#like WHY doesn’t she go to the soul society after the first attack during the tybw????

[saaraofthesand]

It really do be like that

[astrobunnn]

I'm so tired of reading and hearing "oh Six is sooo sadistic, I mean, she's so evil warming her hands with the body of the doctor burning alive and going feral on the puppet boy" like, I'm sorry but HAVE YOU SEEN THE WORLD THEY LIVE IN????

Big warning, this post will contain spoilers for all games, so don't read if you don't want to be spoilt.

Like, first of all you need to consider you're looking at her with morals that we apply in our world and current society, this fictional world little nightmares is set in is cruel, Grimm, dark, scary, you name it! It's not friendly towards the children living in it. If a child leaves the "prison" they're meant to stay in, the adults will do anything to stop them, and for the most part it seems to be to kill them.

If you leave Six to idle in areas with toys she will play with them, because she's a kid, but she doesn't have always access to toys, and kids do what they can to keep themselves entertained, and by the looks of it, Six hasn't grown in a place where she had access to them, so she entertains herself with whatever is at hand. All they learn from the adults is that if you go close to them, they'll kill you, hurt you, trap you, so what does she do when she finds a mannequin? She does the same she sees the adults doing! The doctor was snapping pieces from the mannequins and re-assembeling them, and the huntsman killed whatever he could find and skin it to taxidermy it, and I hear you thinking "but rebe, the doctor is evil and sadistic, so if Six learns from him that makes her evil and sadistic" and yes, learning bad behaviours will make you bad, but she's not inheritally evil, she learns from the world she lives in, which is sadistic and evil.

And it boils my blood that people say "but Mono is good!" Uh, sorry stans but he's just like Six. In fact, when it comes to fighting, Six's first reaction for the major part is to run. Mono's is to fight if the tools are available. I hear you saying, "but Six grabbed the gun first in the hunters cabin before they killed him!" But who took the gun off the wall to use it first? She saw what Mono had thought of to save themselves, she acknowledged and agreed it was their best chance, so they use the gun together. She did attack that porcelain boy in the school (unless you kill it first), but the thing is these bullies trapped her and were tormenting her, they attacked her first, so obviously she will not wait around for it to happen a second time, this time she is going to avoid it at all costs because her own safety comes first and she is angry.

And yeah, she did curl up to toast up after they burn the doctor alive, and it seems Six's idea to burn the Doctor in the incinerator, but this Doctor was literally chasing them to kill them. To quote another popular game "in this world, it's kill or be killed", and in this world little nightmares is set in. There is barely any space left for mercy, which is what Mono has taught Six. To show compassion and help out others in the same boat, because he helped her escape the huntsman, and she understands that if they help eachother out she has a higher chance of survival.

I won't go into the fact that she drops Mono, because there's many theories covering that, and in my personal opinion, she was pissed with Mono over the music box situation that just happened and then she noticed that he had the same face as the thin man, again, in my opinion she saw what he would become, and she tried to stop it. But I'm not here to talk about this.

Now let's move on to Six of the first game and why I said Mono taught her compassion. The Six of the second game could not be bothered with other beings other than Mono, but in the first game she wants to befriend the Nomes. She had a friend in Mono and she liked having a friend, so she tries to make friends before the hunger/corruption takes over her.

Why did she eat the rat alive? I'm sorry to sound redundant but have you seen the world they live in???? Food is scarce, so she has to eat whatever she can find and as soon as she can. It is true that she should have killed the rat first, maybe skin it because ew furr, but the tower corrupted her with the Hunger, so just how she eats the run away kid, she ate what would satisfy this hunger which seems to be the souls of the living.

What I'm saying with all of this is that Six is not evil because she's inheritally evil, she's not evil because she feels like being naughty. She lives in a world that tries to kill her constantly so she just does what she has to survive, and she is being a kid however way she can during so, and we can't keep judging her based on our morals that we've created thanks to how we've grown up, but put yourself in the shoes of these kids who are just trying to survive.

You can't say Six is evil without saying all the other kids trying to survive are also evil because they'd all end up doing the same actions one way or another.

Except Runaway kid, because he was an angel and too pure for that rotten world.

[midnight-in-town]

Why Jane is a demon

Back to Mey & Ran’s investigation we go: since I have some time, I want to do a recap post on why I think Jane is a demon and is also possibly John Brown, Victoria’s aide. 

This sums up different posts that I previously wrote on Jane and on John being supernatural [x][x] and also possibly the main attacker behind the massacre at the Phantomhive manor, 4 years ago. 

Premise

First of all, to replace the context: Heathfield was “looking to replace his wife” who died in a carriage accident along with their daughter. 

Whether or not we think this was just a big lie, so that he could appeal to young women with a lower social standing in order to have intercourse with them (while UT maybe promised to eventually revive his wife or something), it’s clear that Abby and at least another servant used to be a part of the Aurora Society and were the ones driving this whole blood collect operation.

Meanwhile Jane was hired as a security guard...

 ...which means that she’s unrelated to the Aurora society. 

Notion of a job contract between Heathfield’s household and Jane

That’s the simplest clue: many readers noticed the way Jane talked whenever she referred to her job in the manor:

&

At some point, she also said that she would never do more on a job than what was directly asked of her (it was mistranslated in English so I won’t add the panel) and this all sounds very typical of demons speaking about their contract.

In other words, Jane stuck to her contract like glue, up until the operation was dismantled by Ciel’s allies. We’ll get back later to why a demon would give up when she could have easily defeated at least Mey. 

Jane’s behavior towards Baron Heathfield

Also something many readers noticed, as in, Jane lacked a lot of deference towards “her master”. 

This could be explained by the fact that she, as a demon, has no respect for him as a human (remember, Seb sees humans as grasshoppers & their soul as food). Besides, it’s very hard to be the master of a demon: our!Ciel does a rather good job, considering the wild and mocking beast that is Seb. 

So it’s not hard to think that Heathfield didn’t have it in him to correct & control Jane’s behavior towards him (if he even cared to do so in the first place).  

Parallels to S1 of the anime

As much as I kinda dislike admitting it (since I’m no fan of the anime), this arc was rather reminiscent of the one with Angela Blanc and Henry Barrymore. As we know, Angela eventually turned out to be a fallen angel and also Ash Landers, the Queen’s aide. 

So, while I’m really not sure angels are meant to appear in the manga, Jane being supernatural and having a “male counterpart” (named John) that we already met would be in tune as a parallel. Which leads me to the second part of the post.

Jane = John? 

As I linked to above, it is my belief that John Brown was hinted to be supernatural and even possibly a demon (instead of, like, a Shinigami or Angel). 

So, if John is indeed a demon, then it is likely to think that his master and holder of the contract is Queen Victoria and, in that case, one can wonder what was the point of “Jane” entering a contract with Baron Heathfield. 

Too many demons can spoil the soup

Unlike Shinigamis who are introduced in almost every arc (we get it, Yana), I’m personally against the possibility that Jane could be a third demon (assuming John is indeed one), because that’d mean introducing a pretty powerful character with literally no agency after Mey & Ran’s investigation, when we are far into the story and the plot is complex enough as it is. 

Yeah, storytelling-wise, it doesn’t sound like a good idea.

Besides, if Jane is a demon who only was in a contract with Heathfield, then...

...one can wonder what he even paid to have her summoned. That’s why this explanation makes not much sense, I find, considering the household seemed to have no idea at all about Jane being possibly supernatural.

Whereas if we’re considering that Jane already was in a contract with someone else, then it gives her a lot of agency + it means that meeting Heathfield and entering a very secondary contract with him would not have needed fare for the crossing (making the process even more simple). 

Why the presence of a demon at Heathfield’s manor

If we’re considering that John = Jane, then Jane would have been gathering intel on the blue sect’s operations for her real master: Queen Victoria. 

After all, remember that discussion between Victoria and Brown at the end of the Weston arc? 

Victoria clearly was interested in UT’s bizarre dolls (because she wants Albert back? Because they’re great war weapons?), so if she’s slightly aware of what’s been going on since ch140 and the real!Ciel’s return, then it’d make sense that she’d send her precious aide to gather info for her. 

And what Jane discovered is that the Bizarre Dolls need blood (amongst edited records and episodes) to function properly and long enough. 

As for that possible secondary contract that she made with Heathfield: we don’t know what it was about (maybe getting to eat the dead maids’ soul?), but it doesn’t nullify the contract with Victoria, seeing as Seb confirmed multiple contracts are possible.

Why Jane didn’t try to fight for long against Mey and Ran

If she’s a demon, then she theoretically had the strength to escape Mey’s gun and win, but there is a main explanation as to why she gave up: she didn’t want to be found out as a supernatural being. 

After all she was facing Ran & Mey and:

Ran showed that she was indeed strong as hell, which makes it interesting to ponder if she’s also a supernatural being or a strength-enhanced human (like Finny)

Mey is Ciel’s staff (and if Jane = John, it’s possible Jane would have known about that fact), so Jane proving to Mey that she was more than human would mean Ciel & Seb would get to hear about it and I’m pretty sure Jane/John wouldn’t want that. 

Another additional possibility is that Jane had gathered enough info, as her original mission requested, and she had no reason to stay longer (except maybe to eat some more souls, as per her contract with Heathfield, who knows). 

Ending word: what about the other investigations?

There is a lot at stake here and, as we know, UT definitely needs stopping. 

So it’s interesting to think that we possibly saw the Queen’s side gathering info on the situation through Jane, while Ronald (definitely representing the Shinigamis’ Organization) just made his appearance during Bard & Lau’s investigation. 

While Ronald’s arrival is definitely bad news (because it means people are going to die and for all we know Bard might be one of them), it makes one wonder who we’ll meet next if we get to read about Finny & Snake and Ciel & Seb: finally one of the remaining star lords? another government’s spy (France? Since UT went there some time ago)?

We’ll see!

Anyway, sorry for the long post, I hope it managed to convey my thoughts a little more clearly than my old posts. Don’t hesitate if you guys have any question! 

[bansheeoftheforest]

Uh, is there still an angst break? Ignore this ask until your ready if so 👉😎👉

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What was the au where Jekylls pushed down the stairs and experiences a skull crackening again? Oh well but I've been thinking of a branch of that where Jekyll doesn't know hes dead like all day. I also cant remember if that was already discussed or not

The lodgers patch him up, he complains of a headache, and goes on his merry way! He's confused why all the lodgers are so nervous and being nice to him all of the sudden, why creature is looking at him with a stange mix of empathy and pity. He was told he fell down the stairs, fell unconscious, and obtained a bit of an injury. He cant fathom why Frankenstein is "The only doctor who can treat him" why he has to constantly go to her for checkups. Why Maijabi is suddenly following him practically everywhere.

Hyde squeezes back control for a moment and tries the potion but it doesn't work. Maybe a bit of pain but certainly no transformation. Jekyll assumes his injury or whatever medication they're giving him to treat it somehow negated the effects

Jekyll complains about "suddenly blacking out" the lodgers know its because his soul is slippery. They tell him it must just be a side effect of the injury and not to worry

How long can they keep it secret from him? When does he find out? Does he? Does it get to be years only for him to realize that he hasn't aged? That he still needs checkups from Frankenstein? Does he learn sooner? Does a lodger crack and say it? Does he rot? Does he notice how so very cold he is. How animals act around him? It's all very interesting,,

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I actually did think a bit of Jekyll's kidnappers for the amnesia kidnapping au! When drawing that lil sketch of Henry and O'Leary meeting Robert I had considered making it so O'Leary was suspicious of Lanyon like "Oh theres no news anywhere of someone matching Thomas' description who's missing. But some random people walk up claiming to know him? Begging to take him back with them?" And he'd think they were the kidnappers. But ultimately I decided against it as I felt Lanyon and Rachel were pretty clearly, genuinely concerned for "Thomas" :p

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I tried playing assassins creed once, the first(?) one. But the controls were confusing and everything was sorta thrown all at me at once, and I got bored of it quickly

But! I went to the store the other day and just so happened to notice Syndicate was being sold for 15 dollars 👀 So I bought it because funky Victorian assassins and your influence! It's a bit less confusing then the first ac game I tried but why is going down or dropping so hard bdksnks. I'm having quite a bit of fun! If you dont count my rage and annoyance-, the B button refuses to cooperate with me unless I'm looting corpses >:(

The b button being the bane of my existence aside, I AM having fun! I like the funky outfits and I want to play as the girl twin (evie?) forever because her clothes are good and shes better at attacking than jacob(?) For some reason. Probably the stun her weapon has? Oh well! I have not unlocked any new outfits yet, nonetheless I wish there were more.

Also! I was thimking, and my current quests are taking place at 1868? Did I get that right? And Jekyll is like 35 in 1885. So in game he'd be 18! An au like I believe you mentioned sounds very interesting 👀 but I must play more to know what's going on and daydream about it

That would be the resurrection au <3

But god, I really like that branch! Especially combined with the hc that he can't feel pain bc the HJ7 and the transformations made him immune. Frankenstein patched him up and made fleshweaver to heal the crack in his skull but it still has to be bandaged, he surely broke a few bones, yet all he has to do is to be careful because it doesn't even hurt. He doesn't even realize how severe the injuries are because it doesn't hurt, it very well might just have been that he accidentally slipped at the bottom of the staircase and accidentally hit his head on the railing during his fall, rather than getting physically pushed and flying down the stairs, shattering his skull upon impact with the marble floor. Y'know what would be extra fun? If he only starts getting a bit suspicious about how severe the injury was once he realizes his lungs stop breathing for minutes at a time when he gets distracted, or his heartbeat stops dead in his chest. I know that that's not how biology or even creature works but lets say the HJ7 is funky, Zombie Jekyll my beloved. Perhaps he would only fully grasp what had happened once he blacked out too much and 'passed out', but his soul slipped out enough to leave his body unconscious on the floor while his soul/ghost was just... Watching. And it's not until Maijabi (who, as you said, follows him everywhere) immediately calls for more Lodgers saying that Henry's soul is getting unstable and Frankenstein's lousy job is starting to shine through that he fully understands that it was not a mere hit to the head. Or maybe it is when days, weeks, maybe months has passed and the headache never goes away, he only feels how his body starts feeling so much more... Fragile and delicate, that the guilt has eaten Helsby up alive and he corners him and spills everything, knowing he is going directly against what the group agreed to but not being able to keep it a secret much longer-- or maybe Creature would tell him immediately, once Henry is, for once, alone perhaps days after the initial accident. He cannot see Henry struggle to understand what is going on when he already knows what's happening to Henry, his mind, and his body. He doesn't listen to the plan that Frankenstein and the Lodgers has set up and immediately tells Henry the first moment they are alone. That would certainly be horrifying, I can only imagine how the Lodgers would find Henry after that, once he actually knows and manages to process everything. He would be so mad, not only to have been killed in the first place, but also because he was robbed of an afterlife because the Lodgers were selfish and could not accept the consequences of their actions. He would be mad, he would be so pissed and I have no doubt he might actually be mad at Maijabi too for even agreeing to help Frankenstein and the rest of the Lodgers. That anger would not stay long, though. That anger would soon turn into misery and sadness and paranoia so even as Henry has tried to push Maijabi away, Henry still ends up on his doorstep begging him to help him make sure he is not rotting, because no matter what anyone says, he is sure he can see rotten spots and patches on his skin and he is just so scared and jdhfjsdfdsfsfs... <3

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Ooooooohhh, I was actually daydreaming about this just this morning! Granted, I woke up at 5 and began to daydream to fall asleep quicker but I still like the thought of O'Leary being suspicious of Robert/Rachel/Jasper/the Lodgers bc he is protective of 'Thomas' and doesn't want anything bad to happen to him and especially with the idea that Henry still has hallucinations and they both think he was abandoned by his family, left to rot at a mental asylum. O'Leary might very well think that it might be Henry's friends and family that dumped him that Henry had 'escaped' the hospital and that's why they knew he was missing since the Asylum itself obviously wouldn't have posted the news... I really liked Jeks idea, okay? Like a lot, I absolutely love it <3

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Oh, the oldest AC game I played was Unity bc it was free after the Notre Dame fire, and I can confirm, I played 15 min and could not get through it even if i would have wanted to, it absolutely sucks so i have no doubt the older games are just as frustrating <3

BUT!!!! I'M SO GLAD MY CORRUPTION IS SPREADING AND YOU BOUGHT AND PLAYED IT AND ARE ENJOYING IT SO FAR!!! Trust me, Syndicate truly is an absolutely amazing game and is definitely one of my top 3 games of all time. I sometimes play it w my friend watching me play and trust me, I know that rage of trying to do smt but the character does smt else... or you try to do smt but the game doesn't react and you miss your chance... Oh well, still a wonderful game <3

My friend loves to play as Evie as well but I'm definitely playing Jacob every chance I get and I honestly get a lil pissy when I have to play as Evie bc I always prefer to play male characters, plus, I just like Jacob better bc he is a sweetheart. He is also canonically bisexual as hell!!! Have you met Abberline yet? The police officer? Him and Jacob together is one of my fave ships for the game. I also bought the ultimate/golden/whatever name it was edition so I had a bunch of extra outfits, I love the sherlock holmes outfit for Jacob but my friend keeps bullying me for it </3

Honestly? The time difference is the bane of my entire idea for the au bc if it's during their time Henry hasn't even graduated yet, and definitely not well-known enough for them to actively meet for whatever reason, and if you use the timeline for the jack the ripper dlc (in 1888) a lot of... Less than pleasant things happen so it wouldn't really make a lot of sense for a crossover to happen at that point but maybe it's just bc im a pussy and refuse to play the dlc. Rn, while imagining the au, I just imagine the 1868 timeline to be the same as the TGS timeline. I like to imagine the Frye Twins hearing about Henry and the Society and promptly breaking into his office to ask him to make poison and stuff for them. I also have a feeling that Jacob would flirt wildly with Henry and that Henry would be less-than-amused. It would also be a very fun thing with the fact that there would be two Henrys, with TGS Henry Jekyll and AC Syndicate Henry Green, soo... XD

[zenosanalytic]

Growing Up is Hard; It’s Hard and Nobody Understands

So I noticed netflix has Neon Genesis Evangelion up last week and started watching it front to back for the first time ever(this happens to have coincided with me being in a down-mood for your edification, dear readers u_u), finished it today, REALLY liked it, and I wanted to try my hand at explaining what the hell is even going on in NGE cuz it actl seemed super-clear to me(a person who has been consuming NGE analysis and post-NGE media for literally 25 years) u_u

Surface Plot; Or NERV: What the Hell Is It?

I’ll try to make this as brief as possible: An organization of super-wealthy individuals calling itself Seele(looking this up, it means soul in german) wants to possess the power of God. The final third or so of the series is clear on this; it’s all about power. Ikari Yui, a geneticist, is recruited by this organization, and her husband Gendo(having taken her name which says a LOT given typical Japanese practice) comes with her. In seeking out this power, they discover a hollow sphere underneath Antarctica(”The White Moon”), send an expedition there under the guise of the UN, encounter an entity with this power which they label an “Angel”, and do SOMETHING which prompts it to explode the continent flooding the earth and killing half the population(that Gendo left beforehand implies this may have been intentional, or that a bad outcome to Seele’s approach was easy to predict, tho in typical Gendo fashion, his is the only ass he cared to save).

Afterwards Seele blame the scientists for this outcome and send Gendo on a salvage mission which recovers both remains of the Angel, now dubbed “Adam”, and a device they dub “the spear of Longinus”. Seele creates Gehirn to study these remains for practical use; they clone “Adam” and dub the result Evas(Eves). Having cloned them, they now need a way to use and control them as the Evas are non-responsive. They hit on the idea of injecting people into them via the Entry Plug system, presumably to act as a brain. The first person to try this, Ikari Yui, was absorbed by the Eva(Unit 01); the second(Soryu Kyoko Zeppelin; Asuka’s mother) was partially psychologically absorbed by Unit 02, psychologically and mentally injured by this, institutionalized, abandoned by her shit USian husband Langley who remarried to her LEAD DOCTOR, and eventual kills herself in a hanging which Asuka either is the first to discover or, given her memories of promising to die with her/begging her not to do it, was present for. An important thing to note about this: Shinji and Asuka’s ability to sync with their Evas comes from the fact that their mothers are PART of their Eva’s identity, and all of their classmates are potential pilot-candidates. The implication here is that Seele KNEW this happened when you put adults into an Angel, and they KEPT DOING IT ANYWAY to create more pilots, but there’s no confirmation of that in series.

After the attempt at human adult control fails, Gendo combines Yui’s DNA with Adam’s and creates Rei. At the same time he is doing this another team, under Akagi Naoko, is developing Magi, a biomechanical computer for simulating the human mind(again: certain implication to this re: Evas though the series never says anything). Naoko is romantically interested in Gendo, and they start getting together(Gendo’s too much of an asshole to be said to date, I think). After Rei, a toddler, tells her Gendo calls her an “old woman” in private, not realizing this is insulting, Naoko kills her, then kills herself out of shame over having MURDERED A CHILD, and Gehirn is folded into a new organization, NERV, which Gendo is put in charge of. Rei forms the basis of the second attempt at controlling the Evas; child-pilots.

How they use Rei for this I’m not exactly sure. It could be because Rei is cloned from Yui(she easily syncs with Unit 01 before Shinji bonds with it completely), or because she’s part Angel via her Adam element(Kaworu says Angels merge with one another easily and naturally), or it could be they did something with Rei I’s corpse and Unit 00(I dont see how as it seems to require a LIVE pilot). Regardless, she is raised to be the pilot for 00, the prototype. MUCH later, when the rest of the Angels finally decide to come looking for Adam, Shinji is called in, and after his success Asuka(who like Rei and unlike Shinji has been training to pilot her whole life) is called to Nerv headquarters(under Japan, in the “Black Moon”; a second spherical hollow where they found another Angel they call Lilith) too.

Regardless the child-pilots are only a step in Nerv and Seele’s plans, as Rei is ALSO the template for the Dummy Plug system, the final step in complete control of Eva units. To put it simply, the Dummy Plugs are Rei-clones without her personality or memories, and will just do whatever the heck they’re ordered to. At least once during the series(and I’d argue two, possibly three times) Rei dies and is replaced by one of these clones through some process, which involves what looks like a pre 00 Eva’s spine and probably a Magi-like backup, which transfers her personality and memories into the new body.

So what is Nerv? Well it’s hard to say EXACTLY because Gendo is in some sort of conflict with Seele(and I want to keep my watches of End of Evangelion out of this post; to focus entirely on JUST NGE itself) and Nerv IS Gendo, but as the series states repeatedly it’s an attempt to control the future of humanity by controlling what they call “the power of god” which, given that it’s what most distinguishes the “Angels”, is the AT, or “Absolute Terror”, Field. What is the AT Field? It’s a field that can make or unmake any kind of matter or energy from basically nothing, and it also seems to have a strong tie to what you could call the Ego; to desires and sense-of-self. An AT Field gets stronger when the person generating it is experiencing powerful emotions; Confidence, sure, but also Fear, Abandonment, the Will to Live, and Anger.

That last bit is very important. Why? Strong AT Field effects require a powerful emotional motivation in the pilot combined with high sync-rates with the Eva(basically a lobotomized Angel-clone) generating the Field. The three pilots we meet, the Strongest candidates, are all exceedingly traumatized people, and Gendo is the direct cause of the trauma of two of them. At no point in the series is Gendo ever a good father to Shinji, he is CONSTANTLY unreasonable, neglectful, and cruel to him; he’s kinder to Rei but at the same time her loneliness, the state of her “home”, and her lack of self worth shows that he rarely interacts with her outside of missions or explains what’s going on beyond bald facts; and he COMPLETELY ignores Asuka, a deeply lonely child with a history of abandonment and close brushes with death; he even delegates bumping her from the program. This point is important because it’s important to recognize that Gendo is a bad dad on PURPOSE; that he instrumentalizes his bad dadness to traumatize Shinji(and Rei and Asuka, though sadly the series doesn’t focus on them enough for us to see much) as much as he can, because he thinks that trauma, that emotional instability and anger, MAKES SHINJI A MORE USEFUL PILOT; ie lets him generate more powerful AT Fields. This is never said clearly, but it’s clearly what’s going on as forcing Unit 01(and thus Shinji) into awful, heartbreaking, life-threatening situations is vital to his plan. Gendo’s a piece of shit, and I want ppl to recognize just HOW BIG a piece of shit he is, because I feel this powerfully.

And for what? For Power. To be “God”. To get the highest numbers. To generate the MOST Invincible Invincibility Shield. For Ridiculous, Absurd, Childish reasons. For, you know, the same reasons rich and powerful people do all the fucked up shit they do in the real world where giant magic robots thankfully DONT exist.

And how do they plan to do this? Through “Human Instrumentation”, which will literally kill everyone by turning them all into goo.

Metaplot; Or “SHINJI! Don’t Get in that Robot!!”

So, maybe this is just because(as said previously) I’ve been reading NGE Analysis and consuming media which NGE heavily inspired for ~25 years, but I think it’s old hat at this point to note that Neon Genesis Evangelion is ALSO an allegory for becoming an adult, centered on Shinji. However, it’s just really SO on the nose in this, so PERFECT as such a narrative, that I want to run through it real quick. Also: A Cruel Angel’s Thesis is basically a thesis-statement for this series; please check out the lyrics.

So Shinji is living under the guardianship of a teacher(yup: this series even takes a swing at how our society uses schools to warehouse kids so their parents can waste their lives producing “Value” instead of raising them), when the shitty dad that abandoned him decides he has a use for him after all and calls him up.

On meeting with a child he has not seen SINCE HE WAS A TODDLER LITERALLY ABANDONED HIM ON THE STREET WHEN HIS MOTHER DIED he immediately ambushes him with the command that he get in a huge body(that he grow up) to do what? Whatever Gendo tells him to, but specifically: commit acts of violence for Gendo and Seele’s profit. He tells him this will protect people; meanwhile doing it destroys those peoples’ literal homes. The rest of the series is a series of monotonous, incomprehensible “Tests” judging his, and his peers, worthiness for approval and affection on the basis of how well they can use those giant bodies to do what Gendo tells them(so: capitalist work), punctuated by unpredictable, brutal, traumatizing, and physically dangerous events(so: capitalist work). Every friend, and the one lover, he meets, he is placed in unnecessary, destructive competition with and, when they are male, forced to attack and(in the case of the one lover, Kaworu) kill them; this last comment on homophobia is so stark and obvs I don’t even feel like you can CALL it subtext, even IF it plays out over mostly a single episode(honestly this plotline should have been given more time). And all the time they’re doing this, they must ALSO continue going to school and maintaining the front that they’re happy smiley Heroes, completely normal and not traumatized at all, and Nerv and the government that lets them run this city is a great and wonderful organization. Is this not what becoming an adult, over your teens and 20s, feels like?

And then there’s Seele and Nerv. Able to move state governments as they wish, Seele CAUSED Second Impact(Global Warming). By not returning Adam’s remains, they’re CAUSING the Angel attacks on Nerv meant to retrieve them(the threat of Human extinction). The Angels eventually begin trying to communicate and Nerv’s response? Destroy them before they can; blow up the Evas(and their pilots) if they succeed. And to top it all off Seele and Nerv are actually trying to CAUSE the very extinction(Third Impact) they claim to be preventing! Seele and Nerv are just SUCH good metaphors for capitalism in our modern day.

The transwoman reading of Shinji also seems pretty dang strong to me, though I’ll only deal with it shallowly. Shinji is the only “male” of all the pilots. Outside of command and security, most Nerv staff are women. Being an Eva pilot, being Nerv staff, is marked as “feminine”, and Shinji is an Eva pilot; is a Nerv staffer. The body he gets into, Unit 01, acts as a metaphor for the large, imposing, masculine body he’s expected to have as an adult “man”, yet it’s also spiritually his mom -feminine- and his ability to use it is tied DIRECTLY with his ability to “Sync” with that spirit; with his ease and comfort being feminine. Even at the level of mere aesthetics, Shinji’s plugsuit makes him appear to have breasts! Going a bit deeper, he initially relates to the women around him by relating to their gender. He’s most at ease with Rei because of the personality traits she shares with him which, we know from his gender-policing of Misato from earlier in the series, are traits he considers feminine(ie: he doesn’t feel like Misato has them, so he thinks she’s being a woman “wrong” and gets oddly offended by this in a way that really feels more about him than her). Asuka is constantly expressing her frustration with him for not “being a man”, ie, for being “feminine” in her eyes, and he isn’t really bothered by it(her calling him an idiot seems to stick much more firmly). Misato and Shinji establish a modus vevendi when she accepts him as he is, allowing him to do the household chores and to cook; he’s comfortable and happy when accepted into roles his culture considers feminine, while most of the series is him bucking AGAINST the masculinity forced on him by Nerv, his father, and others. Again: this is a very surface-level engagement with the subject, but even at that shallow level I feel like the case for reading Shinji as a transwoman is pretty solid.

Dislikes

It’s not a perfect series by any means of course.

There’s allot of dialogue that’s pure 90s nonsense, though the series mostly includes it only to shoot it down.

Like I said above, I don’t think Rei and Asuka really get the time or attention they deserve. In general the series treatment of women is ...Weird... especially around the issue of sex. It’s really strange; in many ways it’s far better than most anime(spcl from that period) on this. Women are ACTUAL PEOPLE with psychology, opinions, and pasts; they’re allowed to have emotions of their own, and struggles, and to be damn competent; they are independent and their own selves rather than accessories or “prizes” to men. But on the issue of feminine sexuality it just gets suddenly so weird in this very particular old-school misogynist way. Like: it treats women’s attraction and reactions TO relationships as something devoid of and impenetrable to reason, without belittling the emotions(the desire and hurt) behind those reactions. That’s the only way I can describe it, and it’s so strange to see something that is both so insulting and sympathetic at once. Oh, and the Akagis in particular are done super-dirty for seemingly no reason I can see, tho I can guess, and Akagi Ritsuki is CLEARLY a lesbian(possibly bi lesbian) and also Rose Lalonde(srsl; her Deal should have been an unrequited, unspoken crush on Misato. They openly dealt with queerness re: Kaworu and Shinji they could have done it here too).

The Kaworu storyline should have been a series of episodes or even developed from the start with him as another pilot(maybe replace Toji with him), though they’d have to tone down his weirdness, at least at the start. A deeper dive on Shinji’s sexuality(honestly his attraction to Kaworu is SO much more immediate and believable than anything we see with him and Asuka, which there is basically nothing of beyond the ep where they had to do choreography for a fight, and that’s not developed on) would have really been appreciated, and having Kaworu be a bigger part of the series would have facilitated that.

Also honestly the whole series feels a bit rushed? Spcl the second half. Like I said: I haven’t done any followup reading lately, but I remember there being some budget problems or something, so maybe that’s the cause. Ironically it might actl also be why it’s as GOOD as it is; having to keep it short forces you to write concise and lean, and that’s probably why its themes and message are so clear. But, I’d have liked more rambling for character development, and more time spent on seeing Rei and Asuka react to the stresses we saw Shinji face(also they never really get moments to shine like he does; another negative common to the medium and genre). Asuka in particular, as a Japanese German with a USian temperament abandoned by her parents, already an outsider in SO many ways, coming to live in an entirely different culture where she’s even MORE of an outsider; forced to live with people(Misato and Shinji) she finds it impossible to relate to or connect with; who has literally NO ONE beside a single adult guardian who totally blows her off THE WHOLE SERIES after delivering her; PLUS her awful past: there’s just SO MUCH material I’d have loved to see explored more slowly and with greater depth, detail, and sympathy even if what IS there already is pretty powerful and effecting. She’s SUCH a good Vriska(so I’d also have loved to see her break more shit too >:>)

Conclusion

So Anyway: I really liked this series. It had its problems, there are things I’d have liked to see, but it absolutely deserves the reputation it has. I might write more about this, I might do a watch through INCLUDING End of Evangelion(which actl makes much more sense having watched the series, though having done so makes Shinji’s masturbation scene comPLETELY out of left-field like where the hell did THAT come from); we’ll see.

[fectless]

(This is technically in response to the post right below this one, as world building totally counts for it, right?)

Anywho, more fandom thoughts, but for BLEACH this time. I recently started rewatching the anime again for the nth time as part of my language practice (and having the Japanese subtitles on while watching it in Japanese is an experience) and reached that episode where Aizen and co. get rescued by Menos Grande after declaring their intentions to Soul Society. And then a few things hit me.

The first: Rukia says, the first time Ichigo sees her sending someone on via Soul Burial, that one neither feels hunger nor gets sick in Soul Society. We know that this is false for a few reasons.

Those who can become shinigami definitely need to eat and all souls need water which implies that they can suffer from thirst (and perhaps heat exhaustion).

Captain Ukitake is suffering from an unknown disease that makes him literally cough out his lungs. I’ve read something about it being a defect in the make up of his soul that is only not killing him because of the pact with the Soul King’s arm, but I cannot recall if this was canon or fanon (as the Blood War arc was just like that). If so, does this mean that sickness does occur in Soul Society, but so rarely as to not be mentioned? Or does it occur more in the outer districts? Why does it occur?

Hisana died from a sickness as well. Yes, it’s stated to be exhaustion, but I feel like that doesn’t make sense? Like, the flashback in the anime has her abandoning Rukia after she collapses while carrying her around. And she collapses later when she regrets this and goes to look for her sister. And then she dies.

Seriously, why does it occur? It’s weird. And it cannot be an Aizen thing as I’m pretty sure Aizen is younger than Ukitake. Is it because of what happened to the soul king? Does it have something to do with when people get sent on (like if they were close to being a hollow)? Is it because they died while sick? Is it because of their resolve?

...Do we never see sick souls in Soul Society other than them because they usually just. Die pretty soon after arriving?

And if spiritual power leaking is what causes spiritual pressure, and the “vents” can be closed... do people in the districts sometimes close them by mistake and then blow up? Is spontaneous combustion a thing in the afterlife?

The second: I’m pretty sure “Ichirin no Hana” is a love song that Byakuya is singing to Hisana’s memory.

Someone has probably stated this before, but the lyrics of the song literally say how some one, a “single flower,” is precious and can’t be replaced. How that flower bloomed despite being stuck somewhere dark and how they looked lovely but like they were about to wither away. And that the singer would accept all of their pain if only that person would smile and stay with them...

The title of the song also matches the title of the chapter in which Byakuya reveals to Rukia the secrets he’d been keeping from her about Hisana. He uses the same words, “ichirin no hana” to describe the season in which she died

Literally his whole dilema during this arc, the entire way he interacted with Rukia up to this point, was that he was conflicted between his sense of duty (to his parents, his wife and keeping his word) and his feelings for his beloved Hisana. Rukia’s physical resemblance to her sister is almost uncanny and the lie she is told when she asks why she was adopted was, “You look like Byakuya’s late wife.” How much must he have hated that? A person whom he had sworn to protect that, had she arrived two years earlier might have saved his wife’s (after)life? A person that looks just like his beloved, who reminds him of her every time he sees her (for those first 50 years), but is not and never will be Hisana. And then. To know that she’s going to be executed for crimes, that she felt she could not rely upon him enough to even let him know she’d encountered trouble in the human world when he’s been doing his best to ensure she’s safe (because that is one of the few reasonable explanations for why Rukia hadn’t been promoted yet, and then was promoted during the 3 year gap)? To see her stripped of her rank, her strength even (with that collar and the stone of the prison tower). To see a small form who so resembles his beloved all listless and soon to die, wearing a white yukata like his wife had in her last days...

Watching it again made me feel things, okay? Like yeah, it seems like it’s a stupid dilema from some perspectives. Especially considering Central 46 had a run in with Aizen by then, but. Byakuya was raised in the Seireitei. He was raised knowing that his life was the Seireitei’s tool. That his duty, his reason for existing was for the sake of his family’s honor, so he must be composed, must act as the family and Soul Society bid him. That’s some mighty powerful brainwashing/indoctrination right there. And he broke it once already to marry some nobody from the slums. He did something not only against the norms, but something selfish. Maybe if she’d had high spiritual power this would have been accepted, but she was sickly and likely did not. He went against the clan elders who had probably instilled obedience in him since birth and was afraid of doing it again.

(And if you count the filler arcs, you can bet that they held that one Kuchiki who went traitor against him too. Like: “he married that Hisana girl against our orders? What next? Will he betray Soul Society too?”)

And maybe I’m making a bigger deal out of his upbringing than I need to. Maybe it wasn’t really like this. But I feel like it really was. (Moreso with the filler arcs and what I’ve heard of the light novels.)

Also, this song and the way that the opening animation fit together really solidifies the whole “Ichigo and Rukia were always meant to have a tragic romance” vibe that I kept getting the first time I encountered this series.

The third: Rukia was likely younger than six months (physically) when she was abandoned, but I’m pretty sure that she was older than three months when she and Hisana died.

Her blanket was pink in the flashback.

Sure, the above might not seem to have much significance but it’s been proven in canon that clothes are part of oneself. I reblogged a post a while ago that went into detail, but to sum it up, clothes are part of your self image and your self image determines a bit about what you look like when you die.

Babies are usually no longer swaddled by the time they’re six months old, and some places recommend that you stop by the end of their second month.

Babies have pretty bad vision when they’re born. They take four to six months to reliably track objects in motion and use binocular vision decently. They take about four months to see across a room, and about two months to see farther than maybe 30 cm away. And around the three month mark, they start having decent color vision. Around then is when babies supposedly start showing color preference.

Babies tend to have poor long term memory. (To be fair, they’ve got a lot going on compared to being in the womb and sensory overload sucks.) Their memory by the age of six months is only a few weeks. Two months old had a memory span of a few days.

If she’s been consistently wrapped in a pink blanket, then by the time she’s old enough to see color, she would be old enough to remember what color her blanket usually is— or if it was a different color that particular day.

The fourth: when Gin raises his spiritual pressure on Aizen’s orders, Chad remains standing. This raised a bunch of questions as Gin is stronger than Yammy (to the best of my memory).

Chad remained standing. Yes, his whole fight with Captain Kyouraku was about his resolve and how he would stand by his friends and fight for their safety/ideals but. Like. Earlier that year, his spiritual strength was on par with Yuzu. He’d been friends with Ichigo for years which was why he was even that strong. He’d been in a Hollow attack maybe three times before Rukia was arrested and could only barely see them the time Ishida pulled a stupid and used Hollow Bait. Sure, he has experience fighting and he’d trained under Yoruichi, but it feels sus considering how the others fared.

Orihime fell to her knees pretty quickly after Gin turned up the pressure. She’d also fought against high-ranking shinigami at that point, and trained under Yoruichi, and fought off Hollow (alone even! And she was the reason why Sora moved on, despite Ichigo’s Blade purifying him) before. And yet... It could just be a lack of resolve, as that had come up in earlier chapters but it doesn’t feel right.

Ishida is excused from this due to circumstances.

Tatsuki has been friends with him for ages. Sure, it seems like they weren’t as close after his Mom’s passing, but by then they’d already known each other for quite some time. I’m pretty sure that they were hanging out semi-regularly through junior high/middle school, at which point he got close with Chad and she got close with Orihime. She also has experience fighting (admittedly in martial arts rather than the street fights Ichigo and Chad get dragged into). She experienced at least one hollow attack during Ishida’s Stupid Day. But she collapses as soon as Yammy shows up? That feels off.

In contrast, Ganju was struggling about the same amount. He was born to a noble family— who are known to typically have decently high spiritual power, like his older brother Kaien and his cousin/uncle Issin. He was raised in the Rukongai, meaning he likely came across Hollow attacks. (And those definitely occur.)

Makes me wonder things about Karin’s strength. Like, she managed to escape from the hollow who attacked their house to run for Ichigo’s help (manga) or lived long enough while alone with it that Ichigo and Rukia could come save her (anime), both of which are quite impressive for an eleven year old. She also kept up with Hitsugaya when they played soccer and he’s a captain. Based on Ichigo’s experience, it’s likely that she too will become stronger as she grows up. And does she have an inner hollow too, or is that Ichigo only? If White was simply a parasite and decided to stick to Ichigo I could accept it. But as a hollow Ichigo is a Vast Lorde, and hollows of that level can split into parts (like Starrk and Lilynette).

Does Yuzu not really have any spiritual strength because she inherited more of the Quincy genes from her mom and the hollow genes she inherited don’t balance out that same way it does in her siblings...? Food for thought.

TLDR: how and why is sickness as thing in Soul Society? Byakuya listens to rock music and I’m p. sure the third opening song is him angsting over his wife’s death; it also gave me strong feelings about how he was prolly brainwashed growing up so his angst over Rukia’s fate is not actually stupid. I continue to have IchiRuki feels. Rukia and Hisana died when Rukia was about 3 months old. And I am more confused now about how spiritual power works than I was before I started rewatching the anime for language practice. Also, more questions have arisen about hollows.

[numbaoneflaya]

Can I get a list of all ur ocs?

Well anon youve done it, you made me make a list of all my major OCS in one place. I hope your happy with yourself. Under the cut for obvious reasons, may link in my blog desc later.

Modern/BTD verse!!

Jilly- Ferret beastkin little creature, was recently turned into a werewolf by vincent as well so she's running around on full moons in a wereferret wolf hybrid creature form. Chaotic and friendly and wants to be everyone's bestie. She has the most energy in the world and is very kind hearted. Banned from most Claires for stealing and from one Home Depot for climbing the shelves. Prone to living life with rose colored glasses on and seeing the best in everything/everything even when there's nothing there. Socialization is a must for her and is why being basemented/kidnapped broke her psych so quickly and developed severe stockholm. Sometimes overly talkative/enthusiastic and can scare people off. Even if she sees someone shes decided shes friends with be noticeably 'evil', will convince herself it must be for some reason/her fault and ignore it.

Ciggy- Undead punk still learning to harness his powers to interact with the world as a ghost. Was sacrificed by a cult he joined for free concert tickets and to get laid. Likes to cause problems on purpose both pre and prior death and he's not above possessing someone once he learns how to. Was called Rooster in high school before he dropped out because he's loud, obnoxious and always screaming. And also has bright red dyed hair. Looking 4 ways to become less ghosty bcs he wants to be able to help raise his infant daughter, whom he died before he could meet. Bit annoying and in your face, likes poking at bruises, his or others. Kind of a sad heart seeking attention through volume and persistence.

Mike: Vampire loser! Sells drugs and lives at raves. Was turned when she was attacked by a coked out vampire (whom she supplied the product to) and has major scarring on her face and chest. Needs a somewhat constant influx of blood so shell sometimes take victims back to her place and chain them up, slowly draining them over time. Feels bad (ish) about it tho so it is possible to survive her if you are nice and or interesting enough. Kind of desperate for a friend and for love. Is a stalker. If she likes you enough/finds you interesting, she might just appear in your house one night and start rummaging through your fridge like nothing is wrong and youve been besties for years. Its best to indulge her and be friendly, otherwise she could turn violent quickly if her feelings are hurt.

Kilaine- Regular human woman, but fucked up. Born and raised by an elite waspy society she had an interest in the human body and pain tolerance since she was young. Quickly learned that these traits were socially unacceptable in most professions, so she became a doctor. The only family she cared about was her younger sister who she lost in a car accident, where they were flipped over and trapped inside while it was afire. While her sister burned up in front of her Kilaine only lost her left arm and had major burns on her body. This tipped her descent into sadism and she is now madly obsessed with bringing her sister back no matter the cost. Rude and offstandish, clinical.

Dragon age verse!

Thurwen- My main Hero of Ferelden with a bad temper and a heart of gold. City elf from the Denerim Alienage, 18 at the start of origins. She's a reaver warrior with a lot of pent up rage which sometimes scares others when she lets it out in battle. Over the years she's grown less moody as she's had to take the role of Commander. Crude sense of humor and violent impulses, very sensitive to the plights of others and tries often to help. Never seen crying in public but only cries to herself at night- major martyr and hanged man complex.

Caz- My circle mage elf inquisitor who was an apostate before the conclave. Blood magic, but make it sneaky. Wary of strangers and new faces, always dealing with the impulse to flee/find a high vantage point. Endless curiosity about the unknown/ the forbidden/ naughty, was supposed to be made tranquil for it but she escaped. Kind of a little creature as well, lived on her own for a while as an apostate in the woods, filed her teeth down to sharp ends to make herself look more intimidating (shes 5 ft tall) and less cute (her elf ears are huge and expressive, which shes embarrassed about)

Dag and Thagna- Carta twins! Professional lyrium smugglers since birth pretty much. Raised casteless in dust town and had to work their way up the chain of command by themselves. Dag is the brother, Thagna the sister. Their father traded them to the carta for drinking money and their mom died in childbirth so they have somewhat of a codependent relationship. Both charismatic and calculating, friendly and agreeable but won't hesitate to put a dagger in your back. Hard to pin down morally or physically, squirrelly bastards.

Reila: Dalish elf who works for the inquisition/ is the inquisitor in some aus. She has an extreme fixation on elvhen history and rebuilding what they have lost. Not a people person, prefers solitude. Takes some time to warm up to shemhlen as she has a hard history with them. Good friends with Caz, who recruited her in the first place. Doesn't understand very many social cues and finds societal expectations limiting and frustrating. Fondness for halla and hooved animals, which she finds graceful.

Elder scrolls verse!

Valkya: Near seven foot nord woman whos over a thousand years old by the events of skyrim. Tall and buff, two handed warrior and compulsive hero there to bask in the spotlight save the day. She was killed at the start of the events of Elder scrolls online and had her soul ripped out and sent to coldharbor and she's just been a pain in the ass about it since then. Her body can physically die and will not regrow pieces. Her soul however will escape and teleport to the nearest source of power where her body will regrow from an aetherial plasm until its whole again. Loud and brash, friendly and jovial. Actually pretty keen especially after centuries of life but prefers to play dumb as it makes people underestimate her. Plus, she really does enjoy mud wrestling and drinking contests and acting generally like a rambunctious frat boy. Ha developed a bit of a substance problem and a problem with acting out, as after being alive so long she would turn to anything to dull the ache inside of her that never goes away.

Espira- My Dragonborn! Redguard from Hammerfell who was briefly in the Ash’abah due to killing undead while protecting her parents water farm as a child. Ran away from them after years and went to Cyrodille, then to Skyrim and was caught crossing the border. Reserved, kind and soft spoken, she's a sword and shield warrior who's committed herself to doing good in the world by helping others. Dislikes killing and anything messy but believes it is often necessary in order to protect the weak. She blacksmiths often to save money on the upkeep of her own equipment, and takes up metal jewelry working as a hobby with the excess material. Prone to trusting others too much and giving too many second chances, as shes always looking for ways to make even the most hardened criminal a second look at life.

Riley- Espiras little brother who she locked in the wardrobe during the event of the water farm attack. In preventing him from doing violence against the undead she kept him from being conscripted into the Ash’abah. He's way more chaotic than his sister, and suffers from a case of little sibling syndrome in which he will often pester/poke at people just to get a rise out of them. Still kind hearted as his sister, he tries to hide it because he believes that the world is a cruel place and the cruel survive. Despite that belief he is often still unable to force himself to be cruel/careless, only making a show of it so that others leave him alone and don't see that he's very sensitive and emotional. Deaf in one ear due to a magic mishap in his youth, he trained and enchanted his most beloved rats to live for years and sit on his shoulder, alerting him to noises he would not otherwise notice.

Felria: Evil vamp :/ chaotic evil dunmer necromancer. Small and devilish and likes dead bodies too much. Manipulative and cunning, she loves acting. She's a trained assassin for the dark brotherhood and is the speaker. Likes dressing up for missions and wearing disguises like its all a play. Loves toying with people more than she loves killing them, will act in ways that cause as much trauma as possible for other people just for fun and she finds the reactions interesting. Considers herself too far removed from most people's perception of morality and of her so it's hard for her to trust someone or see them as worthy of knowing her. Finds the psychology of grief and fear to be interesting and wants to study them first hand. The hero of kvatch.

Herren: Fifty something year old rat woman looking for something to keep her going. Ran away from her wealthy family in her youth when they wanted her to take charge of the household, instead became an infamous jewel thief and swashbuckler. Spent most of her life traveling and stealing and double dealing. She's smarmy and sarcastic, a serial romancer of the highest caliber. Bit of a show off and a hedonist, always looking for the next good party or new product to snort. Her family died off due to the hard times she wasn't there for and she keeps looking for bigger and bigger heists to fill her appetite as she's chronically bored and lonely, though wont accept intimacy and will scoff at it out of the belief she doesn't deserve it. Irresponsible and selfish, lonely and terrified of any sort of commitment. Fun to party with though!

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 76-79

Chapter 76

Andi has a nice little poetic nightmare. It’s irrelevant. The next morning has the girls preparing for the ball, complete with dresses and makeup.

Some things to note include Lira saying that in Adhiran religion (which is global, I guess), one has to mourn for three days before “letting” the souls of the dead pass on into ... everything.

Andi tries to say that it’ll take time to heal from it all, but Lira is having none of it.

“It will take time to move past what happened on Adhira,” Andi started, but Lira held up a hand.

“My three days of mourning have passed. Lon’s and my aunt’s, too. Now we, and the others who lost loved ones during the attack, must give the lost spirits to the stars, to the trees, to the wind.”

Which basically means that she’s done feeling bad about the unexpected and brutal attack on her home planet, so that’s convenient. Well, if one of our main characters doesn’t care about her people getting senselessly murdered, then why should we?

She also lets us know that her aunt has fixed up the Marauder and brought it here, because of course. Lira wants to arrange for Lon to be transferred to the Marauder, and though she has a logical reason for it (taking him home personally), it’s only a setup so we know why he’s on there at the end of the book when Andi’s bleeding out and needs a universal donor.

Spoilers, I guess.

Andi’s mother, Glorya, intercepts Andi as she tries to leave her crew to their makeover montages, just so we can move into a scene where her mom is brushing her hair and babbling on about gossip and vapid high society stuff.

But Andi, of course, gets lost in a flashback that’s so amateurishly written it’s honestly embarrassing and only highlights Shinsay’s helpless reliance on flashbacks as a storytelling device.

Observe:

Her words faded away as memories took their place. Andi lost herself to them.

The whole flashback is written in italics for some inexplicable reason, even though it would’ve been fine as just regular text since we’re clearly told what’s happening now and what’s a memory.

Also, there’s one bit where the memory “fast-forwards” to a different one. Shinsay, this isn’t a fucking movie. This isn’t a screenplay. What the fuck are you DOING.

The flashback and the mother’s inane babbling are all there to illustrate how vapid and brainless Glorya is and how she only ever cared about her status and not about her kid. Glorya pretends that everything is back to the way it was but Andi curses her out for abandoning her when she needed them most and how “the way it was” was actually always shit.

I mean it’s fine. It’s all right. I see what they’re going for, it’s melodramatic as all fuck but it works for what they’re trying to do? I can see this as being a realistic way for an emotionally neglectful family to look like. I wish it was more nuanced and wasn’t just shoe-horned in here (Glorya doesn’t show up before or after this bit, this is the only time she’s ever present or even mentioned in this book in any meaningful capacity) for the sake of making Andi’s friends look better and for her to not have anything that anchors her to Arcardius, but like, I won’t say this isn’t realistic.

And then Shinsay can’t stop themselves and it’s back to silly time:

“Really, Androma...” 

[...]

“That is not my name,” Andi whispered. She allowed the darkness to come up into her voice, the mask of shadow and steel to sweep across her face. “My name is the Bloody Baroness. And if you or Commander Racella ever so much as utter a single word toward me or my crew again, I will personally strip the skin from your body and wave it like a flag from my starship.”

Glorya let out a soft squeak. Andi snarled with all of her teeth.

Guys I can’t breathe this is too fucking funny. And not in a good “woo vindication!” sort of way, but in a “they really put this right after an emotional confrontation about parental emotional neglect/abuse huh?” way. They really thought this was ... badass? Revenge? Andi, sweetie, you’re, like, traumatized? Presumably? I can’t really tell. But maybe get some therapy?

Do Shinsay think this is somehow a win and that Andi’s threat means she’s fully released from the hurt and pain her parents have caused her through their neglect? It’s honestly written as if Andi just confronted her mother and her own hopes of coming back to her family in this one short scene, and then upon realizing her parents never loved her, she scares her mom a little and then is all smug and satisfied at the end.

That ain’t how it works, darlings.

Then the annoying Marketable Space Pet runs in and starts biting Glorya’s toes and she runs away shrieking like a defeated Disney villain.

Way to undercut your own drama, Shinsay.

The chapter ends with Andi thinking about how her crew is her True Family for the bajillionth time. Because we’re all idiots and Shinsay wants us to remember that.

Chapter 77

It’s the evening of the ball and Andi thinks about how she missed Bavista, which is apparently your generic coming-of-age ball held at Arcardius for every 16-year-old. I’m guessing it’s a yearly thing? The book never clarifies. Not sure why the fuck it’s here tbh.

Actually, it’s a pretty good demonstration of how the worldbuilding in this book is presented so here, have at thee:

She could still remember seeing the otherworldly dresses and suits float by her on the feeds as she watched the girls and boys glide into the A’Vianna House in the Glass Sector. They seemed light as air, full of pride, bursting at the seams with excitement. Once inside, they would be greeted by members of the Priest Guild, who would award each young person three items.

The first was a vial of water from the Northern Ocean, symbolizing strength. For growth, they accepted a single leaf from the oldest tree on Arcardius, known as The Mother, which was said to have been planted when the Ancients first arrived. Lastly, they were given a single floating pebble, no larger than a child’s fingernail, chiseled from the very gravarock where the Cortas estate was. It represented the wisdom of rising above.

Is this relevant to anything? Does this help you understand this world or its inhabitants? Does it tell you anything of the culture of Arcardius or its youth and what’s expected of them? No? It’s just a really generic list of things thrown together using Mystical Proper Nouns as glue? Weeell heeell.

Also what does “it represented the wisdom of rising above” mean? This is utterly generic and means fuck-all, that’s what.

Anyway, Andi’s admiring herself in the mirror. Her dress is very sexy, trust me, I can’t be bothered to include it so just imagine your favorite My Immortal outfit description. It does include sword holsters at the back, which are Andi’s favorite part, because she’s a strong independent woman who don’t need no man. She never actually uses them or brings the swords to the ball so ... Idk what the point of this was.

We also get some shit about how Andi actually LOVES dresses and being pretty but she never admitted it to anyone. But don’t you worry, this badass space criminal LOVES all things girly, because that’s feminism! Can someone check in on Shinsay? I’m not sure they’re getting enough air with their heads so far up Sarah J Maas’ asshole.

Admitting to herself that she looked pretty was something Andi kept private. She didn’t want to give her crew the satisfaction of knowing her true thoughts about fashion. How even though she was a fierce, hardened criminal, she could still appreciate the joy of a beautiful, impractical ball gown.

Huh. And here I thought they were your family. That’s weird that you’d keep this information from them, especially considering all of them seemed pretty excited to be prettied up in the last chapter. I guess they’d really just haaate the idea of sharing this joy with their captain, huh? Why aren’t you admitting this to them, Andi?

You’re saying shit about how “even though” you’re a hardened criminal, you can “still” appreciate beautiful gowns, like those two are somehow contradictory. Are you, mayhaps, ashamed of having this traditionally girly interest? Hmm! Interesting. Why could that be, I wonder? Why would having traditionally feminine interests or even caring about one’s appearance be seen as something inherently shameful or embarrassing, as inherently contradictory to being fierce and “hardened?”

This is all just so *clenches fist* feminist.

Forreal though, somehow Shinsay managed to take their entire made up GALAXY and make it subtly and not-so-subtly sexist. Good job, morons. Really girlbossed that one, huh?

The only bit I like about this whole mess is this:

The dressmaker had also accented her gown with a sparkling necklace full of jewels that Andi didn’t plan on giving back.

This is the one and only space pirate-y thing Andi does -- sorry, considers doing -- in the whole book and honestly could’ve been used to build her character more, but it’s just a one-off joke here. Wasted.

Valen comes to fetch her and we get some subtle foreshadowing.

“Valen the Resurrected.”

He stopped to look at her, brows raised. “What?”

She shrugged. “It’s what the press is calling you in all the feeds.” Valen let out a deep chuckle.

[...]

“Something tells me things are about to change for the better,” he said. “I’m ready to see it all happen.”

Andi wondered what he would do now that he was home with a whole planet at his disposal.

He deserved to have some fun.

Is it bad that I’m rooting for Valen to destroy everything? And this isn’t my villain-fucker coming out, I just want this poor bastard to absolutely annihilate Andi and her gang of acolytes.

Chapter 78

Andi and Valen arrive at the ball. It’s all very pretty and space-y and aesthetic. There’s a bunch of aliens everywhere. Andi sees a woman with funky eyes and assumes it’s a body mod, because I guess she knows the genetic characteristics of every species by heart and can tell when something is real or not.

An old classmate of theirs comes up to talk to Valen and congratulate him on being alive, then Andi reminds him of who she is just to be a smug asshole and the guy fucks off in a panic. She’s just so cool and badass, you guys.

Then it’s time for Valen and Andi to dance, and of course General Cortas looks like he’s about to lose his marbles because these darn kids! >:(

The chapter ends on Andi noticing Dex pouting in the distance.

“Relax,” Andi whispered. “Let’s give them something to talk about.”

She flashed him a wicked grin as the music began.

And as Valen spun her into the first move of the dance, Andi saw Dex standing on the fringes of the crowd, an expression of longing clear on his face.

Chapter 79

This chapter is exactly 298 words of Dex moping around about how he’s actually not over Andi at all when he thought he’d done such a good job of repressing his feelings, and how he should be the one dancing with Andi instead of Valen. If you’re surprised, you’re clinically dead.

[recurring-polynya]

Hey an AU request for you:

During Renruki separation what if the roles were reversed. Like if Renji gets adopted (in some rival noble clan) and Rukia is left behind. Or else if Renji is going to be executed instead of Rukia. Want to feel the angst from Rukia's POV.

Let me know if these scenarios are good enough.

Thanks as always ☺️❤️

Hello, yes, I realize this was not precisely what you were asking for, but here is a scene that has been charging me rent in my own head since at least 2019, and it’s close enough and I am using this as an excuse to get it out. Thank you for your indulgence.

The actual role swap in this scenario is what if Renji had gotten Sode no Shirayuki, a zanpakutou who embodies patience and planning and thoughtfulness, and Rukia ended up with Zabimaru, a zanpakutou who just wants to fuck shit up.

Read on ao3 or ff.net (this one felt substantial enough that I made it a standalone and also I finally had an excuse to name a fic after one of my favorite Oh Hellos songs.)

🗡️     💔     💀

The air is heavy and thick in the World of the Living. It is oppressive, as if this very plane has its own reiatsu, as if it intends to oppose their mission. It’s just a thunderstorm gathering, though, a combination of atmospheric pressure and electrical potential.

Kuchiki Renji, Lieutenant of the Sixth Division and Heir to the great and noble Kuchiki Clan would like to finish this up before they are drenched, but he isn’t optimistic.

He stands on the roof of a human house, looking down at a nearly identical residence across the street, although this one bears signage indicating that it is also a neighborhood medical clinic.

Renji cannot feel her, but he doesn’t expect to. When Rukia doesn’t want to be found, she doesn’t get found, end of story. Renji can feel the human though, the human whom Rukia has given her powers. He can’t fathom why, but all of Rukia’s ways are inscrutable, they always have been. From the morning she saved his life from an enraged water vendor to the evening she walked away from the adopted family that gave them both names and a place in the world, Renji has never understood a single thought that entered her thick skull. Even if he can’t understand her, though, she is transparent to him, predictable.

He just needs to draw her out. And that part is easy.

Byakuya says nothing. Renji has explained his logic, and Byakuya is giving him the six feet of rope he needs to hang himself. Byakuya is also inscrutable, yet predictable. Sometimes, Renji wonders how the man managed to live in the same house as Rukia for as long as he did.

“Nii-sama,” Renji says softly. Byakuya does not like being asked for reassurances, but on this point, Renji requires it. “The orders said capture or kill.”

Byakuya waits.

“Shall I strive for the first?”

Byakuya makes a tiny throat-clearing noise. “I have fulfilled my obligation to that girl. I owe her nothing. Do what is necessary.”

Byakuya would never come out and tell Renji to kill Rukia, but the message is clear enough. Despite separating herself from the family thirty years ago, a trial, a jail sentence will be an embarrassment to the Kuchiki, an exhumation of old mistakes. Rukia will always be an inkblot on Byakuya’s conscience. Byakuya has never held this against Renji, which is probably the only sign of affection his adoptive brother has ever shown him.

Renji has done nearly everything Byakuya has ever asked of him. He is an obedient brother, hardworking and respectful. He practices the family sword form, he studies the history of Soul Society, he respects his elders. He has risen in the ranks of the Gotei, he has gained his bankai, he wears the kenseikan, even though they bite into his scalp. But Renji was only adopted into the family for one reason: to ensure Rukia’s compliance, and in that, he failed.

It is time to make up for that.

Renji jumps lightly from one rooftop to the other and over the ridge of the roof. The boy’s window is on the rear side of the house. He drops down onto the windowsill. His Hell Butterfly hovers at shoulder height. “Go on,” he urges it forward, to create a passage through the wall of the house. He hopes his hunch is correct. He does not relish the idea of murdering a young human in his bed.

It is not an issue. A dark shape rips itself from the shadows, but Renji has his zanpakutou from her sheath in an instant. Instead of Zabimaru’s wicked serrations, however, he finds himself blocking the worst shakkahou he’s seen since Byakuya sent him down to Shin’ou to scout out next year’s crop of students. It’s enough to momentarily blind him, though, and he leaps down to the ground to find steadier footing.

This isn’t right. Although Rukia prefers to rely on her sword, it’s not out of her M.O. to use kidou for a sneak attack. But why bother with a distraction when she could have just blown his head off? Rukia’s kidou are rarely elegant and Renji isn’t sure she even knows the chants, but what she has is power. Or rather, what she had.

Renji scans the backyard slowly. The grass at his feet is freezing over in a slowly widening circle. Careful, careful! Sode no Shirayuki sings in his mind.

Suddenly, he feels the crackle of hainawa and he leaps out of the way just in time, flinging an avalanche of ice in the direction of his attacker. Rukia’s kick catches him in mid-air, but he blocks it with a forearm. It doesn’t ring through his bones the way it should, though.

Renji lands on his heels and skids a few feet. Rukia’s toes hit the dirt just a second after. For a moment, their eyes meet. The air is so humid, it’s thick enough to swim in.

“Abarai,” Rukia snarls, baring a sharp canine. “Of course, they would send you.” She snorts. “Scratch that, I bet you volunteered.”

Renji sneers at her, but ignores the dig at his name. “I’m impressed, Rukia. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone botch a patrol mission so thoroughly.” He sheaths his sword.

Rukia barks out a laugh. “What’s this? Your sense of fairness? Gonna try to kill me with your bare hands, then?”

He’d rather not kill her at all. Byakuya will be peeved, but Renji doesn’t like the idea of running through an unarmed woman. “What is this, Rukia? You’ve given a human your full powers, haven’t you? Why?”

“It was an accident,” Rukia mumbles, her eyes darting to the side.

Renji narrows his eyes. “Where did you get that gigai?”

“A friend.”

“There was an intelligence report from the Stealth Force. A Menos showed up, just for a few minutes before it was driven back to Hueco Mundo with a sword wound. I assumed that was your doing, but you don’t seem to have a sword at the moment. Unless the Menos took that rusty piece of--”

“Fuck, Renji, don’t you ever get sick of listening to your own stupid voice?” Rukia spits, and in a second, she is on him, a blur of fists and feet.

Renji didn’t put his sword away because he thought he wouldn’t need it. He put it away because he knew that he would need two hands to deal with Rukia in hand-to-hand, even at 2% of her power, or whatever dregs she has left.

“I’m trying--” he backpedals furious, blocking blow after blow, “--to help you! I realize that your brain has probably atrophied down to the size of a walnut-- ouch! -- but doesn’t any of this seem fishy to you?”

“The only thing fishy is you questioning an order!” Rukia snaps, as Renji narrowly avoids getting his feet swept from under him. “We may not have much for brains in Eleven, but unlike the Sixth, at least we use what we’ve got!”

Suddenly, Renji manages to loop one of his arms under hers and spin her into a half-nelson. Her feet pedal furiously in mid-air. His spare hand presses her wrist against her rib cage to keep her from clawing the skin off his arm, and also to try and support her weight. “Can you breathe?” he makes sure, as he tries to figure out a way he can hold her still with one hand long enough to get a binding on her.

“Yes,” she grunts angrily. “Why are you doing this? Don’t you know you’re gonna be in trouble with Nii-sama if you bring me back alive?” She spits the honorific like venom.

“You’re wrong,” Renji mutters. He hates this. He hates how stupid this is. He hates that after all this time, her stupid arrows still find their mark, every single time. “You’re wrong if you think he’s spent even a second thinking about you since you threw away everything he gave you. You’re trash to him.”

“Is that what I am to you, too?” Rukia asks archly.

“You’re--” Renji starts to say, and then hits the deck as a sword whistles through the air where his neck had been a moment before. He loses his grip on Rukia, and she rolls away, but Renji’s got more immediate problems. He shifts to a crouch, his hand loose on Sode no Shirayuki’s hilt as he scans the shadows for his assailant.

As it happens, said assailant isn’t exactly subtle. “Hey, Rukia, this guy wears the same pajamas as you. Friend of yours?”

It is the boy, the one who buzzes with reiatsu that both is and isn’t Rukia’s. He is a gangling puppy of a human being, all elbows and ears. His hair is an unnatural orange and sticks out from his head as though he has just rolled out of bed. Given the hour, perhaps he has.

“Get out of here, Ichigo, this guy isn’t a joke!” Rukia screams, and Renji realizes that she is genuinely frightened.

“He sure looks like one,” the kid, Ichigo declares, hefting his sword up onto his shoulder. It is clearly a zanpakutou, but it is absurdly large. He can barely lift the thing. “And people say my hair is a dumb color.”

“My name is Kuchiki Renji,” Renji informs him. “Assistant Captain of the Sixth Division of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. I am here to take Kuchiki Rukia, Sixth Seat of the Eleventh into custody for the crime of transferring her shinigami powers to a human. I do not wish to kill you, human, but if you interfere, I will not hesitate.”

“Wait, what?” Ichigo sputters. “Rukia, I thought your name was Inuzuri? Is this guy your brother? If so, he sure got all the height genes. I am so, so confused.”

Rukia rises to her feet. Her face is pale in the moonlight. A line of blood shines on her forehead, glassy against the black of her tattoos. “He’s my fiance.”

“Your what now?”

Renji snorts. “Former fiance.”

“I don’t recall breaking up with you!” Rukia barks.

Renji wants to laugh. He doesn’t know which is more typical Rukia-- the idea that rejecting his family and not speaking to him for thirty years would somehow not count as a break-up, or that now is somehow an appropriate time to talk about this.

There are a lot of feelings pumping through Renji’s heart, but he freezes them to ice and pushes them away. There is no room for feelings on a battlefield. “I am taking Rukia back to Soul Society. If you do not resist me, I swear to it that no harm will come to her before her trial.” Byakuya wanting Rukia dead is just a feeling, too. The Kuchiki must stand for justice, right? This is a good compromise, Renji rationalizes. I cannot kill her in cold blood in front of a witness, but if they force my hand, things happen. Surely even Byakuya would agree with this line of logic.

Ichigo’s eyes dart to Rukia. “What about after the trial? Is this, like, a thing where you pay a fine, or…?”

“I’ll be executed, most likely,” Rukia replies dryly.

Ichigo’s jaw clenches.

“You’re a valuable asset to the Gotei,” Renji corrects. “Central may be lenient.”

The two strongest young shinigami in their generation, people used to say, when Rukia and Renji entered the Sixth together. His iron nerves tempering her volatility, her fiery passion igniting his cold aloofness. The next Kyouraku and Ukitake. No wonder the Kuchiki plucked them from obscurity.

Renji doesn’t know what people say about them now. Now that he is the sole Heir to the Kuchiki. Now that she fights among the animals of the Eleventh. People’s voices go quiet at his approach. Byakuya says it isn’t wise to listen to gossip in any case.

“Hmmm,” Ichigo shifts his sword to an attack stance. “I don’t like the sounds of those odds. I think maybe I’ll just beat your ass instead.”

“Ichigo, move!” Rukia starts, but Renji has heard the words he needs to hear.

Renji’s favorite parts of the Kuchiki sword form are the quick draw techniques. He is not as fast as Byakuya, but he is very, very fast, and his reach is better. In an instant, he has closed the distance between himself and the boy. Maybe it was a lucky reflex or maybe it was Rukia’s warning, but Ichigo manages to get that huge sword up just in time to avoid having his chest sliced open. Renji’s assault is merciless. If it weren’t for the stupid power limiter, which Renji isn’t used to, he’s sure he would have cracked the boy’s zanpakutou clear in half. Despite her appearance, Sode no Shirayuki is not a delicate sword and Renji swings her with the inevitability of a glacier.

As Ichigo backpedals, his foot catches on a loose paver, and he stumbles. Renji raises his arm, preparing to deliver the killing blow, when suddenly, a knee in his back punches the air from his lungs, and his elbow is jerked forcibly backwards.

“NOW!” Rukia’s voice bellows in Renji’s ear.

The stumble was a feint, because Ichigo is Rukia’s student, and of course she has taught him all her dirty tricks. Renji realizes he has made the mistake of thinking he could beat Rukia, just because she has no powers and no zanpakutou. She still knows him better than anyone, though. She knows his moves and she knows what a rank fool he is. As Ichigo’s sword plunges towards his stomach, Renji flares his reiatsu as best as he can, and hopes Rukia’s pet human isn’t strong enough to pierce it.

But before the blow lands, Ichigo’s eyes widen. He lets out a gurgle and falls sideways.

“Renji,” says Captain Kuchiki. “What is taking so long?”

It seems as though time is standing still, except that the pool of blood surrounding Ichigo’s prone form is growing, growing.

“No,” Rukia murmurs. “No, no, no.” Suddenly, her feet scrabble up Renji’s back, and she launches herself off of his shoulders. “You!!” she screams.

There is nothing she can do to Byakuya. Her hands glow with raw kidou, but she is weak. It is the desperate, useless move of a cornered animal.

Renji knows that animal instincts are useless, which is why he has trained every day to eradicate them. To ignore his fear, to replace his body’s natural reflexes with the kata of his sword form. So even though he knows Rukia’s attack is hopeless, he cannot help but react to an attack against his Clan Head.

Rukia hits the ground next to Ichigo with a dull thump.

Her body is wrapped in the glowing chains of hainawa.

Renji’s hand shakes, his breathing is heavy.

Rukia is screaming filthy obscenities at both of them.

Byakuya regards Renji silently. His eyes linger on Renji's sword, naked in his hand. A different reflex, and there would be two corpses on the ground.

“She should face trial, Nii-sama,” Renji says softly. “If we do not uphold justice, who shall?”

“The law, Renji,” Byakuya corrects him. “We uphold the law.” He jerks his head at the screaming woman on the ground. “Pick her up. Others are coming and you will only become more sentimental if I am forced to kill additional humans.”

Renji kneels and gathers Rukia in his arms. She does not make it easy, probably in hopes that he will toss her over his shoulder instead of this humiliation, but she is the brute, not him. He will not give her the satisfaction.

As Renji narrowly avoids a headbutt, though, he realizes that this is not merely a display of defiance. It is a distraction. “Nii-sama,” he says as he straightens up, “I do not think the human is dead.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Byakuya sighs. “I have severed his hakusui and saketsu. Even if he survives the wound, he will be powerless, and Rukia’s power should return to her.”

Byakuya considers his lieutenant’s full arms for a moment, makes a disgusted face, and then draws his sword to open the senkaimon home himself.

While Byakuya’s attention is turned, Rukia leans into Renji’s, her breath hot on his jaw. “I will kill him for this,” she spits in his ear. “And if you get in my way, I will kill you too.”

“Then we are enemies,” Renji replies quietly, “since I am sworn to protect him.”

The first fat drops of rain begin to fall from the sky.

[oceansmelodysblog]

'Until my last breath'

Zelink reversed roles AU fanfiction

Chapter 2

“The laws don’t allow us to take people inside the castle to give them refuge but we can definitely find work inside the castle for Nebb’s family members. Is there anything else I could do for you? ” James and Zelda stood in front of the bridge to the castle as they discussed about her conditions to work with him.

Meanwhile, Ragnar and Link hunted down the aggressor who threatened her life. The people of the festival enjoyed their time and danced light heartedly to the music.

Yet, in the dark corners of an abandoned street, Link pushed the man against an old façade.

“Do you work for someone?!” Link grabbed the man’s throat and lifted him from his feet with one arm.

“No, Sir. I am alone! Please let me down, “ the man could barely speak.

“Link, we better check his body for any evidences. He won’t tell the truth even if you threatened him.”

Link turned his head aside and thought about it. Ragnar had his cold sinister look in his eyes and Link knew he had an idea in his mind.

He threw the thief roughly to the ground and Ragnar ripped off the thief’s clothes. He never hesitated to rush into action.

Ragnar grabbed the man’s arm and pulled him to his feet. He trembled because of the cold but he also trembled out of fear, he knew of their ruthless reputation.

“Like I thought, this filthy rat is one of them. He wears their mark on his back like a farm animal. He’s just an underling but they came far too close to the castle for my taste. I would like to kill him but then we might lose a chance to track them down., ” in front of Ragnar’s face hot steam from his mouth surrounded him and gave his ice blue iris a mystical feeling. Thoughtfully he crossed his arms in front of broad chest, leaving the man freezing next to him.

“Yes, I agree brother. Though it’s not likely of them to attack healers. He must be an abandoned one and furthermore has to thief for his own survival. It may just be an inconvenience, but I believe he needed the rupees to redeem himself in the Yiga clan.” Link had his cold calculating look in his eyes and analysed every inch this man’s face for any reaction. He saw how nervous he became as Link spoke.

Link’s eyes sparkled immediately as his sharp mind saw an opportunity.

“Makes sense to me too, sharp senses as always. I guess we can’t kill him yet.”

“Y-yes! Yes! Y-you’re… right! P-p-please don’t kill me!” The man was trembling as his body felt frozen. He tried to warm himself up by wrapping his arms around his chest. He didn’t dare to try to escape them, too great was the fear to be killed.

Ragnar abruptly turned his head to him and pierced his eyes into the thief’s soul

“Shut your mouth, you filthy rat. No body told you to speak, unless you tell us anything you know about the Yiga. Until then, you will freeze your arse off. “

“L-l-look, I-I-I c-can’t even i-i-if I w-want-t-ted t-t-to.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Link had a feeling that behind his statement lay some truth. It wouldn’t surprise him if the Yiga cast a spell on their henchmen to secure their secrets.

And as the thought shaped into a deduction, Link exchanged a meaningful gaze with Ragnar.

“I-i-i-it m-m-means th-th-that we can’t be-be-ca-use th-they...use... I c-can’t s-say...use...u-use... SEAL!”

He screamed out the last words while his whole body shivered with the cold.  But as soon as had he said it, his head twitched spasticity, his pupils twisted and rattling noises came from his throat. He cried out his last breath and collapsed right after.

 Link and Ragnar watched helplessly and in shock as the thief lied motionless on the ground.

 Link and Ragnar knelt in front of the man and exchanged regretful looks, thinking about the cruelty of the Yiga.

„At least in death he is a free man.  Come on Ragnar, we’ll get him a decent burial. ”, said Link.

 He wrapped his cloak around the bare body and heaved it onto his shoulder.

„When we’re done with his funeral, we must report to Father immediately.“  Link marched through the deep snow under his boots, far away from the castle walls.  It cracked in the snow as he had to raise his knees more and more to get through the high snowpack.  Sweat ran down his back, his breath became heavier, and his muscles burned.  Ragnar noticed the thick vapor from Link’s breath, an indication of the immense strength that he had to mobilize at the moment.  Without a word, he lifted the body from his shoulder and carried it the rest of the way.

 Hours later, the brothers reached Lake Kolomo near the Forest of Time and buried the corpse among the trees.

 “Link, I’ve thought about it and I think we should only tell father about the Yiga once we have found out more.  He is never satisfied with half-finished business.“

 Their hands were flushed and stiff from the snow they laid over the grave.  It was time to return to the warmth, so the two broke up and left the man in the grave alone, but under the protection of the forest.

 

------

 

“Your royal highness, thank you for everything. I do have some other requests too, regarding my master and my father. I am in depth for my education since I tried to pay it all on my own but the payment wasn’t high enough, not to mention I often didn’t even receive it, to pay off my loans. If I work at the royal castle I want to be payed with a suitable salary for my hard work. I want to help people around Hyrule, that’s why I will need the salary to buy better equipment, medics and explore new methods to heal. I also want the freedom to leave the castle whenever I see the need to gather herbs, ingredients, make new flora analyses or look out for unhealthy people. In the matter of my father, I do not want my father to know that I would work in the castle. That’s all of my conditions, your royal highness.”

James thought about it while scratching his beard, not knowing if it was possible to give her the freedom she wanted as his father controlled everything and everyone.  For better or worse, she had to go to the king and speak to him. about it if he decided to be interested enough.  Anything that didn’t matter to him wasn’t worth his time.

“May I ask who your father is, gracious healer?”

“Yes of course you may. He’s the commander of the third legion of the royal army, Rhoam Dejardin. Your royal highness.”

James‘eyes widened as he drew in a sharp breath.  ‘Now I understand why she doesn’t want to have contact with her father, he’s just like my father!‘ James thoughts flashed back and forth in his head as he put the pieces together.

“I see! I guess we both have awful fathers then. Don’t worry I will make sure that you can stay away from your father. And about your loan, as the prince I am able to pay it for you, just say a word. But if you still want to pay it on your own, we will pay you even more than the royal healer gets. Because we need a healer that is independent and solely serves for the people and not the King’s moods. Please accept my offer to be a healer for the purpose of science.”

Zelda smiled at the speech of James. But she immediately realized that he was sweet-talking the other conditions while ignoring the most important one. Her freedom.

“Your royal highness I am pleased to hear all that. But I won’t accept the offer until All of my conditions are fulfilled. Please enjoy the rest of the evening, I have to go back to my stall. ”

She walked away without looking back, into the direction of her stall. James tried to hold her off by reaching an arm to her but she was already too far away. For now he would have to deal with his father. He sighed in defeat, he didn’t like it at all. He wanted to keep her in secret, out of the range of the eyes of his father but sooner or later his father would have know about her. It was better to ask him to work as an independent healer. Hyrule needs her desperately.

James had seen so much suffer in his travels and explorations, the defeated knights who weren’t able to fight anymore, the despair and illness in the corners of the kingdom, all of them needed a healer who would only serve the people and not the King.

‘But how am I supposed to tell that to my father? I probably should ask Ecberht about this.’

-       -  -

 The Festival of Lights ended with the first rays of the sun and Zelda was busy dismantling the stand alone during the coldest hour of the day.  She had sent little Nebb home just before midnight and shared her salary with him again.  The old doctor was long gone and left the rest to her. She cursed inwardly for not accepting the offer, but her principles had to come first.  Otherwise she  would  approve of being exploited again.  Gritting her teeth together, she went to the remaining instruments and bandages that were lying around.  Her hands were already icy burns and were stiff from the cold when she noticed a shadow out of the corner of her eye and the next moment she felt warm hands on hers.  When she looked up, sea blue eyes stared into her eyes.  She quickly pulled her hands out of his and put some space between them.

„Your royal highness, it is a pleasure to see you again.”

“Please don’t be so formal with me when nobody is around. I thought we would have become closer after the dance. And now you’re greeting me like a foreigner.” Link wasn’t sure if she was interested in him at all. She had something special that made him drive to her, but he couldn’t tell what it was. He wanted to protect her, be at her side and watch over her.

“I accepted your hand because I would lose my face if I didn’t. If we normal folks ever deny a request of a royal family, we get abandoned by society.” Now her eyes were as cold as the freezing temperatures, staring up into his own eyes.

She couldn’t afford to be called a concubine of a prince while trying to be accepted in the world of the healers.

Link didn’t know all of the circumstances despite interacting with people outside the castle. ‘I definitely have to change that!’

 “Please don’t interact with me furthermore I don’t want to be called a concubine of yours. Even though they have a far better reputation than a female healer from the streets, I don’t want to be seen as that. I work hard and try to help the suffering people. Please, your royal highness if you look for a girl to have fun with, I beg you to look elsewhere.”

With that said she grabbed the last remaining and walked away. Her heart raced and her body trembled, but she wouldn’t let him know that. She couldn’t even explain it for herself why she reacted that way towards him but decided to not give it much attention.

Link looked after her until she disappeared in the dark street.

“Brother are you alright?”  Ragnar had helped his knight comrades to secure the area as they arrived and now was approaching him with his arms full of food, left behind from the festival. 

“It’s nothing, I am just tired and exhausted. Come, let us go home.” Ragnar pressed a baked apple into his hand and Link smiled in return. A good old apple would be a good distraction of his pity thoughts.

 - - - - - -

The next day arise and the brothers Ragnar and Link woke up with pain in their backs and legs. Link looked around and realized they fell asleep in the study room, they were so tired that they weren’t able to reach their bedrooms. Link must have been fallen asleep while he studied about the Yiga clan, his back hurt from the sitting position and even his neck felt stiff. He heard his brother snoring from the ground and slowly stood up to look for him. Ragnar fell with his stool to the ground, his arms wide open spread while one of his legs hovered on the stool while the other rested on the ground angled. Link smiled at this view, it was funny to see his younger brother, who looked always scary and insane, now like a clumsy big teddy bear. Link walked around the table and kicked the tip of his toe against his brother’s rips.

“Hey! Wake up dumbass!”

“Mmh…fuck off and lemme sleep…”

“It is past midday, wake up!”

“nah, try to wake me up in an hour or two.”

Ragnar muttered more unintelligible words while Link slowly lost patience.  It was unusual for his brother to sleep so much. Link decided it was his job to get him back on his feet.  Link breathed in and out deeply and rammed his elbow with full force into the abdomen of his brother, who cried out in pain and threw up shortly afterwards.

"You ate too much before you fell asleep, am I right?“

"Thanks, I needed that.“ Ragnar gasped from the exertion he felt from the gag reflex.

“Now get up, we still have a lot to do.  Do you remember?  The Yiga clan?  Provide evidence for our father?  Get up you looser, we going  hunt for Yiga.“

After they freshened up, they visited their brother James, who was in the middle of a conversation with their eldest brother Ecberht. While Link and Ragnar wore a basic Hylian armour, today Ecberht wore a ruby red royal suit with sapphire blue and golden accents, which meant he would go on a diplomatic business sooner or later. James wore nor royal suit but instead dark trousers and a brown coat with golden buttons and white silk scarf, his favourite outfit when he worked on his natural sciences.

“Good afternoon brothers.” Link said politely while approaching them.

Both immediately interrupted their discussion and turned their heads to them. While James looked confused, Ecberht had a devaluating look in his eyes.

“Where have you been all day?  Both of you were no where to be found.” James reached for the arm of Link and then Ragnar to greet them.

“We’ve been doing researches about a case we want to learn more about and therefore stayed up all night. What have you two been discussing about?”

“What kind of case do you talk about?” asked Ecberht suspiciously, “I hope for the sake of your lives, you’re not doing anything reckless again, without the permission of the King.” Link and Ragnar exchanged meaningful looks, they knew they had to be cautious around Ecberht.

Then, Ragnar clears his throat and sweet talked his eldest brother, “Don’t worry, we don’t want to bother father with our case as long as it’s nothing to bother for.”

Ecberht raised an eyebrow and looked suspicious between them, he knew they were up to something dangerous and therefore would need to watch over their moves. He decided to remain silent and ask one of the Sheikah to spy on them.

James felt the tension between his brothers and cleared his throat.

“Well apparently, the woman you danced with yesterday is an exceptional healer and the daughter of commander Rhoam Dejardin but refuses to depend on his reputation and military rank. “

Link and Ragnar widened their eyes. They couldn’t believe what their ears just heard because nobody knew commander Rhoam had a daughter, let alone even a child. Link was confused why he would never mention her. 

“She refuses also to serve for the royal family if it means to desert the people in need. That’s why we need her even more. For the sake of Hyrule, we need a selfless healer in our ranks. I would be glad if we had another genius for our science section as well.”

Link was glad that his brothers saw the same potential in her he did, but it disturbed him that he found out about her background through his brother who just met her and immediately wanted to claim her. Link frowned and tried to clear his mind. Then, a big question appeared in his head as he tried to understand why she wasn’t here yet.

“There must be something off if she isn’t here yet. What is it?”

“Well…she wanted the freedom to leave the castle whenever she saw the need of her help or for doing researches on new herbs… She wanted to work with me only under strict conditions…”

“What are her conditions? Except roaming freely around,” asked Link truly curious.

But then, Ecberht had enough and busted out. “I already told you James! This is not going to happen! The audacity to demand such thing is unbelievable! Not even the own sons of the King can do whatever we want, and this woman thinks she was exceptional? No way I am going to allow her to do that. You give the conditions not her. Who does she think she is? Goddess of Hyrule? By Hylia! I am surrounded by idiots!”

Ecberht was about to leave but surprisingly Ragnar hold him off and squeezed his arm. “If James and Link believe in her abilities, I am going to do the same, as you will do the same as well.  Understood?!” Ragnar had his insane look in the eyes again which made Ecberht shiver. He never realised how terrifying his younger brother had become.

Ecberht freed his arm from the tight grip of his brother and felt the pain still roaming in his muscles. “Alright then, I will help you to get her on board. But mark my words, no ones except us, the royal family, is allowed to make conditions.”

James and Link barked in laugher as they already knew how determined Zelda can be.

“You idiots stop laughing! What’s so funny!? “

“You will see for yourself, when you meet her.” Link said and winked at James who couldn’t stop laughing at the imagination of Zelda and Ecberht discussing.

“Hmpf. I will talk to the King and ask him for permission than she may come. See you in two hours in the Throne halls.”

 - - - - - - -

Zelda was nervous to meet the King. It was her first time and she only knew him through stories. While escorts guided her through the castle she looked at the surroundings to distract her from her useless thoughts. After a while she felt exhausted by the walk through the halls of the castle which were strategically formed like a labyrinth. But then her heart flattered seeing a familiar face. It was prince Link who waited for her in front of the throne halls. He smiled at her generously despite her harsh behaviour before. The escorts left her side and let her alone with the Prince after he told them to dismiss. She was happy to see him but didn’t want to show it, by politely greeting him. “Your royal highness. “ she said bluntly.

“It’s good to see you again, gracious healer.” Link flustered at her sight, even though she wore a similar dress like on the festival of lights, this sand coloured dress let her shine brighter as the sun. She smiled at him trying not to look in his eyes for too long. Link realised he stared at her. He cleared his throat and lend her his hand. The memory of the festival flashed in their minds as Link hold her hand the same way back then. Both smiled at each other at the memory and immediately put the stoic mask on as the huge hallway doors opened.

Zelda let out a breath she didn’t knew she was holding and walked along the hallway. The three brothers of Link were standing next to Throne facing each other while Link escorted Zelda to the King. Zelda gulped as she saw the king in full sight. Several feets away from the throne Link stood still and left her side, joining the side of his brother Ecberht.

Now she was all alone facing the terrifying king in front of her. His clothes weren’t as glamorous as expected, in fact the King looked more like a commander who was about to lead a whole army. His almond shaped eyes pierced through her eyes into her soul, looking for the darkest memories of hers. She reminded her to avoid a direct eye contact and lowered her gaze. But then King Selim raised to his feet and approached her.

Link looked nervously as his father stood directly in front of her looking down on her.

“I demand you to look in my eyes. I heard of your request and want you to tell that in to my face.”

Zelda looked up and met the gaze of the King. The colour of his eyes reminded her of honey, changing the colour with different angles of incidence of light. His hair was black as the feathers of ravens, his facial heather grey and his skin tanned from all the cruel battles fought for Hyrule.

“Yes, Your Majesty. I want my masters servant to be able to work in Castle to let him gain more salary to provide his suffering family. I want to be payed for a suitable price for my works for the royal family. I want to be acknowledged as an independent individual and not as the daughter of a commander. And most importantly, I want to be able to leave the castle whenever I need to gather herbs, explore better methods or see the need of my help of all folks in need. No matter the rank or the race, I decide through the rank of the emergency.”

King Selim stayed silent and didn’t lower his gaze from her forest green eyes. But Zelda bravely encountered his terrifying glare and lifted her chin.

But then, all of a sudden King Selim began to smile.

The brothers who remained silent all were shocked by this view, seeing their father smile for the first time in their lives.

“Miss Zelda Dejardin, I declare you the title of a royal healer with the ability to serve the people of Hyrule, independent of your heritage and the crone.”

All brothers widened their eyes and Ecberht gasped for air. Link and James looked more than satisfied, while Ragnar looked amused at his eldest brother.

“Therefore I shall allow you to bring your masters servant as your own servant, while both of you will be privileged with everything you need.”

The King’s smile became wider and heartily as he spoke and signalled with a finger to the servant to bring him his contract.

Meanwhile Ecberht threw his hands above his head  in unbelieve about what his eyes just observed. His brothers clapped their hands as a sign of respect and honour.

With the unique Tughra on his ring he pressed the top of it into the melted candle wax. A bright smile decorated her face as he handed over her the certificate which he placed in her hands with both of his.

“This certificate shall give you permission to enter every small corner of Hyrule and gives you security in wars. Keep it close to you, miss gracious royal healer.”

With that said Zelda bowed politely to the King and walked away from, only turning her back to him as she reached the doors.

Link followed her with her eyes even when she already disappeared, he glared at the closed doors and smiled brightly.

While Ecberht couldn’t still believe what just happened, his mind could find the answer, therefore he bursted out and asked their father the important question everyone in the hall was eager to know the answer.

“Your Majesty, please tell us what made you give her so much privileges?”

King Selim approached his oldest son, putting his hands behind his back, looking down on him with a sly smile. Ecberht saw the small sparkle in his eyes and had a good idea of what was going on his father’s mind.

“In her eyes lies the sun that will guide this rotten land out of the darkness.”

The King walked away from him , back to his throne as he dismissed them.

For the first time in his life, Ecberht didn't know what to say.

[twilightknight17]

We’re at the end of the road, folks.

And god damn, I feel so validated by my Sojiro characterization. Wow. Thanks for basically making me canon for ten more seconds, Atlus. XDDD

So when last we left our intrepid heroes, they were laying at the bottom of the Jail of the Abyss, because Ichinose is an asshole. So we had to fight our way back up, carrying Sophia’s unconscious body. Which wasn’t that bad; the Jail isn’t very big. We left Sophia at the door to keep her safe, and then charged back into the hall of the Ark to hack Ichinose’s exploding crystal box thing.

Ichinose doesn’t understand why we came back.

So, yeah. I guess like... bizarro-world Maruki? Maruki wanted to alleviate suffering by granting everyone’s wishes. EMMA’s going to make it so that people can’t wish for anything.

After a kick-ass hacking battle set to the new version of Rivers in the Desert, Ichinose yells at us about our right to judge. Why should humanity keep this painful world, just because WE’RE strong? Just because we’ve never screwed up or suffered?

Which, clearly she has no idea who the fuck she’s talking to.

We’ve worked too hard to listen to that kind of bullshit.

Ichinose proclaims that “humans don’t need hearts” and charges up the laser crystal to blast us again, and Sophia steps in to block the attack. She’s still fighting Ichinose’s control even though Ichinose insists that she’s just a faulty prototype.

Apparently Ichinose created Sophia in the first place because she spent a lifetime being called a heartless doll, so she made an AI to help her learn about the heart.

I think you’re the problem, but not for the reasons everyone else is saying.

But she got angry when Sophia started asking questions of her own and basically tossed her aside, until EMMA found her and dropped her into the Shibuya Jail.

And Sophia, unlike her creator, has learned and grown, and is tired of being given orders. She’s ready to make her own choices.

That is certainly a persona.

I gotta admit, they got me. I was wondering why Sophia didn’t have her arcana yet, but for some reason, I also wasn’t expecting her to get a proper persona. I’m now wondering about the implications of someone being able to code an AI capable of developing a soul that can summon a persona. There’s a zero percent chance that Ichinose had any access to plumes of dusk, which are the reason that Aigis and Labrys gained enough consciousness to have personas. So Sophia is legitimately a miracle piece of technology.

Pandora is an interesting choice, but I dunno if I can articulate that beyond a surface-level, “Oh, because she’s Hope, and Hope was still in the box.”

I swear to god, every major villain in this game is trying to be Goro Akechi. For the last goddamn time, we don’t kill people. Get up, Ichinose. We’re leaving.

Ryuji literally grabs her by the arm and drags her out, because she’s trying to stay behind. Which just confirms for me that if Goro hadn’t put up that bulkhead door, we’d have dragged his stupid ass out of the Ship, too. XD

Back to the real world, and Tokyo is blacking out, and the Tower is losing its shit.

The metaverse is fusing with reality, the Tower is becoming the Tree of Knowledge, and hell yes we are climbing this tower after all!

Morgana points out that this is the same thing that happened last year, and Zenkichi freaks out a little bit.

You’re lucky you moved to Kyoto, sir. You missed quite a bit.

I love these kids, though. They’ve got so much black humor about this whole god thing.

The metaverse encroaching on reality means that everyone has to cram into the bus in their thief gear. Zenkichi, please. Your hat. Sir.

I love climbing this tower. I’ve been here, too! Also they have butter. XD

I was expecting the Mementos version of the lower observation deck, and instead I got some weird amalgam between Mementos and Azathoth’s boss chamber.

We had to fight Metatron as the guardian of the last elevator, which is another parallel to Yaldabaoth’s archangels. And then it’s up to what I guess used to be the high observation deck to fight the big box.

EMMA insists that all humanity wants is to let it give them all the answers, and it throws them into some sort of alternate fog world full of the voices of the public.

The Thieves are all separated, trapped in the fog. Each of them has to find their way out, and they realize that the fog of the Desires is protecting EMMA. EMMA knows exactly how calling cards work, so they won’t work on her. Instead, the Thieves decide that they need to send the calling card to the public, so that they’ll become aware of their desires again and the desires will crystalize.

...oh come on, Atlus. We’re right in the endgame.

One last hacker battle to break into EMMA’s server room in the tower, and Futaba and Ichinose manage to hack EMMA itself to deliver a calling card to everyone at once.

Love you, Zenkichi. We’ve taken out two gods already. We’re good.

Confronting the Ark again reveals a bunch of freaky tentacle arms grabbing the desires, and then the box turns into some sort of massive figure that looks sort of like Yaldabaoth, except less robot and more seraphim. It literally names itself the Demiurge, so I feel like EMMA may be drawing something from the lingering dregs of Yald’s influence? It’s cool.

Clearly no one told you what happened to the last false god that thought it knew what was best for humanity. ;) “Hope binds humanity to misery” is bullshit.

After a... not very difficult first phase, the Demiurge reveals its true form, and we split into three teams to take out its support orbs (modeled after the sephirot) and the main body.

I really liked the setup for the last boss. The teams were the first instance where it was really apparent that the whole team was fighting together. Each of the three battles was happening concurrently, and destroying the orbs has a concrete effect on the main fight. I wish we’d gotten to do things like this more often, especially during the Shadow Thieves fight.

That said, the main body was actually the easiest part of the fight? All the attacks were really telegraphed, and not particularly hard to avoid. Except for the spear jab.

But it finished off with a full-team all-out attack, and that was awesome.

The desires began to return to their owners, and we get to bask in a job well done once again.

Upon returning to the real world, it’s the next morning. Sophia’s happy that she got to be a hero, Zenkichi’s heading off to properly arrest Owada, and the rest of us need to head home, because we were supposed to be home last night. Zenkichi can’t figure out why we consider him a phantom thief, since he “only joined [us] to use [us]”. Which is silly. The Phantom Thieves are built on the bonds of friendship and stalking! It’s too late, Zenkichi. You and Akane have been adopted.

I’m a little disappointed we didn’t get to tell Akane the truth. That would have been great.

Atlus personally reaches out and pats me on the head, because Sojiro has the absolute perfect reaction to his kids coming home after a nationwide manhunt for them.

I feel so valid making him serve Lavenza coffee and be completely nonplussed about a guy marrying Death. I love him. We’re so lucky to have Sojiro. XDDDD

The next day, the kids have a celebration party for their victory, and learn that Akira is going home the next day. This kid needs to catch a break. He can’t even have a few days to relax with his friends. X’‘‘D

Everyone goes to see off Akira, though we detour to Shibuya to meet Ichinose. A news report shows that Owada was successfully arrested, and apparently Ichinose tried to turn herself in to the police, and they didn’t believe a word of it.

This is just highlighting my issues with Maruki. Even if he doesn’t think he did anything wrong to society as a whole, he never apologizes to them for what he put them through. Especially Akira. Ichinose turns around and helps them stop the final boss, and her last scene is her apologizing to the Thieves and trying to make amends for her actions. Maruki’s last scene is... “If things get bad, you can start over like me! Now we’re even!” We are not.

Sophia leaves to help Ichinose learn about the heart, Akira promises to come back for winter break, the Phantom Thieves go their separate ways once again, and the credits roll.

I’m gonna leave my final impressions in a different post, because this one is long enough already. So... look forward to that?

[freddiesaysalright]

Just Like a Woman - Part 11

A Roger Taylor x Reader Story

Summary: You and Roger were once in love when you were young. Only, he went on to be a rock star, and you went on to be a lawyer. Now, quite against your will, you’re representing him in his divorce. 

Word Count: 3.3k

Tag List: @psychosupernatural​, @someone-get-a-medic​, @bensrhapsody​, @deakyclicks​, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession​, @minigranger​, @crazyweirdocalledfriday​, @the-moving-finger-writes​, @assembledherethevolunteers​, @rose-writes-prose​, @queenlover05​, @26-7-49​, @drowsebaby​, @moon-stars-soul​, @im-an-adult-ish​, @ixchel-9275​, @jennyggggrrr​, @zyanmaik​, @mypassionfortrash​, @a19103​, @madeinheavxn​, @beepbeephardy​, @rrogerchxrm​, @qweenly, @blisshemmings​, @seasidecrowbar​, @internationalkpoplova, @ellystone​, @takemetoneverland420​, @coffeexcigarette​, @lookuptotheskiesandsee​, @thatpunkmaximoff​, @angelkissys​, @rocknroll-stolemyass​, @simonedk​, @anotheronewritesthedust1​, @peterquillzblog, @mrfahrenhcit​, @joseph-mozzerella​, @theprettyandthereckless​, @nixfreak​, @johndeaconshands​, @rogerandhiscar​, @queenmaracasandlove​, @sunflower-ben​, @cubetriangle, @amy-brooklyn99​, @scorpiogemini, @kiainspace​, @itsabenthing​, @bookandband​, @makemeyourwife-loveofmylife​, @grazessa​, @borhapqueen92​, @theonsasheart​, @vektorivittu​, @chanti-frn, @brianssixpence​, @dancingcoolcat​, @xviiarez​, @irepookie​, @lnnuend0, @rogerxmeddows​, @vici-xx, @bellas2silly​ If you’d like to be added, let me know!

A/N: THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER! Just to clarify because of the way it ends, but there is still more to this story! It’s not over yet!

Warning(s): Brief description of violence that we’ve already heard

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6  Part 7 Part 8  Part 9  Part 10

Part 11 here we go!!!

You walked into work the next day, whistling to yourself. Roger had to stop by his house and change before he would be there to go with you all to the courthouse for the last bit of the trial. Jane smirked at you.

“Good night?” she asked.

“Excellent, Jane, thanks for asking,” you replied, snatching your messages out of her hand, but still smiling.

She shook her head and chuckled as you closed the door to your office. Just as it shut, you heard a high-pitched, child-like giggle. You whipped around, scanning your office for the source of the noise, but couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary. You shrugged it off. It was probably just something from the main part of the office and you were too busy to think any more of it.

You gathered your things and headed for the conference room, humming now instead of whistling. Dominique smiled at you.

“You look great today, Y/N,” she said.

“Thank you, I feel great!” you replied brightly.

“Y/N,” Bill said as he and Roger entered the room. “You’re in a much better mood today.” He turned to Roger. “Well done, mate.”

Roger smiled. “Thanks, man.”

They shook hands.

You finally frowned. “Could you two not be gross?”

Dominique laughed. Bill took a seat beside her as Roger kissed your cheek in greeting. Bill decided to share the first draft of his closing. He would edit it more later after the trial depending on any new information that arose. You all approved of it, and then, you were off to court.

After the previous day, you were a bit nervous. Glen would be able to call more witnesses, and you were not prepared for any more surprises. Luckily, there didn’t appear to be any.

Glen stood up and called Nick to the stand. Dominique shrunk a little as she watched him walk up and take his oath before sitting down. Bill took her hand.

“Mr. Sully, tell us your account of the evening you and Ms. Beyrand went on your date,” Glen said.

“Well, it’s like she told you, we met at the bar, flirted, and then arranged to meet again,” Nick began. “I thought it was going well. Then she tells me she’s ready to go home, but I’ve been buying her drinks, and I think she’s telling me she’s ready to go home with me. So I offer to drive and we get in the car. I saw in her eyes that she wanted me to make a move, so I went for it. All of a sudden, she’s offended, and she hits me. I hit her back - I’m not proud of it - but she was so enraged, I feared for my own safety. There was a struggle and then I kicked her out of my car. If something happened to her after that, it’s not on me.”

“How do you account for your blood and hairs being on her dress?” Glen asked.

“It probably happened during the struggle,” Nick answered. “I’m not denying there was a confrontation.”

“Why do you think she’d identify you as her attacker if someone else put her in hospital?” Glen continued.

“I don’t really know, she was probably angry at me for how it went and saw it as an opportunity to get back at me,” Nick said. 

“So you would describe Ms. Beyrand as vindictive?” Glen went on.

“Objection,” Bill called out. 

“Sustained,” Judge Walsh agreed. “Counsel, keep your questions to what happened.”

“Of course, your honor,” Glen conceded. “As it happens, I have no further questions.”

He returned to his seat. Bill leaned over to you.

“You got this?” he whispered.

“I got this,” you shot back, standing up.

You strode over to the witness stand.

“Mr. Sully, how much can you bench press?” you asked.

“Objection!” Glen cried. “Relevance!”

“Counsel,” Judge Walsh said to you. “Are you going somewhere with this?”

“I am, your honor, you’ll see,” you said.

“Overruled,” he said to Glen. Then he looked at you. “Don’t take too long.”

You nodded, then turned your attention back to Nick. “So? How much?”

He looked you up and down, a cocksure smirk on his lips. “About two of you.”

“I see,” you said with a grin. “And you’re a professional kickboxer, right?”

“I am,” he told you, straightening up a little taller.

“Think you could take on your lawyer?” you asked. “He’s a pretty big guy. Fit. Strong.”

“Oh, yeah, he’d be no problem,” he replied. 

“And what about my co-counsel?” you asked. “He’s about your size.”

“Also no problem,” he said confidently, glancing at Bill. “It’s easy when you’re up against someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing.”

You heard Glen let out a quiet groan from behind you. You bit back a smirk.

“And you expect them,” you pointed to the jury. “To believe that you feared for your safety because of that little woman?” You pointed to Dominique.

Nick realized his mistake and the color drained from his face.

“I - well - hold on - it wasn’t -”

“Don’t bother answering, Mr. Sully, that last one was rhetorical,” you said. “No further questions.”

You turned on your heel to head back to your seat, but froze. In the aisle, between the rows of observers, stood a little boy. He was the spitting image of Roger, only with one distinction. He had your eyes. In your heart, you knew him. Only, you weren’t sure how you knew him. You stared at him, and he grinned back.

“Miss Y/L/N?” Judge Walsh’s voice took you out of your trance and the little boy vanished. “Miss Y/L/N, are you alright?”

You shook your head to clear it. You went to your seat and looked at him.

“Yes, your honor, I’m fine,” you replied, cheeks reddening as you felt the whole courtroom’s eyes on you. “Just...I thought I saw someone.”

His expression showed just how much he was questioning your sanity. The defense had no other witnesses to call, so you were released for a fifteen minute recess. You retired to the same chambers you had the day before. 

“Y/N, are you alright?” Roger asked. “What happened in there?”

You found yourself embarrassed to say. You didn’t want to seem crazy. But you were also with people you trusted.

“None of you saw the little boy?” you asked, looking at each of them.

“What little boy?” Dominique wondered.

“The boy!” you insisted. “He stood right in the aisle. He just stood there and then he...he…” you trailed off.

“He what?” Bill pressed.

“He vanished,” you admitted.

“Are you hallucinating?” he wondered.

“I - well - maybe!” you cried. “I dunno! But I saw him!”

“Okay, we don’t really have time to unpack this,” Dominique said. “Bill, are there any changes you’d like to make to your closing?”

He started describing what he wanted add, but you didn’t hear it. Roger’s eyes were trained on you. He was concerned, but you didn’t notice him either. You couldn’t stop thinking about that boy. Then you remembered the laugh you heard in your office. Were you going insane?

You shook your head again and focused on Bill. Before you knew it, it was time to return. Glen did his closing first.

“What you’re looking at here is a classic case of he said she said,” he began. “No one is denying that a physical altercation took place between Ms. Beyrand and Mr. Sully. What is in question is how much damage Mr. Sully actually inflicted. Did Mr. Sully strike her? Yes. But in defense of himself. Are we really so old fashioned that we believe a man can’t be abused by a woman? That a man can’t fear what a woman might do to him? Let’s not hold Ms. Beyrand to a double standard which only puts men at risk. She led him on, there was a misunderstanding, and that’s what happened. If someone else attacked Ms. Beyrand after her altercation with my client, then that’s somebody else’s business. But what you all need to understand is this: Mr. Sully defended himself from a person who was attacking him. And if you imprison him for it, we are heading down a very slippery slope.”

With that, he went to his seat. Bill got to his feet and walked over to the jury.

“Ladies and gentlemen, say it with me,” he began.

“Please,” the jury echoed back to him.

“Counsel!” Judge Walsh scolded. “The jury is to listen, not interact.”

“Certainly,” Bill agreed. He turned back to them. “The facts of this case are simple. You heard them from the doctors, the police officers, and from the victim herself. You saw the photos. The impression of the car door against her scalp. It’s not a case of he said she said because what she said is backed by evidence. All of which points to Mr. Sully violently assaulting Ms. Beyrand because she refused to have sex with him. As a society, we like to say that women have the right to say no. But they don’t, do they? Because look at what happens when they do. Dominique Beyrand was nearly killed for it. Thousands of women every year are not as fortunate to be able to take a shot at justice. And that’s what we’re looking for here. You have the facts before you. We’ve presented them clear as crystal. Now, it’s your turn to deliver justice. Not just for Dominique Beyrand. But for your mothers, sisters, and daughters. For every woman - every person, even - who has a right to say who puts their hands on their bodies. Justice. That’s all we’re asking for.”

With that, it was over. The jury went to deliberate. 

“This could be a while, right?” Dominique asked as you headed out to the lobby. 

“Yeah, it could be a few hours,” you told her. “But if they’re sensible, it shouldn’t take more than a couple hours.”

“Well, Roger and I wanted to thank you for all you two have done,” she replied. “By having you over for dinner.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” you said, touched. “It’s our job, and we’re glad to help you.”

“I know, but we appreciate it,” she said. 

“Plus, we have an ulterior motive,” Roger added. “We’ve got to decorate the house for Christmas, and we could use the extra hands.”

It hit you suddenly that it was December. Christmas was in just a few weeks. You had been so busy with this case and your own thoughts that you’d forgotten. 

“It would mean a lot to us,” Dominique said. “And to the kids.”

You and Bill looked at each other and nodded. 

“We’ll come,” you said. 

Verity was thrilled to see everyone when you arrived at Roger’s house. Roger told her you were all going to decorate, and she agreed to help. So, she got the children.

Felix was excited to see you again and he quickly warmed up to Bill. Rory was entirely a mommy’s girl. Even though she could teeter around, she got fussy if she wasn’t in Dominique’s arms. You had never seen Bill look so soft as he watched Dominique with her daughter.

You all worked together to unpack the decorations and begin hanging them. They didn’t have a tree yet, but Roger assured you they would get one in another week. That way it would stay fresh. Dominique put on a Bing Crosby Christmas record and you all got to work. You were putting the stockings on the mantle when Roger approached you.

“Did you really see a little boy in the courtroom today?” he asked. “He looked real?”

“Yeah,” you said somberly. “It’s got me a bit frightened. He looked so solid. Very real.”

“But he vanished?” he questioned.

You nodded. “He did.”

“What did he look like?” he wondered.

“Quite a bit like you, actually,” you told him. “I dunno, maybe I’m cracking up after everything we’ve been going through.”

He chuckled. “I wouldn’t blame you in the slightest.”

You smiled at each other and finished the stockings. He helped you string lights around the garland and then place it on the mantle as well. Dom had a collection of Father Christmases that she put along the beam to keep the garland in place. It looked beautiful. 

Then you and Roger helped hang wreaths. Felix wanted to help so Roger hoisted him onto his shoulders. The boy giggled with delight. The sound made you stiffen. It was so like the laugh you heard in your office that morning.

“Y/N?” Roger asked, looking curiously at you. “You alright?”

You nodded, clearing your throat. “Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Just anxious about this verdict.”

“Don’t worry too much,” he said. “Whatever happens now isn’t in your control.”

You nodded again, and he handed Felix a ribbon to tie around the wreath. You jumped in and showed Felix how to tie a pretty bow, then let him try it on his own. It was sloppy, but you left it to show you were proud of him.

“Look, Mum, I made a bow!” he called to Dominique.

“And what a beautiful bow it is, darling!” she praised, beaming at him.

“Well, done, Felix!” Roger added.

You high fived him as well and he looked most pleased with himself. 

Decorating was a welcome distraction from your worries. In a way, it felt like you were celebrating that you all had done this in the first place. You made it to trial, you tried an excellent case, and whatever way the jury decided, you were happy to have done your part for Dominique. She was glowing as she looked around at her friends and family. If not for the scar poking out from her hairline, you might not have thought anything happened to her at all. 

At one point, Roger handed Felix some mistletoe and walked over to you.

“Oh!” he cried dramatically, earning more giggles from his son. “Looks like we ran into each other under the mistletoe. You know what that means.”

He winked as you rolled your eyes. A smile tugged at the corners of your lips, though.

“You are such an idiot,” you teased.

“Well, you owe this idiot a kiss,” he returned.

With a laugh, you obliged, leaning over to peck him on the lips.

Everyone laughed, sang, and got covered in glitter and pine needles as the house turned into a Christmas winter wonderland. You finally felt the spirit of the holiday. You were almost sad when it was completed because you were having such a wonderful time.

Luckily, the evening wasn’t over. Roger and Dom still wanted to make dinner, so you all herded into the kitchen. You took Rory and Felix crawled into Bill’s lap while the former couple got to work. Felix was animatedly talking to Bill about all the things he was asking Santa for, but Rory’s energy had depleted. She rested her head against your chest and closed her droopy eyes.

“This baby is tired,” you remarked, smiling. 

“Well, she’ll eat a bit before we put her to bed,” Dominique said. 

The children were fed first, with some assistance from you and Bill. Felix was truly taking advantage of all the attention he was getting. Rory was just tired and a little fussy. When they were done, Bill and Dom went to put them to bed. You and Roger started to prepare the wine.

“Y/N, I wanted to tell you just how much last night meant to me,” he said as you placed four glasses on the counter. “I really think things are just working out.”

“I do too,” you agreed with a grin. “Last night was incredible and it reassured me that we were meant to find each other again.”

He smiled and kissed you sweetly. 

“I also wanted to thank you again for taking this case,” he said. “No matter what happens, we are so grateful for everything.”

“Roger, please, we are just happy you trust us enough,” you told him. “Bill and I adore you and Dom. We’re your friends. And I think after tonight….we’re all kind of family.”

“A weird family,” he joked. 

“But a family all the same,” you insisted.

He kissed you again, and in it, you felt that he shared the sentiment.

Bill and Dominique returned, laughing softly together. You handed them each a glass of the freshly poured wine.

“They go down okay?” you asked.

“Perfectly,” Dominique said. “Felix always acts like he’s not sleepy, but the second his head hits the pillow, out go the lights.”

“Sounds like Roger,” you teased.

“I know, right?!” Dominique agreed.

You all chuckled. As Roger began retrieving things from the fridge for dinner, the phone rang. Verity picked it up on her way into the kitchen. You watched her expression shift to concern.

“Y/N, it’s for you,” she said. “It’s your assistant.”

You swept over to her and took the receiver. 

“Jane, what is it?” you asked.

“The jury’s back,” she said. “You’ve got to get to court.”

Your stomach dropped. “Thanks, we’ll be right there.”

You hung up. All eyes were on you. Bill looked at you with understanding.

“The jury’s back,” he said, not having to guess.

You nodded.

“Dinner will have to wait,” Roger said. “Let’s go.”

You all rushed to grab your things and headed back into town. 

The courtroom was empty now that it was late. Roger was the only person in the audience. You arrived after Glen and Nick were already seated. You noticed him and Roger exchange glares. 

You all stood when Judge Walsh entered and took his seat. Glen and Nick remained standing while the jury filed in. Once all the formalities were taken care of, Judge Walsh looked at the jury.

“Have you reached a verdict?” he asked.

The foreman - who was actually a woman - stood up. 

“We have, your honor,” she said.

“What say you?”

She unfolded the paper in her hand. You watched with bated breath. This was it. Had you done enough?

“In the matter of the people versus Sully, we the jury find the defendant, Nicholas David Sully, guilty…”

You didn’t hear the rest. You looked over at Dominique, but her face was already buried in Bill’s chest, and his arms were around her. Her shoulders shook with silent sobs. You turned around to see Roger, head in his hands, absolutely frozen. 

“Members of the jury, thank you for your service,” Judge Walsh said. “This court is adjourned.”

He slammed his gavel, and it felt like a wake up call. A burst of joy shot through you and you jumped out of your seat to hug Roger. He welcomed you into his arms as you embraced over the wall between you.

You felt a hand on your shoulder. You turned to see Dominique, tears and makeup streaming down her cheeks, but the widest grin you had ever seen on her face.

“Thank you,” she choked out.

Your own eyes welled up with tears. You didn’t have words, so you pulled her into the hug. You yanked Bill in as well, and the four of you stood there, relieved and victorious. The sentencing would be in a few weeks, but you were already over the biggest hurdle. You felt a little bit of pride in yourself. It was your first ever criminal conviction.

“How about we celebrate?” Bill suggested. “Let’s have a drink at the bar before we go back for dinner?”

“That sounds perfect,” Dominique said.

She took his hand. You took Roger’s. All of you headed out to the bar. A few of your coworkers - including Jane - were already there, so you told them the good news. There was champagne to go around. You hardly drank any. You were too busy dancing with Roger. Dinner was forgotten. The whole evening was spent at the bar, toasting, dancing, and being with the person you loved more than life itself - Roger Meddows Taylor.

[tinyteenia]

Siren’s: Analysis

 Hello, here’s my first Lore Post for Borderlands. I’ve been pretty silent in the fandom, only playing the games and whatnot.

Warning: Spoilers for ALL three main games below!

In Borderlands, as we all know, are magical beings that can use their powers depending on which ones they have. The origins of the humanoid siren is sort-of unknown but assumedly they come from Eridians which aren’t humanoid but the power was passed on and that’s still how it is. It’s possible that all Sirens can choose their successor, we see that Maya and Angel have chosen one and we can see that it’s pretty direct too. As soon as one Siren dies, the powers can be passed on. There can only be 7 Sirens at a time, why this is hasn’t been stated or probably never will. Before 3, we were told 6 Sirens could be in existence at a time but as Nyriad reveals in 3...

“You must never find the seventh...”

Now, despite all the speculation that can be done. To try and find the 7th Siren would probably be impossible for its a character that’s yet to be revealed or is so obscure to guess them would seem rash and sort of silly, especially with the amount of characters who barely have any background. Not to mention it’s made to sound like they’re hidden in some sort and have never been seen.

Now before we move on, let’s get deeper into what is a Siren. So... What is a Siren? Well, outside of Borderlands, Sirens are:

In Greek mythology, the Sirens were dangerous creatures, who lured nearby sailors with their enchanting music and singing voices to shipwreck on the rocky coast of their island. 

According to Plato there were three kinds of Sirens: the celestial, the generative, and the purificatory / cathartic. The first were under the government of Zeus, the second under that of Poseidon, and the third of Hades. When the soul is in heaven the Sirens seek, by harmonic motion, to unite it to the divine life of the celestial host; and when in Hades, to conform the soul to eternal infernal regimen; but when on earth their only job to "produce generation, of which the sea is emblematic". (Source)

However, it’s confusing since this doesn’t seem to fit any of Sirens. They don’t generate themselves with kin, purify anything(as we know) aren’t really celestial beings by this definition. You could say they are celestial due to the magical background, nevertheless it’s possible this connection is yet to be revealed. The Borderlands manual guide and Nyriad says that Sirens have also been called “Witches”, “Oracles” and “Angels” as well that “No official term exists” however by Borderlands 3 that seems that every term has been used for thousands, if not millions of years. Siren being the most common.

In the games and comics, however, Sirens are being of unknown origin, typically female, that have powers based upon certain things such as creating physical attacks, moving things, teleportation, machine manipulation and leeching power/life. At some time in the distant past, Sirens and Eridians lived side by side, possibly due to their similarity in ability. Sirens also have Tattoos/Markings on their body which singles them out especially. Another obscure and rarely seen ability is the ability to imprint memories and events onto objects via strong emotion such as excitement and trauma.

Some extra things about Sirens is that they and the vaults are definitely connected, Lilith even says she feels as if the Guardians wanted her to be in the Vault in the Pre-Sequel. What this connection is has not been revealed as even in 3, despite visiting many vaults, nothing happens any of the Sirens in the game that visit them despite the number of Sirens and Vaults being numerous, Sirens can also charge Vault Keys, making them usable. Another thing is that all Sirens typically find each other at some point, furthermore all Sirens will at one point be drawn onto Pandora at some point in their lives and it seems that point is true as every Siren, minus the 7th(as we know) have visited Pandora. All Sirens also have wings, usually in a very powerful form. Lastly, to use their powers more effectively, Sirens use Eridium. However, using Eridium is like a Drug, normal use is fine however, one can become addicted or even dependent on it to the point of death from withdrawal depending on the intake. Angel is so dependent once her source is removed, she dies. Lilith seems to just be mildly addicted, needing it and showing obvious signs of withdrawal. 

Then, let’s talk about each Siren in the Series.

Sirens

(The below list and subsequent descriptions of each Siren will have spoilers regarding Borderlands 2 and 3, including some very important moments, do not go below if you do not wish to be spoiled on Borderlands 2 and 3.)

Here is a list of every mentioned/shown Siren, minus the Comics for apparently they are considered non-canon:

Lilith

Commandant Steele

Maya

Amara

Angel

Nyriad

Troy Calypso

Tyreen Calypso

Patricia Tannis

Ava

Lilith

The Original Siren as some would say, she first appears in Borderlands 1 as the playable Siren class, she holds the Phasewalk ability, aka teleportation. Nothing spectacular about her happens in 1, in 2 she is a leader of the resistance against Handsome Jack and regularly takes action in fighting with you. Lilith says in the Tiny Tina DLC that she used to be a DND nerd, which means she was probably an outcast from society especially due to her tattoos and interests and she was bullied as a child. In Borderlands 3, her powers are taken by Tyreen for the majority of the game and gets them back by the end. At the end, Lilith flies into Sun, saving Elpis and Pandora, her Phoenix symbol embedded into the planet. However, it is never said if Lilith is dead or alive, leaving it up to be a mystery. So whether Phasewalk will return as the next Siren’s powers is unknown.

Lilith’s name shares the her name with the true first Woman in Judeo-Christian lore, however she was turned into a demon and is closely regarded in evil.

Commandant Steele

Steele is considered the main antagonist of Borderlands 1, however, her appearance is extremely short-lived and to say she was dissatisfactory would be an understatement. Steele’s design closely resembles Lilith’s older design, which isn’t surprising. Her power is unknown and could be anything but Phasewalk. She also awakens the Destroyer or at least a part of it.

The only notable things about Steele is she proves(or is the first to prove) that Sirens can be on the wrong side. While this isn’t surprising, it’s juxtaposed to most Sirens that are on the quote-onto-quote Good Side and that the only things all Sirens share is fate to meet each other at some point. She also speaks in a Slavic accent.

Maya

Maya is the playable Siren Class in Borderlands 2. She’s from the planet Athenas and was used against the people of the planet to keep them in fear. However, she learned of the scheme and killed the religious leaders and then came to Pandora to become a Vault Hunter, during boarding the train she catches the view of Krieg who becomes infatuated with her. Maya’s Siren power is Phaselock, being able to create gravitational pulls and force to levitate things and people.

In Borderlands 3, Maya plays a more important role mentoring the young Ava and has chosen her as her heir of Maya’s Siren powers. She says Ava seems special and it’s not said why this is or revealed why, yet at least.

Maya is killed when Ava goes to the first Vault despite Maya telling her not to. Unbeknownst to anyone, Tyreen and Troy have already come to the Vault. Troy ends up leeching Maya and takes her powers, which kills her. Why this killed Maya and not Lilith isn’t entirely clear.

Amara

Amara is the playable Siren Class in Borderlands 3, she is from the Planet of Partali and due to her nature of fighting against evil she has been dubbed the “Tiger of Partali”. Her Siren power is Phasetrance, she is able to summon physical forms of energy to attack. She has no real importance to the Siren story so far other than sharing attributes with other Sirens.

Angel

Angel is an interesting character as she was in Borderlands one and plays a much different perspective of character. In Borderlands one she practically acts as an A.I guide to prevent the opening of the Vault and furthermore, the release of The Destroyer. However, the ultimate goal is getting Eridium from the Vault so that it can fuel Handsome Jack’s plans to feed Angel’s Phaseshift powers which allows her to interact with any technology she can and manipulate it thusly.

In her Childhood, Angel learned she was a Siren at a young age and began to manipulate the tech around her. One day, she was kidnapped and was going to be sold. Handsome Jack, her father and Angel’s mother can to rescue her and by accident, Angel killed her mother after activating a turret out of fear. This lead to Jack keeping Angel in solitude in fear she’ll kill more people. This fear of course is irrational as when Angel got older she was able to control her emotions.

In Borderlands 2, Angel acts the same as her role in Borderlands 1. However, this time she helps the Vault Hunters much more and even turns against her father in the end. Nearing the end of the game she has the characters assist her from being removed from her Eridium supply, killing her. Her death leads to Patricia Tannis getting her powers, when this decision was made or why is never explained.

Nyriad

Nyriad is an Ancient Siren, presumably human. She lived along the Eridians and seemed to know a lot about Sirens in general, meaning that this knowledge was probably more well known and supposedly lost to time. It is also said she is one of the last to learn the Eridian Language directly from the Eridians.

Nyriad used her powers to seal the Fake Vault that holds The Destroyer and fed The Destroyer all of the Eridian souls so that it made be satiated, even for a while. After this, she traveled to Nekrotafeyo and sealed herself and her ability to pass on her powers. However, when Typhon DeLeon and his wife opened the Vault, it caused his wife to transfer Nyriads Phaseleech ability to Tyreen and Troy.

Nyriad also left behind many recordings across the Borderlands using the Eridian Language, revealing that the Sirens used to form a “Sisterhood” where they would all come and join together even if one died, the next Siren is said to have always found her way to the Sisterhood.

Troy and Tyreen Calypso

Troy and Tyreen are a special kind of Siren. Tyreen is obviously the main Siren, however, Troy being a parasitical twin also gained Siren powers being possibly the first and only Male Siren. They are the Children of Typhon DeLeon and his wife and were born of Necrotafeya. Their powers initially are Phaseleech which allows them to leech the power and life from anyone they come in contact with and subsequently use their powers against. They inherited their powers from Nyriad.

During Borderlands 3, Tyreen and Troy are the leaders of the Children of the Vault cult, a vicious and murderous cult that obeys the Twin’s every will and command. Their desire is to open the Grand Vault and release The Destroyer and become literal Gods. During the story, they manage to steal Lilith and Maya’s Siren abilities and by the end, Tyreen absorbs Troy and soon Tyreen fuses with The Destroyer, but is ultimately killed.

Whether or not Phaseleech will be the ability of the next Siren character is unknown, but without many others left. It’s to be assumed.

Patricia Tannis

Tannis is a long-running character in the franchise. She’s an Autistic researcher and now Siren. Her ability is Phaseshift and inherits it from Angel. Nothing about Tannis being a Siren or before her status as a Siren is important. However, she is very intelligent and does take action when necessary. It seems by the end of Borderlands 3 she has become an incredibly important character as she is essentially the new Lilith.

Before Borderlands 3, she was alone at a research site which lead her to become delusional and psychotic.

During Borderlands 3, she unleashes her Siren powers after being contained and is able to save the Vault Hunter.

Ava

Ava is the pupil of Maya who has chosen for Ava to be her heir of the Phaselock ability. Ava became a pupil after Ava’s family died, Ava became a Ship Stowaway and soon lived in extreme poverty.

In Borderlands 3, Ava is a very immature characters, regularly acting out and speaking about how unfair she’s treated due to her age. This is ultimately what would get Maya killed in the events of Borderlands 3. Ava plays a very unimportant role in the game until the events of the second to final Vault where she awakens to her Siren abilities and is able to assist the team.

After this, it seems as if Ava will become a very important character to the Series.

End

Borderlands 3 in particular drew a very important note to Sirens, suggesting their upcoming importance in the near future. Not to mention the way in the Guardian’s Warning in the Pre-Sequel. Something is coming up for the series and it seems Sirens will play a very important role. What that is isn’t even hinted at but I theorize it’ll be something that involves the Vaults, Destroyer and Eridians. This of course is not surprising but to say there’s barely information to guess would be an understatement. 

This post I will admit was just lore spattering and not really theorizing. I will update this post with more thoughts and more information as it is pretty generic “spout of what we already know”. But, I hope you enjoy anyways. I will try to make more Borderlands lore posts in the foreseeable future. Especially character analysis as this series has tons of good characters.

[thesimplyluxuriouslife]

307: How to Step into your Fullest True Self — The Way of Integrity, as taught by Martha Beck

"Your life will tell you the truth." —Martha Beck, author of The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self

Divided. Compartmentalized. Unable to give what is needed, not by choice, but by pure, sincere inability due to time and energy.

Martha Beck explains in her new book, The Way of Integrity, the word integrity originates from the Latin integer meaning "in tact" and therefore cementing the definition of integrity as "to be one thing, whole and undivided".

When we are not living a life of integrity, we are not being true to ourselves, nor the world. Now you might be thinking about the general and more commonly known definition of integrity - living by your 'values' or abiding by the morals society applauds of, but that is not what Beck writes about in her book. Instead, Beck looks at the true meaning of the word and applies it to each of us individually - a life of integrity is a one when you have aligned your body, mind, heart and soul - your actions, your mental strength, your true self - you set yourself free. In the introduction she uses a phrase commonly known on this blog/podcast - you achieve a sustainable joie de vivre. "You may not believe that such a fulfilling life is possible. It is," Beck states with calm, assured confidence and goes on throughout the rest of the book, speaking from her own incredibly challenging and terrifying and finally liberating life journey, indeed what she shares is true.

"No matter how far you think you've strayed from your true path, the moment you say I'm going to trust myself, I'm going to follow my truth, the healing begins."

Beck's book crossed my path just after I had officially and publicly announced a resolve to live my own life of integrity as I had turned in my resignation papers concluding a 20-year career in teaching public education at the secondary level. I arrived at my decision after more than a few years of hemming and hawing about such a choice being necessary for me to live fully in alignment with what I knew to be true in my heart of hearts, and as I shared in my May episode of the video series A Cuppa Moments (learn more about becoming a TOP Tier subscriber and discover more intimately why I made this decision here), it wasn't about running away, it was about running toward something I loved even more.

Another way of looking at the way of integrity is much like putting together a puzzle. It can be especially hard to rationalize why we should leave something when on paper and to onlookers everything hums along beautifully, but if the puzzle doesn't allow your nature to be nurtured, as Beck describes, when you are "rushing to conform . . . often ignoring or overruling [y]our genuine feelings—even intense one, like longing or anguish—to please your culture . . . you've divided yourself. [You] aren't in integrity (one thing) but in duplicity (two things)." In other words, the puzzle isn't your puzzle to be a part of. Having the courage to step away from something that works, even if we languish while others shine is not living a life of integrity.

"When you pursue a career that pulls you away from your true self, your talent and enthusiasm will quit on you like a bored intern."

The question we each need to ask ourselves is "Does the culture nurture your nature?" Pause for a second before answering because I would have answered yes a couple of years ago, but upon reflection, with more truths revealed, and after reading her book, my answer whilst trying to teach and write, is most certainly no.

How do you know if you are out of your integrity?

1."Your life goes pear-shaped"

Beck reveals how our inability to communicate civilly, snapping at people we love, letting ourselves be distracted regularly by rabbit holes on the internet, and on the health side - your "immune system and muscles becomes weaken . . . emotionally feeling grumpy, sad or numb." Focus and clarity — difficult to maintained, sickness is more frequent and energy is depleted. All of these 'symptons' are red flags your life is out of integrity.

Let's end this point on some good news: "Integrity is the cure to unhappiness. Period."

2. Living a life governed by the 'should's and 'supposed to' expectations

Living simply luxuriously, at its core is built upon questioning society, putting into practice critical thinking skills and thereby thinking well. When we think well, removing our biases and acknowledging the short-sightedness as well as true motivations of the culture we live in, we can think clearly and free ourselves from the pressures and guilt placed upon us to live a certain way. Even if 'your way' seems simple compared to significant societal differences such as announcing you are an atheist in a family full of devout believers of any one religious institutional faith, acknowledging your truth regarding your gender even if your family or friends cannot understand your truth, or standing up for a political issue which forces your family to confront their own long-held unconscious biases. Your way of integrity needs to be honored to set yourself free.

Beck writes in detail about her own breaking free from the 'should's when she speaks about her stepping away from Mormonism (receiving death threats for doing so), sharing with the world and her husband that she is gay, and choosing to keep her child who she knew to have Downs Syndrome (even though at the time, people she respected urged her to not to). In great emotional, yet step-by-step detail, she shares how she made it to the other side and because each decision was her truth, she set herself free. She stopped living the life she was 'supposed to' and stepped courageously into a life of integrity.

3. Emotional Struggles

"Whenever you lose your integrity, you'll feel your own unique brew of bad moods, depending on your personality . . . anxiety and depression [or] . . . free-floating hostility, itching to punch everyone in your office, familiy, zip code [or] . . . full-on panic attacks, especially during special occasions."

For me, leaving teaching felt culturally 'wrong'. What I mean by that is, teaching and being a teacher is held in high regard, as, in my bias, yet as much as it is to not be biased mind, it should be. So leaving a profession which society holds in esteem felt to already be making the 'wrong' decision. However, as Beck calls them, my 'wild beasts' of bad moods would arise in the weirdest of times. I knew something was not in alignment, but nearly all of my acquaintances, friends and even my mother, were or are teachers. So how do you have a conversation with them about leaving a profession they are already in and most sincerely love and have found their calling? In my case, you keep teaching.

4. Bad habits — can't break them

The bad habits could be an onslaught of a variety of behaviors ranging from less harmful to incredibly life destructive, but anything which does not constructively add to your life and the quality of your days is a bad habit. Whether financial expenditures, drinking or eating habits, relationship failure after failure because you refuse to have the ability to either see or change what needs to be addressed, such habits stay with us becase "when [you're] feeling fundamentally lost, afflicted by purposelessness, foul moods, and bad jobs, anything that stimulates the brain's pleasure centers can become an addiction."

I can thankfully say, I had a positive outlet for my lack of finding purpose in teaching: blogging which turned into podcasting, which turned into cooking, which became my pleasure and purpose and I am incredibly grateful I honored my curiosity to explore what this 'blogging thing' was all about way back in 2009. I don't think we all have to have horrible habits so much so it becomes painfully obvious to outsiders we are not on the right life path for true integrity, but what I appreciate about Beck's book is bringing to our attention habits which if we are being honest with ourselves, aren't helpful to living a life we sincerely love living, but we keep engaging in said habit because we need the pleasure, we need something to 'feel' good because so much doesn't and we don't know or don't have the courage yet to step off the path that isn't ours to walk upon.

How to return or begin to live a life of integrity?

1.Stop lying

"Here's the rub: if you stop lying, you'll eventually, inevitably violate the rules of a culture that matters to you."

Stop lying when responding casually to the question, "How are you doing?" Be comfortable with expressing your exuberance about the day or exhaustion. The passive, default way of living is not living and it's not the way of integrity. How we connect with others, truly connect, is to be honest. I find that our culture is more comfortable with complaining even though America strives to be happy at all times. It is as though we must not be 'too happy' lest someone either question what makes us happy or want our happiness, when the truth is, there is not a limited supply. However, most Americans are too exhausted to want to figure out their own unique way to happiness. Again, this is a push-back on culture, not the people living within the culture. Admittedly, yes, a culture is made up by people, but when we recognize we are complicit in any culture which doesn't wish for its people to find peace and contentment, we must question it. That is an exercise in critical thinking. And how we do that is by finding our own way of integrity and living it.

2. Knuckle down for the first step of changing your life - it will be hard

Be prepared, the first step, the first shift you make will be the most difficult and will feel impossible on your way to fully being your true self. But the good news is, it is 'steepest at the start'.

And in even better news, because you are stepping into your integrity, let that energy be your fuel. Just as it did for Dante (Beck's entire book parallels the journey of Dante through the levels of Hell in Dante's Inferno, Part I of The Divine Comedy) who because he wanted to be set free "so damn much" used that "intense wanting" to "propel him forward over terrain he doesn't believe he can cover."

3. Acknowledging and walking away from 'bad or disordered' love

"'Bad' or 'disordered' love emerges when people are well-meaning but mistaken—for example, when we feel loyal to people and ideas that don't match our inner truth."

So many of Beck's anecdotes are specific and clearly teach what she is introducing to readers. On this point she shares, "You might stop laughing at your coworker's crude jokes. You may come out as gay or trans. You may start posting things on social media that shock your loved ones. You may turn into some version of Rosa Parks, refusing to give up her bus seat to a white person." In sharing these examples, she reveals how quickly our lives will change when we step away from 'bad' love. And it happens quickly because while you've known for quite some time your truth, you haven't shared it with those who you've let keep 'loving' you in a way that serves their needs, but neglects yours.

4. Be prepared to contemplate returning to old ways (even if they weren't true to you)

Prior to deciding to leave teaching, I chose to regularly see my counselor, and I am grateful I did. On this point, she reminded me, after always checking in with me about how I was feeling about my decision (once I had decided I would write my resignation letter) that there will be mourning for the 'old misery'. In other words, the life you know and are leaving, you will at times - whether in your dreams or in different states where you are emotionally weak or exhausted (these times especially were when my doubts would arise) - seriously doubt the decision you are about to make. What is happening is natural, and it does subside in time as I can share now after having felt those moments of mourning for the known misery. "Studies in psychoneuroimmunology show that if we plunge too quickly into any major change, even a good one, our bodies and minds can't absorb the shock. We must give our psycholoigcal and physiological systems time to adjust."

How we give ourselves this time is where the phrase "mourning the known misery" comes from. And it is knowing that such a temporary state exists that we are able to better navigate through this time and into a life in which we are fully embracing our true nature. A few words from Beck on this subject,

"If you start honoring your true nature and find yourself missing your old culture, don't panic. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself time and space to grieve. Confide in loved ones. If they don't understand, find a coach or therapist. But don't think that missing your old life means you should go back to it."

5. A life transformed for the better

"Whatever you do to heal the world, it will replace [bad health, habits, moods, etc. - what Beck refers to as 'dark wood of error symptoms'] with purpose, happiness, vitality, love, abundance, and fascination that specifically match your true nature."

Perhaps this all sounds too good to be true, but simply the fact that you are thinking that is the hope you have unconsciously, that you hope it can be true. That it can be possible.

Benefits of finding your way to integrity and living it daily

1. A life full of "meaning, enchantment and fascination"

The world needs what you uniquely can give to it. When we each find the courage to honor our nature especially when the culture doesn't nurture it, we step forward toward a life full of meaning and we as well become uplifted and enthralled with the awesome life we have the good fortune to live.

Beck points out that thankfully, 'nature doesn't give up without a fight', so if you are doubting that it is too late, that you've waited too long, no it's not and no you haven't. The mere fact that you are still contemplating, wishing, hoping, wondering is nature's strength of hanging on until you finally take action to courageously find your way of integrity.

2. Breath-taking moments are experienced beyond what the culture tells you is possible

"Obviously, no one will have taught you how to navigate such wonders. No worries. You'll learn fast. You were born for it."

If happiness, and based on having read this book, I think more deeply it fits the definition of contentment, if contentment is something you could buy in the store and be promised a life of awe, wonder, peace, would you buy it? What if I told you it was free? I have a feeling some would question it must be too good to be true, but that is our conditioning when it comes to believing in how possible living well is. We have been conditioned to believe happiness can only be pursued, not attained, AND that only so many people are capable of attaining it so we must hurry up and chase it down, ignoring the present and constantly live in the future. But that is errant thinking.

The ability to attain contentment for free is possible because it exists within us each already. Our true nature, our true selves, has always been with us. We now just need to let it speak. In other words, let ourselves speak honestly, truthfully, and the world begins to change for the better. Not only for each one of us who courageously takes this step, but for all of us, as we begin to see who each of us actually is, how diverse and awesome we actually are and how to think well without unconscious manipulation.

3. A stronger you both physically and emotionally

As you begin to step off the wrong path and onto your way of integrity, there will be push-back, but wonderfully, you will be more capable than you might have ever imagined because, "Even if the people around [you] raise merry hell, [you] find yourself coping—more than that, thriving—more easily than [you'd] imagined."

4. A more peaceful you

The truth about feeling drained, emotionally exhausted is not necessarily the environment's fault, but rather that we shouldn't be in that environment. We are needed some place else. Find that and find your peace.

5. A life of inner harmony

True contentment, as shared on TSLL many times previously, is capable of being experienced even during the most difficult of moments and heartbreaking days and events. Why? When you've found and know what inner harmony is, an alignment of your true self - body, mind, heart and soul - you tend to what you have control over and acknowledge what you don't. You are living a life of truth in your actions, words and thoughts, and you are strengthened knowing how to navigate forward well, modeling and, when applicable, and you are capable, nurturing those around you forward as well with kindness and compassion.

6. Find your people who 'get' you

"If you don't walk your true path, you don't find your true people."

Ah, while I have met so many amazing people during my years as a teacher whether the staff and colleagues I have been incredibly fortunate and privileged to work alongside, the many, many parents who's love and tireless efforts to raise children in a world that is ever-changing, and especially the awesome students who through their natural strengths and honed skills, learning from struggles and finding truths along the way, my connection has been professional as I kept, for the most part, my writing life compartmentalized from my teaching life.

Once I finally began talking about what I love about blogging, which was only this spring (except to one, maybe two people over the years), a burden on my shoulders was lifted and I felt free. Some don't understand what I am stepping fully into and our relationships, even though respectfully colleagial, have lessened, but to others, we've had even more honest conversations than we have ever had. And this is just the beginning.

"We simply can't chart a course to happiness by linking up with others who are as lost as we are. The path to true love—true anything—is the way of integrity."

In order to fully and deeply connect with others we must be our true selves - no holding back, no editing, no 'hoping they like us'. When we are our true selves, it doesn't matter if everyone gets us so long as we let ourselves be set free, and that is what draws others of similar understanding and those who can see our honest and raw expression and who appreciate such strength will be drawn to, and those are the people you want to connect with. Those are the people with whom healthy, loving relationships spring from.

7. Balance

Yes, balance is possible (although our culture would have us believe otherwise, believing it is a skill to master, being constantly thrown from side to side, stressor to next stressor - don't buy into this myth!). In The Divine Comedy, Virgil writes something that 'stuns Dante. All these 'sins' are actually based in love. Sloth, greed, gluttony, and lust are simply unbalanced relationships with rest, abundance, nourishment and sex. We can err by either compulsively indulging or rigidly repressing our natural relationship with these things. This lack of balance doesn't come when we allow union with our true nature, but when we split ourselves away from it. It's misguided thinking, not natural behavior, that causes us to stray from our innocence."

Our innocence is our true selves. Our true self is found and experienced when we step into the way of integrity. Bravely doing so, courageously striding, becoming ever more stronger and exhilarated with each step.

8. Fulfill your long-term heart's desires

For this last point in today's post/episode, I'll leave you with Beck's words as she reflects on her own life journey and teaches us one of the grandest benefits of finding your own way of integrity, embracing your true self:

"As this internal shift occurred, life seemed to deliver more and more of the things I'd longed for during my life. I began to imagine that the universe works like this: whenever we humans long for something, the Powers That Be immediately send it. But everything we've ordered is always delivered to our real home address: peace. This is why we struggle for things in a state of desperation, they don't come to us—nothing works when it's misaligned. But when we return to a state of peace, the things we've 'ordered' can finally reach us."

— Martha Beck, The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self (2021)

The way of integrity is a path through and with life that makes you excited simply to envision it for a moment. You may breathe a sigh of relief and a smile creeps upon your face spontaneously each time you dare to think what you imagine could be your real life. I have been so incredibly excited to share today's episode with you because while my last day of teaching doesn't occur for another two weeks, the announcement has been made, the reality has been put into place, and a peace not-yet-known-until-now is already being felt (yes, moments of mourning the known misery creep up, but they are fewer and fewer, and now I know immediately where they stem from and how to navigate respectfully through these feelings).

Living simply luxuriously doesn't just happen and it indeed takes time. When we learn the skills necessary for living a life of true contentment, we can then begin to build what will be unique to each of us. The foundation of a fulfilling, joy-filled life, is to realign yourself with your true self. To conclude with more sagacity from Martha Beck on making our way to integrity, "Not because this path is virtuous, but because it aligns you with reality, with truth. Your life will work for the same reason a well-built plane will fly. Not a reward for good behavior. Just physics." Logical and simultaneously honoring the full humanity of each and every one of us.

SHOP Martha Beck's book The Way of Integrity | Amazon | Bookshop.org

PETIT PLAISIR

~Lupin, on Netflix

~Learn more about this episode's Petit Plaisir on this specially dedicated post.

PART ONE, Trailer (season 1)

https://youtu.be/Y3tVDKuORi8

PART ONE, Trailer (season 1)

https://youtu.be/53cCYOIOEQc

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #307

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[hibiscusangel15]

Two Months

Happy @ichirukimonth 2020, everyone! Here’s the first of a series of fics I plan to write!

Summary: He’s only known her for two months. Why does her leaving feel like a betrayal? For Day 5 of Ichiruki Month 2020.

Rating: K+

Day 5 Prompt: Betrayal

Also crossposted to FFN and AO3!

How long does it take to form a habit?

Thirty days. One month.

It took even less than that for Ichigo to grow used to her steady presence in his closet. How odd that spending just another month with her made her absence feel like a loss.

It was ridiculous, of course. Two months was hardly enough time to form a bond, let alone get to really know a person.

And yet, he had come to know Rukia, hadn’t he? She had a strong sense of duty. She loved rabbits. Her drawings sucked ass.

He’d seen her smug. He’d seen her smile.

He made her cry.

All within the span of two months. All because of him. And because of him, she was going to die.

Rukia didn’t deserve such a fate. She’d thrown away everything that night they first met. All on a whim, too. That was what shook him most.

Saving lives to her was as easy as breathing. She saved his family’s lives. Inoue and Tatsuki’s lives. Chad’s life. Even Kon’s.

And his. So many times in a thousand different ways. In ways that put her own at risk.

She was so stupid. She always harped on and on about how reckless he was, but then she went and acted just as foolishly.

Ichigo turned to his now-empty closet. “Hypocrite.”

He wished he could hear what her snarky response would be. At least then it would trigger a petty argument or a wandering conversation. Anything but this awful stillness.

How long does it take to break a habit? Another month? Two?

Nighttime was too quiet without her.

Their late conversations had been sparse, at first. In the early days, Rukia would scold him over improper fighting stances or techniques, and he would ignore her out of pure spite. Ichigo wasn’t sure when exactly this shifted into something more casual. He did remember the topic that sparked it, though.

“What’s it like there?” he asked her one night. “In Soul Society, I mean.”

Rukia seemed startled by the question. Probably because he acted like he didn't care much about their work before. That didn't mean he didn't want to know more about her world.

"It's...peaceful.” She dragged the word out like some unruly dog. Like a practiced courtesy even she didn't believe in. “You never have to worry about hunger unless you have spirit energy. Thankfully, a lot of people don’t.”

“What happens if you do have spirit energy?”

“Then you become a Shinigami.”

“No, I don’t mean that. I mean, if most spirits don’t feel hunger, then they don’t feel the need to eat obviously. But if you even have the slightest bit of spirit energy, what are you supposed to do? I can’t imagine a world where the majority doesn’t need to eat needs farms or food production. Are you just gonna starve? Can you even starve if you’re dead?”

Rukia looked away. “You can. Your soul might even fade because of it.”

“So what’re you supposed to do then?”

“Weren’t you listening to me, idiot? You become a Shinigami.”

Ichigo sat up in his bed. “Yeah, but what if you don’t want to be a Shinigami? I mean, there’s gotta be other ways to help people with spirit energy in the Soul Society.”

“I didn’t think humans could be this naive.” There was a hint of a smile in her voice. “Surely even in the World of the Living, most resources are relegated to merchants and the wealthy.”

“I’m not naive,” he snapped. “You’re the one that acts like Shinigami are doing ghosts a favor by sending them off to Soul Society. That place sounds awful if you have spirit energy.”

“What else can I do? Most humans believe that the life after this one is peaceful. Who am I to take that away from them?” she asked. “Could you honestly tell me you’d say anything different?”

The headlights of a car washed over his ceiling, illuminating his room for just a split second. It was long enough to catch the weary frustration in her eyes, harsh and heavy and cold.

Her gaze became more of a challenge to hold. She was right. It hurt her to be right.

Ichigo’s eyes fell first. “No, I probably wouldn’t. It’s just….”

“Just what?”

“It’s just sad. I don’t know. I haven’t even been a Shinigami that long, but even I know it can be exhausting. Dropping everything to kill Hollows, running the risk of serious injury or death…. Not everybody’s gonna be cut out for the kinda work you guys do.”

“Yes, well. You make do.”

And just like that, she shut the topic down. He still had so many questions he wanted to ask.

“I guess,” he said instead. “Oh, and Rukia?”

“Hm?”

“Sorry.”

“For what?”

“For making you feel bad, I guess. I still have a lot to learn about this Shinigami thing.”

Rukia was quiet for a long time. Then she laughed, a soft, genuine sound that took him completely aback. It was the first time he’d ever heard her laugh that way.

A part of him wanted to hear it again. To see the gentle smile that accompanied it.

It wouldn’t be the last time he cursed the darkness between them.

“Fool,” she whispered. “You don’t need to apologize for something as trivial as that.”

His face grew warm. “Too bad. I just did.”

“Hm.” She shuffled for the closet door handle. “Good night, Ichigo.”

“Yeah, good night.”

The screen sliced through their space and wreathed the room in damnable silence.

                                                         * * *

Ichigo regretted not trying to make her laugh more that night. He regretted not doing a lot of things during those months with Rukia.

Once he finally had time to process everything that happened the night Renji and her brother took her away, all Ichigo felt was angry. Mostly at her.

It didn’t make sense for him to feel this way, he knew. She saved his life. His pathetic, worthless life.

She protected him one last time, and he couldn't even scrounge up enough decency to be grateful.

No, he couldn’t think that way. He would rescue her. He would protect her in the same ways that she was always protecting him.

He was right to be ungrateful. He was right to be angry.

Rukia gave up everything for him. She did so without hesitation. But Soul Society simply decided her years of service, her sacrifice, her life meant nothing.

And she had agreed with them. Kicked him away, yelled at him, threatened him, and agreed with the bastards that attacked her that she had no right to her own life.

It was a betrayal he was not willing to stand for.

So he would stand and fight. It didn’t matter who. It didn't matter how many. Anyone who got in his way was an enemy. Anyone who put Rukia through that hell wouldn’t get to decide her fate. Rukia herself could fight him on this if she wanted to. He wouldn't let her be resigned to her own death.

He already decided her opinion about all this didn’t matter. All that did matter was her safety. Her happiness. The chance to hear her laugh that wonderfully soft laugh again.

Ichigo would let that guy with the cane and weird hat train him if it meant a shot at recovering any of that.

Two months. In just two months, Rukia had changed his world.

Now he would do anything to change hers.

[agentargus]

So this was in my drafts and I figured I’d finish it up. @thatdamnokie and I had talked about the possibility of Seraphim interacting with more of my characters and this was the result. It’s intended as a sequel to Morgan’s Drabble about Seraphim’s first mission with Nova.

Loath as Dante was to doubt Caroline’s judgement, especially in matters of their shared trade, he could hardly pretend that he didn’t have questions. Exorcists were Repubblica’s bread and butter—or rather, bread and wine. What could possibly be so special about this one’s injuries for Caroline to suggest such desperate measures? He found cold comfort in the fact that she trusted him with a task like this, but he only hoped that this whole trip would prove to be unnecessary.

“Agent Seraphim?” Dante poked his head into the examination lab, scratching at the sigil at the back of his neck absentmindedly at the sight of her, “or would you prefer ‘Morgan?’”

“Morgan’s fine, thanks,” she replied You must be Dr. Argenti.”

Oh no, darling,” Dante laughed, “I’m barely a soccorritore* Dr. Argenti is my mother,” already finished established in her field at his age, in fact. The unwelcome reminder unfurled itself from the corners of his mind like the first clouds of a storm. Swallowing hard, he busied himself with washing his hands to keep the thunder of his thoughts at bay. Remember your training, as much a prayer as it was a constant reminder within the Societies. “Looks like you’ve got your shoe off and your foot propped up already. Sei propiro in gamba...”**

“What?”

“That was supposed to be a pun, but it doesn’t make sense in English. Anyway, let’s sneaker a peak at that foot of yours.“ She did not laugh, but he’d hardly expected her to, not if she was in pain, anyway. “Beautiful work,” he studied the tiny spiral of scar tissue with consideration, “no less than I’d expect from Cara. You could say she toes the line—toes, as in feet? Never mind. But it’s still hurting you?”

Morgan turned away from him at this “It’s not that bad. I’m only here because Caroline insisted...”

“You flatter me, but just because you made your hospital bed, that doesn’t mean I’ll let you lie in it.”

“What?”

“You’re lying,” Dante could only hope that his squint would mask the crimson glaze that always seemed to fall over his eyes at the realization of a hidden sin, “about how bad the pain is, I mean. I’m a fool, not an idiot. If it wasn’t crippling, Cara would have given you something for the pain and sent you on your way. Perhaps she already did, but you’re still hurting enough to have come back to her. She flew me out from the Vatican, darling—and boy, are her little cherub wings tired. If the pain wasn’t serious, I wouldn’t be here.”

I...” Morgan’s eyes narrowed slightly and she pursued her lips for a moment before finally sighing, “...okay fine. My fiancé insisted I go back to medical. It doesn’t hurt all the time, but I get these really awful flare-ups...”

“When you feel particularly guilty, yes? Or when you’re attacked during an exorcism.” When she didn’t respond, suggesting to him that he was right, he continued, “you blame yourself for Agent Nova’s injuries too, and the fact that she had to remove the needle, though all of that was hardly your fault.”

Morgan raised an inquisitive eyebrow, “how did you..?

“You didn’t read the release form that Cara gave to you for to sign? For sign? To sign?” English, always a welcome distraction with its many idiosyncrasies, “To sign! That’s it. But you did sign it...” again, no response. As silent as a priest upon hearing a particularly scandalous confession. Fitting for an exorcist, really. “You know,” he continued, “it was very tempting to pretend that I was reading your mind, but I’m beginning to think that the joke would be as lost on you as...well, as lost as an angel in hell.”

Morgan flinched slightly, steadying herself with almost indecent haste “...Sorry.”

“Marone! I’ve gone and made you feel guilty,” then more to himself than to Morgan, “I just make things worse! This is why I can’t get into med school...”

“Don’t worry, it’s fine...”

Not so much a traditional confession, Dante realized. Rather, it was as though the confessional vestibule stretched between them like a volleyball net, guilt and forgiveness bouncing from one side to the other...Well, it was an amusing visual at least. “I expected you to say that. You knew it would hurt you more if you projected it outward, because the ultimate guilt is that anyone else should hurt the way you do, which makes the guilt worse. A...circolo vizioso...a vicious circle?”

“You mean a vicious cycle? Yeah, I guess?”

“I see. Well, it isn’t infected, the scans in your file don’t suggest any traces of the poison left inside. Cara is beyond compare when it comes to these things. The bulk of the damage that remains is spiritual, rather than physical in nature. Then again, we could simply amputate your foot; it could give you a leg up...”

“Now I know you’re joking.”

“Only partially,” he forced a smile, hoping to God she didn’t suspect that he was stalling, “anyway, I’m imagining you’ve already been to see a therapist—and that gorgeous priest of yours, Agent Exorcist. Incidentally, have you heard the one about how a priest is like a Christmas tree? The balls are only for decoration!”

Finally, a good solid laugh from Agent Seraphim. Maybe this would be alright after all. Agent Cherub wouldn’t have brought him here if she didn’t trust him, and who was he to question her taste?

“The very business of hell is the separation of guilt from pain, yes?” Dante continued, “for what are true sinners but people who feel no guilt from the pain they inflict? Your guilt isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, but we might be able to separate it from the pain. I suspect a summoner might transfer the pain into their own body when the demon left them, so that eliminates the average magic-user. Sending you back through the hellgate is out of the question, of course...” this new boost of confidence was more fleeting than he’d realized, draining with the reasons he could muster to keep stalling. His heart raced in his throat and he took several deep breaths before conceding, “there really isn’t a better option, is there..?”

“A better option than what?”

Just blurt it out, he told himself, don’t think it through, don’t dance around the truth anymore. Then, deciding himself better off throughly ignoring his own advice, he replied as carefully as he could, “I’m a terrible liar so I’m not even going to try: I’m afraid. Why do you think I haven’t stopped talking the entire time you’ve been here? You’re an exorcist. Once you stop hearing me, you’ll feel me. You’ll know what I am and what I’m made of and you’ll understand why Cara thinks I can help you. She thinks that this...this part of me can do something other than punish people, other than hurt people, scare people into running—thank God I didn’t wear eye makeup today, because that would be running too if I had.”

He hadn’t expected her to take his hand, much less that her grip would be so firm. “Wait...just let me...” Morgan’s voice was soft, more gentle than authoritative. Her gaze, by contrast, rippled through him, awakening the dormant forces beneath his skin now struggling against their tattooed restraints. An anxious lurching, like the flutter of wings, pulsed within his stomach. He could see her lips purse and her shoulders tense in pain, but she never turned from him, not once.

“I’m sorry, Morgan...” never enough. Eventually, the realization always came.

“Hey, like you said, I was going to find out anyway,” Morgan’s forced smile was a mirror of Dante’s own, “it’s alright. I know how to handle demons...”

“But if we both doubt ourselves...”

“We have to believe in each other instead,” she finished for him, “I’m an exorcist. Literally been through hell. I’ve got this.”

Dante heaved a deep sigh, pulling up a stool to the examination bed, “alright. How did you want to do this?”

“Close your eyes. Let your heart rate slow. Relax your shoulders and think of something calming. Let go of your inhibitions. I’ve got you. You’re safe... Vefa mena Murmux ayer...”

His mind filled with memories of home. Far away, among the souls of the dead, towering and sequestered in blue—was it sky or water? Heaven or Poveglia? Did it even matter?

“Vefa mena Murmux ayer...”

Home that was not home, that place where he could not be what his creator intended, never quite fit, so he couldn’t stay.

“Vefa mena Murmux ayer...”

Too much for heaven to contain, too much trapped within a prison of flesh frozen in time. He’d broken through the shell of his cosmic egg, transformed, a baptism of fire, of his own destruction and rebirth. Graying plaster dust and fallen stars, fraying straps on a white straightjacket, an angel’s robes singed...and smoke. So much smoke...

“Duke Murmur?”

Fluorescent light swam around her with an angel’s glow. A little star bereft of the warmth her light might have exuded long ago. Now she sat before him, cold and small and fragile as all humans were. “Pretty little seraph,” he hummed, “fell and hurt yourself, did you?”

“I was injured restoring Prince Krueger to his position. The court of the Fallen owes me a debt. Will you pay it for me?”

He reached his neck as long as it would go, lips stretched white in semblance of a smile...“I was a throne, once, I think; if memory serves, I would have served you.”

Unflappable, she was. “And will you serve me now?”

“I live to serve,” this abject truth should have come up bitter. Perhaps it would have, when he was young and falling, drowning—sky or water, toward Hell or the bottom of Venice Lagoon? He couldn’t remember—all for a creator who would sooner let him fall than accept failure. But now, now he found himself in service to a trade to which he was uniquely suited—and in service to humanity.

He struggled against the shackles tattooed upon his human body’s flesh, trying in vain to grow. Such tiny hands to carry so heavy a burden...but perhaps, just this once, he could be enough.

Slowly, he caressed the seraph’s wound with one of those tiny human hands. She tensed beneath his touch as he found the throbbing agony within her, drawing it out like a splinter until it became indistinguishable from his own. “The debt has been paid.”

“Thank you, your grace,” she hummed, lowering her head in what seemed to be more relief than reverence.

Then, his chest tightened; pang of fear, a sinking doubt. Human insecurity or fear of God, he could not tell, “are you going to try where the others have failed, little seraph, going to send me away, little exorcist? You wouldn’t be the first to waste the effort.”

“That depends entirely on what you do to me.”

He could see her, really see her, even with just two eyes, perhaps with greater clarity than either one of them could see themselves, “I remain here because humans wished to be more than they were. You remain here because humans feared that they couldn’t be more than they were. A fallen angel is her own inner demon. The only thing I can do to you that you’ve not already done to yourself is ease the pain of the fall. I revel in the knowledge that we’re more alike than could ever be entirely comfortable...and that, little seraph, is why we’re both here...”

It was closeness that the both of them desired, warmer, like Icarus to the sun. Was it the sadism and masochism equally present within the fallen that relishes the suffering he shared with her? Or was it the desperation of his humanity that valued what companionship might arise from that suffering? Perhaps both.

Perhaps not comfortable, but fitting. Doubt and guilt and pain, suffering for something distant and divine. Perhaps there was solace in the bonding, mutual discomforts canceling each other out, community among the outcasts for whom the binaries of heaven and hell had been shattered into the sands of the earth. Demons and angels and humans.

After all, he was human, wasn’t he? He was small and fleshy and hungered for Morgan’s friendship, or at least her approval. One bleeding into the other, the separation imposed only by the limits of the human body. Slowly, the star’s glow faded, Morgan coming into back into focus.

“D-did it work?” Dante asked apprehensively

“I think so. My foot feels better, anyway. Do you remember anything?”

Dante pursed his lips “I... I think so. Sort of...should I be worried if I remembered?”

“Why would you be?”

“Because it would mean that Murmur isn’t as separate from me as I’ve been trying to convince myself. Demons, they’re supposed to possess you completely, but I am still myself when I’m him, in a way. Does that make me evil?”

“I don’t know as much about this stuff as you give me credit for...” Morgan signed, humbling herself as usual.

“You are an exorcist. You see me. You see him. When you look, where does he end and I begin?”

“Honestly, I can’t tell. More importantly, I’m not sure it matters. It’s what you do that’s important, not who you are.”

“I don’t think I did anything I wasn’t supposed to...Did I hurt you? I don’t remember hurting you...”

“You didn’t hurt me, I promise.”

“A miracle from heaven, then. Gloria patri!” It was as though a weight had been lifted. No longer drowning, floating to the surface, as close to heaven as a demon reborn human could manage... “And now, lunch! Carter—Agent Thorn�� and I were going to get Chinese food when I was finished working on you. You should come. It’ll be...”

“Let me guess, chow-fun.”

Dante beamed “I was actually going to say the ‘mein event’ of my trip, but ‘chow-fun’ is much better.”

“Chinese food sounds great. Thanks—for everything.”

“Well, I had a bit of divine intervention.”

——

*An emergency medic who works in a specific kind of ambulance. The closest English equivalent would be an EMT or a paramedic.

**”in gamba” literally means “on leg,” but is an idiom meaning that someone knows what they’re doing.