missed you too. And I will NEVER hurt you again. I promise. I love you WAY too much to."

      I nod as he pulls me into his arms and I cry into his shoulder. After a moment, I'm done balling my eyes out so I finally speak again. "You better not Chris. I won't be cheated on again and play nice a second time around." I meant that shit too. I stayed when Vince cheated time and time again; which is why I was so quick to leave Chris when I found out he cheated too. I deserve better so I made him hurt from losing me so he'd learn his lesson. I hadn't thought like that until Jasmine's death though; before then, I was done. "I know Tay. So... Can we head back out now? We're at Busch Gardens!"

      As much as I wanted to, there was something I had to do first. I just had to find out how I'd do it. "I-I can't... It's a family day and we've been filming all day so I have to stay with them. I can't just have you tag along with us like this no matter how much I want you to." Chris didn't even have a chance to respond because we heard: "Just go with him Tamar," Trina and Toni said in unison from outside the front door to the RV. "And take Nayah too," Traci adds; confirming how everyone was spying on me. Since they brought up Chris' daughter, I had to do what I mentioned earlier before my mom did.

      "Wait just a minute now, Tamar-" "Momma, I got this. Chris, there's someone I want you to meet. They're in the back sleeping." Now I'm nervous as hell; who knows how he'll react. By the time I start heading to the bedroom to join him anxious to see what he'd do and say, I see him walking out crying and holding and almost four month old in his arms. The sight before me made me weak in the knees too... I was way too emotional. "Tay..." I stopped him there and didn't let him say another word. Not without me explaining myself first so he knew all of the details which he deserved.

      "Before you say anything let me explain. I suspected so the day we last talked, I made an appointment for the day of the funeral. I wasn't saying anything when I didn't know for sure; especially with what happened to Jasmine. When I got it confirmed, I wanted to tell you but I already changed my number and to be honest I was still pissed so I waited. When I was ready to tell you, I just found out the sex in an ultrasound but I knew you were still grieving and had Nayah to think about. With that said, it was more of trying to find the right way to tell you at that point until I went into labor."

      I paused for a short moment and then continued. "That same night, you had that scare with Nayah and her crazy fever. I could've told you then since you were in the hospital once you knew she was ok but that wouldn't have been good timing. The whole time the doctors were working to get her fever down, I know Jasmine's death hit you all over again; that being one of the times you wished she was still here. That and how harsh people can be is why you disappeared with Nayah until the Grammys three months ago. I couldn't tell you then because that would be selfish."

      When I finished, there was complete silence. Now I was waiting for him to either lash out at me for keeping it from him, even though he was going through hell, or be understanding. The smile on his face gave me my answer right away. "I saw your mom that night and she explained everything then let me meet him. She also sent me pictures every chance that she got. The only thing I don't know is his name; she saved that for you." Both of us were crying now, and smiling, as I introduced the two of them. "Then I would like to let you meet your son Trenton... Trenton Maurice Brown."