#like I said tho any honest response from me would be either mean or encouraging this nonsense and I don't want to do either

[capriciouscaprine]

tfw someone who im sure is a sweetheart replies to your comment about wanting a low c chip with a suggestion to try out goldfish bc they're 'only' 150c/serving

.............there's no healthy way for me to respond to that

[finalgirlbrainrot]

I have two unpopular opinions 1) if roles were reversed and Dean was the one drinking blood, Dean stans would have excused the shit out of it and even liked it. 2) if none of Dean's trauma was addressed and ignored (like most of Sam's trauma is) Dean stans would fucking riot.

intensely aggressively strongly agree | strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

(sorry in advance, I ranted A Lot)

2) I'm gonna start with this one. YESYESYES I mean dean stans are already constantly unironically whining that dean's traumas never get acknowledged (EVEN THO IT'S LITERALLY NOT TRUE, HIS TRAUMAS ALREADY GET ACKNOWLEDGED MORE THAN ENOUGH. EVERY TIME HE STUBS HIS TOE. EVERYONE IS CODDLING HIM AND ASKING HIM HOW HE'S DOING. HALF THE SHOW IS LITERALLY DEAN MANPAINING ABOUT HIS TRAUMAS - but apparently that's not enough for them, so I can't imagine the uproar if it was actually true). meanwhile sam's traumas either get ignored or they get treated like a fucking joke? well I guess it's just another tuesday

I've also seen a lot of dean stans moaning about sam "forcing dean to talk about his traumas", because apparently sam actually acknowledging dean's traumas and encouraging him to open up about them and being always supportive af because he actually cares is unacceptable (and I'm willing to bet that if he didn't acknowledge them, they'd still complain because sam literally can't win no matter what he does)

but dean ignoring and never acknowledging sam's traumas (not even when he's directly responsible for said trauma) or making them all about himself (mystery spot, hallucifer, soullessness, gadreel possession) or vilifying and victim blaming him (being force-fed demon blood, soullessness, gadreel possession) or using said traumas to justify his actions (hallucifer) or making cruel, disgusting and unnecessary jokes about them ("you had a girl inside you for a whole week" [meg possession] "you know how wrong that sounds, right?" "you've like an episode of teen mom" [gadreel possession - let's talk about how these two in particular are a thousand times more disgusting than the rest since he's actually joking about a violation he's directly responsible for] "smores foot" [bmol torture] "crybaby pie" [cole torture] "you saw the [devil's] john [or butt]?" [the cage] dick of death jokes right, left and center) is perfectly acceptable behaviour

1) again YESYESYESYES. I mean, this isn't even a hypothesis, we already have an extremely similar storyline for dean - the moc - and everyone made excuses for him and glorified him, even tho he was worse than demon blood sam in every possible way

actually I wrote a rant on reddit a couple of days ago about the awful double standards between demon blood sam and moc/demon dean. I'm gonna paste it here because I'm Bitter Af

comparing demon blood sam and moc/demon demon is ironically and hysterically bitter because, logically, no matter how you spin it, s4 sam is much more understandable and easy to sympathize with - both in intentions and actions - and should have the moral high ground, while s9-10 dean was flat out awful and damaging. yet both the show and the fandom crucify sam and treat dean as some poor victim or a great martyred hero who made some great noble sacrifice and I just... don't get it. so let's break it down:

> reason for drinking blood / getting the moc

- sam: exorcising demons without harming the host, thus saving people (which apparently isn't that relevant to dean) and killing lilith, first because she sent his brother to hell and then to stop the apocalypse and because she was an actual threat

- dean: because he couldn't face the consequences of his actions after the gadreel mess and decided he wanted to kill abaddon, who, at that point, wasn't even their problem (she only became a real problem in 9x17, when they learned about the soul harvesting, so unless dean has some sort of prophetic knowledge, he had no reason to take the moc in 9x11) and was a real threat to no-one but crowley

> trusting / working with a demon

- sam: I've already said this before, but ruby was a master manipulator and went to extraordinary lengths to gain sam's trust and even managed to fool every single demon (aside from lilith obviously). as far as both brothers knew, she's done nothing but help them, saved their lives multiple times and helped them save others, fixed the colt for them, was there for sam after dean died, is basically hunted by other demons for helping them, has risked her life for them several times and even got tortured for them and was helping sam to go after the demon who was trying to start the apocalypse. sam had absolutely no valid reason not to trust her. I'd really like someone to look me in the eyes and tell me that, if anyone did everything I mentioned above, you wouldn't trust them

- dean: trusted a demon who they knew is extremely untrustworthy and self-serving and only does what's in his best interest and has screwed them over one way or another every time they worked together and has hurt people they're close to

> level of manipulation involved

- sam: as I already said, ruby was a master manipulator and spent two years carefully manipulating sam to get him to do what she wanted. not the mention everything azazel did to get him there, lilith pushing his buttons at every turn to get him to kill her and the manipulation from heaven as well, who were lying to the boys at every turn

- dean: while crowley was manipulating him, the level of manipulation isn't remotely comparable to the one sam went through is s4. crowley saying “let’s kill abaddon” and pretending to be afraid of cain is not comparable to a plan that’s been set on motion since the beginning of time and crowley wasn't the only one involved in dean getting the mark. cain was involved as well and he wasn't manipulating him (unlike sam, who was being manipulated by everyone involved). on the contrary, he was completely honest with dean and even offered to tell him more about the mark and DEAN REFUSED (like can you imagine how many problems would've been avoided if dean sat on his ass for one minute and listened to cain's warning???)

> actions

- sam: in s4 sam was trying to use something that was forced on him when he was six months old, and that he hated about himself, to do good because he felt like he had to and was literally SAVING PEOPLE and trying to stop the apocalypse, I literally still don't get why he's vilified for it????? in s4 sam killed a total of one (1) person: the possessed nurse and while that was obviously bad, 1) he was clearly upset about it and 2) I still haven't seen one (1) valid reason for why she's any different from the demons dean drained and killed in swan song or from any of the other possession victims they killed with the demon knife or the angel blade

- dean: meanwhile dean was going around murdering people left and right (also another example of fandom double standards: everyone defends moc!dean and demon!dean because "he only killed bad people" - which isn't even true, but let's say he was - and yet, I seem to remember a certain kitsune named amy pond, who was ALSO killing bad people (and not for the lolz of it, but to save her son) and dean killed her and the fandom defended him back then as well. is killing bad people okay only if dean does it?), tried to kill sam, beat cas bloody

> keeping secrets

- sam: keeping his powers and the demon blood a secret was his god given right, since it affected no-one but sam himself and the demons he was exorcising. not to mention, he had pretty good reasons for not telling dean, considering his bigotry, black and white views and judgmental attitude. and yet, he was, and still is, vilified by both the show and the fandom for keeping secrets and dean even punched him for not telling him about his abilities (something in particular about this point that absolutely drives me up the wall: in 4x04 sam accidentally revealed that he knew about what azazel did to him and dean got mad at him for not telling him about it, even tho dean himself found out about it and didn't tell sam and no-one - not the show, not the fandom and not even sam and dean themselves - notices the hypocrisy. they're literally saying that it's okay for DEAN to keeps something about SAM a secret from SAM, but not okay for SAM to keep something about HIMSELF a secret from DEAN. if you don't think that's super fucked up, then I don't know what to tell you)

- dean: no-one says anything about dean keeping the effects of the mark a secret, even tho, unlike s4 sam, lying about the mark directly affected other people and put everyone around him in danger, including sam

> general treatment

- sam: everyone treated sam like a monster in s4, dean straight up called him a monster, told him he'd hunt him if he didn't know him, forced him into a torture-detox that almost killed him, tried to control him and refused to see his point. at the end of s4 sam apologized to dean. in s5 dean repeatedly told him that he doesn't trust him. sam was blamed for everything that happened in s4 and his mistake kept getting brought up even seasons later

- dean: everyone and their mom was coddling him and helping to get rid of the mark. everyone considered the mark to be the problem, not dean himself. sam was unconditionally supportive. dean never once apologized to sam for any of the awful things he said/did to him while he had the mark. sam never once blamed dean for anything that happened in s9-10 and instead placed the blame on crowley and none of the things dean did ever got brought up again

> at the end of each arc

- sam: paid for his mistake by sacrificing himself and jumped into the cage and saved the world and got tortured by the devil himself for centuries

- dean: paid for his mistake by having his mother brought back to life

send me unpopular opinions

[poetrusicperry]

Hey!! Ok so about me ummm i have curly/wavy brown hair, a bit longer than my shoulders, and hazel eyes. My personality, im very talkative but still introverted and i get awkward at events where i dont know a lot of ppl (i still love partying and dancing w friends tho) so i am a fan of my down time that involves either reading, writing, or watching tv. i love talking to people and friends, I’ll always listen if someone needs to vent to me and I love hearing ppl talk about their nerdy sides lol. i also tend to ramble a bit in conversations and im open to sharing a lot of things about myself. I’m also a very honest person who keeps it real with people and is straightforward about how i’m feeling and i like honesty from other ppl as well. I sing in choir and love music, I’m also sort of into theater, I’ve watched a good amount of musicals and LOVE Funny Girl. I read a lot, mostly cheesy romance books like red white and royal blue or to all the boys i loved before. I also love Harry Potter and can talk about that for ages. Feel free to ship me w who you think is best I’ll love anything but if it helps, part of me kins todd bc of his anxiety, i really feel like charlie is my spirit animal at times, i just resonate with his vibe, and i love neil. Thanks!! :)

beth !!!<3 i hope i did justice with this and you like it just as much as the anderperry piece from the other night (; thank you for all you do. here it is:

ship:

going to ship you with the cutest little baby himself, todd anderson. even though you’re very similar in terms of personality, you were juuuust a tad more outgoing than him, which allowed him to open up really well because you showed him how (:

hcs:

neil would love talking theater with you. he’d try to convince you to come tryout for the upcoming play, but when you refused nicely, he took it in stride, just grateful that he was able to geek out with someone about something that meant a lot to him

he’d be so, so supportive of you singing in choir and would always take initiative in planning how he and all the other poets would get to and from your recitals

you and todd would grow together so much in your relationship, moving forward with your social anxieties, and making your bond that much stronger (see: “grow as we go” by ben platt)

you and cameron got on fairly well, mostly he just helped you with any school work you would get confused on (and he always found you cute, but never ever said anything in respect for both you and todd)

consider you and meeks the hugest harry potter geeks in the friend group, charlie giving you guys a hard time about it. but once you lent him your books, he would join the discourse between you and meeks, wanting to know what house he’d be in and talking about hp nonstop

having to encourage todd to trust himself as a person and open up a bit more was a hard task at times, but he’d just watch your example of how honest and comfortable you seemed with yourself, and it got easier as the months went on

sitting in a room with knox, charlie, and neil listening to them rant about how much they didn’t want to follow in their dads’ footsteps, and only giving advice if they asked (they were just thankful that you listened to them)

todd would fully understand and respect your down time/alone time, asking if there was anything you’d need to have a nice afternoon to yourself

even if you didn’t say you needed anything, a new book and a couple of hand-written original poems would find their way onto your desk while you were out (:

charlie always giving you a “hard time” for how you were so quiet in class, but would talk nonstop when it was just you and the poets (“do you want me to not be comfortable around you guys ? because i can make that happen,” you’d say. to which his response [slightly panicked] would be, “no ! of course not, i’m merely making an observation and  commenting”

you and todd finding a nook somewhere on campus where you could just sit and read together, enjoying the silence and each other’s company

you and pitts would most certainly have a show that you would binge together; hours at a time. i mean seriously, to the point where meeks would have to check if you guys were still alive after he’d been in a study group all afternoon on the weekends

todd would also love to play with your hair because it was so pretty (i’m sure a description of your looks was utilized in countless poems of his)

blurb:

on the night of one of your choir performances, you had left the poets in the midst of an argument about how todd didn’t want pitts to wear his plaid blazer because todd wanted to wear his, claiming it was “his girlfriend’s performance and wanted to look good,” (which he always did in his plaid blazer and black slacks). neil was worried they’d be late, constantly checking his watch, and charlie was running around messing up cameron’s and pitts’ hair for fun.

by the time they had gotten to the performance hall and seated, the lights were dimming. neil was just glad that they got there on time, and todd was so excited to see you doing something you loved. needless to say, you were the star of the show, and todd’s eyes were gleaming as he watched you (later on he’d tell you that he’d never heard something so pretty come out of someone’s mouth ever). when the performance was over, they would cheer so loud, earning dirty looks from all the preppy parents in attendance. you’d be so excited to see the boys, but todd in particular. after you came out of the stage door, they’d all be waiting, todd holding a bouquet of flowers, and the other boys giving you a humongous round of applause (complete with “whoops”/shouts) and congratulating you on doing such a good job.

“you are amazing, beth,” charlie and neil would say, giving you big hugs. the other boys would agree, and you’d turn to todd who held the bouquet out to you, clearly speechless. he kept starting to say something, but could just give you the most humongous hug ever,

“you are everything,” he’d say quietly just so you could hear. he truly didn’t know how to convey just how much you left him in awe, but when you woke up to a poem about it on your desk the next morning, it meant that much more to have him in your life.

[lovely-ateez]

For The First Time Pt.2~

ꕥPosted: 7/25/20

ꕥGenre: College!au, Fluff

ꕥPairing: Fem!reader x Jongho

ꕥWord Count: ~1k

ꕥWarnings: None

ꕥA/N: I know this isn’t a popular series which makes me a little sad but I wanted to finish it anyway. If people end up liking it and it actually gets attention I might(?) make a part 3. It’s most likely gonna end here tho. Read part 1 also if you wouldn’t mind! Things will make a lot more sense if you do. You can do that here

ꕥA/N Cont: So even though I provided translations for some words, there is a phrase that I clarified in the middle of the writing bc I didn’t want to spoil anything

ꕥPhrase Guide:

你= You

加油 = You can do it (encouragement)

Jongho was surprisingly easy to talk to and we got along better than I thought we would. Not that I thought we wouldn’t get along, but I was still surprised.

After we had lunch together we exchanged numbers and began to hang out more, usually every couple days given our busy schedules.

He was so talkative that I found out almost everything about him in no time. He just turned 20, was a music major, and took Chinese because he wanted a challenge. He loved snow but hated the cold. Soccer was his favorite sport but he didn’t play often since he was always either studying or working as a tutor for underclassmen. He was born in Korea but grew up in America. Fluent in Korean but insecure enough about his American accent that he only spoke it with close friends and family. He met Mingi during a soccer camp he went to in middle school and his best friend - the guy with the mullet - was named Hongjoong and apparently much friendlier than he looked.

The more I spent time with Jongho, the more I realized I had feelings for him and the stronger they became. When Marina and I were alone in our dorm, I told her everything I was feeling and the response was exactly what I suspected.

“HA! KNEW IT!” Marina yelled, “I just won myself ten bucks.”

“I’m sorry, YOU WHAT?”

“I may or may not have made a bet with Mingi that you would catch feelings within three months of meeting Jongho. And you’re two days away from three months, girly.” She shrugged but kept the smile on her face.

“Oh my god you did not. Actually speaking of...what’s up with you two? Are you official yet?”

Marina went quiet for a moment then bit her lip, finally speaking up, “Well...not yet, technically, but we’ve seriously considered it. We have another date this weekend. Now all you have to do is get with Jongho and we can go on a double date.”

“Yeah I don’t know about that, M.”

“Y/n he totally likes you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“No I know. He’s got a few tells so I know he feels at least a little something. I’m just not sure if I should commit to anything, you know?”

Marina let out a loud laugh before speaking again.

“Pfft no. I dated all throughout high school. If I’m being honest, though, I really think you should give it a chance. People always freak out about possibly ruining a friendship by confessing but honestly if a friendship can’t withstand a little crush then you probably weren’t solid friends in the first place.”

“You know what? You’re right. I’ll tell him tomorrow.”

“Hell yeah girl! Go get him!”

-

The next day arrived way too quickly. Although I told myself I would confess, I was getting anxious. I walked into Chinese class holding hands with Marina for emotional support. We were the first ones there, as always, so I had a bit of time to rant.

“I’ll be honest, M. I’ve never felt butterflies like this before. I’m actually shaking.” I lifted up my hand to show her my slight tremor.

“Oh sweetheart! It’ll be all good! Promise. Just take a few deep breaths.”

I slowly breathed in and out for the next several seconds.

“You’re right. I can do this.”

The trio walked into class several minutes later. Mingi gave a quick kiss to Marina and Jongho gave me a friendly smile. Hongjoong rolled his eyes at the four of us and walked to his usual seat, propping his feet up on the seat in front of him.

The rest of the class filled in and soon our professor arrived.

The professor loudly clapped her hands, speaking up, “Alright class. Today I’m going to have you pair up in groups of two and work together. I don’t care who it’s with, as long as it’s with somebody. We’ve got an even number of students so we should be fine. I’ve got some games for you to play today.”

I turned to Marina but she was already halfway up the stairs to sit next to Mingi. I looked at Jongho but he motioned at Hongjoong, mouthing that he was sorry.

Okay. That’s fine. I thought. I’ll find someone else. Looking up I saw the unfamiliar young man standing in front of me. He blanked for a moment when I looked up at him.

“Hey! Uh...would you maybe want to be partners?”

“Are you sure? With the both of us together we’ll probably beat the whole class by a landslide.”

He laughed and sat down next to me, visibly more confident.

“I’m sure they can manage. I’m Tommy, by the way. You’re y/n, right?”

I nodded and smiled at him as we shook hands. I looked Tommy in the eyes and saw a slight blush on his cheeks. What I didn’t see; however, was the death stare Jongho was giving him.

The professor looked up and let out a laugh, pointing at Tommy and I.

“Yeah no way in hell am I letting that happen. You two are my best students and - no offense everyone - but no one would stand a chance against you two.”

“Ouch.” I heard Mingi say.

Jongho quickly stood up and raised his hand, “I’ll partner up with her!”

“Very good. Get on with it then.”

Tommy looked upset, making me feel bad for leaving him.

“Hey that’s okay, Tommy. Maybe next time?” I gave him a smile that he soon returned.

I walked up to Jongho, sitting next to him as Hongjoong sat down next to Tommy.

Jongho leaned in and whispered, “I’ll be honest, y/n. I’m really glad the teacher separated you two.”

“Yeah, I bet everyone is. We are the best in the class, no offense,” I laughed.

“Actually no I meant-“

“Alright class. I have talked in English for an unusually long time but in my defense, I was up basically all night grading essays so I’m running on two hours of sleep and a cappuccino. Nevertheless, I’ll now switch to Chinese. 加油.”

The first game was simple enough. The teacher wrote beginner to intermediate level phrases for us to translate. If we got it right, we got a point.

My team eventually won, beating Tommy and Hongjoong by a single point. Jongho really surprised me, getting almost as many questions right as I did.

Mingi and Marina ended up last because neither of them were paying attention, instead flirting with each other.

The second and final game was a little more complicated. We had to translate the sentence, as well as pronounce all the characters correctly. Tommy’s team was tied with mine until Jongho answered the last question correctly. I smiled at him and bounced in my seat.

“We won, Jongho!” I exclaimed, pulling him into a hug. He froze at first, but then put his arms around me and pulled me closer.

The professor spoke up once more, “We’re out of time for class today but remember you have a test next week. I expect you all to be studying!”

Our classmates soon left the room along with our teacher. Hongjoong quickly ran out to meet his new boyfriend - Seonghwa I think he said? - and Mingi and Marina were already gone. I assumed they left class sometime during the second game.

“Hey,” Jongho said to me as I was slipping on my backpack, “I was wondering if you could help me out with my writing in Chinese? Sometimes I mess up the stroke order and I could use the practice.”

“Sure! When do you want to study?”

“How about now?”

Jongho grabbed my arm and led me down to the whiteboard at the front of the class. I looked around at the empty classroom and nodded. I didn’t want to disturb anyone. He picked up a marker and began to write.

“I’ll write and you tell me if I make a mistake, okay?”

I laughed, “Sure, Jongho.”

As he started writing I didn’t see any mistakes. When he finished writing, I gasped.

“我喜欢你。你喜欢谁?”

[I like you. Who you you like?]

I smiled and took the marker from his hands, placing it back on the podium. I looked him in the eyes and cupped his face. “你” I said as I kissed him. I pulled back and looked into his eyes. He smiled and kissed me again, this time wrapping his arms around my waist.

We pulled back for air and I whispered, “You know, I was actually planning on telling you today, too. Marina encouraged me to tell you, but I guess I didn’t have to after all.”

“I mean you can still tell me, if you want.”

I gently kissed his cheek, “You already know how I feel.”

“Hmm. Actually I’m not quite sure. Could you clarify for me?” Jongho laughed when I playfully hit his arm.

“You know,” he continued, “when I said I was glad the teacher separated you earlier, I meant that I was glad you were away from Tommy. I’ve seen the way he looks at you and I really didn’t like it. I got so nervous because even though I tease, this is the first time I’ve felt like this. So I guess the question is...will you let me take you on a date?”

“Absolutely!”

[bigskydreaming]

Continuing on that observation because I forgot to add this part, as a gen z I'm glad you understand that we or young people don't invent new ways to be evil, but it's not completely true. You aren't seeing new forms of online abuse in every platform, I doubt second hand information is going into details as well. Also the fact that you are a white man, there are things being said and done to poc in various online communities that I don't expect you to be privy to. Harassing fans of color and poc media has become a lot more common and normalized which parts of the fandom at large will never see. I don't know if anon did all of the thinking before saying "gen z bad" but they're not completely wrong looking at the kind of mass bullying behavior literal kids are exhibiting. They are learning from or being encouraged by older people but that shouldn't take the focus away from them to blame only the older people.

And my ask regarding Barbara, you assumed I hadn't thought about if my disdain for the character could have come from ableism. I had tho, granted you couldn't have known that and it was surely a possibility, so I'm not saying I'm mad about it, I was at that time a little bit. But you could perhaps give your anons a little more credit sometimes. Sometimes people know what they're talking about, you don't need to explain other possibilities to them each time.

Once again, sorry if this came off as very rude I just needed to share that observation and among many other instances these two were really highlights and kept bothering me. My issue with Barbara goes in a different direction than anything to do with her appearance and I've personally faced online abuse from people younger than me in ways that technologically, even politically, wasn't possible or as easy a few years ago, so you can maybe see why...

Please keep in mind that whatever context you have for yourself or your ask when you come into my inbox on anon......I have none of that. You have an awareness of yourself relative to whatever you asked me. I literally only know an anon by the words they put into my inbox and nothing else.

Also please keep in mind that every anon I answer, I do so in the larger context of my own interactions with tumblr overall. I have a lot of precedent with things I say being taken out of context, misrepresented or even just me not conveying myself as well as I like.

So the combination of those two things is that a) I literally just don't KNOW what any anon does or doesn't know and b) If I'm going to answer an anon, I tend to want to answer as fully and clearly as possible.

I can understand it coming across as being talked down to, so I'll work on that, but I would ask people to remember the above and keep that in context too when weighing my responses.....am I actually being condescending in every case, or does it simply feel that way because I'm including stuff you already know in my response? And if its the latter, is THAT something I COULD know about you without knowing who you are or you as a person and not just a paragraph sent in anonymously?

I'd rather be safe than sorry, and so from my POV since there's no harm in somebody seeing someone cover information they already know as PART of their overall answer or response, like, there's no reason for me not to include whatever I think is relevant and just expect readers to decide for themselves what about my response, if anything, is helpful, and like....just ignore the rest, y'know?

Also, just for the record, I am ADHD and I save my medication for when I'm working or writing or have stuff I absolutely need to get done, which doesn't include my usual blogging. So I'm usually posting while not on my ADHD meds at all, hence the rambling tendencies and the length. Another aspect of ADHD that doesn't get talked about much ime is we tend to over-explain, part out of just excitement/interest in whatever it is that has our attention, and also in part because we're used to people not necessarily following the leaps our minds take when jumping around rather than proceeding in an orderly thought pattern.....so, part of why I break things down so incrementally is I literally just don't know where my way of looking at things diverges from the way neurotypical thinking views things, so I want to draw as detailed a map as possible in order to ensure the most people possible can follow my thought process, just in case.

(And again see, this is something you might already know, and hell, you could have ADHD yourself, I just literally have no way of knowing that so rather than just mention it and be like "oh and also I have ADHD and so that's something to keep in mind" I'd rather explain WHY I feel that's particularly relevant to your question, since I'm kinda like, why not answer as fully as I have the spoons for? People can stop reading at any time if I go on too long. Its fine).

As for the specific asks you're referencing - my response to the gen z anon was not meant to convey that the sort of things you're describing don't occur among gen z, so sorry for giving that impression. Its actually the opposite of my point, which was simply that I don't think its a generational thing, or that anything is gained by treating it as a generational thing. This kind of behavior exists in gen z, yes, but it also existed before gen z. Its not gen z SPECIFIC, or limited to just that generation. That's all.

And the other ask, the one you made about Barbara - to be honest, I don't have anyway of knowing for sure which one you meant, and there are a couple it could have been, but if its the one I THINK you're referencing, I believe you asked how to stop people from assuming you dislike Barbara for reasons rooted in ableism when its because of other things? If that's the one, then I mean, the thing is....I DID answer your question, in as much as anyone could. I addressed the perceptions other people might have of your stance there, but basically - there IS no way to ever ensure people take you at your word or any kind of guarantee you can present your POV in a way that won't be misrepresented or misunderstood. So ultimately, I just had no real useful advice for that?

And so I expanded into the only thing I think anyone CAN control, aka their own thoughts and words, and suggested that you just double check to be sure of your own possible biases that others might read into your words without you being aware you were putting them in there. That wasn't meant as an insult or to suggest you hadn't already examined yourself for possible ableism - it was simply saying it never hurts to check again, y'know? We don't always catch everything every time we do a self-review, and internal biases are inherently tricky to pick up on ourselves. And it just loops back into the fact that I really had no way to know what you had and hadn't already considered, you're essentially a blank cipher to me....and in my experience, a lot of people are a lot more ableist than they realize.

And this isn't an insult either! It applies to me and I'M physically disabled! I'm constantly to this day unpacking new realizations about how I still have more ableist views and opinions than even I realize, even after about five years of living with chronic pain, vertigo, nerve issues and associated problems stemming from only half a working mouth lol. I'm not trying to insult people by asking them to just do what I do every day and just like....make sure I'm not the problem when other people have a problem with me. Because sometimes, even after reflecting as fully and genuinely as I can, I think they're still wrong! I don't have to agree with their conclusions! But that doesn't mean that they're never right.

And for the record, I do think its still worth examining on your end, because I don't love that you said your issues with Barbara have nothing to do with her appearance, when we're talking about ableism specifically. It very well could be just a poor word choice on your part and not a reflection of your actual views, but it could also be a suggestion that you tend to think of physical disability as something that's limited to there being a visual sign of, and there's a lot of invisible symptoms and changes to the ways a disabled person interacts with society and society with them that don't alter a disabled person's appearance in anyway...and many of these things are the exact stuff a lot of unacknowledged ableism revolves around.

So I'd like to give you and other anons more credit and the benefit of the doubt and assume you know what you're talking about and don't need things broken down as much as I tend to break them down to - but keep in mind I don't OWE you that, and its a lot to ask someone to take you on faith when you've already made the conscious choice to present yourself to them anonymously, and deliberately limit how much a person even CAN know about you before answering, when you have an equal opportunity to present yourself by name, allowing someone the full context afforded by your blog, that they can use to familiarize themselves with you and what you likely do or don't know before answering. I don't think its entirely reasonable to anonymize YOURSELF and then expect people to still give you the benefit of the doubt.

Especially when not giving you the benefit of the doubt only really results in me over-explaining something you don't think you need explained in certain ways or in as much depth. Its not hurting anyone, and you're not going to be the only one reading this response and maybe that over-explanation ISN'T something other people know and it could still be of use to someone else, y'know?

But lastly, please keep in mind that you came to me, and I just answered in the way that made the most sense to me. If that didn't work for you or wasn't what you're looking for, that's fine, but like. You knew way more about me going into this interaction than I could possibly know about you, and assuming good faith of you and your interest in my response and giving you as much of a response as I did in the first place, let alone now, IS giving you the benefit of the doubt in the sense that I'm assuming you can find some way in which these responses are of use to you.

And if not, like....just don't send me more asks? LOL. I kinda feel like you just didn't expect the answer you got, and that's sitting weirdly with you. Which I get, to be honest, but I don't particularly think that's a me problem, because that has nothing to do with anything I can control.

I can only give the answer that occurs to me when I read and think about an ask. I can't guarantee it'll ever be the answer the asker actually WANTS.

[fizzingwizard]

;______; just heard that from September we’re gonna have three students in our cluster who are under 1 year old... (5 in the school total)

aaahhh im exhausted just thinking about it

and whats crazy is in one of the classes with under 1 yos there is a kid who is between 1-2 yo and she cannot walk yet. We have been trying to help her learn and have begun wondering if there is some reason beyond her mother just didn’t really encourage her to walk before. (Like maybe she needs leg braces etc.) So far no news on that but this kid only drags her feet around, obviously she needs constant help, and there are 12 other kids in the class, two of whom are under 1 and three teachers, HOW are they supposed to do it???

and the class that will have three under 1s has two first year teachers in it, that makes me so nervous... They’re both awesome coworkers, this is no shade on them, but under 1s can be TOUGH, it’s SO easy for them to get hurt. idk it feels like an accident waiting to happen.

i’ve been at schools where 5 students was an entire class, if we’re gonna have this many under 1s we should just have a class for them, come on! I love them but they are twice the work of kids on year older than them.

Also the recommended teacher-student ration for 1-3 yos is 1:6, which we abide by, but I believe it’s actually 1:3 or 1:4 when the kids are belong 18/12 mos. Apparently the head office does not care.

These kids are not in my class, I currently teach 2-3s, however I am a long care teacher and I look after them during morning and after care. I do their nap and their snack and play time supervision etc. From 10-2 they’re part of their class, but the rest of the day they belong to all of us.

More work ranting under the cut because I guess I just need to vent to the air.

And we have a LOT of students now - two clusters of going on 30 in each, in very small classrooms where the teachers are expected to watch them like a hawk AND keep constantly busy with numerous tasks at the same time.

Plus our prep time has been cut down this year despite additional work getting put on us, and we have no extra help.

If one teacher is out sick, no one gets prep time.

Don’t remember if I whined about this before, but a month or so ago we had a meeting in which the leader said “If you find you don’t have enough prep time, that’s on you to manage your time better.” It was super condescending and annoying. I’m like, dude, my contract says I get 1 hour prep and 1 hour break. We never ever EVER get the full two hours (and I should mention this is never consecutive, it’s 15 min here, 30 min there, 1 full hour if you’re really lucky). It’s usually at most 1 hr 45. But a 30 min break is fine! I’d love to take a 30 min break. Almost never do. Way too busy.

Like, I won’t get into it, but the laundry list of Stuff To Do recently has been ENORMOUS. In my class, I have 19 students. One of my co-teachers is part time, meaning she’s not around to help during much of prep time, and the other is a leader meaning she’s constantly in meetings or doing leader assignments. They are both fantastic co-workers, but yeah, this means I do ALL the class stuff. I prepare all the crafts, I do a ton of the organizing, and I’m often the only teacher from my class available in the afternoons because part-time teacher went home and leader teacher is in a meeting. So I end up with a lot of the after care stuff.

We have to hand out these big projects that teachers are responsible for preparing for each student on 8/16. We know these are coming and prep for them as soon as possible, but like, I won’t get into this either lol, but it’s so hard. It’s time-consuming by itself, and made worse because all the school computers are crap (like takes-15-min-to-start, another 10 to open the browser, 5 to go to the website, then it freezes, then 5 more, another freeze, etc) and like you have 15 min break time hahahahaha.

I wanted to get such a head start that I just started doing what I could back in the beginning of the year but we lit can’t do the bulk of the work until a certain kind of envelope is delivered and that doesn’t come till summer for some stupid reason. Soooo our long prep days in April when there are no kids around... can we use those to prep for this project? Heck no!

Anyway. This year’s is due on 8/16. This coming week we are off for obon break. This year also, the company is doing the project slightly differently. Instead of staggering what class gives out their projects to their students when, we all have to do it at once. We are our company’s biggest school, sooo my honest thought is no one at the head office thought about us when they made this change. The other schools don’t have to stagger anyway, they have at most two classes. We have four.

So this means everyone is printing their projects at the same time. For one student, you need 10 sheets on A3 paper. For my class of 19, that is 190 sheets of paper. For four classes, we’re over 700 sheets total. THAT IS A LOT OF PAPER.

So I get to work this morning and boss says “Yeah so we’re out of A3 paper.”

!!!

IT’S DUE MONDAY.

There was a little bit left so I just charged and printed as much of my stuff as I could in the morning before anyone else could. Then, miraculously, another packet of A3 paper appeared out of nowhere, and we were able to print most of the rest of our students’ projects. (My coworker who is a leader has not printed hers yet because she is super busy and isn’t finished. Again, she’s an awesome coworker, I wish I could have helped her more, but uh, I’m also swamped and not taking breaks, so. Hopefully she can do it before we really do run out of A3 paper.)

Getting more paper is no big deal, it’s just that no one has the time, and this is due Monday.

So I was super stressed. Sooooo super stressed for such a dumbbbb reason. And I don’t understand why these projects have to go out on Monday anyway. Some kids don’t even come to school on Mondays. Like. Just make sure they get them next week, isn’t that good enough?? Why make us stress and panic.

Everyone else seemed fine though, I was the only one tearing my hair out because I’m the type who finishes everything a day early so I have a day to check it over... I am not spontaneous and I hate to rush...

I lit told my coworkers, because regardless of the paper situation we are still behind because we have not had any time to organize the projects, that I will just stay late tomorrow to do it. It’s the Friday before a break so I don’t mind too much. I am really tired tho and would of course rather just go home and sleep but. I’ve done this before. Finishing up this project will take 1.5 hours - 2 hours at the current state it’s in, IF I can just sit down and do it uninterrupted. (Have I mentioned these projects are HEAVY?? And there’s 19 of them?? It’s a big job just to take them out and start putting them together >.<)

So tomorrow evening that is what I will likely be doing -.-;

There are INNUMERABLE other STUPID parts of this project - the idea behind it is great, but the way we are required to make it is absolutely bonkers and desperately needs a revamp but does anyone listen to a preschool teacher? heck no lol

uggh.

I feel better after venting tho.

I like my job, I just wish humans in general gave a shit, not even about quality of life (since obvs that’s expecting too much lol, also as a person with privilege I’m aware I’ve already got it pretty darn good), but just about not making jobs that are ridiculous. Just plan them out better, sheesh. There’s no reason for all this running around. The projects don’t need to be printed. Or they don’t need to be so huge. They don’t need all this fuss and nonsense. They are a good idea, but we could do them in a way that would be sooo much less stressful.

(The funniest part of all being, it’s a project for the parents mainly, and the parents... don’t like it x’D No they really don’t. They are happy to have the project, but first they’ve got to get it home, and it is HUGE and HEAVY and UNWIELDY lmao. And some of them are carrying twin 2 year olds and both of their futons home as well, and we’re like “here you go, two giant projects for you to take home!” And the parents are like “thanks????”)

[littlemisssquiggles]

Hey what did you think of this week's episode it was really good and i fell like everything came full circle. What do you think of ironwood actions. I also see ozpin returning to help oscar soon since I imagine that neo is probably just bring oscar to cinder as soon as she realizes it is ozpin but I do not know if she knows about Ozpin and salem's war tho...

Hey there Dagger. I thought this week’s episode was pretty great, actually =D Easily one of thebest episodes of the season so far for this squigglemeister. In regards to Ironwood, would it be weird if I said that I’m halfand half on his actions from last episode?  

It’s one of those rare moments whereyou expected something to happen given how things were being staged but stillfind yourself being shocked when it does go down, y’know what I mean?

Like I was actually expectingIronwood to go off on Team RWBY from as early as CH9 but when it didn’t happenand our heroes once again got away with their deceitful actions towardsIronwood, I was left feeling like the Writers were once again playing off yetanother scenario where the heroes did something wrong while portraying theauthority figure challenging them on their actions as the bad guy when inactuality, they were more in the right than the heroes. I figured it was goingto be just like Argus again. But no, the Writers subverted my expectations withIronwood giving into his Baobab and turning on our heroes, calling them out fortheir deceit. And to that, I clappedbecause I’m sorry, they deserved it.

I know Team RWBY are supposed to beour heroes and therefore as ourheroes, I’m always supposed to view their actions as some brave act ofrighteousness done for the greater good---but I’m sorry fam. I couldn’t get behind anything our heroes have done since…welllast season.

For the folks who’ve been followingmy posts since the start of V7, you know that my stance has always been that the heroes were heavily in the wrong fortheir deceit towards the General. I did not agree with that one bit nor didI buy into their reasoning for it either.

So seeing them finally receive theircomeuppance as a result of this is the poeticjustice I’ve been waiting on since V6. In a way, you can almost say thatour heroes unintentionally were partially responsible for the creation themonster that is Heartless Ironwoodsince their deceit provide fuel to the Baobab that’s been manifesting withinhim since the Fall of Beacon.

Don’t get me wrong---Obviously I amnot in favour of Ironwood’s new plan to shoot Atlas into orbit while abandoningthe People of Mantle especiallyafter he promised on camera while standing in the presence of Robyn Hill---theproverbial voice of Mantle---that he wouldn’t leave them behind ever again. Formost of V7, we’ve observed the results of Ironwood’s neglect of the Mantle andits citizen. This was what made the moment in CH11 so virtuous and benevolent.It was great to see Ironwood finally take a stand with the People of Mantle andspeak towards looking out for their well-being. All the more reason why seeinghim go back on his promise to Mantle feels so disheartening. This was themoment where Oscar’s words about keeping one’s humanity even in their pursuitof their accomplishments came back into play. I’m not trying to say thatIronwood losing his humanity wasn’t properly foreshadowed. I’m more saying thatit still doesn’t make it any more disappointing as a fan of his character tosee him fall so low and to witness yet again that Mantle is the unfortunatevictim caught in the wave of Ironwood’s descent. So yeah; I’m not happy with whatIronwood is doing to the people of Mantle.  

However, at the same time I’m not mad for the General reacting theway he did towards the heroes. In my opinion, the heroes deserved this punishmentsince their past actions put them in this position. The one thing Ironwoodasked of them from the get-go was to reciprocate the trust he was willing---emphasis on willing---to offer them. Instead theheroes actively chose to lie to theirAtlesian allies from the start and continued to do so up until the point theywere called out for it. The only reason the truth managed to come out in someshape or form was due in part to Oscar’s encouragement. Yes I understand thatRuby also agreed to tell Ironwood the truth too and it’s actually a decisionthat she and Oscar were on the same page about. However, the difference betweenRuby and Oscar is that Oscar was shown to disapprove of the team withholdinginformation from their Atlesian allies. He even challenged Ruby on the matter.

Not once has Ruby has been shown toregret her actions towards the General. On the contrary, she seemed rather indifferent about it even whenchallenged by Yang about the subject. The one time we’ve seen her express doubtin her decision to deceive Ironwood was in CH4 during her conversation withQrow, which I’d like to believe was influenced by her talk with Oscar at thestart of CH3. Though initially apathetic on the matter, I could at least tellthat Oscar’s words weighed deeply on Ruby’s subconscious after their talk. Allthe more reason why I was disappointed in Qrow for actually encouraging Ruby intheir deceit of their Atlesian allies. Especially coming off the outcome ofwhat happened back in Anima with Oz and the Lamp.

Apologies if I sound like I’ve beenharping on Ruby a lot for this volume but I’m afraid I have to because hercharacterization for V7 hasn’t been favorablefor me. However if there is one takeaway from the Writers’ approach to Ruby’sstory for V7 that I liked a little is showing more of those “faults” about her that Oz mentioned toOscar about back in V5.

“…In some ways, yes but in many others…no. She has quirks. Her faults, just like everyone else. But she also possessessomething unquantifiable. A spark that can inspire others even in the darkestof times…”

“This must be really hard on hertoo.”

“It most assuredly is.”

For many seasons, Ruby has beenplaced on this pedestal as this voice of guidance and inspiration within thehero team. In spite of her young age and her initial shortcomings in the past,we were able to watch Ruby grow into the role. While the leadership was thebadge she was graced with based on Oz’s decision, over the story, we watchedRuby slowly and surely grow to prove that it was a title she was meant to have.She earned it of her own diligence.

But like every leader, at somepoint, you waver and make poor decisions that end up bringing the worst outcomefor you and your team. What bothered me about the way Ruby was written so farfor this season is that it never felt as if she genuinely thought that heractions towards Ironwood and their Atlesian allies were wrong. The show always portrayed her with this sort of bright smilethat, to me as the viewer, gave the impression that she’s almost blissfully naïve to the cause and effectof her own choices.

Basically the point I’m trying tomake here is that in her own Ruby way, she became arrogant. Without even realizing it for herself, in an ironic way,Ruby didn’t just mimic Ozpin’s behavior. She also became just like Ironwood,mimicking the same behavior that became the basis for her choice to deceivehim.

Doingwhat you think is best for everyone while completely ignoring the ramificationsof what your choices might do to others and/or how it might cause others toview you in the end once the action is committed?  

Wasn'tthat not the reason Ruby and by extension, the other heroes used to explainwithholding the truth from Ironwood? Don't tell the General the truth becausehe was doing what he thought was best for the People of Mantle while ignoringhis reputation in the eyes of the People of Mantle and how his actions wereaffecting them? Didn’t our heroes not commit the exact same feat but with theirAtlesian allies?

Basicallythe main point I’m making here is that, in trying to do what they believed wasthe right call, everyone made the wrongone. It’s not as one-sided assome folks might think. It’s not so much that Ironwood is wrong and the heroesare right or even Ironwood is right and the heroes are wrong. From myinterpretation, everyone is in the wronghere. Both sides have done bad inthe name of good. And both sides need to understand this very importantfactor.

However,at the moment, both sides are too ignorant to really listen to each other andthe rising tensions caused by the evacuation/abandonment of Mantle and theimpending arrival of Salem isn’t helping the situation. Despite being two sidesof the same coin---our brave faction of heroes and so-called protectors ofhumanity, they are divided.

Whatthe group needs more than anything now is a middleman.An impartial voice. Someone who hasspent time with both sides and has earned their respect or at least, the trust of their leading figures (i.e.Ruby and Ironwood). Someone who has listened to the rationales of both sidesand understands what either was tryingto accomplish with their actions. Someone who never took a side but rather identifyand spoke out on the flaws in either side’s actions.

Onnormal circumstances, Ruby would’ve been that impartial voice given herinfluence on her team. However right now, I highlight doubt that Ironwood (orany of their Atlesian allies for that matter) would be willing to listen toanything Ruby has to say after what has happened.

Itis for this reason why I’m looking to Oscar to set things straight. In previousmusings and theory posts, I’ve advocated for Oscar to be the smaller, more honest soul to mend thetethered bonds of trust within his team. I figured he would’ve played a role inOzpin’s reconciliation with his former team. But now we have the tension withIronwood.

Thisis what I believe the season has slowly been building up to with Oscar. I believe Oscar will be the one to finallytalk some sense back into Ironwood. You’ve heard me quote this once ortwice before but last season, Watts remarked that Ozpin was the only person whocould talk sense back into James.

Originallymy assumption was that Oz would’ve return to the PLOT to help with that.However, while I do want to see Oz return, I feel like Oz being the one to talkto James might somehow undermine Oscar’s development for this season. V7 has steadilybuilt Oscar up to be someone whose advice Ironwood might look towards when he’sat a loss. Not to mention that this season has also been slowly building upIronwood respecting Oscar as himself and NOT“another life for Oz or Ozma to live”.

Sowith that thought in mind, I want to see the payoff of this development for Oscar. I want it to be a case whereIronwood comes to accept Oscar as a worthy successor to Ozpin while still respectinghim as his own person.

Iwant Oscar to be the one to talk sense into Ironwood and talk him off the cloudof conceit he’s risen into. Even if it means having to actively fight him first to get him to listen tohim. It’s a shame Oscar can’t simply just project Ozpin’s soul as some kind ofastral projection before Ironwood to see. And no I’m saying that should be hissemblance. I’m just saying it as an idea.

Oh!As a matter of fact, what I would actually dig is a parallel to V5. Remember that scene with Lionheart where Oscarfirst drew the Long Memory, surprisingly Leonardo and prompting him to say“…Ozpin?” only for Oscar to smirk and cheekily respond “Not quite.”

Ithink I need a mirror of that moment with Ironwood now. I need Oscar toapproach Ironwood with this kind of commanding aura about him that demands hisattention and respect---a presence that James had only once seen reflected inthe eyes of one man named Professor Ozpin.

Imagine a moment where Jamessees Ozpin mirrored in Oscar and in a similar manner to Lionheart, it promptshim to ask “…Ozpin?”

Onlyfor Oscar to respond, in a gentler tone. “…Notquite”

Becauseit wasn’t Ozpin. It was Oscar. But now he was channelling some of Ozpin’sinfluence (as per his guidance) as ameans of getting James to finally listen to him, which he does.

Ithink that kind of moment would be great for little barn prince. Maybe it couldeven be complemented by Oscar glancing back at an apparition of Ozpin standing over him with a proud smile on hisface at his growth since his absence.

Imagine if…this moment evenencourages Oz to take more of a backseat within Oscar’s mind; relegatinghimself to more of a watchful guardian role, silently continuing to watch overOscar from the back of his mind while only offering advice when Oscar asks ofit.

Iknow some Ozpinheads want Ozpin toreturn to the story. However, let stress this by saying that Oscar is meant tobe Ozpin’s successor. The one to take his place in time. While I don’t mind Ozsticking around to look out for Oscar, I can’t picture things going back to theway they were before with Ozpin constantly taking control of Oscar’s body.

Itwas for this reason why I was glad that the show took him out of the story fora little bit since it allowed for Oscar to learn how to stand on his ownbearings while forging his own identity within the team. It was a way tofinally have Oscar step out of Ozpin’s shadow and earn his own respect amongstthe peers that he gained through Oz. While I didn’t always agree with the waythe show executed this development on Oscar’s part, my views on the outcomestill remain.

IfOz is to return, I expect him to be more of a bystander while Oscar continues to pull the reigns moving forward.Picture it as being equivalent to watching a father raising his son; helping inhis development from boy to man. At some point, the son grows up and the fatherhas to take a step back in order allow him to continue to grow on theirown---only returning when his guidance is asked of him unless it’s desperatematter of ensuring Oscar’s protection.  

Itis at this point I expect Oscar and Oz to be more in harmony with one anotherthan they’ve ever been with Oz watching Oscar continue to grow into hissuccessor until the time comes for him to become a part of him. At least,that’s how I see it.

Ifanything I’d much prefer it if Oz only returned to lend Oscar some of his poweron the battlefield. While I share in your theory of Oz returning, I’m not sure if Oz will be the one to help Oscar with Neo.

Based on the way CH11 ended off, itappears that JNR might be the ones to help look for Oscar. I’m not even sure ifOscar was even kidnapped. Some FNDM theorists seem to believe he was takenhostage by Neo while others believe he might be off on his own in pursuit ofNeo. I, for one, am indecisive on which theory I think it will be.

I’m starting to lean more towardsthe notion of Oscar pursuing Neo on his own since I like the idea of Oscarbumping into JNR along the way and the four of them devise a clever scheme tolure Neo into the Tetris Training Room so that they can corner her and take herout in a similar manner to Neon of FNKI.

But in the event that Oscar has beenkidnapped, I do like your idea of Oz returning to help him out of that trickyscenario. I’d like to think that Neo is aware that Oscar is Oz since Cinderknows and she probably would’ve told her back in Mistral. Speaking of Oz, perhaps, with his guidance again, Oscarmanages to free himself from Neo’s captivity, blindsiding her and retrievingthe Relic back from her before making his escape.

As a matter of fact, instead ofbeing kidnapped, how about the idea of Oscarbeing probably off somewhere in a game of cat and mouse, trying to protect theRelic from Neo who is hot on his tail.

Perhaps…after Neo took out the droids, Oscar blindsided her and made a quick dashbefore Neo could get the Relic off of him. So for all we know, Oscar could besprinting through the halls of Atlas trying to avoid Neo. Atlas is a bigpremise since its home to the huntsmen academy and the military in addition tothe Vault and the medical facility that’s secretly housing the Winter Maiden.

So Oscar could be anywhere on the premises trying to desperately get awayfrom Neo. What’s worse is there is potential for that to actually provemore difficult for Oscar than one might realize. Since Neo’s semblance isIllusions and since she’s able to mask objects with her semblance, imagine…poor Oscar being trapped in anillusion where he’s running around in circles unsure of which direction to gosince let’s say…Neo masked off all the real exits----making any exit Oscar stumbled up berevealed to a dead end while the deadends were the real exits. Or something like that. Picture Neo toying with Oscar is that kind of way. Even worse ifshe disguises her as one of his female allies who he might desperately wishwere there to help him (like Ruby or Nora).

And with Ironwood locking offcommunication between our heroes, Oscar is probably a poor sitting duck unlesshe takes Neo head on by himself. I mean, it’s ain’t bad as a Pineheadheadcanon.

That being said, I hope the showgives us a nice little flashback of what happened with Oscar in the lastepisode. I hope they actually deliver on that explanation this time but whoknows. Overall, I hope this answers you, Dagger.

~LittleMissSquiggles (2020)

[reddeadmort]

Can I request a ArthurxF!Reader where everyone starts to gang up on Kieran (they have yet to trust him.) And his sister (reader) just opens a can of whoop ass on whoever is trying to mess with him. Normally, they'd try to kill her but Arthur feels some sort of connection even tho she makes it known she isnt interested, but only for the sake of her brother but Arthur appreciates a good challenge.

This ended up being a bit different from the request, but the general theme is still the same :) Was nice to mix it up with a reader that isn’t instantly dropping their pants just because Arthur spoke LOL.

Arthur Morgan x f! reader | “Not a fair fight” | AO3

Guidance: Minor mentions of violence, mostly just fluff/general entertainment.

Words: 1.9k

“Arthur, please, for me?”

“Mary-Beth, I ain’t riding for hours to go and get that O’Driscoll’s sister.”

“Arthur! You know he’s not an O’Driscoll no more, never really was. And she’s an innocent! If the O’Driscolls are after her like Kieran thinks, she’ll be dead soon. You could save her.”

Arthur sighed. Mary-Beth really knew how to play him like a fiddle. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Arthur shook his head before replying.

“Fine. I’ll go help Kieran find his damn sister. But she ain’t stayin’ with us long, and she’ll pull her weight!”

——-

You had just finished moving the rubbish out of the back of your little shack when the two men on horseback showed up. Before they’d had a chance to even call out to you, your shotgun was in your hands and pointing at the face of the bigger of the pair.

“Sister! It’s okay, it’s me!” Kieran called out, leaping off and running towards you.

“Kieran? What the hell are you doing here? I thought…well, to be honest, I assumed you were dead. Since you were stupid enough to go along with that O’Driscoll lot.” You lowered your gun just as Kieran flew into you, nearly knocking you over, and hugged you tightly. With your arms pinned to your side, all you could do was awkwardly pat him on the back with your free hand.

“I got out, sis! I… well it’s a long story, but I’m running with a different lot now. And they’re a lot nicer.” This comment caused the man still sat on his horse to chuckle. “This here’s Arthur Morgan, Y/N.”

“Ma’am” Arthur said as he tipped his hat at you, finally getting off his horse.

“Well, that’s all lovely Kieran, but why the hell are you here?” Kieran finally released you and started nervously wringing his hat in his hands.

“Ummm… I’m sorry sis….. but….but…..” Kieran stammered.

“Kieran, this is takin’ too damn long. Either she’s comin’ or she ain’t.” Arthur grunted, lighting a cigarette.

“What do you mean, ‘she’s coming?’” you snapped at the pair of them.

“Well, sis, I think there’s some O’Driscoll men coming after ya. They ain’t so keen on me leaving as it turns out.”

“Well we won’t be so cut up, feel free to leave us when you want” Arthur chuckled to himself, but went back to fiddling with his cigarettes when you scowled at him.

“Yes, thank you Kieran, I know. I’ve already had a visitor.” You hadn’t even finished your sentence before Arthur had his revolver out and was pushing past you into the shack. “Mr Morgan, while I of course appreciate you tramping mud into my house, you won’t find him in there.”

“Where’s he then? When did he come by? How long has he been gone?” Arthur was in fight mode now, assessing the situation, planning an exit strategy.

“Out back, with the rubbish. Came by about an hr ago. Died about 59minutes ago” you answered, nodding towards the back of the shack. Arthur, looking slightly bemused, took off around the shack to have a look, while Kieran once again grabbed you in a hug.

“Oh sister I’m so sorry!”

“Kieran, for the love of god, will you get the hell off me.”

Arthur reappeared from the back of the shack, a slight grin on his face.

“Yep, that’s one dead O’Driscoll. At least I reckon it is, ain’t much left of the face. Kieran, you sure she needs to come with us?” Arthur was looking at you slightly differently now; before, he couldn’t really be bothered, like you were an inconvenience. Now there was a slight twinkle in his eye you weren’t sure you liked the look of.

“Again, what’s with the ‘coming with you?!’” You were getting quite irritated now.

“Miss, Kieran here reckons you should come stay with us a while, until the O’Driscolls get bored of trying to find you.” As you opened your mouth to protest, Arthur held up a hand to silence you. “Now, I know you can clearly take care of yourself, but when that man don’t come back, they won’t be sending just the one. And I won’t feel right leavin’ you here to deal with that.”

“So instead I have to deal with you?”

“Sister, please.” Kieran was practically begging you, it was just like being kids again.

“We ain’t nice men, Y/N, but we ain’t them.” Arthur was giving you a look that said you were being put on a horse, whether you liked it or not.

“Fine. I’ll just grab a few things.” You quickly threw some clothes and the few valuables you had in a bag. You really didn’t have much, anyway; you’d never have told Kieran, but you’d been struggling to get enough money to buy food, let alone anything more extravagant than that. You’d even had to sell your horse a few months back.

“Y/N, you can ride with me” Arthur held a hand out for you to climb on his horse behind him.

“I think I’ll ride with my brother Mr Morgan.”

“Suit yourself.”  

——-

It had been a few weeks since you’d arrived in the Van der Linde camp, and you certainly didn’t feel like much of a guest, more ‘staff’. You had been set to work almost immediately; though, to be fair, one taste of Pearson’s stew had you pretty much begging to take over the cooking.

You got on alright with the women, but the men did your head in. Not because of how they treated you; in general they were pretty polite, though you had to tell a couple of them that it wouldn’t be just bits of deer in the stew if they came any closer to you. Your problem was with how they treated your brother. He couldn’t do anything right; even when he was just sat, or tending to the horses, he got shouted at for some reason. It was like your dad was alive again.

Kieran being Kieran wouldn’t stick up for himself at all, just tried to avoid doing anything to trigger anybody. But he didn’t need to do anything; all he had to do was pass by one of them and they’d make some form of derogatory comment. You fought back as hard as you could on his behalf, just like you had growing up. Arthur was one of the worst, he always seemed to have a sarcastic phrase or two; for some reason, Kieran liked him more than a lot of the others despite this. Apparently, Kieran said, when you weren’t around, Arthur was fine with him. You had no idea why this would be, and didn’t really care.

—–

“Arthur, for a grown man, you sure act like a teenager” Mary-Beth gently scolded.

Arthur frowned, unsure what she meant. He’d only asked her why you didn’t really ever want to talk to him; he wasn’t really expecting that response.

“She doesn’t like it when you are mean to her brother, Arthur, it’s as simple as that. It’s all you ever do when she’s around! Have you tried, I don’t know, maybe just talking to her?”

“I don’t know what to say Mary-Beth. I always just kind of… go blank.”

“You’re a silly old fool Arthur Morgan.”

—–

The next morning, you were chatting as you helped a couple of the girls prep some breakfast. You liked this time, just after sunrise, before most of the camp had got up. It was peaceful, and your day had yet to be disturbed by some offhand comment.

“Mary-Beth, reckon I could borrow one of the horses? I could really do with some meat that’s not green for the stew.”

Before Mary-Beth could answer, Arthur’s now familiar voice rumbled behind you, making you start.

“I can take ya out huntin’, Y/N.” His tone surprised you – it sounded almost hopeful. You turned to look at him.

“Thank you Mr Morgan, but I really don’t need a chaperone.” Behind your back, Mary-Beth gestured to Arthur, encouraging him to say something else.

“Y/N, I….errr… well you ain’t leavin’ camp without one, so either you go huntin’ with me or stay here.” Without you seeing, Mary-Beth slapped her hand to her forehead, covering her eyes, shaking her head.

“Well I guess I’m going with you then Mr Morgan” you sighed, starting to walk away to get your gun.

You and Arthur rode in silence towards the hunting spot Charles had recommended, you having borrowed one of the camp horses. When you arrived, you hitched the horses, put out some herbivore bait, and settled in to wait. Arthur leaned against a nearby tree while you crouched low a little way in front. After a little while waiting, with no luck, you stood up to stretch your legs.

“Mr Morgan, can you keep an eye on the bait for a moment please.”

“You can call me Arthur ya know.” Again, there it was; a slightly hopeful note to his voice.

“I know, Mr Morgan, I just don’t want to.”

“I don’t know what ya want from me” grumbled Arthur. “I mean, I didn’t kill your brother, I saved his life, that’s got to count for something.” He kicked at a nearby stone, sending it crashing into a bush, scaring the crap out of an unsuspecting rabbit.

“Oh, will you shut up about that?!” you rounded on Arthur, startling him. “God! Like it’s some great thing, “not killing someone”. Normal people don’t even THINK about killing someone else! Much less, that person having to be grateful for it!” By the time you finished, you were right in Arthur’s face, him backed up against the tree, hands out trying to placate you. You suddenly realised how close you were to him; you could practically feel his thumping heartbeat.

You stepped away a few paces before sitting down on the ground with a quiet huff. After a few moments silence, Arthur came to sit next you, not particularly close.

“I’m sorry Y/N. We shouldn’t be so hard on Kieran, he’s a good kid. And he’s lucky to have a woman like you for a sister.” Arthur plucked some grass from the ground, fiddling with it.

“Woman like me? What does that mean.” You meant to snap at him, but the sight of this large, grown man fiddling with the grass like a child softened you.

“I don’t mean nothin’ bad by it. I think you’re….. strong.” Arthur had paused too long before that last word, you could tell it wasn’t what he wanted to say.

“Thank you Arthur.” He looked up as you said his name; it was the first time you hadn’t called him Mr Morgan.

“Thank you Y/N. I’m sorry, I think sometimes I forget to behave around people that ain’t…. well, outlaws.”

“It’s okay Arthur. I guess I’m not doing a great job of showing that I’m grateful for your protection either.”

“If your dumbass brother hadn’t fallen in with the O’Driscolls you wouldn’t be in this mess with us” Arthur chuckled.

“Hey! He’s my dumbass brother, only I may mock him” you said as you stuck your tongue out playfully at Arthur, making him smile. It was nice smile; without intending to, you found yourself hoping that you’d see it again.  

“Ya know, Y/N, I’d like to come huntin’ again with you if you’d have me.” There he went again, fiddling with the grass, like a kid 20-25 years his junior. You smiled before replying.

“I think I’d like that too Arthur.”

[notsissannis]

Library Magic

Percy Weasley x Theodore Nott

one-shot: Complete

Rated: M

Read on [FFN]

A/N: Massive thank you to the lovely @nachodiablo for helping me to understand aces more. Tho’ we’ve decided to cut down the ace part cause that, deserve its own story. So I’m going to tag you on that one too. Thank you!

Huge thank you to @honeyweeds for being the loveliest beta ever!

The first time it happened was when Penelope Clearwater dragged him into a hidden broom closet at the end of a quiet hallway. He was seventeen.

“Oh, Percy,” Penelope moaned.

The space had been small, but that wasn’t the problem. The problem was their situation, a situation where it should have felt good ー her hands had roamed his body, hips shifting in a way he knew should have been sexy, and her lips kissed him, slow and sensual and nice. But it just… It should have felt good.

Percy wasn’t stupid.  

He wanted to be aroused. He wanted to feel himself grow hard and have something to talk about in the dorm room at night.

The problem was, Penelope just didn’t do it for him.

Penelope’s hands roamed freely from his chest to his torso then straight to his trousers. Her slender fingers fiddled with his waistband, and she teased him by playing with his button. He could feel her smirk in their kiss.

“Now what should we do, Mister Head Boy?”

He really had no answer for that. Because honestly, he had no fucking idea what he should do now.

But, Penelope took his silence as a challenge, as his desire. She bit her bottom lip and tilted her face to stare straight to Percy’s eyes while her fingers skillfully unbuttoned his trousers. She gave a quiet moan of satisfaction as she pushed his trousers and boxers down his hips. They pooled at his feet as she leaned in to kiss him again, her hand brushing his leg as she moved toward his inner thigh.

“Percy?” She questioned, hand hesitating over his limp cock. She settled instead on the curve of his stomach, the tips of her fingers slipping under his shirt as her wrist brushed his curls. “Are youー Am I moving too fast?” she asked with obvious concern in her voice.

He resisted sighing.

Percy was most certainly not okay, but he wasn’t a quitter, either. He jerked off to Bill’s Playwitch magazines and heard Charlie talk about the girls he’d slept with in Romania. His brothers had given him pointers and he wasn’t fucking stupid.

“Yeah, Penny,” he told her. “Let me just,” he changed their position, drawing an arm around her shoulders and pulling her closer. His mouth found hers as he forced himself to kiss her.

The moan she gave encouraged him, and he brushed his fingers against the sharp bone of her collar, revealed by the open throat of her uniform shirt.

He remembered his hand wrapped around his own cock, the calloused warmth of his palm tugging along his length, and he had moaned too, hips thrusting against his hand. He’d nearly forgotten what or who he was doing. Until she cried, “Oh, Perce,” and he found himself pulling away from her as if he was burned.

“Shit,” he murmured. His eyes burned and cock ached and he wanted to come, it just… He couldn’t. Quickly he pulled his pants up, eyes not meeting hers anymore. “I’m sorry, Penny. I’m sorry. I apologize, Iー”

But he couldn’t think of anything.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, and he left, body cold and ashamed as he escaped her.

For the first time in his life, he felt like a failure.

Breakfast the next day was awkward. He couldn’t find the words to be himself, and the feel of Penelope’s hand on his shoulder before she passed him a small piece of parchment only made it worse. He stole a glance at his girlfriend and he felt his guts twist in an unpleasant way. He knew she’d been crying from the swollen state of her eyes, and he swallowed thickly in response.

She gave him a curt nod before she left. He stared after her as she left the Great Hall, considering how he could fix things, but came up short. Remembering the parchment, Percy excused himself and found an empty hall to read it in. It wasn’t long. Instead, her clean, familiar writing read: “I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough for you.”

He wondered, however briefly, if he was supposed to feel guilty. And it angered him. Because it wasn’t about her, and it wasn’t fair of her to think so. He was angry at himself, which upset him even more. He wasn’t stupid, but his action had been. And he needed to fix it. He was going to fix it.

Right after first period.

The first time it happened to Theo, he was confused. So. Fucking. Confused.

Daphne was in his bed, straddling him, unbuttoning his white shirt, kissing, biting, licking and sucking his neck and his chest. But he felt awkwardly… Indifferent?

This wasn’t their first time fooling around, grinding into each other until they found release, but Theo couldn’t bring himself to get into it this time. Daphne was beautiful, she was damn hot, the same as always, butー

He pushed her off of him.

“Sorry, love. Maybe next time?” He ran his hand through the mess Daphne had made of his hair, and crossed his ankles as though he wasn’t perturbed at all. “I’m knackered. Close the door on your way out.”

Daphne buttoned her shirt and smoothed her skirt over her hips. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Theo’s closed eyes snapped open. He looked at Daphne, waiting for her to laugh and make fun of him, and when he didn’t see any said reactions, he slowly sat up and rubbed his face tiredly.

“I don’t know what the fuck is going on, Daph,” he said as Daphne sat down next to him.

“Hey, don’t overthink it,” she said.

He replied with a hollow small laugh.

“Don’t overthink it? Fucking hell, Daph! My cock was limp! And believe me it wasn’t you.” He leaned in, trying to kiss her again, but Daphne pushed him back gently.

“Tell me, how was it? What did you feel?” Seeing his hesitation, she held his left hand between hers supportively. Theo squeezed her fingers in silent appreciation. “Don’t be ashamed, okay? Tell me.”

“I felt ー sorry Daphne ー really odd, ” he paused a second to gauge her reaction. Seeing none, he continued, “I enjoyed it. Really, I did. We’ve been doing this for what, two months? And you know what you do to me. It takes a long time sometimes, butー” Theo pushed down his embarrassment “ーin the end I’ve always been able to get it up. But today… I don’t know, Daph.”

“Have you ever, you know, tried anything with the guys?” Her face flushed as she asked.

Theo mulled over her question. Now that he allowed himself to be honest, he felt his body responding to thoughts of Draco and Blaise. He’d even found himself drooling over Wood when he first saw his biceps during a match. He took a sharp intake of breath.

Could it be?

Daphne noticed the hitch and quietly took a moment to think about how she could help him.

She knew first hand about the oppression and fear that came with liking the same sex. Sealing herself, she softly shared, “I like you, Theo. I really do. You’re very handsome, with your black hair, your mysterious green eyes, top in our class, well, after Granger and Draco of course, andー” she leaned closer to him and playfully sniffed his neck “ーsmells good too. Wow, Nott. A full package? Exciting!”

She wiggled her eyebrows and it made Theo laughed. Daphne gave him a soft smile as she spoke. “But you know who else excites me? Pansy.”

Theo raised his eyebrows as he digested her words.

“You’reー You like Pansy and me?”

Daphne nodded twice.

“You like both girls and boys?”

She smiled softly and nodded her head again.

“Merlin. Is it okay? I meanー” Theo jumped off his bed and paced in front of Daphne. He looked repeatedly between the blonde and the floor, “ーis it okay? For usー For me to like boys? For you and Pansy? It doesn’t feelー It isn’t fucking normal.”

Daphne chuckled. She got up and stood beside Theo, taking in his scared and confused expression. “Normal? Is anything about us normal, Theo?”

Theo snorted, “I guess not.”

The two Slytherins shared a laugh, obvious understanding between them. She let him collect himself before she continued.

“But aside from that, it’s okay, Theo. You can like boys. I can like girls. Sexuality is not something that should be controlled, so long as no one’s hurt.” She cupped his face with both her hands and tip-toed to peck his nose. “This is where the Muggle have us beat. They know all about this. Research and books. If you want… I can show you what helped me.”

“I can’t believe I hear a Slytherin says ‘Muggle have us beat’.” Theo smirked then sighed in defeat. “Alright, Daph. Show me. Enlighten this problematic lost puppy.” Daphne chuckled and muttered “drama queen” as she handed him his white shirt.

“Let’s go to the library. I know just the perfect source for you.” Her eyes twinkled with excitement.

Daphne drew her arm through his and dragged him out of the dungeon, to the one place she knew would help him: the library.

The second time it happened was in a quiet corner of the library, between two shelves, when Penelope Clearwater once again pulled him into a heated kiss.

“Penny,” Percy said in between kisses.

“Shh. I just, I’m sorry. I need you. I’mー”

Penelope didn’t get to finish her sentence as Percy pushed her deeper into the rows of books. He kissed her deeply and nipped her ear, causing her to moan in pleasure.

It was incredible, having that power. Especially over her, his girlfriend, after what had happened, butー

But there was something missing, and he couldn’t keep the thought from his mind, no matter how hard he tried. He was confused, but he quickly pushed it aside. He wanted to show his girlfriend that he wanted her. He couldn’t get enough of the idea of making her knees weak with desire.

Pushing her skirt up her thighs, Percy lifted her off her feet and leaned against a windowsill for support. She drew her legs around his waist, rolling her hips against his, and he moaned her name in response. Penelope pushed herself back a little and slid her hands into his pants and slowly stroking his length.

And as she kissed his neck, he looked up and saw a young boy, maybe in his little brother, Ron’s, year, ー he wasn’t quite sure as he was currently occupied ー watching them between the stacks. His dark eyes reflected the green of tie, and as their gazes locked, Percy couldn’t deny the excitement that pulsed through him.

He liked it.

By the time Theo got to the library, his nerves felt as though they would eat him alive. The feeling only intensified with Daphne dragging him over to Hermione fucking Granger. He couldn’t say that he was surprised she was the source, but he was certainly surprised that Daphne was comfortable enough to ask her anything.

After she’d answered his questions, they shifted into even more personal topics. Theo decided he’d had enough.

Wandering the library for a moment, he realized he wasn’t sure where to start.

“Maybe Genetics,” he muttered as he made his way to the deepest corner of the library. He froze when he heard moans, the sound echoed in his ears in the silence of the library. Low loud moans in this quiet area. He tried to escape, ー still half looking for Genetics ー and ended up a shelf away from them. Theo peaked between a gap of the books on impulse, blinking in surprise when he saw them.

Her skirt was pushed up to her hips, offering him a view of her long legs. her hands were everywhere, roaming his body as though it belonged to her. But, what really caught Theo’s attention was who she was touching. A Weasley. And not just any Weasley.

The Head fucking Boy.

Theo watched as the girl tugged Percy’s shirt and undid his belt. He glanced over the hard curve of Percy’s stomach, gaze climbing his body to his face, and Theo watched Percy’s eyes rolled back as her hand slipped into his pants. Theo wanted to look away from them but he couldn’t. He couldn’t look away from Percy’s tousled red hair, his crumpled uniform, and his clenched jaw as he bit her ear.

Theo’s breaths quickened, overwhelmed by the scene before him.

Then, as the girl kissed his neck, Percy looked up and their eyes met, looking at each other as though they’d done it before. Theo remembered how he felt whenever Draco smirked at him, whenever Blaise made lewd jokes at him, whenever Wood left the quidditch pitch shirtless, and it all came to him at once.

Fuck.

Percy quickly let Penelope down back on her feet and righted himself.  He was the Head Boy for fuck’s sake. He couldn’t be caught fooling around in the library. He cleared his throat and confidently asked, “Can I help you?”

Theo rounded the shelf, surprising both Penelope and Percy.

“Mr. Nott?” Percy prompted, finally recognizing him.

Penelope pecked him on his cheek and ran past Theo, leaving the two confused men alone.

“Weasley.” Theo moved to stand before Percy, acutely aware of their bodies. “I do need help, but I’m not sure if you can help me.”

“Do you now?” Percy lifted a brow, studying the Slytherin boy. “Why don’t you tell me what it is, and I’ll determine whether or not I can help you.”

Theo hummed in response, shifting closer. They were less than an arm’s length away from each other, and Theo lifted a hand to touch the bottom edge of Percy’s tie. “I need you to kiss me.”

Percy’s eyes went wide. He hadn’t expected that. “Excuse me?”

“Kiss me,” Theo said and before Percy could give him his answer, Theo panicked. He reached out and took hold of Percy’s arm. “Iー I won’t tell anyone. Just a kiss. I thought, maybeー”

Percy looked down to the hand on his arm and gently removed it. “Mr. Nott, I apologize, but I can’t help you. Now, if you’ll excuse me.” He righted his uniform and summoned his robes, shrugging them on. He didn’t meet Theo’s gaze, the request echoing in his ears as he picked up his school bag. But, Theo was blocking his path, forcing Percy to look at him.

“Tell me, Weasley. What’ll happen to your Head Boy reputation when they find out what you were just doing? In the library, of all places?” Theo smirked at Percy’s panic-stricken face.

“They won’t believe you. You’re a Slytherinー”

“And we always get what we want. Always,” Theo cut him off.

Percy’s head was whirling, thinking of the absurdity of this whole situation. First, he still couldn’t figure out his manhood problem. Second, a Slytherin caught him in action, threatening to ruin his reputation if he didn’t kiss him. Third, he actually wanted to kiss said Slytherin. Wait. What?

“What?” He repeated.

“Us Slytherins are cunning,” Theo told him with a sly smile. “And I’m ambitious, Percy. I’m sure you can relate to that.” He stepped closer. So close he could smell the girl’s perfume lingering on him. “And I know you love your reputation more than anything.”

Percy rubbed his face frustratedly with both his hands, trying to remember if he’d forgotten that today was the twins’ birthday, 1 April. He felt as though they were having one over on him, using a fucking Slytherin to do it.

He was already exhausted and confused. He didn’t need this. Not now, and definitely not haunting him when he tried to go to bed later.

“When?” He questioned, the heels of his palms rubbing at his eyes in attempt for some clarity. It felt foolish even asking the question.

“Now.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

Percy groaned, looking at Theo in annoyance. Did this boy really have to make it hard? “Yes, okay, alright, agree, deal ー”

Theo shut him up quickly, taking Percy’s face in hands and pressing his lips to his. Percy went rigid. Theo could feel his shoulders tense and worried that Percy would pull away, but relaxed when he instead began to kiss back.

It was raw. Pure instinct and desire that Percy never had felt before. It felt wrong. He could nearly hear his mother now, but he couldn’t be bothered, because Theo’s tongue had brushed his, and it felt so right. It was different than his kiss with Penny. This one, Merlin, this one was everything that he had imagine how it would be with Penny, but never did. He felt his body responding; touching and pulling Theo’s hips closer to his. Theo was sucking on his neck when he felt a bulge brush over him. Percy’s body stiffened as he realized. He quickly pushed Theo away and  excused himself.

It shouldn’t have happened. He was Percy Weasley. Head Boy. Perfect son. He would marry a good woman that would bear his children and live the normal life expected of him.

He left the library without looking back.

That was the first and last time he talked to Theodore Nott.

Third time it happens it reminds him of the broom closet. But more importantly, of the library.

Percy is twenty-five, working under Kingsley Shacklebolt for almost three years. The war is long over and there is so much devastation that all anyone wants is love. So it isn’t crazyー

Well, it is.

But it isn’t as crazy when Nott slides into the empty seat across from him at lunch. A sneaky smirk on his handsome face as he says, “Weasley.”

“Nott,” he replies. “Lunch?”

A waitress comes to their table with Percy’s fish and chips and both of their Firewhiskey. Percy take out his wallet to pay but Theo stops him as he says, “Already taken care of.”

They talk for more than an hour about everything: quidditch, politics, work, family, Hogwarts.

Hogwarts.

Normally when anyone mentioned Hogwarts, his first thought is Fred. But now, hearing it from Theo’s mouth, he remembers the library. The quiet corner between the shelves. He remembers Theo’s dark eyes between the books. His lips upon agreement to help him.

Percy swallows at the memory.

He silently studies Theo’s face and yes, he is still so handsome. It was almost offensive.

“Are you seeing anyone, Percy?” Theo asks, bringing his glass to his mouth.

“No. Not seeing anyone.” Percy takes a sip of his own Firewhiskey, considering his past lovers. They were a blur of men and women, but none that ever stuck. He’s grown a lot since graduating. He understood that his interests were different from others, and he is comfortable with who he is now.

Unexpectedly, Theo asks, “Do you remember?”

Percy doesn’t need any clarification.

“I do,” Theo grins mischievously.

“Of course I remember,” Percy replies, eyes sure on Theo’s.

Theo clears his throat.

“Right. I wanted to apologize, for forcing the kiss on you. But, I wanted to thank you, too.“ Theo observes Percy’s confused face. “I was struggling with my sexuality then. When I saw you… I thought… I understood, but I wanted to be sure.”

Percy nods in understanding.

“And after that kiss, it was clear to me,“ Theo smiles, his eyes distant with happiness for a moment. “I knew that I was not interested in women after that.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Percy asks, searching Theo’s face.

Theo seems pensive for a moment, staring down at the table. Percy can feel his heart pounding in his chest. Remembering the excitement that Theo’s kiss had inspired him.

As Theo looks back up, he smiles, so handsome and assuredly that Percy smiles too.

“I’ve heard that you’re interested in men, too,” Theo tests.

“From time to time,” Percy offers with a grin.

Theo chuckles. “Not so worried about reputation now, huh?”

Percy grins wider. “Not as much.” He shifts in his seat, angling towards Theo. "Can I help you, Mr. Nott?”

“Weasley.” Theo’s toothy grin slowly etching on his face. “I do need help, but I’m not sure if you can help me.”

“Do you now?” Percy raises a brow. “Why don’t you tell me what it is, and I’ll determine whether or not I can help you.”

Theo guffaws. All his aristocracy forgotten.

“Alright.” He crosses his arms on their table and leans toward him. A goofy smile spreads across his face. “I need you to kiss me.”

Percy shortens their gap as he too leans forward. He lifts a hand to hold the bottom edge of Theo’s tie, pulling his face closer to him before he gives him his answer.

“Okay.”

And just like in the library, the kiss is pure instinct and desire.

[keyofshadows]

@akingdomtheorist

So! Ridiculous conversation that’s gonna strike me as funny for the next week, probably. Which I could definitely use, but whatever. Thought I’d amuse you with it since your cupcake started it, lol.

keyofshadows Tomorrow's Eli's birthday. Confetti for all.

akingdomtheorist Adion will make him a cupcake

keyofshadows Awe. He'd be touched. And Adion would get a hug. Also one of those pointy birthday hats.

akingdomtheorist What if the cupcake was shaped like a pointy birthday hat

keyofshadows Pfffff he'd demand to know if the dragon was conspiring with his mom. She used to sew him a replica of Yen Sid's hat every few years and make him wear it on his birthday while she took pictures. From his literal 'I'm twenty minutes old' birthday until he was eighteen. IS THIS POINTY BIRTHDAY HAT CAKE A REFERENCE TO HIS HAT NEMESIS

sstingray yen sid knows about the hats

keyofshadows Is he amused or shaking his head because what is wrong with these people

sstingray secretly amused but won't show it is my wager

keyofshadows I wonder how much Eli was complaining under his breath about it during his lovely summer of responsibility training also I wonder how many dirty looks he was giving Yen Sid's hat while the man was wearing it because whoops

sstingray the master probably noticed it and said something to him eventually.

keyofshadows lmao. "It's not you Sir, honest! It's just...uh...nothing, actually, never mind, I'm supposed to be mopping or something, better get back to that." /slinks off because oh my god, explaining to Yen Sid about the Hat when he has no idea he already knows, pfff. Poor Eli.

sstingray not pictured: ray in the background trying really hard not to laugh

keyofshadows Oh sure, enjoy your amusement now, he'll get you back for it. Someday. Somehow. Maybe. She can babysit his eventual demonspawn, that'll do it. ...Which would be more of a punishment to the kids, actually.

sstingray and she'll get just as much fun out of that as she did watching him

keyofshadows Okay, we totally know what we're doing with Auryn when he misbehaves. Off to aunt Ray's for a pop quiz!

sstingray secretly gives him cookies when they're not looking

keyofshadows Ray's gonna end up with a kid that mouths off just to be sent for 'punishment', you know. Though he'll be more of an actual pain in the ass as a teenager. Amelia says don't worry about that, she and Nico will knock him into shape. With his own Keyblade, if necessary.

sstingray but eli she is not a tool to punish your children with! gosh!!

sstingray well if he misbehaves TOO badly he'll still learn not to cross her

keyofshadows The Grasshopper knows this. But really, it's Date Night and he and Specter really wanted to have some quiet movie time that didn't involve Auryn yelling in the background from upstairs. I should probably feel bad for Ray having to deal with the next generation of troublemakers, but nope. Too busy snickering.

sstingray it's fine they'll watch a movie that eli doesn't want him to see

keyofshadows Which would probably be anything with drunk elephants. Dumbo is Evil. So is Bambi, but for completely different reasons.

sstingray well. if auryn is up for it...

keyofshadows This is Eli's punk firstborn, of course he is.

sstingray welp. pink elephants on parade it is!

keyofshadows And Ray then gets to field ALL the questions, like how can elephants get drunk, and why isn't HE even allowed more than a can of soda a day if whatever Dumbo had was worse - wait, was that elephant beer? Or did he drink funny water? And if he drinks too much soda is he gonna see pink elephants too? Is THAT why he's not allowed too much? Can he have a few cans and find out?

sstingray fermentation is a terrible thing, you're too young kid, maybe idk but i saw this video once of elephants eating fermented fruits and getting totally trashed, honestly who even knows anymore, no, no it's because you'll get a sugar high and it's also terrible for your health, and no

keyofshadows He is completely unhappy with all of these answers, he'll have you know. Except the trashed elephant video, he wants to see that. BUT. He's gonna complain to Nico first (who will tell him to Listen To Aunt Ray She Knows More Than Them) and then he'll go home and whine at his dad BECAUSE AUNT RAY IS BEING UNFAIR FIX THIS

keyofshadows Eli just snickering and yeah, no, you have no idea of the meaning of 'unfair' when it comes to her, short stuff, sorry.

sstingray eli's probably like "that's what she does there is nothing i can do"

keyofshadows Nor does he wish to try, he's too old for another Darkside/Twilight Thorn/Who Knows What That Is pop quiz. He has kids now! (He's never too old, lmao. Kai'll boot him over for laughs.)

sstingray in which kai accidentally initiates a game of corridor ping pong with eli as the ball

keyofshadows Pfff. Kai says he thought he was going to get into trouble for booting the Epic Dork through Corridors, or does that only count when he's kicking him into the Maw?

sstingray nnnnno he'll probably be in trouble for it later but aunt ray has a life too you know she can't deal with your antics all the time!! there are seas to be sailed! treasures to be found! magics to learn!

keyofshadows Good, then can she take Soren with, he needs a way to deal with him this week that A - Does not involve setting his sneakers on fire AGAIN and B - Keeps Ro from rescuing him. Little brother gets seasick, little brother won't be warping over to pick him up. ...The maturity is astounding.

sstingray just for that she'll kick kai into the ocean

keyofshadows This is punishment how? He can swim. Also will probably open a Corridor and drop into it before he hits the water because he's a little shit.

sstingray either way he's off her ship so she'll count it as a win

sstingray not if she kicks him into her own portal and drops him right above the water

keyofshadows This is how you make enemies, Ray. (lmao, as if he'd do more than sulk for a few days before showing up again to get cookies/ask a favor/see what she thinks is a good present for Ro's birthday)

sstingray puhlease she'll take kai on pirate adventures someday

keyofshadows Do we really want a Keyblade wielder pretending to be a pirate. Or even just on the ship for longer than thirty seconds. (Yes.)

sstingray um duh?? how fun could that be

keyofshadows Kai's pointing out it should be Keyblade MASTER by that time, get it right. This from Mr. 'There's no way I'd ever be that good' who eventually is because whoops, Auryn's training is filled with fetching the chips Mastery Exams. I didn't know that traumatizing was another word for fun.

sstingray isn't that the epitome of everyone's time with their favorite aunt

keyofshadows There was just a resounding 'YES', so.

sstingray well there you go!

keyofshadows /snicker

keyofshadows The pirate thing is gonna turn into tradition, just like Ray taking on Eli as an apprentice started that ball rolling for him. She should pop on by one of the rabbit holes of Wanderer's Refuge again and see if she can land anywhere near Fen's time again. Be greeted by a slightly older (no more than 18, probably) Az, who happily informs her about how she's 'retraining' Celia's apprentice Seth, much to her dad's horror. Probably much to Ray's too, lol. 'Wait, wasn't he the boy that kept going creeper on you? That you hated? WHAT ARE YOU DOING'

sstingray no no its not a bad thing retraining is good

sstingray show him the light girl you go though lol god forbid ray ever have kids and they get mixed up with eli's family that's just gonna be chaos everywhere

keyofshadows Fen asks Ray to PLEASE not encourage his baby, he doesn't like Seth, he doesn't trust him, how does he know he's not going back to Celia and telling her things AZ IS NOT READY FOR THIS STUFF. OMG

sstingray also how would even feel about ray showing up again Oh welp

keyofshadows SO MUCH CHAOS.

sstingray that's the thing about light fen, sometimes you just gotta trust someone

keyofshadows Also no one minds Ray's random drop-ins, she's the Refs boogieman, after all.

sstingray and maybe put a tracker on them u know whatever works

keyofshadows He refuses to trust Seth, he's a little shit.

sstingray excellent her legend will live on

keyofshadows Az'll threaten her kids with Ray popping out of nowhere, just for the entertainment value.

sstingray I have a feeling her hypothetical family would get on great in the chaos tho lmao az can be like IT HAPPENS. A LOT ACTUALLY. we should probably do something about that

keyofshadows Just like how she's naming her firstborn son Jalen, also for the entertainment value. She can hear the grumping from the original through the rabbit hole, lmfao.

sstingray listen ray never asked to be an accidental time traveler it's weird ok

keyofshadows Also hilarious

sstingray she'll be sure to tell Jalen that when she gets back

keyofshadows The kid's gonna be the bounciest, most cheerful baby ever. /cackle

sstingray Oh how delightful!

keyofshadows Az thinks so~

keyofshadows Fen's twitching now because apparently Az is over her crush on Leo and he'd actually rather she go drool over the grease-covered boy Not From Here as opposed to the direction she's looking in. /facepalm

sstingray he could always come back :v

keyofshadows Imagine Fen trying to convince Leo to distract his daughter from the weirdo she's currently 'retraining'. For her own good, of course, not his nerves. /dies

sstingray leo is like whoa that is none of my business dude. slowly backs away.

keyofshadows Az is just smirking. Ha ha dad. But hey, nice to see you Leo, still eating sandwiches out of that toolbelt of yours? Somebody made rice krispy treats if he wants any.

sstingray great now that he gets to see her again, yes, and y e s where can find them?!

keyofshadows lol. Just opens a Light corridor and hands him a whole plateful.

sstingray !!! did he ever tell her he loves her cause he totally does

keyofshadows OH GOOD WAY TO START OFF THE AWKWARD BLUSHING LEO THANKS

sstingray thumbs up!!

keyofshadows Fen's trying not to applaud. Go away, you, quit trying to influence things. His wife would swat him.

[automatismoateo]

My theology teacher failed me because she didn't like my truthful answers on the semester exam via /r/atheism

Submitted May 23, 2019 at 11:00PM by -SENDHELP- (Via reddit http://bit.ly/2WmPacH) My theology teacher failed me because she didn't like my truthful answers on the semester exam

This is going to be a LONG post, guys. It's pretty juicy tho. Names and stuff replaced with [REMOVED] for privacy.

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My theology teacher emailed my parents and principal (sadly, I go to a private, Catholic school) and these are the contents of the email. I was pretty blunt, to be fair, but she wanted honesty and to be fair, the 9th commandment is to not lie, so what does she want me to do, bReAk tHe NiNtH cOmMaNdMeNt?

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Mr. and Mrs. [REMOVED], I am writing you let you know that [REMOVED] made a 62.5 out of a 100 on his Theology exam, however, he could have passed had he answered his essay questions appropriately.  I know you would want to know that on the exam, students were asked to write three 500 word essays about different aspects of faith and Scripture based on concepts taught in this class.  Instead, [REMOVED] chose to write a 1500 word essay stating his opinions against every aspect of faith and Scripture that I have taught, including comparing the Bible to a book about "Mr. Rainbow Fish."  While I believe students are entitled to an opinion, I feel he has taken this too far and in a manner that is disrespectful and somewhat defiant.  I have made [REMOVED] aware, and I hope this will allow an opportunity for discussion at home.  I appreciate you support and encouragement.  Please let me know if you would like to discuss this further.   Here is the first essay that he wrote: The following should include a well-formed essay which includes at least 500 words about God's love for us as told through Scripture.  Answer all of the below questions in your essay.  The Bible is often referred to as "a love story from God."        (a)  What do we learn about real love, sacrificial love from Scripture.  Use specific examples.         (b)  How do we know we can trust the words in Scripture?  Weren't these men just fishermen?       (c)  Retell the story of Salvation History in your own words.  Your Answer:"Before writing this, I would like to make it clear that I am going to answer this question from an atheist's point of view. It is the last day in your class, and I figured at this point I might as well be completely honest about what I think about Christianity and the Bible etcetera. You probably want a certain answer, but I am going to answer honestly and with my own opinions.

A: Reading through the Bible, I do not see very many examples of true love. God apparently loves all of his creations equally, but he is perfectly fine kicking regular people out of their homes to make room for someone that he "equally" loves to move in. By this I am talking about when the Jews finished wandering in the desert for 40 years and God kicked the people living in the promised land already out. Also, let's talk about God making his people that he loves (more, apparently) walk in the desert for 40 years. In class, I've heard it explained that he did this in order to remove their egyptian ideals and gods and stuff from them so that they would trust him. He's omnipotent and omniscient, yes? He can always create the best situation possible with the least amount of harm to his creations that he loves, yes? Then why did force his people to wander in a desert for 40 years and basically just kill off (with old age) all of the ones that remembered things about egypt and still thought that thosegods might be real? Why couldn't he just wipe their memories, or something? He's God. He can do it. I've heard the excuse that it removes their free will, too. I don't believe that. If that's removing their free will, then forcing them to wander in the desert instead of letting them make their own decisions and forcing them to live in the "promised land" instead of letting them make their own decisions is removal of free will, too- much more so, in fact. There are endless situations just like this one in the Bible that make me doubt that God knows much about real love.

B: That's the thing actually. You can't trust the word in scripture. "well that's stupid, of course we can! It was written by God!" is probably what your immediate response to that statement was. That's the thing though: how do you know that it was God/ the holy spirit that inspired it? "Because it says so in the Bible" Is probably your answer for that one. Basically, this means that you read a book, the book says that it was written by God, therefore God wrote it and everything in it is undeniably true. Let's try a hypothetical situation, shall we? An archaeologist 2000 years in the future finds a book inside of a house that he dug up. He sees that it is titles "Mr. Rainbow Fish's Undeniable Guide to Get to the True Fish Tank" and opens it up to read it. He reads everything in it, the story of Mr. Rainbow Fish, what he did for his people, and what the archaeologist himselfhas to to in order to get to the True Fish Tank. The book also states that it was written by Mr. Rainbow Fish. The archaeologist sees this and thinks "everything in there must be true! Fish really must be intelligent and created people to be like guinea pigs in an experiment on earth! We have to worship the fish otherwise we won't find our way to the True Fish Tank!" He goes back home and tells all of his friends. Every single time he gets told that he can't trust what's written in it and it doesn't make sense anyways. His response is usually something like "Of course I can! It was written by Mr. Rainbow Fish!" His friends always ask him, "how do you know that Mr. rainbow Fish actually wrote it though?" and the response is always "because it says so right there in the book!" Do you see the similarities between the Bible and "Mr. Rainbow Fish's Undeniable Guide to Get to the True Fish Tank?" They're scarily similar. Moral of the story? Don't believe everything that you read. Things that affect your entire life and that you base your whole existence off of actually need proof. 

C: Salvation history. I'm guessing that you mean the whole Jesus thing, by this. Here's my retelling of it and (afterwards) an explanation about it: God saw Mary, a human, who was perfect because he made her this way (which apparently didn't affect her free will.) He sends an angel to approach her and tell her what is essentially, "My boss wants you to have his baby and there isn't really anything that you can do about it." (which apparently didn't affect her free will either) Mary basically has to agree to this happening, and gives birth to Jesus, who was father by Himself, who was ordered to Father Himself by the other Himself. I'm talking about the holy trinity, if it wasn't obvious. Jesus wanders around for a while, being human, growing up, and eventually gets older and starts a whole preaching thing. He gains a lot of followers, spreads a pretty decent message (even in my own opinion) and generally is a cool dude. Eventually though, because other people (the Jews of the time) were so wrapped up in their own religious values, they decided that it was perfectly morally right to murder someone because they said a few words that they didn't like ("I am God") or didn't relax on the sabbath. To me, neither of these things is worth murder, like, at all. But they did it anyway, and basically Jesus died for our sins, rose again, apostles spread the word, etcetera etcetera. Christians are all super thankful that he did that stuff for them, sacrificing his life and all. Except there are some serious issues with that. First of all, he didn't sacrifice his life. He was only planning on staying on Earth for a good 30 years or so anyways Even though he did die on the cross, he basically just took a 3 day long nap. Sure, it hurt being on the cross, but to him, a literal timelesscosmic being that created the universe, it was nothing and not even any real amount of time. It wasn't a sacrifice, it was just a show to make himself look good. There was no real need for Jesus to die on the cross anyways! God is all powerful, all knowing, and all other stuff etcetera. There was no actual reason for Jesus to have died on the cross when God was perfectly capable of essentially (for lack of a better metaphor) pulling a Thanos and snapping our sins away, then popping up in front of everyone globally at the same time and saying something along the lines of "Yo, dudes. I'm God, nice to meet you. I just saved your life because I removed your sins, and also you can stay with me in heaven forever and have fun and stuff. Cool, right?" It probably would have worked much better than trusting literally the most important message in the world to a few dudes who ran around the middle east trying to convince people that they weren't crazy. That leads me to my next can of worms. If the message was so important? Why just leave, like, literally every single thing that ever happened in the Bible in just the middle east? What about the other continents around the earth? What about even just the same continent but in other parts of it? According to the Bible (the church sort of says differently now, but the Bible also says you aren't allowed to give interpretive meaning- everything is literal and unchanging) those who don't worship God go to hell, even if they were unlucky enough to ever find out about him. What about the people below northern africa? What about Europe pre-Christianity-spreading-there? What about the aborigines? What about east Asian empires? What about native north americans? The list goes on and on and on. God condemned all of these people to suffer in hell for eternity just because he decided he didn't want to spread his message anywhere but the middle east.That's all for that one." *In his second essay, he refers to God as "selfish" and faith as being "all fake."  See below: The following should include a well-formed essay (which includes at least 500 words) about the early church comparing or contrasting it with your church today.  Answer all of the below questions in your essay.  (a) Why was the Temple important to the Jerusalem community after the exile? Give some of specific examples of how we know this. (b) What is the importance of worship spaces today?  Describe your church or a church where you have visited.  In what ways could you tell that this worship space is important to you or to the community.  (c) How might looking to "other gods" in our culture result in a spiritual exile from God?  How can our church building and church community help strengthen our spiritual identity?Your Answer:I've already written almost 1500 words and am tired of writing, so I'm just going to keep it simple here even if you take points off for it. Besides, these aren't as interesting to answer as the previous question anyways.

A: It was so important to them because it was a central unifying force for the Jewish people. They rebuilt it for the same reason that they stopped worshipping all of their other gods and limited it to just Yahweh (not even his wife!) You might not believe me, but look it up, it's a real thing. There is legitimate historical proof that "God" was only one of many ancient Jewish gods.

B: It's pretty much the same thing. It unifies people of said religion and is also basically a big advertisement for the religion. I don't go to church, but I've visited many and used to be forced to go to one. They all follow the same format- pews, altar, everything on it, etcetera. They were never important to me, but it was important to the people that went because it was pretty much their whole life. Even if (my personal opinion) they're wrong and it's all fake, it still matters to them.

C: God is selfish (aside from being perfect and all) and doesn't like when your life does anything but revolve completely around him (isn't that a pretty good example of limiting your free will? lol) so he will "exile" you. I can't answer that question as I don't believe in spirits, souls, etc. The answer you probably want is something like "come together, blah blah blah, etc etc"

Edit: parents are home, we haven't talked about it yet.

[calvinlepesh]

yes here you go

  Workcrew immediately for incompletion of the run is common for new kids and previous strugglers. Workcrew is named so because it makes u do nothing because u cant do something so instead of WORKing on something because u suck at that you literally work doing nothing. You have to work to keep yourself entertained. Work to keep yourself from going insane looking at that orange peel textured wall. Yikes. work to not fucking freeze too jesus fucking christ fuck whoever controlled the thermostat. just saying. Sure they didnt know or didnt care but fuck them for that. anyway. After the run you come inside go back to ur room if ur not on workcrew you chill for a few minutes while the chef is done cooking for the entire facility. Obvisouly being on wprl crew You dont eat whatever everyone else eats they work they get reward u no work no reward. oats and water and those fucking goddamn apples. fuck They're probably eating some kickass breakfest burrito or A nice blue berry muffin with yogurt. actually I know and still know the food schedule for breakfest and lunch for everyday of the week. It hardly change and very slightly if ever. So i knew what I could've been eating worst part about it is they eat literally inches from you. Your back facing them listening to them eat and salvate smelling all the condiments and fresh bacon. Waiting patiently for all the other students to finish their meals and wash their dishwear and go to their rooms only after do they. Give you your W/C meal. Oats and water fuck me. The worst part about it was after awhile I got so skinny that parker had me start eating a bowl of oatmeal with every meal this is when i was doing decently well but still being full of shit just not as much. But the worst part was I got 2 bowls of it while all other w/c got 1 And i started to even like it. Almost as if my taste buds had adapted over awhile to enjoy the oats. fuck those apples tho sometimes they were a 3 out of 10. best compliment I can give there sorry not sorry. anyway eat ur meal. its time for group. Group is when the entire facility all families and w/c and parker the director sit down commonly in a circle with parker in a chair and the students on the floor but before I left They had been consistently all in the life timechairs except parker who stood at the front of the main room with the students in a movie theatur like fashion without the leveled tiers obviously. but in order of w/c to family 1-5 so work crew being at the very front right feet from parker. During group we would review issues regarding anything and i mean anything wrong with the facility or the students and staff inside of it. It is encouraged and heavily peer supported to tell on each other and to work on themselves and not let anybody even other students or roomates get in your way. WORK ON YOURSELF by Sourrounding yourself with people on the same mission as you and who do the things to suggest they are going to continue to stay on that mission was a huge message that was pushed in a variety of ways at liahona. through team building exercises, group discussion and definitely confrontation. It is common for students to lash out when they're new. Probably cause they're from California and think these motherfuckers cant do shit to me im a minor. Think again, welcome to Southern buttfuck nowhere Literally sand mountains mars-looking Hurricane Utah. Body slam ur bitchass for acing outta line. Talking back blatent disrespect and obviously anything suggesting possilbe physical or verbal outbreak resulted in a restaint. Most staff would warn u like chill out orim gonna put u on the ground. And you'd get in trouble just for that. Sometimes even a little more secretly I think for not following through. but maybe not considering its a change in behavior. im sure it could be situational. Regardless. back to the story. group typically lasted an hour or so sometimes would watch a documentary afterwards sometimes even a movie however those became quite rare as the students or cycle in. Called generations of students. I was the last of my generation for a good amount of time towards the end of my stay at liahona. Depressing very much so. Watching people who go there a year after u graduate before you. U began to believe those insecurities more and more. and if you have struggle throughout your life with putting negative energy in the universe in the form of speech by conversion of energy to your body which is apart of the universe. i know alittle hard to follow but bear with me and try your best. After group you'd either get on or off of work crew based on how well u did at nothing and the little something u do such as workouts the morning run how u address staff members how even how frequent you use the bathroom to see if ur trying to get up. What was cool at Liahona was doing what you were told. being obiedient at all times immediately and when you do fuck up take the mistake and turn it into success instead of letting it slow you down as a failure. With such a poor mindset at Liahona especially towards the middle of my stay. I stayed at level 1 for 16 months. Probably a record not really a bragging thing tho. The point is I sucked at being a normal ass human. Full of attitude and was disobiedent with little to no respect given off the bat to any adult. Like I was the shit... When you're the shit you don't have the same problems that people who arent the shit have correct. So tying all the way back to the hospital metaphor with my secret broken leg. Honestly was probably secret to me as receiving the injuries throughout critical young developmental stages. I had alot of problems being honest because I was the shit and the shit wasnt supposed to be doing all this disgusting and sad. self demeaning outragous nasty stuff. thats all im gonna say. currently. im not ready to open up about my full past for i feel currently it lays at rest where it belongs until decieded otherwise by me. Now.. where were me. I was the shit. after coming out with stuff half assed in anattempt to still look kinda like the shit. they caught me on my bullshit and I spilled the beans. No longer was I the shit. I was shit. They broke me down emotionally. Making me write my story over and over again my entire life all the things I had ever done wrong. Each time I either came out with something new or changed something becasue everything I told my therapist was true but skewed and I lost track of my story. I had fucked myself and they gave me the rope to do it because they wanted me to earn my coniquences no have them given to me based on a hunch. I fucked myself. and unfortunately it was just he beginning for my emotional workouts. For the next two years. I trecked on. Fast forward july 2016 Im level 4 shadowing a new student with a level 3. us three since we are shadowing can talk in the room about rules only and how to teach them. while having our responsibilities with the quote aswell. at this point I could memorize anything. Memorized some crazy shit honestly wish that the content of the quote was more useful in a sense of remembering important things. or things that are commonly remembered by some idk. the point is we were aloud to talk about rules only. this didnt stay over time after me doing well getting to level fucking 4 this was huge for me and I had gotten comfortable and complacent in my position halting any further actions towards bettering myself everyday. exactly what they don't want you to do. We ended up flying our shadow solo which means hes a level one and we cant talk to him anymore and its cbo. basically hes in the big leagues now. But the level 3 and the other roommate who wasnt aloud to talk but was in the room while we shadowed the new student literally everyday for a month or two. And we all started breaking CBO together. basically we literally talked. about any and everything. Eventually getting comfortable doing that after a week or so couldnt have been too much longer than a week or two before guess who our same shadowed new student turns us in... Just like we had taught him to do. He was rewarded heavily. This was 1 july 2016. the 4th was parkers fav holiday does a shit ton of fun shit for everybody and everybody can talk water balloon fights watermelon eating contest hot dogs play basketball freely. fucking board games bro straight up. I had been at Liahona at this time for 2 about to be 3 Fourth of julys at Liahona and they just got better and better problem was I spent all 3 on work crew. top that off I spent all of July and into August on workcrew. It started off as suicide watch run risk and do nothing. literally as worse at it got. You can use the bathroom and sit in this chair. and you can sleep on this mattress with the fans and AC on with no blankets or pillows. So It stayed like that for  a week. Miserable completely miserable. I had finally started doing well got to level fucking four and im on work crew do nothing sui watch run risk and Ive been here for two years sleeping in the commons with no blanket or pillows shivering. Ill still never forget that day parker said I could choose to have a blanket or a pillow. FUCK U THINK? blanket. ez. I was literally giggling with joy that night under its warmth. That whole month slowly and slowly got increasingly easier on work crew and I didnt know why I was even still on It'd been a fucking month this was august 1st. The next day august 2nd 2016 Parker comes in and tells me im finally leaving. This was a really big day for me and brings to me currently some very strong emotions of relief and regret. For I hadn't completely wasted my time at Liahona but then again I typically in the past back then never completed anything. And honestly that is one of my bullshit things that I say to myself. and still have some belief in for good reason to gain perspective from it. Because unfortunately there are things in this world that are bad but also true. Thats just the way things work. There is good in bad and bad in good always. It may be hard to find or the pros out weigh the cons or vice versa. I see the bad, me not taking very good advantage at all of what Liahona had to offer for me at all times. However still gaining from it which is good aswell of course. But the bad being I did waste alot of my time. Now am I completely to blame for the duration of my time there. Yes because I made the decisions that led to me having to be there longer. honestly cause I needed to be there longer. Maybe a slight tiny bit of blame on my father for neglect to anextent of course when it came to life rules and making sure I know and remember them. But at the end of the day I kept myself on the wall and I have taken responsibility and if I havent i will now. I fucked up at liahona and I caused myself to be there for aslong as I was obviously not intentionally but for some reason. Cause I hated myself and nobody felt bad for me. I nolonger desire that attention. Because I know that If that attention is given to me in the quantity desired and by the form of attention inwhich idesired. Would inturn keep me immature as im hiding and nesting away from my feelings rather than pour them out and release the hate and sadness because its no good. it does no good besides grant perspective both to yourself and others. I never brag about giving to the homeless. Truly the reason I bring it up is because I may not have been homeless for very long or hadn't been homeless without atleast a couch or a garage to sleep in. But after enduring just that water down verison of being homeless. I know they need that damn money more than I do. Im not going to be unreasonable and give him everything I have on my card. but typically I give them at the minimum a cig if they want one and a conversation just cause people need to talk to people. whether they're drunk or not sad or happy talking turns our feelings into reality based on what you desire long term and short term almost combined in a way. You can switch up long term desires such as careers and lifestyles however it is not recommended. However also if you are still in a somewhat content mindset settling for like85 percent full on ur content scale. And this is what you need a little change up. Then by all means switch but keep the short term desires because those need to work first. Before you even decide what you want from life and ur existance ask yourself am I happy? If you are not atleast somewhat content with who you are an individual currently. You need to follow what I told you earlier. You need to dig deep in your heart and soul and mind. Focus on the center of your chest. thats where i feel my soul communicate to me. And i search it with my mind sending inquizitive thoughts to it for its response. Your body is a rosetta stone in a way for literal human communication (speech) and the vibrations of the universe. And vice versa. your body picks up things from the universe and world that it tells u. Maybe gut feelings? Hunches? A strong feeling for no reason??? EVERYTHING HAS A REASON. And if it isn't this than prove it to me. It proves itself and you can try it for yourself. Find contentment in your preplanned manifestation that we call "The Universe" by recognizing both your current insignificance in the real world possibly currently or maybe never; never in your mind atleast. But also your significance in how much control you have just because of what fucking species you are and all the things you can learn. Know you have significance because this is your world and you already chose how your life is going to end. What will last for you what won't. Because somebody (you u idiot) set it up to happen that way. Say you think im full of shit and just crazy. Let me ask you.... Lets just say for shits and giggles then, that you are God/ superior being so to speak. And you created everything we have ever known. Planets, plants, rocks .people communication, every conversation. EVERY FUCKING EVERYTHING WAS MADE BY YOU. so with that in mind given that and the vast amount of knowledge that comes with some power.literally unimaginable because we cant EVEN FUCKING COMPREHEND it.  ie You as God know that all good must have evil. So you realize large world thats actually rather small in comparison to alot of other fucking planets. Maybe it makes some people feel inferior maybe it turns people towards hate. But you decieded we're going to make a little safe haven whenthis random motherfucker wants to see if the world is flat. Killed all the indians. negative. USA positive. Rev war possibly hardcore karma for killing indians unlikely but it always is anyways. we win rev war Now we are free. Put Lepesh in free nation in 1999. He reconizes the power of the mind body and soul combined in the trinity. And wants to spread the message that you too can be happy. the suffering can end. Ive been diagonosed with depression add adhd odd ocd ptsd abcd u fucking name it. And they made a killing off of my parents. Granted I was a very problematic child so they started taking me in at a young age. over time with people telling me whats wrong with me. Yeah ima tell them to fuck off cause Im living the life i want to live. I may not know the consiquences are for me choosing to live like such. But I will and When I do I will weild that power given to me in knowledge and spread to you my wisdom. Speech isnt the only way to manifest things into your reality. Any human contact that can be described by and spoken with our apparently primitive words of any language. YOU MUST MEAN HOW YOU FEEL  Currently this is my world and universe because I value very few things about myself in the grand scheme of everything. Given that wouldn't I want the one thing I value a great deal to succeed and fulfill his dreams and have a goodass life? So thats what this mindset program will do. Others will use it becuase their kids are driving them up the walls and they just can't do it anymore. They're about to throw in the towel and don't know what to do anymore. Maybe its for somebody looking for love and they need to realize that u literally must love urself first. You cannot give what you donot already have. Unless you promiss to give which is an entire other problem in itself given that you can never give the love you want to give because you must find it for yourself by dedicating large amounts of time to yourself over time which you cannot do if ur constantly giving your feeling of infatuation and potential 'promise love' IE I promise you one day Ill love you but right now I cant cause I dont love myself. But I promise I will love myself but u wont. U simply wont. Until you learn your worth which by the fucking way bro. straight the fukc up listen. By the way. you decide your worth. The way you decide to change your worth is by finding the opposing core belief about urself the angelic side the white fluffy this is who I truly am side. The I wanna die fuck everything not even worth it this world isnt worth bringing anybody into is bullshit. However nesscessary for a short period for perspective and experiential sake. Bullshit. You manifested bullshit told to you over time in different ways. almost like taking pieces of gum out from underneath tables accorss every resturant you go through for example ur entire life. making a big ball of gross bullshit told to you in the forms of verbal abuse sexual physical. just bullshit. Best thing about bullshit is that it is always bad. The only good in the bad of bullshit is that it give great perspective and it helps this rant lol. Anyways, Realize that angelic force you hold and listen to your mind and heart tell you what you already know. and put it into action by reminding yourself about it as much as possible until its all you really think about. You'll notice key changes in yourself. Keep in mind these some of these effects happened immediately some over time some after forgetting my worth some during forgetting my worth.For myself after finding myself again focusing on the bullshit that isnt true. Radical difference in hesitation to speak to people. and to even what im going to speak. I used to care about everything and project that I care about nothing. It was fucking stupid sad and pretty pathetic actually. very sad now that I think about it. Pretending almost in a way. Sag my pants wear dark and almost shady clothing. ears pierced, quit sports, smoke weed, everything to say I don't give a fuck about anything at all ever and never will. I did it and said it. Of course with periods of absolute disbelief and saddness for I knew the whole time I was living a bullshit fabricated lie that directly stemmed from my self esteem issues and uncertainty in myself and the universe. Im very grateful for my current state of being however unsober. very very helpful and a clear message from myself that I believe I know what I need to do. Or what I want to do. But how? Im not worried about why because Its impossible and highly unlikely that the reason presents itself so early. And so it has before but many a few times and such a long time inbetween instances its almost radical to gamble on such things. Might aswell waste my time doing jack shit sitting on the fucking wall for no reason. Im going to end this in the same fashion I started it to an extent. Unexpected and unrehearsed and will summarize in steps how use this Mindset Program I designed to help those capable enough to over come depression and treat general unhappiness with the combined power of your heart mind and soul. Idk but i wasnt specifically planning on making a book for financial gain although it was a large contributing factor. and I as I sit here and think about what I typed it doesn't matter. Because regardless of what happens I wanted it to so it will in the exact way I want it to effect me. if at all idk if i will lol. Crazy man lifes a trip. I need money and i dont deserve it but I can say confidently currently right this moment I would spend my money according to what I desire in the long term. And it would help me start that journey so I may learn more. and continue to better myself as an individual everyday. or  at the very least do something that shows im a good person. In this world you have to keep your guard up not always but typically a great majority of the time. Given that, it's not hard to see why nobody trusts anybody on anything anymore. For a long time and still to this day a vast majority of humans have and will continue to act good but do bad consistently. They have simply been worshiping there bullshit thoughts. The best thing you can do for such a person who has potentially lost all hope. Or is on that path or near the end of it. Let that person know you love them. Only do so if you mean what you say tho. If you mean the words and they are looking at you when you say it. They will straight the fuck up feel your love. Might not be a fucking serotonin shot but its a little love that they will feel and remind them. Its never too late to change your mindset and find empathy for yourself and the world. Here are the current Finalized step by step instructions on how to use my newly developed highly successful Mindset Program. Guarenteeed to bring about contentment and feelings of joy to those who complete and follow these steps completely... 1.)FIRST OFF DO NOT READ THIS SHIT IF YOU AREN'T OPEN-MINDED OR YOU'LL NEVER HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN IT AGAIN, WAIT UNTIL YOU GET YOURSELF ATLEAST SOMEWHAT UNDERCONTROL.2.)EMPATHY Either Already have or Develop a very hardcore understanding and knowledge of empathy by having gratitude through perspective that you must gain. Gaining perspective can happen in a number of ways. The misfortunate are a great way to lead you to happiness. By giving away your money need it or not. who needs it more. and what are they spending it on. If you were homeless outside in january wouldnt you want to be drunk? you were gonna buy a steak and lobster dinner that night anyway even if you didnt have the 10$ cash you gave to Michael by the dumpster. That inturn puts you indebt in a way to the universe. Almost saying this guy will get something good from this at some point in his life. Could be your friend buying your next meal or an invitation to a crazy party. who knows and who knows when its going to happen. we don't the beauty of it is that you know its coming in some shape or form. infact it might have already paid its debt by making you feel better when you did it???? Put yourself in less fortunate peoples shoes. Take acid as much as you can within reason obviously you don't wanna end up fried as fuck. But definitely trip balls man go learn about yourself and the world. Acid is a key to more knowledge. You swim in it but its like trying to bring water (the knowledge) with you when you get out of the pool. You can never even get close to obtaining all of that knowledge. I just needed enough to know that my life isn't completely fucking worthless cause I truly can control my life and you can control yours. Is so empowering to see it happen first hand. To see success finally coming and showing itself after all this time. The worst part is I knew all of this shit long ago. I was told this stuff in Liahona and They knew we didn't fully get it yet. Now I get it. Finally. wtf. I can control my own life.3.)SEARCH YOUR SOUL WITH YOUR MIND. Literally ask yourself questions like a literal one sided conversation. Ask yourself. What do I desire in my life most? For me? Wife car house maybe a farm cat dog fucking dont care whatever she wants the house to look like. two cars actually. I want a boat. and a stable well paying job and some kickass kids. When do I want it to happen. I decided that before I was here. Because I was apart of the aliens maybe idk lol just a thought. Maybe they let me choose they were like yo man this is where ur coming into this planet. they're dumb but think they're really smart and theres lots of chaos they're pretty bad animals i know its a bad gig to send you into but if you like what you can make happen go for it. I wouldn't come into this world unless I knew that things would work out for me at some point. and idk if today is the day but ive realized again what I had already realized but soon forgotten about over a month after. Either from complacentcey or just down right bad memory. Either way I forgot the path and Now I am back.4.)YOU ARE LOOKING FOR THE GOOD IN THE BAD AND THE BAD IN THE GOOD For example, for me my bads are so seldom compared to what some people across the universe go through on a daily basis. I have it so good already. Now compared to the rest of my country.. yeah Im not doing very well financially or on some of the selfs. I have the mental capcity and emotional knowledge and strength currently developed from years of deep depression and sadness. Drug abuse and wanting to be numb. Wanting to die or hurt myself. Here I am reconizing the bad in my life the symptoms of listening and believing other peoples bullshit. Reconizing that the bullshit isnt true and was never true. sometimes reconizing a genreal date that you remember yourself starting to believe what people bullshit to you about yourself. Maybe you remember how you felt about yourself before someone called you fat or ugly or hurt u in some way. Remember previous relationships that have cut u deep over time and may even hurt a bit to think about. Remember the fighting and bullshit. But most importantly remember the good times. Ive caught myself many times forgetting the numerous good times had with previous loved ones in almost a desperate attempt to save yourself. Its a protection tactic that completely stops any and all emotional grow. The only way you get stronger is if you do the work. Just like at the gym the only way you get a ripped ass chest or a 6 pack is by doing the fucking work and lifting it. There is no short cut that is worthwhile longterm. Roids give you boobs and shrink ur balls now ur shot on the kids Idea cause u tried to take a shortcut. Same with emotions. using heroin was a big thing for me for awhile i was at a point where I knew it was stopping me from growing emotionally. Because it doesn't allow you to feel anything. you feel numb you don t care. when I took heroin I felt like I really was who I said I was. I overdosed a few months ago and died onheroin. started using again a couple days later. I stopping in November and id be lying if I said it wasnt brutal. so sure I tried to numb the pain with other things. Alcohol is a big one coke, meth, lots and lots of weed, anything that would or could alter my mind besides heroin is what Ive been doing.  Now none of these things are beneficial in the long term except for weed and acid maybe coke if the universe allows it. The opportunity that you desire would not present itself to you without you first creating the desire. I have a desire for drugs. So I have drugs. But Im at the very least smart enough to realize that heroin is if not a complete block of emotions pretty damn fucking close to it. which allows for significantly less emotion growth through the actual feeling of your feelings and emotions. Another big thing that can help is talking about what you discovered about yourself all the bullshit you believed and the statements you have in place to replace them. My previous statement for example Im a fucking loser thats never going to amount to shit. My angelic statement, I've made many mistake and failures in my life at a young age that I wouldn't trade for the world for they have development me into me. You've made it this far havent you?5.) USE YOUR TRINITY TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE STARTING BY FINDING WHAT WORKS FOR YOU TO HAVE A CONSTANT REMINDER. Basically this means find a way to take your new angelic statement created from the good inside the bad and either associate that statement to whatever you see best fit. For example. I have an alarm in the morning that reads! Choose to be happy! with some other notes aswell. And I read that I think to myself. Its a choice. I can use my mind to change my reality over time based on how I feel. I DONT HAVE TO BE SAD ANYMORE BECAUSE I HAVE THE DESIRES IN MY LIFE THAT PULL ME TOWARDS THEM THROUGH MY DECISIONS AND ACTIONS CURRENTLY.

[andinarcadiai]

Magick without tears liveblog

Letter A, Letter B

Onwards to Letter C! 

I am arranging to send you the official papers connected with the O.T.O., but the idea that you should meet other members first is quite impossible. Even after affiliation, you would not meet anyone unless it were necessary for you to work in cooperation with them. I am afraid you have still got the idea that the Great Work is a tea-party. Contact with other students only means that you criticise their hats, and then their morals; and I am not going to encourage this.

But what if they can explain it better than you? What if progress moves faster with multiple people working toward the same goal? What if a free exchange of ideas with other like-minded people sparks an insight? What if she could use the help?

Also, who gives a shit about their hats?

Your work is not anybody else's; and undirected chatter is the worst poisonous element in human society.

So direct it, you idiot! Have classes & meetings focusing on particular topics! Ya know, like school!

The Great Work is the uniting of opposites. It may mean the uniting of the soul with God, of the microcosm with the macrocosm, of the female with the male, of the ego with the non-ego—or what not.

Ok, good. This is actual solid theory! I’m going to side-eye his female vs male thing in regards to trans/non-binary/genderfluid folk, but he hasn’t necessarily said anything hugely insulting yet, so letting it go, but...

By "love under will" one refers to the fact that the method in every case is love, by which is meant the uniting of opposites as above stated, such as hydrogen and chlorine, sodium and oxygen, and so on. Any reaction whatever, any phenomenon, is a phenomenon of "love", as you will understand when I come to explain to you the meaning of the word "Point-Event". But love has to be "under will," if it is to be properly directed. You must find your True Will, and make all your actions subservient to the one great purpose.

Oh Good! He does actually explain! ...kinda. Some of that is just science. I’m hesitant about categorizing any time two things combine as “love.” But “Point-event” has promise in that regard. I do wish he’d explain better about the True Will and great purpose he’s always on about, but maybe give it time.

Ra-Hoor is the Sun God; Tahuti is the Egyptian Mercury; Kephra is the Sun at midnight.

HA! SEE! THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULD’VE INCLUDED BEFORE!

But at least you got around to it eventually.

And he’s wrong, btw. Kephra/Khepri is Sun at morning & midday while Tum/Atum is the Sun at evening & night. Admittedly, Egyptology was still very very shitty at this point in time, so honest mistake. Still a mistake tho.

About your problems; what I have to do is to try to teach you to think clearly. You will be immensely stimulated by having all the useless trimmings stripped from your thinking apparatus. For instance, I don't think you know the first principles of logic.

So teach her, bruh! Don’t just make her feel bad about shit and then saunter on out! Also, not everyone gets taught the principles of logic (Howdy, it me!), so if you think it’s a horrible failing, go help!

You apparently take up a more or less Christian attitude, but at the same time you like very much the idea of Karma. You cannot have both.

Ok, this I like. But not from him.

He’s already smashed together Egyptian, Buddhist, Judaic, Zoroastrian, Taoist, and Islamic thought! He is so not one to talk!

But he’s got a point that mixing your metaphors and systems of belief gets... complicated real fast. Picking a paradigm and sticking with it is probably a better way to go.

This old and very good rule (which I have always kept) was really pertinent to the time when there were actual secrets. But I have published openly all the secrets. All I can do is to train you in a perfectly exoteric way.

So what’s the difference between how you teach people when everyone can know things vs when only a few people can know things? Wouldn’t you have to teach in any case? I think he just misses the secrecy and spoopyness! 


Your questions about the Spirit of the Sun, and so on, are to be answered by experience. Intellectual satisfaction is worthless. I have to bring you to a state of mind completely superior to the mechanism of the normal mind.

Oh yeah, cuz understanding something with your brain never helped anyone actually accomplish something, right?!?! Some of us have to intellectually understand things first! And way to be unspecific about the superior state of mind nonsense! 


A good deal of your letter is rather difficult to answer. You always seem to want to put the cart before the horse. Don't you see that, if I were trying to get you to do something or other, I should simply return you to the kind of answer which I thought would satisfy you, and make you happy? And this would be very easy to do because you have got no clear ideas about anything.  


You, sir, are horrendously insulting! If your student has “no clear ideas about anything” whose responsibility is it to clarify? IT’S YOURS!!!!

Plus, you tell her to go with her instincts, forget about intellectual understanding, and not think about things. Then when she asks you what to do exactly, you berate her about having no clear ideas and that you don’t want to give her just whatever answer will satisfy her!

As you say above, you cannot have both.

For one thing, you keep on using terms about whose significance we are not yet in agreement. When you talk about the "Christian path," do you believe in vicarious atonement and eternal damnation—or don't you? A great deal of the confusion that arises in all these questions, and grows constantly worse as fellow-students talk them over—the blind leading the blind—is because they have no idea of the necessity of defining their terms.

Ok, this is actually a good point. Defining your terms is actually important. Which, hopefully, means he’s going to get around to defining how he’s using “love” and “will” and all that. Because, as he himself points out, confusion becomes worse when terms go undefined.

Then again, you ask me questions like "What is purity?" that can be answered in a dozen different ways; and you must understand what is meant by a "universe of discourse." If you asked me—"Is this sample of chloride of gold a pure sample?" I can answer you. You must understand the value of precision in speech. I could go on rambling about purity and selflessness for years, and no one would be a penny the better.

She’s asking you what is purity because she wants to know how you’re defining the term, dumbass! She is, right there, doing the exact thing you warned her about in the paragraph before, and now you don’t want to actually get down to it and define your terms because “no one would be a penny the better.”

Bullshit.

This is some creepy gaslighting tactics right here! Breaking down her intelligence, telling her to define terms, then refusing to define terms! It’s despicable.

P.S.—or rather, I did not want to dictate this bit—Your ideas about the O.T.O. remind me of some women's idea of shopping. You want to maul about the stock and then walk out with a proud glad smile: NO. Do you really think that I should muster all the most distinguished people alive for your inspection and approval?

YES!!!! AND MUSTER UP THE DEAD ONES TOO!!!!! THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING!!!! BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT TEACHING IS!!!!! TELL ME WHAT THEY SAID, TELL ME HOW THEY PROVED IT, AND FUCKING CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE IT’S ALL MADE-UP BULLSHIT!!!!

The affiliation clause in our Constitution is a privilege: a courtesy to a sympathetic body. Were you not a Mason, or Co-Mason, you would have to be proposed and seconded, and then examined by savage Inquisitors; and then—probably—thrown out on to the garbage heap. Well, no, it's not as bad as that; but we certainly don't want anybody who chooses to apply. Would you do it yourself, if you were on the Committee of a Club? The O.T.O. is a serious body, engaged on a work of Cosmic scope. You should question yourself: what can I contribute?

Heck yes, I would take people who chose to apply! It proves that they care and actually want to join the damn thing! Otherwise you fill the place with people who don’t really give a shit and who don’t have a stake in anything! People who care are more motivated to work, and work hard!

Secrets. There is one exception to what I have said about publishing everything: that is, the ultimate secret of the O.T.O. This is really too dangerous to disclose; but the safeguard is that you could not use it if you knew it, unless you were an advanced Adept; and you would not be allowed to go so far unless we were satisfied that you were sincerely devoted to the Great Work. (See One Star in Sight). True, the Black Brothers could use it; but they would only destroy themselves.

Then why is it a secret, HMMMMMM?!?!?!?

Either: 1. couldn’t use it anyway (not advanced Adept) or 2. Black Brother (destroys themselves) or 3. ACTUALLY GODDAMN HELPFUL!!!!

So glad this is the end of the letter cuz I need a break from this guy for a bit!

[notthebrightestcandleintheroom]

Story time motherfuckers!(and not a happy one either)

Earlier tonight I received an email from my best friends account. The subject line said: "I love dick". The rest said: "and I hate you."

Now I personally thought this was hilarious, my best friend sends me things somewhat like that, but I've never had her say that she hates me at all. Still, I thought it was a joke, and I responded with one word. "Dude."

The email that was sent back only said "yeah", so I sent one about my butt being numb and that I felt stupid because I can't think of anything else to put on my wish list that my mom asked for because I am a difficult person to buy gifts for. The response was odd.

"I love it way more than you."

Now, at this point, I was pretty fucking sure it wasn't my bff, but I thought it could have been her current boyfriend and her trying to prank me. They're funny little shits who I have the pleasure of working with. So I sent back an honest "I... Don't???" Because I don't love dick??? I don't care about dick?

This response tho... "Why are you still sending me shit I hate to say this over email but you are seriously annoying. Like... really annoying at times. Like I've dealt with it for so long."

I was pretty fucking sure it wasn't her. I was certain she wouldn't say that... Right? Wrong. I have had these things said to me in nightmares by her and other friends and it scared me to think that she could think that after almost 14 years of friendship. However, because of these nightmares, I had a response.

"You are always welcome to say that or anything like that over email or any other means. I know I'm annoying and I also am willing to try to change should someone tell me what I am doing wrong. I'll be completely honest tho, I wish you would have said something sooner." I felt like it was a response that would encourage her to speak to me if she honestly felt that way, and to give me some pointers on how to fix this. I was fucking weeping though, and I was trying not to let my younger sister see as well. I was so mad at myself because I had tried so hard to see if this was what she really thought and HOW COULD I MISS THAT??!

When I got the next email, I actually knew it wasn't her though. "Yeah well I felt like you wouldn't be able to take it. Sorry for just leading you on all of these years. I'm glad we barely see each other."

We?? Barely?? See?? Each?? Other?? We WORK together, I am watching HER dog rn, and we are planning on living together with her bf when we find a place. So I messaged her on FB. And she freaked out with me. And we got angrier and angrier.

So I sent another email.

"It's really interesting that you think we don't see each other since we work together and are still planning on living together. 

I don't know who this is, but if you honestly think that you could fool me into thinking this was her, you've got fewer brain cells than anyone I know. 

The first email would have been something she would have sent as a joke to me. We've got a wierd sense of humor. But you obviously don't know anything about our relationship, because we've literally spoken through any problem we've had. We talk to each other about the anxieties we feel as friends, and, considering the fact that you have purposely tried to tap into that kind of fear, I'd say you don't have any worthwhile friendships.

If you want my opinion, I believe that people like you deserve to be ignored and unloved. You meddle in other people's lives and act as if you deserve to, and for that alone, I wish you a long, lonely, and painful life. If this is B(ex-bf), I wish it double. Fuck you."

I was LIVID. Ready to MURDER. Still am actually... But there were a few more replies.

"Honestly someone who just found a computer with her logged in. You sound like a good friend. Although those were harsh words, I hope you have a good life." And I was like what the fuck??!! Nope. No one random would just know about our situation here.

My last email to them was "That email is a school email. We've been out of high school since 2017, and I plan on sending them to the school. And again, should this be B, your parents would find out too. I don't screw around about my friends. Should this be someone else I know, I will be taking similar actions. I will spread this as far as I can. 

And you deserve many more harsh words. What you said matched up to fears I've had since I was 7. It's the entire reason I didn't leave L(VERY bad friend) as a friend until much too late. You are a horrible person."

I am still very fucking angry. I want everyone to know who did this, and as soon as we find out, I am going to spread this shit every where. I am going to tell everyone how this fear was stuck in my head before I was 8 and how this shithole person tried to use me to hurt a friend who has stuck with me through more than my own family. I want this person's head. I want the right persons head. any tips on how to ruin their life further once we find out who it is? Because I am willing to do almost anything that screws with them and does minimal damage to their family. Unless their family is terrible.

Let's fuck 'em up together.