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quartings · 8 months

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Finally reading the full XY volumes!

For context, XY is my least favorite Pokespe arc, so I decided to give it a second chance hoping that the extra chapters and better art in the full volumes would help me like it more. But did it?

What I liked:

I will say that the extra “filler” chapters really helped pace out the story much better and warmed me up to the characters! The Pokemon-Amie and Super Training chapters in particular. It felt weird not having an explanation in the originals for Y’s Sylveon, let alone an Eevee. This is why I disagree with people nowadays hating filler content. Done right, it helps with character and worldbuilding in small subconscious ways that can help an audience enjoy a story more!

I do enjoy how bold the arc starts, having Vaniville be decimated by the legendaries in the first chapter!

Reading the XY arc chapter-to-chapter and mini volume to mini volume, it felt like X took much longer to even help his friends. Now reading the arc all at once, he feels much less stubborn and selfish, which is good!

Minor thing- removing Y’s nudity is the only instance of censorship in Pokemon Adventures that I actually appreciate. It doesn’t disrupt the plot or make no sense like censoring Green’s Pokeball booby trap, Emerald’s pee joke, or especially Norman and Mirei’s abuse.

Apparently, a lot of the Gurkinn stuff was added in the full volumes? My memory on it’s a bit foggy but that’s wild to me if true- it just feels so plot-important. No wonder I felt the arc was badly-paced on my first readthrough!

Speaking of which, I love that we get chapters dedicated to non-dexholders again! It feels like we last got stuff like that with Keldeo in BW or the Hoenn Gym Leaders!

A lot of the other things I like about XY have been said by most other people already and apply to Pokespe as a whole. Battles are fun and creative, making great use of Pokemon trivia from their dex entries, the leads are unique and well-written compared to the rest of the franchise, there’s a good mix of dark and light themes, and the returning characters are fun and meaningful cameos!

What I disliked still:

It’s still really hard for me to suspend my disbelief that Team Flare managed to silence or arrest everyone who saw the Xerneas-Yveltal battle or its aftermath, especially in the age of the internet.

The gang learning most of the important plot stuff from Team Flare constantly spilling their plans kind of killed some of the tension for me, to be honest. Also them letting all the grunts go instead of capturing them for info or just to turn them over to the authorities.

Sycamore not realizing Lysandre is evil is stupid in any version of XY’s story, I’m sorry.

Team Flare’s brainwashed victims having the “same personalities” felt a bit lazy still. Brainwashing is one of my least favourite tropes though, so I might be biased there.

I think the manga over-corrected with Shauna, Trevor, and Tierno. Instead of all being overly positive and aimless like in the games, being put in constant danger in the manga means they’re all similar levels of scared and stressed, so their personalities don’t stand out all that much either. Shauna especially just being a similar aggressive and serious type like Y, just with less of a backstory. That one weird sexist quip Shauna had in the Sylveon chapter also rubbed me the wrong way, too.

Minor- I still don’t get why Kusaka aged the main cast down from 17/18 to 12 in this arc. It just makes X and Y look like they got hydraulic pressed proportions-wise, and makes the aforementioned scene with Y feel gross.

Speaking of which, why is Clemont drawn SO short in this arc?! He’s normal-sized in the official art and the anime, so that’s another baffling change to me.

Minor- Malva gets her Pyroar back from Aliana after the Diancie chapter where she already has Pyroar- is there something I’m missing here?

While the pacing has vastly improved compared to the mini volumes, it still feels off in the final two volumes. Suddenly taking an intermission from the Ultimate Weapon to introduce Zygarde practically out of nowhere just feels clunky. Compared to the anime where they had both Zygarde and the Megalith planned months in advance with proper foreshadowing. Or a better comparison would be the RS manga, where both evil teams planned on using Groudon and Kyogre from the start, and that’s what we end the series on.

TLDR: Overall I’ve really warmed up on this arc! I had way less confusion reading through it thanks to the extra chapters, and I’ve grown to understand X a bit more as a protagonist. I still have some problems with the arc, namely how the rivals are handled, and how Team Flare is presented as an omnipresent all-controlling shadow government when their members at all levels constantly spill their secrets. If you have any other thoughts, facts, or even disagreements, I’d love to hear them!

I’d say this reread has put XY above B2W2 and maybe SwSh in my ranking of all the arcs, which is still something! Now we all have to wait and see how ORAS’ full volume release changes its place on the rankings, hehe…

#pokespe #pokemon adventures #pokespe xy #trainer x #yvonne gabena #q speaks #review #positivity #negativity

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stopscammingartists · 1 year

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Perhaps this is a controversial opinion, but I was thinking about glips nsfw exposure to children.

I don’t think it’s inherently wrong when kids find porn on their own. I’m aware is not good for any child to find porn and I firmly believe theres an epidemic in my and the latest generation of porn exposure/addiction at young ages. I was underage when I first saw porn, I knew I wasn’t supposed to look at such content so I tried to avoid it, when I became I late teen I’d seek it out more on my own. No adults were apart of that experience of mine, same can’t be said for many of my friends and other young adults. I think Sex Ed also plays a factor, learning that stuff early can avoid so many problems.

The thing I take issue with is when adults participate in that porn exposure to children/teens. Glips PMD, and floras AD site is what I take issue with. The Floras AD site doesn’t even have “are you 18? Y/N” and it’s right in their Twitter bio. Glip in the past having a blog answering sexual questions and giving advice to children. Minors still being present in both servers to this very day, when time and time again it has been proven to not be a safe place for them. Especially given that glip has defended a predator in the past, and keeping harmful people around.

I do believe that as adults, we do generally have some responsibility to keep children out of pornographic spaces - not just for their sake, but for our own. Dead of ass it's fucking weird to be okay with having kids in pornographic chat rooms! There really is so much that we as individuals can do, but a little effort goes a long way. There additionally needs to be zero tolerance for adults exposing kids to this sort of thing. Who made the decision to show Japhet forbidden flora content? Are they still in the community? The only reasonable response Glip could have to that knowledge is to permanently ban whoever showed Japhet that content- but not only does that seem to not be the case, no one in the call seemed to be surprised or call it out. It seemed to me like, for all of them: this was normal.

Glip apologized to Japhet for seeing cropped porn in Insomiacs video, but for all we know- Japhet could have already been shown the full explicit image by someone else in the community. To Glip, it's fine if [someone they presumably like] sends a minor uncensored NSFW content, but it's not fine if [someone they dislike] has censored NSFW content within a video and a minor watches it.

This grandstanding hypocrisy only shows that Glip only sees Japhet as a tool to dig at Insomiac, and doesn't really care when someone in their own community does something way worse to him.

Idk, maybe I'm wrong and the person who exposed Japhet to that content was immediately removed from the community for it - I hope I am wrong here! But. I doubt it.

Edit: Hey! Good news, Japhet has contacted me and confirmed that the individual who showed him this content was not someone in the floraverse community. So I was thankfully wrong about this. Glip does have cropped porn as their twitter banner, which still feels a bit hypocritical for them to call out Insomiac for doing the same, but it's not nearly as bad as I was previously presuming.

I agree, it's not about preventing kids from outright learning about this stuff, it's about ensuring they learn about it safely and in a good environment. If my home had better sex-ed besides 'lol watch this lady give birth', and I got that sex-ed before my exposure to pmd-e, pmd-e probably wouldn't have traumatized me as much as it did.

Glip is not only outright incapable of fostering a safe healthy community, they're especially incapable of fostering a safe community for minors. It's downright insane that they still have the audacity to allow minors within their community after how many children they traumatized while proclaiming to be different now.

#floraverse

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eviltext · 2 years

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ok here’s the thing.

some of u probably know by now that i like to over-explain and overshare a lot and take things literally sometimes and not discern when someone is fucking with me. this is due to many different (assumed) medical, cultural, circumstantial, situational etc reasons that i’mnot gonna go into at the moment. not the time for that. anyway it’s a part of my personality and stifling it feels awful and not genuine to who i am. it feels like im putting on a front and self-censoring or whateer. most of my friends, close and not, know about this trait of mine, they accept it or ignore it or work around it etc we live in a society. sometimes i get carried away and need to be reminded to stay on topic or if im being oblivious to some inside joke or what fucjing ever you get it. not a problem. (amazingly) i am on good terms with a lot of people, i consider some of them my friends. and most of these people either accept, work around or ignore this motherfucking charafter trait. okay. sure. we live in a sort of isolated community we need to make way for others’ quirks and stuff. all of said friends and acquaintances have their respective weird traits and quirks that i also personally accept, ignore or work around. give and take. right. SO. what im getting at here. there’s this person. their trait is being really rude and jokingly mean and very frank and outspoken about their thoughts. cool! we love honesty. not a problem right? well. my problem is i try to ignore their scathing remarks but like cmon if you get told to go fuck yourself enough times you must feel a little bit bad at least. and like. it wouldve been ok if we were just you know normal friends who have normal banter. whatevre. what’s a little go fuck yourself between friends. but no. to rub salt into the wound, this motherfucker had a really bad crush on me and we even tried to date for a couple of weeks, during which i poured my soul out to them to a certain degree. as you do. they know why i talk too much. they know why i overexplain. in turn i know why they swear at people so much and why they speak so brashly as a form of familiarity. we had our moments or whatever. we parted as friends and on good terms. we are in one friend group and regularly hang out together. is it too much to ask to idk not call me annoying in front of like five different people. like come on. i know. please don’t rub it in. so the thing is i will never get used to this and they will never change. i am well aware it’s too muchbto ask to alter their personality to fit mine. just like it’s too much to ask the opposite. im not going to confront them. im not going to bring this up to our mutual friends. there’s really no way out of this but to vent to you guys and cope and hunker down and take it. i know. but it just feels bad. they’re being mean. i really needed this off my chest lol if you read all this you’re really nosy (joking. i love you)

#p #rant/vent whatevererer #friendships are difficult.

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shembl · 2 years

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Moby Dick for Normal People - 2

Hello there, we are back once again for more literary charcuterie! In this one I’m told there was some super suspect racist stuff in the original text, and that my pal Andy had me reading from a censored version, which could be better, could be worse, I will never know, and there’s something comforting in accepting that.

Anyway, please accept this text into your eyes and brain.

Chapter 2: The Bag

I slung some shirts into my bag and left Manhattan Island, New York, New York to try and get to Nantucket, but there were no boats so I was fucked for travel for a bit. It was a saturday night in December, so it was cold.

If I were the type of fella looking to go out and do some whaling, which I was! I’d be looking to get started from Nantucket, which is an island by the way; most easily accessible by a little boat from New Bedford, which is where I was now stuck for a weekend.

Lot of whaling history in Nantucket, they’ve been whaling here for ages, invented it basically. These Wampanoag guys set off from there ages back, back before people had even figured out how to tell how far away things are with their eyes. Did you know they used to have to chuck rocks at the whales to see how far away they were?

Anyway, Nantucket’s the place for a Whaleman to be. Annoying that there were no ferries there then.

A whole weekend with no bed and no friends. I had a quick poke around in my one pocket. No money either.

“Okay Ishmael” I said to myself. “This is shit. You’ve got no cash, and no friends, and now you’re in a town you don’t know and you’ve got to find a place to stay for two nights before we can ditch this place.” Gloom to the north of me, and Darkness to the south, I was gonna have to pinch some pennies, choose a proper dive and not complain too much about everything all the time.

I took a deep breath and braced for disappointment. Stepping out into the town I saw the most perfect place. It had a big sign, it looked warm, and all the people inside it were so happy and content. My view into the bar was eventually blocked by the steam from my own mouth, settling on the once clean windows. It was even called The Crossed Harpoons, it was perfect for a whaley saily type such as myself, but it was not perfect for my fiscal troubles.

Sadly, I crossed the street to rest my weary face against another window. Same situation. Cosy paradise, Snow melting away back into the streets because this place was so warm. Warm with the normal temperature sort of warmth, but also with the warmth of companionship and good will. The Swordfish, it was called.

It was also a bit too expensive for my pockets, and my boots, which were in a really bad state, so I thought i’d better get them out of everybody’s way because I’m considerate in my misery like that.

I turned away and started out deeper into the worse parts of town, since that was more my speed. I was mid way through a big sad sigh when I tripped up over a massive chunk of ice that was just really properly solid with the pavement, you know? Because it was really cold away from those nice warm inns.

It was really dark, and not that busy.

Moving on, I got to a place that wasn’t dark, and was a bit more busy. Busy with the sound of an ominous, poverty-stricken sort of creaking from a sign above a door. It had a picture of a whale splashing water out of it’s top-hole. It had some text too, the text said “The Spouter Inn:- Peter Coffin.”

What the fuck kind of signage was this? I had more questions than answers in my head at the time, and those questions were as follows. “Who is Peter Coffin?” “Is Peter Coffin a person?” “Is this place a coffin for people called Peter?” “Was a man named Peter killed here?” “Was Peter Coffin an owner or organisation which had since gone on to franchise this Inn, which was originally called the Spouter Inn?”

Somebody needed to ask the questions, and that somebody was me. I stood outside a bit more, collecting my thoughts and shivering my arse off.

My pocket issues weren’t bothering me anyhow, looking at the place, weird name aside, it was a fucking dump. Looked like it had been set on fire in some other town and then dragged into its current location. I bet they knew how to make pea coffee though, which is a normal version of coffee, and not something involving peas, as a less learned man than I might suspect.

The building, like I say, was knackered though, looked like shit, but even a place that looks like shit can have a window in it, a window sturdy enough to keep out this bastarding cold wind.

Windows, is there anything they can’t do? Depends who’s selling them. A good glazier? That’s a good window. Death? That’s a crap window, don’t waste your time, won’t even keep the cold out. Never trust a skeleton.

A lot of wisdom gets bottled up inside this massive brain of mine.

You might be wondering how it all came to be trapped inside there.

Truth is, I have a magical book which was written by some mysterious guy nobody knows and only I have a copy of it.

I didn’t write it.

It’s slander if you say I did.

And no, you can’t read it.

But because I have read it, that’s the reason I am so smart, knowledgeable and wise.

But back to windows.

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, then in that case the body is the house, and frankly, in my situation, it’s a shame nobody thought to address any of the hundreds of structural issues with my build, too late now, don’t worry about poor old Ishmael, the universe has called it quits on ever making anything better, let alone me or this shitty hotel. The building materials are all gone off to the next job now, but I’ll bet you they’ve charged the client as if they were new. Typical.

Anyway, some people like to look out of windows, say stupid crap like “That snow looks nice.” or “The Aurora Borealis is pretty interesting.” Me though? I just want to be warm. Like that dickhead Dives who was mean to that old Lazarus guy in the old biblical materials, You might not have heard about this, but I have, because I hear a lot of things, and read almost as many. This was a story about a poor fella dying on a rich fella’s doorstep, and the happy ending is that the rich guy went straight to hell.

Lazarus though, that poor old fool, plugging up all his holes with corn cobs to keep the cold out? Insanity. And Dives, the prick, hanging around in the warmth and letting others freeze to death? A real jerk move if you ask me, and if you ask God.

But if I was Lazarus, better to be warm in hell than cold in New Bedford, like I was.

I was getting really cold, standing outside and thinking about all this.

But think I did.

Lazarus, shivering around and dying of frost on this rich prick Dives’ doorstep, that’s fucked. People should just share and be nice, you know? Backrubs before back stabs. But then maybe I don’t know the whole picture, having never been a rich dickhead myself, maybe we’re all prisoners. Poor people prisoners of the systems imposed on them by the wealthy, and rich people, prisoners of their own shitty, fucking, bastard frozen twatscapes of a soul. They might live like kings, but all they’ll have to drink in the end is the tepid tears of the orphans their systems create.

But no more of this blubbering now (Ha! That’s a whale joke!), we are going a-whaling, and there is plenty of that yet to come. Tune in next time as we scrape the ice from our frosted feet, and see what sort of a place this “Spouter” may be. If I were to have this story described to me, I’d be dead keen to come back next time and hear all about it.

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sa4phire · 1 year

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i am not myself right now and it is the most agonizing thing. to watch myself. be this version of me when i so desperately want to be the real me. i am always sexual but it doesn’t hit this way for me at all when i am myself. i am ruining things for nothing, i am actively engaging in my eating disorder again, i am pulling away from everyone. i am not being a good wife in my opinion because cook clean and fuck and baby i have barely been cooking because i have no need for food. my man needs sustainable meals and shit and i haven’t been doing the shit. i have not been running my house like normal. i am checked out. i stay high, i write my poetry, i fucking do what i’m gonna do n that’s it. i be outside. i’ve been up for hours n this is after like another two day bender that was after another one and this has been going on for months but i had my job. now that i am koolin basically in the god damn queue for florida until i get certain strings tied (not ones i control), so im free. my man workin long days. im alone.

i am dangerously close to another psychotic break and i pulled away and have been… real with my friends and family but they have no fucking idea how bad i actually am right now. no one in my real life does. they can guess but not one single person actually feels the terror i feel right now. i will not go on medication. not after what happened to me not after my experience after my whole life. i will buck the fuck up and ride it out but i am telling you. my friends back home? we are about to have… demon time because we are all going through our second dark moment basically. so when i see maya… pray. like 🤌🏻🤌🏻😂 the drinks are gonna be rolling. for days. i’m telling you now. but it’s like. i am the kind of person where if i wear myself out i will be okay. that’s why i’m expressing my sexuality and my fucking jittery god damn buzzing energy in every way through writing through lives through sexting through blogging but also painting and caring for my plants and caring for my animals. i have receded to the point where nature is the only place i feel calm and sleeping in a bed is bringing bad things in my head right now so i’m not sleeping. but im also like. i say it’s bad because it’s like. im actively self harming again. i’m not eating, i’ve hit myself multiple times like i borderline cut n i said i was done like more than half a decade ago. be so fr. what the fuck. im to the point where it’s like i looked in the mirror after forcing myself to fucking do something i really. shouldn’t have and just said like “i don’t even recognize you.”

this is not me and if you’ve followed me for a long time you know about why i started this specific blog in the first place and what happened on the underground one that i lost. to censor. so like it just i don’t know it’s hard because i am meeting these souls here who are so important to me. so. important to me in a way i cannot explain. in such a deep way that it hurts to be in their presence sometimes even though they are some of my favorite people in this world. i don’t want to disappoint them or hurt them. i want to give them everything i can that is good i want to give to them.

i feel like no matter what i do right now it is not going to be right. so i go to my trees and i stay up so i don’t dream and i smoke to ease the ptsd and the anxiety and the other stuff. insomnia is nothing compared to ptsd. but thankfully i have met people here who like. understand me and are always helping me and checking on me and guiding me through it. no one knows the real real about some of the shit that i allow on here. like irl it is hard for me to look my husband in the eyes and tell him i can’t sleep a certain way in the bed because a nurse TRIGGER WARNIn bitch but yea a nurse groped me in my sleep in the psych ward and then after wards tried to say i was anxious. to medicate me bro. so like. i just. i am like. and also that’s another thing my sexual trauma ptsd whatever bullshit i don’t know it just is coming in so fucking hot rn. yet at the same time i’m insane. like insatiably horny and yet if i were to have sex right now it would feel like rape. like i can’t have sex right now dawg. i forced myself to today and literally had to stop. sucked his dick tho baby don’t worry lmaoooo my daddy definitely got um a good good nut but. like. i couldn’t stop clenching up because my mental blocks are up because i’m fucking insane right now and just. dude. i’m going to florida so like it will be okay because i can get straightened out down there without having to worry about the long term effects of this episode on my relationship to my husband. and responsibilities will also change which will really help me honestly.

the self hatred and seething burning rage i feel towards myself is immense and difficult to process and handle. i’m writing but it’s not enough. i’m pulling away from people in real life to protect them but god damn i need. love i need affection i need to be held. i crumbled in angie’s lap for a reason. she saw me. for a moment and i couldn’t even handle it. and like the way that she so gently pet me bro and looked at me. she has been through worse than me. she understands. me. but she moved over an hour away from me now. i just. i need support. but i don’t know how to even like live.

#delete fuckinf later #Spotify

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absolutebl · 2 years

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Apologies for yet another question but... how mainstream is BL exactly in their home countries? Like, tumblr overinflates it I imagine and YT and viki stuff is practically worldwide so view numbers on those aren't the best representation I would think, so like, are they broadcast on primetime networks in their home countries at primetime hours (I am aware of looking at this with a Western lens but this is the only frame of reference I have) or is it all on some niche network or paid service like HBO?

I can only speculate since I don't have stats on BL specifically, only sort of general stats on the various respective sizes of the different film industries.

First things first, here’s the 2 definitions of mainstream I’m working from:

the idea, attitude, or activity is regarded as normal or conventional;

it is the dominant trend in opinion, fashion, or the arts.

Okay, so, does that mean we look at mainstream by the number of BL watchers versus watchers of everything else in home country? But if we do that, then porn would be considered mainstream in most countries, and I’m not sure I would say that. So maybe mainstream also has to do with social acceptability in terms of being open about liking something. With who? Friends? Family? At Work. And how do we track that?

Argh! This is complicated.

So I’m kinda trying to tackle both halves of the definition of mainstream at once, social acceptability (without being on the ground in country, so I have to go by social media chatter), and dominant trend in opinion and the arts (easier to track).

Keeping these complications in mind...

How Mainstream is BL at Home?

Mainland China

Now? Not mainstream even slightly.

Censored and marginalized, maltreated and abused: Here’s a link to me ranting about it.

Korea

Not mainstream at all... yet.

I think we can confidently say that it is still definitely marginalized. (Check out Strongberry’s CEO talking about this on their YouTube channel.)

Also one of the ways BL is marginalized is by being so much shorter than regular romance kdramas. For example, True Beauty got 16 full eps for a total of 12 hrs fresh content, while Light On Me, Korea’s longest recent BL offering got 16 mini eps for a total of 4 hrs fresh content. We see what you did there, Korea. Subtle but still an act of marginalization. However I do think money will speak. If these short ones remain profitable, eventually we may get a true BL kdrama.

Japan

Somewhat mainstream.

Japan is more interested in the cinema and point of view first, narrative style second, and queer lens, agenda, etc… a distant last. The point of all film in Japan is art FIRST. All of it, even pulps and BLs, pinks and pornos. The lens must be specifically Japanese about its approach. That said, most of their stuff has a voyeuristic gaze, it’s one of their signature cinematic traits. It’s an interesting film industry over there.

Taiwan

Somewhat mainstream but in a different way than we might define the term.

Taiwan have a tiny population (for reference: about the same as Florida) and a tiny film industry, so they really don't produce much BL at all, simply because they don’t produce much period. Because they are so small, every time they do one, especially a longer running series, it occupies a larger percentage of their production over all that year. I would say it’s gotten up to a recognizably statistically significant percent. (But it dropped again this year - 2022.) But it is the opposite of Japan, BL is actually primarily associated with the queer community. That is actually a good thing and makes good rep somewhat a priority in Taiwan, but also indicates that not just is BL mainstream there, but queer is too (or getting that way).

Thailand

Mainstream and dominate.

I haven’t crunched the numbers (the money data would be difficult to get hold of) but I genuinely think that Thai BL is a soft power for Thailand, and if not Thailand DEFINITELY the Thai film industry, Thailand produces more BL than they do any other form of cinema at this juncture and one might even say more BL than any other form of media. It’s bonkers that this happened. Like what is this reality we live in?

Vietnam

New to the BL industry, so very difficult to tell, plus it is a TINY film industry.

The Philippines

Sort of mainstream.

BL behaves and is treated more the way queer cinema is in Hollywood. Which is to say, fighting the good fight, somewhat marginalized, but more advanced and advancing than we really could hope for, but still mostly indie/art house and underfunded.

(source)

#asked an answered #numbers games #cinema data #chinese bl #korean bl #thai bl #taiwanese bl #japanese bl #live action yaoi #vietnamese Bl #pinoy BL

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cosmicjoke · 2 years

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Saezuru chap 8 observations

I mean, what can one even say about this chapter that hasn’t already been said? Truly one of the most heart-rending and tragic chapters in the whole series, for more than one reason. But the biggest is doubtless the reveal of Yashiro’s memories while being rushed to the hospital in the ambulance, of the first time his step-father raped him. I didn’t find out until after I’d read this chapter that it had been censored in the English edition. Strangely, I don’t think it was censored at all in the film. So when you see that, and also see these pages in the Japanese edition, it just drives home the horror of it all the more. Yashiro’s face in these panels is the definition of heartbreaking. The pure terror in his eyes, the pain and helplessness is on full display, as is the awful power imbalance in seeing just how small he was in relation to this full grown man raping him. It’s truly horrific, made all the more so by what his step-father is saying to him. All that brutally sickening stuff about how Yashiro is really a “girl” and how the more it hurts, the more likely it is he’ll get pregnant, how he’ll get in trouble if his mom finds out, etc... I’ve never seen the kind of mental and emotional manipulation, and grooming, that pedophiles often engage in with their victims more accurately displayed in so few words, and it really forces the reader to contend, unflinchingly, with the tragedy of child sexual abuse, and the devastating consequences of it. It isn’t just the physical violation that Yashiro endured here, and for many years after, but the verbal, emotional and mental abuse he suffered as well. We see how his step-father’s verbal abuse continues to have an impact on Yashiro to this very day, just as much as the physical and sexual abuse. Now every time Yashiro is treated gently during sex, every time he’s treated like “a girl”, as his step-father told him he was, he becomes physically ill, feels like he’s going to throw up, etc... He cringes away and his face shows open distress and even fear, no doubt because he’s reminded of what was done to him as a child. It’s why we see Yashiro have a vision of this moment, again, during his sex scene with Doumeki from chapter 25.

At the same time, it’s obvious that Yashiro’s step-father wasn’t gentle with him at all during these encounters. In the panels we see in this chapter, Yashiro is bleeding heavily from the assault, his hands are tied together and he has a rag stuffed in his mouth. And we see in a later panel that his step-father has struck him across the face, and can assume easily enough from that, that physical abuse was a regular part of these instances of rape. All of this must have combined to create a deep sense of confusion in Yashiro about what his own, sexual desires even were, what his sexuality was, his orientation, his identity, etc... This no doubt all plays a huge factor in Yashiro’s confusion about his supposed masochism and sadism, believing these are things he desires and enjoys, but which, in actuality, are only defense mechanisms, meant to shield him from accepting the reality of his own victimhood. Think about what an awful conflict this puts him in mentally. He’s convinced himself he can’t enjoy gentle, “normal” sex, as a way of proving to himself that what happened to him was his own doing all along, as a way of grasping some semblance of control, but then when he realizes he does enjoy it, with Doumeki, that must seem like only more proof of his own perversion, corruption and twistedness. It feeds horribly into his feelings of self-loathing. Because it’s as if he’s being shown he really is what his step-father told him he was, a “girl”, born by mistake in a boy’s body. Like that song that Yoneda said reminds her of Yashiro “Beauty is Within Us”, that line “I’m a mutant man, a woman underneath”.

It’s a contradiction. Yashiro’s step-father told him he was a girl, but treated him with a kind of violence and brutality meant for a man. Having normal, gentle sex probably makes Yashiro feel like even more of a freak than he already does, exactly because he does enjoy it, like a woman would, like his step-father told him he was. He wants to convince himself he only enjoys rough, violent sex because at least then, his step-father won’t have been right about that, at least then, he can believe that the violent violation he suffered as a child was his own choice, was something he wanted to happen. One less way of his step-father having control over him and the direction his life has gone in. But like we also saw during the scene when Inami rapes Yashiro, that kind of brutal, vicious violence ( a violence Yashiro wasn’t ready for and didn’t initiate), he becomes just as distressed and frightened. He isn’t enjoying it at all, he’s only scared and in pain. That scene shows us what Yashiro’s actual relationship with rough sex is, what it actually does to him, when he isn’t playing the role of a masochist.

It’s interesting to consider what this means for Yashiro, then. He isn’t really a masochist, he doesn’t genuinely enjoy being hurt during sex, but has simply convinced himself he does as a means of keeping the trauma of his abuse at bay, as a means of being able to function and live with himself. A deeply unhealthy and dangerous coping mechanism. But at the same time, having gentle sex triggers Yashiro and that trauma in him to the point of having, as we’ve seen, devastating consequences, by exposing the fragility of his identity and affirming for him his own sense of worthlessness and wrongness. He decides to kill himself after having sex with Doumeki. We see in this chapter, too, an already frightening disregard for his own life, with how he reacts to the gunman that shot him, with no fear at all. He already doesn’t care, it seems, if he lives or dies. But because of what happened with Doumeki, it tipped him over the edge into wanting to die.

Just to add too one more thing too. Yashiro’s step-father asks him if he “likes the way my dick feels”, and in the next panel, we see Yashiro’s clearly distressed expression. He’s crying, his face is screwed up in pain. His step-father says to him “Don’t lie”, essentially accusing Yashiro’s pained, frightened reaction of being false, and then later, after all that stuff about Yashiro being a girl and getting pregnant, he tells him if he does, his mom is going to find out, and then he says “You’re a bad boy for doing this with me.”. Yashiro’s face is startled and afraid when his step-father tells him he’s more likely to get pregnant if it hurts. All of this serves to also make Yashiro feel responsible for what’s happening. His step-father is blaming him here, and implying that Yashiro will get in trouble if his mom finds out what he’s done, implying that she’ll realize Yashiro is a pervert and a freak. He’s placing the building blocks here for Yashiro’s later view of himself as a pervert, as something ugly and detestable and unwanted. So while Yashiro latches onto the idea of him having always wanted and enjoyed rough sex, we also see how his step-father is responsible for that line of thinking in him too, manipulating Yashiro into thinking he likes what’s happening, likes how much it hurts, and then scaring him into not telling anyone by implying if he does, he’ll be blamed and seen as disgusting, because he supposedly likes it. It’s a tragic irony, as Yashiro clings to the notion of him having always wanted it precisely as a means of gaining back some sense of control for himself, but it was his step-father’s verbal and emotional abuse which, this whole time, had set him down that path. Yashiro thinks to himself that he isn’t sad about anything, that he doesn’t blame his life on anyone, but it’s his step-father that’s to blame for all of it.

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #Yashiro

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jadedxrealityw · 3 years

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-Love Is Love- Loki/Lady Loki Laufeyson x female reader

☼-♥-☼

Kody: was going to write some angst, but you guys deserve something sweet.

Movie/Show: N/A

Summary: ‘normal day’ and ‘god of mischief’ don’t go together, ever. Especially when said god is a clingy, quick to whine baby.

Possible Triggers/Warnings: domestic Loki, the fluff, Loki being a giant man baby, a sneak peak at his unused powers he he he he, homophobes in the wild

☼-♥-☼

your eyes open slowly as your brain process’s the fact you are now awake and no longer in the fluffy state of mind that is dreamland. A warm and heavy feeling brings you to look down at your chest where the pale arm of your lover laid.

Loki

a smile graces your lips as memories of the night before gently takes over your thought process. Looking to your right, you see your phone charging on the nightstand. Reaching up you grab it and press your thumb to the fingerprint censor, making the phone unlock instantly.

no phone calls and a couple messages from Wanda, confirming you and Loki would be at her house warming party with Loki. You type out a quick response saying you would drag Loki there if need be and closed the messages app. Looking up a bit, you spot the time. 9:45 am.

you should probably make breakfast

placing the phone back down on the nightstand you grab Loki’s arm and attempt to remove it from your waist. You only lift it inches from your bare skin until Loki pulls you into his chest, his arm now around your back. God dammit. Now being face to face you could see his playful grin.

“How long have you been awake?“ you ask, seeing how he didn’t look tired in the slightest “A few hours“ he replies in a low whisper as to not disturb the peaceful silence as much. “So you’ve just been staring at me then?“ you say, a playful grin of your own forming on your face.

“Why wouldn’t i?“ Loki uses his free arm to run his hand along the side of your face, admiring your tired form. You place your hand on top of his and bring it to your mouth, giving his palm a light kiss before going to sit up. Loki forces you back down causing you to sigh.

“Loki, i have plans today” You remind him, just like you did the night before when he tried to keep you up all night. “and so do i“ he replied confidently. Your face turns into a deadpan expression as you stare blankly at him “Really? and that is?“

“To keep you here, in bed with me of course” Loki smiles like he is a child who had just won a prize. That prize being well..you. You shake your head, forcing down laughter as to not indulge in his playful behavior at the moment so you could start your day.

“You know i would love to stay in bed with you, but i have to go shopping. I won’t be long“ You lean forward and press a quick kiss to his forehead, earning a frown in return. Loki lets you get up this time and you step onto the cold wooden floor.

just as you stretch your arms, you hear the sound of rustling sheets, which cause you to turn your head to where Loki was, standing up in only a pair of dark boxers. “What’re you doing?” you ask, going over to the the closet where you kept the clean towels.

Loki follows slowly behind you “I coming with you” he says, reaching in front of you to grab one of the towels. You roll your eyes, grabbing a towel of your own “I’m taking a shower first” you send him a small grin as you walk past him and towards the bathroom door that was connected to your bedroom.

“Or” Loki cut in, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind you, pulling you into his chest. His head leans down, his chin hovering just above your shoulder “We can take one together“ he suggests. You had no objection to that idea in the slightest.

☼-♥-☼

after the shower you and Loki got dressed, with a lot of breaks in between from because of the flirty comments he would make. Once you both turn around to look at each other, you both laugh quietly. Loki wore his famous all black suit while you wore a short black turtleneck with matching pants with a grey cardigan.

“A suit? It’s just a walk to the grocery store and the mall?“ you chuckle, smoothing out your cardigan. You just needed your bag and shoes now. Loki rolls his eyes, fixing the collar of his dress shirt “I have to look presentable wherever i go. I have a reputation to uphold“

scoffing, you grab the door handle and turn it, pushing the door open “Right, i hope you attract all that attention you need then” you say teasingly, walking out into the living room. Where did you put your shoes? You could hear Loki’s rapid footsteps behind you.

“That’s not what i mean, love“ he apologizes, his hand reaching for yours. He was always so quick to think he had done something wrong, then again you were teasing him. “I’m kidding“ you assure him, making him exhale deeply “You’ll be the death of me“ he lets out.

you laugh to yourself once more before finally spotting your shoes by the sofa “Lets go while they’re still serving breakfast at that one cafe down the street” you say, rushing over to your shoes so you could put them on. “So punctual” Loki mumbles to himself.

☼-♥-☼

you both walked down the street, a cup of coffee in your hand and nothing in Loki’s. “I still don’t understand how you drink that stuff” Loki looks in disgust at your cup. Rolling your eyes, you take another sip of your warm beverage “No one asked you too get a cup of your own”

“I thought it taste somewhat decent“ Loki retorts, making you shake your head “I’m sorry to disappoint you then“ you apologize, nudging his shoulder with yours playfully. Loki lightly shakes his head, nudging you back “It isn’t possible for you to disappoint me“

his words make you smile as he wraps his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him. He leans down to plant a chaste kiss to your temple sweetly. “Were nearing the mall you big softie” you taunt, dropping your paper cup in a recycling bin you pass by.

“Ah yes, a midgardian shopping center. Sounds rather...boring“ Loki sighs deeply. He didn’t find anything about humans not boring, so that wasn’t a big surprise. “I said you didn’t have to come with me. I can shop by myself just fine“

“Oh i know you can, i just don’t trust Midgard. Mostly it’s male species“ Loki shudders as if he had said a terrible word. You stifle laughter as you both walk through the entrance of the mall, the smell from the food court wafting into the open area.

“Ah the male species. Now i have to find an outfit for Wanda’s party. So women's boutique it is“ You grab Loki’s hand and begin to drag him through the mall.

☼-♥-☼

once you walk into the boutique you walk into the short dress’s section to find a nice casual dress that wasn’t to flashy, but made you look nice. “Something short i see?” Loki spoke from behind you, causing you to roll your eyes as you move through the rack.

As you look through the mostly red shades of dress’s you spot Loki go over to the black ones and look through them “Plan on getting one?” you ask, turning your head to face him. You can see Loki’s lips turn upwards into a smile “If they fit my standards”

well, he is a god after all.

“Alright tell me if you find something nice then“ you say before moving to the more flowy dress section, still short. You just didn’t feel like wearing a tight dress. You stopped on a nice looking dress that looked like exactly what you were looking for and it was the last in your size.

seemed like fate did it not?

you grab the hanger off the rack and drape it over your arm. Turning around, you begin to talk “I’m going to go try this on- Loki?” he wasn’t where you had left him. Shrugging, you made your way to the changing rooms. It was a big store and he was around somewhere...hopefully.

there were four stalls in the changing room and three were open. The one that was already occupied was filled with the sounds of a woman grumbling about how a zipper wouldn’t go up. She must of had a bad day or something. You take your dress and yourself into an empty stall and shut and lock the door.

you began strip yourself of the clothing you had on and place it neatly on the bench so it wouldn’t get dirty. Once your finished you take the dress and slip it over your head, pulling it down until it sat comfortably on your bust. You unlock the door and step out to look at yourself in the long mirror on the wall.

looking at your reflection, you smile. You looked perfect in every way. It fit nicely and hugged your torso just right. “You look ravishing, my love” a woman’s voice spoke, causing you to turn around. A tall woman with slightly below shoulder length hair stood wearing a dark green velvet dress.

looking at her up and down, you smile “I assume you found a dress then, Loki” you say, walking over to her. Loki smiles and flattens out her dress with the back of her hands “It’s simplistic, but yes i have. What do you think?” she asks, reaching forward to move a strand of hair from your face.

“I think you look beautiful, but we should probably take these off so i can pay for them” you suggest. Loki grins as she gives you a quick kiss “Hm alright. I guess i did find something to wear to Wanda’s little get together“ she gloats, eyeing herself in the mirror up in down.

you were dating a narcissist. A sexy narcissist

“Alright hot stuff go change“ you tease as you gently push Loki back into the changing room she was in. Shaking your head, you go back into your changing stall as well.

☼-♥-☼

you step out and see Loki standing in his suit and no longer a woman. You didn’t really question why and smiled, walking up to him “Ready to leave? i’m already tired of walking today” as if on cue, you let out a yawn. Plus you were going out to eat tonight and wanted to rest up before then.

Loki grabs the the short black dress with sheer sleeves from your hand. “Uh-” you say, but were caught off “I’ll pay, you go take a seat outside the store” Loki says, not really asking more like telling you. Your feet were hurting though, so you wouldn’t complain.

“Alright“ you exhale, patting hi shoulder before walking towards the exit of the store. When you walk outside there is a bench in the middle next to a couple of those giant screen poster things. Whatever they’re called. You go over and take a seat, feeling instant relief from your feet.

you only waited there about a minute before Loki came out holding a paper shopping bag in one of his hands. He spots you instantly and walks over “You look dreadful” he comments, jokingly and you narrow your eyes “Your so sweet” you say and push yourself off the bench.

Loki goes in to kiss your cheek when you use your hand to push his face away. He pulls back with a confused expression “I look dreadful, don’t i?” you say, repeating his words from a few seconds ago. Loki’s expression drops “You know i don’t mean it, darling”

“I know, but no kisses till i feel like it“ you smile a sickeningly sweet smile at him. Loki rolls his eyes, but smiles nonetheless. He couldn’t be made at you even if he tried and he wouldn’t try, ever.

☼-♥-☼

while walking down the sidewalk you heard a couple shouts and cheers as you turn the corner. There seemed to be some sort of protest going on in front of some rainbow cafe. If you remember correctly, a lesbian couple ran it. You had met them a few times before actually.

“Is a war starting or do Midgardians do this for fun?” Loki questioned, looking at the group of people huddled outside the small cafe. “I uh- i honestly don’t know how to answer that. It’s just a bunch of homophobes who can’t keep there opinions to themselves” you scoff, crossing your arms.

Loki’s face twinged in disgust at your words. You had taught him about the gross people that are homophobes, transphobes, xenophobes, etc. He absolutely despised those kind of people considering he was both genderfluid and bisexual himself and you were (insert sexuality here).

“Should i kill them?“ he asked genuinely, making you snort. It was a nice thought, but not rational. “No, but now i feel like i should take you home because your hand is about to break mine” you reply, holding up your intertwined hands.

Loki quickly lets go, mumbling an apology. He sighs, nodding begrudgingly. You were slightly taken aback by his willingness and look forward when you hear a familiar swoosh sound. God dammit. You face Loki once more as she flips back her black hair. Twice in one day? alrighty then.

Loki removes the coat of her suit and places it in the shopping bag before rolling her sleeves up to her elbow “Ready to go home darling?” she asked and you simply nod, wondering what her motives are. She wraps an arm around your shoulder as you begin to walk down the sidewalk.

getting closer, you could hear slurs being thrown left and right. Jeez these people need a hobby you thought. Loki led you right through the crowd and toward the entrance of the cafe. What the fuck is she doing? Just as Loki grabs the handle of the door, one of the previously mentioned protesters speak up.

“You both are going to hell!“ a rather built man yells. Loki’s brow raises as a grin paints her face perfectly. She opens the cafe door and gently pushes you inside, keeping the door open with her foot. Loki turns around as you watch from the glass windows.

“I’m assuming that’s what you call Niflheim, a place of total damnation or along those lines. Considering my sister is the goddess of death i think i’ll do just fine thank you. Now stay away or i’ll give you a one way trip.” Loki spoke with such elegance you almost couldn’t tell she was threatening the man.

it soon clicked to the man and other ignorant folk that they just told the goddess of mischief to go to hell. Big yikes. “Your a freak!“ the man spat out in a last attempt to get under Loki’s skin, but she just smiles maniacally “Such naughty words darling. I’m bored now, off you go”

Loki waves her hand as if she’d dismissing a class of students. While waving, her dagger flicks into her hand, effectively scaring off all little amount of sucky people. She forms a prideful smile before walking into the shop. You look at her and cant help but laugh.

“What? I didn’t kill them did i?“ Loki smiles, flicking her hand, her dagger disappearing. “Saying you'll send them to your sister is the same thing love“ you point out. Loki shrugs and looks around the shop “They serve more then coffee here right?“

☼-♥-☼

after that you and Loki decided to stay in for the rest of the day and go out tomorrow. For dinner you both ate loads of junk food you got from a convenience store on the way back. You were showing Loki sour patch kids, mostly to watch her face scrunch up.

“That’s awful“ she comments, chewing slowly on the candy while you laughed your ass off on the bed. Loki narrows her green eyes and nudges your shoulder “Don’t make fun of me. This is all different flavors for me“ she exclaims, only making you laugh harder.

“I- i’m sorry!“ you say in between laughs, trying not to fall back onto the hard wood floor. Loki shook her head and grabbed your waist. She pulls you close so your sitting on her lap “i actually liked shopping with you today“ she admits, causing you to tilt your head a bit.

“Really, even with the homophobic stuff?” you questioned. Loki reaches up and moves a piece of your hair with her thumb, smiling sweetly “Just reminded me that you love me in whatever form i take“ she says. A way with words she was. “I do indeed love you“ you reply.

Loki leans into to plant her lips on yours, the taste of the sweet and sour candy on her lips making the kiss much more interesting. Loki smiles as her hands gently cup your face. After a few seconds she pulls away and gazes into your eyes. “What?” you say, chuckling.

“I love you too darling. I forgot to say it a earlier“ she admits, wrapping her arms around your waist. She falls back, laying your head on her chest as you both tangle yourselves within the sheets of your bed. With all the walking, yu both fall asleep almost instantly, holding each other close.

love is love

☼-♥-☼

Kody: I made this fic mostly to bring awareness to the fact that some of the Marvel/MCU don’t acknowledge the fact that Loki id genderfluid and bisexual or just completely ignore it entirely. If you really love Loki as you claim, you’ll except them in any way. Anyways, peace.

Edit: I know he’s Pansexual in Norse mythology, i’m just going by what’s confirmed in the MCU

☼-♥-☼

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sepublic · 3 years

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TOH deserves better

Y’know what?

Now that I’ve… Had time to really focus and think and process about the news for The Owl House and its shortened Season 3, now that I’ve really dealt with other things in my life, I’m…

I’m angry. I’m genuinely MAD…

The Owl House has always been a comfort show for me! It’s a show I’ve loved, its characters and worldbuilding and mystery is fascinating to me and it’s inspired me! When Season 1 ended... I was excited. I was prepared. I braced myself for the story that Dana Terrace and the writers intended to tell us. I knew we had at LEAST two more full seasons to go, based on Dana’s comment about a third season.

Season 2 would’ve been a safe season in a sense. A season where we’re in the middle of the action, where we can get onto things that have been planned and set up; But at the same time, it’s not the final season! It’s not the end. There would’ve been an entire, full season, twenty or something episodes after that. I could’ve sat back and enjoyed Season 2 in all its entirety, as another phase of the story set in the middle, and when it was all said and done, I could speculate and hope and wish and think about this final third season; Assuming we wouldn’t even get a fourth!

But no… NO, Season 3 is literally just. THREE episodes, each twice the normal length, so like six episodes; But still, it’s obvious with how it’s formatted into a trio that Season 3 will be less a season, and more the final battle and climax of the show, the culmination of everything else! Which means for all intents and purposes… Season 2 IS the final season of the show. That everything we want to see, we hope to see; It can only happen in Season 2, because Season 3 is the final battle in a sense.

Warning: A LOT of text and upset ramblings below!!!

And that deeply angers me. I’ve done the calculations and there are fourteen episodes we’re missing out on, due to Season 3 being cut down. Fourteen episodes to do any wide variety of things; To focus on side characters, to flesh out lore and plot. To extend and focus on character arcs, to introduce and establish things; Fourteen episodes to introduce, develop, and finish various arcs and smaller plots! There’s SO much to do in fourteen episodes, especially in regards to relationships, and even representation as we talk about Luz and Amity and everyone else!

And out of NOWHERE, out of the blue- We don’t get that! Dana Terrace herself admitted on Twitter that she left in December to focus on the news. I’m not entirely sure on how production works, but I imagine she and the crew were working on Season 2A when they got this news… Which means they’re going to have to COMPLETELY rehaul and rehash their plans for Season 2B as a result. They’re going to have to hastily pull together and rush the arcs they had planned out, so it can lead up to Season 3.

They expected fourteen episodes of development; And now they have to resolve that within the remaining ten or so episodes of Season 2, which is already jam-packed with the original plans. At this point, any criticisms for the show’s writing or pacing that might come later down the line… I can’t take it seriously in good faith. Not when I know how Disney just screwed over Dana and the crew so suddenly, so abruptly, so HUGELY. Season 2 was supposed to be the mid-point, and you KNOW there are a bunch of arcs and little plot points that will never see the light of day, or be rushed, to accommodate the change!

And it really angers me. Season 3 would’ve been made after a lot of fandom response- So all you fans of the Detention Kids, who would’ve liked to see more of them? Season 3 would’ve been the time for Dana and the crew to throw the fandom a bone… EXCEPT, because it’s only three/six episodes, there’s no way the Detention Kids will get focus now. Not when there’s the actual climax of the show left. There’s no room to have fun, to focus on side characters or expand even more on pre-established ones. Fourteen episodes’ worth of kind, small little moments that stand out- Gone, down the drain, never to see the light of day to begin with!

I just… Feel so BAD for Dana and the crew; Dana fought so hard for this story! Her roommate said that nobody wanted to see a story about an old witch and her young apprentice, and you know what, Dana FOUGHT for that story and got it for us! She had to deal with censors for Lumity, but she fought for that! Dana and the crew were EXCITED to tell us, they no doubt had so much planned and in store, you can tell from the tone of the Reddit AMA and the Charity Livestream, all of which were done months before Disney told Dana and the crew about Season 3 being downsized.

And like… Dana herself said that she’s still down to do future Owl House content. If Disney asks her to –with pushback from fans- then yeah, she could do more! We might get an epilogue or sequel series… But that doesn’t change how the pacing of the show will be disrupted. How a lot of arcs will have to be prematurely rushed through and finished, instead of having the loving time taken to develop and appreciate them.

Characters will be rushed through, we had FOURTEEN episodes taken from us! Characters like Belos or Kikimora, or Odalia and Alador, the antagonists- They’re not guaranteed to survive or make it past the end of Season 3, so even if we got more content post-S3, it wouldn’t really be able to remedy for their drastically-shortened screen time, unless through flashbacks or resurrection or whatever. Characters, arcs, development, all are being shafted here.

And this ANGERS me! Like I said, The Owl House is my comfort show. I finished Season 1 with the full understanding that we weren’t even halfway through yet; We still had SO much more to do, so much more to see, amidst all of the wonders that Season 1 had provided! But now I feel cheated. I feel cheated, because sike! Actually you WERE halfway through, and that changes everything about the tone, the pacing, the setting of the show. Suddenly I’m already looking forward to and anticipating the end, because the end is DIRECTLY after Season 2; And I can’t enjoy it as much, because now I have that anxiety and dread as Season 2 ends that… THIS is the final, full, regular season.

It was just supposed to be another season for me to enjoy, to further flesh out the show- And out of nowhere, I have to approach this with a sudden sense of finality, I’m forced to really appreciate it even further, because this is it! This is all we have left, when until then, I thought we had so much more! And it’s angering. It’s abrupt. Season 2 was in many ways supposed to be carefree and hands-off…

But now, I have to approach it in an existential sense. With the full understanding that the show is essentially ENDING by this point, with each new episode, we’re on a timer now. We’ve lost the luxury of Season 1, that Season 2 would’ve had, if it was the midpoint in the series. And now I can’t enjoy things as much because just as quickly as I got these new arcs and characters and developments, I have to watch them be quickly wrapped up.

I barely even got them, I was looking forward to more of it, there should’ve been more, and then bam! It’s already done, just kidding! Like it was handed to me, and then abruptly torn out of my hands barely a few seconds later, after I’d anticipated an entire day alone with it.

I hate this. I’m angry, I’m sad, I’m disappointed. I had so much wonder and joy that this was only the beginning, but now it’s actually the ending! I had so much to look forward to, so much promised- And this show was doing well! It was SUCCESSFUL, Lumity brought a HUGE influx of popularity, and you know what? The show deserves that!

Not just for being good in general, but also- This is SUCH a huge step forward in representation, especially given how this is DISNEY of all channels… With Luz being a bisexual, ADHD, character of color! Amity fully being a lesbian ON-SCREEN, no censors, nothing held back, her crush treated and fully indulged the way a straight person’s would’ve been!

The Owl House deserves so much for just that alone. So much attention, and it got attention, it was arguably at a peak because now so much fans are tuning in… And Disney, those paradoxical cowards, they decide to end it early!? I’m angry. I’m frustrated, I’m sad, I was told to expect more, to just enjoy myself in the moment, but now I have to readjust my sense and perception of everything in anticipation of a sudden end.

And I’m sure that’s what Dana and the crew have to do as well, they were so excited, no doubt planting things in Season 2A to be resolved later in Season 3… But nope, now they have to rush it through and finish it in Season 2B, along with everything else they had planned! And they might have to cut out stuff from Season 2B, to make room for the ending of those pre-established arcs!

It’s frustrating and clumsy and sudden, and it just… ANGERS ME! It makes me genuinely mad and frustrated, like I want to punch a wall… And I hate it! And a part of me hopes and wishes that if the fans really DO give enough of a backlash and demand, maybe Disney will change its mind.

If we say enough, ASAP, then maybe Disney will delay Season 2B so that Season 3 can be extended back to its proper length, allowing Dana and the crew to redo Season 2B as they originally intended. I’d be fine with waiting additional time, as much as the crew needs, to redo Season 2B with the understanding that they have that full third season back!

I’d GLADLY, happily, let the crew take their time to redo Season 2B to its original glory and plans, to better set up a full Season 3! I’d let them take their time, I wouldn’t complain at all, I’d still watch! So Disney, go ahead, change your plans abruptly AGAIN, it’s not like you have no qualms screwing over this show or other content creators with this kind of back-and-forth, look at Matt Braly having to contend with True Colors being delayed and almost censored, only for the whole thing to be useless because the original episode was leaked anyway! He had to rush out the Season 3 intro, I’m betting this RIGHT now!

But even if it was delayed, even if it was released early… It doesn’t change the actual show itself. It doesn’t change the actual story, just how it was presented- But the story itself, it remains intact. The Owl House doesn’t even get that. Brevity can be the soul of wit, but if you’re suddenly told out of nowhere to chop it down, it’s not gonna be the soul of anything.

It’s just… SO UNFAIR, and it makes me genuinely pissed off. Like, I could handle True Colors being delayed by the end of the day, because the show is otherwise the exact same- But TOH being so drastically reduced, abruptly shortened, I think that’s honestly objectively worse… So I braced myself for and adapted to one bad thing, and then got another thing even MORE terrible! Much more terrible, in fact- Amazing.

I’m just… Tired and frustrated. Like it feels like I had this happy thing in my life and it was taken away from me, I can’t even have that, I can’t have the hope and anticipation for more, that’s it! It’s already done and gone! I knew I’d have to prepare for that eventually, but in a manner that felt fleshed-out and well-rounded, like I’d really had my time to enjoy and appreciate… But just kidding! It’s like a punch in the face, and it makes me honestly depressed and sad, and I kind of don’t know what to do besides… Ask for more, and hope?

A part of me feels like the investment, the enjoyment, was lowkey all for nothing, meaningless and worthless, now that so much was cut down- And obviously it IS worth it, it always is! But in the moment of despair, I’m asking… Is that it? It was all for nothing, then… All that effort. All of that speculation and enjoyment and anticipation.

All you had look forward to, all of that emotion you put in- So much of it is going to be left unresolved because how the show was so enormously cut down. And now it makes me hesitant to invest in other shows, I’m afraid, in case they get cut down like this, in case my attention is punished and deprived for engaging with the material like that to begin with.

As a viewer and someone who loves and enjoys media, I feel like there’s a trust that’s being breached, I can’t really rely or depend on things I enjoy to last or stay there, so why bother getting invested? Why put in the effort for fandom and content if it’s going to be gone like THAT, if all plans are thrown out the window, and all attention and feedback is meaningless!

What’s the point of showing that you love this, of expressing yourself, if you’re going to get even LESS than what you’d cautiously hoped for? Why hope at all? There’s this bitterness left inside of me, that you shouldn’t have bothered enjoying or getting invested, or pouring yourself into this, because in the end you weren’t going to get anything close to that.

Which, fan content is ALWAYS valid! But it’s usually done to expand on stuff that’s already there… But if there was nothing there because it got pulled last second, then why bother? Why enjoy if it’s so brief? Why invest if the conclusion is so sudden and out of nowhere? Why care at all? And I know that shouldn’t change how I feel…

But with Infinity Train and Amphibia, I guess I really can’t count on anything, not even the mutual solidarity of numbers, to change a thing. So why hope for and ask for more and better? Why even enjoy what I have, knowing it’ll be cut off by itself in the future because the planned arcs were forcibly dropped? I can’t enjoy an episode as part of a larger story now, just a shorter one, and now there’s this pressure.

Pressure, that’s it- A pressure on the show. A pressure on the writers and audience. To suddenly cram in and make the most of this time. Pressure on every Season 2 episode to go above and beyond to make up for the almost complete and utter lack of Season 3; Season 2 will practically have to carry the weight of TWO seasons on its back, two condensed into one! And it just… There’s so much pressure. No time to breathe or enjoy myself or relax, because now it’s all suddenly ending and fleeting in front of my eyes when I hadn’t done that, and now I go back and yell “Come back!”

I wish I’d enjoyed it more knowing it was already ending, but it’s too late. I wish I could’ve done something, but what could I have done? And I really did try to appreciate and cherish this to my ability, but I did so expecting more, as I should’ve- And now it feels I didn’t do enough. I feel cheated. Like the rug was pulled under me, that my effort was rendered naught and never enough no matter how hard I tried, the game is rigged.

I’m frantic. I’m paranoid. I’m already having to say goodbye and brace myself for the end, when I expected at least another full year to unapologetically not have to worry about that, to just be in my zone and be myself and ENJOY… To not have to worry existentially like that. I can’t have that peace, I can’t have that longing, lasting fun.

I knew it’d come to an end, but now I can’t have the time to properly enjoy and relax and appreciate it, to truly live it out meaningfully and deliberately… I’m going to have to laser-focus now and put aside other things, because this thing is NOW and won’t last, unlike the rest; And in a way, that kind of rush and pressure, it just ends up paradoxically making the whole thing LESS fun, even!

So in my attempts to appreciate and enjoy it more, I enjoy it less. It’s like a punch in the face in direct retaliation for getting invested and attached, for actually being connected to the story. I’m being punished for enjoying, for letting myself feel, so why ever bother with that, ever again? Why should I get attached? I’m just punished for that, so I won’t bother. I won’t put myself out there so even if it DOES see itself through, I won’t have been there for it from justified paranoia, and then I’ll miss out when it IS there. Like I can’t win, no matter what- So why participate?

It doesn’t matter, it’s all useless. “It makes me happy”, well, maybe that’s no longer even a reason to do and make and enjoy things anymore, huh! And now I’m just… Bitterly putting it aside. Feeling like I should’ve known better, that at least I’m being more ‘mature’. I feel like Luz in the first episode, throwing her book away, her prized hyperfixation that invigorated and brought so much meaning to her… I feel like Luz, just almost apathetically, in resignation, throwing it into the trash while someone smiles and tells me it’s okay and good and I SHOULD have done that, actually!

It’s making me tired and exhausted. I didn’t want to have to suddenly feel and deliberate over all of this, all at once, right now- But I feel I’d regret it even more if I DIDN’T do that, and then it ended, and the time and moment, the opportunity, it passed! It’s a frantic dread and paranoia that means I can’t appreciate and enjoy properly, because every little thing I so desperately claw at and prize and treasure, but also I keep telling myself not to get my hopes up, and…

It lowkey makes me want to curl up and cry? And sob, because now that insecurity, that voice in the back of my head, it was RIGHT, I really should’ve listened to it to begin with, and not ever bothered! Don’t risk the trust in connecting with someone else’s story that’s still in process, only ever engage with stuff fully finished.

I can never enjoy that anticipation and hope now, of being along the ride for the journey, of just getting to look out the window and wonder; Not knowing the ending, but looking forward to it! And I can’t do that anymore, not when I’m afraid of the trip suddenly grinding to a screeching halt out of nowhere!

But yeah, I’m just… I…

…I’m sad. I’m angry, and now I’m sad. Depressed, outright, directly because of this, when otherwise I wouldn’t have been- And that’s painful and frustrating and makes me feel like I’m being tossed around a whirlwind, with no hope. No say or agency, just a constant bad hand I have to brace myself for. So all I can do is curl up and lie down and hope for the worst to be over, and never dare to be so ungrateful or greedy to ask or hope for more, for good things, just for the bad things to lessen or stop.

In the end, it didn’t even matter, so I should just throw it all away, never try again; And everything I did beforehand, up until then, I’ll look back at it all, those fond and innocent memories, and I’ll look back with an eternal bitterness that will forever corrupt and scar those recollections. So even the past, which allegedly can never change, is ruined for me! The past never gets better, it only gets worse, so WHY… Why believe and hope, and love and live???

I’m just a stupid fool for being so invested in this cartoon, in fiction, why don’t I just GROW UP and focus on REAL things that matter, huh?!? I really do feel like Luz genuinely thinking and resigning herself to the Reality Check camp, having that childlike passion and joy just whittled down and strangled, feeling it die out; Knowing it will, so just getting it over with and killing it now, before I have to mourn later.

I shouldn’t ever put forth the trust in engaging with others’ stories, just my own because I at least have control there, I should just be alone and by myself with only my stories, and never get to connect with or experience companionship with others’ stories, ever again. Just build up my walls and hide and be alone and isolated as I’ve always been- It seems even with fiction or media, I’m STILL by myself! There’s an intimacy in reading and emotionally engaging with others’ stories, where other writers put a piece of themselves into that… Hoping others will read and respond and reciprocate, and feel the same!

Well, maybe I shouldn’t put myself out there, either, in fears of being punished and cut off and whittled down like that! Why express myself, why be, why live? Why be invested into the soul of others, manifested in their own content, if it’ll never come to fruition, if my own soul will only hurt for connecting?! This is worse than a fave or a comfort character dying, because at least the integrity of the story itself remains and is worth it.

There’s always the chance of a return or a revival or a flashback to appreciate, but THIS… This is real life. And it’s THE ending in the most abrupt and literal and tangible sense, of the media itself; An ending more powerful and harsh than any resolution to an arc. Because now NOTHING will ever be expected to come out from this, ever again- No new content, nothing else to enjoy. Media is like a fantasy, an escapism from real life, but even when I fully expected and accepted and saw the boundary and end between fantasy and reality… I still get punished with reality regardless! I can’t escape that real life because it WILL go out of its way to directly cut in and interfere, and ruin, what I love.

So why escape? Why invested? Why love? Why should I ever feel comfort??? It’s all stupid. I’m stupid. Life is finite and it’s merely what’s directly in front of you, don’t dare to dream or imagine, or think or hope, just focus on what’s in front and get by and try to live… Or at least ‘survive’. Or ‘not die’, I guess.

And now I resent real life even more for ruining this for me, when beforehand I could still like and appreciate it, even if I still needed some time away every now and then. So paradoxically, trying to get me to focus on real life, has made me detest it moreso! It’s that whole thing of don’t bother trying because you’ll just get punished for it, just passively wait and receive, don’t LIVE. Don’t stake initiative or agency.

At least if a character dies, the universe and immersion is still intact, if not moreso because then you feel and become even MORE connected and get that emotional catharsis, everything up until then and after takes on a whole new meaning and appreciation; But if it ends in real life, the immersion is gone. The fantasy is permanently shattered, and now it’s all worthless in hindsight because you’re reminded that it was never real to begin with.

And what little you DID get, is now ruined; And you’re not going to get anything else new, either! You can’t even KEEP things anymore… You’re just a bitter fool who’s going to get old and wither, look back, and become even MORE bitter and miserable. All of the emotion you felt, it’s been rendered worthless and meaningless, that connection once made… And I hate to see things ruined like that, so maybe don’t have things to begin with!

I’m bitterly, enviously jealous of others who still manage to enjoy, because why are you still invested?! Why still keep trying, don’t you realize how pointless it is!? And now I’m just ruining that for them, I’m ruining THEM, in my own mind and heart and place in life. How can you still keep going!? So even that stuff they make, that fandom content that exists on its own more or less in a sense, even THAT is marred and ruined for me… And I feel like I’m internally ruining that for others, that makes me feel guilty as I loathe myself for being so awful, so why believe that I can be better? Why try to be better then?!

I’m envious, because you guys still manage to cope and handle this in a realistic way, in a safe and mature manner. And anything others make, it’s just a cruel, cold reminder, a mockery even, of what I’ve lost, of my dashed and ruined hopes. And then I can’t bear to look at or even enjoy THAT, especially stuff made post-announcement, because you guys managed to keep making it anyway. And me, I didn’t, so what does that say about miserable old me? But then don’t make this about MYSELF…

Seriously though, if you’re going to still enjoy and create, please do so! Don’t let this bitter fool stop you. Don’t let me hurt you. Just keep going out there and be yourself, me, I’ll… I’ll figure something out I guess? But yeah, that’s MY problem, not yours, those of you who keep creating anyway, you’re everything I admire and more! You’re all heroes in a sense, and I encourage and fully support you- If my ramblings make you hesitate or discourage you, then just throw them aside and disregard that! I’d never want to intrude or interrupt someone’s own expression, not when I mourn my own, that’s for sure!

And y’know what? Other people who keep creating… You remind me that there IS hope. That there maybe is a point in going on and being invested, especially indie creators, because y’all have control and agency and take over what you make, and don’t have to depend or rely on, or fear, some gross corporation butting in and pulling the strings, threatening to revoke and take it all away! Thank you, I’m grateful, truly I am, I’m eternally indebted in a way I can never fully repay. Maybe I can try to make up for this by continuing to make my own things… So now this depressed, cynical rant, suddenly it takes a more hopeful turn as I write it, because of others!

And now I’m thinking to myself… It IS worth it to connect. For those little moments of inspiration and joy and hope that others can instill. Thanks, you guys. Out of nowhere, you suddenly made it better for me, and kind of helped me overcome this depressive slump; And here I was, just thinking and resigning myself to the end! I guess it never really IS the end… And what I said about feeling like Luz, throwing away her beloved book and joy of her life? Well, she DID go back to grab that book, and in doing so, found love, found family, and happiness she couldn’t have anticipated beyond her wildest dreams!

…Even so, wishful thinking aside, this has all been a whirlwind to me;

I’m tired.

#the owl house #the owl house season 2 #toh #dana terrace #disney #disneytva #rant #vent #rant tw #vent tw #ramblings

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purpleyellow · 3 years

Text

Road To Kingdom

The boyz 12th member

Mae’s masterlist

“A summary of Mae during RTK”

a/n: not @/ me using the performance names as historical events. Feel free to share your thoughts with me. Requests are open! 🧡

... After the concept meeting for Sword of Victory...

Mae cracked open the door to a practice room, making sure no one was inside before dropping her stuff, as well as her body, on the floor. The lightbulb making it almost impossible to keep her eyes open reminded her that she used to do that during her trainee days.

Here she was again, feeling hopeless like she was going to face the biggest challenge ever. And the girl was sure she wasn’t ready for it.

Minkyung had a problem of self-doubting even though she couldn’t pinpoint it, all the members seemed willing to take on the challenge, yet she felt like she’d be the downfall of the group. And yes, she had a thing for being dramatic as well, that’s why she rested the back of her hand on her forehead and sprawled out her other arm.

The door flung open with mild force, startling her from her thoughts and sending her body into a more normal position. Q entered the room without a word and just laid on the floor next to her. Both members looked at the ceiling deep in thought.

Mae went back to the idea she had during the meeting. Not a particularly bright one, though it did attack the fact she felt like an upcoming burden to the group. Taking a deep breath she mumbled, “I think I should take a hiatus”.

After her words, the room went back to silence. Her heartbeat had increased due to the heaviness of what she had spoken, and looking to the side, she saw Changmin frown.

“Are you sick?” He asked after a few minutes and the girl shook her head. “Physically or mentally unwell? Is there an issue we can fix?”

His questions made her taken back, for Mae it was very clear why her taking a break would be beneficial for the group.

“I’m saying because of the program”

“We’re joining a competition, so you want to drop out?” Changmin sat up confused.

“I’m thinking of the bigger picture. The group will do better if you don’t have to worry about me keeping up with you guys”.

“No, you’re not. I’m sorry, but you’re being selfish now” He chuckled. “We don’t mind if you need to repeat the same move a couple of times extra to understand how it goes. Do you honestly think it’s going to help being one person down?”.

“I figured I wouldn’t be setting you back. It can be stressing sometimes and -” She sat up trying to explain her thoughts, and he shook his head.

“Minkyung, you bring a lot to the team, just because you struggle with something doesn’t mean it’s worth losing everything else. When we were rookies I used to get annoyed because you were so quick to give up. But then you began understanding how you learn and your limits. And even though it takes you a little longer you push yourself. Why did you suddenly come back to assuming you can’t do it?”

“The meeting today. Everyone is preparing a lot, there’s so much thought involved and maybe not pulling it off would mean I failed you guys”

“I’m terrified too,” Changmin nodded, placing a hand on his chest “I mean, did you listen to the stunts they were talking about. My first thought was to run away. But then I remembered we’re here to prove ourselves”

Sighing, Mae looked at him annoyed “You’re a great dancer, and singer and whatever else, you’ll do fine because that’s how your body works”

“And you’re an insane performer” He cut her off with wide eyes. A random giggle left his mouth before he continued “I’m talking about acting and becoming another person on stage, you literally do that in the blink of an eye. This is your chance of growth. Who cares if you pull an all-nighter to get the right angle? When you’re on stage it’s like someone else entirely, and we haven’t even done some crazy concepts like we’re planning on doing”

“If the angles are wrong then we won’t look synchronized” The girl mumbled looking at the big mirror and Q chuckled.

“And that’s why you’re not going to rest until it’s perfect. None of us is going too actually. We’re going in as a team, with all our flaws and strengths”

“It’s nerve-wracking, isn’t it?” She mumbled after a moment of silence. Changmin laughed and added. “I’m scared to death”

… Five hours before Catching Fire…

The last rehearsal before the performance had ended and the group went back to their dressing room. Sitting sideways on the couch, Mae rested her head on her arm and watched some members go get their makeup retouched.

Jacob sat on her side and stared at the girl’s blank face before laughing. “Can you blink, so I know you’re still alive?”

Blinking once, she slowly adverted her gaze to him and bit her lip “This is crazy”

“It’s not as fast-paced as they show it on TV though. At least we have some time to process what’s going on” Jacob shrugged making her narrow her eyes at him “But yeah. It is crazy”

“Sunwoo keeps going on high places. And there’s some acrobatic stuff I’m not sure how it works and-” She kept mumbling like she hadn’t been there for the tiring practices and rehearsals. Laughing Jacob interrupted her by adding.

“And you fake kicked someone”

“And I fake kicked someone” Mae repeated with wide eyes making him laugh and Hyunjae approach them.

“Hey, I’ve been jumping on high places too,” He said defensively making her stare at him and shrugged. Jaehyun laughing before patting her on the back “How about once we get home today you have a really long night to sleep”

“I’m good” Mae shook her head “I’ll sleep but tomorrow don’t let me miss the meetings please”

Agreeing with her, Hyunjae stepped back to the styling session and the girl stood up to use the restroom.

Just as Mae turned around the corner, a faint sound of a violin came from Golden Child’s door. Before she could fully process the song it was playing, the door opened wide showcasing Jangjun.

“Well, do we have a spy among us?” He laughed bowing at her and Mae repeated the gesture a little embarrassed.

“I was just passing by and heard the violin. I didn’t mean to interrupt” She said making an x with her hands.

“Nah, I don’t believe you” He teasingly said and dropped an arm over her shoulder, ultimately bringing her inside the room “So, what did you hear? Are you going to sell this information to your members? And what is it going to be your concept today, I can see the hunger games thing on your shirt, is it like a revolution”

“Uh, I don’t know… Hello” Bowing to the rest of Golden Child, the girl tried to remember what he had first asked her. “I only heard a melody, and don’t worry I won’t spread it around”

“Hyung, I told you not to play it right now” Bomin scoffed to Joochan, who seemed to realize he was still holding out his violin before hiding it on his back.

“But Mae-ssi is a friend, isn’t she? She will hold out the shock factor for us” He laughed making the girl nod and give them a thumbs up. “Do you know how to play it too?”

“I do actually” She laughed and Joochan gestured her to take the instrument “Oh, no it’s fine”

“You heard our song already. At least play for us or tell us something about your stage” Jibeom teased leading her to sigh and take the violin to herself.

Fixing up her posture, Mae quickly played a random song she had learned as a child making the boys cheer.

“Okay, I should be going now,” She said bowing embarrassed by their compliments and Denyeol nodded along. Fist bumping her before raising a finger.

“But, Mae if you could do us a favor” He started grabbing her attention “Please make sure you show you’re surprised”

Laughing she nodded making her way to the door, before leaving she held up her hands with her fists closed “Golden Child fighting!”

“Mae fighting!”

(requested by 🍓🥛 anon)

… Behind the scenes for Heroin…

“Why are we so embarrassing?” Sunwoo giggled and clicked his pen repeatedly. He and Mae were sitting on the same side of the table waiting for Leedo from Oneus to show up for the writing session.

Bouncing her leg, Mae hugged the boy’s arm and looked at the door expectantly, only to get startled by it opening up.

“Hello” The tall boy put his head inside the room and entered it slowly. The three idols greeted each other and sat down still a little awkward from being the first time they truly interacted.

“I got the demo, so we can write the raps to go with it” Leedo said unlocking his phone. A piano melody that would blend in with Sunmi’s Heroin started playing, and Mae quickly unlocked her own device.

Opening a piano app, she waited for the recording to be over before quickly replicating it on her phone in different tempos.

“You picked it up quite fast” Leedo laughed scribbling down on his paper, and she smiled. “Sorry, just a habit before writing. This way we can adjust it as we go”

“No yeah, sure” He cleared his throat and Sunwoo bit his lip to prevent himself from laughing.

“Anyway, for the lyrics, I was thinking we could talk about becoming an idol”

After finishing up with their rap parts. The three idols made their way up to the practice room where the rest had began working with the choreographer.

“Mae, come here” Juyeon called out as soon as she stepped in the room, so he could run over some parts with her and Ravn. “There’s only actual choreography for you after the last chorus, but we do some kind of puppet thing during your verse”

“My love for this song couldn’t be any bigger” Mae giggled and looked around the room for the camera “Sunmi Sunbaenim, if you’re watching this, let’s be friends”

Laughing, Juyeon pulled out a chair for them to start while saying “Watch out. Taemin Sunbaenim commented on danger, maybe she’ll actually see this”

“Wait, he did” Mae stopped with wide eyes and Juyeon nodded. “Holy sh-”

“Yeah” Laughing he pulled her arm “Just remember this is still a broadcast”

“Honestly, if she ever reaches out let me know. I want to be her friend too” Ravn added making them giggled, and she gave him a positive sign.

“As long as you don’t tell Juyeon, because he’s been censoring me a lot lately”

“Well, we have an agreement”

Sulking, Juyeon added “I don’t see how this is fair but okay”

… 1 minute after Quasi una fantasia …

The members bowed to the staff and extras before slowly stepping away from the stage. Mae could see some of the boys crowding around Juyeon who seemed pretty upset, though she had no idea what was going on.

Holding her side, the girl went behind the boy and gave him a back hug making them waddle together back to the dressing room. Once they were all settled back, she stepped away from the crowd and raised her shirt a bit showcasing a forming bruise right above her waist.

“Crap, how did that happen?” Kevin who looked her way at the right time said under his breath. “You need to ice it, probably"

“I bumped on the corner of the piano," She said recalling the incident. “Hopefully it wasn’t noticeable. The camera wasn’t turned to me anyway”

The one part that had gotten her most nervous during this performance was her piano solo for the climax of Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. Not only it dictated the rhythm for the first dance break, but it was also challenging for her as she hadn’t played something like this in a while, and it ended a few seconds before her part.

So strategically speaking, she had to run off the instrument as soon as it was done and went back to the center of the performance. Not without hitting her hip against the wood.

“Is it hurting?” He asked while waving for a staff member and asking them for ice.

“It’s starting to. Do you think it’ll leave a big bruise?” Mae shrugged and hissed as the cold hit her warm skin. Shaking her head, she tried to focus on something else “Well, not mentioning everything. How was the performance?”

“Weren’t you there to see it yourself”

“I don’t know. I kind of blackout every time we go on stage” She made him laugh, but her face was dead serious.

“Wait really?”

“Kind of. I can remember it roughly I guess. Today there was so much to focus on that I’m not sure if I was entirely present. I banged my hip and didn't feel it at first for all things”

“Dude, same I guess. I need to lay down and get smushed by ten weighted blankets tonight” Kevin added hugging her on the other side and leading them to the couch.

… 3 days before Checkmate …

“The synchronization feels off” Eric spoke from the huddle of members watching the recording of their practice.

“Mae…” Q started, but before he could finish the girl spoke “Right arm higher. I got it”

“If you got it then why didn’t you do it right away” He turned playfully to her and poked her nose.

Massaging her back, the girl laughed and walked back to her spot next to Haknyeon. The boy dropped his bottle on the floor to help her out “Did you fall on your side?”

“No. I did trip while running from one side to the center, so maybe that was it” She shrugged looking around the room “Nobody is intact”

“Tell me about it” He pouted and called Sangyeon closer. “Hyung, maybe we should work on another part. We’ve been doing this section of the chorus for too long”

“Go talk to the captain, I’m not in charge of that” The leader laughed sending him towards Changmin, Juyeon, and Hyunjae talking to one of the choreographers.

“They would listen if you’re the one asking,” Mae said leaning on his side and Sangyeon nodded.

“Yeah, but I already came all the way over here. I don’t feel like walking back” Sangyeon chuckled, looking to the side where one of the staff members started calling his attention.

“We’ve got the costumes ready if you want to do a rehearsal with them” Looking up at the leader, Mae separated herself from him to run for the stylists while he went to call the other boys.

After the stylists helped her put on her clothes, one of them brought a box and quickly pulled her to the side “I know we’re not doing hair and makeup for today. But I’d figure it’s best for you to have it on for the rehearsal so we can make sure it won’t fall”

“Wow, is she getting a present?” Eric laughed approaching them and the stylist opened the box to reveal a thin black tiara to go along with her outfit.

“The crown itself is one of the props, so we had to make it subtle, but we couldn’t pass away the chance to represent the nickname you were given during the program,” She said helping her adjust the thing on her head and Mae walked to one of the mirrors.

“Wow, thank you so much Unnie,” The girl said checking herself out in the mirror “My face looks dead but damn this is pretty” She added making Eric and New, who also had joined them, laugh.

“You know, during a chess game, the Queen is one of the main pieces” She turned around to them holding a hand to her chest and a teasing expression “Thank goodness we didn’t go with a narrative that would give me that role because I’d crumble under the pressure”

“Only for the first week, then it would quickly get to your head” Chanhee scoffed patting her on the back and making her giggle. Eric chuckled as well and urged them outside “Let’s go work, so we can get Kingdom’s lost princess back to her place”

“Mock me as you want, I never asked for the nickname”

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ladyyatexel · 3 years

Text

I Went On A Manga Binge

So you don't have to

For those of you who have wisely avoided the shreds of it I've left around the blog thus-far, I had some weird notion to go re-experience Yu-Gi-Oh uuuuuh a week ago? We'll go with that. Time is meaningless.

I'd been able to read a good portion of the early manga at the end of highschool, and somewhere in my stacks and stacks of paper is fanart from this dark time, so you know I cared. I also still own a Dark Magician action figure somehow, so. I'd also watched a large portion of the anime with my brother because it had been laced with some kind of crack and we couldn't look away? I remember when we both were just like shit, wait, don't change the channel, I can't stop looking at it. And the next thing we knew we were waiting for new episodes and I was doing research on the Japanese original because I was that kid.

Anyway, unnecessary backstory out of the way, here are some... let's call them Observations and Consequences of having read somewhere in the neighborhood of 300 chapters (and growing) of a manga primarily hinged on card games from a spectrum of sources ranging from boringly lawful to sketchy as fuck.

Surprise actual character that develops in typical shounen fashion being Jounouchi. My limited experiences with the 4Kids dub and only early manga had not painted him in a particularly good light. I don't know if episodes were being aired out of order or if I had just missed the ones that established that he was making shit up as he was going along, but Wow I liked him a lot more going through the manga than I ever did watching the (dubbed, heavily edited and censored and thrown into a slurry machine) anime. I'd managed to come out with the impression that he was just as reasonably experienced with the game as Yugi back in the day. Wild.

I'm now reading every single comic-style post on Tumblr backwards.

Striking inverse to first point, wow, I don't like Seto Kaiba. Though he gets points for his general philosophy of the future, and the line I read in my sketchy online combo of scans and scanlations in which he said, "If God is in your way, you run him down," was Metal As Fuck. I somewhat shame-facedly admit to enjoying him a lot more as an Abridged Series character. (I watched Abridged as it came out back in the day! The experience of watching the anime with my brother had been so fresh that I got all the in jokes about the way things were edited and dubbed, it was great. Series remains influential part of my life to this day, which is hella weird.)

I almost understand how Duel Monsters works now. I don't want this.

That said, wow a lot of the decisions made in the anime made everything a lot more ridiculous than the admittedly already ridiculous original. I got the distinct feeling in the manga that the Duelist Kingdom stuff we were seeing was designed to be used and exploited in ways that don't make sense in an actual cardgame just played on a table like a normal person and this was part of testing everyone to think higher, differently. Maybe this is obvious to everyone already, I don't know. I had always liked that it was very, 'Not so fast, I'm going to blow up the moon to change the tides,' but I'm not really sure the anime gave enough explanation that this was an extra layer added to things for that event? You can see people actively getting used to it in the books, and people who aren't considering the real or 3D nature of it getting owned, but my memory of anime version is everyone just like, 'oh, shucks, fuck me, I forgot to consider the phase of the moon before i played this card, can't believe I forgot.' No one calls Yugi on any of this stuff because it's valid play in that situation. Plus Yami Yugi had mad trickster energy in the beginning and it suited him to think of ways to do things inside these little simulation boxes the way it suited him to set perverts on fire. I imagine the real card game trying to emulate this element as something that would be to its detriment, but I neither know nor particular care haha

Ryou Bakura.

Really, though. I think he became kind of casualty of 'wow, we have a lot of characters who really aren't able to do anything in this story anymore,' despite the fact that his whole inner life could have been as interesting as Yugi's. I always like thinking about the possibilities of stories in which main character falls into magical world and is given magical item and told they're the hero and then they find out they've been the bad guy the whole time. The first several volumes of manga were about the quiet weirdo kid that no one talked to who was always blacking out and turning into a fucked up version of himsef because he was so attached to his ancient Egyptian jewelry, so like, Bakura could have much the same shit going on. I want to know what's happening with him so much. He clearly doesn't love being possessed, but he's also so drawn to the ring. Despite it having stabbed him at least twice and him knowing it's a danger to him and his friends, he keeps being pulled back into it. You see so much more of him being like, 'Oooh, a creepy thing, I love that! :D' in the manga than ever in the anime, which I'm all about. Also more blood. I'm very about that as well. Though my memory of the anime also made it look very much like normal regular daily Bakura was just a weird facade in places before he ever would have been. I think that was it trying to compensate for what people didn't see from the Toei anime, but okay whatever, that I love everything about this guy is not news, I don't need to talk about Bakura excessively here, I'm pretty sure that's gonna show up on my blog by itself

On a related note though, damn, more of these people need to talk to each other. Can we have some existential crisis support clubs or something. Can we get like some apologies or something? "I respect you as a duelist." "Cool, but you literally built a tower designed to specifically assassinate me and my friends? You were supposed to get Better after I retaliated by putting you in a coma, but you kinda didn't." "Why would the coma have made it better" "I just told you it didn't" ---- "Sorry I went along with the plan of your evil parasite stabbing you, misled you, and then also jumped in and took up some real estate in your head too." "I understand, I also have an evil thing inside me that does things while I'm blacked out." "...no, I was conscious for all of that." "Oh." "..." "..." "..." "Do you like Ouija Boards?" "sure okay" ETC. Like damn we are reading shounen manga because no one is talking extensively about their feelings here and I'm tapping my foot angrily.

Holy shit there are so many mythologies happening at once. The ancient family guarding the Egyptian Pharaoh has a surname that's a Mesopotamian goddess. None of the god cards make any Egyptian sense except Ra, and just like. Baaarrrrely. Somewhere either Evil Ring Bakura or Mar/lik makes a reference to cremation and spirits being taken to heaven with smoke which several things, but definitely not Ancient Egyptian. Marik/Malik meanwhile is clearly trying to head Arabic, along with Rishid, but then, hey, our sister is just Isis. Goddess McGoddess. Sometimes they're the same goddess! Her name could be Isis Isis or Ishtar Ishtar. Meanwhile, all the obviously 'occult because Christians think it is freaky' stuff. ~ancient egyptian pentagrams~~~This isn't a complaint, I guess so much as a 'Wow, I can kind of see the cultural spot the author was coming from and where he was aiming' kind of thing.

Wonder where things would have gone if the card games had not been latched onto the way they were.

Managed to forget how gross the pre-cardgames stuff was on the sexual harassment front. I'm glad there was a sort of explanation of everyone drifting away from being dick heads and that that decision was made. It got way more comfortable to read after no one was bringing Yugi p*rn on VHS.

Yugi looks better with a nose, glad we got that upgrade.

Interesting to watch the series style shift as it goes away from being horror to being over the top cardgames and friendship (with blood!). The first picture of Mokuba is fucking Jarring. Also noticed that the nicer a character is, the less their teeth are defined.

Glad manga did not go as completely off the fucking the rails about Marik's face. I never got as far as seeing him back in the day because college occurred, but I remember seeing pictures and stuff and being like, "what in the Fuck happened to that dude, I think the house style has collapsed in on itself"

Things the author Really Likes: motorcycles, belts, SHOES, holy shit the shoes. These are some of the most lovingly rendered sneakers I've ever seen. All the detail on his characters goes straight to their feet and then it's stretched upward until it forms stiff peaks. Gently fold in 3000 years of trauma and bake face down in a crumb coat of scattered mythology. Remove when you roll two zeros.

Where the fuck am I going to put the extremely large omnibus volumes of this comic I purchased in order to balance out how much I would be reading for free on the internet. I should have grasped that a three in one edition would be Thick and yet somehow I was still :O when it arrived. Have I strategically purchased volumes that contain my favorite parts, maybe, what's it to you will i eventually get the whole thing because incomplete book series gnaw on my soul? yes

Wish the transition from "I've murdered several people in delightfully karmic ways" to "all you need is friendship in your heart and cards in your hand" Yami Yugi/Pharaoh had been discussed more/transitioned better. Buddy, where did you get this approved for television high horse? Please go back to strangling people with yo-yos or at least tell me why you stopped.

I still can't tell anything that looks like a big robotic monster apart from any other big robotic monster. My dude, I can't tell cars apart, all these monsters look the same.

Yami Yugi fascinated me way more in highschool? Maybe because it was still super early and the anime was like 'we need to torture you about his origins WeEkLy. Now I'm just like 'wait hold on, can we go back to Bakura and Marik for a minute, there's some extreme unpacking to do here?' Those two are paying so much more in baggage fees here my guy wow

Violently uninterested in any of the spinoff media

#yugioh #yu gi oh #ygo #there you go i can't imagine any other way you would decide was necessary to tag this #perhaps now that i have thrown this up i can #something #i don't know how i was going to finish that sentence #shut up lady

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