#like about 1500 years of this
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fanartka · 8 months ago
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My dear @sobeautifullyobsessed , I can't help but re-reblog it with your tags, because your words are so true 🫂
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serpentface · 12 days ago
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What’s the architecture/layout of old Bur, how do modern people perceive the ruins?
The city in its peak was very large and spread over both shoreline and a network of small islands. These islands comprised a waterfront district connected by a network of bridges and canals, where a large portion of its non-agricultural lower class lived.
It had a fairly well organized and efficient freshwater+sanitation system across most of its span (the canal district had less effective plumbing largely due to logistical difficulties, most of its wastewater was instead flushed by rain powered cisterns). The water system was powered by the Hsuke river and made fresh water readily accessible throughout the majority of the city (though few homes had direct freshwater plumbing). It had several major public baths, and the homes of the wealthiest members of society had their own private bathing pools.
In this part of the world, it is broadly regarded as once being one of the most beautiful cities to have ever existed. It was particularly noted for its water gardens (still a fixture of present day Burri culture) which were absolute marvels of engineering for that period, with the majority of these being entirely artificial and supported by its network of aqueducts. These hosted thousands of ornamental plants, fish, and fowl, as well as fruiting trees and shrubs. They were treated as a public work meant to benefit all citizens, and existed throughout the city.
The palace in particular was noted as impressive, in part for its architecture but mainly for its gardens. These hosted 'exotic' plants and a menagerie of animals from across the empire's territory, and existed in part as a symbol of the state's power and reach. It was a trend for emperors to bring in the fiercest animal from each conquered province to the grounds, with the an-nechoi being the beast of choice from the lands across the sea to the east, with one (Probably erroneously) cited as killing thirty servants in the process of moving it into the gardens.
The palace was located within the temple district. This district housed over a hundred shrines to the various lesser deities of the pantheon, and temple complexes to the seven chief deities (the firstborn gods who created the world, all other gods were later descendants). Old Burri temples were Kinda similar in shape to a ziggurat, though had an accessible interior space and a central tower which housed the shrine. At this time, the chief gods were believed to physically inhabit their temples. Each god had its own high priest permitted to attend to their shrine, with the emperor being the high priest to Inanariya (king of the gods) and the only person permitted to directly commune with this deity. The foundations to these temples are relatively intact in the present day, though none of the towers remain (collapsed in earthquakes with no one to rebuild them).
The city was heavily fortified, having one external wall surrounding most of its length, and an internal wall surrounding the palace/temple district (which doubled as a fortress).
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The period of sea level rise began with a 500ish year period of mostly gradual increase, which occurred slowly enough that most infrastructure could adapt very easily and the problem went unnoticed by most (the city of Bur experienced most of its Growth during this time). It then culminated with about a century of (relatively) rapid rise, which is the direct cause of the city's abandonment.
The canals flooding had always been a problem during storms, but this began to occur with notable frequency, alongside the water level as a whole rising quickly enough to be noticed on an immediate human timespan. The canal district was maintained for a while by rerouting some of its waterways and building up barriers, but it was the first part of the city to be abandoned. Things got more serious when the mainland parts of the city grew increasingly impacted by storm surges that never seemed to fully retract, and major parts of its surrounding farmland were hit by surges and tidal waves, and rendered too saline to remain arable.
The actual single biggest cataclysm was the collapse of the city's mainland sewage system. It was built with flood canals as a failsafe, but these were built to withstand heavy rain rather than an encroaching ocean. Storm surges would cause large segments of the city to be flooded with sewage (including some of the freshwater plumbing), and serious disease outbreaks would follow.
These issues were enabled/exacerbated by earthquakes (the region is geologically active and this isn't unusual) that further damaged and mingled the sewage and freshwater systems. One earthquake and its subsequent tidal wave was a turning point, and the resulting breakdown of (already strained) infrastructure rendered a large swath of the city uninhabitable in the space of about a week. This also just caused immediate damage to much of the city's architecture/walls, and collapsed the tower of the temple to Inanariya (never a good sign). This is when the full exodus began, first with people flocking to un-flooded parts of its city and farmlands, and those who could afford it fully relocating to other cities/towns.
All of this issues were compounded by the 1st Burri Empire already being in a period of collapse at this time. This was largely a matter of simple overextension. Its borders were constantly under attack by rival states/its victims, sometimes with great success. Bur's own population had burgeoned well past what the imperial core land could sustain, and its cities relied predominantly on extraction of foreign grain/goods to feed their people. It lost most of its eastern land holdings in a fairly rapid timespan (overextended with wars at multiple fronts), which caused frequent famines in its core.
This put pressure on its final emperors to invest in increasingly desperate expansionist projects, while attempting to keep up public morale with lavish public works and objectively stupid vanity projects. The attempt to excavate a canal at the Viper seaway's 'tail' (one of the few eastern regions it retained secure control of at that point) was in part a desperate act to revive its economy by opening up/monopolizing a new trade system. The amount of money and manpower sunk into this ultimately doomed project was followed by Bur being fully ousted from its eastern holdings, and was one of the final straws in its collapse.
People in the city of Bur proper were dealing with the double front of starvation and their homes + streets + immediate water supply being flooded with seawater and literal human feces. These issues impacted the lower classes first and most severely, but ultimately transcended class boundaries. Famine grew more and more rampant, not only with the loss of the colonial holdings that supported the population but of farmland in the imperial core- much of the city of Bur's immediate farmlands were unproductive due to repeat inundation with saltwater during surges, and the farmland along the Yamage river to the north was rapidly being captured and pillaged by the Hsem (historical enemies, a nomadic group with a khait warrior culture from further west).
All this was fucking unlivable in of itself, but also had very obvious implications in the context of Burri emperors also being high priests and the chief intermediary between the gods and the people. Not only was the government failing to sustain its citizens to begin with, but signs of divine disapproval were deeply apparent.
So the last days of the 1st Burri empire were a chaotic period of civil unrest, most acute in and around city of Bur proper. This involved near-constant peasant revolts and several attempted coups. The last Burri emperor (of the First empire) ultimately fled the capital of Bur and reestablished in Titenegal, declaring it the new capital. This was then sacked by the Hsem within a year and after that it was fucking Joever.
The city of Bur was functionally abandoned by this point. People still Lived There and there were several attempts to set up a new government, all of which failed in the short term. After the collapse was complete, its inhabitants were mostly just peasants who built up new homes further inland and sustained themselves on the remaining farmland. Few people lived permanently in the city proper due to all of its intact infrastructure being effectively non-functional without the governmental bodies/human labor to sustain it.
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It should also be noted that it was Extremely not just Bur that was flooded, the sea level rise was worldwide (resulting from a collapsing ice sheet) and almost Every coastal city during this period experienced the same issue. Bur's demise was just notably dramatic in that it was once the most heavily populated human city that has Ever Existed, and directly correlated with the fall of the empire it hosted.
The flooding was fairly gradual, but it's been 7 centuries since the first Burri empire's collapse and the fall of its capital city, and many contemporary records were lost to the immediate chaos and to the large span of time since. Cultural memory tends to reframe the flood VERY rapid on a human scale, many of the stories describe the city being swallowed in a single wave as an act of divine punishment (the popular notion at the time that the last emperors deeply displeased and shamed the gods has stuck into the narrative, often exaggerated into stories of them being horrifically debauched blasphemers guilty of the worst disgraces imaginable). Even more conservative accounts tend to imagine the totality of the destruction taking place over the span of about a year (merging the memories of the immediate earthquake devastation with more gradual elements of its slow flooding). People widely believe that most of its residents drowned in the city's cataclysmic demise, and that the ruins are now Extremely haunted.
The state of the flooding is not 'completely under the sea' and you can still walk/wade through most of the inland ruins (the canal district is effectively submerged, with most structures that Would be above the water level having collapsed against the strain). As such, some people Do Live Here. These people are mostly smugglers and pirates using the ruins as a hideout, and/or opportunistic hunters and fishermen who won't let ghosts stop them. Entering the city ruins is currently forbidden (largely Because of the criminal nature of basically every motive to go here (even hunting, which is considered poaching)), but enforcement of this rule/active patrols to prevent entry are inconsistent.
The majority of Old Bur's inhabitants are animals. The un-flooded parts of the city and its gardens are now a host to a thriving community of native plants and animals (and a few descendants of escaped non-native zoo animals/ornamental plants that adapted well to the conditions).
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The egret shown here is a foreign species originally brought as an ornamental bird. In the centuries since its first import, it has become widespread and occurs on both sides of the Mouth seaway. It can hunt in both freshwater and saline environments, and a very large population lives permanently in the ruins of Old Bur.
Its common name is the ghost egret. Contemporary Burri folklore holds that the ghost egrets of Old Bur are literal ghosts, carrying the souls of those who died in the cataclysmic floods.
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jerys · 6 months ago
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thinking abt merlin through the ages contending with the fact that arthur is still so present in the land. in mythology in legend in fairytales told to children in books and films and countless other forms of memory. throughout the world he is remembered still, and yes it isn't really him they're remembering, it's the legend of him, the myth, the heroic fool's gold shimmer of his legacy. but he's still here.
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armandposting · 7 months ago
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marius does seem to have a lot of complicated feelings about what he did to armand and I really hope one of them is guilt for his thinking in buying armand originally. he talks in blood and gold about how when he heard armand's mind, the entire reason he wanted him was because he thought, here is a child who has been so hurt that it will be no loss to the world if I make him a vampire. and he wavers on this later and I hope it's because he saw this child make friends and learn things and love rings and watches and swordfighting and realize that actually there is never a child so damaged that taking them from humanity is no loss. I wonder if part of the reason he never tried to talk to armand after seeing him with the children of darkness is that he saw that boy changed into a lonely stoic cult leader with no more will or verve and was too consumed with guilt to even try. I hope that guilt started when he took armand to kiev rus and saw how much armand still loved the family he hadn't seen in years and for a while barely remembered from trauma. also I hope marius explodes into one thousand pieces but that's mostly irrelevant
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midwestscreamo · 4 months ago
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I know a thing that’s kind of been up for interpretation in fandom is whether the female form is that of the young girl in the spring, or if it’s of them if they were born female.
In the new anime, I think they lean towards it being the form of the girl that drowned (why she has pink hair and pink eyes instead of Ranma’s usual blue eyes). While this is fine and to each their own, I personally prefer to think of it as Ranma if they were AFAB. To me, it feels more aligned with the idea that Ranma is Ranma no matter which form they’re in and their experiences belonging to Ranma entirely no matter their gender at the time.
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figofswords · 1 year ago
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anybody remember the stephanie brown essay I was working on under a research grant fully last summer? yeah it’s not done yet it super needs to be done and I’ve been avoiding working on it for weeks. someone tell me to just do it already
#the problem is. actually there are several problems#1) I’ve been out of the Batman/dc comics phase for almost a year so I don’t care that much about the topic#2) I am fifteen pages in and have not touched it in months so I’ve completely lost my train of thought#3) I can’t just reread it because I hate first five pages or so and I know I need to change it but I was trying to finish before editing#so now my only solution is I need to open up a new doc and completely restructure the whole thing by splicing together the existing writing#so that I can figure out where the hell im going with this and make sure things fit together better#unfortunately that sounds fucking exhausting#but I told my mentor I would have an update for him by the end of the week and. well. it’s the end of the week#I have to present it in April. I have to write and submit an abstract in March#the school gave me $1500 for this stupid essay and if I don’t have anything to show for myself.#well. I don’t know they can’t take the money BACK but it’s not a good look#and also I would feel bad#I did the research!!! i interviewed comic writers even!!! I just haven’t finished WRITING IT DOWN#and I KNOOOOWW once I get started it’ll be fine once I’m going I’m going#but STARTING is hard because I feel like I have to finish it in one go which makes it so huge and daunting#I’m like. slamming my head into a wall. just write a couple sentences Jess something is better than nothing#just start it you don’t have to finish just START just MAKE the new DOC#I know!!!!! that is what my therapist would say!!!! Jess you’re trying to oneshot it bc of your dumb adhd brain!!!!#stop looking at it like that and making it scarier!!!#but even tho I know that logically I’m still like oh I should put away the dishes o should make bread#I should work on my six different art pieces I should do laundry i should play with the puppy I should go for a walk I sh
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lettersiarrange · 5 months ago
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Has time always moved this fast? I'm genuinely asking. In 200 years we went from Bridgerton to AI. The everyday lives of people in each of these eras feel like universes apart. I'm no historian, but it seems like the everyday lives of people between 1500 and 1700 weren't that different.
Have humans throughout time immemorial reflected on life 30 years ago, 100 years ago and commented on how vastly different it was? It feels like we're running at a breakneck pace in the modern era. The It Gets Better project was founded in 2010 because gay people were so universally ostracized that lgbt teen suicide rates were off the charts. And while we're still pretty far from full LGBT equality, openly having a problem with gay people existing is a pretty fringe opinion now that's fairly universally frowned upon, even in the southern US.
I'm pretty sure the first time a woman wore pants in congress was in the 90s.
Culturally, technologically, resource-wise, it feels like every 5 years we leap 5 decades forward. Is it just our own preoccupation with the era we live in that makes this moment feel so significant? Or are we actually moving as quickly as it feels?
I know people have always laughed at the grandpa's who complain "when I was your age...", but has the gap ever been this wide? Or is there truly something special about now.
#before someone @s me about *but some people still disapprove of gay people existing!!!*#i know. I'm from the south.#but even southerners know it's no longer something they're allowed to talk openly abt because doing so will make people think they're crazy#they may privately have a problem with gay ppl existing and say so amongst friends family and church#but nowadays it's the kid who's weirdly hung up on jimmy having a boyfriend who's uncool and strange. no one else has a problem with jimmy#even the radical conservatives are aware they ostracise themselves by throwing a fit abt gay people existing#that's why they're so fucking mad. that's why they're fighting so fucking hard. their opinions haven't changed#and 15 years ago they were on the side of the majority and now their opinions make them weirdos#they're evil but i kinda get why they feel like it's everyone else going crazy around them and not their own opinions that are the problem#again. there may yet be some spaces and schools in the US where it's still weird to be gay. but i would say that is the outlier#anyway that's not really my point i just know this site doesn't have reading comprehension#I'm genuinely curious as to whether time always feels like this or if it's us#yes every century has wars and pandemics and dynasty changes that impact history#but it kinda feels like the experience of a pandemic in 2020 with a smartphone and doordash is pretty significantly different than#the experience of a pandemic in 1500. 1300. etc. which maybe felt a lot more similar to each other.#and not to even mention the rapid changes in fashion!!!
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inu-sunset · 5 days ago
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inuyasha is like that knuckles comic where when kagome clocks his faggergie egg aura and asks him what his pronouns are he’s like stop cursing at me
#inuyasha#this is in my elaborate iy where kagome is actually closeted trans lesbian girl#and where the feudal era is where she allows herself to “come out’ - where she can eve herself in the 1500s#because none of these people can follow her back to the present where she has to pretend because she’s too afraid of rejection#and sango is a nb lesbian who’s relationship with gender and sexuality#have been massively complicated by her role as eldest and daughter and woman and warrior#where she feels torn between compulsory femininity and sisterhood and womanhood#and her duties as a warrior and eldest#and her truth as a masc lesbian warrior#and miroku is a gay man who’s tasked with continuing the family line and he feels like he’s betraying his father#for being gay so he hyperperforms chauvinistic masculinity because that’s what’s expected and demanded of him#his legacy of young death and the duty to defeat naraku and free his bloodline of this curse#but also being a massive fruit#he hits on sango because he’s gay as a fun straw and he subconsciously clocks her lesbianism#and feels safe hitting on her because he knows she’d never in a million years reciprocate and put him in the horrendous position#of having to fulfill the other half of the ‘lecherous archetype’ and have STRAIGHT SEX#they’re each others beards is what i’m saying#and iy? asexual and agender and identifies as neither because he would be caught dead before giving a shit#about his own gender or orientation. ‘i like what i like and i am what i am! now FIGHT ME!’#you know shippo is genderfluid. look at that thang.#and sesshomaru? the biggest cuntiest most tortured diva bitch QUEEN you have ever seen#imagine being born eldest and having this internal tortured narrative of having to be a king#when dee down you’re a dramatic fruity theater kid and queen of the balls#and then that father going and cheating himself a side baby and making THAT the tessaiga heir#like bitch i pretended to like football for you. i could have been fagging it up this whole time???????#i would be livid. no wonder he hates it#*iy#he’s like. you’re that bitch brother that robbed me of my throne!!!! and iy is like literally who are you#also in my version rin and sesshomaru never hook up because what the literal fuck are you on about#kagura trans woman who knows sesshomaru is a massive peacock pretending to be straight and fooling nobody
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sinnettini · 1 month ago
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the REAL tragedy of having my phone stolen is that i'm gonna have to rebuild my meme folder from scratch 😔😔😔😔
#i swear i'm going to back up shit regularly on my new phone. learned the hard way that saying “i'll do it at some point” for 2 years#is gonna bite me in the ass if shit happens#jokes aside (i need those to cope) yesterday i literally started crying so hard on the bus home after it got stolen#bc i realised i had like over 1500 pics of my cat who passed away last december and most of them were only on my phone#and the thought of having lost so many memories of him makes me feel so so so so devastated#i'm going to ask my mum to let me find all the pics of him i've sent her on whatsapp over the years bc i did use to send them to her often#as i do with our new cat#and i'll also look thru like discord#i know i posted quite a few pics of him on tumblr when he passed away and in the months after but my old blog is no more :/#there could be some on here/my main i have now so i'll check if i can find them but yeah#it's maybe dumb bc like it's not as if pictures are everything he'll always be in my heart regardless!!! but. my memory is not the best#with like... idk life memories slip away from me very easily which is very very scary so i cling onto pictures a bit to be able to remember#so yeah. i'm sad about this. and not just my cat like i had concert photos and videos i had a ton of things! like as an example i had#a folder with nice words my friends have said to me like nice things they've said about me. and i stopped updating it a long time ago#it didn't have A LOT of screenshots but it did have some and they were very dear to me#idk. i swear. i'll back up everything from now on lmao#sorry for going on about this btw. i'm so tired i don't even feel like watching tennis or whatever lol#ik this is supposed to be my sports blog and you guys follow me for that instead i talk about all these things that aren't sports lol
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probablygayattorneys · 1 year ago
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So as while you all know, I've been super excited that Ashley is coming to the switch, but something about it that I've kind of kept to myself because I wasn't able to describe it was also this feeling that something was off. It was just... not right. I thought maybe it was a kind of selfish apprehension, like perhaps I just was so used to this game being something it felt like only I knew about, and then it was announced in a direct with over a million people watching and it felt like my secret treasure wasn't a secret anymore, and while I am selfish and childish, I don't think it's that.
After watching this video, it seems more clear to me. This is not just remastering the game for the Switch, like the Ace Attorney games. This is a remake. This is an adaption. I understood that some changes would have to be made to change from a two screen, one of which is touch device to a single screen that technically has a touch screen but also needs to be able to be played with a controller, changes would have to be made, but not to this degree. This feels like a different game. Especially the graphics. They may be much more smooth and technically higher quality now, but the original also had a certain charm that I'll miss.
And taking into account all of this, I have a message just for Nintendo, so if you don't work at Nintendo, feel free to stop reading.
Look at me and listen closely. Do not even fucking LOOK at Kyle Hyde or anyone else at the Hotel Dusk or even the building itself unless you're going to respect it's incredible unique design and honor it for what it was. Out of the quadrinity of puzzle games I loved as a child, even now, Hotel Dusk reigns supreme in my heart. I know it's only a matter of time before you port him over but you better ONLY remaster him, not remake him like you did to Ashley. You show him and every single guest and employee at that hotel some respect or I'll show you my crossbow, got it?
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maraeffect · 2 months ago
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hi everyone, this is my monthly check-in <3
#not feeling so great lately...there's a lesion on my other knee now#and it most likely is cancer.#they want me to wait another 10 days for an mri???? like ur crazy#if u think i can wait that long.#sighhhhhhhhh.#anyway.#some cool things have happened#like spending all day in nyc with my partner on friday <3333#and um. i did wnt to vent about smth so uh.#ED tw#lately#my energy has been too low for me to wanna cook. which in turn made my stomach shrink a LOT#since i've been surviving by grazing on snacks.#and i didnt even realize i lost weight until i went to the doctor.#i didnt realize though that it would be even MORE lost when i weighed myself without my winter clothes#and uhhhh. i currently weigh what i weighed in my senior year of high school#which is the FIRST time i've been under a certain number in over SIX YEARS.#and i havent struggled at all w body negativity or ED thoughts in over a couple years. but.#now that my ideal gender expression has shifted more to the feminine side. and now that ive lost weight.#my brain INSTANTLY latched onto that#and was like omg YES do more of that#and it feels nice. this time im FINALLY not struggling to suppress my appetite!!! my body is doing that for me!#and obviously im still eating enough to live on#but still a huge caloric deficit. and rn my wheelchair shit keeps breaking on me. my mobility company is INCOMPETENT.#and my insurance might tell me i have to wait FIVE MORE YEARS for another type of chair......I WILL DIE BY THEN.#ugh everything is so complicated now. and im ALWAYS exhausted bc the sun sets at 4:30. i've just stopped binging and i replaced it with+#a LOT. of retail therapy. i've easily spent probably 1500 of my credit limit in the last 2 months. but you know.#that and not eating are 2 of the ONLY things i can control rn. out of all the fucking bullshit these useless people and my body put me thru#anyway. i'm sure you can tell how i feel rn. i'm just going to try doing anything else today.#vent
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icewindandboringhorror · 7 months ago
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recent things
#With the heatwave combined with being ill for like an entire week it seems I've lost like 16 days this month#where I basically did barely anything... grrr.... The passage of time... My Enemy...#Now that I can finally hold down food and stuff I'm feeling a little better mostly and my sickness has probably passed. But I still#feel weird a little bit like.. some lingering weakness or something. I think I'm just already having so many Problems at all times even in#my 'Normal' state that whenever I get sick or something my whole system is thrown off for a while lol#I'm supposed to be writing like 2000 words a day still ghbjhb... I've had multiple days of maybe 1000 - 1500. And a lot of days#where I write maybe 20 - 300. I've still been chipping away at the same single quest dialogue for all 20 something#days this month so.. AUGH.. Though that also counts the 16 days I did nearly nothing but be sick and overheated#I finally edited that whole big sims video I wanted to post!!! but now there's an issue with it ... T o T#My fault for still almost exclusively using windows movie maker in 2024 lol.. but HHHHhh.. It's like every once in a while randomly#a fully edited video will not be able to be exported. so evil for this to happen to my first sims build tour in a while. but alas..#ANYWAY... I have been slowly working on little things here and there.. in my little scraps of time.. Wishing to be fully productive at#some point. Maybe I can finally finish and post some things soon. like costume photos or sims videos and etc.#BUT HEY.. that solitaire thing is crazy to me.. I don't think I've ever finished a challenge in under 20 seconds#before. huzzah.. tripeaks squad.. OH.. and an image of#curly tail boye.............. he..... I took him to the vet for a check up and he seems surprisingly okay for a 16 year old. except he has#a mild thyroid issue or something so I'll have to give him medicine. But every time he goes in I'm always expecting them to be like#Sorry. Your Son Is Truly Doomed. or etc. so I'm always shocked when he's fine... a strange boy with many strange behaviors#so I can never tell if he's just Being Weird or if he's sick or soemthing ghjbjh#Also the bad thing about never ending summer heat is that when it IS finally cool for a few days. I don't want to do ANYTHING. It's like wh#n it's hot I feel too sick to do anything. And then when it's cooler I'm like 'OUU the first cool day in WEEKS.. i want to just relax and#fully ENJOY the coolness..'' So it's always constant warfare with my body like.. NO ..we cannot SLEEP. We must utilize this small patch#of Non Heatwave to finally be productive and finish things while we don't feel sick. But then it's like ''ohoho...to lay in the cold air of#the morning restfully.. i shall have a little nap with a blanket on for once.. perhaps.. tee hee'' Always at war with the Tired Sleepy#it seems. AAAANyway...... grr............ slowly finishing things. still usually missing my target writing goals..#Hopefully will have some actual art or costumes or something to post soon. Fumbling through the summer weather as usual lol
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inseparabiles · 2 months ago
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dear diary
I am afraid
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yrlocalghost · 3 months ago
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i really love pentiment so far because while i liked disco elysium, it is not something i would be able to enjoy anymore (too bitter to care about The Human Experience, too stupid for a lot of the things in the game) BUT i kind of do care if it is before to during the 16th century.
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archersgoon · 4 months ago
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the haladyans probably wore some sort of armour, right? & knowing shit about them is like, an 'intellectual' thing. & we see modern perceptions of them ('men in skirts'). do u think the reason no one wears armour in skuldenore is because protecting yourself is seen as effeminate & therefore undesirable. no froi you can't wear chainmail if u want to be accepted by your peers. real men either dodge or let their opponent's blade tear through them like a hot knife through butter
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lady-of-the-spirit · 1 year ago
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I think Matthew has some gender/sexuality stuff going on that he is deliberately not thinking about.
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