#like a genuinely bad game that i can't believe anyone liked

[morikosa]

May I request some feral yandere Gojo? Just of any kind, maybe some head cannons?

By the way, I love your writing! 🩵

Yandere Gojo Satoru

Gojo's obsession with you goes beyond just wanting to be close to you—he feels an overwhelming need to possess you completely. He can't stand the thought of anyone else getting too close, and any potential threat (even if it's just a harmless friend) becomes a target for his unyielding "protection."

He is incredibly clever, and he’s not above using his charm to manipulate situations in his favor. If he suspects someone is interested in you, he’ll find ways to make that person look bad, whether it's revealing a secret or using his powers to make their life more difficult.

While Gojo may not outright lock you away, he’ll subtly control your schedule, where you go, and who you talk to. He'll make it seem like everything is "for your own good," ensuring you're only ever in his presence or at places he deems "safe." You won’t even realize how isolated you're becoming, as he’ll smooth everything over with his perfect smile and easygoing demeanor.

As you know, his love language is obsessive physical affection. He touches you constantly—holding your small hand, putting his arm around your thin waist, or pulling you into his lap when no one is around. He says things like, "You're mine, right?" or "Don't forget who keeps you safe, baby," and it’s clear he’s staking his claim on you in subtle but undeniable ways.

His calm exterior cracks when he sees you talking to someone else for too long, especially if that person is another man or someone who's too close to you. His jealousy manifests as a coldness in his eyes, and if he doesn't directly confront the person, he'll find ways to make sure you know that you belong to him and him alone. Anyone who dares to challenge his position will regret it.

While Gojo will never admit it, his love for you are an obsession—he is unable to separate his feelings of love from his need for control. In his mind, no one could ever love you the way he does, and no one could ever keep you safe like he can. Anyone who tries to get too close will quickly see the darker, possessive side of Gojo.

He loves playing mind games with you, testing you in different ways that seem harmless at first but grow more intense over time. He’ll say things like, "Do you ever think about leaving me?" or "You know you’ll never be happy without me, right?" He enjoys watching your cute reactions and feeding his ego, all while tightening his grip on your emotions.

He genuinely believes that you are the only person who could truly understand him. He convinces himself that no one else could ever love him as much as you do—or as much as he loves you. This leads to an almost delusional sense of entitlement where he views you as his personal salvation, the only person who see him as a human, not a tool.

After a while, he will definitely kidnap you.

His attitude towards you won't change after you've been kidnapped. He will not take any security measures in case you run away because he thinks you are too weak to run away from him.

But let's say you ran away from him; will be severely punished. Why are you running away from him? He loves you, he protects you, so why? As a punishment he can break your legs or throw you into a dark room and leave you there alone for hours.

Until you realize you're nothing without him.

[mostlygibberish]

Every now and then I will see someone mentioning the Dragon Age games like they're still relevant and wonder what exactly I missed that they had any sort of lasting impression on people.

[xinganhao]

🫀 svt when you ask them "do you like me?"

anon → "svt texts + asking "do you like me?" to the members when you know they have a crush on you? <3"

‧₊˚✩彡 includes: [implied] svt confessions, svt crushing on reader, fluff, headcanons under the cut.

🫀 headcanons .ᐟ

seungcheol wouldn't even bother to be discreet about it. he'll immediately goes for the kill i.e. asking you out, assuming your question is you making a move. he'll smirk at you and say something along the lines of "took you long enough to notice" when you go on your first date.

jeonghan would initially try to joke around it, only to feel bad. he doesn't always immediately know when it's time to joke and when it's time to be serious. if you give him a 'redo', he'll take some time to respond, but he'll eventually come clean and then would probably proceed to downplay it. "it's just a crush. no biggie."

joshua would take this very, very seriously, in the sense that he would not want to have this conversation over text. when you meet in person, he's a bit shy but there's no mistaking his sincerity. "i really do like you," he'll say sweetly. "and i want to do something about it, if that's okay with you?"

junhui doesn't play around, especially when it comes to his feelings about you. he's blunt in a way that's uniquely him— almost a little exasperated that you're trying to fish the answer from him. when he eventually does confess, he's so cool about it, like he can't believe you not knowing. "i told you it was obvious, didn't i?"

soonyoung is the type who doesn't immediately register what's happening. maybe he just woke up. maybe he just had a particularly grueling day of practice. either way, he'll only properly answer your question hours later. "i thought i missed my chance," he'll huff. "you can't just do that to a guy—"

wonwoo is masterfully, perfectly evasive about his feelings. he borders nonchalant, even, and anyone who didn't know him well would assume that he doesn't actually like you at all. but the truth is, he's just waiting for the right moment. "i wasn't about to play in to your little charade when i've wanted you for as long as i have," he'll tell you.

jihoon doesn't really hesitate to admit his feelings, though it's very matter-of-fact. he doesn't want to hide it but he's also conscious of how you might receive his feelings. whether he'll do something or not is up in the air, but he's always in the business of telling the truth. "of course i like you. why wouldn't i?"

mingyu would definitely tease you if you attempt to wheedle the answer out of him. it's all half-jokes, his jabs of the depth of his feelings. he means it when he says you have to be ready for his real answer. "i think you'd run," he'd muse. "if you knew just how whipped i am for you."

seokmin had a plan. he really did! he'd get genuinely upset that he's thrown off his game, because he had the picture perfect confession that would put all your favorite dramas to shame. he pouts a bit over it and asks if he can still do it. "you deserve the perfect confession, and i'm going to deliver!"

minghao panics. it's not like him to, considering how cool he usually is, so he chugs a pot of tea and meditates until he remembers he actually has to respond to you. he's a little vague when he answers, but there's an underlying promise that the feelings are there— just waiting to be spoken in to existence. "i want to be sure," he'll say softly. "i need to be."

seungkwan would beat around the bush. he's definitely thrown off by the sudden question and the prospect of confessing over text, of all places. you can imagine him nervously pacing his apartment on his side of the phone. "this happened way differently in my head. maybe in a café or something, argh!"

vernon doesn't take you seriously, initially, thinking it's just another one of those cases where the two of you are messing around. but, hours later, he has a bit of a huh moment. when he realizes you'd been looking for an answer, he doesn't hesitate to give it to you. "no point in hiding."

you would think chan is being vague about his answer, when he's really trying his best to not panic. he's the most likely to change the topic on you in a desperate attempt to regain his bearings. he'll confess not long after, acting a little petulant at your attempted teasing. "i wanted to do this on my own terms," he'll say. "so, here it is— i like you, alright? there."

[jellieland]

"You know," says Jimmy smugly, "I think second is the best spot to die in, actually."

"Really," says Mumbo, exasperated.

"Yes, I don't know what you're so happy about," says Lizzie. "You barely lasted ten minutes more than me."

"Doesn't matter. Not out first, baby!" He crows, triumphant, to the neverending void.

"And you killed me last session!"

"...Yes, I, uh, I'm sorry about that one. Sort of. Mostly," he says, momentarily cowed.

"I can't believe you people," says Lizzie. "They didn't have a funeral for me. I died first, and you got one, and they didn't even have a funeral for me!" She sounds indignant, but a look of genuine hurt crosses her face for a moment.

"I'm going to be honest, Lizzie," says Mumbo awkwardly. "I think they had bigger things to worry about. I- I think Joel was quite sad about it, though. If that helps?"

"I suppose it's better than nothing." She crosses her arms.

"But- wait, hang on. Jimmy?" says Mumbo abruptly. "Did you say you wanted to go out second?"

"No!" Jimmy protests. "I just think if you have to go out, then second is sort of ideal, really, if you think about it!"

"No!" says Mumbo, indignant. "No, surely third is better, actually! And to extend that logic, fourth would be better as well, and fifth, and- well, you get the idea. Anyway, my point is that I did better than both of you!"

"Hey, don't bring me into this!" says Lizzie.

"Anyway, you're wrong," says Jimmy, back to being smug again.

There is a short silence.

"You, uh. You gonna elaborate on that one, buddy?" asks Mumbo.

"Well," says Jimmy. "Obviously going out first is terrible. Would not recommend. I don't know why anyone would do it, honestly, I know I would never-"

"You're going on my list," says Lizzie, cheerfully.

"Wait wait wait, no, I didn't mean it, I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I really am!"

"Hmm." Lizzie narrows her eyes. "Acceptable. For now."

A few moments pass.

"You may continue," she says.

"Right," says Jimmy. "What was I saying?"

"You were being wrong about how the ranking in this game works," offers Mumbo.

"No I wasn't!" says Jimmy. "Just, let me explain. Now, you obviously don't want to go out first, sorry Lizzie, but it's true."

"I will concede that point," says Lizzie. "It wasn't great."

"But—have you seen how they get?"

"How they... get?" Mumbo frowns. "What do you mean?"

"The people who don't die."

"I- now, I don't know if you remember this," says Mumbo, "But third is a new record for me, so I really don't know how you expect me to know that."

"Anyway," interjects Lizzie, "Mumbo and I have only done this once before. I mean, I guess people started losing it a bit once you two died, but it wasn't that much different to how it already had been. Although I wasn't around for that long at that point."

"Yes, but, it-" Jimmy frowns. "I haven't seen much of it either. But there's something- I don't know how to explain what I mean. Maybe you haven't noticed, but there's stuff with Grian, Scott, Pearl."

He stops, sighs. Looks at the ground.

"Martyn's going to be alone, now," he says.

"Well," says Lizzie, a little acerbic. "You don't have to have people die for that to happen, you know."

Jimmy gives her a look that is a combination of sheepishness and genuine regret. "Ah. Yeah. I guess not."

"So you're right," says Lizzie. "I don't know what you mean."

"...I did feel bad," says Jimmy, quietly.

"You... did?" asks Lizzie. "What about?"

Jimmy looks at her, then off to the side. "...When I killed you."

"Oh."

"I really didn't mean to," he says. "I felt bad. It wasn't satisfying. It was just... a person I cared about. Dead. Because of me. Because I acted without thinking, because I wasn't paying attention."

"...Oh." says Lizzie, softly.

"And that was when I knew you would come back," says Jimmy.

Lizzie and Mumbo exchange glances, unsure.

"I'm good with second," says Jimmy. "I think it's the closest you can get to winning, actually."

They stand there, silent, for some time.

"Well," says Mumbo eventually. "I still feel like third is a bit better, though."

"Mumbo!" cries Jimmy.

"Mumbo, come on, we were just having a moment!" says Lizzie.

"Yes well, look, I really need this, guys," says Mumbo, shifting his weight from side to side. "I don't know if you know this, but I've had a really bad day. It was just terrible!"

"I think we've all had pretty bad days, Mumbo!" says Lizzie, raising an eyebrow. "I don't know if you've noticed, but we all died!"

"Yes, I- I had picked up on that, actually."

"I don't know," says Jimmy. "My day was great!"

They keep talking, and bickering, and the emptiness stretches off into the distance.

It's nice, not to have to be there alone.

[jnnul]

dating karina (aespa)

word count: 870 words a/n: uhh i've been in a karina state of mind lately i could've made this at least 8k words but i didn't... genres: fluff and nsfw content

gif creds: @sunghanbin

the one that you need to know about jimin is that she is a selfish lover

and i mean that in every sense of the word

she is SO incredibly possessive

will absolutely get upset if she feels like she's sharing your love with literally anyone or anything

in fact, she probably asked you out because she got jealous af

aka she was trying to court you and you kept friend-zoning her

"omg you got me flowers and perfume? you're such an amazing friend, jimin!"

smh.

one day, she catches you with a box of chocolates that she definitely did not get you

and she loses it

"y/n, who got you this? they probably poisoned it. idk. you should throw it out. i think it went bad. oh wait it's ugly. throw it away."

will buy you a box of chocolate double the size

and seeing her jealous is what finally makes things click in your head

but you like seeing her so possessive over you so you pretend that you don't know what she's saying

until she finally summons all of her courage and asks you out formally

and oh, if you thought that her crushing on you was intense, it TRIPLES when you start dating

openly flirts with you everywhere. in front of everyone.

will call you beautiful/handsome/gorgeous and will glare at anyone who doesn't agree with her (platonically, ofc)

will scream from the rooftops that she's head over heels for you

but beyond all of that, she loves so hard

jimin genuinely believes that you were the one to hang the stars in the sky

she really asks for nothing in your relationship except for never giving her a reason to think that you don't like her

highkey, she's a loser

i mean that

like you could just sit in her lap when she games and she would think that you're the sexiest person she's ever laid eyes on

it could be overbearing just HOW into you she is if she wasn't so loser??

like yea, she's super possessive and will stink eye anyone looking at you weird when you're dressed up all sexy

but then she'll look at you with those big boba eyes because she forgets the entire world when you look at her

highkey thinks that you're out of her league??

like in her head, she games 29/8, wears glasses, wears the same wrinkled shirt for days on end, is super shy when you first meet her, etc.

not to mention the fact that she's aware that she's so incredibly in love with you

so it can hurt her in the beginning when you don't know how to show her just how much you love her

like you're just AWKWARD but she doesn't get that

but literally just tell her and she will fall like a lovesick puppy all over again

is such a gentlewoman omg

doesn't let you pay for anything, spoils you rotten, and loves nothing more than to tell you how much she loves you

will not break up with you. like once you're with her, you're with her for lyfe.

[nsfw content below.]

OMG AND IT TRANSFERS TO THE BEDROOM TOO

BC I SWEAR THAT SHE'S SUCH A SOFT DOM

she likes dressing you up in the prettiest sets, watching you model them for her bc she likes seeing how shy you get

is it controversial if i said she would make you wear a collar?

doesn't matter how big or small you are, you will always find yourself on her lap

she likes making you ride her thigh??

like she likes watching you try to get yourself her without even lifting a finger

again with the whole i want you to love me as much as i love you thing

especially if you're wearing her clothes??

will get clothes 9x too big just bc she likes seeing you swaddled in her clothes, using her to get yourself off

but you can't. ofc you can't.

she honestly would make you feel so good that you physically wouldn't be able to get off w/o her helping you

will mark you everywhere

i'm not joking

you'll wake up looking like you got mauled by bear from the hickeys on your neck

she likes spanking you for the same reason

her handprint on your ass is pretty much permanent atp

is dominant the whole time (and it's very very rare that she gives up control) and loves making you melt in her arms

her goal is always to make you feel so good that you can't speak, just clawing at her for more

more what? who knows. but she'll give it to you, that's for sure.

is very kinky and probably enjoys fantasies of a lot of darker kinks but is very scared of pushing you past your limits

just the sheer volume of dark dark fantasies that she finds herself getting off to the idea of subjecting you to scares her

aftercare is superb

never fails to clean you up, wait for you to come back to her, and always snuggles the absolute best fr fr

she's a sweetie who fucks real good (a keeper fr)

[chaotic-toasters]

Invisible

TW: Bad-ish mental health

Chelsea!Reader

Ex-UNC!Reader

I don't think this makes any sense but whtvs

-----------------

Transfer to Chelsea, they said. It'll be fun, they said. Well, you said that they were wrong.

You signed for Chelsea under the promise of playing time and friendship, only to be immediately benched and left to wander the halls of Cobham by yourself.

In hindsight, it was a stupid decision to join the Blues. The winning WSL side had no need for you on their already stacked roster, and in no way were you going to be able to compete with the likes of Zecira Musovic and Hannah Hampton.

You'd once been told that only truly deserving and talented people could reach the professional level of a sport, but you were seriously doubting it. You weren't a quitter, but you were genuinely wondering if you should wait for your 23rd birthday next year to announce your retirement or if you should just announce it now. You were still young, and you weren't about to waste any more of your life waiting for your footballing career to blossom.

It was funny, you thought, how the same cycle just kept repeating. When you played in your home state of Chicago for the Red Stars, you'd sat on the bench and watched Alyssa Naeher, your captain and USWNT starting keeper, guard the net, but you'd at least been happy, being good friends with most of your teammates. Then, during your time at Manchester United, Marc Skinner had promised you that you'd play in games against easier opponents. You never did, always internally scolding yourself for believing that he would want to play you. Now, at Chelsea, you were all alone, not a familiar face or start in sight. The only time you'd been in the net during games was in college, where you'd been head of the DoD for UNC. That time was long gone, though.

-----------

"Y/N!" you almost missed Emma calling your name, too busy wondering if anyone would notice if you napped on the bench during the match. It was against Arsenal, but you were practically invisible to your teammates and the media alike.

"Yes?" you glanced up from the ground, only half-paying attention.

"Zecira isn't here and Hannah can't play on with that calf. You're going in."

"Okay." You didn't move, your manager's words not registering in your brain.

She stared at you. "Aren't you gonna go get your gloves?"

"Oh, right." You took off towards the changing room, grabbing your gloves, waterbottle, and blinding-white sweat towel that you'd had for the past three years.

When you went back outside, Emma patted you on the shoulder, offering you a word of advice and reminding you that the score was nil-nil.

It was embarrassingly quiet when you jogged into goal, the only cheers being a few quiet Chelsea fans in a sea of blue. You just shook your head to yourself, bouncing on the balls of your feet as play started up again. No distractions.

------------

A breakaway in the 51st minute had you barking orders at your backline, but none of your defenders were fast enough to catch up. Stina Blackstenius was sprinting at you full-force as you came out of your goal, and though her body shifted to the left and she passed the ball between her feet, you noticed how her eyes momentarily flicked upwards. Your hand instinctively shot up, smacking the ball away like a cat would a toy on a string, and as it flew over the crossbar, the entire stadium was silent other than the soft pitter-patter of rain on the roof.

The roar of the crowd rang out seconds later, and the Arsenal players eyed you with a newfound wariness as Steph Catley ran to take the corner kick.

"Hey," someone whispered, nudging you. "That was sick. I knew you still had it in you."

You glanced up and smiled. "Thanks, Foxy."

She ran back, sharing a few words with your other former UNC teammates, Alessia and Lotte, the three of them giving you small smiles as the whistle blew.

You came out of the net again as the ball came flying into the box, jumping up over Blackstenius again and swatting it away once more. The cheers from the Chelsea fans was deafening, drowning out whatever Emma was yelling to you from the sidelines.

Chelsea forwards and Arsenal defenders chased after the ball into the Arsenal half, leaving you, your defenders, and Arsenal forwards in your half. "Hey," Alessia called, giving you a little wave from the edge of your box. "Nice saves."

You waved back. "Thanks."

"You haven't changed a bit from Uni," she commented, jogging away. "Reflexes sharp as ever."

"You haven't changed either," you grinned. "Clumsy as ever."

Her head whipped back around indignantly. "Hey!"

-------------

It was strange being a part of your teammates' conversations. It was as if you'd been invisible before the match, and each save slowly made you appear before their eyes. They'd met you with smiles and claps on the back after the game, all too happy to secure a tie in the wake of losing their first two keepers. You could care less about your current teammates, though. The ones who really mattered were your old ones.

"We totally would have won if Chelsea didn't have you," Emily scoffed jokingly, giving you a light push. "You saved their asses."

You pushed her back with a shit-eating grin, lowering your voice. "I'll be saving your asses instead soon enough."

Lotte spit out her water onto Alessia, who shrieked in disgust. "Really?!"You snickered. "Yeah. Don't tell anyone, though."

Alessia pinched her jersey in her fingers, airing it out. "Have you thought about this? The Chelsea fans aren't going to like that at all. Trust me, I know."

"I don't care," you shrugged. "I'll be happy at Arsenal, and I know I'll get playing time."

"Well, we can't wait to see you at Colney," Lotte grinned. "Arsenal red will look great on you."

You grinned back. "I know it will."

[anotherocean]

My first pick a pile reading for you all! Been wanting to do this for a long time and hopefully add a little sparkle to your day, some guidance, maybe reassurance (?), or just a little divination fun.

This is a general reading for your life at the moment. I used tarot and my intuition to come up with these readings. If you aren't familiar with how to do this, you just pick an image that pops out at you, or choose one quickly and randomly. Whatever method you want to use it usually works. Pile readings below! Let me know if anything resonated with you! This is my first time doing this so feedback is really nice :)

Hello my beautiful pile 1s! A lot of mental energy here!

My main piece of advice pile 1 is:

GIVE IN TO THE NOT KNOWING

Looks like you could use some support with that overactive mind of yours. First thing's first it's going to be okay. It looks like you've had some sleepless nights recently and something is keeping you awake at night in worry-- whatever you are going through is not easy and would test anyone's faith. This might be the result of feeling betrayed (or a misunderstanding for some) in some way, or perhaps you are even lowering yourself to a level that feels untrue to you. In any case your soul is saying no to a lot of ways you are perceiving your situation right now and urging you to take a step back. Your idealism may be pushing up against some cold hard facts … about a person? (never a fun feeling) and disillusionment of some sort might be setting in. Your desire to win or succeed or have your own way may be clouding the best avenue toward your genuine peace and fulfillment (I've been there honey, I feel you). I am getting the feeling you are going around and around in your head playing mental games. Tap into your honesty and your intuition. Don't sneak out the proverbial back door. Patience is required right now. You'll make it through I believe in you! Things are going to work out, but maybe it's time to rest and reflect a bit babe? I'm getting the sense that rest frightens you a bit. Either you feel you can't stop, or rest has become equated with stagnation in your mind. In this instance that is not the case. Rest is a terrific idea for you because this looks like something you need to wait out. On the upside, I'm seeing that for some of you there could be some wonderful feelings of inspiration or drive or something urging you forward. Perhaps there is a complex mix of your excitement for a new idea or project, and conflict between something going on in your life, so you are experiencing some push/pull dynamics that are causing a lot of uncomfortable mental energy. My advice is rest, tap into some inner strength, and give in to not knowing and what a truly beautiful and relieving feeling that can be. You can't possibly know, so don't! You don't need to figure everything all out at once honey, or solve this problem immediately.

Hello my incredible pile 2's! I love you.

You have an incredibly clear mind at the moment. You are approaching your situation with logic, which may feel a bit at odds with your needs to be nurtured. I'm getting maybe someone studying or pouring themselves into research but forgetting to take care of their more sensual needs like eating nice meals, going for walks, etc. In the distant or recent past you may have been in a limiting situation -- either victimized by some form of addiction, or bad relationship, or something that was bringing out parts of your shadow side that were not to your liking. This was something that you may have felt chained to... I'm getting your toxic ball and chain. That said, I'm seeing that you are harnessing a lot of energy positively right now, and will continue to do so. You have the power and ability to manifest your dreams, reach toward your goals, be the creator in your life. In the past you may have felt victimized and held captive by a person or situation, but you are now finding yourself (or about to be finding yourself) holding the power in your life. The world around you is aligned with you in presenting you with new opportunities for growth and love, and this is merely reflecting all the power you have right now. It seems you may be faced with an important decision, and while you are jumping and ready for new adventures, I ask you to also make sure you align your desire for adventure with your values related to the people and relationships in your life. You can do no wrong if you truly consult your heart in this important decision and take an honest look there by also allowing the people in your life to be included in that "gazing into the heart" that I mentioned. You are not an island, you are most definitely connected. You also have some doubts it looks like, or fears of separation or loss. The pain of heartbreak. A last word of advice is talk to someone you trust, perhaps a mentor, or consult your higher power for guidance. You may find resolution in aligning yourself with your traditions, or the traditions of people around you. I have to be honest pile 2, your picture isn't crystal clear for me, so I hope I filled in enough blanks to give this reading some value for you!

Pile 3 hello! So much beauty here.

It looks like there are so many beautiful things in your life right now. Wonderful relationships, some degree of emotional fulfillment, and periods of gorgeous and harmonious socializing and abundance are all present. There is a strong, positive emphasis on community, but you also need to nurture your individual creative expressions (be that something tangible like painting a picture, or something more related to using your creative abilities for manifestation, or maybe just... spending some time in the garden planting seeds). You need to see the fruits of your own labor (!!!). Also, let it be known that as soon as I began your reading and was looking at the above image I felt such a lightness! Wish I were you pile 3! Like a breath of fresh air. Life is good. You also want to create some more stability for yourself. Even with all the good things, you have your sights set on something better and what a beautiful thing that is! You might be itching for something new and exciting, even with all the good things going on in your life, and the main and BIG POWERFUL MESSAGE of this reading is to embrace change. You may have built up something gorgeous and fulfilling but your heart is looking for more. EMBRACE the radical changes. EMBRACE the tearing down of the good things. More good things will come. You may currently find yourself feeling influenced by some conservatism around you (not necessarily a bad thing), but the stable attitude of those around you may be at odds with your need to honor your enthusiasm for adventure and break down what you have in order to build up something new again. As I mentioned, what you've built is gorgeous, but perhaps it is time to tear it down? You have some fears and worries around this, so take this advice as lightly or deeply as you like. Whatever the case, the changes you want aren't going to be a lightning bolt. You need to put effort into long term planning with patience, and perseverance. You need to carefully nurture your efforts right now, more than you need to immediately start a new life.

=====

That's it! I had so much fun doing this, I hope you enjoyed it! It was fun getting a peak into some of your lives. At some point I may offer clarification card readings if any of you want to pay for additional info or extra questions related to the above readings. I'm not sure yet, just enjoying the experiment and maybe I'll do this with some regularity :) Also let me know if there's any specific reading you might like to see me do in the future! I have been so hardcore into astrology recently (truly obsession level) so tarot is a nice little sideline.

[inkskinned]

being single in your late 20s & 30s is so fucking wild bc on one hand it's fun and flirty and you skip a lot of the bullshit because you know what you're looking for and you know how to spot a red flag from a mile away and you've learned to set boundaries and communicate your own and be upfront about your needs and most of the time they've learned it too - and if they haven't, you can tell after the second date that they haven't been to therapy

and every time you feel lonely and dried up and an ugly husk there's a whole community of other single people out there who are just as unhinged and want to hang out with you because they just need a plus-one like you do and you get introduced to like. people in their 60's and 70's and 80's who are all like - nope, single life is my choice and i love it and you feel warm and seen and like okay, it's not the end of the world if i'm not seeing anybody. and yeah it's hard and sometimes exhausting but part of getting better is that you do make like so many friends and do so much wild shit because you made a promise to yourself that you'll actually get out there and try shit and actually work on your hobbies and skills and friendships because to be honest in relationships you wouldn't push yourself this hard and it's actually been super rewarding because it came from you and from what you wanted

and yes of course the apps such and dating in general can suck but after one of the bad dates you go back to your apartment and call up those friends you made and make jokes about what the other person said and it rolls right off your back and you have plans for self-care in the morning. you prioritize yourself and your happiness and you really actually don't mind it, a lot of the time, unless it's like at a wedding and they're doing one of those couples-related things. most of the time it's not even a problem except when you can tell people pity you for it and you're like - i'm actually fine, babe, even without a partner i am still, like a person and yes of course it would be nice to have a partner but you have established yourself as a person and as an adult in a way that feels really hard-won and well-earned and you're protective of that and of the life you're living and honestly you're pretty happy, all things considered

and at the same time you do have to tell your father that you are single on purpose right now and that, yes, believe it or not, they're letting women be single past the age of 30 these days without burning us at the stake (can you imagine!) and you have to kind of sit pretty while people make jokes about how you're losing your marriageability and you're like, a little too old for the bars and the clubs and whatever but you do still want to go out dancing and it's like. the other day you went to a board game party and had the time of your life and then your mom calls you and says she's worried because what if you never find the one, shouldn't you be spending more time looking? and you're like - trying to balance this place where you're actually, like, perfectly okay? except you hear this thing over and over and over - oh no. that's so sad. i hope you find your lover. and you weren't really upset about it until someone suggested that you're running out of time and until someone said that it's so miserable that you live without someone to kiss and you're like why can't anyone believe that i'm genuinely happy. like. joy. like. bliss.

and then they look at you and they look at their partner and the look passes between them that says - poor thing. you're just lying to yourself about this.

[dnpbeats]

drop the dan loving goblin phil essay rn

(in reference to my tag on this post)

OKAY SO! In BIG dan says this about phil: "And this is when, through the magic of the internet, I met Phil. And obviously we were more than friends but it was more than just romantic. This is someone that genuinely liked me. I trusted them. And for the first time since I was a tiny child, I actually felt safe. [...] Especially to anyone that has experienced the kind of self-hatred that I have dealt with, one person accepting you can make all the difference" (ty @goldenpinof for the transcript 🕺). Now obviously, this is in the context of dan being gay so for the most part he's referencing his sexuality here when he talks about being accepted, and I am not trying to undermine that at all. But I think that phil's acceptance of dan went deeper than just his sexuality (goblin Phil comes into this I promise lol).

dan also talks a bit in BIG about how he was nerdy and was bullied for that before he was bullied for being gay. He's also mentioned other times how being nerdy/geeky didn't use to be accepted. In the 4/13 stereo show, dan says: "Before YouTube, if you were a nerd, you felt like you weren't a valid member of society unless you were, like, captain of the football team or whatever. [...] Now, thanks to social media, it's like 'oh, okay, well if someone like Hank Green can exist, I'm fine.'" What's extra interesting about this example specifically is that dan is talking about representation in response to a fan prompting him to talk about queer representation in media. So like, yes the majority of dan's struggles in accepting himself were surrounding his sexuality, but I do also think there was a layer of being a nerdy kid at a time when it wasn't cool or fun that added onto him not accepting himself. And I do not think that that's completely separate from his nonacceptance of his sexuality.

So, what exactly does this have to do with dan expecting phil to be super debonair and then having those expectations shattered? But then still wanting phil, arguably even more than he did before? Well, I think that phil was (and is) unapologetically himself, and that was inspiring for dan to see. dan said in BIG that he didn't meet an out gay person until he was 18, so either that person was phil himself or he met phil shortly afterwards and phil was therefore one of the first out gay people dan knew. and we know from phil's coming out video that he wasn't ashamed of his sexuality at that time. but phil's acceptance of himself goes beyond his sexuality, like just look at his YouTube content at the time. he was doing experimental stuff that was weird as shit (I don't mean that in a bad way I like his old vids!). most people probably would not have the confidence or self-assurance to make the stuff he was making, let alone post it. and then, beyond that, he was just a nerdy guy himself! but it was something that he openly talked about online and we know he and dan bonded over video games/tv shows/etc.

And now let's think about this from dan's perspective. He's been watching this guy's videos forever. He's been talking to him online for the past couple of months, and while he was talking with phil (rather than "amazingphil"), I'm sure there was still that element of like "wow holy shit I can't believe I'm talking with amazingphil!" Hence why dan says in the mean girls video that he was expecting phil to be all "hi, I'm amazingphil! 😏" when they first met (also side note, when dan starts to make this joke phil starts doing it at the same time, so I'm sure this is a discussion they've had before lol). but Phil wasn't like that!!! he was all hunched over and awkward and dorky! because he was nervous!! BUT he wasn't ashamed of that. he wasn't trying to put on some AmazingPhil™ Smooth Operator Refined front. He was just himself. Unapologetically so. And for dan, I think that that meant so much in terms of accepting himself, but also feeling accepted. because how was he going to believe phil when he said "dan I love you for who you are" if phil was hiding himself around dan?

So yeah, I think that's why dan saw goblin phil, not amazingphil, and was still like "yeah I want to build my life with this person." Because for him, phil represented self-acceptance and being accepted and a safe place and someone who he could be on the same wavelength with and true unconditional love and someone he can geek out with and someone who will let him yap for an hour about whatever the hell dan has decided to talk about that day. of course he would like phil more than whatever version of amazingphil he had built up in his head. because phil loves dan for who he truly is and dan loves phil for who he truly is :)

[aayakashii]

If requests are open may I ask for some yandere Towa 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

The way I cackled when I received these asks KDHDSKDJJDHDJSKJS

Okay let's think of SOME YANDERE HEDCANONS 🫵🫵 (and I'm so sorry for taking so long to answer btw 😭😭)

Yandere!Towa

Oh, I genuinely love to think about Towa as a yandere because, to be honest, I already see him as one.

In my opinion, he's the most dangerous character in the game, so I'm pretty sure he'd be extremely hard to deal with.

Not because he's a danger to you, but because he's a danger to everyone around you

Yan!Towa isn't able to share your company with anyone because he genuinely thinks he's the only one who can be by your side.

His bad habit of seeing you as weak and fragile like a poor little dandelion cranks up immensely.

Keeping you safe under his watchful eyes and hands and legs and body becomes one of his main priorities.

He still trusts Haru, obviously, but there's no need for you to hang around anyone else that isn't him, right? Okay?

He clings to you, glaring at anyone and everyone that dares come closer than they should. You can do no harm you're so weak, after all, but he can't say the same thing for all those people.

Dark grey clouds immediately gather over your heads, and you panic, trying to calm him down, to assure him that no one will try to steal you from him.

He's not very sure of that.

Yan!Towa is extremely obsessed with the image of you and himself as the perfect pair. It's everything he has ever needed to fulfill his wild romantic fantasies.

He is your prince, like in all those old fairytales he has read before, and you'll be damned if you don't properly fulfill your role as his one true love.

Yandere!Lyca

Oh the baby 😔

Poor Lyca. I don't think he'd ever try to threaten you or emotionally blackmail you as a yandere.

Yan!Lyca just genuinely wants to stay right beside you no matter where you are.

No matter where you are.

He develops the habit of stalking you. Except his idea of stalking is basically just following you closely wherever you go.

If he sees any threat, he immediately jumps in front of you, growling, ears and tail popping out as he stays in high alert.

He actually doesn't see everyone as a threat. He does trust Rui or Subaru and maybe a few other people he might respect. Ed is a NO-NO.

But if anyone tries to flirt with you? Oh, you better be quick if you want to prevent him from jumping on someone's neck.

He's a jealous little thing. He constantly needs to be your best everything – your best friend, your best werewolf (even if he's the only one), the best ghoul, the best student, the best boy...

He is very quick to feel insecure, and in order to compensate, he clings even closer to you.

And whenever you're out on a mission with someone else (he tried to go, believe me), the only way he's able to calm down is by barging into your dorm and sleeping on your bed.

You better be ready to have him all over you once you're back because he WILL try to check if there's any difference on your scent. And if there is? There will be no end to his sulking.

Just pay attention to him instead of anyone else (it doesn't matter if you can't help it!), and maybe he'll stop pouting and huffing and puffing right on your neck.

[stawbeemilk]

⤷ relationship headcanons – hq

✩ characters: hinata, bokuto, tendou

✩ warnings: f!reader

✩ a/n: i had so much fun writing the first part so i'm doing more!! i love these three so much it's actually insane

⭑ hinata

⤷ you two are so cute together it's almost sickening, you're definitely that couple who everyone is lowkey jealous of because of how utterly infatuated you are with each other

⤷ hinata literally adores you so much, he sometimes annoys his friends and teammates because of how much he talks about you

⤷ he tries to dial it back but he can't help it, he just loves you so much— you and volleyball occupy pretty much all of his thoughts <3

⤷ hinata is literally a ray of sunshine, he always knows how to make you feel better when you're having a bad day

⤷ likes to send you good morning and good night texts when the two of you are apart, it's his way of showing you that he's thinking of you

⤷ he definitely prefers to be the little spoon when cuddling, but gets super embarrassed if you ever mention it in front of anyone

⤷ hinata thinks you look adorable in his clothes, whenever you put on one of his t-shirts and it's all loose and oversized on you it makes him weak in the knees— you're just too cute <3

⤷ he can't explain why but he gets so flustered whenever you wear his jersey and will start blushing and fumbling his words

⤷ loves to randomly pick you up and spin you around, lifting you so effortlessly as if you weigh nothing to him

⤷ lets you do his makeup because he gets to see your face up close, he thinks you look so pretty when you're focused and will have a lovesick grin plastered on his face the entire time

⤷ likes doing chores with you such as cleaning the house or buying groceries together, but every time you go shopping he somehow always manages to get lost and you end up spending half of the trip looking for each other

⤷ hinata is always showering you with compliments, and will call you beautiful at least three times a day

⤷ overall a huge sweetheart <3

⭑ bokuto

⤷ when bokuto falls in love, he falls hard— he adores absolutely everything about you and genuinely thinks the world of you

⤷ he's a very affectionate boyfriend, definitely gives the best hugs and makes you feel so safe when he wraps those beefy arms around you <3

⤷ he loves pda and will happily kiss you regardless of who's watching, but only if you're okay with it!! he never wants to make you uncomfortable and will definitely tone it down if you ask him to

⤷ bokuto can't sleep without you, when the two of you are away from each other he always has to call you and listen to your voice or else he won't be able to sleep

⤷ whenever you're sad he will do everything in his power to try and cheer you up or comfort you— likes to break out the puppy dog eyes if you refuse to tell him why you're upset

⤷ if you have an argument, he's always the first to apologise, even if he wasn't in the wrong

⤷ the first time you took him to a yakiniku restaurant on a date he very nearly got down on one knee and proposed to you

⤷ no matter how busy bokuto is with volleyball, he always manages to make time for you

⤷ he loves when you come to his games and cheer for him, and whenever he scores a point he'll make a heart with his hands at you

⤷ regardless of whether the team wins or loses, you always give him the biggest hug afterwards and tell him how proud of him you are

⤷ bokuto enjoys watching you do your skincare routine and will be over the moon when you ask him if he wants to do it with you

⤷ he would be lying if he said he understood what any of your products actually were, but he loves the feeling of you applying all the different creams and serums to his face

⤷ he's such a golden retriever bf

⭑ tendou

⤷ tendou still doesn't understand how he managed to end up with someone as gorgeous as you, he honestly thinks he's the luckiest guy on earth

⤷ literally worships the ground you walk on

⤷ he still can't believe he gets to wake up next to you, and he sometimes has to pinch himself in the morning to make sure he isn't dreaming

⤷ the first time you called him handsome he cried

⤷ tendou gets so excited if you're someone who also likes anime, the two of you binge watch so many shows together and he'll talk about his favourite characters with you for hours

⤷ takes you on cute little café and park dates

⤷ he's also quite spontaneous and will do things like randomly surprise you with tickets to disneyland or the eiffel tower

⤷ likes to sneak up behind you and scare you for absolutely no reason, he thinks it's so cute when you get mad at him for it

⤷ tendou actually gets really insecure if he catches someone else flirting with you— it's not that he doesn't trust you, because he does more than anything, it's just that there's always a voice in the back of his mind telling him you could do so much better than him </3

⤷ needs a lot of cuddles and reassurance from you, please tell him that he's good enough and that you love him just the way he is

⤷ if you have a sweet tooth, he likes to surprise you by bringing you little chocolates home from work <3

⤷ he's so touched starved, when the two of you first started dating it caught him so off guard when you would show him affection

⤷ but as time went on and he grew accustomed to your touch it wasn't long before he revealed his clingy side to you— asking you for cuddles and kisses all the time and sending you texts while he's at work saying that he misses you

⤷ protect him

⤷ please do not repost my works on any other sites!

[bratbarzal]

On Your Side (NH13) / Chapter Five

Pairing: Nico Hischier x Fem!OC Poppy Jensen*

*I say it's an OC, it's just a name and third person POV. I use minor character descriptions because I don’t get on with writing vague reader inserts/YN for long-form, story heavy fics, but I will generally try to avoid including race and body type or really any physical descriptors. I’m always open to feedback on my writing, or how to be more inclusive.

WC: 17k (holy moly)

Chapter Warnings: I tried to sprinkle some fluffy flashbacks and smutty references later in here just to lighten the mood but this is angsty!! probably cursing I honestly can't remember, and serious warnings rn mentions of hacking/gossip blogs/blackmail/cyber bullying/nudes being leaked, talia is her own warning tbh. I tried not to make a cliched ex comes in between them plot and idk how it comes across but yeah I was trying to toe the line between it being interesting/different and then going too far and not being able to write around it which is why the plot kind of fixes itself quick and is a leeeetle bit bad but there's some unresolved bitterness in that relationship for sure lmao she has a LOT 2 say!! did I mention there's angst in here? insecurity/self-doubt and miscommunication!!! in abundance!!! but!! luke is a cutey patootie in this I wrote his part with a lil smile on my face 💖 also a ridiculous conversation about huffing glue lmao

Series Masterlist

Previous Part (Chapter Four)

A/N: ok so in the grand scheme of things this is both a filler chapter and also like a pivotal point in the story to set something later up, but when I was planning this entire fic out, the only directive I gave myself for this specific chapter was insert angst. you wouldn't believe the amount of times I've written and rewritten and gone back and forth on what's in here. it's the kind of instruction only a complete melon would give themselves and I clearly just hate myself in ways that are spooky and strange to submit myself to this kind of torture.

and I hear your cries of hasn’t this fic just been angst so far??? yes!! you may be correct!! but you don’t get a rainbow without a bit of rain hun!!! grab an umbrella!!! I promise good will come of this lmao

I'm sorry this one took so long, it's the only chapter I didn't have any kind of plan or direction for obviously and I tried to come up with so many different options for the talia plot before I landed on whatever this is, but the next one I do have some scenes written out in my plan so shouldn't be as long in between. my goal has always been a chapter a week but like I said the other day work has been a lot for me the past couple of weeks so I am genuinely sorry for making you wait!!

you guys were very fun and very kind to me after the last chapter so please please please lets keep the good vibes going come chat to me about your thoughts about the fic about the weather about anything!! 💓

Nico

When Nico and Talia had first started dating, there had been an element of excitement to the dynamic. Nico hadn’t properly dated anyone in a while - had casual flings here and there, and for the most part spent his time swallowing down his burgeoning feelings for his best friend - and there was a novelty to starting something with someone new.

He had all the intentions of building something serious with her. She was fun, got on with his friends, had ties close to home that meant he wouldn’t be putting a wedge between the two of them should he want to travel back in his breaks, and sinking his teeth into the challenges of a relationship was something that actually intrigued him.

He liked planning dates, liked buying gifts to see that buzz of joy and gratitude it would elicit, and he liked the companionship - liked having someone there when he came back from a long roadie or a tough string of games. 

He liked it so much he never really opened his eyes to the fact that Talia didn’t. 

She didn’t like the dates he planned - didn’t like the restaurants he chose, the movies he wanted to share with her, the bars him and the guys frequented. She didn’t like America, didn’t like their coffee shops, thought their pastries were packed with too much sugar, their portion sizes were too large for her ever to enjoy going for lunch, always complaining about feeling bloated and sluggish after every meal. She hated Jersey - wanted to spend all her time across the Hudson, looking down on everyone she met and everywhere they went together. She didn’t make much use of the gifts he bought her - let every bouquet of flowers die a quick, careless death, said the watch he bought her didn’t go with enough of her other jewellery and turned her nose up at every effort he made to make his apartment feel more like her home. 

She wasn’t all that comforting when it came to companionship, either. Rolled her eyes when he came home aching and exhausted, went out without him on the days he was coming back from a roadie and returned home when he had long retired to his bed. She would always want to meet up with her girlfriends instead of hanging around the team, and only ever wanted to come to games if she could bring her own entourage - mostly to show off her connections and hardly ever to actually support him.

And so, despite the initial attraction, despite the excitement that first came with their blossoming relationship, Nico can only look at Talia with disinterest and frigidity now.

He barely greets her as he opens the door to his apartment, moving aside to let her in and waiting for her to trudge her small case in behind her before he closes it, leaning against the surface and watching her discard her bag and keys on the counter with familiarity.

When she turns to face him, running a hand through her hair and huffing out a big sigh, he takes in her dishevelled appearance.

Even when travelling, Talia usually takes great pride in her pristine exterior - hair blow-dried, outfit co-ordinated and steam-pressed to perfection, not a crease or stain in sight, and usually a light layer of makeup to cover the slight imperfections like the darkened under eyes and redness around her nose. This isn’t like her.

She looks like she’s been messing with her hair the whole 8 hour flight out and beyond, her eyes are rimmed-red with smudges of brown at the corners, her lips are chapped and swollen like she’s been crying, and her sweatpants don’t match her hoodie. It’s almost like she’d thrown on whatever she could find and caught the first flight out, fresh out of bed.

“What’s going on?” He cuts straight to the chase, losing all formality and courtesy. He should feel bad for his callous greeting, but she had broken up with him over text not even a month ago - she doesn’t exactly deserve outstretched arms and a warm embrace, he thinks.

“Hi Talia, how have you been, Talia? It’s nice to see you Talia.” She mocks, a frown overtaking her features immediately. “I’m absolutely amazing, thanks for caring, Nico!” Sarcasm spews from her tongue like pure venom, and his eyes practically roll into the back of his head.

Nico pushes himself off of the door, heavy footsteps leading him into his kitchen where he can make himself a coffee to get through this. His watch reads 6:05 - far too early for her antics - and rising to her nagging is only going to make things worse.

“Do you want a drink?” He asks, as he busies himself with his coffee press, unable to look at her too long without the pricks of guilt irritating him.  He doesn’t even know what he has to feel guilty about.

“I’ll get it myself,” she scoffs, venturing over to the fridge and pouring out some orange juice - her movements around his space eerily natural. She slams back most of the drink as he works out how to brew his coffee - but she sees right through him. He’s hardly ever used the press before, and he’s just doing so now to avoid her in whatever capacity he can. “I need money.”

Nico’s almost positive he hasn’t heard her right - that there’s some kind of mix up between her standard German and his Swiss - and he slowly turns to properly face her, brows slanting into a deep frown as he assesses her expression.

She has a hand on her hip, her jaw set and her eyes darkened and serious. 

“You have money.”

Talia comes from money - her father is some kind of film producer and her mother an artist, if Nico remembers correctly - and she makes good money, herself. She’s been a print model since she was scouted in some market in Munich since she was 15, has had her face plastered in ads in magazines and catalogues around the world. She’s hardly strapped for cash. She gets things gifted to her by whatever company she can get a hold of. What could she possibly need him to give her money for?

“Not enough.” Her tone is cold, her demeanour the same, and if Nico can still gauge her emotions correctly, there’s an element of blame that she is starting to shift towards him, and his whole body starts to feel tense.

“Not enough for what?”

He can’t quite tell what feeling washes over him - worry, at the thought she’s gotten herself into some kind of trouble, stress, at the thought this could be a recurring thing, and potentially pity, at the way she’s so clearly carrying the weight of something heavy - something she’s lugged all the way across the Atlantic on a long haul flight with her.

“Not enough to pay the guy who’s blackmailing me not to leak the videos that I sent to you.”

“What vide-“ he bites back, and the immediate arch of her brow tells him all he needs to know. “Oh.”

Shit.

“Oh? That’s all you have to say?” She sneers, fury in her gaze and dismay in her tone. “You’ve ruined my life, and all I get is an oh?”

“Whoa, slow down, I’ve ruined your life?”

Nico has never been one to shame any girl for sending explicit pictures - he’d been more than willing to receive them at the time - but he hadn’t ever forced her hand. He hadn’t even asked her for them, in the first place. 

She’d taken it upon herself to spice things up, as she had put it at the time, when the team had gone on the road in early December. It was just after he’d returned from his injury - a time in which he’d spent mentally distanced from her as he’d focused so much on getting back to the game, their relationship consisting mainly of not-so-passionate sex to avoid aggravating his injury and hardly of any kind of meaningful conversation - and she had thought that keeping him on his toes on a roadie would mean he’d come back more interested than ever.

If he’d been looking out for red flags at the time, he might have caught that blaring one; needing to try new things only a few months into a relationship to keep it fun and light.

He’d been in his hotel room in Seattle, freshly showered and ready to throw himself straight into bed when his phone had started to ping. It was suggestive texts at first, are you alone? And I’m thinking about you. Then it had been pictures, hands over lingerie and fingers between glossy, pouted lips.

And then videos, one after the other before he had any chance to respond - her phone set up far enough away that her whole body was in frame, touching herself while laying on his bed and calling out for him.

He had called her instead of sending anything back, and as he realises the severity of the situation, a selfish part of him is glad he did so.

“Talia, I didn’t even save those videos, and I definitely didn’t show them to anyone else.”

Nico could never. Not only for the fact that he was raised to be a decent human being, but he has a sister - if anyone ever did that to Nina, he’d tear them apart, limb from limb. 

“You’re the only person I’ve ever sent anything to.” She seems to have made her mind up, and Nico feels as if his heart plummets through his torso at the realisation. She’s travelled all this way because she genuinely believes he’s the cause of this - that he’s shared intimate videos of her without her consent, to someone who would extort her for them. “And he sent me some pictures as proof, had information about me like the address of this apartment.”

“Talia, I swear on my mother’s life, I wouldn’t do that to you - to anyone, not ever.”

Tears well in her crystalline eyes, and Nico waits with bated breath as she assesses the situation in her head. 

He isn’t a liar - he has never given her a reason to think he is one. In their time together, he had always been honest, always been loyal, and he hopes at the very least - despite her obvious distain for him now, and how little she ended up caring about their relationship in the end to cut it off in the way she did - she thought of him as kind. 

He can do nothing but be patient, let her come to whatever conclusion on her own, and it’s only when he spots the quiver in her bottom lip that he takes an apprehensive step forward, ready to console her if needed.

She practically throws herself into his arms, wrapping her own around his waist and bawling into his chest, and all he can do is hold her and wait. He tries to rub a soothing hand up and down her back, holding the other against her head as her body wracks with sobs. All he can feel is the pounding of his own heartbeat, pulsing throughout his entire body until it’s all he can hear, too.

Nico does his best to comfort her, shushing and cooing and whispering how it’s going to be alright, but it does little to help. She’s beyond relief.

“There’s a guy who said he can track whoever is doing this to me,” she sniffles as she pulls herself away. “He’s in Jersey City Heights, he’s some sort of ethical hacker, whatever that means, I’m going to meet him and he’s gonna go through my phone.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Nico doesn’t even hesitate to ask - if not to protect her, and make sure she isn’t unknowingly getting herself into an even more dangerous situation, then to protect himself too. If someone has Talia’s pictures, and she only sent them to him, there’s a possibility his phone had been hacked, and if this guy is as ethical as he says, maybe he can check Nico’s stuff, too, just to be safe.

She gives him an appreciative smile, eyes still glassy and cheeks flushed. “I’d really appreciate that.”

“I’m gonna shower, then we can go. You can grab whatever to eat while you’re waiting.” He backs away from her completely, only just able to acknowledge the ache in his muscles once the intensity of the situation has settled a little, and he just needs to stand under the steaming spray and clear his mind before he properly immerses himself in her company. 

He has a lot more than this whole mess that he needs to think about, and maybe a shower can bring him a little clarity on how exactly he’s going to explain himself to the beautiful girl whose bed he had abruptly left not even an hour ago. 

“Why are you dressed?”

Nico stops in his tracks.

When he had got back to his apartment, he’d made a little effort for it to seem like he’d been there all night. He’d gone through to his bedroom, mussed up his sheets to make it seem like he had been sleeping in them - and not with the anticipation that Talia was going to be entering his bedroom, but with her, he never knows - trying to retrace the steps of his usual routine before he goes to bed, he had closed all the blinds, had moved his gym bag by the door.

But he hadn’t changed.

Still adorned in his sweatshirt and jeans from the night before, the clothing feels all that much heavier on his body as she brings attention to it, and he quickly racks his brain to come up with a valid excuse that doesn’t rouse further suspicion.

“I fell asleep in these clothes.” As easy as the lie comes out, he doesn’t feel great saying it. Doesn’t feel like erasing the night he had shared with Poppy is for the greater good, even if it is just to Talia, but avoiding another difficult conversation is a must right now - especially when he’d already lied to her on the phone. “Was out late with the guys last night, Timo threw a party for my birthday.”

“Right,” she drags out, and when he turns back around, she casts a scrutinising glance over him, top to bottom. “Sorry, I forgot.”

“No worries,” he shrugs, genuinely not offended. She has no reason to remember his birthday. Not anymore. “Like I said, help yourself to whatever, I’ll try not to be long.” 

When he undresses for his shower, he’s thankful he hadn’t had the foresight to change in anticipation of Talia’s arrival. He probably would have donned a t-shirt and some shorts, oblivious to the visible indents on his thighs where Poppy had dug her nails in as she took him in her mouth.

His chest and torso are littered with scratches, some faint, some a little deeper, and he can’t get the right angle to see his back but he imagines they’re the same - the memory of her clutching at him as both of their climaxes approached is vivid enough for him to picture the marks she left behind.

He groans as the thought of her brings back that swirling feeling in the pit of his stomach, as he notices the blooming arousal pool there, and feels himself harden as he steps under the spray of his shower.

If his phone had been on do not disturb through the night, he could be in the shower with Poppy, instead.

He could have woken up to her in his arms, could have pecked at her sleep-swollen lips until it brought her out of her slumber, and spent his morning making up for lost time just like he had promised her last night. He could have made light work of the pleasure he had given her the night before - could have had her underneath him in her bed, tangled up in the mess of sheets and falling apart before they shared a morning shower, where he’d have held her up against the tiles and would’ve moved into her until they couldn’t tell where he ended and she began. He’d have made her breakfast, something sweet, so that as she sat and watched him atop the kitchen counter he had tasted her on for the first time not even 12 hours before, he’d press his tongue into her mouth after she had eaten and savour the flavour of strawberries that had settled between her lips.

Instead, he’s here, turning the temperature of his water down until any and all excitement in his body is dampened, and all he can focus on is the effect the cold has on all his other aching muscles.

Once he has showered and gotten dressed - and has come to the conclusion that any further thoughts about Poppy need to wait until the Talia problem is resolved and out of his hands, he finds his ex girlfriend sprawled across his couch, music playing from the speaker in the corner, and taking helping herself to a whole new level. 

Her case is opened where she had left it by the door, and she’s set herself a little vanity up on his coffee table, fixing her appearance before they leave.

She’s changed out of her mismatched sweats, has dressed herself in jeans and a sweater, and has found an extension cable long enough for her to plug in whatever hot tool she’s currently running through her hair.

“You take the longest showers in the history of man,” she rolls her eyes, not even casting a glance his way as she focuses on her own reflection in the little mirror she must have brought with her. “I do not want to know what it is you get up to in there.”

“I was barely 30 minutes, are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, almost,” she runs the tool through her bangs until they flick out at the edges on either side of her face, and it reminds him of all the times he had watched her while waiting for her to finish getting ready. It makes him feel uneasy how familiar it all is, how she’s so quickly made herself at home again in his space.

He wants to tell her she needs to pack her stuff back up, that she won’t be staying here and needs to give his keys back, but the weight of the situation at hand dawns on him before he can open his mouth.

He’ll wait until they get back later, his decision depending on the outcome of their visit to her hacker friend.

As much as he doesn’t want her around, he isn’t going to kick her out with no place to go if her life is still shrouded in unsafe circumstances. 

Talia unplugs her stuff, wraps the cord around the handle of the brush she was using, and places it on a mat she must have brought with her so it doesn’t burn through the surface of the table. “Kay, let’s go.”

She marches ahead of him, picking up her bag and keys on the way out and leaving him to lock up while she calls for the elevator. They wait together in silence, his heart thudding an anxious rhythm in his chest as he anticipates the arrival of the elevator - and thankfully, it arrives empty.

He tries to distance himself from her as they enter, him standing in one corner, and hoping she takes the other, but she doesn’t quite get the memo, standing obliviously in the centre as she types away to someone on her phone and he presses the button to go to the basement.

Nico watches the numbers go down with bated breath. His floor, the next, the next one after that, and he uses any good will he has left with the universe to hope and pray it skips the floor coming up - but, as is just his luck, the elevator comes to a stop with a soft thud, and the doors open to reveal the very situation he’s been hoping to avoid. 

Jack walks straight in, eyes cast down to the phone in his hands, distractedly typing away and not even noticing the button for the parking level has been pressed before he pushes it, himself.

Luke notices straight away, halting in his movements to enter the space as his gaze flickers between the two people already occupying it. 

He diverts his eyes when they meet Nico’s head dropping as he steps in and stands beside his brother, uttering a quick greeting of, “Hey, Cap.”

Jack’s attention is captured immediately, spinning at an almost dizzying speed to face his captain, phone disregarded into his back pocket. “Schao! I thought you’d be at-,”

He’s thankfully able to tune into his perception before he carries on with his train of thought, a subtle movement in his peripheral diverting his gaze to the figure stood to the side of Nico. 

“Talia. Hi.”

“Hi, Jack.” Nico cringes inwardly at how disinterested she sounds. “Luke.” Talia had never really cared for Nico’s teammates - especially not the younger guys like Jack and Luke. She was quick to pass judgement, making comments on their maturity, or apparent lack-thereof, and wasn’t the biggest fan of how close Nico was with the pair. Didn’t like the time or attention he gave them considering the close quarters they lived in, and had always been resentful. She always claimed her English wasn’t good enough to hold a proper conversation with them, but he’d seen her enough around her American friends to know it wasn’t true.

“We’re just meeting up with some of the guys for breakfast.” Jack says, cautiously, in an attempt to fill the silence. The invitation remains unspoken, but Nico can tell in the way the younger boy cocks his head and meets his eye that he’s gauging his current situation for the morning.

“We have plans.” Talia must be able to tell what he was getting at, too and Nico can see Luke’s eyes narrow as soon as the word resonates in his head. Plans. Pre-meditated. Made before she had sprung all of this on him within the last hour or two. Panic stirs within him, and his throat itches to speak the truth, but it’s just not the right time to do so with Talia stood beside him. If he starts getting defensive, she’ll start asking questions, and the boys will have to bear witness to him skirting around the matter of Poppy. 

It’s not a good look no matter which way he swings it. He’s stuck in a thick, dark, tarry mess of not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings but making all the wrong decisions. A minefield of not knowing how to explain himself without raising a million questions on either side, and hoping one of the brothers might toe the line of the boundaries of their relationship and just straight up ask why Talia is here.

He knows he has fucked up without the way neither of them are looking him in the eye.

He knew it the second Poppy’s door had locked behind him this morning - he doesn’t need Luke refusing to meet his gaze, doesn’t need Jack’s shifting side eye to tell him he’s made a mistake. 

“I’ll text you later.” Nico says, mainly to Jack but still trying to meet his brother’s eyes with no luck. It’s an attempt to say something, without saying anything. A silent beg not to jump to conclusions about what they’ve seen - and, although he knows they wouldn’t, not to tell anyone else. Not whichever of the guys they are meeting up with, not anyone else on the team, and definitely not Poppy.

“Yeah, sure,” Jack mutters in a poor attempt to hide his discomfort, and an even worse attempt at masking his relief when the doors ping open on the parking level.

“Have fun with your plans,” Luke huffs out, his tone like a tight fist clutching at Nico’s chest despite his courteous choice of words.

“We will,” Talia forces a smile. Nico gets the feeling she isn’t as oblivious to the tension as he hopes she is.

The four of them separate into their pairs with mumbled goodbyes, Jack and Luke heading off to Luke’s car on one side of the garage, and Nico and Talia heading to his on the other, and Nico can’t even let out a sigh of pseudo-relief before Talia jumps on him.

“That was weird.”

“We broke up, they weren’t expecting to see us together.” He quickly excuses as he starts the car up, turning on the heat and hoping the soft buzz of the air will fill the silence enough that she doesn’t feel the need to talk. 

“It’s been like 3 weeks, most couples get back together after their first breakup.”

Has it only been 3 weeks? He thinks, shuddering at how little time had actually passed between her sending that text and him restoring balance to his life.

“We’re not most couples,” he shrugs, shutting that train of thought immediately as he starts to make his way out of the parking garage, ascending the ramp where the doors open up to reveal the dull beam of the winter morning sun. “You dumped me over text a week before Christmas, we’re not getting back together.”

“Oh yeah, I bet you were real cut up about it,” she jibes, sarcastically. “Probably landed straight in the bed of some desperate puck bunny more than happy to take your mind off of how awful I was to you.”

His mind immediately goes to Poppy, to last night, to her bed - and despite the complete bullshit Talia has fabricated in her head, despite how much he wants to tell her she has it all wrong, he can’t bear to twist himself even further into knots to skirt around mentioning the girl who did make him better.

“We’re not having this conversation right now.” He decides, tapping at the screen in the console of his car until he brings up the navigation. “Put in the address you need, we’re not too far from The Heights.”

The location she enters into the system is for an unassuming condo in a quiet, suburban area. The neighbourhood itself is picturesque, the buildings colourful, the paths lined with trees that seemed to flourish even in the midst of winter, and when Nico pulls up across the street, he notices the amount of families around - parents walking their kids to school and couples with dogs getting their morning steps in. It’s the last place he imagines some hacker to be shacked up, but maybe that’s the point.

He still doesn’t entirely understand the ethical part.

“It’s the one with the red brick and the balcony,” Talia points to the other side of the road as she unbuckles her seatbelt, and Nico looks over at the building as if he’s going to be able to see all the secrets stored within it.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, number 414.” She shows him the messages she has exchanged with the guy, and sure enough, the address matches up. “C’mon, the sooner we get in there, the sooner we can figure this out.”

He follows her across the street, adjusting the cap he wears atop his head and making sure it conceals his identity from anyone with eyesight good enough to catch it, trying to shrug off the discomfort of the whole situation as he waits for someone to pick up the buzzer Talia relentlessly presses.

He hears a different kind of buzz, lighter, like the manual zoom of a camera, and cranes his neck to assess their surroundings as they wait, before he catches sight of the device in the top corner of the porch, facing directly onto them.

He hears the click of a lock as soon as his eyes make contact with the thing, and cautiously tries the handle on the door until it pushes all the way down, letting them into the building. 

The door to the ground floor condo is open, and stood in the entrance is a guy no older than 20, dressed in all black with dark, beady eyes framed by wire-rimmed glasses. If Nico could find it in him to see the humour in the situation, he’d laugh at how he looks like Luke - a mop of curly brown hair, tall with a slim build and ever so slightly poor posture.

He straightens up as the two of them approach, Nico keeping Talia behind him as he assesses the safety of the situation. If they’re being lured into some kind of trap, he could definitely take this guy - he can’t even maintain direct eye contact, never mind manage to subdue a man of Nico’s stature.

“You didn’t tell me you were bringing someone, Talia.”

He’s soft-spoken, his voice ever so nasally, and despite the fact that he’s talking to the girl behind him, his gaze has settled on Nico’s chest.

“My name’s Nico.” He introduces himself, holding out a hand to shake. He thinks he can write him off as a threat, for now, and if making him feel comfortable encourages him to help them, he wants to put him at ease. “

“I know who you are.” He doesn’t shake Nico’s hand. “I’m Myles. Come in.”

Myles doesn’t wait for the two of them, marching back into his place and leaving the door open for Talia and Nico to enter and close behind them. 

Nico isn’t surprised by the space - from his brief encounter with the resident so far, it fits him to a tee; neat, impersonal, furniture that looks fresh out of a catalogue. He follows him over to the corner of his living room, a PC set up with several monitors that he can’t tell are on until they’re standing straight in front of them.

Myles throws himself down into the large swivel chair, spinning until he’s facing the two of them and crossing his arms over his torso with disinterest. “So, nudes?”

Straight to the point. Nico can’t exactly be mad at it.

Talia steps out from behind him, handing her unlocked phone to Myles. “The messages started last week, just after New Years. Straight to my number, not in DMs or anything, but the number doesn’t even come up for me to call it from another phone or anything, just says unknown.”

Myles takes her phone and plugs it into his setup without even looking at whatever she has opened on it, and Nico watches as the screens come alive with mirrors of the device and some other apps that launch as soon as it connects. 

“That’s more helpful than you think, they have to use an app to be able to anonymously text you, makes it easier to identify them.”

The way Myles talks is monotonous and detached, but the way he works is anything but. His fingers move quicker than Nico’s eyes can track on his keyboard, typing away at whatever as different things flash up and leave his screen. It like something straight out of a spy movie.

“So we can find out who it is just from that?” He asks, arms folding over his chest as he watches in almost-awe.

“Not exactly. If it is a hacker, I could identify their signature. Doesn’t mean I could identify them, but we can work around it potentially.”

Talia throws herself down on the couch behind them exasperatedly, sighing loudly and making her displeasure known. “You told me you could track them down, that’s what I’m paying you to do.”

“I told you I could help you, I didn’t say I could specifically track anyone, that’s not how this works.”

“How does it work then?” Nico asks.

Myles wheels his chair to the side to make room for Nico to get closer, and starts walking him through the process, pointing through the different apps he uses and explaining how he uses them. One deciphers which app the person used to message Talia. Once that’s been deduced, he uses another to enter a backdoor into that app’s servers, perusing through them until he finds the account that sent the text, making sure the date, time and then content line up. Once he’s found the account, he can see the other texts sent from it, and a gallery spreads across two screens, with maybe hundreds of pictures, videos, messages and transactions all to or from that same account.

“You’re telling me you have the power to do all this and you don’t use it to like rob banks or something?”

“Ethical hacker, clue’s in the name.” Myles shrugs. Nico looks back to Talia, her jaw set as she picks at her nails out of boredom. It’s probably taken about fifteen minutes for this guy to work an absolute miracle, and she looks like she couldn’t care less. “We use all this information, and the access I have on the server, to shut this dude down and cut his con before he can do it to anyone else.”

“Whoa whoa,” Talia shoots up, “Won’t that make him mad? Make him just post all the photos?”

“I doubt it,” the hacker comments, bringing up a couple of the photos on the screens, some of Talia, some of another girl, making Nico divert his eyes. “They’re not even real.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Excuse me?”

Talia and Nico both question at the same time, leaning in to get a proper look to confirm what is being told to them. The other pictures Myles had brought up, the ones of other girls, are actually kind of the same. The same poses, the same backgrounds, the same outfits, or lack thereof, just different faces and different hair.

“They’re called deep fakes. Photoshop, essentially.” He has that aloof tone to his words again, and Nico can’t quite believe how simple it seems for him to say. “They put a bunch of your pictures into an AI generator and give it instruction, like put this face on a body posed like this or wearing that. I’d assume the video they have is the same.”

“How is that even possible?” Talia gasps, pushing herself forward and snatching the mouse from Myles’ grasp. She clicks into what she assumes is the video, and it starts playing before she can think better of it, thankfully without any sound. 

It’s Talia - that much is obvious from the initial close up of her face - but Nico doesn’t recognise anything else about it. He doesn’t recognise the room she’s in, the bed she’s on, the things she’s doing. He’s never seen this before. It’s definitely not one of the videos she had sent him, and when he looks closer, he realises the little moles on her ribs aren’t even there.

None of it is real.

“You said he sent you the photos? You didn’t realise they weren’t the ones you took?” He can’t conceal the bite in his tone, his brows furrowing as he looks at her in disbelief. She’s flown out here, disrupted his peace, blamed him for blackmailing her, and she can’t even recognise what is or isn’t her own body. 

“They looked real, I-,” Her shock disappears as quickly as it had come about, her mood shifting and a glare all of a sudden being directed at her ex boyfriend. “I wouldn’t have accused you if they didn’t look real, Nico.” She snaps, frowning at him like this is his fault. “You have no idea what it’s like to be threatened like that, I won’t have you blame me for panicking.”

Slivers of guilt seep into his subconscious, and he takes a deep breath, diverting his gaze uneasily and letting out a big sigh.

He knows he should be a little more compassionate, but there’s panicking, and then there’s this.

She had accused him of ruining her life.

“What about the rest of it?” Nico asks, “Like how did he get her number or have my address? You said he had other information?”

“He did,” Talia nods, looking over to Myles.

“The address he probably got when he got your number, and he could have got that from anywhere. Could be something as small as you ordering something online and the store having a data breach, or clicking a link that shared your IP address, and getting your phone information from that.” Myles starts his typing again, keeping a tight grip on his mouse so that it can’t be snatched again. “I could probably find out actually, they’re pretty easy to spot, do you clear your history often?”

“I wouldn’t even know how to do that,”

“Perfect,” Again, his fingertips work at lightening speed, and Nico watches as instagram opens on one of the screens. “Yeah, a DM sent to you from… Devils_tea. You opened a link to a shared drive to upload some pictures, the drive probably had malware and the pictures have location metadata.”

Nico rolls his eyes, that small ebb of pity washing almost completely away, and before Talia can stop him, Myles carries on. “Some of the pictures you sent them are the ones they used for the AI photos, look your face in this one is the exact same as this photo they threatened to leak.”

Nico recognises these photos. The ones that had been plastered all over social media when their relationship had leaked. Pictures of them back in Switzerland, on a weekend trip to Ibiza, selfies of them in his apartment, and even a picture of the two of them with his parents back at his family home in Valais.

He has been far too oblivious to Talia’s games for far too long, he realises. 

Of course she had been the one to leak everything - who else would have had those photos - but he hadn’t even considered it would be her; she had faced the harshest aftermath for it, why would she subject herself to all the subsequent grief that came with people knowing about their relationship?

Thank God for this guy’s lack of social cues, Nico thinks, or he would never have known that for as long as they had been together, she had been violating his revered privacy and trust.

“Nico, that wasn’t-,” Talia’s panic is evident, wide eyes, trembling hands raised in defence, “I must have been hacked,”

“Actually, there’s no-,” Myles begins to interject, fingers working again to fact check, but Nico doesn’t need him to validate what he already knows.

“Shut up,” Talia snarls, with a finger pointed at him, “You don’t know what you’re talking about, we’re done here.” She reaches forward to snatch her phone back, yanking out the wire that connects it to his monitors and throwing it onto the desk. “We’re leaving, and if you think I’m paying you anything, you’re deluded.” 

Talia marches past them and straight out of the condo, slamming every door she possibly can behind her. Nico can only cringe as the sounds of her stomping footsteps echo until they fade out - until she’s probably outside and waiting for him back at his car.

“Doesn’t she want me to shut this thing down?”

“I’ll pay you.” Nico sighs, reaching into his pocket for his phone and trying to push down the feeling that arises when he’s met with a blank lock screen.

Poppy hasn’t messaged him. 

Not that he deserves for her to make it easy, to let him off the hook and pretend he hasn’t royally fucked things up with her.

“If you stop him, does he still have all the photos? He could still release them?”

“Yeah, but they’re pretty easy to validate as fakes, especially when you have the source material. I don’t think this guy is sophisticated enough for a full blown hack into her phone for the real thing. I couldn’t find evidence of any breach of her cloud or her device.”

Nico nods, but the information does little to quell the anxiety that squeezes his chest in a vice-like grip. 

This whole morning has been nothing but a giant waste of his time. From the second his eyes opened, to this moment right now, he’s made nothing but mistakes.

Not putting his phone on sleep mode before he and Poppy went to bed had been a mistake. Taking Talia’s call had been a mistake. Not waking Poppy up had been a mistake. Leaving without a note, without a text, leaving at all - it had all been one error after another, and all he has left to do is face up to the fact.

He can’t do anything to dwindle the panic rousing in every fibre of his being, the scarring marks left by torturous lashings of regret that whip at his skin.

He’s never felt so ashamed of himself, in such disbelief at his own decisions.

Why didn’t he just wake her?

She’s the most level-headed, acceptable person he knows. She would have understood. He hadn’t had a reasonable explanation at the time, and he doesn’t really have one now - but she would have accepted it, whatever he could have told her, she would have listened, waited until he could give her more.

He needs to see her, to explain, before it’s too late.

If he thinks about the feeling settling in his stomach, if he can compare it to anything, it’s like running from a blazing inferno of doubt and insecurity, licks of fire racing to catch up to him, the soles of his feet pressing into the sizzling ground - and Poppy is the cool embrace of safety.

She is light cracking through a window he just needs to break through to make it out.

If he can get to her quick enough, if he runs, and runs, maybe he’ll make it before he’s jiggling at a red hot handle that won’t move, won’t give, won’t budge.

If he can just talk to her, maybe the morning from hell will be outweighed by the days of resilience, weeks of efforts, years of loving her in whatever capacity, and the promise of something better.

He just needs to get rid of Talia.

The car journey back to his apartment is carried out in a deafening silence. She had tried to talk to him when he’d made his way out of Myles’ condo, when he had found her waiting by his Mercedes with crossed arms and a sour look on her face, but he’d told her he didn’t want to hear it, that they’d deal with it in private.

He hardly wanted a showdown with her in the middle of the street.

And so, she sat in his passenger seat, jaw set, glaring out the window and letting out the occasional huff or puff for attention that he wasn’t entertaining.

The elevator ride up to his place had been the same. Silent, filled with the type of tension you could cut with a knife, and all he could do was ignore her continued petulance and take deep breaths to calm himself down. In through his nose, out through his mouth, overlooking the way she tapped her foot in his peripheral vision, and almost audibly rolled her eyes every few seconds. 

“Would it have killed you to defend me in there?” She scoffs as soon as the door closes behind them in his apartment, “You just let him accuse me of all that stuff and completely invade my privacy!”

Nico screws his eyes shut and pinches the bridge of his nose.

He can’t blow up, can’t stoop to her level. He won’t feel good after the fact. He knows how Talia operates, should have known she’d immediately play the victim card, and he isn’t falling into the trap of arguing to the point of being in the wrong.

He’ll say something he regrets and she’ll use it to her advantage, somehow.

“You asked him to go through your phone, Talia.” He sighs, making his way over to the kitchen and getting himself some water. Chugging at it does little to soothe the burning feeling prickling at the back of his mouth, or the itch of his tongue to spit out a scathing retort. “He’s shut down the guy behind it, he can’t message you or anyone else with any more threats, you should be happy.”

“I should be happy?” She follows him wherever he tries to get away, crowding his space and jabbing a pointed finger into his arm. “You have no idea what I’ve been going through this past week. I thought my career was over! How was I supposed to know it was fake?”

“You didn’t even look at the pictures-,”

“Because I was panicking! I was upset, you can’t expect me to be able to recognise what’s been photoshopped when I’m scared like that!”

“But you can fly straight over here and pin the blame on me for ruining your life? You weren’t too upset to point the finger, Talia,”

“Don’t be an asshole, Nico, it doesn’t suit you.” 

“I’m being the asshole? You don’t even care about the trail of destruction you leave behind you, do you? You send private pictures of us, of me, of my family to random people online who you don’t even know, for what, Talia? For money?”

“I don’t need their money-,”

“So it was just for the attention? You get to parade our relationship around like it means nothing more to you than a title, and once you get your fifteen minutes and a few more instagram followers, you just jet back home and dump me over a text?”

“Oh my God,” she cries, flailing her arms dramatically, following him yet again as he makes his way into his living room, picking her stuff up after her that she had discarded here before they left and throwing it into her travel bag. “Stop playing the victim, for Christ’s sake, you’re hardly heartbroken over it. I know for a fact you’ve been hooking up with someone, one of the girls messaged me that they saw you leave a party with her on New Years!”

“So that’s what this is?” Nico snaps, pointing to her, to her stuff, “You think I’m moving on so you fly back out here and spring this bullshit on me, try to make me feel bad?”

“You have some nerve, Nico,” Talia scoffs, folding her arms across her chest and levelling him with a darkened glare.

“I have nerve? You’re the one who broke up with me out of nowhere and think that you can just march back here and make demands, Talia, blaming me for something that was entirely your own doing.” He’s getting sick of walking on egg shells around the topic. If she hadn’t have been messaging people she wasn’t supposed to, this would never have happened - it’s no one’s fault but her own, and as harsh as it may be, he wants to wash his hands of the whole thing. “Calling me in the middle of the night, telling me I ruined your life, saying I need to give you money?”

“Out of nowhere?” Of course she would only pick up on that, he thinks. “My God, you are so self-absorbed.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Do you think that dating you is easy?” She questions with a measured step toward him. “Do you think I want to spend my life waiting around for my boyfriend, only for him to only ever come home grumpy,” another step, “Or whiny,” and another, “Or too tired and achey to do anything? And that’s when you do come home at all and aren’t half way across the country with the communication skills of a candle. It’s a constant uphill battle trying to get even a second of your attention, Nico, so God forbid I tried to gain some kind of advantage from being with you.”

Her words are starting to cut, but he tries not to react, tries not to bite back. He can count several ways in which she gained an advantage being with him, just off the top of the head - a girl like Talia is never shy of attention. Her courting gossip blogs and sending them private information is probably just scraping the barrel of the ploys she made for exposure while she was with him.

“I didn’t break up with you out of nowhere, I put up with you and the whole circus that comes with you for months, but God, is it exhausting being with you.”

“You knew what you were getting into, Talia. You knew my job, knew my life.” They had met initially through mutual friends - hockey friends of his back home, even - and she has other friends who happen to be wives or girlfriends of athletes. She can’t say she came into the relationship completely oblivious to the downsides of dating a professional player.

“Not really,” she shrugs, “All the other guys can find some sort of balance, but not you. All the other girls get a proper boyfriend, someone who spends time doing what they want to do, who sticks up for them when their psycho fans start to turn on them, who doesn’t keep them hidden away like some dirty secret.”

“That isn’t fair, I can’t control that stuff, Talia, it’s not my fault.” He wants to point out that she was the one engaging in their gossip and riling them up, but he can’t keep harping on about something she refuses to acknowledge. He doesn’t have the time, patience or energy for it anymore.

The initial ‘leaking’ of their relationship had caused their first major fight. Fans online had somehow - although Nico can now hazard a guess as to how - found out about the two of them, had dug into Talia, her background, her family, her job, and had found some pretty toxic posts on her social media. They had been old posts, and she had told Nico that wasn’t the kind of person she was anymore - and he had no reason not to believe her, had never seen or heard her act in the ways she had online in what she called her misguided youth - but someone in the PR department at the Devils had cottoned onto the topic, and had warned Nico of speaking out in her defence when the pitchforks started to raise.

He’d told her he supported her, but he couldn’t do so publicly - not without upsetting people within the organisation he had worked so hard to gain the respect of - and she had told him she understood. They hadn’t been together that long, it would have been a little unreasonable for him to put her above his work in the ways she was expecting, but she clearly doesn’t see it that way, now.

“Maybe not, but if I’d have known that being with you meant having my life invaded, my career ruined, I never would have followed you back here, Nico.” She sounds more solemn now - regretful, even - and as deep as her words cut, she says it like a piece of advice, “I just hope whatever poor girl you’ve got tangled up in your mess this time knows what she’s getting herself into.”

“And what’s that?” His throat feels tight as he speaks all of a sudden, his resolve in defending himself fading, and he tries to gulp down whatever lump is forming there but the feeling doesn’t budge.

This is what she’s good at.

Turning the tables. Reducing him to uncertainty of himself, of his actions, of his memory of their time together.

“A one-sided relationship with a guy who will never be able to put her first.”

There’s a point in every game he has ever had the misfortune of losing, as the seconds count down in the final third, where he has to come to terms with the fact that there’s no possible way for him to win. It’s sort of comparable to the way his insides churn when he’s on a plane and it drops into descent, like his body is falling at a different speed to his surroundings, or the feeling he gets in his gut when he’s hiking, and he dares to take a peek over the edge of whatever mountainside he’s trekking up, where his body can predict the fall, and his mind has set on there being nothing he can do about it.

This feels like all those feelings.

“Whoever she is, and I know she exists, she doesn’t deserve that. It’s not fair.”

Nico’s heart pounds in his chest, echoing and thrumming in his ears until all he can hear is the beat reverberating, ricocheting around his skull.

He can put Poppy first.

So many parts of their lives are intertwined, it would be so easy to make it work. They work together, they live close, he speaks to her more than he speaks to anyone else in his circle. They’ve spent more time together as friends than he has with any other girlfriend he’s had.

He’s wanted her for years, of course he can do it.

Except, deep down, he knows he can’t. Being in a committed relationship with someone is an entirely different ball game to a friendship, no matter how close he and Poppy have been over the years.

He knows there’ll come a point soon into the season where he has to knuckle down and focus, can’t let anything or anyone distract him, and he’ll close himself off. It’s what he has always done. He gets in his head, starts to carry too much weight that he can’t shift until that final buzzer blows - and he can only hope that it happens with his team in the playoffs. Winning, thriving, succeeding. And for that to happen, he can’t prioritise anything other than the game he’s already dedicated his life to, his training, and most importantly, his team.

It isn’t about what he wants.

What have you done? He thinks, his chest aching.

Talia is right.

Poppy doesn’t deserve that.

She doesn’t deserve him only being there in the physical sense, if she even gets that at all. Doesn’t deserve him getting snappy and stressed, doesn’t deserve him not being able to give her time, or give her attention or affection like he wants to, or like she’s worthy of.

“I need to go.” He manages to choke out with a shake of his head, shouldering past her to pick up his jacket - needing to be out of this conversation and away from Talia. “Leave the keys, I don’t want you here when I get back.”

He needs to see Poppy.

He never should have left her - he wishes with everything in him that he had soaked up the time he had with her before everything came tumbling down around him. And somewhere deep within him, there is a fragile, wilting piece of hope that clings to the belief he can make things right. He just needs her to hone in on it. If anyone can reach into the deepest cracks of his insecurities, can show him he’s overthinking things and everything is not as hopeless as he has made it out to be, it will be Poppy.

Poppy

The first time Poppy had ever fallen asleep beside Nico was at a movie night in Jack’s old apartment he shared with Ty Smith. Jack had invited more people round than could reasonably fit in their living room, and so everyone was smushed in - each chair and every inch of floor space used to its full capacity. 

Nico had attempted to save Poppy a space, to give him credit. He had scowled at each of his teammates who tried to throw themselves down in the tiny slot beside him - prime space, corner of the comfiest couch, facing the tv directly, a small table to the side where one could keep their drinks and snacks - only, by the time Poppy got there, he had barely gotten away with man-spreading to make room, so the small section of the couch between Nico and the arm rest had become her designated spot.

It was cosy, to put it nicely. He had to swing his arm over the back so that she wasn’t being assaulted by the hard dig of his shoulder with every laugh, and her closest leg was pretty much on top of his for most of the film.

She’d known the guys for almost a year - had been working in media, attending every game, home and away, and had integrated herself into the group pretty closely - and she felt pretty comfortable around everyone.

It wasn’t the kind of dynamic she had anticipated falling into when she first got the job with the Devils. She was supposed to start getting serious about her life - cracking down on mingling with co-workers and throwing herself into new social circles, and focusing on building a career for herself, climbing through the ranks and attaining the kind of success and happiness she could shove in her family’s disapproving faces - but the guys had charmed her.

Jack had been somewhat relentless in his pursuit of Poppy’s friendship. He rarely took no for an answer when it came to inviting her out. He was new to New Jersey - a much younger player in a slightly older team - and his rookie season had been rough, so it came naturally to Poppy to want to provide comfort. She introduced him to some of her friends, showed him her favourite spots close to his apartment, found him a decent barber, picked up extra fruit whenever she went to the farmers market near her parent’s house and took it over to his and Ty’s place when she came back home so she could mother him into having his 5-a-day as if he didn’t have access to the best nutrition coaches in the country. Despite her best efforts, Jack had weaselled his way under her skin in the way only a brother could.

Nico’s charm was entirely different.

Nico’s charm came in the form of convenience at first - in the oh I live that way, I can drive you and I have some time, I can do some media stuff for you type of way. Convenience blended into companionship - I haven’t eaten either, we should go for lunch together and I’ve been wanting to watch that movie, do you want to watch it with me?

It turned into grabbing food together, even on days neither of them were working - breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, even coffee or sometimes drinks if they could meet up with the rest of the team. It turned into him spending time at her place, whether it was helping her paint her apartment, putting up her new wardrobes, or just binging whatever crazy long series Poppy had decided to start over from the beginning - she provided him with a sense of familiarity and calm he couldn’t really find in anyone else he had met in his time in the states. She became his person, his home away from home, away from home.

And he became hers. 

There wasn’t as much she had to escape; her job not as strenuous, the expectations of her not as high, but when things built up for her - when her mother became overbearing, or her latest endeavour into a relationship crashed and burned - Nico was there. He’d make sure she had a distraction, made sure she was looking after herself, and, in turn, would look after her as well. He made sure she got home safe on nights out, or when they returned from a roadie and landed late - he would always make sure to see her off into the comfort of her own home before he went back to his own. 

And that first time she’d fallen asleep beside him, he’d done the same.

He’d wrapped an arm around her to make her as comfortable as possible for as long as he could, and when the movie had finished - when her face was burrowed into the side of his chest, soft snores falling from between her lips - he gently drew her back to consciousness with his hand stroking at her cheek.

She’d been a little startled, hand shooting up to wipe at her chin and thankful she hadn’t been drooling on him - although with the easy smile he was giving her, she had thought he of all people wouldn’t have minded. 

“Movie’s done, do you need a ride home?” His voice had been low and soft as not to worsen her apparent disorientation, and his hand was still lingering by the side of her face.

She had nodded, blinking away her sleepiness, and working her way up from the couch and onto her feet, stretching out her muscles as Nico did the same.

The two of them bid their goodbyes to the rest of the guys, made their way together to Nico’s car, and he had driven her back to her apartment, chatting on the drive about work and training. 

Poppy had been cramming to prepare for her interview for the Foundation at the time - had been getting herself seriously worked up, staying up late, getting up early, barely allowing herself any time for anything fun - and Nico had seen right through her. 

He’d stopped her before she got out of the car, had held her hand, rubbing at her knuckles with his thumb, and had told her that she should get some proper rest, and that she was going to absolutely rock their world in her interview in a few days time. And, knowing she was going to ignore any instruction he gave to make herself some decent dinner and go to bed early, had ordered her favourite Japanese takeout to be delivered a good half an hour after she got inside, with a text that followed telling her to sleep straight after she had finished.

She’d never expected to drift asleep with him on Jack’s couch - had never expected to open her eyes to the sight of his looking so warmly back at her.

And she hadn’t expected the same thing this morning, because, as her eyes drifted open to the intrusive light peaking through the cracks in her curtains, it wasn’t the first time she had woken up.

The first time had been to subdued movements, a slight groan of her bed frame, and the soft pattering of footsteps leading away. It had been to a hushed voice, the creak of her bathroom door, the flush of a toilet and the uttering of a name she had hoped she would never have to worry about again.

Talia.

The rest of his words had been uttered in his own language, but that she could understand.

She had acted purely on fight or flight instinct, laying back and pretending she was asleep - although as soon as she did, she regretted it, her mind racing at the million and one other possibilities she could have gone with. Sitting up, waiting for him to come out and asking him what was going on being the most rational.

But when had she ever gone with the most rational thought?

She tried not to react as she felt his presence, felt the soft press of his lips to her skin, or the placement of her bunny in her arms. Tried not to follow him as soon as he departed her bedroom, beg him to come back and whatever was going on could wait until the proper turn of the morning. Tried not to get up and go after him when the click of the lock to her main door echoed throughout the empty apartment.

And she tried not to cry as she laid in bed, overthinking herself back to sleep, thoughts racing to the point of exhaustion, and hoping when she woke up again it had just been a god-awful dream.

But it hadn’t.

The spot beside her in bed is empty, not even a crease in the pillow to prove he was ever there - only the t-shirt of his she still adorned, the one that when she takes a deep inhale, still smells like him, and the distinct aching between her thighs.

She finds more evidence of their night together in the bathroom, where she undresses herself with sore muscles and glances in the mirror to see the spattering of purple marks forming on her chest and neck. Her fingers trace over them lightly, her fleeting touch bringing vivid images forth of his lips pressing to her skin, practically able to feel the pressure of her flesh being nipped and bitten again.

He had been so attentive to her - so in tune with what she needed and wanted, and so ready to give her whatever that may be. He’d been gentle at some points, and purposeful at others, and every little thing he did, he did it with sweet disposition.

The kind of man who treats a girl like that doesn’t just leave her in the dead of night with no good reason, right?

Her mind races despite her body going into auto-pilot throughout her morning routine. Her shower is over in the flash of an eye, she strips her bed, starts her laundry, makes herself some tea and gets herself dressed - all the while weighing out all the possibilities of what could have taken him away from her, and what she would be able to understand. 

That quickly turns to her imagining the worst, and a tight, constricting feeling starts to consume her chest. 

There isn’t a single part of her apartment she can get away from the thoughts buzzing around her brain - her kitchen marred with the memory of what had happened on the counter, her couch, her bedroom, her bathroom - all carrying distinct memories of Nico that she needs to bench until she knows the truth.

She mistakenly thinks her escape might lie in her phone. There might be a text there waiting, explaining everything and relieving all the anxiety that has welled up in her very core.

Nia’s warnings from the night before don’t ring quick enough in her mind as the screen comes to life, the immediate barrage of notifications flooding in.

2 missed calls from Mom

Mom: Just calling to remind you of proper table etiquette in case it has slipped your mind, I won’t have you embarrass me in front of a Lyon.

Mom: Cutlery going from the outside in, hold your wine glass by the stem and dab with your napkin, don’t swipe!

Mom: Also let the man tuck your chair in and pay the bill, this 21st century woman nonsense is very unbecoming!

Mom: And I don’t want to have to bring this up but for the love of God, Poppy, have some class. I don’t want to hear mutterings of your promiscuity at the next luncheon.

Whoever taught her mom to text deserves a prison sentence, she thinks.

Tucker Lyon standing a girl up and ghosting her attempts to contact him is what’s unbecoming, not her trying to pay her half of the meal.

She can picture her mother as she reads the texts, sipping on her Manhattan on the couch in the great room, her dad already having retreated to bed at that time, and her having nothing better to do than sit and stew on her daughter’s sex life.

If she knew what was really going down last night, her mom would probably have a conniption.

Knowing she’ll no doubt be getting a call later that evening, Poppy swipes away at her text thread with her mom, immediately checking the notifications she hasn’t long received from her best friend.

Nia: hey if you happen to release yourself from Nico’s wandering hands at all today me and Kelsey are grabbing breakfast by my work!!

Nia: if you need refuelling we’ll be at Marco’s at 9 😘 

Perfect. Therein lies her escape. Breakfast with her best friends, where they can hopefully talk her down from the ledge she’s precariously placed herself on.

A catch up with her girls, and then she can distract herself with work.

Poppy: I’ll be there!!

“Hasn’t he text you or anything?” Nia asks, covering her mouth as she chews on her breakfast bagel, the three girls sat around a table inside their favourite cafe close to Nia’s office.

When Poppy and Nia had first moved in together, they rented an apartment in Hoboken, not too far, and their tradition of grabbing breakfast at Marco’s carried on despite Poppy living further down the river and working even further away in Newark. 

Kelsey had lived in Manhattan at that time, but she stayed over so often with the other girls that she practically spent majority of her week there, and so Poppy and Nia’s routine became hers.

Poppy had given the two of them a brief rundown of her night with Nico, a safe-for-work version of events, all leading up to the mysterious early morning phone call and swift departure.

“Nope,” she sighs, swiping to refresh her messages as if she hasn’t put her phone on loud just to be alerted when he does reach out.

“Have you text him?”

“Nope,” she repeats, putting the phone down and leaning back in her chair, running a hand through her already messed up hair. She’s going to have to throw it up if she wants to look any sort of presentable when she gets to work later.

“Is he usually this pathetic at communicating?” Kelsey asks, manicured nails swiping at a bunch of Sweet’n Lows like she’s trying to play Tetris with the packets. 

Kelsey hasn’t met Nico before, not that Poppy can remember.

Despite considering her one of her closest friends, their personal lives have never quite intertwined like that - not like hers and Nia’s.

In college, things were different. They were coming into their own together, figuring out just what they wanted their personal lives to be, and so Kelsey, Poppy and Nia would all share pretty much everything, just to have someone there to validate their feelings.

But that changed once they graduated.

Kelsey moved in with her boyfriend, Liam - who just so happens to be Poppy’s idea of hell-spawn.

The kind of guy her mother would probably love.

Liam worked on Wall Street, couldn’t go five minutes of conversation without talking about stocks or investment funds. His native language was risky money moves and belittling remarks, and he treated Kelsey like an accessory to parade around in public and discard in private.

Poppy had tried a few times to open Kelsey’s eyes to the way that it was, but it soon became apparent that she had to let her friend make her own mistakes, and some parts of their lives didn’t have to cross over.

They broke up around Thanksgiving, and Poppy had tried with all her might not to show her relief, but it has made her somewhat resentful when it comes to other relationships - like no one can be happy if she isn’t.

She knows it isn’t malicious, but she restrains from letting Kelsey all the way in, all the same.

“Not really,” Poppy lies, not wanting to clue her in on the Big Freezewhere he didn’t speak to her for months on end. It doesn’t entirely help her case. “I just don’t get why he’d sneak out to see her of all people, he told me they weren’t ever that solid, that he wasn’t happy with her.”

“Ooh, what if she’s pregnant?” Kelsey is entirely oblivious to the horrific realm of possibility she has just opened Poppy up to, evidenced by the casual chuckle and subsequent sip of her coffee. “Maybe she’s back to baby-trap him.”

Poppy thinks she would have to flee the state.

Nico is a family guy - if Talia is pregnant, he’d force himself to love her again, if he ever even stopped, for the sake of their gorgeous brown eyed, floppy haired baby, and push Poppy to the side just like he had before. And she’ll have to watch him from the sidelines, yearning for what she had just managed to touch the tips of her fingers to before it was violently yanked from her grasp. 

Maybe she’d have to flee the country even - move somewhere remote where she doesn’t even have the chance of being reminded of hockey, let alone of him.

Somewhere with no coffee shops that she’d enter, and the smell of fresh pastries would remind her of all the breakfasts they had together. No railways, where she’d be reminded of his love for model trains every time she came across the tracks. No weird club music that he loves so much, or dorky wizard franchises he chastises her for never having seen.

Maybe Antarctica. They only have penguins there. No real civilisation that she knows of. No brown haired, dark eyed Swiss Gods with deep, honeyed voices that make her knees weak and dimpled smiles that do even worse.

She wouldn’t be able to cope with losing him like that, living her life in an endless mental cycle of what ifs and maybes.

“Kelsey, I beg of you to read the room,” Nia chastises, swatting the girl on her arm before taking Poppy’s hand in her own. “Don’t listen to her, she just wants us all to be single at the same time.”

“Sue me for wanting to have fun! It would be just like college, you and me full-body plunging into the dating pool. Imagine the chaos, Pop, you don’t wanna be tied down to a guy hung up on his ex right now.”

“Dating pool?” Nia scoffs, turning to glare at her, “You’re hardly dry from your last relationship.”

“I’d rather be a grape than a raisin, Ni.” Kelsey chides back, and Poppy can’t help the twitch of her lips at the horrific comparison. 

“You’re really gonna listen to a girl who says that?” Nia asks, unable to mask the glint of humour in her eyes, and Kelsey bites back a smile, too.

Despite the ache in her chest at the thought of any of it - of Nico leaving her this morning, filling her up with empty words and false promises, potentially knocking up an ex girlfriend he is still secretly hung up on even though he told her otherwise - she manages to crack a full smile.

“You are terrible at analogies, Kels,” Poppy tries to hide the grin behind her cup, sipping at her tea and letting the warmth of it soothe the pain in her throat. 

“I’m trying to encourage you to be a strong, independent woman here!”

“She is a strong, independent woman,” Nia defends, “She also happens to be a chronic over-thinker with a deep seated fear of confrontation.”

“I don’t fear confrontation.”

“Then why are we here chit-chatting about hypothetical scenarios when you could just text him and ask what’s up?”

“Maybe ‘cause that’s scary?” Poppy scoffs, only half joking. “What am I supposed to say, hey I just so happened to eavesdrop on your private conversation before you fled my apartment this morning, and despite me not understanding most of it, I definitely heard you mention someone, so could you just let me know if your gorgeous model ex girlfriend is pregnant with your perfect specimen baby?”

“Sounds like you’ve got it all figured out, you don’t even need us.”

Poppy rolls her eyes.  

She could text him. Could be casual about it, a good morning or even an are you okay? Those don’t warrant the alarm bells she’s afraid of raising - the ones that blare out with the siren sound of run, this girl is unhealthily attached to you already!

But she doesn’t want to be the pathetic girl chasing after the guy sending her clear messages that he doesn’t want her.

It’s easier said than done not to overthink the whole thing - not to second guess everything he had said, or everything she had done last night.

She feels like she had rushed things. It was so impulsive, so charged, and after spending the majority of her week away from him, she just hadn’t been able to help herself. And that makes her feel like a hypocrite. She had told him that night he had first kissed her that things between them had gotten intense. It had been the whole reason for spending a few days outside of each other’s company, and in the first possible instance, she had thrown herself at him.

It was desperate.

And maybe that scared him.

It sure as hell scares her.

“I don’t know what to do,” She groans, throwing her head into her hands and scrunching her eyes shut to try and drown out the endless doubt. 

She feels two hands rub at either sides of her back, “Listen, Pop,” Nia is the first to attempt to console her, as always, and Poppy holds her breath for the harsh reality check she’s about to throw her way. “You know I am the one person who would usually be trying to convince you to cut your losses and run when it comes to guys who are no good, but this is Nico. I’ve watched the two of you ignore your feelings for far too long to let you get in your own way, now.

“And you’re forgetting I saw him last night, before you got there, there isn’t a chance in Hell he would have left you like that without a good reason. I don’t for a second think he’s still hung up on her.” Nia casts a side eye to Kelsey.

The only problem is that Poppy isn’t sure there’s a reason good enough. Not when it comes to Talia. Not when the memory of those months of radio silence is still so fresh for her.

“I have to go to work in a building where his face is plastered everywhere, Ni, I can hardly forget his entire existence until he deems me worthy of an explanation. Who leaves after a night like that without even a note or a text?”

“An idiot,” Kelsey mutters around her drink, rolling her eyes when Nia sends her another death-glare.

“I’m not asking you to forget, I’m telling you to wait.” Nia frowns, but her tone remains consoling and warm. “You need to stop letting what this thinks,” she flicks at Poppy’s forehead, “Get in the way of what this knows.” She points to her chest on the left side. “You know him. You know how much he likes you.”

She does.

She knows Nico, she trusts him.

She can only judge him based on his actions so far - the ones that tell her that he cares. He leads with his heart, it’s his most attractive attribute. He’s gentle and loving and she needs to focus on those things over anything else.

“Ugh, corny,” Kelsey drags, and despite her repeated efforts to discourage her, Poppy knows she isn’t being entirely serious. “If he has any non-stupid hot athlete friends though, I’m first in line when the two of you kiss and make up for double dates.”

Guilt pricks slightly at Poppy’s chest - for making her recently single friend sit here and listen to her complain about something so monumentally small compared to the breakdown of the long-term relationship Kelsey had just endured. Even if it was perceivably toxic.

“You’d make such a good WAG, Kels.”

It’s a poor attempt to make up for it, but it seems to console her friend all the same, a giant grin breaking out and flashing her perfect pearly whites.

“I know.”

Poppy tries to distract herself with work. Tries to make her way through her inbox of seemingly never ending emails and her list of ever-growing tasks. She types up lengthy responses, puts together a presentation, makes a bunch of phone calls she’s been putting off for God knows how long, sorts all her invoices out - she even sends a fax. In the year 2024. It’s her most productive work day she thinks she’s ever had.

She zeroes in on the ground every time she moves through the building. Ignores the pictures that line the walls of the Rock, pushes down the memories of all the times she’s walked these very halls by Nico’s side, and she thinks she’s done just about enough to clear her mind for the time being.

She hasn’t thought up some heart wrenching scenario in at least an hour by the time she’s wrapping up for the day.

She’s making her way back to her office after dropping some files off for Elaine when she catches sight of a mop of curls over the top of the chair by her desk.

Luke is sat in her chair when she enters, swivelling around and staring at the ceiling.

“You’re gonna make yourself sick doing that, you know.”

“You’re such a mom,” he scoffs, standing up and clearly trying not to sway, “You ever tried having fun? I think I saw a glue stick on a table out there,” he points through the door into the wider office space, where there are a few, less private cubicles and a common area. “We should go sniff them, let loose a little.”

“Is that why you’re here on your day off? To huff glue?”

“Yeah, I don’t get to let loose enough. Being a rookie in the NHL is hard, Poppy,”

“Bummer for you.” She pouts, mockingly, swerving past him as he rounds her desk and sits on the other side, flicking at the bobblehead version of his older brother that stands by her computer. “If you’re chasing a high can you do it with one of the other departments, it’s not a good look for the Youth Foundation.”

“I won’t tell if you don’t.”

When Luke had first joined the Devils, she hadn’t expected that she would warm to him the way she has - but, surprisingly enough, considering the fact they’re brothers, their relationship recently has started to mirror her and Jack’s.

Luke is funny. He’s sarcastic and a little silly, and it can be nice to have him around when work gets a little stressful. He doesn’t let the pressures of his own career outweigh those of hers, and, despite the gap in age, she actually enjoys his company.

But he never seeks her out like this.

Their interactions have always started through other people. Group conversations that dwindle to just the two of them, or he usually accompanies Jack to bug her and carries on when Jack’s ever-so-busy schedule takes him elsewhere.

She can’t think of another time he’s just shown up in her office alone.

Especially on his incredibly rare day off.

“Why are you actually here?” She asks, casting a suspicious but half-playful glare his way as she starts to pack up her things. 

“Came to see if you wanted to join us for dinner.”

“Aw Lukey,” she reaches over her desk to pinch his cheek, “I’m flattered and all but I’m a little too old for you.”

“Ha ha,” he swats her hand away, “Us. Me and Jack. Maybe a couple of the others if they’re free but you can pick where we go if you make a decision quickly, we were thinking a steakhouse.”

She narrows her eyes at him, expecting him to crack a joke about her being old, but he just looks back at her awaiting a response. “Why?” She drags out the question, her movements stopping completely.

“Maybe ‘cause humans need sustenance to live? What do you mean, why?”

“Why would you want me to tag along on your bro date?”

“Don’t call it a bro date,” Luke cringes, “Just remembered you were working today and we were in the area, don’t know why you’re being weird about it.”

“You’re being weird. You guys never let me choose where we eat. Don’t you remember that time we grabbed dinner when you guys drove me home and Jack told me to stop being a pussy about my seafood allergy ‘cause he wanted sushi.”

“Don’t blame me for the crimes of my brother, Poppy, he was obviously joking.”

“I had to eat tofu, Luke, I don’t find that very funny.”

“Are you coming or not?”

“That depends, how do you have your steak?”

“Well done.”

“Oh! Then absolutely not.”

“Remind me never to try to be nice to you again.” He scowls as they make their way out of her office, and she locks up behind the two of them.

“Gladly, it’s creeping me out.” She grabs at his elbow before he can carry on, stopping him in the otherwise empty common area where she knows no one is around to listen in. “Is something going on, seriously?”

Luke rolls his eyes, but she knows him well enough that it’s only done in an attempt to avert from her gaze. 

Bingo. He’s hiding something.

“I just thought you might want some company.” He shrugs, shoving his hands into his pockets and twisting his lips to keep from saying much more.

“Why?”

If Poppy wanted to spend her life getting a straight answer out of people for a living, she’d have become an interrogator. What is it with these guys and their inability to answer a simple question?

“Jack said you left the party last night with Nico.”

Poppy’s eyebrows scrunch so close together that she can feel a deep crease form between them. What on earth does that have to do with asking her to dinner? Or being overly nice to her?

Unless-

“You’ve seen him?”

“This morning.”

“Oh.”

All of her efforts from throughout the day seem to have been for nothing - an immediate rush of insecurities flooding her mind.

Where did he see him? What did he say? Was he okay? Was Talia there?

She feels like she can gauge an answer from the way Luke looks. Sheepish, almost, like he doesn’t want to say something he knows will hurt her feelings.

She had to have been with him. He wouldn’t just show up to her office like this if it wasn’t something that would seriously hurt.

She wishes she wasn’t the kind of person who did this - who filled in the gaps of conversations and always came out with the worst possible outcomes - but she can’t help it. She’s been doing it all her life, and there’s rarely ever an instance where her instincts have led her astray.

She knows it’s some weird part of her mind protecting her, but she needs to do something here. Nia’s words from earlier ring like a warning. Don’t let what her brain thinks get in the way of what her heart knows.

Her heart knows Nico wanted her. Knows Nico liked her. Knows Nico wouldn’t do anything to hurt her.

She needs to figure things out for herself and stop running, stop letting her mind fill in the gaps of a situation it can’t even comprehend to begin with.

She reaches her arms around Luke’s shoulders, stretching up on her tip toes to pull him into a hug before rubbing her knuckles into his curls, affectionately.

Luke Hughes is sarcastic and silly, and he cares enough about her to not want her to be alone if she’s going through something.

“Thank you for the offer, Luke, but I’ll be alright.”

“Are you sure?”

She nods, a tender smile tugging at the corners of her stubborn lips. It takes over her face, eyes glinting fondly and cheeks warming. 

“Yeah, you can walk me to my car if you’re that worried about me though.” She loops her arm through his elbow as they make their way to the parking lot, and when they get there, he makes sure she’s in her car and has set off before him and Jack leave.

As if her day can’t get any worse, the elevator in her building is cordoned off with tape and a sign when she gets home, and she has never regretted moving up a floor as much as she does when she’s trudging up 6 flights of stairs.

She’s exhausted. Emotionally and physically, and she just wants to throw herself into bed and pretend the last 24 hours were a terrible dream.

Only, as she rounds the final corner to get to her door, any hopes of that go straight down the pan when her eyes land on Nico, standing in front of her door with his hands buried in his jacket pocket.

He looks tired too - hair messed where he’s no doubt been taking his cap on and off for however long he’s been stood here, running a hand through the tresses until they’re all askew. 

His shoulders are slumped, and he doesn’t even greet her with that pretty smile he usually gives her.

His lips do curve up a touch - limp and half-hearted, not even enough for a dimple to form - but it doesn’t provide the comfort she had thought it would.

She feels anxious. A culmination of the day’s emotions washing over in one go. Sad, regretful, nervous, disappointed - all things she shouldn’t be used to feeling when it comes to Nico, but are all too familiar when she takes the last few months into account.

“Hi.” She gives a weak smile of her own.

“Can we talk?”

She wishes he’d have just said hi, back. That might have relieved the tightness in her chest just a little.

Nothing good ever comes of can we talk?

He steps aside as she approaches, maintaining a safe distance as she opens the door and enters her apartment.

The Nico from yesterday might have brushed past her, the graze of an arm or a lingering hand, but this Nico doesn’t. He barely even meets her eye.

He closes the door behind himself, watching as she discards her bag and keys to the console table on the side, and while she’s turned away from him, she tries to let whatever emotions need to come out cross her features where he can’t see them.

She needs to be cool about this, she thinks.

If she doesn’t get her back up, doesn’t get agitated, she won’t scare him off.

“Are you okay?” She asks once she’s turned to face him, not liking how he stands unmoving by the door. He hasn’t made any effort to settle in - his jacket still on and his hands still hidden in the pockets.

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?”

She realises now that she can get a good look at him that the expression he wears is one of shame. Guilt. Apprehension. She needs to be careful and toe the line before he gets consumed by it, she realises.

She steps toward him a little, and he doesn’t back up - not immediately, not obviously - but he hardly welcomes her approach, either.

She doesn’t like feeling this way when it comes to talking to him - feeling uneasy and unsure, but there’s a part of her that’s tired of having to prompt him for answers.

He had been the one to leave this morning. Why can’t he just come out and tell her why?

“I’m alright,” she shrugs, not wanting to scare him off with the truth. “Super tired, though, can we sit?”

She wonders if he thinks about the same things she does as they make their way to the couch. Wonders if he can feel the scratch of her nails on his torso, or the brush of her lips against his, as they sit in the spot where not even 24 hours ago, their bodies had been intertwined.

He doesn’t sit right beside her as he normally would, and she finds herself missing the way his thigh usually brushes against her own.

She doesn’t know where to start or what to ask, and so she basks in the silence for a little - finding comfort in the fact that, despite the mess they’re currently in, they aren’t quite at the end yet.

But a part of her feels it coming.

She’d known it this morning if she lets herself listen to the rational voice in her head. As soon as she’d heard him say her name, as soon as he’d left, a part of her knew that was it, and maybe if she’d let herself believe it at the time - hadn’t talked herself down and convinced herself she was being irrational - she could have protected herself from all the ways this is going to hurt.

“I’m sorry.” He says, and when she looks up, he’s looking down where his large hands are now clasped together in his lap.

“For what?” She manages to choke out.

“Last night, I,” she digs her nails into the palms of her own hands to stop herself filling in the gaps as he figures out what he wants to say, but it’s no use.

He’s sorry for last night.

Last night, he made a mistake.

Last night, he was drunk, he was confused, he was just looking for something or someone to keep him occupied.

“I care about you so much, Poppy.”

That sentence shouldn’t be the one that fills her with dread, but it is.

“You’re my best friend, and I love you,” he does look up as he says this, eye meeting hers in an attempt to convey his honesty, but she sees more of the truth in his glassy gaze than she hears in his words. “This morning, I panicked, and I just needed some time to figure out what I want.”

No, no, no.

She’d rather he tell her what actually happened than do this. Than pretend he left because he doesn’t want her.

“I love you-,”

“You said that, already.” She can’t help the bite in her tone as she prepares herself for the hit. The I love you, but.

“You’re so important to me. Being your friend, it’s like it’s what keeps me sane lately.”

She chews at the inside of her cheek as she feels the tears start to well at her lash line.

“Poppy, I don’t want to mess up what we have,” he shakes his head as his gaze drops, dark eyes darting to focus anywhere but on her own, pleading and watery as she watches him slip away. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You don’t think this is hurting me?” She feels weak as her voice breaks, “You don’t think this is already messy?”

She reaches out to take his hands in hers, digging in to unclasp them, to try thread her fingers through, but he doesn’t make it easy.

“Nico, I love you, too, you know I do, we can figure it out, you don’t have to run away from me.”

It’s a desperate attempt and she knows it is, but she needs to know she tried. When she’s sobbing into her pillow and crying herself to sleep tonight, she needs to know she didn’t just let him go without a fight.

“I can’t give you what you want, I can’t be in a relationship, I’m no good at it.” 

Regardless of what she had told herself earlier, about taking what he says at face value, and trying not to fill in the gaps like she does so often with everyone else, she can’t help herself. When he says, I can’t be in a relationship, he means with her. He can’t be with Poppy. He would be no good with Poppy.

“Why are you doing this?”

“I told you-,”

“No, you said before that you’ve wanted this for as long as you’ve known me, you don’t just wake up and change your mind, not after-,” Poppy starts to feel panic building within her like a flipped over sand timer. Rising and rising until she starts to feel nauseous, getting harder with each second not to jump to conclusions. 

The voice inside her that tells her he got what he wanted and decided it wasn’t for him sounds caustic and bitter, and if she hadn’t wound herself up so much about this whole situation over the course of the day - the past week, even, or the months before - she might have been able to fight off the way it so easily convinces her.

“I have to put the team first, it doesn’t matter what I want, I have to focus on them, on hockey.”

She’s too caught up in her own emotions to notice how weak he sounds - glassy eyes unable to catch the glint in his. All she can hear, all she can see, is the minute hints of a cover-up - that she isn’t getting the whole story, that he’s lying to her, and that the excuse he’s giving is cowardly.

He still hasn’t mentioned the call, hasn’t mentioned Talia, hasn’t explained why he left her, why he didn’t say anything, why he didn’t come back.

“And you didn’t know that before?” She scoffs, pushing herself up off the couch and stepping away from him, “I can’t believe you would do this to me.” She wipes the tears from her cheeks as soon as they fall, but she can’t rid her skin of the feeling that they were there, her flesh damp and sore.

“I know we took things a little too far last night, but that doesn’t mean-,” She almost thinks he notices how bad that hurts her, referencing the night they shared as a mistake - an instance where they got carried away, and not where they followed through on years worth of built up tension and adoration for one another. She doesn’t even have to fill in the gaps, this time. Took things a little too far is clear enough. “We can still be friends. I want to be friends.”

“Friends?” Poppy jeers in disbelief, turning completely away from him now and missing the tears that drop from his own cheeks - missing the way his chest cracks and stretches open in a last ditch demonstration of his vulnerability, his desperation not to lose her completely. “You should go.”

“Poppy,”

“I can’t,” she tries so hard not to cry, knowing she won’t be able to stop, but the words come out in a choked sob, and her voice carries on in the whiney way she always hates. “You told me you wanted more, you said I was yours, and I’m supposed to just act like it never happened? Just accept you didn’t actually mean the things you said?”

“I meant them,” he says, defiantly, so sure of himself that it makes her head spin. “I wouldn’t-,”

“No, you didn’t. You’re a liar. You were either lying then, or you’re lying now. I don’t know which is worse. I can’t be your friend. I can’t pretend like you can that I don’t feel the way I feel.”

“Please, Mohn,” His fingertips just manage to reach out to land on her forearm before she shucks him off, wincing as if his touch has pained her.

“Don’t.” She takes an immediate step back, arms crossing over herself as a defence mechanism, body language screaming at him to go away, and she watches his pleading eyes drop to her arms just as she feels the cold of the metal there - so in tune with her every thought despite his denial of their true connection. Her arms move before her mind can make the decision, before it can remember what even sits on her skin, and her shaking fingers fumble to unclasp the jewellery adorned on her wrist. “You should take this back.”

Nico shakes his head, stepping back and away from the outstretched hand that holds her gemstone bracelet like it’s an actual danger to him. “No, that’s yours, Poppy.”

“I don’t want it.” She knows she’s the one that’s lying now. She wants the bracelet. She wants him. She doesn’t want him to leave. She wants to be his friend over being nothing. 

But she doesn’t want to hurt.

Looking at him hurts.

Remembering last night, remembering their kiss, the things he has said, the things he has done, it all hurts, and she can’t keep hold of a constant reminder of the pain, can’t wear it on her person at all hours of the day just to know deep down that the man who gave it to her will never want her the same way.

“I want you to leave.”

“Please,” he begs again, head tilting as devastation floods his features, brows pushing together, tears welling at the corners of his eyes, “We need to talk about this-,”

“No, you were right, we went too far, it was a mistake.” Her voice breaks as she says things she knows she doesn’t mean, but he’s already put it out there, so she doesn’t see the harm in echoing his own opinions. “There’s nothing more to talk about.”

She can’t look at him anymore, and so she drops her gaze to his hands, stepping and reaching forward and forcing him to take the bracelet from her before she rounds the couch and heads to the door.

If he isn’t going to give her the whole truth, she isn’t going to entertain part of the story, and she needs him gone so she can give in to the way her body wants to fold in on itself.

It takes him a minute to gather himself, but she refuses to look his way, waiting by the open door to her apartment and staring at the floor in front of her until his shoes appear.

“I do love you, Poppy. I’m leaving because I don’t want to upset you any more than I already have, and I’ll give you space if that’s what you need, but I’ll be here when you want to talk about this. I mean it when I say I can’t lose you.”

 She doesn’t say anything. She can’t say anything.

There’s a stabbing pain that’s building and building in the centre of her chest, and she doesn’t even think she can breathe in his presence.

He clasps a hand around her upper arm, and leans into her, his lips pressing a firm kiss into the crown of her head, and he lingers there for a moment before he retreats. 

She manages to push the door closed behind him, the click of the lock louder than ever, and waits a good few minutes in silence before her body is wracked with a silent sob.

The one time she had tried to be brave and fight her own intuition, and this is where it gets her.

So much for Nico wouldn’t do anything to hurt her.

Next Chapter

Taglist: @alwaysclassyeagle @bunbunbl0gs @idgaf-if-youre-here @youflowerr-youfeast @thearchersstuff @bellsdi0r @wonderheartz @jjgsunflower @butterflies35 @kenziepickle @josierosie @laheyxlover @mrsmattytkachuk (sorry if your tag hasn't worked btw)

[starhvney]

𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐉𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝟑 | 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟕: 𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐏 𝐃𝐀𝐘

𝐂𝐖: more blackmailing lol, minor mentions of anxiety from both aphmau and reader, reader’s dad suggests self defense with a pocket knife but he’s not serious, possible bad translation of spanish pls if anyone is fluent let me know if it's wrong lmao i only know beginner level

𝐀/𝐍: next chapter is finally out guys!! i hope the obnoxiously long word count makes up for how long it took to come out lol

𝐖𝐂: 7,300 +

𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 ☆ 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓 | 𝐀𝐎𝟑 | 𝐅𝐈𝐂 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 | 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊𝐒

despite your better judgment, you didn't mention a thing to your mom about gene when you got home yesterday. what were you supposed to tell her?

"oh, hey! sorry i'm late today, i went to buy cigarettes with a delinquent from school who holds the outcome of the rest of my high school career on his phone! no biggie, mom!"

yeah, that would go insanely well.

you did text aphmau about it, and she reacted exactly how you expected—reaffirming exactly why you weren't going to say anything.

aphmau: we have to tell our moms!! that's awful!!

you: no!!

you: i already know it was bad, i don't need the biggest lecture of my life and possibly being grounded on top of already knowing it was a bad idea.

you: i usually tell my mom about these things but not this time

aphmau: :(

aphmau: well we can't just let him get away with it?? what if they get us in more trouble

aphmau: that would be just as bad if the pictures got out

you: i know i know

you: i don't have a plan yet but we'll work it out.

you: sorry that's not super reassuring but

aphmau: no it's okay

aphmau: i don't want to tell my mom either

aphmau: knowing her she might pull me out to be homeschooled again

you: the good thing is we at least are with each other on this

aphmau: yeah, that's true :')

aphmau: okay, i'm going to try to forget about it and get some sleep

aphmau: good night!

you: good night aph

laurance also texted you later that night—of course—with how observant he is and how loyal he's made himself out to be you'd be shocked if he didn't ask you more about it.

laurance: hey :) how are you?

you: hii! i'm good :) 

you: how are you? did you win against o'khasis? 

you: sorry i didn't come back to see the game after school 

laurance: not gonna lie i was a little sad you weren't there :,) but it's okay

laurance: T-T and no

laurance: but i already knew we wouldn't

you: that's why you lost!! 

you: you should've believed you'd win!!! 

laurance: hey!! tell that to my teammates lol i know i'm the best

you: wow cocky much

laurance: nuh uh it's not being cocky if it's true :P

laurance: hey

laurance: can i ask a question?

you: what's up??

laurance: i just was thinking about the whole thing that happened at lunch

laurance: i know i can't tell you who to hang out with, but i genuinely really don't think you should hang out near them at all

laurance: they can be very

laurance: influencing

laurance: i know cause when i hung out with them i ended up getting into some bad stuff

you: bad stuff? 

laurance: just stuff i'm not proud of

laurance: like pressuring me into vandalizing and smoking and drinking

laurance: i thought they were cool so i didn't say no when i should've

you: i know you said you had a history with them but i had no idea 

you: they made you do that? 

laurance: technically i had a choice??

laurance: i just made the bad ones

laurance: i really regret not saying no to them sometimes

you: well i can tell you're nothing like that now laurance 

you: it was a year ago but you were also a freshman 

you: i think it's really respectable that even after that you choose to be a really good person now who makes the right decisions 

laurance: that means a lot actually, thank you.

laurance: but that's why i wanted to ask you about it

laurance: cause i know you're also nothing like them so

laurance: i just wanted to make sure they weren't like, pressuring you or trying to threaten you to do something?

...shit. you can't go around or avoid the question now. should you really lie to him about this?

you: yeah i get why you're worried now 

you: i promise i haven't been pressured into anything and if they try i'll completely drop them 

laurance: hey if something bad happened and they're making you hang out with them

laurance: everyone knows by now that you're a good friend and a good student

laurance: so don't be scared to say something

the thought is comforting, but he doesn't know that it involves one of the most influential girls in the school.

you: it's just, complicated

you: i don't want to get into it right now but i just think i can handle the issue on my own

you: for now 

laurance: i really don't like this

laurance: but if you think you're fine then i won't stop you obviously

laurance: just know that i'll trust you over anything they try to hold over your head, okay? you can always come talk to me

you can feel your heart painfully twist in your chest.

you: thank you. you're an amazing friend laurance 

you: if i need help i promise i'll let you know 

laurance: okay, if you say so

laurance: and i know i'm pretty cool B)

you: the coolest B) 

you: good night laurance! see you tomorrow 

laurance: good night :)

while laurance was pretty popular, how much clean up work on rumors could he do compared to ivy and gene's influence? not everyone would believe him, and who's to say he wouldn't be affected by the rumors for sticking up for you?

you've already been friends for a few months now, but you don't want him to suffer because of you. and who's to say he won't get tired and drop you because of it? he seems like a super loyal friend, but would he die on a hill for a girl he just met this school year?

the walk to school with aphmau was quiet. you could practically feel the anxiety looming in the air around the both of you, zapping any urge to start a conversation. you hadn't felt like this since the first day of school here, your fingertips and cheeks feeling like pins and needles while your chest felt heavy with a sense of dread.

maybe a part of you was hoping that if you simply acted like it didn't happen, everything would blow over and be dropped. after all, messing with you couldn't be that fun, right? right??

wrong.

"leave us alone." aphmau says, her voice surprisingly quite firm as she glares up at the three delinquents, who had blocked the two of you off in the empty hallway.

how did you always manage to end up alone in the hallways?

"nuh uh." zenix quips back, laughing with a teasing smile at your friend.

"aw, c'mon. after our bonding walk you're already mad at me again?" he directs his question at you, mocking fake sadness. "tell the smaller kitty that we're friends now, kitty."

"don't call either of us that!" she protests, her grip she had on your hand tightening. a quiet comfort to you, but probably mostly her.

"why not? kitty's a cute nickname. when people give you a nickname it means they have a special affection for you."

"oh, so you like us?" she sarcastically raises a thin eyebrow, lips forming in a frustrated line.

"hm," gene hums, seeming to seriously consider her question, dark eyes darting between the two of you. "you? not really. i kinda like her, though."

aphmau huffs. "then why did you go out of your way to bother us?"

"i just like messing with people. thought that was pretty obvious, no?" he scoffs. "and you two, especially you little missy, make yourselves the perfect targets."

you suppress a tense sigh.

"which is exactly why you two are skipping with us today," gene says simply with a shrug, face smug as he leans on the wall, hands shoved in his pockets.

"excuse me?" you ask incredulously.

"you heard me. let's go." he lifts himself from the wall, not opening the conversation up for any more questioning as he leisurely walks away from the classrooms.

aphmau sends you a panicked glance, amber eyes round. the trio walks ahead of you once they see you both uneasily following along, beginning to whisper among themselves when a looming tall boy nearly runs into the two of you from around the corner.

you recognize him as that aaron guy, who outside of aphmau's stories had gained an even larger reputation of getting into fights and winning. he gives you a once over, making you tap your thigh nervously before you watch his nearly black eyes dart down to aphmau.

the short girl gives a very direct "hmph!" before turning away from him, grabbing your arm, and dragging you closer to the group. her distaste for him seemingly was much larger than what she held for the shadow knights.

you glance back to see aaron watching you two walk away from him, his eyebrows furrowed and mouth slightly agape in shock. truthfully, it was an amusing sight, and you have to stop yourself from laughing at his expression when his eyes dart back to yours.

his mouth snaps shut and he rolls his eyes, quickly turning away and stalking off down the hall without a single word being muttered.

gene huffs out an amused laugh. "see? that's so funny. no one but you of all people is able to look that guy in the eye. now c'mon."

you and aphmau stare at him, faces unamused.

"if not, i'm sure your friends and the rest of the school would love to see my photography skills!" he grins, raising his eyebrows challengingly.

soon you find yourself following the group down the sidewalk, with aph clinging onto your arm. you could feel her hands tremble nervously against your blazer, and every once in a while her head would dart around with a guilty look in her eye.

"if you get us into any more trouble than just skipping—" she starts, only to swiftly be cut off by the leader ahead.

"relax. you're both just going to get to know us better. we're gonna hang out and then get some coffee later. no biggie."

"you drink coffee?" aphmau questions.

"yep. dark and bitter."

"calm down, edge lord. drinking black coffee doesn't make you any cooler." you grumble, earning a tiny chuckle from both aphmau and surprisingly zenix.

"after our last little walk together and you still don't like me?" gene sighs, shaking his head and clicking his tongue.

"i can't say buying cigarettes is a fun bonding experience for me, sorry to say." you quip back.

"...you know what, fair enough, kitty. i get both of your little goody-two-shoes attitudes—well i don't really get it, but—i'll strike you both a deal." gene turns to look at the two of you as you cross the street, walking towards an older park. "if you two still don't like us after skipping today, i will never ask you two to skip class again."

"you promise?" aphmau stutters, leaning forward with hopeful eyes.

"i promise!" he concurs. "i just want you to know us outside of the rumors you've heard."

you think you'd believe laurance's "rumors" over these three's catty smirks any day.

"we're not all that bad." gene shrugs, before turning to see sasha and zenix ahead going off the path into some shrubbery.

aphmau glances up at you, before looking back to gene with a resigned sigh. "ok, fine. deal."

"great!" he grins before waving a hand towards the shrubbery. "ladies first."

you stare at him as aphmau walks forward, raising an eyebrow. "and what if this is an elaborate plan to get us alone and murder us?"

"oh, kitty, if i wanted to do something to you i would've done it when you walked home with me." he scoffs, throwing an arm around your shoulder and guiding you with him after the rest of the group.

"uh-huh." you deadpan, earning a carefree chuckle from the boy.

when the shrubs part for a clearing, you look up to see an old brick bridge for a train track. it was likely abandoned a long time ago based on the trees and plants overgrown on the top and the layers of graffiti plastered on the sides. under the bridge ran part of the large river that goes through the whole city, though this part seems to be a thinner and slower-moving part of it.

gene releases you from his arm, shoving his hands in his pockets as he walks ahead a few steps.

truthfully, it was a really cool spot. you'd even hang out here alone to draw or read in your free time if you had come across it on your own. you doubt that's what the shadow knights did here, though.

suddenly, your phone buzzes, and you look down to check the notification.

kate: hey, you're not in homeroom today?

kate: you sick?

you curse under your breath, looking to aphmau who was distracted by something sasha was saying, before looking back down. your fingers hover over the keyboard as you contemplate what to say.

you: ugh yeah sorry i didn't tell you 

you: probably just ate something bad, i'll be better by tomorrow 

kate: ohh alright then

kate: i'll see you tomorrow then, hopefully?

kate: feel better! and rest up!

you: thanks kate! i will!

guilt eats at you from the inside of your chest, screaming at you how wrong you were, how you need to tell your friends the truth.

you slide your phone back in your pocket.

"alright, you two. make our new friends here feel welcomed. they'll be joining our group here pretty soon." gene muses, holding his hands out to prompt zenix and sasha to actually talk.

"join? they said yes?" sasha raises her eyebrows, eyes shifting to aphmau and you in mild surprise.

"not yet." gene shrugs. "i'm not gonna force a good thing. they'll join on their own, but they've got to get to know us, first."

"ah, i see." sasha's eyebrows relax to rest in their usual unimpressed position.

zenix scoffs. "neither of them are hardcore enough."

"shut up, zenix."

the boy comically huffs in response and crosses his arms, like an annoyed kid who just got told off. aphmau seems pretty uneasy by his aggressive demeanor, slowly shuffling to stand closer to you again.

"i swear zenix has the same temper as that zane kid. speaking of him, why don't we let him in the group?" sasha looks over at gene.

your eyebrows furrow at her words, the middle ro'meave brother popping into your mind. he was rude to you last time, for sure, but him? in this gang of kids? the thought of it makes you feel strangely... protective over your friend's bratty younger brother.

"zane is just a poser. plus, he's no fun to play with. he was so eager to join us it made him look pathetic." gene rolls his eyes, and you can't help crossing your arms. "i'll give him until next semester to see how he does on his own, then maybe i'll think of it."

you look at aphmau, who is also looking at you with an unappeased expression on her face.

"make him work for it, huh?" sasha muses.

"what's the point of us having an exclusive group if we just let any emo kid in?"

"we're not emo, though," sasha says, dark purple fingernails ironically raking through her chopped side swoop bangs.

"not us. zane."

"oh, whoops. my bad."

gene ruins his fingers through the mess of dark curls on his head as he starts walking back where we just came from. "anyways, i'm going to get the stuff. i forgot it. keep them entertained."

"kay. hurry up." sasha says, stretching her arms out before sitting down on a soft patch of grass by the river.

the stuff?

"stuff?" you repeat, lip curling up and eyes squinting in accusation.

gene snorts. "don't worry, kitty. it's not drugs if that's what you're thinking."

he walks off, not giving any further explanation before he's gone.

"it's stuff for our art. you'll see." sasha looks over to you and aphmau, waving you both over to sit next to her as zenix stalks off closer to the bridge.

"i don't think i like the sound of that." aphmau whispers before you both settle onto the grass.

sasha turns to look at you both, a small amount of interest shines in her deep purple eyes. you want to laugh at how cliche it sounds in your head, but they really looked like someone had carved out two amethysts and stuck them into her eyes. black eyeliner lined her eyes, one side a little smudged on the corner. she managed to pull it off, somehow still looking like a little doll with her smooth porcelain skin.

"so, what kind of grades do you two get?"

"huh?" aphmau blinks.

"are you a straight-a student? average? dumb?" sasha presses.

"oh, uh..." your friend stutters, picking at her fingernails. "so far i've gotten all a's and some b's. i'm not that great at math though."

sasha hums, her eyes lazily drifting over to you.

"...pretty much all a's." you say, curiously looking back at her. why did she want to know? was she gonna try to get you to do her homework?

"cool. good to know we're not letting in anyone with bad grades."

"you mean you guys don't?" aphmau unashamedly asks, her face baffled.

sasha doesn't seem offended by this, the corner of her lip lifting. "nah."

"but you guys skip almost every day? that doesn't make any sense, i don't get how that works." she insists.

"we're not dumb. we get bad grades because we miss class and tend not to listen to the teacher, so that obviously reflects on our records. it's an attempt for the "man" to control us with these letters that we find such validation in." sasha returns.

so they do make bad grades.

"huh...? that was really a mouthful."

oh, aphmau.

"just words, sweetheart." sasha returns with a tiny smirk. "honestly, gene, zenix and i are very smart when it comes to our studies. we're just bored because nothing challenges us in academics anymore. hence why we skip class. if i'm going to be bored, i don't want to be bored in that building we call school."

"oh, i see. well, that doesn't make any sense." aphmau says.

sasha hums with a raised eyebrow, prompting her to elaborate.

"it's just... if you're so smart that you don't feel challenged, why sacrifice your good grades to do nothing? why not go the extra mile and challenge yourself by making a presentation? or writing a report on how the teachers can help you more?"

sasha quietly stares at her, expression blank—though eyes seemingly deep in thought.

"the teachers don't know everything, they're trying to figure life out, too. so if you're super bored, why not teach them back?" you add, bringing up your knees for your chin to rest on. "not caring and being lazy every once in a while is fun, but i think everyone should have a goal. otherwise you'll find yourself stuck in the same place."

"hm. i can see why gene took an interest in the both of you." sasha looks out to the river as she says this, lips pursed.

suddenly she reaches out a hand, the dark metal rings and bracelets she wore clinking together. "give me your hands."

"what, why?" aphmau asks cautiously, watching as you place your hand on the older girl's one.

"i do palm readings as a hobby. just a little thing i like to do." she says, her thumb already tracing over the lines in your hand as she brings it closer to her face.

"you're not going to do something weird are you?" aph leans back.

"just give me your stupid hand." she flicks her free hand demandingly.

aphmau goes quiet, nervously giving up one of her hands to the girl. sasha brings both of your hands side by side, pursing her lips as she compares the two.

"interesting." she says, a few moments passing before she continues. "both of you have lots of creativity. i'm not shocked by the lack of openness for feelings and emotions on your hand—" she nudges up your palm. "—but apparently aphmau is more open. which isn't a lie if we were comparing you both together... but neither of you are open. otherwise you two wouldn't be here in the first place."

you and aphmau make the same little noise of surprise.

sasha's eyebrows furrow, as she stretches out both of your hands. she focuses on yours, humming in stumped confusion as she mutters to herself. "that's weird. i haven't seen a fate line like yours. it's all... broken up. what does that mean? interesting..."

"quit holding hands with them, sasha!" zenix suddenly shouts from where he had scaled up to the top of the bridge, looking down over all three of you.

"quit being emo, zenix!" she shouts back without a second of thinking, looking up at you with an eye roll. "so glad there's girls now. he's—"

"don't tell me how to live my life!"

sasha ignores his response, looking at aphmau's palm. "your life is pretty dull. according to your palm."

"uhh..." aphmau's shoulders slump.

"i don't need a fake palm reader who learned all her lessons from the internet to tell me how to live my life!" zenix continues.

"ignore him." sasha rolls her eyes again. "he's just yelling to yell."

"i like yelling!"

"i like when you shut up!"

"come make me!" he challenges, puffing out his chest.

"kitty." sasha coos at you, batting her eyelashes. "be a dear and go shut zenix up for me? i want to relax and take a nap before gene makes you do the hazing initiation thingy."

aphmau flinches. "hazing? initiation? what initiation?!"

sasha lays down, closing her eyes and ignoring both of your protests.

"what—are you serious?" aphmau huffs, as sasha continues to ignore her words. "great. we didn't even agree to join and they're talking about an initiation. what even is the initiation?"

aphmau looks up to zenix, before her round eyes slowly drift back to you. "...can you go ask him?" she whispers.

"huh? why can't you?" you cross your arms, hushing your voice back

"because he scares me! you go talk to him!" aphmau complains back.

"i'm not gonna talk to him. you do it."

"no, you!"

"you!"

"oh! suddenly i'm feeling really sleepy..." aphmau fake yawns, lying down in the grass like sasha and closing her eyes.

"oh my—whatever! he's not even scary, you baby!" you quietly shout, standing up with a huff and ignoring the quiet snickers from sasha.

you turn to march over to the bridge, looking up to the top where zenix was kicking stray rocks into the river. "um, zenix?"

"what do you want?" he looks down at you, eyes narrowing. "did sasha get you to do her dirty work for her already? of course you'd listen to her." he snorts.

"no. i was just wondering what this initiation thing was about?"

"i can't spoil the surprise." he grins, and you deadpan. "just know that if you do it, you'll be super hardcore in my book."

"right, because i'm so desperate for your approval." you raise your eyebrows, resting a hand on your hip. "what, skipping class isn't hardcore enough for you?"

zenix huffs, flustering rather immediately at your words as he turns to kick a rock rather harshly into the water. "skipping class isn't hard. it's whatever."

"why are you so huffy and angry?"

"why are you so calm and happy?"

you shrug. "cause it's better."

"says who?" he quips, tilting his head at you in a challenge.

"says me."

"well aren't you important." he sarcastically huffs.

"so are you."

he looks down at you with a strange look.

"yeah? says who?"

"says me."

the shrubbery rustles and leaves crunch, signaling gene was back from wherever he had gone off to.

"looks like you all are getting along well." he says.

"she's weird," zenix says, still looking at you with a confused expression.

"well we like weirdos, don't we?" gene raises an eyebrow with an amused chuckle.

"...i guess," zenix says, walking along the bridge to find a way down.

"you two, come here," gene says, the bag in his hand rustling as he waves you and aphmau over.

"so," he starts when you're both standing in front of him. "how do you like our group so far?"

you glance at aphmau, before speaking up first. "you guys are fine, but we aren't into the whole skipping school and breaking the rules thing."

gene raises an eyebrow, looking over to aphmau when she pipes up.

"yeah, we're not interested in joining. i just want to finish this day of skipping and leave."

he hums quietly, looking off in thought. "...alright. i'll let you two go."

"really?" aphmau eagerly says, eyes wide and hopeful. "and you'll delete the pictures?"

"who said anything about deleting the pictures?" gene shoots down the second request in a heartbeat, snorting in amusement. "i'm keeping them, i just won't make you two skip school again, is all."

aphmau scoffs in displeasure.

"now now, no need to get too worked up." gene tsks, waving the bag in front of you two. "there's still something else i need you both to do for me before i let you go."

"what is it?" aphmau huffs, crossing her arms.

"you're going to tag a wall with the shadow knights logo."

"what?!" she squeaks, jaw dropping in horror, and you feel your face drop.

"you heard me." gene snickers watching your eyes drift to the hidden bridge that had a ton of graffiti on it already.

"no no. not there." gene smirks, nodding his head for you two to follow him.

your group walks back to the more polished part of the path, where gene points to a clean concrete wall that would most definitely be seen by people going by on their walks.

"here." he grins, gesturing to the wall.

"no way!" aphmau stutters, stepping closer to you with that same horrified look on her face.

"we're not criminals. that's illegal." you say, glaring up at gene who merely widens his smile, leaning down by his torso and tilting his head at you.

"you're a criminal as long as you're mine."

you wrinkle your nose. "you don't own me or aph just cause you have those pictures."

"oh? then i'm sure garroth and the rest of your friends would love to see said pictures of the school's precious sweet ivy getting the shit beat out of her by two rando new girls." he shrugs, straightening his back and dangling the bag in front of him. "it's up to you..."

you snap your mouth shut, before yanking the bag from his hands. "just shut up."

gene ooh's in amusement, stepping aside with a smirk as he watches you march to the wall, crouching near the bag as you drop it and pulling out the spray paints from inside.

"...if i do this, does it mean i'm part of your group?" aphmau nervously asks from behind you.

"nope, it just means that you're doing the work of tagging this place for me. plus, if you do this one time, i'll never ask you to tag this place for me again."

"tag any place." you interject, looking back to send a harsh glare at him.

gene looks you up and down, before quietly chuckling and raising his arms. "any place." he concedes.

"okay, fine." aphmau shakily agrees, coming up beside you to help.

you've never spray painted before, and neither had aphmau, but surprisingly the logo ended up looking pretty good. if it was done in a place you were allowed to tag and not vandalizing, you'd probably be proud of it.

but you were vandalizing, and you felt the opposite of pride as you and aphmau backed up from the wall, smelling like spray paint as some of it dripped from your fingers.

"not bad." gene grins, hands on his hips as he observes your handiwork.

"looks pretty great." sasha's voice pipes up, she and zenix appearing behind you two.

zenix crosses his arms as he analyzes the logo. "...maybe you two are hardcore enough." he admits.

"you're both free to go home now. we're gonna go to the coffee shop down the road if you two want to join us." gene says, snagging up the bag and cans to likely use later.

you and aphmau shake your head no at the same time.

"no thanks..." she stutters quietly.

gene shrugs, leading his two accomplices along the sidewalk. "suit yourselves. let's go."

you and aphmau silently watch as the group leaves, glancing back at the graffiti you both did with dejected looks on your faces. aphmau suddenly snatches up your hand, quickly walking away.

"i don't wanna be caught next to that." she mutters and you agree, keeping in pace with her if not speeding up.

you both walk in silence for a bit longer before you feel aphmau's hand tighten on yours and hear a quiet sniff. glancing over in surprise you see her round eyes filled with tears, her nose red as she looks away from you.

"i'm sorry i'm crying, i just feel so awful that we did that and so mad too..." she stops talking when her voice shakes a bit, burying her face in her hand with another sniffle.

"me too..."

your nose tingles as you rapidly blink to make your own urge to cry go away, breathing in a frustrated sigh. suddenly your feet stop on the sidewalk and you're tugging onto aphmau's hand, bringing her in for a hug.

"it's gonna be okay." you reassure when she hugs you back. "i'm sorry i let it get this far—"

"it's my fault, too." she interrupts.

"—we can go back and clean off the paint tonight. then we'll tell gene we're done with him and deal with the consequences." you finish, patting her back and pulling away from the hug. "we shouldn't let people like him make us cry, right?"

she looks up at you, blinking away the mistiness in her eyes and gulping down her urge to cry as she nods. "yeah! we can go clean it! that's a good idea. then no more shadow knights and... we can deal with the rest later."

you smile at the optimistic look in her eyes, patting her shoulders as you both continue to walk home.

☆

cleaning concrete without a pressure washer or at the very least a strong hose is extremely hard. you honestly wouldn't force a prisoner to do this as work.

you and aphmau had been at it for ten minutes already, and you'd barely even scrubbed off a layer of the graffiti.

"dang it. i should've brought paint thinner." you groan when your hand slips and you scrape your finger against the rough surface. "this sucks."

"we're gonna be here all night," aphmau whines, focusing in on one spot and groaning when there's no difference under the sponge. "but we have to get it off. this is horrible."

you hear quiet footsteps nearby, and before you can react to it a bright light shines over the two of you, blinding the two of you.

"hey!" a man's voice calls out, the tone so stern and aggressive that you knock over the soapy water bucket and drop your sponge with a gasp.

"uh!" aphmau startles, before she realizes who it is, her words tumbling out of her mouth. "oh, officer! we—"

"we've been looking for the kids who've been tagging this place with that logo." he cuts her off, tone completely accusatory.

to be fair, you both decided on wearing black hoodies and sweatpants, making you look much more suspicious than you already did. but didn't he see the sponges and literal soap bucket next to your feet?

"wait! that's not how this happened! we didn't—"

"save it! the criminals always return to the scene of the crime. come on, you're both coming with me." he says, pacing over to you both and snatching you both by the arms, likely thinking you'd both run away.

you find yourself at a loss for words, mouth gaping and eyes filling with tears as you're dragged along with the cop. you couldn't even defend yourself, completely in shock that you were getting in trouble in the first place.

being in the back of a cop car on a tuesday night was never a possibility in your mind. yet here you are, at the ripe age of sixteen, being escorted to your parents on a school night.

aphmau hasn't stopped sniffling, the only thing keeping her from bawling her eyes out was likely the fact that you were in this with her.

to aphmau's relief and to your chagrin, the cop stops at your house first, marching you right up the sidewalk to your door and knocking, looking down at you like you had kicked a puppy and laughed. you knew nothing would change this guy's mind, so you merely watch your front door and hope it was your mom who opened it.

it wasn't, and dread fills every fiber of your being when your dad's figure stands in the open doorway. he looks at the officer in confusion, then down to you, his eyes blown wide open. his jaw clenches as he whips his head to the staircase where you were supposed to have retired for the night, before looking back at you with an immense amount of disappointment.

you shrink in on yourself when he doesn't say a word to you, turning to look at the officer who greets him. eyes drift and zone out on the floor as the officer explains why he's here, only to be startled by dad's deep voice.

"do you have any proof?" he asks, stopping the officer in his tracks.

"i... sorry?"

"do. you. have. any. proof? or do you like throwing around little girls into your car for a little power trip instead of catching actual criminals?" your dad grits, making you lean back against the doorway.

"that is not—sir, i—" the officer stutters, taken aback by the sudden accusation.

"let's talk." your dad yanks you inside as he steps outside next to the officer and shuts the door.

oh shit.

you hear a call of your name and turn to see your mom staring at you in confusion, her arms crossed over her robe.

"um..." you start, looking to the ground in shame.

"was that an officer?" she asks, eyes wide as she shuffles over to you.

immediately you burst out crying, leaning in to hug her while every emotion you had kept in about the situation tumbled out in fat tears that dripped down your face.

"i'm sorry! i didn't mean to do anything wrong!" you hiccup as mom shushes you, wrapping her arms around you and rubbing your back.

"just take a deep breath and tell me what happened."

and you do. from what you told her about ivy to the things she didn't know about gene, from the pictures to the gas station and the vandalism. the disappointed look on her face stings as you talk, but at least she was listening. with how distressed you were behaving and the fact you had never done anything like this before, mom clearly was open to hearing your side of the story on this.

as you finish your spill and calm down from your hysterics, the front door opens. aphmau comes in first looking uneasy, with your dad following behind.

"call sylvanna to come over here." he says, huffing and giving you a stern look as aphmau sits next to you on the couch.

"...what did you tell the cop?" you ask, eyebrows pinched together as you glance at the window to see the cop car not even parked in your driveway anymore.

he huffs. "don't worry about it."

...that's incredibly unsettling.

mom makes the call as you two wait in tense silence on the couch, and it's probably only a minute later tops that all hell breaks loose.

"¡aphmau!" sylvanna bursts through the door, hair a mess and pajamas crooked as she hops on one foot, sliding her flip flop off of her foot. "¡te juro que si estuvieras besando a un chico te golpearía con mi chancla tan fuerte que volarías hasta el año que viene!"

aphmau squeaks, shrinking into you like she was planning on using you as a shield.

"sylvanna, calm down. while what they did was disappointing, they weren't rebelling against us or being deceitful." mom says, interrupting sylvanna's heated rant and placing a hand on her shoulder. "actually, let me explain it to you in the kitchen."

aphmau sighs in relief as both of the moms and your dad go into the kitchen, voices quiet and hushed.

"she is so terrifying." she whispers to you, staring at the coffee table and tapping on her leg. "this day has been the worst."

"yeah..." you sigh, wringing your hands together. "i wonder how much trouble we'll be in when they're done talking about it."

"i don't want to be grounded." aphmau groans.

"me neither."

more tense silence passes, hushed voices barely heard from the kitchen before they all return to the living room.

sylvanna steps forward, arms crossed. "mija."

aphmau tenses. "yes ma'am?"

"i am," she inhales. "very disappointed that you didn't tell me about this when it was happening—"

the girl's head drops.

"—but. you did try to fix your mistake. and for that... i'm proud. pero si esto vuelve a ocurrir te juro que estarás castigado hasta el día de tu muerte. there will be no next time!"

aphmau cringes, before nodding. "yes ma'am..."

the two soon are out the door and on their walk home, seeming as it had already transitioned from late tuesday hours to the early hours of wednesday.

after a good talking to from both of your parents and truthfully some more crying on your end, you found yourself lying on your bedroom carpet, arms spread out as you tapped your feet on the ground.

it was just difficult to sleep now, your mind racing with what to do when gene will inevitably confront you again. your phone buzzes.

aph: are you still up ;-;

you: yeah, can't sleep 

aph: me neither...

aph: i'm so glad my mom didn't overreact

aph: i was sure i was a goner

you: yeahhh 

you: good thing my mom talked her down 

aph: yeah she's a life saver

aph: speaking of which i think both of them are talking to zianna on the phone right now about everything

you: what!! 

you: oh no i really hope garroth doesn't overhear the details or anything if they're talking loud 

you get halfway up from your floor, crawling over to your door and pressing your ear against it, straining to listen while glancing down at your phone again.

aph: oh crap i didn't think about that!

aph: hopefully not

aph: if he hears it from his mom i think he'd take it well, but that's still kinda awkward

you: yeah no kidding

you: then he'd probably tell the rest of our friends too

you: which wouldn't be the worst if they believed us

aph: yeah

aph: surely they would

aph: right???

you: i think they would 

you: the thought of drama with ivy veleno being public knowledge in the school makes my stomach hurt though 

aph: ugh i know me too

aph: i guess our faces look extra victimy to the bad kids

aph: because why are all of them out for us

aph: literally what did we do T-T

you: that's what i'm saying!! like since day one 

the conversation outside of the door is too muffled, so you slowly crack open your door and crawl towards the staircase to get a better listen.

"i swear if any boy puts a hand on either of my girls i'll go up to that school myself so help me!" you hear zianna shout over the phone.

"he didn't put his hands on either of them or trust me my husband would be in jail right now for murdering that little boy." mom says.

"i would be too!" sylvanna shouts, sounding the most heated of the three.

you: omg did you hear that??

aph: yeah

aph: we're zianna's girls ;p

you: and your mom is completely down with murder it seems

aph: i feel like we knew that already though

"oh, that just makes me so mad! they're so sweet and innocent, they shouldn't be having to deal with that punk ass kid! i swear i'll murder him too!" zianna huffs.

you: zianna cusses?? hahaha

aph: out of our three moms she seems the least likely lol

"well all i know is that if i find out either of them, especially my mija was covering up the fact that she was smooching with some boy i swear!!!" sylvanna gripes.

"i know when my daughter is lying and she would've told me if something like that happened. and i know you know aphmau was telling us the truth, too." mom sighs.

sylvanna sighs loudly. "yeah, you're right. i just worry about her!"

you: your mom is still stuck on the boy thing?

aph: yeah :/ she's kinda crazy about that stuff

you: my mom is protective over that kinda stuff too

you: but geez

aph: i know right?

you flinch as the door across from you opens, revealing your dad from behind it. he stops when he sees you hunched by the stairs, raising his eyebrows at your behavior.

"what're you doin', kiddo?" he asks, taking a step forward and sighing when he faintly hears your mom on speakerphone.

"...i couldn't sleep." you whisper back, clutching your phone to your chest.

he sighs again, pointing to your bedroom door. "well, sitting at the top of the stairs on your phone won't help. go to sleep."

"...okay..." you mutter, getting up and staring at the floor as you scurry back to your room.

a gruff call of your name stops you, and you turn back to see dad's contemplative face.

"and put away that phone."

"yes sir..."

"and..."

you stare at him, rocking on your feet. "...yeah?"

"...i put a pocket knife in your backpack."

"wha—" you guffaw. "dad, i can't bring a knife to school?!"

"says who?"

"oh my—says me! dad, that's illegal!"

he huffs. "not if no one knows."

"i just got in trouble for illegal stuff now you're encouraging me to stab people?"

"just one, possibly."

"dad, i am not taking a knife or weapon of any kind to my tenth-grade english class that is insane."

"i did it when i was picked on."

"you stabbed someone?" you ask in horror.

"no... but the threat worked well enough."

"okay well, i am a lot more likely to go to jail for that now than when you were a kid."

he sighs. "alright. but i won't be mad if i get a call from the school saying you kicked that boy in his balls."

"okay, dad! i'm going to sleep now." you back up, eyebrows raised.

dad's hardened eyes soften to amusement as he chuckles. "goodnight, baby girl. i love you."

"love you too, dad."

you shut the door behind you with a sigh.

you: got caught eavesdropping

you: gonna go to sleep before i get in more trouble

you: and before my dad suggests another torture method or weapon to use on gene

aph: your dad is so scary

aph: that seems like something he'd suggest

aph: and good night!

you: haha well he was just kidding

you: i think

©starhvney, 2024. please do not steal or repost my works as your own.

[vanmarkus]

Do you also have the feeling a lot of great people stopped posting and especially writing? Or have they all blocked me? The tags are full but mostly with newer fans who don't seem to have actually watched the show (no offense, although..) and the writers circle seems tiny

well, dear anon, i will be very real with you, it mostly comes down to season 7 and specifically Tommy's reintroduction, the whole bucktommy of it all, or even more specifically the infighting it started.

911 was never really the 911 fandom; it was the buddie fandom with a few blurps of other (canon) ships sprinkled in there, only to get lost due to lack of interest/bad behaviour. (believe me, people were really shitty before all this too)

but now we have two main ships.

which would be okay if people could understand the difference between reality and fiction and could just pay attention to the stuff they like and not get violent and for whatever reason bigoted towards real fans over disliking a character or ship.

i talked endlessly about how all the criticism of Tommy's character basically comes down to "i don't vibe with it, so no one else should either" so i won't go into that, but unfortunately what you saw and still see on the dash is only half of the story.

lots of people ended up unfollowing and blocking people they used to talk to on the daily over this fictional ship, which... you know, if that's all it took i wouldn't necessarily call those "friendships", but it definitely changed how people interact with fan creations.

doing wip games was always about two things; to exchange exposure and to motivate each other and ourselves to write.

those pre-existing tag-chains are mostly broken now and i know that a lot of writers don't want to expose themselves to "the other side" by sharing wips and get demotivated by people being rude, so they keep writing without sharing snippets.

and some people lost the motivation/inspiration to write for the fandom altogether.

it sucks and yeah, people who didn't watch the show aside from scenes of their faves should not be monopolising the tags — as far as i'm concerned they aren't part of the fandom at all. (if you can't even be bothered to watch the source material, why are you even here, genuinely.)

anyway, this got long, but the point is that you're right in your observation and it doesn't just go for writing.

interaction on edits and gifsets and the like have drastically fallen, because so many people have blocked each other, every post has to go through a bazillion blind spots to get to at least 3 more people's dash; because one person will reblog it and then they will be blocked by 5 others who would love to see your content but the people they still follow don't follow anyone that'd reblog your stuff and so on.

TLDR: this fandom is fucked and it's sad, but it is what it is i guess.

[nu-carniviva]

A censored version of Nu: Carnival is coming to the app store... Which is not good

When this was first brought to my attention, I honestly didn't believe it at first. I mean, why would I? Nu: Carnival has advertised itself as an adult-only game since it's release. I rarely go on Twitter since it's a total shithole, but that's how I found out that the rumors were true. Nu: Carnival - Bliss, they're calling it. The overall plot, events, and gameplay will be the same. But many crucial changes will be done to the dialogue, CG, and audio. Long post ahead, but I'll be ranting about it below

Why is this a bad move?

There are multiple reasons as to why making a censored, teen friendly version of Nu: Carnival is a horrible decision. I might not get them all, but here are a few I can think of off the top of my head:

It is literally impossible to separate the nsfw from the source. Whether the devs like it or not, they made an nsfw game. After the first half of the prologue, the game opens with porn. You are introduced to two characters at the time — Aster and Morvay. That right there is already an issue. Morvay is an incubus. He is a sex demon who wears leather lingerie. While there is certainly more to his personality, his is very existence is sex. Sex is what keeps him alive and fed. Morvay is very open about his sexual desires and the topic of sex as a whole. He doesn't find it shameful or taboo. So... What are they going to do with Morvay? He can't be removed since he's bonded with Aster. Censoring him will have him take a MAJOR hit. Now that leads me to the second part of this bullet point: sex is a crucial part of the plot. Essence is what keeps Klein stable. Eiden and his clan's job is to use their essence to fix the gem altars so said altars can keep the essence regulated throughout the continent. While there are several ways to replenish one's essence, the most effective way is through sex. Sex also plays a crucial role in expanding on the plot and the characters. Sex scenes aren't just there for entertainment, there is genuine lore within the dialogue. Through sex, Eiden bonds with his clan members in the most intimate and personal ways. He sees his clan members at their most vulnerable moments, and through that they share a deep connection. You can see when sex scenes go from Eiden and whoever the clan member is having sex just to have it to having sex because they genuinely care for each other and want to physically bond. I could delve deeper into this topic, but I'm sure you all understand by now what I'm trying to say. Sex is not just an accessory or perk. It's part of the worldbuilding

Minors will not be able to escape nsfw within the fandom. Since the game's release, the fan base has been entirely made up of adults. Since we are all adults, we freely talk and post about the nsfw parts of the game. You go on any social media platform where Nu: Carnival is discussed, and you will see nsfw. It's a very casual topic in the fandom, and in a way it's something that bonds us together… As weird as that may sound. My point is, making a censored version of the game is pointless, because the source itself in inherently nsfw and the fan base is full of adults making nsfw content which is usually uncensored since the artists expect for anyone in the fandom to only be adults

Minors in fandoms often bring drama... Hear me out on this one. Not to sound like one of those "grr minors dni I hate minors" people, but kids in fandoms often bring drama and discourse. As aggravating at it is, I have to admit that it isn't entirely their fault. When you're in your early teens, you're starting to discover yourself. You become very opinionated and defensive over your beliefs because you're trying to figure out who you are and where you stand in life. You're trying to gain independence and autonomy. It's normal... But it's very draining. Since Nu: Carnival has an all-adult fandom, there isn't a lot of drama at all. Sure, you're going to have stupid people saying stupid shit to start drama, that happens everywhere, but those people are typically ignored because it isn't too common. With kids coming into the fandom and starting unnecessary drama, it'll be so much harder to avoid. Not only that, but kids don't have as much media literacy as adults do. It's not an insult, but simply a fact. Nu: Carnival delves in a LOT of heavy themes in the game. Some of which are stated outright while others require you to read in between the lines to pick up on them. Since the fandom is all adults, it's easier for us to handle these topics and discuss them maturely

Why are the devs doing this?

My guess? Money. The devs are part of a company after all. At the end of the day, all companies want to make money. By making a game they can put on app stores, the game becomes more visible to a broader audience. People who have never heard of Nu: Carnival before will see what appears to be an innocent anime game when it's far from that. All it will take is a simple google search for people to see the the game is very much nsfw and not something minors should indulge themselves in. It's dangerous for both parties involved, both the minors and the adults

But hey, whatever's bringing in the money, right? Sigh...

[vermilionsun]

If you are still open for requests..how about Ais and Kuras (or pick which one) with a child/children?

Of course!! Don’t hesitate to send in more if ya want <3

Ais

Father figure of the year

✩ Pretty chill in general

He's the type of dad who will let you have a good time but also make sure you're staying safe.

✩ Always there to lend an ear or offer advice… or constructive criticism—

You can always count on him to give you straightforward and honest advice, even if it's not what you want to hear. Even though he may not always agree with your choices, you know that his intentions are always good and that he genuinely cares about your well-being. Ais may not show his emotions openly, but his love and support for his child would be unwavering.

✩ Seems to know exactly what to say in any situation.

Whether you need help with a problem or just want someone to talk to, he is always there for you (with judgment /j)

✩ Don't even bother to lie to him.

He can see right through any facade and will always know when you're not being completely honest. His ability to detect deception is uncanny, but it also makes him a trustworthy confidant. Besides, what even did you do that made you think the consequences would be that bad? (Or even exist?) Partying? Smoking? Drinking? Drugs? Sex?

✩ “Lame. When I was your age I was way worse—”

✩ CRAZY parent lore.

And he mentions it so casually every time. Like, he's seen (and done) it all before. Nothing seems to faze him in the slightest.

✩ He's the kind of guy who would drop everything to help his kid, no questions asked.

✩ On the other hand, if we're talking about babies…

He might be a bit (completely) clueless when it comes to diaper changing, feeding schedules, or soothing a crying infant. However, his willingness to learn and his dedication to being the best parent he can be are admirable qualities.

✩ He's the type of person who will spend hours researching the best parenting techniques and tips.

✩ He gets the hang of it pretty quick.

✩ He is incredibly patient to the point where it becomes a bit scary. 

✩ COMMITTED.

From reading bedtime stories to playing endless games of peek-a-boo, a cheerleader, a rock, a shoulder to cry on—he's all in when it comes to being a parent. 

✩ GIRL DAD

✩ If anyone dares to think about touching his child, they'll never see the light of day again.

Kuras

24/7 confusion

✞ This begs the question of whether the child would be half-angel.

Let's assume so, because it becomes ten times funnier.

✞ Absolutely  b e w i l d e r e d  in the beginning.

✞ “...Why does it cry so much?”

Another question that often arises is, "Is there something wrong with it that I can't see?" He's just… confused. He doesn't really understand babies. Kuras is used to living a fast-paced, independent lifestyle, so the idea of being responsible for a helpless infant is overwhelming for him.

✞ Incredibly good once he figures it out.

Despite his initial confusion and overwhelming feelings, Kuras quickly adapts. Kuras is always on call to help with midnight feedings and diaper changes, making sure the baby is well taken care of around the clock.

✞ “Uh… honey? The baby is floating.”

Cue Kuras calmly walking into the room and safely guiding the baby back to the ground with a knowing smile. It becomes a common occurrence in the household. 

✞ Eventually takes on the role of mentor, teaching the child how to control their powers and use them for good.

✞ Slightly strict

Believes in setting boundaries and enforcing rules to ensure the well-being and safety of his children. He considers discipline an important aspect of parenthood, as it helps instill good behavior and values in his kids. He may come off as harsh at times, but it all stems from a place of love and protection. Kuras wants his children to grow up knowing right from wrong and understanding the importance of structure in their lives.

✞ Comfort

He listens without judgment, allowing his children to express themselves freely. Kuras encourages open communication and fosters a strong bond based on trust and respect.

✞ Don't even bother to lie to him part 2

If you try to sneak out, he'll be waiting for you at the door, arms crossed and a stern expression on his face. You can try to pull one over on him, but chances are, he'll see right through it. It's better to just be honest and upfront with him, because he always seems to know what's going on.

✞ Consequences

Although Kuras seems disappointed at times, he knows that it is all part of the process of growing up and learning from mistakes. He understands that his children need to make their own choices and face the consequences of those choices in order to become independent and responsible adults. Kuras tries to offer guidance and support, but ultimately allows his children to take ownership of their decisions and experiences.

✞ Always puts his children's needs above his own.

✞ Being the doctor he is and a parent can be a challenging juggling act. Kuras, however, manages to balance both roles with grace and dedication.

✞ T r i p l e t s

✞ If anyone dares to harm their child, he will stop at nothing to protect them. Fuck repentance and forgiveness; Kuras will seek justice with a vengeance that knows no bounds.