#like actually the hardest I've cried

[jetsetlifemademeghost]

Wolfwood's death (Trigun Maximum) HURT.

Like, WW spent all his life after getting turned into The Punisher thinking that he's dirty of sin, unfitting for the children of the orphanage, and that he has no place in there, the home he know.

But the second the paper confettis shower him, seconds before his death, he realized that it was never that way. That his orphanage, his one and only home, will always wait for him when he's gone and when he returns they will always accept him just like they used to.

And in the end, he died there, knowing that he's finally, actually home.

[strawberryvanillafrosting]

success life story ♡

heyy i'm here to share about my success story, the beginning is only before i started manifesting and about when i just started, all my success are on the very end of the blog, so feel free to skip directly at it if you're not interest by all the rambling !

have a good read ☆

michiko is so pretty, i've literally been told so many times i looked liker <3

the old story that i don’t live in anymore

okay so before i didn’t hate my life, at all, but i just found very dull and so poor of entertaining like it was just too fucking regular and repetitive.also a bit depressing. i thought of myself of such an unlucky girl before and i was like affirming all the fucking time that i was unlucky and guess what? everything really used to go the way i didn’t want it to go every single damn time and i’d be like i knew it im so unlucky boo-hoo.

same for the money i would just go every single fucking day rambling to my friends how poor i was and how i wanted money so bad and the same story every single fucking for days, weeks, months.

i really wanted a new appartement and my own room cause i used to share same room as my sister and it really was getting on my nerves, i had no privacy and place for myself. the apartment was small, my mum always kept complaining about it and then she would argue about my dad about it but the reason why we couldn’t move out despite trying for several months was cause my dad had whole lotta debts and my mom had a really low paying and hard job she was exhausted and, it was quiet hard to see them being this unhappy and they still tried their hardest to make us happy so i really wanted to get back at them.

about social life i had very few friends and barely went out, i'd say probably one time a month. and i really wanted to get that life of the party, and those big ass friends group and also i was crazy desperate about having black friends cause i am black and literally the only black out here without none of black friends and i felt pretty left out like wtf am i the only black girl with no black friends cause all of them (that's so dumb tho.. ) were friends and gets invited to the most fun hangouts and i was embarrassingly jealous of that and also complained a lot about it…and kept asking tf was wrong with me.

STRONGLY on this one : i wanted a relationship so bad and i kept hating and being sad to those couple on tiktok’s. one time i actually cried cuz i wanted a boys’s love so bad like i was craving it so bad. i was in such despair state before..cringy ahh ☠️

i used to be rlly insecure about my looks too even tho at some moments i felt more confident, i kept comparing myself and waisting dozens of minutes enumerating my "flaws ". i knew about manifestation but not really about law of assumption , for me manifesting was really all about listening to subliminals, method and scripting. we all once knew that phase yeah? i used to manifest from time to time but then would just give up again,since i was not seeing results and so on. so useful wow.and then there’s the others things like mediocre grades, poor family health, just constant tiredness and fatigue feeling,

tw : mention of being depressed,sh,ed, : felt empty like life had absolutely no meaning, suicidal thoughts, tried to end by over-consumption of medication, self-harm and bulimia, constant complaining and NEGATIVE ONLY mindset.

but now, NOW i tell you ever single thing i’ve just listed changed completely like every single damn thing i’ve just listed is no more, it’s out of the date, dead, buried and no longer existing !

it clicked

then at some point at my life i was just like. yk what? fuck i just wanna change it all. then i really like really  got into it all over again and for good. no more 1 week i try then giving up cause i ain’t seeing no « results ».

i watched hours and hours of ppl talking about loa (i’m not saying you should do this at all it’s just that i was very under-informed and wanted to know everything about loa)on youtube, shoutout to rita kaminski and hyler who really put me into it and informed me. then i started reading neville’s pdf books, and tumblr blogs, kinda overconsuming but i liked getting myself informed.

and then that’s where everything started and that i got aware of all the power i actually hold. all the things i actually can do just cause of my mind. i wrote down all my wishes in present tense ,like every single aspect i wanted to change/have in my life. and i started fully living in the end like really got myself into and at first of course, wavering from time to time in the beginning. it was pretty easy for me since i was used to manifestation.but what i didn’t do before is persist no matter what and that’s what was really tricky for me in the beginning to persist no matter what and not just give up to bullshit 3D. but when i kept moving forward no matter the 3D and made it facts the only my 4D matters and everything has already happened, ALL and every single wish down to the last one flowed into my life. ONE by ONE every single hour of the day i would get my manifestations down to the last letter i wrote in my notes.every single thing

success storyy

in a matter of few weeks like really 3 week-ish like- 1 month max.

starting off LUCK i’m extremely lucky now every single time i play gambling activities i win. i’ve won insane amounts at scratch cards i think i’ve won in total more than 5’000$. JUST FROM SCRATCH CARDS.and before i started i NEVER EVER WON. now whenever i play there’s not one time that i’ll win absolutely nothing even just a small prize

won huge lottery prize (from 200 to 12k the biggest i’ve won yet)

winning a gambling games, either online or dice rolling luck,bets, bingos etc.. its literally insane every one keep telling that i literally has got god’s blessing (i’m the god guys🥰)

financially freedom, my parents upgraded jobs and i’ve got lots of incomes + the money my parents give me 

all the debts my dad had, he got rid of ALL of them and when i tell you mf had a lot of em☠️

move out in a new huge ass condo which is a duplex (like really like i wrote it it’s actually scary how powerful we are..) I’VE FINALLY GOT MY OWN ROOM and we’re getting my desired furnitures and decorating the house i’m so grateful

friends and popularity i think biggest shock for me is really this. like my social life has gone from very paisible to completely fully booked and passioning life. like seriously i’ve been to more parties, concerts, birthdays, and hangouts during the last 2 weeks holidays than in my entire life

got lot of new friends, healthy relationships and quality time passed on lots of fun activities and sm memories

black groups friend. WITH AN S.so thankful to myself to be this good a manifestation i litteraly got into a black friend group of girls and i’ve never felt more at my place and understood this much. and these girls know the black group boys (when i tell you that 2y ago they were the person that i wanted to be close with so bad..also they’re really hot and funny lol)so we hung out with them and i was literally so highlighted and became pretty much friends with all of them !! 

my man. HELLO I LITERALLY MANIFESTED MY DREAM RELATIONSHIP? when i met him i didn’t actually realize right on the spot that he was exactly how i wanted him to be and reading back to when i scripted out all the things i wanted at the beginning, everything matched. he’s literally physically and mentally the man of my dream LIKE REALLY. we’re no bf and gf YET cause it’s just a little soon but we see each others super often and we have the best relationship ever i swear it’s giving wattpad. the flirting is crazyyy.

dream bod.from head to toe my desired body. heavy on the lower body all for that azz and wide hips.ive got smooth and clear skin and smell good all the time!! litteraly flawless face + got my braces which suits so much and dimples

plenty of vacations (went to ibiza, usa and dubai )

lenient parents they use to be so strict before i swear its crazy they let me go so easily now, i can hangout without asking 3 days ,like they accept even if i've gotta go in the next hour or if wanna go on trip that's in another country. i can come back home so much later too

attractive & magnetic aura + being really charismatic (everyone i met keep telling me i’ve got this thing that really makes them want me, get closer to me)

good grades without doing much

perfect self-concept - as i kept living 24/7 in the state of wish fulfilled, my self concept only got better making me really know what i’m worth and never wavering/ going back to the old story

whole ass pc set up

all of my desired skincare/makeups/shoes/clothes

and so much more...

outro

i hope y'all liked my blog and that it motivated some of you to NEVER GIVE UP cause y'all are reallyy some powerful mfs and y'all already got all of yours desires !!

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ honey kisses, shayama

[ioveaether]

cw: gn!reader; reader has anger issues; char and reader are best friends, but is implied that they're crushing on each other

It wasn't the first time of you ending up in cries and hiccups, just because you got angry at someone. And definitely it won't be the last as well.

This time it was with your parents. You just wanted to have a normal conversation with them, but ended up getting way too emotional and walking away angry, with tears running down your cheeks.

"Why are you crying now? We didn't even say anything mean."

"We didn't mean to make you cry..."

It wasn't people's fault that you get angry so easily. You always try to control yourself, to explain to people what you mean, but always end up yelling in frustration and then regret it at the end. Sometimes this anger even comes out in tears, making people think that they made you cry...

You hated it. You hated yourself for that. You hated how you lose your temper so easily. You hated how some people even think that you're not trying to control yourself. You just hated it.

"Hey, is everything okay?" A familiar voice said from behind.

You froze in place, before you sniffed slightly and wiped away your tears. "I'm fine." You answered, still not turning to face your best friend.

"It doesn't sound like that." He said back, concern obvious in his voice. "What happened?"

You stood quiet, not even daring to utter a word out, thinking that it'll come out in a shaky voice. You were even trying to hold back your hiccups, but failing miserably.

"C'mon, at least let me see your face." He said in a calm tone, now slowly approaching your form, before he sat down next to you.

"Did you get into another fight with someone?" He asked softly, his eyes finally seeing how red your face was from all the crying. His heart basically shattered at the view in front of him.

"I didn't fight anyone." You answered back, sniffing slightly. "I just..." Tears threatened to come out again, but you quickly wiped them away. You took a deep breath, trying to calm down your nerves, before you spoke. "I just got angry at my parents again.... For nothing."

"I-i didn't want to get angry at them. I just... wanted to have a normal chat with them about something, a-and i don't know what happened-" And the hiccups came back, the tears already falling down your cheeks. "I-i got super emotional at some point. I got angry, i started crying from anger and just walked away, so i can calm my nerves down."

He listened to your shaky voice, his hand slowly reaching to hold yours, to comfort you in some way.

He knew how easily you lose your temper. And he knew how you always try to control yourself, even if sometimes it was just too much. He was proud of you for at least trying, and he always told you that he'll be there to help with whatever he can.

"I hate myself. I hate how easily i get angry at people. I want that anger to be gone in some way." You confessed, squeezing his hand tightly. "I don't want to make people think they're at fault for me losing my temper. Especially people i care about."

"I even think that some people hate me, because of-"

"Okay, i'll stop you right here." He said suddenly, cutting you off. You looked up at him with a confused look, waiting for him to continue.

"No one hates you, because of your short temper, that's just your negative thoughts getting to you. And if there are people who actually hate you because of that, well fuck them! They don't know what you're going though, just to throw disrespectful comments towards you." He said in a serious tone. His hand squeezed yours, as he continued. "And i'm sure you're trying your hardest to control yourself. I've seen you. How you always clench your fists, bite your lips, pick on your nails and so many other things, holding yourself back to not explode in frustration... And i'm proud of you."

He gave you a soft smile, his free hand coming and ruffling your hair.

"Hey!" You let out a small whine, and soon giggles came out of your mouth. "Thank you..." You smiled up at him, before you plopped your head against his shoulder. "It means a lot coming from you."

"Of course. And like i said before, i'm always here to help however i can." He answered, his arms wrapping around you in a soft embrace.

You wrapped your arms around his form, burying yourself closer in the warm hug. He always had such an effect on you. Making you smile and laugh in just mere seconds. You didn't know why he was the one to make you feel like that, but you hoped it'll stay like that forever. Him being your comfort person till the end.

© ioveaether

[charliedawn]

(is it alright if I send a request?! Feel free to ignore this if not. I've heard there are some new rules regarding that?) So what if their s/o had to travel somewhere outside the country/state (could be something work/family related) for like a week or so, which Slashers would take it the hardest/easiest (basically who has separation anxiety and who is chill lol)?! Hopefully this makes sense, sorry for bad english?! I have a feeling Brahms (and maybe Jason) are in the first category, but your stories are always full of suprises so 🤷

Mature themes mentioned. You've been warned.

Jason would be the worst when it comes to abandonment issues. He would be too afraid of you leaving him forever.

He'd come up with various excuses to make you stay.

He'd wrap his arms around you and refuse to let you go. The man is touch-starved. He'd beg to come with you.

If you didn't let him ? Well...I think he'd be miserable.

Jason *whines and cries against your shoulder while holding you close* : "Stay. Please. Stay."

For him, to speak takes tremendous effort—so when he does ? That means it is important.

Do not leave the poor man alone without anything to contact you with, or you'd come back to a mess. He'd have turned the whole house into a target practice.

And believe me, you don't want to be in the way of his machete...

Brahms would be close second after Jason. He'd make you stay by any means necessary.

Brahms *breathes heavily* : "DO NOT LEAVE ME !"

His parents told him they would be gone for only a few days—but they never came back.

He wouldn't let you do the same.

He tried to get Greta to stay, but it failed. He wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

Brahms *grabs you and groans* : "If you leave me, I'll find you...I'll find you, Y/N."

The way he uttered your name made you shiver. Brahms would be close to a break down if you were gone for a few minutes. Imagine his state if it was for more than a few days ?

The moment you got back, he'd be borderline hysterical and crush you in a bear hug—crying and sobbing for you to never leave him again.

Bo has serious abandonment issues as well but—unlike Brahms or Jason—he would be more radical in his ways to make you stay.

Bo *grabs your arm and grits his teeth* "OH NO YOU DON'T !"

Bo was hated by his mother and it only aggravated his loneliness until he became...well...very self-centred and afraid of the pain.

The moment he gets attached to someone—their freedom is of no interest to him whatsoever.

Bo would rather tackle you to the ground, attach you or even have sex with you for you not to leave him.

That redneck isn't a quitter. Good luck trying to make him stay away.

"WHO THE F*CK GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO LEAVE ME, HUH ?!"

Yeah...He's not going to cry, but you might. Sorry.

And in the category worse abandonment issues we also have Vincent. Of course the other twin wouldn't be very far from the first.

Vincent is...gentler than Bo ? He wasn't hated by his family. He was actually rather liked.

So, his wouldn't be as bad—but still.

There is a reason he wanted to make all his wax statues from actual people. He is scared of being lonely...He likes to be surrounded.

And since all the people in his town treated him and his family as freaks—he couldn't make a lot of connections apart to his brothers.

He was lonely. And hence, he'd be afraid to lose the only person he ever cared about than them. You.

So, he'd be very hesitant to let you go and try to make you stay with gifts and soft touches. Try to make you understand how much you mean to him before eventually letting you go. Just so you know that you'd be taking a part of him with you.

You might be surprised, but Pennywise belongs to the category of the slashers who would be very upset by the lack of physical proximity.

Indeed, even though he hates physical touch, he is still clingy when it comes to the presence of the people he loves—one of the reasons why he stays with Penny.

So, he'd be upset, a little bit more moody than usual without you around. He'd be constantly looking at the road and unconsciously hoping you'd come back.

Pennywise *sighs deeply to himself* : "Come on, you old clown...Don't be so stupid. Come on. Stop thinking about...about..."

He'd fight against his inner demons and believe that you'd come back on your own...until the very end.

"...Oh, you're leaving, human ?"

Surprisingly enough, Penny isn't as clingy as people think he is.

He does like physical contact a lot and would be very sad to see you go, but he also knows he is a god and would be able to get to you whatever happens.

Penny is confident in his abilities, maybe too much.

So, he'd keep a smile on and giggle while waving to you when you go.

But, remember...

He's always watching.

You try to escape ? He'd know.

And he'd hunt you down. He'd make you regret ever trying to escape. He'd drag you back if he has to.

Penny *giggles darkly* : "Aww...Poor poor Y/N. Don't look so sad. We'll be together forever. Isn't that what we wanted ?"

Freddy would take it badly, but old habits die hard. He'd find a way to blame you and move on...no matter what.

"Ya think you can hurt me, huh ? Well, I've got news for you, ~sweetheart. You can go. I can always find ya a replacement."

Douchebag attitude is Freddy's defense mechanism.

You want to leave ? Fine. He'll find a way to fill the hole. Booze. Brothels. Chaos...

Whatever he can do, he'll do. Freddy needs a moral compass in order to stay in check. You and Michael fill that position.

But, if you're gone ? Then, Freddy would be missing an important part of his functioning mechanism and would go back to his old ways.

He'd be lost. Trying to find himself all the wrong ways all over again...

For his safety and others, make sure to remind him that you care for him from time to time—especially if you're going somewhere he can't follow.

And be sure to invite him into your dreams from time to time. 😉

Michael would remain himself. He'd watch you go and stay impassive. Because he knows it wouldn't change a thing.

He expects you to never come back. It would be better.

Every time he takes a knife in his hand, he wouldn't find that tingling feeling...the little voice in his head telling him to kill you.

He wouldn't be so afraid of hurting you every single day. He wouldn't have to lock his door every night because he's afraid he might wake up with your blood on his hands.

He'd even tense up when you come back.

You *smile when you see him* : "Well, hello there. Missed me ?"

Michael : "..."

You *smile falter* : "Oh...Well, okay then."

Michel *slowly approaches you and slowly hugs you*

He did miss you. He just didn't know how to tell you...or stop himself from grabbing the kitchen knife and plunging it into your heart over and over.

Michael would die before hurting you, but it doesn't mean he isn't a slasher. Or that your love for him isn't dangerous.

Arthur would put his feelings aside and try to appear cruel.

"You think I care ? ~Oh, sweetie. I've spent most of my life caring about people. Not anymore. Not ever again...So, if you want to leave me ? Go ahead. There's the door."

You have to understand, Arthur has been hurt most of his life...by life itself.

He was never lucky. He never had any friends. He was basically alone most of his life.

He wouldn't want to be kept down, and so wouldn't want the same for you. He understands the need to leave. More than anyone else.

He'd prefer you leave than stay and be miserable—like he was. So, he would never stop you from leaving, no matter if there was a risk you wouldn't come back.

Arthur *smiles and holds your hand* "...Please. Don't let me stop you. Be free."

If you want to leave ? He won't stop you.

Because that's how much he loves you.

He'd let you have your freedom. No matter what.

"I'm going out.", you said.

"Have fun, honey.", he replied. He didn't even look up from his newspapers.

"I may be out for a couple of days.", you added—waiting for a reaction.

"Sure. I'll be right here when you come back.", he answered and smiled—but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

Jack is a ghost. He doesn't really have feelings anymore and can sound cold sometimes. But, it's not because he doesn't care. It's just he knows what it is to have responsibilities.

He failed at being human—and he wouldn't want the same for you.

He would of course be worried that you'd leave forever, but honestly ? He'd be happy to let you live your life as you intend.

He doesn't have abandonment issues.

Matter-of-fact, he's the one who leaves most of the time. Of course, he wouldn't want your relation to stop so suddenly and would prefer you to come clear to him.

He wouldn't get mad, but he'd feel a little more dull and emotionless inside.

He'd become even more of a ghost than he was—but wouldn't let you see.

Jack *smiles before you close the door* : "...Bring back a souvenir, alright ? Something...something nice."

And that would probably be the only attempt he'd do to hint that he wants you to come back.

[maculategiraffe]

what's it like being ace? is it hard cause the world and media is so sex obsessed?

I think like most things (for me anyway) it's hardest before you have a word for it. before you know it's a thing.

I watch my nephew making sense of the world and so much of it is about naming things. naming what it is that he wants, how it is that he wants things to be. when he cries in frustration it's usually not actually because he can't have something he wants. it's because he can't make you understand what he wants. or how important it is. you become this looming uncomprehending/incomprehensible force that's not on his side and so much bigger and it's just unbearable

but if you can name how he's feeling. if you can say "I know, buddy. I know you really really want to be the one to plug the vacuum cleaner in yourself, and I know you know how. but the outlet can be very dangerous and it's more dangerous for you than for auntie mac. not because you're not as good as plugging it in but because your body is so much smaller and things that would only hurt a grownup a little bit can hurt you a lot. so just like you need to let a grownup pick you up and carry you sometimes, you have to let a grownup do a dangerous thing for you sometimes. just for now, while you're so little."

he listens! and he doesn't like it but he gets it. he stops crying and lunging for the outlet. he chills out

and that's the relief of having a word, a term, a description for what's going on. you don't have to be a baby for it to be an absolutely cataclysmic relief when someone says "is this by any chance how you're feeling?" and they're RIGHT

and they're like "understandable! it's called This and it's a Thing! we have a flag!"

I've always been irritated by how the hans christian anderson story about the ugly duckling gets referenced like it's a story about being ugly when you're a child and then turning pretty when you grow up. that's not what that story is about. the story is about feeling ugly and weird because you're not like everybody else and you don't understand why. and when you grow up you realize you weren't ever actually ugly, or defective. you were just something else. a different kind of bird. that you didn't know was a thing. you aren't a weird gross duck. you're a perfectly normal, actually kind of beautiful, swan. you want to meet some other swans? we have a flag.

[1-800-kami]

agnes, just stop and think a minute

gojo satoru x reader (1.2k)

" you're gone but you're on my mind, i'm lost but i don't know why. ,,

warnings: CHAPTER 236 SPOILERS, reader and shoko r going THRU it, i wrote this during a mental breakdown, denial, semi-comfort at the end

a/n: when i found out about what happened i just spent 2 hours on social media just. watching everything gojo related and i kind of wanted to reflect my reaction through this word vomit of a drabble. i haven't cried at all but i just feel so devastated and oh my god it's been terrible. rest in peace to my bb </3

based off of one of my favorite glass animals songs (agnes) that i've always associated with gojo.

you like to think that grief in your life always comes and goes.

it’s a part of being a jujutsu sorcerer. each day, new people are trained to become one, and others die the same day. there are new beginnings, and people who meet their ends. you know sorcerers out there who have completely closed themselves off just so they don’t have to experience the soul crushing feeling of grief. 

it’s like a bud, they say. a bud that forcefully plants itself in your heart, and you can do nothing but watch it grow as it takes hold of every part of your being. people describe the feeling in many ways: a weight on top of your chest that won’t cease, or a part of your heart that’s been ripped away, and nothing in your life seems to fill the remnants of it. 

you’ve experienced grief in your life many times. loss is so normalized as a sorcerer that you’ve almost lost count at this point, but the ones that have hit you the hardest are the deaths of your closest friends: kento nanami, yu haibara, and geto suguru. they haunt your thoughts every day, up until the point where everything feels asphyxiating and you sometimes want to join your friends too.

you think that geto’s death hit you the hardest. 

you remember geto’s disappearance and the night parade of a hundred demons like it was yesterday. the hardest pill to swallow about his death was the fact that it could’ve been prevented. geto’s lifeless eyes made you see parallels from the weeks leading up to his disappearance. he just needed a push in the right direction, but then you couldn’t even do that and you didn’t see all the signs of his deteriorating mental health. you just felt so guilty, even though your friends assured you that it wasn’t your fault.

seeing geto’s body for the first time after 10 years made you wail uncontrollably–and you had to be forcefully pried off of him despite your screams of protest. the most prominent thing about his body were his lifeless eyes–and guilt coursed through your veins as you knew that they were probably devoid of life even before his death.

that guilt stuck with you for a long time, and you felt it until you thought that it would consume you whole.

that’s why shoko was hesitant to show you gojo’s body.

she knows that you would have an emotional outburst again, like last time. actually, she knew this one would be worse, because geto was a best friend to you, but satoru was the light of your life. he was your lover. your soulmate, even. the reason why you were excited to come home everyday. he grieved about geto with you, and you held each other when you both cried… usually when december 24th was nearing again. you think that, without satoru, you don’t know what you would do. you kept each other sane and grounded.

so you don’t understand.

why is his body in front of you right now? why are all your students crying around you and mourning gojo’s loss? it’s all the sorcerers are talking about right now, and you just don’t get it.

he’s the strongest, so why did he fucking leave you behind like this? no, no. he wasn’t supposed to lose that fight. he said it himself. he said he’d win, right? he’d win, and he’d come home, albeit injured, but home nonetheless. he’d celebrate his victory with you, and life would go on. so why did he lie?

that’s the only word coursing through your head. why?

you tried not to think about anything right now… like how there was probably so much crimson red on that battlefield. if you saw it, you’d think that the red would leave an everlasting stain in your mind, to the point where you’ll never forget about it. no matter how many times you’d wash your hands, all that red would still be there, and you hate to think about it.

you like to think that grief in your life always comes and goes.

people describe the feeling in many ways, but if you had to describe how you felt right now, the only word you’d use is empty.

you feel so utterly empty and hollow, that you can’t even bring yourself to cry or scream.

shoko’s surprised at your reaction. when she told you what happened, you became eerily silent. your eyes and gojo’s were practically identical. both so devoid of life, that all she can bring herself to say is, “im sorry.”

what do you even say at a time like this? what do you say to someone who’s had their heart ripped apart again and again as they watch each of their friends die? for you and shoko, it’s happened four times now. four is too much. you can’t bring yourself to believe it anymore.

no. this isn’t real.

this isn’t happening right now.

you move for the first time in what seems like ages, and you place your hand in gojo’s open casket, tucking a stray pearl white strand behind his ear. you observe him for a minute. he looks so peaceful, now that he doesn’t have to worry about his infinity or constantly being on his guard anymore.

“shoko, i think he’s hungry.” you say, feeling the ice cold veins in your chest stilling.

your words catch shoko off guard. “huh?”

“he’s hungry,” you repeat simply, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. you look away from his body and turn to leave. “i’m going to go buy kikufuku for him.” 

you suddenly remember all of the dates you’ve had with satoru, where you buy many sweets like kikufuku, but he always made sure to save you some. he’s known for his notorious sweet tooth—putting one too many sugar cubes in his drinks, but he’ll always share his sweets if it’s with you. even if it was kikufuku.

“it’s his favorite after all.”

you walk out of the funeral, leaving behind the confused and sympathetic looks of everyone there. shoko sighs at your reaction—she’ll let you go for now. everyone’s processing this in different ways, so she can’t blame you for how you’re dealing with satoru’s death. she’ll just hope you’ll learn to accept it soon.

on the way to get kikufuku, you spot a pet shop nearby. there’s a fish tank on display, and you notice that one of the tanks has a white betta fish inside. it’s the same shade as satoru’s hair, and you feel your feet moving on its own as you walk to the glass. you exhale with a shaky sob, placing a hand on it. i love you, satoru. i won’t say goodbye, though, cause i’ll be there eventually.

you make sure not to say “soon” because you knew that if you took your life with your own hands instead of letting fate choose your death, satoru would never let you hear the end of it. so you’ll keep living. you’ll keep living for yourself and satoru, even though you want to join them. every single day hurts and it also hurts to even breathe sometimes. though you know, somewhere out there, satoru and your friends are cheering you on with every step you take.

wait for me… okay?

the betta fish suddenly notices your presence, and swims up against the glass. so close, yet so far. you take that as satoru’s answer. it was like you could hear his voice directly speaking to you.

i’ll always wait for you, no matter how long it takes.

you smile for the first time today, even if it was barely a smile. you felt a familiar presence with you on the other side of that glass, even if it was just for a short moment, and it gave you what strength you had left to keep moving.

[bones4thecats]

If it's okay How about dorm leaders and Floyd and Jade react to a kianna reader smashing the mirror to her world since she didn't want to go back to a place that just made her unhappy and held so many painful memories and for once she actually smiled but this time it wasn't forced/ fake

And she said something like

I'm not going anywhere

I'll always be here with you

so don't cry please

A/N: This was a very long request, and I've been working on my horror character headers, so I apologize @nunezs-stuff because it took so long. Jade and Floyd are on another post that I had made since I couldn't fit all the tags in. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it though~~

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❤️ He was there watching you leave, you, his beautiful rose was leaving him for your old life

❤️ And he couldn't do anything, he didn't want to try controlling you

❤️ He had just turned around with Trey when he heard the ear-shattering sound of glass being broken into a million pieces

❤️ When he turned around and saw you standing there with bloody knuckles and a smile plastered across your face, staring at him, he started to really cry

❤️ You destroyed it, your only way home, to be with him?

" I'm not going anywhere, Riddle. Don't cry, my king. "

❤️ He held you and smiled while sobbing his eyes out, you wanted to spend the rest of your life here, with him!

" My dear, I love you so much. " " And I you, my king. "

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🦁 He would never say it, but he adored you from the start

🦁 And after everything you both went through together, and you were just going to leave it all behind, leave him behind

🦁 Of course, Leona wasn't gonna force you to stay with him, he knew you hated being controlled

🦁 But seeing you walk to the mirror was to hard, so he turned around and began walking away when he felt arms wrap around his midsection from behind

🦁 You.

🦁 He was so filled with sadness that he didn't hear the mirror smash from your fists

" Leona, I'm never leaving you. To hell with that world, this is my world, you are my new world. "

🦁 Cue the crying

🦁 He held you so tightly that he just never let go the rest of the day, even when Malleus was there, he didn't bother with a snarky remark to his teasing, which showed the fae how much his human friend was cared for by this beastman

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🐙 Azul immediately tried to hide his tears as you walked up the stage and onto the main platform where your portal laid awaiting

🐙 Jade and Floyd smiled as you left, not allowing their emotions to show, in favor of watching over their boss

🐙 He was blocking out all sound as you left, not wishing to hear the cries of the rest of NRC you had befriended, especially Grim and the other first years

🐙 He had just ushered Jade and Floyd to leave with him when Floyd gasped and yelled out the nickname that made him freeze

🐙 The arms that turned him around and cupped his face made him allow some sound in, your voice, and what he heard made him crash

" I am never leaving you alone, my Azul, I'm staying here, there is no need to hold yourself back again. "

🐙 He smiled and buried his face in the crook of your neck and shoulder, knowing from then on, you were the perfect S/O he could ever have

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☀️ Crying

☀️ He understood that you wouldn't always be there with him, but now that it was actually happening, Kalim was bursting into fits of sobs, knowing it wasn't likely he'd ever see you again

☀️ This dorm head tried hiding his sadness the hardest he could, but Jamil could always see through such petty lies

☀️ Kalim had seen you walk to the portal and he looked to Jamil, and hearing him start yelling your name meade him stare at you in shock and worry, praying something didn't happen to you

☀️ Watching the glass burst everywhere made him smile, knowing what you had done

☀️ You broke your way home

☀️ But the real bonus was seeing your smile, the smile that he had wanted to see for oh so long

☀️ Running towards you with his arms spread out wide, Kalim hugged you, laughing loudly as everyone smiled at the sight

" Kalim, my beloved ray of happiness, I will never leave you. I promise. " " My dearest sunshine! Thank you so much for this wonderful gift! "

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👑 This guy doesn't want to ruin his makeup, but it was hard to hold his emotions back at that moment

👑 He expected Crowley to find you some sort of transport home, but this was too soon, and, for once, he wished that simple bird-brain could've held himself back for a few more measly years

👑 Vil hugged you before you walked up to the doorway home, to your true home

👑 He watched you look back at him and wink, before you winded your fist behind you and smashed the way home, right before his eyes

👑 It kinda upset him, but seeing you hug him while smiling made all of that go to hell

👑 Vil loved you, and he could push the bloody incident behind for now

" My beautiful Schoenheit, I'll always be here with you. " " And I you, my beautiful S/O. "

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🎮 This poor boy

🎮 The only way he ever saw your relationship effectively ending was from his introverted nature, not this

🎮 Seeing you talk to Ortho, calming him down as you explained why you weren't coming back hurt, it hurt bad

🎮 Idia saw you walk the way up the stairs and he could see your body tense up when nearing the top, but he hid his face in his hoodie, not wanting to be seen at the moment

🎮 He expected to hear the sound of magic engulfing your body to push you through universes, not the sound of it being broken

🎮 Idia pulled his hood down in a burst of energy and watched you look at him and smile before saying those words he would repeat in his head from that day on before bed

" I'm not going anywhere, I'm staying alongside you, my love, so please don't weep over me. "

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🐉 This prince was phenomenal at hiding his true emotions from people behind a facade of blankness, but you and the rest of Diasomnia's band knew the truth

🐉 Malleus never wanted to see you leave, and that was final

🐉 But seeing your eyes light up as Crowley and Crewel tell you the great news, he couldn't force himself to push the idea down

🐉 He watched you walk away from the hug you gave Lilia and the very, very tight ones you gave Sebek and Silver

🐉 It pained his fae heart to see you leave him, but he couldn't, no, wouldn't stop you, you were your own person

🐉 The only thing Malleus didn't expect was the loud sound of exploding glass to erupt through the room

🐉 Then the feeling of your familiar arms around him and the smile you sent his shocked gaze made his formerly frozen heart burst in flames

🐉 Especially after your words

" My dearest Malleus, please do not cry over this, I love you, and will never make you go through the same pain like before. "

[dazaiandhislovelybandages]

After hours {Gojo Satoru}

A/n: I've cried three times today because of this man and in all honesty the way I'm coping is horrible because I literally bought a funko pop of him... I need help please

Pairing: Gojo x fem!reader

Tw: mentions of death, implied sexual activities

Genre: angst

Gojo Satoru isn't one to talk after sex. It's not like he doesn't want to but let's say he likes it better when you're on your side, your back against his chest with his big hand casually rubbing circles on your stomach.

He liked feeling your skin against his. He liked smelling your sweet cologne and your shampoo since his face was practically buried in your hair. He loved the way your breathing would slowly calm down after countless intense orgasms. He adored the way the warm light coming from the fairy lights you had convinced him to hang around the room shone upon your skin. He craved having you beside him, glued against him, especially after sex.

"What would you do if I died?"

His question caught you off guard. Was it because he hated pillowtalk, or was it the question itself?

"I... I don't know... I haven't thought about it and it's not like you will die anytime soon so..."

"Sure, but what if I die from a curse or something?"

No, it was none of the above. It was the way he repeated his question.

"Take the week off." You turned around to face him. His white hair covered his right eye since he was lying on his right side. "Fuck, take the whole month off Satoru."

"I had a day off last week, sweetheart." He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

"I'm sure they'll make an exception for you."

Silence. You knew he wasn't going to answer. He never answered whenever you were right.

"Satoru... when was the last time you did something you liked?"

The silence that filled the room almost physically pained you. You knew he was going to give you half ass answers, telling you how the movie marathon with Yuji, Nobara and Megumi made him relax, mentioning your shopping date two days ago or even going as far as declaring his ten minute break between classes with Nanami talking about the bakery he was going to as the funniest day of the month.

Gojo loved his job, his colleagues -the higher-ups being an exception-, his students. He really did. He loved you. He loved you more than words could even describe but... at times it felt as if he loved everything around him except himself.

It wasn't something that shocked him. At first, it had been the pedestal others had put him on when he was born. But he had gotten used to it. He was the strongest, after all.

And then Suguru happened. A couple of days later, he met you while at a mission with his new friend.

And then Suguru happened again. And Saturu had started to hate Gojo Satoru because of the distance between himself and everyone else. Because of the difference when it came to... everything. Abilities? Responsibilities? You name it.

Soon, he realised how Gojo Satoru was... him, and no matter how much he tried, those two people were so different yet so similar. He hated how he couldn't build the distance he so hated between Gojo Satoru and just Satoru. He hated how he couldn't carve a line that separated him from the strongest. So he ended up hating himself.

It was simple math, after all.

Turning back to your side, this time leaving a small space between the two of you, you tried your hardest to keep yourself from crying.

"Take the whole month off, Satoru. Do something you like. Something you actually like because if you're going to die, it won't be from a curse. It'll be from yourself."

[bengiyo]

Top 5 BL parent-child relationships?

I actually don't think we had a ton of parents this year, but some of them were good!

Gim and Gun in My School President

When I tell you I ugly cried when they were singing Let Me Tell You at Hot Wave and I thought that might be the last thing she ever saw of her son: was him being brave on stage and doing what he loved even as he worried about her. I'm literally tearing up right now just thinking about it. She showed up as soon as her son and his friends were in trouble and intimidated people into letting them go. The last lesson she tried to teach her son was to cherish the people who love you. I love her so much.

Photjanee and Tinn's Father in My School President

It takes a lot to recognize that you may have messed up with your kid, and even more to not interfere in their affairs when you're worried. She recognized that something she had done made her loving son not trust her with something important about himself, and she turned to her husband to figure that out. Then, when the crisis moment came and someone came for her son, she put herself right in front of the opposition and said "No, don't you ever touch my son ever again." She stood in the crowd and said, "Scream louder," for his first love. This dad always has his son's back, and will do the dad thing of nudging the stern mom to relent and let them have a little fun because he trusts his son.

Jim and Li Ming in Moonlight Chicken

The hardest part about being an uncle who becomes a father is it's not something you planned. In Jim's case, he also lost his partner. Despite his poverty and his grief, Jim still gave Li Ming all of his best qualities. Li Ming is kind and thoughtful. He is righteous and stubborn. He values community. Nowhere else in this genre have we ever seen a father and son expressed like them. They are one of the most important things Aof has ever given us, and it doesn't surprise me that this is what we got out of his original work.

Shiro and His Parents in What Did You Eat Yesterday? 2

When Shiro told his father that his friend borrowed the character from his name and so the child is named Goro like him. He went on to say that he always regretted that he couldn't give them grandkids, but feels like he's done right by them by passing on what he learned from them, you could see something finally click between all of them and give them peace. Shiro's parents have not handled his queerness gracefully, and I've loved the slow work between all of them to do better by each other. Coming out of the painful barrier they put between them and Kenji in the movie, I like how much of this season was Shiro's parents undoing that.

Ueda Koji in Our Dining Table

This man lost his wife and now caring for a very young son with the help of his depressed adult son. No matter the grief he's carrying, he's continued to maintain his profession and provide for his sons. When he sees a kind stranger reignite his own son, he does everything he can to support that relationship, including physically throwing his own son out of the house to go reconcile. He gave Yutaka the kindest advice I've ever seen about going into love with your heart open and your mind clear, knowing that you will probably lose that love at some point. Incredible father figure of the year.

Ask Me Top 5 BL 2023 Anything

Wow, congratulations, anon. You are the first person to make me cry as I answered all of these questions.

[firewasabeast]

So...uhh...how's that presumed dead fic going? I am totally not going insane rereading those little bits you shared....maybe just slightly insane....

ahhh, it's... going. I actually don't have much more to write for it, but I stupidly decided to add smut to it and that takes me forever, so oops. Here's another tiny bit to keep your mind busy while you wait (and thank you for caring!!):

“Buck, I know what it's like to-”

“Don't,” Buck interrupted, looking at Eddie for the first time since they sat down. “Please, I- I've gotten so many 'I know what you're going through' texts from people and it doesn't help.”

Eddie nodded. “I understand.”

Buck turned his attention down to his hands, thumbs twiddling together nervously. “Can I- Can I tell you something really dumb?”

“Sure!” Eddie exclaimed, trying to lighten the mood a bit. “I love hearing dumb things.”

Buck managed a small smile. It faded faster than it had appeared. “I- Sometimes it doesn't feel, um, feel real to me. Like, I don't believe he's gone. That, um, that feeling that you get when someone has- when they've died. I- I don't have that.”

“Accepting it's happened is one of the hardest things to do, Buck. That's normal.”

“I haven't even cried,” Buck admitted. “Not since the day I was told he... he was gone.”

“That's normal too.”

Eddie didn't understand. Buck knew he wouldn't. “I don't know,” he breathed out, more to himself than to Eddie.

“Don't know what?”

[newtdrawz]

Ponyboy and Steve relationship (not ship) headcanons, plz😁😁😁

Omg yess ofc I love these two 🙏 big brother figure number 3 LETS GO 💪💪💪

Ok first of all, it was SO difficult to get a picture of these two omg 😭😭 it's like there's 0 good pictures of them together which is a crime 😭 (from pinterest like all the other pictures are)

Ok so!!! These two are insane ❤️

These two argue constantly,, you would think by the way they argue that they'd actually be related or SOMETHING 😭 but they're not Steve's just some guy arguing with his best friends little bro 😭

They will find literally anything to argue over, the gang actually has a "how long can Steve and Ponyboy go without arguing over something dumb" bet (Dally always wins because half the time he's starting the arguments between the two cuz he thinks it's funny)

They try not to argue infront of Soda tho cuz he obviously loves his brother and his best friend and wants them to get along

They do actually get along sometimes tho

Steve will give Pony rides to school and once in a great while he'll give him rides home, he does this only if Pony hasn't annoyed him for a bit 😭😭

Steve, like Two-bit and Dally, will watch over Pony when Darry and Soda aren't around. He usually does it more at a distance instead of upfront like Dal and Two. Cuz Steve really does care about him deep down and he doesn't want him to get into too much trouble. Mostly at school he'll keep an eye on him, making sure no ones messing with him or if he so happens to come to the DX and Soda's busy he'll watch him from the corner of his eye to make sure he doesn't do something stupid lol

Pony wouldn't admit it to him but he does genuinely think Steve's fun to be around, he does enjoy hanging out/tagging along with Soda and Steve

When Steve's done complaining about Pony coming with them he also genuinely has fun with both Pony and Soda lol

So Soda literally doesn't understand why they BOTH complain about hanging out together and then they both end up having a great time 😭

For real tho these two do care about each other

When Pony starts going to rumbles and Dally and Johnny aren't there anymore he'll mostly stay by Pony when his brothers can't

The two always do this checklist thing before they leave the Curtis's or anywhere (PB: you got your keys? St: yeah, you got your blade? Pb: yup, you got yours? St: uh huh.) (It was a subtle way for Steve to make sure Pony started carrying a blade and it was another subtle way for Pony to make sure Steve didn't lose his keys lol)

Steve, along with Darry, was really "annoying" (annoying to a 14 year old lol) about NOT walking around on his own, he'd "reluctantly" offer to walk Pony places or drive him if he could

Giving a gift to Steve is the hardest thing on the planet for the gang

Pony one year for Steve's birthday drew a picture of Soda and Steve and gave it to him and Steve actually really loved it. (Soda nearly cried lol)

He keeps it in a frame Two-bit stole for him lol

I think this is all I really have for them 😞

I wish I had more, hopefully soon I can come up with more hc's and I can update this post cuz I really do love their friendship/the potential their friendship has. I've read a really good fic abt them being friends and how Steve really did care for him lol sorry for such a short post tho 😞🙏 promise to add more when I can!!!

[d1xonss]

Desert Rose

Chapter 1 ~ Introductions

✧ Pairing : Daryl Dixon x Rose

✧ Era : Season 1

✧ Word Count : 4.2k

In this chapter ~ In a life full of unexpected turns, this one by far hit Rose the hardest. A disease begins to spread when the dead are somehow brought back to life, that alone being the tip of the iceberg of what she remains to be faced with. When it all leads to her fighting for her life in Atlanta, she meets a group that ends up saving her from what she thought was the end of her rope. But when they bring her along for their great escape out of the dead infested city, she's faced with a decision that seemed to be more difficult than she first realized.

AN ~ Hi! So this is my very first post and series on tumblr and I’m still very much trying to get the feel of things lol. I originally uploaded the first two seasons of this fanfiction to wattpad and am still uploading frequently there, but I also wanted to give this a try as well. Just putting it on a different platform for more people to see:)

I will admit before you read, I started writing this story a little while ago so the phrasing and writing might be a little rusty at first seeing as I was just starting out. But I promise it gets better as it goes on, trust me! I hope whoever reads this grows to love it as much as I do. I will be uploading here as much as I can and adjusting to the new feel of things on here as quick as I can.

And I think that’s all for now! I hope you enjoy!

Fear.

That's the only emotion anyone ever feels anymore, or that's at least what I believe. Considering I've been on my own since the beginning, fear is something that I've had to grow accustomed to. And the world going to shit only made me realize how alone I truly was. How little I had to rely on as I saved myself time and time again. Though I had a family, the people whom I was bonded to by blood, they were nothing but a memory to me now. Reminding myself I was on my own for a reason.

I always knew how to take care of myself, simply because that was all I ever knew, and I was always silently thankful for that. I couldn't imagine living in this world and not knowing how to fight, or fend for yourself, so I considered myself lucky. I caught on quickly when it came time to start killing the dead, the very first time I had taken one out still haunts me to this day. The first feeling of fear I had felt in a very long time. I've learned the hard way that you never quite shake the feeling.

I had a day off from work, which was rare, just sitting in my apartment painting while the T.V. played quietly in the background. But then the whole atmosphere changed, nearly in a split second it felt like. My ears perked up when I suddenly heard blood curdling screams coming from the hallway just outside, instantly sending me flying to the front door to press my ear up against the surface. The desperate pleas and cries only seemed to worsen as the seconds ticked by, causing me to cautiously open my door to see two disgusting looking corpses going after a few of my neighbors. I froze at the scene before me.

They were trying to fight them off with random inanimate objects clutched tightly in their hands, flinching away as they tried desperately to fight back, screaming in utter terror. A part of me was torn, not wanting to step in and actually kill these things that looked exactly like us. People. But these things were no longer human, anyone could see that from a mile away.

I quickly snapped back into reality as my mind was made up, rushing back into my apartment to grab a large steak knife from my kitchen drawer, the blade glistening under the florescent light. My legs sprinted back through the corridor only moments later, stepping in as I shoved the thing up against the wall to get it away from the small group of people that had formed around it, causing the thing to growl as it looked directly at me. Goosebumps formed on my skin at the sight, quickly twirling the knife around to stab it in the chest, but it only continued to flail around in my grasp. My eyes widened as the monster didn't seem the least bit phased, trying again and again desperately to get its clawing hands away from me.

But finally, it a fit of aggravation, I took the blade and stabbed it right in between its eyes, silencing it completely as it fell limp out of my hold and onto the carpeted floor. My breathing was ragged as the others continued to panic loudly from just behind my frame, but I stayed completely still as I couldn't take my eyes away from the being I just murdered. I felt disgusting, horrified, and dazed. Though one thing I knew for certain, I couldn't stay here.

I didn't hesitate then to storm back into my home and pack a larger duffle bag full of my stuff to evacuate, knowing that this couldn't have just been happening here. Curiosity got the better of me as I flipped through the T.V. channels, landing on the news which showed utter chaos and live footage of these things attacking more people in many different countries. My heart seemed to stop for a moment as I watched, seeing that the world was nearly coming to an end as countless military machinery were flooding down the streets, attempting to put a stop to this before it spread. 

I didn't know what to do, where I would go, but I wanted to get as far away from here as possible. Looking into the dead eyes of the monster really didn't sit too well with me.

Though after that day, life was never the same. The dead slowly took over everything, killing off anyone they could get a hold of and silencing the planet completely. Leaving everyone who was left alive, utterly terrified and alone.

Two whole months had passed since the dreaded outbreak, and I found myself to be moving constantly. Never staying in the same place for too long, before packing up to move on and stay alive. That's truly all that mattered anymore.

Without having a real clear destination in mind, I somehow ended up in the city of Atlanta Georgia, just passing through the large structures hoping to gather some supplies before moving on all over again. But what I didn't expect, was to see hundreds of corpses filling the streets. My eyes widened at the sight as soon as I turned the corner, hoping to just silently slip away as I backed up from the giant swarm. But a few of their heads turned as they somehow spotted me, and the numbers only grew from there.

I practically sprinted in the other direction as fast as I could, slipping in between a few buildings to try and outrun the many that chased me with outstretched hands. But somehow, I ended up right in a dead end, the alley being blocked off by a giant wall in which I couldn't escape. My heart pounded as I slowly turned back around to face the dead, seeming to accept my fate as I had nowhere else to turn.

And that brings me to today. No, I didn't die...but if I'm being honest, a part of me wished that I had.

Instead of feeling the corpse's dead fingers tearing into me, a few living people came out of nowhere from the tall building to my right and began killing off the dead one by one, right before my eyes. I stood completely still as I thought at first I might be dreaming, but one of the men quickly grabbing my arm and pulling me along like a rag doll told me it was far from that.

Anyone else would be grateful for these people being at the right place at the right time, but I unfortunately didn't work too well with others, so grateful isn't really the word I would use.

So, currently you could say I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place as I racked my brain, trying to figure out how to get out of the situation I was put in. One of the men that had saved me was wearing a God awful hat that made me want to walk back in the herd of walkers. His name, I learned, was Rick Grimes and he and his group were the ones that helped me get out of the pickle I got myself in, along with dragging me with them as they too escaped from the large city of Atlanta. From what I overheard the others talking loudly about, they had just managed to save Rick as well, who was having just as bad of a day as I was, an hour before they saved me. To me it looked like we were both just random strangers that they decided to pick up like lost dogs.

Though I was weary of them, the rest of the group seemedto be nice enough, except for this asshole Merle who was this racist, sexist, piece of shit. Spewing out slurs and insults from his lips every five minutes and only pushing my urge further to walk towards the flesh eating monsters. Wanting to just end my suffering. Though, to make a very long story short, we ended up leaving him handcuffed on the roof of a building where we were once trapped. And much to my surprise, it wasn't on purpose. Rick eventually had enough of the man's bullshit and took his fancy, shiny handcuffs to lock him in place on a metal pole, and a man named T-Dog accidentally dropped his key to freedom down a drain.

But when the time came, we had no choice but to leave him when the dead had broken into the building we were holed up in. The only option we really had now was to maybe go back for him later. Maybe. But to put it into perspective on how uncomfortable I was, riding in this truck with them to their camp...I would rather switch places with Merle.

I was suddenly pulled out of my thoughts when the vehicle we were riding in stopped abruptly, assuming we were at the sanctuary these people had been talking so much about. I took a moment to lean forward and glance out the windshield at my surroundings, not liking the feeling that was forming in my gut at the thought of meeting anyone new. But Rick caught me scanning the area, reading my expression from where he sat in the passenger seat and clearly sensed my nerves.

Though he eventually caught my eye, "Don't worry too much...we're in this together." he assured, flashing a half smile at me that made the corners of his eyes wrinkle.

I raised my eyebrows at his attempt. Oh, thank God we're in this together. 

The man who was driving, Morales, told us to come out and meet everyone with a nod before he jumped out of the truck to run to his family. I shared another uneasy look with Rick before slowly following his actions to see for myself what I would be dealing with. My gaze scanned through everyone that was gathered around and instantly all their attention was on me once they heard my door slam shut. I grew uncomfortable at all the watchful eyes boring holes straight into my forehead, but the kid named Glenn eventually stepped in when he sensed the obvious tension.

"Guys, this is Rose. We saved her back in the city. She's cool." he assured with a smile, silently telling all of them to back off.

I shifted uncomfortably, forcing a small smile though it couldn't have been more fake. It seemed as though after Glenn said something, everyone relaxed a bit, thinking that I wouldn't be much of a threat. Though I could be. But they didn't need to know that. I didn't plan on hurting these people or taking their fishing poles unless they tried something with me first. But by the looks of it, some of these people looked like they couldn't even kill a fly, so I made the assumption that I was somewhat safe.

Though all of a sudden, the whole atmosphere seemed to change, everything happening in slow motion as a few people stared at me wide eyed. A man, a woman, and a kid. Confusion crossed my face as I wondered what I did to make these people stare daggers at me, until I heard a small gasp from behind. I looked over my shoulder to see Rick standing there in awe, wearing the same expression they did as he processed the situation in disbelief. I soon realized that they had been looking just behind me the entire time and quickly stepped off to the side as fast as I could.

Well, that's fucking embarrassing.

The little boy then took off in a flash towards Rick, screaming "Dad!" as he cried, and then it all seemed to click. This was the family Rick briefly mentioned to the group. The family he had been trying desperately to find. They had been here the whole time.

Everyone watched as they reunited with laughter and tears, the heartwarming scene almost causing me to smile. Though I snapped out of it with a shake of my head, my eyes now lingering down toward the ground as I crossed my arms around my middle.

After the moment had passed, that only came time for very long and boring introductions as Rick and I seemed to meet everyone else in the camp. I nodded towards everyone somewhat politely as I learned each of their names that I would surely accidentally forget. Although one seemed to really stick out to me amongst the many others.

Someone briefly mentioned the name Dixon, and I couldn't help but ponder over it for longer than necessary. The familiarity left a bad taste in my mouth. Apparently, Merle had a brother. And here I thought one was enough.

However, I had yet to meet him because the older man, Dale, informed me he was currently out hunting somewhere in the woods just ahead of us. But the truth was I didn't need to meet the man to know that he was an asshole just like the one we left behind. I mean, they were related after all.

The entire group then sat around a fire once the sun finally set, eating something small they cooked for the night, while discussing some random things that people would occasionally bring up. But the hot topic currently was what would they say to Daryl when the time came to tell him about his relative. In my mind it was pretty simple, but it was clear these people didn't want to be too harsh about it.

"How do we break it to him?" Dale asked.

"We just tell him the truth," Rick stated simply, "I'll tell him, I mean I was the one who cuffed him."

"No, I'll tell him...I'm the one who dropped the key." T-Dog gently argued, the guilt clearly getting to him.

Glenn sighed as he picked at the food on his plate, "I don't mean to bring race into this but...it might sound better coming from a white guy."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes hearing them going back and forth about the sensitive subject, hearing the same things being said over and over again. I stayed completely silent during the debate as I felt it was far from my business to put in my input, slowly tuning their conversation out. It was then I came to the realization that I couldn't stay here. Stepping even a foot into this camp was clearly a big mistake, I didn't belong with the rest of them. I was always better off alone.

And what seemed to annoy me the most was that I didn't have a choice, they just dragged me back here without even asking, without a care in the world. To me, that alone was a good enough reason to flee the moment I got the chance.

As the hour grew late and the sun disappeared from the sky, they all collectively decided to call it a night as everyone went their separate ways. I planned to head off into the forest to sleep, unprepared to trust the environment here as I felt I always had to keep my guard up. It made me feel safer, more secure, and it gave me an easier escape route for when morning came.

I jumped at the opportunity to be alone, grabbing my things and stepping over the few logs in my way to head toward the tree line for some much needed silence. Though just as I was about to receive the smallest taste of freedom, a voice calling out behind me caused me to stop.

"Hey, Rose!" I recognized Dale's voice softly shout.

My chest raised up and down with a deep sigh, turning around to face him as I looked at him expectantly. "I know you don't have a tent of your own or anything, but we do have some extra room in the RV..." 

I continued to stare, hardly showing any emotion on my face at all as I tried to read him, figuring out what his intentions were.

"Look, I know you're new and clearly don't feel too comfortable here just yet...but I just want to make sure you have a safe place to sleep. Now, you don't have to, I just thought I would offer." he said, finishing with a smile.

It was no secret to me that Dale was a good person and a decent man. There were definitely some people in this group that gave me a bad feeling right off the bat, however, Dale wasn't one of them. But I needed to get away. I only wanted this group to be a distant memory in the back of my mind and nothing more.

So, with that I shook my head, "I'm okay." I said as politely as I could before heading off into the forest.

I could hear him sigh from behind me as I walked away but I didn't let it bother me. I needed to go. A part of me didn't even want to sleep so I could get a head start to put some distance between me and this place, but I was fairly tired from running for my life throughout the day. So, I figured I should sleep for a couple of hours and leave before anyone else woke to head off to...well, anywhere but here.

My eyes groggily peeled open the following morning just before the sun began to rise over the hills, looking at it made me guess was it was around four or five in the morning. I yawned and stretched tiredly before standing up to my full height and placing my bag securely on my back, ready to head off in the opposite direction of the camp as the dirt crunched loudly beneath my feet. Although I didn't get very far, maybe about five steps before something suddenly stopped me in my tracks. I stood frozen there for a minute, just thinking. For some reason there was a certain hunch I had, an inkling of sorts. Something telling me to stop.

My mind started to spiral with many different thoughts, enough to give you a headache, but then that's where I stopped myself. My whole life whenever I had a gut feeling about something, I needed to trust it. My little intuition was almost never wrong. And although most impressions like this were like warnings about uneasy feelings, this one was different. Like a magnet was pulling me back to the group. A strong ass magnet.

I found myself plopping back down on my ass, my back up against the tree with my knees to my chest, just lost in my own thoughts, debating and arguing with myself for what felt like hours when in reality it was probably only a few minutes. But a golden flicker of light appearing out of the corner of my eye is what made me look back up, seeing the sun beginning to rise higher in the sky enough to kiss my cheeks. Okay...so it really had been a few hours.

But even after clear hours had passed me by, I was still left very torn about to do with myself. My head was screaming at me to just get out of here, to be on my own without any limitations or responsibilities. But my heart was calmly telling me to stay, to see how it would work out in the end if I went against my better judgement. I hadn't had a real group at all since the outbreak first happened, but in my mind, I never wished for one. I always believed it was okay to be alone, watching out for yourself rather than anyone else dragging you down. That was the logical way to survive...wasn't it?

With that I let out an aggravated groan and slowly stood back up to make my walk of shame back into camp, knowing it would eat me alive if I didn't give it another chance. One more day, I promised myself, and if nothing changed, I'd leave tonight.

As I walked back into the grounds, I noticed some people were already awake in the early hours of the morning much to my surprise. Carol and her daughter Sophia were sitting up on one of the logs talking quietly to each other, the woman's gaze glancing up as she noticed my movement. She sent me a sweet smile with a small wave, to which I nodded to her in return.

My eyes then looked away from her for a split second when I caught a brief glimpse of Rick walking away from the campsite, a certain determination in his step and his head low. I stayed in place as I watched his figure disappear, before I found my feet slowly moving forward to follow him. I didn't know why I did. I just grew curious, I guess.

When I caught up to his long strides, I found him sitting on a larger rock, seemingly talking to himself though I couldn't make out the words from where I was standing. It was all too hushed and quiet. But then my eyes panned over a bit to see a device in his hands, his mouth lowering closer as he spoke into it. Good to know he wasn't batshit crazy or anything.

Though as I shifted my weight and prepared to leave him be, I somehow accidently stepped too far to the right and directly onto a branch that snapped loudly under my boot. My eyes closed the second it happened, silently cursing to myself. Rick's head seemed to whip around the moment the sound hit his ears, his hand hovering over his gun in its holster, but his body instantly relaxed when he realized I wasn't a walking corpse.

The man then flashed me a small smile as he recovered from the mini heart attack, "Hey...you're up early."

I lifted my arm to check my imaginary watch, "No shit." 

He nodded slowly, "You're not a morning person...noted." he spoke before sighing to himself as he stared at me, "You know, I can tell you've been alone for quite some time. And I know you're probably scared, but-"

"I'm not scared of anything." I was quick to correct, my harsh tone even surprising myself.

His brows raised a little, whether it was because of my words or the fact that I interrupted him, I wasn't sure. But one thing I knew for certain was I wasn't going to stand here and listen to him accuse me of the things I was feeling when he didn't know anything about me at all. Everyone around here might've been scared of this new world, but I sure as hell wasn't. Maybe that was another reason I shouldn't be here; these people didn't know what the hell they were doing. Too scared to have a steady head on their shoulders. 

"Okay, maybe you're not scared... but you are alone." he spoke again.

I didn't open my mouth to respond as my eyes narrowed at him further. Thanks, captain obvious.

He continued, "Look, I know you don't trust us, but all I'm asking for is that you give us a chance. I saw the way you were looking at everyone last night, like you were ready to pounce any minute in case anyone tried anything. But I can tell you need us as much as we need you-"

"Okay," I interrupted with a wave of my hand, "Let me stop you right there before you break out into song and dance. I'm going to make something perfectly clear. I don't need you, or your parade of assholes back there for anything. I have always been just fine on my own, and last time I checked I didn't even ask for you to save me and bring me back here. You just did it. So don't tell me I'm scared, or I need any of you because that is far from the truth, asshole." I spoke harshly.

He stared at me for a few seconds not knowing how to respond, but he clapped back quicker than I expected, "Alright, fair enough. You're right... I don't know you. You didn't ask me to save you, and you don't look like you need anyone's help. All I'm just saying is it's nice to have other people watching your back. I felt completely alone until I found a man and his son while looking for my family, and now I can be a part of this group...and so can you. You just have to trust it...give it a chance."

My brows furrowed as I opened my mouth to retaliate, but it was apparently his turn to cut me off instead, "I can understand if you want to leave. Just know that...everyone in camp likes the idea of having you around."

His response was far from what I expected, finding I didn't say anything in return mostly because I couldn't find the right words. How could he be so understanding over someone he didn't even know? It honestly blew my mind a little.

When he saw I wasn't going to argue further, he turned back around to watch the sun continue to rise. And after debating in my head for a minute or two, I decided to walk over and sit myself next to him on the giant rock. He glanced at me when I sat down, probably expecting me to say some smart ass comment in return to his statement, but I didn't. We just sat in comfortable silence until the sky was no longer orange and pink, but now turning into more of a pale blue with clouds slowly filling up the remaining space. It was somewhat refreshing.

I could tell he was about to move and stand up to his feet, probably to head back to camp, but I said something that stopped him.

"I never wanted to be alone." I confessed, not taking my eyes off the sky.

As soon as the words left my lips, I closed my eyes for a moment as I regretted what I said almost instantly. I didn't want to admit defeat to anyone, let alone a stranger, but I figured I should in this case for him to truly understand what I was feeling.

I felt his eyes on me as he said nothing, expecting me to continue, so I did. "I was already alone before the world went to shit...and I guess I've just gotten used to being by myself. It's kind of exhausting looking out for other people."

He still remained silent.

"My point is, I don't know if I'm staying." I said, finally turning to look at him.

He nodded, "That's okay. Just...make sure to think about it before you make any rash decisions. Who knows...maybe you'll change your mind." he said almost suggestively before finally standing up to head back in the opposite direction.

I turned my head and watched his frame retreat away from me for a few seconds, his words echoing in my mind, before returning all my attention back to the sky. A part of me still wanted to go, the fear of the unknown creeping back up on me, however I did tell myself that I would give it another chance. But if I couldn't find a reason to say by tonight, that was that. I would leave this group behind.

~ Thanks for reading!

[valyrfia]

Okay but “X fell first but X2 fell harder” trope Lestappen edition WHO???

okay anon I've been pondering this I've rewritten this ask about five times arguing one side or another and I have to put a disclaimer that they are both obsessed with each other and have been for a very long time.

That being said I think I've arrived at the conclusion that Max fell first and Charles fell harder. Evidence for this includes Charles being one of the only drivers Max ever followed on instagram (which imo indicates HIGH levels of respect), Max seemingly being the first to initiate contact via Lando in quarantine, the way Charles has always been the n1 maxsplaining victim. I think Max fell sometime around when Charles joined F1–they hadn't competed for a few years so that childhood rivalry fizzled out somewhat and Max is like "oh I'm actually proud of him for living our shared dream and I'm just as obsessed as I always was." (you'll be surprised how close of a paraphrase of DTS s5 ep1 this is). Austria 2019 happens and Max then cries himself to sleep.

Then Charles falls, in my opinion sometime around early/mid 2022. Just as Max's fall was caused by their rivalry cooling down, Charles's fall is caused by their rivalry heating up again. Finally in (earlier) 2022 Charles is in a decent car and he's fighting Max for the championship. The media, smelling drama, jumps on their past and tries their hardest to push this epic rivalry. However, they're not at all what the media (and Charles in his own head) has painted them out to be. Instead, Max is concerned when Charles crashes out, he celebrates Charles's podium wins with such glee (Austria looking at you), and they remain each other's favourite to talk to after the race. I think this is when Charles falls, when they're supposed to be fighting each other for a championship but all they can think about is how excited they are to be fighting each other for a championship.

So yeah, Max fell first and Charles fell harder, but they've been obsessed with each other since before they learned basic math (Exhibit A: Max knowing all of Charles's old karting helmets).

[aylacavebear]

Retribution Chapter 11

Summary: You had DID for most of your life, over forty years, since you were two. It wasn't until after you were forty-three that you were finally able to heal it and become a singular. You're a hunter and have been with Dean for a very long time. Once you become singular, you have to face the horrors that your mental illness subjected on those you cared about, loved. Can you get past seeing yourself as worse than any monster you've ever hunted down?

Pairing is Dean Winchester x Reader/You

Warnings: Talk of DID - Dissociation Identity Disorder (AKA MPD), Mental Health Issues, Angst, Healing (yes, this is a warning), DnD (Dungeons & Dragons), Alters being "dead" and grieving, depressed Dean.

Please, if you suffer from any mental illness, seek help. There are people out there who can help you get through it, no matter how alone you feel now or how hard it may seem.

A/N: This is going to be very dark, darker than anything I've written thus far. It will include many triggers - abuse both sexual and physical - in memories and what happens to the reader. I'm hoping it will have a happy ending but right now, I am not sure where this will go. This is your main warning before you begin reading. A/N: Dreams and Memories are indented in italics. Thoughts are in italics only.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 11 - A Peace You Didn’t Know Was Possible

I can’t believe it’s been six months, you thought while sipping a cup of coffee, still wrapped up in a blanket on the couch, watching the fire in the fireplace. The first few months had been hard, especially as the holidays came and went. You’d cried yourself to sleep often, but most of the tears had finally stopped nearly a month ago.

The brothers had even messaged you, Sam, more than Dean. When you and Dean texted back and forth, it usually ended with him upset in one form or another. At first, you blamed yourself for his pain but had learned how to heal that, so you were able to stop blaming yourself for his pain and heartbreak. 

What Dean had said that had hit you hard near the beginning when the two of you spoke, was that even with the forty years he had spent in hell, it was a walk in the park compared to the twenty years he’d been with them. That one stuck with you for months afterward.

On the other hand, Sam had actually begun talking to you, asking you questions, and trying to get to know you. You found it odd in the beginning, the way his curiosity came out in his texts, but you had made the choice just to be yourself now. You had nothing to hide from anyone anymore and always chose honesty, even if it would hurt.

As far as the cabin went, you’d packed away a lot of what had been there. Things like the toys, some of the clothes, decorations that were set about, and anything that reminded you of the relationship between them and Dean. The pictures were the hardest to look at, so those went as well.

All the holidays had been hard, but it was Dean’s birthday that hurt the most. The one thing he’d always wanted from your personalities was to get a blow job the morning of his birthday before ever getting out of bed. It was something that they never did due to the mean ones always taking over.

You’d spent a month working on coupons for him and writing something on the card you’d picked out at the store. These were the things you wanted to do with him, but then you felt stupid again that you loved him when you weren’t them. You even called Cas and asked him to deliver it for you. That way, even the postage of where it came from didn’t give away your location.

In the card, you included two of your favorite pictures of the two of you, from moments that brought happiness when you looked at them. The two of you talked after he’d gotten it, but the call ended with more tears from both of you, and you didn’t speak again for nearly two months.

Today, though, Charlie and Eileen were coming by. They had come by once before, and it was nice to have them over. When they kept your little retreat a secret, and the brothers didn’t show up, you knew you could fully trust them.

“You two turned off your GPS, right?” you asked as they sat down in the living room.

“Yup. Don’t need them finding this place. We promised, remember,” Charlie chuckled, “I brought the DnD stuff, if you’re still interested.”

You got them some water and sat down in the chair adjacent to the couch, “That could be fun. Eileen, are you gonna play too?”

“Sure. Charlie didn’t stop talking about it the whole drive,” Eileen laughed, rolling her eyes playfully.

“I’ll go get the books,” Charlied said excitedly.

That was her thing: games, role-playing, LARPing, and having a fantasy adventure. You wanted to at least try it out, DnD. She’d explained it to you through text, phone calls, and emphatically on her last visit.

Six hours later…

Charlie was laughing too hard to keep up being what she called the Dungeon Master. You and Eileen’s characters had tamed a young dragon, and due to botching rolls, the adolescent male dragon was now in love with both of you.

“Now what do we do with it?” Eileen asked, looking at you.

That only made Charlie lose it in another fit of laughter. This was her element, but you two were the best people she had ever been a DM for, as any and all seriousness had flown completely out the window.

“I don’t know,” you replied, grabbing the book off the floor that had the monster information in it and flipping through it until you found the one about the dragon. That was when your eyes went wide.

“What?” Eileen asked, only making Charlie laugh again.

“Charlie, next time, you could warn us before we do something this stupid,” you grumbled after reading the little warning under its stats.

“What?” Eileen asked again.

“You’re not gonna like it. Either we find it a mate, or, umm…” you trailed off, glancing up at Eileen as Charlie completely lost it in a fit of laughter, falling back on the couch and nearly falling on the floor.

“I’m not mating with a dragon,” Eileen said flatly, glaring at Charlie, who was still laughing so hard she was barely making any noise at this point.

“Charlie, if you don’t take a minute to breathe, you’re going to pass out,” you stated flatly, doing your best not to laugh at how funny she looked. Her laughter was infectious when she got like this.

The more the situation in the game played through your mind, and the more you saw Charlie laughing like she was, the more you couldn’t help laughing. Even Eileen joined in. It took the three of you nearly a half hour to gain any sort of composure. Every time any of you looked down at the DnD stuff on the table, laughter would erupt from one of you, then all of you, all over again.

“Why don’t we pick this up tomorrow,” you told them, still chuckling as you went to the kitchen to get some dinner going.

“It’ll give you two time to figure out what to do about that dragon,” Charlie chuckled as she began cleaning up the DnD stuff with Eileen’s help.

You pulled out the chicken you’d had marinating in the fridge, put it in the oven, and then got the sides ready to cook in a half hour. The girls joined you in the kitchen, with Charlie pulling three beers out of the fridge and handing them out. You leaned against the counter and popped the top while the girls sat at the table.

“Have you spoken to the boys?” Eileen asked.

You looked down at the beer in your hand and sighed, “About two weeks ago, I spoke with Dean through text. Sam messaged me yesterday.”

“Any headway on anything?” Charlie asked.

“Sam seems to be coming around the more we talk. He hasn’t gone off on me in a couple months now, and he’s asking me questions like he’s trying to get to know me,” you answered quietly, not really wanting to talk about Dean.

“What about Dean?” Eileen asked, and you sighed.

“I don’t know. Sometimes, we have great talks, and I feel like we might be getting somewhere, but…” you paused and took a swig of your beer, “...most times, we both cry, and it ends with him seeming more upset than before we started talking. Then, we don’t talk for a while. I probably won’t hear from Dean for at least another week with how our last conversation ended.”

“I wish there was something we could do to help,” Eileen told you sympathetically.

You shrugged, “He’s got to deal with his own stuff in his own way. I don’t know if anyone can help him through it.”

Charlie decided it was time to change the subject, “Any more monsters come through?”

“There was a couple vamps about a month ago. Boy were they surprised when they found out I was a hunter,” you chuckled, thankful for the topic change.

“Have you thought about going back to hunting, even part-time?” Eileen asked curiously.

Again, you shrugged and sipped your beer, “I don’t want to run into the brothers out there. I think that’s really the only thing stopping me from going back.”

“You could come with us, and Cas can let us know whether they know about the case we work or not. We could find a way so that we never crossed paths with them,” Charlie suggested.

“I’ll think about it, but I might need a couple more months before I’m ready,” you answered, letting her offer tickle its way through your mind.

They spent almost a week at your cabin. The three of you laughed a lot playing DnD, and luckily, your characters had found the dragon a mate. They didn’t bring up the brothers again, even when either of them messaged them. It was one of the happiest weeks you’d had around people. It was an emotional goodbye, but the three of you promised to stay in contact with each other.

When Sam’s birthday rolled around, you texted him a ‘Happy Birthday’ but left it at that. Neither of the brothers celebrated holidays or birthdays, but since Sam had been dating Eileen, he’d at least thought more about them. You hadn’t heard from Dean since before the girls had visited and you always refused to ask Sam about him.

It wasn’t until the small pack of werewolves passed through that you decided to go back to hunting. It was hard taking the five of them down on your own, but silver bullets from a distance had been the only thing that saved your life that night. An hour later, you were texting Charlie.

“I’m in. Where are you and Eileen?” 

“Oddly enough, Prison Farm, Montana. Your neck of the woods. We were tracking down some werewolves.”

You laughed so hard you had to take a moment to catch your breath before you returned a text to her.

“lol I just took down five of them outside my cabin.”

“So not fair. That was the pack we were tracking. You want to meet us at the motel, or should we pick you up?”

“Depends. Am I riding with you two or taking my car?”

“Good point. We’ll be there in an hour.”

You chuckled to yourself. “See you shortly.”

While waiting for them to arrive, you retrieved your hunting supplies, packing both your weapons and personal bag. There was some mild anxiety about getting back to hunting, but it was time. You’d done all the healing you could do in your sanctuary. This was the next thing you had to face.

The girls spent the night before the three of you headed out in the morning. The cabin now empty and quiet. Dark windows met your gaze as you looked back one last time before it disappeared behind the sea of trees.

The Brother’s POV

“When was the last time you talked to her?” Sam asked as he went through different newspapers online, looking for another case.

“Couple months, I think,” Dean answered plainly, “Find anything yet?”

“There was something in Montana, but Eileen told me she and Charlie handled it. There might be something in Nevada. Looks like a vengeful spirit,” he replied, scrolling the newspaper article.

“Well, if it turns out it is a case, let me know,” Dean said, then went to his room.

He’d moved your things to your room, and now his room felt empty, even though he’d filled those spaces with other things. He opened the night table drawer and pulled out the two pictures you’d sent him in his birthday card.

Why’d she have to send these? 

They were his favorite pictures, and he had thought they’d been lost in the transition from living out of the Impala and motels to living in the bunker. Tears slipped silently down his cheeks as he stared at them.

I miss them…

Dean knew they were gone, and they’d never come back. He’d wished he had a body to burn, to say goodbye to, but he didn’t. All he had was you now, in the body they’d inhabited since he’d met them. 

You were too much like her and too much not like the mean ones that it broke his heart to talk to you. He wanted to hate you for taking them away from him, for making his life feel empty again. 

I might have chosen to endure the abuse if I knew they’d all be gone like this.

He felt like there was a hole where his heart used to be now. The knock on his door pulled him from his thoughts as he wiped the tears quickly away, “Come in.”

Dean tried to hide the pictures, but Sam saw them and sighed, “It’s a case. We can leave whenever.”

Sam wanted to say something to his brother, but right now, there was nothing he could say that wouldn’t cause another fight. The last one had almost gotten physical, and he wasn’t in the mood to deal with it today.

“I’ll be out in five,” Dean replied as Sam left to get ready.

Sam sighed as he packed his things. He’d already apologized to you for how he’d treated you. The fact that you had forgiven him made his guilt eat at him these days, especially when Dean got like this. He wasn’t sure that taking this case was such a good idea, but Dean needed to get out of the bunker.

Your POV

You and the girls made it to the motel in a small, backwater town in Nevada shortly before sunset. It was hot, and you quickly learned that you weren’t a fan of the desert. When you got out of the car and stretched your legs, you tied your red flannel around your waist, thankful you were wearing a tank top.

“I hope this goes quickly. It’s fucking hot here,” you sighed when the three of you grabbed your bags.

“Should just be a simple salt and burn,” Eileen told you as Charlie went to check the three of you in.

“I hope so,” you remarked, looking around. 

The place looked practically deserted, and most of the buildings looked run down or boarded up. There weren’t even very many trees, and the ones that were there looked pitiful and in desperate need of water. 

“Got us a room,” Charlied piped in as she returned to the car.

“God, I hope the air conditioner works,” you groaned, then followed her to the room.

“Are you gonna complain the whole time we’re here?” Eileen teased you playfully.

“Just when we’re outside and away from the ac,” you chuckled.

The three of you got settled in and hopped on research. So far, no one had died, yet. It was just weird stuff, and it was all surrounding one of the houses on the edge of the small town. People there stayed away from it. It was tourists the locals were worried about.

“That house goes back to the eighteen hundreds. Says here that it was one of the first houses built for a wealthy family that owned the mine before the gold vein dried up,” Charlie told the two of you as she continued reading from her laptop.

“Does it say who died there?” Eileen asked before you could.

“A few people died there. The first one was the wife of the wealthy family. Then, if anyone moved in there, the husband died mysteriously. It’s been empty for over a hundred years,” Charlie answered, her eyes still scanning the screen.

“Sounds like a simple salt and burn. Does it say where she was buried?” you asked, and Eileen gave you a playful glare since you got the question in before she could. It had become a game for the two of you.

Charlie was quiet as she read, then her eyes lit up, “According to this, the cemetery behind the house. Let’s hope her spirit isn’t attached to anything else that we’d have to go looking for.”

“Let’s hope,” you sighed, “We should probably wait till after dark to head over there, though. Plus, we should be safe as long as we don’t go in the house.”

“So, what should we do for the next three hours before it gets dark here?” Eileen asked.

“There’s a bar. We could hang out there,” Charlie piped in with her mischievous smirk.

“You lookin’ to get lucky or something?” you teased her.

“Just because you two-” Charlie began, then quickly stopped herself and looked back at her laptop. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean to.”

“If you wanna go, Eileen and I can always play some pool and have a beer or two. You can have some fun. Remember, that stuff doesn’t bother me. Dean’s gonna do what he’s gonna do. Just because I still see him as my boyfriend doesn’t mean you should stop yourself from having fun,” you told her softly.

You’d come to terms with a lot of things over the last almost year. Dean had never actually broken up with you or told you it was over. So, you conducted yourself as if the two of you were still a couple.

“I’d like to play pool. It would be fun,” Eileen added, giving you and Charlie a mischievous grin.

“The bar it is, then,” Charlie said excitedly, closing her laptop.

There was one bar, and although it was a Friday night, it wasn’t packed, but it was decently busy for a small town. The three of you got beer and then headed over to play pool. The three of you were laughing and having a grand ol’ time. You all even got hit on by a few different men there. 

Charlie had found that hilarious, especially when they hit on her, and she informed them that she was into the waitress. You and Eileen were a little nicer about it than that, simply telling them that you two already had boyfriends.

The Brother’s POV

“This place sucks, Sam,” Dean groaned, sipping whiskey at a table near the back of the bar.

“Why?” Sam asked, enjoying his beer.

“It’s hot, and all they play on the jukebox is country music,” he grumbled.

“You could always hustle some pool. You used to have fun doing that,” Sam suggested, chuckling to himself.

“Pretty sure nobody here is drunk enough to get hustled,” he complained, downing his drink.

“Fine. If you were going to be this grumpy, I could have just given the case to someone else,” Sam teased him. He’d been trying to get Dean in a better mood for months, but it was always the same with him, and Sam was having a hard time dealing with it. 

Dean grumbled again before going to the bar for a refill. Then he glanced over at the pool tables, raising an eyebrow. He noticed the woman bent over the pool table, taking a shot, and he liked what he saw. He hadn’t flirted with anyone since you’d left, and this woman’s ass, in those jeans, reminded him of you, and he couldn’t help himself.

“Hey there, Sweetheart. Need some help handling that stick of yours,” he asked the woman.

He noticed her freeze and not turn to look at him, “I have a boyfriend,” she told him quietly.

“Well, where is this boyfriend of yours?” he asked playfully, not even recognizing your voice.

The woman stiffened as she stood up and slowly turned around, “He’s standing in front of me, but apparently, he thinks differently.” she said coldly before throwing the pool stick on the table and walking out of the bar.

Dean was dumbfounded. The first time, he figured he’d try to perhaps move on, and he ends up flirting with you, of all people. The thing that hit him the hardest was that you said you had a boyfriend. When you had DID, you wouldn’t have given that answer, as some of your personalities had been up for just about anything, with just about anyone. He quickly snapped out of his shock, setting his drink down and running after you, finding you heading toward the only motel in the small town.

“Y/N, wait. It’s not… Damnit!” he grumbled before finally catching up with you and grabbing your arm so you’d stop and look at him.

You spun around, and Dean saw the hurt in your eyes. You didn’t even look angry, just hurt. “Just tell me you don’t want me, and you’ll never have to see me again,” you told him sadly, as the tears had already started falling.

Neither of you noticed Sam, Eileen, and Charlie watching the two of you from a safe, hidden distance, praying that things would go well.

“I can’t,” Dean sighed, letting go of your arm and looking down at the ground.

“Why?” you asked quietly.

“Can we do this somewhere else?” he asked, just as quietly as you had been.

He looked up long enough to see you shrug your shoulders and start walking down the road, “Sure,” you told him sadly.

He watched you pull out your phone and text someone, so he texted his brother to handle the ghost by himself and that if Sam had planned this, he was going to kill him. It was an empty threat, and his brother knew that.

Your POV

Hearing him behind you at the pool table, flirting with you like you were some stranger, had hurt more than the conversations with him had. And now, he said he couldn’t let you go. You texted the group chat you had with Eileen and Charlie and told them that if they set this whole thing up, you’d be hunting alone after this.

You didn’t wait to get a text back before shoving your phone into your back pocket. This wasn’t how you’d wanted things to go if you ever saw him again. You’d hoped he would ask you to come back to the bunker, that he wanted to get to know you now that you were healed. But that hadn’t happened, and now this.

The last thing you wanted to do was end up in a bad conversation in the middle of the street, so you were leading him to an abandoned building you had noticed earlier in the day. He silently followed you, staying a few feet behind you. 

You walked around back, finding a door missing from the hinges, so you went inside that way. You found a mostly clean spot in one of the rooms to sit down and lean against the wall. Dean sat next to you, but not too close.

There was a tense silence between the two of you while Dean collected his thoughts, attempting to figure out how to answer the question you had asked him earlier. 

“You remind me of them. I miss them. If I have to be honest, it’s not fair. They’re gone, but at the same time, they’re not. You’re like them. Hell, it’s the same body,” he finally answered you quietly, barely keeping his emotions in check.

“You’re right. It’s not fair,” you began quietly, staring at the floor, “It’s not fair that I have their memories, that I fell in love with you harder than I even have words for. It’s not fair that all I want to do is love you, but all you see is them, not me.”

There was a lot more you wanted to say. You wanted to remind him how your personalities and he had talked about celebrating if you ever managed to heal from the DID. The plans the two of you had made if that ever happened. 

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

There was a long silence again, and it wasn’t helping your thoughts from overthinking. You fidgeted with a piece of paper on the floor, trying to find something to distract you through the deafening silence that had filled the room.

“I don’t know how to do this. See you and not them. I don’t know how to be around you because of how I want to be around them. I just…” he sighed and leaned his head against the wall, staring off at nothing in particular.

You wanted to give him suggestions, but you’d done that through calls and texts, and he hadn’t seemed to like any of them or want to do them. Your mind wandered back to the bar earlier, and if you had to admit it to yourself, you were thankful it went the way it did. The worst case would have been if you’d seen him with another woman, and you knew that.

“I don’t even know how to talk to you,” he finally added quietly.

For a while, you thought about how to help with the situation that you hadn’t suggested already, and that’s when an idea struck you. “What if we treat each other the way we want to?”

You barely glanced over at him, only enough to see him out of the corner of your eye. It had been the only thing you hadn’t suggested before. But this was almost like a compromise. He saw them and you. You wanted to love him, treat him the way they should have from day one.

“Are you really okay with that?” he asked, sounding almost nervous.

A sigh left your lips as your gaze returned to the other side of the room, knowing you had to be completely honest with him. “Dean, if you were okay with it, I’d move back into the bunker. I wouldn’t even argue or complain if you were to kiss me right now. It’s a place to start.”

Even if you weren’t looking at him, you heard him shift where he’d been sitting, “Are you sure you’re okay with that?” he asked again, still sounding unsure of your words.

You rolled your eyes, trying not to look as frustrated as you felt, but the moment you turned to face him so that you could be far blunter with him, you realized just how close he had gotten. The look in his eyes took your breath away and made you speechless as your lips opened to say something, but no words came out.

You quickly closed your mouth, taking a slow, deep breath. 

Why does he have to be so damn handsome? Let alone look at me like he wants to eat me alive.

“Yes, I’m-,” you began, but you couldn’t finish that sentence before Dean’s lips were on yours. 

He’d also cupped your cheek, holding you close so that you couldn’t pull away, but you had no plans of doing that. This wasn’t an intimate, I love you, kind of kiss. No, this was more like, where the hell have you been for the last almost year, kind of kiss. It was needy, hungry, and you matched it with your own.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 12 - Hope

Retribution Master List

Tag List: @jc-winchester @nancymcl @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx

[dameronsknight]

Oh, oh! How about a Poe Dameron oneshot where the reader(f) and Poe have a very steamy goodbye the night he leaves to fight for the Resistance and then he comes back a year later (or years, maybe after the First Order is defeated in ROS) and the reader has a baby (a daughter she names after Poe’s mom) that he didn’t know about. Obviously with a happy ending, my man would be an amazing dad.

“I promise…”

a/n: aaaaaaaaaa thank you for requesting this! i think i almost cried while writing it, and i *tried* to write the... steamy part... lmao ANYWAYS, i hope you like it! comments and feedback are well recieved :)

word count: i have no idea bub

warnings: unplanned pregnancy, small mention of a period, reader is female, sad but the rest is flufffff

"Why don´t you come with me?" Poe asked.

"What am I gonna do in the Resistance? I'm not a pilot or a medic. I don't know anything about fixing ships. I'd be useless over there." I said with a sigh.

Poe was looking at me with desperate eyes. He had to leave to join the Resistance. Someone offered him to be one of the pilots. I'm very happy for him because I know how much he loves to fly, but I can't help but feel sad, wishing he wouldn't leave.

Poe looked down and shook his head. "I just don't wanna leave you." He said.

I stood up and walked towards him to gently grab his hand. "But I know how much you wanna go. Saving the galaxy is what you have to do and it calls out to you." I said. Poe leaned forward and rested his forehead on mine.

"I don't wanna leave you." He repeated. I gave him a sad smile.

"I'll be okay here on my little farm. You don't have to worry about me." I said.

Maker, my heart was hurting. It's as if someone is actually trying to rip it out of my vhest. This is it... this is the last time I'll evr see Poe.

"I'll try to come visit you. Any time I have a chance." He said.

"I don't think you'll have time to visit me. You're gonna be a pilot. You'll have missions and responsibilities." I said. Poe shook his head and leaned back to look in my eyes.

"I promise I will. Sweetheart, you're the most important thing in my life." H esaid before cupping my face. "I promise..."

He didn't let me say anything else as he leaned in to kiss me. It was intense and desperate. Poe obviously had control and my knees were goin weak.

We started to walk backwards until my legs hit the bed. I broke away when my lungs felt like they were on fire. Poe was breathing heavily as his hands were still on my cheeks.

"Let me say goodbye to you in the way that you deserve, baby." He said and my heart skipped a beat. A funny feeling appeared in my lower abdomen.

I breathed out an 'okay' and Poe's lips were instantly back on mine. Our clothes were quickly discarted and he laid me down on the bed before getting on top of me, but our lips never seperated.

It was a night full of short breaths, moans and desperate kisses. Poe's weight on top of me as he would kiss my neck and whisper praises in my ear. I never experienced anything like this before.

When we both came to our limits, we stayed there breathing heavily. Poe buried his face in my neck and i started to run my fingers through his hair. I could feel his nose tickling my skin.

"I don't wanna leave you." Poe whispered loud enough for me to hear him.

The realization started to set in and tears started to form in my eyes. I didn't want Poe to see me sad.

I don't want you to leave...

But I never said it.

---------------------------------------------

It's been 2 months since Poe left, and it was the hardest goodbye I ever had to say. I've been feeling so sick and with zero energy. I didn't have the best appetite. Of course I blame it on the fact that I miss Poe like crazy.

In these couple of months the galaxy has gotten crazier and very unsafe. The First Order has been catching up to the Resistance's plans and they've become dangerous and evil. Several news of planets being destroyed and systems being taken over.

That means Poe hasn't visited or contacted me not even once.

I don't blame him though. He must be very busy. Yavin IV is safe from all the chaos so I don't want him to worry.

Today I was outside with my animals, until suddenly, My stomach flipped and I felt fery sick. So I ran inside to the bathroom and hunched over the toilet.

Maker what was happening to me? I sat down on the bathroom floor trying to catch my breath. I turned my head and caught a glimpse of a box of pads. Then I realized...

I'm late.

Uh oh. Very, very late to be exact. How could I not realize?! It's been a month and my period didn¿t come. In my defense, I was distracted by Poe's absence.

Ok, ok... calm down. It can't be... I can't be pregnant. Actually, I could be, but i really didn't want to be given the circumstances.

Later that day, I got on my small speeder and went to the local fai to get a homemade test. When I went back home, I walked in the bathroom with trembling hands that were holding the pregnancy test.

10 minutes passed and I couldn't dare to look at the small stick. A million thoughts were passing through my mind. I was shaking, playing with my hair, sitting down, standing up and walking around. Anything to distract myself.

I finally brought myself to look at the test. It confirmed what I was afraid of.

I'm pregnant.

"Maker... what am I gonna do?" I said to myself.

Do I even tell Poe? I don't even know how to contact him. And I can't fly out to the Resistance base because it costs a lot of credits.

Does Poe even want to be a dad? We never had the chance to talk about it.

I'm gonna have a baby and I can't even tell the father. A baby. My baby. I looked down at my stomach and a strong feeling bloomed in my chest. I'm gonna be a mom. Nobody prepares you for this, but somehown I think we're gonna be alright.

"We're gonna be okay, little one. I promise." I said as iI placed my hands on top of where my baby was growing.

Everything is gonna be alright.

————————————————————

5 years later

I heard noises of what sounded like an engine, so I walked into the room only to find my daughter on her bed mimicking an X-Wing’s noise. She was holding the bed head and going nyooom with her mouth.

“Shara, sweetie, what are you doing?” I asked and laughed.

“Mama!” She squealed.

Just like your father… I thought. Shara was so much like Poe. Her little curls bouncing as she played and those big beautiful brown eyes looking at me.

“Here comes an X-Wing to pick Shara up! Pshhhh” I said as I ran over to her and picked her up, placing her on my shoulders and running out of the room. Shara giggled while holding my hands.

I took her outside to the front yard and started spinning around making her get more excited.

“We arrived to your destination, little one! You saved the galaxy!” I said and I brought her down to my arms. “I wish your dad was here to teach you how to fly.”

Suddenly, one of my neighbors came running to my house while shouting my name.

“Hey, how are you?” I asked once he reached my front yard.

“Miss! I have great news!” He said out of breath. “The First Order have been beaten. The galaxy is finally safe!”

I gasped and my eyes widened. “The Resistance won?” I asked.

“Yes! Isn’t that amazing? Those bastards are finally gone!” He said and I smiled.

“That’s great news!” I said and hugged Shara tightly.

“My daughter’s death will no longer be in vain anymore.” He said and I gave him a sympathetic smile. We hugged and then he went back to his house.

That night I could see fireworks from afar. The whole galaxy was celebrating and there was finally peace.

I couldn’t help but think about Poe. I wonder if he’s okay, how he’s doing. I just hope… Maker, I hope he’s still alive.

Shara and I were playing by the fireplace until she fell asleep. I took her to her bed while humming a song until a placed her on it. She curled up into a ball when I covered her and kissed her forehead.

“Sweet dreams, little one.” I said.

—————————————————————

The next day, I was outside with the animals while Shara was at a close distance picking up flowers and talking to herself.

Then, I heard the sound of a fighter getting closer. When I looked up, I saw an X-Wing land on the field in front of my house. The pilot’s seat window opened, revealing the only man who’s been on my mind with a small droid following him.

“Poe.” I said. He was at a certain distance, but somehow we locked eyes once he got out of his ship. My heart was racing and I could move. My breaths were becoming uneven and my eyes never left him.

Poe was walking and getting closer to me. I stood in the same place, fiddling with my fingers. He stopped one foot away from me.

“Hi, sweetheart.” He said with a small smile. I could feel a lump in my throat and my eyes filled with tears.

“Poe…” I said. But I didn’t move, I just looked at him and all over his body, just in case I made him up in my imagination.

“Maker, I’ve missed you.” He said and I could see his eyes full of tears, but none of them were yet falling down his face.

“You’re- you’re back. Poe, you’re back.” I said taking a step forward, but stopping myself because I was still afraid he wasn’t real.

Poe, knowing me very well, must’ve noticed this, and reached out to grab my hand. I gasped when his skin came in contact with mine. “I’m back. I’m right here, it’s me.” He said.

I let out a sob and threw my arms around his neck. I hugged him tightly and he returned the gesture. Tears were falling down my face.

“I missed you so much, Poe. I can’t believe you’re here.” I said and he was rubbing my back.

“I know, baby. I missed you too. I came back the moment we won.” Poe said before leaning back to look at me. “We won.”

“I know. I’m so proud of you and I’m so glad you’re okay.” I said with a smile. Poe looked down, seeming ashamed all of a sudden.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come back. I swear I wanted to but everything was crazy and dangerous. I even got taken in by the First Order…” He said and my heart dropped.

“What?! They took you hostage- What did they do to you? How did it happen?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine. They didn’t do much, don’t worry.” He said before taking a strand of my hair behind my ear. “But that’s when I swore I would fight. I was gonna do whatever it took to save the galaxy and come back to you… And I did.” Poe said making me smile.

“You did and that’s what matters now.” I said. Poe let out a huge breath and looked down at my lips.

“Please let me kiss you. It’s been a long time.” He said and I instantly connected my lips with his. We pulled each other closer.

We stayed like that for a good minute until we heard some beeping, making us pull away. I looked down and BB-8 was there with his head tilted.

“Hey there, Beebs. I missed you too.” I said. and he beeped back.

Poe gave me that charming smile that I knew too well. Then, he briefly glanced behind me and his smile dropped.

“What is it?” I asked and turned around only to see Shara getting closer with a bunch of flowers in her hand. The sight of her made me smile and I looked back at Poe.

“That’s my daughter.” I said which made Poe’s face fall into disappointment. “…Which also makes her your daughter.” I spoke again and Poe’s face lit up.

“We… We have a daughter?” He asked. I looked back at Shara, who was counting her flowers.

“Shara? Come here, honey.” I said.

“Shara?” Poe asked as he looked at me with the biggest smile i’ve ever seen.

Shara looked up and ran towards us. She glanced at Poe with a curious look and never took his eyes off him.

I bent down and Poe did the same. “Honey, this is Poe Dameron.” I said.

“I’m Dameron too.” Shara said with a gasp. Poe was speechless.

“Remember that picture I showed you of your dad? This is him.” I said.

Shara looked at Poe, surely trying to connect the face she saw in the picture to Poe’s face. Then she recognized him and a bright smile, similar to Poe’s, appeared on her face.

“Dad! It’s you!” She said before throwing her little arms around Poe.

When I looked at Poe’s face, it was full of tears and he hugged her back picked her up. He closed his eyes and swayed her from side to side.

“Oh, Maker… I can’t believe it.” He said just above a whisper. “I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry for not being here.”

I shook my head as I started crying again. “There’s nothing to apologize for. I couldn’t find a way to contact you and tell you… You couldn’t have known.” I said.

Shara leaned back to look at her dad’s face. She cupped his face with her little face making Poe smile. BB-8 was rolling around them both.

“How old are you, little one?” He asked.

“Mommy calls me that too!” She said, making me chuckle.

“She’s four years old. Almost five. Isn’t that right, sweetie?” I said and Shara nodded.

“Daddy can be here for my birthday right?” Shara asked with a pout on her face.

“Of course, I will. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay with you girls forever.” Poe said before looking at me. “I promise.”

I nodded and wrapped my arms around them both. Poe kissed my forehead and Shara’s cheek. “I love you both so so much. I love you.” He said, looking at me at the last part of that sentence.

“I love you too.” I said.

We stayed like that for a while until Shara spoke. “Daddy can teach me how to fly!” Poe gasped and placed her on his shoulders, just like I did yesterday.

“I’m gonna teach you all the tricks! Let’s goooo! Pshhhhh!” He said while mimicking an X-Wing with Shara. I laughed as I watched them play around.

Our family is finally complete.

*******************************

[stinalotte]

Season 5, Episode 6: The Shrine

I said I had to gather my thoughts before I would be able to write something coherent. I still don't know if I can do it justice. It's weird, but I hesitate to call The Shrine my favorite episode because it's so devastating. It's very shippy, it has phenomenal acting from everyone, the story is heartbreaking, it should be perfect - but it just hurts so much. If this is my favorite episode, what kind of masochist am I? (Don't answer that, that was rethorical.)

I'm placing this under a cut because this is gonna be long.

The cold open on this one is just brutal. Rodney is already pretty far gone, and he calls himself "Mr Rodney McKay" instead of Dr, because "doctors are smart, and he's not smart anymore". To know what's happening to you, to slowly lose your mental capabilities and to be able to still process what's happening, that's cruel. And then he's calling for John, and that's when I had to pause the video for the first time because the tears were already coming. The title sequence hadn't even started.

Fuck.

I lost my grandmother to Alzheimer's a couple years ago. She had a slow and steady decline and thankfully, it was one of those cases where she just forgot more and more, but without the mental anguish. She wasn't panicking, or aggressive, or even agitated. Just a smiling, sweet old lady, who in the end didn't remember how to sit or eat or breathe. When she died, I couldn't cry. I was too busy consoling my mother and aunt at the funeral. The first time I cried was when I rewatched The Shrine, years later. It just shook something loose in me. It's also the point where I decided that if I ever got diagnosed, and was still in a state to do something about it, I would end my life on my terms. I'm not putting anyone through that.

I remember Kate Hewlett saying in an interview that a lot of people on set where crying during those scenes because they had family members with dementia, and that she had to leave the room at one point because it hit close to home for her too.

At first I thought it was mean that everyone was like, "Yeah I realized something was wrong when Rodney was being nice to everyone", but then I thought, no, that's actually a good point. Because his friends were uncomfortable with alternate universe Rod (who was too suave and cool) and they're uncomfortable with a Rodney who is uncharacteristically nice. They love him as he is, not a polished version.

I know everyone is giving Dr Keller shit for not wanting to try the Shrine, but I really think it's because she's a doctor. I work with doctors, and almost weekly I have discussions about respecting a patient's advanced directive. I've had a doctor wanting to install a gastric tube in a patient who was at the end of their life. We had the advanced directive that CLEARLY stated they didn't want that. When I confronted the doctor, she was almost angry. "But they will starve! I can't let them starve!" Yes, you can, and you will, and you have to. The hardest thing for a medical doctor is to have to sit back and not be allowed to do something that might help the patient. I think that where she's coming from. There are treatments to be tried, and if Rodney is taken to the Shrine, all those other options stop. I still think she was wrong and I don't like her approach, but I think it's an explanation why she was acting the way she was.

And then we have Rodney running to John's room in the middle of the night because of course that is the first and only place he'd go. It hurt to watch him be so frantic and desperate. And John is right there for him, grounding him, telling him, I'm not going anywhere.

Beer On The Pier. Yes, you have to write it like that because this scene is a fixed point in time and a goddamn cornerstone of this ship.

Rodney, knowing this is probably the last night he'll be this lucid, wants to say goodbye. And John doesn't let him. Because Rodney's stuck with him until the end. He's not going to turn away, no matter how ugly it's going to get. The very thought of saying goodbye is so foreign to John that he doesn't even want to discuss it. "That's final."

(Also, just for aesthetics alone, the night shots of the city are beautiful.)

I'm trying to be a bit less rambly, but what can you do when you have this masterpiece of an episode?

In the cave, when Rodney is intense pain, John has his arm around him the whole time and doesn't let go until he is himself again.

I love how everyone is so caring and surrounds him with love.

And ugh, the surgery - with fucking power tools. Barbaric. But necessary. But man, to hold your friend's head in your hands, holding him still, while a literal drill is going into his skull? I'd have passed out.

The only tiny little thing that was a bit jarring was Rodney's confession to Jennifer at the end, and just because for me, it came a bit out of left field. But I am nothing if not good at ignoring things that I don't like, so I'll just refer to fanfics that fix this. No harm done.

And finally.

David Ian Hewlett.

Holy fuck, dude.

HOW are you not buried under a shitload of Emmys? How is there not a whole wing of your house dedicated to housing the tons of awards you should have gotten for this? (I know he did get quite a few, but I'm talking custom built shelves in at least four rooms. Minimum.)

Everyone brought their A game acting wise, but this guy knocked it out of the park. It was heartbreaking, moving, extremely believable, and just jaw-dropping. David is, in my opinion, one of the best, if not the best actor of the franchise, and I don't say that lightly. I have a massive crush on Joe Flanigan and he's great, same with Amanda Tapping, but David is just fantastic.

So yeah. There you have it. My very concise, totally normal opinion of this episode. I doubt anyone reads all of this, but hey, this is my tumblr and I do what I want.

If you did indeed sit through all of this, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to tag or reply or add stuff.