#like I got that meeting with instructor and first classmate today!!

[dreamieparadise]

Stuck between "should I sleep for 3 hours before I gotta get ready for class?" And the fear that doing so will fuck me up because I'm disabled and my body hates me. lol

I've been up since 2am working on a Final Project + my classmates shopify website. Why did I do it so late? Felt like shit earlier. Also, we suffered 5 blackouts yesterday lmaoooo I hate this house sooo bad. Kill it and the private landlord company with fire. 🤲🏾✨️

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I encouraged a classmate to make a complaint about our instructor?

😶🗣️

I'm a college student, everyone involved is an adult. Myself and classmates are in our 20s and our instructor is an older man (60s)

I'm currently taking an online business communications class in college. Recently, we were assigned a team project. For a bit of context, our instructor is a bit of a hard ass, as they say. A rule in class is that your camera must be on at all times. Prior to the start of this team project there wasn't any real consequence for not having your camera on besides our instructor stopping the lesson to ask why your camera is off. However he told us that at the start of this team project it will be mandatory and that having it off will result in docked marks on this project.

Today was the first day we got to work on it, and shortly after our team got to work one of our team members told us that he needed to take a few minutes to pray because he is Muslim. Of course everyone on our team told him that was fine and to go ahead, that we'd catch him up on what we got done when he returned. So he turns off his camera and leaves to go pray, we continue working on the project, everything is fine. Shortly after he gets back, before he turned his camera back on, our instructor joins our Teams call to check in on us. Almost immediately he asks why our classmate's camera is off, and before anyone really got a chance to explain he starts saying that it's mandatory and disrespectful to the rest of the team not to have your camera on. Eventually another team member gets a word in and tells our instructor that our team mate's camera was off because he was praying, and our instructor told us that it doesn't matter what the reason is, that we all have a commitment to our team to be present at meetings. He left shortly after, and we got back to work without saying much about it.

Before I go on I'll say that I'm white and not Muslim. I haven't gone to the instructor to complain myself because I worry that doing that would come across as trying to be a 'white saviour' as they say. Furthermore, my classmate is an adult, and I don't feel like it's appropriate for me to go straight to the instructor without talking to the person who was affected first.

However, it's been bothering me since I got out of class. I think it's completely fair for him to take a few minutes away from class to pray, and everyone else on my team agrees. I'm definitely going to include my feelings about this in the anonymous instructor feedback at the end of the term. However I also thought to talk to my classmate and tell him that he should complain directly to the instructor about this, and that if he does I'll back him up.

So WIBTA and should I just let him sort it out himself?

What are these acronyms?

[nctstany]

Love Me Now

Pairing: Jaeyong (Jaehyun x Taeyong)

Plot: All Taeyong wants to do is finish his last two years of college in peace but since he’s the son of a famous CEO he must do something he never thought he would do even in his next life time, marry his ‘enemy’.

Genre: Light angst, fluff, angst, smut???, light smut??, language, sexual themes, family problems, *cough cough* daddy issues

EIGHTEEN

Taeyong can’t believe it’s finally the day. Two things are happening today; he is finally presenting his final project and is going to see Jaehyun. He doesn’t know what to be more nervous about. Granted he knows that his dance was approved by some classmates, some were even jealous of it. It’s still nerve wracking knowing that he could mess up at any part or move. Even with the idea of Jaehyun coming and he’s going to see him, jeez I’m making myself feel worse. 

He looked around the hall that was easily being filled up by audience members and performers. The performers are going in last name order so he’s thankful for not being last or first. Somewhere in the middle is fine with him. He doesn’t know why he’s staying out in the hall and not backstage. It’s not like he’s waiting for anyone before the performances start. Mark and Doyoung are coming but are running late. Jaehyun got caught up with work but he promised to make it before Taeyong went on. 

Does it make Taeyong feel something……almost sad? He’s used to it, since he was young nobody was really able to meet him in the hall before his performances. 

It doesn’t really matter. 

“Everyone please get to your seats! We are starting!” 

Last year he did a more upbeat song and his instructor was sort of disappointed by it. She loves his more contemporary style so he took her comment and made it his final performance. He still remembers the day he told her, the pure joy of her face. 

Taeyong waited for his turn while other performers took their turns. Taeyong would be lying if he said that he wasn’t peeking from backstage to see if Jaehyun was in the crowd. Not that he could see since the audience has no lighting placed on them. 

He waited for his turn, pacing in the back because he’s waiting for something……someone. Maybe he’s over thinking it but he thinks that he’s not doing it enough. 

Jaehyun: I’m here. 

Jaehyun: You look amazing……by the way.

A smile was placed across his face. A feeling was placed in his stomach. 

I can’t wait to see you……

“Next is Lee Taeyong to the stage!” 

I can do this……just feel the music.

He stood in his position waiting for his song to play. Cheering in the distance and compliments from peers. It started so he moved, smooth with his movements, light on his feet. He didn’t miss a step. He didn’t miss a beat, every movement was detailed.

He wasn’t just dancing he was acting. Showing emotion, making sure to get the point across that the song is emotional. 

It was finished. 

They cheered. 

Taeyong finally breathed. He was finally able to breathe. He went backstage and was greeted by his dance teacher, the one that was excited for his performance.

“You were amazing! I’m so proud of you!” She pulled him into a hug, doing little hops as she held him. 

“A scout was here and I was talking to him. He wanted your contact info so I gave it to him.” 

“Oh my god, really?” She nodded while smiling. They chatted a little more but then she left to go back to the performances. Taeyong stayed backstage until it was over, peaking through to see a few people he knew that also performed. He mainly just sat on the floor……thinking about Jaehyun.

He says that he’s here but what if he got busy last night. What if he didn’t stay to see me? What if I can’t see him anymore?

The show was over and all the performers got up on the stage to bow. While doing it Taeyong looked into the crowd and tried to look but still it was dark. Everyone went out into the hall and audience members met with the people that they came for.

Taeyong was alone again.

He hates that he’s used to it.

“Hi, Taeyong.”

Taeyong looked in front of him. Eyes big and body shaking. 

“Look at my baby boy.” His mother smiled, walking over to him with her crane and free arm out for a hug. Taeyong walked over to her with a little bit more speed. Holding her tightly instantly.

“How- who brought you here?” 

“He did.” His mother pointed over to her right and Taeyong’s heart skipped a beat. Jaehyun stood there with flowers in his hand and a small smile on his face. Taeyong couldn’t believe it. Did he get more handsome?

“Hi.” Taeyong sounded breathless.

“Hey…” Jaehyun kept eye contact. “Um- these are for you.” He handed Taeyong the bouquet of flowers and Taeyong used them to cover his face.

“I picked them out!” Mark came out from behind Jaehyun and Doyoung followed along, “No you didn’t.”

Taeyong was speechless, happiest filled up his body. So much so that his eyes began to tear up.

“Oh no, don’t cry.” Doyoung tried to comfort him but Jaehyun placed his hands on Taeyong’s shoulder, squeezing it.

“I’m not.”

They all reassured him and continued to compliment him about his performance, saying what part was their favorite. The event was wrapping up, everyone saying goodbye as they went separate ways or together to continue enjoying the night. Mark and Doyoung left together, Taeyong’s mother left in the company car and Jaehyun was left. Standing off to the side waiting for Taeyong to say goodbye to his mom and others that walked up to him. 

“I was gonna wish you good luck out there but you didn’t need it.” Jaehyun spoke once Taeyong came back over to him, “You were great.” 

“Thanks.” Taeyong smiled, making Jaehyun smile too. Now they just stood there in silence. Jaehyun kept staring and Taeyong looked around acknowledging the compliment. 

They both went to say something and laughed when they cut each other off. 

“Go first.”

“I just wanted to thank you for being her and for coming.”

“Thanks for inviting me.” Jaehyun's eyes shined, “I’m glad you did.” Taeyong just kept laughing, like a speechless idiot. He couldn’t stop. Jaehyun looked amazing from every angle. Just seeing him like this, being in front of him wasn’t real to Taeyong. He remembered the feeling of guilt after that day when they had that argument. 

Will I ever get to see this again?

"Do you wanna go out….? For dinner...with me next weekend?" 

"I would love to."

~~

Jae:::: I’ll pick you up at 7

It’s finally time……Taeyong couldn’t hold his excitement as he frantically ran around trying to finish getting ready. 

“You look nice.” Doyoung smiled and Taeyong smiled back but Mark interfered, “Hot, that’s the word he wanted to use.” 

Doyoung rolled his eyes. Mark grinned while walking over to Taeyong, staring at him from the mirror. 

“What?” Taeyong looked over at him as he still had his big grin.

"Don't come back." 

"You don't even live here." 

"Still! Don't come back tonight~"

“I’m coming back.” Taeyong said then looked back at the mirror with a murmur, “Hopefully with Jaehyun.” The other two cooed and Taeyong couldn’t stop the smile from coming out. 

“Go have fun, stupid.” Doyoung gently pushed him towards the door and that was what Taeyong needed. 

“See you guys later!” 

Jaehyun was able to get reservations for a really popular restaurant thanks to his mother knowing the owner. He was even able to get a private corner with a view of the city.

“It’s beautiful.” Taeyong cooed as he looked outside, seeing the city lights down below. “It’s like the view at your house.” 

They settled into their seats. Jaehyun ordered for them and got the most expensive bottle of wine they had. 

“What’s the big plan after graduation?” Jaehyun sipped the freshly poured wine. 

“Maybe move away? A couple of talent agencies have offered me some upcoming shows but I don’t know yet.”

“And my dad hasn’t bothered me.” Taeyong added with a sigh of relief thinking about how he’s done with his father for good. 

“I’m glad you got what you wanted.” 

I didn’t in the end. 

“I guess……how about you? What has Jung Jaehyun been up to?”

“I’m actually seeing someone at the moment.”

"As in dating or hallucinations?" Taeyong joked with a raised eyebrow. 

“I missed you making fun of me.” Jaehyun looked up from his wine with a little smile and stared at it for a bit. Silence grew between them, both holding their breaths and Taeyong had his face wandering.

I missed you too.

“No but yeah. I was dating people for a bit.” Jaehyun put it bluntly and so did Taeyong.

“You aren’t wearing your ring.” 

Jaehyun looked down at his ring finger and bit the inside of his cheek, “You heard about that.”

Taeyong nodded with a smile but on the inside he’s holding back his feelings . His true feelings, what he actually wants to say. How he actually wants to express himself right now.

“Yeah but-”

Taeyong raised his glass and put it in front of Jaehyun, making them cheer the glasses together. 

“You don’t have to explain……I’m happy for you.”

You are?

~~

The night ended with Jaehyun bringing the other home even though he wanted to walk. Taeyong almost got away with it but the stumble walking out the restaurant made Jaehyun put him in the car. 

“You didn’t have to walk me to the door.” A little stumble again had Taeyong cling to Jaehyun. 

“I know but I wanted to.”

Taeyong shook his head with a smile.

“Goodnight.” Jaehyun said and began to walk back to his car but was stopped with Taeyong tugging at his sleeve.

“Um……do you want to come in? For a drink, I just got a bottle of wine that I wanted to try.” Taeyong’s face was blushed red and stance was unsure. 

“I don’t know….” Jaehyun stared at him, trying to see if Taeyong was sure about all this, “You are convincing though.”

Jaehyun was led inside and motioned to sit down. Taeyong grabbed the bottle that was sitting on the counter as if he told Mark to leave it there. 

“It’s a nice apartment but my house is better.” Jaehyun teased with a grin.

“Not everyone wants a mansion, Jaehyun.”

“Why not? Let’s get a mansion!”

“It wouldn’t be us two in that mansion.” Taeyong didn’t mean to sound bitter or to show emotion, it was a stab at Jaehyun but more at himself. They knew it and just ignored the sudden silence to start up a conversation.

“Did you decide on the company you are going to work with?”

“They all sound nice but the one my mom went to never gave me an offer. I wanted to go for that one but now I don’t know. I only did my research on that one.” Taeyong said while he relaxed more on the couch.

“But I want to know about the big news.” He cut off Jaehyun before he could say anything, “You’re an engaged man having a drink with your ex husband.”

Jaehyun forced out a laugh while he finished his drink and poured another. 

“Does she know?”

“I guess~” Jaehyun sipped his wine and sighed, cutting it off short. Taeyong saw what he was doing. 

“Tell me about her, come one stop being so mean.”

“My mom set us up. She’s her friend’s daughter who wants to get married fast.”

“I better be invited to the wedding.” Jaehyun didn’t say anything, just sipped his wine again, avoiding Taeyong’s eyes. He wanted the conversation to end already.

“Do you love her?” Taeyong asked without missing a beat. 

“You sound like my mother.” Jaehyun tsked and laid back on the couch, smirking with annoyance. He just wanted to……finish my drink? This has to be like the third one. He felt Taeyong’s stare in the side of his face. Maybe I need another drink. He reached for the bottle and Taeyong cleared his throat. 

“Do you?” 

“I don’t know.”

“Why?”

“Taeyong.” Jaehyun’s voice was stirred and deep, “Why are you prying so much?”

“I want to know.”

“Why?”

“I need to know.”

“She isn’t you.” Jaehyun’s voice was deep and a little bit of pain was behind it. 

“I’m sorry.” Taeyong moved away once he went silent and looked over at the bottle of wine. He grabbed it and walked into the kitchen. 

I think I need to drink this whole damn bottle…..and so more. 

While Taeyong was in the kitchen Jaehyun stayed on the couch, thinking to himself. He looked down and peeked over at Taeyong, seeing his back side only. He looked him up and down remembering the times where he would catch himself staring like this. 

Without realizing he was behind Taeyong, pressing his body into his and wrapped his arm around him. 

“I’ve liked you ever since we were kids.” Jaehyun confessed while hiding his face in Taeyong’s neck.  

“Then why haven’t you said anything?” Taeyong turned around quickly, feeling his heart skip, “Why say something when you’re going to get married?”

“I told her it wasn’t going to work the day I met her.”

Taeyong couldn’t believe his ears. His body reacted to the news first, grabbing the other’s neck and kissing him deeply. Both of them signed into it. Taeyong broke away from it, Jaehyun whining in protest with his eyes glossy and face flushed red. 

“Why didn’t you say that before?”

“I was trying to make you jealous.” Jaehyun looked down at him while he unbuttoned his shirt, eyes dark and voice low. “Did it work?”

Taeyong’s knees went weak. “In every way….it absolutely did.” 

Their lips crashed into each other this time. Kissing like it would be the last time that they would ever but Jaehyun will make sure that doesn’t happen ever again. 

Desperate to feel the other. 

Desperate to touch each other more.

Before it got too intense in the kitchen, Taeyong led them to his room as he undressed himself in the process. Jaehyun was doing the same, unzipping his pants but not having his other hand leave Taeyong’s body. Grabbing his ass and moving his hand closer to the other’s cock. Taeyong gasped then kissed him harder, driving Jaehyun crazy; throwing him on the bed to climb on top of him. He rubbed against Taeyong’s cock with a deep grind and a deep moan. Veins popping out of his neck, Taeyong also moved his hips into the grind. 

Before Taeyong knew what his body was doing he was flipping them over. He stripped Jaehyun of his pants and underwear to reveal his massive hard cock, it twitched in front of his face. 

Jaehyun looked down with half lidded eyes and grinned, he grabbed his cock and rubbed it against Taeyong’s mouth. The other didn’t hesitate and took him in his mouth.

“Taeyong~” Jaehyun swallowed a moan and bit down on his lip.  He grabbed Taeyong by the hair then slowly moved his hips, having his cock moved in and out of Taeyong’s throat. They both moved faster after only a few seconds causing Jaehyun’s moan to get louder and deeper.

Taeyong’s cock throbbed. 

“Baby, wait…” Jaehyun stopped him and flipped them over again.

He laid Taeyong on the bed and moved down south, taking off Taeyong's pants and underwear. He left kisses along his thighs and stomach, making Taeyong squirm from the sensation. Kissing down more and stopping right above his cock. 

Taeyong’s breath hitched as he felt wet warmth on his cock, looking down with a shaky breath. Making eye contact with Jaehyun as he sucked his cock, keeping the eye contact which made Taeyong turn red. Jaehyun pushed down deeper, having Taeyong’s cock hit the back of his throat.

“Jaehyun, wait. It’s-“ Taeyong pulled Jaehyun’s hair and arched his back. Jaehyun let go to make his fingers wet and proceed to enter Taeyong. Which made a whine escape his mouth but a gasping moan happened once Jaehyun started to eat him out, making sure to also stroke his cock for extra sensation. One more big moan and Taeyong came on his own stomach. Breathing heavily he pulled Jaehyun down for a kiss. Jaehyun’s cock twitched near Taeyong’s entrance, rubbing against it.

I just want to ram it in you. 

“Can I?”

Taeyong didn’t respond instead he pushed his hips down and made Jaehyun slip in causing them both to moan. 

“You fucking- shit……oh my god.” Jaehyun’s hips moved naturally. Thrusting in slow and pulling out but leaving his tip in.

“Don’t tighten up, baby.” Pleasure was written all over Jaehyun’s face as he grunted while thrusting in again. All Taeyong could do was breathe out moans. 

Jaehyun thrusted with a rhythm in his hips. The sound of their combined moans and slapping of skin filled the room. 

“You feel fucking amazing.” Jaehyun grabbed hold of the other’s legs, tightening his grip around them to bring himself deeper. It worked all too well. Taeyong’s hips moved on their own due to the pleasure. Their motives got faster within seconds, the tension got higher all the while they never broke eye contact.

Jaehyun couldn’t believe what was happening. What he’s able to see right now. Taeyong breathlessly in pleasure, his own cock thrusting in and out of………him.

The love of his life.  

"I love you." Taeyong breathlessly said and trapped Jaehyun in between his legs, kissing him deeply, having Jaehyun throb inside of him. Jaehyun came inside the other instantly after those three words, holding him tightly in his arms.

“That’s not fair.” Jaehyun groaned out, collapsing on top of the other. “You can’t just use the L word when I’m inside you.” 

“That’s the best time to say it.” Taeyong giggled, rubbing Jaehyun’s back since he’s still getting over his climax. “I love you, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun looked up at him with a dorkish smile and kissed him sweetly.

“I love you too, Taeyong. So much.” 

They spent the time in each other’s arms.

[levanterhaze]

✧ SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK (LEE KNOW)

→ dancer!lee know xdancer!f.reader

→ word count: 2.4k

→ when dancing is all you know, it becomes your great passion. studying at the apollo school of arts is like a dream come true. in one of your accomplishments, you have to work with one of the greatest talents called lee minho and accept that maybe feelings are confusing and abstract like slow dancing alone in the dark.

→ warnings: lots of angst in this one lol

CHAPTER THREE — (masterlist)

playlist: you don't go to parties anymore, 5sos.

Minho didn't mind being the prime focus. He was always clear about what he wanted from an early age and his ambitions never got in the way of him. Everyone recognized him and he didn't care. He was there for a reason.

It’d be the first day of being an instructor for Ms. Oh and he was self-reliant about it. While preparing the stereo for the beginning of the class, before the teacher arrived, he watched the room’s motion.

And something caught his attention. A new person. Talking to you.

He knew well who his classmates were, and Mingi wasn't one of them. Then Minho was baffled not knowing why he was with you, talking absently while pulling the dark blue strands back. He didn't realize he was pulling the cord until the stereo unplugged, causing a loud thud to echo through the room.

“Why are you staring at Mingi like you want to kill him?” Jisung suddenly appears, stretching his arms and pulling them by the elbow.

"You're seeing things."

"I think not. Did something happen that I'm not aware of?”

"No." Minho finished fixing all the appliances and raised his eyebrows. "You’re nosy."

“And you never tell me anything. Unfair. I’m your best friend.”

"Yeah. You're." They both pause and Jisung narrowed his eyes. Minho grins. "Unfortunately."

"I'll kill you."

And then Jisung pushed his best friend, trying to mount his back and making Minho laugh.

Mrs. Oh arrived in moments and the class started. The instructors helped the students who had more difficulty in some lessons, like breathing properly or getting some choreography positions that the teacher passed as a test. Most of them were doing well on the exercises, but sometimes someone would lose focus or balance, requiring help from one of the three.

Yeji smiled shyly at Minho as he helped her by holding her arms. It was the second time she had tripped over her own feet and that made him go to help her.

"Sorry, I'm a little lost today," Yeji mutters embarrassingly, feeling Minho's firm fingers around her wrist.

He just stammers something Yeji can barely hear. He's looking at you. Mingi and you. And the way he's shining at you like you've known each other for ages. And it infuriates him, he can't say why, but it infuriates him deeply.

"Everything’s fine?" Yeji asks as she tries to catch Minho's eye.

"Yes, everything is great. Just keep your balance, all right?”

He walks away from Yeji and walks back to the other side of the room, repeating the same movement as the other students, but his eyes betray him and he finds himself looking at you and Mingi now and then, just to see if your closeness continues and he tries to ignore the way Mingi looks at you, or the way his hands hold yours when he tries to steady himself, but deep down, he can't.

Fuck all this. He can barely understand why there's a soreness in the pit of his stomach that creeps up to his core like a tremor.

So the class goes by almost too fast and when everyone leaves, there are only three students left: the instructors. Chaeryeong offers to get the three of you some snacks and you accept an iced coffee and Minho too.

There’s a makeshift table used by Ms. Oh, so the three of you get together for your first meeting. You sit across from Minho, who’s tirelessly typing something into his computer.

“So, I was thinking” you start, clasping hands on the table. “We should think about a concept for our presentation.”

You wait patiently for a response, but Minho looks nonchalantly while not paying you any attention. You frown, leaning your body forward. “Are you listening to me?”

He sighs tiredly. You feel uneasy, as if you were a thorn in his side. “What do you want?”

You raise your brows. “I just said it but I guess you’re too busy to listen.”

“Thank God! You noticed I’m actually busy, congrats.” Minho doesn't even bother to glance at you. That comment made you drift away. 

“What's up with that attitude?” He made it. He managed to annoy you deeply. 

“What attitude?” He looks at you, briefly. “I just said I’m busy.”

“No, you did not.” You add through clenched teeth. “I don’t get you. First, you show up at my dorm saying you’d like to team up and when I try to cooperate you just treat me like shit?”

He closes his laptop with a swat, finally peeking at you. Somehow you find it so bothersome to pay attention as his eyes sail roughly through your face. It’s ridiculous how dainty he is, like a fucking Adonis or some shit like that, and it’s absurd that he can look this good when he’s being a total asshole. 

“Sorry to disappoint you, but not everyone’s lusting over you, giving you all the attention. Some of us are just busy, y’know?”

You were stumped. Your blood turns into thin ice. What was going on?

“Uh-Is everything okay?” Chaeryeong’s voice fills the place in a lovely innocent tone. You look at her discomfiting. Whatever Minho was going through, you didn’t want to be part of it. You weren't going to let him treat you like this, all shitty and everything. 

“Yeah. I-Um, actually, I have to finish some assignments for tomorrow. I’ll just email you my notes, ok?” You didn’t even worry about waiting for an answer, even though it wasn’t fair to Chaeryeong who doesn’t have shit to do about Minho’s shitty attitude. 

You haven’t any assignment to do, but you couldn't bear to be in the same room with Minho for any five minutes, so you need an excuse. You did send Chaeryeong your notes for the meeting and you wrote an apology in the footnotes, hoping she wouldn’t think you were unprofessional. 

Campus was dead silent at this time. Most of the students were having class at the moment, so there were a few people who wandered across the green premises. You felt weary. Like if you had run an intense marathon and it had drained all your energy.

Unfortunately, you couldn't focus on anything more than what happened earlier. How did he expect you to team up with him if he had this kind of attitude toward you? It was so out of the blue that you couldn’t even react properly. You knew he was mellow and austere, but you didn’t know that passive-aggressive shit about him. 

But how could you? You were not friends with him. 

You gasp while typing on your phone. One word was all it took for Yunjin to drop whatever she was doing to come to you. You typed in caps lock METEORITE. The code between the two of you when something wasn’t right and the antidote was to stick together. 

She found you in the nearest cafe. You ordered two choco chip frappuccinos because it was her favorite and you needed something sweet to make up for Minho’s bitterness. Yunjin was all in pink, in a cute dress, and her strawberry hair was loose in cute waves like a barbie doll. 

“What happened?” She sat in front of you. “I was doing my nails but I ran the fastest I could.”

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. Was something with Ms. Oh?”

“Actually, it was Minho.” Yunjin's motion ghosts in the air, the straw almost going to her nostrils. She widens her eyes and then takes a long sip of her coffee. 

Then it took you almost ten minutes to explain everything that happened and Yunjin gave you her best support, saying she didn’t know Minho was like that. She hangs out with him more times than you, because of Changbin, etc. It was fine, you just needed some kind of stimulus not to believe you were overreacting.

You were not. Minho was being a bitch.

“You know what? Changbin just told me about this Pool Party next week and you’re coming with me.”

“I have nothing to wear.”

She looks at you with that grin with genius potential. “Maybe I have something in mind.”

The week passed quickly. Classes were great, and you're doing good with the instruction thing but you were late in preparation for the final presentation and that was on Minho. 

He didn't speak to you at all. Every time you walked into the room, he dodged every second of it. Chaeryeong didn't say a thing but of course, she noted something was off. You just admitted you had to do your presentation by yourself, without him, because he was being a dick as usual. 

So, Saturday came in like a breeze in the summer. Yunjin set up a nice black swimsuit for you to wear. She chose a strawberry-pink one for her, just to match her essence. The party was taking place at somebody’s house, but you knew that somebody was friends with the seven — Changbin, Felix, Hyunjin, Bangchan, Jisung, Jisung, Seungmin, and Minho. 

You had everything you needed when you came. It was a hot day so everyone was already at the pool. You found Felix and Seungmin in the kitchen. Felix was slashing oranges and limes to make some booze, you guessed. 

“Hey, stranger.” Felix grins when his eyes land on you. “Take this. It tastes sweet?”

You take a sip from whatever he was doing before. It was refreshing and sweet with a little bit of alcohol. “It’s perfect.”

“Told you, no more limes.” Felix points at Seungmin, who serves himself a cup of that drink.

You step out, feeling a little odd cause you only knew some people at this party. Some guys were playing with Nerfs in the pool and you were sure you had a glimpse of Jisung shooting water at Hyunjin. Yunjin was with her lovely boy — almost boyfriend. They were on so many dates that they should just be together at this point.

But she seemed happy and that was all.

You joined them, sitting on the rim of the pool. Felix hands you another glass.

That day was already nice, spattering water on Yunjin and Seungmin with Nerfs. Teaming up with Jisung just to see who swims faster. Eating Felix’s brownies and drinking a lot of that sweet orange drink he made. 

Changbin had the brilliant idea to do the chicken fight. First, it'd be you and Yunjin. She climbed onto her lover’s shoulders while you climbed on Bangchan’s. You tried your best not to fall, he was slippery and you didn't have a place to hold except his header — which you wouldn't do. 

And you were winning because you have more stability in your arms than her. You could see her slipping through Changbin’s shoulders but something caught your eye. Minho and Yeji.

You should've focused only on Yunjin. You shouldn't have glanced up at him. His damp blonde hair. His open black shirt and his sinewy body. He peeked at you and you only had time to mumble a fuck before your body slammed into the water. 

Bangchan helped you, asking if you were okay over and over. You were. One minute ago. Before Minho. 

It was childish, you had to admit it. How he was able to change your mood with just one look. You're still angry with him and that was all. He just surprised you, that's what tried to convince yourself. 

You got out of the pool just to drink a little more.

Fuck Minho. You wouldn't let him ruin your day. 

You were so comfortable before, you ain't even realized he wasn't here. 

Two drinks turned into three and then four. 

You're tipsy and happy. Yeonjun’s house — you discovered later that it was his place— was empty. Rosé and peach colored the sky and somehow the music was louder. You found yourself craving one of Felix’s brownies so you went to the kitchen to grab some. 

And your heart skipped a beat when you found Minho there. He was ignoring you still and that was a bummer. You could sense the alcohol touring through your system and every thought was a missed heartbeat. 

He looked at you, his raised eyebrow like he was challenging you. But you knew better and you wouldn't let him treat you like shit again. 

“You good?” His voice is calm, kinda treacherous though.

You open the fridge and then look at him over your shoulder. “Talking to me?” 

“There’s just us here.” He shrugs. 

“Why wouldn't I be good? I'm great.” You snort. 

You feel it when he gets closer. He rests his arms on the fridge door. “You look drunk.” 

You peer at him. “And?”

“You should have some water.” He points at the bottle inside the fridge. 

There was a hesitation that Minho wasn't expecting. You gathered all boldness hidden in your body to dart him in the eyes.  “I don't need you to tell me what to do.” 

And it was no shock when he didn't feel offended. He tongue his cheek, looking down at you “Yeah?” 

“Why do you care if I need fucking water? Wasn't you who said I was an attention sucker?” 

“I owe you an apology.” His soft talk makes you sigh. “I shouldn’t have snapped like that. It was a bad day. I’m sorry.”

At the end, you knew you could let this go. You didn’t hate him, you just wanted to be treated right, like a person at least. Minho looked sincere and you could tell by his eyes that he meant it. It could probably be the alcohol too — you’d definitely ignore that.

“You really didn’t mean that, tho?” 

He furrowed his brows. “No. Never.” 

That was different. The way he was looking at you, like you were friends — close friends. And the sweetener in his tone, you were unsure. He said nothing, his locks falling through his forehead and his greek nose was so close you could almost scent the citric cologne. 

You were close. 

Too close.

“I should go back. I guess.” You were so bewildered. Alcohol or not, you felt spell blinded.

Before you leave, he points again at the fridge. “You forgot your water.”

“Yeah. Thanks.” You nod, tenderly beaming.

You set off the kitchen just to discern seconds after that you didn’t go there for water. Minho said you needed water. You were so disconcerted you didn’t even realize. It was him.

On your way back Yunjin was frowning at you. But you could understand the “is everything okay?” in her eyes. You nodded. 

That’s because you didn’t have the chance to see what Yunjin saw. The gentle smug look on Minho's face when he followed you to the pool. The shyly yet fond smile crooked his lips while he had his head down.

Yunjin was confused.

But it was all about you. Because of you.

taglist: @taeriffic @ughyoobi

a/n: hi! if you want to be tagged in this one just let me know and i appreciate comments a lot, they're always welcome and motivates me a lot to write more.

[standardquip]

FF8 Live Reacts

Started the ps4 remaster of final fantasy 8 in may 2024. Finished in August. I've never played it before. Here's my live reacts. This is a compilation of the discord messages I sent during this time period while playing it.

Spoilers: I didn't like it and this is mostly a rant of me hating on it

(dates are dd/mm/yyyy)

Got rid of my ps5 a couple weeks ago, but guess who remembered there were still ps4 games they were interested in? I just bought disco elysium and ff8 remaster. Will be delivered on the 20th I've actually never played ff8 at all, but have always wanted to and now I'm going to attempt to make more headway in ps4 ff8

and boy do I have THOUGHTS about ff8 most of which are "ff9 is better" and "man RPGs back in the day really expect you to already know how RPGs work" but I'm only 2 hours in so who knows!

I definitely didn't pay enough attention to the dialogue originally, so I had to pull out a game walkthrough for THE FIRST AREA Which is fine, I guess, because this is a direct repeat of what happened when I played ff9 for the first time - got lost in the world map when the area I was supposed to go to was literally straight ahead quest markers and shit were amazing inventions, man, I'm glad those exist now

27/05/2024 11:21 I'm trying to give ff8 the old college try, but if I keep having to consult the playthrough every 5 minutes, I might just pull the plug

anyway I did not have much on the to do list for today, but I somehow finished it I will now go off to try to progress in that ps4 ff8 I could go off on complaining about stupid things with this game but I've brought on enough negativity for today ps4 ff8 it is, then I have come to a good point in the game to start grinding Somehow this is more fulfilling than the actual story

I guess I know now why I've wanted to play ff8 for so long. Teenage me would have loved ff8 First of all, squall (the main character) is just the perfect character design for my desires at the time, bonus points he looked just like me fr Also I love scars on the face, he was probably the whole source of that archetype The story is about them becoming mercenaries and doing mercenary things. Like's like, the bread and butter of every kid chat roleplaying those days, myself included of course. Who WASN'T a mostly silent merc who secretly hated everything but everyone looked up to? Unfortunately, my disappointment starts with the very beginning of the game: the opening cinematic

It plays off like some kind of abstract dream thing, but no, you're actually supposed to believe this is a thing that actually happened in real time. it's not an epic battle, it's just a stupid sparring match between classmates(? friends?) random visions of a woman are totally what causes squall to not beat seifer!! /s the scar DOESN'T HAVE ANY SPECIAL MEANING :tisacry:

Epic battle, epic music, mysterious circumstances

Actually just a training exercise between two 15 year olds who should not have been given the ability to use real weapons The first thing that happens in-game is squall going to the infirmary for his new injury, which somehow isn't serious or prevents him from doing anything that day, but is also enough to leave a scar. On his face.

Then we have Quistis, his instructor, who has only been teaching for 1 year, and turned 18 while she was teaching (Why are these people so young?) And she very much behaves exactly like a 17-18 year old, so it's no wonder that after the merc test she reveals to you (Squall) that 1. she got fired from teaching and 2. She's definitely DTF you (Squall is completely oblivious though) You finally meet the girl of your dreams at the ball you're voluntold to go to as a new merc, her name is rinoa and her opening line to you is "You're the best looking guy here" except that LATER you learn this is actually seifier's (the guy who gave you a scar) girlfriend Now, don't ask me how this works, because rinoa says that she met seifer that night but then when seifer "dies" when he encounters the sorcess for the first time, she says he was her boyfriend and has lots of good memories of him so yeah this doesn't make sense at all but WHATEVER

The "main" story is that a country(?) Is attempting to establish independence from another country, who is trying to take over the world with the help of a sorceress. I am currently only 6 hours into the game / not that far into the story. I have only just seen her for the first time, where she is like "You should come with me" and seifer just goes with her because he's a fucking tool One of their teammates blabs that this coup is from their organization ("the garden" ), so there might be some retribution (surprisingly there is none??????) and by the time the group gets back to a garden (HQ), they say that seifer was tried and his sentence was served, and everyone assumes it's execution. I have just left the garden and am on my way to… somewhere (I honestly forgot where lmao). And I am taking this break to grind Which leads me to my next complaint: the gameplay I HATE THE JUNCTION SYSTEM I like the IDEA of the junction system, and I can kind of see how FFX's sphere grid (and aeon upgrading) grew from it (I love the sphere grid, but it was also very imposing to a newbie). My main problems with the junction system, aside from the fact that it's got a severe learning curve, is that a GF (summon) must be junctioned to a character in order for that character to be able to have ANYTHING on their battle menu aside from "attack" Do you want to be able to use magic in a battle? haha fuck you, need a GF junctioned. How about an item? Nope, hope you have junctioned a GF to this character! haha!! Who the fuck decided to link these things

The OTHER main thing I hate about the junction system is that no character can perform magic innately. It has to be junctioned too. And in order to cast a spell, you have to steal it from someone else first ("stock" the magic). And what's even worse about this magic stocking thing, is that your stats are connected to your magic stock, so using any of your stocked magic will result in lowering your stats, creating this awful system where you should get 100 (the max) stock of every spell that has worthwhile stats increases and then NEVER CAST THEM IN BATTLE EVER So anyway I'm grinding in order to get 100 of the spells FOR EACH CHARACTER so I can get max stats I also am grinding to overlevel my characters because this absurd system has made it guaranteed I will concentrate on physical attacks OH THE OVERDRIVE SYSTEM It's called something else but I can't remember what atm It kicks in when you're low on health, or, in the ps4 version (which I'm playing) you cna press a button and it becomes available whenever. But the thing about it is that the interface sucks. It's not a separate menu option. It's a submenu of attack. so in order to use your overdrive, you have to put your cursor on "attack" then move it to THE RIGHT and then select the overdrive you want to use. (side note: pagination in this game is to the right/left, which I also hate) So if you are like me, and have the battles on x3 speed (another thing they added to the ps4 version) and are just holding down X to get through most of the boring ass battles, you will never do any overdrives I have the cursor thing on memory, so maybe if I turn overdrives on manually and select them once they'd automatically do it from that point forward, but that seems like cheating? So I haven't done it Actually I'm very confused on why the manual overdrive button is a thing that was added at all well anyway this concludes the rant I had bottled up from yesterday I will now start grinding on ps4 ff8 (As I chose to write this instead of actually starting the game when I mentioned it)

I discovered the written seed tests. I couldn't get higher than 80 on the first one. So of course I looked up the answers and now I'm at max level with no more tests to take 😂

At least I won't have any money issues anymore now

07/06/2024 23:47 I think I hate all the characters in ff8

Not only that, the music choice sucks ass

Like it actively makes every scene more boring

Idk how they got so much so wrong in this one. I'm glad 9 was my first ff

I just got to the scene where squall "dies" from the first fight with the sorceress.

Ff8 is just boring so far. I'll keep playing it until I either beat it or actively hate it

29/06/2024 18:48 I made it to disc 2 of ff8 Kind of disappointed there's no in-game indication that you have moved to disc 2 [in the remaster], aside from the subtitle in the save file

23/08/2024 21:35 Turns out the button that gives you the attack specials in ff8 also makes it so you never take damage wtf I could have been using god mode the ENTIRE TIME THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING

I guess after I get this gf I want I'll plow through the rest of the game on god mode… Although with godmode now I don't even need this gf… Ugh

24/08/2024 00:07 Made it to disc 3 Game story still feels pretty stupid. But I'm more than halfway so hopefully I can just get through it. Godmode certainly makes that way easier

30/08/2024 01:12 I am about to fight the final boss of ff8 The story never made sense, was always stupid, and I never would've made it here without a guide But it will be over soon and I can maybe start disco elysium and hate on that next

30/08/2024 01:53 I'm done With ff8

[Someone else says: bit of a mindfuck innit? ]

No I'm just disappointed in it

------------

My final thoughts: So many things went unanswered. Rinoa and Squall's sudden romantic interest in each other never made any sense. Maybe the [possession + time travel + teen mercs/renegades + amnesia] plot points were semi-original for the time, but nowadays they feel lazy and overdone.

The junction system is horrible. The card game was too confusing to me so I never played it, however that's definitely on me and I feel like if I were younger it would've been a great game (I was a huge fan of Tetra Master in FF9).

The game controls are too clunky with no hints and there were several areas where if I had not looked at a walkthrough I never would have found or did the thing the game needed me to find/do to progress. It seems like they fixed that in FF9 with the little "?" thought bubble when you're near things that should be interacted with.

The one redeeming thing about the FF8 ending was that the sorceress Ultimecia is obviously AMAB but uses female pronouns, so I guess we could say that technically FF8 was before its time in trans representation lmao.

[poppyseedspshelpmesleep]

So here's the first chapter of my current work (a crackfic of the finest order). Chapters 1-3 are already posted on my ao3 poppyluv_3, I've just decided that I want to use my Tumblr account more and will probably be posting chapters 2 & 3 here sometime later. Chapter four will be up soon along with something extra I've been working on once I cleared my slump of writer's block lol.

Fair warning, I'm a novice writer and doing this crackfic for fun, also still finding my writing style so stuff will switch up whenever as I feel like trying something out.

Prologue chapters: 1

Chapters: 2, 3, 4

Also feel free to check out this Silly Shenanigans series on ao3 here.

The Chosen One

Chapter One | Obito and Kakashi: First Meeting

One might think it a little early for a certain Uchiha to be up and about. Should anyone ask, said boy would then say he was on his way to class. Why so early?, you may question -but the fact of the matter is this: The universe will always make it so Uchiha Obito is late.

*—---*

The day before, their instructor had told them to expect a new classmate. There had been an odd tone to his words as he spoke, but Obito stopped paying attention once the man said their classmate would be a whole two years younger than them. Probably closer to three years younger than Obito himself, but that was beside the point.

He could not afford to be late on the day an apparent genius would be joining their class. Sure, the teacher hadn't said it himself, but Obito had heard the rumors. Hatake -something, who was just sooo talented the academy had no choice but to bump him up a few grades. 'Cause apparently this wasn't the first time this kid was skipping ahead, either. Which Obito found hard to believe, because he was only eight himself and in third grade -most of the others in his class were almost eight as well! For this Hatake kid to have skipped a grade twice already, and all while not even meeting the academy age requirement since he was only five years old, well, people might call Obito dumb, but not even he was dumb enough to fall for that obvious lie.

So yes, he was trying not to be late today. Unfortunately, just as the sun started to really light up the streets, Obito heard a caw from near directly above him. Suddenly aware of a bag of pistachios inexplicably clipped onto his clothes, he paled.

The bird cawed again. Another joins it. Soon, what could be mistaken for a swarming black cloud forms above him. Obito gulps.

The first crowd drops to hop at his feet, and Obito holds his breath. As soon as it starts inching closer, he turns around and runs.

The murder follows.

////

Of course, the rumors turn out to not be a lie. Hatake Kakashi was just as much a genius as the others proclaimed, easily answering any questions when called upon, expertly throwing shuriken when they went outside to practice, the whole shebang. How he got past the age requirement was still anyone's guess, though.

Weighing his options, Obito eventually convinced himself to approach Kakashi, who was proving himself to be more and more amazing with each passing day. The semester had really only just begun, but it was looking more and more to Obito like he wouldn't be moving on with the rest of his class. Again.

Kakashi was pretty quiet, and there was this look in his eyes- like he was judging you, but he obviously knew what he was doing. Besides, Rin seemed to always be watching the silver haired boy nowadays, so maybe if Obito was around him, she'd see him, too!

…so yea, Obito was gonna talk to Kakashi. And it totally had nothing to do with his crush on Rin, or with how Kakashi was just really cool looking and amazing at pretty much everything-

A minute movement from the corner of his eye and Obito swerved, intent on making sure it wasn't another crow having come to collect its due.

Nothing.

Obito brushed imaginary feathers from his jacked and took a deep breath. Okay, so maybe he just wanted to talk to his new classmate. Both to get Rin's attention, yes, but also because Kakashi seemed pretty cool, too. And maybe the prodigy would be willing to help him out, that would be the best possible outcome.

…could Kakashi's coolness be contagious? 'Cause that would be awesome!!!

////

Obito's resolve to approach Kakashi had been interrupted by the teacher calling them back inside, but that didn't matter. He would just have to find Kakashi after class.

Which was notoriously difficult. Others had tried approaching their new classmate already, but Kakashi had a tendency to just disappear as fast as possible.

Maybe Obito should wait…?

No! Like his granny always said 'you'll never know until you try,' and Obito would not let Kakashi's skittishness change his mind!

As soon as class was done for the day, Kakashi was up and out of his seat. For once though, he didn't bolt right out the door, instead going to talk with the teacher. Deciding to linger by the doorway, Obito got front row seats to his departing classmates being pushed aside by a bright green dart.

Said dart turned out to be a boy about a year younger than him, with a rather ugly looking jumpsuit and -unique hairstyle, Obito mentally corrected. The boy struck a pose with a thumbs up, grin somehow gleaming. Transfixed, Obito missed what he said.

"Maa.. not today, Gai. My father's picking me up."

Obito blinked at the voice, and the green boy- Gai? deflated dramatically, reminding him of some of his older cousins. Then just as suddenly, Gai perked up again, face lighting up.

"We should have our Dads race instead! That way we may witness how much further we have to go, still! Come, Rival, the Spring of our Youth has only just begun!" Obito could just hear the uppercases in that, how-?

"To see the possible Fruits of Labor the future has in store for us," a fist brought dramatically to his chest, head turning and eyes closed "would be an Eye-Opening Opportunity!"

Kakashi hummed, moving towards the doorway where the strange boy was waiting. Obito just watched, and, registering that his target had just left, felt oddly cheated.

Like a spell broken with Kakashi's departure, the students still in the classroom began to murmur.

"Isn't that the kid that failed the entrance exam last semester?" Someone to his right said.

"I heard my sister talking about him to her friends- apparently he's got some special talent or something,"

"That kid? No way, my cousin said his dad's the eternal genin, no way he's got some cool ability." Obito frowned at that comment, grabbing at the goggles hanging around his neck. It was only a matter of time before those kids remembered he was there and started saying something mean about him again if he didn't leave, but-

"I don't know, if he managed to get Kakashi's attention, then he's gotta be somewhat special, right?" The words came out quietly, but even so, Obito felt them settling in his mind as truth. Kakashi had been in their class for just about a week now, but in that time, he hadn't seen the other boy talk to anyone, not even when approached first. Obito tried to ignore the weird feeling settling in his stomach, he'd just have to talk to Kakashi the next day. No biggie.

The group of three turned to look at him. Then, as if able to read each other's minds, they all turned up their noses in sync and walked away. Obito blinked, trying to will away the tears. Somehow, his current class had decided the best punishment for him was the silent treatment. And the reason he was being punished? Being so late they missed out on a fieldtrip to outside the village.

He really had tried to be on time that day. It's not Obito's fault that the clan decided they just had to go over emergency procedure drills right then, and had accidentally knocked down one of his granny's walls.

Then again, no one asked Obito to stay and make sure all of his granny's belongings were found, but also- it was his granny. Still, the only one to understand was Rin. She was too kind, really. Probably why everyone was so reluctant to say something mean around her. It was like how his cousins acted when around his granny, Obito had noticed. Like they knew it was wrong and didn't want to do any wrong in their presence.

He scoffed, making his way out the building. What did it matter, in the end? Even if they knew it was wrong, they still did it when no one they cared about was looking.

Obito paused to stare at the sky once he made it outside, blinking away angry tears. Movement from his left peripheral caused him to turn and find Kakashi lounging on a tree branch. "WHAa…?!"

Wide eyes stared blankly at him before drooping. A loud boom sounded from the distance. Kakashi seemed to sink into the branch.

A moment of silence, then "..hello," Obito said dumbly.

Kakashi blinked at him. "Hi."

"...I thought you were going off with that green kid to find your parents."

The silver haired boy turned around on his branch, hugging it like a sloth. Obito stared, perplexed.

" ….. 'ma dad's too shy, he won't want to compete."

That didn't explain anything. "So?"

"So I told Gai to convince him for me. That's what he gets for not showing up when he said he would." There was a gleam to Kakashi's eyes as he spoke, and Obito gulped, oddly reminded of that feeling just before the crows started circling him this morning.

The branches rustled as another boom shook the earth. Kakashi sighed and Obito decided he could wait to have a proper conversation another day.

////

It wouldn't be until later that evening, when his granny's favorite street cat decided to pop in for a visit and engaged Obito in a staring contest, that he would realize Kakashi's stare had been nearly identical.

[captawesomesauce]

I got both of my diplomas today in a really nice holder and setup!

The first is the Federal Emergency Management Agency - Advanced Professional Series which required:

G191 Incident Command System Emergency Operations Center Interface

G775 EOC Management and Operations

G557 - Rapid Needs Assessment for Intelligence Gathering and Situational Awareness Distribution

G205 - Recovery from Disasters: The Local Community Role

G393 - Mitigation for Emergency Managers

IS-2200 - Basic Emergency Operations Center Functions

IS-0703.a - National Incident Management System Resource Management

IS-0271.a - Anticipating Hazardous Weather and Community Risk 2nd Edition

K/T-0146 - Homeland Security Exercise and Evaluation Program

G235 - Emergency Planning

G358 - Evacuation and Re-entry Planning Course

The second one is the California Office of Emergency Service - Emergency Management Specialist certificate which required:

G191 Incident Command System Emergency Operations Center Interface

G775 EOC Management and Operations

G393 - Mitigation for Emergency Managers

G205 - Recovery from Disasters: The Local Community Role

G235 - Emergency Planning 

G611F - EOC Section/Position Specific Training: Finance

G611L - EOC Section/Position Specific Training: Logistics

G611M - EOC Section/Position Specific Training: Management

G611O - EOC Section/Position Specific Training: Operations

G611P - EOC Section/Position Specific Training: Plans

G557 - Rapid Needs Assessment for Intelligence Gathering and Situational Awareness Distribution

G626E - Essential EOC Action Planning

ICS 300 Intermediate Incident Command System for Expanding Incidents

There was a little overlap in the classes, thankfully! It still took close to 2 years to take the courses, do the tests, submit the paperwork and everything. Some of these classes met as early as 5am and some, like the 191/775 EMC combo course required a lot of setup/mapping late into the night. 

Next up will be to finish the FEMA Basic Academy next year!

And of course, thank you so much to @all-the-w-ness for her support. She put up with a lot while I took these classes and everything I do! It means a lot to me to have her beside me as I go through life.

Also, it was a great experience meeting and networking with all of my classmates and instructors who I learned so much from. 

[bookwyrminspiration]

Quil! Hello! I've been on here for a little while but we haven't interacted much so I thought I'd drop in and say hi :)

I'm Gail, and your blog was one of the ones that convinced me to join Tumblr! I love your analyses and fanfiction, and on that note, I'm going to read the Wings AU soon :D I've always wanted to but never had much time, so I'm going to start tackling that monster fic when I have a four-day weekend coming up!

Hope you're having a great day :)

Gail! Hello! It's lovely to properly meet you; we've crossed paths via shared circles (and I mainly associate you as a fellow classmate of Professor Spit, the heart!), but now I can say hi directly!

This isn't the first time I've heard someone say they joined in part because of me or that they enjoyed my blog prior to joining, but it gets me every time like ah! That is so cool! I'm incredibly flattered that my presence and posting on this hellsite was enjoyable? amusing? enough that you wanted to be a part of the site/fandom! It's lovely to have you here!

Also!! If you read the wings au please feel free to ask me anything you'd like/talk to me about it as much as you want because I ADORE the wings au and am always look for an opportunity to talk about it!

I should read it, actually. It's second birthday is coming up and there are some chapters I haven't seen/read since I posted them. It'd be cool to go back (and correct my numerous grammar mistakes). You know, multiple people have said they want to read the au, maybe we should make a book club out of it.

But anyway! I hope you enjoy the wings au because I have put a lot of time, effort, and love into that monster of a fic :). Even if it's not to your taste, your enthusiasm is still very appreciated!

And I'm doing alright today! Finally getting out of a minor reading slump, got back the grades for first assignments from the semester (first ones are always nerve wracking because it's like. all these new instructions and a new instructor! did I do it right? how you wanted me to?) and got 100s! I hope you're doing well, too! And that your day is kind to you <3

[unexaltedonewhoisnotking]

I’m 10-almost-11 years old. I’m with my classmates outside the hall at school, waiting for our ‘graduation ceremony’ from primary school to start. A member of the ancillary staff comes across us and asks why we aren’t in class; one or two people explain that we’re graduating today. She looks at me, brow furrowed deeply. “Even you?”

I’m… I don’t remember how old - somewhere around that same time. It’s summer. I’m at the beach with friends, some my age and some a year or two younger. We meet some other kids and start hanging out with them. When we talk about our ages they express doubt at mine. My friends insist it’s a joke and won’t allow me to tell the truth. They claim I’m two or three years younger than I really am.

I’m 12. It’s another summer. My friend, half a year older, won’t go swimming. Why not? “You’ll understand when you’re older,” she says. This is far from the only time people my age have given me that line. At least this time, when I learn about the truth almost a year later, it turns out to make sense to make it about ageing - most of the time it’s just about knowing more.

I’m 11, 12, 13, 14, 15. I’m in secondary school. My classmates have a running-joke conspiracy theory that I’m actually a year or two younger than them, and I got bumped up a couple years because I’m so smart. I don’t mind that, actually - it’s only a joke, not a genuine belief, and a core part of it still relies on acknowledging that I’m on their level.

I’m 17 years old. I’m overseas checking out a couple universities to apply to. Some of my family is there with me. Everybody addresses my sister, four years younger, as the prospective student before I tell them it’s me.

I’m 18. My parents and I are getting our first doses of the covid vaccine. Someone stops me at the door, saying that they’re only giving to adults at the moment and I should wait back here. They appear doubtful even when my parents confirm I’m not lying.

It’s months later. I’m still 18. We’re getting our second doses. The same thing happens again, beat for beat.

I’m 18-almost-19. I’ve procrastinated getting my driver’s licence and the pandemic pushed things back further. I get in the car for my first lesson. The instructor is surprised that I’m old enough to have a permit. “You’re sixteen?” “Eighteen, actually.” Now he’s even more stunned.

I’m 20. Plans had changed and I wound up staying home and attending uni here. It’s the first day of my third year. I join a line of other students outside the BCS office. The first thing the nearest person says, after I greet them and ask if they’re also getting lab manuals,is an exclamation of, “Aw, you’re so cute!” in the tone typically used for puppies and babies. You know I’m an adult; I’m at university with you, buying a book for a class.

I’m still 20. It’s only been a couple of months since that last incident. My sister is buying a watch, my mum and I are with her. Two of the ladies working at the store begin complimenting their hair and they talk about having dyed it. “What about you, small one?” the first lady asks me. I’ve never dyed my hair. I tell her that. She mentions how nice and curly it is, and my mum steps in to mention it used to be pin straight. I explain, “Yeah, it was really curly when I was little, then it straightened out. It only started getting curly like this again around the middle of secondary school.” I’m deliberate with that phrasing, after the ‘small one’ line: secondary school is behind me. The ladies are surprised. The hint doesn’t work to prevent them from saying something. “But you look like you’re still in school!”

I’m so tired of it. I get it: I’m short, I have a high pitched voice, I’m quiet. But why, why, why do you need to lie about my age. Why do you need to talk to a university student like an infant. Why do you need to address someone as ‘small one’ when speaking directly to them?

/rant

[kilosch]

Journal Entry: 10/21/24

Early Start & Preparation: Woke up bright and early today at 0530. Thanks to my prep the night before, I had everything ready to go—coffee, energy drink, proper clothing, and all the essentials. I hopped in my car and headed to Huntington Beach for my first day of PC 832 training at Golden West College. The drive was about 35 minutes for 21 miles, which wasn’t too bad. I arrived around 0640, parked, took a breather, and paid for parking.

First Impressions – 'I Made It': Walking up to the Regional Criminal Justice Training Center felt surreal. The massive sign out front hit me—"Damn, I made it." As I walked through the hallways, I saw displays of academy history, uniforms, and old equipment. It gave me a real sense of pride and perspective. Knowing the legacy of officers who trained here before me gave me a boost of confidence.

Meeting the Instructors & Classmates: The instructors for the course—Ramos, Pratt, and Carchula—were all retired law enforcement officers, each bringing tons of experience. Ramos had even worked for ABC (Alcoholic Beverage Control), which I didn’t realize was a law enforcement agency. It was cool hearing their stories, especially how Huntington Beach PD operates, and seeing their passion for the job.

Physical Training – Mat Work & Take Downs: We kicked things off on the mat floor, where we went through warm-ups, stretching routines, and exercises to get us ready for the day. We learned the fundamentals of handcuffing, searching, escorting, and take-down maneuvers. The take-downs were definitely the most intense—feeling the pain and adrenaline of throwing and being thrown was crazy.

Throughout the drills, I kept thinking about the importance of mastering these skills for real-world situations. It was a reminder that physical fitness will be just as critical as my knowledge once I make it to the police academy.

Students from All Over California: We each had ID badges pinned to our chests, listing our names and whether we were a sponsored student. I added “Department of State Hospitals” to mine, and it was interesting to see the variety of agencies represented. There were officers from Orange County Medical Examiners, Manhattan Beach PD, California Corrections, and surprisingly, the California Department of Public Health (who knew they had a law enforcement division?).

Our class had a total of 13 students, all from various agencies across the state. During the exercises, one of the instructors complimented me on my performance, which boosted my confidence, even though I still feel more comfortable with hands-on work than written exams. When Ramos asked why I needed PC 832 for State Hospitals, I explained how our officers hold Peace Officer powers, which seemed to surprise him.

The Drive Home – Sore but Satisfied: By the end of the day, everyone was exhausted. After hours of physical drills and take-downs, my body was aching, but it felt like a good kind of pain—progress. I left around 4 PM, and the drive home took about an hour, hopping on the 405 and then the 605.

Dinner & FOMO with Work: Once I got home, I made pancit with eggs and rice for dinner. It felt good to unwind with some comfort food after a long day. I know I should’ve just stayed offline since I’m officially out of the office (OOO) this week, but I couldn’t resist checking Teams—I get that FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) real bad.

I saw that some folks were headed to MLK Recuperative Care for an internal medication management meeting. Curious, I texted Lauren to see what was going on. She filled me in on the meeting and joked, asking why I was even online. I admitted to her, "Feeling FOMO." She wasn’t surprised.

Reflections & Mental State: Despite the exhaustion, I feel surprisingly good—no depressing thoughts today. Maybe it’s the sense of accomplishment, or maybe it’s just the distraction of diving into something new. I’ll need to wake up at 5:30 AM again tomorrow for another long day of training, but I’m determined to keep this momentum and pass PC 832 by Friday.

Let’s keep moving forward.

[luciansorelsgardenofazaleas]

This is probably not gonna be seen but I just need to vent about today.

I am going into the culinary business because I want to own a restaurant I am in high school and I go to a Montessori school. And due to my school I am part of a program that will set me up for college, this includes classes up at the college that I can take, I am not quite old enough to do that but I have been taking other classes. One of these classes is a money management class so I can take a step in the budgeting world of restaurants and businesses. And today was the first class, I was supposed to be the only one in the class because I wanted to do the class, I was not told that my other classmates would be joining. One of these classmates I really dislike because they talk over me and always try to "outshine" me because of a fight we had a couple months back when I stood up for a friend that they attacked after a friend they both shared had done something to betray the friend I stood up first trust. Anyways.

This is important that I tell you.

I just got my first job at the start of the year, it's a minor job so I didn't think it was needed for me to open a savings account because I don't want to work with credit stuff quite yet because cash is easier for me, but the other two who went with me do.

When we went to the meeting what was the first thing we talked about, what we wanted to get out of this class and what money means to me, My answer was "I want to learn how to deal with unfair pay/being taken advantage of by employers, and how to make money with a business and how to budget into the things I need" which the first one of being taken advantage of by employers is can get if you can't teach me but the other one I know can be answered yet the person teaching the class asked me "How are people being taken advantage of in the work place" I answered with "I want to be prepared when I take up a good job and know what I'm worth and be ready to talk about my ideal wage" then they nodded said some stuff and moved on. Then they moved onto if I had a savings account and I said "No not yet because I work for my family friends and neighbors so I just save the money in a box" I don't think the instructor liked that answer and then moved onto the person who is constantly trying to one up me, they then talked about their business and savings accounts for the next 45 minutes, I wasn't able to ask any questions about savings or anything. I was given three papers talking about savings accounts and yearly interests, even though I was the one who wanted the class and had questions, they only focused on the others. I was completely ignored and it felt like I was because I didn't have a savings account or worked an "actual job" (Id like to see them lift 90 pound hay bales for 4 hours in 70 degree weather and see if that's real work or not) but it felt really fucking petty as I sat there embarrassed the entire time. My teacher didn't try to step in even though they saw me try to speak multiple times. And when we got back they said "seems like you have homework to do, we need to set you up a savings account" I was not there for a savings account I was there for other things.

Maybe I'm wrong I don't know, I just hope one person responds to give me some advice because I have had this happen before and I'm about ready to quit trying and wait until I am done with culinary school to go to a business school.

[jdgo51]

God Is Awesome: Take Off Your Shoes

Today's inspiration comes from:

Closer Than Your Next Breath

by Susie Larson

"When we see Jesus as Commander of the army of the Lord, [it is our job] to fall on our faces before Him and worship — that is, to confess the self-will, self-effort, and self-glory that have dominated us and deeply surrender to Him as our Commander, and be willing for Him to make the decisions, give the orders, and be the doer of the work... We cannot be too low at His feet if He is to cause the walls of our Jericho to fall. He will have no difficulty with those walls if He can get us to fall first." ~ Roy Hession

"'During my college years, I didn’t have a lot of spiritual support on my faith journey. I wandered into the ways of the world and then back toward the heart of God again. One morning in my dorm room, I repented and cried out to God. I spent time in His Word and sensed His great love for me. Joy returned to my soul. I went to class unaware of what God was about to do that day. For starters, I met a couple of classmates — identical twins. Dark hair. Bright countenances. And such sweet dispositions. I noticed they kept looking my way during class. I smiled, gave them a nod, and returned my attention to our instructor.

Right in the middle of the lecture, one of the sisters leaned over and said, “There’s something different about you. You have so much joy. Will you tell us why you have joy?”

I whispered back, “I’d love to talk with you more. Let’s meet after class.” I followed these girls to their dorm room and told them about Jesus. Their hearts were so tender and receptive that they were instantly in awe of God. One of them got up abruptly and said, “Be right back!”

Within minutes, she grabbed a few friends and dragged them back into our conversation. I introduced my new friends to Jesus, and they wholeheartedly accepted Him. Over the next few weeks we hosted more gatherings with the girls on their dorm floor. They asked questions, and I did my best to answer them. Their hunger for God activated a faith that I’d almost neglected.

One day while crammed in a van with a bunch of other college students on our way home for the weekend, I curled up with a book by Watchman Nee. I don’t recall the title, but I do remember what happened. I went from being half involved with the surrounding conversations and partially attuned to what I was reading to suddenly focusing on the words on the page. At that moment I had an encounter with God unlike anything I’d ever experienced up to that point. His Spirit drew near, and I could not hide from Him. Like a movie reel, I saw my life’s story unwind before me. I saw my life in fast motion, one deed after another, and the motivations that fueled my actions.

A consistent theme ran throughout my life. Everything I’d done — good, bad, and otherwise — was to rescue my sense of self-worth. Most of my good deeds were to prove myself. Most sinful indulgences were to escape from myself.

Though God can and did redeem every aspect of my story, all my strivings were wasted efforts.

I’d misused my time, treasure, and talents to prove something that Jesus had already done, had already won. I didn’t know any better then. But I did now. In that van I came face-to-face with the truth about my depravity and the power of God’s holy standard for me. There’d be no dabbling in this walk of faith. God was not one to be trifled with. He wasn’t messing around. I couldn’t escape Him.

I gasped. I trembled. I covered my mouth with my hands, and tears escaped my eyes.

Friends asked if I was okay, and I could only shake my head. I couldn’t speak. I dared not justify my ways. I was guilty of selfish, self-preserving efforts. Though I had reason to be painfully insecure, I learned that insecurity is just another form of selfishness. Self-preservation and Kingdom life are entirely incompatible.

When we recall and rehearse God’s faithfulness in the past, we more clearly discern His goodness in the present.

To live out of a lie is to perpetuate more lies. God had drawn near. I felt no condemnation, but I was absolutely undone with conviction. To place the reel of my life up against the backdrop of God’s majesty and holiness left me breathless. I was a believer at this point, yet for some reason I was still trying to save myself. I didn’t understand the potent power of the gospel. My efforts were worthless. My God was holy. If I could have gone facedown in the van, I would have. For the next three days I barely said a word. I didn’t want to interrupt the cleansing fire of the Holy Spirit at work in me.

Looking back over the years that I’ve followed the Messiah, I can now see how intimately He’s been involved in my life.

Even during those seasons when God seemed silent and life was just a daily grind, Jesus led, interceded, guarded, and guided my way — all while I was unaware.

He put the right people in my path at just the right time. He prompted me to turn right when I would have turned left. He nudged me to make a phone call when I was headed for the ditch of despair. He introduced a new friend when I needed a fresh perspective. He played a song that inspired faith in the middle of my doubts. He put dreams in my heart and dared me to agree with Him. He gave me insight into intercession and invited me to join Him. He gave me opportunities to forgive, trust, and release my cares to Him, knowing how these processes would transform me and tether my heart to His.

Ever and always, God allows enough challenges to keep us dependent, enough goodness to keep us encouraged, and enough grace to sustain us.

Though I lived through plenty of seasons with a broken heart, wishing things were different than they were, I never lacked any of what I needed. God has always been faithful, always guided, always provided.

Life on earth is hard. But we serve an awesome God.

I don’t want to miss Him because I can’t always sense His nearness. Our lives burst with evidence that God is at work in our story. He charged the Israelites not to forget about His faithfulness.

When we forget, we wander. When we recall and rehearse God’s faithfulness in the past, we more clearly discern His goodness in the present.

Remembering is stewardship. Recalling is wisdom. Rehearsing is nourishment for our souls.

And I said, “This is my fate; the Most High has turned his hand against me.” But then I recall all you have done, O Lord; I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago. They are constantly in my thoughts. I cannot stop thinking about your mighty works. O God, your ways are holy. Is there any god as mighty as you? You are the God of great wonders! You demonstrate your awesome power among the nations.1

It’s good for our hearts to go back and recall the times when God invaded our everyday existence with tangible expressions of His love and power. Times when He allowed us a peek into the eternal realm in a way that totally shifted our perspective and deepened our assurance that God was near, God cared, and God was moving in our midst.

We are all messed up like a person compromised with impurity;

even all our right efforts are like soiled rags. We’re drying up like a leaf in autumn and are blown away by wrongdoing. — Isaiah 64:6 The Voice

Such moments in my life have left me speechless with awe and wonder. After walking with God for decades, I know this to be true: He’s more present than I can comprehend and more powerful than I ever imagined.

Spending time this morning pondering my history with God reminds me that my present bursts with His power and my future is bright with hope.

I encourage you to take a trip down memory lane as well. It’ll do wonders for your soul.

Psalm 77:10–14."''

Excerpted with permission from Closer Than Your Next Breath by Susie Larson, copyright Susie Larson.

[alechaos]

Do the Pandemic Changes Everything?

Two years ago passed by really fast, and I can still remember the days I was at the school grounds of Mater Ecclesiae, saying hi and hello to the people I know, hanging out with my best friend by the playground, enjoying our lunch together, building memories with my teachers and classmates as we study and fancy every subject altogether. Then, after such a long day, I'd ride the school service, seeing and greeting my sister and her friends as we finally meet once again and blurting silly jokes as I make memories with the people surrounding me. Once I get home, I will greet my mom with a hug and tell my family how my day went. As I reach out for my bed after the day, I will reminisce and continue to fancy over the things I did in the past months until today and be grateful for how amazing things went. Ah, it was such a fantastic memoir, as if almost everything I did pre-pandemic was the usual thing I do as I move forward every day.

And then, one day, someone out of the blue became mainstream and a headline on every single news outlet, whether on tabloids or online news-- he can be everywhere. Someone who establishes its face worldwide, even though it has no distinct and recognizable features. After his first appearance from the different reports, just about 24 hours, everyone across the globe was rattled by his intimidating and terrifying presence. I can still remember how our classes were canceled that day. We were in our class after lunch when our instructor went inside our room to announce that we needed to pack our things as the head of the institution decided to send us home. I wasn't really sure during that time why and what's the reason for the sudden announcement as the announcer did not impart the news in detail. When I got home, I was shocked to see my older sister telling my mom the same announcement I was told earlier that day. She said that our country officially contracted the disease that has been killing many people from China-- that it finally reached our country and our people. Of course, I had no idea what they were talking about as I was not a fan of reading news articles and getting updates about current events. Only then I knew about the COVID-19 virus that has been spreading across the globe. My older brother also mentioned that day that their university announced the cancellation of their classes for the upcoming days, as the first report of the disease was found to be from the Bulacan area. As we spoke about why we were sent home, from that moment, I knew something terrible might be happening in the future. To be honest, from that moment, I felt some sort of uneasiness and worrisome because we just had experienced being covered with ashes from the eruption of Mount Taal during the second week of January, and I know for sure that many people haven't recovered yet from its impact.

In a  span of 24 hours after the news broke out nationwide, our lives changed in a snap. The next thing I knew was we were under the pandemic, and we had to follow a new set of rules and regulations in order to protect ourselves and prevent the diseases from further spreading throughout the country. Not just the way people are living changed, but the modalities of learning have also brought us a new perspective on learning. Before the pandemic, I am not a fan of using alcohol and disinfectants-- not just me, but I think most people are not fond of doing such activities like this. But because of the pandemic, I learned to constantly use disinfectants-- literally as if it has become a mannerism to prevent myself from contracting the COVID-19 virus. Another thing I observed myself is the behavior of constantly checking up on the news. Knowing that throughout the pandemic, the prevalence of fake news spreading is so high as if it was a disease. When you go online and check a news report content from reliable sources, you will see the skyrocketing hate and backlash it gained from the mass. On the other side, if you will go and check social media posts from trolls, unreliable profiles, and poser accounts, you will be dazed by how many comments, reactions, likes, and shares it gathered considering that the post's content is filled with irrelevant, unreliable, and deceiving information. Generally speaking, if we are to talk about the changes in my lifestyle, I could tell that in two years, I was able to help myself grow more and take care of my well-being. I also learned to value and love my efforts to maintain my life's peacefulness. I engaged myself in performing self-care routines like skincare routines and learned the importance of cutting your hair as part of maintaining its healthiness and nourishment, eating healthier foods, and taking a break from social media because I recognized how social media negatively impact my mental wellness, especially throughout the pandemic, many people are starting to get more vicious and terrifying of expressing themselves. I realized that taking a break from social media could actually be healthful in reducing the environmental stresses you're feeling. During the pandemic, I also started improving my academic life. I became more serious about studying, and as much as I wanted, I made sure to obtain high grades and bring the best out of myself. This realization hit me when I was in grade 11 because, at that moment, I finally thought of how things could affect my future career and future self. To be more academically prepared, I watched tutorials on how to use different online databases, asked for help from my sister, and gave myself free time to learn more about online websites. As we now conduct face-to-face classes, I am confident enough to tell everyone that I can do the things they want me to do because I put effort into learning things. This pandemic also helped me feel more connected with my family because when we were constrained from running errands outside our house, that paved the way for spending more time with our family. That two years gave me time to build a stronger bond with my family and helped me to be more open with them. What happened in our country also improved my emotional quotient because the pandemic taught us that being compassionate and understanding to everyone surrounding you is one of the core values we must attain so that we will be able to extend our hands to people who needed our help. The pandemic is proof that not all everyone is in the same boat. I mean, it's true that we're all on the same water, but we're not riding the same boat that has the same durability to withstand every struggle we face. It only takes a kind and understanding heart to make others feel better, and this is the essential thing the pandemic taught me.

As I end this note, it is indispensable that for some people, the pandemic may have been so cruel and challenging to handle-- something that might have been traumatizing for them, and I understand that. But for my case, I am thankful because the pandemic gave me lots of time to think about myself in such a way that I can reflect daily on the things I do and the decisions I make. The pandemic allowed me to focus on myself, even though it's only for two years. I will forever be grateful for that two years because, in that two years, I was able to create a new me where that me has an improved character and a better version.

[bvidzsoo]

Late night Drifts

 Author: bvidzsoo

 Warning: physical abuse (nothing descriptive); swearing

 Pairing: Hansol Vernon Chwe x female reader

 Word count: 18, 157

 Summary:  Being top of your class was everything your parents have ever wanted. You were the perfect daughter, however, it was only them who were happy. Your life was stressful and filled with sleepless nights studying, just to please your parents. Until one day you discovered racing, and realized, it was the only way you could unwind all the accumulated stress. And it just so happened that one day you overheard your classmate, Vernon, talking about an illegal race taking place that night. You knew it was your cue, so with rolled up cash left on his desk, you made it clear you were challenging him. He wins = he gets a date / You win = he teaches you how to drift.

 A/N: Hello, hello lovelies! And off we go with the first part of this series! I tried out something different this time, I hope it’s not weird and it’s still good, I’m a little nervous about it tbh. All the sentences in italic are the reader’s direct thoughts! I’ve never written in second person before so uhm...I hope it’s still fine. I hope you’ll like it and please let me know your thoughts. If there are people interested, I could even start a Taglist, I guess! Enjoy now!

Series M.List ~ Next Part

           When younger, you’d quietly complain to yourself about having to wake up early in the morning, around 6 am, just to have breakfast with your parents; but as the years passed it just became a routine. You weren’t bothered by it anymore, sometimes, you’d even wake up earlier than you were supposed to. Like today, at 5:30 am, your eyes were wide open as you stared up at the platinum white ceiling of your huge bedroom. You knew it was the anxiety making you feel like this, the fear of having to face your father and mother today seemed to be more intense than usually, after all, you were getting your grading sheet at school. You hated days like today, you hated getting your grades. It was horror to sit through school, anxious, only to return home to get yelled at by your father, because once again, you failed to score higher at English than Vernon. Vernon Hansol Chwe. He was your nightmare at school. It wasn’t what he did directly to you, because there were almost little to no incidents, it’s what he indirectly made you go through. You hated him, but didn’t at the same time. It wasn’t his fault, and you were aware of that, but you couldn’t help the glare or sudden anger that engulfed you whenever you looked at him. If he only wasn’t as good at English as he was, all the torment from your parents would’ve been non-existent.

You were the perfect daughter, the one every parent wished to have and every parent praised whenever they met up with your parents and you. You were perfect, in their eyes, yes. You always listened to what your parents said, you didn’t talk back or disobeyed them, and most importantly, you always pleased them and got high grades. It would’ve been a shame if you didn’t, your father was a scientist and your mother a doctor. They wanted you to become either this or that, but you, you didn’t know. You had no idea what you actually liked doing, you never really had hobbies or free time to try out different things like any other normal kid did while growing up. That is, until, you stumbled upon some abandoned race tracks and saw a woman in her car going at a high speed, drifting around the curbs, and sporting the happiest and most careless expression you’ve ever seen on someone’s face. It struck you, you never felt like that before. You wanted to feel like that so badly. You just ran away from home, with the excuse that you joined a new study group to help you out with Chemistry, but the truth was that you just needed air and time away from your overwhelming parents. You weren’t even supposed to be in this part of the city, people could smell from miles away that you were rich and just by stealing your purse, they’d make millions. But you didn’t care, because in this part of the city, it seemed like people only stared at your for what you looked like, without too judgmental looks on their faces. It was weird, but refreshing. After the woman stopped, got out of the car and ruffled her long hair, you gathered all your courage and walked up to her, and asked her to take you on a round with herself. She was reluctant, but once she saw the desperate look in your eyes, she obliged and you were inside her car, screaming your lungs out at all the sharp and harsh turns she took. It was scary, but freaking awesome. You felt high on adrenaline and when she stopped the car, her name being Lexa, you begged her to teach to drive like that. Your driving instructor never taught you about speed, but this woman seemed to know it all. Lexa was reluctant, but she complied once again, when she saw the desperate look in your eyes. And that is how you became obsessed with racing, cars, and chasing that adrenaline that made you feel free and careless. It was the only hobby you had, the only thing your parents couldn’t control in your life, simply, because they didn’t know about it. And you preferred to keep it that way, knowing well the repercussions if they ever found out. But for you to be able to attend the events and races, you needed a good car. So, when you finished last year as first in your whole high school, your father granted your wish and bought you a Vaydor G37. The car was expensive, but freaking awesome. You knew you’d be better than half of the amateur racers, even though, you were one too. But for now, that didn’t matter, as you played with your fingers in your lap, waiting for the maid to place your breakfast in front of you. You could feel your father’s sharp gaze on you, but you ignored it as you glared at the table. Your mother hadn’t joined the table yet, that’s why you weren’t eating yet.

“John told me he had to change the tires to the Vaydor,” You looked up to meet your father’s gaze, knowing he hated it when you didn’t, “It’s the third time this month. Explain.”

You gulped, but kept your expression neutral, he can’t find out, “I didn’t pay attention when I got them changed and instead of the summer tires, they put on the winter ones. That was the first time. Second time, I got a puncture while I rode back home from school, a screw was left on the road from the new construction site and I didn’t know. And uhm…I’m not sure what was wrong the third time, but the vibrations coming from the tires felt wrong, I thought…it would be best to get them changed.” But the truth was that you raced too hard and burned out your tires, all adherence gone, which made it impossible for you to ride around the streets with them.

Your father didn’t say anything as he looked at you with a hard expression, tying to decipher if you were lying or saying the truth, “Safety comes first, Y/N, don’t forget that.”

“Yes, father.” You muttered and looked up at your mother as she walked in with a wide smile. Your father looked at her and his eyes instantly turned soft and he waited until she sat next to him, to press a kiss to her cheek. He was only ever like that to her, kind and lovely, never to you. You honestly thought your father hated you because you weren’t born to be a boy, like he so desperately wanted. Yet, he never tried to have another child with your mother, you figured he had enough of you and just didn’t want to bother with raising another kid. Your mother looked at you just as the maids finally walked in with your breakfast, placing the plates in front of you. Your stomach rumbled quietly and it made your mom chuckle as your father took the first bite, and then you both followed suit. It was the same old breakfast: toast with boiled eggs, a few slices of tomato and butter. Sometimes you’d get hot cocoa, if your father was in a good mood, but most of the time you were served with orange or apple juice. Today, water with lemon was served and as much as you were craving the taste of oranges, a little switch from your usually boring routine was nice, even if so small and almost insignificant.

“When will you know your grades?” Your father asked again, voice hard and you bit your lower lip as you lowered your knife and fork.

“Today, actually.” You answered, trying to hide the tremor in your voice, but it was pretty obvious.

“Great, I will make sure to come home early then.” He said and the grip on your knife tightened as you tried to hide the anger and fear mixing together in your stomach, hating the words your father said. But it made your mother squeal as she smiled at him brightly.

“That’s amazing news, honey! Let’s go have dinner, shall we?” She was the only excited one, your father actually started glaring at you, and you realized it was because you were glaring at him. Sometimes, your control over your body slipped and you did things subconsciously.

“Yes,” Your father spoke, turning his head away from you to look at his wife, “Let’s go have dinner, Y/N should—”

“I have a study group at 18:00 today, I won’t be able to join you, I’m sorry.” You interrupted your father, not caring right now that he hated being interrupted by you, as you let your parents know in a hurry that you weren’t available today. And actually, you weren’t even lying. You really did have to study for English, you hated to say it, but you were feeling uneasy after your last exam and thought you could work on it. A new guy from America showed up two weeks ago, DK, and when you heard he offered to help out those in need, you knew you needed to sign up. Vernon was from America too, that’s why you never could beat him, he was better as he was fluent. Your mother was American too, but she never bothered to teach you much English, either too busy with work or with your father. She wasn’t a bad mom, just neglectful sometimes.

“You study so hard, my dear.” Your mother’s arm extended over the mahogany table and you extended your own arm, letting her grip it, “How about this…if you get a good grade for your English exam, we go on a small vacation this weekend?”

That actually sounded wonderful, you couldn’t help but smile, warmness filling your insides. You missed spending time with your mom, but of course, your father had to ruin it all.

“We shouldn’t…I can’t this weekend.” Of course, he couldn’t. The only important things for him were work, antagonizing you, and taking your mother on expensive dates.

“Honey,” Your mother let go of your arm to cup her husband’s cheek, “It’s not a crime if the two of us spend a little time together, it’s been long since we had a mother-daughter get-away, right, Y/N?”

You quietly nodded your head, hopeful that your father would let it slide this time, but of course, he wouldn’t, “If Y/N scores a 10/10, you can go.”

You gulped, hating how trusting your mother’s gaze was, how happy she looked, “Of course, honey, she’ll definitely get the highest score. She’s our daughter after all…”

Yes, unfortunately, I’m your daughter.

           After breakfast you quickly got dressed for school, your uniform still warm from getting ironed a few minutes before you had to put it on. You hated wearing skirts to school, but you had no other choice as it was in the dress code. You fixed your hair and painted your lips a soft pink, smiling to yourself in the mirror. Not because you were happy, but because you didn’t want everyone to see how miserable you were. You didn’t have any friends; besides Yoona, you didn’t want any more rumors than the ones already circulating around you. They said all kinds of things about you, but neither was true. They weren’t necessarily bad, besides the one calling you a freak and saying you broke someone’s hand in your freshman year; you didn’t. But people weren’t very fond of you nonetheless and you didn’t want to add onto the list of why you should be more disliked than you already were. You knew the smile looked far from genuine, but it was better than nothing, it lessened the harsh expression of your face. It probably got like that due to your father’s constant pressure hanging over your shoulders.

The car ride was silent, John stirring up casual conversation with your father from time to time, as he drove you to school before driving your father to work. Your car was still in the car-service, actually, Jihoon got a new engine that you were more than happy to test out for him. He was the one who approached you, surprisingly, after your first won race. He said he liked your car and could smell the money from miles away; he offered to help out with your car if you raced on his behalf from time to time. You seriously didn’t need the money, but it sounded like fun and it was weird how impressed everyone was by Jihoon talking to you, so you accepted out of curiosity. It took you a month to realize he was part of the Lee family, being the eldest son actually, and that they owned the streets at night when racing. He truly was the best, both at racing and fixing cars. Sometimes you’d even drop off cash anonymously at his house, when you wouldn’t need it anymore, and you had a feeling he knew but stayed silent about it. Both of you knew that he needed the extra cash from time to time.

Your attention was brought to John when he stopped the car, unlocking the doors. You were parked at the front gates of your high school, you sighed as you grabbed the doorhandle of the car. Partially you were happy to be here just because you would be away from your father and mother.

“Y/N,” Your heart jumped to your stomach when your father called out your name, deep voice booming in the car, “If you don’t score 10/10, I will have to believe you are incompetent and unable to perform well in a private high school. If you don’t raise your score by the end of the semester, your name will be cut from the family tree and I will throw you out without a second thought.”

A cynical smirk appeared on your lips as you opened the door and turned to look at your father, “You can’t throw out a minor, father, unless you want me to go to the police and press magazines. I’m sure they are buzzing to know more about the mysteriously wealthy and handsome Mr. Seo, don’t you think?”

His jaw clenched and John gulped loudly, shaking his head as subtly as he could at you, as you hurriedly got out of the car. You never talked back to your father, you had no idea what came over you, but you felt so fed up with his threats. If only he knew cutting ties with him sounded like heaven to you. You didn’t care if you ended up on the streets as long as it was away from him, you were never hungry for money or greedy for it. You didn’t care about it, you just wanted love from the two figures who were supposed to raise you. Instead, one hated you and the other one was barely ever home.

“Have a good day at work, both of you.” You bowed deeply before closing the door of the vehicle, staring at the tinted window of the backseat. You waited until John drove away and you couldn’t see the car anymore. A strong gush of cold wind suddenly blew through the area and it made you realize that you were glaring at nothing, once again. You hated how little consideration he took of your feelings and how little he made you feel. Your father truly was the devil.

            Yoona’s schedule was rather packed on Monday’s and Wednesday’s, so you couldn’t meet up with her during classes. Which maybe was a good idea, poor girl, you hoped she didn’t think you only used her to have someone to complain to, but you seriously had no one else to talk to. You loved Yoona and how open she was and ignorant to the rumors about you, she was always quick to shut others up. She was only a year older, yet she felt like a mother to you sometimes.

The day passed by incredulously fast and you made sure to take notes in each class, until it was homeroom class time. Your legs were bouncing up and down nervously and loudly as you tried not to bite your nails, a bad habit you were trying to get rid of. Usually, you weren’t this nervous, but your father reminding you of his threat this morning and your reckless answer made you realize if you indeed didn’t score 10/10 at English, you were truly fucked, and you hated the sudden ache of your stomach. It seemed like you were the only one so stressed out as your classmates kept shouting around you, joking and chatting, making your ears ring. All you could do was stare at the door anxiously, waiting for your homeroom teacher to enter this damned classroom already. But the bell didn’t even ring yet, it’s still break time, you sighed and bit your lower lip, trying to calm your nerves. You didn’t mean to, but your eyes fell on a boy and your eyebrows instantly furrowed. His right arm was resting on his desk, his right cheek on it as he slept. He looked so peaceful and carefree that it angered you more. How could he just sit there, sleep there, when you were about to get your grades? You knew he didn’t give a shit about his grades, yet he was always top of your class, breathing down your neck all the time. When you started high school, you never thought you’d meet someone almost as smart as you, and that you’ll be challenged. But Vernon…he just wrecked your life and made it a bigger hell than it already was, and tears almost came to your eyes as you couldn’t look away from his peaceful form. You were jealous and angry, wishing that could be you right now. As your eyes lingered on him, you realized, his cheekbones were high and sharp, almost hollow looking like. You hardly ever paid attention to guys, you didn’t have the time nor energy to put into them, but sometimes you caught yourself dozing off and staring at the back of Vernon’s head. He wasn’t special, far from it, he looked quite normal yet his beauty felt a little foreign, compelling. That was another reason to hate him for, and you never thought more of it, content with the current thoughts of him. You didn’t like him, but you didn’t deny that he was somewhat attractive either. Yet, your heart still started thumping quickly when Vernon’s eyes opened abruptly and made eye contact with you almost instantly, as if he knew you were staring. You averted your eyes and straightened your stance, refusing to look back at the boy, even if he continued staring at you. You never really spoke to him, you didn’t have a reason to, only greeted him in the mornings if you arrived after him…but you did greet everyone, after all. Your legs started bouncing again as Vernon wouldn’t look away and it made the hairs on your arms raise, your anxiety doubling. Why is he staring now? Does he think I like him or something? Maybe he knows I don’t like him? But your attention was brought back to the door as it opened just as the bell rang, and your homeroom teacher in walked. The voices in the classroom started dying down and even Vernon looked away from you, siting up straight in his chair. You were glad, you didn’t think you’d be able to ignore him for longer if your teacher wouldn’t have walked in. You donned out every voice that was still speaking, you even ignored your teacher’s usual speech about how grades weren’t important and that they didn’t actually reflect your knowledge about life…if only he knew what he was speaking. So, you just sat there silently, anxiously waiting for your sheet.

Which turned out to be more and more difficult as you were amongst one of the last ones, for once, making you hate the fact that your family name was ‘Seo’. You have successfully eaten three nails by the time your teacher called out your name and you raised from your chair, legs feeling a bit like jelly, as you rigidly walked up to his desk to take the sheet from him. Your hands shook and you hoped no one noticed, but when you turned to walk back to your seat, you were surprised to see Vernon squinting his eyes at you as he was watching you, once again. Did I draw too much attention onto myself by looking at him? This wasn’t the first time though, why is he suddenly so attentive of me? You ignored his burning gaze as you finally started walking back to your seat, gripping the sheet tightly in your hands. You were curios but also afraid to look. Vernon got his sheet a while ago and you tried to read his expression, but he only shrugged and placed the sheet between his notebooks, seemingly unimpressed. You were hopeful it was because he scored lower this time, but you couldn’t be very sure, he reacted the same way each time.

Finally sitting in your own chair, you took in a deep breath and opened the sheet, staring at the names of the subjects and then the grade next to it.

“Don’t forget kids, I tell you this each time, but I feel like saying this again. Grades don’t define us and you can be whoever you want to be in life, or do whatever you want to do, despite the grades on that paper—”

Your whole body ran cold as your hands started shaking hard, chest constricting as if your lungs stopped getting enough air to be able to function. Your eyes ran over and over again the same row, your brain refusing to acknowledge the information. English: 9,55. You hated what you were seeing, you hated what your teacher was saying, you hated how carefree and light everyone around you seemed to be, you hated Vernon’s gaze burning into the side of your head. You suddenly couldn’t bear sitting in that classroom anymore, it seemed rowdy and hot, your head started pounding painfully as you jumped up from your chair, knocking two notebooks and your sheet off the table. All the eyes on you made your chest tighten further and your eyes snapped towards your teacher when you heard him calling out to you.

“Miss Seo, is everything alright?” You really wanted to answer him, but when you opened your mouth to say something, nothing came out. Embarrassed and unable to take the looks you were getting by your classmates, Vernon’s confused gaze, you stepped around your chair and took off, uncaring of the repercussions. Your teacher called out your name once again, sounding more worried this time, and you glared at Vernon when he still didn’t look away, knocking onto his table on purpose, which made his pencil case and notebook fall to the floor. And with that, you were out of the classroom and running towards the girls restroom, hearing footsteps following you hurriedly. You knew your teacher sent someone after you to make sure that you wouldn’t do anything reckless, and it made you want to cry that your own teacher was more worried about your wellbeing than your own parents. You hoped the person realized you ran out because you wanted to be alone, and that they wouldn’t follow you inside the restroom, and when they actually didn’t, you broke down crying in front of the mirror, turning on the faucet to silence your sobs a little bit. I don’t want to go home.

           You hated the looks your classmates were giving you after your breakdown, but some were nice enough to check up on you. You didn’t like the attention and the fact that you had to lie to them, but it warmed your heart a bit that not everyone was heartless and mean to you. You were surprised to see your things neatly placed in your bag after you returned from the restroom with a girl, Hanna, who your homeroom teacher sent after you to keep you company until you felt better. You wanted to ask who did that, because you wanted to thank them, but decided to stay quiet and just lay low for the rest of the day as rumors of you already spread through school like wildfire. You hated it, but you tried to ignore them…and Vernon too. He shot you a questioning gaze after you got back to class, but you acted like he wasn’t even there. Your gut was telling you that it was him who gathered your stuff from the floor and placed it back into your bag, but why would he do that? You were never very nice to him, and you even knocked his stuff off on purpose when you ran out. Fed up with your constant thoughts of Vernon and what others would say now about you, you blocked everything out and hurriedly gathered your things once the final bell rang, signaling that school was over for the day. You were glad that you could finally leave this place, but your stomach ached when you remembered you had to return home, to meet your father. Running away right now sounded like the smartest thing to do, but once you left your high school, you stopped and looked up towards the sky. The sun was high up and shinning down, creating a warm atmosphere and you looked around to observe that everyone seemed to be in a good mood. Kids were laughing and hanging onto their friends as they groaned about how hard school could get, others kids were excitedly talking about what homecooked meal their mothers made, and some were just hurriedly leaving through the gates. You smiled, but it was a sad smile, because you never experienced any of those feelings. You wished your mother would be at home, waiting for you with a homecooked meal, and that your father would arrive earlier from work and praise you for your grades, deciding to take the three of you out to the arcades. But those were dreams you’d never experience, and rather than continuing to hurt yourself with such fantasies, you took off with a sigh. You followed the path that lead to the iron gates of the high school and bowed your head a little to greet the gatekeeper, who was happy to see you. Not many kids were respectful toward the old man, but you didn’t think lower of him just because of his job, sometimes you’d sneak cookies from home and share them with him. As the weather was a lot warmer than in the morning, you took your scarf off and gasped when something hit your shoulder. You were expecting someone to be picking on you, but when you turned your head and looked at the girl leaning against the stone wall, you let a chuckle fall from your lips.

“I told you to throw your garbage in the trash cans, Yoona.” You scolded the older girl, picking up her cigarette butt to throw it into the nearest trash can later.

“Yeah, whatever,” Yoona rolled her eyes, lighting another cigarette, “What the hell happened today? Your crazy classmates wouldn’t stop talking about how you stormed out after you got your grades.”

You grimaced as you leaned against the stone wall next to your friend, “I didn’t get a 10/10.”

Your answer was direct and Yoona sighed, glancing at you as she puffed out the smoke of her cigar. She knew about your parents, but not the whole truth. She only knew about them being obsessed with your grades and that they were very controlling and harsh to you. You didn’t dare tell her the other things, afraid she’d do something about it, getting you in more trouble.

“Oh, Y/N…” Yoona’s expression was sad and you melted into her hug as she put her arms around you, on the verge of crying, “If it feels too much later on, call me…or come to the races with me, you don’t have to compete or anything. Just be there.”

You hummed and circled your arms around your friend, feeling a bit better as Yoona’s familiar perfume entered your nostrils, “It’s a Wednesday, you know I can’t go out…and I have an English tutor now, we are meeting later for our first session.”

“Oh, really?” Yoona’s interest peaked as she finally pulled herself away from you, patting your cheek, “Do I know him?”

“Maybe, it’s this new guy from America…calls himself DK.” You muttered, puckering your lips at the hilarious name he went by. Yoona’s expression hardened and she scoffed as she finished her cigar, not looking very pleased.

“You know him?” You asked curiously, Yoona not being one to dislike someone.

“Of course,” She rolled her eyes and pushed off the stone wall, dragging her leather jacket tightly around her body, “He’s in my class. He’s very annoying, tries hard to befriend everyone and won’t shut up. He’s not even smart, most of the time only says stupid things—”

“Okay,” You raised up one hand to stop Yoona from rambling, throwing her an amused smile, “What did he do to you that you don’t like him?”

Yoona just rolled her eyes, displeased by how much you knew her already, “He’s all up in my business, won’t leave me alone after he heard me talking to my friend from the U.S. Fucking idiot…”

You started giggling loudly, making Yoona glare at you, but your laughter was contagious and she ended up giggling too, “You’ll figure it out, Yoona.”

“Yeah…hopefully before Johnny decides to smash in his nose.” Her tone turned sour and you gave her a pitiful look, knowing her relationship with Johnny hadn’t been the best lately. Yoona just sighed and you patted her side, reassuring her that you were there for her if she needed someone to complain to. The sudden sound of engine roaring caught your attentions and Yoona turned stiff, looking to the road, where a black car pulled up. The window rolled down and Johnny’s face came in view.

“Speaking of the devil…” You muttered quietly, making Yoona smirk at you.

“Hello, ladies.” Johnny greeted the two of you with a charming smile and Yoona looked at him before back at you.

“Want us to give you a ride home?” You appreciated her offer, but you didn’t know if your dad was already at home. He didn’t mind Yoona very much, he knew her parents, but he hated Johnny and actually forbid you from meeting up with him or with them when they were together. You didn’t want to test the waters furthermore today; you had already done enough in the morning and now with your grade too.

“No, no,” You shook your head quickly, declining her offer nicely, “You can go. I have to pick up some books either way, you don’t have to bother with me…”

Yoona nodded and took off towards her boyfriend’s car, but when she opened the door, she turned back to look at you and mouthed, “Liar.”

You chuckled and waved at them as Johnny gave you a nod before pressing a strong kiss against your best friend’s lips, leaving her with a sour expression as he rolled the window up and took off, the engine of the car creating disturbance to the pedestrians. You looked down at the other cigarette butt Yoona dropped and picked it up with a sigh, dropping it into your pocket, where the other one was. She never listened to you when you told her to throw them away into a trash can, so it became by now a routine to pick them up and throw them away yourself. You took off once again, headed home for real this time, your stomach churned nervously as you played with the cigarette butts in your pocket. Your parents knew you didn’t smoke, they stopped checking up on that since you turned sixteen, so you weren’t afraid of smelling like it. Besides, they knew most kids your age smoked and that it could just easily get into your clothes and hair when you walked by. You sighed at the thought of your parents and tried to enjoy the sun on your skin, welcomed after the cold winter you had. It was hard to walk home, because you were anxious, but the pleasant weather made you slow your usual long strides as you passed the corner of the high school and turned onto the next street. You took the two cigarette butts between your fingers and threw them into the trash can on the side walk as you walked by it, your scalp feeling itchy. Sometimes you made your ponytail too tight and it left your scalp sore, so you quickly undid the tight hold, releasing your long black hair. You thought of cutting it, it was slowly nearing the middle of your back, but your mother said a feminine woman needs her long hair, that it’s precious, and you should never wear it too short. That’s why your hair always reached your scapulas or even longer. I always wondered how I’d look with short hair…it can’t be that bad, right? Your thoughts were interrupted when you suddenly became aware that someone was walking right next to you. You became stiff and ready to speed up, uncomfortable, but when you stole a glance at the person walking next to you, your feet came to an abrupt stop. So did the person, who was scratching his nape awkwardly, looking at your guiltily.

“Uh, sorry.” Vernon’s voice was loud here, the cars and people walking by you were being loud, “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You didn’t scare me.” You answered him too quickly, body stiff as your eyebrows furrowed.

“Yeah, still…” He cleared his throat and you became curious, he never really spoke to you directly, unless you were paired up for a group project during class, “I just wanted to ask you…”

You raised your eyebrows, curiously looking at Vernon, a little annoyed that he was stalling, “What?”

“Are you alright?” Your eyebrows furrowed at his question and you glanced around, feeling uneasy. Why is he suddenly so curious about how I feel? It’s really not his business.

“I’m fine, why?” You snapped, crossing your arms in front of your chest in a way to show him you weren’t too fond of this conversation.

“Just wanted to check up on you.” Vernon muttered as he kept looking at you, the sunlight lighting his features. His skin had a warm glow and he was squinting as he was standing facing the sun, his brown eyes were lighter than you had anticipated them to be.

“Well…” You cleared you throat, feeling a bit flustered, “You didn’t have to.”

Vernon hummed and nodded his head a little, biting his lower lip, an action which caught your attention, “I know…you ran out of class and you didn’t look too good. Just wanted to make sure you’re better now—”

Your inhale was sharp and it alerted Vernon as your eyes snapped back up to look him in the eyes. Your heart was beating like crazy and you knew your face turned hard as Vernon gulped; you took a step to lessen the distance between the two of you, “Stay out of my business, Vernon, you already make my days a nightmare as they are.”

Vernon’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, clearly taken aback by your threatening tone and sentence, not having expected such hostility coming from you. After all, he never did anything wrong to you…directly. He looked lost for a second, you felt bad for being so mean to him, but before he could form a sentence, you turned and rushed away, willing yourself to catch the green cross light, which would turn red by the time Vernon realized you were running away and would stop him from following you. Your heart was beating fast as you turned to look back, to see him standing at the cross dumbfounded, his eyebrows furrowed as he raised one hand as if to ask you to wait for him. You were pretty good at reading people; you had anticipated his moves. You shook your head at him and took off, Vernon losing sight of you in the mass of people walking on the sidewalk.

           You were studying in your room when you heard the front door open and slam closed. Your hands suddenly started shaking as your mother’s laughter carried through the big apartment you lived in, your father’s voice next as he answered her question. You dreaded this moment, you knew it was coming, but you were hoping it would come later. You knew your father was expecting you in his study, so, you rose from your desk and pulled your hair in a low ponytail. You glanced at yourself in the mirror and hated your expression; anyone would be able to see how scared you looked. You started glaring at yourself, trying to stop this horrible feeling brewing inside you, as you pointed a finger at yourself in the mirror.

“Stop it!” You snapped at yourself quietly, “Whatever happens, happens. Walk out there with your head up and don’t say anything unnecessary!”

When you heard your mother’s heels clicking getting closer and closer, you quickly grabbed the sheet and hurried to your door, opening it just as your mother raised her knuckle to knock.

“Y/N!” She exclaimed with a wide smile and placed her palm on your cheek, “Looking pretty today, how do you feel?”

You remained expressionless as you looked at your mother, jealous of her good mood, “Fine, I’ll go see father now.”

“Oh, right!” She exclaimed again and stepped out of your way, shooing you away, “We are supposed to leave in thirteen minutes for our date, don’t keep him up! Also, we should look for some vacation cabins in the mountains for our get-away—”

“We are not going anywhere!” You snapped and turned your head to look at your mother, jaw clenched. How could she not pick up on my mental state? How could she not read my expression when I’ve been hers for seventeen years? When she was my mother?

“Oh…” She cleared her throat, eyebrows furrowing in confusion, “Why…”

“I didn’t get the grade.” You muttered and sighed, taking off towards your father’s office. It was on the other end of the apartment and you had time to even out your expression and calm your erratic heartbeat for at least a while. When you stopped in front of the big, black, door you took a deep breath and ignored your mother, who was headed to their shared bedroom, and knocked on your father’s office door. There was a grunt coming from inside and you knew it was your cue to walk in, so, you opened the door with more force than needed and walked in, leaving the door open. He hated it, but you felt like you’d need to escape tonight, it made you feel safer. Your father glanced at his door and then at you before leaning back in his chair with a sigh. You didn’t sit as you came to a stop in front of his desk, just reached your hand out for him to take the sheet. He nodded once and took it, eyes running over the paper. Your heart started beating quickly once again and you clasped your hands behind your back to stop yourself from biting your other nails you didn’t get to in school. Involuntarily, your left foot started tapping against the floorboards of the office and you gulped as you looked straight ahead when your father’s eyes fell on you.

“What did I say?” His voice was hard, sheet crumbled up in his hands. Don’t answer him, let him scream at you, “I thought I was clear.”

When he fell silent you didn’t know what to do or say, so you just let your head hang low, avoiding eye contact with your father, “You are telling me that you’re unable to get a 10/10 at English? When your mother is American?! Is your brain perhaps too little for you to comprehend what you have to learn?! Are you dumb, Y/N?!”

That felt like the last straw. I’m not dumb, I’m more competent than you once were! Your eyes snapped up to meet your father’s, your glare melting into his, “How am I dumb? I got a 9,55, father! And I got a 10/10 at everything else! I’m top of my class and high school! What more do you want?!”

Your voice broke at the end of the sentence, and your body shook, you have never raised your voice at your father. He looked shocked for a second, but in a second also, he was up and storming around his desk to reach you.

“You ungrateful scum!” He shouted loudly, his deep voice made you jump, “I feed you! I give you money! I buy you clothes! I put a roof over your head! And this is how you pay me back? By talking back and thinking you are better than me?!”

“When did I ever say that—” The words died in your throat as the back of your father’s palm slammed into your cheek harshly. Your eyes widened as your head snapped to the other side, tears instantly sprung to your eyes. You remained like that, unmoving and quiet, fighting with your tears. I’d rather die than cry right now. Your father scoffed and you felt the sheet hit your head as he threw that at you as well, as he turned away from you.

“You have three months to fix your mistakes, Y/N. After that, I will not see you anymore in this house.” You gulped at his words, straightening once he walked away and you knew he wouldn’t hit you again. You remained in front of his desk as he walked towards his door, about to get changed for his date with your mother. A broken chuckle left your lips as you looked up at the ceiling, one single tear rolling down your cheek. Better make his life hell in those three months!

“I can’t wait to leave this fucking hell!” You hissed, unaware that your father didn’t leave the room yet. He hesitated taking his next step as he looked back at you with furrowed eyebrows, taken aback by your words.

“I wish I was never born into this fucking family.” At this point, you didn’t even care if he was still standing in the doorway or not, it just felt good to speak your mind aloud. You wanted to shout at the top of your lungs for your parents to hear what you had to say. You wanted everyone to know. I hate them. Your father gulped as he took one final look at you, his jaw clenched, before he shook his head and walked away with a scoff. All he could think of was that you were a spoiled, ungrateful brat. Meanwhile, all you could think of was the day you’d finally be able to run away. In three months, you’d turn eighteen, school would finally end, and you’d leave this shithole you hated with your whole heart. Screw them both, who gives a fuck about them anyways?

           That night you went to bed crying, which resulted in having a puffy face once you woke up. Your study session with DK wasn’t very successful and once he realized you just weren’t in the right state of mind to study, he dismissed you and set another appointment for next week, saying your English was almost better than his and that you didn’t even need tutoring. You knew that, but you were hopeful that if DK helps you out, on your next exam you’ll get a 10/10 just to spite your father before you move out. While crying, you have decided, that no matter what, in three months you were out of that place. You didn’t want to stay there anymore, you’d rent out a small apartment downtown, find a job and finish your last year of high school. You knew your mother would secretly support you and give you enough money to survive for months, but you didn’t want anything that was theirs anymore…especially their money. When you looked in the mirror to get ready for a new day, all you could do was sigh. Your eyes were big and red and you knew you’d have to spend half an hour just pouring cold water on them to make the swell go away. But when you pulled your hair in a bun, you knew the greenish-bluish bruise on your right cheekbone wouldn’t go away with cold water, you had to put on makeup. This is why you didn’t tell Yoona exactly everything about your family, especially your father, she would’ve reported it without a second thought. You disliked your parents, yes, but they were still your parents. Right now, they were everything you’ve got and you could make them suffer in different, much more effective ways. You decided to let your hair rest freely today, knowing it would offer more cover for your cheek, even if the expensive foundation and color corrector did their jobs fairly well. At breakfast you didn’t speak at all to your parents and you refused to ride with John and your father to school, taking the bus instead as you were running late a bit to be walking. You were in a bad mood all day and everyone could see it, even Yoona, who was a lot more cheerful than yesterday. She promised to hang out with you at lunch break and you were thankful, you felt like you needed to be in her presence today. Vernon was becoming plain annoying with his constant staring and his attempt to talk to you in one of the short breaks you had between classes, which alerted everyone from your class. You threw him a harsh glare and he understood that you wanted nothing to do with him, so he went back to his desk and left you alone for the rest of the day.

You were fixing your makeup before the lunch break arrived, your geography teacher let you off early today, as you stared into your small pocket mirror. You pulled your hair behind your ear as you took out the little cushion and started tapping it lightly against your cheekbone, not much of the foundation had come off, but you wanted to be sure. Especially since you were having lunch with Yoona. As you stared at yourself, your eyes looking lifeless, your ears picked up a loud voice greeting someone from your classroom. You looked up, curious, and your eyes fell on Vernon’s table. A darker blonde-haired boy, quite scrawny looking with dirty clothes, was leaning against Vernon’s desk. He looked younger than the two of you, maybe he was your age, but his complex gave him a boyish look. Vernon looked panicked as he stared at the boy, pinching his ear and making the boy cry out. A few of your classmates glanced at them, but no one seemed as invested and curious as you were. Vernon looked like he got caught doing something illegal, it definitely picked your interest. In your mind, Vernon was this perfect boy, perfect student, whom never did anything bad. Seeing that look on his face, you placed your mirror down on your desk and sneakily continued to watch them.

“Hyung, I’m just here to tell you something important!” The young boy exclaimed annoyed, earning a few more confused looks as he wasn’t wearing your high school’s uniform…or any for that matter. Is he not in school? He seems very young however…maybe he just skipped classes today? Vernon’s eyes widened and accidentally connected with yours and you quickly looked down, absentmindedly flipping through your long-forgotten fashion magazine. You felt his gaze remain on you for a few more seconds before it was gone; you peaked up at them to see the younger boy hunched over Vernon’s desk as he was articulately whispering something. Now, that made you even more curious about what they were speaking, and you looked back down at your magazine. A model you didn’t like had their picture on the page, so, you gripped it and tore the page out, crumbling the paper up. There, this should do for a good excuse to pass by them. You cleared your throat, feeling like you were about to commit a felony, and checked if anyone was watching you, but no one was. You hummed to yourself and looked around, trying to look innocent as you started slowly walking towards Vernon’s desk. Your heart started beating faster as your grip tightened on the paper and you slowed down even more once you could hear the boy’s high-pitched voice.

“Hyung, I’m not kidding! They said they’ll pay really well!” Pay well for what? Your eyebrows furrowed as you became intrigued, eager to find out more.

“I’m not racing against Jun anymore, why can’t you understand that?!” Vernon snapped quietly; his eyebrows were furrowed as he was glaring at his desk. The young boy sighed loudly and you actually stopped walking, standing just two feet away from them. Jun? Vernon is racing? Is this what I think it is?

“Come on, hyung!” The young boy whined and you jumped when something crashed in the back, the paper falling from your grip, “It’s tomorrow night, on a Friday, your mom won’t be pissed if we go racing—”

“Shut up!” Vernon’s voice was hard as you made eye contact. Your face must have said it all because Vernon didn’t look pleased, you heard something you weren’t supposed to. You cleared your throat and walked to the trash bin, feeling the little smirk creep onto your lips. Vernon races? How come I’ve never seen him before? Your thoughts became a whirlwind as you turned to walk back to your desk, eyes falling onto Vernon. He was glaring at you and suddenly you felt powerful, like you were in control of this situation. Vernon was racing Jun? Last month I beat Jun…that means…I can finally beat Vernon at something. You were suddenly pleased and even your mood got better, something you weren’t expecting to happen anytime soon. You didn’t have to think twice as the bell rang signaling it was time for lunch break. The young boy hadn’t left yet and it looked like Vernon was scolding him as you reached inside your backpack and felt around it. You gripped your sandwich first and then the cold rolled up material. You took both items out and your lips widened into a big smirk as your eyes fell on Vernon, who was busy talking to the boy. This is it. I can finally show him he isn’t better at everything. He’s not rich, I have a Veyron, it doesn’t matter what car he has, I will beat him without a doubt. You took off, gripping your things tightly as you were headed straight towards Vernon’s table. Him and the boy stopped whispering when they felt your presence behind them and they turned both to look at you. You slammed the big roll of cash on Vernon’s table, making their jaws drop as the young boy looked back at you as if you grew two heads out. You felt powerful and proud, so, with a wink directed at the young boy you brushed past him to find Yoona and enjoy your lunch with her. You knew Vernon understood your message.

           Classes passed by quickly and you were buzzing to get out of school, for once not even having thought of your parents since the incident with Vernon. You wanted to talk to him, but not at school, you didn’t want your classmates to start more unwanted rumors about you or Vernon. You might dislike him, but you didn’t want to drag him into unnecessary drama. So, you told Yoona that tomorrow you were going to the races and she was excited, telling you she’d be there too with Johnny and his crew, and that she’d cheer for you. She was proud of you and amused at the same time, she knew you disliked Vernon, so she understood how much this meant to you. It was childish, but Yoona didn’t judge you for it, even cheered you on, she could see something was wrong today. So, when you left the school gates, you walked down the street after you promised Yoona that she could drive you home tomorrow, and you turned the corner. You knew Vernon walked this way to get home, so you leaned against the stone wall of the school fence and took a deep breath in, suddenly confused why your heart was beating so fast. Am I nervous because I’m about to see Vernon? No, that’s stupid, I don’t have a reason to feel this way around him. You stood up straight when Vernon rounded the corner and his eyes fell on you, narrowing dangerously as he approached you. When he stopped in front of you, he remained silent and you rolled your eyes, opening your mouth to speak.

“I’m sure you know what I meant by that…” You trailed off and Vernon nodded wordlessly, “I’m challenging you to race.”

“I know.” Vernon nodded again, his voice seemed to be a lot deeper right now, and you didn’t even realize it when you blushed.

“I heard some rumors…” You started, trying to remain confident under his sudden intimidating gaze, “About a guy called Vernon who drifts better than Lee Seungkwan, is that you?”

A smirk appeared on Vernon’s lips and your eyebrows furrowed when your heartbeat picked up again, suddenly you felt hot standing under the sun, “It is me.”

You didn’t like the look on Vernon’s face, you felt like he knew he was making you flustered, so you took a step to be closer, “Well then, here’s my proposal…I win, you teach me how to drift. You win, I’ll go on a date with you.”

I can’t believe this is the proposal I’m making, I sound stupid. How do I know he wants to go on a date with me? Now I’m just blindly assuming and insinuating that he might like me, oh no…Your cheeks warmed up again and you hated the way Vernon started laughing, his mouth opening and showing his teeth.

“How do you know if I want to go on a date with you?” Vernon raised one eyebrow and you rolled your eyes, trying to mask your initial panic.

“Call it a hunch,” You answered back with a smirk, trying to fake your confidence that suddenly decided to disappear, “are you in or not?”

Vernon remained silent for a few seconds as his eyes ran over your face, his features softening. You bit your lower lip, feeling nervous all of a sudden as no boy looked at you like that before.

“I’m in.” He extended his hand for you to shake and you looked down at it, hesitantly shaking his hand. His grip was strong and warm, his palm surprisingly soft as it caressed yours, it was so much bigger. Your cheeks burned again and your eyebrows furrowed as you became angry at yourself and pulled your hand away, throwing Vernon a small glare. He seemed amused as you turned and stormed off, completely missing the smitten look Vernon was giving you.

           You woke up feeling excited, which was a foreign feeling, as you usually dreaded having breakfast with your parents. Last night you tried to nurse the bruise on your cheek with ice and ointment, but the colors were still there and you had to cover it with foundation once again. You let your hair hang freely once again and once you were dressed; you went out to have breakfast. Your parents weren’t in the dining room, so you headed to the kitchen, surprising the maids, and asked them to let you have breakfast there. They were hesitant but didn’t try to argue with you when they saw the genuine smile on your face; they could see how your mood was strangely good today and decided not to ruin it. After that, you skillfully creeped around the apartment, making sure to avoid your parents as you headed for school, your long strides taking you to school quickly. Yoona and you got there at the same time so you asked her to take you to Jihoon’s car-service after school, she said she’d drive you home today after all, as your Veyron was ready to be picked up for tonight’s race. Vernon seemed to be smug as he offered you a few smirks here and there throughout the day, and when you returned from the restroom, you found a protein bar on your desk. Confused, you looked around and watched your classmates, who weren’t paying much attention to you. Vernon wasn’t in the classroom and you sighed, about to sit, when Hanna waved her hand at you. You raised your eyebrows at her in question and she just pointed at Vernon’s table before at the protein bar. You understood what she tried saying and with red cheeks you slumped into your chair, crossing your arms in front of your chest. Your gaze fell on the protein bar and just as you poked it annoyed, Vernon walked in with two of his friends and his eyes fell on you. You threw him a glare and hid behind your long hair, refusing to let him see the blush on your cheeks, I blushed enough yesterday. His ego didn’t need to be further fed. You found it amusing how sure he looked of himself, you knew he was convinced that he’d win tonight, but you also knew he’d be a sore loser. You haven’t seen many people with expensive cars at the races, even if the engine is the one that counts, your Veyron just naturally was faster and better than most cars they owned. It was why you were able to win so many races until now and why Jihoon approached you in the first place. He was excited to see the new engine he installed in action tonight, he would sell it for big money if you win.

           Your parents were still out on their date when you left the apartment, you didn’t have to worry about them seeing you dressed ‘like a hooker’, as they called this style. It wasn’t even anything bad, just leather pants and a strapless crop top and your leather jacket. You wore your thick, plain, platformed boots so that you’ll seem taller but be able to drive at the same time. Once you got to the garage you smiled pridefully at your car as you unlocked it. You really loved the car; it was your most prized possession as it brought you many victories so far. Once you turned the car on, goosebumps appeared on your arms at the roar of the engine. It was humming loudly and it shook your car in the best way possible as you carefully drove out of the garage. You turned on the radio and chuckled when Yoona’s favorite song came on, rolling down the windows to let the chilly air of the night fill your car. You pulled your hair in a low ponytail so that it wouldn’t accidentally get in your face and disturb you, you were aware of what you did was dangerous. You were careful as you drove down the illuminated streets of Seoul, making sure you wouldn’t exceed the speed limit. Wouldn’t want to make your father hate you more and take your car away. You’d get there at least fifteen minutes earlier, and you’d lie if you said your stomach wasn’t whirling around due to nervousness. You gripped the wheel tightly as you shook your head, passing by a green light, trying to clear your mind. This really isn’t the time to be nervous about something that I will most definitely win. The engine change wasn’t very obvious, your car was actually a bit slower, but it still flew down the streets if you pressed the gas pedal. Jihoon assured you you’d definitely win, even with the slight change, and you promised to give half of the profit to him. Tonight, he was making good money, people would flock to him to buy this new engine which to them seemed like it was as fast as an original Veyron engine, people were easy to fool. You drove through downtown and past some warehouses, music getting carried to where you were currently, even though the meeting point was one block away. You slowed as you turned the next corner and shut the lights of the car off as the street was illuminated well enough by the lampposts but the reflectors brought by the people here too. The street you were on was a very long streets, on both sides were abandoned buildings, and cars were parked close to those building to leave space for the circulating cars, and people, to pass by. You honked softly and the mass of people in front of you started fleeing out of your way, creating a straight path for you to the start line. You slowly rolled by them, the loud music coming from different car speakers could be felt even in your car, you picked up on the slight vibrations. People who knew you greeted you with grins and tapped your turquoise car, becoming excited when they saw you weren’t about to park anywhere. They knew you were racing tonight and as you arrived to the start line, people started cheering your name. You started laughing as you turned the engine off and got out of your car, grinning at the people surrounding you.

“There you are!” Yoona exclaimed as she leaned against the front of your car, arms crossed in front of her. You chuckled and approached her, draping an arm around her shoulders.

“Did you think I’d miss tonight?”

“Nothing’s ever sure with you…” She was right and you rolled your eyes, having missed races not once because of your parents being home. They didn’t know what you did in your free time, but sometimes they’d forbid you from spending your Fridays out, even though you always said you were sleeping over at Yoona’s.

“Did you see Vernon?” You asked as you looked around, unable to see anyone familiar in the huge crowd around you. Butterflies in your stomach made you rub your tummy as you pouted and Yoona started laughing loudly.

“Don’t tell me you’re nervous?” Her eyebrows raised and you decided not to look at her, “And no, I don’t even know if he’s here. Maybe he chickened out—”

A loud roar of an engine made Yoona’s words unable to be heard and you whipped your head around, eyes falling on a red Honda Civic Type R. The windows were tinted and you couldn’t see inside, but you knew it was Vernon, no one else was racing beside the two of you for the next twenty minutes. Yoona’s eyes widened just a bit as you both watched Vernon get out of the car and you were confused when two blondes ran up to him squealing.

“Oppa!” They chorused and your face distorted into disgust as Yoona burst out laughing, leaning back as her head was thrown back. You looked at her, expression still the same, and it made her laugh louder and harder. Your eyes fell on Johnny, who was smirking, as he started approaching you, his eyes falling on Vernon.

“Brought along your Barbie dolls, eh?” He tapped Yoona’s thigh as he walked past, headed for Vernon. The two blondes clung onto Vernon’s arms and you finally looked at him, taking in his attire. He wore ripped jeans and a form fitting navy green blouse, a leather jacket keeping him warm from the chilly air. A few chains hung around his neck and his dark hair was pushed back. You were surprised to see Vernon dressed like this; you didn’t think his style would be like that. You’ve only ever seen him in his uniform and some loose gym clothes. You gulped and Yoona nudged you, eyes squinted.

“Stop staring at him, you’re making it very obvious.” She muttered as she leaned down as if she was about to whisper something to you.

“What?” You asked confused as you turned your head, Vernon just shook hands with Johnny, and you then looked back at Yoona.

“That you like him.” Yoona’s words hit you like a truck and you couldn’t help the very loud scoff that left your lips. Is she crazy? I like Vernon? Where did she get that from?!

“Did you take something before you—”

Yoona threw you a warning glare and you didn’t finish your sentence as you knew better, but your attention was back on Johnny and Vernon, it looked like they’ve known each other for quite a while as they talked casually.

“Taking her out for a tour?” Johnny asked with a grin as he placed his hand on Vernon’s Honda. Vernon nodded and untangled himself from the two blondes, a smirk appearing on his lips. Your stomach did a somersault and you gasped quietly, confused as to what that feeling meant and why you only ever felt so flustered around Vernon. Yoona can’t be right…

“Nah, I’m here to claim my prize.” Vernon’s eyes fell on you and your back straightened as you quickly smoothed your expression into a neutral one. You knew your cheeks were still burning, but it was so chilly outside, one could blame it on that. You chuckled as Johnny looked at you too, seemingly having realized Vernon was racing you tonight.

“I don’t know man,” He said with an amused smirk, patting Vernon’s back forcefully, “I’ve never seen Y/N lose before in that car.”

You couldn’t help but notice the slight envy that slipped into Johnny’s tone and it made you smirk; you always knew he wanted your car. He was pretty pissed when you refused to let him drive it, you weren’t about to let a lunatic wreck your precious car. If something happened to it and you’d had to tell your parents it was Johnny’s fault, you were sure you’d never get to see the daylight ever again.

“You’re still in, right, Chwe?” You raised your eyebrows mockingly and Vernon scoffed, opening his door.

“Why don’t you sit inside your car so that we get over with this?” You chuckled and pushed off your car, Yoona following suit as Johnny walked up to the two of you, grabbing Yoona’s nape. You watched as he stared her in the eyes, eyes narrowing the slightest at her, and Yoona’s jaw clenched as she waited patiently for Johnny to stop. You hated when he did that, tried dominating Yoona or got possessive to the point of hurting her, so you ripped your car door open and pressed down on the honk harshly. Both of them jumped and Johnny looked at you with a glare.

“Move along, dickhead, I haven’t got all night.” You snapped at him and he chuckled, releasing Yoona, who looked thankful as she pushed Johnny slightly back and walked away while shooting you a finger heart.

“Don’t crash.” You rolled your eyes at Johnny’s words and got in as he walked to the side where Yoona stood, circling his arms around your best friend’s waist. Out of nowhere, Jun showed up, holding a checkered flag. You closed your door shut and put on your seatbelt, melting into your seat. Vernon’s engine roared to life and you were quick to do the same, Jun having come to a stop between the two cars.

“You know the drill,” Jun shouted over everyone’s voice, “You’ve got 400 meters, whichever finishes first wins and gets the money.”

Vernon reeled his engine and you just smirked; eyes fixed on the checkered flag as Jun raised it. You always concentrated, how you start, is the most important thing. You can’t lose seconds and you have to be faster than the other one, it gives you already a very small but significant advantage. You gripped the gearstick and the wheel with your other hand, ready to shift it into drive. You hated how your eyes had to take a glance at Vernon and it annoyed you even more when you realized his eyes were on you. What if Yoona is right and I do like him? I do feel flustered around him. Isn’t it just because he makes me angry? A few days ago, I was convinced I hated him with all my heart. What is it that I truly feel for him then? Jun’s hand with the flag dropped and you shifted the gearstick just in a second, your foot pressing down the gas pedal. You didn’t look anywhere else as your car came to an abrupt start, the safety belt cutting into the exposed skin of your collarbones and your eyebrows furrowed as your car picked up speed in just seconds. Everything became a blur around you, all you saw was the finish line that was still far away, but you were getting closer and closer. You didn’t know where Vernon was, but having not seen him pass you, you believed he was still behind somewhere. Your stiff body almost felt relaxed, despite the contraction of your muscles to keep the car going in a straight line at such high speed, and your mind was silent. You didn’t hear anything, the radio was always off when you raced because you wanted to hear the engine, and your labored breathing felt almost relaxing. You felt in control and free, a small smile slipped onto your lips when you noticed Seungkwan standing on the side with a big checkered flag, flapping it around above him. You were close, just a few more meters. Your engine cried loudly as you pushed the gas pedal for another boost of energy, your car crossing the finish line before Vernon’s could. You let go of the gas pedal and hit the brakes, your car coming to a stop slowly but surely. People flooded around your car and your head rested on the head rest as you closed your eyes, surprised by how fast your heart was beating. Adrenaline always flooded your veins, but never this much. You opened one eye and glanced to your left, but Vernon’s car was nowhere. It confused you as you turned the engine off, undoing your seatbelt. People were cheering for you, your name leaving their lips as they tapped your car in congratulations, and you gripped the door handle to open it. Just as you pushed it open, it was pushed back closed and your eyebrows furrowed, until Vernon’s face popped up. He motioned with his finger to roll down your window and you did, still looking at him confused.

“What are you doing?” You asked, your voice loud, as Vernon threw the cash back at you, making it land in your lap.

“I lost,” His tone was hard and he looked displeased, “but you knew I would, so take your money back.”

You rolled your eyes and gripped the cash, raising it up between your faces, “I gave it to you regardless of the outcome, our deal was about something else—”

“I’m not your charity case!” Vernon’s voice turned harsh and you raised your eyebrows at him, finding it weird how pissed he suddenly was, “I’ll meet you tomorrow at noon at the abandoned sandy tracks half an hour from here. Don’t come with the Veyron, it’s not a car for beginners.”

You opened your mouth to snap at him that you weren’t a beginner, but Vernon turned around and stormed away, pushing people out of his way. You turned your head to see where he was headed, and you found his car just a few meters away from the finish line, 100 meter between yours and his car. What a dick.

           The revving of the engine was a sign that you were doing something wrong and out of anger, you hit the brakes harshly, sending yourself and the person sitting in the passenger seat forward. Your heart was beating fast as you gripped the steering wheel with both hands, your skin melting into the material of the wheel. The seatbelt was cutting into your skin too and your jaw clenched when a chuckle came from your right. You knew Vernon was smirking in amusement, very pleased to see you fail once again. You thought you’d learn how to drift quickly and easily, but here you were, almost two hours later, barely being able to make one right turn. You didn’t know what it was that made it so hard, it couldn’t have been Vernon’s Honda, you’ve driven cars like his before thanks to Jihoon; you really didn’t understand what was the matter. I can’t believe I’ve been embarrassing myself for the past two hours. A sigh left your mouth and you glanced at Vernon, who’s right arm was perched on the windowsill and he had his smirk still on.

“You suck at teaching,” You had to say something to save yourself from further embarrassment, “That’s why I still can’t do it.”

It was so amusing to Vernon that he started laughing, his mouth widening and his teeth showed. Your heart only seemed to pick up its rhythm and your eyebrows furrowed as you harshly shifted the gear to start doing another round.

“Hey, hey—” Vernon was quick to notice your change of demeanor and your fingers tightened around the shift stick when he gripped your hand, “I think we had enough for today, Y/N…especially my car. I can’t have you burning down my brakes, sorry.”

“If you’d let me come with my Veyron you wouldn’t be here complaining—”

“And risk wrecking that car?” Vernon’s eyebrows shoot up and you looked at him, his hand was still on top of yours as if he forgot it there, “Hell, I bet your parents don’t even know you race…I for sure would bite my kid’s head off if I found out they raced with a car like yours—”

“Yeah,” You snapped, eyes blazing as you glared at Vernon, what does he know about me, “That’s why they don’t know. Let go of my hand now and tell me where to drive.”

Vernon gulped and if you weren’t so angry, you probably would have blushed at his reaction. He looked down at your hands as if he realized due to your words it was still on top of yours and he quickly placed it in his lap, clearing his throat as you looked away, “I’m quite hungry, let’s have lunch.”

“Just tell me where you live and I’ll call John to pick me up—”

“No!” Vernon’s voice rose a bit and you looked at him surprised as you were driving away from the abandoned race tracks, “I mean…come have lunch with us. My mom knows where we are and she’d be really pissed if I didn’t invite you for lunch…”

Your heart started beating fast again and you bit your lower lip, trying to ignore his words and the temptation to say yes, “I can’t stay.”

“Please—”

“No.” Vernon knew it was final and that he couldn’t try convincing you anymore, but he really wanted you to stay. He was amazed by you, truth be told. He didn’t know what was so attractive about you, because you might have been beautiful, but he never really cared much about looks. Something about the way you would always look at him, he felt some hidden feelings that you desperately tried to hide from him and yourself as well. He knew you had something with him personally, he didn’t understand why, but he hoped one day you’d have enough courage to tell him. It was the only reason why he never tried getting close to you, he was afraid honestly, that you’d reject him in a very unpleasant way and he wanted to save himself from the heartbreak. He didn’t even know you raced, he never heard of your name being gossiped at the races, however, he did hear something from Chan, who worked for Lee Jihoon. But you weren’t the only girl who’s name was Y/N, he couldn’t just assume so boldly. As you focused on the road, on driving back towards the main roads, you failed to notice Vernon’s intense gaze analyzing your every movement, expression. Your bruise had faded nicely, after icing it non-stop when you were home, but you could still faintly see it. So faintly, that one would have to be really close next to you to see it, or so you thought. Vernon clearly saw it and just as he opened his mouth to question what it was, you sighed.

“Yesterday…” You started quietly, your muscles having eased now that you were just driving around casually and Vernon wasn’t touching you, “I feel like I insulted you…”

Vernon’s eyebrows furrowed as he watched you, pointing towards a street, to which you turned, “Insulted me?”

“With the money…I didn’t want to make it seem like I was—”

But Vernon didn’t want to hear it, because quite frankly, he wasn’t insulted at all last night. He was pissed, because you won. And that was only because he really wanted to go on that date with you. However, now that you’ve been alone in his car for almost two hours, he didn’t seem to mind it that much, “I wasn’t insulted, Y/N. I know you are rich and that I have less than you, but it didn’t mean anything to me.”

Your eyebrows furrowed and once again followed Vernon’s instructions, which lead to a quiet side of the city, “Why were you so angry then?”

“I was frustrated, not necessarily angry.” Your lips pulled up into a smile and you glanced at Vernon.

“I probably should have warned you I drive a Veyron—”

“I heard Jihoon sold your engine.”

“It wasn’t mine. He bought it and wanted me to show it off so that he could sell it for more.”

“Smart.”

“I know.” You found yourself glancing at Vernon with a smile, which he returned, as he pointed towards a house at the end of the street. It was a dead end, and theirs was the last house. It looked normal size, white, and had a nice front lawn. You didn’t think Vernon was poor, but the quality of the house surprised you. It had a refreshing look and definitely looked cozy just from the outside. You parked the car in the driveway, like Vernon instructed, and turned the engine off. You both undid your seatbelts and got out of the car; your eyes glanced towards the house. The window on the second floor was opened and loud music was blasting through it. A smile had pulled onto your lips without realizing and Vernon cleared his throat to get your attention.

“That’s my sister…she’s a bit loud sometimes.” You nodded as your eyes fell on Vernon, who’s hands were in the pockets of his baggy jeans, it weirdly looked good on him. Vernon’s style surprised you. It looked really cool and was actually very fitting for him, now you realized. It would be weird seeing him now in his uniform, knowing his preference in clothes.

“I’ll call John—" But just as you grabbed your phone from your jacket, the front door opened and a middle-aged lady walked out, hands on her waist.

“Look at you two!” She exclaimed in English and your lips instantly pulled into a smile, her accent sounding an awful lot like Vernon’s, “I thought you’d never come home. Come on!”

Vernon grinned at his mother and took off, but you remained put, “Uh, ma’am I’ll be calling my father’s driver to pick me up.”

“Non-sense!” Vernon’s mother’s eyebrows furrowed as she stepped down a few steps, “Hurry up inside, I just finished the soup.”

“Ma’am, I really can’t stay for lunch—”

“Vernon, go get her!” And before you could disagree more, his mother walked inside, leaving the door open for you. Your eyes fell on Vernon and you shook your head, about to dial John’s number. I really don’t want to be here right now. My father is already pissed enough at me, I shouldn’t miss lunch today…especially since we are meeting with his business partners.

“If you don’t have lunch with us, mom won’t let me help you tomorrow or next week.” Your eyebrows furrowed at Vernon’s words and you looked down at your cellphone, hesitant to put it away. Would it really be so bad if I stayed? It’s just one lunch. Besides, I most definitely don’t want to meet Mr. Kim’s son, he’s too rude for my liking. You rolled your eyes and put your phone on ‘do not disturb’, putting it back inside your jacket’s pocket as you followed Vernon inside the house.

The house on the inside was exactly how you imagined it to be. Walls white with big windows to let the natural light inside and everywhere you looked, you saw family pictures. It seemed like Vernon’s mother really liked flowers too as you could find them in every corner of the house. There was a scent of homecooked meal and it smelled so much better than the one coming from your maids at home. It was a lot warmer inside than outside, so you decided to get rid of your jacket too after you left your shoes in the doorway. You’d usually wear flip flops at home, but when Vernon gave you none and instructed to just go straight ahead while he went upstairs, you didn’t say anything about it. You watched Vernon hurry up the stairs as you walked down the hallway, humming coming from where Vernon instructed you to head towards.

“Oh, good!” It was his mom, once you stepped inside the kitchen, the scent of homecooked food was stronger. The kitchen wasn’t very big, just enough for a few people to be inside, but when you looked to your left you noticed there was a dining room, the young boy from school was there actually. He was sitting on a chair, one foot up on the chair next to him as he watched something on his phone, picking his nose in the process. It was a sight you weren’t expecting, such a normal sight you never got to see at home, that it made you laugh. You actually started laughing so hard it alerted the young boy, who’s cheeks became pink and he shoot you a glare.

“Chan,” Vernon’s mom sighed as she glanced back to see what was so funny, “He was picking his nose again, wasn’t he?”

You only nodded as you tried to stop laughing, the boy actually got up and walked towards you with a small glare. You weren’t aware that Vernon had a brother, besides, this Chan boy looked nothing like Vernon or his mother.

“I’m Y/L/N Y/N by the way,” You spoke up as Chan stopped beside you, squaring you up with his eyes, as you watched Vernon’s mother.

“Yes, Vernon told me who he was going with. Wasn’t expecting a girl to want to learn how to drift.” Chan scoffed next to you as he offered you his hand once he was done taking your form in.

“Lee Chan.” You shook his hand and narrowed your eyes at him, “And Mrs. Chwe, I told you women like to race. Sometimes there’s more of them at the race tracks than men.”

“He’s not wrong.” You approved of his words, looking back at him, “You’re not related to the Lee family, right?”

“Do I look like I am?” Chan had a sharp tongue and you scoffed, watching him brush past you, “Let me put the plates, Mrs. Chwe.”

“You should be studying, Chan, dear.” Chan just rolled his eyes as he opened a drawer and pointed at the cutlery and motioned for you to take them. You grimaced at him but proceeded to help him out, it was better than standing awkwardly in the kitchen and doing nothing.

“Studying is a luxury that I can’t benefit of.” Your eyebrows furrowed as you walked alongside Chan to the dining room, setting the plates and cutlery on the long table.

“What do you mean?” You asked quietly, noticing one plate missing.

“I don’t have enough money to go to school, Y/N.” Chan answered with an impassive voice, but you couldn’t help and notice the yearning behind his words.

“How old are you?” You found yourself asking again, something tugging at your heartstrings. Am I feeling bad for him? He deserves to have part of education like everyone else. He seems like a quick-witted boy.

“Sixteen.” Chan muttered and brushed past you as he headed for the door of the kitchen. You looked at Mrs. Chwe as she brought the pot of soup to the table, still steaming as it had been recently finished. She had a sad expression as she heard your little exchange with Chan and it suddenly all made sense. He’s here because they are taking care of him. I don’t know his home situation, but if Mrs. Chwe took him in, it must mean that he wasn’t living well before at all.

“Vernon! Sofia!” You jumped at Chan’s shrill voice and Mrs. Chwe chuckled, taking a seat at the head of the table.

“Sit wherever you want,” She offered you a smile and you chose to sit on her left, the cushion was soft underneath your bum, “Can’t believe my son just left you to yourself, where are his manners.”

“It’s alright, Mrs. Chwe.” You reassured her, sitting patiently as Chan chose to sit across from you. You internally cursed and hoped that Sofia would take the seat next to you, but you didn’t have that much luck. As the girl came into view, she raced Vernon and jumped into the seat next to Chan, leaving Vernon with a glare directed at her. You looked at Vernon and tried to keep a neutral expression, knowing all eyes were basically on the two of you. His black hair was dripping still and he had changed from the clothes he was wearing earlier today. He wore black sweatpants and a tight white t-shirt, which made your heart beat faster. You never noticed that Vernon had muscles before and you were praying to all Gods that you wouldn’t blush upon seeing the way his t-shirt sat tightly against his chest.

“Finally,” His mother said with a sour expression and Vernon chuckled awkwardly, taking his seat next to you. You tensed up when Vernon’s knee knocked into yours underneath the table and Chan just randomly chuckled, making everyone look at him.

“Nothing, sorry!” He quickly dismissed it and greedily grabbed for the ladle to pour soup into his bowl. Vernon kept his eyes on Chan and the younger boy tried to mask his chuckle with a scoff. It was weird but you said nothing as this seemed to be normal for the other people sitting at the table.

“I’m Sofia!” Your eyes fell on the girl sitting next to Chan and you offered her a genuine smile.

“I’m Y/N.” She grinned back at you and stole the ladle from Chan, elbowing him when he filled his bowl to the brim.

“I love this soup, stop it!” He exclaimed loudly and scooted his chair away from the girl, throwing daggers at her.

“You won’t leave anything for us!” Sofia fired back and you sat quietly, your body once again relaxed. Vernon’s hands on the table kept clenching and unclenching and you stole a glance at him, he was watching his sister and friend’s banter with a glare.

“Stop it, kids,” Mrs. Chwe intervened and took the ladle from Sofia once she was done, “You always serve the guest first.”

“It’s alright, don’t worry!” You quickly dismissed her words, offering her your bowl when she raised her hand, “You don’t have to change your habits just because I’m here.”

Vernon’s mother smiled as she handed you back the bowl, “You seem to be the most well behaved here, my dear.”

Your cheeks became hot and before you could dismiss her words, Chan erupted into giggles, “Of course, Mrs. Chwe! Can’t you smell the richness? I could, even from miles away—” Before Chan could finish his sentence, he cried out and jumped a bit, glaring at Vernon, who was glaring at him back. You looked at Vernon and saw how his jaw was clenched and his mother sighed, taking her son’s bowl to pour some soup for him too.

“Rich or poor, Chan, in this house it doesn’t matter, yes?” Her voice was scolding and Chan grew smaller in his seat, as if he realized he wasn’t at his real home here and apologized quietly. Once you started eating your soup, you remained quiet and listened to the casual conversations from around. It wasn’t because you had nothing to say, it’s just that habits are hard to change, and at your house no one spoke while you ate…well, sometimes your mother would, until your father would reprimand her for it. You smiled softly when Sofia talked about her recent trip with her friends to a resort not far from the city and felt a bit bad when Chan confessed that he wouldn’t be going home this month either. You didn’t know his story, but it was obvious how much it bothered him that he couldn’t be there. Vernon answered his mom when he was asked something, but otherwise remained silent like you, stealing glances that you obviously noticed but ignored in order to stop yourself from blushing.

“Did Vernon manage to teach you something today, Y/N?” Mrs. Chwe asked you just as you finished eating and your eyebrows furrowed.

“He tried to…” You muttered and subconsciously threw a glare at Vernon, “But I didn’t do much.”

“You aren’t bad though.” You scoffed and whipped your head towards Vernon, for a second forgetting that it wasn’t just the two of you there.

“Saying that now to seem nice, huh? Who are you trying to impress?” Everyone remained silent at your snappy tone and you grew embarrassed, realizing you were acting out again. It was just getting to you. The atmosphere at the table, how nice everyone was to everyone, how Mrs. Chwe seemed to know her kids and didn’t even have to ask them because she already knew what bothered them. Even Chan was treated well and Mrs. Chwe was babying him, offering him more soup once he was done even though he probably couldn’t eat more. It was obvious that everyone was cared of and loved. Hearing Mrs. Chwe calling you ‘my dear’ wasn’t helping with the void you felt in your chest. It was making your stomach ache when you thought of going home after this, after the picture of a loving family was now forever imprinted into your mind. How were you not supposed to hate Vernon now? He isn’t just perfect at school; his whole life seems to be perfect. Everyone loves him and Chan even looks up at him, Sofia seems to love to tease him and no one seems to be always pressuring him. How am I supposed to look at him without envy?

“I’m sorry, that was rude.” You apologized quickly, realizing you’ve stayed quiet for too long.

“Don’t worry, my son isn’t perfect.” Mrs. Chwe’s words were so contradicting towards your thoughts about him, “Whatever misunderstanding you have going on, I understand. Just solve it quickly so that you don’t stay with a grudge.”

“A misunderstanding even I don’t understand.” Vernon mumbled underneath his breath and you looked at him, eyes widening just a little bit. Now you felt worse and you sighed, pushing your hair behind your back.

“Oh, dear!” Everyone looked at Mrs. Chwe surprised, she was looking at you with her eyebrows furrowed, “What happened to your face?”

Your eyebrows furrowed as you touched your face with both hands, looking at Vernon out of reflex since you knew him best from the table, to see if he could see something wrong. His eyes looked into yours for a second before they fell on your cheek. Your heart seemed to come to a stop before it sped up dangerously and you just cleared your throat.

“I’m clumsy sometimes,” It was a script you memorized a long time ago, “I have a cabinet in my bathroom that’s around my height and sometimes when I wake up, I’m dizzy and happen to run into it. That’s what happened.”

Everyone but Vernon seemed to buy it, Sofia even laughed, “You should be more carefully, why did you even put the cabinet there?”

“I wasn’t the designer of the apartment.” You joked with her, throwing Vernon a confused glance as his right leg was moving up and down fast, like when you were anxious. Chan and Sofia giggled as Mrs. Chwe stood to gather the bowls.

“Put some ice on it, it’ll go away.” Her voice was soothing and you felt like her, too, knew your story was a lie; but you decided to ignore it and thank her for lunch once again.

“When is Mr. Chwe coming home?” Chan asked as he stood to help Mrs. Chwe take the bowls to the sink. He saved your curiosity and you were happy that he asked before you could.

“I don’t know,” Vernon answered with a shrug, leaning back in his chair, “He took some extra shifts.”

“Yes, because you just had to buy that expensive car to race with.” Mrs. Chwe snapped from the kitchen and you looked at Vernon.

“I’ve been earning more money ever since, mom. You can’t say I’m not trying to help you.” Vernon got defensive, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Your eyes fell on the contracting muscles and you gulped, reaching for your glass to drink some water. Sofia smirked but looked at her phone when she saw you throwing her a questioning glance.

“As if we weren’t in debt before.” The woman sighed to herself, but everyone heard it, and the cash that Vernon threw back at you yesterday felt heavy in your back-pocket. He wasn’t a charity case, he said it himself, but why not give it to him when you seriously didn’t need it? You looked at Vernon and his eyebrows were furrowed as he sighed quietly.

“Thank you for having me for lunch, but I really have to go home now.” You spoke up and stood up, Vernon following your actions. Sofia shot you a pout but she waved as you walked to the kitchen, Vernon behind you.

“You should come more often.” Mrs. Chwe gave you a pat on the head and you bowed your head, waving at Chan, but as you went to step outside of the kitchen, you stopped. Vernon walked into you and your skin tingled as he grabbed onto your arms, steadying himself. You wanted to curse but focused on what you were about to say as you glanced back, having to look over Vernon’s shoulder. He was taller than you.

“Chan, ask Vernon to give you my phone number and whenever you have free time, call me if you feel like studying a little.” Chan’s mouth fell open and you winked at him, taking off again.

“For free?” Chan shouted after you and you chuckled, weirdly not bothered that Vernon was still holding onto you.

“For free!” You called back and Chan started loudly cheering, making Vernon sigh, “You should do the same, Vernon, the poor kid makes it obvious that he’d like to study.”

“You think I didn’t try doing that?” Vernon scoffed and finally released you as you went to pull on your shoes, “He’s stubborn and refuses to listen to me.”

“I guess my beauty is enough to give him motivation then.” You said cutely and Vernon could have sworn his heart stopped beating. You didn’t notice his sudden freeze up as you grabbed your jacket and phone from your pocket.

“Your beauty…” He muttered to himself as you sent a message to John to pick you up, his answer was immediate.

“So…” You looked back at Vernon, sneakily taking the roll of cash from your back-pocket, “We are meeting tomorrow too?”

“That’s the plan, right?” He asked, his voice sounding a bit chocked up and you ignored it as you nodded. Your eyes fell on the table behind him and your heart picked up when you realized what you’d have to do. You wouldn’t have done it, not in a million years, if it wasn’t your only chance to leave the money at him. Your heart started beating fast and Vernon frowned when he saw you closing the gap between you two. You grimaced to yourself as you let your left arm circle his torso, hugging him briefly. Your right arm extended and just as you managed to drop the cash onto the table, Vernon pulled you into himself. You gasped quietly and noticed how refreshing his scent was and the back of his t-shirt was still wet from his dripping hair that seemed only damp now. The hug didn’t last for long but when you pulled back, both of your cheeks were warm and you couldn’t look at Vernon.

“Uhm, see you tomorrow!” Not wanting to hear his voice and feel more flustered, you quickly opened the door and ran down his driveway, refusing to turn back around to watch him close the door. You could still feel his arms around you and how soft his clothes were despite his body being so firm. I think Yoona is right, I might like Vernon.

           You couldn’t help the satisfied cry that left your lips as you took your forth successful turn, drifting just like Vernon taught you. You still couldn’t do it each time you tried, but this was the best you’ve done since you’ve been here so far. Vernon was proud as he gripped onto the board of the car, lips in a wide grin. He wasn’t bothered by how sharp your turns were, throwing him around in his seat even though he was buckled up, he was happy that you were happy. He’s never seen you with such wide smile before, and he was mesmerized. He never thought you could become more beautiful than you already were. Your heart was beating fast again as you decided this was satisfying enough to take a break, Vernon’s been complaining for half an hour now. You slowed the car down and stopped the engine when it finally came to a stop. You let out a breath and relaxed in the driver’s seat, feeling accomplished. You could finally do it; you were sure you needed more practice but you actually did it this time.

“That was pretty cool, Y/N.” You forgot you were with Vernon in the car and you became embarrassed as you looked at him, “Am I still a bad teacher?”

“It took me five hours in total to catch the hang of it, I wouldn’t tell anyone you’re very bright at teaching.” It made Vernon chuckle and you realized what he acted like in school was his real personality, he wasn’t faking anything like some people were. It felt nice to be around someone authentic and you found yourself staring at him. His black hair seemed to have wax on as it was twirled in locks and paired with the red sunglasses he wore it made him look very attractive. He had on some black ripped jeans and underneath his neon green oversized jumper he wore a white t-shirt, you could see the collar of it. When Vernon locked eyes with you, you quickly looked away and picked at the ends of your turtleneck; your knee-length skirt had ridden up a bit and was around your thighs, you’d have to pull it lower soon.

“I gave Chan your phone number,” You looked back at Vernon surprised, you didn’t expect Chan to actually accept your offer, “He said he’ll give you a call next week.”

“That’s fine,” You hummed and brushed your long hair behind your back, “The less time I spend at home, the better.”

You wished you didn’t say that, because it seemed like Vernon just remembered something and his eyebrows furrowed as his eyes searched your face. You did not forget to put on foundation today, so he couldn’t see anything wrong with your skin, but suddenly the area felt on fire. You hoped Vernon wouldn’t bring it up now that he couldn’t see it, but you were wrong.

“Why hide the bruise if I have already seen it?”

“I thought it wasn’t visible anymore, good you told me.”

“Wouldn’t want more people getting suspicious?” Your eyebrows furrowed and Vernon rolled his eyes, looking a little irritated.

“What happened?” You shrugged and sighed, trying to remain neutral.

“I told you yesterday, Vernon—”

“But it’s not the truth.” You rolled your eyes but Vernon’s burning gaze made you want to tell him everything. You didn’t know anymore which feeling was stronger: hatred or liking. But you wanted to tell someone and Vernon was willing to listen, maybe you felt like this because you knew Vernon wouldn’t directly go to the police like Yoona would.

“Everyone at school is jealous of me for being rich, for having everything I want and need. But I don’t have everything, Vernon. My parents don’t love, at least my father doesn’t, my mother barely spends time with me nowadays and the bruise—" You hated thinking of how you got certain bruises, your chest ached. You blocked the memories away and you didn’t think it would be this hard to say it. You were scared of how Vernon would react and what he’d think, would he see you differently? Vernon grabbed your hand and you became stiff, wanting to pull your hand away but keep it there at the same time. It was oddly offering you comfort.

“The truth is that—my father—he—hits me.” You muttered quietly and looked down at your hands, unable to look at Vernon. You didn’t want him to see the tears in your eyes, you hated being vulnerable in front of others. And now you were confused about what you actually felt for Vernon, it wasn’t helping. Vernon’s silence was making you uncomfortable and you glanced up at him, his jaw was clenched. He seemed fine, but his jaw gave him away. You knew he was angry and you sighed, pulling your hand away from his.

“Go to the police, tell on him.”

“No, I can’t do that. He’s still my father.”

“Do you even hear yourself?!” Vernon’s sudden raise of voice made you jump as you looked back at him surprised, “This isn’t a little disciplinary spank a parent does from time to time, Y/N. He’s abusing you!”

You didn’t need someone to tell you, you were well aware of that. You threw Vernon a glare and crossed your arms in front of your chest, “Thanks for stating the obvious—”

“No, don’t do that!” He snapped, undoing his seatbelt in his anger, to be able to turn towards you better, “This isn’t something that can be treated lightly, Y/N! You need to tell someone; he has to stop. He has no rights laying his hands on you, do you understand me?”

“Do you understand that I know but I won’t do anything?” You raised your voice as well, your glare becoming harsh, “If I want my life to be ruined forever, sure, I’ll go tell the authorities.”

“He can’t ruin your life for something he did knowingly that it’s wrong—” His words became white noise as you closed your eyes, trying to calm yourself. Vernon was the last person you needed lecturing from, especially since you were getting this treatment because he was better than you at one fucking subject. Your anger went through the roof and you snaped, unable to take his words.

“Shut up, it’s all because of you!” Vernon’s eyes went wide and he looked so confused, you felt bad for telling him that, “You’re better at English than I am, my father can’t stand that. I have to be best at everything. It’s why I could never stand you, unknowingly you made me hurt. And it’s a shit reason, I know, but it’s true…”

Vernon looked speechless until he started looking regretful and he grabbed your hand again, despite your glare, “I’m sorry—”

“Don’t apologize,” You scoffed, throwing him a look, “It’s not your fault. Don’t worry, I only have to put up with his shit for three more months. I’ll be moving out.”

“Does he know?” Vernon’s eyebrows rose and you scoffed again.

“Of course not. Why would I tell him? He keeps threatening me so I don’t see why I shouldn’t make his threats reality before he gets to proceed with them.” Vernon’s eyebrows furrowed as he thought and you raised your eyebrows at him.

“Come move in with us.” You weren’t expecting that at all and your eyes grew wide as you stared at Vernon. Move in with him and his family? That sounded weird, you could manage on your own too. It wasn’t that hard, right?

“I can’t, that house is already packed with you four and Chan spending his time there too.”

“Sofia would love to have another girl around the house, please?”

“Vernon, this isn’t something you get to decide. That house is your parents’ and I can’t show up unannounced, okay?” Your eyebrows rose at him and he sighed, knowing what you were saying was right.

“Fine, but think about it…” You nodded once and he took his hand off from yours, you uncrossed your arms, “Do you really hate me?”

You thought for a second as you watched him, not knowing how to answer him, because you didn’t know how you felt for him. You didn’t actually hate him, but you did envy him.

“I’m not sure how I feel about you…” You muttered and Vernon sighed, leaning back in the seat, “But I don’t think I hate you. I thought you sucked, but maybe you aren’t that bad.”

It made Vernon chuckle and when he looked over at you, your heart started beating quickly again and you blushed. If you constantly kept reacting like that it meant that you actually felt something more for him, right? Yoona must have been right, she never joked around with things like this one, and you bit your lower lip as the two of you watched each other quietly. You were always bold with others and merciless, not really caring if they got hurt by your words or not. You felt like you gave Vernon the wrong idea and now he might have been convinced that you hated him, which wasn’t true at all. You thought maybe you should be bold for once with your actions too and you cleared your throat, which made Vernon glance at you. He wasn’t making it easier but maybe if he saw you leaning in, he wouldn’t pull away in surprise. So, you leaned over the middle console and with your eyes on his lips, you tried closing the gap but Vernon was too far away. It would have been embarrassing if Vernon had not leaned in as well, pressing his lips against yours. It wasn’t as bad as you thought your first kiss would be, his lips were soft and you found that cute. It didn’t last for long either because Vernon seemed to be flustered as he stiffly pulled his head back, looking into your eyes.

“You might not be my favorite person in the world, but I think I like you.” You found yourself saying and Vernon chuckled, scratching the back of his nape as his ears and neck were red.

“Go on a date with me? Even if I lost the bet….” Vernon asked with a cheeky grin, looking just as flustered as moments ago and it made you chuckle.

“I made that bet because I knew you would lose, but sure.” It was time things took a better turn in your life and maybe Vernon was the starting point.

[tomtenadia]

A Little Braver - 17

So, as promised, part 17 is her.

Be prepared to submerge our bird boy with hugs, he will need them.

I promise the chapter will end in fluff and in a good note. The angst is only for the beginning. I need to douse it a bit since from ch 19 onwards the angst gremlin will be back with a vengeance.

I hope you will love it.

A big hug to all the people who commented, reblogged or loved this fic. Thanks to all of you.

A week had gone by and Aelin and Rowan had taken the official decision to try and go back and both deal with the mess of their lives. 

The week had been perfect. Rowan had taken her hillwalking everyday and slowly she had started to feel like herself again. His presence had helped immensely. In a very short time he had become her rock. Full recovery was still a long way ahead but she felt better and with him at her side she had no more panic attacks or nightmares. 

She felt sad at the idea of leaving the cottage in the mountains but they had promised to go back for some special occasion.

*

It was morning and Rowan was getting ready to go back to work. They had set a date for the inquiry on his student’s death and that would be the day.

For once Aelin was the one worried one. She could not forget his reaction to the movie or the night he came back drunk after Fuzzy’s death. She knew he had put up a wall but hoped he would at least let her in. 

“What are you going to do?” He asked her while adjusting his tie.

“I have a meeting with Dorian and the counsellor and then I will pop in at the station and say hi to the squad and apologise.”

“Good.” His tone was detached and she moved a step to him and hugged his waist from behind “are you okay?”

He sighed “nervous. This will mean revive the entire accident over and over again.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

He shook his head and kissed her “thanks for the offer but I will be fine. My squadron will be there and you have an important meeting as well.”

“Ok,” she wanted to believe him, but could not ignore his cold detached tone and Aelin had learned that it was his coping mechanism. He was not okay.

-

Rowan arrived at the airforce HQ and was met by Lorcan.

“Sir,” he stood to attention.

“At ease captain,” Rowan stood down from attention and placed his hands behind his back in a at rest pose “I am sorry it’s so quick. I knew you were coming back yesterday and I did manage to hold on until today.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Are you sure you are ready?” And for once Rowan heard concern in his CO’s voice “this is going to be brutal.”

“I know.”

“I am on the board too and we have Captain Walker from the 24th squadron and Captain Matthews from the 31st and two engineers. They have all copies of the inquiry sent to the board.”

“Who is the president?”

“Marshal Clark.” Said Lorcan in a preoccupied tone.

“Fuck. The man hates me with a vengeance.”

Rowan sighed again and sat on the bench just outside of the room used for the meeting.

His squad arrived a moment later and they patted each other’s back in support.

“We are all here.” Gavriel told him taking a seat at his side.

“Thanks everyone.”

One of the assistants appeared on the door and announced the board was ready to convene. Rowan quickly texted Aelin and switched off his mobile.

The marshal, being the president, was in the centre of the seating area. Rowan went to greet the other two captains with whom he got along nicely and had known for a long time. Then he went to the marshal and saluted as expected “at ease captain.”

Rowan went to his assigned seat and flipped through the folder in front of him. It contained all the documents they needed. His report of the accident, the reports from the engineering team and other supporting evidence.

Marshal Clark called everyone to attention and declared the board in session. He then proceeded to explain to the members the accident that had happened.

One of the engineers who had performed checks after the aircraft had been recovered was asked to present his findings “after the analysis of the recovered aircraft and after having studied the dynamics of the accident we have found out that the main cause for the engine failure was a disruption in the airflow in the port intake causing it to stall with enough yaw rate to induce a flat spin. Cadet Williamson, according to the records of the accident, flew in the jet wash of one of his classmate’s aircrafts. That caused the airflow disruption. The stall was unrecoverable.” explained the engineer reading from his report “with regard to the canopy, we have found a fault in some model of jets used by the students where the charges did not operate correctly, causing the canopy to separate incorrectly. All those planes are grounded and now being checked.”

“Thank you.” Said the marshal, then his gaze turned to Rowan “Captain Whitethorn, stand please.”

Rowan did so.

“Could you please re tell the board the events that lead to the death of the cadet?”

Rowan took a deep breath and retold step by step what happened. It was still vivid in his mind that it would take ages before he could forget it.

“Did you tell the cadet to eject?”

“I did, sir.”

“Why?” Asked the marshal with inquisitive tone.

“He had lost control of the aircraft. From the black box retrieved from his jet he had pulled 9g after he started spiralling. From my position I could see that he was about to pass out. Ejecting the seat had been the safest option. Little did I know that the canopy would fail.”

The two other captains nodded in agreement, knowing full well that they would have suggested the same thing.

“Would the cadet have survived if he had more high G training?”

“Sir,” Rowan almost growled at his superior “his jet was under 9g for almost ten seconds before crashing in the water. Not even an experienced and highly trained pilot can sustain or survive that.” He breathed again “and you know better than me that centrifuge training can be done only with some weekly limits due to its dangers.”

“Had the cadets received basic procedures on how to properly eject and when?”

“Yes, sir. It’s one of the first things they are taught. They are shown how to properly deploy their parachute and how to blow the canopy. Training is also done in different conditions to simulate possible combat scenery.”

“Training was not the issue here,” said Lorcan going in Rowan’s support “Captain Whitethorn is one of our most experienced instructors and hundreds of students have survived his crushing training and are still alive today because of what he has taught them.”

“The post mortem also backed the cause of death in the crash of the body against the canopy.” Added captain Matthews.

“What kind of training were you doing that day?” The marshal continued, ignoring the protests.

“We were going through some basic dogfight routines. The cadets were only five months out of the academy so we were just covering the basics as per fighter school curriculum.” Answered Rowan who felt lost all of a sudden.

“Would the manoeuvre you had practiced put the boy in a position to be in another jet’s wake? Didn’t you teach them how to stay away from the jet wash of another aircraft during a dogfight?” The marshal had an agenda, that was very clear to Rowan. He was trying to blame this on him.

Captain Walker stood angrily “why are we attacking captain Whitethorn? The problem was that the engine stalled due to the jet wash from another aircraft. An experienced fighter might have been able to find a way out of such deadly spiral, the gods know I have found myself in that situation and got out of it by pure damn luck. Not a cadet five months out of the academy. It’s our job to teach them such manoeuvres but only after they have mastered the basics.” He sat down again nodding at Rowan.

“A good instructor would have taught his students how to fly in close formation and to avoid the wake of a team mate. A captain should know what such manoeuvre could cause.” Continued the marshal who had taken the fight to Rowan.

Lorcan stood angrily “That is enough.” He shouted.

“I would suggest you to sit down, Air commodore.”

“Not when you accuse my best instructor of being the cause of the death of a student.”

“It is my job as president of this board to try and figure out what happened.”

“I told two of my students they were too close. I advised another one not to drop below hard deck. I care about the safety of my students.” Rowan almost growled at the marshal “also, I stand by my decision to order cadet Williamson to eject. Had the canopy worked he’d be alive now.”

The marshal nodded and with a bored expression he then went back to the engineering team and they discussed the canopy issue.

Rowan let them talk and his brain disconnected completely and tried to ignore the pain from what had just transpired.

He sat in silence listening to the rest of the board discuss in the background. 

The marshal eventually called the board to attention “Following the evidence provided by the engineering team and the testimony of captain Whitethorn I declare that the death of cadet Williamson was caused by the port engine stall due to airflow disruption in the intake. The commission also noted that the flat spin in which the cadet went in was not recoverable. Captain Whitethorn is cleared of any faults.” Rowan noticed the disappointment on the man’s face for the fact the had been cleared of any faults.

The marshal then turned to Lorcan “Commodore, I expect you to keep the students grounded until the training jets have been fixed.”

“Yes, sir.”

“The board is dismissed.” Clark stood and walked out.

The other two captain went to Rowan “I had no idea the bastard would try to blame you for this.”captain Matthews added with fury.

“I would have told my students to eject as well. It was the only option.” Added captain Walker.

But Rowan was not listening. It hurt too much, knowing that someone had tried to blame the death of his student on him. That the marshal had to question all of his choices and possibly his training methods.

Lorcan and his squadron were at his side as soon as the room was clear.

“The arsehole has some guts.” Commented Fenrys but Gavriel elbowed him.

Rowan stood in a daze and left the room ignoring the voices of his team calling him.

*

Aelin’s meeting with Dorian and the counsellor had gone better than she expected. Thanks to Rowan she had been able to open up and talk to them about what happened and how she had been before her escape and what had prompted her to flee. She admitted to them her fears.

She felt much better but she had confessed that she did not feel ready to go back in action. She felt okay about going back to the station and work from the office but was not ready yet to be in a fire. She was still too scared for that and Dorian and the counsellor accepted her admission.

So they had agreed for a transition period. Aelin was told as well to attend weekly sessions with the counsellor to track her progress and her mental health recovery. She would be on desk duty for a while and after that, Dorian was willing to send her back out but just at his side in a fire emergency allowing her again to be close to the fire scene and if that went well they could work on a plan on sending her back in. 

She had agreed with the final decision and had left the room with a smile and a light heart. She stopped in the corridor to check her phone but no news from Rowan. The meeting should be over by now. She hoped he was okay.

Happily she drove back to her squad and everyone was eager to catch up with her. Then Aedion stopped in front of her “never again,” he told her and Aelin went for a hug. He remained stiff for a moment, then his arms enveloped her in a bear hug “looks like your captain fixed you up nicely.”

“Hey, I would recover from anything if I had such man looking after me.” Said Ansel and everyone laughed.

“He has been nice to me.” But all she could think was his face from that morning.

 *

Rowan had been walking without a direction for a while now. He felt as if he had lost his rudder, he had spent the last twelve years of his life working for people who had been ready to blame on him the death of a student. He looked at his uniform and for the first time since he had worn it he felt no pride in it. He had been so tempted to resign his wings on the spot. No matter that he had been cleared, it stung so much, even if it had been the opinion of one man.

It had been too much. He knew the marshal was never a fan of his. The first student he had lost had been his son. But at the time as well the board had declared it had not been his fault. It had been the pilot’s mistake. The marshal never forgave him. Seeing him again at a board for a student’s death he had probably tried to punish him for what happened to his son.

In the distance he spotted a pub and decided that a drink might help. He got in and sat at the counter and ordered a whisky, but once the drink was in front of him he could not drink it. In his current state he would spiral down again to the same level of self destruction of many years before when he lost the marshal’s son and he could not do that again. He could not put Aelin through that pain.

So he did the only sensible thing. He called her.

Aelin was in the common room with the squad and they were having fun and the guys were telling her about some of the calls they had and then they were teasing Luca and his upcoming exam.

She was about to tell them to stop picking on him when her phone went off. It was Rowan and her heart stopped. 

She quickly left the room and went outside, sitting on the bumper of one of the engines “hey,”

“Hi,” his voice was low and flat and she feared for him.

“What’s wrong.”

Silence.

“Ro, are you okay?”

“No.”

Shit. She stood and started pacing “where are you?”

“At a pub.”

“Which one.”

He told her the name.

“I am coming. Just stay there.” And closed the conversation and almost laughed at the irony of the situation. A week before she had been at the receiving end of such conversation.

She ran back to the squad “guys, I need to go. Rowan. It’s not good. I just have to go…”

She didn’t even wait for an answer. She just rushed back to her car and drove to him. He did not sound drunk so maybe it was not all lost.

She arrived at pub not long after and stormed in. Rowan was sitting at the counter staring at a glass of whisky in front of him.

“Ro.” She walked to him and his green eyes fell on her. There was pain in them, so much pain.

“You are not drunk,” she told him.

“He ordered the whisky two hours ago and had been staring at it ever since.” Said the bartender.

“Hey,” she caressed his head and he closed his eyes at the touch “what happened?”

He shook his head “not here.” He stood and Aelin followed then came back and chugged down the abandoned whisky and went after him.

He was walking away and she ran after him “wait, you have long legs, damn you.” He extended an arm behind him and Aelin grabbed his hand “fine, we are outside, spill the beans.”

She definitely had no tact.

He walked silently a bit longer until they reached a small park and he sat down on a bench and Aelin took a spot at his side never letting his hand go.

And then he told her. Everything that had happened in the room. The results of the inquiry, the marshal’s accusations. The identity of the first student he had lost and his desire to quit.

“I wanted to throw my wings in the marshal’s face.” He looked down dejected “I feel lost now. I want to go back to my students, I owe it to them, to teach them how to be safe. But everything else… I don’t care about it anymore.” his head leaned against her shoulder and Aelin brushed his head with her hand and kissed it tenderly “Ro, how can I help you?”

Rowan turned his head to her and she thought his eyes were wet with tears “what you are doing just now is enough. Having you with me helps.”

“Do you need to go back to the airbase now?”

Rowan nodded sadly.

“Ok, I’ll drive you.” Aelin stood and Rowan followed but before moving he pulled her to him and drew her in for a kiss “I love you.” He said quietly.

She flicked his nose “let’s go.” She offered him her hand and together they walked back to her car.

They arrived at the airbase not long after “do you need me to come in?”

Rowan shook his head “my team is there. I will be fine. Gav will stop me from doing anything stupid.”

“Good. I am going back to the station.” She leaned forward to kiss him “Will you be okay? I am worried about you.”

“I am a big boy.” He joked.

“Ro…”

He leaned forward and kissed her “I do love so much when you call me Ro like that…”

Aelin smiled against his lips “don’t do anything stupid and tomorrow you can ravish me all you want. You can even be super creative.”

“How can I refuse such proposal?” He kissed her again “I will be fine.” His hand went to the door handle and opened the door “I will see you tomorrow morning at home. Have a nice night shift.”

Aelin’s heart swelled with joy at the word home. Their place. They hadn’t made it official but her house had become home. Their home. And she loved the feeling of it.

“Think creative, captain.”

He winked at her and left the car. Then he waved at her and Aelin left, he put his cap on his head and headed back inside the airbase.

-

Rowan made his way to Lorcan’s office and took a deep breath before knocking on the door.

“Come in,” came from inside.

Rowan entered the room and Lorcan looked up at him and he did notice the expression of disbelief in his CO’s face.

“Rowan —” but the other man stopped him.

“Thank you for today. For the support.” Rowan said quietly sitting on the chair in front of his CO.

“The man was out of line.” Lorcan growled “he knows what kind of instructor you are. How strict you are. The man was trying to get you sacked as a punishment for his son’s death knowing full well that again it was not your fucking fault.”

Rowan looked away, shutting away the painful memories.

“I already sent orders to start working on the canopies and check them all.”

Rowan nodded silently.

“I know what we can do to cheer you up.” Rowan turned his head staring at a surprisingly cheery Lorcan. Elide was really doing miracles.

“Grab you gear and let’s get out in the air, this man here needs to fly. It’s been so long that it’s a miracle I can still be called a pilot.” And he chuckled.

Rowan stood “Fine, be ready to be crushed.”

Lorcan grinned and stood as well “Oh, I submitted a proposal to allow women to serve in the airforce.”

Rowan’s head whipped to one side “who are you and what have you done with Lorcan Salvaterre?”

“The captain and Elide. Turns out we have both chosen very strong women.”

“I like that.”

“Me too.”

Rowan was doing his pre-flight checks when he noticed Lorcan joining him. The man had always exuded charisma.

“You should really send Elide a picture of you in a jump suit. I know how much Aelin likes it, I guess Elide might appreciate it too.”

Lorcan lifted an eyebrow while he reached his jet and popped open the canopy “you think?”

Rowan nodded “how is it going with her by the way?”

“She is incredible. She is tiny but fierce and stubborn and quite amazing.”

Rowan could not believe it, Lorcan was in awe of someone a feat that he thought was impossible.

“You are in love with her.”

“I think so.” said Lorcan hiding the words in a cough, almost embarrassed by his admission.

“Good.” Then he stared at Lorcan and he realised that going out out for a flight had been a good idea. They were evenly matched in skill and it was going to be a fun one. They had a few turbulent months but he had more or less always got along with him. Flying together again felt like the good old times.

“You missed a spot.” Rowan pointed at one section under the wing. 

Lorcan replied with a middle finger and it felt nice to have their old banter back when Lorcan could finally put aside his CO mask for a while.

“I am not a cadet, I know how to do my pre flight checks.”

“Well, you are not following the order we were taught at flight school, cadet Salvaterre.”

“Stop being a smartass, cadet Whitethorn.”

Rowan climbed in his jet and finished his checks inside and communicated with the tower to finalise the flight plan and get the authorisations required.

“Come on Lorcan, you are so slow. Tower gave us the all clear and the flight plan is in. Are you sure you still remember how to fly? Do you need any pointers, Chaos?”

Chaos was Lorcan’s callsign and he had earned it very early in his career for his flying skills.

Eventually they were both ready and the two jets got taxied away and not long after they were in the air.

“Rules of engagement: anything is allowed and two out of three?”

“Copy that, Iceman.”

“Good, be ready to lose.”

The two jets broke apart and went in different directions and for a while they just ran in circles above the airbase to study each other.

Lorcan hadn’t wanted to admit that he was a bit rusty and Rowan was indeed a nasty customer. 

Gavriel and the three young pilots were walking along one of the long corridors on the airbase when they heard the sound of jets in the air and ran to the next window to look who it was. The classes for the cadets were still grounded and the three of them were on ground.

“Holy fuck,” muttered Gavriel when he realised who was out flying.

He ran out to the viewing tower followed by the twins and Vaughan.

“Is that who I think it is?” Asked Connall speechless.

“Rowan and Lorcan.” The older man turned to the three young guys “you are in for a treat, they can make you feel like a newbie.”

Gavriel saw Rowan pull in a vertical and flying into the sun, roll on his back and continue in  straight line flying just a meter above Lorcan, finally flipped his jet once again and placed himself at Lorcan’s six.

Lorcan tried some evasive manoeuvres but Rowan did not let go, always at his tail attempting to get a lock on his CO.

Lorcan felt trapped and as a last ditch he went into a high G barrel roll to try and shake off Rowan.

“Rowan is going to overshoot,” said Connall who was silently watching the dogfight between their superiors.

Then Rowan pulled a trick out of the hat and kept his jet in line with Lorcan’s then rolled and found himself upside down and fired at the other man.

“Holy fuck,” was Fenrys’ comment at the scene.

“What did just happen? How did he even manage that?” Added Vaughan.

“That is Rowan for you. Now you realise why we can’t ever win?”

“One nil for me, Chaos.”

“You are a sneaky bastard, Whitethorn. And where did you learn such manoeuvres?”

Rowan laughed over the comms “get your act together, Commodore, and you can probably get me.”

The dogfight between the two went on for much longer. Lorcan did manage to win an engagement but Rowan still won 2-1. They landed back and they found Rowan’s team waiting for them.

“Good to see you two flying again. The youngsters never had the chance to see the pros at work.” Said Gavriel relieved that the two men seemed again at ease with each other.

“Oh, yeah. Our dear CO was a bit rusty and I took him out to stretch his legs and I handed out his arse to him twice.”

Lorcan gave him the middle finger in response.

*

Elide was in the ambulance doing some inventory checks when her phone pinged. She opened the text from Lorcan and almost fainted on the spot. It was Lorcan in his jump suit beside his jet and the man actually had a hint of a smile on his face. The second image was of him and Rowan standing back to back, their arms folded at their chest and both had a goofy smile on.

She jumped off the ambulance and ran to Aelin who was in the equipment room checking out their gear “Ace, look!” She shouted as she stormed in.

“What?” And she looked at the two pictures on Elide’s phone.

“Interesting…” Aelin stared with curiosity at the picture of the two men.

“He is soooo hot, I have never seen him in a jump suit and gods I don’t know? Want to remove it one bit at a time?”

Aelin laughed “that’s what I would do to Rowan right now if we were together in a private place. I would peel that jump suit off him until he is naked in front of me.”

She saw Elide blush “Lorcan and I haven’t… passed the kissing stage yet. He has never touched me. He is very considerate of me. But a few times he hugged me and I… felt him.” And she made a gesture and Aelin understood.

“Elide that is normal. How do you feel about the next stage? Like exploring each other’s bodies?”

“As in naked?”

“Yes, but you can start with keeping your underwear to have a barrier on if it makes you feel better.”

Elide sat on the bench beside her “I don’t know how to do this. How do I touch him?”

Aelin could see panic rise in the woman “ask him to show you and then once you feel brave enough to try just give it a go. It can be quite fun.” Aelin stopped for a second trying to find a way to tackle the next issue “Elide, have you ever… you know… explored your body? Down there?”

Elide blushed savagely “no.”

Aelin took the woman’s hand “take a nice warm bath and then…” Aelin wiggled her fingers “just put a hand between your legs and see how it goes, what you feel.”

“Oh.”

“At least once you two take the next step you have an idea of how it feels.”

“And Lorcan does that as well?”

Aelin nodded “yes, and if the man is as good as the others claim he might leave you a satisfied mess just with his fingers or mouth or both. A sort of appetiser before the main course.”

“Do you and Rowan…?”

Aelin nodded “and not just him to me but me to him as well.”

“This sounds so much.”

“Elide, look at me.” Aelin placed her hands on the woman’s shoulder “you do not have to take the next step until you are okay with it. Talk with Lorcan. Explain to him that you are getting curious and want to try more. You can use a safe word so that when you start to become uncomfortable, you shout that word and he has to stop.”

“Oh.”

“He hasn’t rushed you or anything?”

Elide shook her head “no, he has been so understanding, and never pushed.”

“Good. You set the pace. You are the one who needs time so he adjusts to you, remember. But if you feel like you are ready for another step just tell him.”

“Is it… is it as good as everyone says? Is it worth it?”

Aelin nodded “with the right person is something incredible. The intimacy… the connection…”

“Do you have that with your captain?”

“Yeah, and some.”

“Uhhh… are we getting serious?”

Aelin looked away for a moment “I loved Sam. A lot. We were good together but it was never like this. Never this deep.” She threw her head against one of the jackets “I don’t know how to explain it but my feelings for Rowan are so strong that sometimes I feel like I can’t breath.”

“I want that too.”

A moment later the conversation was interrupted by Lysandra entering the room “Here you are, why are you hiding?”

Elide showed Lys Lorcan’s picture.

“Oh mama…”

“Elide is feeling… curious.”

Lysandra hugged the woman “that is wonderful, darling. With such a specimen I’d be curious too.”

“Lys.” Shouted Aelin laughing.

“What? Fine the man can be an arsehole but I can’t deny that in that picture he is one hot bastard.”

“Show her the other.”

Elide showed Lysandra the picture with both Rowan and Lorcan.

“Ok, I really need a cold shower now.”

“I am pretty sure Aedion is available. Just keep it quiet.”

Lysandra laughed “don’t you think I tried? He said it would be against the rules.”

“I am almost done with equipment checks. This room will be free soon.”

“You are a wicked woman.” 

Aelin winked.

“Did you do it in here with the captain?”

“No, but his office is quite comfortable.”

“Nice.” Commented Lysandra.

Lys then took Elide’s hand “come on, we got a couple of things to finish.”

Once the two ladies left she phoned Rowan and he picked up at the first ring.

“I am jealous, Lorcan sent a picture of the two of you to Elide and I don’t get a copy?”

“You liked that?”

“You were both smiling.”

“We talked,” added Rowan “Lorcan was even more pissed than me. I think Elide did the miracle.”

Aelin laughed and relaxed at his admission “how so?

“He chuckled. Lorcan chuckled.”

She heard mirth in his voice.

“And the man is totally in love with Elide. I swear I never heard the man talk like that about a woman.”

“Interesting.”

“Also, apparently he has decided to support my idea of having women in the airforce and submitted a proposal to the higher ups and he is prepared to fight for it.” He told her, knowing she would love the news.

“Ok, I might finally start to like the man. What changed?”

“You and Elide apparently.”

Aelin smiled smugly “so he does listen, I am impressed. I don’t think I can cope with the idea of Lorcan not being the bad guy.”

“His job is very stressful and I don’t think I could be able to cope with the amount of shit he has to deal with.” He sighed “put me in a cockpit surrounded by enemies and I will be fine. But the idea of being stuck behind a desk playing the political game day in day out…. no. I will retire before it happens.” He added sadly.

“So, what’s on the agenda for the rest of the day, captain?”

“I am helping him with a few things. Then do more prep work for our performance review.”

“Do you think you are ready for that?”

She heard a lot of noise in the background and she guessed he was back in the hangar.

“Aye, we are good to go.” He was silent for a moment “I have to go, Fireheart.”

“Sure. Be safe and have a nice drill.”

“I love you. Have a nice night shift.”

“Send me that picture, Whitethorn.”

“Yes ma’am.”

She closed the conversation and relaxed heavily. Rowan sounded so much better and she was smidge less worried. With a big smile she went back to her work.

*

It was past 9pm and Aelin was in her office working away on some paperwork Dorian had sent over. She had a good day. It had felt good being back and she realised that Rowan’s help and their time away had helped very much. She felt saner and being at the station did not cause any problems. She was not ready yet to go back fighting fires, of that she was well aware. That was the last challenge she had to face but she and Aedion had discussed a training regimen that would slowly allow her to find the courage again to go fully back on duty and she felt excited at the idea.

She had been so engrossed in her work she did not hear the knock on the door. When it happened a second time she slowly raised her head “come in.” She said flatly and almost annoyed. 

A head of silver hair appeared on the door and she stopped “am I interrupting?”

“Of course captain. How dare you?”

He smiled and took a step in “I can go if you are working.”

Aelin rolled her eyes “get your arse inside and give me fifteen minutes of silence.”

He nodded and walked to her bookcase, giving her his back. His hand behind his back, his spine ramrod straight and his feet slightly apart in a perfect at ease position. She grinned. You could take the man out of the military but not the military out of the man.

She stopped working and rested her chin on her hands and a pen in her mouth. She studied him from behind and was impressed how still he could stay. A feat that had alway been impossible to her. 

Rowan grabbed one of her manuals and started flipping through it. It was only fair, she had done the same to his flight manuals. 

“A chemistry book?”

She eventually decided to stand and join him at his side.

“I hated chemistry in school. I was good at it but never liked it. I preferred physics.”

Aelin smiled and grabbed another book: fire science “this one might be more interesting.”

He had a look through it and smiled at her “can I take it at home or do you need it here?”

“You can take it home.”

Rowan smiled and placed the book on the sofa then cupped her face “hi, by the way.” And he kissed her.

“About time. I thought you were more interested in my books than me.” She teased him, pulling away briefly.

“You told me to stay silent for fifteen minutes. I was just following orders.”

“Screw that.”Aelin switched off her computer and walked to him, palm upturned, offering him her hand “follow me captain.”

“Do I need to be scared?”

She glared at him.

They walked along the corridor of the fire station and it was so silent and quiet compared to what he had seen during the day “where is everyone?”

“Resting. We got beds, you know? But Brullo and Ress are probably up watching tv as usual.”

They walked through the common area and as Aelin suspected the two guys were watching some  series on tv.

“Hi guys,” she greeted them.

They raised their heads “hi boss,” then noticed Rowan “oh captain, you found her. Good.”

“When I walked in I announced myself. I could not just waltz in.”

“Come on,” she grabbed his hand. Aelin dragged Rowan to the area where they kept the fire engine and the truck. She moved to the engine and opened a door on the side and pulled out two thick blankets then with them under her armpit, she started climbing the ladder at the end of the rig “Come on captain.”

Rowan looked at her puzzled.“Where are you going?”

He saw her rolling her eyes “on top of the rig.”

“If the alarm—”

“Captain, if the alarm goes off we have enough seconds to get our arses back down. They will not drive away with us on top of the rig. Do you trust me?”

He looked at her in a strange way.

Aelin threw the blankets on the top of the engine and climbed back down and marched to him, grabbing his hand “move.”

With force she dragged him to the ladder and prompted him to climb. He did as ordered and once at the top he stopped. Aelin stopped behind him, then in a swift motion she pulled her leg over the engine rail and climbed on its roof.

She took the blankets and placed them on top of all the hoses “it smells a bit of smoke. You’ll get used to it.”

He climbed over and stood for a second admiring the view from on top of the engine. When he turned he saw Aelin laying down on the blankets, her arms extended to him and a goofy smile on her face. He joined her and took a place at her side.

She nested against his chest and his arms looped around her frame.

“I come up here a lot on a night shift. I don’t sleep, I just relax, I love to imagine I am laying on the grass and that if I look up I can see the stars.”

“I do that when I am on an aircraft carrier and I am not on standby. I just walk on the deck along the rail, although is not as quiet as here as there are still flights happening, but it’s less busy. I just lean against the handrail, near the island and look out at the sea and I my case I can see the stars.”

Aelin turned in his arms and faced him “can you navigate by just using the stars?”

“We don’t use it much, GPS is a very handy tool, but it’s a skill we learn in case something fails and you are left with no GPS or any other electronic help.”

“What about you? Had a good day at the station?” He kissed the top of her head.

Aelin nodded eagerly “yes, I admitted I had a problem out loud and both Dorian and Aedion have offered to help in anyway they can.” She looked up at him “and you… you helped so much… and still helping…”

He smiled tenderly “it goes under my job description for boyfriend, I assume?”

She caressed his face loving the sound of him calling himself her boyfriend.

“Say it again,” she whispered to him.

“What?”

“That you are my boyfriend.”

He went for a deep kiss “I am yours.”

Aelin smiled against his lips “those are powerful words, captain.”

“They are true, though.”

Aelin’s heart raced and her hand went to his chest and found his doing exactly the same.

“I love this. Us. I really do…” she stuck her head in the crook of his neck inhaling his scent “but it still scares me because it happened so fast. One day I wanted to punch you, the next I wanted to kiss you. And it frightens me. I want this to work. I want us to work out.”

His hand covered hers still on his chest “you are not alone. This is a lot for me as well. But I am done fighting my feelings.” He hugged her closer “I love you, even when this world is a forgotten whisper of dust between the stars, I will love you.”

Aelin kissed his chest “you are so cheesy it’s disgusting.”

Rowan pushed her away and she rolled on her back at his side, her hand still in his “I was trying to be romantic and you ruined the moment.”

She smiled “sorry, I used to do that with Sam all the time. He would say something super romantic and I would respond with a joke. When he proposed I replied that I had to check with my lawyer first.”

“You are a brat.”

“It was so funny. Then I texted him and said that my lawyer had agreed.” Aelin brought their twinned hands to her mouth and kissed them “I showed him later on that night in bed how much I wanted to marry him. He did not complain.”

“You really are a handful.”

“I know, but now you picked me and there is no turning back.” She said against their hands fearing she had gone too far.

“I love a good challenge.” He rolled over and was now half on top of her, his hand on her side caressing her gently.

Aelin grabbed his face in her free hands and kissed him stupid but Rowan pulled back when he remembered where they were. He was still terrified they would drive away with the two of them on top of the engine.

He lay back down and his hand started trailing along her injured arm exposed by the short sleeved shirt. The burns had healed but the skin remained marred. He traced the length of it and leaned over to kiss it.

“Does it bother you?”

“No,” he said softly while continuing to kiss her injured arm and her scars “you are my brave and fierce Fireheart. It scares me that I almost lost you. But you scars…” another gentle kiss “they don’t bother me.”

She snuggled closer and he enveloped her in his arms.

“I forgot.” He propped himself up on one elbow “I have received an invitation.”

“Oh?” Aelin did the same and faced him.

“This weekend the navy is throwing a launch party for the new aircraft carrier, down at the dockyards before she is set at sea for the trials and then off to deployment.” He explained “Me and the guys have been invited and I can bring a guest. Fancy being my plus one?”

“Are we going public, captain?”

“If you want to.”

Aelin thought about it “I could wear the stunning black dress I bought in Doranelle.”

Rowan remembered that dress and the effect it had on him when she wore it in the shop.

“Are you trying to give a heart attack to the whole Terrasen military?”

Aelin giggled “just going to show all those posh boys what an amazing taste in women you have.”

“That I do.” He flicked her nose.

Aelin was about to reply when dispatch alarm went off and she bolted on her feet and pulled Rowan up and grabbed the blankets “come on, captain.”

She climbed down super quickly and by the time he made it down, the blankets were back in the truck and the squad was getting ready to go.

“Showing the captain your special spot?” Joked Aedion.

Aelin nodded and patted his shoulder “keep the guys safe and you stay safe too.”

“Always.” Quickly Aedion ran to the truck and a moment later the squad was gone.

“It’s hard to see them go and not being able to be with them.”

He pulled an arm around her shoulder “come, I’ll make you hot chocolate.”

She followed him “that’s exactly how you woo a woman, captain.”

TAGS:

@rowaelinismyotp​

@jlinez​

@swankii-art-teacher​

@courtofjurdan​

@whimsicallyreading​

@tillyrubes10​

[byulsgrease]

duly noted

you've never been one to obsess about your soulmate, assuming you'll figure it out when the time is right. but seriously, what kind of nonsense has yours been writing about recently?

(eventual moonbyul / wheein x gender neutral reader, soulmate!au, trainee/idol!au, ~1.2k words)

a/n: wheein bias wrecker anon! I might've had too much fun with your req and so this is gonna be my first soulmate au 🤠 while byul and wheein don't actually appear in this part (does that make this a prologue? idk), I promise they'll make their appearance soon enough :)

cw: struggles of being a trainee (weight + food talk)

The claps from your dance instructor ring out in the mirrored studio, calling everyone to attention before they send you off for the day. Everyone stands around listening to whatever niceties they're talking about, asking the rhetorical questions of whether all of you want this, how everyone needs to work harder, etc. How many years has it been now, almost three? Evaluations went pretty well recently and you've certainly demonstrated signs of growth since you started, but debut? Who knows. Does anyone, really?

But right now it's late and you're hungry, hoping that your growling stomach isn't loud enough to pierce through the lecture. You're respectfully tuned out anyway, since it's all old news. Nothing you haven't heard before. They clap again once their spiel ends and everyone disperses. Your eyes catch Hyejin's on your way out of the studio, sharing a funny face and an eyeroll before disappearing into the herd of trainees shuffling to the lockers.

Your locker opens with a routine spin of the dial, taking care to slow down and line up the numbers properly so you're not stuck having to do it over again. The inside's pretty cute for a metallic rectangle— it's really the only space of your own besides your notebook. Pictures of your family, old school friends, and fellow trainee friends line the sides beneath a tiny string of battery-powered fairy lights. It's not much, but always a humbling reminder of why you're here.

Unzipping your bag, you take out a pair of slides and drop them on the floor while stepping out of your sneakers. There's not much else in your bag, just a change of clothes and your notebook, of course. Everyone has one. Anything inside could be drawn, written, scribbled, painted. It’s your personal creative space and no one else's, but with two conditions:

You can't write your name in it, not even your initials. Of course everyone tried to as kids against their parents commands, but letters simply sink into the page, disappearing as if they'd never been written at all.

You can only mark up one side. Pages on the right side are for you, and the left side pages fill themselves. Fill themselves with what? you asked your parents. They gave you a non-answer, saying you'd figure it out someday. Great. Only other thing they bothered to tell you was that your right-hand pages were someone's left-hand ones. So someone can see what I put here? Their confirmation sounded rather casual, which you found weird. Someone out there was watching what you put in? But you got used to it, especially since every person owns one. It's a novelty for children anyway. Mark up a page however you want, knowing that someone out in the would will see, and sit back to watch whatever randomness shows up on the left side.

Your left side pages were actually empty for quite a while, save for the occasional "UGGHHH" followed by a typical childish annoyance scrawled messily across the entirety of the page in marker. Not that notebook use was mandatory, but parents usually encouraged it because it kept their kids occupied. There wasn't much you could do about empty pages, nor did you care most of the time, but it did leave you a little jealous of other kids at school who'd sometimes open theirs and be greeted with cute watercolor paintings, mini murals, or skillfully written poetry.

For you, the notebook's served many uses. As a kid it was random doodles and poorly-drawn fantasy scenarios— escapism, perhaps. In middle school it was angsty poems and random journal entries about the random happenings of your life. For the first half of high school it became your to-do list, keeping track of school assignments. And on the rarest occasion, song lyrics. Visual art was never your medium of choice, music came more easily. But drawing staff lines for music notation in the notebook usually ended up being too tedious, so your original stuff was mostly relegated to voice memos on your phone. And now? Who knows. Trainee life may as well be a blur. Sing, dance, talk, eat if you can afford to, sleep, repeat. It's hard to find the energy to write anything most days. Whenever you feel like checking, the left side has random jottings, nearly illegible most of the time.

It wasn't until you got older that you realized that whoever read your entries on the was the same person generating content on the left. And supposedly the person you're supposed to be with for the rest of time? What kind of system is that? I'm just supposed to trust blindly? having asked your parents in exasperation after figuring it out. Again with more non-answers— it had worked for them, didn't it? There's also the obvious question of why people don't just write directly to each other, but whatever. You're still young, no need to obsess over "the one" unlike some of your classmates. If it's meant to be, it'll happen, you figure. And it obviously is, you've got a notebook with (semi-)filled left side pages. What more could you ask for?

The cacophony of clanging lockers opening and closing starts to die down as people leave. Hyejin's head pops out from behind the locker door, laughing in your face when you flinch.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah, one sec. Man, I'm starving,” you remark while slipping the bag straps on your back and closing the locker door. You don't even want to know how strapped for cash you are, probably in for another night of boiled eggs and canned kimchi.

“Wanna go out for food?” she immediately asks, eyes alight at the prospect of getting to eat something besides convenience store food.

"I wish. Actually, you wish," you smirk with longing in your eyes. The "no" doesn't even have to be said, weigh-ins are way too soon to risk it. She hangs her head, jokingly dejected as you swing an arm around her shoulder to walk out of the company building together.

~~~~

After scrounging up whatever food you call dinner, taking a shower, and flopping into bed, you open up your notebook and grab the random pen laying on your dresser, unsure of what you'll write about tonight. There's chicken scratch on the left page already, ballpoint pen. It's actually legible today, though: In my room every day I see your smile.

What the hell does that mean? Whose smile, yours? You haven't even met yet.

Call me everyday every night, hug me everywhere every time

Utter nonsense. Maybe meeting soulmates is just a huge game of catch-up once everything's finally revealed, surely yours will be. There’s just so many questions. Moving to the right side, you jot down a list of cheat meal ideas along with some assorted notes and pointers from practice that you want to work on tomorrow, drawing little characters next to each list item for fun. After accidentally drawing a random squiggle from jolting yourself awake and feeling the heaviness in your eyelids, you cap your pen and shut your notebook, placing it back in your bag. With the lights out, the last thought you have before sleep consumes you is why haven't you ever tried writing directly to each other after all this time?

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