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mostlysignssomeportents · 2 months ago

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Conspiratorialism as a material phenomenon

I'll be in TUCSON, AZ from November 8-10: I'm the GUEST OF HONOR at the TUSCON SCIENCE FICTION CONVENTION.

I think it behooves us to be a little skeptical of stories about AI driving people to believe wrong things and commit ugly actions. Not that I like the AI slop that is filling up our social media, but when we look at the ways that AI is harming us, slop is pretty low on the list.

The real AI harms come from the actual things that AI companies sell AI to do. There's the AI gun-detector gadgets that the credulous Mayor Eric Adams put in NYC subways, which led to 2,749 invasive searches and turned up zero guns:

https://www.cbsnews.com/newyork/news/nycs-subway-weapons-detector-pilot-program-ends/

Any time AI is used to predict crime – predictive policing, bail determinations, Child Protective Services red flags – they magnify the biases already present in these systems, and, even worse, they give this bias the veneer of scientific neutrality. This process is called "empiricism-washing," and you know you're experiencing it when you hear some variation on "it's just math, math can't be racist":

https://pluralistic.net/2020/06/23/cryptocidal-maniacs/#phrenology

When AI is used to replace customer service representatives, it systematically defrauds customers, while providing an "accountability sink" that allows the company to disclaim responsibility for the thefts:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/23/maximal-plausibility/#reverse-centaurs

When AI is used to perform high-velocity "decision support" that is supposed to inform a "human in the loop," it quickly overwhelms its human overseer, who takes on the role of "moral crumple zone," pressing the "OK" button as fast as they can. This is bad enough when the sacrificial victim is a human overseeing, say, proctoring software that accuses remote students of cheating on their tests:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/02/16/unauthorized-paper/#cheating-anticheat

But it's potentially lethal when the AI is a transcription engine that doctors have to use to feed notes to a data-hungry electronic health record system that is optimized to commit health insurance fraud by seeking out pretenses to "upcode" a patient's treatment. Those AIs are prone to inventing things the doctor never said, inserting them into the record that the doctor is supposed to review, but remember, the only reason the AI is there at all is that the doctor is being asked to do so much paperwork that they don't have time to treat their patients:

https://apnews.com/article/ai-artificial-intelligence-health-business-90020cdf5fa16c79ca2e5b6c4c9bbb14

My point is that "worrying about AI" is a zero-sum game. When we train our fire on the stuff that isn't important to the AI stock swindlers' business-plans (like creating AI slop), we should remember that the AI companies could halt all of that activity and not lose a dime in revenue. By contrast, when we focus on AI applications that do the most direct harm – policing, health, security, customer service – we also focus on the AI applications that make the most money and drive the most investment.

AI hasn't attracted hundreds of billions in investment capital because investors love AI slop. All the money pouring into the system – from investors, from customers, from easily gulled big-city mayors – is chasing things that AI is objectively very bad at and those things also cause much more harm than AI slop. If you want to be a good AI critic, you should devote the majority of your focus to these applications. Sure, they're not as visually arresting, but discrediting them is financially arresting, and that's what really matters.

All that said: AI slop is real, there is a lot of it, and just because it doesn't warrant priority over the stuff AI companies actually sell, it still has cultural significance and is worth considering.

AI slop has turned Facebook into an anaerobic lagoon of botshit, just the laziest, grossest engagement bait, much of it the product of rise-and-grind spammers who avidly consume get rich quick "courses" and then churn out a torrent of "shrimp Jesus" and fake chainsaw sculptures:

https://www.404media.co/email/1cdf7620-2e2f-4450-9cd9-e041f4f0c27f/

For poor engagement farmers in the global south chasing the fractional pennies that Facebook shells out for successful clickbait, the actual content of the slop is beside the point. These spammers aren't necessarily tuned into the psyche of the wealthy-world Facebook users who represent Meta's top monetization subjects. They're just trying everything and doubling down on anything that moves the needle, A/B splitting their way into weird, hyper-optimized, grotesque crap:

https://www.404media.co/facebook-is-being-overrun-with-stolen-ai-generated-images-that-people-think-are-real/

In other words, Facebook's AI spammers are laying out a banquet of arbitrary possibilities, like the letters on a Ouija board, and the Facebook users' clicks and engagement are a collective ideomotor response, moving the algorithm's planchette to the options that tug hardest at our collective delights (or, more often, disgusts).

So, rather than thinking of AI spammers as creating the ideological and aesthetic trends that drive millions of confused Facebook users into condemning, praising, and arguing about surreal botshit, it's more true to say that spammers are discovering these trends within their subjects' collective yearnings and terrors, and then refining them by exploring endlessly ramified variations in search of unsuspected niches.

(If you know anything about AI, this may remind you of something: a Generative Adversarial Network, in which one bot creates variations on a theme, and another bot ranks how closely the variations approach some ideal. In this case, the spammers are the generators and the Facebook users they evince reactions from are the discriminators)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generative_adversarial_network

I got to thinking about this today while reading User Mag, Taylor Lorenz's superb newsletter, and her reporting on a new AI slop trend, "My neighbor’s ridiculous reason for egging my car":

https://www.usermag.co/p/my-neighbors-ridiculous-reason-for

The "egging my car" slop consists of endless variations on a story in which the poster (generally a figure of sympathy, canonically a single mother of newborn twins) complains that her awful neighbor threw dozens of eggs at her car to punish her for parking in a way that blocked his elaborate Hallowe'en display. The text is accompanied by an AI-generated image showing a modest family car that has been absolutely plastered with broken eggs, dozens upon dozens of them.

According to Lorenz, variations on this slop are topping very large Facebook discussion forums totalling millions of users, like "Movie Character…,USA Story, Volleyball Women, Top Trends, Love Style, and God Bless." These posts link to SEO sites laden with programmatic advertising.

The funnel goes:

i. Create outrage and hence broad reach;

ii, A small percentage of those who see the post will click through to the SEO site;

iii. A small fraction of those users will click a low-quality ad;

iv. The ad will pay homeopathic sub-pennies to the spammer.

The revenue per user on this kind of scam is next to nothing, so it only works if it can get very broad reach, which is why the spam is so designed for engagement maximization. The more discussion a post generates, the more users Facebook recommends it to.

These are very effective engagement bait. Almost all AI slop gets some free engagement in the form of arguments between users who don't know they're commenting an AI scam and people hectoring them for falling for the scam. This is like the free square in the middle of a bingo card.

Beyond that, there's multivalent outrage: some users are furious about food wastage; others about the poor, victimized "mother" (some users are furious about both). Not only do users get to voice their fury at both of these imaginary sins, they can also argue with one another about whether, say, food wastage even matters when compared to the petty-minded aggression of the "perpetrator." These discussions also offer lots of opportunity for violent fantasies about the bad guy getting a comeuppance, offers to travel to the imaginary AI-generated suburb to dole out a beating, etc. All in all, the spammers behind this tedious fiction have really figured out how to rope in all kinds of users' attention.

Of course, the spammers don't get much from this. There isn't such a thing as an "attention economy." You can't use attention as a unit of account, a medium of exchange or a store of value. Attention – like everything else that you can't build an economy upon, such as cryptocurrency – must be converted to money before it has economic significance. Hence that tooth-achingly trite high-tech neologism, "monetization."

The monetization of attention is very poor, but AI is heavily subsidized or even free (for now), so the largest venture capital and private equity funds in the world are spending billions in public pension money and rich peoples' savings into CO2 plumes, GPUs, and botshit so that a bunch of hustle-culture weirdos in the Pacific Rim can make a few dollars by tricking people into clicking through engagement bait slop – twice.

The slop isn't the point of this, but the slop does have the useful function of making the collective ideomotor response visible and thus providing a peek into our hopes and fears. What does the "egging my car" slop say about the things that we're thinking about?

Lorenz cites Jamie Cohen, a media scholar at CUNY Queens, who points out that subtext of this slop is "fear and distrust in people about their neighbors." Cohen predicts that "the next trend, is going to be stranger and more violent.”

This feels right to me. The corollary of mistrusting your neighbors, of course, is trusting only yourself and your family. Or, as Margaret Thatcher liked to say, "There is no such thing as society. There are individual men and women and there are families."

We are living in the tail end of a 40 year experiment in structuring our world as though "there is no such thing as society." We've gutted our welfare net, shut down or privatized public services, all but abolished solidaristic institutions like unions.

This isn't mere aesthetics: an atomized society is far more hospitable to extreme wealth inequality than one in which we are all in it together. When your power comes from being a "wise consumer" who "votes with your wallet," then all you can do about the climate emergency is buy a different kind of car – you can't build the public transit system that will make cars obsolete.

When you "vote with your wallet" all you can do about animal cruelty and habitat loss is eat less meat. When you "vote with your wallet" all you can do about high drug prices is "shop around for a bargain." When you vote with your wallet, all you can do when your bank forecloses on your home is "choose your next lender more carefully."

Most importantly, when you vote with your wallet, you cast a ballot in an election that the people with the thickest wallets always win. No wonder those people have spent so long teaching us that we can't trust our neighbors, that there is no such thing as society, that we can't have nice things. That there is no alternative.

The commercial surveillance industry really wants you to believe that they're good at convincing people of things, because that's a good way to sell advertising. But claims of mind-control are pretty goddamned improbable – everyone who ever claimed to have managed the trick was lying, from Rasputin to MK-ULTRA:

https://pluralistic.net/HowToDestroySurveillanceCapitalism

Rather than seeing these platforms as convincing people of things, we should understand them as discovering and reinforcing the ideology that people have been driven to by material conditions. Platforms like Facebook show us to one another, let us form groups that can imperfectly fill in for the solidarity we're desperate for after 40 years of "no such thing as society."

The most interesting thing about "egging my car" slop is that it reveals that so many of us are convinced of two contradictory things: first, that everyone else is a monster who will turn on you for the pettiest of reasons; and second, that we're all the kind of people who would stick up for the victims of those monsters.

Tor Books as just published two new, free LITTLE BROTHER stories: VIGILANT, about creepy surveillance in distance education; and SPILL, about oil pipelines and indigenous landback.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/10/29/hobbesian-slop/#cui-bono

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

#pluralistic #taylor lorenz #conspiratorialism #conspiracy fantasy #mind control #a paradise built in hell #solnit #ai slop #ai #disinformation #materialism #doppelganger #naomi klein

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stxrvel · 2 years ago

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the outbreak

summary: your bruised heart and shattered mind have feelings for Bucky and you had planned to tell him very soon, however, the disastrous outcome of the last mission and a heated argument make you think the best option was to keep quiet.

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: 8k or so

warnings: implicit reference of suicidal thoughts, some suicidal accusations, maybe like get your shit together kind of stuff, a lot of bad words, angst. there's just no happy endings in this account. mentions to explosions. also, there's a plot in the plot? that kinda got there out of nowhere, but i liked the way it turned out. probably do a second part later.

note: hey! i can't believe I actually managed to get one thing done and ready to be published in one day, i think i got lucky. im still working on the next part of how to break a routine in one year but it's been a rough journey, i don't know how it would end up in the end. still hope you like this and know that feedback is really appreciated! really love reading your comments and opinions 💜

1.5, part 2!

You were static all the way back to the Complex. Your ears were still ringing from the vibrations of the bombs that exploded near you and which, by sheer luck, didn't cause your death. You couldn't look up from your clasped hands and you couldn't shake the chagrin in your chest that hadn't left you since you saw the look on Bucky Barnes' face when you were found in the rubble.

It was supposed to be a simple mission. Extraction of information, no more than five hours and you would return to the Complex. But it got complicated when you were ambushed, as if they were already expecting an Avengers team to show up in that building and they were ready for anything. You weren't supposed to face anything that day, otherwise you wouldn't have gone on the mission in the first place.

You knew you were always going to be the team's priority when they went on an extraction mission, whether it was information or people. You weren't the most skilled or the most resourceful, so the team had to keep their eyes on you and the mission objective. That in itself felt like a burden, so you always tried to just do your job and not complicate things for the others.

This time, however, you couldn't keep yourself safe, not even despite the orders given to you by the team and the mission leader: Bucky. You were casually perusing the shelves of a room where you knew the information they were looking for, which was vital to knowing the enemy you were dealing with at the moment, was to be found. You were so close to getting it that electricity surged through your limbs and little shots of adrenaline coursed through your body.

But, at that moment, Bucky's voice reached your hearing.

“Y/N, get out of there right now and meet Wanda on the first floor.”

“Hold on a second. I've almost got it.”

“I told you to get out of there right now. It wasn't a goddamn recommendation.”

“Can't you wait a second, Bucky? This is the key to everything and you know it.”

“I don't give a fuck about those documents, Y/N! Get out of there right now!”

And you should have listened to him. You should have listened to him the first time. But you always had this constant need to prove yourself, to make your time count for others and for them to notice that you were worth something. That you weren't a burden on the team. For a while the line of that goal was blurred, you didn't know if you were trying to convince them or yourself. On that occasion, you decided to make the decision to prove your worth and stay to find out what they had spent weeks focusing their time on.

“Fuck,” you heard Bucky curse. “Wanda, can you come in for-?”

The sound of a large explosion caused horrible interference on the team's communicators.

Sadly, until that moment you understood that maybe you should have listened to the team leader. Still, you held your place for a few more seconds until you found your target. But it was too late by the time the building began to shake.

It had taken the team about twenty-five minutes to find you. They didn't even know how you had survived.

“Bucky, what happened in-?”

“I'll give the mission report to Fury later,” the man cut off Steve Rogers' words, walking past him without giving him a glance, and continued on his way straight to the entrance of the Complex.

Steve turned his gaze until his eyes rested on yours. You felt like you had a lot of words stuck in your throat, a lot of overflowing feelings that you couldn't control. You just looked down again and approached him to hand over the mission objective. For which you risked your life almost without thinking. Then you walked straight back to your little room and didn't leave for the rest of the day.

---

Your friendship with Bucky was great. From the moment you joined the group, he was the person you hit it off with the fastest, surprising almost everyone on the team. Even before you got to know Bucky, even though you didn't consider yourself an outgoing person, you would tell him stories about your day and mundane things you did every day. At first you didn't even know if the man was listening to you, you just knew he was there and never left until you were done talking.

The situation wasn't so bad. You were used to talking to yourself since you started living on your own, a couple of years before you joined the team. Sometimes when Bucky came into the kitchen or appeared in the living room, you were already mumbling to yourself about something.

For a while you never knew why he stayed to listen to you.

And months went by like that. Each time you would show up wherever he was or he would show up wherever you were and you would just tell him something. A story from your childhood, a story from your grandparents' lives, a news item from around the world, an extremely strange and bizarre fun fact.

That little interaction was something you quickly got used to.

That is, until outsiders had to dip their spoon in and stick ideas that didn't belong in your head. Ideas you weren't supposed to have or even consider once. You knew it, but you learned it again the hard way.

“Have you seen Bucky today?” you asked Sam Wilson once when you walked into the kitchen.

“No,” the man quickly replied, finishing his coffee.

You pursed your lips and were already on your way back to look for him elsewhere when Sam's voice reached your ears again.

“You hit it off pretty quick with him, huh? I thought he was a tough nut to crack.”

“Don't talk about him as a thing. And it's really not that complicated to get to know him. You just have to make an effort and not push.”

“Roger that, Captain,” Sam smiled and took a sip of his coffee.

Hearing that lit a light bulb in your head.

“And have you seen Steve?”

Sam shook his head as he lowered his mug to rest it on the kitchen counter. “No. They must be together because I haven't seen them since yesterday. Maybe they went out on a mission?”

You nodded at his words, thoughtfully.

“But he didn't tell me he had to leave today…” you mumbled, but it reached Sam's ears.

“Does he usually tell you what he does in the day, too?”

You turned to look at him, distracted.

“Something like that. He only does that when I ask him to go shopping with me.”

“He goes shopping with you? Really?”

“Sure,” you quickly replied focusing all your attention on his surprised face. “It's a dangerous world for women, you know? I can't take chances.”

“Clint goes shopping once a month. You've never ordered from him?”

“No, I like to walk around the supermarkets and look at every single thing on the shelves. Clint is very fast and boring.”

“Ah, so the only person you feel comfortable with at those times is Bucky.”

You shook your head in a nod, completely unaware of what the man was trying to imply with his words.

“Natasha once accompanied me, but because she flashed the knife hidden on her hip at every man who saw us for more than five seconds, she was banned from more than seven venues and the police were almost called.”

“Mmm,” Sam nodded. “Sounds very much in keeping.”

“So yeah, that's why Bucky is my shopping buddy. Steve is very inquisitive, Tony brags every two minutes about how quick and easy he could do the market from the app on his phone, Wanda gets lost in the movie section and I can hardly ever get her out and you just don't shop because you leave it all to Clint.”

“And Bruce?”

“He leaves a list for Clint or asks FRIDAY to take note of every time he says he needs something so she can forward it to Clint.”

“Wow, who knew the Avengers were such bad shopping buddies.”

“Yeah. Bucky just walks with me, reaches for things that are too high and does his own shopping quietly. Or sometimes we chat. About shopping stuff.”

“That's very domestic of him.”

You let out a short laugh, agreeing with his description. It was something you thought about from time to time.

“Bucky is a very domestic person, actually.”

“You seem to know him well.”

“Maybe so. Only from what I can see of him by his actions.”

“He's not very active with you in talks then.”

“Not very much. But if you can get to know him well, it's easy to tell what he means just by his behaviors.”

Sam gave you a nod, his coffee on the counter long forgotten.

Then, as if his mind hadn't processed what he meant, out of his mouth came the last words you would have wanted to hear in the world.

“You two would make a good couple.”

You snapped out of your head for a moment, almost abruptly. You turned to look at him as if he had a magnet that attracted your gaze and you almost pulled a lung out of your chest from how loudly you snorted at those words. That man had lost his mind.

“What?”

“What?” Sam repeated, his brow furrowing without losing the hint of amusement it caused him to see you so flustered for saying something so mundane. “It's no secret to anyone that you're the person he spends the most time with in the entire Complex. You do a lot of things together, including shopping. Like a couple would. You know what? You already act like a couple even if it's not official.”

“You have no idea what you're talking about.”

“Oh, but I do have an idea. We all have eyes here, Y/N. It's not hard to notice the look in both of our eyes when-”

“All right, that's enough!” you exclaimed, and Sam just shrugged. “I don't want you ever hinting like that again, is that clear?”

And he didn't do it again. But you should have paid more attention when he spoke in the plural. Even though he was the first, he wasn't the only one to express his opinion freely about your friendly relationship with Bucky when you didn't ask for it. It was as if Sam unleashed a horde of unwanted comments about the normal, domestic things you did with Bucky.

It wasn't long before you began to feel uncomfortable when the two of you were in some room in the Complex with some third party who was intruding.

“Are you okay?” Bucky asked you once you were in the common room of the Complex.

You remembered turning to look at him in bewilderment as you snapped out of your cloud of thoughts. You saw him sitting next to you, a safe distance away. Like two normal friends. You were telling him a story your mother had told you about your grandmother many years ago when you felt a look on your face. You ignored it at first completely because you were too engrossed in your story and felt you didn't care if anyone else came into the room.

But then you met Clint's eyes. And everything went into a tailspin.

“Yeah. All good,” you shook your head trying to play it down, but you underestimated Bucky's knowledge of you. “Why?”

“You were quiet.”

“For less than ten seconds,” you let out a nervous laugh. In that moment you felt like a pressure cooker, your mind moving anxiously like the lid blowing the air out.

You noticed out of the corner of your eye that Bucky averted his gaze and you turned to look at him to realise that he had focused his attention on the person sitting in one of the far armchairs with a comic book in his hands. He looked so deep in concentration that his presence in the room was barely noticeable.

“Does it bother you that Clint is here?”

“What?” you exclaimed, suddenly a little louder than you should have. “No, of course not, why would it bother me?”

Bucky arched an eyebrow.

“That's what I'm trying to understand.”

His unwavering expression couldn't give you any answer as to what was going through his head. You mentally berated yourself for trying to find out something you didn't want to know, that you shouldn't even be considering.

“Even if it bothered me that Clint was here, why would that be relevant?”

The man next to you raised his eyebrows as if you'd asked the question with the most obvious answer in the world.

“Because you're uncomfortable.”

You frowned.

“Do you care that much that I'm uncomfortable?”

“Yes, because you haven't finished the story. I still don't know what happened to the chicken.”

His words left your mind blank for a few seconds. You didn't know whether to be flattered, because he seemed genuinely interested in what you were telling him, or offended because he seemed to take it only as a method of entertainment. Either way, the important thing was that you had his attention, right?

Oh, no. No, no, no.

You were suddenly annoyed to realise that your thoughts were taking the wrong turn, being fully influenced by the words Sam and the others had let out about your relationship with Bucky. You couldn't allow yourself to drift slowly into a place you didn't want to return to, because you knew well the consequences and side effects. Even though sometimes you felt you were already in that place.

You were fine with the way you were, nothing else mattered. You were fine with the way you were, nothing else mattered. You were fine just with the way you were, nothing else mattered….

“Do you want to go somewhere else?”

“You know this is the longest conversation we've ever had?”

Impulsively you changed the topic of conversation. And you knew Bucky had noticed by the way his eyes narrowed and he didn't say anything for a few seconds. You stood in silence, a small staring battle, Bucky trying to make you give in, until he let out an exhausted sigh and averted his gaze.

“It's not the longest conversation.”

“Yes, it is. You talked to me more than five times.”

Bucky let out a short disbelieving laugh, his head jerking in rhythm with the sound coming out of his mouth. You watched him carefully for the duration of the gesture, because it wasn't something that happened very often.

“I'm sure we've had longer conversations.”

“The monosyllables you answer me with at the mall don't count.”

Bucky let out a breath and his lips pressed into a thin line. It was your turn to laugh, genuinely amused. His eyes flickered up to meet yours.

“You give yourself a lot more credit than you should,” you told him after a while, when your laughter had subsided and his expression was more serene.

“Yeah, whatever,” he mumbled. “What happened to the chicken?”

Over time, you learned to manage your awkwardness so that Bucky wouldn't suspect your uncomfortable behaviour and avoid questions you didn't want to answer. Sometimes, you thought you were excellent at hiding what your body wanted to show with its language, and other times you felt that Bucky just didn't bring up the subject to avoid making you even more uncomfortable. But surely he wanted to ask.

So that was the routine you usually had. It wasn't strange for anyone to see you walking around the Complex together or going out together, and it wasn't strange for you to see everyone with knowing smiles as you passed each other.

Even though it was difficult, you felt you coped well. Always ignoring that voice in the back of your head that tried to alert you that something had happened in the feeling system. If you just ignored it, then it was nothing.

Everything was still relatively normal.

Until that damned mission where you decided not to listen to him.

It had been a week since the incident and if Bucky had looked at you at least once when you were in the same place, that was a lot to say.

Sam had tried to ask you several times what had happened on the mission and why Bucky didn't even acknowledge your presence when sometimes you were right next to him, but you were never able to answer him. You didn't want to talk about it when every time you remembered the cold look he'd given you the moment Wanda removed the chunk of concrete that had almost fallen on top of you, only being cushioned by the wall you'd stuck to before it all came crashing down. His light eyes had always felt warm, made you feel welcome to him the moment you wanted to enter, but in that instant his eyes were watching you as if he wanted you to disappear from the face of the earth.

You couldn't bear the memory. Not when you were already used to his presence and his silences; to his short laughs and mumbled answers. Not when you were already starting to feel comfortable with the ideas you were getting in your head despite trying to convince yourself otherwise; that maybe Sam and the others weren't so wrong. That maybe… they might be right.

But they were just that. Ideas. Stupid thoughts that were going around in your head to salve your poor heart.

Ever since you came back from the mission, you knew how unlikely it was that everyone else was right. The only thing they saw between the two of you, that they talked about so much, was your own feelings bouncing off all the walls that Bucky had and that he hadn't dropped at any point like you thought he had. It was only the reflection of your adoration for him in his eyes. There was never really anything about him that gave them to understand that he felt the same way you did about him, it was only the extent of your love that covered him too.

But nothing was ever really reciprocated.

And coming to that conclusion wasn't as difficult as you thought it would be.

Being hopeful wasn't your style. Although you were always cheerful and tried to put your best face to the world, you weren't one to fall easily for the words and actions of others. That's why you kept your relationship with Bucky at bay for so long, because you knew it wasn't possible for him to see you with the love you longed to give him. You were always sure. But then, and you didn't really know how you got to that point, you began to think that, if other people could see it so clearly, then suddenly it might be true. Maybe Bucky could return your feelings and then the world wasn't just black and white.

Wrong.

For a moment you allowed yourself to forget and let your defences down for that little flame of hope, even though you knew you shouldn't have, that you hadn't done it in years for something and it didn't have to be any different this time. You did, and it was a mistake.

“So, what do you say?”

You raised your head to look at Wanda's expectant face. Her raised eyebrows and the way she moved her hands in her lap gave you a hint that she was feeling nervous. She was trying to hide it, but you could also see that she was a little afraid. Her light, barely perceptible voice gave you the feeling that she was afraid of unleashing a storm with her conjectures.

“That it's crazy.”

“It's definitely crazy,” the woman in front of you sighed, her eyes drifting from your figure to her surroundings trying to deal with the weight of the revelations she'd had these past few days.

Your body leaned against the armchair behind you, and you lowered your head until you could look at the book lying on your crossed legs. You looked at the letters and frowned as you tried to understand again what it was all about.

“That could also be just a story.”

“I don't think so,” Wanda mused, then raised her head to look at you. “There's a reason these books are here.”

“Yeah, just like there's a reason for us not to be in here.”

“Then why did you follow me?”

Wanda crossed her arms under her chest, an annoyed expression taking over her face.

“I didn't think you were going to show me something like this,” you admitted, taking the book in your hands and running your eyes over the text and figures once more. “I didn't even think it was possible.”

“I told you my dreams were starting to become more accurate.”

You shook your head in a nod, your mind trying to figure out what that could mean for your friend's future. You knew it was possible that Wanda was doing her best not to see the whole horizon of negative possibilities emerging from that situation, but you were also aware of the weight she must be feeling with all those thoughts running through her head coupled with the likelihood of not having an answer. Your head schemed for a possible solution that might not be welcome.

“Why don't you go talk to Strange?”

Wanda twisted her lips, the reaction you expected.

“I get the impression that the first thing he'd do would be to lock me in his magical dungeon.”

You wanted to contradict her, but it was partly true. You knew Strange to be a man who didn't see nuance in black and white. It was only about good and bad, with no in-between. But you suggested it because he was the only person besides Wanda who knew as much about magic and sorcery as she did, even more thanks to the position he held. His methods were questionable, probably, but the range of his knowledge was something greater than either of you could question.

You closed the book and ran your fingers over the material of its cover, so stiff and dirty that you could barely even try to guess what century it was from.

“Even if what this book says is true, we don't have the original book to confirm it. We don't even know if it exists.”

“The Darkhold is real,” Wanda contradicted you almost immediately, and the certainty in her voice sent a shiver down your spine.

“What, you've seen it in dreams too?”

When Wanda averted her eyes from yours, you had to restrain the urge to hit her over the head with the book you were holding.

“Wanda!”

“I'm sorry!”

You saw her quickly get up from the floor and start walking around the place you had taken over in the library you were in. From the outside, it looked like a small room with a few shelves full of books, but the further you went in, the less it seemed like it would have any end to it. It was one of the largest rooms in the Complex. And, courtesy of Wanda, you now knew that it was the only room with another hidden room that almost ninety-five percent of the Complex staff were barred from entering. You were convinced that only the Director, Maria Hill, Tony Stark and Stephen Strange were allowed in there.

Now, how could Wanda concentrate enough energy to find and open the hidden entrance to that place? A complete mystery to you.

“The Darkhold was the first thing I saw before my dreams started getting weird. It was only a couple of weeks ago.”

“After you dreamt about it, you started having the lucid dreams?”

“Yes, it was very strange,” Wanda shook her head and stopped her feet in front of you, her expression thoughtful as if her mind was conjuring up all her dreams at once. “Sometimes I dream things where I'm sure it's me, that if I looked in a mirror I'd be sure it was me. But other times, I feel like my dream is focused on showing me someone else's memories. Like I'm inside someone else's mind… but that person is me.”

The woman looked at you, her face contracted in confusion and exhaustion.

“Why didn't you tell me this before?”

Wanda sat back down on the floor in front of you, her legs crossed and her elbows resting on her knees. You watched her run her hands over her face repeatedly before answering.

“I didn't want to worry you. I didn't want to worry anyone. At first I had thought this was too crazy for anyone to believe me, but when I came here and found that book I started to fear for myself. I didn't want to get locked up if anyone found out.”

“Don't say that. No one's going to lock you up.”

You threw the book with the stiff cover somewhere on the floor and moved from your spot to approach your friend. You didn't hesitate for a second to wrap her in your arms and squeeze her against your body.

You didn't know how you had gone so many days without noticing the tiredness in her eyes and the dark bags under her eyes. You'd been so wrapped up in your own head that you hadn't even been able to notice when something was eating away at your friend's sanity. Being one of those things… mhm, you know….

“Don't worry. You're not going to go crazy and want to rule the universe. That sounds too surreal.”

“I'd like to know if my dreams are fabrications or visions.”

You turned away from the woman, your brows furrowing at the implication of her words.

“You're not going to become what that book says.”

“But what if…?”

“No, Wanda.”

“What if it's tipping me off?”

“And who's doing it?” you inquired as you sat back on your heels, your gaze focused on your friend's obfuscated expression. “The Darkhold? Some silly alternate version of yourself from another universe? Now that's crazy!”

Wanda turned her head away and her shoulders slumped.

“That would mean my dreams are unexplained. They're just dreams.”

“Maybe that's for the best. Even the multiverse theory hasn't been proven enough for us to conjecture beyond our own reality.”

“Still, isn't it strange?”

“Of course it is. It's just too weird. I just meant that it doesn't mean you're destined to become that bizarre alter ego.”

You saw her press her lips into a line, then nod her head slightly. She didn't really look convinced, and neither were you, to be honest. Of everything she had told you, you couldn't understand half of it, and the other half you could barely believe was true. The magic was a few levels above your understanding of reality and altering it all in a few minutes was proving to be a really complicated job.

Still, seeing her anguished face at the possibility of what her dreams and that book implied, you knew you had to say something to try to calm the thoughts in her head. Even if it was something tiny that couldn't even come close to being true. You couldn't let those evil ideas fill her head and make her think she was some kind of villain when it couldn't be further from the truth.

If that was the future, it wasn't the future of the Wanda in front of you, her gaze lost and her eyes full of fear. Someone who worried like that about what might happen, even if she wasn't completely convinced of it, only thinking of the slightest possibility, couldn't have an ounce of evil in her.

“Maybe you're right-”

“What the fuck are you two doing here?”

You cringed as you heard a new voice join in the room when you hadn't even heard the footsteps of anyone approaching. Least of all from the two people who had just appeared down the same path you and Wanda had come down.

“Uhm…”

Your voice came out shaky, not at the prospect of receiving yet another punishment for being in a forbidden place for the level you were at as an agent, you'd already seen that coming, but because standing next to a very angry Tony Stark was Bucky. And he was staring at you so hard you feared he might punch a hole in your soul.

You felt Wanda's gaze on you. You turned to see her slowly, as if making any sudden movements would upset the bundle of fury in front of you. You could almost see the veins in her forehead pop.

With one glance, you knew that Wanda had no idea that the room had any kind of sensor. Even though it would make sense for it to have one, it would be illogical because it's a door hidden with magic. Normal people wouldn't notice it by looking through matter or something.

Nevertheless, it was magic that was what it was all about. Surely Strange would have some magical failsafe, kind of.

“None of you are going to respond?”

“I believe the situation responds on its own,” Wanda answered him, and Tony's dark eyes settled on her in a matter of seconds.

For a moment you thought his face had faltered, that his expression had slumped, but just as quickly you noticed, just as quickly it was gone.

Then, his gaze wandered across the floor where you stood with a number of books around you, until it settled on the book you had been reading moments before his arrival. You hadn't realised where it had fallen when you threw it when you got up to hug Wanda, but that must have been your lucky day because it was far enough away to make him think that it had only been taken out, but not opened.

Tony moved quickly to take the book in his hands and then gave you a wary look.

“Did you open this?”

As if we were going to say yes.

“No,” you replied quickly, averting your gaze from the frozen man behind Tony.

“Good.”

You watched him tuck the small, stiff book into his jacket before glancing back at the mess of books on the floor.

“Move along. Strange isn't going to be happy.”

The two men moved sideways, clearing the way for you and Wanda to exit the way you came.

Without a second's hesitation, you both got up and started walking in the direction of the exit.

“How the hell did you know where the entrance was?” Tony questioned Wanda once you were all out of the hidden room, and the aforementioned turned around to watch the door slam shut before disappearing.

"I guess I got lucky."

Tony clicked his tongue, but said nothing more. He turned on his heels to begin his walk towards the library exit followed by Bucky who clearly didn't give you a single word other than judging looks.

Wanda nudged you lightly with her body, the previous topic almost completely forgotten, with a half smile on her face. You didn't know if it was good to drop the subject so spontaneously, but you did know that you didn't want her to continue to have those thoughts running through her head.

“You haven't spoken to Bucky?”

“I'm puzzled that the subject is funny to you.”

“I'm not amused,” Wanda tried to rectify, lowering her voice as she saw that the two men in front of her had stopped at the library exit. “But I don't think he's mad at you.”

“Today is your day of the wildest theories I've ever heard, how can he possibly not be mad at me?”

Wanda sighed and watched the back of the aforementioned, who was apparently talking to Steve Rogers.

“You scared us all that day. But Bucky was… terrified. I knew you were alive, and I told him, but he wouldn't believe me until he could see it with his own eyes. He was too scared at the time. And, to be honest, I think that scare made him realise something he doesn't want to accept now. That's probably why he's staying away from you.”

You watched your friend with narrowed eyes, your body turned in her direction.

“Did you get inside his head?”

“Of course not!”

“Because that's wildly accurate, Wanda. How can you conclude something like that just by looking at someone?”

“I've had a week to do it,” the woman waved her hand in the air, downplaying the matter before resuming her walk when the men up ahead finally moved. “And I happen to be very good at reading people's body language.”

“Yeah, right.”

Wanda grunted at your tone of voice.

“I really didn't get inside his head, Y/N. I swore I wouldn't do it again and I'm keeping my word.”

“Alright, let's say I believe you,” you agreed and turned to look at her just as she rolled her eyes at your words. “That's not reason enough to talk to him.”

“And why not?” Wanda raised her voice, quizzical. “I practically gave you the answer.”

“Knowing doesn't make things any easier, woman.”

Wanda let out a whine so loud and exaggerated that several of the people walking past her frowned at her.

“The real answer is to just talk to him. Do you know how many problems are solved a year just by talking?”

You shook your head in denial. “He's avoiding me-”

“And you seem to be okay with that.”

“I'm not.”

“Then why haven't you done anything to change it yet?”

You knew she was right, but to be honest and to no one's surprise, you didn't want to deal with the confrontation and find out that what you always thought and the reason you kept yourself on edge was true. Even though it clearly was. But to have the chance to hear it come from his mouth directly? You were definitely past having that experience. You no longer doubted that his feelings for you were as non-existent as you first thought and that you should never have listened to people's words, giving yourself false hope. You didn't want to face your own mind and the fact that you got into this heart trouble on your own when you had always been so cautious. Weighing the risk of Bucky pushing so far inside your head that you knew the real darkness was reason enough to be a little content with silence.

Talking to him would solve a percentage of the situation, the professional. You would apologise another thousand times for not listening to him during the mission, you would tell him that you would do everything in your power not to react that way again, and that was it. But the other percentage of the situation would not be resolved; the percentage that involves you more than him. Even if you apologise and he accepts your apology, nothing could assure you that things would go back to the way they were before, that you would go back to being attached to each other as you have been since you met.

And that should be good, because you could finally get away from him and get all those feelings off your chest and out of your mind like you should have done in the first place to avoid the eventuality of him suddenly knowing too much about you, but at the same time you didn't want to end something that could have been so good. Even without getting romantic, your friendship with Bucky was one of the things you cherished the most, and you didn't want to make yourself forget it as if it had never happened.

“What is it that scares you?”

“That I was right all along.”

Wanda gave you her reprimanding look and paused to stare at you with that scowl on her face. You inhaled sharply and stopped in front of her, watching her expectantly.

“I'll take Tony,” she blurted out suddenly, not wiping that expression off her face.

“What?”

“I'm taking him and you better hope that when we meet again you have good news.”

“What are you talking about?”

Without answering, Wanda turned her body and walked in the direction of the three men who had stopped once again to talk. Bucky and Tony had their backs to you, but you could see the typical serious expression disappear from Steve's face to give way to surprise the moment Wanda landed in the middle of him and Tony with a big smile.

The woman shared a few words with the stunned blond, before turning to Tony and sending you a fleeting glance over the man's shoulder.

“Don't you think you're keeping Strange waiting too long?”

“How did you know that he-?”

“I didn't. But you already gave me the answer. We'd better go now.”

Following her order, Wanda curled her arm around the arm of a paralyzed Tony and started walking, waving goodbye to the others.

“Bye, Y/N! Don't stand in the middle of the hallway!”

You cringed as the gaze of the people walking past you landed on you, and gritted your teeth as you saw Steve's gaze on you. Without a bit of disguise, Steve ran his gaze over you and then over Bucky and back again as if he was having a short circuit inside his head.

You weren't too far away to notice Bucky's stiff shoulders, and you guessed he was saying goodbye to Steve when the blond turned his gaze to watch him. Seconds later, the black-haired man started to walk the way Wanda had gone with Tony, but Steve stopped him before he took any more steps away from the tense atmosphere.

“Wait,” you heard Steve's voice and flinched as you watched Bucky look down to see the Captain's hand clutch his left arm, then look up and give him a look that you knew would have chilled you from head to toe, but Steve seemed to ignore it as if it was an everyday occurrence. “Actually, since I've got you two in one place, I need to talk to you.”

You watched the blond shake his head pointing to the door next to him then walk in his direction.

You followed them from a distance and closed the door behind you. It was one of the small common rooms around the Complex. You still remembered how surprised you had been when you first arrived to see how many clear work areas they had in that place. Of course, to house and protect the peace of mind of hundreds of workers.

Bucky slumped into one of the green armchairs carelessly and Steve stood on his feet in the middle of the room.

“I spoke to Fury this morning,” the blond began, alternating his gaze between the two of you. “You'll be back on a mission next week.”

You raised your head expecting to see that Steve was referring to Bucky, but no. He was staring at you from his position.

“So soon?”

“What do I have to do with this?”

You and Bucky spoke at the same time, and you couldn't hide the pain that settled in your chest hard as you heard those were the first words you'd heard from him in seven days.

Steve pursed his lips and alternated his gaze again before speaking again.

“Fury agreed to let you go on the mission after a recon team inspects the site in case of possible attacks.”

You nodded slightly. That was a little ugly to hear, too. Just a little.

“You'll go with Clint and Bucky on the mission.”

You were expecting those words to come out of his mouth because there was no other reason to have locked them both in here. What you didn't expect (though you should have) was to see Bucky roll his eyes and drop his head on the back of the couch in the most horrible gesture of disgust and ennui you'd ever seen from him since you'd known him. During this week of being a zero to the left for the aforementioned, you'd noticed that Bucky was very expressive when he wanted someone to realise that they were strongly hated by him.

It wasn't something you wanted to know, really.

“Clint will be the backup so he'll stay inside the Quinjet flying over the structure in case of a possible attack. You and Y/N are going to enter the building and perform the extraction of one person.”

One person? That was new. You could hardly remember the last time you'd had such a mission.

“Why did he pick me?”

“I have no idea, Buck. He just gave me the order to tell you.”

“Who's the person we're supposed to extract?”

“That I don't know,” Steve replied. “Fury was very cautious with the information. Any minute now the report should reach you.”

“And you're busy?” Bucky asked again, his gaze focused solely on the blond standing in front of him.

At the time, you hated what he was doing. You understood that he didn't want to go on that mission with you because he didn't feel comfortable or just didn't want to see you, but it cost him nothing to have a little, just a little compassion enough to not try to get rid of you and that mission right in front of you as if you weren't listening to him.

“Bucky…”

Steve sighed, but the man in front of him didn't soften his expression or make any pretense of taking back his words.

“If you've got a problem with this, you should go talk it over with Fury,” the blond recommended, not answering his question directly, sending him a hard glare before turning to look at you again. “See you later.”

You nodded in his direction and the man quickly left the room.

The silence that followed was deadly.

You watched the man continue to sit in that armchair, his jaw tense, his hands clenched and his eyes fixed on the wall in front of him. He was so still he looked like a statue. It was scary.

You tried to take a tentative step in his direction, but noticing your movement roused him from his trance and he stood up quickly. He let out a sigh and walked out of the room without looking at you.

You felt a kind of courage catch in your throat when you called out to him.

“Bucky.”

“No,” the man replied almost instantly, his body near the door turning violently to stare at you and point his index finger at you. The angry look he gave you made you regret all the decisions in your life that had brought you to that moment. “I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to hear your apology. I don't want anything from you.”

With each word he moved closer to you until you had to start backing away. You were too surprised at how he had exploded just hearing you call out to him. He must have had too much pent up. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to do this at the time.

“If you want to blow off steam, talk to a fucking wall. But don't come near me or try to fix something you broke with your bare hands.”

You felt the air that entered your body freeze your lungs. His piercing eyes and angry expression shattered any willpower you had collected since Steve left the room, but it was the way his voice broke as he was finishing speaking that took the words right out of your mouth.

“You could have simply listened to me and you didn't. That's all. There is nothing you can apologise for because you yourself decided, within your will, that your life mattered nothing compared to the goal of that fucking mission.”

His eyes wouldn't leave yours and you hated the way you felt the prior sting of tears make your vision blurrier each time because you didn't want to miss a single detail of his face. He was so angry, furious, disappointed and... desperate to let you know how you had made him feel.

“And I don't know if you do, but I don't see what excuse is good enough to justify that.”

The thread of tension you felt in the air was choking you and you didn't know what to do to stop the tears from escaping your eyes. You would have expected anything but such an explosion of rage against you. It wasn't normal for Bucky to have such outbursts, and it also seemed that he knew exactly what points to make because you suddenly felt helpless in the way he was exposing his thoughts about you. Which perhaps weren't far from the truth.

“I didn't want to give you an excuse,” you were barely able to reply, at the tense look he was giving you. Your mind was working hard to avoid touching on the subject he was apparently trying to bring up.

“I don't see how that's any better.”

“I just wanted to apologise. I know I was wrong, okay? I think about it every day since we got back and I know I made a mistake. But I didn't throw my life away by just thinking about accomplishing the mission.”

Bucky let out a raw, lazy laugh without a hint of humor. You felt a shiver run through your body and it was unwelcome.

“I bet you didn't even think about the possibility of getting out alive after you heard the first explosion and that didn't matter to you.”

“It wasn't like that!” you replied instantly, raising your voice to match his, your head suddenly panicking.

“You didn't care because you were only thinking about the mission!”

“But how could we come back empty-handed, Bucky!? All that effort and time to be left with nothing!? Wasn't that worse?”

“Of course not! What the fuck makes you think we'd prefer an inconclusive fucking lead on a team member's life?”

“For God's sake, Bucky Barnes!” you roared and turned away from the man, a wave of anger coursing through your body burning away any trace of sadness you might have felt just moments ago. You knew that feeling and it wasn't welcome. You knew this argument wasn't going to end well, but seeing the look on Bucky's face you knew he wasn't just going to walk away if you asked him to.

Even though your mind was focused on avoidance, you tried to prepare yourself for the possibility that you might end up saying things you shouldn't, too.

“And don't give me any fucking shit about how you knew everything was going to be okay because I don't believe you.”

“Well don't believe me,” you exclaimed turning to look at him. “Don't believe anything that comes out of my mouth if that's what you want. That's not going to erase the fact that I do regret not listening to you and risking my life like that.”

“Lies.”

You half-opened your lips, your face contorted in disbelief. It couldn't have been that easy for him…

“I just told you-”

“And less than twenty seconds ago you said how dare I even think about coming back empty-handed, instead of thinking about how I'd come back to tell the rest of the team that you were dead.”

“But I'm not dead.”

Bucky shook his head.

“Now, you're just telling me what I want to hear.”

“No, I'm telling you the truth.”

“You're not telling me anything, Y/N! Are you sorry for what you did? Good for you. But tell me something, would you do it differently if you had another chance?”

“What?”

“If you woke up tomorrow and we were on that mission again, me yelling at you to get out of the building, would you?”

You didn't even have to think twice to know the answer, but saying it out loud was much scarier than just being silent. Silence.

“I thought so.”

Still, even knowing you didn't have the upper hand in that fight, you tried to convince yourself otherwise.

“That doesn't explain anything, Bucky, I don't-”

“Stop lying already. If you really wanted to apologise to me you could have at least had the decency to tell the truth.”

“Fuck,” you muttered, the anger and irritability of your cowardice coming out to take it out on anyone but you. “You're a fucking genius then, aren't you? You know everything.”

“Well, it looks like you're the only one who doesn't.”

“You can't know what was going through my head at the time. You don't know everything!”

“Then fucking tell me: what were you thinking?”

Your mind went blank. And then words. Thoughts. Images. Nothing encouraging, nothing that would help your case. Again, fear came over you and you couldn't respond. You knew you were playing with fire, especially with him. Especially with the man who had learned to see beyond the cheerful, untroubled woman you were always trying to be.

“I was listening to you and I wanted to get out-”

“Then why didn't you?”

You didn't want him to keep pushing because you felt you wouldn't be able to keep running in the opposite direction. The weight of his words was more than the weight of your silence could bear. Silence.

“Now, with what face are you going to tell me you weren't lying?”

I'm sorry.

“This isn't fair.”

“Oh, so you're the one going through an injustice now. Funny.”

Your body felt his words hurt you, and too much, and instinctively your mind and your defence mechanisms leapt to take control of your words, even though you didn't mean to. Even though you knew you shouldn't because someone in that room was right and it wasn't you. Because you couldn't control the way your mind sought to get out and hide from the confrontations that questioned the way you lived. That was why you kept your distance. It was why you had boundaries with Bucky.

Damn the moment when you decided to believe what others said.

“Why does it matter now what happened back then? I'm here now, giving you an apology you don't want to accept just because I wanted to try to save what we had.”

Bucky raised his eyebrows and stood in a state of stupefaction for a few seconds. His eyes twitched and blinked rapidly as if his head didn't believe what he had heard and he mentally replayed it several times.

“What we had? What exactly did we have?”

“A friendship, Bucky! A mutual appreciation. A mutual respect.”

How you dare to talk about respect?

“Having a friendship implies that you worry and care about what the other person feels.”

Bucky watched you expectantly. His furious face gave no room for contradiction and you soon found yourself between a rock and a hard place. This man wasn't going to give up until he got what he wanted, and you didn't know how things would turn out when he did. You didn't speak, waiting for him to continue.

“When you were in that building, did you think about me, besides cursing me a thousand times for not letting you accomplish the mission while I was trying to save your life?”

Silence.

“Did you care, at any point, what would have become of me if you hadn't gotten out of that building?”

“Bucky, but that's not what-”

“Can you just answer…! Answer the fucking question.”

Silence.

“I… there was too much going on in my head at the same time.”

“But you weren't thinking about getting out of there!” he screamed.

“I thought I was a burden!" you screamed back, his hard stare breaking your self-control and you lowered your head. “I thought you always have to take care of me when I go on missions. I thought I don't really contribute anything important to the team. I thought I'd be a failure if I came back empty-handed when I was so close to making it. I thought… I thought nothing else mattered but accomplishing the mission.”

The last you admitted almost with shame. And though you struggled to think otherwise, your own mind accused you of not being strong enough to endure. You had to feel that shame because someone wasn't really supposed to know, not even for the fact that you had just admitted to him that you had crudely lied to him by excusing yourself behind a false apology, but because that was something that wasn't supposed to leave your head. Because they would always leave, they would abandon you, they wouldn't look back twice. And you were expectantly torn to see the moment when that would happen.

Bucky was just watching you. When you looked up to see him, you noticed that his angry expression had softened just a little. His gaze hovered over your figure for a few seconds until he let out a sigh.

“You've got a lot to work on, Y/N.”

And he left the room. You didn't try or think to stop him for a second. The stark truth of what you had said echoed off the walls and came back at you with such force that you feared it would tear you to pieces. But you did nothing about it. You let it come back because you didn't have the strength to move, you didn't have the strength to do more.

When you let your knees give way under the weight of your body, you curled up next to the couch and cried. You cried as if having said that to Bucky, finally getting those thoughts you tried every day to suppress out, had activated a little reason in your mind. As if, suddenly, you could no longer pretend that everything was all right and try to hide things behind a smile and a story.

You couldn't live your whole life believing that you could live behind a charade, after all.

#bucky fanfic #james bucky barnes #james barnes #winter soldier #bucky fic #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky imagine #bucky angst #bucky barnes angst #bucky x female reader #bucky fluff #bucky x reader #bucky x you #avengers #marvel #the outbreak

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lillysilvermoon · 2 years ago

Text

What your Future Spouse will admire about you?

Pile 1

Your reading is SO BEAUTIFUL Pile 1, really😭😭

First of all: you have a very feminine energy (high priestess) which is like kryptonite for man🤣😁. You see, the hight priestess have a profound connection with God/Goddess. She believes everyone has their own inner guidance to lead them to their true potential. And you do this! You trust your intuition, follow your heart and your instincts and this makes your s.p just go crazy, I feel like he is very logical and he admires your away of leadership, in your own away (doesn't matter if you realize this or not) you are a leader, you inspire people without even realizing it. With you, he feels healed, you just bring so much peace, calmness and joy to him. And talking about joy: you have a childlike personality, you inner child is very happy and free, you know when it's time to be silly (happy dance) and he admires this in you, you bring his child side and makes he feels comfortable to play and just be silly with you. I feel like my heart will explode of joy right now so I think that's how he feels with you, and this makes he admire you a lot because at the same time you are a very elegant, femine and wise, very responsible you ALSO are fun to be with, you know how to play and you have this magic to him. (He loves you so very much I just can't 😭💗).

And you are confident, I feel you have the mindset of "what is mine will find me" so if something goes wrong you just drive to overcome the obstacle in a positive way. When you have a goals, you work with very fierce energy to bring them to fruition (but the thing is: you do all fo this in a very feminine, gentle and fun way, and he just admires you incredible for this).

Signs: jupiters placements, Gemini, cancer and aries and number's 6,9,5 and 8 (I think cancer's placements are important because cancer's symbol looks like a 69 and you had this two numbers. Cam also be dates or months), books, library, education, parks, lakes and flowers. (And music!!!!!! Omg I think it's important to youu or them, maybe he'll communicate his feelings by songs)

P.S: I was going to pile two but I just heard this: you help them to heal his inner child in some way, and this is something very very important to them and by extension to y'all relationship.

P.S²: I was again going to Pile two- but here it is: he admires you for that because, I feel like this problem with his inner child maybe has affected in a negative way his others relationships and you, somehow, handle this really easy, you don't even realize actually (and I just saw he looking to any place in particular think about this and feeling genuinely happy)

Blonde and redhead for some feel here.

Pile 2

Finally I'm here, hello pile 2♡ let's get into your reading shall we?

Calmness. You are so calm, even in the worst situations, you maintain a sense of peace (or try your best to!). I see here that you have multiple interests and you try to balance all of them and other areas of your life, but you don't stress yourself with this. It's like, if doesn't work it's fine, cause you are adaptable and flexible (and he REALLY admires this because I feel like your future Spouse has a tiny-bit-tittie problem with control (wink nod) and you are kind of the opposite lmao, he see you having all this interests and priorities but... it's not a obligation like "omg I HAVE to do ALL" no. You want to do all, but it's okay if don't work some days, he admires you organization and the way you management your time and schedule. I feel your s.p like calm and stable people, he doesn't like unnecessary drama in his life and you just have this flow, if something doesn't work you just be flexible and this is important too: you think before make decisions! 100% not reactive, you think and go inwards before choosing anything. And you have a introspective side that he just loves too much.

I feel like you are someone who brings them peace love and very good advices when needed (after all no one likes be with someone who just complains, fight for every minimal thing, always need to be right to feel "respected" etc, he admires the peace bring with you.) I feel he deals with a lot of stress in his work place and when he sees you... it's too good, like a oasis.

Signs: poems, tea, wind place, scorpio, leo, sagittarius, venus, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune placements are important, numbers 7, 11 and 12 (can be days, months or house in astrology; 7 represents love and commercial partnerships and our relation with public, 11 it's ruled by Saturn and Uranus (definitely a lot of air sign) and talks about flow, strong thinking and important of expansion and 12 it's the house of our unconscious, fears, dreams and spirituality)

Pile 3

I feel like you give a lot of importance to material possessions, you don't act like "Oh money isn't important blablabla" you know money is important, you work to have a good life, to you things like good education, good house in a great neighborhood, travel to have fun but to also acquire culture and knowledge, good clothes with quality. This are important too you (is giving me old money mindset vibes and if you don't know about it, and I'm NOT talking about the "old money" from Tiktok - I highly recommend the "The Old Money Book: Living better while spending less" to you, it's very short has 158 pages) but you don't live FOR money, the money is your servant not your master!

He admires how you always seem to have a behavior like "this is only temporary and shall pass soon" when something bad or uncomfortable happens, and he really admires this. You have a very outgoing personality, full of energy and optimism (and you have some kind of sex appeal but in a elegant way), you are not afraid to work to have the things you desire, your energy is very positive and uplifting (I feel like your future Spouse enjoys SO MUCH talk to you, he loves to see you so determined to get the things you want and he has this feeling that you two will evolve and grow together.

Also: you are a generous soul, with money and with your time, love and affection and wisdom. Maybe you are into some charity, you are very loving and loyal and this... big turn on to them, I think it's honestly the thing he admires most about you, your personality, your values. You like a rare jewel to them.

Signs: VERY strong water placements, pisces, scorpio and cancer, moon, sun and Mars placements (makes so much sense because mars rules goals) numbers 6, 5, 4 and 8 (can be days, months or house. 6 its concrete and practical knowledge, it's also associated to cleanse, maintenance, work capacity and routine service's (again: makes so much sense, you guys value quality and take care of what you have so last longer, don't have need to buy new things), 5 it's you creative side, what gives you pleasure, 4 it's what we have most profound in us and 8 transition of life and things, ending of cycles).

Hope y'all like this reading, it's my first reading related to love and I'm so happy, I had so much fun doing this and hope you guys too. See you in the next reading.

Xoxo

- Lia

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heavyhitterheaux · 6 months ago

Text

The Marriage Pact Part 6

To Love and to Cherish

AN: It's been a while, but here we go!

Synopsis: Jack’s priority is making sure that you're okay despite your protests and wanting him to keep his distance. Life gets harder for him without you, and he soon comes to a realization that this might have to be his new normal

Pairing: Ex-Fiance!Jack Harlow x Ex-Fiancée!Reader

The Marriage Pact Masterlist

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

Jack was in a daze as he took the steps two at a time after grabbing his keys in order to get to his car. All he could do at this point was hope and pray that you and the baby were okay and he couldn't also help but think that this was entirely his fault. If he had simply done what you asked him to do and been honest from the very beginning, more than likely this wouldn't have happened and the two of you would have been in a good place.

Now it seemed like everything was getting worse by the second.

He got to the hospital in less than ten minutes and stopped at the front desk to find out where you were. Once he got to your room, he walked in to see that your eyes were closed and there were two small cuts, one next to your eye and one below it. Other than that you looked to have been perfectly fine which he was more than thankful for.

Hearing his footsteps, you peeked your right eye open and quickly sighed seeing who it was. He was the absolute last person on earth that you wanted to see, but knew that his coming was inevitable.

“Babe…” He started to say as he reached for you before you immediately cut him off.

“I don't want to hear it.”

“Y/N, I don’t care what you want or don't want to hear. I told you that I didn't want you leaving and now look at what happened. I damn near got into an accident myself trying to get to you to make sure that you were okay!” Jack said clearly frustrated about how you were acting towards him.

“Oh, so it's my fault?”

“That didn't come out of my mouth so where did you even get that from?”

“I really do not want to be around you right now. Wasn't me leaving in the middle of your tour not clear enough? Because if not, I can start from the beginning and call off a list of things that you've done to piss me off.”

“I get it. I get that you’re mad at me and for good reason, but I still need to make sure you're okay and did you forget that you're pregnant now? So that means that I now have two people to worry about.”

“How can I forget when I'm literally throwing up all day, every day? Kind of hard not to.”

“I just… wanted to see if you and the baby were okay. What even happened? And you clearly are, since you’re arguing with me.”

“They're fine. Someone ran a red light and hit me and my car is done for. Now you can leave.” You shot back as you turned to your side to face away from him.

“I'm not going anywhere. I don't give a damn how mad you are at me right now, I'm staying with you to make sure you're okay. Despite what you may think right now, I…” He trailed off and you suddenly looked at him because it caught your attention.

“What were you going to say?”

“I'm still trying to wrap my mind around you telling me that I only asked you to marry me out of desperation when I love you and would do anything for you and you know that. Anything you ask of me I do it for you.”

“Except being completely honest with me.”

“I wish that we could start completely over, but what's done is done and I'm sorry that I betrayed your trust. But, baby you have to believe me when I say that you are the only person that I want. Whatever you need me to do to repair our relationship, I'm willing to do it.”

“I… just don't even know what I need you to do at this point. I think as hard as a decision that this may be, I need to take a step back from you and this relationship.”

“You… you can't be serious. You're pregnant!” Jack exclaimed while gesturing to your belly and you looked at him dumbfounded.

“And? Is that supposed to change anything?”

“It changes literally EVERYTHING. Just please let me fix this. I promise-”

You immediately cut him off not wanting to hear another word.

“You have broken literally every single promise that you have made me since we got engaged and I don't think I even know the person standing in front of me right now and you have no idea how much that hurts me.” You quietly told him as you felt tears prick the corners of your eyes.

“Y/N… you aren't about to say what I think you’re about to say because….”

“I'm breaking up with you and whatever this is or was is over. I'm not going to manage you anymore either. Let Neelam do it because I'm done. I'm not competing for a spot in your life anymore.”

“Y/N you don't mean that! You don't have to compete for anything. It's you, it's always been you. Baby, please don't do this. I will literally-”

“Do anything? Jackman, you've done enough. Too much actually. I love you and you know I always will. But I just… for my peace of mind, my heart can't take being with you right now until you get your shit together.”

“So, you don't want to marry me anymore?” Jack asked and you could see the tears in the corners of his eyes. As much as you wanted for things to go back the way that they were, you couldn't.

“I never said that. I think right now that's not the best idea for either of us. We need to be on the same page and right now we aren't.”

“What can I do to get you to change your mind? I… there has to be something.”

“I'm still going to be in your life, I'm not walking away completely. You did get me pregnant after all.”

“But we won't be together?”

You simply shook your head no at Jack and you were determined to stand your ground and not back down. As much as you wanted to forgive him and be wrapped in his arms, you knew that you deserved better and until he was able to give you that, there was absolutely no reason for the two of you to be together.

You had to let him know that this wasn't acceptable anymore and that if he wanted the two of you to be together that something had to give.

“Baby, please.” Jack pleaded with you as a few tears began to fall, but all you did in response was slip off your engagement ring and hold out your hand towards him as hard as it was and waited for him to take it.

Not believing what he was seeing, he simply shook his head.

“It's rightfully yours, so I want you to keep it. You're the one that I bought it for.”

“Please understand that this doesn't mean that I don't love you because that is as far from the truth as ever.” You quietly said as you grabbed his hand to squeeze it and all he did was nod.

“But we cannot be married and our relationship consists of hiding things from one another.” You added and Jack nodded in agreement.

“And I also have to be able to trust you wholeheartedly. That's my biggest thing.” You continued as Jack started making small circles on the back of your hand.

“I promise to give you all the space and time you need.”

It had been weird.

Weird without you being around Jack and you honestly didn't know how to feel.

He had moved around a few tour dates so that he was able to stay with you for a few days despite your protests. However, he wasn't taking no for an answer.

The very next morning after your car accident, you sent Chris a letter detailing your decision of not managing Jack anymore and ultimately leaving Generation Now. It was rushed and could have been written better, but in your mind the quicker that you got it done, the less likely you would change your mind about your decision. Chris was soon blowing up your phone, but you didn't bother answering it because you knew that he was going to try and convince you to change your mind.

Everything would now be on Neelam's shoulders since you were out of the picture. You didn't wish ill of her or that she would fail at her job because at the end of the day, Jack would be affected. As much as you were upset at him because of his actions, you never wanted anything like that to happen.

The last day that he spent with you before flying back to Europe was somewhat awkward. That was a first because this was the person that you spent the majority of your time with since birth and there had never been a dull moment between the two of you.

This was the first time in his career that you wouldn't be with him and he didn't quite know how to feel about it. As he was getting ready to leave, he simply leaned down to kiss your forehead and lightly caressed your cheek since you were sleeping.

He figured that it would be harder for him to leave in the morning so he decided to leave in the middle of the night. It would be harder because he would physically have to say goodbye to you face to face and he wasn't ready for that. But, he did leave a note for you that you would hopefully see once you woke up.

Y/N,

I had to leave when you were sleeping because it would have been ten times harder for me if not. I take full responsibility for what has happened between us and I hope one day that you can forgive me. It's going to be hard not seeing and being around you every day, but I told you that I would give you all of the space and time that you need. I want you to have a healthy pregnancy for our baby and in order for that to happen, I will do anything you ask because stressing you out is the last thing that I want to do. I love you so much and please understand that I never meant for any of this to happen. I want you to be able to trust me and know that you are my priority. I’m going to prove to you that you made the right choice in saying yes to marrying me and I will wait for however long it takes. We’re going to get through this and I’ll text you when I land.

Love, Jack

Two months or so had passed and you were out at lunch with Maggie and she quickly asked how you were feeling seeing as you were now in month four. Jack would be present at every doctor's appointment either in person or on facetime if he wasn't near Louisville. As much as he wanted to cancel the rest of his tour and stay with you, you wouldn't let him. He worked entirely too hard all year to not see the entire thing through. Your belly was small, but there was definitely something there. Jack had sent a text early this morning to check on you and see how you were feeling and you kept it short and sweet.

You weren't mad at him, not anymore.

But he was far from being in your good graces.

Extremely far.

The two of you were discussing plans about the baby and you told her that when the two of you left that you were actually going to go and do a little light shopping as you were probably going to get a few outfits along with some toys knowing that you will get more than enough when the baby shower rolled around.

“Y/N, where's your ring?” Maggie asked you, catching you off guard as you were showing her the theme that you wanted to do for the baby's room.

You glanced down to look at your bare finger and silently cursed to yourself, forgetting to put it on this morning knowing that she was bound to ask questions.

As far as both of your families knew, the wedding was still on even though that couldn't have been further from the truth. Jack pleaded and begged for you to proceed with it, but you wanted nothing to do with him until he got his shit together.

“And don't lie to me.” Maggie added while eyeing you seeing as you still hadn't responded to her.

“Getting married isn't the best idea for us right now.” You quietly said while playing with your bracelet to distract you.

“Since when?” Maggie asked while trying to get down to the bottom of how her future daughter in law was feeling.

“Sometimes the fairytale turns into a nightmare, but luckily I was able to wake up.” You quietly said before taking a swig of your sprite.

“What did my big headed son do?” Was all you heard as a sigh escaped from her.

“It doesn't even matter at this point. But, just know that I had to take a step back from him. Not because I wanted to, because I needed to.”

“Just know that I'm always going to be here for you. No matter what.” She said while grabbing your hand and squeezing it.

“I appreciate that and I'm going to need it more than ever.”

“And why is that?”

“Jack isn't the only one with talent and I'm done managing him and being in the background. It's my turn to do something for myself.”

–

Jack was high key annoyed and he couldn't wait until the tour was over so that he would be able to go home to Louisville and be with you full time. Well not be with you, obviously since you hadn't forgiven him yet, but he would be closer to you than he was at this very moment. He had gotten a week off during his tour and immediately flew back to Louisville to see you, he sent a text first to let you know he was there and if it was okay to come and see you. By then, you had moved back into your condo, not wanting to be around anything that reminded you of Jack, even though that proved to be impossible.

Neelam was doing a terrible job taking over what you used to do and it had Jack stressed to the tenth level. He was just informed that she had double booked him for something…. again. This had to be the third or fourth time and he was tired of it.

She looked just as stressed as he was and he knew it was an adjustment for her now doing this full time, but something had to give.

“I never had this problem when Y/N was here. Neelam, we cannot keep doing this. How am I supposed to be in two places at once?” He quietly said and all she did was sigh.

“Well I was just thrown into this and now I'm completely by myself so give me some grace and have a little patience.” She shot back as she was scribbling down notes for something.

“You weren't thrown into anything, you had a general idea of what to do and what not to do.”

“Well if you don't want me here, call Y/N since she can obviously do my job a lot better than I can.” Neelam replied frustrated at the attitude that Jack was giving her.

“She doesn't want to talk to me or manage me anymore so you're it.” He muttered as he opened his phone to the text thread between the two of you. Talking every day had basically become non-existent, but he still made sure to check on you a few times a week. At this point, he would take anything that he could get because at least you were talking to him.

But he did make sure to tell you that he loved you in one way, shape, or form every day.

Neelam instantly felt bad once Jack came back and didn't have you with him. Suddenly everything was on her and she highly doubted that you would be willing to help her if she asked you.

Jack had been in a depressed state, which was fair given the circumstances, but he definitely made her job harder most days. She knew that he missed you and knew that you in not so many words broke up with him, were pregnant and did not have a plan on getting back with him any time soon.

Thinking that Jack needed a little pick me up and hoping that you would agree to het idea, she had to work up the nerve to call you later once he was on stage.

“I'll do my best to be better, okay? Chris wouldn't have hired me if I couldn't do my job.”

“It's whatever. I'm going to lay down until I have to head to the venue.”

Neelam quickly nodded and used this as an opportunity to call you once Jack was out of earshot.

She was surprised that you picked up on the second ring.

“Hello?”

“Uh, hey Y/N. It's Neelam.”

“I know, I have caller id. What do you want?” You asked her as you were moving around in your bedroom trying to tidy it up.

“Look, I'm sorry for the way that things went down between us and I overstepped when I shouldn't have.”

“Okay.”

“Um, Jack is just….”

“Just what?” You asked as you stopped in your tracks thinking that something was wrong.

“He needs you, like really needs you. It went from bad to worse, and I just don't know what to do anymore. He barely leaves his bed most days.”

“And what am I supposed to do all the way in Louisville?”

“Well maybe just talk to him? Or even come and see him?”

“And say what Neelam? He made his bed and now he has to lie in it and deal with the consequences. I love him and he knows that I love him, but every time that he has a problem, I cannot always run to him and save the day. He doesn't have much longer and he's just going to have to deal with it as harsh as that may sound.”

“Well can you just think about it? That might be what he needs to finish this out strong.”

“I'll see him once he gets back to Louisville. Talk to you later.”

As Jack was in his hotel room laying down and staring at the ceiling, there was a knock on his door. Removing the comforter from his body, he made his way over to the door and opened it to see Urban staring back at him.

“Uh hey.” Urban quietly said as Jack moved to the side to let him in.

Ever since Jack returned from being with you in Louisville, Urban was trying to be as supportive as he possibly could. He necessarily didn't see this coming the way that everything went down, but he wasn't going to throw it in his best friend's face when he was already not at his best. This what he had been afraid of from the very beginning.

Urban sat down on the couch that was in the far left corner of the room as Jack came and sat next to him.

“What if she changed her mind and doesn't want to marry me anymore?” Jack asked as he broke the silence.

“Did she tell you that?”

“No, but I can't be so sure. I didn't cherish her and I took the love that she has for me for granted. I told her that I would give her as much space and time that she needs, but we're about to have an entire kid and she can barely stand to be in the same room as me.”

“Just give her time. This is Y/N that we're talking about. You know the one who has known you since you were eight days old?”

“As much as I want to, I don't think that giving her time will be enough.”

#jack harlow #jack harlow fic #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x black reader #jack harlow fanfic #jack harlow fluff #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow angst #jack harlow imagines #jackman thomas harlow

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askhezureviews · 12 days ago

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We will all know your thoughts on season 2 of HB soon. I don’t know if you waiting was in response to people saying”you have to wait to see the whole season before judging it” but do you think there’s any ever case where this could apply to reviews?

Actually, that is typically what I prefer to do. I like to binge watch media to their completion for a more rounded review. I know my 45+ min videos are annoying to most, I can't blame them since I too have a short attention span- as well as a terrible tendency to waste half the review summarizing the plot (I'm working on fixing that for my future reviews, apologies for that) but I typically prefer to judge things on an overall basis rather than part 1, part 2, episode 12, season 3, season 6- simply for the sake of video cleanliness. The phrase of "wait until it finishes before judging" is a major player for all media. Absolutely the case with Arcane, because season 2 they had an unreliable narrator as well as a structure designed to withhold information from the audience.

The Owl House and Steven Universe didn't actually even... start their plots until their second seasons, they had a very slow start.

I'm also gonna wait for more episodes of Monkey Wrench and The Amazing Digital Circus before making a youtube review, since they're still pretty early on in production. There's a lot of character information and plot we simply do not have yet- regardless, I'm loving what I'm seeing thus far.

The reason I made an exception for Helluva Boss: They already had at least one season established, and episode 1 of season 2 completely changed the storyline season 1 was heading for. You could see an immediate change in storytelling and pacing due to the fact that the writer changed, as well as the show's priorities shifting to focus on the ship pandering.

If I had been watching Tangled the series in real time, I probably would have also made an exception video regarding Cassandra's villain arc immediately because the set up for that was nonsensical, and true to the start, it remained nonsensical to the end of the show. Helluva Boss had problems before, but the comedy genre allowed wiggle room for making mistakes because it didn't take itself seriously. But now that it has dedicated itself as a romantic drama, investing in character angst and connections, it starts dragging on as plotline traumas start repeating and becoming more dramatic. It is now taking itself too seriously.

Changing Stolitz from a business partners with benefits to childhood friend soulmates was a red flag that stood out to me, because this decision changed the trajectory of the show and omit our characters from any wrongdoing. I've never seen a show flatten their characters like pancakes in a single episode before, it was astonishing.

While some of Helluva Boss's season 2 episodes managed to redeem some nice writing or character moments, regardless, this season has continued to end all stakes for our characters through plot armor as well as humiliating the villains they introduced in season 1.

If you have at least one established season for your show, and your writing suddenly: 1. Drastically changes prior interaction & depth of characters 2. Changes the show's trajectory, focus, and genre 3. Presents the above in a nonsensical manner / no believable set up Then that's a red flag to indicate the show is gonna go down hill, as previous fans are now left confused to the sudden change. There's a high probability you'll lose views/support/money because of these changes. While the show may attempt to backtrack in later episodes, as Helluva Boss has, this creates a separate problem of contradicting itself, leaving the audience confused as to how they're meant to interpret these scenes as the tone flip flops every other episode. (and actually leads to more fandom drama)

I've been waiting for season 2 to end because the initial plot change shock was over, as they continued to double down on their decision. As well as my realization that a different writer was actually now on board, which explained a lot. Thus, I want to go back and review Helluva Boss season 1 and season 2 as a whole instead of the episode reviews I was doing, to help put things into perspective for people and actually get to talk about what Helluva Boss did right so I can lead into where it went wrong.

#helluva boss critical #i still have not watched the past three episodes #ill catch up in january i hope

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undiscovered-horizon · 2 years ago

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Ah, wonderful choice, Little Wanderer! Browse the stories, take your time. If there is something else you would like to read, just come back to me. If you don’t find what you’re looking for, make a request to the librarian.

>>Grishaverse-inspired playlist<<

1. Kaz Brekker

➳ "Old dog, new tricks" -> Looking for someone to give you a quote on a stolen painting, you run into an old friend who's less than happy with your way of life.

➳ "The clockmaker, the crow and the mantis" -> Kaz becomes part of an assassin's conspiracy to uncover who paid to have him killed.

➳ "Return to sender" -> When an old admirer continues to bother you with his letters, Kaz makes it his priority to put the fiasco to a stop.

➳ "Apple tree" -> Kaz sometimes hums a melody no one can recognize. The one who sang it to him has bewitched him as much as the tune.

➳ "Agnus Dei" -> You're a Grisha hiding from the Black General. When you reveal your power to save the Crows, Kaz must make a decision: your life or theirs? ➳ "O Rubor Sanguinis" -> Facing the Black General, you must choose whether to do the smart thing or the one you truly crave. Kaz shows affection, just not with words.

➳ "Amendmends" -> Two of your thugs get into a fight at the Crow's club, so you go apologize in person to ensure there won't be any retaliation. Kaz seems suspiciously happy at having the infamous Golden Panther indebted to him. ➳ "Amendments II: The Panther and the Duckling" -> The day comes when you can repay Kaz Brekker with the help of the mysterious "Duckling". Kaz claims you're infuriating but there might be more to his confusing feelings than he realises.

➳ "Espionage" -> You and Kaz pretend to be engaged so you can get him into a banquet and from there - to a safe.

➳ "Four Crow Investigation" -> After Nina notices Kaz's heartbeat quicken when you're around, she recruits three friends to investigate your relationship. ➳ "Four Crow Investigation II: Lovebirds' Outfox" -> Aware of your friends' nosiness, you and Kaz ensure they have hardly believable gossip to share.

➳ "Could you ever fall in love with me?" / "I can’t even fall asleep." -> angst blurb

➳ "Embroidery" -> When his glove gets torn, you're more than happy to sew it back together and add a little detail of your own.

2. Nikolai Lantsov

➳ "Little Sun" -> Return to the sanctuary means a reunion with his beloved Солныщко. Kisses and slaps are exchanged.

➳ "Sparring" -> You face him in an army sparring match. Despite his noble title, Nikolai can't stop himself from sharing suggestive remarks.

➳ "Man of Faith" -> Nikolai's interest in the Sun Summoner makes you jealous but being the sweetheart he is, he's quick to reassure you about his devotion.

➳ "Femme fatale" -> When you reveal how you won the suspiciously heavy bag of coins, Nikolai is overwhelmed with anger at the thought of you being intimate with another man.

➳ "The King and the Swallow" -> Unexpected reunion with his childhood friend and the sworn protector of the royal family takes a dramatic turn when Nikolai inquires about her uncharacteristic, cold demeanour. Confessions are shared - the good ones and the bad ones alike.

➳ "Cinderella" -> Nikolai is a party person, you're not. But he's also a fool in love, so when you quietly disappear, he wastes no time finding you.

➳ "In Emerald Hearts, Emerald Minds" -> When Vasily asks you to forget his half-brother and marry him instead, you escape the Little Palace along Alina. Nikolai realizes something strange is going on when Kaz mentions seeing a similar emerald ring on the woman that came with the Sun Summoner. With how much you and Nikolai have been running in circles to find each other, the reunion aboard Volkvolny feels almost fated.

➳ "Sea shanties" -> Alina witnesses Sturmhond's love for his boatswain. Hurting yourself while fixing the net leads to singing sea shanties and Sturmhond almost kissing the love of his life.

➳ "Who am I to complain?" -> When your parents come to visit, Nikolai finally understands why you've never been keen to talk about them. Being the King and your husband, he isn't afraid to defy them.

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nervouswhizkid · 1 month ago

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i. am so mad. i'm mad at season 4 and at every one of you that interacted with my last post abt vld season 3. i know u were all sitting there giggling at me as i walked into s4 knowing full well it was going to destroy me. no WARNING??? i don't even want to sit down and write about it, i'm gonna start crying all over again

i hate that keith left the team. i have to actually practice breathing techniques right now because it's making me so mad omg. i know i said last time that voltron without lance was unthinkable, but i didn't mean that keith should leave. THAT IS NOT WHAT I WANTED!!!! that also means that there was less keith (and klance) content this season, which i take personally. they did that to hurt me specifically. and on top of that, the team was being so mean about keith's wavering priorities. i feel like when anything goes wrong, with lance and keith specifically, everyone is so mean to them??? god forbid they make a mistake or have personal struggles, DAMN

i feel like this screencap says it all.

guys how about let's talk to each other instead of being passive aggressive and icing people out (i do want to point out though that lance seems more sad/disappointed here than anything. my little klance heart is breaking 😭) AND THIS SCENE??

the moment i realized keith was about to walk in my stomach dropped. they all look so angry and here comes Mister Puppy Eyes McGee. i actually can't take it that's my son everyone leave him alone!!! 🤺🤺🤺🤺 i know they had a big group hug after but that's not good enough for me, they should have tied keith up or handcuffed him to the ship, or something. WHY ARE WE LETTING HIM GO WITH THE BLADE OHMYGODDDD

look at this, like??

the camera setup is what gets me. you have keith smiling with all of his friends in the background and then it swaps to a dark, yawning hallway with the most heartbreaking frown on his face. that doesn't look like someone sure of their decisions to me. this boy is in pain!! i'm also just confused about shiro being able to pilot the black lion. maybe confused isn't the right word, but i'm not sure how to describe it. i'm not convinced?? black already denied him, so why now? i kinda feel like it would've been better had he not tried to reconnect with her at the end of last season, because there was no suspense for me this time. the moment he decided to go try again i was like "oh it's gonna work this time isn't it" i get that it's likely black could sense keith's internal struggles and feel him pulling away and maybe that's why she gave shiro a second chance, but shiro becoming the black paladin again gave keith the excuse to leave, because why do they need him now? they have a black paladin, and it's not him. but to me, it should have been. he went through all of that growth last season, and for what?? just to abandon them when things get rocky?? ugh, i hate this!!

i can't even talk about episode 2 without crying, so just know that i'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face as i write this. i was really excited to finally get some closure on the whole pidge-missing-family mystery, considering that's been a subplot since the beginning of the show. as much as this episode broke my heart, i really did love it. they executed it so well. the scene where pidge lands on that planet with the graves? and they're running and pleading for it to not be true, all the flashbacks of cherished memories and images of matt? dropping to her knees in front of his grave in disbelief??

now that's fucking cinema. you best believe i was bawling my eyes out the whole time. i have a little sister and our relationship is very similar to pidge and matt's, so this was just excruciating. i'm very glad he wasn't actually dead, but part of me almost wishes he was? that sounds SO dark, i hope you guys get what i mean. they just put the audience through the absolute wringer and then they're like "oh, actually he's still alive LOL gotcha!" and that makes me really happy for pidge, but man, what a plot twist that would have been. they've been searching for their brother all this time, so you expect some kind of payoff for dedicating so much time to that storyline, but what if he was just dead?? and there was nothing she could do?? wow this is painful to talk about why did i start watching this show if there's a fic where someone explores that possibility then pls share, for some reason i want to torture myself again, i just love how they did this episode. it's very trope-y, but sometimes you just have to lean into it and enjoy, and this was one of those times

the classic fighting-each-other-unknowingly and middle-of-the-fight-identity-reveal? i'll eat it up every time!!

real talk though why is matt so attractive 😏

soo, zarkon is back. fantastic. do he and haggar just not care about each other?? they haven't mentioned the fact that they're married at all and haggar basically still acts like his loyal follower. i'd entertain the thought that maybe it's been so long that it just doesn't really matter to them anymore, but haggar sounded like she actually cared when she realized they were husband and wife last season. but now it's like nothing happened?? i don't expect them to act all lovey-dovey, but there wasn't even a single line of acknowledgment. and i still cannot understand what lotor's plans are. what is his agenda? he wasn’t bothered at all by zarkon reclaiming the throne, and even went to the trouble to make them think he cared. he got that comet and made a couple of ships, but i still don't know what he plans to do with them. also– i can't believe he killed narti!! i know, i was literally just talking about how she specifically frustrated me, but i was so not expecting their death. i get why he did it, but now the rest of his group doesn't trust him.

i'd say that the one bright spot in this season was episode four. that episode was just so silly and gave me so much secondhand-embarrassment i actually had to look away at times LMAO is this where we got the whole Loverboy Lance and Lone Wolf Keith thing from?? i thought that was purely fandom-made, i was not expecting to hear that in an actual episode. talk about whiplash. and we got this ICONIC scene:

he did that wayyy too naturally. lance, buddy, got anything to share?

i really would have loved to see keith with the team during that episode. i can just imagine how he would've reacted to having to do all of that stuff. god, that would've been hysterical!! the images of the parasite in coran's brain made me gag though, was that really necessary🧍‍♀️

i don't have a ton to say about the final episodes. i mean, it was two episodes of them fighting on naxzela. it was definitely a bit of an avengers endgame feeling with all people they helped in previous seasons showing up to fight, so that was cool! i'm curious as to what purpose naxzela served to the galra empire though. were they always planning to use it as a bomb? and couldn't they still do that technically? they only broke the witches connection with it, so all they'd have to do is get another ship out there and she could do it again. what do you even do with a planet like that?? just destroy it?? i also just want to point out that lance said they should get out of there immediately, and nobody listened!! and then five seconds later they were like "oh no, we need to get out of here!" justice for lance i stg ohmygod and LOTOR is on their side now?!?!?! i actually can't wait to see how this plays out!! total transparency, i love atla and i could absolutely see this being a zuko redemption arc situation. it's clear his parents don't like him at all (are they actually heartless or something??) so why not join the other side!! I'M HERE FOR IT

i have to be honest, this definitely wasn't my favorite season. we're getting into the later seasons and i've heard plenty about how the writing goes a little left-field (though i'm not sure when that happens. most people seem to agree season 8 is shit, but i've heard complaints about s6-7 as well) so we'll just have to see! i'm sticking it out as best i can🚶‍♀️‍➡️ onto season 5!

#vld #voltron #voltron season 4 #adie's voltron watchthrough #keith kogane #i was not kidding about episode two btw #any time u want to feel something just watch that episode

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prince-liest · 10 months ago

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what I love most about your 666 vox is that even though he and alastor make an olympic sport out of bending the boundaries of "safe and sane" sex, he seems to VERY firmly believe in the "consensual" part... him letting go of alastor the SECOND he uses his safe word, holding himself back when alastor can't handle touch during his rut, all that stuff. so what would his reaction be if the events of bus stop happened in the same verse and he learned about what valentino did? I know you mentioned it in another ask before but it's been rotating in my mind for days lol - ✨

Alright, y'all get the long and serious answer for this one! >:) Buckle up, buttercups! And thank you SO much for your kind words! <3

I genuinely think that Vox is a fairly shitty person who does not typically particularly care about the violation of consent. He is so free not just with lying, selling spyware, and enabling enabling Valentino, but also with dominating people's will with his hypnosis in his introduction. I think that, if anything, he gets a power trip out of it and he sees what Valentino does, generally, as an extension of that! They're the Vees! They're powerful, they're winning, they have Pentagram City wrapped around their fingers!

However, in 666, his view of Alastor and the fact that Alastor lets him do things is obsessive and borderline worshipful, in, like, a fucked up sadomasochistic way! 666 is written from Alastor's POV so you get to see a lot of his own emotional progression with regard to how he views Vox, but on Vox's end, he's also seeing Alastor differently. He would not be able to genuinely think that he's fallen in love with Alastor if he wasn't able to get past being worshipfully infatuated with him first. He's still obsessive, but especially after O.T.O Special 6.66, Now Streaming: The Birds and the Bees, Natural Wonders! (aka. the rut fic, I know, my fucking titles—) where Alastor starts offering Vox more genuine vulnerability without the looming threat of his shadow, he sees Alastor as more of an actual person rather than a celebrity figure to fight or fuck or both.

Which means that, before Vox made that transition, he would probably be pissed that Valentino ruined his chances to get up to more shit with Alastor. He is very careful with regards to Alastor's consent in the first two installations of 666 because he's extremely aware of how easily Alastor could withdraw it, and how little Vox could do about that. He's not willing to lose Alastor after the taste he's finally had! He's practically manic about finally getting what he wants!

After he's developed more genuine feelings for Alastor (and Alastor has moved solidly into being one of the relatively few people that Vox registers as not just being an NPC or untouchable raid boss in his life), he would be... absolutely fucking mortified, I think. The empathy would fucking suck! That's why he prefers not to have it for most people!

But the thing is, he also loves Val. He has history with Val. And he knows what Val is like. I think he would be less actually, genuinely, overtly angry at Valentino in this scenario than he would have been if he'd just seen Val as ruining his big break with Alastor. He'd make a show of it, sure, but how the hell can he really blame Valentino when he genuinely wouldn't have given (has never given) half of a shit if it had actually been Angel Dust?

And he also knows what Alastor is like. I think his decision would be forced by the fact that despite what happened, Alastor is alive and Valentino is very much about to not be. In a triage situation, one of those people is by default a higher priority.

Alastor, of course, would never forgive that. He would also never forgive the fact that Vox knows what happened—and knows it in a universe where Alastor had dared allow Vox liberties and slowly, eventually, trusted him not to abuse them.

Like I said! It would absolutely nuke the relationship, and I think Alastor would put a great deal of effort into turning all of V Tower and its inhabitants, likely especially Vox, even moreso than Valentino, into so much rubble and a wet smear on the ground.

#ask #personal #sparkle anon #hazbin hotel #radiostatic #meta #alastor #vox #valentino #rape mention #long post #my writing #666 live on air

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teaandchoux · 3 months ago

Text

Everything Wrong With Five x Lila

☆ A Yapping Session ☆

Notes: TUA Season 4 was a colossal disappointment, but of all the things I didn't like, Five x Lila had to take first place. As always, spoilers after the cut !!

I think the most obvious problem with it all was the age-gap. With a character like Five, whose mental age was such a big leap from his physical age, problems were naturally going to arise when it came to romance. In season 4 (but before the metro incident), he was about 60+ years old mentally and 19-20 years old appearance-wise, while Lila was in her mid-thirties. One could argue that this wasn't illegal - by (approx.) 25 years old, the brain would have fully developed and can make sound decisions in romantic situations, thus age gaps were no longer so significant. This could be true, but it was still far from being normal.

It's almost like some fans have forgotten who Five really is due to his appearance as a young and attractive man. They like how soft he becomes with her, how happy he seems. However, they're forgetting that-

This isn't him: This is him:

Now think back to all the scenes between Lila and Five in the show and substitute young Five for age-accurate Five. Creepy, right? Five isn't the innocent character deserving of the 'love' he finds in Lila after all he has been through, he's someone who should have had the maturity and rationality to not date someone mentally half his age and is also his brother's wife.

With that being said, I don't believe Five would ever do such a thing. It's blatant mischaracterisation to make the character whose top priority had been his family almost the entire show throw it all away in those 7 years of being stuck with Lila. I mention the 7 years because it seemed like the writers' excuse for making them fall in love. Their reasoning is essentially "It's a long time and they were losing hope, so we can't blame them for turning to each other". It's like saying that a man and woman cannot co-exist for so long without catching feelings, regardless of whether they were in-laws or not. 7 years should also have been nothing to Five; he never lost hope when stuck in the apocalypse for 40+ years, so why now?

What I also hate about this is how they butchered Lila x Diego. From the storyline, Lila apparently fell out of love with Diego because she thought he complained too much and had a dad bod. The domestic life doesn't suit either of them, that much was clear and understandable, but while Diego communicated his unhappiness outwardly (albeit excessively), Lila went behind everyone's back to cults and such to "keep her life interesting". Not to mention that despite his complaints, Diego still put his all into caring for his family. He learned Punjabi to speak to his in-laws, consistently went to his boring job, and risked his life just to bring home some stuffed animals for his children. The story even showed him maturing and realising how much his family meant to him, after which he changed his way and became more loving and affectionate when Lila came back. What hurt the most was that he went through that development for nothing because Lila had already cheated on him with Five. Lila and Diego's relationship had had seasons to develop and solidify, how did it all lose to the 5-minute montage of Five and Lila eating rats in the subway?? This season painted both Lila and Five as selfish and cruel people, which I don't think should be true for either of them.

During their argument on going back to their original timeline, Lila said herself that she did not actually love him, but what they had was purely for survival. In other words, she used him to cope with her loneliness and abandoned him at the first chance she got to return home. Yet it was also said by Steve Blackman that if they had more time, Lila "would have stayed with Five". These inconsistencies between what happened in the show and what was said by the writer did not help to sell their relationship, and only served to show how poorly formulated and executed it was.

Moreover, I want to mention how this all spawned from Steve Blackman thinking that Five needs a love story. I don't think he did, but even if it is a necessity for some reason, there were so many options that didn't involve being a homewrecker (he could have been placed with model!Delores, his assistant at the CIA, etc.). Blackman even paired with his previous claim about Five: "How can he have a love story? He's not the kind of guy who's going to date". So while it was already established that Five having a love-interest was unlikely, the show went out of their way to make it happen anyway.

Regarding the ending, we ultimately got no closure on either relationship but only what Steve Blackman said externally to the show (which I don't agree with). We also got the cliché phrase "I see you" from Diego, saying that he understood Lila for who she truly was. But what did he actually mean by this? That he understood why she cheated on him? That he realised that she has fallen out of love with him? Was he displaying acceptance or anger? There was no time left for elaboration, and that was it. They all died and were erased from existence.

Wish I had covered my eyes while watching this season 💔

#the umbrella academy #tua #tua s4 #tua season 4 #lila pitts #five hargreeves #tua spoilers

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mrs-monaghan · 1 year ago

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Hi, Shaz. I really love your opinions here but I have to disagree with you on the MS thing. Here is why.

For me,them enlisting together is a bit of a red flag. What I mean is it's not just brave, it's really out there. And for them to do it, there has to be more important reason than ''Oh we can't stay away from each other". They are grown ass men who's been together for a long time now so I really doubt that they are worried about not seeing each other every day. They are not teenagers. And for sure there first priority would be SAFETY. Also I think they know waaay more about situation in MS from other idols, their friends who already served, and I'm sure they heard about other idols treatment (especially from LGBTQ community) something that is not publicly known to us, but maybe some more information from people within.

So I think something made JK or Jimin so scared or so worried about possible treatment of the other (and I do think it's JK who is alwasy overprotective of JM) that they went with the nuclear option.

And I do believe that it's a nuclear option, because now they will be even under more scrutiny than if they would have gone separately. So this was a well thought out in advance decision but not just out of love, but also for security reasons.

PS let's face it, out of all the members they do tend to have the most unstable fans. And also I doubt that people who enjoy r*ping other people really care if one is a mega superstar or not. If anything, for some that might be even a bigger turn on. Sorry did not intend to make it this dark(

But this decision to me speaks volume not about how government will treat JK and JM (of course they will do everything they can so nothing went wrong)

but how JK and JM see the situation and how they think it is safer to go together rather than apart.

It's still just my opinion though. I hope I'm totally wrong.

Oh anon I agree with you. Taemin and Jimin were so close they were moving like BFFs one time. And as we've seen this year they're still pretty damn close. So I would bet everything Taemin opened up to Jimin about what happened to him in there. And as we both know these two men don't exactly scream "straight"

So I can see Jimin, his family and JK being worried about him in there. I can see it. But I can also see Jimin thinking he would be fine and JK saying; no fucking way. And now he gets to keep and eye on Jimin, protect him if need be. Not that black belt Jimin is a damsel in distress but y'all get what I mean...

Either way anon they will be there for eo and support eo. But I still stand by my... well, stand that no one will try anything.

#ask shaz #bts ask #jikook #kookmin #minkook #jimin and jungkook #jikook military

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theredhairedmonkey · 6 months ago

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ain't no way you just said "murder is bad, killing in self defense is not. lying is bad, lying to protect someone is not." killing will always be a bad thing. lying, too. but that can't make someone a bad person. one of the greatest parts about tdp--callum's character in particular--is the nuance and grey area and "not everything is black and white" messages, and you could not have made it more obvious how you don't understand that.

callum is not a murderer and he is not "a liar." yet, you are so determined to make him absolutely perfect that you dumbed down a fact of life and literally justified murder so long as it's "self defense," full stop. black and white, huh?

Callum is not perfect. He's reckless, impatient, and at least a bit naive about the challenges of doing the "right thing."

Which is a perfect segway to here - if you want to say that "killing will always be a bad thing," go right ahead. Like, you're wrong, but at least this is cogent stance you can take. But you can't believe that AND also say "not everything is black and white." Either killing is always a bad thing (i.e. black and white) or context matters (i.e. the nuance and grey area).

you dumbed down a fact of life and literally justified murder so long as it's "self defense."

Lol, yes I am the one dumbing down a fact of life that self-defense is a justification for causing someone's death. It's totally not a literal fact of life that self-defense is widely recognized as a justification for killing. It's still a weighty and serious and tragic thing to do, but it is by no means immoral to defend yourself.

By the way noticed how in the original post I said murder was wrong but killing in self-defense is not? I'm not justifying murder - which is by definition an "unjustified killing" - but to say that "killing is always bad fullstop" is a pretty tenuous and not-nuanced position to take.

I do agree with you, though, that the moral greyness is one of the best parts of the show. The moralizing and cherry-picking of Callum's actions (and exclusively Callum's actions), however, is one of the worst. As I've pointed out before, it's only Callum who is held to an impossibly high (and occasionally incoherent) moral standard. Not Ezran (who gave the throne to Viren), and not Rayla (where do I even start).

If Callum is going to be held to an unforgiving standard and relentlessly criticized for any misstep, it's reasonable to ask why other characters seem exempt from comparable scrutiny. Ezran and Rayla have also made momentous decisions with serious consequences that warrant moral analysis or at least moral reflection. I love moral discussions about the show as the next person, but when it's clear it's just a cudgel to go after one particular character, I'm going to call it out.

And keep in mind, all of this is misplaced moralizing is happening while Word of God confirms that, yes, Callum was motivated by doing the "right thing" in 5x08. That should prompt fascinating questions about what it means to act rightly in impossible situations, how to weigh competing moral priorities, and whether commitment to principle can justify terrible costs (i.e. is it worth it for Callum to keep his hands clean if it directly leads to someone dying).

Questions which are routinely ignored because it does not fit the "morally dubious Callum" mold who is not motivated by principle, only by the lives of an extremely tiny group of people at the exclusion of everything else. God forbid Callum gets to have morals that he tries to stick to.

#tdp #the dragon prince #callum #rayla #ezran #rayllum #primal magic #dark magic #responding to this on the off chance nonny is not just raayllum

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vickyvicarious · 1 year ago

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Do you think Jonathan's week of silence has to do with his mental state like it did back in June? We know that Seward is silent because you cannot exactly carry your desktop computer to Bulgaria, and Mina is busy having to keep her mind in total secrecy to write updates about anything, but Jonathan is free to write, but doesn't.

...It now also occurs to me that Jonathan must be keeping his journal always on his person, for Mina-Dracula to not take it and read it. Just like in the Castle.

Yes and no. I mean, on the one hand, yeah he's definitely in a rough space right now and I think him refusing to write certain things definitely reflects that. He has to ensure there is a record of anything significant, but he can't bring himself to be the one to write it - I'm talking 11 October here. He made sure Jack wrote it down, which lets us know what happened, but we can only work off Jonathan's silence in not writing it himself (as well as his silence when asked to promise) to decide exactly how he feels about it. It's obvious he's upset but there's not the blatant "and I did not answer her" that we might've seen when reading his own account.* Since he's not alone like he was in the castle, he can afford to outsource the most agonizing events to others and know they will still be preserved. He didn't write Mina's account of the assault on 3 October either, or his own experience when he was kept asleep for that matter. Instead he left that to Jack's record and picked up with what they did afterwards.

But he has written since those moments, after all, when there was something to report. The week-long silence comes after those entries. I think this can still be compared pretty easily to his long silences in the castle... because, along with reflecting his despair, they also reflected long stretches where the situation didn't really change. Sure, it was just as awful. Jonathan and Dracula were still having storytime just about every night. Dracula was still doing his creepy touching. But I genuinely don't believe anything new happened, just stuff that was continuing established patterns. Since Jonathan wasn't getting any new information, he didn't feel the same need to put it in the record. Part of that was certainly that he would feel even more disheartened having to write "mentally & emotionally tormented again today. felt like a rat in a cage again today. chicken for dinner and the count took my arm to lead me in and I felt such intense revulsion I nearly yanked myself away but his grip was just on the edge of not painful and I know what his grip can become so I made myself smile at him instead. again." and so on, day after day. Part of it was certainly that he didn't have the hope/strength to write. Part of it was even likely him trying to preserve room in his likely limited diary space. But also... I think it's just that as soon as Jonathan writes for a purpose, he doesn't put in entries that don't further that purpose.

His purpose in the castle was to document what the fuck was going on with the Count, and also to record his own attempts at escape. When Dracula didn't display any new behaviors and Jonathan himself saw no new avenues to try and risk anything... we gets days and days of silence.

Right now... I think I said this in the tags of a post a few days ago. Jonathan's heart and head are entirely focused on Mina and Dracula right now. In opposing ways, obviously, love vs. hatred, desire to protect vs. desire to destroy, and so on and so forth. But he's focused on them. His purpose for writing is to record what is going on with the hunt for Dracula so that Mina can read it. He will also write about her condition, but I'd say that's almost a lesser priority because his decision on what to do if she turns is made so her continuing to slowly turn doesn't signify anything new for him in a sense. And of course, she'd know it through experience (and he would be there by her side throughout it) whereas the Dracula hunt stuff is what has been kept from her and thus will interest her to know once she can be told things again. But regardless, if Jonathan isn't writing then I think we can assume it is because, just like in the castle, the situation hasn't changed. Dracula is still on the ship. Mina is still sleeping a lot. The men have put their plan into place and currently nothing about it has changed, so there's no need for an update.

As soon as something changes, we'll start hearing from him again. Or at least, he will ensure we hear from someone; he will once again deputize Jack to write it for him if the changes are something he doesn't feel like he can bring himself to talk about.

*(Speaking of, this feels like it goes along with "She is calling to me." He will always answer her call - except that time. Except when she isn't asking him to join her but to kill her. Then he just sits silently.)

As for your thought about Jonathan always keeping his journal on him again.... OUCH, okay. I don't think that Mina has reached the point of being puppeteered in such a way, but they have certainly passed the point of 'if she sees/hears it even accidentally then he'll know too' so that would be reason enough. I also cannot make up my mind whether Jonathan would be the last person to consider such a thing, because he loves Mina so much and wants to deny that Dracula could so fully control her like that... or whether he would be the first person to think of it because he knows the Count so well. Either way, the comparison is fantastic angst.

#dracula daily #jonathan harker #anonymous #replies

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spinningbuster98 · 5 months ago

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Since yesterday we talked about my *favorite* story: I think what really confuses me about the NFCV fans who defend Hector's writing by praising his final action, letting Lenore go, as the rightful conclusion of his character arc... is that it only works if you completely memory hole S3.

Hector is introduced as someone who burned his own parents alive after a childhood of abuse, bitter enough to believe humanity needed to be culled. From this perspective, him learning to forgive Lenore, or at least granting her mercy and dignity, could be a good character development. But Hector through the show was not written to be bitter, vengeful and violent: that was Isaac.

Or alternatively, Hector's biggest flaw is that he needs to be loved, so much that his favorite spell is reanimating dead animals so that they could love him unconditionally. He forces those creatures to him. He keeps this behavior by clinging to Dracula, then Carmilla (he could have ran away, he chose to stay with her after Dracula's death), then Lenore (after Carmilla's death and Isaac making him live, Lenore became his only certainty in life). From this perspective, him not forcing Lenore to live an existence she didn't want to live, but accepting her decision, could be poignant. But Hector never actively sought anyone: he was swayed and lured in. Besides, his pets stopped being relevant after S2.

Hector's arc was one of passivity. You can't miss it: even Isaac points out that Hector lacked agency. Hector spent his entire arc being thrown around left and right, lied to, beaten, humiliated, dehumanized, and he simply... existed. He has no objective, he barely has any negative emotions. Hector in S3 was a blow up doll, and we audience were meant to laugh at his stupidity while jerking off over the submissive and breedable peggable guy being called "good boy". S4 pretends he grew, with his working behind the scenes to resurrect Dracula, but it's not enough, for all the reasons we know. That's why him letting Lenore go feels like the last spit in the face for him: not only Hector is the only character in the season who is left with a bittersweet ending at best, but... he didn't do anything to affirm himself. He didn't choose to leave Lenore: Lenore chose to leave him, and he simply nodded to that. He didn't talk to her about their problematic relationship, now that nothing was between them. He didn't take the chance to recognize his own self-worth in the same way Isaac did. We don't know what he plans to do with Isaac, we don't know if he plans to leave the castle at some point. The pattern of him going "sure why not" at everything thrown at him was not shaken.

(I don't need to tell you that as someone who loves the original Hector's story precisely for the way he seizes agency for himself, this pisses me off something fierce. More idealistic? Maybe, but also encouraging.)

I'll be honest: Hector as a character is so empty that I feel his fans simply project themselves into him, especially victims of abuse who see the way he crawled back to Lenore and think that it was an intentionally nuanced representation of the way abuse twists your mind and priorities. And if his story resonates with you, I can't take it away from you, but I can assure you that the guy who spent a whole episode writing his puppy fetish for no reason other than fanservice does not give a single shit about the realism of abuse, let alone the things he was accused of.

And I wonder if the same can be applied to other aspects of the show, like Trephacard's friendship that straight up doesn't exist on screen, or Isaac's "development" which might resonate with people similar to him. Just a lot of projecting and filling in the holes, of which the show has plenty because it would rather waste its time with pointless filibustering and people being mean and crass to each other or piss jokes.

This is gonna sound very cynical but the main reason for the show's success is, essentially, that it's superficially deep and insightful.

Superficial presentation can go a very, very long way in hiding very egregious writing flaws, stuff like great fight scenes, emotional music and dialogues that sounds very cool, philosophical and deep can easily convince people that what they're watching is far more than it really is. These are cases where, if you don't pay attention to the finer details, you would really be led to believe that it's exactly what the show is presenting itself as

As another example: Sonic fans, even after all of these years, still like to parade Mephiles around as the best written villain in the series, even though his plan makes less than zero sense. This is because he looks cool (?), has cool powers, has a cool voice and the game consistently presents him as a mastermind...so folks fall for it, it's all about the vibes and how they emotionally impact the viewers, who in turn don't tackle the material with actual critical thought. Some seem to do so, given the plethora of in-depth analysis of characters like Isaac, but, and I know this is really offensive of me to say, I think they are still being influenced by the emotional impact of the way the story likes to present itself, preventing them from truly being 100% objective

People see Hector's pseudo philosophical speech to Lenore, they see her killing herself with the beautiful cinematography and music, and they mistake it for actual art, because it makes them forget or reinterpret the likes of S3. The reason why so many undermine or even justify Lenore's treatment of Hector in S3 is not, I believe, out of genuine rape apologism, but rather becaus people have a subconscious need to have everything neatly fit into their view of events

The ending of S4 looks so beautiful and deep and meaningful, but their relationship in S3 is in direct contradiction of that, so instead of recognizing that they twist the facts in their own head in order for all of it to make sense, because if you admit the existence of S3 as it truly was to yourself, then S4 and it's "beautiful" emotional impact falls apart like a ton of bricks

This is sounding very arrogant if not downright misanthropic I know, as I'm essentially saying that people don't know how to consume the media they like and that they don't even truly know what it is that they like. I feel a bit ashamed in saying this because it's the type of reasoning that would anger me usually, especially if directed at me, so in a way I guess I'm being hypocritical...but I truly don't see any other way to explain this phenomenon

Isaac is, of course, another good example: it's "easy" for most people to forget his hypocrisy because the show puts such a laser focus on his "development" and emotions and philosophy etc. It's like dangling keys in front of a toddler in order to distract them from some other thing

Something like Other M could have had the same effect, but the difference I feel is that Other M is far more egregious in its superficial dialogue: Samus sounds boring and stupid even at a surface level, she can't fool the audience, and Adam's character doesn't feature nowhere close as many "distractions" from his shitty behavior, especially since the authorization mechanic is pervasive throughout the whole game, so people immediately see what a douchebag he is and how self contradicting the story is about him.

#anti netflixvania

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blakeswritingimagines · 1 year ago

Text

Kink list with Gross Best Friend! Jacaerys Velaryon

Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Aftercare is something that is not on his radar. He's all for the fun and excitement in the moment, but once it's all over and done with, he's ready to move on. He may make a passing joke or two in order to keep it light, but overall, he doesn't really care about how the other person feels afterward. It's all about the present and the experience, not about the aftermath or consequences. That said, he wouldn't go out of his way to harm someone either. It's just not a priority after the fact.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite body part of his is his ass. He's worked hard to maintain a shapely and firm figure, and it's something he's very proud of. When it comes to his partners, he doesn't have a particular favorite part, but he does really enjoy seeing you in all your glory. That means being able to appreciate all of your body parts equally.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He might make a suggestion or two, but ultimately it's your decision where you want him to cum. He'll try to be respectful of others' preferences and boundaries, and if that means keeping his own thoughts to himself, then so be it. Besides, it may be more fun to find out what you want in the moment rather than having it planned out ahead of time. That's all part of the adventure!

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He has many dirty, kinky secrets. So let me just give you a few of them. He's obsessed with leather and lace and enjoys wearing them together. He loves to play games and role-play with you, and he doesn't mind giving up control and letting someone else be in charge if that's what you want. He's also a big fan of lingerie and enjoys seeing how creative people can be with that.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He's very experienced, and he likes to think that he knows what he's doing. He is desperate a firm believer in having an open mind and exploring different things in the bedroom. Even if something isn't necessarily his cup of tea, He's more than willing to give it a go and see how it goes. He's always up for trying new positions and experimenting with different techniques. Ultimately, it's all about having fun and embracing one's inner pervert for him.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

* Missionary - for the sense of intimacy and closeness it provides.

* Cowgirl - for the level of control it gives him over you.

* Spooning - for the feeling of comfort and safety it creates or just the fact he can't help himself.

* Doggy - for the raw, primal nature of the position.

Ultimately, he doesn't have one single favorite position, but several that he enjoys and keeps in rotation.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He is both serious and humorous in the moment. He takes pleasure in what he's doing, but he also doesn't take himself too seriously. He is always up for making you laugh, whether it is with a snide comment or a dirty joke. It all comes down to reading the room and adapting his approach accordingly.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

If he didn't keep himself well-groomed, he'd still be the same gross, perverted best friend he always is. Sure, it may not be as easy to clean up or look at down there when there's not always a thought behind his eyes but he tries.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

The romantic aspect during "the moment" isn't his top priority. He would rather focus on the physical and sensual aspects of the situation and let the romance come naturally if it does. He is definitely not someone who feels the need to have roses and chocolates present before having a good time in bed.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He is simply motivated by his own desires and needs and doesn't really feel the need to create a narrative around the act. He sees it as a way to relieve stress, satisfy his urges, and have a good time on his own. It is his private, personal time and he doesn't really need to create a story around it. He simply does what feels good and enjoys the release it provides.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

* Dominance and Submission

* Bondage and Discipline

* Spanking

* Anal Play

* Group fun

* Body Worship

* Humiliation and Degradation

* Voyeurism and Exhibitionism

* Pegging

* Cross Dressing

* Femdom and Male Submissive Play

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

* Home sweet home

* Hotels or vacation rentals

* Outdoors in nature

* Public places

* Office break room

* Public bathrooms

* Car

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

* Sensual touch and caressing

* Passionate kissing and tongue flirting

* Dirty talk and teasing

* Sexy outfits

* Being in the moment and engaging in the action

* Exploring new and different things (positions, styles, techniques, etc)

He's a literal desperate horndog, the wind hits him and he's hard and you could just ask to have sex and he's ready.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

* Being judgmental and/or cruel with your words or actions

* Lack of communication, especially when it comes to expectations

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

It is hard to pick just one that is best because they are all fun in their own way. If he had to choose, it being on the receiving end is his favorite, simply because it allows him to relax and enjoy the pleasure being given to him. He is always willing to switch things up now and again and give you a taste of your own medicine.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He can be both fast and rough or slow and sensual, depending on his mood and the situation. For him, it's all about having fun and being in the moment. Sometimes, he wants to let loose and be rough and wild, while other times, he wants to be more tender and gentle. Sometimes, he wants to go fast and get right to it, while other times, he wants to take things slow and enjoy the ride. Life is too short to only have one kind of sex.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He is a big fan of quickies. There's nothing quite like a spontaneous mid-day romp to spice up your day. Quickies can be fun and exciting, as they leave you wanting more and give you a little taste of what's to come. He enjoys them often and think they should be part of his everyday life. However, he also believes in having "proper sex" at appropriate times.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He is all for experimenting and taking risks. He believes that life is too short to be stuck in your comfort zone or follow the same routine all the time. He is open-minded and willing to try new things, especially when it comes to sex and sexuality at least wherever he can get it. He wants to explore and experiment with you to find new ways to have fun and feel pleasure. Taking some risks every now and then is worth the reward of discovering something new that you can both enjoy.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He is not one to count how many rounds or keep track of time. For him, it is all about enjoyment and pleasure in the moment. He is not concerned with how many times you go or how long he lasts, as long as everyone is having a good time.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He does own some toys, and he does use them from time to time with you or on his own. He enjoys the variety and spice they add to a sexual encounter, and he likes to experiment with different kinds of toys to keep things fresh and interesting. He is not shy or ashamed about using toys and seeing them as part of the experience.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Teasing can be a fun and lighthearted way to create excitement and a sense of anticipation. He often uses teasing as a way to get you in the mood and build up the desire before he finally makes a move. He derives pleasure from seeing you squirm and be unable to control yourself any longer. He'll use every trick in the book to keep you hot and bothered.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He can be both loud and quiet during sex and it depends on the situation and his mood. In general, he's fairly vocal during sexual activity and doesn't hold back on his sounds. He expresses his pleasure and enjoyment by moaning and grunting with a whimper now and again.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He has a few wild and dirty secrets. Here's one for you to mull over. In his spare time, he sometimes enjoys dressing up in feminine clothing and makeup and pretending to be someone he's not. This includes wigs and accessories to complete the look. He doesn't know what it is about it, but he finds it to be quite a thrill.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

I'd say it's an average of around 7 inches. However, he is not one to measure or keep track of things like this as it doesn't matter since he's normally just looking to use it in one way or another.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

His sex drive is fairly high. He enjoys sex and physical pleasure and seeks it out regularly. This includes masturbation, one-night stands, and intimate relationships with partners. He is driven to seek out and engage in sexual activity and finds it to be an important part of life.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

After a good session of horizontal tango, he finds that he can typically fall asleep quickly and easily. He is usually quite exhausted and satisfied after doing the deed and finds himself sleeping like a log almost instantly. This is especially true if it has been a while since he's last been with a partner, as the exhaustion and release of tension can be quite overwhelming. He has been known to drift off just minutes after the act, but he thinks that adds to the pleasure and satisfaction of the entire experience.

#jacaerys velaryon x reader #jacaerys valaryon x reader #jacaerys x reader #prince jacaerys #jacaerys velaryon #jacaerys x you #gross best friend! jacaerys velaryon #kink list

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