#like a good self respecting 13 year old i got it from a friend who pirated it and put it on a cd for me

[wormsdyke]

old songs from unreleased albums that can only be found in two lyric videos posted ten years ago on youtube my beloved. think of the things this band could have been

[itsdrawingmen]

We need to talk about Zen.

Every character in Mystic Messenger is a tragic one, and the Casual Story trio is often disregarded in that respect. But there is one character for whom I’ve hardly seen it explored at all. Maybe it’s because his route sucks such major ass, or because he’s honestly a bit of an asshole, misogynistic, homophobic, and ableist; or maybe it’s because his trauma is only briefly, fleetingly mentioned, as he and his friends refer to it, and then quickly brush it aside.

Zen Ryu, beautiful, stupid, and self-absorbed, is, on the surface, a perfect comic relief character, a beloved himbo, brash but well-intentioned. And I think this wonderful actor has been playing that role so well that he has fooled everyone, including the fandom.

Some character exploration and the uncropped art under the cut.

It’s no secret that Zen’s selfishness is nothing but a coping mechanism, masking a deep-set fear of inadequacy and paralysing self-doubt. It’s stated explicitly by Ray in Another Story, and it’s pretty evident from the way Zen is quick to worry there’s nothing more to him than his looks.

It’s obvious where he got it, considering how his mother treated him and his passions, and how his brother turned his back on him when he needed him the most. But there are more things I haven’t seen discussed anywhere, and I have a lot of thoughts and headcanons, and simply questions, so let’s start from the very beginning.

It’s made very clear in Zen’s route that his early life was… well, horrible. As early as kindergarten, he started getting singled out for his looks. Strangers kept staring at him and wanting to touch him, which bothered his mother.

Instead of getting on their child’s side, little Hyun’s parents tried to convince him he was ugly, to ‘humble’ him. It’s said that they just wanted him to be successful and to have a stable, secure life. Well, good intentions pave the road to hell, as it’s said. What they got as a result was a child who was harassed and stalked at school and in the streets with no one to confide in but his brother, who didn’t explicitly dismiss it, but still made light of it.

A little interesting point:

Make a note here of the ‘protection’ line, because I will get back to it later.

Anyway, whatever small support and understanding little Hyun’s brother provided him with, it wasn’t meant to last. Zen states that their parents treated them so differently they effectively separated them.

When he entered middle school and found passion for music, what his mother saw was her son turning to a precarious road and basically undermining his future. When she tried to convince him his dreams were stupid, Hyun’s brother took her side, leaving Hyun without the last person in his family who supported him. So little Hyun ran away from home, and thus began the story of Zen.

And here is where things get interesting. Zen left home when he was in middle school. A middle schooler in South Korea is anywhere between 12 and 15 years old. And a person living on their own must eat something and sleep somewhere. But here’s the catch: you can only rent if you are at least 19 (I’m assuming, Korean-19, so 18), and you can technically work part-time jobs starting at 13, but you need parental permission for that. And for any full-time job you must be 18. And this is the first big question with no easy answer: how did little Hyun survive after he left home? Where did he live, and what did he eat?

We can assume that for a while, he stayed with his friends, whom he for some reason tried to hide from his parents.

However, it would have been problematic for him to make it a long-term arrangement. If his friends were teenagers like him, their parents would be likely to tell his family where he was so that they would come collect their son. And if the friends were older and employed, it’s doubtful they would be well off enough to host a dependent long-term, unless there was something sinister going on. So the question remains: where did he live and what did he eat?

He mentions part-time jobs and extortion as sources of income, he worked night shifts to make ends meet, and there are also the mysterious 'bad things' that we will get back to later. But there are more variables here than just money.

Well, as far as I can tell, the answer to that is right here:

And now, I want you to stop for a moment and think about what this implies.

A child in his early teens (I like to assume 13-14), and a very pretty child at that, with a history of harassment that was never addressed, let alone stopped, finds himself on the street (at this point, we can presume: homeless and hungry). And he catches the eye of gangsters. Perhaps it’s my fresh experience watching ‘Banana Fish’ speaking (definitely not, I've had this conviction basically since I saw 'bad things' mentioned), but I want to really ask you: what do you think gangsters are likely to do with a beautiful and vulnerable young boy, besides use him for petty crimes Zen admits on the screens above? What 'bad things' could he have been forced to do to survive?

This admission by Zen himself doesn’t help my train of thoughts at all:

Of course, this is said in the context of exploitation at work, but given the gangs and the ‘bad things’, one can’t help but draw a connection.

Besides, this is where that screen I told you to take note of comes into play. Zen says that after middle school, he understood what his parents were trying to protect him from, essentially what dangers being pretty entailed. It couldn’t have been the usual harassment that he had been facing since kindergarten, he would have understood that by then. Another interesting point is that for someone with a gangster past, Zen is suspiciously gender nonconforming in his looks, and mellow in general demeanour. Yes, he’s rough around the edges, he’s homophobic, misogynistic, and foul-mouthed, but he isn’t really violent. Someone who used to fit in with gangs, especially as a youth, I would think, looks and acts differently. And this all takes me to a very grim conclusion: I firmly don’t believe that a good-looking and vulnerable child with no support network and with a history of harassment survived in gangs without being molested or sexually exploited once.

But let’s not delve into my headcanons and continue with the facts we have. These bits and pieces that come together to form a picture of Zen’s teenage years already paint a pretty morbid picture. But he made it big, became an actor, and left it all behind, and he’s happy in the canon timeline, right? Right?!

Wrong.

The most obvious thing is the contents of Zen’s fridge, which Jaehee points out when she goes to see him.

It’s referenced many times in the game, Zen lightheartedly says he often skips meals and in general eats pretty badly, and I think even V refers to it. And it’s easy to chalk it up to his insane diets and the expectations of his body and looks that he has to maintain to stay in the industry. Or, if you are a little like me and like to assume the worst, you can also attribute it to Zen’s borderline self-harming workaholism. But I think there’s a little bit more to it, and the key to it is actually where Zen lives.

I remember being a little confused as to why everyone was surprised that Zen lived in a semi-basement.

But I didn’t give it much thought, after all, semi-basements seem to be cheaper here as well, and Zen’s flat looked pretty nice on CGs (if extremely beige). And it wasn’t until recently when I was talking to a colleague about his friend sharing her experience in Korea that I learned that semi-basements were actually a signature dwelling of the poorest, and seemingly a clearly understandable trope for a Korean. Those semi-basement apartments are often at risk of flooding, which is apparently a well-known fact, and also why they’re supposed to be banned as residential quarters. And, of course, Zen is quick to tell everyone he likes that place with poor ventilation and little sunlight, because it’s Zen, after all. He has that working class mentality because he’s cool, and he likes underground apartments and old tech.

But it seems that the picture of his present life is also pretty grim. Now, I’m not in South Korea, and I know little about how theatre actors are paid there, but I can tell you what I know from several actor/actress friends here in Ukraine: theatre actors aren’t, unfortunately, paid shit. Even the ones you recognise and talk about, working in cool popular theatres, drop over half of their salary to rent a shitty apartment, and are left wondering what they’re going to eat. So it seems pretty likely to me that Zen’s empty fridge, old computer and mp3 player, daily subway commute, and semi-basement apartment all point to one simple fact: he’s simply poor.

And to make it worse, he seems to be extremely lonely.

I’m pretty sure he also mentions isolating himself when he’s feeling bad, but I can’t seem to find screenshots for that anywhere.

All that said, when the fandom looks at Zen, they see a self-absorbed himbo, the ‘don’t kill yourself you so sexy aha’ type of guy. And he is, and I think he’s hilarious, and I’m the first one to laugh at him tbh. But when I look at him for a little longer than a second, I see a young man who has been harassed to hell and back starting as early as kindergarten, who never graduated from school, who ran away from home in his early teens, worked multiple jobs, and still had to resort to crime to make ends meet. I see a young man who was once a vulnerable teen at the mercy of gangsters, who had to learn that all help comes with strings attached. And I see a young man struggling silently with poverty while maintaining a facade of a glamorous and charming actor.

And I think the charming actor has fooled everyone.

[jwirecs]

RECOMMENDED BTS FICS OF NOVEMBER 2023💖

hello, hello! here are my bts recs of november! hopefully these beautiful stories get more recognition as well as the writers 💝

** anything in parentheses and bolded are my thoughts that can be disregarded if needed **

🔞smut || 💔angst || 💕fluff || ✅completed || 🔄ongoing || 💯favorite

Bad Boy || @i-am-baechu🔞💕💔✅💯💯💯

↳ Yoongi has been best friends with Namjoon since he was seven. He knew his little sister was always off limits but Yoongi never followed the rules. (we love it when siblings are supportive of them crushes. we gotta give respect to yoongi for not pursuing his crush to not risk his friendship with namjoon. but also props to namjoon for not getting pissed off when they finally got together though.)

Partner Privileges || @7ndipity💕✅💯

↳ (imma need me a man to give me partner privileges like this yoongi right here. like my man yoongi is a whole ass softie. i love it.)

Sharp Teeth || @dearly-somber💕💔🔄💯💯💯

↳ Jungkook—a love struck puppy pining for Y/N’s affection. Y/N—an obvious, hard-headed tsundere too thick to realize a shifter likes her. What could go wrong? (i have a HUUUUUUUUGE soft spot for fantasy fics (mainly werewolf fics and stuff, and i solely blame my 13 year old self watching twilight LOL). like if you are writing a werewofl/hybrid/shifter fic just know that is going to be automatically be in my reading list. when i came across this one, oh lord have mercy. read all of them in one sitting PLUS its still ongoing to. imma have a field day with this one i know it.)

Finding Your Boyfriend Sleeping In Your Hyperfeminine Pink Room || @rrjkive💕✅

↳ (theres no summary, but we just gotta love soft jungkook you know. like with the live of him just sleeping on live is freaking adorable and you can literally picture this big ass man with THAT HELLO KITTY THATS IN HIS LIVING ROOM and the man is just hugging that sht to death while sleeping.)

Five More Minutes || @7ndipity💕✅

↳ Anon Req: "Having to stand up in the morning with yoongi but not wanting to. cuddling and trying to stay in bed as long as possible instead" (i love soft yoongi, in this world, alternative world, ANY WORLD LIKE SOFT YOONGI IS SUPERIOR.)

Was It Better? || @gyukookswhore🔞✅

↳ Jungkook has been acting weird lately in bed, but your not complaining about it or are you ? (you know how it was literally no nut november for fics, well, lets just say that half of these fics on this list is literally smut. that says a lot. aka i clearly did not get the memo since i read mostly smut LOL. but this fic, is so detailed that i could read it again ngl.)

Wonderstruck || @jinkookspencil💕✅

↳ jungkook convinced his fearful girlfriend to try out a rollercoaster at the funfair… (honestly the ask that was sent to op was perfect. like stop this sht is fcking cute. got me giggling in bed kicking my feet and sht.)

Animal Farm || @joonberriess🔞✅

↳ (there was no summary, but holy jesus, this was literally a wild ride. like without reading the tags and tw, but the title alone, i thought this was going to be a lil cute fic about farming you know. BUT NO THIS WAS NOT ABOUT FARMING WHAT SO EVER BUT THIS WAS A WILD WILD RIDE. i say give it a read if you are like me who forgets to read the tags and tw (which is prob not a good thing) but its a suprise everytime i read something.)

Biker!Kook || @lustfuldevils💕✅💯

↳ (there was no summary exactly, but lets just say that im a sucker for biker!kook + reader. whether the reader is like innocent type or just a regular...person??? like personality wise you know. i dont know if that made any sense, but you know what im talking about..hopefully)

Every Little Thing || @7ndipity💔✅💯

↳ When you overhear Yoongi talking about how clingy you’ve been lately, you decide to take a step back from your friendship to give him space. But your sudden absence goes far from unnoticed by him. (i like to torture myself by reading angst that makes me feel sad and sht. honeslty love this one + im pretty sure theres like 3-4 fics from this op on this list. hi just wanted to say that i love your writing.)

Forest Bride || @flowerwrites06🔞💕💔✅💯💯💯

↳ The business transaction of a marriage between two previous warring clans takes an unexpected turn. (i love how yoongi automatically became protective over oc while she was slightly closed off due to their past experience. like all hail yoongi.)

Lost & Found || @theharrowing💕💔✅

↳ Taehyung just wants to be left alone. Too bad you need a place to stay. (i honestly love fics where its told from the members pov. like it gives us a chance to read about what they would do and say (even if its fiction you know) like it gives us a different pov then other fics where its mainly through a third-person pov or like the readers pov. love this)

My Alpha || @btsbrat🔞✅💯

↳ you discover that the soon to be alpha, Jungkook, is your destined mate. However, your story takes an unexpected turn when Jungkook rejects the mate bond. (i honestly thought that this fic wouldve been longer, you know just to prolong the rejection and what jk would do, but this pace is also good too. i hope that op makes a longer version where it involves like the in between you know! not that op has to make a longer ver, i also love this ver too!)

Of Storms and Vampires || @wishesunderthestars💕💔🔄💯

↳ During the worst storm you have witnessed in your life, a bat crashes on your window. When you bring it inside your cottage to take care of it, you realize it isn't simply a bat but a baby vampire. Your past has come back to haunt you because Jungkook's sire is no one else but Min Yoongi, who you had left behind when you disappeared five years ago. (this is still currently ongoing but i havent read many vampire!bts fics BUT lets just say, bats be cute and sht but deadly. cant wait to read the future chapters. also this is first chapter isnt rushed or anything so it def caught my reading eye for sure. went at a nice pace, not too fast, not too slow which i love)

Do check out all of the other BTS Fics that i have reblogged as well!!

** if there is any fics that you guys would like to recommend, please do! i am slowly running out of fics to read **

[mari-lair]

What got you into HanaKou? Any head canons? :3

Their early dynamic! Hanako being flirty and condescending is so good, and Kou acting super suspicious and confused, switching between "EVIL SPIRIT IS TRYING TO DECEIVE ME!!" and "...oh he knows a lot, he is helpful??" is charming.

Honestly, they are just plain fun.

I stayed in this ship for the soul-crushing implications as the manga went by but I do love their goofier dynamic just as much.

And I do have headcanon Anon! Strap in:

Hanako has mixed feelings about Kou growing up. He likes that he is alive and that he gets stronger with time, not experiencing the pain of being a ghost, but there is an unbalancing feeling that comes from watching the 'kid' grow up, slowly shaping into a new person, an adult, through the years while Hanako is forever 13. It is hard for him to adapt. He hopes to be exorcised before Kou is unrecognizable from the boy he decided to trust, he hopes to see Kou grow all the way into an old man. He mostly tries not to think about it.

Hanako said "I can't wait for you to exorcise me" when they met, but he didn't care all that much about who exorcised him at the time, he just thought it would be useful to have someone to get the job done on sight. Now it needs to be Kou, he really wants it to be him. He is full of self-hatred so he will accept if someone else kills him without fighting, but it won't be the same.

Hanako has internal homophobia since he experienced being alive in the 60s, but it's a strange, oddly 'passive' kind of homophobia. When he gets a crush in the young exorcist arc he does not register it as a crush, chalking it as part of the admiration/respect/trust package, which is a hard mix of feelings to process, considering how apathetic and isolated he has been in his afterlife. He is convinced this pull towards Kou is not that strange for friends and can think things like "If Kou was a girl, or I was a girl, it would be fun to seduce him~" without batting an eye. (I am still not over the genderbend Hanako chapter.)

Touch, and Quality Time, are Hanako's main love languages. Kou's are Acts of Service, and Words of Affirmation.

Hanako gets plenty of quality time and his touch is never rejected, so is hard to get insecure about Kou not liking him, he mostly gets emo about not deserving his love. Kou does not get many words of affirmation, the Mokke has heard more compliments about Kou from Hanako than Kou has, this can make him insecure and extremely confused about how Hanako sees him, or how trustworthy Hanako is, so he is rarely soft or vulnerable with Hanako.

Kou gets so surprised he either goes speechless or embarrassed when Hanako gives him sincere compliments without hiding behind his "I am such a mischievous and playful ghost! am I being honest or am I being condescending?~" attitude. (It's rare but it happens)

Kou bakes him donuts when Hanako is sad and the ghost bothers him when Kou is sad. Hanako is a bit weird when it comes to comforting others, if what makes the exorcist sad is directly his fault or he feels like it is his fault, the ghost grows very guilty and invested, if it's not his fault in any way, Hanako becomes somewhat detached, still worried but not obsessed over it: He will help, but his worry isn't visible, is easy to believe he doesn't care about the problem at all.

If Kou ever met Amane he will be '???' cause the idea of an alive Hanako does not compute. Amane will find him rude, but kind of funny.

[lyricsandwonder]

I found about it when it happened and I didn’t think to make a post about it, but in respect to my tweenage self I feel like I should.

For me personally, so far anyway, middle school were the worst years of my life. 10-13 year olds are literally the worst people and I truly believe that if you are ever a worse person than you were at 13, you need to deeply reassess your life. Between going through puberty, major bouts of depression, drifting away from my childhood and growing apart from the people who were a part of it, I was a damn wreck in middle school. My friends were fairly toxic(even if I didn’t realize it back then) and I was much lonelier than I even thought I was at the time. But I had one thing and that was being part of a fandom, specifically the one direction fandom.

If you were ever a part of that fandom, you know how toxic it could be, but there were good parts of it too. The fan fiction was my favorite part and my passion for reading and writing became even greater because of it. A sure fire way to distract me from my own self hatred was to log on to quotev and look up some stories about some boys I thought were cool.

As far as the music, I loved that too. Most of the songs weren’t that deep, but they didn’t have to be. They were fun and made me happy and I would dance around my bedroom and sing at the top of my lungs and I’m pretty sure that’s the happiest I ever was during that time period. The music made me feel alive when sometimes I didn’t really want to be.

Lastly, watching their interviews and music videos and video diaries led me down the path into various YouTube fandoms, some of which I’m still apart of to this day. I could talk forever about how I’ve grown and been kept sane by being a part of those fandoms, but the important part is that I wouldn’t have gotten there the same way if not for how obsessed I was with 1D.

All in all, those boys were my life. My every moment revolves around those five boys who were a few years older than me and I couldn’t be more grateful for it.

Was it healthy? Probably not. Was I still lonely and depressed with the self esteem of broken spoon? Absolutely. But I survived and while im still lonely, depressed, and often incredibly self deprecating, I’m getting better. Better than I’ve been for most of the last decade.

But for the time in my life that was worse than anything else - worse than my mother going to treatment for alcoholism, worse than drifting apart my best friend and another moving to another country, worse than going to college in a pandemic - I had one direction and its fandom to keep me going.

Liam, you were a great guy and while I never got to meet you, you helped me keep myself alive for a long time and for that I will always remember you fondly. Thank you for being part of what made me the person I am. You will be loved and missed and wherever your soul goes to rest, I hope it’s at peace.

May you be forever young❤️

[tunaababee]

gonna get really sappy and DEEPLY tmi/personal about twenty one pilots on main so im gonna put it under a cut. i am cringe but i am free and clancy tour coming up is giving me Feelings

i've been a top fan since 2016. i initially had some resistance to them bc it was when Stressed Out was at its peak and like, yall know how oversaturation goes. even if its good, its fucking annoying by proxy. all the 12/13 year olds at my high school were into it. i was turning 17. and it was a really fucking rough year.

i've been deep into homestuck since i was about 14/15, but by age 16 i had branched out into text-based rp and met a guy from italy who i kind of had a situationship with i guess?? at the time?? idk if that's what the kids call it. (whenever i describe how many relationships ive had, i count this one as a 0.5) anyways. it eventually got to a point where he was emotionally abusing me for a period of about four months. it was brief, but intense, especially since im a fucking lovesick lonely teen at this point who doesnt know any better. he lovebombs me, talks to me and acts like i am his girlfriend, gets jealous and shitty if i talk about other people, but then the moment he goes and does the same shit i get told i'm the reason he was depressed, im the reason for his problems, etc. until he calmed down and placated me and won me over again. over and over, regularly, for four months. it was a lot for my little developing brain to handle.

i know people have had it longer, have had it worse, but it really left a lasting impact. i was left with a litany of abandonment issues, and self-esteem and image that was already bad was buried dead in the fucking ground. i wanted to die every single fucking day for those four months. he even told me, as i began to question my sexuality properly, that i couldnt be bi 'because i liked him'.

but he LOVED twenty one pilots. would quote their shit regularly. wore the merch. all that stuff.

by 2016 i'd managed to see clearly enough and have enough support from friends that i felt comfortable cutting him and his circle off permanently. and it was fucking hard. i didn't have a lot of irl friends at the time and it felt like my only support network. after i finally left, i was desperate to feel some semblance of control, take something back, my own personal little 'fuck you' i could carry in my heart.

with all the hype around them, i gave top a try. slowly eased my way in. i knew i was hooked when i heard Holding On To You for the first time. it made me feel like i could take back that control and find a light at the end of the tunnel.

i consumed everything they had put out after that. i saw them live at emotional roadshow sydney 2017, i was turning 18. i made so many new friends. i felt such hope in my heart. i sobbed so fucking hard when they played HOTY. they weren't the only reason i made it through, itd be naive to contribute everything to them when i've done a lot of work and so have the people around me, but they were like a lifeline to hold on to when things were hard.

i went and saw them again in 2018 for the bandito tour. i made my own outfit and was surrounded by people who had done the same. i made more friends, had more adventures. i was dropping out of high school the year that Trench released due to having the worst mental health i'd had probably since my abuse and felt so lost but it helped me feel a little more stable and grounded. like that light was still there.

a lot has happened since. i'll be 25 when i go see them in November, once again at Qudos Bank Arena in sydney. i'm in a happy relationship with someone i love who respects me. i'm doing things that make me happy. i'm happy. i've felt and experienced and lived and loved and lost and done so so so much since i was a scared 16 year old hearing them for the first time. i've gotten piercings and tattoos, something i never thought i'd do, and put their work permanently on my body. i'm so proud every time i see my tattoo on my arm. i genuinely love and accept myself exactly as i am, which is something i NEVER thought i'd do.

having Clancy come out nine years to the day from blurryface, an album that has been so deeply important to me in a lot of ways, gets me real misty. this entire tour gets me so misty. i didn't think i'd live past 18 at BEST. but i'm here and i'm fucking happy.

genuinely cannot emphasise how much this album and this tour means to me. i plan on getting a Clancy tattoo once the album comes out and i've had some time to sit with it. it feels very full circle, i guess. hearing Next Semester has just had me thinking about this constantly and all weepy all the time haha. but a good weepy.

i cannot fucking wait to scream in a stadium full of people again in a way that heals my heart.

[captainlynxx]

Forever pissed off at my English teacher for asking to take my Gwen speech to read only to lose the papers and not even grade me

However I managed to dig up the speech I wrote on the importance of media diversity so for anyone interested and I’m currently working on a full essay about how Gwen was victimised by 2000s misogyny

In 2017, the popular sci-fi show Doctor Who changes its lead character’s actor from Peter Capaldi to Jodie Whittaker. I was 7 years old at the time and had been watching the show for practically my entire life so, with no idea who was taking over the role, I sat down when the episode aired on Christmas Day and watched. Seeing such a well known and well respected character that I’d loved and looked up to for as long as I could remember be played by a woman made me and many other girls realise that we could be the hero for once; we didn’t always need to be the one being saved. Diversity and representation in media are very commonly spoken about, and for good reason. Especially for the younger generation, seeing yourself accurately represented in media can mean so much. So why is this often talked about in such a negative light? In recent years, the world has become a much more progressive place, with more diversity, including in media. While media diversity has come a long way in recent years, it’s still got a long way to go, because why did it take until 2017 for the Doctor to be played by a woman? Why did it take until 2023 for the role to be played by a person of colour? What are the issues that exist within media diversity and how can we solve them?

Look at the cast list of any popular movie or tv show and you’ll most likely find a female character in a main or supporting role. The problem with female representation isn’t about a lack of representation but the fact that women serve to please the men both in the piece of media and the audience. An example of this is Natasha Romanoff, aka Black Widow, and her outfit designs from her first and second MCU appearances in “Iron Man 2”and “The Avengers”. In both movies, Natasha wears tight, revealing suits with little practically compared to her male counterparts and their fully armoured suits. Her suits were designed with one thought in mind and that was how it could appeal to the predominantly male audience of these movies. This is an unfortunately common reality in cinema, with girls from ages 13-20 being —.-% more likely to be in “sexy” clothing and —.-% more likely for ages 21-39. This is in no way good representation, creating unrealistic beauty standards and expectations that can greatly impact the self esteem of the young girls who view this media.

So what are other diversity issues? Well, in the entertainment industry, when including a character who’s LGBTQ+, POC, disabled etc, they are often reserved for the “best friend trope” in a similar way that women are often portrayed as the love interest instead of being the main character. The best friend trope is often a character who serves to be the comic relief and is often pushed to the side. An example of this is Wallace Wells from the Scott Pilgrim series. Wallace is Scott’s room mate and best friend who also happens to be gay. While he is a better representation of a gay character, he still falls into common stereotypes for gay characters and many key factors of the best friend trope. Most of his lines whether it be in the comics, movie or show are jokes. He adds humour to scenes and not much plot progression (except for in the show which greatly improved upon this). These tropes aren’t exclusive to the LGBTQ community and most minorities have some sort of harmful and stereotypical trope attached to them in media.

What can we do about this? We need to create more original stories for underrepresented groups without just planting them into existing ones. Some popular pieces of media that do this well are heartstopper, the henna wars and young royals. These all have diversity when it comes to race, sexuality and gender placed at the forefront. There also needs to be more stories written where these groups are represented in the background, where it’s incorporated without being the plot. Examples of this that already exist are dead boy detectives, torchwood and the umbrella academy. These all have lots of diversity while avoiding falling into a lot of stereotypes and without it being at the forefront of these characters stories, instead being shown as just part of their daily lives.

We need to make media more diverse so maybe more kids can grow up seeing themselves in their favourite characters, and will be inspired to be the heroes in their stories.

[thechurchofsplatterdaysaints]

Everything you need to know about Out for Justice you learn before the title card. Gino Felino & his partner Bobby Lupo (yes, I'm serious) are waiting for a multi-million dollar drug deal to go down w/ the whole department on standby.

The over-Brooklyn-ing is immediate and stings and doesn't let up for the entire run time. Buckle up, baby.

Kelly Jo Minter (every 80s movie) plays a pregnant whore getting a beat-down from her foul-mouthed pimp. Do you think Gino can sit idly by & watch? Hell no! Big Daddy Fuck Pants has to serve up a spoonful of justice so he can continue to peacock around this scuzzy little turd with the appropriate level of dick chub.

“This motherfucker hit me & I'm scared I'm gonna lose my baby!”

Gino quickly dispatches some fists and slams the pimp through the windshield but not before they use the exact same sample of said pimp yelling “Yaaaaah” @ 3:17 & 3:25 respectively. You have to be some kinda next-level nihilist to do that shit. That sample has plagued me for 30 years. Fuck all 13 sound editors & mixers on this thing.

Despite my bitching this really is a great introduction to Gino and his special blend of macho horseshit.

And frankly, once you realize that no one cares and this whole God damned thing is serving Seagal's mammoth ego the only thing you can do is go along for the ride. Lean into the bullshit and enjoy because the man made one really good movie and this is it.

“Gimme an umarked and a shotgun.”

William Forsythe annihilates the gd screen as the crack smoking, meaner-than-piss antagonist who blows Bobby Lupo away for fucking his girlfriend. (Julie Strain, bitch Goddess I love you and miss you) Richie is a fucking death machine running to meet his maker and Forsythe outshines by a mile. (they edited more Forsythe out because Seagal = big baby bitch-tits)

Richie comes heavy. Richie don't play.

“You wanna fuck?”

Gino spends the rest of the movie hunting Richie down to avenge his partner's death and he has to butt heads with the mob on more than one occasion. But of course he's friends w/ the mob too, because everyone wants a piece of Gino's delicious cake. (my eyes cannot roll hard enough) Finook, gabagool, old mother dressed in black, grazie, scusi, et Spiritus Sancti, fughettaboutit.

“Cause he's a chickenshit fuckin pussy asshole.”

Seagal said the bar fight where he smashes everyone's face with a cue ball is his favorite fight scene and you can see why. The place is brimming with beefy thugs oozing criminality: we've got self-titled “Tattoo” representing Attica, master stick fighter “Sticks” (Dan Inosanto, who taught Bruce Lee nunchaku and was one of the 3 people permitted by Lee to teach Jeet Kune Do), boxing bartender to the stars Nick Dimitri (long established stuntman/actor you may recognize as the angry meth trucker from Stone Cold but check him out in Hard Times w/ Bronson mf throws down!) and last but certainly not least is Gianni Russo as made man “Sammy.” (Remember Connie's piece of shit husband in The Godfather who helped set up Sonny to get hit?)

“Anybody know why Richie did Bobby Lupo?”

Gino's bloated sense of self is on full display as always. He's waxing philosophic w/ mob guys about how “You gotta admit, God's got a strange sense of humor” which is exactly the kind of cracker jack bullshit that comes from a lifetime of never once having an original thought. Ugh. I hate that I love this movie.

"I like pain, you know." (*kiss* I love you, Richie)

The casting for this is off the charts. Jerry Orbach as the grizzled Lieutenant who understands comeuppance in a way that only men can, Gina Gershon as Richie's lippy sister, Dominic Chianese as Richie's immigrant daddy, Julianna Margulies in her breakout role as Richie's trapped and unwilling playmate. Loads of great character actors fill this thing out like one of those real nice 'Tits in Tops' pics. Kane Hodder worked with Seagal on 3 films as a stuntman and he's listed as “henchman at party” although I've yet to notice him in all my viewings. And I can't forget to mention my favorite stuntman/actor of all time Carl Ciarfalio who plays Paulie aka Is this a meat cleaver in my hand or are you just happy to see me? (Tony Doggs in Casino + 4000 other things)

Seagal is now a well-established piece of shit but it was always right there in front of us. The scene where he holds court with his wife is fucking painful. He sits high above her, she on the floor at his feet looking up at his big meaty gob as he spins this saccharine tale about some gd neighborhood man being ground down by life and dying of a broken heart.

She looks at him tenderly “It was your father, wasn't it?”

What in the actual fuck? They're married and she never knew his backstory? She let him blow his balls in her, she bore him some dimwitted little dago dipshit and she never even knew what her father in law did for a living? She never understood Gino's private pain? Who are these people? Mama mia!

The version I've been watching most of my life no longer exists if you upgrade to the blu. The movie famously used to showcase some real hack editing but it's been streamlined nicely. They also restored the John Leguizamo scene where Richie steals his drugs and shoots him in an alley.

There's some other business: a puppy named "Courage", 4000 squibs, bouncing boobs, a huge narcoleptic wiseguy, more shitty Italian stereotypes PLUS they hang out in L'Amour so if any of you Type O Negative fans wanna know what Pete was talking about in “Unsuccessfully Coping w/ the Natural Beauty of Infidelity” you've got front row seats.

This movie is 1991. If you lived it, it's fun to go back. If you didn't, take it with a grain of salt and enjoy the ride. It's hard to justify watching any of his "work" these days but he had about 10 minutes before he totally shit the bed. Essential viewing.

@watching-pictures-move & I decided to tackle this shit fest and as always he manages to be the classy one. You can read his thoughts on the movie here We considered ripping Fire Down Below a new asshole but Seagal already has more attention than he deserves. This was a fun experiment but I think if we do this again we might stick to the sleazy, obscure stuff cause that's more our wheelhouse.

[crotchety-old-emu]

20 questions For Fic Writers

thank you so much for taggin me, @colettebronte

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

All of six (although some unfinished) fics. However, I have written about fifty all in all, most of them are just up on my old livejournal. I haven't posted them on AO3 because no one would read them anyway.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

159 307 words.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently Brigderton. And I have this Stucky WIP that I really do still intend on finishing. Other than that, I have written quite a bit for Doctor Who, Torchwood, SPN RPF and of course, Harry Potter (Remus/Sirius forever).

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

our love is these days' piano (penthony)

R&R (rose/doctor)

(and in between i drink) black coffee (spn rpf)

be kind, unwind (spn rpf)

water out of wine (the aforementioned stucky wip)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I used to reply to every comment, back on LJ and on AO3 as well, but I was not prepared for the amount of comments I got for OLITDP. I couldn't keep up and ran out of new ways to say "thank you so much <3" so I haven't replied to any in a while. But every comment I get on the final chapter will definitely get a response.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

None that are on AO3. Life is stressful enough as it is, I just want my blorbos to be happy. Some of my earlier HP-fics were kind of angsty, mostly because I didn't quite do AU's yet. So there were lots of sad character moments for Remus and Sirius.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Pretty much all of them? Back when I started writing fics, I wrote a few with sad endings, but now I'll keep it ambiguous at the very least.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

One person commented on the first chapter of OLITDP that I should "be more obvious with self inserting and write OC/Anthony." Does that count?

I found it hilarious because a) I don't see how there's anything wrong with writing OC's and b) I genuinely was not self inserting.

But other than that, no. I haven't nearly gained enough traction to get hate.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I (anonymously!) wrote one smutty fic once and I still feel uncomfortable about it. As far as writing is concerned, it's just not my cup of tea. So much respect to the people who do, though.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Alas, no crossovers. If I ever think of a good idea for one, I would love to try my hand at it, though.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. Again, I'm not even close to well known enough to have something like that happen.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

See above.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! I co-wrote a Remus/Sirius-fic with one of my LJ-besties at the time. I also started writing a fic with another LJ-friend that basically was Hogwarts: the Marauders Years. From what I remember, it was quite good, but it never got posted, I think.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I can't possibly. I can tell you for each fandom, but I could never choose just one. I could perhaps narrow it down to Remus/Sirius and Stucky. And Ten/Rose. And Jack/Ianto. And J2. And Penthony.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The Stucky WIP, without a doubt. It's possibly some of the best writing I've ever done. I think.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm definitely not saying I always hit the mark, but I do feel that whenever I've written something I'm kind of proud of, it's usually to do with explaining someone's feelings without outright stating them.

I like delving into the psychology of emotionally stunted characters and trying to convey exactly how ignorant they are about their (and others') feelings. And I think I'm usually best at that when I write dialogue.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

DESCRIPTIONS. I HATE THEM. THEY ARE THE WORST. If I get stuck on writing a chapter it is always, 100% that which I get stuck on.

Like for OLITDP, 65% of the coming chapters has been written, all through dialogue. Getting from one spoken line to the next, however, is THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've written a few school plays, which have been in my native tongue (Dutch) and that's okay. But it would feel weird writing dialogue in a language which is not part of the fandom. Maybe I could squeeze in a few lines of badly written French if the plot really called for it, I guess?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter, which was my main and only fandom for about 10 years.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Maybe my Stucky WIP? There's some bits in there that are quite good.

I'm also quite proud of Be Kind, Unwind (my first J2 AU and first and only finished Big Bang) and Cut Here (a J2 version of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind).

Honourable mention to Midnight, which is a (partial and unposted) rewrite of a Harry Potter-fic I started writing almost 20 years ago. Not necessarily because it's particularly well-written, but I did enjoy taking some of my older work and rewriting it in my current style. It's kind of neat to see how my writing's evolved.

If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading my silly rants on my silly writing.

Tagging @writingwhilecaffeinated, @doom-cookie1, @princessgotham21 and @queen-of-the-wallflowers15 and everyone who feels like doing it!

[cruciferous-spatula]

the Sims tag!

I was tagged to do this by @pixelatedpanic, thank you for tagging me!

what’s your favorite sims death? I'm gonna go with disease. I like that horribly hilarious coughing and how it spreads to everyone. Fire and hunger are good too, but one is too noisy and destructive and the other one just takes too bloody long :D

Alpha CC or Maxis Match? Maxis Match, though I wouldn't say I'm a purist.

Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? No. Why would I? If anything I wish there was more body diversity in the game (ts2) as even the 'fat' state looks pretty slim to me.

Do you use move objects? Yes, every time lol.

Favorite mod? ACR - I use this tweaked version by @episims and am very happy with it although it torments me to no end as my sims will not behave

First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? It was The Sims: House Party. I think I was eight. I returned it because I learned that I needed the base game to run it, and my allowance couldn't get me both. But I was able to exchange it for The Sims: Deluxe Edition which was awesome.

Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? Live as in give, mostly

Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? It's a toss-up between Marama Tuatahi and Maitea Lehenik for me, they had so much character. If I have to choose one I'll go with Maitea because I loved playing her as a hot widow that all the men in town heart-farted over, and her particular style was unique in my little world so far.

Have you made a simself? Yeah, probably a dozen times, in recent memory mostly to test the ts3 and ts4 sim creators. My first sim-self I made as a 13-year old. I made myself as a teenager, my younger sibling as a child and our parents, and I picked romance aspiration for myself, not knowing then what that meant as far as gameplay was concerned. I grew up to marry Darren Dreamer and had an identity crisis when I got a bad memory out of it.

What sims traits do you give yourself? Brooding, Couch potato, Shy, Vegetarian, Frugal

Which is your favorite EA hair color? Uh... Red? Are we talking ts4 colors because I don't mess with that

Favorite EA hair? The store hair that's like a bowl cut

Favorite life stage? Teenagers :D all the drama, none of the boring responsibilities

Are you a builder or are you in it for the game play? In it for the gameplay. I like building but it's always with play in mind :)

Are you a CC creator? No(t yet)

Do you have any simblr friends/a sims squad? No, I don't really know what a sims squad is. I have a friend I used to play sims with, but no one I know irl knows my simblr and I like that.

What’s your favorite game (1,2,3,4)? sims 2 for definite. I've dabbled in ts3 and have a grudging respect for it, 4 not so much, and 2 definitely feels like an upgrade from 1 to me.

Do you have any sims merch? No.

Do you have a youtube for sims? No.

How has your “sims style” changed throughout your years of playing? At first, starting at Christmas 2004, I only wanted to play Veronaville because it was pretty. I later played some in Pleasantview to make my sim self and realize I'm not really a romance sim. Then I would build random half-decent custom worlds for years, gradually discovering cc and sims blogs, and through the latter get inspired to play the premades exclusively for yet more years, experimenting with megahoods and uberhoods. And now I'm all about the test of time challenge, and we'll see how long I'll be able to stick with it.

What’s your origin ID? uhm, it's either Jo137P or abosmalbysom, I haven't used origin in ages

Who’s your favorite cc creator? @sunmoon-starfactory, all their sets are what's keeping this very restrictive challenge stage the most fun rn

How long have you had a simblr? I started this one in June last year, so a little over a year, but then it took me about six months to actually start posting so lets call it even and say 9 months :P

How do you edit your pictures? Just cropping mostly. I'm dabbling in light exposure because some of my screenshots get hella dark

What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? You know, I just wish they'd kept making expansions for The Sims Medieval. Like you could have a variety pack where you could choose a different map layout, different styles for the different buildings (yes EA, with different facades and floorplans too!) maybe an expansion that let you actually go to The Village and like Tredony and stuff on diplomatic or trade missions and actually see different people and different worlds

Phew! This was a reminiscence. I'm gonna tag @clouseplayssims, @squeezleprime and @cobycobsy2k. Sorry if y'all got tagged or did it already! Have a good one!

[wisepidgeon]

the power of being honest to your self

its a hard thing to realize youve been lying to your self for any amount of time imagine my suprize when i realized ive been lying to everyone about everything since i was 13 or maybe even younger

telling the truth always felt scary in a strange way like someone was gonna see the truth and steal my soul with it /jk

but in all reality lying to yourself as away to protect yourself is a thing i think many more people do then people have ever acknowledged and i think that its an easy way to feel safe but take it from me someone who hadnt told anyone a single truth in over 10 years with out knowing that i know it can be hard to be honest with your self it means you have to face all the shit youve kept locked deep inside you heart or soul or core whatever you wanna call it you do you but all that gunk is fucking with your quality of life and i think it was a truly life changing experience now granted old habbits die hard but i know i can do it and you can do it too just remember everything in life taste sweeter when your mouth isnt full of shit

now im gonna go on and say ive been a real bad person for a long time i just got done talking to my ex about all the things thats i feel for her and the ways i wanna change and show my love for her and she said the thing i think i feared the most that there was no shot and i should give up on looking at her like that and i will but damn doesnt that hurt i get it tho i did ruin your life in many ways and im sorry but that fix it will it red (i know youll see this so hi) but i think i needed to be told that and when i was told that i think i would have chased her until the end of time and been miserable that entire time but now ive got closure and i know i can move on with pride and confadance knowing i gave it my all and ive still got a friend in her she was my everything and how she is a damn good friend who i do trust even tho she hurt me she was honest and its not from a point of malace its from a point of care like she knows i would follow her like a lost puppy until the edge of the world (im not a flat earther dont you fuckers dare) its just that she had enough respect for me to tell me how it was so that i could try to move on and with that i was able to start on that and i think thats for the best

some times getting hurt is exactly what you need to heal fucked up right well so is everything else i dont know if i should call you guys who follow me babes or fuckers

i see a really bad joke there but let me know what yall think

fuckin babys

love you all xoxo stay safe and vibe hard life fast and die old and gray

[lunaxriax]

Odds for Jinae?

-🦋

distract me pls

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?

Nope. I do have a little crush on someone, though.

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

Kitty

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?

Yes.

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

Yes, I have.

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?

Mine, a friend's and that's it.

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

I don't really plan things and just see how things go? Because I hate planning things and they don't go the way they should.

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?

Neither? I'm not really a dog person.

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

Zoo!

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

My first phone contact is my brother, so very long.

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

I think I'd rather be set on fire.

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

I don't know. I don't really have too many good thoughts and memories about marriage.

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

Right now, none.

25: What’s on your mind?

I want to go swimming!

27: What is your favorite color?

Any pastel color.

29: Who are you texting?

Right now, no one.

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

Plenty of times.

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

I don't think so.

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

I'd feel a little hurt about it but I wouldn't mention it because I'm not dating that person so it doesn't matter.

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?

Yes, I am.

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?

I don't think so.

41: Where’s your last bruise located?

On my knee.

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

I have those thoughts occasionally. Only because I'm used to moving around and never staying in a place for too long.

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

All of my shoes are favourites! I have a shoe obsession, honestly.

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

Oh gosh, that would be a funny look, don't you think?

49: Does your bedroom have a door?

Yes.

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?

A couple of my friends do, I don't know why. Shopping is fun!

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?

Not really. I'm used to people leaving, so I learned to live with it.

55: How is your hair?

In desperate need of a trim and maybe some deep conditioning

57: Do you think two people can last forever?

When I was younger I was convinced of that but as I got older, I started hoping for it more rather than believing it.

59: Green or purple grapes?

Both!

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

I wish I was at a nice beach with a cocktail.

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?

I have no idea.

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

Yes.. unfortunately

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

No, I haven't.

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

A lot of times, yes.

71: How many fingers do you have?

10

73: How old will you be in 5 months?

Still 26

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

They tried to kill me, so that was dealbreaker!

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

A few.

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?

No.

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?

One.

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

I don't know. Maybe

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?

Yes, I would care. Because I can understand it.

87: Who was your last received call from?

A co-worker

89: What is something you wish you had more of?

Self respect.

91: Do you sleep with your window open?

Yes. It's nice.

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

Maybe. I have lots of secrets, but I'm not sure if people need to know about any of it.

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

Nope, no problem at all.

97: Did you sleep alone this week?

I have.

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?

No, I don't.

[breitweisergallery]

For the ask game (gonna do a little bit of everything):

Personal: 1, 11, 13, 26, 30, 39, 63, 69 (cuz why not?)

Favorites: 72, 83, 85

Family, childhood and places: 101, 102, 105

Friends: 108, 109, 111

Relationships: 127, 129, 149, 153

Music, movies and books: 181, 182, 188, 190

Situations and crazy things: 195, 208, 213

Opinions and beliefs: 219

Feelings and Others: 230, 234, 264, 265

Go nuts!!

Answers below!

1 - How are you? Altogether, I'm doing alright. Today was a very stressful and exhausting day, but I made it through and now I get some time to just relax. 11 - Have you ever dyed your hair? Oh my god, yeah. Until very recently my hair had been consistently dyed since I was about twelve years old. The last time I shaved my head, I decided to let it grow in the way it naturally is (auburn in color) 13 - If you could change your eye color, would you? I wouldn't! I have green eyes and it's one of my favorite things about myself. 26 - Something you are working on right now: Honestly? Taking time for myself and just existing in my body in the present. 30 - What do you think you’re really good at? Writing ^^ 39 - Do you sleep with a stuffed toy? I do! He's a stuffed tiger from Build-A-Bear. 63 - A quote you try to live by: Be Kind. Do good. 69 - Leave me a compliment: I don't want to sound shallow but you're??? really freaking pretty Sass. No kidding, I always get excited when you post a pic because you've got killer makeup and fashion.

72 - What’s your favorite band/singer? Right now, I've been really revisiting my love for Steven Suptic's voice via his music under the SUGR? name. 83 - What is your favorite flower? Daisies~ 85 - What is your favorite season? Autumn!

101 - Where would you like to live? I would honestly love to either be back in the northeast (Boston I miss u) or in the PNW. I have family in Idaho so Washington state would be great (relatively close by but not in Idaho) 102 - What would your dream house be like? This always confuses people, but I actually don't ever want to own a house! I'll be content to rent for the rest of my life. There's something so reassuring to me about the possibility of picking up roots and moving when I want to. 105 - Top three places to visit: I have no idea. I'm so used to road trips with my family that I don't have a list of places I'd love to visit, nor do I have a list that I enjoyed visiting all that much. Always museums though.

108 - Who is someone you never tire of? My darling best friend Kay. 109 - Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? Nope o.o 111 - Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? Kay, for sure.

127 - What is the first thing you noticed in someone? Fashion sense. 129 - What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? Hand size 149 - Say five ways to win your heart: parallel play, watching shows with me, check-ins, respecting boundaries, words of encouragement for literally anything 153 - What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? A guy I knew my senior year of high school realized I never had any food and started bringing me lunch every day because he liked cooking and cooked meals for his family every night.

181 - How often do you listen to music? More than I don't listen to music. 182 - What kind of music you like? It's all over the place. I listen to a lot of kpop (2nd-4th gen), I listen to stuff from the emo/pop punk 00s vibes, I listen to some general indie singer-songwriter stuff, I listen to Broadway. 188 - Put your music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play: Shake It Up - Super Junior, U - Super Junior, Gold Dust - Changmin, Beautiful Monster - STAYC, Fallin' Down - DinDin, These Drugs - Sugar Pine 7, Outlaws of Love - Adam Lambert, If the World Only Knew- Joshua Colley, Don't Let Me Know - Smash Cast, Eat Your Young - Hozier 190 - Describe your dream library: Natural lighting, not overwhelming in its presence, little nooks to curl up in and read, options for paper, audio or kindle

195 - If you could be any character, from any literary work, who would you choose to be? There's this book I read when I was a kid called the Westing Game. Turtle has always had a soft spot in my heart. 208 - 5 things within touching distance: My pillow (zebra-striped pillowcase), my switch (lite, salmon colored), my stuffed animal (tiger, Hobi, he/him), my Kugrash plush in my window, my phone 213 - If you met me what would you do? ask for permission to give you a hug!

219 - Do you consider yourself lucky? What’s your good luck charm? I don't! I actually consider myself to be unlucky most of the time ehehehe

230 - Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early? It depends on what the thing is, but I'm actually generally a 'get things done early' type. 234 - Something that you’re proud of: I'm published!! 264 - One thing you’re excited for: My brother and I just got approved for an apartment together and I'm excited to move in with him. 265 - Describe the most terrifying/strangest/beautiful dream you’ve ever had: We had to keep dream journals in one of my fiction classes, so I can actually copy directly from when I had it the first time- "

I’m aware it’s a dream, and that my actions have control over everything else. In some ways, this godly power gives me anxiety; what if I fuck up? What if I hurt someone in my dreams? Will I hurt them in real life? Will they know? 

I stand in a theater, an auditorium, and I look out at the rising seats. Red in color, dark red, bathed in darkness. Outside, somewhere, sirens wail, ascending and descending, growing closer and further, as though the concept of distance doesn’t truly exist. Like they’re driving in circles. Or rather, like the sirens are moving in circles without them; I don’t hear engines. 

I hear birds chirping and whales singing and I can feel their loneliness in my bones, itching, crawling on my skin, and rolling around in my skull, bouncing like a DVD logo. Their loneliness echoes my own isolation in this theater, putting on a show for patrons I cannot see, with a script I do not know. The papers in my hand, appearing as I look, are blank; I need to write my own show on the spot, but if I do not entertain then it will be my own downfall, embarrassment and shame, that are the entertainment for the cruel patrons playing the game."

[tinyangryflower]

Thank you for correcting me! I must need to do more research. I have been doing research on her, but I've misinterpreted the information, I guess. A lot of people referred to her as a she and have said she was a trans woman a lot of the time, so I misinterpreted it.

I shouldn't have brought someone I still need to do more research on into the conversation. I'm really sorry for that!

Instead of citing Marsha, I will cite myself. I am a trans male, so while I cannot speak for trans women, I can speak for the trans cause.

My argument with you & people with your stance is that you seem to try to assert some expertise over people with our lives, and it's. . . well, really rather arrogant. You can list everything you've got to back your opinions up but it won't change the fact that it's an opinion.

The facts you get are from people who know just as much about us as you do and people who do not make up the whole of us. An experience, however different it may be from mine, is still valid and the person with it is allowed to open up about it. It's beyond horrible that some of the trans community demonstrates the same prejudice that they claim to hate.

But again, they do not describe all of us.

There are those of us who don't advocate for hate or disgusting behavior. Many, actually. There are also those of us who are the way we are for a reason.

Whatever it is in your mind does not matter because you are not trans—even if you supported the trans community, you would not fully understand it.

Is that an excuse for people to say whatever nonsense they feel like?

No; but you can become blinded to any positivity we promote if you become accustomed to seeking the negativity. You don't just call out negativity in the trans community. You only call out the negativity and make negative judgements based off of your negative opinions. Based off of what you believe, what you have seen.

I was dumb to argue when I mentioned Marsha P. Johnson. I need to do more research next time I cite someone, even if I think I know what I'm talking about. Mind you, I'm sure, to you, it must sound completely ironic.

But my stance is—stop acting like you understand exactly what is going on in our minds, nor anything of what we may think because you have no firsthand experience to talk about who we are nor the open–mindedness to talk of us impartially.

You can make a list of the bad trans people, but there will always be good trans people, there will always be more to our community than you would be willing to see.

Now, I'm not acting as though I'm keeping some sort of secret from you because I don't have anything to back it up. I can speak, as a good ( I do try my best to be good to people, I'm sorry I was so rude to you to begin with ), decently–knowledgeable trans person, who knows good, knowledgeable trans people.

You are judging lives you would not understand enough to arrive at enough logic to label, debunk, or explain them.

You're talking about an experience I could never understand, but for years I've identified myself as trans (or at least gender fluid), when I was 14/16, and used he/him pronouns. I wanted to be a man, I covered my breasted and wore masculine clothes. I tried even to walk like a man. It felt right to me to use different pronouns but then I changed, because that's what happens during adolescence. If you look up (I studied psychology and pedagogy at school) adolescence is a period of changes, and a 17 years old teenager is different than his/her 16 years old self. Just by one year everything changes. And that's what happened to me, I grew up and I changed.

I know a lot of trans people, one is even a close friend of mine, and in my city there was a big friends group with all trans people. After a year or two (they were like 13-16 years old) a few of them call themselves "trans".

And I want to be clear, I respect people because it's not in my character to hate, but when I say "a trans woman is not a woman" and other people say "no, it's a real woman", it makes me angry. Because we're talking of common biology that is taught in schools.

For example: Blair White is a person I respect. She (wow I'm respecting her pronouns) is a transwoman and knows she will never be a real woman, just because of biology. In fact, Blair stated that doesn't want any bottom surgery because it has many risks. And from what I've learned, that's true. But I respect Blair, a transwoman, that says what is true. Because not a lot of people (like politicians) have the guts to say that a transwoman is just a man. And I know not all trans people are bad people, but why the majority of them hate detransitioners? Why the majority of them doesn't care about women voices, about women being not comfortable sharing a locker room or a bathroom with a biological male?

So, why transwomen talk about being women even if they're men?? They shouldn't talk about it, even calling themselves woman, because they don't know what it's like to be a woman. They never grew up being one.

Us radfems rely a lot on biology when we talk about transpeople, because we can't ignore it, especially when men play sports against women and they win, or when men are being put in prisons with woman and rape them, or when in other occasions society tries to be inclusive and put men in women category and gives all the recognition to men. But that doesn't happen with men, because I never saw a transman win against a biological man in a race or in a box fight. Transpeople should have, at this point, their own categories because it's unfair for woman to compete against man that are biologically stronger than us.

(It's good to have those interactions, sorry for eventual mistakes but English is my second language and sometimes I might sound angry but that's how I normally talk)

[mulderscully]

*disclaimer: i wrote this based on the leaks and am publishing it after the episode airs because i have been dying to talk about it. some stuff could have been lost or confused in translation.

something to be said about nandor confusing guillermo's boyfriend as his best friend and being jealous of that because we know nandor sees guillermo as his best friend, then him deciding he needs to turn marwa into freddie in order to be happy. maybe because he sees that guillermo was happy and thought if he duplicated it it would make him happy too, without fully grasping how many boundaries he has crossed. he has so much love for guillermo and he genuinely has no idea how to deal with it or where to place it.

he puts marwa/freddie on the trip to see the world, which was what he wanted, and what he wanted with guillermo and it's so clear how badly what he lost in that trip haunts him and i think he doesn't understand why it didn't affect guillermo the same way. why guillermo was able to find happiness with someone else while he just became more miserable. him being so emotional sending marwa/freddie away is really interesting because we know he and marwa did not have any real connection, he did not care about her. he also did not know freddie. that emotion is about nandor and his continued sense of emptiness and longing for something he cannot allow himself to admit, which is how bad he wanted that trip with guillermo and wants guillermo in general. he can't have guillermo because he can't admit this, so he wants the person closest to guillermo. he wants guillermo all for himself, but he cannot verbalize that because that means actually understanding himself and being vulnerable - and in his actions to avoid his feelings he keeps pushing guillermo further away.

i think guillermo still loves nandor, he has loved him almost half his life and that doesn't just go away - but i think that this season at the beginning was about starting to truly break the familiar/master relationship and have them be friends and equals, but as the season went on they fell back into old habits and there needed to be this final straw to make guillermo be fully fed up and set up for season five, where i am guessing nandor will actually have to do a shitton of self reflection and growth and groveling. i kinda expected that to happen this season, but it is hard to fit that into 10 23 min long episodes.

what's interesting is that, i don't feel like guillermo is distraught at losing freddie per se, he barely mentiond him all season, but more upset that nandor still doesn't respect him the way he should and that has led to the end of the one thing in 13 years that was 100% his. but i feel like guillermo's true feelings are hard gage for me because they've really had him be distant with his emotions in terms of like.... everything.

but i think it all just comes down to nandor thinking he is showing guillermo love by NOT turning him because he thinks being a vampire is a curse and guillermo thinking nandor doesn't love or respect him because he won't turn him yet still wants to keep him all to himself, not understanding that nandor feels like if he turns guillermo then guillermo will leave for good because he got all he wanted from nandor.

i don't know really think nandor's actions this season are excusable per se, esp this episide, but i do think they are understandable. not only is nandor a vampire, he is also stupid (canon) and he is also deeply mentally ill. he has made a lot of progress but the fact that he has all these hidden desires and this quest for perfection that he thinks he can reach with wishes and magic, make him backslide and hurt the one he loves most. and he is going to have to face true accountability for everything that has happened this season, which i look forward to.

i do have a very, very icky feeling about what they did to marwa. from making her a shell of a person who just likes what nandor likes to LITERALLY turning her into a white man. i always kinda thought she and freddie would run off together and fall in love, because it feels kinda fitting for nandor and guillermo's false romantic leads, but not like this.

i am giving this "ending" for her the benefit of the doubt because i don't think it's over. nandor still has two wishes and i am pretty confident marwa and freddie will return in s5. i get the sense that the s3 finale will have consequences for the rest of the show and the trip that nandermo had stolen from them will continue to plague them and their relationship as well as everyone who their relationship impacts for a while.

i understand being angry at nandor, but i genuinely find him so interesting because while he has done a lot of morally horrible things i do NOT think he had any malicious intent and i don't think he wanted to hurt anyone- but he has and he is gonna have to cope with that. he isn't beyond redemption (if you wanna think of it like that) or past winning guillermo back but i think he is gonna have a real wake up call to how selfish and hurtful he has been before any of that can happen.

[manthrochap-blog]

well well well. look who finally figured out what email he used for his old blog....

so, hi. the last post on this blog was from december 2016, so... i’d expect most of my followers are inactive and the few people i follow who are still active probably unfollowed ages ago, unless they never cleared out their accounts... but i thought i’d make a little post here as a sort of update and finally offer a means of contact

so. i’m freshly 23 years old now (jesus CHRIST). i’m not using this blog anymore, so i won’t be updating my bio/about/whatever to reflect that, but i’ll note i exclusively use he/him now. while homestuck is still constantly in my periphery (more literal than that sentence should be, there’s a dave strider vinyl figure in a bin almost within eyesight of my desk chair...) i haven’t really engaged with it in... years... other than a recent look at its unfinished japanese translation, seeing as i started learning the language a few years ago and got curious. i still stan aradia hardcore, btw, nothing in life will Ever change that

as you can probably (hopefully) predict from the fact that i was 17 when i last used this blog (and 13-16 when i used it actively) and i am now 23, this blog, uh... would not be a great reference point for determining what kind of person i am now. i won’t write it off as completely detached from my present identity, and i’m not saying this because there’s some sort of “dirt” you could dig up from looking through my posts (there... really isn’t, just a whole lot of cringe), i’d just like to make it clear that judging the present me by whatever the hell was wrong with me when i was a teenager would leave you with a lot of inaccuracies about me. being a teenager sucks and you’ve got way more things wrong with you mentally than any other stage of your life and i’m happy to report many of those things wrong with me have resolved themselves with time, but also, the cringe. the cringe. my god the cringe, please for the love of god know that while i am still cringe i am not as bad as i once was

anyways, what i am trying to communicate is that while the person who ran this blog and myself may technically inhabit the same body, we’re not quite the same person; and yet, this is still my body, my face, my words, my thoughts, all contained here, even if i no longer understand those thoughts and feelings and words, no longer feel like the face depicted is my face. going through and making every single one of my old posts unrebloggable would be not only tedious but a ridiculous, gargantuan task, considering my post count is just short of 50,000 and no matter how many of those are reblogs that i wouldn’t need to alter, it took long enough just deleting a bunch of old selfies that i truly don’t think it would be worth it

thus, my request is this: my art is all fair game, but any (old) personal posts or selfies i'd like left alone. no likes, no reblogs, just let them be, please. while i've left a good portion of the latter up for posterity, i'd prefer you not even look for them. likewise, i've gone through and deleted all instances of my deadname; do not try to seek it out. or i may smite you in real life

other than all of that, i'm willfully leaving this blog up as an archive. please don't abuse that, please respect my requests regarding what i am and am not okay with being interacted with, and please keep a healthy barrier in your mind between who i was as a teenager and my new, adult self, because even i don't know what i was going on about back then

with all of that finally out of the way, if you're looking to contact me for whatever reason, you'll find my new blog in my next (and probably final, ever, for this blog) reblog. that post is a plea for a friend of mine who i miss and have completely lost contact with to come and talk with me again, if they'd like, so i'm hoping that posting this here and giving them a way of contacting me might help if they ever come back and look at this blog, which was the impetus for me hunting down my own log-in info to begin with, though not the sole reason (i really did want to purge this fucking thing of its evils even if only a little i've been meaning to do that for ages)

i don't intend to ever deactivate that blog just as i won't be deactivating this one, but as a failsafe, you can also email nisutitja @ gmail, because i don't really wanna just... put my discord where everyone can see it. that is not my main email, but i do own that address. might be a little late on the response but it should be reliable enough