#like I don’t care this is nature I’m not gonna get mad at a falcon for feeding her babies lol

[ujuro]

Believe it or not the peregrine falcon nest box live cam is way more disturbing than the Alaskan brown bear fishing live cam like sometimes watching these birds eat im like this is pretty nasty alsjfhdhdhd

[yelena-bellova]

Don’t Be Afraid: Poe Dameron x Solo!Reader - Chapter Three

Chapter Three: Midnight Flight

Series Masterlist

Plot: Reader can’t sleep after the day she had, she finds her way to the hanger where she finds Poe. He decides to take her mind off of things.

Warnings: Literally two suggestive lines, a healthy dose of angst in the beginning and a whole lot of fluff.

Word Count: 3.6k

A/N: This one took a while, I’m trying to build the Reeader and Poe’s relationship with only so much time to do it. I semi hate what I wrote and I also semi like it, life of a writer lol. We’re going to jump into TFA in the next chapter so this is the last chill chapter for a while, enjoy!

——————-

Leia and Han fell in love with y/n the moment they met her. They decided to raise her as their own, no one was more ecstatic about the decision than Ben. He’d been asking his parents about a sibling for a while. He doted on y/n and stayed by her side constantly trying to help her adjust to her new life.

Y/n adjusted quickly, she became just as attached to Ben and the two became inseparable. She loved Han and Leia, though she didn’t start addressing them as ‘mom’ nd ‘dad’ until about a year after Ben found her. She still had memories of her birth parents, though very few, and she struggled with shifting those roles to other people. One random night as Leia and Han said goodnight to their children, she said it without even thinking,

“Goodnight, Mom. Goodnight, Dad.”

Once they were out of the room, Han and Leia blinked, looked at each other and headed to bed.

Ben and Y/n were each other’s best friend all throughout childhood. They became even closer once they both realized Y/n could use the Force. When they’d discovered it, it was a typical day on the Falcon. They were on Coruscant so Leia could attend a Senate hearing and Han was outside with Chewie doing minor repairs. Y/n and Ben had gotten into a fight (they may have been best friends, but they were still siblings) and at one point, Ben used the Force on Y/n to shove her into a wall. He’d never used his abilities on her like that, she’d felt anger towards her brother before but this was pure rage. As if she’d done it all her life, she threw her hand out towards Ben and he went backwards straight into the cockpit and fell onto the dashboard. Unfortunately, he fell on the button that powered up the ship and it roared to life. The siblings looked at each other in horror, partially at what Y/n had just done and partially at what their father was going to do to them. Ben slammed his hand down on the button and powered the ship down quickly as he heard Han and Chewie coming inside.

“What the hell are you two doing in here?!” Han yelled through the ship as he approached the cockpit.

“How many times have I told you to NEVER touch ANYTHING in this room unless I say so?” Han asked with a raised tone, Chewie roaring in support behind him. “Well?”

Y/n opened her mouth to speak and beg for her father’s forgiveness, when she was cut off by her brother.

“We were running around and I slipped and hit the button. I promise it was an accident, Dad, I’m really sorry.” Ben explained, Han looking over at him before turning to Y/n.

“But I was the one that was chasing him, so it’s really my fault.” Y/n interjected, “I’m sorry, Dad, we should have been more careful.”

Han ran a hand through his hair and grumbled something. “Alright, alright. I’ll let your mother deal with the two of you when she gets back. Now Chewie and I are gonna finish up out there,” he pointed a finger at them both, “No more running.” With that, Chewie and him left.

Y/n wrapped her arms around him and cried into his shirt, “I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry. I swear I didn’t mean to do that!”

“Y/n, I’m not even mad anymore. How long have you known you could use the Force?” Ben asked as he pulled her away so he could see her face.

She sniffled, “I didn’t! I swear I never knew about it, I would have told you if I’d known!”

Ben let out an astonished laugh, “This is so cool! Mom’s gonna be ao excited when you show her! Dad probably won’t like it but-“

”Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ben.” Y/n took a step back and dried her eyes, “They can’t ever know about this. EVER.”

”Why would you not tell them?”

Y/n motioned to the dashboard, “Do you not remember what just happened? I hurt you! I’m not ever doing that again.”

Ben rolled his eyes, “Okay, yeah, and I’ll get you back for it at some point but Y/n, you can’t just keep this to yourself.”

”Yes, I can and yes, I am. Ben,” Y/n walked towards him and held his hand, “The feeling that went through me when I pushed you, it was...scary. I felt like I didn’t have control and that’s how you ended up hurt. I don’t want to risk hurting you or anybody else.”

Ben sighed and pulled her into his arms, he didn’t agree with her at all but he couldn’t force her into using her abilities. He also didn’t understand what it was like to discover that power. He’d grown up using the Force, it was second nature to him.

Y/n pulled back after a moment, “Promise me this stays between us. Mom and Dad can’t ever find out UNLESS I decide to tell them.”

Ben nodded sadly, “I promise.”

”I’m serious, nothing to anyone. And that includes Uncle Chewie.”

He scoffed, “Y/n, I would never betray you. I promise.”

—————-

I couldn’t sleep.

I’d hidden in my room all day, too shaken to do anything else after my training session. I’d skipped dinner, I’d ignored knocks at my door, I’d shut everyone and everything out. Come 10 o’ clock, I changed into pajamas and climbed into bed ready to put an end to the day.

Ha. Right.

I tossed and turned for two hours before I gave up and threw the covers off. I was tired, but clearly not enough to sleep. I went to my desk, grabbed the robe that hung off the chair and tied it around my body. I opened my door and left my room, pressing the lock on the datapad and watching the door close.

It was late so there were hardly any people moving through the residential part of the base. There was one pilot coming back from a mission, a tech worker who’d clearly been working all evening...

The general’s daughter who was wandering around base in her pajamas thinking about the lightsaber sitting in her room.

There were reasons for my conflicting feelings towards using the Force. The first time I’d ever used it was out of anger to hurt someone I loved. That was reason enough to be worried about it happening again one day. But over the years of secret training sessions, I’d gained better control of my emotions. I’d grown up seeing my Force-sensitive mother use it only for good, but I’d also witnessed the dark side of it in it’s purest form.

And I’d witnessed it in the person I loved the most in the galaxy.

At the thought of my brother, I leaned my head against the nearest wall and stopped walking. It didn’t matter how many years it had been, losing him still felt like a fresh wound. Maybe the wound had never closed because I was fighting a war and it wasn’t with him at my side. The rest of the galaxy saw the war as the Resistance vs. the First Order, but for me it was brother vs. sister in a fight they never should have been in.

I pushed off the wall and continued down the hallway, passing the empty cafeteria and a few offices. Reading the names of my peers on the plaques next to their doors, I felt envious. All these people knew who they were and exactly what they were doing their lives. I was Leia’s daughter, I was expected to know exactly what I was doing at all times when privately, I was a complete mess. I was fighting a war against my brother, my family had been torn apart, and there was a lightsaber sitting in my room that I simultaneously loved and hated. I wanted so badly to be as stable and steady as my fellow commamnders, the people that answered to me deserved that from me. I wanted to do my part in this war and make sure the First Order’s reign of terror across the galaxy ended.

I just wished things weren’t so complicated.

Somehow, I’d ended up on the opposite end of base outside the hanger. It made sense that my feet naturally carried me there, it’s where I spent most of my free time. Whether it was bringing Jess lunch when she was too busy to leave, watching potential recruits run test flights or helping Poe with repairs on his ship...

Speak of the devil, there he was doing just that. Only the bottom half of his body was visible as his top half was buried in the cockpit of his X-Wing. Intrigued as to his reason for not being in the cantina drinking his squad under the table, I made my way over to him.

“Someone looks surprisingly sober.”

His head popped up at the sound of my voice, turning on the ladder he was standing on to face me,

“The parts came in to fix the guidance system,” he said, wiping his hands on a dirty rag, “Shots with Snap and Jess can wait.”

I hummed in acknowledgement and came to stand below his ladder. Poe turned back around and continued working, “Why are you up so late?”

I put a hand on the ladder, “Can’t sleep, my brain and I aren’t getting along.”

Poe chuckled, “How so?”

”Well, I wanted to sleep but my head thinks that I should evaluate every regret, problem and emotional trauma I’ve ever had.”

He stood to his full height and took a few steps down the ladder, “Well, forget the cantina, you’re having all the fun tonight.”

I laughed and pressed my forehead against the ladder, Poe took a seat on a step so we were face to face. He was dressed in his orange jumpsuit, but it was tied at his waist, and a tight grey tee shirt. He looked surprisingly awake for the time, whereas I looked like a Corellian freighter had hit me.

“You wanna talk about it?”

I shook my head gently against the cool steel of the ladder. Poe was no stranger to my family history, I’d talked to him before about my brother but I could only say so much. Poe naturally looked at Kylo Ren as pure evil, I saw my brother who’d been misled and manipulated by a dark force.

He sighed, “Well, how about we take your mind off of all these deep dark secrets you’re keeping from me?”

I had to stop mself from laughing, if only he knew...

“What’re you thinking, Dameron?”

Mischief came over his face immediately, he gestured up to the massive ship we were standing below. I connected the dots, quickly realizing his ingenious idea,

“No,” I said firmly, causing Poe to smile.

“Yes.” He replied.

“You already almost killed me once today and I’m pretty sure I said I was never flying with you again.”

Poe started zipping up his flight suit, “Yeah, and you’ve said that a hundred times yet you always get back in a ship with me.”

He had me there, Poe was reckless and impulsive yet for some reason, I still trusted him with my life.

He was already climbing the ladder and awaiting my reply expectantly. I looked to him, rolled my eyes and followed him up. Once I was at the top, he was already seated and I realized where I’d be sitting,

“How the hell are you going to fly safely with me sitting on your lap?”


A coy smile appeared on his face, “Guess you’ll have to find out.”

Rolling my eyes, I awkwardly stepped in between Poe’s legs and looked behind to see where I was going to land. Why did this feel like it was crossing some sort of line in our friendship? One part of my mind was protesting and the other part was practically shoving my body down happily. Splitting the difference, I cautiously sunk down onto my friend’s lap. Poe placed his hands on my hips without warning to situate the both of us. The warmth of his touch sept through my thin robe and pajamas, simultaneously making me nervous and at ease.

Poe flipped a switch that turned on his beloved ship, I leaned back to look at him. He looked like he did earlier in the day; happy, content, relaxed.

“Ready?”

I smiled softly, “Let’s fly, Dameron.”

Without me realizing, he’d grabbed hold of the controls and lifted us up in the air. I’d flown all my life, but never in an X-Wing, and it moved much differently than the ships I’d piloted. Poe guided us out of the hanger and before I knew it, we were flying above D’Qar’s lush landscapes.

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

“We’re not going anywhere, just for a fly.” Poe replied as he made a slow left turn to get us further from base. “I’m also going to teach you how to fly an X-Wing.”

“Seriously?” I asked with a little too much excitement in my voice.

He smiled at my eagerness, “Well, you’re gonna learn how to steer at least. Okay, the joystick’s pretty sensitive so you’ve got to be careful. And make sure not to press any of the buttons, especally the red one or we’re going to eject right out of the ship.”

I blew out a breath, “Right, no pressure.”

“Pfft, if you’ve flown the Millenium Falcon, you can handle this.”

“I never said I flew it, you just seemed to assume that I had.” I pointed out quickly, turning my head to face him.

“Yeah, and you’ve never once denied it.” Poe said smugly as if he’d trapped me.

“Are we going to argue or are we going to fly?” I asked loudly.

“I’m sure we’ll find a way to do both,” Poe replied, while making a small turn, “Alright, grab the joystick.”

He let go with one hand and I took hold of it, once I had a grip he let go with his other. I was officially flying an X-Wing on my own.

I laughed, “This is so cool!”

Poe seemed to enjoy how enthusiastic I was, “If this is how excited you get just going straight, I can’t imagine what you’ll be like when you do something complex.”

A smirk appeared on my face, “What, you mean like this?”

Without warning, I pulled up on the joystick sending us straight up in the air. Poe let out a yelp and his arms flew to my waist, I maneuvered the stick so we’d do a loop. Once we’d straightened out, I started laughing, partially from adrenaline and partially from Poe’s reaction.

“What the hell, Y/n?!”

“Now you know what it’s like to fly with you!” I replied, stlll laughing. His arms were wrapped tightly around my waist still as if he was afraid I was going to do it again. He’d started laughing with me and had his forehead pressed between my shoulder blades. This was another one of those warm, relaxed moments that I wished we could share more often. But somehow tonight felt like...different.

“Alright, daredevil, I’m taking us back to base.” Poe said, reaching around me to take control of the ship. I found myself missing his arms as soon as they were gone from my waist.

Within a few minutes, we were landing in the hanger. Poe pressed the button that extended the ladder to the ground and I climbed down first, him following suit.

“That was pretty fun, I’ll hand it to you.” I said as we leisurely strolled out of the hanger into the halls.

“Glad I could help get your mind off of things,” Poe replied, “And, of course, I just brought up whatever you’re trying to avoid.”

He sounded dejected in his last sentence, ”It’s okay,” I put my hand on his arm, “Tonight was great but my problems were going to be waiting for me as soon as I got back to my room.”

“Then don’t go back to your room tonight.” Poe stated nonchalantly.

“So your solution is me going and snuggling with my mommy?”

He chuckled, “No, you can stay with me.”

There it was, that feeling that I’d gotten several times tonight. When I’d sat down in his lap, praying that he didn’t sense how awkward I felt. When he’d wrapped his arms around me and lingered for a few minutes. What had suddenly changed between us where Poe and I put in more intimate situations and I felt nervous?

I tried not to let the tone of my thoughts come out in my words, “Stay with you?”

“Well, yeah,” Poe said, shrugging his shoulders and stopping in our path, “You need sleep and I know you well enough to know you’re going to stay up all night worrying if you’re alone.”

I let out a small laugh, sometimes I forgot how well he knew me. That’s exactly what was going to happen. With Poe there, I’d be forced to try and get some sleep. Against my better judgement, listening to the part of my mind that loved being wrapped in his arms moments ago, I caved...

“Alright, it’s worth a shot.”

Looking victorious, we continued down the hall making a different turn towards Poe’s quarters. He wasn’t too far from my own, we were both commanders, but I was closer to my mother’s room. We arrived at his door and he entered his code into the datapad, letting me in first.

Poe’s quarters were fairly minimalistic. A few knickknacks he’d picked up during his travels stood on his desk. A picture of him and his father, Kes, was pinned to the wall while one of him and Black Squadron hung next to it. BB-8’s charging station laid in a corner, the lovable droid himself plugged in alraedy and turned off. A few jackets and clothes were strewn on chairs, and his bed that stood close to the door. I’d been here dozens of times, yet this time I felt like I was paying more attention to my surroundings.

“I’m gonna do us both a favor and wash up real quick, go ahead and make yourself comfortable.” Poe said, grabbing some clothes from his dresser amd disappearing into his bathroom.

I sat down on the edge of his bed and put my head in my hands, chuckling at my situation. I could think of a dozen girls on base who would renounce their families to spend a night with the legendary Poe Dameron. Here I was trying to slow my suddenly rapid heartbeat at the thought of sleeping next to him, my best friend. When the hell did this happen? I stood up, untied my robe and hung it off of Poe’s desk chair. Walking back to the bed, I flipped over the covers on one side and crawled under.

After a few minutes, Poe exited the bathroom and I peeked over at him. He’d changed into a pair of grey sweatpants and a black tank top that clung tightly to his torso. His eyes fell on me and he gave a soft smile, as if the sight of me in his bed made him happy. He switched off the light to the room and walked over to his side of the bed. I wasn’t sure how to position myself, standard issue beds were fairly small and we’d definitely be somewhat up against each other. He turned on his side and I did the same,

“Thank you for this...It’s just been a stressful day.” I said quietly, I didn’t have to speak very loud considering our faces were only a few inches apart.

“I get it, or maybe I don’t, we won’t know till you talk to me,” he said, his last words spoken in a singsong tone.

I laughed, “Not tonight, remember? Tonight’s about distracting me.”

Even in the dark, I could see that familiar eyebrow going up, “I can think of several things we haven’t tried yet.”

I hoped the darkness concealed my suddenly red cheeks. Usually I could dish it back out to him without a second thought, but tonight I found myself trying not to let my mind drift to the ideas Poe was alluding to.

“Yeah,” I spoke up, “Like going to sleep.”


Poe comically rolled his eyes, “Fine, if you want to go the boring route.”

I reached over and placed a hand on his bicep, “Thanks for always being there for me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Hey, that goes both ways, sweetheart.” Poe replied, reaching up to gently run his hand up and down my arm. His touch created goosebumps I hoped he wouldn’t feel, but knew he could. For just a second as we looked into each other’s eyes, I thought I saw his flicker to my lips. But it was too quick a movement to confirm.

“C’mere,” he mumbled, opening his arms to me.

My body went into autopilot mode and I moved into his arms before giving it a second thought. I placed one of my hands on his chest and wrapped the other around his torso. I could feel his mother’s ring that hung from his neck under his tank top. One of his hands cradled my head and the other was splayed out on my back, anchoring me to him. This was the most comfortable and at ease I thought I’d ever been in my life. Poe’s skin smelled fresh from the shower, his firm grip on my back was comforting and his body was the type of warmth you could lose yourself in.

Well, if we hadn’t crossed a line already tonight, I was pretty sure we had now...

“Get some sleep, Y/n.” Poe whispered, resting his chin on top of my head. I softly hummed in agreement as I felt myself already beginning to drift off...

————

A/N: Well, that’s all she wrote. Actually, she wrote many scenes that didn’t make it in but whatever...We’re slowly starting to piece together the Reader and Ben’s history, honestly that’s one of my favorite parts to write. Next week, we jump into TFA. In the words of Anakin Skywalker, this is where the fun begins 😏 Hope you enjoy!!

Taglist: @m1rkw00dpr1ncess @springfox04 @constantdisgrace @holybatflapexpert @seninjakitey @tammythompson-singslikea-muppet @leilei-draws @eternal-fandoms

[malfoysqueen54]

Drunken Confessions

Pairing :Steve x Reader

I wrote this yrs ago for @avengerscompound​ Cards Against Humanity Challenge. First Marvel thing I wrote. So here it is I cleaned it up some and am sending it out to you all. Also if I have already tagged you before for this. Sorry but I redid it and am posting it on this blog.

Patron at Tony’s party. Leads to the ladies making some drunk confessions on one another. Including Y/n’s secrets about her crush. 

Masterlist

Tony’s parties always ended with them all sitting together half-drunk if not completely most of the time. They were a family and loved being together and having fun when they could relax. Even with just them it was still a crowd. All the women pleasantly buzzed and danced together as the men hung out giving one another crap and laughing. This hadn’t been a fancy get together more like pizza and football Sunday.

Y/n ran over to where the guys were with Jane, handing them drinks. “Just so you know. We are not your waitress’” Jane quirked a brow at them.

“But Y/N has a tray,” Tony pointed out. 

“Cause it takes a pack mule to water you boys.” She finished setting drinks down and then smacked Tony with the tray.  The guys all chuckled as Tony rubbed his head.

Nat came over and pointed at Steve and Bucky’s drink. “Don’t let anyone else drink those.”

Steve and Bucky raised their brows and looked at one another. “Thor?” Steve asked and Nat smirked. Bucky chuckled and grabbed his drink.

Darcy popped up from behind the bar. “Y/N! Nat!” The two women turned. “I found Patron. Tony tried to hide it.” She said excitedly. “OOOH there are like three bottles” Darcy looked down.

 Nat and Y/N scrambled grinning to the bar. “This party just got dirtier.” Clint chuckled into his drink shaking his head. 

“What is it with tequila?” Scott asked.

Sam chuckled. “ It makes women hot and for some reason remove their clothes. They get wild.”

“Hope hun, you should have some shots with the girls” Scott turned speaking to his woman making the group of men begin laughing again.

“Jane, I think you should try it.” Thor added as well. His friends turned to look at him. “What? Like you all are not thinking about it.”

Sam high fives Thor. “People it’s gonna be a rowdy night!!”

The girls were around the bar and taking shots. “We can hear you!” Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Yeah give her tequila. She is grouchy.” Bucky chuckled.

“Friday, turn up the music for the girls” Tony grinned. 

Steve watched her, even in simple jeans and a tank top hair thrown in a ponytail. She was beautiful. Y/n had been  in his life since he left the ice. Despite her flirtatious nature and complicated party lifestyle, he looked out for her and never told her he felt something for her. He had dreamed many times of being the guys she kissed at the club/bar/party and then saw leaving in the morning. May be one night, but oh he would make it count. He knew everyone thought him sweet, innocent, the model gentleman. He had let go though and explored. Steve just didn’t flaunt it like the others, he had caught up with 21st century women. He was proud of it too. Sam and Bucky were the only ones who really knew though.

It didn’t take long before a bottle of Patron was gone with the girls, they were giggling and dancing together as the guys shook their head at their antics. They were currently watching them dance in a big buzzed orgy to “Not Myself Tonight” By Christina Aguilera. Nat was making out with Y/n while Darcy was making out with Hope.

“What exactly is in that tequila?” Bucky asked in a sigh as the men watched mesmerized. 

“Is it wrong that I am totally turned on right now? I can’t look away” Scott shook his head.

“No” All the men sighed watching as the girls just kept dancing and laughing oblivious to the audience of testosterone.

Clint watched. “It might be a girl night,” watching Nat and Y/n.

“Huh?” Sam asked, not really paying attention.

“Nat and Y/n, let’s say scratch an itch for one another.” Clint smirked. “They are real close.” He winked. That did indeed grab the guy’s attention and they looked at him as the girls brought drink refills.

“You mean, Y/n and Nat have sex?” Thor asked as Jane set down his and the two super soldiers drinks. “Oh yeah.” Jane nodded smiling and walking back over to the bar. 

“Isn’t Nat with you though?” Steve asked as he adjusted how he sat.

“Yeah, but they both like men and women. So, they have that kind of friendship to fill that need” Clint shrugged. “Hunny is it a girl night?” He called out asking.

Nat came over smirking sitting on his lap as did the rest of the girls, alcohol having lowered their brains filters. “Maybe both”

“Ohhh” Clint smiled and kissed her. 

“What the hell actually goes on in this tower?!” Tony asked incredulously looking at Pepper. “Babe you really don’t want to know” She replied with a sly smile kissing his forehead.

Y/n chuckled sitting between Bucky and Sam. “Oh you act like you haven’t done a threesome before or orgy, please.” She rolled her eyes and downed another shot, handing one to Darcy.

“You're into women and men? Really?” Sam asked

“Hell yes, the best of both worlds. I am limited to Darcy and Nat currently though.”

“HEY!” Darcy protested as they all looked at her.

“Oops sorry Darc” She made a face.

“You are cheating on me?”Nat smacked Y/n thigh. quirking a brow.

Steve leaned towards Bucky. “Did we really live long enough to hear this conversation?”

“Uh huh. I am in heaven” Bucky licked his lips adjusting how he sat as Steve groaned.

“No! She’s not- I was curious, and after last time with Clint and that tech guy. Clint was mad, so she backed off” Darcy answered quickly.

Y/n pointed at her. “What she said.”

Nat looked at Clint. “Aw hunny are you still upset about that.” She asked sweetly.

“What happened besides four people in one bed. Not anything new where I am from.” Thor shrugged

Tony turned to Pepper. “You’re not a good girlfriend, why don’t you have female toys. Also, we are moving to Asgard.” Pepper smacked him in the back of the head.

“She said someone else’s name during her orgasm with me.” Clint said accusingly and Y/n rolled her eyes. All the men gasped like they had been burned looking at her. The holy grail of mistakes during sex,

“Ladies and gents, what is one thing that can bring an orgy to a screeching halt?” Tony stared at her accusingly. 

“What?! It was a mistake, UGH!” She groaned

 Nat smiled, shrugging. “I think it’s who it was” She chuckled.

“Yeah like- “Clint was cut off by Y/n knocking his drink out of his hand.

“You promised Barton” She snapped pointing at him.

 Sam grinned suddenly. “Ohhhh so it’s someone here.”

“Has to be, look how defensive she got” Tony pointed out.

“Who was it?” Scott asked excitedly. “Was it a guy or a girl?”

“A guy” Darcy answered before thinking and all the girls looked at her. “Oh, sorry Y/N/N”

Tony looked like a kid in a candy store before leaning forward with the other men. “Come on Barton, she deserves it. Is it one of us?”

“Oh My God…you ego freaks. I am getting more Patron.” Y/N walked to the bar.

Nat and Darcy chuckled following as Clint shook his head. “She’ll kill me. She promised. Never mention Steve again during sex.” All the men started hooting and hollering looking at Steve as his eyes widened. “Oh shit! Y/N, I’m sorry” Clint held up his hand as he backed off the chair. She had turned with a stunned death glare.

“Clint run,” Nat said as she tried to hold Y/N along with Darcy around the waist. “Calm down Y/n/n.”

“I’m gonna kill him.” Y/n growled able to knock Nat and Darcy off her due to their intoxication.

Bucky and Sam looked at Steve smirking. “She said your name as she orgasmed.” Sam goaded Steve on.

“While with another man. She was thinking about you” Bucky added nodding. Those two knew he had a thing for her. 

Y/n  couldn’t believe Clint did that, she had to throw attention off her. “Darcy’s vibrator is nicknamed Falcon” She yelled out.

“Y/N!” Darcy gasped as Sam looked at her stunned.

“Pepper wants to sleep with Clint.” Darcy shouted out.

“What the hell?” Tony exclaimed looking at Pepper.

“They are trying to throw attention from one another. This is interesting.” Thor smirked.

“Jane said she wants to have a threesome with Thor and Loki” Pepper tossed out. Jane looked shocked.

“Y/n has gotten herself off in Steve’s bed when he is away” Jane threw out, throwing it back on Y/n.

“Oh this is interesting” Scott grinned downing his drink

“NO!” Y/n screamed, stomping her foot covering her mouth in shock.

Sam and Bucky looked at Steve. He couldn’t help the shocked grin on his face.

“Hope has thought about Tony when she orgasms” Angel countered pointing at her. Hope fell off her chair trying to protest.

“N-Nat has a kink for Bucky’s metal arm, and wants him to do evil pleasurable things to her with it” Hope countered looking at Scott and pointing at Bucky.

Nat looked at Hope “Hey!!”

“What?!” they all looked up as they heard Clint exclaim from the vents.

Y/n put her hands on his hips “I knew it, the ventilation system is his happy place” She growled. The girls all started to bicker amongst themselves.

Tony looked at the guys.” Once we make eye contact they are going to scatter”

Sam nodded” They are buzzed they aren’t realizing yet, we heard all of that.”

“Go for the girl closest to you, catch them then exchange as needed.” Scott said.

They all agreed and nodded. Steve turned to Bucky. “Grab Y/N for me if she slips away.”

Bucky smirked and nodded his head. As the men looked up at the bickering crowd of women. Darcy looked and placed her hand on Nat and Y/N to get them to look up. The bickering stopped, silence fell. Steve locked intense gazes with her he saw her eyes widen as her hands came to cover her mouth. Yup it finally hit her he heard it all and was screwed. The men slowly rose out of their seats taking careful steps towards the group in a synced group of predators.

Y/n shook her head “Dodge and weave ladies. Every woman for herself!!!” She said, throwing Jane in her way as she took off. She made it to the elevators. Bucky saw nodding for Steve to take the stairs. “FRIDAY where did the elevator stop?” Steve asked as they took off down the stairs.

“It stopped on yours and Sergeant Barnes’ floor sir.”

“Hiding in the least obvious place. She’s smart” Bucky said heading another floor down to his and Steve’s floor.

Him and Steve entered silently, they didn’t dare turn on the lights and alert her. She was hiding behind the pillar in the corner by the main living areas door. She knew it opened but not that two of them came in. She didn’t see Steve move to the left only saw Bucky on the right. She sighed in relief and Bucky heard it. He waited till she carefully moved from her hiding spot and turned on her. “Bucky don’t scare me. Where is he?” She asked. She felt an arm wrap around her waist and the other slipped over her mouth stifling her scream of surprise. 

“Looking for me doll” She felt him whisper against her ear and she shivered as his breath fanned over her ear. Bucky smirked and saluted her as Steve dragged her farther into their living quarters. She panicked and began to fight him cursing behind his hand. “Shhh sweetheart. I just want to talk.” He whispered his lips grazing behind her ear this time. She couldn’t help the gentle moan that escaped her. Steve smiled at Bucky winking before closing his door and locked it letting her go.

She jerked away from him, putting some distance between them. “What is wrong with you?!” She snapped at him as he leaned back against his door. Steve knew she would try to bolt.

“Y/n/n, I ju- “He began but was cut off by her.

“No, No! We are not talking about this! I should be busy writing my resignation and planning my relocation to Zimbabwe.” She held her hand up to him.

“Y/N- “He tried again.

She shook her head holding a finger up to silence him. “So, what! Yes, Jesus. I said your name. I think about you sexually. Look I never made our friendship awkward. I never told you. I know you’re too good for me. I KNOW Steve. Your Captain America, I am a crappy agent who parties.” She waved her arms around. “You are the god damn moral compass or America. I know okay!”

Steve took a slight step from the door. “Sweetheart- “His head fell as he was cut off again.

“Please don’t sugarcoat this, don’t make me listen to the rejection I know is coming and have played out in my head a million times. Just- no more Patron.” She said letting out a huff of a laugh trying to keep the tears at bay. “I am so embarrassed can you please just- “

Y/n was finally cut off by Steve who came up to her quickly cupping her cheeks and pressing his lips to hers” Do you ever shut up?” He asked softly against her lips sealing them to hers once again running his tongue over the crease of her lips the gasp she released allowed him to delve in and explore her mouth. He felt her hands rest on his shoulders squeezing gently. Hesitant, confused, she didn’t want to pull her mouth away though ever as he wrapped her in his arms.

@thorne93​ @pegasusdragontiger​ @magellan-88​ @emoryhemsworth​ @forever-trapped-in-my-dreams​ @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​ @buckysforeverprincess​ @st-eve-barnes​

[scoobydoominuscoobydoo]

Alright, I guess we should talk about Scoob!

So Scoob! was digitally release nearly a month ago and Mod Silas and I finally got around to watching it. 

For anyone who liked it and don’t wanna read me heavily criticize it then I’ll just spoil you right now:

I did not like Scoob! at all.

And it was really disappointing because this is the first wide release film Scooby has gotten in 16 years. That’s a long time to think of bringing Scooby to the general public who don’t go out of their way to watch every single direct-to-video movie. The announcement of a new feature length film was two or three years ago and I was really excited to hear it because I was expecting some high-quality content.

My opinion of it quickly dropped a lot when it was revealed that the original voice cast wouldn’t be in it. That’s fine all on it’s own but they did it without even letting the original cast know they wouldn’t be a part of this (Besides Frank but he wasn’t even cast as who he originally played). Seeing both Matthew and Grey’s responses to this made me sad and I was significantly less excited for this movie. 

Suddenly the concept of this movie not being that good became very real to me. How much passion can you have for Scooby-Doo when you ignore the original cast and hire people who have never done anything for the franchise before that.

Despite all of that, I was giving Scoob! the benefit of the doubt because I really wanted this movie to be good. I wanted this movie to open up the potential for more major Scooby projects. And while this movie did well financially I find myself so disappointed that after 16 years this is what we got.

Since I hated almost everything about this movie I’m gonna break it up into a numbered list (otherwise I’ll be ranting endlessly).

#1: This movie fails at telling a story.

When the trailer was dropped I remember being like, “Great. Lets recycle the whole Scoob and Shag friendship as a central narrative. Not like they’ve done that a million times before.” And then next thing you know, they’re on the Falcon Fury and I was so not excited. That was two plot-lines they’ve played with before and I can’t remember the last time anyone cared about the Blue Falcon. It’s one of the weaker movies and nobody talks about that one episode of MI that he’s in.

But again, I was going to let it slide because it’s still possible to create a good story out of something recycled.

The movie opens up with them when they were kids and I was already bummed because this movie is taking place in present times and not the 70′s or the 80′s. They allude to the fact that Shaggy enjoys stuff from that time period (while he’s scrolling through a smartphone) but that’s not the same. This concept bugged me for the rest of the movie because the majority of scenes where the gang is solving something they just Google it and the the scene is over. As opposed to it taking place before the internet and writers would have to get creative. And while I love the gang as kids because when it’s done in the show they have so much charm and life the beginning scenes are kinda pointless and don’t establish anything major. I think they were trying to show that the gang have been really close since they were little but it doesn’t come off that way. Not to mention the whole scene with the gang together feels really stiff and I was salty that Shaggy wasn’t wearing a Commander Cool costume instead of his Blue Falcon outfit.

At this point I was waiting for the character conflict to be introduced because that’s a key convention in every Scooby movie. There’s always a man in a mask to chase but that’s not where the story comes together. The story comes from some sort internal conflict within the characters.

The phantom dinosaurs in Legend of the Phantosaur are awesome but that’s not what the movie is about. It’s about Shaggy overcoming his own internal hurdles.

That’s been a consistent pattern in the best of the Scooby films (even all four of the live action ones do this) and I was waiting for it to be identified. And then next thing I know we’re twenty minutes into the movie and I’m not sure what it’s even about. The scene where the gang talk about wanting to become a legitimate business happens so fast and it took me like five minutes to be like, “Wait is this our conflict?” A fight between the gang about Shaggy and Scooby’s usefulness to the cause? (Which is also a recycled plot but whatever.) Their fight happens so fast and isn’t taken all that seriously so Shag and Scoob’s anger seems more played for a laugh than anything else.

But then they cut to the bowling alley and the two of them seem genuinely upset. And I can’t help but think if you had let the earlier scene escalate into an actual argument that I would have bought the hurt feelings. But then none of it matters because Shag and Scoob are immediately attacked and rescued by the Blue Falcon and someone’s OC. And when the rest of the gang find out they instantly feel bad and so I guess the tension between the gang wasn’t supposed to be the central conflict.

Now it’s back to being about Shaggy and Scooby and their millionth time being the chosen one.

Shaggy becomes pretty upset because Scooby is getting into the whole superhero thing and isn’t giving Shag a second thought. But the thing is, none of this was built up. The villain and Simon Cowell tell Shag he isn’t special and both of those times aren’t even remotely emotional. They briefly mention that Shag has some self confidence issues and that turns into him getting mad at Scooby for taking off his collar and playing hero. Ignoring the fact that this is not in character at all it’s clear that the story is now forcing conflict because we’re 45 minutes into the movie and all we’ve done is slapstick.

Shaggy and Scooby’s falling out is ridiculous because they’ve only been mad at each other for like ten minutes of the whole movie so there aren’t any stakes at all. You know they’re gonna make up because this fight came out of nowhere and wasn’t built up at all. Shag and the gang reuniting isn’t emotional at all and Shaggy breaking up the fight could have been so much better if it was just done better.

And that’s how this whole movie is, this plot had the potential to be great scenes could have gotten something from me but nothing is built up and it can’t stay consistent.

By the final battle of the film we’ve only had two things resembling character arcs in Shag and the Blue Falcon and neither of them have any weight. The movie tells us what we already know, that Shaggy is indeed useful to the gang and I just want this movie to be over.

And I guess because they wanna tug on your heartstrings the writers threw in a little self-sacrifice. And I’m not against that at all I think that’s a good resolution to the arc they were trying to give Shaggy but the thing is there’s no stakes or tension in the scene. It just happens and we’re meant to be sad about it but I can’t because nobody else in the scene seems to think it’s all that depressing besides Scooby. And like two minutes later the conflict is resolved and we get our obligatory dance party at the end. 

That whole thing is not a story, nothing is really accomplished by the end and nobody has really gone anywhere. 

There was no Point A which takes us to Point B which brings us to Point C. This was an insane labyrinth of lines running through as many points as they could and then calling it a day. There was no natural progression and none of the conflicts presented even mattered because they were immediately resolved anyway. That makes sense for a TV show but this is a feature length film. I honestly could not believe they were going to release that in theaters because there is no way it’s worth the money. 

It was so devoid of the Scooby-Doo charm and this movie felt more lifeless than anything I’ve watched in a long time.

#2: The movie does a bad job of portraying the gang’s friendship.

One of the fandom’s favorite parts of the Scooby-Doo franchise is the friendship between the gang and the way their characters interact.

But in this movie they behave more like coworkers than anything else. They try to play up the gang feeling guilty and missing the guys but it’s really not convincing. And it’s clear that the fight was more or less to contribute to Velma, Daphne and Fred’s story rather than the whole gang. They spend most of their scenes talking about the mystery or what Shaggy and Scooby would be doing if they were there. The one time in the movie where I can buy them being best friends is when we watch that accidentally took a video instead of a selfie. I thought that was really cute and showed the gang’s dynamic effectively.

The end of the movie where Shaggy is supposedly sealed in the Underworld forever is so underwhelming because Scooby is the only one reacting. Like that’s supposed to be their best friend of ten years who they don’t think they’ll ever see again and they barely bat an eyelash until they go to comfort Scooby.

My first thought was, “There is no way the gang would just let Shaggy sacrifice himself.” And I kept wondering why no one else was trying to stop him or hold him back. 

It’s annoying because I like when the whole gang’s relationship a key part of the plot rather than just Shaggy and Scooby + the other three who are also here.

#3: The villain and the Blue Falcon are pointless.

You could have taken Brian and Dick Dastardly out of the movie and replaced them with anyone and the movie would not have changed at all.

The Blue Falcon squad add nothing to the story and are mainly just there for ......nostalgia I guess??? But nobody even remembers the Blue Falcon??? 

The scenes with Dastardly are easily the worst parts because he’s just a copy-paste villain who sometimes says semi relatable things and it’s meant to be hilarious. His whole plan to open the Underworld just to get his dog back could have been interesting but obviously it wasn’t because nothing is properly built up in this movie.

Their first mistake was immediately revealing who their villain was right off the bat. I won’t be salty that they used actual supernatural forces because Scooby has done that plenty of times. I am salty that they just up and tell you who the puppetmaster is without any goal at anonymity which just goes against everything Scooby is about.

And they’ve done this multiple times. Whenever real supernatural forces are brought into the mix that does change anything because the forces are almost always being controlled by a man in a mask. This sticks to the Scooby belief that the real evil in our world comes from man and not fictional monsters.

#4: This movie’s presentation is not good.

I will quickly say that I actually liked Shaggy’s design in the movie even though Mod Silas already drew Shag with a long sleeve under his shirt and I think that’s a lot better looking. Whatever, I thought he was cute.

I was talking about how stiff the opening scenes felt, well the whole movie looks pretty stiff as well. 

The character designs are distracting (every girl in this movie with their hair down looks like they’re just wearing a wig it looks so bad I don’t understand hair hasn’t looked back in animation for like a decade) and the animation is pretty sloppy. The directing and camera movements also don’t make any half the time and only make everything more jarring. I have nothing against CG animation but I feel like this movie was trying to be 2D in a 3D space and and was just not working out.

Also the voice acting in the movie is really not good. Like idk how this movie managed to get a bad performance out of these pretty renowned actors but none of them sound like they wanna be there or even really care. Which is funny because if they had kept the original cast you know they would have given it 110% since they actually have passion playing these roles. If the performances were actually good I feel like I would have enjoyed the movie a little more.

They also play some standard pop songs and that confused me because they literally played the original theme song at the beginning. Like you guys have the What’s New theme which everyone loves, a plethora of other theme songs, and two Hex Girls songs you could have played. 

When the dance party at the end happens Mod Silas pointed out that it was a wasted opportunity because instead of having the Blue Falcon be a DJ they could have just brought in the Hex Girls or Simple Plan.

But they didn’t do that and I honestly wonder if the people who made this movie care about Scooby-Doo at all.

#5: The things that I actually liked.

Again, I liked that scene where they do that cute selfie thing, I thought was adorable and accurately showed their dynamic.

I also liked that Daphne was the one to point out what Shag and Scoob contribute to the team because I’m biased.

When they address that Shag and Scoob are they ones that make sure the gang is eating I like that, I thought it was very in character and made a lot of sense.

I like when Captain Caveman showed up for literally no reason and was voiced by Tracy Morgan. Simply because it was so dumb I had to laugh.

I like the gang’s group hugs because those always showcase how tall Shag is compared to everyone and they all deserve a hug.

Any of the lines Fred said because they were the majority of the actually funny jokes in the movie.

The scene where Shag, Scoob and Daph are split off and she keeps getting her spare Scooby Snacks stolen by Scooby. I just love that trio for obvious reasons and it was the only part of the movie where I felt happy.

At the end when Shaggy yells at the gang and tells them what to do because I just always like it when he does that, it always throws the rest of the gang off and it’s funny.

The scene where they unmask Dastardly and it’s Simon Cowell and then they unmask Cowell and it’s Dastardly again. Like the smartest joke the movie had.

The Hex Girls poster at the carnival because it tricked me into thinking we’d see them at some point.

I liked DynoMutt, I though his design was cool and he got the other half of the actually funny jokes.

When Blue Falcon does that phone gag and is all like, “Adventure is calling!!” And the scene is supposed to be exciting but then Shag immediately is like, “No thanks.” I thought that was in character and pretty funny before being taken back because conflicts are resolved instantly in this movie.

Conclusion:

When you’re passionate with something as underground as Scooby-Doo you find yourself getting very protective of the legacy it leaves behind.

Granted this franchise has always had some black marks on it’s record but that’s to be expected since it’s a 50 year-old series.

Scoob was going to bring Scooby-Doo back into the limelight after such a long time remaining on CN or Boomerang respectively. And was just so devoid of the passion that even MI had, it felt like more of a cash grab than anything else. And it bums me out because there are so many good things that we could have gotten from an animated theatrical release.

But instead we got an hour and forty-five minutes of nothing and that isn’t what Scooby deserves at all. I can only hope that someone will want to try again and this time, they’ll actually care.

(Feel free to share your own thoughts on the movie and maybe discuss point I made that you agree/disagree with.)

[contrivedcoincidences6]

Seducing a Gundark

Deals mostly with the events of #6-#11 when Han and Leia, while looking for a new rebel base, are forced to land and take shelter on a random planet that was an old smuggling spot of Hans. Han finds some old Corellian wine they’d stored there but Leia takes it as an attempt at seduction and throws the wine in his face. Later, after meeting Sana who claims to be Han’s wife, Han tries desperately to convince Leia that he is not and was never married. Takes place after they get back from Nar Shaddaa.

This continues my series of missed moments from the Star Wars comics that you can find here for this story I recommend reading the others first particularly this one As usual HUGE thank you to @otterandterrier​ for editing and being so supportive ❤️❤️

He really hadn’t been trying to seduce Leia in the Monsua Nebula, but he had been looking forward to an opportunity to subvert her one-track mind for a few hours. He’d seen a relaxed Leia a couple of select times, and they got along so well. Maybe being trapped on a beautiful secret planet with a bottle of Corellian wine was the perfect way for them to have some alone time. It wasn’t like he was expecting that she’d want to do anything more than talk; in fact, he’d only wanted good conversation—not that he’d turn down any advances, either. But, as always, he had the worst luck. 

Sana, kriffing, Sana had to show up. Not only that, but she showed up spouting all kinds of lies. Okay, him double crossing her was the truth, but everything else wasn’t! 

Leia, though, seemed ready to believe it. 

Chewie had ‘rooed’ along in sympathy as Han had relayed the entire ordeal on their way back from  Nar Shaddaa to meet up with the fleet, and watched Han with pity as he paced back and forth in the main hold of the Falcon, which was aboard Home One. As he waited for Leia to get back from dropping Sana and her ship off at the medical frigate, he felt like a man waiting for the noose. 

Who knew what kind of lies Sana had told her for the few hours they had been together? Leia had seemed eager to believe every damned word out of Sana’s mouth, and when he’d left them on the Volt Cobra they’d looked pretty cozy together. 

“Why does this bother you so much anyway, Cub? You always say you don’t care what the princess thinks of you.” Chewie’s tone was filled to the brim with friendly mocking and Han turned a glare toward his friend. 

“It’s not about that! I don’t like Sana thinkin’ she has the right to blast into my life at any moment and—and—make a mess!”

“Make a mess of your relationship with Leia?” 

Han pointed an angry finger at the Wookiee, “I don’t have a relationship with Her Worship! This is a good gig we’ve got here, I don’t need Sana ruining it like she does everything.”

“You did steal from her.”

“I resent that accusation. I just didn’t give her the amount she believed she was owed. And maybe I could have parted on better terms with her, but she’s crazy, Chewie! She was planning on taking all the money from that job anyways!” Han gestured around wildly as he spoke. His relationship with Sana—if it could really be called a relationship—had been, at its best, mutually beneficial, and at its worst, openly combative. He’d been trying to find a way out of it anyway, so when he’d seen his escape, he’d taken it. 

Luke’s voice came over Han’s comm. “Hey, you wanted a heads up when Leia got here. Well, she’s here.” 

Han stopped in his tracks and looked around like she was going to materialize inside of the Falcon. “How mad does she look?”

“She doesn’t look mad.” There was a pause. “Well, she doesn’t look madder than usual.”

“Is she looking for me?” Han wasn’t sure what answer he was hoping for. 

Chewbacca laughed and commented, “Not everything is about you”.

Luke’s sigh said the same thing.

“Okay, thanks Luke. Sabacc tonight?”

“Sure. See you then.”

As Han waited to see if Leia would turn up, he banged around the ship, endlessly annoying his copilot as he tooled around swearing under his breath. 

He heard Chewie’s welcoming roar before he heard Leia greeting him. The Wookiee and the princess stood in an embrace and Han couldn’t stop the smile from creeping across his face at the sight. Leia in Chewie’s furry embrace, looking up at him with a huge, unguarded grin that made Han envious of his friend. 

“Glad to see she didn’t turn you over to the Empire,” Han drawled. 

The smile on Leia’s face vanished and she scowled at him. 

“Good to see you too Han.”

“I’m gonna go work on the hyperdrive…” Chewie grumbled awkwardly after a hefty pause, and walked away as swiftly as his giant legs would take him. 

“Sana gonna be okay?” Han finally asked. Leia nodded. They stood silently, at an impasse.

“Ok, just say it: what kind of lies has she been spewing? ‘Cause listen, Leia, she’s just messing around trying to cause trouble, we were not married, and I don’t even know where she thought of all that other shit but it’s not true—”

Leia held up her hand, “Han, I know, calm down.”

Han threw his hands up. “Well, why didn’t you believe me, then?”

“Kriff, Han! I don’t know, we were being chased by Imperials and here comes this woman who knows just where to find us, and she says she’s going to turn me over to the Empire! The things she was saying fit, down to the wine—”

“I wasn’t trying—”

“Can you please let me talk?” Leia scolded. “Bantha brain…” 

The last two words were muttered as she tried to pull her thoughts in order. Han, with great restraint, held himself back. 

“I wanted to apologize.”

Han’s eyes became the size of dinner plates. 

“Apologize?” 

The word moved slowly out of his mouth as if it was new to him.

She scowled. “Yes, just—blast it.” She rubbed her forehead and continued, “I’m sorry for pointing a blaster at you and for believing you’d turn me over to the Empire.”

He was silent, worried that he was actually in a dream—or a nightmare.

“I should have trusted you.”

Han began to regain his senses and he nodded. 

“Yeah… Well, uh, apology accepted. Sorry about Sana… and sorry about getting us caught with the TIE fighters. And for the record, I wasn’t trying to seduce you or anything.”

Leia raised an eyebrow but didn’t respond. 

Taking a step toward her and lowering his voice, Han said, “Believe me, Your Highness, you’d know if I was.” 

She tried to hide a smirk. “Oh really?”

“Oh yeah. It’ll be much more subtle.”

Carefully, he took another step forward and was encouraged when she didn’t move away. The galaxy then seemed to move in slow motion. 

“Han Solo, one word I’d never use to describe you is subtle.” Her voice had gone husky, her huge, dark brown eyes welding him to the spot. His fingers, however, made the short journey to her hip, where they rested lightly. 

“Then maybe the less subtle approach?” Han’s voice was a whisper now, and he could feel her breaths coming out faster against his lips. 

“Maybe.” 

Their lips brushed and it was magnetic. Leia’s mouth moved against his own so naturally, and he couldn’t help sliding his arms around her waist to pull her closer. Her fingers moved into his hair and the feeling of her nails scraping gently across his scalp made him moan in her mouth. 

The noise seemed to break her from the spell, though, and she wrenched away, looking upset, aroused, and oh so beautiful. 

Her lips were swollen and her cheeks pink, and Han wanted nothing more than to just keep kissing her but the alarm in her eyes stopped him. 

Leia held up her hands as a barrier between them. 

“That was a mistake, it won’t happen again.” 

Before Han could think of any kind of response, she was gone. A low growl from behind him alerted him to the fact that Chewie might not have seen what transpired but could smell the hormones all over the place. 

“I’m going to take a walk, try to air this place out... I can’t breathe in here. And be nice to the princess, she’s scared.” 

Han cleared his throat, only barely confident in his ability to speak. “I won’t hurt her.”

His voice cracked as he said it, and he meant it.

Chewie shrugged. “She doesn’t know that.”

After his friend left, Han sat down and just looked around the hold, wondering how the hell he was going to get anything done after that kind of kiss.

And how he could make sure it happened again.

[inkmemes]

30 rock  season  one  (  2006  )  sentence  starters ↪  alter  as  you  see  fit

“i’m just getting a hot dog.”

“this fat suit smells like corn chips.”

“the beverage situation around here is reprehensible.”

“i thought they would find it interesting, but they really did not.”

“you have the boldness of a much younger woman.”

“would you describe yourself as ‘cat competent’?”

“i’m from the government and i’m here to inspect your chicken nuggets.”

“you smoke weed, right, [name]?”

“if you ever want to piss off your parents, you come see me.”

“superman does good; you’re doing well. you need to study your grammar, son.”

“i guess you must be embarrassed if you’re hiding in the storage closet.”

“i can tell from your stress level that you have not been touched in any way in quite some time.”

“i love how it catches the light like diamonds.”

“[name] is a very tender, beautiful man. he’s awesome.”

“people were yelling and i got confused about the rules.”

“career-wise, i’m just gonna marry rich and then design handbags.”

“dress every day like you’re gonna get murdered in those clothes.”

“i once tried to make mashed potatoes with laundry detergent!”

“if you were any other woman on earth, i would be turned on right now.”

“it only looks like i'm walking out of a starbucks when, actually, i'm doing the robot goin' backwards into a starbucks.”

“the bottom line is, [name] is my boyfriend because he inquired. he was the only applicant and i am not ... doin’ great.”

“you have to stuff your heart with steel wool and tinfoil.”

“now make sure you drink plenty of fluids, and get something to eat.”

“that was my blood cookie!”

“i didn’t know what you wanted, so i ordered you a cheeseburger.”

“i know this great karaoke place where you can get a pedicure while you sing.”

“i already have a drink. do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?”

“he’s so funny. he does this thing where he screams at limo drivers.”

“i already have all the names picked out. if it’s a girl, bookcase. or sandstorm. or maybe hat. but that’s more of a boy’s name.”

“my mother always told me that even when things seemed bad there's someone else who's having a worse day. like being stung by a bee or getting a splinter. or being chained to a wall in someone's sex dungeon.”

“i have a small ferret farm about 60 miles north of the city. it's not much, but it is self-sufficient.”

“ is it true that bread eats away at your brain?”

“i'm sorry, [name]. i smelled crazy in here and i assumed it was you.”

“he looked at me with those crazy handsome-guy eyes. it was like the death star tractor beam when the falcon is---.”

“oh, god, no. something is wrong with this. i have upset the natural balance of things.”

“this is an exercise in constant humiliation.”

“hey, we all have uncles who are cops, so just take it down a notch.”

“i ate way too much oxygen.”

“it disappoints me to see you without a dream, content with this meaningless, pitiful job.”

“you got two types of women in this world: one who gives you strength and one who takes strength from you like delilah took strength from samson in that movie.”

“well, if you're looking to sneak out the window, it doesn't open. i already tried it.”

“you can actually make him happy. and that makes me want to sit on a knife!”

“oh, just to know that she’s filled with bile over me warms my heart.”

“we gotta order some more champagne, go and jump on my helicopter, and buzz trump tower until don comes out on the roof and begs us to stop.”

“i mean, if you met her, you might think she's wonderful, but believe me, she is the succubus from the bowels of hell.”

“at first i hated it, and then i liked it. and then i hated it again..”

“they like you. they're very good at sensing debilitating loneliness in a person.”

“no, i don’t want to get in it; i want to blow it up and run away from it in slow motion.”

“he's not replaceable as my friend.”

“[name], what happened in your childhood to make you believe that people are good?”

“i love america. just because i think gay dudes should be allowed to adopt kids and we should all have hybrid cars, doesn't mean i don't love america.”

“and i will always love you.”

“you know, when i leave work at night, i am just riding on a subway car full of scary, teenaged people.”

“i was princess leia, like, four hallowe’ens in a row.”

“what could i do? i picked up the check and i made out with him a little bit in the taxi.”

“you know what? i'm gonna eat your family!”

“i just wanted you to know that i've loved being your mentor. and it's been an honor having you be my manatee.”

“i'm gonna start a brand-new life in arizona under the new name ‘ron mexico’.”

“i haven’t seen [name] since i bailed him out of disney jail.”

"even though there is the whole confession thing, that's no free pass. because there is a crushing guilt that comes with being a catholic. whether things are good, or bad, or you're simply eating tacos in the park. there is always the crushing guilt.”

“somehow i feel oddly guilty about that.”

“maybe you should seduce him and get him to tell you all his secret plans.”

“love is like an onion, and you peel away layer after stinky layer until you're just weeping over the sink.”

“ he told this story about trying to make french toast for his mom when he was a kid and he started crying!.”

“i'm sorry to do this at work, i just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“right, but isn't that one of those rules like, "don't walk between the subway cars," and all the cool people just do it anyway?”

“i feel more confused and betrayed than those people that worked with tootsie.”

“you probably don’t remember me. i’m [name]. we met the other day.”

“i really don’t know how much more of this i can take.”

“i have hollow bones, like a bird.”

“ow. careful, my bones.”

"this promotion is a lot more money - like ‘get away with murdering my first wife’ kind of dough.”

“[name] and i have been dating a month. do you think i should be mad that i don’t have a ring?”

“we have an attraction that can only be described as wolf-like. lupine.”

“make me a smoothie, and let’s go clubbing.”

"no, no, no, no! i can hear you. i just wanted to make sure you could hear you.”

“i’d rather die famous than to live for 100 years like this.”

“i'd invite you in, but i got a living room full of dead chimney birds.”

“honestly? i no longer think you're doing a terrible job. and, uh, i'm very proud of you.”

[matildaverse]

Dummies guide to... Nygmobblepot!

❓= Riddler

🐧= Penguin

Season 2

- ❓ undressed 🐧 also there was only one bed in the apartment? They shared it!!!!!

- They sang tunes and murdered people like an old married couple??

- PHONE CALLS ™️ [even Lee thought ❓ was on the phone to to his partner!!]

- Jim “what’s the nature of your relationship with 🐧 ???” ❓ stops to think then 💔 says friends [yees I realise it’s because ❓ was put on the spot but he was still sad!]

- ❓ asks 🐧 if there is anything he can do for him when he’s at GCPD? He was 💯% ready to smuggle 🐧 outta jail??? Where HE WORKS

- ❓ makes mental checklist of what 🐧 asks him to do (and I’m pretty sure he kept his word)

- ❓ is ecstatic to see 🐧 when he is released from Arkham Asylum (crazy jail)

- ❓ rejects 🐧 after he is released from Arkham because he is busy and 🐧 has changed

Season 3

- 🐧 visits ❓ in Arkham, gave him sweater and cookies and found the most difficult puzzle box he could to gift 🎁 ❓

- ❓ knows how to make origami 🐧. Is so apologetic about rejecting him

- 🐧 talking to you is keeping me sane or something...

- 🐧 eat 🐠

- 🐧 knows ❓ suit size “I had to guess” da heck you staring at him??

- ❓ is like bruh you gotta win this election honest .🐧 : love you but nah I’m not good enough now shuddup

- ❓ *love riddle*

- *❓ reprises love riddle* *🐧 answers it* omg the PEOPLE LOVE ME . ❓ looks disappointed 😔 for a split second like “yah sure the people not me hahhahahahah”

- ❓ reaches out to protect the statue of 🐧 mummy from blowing up cause he knows 🐧 cares about it

- Husband moment ™️ - ❓ cleans 🐧 shirt sleeve after 🐧 spilt wine on it and 🐧 calms down around him but is also very open about his problems and insecurities.

- ❓ stands in front of 🐧 when butch attacks. Gets choked! Cue:

[In this scene 🐧 lets go of ❓for a split second in which ❓grasps quickly on 🐧 collar. They feel safe with each other 🥰]

- ❓” I hope you know 🐧, I would do anything for you.”

- The hug that we ALL know was gonna be a kiss like c’mon!! 🐧 had to physically push ❓ out of the way to hug him!!!

- 🐧 falls in love with ❓(canonically)

- 🐧 attempts to confess. ❓ looks a upset when 🐧 goes oh I forgot as if he kinda knew what was up.

- ❓EXTREMELY apologetic about not finding Butch (the guy who betrayed 🐧)

- 🐧” I would be lost without you”

- 🐧 basically arranges a date!!! ❓is down for it but gets distracted by Isabelle (an unhealthy relationship)

- “I understand that you’re meant to wait 24hours before filing a missing persons report buT SIR I AM THE MAYOR”

- Basically every 🐧 scene when ❓ is with Isabelle

- ❓didn’t figure out 🐧 killed her when that was LITERALLY HIS OLD JOB (love made him blind???)

- ❓love is about sacrifice! You didn’t love me cos you killed my gal pal!

- 🐧 actually agrees with him. 🐧sacrifices himself for ❓(even though he tried to murder him???)

- ❓ wth am I supposed to do now??? Panics and shoots 🐧 anyways (suppressing his feelings much)

- ❓ forces hallucinations of 🐧 to keep him for a little longer... 😭😭😭 nobody he met could replace 🐧

- Hallucination!🐧 SANG A LOVE SONG!!!!!💔

- ❓tells 🦊 stuff about 🐧. He CASUALLY mentions that 🐧 is the only one that understood him!

- calling each other names (hairpulling)

- Was that the only plan you had ❓to escape jail???

^You don’t have to hold him like that????

- 🐧 freezes ❓and KEEPS HIM 🥶

Season 4

- ❓cosplays as 🐧 making fun of him in the narrows.

Skip ahead... [I forgot this part]

- Evil❓breaks 🐧outta Arkham...

- ❓helps 🐧adopted son “let’s get ice cream” . ❓is now Martin’s 2nd dad!

- ❓🐧and Lee team up.

- ❓talks to 🐧 like they’re bffs again. *rants about how he had to dress up like and old lady for Zsasz or something???*

- ❓gets tortured and he doesn’t give up 🐧??????

- 🐧saves him. ❓ “you gave up your revenge for me?”

[Context: Sophia Falcons betrayed 🐧 threatened his adopted baby boi (forcing 🐧 to relocate him). 🐧chose to save ❓over killing Sophia which for him is like HUGE (he loves revenge)]

- “I trust you” 🥰

Yada yada.. ❓mildly betrays 🐧 for some reason (later 🐧 forgets it and he hates betrayal it’s like his thing: Rage revenge)

Season 5

- 🐧 saves ❓ life after he been 🔪 🔪 (with the help of a man who TORTURED them both)

- His “I’m going to fix you❓” is soft and sincere (in the 2nd version Idk why but the two times it played it sounded different to moi)

- 🐧names his 🐶 “Edward”

- 🐧 hates whoever 💣 haven! Until he finds out it was❓

- 🐧 *so soft* “ ❓ what have you done” I swear it’s like genuine concern!!!!

-❓🐧 reunite (again) ❓ is 😡 but 🐧 kinda calms him

- ❓: you saved me whyyyy???

- 🐧: “what was I meant to do LET YOU DIE?!” [love you idiot] “...friend...”

- Promise to never stab each other in the back (only the front) as friends 🔪🔪🔪

- Basically the weedding vows of murder husbands if you ask me but hey I might be biased!

- Oh and they’re holding hands in the leaked pics what kinda friend holds hand not to mention they’re hanging together after 10 YEARS (excluding the 4 years they were frenemies + 1 year acquaintances)

I may be looking into some stuff a little bit but I’m mad and it’s midnight. Maybe I missed stuff???

Side note : gifs are not mine

TL;DR

Penguin canonically loves Ed

The domestic phone calls and convos

THE HUGS (mostly the almost kiss)

Wedding Vows

Ten years time they’re still hanging out!!

[spell-cleaver]

Uhhhh Star Wars modern navy au where the falcon is just a really fast houseboat, thanks for coming to my ted talk

[Sorry this took me so long to complete.]

Quick disclaimer: I know nothing about engineering. I know nothing about houseboats. I know nothing about the navy. So, uhhh, I doubt very much the ideas I brainstormed with my friend (who at least knows a teeny tiny bit about the British Navy, nothing about any other countries’) really fit with your marvellous idea, but this is what we came up with:

So, apparently the navy has these things called Royal Research Ships which are basically mapping boats which I think help map the coastline for OS maps and such (a good chance I’m wrong there) and are just used for scientific research. Because these voyages tend to be very long, it naturally acts sort of like a houseboat because people have to be living on it for weeks and months at a time, just… observing and mapping the coast, I suppose. (This is the only way I could think of to get a houseboat into the navy.)

Now imagine that this is a boat in a modern-era-inspired world that’s not this world (because I refuse to deal in actual international politics when I’m writing fandom stuff.) Han signed up to join the Republic Navy for adventure! Excitement! Also to escape his awful hometown of Corellia, but no one can blame him. He passes all his training, is great in a crisis, but mouths off to a few too many important people (because even in a world where Palpatine holds off his plans for total dominion until Han’s 30ish, the Republic’s still pretty corrupt) and gets assigned to a Republic Research Ship called something boring like the RRS Valorum III.

Han hates it.

He’s a guy who’s looked for action and adrenaline his whole life, only to be dumped on a ship where all he can do is stare at scenery. No mortal danger. No one shooting at him. No battles. Of course he hates it. He’s not the only one.

Because apparently there are quite a few people the higher ups don’t want in the main navy, and they all got thrown onto one unimaginatively named boat bound for some fascinating ice floes in a wasteland called Hoth. 

Truly, none of them can wait to get there.

Slightly mollified by the fact that he’s not the only miserable person on board and also the fact that at least he’s the one they gave the captaincy to, Han decides to at least try to make the most of a bad situation.

He likes Chewbacca. He’s the only one with any actual experience and Han has no idea why he’s not the captain, but the guy’s nice and can keep everyone else in line.

The twins are utter menaces. As far as Han can tell, there was nothing wrong with their record at the Academy, they’re both incredibly bright and good at what they do, but there’s a tense political climate between the Chancellor of the Republic, the military, and something about Separatists. Luke and Leia’s mother is a senator and their father’s high up in the navy, so by their combined efforts to keep their reckless twins safe the two were dumped on the most boring, uneventful trip the navy had.

There are some other people, but they’re not as important to the plot.

(I don’t know how many people crew these ships and I couldn’t find it anywhere, so I’m going to say it’s a small number for plot convenience, and if it’s not, well then, it’s AU.)

They’re perhaps a week into the voyage—with Han thoroughly sick of the general crew, some of the more insufferable cartographers and scientists, and particularly the twins and their idiosyncrasies—when he decides that something’s wrong with the engine (it’s not) and he decides to go down to fix it.

Turns out Luke has already got there and seems to be tinkering with something. Han doesn’t know what it is—it looks like a long range transmitter; maybe he misses his parents (or wants to shout at them some more for dumping him on a boring boat)—and doesn’t really care. He goes straight to “fixing” the engine.

After a while, Luke joins him. 

At some other point, Leia comes down to help as well, leaving an irate Chewbacca above decks to deal with the rest of the crew. They tinker with the engine some more, and somehow they find they can make it go faster.

Chewie is not pleased with this discovery.

That doesn’t dissuade them. They keep tinkering, and keep going faster. 

RRSs aren’t supposed to go that fast. That doesn’t dissuade them either.

By the time they realise just how fast they’re going, Han’s grown somewhat fond of his stingy research ship, despite the disappointing lack of explosions. It’s nowhere near as polished as the name Valorum III implies, considering this is an old ship that’s seen a great many research missions and is (to put it politely) barely sailing. It’s rougher and more lived-in, and they all love it by now. Boring as it is, keeping it together is a stimulating challenge in itself.

They decide to rename it.

Han’s suggestion of the Millennium Falcon is shot down by absolutely everyone, but he pulls rank on them and that’s that.

By now, Chewie isn’t the only one who’s horrified at the gratuitous changes Han and the twins have wrought. They don’t care. They’re still doing their jobs, and it’s not like they’re even using the super-fast speed they’re getting, otherwise it would interfere with the mapping of the coastline, so. They keep going.

Everyone is thankful for it after Hoth.

The ice sheets and floes extend for miles beyond the actual snowy landmass that is Hoth. It’s summer when they reach the outskirts, so most of them are broken up and they can chart a course through the icebergs. The equipment and sensors are all going mad trying to plot it all, but the Falcon gets through.

They’ve finished and are on the way back when they start picking up odd signals.

They’re encrypted, and seem military somehow. But the Falcon and her crew are supposed to be the only people from the military for at least a hundred miles. Who wants to fight someone out here?

Against literally everyone else’s advice, Han decides to investigate, and finally makes contact with the unknown senders. They’re nearby, they can all tell that much. 

Han introducing them over the comms as the Millennium Falcon probably saves their lives.

After all, it is not a recognisably Republic name. By now, the ship is beaten up enough to not be recognisably Republic either. They make it far enough into the ice floes, Han stalling entertaining the mysterious adversaries while everyone else on the ship stands on guard, watching and mapping and documenting the scopes, hands clenched on the controls ready to get the hell out of there the moment it gets dangerous. No one know what’s going to happen, and they’re just an itty bitty research ship. The best chance they have if things get nasty is to skedaddle.

Meanwhile, Han is making some strides in this conversation (he privately thinks he missed his calling as a negotiator) when Leia rolls her eyes and takes over. She charms them a lot faster, and gets three key pieces of information:

The person she is talking to is a gentleman named Count Dooku.

They are a base of people who admit to being… dissatisfied… with the Republic.

They call themselves Separatists.

That’s all Leia really needs to know at that point, already contemplating everything her parents could do with this information, when the people monitoring the scopes come up with something alarming: the base they’re being herded and invited towards is massive, teeming with ships and life forms.

An entire army, perhaps. With the weapons to match.

Han doesn’t take any more convincing to turn the ship around and get out of there. Leia’s managed to get enough information out of them; they don’t need to stay any longer, especially if they’re all gonna die—

Five Separatist ships give chase.

The Falcon leaves them in the dust. 

They’re going fast. Faster than fast, and they’re pushing the limits of what Han and the twins had rigged into the engine and they’re practically flying.

They make it back to the base at Coruscant in record time. They get given some flak for not finishing their mission to the absolute best of their abilities, but everyone shuts up when they hear what they have to say.

They’d found the Separatist base.

They get questioned an debriefed and questioned some more. Han doesn’t see Chewie or the twins for several weeks afterwards—he presumes Luke and Leia are with their parents for at least some of that time—but then new orders come in. An attack is to be launched on the base—or, what’s left of it after the Separatists started to evacuate. The Falcon is to be examined and copied—her speed is apparently an advantage the government won’t pass up. And Luke, Han and Leia, as the people who originally worked such magic on her, are to oversee the process.

The part Han is excited about: there might be an entire fleet of ships like her. 

A fleet of houseboats, from a certain point of view. It would be great.

(So long as he gets to keep the Falcon.)

[formerly-rosaline]

About Rose

I’m not sure if I already have one of these, and I can’t find a template to make one, so I’m just gonna shoot my shot and do my best here.

Full name: Rosaline Pearl Sirena Draconus Durant

Time and place of birth: Wednesday, April 1st, 1992 at 3:01am (the witching hour) in the Touro Infirmary Hospital of New Orleans, Louisiana.

Zodiac: Aries sun (fire), Pisces moon (water), Aquarius rising/ascendant (air). Pisces, Aquarius, and Capricorn (earth) dominate her natal chart. Monkey (water). Alder tree. Red hawk/falcon. 

Species explanation and list: Came about through ritual as well as conception originally; her soul collects more species each time she’s born (reincarnated) to non-human souls. Her soul is fragmented, there are more Roses throughout the world of different names. She only inherits certain traits from each species. She is predominantly draconic, sirenic, and succubic. Rose also has some wolf/lycanthrope, vampire (tribrid - blood, energy, and sexual separate from the succubus), banshee, Valkyrie (last life as one), Amazonian, basilisk (possibly only for this life), fairy, human, and possibly more - she doesn’t know everything just yet. Without feeding, her abilities become even more drastically limited. 

Characteristics: Abilities may begin in childhood, but Rose’s memories don’t begin to resurface until teenhood and young adulthood. She may also repress her memories, furthering the process, in attempts at normalcy. Jack of all trades. Artist, but not in the layman usage of the word - dancer, singer, creative writer, musician. STEM major, always good at STEM. Linguaphile; often multilingual. Current fluencies: English and French, with some German, Spanish, Latin, Greek, Korean, and Russian. Much of her interest in languages and ability to learn them rapidly stems from former lives. Very pensive and philosophic, a stoic in the regular sense of the word but an existentialist in practice. 

Favorites: 

Fast food: Whataburger

Ice cream: chocolate chip cookie dough

Sushi: eel

Starburst: pink

Jolly Rancher: blue

Color: every shade of blue

Feature: her eye color

Dish at Olive Garden: The Tour of Italy

Italian dish: Alfredo anything

Asian dish: Japchae

Steak: Medium rare filet mignon

Eggs: over easy

Pizza topping: pineapples

Comfort food: macaroni and cheese

Wine: Riesling

Thanksgiving dish: Stuffing

Ice cream topping: mochi or cookie dough

Alcoholic drink: Scotch

Starbucks drink: Chai latte, affogato

Harry Potter film: Deathly Hallows part 2, but book is Goblet of Fire

Marvel movie: Avengers Infinity War

Beatles Song: Hey Jude

Instrument: drums

Band: Snow Patrol 

Person: George Lewis

One Hit Wonder: Cars by Gary Numan

Beach: Pfeiffer Beach, Los Padres National Forest, California

Animal: goat

Season: fall

Thing about a rainy day: staying in

Flower: Lily. Seriously. Don’t fucking buy her roses, it’s not funny.

Sea creature: her damn self

Winter sport: luge

Fairy tale: Vasilisa the Beautiful 

Eye color: green

Day of the week: Saturday

Way to relax: hot bath

Thing to do: make others smile

Mental disorders: PTSD (doesn’t deal with her past traumas, emotionally detached, dissociates regularly), bipolar disorder. Eating disorders, elaborated on at the end of this post to prevent triggering. Substance abuse disorder (alcoholism and more).

Abilities: generally, able to do much by pure will and thought. “If looks could kill,” incarnate. Some technopathy. Outbursts of preternatural strength. Slight elemental control, minor mind control. Communication with entities beyond the veil despite her attempts to shut them out. Astral projection. 

More abilities and characteristics, positive and negative, by species:

1. Dragon: old soul/wise beyond her years, increased intelligence, heightened senses, increased empathy and strength, stronger persuasion via a golden tongue, foresight or future-delving. Manipulation, word twisting, speaking in riddles. Strong debater. Bloodthirsty. Intensely greedy. Power hungry. Delusions of grandeur. Arrogant. Pansexual. Extroverted. Stubborn and/or hard-headed. So cold you’d bet she’s anemic. Close-minded. TOO LOUD. She wants your heart, but on a GOLDEN platter; she’ll never love you. You are so beneath her, who the fuck do you think you are? Enemy of the siren. Fiercely loyal to those who have earned it. Family is the most important thing. Money can buy happiness, and it has for her. Warmest smile. Tacky bitch. Really good at Words with Friends, Scrabble, fighting you, chess. Wants you to succeed in life, and gives you unsolicited advice on how to do it all the time. Annoying. Always has an upset tummy. Does she have IBS? Beyond the veil: red with orange eyes. Your typical bigass crimson red dragon, will breathe fire on you. Her kind is less prevalent than they once were.

2. Siren: leads people astray readily. Seduction. Outright deception. Enticement and intimidation via a silver tongue. Increased strength and agility. Strong swimmer. Telepathy with other sirens. Enemy of the dragon. Brutal bitch. Savage, almost feral at times. Ambivert. Manipulative. Intensely maternal. Your mom friend to the extreme. Loving. Pansexual. Invasive. Monster. Might eat your liver in the pool. Always too hot. God, that voice, let’s hope you never hear it. Opera. SUSHI!!!!. Friendly, communal even, but only with those she considers family. Too good for pop music unless it’s Ariana Grande; increased hearing, gets audio overload at any normal volume. Subtitles, please. Can’t fucking understand English to save her life. Will teach you sirenic, but you can’t speak it. Whistle notes. LOWER YOUR FUCKING VOICE. Half-naked, huge tits. Firm hugger. Beyond the veil: ugly ass deep sea thing you never want to see, but her Venetian red tail is pretty... Second, translucent eyelid. Sirens of the sea are populating as rampantly as always, given the content of the earth which is saltwater. Avoids all of her kind to protect one she loves.

-Unpopular with both dragons and sirens due to some old war. These two species are most dominant.

3. Succubus: a touch that can manipulate, seduce, control, compel. Feeding, starving. Glamour. Conceited. Preppy bitch. Sarcastic. A gaslighter. Manipulative. Extroverted. PANSEXUAL, literally doesn’t care, will fuck you, don’t let her. Fake. Craves you. Enemy of the siren. She’s that overly sexual friend where you can never really tell whether they’re kidding or really trying something with you, you know? She’ll never tell, either. Got that?? Fear her. Run; she will definitely fuck your brains out and fucking eat you, God she’s fucking starving. RUN. Don’t give her a drink, and so help you if she gets to three or more. There is no God; God is dead, she has killed him, she drained his chi. RUN AWAY: fucking demonic. Don’t let her in. She made sure no one is here to help. Don’t look at them. They won’t help you; they’re under her control. You will be too. Beyond the veil: Horns. Tail. Wings. Greyish-purple all over, even her eyes; looks like a gargoyle. She doesn’t eat enough to pigment, and who cares? Glamour will make her perfect anyway. Finds feeding unethical. Slip-ups happen, though; I’m coming for you.

4. Wolf: increased agility, strength, and durability. Heightened stamina, senes. Increased stamina. Fast healing. Telepathy with other wolves. FIERCELY loyal. Respectful. Hungry. Bloodthirsty. Feral. Beast. Aching in her soul and bones. Titanium. Sushi. Friendly and communal all the time. Pansexual. Major ambivert. Audio overload too. Will cry if someone raises their voice from across a room. You’re too boomy. Stop that. Will kill anyone who makes you shed a tear. Don’t let her. Specifically tell her not to while you are crying. She will do it, I swear. Alpha bitch. Beyond the veil: albino Eurasian wolf, mistaken for an Arctic wolf. Icy grey eyes. Her kind is dead; those eyes show it. What’s an alpha without a pack? Heartbroken. 

5. Valkyrie: Literally wishing to death, has to stop herself from it because it’s so easy. Planting doubt in the minds of the steadfast and resolute. Asexual. Will give you hallucinations. Manipulative. Spooky bitch. Might want you dead, might not. Don’t cross her or she’ll imagine you to eternal slumber. You won’t be in Valhalla, either.

6. Amazonian: Increased strength. Tracker. Skilled with weapons. Will navigate. Misandry. Lesbian. Introverted. Feminist bitch. Will stab you.

7. Banshee: Future-delving. A screech that will drive you mad and physically harm you only when members of inhuman royalty are dying. Introvert. Asexual. Beyond the veil: Blind as a bat, deaf as a white cat. Only sees the astral world in her head. Just looks like herself minus the white eyes. Only brought out by screaming, and terrified the entire time, but can remain after. Will cough or vomit blood for a while after screaming. Can’t control it. Scared bitch. Voice may not return to normal for weeks. Enemy of the siren. Prefers to, and sometimes must remain after screaming, mute. Cannot sign. Can see and feel your energy.

8. Basilisk: Increased ability to intimidate. Muted. Affinity for reptiles. No other abilities or notable change. Beyond the veil: she cannot turn into the giant snake of lore, nor turn to stone. If looks could kill, she would just kinda spook you. Literally just herself. Angry bitch.

9. Fairy: No increased abilities but she’s cuter and has more of a sweet tooth. Vocal change to higher pitch. Please give her Jaffa cakes, hot tea, and head pats. Beyond the veil: a tiny, wingless fairy of greens, golds, and purples. Don’t let the look fool you. Evil bitch. 

10. Vampire: Increased sense of hearing and smell. Bloodlust. Ability to compel. Seduction. Extrovert. Clean freak. If there's no blood on her, it's like she never did it. Feeds on the environment around her, including people, naturally. Constantly tries to keep that shut off. Wants very badly to eat you. Hungry bitch.

Sometimes she wakes up a certain species, sometimes situations or location bring them out. Sometimes the need to feed or emotions will cause certain species to rush to forefront. This is akin to having different personalities, but it’s all her. 

Face Claims: 

-Young Adult (main): Penelope Mitchell, The Vampire Diaries, The Curse of Downers’ Grove, Hemlock Grove.

-Adult: Jennifer Morrison, House, Once Upon a Time, Star Trek.

-Teenage: Jenny Boyd, Legacies, Hex, Viking Quest.

-Child: Emily Alyn Lind, Revenge, Enter the Void, J. Edgar.

Physically in this realm: curly blonde, cornflower-eyed, average height (around 5′6″), girl next door but relatively average appearance, with multiple piercings (nipples, several ear piercings, and belly). Birth mark on the top of her left breast.

TRIGGER WARNING: EATING DISORDERS, SELF HARM:

.

.

She has a highly fluctuating weight (between 114 and 178) due to eating disorders - anorexia nervosa restrict type and bulimia nervosa binge purge type. Sheuses exercise, laxatives, suppositories, etc rather than the usual purging. Faint cut scars adorned her thighs and left wrist; she had them tattooed to cover them but the white lines still showed. There was a flower over the wrist, a portrait of a fox on her right thigh, and a portrait of a Renaissance-era woman on her left. There were cigarette burns inches below the Renaissance woman and the flower tattoo. There was another one midway on her outer right forearm.

.

.

[tisfan]

All American Road Trip

Chapter One: Get out the Map | Chapter Two: (A Very Little) Leg Room | Chapter Three: (You’re) Gonna Sing the Words Wrong | Chapter Four: You Make Me Live

Chapter Five: Count Only Blue Cars

You're a diamond in the rough A brilliant ball of clay You could be a work of art If you just go all the way Now what would it take to break I believe that you can bend Not only do you have to fight But you have got to win

-- Kung Fu Fighting, Cee-Lo Green

Somewhere around Illinois, Steve was about ready to shove both his best friends out of the tiny car and make them walk a few miles. Buck and Sam bickered. It was never anything serious -- the merits of bacon over sausage as a breakfast protien. (bacon) Whether or not pineapple belonged on pizza. (no) Whether or not Natasha dyed her hair red or if it was naturally that color. (A gentleman didn’t speculate on a woman’s dress size, hair color, or age.)

And Steve couldn’t seem to help letting himself get drawn into their petty little disagreements. They didn’t agree on anything and it was driving Steve mad.

The argument of choice on that particular day started when Sam was reading out loud. They’d stopped at a book store two days ago and Sam had picked up a handful of things from random display tables. “Get an assortment,” Sam had said, “an’ we’ll see what we all wanna read more of, right?”

That day’s book, Beautiful Creatures, was a teenage romance, which Steve was actually rather enjoying. He’d never read anything like it before, and Steve found the burgeoning love affair to be kinda cute.

And then Buck had pointed out a factual error in the book. “Jubal Early ain’t buried in South Carolina,” Buck said, crossing his arms over his massive chest and glaring into the front seat like Sam, the book, and the world in general had personally offended him about the location of some obscure Civil War general’s gravesite.

Sam actually turned around in the passenger seat to raise an eyebrow in Bucky’s direction. “I don’t see what that’s got t’ do with anything.”

“It’s wrong.”

“We’re readin’ a book about a teenage witch and a magic library, and you’re bitchin’ about historical accuracy?” Sam sighed, turned back around. He licked his finger (ug, gross) and attempted to pick up where he’d left off.

Buck reached around the seat, snatched the book out of his hand -- Steve had a brief flashback to the first time they’d met the Winter Soldier, who’d indulged in a little Jesus Take the Wheel moment (okay, that wasn’t Steve’s joke, but when the whole thing had been over and done, he could admit that Sam was kinda funny. A little bit.) -- and then tossed the book out the window.

Steve slammed on the brakes, sending all of them jolting forward.

“Bucky, what the hell?”

Buck shrugged, unconcerned. “The book was wrong.”

More below the cut, or read the whole thing at A03 [x]

“It’s a made up book, not fifth grade flippin’ Civics class,” Sam protested.

Were they really doing this? Three grown men, squabbling like idiots, about a teenage romance novel?

A car behind them laid on the horn and Steve reluctantly pulled off to the side of the road. Yes, apparently they were going to squabble like idiots about a teenage romance novel, because Steve was deeply curious about what was going to happen. “Go get the book, Buck.”

Buck stared, like Steve had just asked him to throw a tank into a clock tower, or something.

“Stevie, it’s prob’ly three miles back at this point!” Buck protested.

“So you’d better get started.”

Even Sam was giving Steve the stink eye by that point. Steve shut the car down, tucked the keys in his pocket, and put his No, You Move expression on. Of course he chose to do that with the two people least likely to take him seriously.

Buck stared a little longer; almost like watching a computer reboot. “Fine,” he huffed. He jerked the door open hard enough that Steve worried that he might rip it off. A few minutes later, he was out of sight, jogging along the side of the road.

“What th’ hell was that about?” Sam got out of the car to watch Buck run off. He leaned against the car near the driver’s side window and while Steve could hear him, Sam probably wouldn’t be able to hear Steve if he didn’t roll the window down. Steve got out of the car. The plastic handle crackled under his hand and Steve had to remember to loosen up his grip.

“Acceptable behavior,” Steve said, shrugging one shoulder.

“Your murder hobo is doing his best to fit back into a life with us, back at th’ Tower. But he’s still feral, Steve. I don’t think you’re goan be able to civilize him all the way.”

“That’s no reason not to try,” Steve said. Bucky -- his Bucky, not this wild creature that Buck had become -- would have wanted that. Wouldn’t he?

He’s never going to be the man he was before.

Well, neither am I.

Sam was just looking at him, expectantly.

“Is there some compulsion of yours that you not only have to be right, you want to hear people say it?” Steve growsed.

Sam chuckled, that gap between his teeth in evidence. “I live on it, Rogers,” he said. “Just want to make sure you’re not setting your sights too high. I don’t think I can live through broken-hearted Captain America for much longer.”

Steve sighed. “Why don’t you take the shield for a while, Sam? It’s getting a little heavy for me.” That was the truth, and nothing but. He’d been carrying the shield for so long, he wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore. Even when Tony had cast his last words at him -- you don’t deserve it -- Steve wasn’t sad to let it go. He was frankly relieved. It was a burden and a responsibility and Tony might even have been right. Steve didn’t deserve it; he didn’t deserve the honor, he didn’t deserve all the shit that came with it.

Maybe Tony could stand wearing a mask all the time, being a public persona that had nothing to do with the very human person underneath, but Steve was sick to death of it.

“I already got a superhero gig, Cap,” Sam said. “Got back into the game for you. Don’t want to be you.”

“Yeah, I’m not too eager to continue to be me, either,” Steve admitted. “Might be nice to just be Steve Rogers for a while.”

Buck came back up; somewhere in there he’d moved out of his jog, which was about as fast as a normal human’s flat out sprint, and he’d sped up until he was moving about as far as a car. He had the book in one hand and a scowl on his face.

“Here.” He shoved the book directly into the center of Steve’s chest. It wasn’t until Steve curled his fingers around it that he realized it was covered in mud. Steve took a deep breath. He already knew he couldn’t take Buck in a straight-up fight when the stakes mattered. And it was probably best not to tempt the Winter Soldier instincts to come out by punching Buck in the face.

But oh, god, Steve wanted to.

He opened his eyes. Buck was smirking.

An honest-to-god, wicked little grin. The sort he used to use when he was getting his flirt on with a pretty dame. The one he saved up, during the war, for special moments with his captain.

Any desire to punch Buck was overridden with the intense need to kiss him stupid. If Sam hadn’t been standing right there, Steve might have. There was a sparkle in Buck’s eyes that hadn’t been there before.

The one that said I know you want me, you little shit.

***

He said, "Tell me all your thoughts on God And tell me am I very far?" Must have been late afternoon On our way the sun broke free of the clouds We count only blue cars, skip the cracks in the street And ask many questions like children often do --Counting Blue Cars, Dishwalla

Trying to play road games with two super soldiers who had eyesight at ridiculous levels was harder than it looked. Sam was 20/20 -- that was a requirement for the Falcon program, same as being a jet pilot. Truth, Sam had gotten the lasik surgery a few years back, because age did its thing without a care for the state of superheros trying to save the world.

And he knew what the numbers meant; twenty was considered “ideally, what you can see at twenty feet clearly” and then the other number indicated what that actually was. So, for someone who was a little nearsighted, like Sam had been pre-surgery, he had to be 20 feet close to see something that ideally could have been seen at 30 feet. Sam had a buddy at the VA one time whose vision was 20/1000, which meant that guy had to be twenty feet away from something that most people could see at a thousand. Like buildings.

But Steve and Barnes had something 20/-100 vision, meaning they saw things before shit even happened. Through hills and trees and around freaking corners, man. So unfair.

Which meant the alphabet game went fast, even after Sam outlawed license plates as an acceptable medium.

It also slowed their trip down some, as Sam absolutely demanded evidence. Barnes had called a V on a gas station that turned out to be two streets north of their current route, that he could barely glimpse reflected off the fucking bank building. Sam had to squint, and use a pair of binoculars that he insisted Steve buy from the local sporting goods shop before he’d believe that.

They’d tried moving on to I Spy, but Barnes refused to pick anything beyond “the back of y’all’s stupid heads, because that’s all I c’n see from here.”

Finally -- finally -- Sam hit on something that worked out. Both Steve and Barnes were unusually creative. Maybe it shouldn’t have been surprising, since they were both tactical specialists practically before Sam’s gramma was born, but Sam found himself surprised by the degree of thinking outside the box the two of them were capable of.

“Fortunately…” Sam said, thinking, “this’ll be the first time I’ve seen the Grand Canyon.”

“Unfortunately, it’s been invaded by aliens,” Steve said.

“What are you doin’, man, projecting?”

“It’s the way the world is, these days,” Steve responded with a shrug.

“Well, fortunately, I got experience shootin’ aliens,” Barnes took his turn. The scary thing is, that was probably true.

“Well, unfortunately,” Sam said, rolling his eyes expressively, “you didn’t pack your guns.”

“Fortunately,” Steve said, “I have Stark on speed dial, and he can just drone us in some.”

“Unfortunately, Stark don’t like you anymore, Stevie,” Barnes piped up.

“Fortunately, SHIELD managed to haul its head out of its collective ass and can give us some backup,” Sam said on his turn.

“Unfortunately, they’re still bound by the Slokovia accords, and I’m not sure we’ll get an acceptable use of force before the aliens have burned down most of the midwest.” That was sarcastic enough to qualify for a license to kill.

“Ow, Steve,” Sam said, pressing his hand to his chest. “That’s painful, man.”

“Fortunately, no one interesting lives in the midwest,” Barnes said, leaning back and linking his hands behind his neck. “So, it ain’t like we’re losing anything important.”

“Unfortunately, SHIELD’s current secure facility for storing weapons of unspeakable power is in Nebraska, so the aliens are actually after that, which is why they’re in the midwest to start with,” Sam said.

“Fortunately, the aliens are also looking for a good time, so we’ll just drop Sam off and everything’ll be fine.”

Barnes scoffed from the backseat. “Unfortunately,” he said, pointedly, “the aliens have good taste, and so Wilson isn’t on their list.”

“Oh, now you’re just gettin’ nasty,” Sam said. “Fortunately, we’ve got pretty-boy, all American grade A beef riding with us, so if my pretty face doesn’t do it for ‘em, Cap can take his shirt off. That’ll get anyone to stop an’ stare.”

“Are we still playing a game, or flirting like emotionally damaged fourth graders?” Steve wondered.

Barnes scowled. “Unfortunately, Steve’s already got a stick up his ass, so they’re not going to be able to do any probing work.”

“One, it’s not your turn,” Steve said, faintly horrified “and two, I fail to see how that’s unfortunate, Buck, really.”

“That’s ‘cause you ain’t gotta deal with the stick,” Barnes muttered, slumping back in his seat.

“When was the last time we ate anything?” Steve asked.

Sam had to think about it. “Um, maybe three hours ago?”

“We’re going to get ice cream,” Steve said, decisively. “You two are acting like cranky toddlers and I’m fed up with both of you.”

“Heh,” Barnes said. “Tell ya what, jerk. You sit in th’ back for a while an’ let one of us drive. See how cranky you get.”

“Flip you for it,” Sam challenged.

“I’m drivin,” Barnes said. “Or I will flip you, an’ I ain’t talkin’ about a coin toss.”

Sam could feel his sap rising, the part of himself that followed Cap into battle without a care for what they were doing. The kind of thing that kept him going with the Avengers. The part of himself that wanted to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and he’d left bubblegum behind a long time ago.

And then Steve’s hand came down on Sam’s knee. “Just… just let him drive this time, okay?”

Steve’s hand was on Sam’s knee. Not a pat on the shoulder or the occasional arm slung around Sam’s shoulder that he was used to. That was… flirting.

Cap was absolutely to blame for all of Sam’s poor life choices. But Steve flirting with him? That was a whole new realm of disastrous decision-making.

“Okay,” Sam said. He wondered if Steve would take it at all amiss if Sam put his hand over Steve’s.

***

Tomorrow we can drive around this town And let the cops chase us around The past is gone but something might be found To take its place... Hey jealousy And you can trust me not to think And not to sleep around If you don't expect too much from me You might not be let down --Hey Jealousy, Gin Blossoms

There was no possible way Wilson wasn’t doing that on purpose.

Wilson was fucking fellating that damn ice cream cone. He’d gotten vanilla, claiming that it was his favorite flavor and he was doing obscene goddamn things to it.

That could not be accidental.

Which meant he was trying to make a move on Steve.

Wilson was turned halfway in the passenger seat, talking with Steve and making love with that goddamn dessert.

Wilson stuck that pink tongue of his all the way out and slowly turned the cone in his hand, smoothing out the sides. Then he deep-throated it, hollowing in his cheeks and pulling back, letting the very top of the ice cream curl up and stretch a bit. He licked the top. Dripped some ice cream down the back of his hand and took his time licking the creamy residue off his skin.

He didn’t really need to keep his eyes on the road; he was a goddamn supersoldier and his reactions were damn fast; he barely flicked his gaze to the road ahead before watching Steve in the rearview mirror.

Hard to tell, with Steve, sometimes. Did he even notice that people were flirting with him? Back during the War, he hadn’t quite mastered the art. He turned red and spluttered whenever Carter had been around, and while he hadn’t been adverse to a little messing around in dark corners, Steve had never quite made a confession.

That had been a hard shadow living in, watching Steve fall in love with Carter.

And he sure as hell wasn’t going to do it a second time.

“Hey Sam.” Steve leaned forward, blue eyes intent and just a tiny bit amused. “You’ve… uh, got ice cream…” He ran his finger down the side of his mouth.

Ug. Steve. That is absolutely not an accident!

Sam had some sort of mystical sixth sense; he knew exactly where the ice cream smutz was, like a glistening pearl on his chin. Because he wiped his entire chin and it was still fucking there.

That’s a trap, Steve.

Steve licked his thumb and reached out.

Oh hell no.

Flick. He checked the road ahead.

Flick. He checked the following distance of the car behind them.

Slammed on the brakes.

Wilson and Steve, who were too busy paying attention to each other, like this was some sort of fucking blind date, jerked forward.

He’d timed it just right; Wilson’s ice cream was all over his chin, his throat, and down the front of his previously immaculate polo.

Hit the accelerator just as Wilson was dabbing at his shirt, which smeared more of the remains of his dessert on his hands and into his lap.

Score.

“Wh--”

“Buck, what the hell?”

“Road debris,” he said, gesturing with one hand toward the road behind them. “Wasn’t sure what it was.”

The look Wilson threw at him was utter and complete loathing. Wilson knew, knew for certain, that there was no road debris. Knew that he’d absolutely been flirt-blocked.

He’d have done a victory fist pump if he didn’t think Steve would be upset if Wilson threw an actual punch. There was no way that Wilson could actually cause an injury to anyone but himself, but it would upset Steve.

“You are a dick, Barnes,” Wilson said. He dug around in the glove box and found some napkins.

He was still debating internally if it would be more annoying and smug-ass of him to deny everything, or admit anything, when Steve put a hand on the back of his neck.

Warm, fingers gentle and comforting, the touch was everything that he’d been missing for decades. Better than a simple clap on the shoulder with a half-dozen layers between himself and Steve’s skin.

Every nerve in his body concentrated on that one patch of skin where Steve’s fingers rested.

He inhaled, barely audible, or it should have been with the engine purring and the road noise and Wilson’s continued rant about the size, shape, and pustulant growths…

Flick.

He glanced up in the rearview and caught Steve’s gaze. Steve’s blue eyes were soft, the pupils wide with sudden feeling.

Smiling, he turned back to the road.

Just in time to swerve around a piece of actual road debris.

“Fuck!”

The car shimmied ungracefully from one side of the lane to the other. A soft, but distinct sound, like a bullet moving through a silencer.

Thup. thup. thup.

He took a deep breath, let it out. Brought the car to an ungainly stop on the side of the road. “We’ve got a flat,” he said. “Hope there’s a spare.”

“What was that?”

“Road debris.”

“Really, Barnes? Really?”

Wilson got the full force of his puppy-eyed pout. Steve had frequently been susceptible. Dames had always melted under it.

Wilson squinched his mouth up to the side, tipped his head, and looked disgusted. “You. Are a dick.”