#like a mantra. as if to remind myself to make this as a post. i need something to do

[fagsex]

arguably one of the worst places for a caller to be coming from is inside the house

[hwanchaesong]

omg i got a good idea for an ateez song imagine: like i can -sam smith.

idk who but alive you feel like could match the vibes best. im kinda thinking yunho or seonghwa but they could be so different like shsbvsjsnd ily

a/n: this is SO SO VERY LATE I APOLOGIZE. THIS HAS BEEN ON MY DRAFTS FOR TOO LONG. I HOPE YOU'LL STILL ENJOY IT THO. AGAIN, FORGIVE ME FOR POSTING THIS AFTER SO LONG 😭

also, let's make this a seonghwa x reader x yunho cuz y not

suggestive (kinda smutty) & angst, no fluff here. love triangle, and mentions of other sins are in here so read at your own risk. also mdni!

LIKE I CAN - SAM SMITH

Seonghwa's piercing gaze cuts through the plethora of people in the dance floor of the smoky club, straight onto your figure latched onto his nemesis.

Jeong fucking Yunho.

Out of all the other guys you can mess around with, you really had to go to the person he least expected.

Seems like you know how to play a game of terror.

He scoffs when he sees you giggle at the other man's whispered words, biting your lower lip when his hand drops on your exposed thighs, crawling higher until it had you closing your legs in a failed protest.

Oh, how he hates seeing you like this. Like you weren't chanting his name like a mantra a few days ago. Like you weren't panting for more in his sheets. Like he didn't carved your body to accommodate him and only him.

He smirked when he saw an opportunity to lock you in, watching you saunter towards the restroom, and he stood up himself, boldly following you in there.

You were minding your own business, not until someone rudely barged in, pinning you on the wall with their face dangerously close to yours.

"What the f-"

"Watch your words, babe."

You almost shrieked when the person that you don't wanna have an encounter with shows himself without any warning.

"Seonghwa?" you muttered his name, and the way you called him sent the blood rushing down in his member. He loved it whenever you sounded meek in his presence.

"Let me go. I don't have time for this shit." you said, voice firm and he was shocked at how confident you are.

Is this what that Yunho has been teaching you? After all his hard work in shaping you into his submissive baby girl. Oh, he has to remind you where you stand in here.

"I don't have time for your attitude, princess."

Seonghwa's hands went into your waist, pushing your lower half into his own while he sticks his leg in between your thighs, causing you to let out a small squeak when your clothed pussy rubbed against his jeans.

It sent you down the rabbit hole, back to zero when he's intoxicating you like this again.

How do you even escape from him?

Park Seonghwa, the guy that every girl wanted yet you had him as your trophy after a one night stand during a drunken stupor of his frat's party.

He was once a stranger that you glanced at, maybe once or twice, you couldn't remember but you do know that he made you laugh. He made you happy for a short while before giving you an entirely different kind of serotonin. One that you could acquire when the waves crash you into euphoria.

He showed you a world of situations that sailed on ships made of sands. Thus, it crumbles easily, making you seek a home made out of bricks, a shelter that winds cannot destroy.

Yet here he is, in all his glory, kissing you like there's no tomorrow.

"I thought you were better than this. Care to explain yourself princess, hm?" he mumbles against your bruised lips as he nibbles on it, his hands going over your breast to grope it rather harshly.

"I don't need to explain myself to you." you panted, clenched fists weakly punching his chest, but you both know that no matter what you do, his temptation would be difficult to resist.

You moaned when his mouth slid down to your neck, biting your sweet spot while his hand wandered onto your damp panties, circling your garment-clad clit, it had you thrashing around in his arms.

Seonghwa chuckled darkly, murmuring the exact words that had your knees buckling for him, "Oh my sweet, little princess. I think I have to remind you that no one can show you passion like I do."

---------------------------------------------------

You were quietly sitting on the bed, the television's volume nothing but white noises to you.

Then you slightly jumped on your spot when a splash of cold water dripped on your cheeks, "Ah!"

You glared at the perpetrator, fresh out of the shower.

"Yunho! You scared me!" you whined, making him chuckle at your adorable countenance.

"You are the one scaring me, actually. You're too silent. Is something bothering you?" he asks, concern lacing his voice as he sits beside you, landing a palm on your leg and tenderly massaging it, giving you a sense of solace.

Yunho really is something, you think.

With him, it feels like all your sins will be forgiven. A gentleman that could cleanse your soul, a once in a lifetime chance and you'd be a damn fool if you let him go.

But it does plague your mind, the way you let yourself be consumed by the demon when you already have yourself an honest man.

"It's nothing, it's just-" you began to speak, but you were astounded when he cut you off with a groundbreaking fact that's been eating you inside and out.

"Is it what happened in the party?"

You and that Park shithead Seonghwa, he thinks.

You looked at him, wide eyed and anxious but he only waved you off. Still, there's a mayhem of vibes that surrounds him, and you have no idea of what will happen next.

"Y/N, my love, you must take for an idiot no?" he sniggers, then halts to tilt your chin up and he leans onto you, the tip of his nose brushing yours.

He's another kind of poison, and a pattern seemed to click in your mind on what kind of men you are drawn to.

"Yunho, it's not like that." you tried defending yourself but he shushed you with a peck on the lips, his hands brushing your arms lightly until he reached your shoulders.

Goosebumps trailed on where he touched you, then he abruptly pushed you down the bed, eliciting a surprised gasp from you.

"Darling, it's okay." he reassures, positioning himself on top of you and discarding the towel around his waist. Droplets of water fell on you, soaking your shirt that he hoisted up, revealing your breasts to him, your nipples perking up at being exposed in cold air.

His warm hands explored your smooth skin while he inhaled your scent, smooching on the crook of your neck and his eyes squinted when he saw the remnants of Seonghwa's disgusting mark.

His fingers tickled your stomach, reaching for your tits and playing with your nipples, tugging on it and you felt yourself getting wet with his ministrations.

"Y-Yunho.." you mewled, arms wrapping around his broad shoulders.

He merely hummed before biting the same spot where Seonghwa soiled you, mumbling curses at the thought of that shitty fuck boy.

"It's okay," he repeats what he said a while ago, "because at the end of the day, you'll still come back to me. No one can show you heaven like I can."

He already has you, and in Yunho's perception, you are his. You belong to him, you belong with him.

Dwindling roads and outreached hands are presented to you, so, which one do you choose?

[ventique18]

- personal, a bit cheesy haha -

I haven't been feeling like myself lately.

"Draw for yourself" is the golden mantra of artists, but the fact is, you're not the only person in this world. There are many people who pass by and watch you, appreciate you, look forward to the new things you'll come up with. Your own satisfaction might be what weighs the most, but I believe that the one, two people who smile and cry and share the emotions you put into your work are just as important because it reminds you that you're not alone in this world. You never are.

So for those people who look forward to seeing what I do, thanks for feeling what I feel whenever I write or draw. Seriously, I consider every interaction I get as a little "I appreciate you" from every individual. Time is precious, after all, and I feel as though I was given a small piece of someone's life with every second they spend laughing or crying or just being emotionally connected with me through the thoughts I write down or draw.

I'm really not myself lately. I haven't been doing what I usually do. And I want to apologize to those people who look forward to what I do and to myself, not because I think I owe people, but because I know I'm not doing what I want to do. I want to draw. I want to put my thoughts into words. But I just. Can't. And it feels like with every movement I'm carrying the weight of the world with me.

So dramatic. But I just wanted to write down my turbulent thoughts. I want to apologize because that's one way of wholly admitting that there is something wrong, and that I want to make it right. So I'll draw a little everyday-- I won't be posting everyday, but I will draw a little and hopefully finish nice things eventually. I'm thinking of going back to comic making, but instead of my usual 4 panel comedy, I'll be making multiple short story pages. It'll take longer, but I think this type of improvement is exactly what I need to be proud of myself again.

To my burnout homies, I believe this is the enemy of mankind itself LOL. A man without passion is a dead man. So I'm going to do my best to reignite myself and be myself again.

[dlnnylonmn]

Long post ahead…

I have been wearing diapers 24/7 for more than 16 months now. That is not a long time but it’s been a little while. I love it.

Someone just asked me: I anticipate you might get this question a lot, but I'm experiencing lack of confidence/big shame regarding want/need to be consistently padded. What did you do to gain your confidence? What worked for you? What didn't? Just curious. Cheers!

My response:

I had to sit with the message to reflect on how to respond because this feelings of shame and the lack of confidence are strongly experienced when in diapers. And those feelings conflict with the feeling of always wanting to be in diapers. I hope my response is helpful and yet I fear it won’t provide you with the answers you are hoping for. Honestly, I think it helped that I embraced the shame and it brings me some excitement or joy now. How I did that and continue to do that is through the following steps:

-Identify and acknowledge what you want and the feelings it brings: It is powerful to say out loud, “I am a diaper boy. I wear my diapers 24/7.” (Just saying “my diapers” and “diaper boy” makes me feel excited and squirmy.) In addition, stating your feelings for wearing diapers and the contradictory or conflicting feelings that arise is important for me. I would even state how I feel out loud to myself. The identification empowered me.

-Reflect on the feelings: once I stated the feelings, I spent a lot of time thinking about why I feel that way and how does my body and/or mind respond to those feelings. This reflection happened in talking to myself and in journaling. This is a lot of internal q and a that can be done alone or with another. Stating that I feel nervous about being in diapers. Why do I feel nervous? I feel nervous because someone might discover I am in diapers. What would happen if someone saw your diapers? Well it depends on the person. Etc. Let yourself talk through it and think through the questions and your responses. Honestly that break down can make it a lot less scary and make the what if’s manageable. That can break down the stigma.

-Connect the feelings with something positive: for me, the shame I felt and the reflections I would state out loud created an excited feeling that brought me sexual desire and joy. The humiliation became a big turn on. I explored this with a Dom that talked with me a lot about the humiliation. That worked for me for a while. But it didn’t keep me in diapers. However, it established that desire to always find a positive connection with being in my diapers. Now, for me it’s the smooth feeling of the plastic, the relief of wetting and filling my diaper, the bliss of using a vibrating wand, the excitement I felt when I was in public and heard my diaper crinkle or felt my diaper bulging, etc. I also started liking the feeling and security of wearing plastic pants over my diapers so I started wearing them too. Taking stock of the positive feelings and associations reminded me that the benefits of wearing diapers 24/7 outweigh the challenges, at least for me.

-Talk with others about the feelings: Talking with others has been very helpful in some ways but I also realized that I became unhappy when I depended on others to explore process my feeling about diapers. Eventually, talking with others became something that did not help me and I needed to depend on other strategies.

-Hypnosis files: I found diaper hypnosis files on YouTube and on Reddit that I really enjoy using from time to time, whether it is when I sleep, when I am exercising, or when I am relaxing. Sometimes I would put in headphones and listen to a hypnosis file instead of music. That helped because they became mantras that helped my subconscious. I found it relaxing at times. But I found at other times I am not enjoying nor feeling relaxed by the hypnosis files, so I use them occasionally. These files tell you that you need diapers and I always will wear only diapers. There are a lot of variations that I like. My favorites are from HypnoCat (I even bought their files because I liked their voice and how they scripted the files; plus I wanted to support another ABDL putting something out there for the community). Honestly there are a lot of good files and choices on YouTube. Some of the field from other artists are more like stories that they guide you through, which are also enjoyable.

-Reading stories of others wearing diapers: I think it has really helped me to read stories about others in diapers. It reminds me I am not the only one and can help me process and reflect on my feelings. Plus, some of the stories can be very erotic and arousing. I enjoy ABDL stories from Tumblr, Nifty, Diaper-Bois, and even on my Kindle.

-Practice and time: The more I wear diapers, the less I experience negative emotions about being in diapers. It normalizes the experience and makes diapers part of your life and routine. This is important. Also, the more I wear diapers and get used to wetting anytime I feel the need, the less confident I feel that I could go without wearing diapers and not have an accident. Plus, the more practice you have at the daily life of using diapers, the less nervous I have felt, including preparing and carrying extra diapers and changing supplies, finding a place to change my diaper when out in public, changing in a busy public toilet, walking to a garbage can in view of others while you toss out your used diaper, going through TSA in a wet diaper, etc. There are so many new experiences that will initially make routine tasks fresh. That is exciting!

- Get the supplies that work for you: It is so important to figure out what you need to be healthy and feel your best wearing diapers. I like selecting the right diaper for what I am going to do and who I will be with (e.g. thicker diapers at night and dependable yet less bulky diapers during the day for work). I found that CeraVe moisturizing cream along with baby powder was important for my skin care and I use them for every change. I found that plastic pants that fit well over my diapers helps conceal smells and I wear them frequently. I have even started wearing onesies at times when it feels right.

Ultimately, the most important thing I ask myself time and time again is: do diapers make my life better? Since committing to wearing diapers 24/7, the answer every day is yes, diapers make my life better. Honestly, when I think of never wearing diapers or not wearing diapers at times, it makes me feel unhappy. Actually I now feel more stressed at the thought of not wearing diapers. I do have a need for my diapers and diapers make my life better. It is true that people may see me in my diapers for some reason. I have accepted that though I don’t want that to happen. If it happens, it happens. I will ask myself if it is worth it and if my life is better with or without diapers. So far, my life has always been better in diapers.

[linkito]

hello. my eye is still twitching but GOD the most recent rambles and rp bits that ange posted made my heart ACHE for scar. he's being so completely and totally overlooked here by multiple other hermits (like his own pain and trauma don't matter) and uuughhhghhghhghhg. anyway poking you to talk more about scar's thoughts and feelings throughout that all IF you would so like (so i can sob and weep and cry and continue to distract myself from work)

Oh gosh, it's bad honestly.

Because Scar knows where his heart is at, he knows he'd never do anything purposely cruel to Grian. But he can't speak for Grian's intentions. The Hermits are concerned that Grian is seeking out self-destruction with their antics and well... Scar just doesn't know.

The safest option for him is to simply wait it out. They put a pause to the rougher side of things, and honestly, that's fine! Scar could continue their relationship like this and he would still be happy. But...is it really their decision? Or are they letting other people think for them? People who don't know their experiences. People who don't know what it means, why they do these things in the first place.

But Scar feels like he has to keep these thoughts to himself. It feels impossible to remove his own desires from the equation if he speaks up, and he wants this to ultimately be Grian's choice.

(But keeping quiet means letting the Hermits have all the influence.)

He also feels like he's being held to a higher standard than is fair because of his seemingly violent nature. He has to appear more put-together and tame when he's around the Hermits. He has to hold back the claws, the teeth, the growling, and even his wings because they simply serve as reminders of his battered and ghastly nature.

And isn't it a little ironic to be hiding wings again? Somewhere where they're supposed to be safe to be themselves?

Grian's trauma results in him being withdrawn and skittish. People see that and pity him, which is a whole mess of its own, of course, but... Scar's trauma resulted in him growing defensive and on edge, ready to fight when normally he'd flee. ...It's harder to empathize with.

The Hermits don't realize what it is the two of them had to do to survive. All they see are sharp edges that they think need to be sanded down.

When the sleepover comes around, Scar practices a simple mantra: soft little kitten paws. Keep his claws retracted. Be gentle and charismatic-- all the aspects of the old Scar that the Hermits want him to be. He wears a dress shirt and a cozy-looking sweater vest. He gets a fresh haircut and combs it back. He uses his cane both because he's anxious and needs the crutch, but also because he hopes it makes him appear more harmless.

... and yet things still go wrong.

have a doodle for reading this far </3

[ffjj5]

Wise words 💯

It is very easy to get lost in having to have everything, having to know everything, to see everything, and in the world of Jikook to be the first to talk about/post moments. But not doing so doesn't make you less of a fan or supporter.

Side note-I am as guilty as anyone else of wanting to have it all so this isn't me having a go, this is me reminding myself and those who also need to hear it that simply being a fan and enjoying the music and content is enough 🥰

Just a reminder that Jimin feels the same way too.

BTS are very socially conscious individuals and this is expressed in their music.

The mantra of love yourself is a social transgression and one that companies don't like, as society and business relies on us hating ourselves. So BTS are saying "fuck capitalism" over and over again.

Jin says they want to do free concerts

Jungkook deleted his Instagram, an account worth roughly £27 million at the time of deletion, oh the company would have been pissed 🤭🤭😂, and that was his intention.

Yoongi during the August D concerts allowing phones to sound check

And not taking down live streams

Suchitwa, his talk show, is shown on YouTube, a free platform for anyone to access.

There will be so many more examples out there from all of the members, the biggest being their music. For which they more often than not write the lyrics themselves.

One example

The other point raised in this video is about the aggression and hatefulness from some parts of any fanbase. Within the BTS fanbase this has gotten so out of hand, and this is not what these 7 men are about. Yes call out hate, homophobia, racism etc as that is just wrong, plain and simple. But do not hate on others for a difference of opinion on the music, the clothes they wear, the choices they make in their private lives. If you don't like it, just let it be and move on!

This went so much deeper than I initially intended so let me wrap it up with this as I know some will say, "but aren't they just part of the problem by having expensive merch, tickets and pay to view content and take home millions of pounds each year"

These 7 men have the power and influence to fight for what they believe and have a chance at making a change so let's support that shall we instead of trying to tear each other apart.

cr: @wbtete_art on Twitter

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

[haunteddonutalpaca]

I was gonna put this scene in a story with Slade, Talia, and Damian naming him. But damn, I am way in over my head. So, since it's a little too short for AO3 yet, I'm posting it here until I find the energy to continue.

The first time he said it out loud, the name felt like an armor that was too big for him to wear. Still, it was something, a shape he could fit into if he tried hard enough.

Specimen 8 stared at his reflection, his pale green eyes searching for something—anything—that felt real.

“I’ll call myself Respawn.”

His body was aching, bruised and battered from the violent process of being brought back to life. The aftershocks of his revival made his head pound with memories—disjointed, jagged fragments of battles fought and lost, accompanied by the grim, finality of death that never quite loosened its grip on him.

He wasn’t supposed to exist. That much was clear. The first thing they told him when he woke up was that he was a failure. Not in so many words, but he understood it well enough from the hushed whispers of the scientists and the way they avoided his gaze.

“He’s unstable.”

“A flawed clone.”

“A backup experiment at best.”

And yet, every time he died, his body rebelled against the very idea of staying dead. His heartbeat would stutter back to life. His lungs would drag in air. Over and over again, he clawed his way out of the darkness, refusing to give them the satisfaction of calling him finished.

The scientists hated it. He could see it in their tired faces and hear it in their clipped voices when they checked his vitals.

“I die, and I come back. I survive.”

The words came out rough, like a jagged edge scraping against something soft. His voice felt strange in his throat, unused for weeks, but it was still his.

He reached up to touch the shallow scar running across his cheek—a reminder of his most recent failure. They’d thrown him into a fight with someone bigger, stronger, more experienced. He’d lost. Again. But even as he lay crumpled on the ground, blood pooling in his mouth, he’d refused to stay down.

They could break his bones. They could tear his body apart. But they couldn’t make him stop coming back.

He staggered to his feet, his breath coming in ragged gasps. He stared at his reflection in the cracked mirror, his fists clenching at his sides. He wasn’t Specimen 8, wasn't just another failed clone of Damian Wayne. He was alive. He was here.

He dragged a hand through his disheveled hair, as if to steady himself. Bruises marred his skin, fresh scars overlapped old ones, and yet there he stood. Still breathing. Still fighting.

���So call me Respawn.”

It didn’t matter that the facility wasn’t a place for names. It didn’t matter that no mother had cradled him, or that no father had taught him who he was. It was a name born out of spite. A name that was just as fractured as the memories that clawed at the edges of his mind.

And as he returned to his cell that night, he repeated the name to himself like a mantra.

Respawn. Respawn. Respawn.

It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t poetic. But it was his. And from that moment on, Specimen 8 ceased to exist.

[nsfwitchy2]

I’m exhausted as fuck rn so I probably won’t respond to a lot of this stuff tonight, maybe tomorrow even depending on how I feel

But I do wanna say thank you to everyone who sent me nice asks and DMs lately 💞💞

I have literally spent the last two days like, “Everything happens for a reason, everything happens for a reason, everything happens for a reason-“ just as a mantra to keep myself from going insane lmao

So it was nice going on lunch and seeing people sending me posts that remind them of me or fun asks

No hate or shame if you didn’t do any of this, I didn’t ask anyone to, I just ended up feeling particularly shitty today and I got a random influx of nice messages and asks - so I wanted to let everyone who’s sent them lately know that I see them and I love them and they do genuinely make my day a little brighter even if I take ages to respond lol

[nomaptomyowntreasure]

there's so many "this band saved me" stories. here's mine, because it begins with the end of their hiatus.

like so many stories, it started with a boy, it started with falling in love, it started with laughter. like so many stories, it ended with abuse.

one thing I know now that I didn't know before is that abusive relationships are not abusive all the time, there's good moments, tenderness, gentleness that gives you hope, "this is what it'll be like, if only I'm good enough". that's how they keep you pulled in, and I gave everything of myself up to become a version of me that could be loved by him. it's easy to see that now, but it wasn't easy to see under his spell at all.

then, fall out boy came back from hiatus. and I remembered love. I remembered my friends. I remembered happiness. I reached out to friends to talk about the song and the band that we've loved forever and we got tickets to see them and we laughed and cried and sang. I remembered love and happiness, and it slowly dawned on me that what I had with him was not love at all, it was abuse.

I was at rock bottom, I felt worthless. You are what you love not who loves you became my mantra. you are what you love not who loves you. as I slowly put myself back together, piece by little piece. you are what you love not who loves you. until I was whole again.

so on this day, the 11th anniversary of the end of the hiatus I remember it still.

thank you, fall out boy, for in one of my darkest hours reminding me of love and happiness.

Here's some videos of that first post hiatus show i wenr to, they're the absolute worst quality and they make me the absolute happiest.

[arsenalgbt]

for the anonymous opinion:

your fics are incredible, and the way you write is truly beautiful to witness. the way you give each player their own unique personality while also making them reminiscent of their actual selves is absolutely amazing.

as for you as a person, that's even better! you seem so genuinely sweet and funny, i love reading your tags on posts, and your ideas and takes are always so good!! it's a genuine pleasure to follow you, i love seeing you on my dash. i have notifs on too, lmao. thank you for being so cool!! have a great day 🫶🫶🫶

anon, you shall know the only excuse I am holding off answering to you is cuz everyday I read this like a mantra. today I feel great we vamos with 3 points and I'm ready to post this.

thank you.

the way you give each player their own unique personality while also making them reminiscent of their actual selves is absolutely amazing.

I pride myself of my characterisations takes on all of my fics THIS IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME. you get it. that's basically it. my fics revolve on how I interpret the players' unique personalities (as far as we can depict from interviews interactions etc lol) and fictionalised them into plots. we're all cursed with the misery of having to write what we want to read HAHAHA interacting with comments like this keep me going I swearrrrrrrrrrrrr

as for me as a person pls that's the least a man can do to unwind. let's gourrrrrrrrrrr thank you for having notifications on wtf I do like reading my tags again and again it's organised for my fic writing hehe.

YOU;RE A ROCKSTAR ANON I THANK YOU EVERYDAY. I will cherish this ask~ you ever have a bad day remember this post and hopefully you will be reminded that someone is super thankful and is always over the moon by youuuuuuuuuu 🫵🏻🫵🏻🫵🏻

[beck-a-leck]

🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

For the writing ask meme. I'm always fascinated by people's definitions of "success" etc when it comes to fanfic (since mine is "I finished writing it")

Okay time to finally get around to answering this after working all weekend!

🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

Okay this is a really complicated answer and I'm not sure if i quite have the words to put this the way I want, so a lot of things about this might sound contradictory and I'm definitely going to ramble. But considering feelings are complex and often contradictory, I suppose that's to be expected.

The tl;dr is: I write for myself. I know I can't control other people. I don't let other people dictate my happiness. Share with low to no expectations, always be pleasantly surprised.

I think first and foremost, to not take things personally, I have learned over the years and through much experience, to divorce my sense of self-worth and accomplishment and overall happiness with Other People's Opinions. It's long been a mantra of mine to not let other people dictate my happiness, and that most certainly includes sharing creative projects in online spaces.

It has been a long learning process, and something I still regularly have to remind myself of, to separate my joy/fun/accomplishment/pride/enthusiasm and all of the other wonderfully positive feelings of creating something from how Other People respond to it. That's not to say I never feel disappointment and even sadness when something I thought might do better doesn't get the response and reactions I want. When I catch myself thinking that way, I acknowledge the disappointment, but then I remind myself of what I personally got from working on whatever it was.

Things like: I had fun making it. I got to learn something new. I tried out a new ship or trope, or perhaps revisited a favorite. I set a goal and accomplished it. I got to get the ideas in my head out onto paper and shared with the world.

Most simply put: I wrote for myself, and I like the end product, and that is Good Enough. Everything that comes after (comments, kudos, hits, chatting with people about it, etc) is just bonus.

(With obvious exceptions for requests/gift exchanges) For me, writing, or any creative hobby, can be a very selfish endeavor, because I'm writing the stories I want to read. I'm writing stories for my own entertainment. And yes, as contradictory as it may seem, I'm sharing stories because I also want to see how other people respond to them. I'm sharing because I want to feel good, and engage in a fandom community, and get that every so lovely hit of dopamine every time I see someone has interacted with my thing. But I do so always with the awareness that I am my first and most important audience. Again, everyone else is just Bonus.

And when it comes to the actual sharing process of writing, I try to keep in mind that I cannot control anybody else. I can't make people read my fics, I can't make them give me kudos, I can't make them leave a comment, or bookmark my fic, or come to my tumblr and say nice things. And everybody has so many different ways of expressing their opinions for something, that I can't even guarantee something as simple as a Kudos means the same to me as it does to them.

(I don't think Empathy is the right word I'm looking for, but it's the only one coming to mind, so...) but I always try to engage any disappoint I might have with Empathy and Logic for whatever idea of a Reader who might come across my story I have in my head. I'm fully aware that my story (and literally every story ever told) is not going to be for everybody, and therefore, not every person who sees it is going to have a positive (or any) reaction to it. For any number of reasons, they looked at my story and said 'no this isn't for me' and I cannot be mad or disappointed about that because I do the exact same thing. They might even click onto the story, read a good portion of it or all of it, get to the end and say 'actually, I didn't like this' and move on. Or hell, maybe they did like the story, maybe they loved it, but they didn't have the time/internet connection/mental or emotional energy/courage to leave a comment or hit the kudos or make a bookmark and that's okay too. Again, I cannot say I have not done the same thing. (and I have a much longer, more rambling rant about Obligations in Fandom, but we won't get into that here)

I always try to keep in mind that no matter what, any interaction is still one real life human being who saw something I did, and I try to put that into perspective. A fic only having a dozen hits can be disappointing, but at the same time, that's twelve whole people I can imagine standing in front of me and reading something I wrote. Which is actually a lot of people!

And because you brought up the measure of success, which is what this question is sort of getting at without saying the word... I don't know, I guess I don't tend to apply ideas of Success to my hobbies. At least not in the way of "Either it is a Success or it's a Failure." Writing is my hobby, and my hobby is supposed to be fun, not something I do for a grade or in competition. So I don't really think of it in that way.

I think in some way it circles back to Writing for Myself.

There's a part of me that is very at peace with the knowledge that if I never shared any of my stories from this day onward, I would still be happy writing. My writing folder is chock full of half-written stories that I likely won't finish, or ideas I had that only got to being a few hundred words of disconnected scenes and bits of dialogue, and even some stories that are 90% done, but I lost interest in the project and never finished it. But I don't look at those incomplete stories as failures, or even just on a very slow road to success. They served whatever purpose I needed them for, when I had an idea buzzing around my head, someday I might go back and finish them up and share them, but it's just as likely that they'll stay as they are, with only me to look at them.

I try to remove any pressures for myself when it comes to writing, because that is how it works best for me. When things become too pressing and guilt-laden, they stop being fun, I begin to feel burnt out, and when I don't have fun writing, I just don't write. It's my hobby, it's supposed to be fun, and when it stops being fun, then I know it's time to take a break. And, for me personally, setting arbitrary rules or deadlines, and adding unnecessary pressure is one of the fastest ways to kill the fun.

[annieisyourfavourite]

How do you deal with internalized ableism? I’m asking you specifically cause I know you have a lot of posts + feelings about diabetes and disability (though the disability I’m having trouble with isn’t my diabetes, tbh). Feel free to ramble if you want to!

I hope you’re having a nice day!! :)

i know this is old so my apologies for answering it so late. hope ur day is going well too!!

the biggest thing that has helped me when it comes to Internalized Ableism is, perhaps unsurprisingly, my work in disability access. until recently, i was the resident accessibility coordinator for a theatre, so my job was all about accessibility. and that kind of reworked my brain in a way to always be looking out for disabled people first

so believing the stuff i believe about rest, accessibility, each person's inherent worth, etc. in a general sense, helped me apply it in a personal sense. whenever i get upset about not being able to do more physically, i imagine i'm a client. and it's a lot easier to have sympathy for - and advocate for the unequivocal needs of - someone outside of myself. if that makes sense? like i tell myself "what would i say if this was someone else saying this to me?" and it helps because i'm kind of an angry, fiery person lol, so i never hold back when it comes to defending disabled people and fighting for disability justice. so it's hard to argue with myself when all these disability things are so integral to my belief system

the mantra of "is it my business / does it effect me?" also really helps me. i can get frustrated with people sometimes, and i can have Opinions on other people's accommodations and such, but often like. it's not my business! what helps someone else usually does not effect me, so i make myself refocus. because something i'm REALLY vocal about believing in is that disabled people are the experts on themselves. everyone is the expert on themself and their own experience. so whenever i find myself getting judgy, i remind myself (in tandem with the above) that even if it sounds some kind of Way to me, that each person knows themself and their experiences far better than anyone else ever can

and then sometimes it's just about having grace. sonya renee taylor once spoke at my school and said something along the lines of "i love the me that doesn't love myself". it's about giving yourself the grace to not always be where you want to be. and that's always good for me to remember when i'm struggling to not feel bad or judgemental of myself

[krillest1]

Week 12: Garble Garble

BECAUSE TURKEYS SAY GOBBLE Hello again. I'm writing this a day early, but scheduling it to be posted on Thursday in the interest of the "schedule." We shall see. This was a strange week. I read a lot, and I've moved on to the Romans. It's been strange to see the similarities and differences there, and to be reminded of my unknowing. I'm not history buff (or anything buff), and it's been interesting to learn a bit about that. I realized, for example, that I had a malformed idea of what 'crossing the rubicon' implies. I also had a... lapse or failure yesterday. I spent literally the entire day on social media. This was upsetting for a few reasons. First, I thought I had escaped my servitude to pleasure. Second, I've been telling people how well I'm doing at avoiding social media, so I feel shame. Third, it made me feel like I'm wasting my time (actually, I felt like my life was a waste and this prompted me to cover that feeling up by using social media). Strange, but a good chance to learn and think interesting things. In observance of a super cool and normal holiday, I'll be writing about gratitude this week.

'THE PROJECT' I've spent the last few years looking for a project to dedicate myself to. I picked up the concept from Heidegger, I think, and decided I wanted to take myself up in a specific way. More than that, I realized that the way I was living was not sustainable. I have been grasping desperately for meaning, which is pretty standard. I've come up with a few different projects throughout the years. Highlights include: total withdrawal, total commitment to knowing, pleasure, and a sort of pseudo-Buddhist abandoning of desire. I think the idea that our lives are 'projects' is kind of strange. A telos, even self-imposed, requires heavy lifting that I am not equipped to do. The idea that we have a say over what we do, or even think, is also a little bit suspect to me. One of my greatest fears, actually, is that all of the thinking and speaking we do is just covering up an ape-like posturing. We are natural things, and nature is cruel and without meaning. In the face of that, there is no project in a meaningful sense. There's just a recognition, or mis-recognition, of our place in the hierarchy and a recognition or mis-recognition of what we need to do to secure a more advantageous position for ourselves in said hierarchy. It's worth noting that I don't feel (I think you can see how the idea of thinking or feeling gets muddled here; that's why I used recognition above) that I fit in to a hierarchy. I am not going to have kids, or make money, and I'm working on being ok with that. It seems, then, that my project might not be a taking-up, but a coming to terms with. I'm not sure what, in all honesty. my 'project' is but I've been trying to develop one for a long time now.

GRATITUDE IN UNKNOWING The latest iteration of the project I've come up with is gratitude in unknowing. Bolstered by semi-regular exercise (walking, nothing crazy) and 'meditation' (not really, just orientation), I try to be grateful in unknowing. I also repeat the mantra 'today I am grateful in my unknowing' to myself multiple times a day. It's not perfect (cf: my failure from yesterday), but it's been one of the more stable structures I've developed over the years. I'm going to parse my mantra a little further directly below. Gratitude is not a feeling, at least in the way I use it daily. It is an action. Gratitude is an orientation that is grounded in knowing. If we are grateful for something we don't grasp on to it, but we want to hold it in clarity. We want to understand the things that make it up, and its place in the world. We want to know it, in some sense. I don't know why this is what gratitude is to me. It's not a definition I thought myself towards (I'm ultimately a deeply illogical thing). Instead, I value things being interesting, and I'm grateful for things being interesting, and the interesting is rooted in knowing, for me. There's some circularity going on in that explanation, oh well. Gratitude does get close to a feeling for me in that it requires care. Things are so complex and interesting that grasping them in a single mode/frame is to do a disservice to them. This is particularly true of people (more on this later). So, to be grateful for something is to orient oneself towards it in an interested, careful way. I am not, as we've established, a particularly smart person. More than that, there's a lot I don't know (and that I can't know, since I'm a bit dumb). The split between caring about knowing/the interesting, and my limitations, has caused me a bit of pain in my life. I wanted to be a knowing thing, and show others that I was knowing. I tried to got to graduate school, and realized in the process of applying that I am not equipped for this kind of thinking. I still, however, love the interesting. This left me in a bit of a bind. Recently I've tried to synthesize gratitude and being an unknowing thing. Instead of knowing a thing/person totally, I try to hold them in clarity from multiple points of view, and acknowledging the things I don't know. My emotions are similar, and have a relationship to the outer that's complicated in that they structure my encounter with a thing, but that is also something which I can know only partially. Whatever. The point is that I can create a nice loop wherein I am grateful for something, see it in partial clarity, recognize what I don't know, try to know it while knowing I can't know it, and deepen my gratitude for it. This is garbled, and embarrassing, but I'm trying to build a life here.

THE OTHER The project partially outline above has been mixed in its results. I, for example, still go on social media sometimes. I also find myself wanting the other, in a way that would be sexual or loving. I can't shake this, no matter how hard I try. Being grateful in unknowing means that I don't set definite limits on a thing, or myself, both because that's less interesting and because I can't encounter the world like that. Falling in love, or whatever, requires doing this though. I think so, at least. I have never healthily (or really at all) tried to love somebody else. I find myself feeling lonely, or caught up in a deep and crushing desire semi-frequently. I haven't quite figured out how to navigate that yet. A related point is that I don't know how to... be around or in relation to others. I feel a constant shame and fear (I'm working through it, not in therapy though) around the fact that I've 'wasted' my life. This relates to the other in that I compare myself to others in determining waste, and in that I feel that people (especially my parents) have a telos in mind that I cannot achieve. All of these points are bleeding together, and I'm not doing a good job keeping them kosher. Even when I'm talking to somebody, I'm constantly afraid that I'm boring them, or that I'm going to fail. It's been interesting to become aware of how much fear influences my life, and try (and fail) to work through that. The point, however, is that I am not sure how to interact with others. I find them interesting, but I often find myself wanting to be interesting to them, which is wrong. I don't know how to interact with others, but I find it interesting. To close, I guess, the meat of this week: I'm trying to figure things out, and not doing a very good job. I've been (in petite-bourgeoisie form) freed from material concerns for most of my life up to this point, which means I've been left without a real direction. That, paired with my fear of people(?), means that I have had to really try and construct a framework. I don't feel good or right engaging with the institutions and paths that other people make use of. Maybe it's weakness, or something. I try to read, and do a little LISP, and find interest in all of my interactions and loneliness. I'm not sure if it's sustainable, but I guess that's part of the point of this blog

AND THIS IS GARBLED I like thanksgiving, and I'm excited for it this year. My time on social media yesterday was (distressingly) fun, and it got me thinking about how we need some new analysis for the material structure of the world/economy right now. Maybe I'll try to explore that in future posts. It'll be a failure (I'm dumb), but it'll be interesting. I've, again, spent most of the week alone. Language has gotten slippery again, and I have forgotten a lot of what I've read. Even so, forgetting is part of unknowing, and I am grateful in my unknowing. It's hard for me to avoid fantasy, and wanting of a desperate variety. Maybe the chance to work through those things is good, but I feel a hang up about dedicating myself totally to my current project. It feels like I could wake up one day full of regret, wishing i had pursued... what, a semi-normal life maybe? At any rate, there are still some kinks to work out. I am also scared that I am going to get bad again, and spend all my free time in bed mindlessly scrolling that chans, tiktok, and reddit. A note on fear: it really was eye-opening for me this week to recognize all of the fears I felt. Sometimes the ground I stand on is fear, of being dumb or whatever. I can work through that, but I find fear lurking in all times and in all things. My body, my thoughts, my sleep, all become objects of fear. I would like to avoid this, but I think it takes work. Today, that work looks like me being grateful in my unknowing. Love ya, happy thanksgiving.

[maximuswolf]

Overcoming perfectionism: My journey as a musician writer and heart surgery survivor in accepting imperfections in myself and my creative process.

Overcoming perfectionism: My journey as a musician, writer, and heart surgery survivor in accepting imperfections in myself and my creative process. Evening Everyone!33 yr old Philly musician here. I recently started screaming into the void and opening up on my story on music and being a multiple heart surgery survivor... but this process of sharing then sent me into an 8 hour anxious spiral as I tried to make everything as perfect as possible and I realize now that this is my same pattern with releasing music.Why the hell is it so hard to let go of how our art will be perceived by others?How cruel life can be that I could be in the face of death, and yet I still couldnt come to terms with those imperfections. I wanted to recoil. I wanted to hide. Its always easier to give advice than to actually put it into action ourselves, and I felt like an imposter. I got so caught up in what the potential outcome of this could be that it removed the initial spark of creativity and passion that I had for this project in the first place.I could spend an entire year carefully writing, recording, mixing and producing a single song that I listen to endlessly with love on my own. But when it comes to sharing it with the world, I get so lost in wording it correctly on social platforms, and more than likely delete anything I share because I feel so bad about it. It takes me an entire day to write something on instagram. How I wish I could just post, drop, and walk away. These negative behaviors and patterns take away so much time and focus in my life.So what do we do with such a burden?“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know”— Pema ChodronIn my opinion, becoming aware is such a crucial first step. It’s what we choose to do with that awareness next that matters most.I woke up the next day feeling different. Wasnt a complete emotional 180, but I at least gave myself some time away from those toxic cyclical thoughts. I am reminding myself this is honesty. I am not perfect. I will never be perfect. I am still learning how to handle any of this and will continuously be a student. Even if I’m  pulling the slot machine handle in hopes I win the jackpot of validation that we are all programmed to desire in this culture, I will continue.So this is a blood pact to myself. A mantra. I am not sharing my music or my story because I’ve overcome all obstacles. I am sharing it because I am human, I accept my flaws, and this is an active process of personal growth.This is me setting the intention of how I plan to try to reduce how frequently these negative behaviors and patterns show up in my life, so I can feel better about myself, my process of writing, and creating art. I’m trying to tell myself in this moment to just try to put in the smallest amount of effort to change. Its worth it. You do not run a marathon after just jogging once. Trust the progress. Be patient. Slowly let go of internal expectations. Do not allow externalities to inform what your creativity.Last year I wrote a song for my fiance. I mention this not out of vanity, but because the opening lines:“Lets kill perfection. It never existed, you dont have to worry, ill carry you out of this story, any day. Break every mirror, you dont need to see yourself to know your beauty, i will remind you, your practically glowing”.So, may I stay true to these intentions, may I continue to learn to give myself the same compassion that I know that I can show to others, and may we all continue to find ways to share our art with open hearts. with luv,T Submitted June 28, 2024 at 06:46PM by bohemianaorta https://ift.tt/YoDHcMf via /r/Music

[positivlyfocused]

What Happens When I Share Advice Of My Eternal Being

Wisdom flowing from my Broader Perspective delights everyone who hears it. Clients often talk about “golden nuggets” I share during sessions. These nuggets represent peals of wisdom coming from All That Is. All That Is being expressed by my Broader Perspective.

This happens, of course, because now I’m chronically tuned to my Broader Perspective. That’s the aspect of All That Is that is the larger part of me — That part of me that remained in nonphysical while another part of me incarnated in this body.

By allowing that Broader Perspective connection as a dominant aspect of my consciousness, I can feel its communication. That communication feels deeply satisfying. And when I receive communication, accompanying it is a strong urge to express it.

That expression is what sounds like “golden nuggets”. Sharing such a nugget is what happened recently, to the delight of a newer client. Let’s take a look at what happened.

Some background

This client, like many people, came into the world through a family of “no nonsense people”. Her mother, and her mother’s mother…and so on through past generations��believed crying to be a sign of weakness. Compounded upon that belief are stories about what it means to be a woman.

So this client, as many clients do, came to her beginning sessions with a lot of resistance about letting go of resistance. One natural way we let go of resistance is through crying. Crying represents a manifested form of abundance. It’s what happens when variation inherent in life experience is so abundant, and our focus on that so acute, we go into a state of overwhelm.

Now my clients recognize the value of the emotion “overwhelm”. All emotions give us crucial information. But the majority of people don’t know this, which explains why so many people think crying makes someone a “cry-baby”.

If that natural expression doesn’t happen, emotional build up within the human body can get so strong, it can cause other physical and mental manifestations. Manifestations like disease, for example. Or anxiety.

In fact, most “disease” results from this. Medical science is beginning to recognize that fact. In a later post, I’ll write about discoveries science is finding. Discoveries confirming what spiritual adepts like me have known since ancient times: That our bodies are manifestations of our beliefs.

In short, it’s important to release resistance. Doing so serves many goals. For one, it contributes to physical well being. Secondly, it allows us to live lives where things we want happen with little effort on our part. Other reasons support releasing resistance. But these are two big ones; at least as far as humans are concerned.

Ok, back to this client.

A beautiful communication

So this client expressed strong knee-jerk reactions to my suggestion that she should let her tears flow. “Andersons [not her real surname] don’t cry” she kept saying. It was a mantra for her, even while we spoke about her father’s passing, a subject over which she had a lot of resistance. Indeed, as if in spite of this mantra, tears began flowing down her face. What a juxtaposition of manifestations!

This conversation would continue into the next session. Meanwhile, the next morning, I came out of the dream world with communication from my Broader Perspective on this topic. The communication came fully-formed. Along with it came a strong impulse to share it. So I made myself a reminder to send the client a text after my morning rituals.

When my reminder popped up, I sent the message. It was a while before the client responded, but I knew the message hit its mark. It was from my Broader Perspective after all. And my Broader Perspective’s wisdom is unerring. Here’s what I sent. The client’s response follows:

Resurrect your wisdom

When I received the “download”, as many new agers call this communication, its beauty astounded me as well. After writing it, I too, like my client, read it and re-read it. It does flow with amazing clarity and grace. It’s almost poetic.

This is the kind of thing that’s available to all of us. We are eternal beings experiencing human conditions as a way of expanding what we are. In doing so we also expand All That Is, including humanity and this world.

Most humans live through this experience as humans. But some come into the world with strong enough clarity to want more. They know this is not all there is. And in that knowing, they spark within themselves a rebirth, usually after some time spent as an ordinary human. This process is what Neville Goddard referred to as “the resurrection.”

I like that way of putting it.

Resurrection is a glorious experience. All that follows that experience fills one with such delight, words can’t get close to describing the expeirence. I encourage anyone with an iota of interest in the spiritual, anyone who sees themselves as a seeker, to pursue their interest; to become a finder. Tap into your Broader Perspective communication, receive delightful messages of beauty and wisdom. Then see your life transform.

[cardiac-arresting-sweetheart]

Hi do u have advice for someone who’s darling is dating someone else. Not advice for how to get over them im not giving up but like how to make yourself more desirable. Like what did you do to get your darlings

long post incoming because i have gone insane about this so much (lol. WHO AM I!!!!!!!!!) let me drop some insane info on you. finally an excuse to get this out of my system BYEEE

warning. this is really fucking unhealthy. ahahahah. but this is yanblr after all soooo ^_^

you have to figure out what their type is first. it's not too hard to get this information out of them if you just talk enough but especiallyyyy if they're a romantic kind of person, just goad this information out of them.

you can usually also judge from their personality what their type would be. weak people want strong people strong people want weak people. if they're both then they'd usually want either/both. that's what it boils down to. and if you know anything about typology maybe try to figure out their enneagram type or mbti/socionics type if you don't know it already and try researching what they would like based off of that.

and also off the person they're dating. but i think that's kind of obvious. DON'T TRY TO LITERALLY BECOME THEM THOUGH it's way too obvious. you have to make something up yourself... it's an artform

it's pretty easy to act a certain way if you just get used to it. maybe try practicing with ai (can also make an ai version of the idealized version of yourself just to see how it acts or of your darling to experiment... of course not if you're weirded out by ai or anything!) or strangers orrrr something like that. write down the personality you want to have and figure out how it'd talk, how it'd think, force yourself to become it. if you catch yourself thinking/speaking/behaving the wrong way, replace that immediately with the correct version and convince yourself that it was just a glitch. you get used to it eventually.

train yourself to always think before everything you say or do. every morning and night remind yourself to think before you do anything. it'll get through to you eventually. you can try writing or saying to yourself like 15-20 times, "i will always act how i should" or something like that. just a mantra so you start thinking the right way.

appearance wise is the same process just physical. write down what you want/need to look like and go research what you can do for that. just drinking water and eating well (not too much, not too little; gain/lose weight if/as needed/desired, it's just calories in calories out, if you truly care enough and are obsessed enough, you can do anything) works pretty well for looking better. exercise is always good. don't hurt yourself more than you already will be. this isn't really healthy lmfao. don't think i need to go too in depth to it.

and the most effective thing is subliminals/manifestation lol. not too hard to find things for that. you can use that to make them love you back/get rid of a third party and/or to change yourself. ^_^

this is like... really fucking unhealthy though. if that's not totally obvious. sooooo. take this all with a fat tablespoon of salt so to speak or just don't do this because you'll probably go crazy! and it's very likely they may still not even like you anyway... ahahahahahah. 😵‍💫

...i am crazy. i could probably go on for like 10 pages to be honest. LMFAO i love changing myself 😍 i feel like using subliminals can kind of make it okay though... since you can just... manifest that there's no adverse effects. haha.

yeah i'm crazy. thanks for listening to my ted talk i need to delete this later

EDIT: FORGOT TO MENTION get into their interests however possible. there has to be something you'll like LOL